#he has a very special brand of cynicism

[blood-orange-juice]

Am I the only person who headcanons Lyney to be slightly older than Childe?

[cupcakeslushie]

First || Prev || …

Here’s the next part of the Kendratello AU! I knew it was going to be very dialogue heavy, so I figured writing it out would be fast, but I’m so ready to be done with it that I’ve not really beta read it. So I apologize for any errors. But enjoy!

Splinter loves his sons, but these last few days have been eating away at his already shriveled and fraying nerves. Watching his children ambling around their home, for months, each in varying states of anxiety, fear, and distress, hasn’t been easy on his old heart.

They’ve been through so much, experienced more hardships than Splinter has ever wanted for them. But the latest crucible tearing his family apart was caused, not by some ancient demon, or world-ending threat—but a fiendishly smart, young woman.

One who’d kidnapped his son and replaced him with a stranger that Splinter hardly recognized.

The bitter tale is too familiar for the old movie star to painlessly swallow. It seems fate played such cruel tricks sometimes. Always seeming to strike harsher the second go around. With outcomes even more brutal and painful. His son was stolen by a hateful, sadistic woman, and kept locked away, until she was satisfied with the new toy that emerged from the shadows.

So it stands to reason how…relieved Splinter had been that one, early morning. When his three sons had pulled Purple into his bedroom, piling into his bed, nothing but wide eyes and panicked shouting; one over the other. Looking back now, he can recognize how short-sighted his quick relief had been. But in the moment, as a father, Splinter had only seen this new, strange development as a blessing.

Donatello might have been confused, and irritated with his brother’s manhandling, but Splinter could clearly see more life in those eyes than he’d witnessed in months. Splinter had shushed the rest, and spoken to Purple directly, finally getting a better grasp on what his sons were shouting about.

Amnesia.

So, of course, relief. Because how could forgetting all those horrible, tortuous weeks in that woman’s grasp, possibly be a bad thing? By some miracle, Splinter’s boy had been returned to him. Nowhere near that frail ghost of Donatello, which Splinter would sometimes find curled up on the floor of his own lab, screaming Kendra’s name and sobbing to be returned to her care.

He had been spared all of that, like it never happened. Their family had been handed a gift, and Splinter truthfully wasn't interested in the whys of it all…

Until Michelangelo chose to contact Draxum, and words like “brain damage” and “tumor” were thrown into the mix.

An entire day of testing yielded…varying results. They were able to rule out the scariest of options. No dark shadows were seen in the X-rays of his son’s beautifully brilliant brain, and no concerning squiggles were pointed out by the Hidden City doctors who studied the fast moving waves appearing on the EEG. It was all a bunch of nonsense to Splinter, but Donatello nodded like he agreed, when he was handed the papers over to inspect himself.

Everything was normal, physically.

That left the most difficult part of the day. Getting his son to speak to a psychiatrist—seriously, and without snarking back at every possible question he would eventually be asked.

Draxum had thankfully picked a good one. Briefing her beforehand on…everything. She seemed prepared for Purple’s special brand of cynicism. The sheep yokai was apparently at the top of her field.

A tentative diagnosis of “dissociative amnesia” had been given, along with a small number of pamphlets and printouts. The doctor had informed Splinter that certain treatments might improve Donatello’s situation, but no cure had been discovered for something like this.

They would just have to take things one day at a time. And they’d been doing so well. Almost like everything was back to normal.

Splinter had become very good at ignoring that pending feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He smiled at his sons every day onward, like nothing was wrong. And all of them, in return, began falling back into a more comfortable ease around each other. The stress had just been starting to loosen in Red’s shoulders and jaw. Orange was giving real, honest smiles again. And Blue was no longer a shadow around corners, hiding from Purple like a bomb he was scared to set off.

But the other shoe that had been the root of Splinter’s dread, finally dropped, and the rug was pulled from under their feet once more, violently, with no warning.

Even after they’d managed to calm Donatello down. There was no negotiating the terms of his reality, and he was stubbornly convinced that the world around him was fabricated. Without caring about the consequences, he refused to be civil towards any of them, treating them all like jesters in a play, where no one had the script.

The family’s usual process for dealing with Purple’s anger–letting him cool off alone in his lab until he collected his thoughts–was unfeasible this time around.

Splinter didn’t think he could ever forget the image of his son, turning the knife he held in his hands inwards, and threatening to end his own life.

No; leaving him alone was not an option.

Which led back to Splinter’s previously mentioned frayed nerves.

Four days into this new, stressful change, and his genius son was still managing to find creative ways to sneak past their watchful eyes. Six attempts, in total. Each time, caught with seconds to spare, and just as traumatic for everyone involved.

Raphael and Michelangelo at the moment, were going through their home, removing every sharp implement they could find. Anything that could possibly be used to “put an end to the loop” that Donatello was convinced he was stuck in.

While the two performed their important task, Blue and Splinter had the harder of the two jobs; watching Purple.

Splinter was currently sitting comfortably in his chair, but it was far from his usual level of relaxation. Despite plenty of bean bags to occupy, the twins were locked in a shoving match. For some reason, they were fighting over the single, smallest one they must’ve owned.

“If you don’t get out of my personal space, I swear to Oppenheimer you will regret it, Leonardo!”

“And I swear to Ryan Renolds, that I’ll shred all of your softest hoodies if you kick me in the nuts one more time!”

“That Barbenheimer joke doesn’t even make sense, you idiot, that was Ryan Gosling!”

“Who mentioned Barbie? I’m talking about Deadpool and Wolverine!”

“What does that movie have to do with anything?!”

“Fuck dude, what did I just say about nut shots!”

“Then get out of my kicking radius, and your non-existent nuts will be safe!”

“BOYS!”

Both his sons quickly pause their arguing, giving their father their undivided attention.

“Leonardo, go help your brothers.” Splinter demands. “I will watch Purple. He has not had a moment of free time from any of you in days, and it is clearly wearing on all of us.” Blue gives his father one of his patented unimpressed stare downs.

“No offense, Pops, but how is you watching him, any different than me?”

“Because I will sit in my chair, and Purple will scroll on his phone, and there will be quiet.” Splinter can’t stand the bickering any longer. He knows both his sons will benefit from this time apart. It’s just convincing Blue of that.

Donatello’s gaze is boring holes into the back of Leonardo’s head while his second oldest son matches Splinter’s scrutiny. The rat can see the need for some fresh air battling against Blue’s desire to stay close. But Leonardo is his sharpest son, and even he can admit that his constant presence has become too grating for his brother.

“You need to watch him like a hawk, Dad,” Leo glares at his twin out of the corner of his gaze, “sometimes you can get a little…distracted.”

The new projector, playing Splinter’s same old programs, flashes against the curtain hung on the wall. The volume is set to low, but Blue still looks pointedly between his father and the screen. Splinter doesn’t blame him for his concern, so he tries to put all the gravity he can into his tone, enough that when he does promise to stay vigilant, it seems to convince Blue to place his trust in him.

Purple stays quiet through the exchange, only breathing a sigh of relief once his brother is long past the threshold of the den. He looks ready to lean back into his hard won pillows, but Splinter realizes that Blue had something of a point. Donatello is positioned quite far from him, and he’s suddenly nervous about catching something in time.

“Purple, how about you come sit with me.” Splinter suggests it kindly but firmly, and with a smile– so his son can’t refuse. He pats the bit of cushion next to his legs, “I will honor my promise to leave you alone, but I would be much more relaxed if you were within my reach.”

His boy merely blinks at him, blank faced, and staring at the very spot that Splinter has just created for him.

It isn’t as though his recliner is small, even if Splinter himself is. Donatello had custom made it for him, after one too many complaints about his old brown one hurting his back. It practically swallows Splinter, but remains just stiff enough to provide plenty of support for his lower back. He could even lay sideways and still have some space to stretch.

Splinter recalls very clear memories of all his sons fighting for a spot by his side when they were younger. But it has been some time since those days…perhaps Donatello thinks he’s far too old for such a thing as sitting by his aging father. Yoshi remembers himself at eighteen, and shudders. He’s forever thankful that no matter how lacking his parenting skills might have been, that his boys are kinder to him than he ever was to his Jiji.

Donatello pulls at some invisible thread of his black leggings. Since this new alteration of his memories, Purple has taken to wearing more layers. It’s nearing fall, but not nearly cold enough for the large sweatshirt, black leggings AND socks that his son is currently donning.

Splinter just barely hears Purple murmur a jumbled, “Huh?”

Splinter catches some sort of emotion actively being suppressed behind the bewildered shock at his offer, but it’s hard to tell what it is. Over the years Splinter is ashamed to say, he has grown very bad at reading his own children. Especially Purple, who, if he was being honest, has always been very hard to decipher.

Splinter starts to think the offer will be rejected, when Purple finally climbs to his feet and ambles slowly over. The unknown emotion skittering at the edge of Donatello’s expression morphs into something closer to suspicion. This one easy to identify, especially when it practically drips from his next words.

“Trying to endear yourself to me won’t sway me into falling for your tricks.”

The barb is said just as unkindly as everything else Purple has thrown at his family these last few days. Splinter lets it slide off him like water. He knows his son would (probably) never speak to him like that if he wasn’t stuck in such a painfully clear mode of survival and uncertainty.

“Yes, yes.” He says, untroubled. “Come sit and I can finally lean my chair back.”

Donatello watches him the entire time as he cautiously settles into his spot. He yelps when Splinter grabs his ankles and pulls his son’s long (thin, still much too thin) legs across his lap. For an instant, Splinter freezes, growing worried he’s overstepped. The act had been done without a thought. It’s the way Purple has always liked to sit, finding it more comfortable than any other way. Donatello preferred to keep his distance. A deviation from his siblings, for sure.

Michelangelo would press as close as possible, two sides smushed together like a hug, only without the constricting limbs (though, if Orange were ever to fall asleep in Splinter’s chair, those too would eventually find their way to catching him in their hold).

Leonardo preferred to sit on the arm of his chair, never staying still for long enough to find a comfortable position. But when he slumbered, after a long night of binge watching Novela’s with Splinter–he would curl up, head in his father’s lap, limbs held tight to his body. Like he was afraid even that was asking for too much.

Raphael, his poor, eldest son, hadn’t sat with him in so long. Splinter could still remember a little turtle tot in red, climbing up and splaying out onto his lap when he needed a good cry–or just a moment of peace from his much too loud siblings. Sadly, it wasn’t long before his Red was too big, and his father too small to provide such a refuge. The last time Raphael needed consoling; after the Krang, Splinter had been forced to climb up onto his own son’s knees in order to reach and wipe away his tears.

In the few rare instances of Purple seeking out physical touch, this was all he would allow. Legs stretched over his father’s lap, but his upper body was always off limits. Pulled just far enough away from the threat of any sort of long term contact.

Splinter used to wonder if Purple was scared to ask for anything more, like Leonardo, or if he thought depriving himself of a comforting hug would make him seem stronger, like Raphael, or even the rare times when Michelangelo wished to appear more mature and refused to be comforted. Eventually, Splinter caught on to the truth. His son was asking for comfort, in his own unique way. He was content with the minimal amount of closeness, as long as he felt like he was able to dictate the terms.

But one thing Purple would always allow his father to do, was loop his fingers around his ankles. Trusting the grip would hold his legs in place and keep him stable. He once said the pressure was small enough that it wasn’t overwhelming, but strong enough that it could ground him when everything became too much.

Even now, the act of reaching out to pull his son’s long legs up had been so instinctive. When Splinter looks over and sees the uncertainty still on Purple’s face, he knows he’s pushed too far too quickly.

It’s a risky move, but he’s already pushed, and it’s something that never fails, not once since he’s discovered it.

Purple has always been the most ticklish of all his brothers. Another thing that never really helped his sensory issues. But Splinter long ago discovered that there was a particular spot, which could always earn him a giggle and a brighter smile.

Splinter grips the meat of Donatello’s right knee and jiggles it back and forth. The silly action seems to do the trick and knocks something loose in his son’s overwrought head. His gamble pays off spectacularly, and Splinter is overjoyed to see a small smile erase most of the uncertainty clouding Donatello’s face. It isn’t a full peal of laughter, but the wariness makes way for something softer, and the huff of air from his nose is just as rewarding as a full body laugh.

His boy rests his shoulder and head onto the cushioned back of the chair and Splinter presses the button that will lift up the leg rest, and recline them both into a more restful position.

After a few moments of quiet, Donatello slowly pulls his phone from the pocket of his hoodie. Even without looking directly at him, Splinter can feel his son watching and waiting for the reprimand he thinks will come. Instead, Splinter raises the volume of his show just loud enough for him to hear, but not enough to completely shatter their peace. He wants to make Purple feel more at ease; like he’s not being constantly surveilled–not providing more overstimulation.

They sit like that for some time. Splinter rubs a thumb back and forth across the meatier part of Donatello's calves. He’s learned that repetitive touch is the best kind of grounding technique for Purple. The patterned motion always worked to calm his nerves.

Even still, after only so long Splinter catches Purple lowering his phone.

He keeps his own gaze forward, locked on his commercials. Splinter can see, without looking, that his son is studying him, trying to take apart something in his mind that he doesn’t understand. Splinter allows him all the time he needs to gather his thoughts.

Finally Purple speaks, “Dad…?” It’s so quiet, if Splinter hadn't been waiting for it, he might’ve missed it.

He pauses the repetitive kneading for just a moment, squeezing his hold, and humming in order to prompt his son to continue his thought.

“Can I tell you something?” The inquiry is whispered to him so delicately. It takes everything in him to keep his face open and soft and his movements steady. It’s clear that Donatello is trying his best to remain aloof, but his gaze is locked on his hands that are settled in his lap, the fingers of one pulling on the digits from his other.

At some point he must’ve put his phone completely away. Splinter feels the pressure of having Donatello's complete focus aimed at him.

The tugging intensifies. Splinter wonders if he should reach out, but he’s not sure how well that would be received. It doesn’t look painful just yet.

“I don't know what Kendra is accomplishing by showing me this.” Donatello growls, suddenly digging his palms into his eyes like he can still feel the weight of the screen blocking his vision. “Trying to make me happy, only to rip it all away from me? Or attempting to make me feel, even more like a useless burden than I was?”

It’s the first crack in his armor that Purple has shown in days. A clear sign that he was not as unaffected by Kendra’s lies as he’d been trying to project. Donatello sighs, but as it dies out Splinter thinks it sounds closer to a sob.

“You can’t tell the others…” Donatello looks at him with wet, desperate eyes, and it’s unclear if his son still doubts who he’s speaking to, but Splinter works to ease his fears all the same.

“I swear, whatever you tell me will remain between us, alone.”

Donatello nods faintly, eyes trailing downwards once more. Splinter may have had trouble before, but now the many emotions jumping across his son’s face—fear, shame, frustration, all are easy to catch.

With a shaking breath he whispers his secret. “I lied.” He’s crying now, real tears that he doesn’t even bother to wipe away. The pulling at his skin grows more violent, and Splinter finally interferes to carefully pry Donatello’s hands apart before damage is done. In place he cradles his son’s hands like delicate porcelain and runs a thumb over Donatello’s palm.

“I told everyone that I could tell. That I wasn’t being fooled, but that’s not exactly true. The last few loops have…it’s been getting harder, and harder to remember things— how they really happened. Too much is…plausible.”

Splinter keeps silent. This confession has clearly been weighing on Donatello. He deserves to get it all out, and hopefully feel lighter for it. Even if Purple suspects the family, something is letting Donatello open up enough for him to share his fears.

“There was one loop…Mikey broke…he broke the remote…When I said I didn’t have time to fix it. He threw the pieces at my head. He would never do that, though…right?”

“No, of course not,” Splinter answers immediately, quick to banish the doubt from his son’s mind. Donatello only blinks at him, like his thoughts are moving too slow, and cannot comprehend such a simple, stark contradiction to what he experienced.

“It felt so real…it all feels so real. But…I could feel how one of the sharp, broken corners had cut through my mask and how the wet fabric stuck to my skin with blood.”

Donatello raises a hand and touches the spot where the phantom wound must’ve sat. The pain now gone, but the memory of it haunts his eyes and rattles the tremors building in his hands.

“I thought…I thought I was handling this—maybe not well…But I’d hoped I would be strong enough to last until you all came for me…And now Raph is saying it’s already over.”

It’s a simplified form of the truth which they had tried to get Purple to believe, but even that much clearly doesn’t sit well with him. “If it is over, why does my body feel like one massive bruise? How did you all find me? How long did I last? Was I in there long enough to…?”

He’s clearly scared to ask Splinter any more questions, so he trails off, curling in on himself and pulling his hands up to his chest, pressing there, as if checking to make sure he feels something still beating.

Splinter decides he’s waited long enough and slowly pulls Donatello out of his hunched ball and guides his head to his own chest, making sure his ear is aligned against his own pulsing heartbeat.

Donatello resists slightly at first, but the moment he’s close enough to catch the sound, his breath catches and he glues himself to the spot.

“I don’t want to be there anymore,” Purple murmurs. It sounds like sleep is catching up with his son, the exhaustion pulling him down and slurring his words.

Splinter cups the back of Donatello’s head and carefully tug his fur lined blanket down from where it’s been sitting on the back of his chair. The blanket slots over the both of them and Donatello curls even closer to his father, tucking himself into his warmth.

“Go to sleep, when you wake up, you will be right here.” He’s sure to say it softly but with as much reassurance as possible, and Donatello seems too tired at this point to hold onto his doubts.

“Okay…,” Donatello mutters. Then, practically hanging on to the waking world for one final query hesitantly asks, “…Dad?…Do you love me?”

Splinter doesn’t even think. “Of course, my son.”

Donatello’s breathing finally evens out, and Splinter feels a few tears finally escape.

He’s not sure what next steps they should take, or what kind of state his son will be in when he wakes, but Splinter can only hope this is progress. He prays it won’t be undone…but regardless, Donatello is home. Any steps back or forward will be taken together, and that is the most important part.

[halfahundredcats]

There are so many times on here when I’ve seen a post where op is relating an astoundingly bad take they’ve seen somewhere, and I’ve always kind of been confused, like where are they even seeing this. I’ve curated my dash within an inch of its life, and I rarely see fandom discourse or drama except posts that (often vaguely) talk about it second-hand.

Well, I understand now, y’all. You probably weren’t seeing it on this hellsite. You were seeing it on a different, worse hellsite (namely, Twitter). Because I’m on Bluesky now, and while it so far seems to be much better than Tweeters, I haven’t yet had the chance to wield my block and filter functions as robustly, and I’m now coming into contact with some of those astoundingly bad takes.

I’ve seen comments on the DJenks Holiday Special Thread saying things like “Oh Stede understands now why Izzy was so mad all the time” and “managing Ed’s whims really is a full-time job,” and just. Fucking. No. No, Stede doesn’t relate to Izzy now because they are very different fucking people with very different fucking relationships with Ed. Being an angry dick has never been Stede’s way of doing things, with anyone, much less Ed. Stede’s brand is Sassy Bitch, and I feel like Ed isn’t even on the receiving end of that very often. Let’s not forget, it’s been two years, and they’re running the inn successfully. Ed is taking joy in setting up a beautiful dining table. He’s bragging *about Stede* when Stede breaks in to ask for his help. This is not a relationship plagued by constant disagreements. It’s not “trouble in paradise.” Ed saying he’s more of a “front of house guy” is clearly Dad slipping in a callback to the bts we all enjoyed so much. (Now it’s true that Ed is kind of ADHD-ing it in these scenes, hyperfocusing on setting the table and getting distracted in his storytelling instead of noticing Stede is slammed. I did see someone say that Stede is going to use his Captain Voice, and that definitely feels like the vibe to me.) It’s not like they’re never going to have little disagreements, but these two didn’t literally fight their way back to each other to be undone by the mundane pressures of running a small business together. And why would you want them to? Why would you want to look at this grand and beautiful love story and think “but consider how cool it would be if they ended up hating each other?” Do you watch The Princess Bride and enjoy imagining Westley and Buttercup’s eventual divorce? Not everything has to be drama and cynicism and people being terrible to each other. I especially do not think that David Jenkins is taking his Barbies in that direction in his fanfic of his own show.

I’m putting this here instead of responding to ppl on Bsky because I really *don’t* want to get involved in the Disc Horse. I’m just blocking ppl on there whose takes I don’t like. That is ultimately the way to enjoy your fandom. Focus on the stuff you like, don’t get bogged down arguing with haters. So this is probably the only thing I’ll say about this. Anyhoo!

[goldenpinof]

curious about your perspective – what do you think is the primary reason for the current comeback, and for the large scale of it (daily videos, new heavily marketed merch, etc)? are they trying to make up some monetary loss? is it true revitalized passion? the influence of the new management? lead-up to a major project/announcement? i'm guessing there's an element of at least the first three, but interested in your opinion as a noted non-cynical cynic (compliment btw)

under the cut because that's a lot. and it's not even all of my thoughts, unfortunately.

no one is gonna read it. but if you are, i'm sorry in advance.

ahaha. about merch. did you notice how they just continue to promote the calendar and the catboy sweater even though the initial release and promo had a deadline aka till December 1st? this is a fishy marketing right there. and i would love to know: why they did what they did (i'd assume they printed more calendars than people ordered by Dec 1st, but that's not our problem as customers. we shouldn't have been put into a framework in the 1st place if there was a chance for this shit to go south. this theory goes against the "pre-order" with a start of shipping in 2-3 weeks); why their managers allowed it (from a legal perspective); and why dnp didn't say anything. anyways.

i do think that Dan is trying to compensate for wad losses. and i know that he was "joking" about not making money or making negative money on tour. but i saw ticket sales a day before each show (only public information, not the inside official data from venues), it's still on my blog. and the sales didn't look good. so, how much of it was a joke? and compensating by making content that we and they enjoy isn't a bad thing, btw! i also think that he feels guilty for leaving us and the dnp brand behind for so long without actually giving us anything in return. thus so many comments on this 5-year hiatus and potential future ones. blame youtube originals, i know. not really his fault, but his choice of (the lack of) communication is his fault. and again, i always come back to wad. something fucking clicked in his head when he saw not as many people as he hoped for (or expected), how dedicated were some of those who still supported him during wad, and also he realised that without stronger managers he was not gonna make it solo. and he dragged Phil along because they do everything together and only then it works the best, and also dnpg's return in full force needed new energy for the amount of sponsorships they decided to do (i think, it's mainly Phil's pushing, because he is pro-sponsorships, they just need to be more careful with it on dnpg because Dan (hopefully) has principles when it comes to this. which is amazing. you go, girl!)

i'm very suspicious of dnp's new management right now. so idk. i think, again, most of it comes from Phil, because Phil thrives on their gaming channel, and that's basically the only easy way to survive on youtube and make money right now (for him). i'm glad dnp separated dnpg from their solo careers at least on the management and content levels. it gives Phil the room to use dnpg as a brand to pitch and fund his ideas/projects if it's ever needed. and now, after we survived the hiatus, they can pause dnpg for a couple of months to focus on their solo projects without losing the majority of the audience because technically we would know the reason and also we grew a thicker skin.

i do think that Dan is using dnpg to later help himself with a stand-up special or tour or some sort of series (danisnotokay). i also think he will use it to promote wad dvd (which is good. i will be disappointed if he doesn't use dnpg. like, bitch, why are we even here then? those who went through wad with him, i mean). i wonder if Inter Talent (i'm separating their name intentionally at his point because they piss me off) was smart enough to announce Dan and Phil's signings 2 weeks after UTA announced Dan to just make us pay attention to Dan's solo career again. as a hint of something coming our way. you know what i mean? i wonder if it was intentional. like UTA made a huge announcement, Dan retweeted it and posted it on instagram stories. it was a big deal. meanwhile, dnpg began thriving again and our eyes were on Dan anyway, so of course we noticed that solo career was on the maps again. Inter Talent was basically silent as another representative of Dan (and Phil), despite having them on the website for at least a month. and now 2 weeks after UTA's announcement (which was on November 22, 2023) Inter Talent was like, "hello? do you remember we signed Dan? and also Phil, and their joint channel?" Dan said wad dvd is almost cooked. wouldn't it be genius to stir our interest up step by step? (a part of me still thinks that Inter Talent's social media managers are just slow as fuck though. also they don't even care to check facts about their clients. UTA didn't fuck the announcement up like that, btw. and i doubt Inter Talent realises how nosy dnp's audience is, and that we are very likely gonna notice and spread even this stupid announcement. maybe they are dumb and it's me who is a fucking genius planning steps to present wad dvd to the masses, ugh. when will Dan pay me, like for real.)

i'm surprised you don't think it's heavily connected to new projects. i would bet my kidney it does. Dan will fuck off the moment he needs to focus on danisnotokay or someone offers to sponsor another tour (which, please, someone do. i need to see him for professional reasons). the question is, fuck off for how long and if it's gonna be communicated thoroughly or not. i'm not saying he will leave for 6 months without giving us something in return to balance things out. no, no, no. i don't think he would dare. but 3-4 weeks, maybe 2 months? sure.

is it true revitalized passion? well. *nervous laughter* i'm gonna defend Phil like i'm a phillie, even tho i'm not. he wanted it just as much as we did. so i believe it's a true revitalized passion at least on his part. i hope he fights for it if it's necessary, i hope he asks us for help if needed. i hope he threatens Dan with an actual divorce and forever home if needed. like, bitch, if there's a chance to keep dnpg alive without Dan actually losing his will to live, we should use that chance. Dan's stubbornness and delulus are not the reason to kill the most fun and profitable thing they ever created aka dnp brand. let it exist, even if alongside solo projects, even if it's 2-3 videos a month. damn, even 1 video (i don't mean during pauses made specifically for the peaks of solo projects). i do think Dan enjoys the attention, money, and possibilities their returned audience can give him. he also enjoys working with Phil. he certainly does not enjoy promoting their videos. and he is lucky he has Phil for that. is it a true passion for the gaming channel and joint branding solemnly? i genuinely don't think so. now, this dnp brand puts Dan into a framework, unfortunately. and i understand his desire to grow as a "strong independent Dan", and i wish him the best. i will root for him no matter how much of a floppy-ding-dong it can potentially be. i want him to fulfill his dreams and have a team that will fight for his interests. and i hope to god, UTA and Inter Talent are the ones. don't fucking tempt me with your unprofessionalism. but do i think Dan's head and heart belong to dnpg or dnp brand? no. i'm happy that he is at least trying. a part of me doesn't even care about the reason. i'm curious, but in hindsight, it wouldn't matter or change anything.

other thoughts, because apparently i decided to vomit on a keyboard tonight:

i'm glad dnp took back a bit of control over the editing on dnpg. i hope they will try to edit more themselves when gamingmas is over. or they will teach their editors better. because man, we need to slow down with these cuts.

i do think that dnp brand will expand, and dnpg and merch aren't the only things we should expect. (twitch, podcast or liveshows, onlyfans or its equivalent, vlogging series not limited by ditl, and other things that i forgot). reaction videos are already a thing and it's very funny because it's what youtube wants, so Dan must feel amazing right now falling for it :)) it's good thought because it's fun and torture for all parties involved.

i think by these reaction videos they are trying to rewrite their internet history a little bit for those who are new. it's not gonna work with us but at least dnp can control the narrative in new people's heads (i wonder for how long though).

with new people, the phandom will become more generic and dnp will love that. it can actually help Dan with new projects i think. Phil as well, but we don't know shit about it right now.

i wonder if Dan returns to working with charities.

if they involve more phannies, not only artists, it's gonna be interesting.

in case i'm wrong, don't step on my neck, i don't know anything for a fact. half of it is alleged, the other half is wishful thinking <3

[thats-how-i-like-it]

0, 3 and 6 for your Helluva Boss and Arcana S/I's!

Hii thanks for the ask! and sorry I took so long, I was inspired and this got quite long lol.

0 – What are some of the inspirations behind your S/I? Are they exactly like you? Were they an OC? Did any of your favorite characters have any influence in their design/personality?

HB- I took a bit of inspiration from Barbie Wire, and Sally May for my s/i's design, but I based their overall features on my own, personality-wise they're mostly just like me, albeit a bit more cynical and tired, here's a doodle of him:

He's an hybrid between an imp and a succubi, so he has wings (though they are underdeveloped and he can't fly), he always covers them with his coat.

TA- I haven't fleshed out his design, and I haven't drawn him still but I'm taking inspiration from ghibli movies and general depictions of sorcerers, as well as the game's own aesthetic.

6 – What's the relationship dynamic between your S/I and your F/O? Be as vague or as descriptive as you'd like.

(I'll answer this before 3 so you have context for the scenes)

HB- Fizzarolli and Ruzzle (that's my s/i's name) are good friends and coworkers, Ruzzle is Fizzarolli's Financial Advisor and the voice of reason of Fizz (second voice of reason really, but Ozzie doesn't mind the help) as well as the one who offers an ear to Fizz's ramblings and troubles of daily life, they have a very "talks a lot/listens" dynamic.

TA- Portia and Julian have an unique kind of relationship with my s/i (who, I'm not gonna lie, it's just me if I was in The Arcana, down to the name), after the event's of the game, they got closer than ever, and started a relationship that wasn't quite romantic but wasn't platonic either, at first my s/i was a bit worried that dating both siblings at the same time was going to be awkward for them but while they were in the beginning of their relationship, Julian and Portia's repressed feelings for each other started to surface again and so he was at the middle of the siblings' crisis of "I'm in love with my sister/brother wth I do!?" but they figured it out eventually, they have a "chaotic with a soft heart/kind of heart dumb of ass/chill enabler " and "sun/moon/earth" dynamic.

Now with Asra, him and my s/i are biological siblings, but Asra, being in (a bit of obsessive) love with his little brother, put a spell on him so that he forgot they were related, and started romancing them, they were a little on and off at the start of their relationship (not because of major disagreements or anything like that, but because Asra's long travels and the fact that the guilt he felt made him distance himself a bit from the apprentice) but after the events of the game they started slowly getting back together (after my s/i got together with Portia and Julian).

Asra is very protective of his little brother apprentice and partner, and oftentimes gets possessive of them but always finds a way to brush it off or downplay it, he gets this way specially with Julian and Portia (specially Julian, given their shared history), but loves and values my s/i enough to not let it consume him and respect his partner's other relationships.

They have a "confident/nervous", "obsessed/chill" and "mysterious/wears heart on their sleeves" dynamic.

3 – Have you ever imagined any episodes or segments of your F/O's source starring your S/I? If so, what did they get up to?

HB- I can imagine after Oops, Ruzzle was really worried about Fizzarolli, and advised him against participating in Mammon's clown contest this year.

"Didn't you study Business? I can't just not go, it's not good for marketing!"

"Fizz, you were kidnapped and physically hurt, I think your brand can handle you taking a rest"

"But-"

"Think about your mental health Fizzarolli!"

"I'm fine! I've been through way worse!"

I can imagine them being a little tense with each other after that discussion, but when Fizzarolli quit his horrible job and told Mammon to suck it, Ruzzle was the first one to call him and congratulate him.

TA- I have three f/o's from the arcana so bear with me for a second.

I've thought about my s/i spending a lazy sunday with Portia and Julian in Mazelinka's house, helping making lunch, cuddling together, and listening to embarrassing stories from when they were kids.

"One may think that their rowdiness came with the years, but no, did you know that they set fire to their bed once?"

"You two did what!?"

"We were trying to make breakfast for Mazelinka! and someone named Ilya left a match out just in grabbing's reach"

"How was I supposed to know you were going to try to set fire to your kitchen toy set!?"

"How else was I supposed to cook the vegetables!?"

I can also see us running around at the palace, or trying not to make noises while making out on Julian's desk at the library.

With Asra, (and spoilers for his route) you know how in canon him and the apprentice met at the Masquerade? well here, after being left orphaned after their parents died at the hands of Lucio, they were left living on the streets for a while, until there was a day Asra couldn't find my s/i even after looking everywhere, and thus got separated and didn't find each other again until the Masquerade, and at that point Asra had spend the past who-knows-how-many years cultivating his obsessive love with his brother, that he cast a spell on them so they thought they had just met that night.

"Asra! oh my stars I can't believe it's you! after we got separated I promise I tried to look for you I swear but- oh I'm just so glad, I'm just so glad I have my older sibling back, can I keep hugging you?"

"...Yeah, of course, I missed you too, you don't know how much I missed you, my love."

And after putting his hands on their head, giving them a kiss in between their eyes, a twinkling noise was heard.

"...Huh? what- what were we talking about again?"

Asra smiled, albeit it didn't quite reach his eyes yet, as he pulled away to look at them.

"You were telling me you had a headache, and wanted to head outside for fresh air"

"Ah, yes, now that you mentioned it my head does hurt a little. Let's bring this conversation to the gardens, shall we?"

"Of course" he grabbed their hand gently and brought it up to his lips "I've never met someone as clever as you, you know?"

The other giggled "Thanks for the compliment, I could say the same, now let's go before my headache gets worse."

[movedtodykedvonte]

Got any Headcanon about if Spamton and Mettaton were friends?

Oh boy do I! I have multiple cause it really depends when they are meeting cause I feel like it would change the way Mettaton would interact with Spamton (assuming we're using UT!Mettaton):

Addispam

I feel Addispam like idolizes Mettaton, not to like an unhealthy degree but Mettaton is basically everything he aspires to be; well liked, popular, tall

spam already has a fat ass and massive rack so

Mettaton would think he's cute and like that he's eager to impress and a try hard, even if he's still bad at it (reminds him of a less cynical burgerpants or a slightly more confident alphys)

Spam would try to impress MTT but MTT just likes having this funny little thing around. Def likes to get Spam to in MT brand outfits cause he'd "Look so much more advertisable and adorbs"

MTT lets Spam practice his pitches and they treat it like a sleep over night. MTT reherses their lines for the show and Spam just boosts their ego

In this scenario I feel like Spam lets MTT have a space to vent in an ugly not glamourous way cause Spam wouldn't see him as anything but.

Vice Versa having MTT around give Spam a lot of confidence as if this guy just likes having him around he must be doing something right

I also feel like if they got really close and MTT was comfortable explaining his past it would give Spamton hope that he could become great to if he tried enough

Platonic Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit dynamic (or not platonic if ur into it)

I feel like MTT also apricates another robot (essentially) and they enjoy causing havoc in alphys' lab

BS!Spam

If they knew each other before I feel like Spam would be a little more hotty as a big shot, that Mettaton influence am I right?

Otherwise they enhance each other's best qualities actually! I feel like Mettaton would keep Spam personalable and socialable while Spam would be able to reel back Mettaton putting their logo on everything

C'mon they gotta leave room for the big shot brand somewhere

They are rich, famous and hot gossip buddies. Those two mean girls that point at you from the corner but they probs are just betting on how much of their products they could get you to buy

Model each other's stuff for each other but in a rival way "This is good but mine is even better."

Bond over being two people at the top together. I feel like a big part of their sadness in their canons is the loneliness. Deep down they miss those old friends and family but felt they couldn't achieve anything if they didn't separate. It makes it feel less lonely having someone who understands that

Maybe they even encourage each other to see their respective loved ones again

MTT would like doing Spamton's hair and Spamton (the car guy) would be able to do a nice finish and polish on MTT's robo body

Normal Spamton

If they knew each other before this, MTT would be very sad to see what happened to Spam. Spam would probably be really embarrassed but nonetheless just as insane... and hotty as before

MTT would make him their personal project, getting back into big shot shape the Mettaton Brand way!

This is basically MTT and his feral bestie Spam. Spam is eager to pitch anything and I feel would be excited to have a chance to be big again, is a little shit and messes with MTT to take the spotlight

MTT finds it odd and annoying but endearing in a way. Spam's pazzazz makes up for a lot of it and MTT would make it part of the bit

When it comes to Spamton's phone issues I feel like MTT would be accommodating, having the ring be replaced with a sound he likes. I think Spam would return the favor by having his miniton be apart of the act

Again with the closeness and MTT's past, I feel like MTT would make sure to explain that Spam doesn't need to try and reach this height of popularity to be special again or free

Whether Spamton takes the advice or not is really up in the air, though he's considerably happier

Spamton pitpockets the audience but it's considered part of the experience so he's allowed. MTT thinks it's apart of his quirky traits

The miniton really like MTT and act as personal assistants.

Pipis are a part of the show.

SNEO

They are kinning each other.

I like the idea of their friendship, they'd be cute and chaotic together and be everyone else's problem <3

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Week

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #68: “Waiting for Edward” | December 25, 1998 | S05E11

Ending the season on an episode that’s just fine. Denis Leary joins the Ghost with his acerbic brand of being a jerk. Denis plays it roughly how you’d expect, by acting very CYNICAL. He’s a cool guy who speaks his mind, and you gotta respect that. 

I’m a little at odds with myself, because I’m pretty sure that the first time I saw this I literally thought Denis Leary was ACTUALLY VERY FUNNY AND COOL. I still appreciate him on some level; he does embody a very 90s ‘tude that is generally “my bag”. In fact I bet you a million space bucks that I at one time or another referred to this as one of my favorite episodes just because it has Denis Leary in it. I really was that much of a loser. But I’ve grown up.* I’ve changed.**  Nowadays I just wish he would stop smoking and ranting, I got school in the morning, sheesh! I

This one starts with a very long “Waiting.” title card intro. I’ve been told that this episode aired with different variations where the music that plays during it is changed out. I remember one time noticing that in the program schedule for this episode they actually added “(version B)” to the episode title. I think Kon, who knows and is actually very good friends with Space Ghost, told me that it meant there was different music, and that it was on purpose. I think. He’ll correct me.

 I have to tell you something: I recently downloaded the Superjail episode “Superbar” as-aired as part of it’s stealth premiere on April Fools Day 2008. It was a “fine cut” version that wasn’t final, and it had the “Waiting.” title card at the start of it. Was “Waiting.” some kind of genuine internal Cartoon Network thing that played before the episodes instead of a more traditional countdown lead-in or production slate or whatever? 

This one also ends with, instead of an episode number, a little bug in the corner that designates this episode as belonging to the “100 series”. To this day, I don’t know what that means. When I was just watching these on TV in random order I assumed they actually had reached 100 episodes and decided not to count them after that. I was wrong, and I’m still baffled by it. In my comic “Early Conan” (which I’m not linking to because the web hosting is about to expire and I’m gonna move it somewhere else eventually) I actually included a “100 series” reference when I hit strip 100.

Notable moment run-down: the very long “Waiting” intro being interrupted briefly with footage of Space Ghost with Zorak on his shoulders, doing something mysterious. Zorak telling Leary that he’s seen all of his movies and that he didn’t think any of them were very good.  Moltar trying to get Space Ghost to say “nice jacket, Fonzie” to Denis. Denis dismissively telling Space Ghost that he only agreed to be on the show because his kids like it, and Space Ghost singing the line back “so the feelings of your stupid kids are more important than mine”. Space Ghost’s spit-take gag turning everyone red. Appearances from Brak and Lokar, who hasn’t been seen in a while. 

There’s also an appearance from the Cartoon Gang, who did somewhat lengthy interstitials between shows on Cartoon Network. It was just a group of kids discussing cartoons. They weren’t too beloved, and they seemed like the product of a craven attempt to be more outwardly kid-friendly by putting real kids on camera. I didn’t really remember them at all, but for some reason I have strong memories of Evan Dorkin hilariously bad-mouthing them during a Space Ghost commentary track. In their thankfully brief segment, Space Ghost bores them to tears about “saving Christmas” and then yells at them for being layabouts. Christmas gets a special thanks in the credits. Hilarious. Hey, when did this air, anyway? I don’t feel like looking up.

That closes out another Space Ghost Week. We’ve only got one more Space Ghost Week for classic Ghost, then I’ll probably do another one covering the dreaded GameTap episodes. Until next time, uh… I can’t think of a Space Ghost reference to put here. Oh well.

*I have not grown up. **I have not changed.

MAIL BAG

Tonight we resume our Adult Swim programming. Yippee! Here are a bunch of SG Mail Bags:

it's a line from the smash hit mario movie. don't read the trades much, do ya?

I’m afraid I don’t believe you that Merrill Markoe’s dead dog Lewis is in the Mario Movie and that they say “Lewis Lectures here we come!”. I’m willing to be wrong about this, though.

its hard to explain how cool kevin smith was to people who were too old or too young to be there.

He’s simply too weird for words nowadays. But man, the run of Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy was gigantic if you were an easily-impressed teenager who liked indie movies in the 1990s. I sorta admire him for trying new-ish things after that though. I Stan Tusk.

Meeting!

(doing the three stooges “hello” thing) (Jason Mewes, revealed to be napping at Kevin Smith’s feet during his Space Ghost interview) “heh-leoh”

any tips for anyone looking into getting into space ghost?

I can see how it might be tough getting to Space Ghost; especially since younger people might not be able to latch onto it for various reasons. Saying to check out episodes based on the guests can backfire, and I’m sure some viewers consider all the guests to be impossibly ancient.

I got into Space Ghost by seeing whatever episodes were on randomly. References to other episodes would pique my interest and they’d pay off later when I finally got to them.

At some point I’ll probably produce a list of best episodes of Space Ghost, but I won’t right now. You could do worse just finding random “best episodes” lists or sorting one on IMDB.

If you’re the type of person who compulsively starts with a full chronological watch-through regardless of the advice you receive saying to do otherwise, I’d say do this: get whatever you can get your hands on (DVDs, torrent, streaming [it’s getting yanked from HBOMax soon]) and just go with that even if it’s missing stuff. Fill in the gaps later. Please know that the early episodes might not be the funniest things ever, but this is also one of the rare comedies that actually gets funnier as it goes along. There’s going to be references you don’t get, There’s still stuff about the show I don’t understand, either. 

This might be unorthodox but: Maybe watch the episodes or seasons in backwards order? That’s actually probably a very good idea. Okay, yeah, actually, just do that.

[paperboy-pb]

How do the teachers look like in Paperboy and what are their names and personalities?

GOD, I wish I had more recent art of them to show off! Most of the art I have for them is actually quite outdated, so not everyone is going to be shown off yet-- soon, though! >:)

Paperboy is a cartoon world at the end of the day, & our main character is a kid, so of course, most of the teachers are villains. They almost all kind of have joke names (some more obvious than others) & they're basically all like... a parody or exaggeration of people I often saw working in Special Ed as a kid.

But despite that, the harm that they do to our main characters is actually serious, and the baddies all sort of embody very different brands of ableism.

☆ PAPERBOY TEACHERS 101! ☆

[MARIA HIVELY]: The cynical, burnt-out, & chronically overworked main teacher for Class 7-C! 🐝

Mrs. Hively is extremely critical, yells very often, takes her stress out on the kids, and plays favorites. She sees her students as drones or worker bees & believes that somebody's worth is only about how productive and "useful" they are in society and not who they are as people.

[BUTCH HEARTMANN]: The jerkish, ignorant, and arrogant Guidance Counselor for grades 7 & 8! 💥🤬

Mr. Heartmann acts cool at first, but he's easily annoyed, loud, degrading, sleazy, & has some SERIOUS anger issues. He doesn't believe in mental health at all. Especially not kids' mental health.

[JOANNE YARNLY]: P.S. 361's wise & kind-hearted occupational therapist! 🧶🍵

Ms. JoAnne (as kids call her) is a mother, and it shows. She's a bit of a Ms. Honey type as she is soft-spoken, open-minded, & realizes the abuse that goes on. She isn't normally bold enough to stand up to her coworkers... but she's very aware, & will ALWAYS try to protect her students as much as possible.

[JUNIPER RAINBOHZ]: An out-of-touch Adapted Phys Ed teacher for multiple schools, including P.S. 361. 🌈🔆

Mrs. Rainbohz is... happy? She tends to act like the world is all sunshine and rainbows, & believes disabled kids are "too simple" to handle reality. She often talks to them like babies, is oblivious to their problems, and never explains anything.

[COSETTE POSHIVERE]: P.S. 361's nervous wreck of a principal! 😵‍💫🐀

Principal Poshivere (or as the kids call her, Principal Pushover) is a doormat. She's means well! But she's easily overwhelmed, afraid of confrontation, and isn't strong-willed enough to properly discipline kids... or the rest of the staff.

And finally, the worst of the worst...

[ANGELICA CANEPA]: One of P.S. 361's paraproffesionals. She's seen as an angel or a saint by many who don't know what it takes to teach Special Ed. Currently working in Special Ed class 8-C. 😇🤐

Ms. Canepa is a NIGHTMARE, & a big part of why Matthew wants to leave Special Ed quickly. If he doesn't, he will have Canepa next year. She's overbearing, invasive, and will stop at nothing to change... no, "FIX" her disabled students. Nothing at all.

And when you get to the root of the matter... she's selfish. She makes a big song & dance about how many kids she helps, parades them around, going on & on about how she's doing suuuuch a good deed by just being in the career she's in. And the community eats it all up. The parents, teachers... everyone.

But she doesn't really want to help. Better yet, she's NOT helping! She condescends the kids. She doesn't accept their differences. She doesn't respect boundaries, she's not patient, she's not kind, and she's not there for them. She won't even embrace them until they surpress ALL of their disability.

She's not a para out of the goodness of her heart. She's a para because she revels in the praise. Because after all, nobody ever thinks about how disabled kids feel, or what they need.

They all just think about how great you must be to put yourself near disabled people willingly.

Now, of course, that's not everyone. And there's way more to each of their characters & how they impact the kids than that. There are some minor teachers as well-- the art teacher, the physical therapist, the lunch monitor, etc.

But that's the basics, and I don't want to overload you with more info than I have to.

Stay tuned if you'd like to see what they look like, though! Because I WILL be showing them all off sometime this month :]

[charlenasaxen]

The Importance of Being Earnest

“I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand”

“have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding”

“Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe.”

“The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.”

“ Please don't touch the cucumber sandwiches. They are ordered specially for Aunt Augusta. [Takes one and eats it.]”

“That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt.”

“Well, my dear fellow, you need not eat as if you were going to eat it all. You behave as if you were married to her already.”

“In the second place, I don't give my consent.

Your consent!”

“Do you mean to say you have had my cigarette case all this time?”

“I have been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was very nearly offering a large reward.”

“I wish you would offer one. I happen to be more than usually hard up.”

“More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read”

“I don't propose to discuss modern culture. It isn't the sort of thing one should talk of in private.”

“My dear fellow, what on earth is there in that? Some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall. That is a matter that surely an aunt may be allowed to decide for herself.”

“You seem to think that every aunt should be exactly like your aunt! That is absurd!”

“There is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt, but why an aunt, no matter what her size may be, should call her own nephew her uncle”

“I have introduced you to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw”

“my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was given to me in the country”

“you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist.”

“That is nothing to you, dear boy. You are not going to be invited…”

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!”

“Literary criticism is not your forte, my dear fellow. Don't try it.”

“I have invented an invaluable permanent invalid called Bunbury, in order that I may be able to go down into the country”

“I haven't asked you to dine with me anywhere to-night.

I know. You are absurdly careless about sending out invitations.”

“always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even decent…”

“The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous”

“I am going to kill my brother, indeed I think I'll kill him in any case. Cecily is a little too much interested in him. It is rather a bore.”

“I strongly advise you to do the same with Mr… with your invalid friend who has the absurd name

Nothing will induce me to part with Bunbury”

“Then your wife will. You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none.”

“That, my dear young friend, is the theory that the corrupt French Drama has been propounding”

“don't try to be cynical. It's perfectly easy to be cynical.”

“My dear fellow, it isn't easy to be anything nowadays. There's such a lot of beastly competition about.”

“Yes, but you must be serious about it. I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them.”

“That's not quite the same thing. In fact the two things rarely go together.”

“I am always smart! Am I not, Mr. Worthing?

You're quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.”

“GWENDOLEN and JACK sit down together in the corner”

“I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta, about there being no cucumbers, not even for ready money”

“I hear her hair has turned quite gold”

“Yes; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid”

“Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd.”

“do I in any way approve of the modern sympathy with invalids. I consider it morbid. Illness of any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged”

“I should be much obliged if you would ask Mr. Bunbury, from me, to be kind enough not to have a relapse on Saturday”

“It is my last reception, and one wants something that will encourage conversation, particularly at the end of the season”

“I do mean something else.

I thought so. In fact, I am never wrong.”

“I knew I was destined to love you”

“I pity any woman who is married to a man called John”

“only really safe name is Ernest”

“Nothing has been said at all about marriage. The subject has not even been touched on.”

“Well… may I propose to you now?

I think it would be an admirable opportunity.”

“You know what I have got to say to you.

Yes, but you don't say it.”

“How long you have been about it! I am afraid you have had very little experience in how to propose.”

“What wonderfully blue eyes you have, Ernest! They are quite, quite, blue. I hope you will always look at me just like that”

“I am engaged to Mr. Worthing, mamma. [They rise together.]”

“GWENDOLEN goes to the door. She and JACK blow kisses to each other”

“Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.

I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind.”

“I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?”

“The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect”

“In fact, as far as I can make out, the poachers are the only people who make anything out of it”

“However, that could easily be altered.

Do you mean the fashion, or the side?”

“To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”

“It would be nearer the truth to say that my parents seem to have lost me…”

“[Gravely.] In a hand-bag.”

“To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life”

“I would strongly advise you, Mr. Worthing, to try and acquire some relations as soon as possible”

“a girl brought up with the utmost care – to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel?”

“Didn't it go off all right, old boy?”

“Never met such a Gorgon… don't really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one”

“In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is rather unfair…”

“I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.

That is exactly what things were originally made for.”

“perfectly phrased! and quite as true as any observation in civilised life should be”

“I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays.”

“an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.”

“What do they talk about?

The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.

What fools!”

“The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to some one else, if she is plain”

“I'll say he died in Paris of apoplexy. Lots of people die of apoplexy, quite suddenly, don't they?”

“You are sure a severe chill isn't hereditary, or anything of that kind?

Of course it isn't!”

“She has got a capital appetite, goes long walks, and pays no attention at all to her lessons”

“I'll bet you anything you like that half an hour after they have met, they will be calling each other sister”

“Women only do that when they have called each other a lot of other things first”

“The old-fashioned respect for the young is fast dying out. Whatever influence I ever had over mamma, I lost at the age of three.”

“nothing that she can possibly do can alter my eternal devotion to you”

“Your town address at the Albany I have. What is your address in the country?”

“There is a good postal service, I suppose? It may be necessary to do something desperate”

“Good! Algy, you may turn round now.

Thanks, I've turned round already.”

“It never is, sir.

Lane, you're a perfect pessimist.

I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.”

“I love scrapes. They are the only things that are never serious.”

“JACK looks indignantly at him, and leaves the room. ALGERNON lights a cigarette, reads his shirt-cuff, and smiles.”

“Garden at the Manor House. A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the house. The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses.”

“But I don't like German. It isn't at all a becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.”

“Indeed, he always lays stress on your German when he is leaving for town”

“Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious! Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be quite well”

“Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his conversation”

“I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people at a moment's notice”

“Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us”

“Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end happily. They depress me so much.”

“The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.”

“Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.

No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively that you had a headache.”

“Even these metallic problems have their melodramatic side”

“I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.”

“Enter ALGERNON, very gay and debonair”

“You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall”

“Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily. You mustn't think that I am wicked.”

“I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.”

“I don't think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant”

“I have a business appointment that I am anxious… to miss?

Couldn't you miss it anywhere but in London?”

“Your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your outfit.

I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my outfit. He has no taste in neckties at all.”

“Australia! I'd sooner die.”

“you would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia”

“You might make that your mission, if you don't mind, cousin Cecily.

I'm afraid I've no time, this afternoon.”

“I will. I feel better already.

You are looking a little worse.”

“How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals.”

“I never have any appetite unless I have a buttonhole first.”

“Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.”

“[CECILY puts the rose in his buttonhole.] You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.”

“Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.

They are a snare that every sensible man would like to be caught in.”

“I don't think I would care to catch a sensible man. I shouldn't know what to talk to him about.”

“A misanthrope I can understand – a womanthrope, never!”

“is a man not equally attractive when married?”

“often, I've been told, not even to her”

“What a lesson for him! I trust he will profit by it.”

“Was the cause of death mentioned?

A severe chill, it seems.

As a man sows, so shall he reap.”

“My sermon on the meaning of the manna in the wilderness can be adapted to almost any occasion”

“The last time I delivered it was in the Cathedral, as a charity sermon on behalf of the Society for the Prevention of Discontent”

“I suppose you know how to christen all right?”

“But is there any particular infant in whom you are interested, Mr. Worthing?”

“I would like to be christened myself, this afternoon, if you have nothing better to do”

“surely, Mr. Worthing, you have been christened already?

I don't remember anything about it.”

“Of course I don't know if the thing would bother you in any way, or if you think I am a little too old now”

“Immersion!

You need have no apprehensions. Sprinkling is all that is necessary”

“Oh, I might trot round about five if that would suit you”

“Oh! I don't see much fun in being christened along with other babies. It would be childish. Would half-past five do?”

“I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief. What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”

“Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.”

“You couldn't be so heartless as to disown him. I'll tell him to come out.”

“After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing”

“Good heavens! [Motions ALGERNON away.]”

“Nothing will induce me to take his hand. I think his coming down here disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.”

“Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in every one. Ernest has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend Mr. Bunbury”

“surely there must be much good in one who is kind to an invalid, and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain”

“Oh! he has been talking about Bunbury, has he?”

“Bunbury! Well, I won't have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else. It is enough to drive one perfectly frantic.”

“I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first time I have come here”

“Uncle Jack, if you don't shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you.

Never forgive me?”

“pleasant, is it not, to see so perfect a reconciliation? I think we might leave the two brothers together.”

“You have done a beautiful action to-day, dear child.

We must not be premature in our judgments.”

“You young scoundrel, Algy, you must get out of this place as soon as possible. I don't allow any Bunburying here.”

“What?

Mr. Ernest's luggage, sir. I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own.

His luggage?”

“Merriman, order the dog-cart at once. Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back”

“What a fearful liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to town at all.

Yes, you have.”

“You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don't like it.

Well, I don't like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them.”

“Why on earth don't you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.”

“You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave…”

“I certainly won't leave you so long as you are in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn't.”

“will you go if I change my clothes?

Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.”

“Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd”

“He's gone to order the dog-cart for me.

Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?

He's going to send me away.”

“even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable.

Thank you.”

“your frankness does you great credit, Ernest. If you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into my diary.”

“When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy.”

“But pray, Ernest, don't stop. I delight in taking down from dictation. I have reached ‘absolute perfection’. You can go on. I am quite ready for more.”

“Oh, don't cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently. Besides, I don't know how to spell a cough.”

“The dog-cart is waiting, sir.

Tell it to come round next week, at the same hour.”

“Of course. Why, we have been engaged for the last three months.”

“of course a man who is much talked about is always very attractive”

“The next day I bought this little ring in your name, and this is the little bangle with the true lover's knot I promised you always to wear.”

“Yes, you've wonderfully good taste, Ernest. It's the excuse I've always given for your leading such a bad life.”

“My letters! But, my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters.”

“You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest. I remember only too well that I was forced to write your letters for you.”

“The three you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little”

“But why on earth did you break it of? What had I done? I had done nothing at all. Cecily, I am very much hurt indeed to hear you broke it off. Particularly when the weather was so charming.”

“It would hardly have been a really serious engagement if it hadn't been broken off at least once”

“You dear romantic boy. [He kisses her, she puts her fingers through his hair.] I hope your hair curls naturally, does it?

Yes, darling, with a little help from others.”

“I don't think I could break it off now that I have actually met you. Besides, of course, there is the question of your name.”

“You must not laugh at me, darling, but it had always been a girlish dream of mine to love some one whose name was Ernest”

“I pity any poor married woman whose husband is not called Ernest”

“But, my dear child, do you mean to say you could not love me if I had some other name?”

“But I don't like the name of Algernon”

“In fact, it is rather an aristocratic name. Half of the chaps who get into the Bankruptcy Court are called Algernon.”

“He has never written a single book, so you can imagine how much he knows.”

“I must see him at once on a most important christening – I mean on most important business.”

“that I only met you to-day for the first time, I think it is rather hard that you should leave me for so long a period as half an hour. Couldn't you make it twenty minutes?”

“What an impetuous boy he is! I like his hair so much. I must enter his proposal in my diary.”

“I don't quite like women who are interested in philanthropic work. I think it is so forward of them.”

“Cecily Cardew? What a very sweet name! Something tells me that we are going to be great friends.”

“How nice of you to like me so much”

“certainly once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes painfully effeminate, does he not?”

“Oh! not at all, Gwendolen. I am very fond of being looked at.”

“Pray do! I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid.”

“If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable”

“Quite sure. [A pause.] In fact, I am going to be his.”

“Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week. Mr. Ernest Worthing and I are engaged to be married.”

“My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error. Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me. The announcement will appear in the Morning Post”

“I am afraid you must be under some misconception. Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago. [Shows diary.]”

“[Produces diary of her own.] I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”

“If the poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once, and with a firm hand”

“Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have got into, I will never reproach him with it”

“This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners. When I see a spade I call it a spade.”

“I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade. It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.”

“Five counties! I don't think I should like that; I hate crowds.

[Sweetly.] I suppose that is why you live in town?”

“Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.”

“[With elaborate politeness.] Thank you. [Aside.] Detestable girl! But I require tea!”

“No, thank you. Sugar is not fashionable any more. [CECILY looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and puts four lumps”

“Puts down cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake”

“To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go”

“From the moment I saw you I distrusted you. I felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in such matters.”

“The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing”

“Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?”

“Algernon Moncrieff! Oh! [The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other's waists protection.]”

“I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked. But my name certainly is John. It has been John for years.”

“My poor wounded Cecily!

My sweet wronged Gwendolen!”

[ilbound]

@crosspunisher has requested a story : .. He can't fight it anymore. He's leaning against Sloan's shoulder and never plans on standing upright again.

𝑼𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅.

Like any maltreated animal ( branded , broken , beaten ; the rabid mongrel near-crushed under heel of supposed purpose still yet unfulfilled— ) , Sloan learned only one rule : stay away from others .  Upheld for y e a r s in following their escape from the Eye , the only company found tolerable ( found safe ) was THEIR OWN .  To invite anyone into their life posed UNNECESSARY RISK ; closeness was a compromise they were unwilling to abide and incapable of offering without it being fraught with the bile of apathy and threat.  And despite all that time ( rightly & purposefully ) alone , enforcing a self-imposed divide between themself and everyone else … They realize their one rule HAS BEEN BROKEN for a single man ( & one that was tasked to kill them , no less ) .

Have they grown so very d e s p e r a t e to believe companionship the only alternative to their lack of humanity , to find it the only salve to their cynical existentialism ?

Perhaps.  People … Do change , after all.  And if Sloan were a god-fearing sort , they might have considered the prospect that a higher power set Wolfwood in their path for a r e a s o n .  As if the universe felt inclined to have a laugh on the two’s behalf.  But why ?  Even Sloan is not sure ( though , maybe it is the unknowing that serves to make it interesting ; maybe it is the mystery that makes this far more special than it ought to be ) .

The weight of Wolfwood’s head falling to rest against their shoulder causes them to t e n s e , to feel momentarily disconcerted.  Sloan knows they s h o u l d respond negatively , they s h o u l d retaliate against the gesture … Yet , they don’t , they accept it ( they welcome it ) .  And come again is the p a r a s i t e burrowing in their skull , bred deep in thought and conscious to sow DOUBT & DISILLUSION .  The voice that still haunts the Anomalous has changed since the exodus , for they think – at times – it sounds less a man and more a w o m a n ( more an echo of own tone ) .  Thus She speaks : WHAT IS HE TO YOU , O’LAMB ?

Lo’ how are they to reply , when they know not the answer ?

Calling him NOTHING is the first thing that comes to mind , but that is not true , nor has it been true for several weeks ( this , a realization that terrifies them ) .

Quiet grunt of acknowledgement sounds , head tipping to pin the other with a halfhearted glare through the fringe of fallen bangs.  ❝ Dumbass , ❞ Immediate is the admonishing he is given , tone SHARP & DEMEANING , ❝ Don’t you ever listen when I talk ? ❞  Probably not.  ❝ I keep telling you not to touch me , ❞ And yet , they’re not moving away from him , not even attempting to shove him away , either.  ❝ … If you were really so eager for my attention , you could’ve just a s k e d … ❞  Thus , Sloan leans back against him , pressing back into his warmth , seeping up the hum of energy he gives off and letting it pulse through their veins , prickling their skin.  Such a STRANGE PLEASURE it gives them , like breathing in the fumes of his smoke as he speaks , or being rattled about when he shakes them by the collar for being too much of a mouthy pest ; feels a lot like soaking up a p i e c e of him , absorbing it and making it theirs to k e e p .

No , perhaps he is not NOTHING to them ; though calling him EVERYTHING seems much like an exaggeration , too.  Sloan is not sure w h a t this is – this forbidden little affair of theirs – but it does feel … ( almost ) GOOD .

[space-writes]

asjldkaj the fact that Claustrophilia was the only one you finished feels lowkey on brand :p

non spoilery reasons I liked A Deadly Education: i just loved Gal from page one tbh. Her personality really captivated me, her humour and her cynicism, and i loved watching that clash with her helping people. the 'FINE i'll help but im going to COMPLAIN THE WHOLE TIME' was a major delight factor for me. i also really just dug that it was a fantasy novel without the premise of innate good in a protaganist; there was only the good you choose to do, and that theme kept up through the whole series.

book recs are now going under a cut because i made a lot of them oops

I'd rec Misha Horne - not identical to my writing, but she writes spanking books with feelings, that usually involve two guys spending a chunk of time inside with each other having those feelings and i love it each and every time.

Snowed in With Benefits has a bratty rockstar and an older jaded musician getting uh. snowed in at a cabin together. you can imagine what ensues

and Hot Mess (which i also read this year and loved) has a floundering brat who just bought a house and has no idea how to adult and his hot neighbour whose mail he accidentally gets (a catalogue which has said neighbour in pretty underwear in it). Shenanigans (and spankings) ensue

otherwise...

For You, Sir by Emily Brandish might tick some boxes; it's about a very proper butler starting work for a mess of a screenwriter who had one hit and is now missing deadlines. it's got the D/s-y stuff I like, a little bit of a slow burn too (though not that slow, it's only a short novel).

Devilry by Marley Valentine was a really fun teacher/student romance that I very much enjoyed. A little messy craft-wise in places, but hit all my buttons on the teacher/student end of things. (college-age teacher/student, for specificity)

All's Fair In Dare And Domination by Rikki Leighton also - bratty trans MC with bipolar and so much messy trauma, and nobody gets magically fixed by being in a relationship, they just get loved. starts off as a D/s type agreement to help said MC get over being in love with his best friend who is now dating his brother, and oh no wouldn't you know it they caught feelings :p

that's all from this year; from last year i have a couple too:

Action by Quinn Anderson (@quinnandersonwrites) whomsts inbox i did go in when i'd read it to yell about how good it was. Porn star x co-worker romance, which has yours and my favourite thing: catching feelings whilst already fucking. they're fucking for Work Reasons, but it's still got that tastiness to it, and the chemistry between the leads was sooo good.

The Husband Gambit by LA Witt - fake dating to spite the homophobes basically. and one of the leads has either carpal tunnel or RSI i forget which but he wears wrist braces to recover which at the time i was still wearing a lot for my own wrist pain so this book has a special place in my heart even if just for that. It also has the Obedience delight of 'oh no way he has feelings for me this is just an arrangement' (they both absolutely have feelings)

Top Shelf by Allison Temple - slowish-burn romance between a guy whose life kinda fell apart and now he works at a small town bookstore, and the artist who lives above said bookstore. loved watching them not know each other's trauma and get on each other's nerves about it until they eventually kissed about it

TBR tag game

tagged by @memento-morri-writes, thank you! just about getting this one in before the new year starts~

here’s 9 of the books I read this year that I really enjoyed:

[ID - a 3 by 3 grid of book covers. The books are written out in the post below]

Eyetooth by mars adler (@marsadler) - the impact this had on me cannot be understated

Boy Parts by Eliza Clark - which i literally could not put down, I was walking to and from my train reading this. absolutely insane

The Scholomance series by Naomi Novik - yes that’s a sneaky three books for the price of one but they’re SO GOOD

Snowed in With Benefits by Misha Horne - listen i will never not rec Misha’s books if you like spanking and feelings. always a 10/10 time

Leech by Hiron Ennes - the worldbuilding in this was just PHENOMENAL

Claustrophlia by Erza Blake - this has to go on here because it was insane and is rooted in my brain. if you were here for the brief spate of Posting about it, you know

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca - if you’ve read this you’ll know exactly why i loved it, and if you haven’t GO DO THAT

So You Want to Be a Game Master by Justin Alexander - i’ve been reading Justin’s blog for years and his DM advice is top notch

Content Warning: Everything by Akwaeke Emezi - one of my goals this year was to read more poetry, and i think this was my favourite collection of the 12 I read

my TBR is so long it’s painful, but here’s some I’m hoping to actually get to next year:

[ID - a 3 by 3 grid of book covers. The books are written out in the post below]

Prince and Assassin by Tavia Lark

House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan

A Rival Most Vial by RK Ashwick (aka beloved @ashen-crest)

Dreadful by Caitlin Rozakis

The Demon Cycle by Peter V Brett

The Malazan Book of the Fallen by Steven Erikson

As many of Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar books as possible

true to form, it's all gay and fantasy goodness, so hopefully I'll actually manage to read the books I intend to read, instead of reading like a hundred books of Not The Things I Planned to like i did this year TT_TT

no-pressure tagging @princessbonecrimes @thegreatobsesso @viscerawrites and @winterandwords to share 9 books from this year and 9 books on your TBR (definitely not fishing for recs that would be irresponsible to the 1000 book-long TBR i already have >.>)

[neapologist873]

Hi hi. This will be less of a theory and more of important observations and comparisons between the characters of D.Gray-man and the stories it's directly inspired by and taking inspiration and ideas from--those being "The Portrait of Dorian Gray"and the Bible (specifically the New Testament).

Here is a brief rundown of Dorian Gray's plot before I get into the details:

"Basil Hallward is a renowned painter who happened to meet the young lord Dorian Gray at an event. Normally, Basil is a very particular and aloof person, finding others boring or not worth his time. But something about Dorian...the very first time he lays eyes on him he is captivated. Yet he says that, more than being interested, he could feel a budding sense of fear. He describes the young man as being exquisitely beautiful, like someone you'd only find in myths and folklore. He I afraid of painting Dorian, since paintings can hold and reveal the painter's feelings and the book describes him as worshipping Dorian. He admits to all of this to his friend Lord Henry Wotton--a cynical person who takes delight in watching people fall into depravity as a believer in a "New Age of Hedonism". Lord Henry laughs off Basil's concerns and instead insists on meeting Dorian, much to Basil's dismay. He knows that the beauty and innocence he finds inspiring will be gone if the two were to meet, yet he arranges it all the same. From there forth, a painting of Dorian is made, one that Dorian grows jealous of after Henry saying nobody will love Dorian after all his youth and innocence is gone. The painting then takes on unusual properties, growing ugly to reflect Dorian's soul as he begins to blackmail and kill while still remaining young and beautiful on the outside. The painting becomes the true nature of his soul."

Right away, it is clear that all of the Noah share similarities to Dorian. Noahs have a peculiar relationship with reflections--when Nea was still slumbering, he could only appear in reflections. The piano room in the Ark is made solely of glass and Allen first saw him in the window panes and mirror in the bathroom at the Order. Then there is this scene above. The broken glass shards show Joyd, who starts to appear a lot more after this. While Tykki is no saint, he is described as being the most human-like of the Noahs and he has a special separation between himself, the host, and his Noah soul (this was even noted by Wisely). After Allen's failed exorcism attempt, Tykki's throat was branded with stigmata scars that resemble Kanda's and Lenalee's as crystal type users. This detail will become extremely important on this blog.

And there is also the scene with Adam and Mana, right after Nea's betrayal and death. This scene plays with the reflections a lot and seems to suggest that Mana was the true nature or soul of the body, until he isn't anymore.

So clearly Nea and Mana take after Dorian the most, since they have a more clear descent into "evil". It is Mana who is like the "portrait of a sorrow", though, along with Nea and even Tykki who bare the same face. And it is Adam--the Noah inside of them who takes on the role of the Earl--who is the ugly. Just as Dorian became ugly like the portrait in the end, Adam represents this with his entire being and even with his new face after destroying Mana's that looks just like Nea's.

Moving on, I think Lord Henry can also be used to represent the Noahs themselves, not their hosts. To be more precise though, I think Joyd is clearly based on him, which makes sense as he's the Noah of Hedonism. Lord Henry is like the devil on the shoulder and is the catalyst for everything, and Joyd definitely seems to have direct ties to Nea and whatever happened on that day 30 years ago. Lord Henry acted like he was Dorian's friend even though he merely just wanted to see what would happen if he were to be corrupted. This is similar to how Cross remarked that the Noah tricked Mana by acting like family, even though they really just wanted the Earl back. He seemed to start listening to them more than Nea, though, making Nea a bit similar to Basil who was also killed by Dorian. For both Dorian and Mana, it was hard to know who was truly on their side, so it was just easier to turn on those that actually had their best wishes at heart (this is indicated around chapter 187 I think? In which the Earl starts to recall memories of Nea and Wisely remarks how Tykki looks just like him). 

Speaking of the Campbells, Allen's name comes from the character Alan Campbell in Dorian Gray, who was a scientist in the novel. It seems like the Allen of the past in DGM is someone of this profession as well, and Ven and I are convinced that he was the apprentice Bookman before Lavi, especially with his lines about the Helix of Life. Though that is a theory for another time and I or Ven will make a separate post diving into that. But the important takeaway of this is that Alan dies at his own hand due to Dorian's blackmailing of him and because of guilt he feels at helping him dispose of Basil's body. This is similar to how past Allen takes on Nea's memories, though it is uncertain what became of him. The two of us have many, many theories though, so prepare for that.

I'm thinking that Sybil, Dorian's ex-fiancee who was his first victim could also be Katerina, as she is meant to be Eve, the Earl Adam, and Mana and Nea Cain and Abel. Sybil sacrificed a lot for Dorian, and that was her demise. It was her pure love that killed her. And flashbacks seem to imply that the Earl and Katerina were in love, but something about that led to the Adam she knew disappearing, leaving behind Mana and Nea. However, I'm not too confident in saying that Katerina is the same as Sybil. But perhaps I'll dabble in this thought more in the future.

Since I want to keep this relatively short, consider this the first part of potentially many character analyses. I'll also be coming back to this post a lot when I finally collect all of my thoughts to create a separate post on my personal thoughts on Tykki and Joyd's role in the story.

[tomwambsmilk]

tell us about your daddy Tom headcanons 👀

Okay so what it boils down to for me is that I think Tom genuinely wants to be a father. I think part of it for him definitely is the checklist of like ✅ high-powered job ✅ beautiful wife ✅ beautiful kids that I think he’s mentally had since he was young. But I also think that as he’s gotten older he does genuinely want to be a dad. Matt Mac has talked about how part of Tom’s affection for Greg is rooted in a desire to be a sort of father-figure to somebody; I think Tom genuinely loves being able to lavish love and affection on people. With Shiv and with Greg it’s complicated by other factors, but kids are a less complicated bc they haven’t yet been battered into cynicism by the forces of the world (hopefully).

(Obviously within the context of succ their are other more strategic factors at play in terms of why he wants to have a baby with Shiv, but I do think he still wants to be a dad regardless.)

So because of all that I think that Tom would actually be an affectionate father. There’s been some discussion over whether a Shiv pregnancy plot line would be a good or bad thing; I see the potential pitfalls but I have faith in Jesse Armstrong handling it well if they went that route. And I would be interested in seeing Tom and Shiv have a kid in confluence with Tom becoming increasingly Logan-esque in the workplace. I don’t think it would necessarily transfer over to his home life bc I think he would be able to compartmentalize in a way Logan never did, but the contrast would be interesting. It also opens the door to the potential of his kids getting older and struggling to reconcile the loving affectionate dad they know with the morally bankrupt abusive boss they discover he is in the workplace.

Aside from that I think if he had kids in any context (tomshiv or tomgreg or any other Tom ship) he would absolutely spoil them. He would buy them all sorts of stuff all the time. He would need his partner to reign him in from actually legitimately turning them into spoiled brats by accident. He would HATE to be the ‘bad guy’ when it came to discipline. If he did have to do it (bc his partner rightfully objected to having to always be the bad guy) I think he would get very morose afterwards.

I also think he would be one of those parents who just. Legitimately believes their child is better than all other children objectively and in every way. Anything his kids are good at he’s gonna absolutely crow to other parents over. Other parents and teachers will all hate him. He’s also going to be SUPER effusive with the praise whenever his kids do even moderately well at something, and it’s not even an act! If little Ariadne brings home a B+ on her math test she’s doing absolutely amazing. If she brings home a C+ it’s probably just that the math was unusually difficult for her brilliant brain. It does have the potential to become a legitimate problem if he doesn’t have a partner who’s more grounded and can flag any actual issues that Tom would overlook.

(If Tom had a special needs kid I think he’d still be the same way. When they got diagnosed I think he’d be 😕 for all of five seconds and then he would go ‘okay but my child is still the best and smartest and most special of all the other children regardless’.)

I also think he’d definitely play with his kids and go all-in. To me he is one of those guys who tries to be all mAsCuLiNe and whatever in the workplace and then he goes home and lets his daughter use him as a pony in her Princess castle who is also the royal advisor in her surprisingly complicated make-believe games of political intrigue. If he’s having a conversation with another adult and Perseus interrupts with some nonsense about the state of centaurs in the magic kingdom Tom treats it with all the seriousness of someone telling him Waystar’s in a brand new PR crisis. One of them gives him a crown they made out of pipe cleaners and he solemnly accepts it and then genuinely forgets to take it off until he goes to bed.

As they get older I think he stays very supportive and engaged in whatever their interests are. I don’t think he would miss a recital or a game unless there was really truly an emergency he absolutely had to deal with. He’s also, unfortunately, the kind of parent that needs to be involved in whatever their kid’s hobby is. If one of his kids is into dance he’s gonna be a dance mom. If it’s theatre he’s gonna be a theatre mom. If it’s little league he’s gonna try and coach from the sidelines. Once again other parents are going to hate him. I do think it reaches the point of being embarrassing for his kids, and every time they complain he backs off for about a week and then goes back to being just as bad as before.

When they host sleepovers (which is very often) Tom needs them to be objectively the best sleepovers. He buys too much junk food, and then he does the whole ‘okay lights out’ routine while fully aware the kids are sneaking out to the living room to watch TV and he lets them so that they can have the thrill of rebellion. When they do eventually fall asleep in front of the TV he goes out and throws blankets over everybody. Then he makes pancakes in the morning and lets them go absolutely hogwild on the whipped cream and candy, and sends them home with a sugar high. Once again. The other parents WILL hate him. (This is a major theme in Tom's life as a parent.) They will keep sending their kids for sleepovers though because he hosts SO often and it's basically free babysitting.

I think in high school when his kids start dating he’s gonna get weird about it. He is gonna be the dad who’s like “no one’s good enough for my little girl” except it’ll go for all his kids regardless of gender. He has obscenely high standards for his kids and no boyfriend or girlfriend is ever going to meet them. He does resign himself to this pretty early, and he doesn’t forbid them from dating because he knows how that ends, but when SOs come over for dinner they always feel kind of like he’s subtly death glaring them. He lets his kids invite their SOs to family vacations, which the kids think is great but the SOs are always mildly afraid he’s gonna murder them. The kids think they’re just being paranoid.

He also gives good, thoughtful advice. Once they hit high school he starts making a deliberate conscious effort to be the kind of parent they feel comfortable going to about tricky or uncomfortable things. He’s not always good at not immediately reacting emotionally if they tell him something upsetting or they’ve gotten into some kind of trouble, but he makes a real effort to be non-judgmental and open, and to take the approach of ‘okay, so that was a bad decision but now I’m gonna help you fix it’, so his kids do feel comfortable going to him, and they know to just wait out the initial emotional reaction until he gets a hold of himself (which he gets better at doing more quickly over time).

Also I think he’s AMAZING at dealing with breakups. When his kids dump or get dumped it’s all-out, ice cream on the couch, a weekend of whatever breakup movies are most gonna help them. He does immediately jump to the ‘I always though you were too good for them anyways’ which is sometimes kind of annoying, but it is well-intentioned so they let it slide.

I think he’s going to try to be super in-contact with his kids as adults. The whole ‘saw a snail today, effervescent’ meme will be him but with his kids. They don’t always answer his texts because he texts them literally all the time, but they will try to do an emoji react or something bc if he thinks they’re ignoring him he will just start texting more. He sends them memes he thinks are funny, or that they’ll find funny. They generally are not funny to them bc they’re very much Gen X memes, but they laugh react anyways. They go home to visit pretty regularly and Tom always makes a production of it, like they haven’t seen each other in AGES, even though actually they saw each other 6 weeks ago at their cousin’s wedding wedding and then 4 weeks before for somebody’s birthday, and also they’re coming back to visit again 3 weeks just because they’re gonna be in town for work reasons.

And finally - he’s gonna cry when they go to college. He’s also going to cry when they graduate. And he’s going to cry at their weddings. And he’s going to cry when they get their first job and on their eighteenth birthdays and if they move out of the state and just. At literally any life event that reminds him that they’re getting older and leaving the nest. Not full on weeping, but definitely the kind of almost-crying we saw during his wedding toast. They all know to just pretend they don’t see it because he gets weird and defensive if you draw any attention to it.

[eijispumpkin]

On Allegory, Imperfection, and Inadvertent Subversion: A small essay about Akimi Yoshida’s Banana Fish and Salinger’s “A Perfect Day For Bananafish”.

In the story of Banana Fish, Yoshida references Salinger’s short story “A Perfect Day For Bananafish” (which henceforth shall be addressed as “Perfect Day” simply for ease of reading) several different ways, both in-universe and out. It is exceedingly evident that the character of Ash Lynx is heavily based on Seymour Glass, and one might surmise that Banana Fish is an allegorical retelling of “Perfect Day”, especially given that in the original story, Ash Lynx dies of what is arguably a “passive suicide” – that is, when faced with an injury that isn’t immediately fatal, he chooses to bleed out rather than seek help, which when framed as a suicide, parallels the much more violent and sudden suicide of Seymour Glass.

However, this surface-level allegorical reading ignores a very important variable in the story of Banana Fish, namely the counterpart to Ash’s Seymour: Eiji’s Sybil. While Ash and Seymour share many similarities (both are traumatized, troubled geniuses with partly-Irish roots who grew up in New York City), the similarities between Eiji and Sybil are very few. Eiji does symbolize a world of innocence to contrast with Ash’s world of horrors, but unlike Sybil, Eiji is an adult with agency of his own, and though he retains some of Sybil’s childlike innocence and is able to connect deeply with Ash as a result of it, Eiji’s agency and decisions ultimately change the narrative and its meaning.

That is to say, by introducing Eiji as an imperfect Sybil, one who has agency and can actually provide Ash with understanding and support of the kind that Seymour never got from Muriel or others around him (and which Sybil, being three years old, was in no way equipped to provide), Banana Fish directly subverts “Perfect Day”’s original message of cynicism in the face of a material world unconcerned with the horror of lost innocence and its resulting isolation.

To understand what this means, it’s important to first understand the meaning and context of “Perfect Day” and the circumstances in which it was written. “Perfect Day” is a story written first and foremost as a critique of American materialism in the wake of WWII; Salinger echoes the concerns of the Lost Generation before him, in a way, by really driving home the alienation from modern adult life felt by those who were exposed to the horrors and traumas of the battlefields in wartorn Europe, only to return home and find a culture completely removed from it all. Seymour Glass is a stand-in for Salinger himself—Kenneth Slawenski, in his 2010 biography of Salinger, notes that on returning from the European theater, Salinger “found it impossible to fit into a society that ignored the truth that he now knew.”

If that sounds familiar, good, because it should! This is precisely the motif of “Perfect Day” (as well as some of Salinger’s other work featuring members of the Glass family, such as Seymour’s younger brother Buddy, which, as an aside, is a name that might stick out to Banana Fish fans. Whether this is an intentional reference or a coincidence, I can’t say for certain, but given the depth of other references within this allegory, I’m inclined to think it’s intentional).

As a quick summary for those who may need a refresher, “Perfect Day” is a story about a deeply traumatized man who feels isolated from the rest of society because of the weight of the horrors he has been exposed to. Muriel Glass, Seymour’s wife, is the epitome of this: she represents the materialistic culture that Seymour feels so alienated from, always talking about brand-name things and luxuries and upward mobility. Seymour rejects her company in favor of playing the piano for children and spending time on the beach, where he tells three-year-old Sybil Carpenter a story about bananafish, fish that gorge themselves on bananas in holes under the sea until they’re too fat to escape the entrances to these little banana dens, and then they die. Instead of dismissing this story as something bizarre, Sybil claims she sees a bananafish in the water, which endears her to Seymour, until she leaves, at which point he returns to his hotel room and shoots himself in the head.

In “Perfect Day”, this interaction (between Sybil and Seymour) is the center of a set of dualities. Sybil represents the state of childlike innocence that Seymour longs to return to, and because of her innocence, she can “understand” him in ways that the material adults like her mother or Muriel do not. Seymour’s isolation is a product of his society and the lack of support and understanding for traumatized veterans returning from war, and it shows in the way that adults his age cannot connect with him, and he cannot connect with them. This disconnect between worlds is what eventually results in Seymour’s suicide—he can fit neither in the world in which he wishes to be, nor in the one in which he must reside, and it ends in his death.

The question is, then, how does this relate to Banana Fish?

As mentioned previously, Ash Lynx is a very clear parallel to Seymour Glass. He’s a young man faced with immeasurable trauma from which he believes he can never recover, and there is a clear motif of duality in his entire character arc: his world (one of violence and trauma) versus the ���normal” world (where innocent people who have “regular” lives may reside). Like Seymour, Ash feels trapped in a world he can’t escape, knowing “the truth” that he knows, about the horrors that people are capable of.

It follows, then, that Eiji Okumura is a parallel to Sybil Carpenter, who represents childlike innocence and a world that Ash longs to be part of but can’t reach. And to an extent, this is true: Eiji is sheltered and innocent, comparing real-life to TV shows and being completely unexposed to kidnappings, drugs, guns, and violence. However, there is a sharp contrast between Eiji and Sybil, one that fundamentally changes the relationship between Eiji and Ash and makes it radically different from that between Sybil and Seymour:

Eiji is an adult, and as such, he has agency of his own.

Unlike Sybil with Seymour, Eiji can make his own choices and face Ash as an equal. Where Sybil is a child who runs back to her mother after playing with Seymour at the beach, Eiji actively and consistently chooses to stay with Ash, over and over. He even explicitly tells Ash “you are not alone”, which is a huge and direct contrast to the message of inevitable, devastating isolation from “Perfect Day”. Whereas Sybil’s innocence serves as a reminder to Seymour of what he’s lost and cannot regain, Eiji’s innocence is a beacon of comfort and companionship to Ash. Eiji is someone with whom Ash can relax and be playful like a boy his own age, as noted by Max and Ibe watching them interact.

This communication and connection are present between Sybil and Seymour, but in a very different way. Seymour prefers to play make-believe and tell silly stories to kids, because he went from being a wide-eyed innocent to being traumatized and longing for a place to belong, and Sybil as a child represents what he wishes he had, while the adults around him (most notably Muriel, his wife) are a world he doesn’t understand that feels false.

This is not the dichotomy of worlds that Ash faces. Ash faces a world of trauma and suffering that he sees himself as trapped in, and a world of peace and security that he thinks is beyond his reach. Where Seymour yearns for a return to innocence, Ash yearns to escape his pain, and the combination of this subtle difference with the effect of Eiji’s agency and the narrative structure of Banana Fish results in a subversion of the themes in “Perfect Day”.

Banana Fish is a long-form narrative, while “Perfect Day” is a short story. Part of the inherent structure of a long-form narrative is character growth and development, which for obvious reasons is much less prominent in short stories. As a result, Eiji’s impact on Ash is clearly visible over the course of the narrative, and it becomes impossible to declare that Ash is firmly rooted in the world he sees himself as trapped in. By the end of the story, even Ash wavers on this assertion; although he ultimately succumbs to suicide, a narrative choice that been criticized ever since its publication, in the moments leading up to his stabbing, he does believe that Eiji is right, or at least right enough that he wants to see him one last time (this is ambiguous and open to interpretation, of course).

Why did this narrative choice spark so much controversy and outcry from fans? Not every story that ends in tragedy is criticized as poorly written for it; examples range from Shakespearean tragedies to “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”, a film in which the entire cast dies in the climax. Yet just about all fans agree that it fit the narrative. Clearly, then, it is possible to craft a story that ends in death and tragedy but still feels well-written. What makes Banana Fish different?

I would argue that the answer lies in this imperfect allegory. By creating a Sybil-esque character that can interact with the Seymour-esque character as equals, can stay with him, and can listen to him and support him through his grief and pain, Akimi Yoshida inadvertently turned “Perfect Day”’s message on its head. The tragedy of “Perfect Day” is Seymour’s isolation. By giving Ash a warm, compassionate relationship in which he is assured over and over that he is not alone, Yoshida upturns this entirely.

Ash is led to believe in this dichotomy mostly by his isolation. He believes that since Eiji is in mortal danger as a result of being special to him, he needs to send Eiji to safety, i.e. somewhere far from him and far from the reach of those who would hurt them both. This isn’t a miscommunication issue or anything of the sort; this is Ash being afraid for Eiji’s life; Eiji isn’t averse to returning to Japan itself. Eiji is averse to returning to Japan without Ash, as he mentions when he talks about how Ash could be a model, and tells him about kami. In establishing this as a consistent tenet of Eiji’s character, Yoshida ensures that Ash is not isolated in the same way that Seymour was.

In addition, Eiji can move freely between both worlds set up in Ash’s perceived dichotomy, a motif made explicitly clear when Eiji leaps the wall to freedom and light at the beginning, leaving Ash (and Skipper) behind in captivity in the dark. Despite this escape from the world of violence and crime, Eiji returns of his own volition and stays with Ash, experiences his own fair share of horrific traumas, and still leaves in the end to return to his world. This makes it clear that the dichotomy is less stark than Ash is led to believe, unlike the repeated validation of his isolation that Seymour receives, and is another reason that the ending of “Perfect Day” is inconsistent with the ending of Banana Fish

A quick sidebar: Banana Fish has no real Muriel, but if pressed, I would posit that the closest parallel to Muriel that exists is Blanca, whose main purpose in the narrative seems to be to reinforce to Ash that he can’t escape the world he feels trapped in and longs to leave. But where in “Perfect Day” Muriel symbolized the materialism of American society after WWII, Blanca has no real established reason to be so invested in keeping Ash down, and in conjunction with the fact that despite his own traumas, he can retire peacefully to the Caribbean, his role in the story falls to pieces entirely. Where Muriel represented a lifestyle that Seymour fundamentally could not reach, thereby reinforcing his isolation, Blanca is supposed to parallel Ash to a degree, but his words to Ash do not match his actions whatsoever.

Therefore, if anything, Blanca’s assertions serve only to strike a contrast with Eiji’s (and Max’s, to an extent, since Max and Eiji both agree that Ash can escape this and they want him to heal). Moreover, Blanca’s relationship with Ash is that of a mentor and a student, a relationship that is shown to be fundamentally unhealthy, given that Blanca willingly worked for Ash’s abuser, a mafia don who he knew trafficked children. Some argue that Blanca was blackmailed into this service, but given that Blanca chose to betray Golzine at the end and work with Ash with seemingly no real provocation or change in his relationship with Golzine, this supposition seems flawed. Blanca’s assertions about Ash and his ability to forge bonds and leave his world the way Eiji does, and indeed the way Blanca himself does, are simply incorrect, and the narrative itself provides us all the tools we need to realize that Blanca is wrong, even without the extended context of a parallel to Muriel Glass.

Returning to the main issue at hand, i.e. that of the imperfect allegorical connections between Sybil and Eiji, and the dichotomy between worlds that Ash perceives, it’s clear that in creating a positive, nurturing relationship between Ash and Eiji rather than a one-off encounter, Yoshida inadvertently created a story about connections rather than isolation. Ash’s attempts to keep Eiji safe from harm by sending him home are countered by Eiji’s assertion that he only wants to go to Japan if Ash comes with him, which is a kind of selfless devotion that reaches through Ash’s isolation until he decides that he won’t try and separate himself from Eiji anymore, which is a massive blow to the dichotomy of his supposed two worlds. This is the narrative acknowledging that both worlds can coexist.

Not only this, but also Eiji, who has his own trauma—he’s kidnapped several times, shot at, drugged, sexually assaulted, attacked with a knife by a drugged friend, exposed to several deaths, shot at people in fights himself, and ultimately nearly killed by a gunshot wound—despite all of this, Eiji is still allowed to exist in the world of peace and regularity. Eiji’s innocence is sharply tempered by traumatic experiences, and he can still walk between worlds. If Eiji, Max, Ibe, Jessica, Sing, Cain, and Blanca can all experience traumas, why is Ash the only one who cannot escape? Is there some kind of magical bar of “too much” trauma, like an event horizon on a black hole?

Obviously, no.

So it comes to this: Essentially, the reason that the ending is so controversial, and why I personally believe that the open ending of the anime is an improvement to the original story, is that the allegory between Banana Fish and “Perfect Day” falls apart because of Eiji’s agency. Ash wants to protect Eiji, and to protect Eiji’s innocence and light, because he feels that it’s beyond his own reach, but Eiji forges a bond with him that is rooted in mutual respect and care, and in doing so, undoes the devastating, painful isolation that led to Seymour’s suicide. This is why Ash’s death can feel so hollow—it doesn’t follow the pattern of “Perfect Day”; after the entire story is about Ash’s bonds and those who love him unconditionally, it feels almost like a shock-value plot twist tacked on, rather than a tragic inevitability.

I don’t believe that Yoshida intended Banana Fish to be a subversion of “Perfect Day”. I believe she meant it as a one-to-one allegory, and this is why she kept the ending as Ash choosing death. However, due to the changes in themes because of the characters and their relationships, Ash is not isolated in the profound way Seymour was, and his death is therefore not nearly as impactful.

[jostenneil]

you watched pattinson's batman? how was it👀👀?

detailed thoughts on the film below. i don't think any of this is spoilery except for one thing i say in the riddler bullet point but even then i don't think it will ruin anything for you

i actually liked the first half of it. the sleuthing aspect was fun and in general i like the way they set up that bruce goes about his work as batman. the cave, the way he works through film, the tech, the stuff with the cyphers. it was neat and i liked the aesthetic of it all

the penguin was the most enjoyable character of the entire film for me. which is deeply depressing considering he’s the penguin and like who the hell is going to give a shit about him when everyone else is there. but colin farrell is an actor and he delivered and i found his mannerisms to be incredibly memorable

speaking of acting. robert is an incredible actor! this is undeniable. he does the awkward boy who broods and silently yearns act very well. but that’s what it is. boyish. it feels like i’m watching a character who’s a petulant, self absorbed teenager rather than an adult who made a conscious decision to protect people and go out of his way to save even the most trivial life. i feel like the way his character was portrayed would work for one of those stories about teenage bruce learning how to fight and how to control his emotions but i don’t think it really works for a newly minted batman who’s aware of the circumstances he’s working with and who understands that his work as bruce wayne is as impt as his work as the batman. it's a weird clash of perspectives bc obv bruce in his first year or so of being batman is somewhat awkward and still feeling his way around things. but what i love about year one bruce is that being new to it means he's careful. it means he holds back. he's not just going to pound town and siccing himself on every criminal within vicinity. and that's what the movie makes difficult bc it tries to pair the awkwardness with the aggression and. i don't think it works? bruce just feels like a glob of a character whose arc is fraying in several different directions. and it's sad bc, as i said, robert's a great actor. he absolutely could have pulled it off had the script been more concerned with appreciating bruce as a character rather than trying to deconstruct him. but alas

selina is an oc. they do pull from the long halloween with carmine falcone being her father, but past the mere fact of that everything about her in the film is completely original material. and again, similarly to bruce, the film doesn't really know which direction to take with her. it doesn't know whether to make her a cynical vigilante or a hero for the people. she's just kind of. . . there. she's not even catwoman, really. she's a girl in a suit and she breaks into a safe to help save her friend. but there's nothing about what drove her to become catwoman or what makes the catwoman identity special bc her personhood doesn't really matter. her personhood has never mattered in the loeb stories. she's just an extension of other people and has no real background to call her own except for the men in the story that it connects her to, and that translates into the movie here as well. zoe is also unfortunately an average actor at best. by the fifth time she said honey i was starting to roll my eyes and it was definitely robert carrying their scenes together despite the fact that all he was doing was staring (very powerful stare)

remember how i said the script for this movie was written by that guy who wrote a story where leslie was a black therapist who threatened to call the cops on bruce if he didn't go to therapy? take that brand of white liberalism and then apply it to an entire three hour movie. this is something else i forgot to mention with selina but she more or less existed to do nothing but lecture bruce about his negligence of ordinary people. there's a scene where she's talking about her friend, a prostitute who's died, and bruce is so dismissive of her concerns in a way that's absolutely baffling bc, yes, bruce will obv condone criminals who harm others, but what would he realistically have against prostitutes? in selina's first solo volume it's him who's trying to convince her that he'll try to find a way to stick up for holly after a cop beats her up and it's selina saying that no one's going to take a whore's word for it. i think the thing a lot of modern writers seem to forget in trying to build this dynamic between bruce and selina where she lectures him for his privilege is that he literally used to be the guy who believed she had some good in her while everyone else wrote her off. he was the guy showing concern and empathy for her where no one else was. and it's like. as a bc shipper would you not want to see that adapted. like what is interesting or fun about a relationship where one person just lectures at the other about privilege why would you not want to see the version of bruce that believes in selina from day one bc he cares. idgi. but back to the point, that's where the movie's white liberalism more or less centers itself. there's another black woman in the movie who's similarly tokenized so that's fun too lol

the thing with thomas and martha. . . lmao. in general the movie's a holistic example of why it's better to sometimes accept the state of things bc that's simply how a genre works rather than attempt to "deconstruct" it. do we need to have a super deep reason for bruce becoming the batman beyond him going through a traumatic experience and never wanting anyone else to relive it? i don't think so. this is cape comics and everyone dresses up to play hero. roll with it. do we need to question the inspiration bruce takes from his father in terms of preservation of life or a commitment to do good? i don't think so. the movie doesn't go all the way there with questioning the waynes and merely presents it as a "mistake" thomas once made, but it's still just. . . so unnecessary to me like what is so wrong about bruce loving his dad and taking inspo from him. why does there need to be something inherently flawed in thomas so that bruce can prove that he's better. what's the narrative worth in it

ok after so many negatives i do have another positive. i actually did like gordon as a character and his dynamic with bruce a lot. their banter was very fun and the commentary on how cops can abuse their power was probably the least in your face thing of the entire movie and actually felt quite natural. obv it can't be perfect and allow the conclusion about police abolition to be reached, but it's like. decent for a take on gordon and i gelled with it

alfred is complicated bc i actually really liked his actor and i thought him helping bruce with the puzzles was very cute and fun, but the movie tries to hammer in this arc all of a sudden out of nowhere about how bruce takes alfred for granted and doesn't realize it until alfred nearly gets blown up. like ok. ig. maybe it would hit harder if alfred's total screen time wasn't under idk five minutes. ironically it felt very true to the comics in that. using the butler for a really heavily emotional moment on one page and then forgetting he exists for the next twenty. standard fare batman existence

i like the cinematography! i'm not a film expert so i don't have the words to talk about any of it and admittedly it was still pretty annoyingly dark (like physically, i mean. obv thematically it was too but here i mean physically) even if it was an improvement from just How dark some cbm's can be but i liked the shots for the most part yknow like it made for a cool action movie. it was about a bunch of ocs but it was fun to watch in terms of a visual

OH i forgot another part of the liberalism thing was the riddler. can you believe that. the riddler. i was going through this movie wondering why the fack the riddler would care about scrubbing gotham clean of its elite, corrupt scum and in the end it was bc he was like. an orphan or something and thought none of the rich understood how miserable that experience was growing up. like damn could you not just make the guy a psycho obsessed with clues. did he need to have a tragic backstory (granted idk shit about the riddler so idk maybe i am wrong here and he is in fact that tragic in the comics. who knows. it was still confusing for me tho and i think it ended up just diluting what made the long halloween murders so special bc gilda was the one behind them)

ok i know i just posted but i’m already adding something lmao. to add onto the previous bullet, i think the thing that doesn’t work about the movie’s white liberal message is the fact that it tries to adapt a comic arc where the writer is literally not thinking of class consciousness in any capacity. like jeph loeb and tim sale were just coming up with a fun murder mystery they didn’t give a single damn that the people dying were elite and that no one was paying attention to the suffering poor people. even selina in the story is concerned with finding potential security (both financially and emotionally) in the falcone family rather than scorning them. this just was not the story to adapt if they wanted to make a critique about class consciousness 

trying to think of another positive and i just rememberd JAY LYCURGO is in it. for some reason. he's right at the beginning in this small scene like he doesn't really matter for the whole of the movie or anything but goodness he makes such a good broken puppy dog face. not suited to tim as a character at all (he doesn't play tim in this movie he's just some rando) but god bless his heart he knows how to look positively adorable

ok last thing but yknow that sneak peek clip with like the funeral hall and bruce diving to save the boy when the car slams inside. there's a subtle attempt made to try to parallel bruce to the boy bc he's also a recent orphan but they have him and bruce share looks like twice and then after bruce dives to save him the boy is never to be seen again. that actually made me sad bc i think it would have been a good thread to follow through to the end and to help remind bruce of why he was doing this whole thing yknow but lol. if they weren't going to do that they should have saved it for a movie where they were going to introduce dick

the villain they foreshadow at the end. eye roll

[inkykeiji]

dabi loves how needy you are—lives for it, truly. seeing your tiny hands grasp for him, your lower lip jutted out in the cutest pout, your little foot stomping is his favorite thing in this cursed world, and there are times he’ll tease you just so he can see how far you’ll go for an ounce of affection. “‘s matter, doll? can’t go two seconds without being glued to my side? you need me that badly?” with a lazy smirk on his face, his scarred hand reaching out for you and pulling you onto his lap, resting his chin right on your shoulder and listening to you babble on about your day

dabi will never admit he’s just as needy for you, but his actions tell you everything you need to know. from the second that you two wake up together, his hands are on your body and it’s a damn near impossible task to get him to finally crawl out of bed. “you have things to do, dabi” “i can do you instead” “ok, yes, but after you do the other things” and if he does finally get out of bed, he’s picking you right up and letting you cling onto him as he brews up the first pot of coffee for the day. the second he returns home from some lov stuff, he’s wrapping his body around yours and burying his face in your hair, finding a sense of stability in your scent that he’s been searching his entire life for

neither of you are sure how you’ve managed to stumble into each other’s lives. call it fate, call it destiny, maybe even soulmates. dabi doesn’t really care, though. as long as he gets to keep seeing you look up at him with puppydog eyes, little hands grasping for him, your voice whining out “daaabi, i missed you” after a day of dealing with some shitty people, he’s a happy man. feeling needed—wanted, even—isn’t something he’s used to, and yet you manage to make him feel like the most important person in the goddamn world. you’ve managed to work your hands past all of the barriers he’s put up and touch his scarred heart so gently, he has no other choice than to allow you to hold it

all because you did the one thing no one else has ever done before: you wanted him—not his quirk, not his knowledge, not his connections. just him. you don’t even know the guy’s first name and yet you love him so wholly and unabashedly, he’d cry out of sheer joy if he could. he might even tell you his first name. hell, he might tell you his family name. he might just crack himself open and allow you see every single scar, every single trauma, every single fear, every single little thing that makes him who he is. but for now, he’ll settle for listening to your breath even out as you fall asleep in his arms. it’s his favorite sound, after all

cynic i am still reeling from this. i don’t think i’ll ever ever ever get over this, i love it more than words could ever tell you. i’ve read it over ten times since you sent it and it still makes me tear up when i read it hahaha aaaaaah Crybaby Clari™ but no cyn you truly captured Dari™ so accurately it’s SCARY n i love it so very much 🥺🥺

tw: clari getting extremely sappy and just endless squealing under the cut <3

cynic honestly, this is so so so precious and special to me and i will cherish it forever. let me be sappy for a moment; the fact that you knew i was having an awful time lately and took the time out of your day to send me such a compassionate and thoughtful message means more to me than words could ever adequately tell you. seriously. i appreciate it so much, from the very bottom of my heart, you are such a lovely and wonderful person and i am very lucky to have you in my life <3 please know that i do not take that for granted, ever.

i love every single thing about this i don’t even know where to START hahaha <3 first of all, the little hands n little feet????? YES. so fuckin cute i’m literally SQUEALING hehehe and i love that you included the foot stomping LMAO ugh literally need his attention on me aaaaaaall the time

the “you have things to do, dabi” “i can do you instead” HAD ME SCREAMING HAHAHA I LOVE IT it’s so him too!!!!! just like so so so on brand!! and u know i am entirely head over heels in love with the idea of dabi being extremely secretly needy <333 one of my favourite concepts ever. and ‘finding a sense of stability in your scent that he’s been searching his entire life for’????? i am literally so fucking in love with this line oh my god it’s so beautiful <3

OKAY HAHAHA THIS PARAGRAPH THIS PARAGRAPH I CAN’T EVEN COMMENT ON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT LITERALLY MAKES ME BAWL IN THE BEST WAY ahahaha i can’t even form a coherent thought other than it is so sweet, so LOVING and precious and beautiful and aaaah i love it so much cyn it’s SO well written <33

what an amazing way to end such an incredible little piece!!!! this???:

he might just crack himself open and allow you see every single scar, every single trauma, every single fear, every single little thing that makes him who he is. but for now, he’ll settle for listening to your breath even out as you fall asleep in his arms. it’s his favorite sound, after all

YEAH THAT. CYNIC I AM STILL AT A LOSS FOR WORDS PLEASE THIS WHOLE THING IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING BUT WHAT A WAY TO END IT SERIOUSLY ugh god i’m sorry my feedback’s all over the place i am literally typing this through sobs (pathetic ik) and i am still at a loss for words. honestly cynic it’s so so so special and just an absolutely gorgeous little piece and i will treasure it forever <333 thank you so much, i love you <3