#maybe i will still write that piece on ethics in this show

[ctl-yuejie]

coming in with mildy old grievances

upon letting it rest a bit, boston's ending in ofts still doesn't make any sense.

him and nick splitting? fine. him making out with beam knowing that this is not what nick and him agreed to? maybe? idk, the writing makes it seem plausible at least.

but the point being that he is left alone since he was a bad friend?

would only make sense if he wasn't shown to have genuine affection for nick and (uncharacteristically) grovel at his friends feet.

if we are to believe that the ending makes sense because his one (unforgivable) mistake was to not value friendship, why does the show take the time to have him panic about getting found with top by mew in the shower, keep it a secret, admit his affections for nick to himself, be down on himself after his friends shun him and ask "why am i always an asshole to the people i like" and then fully lose all his prior demeanour to try and honestly make up with his friends?

if he's supposed to be a stone-cold bitch who has no affections for anyone else whatsoever, why would he degrade himself like that? especially send photographs to this "friendgroup" months later from new york as if he still needs them and their approval to feel included?

this might bring back the slut-shaming discourse for the umpteenth time, but if the punishment by the narrative was supposed to make sense solely due to him being an asshole of a friend, things don't quite add up.

(and i don't think there is a way that this is not cruel, even when everyone else - sans nick maybe - is acting quite in character, e.g. Mew not only not forgiving him - fair - but being cruel about it by feigning that he's okay with Boston staying in the group...actually, this is going to be too much to put in a bracket, so:

Mew had his revenge (disproportionately when you ask me, but that is neither here nor there) but I do understand that he doesn't want to be friends with Boston anymore. However, he did basically force Boston back into working on the group project. It was only after the Atom thing (where both him and Ray knew that there hadn't been any SA or at least didn't actually care if there was) that Boston was out of the group again. And when Chueam offers to let him back in, Mew suddenly is like "well, you cannot decide that by yourself". Yes, Mew can change his mind on wanting to have Boston around but it doesn't make his behaviour any less cruel. Nor does Chueam not apologising and Ray not caring at all how Boston has become austrasized for the thing he did not do (I cannot overemphasize how Mew did let Boston back into the group - even if it is just for the project - since he called them even to some degree) make them any less shitty friends. And they clearly do not care about hurting him when they smell blood during the new years party that Boston fucked up with Nick.

Is there a difference between being cruel to a friend and being cruel by sleeping with his partner? that's sth everyone can decide for themselves.

but it absolutely gives less and less credence to the justification for his treatment by the show being that he's "just an asshole and a really bad friend".

and to call it a good ending since he meant to cut all ties before moving to new york anyways? only makes sense if it wasn't shown as a change in how he does things that he wants to try and date nick until then. which was a really interesting turn: someone like him wouldn't change to be monogamous but trying to not sleep with people for a few months? could've very well been possible as well as an interesting thing to try as someone like boston. but if we are to believe that he truely doesn't care since he plans on leaving, there would be no reason to try and get his friends forgiveness nor send them a present from new york afterwards.

the others do feel in character, but with the emphasize on the casual slut shaming they do (while it is a conscious theme of the show) and nick even going as far as saying "maybe you are the type of person who should roll alone" (instead of: we just don't fit but that doesn't mean people like you have to be alone) it really doesn't feel like this is about him being an asshole in general at all. queer friendship - despite what the title might infer - hasn't been a central theme of the show. which obviously is up to the writers. but the personal vendetta that seems to have seeped in against someone who was like Boston feels a bit disappointing. if anything, it makes an otherwise interesting show feel very inconsistent and carries the unfortunate side-effect of making the audience feel like this show meant to say some disparranging things about "sluts".

even in the constraints of the story the writers clearly set out to tell, there was a much more interesting and compelling characterization left on the board in favor of moralising in the last minute on not being a slut.

[abitterboy]

Rainy Daze

Genre: Smut (Seungmin)

Summary: Seungmin drives you home on a rainy evening.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Pervert Seungmin, horny thoughts, masturbation, men whimpering/moaning

(unedited and written quickly as i’m super busy rn but this thought plagued my mind. i had originally wanted to write this for jisung because im obsessed with perv ji but realized i have nothing for seungmin so here we go)

“Shit shit shit!”

Seungmin looked up to see where that voice sounded from and saw you stressed out in your car. The engine wouldn’t start and it was pouring outside. You got out of your car and kicked the tire before looking up at the sky and remembering the rain that you had just walked through. Your hands shot up over your head as you opened the door to sit back in your car defeated. He stood there confused as to what he should do as he held his umbrella over his head. Seungmin and you worked together and he has always kind of had a thing for you. You had been very helpful to him when he first started working there and were always eager to lend a hand. On top of your good work ethic, you were also extremely sexy and he swears he's never seen anyone look so good in button downs and skirts. He knew it was ridiculous but he daydreamed about you all the time. Especially if he found you bent over to pick up something or saw you through your office window with your top shirt buttons undone and your hair down. You were his greatest fantasy. Before connecting his brain to his feet, he started walking towards your car. He honestly had no idea what he was gonna say, but he wanted to provide you with some sort of comfort or solution in your time of need. Once reaching your car, he knocked on the window and accidentally startled you. He put his hand up and mouthed a “sorry” before you lowered your window. Even drenched in rain, you were still so beautiful. The way your hair clung to your face and your eyelashes stuck together, created an entirely new beauty on you that he had never seen.

“I uh- I see you’re having some car troubles.”

You laughed pathetically and put your hands to your forehead in defeat.

“Well I knew this piece of junk would crap out on me one day. I just really hoped it wouldn’t be a day as soon as this one.”

Seungmin saw the stress in your face. He looked across the lot at his car, and the only solution he could think of blurted out of his mouth.

“I could drive you, you know? Maybe uh-um if you want me to I mean.”

You looked in the direction of Sungmin's car and back at Seungmin before smiling.

“I would really appreciate that. Let me just get my stuff real quick.”

Seungmin nodded and watched as you got your purse and other belongings out of the car. He found it odd when you folded up a sweater and held it close to your chest instead of putting it on.

“Don’t you want to wear that? You’re less likely to get as wet if you do.”

“It’s foolish of me to keep this dry isn’t it? It’s just that I really like this jacket and I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to wash it tonight and wear it tomorrow. I’d hate for it to smell like rain at work.”

You slowly got out of the car and Seungmin extended the umbrella to you. You tried to gently push it back towards him, but he insisted. You pushed it back one more time but this time inched your way closer to him so you could both be covered by the umbrella. He tensed up at how close you were. Your wet shirt allowed for your bra to show through it and he tried hard not to stare but he couldn't help but glance as the two of you walked to the car. Seungmin walked to your side first and opened the passenger door to let you in.

“Thank you.”

You lowered your head first and bent into the car to throw your belongings in the back. Seungmin held the umbrella above you as he stared at the way your back bent and the way your ass was sticking out the car so close to him. He didn’t dare move and had to hold back his lustful thoughts of you so he wouldn’t embarrass himself by popping a boner. Despite him being confident and brave in his head, he knew he was too shy to actually act on any of his thoughts or feelings. You slid into the car and he made his way to his side to get in and start the car. You put your address into his phone and he started on his way. You looked out the window at the rain falling. Usually you enjoy rain but this was absolutely not one of those moments.

“I really appreciate this, Seungmin. You're a lifesaver.”

He shook his head and looked over at you for a second.

“No it was just the right thing to do.”

You smiled and turned to look at Seungmin. His sleeves were rolled up and he was super focused on the road. He honestly looked kind of… pretty? His facial features were soft yet had a sharpness to him, huh you had never noticed that before.

The ride wasn”t filled with much chatter but you two made small talk about a lot of things. It was not awkward at all and you actually enjoyed the ride with him. Once you made it to your house you went to grab your stuff out the back seat and thanked Seungmin again.

“You’re the best. I swear.”

Seungmin realized that you now had no car and wondered how you were gonna make it to work tomorrow.

“Um, would you need me or maybe want me to drive you to work tomorrow? I’m not too far from here it wouldn't be too out of my way.”

“Oh my god I wasn’t even thinking about tomorrow. Again, you save my ass. Yes I’d appreciate that. I’ll put my number in your phone and buy you some gas to make up for it.”

You grabbed his phone as he insisted you didn’t owe him gas. You scoffed and stated that you would do it no matter how stubborn he was. You wanted to put a photo of you in your contact so you grabbed Seungmin and took a photo together. You didn’t like the photo as you were head on and you preferred your side profile.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

He looked shocked at the sudden question and shook his head no.

“Good, wouldn't wanna upset her.”

You smiled before grabbing him again and pulling his face towards yours to plant a kiss on his cheek before snapping the photo.

He was frozen. What the hell just happened. His mind raced as he thought of what he would do if he was brave. He would have grabbed your face and kissed you. He would’ve thrown you over his lap and put his hands on your hips to roll them over his forming hard on. He would’ve kissed you so deeply you'd be gasping for air.

Meanwhile, you were pleased with the photo and gave him his phone back before casually hopping out of the car. The rain had calmed down but you still ran a little to your front door to avoid getting any more soaked. Once you unlocked your door you turned around and waved bye to Seungmin. He feigned a smile and waved back before pulling off.

Fuck.

He was so fucked right now. Seungmin was so lucky you didn’t look at him after you kissed him because he knows you would have seen the way his pants were straining against his dick right now. The softness of your lips was still faintly felt on his cheek and he didn’t dare touch it. He planned to jerk off to the photo of you two when he got home but as he pulled into his driveway Seungmin realized his roommate was home. Damn. He reclined his seat to lay all the way back and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself down. As he took in his breath he smelled something familiar. He smelled you. He looked to the side to see your jacket was left behind, blending into the color of his seats. He grabbed it without thinking and held it to his nose. Your scent filled his head and he couldn’t help but moan.

“Fuck, she smells so good.”

Without registering what he was doing he slipped his hand down his torso and ran it over his clothed erection.

“Mm fuck~”

A whimper escaped him and led him to further his movements. Seungmin lifted his shirt and undid his belt buckle before reaching in to feel himself over his boxers. With another smell of your jacket that was almost covering his face, he stuck his hand fully into his boxers and embraced himself. His thoughts ran wild of you on his lap, kissing him and grinding down against his crotch.

“Ah that feels good.”

He would kiss down your neck and take in the scent of your hair and clothes while you moaned with your pretty voice. He would slowly slip off your shirt and kiss up and down your chest, loving every part of you with his lips and tongue. You would roll your hips above him just to feel him grow below you and then you’d beg him to fuck you. At least that’s what he imagined.

Seungmin placed the jacket on his face to free up one of his hands and lifted his hips to lower his pants, fully freeing himself to get sharper movements around his throbbing cock. The jacket slipped from his face where he had placed it and made it towards his chest. He knew this was wrong, and he knew he shouldn’t be doing this but he had gone this far already. He placed the jacket over his dick and started using it to get himself off. The soft material and the fact that it was yours and had been on your body and in your room drove Seungmin absolutely mad. He started thrusting quickly upwards into the jacket that his hands kept wrapped tightly around his cock and squirmed as he did it. Soft whimpers of your name escaped him as he felt his climax approaching. A small fraction of Seungmin’s logical brain returned when he realized he couldn’t release on the jacket or you would know what he did so before he was finished he moved the jacket out of the way and came on his stomach instead. His breathing slowed as he came down and the rest of his logic returned to him.

He could not believe he just did that. He grabbed napkins out of his glove compartment to clean himself up. When pulling on his pants Seungmin realized that the jacket had a little stain on it. Oh fuck, that was his fault. He had to come up with a plan so he quickly did. He was going to pretend the jacket fell out of the car into a puddle when he opened the back door and that he washed it to return to you in the morning nice and clean. It was perfect and he would look kind instead of like the pervert he truly is. Seungmin collected his stuff, straightened himself up, and opened the door to step out of his car. He closed and locked the doors and made his way to his front door when all of a sudden he felt his shoe slip and he actually did fall into a puddle of water. Once the shock washed over him he could only say one thing to himself.

“Yeah, I deserve that.”

(im sorry im so inactive i just started a new job and it takes up all my time. i hope you at least got to enjoy this and i hope to be able to write again soon!)

[deathsbestgirl]

txf mytharc: pilot

preface: what you can expect from this series of mine.

i’m likely going to talk about each mytharc episode in full (at least nearly). the point of this isn’t to focus on mulder and scully, but there will still be a lot about them. we mostly see the mytharc through their eyes, and their partnership & experiences are a major part of that (and i think at this point, it’s clear i never shut up about them!). so for those that don’t really care about the mytharc, you might still find things to enjoy. at the end of each post, i’ll do a little summary of episode connections. i’m doing this as i rewatch so i will not have watched the future episodes yet – so please forgive any mistakes in details! i’m also pairing this with reading myth x: one fan’s interpretation of the the x files mytharc, and i’ll include some pieces that helped me unravel certain things, or that i’m simply keeping in mind as i rewatch! but mostly, this is just me enjoying the show. it’s what i think about when i watch. if it’s not your cup of tea, i completely understand. i do welcome discussion, but i make no promises to engage. i’m just sharing my little thoughts on this show that i really, really love.

something i get caught up in every time i watch the pilot is what csm & the syndicate were thinking (specifically in regards to assigning scully to the x files with mulder — i will probably talk about this over & over).

in the pilot we don’t even know about the syndicate. we meet section chief blevins, and other men with no names. including csm, who doesn’t even speak. he stands there looking stressed and smoking, observing scully and listening intently to the whole exchange. at the beginning, it’s hard to imagine how deep this goes, how widespread the government conspiracy is and it’s what makes it so fun for me to go back. we have so much more information later on, and we can take it back when we rewatch. there are so many connections to be made and although a lot of it doesn’t line up perfectly, i think it’s way more in line than people say. for me, there are several reasons that fit in with the world of the x files. first, there are so many unreliable narrators, people dealing in lies and coverups, only letting mulder & scully and whomever see what they want them to see. they purposely feed certain beliefs, and stifle them at other times. csm’s goals are muddled: he wants mulder on his side, he’s trying to save the human race/shape it into his own creation. he pretends to be a chess master, but as he says in sixth extinction/amor fati: he is one man.

the pilot starts with a cold open, a young woman running through the woods in her pajamas. we see a male figure and a bright white light. next thing, the young woman is lying dead on the forest floor as a team documents the scene and tries to identify her. detective miles identifies here as karen swanson and walks away, as the other investigator shouts “it’s happening again, isn’t it?”

next we follow special agent dana scully into the hoover building and to blevins office. he peppers her with questions about her fbi experience, if she’s heard of fox mulder and the x files. she’s young and open and maybe a little too honest. every time i try to write about the pilot something i always end up writing: scully understood what these men wanted her to. i don’t think it’s what csm wanted, but it might be what the syndicate wanted. scully was expected to debunk the x files, and if she did, they would probably reward her with whatever promotion or job she wanted within the fbi (or better, recruit her to the syndicate?). but as will consistently happen, they underestimated her. i’m not sure any of these men could have predicted what her & mulder would come to mean to each other. i don't think they could grasp her honesty or goodness, her ethics & morals, her complex beliefs & sense of justice. they live in a world where everyone is selfish & cruel, where they do what is “necessary” or what they're ordered to, where people will always choose themselves above others, but that is not scully. and it isn’t mulder.

(aside that maybe isn’t necessarily relevant but the thought always pops into my mind: it’s very interesting to me that they have this meeting with her and just send her down to mulder’s office. there’s no meeting with mulder, scully and their superiors together. all of it strikes me as a punishment for mulder, and a test for scully. i really think there’s something of interest to them in scully’s background. scientist, medical doctor, navy captain’s daughter, semi practicing/lapsed catholic. in theory, she could have been a perfect fit for the syndicate. but i really think most of them lack an understanding of people, of humanity. they deal in the worst of humanity – and mulder & scully are the best of humanity.)

initially when i started this (my little notebook) i was going to focus on just csm. but lately, the mytharc has gripped me. i don’t typically rewatch those episodes, unless i’m watching the entire series or a season in full. or a specific arc (like the cancer arc of course). but i’ve been slowly watching the mytharc episodes and they all connect, intricately, weaving a complicated web of truths & untruths & half truths. it’s so detailed and convoluted and maybe confusing. and so i wanted to go piece by piece. as i’ve said before, i don’t think everything lines up perfectly, and it isn’t supposed to. this is a global conspiracy, we learn things as mulder & scully do. they are largely on the outside of it, trying to break in to expose the truth & hopefully dismantle it. they are continuously misled, misdirected, stonewalled. there are many different projects with experimental science developing different defenses/giruses/andmtidotes, with different goals. evidence destroyed or stolen, tampered with. they are manipulated and used and discarded and returned and nearly killed as the syndicate sees fit at the current time. but so many things connect back to the pilot. the writers may not have had a show bible, but they most certainly looked back to pick up different threads and carry them through.

after scully’s meeting, we follow her down into mulder’s basement office. scully knocks on the door, opens it when he responds and takes in the whole atmosphere. he jumps right into it, letting scully know he’s aware of what her assignment is, that he looked into her background, and starting in on the case. in mulder’s way, he starts testing scully too, and i think she passes every single one. even if she’s saying things he doesn’t really want to hear. at the least, she takes him seriously (enough) to give rebuttals and show she cares. i’m not sure mulder has ever distrusted a single soul, but at least scully earns it.

the few things we learn about the case, what makes it an x file: the marks on the girl’s back, the compound in the surrounding tissue, no clear cause of death. and the fact that there’s a string of these killings in bellefleur, oregon with similarities to other cases in shamrock, texas and sturgis, south dakota.

mulder poses two questions, the first:

maybe what you can explain to me is why it’s bureau policy to label these cases “unexplained phenomenon” and ignore them.

scully has no answer, but i do think this starts her mind rolling. right here she’s put on the path of radicalization, in her scully way. the second:

when convention and science offer us no answer, might we not finally turn to the fantastic as a plausibility?

and i think this moment sets up their roles. scully responds with “the girl obviously died of something. if it was natural causes, it’s plausible that there was something missed in the post-mortem. if she was murdered, it’s plausible there was a sloppy investigation. what i find fantastic is any notion that there are answers beyond the realm of science. the answers are there. you just have to know where to look.” mulder, the believer, turning to the fantastic. scully, the skeptic, turning to science. this is my favorite thing about them, it builds the way they communicate and is a huge part of building trust between them. it’s also a major part in how they get to know each other. it’s always been one of my favorite things about them. it’s built on listening, not just pushing their beliefs or agenda. they always incorporate what the other says – as in, scully tends to shape the science & investigation around his theories. it gives her a place to start and build from. and scully’s science refines mulder’s theories and gets them closer to the truth.

it very quickly becomes one of the ways they depend on each other, setting up expectations they don’t yet understand the implications of and will take them years to rewrite (still built on the trust blooming from this first scene).

as soon as they’re in oregon, even still on the plane, the weirdness starts. unexpected turbulence, radio interference, inhuman like corpse unburied, the metal implant in the nasal cavity. mulder isn’t surprised by the turbulence or radio static, he marks the spot with an x. scully is just confused and baffled by his behavior (i love it). during the autopsy, they’re a little combative. my favorite moment is when mulder tells her:

i’m not crazy, scully. i have the same doubts you do.

this is an important moment for scully. he cares what she thinks, and she does take him seriously. i think it’s easy to think that she doesn’t, she does dismiss his ideas initially. but she’s still following him, peppering him with questions. they talk it through every time, and that’s special. it only gets stronger.

when mulder lifts peggy o’dell’s shirt to find the marks on her back, scully is so angry (she’s afraid) and she storms out of the building – mulder immediately follows her. she doesn’t believe these are alien abductions, she doesn’t know yet what the marks are, what the experience is. she has questions and she wants answers, she wants the truth. scully doesn’t believe his theory of alien abductions, and he asks her “do you have a better explanation?” and this is the first time he directly asks what she thinks. to me, this is the scene that really determines their dynamic. what mulder takes from this conversation is scully really does want the truth, she cares. and that’s important. and scully asks: “what were they doing in the forest?” cut to mulder and scully in the forest, scully pocketing dirt, detective miles coming upon them. (he listened to her, and the next step in their investigation becomes trying to answer that question!)

in the car, she shows mulder the dirt. he asks if it’s a campfire (it does look a lot like ash). but scully tells him it was all over the ground. right after, the car loses power and they lose nine minutes. scully doesn’t witness the time change but mulder is ecstatic.

this all leads to the motel room scene. scully has marks on her back and she can’t see them and the marks on peggy o’dell scared her. you could see it in her face, even through her anger & annoyance with mulder. the fact that she goes running to mulder, clearly afraid and vulnerable…it showed something else to mulder. this moment lets him see beyond ‘scully’s a spy” and her disbelief/skepticism. mulder cares about people, and he cares about scully despite himself. so when she turns into his chest, he puts his arm on her shoulder. shocked at her vulnerability, the way she seeks comfort from him. mulder lets her stay in his room, gives her a blanket to curl up on his bed as he sits below her and tells her about samantha.

usually this scene is discussed because of the intimacy between mulder & scully, but we learn a lot about the mytharc here too. samantha “disappeared from her bed one night” and there was no evidence, no contact, and no one would talk about it. he went to oxford, got recruited by the bureau. (while they’re having this conversation, someone is lurking outside the motel room.) he finds the x files and he was allowed to indulge because of his success and connections. mulder tells scully:

i’m telling you this, scully, because you need to know, because of what you’ve seen. in my research, i’ve worked very closely with a man named dr. heitz werber and he’s taken me through deep regression hypnosis. i’ve been able to go into my own repressed memories to the night my sister disappeared. i can recall a bright light outside and a presence in the room. i was paralyzed, unable to respond to my sister’s calls for help…listen to me, scully, this thing exists…the government knows about it, and i gotta know what they’re protecting. nothing else matters to me, and this is as close as i’ve ever gotten to it.

he covers sam’s abduction, how he found the x files, why he’s allowed to work on them, and the first inkling (for the audience) of a government conspiracy.

this is when mulder gets the call about peggy o’dell. (scully’s jump at the phone ringing is striking. she was so focused on mulder and what he was telling her, everything else faded away.) they go to the scene and mulder is shocked to hear peggy was running – “on foot?” just really cracks me up. as he’s focused on talking to the man driving, scully is taking a look at peggy’s body and makes note of the time on her watch, which is stopped. but just then, mulder learns ray soames’ corpse is missing. when they get back to the motel, it’s on fire with scully’s laptop, pictures and evidence inside.

theresa nemman approaches them in the chaos, they take her to a diner to hear what she has to say. she talks about finding herself in the woods, not knowing how she got there. she tells them she has the marks on her back too. she’s afraid she’s going to die too. her nose starts to bleed, like peggy’s did earlier, and as scully jumps up to grab napkins for her, theresa’s father, dr. nemman shows up with detective miles to take her home. this is when they realize det. miles’ is billy’s father.

mulder & scully have a brief conversation, brimming with their frustrations of losing their files & evidence, being denied access to a girl who needs help and wanted to talk, realizing how much these men are concealing. scully’s putting together dr. nemman’s & det. miles’ involvement. “they know” vs “they know something” – leading to mulder’s ultimate question (at this moment lol) of what’s in the other graves. when they go to check, the graves have already been dug up. the only other bodies already taken. at the graves, mulder puts together that billy miles is responsible. scully starts to follow his thoughts. he talks about time being stopped, he pauses “you think i’m crazy” and scully…she’s silent for a moment before telling him about peggy o’dell’s watch. another huge moment to me. she doesn’t believe it’s alien abduction, but she starts to understand the way mulder’s mind works, the connections he makes and the subsequent leaps. she doesn't keep this information from him despite it feeding a theory she doesn't agree with.

they head over to see billy miles. mulder talks to the nurse and scully starts to examine billy, finding his feet dirty, covered in the same dirt she found in the forest. a boy, who has been in a coma for years, completely bedridden and seemingly unaware of what’s happening around him. and scully is ready to run with this. he was out in the woods!!! and another important moment, mulder grounds her. reminds her of what she needs to do, her reports, procedure. and i think this is the moment that cements their roles – but shows they can also switch as need arises. mulder didn't understand how much he needed the science & evidence until he had someone ready to find it. so they go back out to the woods to get another sample of the dirt. that’s when they hear theresa scream and they go running. det. miles hits scully over the head and goes running after mulder, holding him at gunpoint as theresa continues to scream. and i love this moment too, because mulder appeals to this man’s better nature, urging him not to let billy kill another person. mulder stops him from shooting his son too. we see the marks on billy’s back, as a white light starts to overtake the scene with leaves blowing like a cyclone around billy & theresa. when the light finally fades, billy is conscious again, theresa is safe and the marks are gone from billy’s back. instantaneously.

the ending scenes are billy under hypnotic regression with dr. werber. mulder in the room with them. scully, blevins, the other man from scully’s meeting, and csm observing. billy talks about the aliens, the tests, the implant. the tests didn’t work, and the aliens were destroying the evidence. killing the abductees…mulder and scully make eye contact through the glass. cut to scully reporting to blevins. she can’t substantiate anything, they have no evidence, how do you prosecute?? this is what blevins & company care about. but scully held onto one piece of evidence: the implant, made of a metal that could not be identified, the implant billy miles claimed was controlling him. she leaves it with blevins, and when she exits, she watches csm enter blevins’ office. she has no idea who this man is, but he has been present at crucial moments and she took notice. she doesn’t understand yet but she won’t forget him.

in the end, mulder calls scully late at night to tell her the case file on billy miles has disappeared. csm is walking into the pentagon storage facility, filing away the metal implant with others just like it.

the pilot really lays a lot of groundwork. the implants, the marks/scars. the abduction experience, time loss, electronic interference, hypnotic regression. deformed corpses. government connections. disappearing evidence, constant interference. samantha’s abduction.

episode connections (before i watch future episodes):

conduit: small detail, but the ash-like dirt reminds me of the sand & glass at lake okobogee.

duane barry: he has an implant in his nasal cavity, much like the one they find. later on, in the anasazi trilogy, we learn scully has a chip in her neck which later connects her to other female abductees and carries through to cassandra in patient x/the red and the black.

cancer arc: billy miles indicates the exact place scully gets cancer.

reduxes: blevins is exposed as the mole. for the first part of the first season, scully reports to him until the x files is reassigned to skinner’s jurisdiction. his involvement isn’t fully explored, but he doesn’t completely disappear.

deadalive: ray soames’ transformation – possibly a failed attempt of what happens to billy miles & others, and nearly happens to mulder. also similar to the bodies mulder finds in anasazi.

csm: he’s there for scully’s meeting with blevins, he is there at the end for billy miles’ hypnotic regression. he is the most prominent figure in the conspiracy, as far as what we see, with a direct hand in scully’s & mulder’s experiences.

samantha’s abduction: there are two different versions of her abduction. truthfully, i think they just changed the story to work better for them. BUT (as i’ve mentioned before) i think it fits well into the mytharc later on – within the framework of the show, i think it’s possible samantha was abducted twice. conduit, paper hearts, demons, and another episode.

myth x:

one thing i really do like about this book is that it breaks down all the players. each group of aliens are given a clear name (which appear in the show but was never completely clear to me until this time around). michelle bush purports that the aliens abducting the oregon teens are walk-ins, representing the divine. they’re supposedly good but don’t know how to go about their goals. in some ways, this rings true. it’s the walk-ins that “save” samantha from more suffering. it’s like the walk-ins cassandra spender believes are trying to help them. bush describes their goal as “reintegration of both halves of the whole (alien and human) using natural means; this results in a single sentience allowing a return to physical and spiritual harmony.” which on paper, doesn’t sound bad. but their methods are as harmful as any of the others (alien and human alike).

[talllankyguy]

I don’t think hbomberguy managed to make this point in his video, but there are valid/ethical ways of making “video essays” that only use your own knowledge and opinions. Yeah, they’re more like personal essays and you’ll have to know how to communicate your own ideas in a way that’s interesting and engaging on their own merits, but there’s nothing wrong with writing about a piece of media with only your own ideas & thoughts.

When I was working on my own video about the game Superliminal, I had the idea to email the developers to see if they had done any research into therapy (specifically CBT), so that I could get a handle on the same information they used to craft the experience of the game. So I emailed them, and got a reply.

I can’t find the email itself anymore, but it basically said “I think it’d be more interesting for the video if you wrote more on your own experience of the game rather than whatever we put into it.” So that’s what I did, and while the video isn’t perfect, I’m really proud of the fact that I made a whole argument solely based on my experience of the art.

And you can do that too! If you want to just give your own personal thoughts and put a lot of effort into communicating them clearly, do that! That’s still an essay! Maybe not one with a lot of “academic” foundation to it, but putting something into the world that’s imperfect but entirely yours is so much better than something that’s refined and high-budget only because you bypassed the writing step by stealing other people’s work.

WITH ALL THAT SAID. It does help to look up things if you feel like you’re making an unfounded statement that should probably be supported by another source, and in that case you do need to make sure you do your due diligence to avoid the “mistakes” of the people hbomberguy has called out. But as someone who watches a lot of very research-heavy channels like Philosophy Tube, hbomberguy, FD Signifier and others, it’s really easy to get bogged down and discouraged by that step in the process. So it’s totally okay to get your practice in by making videos that are more opinion-saturated, and steadily figure out how you can ethically work outside sources into your essays. If I learned anything from my university English paper-writing days, it’s that it’s far more important for you to bring your own original thoughts to the table and argue their own merits than it is to show how other academics might agree with you.

[jocksid]

Jock Sid

Welcome to my little corner of lusting for masculine men in all their iterations. If you knew me as Bros in the Closet, then I'm afraid to say my old blog was nuked. I'm not gonna reupload my old content, I'll just push forward. In fact, I'm gonna take this opportunity to change up my themes a little. Rationalize the ones that are very similar, get rid of some that don't interest me anymore, and maybe try to do things with a bit more depth and complexity, in the vain of Homolania or Jocked. For now, if you want in-depth descriptions of my current hashtags, check out my website.

In the meantime, check out my Twitter (https://x.com/Jocksid). Or my published works, if you're so inclined (Amazon).

My novel :)

My other published stories;

:)

-----

Rapid fire, these are what my themes are about:-

Pure fantasy

#homolania, the land governed by the Party under the rule of Homofascism that mandates all citizens be gay with dire consequences if they're not; #poundtown - an all-gay town and the sexual shenanigans that go on there; #bullbarn is an institute that hires "bulls" - high-T alpha men who are paid to breed (mpreg); #man&boiwife, for alpha husbands who take omega bois as wives to breed them to build large families of sons (mpreg)

Bros

#jocked follows Coaches who train young men to be gay jocks, bulls or cheerleaders; #gymbros is about my boi Mark who makes sexual sport of the men at the Warriors of Sparta gym; #bro4bro is about dumb bro bros being all gay with each other, in an underhanded way; #brocode codifies rules of life for sexually confused bros to keep them honest and bro (only not); #pornstarstateofmind for all men taken by egosexuality and sexual narcissism; #boyswillbeboys, cause won't they?

At your service

#diaryofagoodboi, the cummings and cummings of a good boi - a service-oriented man who devotes his life to pleasing other men; #himbosRus, for all the dumb-dumb himbos out there who just wanna be good sluts for men; #yourbigdumbboyfriend is about your boyfriend, who's very big and very dumb.

Just gay things

#gaychad makes clear that gay men can be alphas, and how! #asktell, as in don't ask, don't tell, for closeted men who engage in gay sex, often with other closeted men, and don't want anyone to know about it; #dadsandlads, for every guy who's thought the word "daddy" and got hard; #straightmate is good-natured straight men engaging sexually with their gay friends.

Getting toxic

#worshipyourbully focuses on bullies and the fuckmeat who service them; #fuckmeat is about the same, just not bully-focused; #topsrule deprecates bottoms and puts tops on a pedestal; #goodgurl puts masc gays on a pedestal as they dom fem gays; #conquered puts one man under the heel of another, usually in some kind of role-reversal (for instance, a younger man domming an older man).

My packs

Finally, I like writing about groups of men (packs) who live in dens and follow certain codes of ethics; #fenris for all the wolves who seek loyal brotherhood above all else; #tauron for all the dirty, filthy beasts; #ares for the toxic fuckbois who only top; #meatheads for all the roided pieces of muscle meat; #cerise for butch bottoms who live to make tops their bitches; #orion for beautiful, prissy stars; #summer for the drones who want to surrender their individuality to the hive; #liberius for black kings showing their superiority; #rosiée for fem twinks chasing that straight dick.

Other

#realmen is daft little comments about what it takes to be a "real man"; #gayagenda is about how to spread gayness far and wide (both of these are silly and purely for fun... unlike everything else I write which is deathly serious!)

-----

And that's everything I think. If you knew my previous blog then you'll notice that #femsontop, #trophybody, #bisexualking #ruggered, #str8h8 and #goodboi are all gone. I'll still be writing their content, they'll just fall under one of the other themes that fits the same vibe.

Thanks for supporting me and enjoying my content.

[cherokeecharles]

#Hottakes #11: White Mediocrity at The Grammy’s Isn’t a Surprise Anymore.

It wouldn’t be award season if we weren’t talking about white mediocrity being rewarded or people being surprised that it was awarded. The never-ending saga of ‘I can’t believe Taylor won over [insert great black artist here]’ is now plaguing my timeline for the time being and what better way to break my silence?

During my writing hiatus, I went on an inspiration scavenger hunt—poking around pop culture, TV, music, and yes, even sports (times are tough, sisters). Yet, nothing sparked that writing flame. Then came the Grammys buzz, the usual drill: nominations, snubs, and the betting game of who should win versus who will win. We all would like to think of ourselves as Grammy psychics to some degree. So, imagine my surprise at the post-Grammys shockwave. Why the gasps for the winners? Why the faux shock when black artists get the snub? And seriously, why keep submitting music if it's playing hide-and-seek with recognition? It's like sending your resume to a job that never calls back—maybe it's time to rethink the application process, huh?

Jay-Z delivered a powerful speech while receiving his honoree Hip Hop award. Rather than talking about his accomplishment he went on to give a rant about his wife, Beyoncé, being the most awarded Grammy winner yet always falling short of her peers of winning the coveted Record of the Year award. The speech was compelling and it reflected what many of us said for years. I would’ve been moved by the speech if I knew they weren’t going to keep submitting their music to be snubbed yearly. The speech reflected all of my thoughts of Beyoncé being categorically snubbed every year for that award that we know is likely missing from her résumé. However, I don’t like the fact that it’s being deemed that she’s missing this one thing from greatness. Beyoncé is great on her own and her career, music, and work ethic back up that claim. I think that it’s unfair that her ‘shortcoming’ amounted to an award where the line is always moving.

The award show progressed, and we’re all left to simmer with Jay-Z's speech about snubbing at the Grammys. The end of the award show comes around, and the last and biggest award is Album of the Year. The album of the year award was presented by the one and only Celine Dion. The Album of the Year award is a coveted award, it’s essentially the album that shaped the year we just went through, and the cultural and social impact of said album are factors into who gets the win, or so I thought. The category for album of the year was groundbreaking on its own because this is the first time it has ever had seven of the eight nominations be women. The category on its own with poised for someone who showed great artistry through one album that spoke to the public, and to the Grammy voters. Imagine the lack of surprise on my face when Taylor Swift won. Taylor Swift’s album Midnights won the most desired award beating out SZA’s SOS, Miley Cyrus’ Endless Summer, Janelle Monae’s Age of Pleasure, etc. This Album of the Year award made Taylor Swift the most winningest recipient of the award receiving the most nominations and win in this category.

The aftermath was a storm of criticism that hit Taylor Swift like a hurricane. From her award-acceptance antics to dropping her album bombshell mid-show and dragging poor Lana Del Rey on stage, Swift's behavior was undeniably tacky. But let's not kid ourselves—the uproar wasn't just about her manners. It was the fact that she clinched the Grammys' holy grail, becoming the all-time winningest. Viewers collectively winced, wondering why Taylor got the crown instead of, say, SZA. We act shocked, but really, we've read the exposés, pondered the think pieces, and still tune in annually. Artists keep submitting, black artists keep getting snubbed. If Taylor's the poster child for white mediocrity, why do we willingly sign up for this annual masochism? It's like déjà vu with a side of irony.

I'm not exactly Taylor Swift's number-one fan (and never will be), and I join the chorus of critics giving her the side-eye. But what grinds my gears is the phony shock everyone's putting on. Sure, there are more deserving artists out there, and it's downright ludicrous that a powerhouse like Beyoncé hasn't snagged the top prize. Yet, when does the surprise party end? We've witnessed Grammys snubs so brutal they make 2024 look like a tea party. That's why Jay-Z's speech didn't move my needle. Valid points, definitely, but let's be real, you're still cashing in those Grammy chips and probably gonna play again. Our beloved artists secretly crave that Recording Academy nod and that's why they keep tossing their tunes into the Grammy ring. It's like a messed-up lottery where, once in a blue moon, an artist (looking at you, Zayn and The Weeknd) says, "Enough is enough!" If it's a rigged game, why keep rolling the dice? If you know the ending, why splurge on the movie ticket?

The Grammys will persist as the top accolade artists crave for artistic validation. However, it's crucial to grasp that Grammy wins don't make or break careers. Complaining without a push for change is futile. The Grammys will keep snubbing until artists stop submitting. Despite acknowledging the celebration of mediocrity, there's a glaring lack of transformative action. Perhaps, giving Grammys less power than fans and artists do is key. Even Beyoncé, the greatest artist, faces snubs. Does she need another Grammy to prove her greatness? No, because she already is. Embracing this mindset could make music more enjoyable, sans the Grammy obsession.

What do you guys think? Do you think artist should continue to submit their music to the Grammys? Do you think the Grammys are losing their credibility every year go on? What can the Grammys do to gain back the credibility?

Let me know what you think!

Until then…

Cherokee🤎✨

[romilly-jay]

COSY CATASTROPHE: Fixing the writing

My appreciation for the revision process has grown by witnessing the improvements that can be delivered by successive passes and also from my reading of craft texts. Advice from George Saunders stands out in particular. Saunders is a strong advocate for editing repeatedly at the level of the individual sentence.

In A Swim in a Pond in the Rain (2021), Saunders describes how he will print out a short story, weigh every word, make multiple line adjustments, and then type up the changes, reprint the story, and go again.  Saunders claims that careful and repeated changes to a story’s sentences can result in the story becoming not merely more beautifully written, but also more ethical, more morally valuable and instructive. He proposes that this happens because a writer’s moral failings will also result in writing that contains technical flaws. By reverse-engineering – that is, by eliminating the technical faults – some of the moral inadequacy is softened or removed.

Saunders’ claim is that listening to the voice of the novel (a concept he acknowledges borrowing from Milan Kundera), the writer can end up producing something that is morally wiser, kinder, better than they themselves are as a person. Saunders uses the example of Tolstoy, a writer with an established reputation for showing compassion towards the weak on the page, but a real pain to live with, if his wife’s diaries are believed (and they should be, as a matter of principle, as we cultivate resisting patriarchy by believing a woman when she gives testimony to her domestic travails).

I think it’s important that the solution Saunders offers – this attentive, responsive revision focused at the level of the individual sentence and that repeats over and over, until intuition says that a better story has been achieved – can demonstrably improve the writing but does not necessarily change the writer.

(Maybe it does, but not inevitably…)  I realise that we live in a context where a person’s writing and their life tend to be judged together and I see how that is a useful corrective to the perception that there were no consequences at all if you were a certain kind of person.

Nonetheless, Saunders’ theory encourages me to aspire to writing that is able to rise above my personal failings – and within my personal moral choices, it also offers me a way to be able to consider my engagement with a piece of writing on its own terms and as a separate question from my stance in relation to the author.

I may of course still ultimately choose to engage with neither.

References

§ Saunders, G. (2021) A swim in the pond in the rain: in which four Russians give a masterclass on writing, reading and life. London: Bloomsbury Publishing.

[hochsleep]

Post for introductions and important information!

Series Masterlist

Hi, cuties!

My name is Hochsleep and here I write stuff about Daryl Dixon (my favorite man ever)

Basically I'm just learning how to use this site, so I apologize for my mistakes and errors, I'm a newbie;)

I'll tell you a little bit about myself before we discuss some important things about my art and this account!

• Hochsleep ("hoch" is a form of a word in my native language that translates to "want", sleep you know what it means. I am a Hochsleep because I always want to sleep😴)

• I'm 20 so I can read and write all sorts of vulgarity and am more used to twd content with violence (which I actually hate, I'm a pacifist and don't accept violence anywhere but movies, TV shows and games)

BUT if you are under the age of 18 you really should leave this profile and only come back when you are of legal age!

• she/her

• Autistic moment (just for further understanding and to resolve possible questions about my writing)

• Journalism student at university (I'm close to a nervous breakdown🙂)

• I'm a big fan of twd and Daryl Dixon (obviously, yes) so you and I here will enjoy the company of this wonderful man (yes, I only like fictional men, no other way)

• I'm really just learning how to use Tumblr (it's important for me to say that again) and I really admire the design of other accounts, so hopefully I'll grow in that my profile will get better and more comfortable for us us!

Well, I don't have much more to say at this point. I mean, I'm just an ordinary young girl with no personal life and dreaming of a fictional man from the show, what else is there to tell? But maybe I'll update this post later if you're interested and I feel like sharing;)

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Now important information regarding this profile and my work!

• I plan to write mostly for female readers with a female anatomy, as it's closer and easier for me. But I don't mind the prospect of gender-neutral and male readers in the future!

• I'm currently writing a big paper on ao3 (the link will be below, as well as all the other necessary links, leaf to the end of the post to get it!)

• But I have to warn you, I don't plan on writing big pieces for Y/N just yet! My fanfic on ao3 is entirely about my OC, who has a spelled out past, appearance, character, and more (but it's still interesting, I promise)

• But don't worry, all the work here will be all about you, dear readers. In Y/N format without detailed descriptions of appearance or any specific character (that everyone could more or less match themselves with the character). Everything about Y/N will be mostly left to your taste and imagination ;)

• I'll mention again that English is not my first language! I mostly use a translator (with a bias towards American English), so there may be mistakes and inconsistencies. Feel free to correct me in the comments! If I use any phrases from my native language that are unclear due to being translated word-for-word (I mean, every language has such phrases and stable expressions), I will be sure to clarify for you the meaning of the speech abortion I used! I try to improve my English (also with the help of this blog), so I write in a way that the translator and readers can understand me, so I hope you will find it easy and comfortable to read me!

• You can send me your ideas and requests if you would like them written in my hand, I very much welcome this and would be delighted! All copyrights are reserved, I make sure to credit anyone and everyone whose material, including post ideas and queries, I use! It's important we stay ethical here, guys!

• I will try to appear here as often as possible, so hopefully we won't get lost;)

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Now it's time for the very important part: the rules of use!

• All my work, here and on ao3, is copyrighted!

• You can use my art as inspiration for your pieces, but be sure to tag me!

• If you want to share my art on other venues discuss it with me first! I do not authorize the copying and distribution of my art without my permission!

• I do not give permission to copy and distribute my creations to pass them off as your own without any mention of the real author!

• As for Daryl Dixon and other "The Walking Dead" characters: they are all entirely the property of the creators of the series. I am only responsible for MY OWN vision of the original characters of the series and signing them as part of the fanfiction!

Yes, it's gotten pretty long here, but please understand me. Don't think I'm a nerd, but the intellectual property part of legality is really important to me.

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Now as for the rules for reading this profile! It's pretty simple here.

• I'm completely open to constructive criticism, it is necessary. Therefore, be sure to write if you consider it necessary to correct me and of course express your opinion!

• But don't forget that your opinion shouldn't include: insults and aggressive forms of expression! No insults towards me, other readers and authors!

• My content may contain detailed descriptions of sexually explicit scenes and violence. IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 DO NOT READ THIS PROFILE!

• No distribution of materials prohibited by law in the comments!

• I don't accept hatred based on sexual orientation, gender identity, race, nationality, etc. here. NO HATE!

Okay, we're finally done 🫠

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I'm happy to everyone and anyone here! I suggest you to lose yourself in the forest of my fantasies ;)

I will endeavor to provide a comfortable environment for all of us here. This profile is your safe space!

We have a lot of interesting things waiting for us, guys;)

Thanks for sticking around! Enjoy reading!

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Useful links to other:

ao3:

The darkest night is before the brightest dawn

[lingy910y]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

thanks @energievie, @mybrainismelted, @deedala & @mmmichyyy for the tags! 😁😌💖 these questions are long but fun

1. which character from any media would you like to have as a father? I KNOW i said i don't think ian and mick would be that good as parents but screw it, i want ian to be my dad 😌

2. if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have? i still wouldn’t bc i would like them to be free instead of living with me. even if it’s effortless there’s still a lot of responsibility that comes with taking care of another thing but if there was an ethical way, i want a teacup dog

3. what is your chinese takeout order? i eat chinese food on a daily basis so there’s so much i like but fried ramen or yaki udon (ik it’s japanese but chinese restaurants have them) and wonton. or shrimp rice rolls, i have them every saturday bc they’re my fav food

4. what’s your favorite emoji? 💀 in terms of most used. it’s the superior way to laugh

5. would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house? oooooh library

6. what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly? my little pony 🦄 my little pony🦄 ahh ahh AHH AHH (i still like it)

7. what was your tumblr like when you first joined? bakudeku stuff and kinda cringey posts like "reblog if you don't want to have bad luck" and bad jokes

8. what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself? the cutesy kind like oversized sweaters and leg warmers

9. if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best? genshin, even tho i did so bad on its geoguesser parody LOL

10. what is your favorite piece of art? the question didn't specify the type of art, so i'll say this person's fanart is up there: https://x.com/Tarokunnnn/status/1235139944525504513?s=20

11. do you have a water bottle? yes, it's coral-colored and insulated from zojirushi

12. what fanfic trope is a fanfic fave? ...cheating? if it's one half of the ship cheating on the other person with someone else. the fics aren't my fav bc it's ooc (most of the time) but like i've said before i like angsty drama lmao

13. do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what’s the weirdest thing in it? yeah my backpack that's preppy with pink and tan colors. weirdest things are post-its i still keep from compliments my classmates gave me on my english projects during gallery walks where we have to write down "glows and grows" for others (it's not weird but i had to write smth shh)

14. if you had to ship mickey with another gallagher, who would it be? lip is the least weird option bc debbie, carl, and liam have a way too big age gap with him and they look up to him. that leaves fiona but she's also a girl 😭 and i know i just said cheating is fun to read and it could just be an au but lickey makes me mad AKDJASF (no hate to the shippers) i'm thinking way too hard abt this let's just go with frank

15. what is a fanfic trope you didn’t expect to like and then very much did? historical aus :0c i said i don't really like aus but maybe it's cause i already like history

16. do you think s11 mickey can still carry s11 ian? yeah he's still buff as fuck

17. who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house? they did not go through with selling the house <3 but if they do i see carl and mickey fighting for it LOL

tagging @heymrspatel, @softmick, @krystallouwho, @michellemisfit, @jademickian, @iansw0rld & @juliakayyy

[why-rock-look-tasty-if-no-eat]

Silly Game Time: You are getting an all-expenses-paid vacation for one month to anywhere in the world. Where would you choose to go?

Japan, I really miss Kyoto and I have some unfinished beef with the museums I went to. Namely not being able to buy everything that I wanted. There's this gem museum next to Mount Fuji that doubles as a jeweler and I would love to some of the more pricier items than what I was able to get last time. Another museum would be the Kyoto National Museum because omgs do they have stunning artwork and they live rent free in my head. The statues they have are especially breathtaking, it's insane to think that they were carved by hand from wood. Some of those statues are like 7 ft tall and are insanely detailed!

Back to the gem museum, there's a trend over there that I love, it's where the jewelers cut a pattern into the gem to make it look like a star then hang it horizontally to make it look like it's 'dancing' and I'd love to have a diamond version of it because I only have a zircon one. They also have a history in gemology and I could easily spend another three hours in that museum just looking at their displays. Not to mention that they offer to sell some high quality stuff, and the exchange rate practically halves the price for USD.

Tokyo is definitely third on the list, I want to get more creators build figures from Monster Hunter World (MHW) and to just window shop and get some more art. A cat and owl cafe is also on the agenda, the cost adds up the longer you stay. Honestly I'd love to just be able to revisit places I've been and see shrines I didn't see yet, go to more of the monthly flea markets and such. I never thought I'd be able to an ivory carving (terrible and I hope the guy was just getting rid of some heirlooms that was gotten humanely. I doubt it though) right next to a guy selling strawberries and veggies.

The strawberries tasted delicious. Speaking of food, I'd probably try and visit some night markets since I didn't last time (social anxiety let's gooo) and try out some real street food. Maybe go to more corner restaurants and such. Buy more clothes since they're made with humid heat in mind and where I live it's both. That and I like their style.

Uh, if it's a good time of year I'd probably head down to Okinawa and swim in one of their beaches since the province acts similar to Hawai'i being a vacation destination from mainlanders.

For my last three days or so I'd try and see if I could do what I couldn't do last time and go from the lowest point to the highest point in Japan. That's been a goal of mine for some years now and I couldn't fit it into my schedule last time.

It's been almost a year since I was there for work and I still think about Japan. Their work ethic is insane but it's at a pace I'm used to and not every country is perfect. They can be pretty racist but honestly I experienced less racism over there than back in the states. Everyone I met was lovely and didnt judge me to much for tripping up on speaking Japanese. I can understand them verbally and written well enough to get by but their syntax makes it hard for me to write or speak. And, well, since it's all expenses paid I'd take along my family and friends and I'd get to show them the country that holds a piece of my heart 💙

[gillianthecat]

Bees in my head, there are so many bees in my head today 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Anyway, I watched the first two episodes of Unintentional Love Story. Which I quite liked! And I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next. It's humorous and tropey but still with depth. I love the sunshine boy (I can't remember anyone's name yet) and how he is both genuinely sunshiny, and simultaneously using that charm out of desperation. The actor is bring wonderful nuance to the role. I'm less sure about the ceramicist, there's an awkwardness to him that I can't tell if it's the character or the actor, but I'm willing to wait and see. And I quite like the character, so even if his actor isn't up to the level of the other one, i don't think it will ruin the show for me.

I also like that he's a ceramicist! I'm getting a little tired of so many of the creative/artist characters being chefs. (Although there have been some writers too.) Part of it is a me thing about my own issues, but also variety is nice! I loved the scene at the kiln—it gave us a glimpse of the ceramicist being more relaxed and himself, plus sunshine's heart pot! 😻

I literally knew nothing about this going in besides @heretherebedork's screenshots of that loom (which was indeed an amazing loom, even better than I expected), which always makes for an interesting time at the beginning as I figure out what the tone and direction of the story are going to be. The beginning felt quite rapid fire, getting the characters into place to set the story in motion, realism be damned, but I don't mind the contrivance of the premise. I love an ethical dilemma derailed by falling for someone.

This series somehow feels more leisurely and expansive than most Korean BL that I've seen? More like a Thai BL, or a bigger budget mainstream (het) Kdrama. I think a big part of that feeling is that we're getting TWO! whole couples (I'm assuming). And I love all four characters already. Two variations on enemies to lovers! And all four of them seem like compelling people. Even the older ceramicist seems interesting enough. I only hate the smarmy senior colleague.

I haven't even checked how many episodes there are, so maybe it is a short series after all, but so far it doesn't feel cramped and truncated. Thirty minutes seems to be about the dividing line between a full episode and a condensed one, and these fall just on the long enough side.

Anyways I may write more about what I love about these characters later, after I look up their names. This was actually supposed to be a really short post just to note that I watched it, but then I got carried away.

Because I meant to talk about the bees in my head and how I'm mentally jumping all over the place right now, and how my wildly fluctuating attention span led me to read a post about Death Note, and then decide I needed to go watch it. Which I did. And, shh, confession time: this is the very first anime I've ever intentionally watched. I've seen bits and pieces of stuff, and been in the room with my nephews as the watched Pokémon and Naruto, but I've never deliberately sought it out. Am I getting kicked off of Tumblr for this?

The post that got me looking was poking fun at people who talk about the age gap between the two shipped characters being problematic when it's least troubling thing about them, and I was like, hmm... I'm kinda intrigued. One Netflix renewal later (I needed it anyway to watch The Glory season two) and here I am.

I'm intrigued so far? I may or may not share my thoughts on it later, but I will probably watch more episodes.

[stormboundscholar]

Journal Entry

December 4, 2023

Hey everyone, welcome back to my blog. I haven't posted in a while, and I must sadly admit this will probably happen again. I have decided to stick to a journal-like type of blog instead so that things are easier to follow.

***Note: This post sadly turned into a rant as I was writing it. It may be a bit of a downer, so feel free to skip this one if you want.

Well, things have certainly changed a lot lately.

Let's start with my social life. It should be the most important part of the human experience after all. It hasn't been great. Even though I didn't appreciate it enough, I was actually well liked by all of my classmates. This sadly changed after several blunders by the school administration. My teachers like me a lot, and (not bragging about it, just a fact) I am the best student in my class by many metrics. Long story short, my teachers sadly showed their favoritism way too much, and I sadly lost some friends over that. I also lost a lot of goodwill with the friends that stayed.

Everyone wants to be at the top, in my current environment that puts a target on my back. I wanted to avoid the worst effects of this by trying my best to be nice to everyone, but sadly I failed. I still try to act friendly with everyone but I've been getting the cold shoulder a lot more than usual. What started as friendly competition has turned into rivalry and I hate it.

Weirdly enough, I have started doing better with my exams. There seems to be a correlation between my loneliness and success. I guess that's a silver lining.

Well, while my exam results are getting better, I must admit that my work ethic has suffered a lot lately. There are just a lot of stressful things I have to juggle at once. My teachers are continuing to hand out tens of pages of homework like usual. The spectre of my University entrance exams are looming on my back like always, getting ever closer. An involuntary, but still sedentary lifestyle is actively hurting my body and mind. I am trying to keep my calories in check to avoid the worst effects but I guess it is still affecting me. I am not a winter person so that's another issue that annoys me from time to time. Lately I just haven't had a lot of energy to study because I have to deal with all that.

I've also been indulging my addictions more and more as of late. My brain just wants the easy serotonin that social media provides. I hate that this piece of shit is basically all the entertainment I have, or I would have thrown away my phone by now... Damn it!

Things were going great. Where did I mess up? Winter is always an unproductive season for me but I didn't think that it would be this bad!

I need to get my shit together and fast. It's possible to handle most of my problems , just a little too hard for my tastes. I still hope that I can return here with good news soon

Well, this unintentionally turned into a rant. I know that it may have been a bit of a downer, but I just had to spill my thoughts out somewhere. Maybe I will try to make a more uplifting post tomorrow, plan what I can do to solve my problems.

In any case, that's all for now. Good night everyone, and good luck!

[shallow-between-stars]

As part of my role I do have to teach students how to use AI.

And yeah, it sucks, but as much as it pains me to admit it, it's just like when I was a kid learning how to use a search engine properly.

Anyway, the first thing you do with AI is show the kids that AI can't count. That immediately casts off some of the glamour.

But yeah, then you start asking it to talk about things you have already learned in class, things that you've already got the kids to read notable sources about, things that they've already learned about and point out the places where AI is just flat wrong. Older, more advanced English classes I explain the concept of AI Hallucination and what Mass Averaging is, and how AI doesn't have a thought process of its own, it's just using the average of what it finds everywhere else.

And by this time you've got maybe one or two diehards still left in the class but most of the kids are ready to listen.

And because I'm in a school where part of my job hinges on using at least some AI with the kids (We're a 'Microsoft Excellence School') you break down what AI is good for.

It is very good at checking for inconsistencies in grammar and proofreading work. It is very good at giving writing prompts and essay outlines or paragraph plans. It is a very good springboard to start from. It is good at breaking down questions into simpler language and picking out key points.

And usually by this time the two diehards are starting to come around.

The last thing you do is you explain to the students that it is very easy to tell AI work from the average 15 year old's work. And then you prove it. My students write a weekly journal piece for me that is part of their grade. Usually one or two (before I give this spiel) are using AI to write theirs.

I'm not above using a little shame in my class so I hold up the one or two AI pieces that I get, with a big, red AI written in the thickest marker I have, for the entire class to see. Usually (because this is the type of relationship I have with the kids and stick hard and fast to my "being honest will net you less trouble than trying to get out of it" rule) the kids will sheepishly laugh and admit that "Yeah, I wrote it with AI."

I give them two options, write it again themselves or get zero and they usually write it again themselves.

And I usually get 'proper' use of AI going forward.

I, personally, don't like AI but am trapped in the unfortunate spot of having to teach 'ethical' AI use. I also go into resource management and how much power and water it takes to run a useful AI, and the kids are usually pretty environmentally conscious by the time they get to me and they listen well.

Depending on the class I might also talk about AI 'partners' and how AI Girlfriends and Boyfriends are designed to steal data, and talk about malicious computer software as well. I always have phishing conversations and safe social media conversations with the kids as well.

[ai-archive-for-all]

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐀𝐈?

In the last 2 years or so AI generative platforms have become a hit. A huge boom that is used to create all sorts of knowledge, content, companionship etc. Some of it however has turned out bad, wrong or even downright evil, while other has actually brought comfort, and care to the users and overall generally good stuff.  Think ChatGTP, You.com, Gencraft, Lummini, Midjourney are just samples in the grand scheme of AI tools on the internet. And since their creation the AI art, writing, bots, deep fakes etc such have expanded tremendously. 

AI stuff is everywhere; whether you know and like it or not. 

But, like everything out there, especially a new piece of technology, it has raised mixed feelings. And justifiably so. A lot of the generative sites mentioned above use models such as DALL-E 2, Stable Diffusion and other models . Which exact data sources these models build on is however unclear (See Dennis, 2022). Which is the biggest ethical issue with AI art (and to a certain extent AI Writing). This data could come from open source data and data submitted and willingly for the AI to be trained on, but a lot of the time it is trained on art from real artists and authors who have not consented to it. This makes AI art and content problematic since it is used for commercial use.

However, if I may be the devil's advocate. I think this is a much bigger issue for original works and published creations and in commercial setting than Tumblr and fan creations at large. Why? Because legally speaking (although it depends where you are of course, I can only speak from European context at large) but fanfiction and fanart by itself can be seen as copyright infringement into the original works copyright. By legal definition, copyright infringement occurs when:

Too much of the original works elements are copied, uses the characters or distinct elemets from the original work or that the new works characters or distinct elements are too similar to the original work, alternatively that the new work competes on the same market as the original work (AI Archive translation & simplification)

So, in other words, basically the entire fanfiction and fanart community could be and would be shut down if the original works creators wanted it to. Still it is (mostly) allowed to exist because we don’t claim to own the works, we don’t compete with the original creations market (aka do it not for money) but rather try showing appreciation for the original works art. It’s a thin line to say the least and even with that thin line, only, maybe a handful of works would be considered individual enough not to be copyright infringement. 

Do you get where I’m going with this? If we cry too much, especially in the fandom community about AI infringement, what is to say that governing institutions will not make another serious purge attempt at us all, AI and non AI creators that breach the strict definition of copyright (I doubt it will happen). Rather on a deeper level, I don’t think the issue is so much about AI itself, but rather how it is used. 

More precisely, the problematic issue when a fanfiction/fanart creator uses AI content and do not declare their AI use (which is also something Dennis mentions). For example omitting the information all together anywhere on their blog, or, worse yet, denying that they used AI to create their content such as a fic or picture. I know I am guilty of including it on the blog but not under every post where AI had a small insignificant part of the total work (part in a banner for a fanfiction) and I’m definitely going to be even more transparent about it in the future. 

I encourage you to do the same, while also considering that, maybe, within the context of tumblr and fandom work we shouldn’t be talking about ‘good creator not using AI’ or ‘bad creator using AI’ but rather be open and honest about how and why AI was used in our works. And on a larger field advocate and motivate companies to create data sets that do not infringe into content creators rights, but instead create a possibility for writers, authors and artists to submit their pieces into the data set to create a more ethical use of it. 

Because only when we’re honest about how and why we use AI can we start tackling all of the underlying issues AI has.

See Sources & Additional info below:

Steve Dennis (2022) "The AI Art Debate: Excitement, Fear and Ethics"

Kavya Goyal (2024) "Exploring GenCraft.ai | An Overview"

𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 | 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 & 𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 | 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐔𝐬𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 & 𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬

[guerrillaeducationminiblog]

The power of rubrics

First of all, I know that rubrics are nothing new.  We’ve had stuff like this for years – we might have called it something different – steps to success or success criteria maybe, but they’ve always been around.  The word ‘Rubric’ wasn’t something we’d ever used, and we only started after reading a book called ‘An Ethic of Excellence’ by Ron Berger.  The main theme of the book is around how we might build a culture of craftsmanship with young people by considering the audience for their work.  It’s a fantastic book, and there’s far too much to go into here, but one of the things we took from it was an idea around how to help children develop a sense of ownership of their learning.

Traditionally, we’d always been the ones who created success criteria for the children.  In the early days of the national strategies, we were plagued by WALT and WILF – WALT was about sharing the learning intention (see last month’s mini blog to hear why I think this is overrated), and WILF was about listing the things that we wanted the children to include in their work.  

When the children had done whatever it was that we wanted them to do, let’s say a piece of writing, then they would happily tick off the statements from the success criteria.  What we’d noticed though, is that they got a bit tick happy.  It seemed that some of them hadn’t even read the statements on the checklist before ticking – and the ticks often bore no relation to what was actually included (or not included) in their work.  In short, it looked very much like we were a lot more bothered about the success criterial than the children.  I suppose it’s not really a surprise – they might have been well intentioned, but ultimately, there wasn’t really any buy in from the people who mattered the most.   

The shift to rubrics changed this.  First of all, we worked on developing the process of critique.  This involved teaching the children how to give warm and cool feedback on an exemplar piece of work or a WAGOLL (What A Good One Looks Like).  We used sentence starters to help with this… ‘I really like the way…’ or ‘Why don’t you try…’.  It took a while to get it right, but when we were happy, we started to show the children how to use their feedback to create statements for their own rubrics.  This was pretty easy – a piece of warm feedback such as ‘I really like the way you used a compound sentence to add detail to your writing’, became:  ‘Use compound sentences to add detail’.  Before long, this became embedded.  We’d show an exemplar, discuss it (and have the children discuss it), they’d then generate warm feedback, turn the feedback into rubric statements and write them up on a sheet like the one below...

Because we applied the same model across the curriculum, there was plenty of opportunity to practice too – whether in history, geography or art and design.  The statements generated from the warm feedback populated the ‘Going for Green’ section – this represented the features that the children wanted to include to meet the expected standard (set by the quality of the WAGOLL).  The going for gold represented a challenge – something that the child would really like to try within their work.

Now whilst none of this is particularly innovative, the impact it had was noticeable almost immediately.  The children were now bothered about the rubrics.  They paid attention to them, and used them not only as a means of assessing their success at the end of the piece of work, but also throughout to ensure they were still on track.  We used them from Foundation stage to year six.  For our younger children we completed them as a group or class – the children generated the statements, and we recorded them.  Sometimes, the recording used pictures or symbols to make sure they were accessible.  

Maybe the difference it made shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it did.  We’d underestimated the power of feeling in control of your learning – the power of ownership, and when we’d seen it, there was no going back.

If you’d like to find out more about the impact of rubrics and the critique process, there’s a chapter in my book ‘The Monkey-Proof Box’ that gives more detail, you can also come and see for yourself at one of our open events.  

[gojology]

— gojo, megumi, yuuji | crushing on dense fem reader

the request :

pairing : gojo, megumi, and yuuji x dense fem! reader warnings : cursing, no proof reading wordcount : 1212 a/n : anon i cant believe u asked for hcs when im this bad at writing them ... girl r u good ?

GOJO SATORU  ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Now, Gojo is as straightforward as it gets with relationships. 

☆ When Gojo first realized he had a thing for you, he was all for it! I mean, what’s not to like about you? 

☆ He obviously forgot how dense you are. Any expression of love towards you was fruitless, it was like you didn’t give another thought. 

☆ He would wrap a hand around your waist, call you affectionate nicknames, show you off to a very disgusted  and uninterested Yuuji and Nobara. Rarely did Megumi join in, he was probably off doing his own thing.

☆ You just thought he was being friendly. 

☆ He finds your density kind of enduring, often finding himself studying you, just to make sure no one’s hurting you. 

☆ Gojo felt like some sort of guardian angel looking after you 24/7, but he doesn’t mind watching you.

☆ I feel like sometimes he just straight up says, “I like you.” you chalk it up as some sort of... twisted joke. And he’s getting frustrated at this point.

☆ When you’re off campus, off doing your own thing, he discusses with Shoko, asking her what his best chances are. 

☆ Gojo absolutely follows every advice Shoko gives him, even if it’s stupid, because honestly he hasn’t got any experience with a girl as dumb as you. He’s tried everything at this point!

☆ When you and Gojo are doing your own thing, alone, he leans in real close to you, and it takes everything in him to not kiss your lips. That’s what Shoko thinks might work, near physical contact was enough of a sign to say, “Hey! I like you.” 

☆ Shoko always says that you probably won’t realize any approach other then a direct one, and this was direct enough right?

☆ This piece of advice he particularly ignores, though. He doesn’t go all the way with the advice, he’s scared of ruining the friendship, no matter what Shoko says.

☆ He values you as a friend so deeply, you always seem to forget that he’s the most powerful, and he enjoys the normal relationship between the two of you.

☆ Gojo never, ever wants to lose that. He’d rather call you pumpkin then the rest of his life, while you obliviously stared back, then call you another friendship gone haywire. 

☆ So you two just look at each other, all silent. You’re obviously curious why he’s staring at you with a starving pair of eyes, but eventually he laughs it off and hands you his favorite candy that he always kept in his pocket. 

☆ He hands you your favorite flavor, because he always remembers it. 

☆ You walk away, chewing and rolling the candy around on your tongue, and he wishes he could taste how your mouth tastes afterward. 

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Poor Megumi over here, he’s basically a tsundere.

☆ Megumi hate’s confrontation, so he does EVERYTHING in his power so he doesn’t have to tell you directly.

☆ Nonetheless, he has a horribly bad crush on you. He also has trouble hiding it.

☆ Thing is, he doesn’t want to fuck up the friendship. After all, he was your “study partner”. 

☆ You’d often find yourself in his room, analyzing old Jujutsu writings for Gojo’s homework assignments. (Why the guy assigned homework, you have no idea.)

☆ Megumi was silent. He didn’t like speaking unless being spoken to. This changed with you. 

☆ While you’re writing or doodling in your journal, he sneaks glances at you. 

☆ Once in a while, he’ll realize you’re writing a word incorrectly.

☆ Instead of taking an eraser like any normal person does, Megumi insists that he would help you write out the words

☆ Holding your hand, he’d guide you, muttering the letters under his breath.

☆ He wishes he could hold your hand forever, it’s warm compared to his cold ones, and then his mind wanders.

☆ Wondering just how warm your cuddles get. 

☆ Blushing ferociously now, he looks down at the paper, and you look at him, confused as to why he stopped writing. 

☆ He’s incredibly stiff, he doesn’t wanna think about that while you’re right in front of him. You tap him a few times, and he jolts back to Earth. 

☆ You ask him what he was doing, but he doesn’t reply, instead stroking your hand’s skin and grumbling words you couldn’t understand. 

☆ You sit there, maybe he has anxiety, that’s why he’s stroking you like a therapy cat. 

☆ Megumi’s weighing out the positives and negatives of asking you out right this second, but his anxiety prevents him. He touches your skin subconsciously. 

☆ Negatives always seem to win though, he doesn’t wanna risk losing his friend. He turns back to look at your face once more, fluttering his long eyelashes, taking a deep breath in, and continuing the assignment. 

☆ “Next time” is all that echoes in the back of his mind.

☆ You just think it’s a bit weird, to be honest. Why does he look at you that way?

☆ You just think that he has his moments of too intensely thinking. 

ITADORI YUUJI ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆Like you, Yuuji’s also dense. ☆ Unlike you, he has the power and the courage of asking Gojo what these feelings were. ☆ “Yuuji-kun, have you ever felt love for someone special before?” ☆ “No, what’s that, Gojo-senpai?”  ☆ “That’s the feeling you get around (Y/N). You think she’s cute, I bet that.” ☆ That’s how the bastard found out he had a crush on you, through his equally as stupid teacher. ☆ This clearly spelled out disaster. ☆ Whenever you and Yuuji went out on missions, Yuuji would offer to cover for your role in the mission as well, claiming that you needed a break. ☆ “Why?” you’d ask ☆ “Because, I like you.” ☆ “Wow, Itadori-kun! You’re really nice!” you say, a smile on your lips, “Honestly though that’s a lot of work on your shoulders, I think I’ll-” ☆ He would stop you in his tracks, and kind of look at you. ☆ Yuuji thinks your work ethic is precious, and he deeply admires that. ☆ He also thinks your density is really cute, but he worries that he’s not masculine enough for you. ☆ This is why he tries to appear more, “macho” as he says it, around you ☆ But inside, he’s soft, and soft for you only. ☆ Despite his usual friendly and carefree personality, he would punt someone into the horizon if they looked at you different. He was overprotective that way. ☆ But you never truly got the hint, and he always was upset by this, in which Gojo would comfort him, and the cycle would restart. ☆ But here’s the problem: he doesn’t want to ruin the relationship. As much as he trusts Gojo, nothing was showing out of his obvious flirting, and eventually his confidence wore out. ☆ Sometimes he still tries talking to you in that flirty manner, but you just tilt your head and kinda go, “What?” ☆ Giving you a big, reassuring grin, he gives you a thumbs up. ☆ He sighs as he does so, telling you, “Nevermind.” and talks about something else. ☆ Deep down, he’s cursing himself out, he thinks it’s all his fault and not you just being stupid.