#having trust issues rn
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Health and Hybrids (XXVI)👽👻💚
[I can't remember the original prompt posters for the life of me but here's a mashup between a cryptid!Danny, presumed-alien!Danny, dp x dc, and the prompt made the one body horror meat grinder fic.]
🖤Chapter navigation can be found here🖤 Click to browse previous updates.
💚 Ao3 Is here for all parts 💚 (now featuring mediocre mouseover translations, only available on a computer)
Where we last left off... Danny has another hashtag breakdown! Diana helps mediate. Stinky Dad and the Alien Guy observe.
Trigger warnings for this story: body horror | gore | post-dissection fic | dehumanization (probably) | my nonexistent attempts at following DC canon. On with the show.
💚👻👽👻💚
“His control over his emotions slipped during the interview,” J’onn sighs, hovering alongside Bruce as they carry down the hall.
Bruce grunts. He isn’t quite capable of complicated speech yet. The teenage alien crying, too scared to let even the internationally-favorite, universally beloved Wonder Woman hold him without screaming…a person he already knew would take care of him…
J’onn continues, nevertheless. The thin privacy of his mind aside, Bruce has always appreciated the Martian’s understanding of Bruce’s oft-shifting moods. “His memories of his home and his family were tied up with extensive pain. I would continue under the assumption that his human family turned on him after discovering his nature—there may have even been collateral damage to others around them at the time.”
Bruce breathes in. Bruce breathes out.
“He thought himself akin enough to humans to be betrayed when he was seen as an 'other'. He knows that he is far from home, he knows that he has been targeted for his non-human traits and abilities, and he has reasons to think that he may not return again—what they are, I could not tell, but the sentiment was clear. This escape was purposeful, as was commandeering the vehicle he used to do so. He is alone. He is scared.”
“Known or unknown threat?” Bruce growls, not quite up to elongating his bite into a full sentence. J’onn is more than skilled enough to skim lightly over the words, and match them to Batman’s pointed fury.
“Our patient is familiar with the threat. I could not recognize the insignia or acronym from his memories, but they had enough resources to keep him captive and alive—without food or water. Likely, for a lengthy amount of time.”
Bruce’s near-running stride slows to a stop. J’onn, ever-patient, floats to a standstill beside him.
“No food,” Bruce confirms, just to make sure he heard correctly.
J’onn nods.
“No water.”
“There was an alternative method used to keep him alive, although the details weren’t significant to him in his flashback. The method may have been possible due to his minor healing ability, or something unique to his species.”
No food, Bruce thinks. No water. Kept alive as a function. Worried that he’s meant to be used as a weapon, kept in isolation, afraid of what humans in uniform might require of him for help.
This isn’t just torture. It is, specifically targeting a half-human entity, entirely purposeful dehumanization.
Of a child.
Of a child.
Bruce inhales. Bruce exhales.
This is not something that will be solved short-term. He has to keep an eye on the long-term goals for this teen—safety, recovery, reassurance, and reintegration.
Doable. All he has to do is break larger goals down into reasonable steps.
“Update the pediatric psychiatrist that Dr. Martin referred him to on the details.” Bruce’s demand comes out as flat as it gets. It is hard, when he’s stressed, to make his words hit with any intonation. Everything he forces out is precise. To the point.
J’onn nods. “I will.”
“This is personal medical information, to be accessed only on a need to know basis.”
J’onn floats slightly higher, something relaxed in his face. This is a significant gesture, meant to remind everyone involved that this is a child, not a resource, and not a mission to be solved. This is a patient. “Understood.”
“If you pass this on to Diana, do it in person. Minimizing documentation…” Bruce falters. There isn’t a strong, authoritarian way to phrase how he feels about being someone to store clinically cold information about a boy who had likely been imprisoned, if not actively experimented on, if not actively tortured. How he needed to minimize behaviors that would exactly model what was done to the boy by his captors.
A smile flickers over J’onn’s expression. It’s suitably fleeting, but it comes and it goes—and it’s extremely polite of him to emote so visibly for Bruce’s sake. He makes sure to project his appreciation as best he knows how—blindly, without a telepathic sense to know what J’onn will and will not see.
“Understood, Batman.”
Bruce grunts.
They split at the end of the hallway, each dedicated to their own tasks.
J’onn will inform the medical team of what triggers may affect their patient’s long-term recovery and the quality of their stay. He is a thorough and patient coworker, and Bruce is grateful to have him on his side.
Bruce, in the meantime, has a favor to ask of Alfred and Dick on their way back into Gotham; more importantly, this is a favor he has to ask of Alfred’s employment-provided Costco card.
*
There’s something new in Danny’s room.
He transfers himself into the wheelchair to look at it, scrambling down the bed the way the physical therapist taught him to—the new thing isn't at bed height, but it is pretty low, and it has a door that he could probably reach from seated height or standing.
The square thing’s door swings open.
Inside are…little water bottles. Canned juices. Those mushy fruit-filled bars, and something so obviously wrapped in a yellow Fig Einstein wrapper that even the gibberish non-English is super clear.
There’s a bunch of things. Just. So many; and all in a few different types, too. The whole thing is filled with so many choices.
…Huh.
There are disposable straws in the door. Danny has to borrow a nurse’s ID card to open the can tab in the end, and his unwrapping of a straw is more than a little shaky, but Danny takes his medication with a mango-pineapple juice blend instead of his usual cup of water, and he’s perfectly fine with that.
#this is short because it is technically the second half of chapter 25 however my me just happened to be slow about it#don't come @ me about reusable straws they're not disability friendly and kid's got mobility issues and a busted throat#the healing power of having little treats#little snacks even#also. the work in establishing trust that the medical team has put in is the ONLY reason Danny feels safe eating randomly appearing food#medical team is crying in the club rn#health and hybrids#dp x dc#danny phantom#dcu crossover#tw medical#tw body horror#tw gore#although at this point we're mostly a recovery fic#dpxdc#dcxdp#faer fic
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"Don't worry, I'm the strongest" "Nah, I'll win"
LIES LIES LIES
ALL MEN DO IS LIE
#this is why i have trust issues#you believe one (1) man and see what happens#he fucking dies and is dreaming about his man (!)#like are you kidding me rn#i hate him (affectionate)#jjk 236#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#sugusato#stsg#sgst#gege when i catch you gege#gege why#jjk manga spoilers
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kids when they hear that their dad is back in town VS. kids when theyre hanging out with a conman that accidentally stole their wallet once
im not even joking btw
bonus heres me being crazy about them in dms ^^^
#mob psycho 100#mp100#shou suzuki#sho suzuki#reigen arataka#i know sho doesnt actually BELIEVE his dad is back but even just that split second reaction is a weird one to have over your dad coming bac#he was like 'say sike rn... wait that aint right.'#shou watching them on the bottom floor while being isolated up in the corner at the end of the third stage play. and saying#'it's nice that they're so easygoing.' all wistfully???? im killing somebody#reigen calling him a poor thing and worrying about him DESPITE knowing his mischievous ways. ugh#gonna quote my reaction to clip rq#'bro [shou] heard him [reigen] talking about guardianship over children and making sure theyre safe over anything else and was like-#'this is getting too real for me i gotta make fun of him immediately.''#idc WHAT yall think to ME that was such a thick layer of defense mechanism that even though reigen's guardianship speech wasnt directed#at Sho he still felt the intrinsic urge to shoot back because of what hes experienced with people who are SUPPOSED to be protecting him.#would yall believe me if i told you i am totally insane#there are SO MANY THINGS. woven into their interactions that really enhance it#its totally silly! yes! but also! it is a legitimate ARC of GROWTH within their relationship! we watch as Sho starts off#with no trust in the man at all (although for a pretty good reason)#and over time he realizes hes NOT total shitbag#of course this doesnt mean hes completely vulnerable with him. its easy to infer that his distrust in certain people is formed from#a lifetime of being let down and incapability of dependency on certain trusted adults. his defense must be so heavily built up#even after gaining some sort of trust from Shou Reigen will NOT be exempt from his impish defense mechanisms.#sho will not make himself emotionally available as he would then be open to being hurt by someone else he thought could trust#his 'carefree and prankish' behavior is the wall between himself and such an intense feeling of disappointment and hurt and loneliness#but i like to think hes also just silly. hehe#man that stage play huh. shoots every fatal drug directly into my bloodstream#shou's trust and father issues VS stupid conman who has the common sense to not let children be beat up by grown ass adults. who will win.#i mightve forgotten something but. i think this is pretty packed full already so i am pleased. thank you for reading <3#meowmeow art
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Batman #149 by chip zdarsky is mostly unremarkable, but I'm really fascinated by how it makes a great case for 'good' endings not saving 'bad' stories*. Because there's a lot of interesting concepts in this issue (bruce having to deal with his rapidly aging and decaying clone making him think about his own life, re-establishing a 'nest' so to speak for his family after pushing them away, etc) but bc of the OOC slog that came before it, almost every moment w/ the batfamily comes off as unearned and disingenuous imo.
Like, everything with Damian is the perfect example in this. Because in isolation it's...fine. admittedly it's a missed opportunity to not go deeper into how Damian would feel about a clone of his dad who tried to kill considering Damian's relationships with clones of himself (the heretic rejects and respawn) or with former enemies who wanted him dead but who were manipulated and/or brainwashed (like suren and maya).
Zdarsky doesn't go into any of this but you could maybe excuse it as the issue not being about Damian. However, coupled with the previous bizarre characterizations of Damian in 147 and 148, it ends up not being fine- instead it starts to feel...icky how Damian (who, despite often being drawn and written as white, will never have his connection to the non-white al ghuls forgotten and will always be effected by racism even when not portrayed as a poc) is constantly written as overly violent, uncaring and narrow minded in this run. Coupled w/ trying to recanonize the morrison origin for Damian it's like. OH this is badly written and laden with subtle bigotry, sick**
That's me going into detail on it with Damian but it's applicable to other things in this issue- the way Cass, Steph and Duke have all been ignored or turned into jobbers makes their inclusion in the 'family' here feel hollow instead of satisfying. Bruce proclaiming that Zur was still a part of him and he needs to accept responsibility for his actions (when it means taking in clone son) wrings hollow when just last issue zdarsky was bending over backwards to separate Bruce and Zur bc otherwise the Jason thing would get really awkward. Ends are achieved through means that feel hollow or strange. I'm at my destination but damn why'd the bus have to do all that???
I only really have opinions on this latest arc of zdarskys Batman bc it's the one I've read the closest (bc I'm a hater, masochist and avid follower of even the bad damian storylines) but it's not saying great things.
Bc zdarsky can do one thing good in this book, and it's write Bruce and Tim. And yet this entire story, whether of his own volition or editorial mandate, includes other characters who aren't Bruce and Tim, the fabric starts to unravel in very telling ways.
(p.s, I think pennyworth manor is an interesting idea but I feel like in execution it's just gonna be 'bruce living in a house haunted by the memory of the people he couldn't save' but with a different dead guy this time. Illusion of change and whatnot)
*whether or not the ending is good is up to you ofc, as is your opinion on the proceeding arc! I saw some ppl complain that the ending was too "WFA" for them, which I get even if I dont think it'll literally be the same premise. If anything it's probably a lead into the new tec run. Likewise many ppl who aren't in the weeds of Damian and Jason characterization liked the previous arc! But I have my opinions and rest my case before the bench
**disclaimer, I'm white and portrayals of bigotry in comics are complicated and subjective, but I am basing my point here off what other poc comic fans on socmed have been saying about 149. Also the "sick" is sarcasm incase that wasn't obvious
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#bruce wayne#uhhh. not gonna tag the others i dont have time#batman#idk if the zdarsky series has its own tag#anyway yeah. i saw some interesting discussions surrounding 149 and it got me thinking#the experience of reading the issue is inoffensive until i remember how we got here and then all of a sudden i start to feel downright evil#the bruce/zur separation thing pisses me off so bad. MOTHERFUCKER YOU WERE JUST SAYING LAST ISSUE THAT NONE OF IT WAS HIM#and maybe we were meant to agree w Bruce and not Jason in that issue but if that's the case. piss poor job demonstrating it#Bruce never really faces like. interpersonal consequences from the family that last beyond an issue#which is WILD considering the shit he pulled back before they knew he was having a menty b (mental breakdown for those who dont know)#the damian thing is just like. its such clear author bias in ways both lowkey funny and also. not funny. at all#i know a lot of ppl on here didnt vibe w/ batman and robin by joshua williamson but like#i cannot stress enough how he was one of the ONLY ppl in damians corner and now hes leaving that series#he says he approves of the new creative teams assigned but also they're his coworkers. so i dont trust SHIT until its in my hands#anyway one day I'll give a more good faith reading of zdarskys Batman and i do wanna read his daredevil some day#but as it stands he suffers from terminal ''has seemingly never read a comic not abt my special white boys and refuses to try''#which means everyone is going to have to suffer through my haterism#also sorry for no images. i really want to but i just don't have the wherewithal to do alt text rn
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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I started in DC by reading fanfics, but as I began to read actual comics, I started to be unable to read the actual fanfic that got me into it in the first place because it's so out of character.
But there are still some stories that I love to read because I love the found family trope so much, even if it isn't really accurate to the source material.
As a comics purist (sometimes), are there tropes that you like enough that you'll still enjoy a fic even if it's not accurate to canon?
oh my god this is SUCH a fun question. bc while i started with the comics, there were certain characters and/or character dynamics where i was exposed to the fanon before the canon (just bc it's hard to read everything when you start out just to read some fanfic) and so i've definitely experienced the fanon to canon transition. (*especially* with Jason Todd. i had only read 80s/90s stuff where he was already dead or the New-52 bc that was on-going when i got into comics and man. the fanon misunderstandings i had about him before i got frustrated and sat down to read all his pre-Flashpoint stuff were absolutely bonkers.) and aside from that, whilst i tend to prefer canon over fanon, i'm not past giving fanon its flowers for occasionally having really interesting insights. occasionally. so some of my fanon "guilty pleasure" tropes would probably be
Morally Grey Tim Drake - this is one where if you try to back it up with canon, i *will* get salty about it. of everyone in the Batfam aside from maybe Bruce and Cass, Tim has the *most* black and white morals. often his internal conflicts are routed in such an inability to compromise his moral views and it can cause him to clash with other characters. he's *very* stiff and rigid in his beliefs and is *rare* to compromise in even the smallest ways. i mean, DC has repeatedly used Tim Drake of Tomorrow/Savior/Gun Batman!Tim for a reason. it's to demonstrate that of everyone, Tim *cannot* have his morals compromised. there's no grey area for him. he's zero or a hundred, so if he tips over the edge of "too far" he tips *all the way*, and doing so is one of his worst fears, how he could go "too far" if he let himself. a couple panels out of context from Red Robin (2009) (which was a grief spiral for Tim to begin with) don't change that. now that said. if it's done *right*, i sort of love Tim being morally grey in fanfic. it takes a specific flavor for me, and it's incredibly important to include that mental spiral along with it, of him struggling to justify it. i don't have any interest in "Tim Drake is loosy goosy with Bruce's morals and has the highest kill count and no one knows teehee" bc it doesn't play with the interesting parts of making Tim morally grey, which are fracturing his psyche. but all in all, i think it's fun to put Tim in a morally grey area and i will read it in fanfic and i enjoy writing it a lot
Joker Junior!Tim Drake - i've not written it on this account (yet) but on my main ao3 account one of my biggest fics surrounds this concept. this is one of those "well *technically* it's canon but only in a specific very divorced from the comics universe and would not work at all in the main timeline" so, i categorize it as fanon in that 95% of fics exploring the concept are not doing so within the Batman Beyond universe, but the main timeline. i just love it. I'll take any excuse to whump Tim, but this concept is so fun. psychologically breaking Tim will always be my favorite pastime. there are so many ways to explore the long-term effects this could have on him, how it could affect the Batfam. i'm not a fan of it being used as a "gotcha" to Jason or Babs' trauma with the Joker to paint Tim as the Ultimate Victim, but it is fun to see how their relationships would be affected by being mutual victims of him. (i have a vague JayTim idea where TIm fully retires from being Robin after being Joker Junior and killing the Joker, making Steph Robin for most of his typical Robin era and Jason still tracks him down out of curiosity bc he wants to know what happened and all. very underbaked but i've got thoughts.)
Renegade/Apprentice of Slade!Dick Grayson - this is another one where yes, this happened *sort of* in canon, but i highly doubt most people writing Renegate!Dick have read or are actually pulling from Nightwing: Renegade. it's just an exploration fo the concept fo Dick being Slade's apprentice and i will always eat it up in any capacity. whether Dick grows up with Slade from a young age, or chooses Slade for whatever reason later in life. it's not anything that works in canon bc it compromises Dick morally (similar to the above with Tim) and therefore will always come across incredibly fanon in most fics. but i can't say i don't enjoy it. it's fun to make Dick a little morally fucked up and see what you can make him under Slade's tutelage.
Jason & Damian Meeting in the League -there's no world where i believe this could work in the canon comics. (maybe in the Young Justice cartoon i suppose, but even then i think it's iffy) i would go as far to say it's wildly unrealistic. i don't see a world where Ra's would let Jason anywhere *near* Damian, bc Jason was Talia's pet project that he didn't approve of. that all said, there's something very interesting about how they *could've* met and them potentially bonding during that timeframe. them being somewhat brotherly during this time because Jason sees Bruce in Damian and sort of latches onto the kid and Damian is full of wonder hearing real stories about Batman and Robin, then that getting violently ripped away by Jason leaving the League is fun to me. it's fun how that could affect them within the Batfam and all. it's super fanon to me, but i do not care. i will eat it up
Bad Dad Clark Kent/Good Dad Lex Luthor - i will admit as a late, i've been less and less kind to this particular fanon bc of everything i've argued with people about, *this* one seems the most pervasive as misunderstood fanon. i don't mind when fanon exists, my gripe is when ppl try to claim it's canon. and the *arguments* i've had over this with people who can never seem to cite an actual comic are... frustrating. but that said, i think there is something fun to this strictly in fanon. the duality of who you expect to accept Kon and who you expect to hurt him being flipped is just sort of fun for the occasional guilty pleasure fic. it can make Kon's internal conflict a bit more interesting. the same goes for the Jon favoritism from Clark, it's not a canon thing (and i rlly wish ppl understood how complicated the timeline of Kon and Jon is and any distance from Clark toward Kon isn't malice, it's that Kon is from a timeline that Clark does not remember in the current canon so Clark just straight up doesn't know the poor kid.) but it's sort of fun to give Kon that complex of being overlooked and forgotten sometimes. making Kon just a *bit* more Luthor than Kent will *always* appeal to me in fanfic, especially if he *knows* it's wrong but craves approval from anyone who will give it.
Good Dad Bruce Wayne - i'll die on the hill Bruce is canonically a shitty father. maybe not to the extreme some people write him as, but he's not great at it. that said, i enjoy it in fanfiction. sometimes, i just want silly fluff or hurt/comfort where Bruce finally gets it right and manages to comfort whatever Batkid is in the fic. one of my favorite fics of all time is hinged on Bruce being a good dad, so i think it's just fun to explore how good the relationships *could* be, if Bruce was slightly less of an asshole. i usually prefer him as an asshole, but there are times i want low stakes nonsense.
Gotham Rogues Having Soft Spots for Robin(s) - just about every Rogue in Gotham has done something absolutely irredeemable, and most of them don't like or care about anyone in the Batfamily. but if there's a fic where one of the Robins inexplicably is sort of close with a Rogue and they have a cute silly relationship out of it? I'll eat it up i fear. Steph and the Riddler are besties? I'll believe it. Tim and Scarecrow get along pretty well? give me ten of these. Rogues protecting Robins just hits a spot. the unexpected nature of the relationship, as well as the fact they see each other regularly, can make a lot of good fodder.
#necrotic answerings#canon vs fanon#batfanon#batfamily#I was *going* to include “Janet and Jack Drake are bad parents”#then realized I don't really like that fanon anymore.#but I used to go *hard* for it even knowing it wasn't canon. it was all projection but still#nowadays I think the tragedy of Tim losing his parents the way he did is *far* worse if they loved him and were good to him.#I'm so serious about the Kon thing i've had *nasty* arguments where ppl got so rude to me telling me to “Google it”#like listen I get it. kon's canon backstory is currently difficult to understand#the timeline of the superboy mantle is a little confusing and most people have not read young justice (2019)#so for fanon it's far easier to simplify it as “clark just kinda sucks to kon” and i enjoy that#but the canon is also fun. it's fun when you consider how fucked up it is most people don't remember kon#and the timeline he remembers doesn't exist anymore.#also technically since they never killed off new-52!superboy on page there could be two superboys/kon-els running around rn. who knows.#i like to believe there is bc it's funny.#i have wanted to write a new-52!konkon/tim/kon sandwich#with the “is it selfcest or not” question#bc new-52!kon wasn't a clone of clark and lex.#so like. he's arguably a different character just sharing the name kon-el for some reason#also on the nightwing: renegade thing i know *damn* well most fanon-only fans haven't read it (no shade in that)#bc the fanon crowd despises devin grayson and she wrote it.#one day i'll write a meta about fandom treatment of devin grayson trust me.#this question was SO fun#i feel like i should have more answers?#if you'd asked me like six months ago this list would be three times as long#but the more i exist in this fandom somehow the saltier i get idk what's happening#so now i'm more and more attached to canon#but i will never begrudge someone for liking fanon#like i said my issue with it is the confusion of what is canon
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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All these reassurance posts/videos/etc. are so fucking useless that I cannot help but sneer everytime I run across one, because I know myself as a direct rebuttal to their ""proof"" they use to reassure social anxieties.
"What if they secretly hate me" — "They're close friends with you/your lover for a reason. If they hated you, they wouldn't stick around." except I stuck around. Stick around, even. I know people's actions aren't necessarily correlated with their feelings, because I Do That. Don't pretend like it's not possible for close friends or significant others to secretly hate you, for I've done that, therefore it is very much possible.
"What if they only pretend to like me out of a sense of obligation" — "No one has the time to hang out and pretend to like you. They're there because they enjoy spending time with you." except every social interaction I have in my life is done due to a sense of obligation. I don't ever enjoy spending time with people, including those that consider me a close friend. Don't pretend like it's not possible for close friends or significant others to pretend to have fun with you, for I've done that, therefore it is very much possible.
"What if they'll suddenly leave me one day" — "Someone who's spent Years side by side with you won't suddenly leave you; bonds are stronger than that." except that is how the majority of my social contacts had ended thus far. At the drop of a hat, regardless how long or "close" the bond was. Don't pretend like it's not possible for close friends or significant others to suddenly leave you, for I've both done that And had it happen to me, therefore it is very much possible.
"What if they find me annoying" — "They'd not display enthusiasm in your interests if they weren't interested too, let alone encourage you to go on." except I always encourage others to do so despite finding them incredibly annoying, since that's vital for one to feel comfortable. Don't pretend like it's not possible for close friends or significant others to fake enthusiasm and interest, for I've done that, therefore it is very much possible.
"What if they're lying when they say they love me" — "There are literally zero reasons to lie about that." except it's ridiculously easy to lie and there are so, so many reasons to do so. Some malicious, some not. Mine usually isn't, but that doesn't matter or change the core truth. Don't pretend like it's not possible for close friends or significant others to lie about loving you, for I've done that, therefore it is very much possible.
I know these words are supposed to be comforting, and honestly, if people are comforted by white lies, who am I to butt in? But to me, I couldn't be possibly comforted by ""proof" that my own experiences, especially My Own Actions, immediately contradict. NONE of this is evidence, I Know So, and it's naive to treat it as such.
The only thing that had ever worked for me against any sort of "Fear" is a resounding "So What". So what if they secretly, utterly hate me and will disappear the second they get the confidence to do so? No, I don't worry about annoying people, or if they're lying to me, or any of the sort— I "know" they do. In the sense, that, I will always, without fail, choose to act under the assumption that they hate me, and— if entirely free of consequence— would choose to harm me, for I have zero reasons to believe that people tick differently than I do, for I know every single "evidence" anyone ever brings up about it can easily be utter horseshit.
I know that choosing to always go with the "worst case scenario" is considered to be miserable, but considering that I am apathetic to the outcome, I believe I am way better off than those who ease their mind with white lies and get screwed later on.
#◦txt.#cluster b#aspd#the 'so what' sentiment against ''fears'' is something that is true w/ all sorts of fears not just social#but going 'so what' @ physical or legal consequences has zero relevance in this post so im omitting it#.#social worker goes 'you appear to have trust issues' i go Wow No Way#Skipping the five stages of grief to immediate acceptance before it even happened y'all good luck with its phases though#. I doubt this post is coherent because I am. so very much not present in the moment rn. but I'm posting it anyway
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ik in canon armsmaster is described as this manly handsome white guy with short brown hair etc etc but for my own peace of mind im picturing him post-leviathan pre-surgery as a disgruntled scruffy guy while he's under house arrest. sorry i get attached to a guy character and immediately have to give them long hair and scruffy facial hair and get rid of all of his canonical muscles and give him a crooked nose and give him scars and five million other little physical traits in my mind or else i explode u understand im sure
#i HAVE to picture him as the most pathetic looking man on the planet#no he's not buff and well groomed. he's a fucking mess and has one billion issues and showers maybe twice a week#trust me this is canon#do i have an idea of what he looks like post surgery yet??? no bc i have not seen him outside his defiant costume#but i know it will be Drastically different from how im picturing him pre cyborg surgery#i need him unrecognizably changed for the worse <3#anyway. sorry. thinkin abt this fucking guy rn. shaking him like a bag of lettuce. u know how it is#he does not look like captain america. that man looks like mark winters but worse#wormposting
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y'all does it get better
#im acknowledging this is the mental illness and i should trust nothing i feel rn but#in an undisclosed amount of time ill be a legal adult and like. i know it wont get better automatically im not stupid but like#is there an improvement at least#how bad are taxes#i dont know how ill ever be able to have and maintaina job#and like. god thats not even mentioning schooling and all the issues we're having there#chat i fear i may be a failure of a person idk#I'm not being suicidal or anything to be clear im just out of it rn ill be good tomorrow probably#aethers rants#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent
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just made the worst PowerPoint of my life and i’m going to turn it in for five million points
#lie - it’s actually just not done yet#but i also don’t feel like doing it - this is my issue#it isn’t due until next Sunday but i also need it done today for Personal Reasons#so we are Vibing i suppose#my geography final is done and i should probably just turn it in#but Also i don’t trust my professor to not be a HUGE freak and grade it right away#and i do NOT need that kind of stress rn#i’ll probably turn it in right before i leave for the concert tonight#bc I’ll be so stressed i won’t give a shit#but in the meantime there are other finals to finish#which like UGHHHHHHHHHHHH#but also they’re all literally almost done and i have plenty of time - I just have to Do It#and i will#but first: Lunch.
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I don't think his hair is his grayest feature
#i swear he's SO gray it HAS to be on purpose otherwise this man wins the ashiest skin award#he might just be actually gray. anime gets away with coloring black characters so badly idk who to trust anymore#honestly idk how to feel about this game the art is REALLY good and apparently it's a thriller? but the writing as of now is kinda awkward#might be bc it's the intro i just hope it gets better#rn we got this dogboy who wants the protag to follow him but he hasn't said shit and so we dont know ehat he wants#and these lame ass dudes (who i have to play as) picked a fight with him#and we just kinda pushed aside the main issues for now??? idk i haven't played the fight yet but i dont like the writing#doesnt help that the translation is kinda bad as well BUT as far as i'm aware these erolabs games don't have super big teams behind them soo#i'll try to be kind and hope they get better
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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i really need people to stop asking me when i'm gonna start dating again
#my friend suggested creating a dating profile a few days ago#& she literally just asked me if i did it#like girl#i thought i made myself clear#i'm not going to do that#i literally tell everyone that i still have trauma after my last relationship#i have trust issues & i am not ready to date anyone#i don't need a guy i need a job & a therapist#why they don't get it#jesus i'm tired of trying to explain it to literally everyone around#i want to die rn#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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Me with who
I trusted, Let you in
Let you see through my broken skin
Let you tell me, People would love me
Not get sick of me, Get rid of me
I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.
#siren screams#personal rant#relatable memes#in sound mind#Song#rant post#Friend#Im slowly distancing myself from an irl friend#I couldnt help but develop some trust issues but maybe im just overreacting#I dunno#I will just.... rant#I feel like she really hates me even if she would say it as a joke sometimes#Telling me im so annoying everytime we see each other#And we're even classmates for this school year!#But im slowly distancing myself#I cant bring myself up to a happy mood whenever I need to face her#Like not looking onto her face#Of course i know everyone in the class noticed it eveb if they wont say anything about us#Cuz they know that me and this irl friend are inseparable and always buy in the canteen during recess#But now im alone#all all alone#I have two moots here thatre my classmates irl rn#If any of you two read this. Dont tell anyone#I just... ranted#Thats all#Damn fuck i want some sleep but i cant since i need to prepare for exams next week#Its 1 pm here btw#I rlly want some sleep to replenish my whole being#Ah no lemme rephrase that--i want eternal sleep#A sleep where no one can ever wake me from.
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I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee I’m taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there
#genuinely tho#I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruce’s issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just#needs to get with the program#like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues#where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating#which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch#a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check#THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE#NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL#back to red hood the hill#i DO like them#playing off how jason has always been able to relax there#with a community that has eachothers back#and the flip from#his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo#what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant#like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her#and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him#and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat#maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and#above all trusts her#most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant#anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga#carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street 🙏🏾#red hood and the hill#oh. still no Orpheus mention#no it doesn’t hurt less anytime 💔#Jason Todd
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