#he doesn't mean it

[dragon-ascent]

I can’t help but imagine a comical scenario of Reader quickly sneaking back home through the front door after sneaking out in the middle of the night, putting all their bags down and locking the door all while making as little sound as possible… only to be immediately surprised when they turn around and see their husband Zhongli (possibly in dragon form even) looking at them with a cranky stare (he’s probably so cranky because he woke up in the middle of the night only to find his beloved missing from bed!). Reader immediately scrambles to try and make up a lie about what they were doing so late at night but Zhongli keeps silently glaring at them, their defences begin to get increasingly weaker and weaker until, under Zhongli’s harsh stare and nothing else, Reader breaks and confesses that they snuck out to go on a shopping spree, “I know you said I should save my money but I couldn’t help myself!! There were just so many wonderful trinkets in the market, I couldn’t just leave them behind!”, and Zhongli just stands there both relieved they didn’t get into any real trouble but also shocked because he didn’t have to say a single word and they just confessed to everything! Is he truly that intimidating when silent..? Of course he tells them that it’s okay as long as they’re not hurt, but they should still be careful less they run themselves right into bankruptcy! Maybe next time they want to go out shopping they should invite him so this doesn’t happen again… This got a lot longer then I thought it would my bad-

Aaaaa how adorable!! And also ironic too, considering Zhongli also has a habit of buying all sorts of things - during his reign as Rex Lapis he'd gone around buying up all those soldiers' time-dials for instance. A part of him might find it endearing that you're also similar to him in this regard, so he wouldn't be too mad hehe~ and yup, next time he'll accompany you for sure, his wallet at the ready so he himself can purchase the things you like.

(maybe in the mirror he'd practice some less intimidating stares in his dragon form? roleplaying with himself to see what works and all)

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

Mind: You know, at first, I really didn’t like you.

Heart: …I thought there was going to be another half to that sentence?

Mind: Nope!

[missdcalls]

"i hope you know that you are incredibly infuriating, and one of the brattiest person i've ever met." // @nyctcphiliacs

[clinging-to-a-dream]

Maybe if you go to therapy, people will leave you alone about Snow

Maybe shut the fuck up, yea mate? I'm fine.

[benevolentgodloki]

I wish I had a big brother like yours

"You can keep him."

[fallen-first-man]

Lilith is a mf bitch and I laugh at the fact she abandoned Lucifer the same as she abandoned me

[brainrotcharacters]

TW: Wolverine Badonkas

I laughed rewatching because like

[mooneggtarts]

Mike will tellthe kid once he's a little older, or once Mike has the mental capacity to explain it

[farshootergotme]

Occasionally I picture Nightwing calling Red Hood "little wing" in front of others and people looking between this huge, 6'0 feet tall man with growing white hair, and then Nightwing, a shorter man who has flawless skin, probably around his 20's, and a fit but not too buff build and they just- don't know what's happening. Is it some kind of inside joke they aren't aware of? Why is Nightwing acting as if he's years older than Red-fucking jacked-Hood?

Nightwing: Little wing, you actually were decent in that fight! I'm impressed.

Hero, who was helping during this fight as well, listening in to the conversation: little...?

Red Hood: Wow, feeling very appreciated right now. Got any other backhanded compliments in there?

Hero: Wait, excuse me-

Nightwing: As a matter of fact-

Red Hood: Nope! I'm outta here. Screw you!

Nightwing: You know you love me!

Red Hood: In your dreams, dickhead!

Nightwing: Hey! We don't use that-

Red Hood: Not listening!

Nightwing: Jeez, kids these days...

Red Hood: I'm an adult and fuck you too!

Nightwing: What? Thought you weren't-

Red Hood: See you never, I'm out.

Hero: ...

Hero: what the actual fuck?

[srfiv]

there's one lie on his profile and it's the age. based on this post

[glassesweirdo]

I like that despite being a child abuser, child exploiter, and an emotionally absent father, Reginald draws the line at transphobia.

[bbbbbbbbatman]

timkon clone baby au where when bruce comes back he's furious to learn that tim made a baby bc what the fuck, tim? that's so irresponsible- and then he lays eyes on the baby and immediately falls in love and suddenly his lecturing is much less effective when he's bouncing a baby on his knees and pausing every 30 seconds to coo at it

[fanaticalthings]

Most children, once they've grown up and moved out, sometimes come back to visit their parents to use their house as a sort of personal grocery store

And with Bruce being a literal billionaire whose house is always stocked with food and supplies, the batkids (that aren't living in the manor) definitely visit just for the purpose of taking shit for themselves.

---

For Dick, it's just small things, food and maybe some utensils. Bruce is barely in the kitchen so he never notices dishes go missing, and there are like 10 other children in his house so literally any one of the younger kids could've stolen food in the middle of the night, so he doesn't bat an eye at all.

Babs probably steals Bruce's hardware or his tools from the batcave. Sometimes, if she's nice, she'll leave a note.

Steph probably takes shit that no one will notice at the time but will absolutely be annoyed about when they need said thing. Stapler, soap bars, the microwave plate, etc...(Taking after Jason, she steals the hub caps off the batmobile's tires)

However, for Jason, once his relationship with Bruce is somewhat decent, of course he's gonna be petty and start stealing the more expensive shit in the manor for his apartment. Jason's microwave is broken? The next day, the cave's self-made and enhanced microwave made by Bruce for convenience is just gone.

Jason's feeling a coffee maker for his place? The one in Bruce's study disappears, too.

---

At first, Bruce thinks he's just sleep deprived, but then much bigger things start to go missing, like the whole TV and couch set in the living room. He assumes the younger kids are just playing pranks on him (sounds like something Stephanie would do) but then Bruce notices that the thief deliberately avoids stealing things from the kitchen, which is where Alfred is most of the time, and suddenly Bruce has an irritated clue on who the culprit is.

At first, he doesn't say anything, until one day he comes back, tired from a patrol, and is about to log in all the info on the computer only to realize his batchair is gone. That's when he texts Jason a blunt "If you really need things for your place, you can just ask me. I'll buy them for you." (As if Jason himself isn't loaded from his totally legal activities)

---

So now Jason's pettiness levels increase tenfold, and oh, wouldn't you look at it, his bike needs some new tires, and he knows a great place to get some more.

One night, Bruce is just blearily getting up for a late night snack, only to see Damian scamper away with a...lamp? So Bruce immediately follows him into the foyer only to see ALL of his kids (sans the ones not living in the manor), trying to haul two arm chairs out the window, and they just stop dead silent to stare at him until someone whispers a nervous "Crap"

Bruce doesn't even have any energy to fight, he just pinches his nose and is all "What is the meaning of this" in his tired dad voice. And Duke meekly responds with "we wanted more chairs at Jason's place"

And suddenly it all makes sense. Not once did Bruce wonder how the HELL Jason managed to lug a whole 60in TV and a full couch set on his own in one night. Of course, he had accomplices. Bruce just turns right around and goes right the hell back to his room to sleep. He'll deal with this in the morning.

[clinging-to-a-dream]

Noooo you can transition, didn't it make you happy?

"It's fucking gross. Why would I transition. Just a bunch of people making me feel like that's what I should want. Hell no."

[wolfythewitch]

My thoughts on the champion!Patroclus au are so disorganized I have not slept, but know that the main reason for its existence is that fictional men are infinitely more attractive when sweaty and covered in blood

[technically-human]

St. Hilarion's ghost story