#having An Opinion is step one. the knowledge gained about topics should lead to the formation of An Opinion

[uncanny-tranny]

A vital part of political knowledge (and knowledge in general) is knowing when to say, "I'm not educated enough to make a statement about this topic."

It's okay if you don't know every little detail of every single issue at hand. But it won't help if you refuse to acknowledge where you lack information, where your blindspots are, and what you just don't understand. It's okay to not have an answer.

[akexplorer]

5 Steps to Research: How to Conduct Research and the importance of research

An individual conducts research to gather reliable information on a particular topic with the aim of answering a question, forming an opinion, or making a decision. Secondary research and primary research are often separated by academics.

It is possible to conduct research using a number of different methods, including internet research, scientific research, local library research, and interview research.

Importance of research

1. By doing research, you can expand your knowledge base and gain a deeper understanding of the world around you. Whenever you learn about a specific topic, you become better at it. Through it, you gain valuable insights into any given topic and gain personal experience with it. 2. Life is transformed by research. Getting to know the world and improving the quality of your life are two of its benefits of it. 3. Technology advancements have been introduced to the world around us as a result of research. Developing new machines helps diagnose diseases and develop new treatments in the healthcare sector. 4. You can learn about your competitors' marketing strategies by researching them. You can use it to curate your audience's exposure and brainstorm new ideas. 5. Besides discovering new facts, research also leads to the generation of interesting ideas. It will help you come up with new ideas and boost your credibility, originality, and imagination.

The research process consists of a number of closely related tasks that need to be completed by the researcher. Patients are necessary for the research process. Your research is not measured in any way to show whether it is the best. In other words, it's an art rather than a science. The steps in the social or business research process are as follows:

Here are the 5 steps to research.

1. Determining the issue

To begin the research process, one must have a question. Typically, academic research questions address a broader conversation within the field. Researchers should consider the purpose of the study, relevant background information, what information is needed, and how it will be used in the decision-making process when defining the issues or problems.

[MORE]

[freenewsreport]

Write for Us: How Contributing to Fashion Blogs Can Boost Your Career

Fashion writing is an exciting, ever-evolving field where creativity meets insight. If you're passionate about style, trends, and the fashion industry, then you know there’s always more to explore and express. For aspiring writers and seasoned professionals alike, contributing to fashion blogs is an incredible way to enhance your career. And if you’re interested in this path, our "write for us fashion" program can be a perfect platform for growth and visibility.

In this article, we'll explore the benefits of writing for fashion blogs, how it can help you build credibility and grow your network, and why you should consider jumping in with both feet.

Why Write for Us in Fashion?

The “write for us fashion” niche is a dynamic one, attracting writers, influencers, stylists, and fashion experts from all over the world. Contributing to fashion blogs enables you to connect with a global audience that’s passionate about the latest trends, ethical fashion choices, seasonal styles, and more. But beyond merely having a platform to share your thoughts, writing for us provides a career boost in multiple ways.

Whether you’re aiming to establish yourself as an authority, expand your portfolio, or gain more writing experience, contributing to fashion blogs can be a stepping stone to bigger opportunities. Let’s break down how it can benefit your career.

1. Build Your Portfolio with High-Quality Content

A well-rounded portfolio is essential for anyone aiming to make a name in fashion writing. When you participate in "write for us fashion" initiatives, you’re given the opportunity to create and showcase high-quality content in a real-world setting. Many prospective employers and clients value candidates with a demonstrated history of published work, so each blog post adds to your credibility.

Publishing on respected fashion blogs, or even smaller but popular niche blogs, shows that you can create content that appeals to audiences and adheres to the editorial standards of established sites. When you’re ready to seek out new writing jobs, freelance opportunities, or in-house fashion writing roles, a robust portfolio can be your ticket to standing out.

2. Establish Yourself as a Fashion Authority

For those looking to gain recognition, a “write for us fashion” role is the perfect way to build authority. Writing about fashion trends, industry insights, and expert opinions positions you as someone knowledgeable in the field. Over time, readers, editors, and other industry professionals will come to recognize you as an authority on the topics you cover.

Imagine contributing articles on sustainable fashion or emerging runway trends and becoming a go-to source for readers interested in those areas. This level of credibility can open doors for collaborations, interviews, and even invitations to exclusive industry events.

3. Expand Your Professional Network

Contributing to a “write for us fashion” platform also allows you to connect with other writers, influencers, and professionals in the fashion industry. Networking is invaluable in fashion; who you know can sometimes make all the difference. When you write for fashion blogs, you’re not only building an audience but also connecting with editors, other contributors, and readers who share your passion.

Additionally, many fashion blogs have social media channels where your content may be shared, amplifying your reach. Engaging with followers, editors, and other writers on social media can help you build lasting professional relationships that could lead to collaborations, job offers, or mentorship opportunities.

4. Improve Your Writing Skills in a Real-World Setting

While writing practice is essential, there’s no substitute for creating content that reaches a real audience. Participating in “write for us fashion” programs pushes you to refine your skills, learn industry standards, and write on topics that engage readers. Working with an editor also provides valuable feedback, helping you to hone your style, improve structure, and produce polished, professional-level work.

Fashion writing requires more than just knowledge of trends; it involves storytelling, accuracy, and a keen understanding of the audience. With each blog post, you’ll get better at crafting narratives that are informative, compelling, and suited to the platform's voice and goals.

5. Gain Valuable Exposure in the Fashion Community

Visibility is key in the fashion industry. Writing for established fashion blogs means your work is reaching an audience of fashion enthusiasts, potential employers, and collaborators. Exposure from a “write for us fashion” program can increase your online presence and establish you as a recognizable name among readers.

When readers engage with your content—whether through comments, shares, or follows—they’re actively contributing to your reputation and reach. As you gain a following, you’ll see increased traffic to your own blog, social media profiles, or portfolio, all of which can lead to further opportunities down the line.

6. Create Opportunities for Freelance and Full-Time Work

Whether you’re interested in freelance writing or a full-time position in fashion media, contributing to a fashion blog is an effective way to get noticed. Many fashion editors, recruiters, and agencies regularly scout popular blogs for fresh voices and emerging talent. A “write for us fashion” position can be your first step toward being hired for freelance assignments, brand collaborations, or even full-time jobs within the fashion industry.

Many successful fashion writers and editors began as contributors or guest bloggers, leveraging their published work to land bigger opportunities. Writing for established fashion blogs increases the chances of being discovered and invited for more lucrative writing gigs or editorial roles.

7. Refine Your Personal Brand and Niche

One unique advantage of writing for fashion blogs is the opportunity to explore and refine your personal brand. Some writers excel in street style, others in high-end fashion, while others focus on sustainable fashion or cultural fashion commentary. Through a “write for us fashion” initiative, you can discover your niche and start building your personal brand around it.

Developing a specific area of expertise helps you attract readers who are passionate about the same topics, while also positioning you as an expert in that niche. This focused branding can lead to higher engagement and more opportunities that align with your interests and values.

Conclusion: Start Your Fashion Writing Journey Today

Contributing to a fashion blog through a “write for us fashion” program is more than just adding to your portfolio. It’s a career-boosting opportunity that can help you grow as a writer, build a professional network, increase your visibility, and even open doors to new job opportunities. If you’re serious about fashion writing, start submitting pitches or reaching out to fashion blogs that align with your vision.

Becoming a contributor allows you to share your voice with a wider audience, refine your skills, and develop a strong personal brand. So, if you’re passionate about style, trends, and storytelling, don't hesitate—reach out, write for us, and watch your fashion writing career take off.

[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

I disagree.

I personally think it's great when the uneducated voice their dumb dumb little dumb opinion on things. It's funny sometimes, but also opens up the chance for them to be corrected, for someone to come in and bring new information to their table and share knowledge, it opens up the chance to learn for them.

After that, the information gets more and more wide spread as people start correcting each other at an accelerated rate. It's why certain fun facts are so commonly known now, why everyone and their grandmother even if they weren't taught it know now that plasma is the fourth state of matter, and in the endless human attempt to be correct more people are learning Bose-Einstein Condensate and Time Crystals.

Knowledge is a disease, and you have to open yourself up to it, and deliver it to as many people as possible! And the first step to gaining knowledge is expressing ignorance, your weakest links. You only go read an educational book, watch an informational video, or go to google when you admit to yourself you don't something already and that you're ignorant, or the possibility that you are wrong. No one should be afraid of being ignorant, because being afraid of ignorance leads you to being afraid of knowledge. There is no correct way to learn either, there is only learning, or not learning.

Even in the worst case scenario though, you reveal some truth. If they refuse to believe that they're wrong and refuse to change you learn more about that individual and can share that knowledge with others, sharing your experience with the individual, discrediting rich famous and powerful people. The worst politicians billionaires and celebrities to me are the ones that don't state their opinions so they can act on them in the background without people confronting them. Confrontation is key to our world.

Maybe you don't need to voice your opinions all the time, sometimes it's just inappropriate, but there is so much potential harm in having an opinion, no matter if it's right or wrong or left, I think everyone should have and express them. You know, harm is what makes the world go round, harm is change.

EVERYONE SHOULD voice their opinion on EVERYTHING actually. Life is all about growing those opinions and learning what there is to know on those topics. Life is about Learning. Opinions make up the foundations of our personalities, thoughts, philosophy. Opinions are important, especially for the common folk to have.

So no, speak up! Don't be afraid to reveal any implicit biases or intellectual shortcomings, don't be afraid to show potential ignorance, the first step to getting over them is revealing them! I know I wouldn't be half as smart as I am if I didn't say so many wrong things so confidently, and proceed to receive criticism humbly.

Only the ignorant become intelligent, only fools become wise, and no one is born intelligent or wise.

this is correct for normal people too like if you don't know about something beyond a social media infographic level please feel free to shut the hell UP lol

[vampireinterview]

It has come to my attention that some of you have not been made aware of the fact that Plato was well known for being a Destiel shipper, in addition to the fact that he also wrote some philosophical works on the side. Let me explain.

Plato was an Athenian thinker whose real name was Aristocles (Plato most likely comes from the Greek word for ‘broad”, he might have been so jacked that people nicknamed him for his wide shoulders, which is irrelevant to the topic at hand but I’m collecting receipts on my hypothesis that all hellers are physical beheamoths). His work regarding the philosophy of love can be interpreted through the lens of the Deancas love story, which can potentially lead us to discover the very essence of what makes Destiel so impactful and universal, so bear with me, I’ll make it as introductory as possible.

Plato’s Symposium is a dialogue which contains the philosopher’s basic view on what love can be. The influence of the aforementioned text has been so strong that even those of us who are blissfully unaware of its contents have heard of the concept of “platonic love”. It is with great disappointment that I have to inform you about the fact that the way in which the term is colloquially used can be considered quite removed from the core idea of what Plato’s love is supposed to be about. Commonly people utilize it to refer to a non-romantic and non-sexual emotion towards an individual. However, even though the extrasensory love was the end goal, it was never too far distanced from the earthly, carnal desire that was supposed to lay the foundation for greater experiences.

One of the most illustrative elements of the Symposium is no doubt the Love Ladder metaphor (also known as Diotima’s Ladder of Love, the Scala Amoris); Plato believes the act of loving to be a part of the process of initiation into the non-material world of ideas. Every step of the ladder helps one approach the transcendence of one’s soul, and so we can single out six steps to immortal absolutes:

1. The first step is developing an appreciation for a particular person. It’s a very much carnal (though not necessarily conventionally sexual) desire for beauty of a specific individual. According to Plato only through the love of the physical can one love the non material. The visceral infatuation with another’s body is often strongly rooted with the self-hatred of one’s own aesthetical poverty: within the carnal love we seek to find that which our own body lacks. The desire between Dean and Cas doesn’t have to be seen as strictly sexual, as the appreciation of beauty does not warrant a conventionally erotic subtext. This sort of fascination with the flesh is most noticeably highlighted in the many “eye sex” scenes in seasons 4-5, and is later brought up by Hester:

The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost. 

2. The second step stems from the appreciation for all physicality derived directly from the love one has for the lover’s form. It’s fleshed out any time Dean finds beauty in the dark times, where he would have never found it before or when Cas sees humanity through the lens of the love he has for the beauty within Dean Winchester. This step is all about finding the allure in everybody, not in spite of but rather because of having fallen for a specific person’s material form.

3. The next step is a love which transcends the physical and teaches an individual to feel affection towards the souls. The attraction one can experience in relation to that which is non material is precisely what takes the function of the driving force behind both Castiel’s and Dean’s decisions in season 6 and onward (arguably even much earlier for Cas? or even Dean? Maybe we’re talking about season 4?). As evidenced by the apparent lack of attraction Dean experiences towards Jimmy himself, he must have already moved on to this stage (the Cas he loves is not just the vessel he inhabits). Castiel on the other hand feels heavily infatueted with Dean’s spiritual allure (even when he’s physically on the verge of a breakdown, he’s still beautiful, still Dean Winchester). 

4. It is only then that one can find love for the institution. If one worships souls, then one also has to worship the product of those souls: and, sure enough, loving humanity led Castiel to love its structures and ethical systems and be willing to die fighting for them. In the later seasons he exhibits fascination over all the little rules that guide an average human’s life (which is especially fleshed out in his season 7 dialogues, where he contemplates all the small details of the societal structure, ie: how important is lipstick to you?, maybe the human institutions should ban its production). Same can be said of Dean: the customs and traditions of other people are subject to his affectionate protection in the later seasons, which sets s6 and onwards Dean apart from the early seasons Dean who cared mostly about his blood relatives. The found family arc was for him a process of growing attached to the order of life which was previously foreign to him, and him learning to navigate functioning within a big family structure and an organization (the last one is physically manifested by his move from a chaotic life spent at random motels to living at the bunker, property of the institution of Men Of Letters).

5. Then comes the deep appreciation of knowledge. Now, it is widely disputed whether what Plato meant should be strictly narrowed down to just one kind of knowledge (in many English translations you might encounter the word ‘science’, though used in the ancient sense). The process of gaining knowledge is often equated with the understanding of ideas in Plato’s work, therefore we’re going to stick with that. The act of loving the process of discovering both the external and the internal world is a strong factor which pushes Dean to self examination, or the examination of the inner psyche. It is that pursuit of knowledge that is the very coronation of his entire character arc: the realization of his role within the story (”I’m not the ultimate killer”) which was directly derived from the act of loving Cas.

6. The final stage of platonic love is reaching the love of the very concept of Love. Once again, interpretations vary, but for the sake of the argument, I’ll clarify that: the discussed kind of love transcends both the body and the soul. An individual is in love with Beauty, not just one of it’s physical or spiritual manifestations. In my opinion, this stage is extremely well depicted during the 15x18 confession scene, for it is a kind of love achieved by Castiel. He is no longer just in love with the body or soul of Dean, he’s also in love with the sole idea of loving him. He quite literally states that he’s fallen in love with the idea of just being, just saying it, just falling in love. 

Upon achieving this state, he transcends his material conditions both by leaving the human world (his move to another dimension - the Empty - could be just an illustrative manifestation of the transcendental move of his essence) and giving birth to a new world order. The way in which he later on goes to rebuild Heaven and give birth to a completely new, structure of the universe is in line with a concept that Plato ties into the finale step of the Ladder - pregnancy of the soul. At one point in Symposium he describes Diotima saying that:

That in that life alone, when he looks at Beauty in the only way that Beauty can be seen--only then will it become possible for him to give birth not to images or virtue (Because he’s in touch with no images), but to true virtue (Because he is in touch with the true Beauty).

What is the christian equivalent and personification of the true idea of Virtue if not the abstract concept of Heaven? The moment Cas creates a new portrayal of Virtue he finishes the Ladder. It could also be argued that the true pregnancy of the soul was actually finished when Jack ascended to the status of God: an entity which belongs to the realm of ideas and is perfect by its very nature is birthed through Castiel’s love (which can be traced back to the feelings he has for Dean Winchester).

And it is the fact that Dean’s arc got stuck on the fifth stage of the Ladder that causes me so much pain. He dies before transcending and experiencing the non-temporal and non-relative feeling of love that one can gain only through the admiration of beauty itself. His life was cut short and his soul has already left the mortal, physical world, therefore he is forever unable to experience the feeling of loving Love and Virtue so much that his soul gives birth to an unbreakable idea.

In conclusion: if you ever see somebody say that Dean and Castiel’s relationship is platonic, just agree. It is very much so platonic in the sense that through their carnal and spiritual desires they’ve manged to (nearly, in Dean’s case) transcend their material conditions and reached the divine aspect of ideal Beauty and Virtue, rooted in a love that’s so deep that it’s perfectly able to redefine the structure of one’s existence.

tagging some people who have vaguely expressed interest in acquiring the third eye:

@cryptcas​ @futureheadnerd​ @doctorprofessorsong​ @sinnabonka​ @theangelwiththewormstache​ @absoluteheller​ @fivefeetfangirl​ 

[selfshippinglover]

HC Trade wiiiiiiiitthhhh

@bugdadships !! Thank you again for doing this :) I had lots of fun and it always makes me smile knowing Tang has such a good friend!

Tang:

~ Not at all a hard guy to get along or to become friends with! He’s chill, laid-back, and generally agreeable as long as you don’t mind him always being hungry and eating XD

~ Speaking ooooffff food....Probably one of the number one ways to gain his attention. Like, allowing him to stop by just for a meal,letting him eat as much as he wants, and bringing him to an all you eat buffet would be like heaven to the guy! Instant friendship!

~ Also the fact that you CAN cook so well and run a company that is all about food? That’s already another reason for him to come running to ya tbh XDD Be ready for him to come in asking for freebies and/or left overs

~ Another thing would being interested and/or knowledgeable on ancient legends and mythos. Between how excited it makes him and the wonder that puts in his eyes, he’d LOVE to share it all with someone! Reading you stories, dramatically reenacting legendary encounters and generally filling in holes on interesting topics. The two of you are gonna know it all! >:)

~This alllso means that he goes to you with new information often! You’ll be one of the first three people to know(next to Pigsy or MK ofc) and in turn he gets equally as excited when you infodump about your interests! Is very supportive and digs up facts for you about things he know you like on his downtime

~ Though he’s shown to have a lot of pride about his work and knowledge, deep down he fears that he’s falling behind his friends and really isn’t all that special or as good as they are :( He’ll definitely appreciate your support, optimist, and  unending care in these situations!

~ Generally he loves that about you, you know? You always show how much you care about others but don’t take their antics when they’ve truly done something out of step.(like Yin and Jin) You don’t need more of a reason then that feeling in your gut that says help them!! to do so and he really admires that :)

~ You, him, and Pigsy develop a bunch of in jokes very quickly since the three of you would end up hanging out together often X3 Which also starts to lead to Pigsy asking you where Tang is if he can’t find him haha

~ You’ll find that he generally goes to with questions, philosophical debates,and other things he finds he needs/wants a second opinion on(Sometimes in the most inconvenient yet comedic moments XD) and takes what you say in high regard!

~ I know you’re probably already well of aware of this part of your dynamic in most any relationship but just gotta say that you hold the braincell more of the time and are the go to for things that someone that’s more responsible should be dealing with XD

~All in all, ya’ll are quick besties with plenty in common and lots of fun adventures to tackle in the future! aaand friendship building angst to grow stronger through! :D

[shinyatiny]

Flower Crown - yungi

Chapter five: Exchange glances

_____________________________

The entire village was busy as the townsfolk prepared for the festival. People had decorated the numerous streetlights with glorious-looking red lanterns, and as it was already noon, the lanterns illuminated a noble path all the way to the arena. It was like a personal red carpet for anyone who was headed there. The children were throwing flower petals on the streets to welcome the honorable guests to the village, making both Jongho and Mingi smile with adoration.

Some of the villagers greeted Mingi as the pair waltzed through the crowd of people. He tried giving them a polite nod back but failed miserably, awkwardly smiling as he gave up being polished. Jongho laughed at Mingi's stiffness, gaining a grumpy huff from him as a response. "The town's very lively today." He muttered, subconsciously gripping Mingi's hand tighter as he lead him through the thick crowds of people. It usually didn't take much time to reach the huge fighting arena but considering the streets were filled with people from all over the continent, it was harder to get there. "I've never seen so many people in one place. Where I come from, houses are scattered everywhere on the mountains."

Mingi stared at Jongho's (rather muscular) back for a hot second before answering. "Oh yeah! I forgot the whole berserker clan lives on the mountains." He pondered as the corners of his mouth quirked up a little. "Isn't it cold up there?" He cocked his head to the side, eyes shining in fascination towards the other's race.

The berserker hummed, thinking of a fitting answer, his other hand in his pocket. "No, not really. I guess we're built to withstand cold weather. But hot weather, that's something I dislike quite a bit." He admitted, a sweet smile on his lips. "It makes my skin dry."

"Oh? I've never read about that." Mingi mumbled, kicking a small rock on the ground. "As I said, I've never seen a berserker before so this is a big deal for me. I've only read about your kind from my books." He mentioned with an adorable pout as if he was embarrassed he didn't have much knowledge about Jongho's people.

"You've read about berserkers?" The other quirked up an eyebrow as if Mingi could see it. He slowed down because of their heated conversation, figuring out talking with Mingi wasn't bad. "I'm intrigued now. What have you learned?" He grinned, looking over his shoulder.

The elf let out a breathy chuckle, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand like a fine lady of sorts. "Well for starters, berserkers have horns on their head and it's their most distinctive feature after their huge size. Although it seems you aren't really the model berserker out there. Even my father didn't realize." He added. Jongho nodded nonchalantly, anticipation written on his features as if he was waiting for something to happen. And when Mingi finally asked the burning question, Jongho got silent immediately.

"Why don't you have horns, by the way?"

Like a deer caught in headlights, Jongho froze in his steps, staring right ahead at the huge shadow of an arena. Mingi's eyes widened as he realized he had asked a question he never should have. His eyes found the gravel path under his feet and he gently took his hand out of the tight grip Jongho had it in. "I — I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked! I-"

"It's fine, Mingi. Don't worry about it." Jongho assured, turning around to look at the taller elf behind him. He noticed how uncomfortable Mingi looked at the moment, guilt filling his stomach, making him feel worse. His eyes found the hand he had been holding onto just a minute ago. Mingi was keeping his fist close to his chest as if he was afraid to move. "I'd rather not talk about it here. It's a lengthy and saddening story and I believe it'd be better if I were to leave it for next time." He lowered his gaze towards the ground. "Sorry."

"It's fine! I'm okay with that..." Mingi bit his lower lip, guilt washing over him like an enormous wave, getting rid of the happy thoughts in his mind instantly. "I apologize for making you feel uneasy, Jongho. That was never my intention." He mumbled, taking in a sharp breath. "I can see this topic brings you bad memories, so let's change it, shall we?" He faked a smile, rubbing his markings through the silky shirt. "I believe I was talking about what I had learned about berserkers from my books."

"Y — yeah."

"I know berserkers are known for not expressing their emotions too often. They rely on their own strength more than their emotions and I guess that's understandable in some aspects." He explained as if Jongho wasn't a berserker himself, a small but excited smile on his features. "Although I must admit, you seem quite different from what the books have described." He muttered to himself quietly, wishing Jongho didn't hear him, but he did. "Anyway, those are some of the things I've read about your kind. I don't want to keep the other contestants waiting, so maybe we should resume our walk there."

"You aren't wrong about the whole 'known for not using their emotions' thing. I guess we use our brains less than others and use our heads instead." Jongho added, slowly turning around and taking his first step towards the arena, again. "It's harder for some. For example, I don't have a hard time with it most of the time, but there have been days when I have shut down entirely and haven't talked to anyone. No one really knows what causes this but I guess it's the class. Berserkers are like that, and no one really questions it."

Mingi lingered behind Jongho as he took some more steps, lips pursed into a thin line as he carefully listened to every single word. Some of the townspeople made way for them when they realized it was the prince and waved at him. Mingi looked down in embarrassment, almost halting in his steps when a hand grabbed his. He looked up to see Jongho holding his hand once again in a tight grip, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Can we hurry up?" Mingi said shyly, accepting the warm hand. "I dislike crowds."

"Of course," Jongho said, gently showing his gummy smile to the taller elf. He decided to ignore the bad memories and focus on Mingi's mood which had decreased tremendously when he had mentioned Jongho's missing horns. Of course, he felt bad for making Mingi feel that way, but how could he have known Mingi was going to ask something like that. "I'll take a detour so we can get there faster, okay?" He glanced at the other over his shoulder, his smile wavering as he saw Mingi's crestfallen expression.

"You don't need to do that. Just get me out of here, please." Mingi pleaded with a whimper, begged which made Jongho's heart drop instantly. Even if they've known each other for less than a day, the berserker didn't like seeing someone get uncomfortable because of him.

"I know, but I figured you'd want to see the other fighters. You'd see what you're going against in a few hours." Jongho explained while cocking his head to the side a little. "It would be the perfect opportunity to gain some information about the contestants in my opinion." He said nonchalantly, giving Mingi a stiff nod before grabbing his hand again. "Come on, we gotta hurry."

"Okay, fine."

°❀°

And there it was, the fighting arena, big and majestic in size. People were lined up by the huge metal gate, two guards with sharp, long spears standing on both sides, preventing the people from barging in. Mingi and Jongho wandered closer to the gates but kept their distance from the group of people since they weren't attending as spectators. The berserker glanced at Mingi and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's grander than I remembered." He hummed, gazing up at the huge arena up ahead. "I wish there was something like this on the mountains. The only entertaining thing I can recollect regarding my childhood was a playground I visited as a kid." He laughed, a warm smile plastered on his lips.

Mingi cocked his head to the side, a frown engulfing his peaceful expression. Every time Jongho has talked about his time on the mountains, there's been this melancholic feeling in the air, like something was completely missing. Although the way the guard talked about it didn't seem too concerning, it rang some bells in Mingi's head. "Oh please, I'm sure there's something you cherish about that place." He smiled, trying not to show his inner thoughts to the other. He didn't want to worry Jongho, after all. "I mean, this village isn't interesting either. There's only this large arena in the heart of the town and that's about it. Some petite workshops here and there and the rest are residences."

As if something triggered a memory in Jongho's mind, he went quiet for a minute. Mingi noticed the way he almost withdrew from the conversation, looking for an answer on his expression. The berserker seemed to be in a completely different world for a second. After a couple more minutes Jongho had seemed to gather his thoughts and smiled which resembled a fake smile to Mingi. "I wish I could tell you." He finally stated, turning his gaze away from Mingi and glancing at their surroundings in thought. "Could you stay here while I question the guards?"

"O- of course," Mingi said, stuttering as he was still processing Jongho's answer in his mind. That just proved he had no idea what kind of person he was. He was completely in the dark about the other's past and if he was being completely honest, it made him slightly afraid. The fact that he had been so comfortable around Jongho frightened him quite a bit, it felt like they had known each other for a long time, like he had known Seonghwa. But in reality, they've known for less than a day. "I'll wait here until you return, go ahead, yeah." He smiled awkwardly, still held by his thoughts.

Mingi watched as Jongho made a beeline to the guards, his fluffy red hair bouncing as he walked. The people in the line yelled at him, furious that Jongho had casually walked past them and was now the first in line. Mingi could only watch and observe from the distance as the guard and Jongho conversed.

"Mingi!" An awfully familiar voice boomed from behind him. Seonghwa had come to see him.

Mingi beamed when he realized it had been his dear friend who had approached him. The pressure in his chest calmed down even if it was temporary, Seonghwa's presence affected him and he couldn't deny it. Even if it was for a few minutes, the world around him seemed to calm down and all he could focus on was his friend who was warmly smiling and patiently waiting for an answer. "You came!" Mingi grinned, waiting for Seonghwa to initiate something, a reaction, something. And when Seonghwa simply smiled brighter at his tall friend and he wrapped his arms around Mingi's torso, he grew worried. "Seonghwa?"

The older elf hummed next to Mingi's ear, causing goosebumps all over his skin. "I'm sorry you have to do this, Mingi." He mumbled, arms tightening around Mingi's waist. The said elf sighed and leaned into the hug, giving Seonghwa time to collect his thoughts in peace. The topic sure wasn't anything cheerful. "Your father's in the wrong here, for making you go through this. Fuck, I should've prevented this from occurring." He hissed, fists gripping onto Mingi's silky shirt.

"Hey, you're not the cause of this, Hwa," Mingi mumbled, running his hand up and down Seonghwa's back in a calming manner. The other only sighed in contentment as he relaxed more into the hug. They didn't care about the stares they got anymore, the situation was too intimate for anyone to stop it. "Please, don't condemn yourself because of my shitty life. It's not your fault, not in a million years."

A dry chuckle left Seonghwa's lips at Mingi's remark. He pulled away, hands still on Mingi's hips, just for good measure. "I know, dear. I know." He sighed, closing his eyes with a pout. "I just — I don't want you to get injured. I'm aware there are healers there when the competition starts but what if something happens and even they cannot heal you? What if you lose an arm o-or a leg or something? I could never forgive myself..."

And when Seonghwa was done with his rant, Mingi giggled, he fucking giggled. When Seonghwa was worrying his ass off, his friend brushed all of the thoughts away as if he was some kind of a god. "I'm not going to get hurt, Hwa-"

"Promise me. Promise me you won't get hurt, please." Seonghwa whimpered, looking straight into Mingi's brown eyes. "I'd rather not dwell in guilt... Mingi, I've known you for years and years, you getting hurt would — it would break me. I don't know if I'd survive with the guilt, knowing I could've prevented this all from happening. So please, tell me it's going to be alright and promise me you won't get hurt out there."

Seonghwa was desperate, that was clear. To be honest, Mingi was a little moved because Seonghwa clearly cared dearly for him and treasured him as a friend. It made him happy. But this was something he couldn't promise even if he wanted to, the opponent is always unpredictable whether he liked it or not. There's no way he could know their next move, he wasn't a mind-reader. "Seonghwa... you know I can't promise you that..." He murmured, looking down at the gravel path under his feet. "The opponent is unpredictable, I don't know what they're capable of doing. And you know I'm not an expert in combat, I suck, to be honest. I don't even know what I have to do out there! How the hell am I supposed to fight in front of everyone; in front of my father when I have no idea what I'm doing?"

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Seonghwa pursed his lips together, taking Mingi's hand and pressing his lips on the soft skin. Mingi widened his eyes in surprise but didn't comment on it. Seonghwa must be distressed about the whole competition. "Just know I'll be watching you in the audience among the others. I'll stop the fight if I see you getting hurt, with force if I have to." He smiled sadly, letting go of Mingi's hand. A thousand words were said without speaking with that simple gesture and Mingi understood every single one. "Were you waiting for someone?" Seonghwa asked, letting the heavy topic finally go.

"I — yeah. I was waiting for my guard to come back." Mingi smiled awkwardly, glancing at Jongho who was still chatting with the other guard. "He went to talk with the other guards. I guess he had something to ask from them." He hummed, keeping his eyes fixed on Jongho's figure. "You know, he's an interesting guy, I must say."

Seonghwa tilted his head to the side, waiting for Mingi to continue. "How so?"

"He's not from our village; he's not an elf, Hwa," Mingi stated nonchalantly, a sigh leaving his lips. He didn't expect the awestruck expression in Seonghwa's features when he turned to look at him. "What? As if there aren't any other species walking around town right now. He's just someone I never thought could join my father's forces, that's all."

As if he had just heard a huge secret, the silver-haired widened his eyes in disbelief, eyeing Mingi as if he was asking if what he had said was true or not. "You're kidding." He murmured. "How the hell is he a guard if he's not an elf? You know very well your father doesn't allow anybody to join his ranks, don't you?"

"I'm aware of that, yeah." Mingi sighed. "But I know what he is; he's a berserker-"

"He's a what now?!" Seonghwa interrupted with a restrained yell, eyes wide as plates. A member of the berserker clan living among elves wasn't what he was expecting at all. It was unheard of. "Mingi, that's extremely dangerous, you know that right? And how do you even know he's one of them? He doesn't even have horns and he's shorter than you." He questioned, a confused expression on his features as he observed Mingi's look.

"He told me," Mingi answered quietly, glancing away from his friend. "And how do you even know of this stuff? Have you met him before?" He countered, a similar expression to Seonghwa's on his features now. "You seem to know a lot about berserkers, Hwa." Seonghwa was about to reply but Mingi beat him to it, ignoring the irritated look on his friend's face as he continued to speak louder. "In any case, I don't think Jongho's dangerous. He's proved himself to be calm and collected, so in my opinion, there's nothing to be worried about."

"Mingi, a berserker in an elf village is unheard of! It's a long way to this village from the mountains, you know that. He would've had to walk for months to reach this village. Do you think he'd be that desperate to join your father's forces? Because I don't, there's no way that's the only motivation behind his leave." Seonghwa said with his jaw clenched. "I don't think you understand how grave this situation is, Mingi."

"I-"

"What're you guys talking about?" A familiar voice called out. Mingi sighed and turned to look at Jongho who was running toward his with a wide grin, waving his hand like a child. "Mingi, I know where we have to go now! The guard said the waiting room is there, in that big building next to the arena." He stated, pointing at a semi-worn-out building in the distance. The building's grey, moss-covered walls created a haunting picture in Mingi's mind and he sure wished the building would look better on the inside. The furniture better be nice. "And who's this? Is he your friend?" Jongho cocked his head to the side, an innocent pout on his lips.

Seonghwa huffed and looked away from the red-haired, sticking close to the taller elf. "I'm Seonghwa, Park Seonghwa." He said sternly, gripping onto Mingi's left arm. "I own a local jewelry shop here." He added, ending the conversation right there. Jongho blinked in confusion, slowly nodding with pursed lips. It seems Jongho hadn't realized Seonghwa's annoyed mood yet, and that's what Mingi was fearing.

"Oh! I don't think we've met yet." Jongho smiled brightly, his gums showing. Seonghwa hummed, looking at the hand in front of him, contemplating whether to shake it or not, but he didn't necessarily fancy being impolite. "Uh, Choi Jongho. That's my name if you didn't know it already. I don't know if Mingi mentioned me when I was talking with the other guards." He explained, a blush dancing on his cheeks out of pure embarrassment.

"No, he mentioned you, just not your name," Seonghwa said calmly, nibbling with his dangling earring. The piece of jewelry was one of his own creations; a silver crow with a blue jewel as its eye. A few years back, Mingi had mentioned it looked pretty on him and since then he's been wearing it almost every day, hoping to get some kind of a reaction out of the younger elf. "I heard you're not from around here, Jongho," Seonghwa raised an eyebrow, eyeing the berserker up and down.

Jongho's lip twitched, a look of horror replacing his features for a split second before it was replaced with a worried look. "I-" He started, worriedly glancing at Mingi's direction as if asking for help. "Yeah you — you could say that." He stuttered, scratching his nape out of awkwardness. "Did — have you heard anything else about me?"

Seonghwa snickered, finally letting go of Mingi's arm, a serious expression replacing his previous one. "Just the fact that you aren't an elf." He said. Mingi opened his mouth to say something but decided against it, grabbing Seonghwa's hand, feeling the several rings around his fingers. Seonghwa glanced over his shoulder at Mingi, his full attention on him and him only. "Mingi?" He asked, voice turning soft as if a switch was flicked just now. "Is something wrong?"

"Please, don't force the topic on him..." Mingi mumbled, some extra incoherent words leaving his lips in a rush. Seonghwa nodded gently, shifting his glare to Jongho. "Hwa, the festival should be beginning shortly, I have to go."

"I understand," Seonghwa mumbled, wrapping his arms around Mingi's waist one more time to hug him. The hug was swift, but it warmed his heart and calmed him down. Mingi smiled at the older's touchiness, accepting every little hug and kiss that was presented to him. "Be careful, Gigi. I'll be watching you." Seonghwa said, a smile decorating his lips wonderfully.

" I will," Mingi giggled at the cute nickname, unwrapping his arms around Seonghwa's torso. He looked at Jongho who was awkwardly watching the two interact with pursed lips. "Come on Jongho, let's go. You said you know the way to the waiting room, didn't you?" Mingi chuckled.

"Of course," Jongho said hastily, sprinting to his side immediately. "This way."

"Alright," Mingi smiled. "Bye, Hwa. We'll be seeing each other after the festival."

"Yeah, see you."

°❀°

Jongho pushed the heavy door open, a creak following it. It lead them to a hallway that was lit by the same red lanterns which were hanging from the streetlights. It wasn't anything special, just an ordinary hallway, a long one. But compared to the moss-ridden walls, the inside was much nicer. "Well then, shall we go?" Jongho raised an eyebrow, nudging the other playfully on his shoulder. A small yelp left Mingi's lips at the nudge but he brushed the thought away with a roll of his eyes.

As Jongho closed the wooden door behind him, Mingi observed the hallway, seeing a few people talking up ahead. The closer they got to them, the more Mingi began to realize they weren't from his village, the more he began to realize they weren't elves, to begin with. He halted in his steps, frozen in place as he watched the group interact with each other. What gained his attention was the unusual color of their hair; bright, royal blue. He had never seen anyone with blue hair before, at least not in his village and it intrigued him. It also made him fearful.

"What's he staring at us?"

"I don't know, ignore him. He's a weirdo."

Mingi hadn't even noticed that he had been staring at the group. What made him realize was the sudden silence in the hallway and the countless whispers sent his way. With a blink, he looked away from the group and turned to Jongho who was watching with narrowed eyes, observing the unknown people. He glanced at Mingi who seemed to be unsure of the situation himself and pushed the said elf behind him. "Are you guys going to compete in the festival?" He called for them, gaining their attention. Mingi widened his eyes and was ready to silence him but Jongho kept going. "If not, I have to kindly ask you to leave, this place is for competitors only."

This was one of the moments Mingi would like to bury himself in a hole and disappear from sight. He didn't want to cause any problems and Jongho had seemed to notice his distress as well, placing a hand on his shoulder for reassurance. "Maybe it's not a good idea to pick a fight with those guys, Jongho..." Mingi whispered behind the berserker, gripping onto his shirt for comfort even though he was towering over him because of the height difference. "Jongho-"

"Who are you to tell us that? Are you a competitor yourself Mr. muscle man?" One of the men laughed slyly, leaning against the wooden wall. "You look lost yourselves. Do you need help finding your way out? Out of this village perhaps?" He said with a lazy smirk. This made Jongho's lip twitch in annoyance and he sure hoped it wasn't visible because he was boiling with anger inside.

"Oh, I'm not the one who's fighting, prince Mingi is," Jongho said with a smooth grin, pointing at Mingi who was standing behind him, nervously biting his lip, almost drawing blood from it. If he could've, he would've loved to show them their reaction when he had mentioned Mingi's title, but oh well. "It's his first time being here, so obviously, seeing new people makes him nervous."

The man who had laughed shut up quickly, pursing his lips together and spewing something that seemed to be countless curse words. "Sure." He rolled his eyes in irritation, glaring at Mingi before ignoring the pair completely. Jongho laughed silently, taking Mingi's hand and leading him to the right room on the left. The elf followed put behind him and looked around the building in awe.

When they reached the main building Mingi was breath-taken by the interior of the waiting room. For starters, it was gloriously decorated with wine-red wallpapers with golden flowers embedded into it. Two huge pillars that were at least 4 meters tall stood before him, looking grand as ever. The room was bustling with life, people everywhere. It didn't tone down his anxiety at all and even Jongho seemed to pick up on this, leading him towards a less-crowded corner. Although the festival was only beginning, everyone was already seated at the long tables, glasses full of what looked (and smelled) like their finest grape wine.

Their attires were something Mingi was blown by, majestic and noble-like. He felt rather small in everyone's presence but ignored the gut-twisting feeling in his stomach and focused on the scent of wine and food in the air. Some of the guests had noticed the elf prince and his guard, eyeing the pair from afar like they were something unknown to them. The hall got fairly quiet when they settled down on some benches next to the wall, everyone's attention thoroughly on Mingi and his companion.

The elf gulped down the lump in his throat, looking down at his shiny black shoes for comfort (of course this didn't really help). Cocking his head to the side, he whispered something to Jongho so quietly even the berserker didn't hear him. With a silent curse, he spoke a little louder. "Why's everyone staring at us?" He whisper-yelled, a bead of sweat forming on his neck. "This definitely isn't what I had expected. I hope it won't be like this when we get to the main arena."

"Ever considered they might be staring because of how you look, Mingi?" Jongho countered, whispering back. Mingi widened his eyes looking down at his outfit in confusion as if there was something wrong with his attire. "You look excellent, don't worry. I think everyone's staring at you because you look too fancy for this event. They're jealous." He grinned lazily.

"Me? Too fancy?" Mingi said, a crease forming between his brows. He switched his gaze from his pants to Jongho only to see him smiling widely at him, small crescents forming in his eyes. It almost, almost melted the iceberg of nervousness in his heart, but not entirely. Despite the warm aura Jongho radiated, Mingi couldn't help but feel a little on edge about the whole situation. He never wanted this in the first place as he was forced to compete by his father's orders. Seonghwa's words made him even more nervous. "They can stare all they want, I don't care. It's not like I look terrible." He grinned back, trying to contain the disappointment in his heart.

"Right, of course-"

"I will not let you fight with that outfit! You look hideous, disgusting!" A sudden, loud voice resounded in the hall. Everyone turned their heads towards the abrupt noise at the door, Mingi and Jongho included. "Your piercings are a disgrace here, I won't tolerate something this sickening here, get out of here before I'll throw you out myself!"

"Come on, this?" Another voice, a deeper one responded, a hint of playfulness in it. "You're saying this is hideous? Do you not have an eye for good clothing?"

"I'm saying this outfit of yours isn't pleasing to look at. As I said, it looks terrible on you." The previous man yelled impatiently. Mingi had spotted the yelling man at the doorway, shouting at someone tall, very tall. "Yunho, please go change your outfit into something more traditional, I beg of you." He pleaded, stiff shoulders slumping down in defeat when the other only shook his head. "You're going to compete in that?"

"Why of course I will. Why wouldn't I? I want to fight with style, Mr. Daesung. I'm sure you understand." The man named Yunho declared, quirking up an eyebrow as the corners of his lips lifted upwards. "Also, who are you to boss me around? I don't live in our village anymore so why would I need to follow those silly rules?" He said, leaning against the doorway. "I'm here to have a little fun since the chief sent me an invitation letter, that's all. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sit somewhere more peaceful." He added with a wide, warm grin.

Everyone's eyes were glued on Yunho's figure as he stepped into the awkwardly silent hall, looking around for an empty seat someplace quiet. Mingi, too, was watching the unknown man, but something more interesting piqued interest in him; his outfit.

This man named Yunho was drop-dead gorgeous. Mingi could've sworn he saw something shimmering under the see-through shirt he was wearing. Yunho's outfit seemed to gain attention from the other guests as well considering what he was wearing was nothing like the traditional outfits everyone else had on. It was closer to Mingi's outfit which made him glad he wasn't the only one with taste. Jongho seemed to ignore the commotion as he was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.

And when Yunho seated himself on a wooden chair situated on the opposite wall, his silky shirt shifted with his movements. Mingi's eyes went wide when he saw the other. Yunho's gorgeous markings reached from his back all the way to his toned stomach. The dark tattoos gracefully complimented the golden piercing on his belly which made Mingi's heart race for some reason or another.

Then it happened. A smirk, a simple smirk from him was able to set Mingi's cheeks aflame and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. It probably wasn't since the stares he got from Yunho were more intense than the ones his father gave him this morning.

For the first time in a while, Mingi was completely flustered because of someone, and that someone was Yunho whom he didn't even know.

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.3}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

Lunch break came and went, and so did the second half of the conference. Robin and Snape continued doing what they had been doing for the most part of the day, quietly criticising the many misconceptions, mistakes and missing pieces of the other people's lectures, but they wouldn't be as tactless as to publicly bring it up in the discussions. All corrections and truths, as well as all snarky comments and crude jokes were kept exclusively between the two of them. The handbook, or rather the immense knowledge that was compiled in it by now, wasn't supposed to become known, especially not around here in these circles, and thus Robin had to refrain from correcting mistakes for the most part anyway. Only when she was asked for her opinion specifically – which actually had become an almost usual occurrence at this point – did she speak up at all. But of course the conference wouldn't have been the same without Kenneth Crowe, nor without his not so subtle attempts to mess with Robin once again.

"May I remark, Miss Mitchell, you haven't commented on my presentation yet, and given your inclination to comment on absolutely everything, that does surprise me now. So please enlighten us, what brilliant conclusion did you come to this time?" He asked her during the discussion to his lecture, his tone so pointedly hostile and sarcastic that a few people frowned at him in confusion. They must've been living under a rock for the last two years if they had missed this growing one-sided rivalry.

"Never give a green cat a flamethrower." Robin replied in perfect neutrality an instant later, looking him dead in the eye from all the way across the room. Admittedly, she had come prepared for such a situation this time around, and that left her feeling a lot more in control of the situation than she had in the previous years. Next to her, Snape raised an eyebrow and tried very hard not to look too amused by what he certainly guessed was coming.

Crowe however openly scoffed at Robin, rolling his eyes in a condescending manner, before crossing his arms over his chest. "Matters certainly get more ridiculous every single year; I won't even honor that statement by questioning it."

"That would be the point." Robin gave him a polite little smile, and multiple people in the room quietly snorted against better judgement. "I'm glad you agree with me on the issue. Some matters simply aren't worth to be commented on."

A few jaws dropped, Crowe's being one of them, but he stayed pointedly quiet in return and instead seemed to ignore Robin entirely from there on. Just what she had wanted. That settled the issue, and the afternoon continued on quietly until the last lecture was over, upon which the crowd assembled in the front for the usual picture to be taken. Unlike last year, Robin didn't have to convince Snape to partake, and they found their place easily just like everyone else did. After that however, Robin was asked to stand for a second photograph all by herself, which obviously was a usual procedure for the people who gave the lectures. She wasn't particularly fond of the idea, but it would've taken more time to argue herself out of it than to get it over with, and thus she simply shook her hair out of the bun it had been in and stood still.

"Smile for me, would you?" The photographer asked, and Robin tried to somewhat smile without looking stupid. But obviously he wouldn't have her not-smile. "No no no, smile with your entire face, like you actually mean it!"

"The others didn't have to smile either." She scoffed, thinking of how all the men before her had been done with the picture within seconds, and without a comment. "So why do I have to? Just because I'm female doesn't make me a dress up doll."

"I'm sure your smile is lovely, sweetheart." He reasoned and gave her a look that annoyed Robin within a second. "They say a woman's smile is the most enchanting thing about her, you know…"

"That is the best you can do? Not very creative, is it?" Snape remarked from just a little off to the side, raising an eyebrow at the photographer, absolutely unimpressed. "I would rather say it's the mind that enchants, but what would you know about that, right?"

Robin couldn't help laughing at the comment, at the sheer sass in it, and even just at the expression on Snape's face. Before she knew, her photo was taken and the grumbling photographer packed up without another word to either of them. Well, at least she was smiling like he'd wanted her to, even if she had looked behind the camera rather than into it.

What followed was the usual: endless smalltalk and conversations, being handed over from one person to the next, and having to tell people as politely as possible that her life wasn't a topic she would give them information on. But unlike last year, Snape stayed by Robin's side the entire time and thereby made the whole procedure a lot more bearable. He obviously didn't have the same reputation here as he did back at Hogwarts, but even without knowing exactly who he was, his height, scowls and generally dark appearance sufficed to keep people at a distance from both of them. For the most part at least.

"So you are the famous Miss Mitchell…" A man perhaps a little older than Snape approached them in a slow saunter in the very moment Robin's previous conversation came to an end. She had noticed how he'd kept throwing glances at her throughout the evening, but only now he actually approached her, in obvious disdain that Snape still refused to leave her side. Perhaps that's why his eyes and focus stayed exclusively on Robin. "A true honour to meet you at last."

"I'm Robin Mitchell, yes." She replied, after not finding a name tag on him anywhere. "But I'm afraid I didn't catch your name."

"Jacob Crowe." He smiled way too brightly, bowing in an exaggerated manner. "You already know my brother Kenneth, unfortunately. But let me assure you that not everyone in our family is quite as ignorant as him."

"Nice to meet you, then." Robin made herself return a polite smile even though his forcefully charming demeanor made her rather want to scowl. At least Snape's hand was still securely resting on her back, had been from the start of these torturous conversations, and she found herself leaning into him the slightest bit more on instinct now. He surely wouldn't mind… just for the duration of this uncomfortable situation.

"I must say, your presentation was quite enchanting." Crowe gave her another look that was probably supposed to be dashing, but only did the very opposite. "A fascinating story of research and intellect, told by the most fascinating woman I have ever seen. Logically, I was clinging onto your every word."

"Yes, that much was obvious." Snape taunted with the inevitable scowl, glowering at Crowe before Robin had to come up with a reply on her own. It was the first and only time he had gotten himself involved in any of Robin's conversations this evening, and good gods he couldn't have picked a better time.

Crowe glared right back at him, making a face that was in no way inferior in its hostility to that of his brother. "And you are…?"

"Tired of hearing you speak when you clearly have nothing to say." Snape replied in a cutting voice that was filled with boredom and disdain alike, and yet he tugged Robin even closer to his side ever so gently. Always the contradiction.

Crowe glared at him for another moment, then turned back to Robin with a still somewhat irritated expression that he however tried to cover up with another smile. "You are a remarkable woman, Robin… It would be a true joy to get to know you, to hear more about your research and life. But then again, you seem to be spoken for already."

"As a matter of fact, I generally only speak for myself." Robin replied calmly, but yet in a tone that made abundantly clear what she thought of his advances. "And I am here to speak about research, not about my personal life."

"There's no harm in combining work and pleasure, my dear." He gave her another almost suggestive grin, obviously misunderstanding her previous statement. "I know for a fact that you are quite exceptional in one, and I would love to find out about the other."

"Good evening, Mister Crowe." She got out more or less politely, then turned on her heels and pulled Snape towards the doors with her. He seemed no less eager to finally leave this place, which made it more of a common hasting than either leading the other really. However before they could get far, another group of three men stepped into their way. They at least acknowledged Snape with a nod before focusing entirely on Robin.

"Miss Mitchell, I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about the Siazella you found on accident. I have never heard of it before, which should be surprising enough at my age! How on earth did you know what you were dealing with?" The oldest in the group got right to the point, smiling in a curious and friendly manner at least, and Robin still had to suppress a sigh. She just wanted to leave… but that would have to wait. If Dumbledore had already set her up for the lecture, he surely would expect her to answer the professional questions as well. At least these men actually seemed sincerely interested in her research.

For another twenty minutes Robin elaborated on the Siazella and her knowledge of it, careful to leave out her handbook nonetheless, and once she also had answered any follow-up questions, the three men finally wished them a good night and let them be at last. Two heartbeats passed, and then Snape and Robin practically ran out the doors to avoid getting held up another time. Only once they had rushed all the way through the hallways and down the first flight of stairs, they finally slowed down a little, which left Robin both breathless and amused. Somehow, fleeing from the crime scene together had a charme in itself.

"I'm glad it's finally over…" She sighed as they walked down the elaborate staircase that –as everything in the wizarding world, it seemed– was merely lit by an astonishing number of candles. "The day was more annoying than I remembered it to be, and a whole lot more exhausting. I'm glad it's just you and me now."

"I wonder why I ever attended this pathetic event in the first place." Snape grumbled to himself in return, his scowl coloured by the barest hint of a pout. "A room full of idiots who speak nonsense and pride themselves in entirely irrelevant matters. I could have the very same in the Slytherin common room."

Robin let out a snort, which however was followed by an almost affectionate smile. "You attended because of me, I would say."

"So did everyone else, obviously." He drawled, rolling his eyes in complete disdain once more, much like the expression he had given the younger Crowe.

"Are you jealous?" She couldn't help asking in a teasing tone, quirking an eyebrow at him in amusement. Yeah, maybe teasing him when he was annoyed wasn't the best idea.

"Whyever would I be?" He scoffed immediately, a little too immediately, and definitely much too defensively.

"Because unlike back at Hogwarts, I am the one with a reputation here." She grinned in return, choosing to let go of what she had originally been insinuating in favour of a more universal interpretation, then couldn't help laughing at her own thought. "Usually you're Batman and I'm Robin. But here I'm Batman and you're Robin… which you're probably not used to being. But I can assure you that I definitely couldn't have done any of this without you, so perhaps it's not the best analogy."

He rolled his eyes again, but couldn't help the small smirk tugging on his lips. "Poor analogy indeed, especially for you. As far as I remember, you are the heroic type who saved a girl from almost certain death, twice in a row."

"And you are far braver than you give yourself credit for! I mean, you're spending a great deal of time with me, that's gotta take some bravery to go through with willingly." Robin smirked up at him, raising her eyebrows in humour as they made their way through the almost empty entrance hall in complete ignorance of everyone who was still present.

"If I was any kind of brave, I would have cursed all those men up there the second they dared to gawk at you in such a lewdly manner." He said once they were finally out in the dark street again, and his words sent an immediate shiver through Robin. But she also reminded herself that he probably, no, definitely didn't mean it in the way her mind so desperately wanted to believe.

"That wouldn't have been brave but just rash." She replied with a small smile, calm and reassuring, even though her heart was racing. "Take Crowe, for example. He was only sweet-talking me to get information on my personal life. And as much as I wanted to hex him myself, it just would've looked like I have something to hide."

"How can you be so rational about people mistreating you like that?"

"Practice." Robin shrugged with an actually humoured smile. "And I had you with me the entire time; what bad could possibly have happened to me?"

"I feel honoured by that assessment, but still, you take their crude behavior far too lightly."

"I'd rather say you take it too seriously. You said yourself that it's just a room full of idiots and creeps, so why should we waste a thought on them?" She gave him a pointed look to accompany the statement. "It's over now either way, and the only idiot you have to deal with is me."

"Yes, but that is an entirely different matter. You are my idiot."

"I am?" The grin was on her face before she could help it, and his words burned themselves into her memory to haunt her in her mind for all time to come.

"Obviously." He quirked an eyebrow at her in a way that made her grin even more, and only then he allowed himself the tiniest smirk in return. A moment passed in silence before he spoke on. "It is fairly late already, and knowing you, you will most certainly want to look into another theory tomorrow morning."

"We don't have to! I mean, if you'd prefer to… to take a break, we can continue any other time really. If you've got something else to do, I absolutely understand that. I mean it's been two weeks, and I haven't even once asked if I was keeping you from anything, and really it's been quite rude of me to just blindly assume that you would want to waste your entire holidays on me, but since we never really discussed it, you know, I just-..."

"Breathe." He cut in with a still subtly amused expression. "Tomorrow is fine."

"Good…" Robin said and let out a long breath at the same time indeed. Really, if she was exceptionally good at anything, it would have to be rambling. Or overthinking. "Tomorrow morning it is then."

"The cliff?"

"Always lovely meeting there. Eight as always?"

"Very well."

"So… time to say goodnight, I guess."

"Indeed."

And yet, they both remained standing a step apart on the dark sidewalk, looking at each other expectantly while neither wanted to be the first to go. After half a minute, Robin started smiling, then grinning, and finally straight out laughed at the situation and at how silly they both were being. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but it never ceased to amuse her, nor amaze her that he seemed to be as reluctant to part ways as her.

"Coffee?" She finally asked with a soft smile.

"Yes."

… … …

Finding a place to have decent coffee after eleven at night was surprisingly easy in London, but for the sake of being a little more subtle than going to the Leaky Cauldron or any other establishment where either of them surely would be recognized, they settled for a random muggle pub that wasn't too crowded nor too loud, and where hopefully nobody would ask questions about Snape's choice of clothing. He'd been very much right in that regard, muggles didn't take too kindly to people in robes, but since Robin looked mostly normal, they merely received a few odd glances. Admittedly, they could simply have gone back to making instant coffee somewhere far away from people, but real coffee was a tempting change for once. Thus they found themselves sitting at a small table in a corner, and Robin couldn't help enjoying the anonymity of a crowded place as well as the bliss of doing something so very ordinary with Snape for once. If one looked at it that way, they had never actually spent time in public together, so this was a welcome new experience that came with very welcome tingles no less. Before long their orders arrived, and the overly cheerful blonde waitress reminded Robin of something she had almost forgotten about after everything that had happened that day.

"Oh fuck…" She groaned under her breath, sighing at the realization that her evening had just gotten a whole lot longer than anticipated.

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing really." She sighed again as she returned Snape's inquiring gaze and rested her chin in her hands, elbows propped up on the table. "I just remembered that I still have something to do when I return… home tonight."

"Doesn't look like it will be a pleasant task. Chores?"

"If that's what you wanna call Cas, then sure." Robin laughed, especially when he rolled his eyes in return. "I'm supposed to help her with something, and I don't know if I can. At least not in the way she would like me to."

"You have always been exceptional at keeping me in suspense." He sighed, then took a sip of his coffee and motioned for Robin to go on already. After briefly considering it, she did.

"I said something on the train ride home, about how a well written letter can be a great way to connect with someone if you can't see them for a while. And well… she wants to write to Simon without being cheesy or boring."

"And she wants you to write it for her?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at Robin in doubt. "That would defy the entire purpose of such a letter, wouldn't you say?"

"Obviously it would, and that's why I don't know how to help her! She didn't specifically ask me to write it for her, just to help her in any way I can. Give her some inspiration, or pointers maybe… You got any idea?"

"I'm afraid I have no experience with this kind of matter. Most letters I have written throughout my life were related to my work in both content and form. Don't you have received or written something of a similar kind before?"

"Obviously not! I've only ever written to you, to be honest." Robin shrugged, stirring her coffee with a spell before remembering where she was and quickly taking the teaspoon instead. "But I'm supposed to be the knowledgeable one and help Cas out. It's my job to know better than her."

"That is what I thought about you for a certain amount of time." He mused with a not-smirk. "But I gave up at some point in your third year."

Robin chuckled, sipping her coffee as well, before setting it down with a sigh and a new determination. Without another word, she summoned a piece of paper, a pen, and Cas' book out of her backpack, then placed it on the table in front of her with a thud. "You're helping me with this. If I don't know what I'm doing and you don't either, we better be clueless together."

"I had feared you would suggest that." He sighed dramatically, giving her a teasingly annoyed glance nonetheless. "But I would be a poor excuse of a friend if I let you down in times of despair."

Smiling, Robin pushed the dreaded book closer to him and kept the paper to herself. "Here, look through that for anything useful. Cas loves this book, it's full of sappy teen romance."

"And you would know that because…?"

"She sneakily made me promise to read it, so I did. I had to."

"Of course she did…"

"Now you just sound like Dumbledore."

"Insult me and I'm gone." He drawled in bad neutrality while flipping through the pages, and Robin had to snort. Neither of them seemed to be on good terms with the headmaster today, not after he had put Robin through giving a lecture without even a notice.

"The book really is quite terrible. I got it over with in the first week of the holidays, but I barely made it out alive." She remarked as she brainstormed what she knew about letters, love, Cas and Simon, but her thoughts kept coming back to the book as her only point of reference.

"What is it even about? I cannot tell from the glimpses of bad dialogue thrown at me here."

"Oh, you know… stupid stuff." Robin replied evasively, but even to herself that answer was a poor excuse, if anything. She hadn't written it after all, nor even read it voluntarily. But secretly enjoyed it a little more than she would ever admit. "This eighteen year old girl who falls madly in love with some guy who's new at her school. Ridiculous, really… They don't even know each other all that well, but still hit it off after just a few weeks of unreasonable conflict. It's the least romantic thing ever, they don't even seem to care about each other as much as they care about themselves. They go through all those firsts together, which admittedly is quite adorable, but then they ruin it all again by being so flat and shallow and vain that you just wanna smack them in the head the entire time. If anything, that book is a test of patience."

"Certainly sounds like it, yes… The writing is poor, the plot too as it seems, and the dialogue is an abomination in itself."

"Yeah, you could say that." Robin snorted with a smile.

"Perhaps we should treat it as a negative example for the task at hand then." He suggested. "Tell me, what exactly is bad about the way this is written?"

"Well, the entire thing is just so exaggerated and blown out of proportion... It feels unnatural for people who have known each other such a short time to be quite so over the top with their emotions and declarations." Robin started, and at the same time Snape plucked the pen out of her hand and pulled the papers on the table closer to himself.

"Do go on." He said as Robin stopped speaking to frown at his doings, and then gave her a look that left no room for argument beyond his words.

"Uh, alright… as I said, it's exaggerated, and just too much. Then the author also relies way too much on the use of straight out saying 'I love you', as well as just kissing and making out, to indicate the sentiments between the characters. The emotions should rather be obvious between the lines; if you have to directly say them to be understood, you're doing it wrong. Not that saying it would be bad, I don't mean it like that, it's just… it shouldn't be said just because it needs to be. At least not when they're already in a relationship. Their love should be the driving force of everything that is said, not the direct message itself, and-..." Robin cut herself off before she could start rambling again, and focused on moving on instead. "Then, as I said earlier, they seem to not even know each other. You could switch out any of the names on the pages, and it wouldn't make a difference. They should be playing on what they know and adore about each other, even if it's not much yet. Just… lending a book to someone who loves books will be a much more meaningful gesture than getting them a bouquet of roses, for example. People really shouldn't be afraid to go for the unusual kind of gestures and gifts."

"That makes for a decent list of don'ts already, which is a point to start. So tell me, what would you like to read instead of the negatives you pointed out? You already mentioned a few ideas for improvement, but perhaps you can think of more. Start from the negatives you created, and envision their counterpart."

Robin gave him a partially annoyed, partially desperate look, but he merely quirked an eyebrow and waited for her to continue. Insufferable idiot… but his idea to make her talk on the basis of the stupid book was helping more than anything she had come up with herself. Sighing, Robin gave in. What would a teenager want to hear from their love interest? What would Cas enjoy reading if she already enjoyed the stupid book so much? Damnit… this was difficult. "I don't know… I'm not good at these things, I can't imagine what a teenager would want to read."

"If Cassandra would have wanted to write by the standards of a teenager, she would have asked one of her mutuals. But she asked you, so you might as well advise her from your own perspective."

"Fine…" Robin sighed, and hid the heat on her face behind her coffee cup. What had she enjoyed hearing from Snape, in letters or in conversation? Or rather what would she enjoy? Damnit, she should have allowed herself to dream about this more often. "I think it is of major importance how much you let someone see of yourself. Allowing them to know you better than anyone else, giving them the chance to understand you in a different way by showing them more than just the big picture. Learning about the small and random moments in someone's life just has an entirely different level of intimacy to it than learning about the big things. I mean sure, it's the big events that shape a life, but it's the small things that shape the person and give them their colour. If I had to choose, I would always choose the colour, because it is what makes a person truly who they are, and not just the sum of bad or good things that have happened to them. The sky doesn't need a shape to be beautiful either, but it's the colour that makes one fall in love with it."

For the moment that followed, they both stayed quiet. Robin sipped the remainder of her coffee, and Snape finished writing whatever he was noting down of her words and thoughts. Perhaps she shouldn't have let herself get so deep… perhaps she shouldn't have asked him for help in the first place. But then she would be sitting in her tent by herself tonight, listening to the same old records she had put on every night since taking the player, and drown in sorrows over how little she really knew about love, and about people. No, this was much better indeed. Before long, Snape pushed the piece of paper across the table towards Robin again, and she smiled when she saw the perfectly organized list of things to avoid, and things to do instead. Copying it would probably be the best idea, to send it to Cas in her own handwriting. But Robin was keeping the original for sure.

"I think that should be a decent reference for anyone to write by." He said calmly, and finished the rest of his coffee while leaning back in his chair. "Cassandra would have to make a real effort to mess it up now."

"You should never underestimate Cas' ability to mess things up… Especially the easy ones." Robin grinned at him for a moment, until she managed to tone it down to a sincere smile. "Thank you for your help with this. I think we did pretty well for two people who didn't know any better."

"You shouldn't thank me. It was you who said every single thing that is on this list; I merely wrote it down in an appropriate format."

"And you made me say them in the first place!" Robin objected, almost finding herself as amused as nervous by the fact that the statement was only too true. He was the only reason she knew what truly loving someone felt like, even if it left her no wiser about being loved in return. But she knew that he appreciated her quite a lot, at least. Who else could say that about themselves, huh? In a way, that was a status as exclusive as it could get.

"Perhaps we simply make a good team no matter how impossible the endeavour." He suggested calmly, and gave her a not-smirk that had her melting within seconds.

"We most certainly do."

______________________________

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[worstloki]

What if Loki made scented candles, but like candles with oddly specific scents? I’m not entirely sure where this thought came from but I wanted to share it with you because I figure you’d appreciate it

Because I wanted to, I decided to write on this. You’re welcome.

---

While readying for his attack on New York - a location he had picked due to a very specific landmark that he believed ought to attract the heroes’ attention sooner rather than later- Loki finds himself with a rather large block of free time.

Leaving the SHIELD base with Clint and Selvig had, predictably, but also to his immense disappointment, proven to be an ingeniously efficient way to gain the required research and to amass enough villainous hands to actualise the equipment to open a portal; members of the spying business such as Barton do tend to have useful knowledge on a wonderfully large amount of people, especially of the opposing side, after all. 

Having been touched by the mind stone, Selvig carries out the scientific theory aspects of the wormhole generator without assistance. Hawkeye’s ability to successfully market a sales pitch that should not be appealing in the least (re: “trying to help an alien prince conquer the world, you interested?”, “I’ll owe you one if you can find the time to help build a portal machine to space” and “there’s free food in it for you if you join with no questions asked”) has resulted in enough people contributing to get the work done.

From there everyone began to organise themselves, and Loki had been thoroughly left with nothing to do. Nothing world-saving (or, as everyone else will insist, ‘world-dominating’) at least.

As is often with Loki, his best ideas occur when he is completely and utterly bored. And right then, sitting in the dark sipping on hot chocolate (yes, he had invested in a drink machine. He has employees and just because he may be perceived as such, he is not actually a monster. Not enough to say no to coffee for Barton.) he looked out at the assortment of people scurrying about to get work done, and he realised he was bored. It was nice of Clint to offer him the sweet drink, but he could not spend the next few days occupying himself with cocoa beverages.

Loki knew his physical capabilities were a bit tenuous at the moment and it would be unwise to take part in any activities that would take up too much energy, but sitting on a step in the dark watching his workers buzz about, helping simply because they could, Loki decided they should be rewarded with a token gift at the very least.

Sitting on a step in the dark Loki decided; using the smell of the sickeningly sweet drink to ground him to the present, using the heat of the mug in his palms to warm his hands, tracing the pattern on the painted ceramic to hide the slight tremors in his fingers that hadn’t seemed to be lessening despite having left the company of his extremely kind patrons a full day ago, with the taste of the flavoured milk on his tongue, Loki decided he would gift them each with something of equal value. Something that would calm their anxieties and ground them, give them warmth, and if he could figure out how, he would even get the candles to induce taste.

After a full five minutes combining a creation spell meant for refilling candelabras with one meant to draw on memories to scent the air Loki is able to create the first candle.

It is, in appearance, a regular wax candle; not unlike one expected to be found in a normal Midgardian store. After some thought he adds a casing made of green and black stained glass and places a gold bordered sticker reading “loki”.

When lit Loki knows the candle will not only warm the vicinity more than a single flickering flame ought to, but will also smell of and provide the comfort he felt as he drank the chocolatey beverage, to whomever lights the candle, for as long as the flame burns. The candle will also last a tad bit longer than regular candles and Loki sincerely hopes no one will notice something like that.

Such simple spells of creation should not require much time or effort to make on his part and the candles will provide the perfect personalised gift to thank the people working under him who for whatever reasons seem disinclined to accept monetary payment. It is, in his opinion, the ideal gift as it can be used for decorative or pragmatic purposes and can be theoretically placed anywhere and still induce the calming effect the scent will have.

He begins drafting ideas for memories he believes would be suited for each worker on a notepad he’d purchased on his way from escaping the SHIELD base.

His task force is not too large but considering moments which he would wish to share into each candle, moments which they would enjoy as much as himself, requires some thought. Despite the amount of thought he is putting into what smell different people would find comforting he assures himself that he is gifting these candles out of a sense of duty as it would be dishonourable not to pay the people who are genuinely helping him… for the sake of helping him. They are, after all, his workers, and only a portion of them even required the sceptre. Servitude should be rewarded, even if they refuse to be paid in cash or gold.

Despite not harbouring any care (not even a drop of care, honestly speaking) for the humans around him he spends most of the afternoon brainstorming smells and matching his people to experiences he thinks they would like.

---

After a quick walk around to gauge the rate at which progress is being made, he takes a seat on the side of the room and starts coaxing the first candle into existence. He is annoyed when he feels The Other pulling his attention, but projects himself away anyways as it would be quite rude to ignore. (And is quite mentally agitating to ignore.)

“The Chitauri grow restless.” The Other states.

Not even a hello? Loki thinks bitterly before replying: “Let them go at themselves - I will lead them into glorious battle.”

“Battle?” The Other all but spits, “Against the meagre might of Earth?”

“Glorious, not lengthy”, Loki assures him, wondering if The Other realises he is insulting the very reward Loki had agreed to (bargained for), before deciding that No, The Other wouldn’t recognise an insult if it slapped him across the astral plane. To prove his own point he continues, “…if your force is as formidable as you claim”.

“You question us? You question HIM? He, who put the sceptre in your hand, who gave you ancient knowledge and new purpose when you were cast out, defeated?”

Not at all, Loki thinks, in fact, I did not utter a single question.

Just to see how off-topic he could veer their conversation this time, he decides to reply with the first petty thought that comes to mind.

“I was a king! The rightful king of Asgard! Betrayed!” he yells, as he instead concentrates on the feeling of his feet sinking into white sand and the sharp smells of the salty expanses of water that appear in southern Alfheim during the rainier seasons.

He already decided he is got everything he was going to get out of this conversation, and so he continues creating the candle on Earth, paying only enough mind to keep the conversation going.

“Your ambition is little, born of childish need.” The Other reprimands, “We look beyond the Earth to greater worlds the Tesseract will unveil.”.

“You don't even have the Tesseract yet.” Loki points out, pointedly.

The issue with dividing your conscience is that sometimes you forget the brain to mouth filter needs to be left on.

When The Other moves as if to attack him for his insolence he makes sure to console the six-handed-one’s ego enough to not get him to dig into his brain and cause him pain with his mental capabilities. Limited though The Other’s mind-bending powers are, he would not allow himself to stop it because his flimsy cover of being on the dark side would be blown.

It would also be inconvenient for The Other to realise he was thinking of sandy beaches and only had 34% of himself paying attention to him while the other 66% was thinking about Alf beaches in the monsoon.

The rest of the conversation with The Other was unimportant, and as usual he was dismissed with a sharp pain in his head.

It did not matter. When he returned his full consciousness to himself, he grimaced for only a second before looking down at the unassuming candle laid before him. Its casing was of purple and black stained glass and there was a white label with fancy gold outline and the word “Barton” in black calligraphy.

---

By the time it was morning Loki had finished distributing the candles. He’d made 143 of them; one for everyone in his service, and 2 extras for the men that had broken down into tears and dropped their candles the first time around.

Apparently, though these people had joined him of their own volition, they were still people. Most of them had been driven to a negative lifestyle by their living conditions and society’s discrimination which apparently had no system in place to give hospitality to all who came under their governance and needed assistance.

He found himself wondering if he actually should try to take over this world; the planet is clearly in need of a central governing system to prevent all their internal spats. The fact that they could discriminate within their own species to such extents was shocking, even to Loki: even indecisive enough to contemplate what to wear weeks in advance as he tended to do, it had only taken him going through a few academic papers to come to the opinion of humans as monstrous. Not all of them, of course - only a select few were truly abhorrent, and yet what a select few they were.

No, he thought, even I would not be able to fix this mess without blood, sweat, and tears. Not that he cared for Earth or anyone else in the realm.

---

He lasted as long it took for Clint to say he had a plan before he succumbed and made everyone a spare candle. Just in case.

He would not want Hawkeye to miss the salty tang of air that would soothe his nerves and remind him of the softer sounds in the world when his hearing aids or childhood memories suddenly cropped up to trouble him. He would not want Samson to miss out on the sensation of Asgard’s warm sunlight brushing his skin on a day when his terminal illness sent his chill bone deep. He wouldn’t want to deprive Demerton the smell of grass and the feeling of happiness Loki had felt when he tried to throw a knife onto the target and for the first time it actually landed – not that Demerton needed to know the unimportant details about the self-esteem boost –with his image issues the feeling would be something he needed.

Loki would not want his gifts to go unused simply because one of the foolish mortals managed to break their candle before they got the chance to light it.

“Tell me what you need,” Loki had answered Barton.

As they worked through the plan together, Loki tried not to think about what good gifts he had come up with, and how generous he was to be bestowing not just one, but two of the candles onto each member of his misfit group of helpers. Not altruistically of course: he hoped his workers would gain him the favour of earth through the candles. Somehow.

---

Twenty minutes into being in a glass cage had Loki deciding that it would be wrong of him to simply abandon all who were helping him, especially since he was planning on being defeated. This was fine for himself since he had made the decision to take a role as a villain, but them? Not even one of them had been given a choice when the universe forced them out of their homes or jobs or family. With nothing else to turn to except a life of crime or death, of course they had decided to live. As someone who had once chosen the latter option, he could not simply abandon them.

He sent most of his consciousness to a building across from Stark’s with 72 floors. It was not as tall as Tony’s, but it did not need to be. While monitoring Earth in his preparations for coming to ‘take over’ the realm, he had taken the building for loan when it had been on sale around a year ago.

It had cost a hefty price since it was across The Stark Tower™ and had been built over land that had previously held a building that looked near as old as Odin, but the price was nothing to him. Not after he bought it with Stark’s money (and the billionaire fool had not even noticed since it did not dent his net-worth, not that he was complaining… Stark’s credit cards were useful).

For now, he sat in a glass cage clearly not built for him (they could never have predicted someone as glamourous as himself showing up in time to have built this). But he also stood in an apartment building kilometres away from the Helicarrier.

He walked around using powered gestures to renovate the building. He would leave behind enough for his group to have the choice between villainy and an honest living.

The hours passed and the Loki in the skyscraper (an adequate name for such buildings) had put together the most therapeutic and entertaining of centres; it had candles and spas and facilities for every relaxation method imaginable but combined the space with recreation for all ages with indoor water rides and arcades and laser tag.

The hours passed and the Loki in the glass cage hadn’t required any of his attention at all; he may have spoken to the Black Widow but with 12% of his consciousness holding the conversation he could not be sure his guise of genocidal maniac had held up – he honestly would’ve liked to meet her under different circumstances, but hoped she hadn’t been able to tell he wasn’t completely present when talking with him.

---

After a nice chat where he blatantly revealed to Stark that his plan had been to lose this entire time, Loki attacked New York. The battle, as he had promised The Other, had indeed been glorious and not lengthy, although anyone actually siding with the villains would disagree. Luckily, Loki was not actually siding with the villains and had no qualms about being smug in his victory (no matter what others thought this was).

Before he left the realm in chains, he had been sure to announce to his batch of subjects that each of them had a job available with Ikol Industries anytime. (Barton, Selvig, and the few others which had the mind stone’s influence upon them had of course been excluded from this job offer.).

Most of the people under him had accepted the deal happily. A lot had teared up about it. Some cried shamelessly. Even less had declined, but Loki had not wanted those spies to stick around anyways.

Loki may have ended up fighting the Avengers with a depleted amount of magic, but that did not matter. He had lost. Everything had gone according to plan.

He may have even left some unassuming therapy candles for each of the Avengers to indulge in, courtesy of Ikol Industries. Each in a glass cover with their colours with names in gold over a white label, it was not difficult to imagine the Avengers becoming regular customers and nicely asking if they had more of ‘their’ candles from those that had assisted him in his faux attack. They wouldn’t even be wrong in assuming the candles were theirs. Loki had themed a floor of relax and rec after each of the avengers and the scents they enjoyed were indeed always magically in stock.

As a keeper of secrets it was incredibly easy for him to inexplicably know what scent and sensations would calm their mind if they were ever in need; especially Banner, who would indeed find his special green candle strong enough to silence the Hulk within him. Tony would not find himself waking in the night in distress if he had a candle by his bedside. Steve would find the dull ache in his chest reduced even when he thought of the life he had left behind when he dove into the ice. Natasha would accept her past actions without any inflation of guilt if she lit the candle during her morning stretches. Clint would always know it was not his fault as the salty tang reinvigorated his senses and reminded him that he could not be blamed for a past he could not control and the lives he could not save. Thor’s candle had a green flame and smelt of his rooms on Asgard.

Perhaps their super-secret boy band would question the individualisation of the candles. Perhaps they would notice the candles lasting a tad bit longer than regular candles. Perhaps Stark being unable to read anything on the composition of the candles would be suspicious. Perhaps they would joke about Ikol Industries being ‘Loki’ Industries and would joke about the ridiculously badly thought-out palindrome and the magical voodoo of the candles which had no apparent source location but were never out of stock. Perhaps they would recognise the workers as previous criminals. Perhaps they would realise the decisions that led them to that life had been circumstantial. Perhaps they would follow their suspicions up and Loki would be unable to answer: either locked away in a cell or dead.

But for all the trouble Loki had caused and for those he had brought suffering upon - even if his intentions had been good - his calmest and happiest memories were the least he could leave behind this world to assist in their recovery.

[morsmoon]

hey! i just read your self diagnosis post and i mostly agree that the normalisation of it can be dangerous and disrespectful but i still think that getting an actual diagnosis from a professional is a luxury. i know a few people who have self diagnosed themselves but even less then them were able to get an actual diagnosis later(they were right with their assumptions) also, self diagnosis is a big step into getting an actual diagnosis! but saying/implying that self diagnosis is less worth than an actual diagnosis is kinda classist. i completely agree that the normalisation is harmful but just saying what you said isn’t less harmful

Getting a professional help is a luxury of course but it doesn’t only apply to mental health specialists. Same goes for physical disabilities and so on. But again, I don’t see anyone try to encourage people self diagnose a heart condition etc. 

As I’ve mentioned before, no one ever said that you shouldn’t do your own research in order to help yourself. I’ve been there. Before getting my official diagnosis, I was suspecting I have certain mental disorders FOR YEARS. And I ended up being correct, like the people you mentioned. Again,saying “I think i might have depression so I’ll look more into that instead of ignoring it completely” is totally valid and it makes sense! But making assumptions and actually diagnosing yourself are completely different. 

Self diagnosing yourself means ignoring the underlying causes and factors of a disorder that you might not even be aware of. Not taking account the comorbidity of certain disorders which can have very harmful consequences for an individual (it’s literally proven by scientific research). In fact, misdiagnosing has been more prevelant in the past few years.. Whatever I said in my original post, I didn’t do it because it personally affects me. I have nothing to gain from this.  I literally said that because I’m a future psychologist and I’ve spent years of my life getting educated about this topic so I can help others around me. Self diagnosing can have tremendous negative repercussions for an individual and that’s not my opinion, it’s literally published research by people who have way more knowledge that I do. 

The fact that self diagnosis is in fact a luxury (and trust me I know that from my own experience and struggles) should not lead to the normalization of dangerous practices. Instead of ignoring scientists and experts when they state a fact, we should try to find a common ground to help people who are less fortunate to cope with whatever symptoms cause them significant distress while also not minimalizing and oversimplifying mental health and mental disorders. 

Self diagnosis is not the first step to recovery. Instead, being self aware and actually paying attention to your emotions and behaviors that cause you a degree of emotional and psychological distress is a big step into getting a diagnosis and recovery. I never denied that. This is suggested and  encouraged actually. 

[birdlingstarot]

🌻 Hi, I hope you are well 💖, I was wondering if you could do a reading on whether I am on the right track if I devote myself to what I am most passionate about (music), it is what gives me happiness but I am still nervous, I am afraid of failing in what I love most and not finding happiness again 😞. I am a rather shy person but it is what I am most passionate about 😔, I just want to know that. - Nico🐑 P.S.: Your readings are amazing, you give me super nice and relaxing vibes 💖💕💓

Hello  🌻 Nico🐑!

Thank you so much for your compliment, I’m really happy to hear that. That’s really sweet of you 😭😭. I hope to be of help to you.

A little birdie told me this 🕊

View on you devoting to music.

Dragon

Your passion for music is very high and you could even feel called to pursue it. Music makes a strong impact in your life and helps you reflect upon yourself as well. We believe that you could feel the calling and had been for quite a while now. One of the main indicator is that you feel as though you are being the true you. 

As you go down the path of devoting yourself to music, you would find yourself transforming, improving, becoming more confident and feel truer to yourself. 

However, this does not mean that you will go down a smooth path, similar to any other paths you or others take. In fact, in these moments as you go through hardships, remember to find and look for the beauty of it just like how you are doing now towards music. 

You are strongly guided and protected as you walk down whichever path you choose to. However, there is a strong indication that devoting yourself to music is the preferred path for you to take in this lifetime. 

In addition, you are advised to stay open. This could be in terms of the type of music you would like to make or pursue as well as career paths (related to or not related to music). This could lead you into a path where you might be required to juggle both creating and doing the things you enjoy and are passionate about as well as a job where you are less passionate about but is doing for the financial security.

This should not discourage you in pursuing as you might even be able to have financial security from doing the things that you enjoy, creating the type of music you enjoy. In fact, this reminds you to be especially open to trying other forms of music as you learn and grow. Remember that people can change, preference can change, the things you are passionate about can change (in regards to music creation and/or type of music) as well.

Being open and seeing things as they are, staying and being true to your feelings are something for you to remember. You could be especially prone to being stubborn on sticking to a particular path of music genre when you might not enjoy it as much as you though due to your interest initially. This is to tell you that in that moment, whether you enjoy certain parts of your journey and learning process or not, you must always (at least try) to be true to your own feelings. You can enjoy the music genre and not enjoy the creation process and vice versa. During these times, you might be required to pick one over the other and you should choose based on how you truly feel, whether ou enjoy it or not, and not based on others’ preference for you.

Mouse

The quiet nature of the mouse is an indication that you are hesitant to ask and reach out for help in times of need. You have a knack for noticing tiny details, especially regarding your passion and career, which makes you detail-oriented. 

However, this puts you at risks of an excessive need to control everything and become anxious when things does not go as planned, even if it might be a small hiccup in the process. This puts you into a position where you have a more limited vision of the world and around you as well as making you fearful, especially of the future. 

Added to your quiet nature mentioned above, backed by your current shy personality, it puts both you and the people around you in a poorer position. You have to recognise that it is okay and even encouraged for you to reach out and ask for help from peers, seniors, teachers and mentors, especially so after you had exhausted your plans and strategies as well as that there are people around you that want to help you, however you might had pushed them away or were waiting for you to reach out in case they might step out of line if they were to intervene.

In times when you feel out of control, stressed and overwhelmed, you could very well and easily lose sight of your original goal and intention. This is when you should step back and observe. Taking time out to focus on another or create another passion project for yourself could greatly help in those times to relieve stress, take your mind off the source of great stress for a while and gain back your sense of control which would all in turn help you calm down and be able to better deal with the initial situation.

You might feel in the dark now, as well as at times in the future, but there are many potentials and outcomes for you to discover and take. In the dark, even the smallest light can be seen and only then could they be more obvious then ever, waiting for you to recognise them.

Be open to others and accept others into your comfort zone and into your life. Don’t (always) curl yourself up and approach others especially if you need help. It will be a good experience and learning experience for you as well as others, so don’t worry too much about things and overthink. You cannot be sure of how others perceive things, especially so if you did not ask them or confront them first-hand. 

It’s okay to be careful but don’t let it stop you from cutting off potentially amazing relationships with certain people.

Elaboration on the Mouse. 

3 of Pentacles

This is about teamwork. You would need to work with people as in any other circumstances related to career. This signifies a close bond within a small group of you, likely three, who understand and shares a passion. This could mean being in a band or working closely together with different roles (ranging from songwriters, managers, singers to even starting a small company, such as artist, manager, CEO etc.). 

In your journey of devoting yourself to music, there will be mountains which you can climb by yourself (which could be make easier and/or more enjoyable with the help and support of people, like-minded peers, who you would help and support - remember all relationships should be give and take, as equal as it could possibly be) and those that you can only climb with working together with others. Generally speaking, you will have to learn to work with others in your journey - this is not strictly conformed to people who are passionate about the same, exact thing as you are, but also include those that enjoy music but prefer a more indirect position such as managerial positions, mentors, technical equipment, stage effects, video making to name a few.

This also indicates that you must focus all of your efforts in this journey. Discipline, hard work and strategy are needed in this journey. Be prepared for things that you can be but don’t shy away from things that are unexpected. Just try it, you never know if you might be given another chance and even if you were, you’d never know when it might appear again. Try it while you are young because, as much as it is disagreeable, there is a stigma that you should be more knowledgeable when you become older and people might not be as forgiving if you were to try it when you become older. Of course, this does not mean that everyone you meet will be that way or you should stop trying new things as you grow older, but rather something you should be prepared to face as everyone else in any other career or passion.

If you ever become weary or overwhelmed, rely on others as teamwork and the strength(s) of others could very well be required to conquer the mountain.

VI - The Lovers

This very well indicates that you could find life-long relationship(s) which you could experience the thrills of desire, achieving and not achieving them, while building a solid foundation together, respecting and honouring each other. This is a great joy! A great union!

You could very well find people who you could really trust and be more courageous with. People who you feel very understood by and vice versa. With them, you could very well feel the limitless potential out there and be courageous to explore, together and otherwise. 

This could represent a strong bond of friendship where each of you support and help the other, advice each other. However, a romantic partnership is a strong potential as well. This is likely developed through a mutual love and passion for music. 

[I am getting a vision that you (who has a more feminine energy) are more directly related to performing, such as a singer, while the other (who has a more masculine energy) is watching whether in a recording room, during a hang out together, living together or even in the audience seats. The roles could be reversed as well. The more masculine energy will likely be the one to approach the more feminine energy and the common topic brought up will be music, other than the usual ‘is this what you do?’, ‘how long had you been doing this?’ etc. Music will be a topic commonly brought up and bond over with, especially with asking each others’ opinion on certain music, genre, trying out or listening to new genre or new songs that came out etc. (it will really be a long conversation, they are very interested and very willing to hear you go off about them, your passion and what you do, whether it is your enjoyment, ranting or otherwise). Music could very well be almost always playing to fill the comfortable silence or in the background while both of you converse or do other activities such as cleaning or 🤭.]

No matter the case or nature of the relationship, you and the people involved will feel very satisfied, happy and supported in this relationship. You could very well metaphorically be the ‘sun’ in each others’ lives.

Encouragement for you. Suchlaph - Angel of Verdancy 

Let your roots take hold and let the gaze of Suchlaph fall upon you. With open hands, Suchlaph denies decay and entropy. All is verdant where Suchlaph wanders. It is the season of blossoming.

Nature could really help you in your life, clearing your mind and helping you think through things, gaining new perspective(s). This could be as simple as growing a house plant, taking a nature walk, hiking a hill / mountain to outdoors camping (near the woods / in the woods but remember to take care of your safety, camp with others too, go stargazing alone or with people (friends, family, peers etc.) too!)

You might find your gaze wondering and noticing branches, flowers or seeds more often than not when you are on the your path, they serve as a form of indication that you are on the right path. They could come in different forms, other than the common nature, trees and plants, they could appear in paintings, plays etc. Don’t deliberately seek them out but rather let yourself wonder. 

Another indication you are on the right path is when you pray (a desire for growth, not just in materialistic abundance but for learning, emotional and spiritual abundance) and show appreciation for your experiences (both the more positive ones and the not so positive ones). Remember, not all negative experiences are purely negative, there will always be something to be gained from there and could even be greater than what you could gain from the seemingly more positive ones. Be receptive and appreciative of that. 

This also indicates that you are strongly protected and guided on this nurturing journey of growth in your life. This does not mean a smooth ride and there will still be challenges so be prepared for the thrilling adventure 🤩!

There is something amazing to be gained on this journey / adventure and is very unlikely to be found in other paths. This ‘something’ is strongly connected to your happiness, self-esteem and confidence. You could very well create something(s) amazing as well! Something(s) you can be proud of, no matter what others may say.

Challenge(s) you might face on your journey. 23 - Revenge

[This is by no means to deter you from your path (all paths has their own respectively challenges), but rather something to prepare yourself for, to hopefully be able to better handle them when they come or arrive.]

There will come a time / times when you would experience great grief and/or anger, both emotions could very well fed off and to each other. This could arise from injustice or unfairness such as your work being copied and no justice was served as well as a lack of support and a potential of being berated by close people, from family and friends, especially family. 

There is probably something that people close to you frequently brought up which could very well be along the lines of ‘pursuing music is a ‘future-less’ career / path’ or might even consciously or subconsciously insult your work and/or passion (even the artists you might look up to), sometimes even going as far as to make you feel as though you are being berated by them. 

From these potential situation(s), there will come a time where you will explode in anger or in fear or sadness (becoming depressed). To fight or to continue down the same spiral? This will be the standstill in your life and/or journey where there will be a need for a decision to be made, yet there is seemingly no decision to come about for the ‘fight’. There might not be a decision or you could be willing yourself, consciously or subconsciously, to not see it. 

It is a truth or realty you don’t want to see. 

There might not be even an ‘end’ to this ‘fight’. Know what you are fighting for, know the worth of what you are fighting for, stand your ground. This is what makes you happy. This is what is important to you. 

The decision might not be a happy or desirable one nor would the outcome, but this decision you make would not be something you can avoid forever and will keep coming back to haunt you if you don’t make one. 

Even if there is a fight, it is a losing battle for all parties involved, but there will be a need to, to get points across and whether the other parties hear it, understands it or disregard it. It is a last attempt and at the very least, you can said you’d tried and leave with a potentially lesser amount of regret. 

Sometimes, the ‘fight’ can result in changing of views and compromises which is the better or even the best outcome possible. Sometimes, people need to see the impact of certain things on people at high force to realise it and finally regard it with the respect that they should had portrayed from the start. This could go both ways, you and the opposing party(s). 

Be firm and know what you believe in, especially in yourself. Don’t lose sight of it and end up being a fight where you just insult and degrade the other person. Always remind yourself what you are fighting for.

This could also be representative of the fight for opportunities as well. The career or placement you are interested in could very well be very competitive and at that time, it time for you to step up to the plate, be confident in yourself and perform, to fight for that position. 

An area of improvement would be your confidence. You would need to learn and gain confidence in yourself, your abilities as well as others, those that are supporting and helping you. To not be shy in expressing your interest and passion because that is what people are looking for, after people will become more attracted to you, to help you and support you on your journey. 

In all paths, not everyone will support you and not everyone will actively dissuade you. This is the norm and you should learn to be comfortable in your own skin in this environment. Don’t let what some others say stop you from going after what you want and had worked hard for. Learn to pick out constructive criticism and support from the not so constructive ones. 

All the best in your journey! 😁

Ask us for help if you need or want any, we’re open! 

[P.S. If you had created or ever create something, please let me have a listen! Youtube or other platforms. I’m very interested! 🤩🤩🤩 Also, DMs is open if you ever just want to talk or rant as well.]

We hope this had helped you, 🌻 Nico🐑!

For now, the little birdie shall return home 🏡 ~ Ring our doorbell whenever!

Rest well 💤 ~

[ttenvs3000]

Developing as a nature interpreter:

I care very much about the environment and I believe that I am very ethical when it comes to my abilities in nature interpretation. I would describe myself as a mild influence on others when it comes to nature and my interpretations of it. I like to ease myself into topics of nature with others because I find that people turn away from aggressive conversations and are more likely to do the opposite of what you ask of them. I find it better to gradually teach lessons about nature that I know or enjoy in a softer manner, in hopes of influencing them to learn about nature interpretation and treatment of the environment themselves. Kind of like reverse psychology. No one likes to be told what to do, so much so, that we often do the opposite of what we’re being pressured to do (Pantalon, 2011). This is why I do not force my opinions and interpretations onto others. As I develop my knowledge, skills, and outlook about nature interpretation, I believe that I am gradually becoming wiser in not only my understanding of nature, but how I want to interpret it to others as well. I am learning how to properly communicate, and how to choose various methods of interpreting information to others that is most appropriate in different situations.

The general belief that I have and share with others as a nature interpreter is to continuously share the knowledge I have and gain to others. It is important to remember how human activity progressively affects our environment, as well as the various impacts it influences. There are still many individuals who are either unaware of how severe climate change is becoming, or they may be ignorant towards the idea of it. As an environmental science student, I am well aware of the implication’s climate change will have on our future populations. I can also confidently say that I still have so much more to learn about it. With that being said, it is a gradual process. Taking part in conversations with friends, family members, coworkers, or strangers about how they can interpret what is occurring in nature is important towards spreading the awareness and knowledge that science has presented us. I believe that it is better than nothing, and that it is okay if it takes baby steps. As a nature interpreter, I am willing to interpret my understandings through communication!

This video, created by TED-Ed shows how easily false news is able to spread, especially in today’s societies with rapid communicational advances. This video emphasizes to me, how important it is to share the truth that you know. It is important that we do not let false news take over what we know about nature.

This relates to the responsibilities I have as a developing nature interpreter. It is my responsibility to use my knowledge that I have gained through education to raise and spread awareness. It is also my responsibility to lead by example to show others how I value nature. If you can teach people about a subject that is valuable to sustaining a high standard of life for future societies, then it should be your responsibility to continue teaching as much as you can. Not everyone specializes or takes the time to learn about nature. It may not be a topic of interest to many. With that being said, I believe it is also my responsibility to attempt to make the topic of nature interesting to others.

This is where my role as a nature interpreter comes in. To make the topic of nature interesting to others, it is important to understand the various methods to interpret the subject, or how to interpret to the masses. Many people are much more influenced by media methods like photography, documentaries, and social media posts. This is a personal preference for me, as I find that visual media truly influences an emotional response as I learn. For example, I follow an Instagram account called: get.waste.ed. This account posts photographs and videos to display both wasteful practices and companies, as well as environmentally friendly innovations. This account motivates me to consume sustainably. It also deters me from purchasing certain items, materials, or from specific companies for their wasteful practices.

Here are two screenshots of posts from the get.waste.ed account. Check them out to get inspired!

I have also learned from books, courses, communication, as well as personal experiences. A great book I read during my time in University was called: A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold. This book truly put nature into a perspective I wish I saw on my own. Leopold uses metaphorical language to describe nature that further inspired my appreciation for nature. Maybe for others, visiting a conservation zoo would deliver the message much clearer than seeing a photograph, or reading an entire book. As an individual, I would best interpret my knowledge about nature through photography, the use of social media, and communication.  However, being present with nature or seeing wildlife regardless where they are encountered, I am also inspired and affected. Overall, it is very important to interpret the knowledge you have about nature to others in a way that will peak interest and communicate the messages effectively. It is important to consider what methods were effective for us to interpret the various messages, as well as how we want to interpret them to others. Similar to the two target audiences we had for our podcast assignments, considerations like age groups is necessary to know to be able to choose effective methods.

Moving forward, ask yourself these questions: What sparks your interests? How would you best teach your interpretations about nature to others? Who do you want to influence, and why?

Tatiana

References: Pantalon, M. (2011). Do You Use "Reverse Psychology?" Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-science-influence/201104/do-you-use-reverse-psychology-stop-right-now

[radiqueer]

Rai@Tired | raikamudapon

[link] Tbh the discourse around the term "fujoshi" is just motivated by shaming women for their interests and sexuality, and specifically trying to seem woke by taking Japanese fan girls down a peg.

Yalls need to stop with that orientalism and colonizer attitudes. 

[link] Ok so, One of the biggest differences of how I see Japanese people digesting media and how Americans digest media is the ability to separate oneself from the topic. 

Japanese people are used to living with duality. The culture of Japan is all about honne and tatemae, and while a lot of Americans think of tatemae as situational lying, it's a specific form of communication that adds a buffer of space between people. Sometimes that buffer is helpful and sometimes it isn't but that's not what we're discussing today. 

In the same vein, Japanese fans consume media with that buffer space, and you see the difference in fandom spaces very keenly. For example, Japanese cosplayers don't tend to roleplay. I feel like the community discourages it, especially in public spaces because the idea is that you are not acting as a character or placing yourself in the character, you are borrowing a character to temporarily express yourself. In america you see encouragement of becoming the character and more closely associating with them in a way you don't really see in Japan. With cosplay, a lot of original outfits with characters isn't as widely accepted, and people are encouraged to add warning tags to heavily modified designs or non-cannon outfits. There's often a buffer between self expression and character expression, and Japanese people in general tend to have a clearer cut between fiction and reality. Americans go the opposite direction, and put themselves personally in to their fandoms. Any criticism or portrayal of a character isn't about the character, it's about *them*. 

Bl for many fujyoshi is a way to explore various topics about sex and gender, and have that safety barrier of "this is fiction that has nothing to do with reality". Theres even a famous phrase in bl circles of Japan, which is "BL is fantasy." People arent consuming bl content because they want to it be realistic. With this genre, a lot of American's first exposure to this culture is through groups that carry these Japanese ideas, especially that fiction is not about reality. There's a strong culture in fujyo circles in Japan to keep fujyo media hidden from from minors and uninterested people. 

This isn't because gay adjacent media is shameful and should be hidden, but because aside from keeping 18+ content away from minors, the content is inherently not for the benefit of non-fujyoshi, or people looking for canon content. Bl is a fantasy exploration of pre-established media, an additional step away from reality. And you see this influence in american bl fans as well. Most responsible adults discourage 18 under people from interacting with 18+ content. It is going to be much rarer for 18+ bl content to be presented to minors with no prior warning then for het media or media that explicitly sexually objectifies women. 

 And I think in conversations about this topic is where you see not just misogyny and sexual policing of woman come in, but a lot of conversations and ideas revolve around how "gross" and "strange" and "foreign compared to woke Americans" the entire culture of fujyoshi is. 

Trying to insist that Americans determine what definitions of language around a culture not originating or centered in America and sentiments about bl are "appropriate" is colonizing attitudes. It stems from the belief that the cultural values of the colonizer are inherently superior to another country. And treating the norms of a foreign sub-culture that was not only established in Japan but continues to flourish and be the center of media produced by that subculture as gross or strange is honestly tinged with Orientalism of the "sexual far east". It's hard to say that the image that all fujyoshi are women does not influence these ideas as well. 

So let's delve in to relations between Japan and America for a hot second. Japan and America have a very unique relationship, especially for countries that are separated by the biggest ocean in the world. Without examining the entire history of the two countries, I want to focus on two points that I think shape the way Americans interact with Japanese media. First, America with it's "black ships" was the one to end Japan's Sakoku policy. They forcefully demanded Japan end it's strict regulations concerning interaction with other countries, start trading with various countries, and to open up to western influences. 

This *greatly* changed the structure of Japan, and honestly the unequal treaties and inability of the Tokugawa shogunate to manage their relations with the west lead to the end of 264 years of governance. (The Meiji restoration is exciting, please read about it.) 

The second topic you don't see many people discuss is the occupation of Japan by American(and English) forces from 1945–1952. While a lot of modernization and things that benefited common people occurred during this time, there was also wide spread instances of violence and rape. You still see generational hurt and mistrust in places like Okinawa, Sasebo, and Yokosuka where American navy bases were placed(and still exist today). If you can stomach it, I would recommend looking up statistics and reports, but I warn you the occupation was nasty business for women. 

So what does this all have to do with modern fujyoshi? So in both of these time periods, prostitutes and courtesans were an essential part of political interactions. Many Americans gained their stereotypes about Japanese women through these encounters. Specifically these interactions were sexual or tinged with the sexual availability of these women, and looking at the increased rapes during the occupation once American GI focused brothels were abolished, you can see how this lens shaped Americans opinions of Japanese women. The story of madame butterfly is only unusual in that it gives the woman in it any agency in their interaction with american men. 

So with this in mind, I think it's easy to see where a lot of stereotypes, specifically sexual stereotypes about Japan and Japanese women come from. America is used to looking at Japan as "the weird strange place of loose morals and loose women of strange sexual proclivities." This is shown how strong the influence of Japanese women as "geisha girls" is to this day, and it tints any conversation of about women and sexuality in Japan. 

In modern day, you can see this carry over in to how people look at Japanese idols and women in anime. I would even say that it's evolved to infantilize Japanese women and the view of how Japanese women are expected to behave. A lot of other people have written literature and reading about fujyoshi and how it relates to the sexual liberation of women(without necessarily involving men or gay men) so I won't go in to that here, but there will be links at the end of the thread. 

What I want to talk about is how historically America is used to putting itself front and center about any topic about the culture of Japan, and how the views Americans have about morality is considered to be "better" and more "woke"... even without context or how those sentiments shape the ideas of foreign people and foreign based media. But we also have to address how Americans have a huge problem with not being the expert voice in any conversation. 

Over the last week, a significant number of Americans have been extremely comfortable in putting the power to decide what Japanese words mean and what Japanese sub-cultures are in their own hands, sometimes even attempting to remove my Japanese voice and background from me in an effort to center their own opinions. And honestly this isn't anything new. Americans are so comfortable with thinking of Asian voices as less influential then their own, that it doesn't stop people from thinking they are the experts about a topic that *does not come from their culture*. You see it with food, you see it with fashion, you see it with everything from equating Asians to *white lite* to assuming that Asians don't exist as mixed people but simply as a monolith. 

There are so many people who were comfortable with placing themselves as experts in a sub-culture of Japanese origin that they knew nothing about, simply because they assumed it corresponded with one aspect of themselves. And it is hard to say that the confidence that these people placed themselves and their ignorance in the middle of the topic did not stem from Americans feeling of ownership over everything they enjoy. 

The people supporting these people may have thought they were being good allies by blindly supporting them, but I saw very few people bothering to further their knowledge past the loose collection of stereotypes and horror stories I saw from the internet. Some of these feelings of superiority probably stem from the fact that these people assumed that all fujyoshi or bl content consumers are women. Misogyny isn't just the expression of hate towards women, but also the idea that non-women inherently have a more valuable opinion then woman, or that women's ideas are inherently less valuable then anyone elses. 

I saw a lot of misogyny this week, both internal and external. There was hate from many people, for the idea that people they assumed women were thriving in a sub-culture that does not involve real gay men. I saw people who could not imagine that men were not at the center of a subculture created and supported by both women and queer people. I even saw examples of women bringing up their experiences as a gender they do not identify with in order to raise their voice against other assumed women. But the voices that attempted to de-legitimize assumed women grew even louder once they were speaking against Asian people, because there is an inherent assumption that their views are qualified, their opinions more valid, their morals better. 

And honestly, this isn't just an issue with white and eurocentrific supremacy, this is an issue of American supremacy. 

 And that is certainly something we need to talk about.

link: thread by @futekiya

link: thread by @dionysiaca

link: thread by @raikamudapon

please consider donating to @raikamudapon’s ko-fi

[reformatting mine]

[spiritleak]

Narcissists & gaslighting, Jezebel Spirits, journey to abuse healing

Psychologists state that a narcissist is someone who has covered his true self-expression in response to mental injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self. This other self often comes across as above others, self-centred, self-absorbed, and highly conceited.

Many of them also use gaslighting as a way to make many people around them more vulnerable to their attacks.

Gaslighting is a form of peristent manipulation and constant indirect brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt himself, his opinions and side of the stoy. The goal is to ultimately lose one’s own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. A gaslighter’s statements and accusations are often based on deliberate falsehoods and calculated marginalization. The term gaslighting is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.

Many narcissists are gaslighters but it's not necessary to always coexist 100% . Someone could have antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy) and use gaslighting to manipulate, for instance.

Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to project false, idealized images of themselves to the world, in order to hide their inner insecurities. Many narcissists like to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally. The underlying message of this display is: “I’m better than you!” or “Look at how special I am — I’m worthy of everyone’s love, admiration, and acceptance!”

Both narcissists and gaslighters have a desire to make decisions for others to suit their own benefit. Narcissists may use their romantic family members, friends, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover-up weaknesses and shortcomings. Narcissists are also fond of using blame, guilt and victimhood as manipulative means.

Gaslighters conduct psychological manipulation toward individuals and groups through persistent distortion of the truth, with the intention of causing their victims to question themselves and feel less confident. In personal and professional environments, they manipulate by telling others how they should think, feel, and behave under the gaslighter’s unreasonable restrictions. They often become judgemental, angry, intimidating, and hostile toward those who fail to bow down to their directives. Gaslighter manipulation is often highly aggressive, with punitive measures (tangible or psychological) executed toward those who fail to recognize and obey their self-perceived authority.

Jezebel spirits - the spiritual side of manipulative people

How can you tell if a Jezebel spirit is affecting your actions or using someone close to you?

In her book, “Jezebel’s Puppets” Jennifer LeClaire describes Jezebel as: “A wicked spirit that has roamed the earth for thousands of years seeking someone to entice into sin, Jezebel is more than a spirit of control and manipulation that many make it out to be.  Jezebel is a spirit of seduction that works to woo people into immorality and idolatry….”

People influenced by a spirit of Jezebel have fear issues of rejection. They control others so that they will not be hurt. Generally, there is a history of trauma or abuse. They are not accountable to anyone and often accuse others of being a Jezebel. A Jezebel never forgets when they are wronged because they struggle to forgive others. Therefore, he/she will not be at peace until they find revenge, even if it takes years to achieve. Jezebels do not forgive nor forget. Such a person is capable of killing you emotionally or destroying your life. In the bible, such was the case with the Pharisees, they found Jesus teachings offensive and very hurtful to them and they eventually sort to kill and destroy Jesus.Those under Jezebel in position whether in the workplace, ministry or family dynamics; will tend to fear him/her because when a Jezebel is in power, he/she has an authoritative and threatening demeanour. He/she will cunningly make you believe that you need him/her and you’re nothing without their help. A Jezebel spirit is never wrong, unless it is a temporary admittance of guilt to gain favor with someone, make them feel empathy and confuse them. To accept actual responsibility would violate the core of insecurity and pride from which it operates. When a Jezebel apologizes it is never in true repentance or acknowledgment of wrongdoing. It’s unbelievably painful when it’s a member of your own family. People have a hard time believing anyone could be so cruel. It’s life shattering to come to grips with this as reality

No matter what someone’s religious and spiritual views are, I believe we all agree that it is important to heal. To heal from emotionally draining people and situations and eventually get out.  Heal from the self doubt and self hate we are being put through when dealing with such a person. Gain our lost confidence back and realize that they are the problem, not us.

How will that healing take place?

Try to get educated on the topic. Watch Youtube videos and read about such behaviors. Knowledge is your biggest weapon against manipulation and hurt. Understand that they are not who they show they are and also realize what they want from you. 

Begin to notice that self-care is something you need to participate in consistently. Not sorely because you are healing from emotional abuse, but because healthy people, in general, understand the importance of putting on their oxygen mask before they can help others.Life can be stressful enough without the added obstacle of toxic abuse. It only stands to reason that if your goal is narcissistic abuse recovery, your body and mind require extreme self-care. This might include reducing social engagements, staying off of the internet, saying “no” to friends and family, taking a nap when you feel exhausted, and making time to do meditations.You resist the urge to make excuses as to why you can’t take care of yourself, realizing that even single mothers can work self-care into their schedules.  If you are a single mother, you deliberately get a babysitter on occasion to take yourself out. Do guided meditations, treat yourself with spending time doing what you love, listen to relaxing music. One step at a time. You are worth this.

No longer obsess about the narcissist with their new supply or the fact that they seem so happy because you can come to understand that the narcissist is destined to repeat the same cycle of abuse with anyone they are with at any given time. There is an African, humanist philosophy called Ubuntu. At its most basic, it states that:  ‘A person is a person through other people’. Who you choose to associate with will have an influence on who you are. This means that surrounding yourself with narcissists, manipulators, and abusers will lead to deep unhappiness.

WIsh you luck on your beautiful journey!

[bombtimer]

On pseudo-public participation

Looking at my friends’ blogs, they have been already communicating their ideas based on their forte, along with sharing their personal stories. They are so academically eloquent and interestingly, they still have an individual touch that sheds new light on that matter. Sadly, I have difficulty to transform an academic perspective into a personal one; writing academically is fine by me since fewer emotions are involved. This is exacerbated by the pre-successful idea to launch a blog once discussed with my friends back in the Lab (LOL). Or another piece that I wrote for a nascent website which stopped producing contents ever since, which in turn traumatises me even more. Yet, as many academia that I follow mostly on Twitter do, I think it is essential to mainstream a perhaps-too-theoretical idea, not only to further the knowledge but also to contribute to, however cringey it probably sounds, the societal progress. 

Alright, enough reminiscing. Now let us proceed to the serious part. 

In this piece, I want to elaborate on my personal view regarding my dissertation, which revolves around the concept of public participation in the digital era. A theoretical framework will be presented, followed by the context of Jakarta, Indonesia as the place where my dissertation takes place upon. Several major arguments will be presented and summarised at the end, which therefore closes this writing. 

[Disclaimer: I do not give the bibliography therefore this piece might be deemed a personal opinion. I really should have drafted the article version of my dissertation hence it will be deemed ‘original’ in the academic setting. However, I am still working on it hence, sadly, the arguments will be limited. The ‘censored’ part is really open for discussion; over dinner or evening cafe session, perhaps?]

Putting public participation in the current smart city discourse

Public participation is naturally the simplest measure of how a citizen can express their political rights, exemplifying the bottom-up approach in the decision-making process. Arguably, the extent to which public participation is designed has been widely elaborated; from Sherry Arnstein’s seminal work of ‘ladder of participation’ to the latest suggestion of how participatory practices should be designed. The pertinent examples include public hearings, consultations, and the advisory committee. Furthermore, these extensive literature have noted the success and setbacks of public participatory designs across the world; whether the practices are more deliberative or not, and the challenges that are still adamantly present through decades; which include the difference in resources to commit to the whole policymaking process i.e. time, travel cost, income, and family structure.

As the digital era is also transforming participatory practices, the notion of public participation seems to be evolving by using map-based software in the decision-making. Many studies exhibit Public Participation Geographic Information System (PPGIS) or similar terms i.e. Collaboratively Contributed GIS (CCGIS) and Volunteered Geographic Information (VGI) as the way of integrating participatory mapping into policy-making. While PPGIS and CCGIS put the citizen with the decision-makers at the same table and at the same time, in VGI perspective the citizens are positioned as the living sensors which ‘capture’ and ‘emit’ both information and its coordinates to the other end where the data are then stored, structured, and analysed further. Indeed, the latter practice puts citizenship in the lowest ladder of participation, both in the traditional definition or in the most recent one. On the one hand, citizens as sensors provide invaluable contents for specific mapping—both aims and spatial resolution. The practice is also important during an emergency, like forest fire mapping, for example. Furthermore, VGI is argued to limit power relation influencing the participatory process, which is often present in face-to-face meetings and forums. On the other hand, as crowdsourcing data reflects the urban inter-referencing effects of smart city initiatives, some argue for its self-congratulatory nature i.e. to achieve a city’s success based on self-deliberated KPI metrics—rather than being truly adapted to the local context. 

Summing up, some question of the quality of VGI to be put on the table while some signify its benefits in more practical understanding. At this point, the choice is between scrutinising the use of VGI as a means to an end in public participation context; whether it is politically correct or not, or rather, devising the analytical framework to gain some insights from the crowdsourced data. Choosing to further the latter, the case of Jakarta, Indonesia will be elaborated.

Jakarta in a nutshell

Being one of the most densely populated metropolitans in the Global South, Jakarta has been storing potentials of becoming an abundant source of crowdsourced data with its approximately 10 million population. There have been some initiatives that use Twitter users to inform which area has been flooded or mobile app that crowdsources reports from the users regarding their surroundings. Some studies even recognise the success (if not the measurement of it) of these organic platforms in collecting public concern to be inputted to decision-making. With many challenges that this metropolis faces periodically i.e. traffic jam, flood, or waste disposal, the various applications which identify those problems define their significance.

Premise 1: Quantitative analysis actually speaks

From what I have learnt for one year, quantitative analysis sounds more when you present the assumptions in the beginning. Basically, there might be data transformation i.e. log-log transformation, winsorization, etc. (such a statistics nerd, sorry) if needed, but the most important thing is answering “What does your data represent?”. There is also spatial analysis, where the geographical attributes are taken into account. The intersection between these schools of thought, in my opinion, complements each other’s limitation. The classic example, of course, would be the Ordinary Least Square Regression vis-a-vis Geographically Weighted Regression. There might be a new insight emerged once you delve into the spatial features of the data.

For the case of public participation, I blatantly used the number of Qlue Indonesia reports in 6 months as somewhat representative of public participation. Qlue Indonesia itself is a company that built a smartphone-based application to report a problem e.g. waste being uncollected, damaged roads, and broken public facilities. For each report, a user will have to take a photo, give the location coordinates, and fill up some fields to elaborate on the problems. 

Yes, I know. There might be biases there; literature defines crowdsourcing to be not giving the whole democratic or rights to the citizens. Or in other words, crowdsourcing is not anywhere near participating in policy-making. Yet, my argument would be that now is the time to use whatever data we have in hand to try modelling our complex world. From this application, I get enough data (n ~ 50,000) for six months to analyse. Then again, every user in crowdsourcing platforms generates their own data, which somehow they participate in defining the problems; an initial yet important step in designing pertinent public policy. 

Once you started the quantitative analysis, it should be kept in mind that the result is not the most accurate of a predictive model. We are not chasing the perfection of such tools, but rather use the model to better elaborate our standpoint. Some say that modelling uncertainty of our model is way a better perspective, as we acknowledge all the assumptions and limitations of our work. After all, measuring public participation has been in a qualitative manner all these decades; we should take a very cautious design in analysing it from a quantitative perspective.

Premise 2: The biases, still?

Speaking about the biases, one must remember that the quintessence of public participation should be the representation. The ideal condition is where everyone has a say to be taken into account, let’s say in the development of social housings in a particular area. However, it is difficult to define 'everyone'. Should it be all city inhabitants? Or rather, should it be based on administrative boundaries? After all, one will say that it is the people of the surrounding project area has 'more' rights to allow such development impacting their daily life for some time.

The thing is, not many people have similar interests over a topic. People have ranging understanding an interests towards their environment, or what Steven Johnson and others called 'vantage points', a condition where people become more selective in processing information and developing knowledge. For example, people in a city-scale will resist the development of a nuclear plant, while if new waste disposal area is to be developed in a Subdistrict X, only people living in Subdistrict X will respond to such plan. Another example recognises the topic. One would be interested in the topic of municipal budgeting, while the other one is just into advocating better public transport. Some might collaborate and thoroughly inspect the budget for developing new bus route, but all should agree that there are people that do not have similar interest, nor the required knowledge to act on those things.

Note: This picture depicts that the female user count as a regression variable is highly significant only in the yellow area

This leads to the socio-economic and demographic features of society. As people come from different backgrounds and upbringings, their vantage point is shaped and changing over time. Such dynamics also generate a condition where priority has to be selected in the first place. For example, if all happens at the same time, a mother would tend to her children rather than attending a forum of new school zoning policy. Or, underprivileged people will think about travel cost twice if they want to attend the public hearing, compared to those who prefer voicing their concerns directly. In the cultural perspective, there would be many examples that there are certain dynamics, which cover body language and political stance, that may hinder the effective design of public participation. This includes that the elders may be more respected than other tribe members, which may be highly influential when a decision is about to be made.

To be more contextual, the current digital era has transformed public participation designs into more technology-aided platforms. Yet, the classic issue of the use of technology is the digital divide. One might argue that the reasons for people having access to technology are congruent to those of people participating in policy-making. Though it should be confirmed first, to some extent, current utilisation of technology might exacerbate the representativeness issue in participatory practices. People who do not have access to municipal reporting platform on their phone, due to incompatible phone for the app or lack of information on the existence of the app, just simply will not contribute in tagging any problem through the app.

Indeed, the biases in current practices of participatory designs are mostly caused by the converging representation of divergent society. These opaque layers need to be carefully addressed to generate a public policy, which one may assume its equity towards all.

Premise 3: Local knowledge, unravelled

While putting the citizens as the living sensors, one must contextualise the information within its spatial attributes and to the extent of additional information in each report. The latter implies the comment from each user. Several methods suggest text mining, which may result in sentiment analysis. Other technique may group the records based on several keywords into several topics. By this premise, first, we should list every word within the context that might be deemed positive and negative in value. Then, compare every word from the comment, iterate the value, and let the statistics define the results. The challenge would be using the pertinent library and tool packages (hello, machine learning) in the local language i.e. Indonesian and its informal words, which sometimes may be lacking. 

Combining this result with its spatial attributes will further the analysis, even possibly add into the debate of generalisation in geodemographics vs. the highly-granular big data. While several socio-economic indicators are not in high resolution, this coerces the analysis based on the administrative boundary. If the result is later presented to the decision-makers, the delivery of follow-up services will sometimes be blind by this geographical entity, which might be really disadvantageous in an emergency. But indeed, all of this made-up condition works if there is only one channel that is used for the citizens to report something.

Investigating how the public engages in decision-making needs to address the fact that there are multiple ways for one to notify the government about an incident. We talk about informal channels which might be different from a city to another, such as collective action in doing something, local governments in a village, or else. A multi-level, multi-approach set of analysis will prove that indeed there is a complexity in decision-making, even in its earliest step: answering “Is there any problem that we should respond to?”

And...

I know I tried really hard to deliver my thoughts on this matter. This piece only delves into several superficial entities of public participation, which might be flawed by thinking that the number of reports in a certain geographical unit equals to the level of public participation. Yet I argue that using the seemingly-superfluous information, indeed we can gain necessary information in identifying problems that occur around us. We can use different quantitative and spatial tools, along with addressing the biases of public participation which hopefully leads to the unravelling of the local knowledge. Some would be optimistic in using the tools and how-to aforementioned, particularly referring to the fact that data is all around us. However, I humbly suggest that we should look at the bigger picture, starting by identifying how to analyse our own society across the ladder of participation, one of the generalisations of the public that I personally like. By acknowledging the complexity, at least we progress in how to include ourselves in the decision-making process. 

[lkmrn]

De-Colonize Your Life: How to Identify and Dismantle White Supremacist Patriarchy

I found the event on Facebook. It sounded like something he would talk about. I don’t know if he’s actually go to it. They. They didn’t share much of that part of their life with me. Neither the pronouns. I’m guessing, based on what I gathered from their profile after I I friended them. A new identity, sense of self, completely disconnected from me but nonetheless running parallel to mine. I thought as much, although I’m still cautiously unraveling the gender binary in order to include identity beyond gender. I still have room to grow. No one else I know is going to this. Practically no one has committed to attending to begin with. There are about 200 people invited and 100 (including myself) expressing interest in going, and 7 people confirmed attending. How many of those seven were involved in organizing and promoting the event? I wonder if they feel the same disappointment I would feel over that turnout, if I would even be able to get seven people to show up and talk with me. I wonder, ashamed, if this energizes them, if they’re pumped about sharing their knowledge with those seven, soon to be eight with myself included. I’m the rest of this bus ride and two metro rail lines away from getting to the east side of Los Angeles. It takes over two hours to get to Mariachi Plaza, the station I’ll end up in order to walk the rest of the way. I feel guilty because I don’t do these things very often when I know I should. It’s just the commute. It takes so long to get downtown from the valley, but I don’t want to risk the potential financial ruin of taking my car and having something break down again. I wonder how other people do these commutes. I’ve already gotten used to reading on the bus, but food is a big concern for me. Do other people pack a meal? What do they pack? What’s a good meal that doesn’t need to be heated up or kept cold, that you can eat sitting on the bus bench or standing up because the seats are all taken, or sitting on the ground waiting for the gold line train? Maybe just fruit and carrots. Sometimes they have food at these community events. But they ask for a donation, or they just go ahead and charge. And I don’t have cash on me. I’m still worrying about finding a second job starting this coming month so I don’t have to dip into my savings again in order to cover rent. It’s been months, and I’ve been teaching group piano and voice classes two days a week. I make $400 a month. My rent is $650. I feel bad for feeling bad about how I’m struggling. I went to art school, almost $40,000 a year, on my parents dime. No scholarships, no financial aid, no honors or awards from my high school telling my college that they needed me there, that my name, my talent would put them on the map. My senior year, I started seeing posters going up about students whose parents paid for their spot there. I wondered if that included me, shutting out some prodigy’s dreams of becoming the next Michael Pisaro because they couldn’t scrape together the tuition. I still don’t know if I’m that person. I don’t know who I am. The bus drops us off at the North Hollywood Station. I put my bookmark in its new place in my book, gather up my backpack, and walk down the steps from the back exit. Some people yell thanks up to the driver. I always wanted to do that, but I felt weird doing it, like I need to be a regular in order to gain that level of cordiality. Anyway, the moment’s passed. People complain a lot about the red line. People from the professional and working classes alike whisper their uneasiness, a lot of words like unsafe, crazy, homeless, dirty being thrown around. From my rose-colored glasses, there’s nothing much wrong. It’d be nice if more people chose to take the buses and trains, instead of clogging up the freeways, and maybe Metro would expand its services so my commute times would get cut. So I could see my friends in Burbank without having to call a Lyft home or risk driving my car. Every now and then, I think I’d like to see the bus pass my stop because it’s operating at full capacity, instead of the rides when I’m leaving the bus empty well before it’s final stop. I lose access to data when I go downstairs to wait for the train. It’ll be at least another year before they somehow open up internet access in the underground stations. No noticeable construction necessary. It makes you wonder why they took so long to get it done in the first place. Anyway, I’m not as bothered by the inconvenience as the commuters sitting at the top of the steps. I have my book. I picked up this book about white supremacist patriarchy permeating supposedly feminist pop music. It’s really interesting reading a philosopher’s take on music I’ve been listening to for years, even if it’s critical. I got the suggestion from one of my professors. Not from him personally, but from his Facebook post. I’m trying to open myself up to ideas and opinions that aren’t my own, gravitating toward topics that I’m already interested in. Hence this workshop, a series of what will most likely be a combination of lecture and discussion, in order to activate my sense of responsibility to disadvantaged communities around me. I hope that I’ll be given a role in their movement, something small that allows me to support them. I’m getting excited as I draw a little bit closer and closer, an anxiety that tangles fear with future potential elation. I’m starting to feel hungry, but you can’t eat on the subway. It’ll have to wait until I get to Union Station. As the time passes, I start drinking more water, clearing my throat. There’s a funny feeling creeping up in the back of it. I hate when this happens. I go off schedule with these excursions, and my body starts attacking itself. Or maybe the subway actually is germ-infested, and my refusal to appease my body by eating dinner at that moment has allowed a virus to break through my immune system’s defenses. I’m on course for an incredibly annoying sinus infection that will last close to three weeks. But in the moment, I don’t care so much. I think my body can handle anything. I need to switch from the red line to the gold line at Union Station. As soon as I get off the subway, I can smell that deceptively irresistible scent of warm pretzels from Wetzel’s, and my body begs me to stop at the very strategically placed stand to the left of the top of the final staircase to the main part of the station. But my financial worries force me past down the corridor to reach the stairs leading up outside to the gold line station. I check Facebook again when I get there. No new attendees, definitely not Fernando. I go ahead and confirm my attendance, considering I’m more than halfway there anyway. A thought starts planting itself into my head, that somehow Fernando will see this, and he (they) will think more of me. That my interest in their interests wasn’t passing or manipulative. I let that scenario play out while I’m waiting, distracting me from the book I hold open, leaving me on the same page for the entire 20 minutes. My focus returns on the train. Of course they won’t notice. Even if they did, it wouldn’t change their opinion of me. Because I’m not sure if the dissolution of our friendship was ultimately because of me. But that’s a one-sided conversation that still to this day has not ended. I make it to Mariachi Plaza, and for a few minutes, genuine elation takes over any anxiety. I feel genuinely happy to be here, seeing kids skateboarding around the open area in front of the steps of the station, the older folks sitting on benches conversing in their native tongues. It’s a home that isn’t my own, but it feels open and welcoming nevertheless. That thought makes me feel a little guilty, and the anxiety returns. I’m a white person feeling at home where quite a few other white people had previously felt at home, had in fact purchased homes somehow with their seemingly endless supply of income. You see, the millennials who don’t buy avocado toast are the ones gentrifying low income neighborhoods. I’m not one of them. I don’t want to be one of them. I look up directions to the place where the meeting will be held. It’s about a 20 minute walk. I have about thirty minutes until we’re supposed to start, so I try to walk a little slower. I tend to show up early to things, but for this I want to be right on time. I just want to find a seat in the back and take everything in. I don’t wanna make a spectacle of myself, prostrating myself to the organizers, telling them how invested I am in improving myself and how much I care about their cause. How much I am on their side. No, it’s best to show humility. This isn’t about me. I’m there to observe and support. I show up 5 minutes early. I sneak a glance inside as I walk past the door, not breaking my pace. There are a few people inside, sitting around two large white plastic tables pushed together. I start getting nervous again. I decide to walk a little ways down, then head back. Just until the workshop is supposed to start. But I’m afraid this is one of those things that doesn’t start on time. I wish I’d had friends who were into this sort of thing. Then it wouldn’t be so hard to go. I’d have someone to talk to about interesting things, to help make introductions to other attendees. Time’s up. I head inside and sit down in the first chair I can find. A few more of the seats have filled up, but the room is still pretty empty. The organizers started passing out paper and containers of markers. Some of the participants start doodling while a few others work up the courage to say a few words to each other in between excruciatingly silent pauses. No one is talking to me, so I pull out a pen and my planner, and I dive into my future laid out on the pages. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice someone walk in. I don’t lift my head up, out of fear that might draw attention to myself. They sit a couple seats down from me, and again out of the corner of my eye, I notice a familiar figure. I know him from school. Relief washes over me, surprising myself. I call over to him and start in on a conversation. I don’t remember what we talked about. We probably tried to catch each other up on how we were surviving post-grad life. I was focused more on having a friend I could share this with. We started about 10 or 15 minutes late because the organizers were waiting for the last of their own to show up. I don’t remember what he said, but he was charismatic and impassioned. More people showed up as the night went on, probably regulars. They talked a lot, about their own experiences in the neighborhood, fighting against displacement, struggling to support themselves through school. They threw a lot of curses as whiteness, at the patriarchy, at capitalism, which I self-righteously agreed with. Then a guy in the back, dressed in militaristic uniform, began expanding on the destruction of capitalism, namedropping Marx and more contemporary communist ideologues. That was when I started checking out. I’d heard enough white men elaborating on the benefits of a classless system, the need for the oppressed to rise up against the bourgeoisie. Not that I didn’t sympathize with the message; I was tired of the messengers. Anyway, the meeting ended, and although I didn’t feel as though part of a revolution, I felt part of a new community. I was overcome by excitement, anxious elation, and I couldn’t wait to get started. I imagined walking back to Mariachi Plaza with my friend from school, starting what would be a series of revolutionary discussions. He was making his way up to the organizers, so I figured I’d wait for him outside. We hadn’t talked about afterward, but I figured it was a nice gesture. 5 minutes passed. He was helping them put up chairs. I kept sneaking glances back inside. At this point, I wondered if it was more awkward to continue waiting around for him outside, or if I should go inside at this point and draw attention to myself. I chose neither. I started walking back alone. I had no idea if he was taking public transit anyway. It was a stupid idea. Me, once again, imposing myself on others in order to feel better about myself. The white savior, white activist. Maybe he would think I’m rude for leaving without even saying goodbye. Maybe that’s who I am.