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#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing
ichigosoju
·
4 months
Text
🍓
#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?
#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that
#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'
#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me
#all of my disorders saying that haha
#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to
#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply
#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji
#im aware that i sound crazy
#this is just how im FEELING
#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense
#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw
#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up
#no wonder he cant be in love with me
#im pathetic and stupid
#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool
#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an
#am*
#god... genuinely hate myself
#why dont i know how to shut up??
#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing
#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji
#is that too much to ask for......
#i mean listen in any relationship
#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed
#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever
#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol
#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything
#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him
#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
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