#i’ve literally feel like i’ve lost brain cells

[gregmarriage]

“i’m too old to change.”

well, maybe if you weren’t a fucking coward

[formosusiniquis]

i'll play giles, you be spike

ao3 summer reading starts on monday, your local children's librarian (me) is grabby handing any inspiration they can and running with it.

"There's a vampire in the nonfiction section." Steve says in a harsh whisper that feels louder than if he’d just shouted it from across the room at Robin like he’d wanted to in the first place.

She finishes her spinny chair rotation before saying, "And other rejected Bailey School kid titles. What game is this?"

"It's not a game!” He drops the stack of go-backs he was about to put on the shelf in a thump on the counter. His preference for taking small stacks instead of wheeling the whole cart has served him well both for his sense of dramatics and for his ability to stealth. “There is a Kiefer Sutherland Lost Boys vampire in the nonfiction stacks. Or he’s really more like the dark haired one."

"There really is something for everyone at the library." She says with a dreamy sigh, bringing her folded hands up to her face.

"Robin! Could you be serious for five seconds?"

"Could you? Why are you jumping to vampire when it's obviously just a goth patron?”

He leans further across the desk so he can whisper more aggressively in her face. “Because he was in the 800’s Robin, nobody just goes into the 800’s.”

“Plenty of people go into the 800's, that's where all of the poetry and short stories are?”

“Oh yeah, all the poetry and short stories Diana buys. You tell me the last time you remember a new poetry book hitting the collection that wasn’t for Adelle back in Kids and maybe I’ll believe you about vampire guy.”

She sputters, because he’s right, and he had to listen to her complain about how she never would have heard of Gay Poems for Red States if their digital collection on Libby weren’t so much better stocked than their physical collection. And he’s right about this. 

“You’re not right about this, but let’s pretend you are. Why don’t you go out and live your Bella Swan fantasy then, dingus.”

“Because he’s super hot and intimidating-”

“-and you want him to bite you.”

“And,” he says loud enough that Mrs. Willis over on the computer shushes him. “And you don’t get to make fun of me just because some perky blonde hasn’t shown up to help you live out your little Tinkerbelle fairy fantasy.”

“Excuse me,” a warm, raspy voice pipes up from behind Steve, he doesn’t have to turn to be certain of who it belongs to. But he does, because he gets off on that edge of self-embarrassment and also it’s his literal job.

“How can I help you?”

The bulky leather jacket the guy has on, even though it’s May and basically already the summer, must have him hot. There’s a flush staining his face that is not a point away from Steve’s vampire theory even if he knows Robin is already thinking that it is. He’s wearing a shirt that says Corroded Coffin which is where vampires live, he knows that much even if he never can successfully keep up with Dracula Daily any year he tries.

“Yeah, so I made a bet with a friend that I could find a really specific piece of information before her by going to the library instead of using the internet.” Robin sucks in a sharp breath between her teeth, the sound of Steve’s wince. “I’m playing the long odds, Google kind of sucks now, so I think I’ve got a chance.”

“Steve can help you out,” Robin volunteers, standing up on the foot rest of her wheely chair to give his shoulder a shove. “He’s the best at finding things in the dark, secluded stacks where the cameras can’t see you.”

“Um…”

“Did you already know what you were looking for?” Steve asks, just to stop what is currently happening. “If it’s just the book not being where it’s at I can help you find it. Nonfiction is a pain, and people are always trying to be helpful and put things away; but I guess Hawkins Elementary isn’t teaching decimals like they used to.”

He couldn’t be rambling any worse if he were actually Robin and not the other timeshare owner of their worst brain cell.

Hot vampire guy just watches, a little amused but his smile is closed lipped, because he’s obviously trying to hide his vampire fangs. Not that Steve has a problem with being the hapless victim at the beginning of the Buffy episode, everybody has to go sometime and  if it’s via a hotter Spike it’s better than the way he always assumed he would die (as a casualty of one of Henderson’s sketchy science experiments.)

“I have a confession,” hot vampire guy says, they’ve made it back to where Steve remembers him standing before. 

“Yeah,” he prompts, idly scanning the shelf in front of him. Hopefully projecting whatever air of openness that gets strangers to confess their darkest sins to him unprompted at nine in the morning, so that this hot stranger feels comfortable admitting that he’s a sexy creature of the night.

“I don’t actually need anything from this row, our bet was actually about whether or not you and your coworker are an item.”

Well that wasn’t at all what Steve was hoping he would say. Hot guy -- probably a human hot guy since it is five o’clock and the sun is still high in the sky -- isn’t looking at him. He's straightening up the short story collections and bringing them up neatly to the edge of the shelf, letting his fingers gently flirt with some of the spines in lingering and wanting glances.

“Yeah, we're not together, and you're not her type. Sorry to be the bearer of that bad news.”

Hot guy sputters, mouth opening wide in his haste to deny his interest and revealing moderately sharp but definitely human canines and incisors.. Unfortunate, since Steve doesn't trust anyone who isn't a little obsessed with Robin like he is.

“She seems great,” he says when he's finished spitting all over the books, “she's just not really my type either. Seems like she's more into literary fiction and I’m looking for a guy who’s into campy horror and bad sci-fi.”

“The Star Trek novelizations aren’t bad sci-fi,” he says by rote, having spent too much time with the most annoying nerds in the world who only appreciated door stops that had ‘literary merit.’ Then the rest of the sentence catches up with him. “Oh!”

Hot guy smiles, and smug isn’t something that Steve usually finds attractive but it’s working on him. “I’m Eddie,” he says, “and if you’ll give me a second to win this bet you can tell me how you feel about maybe going out with someone who only plays a vampire on paper.”

[doberbutts]

As Disability Discourse 2.0 crosses my dash yet again I am left sort of wondering where the line is.

I am physically disabled. I am also neurodivergent. I do not consider myself mentally ill but I know that there are people out there with my exact diagnoses that do consider themselves mentally ill.

I have a brain injury. You can point to it on an MRI. I have the images to prove it. I had to re-teach myself how to speak. Those weird typos I have sometimes? Yeah my brain just reads letters wrong and sometimes spits out the wrong word or tense or grammatical structure sorry, that’s what happens when your brain gets shaken around in your head like a maraca following a serious car accident. I have a permanent tremor in my right hand and arm which results in me being incapable of fine motor control when having a flare. I am photosensitive and relatively intolerant of stress. I knocked an eye loose and was thankfully able to keep it but occasionally need to cover it or else it feels like someone is stabbing me directly in the brain when there is literally any light or movement whatsoever.

Did you know that over 30% of people who survive TBIs debate and even attempt to kill themselves within the first year? It’s still a bit unresearched but many neurologists believe it’s because many survivors have a hard time adjusting to their new normal when it feels like they have lost all control over themselves. I did not get that bad but I had many meltdowns where I would sob uncontrollably because it was all just Too Much, and the knowledge that it would be Too Much, Forever was curse over comfort.

Is that a mental or a physical disability? A part of my brain is damaged, like a scar. It is entirely neurological and mental in its symptoms.

I was diagnosed with a different brain condition, one that affects the autonomic nerve within my brain, causing fainting episodes, out-of-control mast cells, horrific digestive problems, and joints that bend a little too much. Average quality of life after diagnosis is roughly equivalent to someone with end stage heart failure.

A part of my brain is faulty and always has been. It is entirely physical in its symptoms. Is this a mental or physical disability?

My knee hurts. I was knocked off my bike one day on my way home from college. It was a hit-and-run driver and I didn’t have the money or the insurance to do more than slap a brace on it and limp around for several weeks while it healed. Less than a decade later it gave out. I was completely unable to walk for months. I lost my job. I ended up switching careers entirely so I could sit. I walk with a cane. I have to physically drag myself up stairs with my arms and my “good” leg. I spend nights grasping at my knee willing it to stop spasming as I try to get some sleep. I’ve had to beg for painkillers. Surgery will not help it. My knee is Completely Fucked, Forever.

This is a clear physical disability, that much is for sure.

I recently went to see Spiderverse. I warned my friend that it was entirely possible I’d need to duck out at some point because the movie would overwhelm me. I also warned her that I would probably need to immediately rest or go home and would not be able to hang out because I was anticipating it to be Sensory Hell. I went in prepared with my own snacks, tinted glasses to take the edge off the flashing, and even looked away during some of the worst of it.

I needed to duck out after an extended chase scene which featured a lot of flashing lights. I was able to come back and finish the movie. I needed nearly an hour of rest to stop shaking and be safe to drive myself home. I immediately went to bed upon getting home at about 4pm and by the time it was night had a pounding headache and shivers. I knew this would probably happen because the first one was very bad for my brain injury and I’d been pre-warned the second one was worse about it- truly I think it is really those movies’ biggest flaws is that they are very not friendly to people with problems with bright flashing lights.

My knee did not prevent me from entering the building. The theater was wheelchair accessible.

But even with sensory provisions, my brain injury and faulty nerve made it a monumental task to just finish a two and a half hour task of literally just sitting there.

I could go in. Staying was the part that was in question.

[sharkboywrites]

I’m bored and want something to laugh at so here’s some of the most chronically online things I’ve heard/seen in no particular order(mostly gay or transmasc related because those are the spaces I’m in the most):

- Not enjoying being trans/venting about not enjoying being trans is transphobic

- Made fun of me for liking anime (their pfp was Furina from genshin impact)

- Ranted to me about how gay men are not oppressed under a post of me literally getting harrassed for liking men

- I can’t like madoka magica because I’m a trans man

- Telling someone to stop harassing gay men over their yaoi obsession was ableist

- The same person from above also told me I was being “brainwashed by terfs” because I don’t like yaoi (and proceeded to tell every trans man that liked a queer ship that they weren’t trans and calling them fujoshis)

- I can’t talk about my Native American grandmother and great grandmother because my skin is white (and also because they were from Kentucky?)

- The entire term “TikTok mlm”

- They had transmascs in their dni, started arguments with transmascs both on their and others accounts, then got mad that transmascs were interacting with them

- Talking about/correcting people on my hyper fixations is mansplaining

- They can headcannon a character as a transfem lesbian because “he’s not confirmed gay” (the character in question was Mitsuba from tbhk (recently confirmed and heavily coded throughout the series))

- Actively consumed cp and sa involved series but got weirded out because I like twisted wonderland

- Assumed I hate transfems for being transmasc? And having issues as a transmasc?

- Calling queer people they don’t know the f slur is okay for whatever reason

- They can harass transmascs because we’re “less oppressed than cis women” (the statistics they pulled up was a 1% difference in discrimination)

- Calling trans men men is transphobic

I feel like I lost brain cells just typing this out but I will add to it if I encounter/remember anything else

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[ladyfromaspookyforest]

Scott Clarke is an NPC (I'm dead serious)

Scott does So Much (yes, I'll be capitalizing often in this post) for the story in season 1 and yet is developed more or less not at all. He's a side character. Do I expect to get to know him on the level I know Mike or Joyce? No. It's the fact that he does So Much and yet we know So Little that's odd. I know more about Vickie than I do about Scott despite how much more screentime AND impact Scott has had.

I’ve been looking at some Suspicious Behavior surrounding Scott, which I’m writing a separate post on. So in this post, I won’t be theorizing about anything we don’t know about him. I want to talk about the role he plays as we see it.

I had this thought and once I had it, I couldn’t get rid of it. See, my thought was, “Huh, Scott’s kind of like the chorus in a play.” And I keep thinking about that. The role of the chorus (historically...like Greek historically) is to provide information the audience needs that the actors cannot themselves give. Sometimes they offer commentary on what the actors are doing. Sometimes they offer foreshadowing. Sometimes they announce a tonal shift.

You know when you read a book and there’s a conversation like,

"Are you hungry?" "No, I’m good. I doubt I’ll ever feel truly hungry again now that I’ve lived through the Four Year Famine." "That’s true. Those were a hard four years after the Leprechaun Army of Willyfilly Forest turned all our crops to marshmallows, and when the marshmallows melted on the hottest day of the summer and ruined the soil etc. etc."

and you’re just sitting there like JFC nobody talks like this? The chorus makes it so you don’t have to listen to characters over explain things to each other in abominably unnatural ways. But they aren’t characters whose independent arcs are explored.

In season 2, Scott literally introduces us to Max and in doing so, also reveals to us that she is MADMAX. His first lesson is about the human brain, and he tells us that there are 100 billion cells inside working together as one. This foreshadows the hivemind. His second lesson is about Phineas Gage and how his behavior dramatically shifted after the rod incident. This foreshadows Will’s possession. His third lesson is about instinctual fear and this one is literally given as a voiceover on top of Mindflayer Will approaching the hot bath. It couldn’t be any clearer. Scott’s role in season 2 is very blatantly the Chorus role. He delivers information to the audience and that is all.

In season 1, it isn’t that he’s speaking TO us to provide us with the information we need, but that his EXISTENCE provides us with the information we need.

Example: Instead of suffering through something along these lines—

"The Heathkit is so cool. It’s amazing that it’s able to reach so much further than a regular radio."

—we have Scott teaching the boys about it because it’s just arrived. This is pretty much storytelling 101, basic Show Don’t Tell. But what has me stuck on it is that this is ALL Scott does. The only reason Scott needed to be in the woods searching for Will that first night was so that he could strike up a conversation resulting in the revelation that Hopper lost a daughter.

But here’s how I look at it: Scott’s like an NPC. He just appears while you’re on your important mission to communicate with Will and says, “I’ll give you the key to the Very Important Radio but first you have to do something!” and then you have to go to this assembly and there’s this minor bad guy you fight there and then you get to go use the radio. Or you’re on the Scour the Woods quest and NPC Scott pops up and says “I found this piece of cloth! Looks like it’s from the lab!” And you have to go on your Scour the Lab quest.

Scott Clarke is the true NPC of Stranger Things. There is one instance of Scott Not Furthering the Plot in season 1 and it’s when he’s at home, watching a movie with a ladyfriend (the biggest plot twist of season 1) before Dustin interrupts to make sure he doesn't get too comfortable and gets back to his job of Driving the Plot. So Scott tells him how to make a sensory deprivation tank.

I said that like a joke, but it’s actually so fascinating to me that we don’t just see Scott picking up the phone when Dustin calls, which would have been in line with everything else we’ve seen from him all season. This includes when Connie comes to wrangle the party’s identities out of him. We don’t see what he was doing before she arrives. We see her knock and only then do we see inside as he answers the door. But in this scene, we catch this brief glimpse of Scott’s life before Dustin interrupts and that interruption genuinely feels like it’s saying, “No, no, Mr. Clarke. You’ve misunderstood the assignment. You’re supposed to be helping, not relaxing.”

This happens again in season 3. We actually see inside his garage as he paints a little DnD figure while Joyce is knocking on the door before he hears her and gets up to greet her. It’s just a brief glimpse of his life outside of school. So what we know about Scott is that he likes science, he likes film, and he likes DnD. We actually already knew he liked DnD because he knew what the Vale of Shadows was in The Flea and the Acrobat and we could have guessed he liked film because he’s in charge of (and enthusiastic about) the AV Club. But what we know about Scott is, in short, his interests and that he cares about his students.

I think I need to take a moment to talk about why Scott is different from other side characters. Let’s keep on with season 1 for now. Barb is only in two episodes, but she’s developed enough that we see her emotions. We understand her worry that Nancy is outgrowing her. We see her frustrations as she’s dragged to a party where she doesn’t feel comfortable and then as Nancy abandons her. But ultimately, Barb IS the plot. She’s the instigator for Nancy’s journey. Similarly, Troy is the plot, serving as an obstacle for the boys. Tommy and Carol are antagonists to Nancy and Jonathan and offer Steve a self-growth arc. All of these side characters further the characterization of a protagonist. Scott only furthers the plot. (Don't @ me, I'm not implying he wasn't a great influence on the kids, I'm talking about what we see onscreen)

There are also side characters who don’t really do anything most of the time but maybe have a scene or two where they actually do something relevant. Like Holly. She’s just around most of the time, but then she notices the lights. Or Flo. She’s just at the office doing her job until she offers up some words about love and stupidity to Nancy.

No other side character consistently furthers the plot Every. Single. Time. they are on screen. And yet Scott is totally undeveloped. It’s his complete lack of independent journey combined with the way he appears solely to reveal information the protagonists require that makes him like an NPC. If he did not exist, the plot would halt. He is a destination the protagonists need to arrive at in order to achieve their goals. This is true of both seasons 1 and 3. In season 2, the plot actually would have been fine without him (I wouldn’t. I would not have been fine without Scott, FYI) but he was there to offer us foreshadowing and themes. His Chorus Era, as I am deeming it.

Season 2 also contains the only instance of Scott Not Furthering the Plot AT ALL in a scene. It’s at the Snow Ball. He’s briefly seen tacking up a banner and then again greeting Dustin. Nothing is revealed about him or his life through these moments, but they don’t serve the story in any way and frankly, that’s refreshing. Good for you, Scott. It isn’t like in seasons 1 and 3 where his peace is interrupted. Although, technically, Dustin still has to interact with Scott here in order to get into the Snow Ball.

I’m trying very hard to wrap this up without going into Theory Mode because I’m saving all that for my other post, but I feel like I just shat out a bunch of nonsense if there’s no Great Point I’m making. Conclusion: this character was written with a very specific purpose in mind. The writers made sure he was essential in every scene he is (has a speaking role) in except for one quick non-character-building interaction. And for a character so Important, he is left unusually underdeveloped. I don’t think this was an accident, that’s all. Scott Clarke for ST5.

[itsthenerdwonder]

Okay, before we end the PJO tv show, I’m gonna watch the shitty movie. I’ve reread the book, chapter by chapter, before each episode to compare it for myself. But let’s watch the movie to compare to the show AND book cuz why the eff not?

And since Percy is played by a 21 year old, I will also be drinking during this movie cuz BLEH!

20th Century Fox…you sure did last longer than 1999. For better and worse. And now Disney owns you and you’re nothing but a memory…a little more booze will fix that.

Chris Columbus, because everyone loved the first 2 Harry Potter movies. Well, they loved how good of adaptations they were as well as the Dumbledore actor.

Giant Poseidon rises out of the water…struggling to walk through water like he’s a human. AND A HUMAN SEES HIM AND HE’S JUST LIKE “sup” LIKE….THAT HAD BETTER BE A RANDOM TSUNAMI HE’S FUCKING SEEING! AND THEN POSEIDON JUST WATER MORPHS INTO A REGULAR GUY?! WHY ARE YOU NOW A REGULAR GUY?! WHY NOT JUST START AS A REGULAR GUY? Why be massive at all? Just, why?

You know, Sean Bean probably wishes he DID die in this movie so he’d never have to reprise. But, only the main 4 actually reprised so, you know, whatever. The franchise flopped enough to count as a death.

EXPSITION! TALKING! WALKING! BORING!

Also, this implies that Luke LITERALLY JUST TOOK IT! Like, days/hours ago and Zeus is already like “guess imma just kill a kid and cause WWIII in 2 weeks.” Like, Zeus has no chill, but he’s king of the gods for a reason. Those shits are PETTY! And do ALL KINDS of stuff that could’ve resulted in dozens of power plays/wars/other shitty things happen to the gods or mortals, but they didn’t cuz Zeus…actually knows how to rule. He just doesn’t know how to keep it in his pants. That’s a separate issue.

Such intense. Very dramatique standing. Much wow.

Honestly, even though this is a weird opening, it is a very good opening. Percy just…chilling in his element. Like, yeah, 7 minutes for a high schooler to just hold his breath is bad cuz 6 minutes and you start losing brain cells and teenagers don’t have cells to lose cuz they lost half of them to puberty and spend the next 10-15 years wrestling them back from their hormones and self-worth issues. But still, it’s a nice score after that intensely nothing scene, very calm and soothing, makes the “who could Percy’s dad” question feel very stupid but the movie isn’t trying to make you think, so you can just…be for that underwater scene. It’s nice. But unfortunately we don’t drown and the movie keeps going.

Although, with Rick adding that Percy does have a fear of drowning in later books, that does make this scene…terrifying. Is Percy trying to drown himself?

“It’s like high school without the musical” so…high school. Also, hey, an appropriately 2008 reference cuz these books can’t stop making references. Seriously, Rick, you can stop making references that date the books. You do a yearly reference per book but sometimes it’s multiple books per year. THAT’S NOT HOW DATES WORK.

Mrs. Dodds is teaching English cuz…Shakespeare is harder than high school trig? But it does give us a decent look at Greek letters superimposing over the early modern English as the letters move and rearrange and…this is the second nice thing I’ve said. SHIT! SAY SOMETHING DISPARAGING!

“I think this dyslexia thing is getting worse.” That’s…not how dyslexia works. “Idk, maybe it’s the ADHD.” This movie is dumb. Phew, I said something disparaging.

Percy sassing his mom makes me hate him rather than making me think they have a close relationship and he loves his mom and would literally kill for her.

Ah, the first sexual thing to happen on screen. And this is the only one to not make me mad cuz it’s Gabe being the worst.

“Show some respect. That’s my mom right there.” No, that’s his wife right there. Show him some of you leaving so he can continue to be a mortal pig stinking up the place and making you safe from monsters. God this Gabe is the worst, he’s fucking perfect.

Oh right, and the gods are telepathic too. Cuz…why? That’s never established in ANY myth or book. “I haven’t seen him since he was a baby” yeah, but apparently you guys have one-way phone calls where you give cryptic advice every other Tuesday.

AND THEY GET GREEK MYTH WRONG! “The Big Three overthrew Kronus.” *Pulls out 3 mythology books, 10 mythology websites and the fucking book.* Now, we’re not leaving until you learn these gods’ dam myths or you are carried away by Thanatos trying.

Mrs. Dodds honestly looks like such a creeper in this scene. Looking like she’s trying to sniff his hair. Ick.

Pierce Brosnan is a brilliant actor. He uses the wheelchair like a fucking pro, but then he keeps propping himself up at an odd angle away from the back like it’s uncomfortable to sit in. Which, would make sense given he’s got a whole other half folded up behind him.

It’s so interesting how the Furies keep getting wings in modern media. Like, classical depictions have them as just really really pissed off ladies. And that’s no lady. That’s a demon.

Logan was clearly thinking the CGI would grab his arms to lift him instead of underneath his arms, so he just looks really stiff cuz the CGI artists messed up.

“I should be on medication.” Well yes but actually no.

Also, how was the show’s lack of a fight scene better than this…almost fight? Pathetic attack and subsequent scolding? At least she died in the show, unlike here.

“Only use it in times of severe distress.” That line…makes no sense…cuz…like…he’s camp activities director for a bunch of demigods he’s training to fight to the death…WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN’T WANT THIS KID WHO’S IN IMMEDIATE DANGER TO USE A WEAPON?!

“This is a pen. This is a pen!” Well…at least some of this movie is fun/funny/almost enjoyable.

Movie!Percy is an ableist jackass who thinks crutches constitute helplessness. Book!Percy would beat Movie!Percy up for even SUGGESTING Grover couldn’t handle himself, much less kick someone’s ass. He’s seen Grover in the cafeteria line.

“Like I said, I’m your protector.” And suddenly, Eddie and the guys think Grover’s gay for Percy

“He was forced to leave.” I…the tide comes and goes. And so does Poseidon. He’s here, then he’s gone. But he’ll return again. Constant change. How is that so hard to write?

“Leaving you was probably the most difficult thing he ever did.” Okay, I know you’re not Show!Sally, but lady, Imma need you to do your research about your ex. Okay?

“Sally watch out!” For what? The cow didn’t enter the screen until the car was already turning to avoid it.

And this is why you wear a seat belt. All of you should’ve gone flying through that windshield cuz none of you were wearing seat belts.

I’m going to need Grover to never say “Come on” again. Please. For the love of Apollo.

I hate that invisible wall.

You know, it’s supposed to be raining. Which is why Percy does not insta-die. Cuz water. Instead, this kid is just the best at being a matador/sword fighting cuz Gary Stu.

“No. No. No. No. No. No.” LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! GIVE IT UP FOR THE WORST LINE DELIVERY IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN MOVIE! “I’d like to thank my mom, for dying. My teen angst, for not giving a shit for her dying. That math test I was supposed to take today I definitely didn’t study for that I was thinking about the same time as remembering my mom just died. None of you were important to me. And I’ll keep on not caring for the rest of this movie. Good night!”

This is the tiniest Camp Half-Blood ever…and the musical just had a small black box to work with. Sword combat training right next to archers firing at everything leaving the infirmary and both working to put you back in immediately after getting healed?

“I’m a loser. I have dyslexia. ADHD.” Look. 2010 was a different time. But like…did the writers KNOW what those were? That they’re unfortunately not an uncommon disability in America. For one or the other (usually not both, but most people don’t hear about half-bloods unless they make the news for blowing up Mount St. Helens. Again)

Look at Clarise kicking ass, even though she should have her hair up. “That’s Annabeth.” Oh, right. Every time.

Instant connection. Cuz…teenagers be horny I guess. Not like we can actually build up the relationship or anything. NOOOOO. Gotta be horny at first sight.

Pierce Brosnan is a terrible actor with how he’s holding his arms like he Naruto running, but they’re fists so it just looks stiff and awkward.

“A real horse’s ass.” I still don’t understand that joke. Not that one. The one in Aladdin where he says “a horse with two rear ends” but…RIGHT! Gotta focus on the worse movie.

All daughters of Aphrodite are sorority girls with Elle Woods’ body and libido without the Elle Woods brains. Remember when this story was supposed to be for 12-year-olds.

And there’s no question who his dad is cuz Poseidon just came to camp one day and decided to be a carpenter and carved “PεΓ<�� ωiιι βε HεΓε” right above the door

You know…the CGI on Chiron’s horse half looks pretty good.

“This stuff is so heavy!” That’s light leather! What are you talking about. I can show you several 12-year-olds wearing full metal breastplates, pauldrons and helmets carrying metal shields too (which also looks cheap, but still) that would laugh at how you think THAT is heavy.

Grover’s so upbeat here at camp…which is…interesting…

Camp Leader? Leader? I…what the fuck is happening. Why is Luke…more in charge than Chiron? And Mr. D comes next movie…DID MR. D TAKE LUKE’S JOB?!

Idk…maybe it’s just the Michael lingering in poor Adam Winchester, but…he just RADIATES evil, you know?

“That’s a sword. That’s a sword.” No shit.

But, you know, even with the shaky cam, the fight choreography is pretty good.

“My mother is goddess of wisdom and battle strategy. You know what that means?” You’re an inflated windbag who exposits a lot? Like, didn’t we already establish that 2 scenes ago? Yet, I almost needed it cuz I forgot she was Annabeth again and was like “Hey Clarisse” cuz she looks like how I picture Clarrise (who’s a blonde) and fighting against Percy and being a bitch and…yeah

Cuz she wouldn’t know to not leave a son of Poseidon anywhere near water? Like, even not knowing that it’d heal him, with admittedly decent effects, he’s already claimed and so she’d KNOW that maybe, just maybe, he’s a water boy. That and/or he’s probably pretty good on horseback.

And now the fight choreography sucks. I’m bored. Mostly by the 1-v-1 instead of war between many like we were doing. Like…they would be doing.

Grover isn’t hungry all the time here. He’s horny all the time. I hate it.

“I’m not going to grow a fish tail or gills am I?” Listen, I’d much rather be watching Thirteenth Year. Shut up.

“I have very strong feelings for you. I just haven’t decided if they’re positive or negative yet.” So…you think he’s hot, but a jerk. So…make it negative cuz…yeah, this Percy is a prick and I don’t want to be his friend. Where’s Book or Show!Percy. I miss them.

AND HADES IS SATAN BECAUSE EVERYONE SAW DISNEY’S HERCULES AS WELL AS FUCKING CHRISTIANS AND THEIR HATRED OF DEATH! I HATE THIS! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FOR DISPARAGING THE LORD OF THE DEAD LIKE THIS!

I’m also going to need Grover to stop saying “I’m your protector.” It’s almost as repetitive as “Come on,” but not quite. Not yet.

Luke playing video games is somehow the biggest change from the book. Not Annabeth eating Clarisse’s character. Not Mrs. Dodds teaching Shakespeare. Not that everyone knows Percy’s heritage and thus we cut out the “gods are deadbeats” theme from the books…nope. It’s the fact that this Ancient Greek summer camp has fucking electricity.

“My dad’s a jerk, I’ve never met him.��� You know, if it was ONLY book 1, I could forgive this. Knowing several books had come out and May Castellian’s story was able to be known…OOPS! Kinda forgot to read ahead to make sure everything lines up, huh?

I broke into a god’s house and stole stuff (I’m obviously not the Lightning Theif even though I’ve already stolen from the gods) like this book that’s still covered in dust which doesn’t make sense logically.

Shoe flies into the screen for all the 3D movie watchers out there. Honestly, I miss when 3D did gimmicks like that.

Persephone fucking around is not her character. Other than possibly Hades (and, that’s from Ovid, a Roman, who put in a line about her agency rather than the original Greek tale) she’s a virgin goddess. She’s called Kore, The Maiden, before she’s Persephone. Like…what’s with all the sex stuff and tying NONE OF IT TO ZEUS!?

Look, the 3 pearls given by Poseiden being made the 3 stopping points could’ve…not sucked, except, the first few books are very much adventures. Like Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Or any of the Lord of the Rings. We start at Point A and we’re going to Point B and crazy things happen on the way to make it interesting. Those things are just super dangerous cuz it’s an adventure inspired by The Oddessy rather than a Road Trip movie where those things are comedy based.

Map will only show 1 pearl at a time, so how does Luke know how many there are? He could be lying. Also this is why Mrs. Dodds needed to teach you Math, so you could do 1+1+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 4 PEOPLE STUPID!

Also, to get the map to show you the next one, just say I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good.

And Luke gives them a shield that takes 5 seconds to fully open which isn’t helpful because we saw none of the kids using shields so they probably would suck with them instead of knowing how to use it in a fight/forget it has a timer and they die by being impaled before the shield can fully open.

47 minutes in and we’re JUST NOW getting to the quest. And YET! It felt like we were running through the first 10 chapters.

Honestly, don’t totally hate the Highway to Hell song because it’s super on the nose.

*Grover sees rats* “That’s nasty.” YOU’RE A SATYR! YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE HAPPIER TO SEE NATURE DOING IT’S THING THAN EATING A TIN CAN! Probably…tin cans are also very delicious.

Annabeth is also a thief, stealing from Aunty Em like that.

The woman’s overacting is…why?

Grover should’ve been stabbed with how Percy was holding that thing.

Uma’s decision to rub her hands together to project her evil instead of just…holding herself with the confidence of a villainess was certainly a decision.

Huh, even the movie doing the “Medusa was a pretty woman” story…and even reference that she hates his dad instead of having a sweet spot like in the book…

What, is she just that persuasive? I think her snakes are venomous, so, like, she could do that instead of just…standing there saying “look me in the eye when you know I’m fucking Medusa.”

Percy with the iPod is…regrettably iconic.

Uma running is…regrettably memorable cuz it’s that bad rather than the iPod.

If Annabeth was able to get out with the arm broken off, she should’ve been able to get out with the arm attached, but I guess we can make Grover actually helpful.

“I don’t have the lightning bolt!” Except, since we cut Ares giving it to them in Colorado and put it in the damn shield…YES YOU DO!

Why is Medusa hitting on, supposedly, a teenager! Medusa is a ephebophile and needs to die for that much more than killing a woman who screamed too much.

That truck should be destroyed to hell and Percy should be dead.

No black man is giving up the hoodie under the jacket. That’s not happening.

Medusa is also bisexual if they found the pearl on her wrist like that so she could leave Persephone’s Garden whenever she wanted/needed.

Yay. Everyone hates country music.

I’m glad they have money for a 2 bed motel.

Wow. I’m so glad Percy can heal others with water like he’s frickin Katara.

“It’s a recent thing that Zeus said Fuck Them Kids. Like, 15 years recent.” Yeah, that’s not…that’s not why the gods are deadbeats.

Grover, not so loud. You wanna tell the entire motel ppl that we’re here?

Everyone remembered this scene from the movie and the tourist in the book and decided that’s why the show was bad in waiting until St Louis, like in the book, to say Percy was a fugitive of the law. Instead of, just…a troubled kid with a dead mom.

“That’s what I’m talking about, Gabe always running his mouth.” You met Gabe for 2 seconds at the apartment. You are talking about nothing. Gabe is always nothing with you. You know nothing. Shut up.

Boy, I’m so glad they slept so they could drive again instead of sleeping in the car, being awake at the motel, and driving all night to be awake in the day. Ugh.

The Athena Parthenos is not allowed to be there cuz we gotta find it in HoO. That’s also not how it looks in Nashville so, like, that’s gotta be the real Parthenos.

People check the bathrooms and would’ve escorted you out.

Annabeth is a racist who goes to kill the black guy first.

SINCE WHEN DOES SHE HAVE A CROSSBOW?! Since how does she know how to use a crossbow? Since why does she have a crossbow?

Surprised they’re not making a sex joke about groping Athena’s tits or something.

But…why would the hydra want a bolt of lightning? It wouldn’t even be able to use it.

Also, everyone’s seen Disney’s Hercules, and Winter Soldier is coming out in a few years. Grover also should’ve known that that was bad.

AND NOW SHE HAS A BOW AND FULL QUIVER OF ARROWS!

That’s a lot of water for a single water fountain.

Boy. I’m so glad they’re carrying Medusa’s head around instead of sending it to Olympus to get their parents to say “we see you, sweeties! We hate it, but we see you!”

And again, Grover saves the day and Annabeth only makes it worse.

“Several Continents” …you named 2, so it would be over those two continents. Also…how big is it? Is it as big as a mountain range? EQUAL to Europe and straddling the two continents?! ALL OF EUROPE AND ASIA?! Cause, honestly, it’d be weird, but a stormfront covering half of Europe/part of Asia at the same time wouldn’t be impossible. Storms be big. Europe be small.

I will say, points for the show to make it a real casino instead of an amusement park like in the book, cuz…that’s not really how casinos work. Like, they can have a really great secondary, non-casino part, but…a theme park like here in the movie and focusing on the arcade and making it massive like the book is…weird.

I’m gonna need Grover to be a little less horny.

That’s a lot of people for three teens. Instead of it being enticing, it’s forcing. Which…is not how the Lotus Eaters work.

The kids have never done drugs before cuz even the ones that make you happy don’t make you THAT kind of happy.

Honestly, still a great part of the movie, with Grover tearing it up. Get it, Goat Boy.

Percy, stop getting high. This is not part of the drugs, I swear. Percy. I AM YOUR FATHER, wait, Disney doesn’t own both properties yet.

Honestly, I’m expecting the lotus servers to ring security with how insistent they are. Like, damn.

Grover was about to have an orgy, cuz like, ugh!

“I can drive from Vegas to LA in 3 to 4 hours.” NOT WHEN YOU HIT TRAFFIC BITCH! And you will.

The sky doesn’t look like a massive storm cloud, it looks like really bad pollution.

Is Annabeth allowed to do anything? She didn’t read the sign. She didn’t help in Medusa. She BARELY DID ANYTHING in Nashville (not that she did much other than have a personality in St. Louis.) She was the same level of helpful in the Lotus Casino. Annabeth, why are you HERE?!

Grover, why are you asking Percy what anything about Greek Myth is? Again, Annabeth is the smart one!

Percy just gonna casually stab Charon and think he’s going anywhere? This is the Land of the Dead, boy! He cannot die! If he does, it just means a bigger back up in the waiting room.

I love that Death plays Charon. He’s such a good actor.

“We’re in a recession!” When are we not? Fucking American economy.

You know what, the Underworld green screen actually looks impressive. It’s well done.

“All lives end in suffering and tragedy.” This is not Hell. This is Hades. So where are the Fields of Asphodel? Where’s Elysium? It’s more than just the Fields of Torment! Tartarus is UNDER Hades. That’s not all Hades is.

Probably a super cute puppy! Nope, just 2 Hellhounds. But Mrs. O’Leary is so nice!

Persephone trying to hit on Grover is…I’m so done. Why Grover’s new personality gotta be horn dog?

I actually don’t hate Hades looking like an aging rocker look. It’s weird, but it’s at least a look. Unlike Zeus and Poseidon in the first scene with 0 style.

WHY IS PERSEPHONE SO HORNY FOR GOAT?!

“I was banished here by Zeus and Poseidon.” No, just Zeus. And you didn’t hate it. I mean, you hate it cuz it’s constant work, but you do a good job and would hate ruling the sea or sky.

Hades asking the real questions here.

Why is Hades backing out of the deal? Didn’t they see Disney’s Hercules?

“The only time I look forward to is my allotted time away from this hellhole.” You mean summer? Like, right now? Cuz you supposed to be top side, honey.

“Guys, it’s gotta be me, cuz I’m your protector…and also gonna bone a goddess.” I don’t hate him as Grover. I hate the writers for Grover.

How does Sally know where the entrance is, but still can’t get through? Also, another woman running up behind Percy or Annabeth shouting her lines annoyingly. Yay.

Wow, you’re really just gonna say that, huh.

“I was planning on giving the bolt to Hades the whole time.” Cuz fuck Kronos who we DID ESTABLISH VERY EARLY IN THE MOVIE!

This should be a much more intense fight between Annabeth and Luke knowing their history. But…it’s more of a Clarisse vs Luke fight cuz it’s weirdly choreographed and no dialogue to suggest they know each other.

“Why do you want a war with the gods?” Cuz fuck ‘em. “Control.” I…♪Everybody wants to rule the world♪ BUT LIKE! HE’S ALREADY APPARENTLY CAMP LEADER! HE’S ALREADY GOT CONTROL! WHAT WOULD BECOMING A GOD DO????

MISS! MISS! MISS! COME ON IT’S ULTIMATE POWER AND YOU MISSED 3X IN A ROW! MISS! HOW CAN YOU MISS? HE IS 3 FEET IN FRONT OF YOU!

Percy still should not be flying, but we need the battle to be more epic cuz Percy vs Ares isn’t cool enough and a sudden reveal is too subtle and intense. This final battle misses so many marks.

HE IS FLYING THROUGH A METAL BUILDING AND HE MISSED COMPLETELY! Luke is a terrible shot and just sucks. But apparently can throw a dagger at high speeds at a moving target, so he can aim, he just sucks when plot needs them to.

And there’s the movie poster.

And Luke should’ve been electrocuted, drowned, and died. He should not be alive. But then that would imply Percy is okay with killing people. Cuz Medusa clearly doesn’t count.

And another invisible wall. If she shouldn’t have been able to get to out, she honestly shouldn’t have been able to get on the elevator in the first place.

Look at Hogwarts, I mean, Olympus.

Party City called, they want $50 per costume.

“I have no connection to Poseidon.” I…clearly you do cuz you trusted him enough to help you get out of the Lotus Casino.

This Hermes looks like a loser and deserves Luke’s hate. Nathan Fillion Hermes is Nathan Fillion and still deserves Luke’s hate.

Zeus does not have power to bring back someone from the Underworld. That is not his jurisdiction! The gods can have overlap, 2 gods of war stuff kinda deal, but not fully take control of something that is their domain. Ares has fire eyes, but he cannot control the fire of the hearth. Hephestus and Apollo both make things, but the sun and the fire of a forge are NOT THE SAME!

AND THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER! THAT IMMORTALS CAN BECOME MORTAL JUST BY LOVING TOO MUCH?! LIKE?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Tiny baby horns means First Class Protector…that’s not how horns work! Zeus cannot grant a satyr the ability to grow the thing that he’s supposed to grown naturally and say it’s a promotion.

I’m so glad you left the camp where I’m training people to hopefully not die because I clearly don’t care about your safety.

Can Annabeth PLEASE fight with her hair up. “But it makes her look cool and effeminate.” It also means she won’t be able to se when it flies in her face. Like there. And there. And just know.“I kicked him out” she said. And yet, she just keeps the fridge with Medusa’s head and sees no problem with that? Had no plans on killing him with it, just decided that was going to be a better roommate than Gabe? I mean, I guess this Medusa knows how to go down on a woman, but her head is kinda limp and gross.

[silvermoon-soliloquy]

Please Don't Wake Up

(Part Six)

Summary: You have a crush on your best friend and you're sleeping over when you get hard and can't sleep; you try to rub one out quietly and not wake him up, you'll be mortified if he notices, but then he starts to stir...

cw: nsfw, m!reader x m!bf, oral (m!rec), handjob, voyeurism, mlm, thigh fucking, bottoming, small dom/big sub, pwr bottom/soft top

a/n: this is the product of 3 am horny fantasies, I apologize in advance; if you're looking for slow burn, I have other stories in my masterlist for you

[image is a couch from ikea, don't judge me]

---

Back from your thoughts, you wrapped your arms around him and held him tightly. “The only thing you’ve ever ruined is my sanity,” you said, taking a hand to caress his flushed face.

“How long have you…? I told you the truth, J. I fell in love with you that first year we met. I denied it and lied to myself, but I eventually accepted it, and I haven’t been able to shake you since. Now it’s your turn. Spill,” he demanded, his cheeks burning.

He looked as although he could almost cry. You cupped his cheek and softly ran your thumb across his face.

“Since the very beginning, before I ever had the chance to say a single word,” he confessed. Bee looked at you, flabbergasted.

“I didn’t realize it until I started dreaming about you in college, though. I think I lost too many brain cells in high school, college didn’t help, but maybe it finally shook something loose in that stubborn head of mine.

"At first, when you came into my dreams, I’d wake up feeling so ashamed and guilty I was using you like that when I didn’t even feel that way for you. When you started popping up before bed, though, I knew something was up.

"It took a lot of googling, and a lot of sleepless nights, but I eventually figured out that the reason I stopped all those years ago was because I literally couldn’t look away. You made me flustered with a single look, and my heart was an absolute mess.

"I was an oblivious idiot and I still am and I’m honestly not even convinced I’m not dreaming right now, and I don’t think I’ve ever said this many words in my entire life, and-,” he interrupted you spiraling with a gentle kiss that, for lack of better words, made you feel loved.

“I love you, J… I’ve loved you for over ten years, even if you are an oblivious muscle head that made me wait,” he breathed, as if raising his voice would break whatever spell the two of you were under.

You kissed him back, deeper than he had, both your hands wandering to places they were more than happy to be again.

“You made me wait too long…,” he whispered against your lips. “How was I supposed to figure it all out? You’re the smart one, remember?” you finished as he gasped underneath your touch.

“Stereotypical jock,” he scolded, making you laugh. “That I am, darling, I’ll just have to make it up to you in other ways,” you grinned, sitting up and gripping his ass.

“You better,” he said. “It’s been a while, I have a few ideas,” he added. You grinned like the cat that ate the canary.

“I did mention the years of guilty wet dreams, right? Well, now that the guilt is gone, there’s more than a few things I have in mind,” you said, running your tongue over your teeth while you stared at his thighs and thought of the lists you’d been making during this entire conversation.

“Well,” he exclaimed, leaning back and laying down, sprawled across the couch for only you to see.

“We’ve got time, get to it. You’re not the only one with lists,” he smirked demandingly.

Ah, goddammit.

You were never sleeping, again, were you? But, then again, there are worse things in the world to keep you awake, and who better to stay awake with than him?

You laughed, deep and slow, your eyes devouring him as you towered over him without your body even having to.

“Let’s get started, shall we?” 

THE END

Masterlist

[mochitoaster]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! <- sorry I am not normal about 'Eat your heart out' It's amazing and fantastic and I couldn't read chapter 4 without taking a break. ITS SO FUCKED UP THEYRE SO FUCKED UP and I love it <3 Pac letting Cellbit destroy him if it makes Cellbit feel good no matter how much it hurts him?? they're so not good for each other and they are ruining each other and they can't stop and !!!!!

'They’re always touching, whether it’s holding hands, hugging, or kissing. They play with each others hair, cradle each others faces, lost in the obsessive hold they have over each other.' <- I am insane. This fic has changed my brain chemistry I will never be normal about anything again.

'He’s safe here, with Cellbit. Nothing can hurt him except for Cellbit. Their existence is so fragile. Pac can die one thousand deaths, yet one singular person finding out could ruin all of it. Cellbit could lose this, could lose Pac . ' <- literally going insane throwing myself into a volcano THIS FIC IS AWESOME. the way you write is so unique and I quite literally read your writing for days without stopping.

Also Mike??? being so concerned for his best friend?? knowing that something's happening to Pac and Cellbit has something to do with it but he can't do anything???? SCREAMING

AND ROIER!!! Him trusting Cellbit so much. jsut AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AND THEM DISCOVERING PAC AND CELLBIT!! mike calling him Cell. I'm sorry I am struggling to have compressive thoughts about this.

“I don’t know if it’s a good one, but it’s the one I’ve got.” <- FUCK I CAN'T WAIT FO CHAPTER 5!!! I would have been happy if this fic was a oneshot, but you've put so much effort into this and you've created such a fantastic fic. The way you describe things is so vivid and jsut!!! Thank you for writing this.

This ask got me so excited I had to pace around for like an hour to get enough energy out to respond to it like!!!!!!!!! This makes me SO HAPPY I’m so fucking glad you’re enjoying my fic :D

I’m so proud of what I’ve written and I’m so so so overjoyed that you enjoy my writing style!!!!!!!

[voiceshearingyouloud]

Having a rough time of it over the past few days because I think the trauma of the psychotic episode is catching up to me (this will surprise literally none of you if you’ve been watching me change my url and the posts I’ve been reblogging). I realised about three days ago that I was in denial about the psychosis actually having happened and I kept feeling like it was a bad dream that I would wake up from until I realised hmm, this is reality and there is nothing I can do to change the fact that it happened and that this is my life now.

I think that’s what’s sent me into this like. essentially grief like state because in a way it is grieving, for the me there was before this changed my life and for the future I thought I’d have, and for the safety I took for granted in my brain and the certainty I’ve lost that I’ll always be able to keep control over my actions. It’s one of those like, I want to sleep all day and I can’t get out of bed, and I have no motivation to go to class or do work or cook or eat or shower or do anything really. I do want to talk to people, but I can’t call or text my gf for a week cause they’re away from cell service on a school trip and my family is busy tonight and therapy is on wednesdays and this started on wednesday night and I feel like I’m burdening everyone with my issues anyway. Idk, that’s why I’m making this post but I just feel so crushed by everything and I want to sleep and recover for a few days but I have things to do.

I might take my 48 hours excused from deadlines break thing because the way my deadlines are scheduled I could knock out a whole weeks worth of work with that break. I’ll take it easy this weekend and see if I can get enough work done that I won’t need to, but if I do need to I think this is as good a time as any to use it, especially since I can claim covid for a week later in the semester if I need to.

[the-duckless-pond]

My best friend has been radio silent for a while and I thought she might respond when I told her that Boo was sick but she didn’t and that’s okay and I’ll keep updating her on Boo’s health but I super need to vent and I have literally no other friends to talk to and am very alone because I would talk to my mother but whenever I try she just tells me she has too much info in her brain and can’t hear me. So. Yeah. I’m dealing with this absolutely alone. And I’m stressed as fuck.

Last Friday the 16th Miss Boo was diagnosed with probably stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). It is terminal. There is no cure. But there is treatment, so that’s good. She could have months or even many many years left. There’s no way of knowing. I am trying to prepare for months but I am hoping for years.

She is on a diet now, Hill’s Prescription Kidney Care both wet and dry. Wet at specific time and dry for free feeding. Although as of today there is a strike or a protest or something because neither Boo nor Callie want to eat their wet food. I got so frustrated that I cried. Boo has lost an alarming amount of weight since April. Almost an entire pound. I need to get calories into this cat SOMEHOW. And I like to include Callie because I love her and want her to feel good and loved. So I tried the wet food today. Nothing. I tried mixing in their old wet foods. Nope. I tried CatSip. Nope. I tried their favorite treats. Nope. I tried homemade chicken broth. Nope. I tried turkey broth. Nope. They are just refusing. And I got so upset and frustrated and hopeless feeling that I collapsed on the floor very dramatically and cried because I don’t want my cat to waste away and I need Callie to eat her senior food because she is older too and it will help her. But they just refused everything. They are still snacking on the kibble so at least there is that, but hydration is a problem in CKD and I need Boo to be eating wet food. So I sobbed about it because it was just too much after the day I’ve had.

Jumping back to the lead in to the sobbing, when Boo had her blood work and urinalysis last week they found cocci bacteria in her urine but no blood cells so they assumed it was a contaminated sample. Which is dumb because it was taken directly from her bladder with a needle so like… how. But. Whatever. I talked to the vet and she assured me it was fine. It was not fine. I went on my support group and shared her test results and others noticed the cocci as well, and urged me to look into the symptoms of UTIs as they can be common in CKD cats. So I did, for hours I did. And then I spent the next 24 hours watching her. She was drinking more and urinating more than normal and in small amounts. And I found out that she even went outside the box twice - a first in all our thirteen years together. All signs pointed to a UTI.

So I made the soonest appointment I could get, which was next Tuesday. And then I panicked and watched her like a hawk and checked her urine for blood because these things can turn into kidney infections if left untreated which can speed up the progression of CKD and lead to crashing. So basically the nightmare. I spent hours panicking and debating on whether or not to take her to the kitty ER down the road. It was awful. And so very stressful. And I didn’t have any of my as needed anxiety meds.

Fortunately the vet contacted me this morning, literally right as I had decided to take her to the ER, and told me that given the symptoms I listed when making the Tuesday appointment they were concerned it was a UTI. I felt so vindicated! I was right! They wanted to start her on a trial of antibiotics and then check in four days after the course was complete, in roughly two weeks, to do another urinalysis and look for bacteria. If they are present then we will do another round of antibiotics.

God, that was such a relief. I was dreading hearing her crying out while urinating or something or finding blood in the box. Dreaded. It was stressing me the fuck out to the point where I had trouble sleeping. I even overnighted some puppy pee pads to place around the litter boxes in the spots she has been going so that I could know if there was blood in her urine (and also to protect my carpets but much less so).

Anyway, as soon as the medicine was ready I picked it up and took it home and read the instructions. This is my first time medicating a cat so I was, and am, feeling overwhelmed as fuck. I emailed the doctor a bunch of questions about how to give it to her and basically I could mix it into anything I wanted as long as I made sure she consumed the entire dose.

I chose CatSip, because that is her favorite treat (that is getting daily because any calories are good calories). I made a bowl for Callie too so that she wouldn’t feel left out. The antibiotic liquid is a creamy white just like the treat so I needed to separate the bowls so that I didn’t get them confused. So I set Callie’s bowl down and mixed the medicine into Boo’s and called her over. She didn’t come.

Where was she? Drinking Callie’s snack. Sigh. It was all gone, too. I apologized to Callie and told her she would need to wait just a little longer. I picked up Boo and took her and her medicine snack to the bedroom and closed the door. Thus began thirty minutes of trying to get her to finish it because she had already had some and didn’t want anymore. Ugh. So, that was stressful. She finally did finish it, and according to the website it starts working within two hours but I might not notice changes or her feeling better for a day or two. I choose to believe that she is starting to feel better already.

We left the bedroom and Callie finally got her snack. Boo tried to steal it again (naughty girl!!!) but I redirected her and Callie was able to have the entire serving.

Then everyone was happy and I felt better because Boo had medicine in her and that was an improvement over prior. They both napped in the living room with me while I read the news.

And then I realized boo’s next dose would be at 2:30am. And school starts in just a few days and I’m trying to fix my sleep schedule. And I got stressed all over again because what am I supposed to do? Just go to bed like normal and hope she doesn’t suffer overnight? Stay up to give her the medicine and hope it doesn’t fuck up my sleep schedule too much? How am I supposed to do this alone? Stress increasing by the second.

I decided to stay up until 2:30am to give her the medicine. And then tomorrow she won’t get her next dose until about 5pm. I am going to increase it by just over 2 hours, which is according to what I read online in articles, an acceptable grace period. Then I’ll wake up at 5am the next day, and her following dose won’t be until 7pm. Then, finally, we will be on a 7am and 7pm schedule. That gives me like 2 days to fully fix my sleep schedule which is only going to add to my stress levels but I honestly don’t know what else to do and I am so fucking tired

I haven’t been sleeping well at all. Ever since we got back from the vet last week, she hasn’t slept in bed with me. And this cat has not missed a single night in 13 years until now. I have gone to sleep with Boo snoring on my pillow since I was 17 years old. So you can imagine how poorly I am sleeping with silence. And how fucking lonely it all is without her. She sometimes comes to check on me but she never stays. Most nights I cry myself to sleep from missing her so much. It’s awful. I started having to put on podcasts to be able to fall asleep because Callie doesn’t snore. She started sleeping in the tower beside the bed so I’m not like alone alone but it’s not the same. She doesn’t snore and she’s not on my pillow where I can hold her little paw and whisper how much I love her. And meanwhile Boo is in her tower in the living room so far away from us and me and the walls in the new apartment are really good and I can’t hear her snoring through the wall. I can’t hear it at all. And it all makes me so fucking sad that I can’t help but cry.

And I know she is t feeling well and she is doing what she needs to do and I respect that and won’t disturb her but I miss my baby. I miss normal bed routine. I miss when she wasn’t nauseous in the mornings. I don’t have anything to help with that yet so she just has to deal with it. My poor girl. I just want to help her feel better. I guess at least I can do something about the UTI and keep giving her her antibiotics in the CatSip. That worked really well. I’ll just have to separate her from Callie before and after and Callie will have to wait until we are done to have hers. Sorry baby. I am doing my best but there is only one of me.

Everyone is resting but me now. It is almost 10pm. Four and a half ish hours to go. I am planning on either reading or watching a show. I might take a bubble bath. I might try to make muffins because they sound so soothing and nice and I sure could use something soothing right now I am so fucking stressed and overwhelmed and out of my depth.

Or maybe I’ll pass the time reading nonsense and pretending that it makes me feel better. I did that last time I couldn’t sleep and it kind of helped.

I keep wanting to work on my story but honestly how am I supposed to think like this? With all this on my plate? I have no clue how to do it. And school is starting soon, too. Gah. More things to enter my brain and distract me. And I’ll have to actually focus on that. Learn. Absorb. Ugh. I’m not ready.

It’s a lot. A lot a lot. I have a good vet and I have a good therapist but I really wish I had a friend right now. That’s all I really want right now. A friend to listen. Just so that I don’t feel quite as alone dealing with all this.

It doesn’t matter does it. Not like people actually care about me these days. It hasn’t felt like anyone has given a damn about me in a long time. I guess I just have to live with that.

[dairyofaborderlinebrat]

My intrusive thoughts are going to kill my existing brain cells and turn them into dust.

I literally cannot stop thinking about fuckin him just for the sake of it now. Just because I waited so long. And because I fucking know If I kissed him again, it wouldn’t be like all those scared nervous kisses I’ve given him before.

I would press my lips against his so fuckin hard and take a hold at his beard while I a small noise through my closed mouth.

Shit, FUCK. I should not be thinking about it, but I can’t help it. It’s eating me alive now that I asked him to think about meeting up. At first, I wasn’t even thinking about why I said that.. I just wanted him to stop typing because I knew it was getting stressful for us both to try to talk about such deep feelings over text..

FUCK, I’m so sick of talking to him over text now. What’s wrong with me ?

Is it really because he’s talking to someone else ? Would I really go that far even if I was rejected ? Just so he would have to tell her I came on to him, knowing that would just cause drama and make me look kinda slutty. Fuck.

I am slutty. I was so fucking slutty for him in the most innocent and distant ways.

And it hurt so bad to throw away the ghost stuffie he got me knowing every fuckin time I look at it I think of him.. of sitting on him. On the picture I sent him, the reactions he had.. how hard he got and how wet it made me… FUCK.. it hurts so bad thinking about it I feel like I could throw up all over this bed.

Meeting up I don’t think in the moment I would try anything, since I have anxiety. But

But I also know how angry I am. How mournful I am. How desperate I am for him again that I wouldn’t even know how my body would feel until it was next to his again. The thoughts of that alone stab me at my core knowing I’d start crying and want him to hold me.

And maybe that’s what I’d have to avoid.. but won’t want to.. crying. Him possibly holding me even for a slight hug.

If his body even touches mine, I don’t know.

Fuck I don’t know. I’m losing my fucking mind and I don’t wanna feel like this. I wanna feel him . Even if it’s one last time. I wanna fuck him for the first and last time. I wanna know finally what it’s like .. all these long months.. I wondered and tried to build trust for him.

Now all I feel is a lust for his touch. An ache in my heart to know he wants me just as much as I still want him.

I feel like I’ve lost all respect for myself. Or maybe I just don’t fucking respect his bitch or her feelings enough to not fuck him right there if he kisses me back.

[memoirsofaseraph]

Hi baby,

It’s been a while, right? I missed you really much. I missed pouring my thoughts out to you here. I meant to write something special for your birthday but the words just wouldn’t come out, for some reason. I think it was the nerves, maybe the anticipation too. I felt so stressed out about your birthday, and I’ve never been stressed out for anyone’s birthday before. November 20th was a very, very, very special day. My favorite day of this month. I know you don’t really care about your birthday and stuff but I do, I want to make your next birthdays even more special. I wanted you to have a nice and fun day and I wanted you to be soooooo happy at the end of it, I hope I succeeded at doing this. I know I’m a day late but still, I wish you the happiest birthday of birthdays ever (again). Je suis très contente d’être celle avec qui tu as été coincé toute cette journée et avec qui tu passeras tous tes prochains anniversaires.

I also want to respond to your last entry.  I find it so crazy that you had this dream and that you told me about it only yesterday night — even though you dreamed about it a couple of nights ago because... well... it’s your turn to bear with me. Yesterday evening, before going to bed and having our usual little date night, I was just sitting there, lost in my thoughts (more like overthinking, really), and I had this thought like "Please, give me a sign if things are gonna work out for me". I told you I’ve been praying for this and hoping it would turn into reality and bla bla bla, right? But waiting is hard, real hard. It’s like the hardest part of the process. So I was trying to make it better, to make it more bearable, I guess. And asking for a sign that would potentially mean that I would go made me feel a little better. But I wasn’t really expecting anything, I was just wishing for it. Having faith gave me a semblance of peace. But then, the fact that you had this dream and that you told me about it right after I asked for a sign… Literally a few hours later. Am I overreacting or is that really crazy? I genuinely think it’s so insane. I know it could be a silly coincidence because that’s all I’ve been talking about, so it’s no surprise your brain would make you dream about it. Like I manifested this to happen in your dream. However, this timing? It made me pause. So, even though it might be nothing significant, I just needed to remind you how much of a lucky charm you are for me, all the time. Even now. Look at this? The way things seem to align for me ever since you came into my life is crazy. And it’s not even only about me getting things or things working out for me, it’s also about how much you put my mind at ease, even when it's in its messiest state. How much peace you bring to me, every day. That's so very precious to me and it matters so much.

And I just wanted to thank you for always being here, for always showing up as my little lucky charm, especially when my anxiety is at its peak (which is when I’m the most annoying and overwhelming, I'm sorry). Even beyond the coincidences and the wishes, you just have this incredible ability to understand me like nobody else does, to really see me. It's like you see through the mess my head is, at all times. And you know exactly what to do or say to calm me down, even subconsciously. Just like you did right now, when you told me about your dream. I really hope I do the same for you. I hope I make life easier for you, and I hope I ease your mind as much as you ease mine.

I love you, so much. I have so much more to say. So many thoughts spinning in my head all at once that desperately need to come out but I’m lacking time, again. I’m always lacking time, and I’m so sorry. I love and miss you, baby. I really hope my words were able to keep you a little company while I’m not there. I wish I could be with you right now. But I’m thinking of you, always. Even when I’m sleeping.

I love you.

[woodlnds]

Doing this all in one day because I can and because I’m a bit tired so here we go (bee mode: activated)

1. What type of dirt would your kintype eat?

Since many insects including myself are attracted to salty flavors, most likely something rich in minerals. Maybe dirt rich in iron, the kind that is usually a deep rusty red color? I feel like this question would be better answered if I were a termite instead

2. Warm or cold ocean water?

As an insect, I would drown. So hard no lol. As a human, however, cold water since I’ve grown up in the northwestern pacific.

3. Describe a pie your made from three ingredients your kintype would eat, including crust:

Definitely something sweet and sugary, although I do love me a good savory pie. Perhaps apple, raspberries, and a nice buttery flakey crust.

4. If your kintype suddenly opened their eyes, what would they be looking at?

Realistically? Either some flowers if I were a nectar collector, or other bees and larvae if I were a nest caretaker. Right now if I were to transform into a bee? I would be suffocated under my covers in bed, lmao.

5. Do you like sticks?

Yes, they make lovely resting spots. As a human? Ape brain makes me want to play with them.

6. Do you like leaves?

Yes, also makes for a good resting spot. You can hide under them during bad weather if you’re small like me.

7. Does your kintype migrate?

Not really, however, we (workers) may spend up to 12 hours a day gathering food and traveling upwards of 6-13 kilometers away from the nest.

8. Sleepy or awakey?

I should be active considering I’m literally a bee, but I prefer to snooze. Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone

9. Smaller or larger than a breadbox?

The breadbox is just an airplane hanger for me. I’d get lost in there.

10. Describe the vegetation below your kintype’s feet

The petals, leaves, stigma, or filaments of a flower probably. If I were at the nest, I would be sitting atop the brood cells, made out of wax from the queen and nest caretakers.

11. Most specific or unusual shift?

Antennae between my eyebrows, extra limbs coming from my rib cage, also some first-person dream shifts of myself flying which is interesting

12. What website is your kintype most like?

Something structural, nicely organized, but natural and rustic at heart. Maybe iNaturalist?

13. Hey, how’s it going?

Well as of right this instant, very cold and uncomfortable. A bumblebee simply isn’t made for negative temperatures and yet here we are! (Lots of blankets, warm drinks, and socks)

14. If given a cellphone, what would your kintype do with it?

Get a sense of it using my antennae, smelling and tasting it. I certainly couldn’t use it.

15. How do I make my room more like my kintype?

I have lots of indoor plants to simulate the wilderness inside, as if it were my own little jungle. My room is ‘organized chaos’ as my friend used to say.

16. Favorite kind of fabric?

Things made from yarn, wool, fur, natural and warm textures make me happy. It replicates insect hair nicely.

17. Are you bitey?

If I’m feeling like it, sure. I try not to let my emotions get the better of me, but sometimes things need a good chomp.

18. How does your kintype feel about chia seeds?

To eat? No no no. Bad texture. Gag worthy. Chia pets are kinda fun though

19. Could your kintype knit? If not, what about instructions?

Absolutely not, sorry. Maybe if I had bee-sized yarn and tools I could try, but it’s hard when you have just two claws. Having six legs isn’t always a blessing. As for instructions? I would try but I wouldn’t get your hopes up, I never know what I’m doing either lol.

20. Describe your kintype’s skin texture in great detail

Oh boy. Well as you know, most if all insects have exoskeletons, skin that practically acts as armor. A bee’s skin is soft to human touch, but averagely tough for most other insects. Above the sleek and smooth exoskeleton, we have fine hairs that cover all of our body. The hair is very soft, and almost velvety to the touch. Preening and allopreening is important to keep the hairs clean and free of debris.

21. Glossy or matte?

Glossy, because it’s pretty. Matte feels a little uncanny for some reason.

23. Wildcard: random kintype fun fact?

The older a bumblebee is, the more likely it’s hair has been sun-bleached. By spending enough time in the sun during clear sky days, their bodies turn pale or even white the closer they are to dying. Morbidly haunting, but beautiful in a way. For example:

(both pictures listed here are of carder bees, one of which on the right, is much older and exhibits sun-bleached hair.)

24. Kintype’s most acute sense?

Smell! Bees have a sense of smell 100x better than that of humans, and they use this sense to communicate by olfactory cues and pheromones.

25. Alone in the forest with no provisions, how long would your kintype survive?

Depends, honestly. During the fall or winter? I would be dead within hours, unfortunately. During the spring and summer, as long as nectar and sugars are available, I could probably live out my lifespan. Although it is very tough for banished or misplaced bees to survive without help from their siblings, queen, or the the nest.

26. Kintype as a canned vegetable?

Hmm. No thanks. What about pineapple?

27. It’s getting dark, does your kintype awake, sleep, or panic?

We aren’t nocturnal, so we sleep together at night. A bee away from the nest at night is a recipe for disaster.

28. How many fingers do you have and why?

I have two claws on each foot, but I have six legs in total. Now I’m trying hard to not think of a bee with human hands. Thanks.

29. What’s a really nice smell?

Patchouli, a fresh campfire, fir and pine trees, plumeria, peonies to name a few.

30. Has this unhinged you further…?

No, this was actually fun! I would love to do it again with different questions.

unhinged 30 days of otherkin challenge

Saw someone mention doing this ages ago and I wrote up my own for fun, but then forgot about it. So, here, uhhhh have this

---

rules:

- go feral

- if you're polykin, pick whatever kintype is most pertinent for each question, or the kintype you'd like to answer for

- anyone is welcome to do this, despite this being labeled for otherkin

---

1. what type of dirt would your kintype eat?

2. warm or cold ocean water

3. describe a pie made from three ingredients your kintype would eat, crust included, go

4. if your kintype suddenly opened their eyes, what would they be looking at?

5. do you like sticks

5. 5 again. do you like leaves

7. does your kintype migrate

8. sleepy or awakey

9. are you smaller or larger than a breadbox

10. describe the vegetation around your kintype's feet

11. what's the most specific or unusual shift (if you experience them) you've experienced

12. what website is your kintype most like

13. hey, how's it going

14. if given a cellphone, what would your kintype do with it

15. how do you make your room/home/surroundings more suited to your kintype

16. tell me about your favorite kind of fabric…like, just in general, unrelated to your kintype(s)

17. are you bitey

18. how does your kintype feel about chia seeds

19. can your kintype knit? if not, could your kintype knit if given instructions

20. describe your kintype's skin texture in great detail

21. glossy or matte

22. wildcard, I'm getting tired of writing these

23. you hear a scratching noise around the corner, what does your kintype do

24. what's your kintype's most acute sense

25. alone in a forest with no provisions, how long does your kintype survive

26. describe your kintype as a canned vegetable

27. it's getting dark out, does your kintype sleep, wake up, or PANIC

28. how many fingers do you have and why

29. what's a really nice smell

30. has 30 days of this unhinged you further?

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster Pt.2

Rio: I wasn’t about to indulge you, there’s a dare at stake, remember

Buster: Firstly, compared to me, you are and secondly, how could I forget?

Rio: Only in lifestyle, I wouldn’t hang around with the crowd in Dublin who acts like yours here

Rio: not for long enough to pick up any bad habits, anyway

Buster: Because you have the luxury of diversity and your choices of bad habits to pick up

Buster: I wouldn’t spend [the insanely long time it takes to get to a different area because London be cray like that] trying to search out a different crowd

Rio: That’s a terrible excuse

Rio: You couldn’t be in a more multi-cultural city, literally

Rio: the diversity back home is awfully white, like

Buster: What I’m in is a bubble, as you’re well aware

Rio: The most popular kids who fitted in the best at your school looked and acted like you are now, that’s all

Rio: it doesn’t mean everyone within your postcode is as bad as them

Buster: The majority are, and rules, babe

Rio: Well, bubbles burst

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Just get out, soon as you can

Buster: You’re years too late with the warning, I’m not Nancy, I’ve already made plans

Rio: no, I know, I’m reminding you, it’s not meant to be a pity dinner

Buster: It isn’t, nobody has sympathy at the ready for rich kids, least of all waiters and sommeliers

Rio: Too right

Rio: well I’ve just made your sister significantly less rich 

Buster: Good, a significant amount of champagne bubbles are probably going to her head as we speak, and she’s bound to already be in the perfect setting for a pity date of her own

Rio: I’m glad I don’t have to feel bad for her because it would really be a downer right now

Rio: no sign of Velma or any of them on the socials today

Buster: Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s lost her fake glasses

Buster: it’d be a downer to discuss how few brain cells she had available to sacrifice

Rio: She had to be talked into being the ugly friend somehow

Rio: and you made fun of my wig

Buster: No I didn’t, I just made sure you weren’t going to be able to find it in the cold light of day either

Rio: You prefer blondes

Buster: I prefer hair that isn’t plastic, obviously

Rio: Rude!

Rio: Fire engine red is never looking natural, boy

Buster: I didn’t ask you to appear with Ferrari coloured hair

Rio: I didn’t get your suggestions on that one

Buster: You should’ve

Rio: You didn’t invite me, otherwise you could’ve been more specific

Buster: If I’m going to invite you somewhere it’d be an event we both actually want to attend

Rio: It’s not as if I was waiting for you to, don’t worry

Buster: It’s not as if I was waiting at the door to turn you away

Rio: The party hadn’t got that bad when I arrived, no

Buster: Be a record even for Nance

Rio: Are you going to tell me your costume ideas now, before we start talking about one of the things we don’t want to again

Buster: Are you doing fancy dress for your birthday as well?

Rio: I can think of my own ideas, tah very much 

Buster: Then you’ve got no need of mine and I’ll keep them to myself

Rio: What if I dared you to tell me

Buster: Are you?

Rio: I’m undecided

Rio: you might just reel off the top 5 uninspiring costumes you remember from last night and liked better than mine

Buster: I don’t remember liking anyone’s better than yours

Rio: then I am actually curious

Buster: [I’m not committing us to specifics in case I accidentally do reel off uninspiring costumes lol because he would not and is just shamelessly outing himself and his fantasies rn we all know it, y’all are flirting]

Rio: Now I know

Rio: I’ll be better prepared for the next event we actually want to attend

Buster: But you were a perfect mermaid, again

Buster: I can’t lie

Rio: It might be worth stealing your party MO if you wore your costume again

Rio: as we’re telling the truth right now

Buster: Wouldn’t you like to see what other costume ideas I have for myself?

Rio: You’ve never heard of a costume change?

Rio: Even matching the amount of ideas you had for me, could fit it into a weekend, just

Buster: I suppose, I’ve had to take mid party showers before, it wouldn’t be a first

Rio: There you go

Buster: I’ll wait impatiently for your invite

Rio: Would you actually come though, as you’re already obligated to at the end of December

Buster: If you actually want me to, yeah

Rio: If I have a party, I want you to come

Buster: All you have to do is ask and I’ll be there, party or not

Rio: I feel like [boyf’s name, idc lmao] is going to take me away, that’s more his style, so

Buster: Style isn’t the word

Rio: At any rate, would be awkward if I invited you to that

Buster: Slightly, but at least it would get rid of him

Rio: then it would be just us

Buster: That’s how birthday girl perks work, you get what you really want

Rio: Shh

Buster: True, your wish might not come true if you tell me about it

Rio: You’re so ridiculously arrogant 🙄😏

Buster: It would be ridiculous if I was [flop bf’s name]

Buster: but I’m me

Rio: Yeah, you’re you and I’m me and we’re cousins, remember

Buster: I’m not allowed to forget, like it or not

Rio: That’s family, I guess, nicely summed up

Buster: Yeah, no choice in the matter sums it up exactly

Rio: It’s not even a compliment to also remind you that there are worse members of said family than you, tbh

Buster: You love giving me backhanded compliments, I don’t need reminding of that

Rio: Obviously I’m just fishing for you to say it back

Buster: You know how high you are up my list and how short it is

Rio: do I?

Buster: Don’t you?

Rio: I dunno

Rio: we’ve argued loads, like you said

Buster: Oh come on, I love arguing

Rio: Mm, I do know that

Buster: and now you know you’re one of my favourite people to argue with

Rio: Damn

Rio: sorry for being so nice this whole time, feel bad for depriving you now

Buster: Without the challenge you’d be one of my least favourite, so don’t be

Rio: That was backhanded, that’s my gig

Buster: I take what I want and nothing is off limits to me, I’m not sorry for it

Rio: I’ll live without the apology

Buster: I’ll try and live with you being nice to me

Rio: Do you want me to stop

Buster: No

Rio: I could try, if you needed

Buster: You need [those cocktails], remember

Buster: I could wear them almost as well as you’re going to wear [whatever he picked, we don’t know] but I’d feel bad for depriving you the full spotlight

Rio: If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to pull focus, making a scene is pretty high up the list of skills I possess too

Buster: Still, tonight’s a truce

Rio: I’m not going to waste a good [cocktail]

Buster: You’d send grandad to an early grave

Rio: 🥺

Buster: It’s a big enough tragedy how much time we’ve wasted

Rio: I told you I’d be late, it’s entirely your fault

Buster: I thought you meant fashionably

Rio: I had to go get my makeup done, you can’t wear a dress like that with a bare face

Buster: You could, a face like yours

Rio: You’re coming for nice today too

Rio: I don’t mind, for the record

Buster: For the record, whatever it takes to get you through the door some time before you’re due at the airport

Rio: Alright, alright 😅

Buster: 🥺 even, if necessary

Rio: That won’t be necessary, not sure I could handle that

Buster: Be here in less than 15 and you won’t have to

Rio: Telling the driver to hurry is too rich kid for me but 

Rio: up for the challenge

Buster: Having to make up for my behaviour with a big tip is standard for me, don’t worry

Rio: I’m not going to think about that at all

Buster: I promised distraction

Rio: You could always try harder

Buster: It is my gig

Rio: I can agree with that

Buster: The driver wouldn’t argue

Rio: yeah?

Rio: Wouldn’t want to risk his tip

Buster: I’ve paid it, but if he’s checking the app right now, tell him to stop risking your life

Rio: I’ll ruin my makeup if I 😳

Buster: Impossible

Rio: not how it feels

Buster: I know, I could ruin your makeup as easily too

Rio: Easy isn’t the word

Buster: Yes it is

Rio: It can’t be

Buster: It could be, that’s the issue, I could ruin you in a second

Rio: it’s the then what that’s the real issue

Buster: Yeah

Rio: that’s going to last longer than a second

Buster: So would I, the dramatic effect of what I said before aside

Rio: Not long enough

Buster: You’ll have to use your superior imagination and leave it at that

Rio: Is that what you reckon then? Alright

Buster: It’s dinner and then you’re going back to your real life

Rio: If you say so, see you when I get there

Buster: We don’t have long enough, you said so

Rio: That’s just true, we never will

Buster: I’ve never lived my life like that

Rio: Me neither but it’s not exactly a run of the mill eventuality, why would we know how to deal with it

Buster: Because I know how to deal with everything

Rio: It isn’t as if anyone is going to find out about this mark against your record

Buster: That’s not why it matters

Rio: you headfucked me too

Buster: You can’t be the fucking exception, there aren’t any

Buster: I know what I’m doing, that’s who I am

Rio: So we stick to the plan, it’s dinner

Buster: And after, I drop you at the airport

Rio: you want to just prove you can

Buster: I don’t have anything to prove

Rio: maybe I do then

Buster: You don’t either

Rio: Okay

Buster: Nothing happened last night, nothing’s ever happened

Rio: you can finish the sentence, I get it, like

Buster: It is a complete sentence, you can be alone with me

Rio: We’ll forget it

Buster: No, but we won’t ruin Christmas

Rio: Alright, that’s something, we’ll work with that

Buster: We can do this, it isn’t anything we haven’t had to do loads of times before

Rio: I barely said anything 

Rio: you either, it’s all good

Buster: It’ll be fine

Rio: Sound more sure

Buster: How long do I have to work on that?

Rio: 5, could be 10 if you don’t mind paying for the breather

Buster: I don’t mind paying for anything you need

Rio: Call it 10 then 🙃

Buster: Consider it done

Rio: Sorry I still look great

Buster: We both do, I’m not apologising

Rio: You should, it’s rude

Buster: You like surprises, you should be thanking me for not sending you any selfies

Rio: Nope, not going to

Buster: Not nice or polite of you

Rio: have to switch it up, you like it too much

Buster: Don’t you like knowing the exact effect you’re having?

Rio: Yes but

Buster: The answer’s yes, we don’t have to include the but

Rio: You didn’t have to ask a question you know the answer to, but you did

Buster: Knowing the answer isn’t the same as hearing it from you

Rio: Talk is just that, right

Rio: you don’t have to explain to me how interesting it can be

Buster: Right

Rio: can say whatever you want, it’s not as if I’m going to waste time thinking up a way to use it, if it was even possible not to incriminate myself at the same time

Buster: It isn’t who you are or someone I could turn you into

Rio: Just sounds boring, exhausting for all the wrong reasons

Buster: I couldn’t agree more

Rio: It’ll be something to cheers to

Buster: Everyone else in my daily life is boring, cheers

Rio: Slainte, to rub it in

Rio: A lot of people I know are shit too, just… less egregious

Buster: I’ll cheers to you, showing up

Rio: My time is up?

Rio: [voice note of asking this driver to turn around]

Buster: 🥺

Rio: I swear if you spoiler me right now I will turn right back

Buster: You can’t

Rio: [actually arrive and come through because no you can’t unless you’re literally not coming in and we’re not doing that so]

Buster: [this boy STARING at her with his jaw on the floor like he didn’t pick that outfit and know exactly what to expect]

Rio: [you really did that, and all this vibe, to yourselves and there’s no one else to blame honestly, but the staring is V mutual so excuse us, other people] 

Buster: [I love them I really do, it’s so fun and funny, I can’t wait for Christmas and the vibes it will bring, but for now, literally not breaking said STARE until he pulls her chair/bar stool out for her because v necessary + helping her up onto it if it tis a high one because she’s smol]

Rio: [y’all are going to die and it’s going to be everyone’s problem; but today we are mute because we dare not say a god damn thing as if the tension is still not extremely palpable like this]

Buster: [at least you don’t have to speak gal because he’s gonna order every drink and scrap of food for her as per without consulting her about any of it, thank god he’s not the sort of boy who’s passive aggressively ordering you a salad and is actually picking things you’ll want]

Rio: [the boy knows you and you’re about the vibe as a whole so we’re here 😍 can cheers you when these drinks arrive though, as you said you would]

Buster: [shamelessly will cheers to her like he said he would, less of a pisstake and more intense in this moment but we care not]

Rio: [smiling but shaking our head because it is way more intense and we don’t actually know what to do right now ‘tell me about [his match]’ because that’s the last thing you can actually recall either of you were doing before this blatant flirting]

Buster: [obvs give her all the deets because you would’ve slayed it, something is very very wrong if he doesn’t and soz Nancy but he doesn’t care that much about y’all’s party row we all been knew you’re a flop]

Rio: [just listening intently ‘cos we’re about it so love that for you boy and honestly it’d be a good way to get said party frustrations out]

Buster: [when it kills you a little bit that she is genuinely interested because who else is he getting that from in his life rn except baze, the answer is nobody, just giving her major heart eyes whenever he stops to take a drink or a breath]

Rio: [we are that hype woman always, don’t even need to try, just the vibe, tell him about the various things your siblings are doing that you’re also supportive of]

Buster: [love that you can talk about Ava because she doesn’t suck like your twin]

Rio: [thank god, and this chat somewhat working in the sense you didn’t jump him which was very much where we were, so we can take a big breath like it’s okay, SO under control here]

Buster: [We all know you wanna and would in a heartbeat but I respect how hard you’re both trying to kid yourselves rn and stick to it and that it’ll give you confidence to keep ordering cocktails like that’s not a dangerous game]

Rio: [when you realise you haven’t complimented what he’s wearing because you didn’t pick it and you were too busy staring and being stared at, so you take another sip of said cocktail and do an appreciative nod at him]

Buster: [his cocky af face though like I know + I told you because soz but he do always look great and I shall try and do a lewk on the polyvore-esque thing again even though I shall likely be cockblocked as hard as I was for the st paddy’s one and it’ll probs take me a decade, taking the shameless opportunity to check her out again as well of course, simply must]

Rio: [rolling our eyes at you as a means to look away eventually otherwise we won’t and we have to appreciate the vibe of this place as it was your suggestion]

Buster: [‘What do you think?’ of the signature cocktail and overall vibe because genuinely wanna know not just trying to brag again]

Rio: [we’re obviously about it because love the finer things in life ‘why’s it better than [wherever his friend was gonna take her] then?’]

Buster: [‘He’s not here’ jk but also true we weren’t happy about you going on a date with whichever friend that was, do actually also tell her why you genuinely think so though whether the vibe’s off or the drinks suck in comparison or the menu or whatever it is]

Rio: [do a little lol because okay ‘you should be glad’ like how serious can I be about my boyfriend if I date other boys when he’s not around, shrug ‘less pretentious, sounds like’ because we’re never about that]

Buster: [‘I can’t’ just openly admitting that because it’s true and as much as he just knows her bf sucks because they lowkey all do he also is too painfully aware of how much all his friends are flops and he honestly HATES the idea of her dating anyone lbr]

Rio: [nudging him with your foot like it’s okay because it’s a big ask, as well as a weird one but we’re not addressing that fact lol ‘I wasn’t in the mood to sleep with anyone’ that was clear but still spelling out that you didn’t last night]

Buster: [yes I am turning this into a lil footsie moment because I can and because we’re trying to be comforting and soz about how shit of a mood she was in and why without bringing it up again because he said he wouldn’t ‘Neither was I’ because I’m sure you would’ve but then Chlo and James appeared and that turned you off even before the Nancy and James cockblock happened]

Rio: [clinking your glasses in commiseration like poor us because you know you were both having legitimately bad times but you can only be so serious about it now after the fact and the footsie is distracting]

Buster: [‘A real waste of all that body paint’ because it would’ve taken him ages to apply and honestly a tragedy that nobody got covered in it in a saucy manner]

Rio: [doing a tut-sound ‘tell me about it’ like I know all about wasted outfits]

Buster: [just talking about all the outfits he didn’t pick for her like he’s so genuinely gutted she couldn’t wear them all because he is]

Rio: [‘she won’t invite me back if I keep using her account’ like there’ll be plenty of occasions I could be in London for but]

Buster: [‘she doesn’t have to, I’ll invite you’ so sincere and serious like idc go buy all those ootns rn]

Rio: [biting our lip to hush because obviously we wanna be like okay but also obviously that goes against the whole not ruining christmas vibe]

Buster: [‘we’re family too’ like nbd I can invite you if she can but the way he said the f word just being flirty and indecent on the low, we see you there, boy]

Rio: [the not at all casual shift we just did in this bar stool like excuse me ‘invite me then’ quietly but so seriously]

Buster: [‘invite me to your birthday’ the way he’s not at all casually saying don’t go away with your bf with that, as seriously]

Rio: [nodding, putting your hand out and holding his gaze like it can be a deal]

Buster: [the amount of eye contact and the way he’s touching her hand is absolutely unnecessary RIP]

Rio: [definitely on the edge of this barstool right now for attempting to be as close to you without making it beyond apparent and undeniable that that’s what we’re doing]

Buster: [I say for the love of god someone seat them at a table so they can get starters sent their way as if that will in any way calm y’all down lol]

Rio: [fr lmao ‘no bodypaint’ just admitting you don’t wanna see anyone else covered in that on your birthday]

Buster: [‘I promise’ nbd just promising you won’t get with any of her friends on her birthday, it’s fine it’s chill as is the way he’s gonna help her down on this seat when they gotta move cos the person has shown up to show them to this table, basically picking her up almost]

Rio: [you already know how we feel about that and how we don’t even fake mad about it is the least of the giveaways, accidentally making a noise at being picked up, soz to this waiter]

Buster: [continuing his totally unnecessary behaviour by leading her to said table by the wrist as if she’s gonna get lost otherwise, after his own lip bite in response to that involuntary noise escaping there, he knew what he was doing and yet was not ready for how that would sound and how he’d feel about it]

Rio: [getting yourself sat down with speed so this person isn’t lingering honestly because as much as this is just proving how being alone together is a terrible idea, we also don’t need this random seeing how blushy we are now]

Buster: [respectfully, please leave mr, I know you are only trying to do your job but you don’t want or need to see any of their antics ever]

Rio: [shamelessly doing the thing where your fingers hold onto his when he’s taking his hand away from your wrist, like you’re thinking about holding his hand but don’t fully commit to it]

Buster: [playing with her fingers in that absentminded kind of way except it isn’t at all because once again you know exactly what you’re doing hun and we all see you]

Rio: [the novelty of this lingering closeness is not lost on us because you’d have no call to act like this around the fam, even if it is relatively innocent, it would still be a bit odd, so we’re casually comparing how small our hands are in relation to his]

Buster: [try not to die at how adorably small her hand is the way you died when you gave her your jumper on st paddy’s, you brought this on yourself, boy, I have no sympathy, use the excuse that you simply must catch the eye of a waiter and order all this food, despite having not looked at the menu or asked her opinion]

Rio: [just here making no attempt to look, soz we’re already used to this life]

Buster: [and he knows what they both want, regardless of whether it’s on the menu tonight or not, he’s that bitch and he’ll make it happen sis + probably seductively eating an olive or whatever boujee shit they give you for free on this table just cos]

Rio: [‘you do that on purpose’ as if he can help being hot in any way really but we’re putting an olive in our own mouth and pouting]

Buster: [when her saying that reminds you again of the accidental noise she made before, as if you could forget truly ‘Yeah, but you can do as much by accident’ because it was the hottest thing]

Rio: [‘you did that too’ like would not have happened if you didn’t pick me up, boy]

Buster: [‘my fault’ but not at all like he’s soz and only like he’s proud to claim it because duh]

Rio: [smiling down into our lap ‘couldn’t be mine’ like far too good, of course]

Buster: [‘no, not a good girl like you’ because have to say it, always]

Rio: [the !! energy we’re LOOKING back up, have to take this plate of nibbles out of his reach because how else can we let you know that was rude]

Buster: [a little lol but he’s looking at her with the same !! energy]

Rio: [going to start a sentence several times but stopping yourself because whatever you’re going to say is going to be beyond transparent in this moment]

Buster: [STARING at her lips while she does, as blatantly and then wiping something off them with the fancy napkin that doesn’t exist because she’s literally only eaten an olive so]

Rio: [when he has such daddy energy and you’re literally left open-mouthed about it ‘why don’t we hang out more?’ blurted out betraying how uncasual that question is, despite the words used]

Buster: [‘Because if we did you’d become my favourite’ as uncasually, just going from one of his faves to ultimate fave so fast there]

Rio: [trying to pull a face like oh yes, that sounds terrible but also we do understand what you’re saying so nodding for the serious reply, as it were]

Buster: [I’m delivering these starters to y’all so he’ll shh for a sec and not say anything more extra]

Rio: [thank God for the distraction, though you probably feel too giddy to truly be hungry you have to try because all the things we could say]

Buster: [‘Do you like it?’ instead of all the other things he could say and a fair question because he did choose it especially for you]

Rio: [take a sec to fully taste and appreciate this before doing a big smile like yes because there’s no reason you should’ve missed boy and also 0 way she’s fussy she was raised by a Hippie so ‘you haven’t gone wrong yet’ with the why do you think I keep letting you make decisions? Unspoken but obvious]

Buster: [trying to do a cocky/smug smile in response but it’s more real than that because he’s genuinely glad + ordering some expensive wine y’all defs don’t need rn because gotta keep those decisions coming]

Rio: [me like you’re gonna be tipsy on this flight girl lol, obviously not a concern to you]

Buster: [soz not soz we live for danger as if you two being alone on a romantic date isn’t enough already, me just imagining it’s her bf who picks her up from the airport, hello sir]

Rio: [oh god, in one way, I hope not because duh but also if you just had to go home and be around your fam and not process any of this, also not the one so you can’t win, tbh; but we’re not in the the least thinking about any of that, just having a lovely time]

Buster: [if you can’t hook up with him while thinking about your hot cousin he might as well not exist haha, but for now, it goes without saying that said hot cousin is also letting her try whatever his food is because no chill ever]

Rio: [truly, we know you’re on the outs not long after her own 18th honey so take it whilst you can, sir; the shameless joy of being the cliche of leaning over so he can be fully checking you out, when you could just slide this plate over, no no]

Buster: [my boo says tick tock, because yeah time is running out for you hun, sorry bout it, those are the cliches we know and love, likewise playing with her hair/holding it back under the guise that we don’t wanna get food in it as we aeroplane this fork into her mouth in the sauciest way, just shameless hot moves]

Rio: [those involuntary noises are back because what else can you do but that and 🥺 when you’ve committed to not doing anything, just look like we’re really enjoying this food nbd]

Buster: [also shamelessly cleaning her up after the fact as if he’s spilled food down her cleavage, neck and over her entire mouth when he has done no such thing, because the noises were everything yet again and he wants more of them, this napkin doing the most and we’re only on the 1st course]

Rio: [when you’re leaning so far out of your own seat now you’re grazing being in his lap ‘Buster’ as if you’re chastising him for making such a mess and didn’t basically just moan his name a lil]

Buster: [Shoutout to his own napkin blatantly being in his lap and it’s not gonna stay there with all these movements and shenanigans occurring so you’ll have to get it for him and put it back when it inevitably falls off, gal, it’s the polite thing to do, we don’t make the rules, except I do and there’s no way he isn’t making an involuntary sound of his own for the first time thanks to the way she’s saying his name]

Rio: [got to remember your manners, even if bending down to the floor in front of him has you this close to forgetting them completely and you are not okay, properly smoothing this napkin back down instead of just throwing it at him as you should because, manners and terrible ideas]

Buster: [It’s beyond mutual at least and thank god because it couldn’t be more obvious]

Rio: [someone please bring some more wine over, the way we’ve glitched and otherwise are just going to go for it in a way you can’t take back]

Buster: [literally same, the way he’s moving in his seat rn because of this napkin moment, it’s so close to being a feral scene, busy restaurant or not]

Rio: [like I’m glad you bought this dress because we know what the situation is and there’s no returning that, just like there’s no tearing our eyes away from his lap, even as we force ourselves back into our own seat by the nature of the waiter coming over]

Buster: [Oh lads, you tried for all of a second, god bless, there’s no breathing normally rn soz to this poor man trying to pour wine or clear plates or whatever]

Rio: [y’all are being weird to a level I don’t think you even realise because a normal couple would just be hugging or holding hands or doing something to mitigate the energy somewhat]

Buster: [that’s the scalding hot tea of it]

Rio: [gonna send you to the bathroom somewhat abruptly before the main comes being the excuse blurted out for the rest of the room who might hear but really you just need to have some privacy]

Buster: [my boo says maybe you’ll calm down, but truly, you’ve both gotta, boy you can’t come back here after this weird vibe tonight and you don’t even know]

Rio: [I don’t hold much hope but you’ve tried]

Buster: [how close y’all just came to being utterly feral will probably stall you a bit like it did earlier, but for how long, who can say lol]

Rio: [we’re SHOOKETH but are we mad? We are not, not even a bit, in this bathroom WEAK but shooketh will buy enough time here lmao]

Buster: [I’ll make him go when she comes back to delay y’all having to interact for as long as poss, maybe then the food will arrive or be close to and you can just eat and hush]

Rio: [sit yourself back down and do a look like whoops, as if that was an accidental faux pas and not a whole thing lol]

Buster: [take your turn to go to the bathroom and calm down but he’s likewise unrepentant and smirking as he goes]

Rio: [going with the we’re amused by this vibe and not still shooketh AT ALL, mhmm]

Rio: He’s avoiding our table now ❌🍷

Buster: He won’t avoid me once I give him his tip early

Rio: That’s your answer for everything, yeah?

Buster: It’s my answer for pissed off drivers and waiters

Rio: Not not going to work, unfortunately

Buster: It always works

Rio: Yes, I can see how that’s positively reinforced your behaviour

Buster: I told you, I can find a solution for anything

Rio: We’ll see

Buster: [Come back and bribe this waiter into lowkey being y’all’s new bestie, soz sir]

Rio: [get some more wine because truly the only way to deal tonight with these feelings, shaking our head at you like we don’t approve but we’re not being serious with our unamusement]

Buster: [It’s too real, soz you’re gonna be drunk af on the plane but it’s better than being too sober for this rn, clink glasses when he goes away like that’s your only problem solved now lads]

Rio: [as if this man was the problem in any way lmao ‘you take the piss’ in such an endeared way]

Buster: [‘your whole night would’ve been ruined if they asked us to leave before you had a chance to try what I’ve chosen for you for dessert’ again so unrepentant, just like we had a problem and I did what a had to do to sort it nbd and not soz]

Rio: [‘they wouldn’t be asking us to leave if you could behave’ with a laugh but we can’t resist sneaking a LOOK in there before focusing back on our drink and finishing off this food so said dessert can be got to]

Buster: [LOOKING back at her as always, his is not at all sneaky though because can’t and won’t focus on anything else, soz to his dessert that he doesn’t care about lol ‘I did something else you’re going to tell me I shouldn’t have’ in a oh you spoilsport kind of tone like she’s so mad he’s on his worst behaviour]

Rio: [when you’re vaguely trying not to end up in the exact same situation again immediately but your resolve is so weak lmao, sat here 😳 at his attention ‘go on’ keeping with the air we’re not impressed with a cold tone that’s so un-us it’s obviously a joke anyway]

Buster: [‘I couldn’t resist getting you an early birthday present’ because my vibe is that he’s bought her all the other outfits she didn’t wear tonight and they are gonna just show up to her house in a few days not at all casually, excuse us everyone]

Rio: [‘what?’ but in an excited way undeniably ‘what did you do that for?’ giving his arm a little smack] 

Buster: [‘I haven’t bought you one before’ as if it’s just nbd that they’ve got all this time to make up for and not a feelsy first at all or a giant surprise that’s gonna have everyone wondering where the hell she got all these expensive outfits from when they arrive]

Rio: [‘just don’t buy me one on my actual birthday’ like then we’ll be even because she did get him something, won’t/can’t specify right now but you said you would when you were out boujee shopping so it’s definitely a thing ‘it’s a surprise’ more of a statement because you’ve confirmed that we like them already in this convo so we know you aren’t telling us until we receive ‘em]

Buster: [‘No promises’ because he is defs gonna also buy her something for her actual birthday and we all know it, obvs a nod about the surprise regardless of the fact it wasn’t actually a question as he sips his wine as if that’s the only thing stopping him from giving it away despite the fact he’s clearly excellent at keeping secrets]

Rio: [when you can’t even fake a proper level of outrage at his refusal to play by the rules because you don’t just want presents, you want him to want to buy you presents, so you sip your own wine so you aren’t just 😍 at him non-stop]

Buster: [leaning forward slightly not in her fully out of her seat way earlier but enough to make a point of it and make the eye contact even more !! ‘Don’t be mad at me’ as if she remotely is or could be rn ‘I didn’t end up ordering a pair of skis’ because that joke just be running and running]

Rio: [opening your mouth to reply to his first sentence but being unable to until the ski banter anyway ‘well now I’m furious’ with a smirk like you’re so gutted not to get your apres-ski on]

Buster: [‘furious suits you’ just telling her she looks amazing rn in the most chill way possible because the heart eyes/LOOK is extra enough, thank you]

Rio: [tilting your head to look up at him like you’re really regarding him for the first time and not just continuing to LOOK at him ‘nice suits you’ straightening the collar on whatever he may be wearing, getting close enough to do so without fully getting up again yourself]

Buster: [‘I’m not nice’ as he in turn sorts out whatever necklace she’s wearing whether we’re pretending it’s tangled or the pendant bit has flipped over or whatever the case may be]

Rio: [stopping breathing in a noticeable given the closeness rn way ‘you are to me’ quietly, because again, you don’t need to be loud atm]

Buster: [‘I want it to be memorable for you’ not elaborating if we mean your bday or every day until then because it’s when you’ll see each other again if he is invited or tonight or all of the above ‘that’s all’ like you just said something v casual and not what you did]

Rio: [Obviously thinking about all of those possibilities and more right now ‘that’s all…’ almost like a question but not quite, pointing out how actual not casual that is to us ‘I hope you had an okay day today’ because you have basically spent the whole day together and on a date and you’d like him to remember his 18th as not entirely shit too, obviously ‘I should’ve-’ cutting yourself off and shaking your head, leaning back]

Buster: [doing an exhale in contrast to her not breathing before because we know how not casual that sounded but we’re still not soz and never shall be ‘okay isn’t the word’ because truly, what a wild day y’all have had, leaning back himself when she does, looking at her in that way you do when you’re waiting to see if someone is gonna finish their sentence/say any more]

Rio: [crossing and uncrossing your arms in front of you on the table, doing a half shrug ‘I could’ve-’ the could being a correction to the should because ‘- done more to make it more memorable’ point being we agreed we should not but still, looking at you like could’ve, would’ve]

Buster: [‘No, it was out of your control, last night being already memorable for the wrong reasons’ because they’ve also agreed they weren’t in the mood so him finally telling her what happened so matter of factly, the way he walked in on Nancy and James and the state of him in no uncertain terms and how disgusted he is by that, as well as James’ relationship + dad status, some of which she probably knows from the goss and the fact she was also at the party but we’re just getting it all out there, well, except the Chlo of it because not ready to go there obvs]

Rio: [listen to this all in horror honestly because yikes on every count of this mess of a situation ‘that’s fucked up, really fucked up’ because truly what else can we say ‘maybe she was so trashed she didn’t realise how far gone he was?’ like an attempt to not make Nancy a total bitch here but we don’t sound totally convinced ourself] 

Buster: [shaking his head because he and everyone else, Nancy included know the state James always gets himself into in this era but we don’t need to get into that fully rn and out him as a huge mess, especially when it’s clear that Rio didn’t even believe it herself as she was saying it]

Rio: [such a sad face honestly because we know you’re a flop but the levels, Nancy, we’re not about it and we know there isn’t much that can be done by us or by Buster because you just need to sort yourself out bitch ‘why would he still be with her?’ because that makes no sense]

Buster: [He’s as sad and that’s blatant even though he isn’t showing it as openly, we all are, baze would be so disappointed in you if they knew about this Nancy, it’s despicable behaviour truly ‘It isn’t like there’s just one reason he does anything’ because James isn’t as black and white as Buster, that poor sweet and honourable boy]

Rio: [mm in response because no, things are clearly not that simple and now we’re just thinking about this mess and similar situations in your own family with all the varied baby daddy drama Alison got herself into ‘it’s shit, watching people do things and be in situations that are bad for them, because you can’t do anything about it’ a meaningful glance at him because we know you especially hate not having solutions and answers and we are similar when it comes to helping the people we love]

Buster: [‘I wasn’t going to tell you’ as close to a sorry as we’re going to get but also he genuinely planned to not for a million reasons including not wanting to bring the vibe down or give her any more to be worrying about when she already has this Liam and Edie situation on her mind]

Rio: [shake your head like no, no ‘I’m glad you did, please don’t worry about me’ like this is not about me remotely ‘space is probably the best thing you can give her’ like it’s definitely a longshot but maybe Nancy will bring herself to care if you’re icing her out]

Buster: [looking at her as meaningfully as she did to him a second ago because he does worry about her and what she said about how shit it is to have to watch helplessly is too legit for the vibe of Rio having all these flop bfs and there being nothing he can do about it even though she deserves way better and he’d literally want to say as much, to say ALL this but cannot]

Rio: [reaching out and fully holding his hand on this tabletop, giving it a squeeze]

Buster: [‘Maybe I should say something, what she probably needs the most is some professional help’ lol just being like a bitch needs therapy because lbr you do gal what’s your damage]

Rio: [do a little ha but not because you think this is hilarious, obviously, more like yeah but ‘a lot of people treat therapy like their own personal chat show if they don’t want to get better and the shrink isn’t good enough to get them there in the first place’ like she’d just be bragging about her exploits if she doesn’t think she needs help, because so real ‘your parents might be able to do something’ like you could tell them though]

Buster: [making a face because it’s too real and he can imagine that playing out so vividly, likewise he can picture the scene of baze as helpless as he is because she is a flop and there isn’t much they can really do either rn, it’s her shit to sort and we all know she isn’t gonna]

Rio: [a sigh because we know what you’re thinking and yeah, nothing about this situation is easily fixable for anyone, baze included ‘just be thankful you only have the two’ joking but also all the siblings we have is no joke]

Buster: [‘I’m thankful one of them is Ava’ because if she was a flop too he would not cope, lord imagine, downing however much wine he has left because ugh take us back to when the vibe was saucy antics, not this]

Rio: [‘cute’ but sincerely, letting go of your hand so you can drink your drink and do what you gotta do ‘she’ll have to change, act like that too long and you’ll find yourself with no friends fast’ because true, people don’t appreciate you being a mess and a devious cow to boot ‘being kicked out of the in-crowd is the best incentive for a girl like Nance’]

Buster: [‘She doesn’t have friends, her bar tab does’ because there isn’t a person she’s hanging around that isn’t using her for some reason and he’s all too aware of it because all his friends are fake too ‘and the in-crowd are all as bad as each other, I would know’ shoutout to when he said he’s not nice, he’s done some shady shit too, we can’t pretend otherwise]

Rio: [just looking at him for a while ‘we’ve all done things we’re not proud of’ like no one is a saint and certainly no teenager ‘but you grow up or get left behind, right?’ like at some point, probably not for a while yet because people seem to like staying messy into their late 20s if they can, you’ll all be bored and hate each other and drift apart, none of it’s gonna last]

Buster: [‘But who the fuck will she be by that point?’ Oh honey, if only you knew the big storm that’s coming, she’s 44 in gen 4 and still acting like this and dragging your daughter into her mess, I’m so soz]

Rio: [take your own big sip of wine because I know and I’m sorry ‘I don’t know, Buster’ with a sigh because honestly, what a mess]

Buster: [pushing his empty wine glass away angrily because we hate this and we hate this is the turn this evening has taken when we promised to distract her from all the bad shit occurring]

Rio: [leaving him the time and space to deal because we’ve clearly had some boyfriends where that was the best approach but also we don’t even know what to say or do for the best ourself here]

Buster: [picking up her hand again and doing the thumb over her wrist rub that he did way earlier in the cafe I think because not trying to waste his time and life being angry over Nancy, hard as it is to not be when he’s the kind of person he is]

Rio: [look back up at him and half smile, tracing your own fingers up his arm gently ‘it will sound sort of fucked up…’ starting like but bear with me ‘but I think you have to try and enjoy yourself, regardless of other people’s bad shit, or you never will’]

Buster: [‘It doesn’t, if you don’t you get dragged down by it’ the way he’s so clearly thinking about the baze and Ro situation as he says that because there was nothing they could do there, try as they might ‘I stopped her, that’s all I could do, there’s nothing else right now’ like yeah we’ve gotta draw a line under it for now]

Rio: [nod because yes, exactly ‘no use to anyone if you’re not sorted and content with your own shit’ still just stroking his arm casually ‘you did what you could’ reassurance because it’s true and there’s no need to beat yourself up on it like there’s more that you could’ve or could now]

Buster: [doing his own half smile as he nods too because this is the most you’ve talked to each other probably ever and it would be incredible to realise how much she gets him and how much they have in common when it would’ve seemed in the past like they were so different]

Rio: [it would be lowkey wild in a way we’re not even fully appreciating whilst still in the moment, resting our head on our shoulder for a sec when you smile because it’s too cute and we’re now overwhelmed in a different way]

Buster: [‘I’m glad it took Nance this long to burn the bridges’ just saying we’re glad you’re here because yeah she’s a flop and you could have so easily not been invited/attended]

Rio: [‘she’ll always need someone to amuse her when you’re in Dublin’ because we’re not under much illusion she likes us any more than that because like he said, that’s how her friendships work ‘invite me to your next birthday?’ like whatever you do, because it’s not going to be a shared party, clearly]

Buster: [‘I can’t blame her for that, you are very amusing’ the way he’s saying amusing like it could and should be a different word entirely, again we see you sir ‘and there’s nobody else I’d rather turn 19 with’ could be jokey but it’s so sincere, you just already are his fave and we all know]

Rio: [raising a brow like oh, am I? ‘Should I be offended?’ you know damn well he only meant that in the most complimentary terms but who can resist a flirt when presented to them, not y’all; have to do the biggest smile at that though, shamelessly]

Buster: [Answering the eyebrow raise as if she asked the actual q oh am I and answering in the sauciest way possible by saying ‘Yeah, I really want to play with you’ boy stop it but don’t ever ‘Well, are you offended?’ when you know damn well she is not]

Rio: [‘We used to play together’ so casually as if that’s how he meant it and how you mean the implication of we can play together still, shaking your head slowly in response to the question that didn’t even need to be asked]

Buster: [starting a more intense game of footsie than the previous in response, simply must]

Rio: [excuse us whilst we fully commit to that because the energy that is not being expressed rn is killing you]

Buster: [likewise and adding ‘I wish we’d played together more’ with all the feeling here]

Rio: [the ‘me too’ sounding seriously indecent because we cannot help it ‘it’s more fun when it’s just us two’ like grateful no other siblings are here right now though]

Buster: [‘I’ll invite only you’ meaning for his 19th obvs, love that we’re shamelessly declaring this right here and right now]

Rio: [‘promise?’ just moving your foot a little further up his leg]

Buster: [‘You’ll see’ because could not mean this more and knowing him he’s probably already planning shit in his head, or at least trying to because she is being v distracting]

Rio: [almost immediately drop your foot right back to the ground like that was your evil plan and now you’ve got what you want… but it’s really just to stop yourself going too far]

Buster: [go along with that by asking her if there’s anything else she wants in terms of this meal as if he’s but a minion and she’s the evil genius mastermind but it’s really because lord knows what else you might say or do otherwise]

Rio: [‘I was promised a really amazing dessert’ because better make that happen, getting up as we say this to go to the bathroom again because realistically you would need to with the drink consumed but also it’s how you stop yourself so, walk past and do the thing where you drag your fingers from one shoulder to another as you do ‘have it waiting for me by the time I’ve freshened up’]

Buster: [I’m cackling imagining how boujee this dessert will be first of all and second of all the absolute song and dance he will make this waiter do to bring it to her as if it’s yet again her birthday instead of having just been his]

Rio: [we love to see it, gotta finish this meal with some flair]

Buster: [you’re both gonna be so gutted when it’s over and the mems are gonna have to keep you going for a while so it has to be done]

Rio: [mhmm, it’s the mood and we gotta, especially ‘cos we really don’t wanna go home now but it’s not as if you can just find an excuse to stay]

Buster: [you’ve both got school if nothing else, don’t ask me how we’re gonna cockblock y’all from hooking up on this drive to the airport though because god only knows]

Rio: [good luck to us lmao]

Buster: [unless it’s half term in which case you don’t lol I can’t remember when they are now that I’m not in school, ps Winnie is evil laughing about the creative corners we paint ourselves into]

Rio: [I do genuinely think there is one around Halloween, ‘cos I always remember that you did around 7 weeks of school before having one because I used to be counting down lol but that’s beside the point, Winnie is a monster boy]

Buster: [you’re not staying anyway hun regardless of if there is or there isn’t, come and eat your dramatic af dessert and consider yourself lucky]

Rio: [sassed and frassed but in a nutshell, so do come back to be shooketh by this dramatic display]

Buster: [I can’t be cockblocking y’all for days and days that’d be impossible and ridiculous, let’s all just enjoy this moment and how proud he is of himself that he keeps managing to be more and more extra, though I dread to think of the money he has spent today, buying all those outfits alone would have cost a fortune, calm down sir]

Rio: [truly soz to your wallet but we aren’t soz because we’ve loved it all and will love all those outfits when we receive them back home, for now try not to be too indecent about how delicious this dessert is but you gotta let it be known]

Buster: [he’s gotta steal some of it in a flirty manner whether that’s by sticking his finger in it or stealing the spoon or literally stealing some from the corner of her mouth, take your pick of the saucy cliche tbh, any are possible]

Rio: [any way we’re 😍 and will not be soz or subtle about it ‘good?’]

Buster: [‘delicious’ not soz or subtle either ever]

Rio: [look away and be blushy about it]

Buster: [drink your fancy coffee you don’t need remotely at whatever o clock this is and after all your other drinks but you’ve ordered instead of dessert because lowkey every boy I know except my father doesn’t like sweet things and that feels like your vibe]

Rio: [I see it, it’s very manly, as if wanting to eat a sweet treat is so girly but you know, toxic masculinity etc ‘I’ll let you know, about my party’ blurting this out but you’re clearly just thinking how you have no reason to talk to him, never mind see him, until then]

Buster: [‘Good’ because he v much wants to talk to and see her before then obvs but yeah realistically can’t and also he doesn’t want her to get talked into going away with her bf which he’s aware could still very much happen despite what’s been said because real life]

Rio: [smile like okay, good, because soon you’re going to have to get up and go and you don’t want to and that makes a goodbye more awkward than it already is when there’s this whole vibe we’re not really addressing ‘so don’t leave me on read, like’]

Buster: [‘I won’t’ this just sounding like he said I can’t because that’s the tea and he literally never would have even if y’all were in a pretending to hate each other phase, always gotta get the last word in that argument]

Rio: [‘do you want me to tell you, about the Liam thing?’ quieter, like do you want those updates or do you wanna forget I ever had that meltdown]

Buster: [‘You can talk to me about anything, you know that’ because the sincerity is too real]

Rio: [just nod so you don’t say anything too emotional and give yourself away entirely ‘you too’ nudging him with your foot again like I’m sure you won’t but you know you can]

Buster: [smile at her because he does know that even if he is less likely to take her up on it ‘I appreciate it, even when I act like I don’t’ he’s self aware at least lol]

Rio: [make a noise that’s the equivalent of yeah, I know ‘won’t ask for it in writing’ like it’s okay, you can pretend to be a prick all you need]

Buster: [writing it on his napkin like a massive nerd and going to give it to her before snatching it away again like oh yeah you said you didn’t want it, my bad, excuse me while I just die because it says ‘I appreciate you, always’ in his beautiful posh boy handwriting]

Rio: [reaching up like um no, give me that now with a grumpy lil face]

Buster: [when that height difference makes it too easy to hold this napkin out of her reach, he wouldn’t even have to try ‘ask for it’ because we know that’s all she ever has to do]

Rio: [‘Please give it to me, Buster’ without any hesitation or shame ‘I really want it’]

Buster: [do give it to her even though you’ve gotta in a deliberately slow manner to do the most despite the fact you’re barely touching]

Rio: [pouting and doing gimme hands the whole time but then when you can actually read it you’re genuinely emotional about it, put this napkin in your handbag like I will be keeping that]

Buster: [gotta keep that forever for when you’re an old married couple, not soz]

Rio: [100%; when you’re in your handbag, look at your phone for the first time because you don’t have infinite time and you have to go sooner than you would like]

Buster: [you probs also have messages from your bf if he’s the one who’s gonna pick her up because he’d wanna make sure you’re defs getting on that flight, ew, meanwhile check your watch you’re gonna give her in the future, boy and say which flight it is more like a statement than a question because you’ve worked it out, I’m sure, I doubt there’s a million to choose from]

Rio: [the casual way we aren’t responding to any messages because I’m sure even Nancy, flop that she is, is like where you at, etc, even if that’s just ‘cos she thinks you’re hooking up with one of the lads and she wants the goss like a nosy cow, put this phone back and nod ‘you probably shouldn’t come to the airport’]

Buster: [mhmm she’ll think you’re with the friend she’s supposed to be on a date with rn because he isn’t gonna tell the truth that he got ditched when he can lie and then brag about whatever he wants to say happened ‘I want to though’ because he do]

Rio: [smile and bite the corner of your mouth ‘there’s alone and then there’s alone’ just fully admitting we don’t trust ourself to be in a car with you and one other person, like full transparency]

Buster: [‘okay’ because he knows full well what could and would happen and he’s not gonna insist upon it if she’s like no no]

Rio: [‘I want you to too but-’ shrugging like well, we’ve been over it, why it’s not a good idea, why we can’t, but couldn’t just have you thinking we are not down, of course]

Buster: [‘I know’ because again, he do, we’re on the same page here about all of it]

Rio: [being 😒 on the low before putting your head in your hands like ugh, get a grip because can’t be overstated how strange this all is by the sheer fact it doesn’t feel it and it REALLY should ‘thank God everyone gets pissed at the airport’ as if we can blame even half this vibe on being tipsy]

Buster: [this boy pouring her a glass of water from the boujee bottle/jug that they always leave on the table and y’all have not touched til now as if yeah this will all be solved by sobering up slightly but we all know he’s 1. Just delaying the inevitable goodbye for a bit longer and 2. Using it as an excuse to pass it to her so lovingly, complete with the whole gently cupping her face and lifting her head back up move and everything]

Rio: [looking up at you with a combination of heart eyes and 😖 because now all we wanna do is kiss you and stay and all these things that are still off the table but take a sip of this water so the ‘thanks’ is a little less hoarse even if the !! won’t fully leave your tone]

Buster: [taking the glass from her and taking his own sip because you can’t kiss rn but your lips can touch via said glass and that’s something + the only thing he can do to stop himself fully being like fuck it at this moment]

Rio: [we can stare at your lips for a shameless amount of time, we’re not opposed, at this point, you both know what you’re saying, even if it’s not happened/happening by your current reckoning ‘do you think-’ shaking your head like no, that’s not fair to ask ‘it would ruin everything, yeah?’ ‘cos we still can’t make it a statement even though we know/think we should, we don’t want to be that definitive about it in this moment when we want it so bad]

Buster: [‘You don’t want to hear what I’m thinking’ blurted out because of how bad he wants this rn]

Rio: [‘I do, that’s the problem’ shaking our head like for fuck’s sake]

Buster: [‘We can’t’ after the most agonising pause during which he could and wanted to say a million other things but I’m going with this purely for the contrast to when they get to say we can on st paddys]

Rio: [‘yeah’ after almost as long a pause because it goes against everything you personally want and feel in this moment but it’s also, essentially, true, coming at it from basically the world’s POV, so you can’t disagree ‘I should go’]

Buster: [‘You have to go’ because she very much shouldn’t in his opinion atm but it doesn’t change the fact she has got a flight to catch and a life to go back to]

Rio: [get yourself as collected as is possible in this state that is so not about the alcohol even slightly, stand yourself up like okay then because you don’t even know what to say for a goodbye]

Buster: [‘I’ll see you soon’ because that’s something else he says in the st paddy’s convo and I can’t resist for how heartbreakingly different it is here]

Rio: [‘see you soon’ in a tone like you can’t believe you’re even saying that because of how much it does not convey or feel appropriate but it’s all you got]

Buster: [take her wrist for the final time but instead of pulling her into him like he clearly wants to, leading her towards the exit with it where this car is probably already waiting or literally about to pull up because like I’ve said he’s that organised bitch]

Rio: [awkward when you are going to think he’s going for a hug because that’s generally the kind of bitch you are, even if it wasn’t desperately what you wanted in this particular instance, no playing that off so thank god the car is there so you don’t have to run away and hide]

Buster: [I’m soz that he’s not a hugger because that makes me wanna die, I would simply pass away, get in that car gal so he can dramatically stand there long after it has gone]

Rio: [lbr, you said and did more incriminating things if he really wanted to go back to the we hate and mock each other vibe, so bigger things to agonize over but go do that in this car and hope the driver isn’t a chatty one because not right now honey]

Buster: [ugh I’m so soz we’re evil, speaking of, Winnie says she should have to go away with her bf for her bday because it’s the easiest and realistic way to cockblock and then he can be salty about it when they see each other at christmas, at least initially, you obvs can’t stay mad at her]

Rio: [yeah that was my thought exactly because realistically this man has a job and has probably booked the time off and planned it already, you really couldn’t be like oh no thank you, unless you were fully wanting to have a break-up on your birthday and who wants that aggro when it’s already not what you actually wanna do so you’re not living, shitty 18ths for you both, soz]

Buster: [it’s really unfair of us but it’s so legit, it’s up to you if she wants to say anything to him about the Liam and Edie situation when she’s back any time between now and her bday/xmas or if she’s going with not dealing and thus not talking about it]

Rio: [right, so she’s probably not telling Edie and thus not telling you because we only would if we had done it because we know you won’t be happy if we’re like no, decided not to, bye]

Buster: [That tracks, so he’s just here waiting to hear about that and birthday deets that never come, sad times, but he still will send her a bday gift once he realises he isn’t gonna see her in person because that bitch, I’m pondering because I’d like it to actually be something ski related for the bants, but it’s still gotta be something she actually wants, unless he fully goes for buying her a lil skiing holiday mini break]

Rio: [Honestly hate it, like I could do a little message being like no, definitely going away, because you probably would even though you know that’s not going to be met with anything great, because not trying to fully give into the dig he made about real life and it being like the other doesn’t exist because don’t stan that; it would be funny if you outdid her boyfriend and also another reason for him to be fuming ‘cos he’s going to think that’s a sugar daddy thing and you’ve got to break up, I think I said after Xmas in the St Paddys convo? But you could’ve just been with your own fams not wanting to deal with the fact you’re over on the actual day ‘cos depressing]

Buster: [Exactly my thinking, I absolutely would love for him to effortlessly outdo her bf like that and it does lend itself well to what you said was the vibe of their break up]

Rio: [‘cos he clearly is like pictures of yourself in lingerie is fine but if you’re trying to do ANY more than that, I’m not having it, and we are so, the look of you being bought a holiday is really not gonna go down well lmao; shall I do the bday message in this convo or start the Xmas of it with that?]

Buster: [yeah, and it’s not like she can tell him her cousin bought her the holiday because not trying to get into that lol, hmmm we should probably do it at the start of the xmas one as her bday is closer to then and I’m sure she’s leaving it as late as she can to tell him without it being so last minute it’s rude]

Rio: [mhmm honey, okay, lemme post this and then we getting festive, only a month later than we wanted hehe]

[thewistfulwordwitch]

#fridaythe13th #oracle #reading (Musical accompaniment: #Heal by @thesweeplings) I can't NOT do a reading on Friday the 13th! And I'm so happy I did because tonight's cards really left me with a sense of peace and comfort. The #Comforted card jumped right out of my hands while I was shuffling the deck to land face up on my scarf. The cards in this deck tend to do that! It's not the first time I've had cards literally jump out at me. The companion book said that this card shows up when a spirit of someone you've lost is trying to reach out and comfort you, let you know they're proud of the growth you've undergone. And to let you know you can stop grieving their loss, and start honoring them by truly living your life fully. I feel like that spirit I've lost is me - at least the previous version of me, and my inner child. I've spent the last year or two mourning the person I was before that particular cataclysmic event changed me forever. Letting go (theme of a previous reading!) of who I was has been hard, but also liberatory. I'm becoming comfortable with this new iteration of me, I'm healing (like tonight's song said!). I haven't really lost these pieces of me either - they shaped who I am and will always be with me. As for the aspect of #death brought up in the last prompt, I've long felt that our being follows the #firstlawofthermodynamics: #energy can neither be #created nor #destroyed. We are beings of energy - it's literally what keeps our cells alive, what pulses through our brains and our blood. So when the cellular structure containing our energy degrades and dies, our energy merely transforms, meshing into the rest of the #universe, maintaining the #balance. But we'll always be here in some form, always a part of those we love, of the earth that sustained us, of the universe that made us. Like Carl Sagan said, "We're made of #starstuff". 🖤 #oraclecards #oraclereading #TheEmbroideredGraveyard https://www.instagram.com/p/CnX3aZ-rYbo/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=