#he can talk all the trash he wants to
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“The way this man just loves so much” YES!!!! THANK YOU!!! Matthew seems like such a sweet and caring person off ice. He would be the nicest and best boyfriend and be so loving and supportive, ugh. He would also be fantastic in the bedroom and make sure you get off before he does at least twice
I am all here for the soft romantic thirst as well because yes I will never shut up about Matthew Tkachuk.
I repeat: this man just has so much love in him, like there is so much evidence of this. So with a partner. He's going all out. And in bed? He's definitely going all out.
Like his head would not move from between your thighs until you were almost begging him to stop. He really strikes me as the type of guy where getting you off is what gets him off. Like knowing that you are completely satisfied is what turns him on.
#sleepover night#he's a simp and a softie i know it in my bones#he can talk all the trash he wants to#and get into all the fights he wants to on the ice#I'm not changing my opinion
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so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!
with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#on this installment of things nobody asked but i'm going to talk about anyway#disclaimer that this is mostly a joke please don't get mad at me#(legit no shade to anyone) (speculation is one of the fun things about an ongoing fandom and you never know what'll turn out to be true!)#more seriously i do think there may be some connection that just isn't clear yet#but the more little breadcrumbs we get about what revaan was like the more i think crowley just doesn't act like him#i adore crowley don't get me wrong#(yes he's a dipshit. this is a feature not a bug.)#but like.#not to harp on the scene about lilia's nrc invitation (i am absolutely going to harp on it)#i do not believe that crowley would go through the trash to fish out the pieces and put them back together and save them#just because it was lilia's. just because lilia might want it again someday.#crowley can ✨yasashii✨ all he wants but we know what he's like#and i REALLY do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him. i didn't believe it before and i extra don't believe it now.#then again i do tend to be incredibly off about speculation so! who knows! i will trust the writing for now!#i do 100% believe that meleanor would fall in love with the world's biggest dumbass and then double down super hard. that part tracks.#that said i have decided that ambrose being revaan is actually the funnier option just because it would make crowley SO mad#it wouldn't make sense for him to be mad about it and that would just make him madder
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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Saw a comment describe killugon as 'born to be brothers, forced to be best friends'.
And I just have to say that, out of all the things that have never happened, that has never happened the most.
#if y'all look at your siblings that are within your age group with THIS level of heart eyes know that im actually concerned#i say within your age group because i totally get being 'smitten' with your baby sibling#im six and a half years older than the little fucker contaminating my room and i too look at him with pure adoration sometimes#but that's beside the point#because even then trust that i do not refer to him as my light nor do i wear a lovesick expression every time he crosses my mind#most of the time actually he's an annoying bug i want to squash. like when he greets me with 'hello you stupid piece of trash'.#like boy don't you doubt my willingness to beat you up if you don't behave yourself istg#okay enough my little brother has taken over my sacred tags#anyway what im saying is that these bitches are head over heals in love. they have the fattest crushes on each other.#you know how i know? because i WATCHED THE SHOW#their relationship is so far from brotherly it's insane how you even came to this conclusion#real talk though#obviously yall can interpret aspects of a story like characters themes relationships etc differently and ofc your opinion is valid#blah blah blah#all that crap#but don't expect me to take anyone who says this with their whole chest too seriously#because if you look at kg aka two adolescents that invented the term puppy love but also im-wholeheartedly-devoted-to-you and see brotherly#then i can't help you atp bro you're on your own with this one 😭#killugon#killua zoldyck#gon freecss#hxh#hunter x hunter#my little brother#gotta add him he played a key role in these tags
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it's telling how people's best argument against cooper and lucy being set up as father and daughter in season 2 is just "she's an adult" like... and??? how the actual fuck does that stop anyone from creating familial bonds with other people, including relationships of parental figures, because must i remind you cooper IS even without the ghoul thing old enough to be her father. Seriously tell me how a romantic relationship of someone who must be 20 at most with a man in his eternal mid 50s makes more sense than a parental one which btw is already backed up by their narrative: lucy in search of her father who she grew delusional with and cooper looking for his daughter who may or may not be alive.
#y'all can come for my posts all you want you're still weird as fuck#fallout#not even mentioning how he's still very much in love with his wife#im not talking about max because honestly that romance was just trash and i hope both move on#lucy maclean#cooper howard#anti ghoulcy#i guess
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Me every time I see I don't care so long as he's kissing Will takes being held as superior for their supposed "neutrality" knowing damn well that even on the supposedly 'better at catching what the DB are doing' side of fandom a lot of people don't actually give af if Mike Wheeler has nuance, depth or personality (bc he's easier to project their I identify with Will & he deservers happiness idealizing that way):
#I'm sorry I'm just. ANNOYED.#'i can't believe people just gloss over Mike's wants to keep him in a relationship' the call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE#so long as their fave gets the boy it doesn't matter. and yet they don't realize how they are exactly the same as people they shit talk#people say the same EXACT shit about El 'being happy? to trash bylr??? how do you not realize this??#and then having the audacity to get mad at people who intentionally parse through Mike for himself and give HIS actions reasoning. like?#you can dislike the boy all you want but let's not pretend you don't use him as a stand in for whatever personality you like#because you don't have the capacity to believe he has his OWN wants desires needs and motivations OUTSIDE of Will OR El smh#the me tag
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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Every time I see advertisements for the third season of Bridgerton I'm forever thankful I gave up that liberal covid escapism show after season 2 when I realized that we were actually supposed to be rooting for the main character who exposed a black pregnant teenager and a feminist activist, and that there would be no lasting consequence for that because this show is really all about preserving social order and maintaining the nuclear family. why look at class segregation when you can look at these shirtless colonizers.
#bridgerton#marina thompson#eloise bridgerton#r.i.p. marina you were my favourite 😭#it's kind of shocking how i used to talk to my family about this show and they're like oh yeah i really like penelope#i didn't like marina and eloise penelope was right to do what she did 👀👀👀#like the social order and nuclear family ideals are really that embedded into us and then we wonder why the tradwife trend is#suddenly gaining popularity#also eloise the lesbian coded character looks doomed to marry that guy who wants someone to take care of his kids so he can plant all day#the show's messaging paints any attempts other than being a virgin and marrying the socially acceptable way as a futile endeavor#colourblindness and centrism- the show at its' core#man i must have been really starved for content during quarantine because like what was i thinking how did i like this trash??? 😭
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I HATE MY ROOMMATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#this is the only safe space for me to say it#bc everyone else can see on my other socials#she’s a slob#she asks me to take the trash out yet can never do it herself#whines about her medical issues yet I can pinpoint exact lifestyle choices she could make in order to make them go away#yet she won’t do it#just wants people to coddle her and feel bad for her#and I’m not giving her that#woke me up when I was trying to sleep in bc she was talking on the phone#like do what I do and go in the hallway#also let the microwave go off#so the beeping didn’t help#comes in super late every night#complains about her life in general yet puts no effort in whatsoever#takes advantage of her boyfriend#aka my friend#and both me and my other friend have noticed that he’s now just a shell of who he used to be#bc now she’s with him 24/7#and all the while she wants people to handhold her but wants to get into medical school#yet can’t even handle her first semester of undergrad#goodbye#she acts like she has it so hard meanwhile I have a minor a job clubs and am actually participating in my other stuff#unlike SOMEONE I know#then when I’m trying to sleep#has her brightness up in the dark#or comes in with her flashlight all the way on#and is playing videos#let me sleep#bc I have to be at work for 7am#and my day doesn’t end until 10pm
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Sims 2 CC Mega Post
I say 'mega' but there really isn't a whole lot, I just didn't wanna split it up. Anyway, yeah, I mostly and normally and prefer to make Sims 4 stuff, but I made some Sims 2 stuff for me last year and this and I figured, may as well share it. Most of these require outside meshes so keep that in mind, Sims 2 CC downloading is a bloody nightmare.
Alex Skin
So I made a custom skin with tattoos for Alex as it seemed simple enough to do. Ain't gonna look perfect, but it looks fine from a distance, same resources I used for my Sims 4 versions, so I did vector the rose and skull. I based the skin off these default replacements. You don't NEED these, but they make it so that everyone matches. Yes that site requires an account and login, it's NSFW, it has body hair and works with nudity. Because obviously I play with mods like that. I made the skin look right for Fit/Thin/Fat but I didn't bother with any age but adult nor did I bother with female, because, idc. I THINK this is Alex's hair mesh, but idfk, I have so many that look like this.
It also works in Castaway Stories, as does all of these, because I used them in it too. :> That made Alex the palest guy on the island as all the skin tones in Castaway Stories were shifted to one tone darker per. I manually put my replacement skin in that too, but I didn't have the darkest, so no body hair to them.
Streaked Jack Hair
You need this mesh to make this work. I made this for myself as I didn't really like anything else I had for him, and this is Sims 2, so I went with earlier hair, and I liked how this mesh looked. Loosely based on like this hair. I didn't bother with other ages beyond adult again. I would have if I decided to de-age him and send him to university, but I did that with Otto instead.
Again also works in Castaway Stories, as I used it, again. It's easy to import Sim's faces from 2 into the stories games.
Awsten Tricolor Hair
Awsten Red Hair
You need this mesh to make this work. The bright green in that is also great and I used that for him at first. These are his eyes too, or rather his right eye. No screenshots of the red hair, but it's just a bright plain red in case you prefer it. I made this hair as it looked okay with the colors kind of being randomly spread around the mesh. This is his outfit btw. Again only works with adult as far as I'm aware.
BONER Shirt
R&R Shirt
NoRegRetsShirt
JALEXShirt
BMTHShirt1
BMTHShirt2
BMTHShirt3
BMTHShirt4
You need this mesh to make these work. All of these are Everyday fashion only by account of only the Everyday category having the option for separates and these are all tops. Don't ask me what pants I use, I have so many downloaded, but these work with all of them.
As it turns out I didn't take screenshots of all of these ingame, but maybe these help with that.
PTV Hoodie
DropDead Hoodie
You need this mesh for the PTV hoodie. I don't THINK the DD hoodie needs anything external, I compared it to a vanilla mesh and it seemed to line up. I don't know, I made it last December and I didn't log everything I did. Like the shirts above, Everyday category only as they are tops.
As a bonus, here's some misc Sims 2 screenshots to hit the image limit, including this stuff and with no context to my game. I know most people on modern computers play with The Ultimate Collection, but I installed it via discs, and a few ISOs as I didn't feel like spending $30+ for a few missing stuff packs on eBay. :) Pretty sure those ISOs are why my game is British and I have to always manually set the clock and a few other small things every time I load it. Not a big deal to me, just felt I'd mention for clarity. Castaway Stories is from an ISO too as have you SEEN those prices on eBay?! I have Sims 3 on Disc too, 100%, never made any CC for it tho. I love how Sims 2 was out at the peak of, ahem, mid to late 2000s culture so a lot of CC for it is of it's time in the best possible way. I kept this theme going with adding in custom music that ONLY existed from before 2009 (so 2008 is my cut-off date) and it's fun only hearing music of the era ingame. :) I DID make stuff for Sims 1 too years ago but I don't know how I even really did it so idk how to make more and also I don't care that much. I wanted to try playing with Alex and Jack in Sims 1 too but I kept getting fucked up files that didn't work or look right and I didn't know what I needed to do to make it right and I didn't wanna waste more time than I already did trying to make their faces. I do have semi-not ugly faces and outfits for a couple others tho.
Oh yeah, all this stuff is made in the Body Shop and GIMP for textures.
Whole SimFileShare Folder
#sims 2#sims 2 cc#ts2#ts2cc#sims 2 download#sims 2 cas#alex gaskarth#awsten knight#jack barakat#bring me the horizon#pierce the veil#Sims 2 is chaos and drama and no one attracts chaos and drama in my game like Alex and Jack do#Their house is a haven for enemies to come by and steal their newspaper knock over their trash can and pick fights#So the yard is often a biohazard of trash and inside isn't much better as both of them are slobs and Jack is lazy#Also they're engaged to each other despite both their aspirations hating commitment go figure#Jack did it I didn't they just somehow decided to accept despite getting negative memories for it lmao#Alex is a crybaby who's hard to satisfy and Jack just wants to make out and woohoo he's a lot easier#But they both have a lot of enemies who they fight a lot especially Jack as it feels like no one like pranks in this game#And I use him to attack Sims who are mean to Alex a lot too as Alex gets a lot of shit from townies for some reason#Awsten likes them as he likes to eat trash and also he's a werewolf and he just doesn't seem to care about much of anything#I had a case where Rian kept coming over and inviting himself in to make out and woohoo with Alex while beating up Jack#Now I got Jack and Rian to kinda get along but Rian is grumpy and it doesn't take much from Jack to set him off#Otto also hates Alex and likes Jack but again drama drama drama#I totally get why Sims 2 was really popular with middle aged moms in its heyday its like a soap opera#Geoff exists too as a werewolf as he wanted to be one and I just used him to turn Awsten as well#I brought Awsten and Geoff on vacation with Alex and Jack as I wanted to meet Bigfoot and have Jack flirt with him#But I needed mods to do that grrr#Also Alex got pregnant on that vacation but we don't have to talk about that it made him very difficult to work with#But he kind of already is a little bitch all the time anyway#sims castaway stories
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...is it that obvious?
#Yuta: motherfucker it is painfully obvious. that old lady across the street literally just yelled “I hope things work out for you”#Gen: she was talking to me?#Yuta: my brother in pining she was talking to all of us.#Naruto: hey have u seen a guy named Sasuke around?? he has spiky black hair like dark as the night sky n the face of an angel n his waist-#Akutagawa: I swear to god Naruto if you don't shut the fuck up#Gen: can we stop at the national observatory on the way? I need to pick up some stuff at the gift shop#Yuta: idk I gotta hit up the flower shop before it closes#Naruto: do u think Sasuke would want flowers today? he always throws them in the trash but it's the thought that counts... right?#Yuta: shut the FUCK up Naruto#Gen: it'll be quick I pre-ordered everything#Akutagawa: you can pre-order stuff from an observatory?#Gen: well I can I'm a regular. the cashiers & managers & even the security guards all know me#Yuta: well we don't have all day. Ryu and I also gotta stop by the hospital for bandages#Gen: why don't you just go to a pharmacy?#Akatugawa: it's the only place we can get them in bulk#Gen: ... I'm not even gonna ask#Yuta: do I look like I care?#Naruto: Sasuke cares about me... right?#Yuta & Akutagawa in unison: SHUT THE FUCK UP NARUTO#Naruto: ...everything reminds me of Sasuke...#Gen: actually i think i saw the guy ur talking about all the way at the end of the feild#*Naruto already running through the feild*: SASUKEEEE#*Gen jumping in car*: I lied so u better step on it#Akutagawa: ... everything reminds me of Dazai...#naruto#bungo stray dogs#dr stone#yuta okkotsu#get in loser#quick
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I JUST REWATCHED PIWON MOVIE AND I HAVE THINGS TO SAY
#okay first of all THEY DEBUTED WITH A MOVIE !!!! that's so crazy every time i think about it im like woooow#jongseob and intak acting debut when ???? they were sooo good omg unlike kyo i didn't remember how bad he was 😭😭 but his#character is hilarious so it's fine <3 ALSO i completely forgot yoo jaesuk and jung haein are in it like guysss what are u doing here hihi#anyways absolutely oscar worthy real cinema if u ask me#now after taking notes and watching the new trailer a few times i think that p1epi is actually chaeyoons weird talking plushie#but since it's away from her it can't talk so that's why jongseob create that thingy to translate from#dog language to human language and i think it's there because maybe the members got like lost in time and#it wants to remind them that they have to save the entire world from the apocalypse#also p1epi came down from the sky just like the alcot meteor like ummm yes we love symbolism 🙂↕️#i saw someone saying the dog it's actually intak because the dog came through the window and intak wakes up next to one but it doesn't make#any sense to me so we're throwing that idea in the trash can#talking about intak hes now has blue eyes so that means he got infected but honestly when did that happen while he was fighting#some zombie? idk i think i have to watch all their mvs again for clues but what that means he's one of the bad guy now??#also i may be insane but what if the shop represents the world and seeing it in flames means the members couldn't save it and their lore#ends with the saddest ending ever like yeah sorry the apocalypse won#OR WHAT IF !!!!! they aren't the ones who can save the world they actually are the reason why it's ending like the masked ghost#actually created them to spread the virus and that would also explain them at the end of the trailer looking#at the burning shop without doing anything like they ARE alcot the meteor thats gonna destroy the world#but that would be too dark i know they're the heroes so it will have a happy ending#i have many theories but im starting to scare myself so ill shut up#pt
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landlords are so fucking evil because wdym some random dude might decide i deserve to end up homeless because my room isn't clean enough in his stupid opinion
#i have worked on it a lot all week but it's a project and i have Work and Mental Health Issues so like.#i can only make so much progress in that amount of time#for the record the first time they complained it was NOT even that bad i don't rlly understand what he was on about#like he sent a text saying to be sure food is always sealed and never let out#i have no idea wtf he was talking about because i don't... leave food out let alone unsealed???#like there was nothing. that fit this description.#he was also like take the trash out and i DO?!#there was clutter and that was like... it...?#sure that is not great and i have wanted to work on it for awhile and have been doing so#but it's not like... a health hazard!!!
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I love Monkie kid and the way they tell stories but oh my GODS this unreliable narrator stuff starting to stress me out
(Note: i've only seen up to ses 4 ep 8 no spoilers in the tags please)
#knox rambles#LOVE THE SHOW#BUT ALL THIS 'THIS IS WHAT HAPPENDED' BUT ITS NOT ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED IS STRESSING ME#CAN WE GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER FOR ONCE#ALL WE'VE GOT IS UNRELIABLE NARRATORS WHO TALK TRASH ABOUT MONKEY KING#EVERY TIME I TRY AND COME UP WITH A THEORY I HAVE TO CHECK WHO SAID THE THING IM BASING IT OFF OF TO SEE IF ITS PLAUSABLE OR NOT#AND HECK NO MATTER WHO SAYS IT YOU CANT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY#I JUST WANT A STRAIGHT ANSWERRRRRR#WE HAVE LIKE NEVER GOT ONE AND NOW THAT WE'RE INTO LORE ABOUT MONKEY KING ITS STRESSING MEEEEE#LIKE AZURE (spoilers for ep 8) MAKES IT SOUND LIKE WUKONG NEVER GOT THE MOUNTAIN OR RAN INTO BUDDAH#AND ITS POSSIBLE HE DOESNT KNOW BUT ITS ALSO POSSIBLE THEY JUST TOOK THOSE BITS OUT#BUT THERES NO WAY TO ACTUALLY TELL#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i mean whatever the outcome im not gonna stop writing monkey king with his usual furnace buddah mountain stuff#just gotta add on him being low-key used by azure and fun stuff HDHDHFHHFG#also heck off topic suddenly but thinking suddenly about how Azure and Macaques perspectives of monkey king are opposites#FACINATING#mac: hes selfish he only cares about himself get out while you can he always wins and gets what he wants and leaves you behind#azure: hes selfless hes great he cares so much about his people and puts them before himself but he failed and keeps failing#azure: he doesnt know what hes doing#mac: he knows exactly what hes doing#SORRY SUCH A SIDE BAR THERE I MIGHT MAKE AN ACTUAL POST ABOUT IT LATER GOOD DAY
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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gets no romantic attention: i want to kill myself
gets romantic attention: i want to kill myself more
#the way this guy pops up in my life every 2 years since i was 16 is astrologically comical bc its always at the worst times#like id LOVE to finally try myself out in a relationship and i deff want to focus on this once im through all the uni and job shit#but please ANYONE but him ANYONE but someone i actually think highly of and someone who deff over romanticizes me in his head for sooo long#bc i know bc ive been told bc i can SEE it#like dude im nothing like the person who knew years ago!!! im trash!!! and im fine with that but you wouldnt be#anyway this year he saw me on the tram i guess#WHEN I WAS UGLY!!!! and crying a bit i guess#and he just haaad to let me know today of all days when im 5 days and 21 pages away from my thesis submission#i want to ghost him so bad i dont want to talk to him i dont want to date him id rather fling myself off the balcony#than to disappoint him#but i also dont want to hurt him??#anyway#someone sedate me
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