#having to listen to him jesus christ
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
“i’m too old to change.”
well, maybe if you weren’t a fucking coward
#for context: this is my dad being a homophobic old bitch#like this is why i don’t tell him things#because it starts the most boring pointless arguments#he literally tried to argue with me for like an hour#and i literally felt my life force dwindling away#tried to make the argument that a woman would abuse me (he thinks all lesbians are ‘horrible violent butches’#he didn’t use the word butches but that’s what he meant#like it possible a man could abuse me if i was into men???#i’ve literally feel like i’ve lost brain cells#having to listen to him jesus christ#‘i hope i’m not alive to see it’#talking about me dating a woman#bitch keep talking and you won’t be#imaooo it’s hilarious bc he has been alive to see it as well he just didn’t know about it#‘mickey milkovich voice* guess what we’ve been doing daddy?#i literally came to terms with the fact that my dad is literally never going to accept me when i was a child#i spent the better part of my teenage years being fucking terrified of him knowing i’m gay#of being a lesbian#and it’s fucking BORING#and i fucking refuse to feel like that anymore#any children i may have your grandchildren will not see#you because you are a coward and your love for your child is conditional#i’m literally sooooo over it#lue talks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
So after hearing about sfth's next D&D streams having some longform characters, I can't not create some character concepts for them.
Anyway, here's Peter Steven :D
(Also a note to @i-may-be-an-emu: I know I said in DMs that he wouldn't work well as a D&D character. I take that back, this was incredibly fun to make and druid!Peter is my new favourite headcanon now.)
Name: Peter Steven (obviously) Race: half elf Class: druid Background: prodigy Alignment: neutral good
Strength: 1 Dexterity: 2 Constitution: 1 Intelligence: 3 Wisdom: 2 Charisma: 0 (side note: this is after adding the +2 charisma from his half elf race, I originally intended for him to have a -2 charisma)
Proficiencies: survival, animal handling, nature, and medicine
Personality traits Daring and loyal, this adventurer is the ideal companion when adventuring. Between his proficiency as a healer and love for nature, Peter is a sweet and gentle soul despite his intimidating stature. While his towering height might suggest that he's more of a fighter, Peter is actually quick on his feet and prefers using hit-and-run tactics rather than fighting head-on. He contributes this, along with his strange affinity for milk, to his upbringing though the others rarely question it.
Backstory Peter was born to upper-class parents. While he wasn't quite at aristocractic status, the Steven family name was quite well-respected in the village. Peter himself was also quite well-liked by the village when he was younger, especially when he proved himself to be a studious and bright young boy. Although he had some strange hobbies and dreams, such as digging holes in his back garden and one day becoming a milkman, the Stevens showered their son with love and affection nonetheless.
However, as the days went on, Peter's height grew at an rapid—almost unnatural—rate, akin to the growth cycle of an elf. Rumours quickly spread throughout the village that Peter was an illegitimate child, and in the blink of an eye, the Steven family name was beginning to tarnish. Despite his lack of pointy ears, no villager would ever reject the opportunity for a good gossip, no matter how unrealistic it might be. After months of discreet finger points and accusatory whispers, Jemima cracked under the pressure. Peter was forced to use a wheelchair to hide his height, and he was forbidden from leaving the confines of his house. Despite her efforts, the rumours didn't cease. Soon, the Steven family name was in shambles and simply going out to the market earned the family judgemental stares and mean-spirited snickers.
Unsure of what else to do, Peter's parents sent him to boarding school to get him away from the scornful looks. Even at boarding school, the lies regarding the wheelchair persisted, and every day the guilt ate away at Peter's conscience. The boarding school was cruel and unjust, the torture chamber located in the building's basement should be enough evidence of that. Peter suffered it all in silence, believing that if he was a good little boy and behaved himself, his parents would want him back again. It was all make-belief, and some part of Peter's subconscious knew this, but every night he would whisper to a squirrel that perched on his window about the day when he would leave this tortous school and return to his life as the child of Jemima and Jim Steven.
One day after years of boarding school, a 19-year-old Peter received a letter addressed to him from his mother. He excitedly opened it, expecting an announcement that he was going home, and was met with the stark truth: the rumours were right, he was the illegitimate child between his mother and the elven milkman. In the letter, his mother explained that she and his father were divorcing, and that she planned on marrying the milkman. He was asked to join this new family as a Jeffrey, living a life that would certainly be less prestigious than before, but one that would be honest. Peter was going home.
But as he lay on his glorified rock of a bed, Peter came to the realisation that he didn't want to join this new family. It made him sick to his stomach to imagine taking family photos, with Mr Jeffrey's hand on his shoulder as if it was the most natural thing ever, all three of them smiling and acting like nothing was wrong. Then a daring thought emerged in his head: he wanted to escape.
On the day of his apparent departure, Peter sat on his wheelchair one last time and was escorted to the carriage. But just as he was about to go on, Peter jumped up and ran into the forest with nothing but his suitcase and the squirrel who hid in his scarf. That day was his 20th birthday. From that day onwards, Peter lived in the woods, foraging for food and conversing with the woodland creatures using his special druidic tongue.
#shoot from the hip#sfth dnd#JESUS CHRIST that backstory ended up being so long#I love the idea of him being a druid#it's just so sweet to imagine him conversing with animals and listening to the sound of swishing leaves in the garden#also I didn't use the d&d character sheet for this cause there's a bunch of redundant information that I need to fill out for that#so I just resorted to this sorry if the formatting is weird lol#if anyone viscerally disagrees with any of this please let me know I'm very open to criticism#(/j but also /gen kind of?)#I plan to make my sfth orphanage headcanon into a d&d adventure group#I'm probably gonna do johnny or alexa next just cause I have so many ideas for them
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]
how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it
and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry
marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his
the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?
#i hate anissa but also her character was done so well#like i hate her#fuck her#but jesus christ.#wow#i feel so bad for marky honestly#when anissa said “i don't regret it. tell him. tell him he'll understand when he sees him”#that shit hurt me#that was the WORST time for you to die girl#i was like “idc about anissa thank fuck she died” but then#i put myself in marky's place. and WOWWW#you gotta be strong to deam with that#YOU GOTTA BE STRONG TO BE ANY INVINCIBLE TBH#LIKE WOW.#thinking about mark now#imagine learning that the person who hurt you the most is a better person now#and that means she regrets kt#but then you learn right after her death that she does not regret it at all#you don't even get to hear an “i'm sorry”. not that you'd have listened to it#then you learn she had a son. with you. named AFTER YOU#honestly i can't blame him for allowing things to be THAT awkward w marky#i am so glad the reconciled tho I don't think I'd be able to live if mark's son hated him#tw sa mention#invincible#invincible comic#comic spoilers#marky grayson#anissa invincible#mark grayson#b4 anyone gets this wrong: I DO NOT SUPPORT WHAT ANISSA DID. it's just that marky's relationship w her is smth i would love to see explored
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
ekky only choosing forsy for eye candy is another example of fork found in kitchen and he has to keep up his shirt off quote quotas even if forsy has now shown off his body to the masses but also unfortunately just reads too much like this (how it feels auditioning as a drumer)
#so if youll need me i think ill be screaming into my hands#i said ekky bassist in a fugue state when the original clip of the pantrs band video came out#and then i remembered this tiktok and i just wept into my hands at how accurate it was#the one speaking is dan (bassist/vocals) so him immediately accepting tate (drummer) because he took his shirt off#tracks extensively in my little forsblad band au that ive been daydreaming about#also they just have multiple videos expanding upon the bassist and drummer having a thing so it really is not helping#one of the videos being “when the bassist and drummer are left alone”#and its just them giggling as tate teaches dan the drums by helping him (hes bad at drums) as lets get it on plays in the bg#anyways great band great body of work ive been listening to a lot as of late#have we considered pretty boy with pretty vocals bassist ekky and the new drummer they accepted because their old one quit on them#i just think forsy would look so hot in a muscle tee and a bandana as he stick his tongue out during sets#because hes pretty calmduring rehearsals but during lives a demon possesses him which means he becomes the hottest man alive#and have the most mmmmmmm (this is my crush on certain drummers speaking sorry guys)#theres a lot of fodder here mmmmmm yeah im gonna be thinking about this for the next month jesus christ
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
yo merry christmas i'm thinking about christmas at the hargrove-mayfield's house throughout the years
wanna think about their first christmas together as a family, maybe before neil and susan even got married, or maybe just after. wanna think about what susan got billy for that first december 25th that they knew each other and what neil bought for max. did neil just pass that duty off to susan and stick his name on the from: section of the gift tag or did he put effort in and actually go to the shops and try and find something, specifically for his new step-daughter.
wanna think about the following few christmas' in california where billy never heard from his mom, never even got a fucking christmas card, but max heard from her dad; spending the time between christmas breakfast and christmas lunch on the phone, thanking him for the present he sent in the mail. wanna think about susan listening in, hearing her ex sounding distant and barely focused, agreeing with everything their daughter says, and biting her tongue; half relieved max hasn't picked up on the fact that sam's handwriting and her own is exactly the same, and half mad that sam's willing to take the credit without even blinking.
wanna think about their last christmas in california where they don't even realise it's their last one there; billy hitting his stride in being the worlds moodiest and most hard done by teenager, max following quick in his footsteps. wanna think about how all the gifts hand-picked by susan would be too lame and embarrassing to be thankful for, both kids screwing their nose up at most presents. maybe billy and max exchanging small gifts that christmas becos they haven't been at each others throats all year, only some, and susan thought it would be nice.
wanna think about their first christmas in hawkins, with things still so messy and uncomfortable and rough, but somehow settling into it like it's their new normal. wanna think about it being cold as fuck, none of them prepared for hawkins winters, and everyone walking on eggshells around each other and pretending it's fine. wanna think about max growing up and officially moving into her teenage years and billy counting down the days until he leaves them, adulthood so close yet still so fucking far. wanna think about them all sitting down for christmas dinner and billy barely being acknowledged, things still so tense even though it's been almost two months since everything went to shit, and max forcing out answers every time susan tries to keep the conversation flowing, her doing her best to carry the christmas spirit.
wanna think about a world where there's no living nightmares, no government conspiracies, and no death, but billy still spirals out of control anyway, feeling trapped and cornered in an unfamiliar town with unfamiliar people, his only solution to lash out and fight, anger and violence and distrust being all he knows. wanna think about max coming to the realisation that there's bigger monsters than her asshole step-brother, that maybe billy isn't the start of everyone's problems, just always somehow the end of them. want her to trace the line back to the source and realise neither of them ever stood a fucking chance.
wanna think about a christmas where billy's eighteen and max is fifteen, and they still live on cherry lane, and neil still fucking sucks, and susan still fucking tries, and everything's still awkward, the four of them never quite becoming the family unit their parents try to pretend them to be, but maybe billy and max get along these days, in a way they never could when they were younger, them going from being against each other to realising it's team up or be picked apart.
max gives him a present she saved up for for months, maybe as they're all going to bed, and billy raises an eyebrow at her before sighing and unwrapping it, still too fucking stubborn to be able to say thank you, but somehow brave enough to reach a hand into his room and grab out a present he got for her, and it's unwrapped cos he hasn't wrapped a present since his mom left, so max does her little sister duty and tells him she loves the wrapping and effort he put into it, before actually looking at what he got her, and he walks into his room and closes the door before she can even acknowledge it for the gift it is.
wanna think about billy eventually moving out, but not making it far; too fucking broke to live out his dreams of going home. wanna think about neil clapping him on the back on moving day and telling him he's done good, that this is what growing up is. graduating school, getting a job, moving out, providing for yourself. that's what makes a man. that it was rough there for a while, and he was worried, but he's glad to see his son's shaped up and straightened out finally, thanks to his solid parenting. wanna think about billy having no idea how to react, thinking that's the closest he'll ever get to his dad saying he's proud of him. wanna think about max helping him move and helping him chose a couch, claiming it has to be comfortable enough to sleep on when she crashes there on school breaks. want billy to tell her to get fucked, but buy the couch she picked out anyway.
wanna think about his first christmas out of home, and how how he probably feels indifferent about it at best, and pain about it at worst. christmas was never like the movies growing up, no matter how much susan tried, so it's not like being alone and having no decorations or presents is going to hurt, but he has enough memories of his mum, and a few moments over the years from when max and susan tried, and there's such a build up and fucking atmosphere about it all in hawkins that he can't escape it even if he tried, and he's starting to realise maybe he's really fucking lonely.
wanna think about neil calling him up and billy answering, cos now that they don't live in the same house and billy's finally taking responsibility for his own life, neil's like a whole new person. he wants to do father-son shit like talk about cars, offer advice about fixing the kitchen sink, tell him when to hire someone to fix something and when you should be able to fix something yourself, wants to watch sports games and crack open a beer on a saturday afternoon, and billy makes up reasons to say no most of the time, but sometimes he caves and says yes, cos there's a small part of him that's always wanted this. wanna think about neil calling and asking billy when he's coming over for christmas, saying that susan's cooking his favourite. wanna think about billy not even knowing what his favourite is, but saying he'll be at breakfast by 7:30am before he can stop himself.
wanna think about billy staying 'til afternoon and max raising an eyebrow at him, muttering don't you have a home to go to? while they clean up after lunch, but then neil offers him a beer, so he ignores her, and listens when his dad says he's welcome to stay for dinner, too. wanna think about billy and max smoking a joint out the back while their parents end the day with a christmas movie, and max turns to him and asks him what neil's deal is these days, and billy shrugs her off, too stubborn to look at it all too closely.
wanna think about billy pulling some money out of his wallet cos he has some now, and he didn't have time to get a present, too busy working overtime, but he has cash, so that'll do. wanna think about max handing him a new zippo, then somehow unearthing a whole-ass wrapped present, and when he opens it, it's a set of cheap fake glass cups, becos billy doesn't have any yet and every time she comes over she has to drink something either directly from the bottle in the fridge or remember her own drink bottle, and it's a housewarming gift, asshole, and this isn't my house, billy thinks, this isn't my fucking home, but it's also all he's got, so he finds a place for them in the cupboard above the sink, and max hunts them down the next time she's over first thing.
wanna think about christmas' in their future, when max moves out, when they're in their 20's and 30's, maybe billy keeps coming home, finding an uneasy peace with his dad reserved for special occasions only, the only few times of the year he's willing to lie to himself and pretend things were never as bad as his memories made them out to be, or maybe everything eventually crumbles, and billy finally gets to put some real distance between them, and finally then, he can breathe and stop pretending.
maybe max continues going, her seeing her mom try and so she puts in the effort to try as well, and maybe that works for a while, maybe even a lifetime, but maybe it doesn't, and by the time both her and billy are closer to 30 than 20, the only family they see on christmas is each other, and billy never wraps her presents, and max only gets him practical things, and they drink and bitch most of the time, but it's so much easier to exist in each others space when they don't have to act and pretend and play parts.
#anyway the idea of billy attending christmas day at cherry lane for those first few years and telling himself it's sooo fine#it's completely normal thing to do after a completely normal childhood where nothing ever went wrong ever#and for max to go along with it becos over her dead body is she gonna suffer through christmas day alone even though she thinks its Crazy#how billy and neil could go from the trainwreck they were to whatever illusion neil's trying to create now#but then like. the idea of billy getting a significant other; a Male significant other; and having to like. Face Facts#make up excuses to not go home from christmas anymore; but be too scared to tell his dad the real reason why#until his partner is like. I Know Your Childhood Was Bad But Jesus Christ. You're 25 Dude#wait also the idea of max Knowing and being like. Yeah He's Always Been This Stupid. Yeah It's Probably Genetic. Good Luck.#god the idea of billy finally telling his dad why he's not coming and neil hanging up on him. not msging him for his birthday#and billy getting the hint loud and clear. except maybe susan works some christmas magic and maybe neil's had a health scare or two#and maybe max says she's only coming home for christmas if billy is#so maybe neil calls billy up and says him and his Boyfriend are welcome home for christmas this year.#and it sounds like he's eating the sourest lemon in the entire world. but he's asking. and billy's like. this is gonna be terrible. we Can'#but somehow ends up saying yes. becos he's stupid.#and then neil and susan are sitting down for christmas dinner with billy and Boyfriend and Max and#okay listen. the elmax in me wants them so bad but also the lumax in me wants THEM so bad.#actually either way i can't lose neil would be frothing at the mouth either way#and max would be LOVED and CHERISHED either way#worlds most awkward and intense christmas dinner.#also u may be thinking. now melia. dont they have other family. cousins? grandparents? aunts and uncles? and you'd be right!#but i'm too lazy to go into that rn. the idea of neil cutting his family out and susan barely being on speaking terms with hers#ANYWAY the idea of christmas evolving over time from being something that they barely tolerated with each other#to being something that they only include each other in. no more parents and maybe significant others come and go but no matter what#it's them against the world#m#nqff#text
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me when Biblical Allusion in Ninjago
#forever and always obsessed with it jesus fucking christ 😭😭😭😭#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAJDJEJAKSMDJSDHFKDMASKDKD#ninjago#garmadon man I just. I love him. I love him so much.#listen the only reason I'm an FSM hater is because I project my religious and parental trauma onto Garmadon ok??#like the guy himself is. fine ig. he's fascinating at least and he's a very necessary character with all his flaws#but dammit let a traumatized exmo have his fun
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
The huge irony in The Little Mermaid (1989) essentially being about a teenage girl who desired to be understood by those around her, so she went to a drastically different society in order to achieve that, and it's one of the most misunderstood movies that Disney has ever released. Disney Princess movies already get a bad rap, but this movie, in particular, gets the worst of it. It's truly amazing.
#disney#the little mermaid#meta#disney meta#txt#the reputation this movie has earned thanks to the pretentious dipshits who tore this movie apart for no good reason led to the stupid#useless changes in the dreadful remake#ariel never left her family or the ocean just for a boy she already longed to be a part of the human world#she had a WHOLE SONG about it well before she even laid eyes on him. jesus christ#eric was the catalyst. he was the final piece that united everything#he was like the bridge in this movie. he is a representation of the beauty (literal and figurative) ariel sees in humanity#but she also views him as someone who can understand her. that was the point of his character and the remake did not understand this#listen i know a lot of you are more into the “spiritual twin” kind of couple and that's fine#but they didn't have to have EVERYTHING in common in order for them to like each other#the point of their relationship is that they were indeed from different worlds (again literal and figurative) but he still seemed so close#to her#that was the purpose of his character. the final push for ariel to say “i'm gonna take the risk and go there”#it was about her wanting to be understood and that is precisely what eric provided#the new version just turned him into the male version of ariel which minimizes the point of his character#that's why their way of showing that he would definitely understand her but considering how ariel viewed the human world#she wouldn't have been as excited then lmao#if anything it'd been more logical for her to take eric away from there lmao#i went off tangent#but yes it wasn't just him tho he became a part of that desire. the piece that was missing. the final push
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
this may or may not turn into a fic but i can't stop thinking about sandra and max taking chris to a nice restaurant for their two week anniversary of him being in the polycule (because lbr these bitches would ABSOLUTELY be the types to celebrate small anniversaries like that (affectionate)) and they give him a small present like a pen or a watch or something and they're like "happy anniversary babe 🥰" and he's like "aww thank you 🥹 anniversary of what though"
and sandra and max just share a look of horror as they realize that despite doing couple-y things with chris and chris reciprocating that they never actually, like. properly asked him to be with them so yeah he would be confused by this wouldn't he gkldsjafkld
#the goes wrong show#sandra wilkinson#chris bean#max bennett#marshy speaks#i really should come up with a ship tag for them........i guess i'll ruminate on that a bit#anyway cue guilt. cue embarrassment. cue awkward conversations!#i feel like the friendships at cornley are affectionate enough that chris just kind of assumed they were just being friendlier than normal#like 'huh i guess i really am bonding with sandra and max now. that's nice :)'#meanwhile they're like 'chris our partner chris who sleeps over in our bed sometimes and makes out with us as partners do we love him'#without ever realizing that they all just kinda do that as friends too so maybe it's not the clearest sign that they're courting him gklsdj#listen they really MEANT to ask him out properly. i feel like they really thought they did but it was just a bit too vague to#properly get their intentions across#i think they feel a little bad about it. like they feel like they tricked chris into it on accident#but chris is just a bit thrown he's not that upset by it. just very very confused and also a little embarrassed that he didn't notice lmao#jesus christ the way these tags turned into an essay.......can you tell i have too many thoughts on these three :')
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
note to self: if you have repeatedly been made to feel some type of way about your silly little doodles by someone in the past, don't fucking draw them something for their birthday.
#i shouldn't have fucking bothered#i absolutely fucking shouldn't have. i don't know why i did.#i don't even know why he asked#now i'm sitting here wondering if anybody ever genuinely has liked anything i've ever made them#or if it's always just: *grits teeth* gee thanks#and i'm just too fucking dumb to notice#obviously i know that it's not the greatest thing ever because it's not something i'm used to drawing#and i won't pretend that i'm good at drawing in general#but jesus fucking christ. looking at it sideways scratching your head and “thanks for trying”??#and then you can't even give me constructive criticism on what i could change to make it better.#a slap across the face would've been nicer#thanks man i don't ever want to draw again#i've gotten this reaction in the past and y'know what. maybe i should actually listen! and learn! and stop!#i also don't know why i keep asking him for his opinion on things. it's almost as if i like repeatedly walking into a wall head first.#bug.txt
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
IN THE HEIGHTS countdown: 3 DAYS!
song for today:
VANESSA: daniela told me what you did for me and it’s honestly the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me now, what can i say or do to possibly repay you for your kindness? USNAVI: ...how do you get this gold shit off?
#song for today: champagne#HA!#you guys don't know that but i am actually writing this on november 1st while listening to in the heights#(i don't know why i just needed to say that)#one of my favourite songs and the funniest one#HOW DO YOU TAKE THIS GOLD SHIT OFF will be forever the funniest line i've ever heard in my entire life#but then again i think lin is the funniest guy in the whole wide world#where do i find a guy like him?#huh?#jesus fucking christ why do i always have to be LIKE THIS in the tags of every single post of mine#please don't mind me i just drank my third coffee#i can barely handle myself#TWO DAYS!!!#three*#have i just made a mistake how do you delete this-#it won't be long now*#Spotify
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
And that's another thing. I reckon I've done a pretty decent job of excising the culturally Christian values from my mind (obvi not fully but getting there) but if theres one thing I do hold out hope in, it's a very obviously Christian angel swooping down from heaven to be my caretaker and hold my hand. I miss her where is she. Cant look at historical art of angels bcos I'm reminded of her and I get sad
#also i do say 'jesus christ' and 'godspeed' and other assorted christianisms so much my parents make fun of me#mostly bcos theyve wedged themselves into my script as handy phrases and i think its kind of funny so i let them stay#and final conscious remnant i do still do the sign of the cross to bolster myself sometimes and tbh i do not know why!#i never did it as a kid and in fact got EXTREMELY anxious about it in combination with prayer#because someone said 'you do the sign of the cross to let god listen and then you do it at the end to let him go :)'#and i got really scared of the idea that i would forget to do it at the end and he would stay there listening#and i dont remember ever believing in him so i think it was just a conceptual fear bcos tbh i still fear that now#< like up until a certain age id just bring novels into mass and read them for the hour bcos that was a better use of my time#and there were a few protestant families in my primary school so they didnt have to do the communion bullshit and i was soooo jealous#they got to stay at school fucking about while i had to be at church practicing and shit....#baby me was so spiteful abt it actuslly it was kind of funny. stood on the knee rests on purpose bcos she heard it was disrespectful#also she took her communion w her left hand in an attempt to trick god into thinking she was lefthanded. lets go queen#anyway#xtianity#christianity#< i think someone wants it blacklisted? idr
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
🍓
#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me#all of my disorders saying that haha#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji#im aware that i sound crazy#this is just how im FEELING#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up#no wonder he cant be in love with me#im pathetic and stupid#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an#am*#god... genuinely hate myself#why dont i know how to shut up??#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji#is that too much to ask for......#i mean listen in any relationship#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hate it when a guy texts me “haha wow, what are you doing up so late?” im literally fighting demons fuck off
#hes literally the demon#i kinda wanna dig my fingernails into his shoulders and tell him to be serious or leave#been listening to It Will Come Back a lot lately#jesus CHRIST dont be kind to me. etc etc.#having a normal one lads#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
the fact that the two people im most attracted to in the lockwood & co show are penelope fittes and the 'golden blade' should be more concerning to me than it is. and, really, that extends to the books as well
it did not help that they gave him a manbun, leather jacket and eyeliner, or had fittes played by morven christie
and no im not mentally stable WHY do you ask
#like JESUS CHRIST i need help#if they adapt the creeping shadow i will actually fall dead on the spot#fittes in that book?? ELITE#she is so mother in tcs it's not even funny#and ik it is by design but fuck does it work on me#and sir rupert in the empty grave? or scratch that in the one scene in tcs#where he eats george's sandwich while talking about consequences?? fuck me#AND THEY GAVE HIM A MANBUN AND EYELINER#AND A GOLDEN BLADE#and like listen#ive read all the books and i know all the dirt on them#im concerned for my own wellbeing here as well alright?#but shit#i have issues#fittes is my fave though she could do whatever she wanted to me and i wouldn't complain#and he could stab me id be fine with that#lockwood & co.#lockwood & co#lockwood and co#penelope fittes#sir rupert gale#rupert gale#marissa fittes#the golden blade#golden blade
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
there is smth to be said abt how chihiro is always always always depicted in feminine clothing in merch + supplementary material despite her horribly written backstory like.
at some point, if she really wanted to 'stop pretending', she could easily make the choice to wear smth more unisex and 'subtle' but she always goes for the cutest, most feminine looking outfits and its like girl........ girl.....!
#and do NOT tell me its for non-spoilery reasons that shes still included with the girls and always wears cute feminine outfits in merch#pretty much everybody whos brushed against danganronpa knows whats going on with junko#if chihiro really truly was just A Cis Boy Crossdressing To Avoid Bullying (which inherently doesnt make much sense to me)#then like. you think said Cis Boy would... idk... at least try toeing the line between feminine and masculine expression more...#nobody is forcing 'him' to wear cutesy outfits and frilly dresses and brightly colored tops and short shorts in the summer...! just sayin#her internalized transphobia was absolutely self-devouring. honest to god#it ate her from the inside#junko probably took a lot of her self realization and mental peace away abt her gender expression w that memory wipe#its so fucked up. jesus christ#and then u play the game and sakura is forced to touch her corpse to discover the 'truth' and everyone just instantly switches#to masc pronouns with no struggle#its so badly written lmao#lets not even talk abt the whole physical strength = masculinity thing going on with her#also ive entirely given up on caring abt how other ppl perceive her gender#its a battle nobody will ever win#canon says shes a cis boy#her continous choice to express femininely#even in scenarios where she'd likely have 'come out' to her friends#saying otherwise#its just like#as long as you arent telling me to kms over a trans hc#then i dont have the energy to care#bc ppl who see her as a cis boy will not listen or change their minds#and i will not change my mind abt seeing her as a girl#i will say tho ppl who make older chihiro designs#and give her an out of nowhere square jaw and broad shoulders#and is like 6 feet tall#you are weird. i know what ur doing
4 notes
·
View notes