#he doesn’t really have any motivation other than someone i aspire to be has to succeed

[tsururoach]

Hi guys. so about the idol cadets.

[halogenwarrior]

All of the Animorphs main characters’ stories are very influenced by the dissonance between how they are perceived by the others from their perspectives, and the resulting roles they are fit into vs. their actual complexity, and I think it’s worth talking about Rachel from that perspective for a bit. The read the others tend to have on her character is that she’s ambitious; this incredibly confident, driven person who is dissatisfied with a normal life and just waiting for something better, which the war gives her. Cassie explicitly narrates as much in Megamorphs #4, while Jake says in #22 that she’s found her purpose in the war and he doesn’t know what she would do with a normal life anymore. Though I can’t remember the exact passages, I think the others think similar things of her. But when you actually look into Rachel’s character, you find that what they are misinterpreting as ambition/dissatisfaction with normal life/a desire to change the world and be a hero is actually two separate traits that, when put together in the same person, look a lot like that but aren’t.

First is that she fundamentally is a compassionate, morally dutiful person who feels she has an obligation to sacrifice and avoid the easy route to be good to other people. She doesn’t seek out situations where she will be responsible for many people’s well-being, but once she is there she goes all-in on it. When you compare situations in the book where one of the main characters has made an effort to be kind and do the right thing on a personal level rather than a “well if we save everyone on Earth from being enslaved that helps people by definition” level, she’s really only behind Cassie on this – feeling guilty about letting down Melissa as a friend and then risking her life on a mission to go out of the way to comfort her about her parents in #2, or in #1 when she says she cares about Tobias when he thinks nobody cares about him, even though they barely know each other. 

In comparison, the most Jake has is a vague idea that his goal in life should be to live an average life and “not be a jerk” without any real self-examination of how to do that, Marco is often rude on an interpersonal level and doesn’t seem to care much about being a good friend or giving kindness to someone who needs it, Tobias is more of a loner who is very morally passionate about the greater cause but doesn’t extend it to really being there for other people (this isn’t because he is inherently cruel so much as, when we first are introduced to him, he is barely getting by in life and doesn’t have the energy to try to be a kind, beneficent person on top of that, it’s only the revelation of a greater cause that gives him the motivation to care about something), and Ax, the only one who was in an official military, initially largely outsources his sense of duty to that system and its ethics and doesn’t make much of an effort to be a good person outside of that. 

I get the sense that Cassie and Rachel mutually recognize this quality in each other, and this is the reason for their friendship despite the narrative emphasizing how different they are and how weird it is that they are friends. As mentioned above, Cassie does interpret her as ambitious and “waiting for something else in life”, but she still sees that ambition as being prompted by a kindness and unshakeable desire to do good, as someone who doesn’t fall into the “mean popular kid stereotype” despite her looks and confidence. Meanwhile Rachel, when we see her thoughts about Cassie, similarly appreciates Cassie’s interpersonal kindness and steely resolve to enact it. Each recognizes, despite their many differences, the moral and aspirational idea they aim for in life in each other. Rachel’s manifestation of this trait looks different than Cassie’s. 

The second quality is that Rachel loves, in the moment, the rush of being confident and powerful. It’s something she gets in shopping for clothing and being able to pick out the right deals like a successful predator, and it’s also something she gets in war, in the heat of battle and crushing the enemy. It’s not about adulation (#3 notes with her gymnastics performances that she hates performing in front of a crowd), just the personal feeling of power. The others aren’t wrong that she enjoys battle in a terrifying way they do not, but it’s ultimately driven by a feeling in the moment, not an inborn sense that life is purposeless that leads to seeking out war in the long term. 

These two qualities combine to form a dynamic, a vicious cycle, with the rest of the group. When Rachel encounters something in life she believes is her duty to be a good person and help others, even though she doesn’t seek out such situations to feel special, she throws herself into it wholeheartedly (like as soon as she realizes she’s in a war now, in #4 I believe she changes all the inspirational quotations in her room to things like the Art of War). Combined with her general confidence, this leads to her throwing herself into danger bravely, which the others admire her for, and come to really need her in the role to give them the inspiration to risk their lives and untold horrors, which makes her play even harder into it to fulfill their need (even if she feels it is just a persona, as in #7 with her being “not brave, just blind”). This gets to the point where they, particularly Jake whose job it is to lead, use the others for their roles, and encourage them to keep those necessary roles, will outright discourage her from being anything else or showing any nuance or vulnerability (wee see this in #7 and #27). But the more she throws herself into danger and plays up her fearlessness and love of the fight, the more it triggers her love for the thrill and feeling of power of it which she recognizes is making her into her worst, cruelest version of herself. And the tragedy of it is that normally if she was recognizing she was a bad person in some way, she would stop everything to rectify that (like in #2 when she realizes she hasn’t been there for Melissa and immediately pivots to go as far as to risk torture and death to be there for her). But it’s precisely her commitment to goodness and duty that means she can’t this time, even if she knows the path is turning her into a monster, her friends and humanity as a whole still need her like this.  She is the type of character whose greatest strength is her downfall. This is particularly symbolized with her relationship with Tobias, who due to being a hawk is entirely enveloped in the Animorph life and can’t live “normally”. Every time Rachel goes out of her way to be there for him, she’s separating herself from the life she would want and reinforcing her worst impulses, and sometimes her narration expresses frustration with this, but she can’t turn away because he still needs her. 

And the others, even as they (particularly Jake) are parties to cajoling her into her role… as mentioned before, they don’t quite pick up on this. They mistake the long-term duty to do what’s right even if she absolutely doesn’t want it combined with the short-term thrill once she puts herself into a violent situation as one trait, a pride and ambition to be something greater than her normal life for the sake of glory. And while that combination of traits can look very similar (i.e her identification with hubristic classical heroes in #37), it’s fundamentally not the same, she expresses many times that she wants a normal life in the long term even if she enjoys fighting in the moment. She’s not constantly thinking about changing the world for the better unless the situation forces her into it (look at how she cares so little about politics that she doesn’t even know who her state’s governor is in #51, despite Marco expecting that she absolutely does and will chew him out for not knowing!) In fact, the whole point of #32 is that these are two separate traits, and when they aren’t put together she isn’t capable of the driven nature she normally exhibits, This misunderstanding leads to the others thinking she fully and uncomplicatedly wants all of this. 

It also leads to them underrating her compassion, often acting surprised or disbelieving when she shows it even when it’s not actually all that uncommon. For example, her statement that she cares for Tobias in #1 being followed by Jake’s narration saying that this is unusual for her. There’s also one quote about this I particularly like in #25, near the end when the Venber are killed. Marco’s narration goes  ‘ “Rest in peace”, someone said. It turned out to be Rachel ‘. It’s just one little line, but I find it fascinating how, even though the narrator Marco is attributing the rest of the dialogue completely normally, the idea that Rachel is capable of this solemn compassion is so against the image he has of her in her mind that he isn’t initially able to realize who said this, and that is really telling to Rachel’s dynamic with the rest of the group and how they view her.

Cassie and Rachel’s types of compassion are not the same, and that’s part of why the latter’s isn’t recognizes. Cassie is not just kind but diplomatic and able to keep calm in interpersonal situations, emphatic about the things she cares for most but willing to humble herself to get others on the same page. Rachel, on the other hand, comes from a place of confidence, willing to care but not to bend for others, and also a lot of anger deriving from that duty and compassion – towards those who harm others, like the Yeerks, for example, like in #38 when, realizing the Andalites aren’t coming and there’s no hope, she wants to at least take as many Yeerks down with her as she can and avenge humanity. Cassie, meanwhile, doesn’t let this passion for morality and justice lead her to revenge and instead goes in the opposite direction, seeing no point in killing if there can’t be a direct benefit of saving someone from it. And Rachel can just be plain angry and grumpy for reasons that aren’t about noble compassion, like when she is physically hurt (like #11 when she goes on a rant about the rainforest due to almost being eaten alive by ants). And most ironically, her anger and bitterness grows precisely when she is put in a trap where she can’t be a good person no matter what she chooses, where leaving makes her be uncaring and not doing her duty but staying will gradually turn her into a monster. This can be seen in #27 where her frustration at having to turn down T.T, both for himself and the normal life and escape from her darkest impulses he represents, because she owes it to Tobias, leads to her snapping at him and rejecting him in an especially cruel way, even though internally she feels compassion for him and doesn’t believe what she says. 

And that’s really the core of Rachel’s nightmares and breakdown in #48, and the rage and defiance she feels at Jake in her dreams. It’s not just the surface level of paranoia that her friends see her as a villain and hate her and anger at being controlled when she runs wild. It’s rage at being used as a soldier to fulfill a role, being outright criticized and belittled when she is anything else, and doing so willingly because it’s the right thing to do, only for them to turn around and hate her for the very thing they wanted from her and see her as the ”bad guy of the group” for whom they can separate out all of their criticism of the dirty and immoral parts of war while never questioning their own role in it. It’s a rage she can’t let herself express in waking life because she knows her duty is to follow Jake, but she can definitely have subliminally in a way that shows up in her dreams. And it’s also a fear that whatever her excuses, whatever her intentions, it doesn’t matter because she really is a monster, she really is morally worse than the others, and it’s just pathetic to insist otherwise.

This particularly hurts her with regards to her relationship to Cassie. The thrust of their arc is that, as I said earlier, they start out despite their differences, recognizing the same kindness and unflinching moral conviction in each other as in themselves, but that same conviction leads them on entirely opposite paths. In #19 Rachel expresses frustration with Cassie quitting the team because it shows her worst fear is becoming like Rachel herself – how can Cassie care so much more about feeling for her own sake like she’s a good person than actually doing good in the world, when Rachel would very much want to do the same but is making a huge sacrifice not to, and then look at Rachel like there never was a similarity between them, Cassie was always the only good person and Rachel is revolting? In #48 she keeps telling herself it’s just paranoia, just a dream, just reading too much into it and her friends don’t really hate her, but then in #52 Cassie snapping at her, in Rachel’s mind, shows her worst fears to be true. And I think it’s one of the underrated tragic moments of the series how, when we see Rachel’s perspective facing her death at the beginning of #54, she believes only Tobias will object to Jake sacrificing her because he cares about Rachel. Cassie, she believes, will only be upset because of the emotional impact it will have on Jake having to make such a hard decision. We as readers know this isn’t true; in #53 Cassie’s reaction to finding out what is happening is to be furious at Jake and upset purely about Rachel, and when we see her point of view in #54 she is very much grieving for her. But since Rachel’s last interaction with Cassie was her telling her she’s a horrible person and confirming her fears, that’s what she believes, and Cassie never had a chance to tell her otherwise. Never knowing that the best friend she ever had still cared, had never truly written her off as a lost cause.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Each time I hear about the chapters they continue to prove my point each time. Hades really is a fucked up person, you mistreat and abuse your employees who you’ve known for a long long time.. those who’ve worked under you and have obviously formed some kind of understanding with you since they have to live in your realm and work in your corporation, along with your citizens who also deal with you on a daily basis and help keep your realm financially and physically stabilized. All of those people who’ve been there longer than punk ass Persephone and you only give her respect, compassion, understanding, and respect. You’re a fucking asshole, there’s literally no redemption with Hades and that’s exactly why I absolutely despise his ass.

See, I knew I was on to something when I said that Hades is nowhere near a morally grey character, he’s literally the worst person ever. He has no redeeming traits at least that he chooses to display, he never tries to actually fix his problems instead he gets someone else to, and whenever he’s confronted on his shitty behavior he gaslights and manipulates the person confronting him. He’s so fucking evil like I have such a deep hatred for him, he’s not even that fucking nice to Persephone literally he’s becoming borderline controlling and condescending. You can’t say you respect Persephone and then spoon feed her information like she’s an idiot, you can’t say she’s mature or an adult when you baby her like she’s 4, you can’t say that she should be the queen of the underworld if you won’t even let her help with actual situations that need to be dealt with in her realm. I mean… it’s almost as if.. We knew that Persephone was nowhere near capable or even showed any sort of leadership traits when it came to actually being a ruler.

Genuinely I never saw Persephone as an actual queen or adequate ruler of the underworld. Hell, Hades isn’t even cutting it either with his terrible communication and behavioral issues that he keeps projecting onto people he believes is less than. But the problem I have with Persephone is that there’s no record in the comic of Persephone actually trying to improve her understanding of the underworld or trying to come up with any solutions to its problems either. Like she literally just came back from the damn mortal realm after being there for 10 years and even before she got banned she’s never even had any motivation to learn about the underworld. The only motivation she’s ever had was flirting with Hades, she never asked about the realm, how things worked, what the citizens’ concerns, what additions they need to add, nothing. It’s always been about Hades and she’s only had one panel where she was actually interested in taking the realm but of course it was cut off because you can’t have romance and the female lead to have actual aspirations not revolving around flirting and being with the male lead.

This whole situation is irking to me, so many people time and time again always excuse Hades’ shitty behavior and instead try and punish the other characters for doing either the exact same thing or nothing at all. I’m so tired of this bullshit, Thanatos does not deserve to be so disrespected and unappreciated that he gets so jealous at the sight of Hades treating Persephone like a normal person to the point of actively trying to ruin her life. That speaks volumes on how badly Hades always treats him, he got desperate at the opportunity to actually be respected and noticed by his father figure Hades. The fact that this motherfucker brought Thanatos into his damn office just to talk about Persephone who was around the time still A FUCKING EMPLOYEE being queen is just so creepy to me. Like Persephone was still there to work and yet she’s effortlessly rewarded straight to the crown even though this bitch doesn’t do shit. Show me any scene or panel that Persephone actually deserves the crown because genuinely there is none, it’s creepy and weird how obsessive Hades is and how he wants Persephone so badly that he continues to call her his wife and address her like she’s basically his even though she’s already said that she wants to take things slowly. The man obviously just wants a wife he does not care about Persephone’s feeling or anything, he believes that her kindness is an invitation for him to court her and it’s really weird that no one’s thoughts of that.

Anyways that’s the end of the rant on both Persephone and Hades because they genuinely get on my nerves. Persephone is just as much to blame for Hades’ behavior too, I know there’s a few time she’s tried to correct his behavior but it seems like she really brushes it off unless it affects her in some way. Like she never sticks up for anyone else that Hades berates and insults or even try and get him to change. She just allows him to be absolutely unbearable without checking it so yeah it is partially her fault as well because as his only development the more time he spends with her the less of an asshole but instead it seems like Hades is now acting aggressively to “defend” Persephone which is really making things worse. But like I always say this is just a meaningless rant and whether or not you agree or disagree is fine with me, none of these rants hold a lot of weight since I come up with them on the spot so don’t take any of these as fact or importance, also don’t use this as fuel to go after any Hades or Lore Olympus stans, people are allowed to enjoy their characters.

[magnorious]

Can somebody explain Jon Snow to me?

Not that this fandom is dead or anything. I went down a rabbit hole of the last ten years or so of filmmaking where the general motive for story decisions seems to be “if the fan theories correctly anticipate the direction of the plot, change it at all costs to keep the suspense”. It was about Star Wars, but reminded me of Game of Thrones.

I didn’t watch seasons 7 and 8, only saw clips here and there and watched the whole thing for the first time earlier this year. I’m well aware of the fans’ loudest complaints but one just doesn’t make sense to me: Being pissed that Jon Snow didn’t end up on the iron throne.

From a storytelling perspective, I can understand the frustrations. He fits the archetype of the long lost heir, thus is story should end with him assuming his birthright as the ruler of the land. That checks out.

Problem is, Jon Snow as a person independent of this archetype never once gave any indication that he has aspirations of royalty. So everyone mocking his “she’s muh queen/I don’t want the throne” is, again, understandably frustrating for the meta reasonings, but… Jon isn’t exactly being out of character here, from what I saw when I watched the show over the course of two weeks or so.

This dude is humble to a fault and just keeps bad-lucking into critical plot beats that demand he flex his nobility and loyalty to his friends and his own beliefs, to a point where they get him killed. I don’t recall a single conversation Jon has where he longs for a station of power and endless riches and the respect of kingship, and the mortality rate of the leaders of Westeros don’t make it that appealing to someone like him anyway.

He never talks about how he would change Westeros or what about him he thinks would make a better leader than the inbreds. No other characters talk about how he’s really going places beyond the Night’s Watch and that he’d make a great king. Why?

Because for 90% of the story, Jon has no idea he’s the long lost heir. Since this IP is constantly compared to Lord of the Rings, let’s compare him to Aragon on only a “long lost heir” basis, and I’ll use Movie Aragorn, who’s much less gung-ho about his birthright, for familiarity’s sake.

When we meet him, which isn’t until almost an hour into the first movie, we have no idea who he is other than a competent Ranger who knows stuff the heroes need to survive, and that his name is Strider. Then without much fanfare, the revelations of who he actually is comes in waves. Arwen has an unremarkably dramatic conversation about how Aragorn hates being in Isildur’s shadow and how it gives him imposter syndrome—as in, there’s no dramatic pause for the audience’s sake for gasps of shock and awe. It’s just played straight. Then you get the big dramatic reveal for the rest of the cast during the Council of Elrond for a more concrete establishing of this long lost heir and what role we can expect to see from him.

Because we know from very early on in the story, and Aragorn and everybody he meets knows, too, his arc is constantly framed around how competent he is on a leadership level, and as a friend. He’s given spotlight after spotlight to show his prowess in battle and leading large numbers of troops in infantry and cavalry, is a solid tactician and strategist, and is the first boots on and last boots off the ground whenever he can be.

Skill wise, he’s shown to be an excellent swordsman and archer, or whatever weapon he can get his hands on in an emergency—but not OP. In the fight in the Mines of Moria with the troll, he gets knocked out by the troll.

He’s humble and friendly and always looking out for the little guy, always makes sure to act with the utmost respect to everyone he meets, even when they don’t deserve it, and is a leader who leads by example, on the battlefield in the mud on the front lines.

His entire arc is growing into these massive shoes he has to fill and accepting that he is the one true king. He goes from his scruffy Ranger outfit to the livery of Gondor for the final battle in all his shiny armor and velvet and gives his first real big speech to his troops—a true king to rally behind.

—

I did enjoy following Jon Snow as a character. He had a ton of depth and nuance and was constantly put in harrowing situations that kept testing his morals and beliefs and he has a lot of the same traits as Aragorn: Humble, respectful, charismatic, a bit of imposter syndrome, etc.

But since we spend more than six out of eight total seasons with the entire cast of characters, including Jon, completely unaware that he’s the long lost heir, there is zero development on that front. Personality wise, Jon is amazing, they pulled out all the stops, but his arc is just one long chain of act-and-react to the next obstacle in his way without much agency from him on what those actions are.

He doesn’t start his story on page one with a clear goal or aspiration in mind beyond to survive another day. A problem I found with a lot of GoT characters—they’re all just waiting around going on their side quests in the interim until the writers want to pull the trigger on huge plot set pieces, like the White Walkers.

By not having the understanding on page one that there is in fact a long lost heir (that wouldn’t just get murdered by these bloodthirsty savages), Jon is aimless, going wherever the plot demands because we don’t know where he wants to end up. Or at least, I don’t know.

He’s voluntold to campaign as the lord commander of the Knights Watch, he doesn’t actually want to do the job until he has no choice. He doesn’t want to be crowned King in the North after liberating Winterfell, it just happens to him and he has no choice.

And you’re telling me that somewhere in these unfilmed script pages is eight seasons’ worth of desire to be King Of The Whole World left on the cutting room floor?

So is everybody just mad that Jon didn’t fulfill his destiny as is written by the archetype taped to his forehead? Because wanting the iron throne was never anywhere as part of his aspirations. I’m mad he didn’t get it because it seemed they were doing so just to “subvert expectations” and not to provide a satisfying, unique end for his arc, not because I thought Jon got snubbed at the Westeros Oscars.

And if the answer is “it was in the books,” not good enough. HBO spent millions producing this show and for the first four seasons, it had incredible writing. They could have fit an explanation somewhere in there.

With the way they show ended, and I’ve only seen bits of 7 and 8, they could have still done so much with this character even with the late reveal of his true parentage. They could have had Jon reframe his entire worldview on whether or not he wants to risk his neck by going public with his claim to the throne, but he never did, all we have is what was written. There was still time to save this long lost heir arc.

So, yeah, somebody explain Jon Snow to me. I love him but he’d get eaten alive by Westeros politics and nothing can convince me any of these honorless backstabbers wouldn’t just poison him and call it an accident. There is no competent justice system of checks and balances in place. He’d just die in this cynical parade of grimdark misery.

[beevean]

I always used the Media Factory manga to talk about Hector and Isaac, because it goes much more in depth (and it’s far easier to read), but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the Prelude to Revenge manga! It’s much, much denser, but it has its interesting moments too.

I like this exchange a lot, for example:

I’m glad that it’s been confirmed: Hector did try to reason with Isaac, asking him the very obvious question “how can you, a human, be okay with Dracula’s genocide?”... and he was rejected without any hope for conversation. It says a lot about both of them.

I talked a lot about Hector affirming his own humanity in the face of Dracula and the people who shunned him, but Isaac’s non-response is just as interesting.

Just to double check, in Japanese he uses the word 賢くない, the negative of 賢い, which means “wise, clever, smart​”. So Isaac is saying that he’s not as smart as Hector... And clearly he’s not talking seriously, because no way this guy would honestly admit to be inferior to Hector in any way :P

No, he’s dodging the question, and I think the English translation nails the point. Isaac is smart, his plan in CoD is well thought out, but he doesn’t want to think for himself.

Isaac is clearly happy to be nothing more than Dracula’s servant. No higher aspirations on his part, other than probably being his favorite instead of Hector. He doesn’t care about what he’s doing, really: he waves the deep question away with “if you have a good weapon, shouldn’t you use it?”. Question is, what is this “weapon” he’s talking about? Hector and Isaac’s powers, which should be used at their fullest demonic potential because, well, they have them for a reason? ... or Hector and Isaac themselves, for Dracula...? If Dracula has two talented Devil Forgemasters at his beck and call, why shouldn’t he use them to spread his reign of terror? And really, what does it matter what they personally think of it? It’s not like they can do anything about their situation. At least, from Isaac’s point of view, who likely finds unconceivable that someone could just leave.

Another point. Unlike his Netflix counterpart, who wouldn’t shut up for a whole season about how much he hates humans, Isaac rarely mentions his resentment against humankind.

And these pages depict the same moment: Isaac directly confronting Hector after he ran away. In this context, this is more of a way to convince Hector to give up. And of course, he doesn’t make a mention of it in CoD itself, when he was at the peak of his hatred and insanity.

(btw, while sadly we never see a full flashback of Isaac’s childhood, it’s implied that it was nearly identical to Hector’s, and ngl I buy “the whole village hated me and hurt me, including my own parents” over “my master abused me” as a motivation to become misanthropic. As a child he was already bragging over turning his back on God, so I think he has suffered something even worse than what Hector went through and I wish I knew what :( )

My point being, Isaac isn’t mainly motivated by misanthropy. It’s there, but it’s just... there. This is just a corollary to his principal motivation: serving Dracula. That’s all he cares about. Look at the MF version: he puts “they turned their back on Lord Dracula” before “they chased us away”. I could even say that he’s just repeating words that Dracula put in his head, and there is nothing in canon that contraddicts it.

I also want to bring back this great scene from the MF manga, that I analyzed at the bottom of my long rant against Netflix!Isaac and Hector :P Isaac is more than capable of disobeying Dracula to get what he wants, but even after going all the trouble to kill his own underlings to get his way, he’s still convinced he’s 100% loyal. He’s deep in denial. His identity is wholly wrapped around being “Dracula’s servant”.

I also think that Hector being the “favorite” influenced how they diverged. Isaac was most likely single-mindedly focused on keeping up with Hector, which frustrated him and made him double down to be as perfect as he could be for Dracula. Hector, from his “privileged” position, could step back, look at the situation, and think “what am I even doing? All this effort for this?”.

Also, also. I am just so fascinated by those three years Isaac spent alone after the fall of Castlevania. What did he do in the meantime, how did he survive? The PoR manga... doesn’t give us the best picture:

Pictured: Isaac Not Doing Well Alone.

And I recently noticed another detail. Look at that. Look at where he’s sitting.

Ruins.

He never left Dracula’s fallen castle.

If we take Kojima’s words (art) for it, Isaac rotted three years in what was left of Dracula’s and his old home.

This is just a complete refusal, if not inability, to move on.

He had the freedom to go as he pleased, to do as he pleased. He was free from Dracula’s orders, free from being under Hector’s shadow. He could have travelled outside of Wallachia, where he wasn’t known, and started over. In fact, had he had done that, he would have not died so young.

(this is not confirmed anywhere, but I suspect that this is where his misanthropy comes into play: why would he completely avoid human civilization, were he not still suffering from the trauma of being chased away? Hector embraced his humanity despite all. Isaac rejected it a long time ago.)

But freedom is so, so terrifying, for someone who doesn’t want to be his own person.

I just... really like the idea of Isaac being utterly alienated by freedom, a concept too vast to analyze and that would force him to reflect on how much of his life he has wasted, and retreating into his comfort zone, which is acting on behalf of Dracula. No thinking. He’s just a weapon, and he’ll be the best one he can be. Even if it means going insane for three years. Even if it means being used and discarded without any dignity.

In this, he’s both a great counterpart to Hector, who finds pride in his independence, and to Trevor, a natural born leader.

Isaac is a tragic, pitiful villain, and this is the hill I will die on.

[j0kers-light]

His Lighthouse: Following Orders (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Following Orders

series summary:  

Y/n is an aspiring writer living in Gotham City and struggling to find her next muse. Her recent novel is getting all the buzz, earning her far more attention than she signed up for. But when a chance encounter results in her nursing The Joker back to health, will she find the time to write another best seller or will her own story become front page of the Gotham Gazette?  

chapter summary:

The day of the charity arrives as Y/n copes with the emptiness of not having Joker around. Should everything go as planned, hopefully you can move on and have this back to normal in your life. 

Author’s note:  

Is this the longest chapter to date? Yes! Is it the most important? I hope so.

At the beginning of 2022 I had ongoing dreams about Joker falling in love with an original character. Lol I still do! but at the time I didn’t have the confidence to start writing but I kept post it notes with ideas on what would happen between them by my nightstand. Each time I had a dream, it turned into an idea. I’m running out of notepads!

This chapter dives into the first dream I had. You can say this update is what started this journey.

I cried while writing and editing it. This is a piece of me I share with all of you. I CANT BELIVE THE FLOOD OF SUPPORT HIS LIGHTHOUSE HAS RECEIVED! I never thought so many people would care enough to read my story. Thank you for the love and support here on tumblr, Wattpad, and on ao3. Comments motivate me to keep going. I hope this chapter doesn’t turn people away but things are about to get real. Enjoy!

Taglist!

@blackreaderatrisk

Last Chapter | Next Chapter 

Two weeks. That's all you promised Joker.

You promised to nurse him back to health and offered him a place to hide from the authorities in exchange for your life. His plans thereafter were completely up in the air.

You didn't know if he would leave peacefully or simply kill you to ensure that no witnesses were left behind. Either way, your fate was not your own and you blindly trusted a madman with it.

Funny how that worked out but you couldn't say that you regretted anything that did happen.

There were only five days left in the arranged agreement yet you found yourself alone pacing your apartment, stressing out about him.

Who would've thought that a petty argument would have resulted in him leaving? Could you even say he was gone for good? What ever happened to promises with definite answers?

Joker and his vague, 'don't wait up'. What did that even mean?

Your nails suffered the price of your anxiety. You held them back at arm length and groaned remembering you had a gala to attend tonight.

You seriously did not want to shake hands with Gotham's pompous elite all night but Cindy really gave you no other choice. Could you even squeeze in a manicure with your jam packed schedule today?

You had too much on your plate as is. Thankfully you had the hindsight to text your hair beautician last night to come to your place. She sent a heads up message this morning apologizing in advance for being late.

A blessing in disguise; you didn't wash your hair last night and how could you with your distracted mind?

After your emotional phone call with Barbara your nightly routine was shot.

The front and balcony door was locked and checked off of your nightly to-do list. Just because you were on the top floor of a high rise building didn't mean someone could break in. This was Gotham City, anything was possible.

But after that? It was a wrap.

You said screw it to your hair and fought the urge to sleep without brushing your teeth but you just couldn't commit. There was no way you would skip a crucial task like that, but the brushing time was cut in half due to your mellow mood. What was one night without flossing gonna hurt? Not a thing if your tired bones had any say about it.

You barely peeled off your bell bottom jeans and swapped out your light grey crop top for your usual pjs before you crashed for the night.

More tears threatened to spill when your head hit the pillow but you couldn't allow Joker to monopolize your emotions.

He didn't control them and he would not control you. So what if he left? His time spent at your apartment was meant to be temporary, right from the beginning.

You knew this day would come. Two weeks was all you had to give. Yet day ten and he was gone, taking a part of you with him.

You should be rejoicing. You were alive and stress free once again! You could go back to your quiet, normal life without waiting on Joker hand and foot.

But when you woke up this morning, groggy and exhausted from staying up so late the night before, the first thought on your brain was what to fix Joker for breakfast.

You buried your face in your hands and groaned out loud. This is what you got yourself used to. Pitiful.

You no longer had to care for Joker but that piece of you he took with him hurt.

It ached relentlessly with each lingering thought of Joker. Ten days was enough time to develop a crush on someone, especially with how you and Joker were around each other almost twenty four hours each day.

You had to stop fooling yourself; you liked Joker. Maybe more than liked, at least more than you liked Bruce. That realization made you pause.

How could you prefer a madman over a model citizen?

Could you really be that sick in the head? Admitting your feelings aloud was a can of worms you did not want to pry open. Which was stupid because you were writing a romance novel about the guy!

You would never escape that green haired clown but you still had a life to live. You sat up in bed and checked your phone for any messages to start off your day. Everything was in order for tonight's festivities. All you had to do now was run water for a bath and wash your hair before your company arrived.

Your bathroom was pitch dark when you entered but that was nothing new.

A button on the wall commanded the shades to move, revealing the vast windows and the city view below. Gotham's sunrise was peeking through the clouds as you turned the bathtub faucets on with a yawn.

The two chibi sprites faucets emptied water from their mosaic vases in sync with the deity statue that filled your tub with her open mouth.

It would take twenty minutes to fill. You were feeling chamomile with lush jasmine to add into the bath and you certainly didn't forget to grab your shampoo and conditioner to wash your hair.

You dropped the bath bomb into the running stream where bubbles immediately began to form. The water turned a creamy off white with a faint shimmer.

In the meantime, you leaned on the edge of the sink scrolling through your phone. A few likes were made as you crossed posted about the gala tonight on two different apps when you accidentally called Barbara.

Your thumb slipped and hit her name as you tried to turn off the faucets before it overflowed. By the time you noticed the mistake, she had already said hello four times and counting.

"Seriously, I'm going to-" You heard her stern voice echo in the room and you rushed over to apologize.

"Barbara? Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to call you."

It was an ungodly hour and knowing that she worked long nights, you felt absolutely terrible for disturbing her.

What you didn't expect to hear was her amused snort. "Calm down Y/n, you didn't wake me. I'm surprised that you're awake though. Did you get any sleep?"

Your long sigh was her answer. "No... but thanks for asking. I got an early hair appointment this morning. Florence is coming over so I can look like a decent human being tonight."

You slid your phone into its custom holder attached to the wall and stepped in. The water temperature was just right and it did wonders for your tired muscles.

You almost forgot about Barbara, you were so relaxed.

"I haven't seen her since our girl's night last month." It sounded like Barbara was doing something else in the background but she returned to the phone call without skipping a beat. "How is she?"

Your circle of friends was more like a sad tiny square. It was only Barbara, Dick, and Cindy if you overlooked the fact she doubled as your manager.

If you couldn't overlook that then Florence, an old high school friend and full time beautician, and Morgana— your favorite local florist, were the only four people you kept constant contact with.

You lived in Gotham City for a year and one month now. By definition, you were an introvert. You just happened to fake being charismatic whenever Cindy forced you to socialize with others.

Her words from earlier this week mocked you.

"Oh calm down, Y/n. You're a natural communicating with others!"

Even she knew it was a joke but still respected your aversion to talking to new people. She never put too many public appearances on your plate at one given time. Your social battery was a real thing and needed to charge daily.

You hummed and decided to answer Barbara's question.

"Florence? Yeah she's been doing great actually. She got flown out to Cali to do some famous celebrity's hair since you saw her last and it really opened up doors for her. I'm shocked she agreed to do mine last minute with how solid her schedule is nowadays."

Plus her initial consultation and booking process was a pain but Barbara didn't need to know that.

Any friend of yours was friends with Barbara.

Even though the two women were from different backgrounds, (just like you were originally with the red headed computer analyst) they grew to accept their differences and formed a strong bond.

"Hey, why don't you come over at eight? She'll be here all day until it's time for me to leave. We can turn this into an impromptu glam squad day! She'll be so happy to see you and we all got some catching up to do!"

You were massaging shampoo into your hair but rounded back to your invitation, "That is if you don't already have plans, Barbs."

"I'm free today and that sounds like fun. Should I bring anything like snacks, wine?"

"I'm not drinking." You mumbled but Barbara knew that already from your dad's bad relationship with alcohol and continued talking.

"I'll stop by the store and come over when I'm done." She heard you agree and disconnected the call after saying goodbye.

This was a great idea. All the girls together having fun before your night begins. If it was just fans attending, you wouldn't be so wound up but you knew only stiff collars and fat wallets would be at the event tonight.

And you had to convince one of them to sponsor a movie deal for you. That should be easy.

You rolled your eyes before tilting your head back under the two vases to wash out your shampoo. The same process was done three more times before you worked on actually washing your body while the hair conditioner processed.

The time on your phone put you ahead of schedule but you still wanted to hurry. You had to moisturize and tidy up the living room and make sure absolutely nothing pertaining to Joker ever staying here remained.

Barbara was perceptive just like her father; you were taking NO chances around her.

A mental checklist was made as you finished bathing and rinsed out your conditioner. Your big toe popped open the drain and the last of the opal jasmine and chamomile bath bomb swirled down the drain.

This one was all natural and wouldn't stain your tub. It was a pain to clean the sunken structure at times.

You used an old T-shirt to partially dry your hair and padded over to your bathroom bench to lotion up and then part your hair for Florence.

She could do this for you but you knew she preferred it if her client's hair was already prepped. You sectioned off your semi wet curls into four chunky braids and left your bathroom.

Joker's old guest room was scanned up and down for any trace of him.

You found nothing inside and moved on to the main bathroom where you tossed his shower loofah out and hid the stash of makeup you bought him inside your own modest cosmetic collection.

You were paranoid and looked twice as hard to make sure nothing suspected as his was left behind. You lived alone. Nothing hints of a roommate or guest staying with you could be found.

When the hallway bathroom was cleared, you migrated into the kitchen and spazzed. The cake had to go, right? Was it too obvious or was your paranoia just blowing it out of proportion?

You couldn't decide but still you cut the remaining cake in half to make it seem like you had just a little bit left and wrapped up the other piece for later. It found a temporary home in your bread box.

The dual set of dishes were put away and the island barstool was pushed a nanometer away from its twin. It looked too close together. Yeah, you were losing it.

Your eyes darted over your apartment hoping things looked singular, distant, and befitting of your loner lifestyle.

Hopefully you didn't miss anything.

For a guy who stayed here for ten days, Joker didn't leave that much evidence of his presence behind. There was no trace of him left. If you didn't have the numerous memories of him, you might've convinced yourself that he didn't exist. And that thought left you feeling a little hollow inside.

"Nope. Don't think about it because if you do, then you'll start crying again and you don't need puffy eyes tonight." You spoke to yourself while walking down the hallway.

A final sweep of the penthouse was completed and right in the nick of time.

A series of knocks that made up a complex musical beat was pounded onto your door. Only one person in your square of friends would do that and you giggled like mad answering the door for her.

You flung it open to reveal your old high school friend Florence standing there with two big suitcases and a bigger smile.

"What's up?"

Once again, the perks of living on the top floor. You could be as loud as you wanted. The maintenance floor below yours buffered the loud squeals the two of you made while greeting one another. First a secret handshake with a bit of college step elements mixed in, followed by a long overdue hug.

"It never gets old!" She said while laughing.

"At all! Come on in and get situated!" You ushered her inside and then noticed an assistant trailing behind her. You apologized and let her in as well.

Florence wasn't a stranger to your home but she never failed at taking a good look around the place each visit.

In the time it took to hug your friend, the sunrise was halfway in the sky, casting muted oranges and warm violets into the penthouse.

A ray of rich sienna highlighted Florence the moment she parked her equipment and turned around.

Always dressed for any occasion she wore a long strapless sundress that billowed as she floated around the living room. You noticed it tied in the back and a high split on the side showed off her gorgeous melanin skin.

She looked radiant in the morning sun and ready for the day.

Her yellow sandals had a heel to them because they tapped against your hardwood floors to a beat only she knew. She always accented her clothes with her footwear, it was something you loved about her. The sandals she wore today highlighted the bright yellow flowers in her sundress.

There were also pinks and greens within the print and her hoop earrings, real gold, tied the whole look together.

She flung her designer handbag on the couch. It seemed California drastically altered her taste in fashion.

"Huh. This is new. Did you finally listen to Red and Grayson and got a new sofa? About time, that old one was a hot mess girl." She ran her hands along the new velvet cushions.

No nonsense, very opinionated. That was the Florence you knew and loved.

You were about to defend your old couch when she clicked her tongue in annoyance. "She won't bite, Sharon. You can say hello at any time."

It was then you gave your full attention to the second guest in your home.

She was shorter than Florence but still considered tall in your book. Her legs stretched for days in the dark yoga pants she wore that matched the sports bra she had underneath a long floor length jacket.

It was white and tailored to trail behind her as she walked. Capes must be back in fashion. To be honest, you wanted to ask her where she bought this one from but you decided to start out with a warm hello.

"Hi!" you extended your hand, "I'm Y/n. Thanks for coming on such short notice."

She nodded her head once while shaking your hand but didn't speak. You hoped in the next few hours she would come out of her shell.

Florence noticed the frosty exchange and tried to lighten the mood by teasing you a bit.

"Miss Sealy, Miss Sealy, Miss Sealy!" She sang referring to the rudimentary braids you had.

She walked over and got a handful of your hair. "You just washed?" She asked.

"Mhm, right before you got here." You replied back.

Florence nodded. "Good, I taught you well. Now! You have a big night. I wanna see the dress so I know what I'm working with." She snapped her fingers and you didn't waste any time pitter patting around.

You rushed straight to your room to grab your dress and accessories.

Once you were out of earshot. Florence rounded on her assistant. "Get that stick out your rear and lose the attitude. Y/n is a very close friend of mine and you're gonna act like you got some sense 'round her, even if she didn't officially book us. She's a celeb to me. Got it?"

Sharon bobbed her head. "Yes ma'am."

Florence rolled her eyes and began unpacking her equipment. She liked having the much needed help, but this particular assistant just wasn't cutting it. She'd address that issue later.

For now she returned her focus when you returned back into the living room with your dress bag in tow, unzipping it as you walked.

"Okay.. Cindy had this delivered to me yesterday." You peeled back the cover to show them the haute couture gown. Their eyes widened reading the label.

"I was thinking maybe something half up, half down? It's from Paolo Sebastian's fall Moonlight Serenade collection of this year. Delicate, regal, screams of Greek inspiration to me. Oh and here's the earrings that came with it." You had the jewelry box tucked under your arm but popped open the lid.

A pair of diamond leaf earrings proudly bearing Alexander Laut's name inside a felt lined Neiman Marcus box twinkled in the overhead lights.

You glanced up when Sharon gasped. "Blame Cindy okay? She really went all out this time."

Sharon and Florence shared a look. It made you panic.

Before they could pounce on you, another knock on the door was heard. "Lemme get that."

You excused yourself from the two conspiring women to go answer the door. A familiar face greeted you. Barbara waved at you from her chair.

"Hey! Sorry it took so long. Who woulda thought the grocery store on Holt street doesn't open until nine am sharp. Had me waiting outside.. Florence!!"

Barbara stopped ranting mid sentence and wheeled herself straight past you and over to her friend and automatically joined the glam squad huddle.

"....and good morning to you too, Barbara." You chuckled to yourself while closing the door.

You saw the store bags hanging from her chair handles and took them off to unpack them in the kitchen.

It was something to do since obviously you weren't needed.

A fond smile was etched on your face as you sorted out the wine bottles. White and red, Barbara wasn't playing around. You could tell her and Florence were excited, so you paid the expensive bottles no mind.

It was a last minute girl's day. Everyone deserved to have a little fun.

You could make another charcuterie board to go with the wine Barbara brought. That should hold everyone until takeout could be ordered later on.

"But you know Y/n.. it's not breakfast and thaT is the most important meal of the dayyy."

You froze and looked over the island counter where Joker sat. His body language appeared bored but his smug grin gave him away. He was already having fun.

Cue your panic.

You cast a glance into the living room where your friends were still gathered and wondered how he got past them without being seen.

You were about to ask Joker what his intentions were when Florence walked into the kitchen and sat down right where Joker was. His image distorted like a plume of smoke being fanned away making you panic for a different reason.

"Hey.. you alright in here?" She asked.

You blinked in disbelief. He was gone. Great. You were seeing things now.

"Hello? Earth to Y/n? I told you she didn't get any sleep last night, do you believe me now?" Barbara rolled to a stop next to your left hand side and snagged a grape from the unfinished cheese board.

Florence hummed and stole a slice of Monterey Jack on top of a cracker.

"I see. Well, when you're done acting like someone's housewife making fancy food trays, you can join us in the living room. Your edges are mine!"

Barbara howled in laughter. "Ha! Good one Flo."

You barely heard them leave, you were so caught up in trying to figure out what was real and not from your hallucinating mind.

Did you seriously envision Joker here in your kitchen? Was it possible that your mind forgot he left last night without a trace? No matter how hard you tried, you would never fully get rid of Joker. Why was that so hard to accept?

You finished making a simple yet fancy cheese board for your friends and carried it out to begin the party.

Sharon expressed concern about drinking on the job but Florence shut her up by popping open a bottle like a pro. The cork broke something in the background but you didn't worry about it when you were having fun, surrounded by friends.

If only Joker could see this side of you. This would prove every hurtful thing he said about you dead wrong.

But that was a chapter in your life thoroughly closed so you did something unexpected and knocked back a glass to celebrate with the girls.

Barbara didn't want to say anything and ruin the mood after seeing that. You rarely drank and that only confirmed her suspicions. Something was troubling you and it definitely wasn't about some stray cat.

She kept an eye on you just in case you spilled any tea on what was going on with you.

After a collective decision over wine, the trio decided on faux locs done up in a half up half down bun for your hair tonight. It would give your earrings a stage to pop and still be compatible with the gown Cindy chose.

There were concerns about the gown's train and the locs clashing but Florence put all worries to rest saying she wouldn't make the braids too long. With that settled, a daytime talk show was put on the tv and both Sharon and Florence attacked your hair simultaneously.

In the interim, Barbara found your scarcely used makeup collection, (thankfully she didn't comment on Joker's portion that was included) and poked around inside for ideas.

"I don't want to wear any makeup tonight Barbs." You whined.

"Shhh! You have no input here."

It was obvious that you didn't. You were just a doll Florence and Barbara were about to play dress up with. You sent Sharon a please help me look that went vastly ignored. Okay.. so you were on your own here.

You hoped the morning torture flew by quickly.

It didn't. The early morning turned into late afternoon one slow tick at a time.

You regretted inviting Barbara over after the giddy excitement her and Florence shared all day grew. The wine only amplified their antics. How Florence managed to braid your hair while drunk was astonishing but it could very well be the Haitian in her at play. That and she held her alcohol remarkably well.

The same however could not be said for Sharon.

After Barbara coaxed her into drinking a glass, (more like forced) the woman's tongue grew emboldened. It was safe to say gossip hour had begun.

"I'm sorry, I have to ask. How come you still single?"

"Facts." Florence chimed in from your right.

The two beauticians were moving at the speed of light cutting what usually would take nine hours to complete in half. Barbara was tipping the delivery guy but quickly joined the conversation with her input once he sat everything down for her and left.

"She won't be for long. Bruce Wayne has eyes for her!" She popped open the many Chinese takeout boxes and began divvying out portions.

Her actions signaled an official break for everyone. Your hair was almost done save for the ends and it was only one in the afternoon.

They were ahead of schedule. The four of you washed your hands and gathered at your dining room table. Fried rice, noodles, and all other kinds of dishes were passed around to each other.

"Barbara.. quit it. It's not going to happen." You said.

"And why not? Two adults are interested in one another. He's hot, you're gorgeous, just smash and pass if you're not ready for commitment but c'mon, Y/n. Thousands of girls would kill to have his attention and you're brushing him off! Live a little!"

You sighed hearing Florence's advice. It wasn't as simple as it sounded. Bruce was the ideal partner, the problem was– you weren't.

He asked you out to dinner so many times you lost count and each time you turned him down because your heart was hung up on someone else that it shouldn't be meddling with.

You didn't want fancy dinners and the honor of being Bruce's arm candy.

You longed for a quiet night indoors spent in the company of Gotham's most wanted. You knew Joker was undateable and you doubted he saw women as potential partners, rather as an easy hostage or his next murder victim.

He advertised his red flags from day one. He was capable of hurting you and did numerous times, but he was smart and also showed you his compassionate side.

The first night when he fell on top of you. His mini interview with you about your book tour. He asked you so many personal questions, it felt so natural.

When you cleaned out his infected leg wound and the steamy moment you two shared in the shower immediately after.

Cooking with Joker and knowing that he cleaned even after he screwed up and hurt you again. You wished it wasn't true but everything Joker did, was a ruse. He didn't care about you, not for a second.

Joker was manipulative, you knew that. All of Gotham did, but in your heart you wanted to believe for just a second– those moments with Joker meant something to him.

You wanted to believe that his eyes grew soft only for you and that each time he touched you by accident or whenever he caressed your hair, it was the actions of a man falling in love.

You scoffed at the thought. Joker? Falling in love? Gotham City would be crime free before that ever happened.

"Something you want to share with the class Y/n?" You forgot you were in front of company.

Your eyes glanced from your plate up to the three pairs of eyes staring at you.

One set was green, but not the right shade you wanted to see. "I uhh.. can you repeat that Barbs?"

She faced Florence and pointed at you with her fork. "See? She's been acting weird all morning! I doubt she heard a single word we've said. You're more aggressive than me, get her to cough it up."

"You're the Commissioner's daughter. Why don't you interrogate her?" The Haitian woman bartered back.

She didn't want to address the elephant in the room. They started a playful argument and didn't notice when Sharon turned to face you.

"I know we just met today and not on very good terms. I'm used to having scheduled appointments with the client's consultation already complete. Florence just told me to pack everything up and meet her at some address across town. It kinda pissed me off. But now I understand you two are super close."

She waved her fork in the air, flinging a lo mein noodle unintentionally across the table.

"I might not be your friend but a beautician knows when her client is stressed. You've been squirming in your seat for four hours straight and you keep biting your cuticles."

You glanced down at them, wincing. She hummed out a, I told you so noise and kept pushing.

"It's none of my business, but what's your problem?"

After her question the table went quiet and you saw Florence and Barbara eye the situation closely.

You smiled down at your plate trying not to match her rudeness with your own. "Let's just finish eating and.."

"Why are you evading the question?" Barbara seized the opportunity and ran with it.

You let your chopsticks fall and rattle on the plate. Here we go. "Why are you looking for a problem that isn't there?"

Florence tapped in when she saw your defensive body language. "Because we're your friends and we know when there's something wrong with you. You act out just like you are right now." She mentioned.

"There's nothing wrong." You denied.

"Denial is the first stage of admitting that there is." Barbara stated and propped her elbows up on the table.

"Oh my God. Barbs, seriously. I'm fine." You stressed.

"Were you fine last night when you cried all day over some cat?" She was hitting you where it hurt and Florence got confused and had to intervene. "Cat? What cat?" She asked.

"Exactly! What cat Flo? Y/n claims she's been taking care of a stray for weeks now but I haven't seen not one water or food bowl, no litter box, or any evidence of a cat ever being here. There's no lint or cat hair to be seen and trust me if you ever owned a cat before, you know their hair gets everywhere. So tell us the truth, Y/n. What are you really hiding?"

All eyes were on you. Your heart was beating out of your chest for being so careless. You didn't expect anyone to come visit so physically keeping up with your little white lie was the least of your worries.

Your 'cat' was long gone but you couldn't tell them that.

Barbara figured out this much on her own, it was only a matter of time she figured out the cat was actually human and really tear you a new one for lying to her.

You sighed and stood up from the table. "There's nothing to talk about."

You grabbed your plate and headed toward the kitchen but Barbara wasn't having it.

She pushed back from the table and followed you in her wheelchair. "That's bull and you know it Y/n!"

Curse your open floor plan. She could follow you anywhere in the apartment and once Barbara had her teeth into something, she refused to let it go.

"Good Lord, what do you want from me, woman?!" You spun around to confront her.

Your plate was tossed onto the counter and the loud noise it made had both Sharon and Florence rush over.

"I want you to admit there's something wrong and talk to us about it!" Barbara countered.

"Fine! There is no cat. I lied so you and Bruce would leave me alone!" you yelled to her face. "I just wanted some time to myself to get this new WIP off the ground and I can't even have that! Is that what you wanted to hear? You treat me like a helicopter mom Barbara! Always checking in like I'm incapable of taking care of myself. Well guess what.."

"That's enough!" Florence swooped in and broke things up before you said something you regretted.

Her mocha colored eyes darted back and forth from her two friends and she quickly became the neutral party to defuse the situation.

"I don't care what's bothering you Y/n but what you're not about to do is take it out on us. Let's all step away for a minute and we'll finish your hair once everyone has calmed down, alright? Cool. Sharon in the hallway. Now."

Barbara wheeled herself out onto the balcony and you used the pretense of cleaning up the dishes to settle down.

Sharon walked into the hallway and waited for her boss. She had an idea what this was about but tried to stay optimistic.

However seeing a furious Florence rounding the corner confirmed her worst fears.

She tried to defend herself but Florence didn't give her a chance. "What you pulled back there was not your place."

"I know and..."

"And since you're well aware that it's none of your business to pry into my client's personal life, I no longer require your assistance. I'll pay you for the services rendered today but after that? You're fired."

You looked up when the front door slammed shut and Florence walked back into the kitchen area looking both relieved and irritated.

"Uh... what was that about?" You asked.

Flo fanned your question away and went to go check on Barbara outside. You just shrugged and continued scrubbing the dishes.

Florence made it to the balcony door and slid it open. She immediately found her friend sitting in front of the railing, looking down at the people on the street.

Barbara heard footsteps approaching and began reciting the apology speech she drafted in her head.

"Lemme stop you right there Red. I don't wanna hear your apologies, I want answers. We both know Y/n. Have you ever seen her get so defensive about her privacy?"

Florence locked eyes with Barbara and they both had the same conclusion.

"She's hiding something big." The redhead sighed.

Florence snorted, "Duh. But she's not coming clean about it so keep your eyes and ears open until we figure out what it is."

Maybe those bat trackers were a good idea after all. Barbara hated invading your privacy but if it kept you safe, she'd do anything.

There were some in the backpack she brought with her today. When she had the chance, she could scatter a few throughout your apartment. What you didn't know wouldn't kill you.

Barbara nodded once and spun her chair around. "C'mon. You got a client to finish."

With that said both females went back inside. Now that it was just the three of you present, the tension in the air died down as well as the buzz from the wine.

Florence went back to wrapping your hair into beautiful faux locs and Barbara parked her wheelchair nearby to watch. She resigned her fate to just being a bystander until you nudged her knee with your foot.

Of course she didn't feel it but she got the message and looked up.

"Hey. I don't like when you're mad at me. Can we make up already?" You pouted your lip and it sparked an idea in Barbara's mind.

She leaned on her armrest. "We can if you let me do your makeup."

You groaned as Florence laughed along with Barbara. Makeup was the last thing you wanted to be bothered with tonight but you'd do anything to repair your friendship with Barbara.

"Fine."

You said nothing but a word. Barbara dug out a silver eyeshadow palette and practically danced in her chair. You unleashed a monster but smiled at the peace restored.

"Okay we're cutting it close Y/n! That was the desk downstairs. Your driver is waiting on you." Florence hung up the phone and went back to her current task.

She was finishing up some last minute touches to your hair while Barbara fastened a bracelet to your wrist. Barbara noticed your hands were shaking but kept her mouth shut.

She did enough talking today to run up your nerves, you didn't need anymore stress. Tonight was going to be fun no matter what.

In the end, you looked stunning. Your two friends turned proud parents, cooed at their hard work.

"Look at her!" one started, "Our baby is all grown up!" The other finished.

You had to agree. The haute couture gown was a vision on you. The light grey chiffon hugged your figure and the dress train accented it even further. If you were short before, clearly you wouldn't be tonight.

Cindy made sure the clear platform heels she bought shot your height up by a few good inches.

You wobbled at first but after test walking around the apartment, you found a rhythm to them. They were very high but necessary so you didn't step on your dress that pooled to the floor.

One of your legs were fully exposed due to the high split in the dress but you flaunted it nonetheless. A blinding bracelet attached to your wrist distracted anyone who stared for too long.

The white gold piece matched the leaf earrings that hung from your ears. You were dripping with elegance and for good reason. The earrings alone cost more than three of your royalties checks combined.

"Don't you think it's a bad idea to wear this out? I look like a robber's dream victim." You stood in front of a mirror that was propped up against the living room wall.

Barbara had started filling up your matching clutch with God knows what. You'd find out later.

She didn't look up as she spoke. "But you agree? That you look like a dream?"

You gave her a side eye. "That's not what I meant.."

"Stop moving." Florence smacked your exposed shoulder making you stop instantly.

"I get it. It feels like prom all over again but I'm trying to pin this braid down so your hair can stay secure all night."

You felt a sharp pain scraping your skull and knew she got the last bobby-pin where she wanted it to be.

"There. All done." Florence stepped back but you dragged her back into a hug. "Thanks Flo."

She just shook her head and hugged you back.

Not one to be ignored Barbara cleared her throat until you crouched down and hugged her too. She handed you the silver clutch sparkling with diamonds, filled to capacity.

"The makeup looks amazing, Barbs. I really appreciate it."

"Thank me when some hot producer signs you on for a movie contract." You gave her another stink eye. "I'm serious! That silver smokey eye just screams, "I'm worth the paperwork." Her and Florence proceeded to crack up.

You had no comment. You glanced at the time and yelped. "Ah! I gotta go, it's a quarter till six! Will you two um..?"

"Clean and lock up on our way out?" Barbara suggested first.

Florence however had other ideas. "Leave this mess for you to come home to? No problem Y/n!"

If you had more time, you would've argued with her but you knew the traffic headed to The Prosperity would be terrible on a Friday night.

You had no other choice but to trust them and head towards the door. You shouted out your thanks to them again and missed their response when the door closed.

You called for the elevator to come pick you up and scrolled through your phone while you waited.

After a few minutes the lift arrived and you rode it all the way down to the main floor where a familiar, at least to you, black sedan was parked outside.

"Sebastian! To what do I owe the pleasure?" You stopped near his back door and he hopped out to open it for you.

"Ah yes, long time no see Miss Y/n! Your manager requested that I be your driver for the evening. Are you ready to depart?"

He always remained professional but couldn't help meeting you halfway for a hug. Too much time had been spent together to not be on friendly terms.

You accepted his hand to help you into the backseat before you buckled in. He did the same and turned off his hazard lights before meeting your eyes in the rear view mirror.

"How's Will doing?"

Sebastian chuckled and signaled to enter the flow of traffic.

"He's doing wonderful all thanks to you. That book community of yours exposed him to socializing with others. He has friends outside of school now and Margaret informed me that he wants to attend your GothCon in a few months with them."

You were happy to hear William was coming out of his shell.

He reminded you so much of yourself growing up, it was safe to say you wanted to spoil the kid rotten. You almost forgot about the upcoming convention with Joker clouding your brain but you could never fully forget about your fans.

"Good to hear. I'll talk to my manager and snag some VIP tickets for him."

Sebastian was at a loss for words. "Miss Y/n, you don't have to do that!"

"I know I don't, that's why I'm doing it." You replied.

You looked out the window as the car crossed over Madison Bridge into Somerset. It would take almost an hour if not more to reach the Coventry district in Burnley.

Why did this venue have to be so far away? Sebastian seemed to hit traffic about halfway into The Bowery. You kept quiet so he could focus on the crazy Gotham drivers on the road.

The rest of the ride was uneventful. At the top of the hour Sebastian pulled into the public entrance at The Prosperity.

"Right on time. How do you do it Sebastian?"

Like they magically knew who was inside the vehicle, a crowd of journalists, paparazzi, and other media outlets huddled behind a rope line began snapping pictures and screaming out questions.

This is what you were dreading tonight.

Sebastian heard your sigh. "Take your time and let me know when you're ready."

You thanked him and took some deep breaths to prepare yourself. Sebastian waited for your word and once he got it, he got out of the car and crossed over to the passenger side to help you out.

His back shielded you from the flashing lights but once you stood on your own two feet, Sebastian let you go.

Remember what Cindy told you Y/n. Chin up, face forward. Don't stop for comments and keep a gentle smile on at all times.

That was your pep talk and it played on repeat in your head from the car, up the stairs, until you entered the building.

And what a sight it was.

The lobby was all golden and ritzy, proudly bearing the name of the place through design. Guests and workers were milling about but one casually walked up to you.

"Miss Y/n? The gala is on the top floor. Right this way." He guided you to the gilded elevator and sent you to the rooftop.

The long ride up gave you jitters but you schooled your features when the lift softly chimed and opened up to a party well in full swing. So much for being on time. It was obvious Cindy lied about the time so you wouldn't be late.

A waiter instantly spotted you and handed you a flute of champagne that you held awkwardly until a savior came along.

"There she is! The woman of the hour! Y/n L/n everyone! Haha, cheers!"

Scratch that. He wasn't a savior.

Thomas J. Ford: Cindy's publishing partner and successful businessman.

You weren't his client but he wanted you to be and probably his romantic partner too with how he acted around you. His loud voice bellowed over the soft jazz music that originated from somewhere in the hall.

The crowd died down and raised their glasses as if your sudden appearance made a difference, and the party 'officially started'.

What did Cindy drag you into?

"Mr. Ford..."

"Aww, Y/n you wound me! No need for stuffy manners between us. You look... I can't say what I want to in public! Maybe I can say it later in private? Anyways! You ready to rub elbows with some movie moguls?"

He didn't give you a chance to be put off by his inappropriate words before he grabbed your arm and led you around the room.

It was going to be a long night.

Halfway through, you managed to shake Thomas loose and finally got to breathe. You didn't trust a single person in the room and opted from drinking any of the offered glasses that flowed freely.

It seemed to make everyone a little too intrigued in your petition for a movie. Maybe you were being paranoid or perhaps your books were just that good.

Either way, you felt like someone was watching you and it kept you hyper vigilant of everything you did. The feeling got so unbearable you visibly jumped when someone tapped on your arm.

"Sorry! I really should have said hi before approaching you. Are you okay Y/n?"

She never broke eye contact as you calmed your beating heart. "Yeah.. no worries. Uh, who are you?"

"My name is Sapphire. I'm an intern under Miss. Cindy. She wanted me to keep tabs on you tonight."

You nodded slowly. "She mentioned that. Didn't know she was serious about it though."

Sapphire flicked her light blue hair off her shoulder and laughed. You could tell it was freshly dyed for tonight. You didn't want to openly stare but she stood out amongst the opulence because of it even if her dress was designer.

The string of real diamonds on her neck and waist was a good attempt at blending in while displaying her personality.

"So– how long is your internship for?"

She didn't hear your question since a reporter barged up to you trying to start an interview.

"Any and all questions you have for Miss L/n can be directed to our office first thing in the morning. No further comment. Thank you."

Sapphire handled the situation like a pro while you cowered and used the distraction to get away.

You felt a panic attack coming from being surrounded by so many people that you didn't see the lady you bumped into while trying to run.

"Oh my. I'm terribly sorry. Did I spill any Perignon on you dear?"

She patted your gown for any wet spots and looked up. "Miss Y/n. Are you alright? You seem a bit frazzled."

You exhaled, waving your arms frantically. "I'm fine thank you."

She kept staring at you making you feel paranoid. "Is the party getting too much for you? Mr. Wayne wanted us to attend but I'd rather be at home watching tv so I get it."

"Mr. Wayne? I'm sorry..." She threw you off guard with the name drop.

"The one and only." She took a sip of her champagne and moved you towards the wall and out of the stuffy crowd.

"He wanted as many of his employees to attend tonight's gala as possible. He loves your work by the way."

You silently thanked her for relocating you. You could finally breathe and so you had the energy to engage in her conversation.

"I know. I had the pleasure of discussing it with him." You sighed out.

She turned to you, smiling wide. "That's splendid! He encouraged us all to read your most recent trilogy and I have to say, many of us would love to see it adapted onto the big screen. It gained so much traction in the department, a company wide poll was taken to get his approval."

"Uh thanks but approval for what?"

"To fund a future production of course!" She turned to people watch and you were left staring at her sharp profile and her Malaga colored lipstick.

In between deep breaths you spoke your thoughts aloud. "I didn't know Mr. Wayne had business in film."

"You'll be surprised what all he dabbles in." You made a face at her words and she backtracked.

Her left hand rested gently on your wrist gaining your attention.

"Please don't take it that way. I'm no talent scout, I'm actually here with my husband off the clock but hang on." She handed you her glass so she could dig around in her bag.

She fished out a card and held it in between her index and middle finger.

"Here's our department's info. Give us a call when you're ready to negotiate." You stared at the pre-offered card.

Polly Truman | Production Secretary

The card was made of heavy card stock and slate grey, just like Barbara mentioned all those months ago when she thought Bruce gave you his business card.

You flipped the card over and saw the famous Wayne logo embossed in glossy finish against the matte card. It was legit.

"Wow... uh thanks. I-I think I will. Thank you for this." You thanked her again and she left with a head tilt, uttering a feel better under her breath.

So she knew about your panic attack. It was kind of her to subtly calm you down while presenting a movie proposal at the same time. And she said she wasn't a talent scout.

You watched her walk over to an attractive blonde male and kiss him on the cheek.

He didn't look familiar from this far away but Cindy explained that the guest list only included big shots for you to propose.

Polly could be the invited guest and just brought her husband along as a plus one. You didn't know. It didn't matter. You were optimistic about securing a possible movie contract without having to flaunt your assets like Cindy had suggested.

Things were looking up until a magazine clip of bullets was unloaded into the gala ceiling.

You and just about everyone in attendance screamed and/or jumped. Just like that the joyful air in the hall was squandered.

A gang of men walked in carrying armed weapons, ready to stir up trouble.

They would have passed the event's dress code if their suits weren't burned down the middle. Also the burnt masks they wore was a dead giveaway as to who these men reported to.

Why didn't you notice the signs?

The media aired it on practically every station, every hour. One news reel stuck out the most and its coverage ran on loop in your terrified mind.

'GCPD authorities have seen a rise in Two Face gang activity over the past few days as we prepare for this four day weekend. They advise to stay vigilant as the ongoing curfew remains in effect on the hunt for The Joker..'

You were so fixated on Joker that you forgot the city had a handful of insane criminals on standby to wreak havoc in his absence. And Harvey Dent was the last person you wanted to see. He put you on blast for your 'controversial' book series numerous times.

Something about demanding justice for the book's murderers, not understanding the reader themselves were the catalyst and the reason why each character died.

He preached about how they needed to be punished and given a fair trial... blah blah the man was insane!

What part of the 'This is a work of fiction' disclaimer at the beginning of each book, did he not understand?

You didn't think he was serious about his quest for justice, but as his goons parted the terrified crowd like the Red Sea, you knew he took this personally.

The split personality burn victim walked into the gala with the former swagger his true identity, Harvey Dent used to carry.

You had a view of his good side but knew his sicker mental state would triumph in his decision making.

"Good evening everyone. We're sorry to barge in unannounced, truly. We're just looking for Y/n L/n. We need to have a.. little chit chat."

Of course Harvey spoke first. With Two Face, his good side always showed up first.

The room was so quiet you could hear someone cough. No one dared to speak and anger the schizophrenic but it was inevitable.

The former politician's patience grew thin and with it gone, his Two Face persona appeared. The transition was so fluid no one was prepared.

"Oh? Did we crash the wrong party?" He turned to a board member of Panessa Studios and without hesitation, shot him at point blank range.

It caused instant pandemonium. People screamed and scattered like rats.

"Don't let anyone leave until we find her!" Two Face ordered his men.

They dispersed into the crowd, some just shoving people out of the way, the more mentally disturbed however took to their guns and shot people down as they saw fit.

The senseless violence had you frozen in place, jaw slack, and speechless.

Your feet felt like lead and your previous panic attack was back and worse than before. Someone to your left spotted you and was about to rat you out when you were snatched out of their sight.

Your eyes followed the arm dragging you through the crowd and recognized the intern from before.

Powder blue hair styled into an effortless waves with a diamond waist chain dress. Old Hollywood with a modern twist. Sapphire was her name you thought offhandedly.

"C'mon!! We have to get you outta here!" She pulled you towards one of the venue exits when more gunfire rang out far too close for comfort.

Pure instinct had you covering your head and dropping down low. The Blüdhaven girl in you knew what to do in these situations.

Sapphire wasn't phased and remained standing but turned around to scold you. "Y/n let's go!" She shouted over the chaos.

Big mistake.

"OVER HERE!" You heard over screams and mass commotion.

Sapphire bent down to help you up, not realizing her fate until it was too late. Neither of you heard the exact gunshot but the blood splatter that sprayed your face informed you it hit its mark.

You opened your eyes and saw Sapphire's body fall to the ground, motionless.

Standing behind her was her murderer, one of Two Faces' goons. He smiled and began to approach you when he too met the same fate as poor Sapphire. This time you heard the shot go off since the barrel was pointed directly over your shoulder.

It left your eardrums ringing and sent your heart on a nosedive straight to your stomach. You were shaking like a leaf but you snapped your e/c to its owner.

Another finely dressed male, obviously not one of Dent's men if his fashionable toffee colored suit was an indicator.

His eyes were cold, distant. This wasn't his first kill and he didn't miss a beat in dragging you closer to the door.

"Let's go." It wasn't a request. It was an order.

In your panic you didn't protest until he led you out of the grand hall. More people were running out of the venue this way creating a large, uncontrollable crowd that jump started your brain back into working mode.

"No, let me go! I—"

You were getting tired of the constant screaming as more automatic gunfire rang out and instantly dwindled the crowd.

Your mystery rescuer returned fire and took out quite a few men before practically throwing you over his shoulder. You heard your dress rip, but that was the least of your concerns.

"Put me down!"

He responded in kind by shaking you roughly.

"Listen lady! I'm here to protect you unless you actually want to talk with Dent!" He kicked a stairwell door open and barely made it inside before shots tore through the door.

His words made you stop hitting his back but you were still wary about trusting him.

"All those people are being killed because of me! I have to do something!" You thought you could plead a pity case to make him consider but failed.

"I don't care. I'm following orders. Keeping you safe is the only objective." He barked out.

He began running down the flights of stairs with you in tow and it did absolutely nothing good for your vertigo. And he made it look like a breeze.

Although it made you wonder why no one else was in the stairwell. Weren't people trying to escape? Surely they weren't that dumb and waited for the elevators like sitting ducks?

Regardless of their fate, your savior kicked a back door open and you noticed he emerged from a service exit and out onto the back alleyway of The Prosperity.

He wasted no time and ran towards an unmarked van where your heart dropped even further to your feet.

"Hey hey hey! Where are you taking me?! Whose orders are you following?!" No one you knew would have you treated like this.

It was turning out to be a kidnapping rather than a rescue. Not today Satan, you thought.

With some hidden strength you bucked your weight, throwing the guy off balance. He struggled a bit with you fighting back, but managed to slide the van door open and throw you in.

The metal lining was cold on your skin and somehow during the mayhem you twisted your ankle. Yet you shot up ready to fight your way out when he finally responded to your question.

"My Boss's orders."

He slammed the door shut on your bewildered face.

Your head was spinning trying to figure out who that was. You didn't hear him peel out of the alleyway on two wheels or overhear his frantic phone call to his unknown employer.

The only thought on your mind was, who was his boss?  There were too many possibilities. This was Gotham after all.

A sharp turn had you colliding headfirst into the van's wall. You cried out in pain but it was drowned out by approaching tires and another shootout.

This was maddening!

Bullet holes riddled the lining of the van but thankfully they didn't come through and hit you. Maybe this guy was serious about protecting you. Your throbbing head said otherwise.

You applauded both his driving skills and the fact that he was multitasking in returning fire but there were no windows to see if he was winning or not. You were too dizzy to watch anyway.

The gunfire trickled to a stop and the van made several more sharp turns before straightening back out.

During one turn, you and your clutch slid on the floor, the latter gaining your attention.

Somehow the strap was still intact and didn't come loose. You didn't remember putting it on yet your Blüdhaven instincts were alive and kicking. It's what kept you alive so far.

Then everything was calm for what felt like hours.

You decided it was time to establish communication. "Hello?! Can you hear me? Where are we going?"

You hit the wall closest to the front seats with your fists until you ran out of energy.

If he did hear you, he chose not to reply so you sat in anticipation waiting for the van to fully stop. You were still running on adrenaline. You could still fight. When you felt the van come to a halt, you were a ball of nerves lying in wait. You had nothing to fight back with if the guy turned out to be a killer but you would go down swinging.

It felt like ages ago you were thinking about accepting Polly's offer before a psychotic former district attorney and his band of thugs started shooting up the place.

Did Polly and her husband make it out alive? You knew for a fact Sapphire was dead. The loss of life left a bitter taste in your mouth. A young girl with so much potential in life, gone. One minute you were talking to her and the next? Her blood was on your face.

You weren't expecting this to happen tonight. No wonder you were so nervous all day.

Maybe your subconscious knew what would happen and tried to warn you. All you knew was that innocent people were dead all because you wanted a movie contract.

It made you feel awful.

The door abruptly slid open, stealing your attention. Your captor stood in silence before he lifted up a brown linen bag. It was the kind you saw on tv that resembled potato sacks criminals put over their victim's heads and oh.... you knew what came next.

He approached you slowly.

"Don't you... dare!" You scooted as far back as you could but he was faster and dragged you forward by your clear high heels. "No!!" And your flight or fight instincts kicked in. Literally.

"Quit kickin' me!" He spat out.

He was quick to overpower you and corral the sack over your head, plunging you into darkness. But it didn't stop you from resisting his hold.

From here on out, you couldn't see a thing. He forcibly dragged you out of the van and once again hefted you over his shoulder, making you feel like a sack of potatoes. The irony was not lost to you. The bag over your head matched.

You screamed out as loud as you could and fought his hold but focused your remaining senses to remember or pinpoint your whereabouts.

The drive was long and you were in and out of consciousness during most of it. You heard waves so you were close to a body of water. Gotham was a cluster of islands so you used your nose instead. It wasn't briny or reeked of chemicals. That ruled out Gotham City's Port Adam and Dixon docks.

It was cold on your bare arms and somewhere during the walk the temperature drastically changed. Outside to inside, you didn't feel your captor hold a door open or walk up or down any stairs.

Wherever he took you was not anywhere you could determine based on your natural senses. You heard a new voice grant your captor access further inside. Not like he needed help, the guy holding you didn't break his stride once.

The new voice whistled and cat-called as you passed and laughed at you when you began to protest. "Easy.. easy." He said.

The guy holding you just sighed at the distraction but kept walking down seven steps, (you counted) until he came to a halt. He knocked on something, an old door judging by the creaking hinges it made as it opened. So this place was old. You remembered that useless fact for later.

He didn't walk far inside the room when he placed you back on your feet. Hands steadied you when you wobbled in your heels but a new voice rang out that made you stiffen up.

"You can go. I got her."

You thought you'd never hear his voice again. A part of you didn't want to believe this was real.

When the brown sack was removed from your head, you finally got to see the familiar face that haunted your mind and tormented your heart.

"J-Joker?"

He was seated at a table within the room but stood up to approach you slowly.

His clown makeup was fresh and he looked far more at ease than he ever did while at your apartment. His entire demeanor was different too. Dark, menacing, and heavy with unpredictable energy wafting off of him.

You were genuinely terrified of him. Joker was in his element here and he dominated the room with his dangerous aura. You didn't expect to ever see him again by the way you two yelled at each other last night.

Even though he said don't wait up, something about the way Joker left made you believe he wasn't returning. Despite all of that, Joker acted like nothing happened.

"Well you look like crap."

It took your brain a second too long to process his words but when they did, you exploded like a bottle rocket.

"T-That's how you greet me!? You disappear WITHOUT a trace and have me freaking kidnapped.."

"AhhttT. Rescued." Joker butted in to correct you. You glared daggers at him and kept ranting.

"And all you can say is look like crap?! I saw a teenager get shot in front of me! They.. they just barged in and st-started.."

Joker saw the exact moment when your anger shifted into sheer terror, reminiscing.

"Dent wanted me and.. and your henchman was in the right place at the right time. If he wasn't there, I don't know.. Wait. He protected me. You sent him to protect me didn't you? You knew?!"

Joker panicked when he saw you cry.

He feared absolutely nothing but when tears fell from your beautiful eyes, it terrified him like nothing else. He couldn't stand to see them. He feared them. He... feared you.

You had such a powerful hold on him it fascinated and troubled him.

"That's what your phone call was about that day. I was the target! You assigned your henchman to protect me. You knew! You knew and you still let this happen!"

You didn't know when Joker moved closer to you and quite honestly, you didn't care. "Hush bunny."

The dam broke after hearing that stupid but endearing nickname Joker gave you. He was quick to swoop in and hold you as you cried. You felt so small in his arms, your head barely reached his even with the sky high heels you wore.

Finally.. Joker had you in his arms and he refused to let you go.

Your body was cold with fear so Joker held you tighter to try and transfer his body heat to you. It was the best hug you could ever ask for in a situation like this.

Joker was floating on cloud nine. He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled the various products used to make it look so beautiful.

Even after your entire ordeal, the meticulous braids stayed in place and looked intricate and pretty. He wished he could have seen you beforehand. Your dress was ripped and it had blood all over it, but you still looked stunning in his eyes.

The grey material hugged all of your curves that he finally got to feel flush with his own body. You were so soft and gentle. Like a cherub he needed to cherish and never put in harm's way. Tonight's events were confirmation that he made a grave mistake in leaving you.

It took seeing the folly of his actions to realize what he had.

Joker never wanted to hurt you, it was always just an accident. You suffered his anger and paid the price countless times, but you still smiled for him. You were an innocent bunny in his eyes, hence the nickname you hated, and he could have prevented tonight's incident with just one order.

Joker had ample amount of manpower in the building to stop Two Face since his own men were already there to raid the party. But in the end his priority became you. It always was, Joker just lost sight of that fact.

Instead of proceeding with his original plans for the gala, Joker ordered Frost to get you out while the rest of his men stalled and returned gunfire with Two Face's goons.

GCPD will rule it a gang turf war and a senseless loss of life but Joker saw it all as a means to protect you.

Unfortunately there will be some lasting damage caused by tonight's actions but he would fix those problems as they arise.

Right now he had a hysterical girl in his arms. You weren't making any sense trying to apologize to him when in reality he was in the wrong.

Joker rarely apologized yet today seemed to be a first for everything.

"Just.. shut up Y/n and let me talk. I uh, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was... I didn't have to say those things but I did. I keep causing you pain but it's not my intention.. I swearrr." Joker stressed his syllables and this time, it was because he was nervous.

You shook your head, still wrapped up in his embrace and looked up into vivid green. Your e/c orbs were like crystals gazing at him, blinking back tears.

"I'm the one who's sorry. I told you to leave when that's not true! I-I don't want you to leave.." You clung to his suit jacket, making wrinkles in the custom made material. You doubt Joker minded.

He was too caught up processing your words "I uh.. I won't leave." He wiped your tears and some of the blood from your face with his thumb.

A face like yours shouldn't be dirty, he thought.

Your breath caught in your throat like a hiccup. "P-Promise me you won't leave me again. I can't do this if you–"

He watched you suffer long enough.

Joker silenced any further words from your mouth with a long overdue kiss. It pleaded for forgiveness and was fueled by the growing tension festering between the two of you since the day you met.

Your hands found purchase in Joker's green tinted locks and you refuse to let go. Not that he minded. He was teleported to another dimension.

He finally got to kiss you and by the gods you were worth the wait.

Joker didn't consider himself a religious man but he prayed to any higher being available to stop time so he could savor you just a little while longer.

Exquisite and absolutely divine; you were his newfound drug.

He picked up the saltiness from your tears but your plump lips were ripe and moved with the sole purpose of driving him sane.

Every fiber of your being was poured out into this kiss and Joker was greedy enough to consume it all. He couldn't stop even if you begged him to. He wanted everything you had to give yet he knew you needed air.

A string of saliva kept you both connected until it broke off midair. You were panting and high off the feeling of Joker yet it wasn't enough.

Your lips desperately sought his again with a broken whine. Joker knew what you wanted and playfully tugged your bottom lip in between his teeth to deny you even longer.

Joker was enjoying this too much. Your moan tipped the stakes and it almost provoked his inner demon, but he held himself back. You didn't need that right now.

Joker stole one last kiss before resting his forehead on yours.

His voice was raw with passion, lowering it to a decibel that sent molten lava straight to your core.

"Shhhh.. I won't leave you again, bunny. I hmm.." Joker licked his lips and you kissed his jaw as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I won't, Y/n. I promise."

His words didn't falter and it was all the proof you needed to know that Joker was telling the truth.

You felt it in the way his hands shook on your waist and by how his breath was labored and tickled the un-gelled baby hairs on your forehead.

You had his word sealed in your heart and it was so surreal.

It left you feeling exposed and far too vulnerable in this random room. You didn't know where you were, except that you were in the comfort of Joker's arms.

It was the only place you knew that you were truly safe.

It sounded bizarre for the same man who caused you so much pain and who could have prevented the events you experienced today, to bring you comfort.

Today was so hectic. You'd been nonstop since early this morning.

Arguing with Barbara and Florence to your traumatic and stressful experience with Two Face. There was so much to unpack and not enough time to do it.

There was a growing pressure on your eyelids although you tried to fight the urge to stay awake. You wanted to stay forever wrapped up in this dangerous web with Joker.

He clung to you just as fiercely despite you weaving your silky spell further around his heart.

"Don't.. leave.. me." Your slurred speech made Joker pull back to eye you with concern.

You thought he was letting go and began to cry until his deep coo entered your ears. "I can't uh... your grip is too tight."

You didn't hear him fully but nodded listlessly nonetheless. Joker had mere seconds to adjust his hold on you when you suddenly fainted.

Despite today's circumstances, he wouldn't change a thing if the outcome kept you in his arms. Call him selfish, heartless- whatever. He waited long enough to kiss you and now that he had a taste, he couldn't leave.

Joker was addicted. For once he was grateful to be a man of his word and that you believed him.

He promised you he wouldn't leave and he vowed right then and there- not even Batman himself could tear you out of Joker's arms.

[joycrispy]

Y’know what? Instead of a prediction post, I want to make an appreciation post.

So, in no particular order, here are the things I PERSONALLY love best about each player at the Critical Role table.

Sam -- Sam’s ability and willingness to GO THERE. He takes creative risks, in the sense that he well and truly lets the dice get final say, but also in being true to his character in ways he MUST know will be controversial. Scanlan chewing everyone out and leaving the party was ballsy as hell; it is also, now, one of the most iconic moments in CR1. And Veth was such a dark, complex, rich character because she was allowed to be a woman who wasn’t always aspirational; her feelings were allowed to be selfish, allowed to be messy, allowed to be gross. He is absolutely fearless as a storyteller, and we get some of the best plotlines for it.

Laura -- Everyone knows what I’m going to say here, because everyone and their dog has sung this particular praise for Laura Bailey already, but; the woman is a MASTER of improv. To use Travis’ wording, she catches the ball and throws it back harder and better than anyone else at that table. A lot of the time it’s hilarious. Some of the time it’s heartbreaking. All of the time it adds something so lively and dynamic that I actually can’t watch dnd shows that don’t have a bit of this quality. They need at least a fraction of what Laura brings in spades, to be worth the time. Like. It’s amazing that she can just do that. (also I’m going to miss Jester so much I can’t stand it).

Travis -- Travis is a. TEAM. PLAYER. In-game and out, and you know what? THAT’S IMPORTANT. He goes out of his way to make sure everyone is getting their moment in the spotlight, and even beyond that, he keeps things calm on the game side of things. It was SO SWEET in the M9 finale when he told everyone else to take their time, to not get overwhelmed, because the stakes were so high and they were starting to freak out. Not Travis. He was their rock. He is always their rock.

Ashley -- Ashley is go-hard-or-go-home for the aesthetic of her characters, which is GREAT because her particular sense of the beautiful is unusually rich. Yasha and Fearne were both such a careful balancing of elements to achieve particular (and distinct!) effects, but she threads that needle with such precision. Complete control and poise. But then also she busts out hot nonsense like “I smell like a crayon” and somehow it doesn’t contradict any of the rest of it. That is some impressive character-work.

Liam -- Have you ever noticed that, almost no matter what game they’re playing or who the other players are, Liam will always construct his characters in relation to another? The sibling relationship with Vex. The best-friendship with Nott. Hell, even in the Darrington Brigade or Honey Heist, he did this -- when he was Macaroni’s “Buddy,” or when he and Taliesin played a pair of brother bears. It’s a great instinct to have; it gets us some more complex social scenes right out of the box, it’s free motivation for everyone involved, and it’s a way of reaching out to one of your friends to play together all in one. I love it. (can’t wait to see who he’s picked out to be his buddy this go around :3)

Taliesin -- Oh, boy, Taliesin is a man after my own heart. He approaches this game with a writer’s sensibility, you can tell from the quality of the dialogue that just drops out of his mouth sometimes, but that’s not my favorite thing. My favorite thing is how generous a player he really is. He is on the lookout not just for his own character beats and moments, but everyone else’s too, and he is always willing to give up looking cool or competent if it would be more meaningful/story-rich for someone else. THIS IS A QUALITY EVERYONE SHOULD EMULATE, IMO. DND is a collaborative storytelling game, not a competition to make the bestest most awesome guy ever, and you can tell he’s really internalized this fact. Also. He said he made Cad to be an OP healer specifically so that everyone else could still have fun and not be gun-shy after what happened to Molly. A little ‘don’t worry, it’s going to be all right’ but in the form of his entire character. That’s...that’s so good you guys. Dang.

Marisha -- On a really bone-deep level, Marisha clearly understands her characters and why they are the way they are, and then she takes that understanding and just lets it go wild. Her roleplay feels GENUINE in a really rare and wonderful way --it’s easy to watch her play Beau and forget that that’s not actually Marisha’s speaking voice, not actually Marisha’s body language...until you turn on CR1 and witness firsthand how she embodies Keyleth so completely differently. Like...Gif of Patrick Stewart saying ‘acting.’ She’s amazing.

And Matt probably would need a whole post to himself lmao. Feel free to reblog with additions about him or anyone else.

[nightskywonderer]

Superman & Wonder Woman: Being True

There seems to be this notion that when Superman and Wonder Woman are together, they see themselves as above humans or they lose their humanity is utter bullshit. There has been zero evidence of this in canon comics. Using goofy alternate shit like Injustice doesn’t make the argument either.

It was also said that they bring out uncomfortableness. Why? Because it’s acknowledged that they are different and not conforming to what’s acceptable as the norm? Well so be it. In the real world, no one lives for someone else’s comfort. You can miss me with that selfish entitled bullshit.

There are claims Superman and Wonder Woman needing to be anchored to human love interests to be relatable or lower themselves to be “normal”. No, no, hell, no. Lois Lane and Steve Trevor are not why Clark and Diana are the heroes they are. Clark and Diana were heroes, had their purpose way before them. Lois and Steve aren’t and should never be their motivation to do what’s right and what they were meant to do and be. Clark and Diana are far more “human” than any normal human any damn way. They selflessly make shit ton of sacrifices without any hesitation. What they do as individuals or a couple is on extraordinary levels and there’s nothing wrong with that. Flying across the skies like free birds is such a beautiful thing. Trying to cage these birds, ground and limit them is unnecessary and a shame.

As best friends with unresolved, underlying feelings or the Power Couple, it has always been established, their duty as heroes come first. They have been each other’s moral compasses, written to have complexed conversations about their purposes, the view of the world, open to each other about their deepest feelings etc.

To reiterate this again, Kal-El is from a different planet entirely. He is an alien. He may look human in appearance but he is not. He was raised to pretend to be normal but he is not normal. Yes, the Kents raised him with good morals and values but that sure as hell does not mean, he had to grow up to reject his heritage, and keep pretending to fit in and the mental gymnastics. Pre-Crisis and New52 Superman understood this assignment. Post crisis Superman, not so much. Superman was once the Champion of the Oppressed. He was to aspire and lead to better. To make a difference in a world of corruption. What happened to that? Now he is just stagnant, stuck in a comfort zone of pretending, romanticizing lies and being unethical at times. Protector of an outdated view and status quo. As well the obnoxious problematic depiction from the beginning of Rebirth of perfect privileged spoon-fed all American family that basically screwed up DC continuity even more so to force it as the “truth” or “real”. Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent should be one in the same. Not choosing one over the other as one is fake/disguise. Ironically, in the animated adaption of “Throne of Atlantis”, Clark himself said to not be “one of them, but to blend in.” This was before the asspulled contrived asinine 180 of his character for Death of Superman adaption.

Diana of Themyscira is a Princess from a secluded island that was separated from man’s world for its chaotic bullshit. Yet, she wanted to explore the world, learn and teach, bring peace and people together. She celebrates life and love, stands for truth with one self and others. Motivate and fight for equality and the protection of women and children. Majority of Diana’s iterations have been consistent with this attitude. Except rebirth, who had to be thrown into a mental institution and losing herself because spiteful writer’s bias. You really expect me to believe homegirl was living a lie and in some kind of illusion within her mind or whatever for 10 years? LOL no. Although, she is a DemiGoddess, Diana is still very much an earth woman. And I mean that literally if we go with the clay origin.

What I loved about new52 Superman was his motivation to be Superman was the PEOPLE

Diana is the Goddess of Truth after all. To hide who you are, what you love and enjoy is a disservice to oneself.

The two together bring something unique and challenging. They have their similarities and differences that compliment.

But they don’t change who they are for one or the other. They learn from each other, accept even more of each other, and grow together as a couple.

In this day and age, we celebrate what makes us stand out and be our unique selves. Superman and Wonder Woman are suppose to THE epitome of this!

[chaeinedup]

WEi members as your boyfriend

Daehyeon:

He’s very very sweet;

He’s also very supportive so not only he’s gonna back you up in everything you want to do he’s also going to motivate you to do even more;

I think that if you’re the type of person to like being taken care of than he’s perfect for you;

It’s not like he’s going to baby you (at least not always) he’s very straight forward and as much as he loves you he will always be as authentic to himself as possible;

His love languages are quality time and physical touch im pretty sure;

So i think he’d invite you over a lot and try to fit you in his routine as best as he can;

He can be a cheesy man too, expect some romantic dates like stargazing.

Donghan:

He is the epitome of dating your best friend;

New game dropped, he’s going to ask you to play with him. New movie came out, clear your schedule on the day of the first screening;

Donghan makes a relationship feel casual and effortless but also very special;

He doesn’t hold back in telling you or showing you how much he loves you;

There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you;

He’s also a great safe place for when you’re feeling more emotional and sensitive he’s going to do his best to comfort you;

The ammount of trust and love within the relationship, it would make others envious!!!

Yongha:

You know those people that want or aspire to marry their first love?

Yeah that’s kinda how I view Yongha;

He takes pride in being like that, just the thought of having someone he loves that much for as long as he’s alive there’s something very meaningful and special about it;

So you you really don’t need to worry, he’s going to go above and beyond so you always feel like a princess;

He really is what we call a simp, he’s going to buy you flowers, make dinner on the days you don’t have time to or just because he wants to surprise you, calls you a lot to check on you;

If he knows you’re not feeling well and he’s not able to take care of you physically he’s still going to order food for you so you don’t skip meals.

Sweet sweet yongha <3

Yohan:

Prepare to be teased for eternity;

He’s the typical “annoys you cause he thinks you’re cute when mad” kind of guy;

So every opportunity he gets he’s making the most out of it;

If you do get overly annoyed and you give signs of any discomfort he might just jump on top of you and shower you with kisses while saying “you can’t resist me”, “i have such a cute s/o”;

He will give you a lot of headaches but the good kind;

He’s going to ask you if you ate, what you ate, at what time, with who, where and if it was good;

This is his way of caring and taking care of you at the same time;

And of course because shoes always come in 2, yohan comes with a little of possessiveness on the side;

Seokhwa:

As much as people don’t perceive him this way, he is amazing at making hearts flutter;

And he doesn’t even need to try;

I truly believe this boy has natural charm to him;

There’s going to be random times he’s going to catch you by surprise and make you blush;

He’s also a very fun, spontaneous and adventurous person so if one day he wakes you up and tells you he booked a flight for both of you to go to paris next week, don’t be surprised;

Travelling together is probably something he really likes;

He’s not only gaining knowledge and having fun but he’s also expiriencing all of that with the person he loves most.

Junseo:

Truly a gentleman;

He’s the perfect ammount of shy and bold;

That makes your heart skip beats, run laps and probably do some accrobatics;

He’s going to open doors for you, help you get up if you trip, become your personal photographer, surprise you at work or school, etc;

He’s always going to find ways to make you fall harder;

I truly believe it would be the “he fell first but you feel harder” dynamic;

He’s very caring and won’t hesitate in showing it physically;

Not the biggest fan of too much PDA but trust you’ll never feel unloved as long as you’re with him.

masterlist

[imagines-mha]

⭒ haikyuu x exam season ⭒

Daichi- when i say he is the MOODIEST person when studying. It’s all fun and games until you interrupt him one too many times and he fucking explodes. Needs 2 chill

Suga- his goal in life is to be an aesthetic studyblr like this man will go and get iced coffee, order the prettiest stationary and then spend 20 minutes organising it for his instagram. As for ACTUALLY studying? He’s amazing at it. Literally the person we all aspire to be

Asahi- anxiety crams before tests. He does more than like 70% of his classmates but is always convinced he’s fallen behind on everything. Cries a LOT when he doesnt understand smth

Noya- another one who cries only he does it SO easily. Personally victimised by anything past question 1. Gets literally everyone to do his work for him

Tanaka- tries so hard he really really does. His handwriting is a mess and his notes look like something a 7 year old would do. Gets everything wrong but doesnt let it stop him

Ennoshita- did someone say pretentious straight A student??? Offers to help his friends just so he can flex his pretty notes and intelligence. Seems like he has everything under control but really? He cries like once a night in the lead up to exams

Kageyama- he doesnt have any room for anything in his head that isnt volleyball. Hes hopeless

Hinata- LACKS COMMON SENSE SO BAD. He’ll finally understand EVERYTHING but write the answer in the wrong place or leave out a decimal place in the exam. Stupidest mistakes

Tsukishima- he sticks to a study schedule like what? Who tf sticks to a schedule? Doesnt like to flaunt his grades around anyone who isnt hinata and kageyama, but akiteru and his mom are 100% the type to post his grades all over facebook like “so proud of my son !!!!!!”

Yamaguchi- the king of saying he hasn’t done much for exams, but then stays up every night til 2am studying. He HATES people having any expectations of him so keeps all his preparation secret lmao.

Kuroo- hes smart and he flaunts it so bad. 100% a teacher's pet, especially for science. Around exam season he lives in the library. Motivates kenma to study with him too tho hes so supportive

Kenma- hes naturally smart, which is like 70% of the reason his grades are good bc he does NOT study. Leaves it all to the night before/ when hes with his friends in the library but other than that nope he doesnt have energy

Lev- doesn't fully register he’s taking a test until he’s 3 questions in and hasn’t written a single word. Then he starts panicking.

Bokuto- he goes through the 5 stages of grief every single time he has to study. Gets frustrated as hell when he cant understand something, gets distracted by everything, a mess. Always leads to him slamming his textbook shut and sulking for an hour

Akaashi- the only one in fukurodani who actually spreads his studying out over the year so he doesnt have to cram. He has pretty notes and diagrams but still gets so stressed smh

Konoha- “yeah ill study in ten minutes” *cue him 6 hours later only starting* studies mostly at night and doesnt care about grades , yet still manages to score really good on every test

Oikawa- if this man is anything he’s dedicated. Actually finds balance between volleyball and studying when exam season’s in full swing, but that doesnt mean he still doesnt overwork himself. Surviving on 40 minutes of sleep and coffee lmao

Mattsun- doesn’t take school seriously at all. Hes like “who cares im gonna die one day” “if i dont know it now ill never know it”. So fucking chill

Makki- tries to be like issei so bad but it fails every time. He’s like “yeah who cares about biology anyway lmao”. He is a liar. He cried for 2 hours over biology last night smh. Biology is actually his number one care.

Iwa- naturally smart and follows a routine. The only healthy studier in seijoh tbh. Motivates his friends so much though hes the only reason mattsun and makki pass smh

Ushijima- sounds pretentious but he doesnt mean it. The worst person to study with because hes so naturally smart and makes everyone feel stupid. Hes like “how do you not understand this? Its easy?”

Tendou- hes so average when it comes to studying i cant even explain it. He goes home and studies, has dinner, watches some anime and studies a little more, then just goes to bed? Never overly concerned about it but hes the best for calming nerves. Makes you really believe things will be okay

Goshiki- CHRONIC WORRIER OH MY GOD. definitely gets the shakes before an exam and almost has a fuckin panic attack every single time, never feels prepared but he really is. Needs tendou for emotional support

Atsumu- too confident in his abilities lmao. He’s like “yeah ive got this i totally know it” then acts shocked and appalled when he fails. Thinks he’s the main character, therefore he HAS to pass. He’s not. And he never learns.

Osamu- the slightly smarter twin yet still not exceptional in any way. Doesnt really care about grades, he knows there’s more to life but still studies enough to pass

Kita- hello mr “whats a failing grade”. Never stresses and never fails. Actually the top of his class in basically everything. Manages to study and still find time for hobbies.

Aone- i am convinced a hug from him would get me through exam season every single year. Another person who just? Doesnt stress? Follows a routine and doesnt mind if he doesnt know something in the test. wow

Futakuchi- “i dont care about exams at all fuck them” *gets 53% and cries*. He doesnt have the patience to study and feels betrayed when all his friends actually do the work

Koganegawa- hes like hinata only he actually passes most of the time. Works SO hard and gets so happy when it pays off!! Always treats himself to mcdonalds after an exam thats self love babie

Terushima- you need to be cautious around this man. He’ll spend every night of exam season partying and ignoring any responsibility, yet still come out with 100% in everything. Where does he find the time? How does that work? What the fuck?

[irenedubrovna]

A post regarding Euphoria for the benefit of myself and basically no one else

So, it really bothers me when people say Euphoria is groundbreaking, progressive media. Here’s a dissection of why I don’t think it is, because this is what I feel like doing at work:

The character of Rue is objectively great. She by far receives the least overt sexualization, and is treated neutrally in terms of active sexuality. She’s treated like a normal teenage girl with mental issues and an addiction to drugs. She falls in love with a girl who she pines for and places on a pedestal. The reason I think she is written this way is because she is a Sam Levinson proxy. She written with gender ambiguity and with little regard to the experiences she’d go through as a black gay female, probably because Sam Levinson has no insight to that aspect of life. Her performance is heightened of course by Zendaya, who breathes unique life to the Sam Levinson’s artistic extension, and without her performance this show would not get even half the acclaim it gets. Attribute that to Zendaya of course, because the director has done little to deserve this acclaim.

The rest of the females, sans Lexi, are pornified to a disgusting extent, not only due to the fact that they are supposed to be underage, but also because their existence as people is treated as being absolutely secondary to their sexual appeal. They are foremost presented in terms of their relation to sex. Cassie, Maddy, Jules, and Kat cannot be removed from their sexuality without disrupting the plot or their journeys in relation to the plot. Why are the females so intrinsically linked to uber fetishized versions of female sexuality, or uber fetishized versions of blossoming female sexual identity?

Maddy is presented not only scantily clad 90 percent of the time, but also dressed in a precariously unattainable sexual fashion. At any given time she is styled to look straight out of, simultaneously, a high fashion editorial, and a “barely legal” porno. She is airheaded and profane, and promiscuous, her mannerisms dictated by the adult films she’s “studied” in order to project an image of perfect hyper sexual femininity. She’s complacent in becoming a prototypical housewife because it will earn her a comfortable place as a trophy wife. She has no aspirations beyond that. So, let’s unpack all of that. Maddy’s role in the show is mostly passive. The most active thing she does in the plot is revenge fuck a man in the pool of a party. Nearly everything else she does in the show that is plot relevant is of someone else’s volition. Even less of what she in the show is related to anything other than a man. She is abused and then pressured into framing another man for said abuse. She has no agency as a character. The only notable difference to this rule is when she takes drugs at a carnival, knocks a pot of chili over, and calls her ex’s mom a cunt. Removed from her active sexual life and carefully cultivated aesthetic, she’s a trite stereotype of an unambitious girlfriend who gets treated poorly. I see people call Maddy iconic, but if she wasn’t gorgeous and well dressed, I doubt anyone would even think twice about her, let alone create fancams and Instagram pages dedicated to her. She exists as a plot device, and as pretty set dressing to build up the shows aesthetic. Her emotions are not well explored, her motivations are sexist, and she is often there to be demeaned, objectified, or to say a bad word. The most damning part of her involvement in this show is her episode where it is stated that she, as a fourteen year old girl, lost her virginity to an adult man, and it is stated she was in control of the situation. This is a dangerous thing to say about a character, to any audience, but especially a young one. To imply that a precocious young girl was in control during her first sexual encounter with a much much older man implies things that frankly border on rape apologist ideology. This show states this unflinchingly and with no further elaboration. If there’s one thing that tells you that Euphoria is a bad show, let it be that. Also, if there’s one thing that tells you about Sam Levinson as a person, and the way he views girls and women, let it fucking be that.

Jules is a young trans girl. She also likes to have sex with men as a means to “conquer femininity”. Scratch that, she likes to have degrading sex with older men in order to “conquer femininity”. This mindset is shown to be toxic, of course, but I think the problem with this idea in general is that there’s no deeper exploration for what this mindset means. It implies that she believes women are the sum of their intrigue and degradations. This mindset I can only assume would be a cultivation of dysphoria and internalized misogyny, which this series is absolutely not prepared to address in a tactful manner. Jules is a teenager with mental illness, trauma, and is undergoing an identity crisis. There’s something powerful in her character, something worth saying, however we only get trimmings of those meaningful things, and are ultimately left with a hurtful depiction of a trans girl because all of her musings on womanhood and identity are incomplete, and they fail to reach beyond the surface of their thesis statement. She wears colorful clothing, is overtly feminine and artistic in her presentation. Everything about her screams insecurity over her own womanhood. That is the crux of her character. Now, I think we should ask ourselves, is trans person who is insecure about their identity peak representation? Is this what trans people deserve? Is it “groundbreaking “? If this show was run by someone else, I might be inclined to say that there’s nothing insidious about this, but this is the guy that made Assassination Nation, so I think we know what he thinks of young women, the way they should be portrayed (that is, for the capitulation of a man) and realize his inclusion of a trans woman in his cast is no more meaningful than the inclusion of any other woman. Women to him are made to be categorized and should, at the end of the day, be easily palatable for the capitulation of a man. The device of having Jules being interested in older men and rough sex for identity reasons is transparent. Trans women are exploited and objectified with a similar fervor to cis women, the caveat being that they are “a forbidden fruit” of sorts to straight men. Jules is sissified, her presentation fetishistic. Her role in the plot is more involved. Her relationship with Rue is sweet, though toxic on both sides. She is ultimately betrayed, blackmailed, and snowballs into something of a manic episode, all well portrayed by Hunter Schafer, but I don’t think her inclusion in the show absolves it of any of its many sins.

Let’s talk about Cassie. Cassie is the Eurocentric beauty standard exemplified. She is the blonde haired blue eyed girl next store, and her boobs are of course always on display. She is notably promiscuous, something I say right off the bat because that’s how she’s introduced, as a so called slut through the words of the devil (Nate Jacobs). She is a girl with daddy issues, which we are all familiar with at this point. Her sexual boundaries begin and end at the whim of her partner. The terms of her consent are much like the terms of consent of many young girls brainwashed by society and the rising tide of degradation porn: everything is alright as long as you provide them comfort and affirmation afterward. You can touch them roughly without asking, you can use them as a tool to affirm your masculinity. This is the way men prefer their women now: just broken enough to say yes to anything they want. It’s become a joke at this point. Men like girls with issues, but only the ones that will feed their own desires. Cassie Howard is meek. Her inclusion in the plot I suppose ties to themes of drug addiction and how it divides and destroys the people you love. It doesn’t show what it does to her beyond shaping her sexual encounters, which is no surprise. Overall I’d say Cassie is in this roster of females as the most traditional categorically, in relation to how men view women and further how they sexualize them. She has a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love her. That mostly what she does here. Gets used. Doesn’t drive the plot or conflict much. More pretty set dressing. More aesthetics. How this show consists of so many women but is driven so much by men is unsurprising, and, again, very enlightening in the grand scheme of things.

Lastly we touch on Kat. I’d like to begin with the fact that self actualization through sexual exploration, in a show run by a man, is just a cloak for a woman to gratify the audience with her sexuality. Regardless of whether or not she is plus sized, this is overt objectification. She is on this show to be sexy. Beyond that, the fact that a minor using sex work as a form of liberation is disgusting. Whether or not she is portrayed as “owning” her sexuality is negligible, and speaks to the same mindset discussed with Maddy. Minors cannot fucking consent to sex, sexual acts, or anything within the confines of such. It’s crazy that this occurs with two different characters in such a similar way. It has echoes of “Well, she looked older..” and “Well, she wanted it..” or “She’s advanced for her age”. Never, not once in the events of the series is there meaningful introspection on what doing this kind of thing does to a minor. Moreover, these acts are explicit, and made clearly for sexual gratification. None of these things are absolved by the fact that she’s plus sized. If anything, her body type is fetishized in this context. It’s also another case of a “good girl to bad girl” transformation, which are archaic and, of course, sexist. With the rise of adult websites targeting minors for explicit content, this is even more reprehensible. Once again, in terms of representation, is this really what speaks to you as progressive? Groundbreaking? A girl gains control of her own narrative by having sex with lots of men. She gains control by being sexy. She gains control by dehumanizing and objectifying herself. No she doesn’t. Media controlled by men will tell this story to you thousands of times, don’t listen because she’s bigger than a size four.

ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNDERAGE. ALL OF THEM HAVE EXPLICIT SEX SCENES, EVEN THE SEXUAL ASSAULT IS MADE CINEMATICALLY PORNIFIED. THESE SHOTS ARE MADE TO BE OBJECTIVELY SEXY. THIS IS NOT A CASE OF SOMEONE CREATING SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF REALISM. IT IS ABOUT MAKING SCENES THAT SPEAK TO A MALE AUDIENCE. THAT CATER TO THE MALE GAZE. ARGUE WITH THE WALL.

I won’t go further into the plot, other characters, or the structure or the episodes for sake of brevity, but I felt compelled to air my thoughts on this to the void. I can only hope I was critical enough that Sam Levinson will one day see this and cry because another bad feminist thinks something that he made sucks

[linkspooky]

Yuta vs Yuji

(They are both Good Boys ™ and that’s the Problem ™ )

As this week the boys are still fighting, I thought it would be interesting to take a more in depth look at both of their characters and how they compare and contrast with each other. Yuta and Yuji are both protagonists who have protagonistic motivations. Their central conflict, Itadori’s struggle to find a good death surrounded by people he loves, and Yuta’s struggle to be surrounded by people he loves and protects them, relates to protecting the people they love and the world around them. However, that’s also what drives them into conflict with each other. They both view themselves as “the hero” even in conflicts such as the fight against each other, where there is really no good guy. 

1. I want to live / I want to die

Yuta and Yuji are opposites in their stated motivation. Yuta’s goal is to find a way to live a happy life, surrounded by the people he loves. Yuji’s goal is to find a way to die surrounded by people he’s helped in life. 

Not only are their stated motivations opposites however, on the outside they are both the opposite in several ways. Yuji is someone who is known for his strength whereas Yuta is immediately remarked upon as the type to get bullied.  Yuji is immediately remarked upon for his cheerful disposition, whereas everyone who knows Yuta picks on him at first and notices how gloomy he is. 

Yuji is someone who seems to make friends and connect with people almost immediately, whereas Yuta is someone who it probably took him a long time to start getting along with Maki and Inumaki based on what we see in the prequel. Maki challenges him at first, and Yuta doesn’t understand Inumaki at first. 

Yuta is passive, and Yuji is active. Yuji is known for running after people to save them. Yuta’s actually not as motivated to save random strangers as Yuji is, he’s simply going along with becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer because that will help his goals, 1) to make new friends and find a reason to live 2) to release Rika.

The difference between them even manifests in the way they became cursed. Yuji actively chose to swallow a curse, because he wanted to help Megumi and needed the power to do so. It was a decision he made. Yuta was the one who cursed Rika yes, but not only was it a jujutsu technique he used unconsciously, he also forgot about it and blamed Rika for cursing him instead.  

Which is also something that reflects in the central flaws of both characters. Yuta is someone with a victim complex. He tends to avoid taking direct responsibility for his actions and blaming it on someone else. He acts passive in almost every situation, and doesn’t accept that it may be his fault. Which is why he misremembered what happened to Rika. Yuta could not accept the idea that he was to blame for cursing Rika, so he blamed Rika in his memories instead for cursing him.

It’s been outlined by Maki before Yuta’s victim complex, but basically he reads as a nice person on the surface by pretending to be innocent when he’s not. Which is why she says his goodness feels fake, and he himself feels gross. Yuta kind of just, represses and ignores the bad parts of his personality, to seem like a hapless victim. Of course Yuta is not good or bad, he’s just a dude. But, Maki even goes further to point out Yuta himself doesn’t even seem to know who he wants to be. 

Yuta’s central character flaw is that he never accepts responsibility for his own actions. He has no self confidence and because of that he has a really tough time standing up as an individual. 

When he can learn to control his power, and stand on his own two feet rather than just avoiding responsibility and acting like a victim with no control over his situation. Yuta begins to change, but I think he also elevates his friends far beyond himself. 

He aspires to be like his friends, but he also feels like they’re already better than him and he’s unworthy. Which is why he’s constantly insecure about the relationship and needs to protect them. Yuta believes himself to be weak, he sees himself as a weak person, and so in every situation he tends to assume he’s the weak one or a weak victim which makes it hard for him to see what he’s responsible in those situation. 

On the other hand Yuji takes almost too much repsonsibility. Rather than trying to depend on others, Yuji is always, running ahead on his own and that’s where he makes his mistakes.

He thought he was strong enough to take down Choso on his own. He wasn’t. He thought he was strong enough mentally to prevent Sukuna from rampaging, he wasn’t. Yuji’s mistakes always come from taking on more responsibility than he can handle, and then letting things fall out of his control. 

Yuta’s irresponsible because he sees himself as a victim and doesn’t understand how strong he is, Yuji’s irresponsible because he constantly overestimates what he himself can handle.

If you take the scene after Yuji dies the first time into account. Sukuna outlines several facts. One, that Yuji is not actually strong enough to suppress him. Two, that he rampaged against Megumi specifically because Yuji got cocky and tried to use his power without using a binding vow and think it through. Three, that Yuji overestimates himself and his capability to keep Sukuna down and because of it, he agrees to a simple terms of “If I defeat you inside my own body you revive me with no conditions” and then just immediately dies. 

All of this of course being foreshadowing for what happens after the Choso fight. Once again, Yuji overestimates himself and how he can win the fight fighting alone. Halfway through Yuji gets overwhelmed and Sukuna surfaces. When Sukuna surfaces he rampages, because Yuji did not even think of the possibility that Sukuna might rampage if he died or lost consciousness, and therefore there was no binding vow in place to stop him. It’s not because Yuji is a bad kid, but because he is a kid, and doesn’t know better. He acts like any fifteen year old would dealing with a 1000 year old spirit that’s much smarter than him. But it’s also a case of Yuji thinking everything comes down to strength and he can beat Sukuna just by being stronger, when Yuji actually solves none of his problems by fighting alone, and all of his major victories come from fighting together with others. 

Yuji and Yuta are even opposites in regards to their curses. Rika loves Yuta and wants to protect him. He loses control of her because he’s too scared to face her, and has no idea how to begin controlling his power, which is once again this flaw that Yuta’s fear is a fear of taking responsibility. Yuji on the other hand his curse Sukuna loathes his guts, and is constantly trying to undermine him. Yuji’s problem is again and again he’s proven to underestimate Sukuna, he’s not afraid enough of Sukuna because Yuji himself considers himself a strong person and overestimates what he can be responsible for. Rika is an ally outside of Yuta, and Sukuna is an enemy within Yuji. 

However, after going to such length to establish them as opposites they have one central similiarity. Both of them are incredibly lonely people. They can’t really make friends or connections normally. 

Yuta has this fear of living alone, and Yuji this fear of dying alone. 

They both only form relationships on the basis that they’re needed. Which is why Yuta goes so insane about protecting his friends. Which is why Yuji keeps focusing on death above all else, because that’s their true “purpose” that underlies their stated motivations. They’re both doing this because they are afraid of being alone.

However, they both need to prove that they are “worthy” of love. In order to do that, they need to be good, useful people. Thus they are heroes, thus they are good guys, thus they are protagonists. 

Yuji becomes so insanely motivated to fight after Sukuna’s rampage, because if he doesn’t help someone, if he doesn’t justify his decision to keep on living somehow they’re just a murderer. Both Yuta and Yuji don’t really care about the world or circumstances around them, they just want to be validated by the people around them.

Yuta is a deeply selfish person, because he just wants other people around him to tell him it’s okay to live. However, he’s also just a suicidal fifteen year old kid in the first place, any kid his age would feel that way, would need that support and he shouldn’t need to earn it. That’s what he misunderstands. However, Yuji and Yuta keep trying to seek external validation. They keep trying to earn love rather than having it given to them.

It’s what Yuta completely fails to internalize after his fight with Geto. The lesson he needed to learn was that there was more to the world around him than just protecting the people he loved, but it seems coming back to both of those people he loved being hurt has caused him to double down on “protecting the ones he loved” vs “thinking about what is justice”.Yuta’s still stuck in this mode where he has to earn love, and that becomes his first priority in everything.

The problem with making the decision to ignore justice is that you can end up at the wrong side of the equation. Yuji is Yuta. He’s another victim who allowed a curse to rampage because he was cursed as a teenager and could not control his own power and people ended up dying for it. 

However, because Yuta only understands that his friends have been hurt, and refuses to understand Yuji as both a victim and a person outside of himself he accepts his role of executioner.

Yuta was the person who was going to be executed a year ago. The only reason he didn’t was because Gojo gave him a chance and extended a helping hand. However we’re now seeing Yuta take the opposite path. he’s made the decision to become executioner, to not save when he himself was saved. Which is just sad because Yuta and Yuji are character foils.

 A conflict against Yuji, the other main character, is really just Yuta fighting himself. Yuta cannot forgive himself for the crime of being weak, and therefore he blames Yuji for being like he was a year ago. Yuta still doesn’t know how to stand strong on his own, to accept that his friends love him for who he is, so he’s still trying to earn love by avenging them and acting overprotective against Yuji, when we know Inumaki was friends with Yuji and probably would not want him to be hunted down and killed. 

Yuta and Yuji are both seemingly completely selfless people who can come off as rather self centered when you examine their deeper motivations (they do what they do, because they want to be loved and needed) but it doesn’t come from a place of ego, it’s just that they’re lonely. They can’t feel accepted for who they are so they both try to be heroes instead. 

[pet-genius]

The Death Eaters as a Cult - Part 1

This is a very lightly edited old Reddit post, that I'll publish in parts because the whole thing is like 7000 words. Analyzing Voldemort, the DE and their dynamics, Dumbledore and Harry in comparison, and individual Death Eaters. Hope you like it!

Some say Voldemort is a cartoon villain, or wizard Hitler. I think he is very realistic, and that the focus on his political aspirations ignores interesting aspects of him. I cannot prove that JKR had cults in mind when she wrote Voldemort and his followers, but this is how I read them. It’s nearly impossible to define a cult, so, for the purpose hereof, I’m going with “a group dedicated to the worship of a person”. Many cult leaders in real life present themselves merely as “god’s voice” or “the messiah”, but Voldemort specifically didn’t bother to hide behind a power higher than himself.

Tom Riddle comes from humble beginnings, like many cult leaders - he’s raised in an orphanage. He already has delusions of grandeur, only in this case they’re not delusions, because he really is magic, which makes it all the more dangerous. Look how he reacted to discovering he was a wizard, and how Harry did.

Immediately following the revelation that Lily and James did not die in a car crash, and that Harry is famous, and that he survived an attempt at his life by the worst wizard in history:

Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake. A wizard? Him? How could he possibly be? He’d spent his life being clouted by Dudley, and bullied by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; if he was really a wizard, why hadn’t they been turned into warty toads every time they’d tried to lock him in his cupboard? If he’d once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?

“Hagrid,” he said quietly, “I think you must have made a mistake. I don’t think I can be a wizard.”

Heart-breaking. Harry doesn’t believe he can be special, he blames himself for the way he’s treated.

This is Tom Riddle:

“I know that you are not mad. Hogwarts is not a school for mad people. It is a school of magic.”

There was silence. Riddle had frozen, his face expressionless, but his eyes were flickering back and forth between each of Dumbledore’s, as though trying to catch one of them lying. “Magic?” he repeated in a whisper.

“That’s right,” said Dumbledore.

“It’s... it’s magic, what I can do?”

“What is it that you can do?”

“All sorts,” breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. “I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to.”

His legs were trembling. He stumbled forward and sat down on the bed again, staring at his hands, his head bowed as though in prayer.

“I knew I was different,” he whispered to his own quivering fingers. “I knew I was special. Always, I knew there was something.”

His megalomania and violent nature are already apparent, as is his preternatural control of his magic. It also hints at rudimentary legilimency.

Dumbledore spells out that young Tom Riddle equated magic with immortality and liked to collect trophies, and that Tom Riddle liked being special, as he resents the name Tom for being too common; he already lives behind a mask and only shows his true face in shock. This, and not Dumbledore’s magical prowess, is what always scared Tom. Voldemort knew Dumbledore knew what he was. That was the only tactical advantage Dumbledore had.

It’s also one of JKR’s strokes of brilliance: Dumbledore saw Tom for what Tom was, and others never did until it was too late, not because he was that clever, but because he knew from experience. Dumbledore had allowed himself to fall for a charismatic but heartless man before, and it took Ariana dying to slap him awake. Dumbledore knows good people can be led astray: It happened to him. It has nothing to do with intelligence or “goodness”. Gellert was able to give Albus exactly what Albus lacked, stuck at home taking care of Ariana: the promise of freedom and a bright future, and the companionship of an equal. Albus fell for it, despite warning signs that should have been obvious.

Later, we know Tom is chosen by a wand of yew and phoenix feather. Both yew and phoenix are associated with immortality; yew trees are very long-lived. Compare this to Harry’s wand, holly and phoenix feather: both these characters will experience death and rebirth, except Tom Riddle’s wand tree is yew, and Harry’s is holly.

From Wikipedia: “The Christian church commonly found it expedient to take over existing pre-Christian sacred sites for churches. It has also been suggested that yews were planted at religious sites as their long life was suggestive of eternity, or because, being toxic when ingested, they were seen as trees of death.” Also from Wikipedia: “Christians have identified a wealth of symbolism in the holly tree’s form. The sharpness of the leaves help to recall the crown of thorns worn by Jesus; the red berries serve as a reminder of the drops of blood that were shed for salvation; and the shape of the leaves, which resemble flames, can serve to reveal God's burning love for His people.”

The two orphans’ wildly different views of death are also apparent in their wand trees. Voldemort will murder to attain his goals; Harry will sacrifice himself. That the phoenix feather came from Fawkes is also meaningful - Dumbledore taught both magic in some capacity, but he never could defeat Voldemort, because they’re too alike. One of Harry’s advantages in this battle is the integrity of his soul, which cannot be compromised.

Next, Tom Riddle is sorted into Slytherin. For a child who is already prone to megalomania, the house values bring out the worst in him, and under Slughorn, he grows into a manipulative, cunning, ruthless young man. I’m not blaming Horace for Tom being a psychopath, but some of the particular ways his psychopathy manifested in seem to have been directly due to Slughorn’s influence. Slughorn is a blood-supremacist, who was convinced Tom must come from fine stock. Slughorn tests drinks for poison using house elves; Tom Riddle tests the effectiveness of his Horcrux’s protection on Kreacher. Slughorn emphasizes the importance of connections and outright praises Tom for knowing more than he needs to, and encourages an attitude of “it’s only wrong if you get caught.” But Slughorn, prejudiced and cunning as he is, is not violent - he is academically curious about Horcruxes, but he finds them repugnant. Tom’s heart is not so faint - at the point of asking Slughorn about Horcruxes, the diary is already a horcrux, and Tom has already murdered his father. This is how Dumbledore describes Tom’s original gang, who were the proto-Death Eaters:

As he moved up the school, he gathered about him a group of dedicated friends; I call them that, for want of a better term, although as I have already indicated, Riddle undoubtedly felt no affection for any of them. This group had a kind of dark glamour within the castle. They were a motley collection; a mixture of the weak seeking protection, the ambitious seeking some shared glory, and the thuggish gravitating toward a leader who could show them more refined forms of cruelty. In other words, they were the forerunners of the Death Eaters, and indeed some of them became the first Death Eaters after leaving Hogwarts. Rigidly controlled by Riddle, they were never detected in open wrongdoing, although their seven years at Hogwarts were marked by a number of nasty incidents to which they were never satisfactorily linked, the most serious of which was, of course, the opening of the Chamber of Secrets, which resulted in the death of a girl. As you know, Hagrid was wrongly accused of that crime.

Dumbledore explains what motivated people to join Tom: some were afraid, some ambitious, some cruel. He controlled his so-called friends, and already started framing others for his own crimes (Hagrid’s framing was followed by Morfin’s and Hokey the house elf’s).

This is followed by Tom’s attempt to become a teacher (Dumbledore spells out his motivations: He is attached to the school, he wants to study its magic, and he already wants to build himself an army). He is denied, oddly chooses to work for Borgin and Burkes, a choice fueled by the desire to trace down more items to make into Horcruxes. Through the memory of the meeting with Heptzibah Smith, we see that Tom was definitely charming when he needed to be, and knew how to make people feel good. He did not use magic to trick her into showing him her precious locket and cup: he used muggle manipulation - flattery, making an old and forlorn lady feel valuable, perhaps even flirting with her (she’s certainly flirting with him). He was pleasant enough that Ms. Smith eagerly looked forward to his visits - but as she showed him her treasures, he was caught off guard by hearing about his mother and how she sold the locket, and she saw him for what he was, although she quickly fell into denial. Sadly, she was murdered two days later.

Why rely on Horcruxes to gain immortality? Tom must have known about Nicholas Flamel and the Philosopher’s Stone, and the Horcruxes require someone else to perform the resurrection ritual. Either making the Stone is so hard that it would deter Tom (unlikely), or he already expected to rely on followers who would find him and revive him - he certainly seems to have expected his followers to have searched for him earlier. Maybe Horcruxes were appealing because they require murder. In any case, this is followed by the memory of Tom asking Dumbledore for the DADA job again, a decade later. Tom has spent a decade gathering followers, and he has already changed his name to Lord Voldemort. This is reminiscent of real life cult leader David Koresh, and the leaders of the Children of God, Aum Shinrikyo, etc. The meeting between Voldemort and Albus is interesting, because it’s clear that Dumbledore had tried to teach Tom about the power of love:

“The old argument,” he said softly. “But nothing I have seen in the world has supported your famous pronouncements that love is more powerful than my kind of magic, Dumbledore.”

“Perhaps you have been looking in the wrong places,” suggested Dumbledore.

This did not help. Tom never learned - how could he? At 16, he was already a murderer - who could love him now for who he was? He could never be truly loved, and he could never truly love another, and he underestimated the power of love for his entire life, leading to his downfall - twice (were that it was so simple in real life).

Voldemort is trying to obfuscate the nature of the relationship, like all cults - they never admit this is what they are.

“I am glad to hear that you consider them friends,” said Dumbledore. “I was under the impression that they are more in the order of servants.”

“You are mistaken,” said Voldemort.

But LV can’t lie to Dumbledore, who changes the subject. He denies him the DADA job again, and the curse is placed on the job. LV’s ascent is due to begin in a few years. Hagrid tells the story:

Anyway, this — this wizard, about twenty years ago now, started lookin’ fer followers. Got ’em, too — some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o’ his power, ’cause he was gettin’ himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn’t know who ter trust, didn’t dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches...

Voldemort isn’t just interested in immortality. He wants complete control. He wants everyone fearing him - even fearing his name. He has people isolated and distrustful, fearing for their lives.

But we know his reign of terror was dreadful - what I’m interested in is the way he treated his own followers. We know little about how he treated them in the first war, but we do have what Sirius had to say about Regulus’s fate:

From what I found out after he died, he got in so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do and tried to back out. Well, you don’t just hand in your resignation to Voldemort. It’s a lifetime of service or death.

We know the real story of Regulus’s disappearance, and it’s different. Kreacher tells us that Regulus died in the Horcrux cave - but more telling is that Regulus forbade Kreacher from telling his parents what had happened to him. Why did he feel the need to do that? This suggests that Regulus knew LV destroyed traitors’ families, which is a tactic used in cults and other abusive dynamics. We know LV would leverage Draco’s welfare against Lucius for his failure in the Department of Mysteries, too. We know also that instead of going to Dumbledore, or to his own brother, Regulus chose death – unless he was really dumb, and I don’t think he was, he must have been manipulated into believing that was his only option, or his world made no sense after his faith had shattered. So many people never readjust to life outside the cult.

Voldemort “dies” about two years after that, having successfully recruited about 400 followers (“the death eaters outnumbered us the Order 20:1” - Lupin). We can’t say if all these people were genuine Death Eaters or people who had been Imperiused or otherwise coerced, or allies like Narcissa, but that coercion is used to recruit shows that Voldemort did not take his own followers’ ambitions and wishes into account. People who use outright coercion don't suddenly draw the line at manipulation.

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think canon Zuko has any understanding of the idea of duty? That he, especially given that he aspires to political power, should act like his status as Prince gives him certain responsibilities? That doing what's best for the for Fire Nation or the world might require him to do things which make him unhappy or uncomfortable or require him to make grave personal sacrifices? Does he even understand duty as a concept?

Oof. Complicated questions, thus, this sat in my inbox for a veeeery long time.

I honestly, seriously, genuinely... don't think Zuko truly understood, at any point in canon, what it really meant to be a leader. I know many of us (and I think you, too?) don't particularly like the comics, but in my opinion, The Promise did a surprisingly decent job at highlighting several problems left in the wake of the end of the war, and perhaps unintentionally, this is one of the problems: upon becoming Fire Lord, Zuko is remarkably erratic, unsure of his choices, even seeking advice from his FATHER, of all people, because he has no idea what he's doing.

In the most favorable possible view of Iroh, he taught Zuko to be a better person. I don't entirely adscribe to this belief, but fine, let's concede that he did, or else this answer would never end: not just because you're a good person, however, are you guaranteed to be a good leader. Zuko, as we both know, is far from the best person in the world, and he is prone to making impulsive, emotional mistakes that can cause harm and trouble, and typically, Zuko doesn't face the consequences of most his actions, or the narrative just pins the blame on someone else. When we see this sort of behavior in a real-life politician, the immediate reaction we would have is "this guy is awful at his job", and sadly, I find myself thinking that quite often when it comes to Zuko's canon tenure as Fire Lord.

So... what is Zuko's concept of duty? Going by his pursuit of Aang in the first two seasons, duty is a task given to him by someone whose approval he seeks (in this case, Ozai) and he must pull it off, no matter what, to gain said approval. By Book 3, this logic still applies fairly easily to how Zuko acts over Iroh: I've highlighted in the past that the main motivation for Zuko's redemption is Iroh, doing right by Iroh, making amends to Iroh, regretting how he treated Iroh. He points that out explicitly in Ember Island Players, he does it as well indirectly by bringing up Iroh first of all, when confronting Ozai: this is his main priority. Ergo... I'd honestly say it's safe to judge that this is what Zuko regards as duty, as what he has to do. Iroh wants him to be Fire Lord? That's exactly what he becomes. The difficulties and complications in this particular line of work are taken for granted, and so, we have an outcome that was remarkably well depicted in The Promise, despite that comic's many glaring flaws: Zuko gets swept back and forth, twisted left and right by all the pressures and responsibilities, because he has no idea what he's doing as Fire Lord, and no idea/experience in how to be a real leader.

As far as I can tell, the core of the matter is that nobody really seems to have taken Zuko all that seriously as future Fire Lord. Ozai, evidently, wasn't training Zuko to be his personal heir. Ozai himself is a questionable source of information regarding learning what it means to be Fire Lord, considering he, as well, wasn't raised to take that role, just as he didn't raise Zuko for it. Yet Iroh didn't exactly teach Zuko how to lead anyone either, as far as I can tell: his lessons were meant to be of a more personal nature, and even then, Zuko had lots of trouble accepting most of them. Iroh's firebending lessons to Zuko were typically stunted in the basics because he was hot-headed and rash about getting to the intense and interesting stuff...

So: neither Ozai nor Iroh gave Zuko actual responsibilities. Ozai gave him a punishment Zuko was trying to endure however possible, a punishment he wanted to prove himself unworthy of by finding the Avatar and "regaining his honor". Then, Iroh punished Zuko as well by giving him the cold shoulder in Book 3, then he escaped and Zuko did everything he did, after betraying Ozai, to prove himself worthy of Iroh's kindness once again. It's not actual duty, the way it is in Azula's case: no doubt, Azula wants Ozai's approval too, but she has the madman's trust when it comes to finding her brother and uncle, to taking down the Avatar, and to conquering Ba Sing Se, as far as anyone can tell. I do doubt Ozai gave her all these missions at once, but he gave her the resources through which she pulled off ALL of them: she had the firebending procession, she had a ship, she had a train-tank, she had mounts... Zuko had a rundown ship that looked like a 1:10 scale version of every other ship in the harbor back in the very third episode: he was being punished. In contrast, Azula is entrusted with a mission, with LEADERSHIP, while Zuko has no visible, tangible, objective experience with the latter (consider how Azula steals the Dai Li's loyalty from under Long Feng: when did we see Zuko pulling off something like this? Even with Jet, Zuko was more of an associate to the Freedom Fighters, and Jet was still the leader).

I've always thought Zuko wasn't prepared to be Fire Lord, and the main reasons are the ones you indirectly point out through this ask: Zuko doesn't seem to treat the throne as a responsibility, but as his right. I won't get tired of pointing out that this was NOT Zuko's birthright, he was NOT born thinking he'd be Fire Lord: he was born to the second branch in the Fire Nation family. We literally SEE the day in which Lu Ten's death is revealed to him. According to somewhat official sources? He's ELEVEN in Zuko Alone's flashbacks. I, personally, think he looks a little younger than that, but I think that's the official wikia age, no idea where they got that info but that's what it says. Meaning...

Zuko, objectively, only had been crown prince for FIVE YEARS.

Zuko was NOT raised, not by his mother, not by his father, with the belief that the throne would one day be his (Ursa is gone before Ozai is crowned and Ozai clearly wanted Azula for the job rather than Zuko).

And yet, when you backtrack to the show? It seriously looks like that was the case. He clings to the throne in Books 1 and 2 as though he had no other purpose in life, as though this was everything that was promised to him (in contrast, Azula only ever indicates wanting the throne in Sozin's Comet: Part One). Even when he's an outlaw, discarded and cast out, he STILL talks about the throne, as though most his identity were built upon the notion that he must become Fire Lord: why? How come? Within five years, he's crafted his entire existence around being the heir to the throne? That's... a bit weird.

And a bit wishful, too. Which is why I commend that the comics show him struggling as Fire Lord, if anything they should've had him struggling MORE than that, because Zuko is simply NOT prepared for these responsibilities. He never gave any indication, any sign, of seeing it as such. He sees it as his right, his birthRIGHT. Why? Why more people don't ponder how utterly strange this behavior is, beats me. But it really does bother me that Zuko built his entire existence around being Fire Lord in a very similar way to how Korra built her own about being the Avatar. I have very little praise to give LOK in general, but the premise of Korra learning she was a person, a human, and not just the Avatar felt like the perfect parallel to Aang's story, where he was very much anchored in his humility and belief that he was just "one kid", and his rejection of his duties as the Avatar was meant to change gradually as he learned to accept himself as he was. Korra, however, never fully hit the mark with this subject, in my personal opinion... much as Zuko doesn't hit the mark either, since the show's only direct attempt to "deconstrue" Zuko's clinging to the throne happens in one dialogue, and his attachment to the idea is built up again, right afterwards:

Zuko: And then ... then you would come and take your rightful place on the throne? Iroh: No. Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko. Zuko: Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes. Iroh: Yes, you have. You've struggled; you've suffered, but you have always followed your own path. You restored your own honor, and only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation. Zuko: I'll try, Uncle.

And there we have it. The only point in the show (that I can remember) where Zuko seemed to not feel worthy of the throne and questioned he should be the one sitting on it (RIGHTFULLY!), buuuuuuuut he goes right back to wanting it, right afterwards, based on how this single exchange was enough for him to be 100% determined to take down his sister, merely a few lines later.

As for his willingness to make personal sacrifices... some might say he was outright willing to die for Katara in the finale -- though I'll point out he was trying to redirect the lightning anyway, didn't do it as well as he should have, but he wasn't exactly, consciously, trying to DIE for her... --, some might say that he left Mai behind in the FIre Nation, and that as well was a sacrifice... but was it? We don't see him missing her, or suffering about her fate, at any point in time after SHE sacrifices herself for him in the Boiling Rock (my biggest gripe over this particular canon couple is this, tbh). I feel like the show generally presents Zuko's situation as somewhat... self-sacrificial? Especially in Books 1 and 2, and yet that's really not the case: it isn't Zuko himself who makes the choice of traveling to find Aang, it's a punishment inflicted upon him.

This particular view upon his circumstances makes it so Zuko is never responsible for... well, any of his choices? It's always someone else's fault, therefore, whatever he suffers through, there's always someone he can (and usually does) resent for it. Therefore... I can't genuinely think of anything Zuko sacrificed in order to come as far as he did. He was forced to let go of things by his father, typically, by Zhao as well, maybe, but even then, it's not like we saw that he has a super healthy and happy relationship with, I don't know, Earth Kingdom people (his only meaningful positive EK bond was with Jin, which went nowhere and goes forgotten after a single mini episode)? The Palace staff? The commoners of the Fire Nation (they just treat him like a hero and he seems awkward and distant about it anyway, like he can really just do without their worship)? He doesn't have other friends beyond Azula's own friends... thus, he doesn't sacrifice anything that really matters. And in a sense, some people might say he doesn't have to sacrifice anything at all: he already went through so much strife and struggle that why would he need to sacrifice anything else? But the thing is... you DO have to learn to make such sacrifices if you're going to be a good king.

So often, people who devote themselves to their jobs have to consciously neglect their families, to name one thing: Zuko neglects Mai and she explodes at him for it in The Promise, then he just tries to get her back at all costs in Smoke & Shadow, with no thoughts given to the fact that maybe he isn't ready to juggle both a relationship and the throne, that maybe Mai could be happier with someone other than him, someone who can give her the attention and relationship she's looking for... THOSE are the sacrifices I'd be referring to, personally, sacrifices where his happiness and peace of mind have to be set aside for the sake of something much more important than himself, and I expect that's the kind of sacrifices you're referring to, too. I seriously don't think he's ready to make them, and with the comics as reference, there's seriously no evidence to suggest he's prepared to accept these burdens that come with the heavy mantle of leadership and ruling. I've never seen any signs of him being ready for it, myself. Maybe I need to reexamine the show and see if maybe I'm missing something... but I don't really think I am.

The worst part, for me, is that Zuko isn't even doing the bulk of the things he's doing in pursuit of genuine happiness: he's doing it over a sense of destiny. He never stops to reason with that destiny, to wonder if maybe he doesn't need to be Fire Lord, if maybe he could have a life beyond that role. Book 2 veeeery briefly suggests he MIGHT be on his way to questioning that destiny, but as I've said before, I don't see the sense in Zuko's big change of heart after the Appa incident considering we don't really understand what he's learned, other than how to be the perfect nephew for Iroh, apparently. Zuko never really is happy, as he says in the show: his happiest moments are with Mai and they're only like a 25% of his relationship with her, everything else is a mess (and his relationship with her isn't exactly the core of his character, either). So, the way I see it... Zuko is even worse off than it looks at first glance. He's out to fulfill a destiny he has never stopped to reason with, a destiny he's 100% sure is his, despite he has only been on that path, objectively, for five years? Despite he wasn't raised all along under the belief that this was what he was supposed to be? If given a chance to be genuinely happy, what on earth would he even do? A lot of the growth I gave him in Gladiator was based on that particular question: is the throne really what Zuko needs to be happy? It doesn't look like it, even in canon. If it's not... then it's not happiness he seeks, it's some sort of sense of assurance that he's doing the right thing, according to the figure of authority he follows at a set point in time: by Book 3, said authority is Iroh, and Iroh wants him on the throne. His motivation, as far as I can see it, is as simple as that.

Long story short... I don't think Zuko really has a strong grasp on many concepts that he absolutely should have reasoned with and worked out in order to become Fire Lord. In a sense, he's way too young for the role he's given, for the heavy burdens he has to deal with, and I'll NEVER see the sense in not having Iroh taking the throne (beyond how "poetic" the creators and writers found it to crown Zuko to finish his story, of course), at least for a short time, before Zuko can be ready. This is exactly why I wrote things that way in my oneshot where Azula takes Zuko's role, more or less: Iroh serves as regent while Azula prepares for taking the full role of Fire Lord when she's ready. I love her, she's awesome, I absolutely adore her character... but I don't think an Azula who was sidelined and sent on a long voyage with her uncle for YEARS could possibly be ready for the responsibilities of being Fire Lord right away.

Meanwhile? Iroh was given leadership of military missions enough times that he became a general in the Fire Nation forces. By all evidence, he was Fire Lord Azulon's pampered and spoiled son, whom he DID prepare for the duties of a Fire Lord for as long as Iroh was born: Iroh literally had fifty-ish years of preparation, as far as I can tell? How is he NOT the better suited person to take the throne, if just temporarily, while his nephew learns what it really means to rule by watching him, or by maybe learning leadership by managing smaller duties first, a specific town or city, and then putting his knowledge to good use by becoming Fire Lord properly?

Eh... because it wouldn't be an epic enough finale for the show, I suppose. That's the only answer I can find for this particular question.

So... yeah. That got long :'D but in short... I don't think Zuko has a strong grasp on responsibility and duty, let alone on the burdens inherent to these concepts. Yet more reasons why his character's arc can't hit all the marks it should, imo, to make it as great as the whole fandom is already convinced it is.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi, I’ve been tasked with researching Richard Plantagenet for a paper and thus far found extremely negative accounts of the king, his religious bigotry being a reoccurring theme (his treatment of Jewish dignitaries attending his coronation and his reasoning to join the third crusade etc)

I stumbled across your wonderful tag for Richard at the weekend and wondered if you wouldn’t mind sharing your informed opinion of Richard and his views on religions ? Your writing seems very well balanced regarding his attributes and flaws. Thanks :)

Oof. Okay. So, a short and simple question, then?

Quick note: when I was first reading your ask and saw "Richard Plantagenet," I briefly assumed that you meant Richard Plantagenet, father of Edward IV, or perhaps Richard III, both from the Wars of the Roses in the fifteenth century, before seeing from context that you meant Richard I. While "Plantagenet" was first used as an informal appellation by Richard I's grandfather, Geoffrey of Anjou, it wasn't until several centuries later that the English royal house started to use it consistently as a surname. So it's not something that Richard I would have been really called or known by, even if historians tend to use it as a convenient labeling conceit. (See: the one thousand popular histories on "The Plantagenets" that have been published recently.)

As for Richard I, he is obviously an extremely complex and controversial figure for many reasons, though one of the first things that you have to understand is that he has been mythologized and reinvented and reinterpreted down the centuries for many reasons, especially his crusade participation and involvement in the Robin Hood legends. When you're researching about Richard, you're often reading reactions/interpretations of that material more than anything specifically rooted in the primary sources. And while I am glad that you asked me about this and want to encourage you to do so, I will gently enquire to start off: when you say "research," what kind of materials are you looking at, exactly? Are these actual published books/papers/academic material, or unsourced stuff on the internet written from various amateur/ideological perspectives and by people who have particular agendas for depicting Richard as the best (or as is more often the case, worst) ever? Because history, to nobody's surprise, is complicated. Richard did good things and he also did quite bad things, and it's difficult to reduce him to one or the other.

Briefly (ha): I'll say just that if a student handed me a paper stating that Richard was a religious bigot because a) there were anti-Jewish riots during his coronation and b) he signed up for the Third Crusade, I would seriously question it. Medieval violence against the Jews was an unfortunately endemic part of crusade preparations, and all we know about Richard's own reaction is that he fined the perpetrators harshly (repeated after a similar March 1190 incident in York) and ordered for them to be punished. Therefore, while there famously was significant anti-Semitic violence at his coronation, Richard himself was not the one who instigated it, and he ordered for the Londoners who did take part in it to be punished for breaking the king's peace.

This, however, also doesn't mean that Richard was a great person or that he was personally religiously tolerant. We don't know that and we often can't know that, whether for him or anyone else. This is the difficulty of inferring private thoughts or beliefs from formal records. This is why historians, at least good historians, mostly refrain from speculating on how a premodern private individual actually thought or felt or identified. We do know that Richard likewise also made a law in 1194 to protect the Jews residing in his domains, known as Capitula Judaeis. This followed in the realpolitik tradition of Pope Calixtus II, who had issued Sicut Judaeis in c. 1120 ordering European Christians not to harass Jews or forcibly convert them. This doesn't mean that either Calixtus or Richard thought Jews were great, but they did choose a different and more pragmatic/economic way of dealing with them than their peers. This does not prove "religious bigotry" and would need a lot more attention as an analytical concept.

As for saying that the crusades were motivated sheerly by medieval religious bigotry, I'm gonna have to say, hmm, no. Speaking as someone with a PhD in medieval history who specialised in crusade studies, there is an enormous literature around the question of why the crusades happened and why they continue to hold such troubling attraction as a pattern of behavior for the modern world. Yes, Richard went on crusade (as did the entire Western Latin world, pretty much, since 1187 and the fall of Jerusalem was the twelfth century's 9/11). But there also exists material around him that doesn't exist around any other crusade leader, including his extensive diplomatic relations with the Muslims, their personal admiration for him, his friendship with Saladin and Saladin's brother Saif al-Din, the fact that Arabic and Islamic sources can be more complimentary about Richard than the Christian records of his supposed allies, and so forth. I think Frederick II of Sicily, also famous for his friendly relationships with Muslims, is the only other crusade leader who has this kind of material. So however he did act on crusade, and for whatever reasons he went, Richard likewise chose the pragmatic path in his interactions with Muslims, or at least the Muslim military elite, than just considering them all as religious barbarians unworthy of his time or attention.

The question of how the crusades functioned as a pattern of expected behavior for the European Christian male aristocrat, sometimes entirely divorced from any notion of his private religious beliefs, is much longer and technical than we can possibly get into. (As again, I am roughly summarising a vast and contentious field of academic work for you here, so... yes.) Saying that the crusades happened only because medieval people were all religious zealots is a wild oversimplification of the type that my colleague @oldshrewsburyian and I have to deal with in our classrooms, and likewise obscures the dangerous ways in which the modern world is, in some ways, more devoted to replicating this pattern than ever. It puts it beyond the remit of analysis and into the foggy "Dark Ages hurr durr bad" stereotype that drives me batty.

Weighted against this is the fact that Richard obviously killed many Muslims while on crusade, and that this was motivated by religious and ideological convictions that were fairly standard for his day but less admirable in ours. The question of how that violence has been glorified by the alt-right people who think there was nothing wrong with it at all and he should have done more must also be taken into account. Richard's rise to prominence as a quintessentially English chivalrous hero in the nineteenth century, right when Britain was building its empire and needed to present the crusades as humane and civilizing missions abroad rather than violent and generally failed attempts at forced conversion and conquest, also problematized this. As noted, Richard was many things, but... not that, and when the crusades fell out of fashion again in the twentieth century, he was accordingly drastically villainized. Neither the superhero or the supervillain images of him are accurate, even if they're cheap and easy.

The English nationalists have a complicated relationship with Richard: he represents the ideal they aspire to, aesthetically speaking, and the kind of anti-immigrant sentiment they like to put in his mouth, which is far more than the historical Richard actually displayed toward his Muslim counterparts. (At least, again, so far as we can know anything about his private beliefs, but this is what we can infer from his actions in regard to Saladin, who he deeply respected, and Saladin's brother.) But he was also thoroughly a French knight raised and trained in the twelfth-century martial tradition, his concern for England was only as a minor part of the sprawling 'Angevin empire' he inherited from his father Henry II (which is heresy for the Brexit types who think England should always be the center of the world), and his likely inability to speak English became painted as a huge character flaw. (Notwithstanding that after the Norman Conquest in 1066, England did not have a king who spoke English natively until Henry IV in 1399, but somehow all those others don't get blamed as much as Richard.)

Anyway. I feel as if it's best to stop here. Hopefully this points you toward the complexity of the subject and gives you some guidelines in doing your own research from here. :)

[captainkurosolaire]

I challenge you to pick five Tumblrs in your social circle and tell them something you admire about their blog!

Only 5? I could probably do 500. However, that's determined by what's considered my social circle. I'm often in my head being incredibly social continuously is really a challenge of mine. I'm always actively marching to something, my flame of passion when I have it, I can do some crazy stuff but it diminishes relatively quickly, so I try to cling. But I'll up your thing and list 25 of my fave people. Ask me this same thing in a Month, I'll keep doing 25, until I do all the people. How about that? (If anyone wants to be taken off mention let me know.)

@eligos-venator

- Has one of the most intelligent and sophisticated minds, I've had the pleasure to know. Literally admire all his aesthetics, work, head-cannons, ideas. It's only a benefit that the dude shares some OC characteristics to my own (Winning features). I really enjoyed the short-thread we did. It was incomplete, mainly because of my faults. I want to actually be better to give him a proper delivery and RP worth his time, but he's incredibly worth the investment of eyes.

@mischiefandmystics

- If there was a Mount Rushmoore of writers who kept me in this endeavor, encouraged me. Sun'ra is one of them. His characterization skills, writing, the delivery and how believable his character is, they're masterful acts.

@mishivymendi

- I wouldn't be nearly tamed or as creatively freed if it wasn't for this gem. She broke my shell, I really didn't at a time ever see myself being anything really beyond a smut writer, but Mishi not only saw potential in me, but brought it out. Her stories and world's she brings to life are so majestically colorful.

@asymphonyofash

- My go-to. He's another pillar individual who saw things in me past just the obvious perception, (Probably second longest XIV RPer I know.) Taught me a lot of the lore, I shot him up and he's sort of become my stapled rock. He's right aside Sun'ra met them about the same, both took me under their wing's as I quietly observed and absorbed.

@lavender-hemlock

- We're always up and front with each other, never feeling like I couldn't say anything around, extremely rare to share that these days. Her gif's are legendary, something on my own terms I want to soar in quality. The writing she does is astounding. Character has so many mysterious pages that are quite addictive to want to explore and learn them. (Encore 20 below-cut)

@under-the-blood-moonlight - Her sweetness and artwork and overall is just a friendly presence to be around. I cherish them so much. One I can jive with more darker undertones with. She's one the most hardworking and ambitiously creative people. I'd mail them infinite hugs if could. Thanks for being you! @roxinova - I owe a lot of credit to her. She's constantly OOC and everything was nudging me too be more inclusive to things and involved heavenly. It's rare for me. I'm really horrible about that my autism sets me back socially, I constantly will be drowned by the next day and be reverted back to better off alone, that's my major crux and weakness. But her thoughtfulness, these things, aren't ever foreign to me, I do pay attention probably better than any would ever give me credit. She's a beacon model to have as a friend. @corpse-dancer - Haven't ran into many words with them, but her character, screenshot game, expressiveness, they're all a marvel to constantly see, alongside her attitude and bringing life character. I do think if I were better, we would click quite splendidly. They've recently reminded and motivated me to pick-up my daily-practice, or try too. Keep being a rockstar. @fair-fae - Few who wouldn't know who she is in this community. She's been in my opinion a huge core. I'm certain she's inspired many who weren't even RPers too try it by seeing her at the Quicksands or elsewhere, a tyme ago. Making no exception, I was even one of those. I used to be in QS every-single day and was often doing my shameless stuff. Though her presence first did show me there's a lot more. I admire her in all fields. Also appreciate her adopting me to the FC and her always thinking of others and giving events, or her aesthetics and portrayal, its the epitome of swan elegance. @thorcat - One of my most treasured friends. Been RPing with them for a longtime. There's never anything complicated between us or a rift of drama, it's just let's go and have fun. We really mesh well, I've welcomed nearly ever character and got the privilege to RP with nearly all them. They always open up envelope and help me, settle on back and just laugh. Whether used to be waking up to their characters humping my afk one or use randomly having a hardcore banter between Ufah and Captain and capturing them as a voidal pet. Memories with them isn't something I'd ever want to lose. I love ya! Never stop enjoying life for anything. @lukawarrioroflight - I get in the gutter find myself lacking motivation or writing, discouraged even... But I never have felt, I could ever do any wrong with this person, they bring the light out of me. So no matter what, how many hospital-beds I yearly visit, it's because of this rare nature, that I come back, even if they're the only one's ever to read my stuff. I would do it for them alone. @scholarlybreadbun - I've only been back recently and they've so much warmth. Their presence is the sun of inviting. The couple and posing all the shipping that stuff makes me even melt. I'm not particularly talented in regards to posing couples, but I took notice of them along time ago and set on quietly improving. Really like them for them, wouldn't ever want them to change that. Ideally look forward to be in their orbit longer so I can bask in them. @seascrapes - Been mutual with them for a while. Their aesthetics and character is all S+ level. I appreciate throwing back tagged prompts with them, one of many people I really think would be enjoyable to collab with any other seafarers. The artwork and pieces of Tal Brook, are breathtaking as ever exceptionally too, not to mention. Love your stuff matey, you're a king. @mai-takeda - Is a myth. Her absolutely sheer friendliness and her attitude, are so positive influencing, I was so thrilled to be welcomed with her and boosted by them early on. I couldn't see myself, wanting to exist where they didn't have happiness like the same she always delivers by just doing so many soft-things. Not to mention her writing... She's a whole world to throw yourself gazes

under. @zhauric - It doesn't go far either without the same breath of Mai, I could say about Zhauric. He's someone worthy to look-up and also recognize they're passionate and inviting, hoisting up literally everything. Could easily find any of their characters comrades with my own, or jiving alongside. Not to mention last XIVWrite, they slaughtered it. So enjoyable to read them all. I like how organized their blog is too, motivated me recently to redux my entire thing. @cadrenebula - They have so many diverse characters and their entire roster is vibrant and is imbued with a massive flux of life. They are able to encapsulate so many character's voices and portray them so effectively too, I really admire that greatly. They've made me think bigger and try myself recently at actually undertaking a huge roster of characters too. I've taken many breaks, but I always am so graciously returned often with them close-by and that's so incredibly sacred. I've seen a lot of people get discouraged or quit, leave, departure, etc. But they always seem to have a bigger house then they had last I took a break and I enjoy peaking in. @silvernsteel - Her artist and gif-work are awe-aspiring, there's little unrecognizable by her photo-sets and edits. They helped me even tip-toe into uncharted with giving me the recipes to try incorporating gifs into my arsenal. Plus so delightfully pleasant to actually talk with and just chill. I want nothing less in life, than the beauty they give, to be returned to them for eternity in all their glorious air. If ever needed anything of me, they've got me. @spotofmummery - We talk about passion or friendliness or overall a person to even remotely try to be, I got to include them. Their web-series and writing, screen-work, everything they do is fantastic. And that's furthered back nearly any I've met showcase or immortalize how just genuine of stellar person they are. I wish them always the energy to create and sparks. @snow-covered-moon - They've never been anything less but absolutely a diamond to know. I enjoy their character, their almost always abundant of energy that's very rub inducing. Their WoL character stories, writing, screen-shots, everyday they open up a new pandora box of joy, there's no mistaken love behind their character and that's infectiously easy to also enjoy something when the author does too. Always healthy to be around, I never feel short of vitality when they're close-by. @letheofthelost - Always cheerful or least encapsulates with me, they're a carnival ride. Just pure epic story-telling and engaging equally as passionate, constantly writing characters, not looking for anything outside of RP or anything really just being their selves, they fade all others. I love their presence, them as a person. Enjoy any character they'll ever come and throw under me, or a change of pace. Always feels easily understandable between one another. @crow-iv - Together we're an unfiltered, unstoppable wake of pure passionate writers and art. But I would say they're far ahead of me, in every regard. Already able to portray multiple characters in a scene and do such in-depth thinking, alongside even sketch or draw right afterwards or a scene. They're so talented, huge reason I set-out on giving them a Crew of cast and actual stories to-tell when I'm actually caught up and if they interested and we both have the room, I really think if further myself, I can be better and supply more for them to draw and I want to see them soar. I want to give them all my improvements and effectiveness. @trishelle - They've such a reinforcing personality and aura around them that easily bolsters anything that dares thinking they're about to be depleted so energizing. Aesthetics, characters, all them are so lively that further compliment their own mun's great welcoming presence. Worth hundreds of smiles and stars, keep high. Wish I had more time to dedicate to learning you! But I do notice and appreciate you. @fracturedfantasia - One of my people, I like to retreat and just talk my full

head-cannons with or learn, share insightful and inquisitive thoughts about philosophies and multi-culture things. Or plotting and in-general, they're a well of information and brimming ideas, they are every making of what makes a quality friend. When you can generally be open-about-all that's a real one right there. Their characters and tarot readings, I always would implore if they're offering. Thanks for giving me any-time. You're truly a treasure. @violet-warder - Never have even came to words with them yet unfortunately but didn't mean as a mutual, I haven't admired all their screenies, writing, or the aesthetics they bring of their character. Glamours is real end-game, I like all what you've done and put together. I care strictly about what represent and give, I don't want to see them ever think anyone want's them gone, they are abundantly so talented and possess things only they can deliver. I think recently came back too, and I'm glad to share, hopefully, overtime I can build you better up. Or eventually even talk, but I'm certain you are a busy-body person too, so we're relatable. @layla-grey - I have a lot of underline issues that set me back as a flawed person, but I've never not been anything but someone who's open, it's why I always do include my f-list in anything or etc. I'm not here to present this facade, and really don't care to be an image crafted by another. No one as of recently or now, am I close with as an RP partner or friend with then this stunning masterpiece. I never let-up on story-telling or anything so I can eventually use my Crew or other Characters, to give them anytime a master entertaining day, they push me to not be short-changed. IC and OOC I would devote my full attention too cause they've never shed from me. Didn't ever matter how much silence or anything, they're always around. And don't expect anything out of me or pressure. Just accept me and I equally share that sentiment, I want you to have everything in this world has to offer. ----- This is just a fraction of people, I've paid attention, noticed or know. I've been around in this Community for many years. There's a lot of things I could say about it, more probably then anyone else. But what matters to me, is recognizing the people who are here, that work hard, build others up, support, constantly are a beam. I don't need to interact with everyone, to know when someone is generally out for good. Or they're out for bad I've learned inquisitiveness longtime ago, I had to survive and remain afloat. I just go out and be me, and along the way, I get to find people like these, who help bring out the best me. I am nothing without these people, creators, writers, artist. I'm a terrible friend, horrible person, I don't have the energy to interact NEARLY with as much as I'd like with you all, If I could clone myself, or if things were different, I would drop it all to be in your orbits more if could. But, do know I appreciate you. And even if you ever do depart from this whole community or anything, know that anything you share, or give, that stuff does matter, somewhere, someone was aspired, if nothing else, by me. ONLY you can give the worlds you see and I am thankful. Do love yourself.