#he also keeps calling me a fucking zoomer

[j1ngi]

cis male yakuza fans are so fucking weird man

i'm talking to this one dude and a couple days ago i sent him a pic of kiryu and he fr replied "i wish i was him. he's such a boss"

and today i told him about goromi (he has played all the games but apparently he had forgotten about goromi??? that shit broke my heart) and i wrote a paragraph about how i need her biblically and he replied "that's a lot hahaha you're silly"

YOU DONT GET IIITTTTT you do not understand the bond between a mentally ill t-boy and his geriatric pookies ! man fuck you

[solarbird]

The long arc of Boomer politics, of resistance, and what Millennials & Zoomers can win starting now

Yesterday, I wrote – mostly to GenX, but also to Millennials and Zoomers – about holding the line one more time. In that post, I talked a little about how some of us have been doing that job this long in order to keep some semblance of a Republic until the cavalry – in the form of a group larger than the Baby Boom – could show up, and still have the tools to take power peacefully, and in a timely fashion.

Today I’m writing for Millennials and for Zoomers. I’m going to expand on yesterday, talk about history, talk about why politics have been as they’ve been in ways you maybe haven’t heard before, and I’m going to talk about the massive opportunity you have now to change this fucking game.

But I have to talk about history first. There’s context, and you need it.

Most of you reading this have never seen actual Generation X politics. Unless you’re from Seattle, or the greater Seattle area, you definitely never have. You’ve only seen Baby Boom politics. What you’re seeing now is still Baby Boom politics, the underlying dynamic unchanging and now crystalised, ritualised, and radicalised over the decades since they took power.

That’s happened in part because the Baby Boom never wanted to talk to anyone else, and didn’t have to. They had a saying – “don’t trust anyone over 30” – that inverted and became “don’t trust anyone under 30″ the moment they hit their 30s. As a group, they’ve despised everyone younger than them my entire life, writing early on that GenX was either “a generation of Darwinesque hyper-predators” (fun stuff if you’re 12) or “useless lazy slackers incapable of achievement” from the very beginning. Most of the time it manifests as simply being locked out and ignored, but I’ve had that raw generational contempt thrown directly at me, more than once – even here in Seattle.

But the thing about Seattle is… we outnumber them here. It’s the only place in the US where we outnumber them. They’ve had to deal with other people, whether they liked it or not. Because of that, they couldn’t really lock into that inward-facing self-reinforcing spiral. They had reality checks and external feedback they had to grapple with, and so… their politics stayed way, way more normal.

So if you want to know what Generation X politics would’ve looked like in a more traditional American pattern, where each generation is larger than the previous – hi. It’s in Seattle, and to a lesser degree Washington State. We’re willing to elect socialists who call themselves socialists and actually have something like a centre-left, and it’s not just downtown.

I mean, there are reasons that Donald Trump didn’t win the white vote here, and this is a big part of it. According to exit polling at the time, he didn’t get the non-college-educated white male majority here in 2016. It was close! But even with the dry side of the state involved – a lot of which is rabidly christofascist – Donald Trump didn’t even win non-college-educated white men, his core, statewide in 2016.

(It’s also a factor in why the Battle of Seattle could happen, I am just saying. I was there.)

But outside Seattle, and outside Washington State, you’re generally looking at Boomer politics. And I think Generation X has always kinda known that was going to happen, in that we were never going to have a turn at power. Certainly not at the national scale.

Some of us, in fact, have not just known that but have also understood it, which is a different thing. I spent enough time east for school, I could see what was coming and how it was going to play out, and how it was going to be such a long, long war for the Republic – and largely, an effort just to hold. To be a backstop. A centre-left line to keep civil society and elections until someone bigger than them could finally come along.

The fact that we even managed to win on a few fronts – queers, I’m looking at us, but not just us – that was amazing. And also outliers, let’s not kid ourselves. But I’ll take those victories and celebrate them.

So when everything looks so rigid and hopeless and stale, and when you’re seeing “elections don’t fix it, everything just gets worse,” that’s why it looks that way, even when it isn’t actually like that.

Because thanks to their sheer size, their sheer numbers, the Boom just plain outmassed everyone else since like 1980 and everyone’s had to play by their rules all this time.

We could win a round here and there, and even make some real progress in narrow but important areas. But we couldn’t change the game. Hence our fight to keep a civil society not in the politeness sense but in the sense of functional institutions sense, and the fight to keep elections not in the “technically there are elections” sense but in the “elections that can have outcomes Republicans don’t like” sense.

We are at the very tail end of that war now. We have almost won a war most people haven’t even been aware that we’ve been fighting.

2024 is the last best shot they have. They want to keep power, because of course they do. They grabbed it early – skipping ahead of the Silent generation – and haven’t talked to anyone else about power since, just like so many of them never talked to anyone outside their cohort they didn’t have to. But this year is pretty much the end of their dominance unless they can rig everything to keep the appearance of power until they actually die, and they know it.

And by “they know it,” I mean, I actually heard Boomer rightists saying things to that effect in 2016, amongst themselves.

That’s why everything changes after this election, but not during this election. 2024 is the tipping point. Still the old rules, but hopefully the end of them.

If we win – and we will win if we fight – it’ll be because Millennials and Zoomers stepped in and said “that’s enough, grampa.” And everyone who actually works and understands politics will know it.

And since everyone will know it, everything – EVERYTHING – will start to re-orient itself around you. Around Millennials and around Zoomers. It won’t be all at once, but it will absolutely happen.

As long as you keep showing up, as long as you start doing the work, every mechanic of power, every political interest group, every big money, every piece of the machine will start to turn towards you. Because whatever else may be true, the professionals know where the power lies, and it’ll lie with you.

Not us, not GenX. We have a voice in Cascadia, and I love my country-not-a-country bioregion, but that’s the only place we get one. The power brokers will skip us, like they always have. They’ve never figured out how to market to GenX, they thought they were going to “own” Millennials (literal quote there on ‘own’ btw), and they have no idea at all what to do with Zoomers and I thank the gods for it.

It’ll be you, Millennials and Zoomers. You. You will be the ones everyone cares about, as the new power centre of politics. The Baby Boom will try to grab power back, but as long as you keep showing up, they won’t pull it off. In practical terms, it’ll be over.

If we win. Which we will, if we fight and fight together.

But for this election, we’re still under the old rules. The Baby Boom rules, the Baby Boom politics, the Baby Boom control. That’s why I’m praying this can be GenX’s last hurrah as a resistance force, and that’s why I write so much about holding the goddamn line once again, just like so many of us – not all of us, but so many – have done our entire lives.

One more time, no matter how much you hate having to pick between two doddering old monsters…

…we gotta hold the line. We gotta hold the line for your sake, and for our own. Just like we always have.

But after that?

After that, as long as you keep showing up…

…it’ll be all about you.

You’re so close to being able to start taking power and setting the agenda. After all these years, it’s finally the time when you can actually start to do it.

But you gotta help us hold the line in ’24, first. We gotta hold again one, last time, the old way.

And then it’ll be yours.

If you’re willing to take it.

Are you ready?

110 days remain.

-----

[extended commentary and a lot of replies at source]

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomers Anon]

Okay yes im a military brat and had benefits…many of which I didn’t took advantage because of a certain bitch

But still

The majority of Young men, most these days grew up in the Great Recession

Lost “privileges”?

How big of a cake will the left give me if I vote for Kamala?

https://x.com/dyingscribe/status/1847076825597432144?s=46

https://x.com/hijinkssss/status/1847096076387373342?s=46

I mean I know people are mainly referring white peoples…but minus the grifters. It hasn’t exactly been easy being a black guy during the age of social justice

Oh I’m sorry SJW millennials that I’m a black boy well now man who don’t have a victim complex, genocidal hatred towards white, and had more fucking empathy and self awareness at 13 than motherfuckers who were in college

Okay I wasn’t exactly perfect at 13, but by all accounts with my situation and mental illnesses. I should be the more narcissistic person in the room

But after black panther came and how I knew he was full of SHIT as soon as he spoke his first lines when I was 17….vs SEVERAL fully grown ass adults into their 30’s

Well I foresaw this, also zoomers men going right

“In other new, men who were treated like subhuman as boys by their abusive mothers who now playing the victim want to leave the toxic environment. Catch us tongue when we talk to the Huey Zoomer who trying not to become the first black autistic joker irl!”

The majority of Young men, most these days grew up in the Great Recession Lost “privileges”? How big of a cake will the left give me if I vote for Kamala?

It's more likely they'll give it to someone else after putting it down in front of you for a few moments, still gotta pay for it though.

That's gonna be most politicians promises that do that though, not at all party exclusive.

I'm curious about what people believe those privileges are,

This sounds about right to me though.

Oh I’m sorry SJW millennials that I’m a black boy well now man who don’t have a victim complex, genocidal hatred towards white, and had more fucking empathy and self awareness at 13 than motherfuckers who were in college Okay I wasn’t exactly perfect at 13, but by all accounts with my situation and mental illnesses. I should be the more narcissistic person in the room

What's fun is watching people short circuit when the people that don't have a perpetual victim complex show up, you get to see some real exciting leftist racism there.

Any time Tim Scott or Clarence Thomas does something they don't like instead of attacking the action the go directly to racial slurs of some sort, it's like they've had a dozen or more hard R's stocked up in their head and they finally have a time they can use them and not be ostracized for it.

Same with the people that are finally glad they can let people know that they think hitler had some good ideas with the situation in the middle east right now making that possible.

But after black panther came and how I knew he was full of SHIT as soon as he spoke his first lines when I was 17….vs SEVERAL fully grown ass adults into their 30’s

Still haven't seen it, started it apparently looking at my 'keep watching' thingy, but I don't remember that.

Well I foresaw this, also zoomers men going right

Ya there's been a bunch of people calling it that for a while, can't keep bashing and bashing on an entire gender and expect them to keep supporting you and your causes.

I mean you can, but you're likely to be very disappointed in the end.

“In other new, men who were treated like subhuman as boys by their abusive mothers who now playing the victim want to leave the toxic environment. Catch us tongue when we talk to the Huey Zoomer who trying not to become the first black autistic joker irl!”

Gotta wait till May or June before going Joker, that'll give you plenty of time to play AC Shadows when it finally drops.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Um I want planning on it but...

Mike Wheeler's Guide to Falling in Love with a Superhero - live reaction

Dvjhdazfhhygvb literally such Micheal behavior

Wait he knows Max irl in this? Is he in the same friend group? Is he seriously the only human in his friend group? Lmao.

Also Nancy working for Daily Bugle is a nice touch

Wait Dustin isn't super. Zoomer, Ranger, Eleven, Spiderman, yup Dustin's human too.

What even is Micheal's job?

Why does every Mike characterization include him thinking "objectively"? Ajsjbxhcjdnd canon.

Better be a paper straw, bud

"This is a robbery" um okay *continues doing homework and drinking coffee* my dude she is a r m e d

I can't- Will living his sassy dreams, calling villains friendless I bet

So Doc Ock is the same person who was talking about her son who loves heroes, right?

Wait is this even Doc Ock? Is there more than one villain with a lab coat?

Wait are Dusty and Micheal just. Sitting there? ansnchdbehfjfxbj icon behavior lmao

Why do all Mike characterizations involve fantasies of violence? Canon.

"Um sorry I want a less embarrassing death" shut up you pretentious fuck literally accurate

Wait it's a café on the seventh floor? Jesus Christy maybe care a little more about your um life than "He dropped me on the sidewalk no big" wgat

Wait the cage isn't where he works? Why did he call his boss a baker then?? Full me in I'm stupid :/

Literally stunning

No, keep talking. I want to know if Dusty was literally about to say "so gay".

Mike:

We love a pathetic Micheal. Stg he's such a damsel in distress. On the one hand of you constantly almost die maybe you should hit the gym on the other hand I love nothing more than just a useless main character.

"No more room for (dignity) in his noodly body" silly little phrases>>>

We spent two seconds in proximity and you haven't paid an attention to me. Hope i die.

HE LITERALLY IS ansbchebhfufbbfjc PERFECT

No that is literally the most Richie sorry ever I'm DYING

The melodrama of it all

I love how you can tell the writer's personality. Yes, describe the little outfits that civilians wear. I want to know <2

If Will calls him "Cool Guy" as Will I will DIE

"Cool" "cool" maybe stab me

"I love sci-fi" you are sci-fi.

How does his neck not break

Micheal's face rn:

How very cringefail of you, Micheal

You've seen Jonathan exploding Mike in his mind, get ready for:

Totally normla

TROY (also slay, El)

Heart eyes

His book is literally Stranger Things <2

He's not like the other girls I'M DEAD

And i like talking with you, stalker

I went most of a chapter thinking this draft got lost :/

Martin like Martin Brenner? (<- quotes to get urself publicly executed)

So Mike said he knows Max, but I don't think he knows the others besides Dustin. That makes sense bc Max prob wouldn't introduce her friends to her super friends, right?

This is kinda different from canon bc in canon they're friends for a decade and their friendship is super important, but in this version, we can focus on what I really care about- Mike being a fucking loser (affectionate)

I really like the little details like the book Mike writes being ST- and wonton b2 alongside b1 bc there was a ✨️plan✨️ all along. WAIT IS HIS SELF INSERT NAMED MIKHAIL-

It's okay I'm normla now.

My dude stop flirting you are on the clock holy shit as far as Micheal knows you're a stranger jesus christy

Did I mention how fucking funny the ladies' man comment was?

Micheal and me are both just dramatic little shits. Yes I will explode, actually.

Okay but what even

No comment

Najzbxbchhdhbdbxh hdbdjxdyxhdb💖💖💖💖💖

I FUCKING KNEW IT! C O O L G U Y !!!!!

Ookay

The fact I can hear all of this in their voices qjabxbxbhxhxhdhbc (did I mention they're dorks?)

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ISN'T A GARUNTEE MOM I'M SCARED

Students when Spiderman goes in and out of this one apartment window alot:

Them when he starts coming out of a *different* apartment:

HE DID THE THING HE DID THE THING

YES SLAY

This post by @smoosnoom, this fic

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

This week was the one where I started trimming my pulls.

Green Lantern #1 - Good start. Xermancio of course crushed it on art, he's going to be the heir to Reis if he sticks around. Reminds me of the openings for both Johns and Morrison's runs, Hal struggling to catch up with a world that's left him behind. Bit where Hal was talking about all the great things he had up in space was nice continuity from how Hal felt about life in Morrison's run. Johns and Morrison both chose to ditch the Earth adventures for the stars, Adams needs to keep Hal grounded for as long as possible if he wants to do something new. Wish we could just skip the "Hal and Carol are starcrossed lovers" plotline, I don't care who Carol's new boyfriend is, break them up already. Hal trying to make a serious go of it this time with Carol is more interesting to me than asking if they'll end up back together again. Only weak point is that once again, there isn't any sign of an overarching plot, or a sense of threat. Sinestro lurking in civies doesn't count as that for me, sorry. Need Adams to quickly inject some stakes, he took too long doing that for Flash and it ended up costing him the book, hope he learned from that here.

Stargirl #6 - Ending was a bit rushed but otherwise this was the most enjoyable thing Johns has written since the Rebirth one shot. Any chance these new kids have of sticking around relies completely on Johns being able to get JSA out on time, and that's not an event I would wager on. Also sorry Johns but I detest Corky, if you were hoping to win me over into liking the little shit you failed.

Superman: Lost #3 - Space dolphins and planets composed of sentient micro-organisms, what could be better? Adding Priest to my list of creators who understand the wrath is Superman's fatal flaw. Pag is killing it on art, he flips flawlessly between drawing the kickass cosmic vistas and the facial expressions. Especially Clark's look of "oh fuck me" at the end after destroying Marquis.

Spirit World #1 - Gorgeous art, seriously Haining needs to be given the same A-List artist treatment that DC is giving Sampere and Jimenez. Solid story too, Xanthe is a bit of cliché "snarky zoomer", but I like their powerset and their dynamic with Cass and Constantine. Good read, hope this level of quality stays consistent.

Batman Incorporated #8 - Decided to drop this. Book is still solid and entertaining, but I need to cut back and a C-List Batbook is an easy cut. Sorry guys it's me not you.

Danger Street #6 - Still great, still no clue what's going on.

WildC.A.T.S. #7 - Was one of those Earths the original Wildstorm Earth? Felt like I recognized one of them.

Invincible Iron Man #6 - Y'know what? I'm out. Turning Iron Man into an X-Book right as I'm suffering from X-fatigue was an unfortunate call on Duggan's part. Tony needs Hickman to finally give us a run worthy of the character who headlined the MCU's glory days.

X-Men Red #11 - Since I don't care about Ironfire, I think I will be dropping the book. Maybe I'll check out the oneshot about Apocalypse returning, but this book has just become a total bore for me.

[billfarrah]

bill and darby haven't left my mind since I saw the first ep. so much yes to how she looks at him and how protective he is of her! the trailer tells us we'll get more flashbacks/backstory for them and I'm so unbelievably excited. I love their love and how connected they are.

I'm also very connected to darby with how 'strange' she is. and I mean that as a compliment. she's weird, I'm weird. she has depth, soul, wit and heart and seeing that portrayed on TV as a main character is so refreshing.

love the get out idea! never thought of it that way but I'm definitely buying it now. zoomer's character is sending me on a spiral about lee and bill. I have so many other ideas and thoughts but I'm so wrapped up in bill and darby and just need to gush about them aimlessly.

thank you for listening lol

@det-loki

God just reading all this has me going insane all over again and THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

Yes to EVERYTHING you said about Darby. I love that even though she’s weird and awkward and has an offbeat style and interests, she’s also just such a NORMAL, human person. We see so much of her personality in every single scene she’s in. I loved it when she nerded out over The Simpsons and I love the way she plays with a fidget spinner while she’s on the computer. I love that we get to see her as a giddy teenage girl with a crush. It is absolutely adorable. And I love that she’s not your typical aloof female hacker character - she has shades of this, but we see so much of her vulnerability. It makes me think of the op-ed Brit wrote about not wanting to be a “strong female character.” We see Darby’s guardedness but we also see her intense fragility. I still feel faint when I think about Bill calling her “both really tough and really fragile.” And I love that she’s allowed to LOVE. I love how she smiles adoringly while she’s watching Bill engage with Zoomer and how she instantly fucking folds when she’s close to him again. Watching her giddily run over to Bill’s room after she tried to keep up a front was both heartwarming and t then heartbreaking with what comes after. I just love seeing a female character that is so layered and so complex. I myself have been tired of the cold, emotionless female characters and I love that Darby is driven just as much by her emotions as she is her intelligence.

As far as Zoomer goes, I have had the exact same thoughts. Is he bill’s kid? How would that make Darby feel that her ex boyfriend had a baby with her hero? There’s something so complicated and interesting there. There was also something a little off putting about Zoomer stating his exact age and my first thought was, “android child?”

I wish I had more cool theories but just like you I’m pretty much consumed by Darby and Bill right now and I know that’s only gonna get worse given the glimpses we’ve gotten in the trailers. Pairing Emma and Harris was diabolical of them - they’re both insanely talented and insanely HOT. I need more of them immediately.

[amorhedera6]

the superparty

or if the party was a team of superpowers, who i think they’d be

el: obviously her current powers. telekenesis, and seeing other people from far distances (whatever her void things called) would definitely be helpful in fighting supervillains. i think her superhero name would just be eleven. this is assuming in aspects other than being a superhero, they have normal lives and her name is jane.

will: similar to el, but a bit more scarlet witch. he has psionic abilities like she does and he can fly, but he doesn’t have the mind control ability she does. i like to think his superhero name is cleric, but i’m open to suggestions, i don’t like that one super much.

mike: i don’t want to say “super soldier” bc im not a big mcu person and i already used the scarlet witch comparison for will but yeah, basically, he’s a super soldier. he’s super strong, fast, has better endurance, reflexes, all that jazz. enhanced senses too, smell, sight, hearing, etc. and a higher pain tolerance! he joins the team immediately because he goes straight to will and is like i just got siperpowers out of nowhere what the fuck do i do and will is like come join the team and that’s that. his superhero name is battlestrike, chosen by lucas because all mike could come up with was fighter man.

lucas: for lucas i’m thinking a beast boy power, he can change into any animal at will. can talk to all animals, befriends all animals really easy. he’s got like a herd of stray animals following him at all times and it pisses erica off which is basically why he does it. he’s called beastmaster, which for those of you who don’t know is something a ranger can become in dnd, and i love him.

max: super speed!!!!!!! she is a speedster and i know it in my heart of hearts. her superhero name is zoomer and she’s the reason i started this. love this so much. i need to see speedster max and animal powers lucas so bad like actually. i would pay for someone to draw me zoomer max.

dustin: dustin’s got invisibility! he can turn it off and on like a light switch bc he’s super cool. he goes by ghost and he’s one of the few that actually picked his own name instead of being assigned one by the public, because he was a spider-man type vigilante before he joined the team, and people asked his name. he likes to help people, feels like it helps him achieve his true purpose. not like in a religious way, but he feels like he (and all the others) were given these powers for a reason and that’s to help people.

steve: steve is an empath. the closer a relationship he has with a person, the better he can tell. he can sense what a stranger is feeling from a little bit away with clarity, but from the other side of the world he can tell dustin’s emotions as if they were his own. and he also has the ability to differentiate, he can tell whose emotions belong to who as he feels them. so even if he’s feeling themself, he can tell that the emotions are someone else’s. he is one of the team’s best fighters, and also the team member who keeps the healing station in business. they were still brainstorming on his name when he first went into a fight and was named redwood, after a strong and sturdy tree. he’s one of the public favorites.

robin: super knowledge!!! she can absorb knowledge super quickly and knows a whole lot more than the average person. helpful more in the planning stage, mostly does research on people, helps in the pre-stage. works mostly with jonathon, but has some basic training in fighting and helps out on some missions occasionally. when she does she uses a bow and arrow, because she did archery as a kid and can do that well. has the name cerulian bow, because the public only knows about the fighting figure of her and not her behind the scene work.

erica: erica has telepathy. for a while she didn’t tell anyone and just used it to freak people out, but then she asked lucas what someone with telepathy would do on his loser team and he’s both like how did you know i was on a team and also what the fuck. so she joins the team and basically uses it to figure out the villains plans. she’s not in the public eye at all because she’s the youngest of the team and no one wants the slack bc she’s a teenager (she’s like 16 in this au), they just bring her to fights to get information and get her out before anything happens. she then comes back to base and works the comms with robin and jon.

nancy: nancy’s got mind control!! and she struggles with it sometimes, with making people do things against their will, but she’s so good with her power. she can put her power into her words, and anyone she directs it to will do as she asks. think allison from umbrella academy, or piper from heroes of olympus. she can have short term control over a person to do what she wants them to, and it’s an incredibly good skill. she doesn’t use her power unless it’s against provably awful people, never on henchmen or the like. i’m the meanwhile, it’s good she’s handy with the gun. because she uses her gun and mental manipulation, her superhero name is neurobullet. mike calls her nutribullet

jonathon: i think jon’s our hacker, oracle style. he found out that will was doing this and insisted on helping him, and this is how he chose to do it. taught himself how to hack, how to do all sorts of techy things to help out, and as they both were recruited for the team, how to help everyone else too. he makes a lot of the plans, checks the security cameras, all that. he’s not in public eye, but he’s been discussed by the public before, because it’s known they have a computers person of some kind. he’s referred to as cyberear, since the public’s only experience with him is the voice in the team’s earpieces.

argyle: i think argyle’s out transportation guy. he’s a teleporter. he can take up to five people with him depending on the distance, but can go pretty much anywhere in the world. i like to think he’s not on the team, just besties with jonathon, so hen they need a quick lift somewhere, jon calls him up and asks him to help. he’s been invited on the team multiple teams, but doesn’t want to officially join. he likes to spend his time seeing the world and just like doing his thing. he’s not in public eye at all, and it’s widely believed that the team simply has teleportation devices.

eddie: shadow manipulation!!!!! think of nico from the percy jackson verse? that. he can shadow-travel, but only by himself and not super far without basically passing out (they typically rely on argyle for that). he can manipulate shadows, night vision, general umbrakenesis, etc. he’s obsessed with his darkness aesthetic and tries to pull off like a whole dramatic kjng of darkness vibe but he’s a nerd and a goof and he’s trying his best for the aesthetic and tbh we respect it. he’s called the dark shadow

hopper: hopper’s definitely the big-n-strong one. he’s the thing, the hulk, the guy who turns big and strong at the drop of the hat. i think he turns from a person to like a massive muscle man that’s like the color of like veins. i’m not attempt to Science it, but like his skin stretched out to become the big guy so he’s the color of his veins. like blueish purplish greenish mixture color. he’s called smasher and yes, mike mocks it for eternity.

joyce: i think joyce would be our healer. she can take away someone’s pain or solve their injuries by touching them. she used to just volunteer at a hospital that had a lot of “miracles” but when she found out what will and jonathon were doing she joined their team and helps them instead. she still fights like a badass when it comes down to it, but she tends to do the post-fight work. and she also still volunteers at the hospital when she has the chance. she’s not in public eye nearly as much as the others, but she’s called divinity.

murray: murray has the power of power control. he can give people powers and take them away at will. he chose the party to give powers, and either watched how they reacted to the power gain and made his choice, or recruited them immediately to his team. he’s basically the leader, the handler, whatever. he does the behind the scenes work that allows them to be a superhero team without governmental fire coming down and then and leaves them to do the work. he reveals to all of them that he gave them their powers, and they all ask how he got his, and he does not answer. he doesn’t travel a code name either, though they’re all becoming increasingly convinced that murray is a fake name.

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Number Nine

Chapter One: I Want You All To Myself

AO3 author’s note/info one two three four five six seven eight epilogue extra

All my work is 18+.

I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but in an instant, you break me down. I know better than to want you, but I succumb to you without a doubt. Now the water is rising, and I’m too tired to swim; and my lungs just can’t take it, but I keep breathing you in, so tell me lies, tell me painted truths; anything at all to keep me close to you. Pull me under the way you do; tonight, I wanna drown in an ocean of you.- Martin Garrix & Clinton Kane, Drown

There was a difference between being ashamed of one’s actions and being discreet about them. This was something Lea had learned recently. She hadn’t given the distinction much consideration before, but then she had gotten an additional best friend. 

Lea had two best friends; one made sense and the other—the recent accrual, the one that both required and practiced discretion—did not.

As a broke college student, it made sense for her best friend to be Sam, another broke college student she’d known since they were attending kindergarten at the all-girls school where they’d met in North Carolina.

One could perhaps count her older sister, Lina, as another best friend, and her younger sister, Ari, as a third, but for one, they were her sisters; for two, Ari was in California; and for three, they would’ve made perfect sense.

Lea’s actual other best friend was Tim. This made no sense for several reasons. Firstly, Tim was a guy, and Lea had never had many guys involved in her life, what with the aforementioned all-girls schools and her mother’s choice to deliberately isolate their family from anyone of the male persuasion on account of the hell her father had wracked upon her mother’s life.

Secondly, Tim was not a college student. He didn’t live on campus, and he didn’t live in her building. He did, however, live not too far from the tiny New York apartment she shared with Sam.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Tim was, to the majority of the population, known as Timothée Chalamet, Academy Award nominated actor. This was, in a word, bizarre. In three words, it was really fucking bizarre.

Like. Her best friend was a major celebrity. Her best friend was considered the most talented actor of his generation (not hers, though. She was a Zoomer). Her best friend had been called the most well-dressed man in the world. Her best friend was considered an international sex symbol. Her best friend had been nominated for ninety-four different awards during the course of his increasingly illustrious acting career, and had won thirty-nine (she’d checked Wikipedia at one point). Her best friend had made out with Saorise Ronan and Selena Gomez and Zendaya and Jennifer motherfucking Lawrence. He’d dated Madonna’s daughter in high school—high school!—and then Johnny Depp’s daughter and he acted like it wasn’t even that big of a deal. Her best friend had a net worth of twenty million dollars and it was climbing fast, having outright doubled in the past few months alone.

And, oh yeah, minor detail, but she might also maybe possibly be in love with him. 

Oh, alright. So she was totally head over heels crazy in love with him. Sue her. What was she supposed to do, not fall in love with the sweetest living being she’d met in her entire life who also just so happened to be intelligent and funny and talented and had the appearance of a Greek fucking god? Yeah, unlikely.

She’d never had romantic feelings for anyone before and had fully intended to keep it that way on account of her mother’s less than stellar romantic example, but y’know. Whatever.

Not like anything was gonna happen anyway. 

He had technically asked her on a date the second time they’d met (she’d tailored two suits for him, the second of which he’d requested her by name for), but things had since been strictly platonic. She figured that once he’d actually gotten to know her as a human being, he’d decided they were better as friends. 

Never mind the fact that he got her random presents that cost hundreds of dollars. Never mind the fact that one of her Christmas presents was literally first class plane tickets home to North Carolina. Never mind the fact that he held her hand constantly, cuddled with her under a blanket when they watched movies, or that he insisted she sleep in his bed with him holding her close whenever she stayed over.

Those were all normal friend things. Or normal Tim things. Or normal guy things. She wasn’t sure. Either way, no matter what anyone said, there was no way in hell his feelings towards her were more than platonic. 

This was, of course, totally fair. It was also most definitely for the best. It hurt like a bitch, though. 

But honestly, it would never work. Zendaya was super nice and even had a boyfriend, but like. How could anyone compete with Zen-fucking-daya, even if all romantic and/or sexual interactions were in a work context?

Zendaya had become a friend at Tim’s twenty-sixth birthday party, yeah, but she was also a source of insecurity for Lea. 

She was everything Lea wasn’t. Zendaya was tall. Lea was 5’¾” of an inch on the best of days. Zendaya had perfect skin. Lea was covered in freckles and turned lobster red if she spent more than an hour and a half in the sun without SPF 70. Zendaya had a team of people managing her hair. Lea was lucky her dark red curls didn’t frizz up every day. Zendaya was skinny. Lea was… well. Not. She couldn’t even afford a bra in her size and had subsequently been wearing the same two since she was fifteen.

In any case, Tim had girls like that at his disposal, and she knew for a fact he had a long history of casual hook-ups and flings. They’d never work. It really was for the best that his feelings for her were strictly platonic.

There was one more minor reason that things must remain platonic between them. Well, okay. There were several reasons, but they were interconnected. It all started when, a few weeks into their friendship and she was hurdling head-first into romantic feelings territory and fast, she’d been hit with what she thought of as the Big Reveal.

“Your what?” Lea had sputtered at him over the pizza he’d ordered.

“Huh?” he paused in his story. “I was just saying that my wife—“

She dropped the pizza outright then. “Your wife,” she repeated back to him.

He stared at her for a few seconds, then seemed to recall something. “Shit, right, I haven’t told you, huh?”

“Apparently not,” she said uncomfortably, her appetite completely gone now. “You’re, uh… you’re married?”

He nodded. “Few years now.”

“I’m confused,” she confessed. “You asked me out at first. You said it was a date.”

Tim smiled at her indulgently, and her heart thudded in her chest. She wished it wouldn’t, though, because he was fucking married, apparently.

“We’re polyamorous, sweetheart,” he told her gently. “We both have plenty of girlfriends, some of them shared.” He paused. “Plus a few boyfriends on her part.”

She’d heard of that. She couldn’t imagine the appeal of wanting more than one person at a time. She didn’t get why he did, and she was insanely jealous of the girls he was with and most especially his motherfucking wife, but to each their own, she supposed.

“You said girlfriends,” she observed. “As in, like. Plural. More than one. Multiple.”

He nodded.

“How, uh. How many are we talking here?”

He thought for a moment. “Eight, I think? Yeah, eight.”

“Eight?” she squeaked out. He was dating eight girls? In addition to his wife?

Her mind was reeling, and she leaned back against the couch. She felt queasy.

“Where’s… where’s your wife?” Lea wanted to know.

“Her and Elle are both in a house not too far from here,” he said casually.

“Who’s Elle?” she asked, her head spinning.

“I’ve really never mentioned them?” When she shook her head, he finally put his own pizza down, wiped his hands on his sweatpants, and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his pictures for a few seconds before turning his screen to show her a picture of a grinning little girl who couldn’t be much older than two.

She had Tim’s hair. And Tim’s eyes.

Lea gaped.

“My daughter,” he explained before putting his phone back in his pocket.

“You have kids?” She was trying really hard not to hyperventilate.

“Just the one,” he assured her hastily. Then, “Well— for now. Olivia’s pregnant and she says it’s definitely mine. Another girl, which is cool.”

“Olivia?” Lea squeaked.

“One of my girlfriends, yeah,” he brushed her off. “Lea, are you okay? You look pale.”

“I’m always pale,” she reminded him shortly.

“Are you upset?”

“Of course not.” The words were too forced for someone who knew her very well to believe, but Tim didn’t know her mannerisms super well by this point, plus she was a costume design major and had taken her share of acting classes. She couldn’t very well tell him she was actually quite upset because of how she felt about him, now could she? “I have to get home, though. I have homework.” She stood and went to get her purse. 

“I thought you’d finished it,” he pointed out, frowning in obvious disappointment at her earlier-than-usual departure.

“I just remembered I have to edit an essay.”

Tim outright pouted at that. “Why don’t you enroll in online classes next semester?”

She paused, turning around to face him again as she slipped on her shoes next to the couch. “Why?”

He shrugged, grinning up at her. “So I can take you places we wanna go together.”

She wanted to ask what his wife, daughter, and eight girlfriends would think about that. Instead, she just nodded once and said, “Yeah, okay.”

He took a final bite of pizza before standing up, towering over her as per usual, and handing her her coat. “You sure you have to go?”

Lea nodded again, more firmly this time. “My essay is a mess,” she lied.

He sighed. “Okay. C’mon, then.” At that, he started towards the elevator out of his fancy rich boy penthouse. 

“Oh, uh…” She gulped, desperately trying to think of an excuse to refuse his obvious assumption that he was driving her home. “I can take the subway.”

He looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “Yeah, no. I’m driving you.”

Deciding that arguing would be too suspicious, she only nodded again, trying not to blush at how sweet he always was as she put on her coat. Why’d he have to be so fucking nice? If he weren’t so fucking nice, she wouldn’t have gone and done something as stupid as catching feelings for a married man.

When she turned to shoot a polite goodbye smile at him before exiting his car, he grinned that heart-stopping grin at her, leaned over the console, and pressed a swift kiss to her cheek.

And that’s when she knew with absolute certainty that she was a goner.

She told herself his life when he was away from her didn’t matter. It didn’t impact their friendship. He talked about his daughter sometimes, and when he did, it was with obvious love, but he hardly ever spoke about the other girls in his life. Not that she considered herself a girl in his life. God, to be a girl in Timothée Chalamet’s life. But no, she wasn’t. He spent money on her, sure; more money than her mom did outside of her schooling, even. But it was pennies to him. Pennies compared to what he must spend on his wife and various girlfriends.

Yes I made that divider by myself. It’s adorable, fuck you that’s why.

Tag list: @meetmyothersouls @ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @vampire-reanimator

To be added, please ask 💗

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

Going to School with Ranboo!|| 📌

[i was going to answer this but i was a big dummy dum dum and accidentally deleted the ask bUT I REMEMBERED YOU DEAR ANON]

irl / in-game

Genre| fluff and (minor) angst

h e a d-c a n n o n s||

Sypnosis|

You and Ranboo go to school together, so have some scenarios and thoughts about it!!

Artist| grapeichie on twitter!!

warnings| bullying, stress, swearing

Note: you are a streamer in this!! You are also in the SMP!

optional platonic or romantic!!

- so going to school with Ranboo is both amazing and weird. You two have tons of stories of the dumb shit that happened there.

- Nobody will ever find Y/N and Ranboo far apart, even if you guys dont share classes one of you will randomly appear and at this point no one questions it

- Both of you meeting up at eachothers classroom/locker to walk together to your next destination

- Both of you helping eachother with schoolwork, Ranboo would totally tutor you in any subject you struggle with. Both of you go to his house but you two end up getting bored, so he does a Facecam stream with you in the background vibing. (It was so much fun)

- You guys are both the teacher’s favorites and least favorites. You both add so much life to the school but thats the exact problem.

- Y/N: haha look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips!!

Ranboo: NOOOO THATS THE THING HE’S SENSITIVE ABOUT

That Poor Teacher:

- I can totally imagine some kids in your school being invested in the SMP and both of you just nervously sweat in the background. Bonus points if ya’ll’s friends are into it so its just absolute panic

- You trying to help him not be awkward, especially when it comes to talking to new people. I can totally see like a new girl trying to talk to him and he just panics, so you have to step in and explain and help the poor boy out.

- You two are like,, inseparable. Like literally rarely does anyone see you guys apart. So this kinda urks some people who have crushes on him, or literally just your stereotypical bully.

- So one day while you we’re grabbing things for your next class, someone slammed against the locker next to yours, slamming yours shut in the process.

“Well well well, if it isnt the clingy one. Im surprised your not with that dork, you two practically don’t function without the other.” The guy snickered, leaning forward directly in Y/N’s face.

“And how is that any of your concern? And why does it matter?” Y/N said, standing straight up staring at the guy. “Because your fucking pathetic, thats why. Your useless without him and both of us know it.” He spat, pushing Y/N to the floor with a thud, they’re books crashing to the ground around them. Snickers could be heard from around them, as well as gasps and ‘oh-no’s’.

“Awww whatcha gonna do now, freak? You gonna go cry to that loser? Because i have a better idea. Your gonna shut up, and if not, he gets hurt.” The boy said, picking Y/N up by the collar of they’re shirt, and soon slamming them back into the lockers. All he did was laugh and walk away, muttering “pathetic, good for nothing freak.”

- You went home by yourself that day, usually Ranboo walks you home so you two can hangout, but you were nowhere to be seen. This went on for 2 weeks, and you practically avoided him at all costs, not wanting him to get hurt.

- But when he walked into school one day and saw Y/N being harassed by a group of people, he surely wasn’t the one hurt.

“Awww, cant move?” One said, twisting Y/N’s wrist even more, bruising they’re arm as they whimpered in pain. “Awww i think they’re gonna cry!!” Someone else chimmed in, one girl quickly said “better take a picture of this before the moments gone.” As she giggled, snapping a photo of you in the middle of being bullied.

“Delete it, and leave.” Ranboo said, looking down at the three who were currently tormenting you. You looked so sad yet happy, but you knew what was about to happen. “I thought i fucking told you not to tell him, guess your getting it.” The guy said, kicking your stomach and slamming you against the lockers.

You never in your wildest dreams expected Ranboo to punch someone, he was so sweet and charismatic, very passive and neutral. But now, your bully laid on the floor, a bloody nose, and Ranboo towering over him. “Dont. Touch. Them.” Ranboo snarled, leaning down and looking at the bully directly in the eyes.

- A fight soon broke out, leaving one guy with a black eye, bloody nose and a bruised arm and shoulder. Ranboo got suspended, but you left with him, not wanting to be at school and instead with him.

- While walking home he stopped, pulled off his white and black hoodie, put it on you, and soon enveloped you in a hug. Y/N return the favor, and all he said shakily was ‘i love you’

- God no one ever fucked with Y/N again everyone was scared spineless

- The entire SMP had a ‘bruh’ moment when you two told them. Of course Techno was very happy about Ranboo beating some kids up.

- But like back to happy stuff,,

- Kahoot? Idk if you guys play it in school but i do, and both you and Ranboo are such a power duo in Kahoot games

- Trading each others lunch because thats what duo’s like you two do, share with the homies

- Both of you being referees in sports because if other wise someone is going to accidentally get hurt

- You having to walk Ranboo to the nurses office after he got hit in the face with a basketball.

- The librarian does not like the fact you two cannot be quiet. You both are constantly cracking up and can never keep it down

- I know for a FACT one of you got your hands on the teacher’s computer, and i know one of you are playing memes during class while your Teacher is screeching

- All your teachers think both of you are cheating because you have synced brains and get every single answer the exact. same.

- Pulling some kind of huge end of the year prank

- Both of you speaking in zoomer language and not even your classmates have any idea what your saying

- I can see both of you accidentally writing/typing ‘pog’ into a essay/class assignment and your teacher being VERY confused

- Blasting fan-made songs about both of your guys characters and everyone liking them, and both of you are just giggling and smiling because they dont know

- Your friend group see you two doing something and they’re just like “ah shit, here we go again”

- Both of you going to school events only to ensue chaos and be idiots

- On the first day one of you getting lost and the other having to go fetch the other one

- Both of you crashing at the others house to study but it probably didnt go well

- You two are honestly just encased in your own little shared bubble, just vibing and being yourselves

- i feel like this is going on forever and most of it was just angst so I’ll go ahead and cut this off lol

a/n: TWO UPLOADS IN ONE DAY??? CALL ME GO-

Okay but in all seriousness i hope this was not total shit and actually pleasant to read. Idk i just feel like this bad

Anyways I promise I’ll get to working on pt. 2 of dad wilbur but i have some other requests i need to work on. But in the meantime simp for Ranboo and Wilbur okay bye

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[castielmacleod]

To clarify my Opinion on the prequel for the days ahead

—> I first and foremost do not care. Critically I am not actually a fan of spn. I could BARELY stand that show even when the characters I actually liked (literally just the side characters) were on screen. Now the see double you wants me to look at zoomer Mary “I had to be literally brainwashed before I could love and have children with this man” Campbell (with STRAIGHT. HAIR.) and ken doll John “I’m such a rookie goofball even though I literally volunteered to go murder people in Vietnam” Winchester, as they fall in heterosexual love as conceived in the mind of Jensen “I literally think spn is/was a good show” Ackles. Lol. There is nothing on planet earth that could compel me to watch or even 🏴‍☠��� the prequel, I genuinely want nothing to do with it.

—> I have to emphasise that even the prequel bringing back any of my beloved side characters could compel me to watch it and in fact that would have the complete opposite effect. I would actually be repelled because I do not trust Jason Ankles I do not trust Robbie Thompson I do not trust a single spn writer to do anything but ruin these characters (more than they already may have been ruined of course) and yes this VERY MUCH includes Cas. This includes Rowena. This includes Crowley. This includes if they put angels and demons in new vessels. This even includes if they somehow get 70? Is he 70? Year old Mark Shep back in front of the camera in an all-black suit to be snide and miserable and gay again. I am ACTIVELY hoping that the prequel doesn’t touch any of them but if they do I swear to fucking christ. 

—> I also really don’t actually care who does and doesn’t engage with the prequel within spnblr. Like I think the prequel looks awful and not anything I’d ever give the time of day but it’s whatever. I am only interested in in the inevitable D*sticule drama over this because let me tell you right now that people are going to care

—> As far as this blog goes I have virtually no intentions of engaging with or reblogging posts about the prequel (about the storylines, new characters, etc like I said I really do not care and want nothing to do with it) or prequel fan content (like fanart and gifs). The exception is the rule of funny and anything that allows me to be a hater. So posts actively mocking it or its storylines, or posts calling it bad. Another exception is posts pointing out racism in the show, or the American jingoism and xenophobia, or any sexism, homophobia, or transphobia. These exceptions are really the only prequel content I can see myself actively sharing to this blog. I’m not going to like, BLOG about it though. This is an spn blog. I plan to continue hollering about CrowstieI and such for the foreseeable future. I won’t be keeping up episode by episode, it’ll literally just be if I stumble across a post I like.

—> Going off of that. Everything I said in my earlier point about the show maybe bringing back characters I like is still true, I will not actually watch them in the show, but if they DO put Cas or Crowley or Billie or another angel or demon I like on the show in their original vessels (MAYBE if they’re in a different vessel but it would depend on the look/vibes of the actor) or if they actually produce my 70s flower power Rowena vision (and hopefully it would be Ruth Connell because hopefully tptb would understand Rowena stopped ageing in medieval times and it wouldn’t make sense to cast a younger actor to play her just in the 70s, but tptb + understanding is always a tough one to wish for so). If they do those things then I may have to reblog gifs, fanart, or screens of them if only for the Visuals. But it would be tagged for ts and it would just be me wailing that I miss them or whatever reaction I have and that would be all.

—> Otherwise though those are the extent of my thoughts on the prequel. If you’re watching have fun with it, if you’re not we’re shaking hands. That’s all!

[beardedmrbean]

Oh that to bash my generation

AT LEAST BOOMERS HAD THE HIPPIES

https://x.com/southernkeeks/status/1784576489003856008?s=46

….Do you have ANY idea how many times our elders hammer down how shitty life was for them 40-50 years ago growing up?

How it was hammer down our throats? Did I mention that insulating time traveling cartoon movie of MLK where they stated his Martydom was NEEDED to change the world?

How the fuck did the king family-wait I heard they been a mess since his death. Nvm

But people wondering why zoomer college kids are so unhinged….okay story good Steven universe fans. I just wanted to show how long this mess was

But since you know I been in the asylum that’s is tumblr…um not surprising. For some goddamn reasons, late boomers and gen x (not all but you know) decided to like social media and tv will raised their kids

And given how over a decade misandrists and racist af non whites was go unchecked….

I think a lot of people forget that my generation grew up when people with untreated mental illness, unresolved parental issues, and it was socially acceptable to treat white people and men the same way the Nazis viewed the Jews because oppressed vs the oppressors. You end up with this

A lot of people don’t realize the crazy sjw/tumblr crowd PREYED kids. So when you have mentally stunted people who think like Star Wars (oh let leave out the character we talked about in the DMs. They are a landmine) preferring the galactic emperor/first order over the rebellion/resistance means your a Nazi apologist

Your shit out of luck, but funny enough me liking a certain villain lead me NOT calling the sons and daughters of David colonizer

Okay a lot of other things, but Jesus fucking Christ why do I have more empathy than people who entire personality is based off superhero comics and kids cartoons?

But seriously how the fuck I realize I had better moral compass at 13? Keep in mind I just got away from the bitch [stepmom] and still coping with my autism and adhd I was diagnosed with at 11.

Oh shit gen-z you are totally unique nobody has ever had to deal with this before since before the dawn of recorded history, what a brand new burden you carry.

Dunces that think they're the first generation to ever care about the environment are also totally a new thing and we've never had any kind of concern for the environment before, thank you gen-z for showing the rest of us the light.

How it was hammer down our throats? Did I mention that insulating time traveling cartoon movie of MLK where they stated his Martydom was NEEDED to change the world?

Saw people saying that about george floyd too, sad honestly.

But people wondering why zoomer college kids are so unhinged….okay story good Steven universe fans. I just wanted to show how long this mess was

There's a reason I've let my brother know to never let his kids watch that show, nothing to do with the show and everything to do with not wanting them to look online and encounter the cesspit that is in the fandom

But since you know I been in the asylum that’s is tumblr…um not surprising. For some goddamn reasons, late boomers and gen x (not all but you know) decided to like social media and tv will raised their kids And given how over a decade misandrists and racist af non whites was go unchecked….

late gen-x early millennial is closer, zucc is a millennial, dorsey and myspace tom are gen-x,but in our defense we in gen-x were so chill we'd thought that all that would just keep on going and folks would be chill online with each other, not zucc he wanted to get laid but the other two ya.

I think a lot of people forget that my generation grew up when people with untreated mental illness, unresolved parental issues, and it was socially acceptable to treat white people and men the same way the Nazis viewed the Jews because oppressed vs the oppressors. You end up with this

they're getting better ant the mental illness thing, we've gone over that before so not going much further into it, still say it's a miracle my ADHD and Dyslexia were diagnosed as a kid, still mostly abnormal then, but you can thank Gen-X for pushing to bust the stigma around mental illness and treatments and stuff, even if it did land us inside the "prozac nation"

We and some before us suffered so y'all could suffer less

A lot of people don’t realize the crazy sjw/tumblr crowd PREYED kids. So when you have mentally stunted people who think like Star Wars (oh let leave out the character we talked about in the DMs. They are a landmine) preferring the galactic emperor/first order over the rebellion/resistance means your a Nazi apologist

That's all not new, just worse than it used to be is all.

But seriously how the fuck I realize I had better moral compass at 13? Keep in mind I just got away from the bitch [stepmom] and still coping with my autism and adhd I was diagnosed with at 11.

You got lucky I'd say.

[agent-cupcake]

Can I ask your opinion? So, I feel like everyone into 3H is in love with Dimitri, but I can't connect with him. I don't dislike him, but I feel like there isn't much to his personality without all his various mental health issues. It's hard to get a feel on what he's really like, so I end up just seeing him as a walking ball of trauma and not a three-dimensional character. Do you have any thoughts on Dimitri himself and how to separate him as a person from his psychological issues? Thanks!

Hmm, I guess my first thought is that everyone resonates with characters differently and so if you don’t particularly feel connected to him, that’s not wrong. Fictional parasocial relationships are very similar to real-life relationships, so it follows that nobody is going to like every character. I can’t say that a portion of my love for his character doesn’t come from his mental issues because that’s something I personally relate to and feel drawn to in others. That’s just who I am and how I build relationships. There is also something to be said for the unavoidable way mental illness informs a person’s behavior and character, it’s as much an aspect of them as being born with blond hair or losing an eye.

That said, I will do my best to explain why I think Dimitri is wonderful. Not in spite of his mental illness, but because I don’t think that’s all he is.

So, Dimitri is, as he says, a very clumsy person. This unfortunately extends to his social skills. He has a lot of very socially awkward tendencies and a general lack of self-awareness. This contrasts with his innate desire to please people, or at least avoid upsetting anyone. The thing is, Dimitri doesn’t always completely understand what upsets people or how exactly they might feel. His childhood isolation left him rather emotionally unaware and desperate for the acceptance and approval of others. That’s not to say he doesn’t try to understand other people’s feelings, but it’s not an intuitive process. He has a habit of saying kind of dumb or uncomfortable things out of nowhere, which is most likely his real feelings coming out in rather inept ways. He means well, but he’s just so dang clumsy.

The desperation to be included and validated I mentioned, I think, can be seen in the way he tries so hard to make the other Blue Lions see him as a peer and equal all the while keeping himself rather closed off from them. Dimitri approaches conversations as a means of focusing on the other person, trying to make an appeal to them rather than as an interaction where both parties could be seen as vulnerable. Of course, just like most other socially awkward introverts, he opens up when he feels closer to the person, but that takes a while. Gotta unlock the supports, you know? Although it’s not necessarily obvious, his incredibly stiff behavior (especially pre-timeskip) and the way he switches between overly formal and awkwardly friendly in his interactions with people as he tries to figure out how to socially and emotionally navigate relationships really gives me the impression of someone trying desperately to fit in without even the faintest clue of how to actually manage that. He also does his best to avoid social situations, which, mood. Basically, Dimitri’s a big dumb massive introvert trying to act like he’s not.

FURTHERMORE, he is a dork. An absolute goof of a person. Dimitri canonically thinks so-bad-its-good puns and jokes are hilarious. His own style of telling jokes is saying things that may or may not have contextual humor in a normal voice and then claiming after the fact that he intended it as such. Now, his supports with Alois are absolute factual proof of the so-bad-its-good humor, but might I also direct your attention to the scene before the battle against Miklan in Conand Tower (the event name is “Tower in a Storm (Blue Lions)”). Basically, Gilbert is explaining the history behind Conand Tower and Dimitri says, in an incredibly earnest voice, “You’re very well informed, Gilbert. Please, tell us more.” This is a joke. Supposed to be, at least. The delivery is somewhat emphasized, but not in a recognizably sarcastic way. Gilbert, who knew Dimitri very well when he was young, realizes it’s a joke after a second. But there are other things Dimitri says that I believe are his bad “jokes” and since nobody knows him well enough to tell, they don’t call him on it. There’s no proof, but his line in the Lord’s intro where he says, “And here I thought you were acting as a decoy for the sake of us all.” to Claude has to be an attempt at sarcasm. Dimitri is oblivious, but not stupid. In his Goddess Tower conversation with Byleth, when discussing the topic of wishes, he says, “Perhaps it would make more sense for me to wish that we’ll be together forever. What do you think?” In a completely normal voice. Following are two speech bubbles of “...” before he laughs and proclaims that it’s just a joke and that he’s getting better at telling them. Now, this is a two-parter because I see this as both his horribly awkward tendency to say things he feels without thinking too hard beforehand as well as his silly deadpan style of “jokes”. Granted, he does apologize. Dimitri’s got socially awkward zoomer humor. It’s endearing.

Here is a video of Dimitri hitting on Byleth pre-timeskip. I’m not sure how far it goes to endear someone to him, but the mostly awkward and occasionally smooth attempts of Dimitri’s flirtations are absolutely a highlight of his character. 

Now, this isn’t quite as cute as all that, but I think character arc and change do a lot for making a character feel more three-dimensional. Dimitri is hypocritically selfish. Although those are both negative terms, I don’t necessarily mean them as such, at least not in their totality. Both are things to overcome, which he does. And that’s why I feel like they’re a valid point of discussion when trying to explain the allure of his character.

The hypocritical part comes from the way he easily allows and forgives the flaws of others while constantly castigating himself for the same reasons. He says things that show an absurd amount of a lack of self-awareness. For example, he tells Edelgard, “Hm. You will prove a lacking ruler yourself if you look for deceit behind every word and fail to trust those whom you rely on.” All the while straight-up lying to and emotionally avoiding his friends. Dimitri also tells Marianne, when she is punishing herself for putting other people at risk, “What matters is that they came back safely in the end. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that.” Really, his C and B with Marianne is an exercise in hypocrisy. The standards Dimitri has for himself are incredibly, unattainably high. He’s setting himself up for failure in that way and, to an extent, knows what he’s doing because he knows that those same standards are too much for his friends and allies to meet. He wishes to take on everything himself. But, what I find so beautiful about this, is that Dimitri eventually realizes that he can’t do that. He is not strong enough to take on the weight of the world on himself, he comes to understand that it’s something he must allow himself to share with the people who care about him. He comes to realize that, as difficult as it is to accept, he is a weak person. Despite all of his introversion and inability to emotionally open up, he figures out that having a support system and allowing yourself to rely on people who love you is a necessity. Personally, I think this message is incredibly important in real life. Watching Dimitri come to that conclusion and argue it’s importance really rounded out his arc and journey as a person. Now, the relatability of this conclusion will differ, but I don’t think it has to do with his mental illness as much as it is a fundamental aspect of growth.

The selfishness is basically outlined above. Dimitri is selfish about his pain and secrets, purposefully and selfishly driving people away because he wants to keep the burden to himself. His vice is guilt and he indulges in the pain of it like an addiction. Hatred, too, is a drug. He thinks he needs it to keep going, even though all it does is bring agony to himself and others around him. Learning to accept and let go of these feelings is, again, something I think is important and a character arc that I really love, especially when you see him suffer as much as he does. Now, the execution of this is lacking, I admit. But that’s an issue for another time I think.

I am not quite sure if I did much to change your opinion, but this is all I can think of for now. There is probably a lot more than I’ve left out because I think about Dimitri far too much to be healthy. So, I’ll leave you off with some honorable mention aspects of his character that I think are super fun:

Pre-timeskip Dimitri has his hair tucked behind his ear. He can lift a wagon by himself. In the DLC, when faced with an impossible-to-open gate, it was not muscle man Balthus who said he couldn’t open it, but twinkish teen Dimitri. He’s not really smooth with one-liners. Like, at all. Notably, when attacking Manuela post-timeskip, he says, “Perhaps I should have appeared before you holding a bouquet of flowers, rather than the weapon that will end your life.” Adding to this, at one point, Dimitri fucked up a pick-up line so badly the girl came after him. Areadbhar has a mitten on it in the Azure Moon final picture. He breaks everything. His Crest activation ability even supports this, using twice the durability of any given Combat Art. One of his post-timeskip counselor messages is, “I lived in the slums for a long time, and I saw how the people there suffered from poverty and the ravages of war. There must be something I can do to save them." His room in the academy is right next to Sylvain’s, meaning that for almost an entire year Dimitri was a single wall away from hearing whatever nonsense Sylvain was getting up to. Dimitri is the only Lord that takes the throne and doesn’t abandon his people in some form or another.

And, finally, he is pretty sexy. And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

[nightlock-1989]

Side-Parts and Skinny Jeans

A short story about what happens when Millennials find out Gen Z is ripping on their precious side-parts and skinny jeans.

Context: I am a 31 year old proud Millennial. I graduated in 2007. One day, scrolling through Tik Tok, I kept seeing things about old people and their side-parts and skinny jeans. I googled it and what do you know? Forget the Boomers because the Zoomers are targeting us now. Thought it might make a good Everlark story. You can also find it on AO3 here.

Takes place in September so that school could be in person again. Enjoy!

September 2021              

The first week back when school begins is always taxing on both the students and staff. Add in 18 months of virtual learning at home and it’s a surprise that everyone isn’t already passed out in Haymitch Abernathy’s yard a victory.

It’s always been a tradition. The principal hosts the school staff the first Friday after the school year begins for a barbeque and alcohol. Normally alcohol is always aplenty since it’s Haymitch but this year everyone is a little even more stressed.

Effie Trinket, the school secretary is walking around with a tray of Jell-O shots.

“Thanks, Trinkie,” Haymitch gruffs before slurping down a green one and handing one to the English teacher Peeta Mellark. He hesitates briefly before Delly Cartwright, pulls it out of his hands and slurps it down.

“Very nice,” Haymitch remarks.

“Thank you, Mr. Abernathy,” she responds.

“You know you can call him, Haymitch; right?” Finnick O’Dair, history teacher, reminds.

“HA,” Peeta responds.

“He’ll always be Mr. Abernathy,” Delly tells.

“You’re 28,” Finnick says

“Doesn’t matter,” Katniss Everdeen, biology teacher and Peeta Mellark’s lifelong crush strides forward.

“Sweetheart,” Haymitch gestures.

“Mr. Abernathy,” Katniss greets.

Peeta and Delly both point fingers at Finnick.

“Grill’s ready,” Effie hollers.

Katniss takes a Jell-O shot and sighs before tipping it back.

“Is this the first time we’ve all drank together?” Delly asks gesturing between Peeta and Katniss.

Katniss, Peeta, and Delly were in the same grade at District 12 high; however, only Delly and Peeta hung out. Katniss kept to herself for the most part, having a difficult life. Katniss was the newest hire at District 12, having transferred over from 8 last year. She didn’t attend last year’s barbeque to Peeta’s sadness.

When Peeta saw Katniss in the auditorium for in-staff training, he nearly fainted and when he realized she lived in the same apartment village, he thought he would have a heart attack. Although she still sports her signature braid every now and then, she’s taken to wearing her hair down and walks with a new-found confidence that has only made her sexier. Everyone knows how much he likes her, except Katniss.

“Probably,” Katniss answers heading over to the kiddie pool filled with beer. She bends down to pick one up, giving Peeta the perfect view of her ass. Her jeans fit like a second glove and Delly smacks Peeta in the chest to get him to stop gawking.

The food is ready, and everyone dishes up. The alcohol and conversation flow generously.

Haymitch begins telling a story about how for seniors, they have alternatives for the seniors who have a lot of detentions left to serve. Instead of serving one detention at a time, they can pick up trash or volunteer for a student event.

“So, we needed someone to remove the gum from under all the auditorium seats.”

Katniss groans.

“All 896. I offer to free up 4 detentions. Sweetheart had 12. No one is taking it, but I can tell that I’ve got some interest peaked. I get up to 7 and Katniss sees Johanna about to pounce. She screams, “I volunteer, I volunteer.””

“Well, I wasn’t the only one who volunteered,” Katniss reminds before looking at Peeta.

“Sweetheart, you aren’t even the butt of this story. Then, the boy over here,” he says while gesturing to Peeta who puts his face into his hands, “also volunteers. I was only looking for one.”

“You let us both though,” Katniss says.

“The deal was for seven detentions total,” Haymitch emphasizes.

“But seven of mine did get wiped out,” Katniss says.

“Exactly,” Haymitch points out. “The boy didn’t even have any detentions.”

Everyone but Peeta and Katniss roar with laughter.

“Wait, what? I’m so confused,” Katniss says more to herself because she’s at that point of intoxication.

“You really always have been Brainless,” Johanna Mason, physical education teacher teases. “Let’s get another beer,” she says, pulling Katniss with her.

Delly’s phone chimes so she takes a look. Peeta, still mortified is keeping his eyes on the two girls but he stops staring when he hears, “Miss Cartwright, Miss Everdeen, Miss Mason.”

“What’s that,” he asks looking towards her phone. Delly has open the Tik Tok app and the short video shows video of the respective teachers at the same time as their name.

“Side parts and skinny jeans…….so old,” the voice in the video adds.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Delly shrieks as she chucks her beer bottle into the yard.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Johanna asks.

Delly is in such a mini-rage that she picks up her fold up chair and also chucks that off of the deck. She reaches for the outdoor end table before Finnick grabs her wrist and pulls her into him.

“Are you okay, Delly?” Katniss attempts to rush forward but trips in the process. Peeta rushes to help her up.

“We,” Delly emphasizes by pointing to all the young teachers, “have all had to deal with fucking everything. School shootings, terrorist attacks on live TV, two fucking wars, the housing market crashing, a great fucking recession, $4.00 gallons of gas, a global pandemic, ANOTHER FUCKING RECESSION….and now THIS. I’M NOT EVEN 30,” she finishes before letting out a guttural moan. Katniss leans in closer to Peeta, obviously scared before Johanna marches up to Delly who is holding up her phone.

They all crowd around and watch the offending video. It is showing the various female teachers and on the bottom is a tally marking all the women who have a side part and skinny jeans.

Johanna is first to break the silence by grabbing her folding chair and hurling it off the deck.

“Those little Tide-Pod eating Zoomers can go rot in hell.”

“Yeah, why can’t they just nearly succumb to alcohol poisoning in the cornfield like we did?” Delly cries.

“I like my side part,” Katniss says to herself.

“I have full-bodied hair. A middle part is boring,” Delly whines.

“Do they want us to wear the stupid mom jeans that they’re donning?” Johanna volleys back.

“Would they like it if we just went back to fucking ultra-low-rise jeans and had our thongs on display again because I’m not going back to that, Finnick,” Delly sobs into his chest.

“I didn’t say anything,” Finnick interjects staring cluelessly at Peeta.  “Wait, wasn’t this like a thing in the spring?”

“They didn’t make a fricken Tik Tok that specifically targeted us then” Johanna states.

“Does this mean I have to give up my skinny jeans?” Katniss asks to the empty space next to her.

“Don’t even think that, your ass looks fantastic in them,” Peeta answers.

Everyone goes quiet and stares at Peeta. He is perplexed before he realizes he actually said that out loud.

“No—I didn’t mean that,” Peeta begins before backtracking, “You know what, I didn’t mean that either…. I’m just going to go over there.” He heads down the deck stairs and grabs one of the chairs and plops down on it.

There is an awkward silence before Finnick says, “you should just side part your hair even harder.”

All three girls light up before agreeing. Katniss looks out and sees Peeta sitting alone. Delly tilts her head in a “go talk to him” motion, Finnick smiles and nods, and Johanna mimics a blow job.

Katniss orders an Uber before she heads over to Peeta.

“Peeta,” Katniss begins. He looks up with such sadness that Katniss interrupts him before he can even start, “Why’d you volunteer?”

“Um,” he stalls. “You know what, fuck it,” he resigns. “I had a huge crush on you growing up and I just wanted a reason to hang out with you.”

“So, you volunteered to remove chewing gum off hundreds of seats during our spring break?”

“Yep,” he answers with a pop.

“You know you only said like four words that whole time we were cleaning up?”

“That’s because when I’m around you, I feel like a mumbling idiot. Even now, 10 years after high school, you make me feel like- “He is interrupted by Katniss’s lips. She pulls back and smiles.

“Um, how drunk are you?”

“Definitely Ubering……. but I’ll definitely remember this in the morning.” She leans in again. He breaks apart long enough for him to stand and continue the kiss. Cheering can be heard from the deck causing both of them to laugh.

“Did you mean what you said about how good I look in these skinny jeans?”

“They look amazing on you.”

She leans up and whispers in his ear, “I think they’d look a lot better on your bedroom floor.” An alert sounds on Katniss’s phone. “Uber is here.”

Peeta wastes no time in grabbing her hand and practically dragging her to the car.

Effie comes out with another round of Jell-O-Shots while Haymitch grabs one.

“To young love,” he says.

“To side parts,” Delly adds.

“To skinny jeans,” Johanna finishes.

“We’re going to tease them mercilessly on Monday; right?” Finnick asks.

“Duh,” Delly states while everyone laughs.

Monday morning comes around and true to what Finnick suggested, their side parts are more pronounced, and they are all donning skinny jeans, their own form of mini rebellion.

And once again, Katniss’s pair ends up on Peeta’s floor that night.

[sonicringnoise]

Have a Jak 3 rant

Okay, I need to talk about Jak 3 and just...how absolutely janky the plot is. 

This rant is extremely long, so I put it under the cut.

First of all, I just want to point out, I love this game. I love it so much, and it’s my favorite out of the trilogy. But it just...it could have been so much better, guh.

And I know that development of this game was rushed (hell, it only came out a year after Jak 2), but I’m still going to rant about it!

It starts out just fine, with the Wasteland and Spargus and the arena, but it gets so weird as it goes on. Just...really disjointed.

We never really find out why Jak keeps going after eco crystals. Seriously, he gets a dark eco crystal from the Dark Maker at the beginning of the game, a light eco crystal from Seem, and just...starts collecting them, for some reason? Like, was he going to make a necklace? Start a rock collection? It’s never explained.

But whatever, it turns out those are needed later in the game to save the world. Fine.

After some Spargus-y missions, we then go...to the Monk Temple. You know, the temple. That’s never been mentioned before, and we didn’t even know existed, but we just went up there to explore and stuff and...

Like, how hard would it have been to have a line where Seem says, “We monks live far to the north, in a temple in the mountains.”

Then we’d at least have a reason to go there. But no, instead we just show up there and start poking around. 

This is one of my biggest issues with the game. In Jak 2, there are cutscenes that set up these missions, or even communications in gameplay that tell us where to go. In Jak 3, there’s just...a lot of that missing.

But, fine. Whatever, Jak has, like, ESPN or something.

At the volcano, Jak gets a dark power of invisibility, I guess. But only when he touches certain statues, and it’s only ever really used to get past a few traps and then never again.

Oddly enough, this was something that...made sense? I mean, invisibility is actually a power that dark eco has. Remember in Jak 2, there were metal heads who could turn invisible. 

But it’s never used! And that complaint holds true for almost every power Jak gets. You basically use the powers when a prompt comes on screen to get through a one-time obstacle, and then never again. 

Then we find out Veger is talking to the monks, but no one ever really expands on why? Or how? Like, for a city hidden in the Wasteland and forgotten, a lot of fucking people know it exists! 

Speaking of which...

We meet Ashelin in the desert and she begs us to come back to Haven City. Jak asks her how she knows Damas and she answers, “It doesn’t matter now.”

Excuse me??

It totally does matter! If Ashelin knows Damas, it begs the question: does she know that Jak is his son? Does she know the Kid is his son? Does she even know about the Kid? 

I mean, Ashelin would almost have to know that Jak is Damas’ son: during this scene, she gives him his seal back and says, “Don’t you remember who you are?”

Whatever. Add that to the list of things that are never mentioned again.

Jak says he’s not coming back to the city, because he’s an angry teenager and he likes hanging around with his Sand Dad. 

This is immediately followed by Jak returning to Haven City.

We head to the Monk Temple, again for no reason. This time, we open up some doors and Pecker leads us back to the city. 

There is no explanation as to why Jak has a change of heart. I actually think that the scene where Damas and Jak had a heart-to-heart and he mentions his lost son should be here: it leads perfectly into Jak deciding that the Greater Good is more important than his feelings.

Instead, we get nothing. Nada. Zilch. Just Jak heading back to Haven City because it’s The Thing To Do.

We reach Haven City after a boss battle and meet with Samos and Keira. Samos sucks, but that’s in character. Keira has no lines in this scene, and only makes goofy faces. Seriously, look: 

That’s it, that’s the character. 

Like, what’s happening in this scene? What’s going on with you, Keira? Are you okay? Are you making bedroom eyes at Jak? Are you confused? Did you smoke some of your father’s funny herbs again?

(Again, I know Keira’s role got cut down a lot because they changed voice actors, but it’s...so...jarring for a normally prominent character to suddenly get shoved into the background.)

We do some missions for Torn and eventually find out that Erol is the bad guy. Never explained how Erol survived slamming his Zoomer into dark eco and exploding in front of a huge crowd, but at this point, it’s whatever. 

We continue on our journey: Tess is a furry, Samos is useless, Torn is...Torn. 

We get a scene with Sig where Jak and Daxter ask him about Damas and his job as a spy and all that stuff. Fine, well and good, except the following exchange happens:

Jak: You’re playing with people’s lives!

Sig: Why not? They played with mine.

I’m sorry??

There’s a story there, and I’d like to know! What the hell happened to Sig? Why is nothing ever explained??!!

We get some Dadmas feelings, then we head over to have a chat with Kleiver. And this happens:

Jak: Kleiver, I need to find some very special Precursor artifacts, but I’m running out of time.

...Are you?? Has that been established?

So, in one of the previous missions, Samos mentions over the communicator (during gameplay, not in a cutscene) that to activate some ruins in Haven Forest, you’ll need some artifacts. But all he says is this:

Samos: Mar wrote that there was some ancient ruins to the west that were activated by five special artifacts and revealed wondrous truths. I'll see what I can find out.

That’s it! There’s never a cutscene where Samos says you need to find the Holo Cube, the Quantum Reflector, the Beam Generator, the Prism, and...by the way, there is no 5th artifact. Samos, you’re full of shit.

(Unless the Eco Sphere you get from Seem towards the end counts, but it’s very unclear.)

And, by the way, I had to Google those artifact names. The artifacts are never actually named until you acquired them in-game. Jak just finds random artifacts and is like, “Welp, this’ll do it! How convenient!”

Sigh.

Once we get all these artifacts no one told us about, we’re told to go take a cab down to the center of the earth. We don’t do that, and instead blow some shit up to visit our friends in person again. 

(Quarantine mood, really.)

And, again, I can’t get over how much of a non-character Keira is. Seriously, she just stands there and claps like a 3-year-old.

And we also come to my own personal pet peeve: the scene where Ashelin strips Veger of his title.

I can’t with this shit.

The biggest issue I have with this game, from a story standpoint, is how quickly the inciting incident is resolved. Like, Jak being banished is the whole reason we have a Jak 3. The city turned against him; his anti-hero choices in Jak 2 led to him being blamed for the war in Jak 3. It made sense.

But Ashelin decides, 75% through the game, to just be like, “Naw, Veger, fuck you. Get out of my face, buh bye.”

It just pisses me off, because if Ashelin had that power, why didn’t she use it before Jak was banished??

And why is Jak okay with this? Why is Moody McAngerface not even a little annoyed that she didn’t care enough to do this when he was dying of heatstroke in the desert?

Uuuuuuggggghhhhh guys I don’t understand.

So we see Vin again, blow some more stuff up, fight Erol, and get some tentacle wings. Seem acts all nice to us and gives us a present we didn’t know we needed. More Dadmas ensues, we see the Dark Maker ship for some reason, blow even more stuff up.

Finally, it’s time to head to the catacombs. We get into some trouble with Dark Makers (even though there’s only, like, three of them), and Damas busts through the goddamn wall in a car.

No idea how he got here, considering the Wasteland appears to be an island, but whatever, it’s a badass scene.

Then, because Jak can’t have anything nice, they get hit and crash the car all over Damas’ legs.

Seriously, dude, I get that you might be dying from blood loss, but why are you coughing, your lungs are fine.

So Damas dies, Jak is his long-lost son, it’s very sad, and Veger you piece of shit.

I will forever be salty that Veger, who was an overall excellent villain, was sidelined for Erol of all people. Admittedly, Jak 2 did the same thing with Praxis, but Kor was a much better Big Bad than Erol.

Regardless, we then get the Worst Plot Twist Ever, when we find out the Precursors are ottsels.

k.

Moving on from that tragedy, we then get to fight Erol. The fight sucks, it’s boring and I hate driving the stupid Wasteland buggies.

And then the end comes, and my blood pressure skyrockets. Somewhere, my PCP senses a disturbance.

The Precursors being ottsels is stupid, but Jak telling them to call him “Mar” is even stupider. First of all, Jak does not seem like the kind of person to get sentimental over his birth name. It’s weird, and I don’t like it.

Second of all, the ottsel leader calls him Mar once, directly after that. And then never again. 

Seriously, 90 seconds after Jak says he wants to be known as Mar, this happens:

I’m sorry, what’s that?

Why would you add that line in about Jak wanting to be called by his birth name, and then ignore it a minute and half later??!!

It just infuriates me. There’s a lot of stuff in Jak 3 that does this: it’s touched on once, then it’s gone forever.

And let’s talk about Daxter’s wish. I actually find this particular decision - where Daxter chooses to wish for pants instead of being human again - totally believable. 

Despite how much Daxter is regarded as the comic relief idiot of the duo, he’s actually shown to be pretty sharp. He’s definitely observant. And at this point, remember that he’s already seen the Precursors at work: he saw them turn Veger into an ottsel.

So Daxter probably realized that these guys were on some monkey paw, be-careful-what-you-wish-for bullshit and decided to wish for the most innocuous thing he could. Who knows what would happen if he actually asked to become human again? Might come out lookin’ like Samos.

And he’s right, by the way! Look at what those assholes did to my baby Tess. They could’ve just got her a size 6 pair of Levi’s and been like, “Here, boom, pants.” 

But nooo, they turned her into an ottsel, too, because why not why the fuck not nothing matters ahhhhHHHHHHHHH

...

...

Anyway, like I said, Jak 3 is my favorite in the series. It had such potential. It’s like a puzzle that’s missing pieces. I like it more for what it could have been, rather than the absolute mess it actually is.

[365days365movies]

January 12, 2021: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) (Part 1)

Hey, uh...

I can’t remember if I’ve seen this movie or not.

OK, HEAR ME OUT HERE. I was 9 years old when this movie came out in the USA, and I vividly remember the buzz around this movie when it came out in theaters. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, for those of you who don’t know, is the movie that really introduced wuxia to the United States in the modern century. Directed by Ang Lee - y’know, this guy...

...buuuuuuuuuut, also this guy...

AND YET, still this guy...

- this movie has won a HELL of a lot of awards, and was the critical darling of 2000. And again, I know some of you Tumblrites (goddamn Zoomers DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER NICKELODEON ORANGE AS A COLOR??? Kidding, by the way, y’all are cool) may not be old enough to remember that time, but lemme tell you: this movie was a Mandarin-language movie nominated for Best Picture. Not just Best Foreign Language Film (which it WON), but BEST. PICTURE. Trust me. It was a big deal at the time. 

The film actually did win Best Original Score, Best Art Direction, and Best Cinematography. And as I watch this, I’m going to be remembering both the time period it came out in, and the film that actually won Best Picture that year. What won Best Picture that year, you ask? Well...

Yeah. But is CTHD better or worse than Gladiator? Well, that’s what I’m gonna try to figure out, as well as whether or not 9-year-old me saw this movie already. I don’t think so, so that’s why I’m watching it now. 

So LET’S GO BACK TO THE YEAR 2000, PEOPLE! We just got over that whole Y2K thing (only for the ILOVEYOU virus to pop up), the election was TOTALLY NORMAL (that’s a joke, it...it was not), AOL was the most successful internet company ever (HA! Classic. And Ask Jeeves is gonna last forever, I’m sure), and the below movie would win Best Makeup at the Oscars.

Yeah. Yeah, that’s an Academy Award-winning movie. How the hell does THAT make you feel? Makes me feel conflicted, I tell you what. ANYWAY MOVIE TIME SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat, the man himself), a member of the Wudang sect of swordsmen, is retiring. He goes to his old friend (and maybe more), and leader of a private security group, Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh), who asks her to deliver his personal sword, Green Destiny. Shu Lien goes to Beijing to deliver the sword to an ally of theirs, Sir Te (Sihung Lung), while Mu Bai goes to the grave of his master, who was killed by an assassin named Jade Fox.

In Beijing, Sir Te and Shu Lien talk about the whole “more than friends” thing between her and Mu Bai, and they go to store the sword in a study. There, Sir Te’s granddaughter, Jen (Zhang Ziyi), speaks to Shu Lien about the sword, and about the nature of swordsmanship. This serves an introduction into the world of wuxia swordmanship...and I am GODDAMN HOOKED IN

So is Jen, it would seem, as she speaks with admiration about the freedom that comes with the Way of the Sword (which is distinctly different from the Way of Sarah (Blessed Be Her Fall)). See, Jen’s about to get married, in that arranged way, and she’s not a fan of the whole marriage thing. I get the feeling that she’s planning on doing something about that.

But no time for existential crises now! Someone’s trying to steal Green Destiny! A ninja sneaks in and succeeds in stealing it, but Shu Lien attempts to stop them. However, the thief is trained in Wudan, much to Shu Lien’s surprise. A rooftop chase occurs, giving us the first display of the rampant wire work and loose physics characteristic of this genre, and GODDAMN IT FUCK YE-NO

Keep it together, man, you gotta treat this film critically and seriously, not like an excited little kid watch some kickass martial arts shit. Even though this fight scene is AWESOME, holy shit...

The thief succeeds, but only because a second assailant appears with a dart, distracting Shu Lien. In the morning, the night guard says it was someone from Governor Yu’s household. In the street, the attacker is believed to be the mysterious Jade Fox, who would covet the sword of the man she killed so long ago. Ugh, this movie already rules so hard. Anyway, Shu Lien comes to see Jen again, who’s currently writing calligraphy.

Shu Lien comments that calligraphy writing is similar to swordsmanship. Jen quickly notes that she wouldn’t know. She expounds again on her regrets on marriage, and Shu Lien explains that she was engaged to a fellow swordsman who died. And although Shu Lien and Li Mu Bai love each other, they both feel bound to their fallen friend, and do not act on their feelings. Oh my God, I’m digging this fated romance shit SO HARD

NO. Professionalism. Breathe...focus on the year 2000...Napster...Survivor and Fear Factor...Harry Potter...Pokemon the Movie 2000...Pokemon the Movie 2000: The Power of One...

...Whew. OK. Back to CTHD.

Jen rests in her home, while two people spy on the...Yus. Wait, Jen’s name is...Yu Jen. Um...it’s her. The ninja is Jen. You couldn’t see it in the GIFS, but the ninja could easily be a woman, no question. It’s totally Jen, acting on her desire to be a true swordsperson. I mean, look at her stare at that sword earlier in the movie. Calling it now, it’s her. But...who threw the dart from the rooftop?

Looks like it’s Jade Fox, as a man from earlier explains. See, he’s a police chief from another area, looking for Jade Fox. He believes that she’s somehow infiltrated the Yu household, possibly arriving with them to Beijing. Jade Fox killed the policeman’s wife, making this personal. Together, the policeman Tsai (Wang Deming) and the Night Guard Bo (Gao Xi’an) team up to find her.

They aren’t the only ones, as Li Mu Bai just arrived to Beijing to talk with Shu Lien, and finds out that Jade Fox ha returned. Remember, Jade Fox killed his master, so he has some stakes in this. Meanwhile that night, Tsai and Bo (Team Law) meet Jade Fox, AKA...Jen’s governess! NICE.

Jade Fox (Cheng Pei-pei) fights the...wait...wait WHAT DID I JUST TYPE???

CHENG PEI-PEI FROM COME DRINK WITH ME IS THE VILLAIN OF THIS MOVIE???

And now Chow Yun Fat is fighting one of the first wuxia film stars? OH MY GOD

Chow Yun Fat’s about to kill her to avenge his master, and then the mysterious ninja (AKA probably Yu Jen) saves her from him. The two of them fight, and Jade Fox kills Tsai just before they escape using a streamer HOOOOOOOO IT’S REAL HARD STAYING PROFESSIONAL RIGHT NOW

The next morning, though, Yu Jen learns more about Jade’s crimes, and expresses guilt about taking Green Destiny. Additionally, Shu Lien claims to know who the culprit is, and threatens them with punishment unless the sword is returned. Essentially confirming my suspicions, the ninja returns that night to put the sword back, and Mu Bai is waiting there for her.

Yet another physics-defying rooftop chase occurs, although this one is less frought. They actually refer to the gliding technique as “flying,” and as a technique of Wudan. Interesting, engaging, cinematical, movielian, I love it. I need more of it, MORE PLEASE.

Looks like I might get what I want. Mu Bai offers to be Jen’s teacher, as he sees great potential in her. But she shuns the ways of Wudan, allows Mu Bai to take back Green Destiny, and returns to Jade Fox. Jade Fox is trained as a Giang Hu fighter, a more brutal lifestyle. 

And yet, Jen isn’t really into that either. Turns out that she’s been studying the Wudan manual on her own, and has EFFORTLESSLY surpassed her illiterate former master. With nothing left to teach her, Jade Fox leaves with a veiled threat.

The next night, a man visits Jen, and they embrace passionately. He’s a bandit from the Gobi Desert named Lo, AKA Dark Cloud (Chang Chen), and the two met when his gang ambushed her caravan travelling through the desert. He stle her comb, and this girl just GETS ON A HORSE, GRABS A BOW AND ARROW, and HUNTS HIM DOWN LIKE A DOG FOR THAT COMB. She faces down the gang of bandits, and Dark Cloud leads her away, gives her water, and she KICKS HIS ASS!! But she asses out from exhaustion, and he takes her back to his Cave of Wonders.

He cares for her, and as soon as she regains her strength, she just knocks him out. Cold-blooded, goddamn. But she gets lost in the desert, and passes out again. Lo brings her BACK to the Cave of Wonders, and cares for her AGAIN. My dude is a PRINCE. I mean, he’s a thief and probably a murderer, and definitely a bad person, BUT NEVER MIND THAT FOR NOW.

As you probably guessed, Stockholm/Lima Syndromes set in, and the two fall in love...like you do?

But Jen’s nobleman father is looing for her, making trouble for Lo and his people. He vows to go legit and make himself worthy for her love in her father’s eyes. He tells a story of a boy who leapt off a mountain to save his parents. A literal leap of faith. In their last night together, she gives him the comb that brought them together, saying to give it back when they’re together again.

But now...Jen’s fated to marry, and it can’t be avoided. Lo gives the comb back to her, as she tells him to leave. And I...I need a break. If I don’t take a five minute break, Imma explode from how much I love this goddamn movie.

PART 2 COMING IN A FEW!!!