#he cared very deeply for people on an individual level and probably had a lot more personal connections to denizens of Hallownest

[vulturereyy]

Just realized the implications of this lore i made up for him means Hegemol very likely did not know the extent of the Pale King's ... Carnage. I feel like he would have known the broad strokes of the plan -- all five knights would have known, just going off Ogrim saying 'So there were others...' In his dream nail dialogue. But he would have been fairly bedridden and likely left to rest during the most dire parts of the Pale King's plan in action.

I think he would have known vaguely enough to protest at the location of the sealed egg; Dirtmouth is his hometown, after all, and it's far from as well-equipped as say the City of Tears or even Crystal Peak. He may have even protested at Lurien being asked to become a dreamer given the man's status and necessity in the City of Tears. (and also I headcanon that Hegemol had a quiet thing for Lurien and Hegemol was meant to be the commander of his Watcher Knights before he took ill, but that's another story that I have zero backing for) But I don't know if he would have known the absolute extent that his king went to, to try and preserve bug and nest. And I'm not sure he'd want to return to PK's side if he did.

Doodled a little Hegemol Pharom having a sit in his hometown... Background taken from a Hollow Knight screenshot :) Fully indulging in my canon character headcanons now. I have a previous post here that semi spells out what I think happened to Hegemol, but basically, I think he was one of the very first to succumb to the Radiance. Perhaps even targeted due to his proximity to the Pale King. But because she didn't yet have the influence over bug and mind she has at game time, her infection manifested more as growing illness, that slowly had him withering away as the dim light in the back of his head grew stronger. (It was during this time that the Maggot stole his armor; it seemed really unlikely that such a grand knight would just... let that slip willingly?) Again, most likely due to his proximity to the PK and his own will, Hegemol managed to stave her off to the very end. After months (years?) of slowly falling into her grasp, Hegemol finally met his fate at the hands of an infected siege. I imagine the City of Tears was only sealed off after the infected outside began invading the city in force. Hegemol was the one to pull down the gate himself with the last of his strength, shattering the mechanisms that raise and lower it in the process and succumbing to fatal wounds. This is why it's his statue that holds the city crest, made to commemorate the first of the Five Great Knights to fall. Hegemol had spent most of his years helping the denizens of Hallownest, and the city he called home would not be unsealed without his 'blessing.' The fact he broke the gate to close it is also why it shuts behind you upon opening; it wasn't repaired fully before the infection got to the rest of the city's inhabitants. Also I think Hegemol is the eldest of the Great Knights, and was born during the formation of Hallownest. He was from Dirtmouth originally, and his mothers were both confectioners lauded for their skill in making sweet jellies. They moved to the City of Tears fairly early on and were quick to support the PK's regime, mostly due to their existing ties with their noble customer base. Hegemol ended up joining the first wave of knights and worked his way up to the ranks, standing out by size of body and heart. Hegemol cared deeply for all of Hallownest, despite serving the upper echelons in the CoT for most of his run. When he fell, his fellow knights knew of his quiet desire to be lain to rest in the Howling Cliffs, so he could watch over his humble hometown and the way into Hallownest eternally. After the defeat of the Radiance, Hegemol found his life returned to him with the essence expelled from her body, but the injury and illness he suffered before his end still lingered. He managed to make his way back down to Dirtmouth and was taken in by the townsfolk to recover. With his distinct horns shattered and previous habit of almost never being seen without his armor, Hegemol took the gift of respite willingly. He told them his name is Pharom, and he claims he can't truly remember anything that happened. Really, he's just taking things slow... Enjoying life as a simple bug again and regaining his strength to help rebuild. Maybe one day he'll get the courage to see what became of his fellow knights an King. But I think this guy deserves a god damned break!

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Jinx and Ekko - Embodying the Tragedy

From day 1 we know Arcane is a tragedy. It's obvious in the first act what type of story this will be. Characters with the best of intentions go through gut-wrenching experiences that they might never fully recover from, people with ill-intentions gain power and affluence, and caring about others on a personal level is the very thing that destroys someone's ability to fight for systemic change. Not a very feel-good tale.

Because Arcane is laden with tragedy left and right, most characters exemplify this theme or go through it in some way, but I think the two characters that speak to it the best are Jinx and Ekko.

Jinx is very straightforward. Tragedy clings to her, follows her everywhere from the moment her parents died in an uprising. Her very name is a reminder of the moment in time where it all fell apart. She did the unspeakable, she killed her brothers and her father. Her sister, understandably upset by this, struck her and walked away long enough to leave her feeling completely and utterly abandoned. After this, she did have a chance to know love and care again, but the individual providing that to her was deeply scarred as well. Silco loved her, truly, but he manipulated her out of fear of her abandoning him, and he fed into her worst tendencies. For someone who was fighting for a whole nation, he was deeply misanthropic as a person, held no good will or trust of those around him, and did his best to instill in Jinx that they could only count on each other, that they were all that mattered at a human level. His ideals of Zaun were lofty and detached from him personally. The paranoia that he encouraged in her was his downfall, when in a fit of panic and delusions she kills him, too.

You would think Jinx would lose hope, and she does, for a while. And then a child falls into her life. She gets a chance to be a big sister this time. She can rewrite some of her own past, care for Isha, encourage her, bring her along to every fight because she won't leave her behind. Even better, she makes up with her older sister, and they find out their shared father is miraculously still alive, even if he's changed as well, and he still loves her. For a brief period of time, everything seems like it's going well, it's healing, she might be okay. Only for it to crash down, for Isha and Vander to die again. And Isha, we must remember, sacrifices herself to save Jinx, something I think Jinx would never have wanted. She would rather herself die than Isha, she's the elder sibling the one who's supposed to protect. So, Jinx drops down to her lowest point yet, suicidal, feeling as if there is no good left in her.

Now, many of the characters have been through lots of shit. But as outlined above in a brief recap of all the people who've died around her, I think Jinx really takes the cake. She's the person who was repeatedly responsible for accidental deaths of her loved ones. And in the end, she has to sacrifice herself to keep Vi from dying at the hands of the shell of their father, knowing he isn't there anymore. *Note. I don't think Jinx is dead. I think she escaped in the vents and then on the airship. but, she still had to allow herself to fall and protect Vi.

And then we have Ekko, who has seen his own share of tragedy. His father, Benzo, dies. He probably holds some guilt for the information he gave to Vi, Mylo, Claggor, and Powder that sent them on the original mission that started all of this. But aside from that, he's really made the most of this situation. He has built up his own community of vigilantes and freedom fighters, people who do their best to help others with the limited resources they can. They bust drug operations to try to keep further harm from proliferating, they have a home hidden away to keep people safe.

Where Jinx does everything wrong at almost every turn, usually by accident, Ekko does almost everything right. He cares about people, he tries to protect others. When he's faced with the ability to take out a key player in the underground crime ring, Jinx herself, he can't bring himself to do it because he can still remember the little girl she once was.

And what does Ekko get, for being so kind-hearted, good-natured, having genuinely good ideals and politics of hyperlocal mutual aid, tending to nature, and protecting your people using group tactics in fights?

A big, fat nothing. Ekko has one of the mostly deeply sad endings of all the characters. He ends up alone, all by himself, having only the memories of the girl he loved in two timelines because one of them left him, and he left the other one.

Yes, he gets a brief interlude, one that brings back his hope for Jinx. Ekko gets to go to an alternate timeline, a different dimension where things went differently. Things were better, Zaun was starting to thrive, the people he loved were mostly still alive (save for poor Vi). This other Ekko and Powder were in love, they were happy, they had an easy rapport with teasing and banter and they worked on projects together and got to hang out at the Last Drop with their family members. Living life in this other guy's shoes, Ekko has a true taste of happiness. And he could have stayed. Instead, he works tirelessly to get back to his own world. Because Ekko is a good person. Even if he didn't have work in the other universe, which he did, because he knows how bad it is there and he knows he's a community leader. Even if he didn't know he needed to use this information and inspiration to get back to Jinx, to give her a little more hope. He also has to be aware of the fact that this isn't his. He took over the body of the other Ekko. He's replaced a human being with his own consciousness. He grows to love Powder, yes, but she's not his Powder to love. Still, he could have stayed- staying is the default, it's inaction, he has to find a way and build a thing to leave, which he could just. Not do.

But of course, Ekko, probably the most selfless person in the whole show, builds the thing and goes back to his own universe. He leaves paradise, he leaves Powder and Benzo and his friends. Again, because he's a good person, because he's not selfish, because he couldn't live with himself if he were that person. He's not that person. He's one of the good ones, one of the best.

And again- what does he get for this sincere goodness? Nothing. He gets less than nothing, he loses Jinx again. After talking her down, convincing her to fight, building something new with her, she's gone again in a flash. We don't get to see him meet up with Vi, even if, perhaps, post-canon they might do so. He's sat, alone, in a place he once kissed a girl he loved.

Arcane is a Tragedy. So the Jinx, the girl whose bad luck follows her every step of the way, never really seems to escape that. Death sticks to her like a shadow and she loses people at every turn. And the Boy Savior does just that, he saves people, and he keeps saving people, and the people he saves, he doesn't get to keep. He doesn't get to keep the people who saved him, either. He doesn't get to keep anyone. He ends up alone. They end up apart.

And thus, to me, they embody two sides of the same tragedy, possibly the best out of anyone.

[consumeroflemoans]

Sunday

- First Impression

When Sunday first shows up he’s introduced by Aventurine as the ‘most handsome man in Penacony’ to which Robin outs her brother by revealing that Sunday called Aventurine ‘the most dashing person in Penacony’

Sunday then goes to ‘speak in private’ with Aventurine

My first impression was these bitches gay

- Impression now

Oh my sweet baby boy with religious trauma. I love him so much and I want to see him suffer

He’s such a fascinating character to explore because while he’s a villain, he does kind of have a point. He really has the people’s best interests in mind and he has a really kind heart. He’s just been groomed by Gopher Wood into thinking the Order is the only way he can help people

Also while he does have people’s best interests in mind, he also struggles a lot with needing to be in control. (Pretty sure he canonically has OCD)

I love him so much

- Favorite Moment

The moment with Aventurine where he’s asking him all the questions about his past. Really any moment with Aventurine is so fascinating because it’s two deeply traumatized yet powerful individuals that specialize in getting things out of others clashing

Sunday’s actually so scary in that scene I love him

Also I love Sunday’s boss battle and all the cutscenes that lead up to it so much

“Is darkness equal to daylight? Are sinners equal to the righteous? If you are born weak, which god should you turn to for solace?”

That voice line gets stuck in my head so often

- Idea for a story

This has been talked about before but I really enjoy all the explorations of where Sunday goes after the quest since he can’t exactly run Penacony anymore. Stellaron Hunter Sunday where he continues his antagonist arc and finds purpose in Elio’s script, Sunday joining the trailblazers to witness the suffering he wanted to remove from the world firsthand, IPC Sunday where he has to work under the very people that destroyed his life just like Aventurine and Topaz

There’s so many interesting interactions and possibilities with Sunday. So many different factions witnessed him almost becoming a god. Seeing how different characters would interact with him on a personal level would be interesting

- Unpopular Opinion

I don’t know how unpopular this is, but Sunday lowkey had a point about his seven days of rest. If he wasn’t so focused on control and the Order and instead collaborated with Robin and her ‘help the weaker people’ mentality I think they could have genuinely done some good in Penacony

- Favorite Relationship

Does me gushing about Aventurine and Sunday clashing against each other say anything. Theyre probably my favorite

To be honest, Sunday doesn’t properly interact with most of the cast. I love his relationship with Robin and how much he cares for her. They kind of give Kamisato siblings in another universe vibes

There’s also Ratio but he and Sunday spoke like twice? And it was about Aventurine

I like Sunday and Sparkle’s interactions for the sole reason of her calling him Chicken Wing Boy

- Favorite headcanon

I don’t know if this is canon or not because they’ve hinted at it some with Robin. I really like the idea of the Halovian siblings having wings on their torso as well as their head. Also I really like the people that draw Sunday with six wings on his head like a angel

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi Kait, I'm the anon who played the RAE without the route and I'm back to bother you with my thoughts lol. So long ask ahead and RAE spoilers!

If I had to describe my feelings in one word, I'd say it was an intense experience. As I said, I had only played the Causal Route by then, and of course those three routes are lighter than the rest (not that they aren'temotional, but they're less emotional. So it was my first exposure to the heaviest parts of the game, and boy did I feel the change.

As for GE Saeran, it's hard to describe. I did care about him, I definitely did. But I cared because you (Kait and the other players) cared deeply for him and I got to read your analysis and fics and hopeful words for the AE. I cared because I knew Saeyoung cared, and even if I played his route after the RAE I can understand the love from a sibling and the need to protect him.

(Similar thing with V, I can understand Jumin's love and trust for him because I see my best friend and me exactly like that. So when V betrayed them, and I had no way to know that he would because I didn't know he had gone back to Rika in the route, I was absolutely heartbroken and I had to work through those feelings when I played his route)

Back to Saeran. When I started playing, I kind of feel like I was inserted in the middle of a story, if that makes sense. But aside from being scared of getting a bad ending since I had few prior knowledge, I didn't really felt too out of place. Probably because it was still the RFA.

My impression of Saeran was that he was someone who was learning how to grow as a person, but he had quite managed to understand that he was free of choice, and that I as his partner was someone who respected his freedom of choice. He also looked healthier than I expected. And he had so much love to give, which I assumed was also a new experience for him. With the choices I noticed that he was still learning how to do that, since he was figuring put what he wanted but sometimes he was still a bit dependent on the MC's choices (like the option when the player said to leave it all behind and go to the beach, which I correctly assumed would lead to a bad ending). So that was my impression of the relationship, that it was based on mutual respect for the other's choices, and Saeran was learning to find his own individuality.

So it was all about supporting his choices, and not leaving him alone, and caring about him. And that was the gut feeling that lead me through the game. And we came to his choice to sacrifice himself, but I wasn't surprised, because in my mind I thought that of course he would. I'm somewhat like that too, and he didn't see another path, and as I said he was still learning to put himself first too sometimes. But I never felt that it was the end, I knew the MC wouldn't leave him alone.

Then I got the bad relationship ending in day 4 (twice) and I was absolutely heartbroken. Anyways.

And that's about it, when I managed to pass that part, I still knew I didn't have to leave him alone, and I was very happy with the ending.

As for Rika, I was a tad confused because I didn't know much about her, so I was surprised she wanted to create a family. I got to learn more about her later.

Of course, I had a lot of feelings through the entire AE. As I said, it was intense, and in just 4 days I ended up caring deeply about Saeran in another level, because of my own experience playing. So yeah, I don't know what to say to finish this sl thank you for being interested in my thoughts

First off, thank you for sharing your experience with me because I was curious how he might read as a character to somebody who only had interactions with Unknown up until that point.

It makes me happy to know that even if people don't know him, they can see that he's trying to be better every day, and it might seem a bit messy, but that's a part of the healing process. The road to getting better is very bumpy, and sometimes you run into roadblocks along the way. It's not always going to work out the way you think it will, but what matters is that you keep trying, and God... is he a person who wants to keep trying. 

Don't worry about getting that bad ending.

A lot of us got that bad ending, even those of us who know this character backward, forwards, and sideways.

This particular route was set up in a way to challenge us in a way none of us considered, and that's what made it interesting. My problem was giving V the benefit of the doubt. You are normally supposed to do that, but in this situation, you need to dump him immediately.

He will get to where he needs to be in the end, but you should only trust him once and that is on the last day. 

God, yeah. Rika's goals won't make any sense to anyone unless they've played through everything the game has to offer before they've decided to open the RAE. Even then, a lot of people don't understand what's going on in her head because there are so many moving pieces to figure out along the way. 

The RFA was her dream of gaining a family, but she thought she had to pretend to be an angel of light and hope to have a family. She truly believed that she had to suppress her demons and fears to be able to experience love and family. It becomes too much for her to handle, and then everything crumbles around her to prove that she might just be the devil her abusers always told her she was.

All she ever really wanted was a family and an identity that didn't feel like it was cursed with sin. She went about it in the wrong way, deciding that if she couldn't do it by pretending to be an angel, she would force everybody to be with her regardless in a paradise of her own making where nobody could ever leave her behind or think of her in a bad light. I can only imagine what you experienced going from knowing the least about her to knowing everything. 

[torialefay]

Here it is! Sorry for my struggles with technology 😅

youre all good baby! here you are ❤️

Okay woah, starting off, these are some pretty impressive placements! just looking at them, you def could be someone who gains a lottttt in life. let's dig a lil deeper.

ascendant in virgo:

i place virgo on the service axis with pisces, which is cool because your moon rests in pisces. it shows me you have an internal longing to help others (moon) and you are usual able to carry this out via a practical approach (ascendant). because of this, you may come across as someone who talks the talk and walks the walk. virgo ascendants usually come across as very sure of themselves and very competent. think managerial roles. HOWEVER, you COULD sometimes come across as bossy. not necessarily that that's how you mean to be, but because you think you know the best way to go about doing things and you want others to be able to see it from that perspective as well. you could also come across as very technical- if you want to know about something, you REALLY dive into it so you're able to deeply think about it and apply what you've learned.

this is pretty good sign for chan. he would most likely be interested in the knowledge you had to offer. whatever you're into, he would likely learn a lot and appreciate your thinking patterns.

sun in leo in 11th:

i saw this a lot, but i feel like leos get a bad rep. leos tend to be the star of the show (either in person or in their head lol), but not from a place of vanity. leos tend to find themselves as important people, but it's because of their INDIVIDUALITY that they see themselves as having a lot to offer to the world. leos tend to be very individualistic and like to encourage others to shine as well. it's likely that you're a hype-girl type of friend, and others love being around you because of this. you're able to see the good, quirky things in others even if they can't see it themselves. you are most likely pretty quirky yourself <3

i think this placement is actually really good for chan the more i think about it. chan struggles a lot with his individuality, trying to balance it with what he thinks others want from him. leos are less likely to care about what others think. you could help him embrace his uniqueness and let him shine against what the rest of the world may think.

moon in pisces in 7th:

ooooh so you're a deep girlie ❤️ i think this lends itself quite well to the leo's view in individuality, but pisces already experiences it on a deeper, more emotional level. you probably find a lot of beauty in others' differences. you also likely value people who have a whimsical or alt. style/nature about them. you probably highly value creative outlets and are interested in alternative means of "higher powers" to guide you. you're probably very respectful of nature and feel ties to the world as unique individuals. it's also very likely that you feel deeeeeply, not only for yourself, but for others around you.

moon in pisces is a great match for his moon and sun in libra. both very passive signs, i think it would bring an underlying gentle and understanding nature to the relationship.

mercury in cancer in 11th:

this placements tells me that you are great are relating to others and could easily use this to your advantage both in your creative circles or through work. you're able to see into the deepest parts of people and connect with them on that level. think of a like therapeutic approach to talking with others. that's what i'm getting here.

this, i believe could be one weak point with chan. you and chan are both cardinal signs in mercury... and both signs tend to avoid initiating conversations that could hurt the other person. you feel deeply, so you want to make sure to not impose those negative emotions onto another. if you and chan dont talk about things as they come up (ie be HONEST and not sugar coat things to each other) there could be problems

venus in virgo in the 1st house:

this tells me that love and beauty is a part of your everyday life and is also the way you initially present yourself. it's likely that you initially have some sort of sensuality about you upon first meeting, BUT through the virgo placement, i dont think it's anything that would be overbearing. you probably have some sort of implicit style or mannerisms that you know are attractive and express OR some unique aspect of yourself that you use to your advantage when meeting people, which people view as you being intelligent and alluring.

chan would loveeee this. i do think in the bedroom that virgo could balance out chan's wild tendencies too. virgo can get down with his shenanigans (esp w your pisces moon), but not let him take it tooooo far. i mean come on, we've gotta be practical now.

mars in gemini in the 10th:

you probably are the type of person to go after what you want. i've already spoken before about how you see people as individuals, and it's likely that you are genuinely curious in others as well. you can def use this to your advantage throyghout your career and through making friendships.

honestly, i think this is a great placement for chan. both of you will value your freedom and not try to control the other (too much lol). together, i think you guys could tackle some big things!

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say, I'm in awe at the level of detail you're including in your fics! I can't think of another author who seems to know their source material so well. Do you have any tips on researching/plotting fanfiction with lots of detail?

First off, thank you very much!

The first thing that popped into my head when I got this ask was the very flip answer of, "It's autism," and then I happened to mention to my husband that I had been asked for tips on writing with great detail and he instantly replied, "you mean, be autistic?"

As I said, that answer is very flip, but I do want to preface all of this by saying this is simply how I am. Everyone's autism is different, but this is how mine is, and I feel a little disingenuous giving tips when in fact, this is just how my brain freestyles. I think that at some level, you gotta write the way your brain tells you to. If reading these tips makes you feel deeply tired and discouraged, that's okay! Intricate, finely crafted writing is just one way to do it. If it doesn't work for you, find another style that does!

Anyway, even though all of this comes pretty naturally to me, I think there are definitely ways to build those detail-oriented creative muscles, which I will describe in nauseating detail below the cut.

Zooming in and zooming out To start! There are two ways to interpret the phrase "fanfic with lots of detail": 1) Stories that include a lot fine detail, which includes stuff like rich descriptions, settings you can feel, and interesting worldbuilding 2) Stories that are well-constructed, incorporating themes and symbolism, consistent characterization, subplots, and fitting well into canon or a larger series. I care a lot about both these topics, and the more I think about it, the more I think that you have to do both in concert.

This is an insane metaphor and if it means nothing to you, just ignore it, but I write like I program. (For the record, I am a basic bitch who loves object-orient programming) Your individual functions (the scenes of your stories) need to be well focused, do what they are supposed to do without scope-creep, and have well-defined dependencies on other functions. On the other hand, the higher-level parts of code (your overall plot) need to make good use of these scenes, to call the right things at the right time.

Put another way, the building block of your story is a scene. The scenes are the part your reader remembers. They should be interesting on their own, and but they also need to fit into the larger context of your story. You should know what each scene is intended to do, both in terms of advancing the plot (or for example, being a breather scene for pacing, but it should be doing *something*), and what it's doing emotionally-- is it funny? is it sad? is it foreshadowing a conflict? is it giving character information?

Then, on the other hand, you need to know how your scenes are fitting together, and that your various character and plot arcs are getting their beginning, middle and ends, and that you're devoting the time and space of your story to the things you care about.

Stay organized How do you do that, though? So, for me, writing individual scenes is an exercise in improvisation. I usually know the basis of the scene and, depending on how far along I am in the fanfic, I may or may not have a few things that "need to get done" in the scene. For all my fanfics above 5-10k words, I keep an ancillary outline/notes document. Some people like to outline before they start, and if that's you, that's great! If you hate outlining (that's me!), I still recommend outlining what you have already written. This will allow you to get a bird's eye view of your story. If you are dividing your fic into chapters, I strongly recommend having a chapter-based outline (you can have other outlines, too, you can have as many outlines as you want). Have a brief description, probably a phrase, about every scene of your story, on its own bullet. I also record the word count. This allows you to see how much "stuff" is in each chapter. You can also use color formatting or anything else you like to keep track of stuff like subplots or perspective changes, to make sure things are spaced properly throughout the overall fic. You can also do little "breakout" outlines, for individual plot threads, for example, if you find that easier to look at. If you do this as you go, you can also see where you might have too much heavy stuff in one part of the fic, and you might move something, or inject a lighter scene.

Basically, when I first come up with a fic, I have a few key scenes in mind. I made a real rough outline, then go write. Then I come back and fill in what I did on the outline. Looking at the outline helps me realize some more scenes that I need, and I go do those. Going back and forth helps flesh out the story.

Make any other kind of lists or diagrams that help you to visualize or think about your story as a whole. I will very frequently make a timeline for a fic. I've had some stories that take place over weeks or months, and this helps me figure out how long it's been since two characters last saw each other, or what day of the week things should be happening on, or what the weather should be like, or if there are any holidays that might pop up (I love incorporating holidays in my writing). If I have a story that takes place over a few days or a week, I'll make a list of what happens every day. You can't put too much stuff in a single day, and it also helps me fill out scenes because I can say "oh, they can talk about this over dinner" or "this character might think about everything that happened while they are trying to fall asleep."

You can also use any sort of organization aids you need for sub-parts of your fic, too! I have made family trees. I have a big spreadsheet of minor characters I use in my usual settings, including which stories they appear in, and any important facts I've dropped about them, or what the kanji of their name means (because I always spend a bunch of time making up names and then immediately forgetting what they mean).

Basically, you should make a chart/diagram/visual aid any time:

a) you're having trouble keeping track of something in your head, or b) because you want to.

Always lean into the urge to make an organizational aid. It is time you are thinking about your story in a new way, which can lead to inspiration, or just to a better understanding of this thing you are building.

Know your source material Revisit the canon material early and often. You gotta. I don't care if you don't like canon or you aren't planning to stick to canon. You should know canon. In fact, especially if you plan to diverge from canon, for whatever reason, read the part with care and think deeply about what it means to replace one character with another. If you don't like a part, think about why. It's possible it's "because the writer rushed it" or "the writer thinks differently than me about xyz topic", but take the time to consider the possibility that you have missed something. The most insight I have ever gotten about my characters comes from reading the parts where I don't understand why they do what they do over and over again and trying to make meaning out of it.

For Bleach in particular, whenever I am writing a story that takes place within a distinctive part of canon (which is to say, not a timeskip), I take the time upfront to re-read the relevant parts of the manga and usually to watch the anime episodes as well. I know a lot of people hate the anime and refuse to watch it, but for me, it's a brain exercise in perceiving the same story a different way. The anime has voice acting, it has movement, it has a soundtrack. Sometimes they'll add something that drives me nuts and it's helpful to think about why. Take, for example, episode 46, which is Renji/Momo/Izuru/Shuuhei's Academy Days Trauma Field Trip. In the manga, the purpose of the field trip is to practice konsou and there is one casualty. In the anime, they go to fight dummy Hollows, and a bunch of students get slaughtered. I like the manga better precisely because it's smaller scale. There is no expectation of combat. Seeing one classmate gruesomely murdered in front of you is more than enough to traumatize me, thanks! The anime slow-panning over a bunch of blood-soaked corpses is overkill. It cheapens and depersonalizes the scene. You're welcome to disagree with me on this, because that's not the point: the point is me closing in on what I want to focus on in my take on this scene.

Taking many, small visits to canon is generally more fruitful to me than re-reading/watching entire arcs. On the other hand, that is nice to do with less of a concrete goal in mind. A rewatch of a random part often spurs my creativity, or I'll notice some new thing that I hadn't noticed before or forgotten about.

Nurturing your relationship with canon really builds on itself. The more you have thought about, the more you can keep in your head, the more appreciation and understanding you will bring every time you revisit it. Now, for some people, reading and re-reading the same work of media may sound like an enormous drag and as I said before, if that's the case for you, don't torture yourself. This process of gaining a really deep understanding of a piece of literature is incredibly rewarding for me and the fact that it informs my fanfic is more of a side benefit. I would just do this for fun.

Going on deep dives So, one exercise you can do to help become more detail oriented is to go on little scavenger hunts in canon. I highly recommend doing this in Tumblr-post format, because it gives you some structure, and also, you can share it with your friends. I am telling you, people love this stuff.

Basically, pick some detail of canon that you're interested in, or ask yourself a question about a character or setting or object, and then try to find the answer. I have the full Bleach manga digitally on my iPad, which makes it very easy to take screenshots as I go. Here are some examples of ones I have done:

Lieutenants' Badges: What are they made of? Zanpakutou Open-Carry Laws Where did Rukia's TYBW scarf come from?

You can also do these as a mixture of canon and historical research, like the time I decided to design a winter Shin'ou uniform.

An extra cool thing about making these is that the other very cool people on Tumblr who care deeply about these things will reblog them, often with their own cool thoughts and ideas attached. Some of those people may end up becoming the eventual audience for your fanfic, OR you might see your idea showing up in *their* fanfic, and that's superfun, or at least it is, to me.

A little goes a long way You don't need to be super detailed about everything, because that would actually be incredibly tedious to read. What you want to do is to be detail oriented on a few things. And to that end, focus on the stuff you care about or the stuff you happen to know a lot about. I like to think about how cities work and how people live their daily lives and interact with each other, so I write about that a lot. Other people are very interested in geography and like to draw maps and design ecosystems and weather. This isn't really my jam and I don't mention it, and I doubt anyone has noticed. I go into a lot of detail on clothing and food, but not so much on music, because I like to listen to music but I don't know very much about it and don't really care to learn. Sometimes for plot purposes, you'll have to do some research on something you don't care that much about, and you don't need to go overboard, just put in what you need for the story's sake. On other hand, if you love monster biology, go ham on describing Hollows. I tell you, your joy will be infectious, and your reader will come away saying "that writer sure knows a lot about claws" and they will NOT notice if perhaps you skimped a bit on describing the Los Noches HVAC system.

Microdose on learning Speaking of friends, if you have social media that you check every day, find people to follow who post the sort of historic/cultural/science stuff you'd like to learn about, or who do interesting analysis of your favorite media. Find a dinosaur-a-day Twitter account. Watch YouTube videos about Victorian fashion. Instead of doing deep research on a particular topic, just add small doses of stuff you're interested in into your daily feeds. You'll learn stuff you didn't know you didn't know and it will give you a more well-rounded, organic understanding of certain topics. If you ever get particularly interested in a particular post, use it as a jumping off point to doing some of your own research.

Diversify your hobbies I write, but I also draw, which exercises a different part of my brain, and also requires me to pay attention to different things than writing does. I will give a very concrete example. When I was making banners for my story a little in love now and then, I didn't want to do just solid color kimono. I looked up some traditional kimono patterns, and it turns out that there's a lot of seasonality and symbolism to them, which I got really into. You can probably pinpoint exactly the time that happened in my fanfic, because afterward, I got really into describing what patterns people are wearing all the time. I also got into kanzashi (hair pins), because, again, when you're drawing headshots, you want to add a hair ornament, and once you know about it, you want to write it. Doing different hobbies that engage different senses forces you to think about things in different ways, which will show up in your writing.

Also, read/watch/listen to a diversity of stuff, and pay attention to what makes things feel a certain way. When something appeals to you, try to figure out exactly what it is that you like about it. What details stick out to you? I'm watching a period fantasy kdrama right now where one family has extremely characteristic eye make-up. I'm reading a novel that takes place during the Napoleonic wars that devotes a tremendous amount of energy to logistics and supply. I pay attention to the judges on Bake-Off because it helps give me better understanding of why flavors make you feel a certain way.

For that matter, if you're reading up on something that really catches your interest...try it? I started writing about pickles and then I went to the international grocery store and bought, like, twelve kinds of Asian pickles, and ate them? I took (1) trail aikido class once, and it turned out it was very Not For Me, but the experience gave me a lot to chew on. If you're writing some sort of Lord of the Rings journey through the wilderness thing, go for a hike, even a small one, and think about what you think and feel and notice?

Check when you're not sure... I don't know if it's because I have anxiety or if it's because I spent 15 years working in engineering and software where people will challenge you on anything and everything, but I double check things compulsively because I want to be sure. If I'm not 100% sure what a word means, I look it up before I use it. I'm usually right, but sometimes I'm not and I not-infrequently learn new stuff this way. I am constantly googling whether people habitually drink milk in Japan or how much a katana weighs.

This may seem like a pain, but it's honestly a good habit to get into. It sucks a little to find out you're wrong, but finding out on your own is such a low stakes, non-threatening way to find out you misunderstood something, as opposed to loudly showing off your ignorance in the middle of a party, say. Go back and re-read the chapter and make sure the character said what you thought they did. It's worth it.

...but don't sweat it too much I was very hesitant to get into writing anime fanfic because I am American and I don't speak Japanese or know much about Japanese culture. I jumped into it anyway, and I try to learn as much as I can and do my best to be respectful if nothing else, and overall, it's been a really rewarding experience. Part of what makes this process a little easier is that most of my writing takes place in Soul Society, a place that is similar to various historic eras of Japanese history, but also it's not. Sometimes, I'll find a bunch of interesting stuff about Edo-era lamps that slots right into what I'm writing, and other times, you just have to be like, fuck it, there's a treadmill in the Squad 10 gym, for some reason. Also, seriously, it's just fanfic, and you are not under obligation to be 100% accurate to history or to canon. One of the light novels, for some reason, goes to the length to tell us that there is no curry in Soul Society and I refuse to give up curry, even though it does cause me a small amount of psychic damage every time I write about it, knowing I am Technically Wrong.

Don't make your reader do as much work as you did Another caveat is that, in doing research, you are going to learn A Lot about a topic, but you need to avoid showing off. The point of learning stuff is to make your world feel real and accurate and lived in. Throwing around a bunch of new vocabulary words you just learned is going to do the opposite of that. Extra detail should go towards making the reader understand the story more, or to sharing cool facts that you learned. It should not be about upping the difficulty rating of reading your story.

Keep it in character One aspect of character-writing is how they interact with the world and what they notice and the way they speak. The characters I write more commonly are very detail-oriented. Byakuya, like me, is autistic, and will give far too much detail on any given topic, whether his listener wants it or not. Rukia and Renji are former street urchin/grifters and career soldiers, so they are ultra-observant by necessity. They don't always verbalize these things, although they do with each other, because they tend to think about things the same way and they used to run grifts together and it's a bonding thing they do. Akon, Kira, Momo, Hisagi: nerds who be nerding. Maybe this is a personal interpretation, but I think Ichigo has a bit of a poetic soul, and I often have him notice symbolism in things, or to see through to the heart of a person. Yumichika is obsessed with aesthetics and thinks about people's looks and presentation contantly. Ikkaku, on the other hand THINKS ABOUT NOTHING, except sometimes fighting. His head is almost completely empty at all times. If he notices a thing, it was probably by accident. You gotta dial your detail levels up and down, and focus in on different things depending on which character you're writing. Also, think about the voice of your narration, and try to avoid going into a scholarly or formal voice, unless your writing really calls for it.

That was so much. If anyone made it all the way down to the bottom of this, I hope it helped!

[phoenixyfriend]

OKAY so on the topic of Star Wars takes wrt “character ends up in an A/B/O universe where they’re an omega, but they were previously a cis male in their canon”

@atagotiak and I had some Thoughts on discord

So, obviously, Anakin would make a good omega and he’s also incredibly murdery. Foregone conclusion that we're using him for this.

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse. He shows up JUST as the war is starting. Canon timeline is in the third year of the war (he’s 22), but whatever dumped him into omegaverse also tossed him back a few years. No de-aging, just a bit of mismatched timeline stuff.

He's... really good at war, and clearly a Jedi, so the Temple just kind of goes "WELL OKAY THEN, SURE, YOU'RE IN, EVERYONE PRETEND HE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME." The Jedi, by and large, don't care about omegaverse dynamics beyond 'what do you need, medically, to be happy and healthy' and 'what do you need to be aware of so you can be prepared for biases you encounter in the field?’

None of the civilian natborns (mainly politicians) want to put him on the field because of those biases. Anakin, being Anakin, is VERY blatantly an omega in scent, has never been on suppressants (because it wasn't a thing he fucking NEEDED), is incredibly emotional as a person, loves kids, etc.

Like, nobody wants an omega fighting a war anyway, but THIS one is like PINNACLE omega, and those awful Jedi are making him FIGHT just because he's good at stab!

The Jedi: Actually, it's because he's got several years of war experience that we don't, and he's a good tactician that works well with the clones-- Coruscant: You MONSTERS The Jedi: Look, we gave him the option to not stab and he looked absolutely devastated. Anakin, several days earlier: You don’t want me? I’m not good enough??? Jedi: Also he can beat up at least half the temple.

He doesn't know a damn thing about dynamics, but he DOES know that sometimes he's so horny he wants to stab HARDER. The clones are largely disinterested in their generals' dynamics because between mostly-Mando* trainers and no-dynamic Kaminoans, they only really care if a person can shoot.

* Mandalore approves of Fighty Omegas. As far as (traditional) Mandalore is concerned, you want an omega that will kill the threats to your children as well as you do.

Anakin: You know more about being an omega than I do. Rex: ...I'm an alpha. Anakin: Yeah. Let that one sink in a bit.

We have two options for Obi-Wan!

Omegaverse local Obi-Wan (beta) has never met this man before, and is very unnerved that the immediate default reaction Anakin has to his presence is releasing Family pheromones as if Obi-Wan is his DAD and like. This strange, too-tall man from another dimension has got absolutely NO control over what he projects in the Force OR in his dynamic.

Obi-Wan was ALSO transplanted from canon to omegaverse, and is also an omega, for contrast reasons. He is nice and friendly and and likes poetry and that sort of thing... but also he has the highest dismemberment count in the movies. Also he doesn’t prioritize romance.

We went with the second one because it's hilarious.

Someone watching them spar: Wow, omegas from that universe are terrifying.

As previously mentioned, now with some tweaking to account for both: Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don't exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood. (It's mostly not theirs.)

Nobody realizes either one is an omega until they "naturalize" to this dimension and Anakin goes into heat... and doesn't realize it, actually, because his primary symptom is heightened protectiveness and aggression. Everyone else with the right nose realizes, because the man has no control over his pheromone production, but Anakin? No. He just stabs. He’s angry and horny and he will cut someone.

Ahsoka has no reaction to human pheromones but basically everyone smells Anakin's "my child!" reaction to her, so... Cool. Have a padawan, we guess.

Anakin ends up sparring a lot with Aayla and Ahsoka, because only humans and near humans have dynamics, so these two don't REACT to the pheromones situation.

(Palpatine is a Kindly Old Beta who tries to treat Anakin the way he EXPECTS Anakin wants to be treated, which is. Not. Accurate.)

(Anakin hates it.)

I'm just so in love with "An omega can't fight." "You wanna fuckin' bet?"

There are plenty of omega Jedi, by the way, it's just... most of them can keep it relatively low-key instead of Anakin's jet-engine broadcast. Some, if they're known to be omega, probably take advantage of being underestimated, like Obi-Wan probably (and especially a version of Obi-Wan that was always an omega, unlike this version). They have a very different way of presenting themselves than Anakin, who's not subtle about being an omega and also not subtle about being all aggressive and stabby.

At one point, Anakin has to protect some Very Traditional Individuals who get all "Stay back, Omega, it's not safe!" and he's just... so tired of this shit. “You are squishy civilians and I'm a trained Jedi Knight and accomplished GAR General who's killed more people in one sitting than there are in this entire palace. Sit the fuck down and let me do my job.”

It starts making the rounds that Anakin insisted on fighting in person, and the rumors shift from "how dare the Jedi force an omega to fight" and over into things that are deeply hurtful in-universe in the vein of "broken omega" and some people try to say it to his face but like...

He didn't grow up here.

He doesn't care.

Say that to one of his friends and he's going to rip out your spleen, probably, but say it to him and he's just staring at you flatly and asking if that's a negative on getting away from the encroaching battle droids, sir?

"You're rather unpleasant for an omega, aren't you?" [deeply offensive] "I literally could not give less of a fuck about your opinion. Move."

It's not that there aren't omegas that act like Anakin, either, it's just that most of them aren't, you know, Jedi who regularly interact with the upper crust, or capable of his level of destruction. Unbeknownst to Anakin, everyone clocks him as Outer Rim based on his behavior, well before his accent gives him away, and certainly before he mentions he's from Tatooine, because Core Omegas Don't Act Like That.

Someone they meet in a more diplomatic setting says something decently passive-aggressive about how at least Obi-Wan acts more like how an Omega should. Then a battle breaks out for some reason, and... well. Anakin and Obi-Wan cause such a scandal by keeping score of kills in a battle, don’t you know?

Turns out sending Anakin to fight Ventress is great because she keeps expecting him to react a certain way but NO he's here to STAB.

I like the idea that Obi-Wan's favorite opponent these days is Grievous because the cyborg doesn't have a nose, and thus gives zero fucks about dynamics or heats. Dooku is a rich old man who has opinions heavily influenced by Sith Juice Making Him More of a Dick, and the Dathomiri can smell dynamics even if they don't have them, and so they have biases about those things. Meanwhile, Grievous is just there to Kill, and Obi-Wan genuinely appreciates the lack of commentary on his dynamic.

Dooku’s probably an alpha, or a beta who's used the whole "we are more level-headed" thing as one of several angles to keep himself the public face and supreme commander of the CIS.

On to more fluffy things that have less to do with political biases.

There's a lot of "I'm upset that my loved ones don't know me," but also please understand the appeal of Obi-Wan marching up to Quinlan like "Yes, hello, I understand you've been read in on the full situation behind myself and my former padawan. I was close friends with your alternate universe self, which I feel is necessary disclosure before I propose the following: Would you like to join me for my upcoming heat, as I have minimal experience with the dynamics situation and even fewer people I actually trust, and I believe I can put my faith in you to treat it as casually as necessary while still having control and respect for my person."

(The Team is in a fairly safe place to process stuff, but having sudden unexpected changes to your biology has gotta be a little traumatizing, on top of ending up in a universe where none of your friends know you and people have a whole host of unfamiliar forms of sexism to point at you.)

Obi-Wan, who wasn't quite touch-averse but was much more easily overwhelmed by physical contact than Anakin (who craved it), suddenly finds his body switching gears and insisting on cuddles with Trusted Loved Ones, which is.... mostly Anakin, on account of nobody else really knowing him yet. Also Ahsoka, who is aware that she's something of a replacement for her alt-universe self, but Anakin explained it as "I love you so much no matter which dimension I'm in or what you're like, and I'd like to get to know you the way I got know her."

(It's rather eloquent for Anakin. He got Obi-Wan to help him draft up the script for when he pitched taking on omegaverse Ahsoka as a padawan.)

Anakin gets a more intensely sexual heat than 'usual' at one point for Reasons (IDK it could be as innocuous as 'we got better food than the usual rations and my body is reacting to the higher fat content with the belief that it's safer to have a baby now'), which nobody takes a whole lot of notice of because they're in a WAR, and also this is only his fourth one so it's not like he's got a lot to compare it to... except then the predominantly alpha clones can't stop themselves from reacting to the pheromones, mostly by wandering past his door and asking if he needs anything, offering up alpha-scented blankets and stuff for the nest to soothe the hormones, bringing snacks and electrolyte drinks, and like, Anakin is flattered, really, but fuck off please.

(He got a warning from medical a few hours before it hit that it would be different, so he actually does have alpha-scented fabrics to help him out. Apparently that's a thing you can just ask friends for, so he asked Rex if he had anything on hand that he could spare. He now has one of Rex’s recently-used sheets and a bodyglove in the nest.)

(Anakin has no idea how to feel about the nesting instinct, but at least it’s warm.)

Tia asked "Oh hey, who has the scared and horny reaction to his carnage?" and like.

Listen. I'm not saying I've been low-key imagining this as Rex being a very subby alpha who's really into Anakin's whole Thing but...

At one point Anakin gets injured in a way that requires painkillers and he ends up whining to the point of almost crying about the fact that nobody is cuddling him right now in medbay and Kix just gives up and comms Ahsoka to come hug her weird older brother.

And Then There Is Purring.

That’s a Thing Now.

Rex ends up in the pile somehow. He came over to check on Things and ended up yanked in by half-asleep, half-high Anakin, who has a grip like an octopus and no impulse control and is purring like a pod motor while NUZZLING HIM.

There’s a lot of blackmail photos featuring Rex’s very intense blush as he’s cuddled by his commander (giggling at him) and general (clinging like a tooka and rubbing himself all over).

Anakin is deeply offended that ANYONE thinks he'd want to get pregnant by just any old person, NO he needs to fall in LOVE there needs to be EMOTIONAL DRAMA and if Padme won't have him (apparently she's in a relationship and no he's not BITTER) then he'll find someone else to have a whirlwind romance with!

People think Anakin's a slut because he can't control his pheromone production (he has NO practice and for health reasons he can't go on suppressants) so he always smells open and ready for flirtations, which Obi-Wan also has to a somewhat lesser degree (he's older so his body just naturally produces less), and then someone tries to cross a boundary and grabs his ass and ANYWAY Anakin has to now fill out an incident report for breaking a civilian's arm.

Again.

[babyflash]

LOVE Wally and Linda. Hit me with what you feel their vibes are as individuals, and then as a couple bc they've got big "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" energy.

omg hey :) YES OK i wrote something earlier today you might be interested in, i'll link it here

uhhhh gonna preemptively put this below a cut just in case!!! it'll probably get long LOL

okay let's start with wally. at his core, he's a very compassionate individual. i think he cares really openly and so deeply, and i think that has to do with the found family element of the flash fam, as well as values instilled in him by barry once he started hero work. he's also intensely curious, kind of to a fault? he can be rash and make impulsive decisions and he tries to be good, because at the end of the day he wants so bad to make his family proud. he wants iris to be proud of the kid she helped raise and wants barry to be proud of the hero he's becoming, but he's full of curiosity and energy and a need to prove himself. he's got a chip on his shoulder the size of a mountain, and he's stubborn and headstrong. i think as he grows, a lot of these traits sort of fall to the back burner. he still has his moments of impulsivity and bull-headedness, but part of it is when he got his powers. he got them so young, younger than barry was, and so they struggle to find their footing a bit when wally first gets his speed because he's like, suddenly got all this power and energy and he's a little scared and kind of angry and he's feeling so much and has no way to express that. i think wally and iris are a lot alike, moreso than wally and barry are, and that's one of my least favorite parts of the flash fanon. i think wally looks up to iris so much, he wants to be as confident and sure of himself as she is, she's this constant and caring figure in his life, his one indicator of stability, and she's his best friend, you know? that's his rock, and she's really the only person he's got for the longest time. when you're in the situation wally is (going off of the canon that his parents are not the best) everything is just like, more. like everything you feel and everything that happens to you is just so much more, and wally's sort of like this huge lightning storm and he doesn't know what to do with that. and linda meets him as he's beginning to level out, but he's still in a rocky place, and he's just. fully embraced his weirdness at this point. he's weird, that's his thing. he fidgets and people talk about him and he's too young for his grade and he knows exactly what he wants from life and kids like that are dangerous. people warn linda to stay away from the science freak until they realize she's just like him.

now moving onto miss park. you know the song "my grand plan" from the lightning thief musical? yeah her. she is annabeth chase (to an extent). linda was called silly and dumb her whole life, people told her she reached too far and had her head in the clouds. a total space cadet with delusions of grandeur. instead of tearing her down, it lit a fire in her stomach. this intense and deliberate rage she felt simmering in her chest everytime someone told her her dream was stupid. she's this empathetic person, i think. she's full of this righteous anger but it never expresses itself in violent ways. there's this quote (i can't remember where it's from) but it basically says that the biggest and most powerful act of rebellion a girl can do is to take care of herself. and so that's what linda does. she pushes herself to be better everyday, and she wears cute clothes and does her makeup and curls her hair and paints her nails because she wants to. people call her vain, they call her mean, they call her a bitch or bossy, but she isn't. she becomes this sort of spokesperson for the voiceless. she participates in protests on campus and writes scathing editorials about administration and social hierarchies in the school's newspaper and she fights for what she believes in because she cares, because she loves the world and the people in it, she wants to spread the truth and create change. she wants to spark discussion and debate and foster conversation because that's the kind of person she is! she stands up, consistently, for herself and what she believes in. she speaks her mind, she doesn't care if people call her loud or bossy because at least they're paying attention. and wally reads her work and he listens to her and he realizes that she's the kind of person he wants to be around.

because, what i think they both want more than anything is to be understood. they want people to listen to what they have to say and to care about it. linda rants about the ethics of journalism for hours, discusses philosophy and movies and current events and everything else under the sun and what wally does is different than anyone else, he listens. not only does he listen, but he asks questions and cares about the answer. because wally cares about linda, so he cares about what she has to say and what she's passionate about. wally explains physics theories in such a way that it makes sense to linda, and she never feels dumb asking him a question because (above a lot of other things in his life) he loves learning and he'll respond with such care and earnestness. at the end of the day, it's two compassionate and curious people who come together because they have this pull, this understanding of each other that they've never experienced before. they're a little snarky and a little intimidating and a lot stubborn and a hell of a lot compassionate and that's why they're so good at what they do.

[the--sad--hatter]

Steam - Chapter 1 (Loki x Reader)

Warnings - Loki, Smut, Violence & Gore, Swearing, Death, Angst, Dark Humour, Crack Humour, Shenanigan’s, Mutual Pining

Pairing - Loki X Reader (Slow Burn Romance), Enemies to Frenemies to Idiots in Love

Reader Description - Female, No physical descriptions, Only referred to by nicknames & Petnames (No use of Y/N)

Description/Blurb -

“So how’d you get the firepower? What’s your origin story?” Stark asked, peering at you curiously.

“Uh, this is my origin story…” You winced, sighing when he motioned for you to elaborate, “I got these powers about three days ago.”

It’s a tale as old as time, boy meets girl, boy tries to invade girls mind, girl sets boy on fire, boy turns into angry blue boy, they become sworn enemies.

When you suddenly become imbued with a power you have no idea how to control, Nick Fury picks you up and dumps you on The Avengers doorstep, deciding that they are best people to turn you from a wacky novice into a force to be reckoned with.

The power burning inside you has the potential to make you a hero, or destroy you completely, but your new fire based abilities are more than they appear, and in a stroke of spectacularly bad luck, The God of Mischief is the most qualified teacher to mentor you. With Loki guiding you, will you ever learn to control your power? Will you ever make it as an Avenger? Or will you crash and burn?

Only one thing is absolutely certain, when fire and ice collide, things are bound to get… steamy!

Chapter One - Ice Breaker

It was every bit as imposing as you’d imagined it would be, not that you’d ever imagined seeing it under these circumstances.

 “Are you coming?” Fury barked at you, breaking you out of your slack-jawed awe.

 You snapped your mouth closed and tore your eyes away from the legendary tower, looking at the doors where Fury was impatiently waiting for you.

 “Coming!” You squeaked, scurrying over to him, “It’s just when you said you were taking me somewhere where I could safely learn to control my powers, I was sort of picturing an underground bunker in the desert, not the freaking Avengers Tower!”

 “I utilise the assets I have, why would I send you away when I have a team of perfectly capable super-powered individuals?” He asked wryly, leading you across the lobby and straight past the security teams who did nothing to stop you both as you made your way into an elevator.

 “I’m just saying, a heads up would have been nice.” You muttered petulantly, crossing your arms over your chest and tucking your hands out of sight.

 You felt him look at you and studiously refused to meet his eye, staring instead at the numbers above the door as you were carried all the way to the top of the Tower.

 “Heads up, you’re meeting The Avengers.” He shot back.

You could say what you liked about the former director of Shield, he was true to his word, because the elevator doors wooshed open to reveal a waiting crowd of Avengers, all of them staring at the man next to you with varying levels of annoyance and/or distrust. You diligently pattered after Fury as he stepped forward to greet them, looking around the room reverently.

 The first person you laid eyes on was Tony Stark, Iron Man; the billionaire who had kicked off the modern age of hero’s, and next to him, Captain America, the first of the first, the OG Superhero. Stood behind the Captain was Sam Wilson, the Falcon and a personal favourite of yours, side by side with Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier and poster-child for taking back control of your own fate. Clint Barton aka Hawkeye and the deadliest marksman in the world stood to the side with the Black Widow, deadliest person in the world full stop. In the back of the room two other figures were hanging back, emitting two very different aura’s. Doctor Bruce Banner eyed Fury with trepadition, and well-placed mistrust.

 It was the last person in the room that the majority of your attention was reserved for, the tall, imposing god who skulked in the shadows. Contempt and boredom radiated from him, and you couldn’t safely say it was directed purely at Fury. He was also the only one who spared you more than a cursory glance, and you slowed to a stop as you found yourself trapped in his curious gaze. You stared back, trying to reconcile the villain who once tried to subjugate the planet with the one you were locking eyes with. It had been months since he had joined the Avengers, but it never stopped being strange to see him standing with them whenever you watched footage of them taking on whatever bad guy of the week they were battling. However, he had been fully cleared of any wrongdoing in the battle of New York, apparently he had been mind-controlled. As to why he was helping the Avengers, nobody really knew.  

 Someone cleared their throat loudly and you forced yourself to look away from the stupendously tall god, glancing around the room to see that you now had all eyes watching you expectantly. Apparently you’d zoned out for the introductions.

 “’Sup?” You offered, waving in Tony Starks general direction.

 “So you’re Fury’s fiery friend, what has that got to do with us?” Stark sighed.

 “What, you think he bothered to explain his reasoning to me before dragging my ass up here?” You scoffed.

 “She’s here because she has abilities, abilities that she is more likely to learn to handle among similarly gifted people.” Fury explained in a tone that brokered no argument.

 Naturally, The Avengers argued.

 “We don’t have anybody with fire abilities.” You heard Natasha Romanoff point out, just before you took the opportunity to zone out again.

 You were absolutely certain that nobody cared very much what your opinion on the matter was, thankfully. You weren’t sure you had an opinion on the matter. It wasn’t like you had a lot of experience with these kinds of issues, and as far as you were away there wasn’t some superhero academy that you could enrol yourself in. Besides, you were much more interested in re-instating your staring competition with the god of Mischief.

 In the brief time you’d been distracted, he’d stepped away from the shadows and moved closer to you, staring at you with his arms crossed.

 You resisted the urge to inhale deeply, who knew ex-murderous gods would smell so nice? You looked up, and then up again.

 “How tall are you?” You asked incredulously.

 His gaze flickered down at you impassively, while you stared back and tried to mentally calculate his height.

 “I’m a Frost Giant.��� He stated coldly.

 “Oh in that case, you’re kinda short.” You scoffed.

 You were flooded with immediate remorse but it was drowned out by amusement.

 “I beg your pardon?” He demanded, uncrossing his arms and stepping into your personal space.

 “Down boy.” Iron Man sniggered, stepping between you. “So how’d you get the firepower? What’s your origin story?” Stark asked, peering at you curiously.

 “Uh, this is my origin story…” You winced, sighing when he motioned for you to elaborate, “I got these powers about three days ago.”

 “So you’re a baby.” He stated matter-of-factly.

 “If I say yes does that mean I can just sit on the floor and cry until someone picks me up and holds me?” You asked, fully willing to give it a go.

 It had been three days since your life had literally gone up in flames, three days of pinning your arms at your sides, afraid to close your eyes, afraid to let your guard down for even a split second, afraid to allow yourself to feel even an iota of emotion.

 “So how did it happen?” The Captain asked firmly, getting the conversation back on track before you could find out if anyone would volunteer a hug.

 “I, well, I kind of…” You trailed off and looked at Fury for help, but he just stared back at you, the bastard.

 All eyes were on you as they waited for you to explain, nobody offering any kind of help. You exhaled forcefully and slumped your shoulders, tucking your chin so you didn’t have to look at them anymore.

 “I ate a bomb.” You whispered.

 There was a very long beat of silence before it was broken by several voices all at once.

 “I’m sorry, what?” Stark demanded.

 “What did it taste like?” The archer wondered, looking at you almost giddily.

 “She didn’t eat a bomb.” Fury finally stepped in to clarify, “She absorbed the blast, after failing to defuse it.”

 “Why was a civilian defusing a bomb in the first place?” Captain Rogers asked sharply, glancing at you in concern before turning back to Fury with a hard expression.

 “I’m not a civilian, I’m actually an Agent.” You reasoned.

 “She’s an Agent-In-Training.” Fury rebutted. “It was her first mission in the field.”

 “Baby.” Stark reiterated, faking a cough and smirking at you when you scowled at him.

 That was true, and you still didn’t think it was entirely your fault that the bomb had gone off. Yes you’d failed to diffuse it, but you were supposed to be watching the perimeter when you’d stumbled across the explosive device. It had less than thirty seconds on the clock, and you’d stupidly chosen to spend those seconds trying to stop it detonating instead of running away.

 “And you put her on bomb duty? Were you trying to get her blown up?” The Black Widow demanded, and you almost laughed until you saw the serious expression on her face.

 “There wasn’t supposed to be a bomb there, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Fury shrugged, like it was inconsequential.

 To him it probably was.

 “She is still in the room, and I was exactly where you told me to be, when you told me to be there. If your intel was bad, that’s on you Mr Superspy.” You snapped.

 “Oh I see it now!” Stark briskly announced, “You’re trying to pawn her off on us because she’s too sassy for you.”

 “Precisely.” Fury admitted, surprisingly.

 “In the words of shortstack over there,” You hissed, gesturing at Loki “I beg your pardon?”

 “You don’t have the temperance to be an Agent.” Fury told you blankly, not bothering to soften the blow by at least telling you this in private instead of in front of the world greatest heroes.

 “I’d take that as a compliment.” Stark assured you.

 “You’re telling me I’m fired? Literally. Because I got blown up, through no fault of my own?” You huffed, clenching your firsts in an effort to keep your emotions from manifesting in a fiery inferno of rage.

 “Because you choose to try and handle a bomb you had no training to handle, instead of pursuing the target.” Fury amended, unphased by your distress.

 You bit back your retort because you knew it wouldn’t matter to him in the slightest. You couldn’t reason with him, couldn’t explain that you had made the choice not to pursue the target who’d planted the bomb, because you had to try and stop it exploding in a building filled with innocent people. Maybe Fury was right after all. Maybe you weren’t suited to being an Agent, because an Agent would have known that they couldn’t stop the bomb but they could stop the bomber. They would have let a hundred innocent people die and stopped the killer from killing a thousand more the next time. You weren’t an Agent because you’d chosen to die trying to save the hundred, and trusted in Fury and Hill to take down the Bomber.

 Of course, that wasn’t what had happened, and in the end nobody had died.

 “None of this explains how you ‘ate’ the bomb.” Clint Barton pointed out, and it was a good observation.

 “That’s because we don’t have an explanation. She went through the standard medical tests in her training, and all her bloodwork and scans indicated she was fully human. She walked into that building as a human being, and walked back out after absorbing a bomb, as who the hell knows what.”

 “So you’ve never done anything like this before?” Dr Banner asked you, speaking directly to you for the first time.

 “Not even remotely. I mean my eyes water when I eat chilli.” You shrugged.

 “Fascinating.” Banner muttered. “Inhuman?” He asked, turning to Stark.

 “Unlikely, she would have probably noticed going through Terragenesis.” Stark responded. “Mutant?” He shot back.

 “No, the mutant gene would have shown up in testing.” Dr Banner sighed, looking you over with a scientifically calculating eye. “Can you explain what happened in more detail?”

 “Sure, bomb went boom, I went AHHHHHH, and then it was all bright and hot and then the boom went away.” You told them.

 “So how do we know that it was you? What if something else contained the blast?” Someone asked, and you looked around before you finally realised it was Sam Wilson who had spoken.

 “No, it was… it definitely me.” You sighed.

 “How do you know?” Bucky Barnes interjected, backing up the Falcons line of questioning.

 That was the million dollar question. How could you be sure that you had anything to do with the bomb, that you had been imbued with fire power?

 “During the post-mission de-brief, there was an incident.” You alluded, side-eying Fury and taking a not-so-subtle step away from him.

 “Please tell me you tried to set him on fire?” Barton asked giddily, looking between you and your former boss.

 When Fury levelled you with a glare and you developed a sudden vested in the ceiling, the Archer sniggered joyfully. You chanced a look around the room and saw that Barton wasn’t the only one exhibiting mirth at the idea of Fury being set ablaze by your.. well, your fury.

 “He was yelling at me!” You defended, taking yet another step back when his glare intensified.

 “You’re lucky you had no aim and only managed to set fire to the table.” He snapped.

 “I think you were the lucky one.” Stark sniggered at Fury.

 “Do you want her or not?” Fury sighed.

 “Do I get a say in this?” You objected.

 “No.” Fury, Stark, Romanoff, and Loki said in unison.

 “I can run some tests to figure out what happened to you, if it’s reversible.” Banner offered comfortingly. “With your permission of course.”

 “I’m gonna go stand over there with him.” You huffed, making a beeline for the doctor and awkwardly hiding behind him.

 “Yeah, we’ll take her, should be an interesting riddle to solve.” Stark shrugged.

 Captain Rogers and his buddies glanced at you before appearing to have a silent conversation.

 “She can stay here while Stark and Banner figure out what happened, and we can go from there.” The Captain finally decided.

 “We’ll take good care of her.” Loki added with a charming smile.

 His eyes said something completely different, and you had a sick feeling that you were going to be made to pay for your short jokes.

 “Glad I meet your approval; I was worried I was going to fall short.” You sarked, immediately resisting the urge to punch yourself in the face.

 “Approval has nothing to do with it. Of all The Avengers, who do you think will be responsible for testing your abilities? You would do well to remember that I am more than mischief and lies, I am the god of chaos and fire.” He warned you cockily, visibly delighting in the way your grin faltered.

 You shot a pleading look around the room, but nobody was refuting Loki’s claim. In fact, they were nodding thoughtfully, or in Stark’s case; shrugging apologetically at you. You turned back to Loki, ignoring the deep sense of foreboding in your stomach.

 “Well Fe-Fi-Fo-Fuck.”

I have been trying to get back into writing for so long, and this is my last attempt. If this doesn’t work then I am out of ideas. 

I know this is a boring start but I have been re-working and rewriting it for days and I can’t improve it. If you enjoyed any part of this, please do tell me! If you didn’t, then tell me that as well. Just give me any feedback at all, I’d appreciate it so so so so so much. 

For those of you unaware (especially on AO3), I haven’t been writing for a while because my estranged mother passed away and it brought up issues that needed to be dealt with, but all that is over with now. Thank you to everyone who sent supportive messages and was patient with me ❤

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[flickeringart]

Neptune in aspect with Mars

(Read my post about Sun and Moon aspecting Neptune and Mercury and Venus aspecting Neptune)

These planets aspecting each other makes for a curious connection, because in a sense, they represent opposing principles; Mars represents the personal drive and the ability to spring to action, the force that works to impose one’s independent will on the world – Neptune represents the inner urge for emotional unity and the religious/spiritual experience of being merged with the source of life. When these planets are in aspect in the natal chart, the personal ability to carry out one’s will is inextricably linked to redemptive longings. Simply put, Mars-Neptune individuals will put their energy into fulfilling the ego ideal, the perfection of potential that existed before the personality began to form. The personality cannot assert itself in a way that would crush the dream of perfection. Neptune is the dream of purity, the undifferentiated beauty of never having left the garden of Eden. Mars on the other hand is the agent of independence and self-motivated action – he has the purpose of fighting for the individual self which is antithetical to the Neptunian principle of surrender. While the Moon and Venus are quite social; the Moon represents nurturing and care-taking of needs, Venus represents the ability to be loving, affectionate and gracious; Mars is selfish and to a certain extent anti-social – most definitely anti-Eden and its eternal bliss. Subsequently, Neptune paired with Venus or the Moon is a little less of an obvious conflict than Neptune paired with Mars.

The conjunction of Neptune-Mars might cause considerable frustration and unconscious manipulation, because one cannot assert oneself, which is to declare separation, without feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame. It’s a little bit like the Bible story of Adam and Eve eating of the forbidden fruit and immediately becomes aware of sin. This is certainly not an easy phenomenon to deal with. The impulse to avoid accountability for one’s actions can be overwhelming, even if the consequences are perceived to be good. There can be a tremendously inflated sense of righteousness accompanying every move the individual takes because deep down there’s the feeling that one has committed a terrible trespass, that one will be unable to atone for. While the softer aspects, the trine and the sextile, more easily lend themselves to genuine selfless acts and natural inclination to fight on behalf of every bleeding heart and soul in the world through acts of sympathy and kindness, the conjunction usually brings more troubles. There can be an overwhelming feeling of having to do certain things because one cannot stand the idea of being separate from other people. One finds it easy to identify as the martyr or victim, unwilling to take radical responsibility for one’s actions – or if one does it’s in order to self-sacrifice. Often the individual will adopt any ideology that promotes the mass before the individual – often socialism or marxism fits the bill. Neptune is symbolic of undifferentiated reality, blurred edges and passive surrender. It’s not a planet that promotes autonomy and individuation. Not uncommonly, decisions and actions are referred to as byproducts of societal or larger-scale units that have little to do with the poor self. These individuals are usually profoundly dissatisfied with the ways of society because on some level they believe that individual autonomy and agency is a sin – and that the only way to redeem oneself and humanity is through some kind of chaotic dissolution of difference. This urge is seldom conscious, but it is there none the less. Vladimir Lenin had this conjunction and he wanted to revolutionize society to fit the marxist ideology, but really what this means is to overthrow the upper class – to punish those that seem to revel in the delights of Eden, to get rid of the internal shame of being excluded from paradise.

It seems like Neptune-Mars shows up in individuals with the capacity to move a crowd, perhaps most importantly, with the capacity to be the front figure and leader of the masses. Vladimir Lenin certainly affected the masses and so did Napoleon I with the same conjunction. Hassan II of Morocco, known to be one of the most severe rulers widely accused of authoritarian practices and abuses of civil rights had this conjunction as well. These examples are far removed from Neptune’s reputation for denoting empathy, soft-heartedness and sensitivity. However, it might be precisely because of the refusal to abandon the hope of the sweet sweet nectar of paradise that can only truly be accessed in a state of pre-birth if even then, that the outrage is so total. Most children scream when they are born, and this is probably the kind of terrible rage caused by separation that lingers in these people. The sign the conjunction falls in will certainly affect the expression the energies filter through – Lenin had the conjunction in Aries, Hassan had it in Leo and Napoleon had it in Virgo. Virgo is a much more analytical and practical sign than the prideful fire signs of Aries and Leo – consequently Napoleon is famous for his fine skill for method and strategy in war. On his Wikipedia page, it states that Napoleon had a hypnotic effect on people and could bend the strongest leaders to his will in one-on-one conversations. Hypnosis is a marked Neptunian phenomenon. What happens is that the person is able to gently infiltrate the other person’s will – which is quite extraordinary. If someone is receptive and open enough to suggestion, the opportunity and the invitation is there to mold the other through unconscious communion. Since there’s no obvious forcing taking place under hypnosis, the hypnotized person must cooperate on some level – yet it’s not a conscious cooperation which is why the whole phenomena of hypnosis is so unnerving. In general, people would like to think that they are in complete control of themselves, but it’s more of a fancy fantasy rather than an actual reality. We don’t know what we are receptive to and Neptune reminds us of this. He seeps through the most tightly shut doors.

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My own family is quite Neptune dominated and what often happens is that I feel subtly manipulated, yet the manipulation is never fully conscious on the part of the individuals so it becomes difficult to confront them. The times I have, they either take offense or seem genuinely perplexed. It is impossible to confront Neptune, because he works underneath the surface, below the threshold of consciousness. When confronted these types are deeply disturbed that they could’ve imposed something on someone – they either go into a introspective mood, become appalled or proclaim their love and sympathy in an attempt to restore union. My mother has Mars in the 12th house and although it’s not aspecting Neptune, Mars is placed in the house pertaining to this planet and she has Neptune in her 1st house. She never gets angry but people around her certainly do. She is eternally understanding of everyone else’s anger and has acceptance for it, yet she doesn’t respond to any of it on a personal level. She apologizes every time something upsets her. She is never aggressive, yet she does instill subtle guilt through little cues and hints every now and then because it is a sin to have a will that does not align with the crowd that one finds oneself in. Sometimes, when things aren’t the way she wants to see them she doesn’t see them. She presumes that on the most basic level, all people want the same thing, which is probably true on a “soul level”, but sometimes it doesn’t translate to everyday matters. People’s personalities contradict each other and this is no trivial matter – people can and do clash because of individual differences and it can be detrimental to one or all of the individuals involved. However, Neptune doesn’t like to see a clash as a clash – that would be to treat it as a definite fact, which would contradict the fluidity of oceanic union. The frustratingly passive statement “It’s everyone’s fault” or “It’s everyone’s responsibility” is the attempt to not deal with cause and effect while establishing the fact that some abstract common force is always at work. This is neither true nor false but this attitude conveniently keeps everyone “unified” and dependent upon each other.

Admittedly I went with the most gruesome examples when writing about the conjunction, but it goes without saying that not all people with this aspect is going to be a Lenin type – Ryan Gosling, Avril Lavinge and Timothé Chalamet all have this conjunction and they’re all quite popular entertainers in their own ways – they move the masses on some level. Ryan Gosling has a Pisces Rising so his chart ruler is Neptune which makes it particularly strong. He gives off that pure hearted watery eyed look that is extremely mesmerizing to the public – he portrays himself as sweet and compassionate, he seems to have a marked innocence and purity to his outward projected identity. Avril Lavinge has her Sun-Mercury in the 12th house squaring her Neptune-Mars conjunction in the 3rd. She has more of an edge to her personality with a lot of planets in Scorpio but she certainly comes off as a chaotic, intense and absent-minded creative which I would attribute more to Neptune. Her strong rebellious “I don’t care” statements through her music resonates with a lot of people, but so does her more sentimental songs. Timothe´ Chalamet has his Moon in Pisces sextile Mars-Mercury-Neptune and he is quite the stereotypical Neptunian boy – he looks delicate, introspective, dreamy and androgynous, more like an ethereal creature than an earth-bound human. With the conjunction in the 5th house there’s no wonder that he can act and express himself in a very fluid way. Acting and performing musically are the specialities of the Neptune, and if enough components in the chart support the endeavor one might just become famous. The trine and sextile aspect also lend themselves well to these kind of occupations. These people can effectively gain the sympathy of the public because people recognize something of themselves – something pure and unborn, a mutual feeling.

A good example of someone with the trine aspect between Neptune and Mars is Russel Brand. He is quite the Neptunian with an angular 10th house Neptune opposing his Sun and trining his Jupiter-Mars-Moon planets in Aries. Even though he certainly has the fire and energy of an Aries Mars that can sometimes be a bit too much for people he is not only fighting for himself he is fighting for all people. In many ways he’s embodying  universal hope and rage. He is fiery but also very receptive and deeply concerned with not causing any damage or hurt despite his characteristic blunt and direct approach. He has a marked religious/spiritual inclination, which is usually the case with a strong Neptune in the chart. In his early years the longing for Eden was sought through drugs, alcohol and fame, while it has now shifted to a more healthy inner exploration and focus on being of service to people. The soft aspects between Neptune and Mars-Moon-Jupiter planets in his chart helps him to cope with the disturbing Sun-Neptune opposition. In recent interviews, he admits that he still feels the pull of fame and success, yet he knows that if he goes down that path he will lose himself (his Sun) and will ultimately end up disillusioned and dissatisfied. I have the trine in my own chart, and I float aimlessly through life with the notion that things will work out and my actions will come to me, because I can’t plan or control anything. I have learnt that I have to trust the way things unfold, because I have a clear sense that my forced actions won’t lead me anywhere except to frustration and a sense of isolation. The sextile aspect seems to function a little bit more as an asset and a skill for the person to use. Politicians like Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel and Francois Hollande all have this aspect and they can effectively use their receptivity to the masses and people in general to inform their actions.

Now to the harder aspects. Britney Spears is a good example of the dilemmas created by the Neptune-Mars square. Her Neptune squares Mars in the 12th house, the house belonging to Neptune and Pisces. Because of mental instability in her twenties she was put under a conservatorship which is essentially the equivalent of giving up personal control of one’s personal matters in order for an outside source to manage them until one gains some foothold. Mars is one of the prime factors of personal ambition and autonomy, but when it’s in the 12th it is given up – it is essentially a slave to the undifferentiated realm and subjected all the forces of the unconscious. A 12th house Mars in itself doesn’t have to produce the mess that Britney found herself in, but with it squaring Neptune, Mars is going to get swamped, mislead, confused, manipulated and subtly coerced because of the need for fusion, into doing things that will pull her further away from independent action. Another good example is Kylie Jenner. She has Neptune in her 1st house squaring Mars on the MC. She is publicly known for being part of the Kardashian-Jenner family, but she’s also gained attention because she skillfully created her own brand Kylie Cosmetics and became very “successful” (as in earning a lot of money) due to her own independent action and initiative. However, Neptune is anti-independence – and curiously enough there’s always some dishonesty involved when Neptune makes any hard aspects in the chart. She was declared the youngest self-made billionaire by Forbes in 2019, but, she has later been accused of forging tax documents to appear to be a billionaire. Neptune simply can’t let her be all that her Mars wants to be – a successful business woman with a clean record. Self-sabotage is almost always the case, however minor with this aspect, because Neptune refuses Mars’ need to be potent in the world.

The opposition creates a different dynamic although the dilemma is similar to the square. The person can be called to completely abandon an independent will to take action in favor of the glamour and blissful archetypal experience, not unlike the example of Russel Brand and his indulgence in fame and crowd-pleasing at the expense of his sense of self. The difference between having Sun opposing Neptune and Mars opposing Neptune is that in the first instance one is prone to give up a sense of self in favor of Neptune’s waters, while in the second, one feels the urge to give up the ability to direct one’s own life in order to merge with life around oneself. The opposition usually lends itself to extremism because the two polarities, in this case Mars and Neptune, can’t coexist. Queen Elizabeth II has this aspect, Mars-Jupiter in the 1st opposing Neptune in the 7th. She is on the one hand seen as an archetypal figure, immortal and divine and blissfully kept out of the real world in order to serve as a symbol and a fairytale for people to feel spiritually connected to. She’s non-aggressive, forgiving and compassionate, transcendent of the fuss of the world yet overseeing it all with care. She is essentially functioning to satisfy the religious/spiritual instinct of the masses, although it’s certainly done at the expense of her own selfish wants and needs. Luckily for her, her Mars drive is quite global and collective in nature considering that it falls in Aquarius and is conjunct Jupiter – it keeps her objective and less personal in her martial assertion. However, I’m sure she struggles with the contradiction between her own will and her role as an immortal unreality that would seem to activate itself in the interaction with other people (Neptune in the 7th). Edward Snowden also has this opposition falling in the same houses. His Mars-Sun conjunction opposes Neptune, and he famously leaked information about mass surveillance programs to the press. Neptune has everything to do with leaks and the dissolution of boundaries. He’s both been called a hero a traitor – which perfectly fits with the contradiction that the opposition represents. He certainly made a personal sacrifice by revealing the things he did so he is perfectly shouldering the martyr cape. In any case he did what he did for the public with the concern of other people in mind (Neptune 7th house) he took a non-selfish stance for the sake of a higher ideal and ethical conviction. Both Queen Elizabeth and Edward Snowden are quite extreme in their Neptunian capacity and has taken on fates of mythic magnitude.

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[sentfromwolves]

25, 29, 30, 56 for Atticus and Aurora! 💖💖

🌺 Aurora 🌺

25. How stubborn is your oc? Are they open to considering different options or opinions, or are they more closed off?

Aurora is pretty stubborn! She doesn't really realize it tbh because of so much of her own self-loathing and self-confidence problems, but once she's set on something, it's nearly impossible to move her away from her path. She doesn't like making other people upset about her own mulish decisions, but she's also very much like "I'm just gonna go my own thing!" and does it no matter what anyone says.

29. If a perfume was to be made to represent your oc, what sorts of smells would be included in it?

It would probably be a very light, gently fragrant perfume. Nothing strong, the faintest hints of lilac and magnolia, very gentle hints of orange and cucumber. Something that reminds you of a clear morning, the skies just beginning to lighten with the first rays of sun.

30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist?

Aurora is extremely caring, but a lot of times, she gets caught up on her own anxiety in showing it very well in public or social situations. She has a deeply empathetic heart, but it's very hard for her to be open and succinct about it, and so sometimes the true extent of her emotions don't get through very well.

56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?

You know, I was originally gonna say robin blue but learning more about her, I think Aurora would come to associate this color with... just kind of not the greatest vibes, since it is a primary color she associates with Astoria House and her family. I think her favorite color would come to be carnelian honestly, to be a little sentimental. She would just really love Atticus's eye color and looking at it a lot. If I had to choose a color for her, it would be a very gentle pink, like a soft flower petal!

🍎Atticus🍎

25. How stubborn is your oc? Are they open to considering different options or opinions, or are they more closed off?

Atticus is SO INCREDIBLY STUBBORN AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT. If you stand in his way he will literally bulldoze you off the side of it. He has no patience for people trying to divert him from whatever he's doing or set on--he has the temper of a pissed off stallion and a lot of physical weight to throw around. He can be incredibly dangerous to provoke in trying to convince him to swallow a different option or opinion. Unfortunately, it's not recommended.

29. If a perfume was to be made to represent your oc, what sorts of smells would be included in it?

Hmmm probably something more potent. Cedar and musk and apple blossom, ozone and petrichor. It would taste a lot like walking into the pine forests in the mountains just at the start of winter.

30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist?

Atticus is not the most caring or empathetic man in the world. He's had a few centuries of anger and bitterness and pent-up fury to file down the length of his empathy for others, especially those he feels aren't worth his time or "less" than him. Broadly speaking, he does have a great sense of protective desire for his people in the court of Galilea, and he is their fierce protector, but on an individual level, he really just doesn't have severe empathy for much. It does get better and start healing as he comes into more and more contact with Aurora, and when his desire to take care of someone does manifest, he does it ardently and devotedly, making that person very near to the heart of his world.

56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?

Deep sapphire, near to midnight blue. He loves it and how it can look black when not caught in the right light. However, he also starts growing very fond of lavender because of Aurora, hehe. I think I would choose a dark crimson for him, reminiscent of his passionate temper and violent moods, but also his devotion when it comes through, because he puts his whole heart into it then.

[marshmurmurs]

hey. hey psst. grian & purpled friends au is a banger. you um, you got any more? mayhaps?

Ok so you're gonna have to bear with me for aa few moments since this au is made by someone who hasn't watched Evo in a hot second and someone who I believe hasn't yet finished watching it, so we are mostly working off of fanon and my terrible memory for Watcher stuff

With that said, you've heard of Watcher!Grian, now get ready for Watcher!Purpled too :D

So you’re probably wondering how in the world we got here. It started with Peggy mentioning that Purpled got a clean view of both Tommy’s duel with Dream and Phil taking out Wil. That’s enough for me to start the Watcher propaganda babey!!!

“They watch but cannot be seen”

I'm pretty sure I yoinked this quote from a sign that showed up in some Watcher thing at some point. Purpled sure does watch. I also believe he has done some messing around with replay mod to see inside the prison or something? So yeah, Watcher boy be looking. And the “cannot be seen” part? He’s constantly falling into the background, almost forgotten, and maybe it's in his very nature.

Grian and Purp were both Watchers, though their time as Watchers only briefly overlapped. Purpled was already a Watcher during Evo times, having been picked up by the Watchers while traveling the void in his spaceship. They had promised him he would become something greater than himself, he would be part of something important, he would have a legacy. Purpled went along with them, at first, it wasn’t like he really had anything better to be doing. Besides, the magic and wings he got out of the deal were pretty cool.

It was when the Watchers started looking to recruit Grian that Purpled started to question why he was there. That legacy they promised him, he wasn't sure if they ever delivered on that. If anything, it was the Watchers that were benefiting off of him. The Evolutionists were the only people who were confident in their existence, and even then, they only knew of the group as a whole. They had no idea how many of them there were or of any of the individuals within. He doesn’t think that was ever what he wanted out of joining the Watchers... He wasn’t actually sure what he had wanted out of them.

Purpled noticed the Watchers focusing their attention on Grian, he saw how they worked to break down his will to rebel. Sure, he had joined them, but it wasn't like he had been told all their rules upfront. Naturally the guy who had continuously tested the limits of their patience when they had been some unknown power wouldn’t stop that just because he was one of them now. Grian would push the limits of what he was allowed to do, finding loopholes, dancing around the rules, and even outright breaking them at times. The two interacted a few times and Purpled liked the guy well enough. He liked him enough to break the rules himself and not report Grian when he caught him breaking some rules, he even pointed out a few spots in the rules where the phrasing could be exploited. Still, he recognized the opportunity Grian’s presence provided him. Purpled was no longer the newest Watcher, no longer constantly under their gaze. He could just leave, and if he was smart about it, he could get away and have plenty of time before anyone noticed.

So he did. With a final o7 to Grian, Purpled left. Their final encounter within the Watchers domain went something like this:

Purpled: Hey do you want some advice?

Grian: Sure

Purpled: *walks away never to be seen again within the Watcher’s domain*

It was only later that Grian realized what the advice was, long after he began sneaking out, began testing the limits of what he could do. It was long after he figured out that an eye couldn't really look within itself and he could use the very powers the Watchers had given him to hide himself from them, long after he'd made his own domain, long after he'd slipped away to a land he created specifically to stay out of their sight and reach that he realized what the advice was. Purpled had left. His advice was to leave. Grian had—albeit unknowingly—followed that advice.

Purpled had taken a much different method to getting away. Instead of making himself untraceable, he hid in plain sight. He went to Hypixel and made a name for himself playing Bedwars. With each game he won, with each game he clutched, he amassed supporters. Players, believers and doubters alike, began to bet on the outcome of his matches. Purpled had made himself seen. He knew the Watchers knew he was there, but that was the point. They couldn’t reach him, not without breaking their own rules, at least. Unlike the two Players turned Watchers, the original Watchers cared deeply for and were bound by their rules. Even if they had tried anything, Purpled managed to create his own legacy, making for himself what they never could. Beyond that, he'd found friends, he'd built a community, surrounded himself with people who would look for him and make themselves a problem for the Watchers if they tried to make him go back. They were forced to sit by and do nothing as he continuously broke their most important rule.

Purpled didn't need the Watchers, he never did.

Grian didn't really know how he felt about the Watchers. He didn't think he hated them, not really. The Watchers had given him a taste of true freedom then immediately began to restrain him. They'd given him wings and the power to create worlds in mere seconds, something which would not only take a regular Admin a much longer time, it would require a significant amount of preparation. He was given the world at his fingertips but was limited by the long list of rules the Watchers enforced. He doesn't regret joining them—he wouldn't give up his wings for the world—but they just weren't enough. The more they tried to make him fit their mold of a perfect little Watcher, the more sure of that he became.

It was almost funny, the Watchers had become stricter in order to prevent another Purpled situation. They were trying to ensure Grian wouldn’t leave them too, but in doing so, they had given him reason to. He was a bit curious though, he wondered what Purpled was up to now. Grian hadn’t gotten news about him since he’d left the Watchers.

So Grian went to Hypixel, he wanted to see if he could track down Purpled. He knew the other was there, judging by the leaderboards, but he couldn’t seem to catch him around the hub. He managed to track down gamblers betting on Purpled's victories. Grian followed that lead, tailing the person who was updating them on the results of Purpled's matches. Somehow that person continued to find intel without Grian catching where Purpled was. It made no sense, and if he was being honest with himself, it had long since reached the point of being frustrating. Eventually, after an infuriating amount of dead ends Grian decided he may as well play a few games before calling it a day and heading home. He tried a few solo matches of bedwars and while PvP wasn't really his thing, he had to admit throwing fireballs at people was pretty fun.

Grian finding Purpled wasn't even intentional on his part. At that point he wasn’t even actively looking or playing the game properly. He’d simply started building houses after politely asking people to leave him alone with varying levels of success. After a few games, he received a friend request from the person who had won the last match with a message inviting him to join them for some doubles. Grian accepted after a moment of thought, they seemed polite enough. They had left him for last when it would’ve been way easier and much more convenient to just continue their clockwise sweep.

It didn’t take Grian long to realize that his new companion was nicked, though to be fair, he was too. It’s not that he particularly cared when someone was nicked, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. There was something about this person, the way they held themself, the general energy around them, something that just felt so familiar. Try as he might, though, Grian couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

It was when he noticed the absolute confidence and ease in which his companion threw themself into the void that Grian finally gave in to his curiosity. Players usually avoid the void, and even if they did jump into it for strategic purposes, he's never seen anyone

recover as fast as his companion did. While they ran off to go stab someone who was getting too close to their area for comfort, Grian tried to look past their disguise. He was met with resistance, surprisingly. Usually looking past a Player being nicked was no issue. He pushed harder, it was more than just curiosity at this point, he needed to know who this was, why they were able to resist him. Somehow the results were worse this time. Grian realized with increasing bewilderment that he could no longer even see his companion. His teammate was just gone, there one moment and gone the next.

Grian blinked away the purple in his eyes, focusing on his surroundings. There were no new bridges leading away, his teammate was still in the game, and they hadn't died. Where could they have gone? He continued to scan the island when he was suddenly hit with the overwhelming sense of being watched. There, standing beside him was his teammate, eyes glowing the same purple Grian's had moments before.

"Something wrong, Grian?"

It all clicked for him then. His nicked companion was the guy he had been looking for the entire time, he’d only just now decided to reveal himself. Of course Grian’s Watcher abilities hadn’t helped, Purpled had way more power here than he did. He was just a guest in the other’s domain, he never had a chance of finding him if he hadn’t wanted to be found.

“Y’know, you could have been a lot clearer.”

“Rule 7. Besides, you figured it out, didn’t you?”

Once they reunited, the two realized they still got along well. They agreed to keep in contact, and they did. Grian would sometimes hop onto Hypixel to join Purpled for a few games—always nicked, they didn’t want the Watchers to realize they were in contact— and other times he'd drag him off to a creative world to challenge him to a game of build swap or various flying courses he’d created. The two often swapped tips and tricks for things they were good at. Grian would give Purpled lessons on building, block palettes, and flying (he argued the other only ever really using his wings while voiding didn’t count). In exchange, Purple would try to give him advice on various things he’d picked up from playing bedwars: block clutches, speedbridging, and general PvP.

When Purpled was invited onto the DreamSMP, he was fairly excited. He loved what he had going on with Hypixel and his friends there, but part of him had always wanted this. Ever since he was with the Watchers, overlooking everything on Evo and worlds before that, part of him had wished to be on the other side of things. This desire only grew stronger as he heard the tales of what Grian got up to on Hermitcraft.

The Dream SMP was nothing like he expected it to be. It turned out to be a hardcore world, only 3 “lives” allowed per player. There were also seemingly infinite respawns, though, which made no sense. He wasn’t sure which was more annoying: the unclear respawn rules or the fact that he was never told about them before he agreed to join.

Besides that, there was also some entity with a great amount of power, even more than the admin himself. Purpled had noticed their presence fairly quickly upon joining and he was immediately on edge. He had no information on the being, their power, their motives, nothing. And that felt dangerous. Purpled had unintentionally ended up falling back into old habits from working with the Watchers as he tried to establish himself in this world. He claimed land for his own, carving out his own domain within that of the unknown god while trying to avoid catching their attention. Eventually, once he was comfortable enough within the world, he began trying to reach out, trying to get involved in the things that were happening. He heard there was a war brewing, and if he learned anything from Grian, things were about to get really fun.

They didn’t.

His attempts to involve himself mostly failed, so he went back to doing what he had before. He claimed more and more land and continued watching over events from the sidelines. Things got serious, conflicts got personal, and unless he was directly pulled in by someone he considered a friend, Purpled just watched.

Anyway my excuse for whatever is going on with their designs is that Watchers can control how they are perceived. This is my city and I want them to have cool wings. Also Peggy was supposed to be my impulse control but the memo got lost in the mail and she never got it, so she enabled me instead. Now we have both funky dragon/parrot vibes on Grian and vague alien/phantom/vex vibes on Purpled

[thetcsteofink]

LYANNA BEHL ( SHE/HER ) is a CIS FEMALE, TWENTY-NINE year old PSYCHOTHERAPIST who has been living in Moorbrooke for HER WHOLE LIFE. They were born on JANUARY 14 and right now, they are currently residing in MAPLE COURT. It has been said that they look suspiciously like SUMMER BISHIL and if they had to choose a song to describe themselves, they would choose THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT by THE OFFSPRING.

TW: Abuse, Drugs, Alcohol, Grooming, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm

Lyanna Behl was born in Moorbrooke on January 14th, 1993. Her mother was Mexican and her father was Indian. She had an older half brother named Matthias, whose father had mysteriously died soon after Matthias was born. Funnily enough, Lyanna’s dear father also mysteriously died soon after she was born as well. Therefore, unfortunately, Lyanna never knew her father. Sadly, she never learned a lot about him either, but as an adult, she figured he was a kind man who simply fell for the wrong woman.

Lyanna and Matthias’ mother was neglectful. Sure the woman was able to at the very least provide such basic necessities but otherwise wouldn’t give them the time of day. Her bread and butter was drugs and alcohol. She sold and used excessively. Often, their mother would be aggravated if the children even dared cry over wanting some affection or care. So, as they got older, Matthias ended up taking care of Lyanna, and it wouldn’t stop being his job for many years. Sometimes, there would be physical abuse and more often than not, verbal.

Due to such a rough childhood and being exposed to drugs and alcohol at an early age, Lyanna started her drug and drinking journey at ten. Her brother, always the level headed and mature one, often tried to stop her. It worked for a while until Lyanna learned how to hide her activities from her brother. This was just all a way to act out and numb her depression. She was deeply unhappy with her life. Her brother was the only light in her world but it’s true, that it just wasn’t enough sometimes. If her own mother didn’t care then why should she?

Lyanna fell into the wrong crowd of depressed individuals with family issues and no one really understanding them. Her new friends knew people around town, usually older kids or even young adults that had no qualms selling drugs or buying alcohol to kids that had barely reached double digits. Meeting such interesting people that seemed to captivate a young Lyanna made her want to be as cool and well-liked as everyone else. Not to mention, there was so much she could relate to with everybody. She had found her people, but it was a toxic group. 

The group’s drug dealer, a young man of seventeen, was someone who everyone wanted to fuck or be. What’s crazy about that was that Lyanna was just eleven and nervous with her dumb crush on probably the worst person in the world. He would hang out with her and her friends and they would feel wanted and cool by association. He always had a charismatic way about him, spoke to them like they were his age and cool to hang. He also had a way to make Lyanna and her friends come back for more drugs and alcohol. It was hard to say no to someone like that.

Rebelling became normal for her. She would pick fights in school, get detention often, or suspended, and got into all sorts of trouble. She was only thirteen at this point. Her grades started slipping, not because she wasn’t smart or didn’t care to pay attention, but she simply was so careless about her homework, which was always a massive part of every student’s grades. Coupled with her mother who neglected to show up to meetings with the dean of discipline or answered the phone from the school’s admin rudely and carelessly when talking about Lyanna, nothing seemed to matter. Matthias was the golden child anyway, a good boy, A student, clean and trying his best to live his regular life. Unfortunately, Lyanna’s antics often got in the way of such a life just because he was always who came to her aid whenever something happened. 

Lyanna began to commit small-town crimes, such as theft from stores, vandalization, obtaining fake IDs, growing weed herself, etc. At about twelve, Lyanna was arrested for shoplifting some eyeliner. Arrested, but not sent to juvie just because it was petty theft. As she grew into rougher teen years, pushing her brother away became more and more prominent. She grew tired of having him as an angel on her shoulder. At this point, she knew everything she was doing wasn’t right, even the destruction to her own body with drugs and alcohol and she simply didn’t care. The fights she got into with Matthias were ugly, screaming, exhaustive. He wanted her to be okay, and she was too far gone. And yet, Matthias never let her burn the bridge. In a way they were all each other had.

At fourteen she ended up sleeping with the dealer who was twenty at the time. There was no pressure but there was nervousness, though he insisted everything was fine and that she was oh so beautiful and special. For some time, Lyanna didn’t even know that she’d been groomed and raped, as he was an adult and she a minor. Grooming wasn’t particularly a well-known term, either, during 2006. This relationship she had with the dealer continued for two more years. More often than not, he would always make sure she wasn’t sober with him. Sometimes she would pass out, not even knowing where she was, and he wasn’t always there whenever she woke up.

A new misery seemed to take over. This wasn’t ‘fun’ anymore. Her depression couldn’t be pushed away through mindless sex with, what? Her boyfriend? They never made anything official. And the rose-tinted glasses of their ‘romance’ faded away after dealing with him for so long. Numbing with drugs or alcohol wasn’t working. If anything it made things worse. It was so bad that Matthias asked, once again, like all the other times, what was going on, and she told him everything. With Matthias’ help, the drug dealer went behind bars. She was able to testify against him. She also agreed to get some help, whatever that entailed.

Lyanna went to rehab at seventeen in order to get clean and also talk to some therapist. She had the nicest woman. She looked like her mom, who had gone missing at some point in the past couple years (her brother was now her guardian), but nicer, sweet, kinder, and warmer. It took a little bit for her to open up, but eventually she did. Everything spilled out. Lyanna was able to show that yes, she did cut herself. And has as of late wondered about dying. She was diagnosed with general anxiety, severe depression, borderline personality disorder, and was being treated for it, along with substance abuse. 

Her therapist was a lifeline, along with Matthias. She took her medications as directed and did several activities and exercises whilst in rehab. She had gotten clean, and never again thereafter did she touch alcohol or another unprescribed drug. Lyanna also found that...  psychology was actually very interesting. Even in high school she had enjoyed biology and found the nervous system to be the most enticing of them all. While therapist definitely are not friends with their patients, Lyanna felt that they had gotten along so well after a time. Even after rehab she continued to see this therapist and work on herself.

Lyanna got her GED at nineteen after working retail for a time. She applied to school and did extraordinarily well. She was inspired by her own therapist and decided this was what she wanted to do. She wanted to help others. After graduating, she applied to graduate school for psychology. Six years of intense schooling and she got her doctorate.

Her first job was part time at a clinic, where she continues to be. She also took up a few hours at the university, as students definitely have rough times. Lyanna really managed to turn herself around. Still a firecracker whenever she gets riled up, she is only now more relaxed, happier, and warmer. Although she has difficulty with romantic relationships, she’s had a few casual hookups since the drug dealer. Her relationship with her brother has never been better. He is sincerely her best friend. Luckily, her friends from school, who were also victims of such grooming and toxic behavior grew up. Though not all of them are clean, one of them, her best friend, is especially doing well and on the road to recovery. They always talk and hang out when they can, and while Lyanna isn’t her therapist, she’s proud of the strides her friend has made.

One of the major new things she’s got going on is that she is trying to learn violin. She’s always loved music, and with her clearer head, Lyanna’s invested on violin lessons and thoroughly enjoys it. Sometimes, Lyanna does have bad days but she tries to force herself to push through them. She’s been sober for over a decade and her medications really help to stabilize her into a functioning adult in order for her to help others.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

• MATTHIAS [DIFFERENT LAST NAME]. Their mother was Mexican, so Matthias is Mexican (either all or half). He is 31 years old, going on 32. Quite frankly these two have so much history. So many ups and downs but all love and protection. While Matthias has always been amazing at trying to protect Lyanna, sometimes he should take a page from his book as he has a tendency to also go towards toxic people to sleep with or date. In a way, now it’s Lyanna’s turn to protect him, considering now that she’s not riddled with drama and toxic relationships/behaviors herself, she can pay attention to what her brother’s up to.

• HER BEST FRIEND. She has no name, but this is her ride or die. They’ve been through their own ups and downs since being pre-teens. Have a similar background when it comes to them doing drugs and alcohol at a young age and being groomed by this nameless drug dealer. Lyanna’s best friend is currently recovering and is making strides though it’s possible she may relapse or not. Lyanna and this friend have also shared their first kisses together, just because they were curious and hey, in a way, her best friend is why Lyanna even realized she was bi at all. 

• AN EX. definitely not the nameless drug dealer. This ex would’ve been her first real relationship after the fact. I believe these two met in college when she was nineteen or twenty. Lyanna most likely broke it off. Traumatized over her first and only relationship, she felt she was damaged goods and was fearful of receiving unconditional affection and love from someone who she herself also loved. She grew attached as well but on the topics of sex, Lyanna was always hesitant. Emotionally she was a wreck, both happy and scared to be with someone, so yes she did break it off after a year. To this day she still thinks of this ex.

• PATIENTS. Lyanna definitely needs patients. I will take alllll the patients and bets are that your character(s) need therapy. That’s what she’s here for! Also family therapies for fucked up sibling relationships or parent-offspring relationships too. Or couples therapy. She’s your gal.

• COLLEAGUES. I would love Lyanna to have some friends from work. Others therapists! They could get together for lunch and stuff and if they’re similar in age, sleepovers watching Friends reruns.

• FRIENDS. My girlie needs pals! That’s all. But that’s easy and open ended.

[system-of-a-feather]

You know, one of the things XIV had pointed out that today that now that I'm thinking about it is kind of an interesting point, is that within our system that is generally Buddhist adjacent (ie a lot of the values and philosophy we hold reflect similarly into Buddhist principles that we actually heavily respect and value those who follow it like a sibling while being our own thing); XIV is arguably one of the parts in our system that shares ideologically the most values with Buddhist concepts and is the most dedicated to said values and principles - but that most probably would not expect that consider 1) Lucille is BETTER at actually applying them to day to day life and 2) most people think of Buddhist principles and think of peaceful zen guys (which is probably the typical approach to applying that into life, cite Lucille who accidentally ended up in that realm)

But largely, as he sees it - rather than applying Buddhist-adjacent philosophy and theory to personal life - he thinks that a lot of what plagues and suffers society has a lot in common with what Buddhists also comment on being an issue. An excess for individuality, an excess need for excess, a sense of disconnect from ones self and others and the world as a whole, a heavy value for the materialistic and immediate over the larger spectrum and whole picture and things that persist beyond the material.

Where parts like Lucille and I are very soft in our life philosophy being somewhat rooted in those ideals and have our approach to our personal life being guided by that and thus like to lean into the sense of peace that comes with accepting things as they happen and all that; XIV sees it as a needed application to the greater whole and I guess in his words "what is a better example of a successful commune that a buddhist monastery" and he and I both know that its FAR more complex than that, but he meant it on a very very surface level

There is a great peace in being able to live in harmony and not stress over how much you are or are not contributing and to not have that hungry drive for more and more excess that pushes people to feel like they have to contribute more than they can. If as a society we were to accept our losses and put aside our greed and desire for excess and power and learn to just live as people among people, it would be really neat.

Over my healing lately I've been reflecting on a lot of the "zen" principles and perspectives to life that Lucille has because I've largely been slowly picking up his role but for the subsystem and I've really come to deeply appreciate the power and ability to let things go and just accept things that come on a face value and appreciate things as the whole and many pieces that work together to make things happen. I don't know I don't have my words together on the topic so cleanly strung together because its one of those things I think about a lot more than I... THINK about if that makes sense, but I think I kinda see a little more into how XIV sees things with that in mind. Where as Lucille and I are happy handling our lives like this, I think its a little harder for him to be satiated just fixing things for himself - which is problematic thing in excess, but an honestly.... very considerate thing from a guy who is such an asshole 24/7.

I dunno, maybe I'm just reading too much into it because I was watching an episode of House for Self Care and realizing that House really does have a place on XIV's kin list for a reason.

Anyways, I'm just rambling about literally myself technically so #SoCringe uwu you sound like a lonely person who needs real friends uwu; Whatever, I'm not gonna apologize. XIV is the person I work regularly with to make this life work well. He's a larger part in my life than literally anyone else so I'll talk about him all I want even if he exists in my head. People can deal with it #ShitXIVTaughtMe

-Riku

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 20

Iconic. Seeing Wei Wuxian back and better than ever is so satisfying! That flute playing that probably we’ve all forgotten about since the first two episodes becomes a repeating leitmotif throughout the series. It’s just as iconic as Wei Wuxian himself. And what I love about this shot here is how the light hits his eyes, and from this specific camera angle, it looks like a mask on his face! I just thought that was super cool. Whether it was intentional or not, I have no idea, but I like to think it was. I guess it’s like a reverse mask in this case—everything is hidden except his eyes.

It’s amazing how I only went without Wei Wuxian for like half an episode, yet it felt like so much longer. The emotional weight that he carries is so great that from all the characters searching for him, it feels like it’s actually been three months, instead of more like twenty-five minutes. And I think that’s something that we can feel in CQL but we can’t really feel in the book. Since the book is written in third person limited, we only see Wei Wuxian’s side of the story (I think that’s accurate, but it’s been a few months since I read it). That being the case, we never leave Wei Wuxian’s side, we never get to miss him being there. Of course the story is framed totally differently in the book and not in chronological order, even—lots of flip-flopping, which is fun but also a little confusing when you’re trying to keep track of a timeline.

I think part of what makes Wang Lingjao so creepy here is that her garish makeup is totally gone: her face is pale and ghoulish, with just the bright red blood trickling out of her nose, mouth, and cut on her cheek. I think they could have made her even more ghostly, but I like what they did for her apparition. It’s fun to see how fast Wen Chao cracks, though. He’s very much all bark and no bite—honestly, such a coward. On the one hand, it’s satisfying to watch him lose it, but on the other, it’s quite disturbing. I toe the line between enjoying it and being disgusted by it, but I love that CQL at least kept in this part of Wei Wuxian’s character. It’s like revenge, no matter how bloody, is okay in Chinese tv, but not the main character being kind of bad. I don’t get why they had to nerf his character to the point of absolving him of all guilt with everything that happened. I like a character who makes bad choices, but feels guilty for it, because that shows depth. Someone who bad things happen to because of the “real villain” aren’t as interesting to me. I think also that Xiao Zhan would have been amazing as the real Wei Wuxian from the book, had they adapted him that way. I also would have really, really loved to see the scene that is only really described to us (I think by Lan Xichen) where a distraught and delusional Wei Wuxian rejects Lan Wangji. Ugh, that would have been so heart-wrenching! Maybe in the donghua…sigh….

So this is important, I think. There was a point in the last episode where Jin Zixuan tells his cousin not to let the crows peck at the dead bodies of their enemies. In other words, don’t desecrate the bodies, even if they are the enemy. Of course, Jin Zixuan didn’t hold any personal grudges towards any of them, at least that we know of. Jiang Cheng certainly does. So even though Wang Lingjao is already dead by her own hand, he whips her with Zidian. Jiang Cheng is becoming more and more twisted by his anger and grief, which he never deals with in a healthy way. He wants revenge against those that have wronged him and his parents, and he really never stops seeking revenge throughout the story. First it’s against the Wens, and then it’s against Wei Wuxian. It’s a fairly slow descent, I think, over years, but I quite like watching him twist like this. While it’s fun and interesting watching someone repent and have a redemption arc, it’s also interesting watching them go the other way.

Lan Wangji seems to know, or at least suspect, that the person who has killed everyone in the Supervisory Office, including Wang Lingjao, is Wei Wuxian. A talent for using talismans (one of which Lan Wangji used himself to escape the Wens), someone who is seeking revenge against the Wen Clan—these things point to Wei Wuxian in his mind. He doesn’t want to say this to Jiang Cheng, he doesn’t even want to admit it himself, but he’s putting the pieces together. I think this is a frightening thought for him. On the one hand, he would be happy to find Wei Wuxian alive, but on the other, what state would they find him in? And what does it mean that he’s killed all these people singlehandedly? This isn’t the Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji knows and cares so deeply about. This isn’t the man that Lan Wangji was ready to die for. I think his heart is very much filled with dread in this scene.

Jiang Cheng’s line is interesting too—basically, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Solid, really, but it does come with some problems in reality. The enemy of your enemy just might stab you in the back later. It’s a very simplistic view, but I think at this point, Jiang Cheng is just happy to see the Wens dead. There are a few he wants to kill himself, but he seems satisfied if they just die out, regardless of who does it.

I like seeing Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng team up for these few episodes, because it’s fun seeing how they each approach the situations. Jiang Cheng relies heavily on his heart and emotions, which I can totally identify with. He wants to find Wei Wuxian and he wants revenge on Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao—those are his two priorities. And then Lan Wangji is definitely more of a logical person—he wants to get to the bottom of these deaths and find out who is the person with so much wicked energy that is doing all of it—and also, that person is probably Wei Wuxian, who he is very interested in finding. Here Jiang Cheng wants to rush after Wen Zhuiliu, just as he did when he went back to Lotus Pier. He’s very rash, while Lan Wangji is much more calm and collected. I mean, if it were me, I’d want to see if they would give up any information before I killed them.

And the reveal is…Wen Chao is fucking disgusting! I didn’t even want to screencap one of the close-ups, because I felt like I’d have to do a trigger warning for blood lol. Not really, though, because I never do, sorry. I love the looks on Jiang Cheng’s and Lan Wangji’s faces, though. Jiang Cheng is so horrified and Lan Wangji is just mildly shocked. I think the real thing is like, who are we dealing with here? Who is this monster who’s been murdering everyone in all these different ways? Who has made Wen Chao look like this? Is this friend or foe? Like I said, Jiang Cheng keeps saying that as long as the person is killing the Wens, he’s fine with it, but I think even he is bothered by this level of mutilation, even against someone he loathes.

It’s hilarious to me that Wen Zhuliu uses this tactic with Wen Chao. Oh, you’re going to insult me? I’m useless? Okay, bye! LOL. Also very amusing that this is really the last conversation they have with each other: this bickering that they’ve probably done over and over off screen. Wen Zhuliu stays by Wen Chao’s side, though, because he’s indebted to Wen Ruohan, of course. It would have been a neat twist to see Wen Zhuliu defect. And you still could have had a dramatic scene where Jiang Cheng chases him down.

I love it! I love it I love it I love it! The flute! This part is so well done (it’s still a little campy, of course, but that’s part of the charm)! I mean, as the audience, we all know who it is by now, but I love that they keep up the mystery because Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng still don’t know. They didn’t see him walk in. I just love this.

And shock. Jiang Cheng looks significantly more surprised. It had never crossed his mind that the person doing all this was actually Wei Wuxian, the very individual that he’s been searching for. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, doesn’t really look surprised. He looks a little surprised, okay—I’ll give you that. But I think most of what he’s feeling right now is the deep dread of being right. He wanted to be wrong, even when everything pointed to Wei Wuxian. I don’t think he wanted to believe that Wei Wuxian was capable of this, no matter how much he wanted to get revenge for what happened at Lotus Pier. I think there’s disappointment there too—how could he do such a thing? And I’ve giffed this scene with this quote: “He started to estrange her…And they became strangers who knew each other’s heart, so broken as they drifted apart” (Ana Claudia Antunes, Pierrot & Columbine). I think the realization here and a bit later for Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian has become some other person is quite heartbreaking. He’s like a stranger to him, and that feeling of betrayal when you thought you knew a person inside and out—that hurts. It’s a deep-seated betrayal that Lan Wangji feels throughout this scene.

Oh, what I also like about this part is that when Wei Wuxian appears, neither one of them can look away. They are solely focused on him at this point.

He finally gets his revenge on Wen Zhuliu. And it’s great. They jump through the roof and he strings him up with Zidian. I can’t really say anything about it—Jiang Cheng needed to do this or he never would have been able to move on from Lotus Pier and his parents’ death.

WWX: Have I changed?

JC: No, not exactly.

I love that these lines are exchanged while the camera is on Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji already sees how Wei Wuxian has changed: the flute, the wicked energy, the almost senseless killing—none of these things are like the Wei Wuxian he’s come to love. And yes, I think love—and it hurts more because there is love. Lan Wangji wanted to walk the straight path with Wei Wuxian together, and he feels betrayed by what Wei Wuxian has done. Despite that, he still wants to help him. He implores Wei Wuxian to come back to Gusu with him so that they can help him and bring him back to the right path.

This whole scene feels like Lan Wangji isn’t even in the room, it’s like a private conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji just happens to overhear. He says nothing. He lets Jiang Cheng ask a hundred questions while Wei Wuxian calmly answers them. Wei Wuxian smiles and laughs, he seems himself, and yet he isn’t. There’s something wrong and Lan Wangji grows more and more perturbed by it as the seconds pass by.

The tension in this scene is palpable. It’s painful, it’s sad, it’s really hard for me to watch. And yet, this is one of my favorite scenes. Lan Wangji is feeling a lot, and he’s held it all in until this moment here. He calls him Wei Ying, and then Wei Wuxian in turn addresses him first as Second Master Lan, and then as Hanguang-Jun, both very formal names. It’s not Lan Zhan anymore—there is no familiarity on Wei Wuxian’s part. I think part of that is his attempt to protect Lan Wangji from any association with him that might actually harm Lan Wangji and his reputation. He’s setting a boundary—a wall—between them. And then when Lan Wangji bites back, Wei Wuxian changes tack: he stars being informal with him again, he brings up how they were good friends, classmates, etc. But that’s not going to work because Lan Wangji is feeling pretty upset right now.

Lan Wangji is desperate, scared, and worried for Wei Wuxian. Sometimes when we’re feeling all that, it can come across as anger, and that becomes worse when someone is dismissive of those feelings. Wei Wuxian is definitely dismissive here. In their interactions, Lan Wangji rarely shows this much emotion, and instead of paying attention to that, Wei Wuxian brushes it off. Jiang Cheng shows that he cares by hugging Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji is different—he’s thinking ahead, he’s seeing what Wei Wuxian has started to mess with—demonic cultivation—which can destroy a person’s mind, and he’s terrified. His only thought is to take Wei Wuxian away and try to change him for the better. Of course, just like what his father did to his mother, this cannot work. Even if Lan Wangji manages to force Wei Wuxian to come with him, he won’t be able to control him. All Lan Wangji can really do is try to persuade him.

The intensity of Lan Wangji’s gaze here is something else. This is a man who is desperate to save the person he loves. He is really looking out for Wei Wuxian’s best interests here and is getting no support from Jiang Cheng. I don’t really know what’s going on in Jiang Cheng’s head right now, but he’s definitely finding Lan Wangji’s behavior offensive. He doesn’t understand that Wei Wuxian’s actions will lead to his ultimate destruction, while it is very clear to Lan Wangji. But all I can do here is bring up how they viewed the person who was killing all the Wens earlier, before they even knew who it was. Lan Wangji felt very unnerved by it: he was disturbed by the talismans and disturbed by the various manners of death, while Jiang Cheng’s stance always was that it didn’t matter because the person was clearly on the same side—a dead Wen is a dead Wen no matter who is behind it. And his opinion doesn’t change even after he finds out. It’s not important to him how Wei Wuxian was able to kill all those people. He asks the questions, but he isn’t interested in really hearing the answer. On the contrary, I think Lan Wangji is very interested in those answers, but he wants to hear about it in a controlled environment. He doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to go back to Yunmeng, where he will essentially live with free-rein without boundaries.

As for cinematography, I love how Wei Wuxian holds up his flute here, setting up a literal boundary between him and Lan Wangji. Not only do you have Jiang Cheng creating that wall with his sword, you also have Wei Wuxian. What I mean is, it’s not only Jiang Cheng who wants to keep Lan Wangji out. Wei Wuxian is drawing a line here too: he wants Lan Wangji to stay out of his business. And this morphs into, what happens at this place is not Gusu Lans’ business—it only concerns Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

We all know Wei Wuxian is an arrogant person, but his arrogance and ignorance here is truly stunning. Lan Wangji tells him point-blank that he won’t be able to control this energy if he uses demonic cultivation, and Wei Wuxian does everything but laugh at him. I enjoy this and I hate it at the same time, because Lan Wangji is just fucking worried, you know? And maybe he doesn’t express himself well, but he’s shocked to see Wei Wuxian here, shocked that he’s responsible for all this—he can’t stay calm and collected under these conditions.

In just a few minutes, Wei Wuxian says that he and Lan Wangji are good friends and that Lan Wangji should treat him better, as well as “Who do you think you are? What I do is none of your business.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist. This scene here, with their faces so close to each other, kills me. This is absolute betrayal for Lan Wangji. It’s as if everything they had built together—all the respect, the affection, the comradery—is gone. The Wei Wuxian that he knew is gone.

I love the way this shot is framed, with Wei Wuxian staring after Lan Wangji, and then Wen Chao pleading, “Forgive me, forgive me.” So apt, because I think Wei Wuxian does feel bad here, I think he feels guilty. I think part of him really missed Lan Wangji and wanted to see him. I think he even knows that what Lan Wangji is doing is out of concern for him over anything else. But I also think Wei Wuxian’s pride gets in the way of that, and his desire for revenge, and even his desire for things to go back to normal. More than anything, Wei Wuxian wants to return to Yunmeng, to his shijie, to be able to live normally again, whatever that really means, because of course everything has changed. Nothing will ever be as it was again. More importantly, he has changed, and can never go back to the person he was before, the person who played so hard, the person who shirked his responsibilities and fooled around in classes, the person who shamelessly teased and flirted with Lan Wangji. That Wei Wuxian is gone. I think Wei Wuxian knows he’s hurt Lan Wangji and does feel bad about it, but he knows he has to push him away to protect him. He doesn’t want to drag Lan Wangji down with him, he feels it’s better this way. And I think, even though CQL!Wei Wuxian does have feelings for Lan Wangji quite a bit earlier than in the book, you can see the one-sided love here, in Lan Wangji’s aggressive behavior as he attempts to save this person he loves. Lan Wangji isn’t willing to give up on him, whereas Wei Wuxian is more prepared to let him go—to push him away to protect him. That’s love too, I suppose, but it’s a love that is meant to be from afar—a sad love, not a passionate one, not a desperate one, not the one that Lan Wangji feels for him.

This is so heartbreaking for Lan Wangji, in part, because they had such a special relationship before. Prior to this, Wei Wuxian prided himself in that he and Lan Wangji went on night hunts together—the clan didn’t matter, whether that was unorthodox or not. And now to see him use his clan as a barrier between them…it’s quite a betrayal. Lan Wangji feels so hurt, so at a loss—he wonders what could he have done differently to prevent this, he blames himself.

This is one of my favorite episodes because of this reunion scene. What you expect is some great reunion, the hugging between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, maybe a smile from Lan Wangji because he’s really happy to see him. But instead, you get pain. You get a Jiang Cheng hugging Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian not even returning the hug (he only raises his arm to signal that he wants to break apart). You get a heated confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, one that is “fondly” thought of as their break-up scene. I love the drama, I love the pain, I love the angst, I love the dichotomy between Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan, I love that this is the start of more tension between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, I love everything about it. The “us and them” dynamic that starts here is so great, and then to see it slowly unravel throughout the next ten episodes, to see Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s relationship fall apart, while Wei Wuxian’s and Lan Wangji’s relationship begins to strengthen again--I eat it up. It’s like my candy. Anyway, I’m excited for what’s to come, excited to talk more wangxian and how it compares to the book (from my dwindling knowledge, that is)! Happy that you all are coming along this ride with me!

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