#he better stay around the whole time
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Colin played a part in bringing Daphne and Simon together by virtue of speaking with Daphne and telling her about the duel, then also pushed Anthony and Kate together during the Pall Mall game, leading to them having a genuine moment away from prying eyes. And in his own love story, he was the one who took actions and pursued Penelope, he only needed a little nudge from his mother and later Kate, but he embraced his story with open arms. He's always been Eros, and I do hope he continues to be for future seasons, nudging the next leads into the right direction. Just a lover boy, who wants all his siblings to experience the same kind of love.
Edit: Also in both instances he willingly broke society rules to get them together. Women were not permitted on duel grounds and he still escorted Daphne to it. And of course an unmarried lady and a gentleman should never be alone without a chaperone even if one of them is considered a spinster and yet he used Anthony's and Kate's competitiveness to his advantage to force them alone. And I don't think I need to list all the ways he broke society rules with Penelope lol
#bridgerton#bridgerton thoughts#colin bridgerton#star.txt#i love him so much ok#he better stay around the whole time#i need his ass with gregory on that tree
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Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).
Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?
This is fine
#This is not fine#Warning: Long tags ahead (2 topics)#TOPIC 1:#I'm glad Isaac feels safe enough to be reading this book and processing emotions around his friends#That's the positive spin on “he's quietly dealing with a lot while next to his friends and they're not noticing and he's not sharing" right#The contrast of this with the happy friend-bonding montage time feels purposeful and sad (esp. with lyrics about staying in the closet)#but on the bright side this is in the midst of happy friend-bonding montage time so we also see them having happy bonding times together#- showing the friendship is still strong even if right now Isaac isn't wholly known or fully fitting#Hopefully this is leading to Isaac telling his friends what he's going through in S3 and the friendships adapting to fit him better#TOPIC 2:#Also - don't think it's unintentional that where the camera focus shifts to is Nick with his arms around Charlie and then kissing his head#I think we're being purposefully distracted from Isaac with allo 'cuteness'#Because what the other characters often get swept up in - especially as they all couple up in S2 - is alloromantic/allosexual interactions#And that's frequently what the world prioritises or cares more about too#I think the show is intentionally calling everyone - from the characters to us watching them to the whole world - out#So that hopefully we (general) can all be more aware and do better#[In case you were wondering this N&C/Isaac scene is also right after we see short clips of Elle & Tao and Tara & Darcy cuddling -#which also seems very intentional: Isaac - sandwiched in between views of cuddling couples - alone in more ways than one]#CONCLUSION:#I think everything is working together to highlight the contrast between what N&C and Isaac are respectively experiencing in this moment#Did I mention this is not fine?#It is well done though#heartstopper mini moment#isaac henderson#aroace#aromantic asexual#lgbtqia+#queer#taylor swift#seven
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NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE // LET ME WRAP DOWN TO MY SKELETON
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#art#art:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearart#blood //#a fully rendered piece? on my blog?? more likely than you think. apparently#anyway hi hello sorry if this is not your cup of tea feel free to ignore LMAO i just needed to get this out of my system#have been spinning the evil within around in my brain at incredibly high speeds again so. nathan time. he is so fun#i think his design is the one design that has stayed the most consistent over the years. he is a very very old oc#just added some extra details to his skin and eyebrow and lashes to match the rest of his appearance a little better + made his hair curlie#he joins the story of the games in the second game!! and then in classic bones quickhacked fashion i also have like#a whole post-game story going on because basically i need ruvik to come back because he is mein meow meow. sorry#there's a lot of parallels between nathan and ruvik :3 giggles and dies in the explosion
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yes, i love mde. yes, its my favorite of the mafia trilogy. yes, i can say with 100% conviction that objectively… tommy is not an interesting character. for him to be the protagonist, he sure does have no depth to his character written in the game
#like even HE wasn’t free of mde giving everyone hints at a personality#yes he has siblings and a parents and came over from italy.. but then what? where are they? do they speak still?#if he was born in italy and stayed until he was nearly 5… how did he not retain any of it? his family would’ve HAD to have spoken italian#at home… it’s not like they would’ve KNOWN english already… and if then they then WHY?#and if they did then why?**#yes he’s caring and levelheaded and soft spoken#but why? who knows!#yes he’s friendly and naive#he trusts and he has fun and loves so so deeply… and yet ?#tommy mentions time and time again them just being unserious and messing around… why didn’t we get to see some of that?#why did we never get to see tommy on his nights out with paulie and/or sam ?#when it was SUCH a big part of tommy and paulie and sam being brothers….#it would’ve made TDOA so much more gut wrenching… it would’ve made the story SO much better…#or even like… seeing#him at home with sarah? his daughter he talked so fondly of?#I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO MAKE UP THE WHOLE ENTIRE PERSONALITY OF THE GAME’S PROTAGONIST ❗️#ugh . hangar 13 when i get my hands on you (threat)#mafia definitive edition#mafia the city of lost heaven#mde#tommy angelo#post: personal
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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Btw in all the chat about Dot & Bubble and racism has anyone like. acknowledged that it's kinda weird that in the series featuring the first ever Doctor of colour we have seen uhhhhh:
3 specials in which the new Black doctor appears at the end of the last one for like 5 minutes after being replaced with a previous (white) Doctor for the big event episodes (a thing that has never happened before)
3 regular episodes
Episode in which the Doctor is mostly tangential to the plot except as a bomb
2 extremely Doctor-lite episodes, which are a common feature of Doctor Who but are pretty much never stacked back to back
FOR THE AVOIDANCE OF DOUBT. I like all these things:
Russell T Davies' work on Doctor Who
Ncuti Gatwa's fucking masterful acting
Doctor-lite and companion-centric episodes (which honestly are some of the best New Who episodes. Turn Left? Human Nature?)
but. it is notable that this series - which I would consider so far to be 9 episodes in which Ncuti Gatwa has had a reasonable cut of screentime in like... MAYBE 4? - is a) by far the least Doctor-focused episode ratio that I've ever seen, b) the only one where an actor's actual onscreen regeneration has been pushed back by the return of an old actor, and is c) COINCIDENTALLY the first ever season starring a Black Doctor 🤔
(because like. this could be a coincidence. there are often Doctor-light episodes to give the actor a break, for plot reasons, etc)
(buuuuut. two in a row? and they're both genuine Doctor-light episodes, ie one which is Turn Left style where the Doctor only appears to bookend the episode and is otherwise taken out of the universe, and one which is Blink or Love and Monsters style where the Doctor only appears in brief bursts, on screen, through the episode, with one monologue near the end, while we follow another character around for the bulk of the time. I can't think of many series of New Who with 2 Doctor-lite episodes, especially not in the first half of a season. In Davies' original run there were what, 4 Doctor-lite episodes in 5 years (and that's IF you count Fathers Day which I kinda don't)? and we've had half that many in one season, back to back, only 4 episodes after we DIDN'T SEE THE NEW ACTOR FOR ALMOST 3 FULL SPECIALS?)
(and I do know that Gatwa had shooting commitments with Sex Education but the thing is. back to back in the first 5 episodes???? it's not a good look! it's just not! you don't have to shoot in series order, you can literally space them across the series if you need to work with his shooting schedule! like I am sure it's not intentional but COME ON.)
#red said#i have been SO HYPE FOR NCUTI GATWA and he is doing SUCH A GOOD JOB when he's on screen#i never expected to be the person saying 'i want more doctor-centric episodes' i have always felt that the show shouldn't revolve around hi#it is BETTER and STRONGER for episodes to largely focus on the less Time Lordy characters. a thing Davies has always done well.#buuuuut also like. kinda 6 (or 9) episodes into this season#i feel like i know a decent amount about Ruby but i really don't have much sense of the Doctor except in snippets#and i kinda just. want more.#and honestly i have been waiting SO LONG for them to cast a British actor of colour as the Doctor#and the whole stopoff with David Tennant kind of left a bad taste in my mouth because of that#fairly or unfairly like yeah you WILL get a Black Doctor but first we have to stop for the nostalgia tour of when the Doctor was a white ma#and i didn't dislike those specials. but i didn't like them enough for it to not feel like putting off Ncuti Gatwa to stay in the#'remember when Doctor Who was popular' zone#and so to follow that wait up so quickly with 2 back to back Doctor-lite episodes is. ok man it's sus.
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That was an eventful two days
#I had a better time at the Waterparks concert#Noah was great#buuuut#I was on the barricade#I had my cousin hold onto my spot while I grabbed some merch and he didn’t hold onto the barricade so when I got back there were like three#rows of people in front of me#tall people too#and I got a ticket for my friend who wound not being able to go#and my brother who took us didn’t wanna go so I completely wasted $25 on a ticket#and it just Sucks that I spent so much money on ticket and got there super early just to be shoved way back when I LITERALLY had the front#there was this rude entitled lady who made everyone move for her son#he only knew tx2 but stayed up front the whole time#(she also took a spot right on the barricade too)#I was just really upset about how it didn’t go according to my plan and I kind of had a panic attack. like. a really fucking long one#and I had my vip bag + merch with me and everyone was stepping on it (no one was even playing?) and they fucked up my poster#but yeah I pretty much had a 2 hour long panic attack my ribs hurt now from hyperventilating (leaving the pit wouldn’t have helped)#the vip part was still good#I met Noah again he remembered me he did great it was just the people around me#oh I also like fucked up my knee#but that’s cause two concerts in a row hurt I think someone kinda accidentally kicked in a mosh pit and the first venue the ground had a#slight tilt to it. so it was kinda uncomfortable after a few hours#Waterparks#noahfinnce#concert#tx2#music
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why are the ao3 cannibalism and vore tags combined. who's in charge of that. i have a strongly worded letter to send them
#i don't waaaaant vore fics i want characters to eat each other not swallow each other whole :(((((#like especially with this ship can't you see that one slowly eating the other is so much sexier 😩😩😩#forcing him to stay alive too. through it. so he's just suffering. like in canon! but more physical and hands on!!!#*rolls up my sleeves* i have to do everything myself around here-#(...but i won't. at least for now.)#i wish i could get through these parts of the game again by actually playing rather than watching a playthrough :/#so i could get a better grasp on the characters and their voices and possibly actually write smth.#(which i can technically do by watching too but :/ it'll take longer + be less fun bc i have a harder time focusing on that sort of thing.)
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for all his misery and mopey nature i do think he likes and prefers being roadhog and wouldnt go back for anything. i think "feeling like mako" means feeling small and ashamed and weak in his mind and he hates it.
#i think one of the biggest reasons he gets genuinely mad at fish is when they do something#they look at him in that way or they say something or they just. be pathetic and sick. in a way that makes that little guilt and shame gnaw#at his heart again. that shitty feeling when you know you hurt somebody you care about. or when they look at him like theyre disgusted or#disappointed by what they see. i think it pisses him off to no end that they can make him feel so small and i think its one of the things#that makes him genuinely think that maybe he should just kill them and be done with it. its not like itd be hard#🐟#like. part of them learning how to exist around each other long term is that he has to break that thought pattern yk#seeing them be all sickly and instead of pity->guilt->shame->anger it shifts to pity->guilt->'do something about it'#where instead of getting on the whole 'i ruined the life of the only person who ever gave a fuck about me' train he just. tries to be nice#or as nice as he can manage. comforting and affectionate in his very clumsy and uncomfortable way. still not pretending to be a good person#and barely concealing that doing this makes him feel awful. but still like. just doing it anyways and eventually he just does it without#thinking about it. well most of the time i think he still gets stuck fairly often. its a process yk how it is#ftr i think fish resents this. they hate his pity they resent the idea that any of this is His Fault. fish voice i can fuck up on my own#and they especially resent when he is obviously going out of his way to be gentle with them or sweet to them. first of all because they hat#when he treats them like theyre fragile it makes them want to kill him but more importantly because they would really just prefer he be an#awful bastard forever so they can stay mad at him forever. its hard to keep a grudge when he feels bad about it and its hard to be so mad#when hes the only thing that really makes them feel better.
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sorry I could talk for hours. I've done an insane amount of character building w Isaiah over the years
#like ive padded elias and melanies families too#part of me has been hankering to explore elias character more 👁️👁️ lo has been talking about doing a better timeline for hunter#and my kneejerk was that it would be a timeline where melanie raises isaiah and kicks elias out#but if melanie never died i think elias would be a LOT happier#he would still have a lot of toxic tendencies bc of the way his moms and sisters baby him and never say no to him#but melanie is by far the more bullheaded of the two so she would whip his ass into shape i think#in a timeline where theyre still married and happy isaiah would have his aunties on the wells side in his life 😭😭😭😭😭#baby isaiah sitting in sawyers lap... shut up.....#i actually have a complete belief that if melanie was in his life theyd both be day drinkers together#like boy would be sipping with every meal just like his mom whos a silly drunk with a high tolerance#vs how elias rageful drinking makes him VERY stingy and self destructive around booze#like. melanie would be a huge positive impact but in a lot of ways she would probably nurture bad traits in isaiah#hed be a lot more selfish and nymphish and thats SAYING SOMETHING#a lot more dismissive of other peoples problems bc he doesnt feel desperate to be useful and whole by fixing other peoples issues#and would likewise out a lot less gravity into sleeping around bc he doesnt NEED to stay out of his house so hed have more fun w less care#which wouldnt rlly fly with the guys he usually ends up with 🤔 i wonder how it would change hunters influence in his life#hunter shaves his head in response to elias grabbing isaiah by it. that wouldnt happen! and he wouldnt have to spend sooo much time w ruben#who was his One And Only positive dad figure. that was a huge part of his life and influence!#then again melanie looooves hunters mom whos also around for this timeline so#they would both 👀 be spending a lot ofkf time in the reyes estate 👀#isaiah and gideons relationship would also be a lot better!#melanies obsessed w gideons moms (high femme and dad butch) and isaiah wouldn't be so violent as a kid#HMMMMMM.....#much to think about#so much of isaiahs personality was scultped by his dads abuse and the people he sought comfort in#his whole life would be restructured
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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#that post thats like i could fix him but as in i could write him better than the og plot#is ME with the totk plot#look....i love the game...truly and really.....but i would do the plot so differently#especially ecerything to do with ganondorf#and everything with the whole Zelda is going to be forever changed and loae herself when she becomes a dragon!its irreversible!!!!!!!#and then its magically reversible bc.....Reasons#look as painful as it would have been i think zelda shoud have stayed a dragon#i also think ganondorf should have stayed a dragon#saw a post that was like ganondorf upon becomeing a dragon shpukd have actually lost himself and just fuckin floated off#just be forever flying around hyrule like the other dragons bc hes no longer Ganondorf hes just a dragon now#the finality if the memory of zelda deciding to become a dragon and the emotional impact was just....ruined#also the dragons are immortal so why was dragondorf killable?#also everything with the fifth aage felt so rushed and crammed in#u get no time to spend really getting to know mineru its just here she is ok go fight ganondorf#like ok!!!!! i guess!!!!!!!#and sonia..... ganondorf sonia mineru all holding hands and in the middle it says deserved better#frankly i think rauru should have been evil or at best morally grey#also while i like the mystery that is connjured about the three dragons when u find out how dragons originate i really wish they had touched#upon who tf those three dragons were#like farosh gets the most attention in this game and its like...but why#also the lack of recognition of botw#llike okk ik the champions technically died 100 years ago so ur average hylian in totk has no idea#come on man...revalis only mention is an easily missable place name .........
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just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|
#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates#we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home#to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily.#i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing#*petcare#and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not#we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen#i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started#but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt#idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk#but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh#i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it#wasn't even really attainable but. shit.#i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not.#but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner#in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin#what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad.#but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month#i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway.#it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not.#he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate#for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she#didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got#myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways#at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to#help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really.#god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell.#but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.
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BTW during my nightly nap i had a dream abt horrortale sans...... it was sorta all over the place cause i fell asleep watching youtube so it affected the course of my dream a lot but i think it was something along the lines of him working someplace on the surface and saw me from afar semi-regularly and was like. really weirdly fixated on me. but he was totally nuts about it too like hed follow me around with the sole intention of trying to figure out WHY he was fixated on me and what id done to make it that way. like. obviously there was something mega suspicious about me since he couldnt get me out of his head and also he thought i was the one stalking HIM because i kept showing up in places he went to. like i remember he had some special quiet place near his work where hed go to watch a nearby lake and calm down (super cute) and it was way behind some bushes and shit so it was like a secret for him. but then he went there one day and i was there napping in the grass and he was like ok what the fuck. anyway all in all it was a good dream and i think thats sort of what hed be like, even just regular sans is like that too. also my appearance in this dream was that of my self insert which was neat and also there was a part where he was watching me in secret and i was stressed out and he saw me take my eyepatch off and stab myself in the fucking eye over and over again and he was like. woah Thats just like when i pick my broken eyesocket....... and it was like a whole thing. lmfao
#cherry chats#bf (bone friend)#long and jumbled ass post but whatever it was a dream so it was pretty messy already#another fun thing was that at times hed see me pass by his workplace and he would be dead set on following me#so hed just up and leave. not even on break or anything like he just Left#and if any of his human coworkers tried to stop him he would literally grab them and break their arms#like. they reach out a hand he grabs it and just fucking crushes it#like that scene in from dawn til dusk. if anyone remembers that.#and that was like a regular thing. dunno how he didnt get fired but it was funny as hell#in fact i think he even regularly crushed peoples fucking skulls with his huge hands too#he would leave to follow me around like a huge weird creep and if anyone tried to get him to stay he grabbed their head and crushed it#like. completely silent and nonchalant and still on his way out.enriuhgeruihgwg9prodgboirdhfg#anyway. it was cool i fucknig love that freak#and i also love my self insert a whole bunch. theyre also fucking weird#i wonder if i should make that eye stabbing when stressed thing an actual habit of theirs.....?#itd be cool and a fun parallel between sans' eye picking habit#but also the eyepatch is based off of my eyesight being garbage on my right eye#and at one point the eye doctor said i might have to get an eyepatch on my LEFT eye (the good one) so the bad one could get better#so if im realistic then my s/i would have one functioning eye thats covered by their eyepatch and then one shitty eye#but the eyepatch is also bloody. maybe i should just let myself be edgy and say the doctors removed their eye or something LOL#aaarghhh. i love horrortale so much. fuck
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I have obtained a new oc and in the process I've already signed myself up for needing to make at least 3 new ocs for his story which he now has despite me initially Intending for him to be a side character for a different side character to hang out with. My townhouse has over 200 characters on it.
#rat rambles#oc posting#he doesn't have an official name yet but he is my silly billy and I love him#also take every him with an asterisk again he's like super new (I just got him today)#although several elements of his story so far have been things Ive been wanting to do for a while so thats a part of why I have so many#ideas for him already since its some stuff I've been wanting to play around with for a while#the real reason he has a chokehold on me rn is that I tripped and made him my 500 thousanth character with identity issues#I <3 characters with a fucked up relationship with their sense of self and what it even means to be themself#oh hes also a magic cat world character because thats what like 90% of my ocs are from at this point lol#and another goop related guy but this time not directly related to every other goop guy#he doesnt interact with any of them or even know most of them exist#long story short hes a robot who used to not be a robot but remembers nothing abt his life before he turned himself into a robot#all he has as reference is a mostly ruined journal his past self kept that is almost entirely unreadable due to it getting soaked in goop#he knows that this was self inflicted and his approximate age but that's abt it in terms of useful information#early story is mostly just him traveling alone trying to see if anyone nearby knows who he is but after going through like 5 or so towns he#starts to get more worried and upset about the whole situation and starts trying to look into some different missing person reports in#hopes that he can find one of himself#he runs out of the savings he had on him pretty quickly though so he had to figure out how to stay afloat while doing his research#'luckily' he meets a man while looking into one case he found who was willing to let him stick around at his place while looking into it#this guy had some investment in these dissapearances because he suspected that they related to his father and hoped to find any sort of#window in what he was up to since he hadnt seen him since he ran away at around 17#spoilers his dad is cake this is still connected to cake nonsense because everything in this world fucking does but the main boy himself#actually has no ties to cake or his activities so thats smth at least#but yeah long story short things get. real bad for my boy after the first few months of staying at this guy's place.#yknow how risa in the future was often used as a weapon of war using some unstable chemicals? yeah guess where that started.#mr daddy issue haver over here may understand that his dad is a bad person but evidently that doesnt stop him from being not much better#currently Im planning on having main boy escape eventually and get stuck in the non magic world where he meets april but that could change#it depends on if I want him to interact with the other stories going on at all or not#I probably wont but I would like to leave myself some wiggle room to let him meet more side characters#like (looks with big sad wet eyes) ginger maybe? please? please april? let me see your sister? that you havent seen in years? please?
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