#he did this to make boston think that he would forgive him and stay his friend

[forcebookish]

you guys... when mew said that he wasn't going to be as filthy as boston.... he was lying........

[cowgurrrl]

She’s A Gun

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: *John Mulaney voice* My wife is a bitch and I love her SO much (gif by @salome-c) I also didn’t know how to end this so sorry

Summary: Somebody didn’t give the new guy a heads up about talking about Joel Miller’s family [1.6k]

Warnings: idiots in love, a quick mention of a queer slur, I can’t think of anything else!!

You catch him looking at you across the room as you sip some new whiskey Tommy traded for. He looks young and fresh-faced without many scars or littering the surface of his skin. His eyes are bright when they meet yours, and you give him a polite smile before returning to your drink. Unsurprisingly, he bellies up to the bar a few minutes later. You glance at the door, and the man follows your gaze. 

"You meeting someone?" He asks. The bartender, a kind man named Nick, flashes you a look, but you wave him off, turning to the younger man, who is dead set on making his presence known. 

"You must be new." You say, and he laughs as he holds out his hand. 

"You got me. I'm Luke," He says. You meet him halfway and shake his hand, giving him your name. "Where are you from?"

"I came here from Boston."

"You're a long way from home. What brought you here?" 

"Long story."

"Is it longer than the time it would take to get you another drink?" 

"I can get my own drink, but thank you."

"'Course," he says but doesn't move from his place next to you. "What do you do here in Jackson?" He asks, and you open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off. "Let me guess. School teacher. No, a nurse."

"I work patrols, but good guess."

"Oh, I'm going to work patrols, too. I actually just signed up for my first shift tomorrow. Speaking of which, do you know anything about this guy… Miller, I think, is his name. I heard he's a hard ass."

"Joel or Tommy?"

"There's multiple?" He asks, and you smirk as you sip your drink.

"There's a few of 'em hanging around, yeah. What did they say? Maybe I can," you shrug and try to hide the amusement in your voice. "Help you figure it out."

"Well, this guy, Seth, said Miller shouldn't even be in Jackson. Something about him killing people to get by before coming here, but he gets to stay because he's buddies with Maria. Apparently, he's a hell of a shot, though. I heard a rumor that he once shot an Infected from a mile away, but I'll believe it when I see it." He says, and you nod. 

You remember that day well. Tommy had been bragging about his marksmanship, mostly telling big fish stories, and you finally got sick of it. Joel told you to leave it, but you had to see. When you went on patrol the next day, you and Tommy had a competition to see how far he could actually shoot. You passed the gun back and forth to see who could hit accurately and how far. You were the one holding the gun when the Infected bound his way up the hill and quickly went down as the bullet buried in his skull. You didn't think that story would've made the rounds, though. 

"What else did Seth say?" You ask, and he puffs his cheeks out as he shakes his head.

"He told me to stay away from him. Something about not fucking with people like that because he's ruthless, especially when it comes to his kid. He said Miller yelled at him last week because he said something to her. Just... totally lost his mind like a crazy person." It wasn't just something. He called my daughter a dyke, you think to yourself. Joel may have pushed him and made him leave, but you threatened to ruin his fucking life. If you ever hear him say something like that to Ellie again, you'll make Joel look like the poster child for forgiveness. You bite the inside of your cheek and save that information for later. 

Seth wasn't warning Luke about Joel. He was warning him about you.

"And you're sure he was talking about a man?"

"Pretty sure. I mean, I know people do lots of shitty things to stay alive, but I can't imagine a woman instilling that much fear in a man like Seth," He says, and you hum. "No offense."

"None taken." You smile and watch his guard come down just enough for him to feel comfortable reaching for your arm.

"I wish I had known they let women as beautiful as you out on patrol. I would've signed up with you instead of Miller." He says, and you almost gag. Joel's hand skims your lower back almost as if on cue, and you turn to face him. He kisses you a second too long before looking over your shoulder to face the stranger who looks embarrassed. His arm wraps protectively around your middle, and he's close enough that you can smell his shampoo over the bar’s stench of stale beer.

"Great timing. This is Luke. He's starting patrols tomorrow," You say. Joel reaches across the space to shake his hand, and Luke winces at his too-tight grip. "Luke, this is my husband, Joel Miller," you wish you had a camera to take a picture of the stunned look on his face when he hears the last name. "Joel, we were just talking about the last time I was on patrol with Tommy."

"You're Miller?" Luke asks, suddenly looking pale. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, I thought I mentioned it. I'm sorry, I'm probably losing my mind." You echo Seth's words and smack yourself on the forehead dramatically. Luke drains his drink before glancing around the room.

"It was great to meet you, man. Um, I'm gonna run to the bathroom really fast." He says and takes several steps away from the bar. 

"Oh, so soon? I was hoping you and Joel could talk about routes."

"Maybe later." He says, and with that, he's gone. You smile and turn in Joel's arms to face him.

"Jesus, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. What did you say to him?" 

"Seth was warning him about the mercenary who's buddies with Maria and shot an Infected from a mile away, asked if I knew anything about the guy."

"Seth should learn to keep his fuckin' mouth shut." He grumbles, and you nod.

"It didn't help his case that he tried flirting with me. Even asked if I was a school teacher." You say, and he gives you a look. His warm fingers reach under your shirt collar to pull out the chain with your wedding band on it.

"Maybe if you actually wore this, that wouldn't happen so often."

"C'mon, everybody knows I'm yours. It's not my fault no one gave him the run down," you say, and he tugs on the chain to kiss you, his big hands moving to hold your jaw. He swallows your gasp when he licks into your mouth, sending a zing of electricity down your spine. He's a touch too handsy for a public space, but you're not complaining. "I don't see you wearing yours out on patrol either." You say, pulling away before he can start something he can't finish, at least not in public. Still, his hand slips into your back pocket, squeezing your ass through the denim.

"Don't want to lose a finger. Besides, everybody knows I'm yours," he parrots, and you smile. A familiar, old country song plays over the speakers, and Joel lights up at the first few chords. "Will you dance with me?" He asks, pressing light kisses to your jaw to butter you up. You lock your arms around his shoulders and let yourself forget about everyone else in the bar. 

"And to think there was a time when you hated PDA."

"That was before someone tried hittin' on my wife," he says, and you feel like your face will get stuck from smiling so much. It's been three months since the small backyard wedding officiated by Tommy and Maria. Ellie walked you down the aisle— more of a patch of grass than anything else— and acted as your maid of honor. When Tommy asked if she agreed to give you to Joel, she said, "it's not like she's fucking property, but sure." She beamed so brightly when she realized you each included her in your vows, promising to love and protect her as much as you love and protect each other. It wasn't planned, but the unexpected matching further proved that you three are a family. Still, you don't know if you'll ever get used to hearing Joel call you his wife. "Dance with me, please." He pouts into your neck, and you finally give in, grabbing his hand and leading him to the dance floor. 

He pulls you close, and you bury your face in his neck as you slowly dance to Tanya Tucker's voice. He sings along for only you to hear, his accent getting stronger as he does. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him and listening to him sing the same song you used to sing along to while driving on backroads. You would marry him again if you could. You think you would marry him in every lifetime.

Scary rumors of mercenaries and blood on your hands fade from your mind. To men like Seth and Luke, you are a subversion of their holy mother. You are bloody and broken, a monster beyond saving. You are a warzone with a heartbeat.

But to Joel, you are the most sacred thing he's ever held. It's not enough to erase the rumors and nightmares about you, but it's enough to knock the wind out of you and make you love your husband that much more. That has to count for something. 

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Tag list: @evyiione

[le-trash-prince]

THIS SCENE

THIS SCENE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME

First of all, shout-out to Nick for quietly but assuredly knocking on the door to the stall while Boston and his hookup are making out and then proceeding to give a heartfelt apology and confession, as if the hookup isn’t even there. 95% of people wouldn’t be caught dead even walking into the bathroom, and the other 5% would cause a loud, raging scene. Nick is in his own league.

Also I do feel bad for the hookup for getting interrupted and then having to stand at the back of the bathroom stall during all this. Shoutout to you bro.

Anyways can I just gush and be emotional over this scene? After everything that Nick has done to try and keep Boston by his side, he comes in with this speech to say goodbye, and he gives Boston so many things that he needed to hear.

First of all, this apology was absolutely necessary, as was the “You don’t have to forgive me.” Boston hasn’t gotten a single acknowledgment that what happened to him was messed up. The only apology Nick gave before was when he was begging Boston to stay, and that’s not a real apology, that’s just saying what you think someone wants to hear. While Nick could have gone into more detail about why what he did was wrong, this is still a heartfelt and genuine apology. He’s not apologizing just to make Boston happy with him. He’s not begging for forgiveness. He’s just saying that he’s sorry.

Then there’s this. This is one of the things I love about BostonNick because they do seem so truly happy around each other, even outside the bedroom. And Nick has never said it until now. Boston has gotten closer to saying this than Nick. And Boston probably hasn’t heard this from anyone before.

We know that Boston is used to people only wanting him for sex. We know he was surprised when Nick asked him to help move because he couldn’t comprehend someone wanting a favor from him that wasn’t sexual in nature.

Earlier this episode, Atom compliments Boston’s photography skills, but that conversation was about sex and Atom trying to get into Boston’s pants. Nick has already made it clear that he isn’t asking for anything, and I don’t think Boston is used to people complimenting him without an angle.

But this is the part that Boston needed to hear the most. Because honestly, who doesn’t need to hear this?

“You’re not a bad guy.” Boston especially is constantly villainized by the people around him, when there’s only a few specific things that he has really done wrong. And this statement wouldn’t hit the same coming from anyone else. Because Nick knows everything that Boston has done wrong, and Nick has done some of those same things himself. Nick means it when he says Boston isn’t bad. And this in itself is an apology for things Nick has said before. That Boston is a bad guy, that he deserved what he got for sleeping around.

“Your friends love you for who you are�� It’s the way Boston has to steel himself for a moment when Nick says this. Hats off to you, Boston coz I’d be weeping. You are so dedicated to not feeling emotions but Nick has gotten to you.

“Because I love you for who you are.” Honestly do y’all think Boston has ever expected that he would hear these words? Boston is so scared of being known. He tries to wear his confidence on his sleeve, but he is scared of exposure and he is scared of letting people close.

And yet here is Nick, who knows Boston. Who knows that Boston lusts freely and openly, who knows that Boston can be mean with the truth, and that he has the fatal human flaw of desiring companionship. And he loves him. Who doesn’t want that!!

Boston is processing more feelings in this moment than he has in his entire life. The Boston of 8 episodes ago would not care about Nick saying goodbye. The shirt is bang on the nose once again because the old Boston, the pre-Nick Boston would be smiling like nothing mattered. But instead, his walls have crumbled.

I cannot say enough that I love the way this scene closed. That this is what pushes Boston to chase after Nick. The development!!! 😔🤌✨

And then we end with a parallel shot from before the bathroom!! The cinematic poetry is killing me. Nick seeing Boston with someone else and deciding to move on—and then Boston seeing Nick with someone else and realizing that he wants to hold on.

I need ppl to yell about this with because I’m not okay, I love this red flag ship, and I want to glue this scene to my eyeballs.

[toasttt11]

forever

May 2, 2025

It’s been a few days since Kensington was allowed to go home to her apartment in Pittsburgh after her knee surgery, her family, Will, Ryan and Gabe stayed the few days.

Kensington had a little while before she was allowed to fly and go home to Michigan so she was staying in Pittsburgh for a bit, her parents and brothers went home in the morning and Gabe and Ryan both had a final they had to get to back in Boston so they went back too.

Will was done with his finals for the year and done with the school year so he was staying with Kensington until she goes back to Michigan and he would go back to Boston to pack up his dorm.

Will took them all to the airport early in the morning and had Kensington go back to bed, he stopped on the way back and picked up açaí bowls for them for breakfast.

He walked into Kensington’s apartment shutting the door behind him and slipping his shoes and setting them on her shoe rack, he walked down the hallway and into her room. Will set down the açaí bowls on her dresser and walked over to the bed.

Will gently sat down next to her on the bed and smiled softly at her peacefully sleeping, he gently brushed her hair out of her face and gently rubbed her cheek making her slowly wake up.

“Hi my love.” Will lovingly whispered as her eyes opened, Kensington sleepily smiled as Will leaned down pressing a gentle kiss to her forhead.

“I got you breakfast.” Will told her making her tilt her head curiously, “You want an açaí bowl?” Will smiled watching her nod quickly.

Will stood up and grabbed their bowls and went around the bed sitting on the other side and leaned up against the headboard and handed on of the bowls to her.

Kensington happily hummed and took the bowl and immediately taking a bite, “Thank you.” Kensington mumbled as she ate. Will just smiled and kissed the top of her head.

The two are their breakfast together in a peaceful comfortable silence.

Kensington took her last bite and put the empty bowl on her nightstand and leaned her head back on Will’s shoulder as he finished up his bowl.

Kensington let out a small breath and she knew she had to apologize. She watched as Will got up and took their trash to the trash can and then came back, Kensington patted the spot in front of her by the pillow that held up her knee.

Will sat down on the spot facing Kensington, she grabbed his hands softly, “You deserve an apology.” Will tried to say something but Kensington kindly shook her head squeezing his hands, “Please let me do this.” Will reluctantly nodded.

“I am so incredibly sorry Will.” Kensington looked straight at him, “I was scared that being so far away that we would fall out love or you would fall out of love with me. And i think i was looking for any excuse to protect my self so when i got hurt i kinda just blocked out everyone and i’m sorry that i did that too. I love you Will and i have for years and i’m so so sorry that i treated you that way and i would understand if you wanted to break up with me.” Kensington rambled out a lot of words.

Will cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers for the first time in months, He pulled back and rested his forehead to her, “I am never breaking up with you okay.” Will spoke softly rubbing her cheek making her nod, “I forgive you Kensington Grace Hughes.” Will’s words made her smile wobbly with emotion.

“I was scared too when you left, i thought you were so distance because you were falling out of love with me.” Will softly admitted and saw her eyes widen, “And i know that’s isn’t true and you do love me.” Will softly reassured her.

Kensington softly nudged her nose against his. Will fondly smiled and nudged her nose back.

“But we don’t need to worry about that anymore.” Will spoke gaining a confused look from her, “I’m joining the NHL next season but not the sharks…”

Kensington’s eyes widen not even knowing he was traded, Will squeezed her hand, “It’s not out yet no one but the two teams know. But i’m joining you in Pittsburgh.” Will told her with a fond lovingly smile.

Kensington gasped, “You’re coming to the pens?!?” Kensington excitedly stammered out looking at him with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah i hope you have room for one more next year.” Will softly teased laughing softly.

Kensington happily giggled lunging forward hugging him tightly and Will didn’t realize how much he missed the sound of her giggles.

“We are going to be teammates again.” Kensington happily whispered in their hug. Will squeezed her tighter kissing the top of her head.

“We are.” Will let out long sigh holding her tighter and pressing multiple soft kisses to her head.

“I love you.” Kensington lifted her head up to look at Will with a smile that has always been reserved just for him.

Will beamed leaning down pressing a slow and soft kiss to her lips, “I love you so so so much, my gray.” Will whispered against her lips before kissing her multiple times after making her giggle.

“Will you come to the lake house after you go to Boston?” Kensington asked softly looking at him with hopeful eyes.

“As long as you want me to be there i’ll be there.” Will softly promised cupping her face pressing a kiss to her forhead.

“So forever then.” Kensington’s nose scrunched from the as but she beamed at her boyfriend.

Will smiled pressing another kiss to her forehead, “Forever.” Will softly promised.

Kensington un wrapped her arms form Will and gently and slowly laid down patting the spot next to her and Will laid down wrapping his arms around her from behind resting his chin on her shoulder and gently pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

[heretherebedork]

How would you change the Only Friends ending? You can only change episode 12 though, the rest is the same. What would you do differently? Personally, I think Boeing should have started the fire. Also Cheum would have actually apologized and would have had to take a long, hard look in the mirror at the kind of person she is.

Am I making it better or am I making it messier or am I just trying to stay on theme?

We'll do one for me.

Cheum would find Boston to apologize and Boston would have turned her down and said he didn't need her or the friends that were so eager to believe that about him. He might be heartbroken over losing Nick and the people he's cared about but now he gets to see how they really view him and he doesn't need that before he goes to New York. Cheum realizes that she's been quick to judge people eher whole life and also has a talk with Atom about what he did. Top and Mew would actually talk about the whole forgiveness thing and Mew would agree that still saying he'd bring it up in future fights was wrong of him. Ray and Sand would have to mutually apologize for things that have gone wrong and Sand would call Ray his boyfriend first in at least one scene. Nick would be seen on dates with Dan and we'd know that he was still friends with Boston even if he couldn't handle dating him.

Bonus Biggest Change: Boeing sets the fire to try to prove to Mew that he couldn't handle Top at his worst and Top actually has a panic attack and doesn't just get over his trauma thanks to the power of love. Mew is with him and realizes how immature he's been about Top's issues and how quick everyone is to write him off. Then everyone teams up to take Boeing down because he's fucked up too much, it brings everyone back together, even Boston (though reluctantly) and after that they have a much better NYE's together and there are apologies and even if there isn't forgiveness there's something changed between all of them and everyone is more peaceful. Boston still gives Nick the picture but this time Nick accepts it as it's meant to be and thanks him and we see him and Dan making out under it later and Boston happily walking into the airport to start a new life.

[idlyfretting]

they are longing to stray

(Read on Ao3)

Steve tried to ignore the empty cushion next to him, staring determinedly at the TV across the room. He’d popped in a VHS without looking at the case, before settling down with his reheated leftovers. It was some subpar action movie, one that he pretended to like more than he actually did just to annoy Robin. 

The absence of her running commentary somehow made the movie worse. 

He hadn’t seen Robin in two weeks. It was the longest they’d gone without talking to each other since Starcourt.

Steve picked at the fried rice in his lap, moving it around more than actually eating it. It was the last bit of food in the fridge. He needed to stop on his way home tomorrow and stock up. He should have done it last week, but he hadn’t really felt like doing anything last week.

He missed her.

God, this is worse than a break up. He would have laughed at himself if he wasn’t so fucking sad. 

It was like Robin had taken half his soul with him when she’d stormed out of their apartment two Saturdays ago. Like she’d packed her duffle, snagged her jacket off of the counter, and ripped his arms off on her way out the door. He didn’t feel like a whole person anymore.

One of their coworkers at the coffee shop had called them ‘unhealthily codependent’ once. Steve thought he understood what they’d meant now. 

He wanted Robin back. He’d do anything to get her to walk back through that door, call him an asshole, and stomp into her room. He’d take the silent treatment over her just being gone. Hell, he’d take five more screaming matches and hurt feelings, and words neither of them mean to say but can never take back, over this emptiness. 

The worst thing is he knows where she is. He knows the number he could call. He could beg for forgiveness, say he was sorry a million times, tell her he’d never say anything about who she wants to date ever again. 

He could say he was lying when he’d shouted that it wasn’t jealousy, even though that would be a lie itself. He could say that he didn’t know anything about healthy relationships, he had no place to judge. 

He could call. But he also couldn’t. Because Robin probably didn’t want him to, wanted him to keep his apologies to himself. She probably wanted him to fuck off and never talk to her again. She hadn’t called him after all. And after a conversation with one of her friends at NYU, he realized she hadn’t called anyone except her professors, telling them she had to leave town for a bit and asking for extensions or forwarded schoolwork. Dana had asked if Steve knew what had happened.

“I’m trying not to be worried, but this just isn’t like her.”

“She’ll be back. She wouldn’t just drop out in the middle of the semester.” Steve had told himself that repeatedly, trying to soothe his own worry.

“I know, I know. You’re right. But it still doesn’t make any sense. Did anything happen? Nothing seemed wrong in any of the classes we share, so maybe it was a personal thing–” She interrupted herself with a gasp. “Oh my god . Was it a girl? I know she was talking to that one from Boston, got all flustered whenever she brought her up. Do you think it had anything to do with that?”

Steve hadn’t known how to answer that. What was he supposed to say?

Yeah, it was about that girl from Boston. But not really, I guess. It was more to do with how Robin had somehow fallen ass over teakettle in love with my ex, who had been visiting New York with her girlfriend for a few days and then kept coming back alone every weekend after that to hang out with Robin. 

And then Robin came home one morning after staying out all night with her, and said they’d kissed and then more-than-kissed and then decided they wanted to start dating each other. 

And instead of being happy for her, I opened my big mouth and said “Fuck, not again.”

So he couldn’t call Robin. Because that would mean calling her in Boston. 

Which would mean calling Nancy. 

And one: he really didn’t want to do that.

Two: he was pretty sure she’d just hang up on him anyway, especially if Robin had told her about their fight.

Three: if she didn’t hang up, all he probably would have gotten was Tina’s Halloween Party: The Sequel. Which was maybe a little unfair of him to think. But he was sad and his best friend was gone, so fuck it. He could be a little bitter. It helped him with the guilt that was eating away at his brain. 

Fuck, he missed Robin.

He dumped the leftovers into the trash, having only eaten a few bites. He washed the tupperware on autopilot. It was starting to stain, they’d need to replace the set soon. They’d… he’d? 

He hoped it was still a they. He hoped he hadn’t fucked this up beyond repair. Robin would come back. Steve would grovel. She’d call him a dingus. And they’d never bring up Nancy ever again. 

That would be difficult with Robin and Nancy dating of course, but Steve was aces at ignoring shit when he didn’t want to talk about it. And he had the feeling Robin would be okay with this one exception to their ‘telling each other absolutely everything, even when it was gross’ schtick.

He shut off the TV and the lights and made his way to his bedroom in the dark. The room he had here in New York could not be more different that the one he’d had back in Hawkins. His high school bedroom had been plucked right out of a Home & Gardens spread, no personality and absolutely no warmth. The room he was in now was painted a creamy yellow and covered in posters and pictures and paintings. The small desk in the corner was overflowing with loose leaf papers, random textbooks, and unwashed clothes. It looked more like a teenager’s room than his actual one had. 

On his first visit to their apartment, Dustin had taken one step into his room, smiled, and said “So this is what it feels like to be inside your head.”

With the lights off, Steve could barely make out anything, seeing mostly dark rectangles on the walls and messy blobs piled on the floor. He stripped down to his boxers and face planted into his bed. Sleep was unlikely, but maybe if he closed his eyes and pretended hard enough, he could get enough rest to make it through tomorrow without crying.

(Read on Ao3)

[evita-shelby]

Incantatrice

Chapter 20

Cw: murder, suicide, ghosts and blood

A/N: friends, romans, countrymen, it has been an honor to write this fic with y'all

Special thanks to @thegreatdragonfruta @zablife @wandawiccan60 @call-sign-shark @cljordan-imperium and @minaethrym

It has been a year since Grace died in his arms. Had she lived would their marriage have survived the year, he wonders?

Would she have lived to leave him and take Charlie or would she have stuck by his side even as the Italians kill them one by one?

Tommy is pushed to call for a truce after Arthur’s death. So close to Grace’s death that their funerals take place the same day even if a year apart.

First John now Arthur. Only Finn remains and he has been packed off to Boston with Ada and Karl for their safety.

“Where will you go?” Polly asks him after she tells him of her plans to go to Australia and find Anna’s grave. Michael is hesitant to go, but keeps his knowledge of Polly’s deal with Luca a secret.

Self-preservation trumps all after all. Not that he blames them.

“Hell, finally.” Tommy is strangely at peace with it.

With Grace and Lizzie and little Charlie he had considered staying alive, but now he knows it was never the sapphire, he is the curse.

As long as he lives, everyone he loves will keep dying.

First with Grace and now with Arthur.

He might make it easier for Luca and just take his revolver into his mouth. No one but Tommy Shelby can kill Tommy Shelby.

They have lost anyways.

“I would have said there is still a chance, but I don’t think there is even if we had divine intervention.” The witch taps the card that came next in their last reading.

Two of cups, failure, loss.

The vendetta would be over, the Changrettas the winners.

But at least its over.

“If you can keep an eye on Charlie for me, I would forgive you for betraying me, Pol.”

His aunt nods sadly, and leaves to catch the last train to London.

“Do it, Thomas, we will be together again, me and you and Charlie watching us from heaven with Lizzie and little Ruby.” Grace’s voice said as if she stood behind him.

The way she adds Charlie’s name sends a shiver down his spine.

Had the Italians killed him?

“Luca doesn’t keep his promises, my love, he took my sweet boy even if he wasn’t your son.” The ghost says and he turns to see her in her modest clothes when she was a barmaid, when she pretended to be the woman he fell in love with. “Join us, while we wait for the others, Tom. Just take the gun and join us.”

And he does.

Thomas Shelby is thirty-six years old when he takes his own life.

On a two of cups he wrote: “You did not keep your word.”

And just like that, it is over.

The villain defeated, the dead avenged and England ripe for the taking.

And yet Eva’s wine tastes like blood all the same.

It never got easier for her, killing even indirectly always made her see how further and further the light is.

“Tonight we celebrate our victory, maga. Tomorrow my mother comes with the children and our new life truly begins.” Luca takes the glass and kissed her hands drenched in blood only she can see.

“You killed them all didn’t you?” He is covered in blood as well, but his have the handprints of children on his pristine white shirt.

Luca plays dirty, she should’ve known he wont let them live.

“A vendetta is a vendetta, I couldn’t take any chances, Eva.” He explains his actions so well she can almost believe his lies.“I didn’t want to, but I had to, vita mia.”

He wanted then dead, always has.

His brother and father’s death only gave him the reasons to finally do it.

“Why?” she asks as to why he’d go so far.

Polly and Michael never got on their train, Ada and the two boys never reached Benjamin Younger where he waited for them to start their life together.

Every single drop of Shelby blood had been spilled over the earth on his orders while they celebrated Tommy’s suicide.

“Because I don’t forgive those who betray me.” Luca’s hold on her wrists become manacles, manacles that won’t ever come off now.

The shadow that she saw the day they married had never left, how could it leave when it had become them.

A year ago today the shadow had begun to consume Luca and now the transformation was complete.

The man who stands before her has become the true devil of Birmingham, and she his queen.

He is not the man you think he is, she can hear Audrey’s warnings.

But I do know him, the witch reminds herself, they’d been married for six years and she knows him.

She should’ve known he wasn’t going to stop until everyone was dead. And now that Shelby was gone, he wouldn’t stop until all of England fears the Black Hand.

Sabini will learn that the hard way when he outlives his use to her husband. Poor little Aurora will die just like her parents and siblings will too.

And because she loves him, she will help him every step of the way.

“A good thing I never plan to, mi amor.” The witch let go of his hands and wrapped them around his neck.

No matter what she will never regret choosing him over all the men the world had offered her that day.

With a kiss she lets the darkness consume her as it seeps in through her mouth in a loving kiss.

Fin

[jerzwriter]

Moving On

Hey, don't blame me!🙃Thank you to @dcbbw for sending me this angsty prompt from Grey's Anatomy for Ethan x MC. This is for @choicesprompts Rewrite Event.

For those who don't know, I have two Open Heart worlds, Ethan/Kaycee and Tobias/Casey. In the latter, Casey had a brief affair with Ethan during her intern year. But they never reunited after his "reset." Later, she begins dating Dr. Tobias Carrick, unaware that he was Ethan's former best friend. This fic takes place not long after Ethan learns of Casey & Tobias's budding relationship.

Book: Open Heart (Book 2)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (past)

Based on: This scene from Grey's Anatomy

Rating: Teen + / Angst

Words: 1,100

Summary: When Ethan left for a WHO mission without saying a word to Casey, then returned with a "reset" in mind, he told her that he wanted her to move on. Now that she has, he's not taking it too well.

A/N: Before y'all complain - I asked everyone for scenes to recreate for Ethan, and no one sent fluffy ones, so here you are. lol This actually fits into my HC for my Tobias x Casey world. I did alter the original scene to better fit this story. There is one place where you'll see italic text. Those are lines that are directly from the Grey's clip. I hope I did it justice.

Edenbrook was one of the top hospitals in the world, located in the busy city of Boston, there was never a lack of chaos within its walls. Sometimes, that benefited those who worked there and practically called it home. Many an indiscretion could go undetected under such conditions, even with an extensive gossip grapevine in place. But sometimes, things were too big to ignore. And the way Dr. Ramsey was barreling down the hall right now was one of those things.

The broad-shouldered doctor stood at an impressive six-foot-three. Standing about a head above most of the people he plowed out of the way with a mere glance. While he wasn’t known for his affability, his behavior today was exaggerated, even for him. The muscles on his face were taught, and the fire in his eyes bordered on rage.   When an intern joked that you could see steam emitting from his ears... it was only a mild exaggeration.

All eyes followed him as he flung the heavy stairwell door open with such force it bounced off the cinderblock wall, the loud crash reverberating down the hall. Overcome with curiosity, many bystanders wished to follow him, though no one dared – until Dr. Casey MacTavish appeared.

With all attention on Ethan, no one noticed the young woman flying down the hallway, making good use of the path he just cleared. Casey was the antithesis of Ethan in many ways: pleasant, charming, approachable, forgiving, but right now, none of those traits were present. The indignance on her face and every movement she made matched his ire. So when she followed him through the door, even the most die-hard gossip knew it was best to stay away.

Ethan had already climbed a flight of stairs when she entered the stairwell.

“Ethan!” She hollered, rushing to catch up with him. “Who the hell do you think you are, and what makes you think you can speak to me like that?”

He was normally a logical man, and his visceral reaction was to continue; he knew that would be best. But the best decisions aren't made when one is blinded by anger, and he turned around so quickly, Casey nearly crashed into him.

“Who do I think I am?” He growled, attempting to keep his composure, even as the throbbing vein in his temple betrayed him. “I don't know, Casey, but I'll tell you what I’m not. I’m not getting caught doing god knows what in supply closets with a different person every other week. If I’m keeping count correctly, it was Dr. Carrick last week. Now, who was this one? They’re brand new here. I haven’t even had a chance to learn their name yet... did you? Or does the name even matter?”

He quickly turned, assuming he had the last word. But if he was ever foolish enough to doubt Casey’s will and determination before, she was about to ensure he wouldn’t make that mistake again. Forcefully grabbing the lapel of his lab coat, she pulled him back to face her.

“How dare you!” She spat. “You misjudged what you just walked in on just now... and I’d explain it to you if I felt I owed you an explanation, but I don't! And how dare you sit in judgment of me for something you’ve done countless times yourself! The stories about your old days are legendary, Ethan! And before you say they’re just stories, don’t gaslight me. I haven't forgotten that I occupied those very spaces with you not long ago. So save your hypocrisy and watch how you talk to me in the future!"

His lip twitched before curling into a sardonic smirk, the logical side of his mind losing to the emotional side he so rarely trusted.

“I used to think so highly of you... even before you arrived at Edenbrook and certainly after. But your decisions... your choices recently... they’ve made me question everything I thought I knew about you. At least have the sensibility to follow my advice and contain your... extracurricular activities... to someplace outside of the hospital. If you want to be treated as a doctor who commands respect, then start acting like one!"

“Respect?” she laughed, with a voice that expressed anything but humor. “You want to talk... respect? Did you respect me last year when you entrusted me to keep your secrets? Or when I solved Naveen’s case and saved his life? Did you respect me when you carried me into your bed? Or when you led me to believe... when you told me we’d make it work... only to take off to another continent without so much as a word to me! How respectful was that! You can't sit in judgment of me, Ethan; you just don't get to!"

His hand trembled as he ran it down his face, lowering his voice to a hoarse whisper. “How long, Casey? How long before it was over between us did you hop into bed with someone else? Even if I was wrong today, I wasn’t wrong about you and Carrick. You can’t explain that away.”

“What are you saying? You don’t get to insinuate that I’m a whore! Not after all you've done to me! When I met you, I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! Other men? Other women? They meant nothing. I was done! But you left me! You took it upon yourself to decide our future without so much as a word to me. And now I’m glued back together. And I"ll make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. I make no apologies for moving on with my life... like you told me to do! If you're angry, you might want to examine why. Are you angry with me for moving on? Of with yourself for being w stupid enough to let me go.”

Now, it was her turn to walk away. Her body trembled, and angry tears rose to her eyes as she raced down the stairs. Ethan was motionless, processing her words, knowing they were true. He got the outcome he said he desired, and now, he was berating her for having the strength to see it through. The only one who deserved his outrage would be looking back at him that evening when he looked in the mirror. A pit formed in his stomach, he knew he was wrong.

He could tell her... try to make amends. He could ask for forgiveness and tell her that seeing her move on with someone else wasn’t what he wanted at all. But he pushed that all aside. This was the path he put them on. The road he deemed to be best, and he had no right to be angry at Casey for trying to find happiness on it.

“Casey,” he yelled as she reached for the door. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I have no right to be upset, to be angry at you. We... we’ve been over, and you have every right to move on with your life.”

“And that’s what I’m doing,” she said as she turned the know. “And I think it’s time that you do the same.”  

@openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

Other tags on reblog.

[jenyifer]

Does Boston want to leave Thailand?

It’s easy to get distracted by the NY at the top of this web page Boston is looking at but what the website is actually for is an online degree certification from I think the NY institute of Photography. It’s an online university.

The Hostel is Boston’s senior project? I don’t know how things work in Thailand with their school system but at least in one class Boston is likely to be passing. So I don’t think Boston’s dad will get the pleasure of kicking him out to New York. So… does Boston want to go?

I assumed previously that he was planning on leaving. But I suppose in the red room scene he does initially push back on the idea that he is definitely leaving. So Boston has a choice to make is this why he looks so serious in the promo for episode 9. He was mulling over his decision? Boston has lost everything that tied him to Thailand his friends don’t think of him or want to see him. He was betrayed by his no. 1. He sunk so low to sleep with his friends little brother. AND YET he’s staring intensely at this online degree? Sure it could be a mistake… maybe we are supposed to believe it’s an actual physical university in New York. However…. I’d like to think that

Maybe this sentence that Boston gave Nick about why he doesn’t want a relationship is Now a lie. Sleeping with Atom possibly put what Boston has been doing into perspective. He doesn’t really know Atom and it didn’t give Boston any pleasure to sleep with him. Possibly looking at the developing photo of a guy who he slept with reminded him that there was one person who did appreciate him. Maybe he thought taking this online course won’t be a waste of time if Nick or his friends eventually forgive him. Maybe he’s not as hopeless before Nick’s little speech as he appears to be.

Why else would Boston stay if all he is doing is wasting time?

[ranchthoughts]

Moments of ephemerality/permanence/YOLO/photography/voyeurism/control/hypocrisy/accountability etc. in Only Friends episode 11

we're in the home stretch now folks... look how far we've come

Ephemerality, YOLO, and permanence

QUITE a lot about ephemerality and permanence and the idea of "you only live once" this episode:

Sand tells Yo sometimes you have to take a risk in love, because maybe one day you will get really lucky and win the lottery -> YOLO

Top tells Mew that if Mew doesn't think he can forgive him it would be better to just end it, that living in uncertainty and fluctuating circumstances is painful -> the pain of ephemerality

As they discuss their fight from last episode, Sand says next time Ray should listen first before getting upset -> Ray (and other characters) are impulsive and don't reflect before acting or speaking

Boeing tells Mew "I'm not going to wish you luck. You aren't going to make it anyways" -> Boeing thinks Mew and Top's relationship is not permanent or lasting

Ray and Sand make future plans to go to a music festival together -> planning for the future, anticipating permanence

Top says it is obvious Mew will never get over or forget what Top and Boston did, so what is the point of getting back together (Top's actions are too permanent and lasting), Mew asks if they can start over -> Mew is trying to have an ephemeral point of view about Top and Boston but he is struggling, he wishes it was as simple as starting over (which he already asked Top to do way back in episode 2); Top doesn't believe Mew can be "ephemeral" about this and says he doesn't know if he wants this second chance (if Mew and him have a lasting future together)

Mew's mother says if Mew still cares for Top and wants a future with him he is going to have to forgive (but not forget), she points out that when Top and Mew fight in the future he can't bring up Top's old actions every time, that if Mew is giving Top a chance he needs to move on too -> again, the idea of being ephemeral and permanent (forgiving and moving past things, but not forgetting entirely)

Mew tells Top that he might bring up Top sleeping with Boston up in fights in the future, that he doesn't know if he can fully forgive, and Top says "let's just leave it to the future" -> both a bit of a YOLO mindset, but also with an eye towards permanency and having a future together

Boeing has applied to be a flight attendant -> a job that involves a lot of moving, not staying in the same place very much, etc.

Boeing strikes out with Mew and Top and immediately goes after Ray and Sand -> sowing chaos where ever and whenever, not tied to any particular couple/person or plan

Sand says he wants to be rich so "On a boring day, I would just go to the airport and pick where I want to go without caring about the cost" -> once again we see the idea that wealth allows you to live in the moment, to live ephemerally and without consequences, that boredom is an issue for the wealthy but it can be rectified easily by being spontaneous (and that wealthy people seek out spontaneity/live life with a YOLO mindset because they are frequently bored)

Ray sings aloud in the record store -> against social norms to do so and Sand is shocked and quickly goes to stop him, Ray (and wealthy people as a whole) don't think of consequences in the same way as others

Boston and Nick discuss relationships - that Boston hasn't been interested in relationships because he is moving to New York soon, that Nick might be an exception to this rule, then Boston proposes being boyfriends for the short time until he leaves, Nick questions what is the point of being boyfriends then, Boston says "I just want to spend the time I have left loving you" -> the ephemerality of Boston's relationships and time in Thailand and how that informs his YOLO approach to life, the permanency and steadfastness of Nick in Boston's life, Boston proposing a solid and definitive relationship (boyfriends) that is nonetheless quite ephemeral (it has a short time frame) while being conclusive (it has a defined time frame) and also a bit YOLO (even if it is short lived, it doesn't mean they shouldn't go for it - @lurkingshan talked about that here, as did @thatgirl4815 here)

Boston says what he likes about Nick is how Nick stands by him regardless of what he has done -> the permanence and constancy of Nick

Ray says "I collect a lot of details about you" to Sand -> the permanency of memory, collecting and archiving moments and details

Boeing appeals to Sand with concert tickets and reminiscing about visiting music festivals in the past together, but Sand doesn't take the opening to reminisce -> again, memories and the permanency of past and connection, but also the ephemerality of both things (Sand doesn't want to go down memory lane, people might forget things, etc.)

Sand says he doesn't want to swim with Ray and Boeing because he doesn't have any underwear -> Sand is not a YOLO guy in many ways, he's thinking about consequences

Change

I've been tracking changes in the characters as well as how the characters talk about change over the past many weeks (1, 2, 3, 4), and as we head into the home stretch of OF it's interesting to see where characters are landing:

Dan tells Nick "Whatever you want me to do or to be, just let me know" -> change is possible, Dan can change to be whatever Nick wants in a relationship

Mew has been a bit all over the place (he said was skeptical of Top's ability to change and repent, then he had hope and wanted to give Top a second chance, then the appearance of Boeing made him hesitate again, etc.) but his general stance seems to be that people are capable of change, it just takes a lot of time and effort -> this episode, Mew once again says he wants to give Top a second chance, but actually wonders more about his own ability to change (will he be able to move on from Top's actions?)

Boeing says Top will be doing stuff like sleeping with other people in the future too, so it would be better for Mew to be with someone else -> Boeing, like many others, says that Top can't change

Boston says he hasn't been interested in relationships but Nick might be an exception -> Boston acknowledges a change with in himself and his own approach to relationships, he isn't afraid of trying something new

Honesty

We've had a fair amount of honesty in the last couple of weeks (1, 2), and not just to cause as much drama and pain as possible, like Boston and Ray's outbursts in episodes 5 and 6, but honesty that goes hand in hand with communication, boundaries, and accountability.

Dan upfront tells Nick he wants to be his boyfriend and asks permission (consent!)

Nick tells Atom directly he wants to flirt with him (consent!)

Mew tells Top he doesn't think he can forgive what Top did, and that he might bring it up in fights in the future

Top tells Mew his feelings about Mew playing around with Boeing, and is upfront that if Mew doesn't think he can get over it they should just end their relationship now (and is honest that that would hurt him, even more than Boeing and Mew sleeping together)

Boston is honest with Nick about leaving for New York and the time frame of their relationship if they were to be boyfriends

Boundaries

Of course, I've also been tracking both the setting and crossing of boundaries in this show (1, 2, 3, 4). This episode:

Mew tells Top on the phone not to come with him and "Cheum" on their hangout, Top shows up to see Mew anyways

Dan asks Nick if he can be his boyfriend, he says he is worried he is putting too much pressure on Nick

Sand is not answering his phone so Ray goes to find him

Boeing tells Mew Top told him to leave Mew alone

When approaching Atom, Nick immediately establishes if Atom is available or not and asks for consent to flirt with him

Top shows up at Mew's mothers' home, they invited him and have been in contact with him without Mew knowing

Ray asks Sand if he should be jealous of Boeing and Sand says no so Ray says he won't be jealous (I mean, up to interpretation if you think Ray actually followed through on not being jealous but...)

Top says he doesn't want to force Mew to make a decision, that he will give him space

Photography and social media

More and more photography! voyeurism! surveillance! social media!

Boston takes photos of Atom and Nick together as proof against Atom's claims, he threatens to post the photos on social media

Boston makes reference to an anonymous account that Atom has been using to make accusations of Boston

Boston takes so many photos of Nick he fills an entire roll of film

Boston uses photography as a metaphor for exclusivity ("But from now on there will be only your photos. Because I will only sleep with you")

Comparison

Different type of comparisons happening this episode compared to other ones - it was more focused on drawing parallels between behaviours and feelings vs. comparing with the intention to put someone down:

Yo and Sand compares Yo to Plug in terms of relationships and life outlook

Nick draws parallels between him and Atom (both experiencing the pain of one sided love, etc.)

Boston draws parallels between what he does to Atom and what Atom did to him (threatening to expose Atom on social media)

Atom's words at the bar echos Nick's in the electronics store, that Atom just wants Boston to love him like Atom loves him

Consequences and accountability

The final topic I wanted to touch on here is the idea of consequences and accountability. In the past four weeks (1, 2, 3, 4) we've had a lot of apologies, some accountability for behaviour, a lot of talk about consequences: Top and Boston apologizing to Mew for sleeping together, Sand apologizing to Nick for stealing the sex tape, Top and Cheum worrying about long-term consequences for Mew's party boy stint, Ray and Mew coming clean about their attempted relationship, Nick apologizing to Boston for taping him, Sand and Ray's father talking to him about his alcoholism, Ray going to rehab and realizing what Sand has done for him, Boston reconciling with Nick, etc. We've also had the fallout from Top and Boston sleeping together, Nick recording the tape, Sand sharing the tape, Mew dating Ray to get back at Top, Ray's drunk driving, Atom accusing Boston of rape, and so on.

This episode we had more about consequences and accountability: Nick and Boston confronting Atom, Atom coming clean to Cheum, Top and Mew talking about Mew's revenge plans (and Mew giving them up), Sand and Ray reconciling, etc. But I wanted to talk about some themes and details I noticed about these moments in this episode.

Firstly, Nick tells Atom "Just because he doesn't want to sleep with you, you don't have to go this far. It can ruin your future". We've talked a lot about how these young [mostly wealthy] people are living a very ephemeral, YOLO life where they don't consider the consequences or impacts of their actions (see 1, 2 and links above). Here, Nick directly brings up the long term consequences of Atom's accusations, how serious they are. Boston's future could have been ruined: he could have faced criminal charges, his father's campaign could have been impacted, he would have been outed. It's interesting that it is Nick (and Boston) noting the serious and life-altering consequences - Nick, who could face criminal charges for his recorded sex tape; Boston, who famously sleeps with who he wants and says what he wants without considering how his friends will feel or react. It shows a real moment of growth, especially for Nick. Nick two episodes ago gave a heartfelt apology to Boston for what he did and took accountability for his actions (vowing to leave Boston alone). He experienced the consequences of his actions (the man he loved rejected him and was very angry with him, the tape also messed up the relationships of many other people). Nick learned regret, he learned how to consider consequences, and he learned the importance and benefits of sincere accountability - after his heartfelt apology and gesture, Boston let Nick back into his life. It seems Nick and Boston's confrontation spoke to Atom, as Atom then went to Cheum and admitted his lies.

And, as some other people like @starryalpacasstuff have pointed out, this confrontation with Atom serves as a way for Nick and Boston to reflect further on their own/each other's behaviour: Nick fell for someone after sleeping with them once/only a few times and Boston realizes this, Nick acknowledges that being rejected doesn't mean you need to try to ruin someone's life, Boston realizes the pain Nick has been in due to his unrequited love, Nick says not to fall for an asshole and Boston recognizes that asshole as himself. Self-recognition through the other.

This episode also explored revenge as a form of consequence. As retribution for his false accusations, Nick and Boston set Atom up to get photos of him they threaten to post on social media. As retribution for sleeping with Boston, Mew hangs out with Top's ex Boeing. In both these cases, the actions the person takes for revenge are the actions perpetrated against them. Atom has an anonymous account online where he is posting his accusations of Boston, so Boston threatens to expose him as he exposed Boston by posting the photos of Atom kissing a man on social media. Top slept with Boston, so Mew flirts with Top's ex Boeing. Boston and Mew are looking to punish Atom and Top, they want them to face consequences for their actions, and they decide to weaponize what was used against them to do it.

However, the episode also shows revenge is not necessarily the best way to receive accountability and resolve grievances. I used the word retribution a lot above - retribution is not exactly closure, or accountability, or healing. Atom does come clean about his lies (to Cheum at least), but Boston doesn't have to post the photos in order for him to do so. Top tells Mew, "One day you might want to get revenge on me again. You're paranoid, I'm paranoid. This cycle will never end" - they could be trapped in a cycle of distrust and pain if Mew doesn't stop seeing revenge as the only remedy for what Top did. Revenge is unsatisfying, it doesn't solve the problem or mend the hurt.

And along the same line, sometimes the retribution and consequences you'd want don't happen. Atom comes clean to Cheum but she doesn't say much about it (remains to be seen if Boston gets an apology from his former friends if he even wants it). Mew is struggling because he can't quite forgive Top but his plans of revenge aren't going the way he wants them to and there's no apology or remorse from Top that will let him forget what happened. Sometimes we can't get the catharsis we want or need in life.

I've also been playing with the idea of change and accountability: that accountability requires accepting what you did wrong and making amends (changes) to fix it, and that recognizing and accepting someone else taking accountability means believing others can change. To use an example, Mew needs to believe that Top can change (that he won't do the same thing again if given a second chance) if he is to believe Top's apologies and the action Top is doing to take accountability, and Mew needs to change a bit himself for them to move on (he needs to let the idea of revenge go, he needs to soften his pride, etc. if he wants what he wants [Top as a boyfriend]). Top tells Mew "I know what I did can't be undone. You want me to pay and take revenge on me. But I want you to know that you don't have to do anything. I've already suffered enough. I'm disgusted with myself already just thinking about not being able to hold you again one day". Top says he has changed, but Mew doesn't let himself see it so he continues to hurt them both by treading the same ground over and over. (we could also note that sometimes people create their own punishments for their actions which may be much more effective than anything an outsider could do to them... there's a lot of self-loathing and self-destructive behaviour on this show.)

We could even ask what the point of consequences are if not to inspire change?

I will finish this off with one last comment: there has been a lot of talk about the effects and impacts of alcohol this series - today we even had Sand's dad say "You're drinking? You're young, take care of your health". Sand once again talked to Ray about the impacts of drinking ("I don't want you to get drunk too much. I want you to get health check ups every year. I don't want you to drive drunk"). Finally, Sand wonders if Ray hanging out with kids for 6 hours has really made him learn/reflect on the consequences of drunk driving.

happy monday (or tuesday) ephemerality squad: @chickenstrangers, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @colourme-feral, @distant-screaming, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @rocketturtle4, @slayerkitty, @thatgirl4815, @twig-tea, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist

[gray-ts]

THE CHARLIE TODD DEPARTURE

what Jen Lindley and Charlie Todd could’ve been.

I think a lot about how season 5 of Dawson’s Creek would be more interesting if instead of giving us Jen-Dawson as couple again, and whatever it was that Charlie-Joey had, they gave us a better development of Charlie & Jen!

Ok hear me out for a second: I know he was a jerk! But if he became a better, redeemable guy and wanted to be substantial for Joey, they might as well have written that he did it for Jen. If the writers didn’t have a vendetta against Jennifer Lindley!

I wish we got multiple scenes of Charlie Todd having a great redemption arc, and apologizing for real, and making it up to Jen Lindley. There would be AGNST, and PINING, and Charlie being ridiculously down bad for her, and then JEN’S HOLDING THE CARDS, SHE HAS LEVERAGE.

And then: She wants to forgive him! She doesn’t know if she should! But he proves that he loves her and that he would be a great boyfriend!

Charlie and Jen falling deeply in love with each other until he has to go on tour! He wants to stay for HER! She knows better, she lets go of him because she doesn’t want him to give up on his biggest dream. He would’ve stayed if it was up to him. TIS’ THE DAMN SEASON! I WONT ASK YOU TO WAIT IF YOU DONT ASK ME TO STAY. Downfall! They break up!

On season 6 he could’ve come back from tour. They missed each other tremendously, and they would be together again until inevitably realizing they might love each other, but they just won’t work. He wants to be on the road, touring, she wants to be in Boston and finish college and live with Grams. It would be a great love story. He could be her Dorothea. [hey Dorothea do you ever stop and think about me?] because of the implication that Dorothea from Taylor Swift’s song “dorothea” became famous. And she would be his tis’ the damn season.

It also would’ve been nice change because Jen’s love interests tend to choose Joey Potter over her. Dawson Leery did it on season 1, 2 and the finale of 5. Pacey Witter did it on season 3. So it would be a change in the whole “guy wants to haves fun with Jen and be in a serious relationship with joey potter”

When it comes to Dawson and Pacey, Jen was used as plot device to lead them to Joey. And then there was charlie, and Jen was the “girl before” joey AGAIN.

So I wish we got a full season o Charlie and Jen instead.

[theheightofdishonor]

I'm gonna take the leap and finally talk about only friends on here. There's only one episode left so I think it's a good time to just write about it

Top and Mew

I won't lie, these two are probably the most boring pair to me and from the little i have perused through the tags, it seems like it's the same for a lot of people? But I do appreciate them. I think the lack of chemistry between them is 100% intentional. We know Force and Book can pull off chemistry. And on top of that, this crew is wonderful in bringing out the best from its cast so the fact that Mew and Top feel like they're missing something, that's on purpose. I think @shortpplfedup has mentioned a couple times about how Top and Mew's relationship is wrapped up in ego and image and how it warps their perception and expectations from each other and I agree! Even when they're vulnerable with each other, there's a guard there because they're unable to not be playing this game they've got going on with each other. And this tracks into ep 11 because the only reason Mew agrees to forgive Top is because Top threatens to walk away for good (because he can't handle the idea of being the loser in this relationship forever) and Mew can't have that because that would make him the loser permanently. I've been referring to their situation as 'gone girl-ing' irl because they're that couple who don't really like each other? but they're still never going to leave because they know they're well matched and would be more miserable with someone else and also leaving would mean admitting that they've made a bad choice so they stay together but they also kind of enjoy this mutual toxicity? Like Mew is 100% going to run to his friends again complaining about Top and then when they suggest breaking up, be like 'well, I should but" until it gets exhausting for everyone involved.

I know tons of people like this in real life. And they're not my favourite but i've made peace with it. That being said, I still don't quite understand what the team's intention is with Top because he really is very neglected in this cast. We know nearly nothing about him and the things we do know never get looked at. Again, I do think this is intentional and Force is doing a phenomenal job with the character but I just don't get what they're leading to. I won't make a solid judgement on this though til the finale airs so moving on

Nick and Boston.

My favorite pair and favorite characters? Yeah they are. Nick, my adorable little psychopath, we've had our ups and downs and I was skeptical if you'd ever stop being embarrassing but you did and I am so proud of my absolute favorite boy. He's accepted his own toxicity, taken a good hard look at himself and his feelings for Boston and he is on top of everything. When he's telling Ton in the club to not look at other men, there's (to me at least) no hint of that worry or insecurity from the first couple episodes. And Boston's reaction too was more of a guy who's heard his partner complain about the same thing a million times instead of taking it as a sign of Nick's clinginess. It felt like echoes of an old, worn 'argument' that's just rote. And then in the conversation where Boston offers a short term committed relationship? He doesn't just jump into and instead thinks about whether it's something he really wants and what it means for him and what it means for them. Not to mention how well he was able to establish expectations with Daddy Dan about their relationship. There's still time for him to backflip next week but for now, baby boy is winning.

And Boston! I think his character arc so far has been very well done. He's not had a complete personality makeover but he's changed too and has made adjustments to the way he looks at things. The entire conversation about a committed relationship with Nick was everything. It's such a huge step for him and you can feel it in just Neo's posture and his tone how much it means to him. I don't actually think I have the words to dissect him well and I think people far more eloquent than I have already done so so i'll just leave it at that.

Oh wait actually brief mention of the Atom-Ton thing because I don't know yet how I feel about Atom being let off so easily. On one hand, it feels true to where Boston is now that he doesn't want to pursue it too much, especially when he's leaving in a couple months and he's also had some revenge with Nick. On the other hand....I don't know. I guess i've shelving this til the last ep too.

One more thing, I've seen the idea that Nick and Ton haven't had enough screentime and I disagree, I think they've made a perfect amount of sense with the amount they've had. Would I complain about seeing more, of course not. But i'm not dissatisfied and their time's been used well and where their arc is at now, they don't need a lot either. Though from the preview, it seems like we will be getting a fair bit of them next week due to the Boston-Boeing storyline.

Sand and Ray.

If I had a firstkhao bias going into this show, it's definitely been worn down. I've more or less given up on Sand developing any sort of backbone or self-respect + the idea of Ray finally reciprocating and taking care of him. They're still cute though and I don't mind any longer that it's an imperfect relationship. That being said, it was so fun seeing Boeing come back to wreck them this episode. Sand's mom tells us that the way Sand is with Ray is just how he is with everyone he cares about but I don't think Ray understood that til we see Sand and Boeing in action. Sand is very clearly uncomfortable in Boeing's presence and yet! He says they can be friends, he asks about Boeing's job, he tells Ray to leave so they can talk in private, sweetheart this man CHEATED ON YOU?? And on top of all of this, he brushes away all of Ray's attempts to claim him in front of Boeing too. Talk about creating all your own problems.

I do want to muse for a bit on Sand saying that Boeing is exactly his type and how he doesn't deny it when Boeing says Ray is the opposite of that. I think they're actually more alike than they seem on the surface. Their mutual disregard for boundaries and willingness to exploit Sand's weaknesses are sure similar as is the need to be seen as special. Boeing turns nasty at the idea of Mew meaning more to Top than he did and a lot of what draws Ray to Sand is the way Sand treats him as something special (and he's not happy either when it's revealed that Sand's behavior towards him is something he gives everyone) On the other hand, Boeing is very put together and barely shows a hint of vulnerability whereas Ray wears his faults on his sleeves and is generally a mess. I haven't quite verbalized any conclusions about this yet but i'm mulling over it. We'll see if I have time to write something up later this week.

Now Ray. Ray's having the time of his life parading around as Sand's boyfriend until it all comes crashing down. They're having cute record shop dates, talking about their future, being domestic in front of elementary school kids, the whole nine yards and even when Sand is being so shifty bringing up Boeing, he's confident enough in where he stands that it doesn't faze him whatsoever. I love Ray but seeing his uncomfortable crawling realization that perhaps Boeing might pose a threat was everything I wanted. The confirmation about his threesome proposals being a front was unneeded but fun. I'm looking forward to seeing how he continues to react to Boeing next week. That little look they shared when First stepped into the water? I suspect these two are going to eat that man alive.

Boeing

Boeing is my darling little agent of chaos. He had his turn with TopMew, he's currently wrecking SandRay and from the looks of it, he's moving onto NickBoston next week. I adore that he's apparently the final boss for all our main couples. I think he's gonna lose 3 for 3 which i'm a little crestfallen about but it's a fun time. I'm enjoying the chaos. I do hope we get to see a little more about his motivations and personality next week though.

Cheum

The fandom's response to Cheum is so weird. First she's on this pedestal of being the perfect girl who can do no wrong amongst these dumb messy boys and now she's the worst of the worst. It's the messy gay show and she's being a messy gay. I've been waiting for her to do something properly awful. The show's not done yet so I do think her response to the Atom-Boston thing will get more screentime next week. Of course I'm not trying to gloss over how terrible her treatment of Boston was but I'm also not expecting her to suddenly grovel nor do I think she should because it's not something she feels sorry for! Her just apologizing for it and feeling bad would be glossing over the fact that these are genuinely things she's thought about Boston all along and that she was just using the opportunity Atom provided to say it. The fact that Boston didn't do what she thought he did doesn't matter to her. And that's what they should address. This storyline is still ongoing though so again, holding out judgement til the end.

Overall, I've loved following this show week to week. It's been messy, it's been dramatic and it's had a lot to say about promiscuity, friendship, relationships and fandom amongst like a dozen other things. Watching the show and fandom reactions to it have been eyeopening. Additionally, the performances have been excellent. Only Friends is proof of how a good director and environment can bring out the best in all its cast because I honestly can't pick who has given the best performance here since they've all just been that good. Even if this show somehow flops next episode, I won't even be that mad because it's been so good and enjoyable that it deserves a bit of leniency and i've enjoyed it all the way through.

[forcebookish]

hello bestie, i'm trying my best to stay away from twt fights so i had to come rant to you since you're the only one who really #getsit. oh i hate the way things were dealt with in this episode like... i want to scream and punch a wall. it's actually for the best that mew acted the way he did with ray bc he would be in their stans' mouths forever if he didn't but i HATE IT SO MUCH. first of all, i genuinely hate ray so much. the way he treats EVERYONE is so horrible. it's nothing new that he knows no boundaries, but to keep seeing him crossing everyone's and no one ever calling him out makes me so fucking crazy - and then you see people calling out the others characters for less. wasn't people acting like top was the worst just two days ago for going after mew? what the fuck was that scene of ray invading sand's space and "oh just punch me" his self deprecating excuses pisses me off so bad it's unreal he really needs to be clocked. and then, the way he YELLED at mew for not wanting to have sex? oh we'd never hear the end of it if top had done that, by the way they still talk as if that first time they had sex he was manipulating mew somehow. like literally what the fuck was that?? mew should've knocked him down but i guess he's too good of a friend for that. and then he simply FORGIVES HIM and says what he was doing was just like top when EXCUSE YOU IT WAS NOT????? if we don't even touch the subject of that being AN ASSAULT, what happened between top and boston would never be similar to what ray was doing with mew and sand. he was purposefully going after sand and not giving a fuck about mew's feelings. and also the way he just showed up uninvited at sand's trailer like FUCK OFFFFF BROOO I WANNA SCREAM I HATE HIM SO MUCHHHHH HE'S GENUINELY THE WORST CHARACTER EVER AND THE WAY I KNOW PEOPLE WILL IGNORE EVERYTHING AND THINK THE SR SCENES ARE CUTE AND OH HE'S LOOKING FOR HELP 🥰🤩 oh my god i'm so stressed he once again got away with whining and saying oh im sorry and crossing everyone's boundaries and the writing lowkey just brushed this off again... imagine how tired we are imagine

oof i think i could go on like this for hours but that's a long message already sorry to vent at you but i had to put it out there... mwah

hi, friend!!! YEAH THAT WAS A LOT and i mean the episode, not you because you're RIGHT. you said everything on my mind oh my god. that was sooooooooo annoying.

and i really thought that top explained everything to cheum and she heard him out? i can't believe she's still pissed at him after he helped mew and bailed them out.

i guess the drama really is just going to gloss over the fact that top was assaulted and coerced??? while ray gets off scot-free despite going out of his way to sleep with someone else? after SHOUTING at mew for not sleeping with him? i can't even IMAGINE top ever doing that!!! did ray even apologize?

ray is such a fucking dirtbag!!! and we had to see mew apologize for something that was ray's fault AGAIN, forgive him AGAIN. it's fucking infuriating!!!!!!!

just

AND ALL THAT ONLY TO TAKE AWAY A TOPMEW RECONCILIATION WITH STUPID FUCKING BOEING

thanks for stopping by!!! i hope it helped you keep from twitter fights haha💗💗

[ctl-yuejie]

coming in with mildy old grievances

upon letting it rest a bit, boston's ending in ofts still doesn't make any sense.

him and nick splitting? fine. him making out with beam knowing that this is not what nick and him agreed to? maybe? idk, the writing makes it seem plausible at least.

but the point being that he is left alone since he was a bad friend?

would only make sense if he wasn't shown to have genuine affection for nick and (uncharacteristically) grovel at his friends feet.

if we are to believe that the ending makes sense because his one (unforgivable) mistake was to not value friendship, why does the show take the time to have him panic about getting found with top by mew in the shower, keep it a secret, admit his affections for nick to himself, be down on himself after his friends shun him and ask "why am i always an asshole to the people i like" and then fully lose all his prior demeanour to try and honestly make up with his friends?

if he's supposed to be a stone-cold bitch who has no affections for anyone else whatsoever, why would he degrade himself like that? especially send photographs to this "friendgroup" months later from new york as if he still needs them and their approval to feel included?

this might bring back the slut-shaming discourse for the umpteenth time, but if the punishment by the narrative was supposed to make sense solely due to him being an asshole of a friend, things don't quite add up.

(and i don't think there is a way that this is not cruel, even when everyone else - sans nick maybe - is acting quite in character, e.g. Mew not only not forgiving him - fair - but being cruel about it by feigning that he's okay with Boston staying in the group...actually, this is going to be too much to put in a bracket, so:

Mew had his revenge (disproportionately when you ask me, but that is neither here nor there) but I do understand that he doesn't want to be friends with Boston anymore. However, he did basically force Boston back into working on the group project. It was only after the Atom thing (where both him and Ray knew that there hadn't been any SA or at least didn't actually care if there was) that Boston was out of the group again. And when Chueam offers to let him back in, Mew suddenly is like "well, you cannot decide that by yourself". Yes, Mew can change his mind on wanting to have Boston around but it doesn't make his behaviour any less cruel. Nor does Chueam not apologising and Ray not caring at all how Boston has become austrasized for the thing he did not do (I cannot overemphasize how Mew did let Boston back into the group - even if it is just for the project - since he called them even to some degree) make them any less shitty friends. And they clearly do not care about hurting him when they smell blood during the new years party that Boston fucked up with Nick.

Is there a difference between being cruel to a friend and being cruel by sleeping with his partner? that's sth everyone can decide for themselves.

but it absolutely gives less and less credence to the justification for his treatment by the show being that he's "just an asshole and a really bad friend".

and to call it a good ending since he meant to cut all ties before moving to new york anyways? only makes sense if it wasn't shown as a change in how he does things that he wants to try and date nick until then. which was a really interesting turn: someone like him wouldn't change to be monogamous but trying to not sleep with people for a few months? could've very well been possible as well as an interesting thing to try as someone like boston. but if we are to believe that he truely doesn't care since he plans on leaving, there would be no reason to try and get his friends forgiveness nor send them a present from new york afterwards.

the others do feel in character, but with the emphasize on the casual slut shaming they do (while it is a conscious theme of the show) and nick even going as far as saying "maybe you are the type of person who should roll alone" (instead of: we just don't fit but that doesn't mean people like you have to be alone) it really doesn't feel like this is about him being an asshole in general at all. queer friendship - despite what the title might infer - hasn't been a central theme of the show. which obviously is up to the writers. but the personal vendetta that seems to have seeped in against someone who was like Boston feels a bit disappointing. if anything, it makes an otherwise interesting show feel very inconsistent and carries the unfortunate side-effect of making the audience feel like this show meant to say some disparranging things about "sluts".

even in the constraints of the story the writers clearly set out to tell, there was a much more interesting and compelling characterization left on the board in favor of moralising in the last minute on not being a slut.

[annieintheaair]

The sun don't shine when you ain't here and I can't make you smile no more.

There’s a picture of Dan and I at a Red Sox game. I was 23. Before the photo was taken, we had gotten into a big fight. We went for oysters before the game and then stormed out fighting, making us late for the game. I don’t know what it was but when the camera lady came around and asked if we wanted our picture taken, we said yes. My eyes were red from crying. I was definitely not photo-ready, and later told Dan he could keep all of the copies because I didn’t want to remember it. Somehow, I ended up with one of the copies anyway.

I didn’t know it at the time but that would be the last photo ever taken of us together. Even though I know I was crying before the picture was taken, it still holds so much meaning to me. It’s a picture of two people who, despite their troubles, always came back together. Even when I stormed off from him in Boston that night, he followed me and refused to leave me. No matter how mad I was, he refused to walk away. I can’t say the same about other relationships I’ve had since. Dan was the only one who never walked away from me or shut me out in a fight. I can still hear his voice, filled with sadness, begging me to stay and to forgive him. I guess I can't help but want another love like that-- one that stays and chases me when I try to walk away.

I was watching some videos on Instagram the other day of this medium. She said that you need to be specific when asking for signs. I asked for garlic signs the other day and I’ve been seeing garlic everything everywhere I look. On my way home from work on Saturday morning, I asked to see a silver Civic like the one he had when we were in college. Even with fewer cars on the road on a Saturday morning, as I got closer to home, there it was— a silver Civic just like Dan’s.

I was in the grocery store tonight, grabbing a few things quickly, and ended up in an aisle with a tower of Budweiser. If that's not Dan, I don't know what is. I literally said this morning that I wish I could see a sign of him every day so that I know he's still with me.

When I was getting ready for work on Friday night, a song I had never heard before came on Spotify. It was called Fast Asleep by 49 Winchester. Not only did the lyrics remind me of Dan but the band name-- having "Winchester" in it, which was his hometown. When I went back to check my computer before leaving for work that night, I had a customer email me who lived in Winchester, too. It's ok, Dan, I'll never forget you.

All of the time, I wish I could have just one more day with Dan. The world feels so empty without him. I was trying to show Kia pictures of my first apartment in Providence the other day and now I'm getting tons of emails with apartment suggestions there. For a second, every time the emails come through, I wonder what would have happened if I moved back or if I had never left. It's like my brain gets fooled into thinking that if I moved back there, he would somehow be there, but I know he won't be. There's literally nothing I can ever do to bring him back.

Anyway, we ended up having major delays on Thursday night. We even had to take a reroute, which made the flight even longer. We barely had any time at the hotel that night, too.

Friday was no different-- there were more delays and little sleep. I did make it to yoga in the afternoon though, which was just what I needed. I even squeezed in a Costco run for a few things and picked up ingredients for sangria.

Saturday I was a complete waste. I didn't leave my house all day once I got home from work. I didn't make it to any yoga classes and had a day in and out of sleep. I actually crawled into my bed when I got home from work that morning and slept there for a few hours. Sleeping in my bed after work is super unusual for me.

I tried my best to cut myself some slack and remind myself that it's ok to rest sometimes. It always feels like I'm not allowed to take a break though, which is something I really struggle with.

Today, I knew I needed to get out of my house. I got some laundry done and then went to meet my friend, Quade, at Epic Central, where we had a few margaritas and grabbed dinner. I don't get to see him often since we both fly a lot so it was really nice to catch up.

On my way home, I swung by Albertson's to grab a few last-minute ingredients. I finished preparing the sangria with some star-shaped apples and packed up my wine ice cubes that I made earlier with raspberries and blueberries frozen inside. I think my patriotic sangria will be perfect for the pool tomorrow!

I also managed to make these dill pickle ranch pretzels that I saw on Instagram the other day. They just looked so good so I made a batch and will be bringing them with me tomorrow, too. They really remind me of the pickle pretzels that we got in Arkansas over Thanksgiving.

I can't believe that May is almost over. This month went by so fast and now I'm only a few weeks away from turning 35! I used to get annoyed when people told me that I looked younger than I am but I'm starting to see that as a complement the older that I get. The cashier at Costco the other day looked at my license and said, "Girl! You look good!" because she said she would never have guessed that I was almost 35.

People often tell me that I look like I'm still in my mid-20s. Maybe they wouldn't think that if they saw pictures of me when I was actually in my mid-20s. I definitely do not look like the 23-year-old girl in the Red Sox photo with Dan. Life, time, and experience have all changed me. I think I would much rather be the girl in Fenway, crying on the sidewalk, with her long-term boyfriend begging her to work it out. Nearly 35-year-old me has sure been through a lot since then.

xoxo

Annie

[heretherebedork]

Everybody's making fun that Nick again eavesdropped on Boston's hookup, but isn't it so interesting that Nick actually didn't back away even after knowing what Boston was doing in the bathroom. He interrupted them, almost grounding Boston from his meaningless escapades, forcefully reminding him of things that matter. The way Nick completely ignored the third person in the background, staring at Boston the whole time (and he was the one apologizing) when Boston could barely even meet his eyes. Nick was the one, being vulnerable and yet I think it was his honesty (and courage) that pushed Boston out of his superficial shell, and down on his knees, leaving him broken, open, and raw. For a man who has hated drama (read feelings) all this life, he is actually going to be very dramatic about discovering his own feelings. Nick fell first but Boston's falling harder.

I'm just gonna take a step back here to point out that Boston has been clear this entire time that he isn't looking for anything deeper or longterm and that it's not a bad thing to want to have casual sex.

There is no reason to be calling Boston superficial and to refer to him as broken, open and raw as if before this he was some kind of feelingless manipulation machine.

Boston froze his heart to protect himself knowing that he won't be around the people he knows right now for long, knowing that he's likely to be sent away from Thailand after every semester if he doesn't live up to his father's expectations.

Yes, Nick actually acted better this episode. I mean that in an amused sense because he still did follow Boston to a hook up in order to talk to him. But that's all he did. He wanted to put his cards on the table and finally, actually, apologize.

Which was very important. Before that moment, he never fully or openly apologized to Boston without the context being about winning him back or staying in his life. All of those apologies were to gain something, forgiveness and Boston back where he was in his life.

This apology was just an apology. It was Nick admitting that what he did was so beyond the pale that sometimes things can't be forgiven and that's okay.

And, yes, that changed how Boston looked at what was happening in that moment because he does care about Nick. But, you know what? He also cares about his other friends. He rushed up to check on Ray and looked worried. He stopped talking when Top asked him to stop. He didn't deliberately cause any trouble at the party.

Boston has his own moral code and it might look different but that doesn't mean we have to sit here and turn him into this huge villain for being a young adult who knows all his connections are likely to be severed soon enough in the future that letting them get deep just means they'll hurt more.

I do look forward to Boston's journey from here. But Nick also a journey that he started better because he has a friend like Sand who listens and pushes him and gives him good advice and doesn't judge him. I mean, admittedly, Sand also created all of Nick's problems by sharing the sex tape but Nick kind of made his own problems with that one tbh.

Nick stopped to talk to Boston in the bathroom not just because he had the moment to do it but because in a way Boston was trapped there. Leaving that conversation would be nearly impossible even with the hook up right there because once he answered and Nick started talking there was no pause for him to pull away.

I just... this isn't Boston versus Nick. Nick isn't better than Boston and Boston isn't better than Nick. They're both just messy young adults with different issues and different backgrounds who found themselves falling together in fucked up ways and are now falling apart in fucked up ways.

Boston's heart is melting and that scares him because he knows it's going to hurt because none of this can last. And Nick knows that Boston isn't going to be sticking around and that's why he stopped caring.

I admit that I read most of Boston looking away from Nick in that scene (especially before the line about his friends) was him just being bored of Nick trying to get back to his side. Because especially after Atom tried to push him into a relationship he didn't want again he was very, very done with people assuming that he has to want something more.

But then Nick didn't assume that. For the first time, Nick didn't refer to Boston in terms of a relationship but in terms of himself and that's what mattered.

Nick sees Boston as a whole person. It's the same thing with Sand and Ray. Only when someone realizes that they are truly wholly seen can they realize the parts of themselves they've tries to hide and tried to darken until they vanished into shallows.

Boston has never been superficial the way you describe because he made a perfectly moral choice to enjoy casual sex without deeper connections. Nick is the only one that he accepted more from and he was burned by that real hard so now he's twice as shy...

Until he realized that Nick genuinely saw him.

And that changed things.