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bunni-v1 · 3 months ago

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please I beg you,, some burning spice cookie x reader headcanons... 🥺💖

i love thinking about how the first time they met, burning spice tells reader that if they choose to follow him, they shouldn't expect him to save them if something bad happens.

but oh boy, what do you know! reader is caught in a bad situation and all they can think about is burning spice's words and they just... accept their fate.

... except... nothing bad happens to them. burning spice managed to block the danger with his axe and his arm protectively wrapped around reader 🤧💖✨️💕💕

🍓Hello Mutual. Ahodhwhdo, sorry that was so creepy, but I see you in my notes all the time and I've never actually interacted with you so lmaoooo. You're so right, btw, this is an exact situation that 100% happens. You can trust me, I was his left eyebrow. Only issue with this is we have like zero content to work off for him and Mystic Flower, like... devsis we can see who the favorite child is. Only sfw, because you didn't ask for nsfw and I don't wanna make anyone uncomfy <3

Tw: Aggressive affection; "Neglectful" behaviors; He's kinda toxic but it's hot (don't romanticize abuse irl please); a little suggestive like once or twice lol; grammar errors

Info: Buring Spice x Reader; Fluff & Angst; Sfw

-Burning Spice might be one of the most difficult cookies to be with, and this is coming from a Shadow Milk fan. He's just so impatient and so insatiable, it's not something a regular cookie could deal with easily.

-Before his corruption he was worshipped like a god, and he most certainly commanded respect from his followers. He likely didn't see any cookie worthy of his time, at least not romantically. Not to say he hasn't had flings or anything, cause I'm a firm believer that he did, but they weren't serious. If anything, they were all physical and for fun rather than anything serious.

-This attitude only gets worse post-corruption. Nothing is worth his attention, nothing is interesting enough, and he doesn't even try to engage anyone anymore they just won't do anything for him. All he wants is his souljam, and in the meantime, he'll destroy and crush whatever gets in his way.

-You are a member of the Wild Spices, a weak one at that. There was no reason for you to catch his eye, especially with how lackluster you were. No flashy moves, no impressive strength, actually you were bullied and picked on quite a bit by the others. No, there was nothing skin-deep special about you.

-What seemed to pique his interest was your spunk. No matter how many times you got knocked on your ass, you popped back up ready to go again. Not to mention that fiery determination and the mouth you had. In a sea of boring soldiers who worshiped the very ground he walked on, you were something special.

-Who else but you would mouth off to him, hm? You know better than anyone it's not a fight worth picking, but you still do. And in terms of wit and wordplay, you wipe the floor with his ass. He doesn't usually lose, but he did this time, because he can't keep up with that quick tongue of yours.

-What's really shocking to everyone is that he allows you to talk to him like that. He doesn't punish you for your disrespect, he just... allows you to do what you want. It would be so funny to see such a big guy be poked at if it weren't him.

-Your friends are worried for you because while they pick on you, they're not destruction incarnate. They can't crush you in one blow if they like, you can at least put up a fight with them. They advise you to stop while you're ahead, but you don't.

-You keep going, and Burning Spice just allows you to do whatever you like. It's increasingly obvious that he's got a soft spot for you, and it only makes your friends worry more. You don't want his attention on you, because once he grows bored, you're done for.

-It's likely that you're not even aware of what's going on. You probably find him mildly annoying because he's usually the one provoking reactions out of you. You do notice that you've been lifted in the ranks a lot since he started though. To the point that you went from never seeing him, to seeing him for hours at a time every day.

-He likes that sort of innocent naivety about you. You're funny, you're cute, you're his. Poor you, you have no idea the scariest guy alive has long since staked his claim on you.

-The other Wild Spices stop picking on you, any fights you might have to get significantly easier for you, and cookies seem to look at you with fear and respect. It's weird, and even you're aware that it's not earned at all.

-You're really oblivious as to why this is happening, but eventually, Burning Spice summons you to his presence. Alone. Really, you think he's going to finally crumble you for your mouth like your friends say... but he doesn't.

-"Shall we stop playing these games, they bore me."

"Games...? I wouldn't play games with a cookie like you."

"Just admit your feelings for me, I won't deny you."

"...what..."

-You kind of stand there like an idiot for a long while, just staring at him. You're going through the past few weeks, and suddenly it all makes sense. And like an idiot, you shout, "You like me?"

-Yes, he does, and he's not shy about that fact. Why are you so shy about it. However, he does like the way your dough heats at the realization.

-Things escalate rather quickly from that point on. You go from "higher rank" to practically glued to his side. He likes having you nearby, to make sure he can keep an eye on you. You are now a weakness of his, and he's not going to allow you to be used against him.

-He does give you personal training -- well... Nutmeg Tiger Cookie gives you personal training. Burning Spice may be a brute, but he's not stupid enough to pit you up against himself. He likes you believe it or not.

-Nutmeg Tiger Cookie also knows better than to go too hard on you. If you come back with a grievous injury, it's her head.

-She respects you, if only because Burning Spice commands it. Regardless, she listens to you, and she's a surprisingly good personal trainer. You can actually hold your own in a fight thanks to her.

-Burning Spice claims that you are on your own on the battlefield and that if something happens to you it's up to you to save yourself. He doesn't have the time to waste on rescuing you like a damsel in distress. That's why he makes you go through the training and the work.

-...Only to make Shadow Milk Cookie look like the holiest truth-teller to have ever been.

-The second you're in any real danger Burning Spice is there. The sheer heat from his anger is enough to singe the edges of your clothes. He cannot believe the audacity of this cookie, to even think of trying to destroy what's his? It's a death sentence.

-He's protective of you, it just manifests differently from other cookies. It's not an overbearing or obvious kind of protection, but it's there when it needs to be. When you need him, he'll be there, and that's all that matters in the end.

-While he isn't exactly a romantic, he finds the expression of love in the traditional sense to be boring, he is sweet in his own way. The protection is just one aspect of that.

-Another way he shows how much he cares about you is his tendency to listen. He is not a patient cookie, it's almost impossible to get him to sit still for longer than a few minutes. But if you're talking, he can sit and listen for as long as you like.

-He will complain that he's bored, but he listens and he stays put. I would not recommend making direct eye contact while he listens, it becomes increasingly obvious that he doesn't blink the longer you stare, and it's kind of terrifying.

-He's not faking listening either, he remembers whatever you say. Months later he'll bring it up, or he'll answer questions about it without thought. He takes the time to know you, even if it seems like he wouldn't.

-If anyone questions his devotion to you or your devotion to him, they will suffer serious consequences. Burning Spice Cookie does not enjoy his intentions being questioned, he's very straightforward, and he makes no move to hide his affection for you. If someone is questioning that, they can only have poor intentions. He will not have you torn away from him because of some spineless cookie.

-He carries you around a lot. Like most of the time, you're being carried around by him. He likes to have you in his arms, it's reassuring in a way, that nothing can happen to you if he literally has you on his person most times.

-It's a frequent sight for the Wild Spices to see him walking around with you on his shoulders, slung over his back, or being carried around under one arm.

-If he is sitting, you are on his lap. No arguments about it, he wants you on his lap and that's where you'll be.

-He just likes to hold you. You're much smaller than him, even if you're a larger cookie, so he enjoys holding you nice and close. Fuels his ego a bit.

-Sometimes he'll just gaze at you, and you have no idea what's going on in his head. He'll twirl your hair around his fingers, sometimes even pressing a kiss to its tip. He just thinks you're so stunning, the perfect cookie to keep at his side for eternity. His right hand, his whole world, right there in front of him. Call him sappy, but he can't control how his dough aches for you.

-After watching you for so long, he'll kiss you and then move on to whatever he needs to do next. It leaves you reeling and overwhelmed each time. He's just so intense and so impossible to read, but at least you can't doubt his devotion to you.

-Speaking of kisses, his are overwhelming much like everything else about him. He doesn't accept half-assed work, so no light or fleeting kisses. They're all deep and full of emotion, full of passion for you.

-It feels as though he's trying to swallow you whole. He pulls you close so there's no room between you. He smells warm, like spice, but it's not as overwhelming as you might think. What is overwhelming is how he pushes his tongue past your lips and feels around your own.

-His tongue is forked like a snake, and it always takes its sweet time tasting you like that. It's like he's trying to commit to memory what you feel like, obsessively swallowing up whatever you'll give him. It leaves you breathless and lightheaded when he pulls away, but he'll only give you a smirk while he lets you stumble around.

-Now, Burning Spice is not a jealous cookie, not remotely. he has no worries of losing you to any other cookie because there is no one else who would be worthy of your time. Not even the other beasts, though he will get angry if they try to take up your time.

-He is, instead, very possessive of your time. If he keeps you by his side, no one can really make him jealous. If someone does take up your time, he gets annoyed and antsy. It takes a while for him to cool down after the fact, so you'll have to smother him in affection to make him feel better.

-Speaking of, he loves to be worshipped by you. Not in the get on your knees and pray way, but literally worshiping him. Praise him for his strength, his looks, and how wonderful he makes you feel. How much you love him. It makes him purr like an oversized cat.

-Oh, and he loves it when you run your fingers through his hair, or if you play with it a little. You can put whatever style on him you like, and he'll wear it around with pride. He doesn't care about the looks he gets, you did it so it's something he's proud of.

-That's a good way to categorize your relationship, and pride in each other. He wants you to brag about being with him, you should be proud to be with him. You are worth his time, everyone should know that. If anyone questions that, he'll correct them, don't worry.

-He equally finds pride in being your partner. He chose you for a reason, there are many traits of yours that he finds admirable. He wants everyone to know what is so special about you, he wants everyone to know that he loves you. He's proud of loving you and being yours as much as you are his.

-So, yes, he'll wear his hair in silly styles. He'll carry you around and be affectionate to you around other cookies. He'll wear matching jewelry for you. He would happily do anything to show you off, and he loves to show you off.

#bunni's treats 🧁#x reader #burning spice cookie #burning spice crk #burning spice x reader #burning spice cookie x reader #cookie run kingdom #crk #cookie run kingdom x reader #crk x reader

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alwaysurvalentine · 5 months ago

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marry me (if I ever get the nerve) - st fic

Based on a prompt from my @steddiebingo 12 Days of Christmas card: 'proposal'

wc: 2.4k | cw: none

enjoy! 💛

One.

A crowd is blocking the pathway when Eddie and Steve round the corner. Steve cranes his neck to see around the crowd and then scoffs.

“What, what is it?” Eddie’s trying to see through the people in front of him, but every time he shifts, they do too.

“Someone’s proposing in the middle of the park. Can’t even imagine how embarrassed she feels right now. Can you imagine?”

Steve continues to rant, one hand waving in the air while he vents and the other one tugging Eddie along the edges of the crowd to get past.

Marriage has been brought up between them before, an idea that seemed nice but somehow far away. Even without saying it, Eddie knew it was something that Steve wanted. It’d been an easy plan from there: save up money for a ring, pop the question, and then marry the fuck out of Steve Harrington. So far all Eddie had done was start saving for a ring.

He stumbled upon the perfect ring just last month, a simple gold band with the option to engrave the inside. Right now he can’t decide what he wants to put there, but he figures he’s still got some time to think about it.

“Like what if she wants to say no? He’s basically put her in a situation where she has to say yes and then go back on that answer later.”

There’s genuine distress in Steve’s voice at this stranger having to deal with this. Eddie squeezes his hand and offers a placating smile. Up ahead is the cafe they’d been heading towards in the first place. For once there isn’t a line and Eddie lets go of Steve’s hand just to open the door and bow.

“My love.”

All of the tension building up in Steve leaves him with a roll of his eyes and he smiles when he steps in before Eddie. Even though Steve wasn’t a fan of the couple they saw, Eddie sends a quick thanks because now he knows.

Absolutely no proposing in a crowded public place.

Two.

Light always finds Steve. No matter the time of day, if there’s a ray of sunshine, it’s shining on his boyfriend. It’s one of the first things Eddie noticed about him when they started dating. Now is no exception, sun peeking through their blinds to shine on Steve’s face.

Steve has barely moved from where he left him this morning, mouth slack with a line of drool leading to a small spot on his pillow. Eddie sets the tray holding their breakfast down for a moment, leaning over to swipe the drool away with his thumb. He rubs his hand on his pants and then rests a gentle hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Steve’s eyebrows furrow when he wakes, eyes blinking open just to squint shut at the light.

“C’mon, I made breakfast.”

Steve yawns and smiles softly, rubbing at his eyes. Eddie grabs the breakfast tray again, orange juice sloshing in the glass but not spilling with the movement. The small smile on Steve’s face turns into a full blown grin and he smooths over the blanket when he sits up.

The plate of breakfast smiles back at him, bacon curving up towards two eyes made of eggs. A gentle hand takes his wrist and Eddie’s tugged down close enough for Steve to press a kiss against his cheek.

“Thanks, baby.” Sleep still paints Steve’s words, a roughness there only because of their activities from the night before. An image of Steve on his knees, eyes half lidded and tongue hanging out of his mouth flashes into Eddie’s mind. He’s quick to dismiss it though, trying to stay on task.

Afterall, this breakfast is serving a purpose. Today is going to be the day that Eddie proposes to Steve. All he’s got to do now is pull the ring out of his bedside table and ask the question. Just a small, intimate setting for his Stevie.

He leans toward his dresser drawer right as the phone starts to ring.

“Hello?”

“Oh, uh, hi Eddie. Is Steve there?” Max is on the other end of the line, voice tight.

“One sec.” Eddie passes the phone over easily and mouths that it’s Max on the other end.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Judging by the face Steve makes at something Max says, this proposal is about to be pushed to another day. When Steve shifts the tray off of his lap and scoots out of bed, Eddie knows he’s right.

“Woah, hey, it’s okay. I’m glad you called. Give me fifteen and we’ll be there.” Another pause and Steve flashes a grimace in Eddie’s direction.

“You know he would understand. Okay, okay, yeah, it’ll just be me. See you soon Mayfield.”

Guilt covers Steve’s face when he turns to Eddie. He tosses the phone back onto the bed and pulls jeans over his boxers.

“Sorry, Max needs me to help her with something real quick, but I’ll be right back after that. Rain check on breakfast in bed?”

Disappointment curls in Eddie’s stomach but he nods anyway. “Of course, no worries. Is Red okay?”

Just as much as the kids are Steve’s in all the ways that matter, Eddie’s adopted them too. If one of them is in trouble, he wants to know.

“Yeah, just something going on with her mom.”

“Why don’t you bring her back here? I can make some more breakfast and we can all do brunch and watch trash TV.”

Steve closes the distance between them with a few quick strides, pressing a kiss to the corner of Eddie’s mouth. His hands come to rest on Steve’s hips, keeping him close so he can steal a couple close mouthed kisses before Steve leaves.

“That would be great, I love you.” Another kiss and then Eddie lets him go so Steve can brush his teeth before heading over.

Might need to recruit Robin to help make sure proposing doesn’t get interrupted.

Three.

Tuesdays are date nights.

Eddie doesn’t know if it was on purpose, but the first date he and Steve went on was a Tuesday and now it’s just become tradition. It’s the one day of the week that the gremlins know to let them have their night.

Tonight, Eddie’s even got Robin helping to run interference. Obviously he had to run this plan by her. They both figured while he’ll be popping the question, doing so over a candlelit dinner without getting on his knee was still lowkey enough for Steve to let it pass.

(Robin also tried to argue that Steve would be fine with a massive proposal because the only answer he’d have for Eddie would be yes. Her puppy dog eyes aren’t nearly as lethal as Steve’s, so he hadn’t caved.)

Eddie had asked Steve to dress up for dinner tonight for a reservation made at The Grillhouse. They don’t always do fancier dinners, more than happy to dance around the kitchen together instead. Steve had asked what the occasion was and squinted skeptically when Eddie stuttered that he had big news he was excited to share. Despite all of his practice as a DM, he still can’t lie to save his life. Luckily, Steve had dropped it and shifted the focus to a story from work.

Now Eddie finds his palms sweaty, empty plates sitting between them. This is his window.

“Stevie?”

His boyfriend tilts his head to the side, humming quietly to show he’s listening.

“I brought you to dinner saying I had some big news to share. But really, that news couldn’t be possible without you.”

Steve’s face softens and he reaches across the table to take one of Eddie’s hands. They sit like that for a moment, Eddie swallowing before reaching into his coat pocket to grab the ring.

The pocket is kind of deep and all he feels is fabric so he digs in a little further. Still, all he feels is the cotton lining against his fingers.

And then he realizes.

He forgot the ring.

He forgot the ring. What is he supposed to tell Steve now?

“I’ve decided to send some of me and the guys’ tapes to some producers.”

The smile on Steve’s face is bright enough to challenge the sun and Eddie knows he’ll be sending out those tapes this week just so that he hasn’t lied to the man in front of him.

“Holy shit!” A couple of people swivel their heads at the sudden exclamation but Steve doesn’t pay them any mind, raising his glass to Eddie. Never one to leave Steve hanging, he’s quick to lift his own glass for Steve’s toast.

“Congratulations, baby, I’m so proud of you!”

Hot tip: don’t forget the ring.

Four.

Steve’s bopping his head as he walks through the kitchen. Everyone’s just cleared out of the apartment after spending the night. He hasn’t been able to convince Steve to play D&D, but it doesn’t mean his boyfriend doesn’t love any opportunity to host. Every couple of weeks their apartment is flooded with the full group, pizza for dinner and then Steve pulls out all of the stops for brunch the next day.

There’s a pile of dishes waiting to be washed in the sink and a couple of pans left to cool on top of the stove, but like always - Steve’s turned on the radio first. Which works perfectly with Eddie’s plan.

He’d called the radio station earlier in the week and asked them to play their song so he could propose to the love of his life. The girl on the other end had squealed at the request and let Eddie know she’d email with the time they’d be able to put it into the show.

When he glances over to check the time, he’s surprised to see that there’s only a a couple of minutes to wait until their song is queued up. He’s got just enough time to run upstairs to grab the ring and then he’ll finally be able to ask. Steve’s just grabbing the pans off of the stove to move them towards the sink when Eddie steps out of the kitchen.

It seems oddly quiet when Eddie makes it downstairs. Maybe it’s just because of how loud it was last night and this morning.Mumbled cursing welcomes him back into the kitchen and Eddie sees the reason behind the quiet. Their radio is currently cradled in Steve’s hands, eyes locked in on the different dials like it’ll suddenly start working if he looks disappointed enough.

“Steve?”

The look of horror on Steve’s face has Eddie chuckling as he walks over.

“I broke the radio.” Genuine heartbreak colors Steve’s words and Eddie takes the radio from his hands with a smile.

“That’s okay, looks like it got some water on it. Did something splash out of the sink?” Steve nods, eyes focused on the radio in Eddie’s hands.

From what Eddie can tell, they might have to just replace the whole thing, somehow Steve’s managed to get the entirety of the speakers wet. His proposal might’ve been foiled again, but at least he gets a huff of a laugh when he rolls up his invisible sleeves to wash the dishes, bumping Steve out of the way.

Alright, maybe the radio thing was a little complicated, time to regroup.

Plus One.

“Wayne, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

His uncle just laughs from his side of the table, coffee cup lifted to his mouth despite the steam rising above it.

“No, I mean it. I’ve tried proposing to him so many times but I keep messing it up!” Eddie runs a hand through his hair and has to stop for a moment when a ring tugs on his curls. The chipped mug in Wayne’s hand gets set down and he leans back, eyes squinted in a smile while he looks Eddie over.

“Alright, let me get this straight. You wanna propose to your boy?” Eddie nods. “Why don’t you just ask him, plain and simple?”

“Oh, yeah, just ask him plain and simple. Because that’s totally easy. Have you met him?”

Wayne raises a brow, unimpressed at Eddie’s dramatics.

“I just want it to be perfect, Uncle Wayne. What if this is like the universe telling me not to do it? Everything keeps going wrong…”

Another sip of coffee and then Wayne leans forward, elbows on the table. “Listen here, you love him?”

“Of course I do.”

“And he loves you?”

Eddie can feel the blush when it spreads across his cheeks.

“He tells me all the time.”

“Then I think no matter how you ask him, the only answer he’s going to say is yes. Knowing you two, you could just slide the ring on his finger and Steve would have the wedding planned in a week. What’s really holding you back?”

Damn Wayne for knowing him so well.

This answer doesn’t come as easy, dread building in Eddie’s gut while he tries to figure out the best answer. If he voices this and Wayne agrees, he’ll probably never recover.

“C’mon, spit it out.”

“Whatifhedoesn’tthinkI’mworthbeingstuckwithfortherestofourlives?”

Another unimpressed stare, lips pursed at Eddie’s quick speech.

“Just, what if he doesn’t think it’s worth it? Being stuck with me forever?”

“Eddie, listen up, and listen good. No such thing as being stuck with you. I can tell that he adores you, knew as soon as I saw the two of you together. Just because your old man,” and Wayne pauses when Eddie’s head snaps up, “chose to ignore the gift you are, doesn’t mean other people will. I’ve been lucky enough to see you grow from that scrawny kid angry at the world to the man I see now. You’ve got your own family now, one you built all on your own, and not a single one of them feels like they’re stuck with you. Y’hear me?”

Eddie wants to feel embarrassed at the tears in his eyes, but instead all he feels is warmth all over - loved. He jumps up and scoots into Wayne’s side of the booth, throwing his arms around the older man’s neck just like he did as a kid. When he backs up, Wayne’s eyes look a little teary themselves.

“Alright, let’s go, I gotta get ready for work.”

(When they get back to the trailer, Eddie opens the door to his own makeshift family crowded around the living room. It takes a moment to take it all in, streamers hanging from the ceiling, balloons all over the floor, and then Steve on one knee with a ring held out.

It’s an easy yes.)

#steddie fluff #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #Wayne Munson is Eddie's dad #got stressed about proposing writing this #sorry to my future partner but you're getting breakfast in bed with a ring and that's all I got #valentine writes

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touchme-teezme · 4 months ago

Text

Why Me?

PAIRINGS | collegeboy!yeosang x fab!reader

TAGS | plot with some porn, kissing, fingering, unprotected sex, angsty & high tension dialogues bcs reader and yeosang are in situationship & figuring it out, reader is a player and avoidant, yeosang gets attached too easily. oopsie.

RATING | NSFW 21+ (Minors pls DNI/if it makes you uncomfortable don’t read thx)

SUMMARY | Yeosang realized he had feelings for you at the worst possible moment—now he’s spiralling and needs an outlet. Lucky for you, you’re here. Unlucky for you, it comes with a cost.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | oK this was plot heavy. lowkey in my feelings when i wrote it and i didn’t rlly want smut to be the focal point of all the stories — especially if i didn’t think it fit the members. so we’re trying something new out with yeo’s part. i hope you like it hehe enjoy freaks (complimentary). if you catch any mistakes, no you didn’t. i proofread with vibes not scrutiny.

💌 click here to see my Love Interrupted series masterlist [ot8] — check out the other parts!

inspired by pink matter & bad religion by frank ocean

(frank come home pls i can’t do this anymore.)

Yeosang wasn’t the nosy type—he liked to think he was above that.

Normally, he’d get himself to stop missing you by scrolling through your posts or replaying your story highlights like a perfectly chill (totally not obsessed) person. But today curiosity dragged him into the abyss that was your tagged photos.

And that’s where he saw it. Them.

The two others you were seeing on the side. He’d heard rumours but didn’t believe them until he saw Lee Chan’s hands on your ass as you were hugging him or a selfie where you were a little too close to Choi Yeonjun.

Even he never had a photo with you where your cheeks were squished against each others.

“Relax,” Wooyoung had told him that night he confided in his friend, “It’s normal. They’re probably just on her roster. You guys aren’t exclusive anyway.”

Now, every time he lay flat on his back, staring at a ceiling, his mind went into the same place:

How did you meet them? How long have you been seeing them? Do they know what you like? Or worse—did you touch them the same way you’re touching him right now?

And seriously, how the fuck did you and Yeonjun even meet?

“Yeosang, i’m talking to you.”

“Huh?” His head jerked up at the sound of your voice, only to find you staring up at him from between his legs, mouth hovering just shy of the fabric of his underwear.

His pants were bunched at his ankles, and he was sprawled out with his knees hanging off the bed—one hand casually tucked under his head.

The angle was doing the most to show off how much gym time he and San had clearly been clocking lately.

“I asked if I can—“

“Uh… Y-Yeah, yeah go ahead.”

You sighed, rising from your knees to gracefully mount his body. Straddling him with elegance, you leaned down, your face inches from his clearly preoccupied gaze.

Speaking of gazes, his eyes were your favourite. Your knuckles grazed his birthmark, then you casually swept his hair back.

"What's going on?"

He reacted instantly, closing his eyes and inhaling sharply as he leaned in. You felt his hands glide down your spine, past the hooks of your bra. He shook his head, "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Something’s definitely going on because I was about to suck you off and you haven’t looked at me once.”

Yeosang gently placed his hand on the back of your head and flipped you over, landing you on your side.

He then adjusted himself, kicking off his jeans with a nonchalant flick of his ankle. Scooting closer to your flushed face, his silence was starting to make you a tad more nervous than usual.

“Is everything okay?” You shifted closer to his body.

“I wanted to ask you something, and I need you to be honest.”

“Oh. Sure.” Your eyebrows rose. “But maybe we save the serious talk for after, you know, the fun stuff?” You started trailing your fingers along the faint ridges of his abs.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his as he stared down at your joined hands. “Do you…” He trailed off, recalibrating mid-sentence. “How long are we going to keep having fun?”

“Well,” you said, blinking like it was the most obvious answer in the world, “A few rounds, a few hours—though if you do that thing I like, I might have to keep you here a bit longer.”

You leaned in for a kiss, slow and deliberate, your lips skimming his bottom lip. His hand slipped to your ass like muscle memory, but instead of diving in, his brain just had to keep working.

“No, not this,” he mumbled between kisses before pulling away with all the self-control and focus in the world. “I mean… this—as in, us. How much longer are we going to keep this going?”

“Oh.” You paused, your eyes darted between his face and the diminishing gap between your bodies. “I don’t know… as long as we want to?”

His jaw tightened, his expression unreadable.

“Do you not want to anymore?” You asked.

“It’s not that,” he sighed. “I’m starting my internship next semester. I just… I needed to know if I have a reason to turn down that offer in Busan.”

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, all you could hear was the faint hum of the city beyond your creaked window.

“Well,” you said. “I told you…if you want to, you should.”

“So you think I should go?”

“I think you should do whatever makes you happiest.”

“And what if what I want doesn’t make you happy?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and forced a shrug. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“But it does. It matters to me.” His voice dipped, tinged with frustration, though his gaze softened into something you hadn’t seen before.

“So… what do you want me to say?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” His voice cracked just enough to make your chest tighten. “That you want me to stay. That this is something important to hold on to or that…” He gestured vaguely to himself, as if it physically pained him. “…that I’m not just someone you fuck when everyone else is busy.”

Oh.

You sighed, sitting up to rake your fingers through your hair while pulling your knees to your chest.

Maybe it was one of the guys you’d been seeing who ran his mouth. Word gets around campus pretty easily when you have mutual friends. It’s also not like you were deliberately hiding it, but you somehow still felt a little ashamed for him to find out.

Yeosang, on the other hand, looked like he’d rather dissolve into thin air. Maybe insecurity had sucker-punched him or he was catching feelings and scared you’d bolt the moment he brought it up.

“I don’t know why I said that,” he muttered, voice soft and far away. “I’m sorry I brought it up.” He shifted to sit next to you, his posture mirroring yours.

“It’s fine,” You tried to sound reassuring, but the weight of his question hung in the air.

You glanced at him, and damn his side profile wasn’t helping you think straight. “So, what is it? You don’t want me seeing anyone else?”

His sharp inhale said it all. “I can’t tell you what to do, but just so you know, I’m not seeing anyone else,” his voice was rough, like he was trying to swallow the words before they came out. “I don’t even want anyone else. I don’t know how you do it, how you can… be with anyone else.”

Yeosang turned to look at you, his eyes searching yours. “I just… I want to know if it could ever be… just me.”

He’d meant it when he swore off relationships — especially after what happened to San, he believed that was more than enough to convince him that relationships weren’t worth it.

But the more he saw you, the more his wishes began to crack. The more he wanted it to be only him you came back to.

“What am I to you?” he asked finally, the question breaking the silence.

You swallowed, searching for words that felt like truth but wouldn’t cut too deep. “You’re…” The answer wavered, unsure even as it left your lips. “You’re someone I care about. A lot.”

You placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned in to kiss him, trying to drown out the conversation in the only way you knew how.

His fingers gripped your hips tightly, grounding you against him, and you felt a flicker of guilt at the way you were avoiding his question but it melted away when you felt his tongue slip in.

When you pulled back, he was breathless and flushed, his chest heaving as if he’d just surfaced from underwater. His hands stayed firmly on your love handles, and his forehead leaned against yours.

“For fuck’s sake…” he muttered, the frustration thick in his voice. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair like that would somehow untangle the mess in his brain. “Why me?”

“Yeosang?”

He realised right then and there, there was no changing your mind.

He snapped back to reality, his grip tightening as his hands slid down to your thighs. In one smooth move, you were on your back and he was settling himself right on top of you.

Yeosang settled between your thighs. He rocked his hips, grinding himself against you, seeking friction and relief as your lips wouldn’t leave his alone.

You cupped the side of his face, looking up at him between breaks of the kiss to slide a gentle slow finger into his mouth for him to suck as he held your stare.

Your other hand pushed away the curtain of hair falling from his face, admiring his bare beauty in your touch.

You liked how he reacted to your touches, how at a single command he kneels, he’d do anything for you if you’d ask — maybe that’s what scared you in return but you’d never tell him that.

You both eventually fell on your sides, not a single word besides the usual moans and gasps of “yes”, “like that”, and yeosang’s personal favourite: “i need you right now.”

Before you knew it, your back faced him and you were both entirely undressed.

He held you tight, pressing his face into the sweet spot where your neck met your shoulder. His lips trailed kisses there as his hands explored your familiar curves. Your hips ground back against him, rubbing your ass over his erection.

His fingers danced across your stomach before slipping lower. You groaned, feeling his fingers open to a ‘V’ to graze the sides of your entrance with light strokes.

His focus on you was primal and hungry as he started circling the your folds in a distinct pattern. He sunk two fingers deep inside your slick clenching heat, earning a breathy whine that was turning him on relentlessly. Your breath was hot against his ear as you watched him work, your inner muscles clenching greedily.

Yeosang knew your body the best out of the others. He always paid attention to your physical reactions to what you really like and what hurt you. After a while, he got the hang of it pretty damn quick.

Between the gentle caresses and firmer strokes, he was driving you higher, teasing you mercilessly—and yet, he hadn’t even gone all the way. But holding out much longer wasn’t an option; the things you were saying were wrecking his focus, leaving his restraint hanging by a thread.

You’re the only one I want.

You make me feel so good.

I want you so bad.

Don’t get him wrong, the sex was great — but even with you naked in his arms, swearing he was the one you wanted, he didn’t feel it. Because desiring him wasn’t the same as making him yours—and you never would.

You held his face behind you, anchoring your hand on the nape of his neck as he pounded into you with his hard throbbing cock into you at an angle that was blurring your vision.

He was eagerly grabbing a handful of your breast, teasing your nipple between his fingers as he sucked onto your neck, whining against your skin.

He pushed your knee higher. Gripping your side like he was holding on for dear life, he thrust into you with the determination, only to pull out slowly, and savouring the moment.

The increasing pace turned your moans into a symphony of pleasure, loud enough to give the neighbors an unsolicited introduction to Yeosang’s name. They might not have seen him, but they sure knew who he was now.

The sound of skin meeting skin, punctuated by the occasional slap of his hand against your ass made you grin.

“Fuck! Yeosang!” You exclaimed.

“I know baby, I know,” he replied, his voice a low, reassuring rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

His focus unwavering. It was as if he had a singular mission: to bring you to the peak of pleasure and join you there.

He eventually sent you over the edge. You bit down on your lip as he showered you with open-mouthed kisses on one side of your face.

“Shit… Yeosang, that was— you felt so fucking good.” You barely caught your breath.

You held his face over your shoulder and he smiled back, feeling your thumb stroke the side of his face before coming in for a rewarding kiss.

Yeosang had it all—looks, charm, the perfect height for you, and you always had a soft spot for the shy types. Sure, his borderline obsession with video games wasn’t exactly your favorite thing, but hey, at least it wasn’t destructive.

Still, no matter how great he was, Yeosang realised the truth you’d never admit: a relationship wasn’t exactly your thing.

Still, his visit to your neighbourhood didn’t end on that note.

After a few rounds of small talk and a necessary bathroom breaks, you were back to your usual routine — with a few new surprises.

It included him kneeling before your parted legs as you sat on the edge of the bed, watching him savour, and lick up your core. It wasn't long before your leg found its way over his shoulder, trembling and quivering as you held onto the back of his head.

Then came the moment when he held your wrists behind your back, taking you from behind. Fucking. Hell. The spanking returned, accompanied by a string of praises in that low voice of his and it turned you on more than anything else he’d ever tried.

You were so caught up in the bliss and pleasure of the moment, reveling in how he truly outdid himself tonight, that you missed two things:

Yeosang had whispered "I love you" at the peak of his final climax.

And this was going to be the last time.

Yeosang was so haunted by the painful realization that if he ever walked away, you wouldn't miss him.

After all, there were plenty of others ready to take his place by your side, as if he were just another face in the crowd.

He knew you were never going to change your mind, even when he was the one on the line.

By the time the sun dipped below the horizon, you were fast asleep. Yeosang watched the steady rise and fall of your bare back, the room quiet except for your soft breathing. The faint jingle of his belt buckle broke the stillness as he slipped into his jeans.

He caught sight of himself in your full-length mirror in the corner, you sound asleep behind him, and all he felt was emptiness. The faint marks on his neck and chest—your handiwork—didn’t even draw the usual smirk.

He slipped his shirt back on and crept out of your place, the same way he’d done countless times before.

Standing on the corner of your street, he pulled out his phone and fired off an email accepting the position. One press of “send”, he raised his arm, hailing a taxi without a second glance back.

A yellow coloured taxi pulled up just as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. He climbed in, saying the name of his street and sinking into his seat, completely worn out.

The driver nodded without saying much from the rearview mirror where a string of beads with a tassel hung. The car pulled away from that street.

He stole another glance at Yeosang, whose watery eyes and faraway stare made it seem like the weight of the world was crushing his shoulders.

“You okay, kid?”

“Yeah,” Yeosang muttered, leaning against the glass. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

His phone buzzed in his jeans pocket, and his gaze dropped to the screen—Wooyoung’s name lighting up, accompanied by that dumb photo he’d set as his own contact picture.

He’d hoped that by the sixth missed call—during the time Yeosang had your arms pinned behind your back—Wooyoung would finally give it a rest.

But if there was one thing everyone knew about Wooyoung, it was that his commitment to annoying his friends was unmatched.

“Fucking finally, where are you?” Wooyoung’s voice came through, loud and chaotic, with the telltale background noise of a busy restaurant.

“Home,” Yeosang lied, voice barely above a mumble and cleared his throat. “Why?”

“Perfect, so you’re close. Everyone’s already here—your roommate, Hwa, the usual. San and Mingi bailed though. Typical. Anyway, you promised you’d show up tonight, so—“

“Yeah, yeah,” Yeosang cut him off, not in the mood for one of Wooyoung’s endless rambles.

Wooyoung, sharp as ever, caught the attitude immediately. “Don’t be a dick. We’ll just see you at the club if you’re gonna take forever.”

“Yeah, sure. Bye.” Yeosang ended the call before Wooyoung could get another word in. He didn’t even flinch when he heard Wooyoung start to curse—cutting him off mid-sentence was the point.

The driver glanced at him as they pulled to a stop at a red light, an eyebrow quirking in silent judgment. “A lot going on, huh?”

Yeosang’s eyes stayed fixed on the city lights, streaking and blurring as they sped past. “You have no idea.”

The driver shrugged, settling back into his seat. “Well, it’s a long drive to where you’re headed. I’ve got time.”

#yeosang smut #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #kang yeosang #atz smut #atz fanfic #ateez smut #yeosang x reader #ateez x reader #ateez oneshot #yeosang #atz x reader #yeosang angst #ateez #atiny #hetmongi look away plz #yeodungies #ateez yeosang

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ficsilike-reblogged · 1 month ago

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Shelter - 6

Summary: You saved Soap's life. And Simon gains some insight.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley/F!Reader

Warnings For This Chapter: Continued military inaccuracies, mentions of drug abuse, neglectful parents, threats of harm against a child, death, terrible baby daddies, my attempt at accents, and terrible childhood memories, and more Soft!Simon, MDNI

A/N: Again, thank you all so much for your love for this story! Your comments mean the world to me, truly. Please be mindful of the warnings for this chapter. And I hope to keep up with this schedule of posting a chapter every other week!

Previous Chapter

It was honestly impressive how easily Kirby seemed to take to motherhood. It was definitely her own twist on it, but she was a mom. Through and through. Somehow, she’d already mastered holding her little one one-handed while nursing. She’d devoured her double cheeseburger faster than you had ever seen her do before at the same time. But as soon as the burger was demolished (and the fries, too), she was quick to hold the baby closer, glowing with each breath. It might have been sweat, but it didn’t really matter.

You were waffling between embarrassment that Simon had managed to have the food waiting—one for Kirby and another for you—or embarrassment that your heart had leapt and raced from something so inane. But he was kind. Kind to you.

You could try to deal with all that later.

For now, you were happy to just be with Kirby. The time was limited, you knew that, too. Simon had managed to stay out of sight when he’d given you the food and Kirby simply thought you’d had it delivered. Technically, you did.

You gathered up the trash as Kirby fed her daughter and pointedly ignored the look the nurse sent you when she noticed it in the trash can. You listened to them talk, happy to hear that everything seemed to be going smoothly if not ahead of schedule. They’d probably be discharged tomorrow.

Kirby waved off the doctor who came in soon after asking if she wanted anything for the residual pain. That was something she’d picked up alongside you, much to your dismay. But it wasn’t something you would comment on tonight. No. Not right now.

Eventually, Kirby started to doze off and you stayed a little longer, making sure she was okay, before taking the time to just sit and quietly look over your niece in her tiny, hospital-issued bassinet. She was perfect. She let out a little coo as you gently brushed the pad of your thumb against her cheek but didn’t wake up.

You stood after finally pulling yourself away and then kissed Kirby’s cheek, too. It wasn’t as if you knew when you would be able to do it again. You had the distinct feeling that you probably wouldn’t be allowed outside the hotel again any time soon. You really did need to find out a way to pay back the guys for letting you do this.

You stepped out into the hall, intent on hunting down a bathroom, but you were almost immediately stopped by a few familiar faces. Your heart hiccuped as Soap and Gaz each had armfuls of flowers, balloons, gifts. Welcome Baby Girl! was scrawled across a card you spied in Soap’s hand. “What’s all this?”

“When my sister had her wee ones, we always filled her room. Made sure she knew she was loved,” Soap said, keeping his voice low to match the late hour.

“That…that’s really kind. You guys didn’t have to do that.” And it was kind. Heartbreakingly so.

Gaz shrugged, smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You didn’t have to be kind to us either. We can do this.” And then they slipped by you and into Kirby’s room, moving without a sound, despite everything in their arms. And soon the hospital room was mostly tastefully decorated with flowers and balloons and care packages. And then they silently left again, both squeezing your hand as they walked back out, probably to join Price downstairs again. Kirby was going to love all of that when she woke up. You’d have to think of a story of who sent it—maybe you could say they were from your “new coworkers” from your “consulting” job.

As you dried your hands and stepped back into the quiet hallway, you noticed Simon once again standing near the door. He had made himself scarce while Gaz and Soap had come up. A tiny, yellow teddy bear looked absolutely miniscule in his large hands and your lungs filled with butterflies as he carefully righted one of its ears. He was so careful with the tiny stuffed animal and your mind quickly conjured a ridiculous thought of him holding a tiny baby, too: careful and wrapped up in his strong arms.

Stop it. Stop.

But the thoughts continued when a nurse walked by him and definitely checked him out. She shouldn’t be looking at him! You should not be looking at him.

His dark eyes dragged up your form as you stepped to his side. “That for the baby?”

He nodded and handed it to you. It was buttery soft and had a delicately stitched smile and eyes in a shade darker. “For you. To give to ‘er. Didn’t think you’d get down to that shop they’ve got downstairs.”

The butterflies in your lungs beat their wings harder and harder.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “That’s really sweet. Thank you.”

“Made sure it was the right color.”

You pressed a thumb into the teddy’s stomach, the softness compressed easily as your eyes stung with tears you didn’t remember forming. It was the perfect shade, actually. Daffodil yellow. “Yeah, you did.” You reached out and squeezed his arm in thanks. The muscle didn’t budge but your stomach did an impressive swoop down your feet. Good god he was massive. “Thank you,” you said again, voice tight.

“The chocolates Soap had were from me. Thought she’d like ‘em.”

You had spotted a small bouquet of chocolate bars that had probably cost an arm and a leg at the hospital gift shop propped up beneath one of the balloons Gaz had carried in. “She will—she’s the only person who has a bigger sweet tooth than mine.” Another kindness you’d need to repay. These were good men. Simon was a good man.

“What’s your favorite?”

You almost smiled at the question. He was going to know more about you than anyone else aside from Kirby…and all he’d asked was your favorite sweet. “I love Kit Kats. And Cadbury Flake.”

Simon made a noise, low in his throat. “Those are rubbish.”

“Wh-no!” You laughed, almost appalled. “They’re good! I love Flake bars.”

He shook his head. “‘s mostly air. Not proper chocolate. And it gets everywhere.”

“They’re good! What’s your favorite—and if you tell me something like Curly Wurly, I’m going to have to fight you.”

Your empty threat coaxed a single “heh” out of him with that one and you smiled up at him, watching the corners of his eyes crease just above the edge of his mask. It was only there for a moment—but you saw it. He’d smiled. “I like dark chocolate.”

“Plain?” It suited him. Something rich and decadent, a little bit of an acquired taste.

“Not fussy.”

“I’ll remember that.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. How many times had that happened with him? Thankfully, you heard Kirby call for you and you held up the tiny teddy bear with a lopsided smile. “I’ll give this to her. Be right back.” And then you scurried away, metaphorical tail between your legs.

She had left the door cracked. He wasn’t sure if she did that on purpose but he was a bit chuffed to hear Kirby say that the tiny bear was “perfect” and that she liked the rest of the stuff Kyle and Johnny had hauled in. Kirby also giggled a bit when she explained that a lot of it were well wishes from her “new coworkers” in London. “They seem like a good bunch, no?”

“Yeah, I kinda like them so far.” High praise.

The smile he felt growing was squashed as Simon scanned the floor again, noting that the number of nurses hadn’t changed and he recognized each of their faces. Good. That was good. Everything was normal. The others downstairs were watching exits and had managed to get into the hospital’s security office with a bit of persuasion.

But still, when the doors to the labor and delivery department opened and a man in a too-tight suit walked in, Simon distrusted his presence immediately. He watched, unmoving, as he walked up to the desk and the prat fucking snapped his fingers to get the nurse’s attention. And then he said Kirby’s name. The nurse blew a bubble with her gum and gave an noncommittal “huh?” which Simon thought was a well done diversion.

Simon looked back into the room and saw her smiling with Kirby as they split one of the candy bars. But she looked up and he watched her smile slide off her face and her lip start to curl. But the moment she turned back to Kirby and the baby, her smile was back in place. “I just need to step out for a moment, okay? I’ll be right back.”

And then she was marching out of the hall, closing the door behind her. Simon followed without a word, watching as she walked right up to the guy and poked at his fucking pocket square.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Julian?” She hissed.

“What the fuck happened to you?” The guy retorted, looking her over. His mouth opened with a scoff. Simon hated him already.

“I asked: what the fuck are you doing here?” Her hands curled into fists at her sides and Simon took a single step closer. The way she was moving, he had no doubt she could handle this rich boy. But he wouldn’t let her do it alone.

The guy—Julian—seemed to try to shake himself out of his “Did…did she have the-”

“You don’t get to ask that. Remember? I was there when your daddy dearest made my sister sign an NDA about how��you proposed to her and then got cold feet when you knocked her up.”

Simon glanced around to see a handful of nurses looking in their direction but most seemed content to let the scene play out or ignore it completely. It must have been a slow day.

Julian went white before splotches of red started to rush across his face. “That’s not-”

“Oh, right.” Her answering smile was all teeth and Simon felt his mouth fill with saliva. She was a sight to behold, battered and bruised and angry. “He also insinuated she was a low class whore who tricked you into bed when it was you who pursued her for months! And you, you sniveling little cunt, just rolled over. And then he wanted to make sure that any, and I quote, ‘brat that came out of that snatch’ didn’t have a claim to your daddy’s money. So yes, the NDA and then you signed away all your parental rights with a stroke of that stupid, fancy pen. Your overpriced lawyer was so impressed with himself. Everything tied up in a neat little bow. He just forgot about the tiny detail about me being in the room and hearing everything.”

Julian’s face was an impressive shade of red. “Sh-she got money!”

And she took another step forward and Julian took several back. “Oh yes. A tidy sum to become a single mother. Two million dollars is barely a drop in the bucket for your family, Julian. Basically chump change. So no. You have no right to be here. As I said: you signed everything away. My sister doesn’t exist to you. Her child—and let me be crystal clear in this: that baby is only hers—does not exist to you. You might have contributed a pathetic amount of genetic material in an equally pathetic bedroom performance, but that’s it. That’s all you’re reduced to. Kirby wants nothing to do with you. Your lawyer made sure none of this could be undone. You have no say. No right. You have nothing. And if I see you around Kirby or the baby again, I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to make another.”

He seemed to stand a little straighter at that. Perhaps he wasn’t used to someone threatening him so openly. Or maybe he realized he had an audience and felt the need to peacock. Simon thought it was probably a bit of both. “You can’t threaten me! I am-”

“You’re nothing. And you’ll always be nothing. Now leave.” This was the same woman who’d just been cooing over her niece, now spitting mad at a stranger. And that had something stirring behind Simon’s ribs. Hot and hungry.

Julian must've felt brave or extra stupid—Simon was betting he was both—when he stepped toward her, a long finger pointed at her face. “You better shut your fucking mouth-”

“Excuse me, you need to either lower your voice and watch your language or you need to leave.” The nurse at the desk pointed a pen at Julian and Simon smirked beneath his mask. She’d heard everything. It wasn’t until Julian started getting stupid that the nurse said anything. But honestly, what had Kirby seen in this wanker? She seemed to be reasonable and this guy was a tosser.

“She’s keeping me from my kid-”

“You don’t have a kid!”

Julian turned and that stupid finger was in her face again. “If you don’t-”

“Sir. I’ll not ask again: either you lower your voice and-”

“Shut up!” Julian sneered as he rounded on the nurse. The red in his cheeks had bled down his pencil-thin neck. Hilarious.

“Don’t talk to her that way. You shouldn’t even be here.”

And then he turned back to her and pointed that finger at her.

Simon didn’t even really remember moving. But he had Julian’s finger bent backward until it almost hit the back of his hand. “You’re going to leave.”

Julian had tears in his eyes and the red in his cheeks had completely taken over his face now as he howled and yelped, trying to yank his hand free as Simon kept his hold, pulling his finger back, back, back. He tried to struggle but all he did was crumple to his knees—it was a natural reaction, trying to pull away, but Simon wouldn’t let go. “You-”

“You’re going to leave. Understand? Never come back. Never tell your father about this. Never contact Kirby or her kid.” Simon adjusted his grip and didn’t blank as he heard the finger finally pop out of its socket.

Julian gave another yelp but Simon simply adjusted his grip to keep the finger pressed down. “I-”

“You’re done talking. When I let go, you get up and you leave.”

Tears started to slide down Julian’s face and he nodded with a whimper when Simon squeezed.

And then Simon did let go, having made his point. Julian pushed his purpling hand to his chest as he stood and his knees knocked together as he turned and fled back toward the doors without a look back.

The nurse at the desk sighed and pointed her pen at him. “If he raises a stink downstairs, I’m saying I know nothing about it.”

Simon just nodded. Price was probably scrubbing the security footage already anyway.

But then he felt someone step beside him and saw her. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He knew he didn’t. But he wanted to and he couldn’t have stopped himself even if he had tried. He knew that now. “You had it ‘andled. I know. I just sped it up.”

She huffed but he still saw how the corners of her mouth tilted up. “Let’s get out of here for a bit just in case he comes back with security.”

Julian wasn’t going to come back with security. Simon knew that. But he still followed where she led.

You didn’t even mean to take him to the hospital roof. You’d accidentally found it when you wandered aimlessly years ago after Kirby’s grandfather lay dying in a room a few floors down and you’d given them space to say goodbye. It was quiet here, aside from the wind rushing by. Almost peaceful as you looked out over the still-sleeping city. You tilted your head, letting the growing sunlight wash over your face. Kirby had her baby. You made it. They were safe. You were alive.

God, that was embarrassing. You hadn’t lost your temper like that in years. Julian had once called you Kirby’s rabid guard dog. The moniker fit, but that didn’t mean you were exactly proud of it. You’d tried so hard, over the years, to not hold onto Kirby so tightly. Not try to push her into a life you knew would keep her safe. She’d once, rightly, raged at you for overstepping when you’d tried to convince her to change her mind when she’d enrolled at Northwestern and wanted to pursue a music major. It had been the first time you had seen how much you had tried to keep her from turning out like your mothers. Or like you. And after not speaking with her for months, and bi-weekly appointments with your therapist, you saw that you needed to let Kirby be Kirby. She forgave you, as her heart was always too big, and you tried to support her in everything else that you could. It seemed to work out well, anyway. She had a cushy job at one of the uppity schools in the city, teaching music and sometimes played at a few jazz clubs on the weekend. She loved it. She was happy. And that was all you wanted. That was why you’d kept your mouth shut when she’d introduced you to Julian. The bad vibes had been instant but you told her, just once, “just make sure you’re happy.” You might have made a snide comment or two when he’d said something about Kirby’s job or your shared upbringing. No one was going to make Kirby less-than. Especially not some son of a billionaire without a single redeeming quality. “I’m sure you pieced together who that was.”

“A prick.”

You snorted and didn’t even care that it hurt your throat. “Yeah. He’s a prick.”

Simon was quiet and you opened your eyes and turned just enough to look at him. Your heart thundered and warmth bloomed in your chest when you realized he was looking at you. “Could make him disappear.”

The laugh that bubbled out of you and couldn’t be stopped. “I think you made your point quite clear. He might run to his dad, but he’d probably tell him that he shouldn’t’ve been here anyway.” You sighed and your throat stung. “Thank you. Again. Not sure if you’re keeping score, but I owe you and the guys quite a bit now.”

He made a noise, not quite like a scoff but something close. “Don’t owe us anything. You saved Soap. And we’re doing our jobs.” And you were sure he didn’t mean for it to sting, but it did. All of this was just him doing his job. He was kind, but it was just a job. You were just a job. And that had to be okay. There were worse things you could be. He was quiet again and then he said, “you said you both had crap mums.”

You sighed but nodded. You hadn’t realized he remembered any of your rambling from last night after your nightmare. And really, what harm would it do to tell him? He deserved something. And, eventually, you would never see him again—even if the thought twisted into thorns behind your ribs. “Her mom was loads better than mine, and better still with just Kirby. I was just sort of,” you waved a hand, trying to find the words your therapist taught you to use but still came up blank, “a very small roommate and then a trial-run kid.”

“How did they know each other?”

You resisted the urge to sigh again. “Chauncey, Kirby’s mom, was my mother’s sponsor for Narcotics Anonymous. Mom lasted two weeks, by the way. Called it a waste of time.” You shook your head. “It all sounds like I pulled my life from Days of Our Lives or something. Some bullshit soap opera.”

“You said it was a long story. Think we’ve got time.”

Simon was right. For now, you had time. “My mom was a junkie. Blamed me for it, by the way. And I realize that addiction is a sickness and everything, but she made no attempt to get better. From what I can remember, I think she was in a car accident as a teenager and liked how the painkillers made her feel and it spiraled from there. She’d leave me at home to go chase another fix and not really care that I needed my diaper changed or that she’d forgotten to feed me at all that day.” You pressed on the end of your nose to keep your familiar feelings of resentment from festering too long. “Sometimes she’d have people over. I just hid in my room, a blanket over my head to pretend I didn’t exist, that the conversations they were having weren’t real. I was six, I shouldn’t’ve been listening to…that. She’s why I wake up if there’s light in the room. Sometimes they’d come in and just look. There were a few who liked to tug on my hair, trying to see if I’d wake up.” You pressed harder on your nose. “I know I’m lucky that is all they did. But I never knew if they would do more. And my mother just let it happen. And then she met a guy, said he had everything she ever wanted. I was just a bit of a roadblock—he didn’t want kids. And that was how I wound up on Chauncey’s doorstep.” The pressing on your nose didn’t help. You couldn’t stop your mind from conjuring the memory of your mother grabbing your tiny, six-year-old shoulders and staring at you with a smile too wide and eyes too blown. “You be good for Chauncey.” She listed all the ways for you to “earn your keep” so you wouldn’t end up on the streets “like a dog.” And that was fine. You already knew how to make breakfast. You knew how to walk to school and look both ways before crossing the street. Never speak unless you were spoken to. Messes meant your mother got angry. Chauncey would be no different, you had been sure of it.

“Why did she pick Chauncey?”

You bit back the wince you felt growing as you dropped your hand back to your side. That had been particularly underhanded on your mother’s part. “I found an old diary of hers after she and that guy got themselves killed trying to hold up a gas station and I’d been the only one they could find to send her belongings to after they identified her.” She’d threatened to tell Chauncey’s boss that she used to pay coworkers to do the mandatory drug tests for her before she got sober.” It had been something Chauncey had said in confidence in a safe place and your mother had ruined it. “I guess she saw it as easier than surrendering me to the state. Or it at least made her feel better about herself. That I wasn’t in the system.”

Simon couldn’t understand how anyone could throw her away like she was nothing. She was… Well, that didn’t need to be said. But he kept listening.

“Chauncey tried. I’ll give her that. But she wasn’t meant to be a mom. She didn’t want to be a mom; she told me that a couple of times, actually. And there I was, in her house, a walking talking thing she couldn’t get rid of in case my mother ever came back and actually ruined her life. She didn’t have a maternal bone in her body. But she never let me go hungry. Made sure I got to school. Had clothes and shoes that fit. I thought I was dreaming the first time she actually cared about the bruise I got at school. She got me arnica cream.”

It was a little thing. Simon knew that. But sometimes the little things were what kept a person’s head above water. He knew that, too. Tommy had sometimes snuck him ice from the kitchen when his ribs hurt from where his father had hit him. He remembered each time he did. His mother had tears in her eyes the first time she made him a birthday cake after she’d kicked out his dad for the final time. The little things.

“And then Paul entered the picture. Kind. Funny. Smart. He didn’t even bat an eye when Chauncey stuttered through her explanation that she was my legal guardian. He showed up to pick her up for her next date with a bouquet for her, and a daisy for me. That was the first time anyone had given me flowers. And he was good. Good to Chauncey. Kind to me. Helped me with my math homework and told me all about his job as a history professor at one of the community colleges in the city.” She moved to tilt her head up again. He watched her close her eyes against the dawn and the purples and pinks of the sunlight. If he could draw like Johnny, he might have wanted to draw her. To remember how she looked like this forever.

“She found out she was pregnant a few months into their relationship. I remember Chauncey trying so hard to be excited about it all. So hard. But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to be a mother. But, god, she loved Paul. Wanted everything he wanted. Wanted him forever. And maybe she saw a baby as a way to strengthen their relationship? It sounds awful when I say it like that. But she asked him over and over and over if a baby was really what he wanted. And Paul was so excited. Couldn’t wait to be a dad. He did the hand on the belly thing. Got up at three in the morning for her cravings. Built the crib, painted the nursery. All of it. He did all of it. And he was the one who let me think of Kirby as a sister. Let me hold her. Taught me how to change her diaper. Let me read her bedtime stories or sing her to sleep beside him. She was mine just like she was his. I didn’t have a lot, but knowing I could come home to Kirby made everything easier. Made my mother’s terrible choices easier to handle.”

“What happened to ‘im?” Simon already knew he was dead. But this was something else, he could tell by the way she pulled her lips into her mouth for a moment.

“It was Kirby’s seventh birthday. Was going to be a big one. Paul wanted it to be perfect. I was fifteen. It was easy to see that Paul could tell that Chauncey didn’t want to be a mom. He was trying to make it work. Trying and trying and trying for years. They’d go to family therapy. They got a dog. The whole nine yards. And Paul seemed to think that if he showered all of his love on Kirby, she wouldn’t realize her mom didn’t know how to love her like a mother should.” But she knew. That was unspoken. “We were going to pick up the three tier cake Paul had ordered.” Her next breath stuttered and Simon felt his hands curl at his sides, just for a moment. “Some asshole was on his phone and ran the light. The doctors told us that it was quick. He hadn’t been in pain and that I was lucky I’d only broken my arm.” She pressed at her nose again. “I didn’t feel lucky.”

And Simon knew that it wasn’t the end of the story.

“Chauncey spiraled. Tried to hold it together and I have to give it to her, she tried her hardest. But she drank. A lot. I made sure Kirby got to school. Helped her with her homework. Made her meals. Made sure she was dressed in the morning and her teeth were brushed at bedtime. I knew this song and dance. I just had a smaller partner in it now.” She paused and her next breath rattled.

Simon felt the urge to reach out to her, touch her to let her know that he was listening, that he cared. But what if he moved too fast and scared her? What if just touching her made her realize she was telling him everything and she stopped? He couldn’t chance it. Not now. Not when he finally felt like she trusted him.

“I didn’t think Chauncey would start using again. And, to be fair, she only did it once. I think she thought she could handle a bigger dose, or needed something to take the edge off. To make her forget.” She paused. “I got home an hour before Kirby. I opened the front door and Chauncey was just slumped against the coffee table.”

“What did you do?”

“I wasn’t going to let Kirby see her mom like that. See her home like that. I cleaned up the mess and I…” She swallowed. It seemed like it took a concentrated effort. “I-I picked her up and put her in her room. Made it look like she was sleeping.” She paused again and rubbed at her throat, wincing. “Paul’s dad, Rick, came to pick up Kirby and I guess Paul had told him about me. Told him about the girl nobody wanted. He said I could go live with them, too. Some overworked social worker filed something wrong or missed filing anything because I don’t really think anyone cared that I was going away with yet another stranger to a different state.”

And Simon knew what she’d done there. He could see it without her needing to say anything. She stayed out of the way. She made everything easier for Kirby and Rick so she could quietly earn her keep. Kept her head down and mouth shut. Pulled more than her weight. Because that’s what she did. That’s what she’d always done. “Was he good to you?”

“Better than I deserved, I think. Paul must’ve learned how to be kind to unwanted things from him. But I knew I was just a guest in his house. And when I graduated, I stayed close. I couldn’t let go of Kirby. She was…is the best thing that ever happened to me.” And that was the whole of it. He knew what came next. University. Her internship. Her job in the archives. Neat little boxes until the tunnel blew it all to hell.

“She’s lucky to have you.”

She laughed and regretted it. “Doubtful. More trouble than I’m worth. You can attest to that.”

And that crack in Simon’s chest whispered and widened. “I think you’re worth a lot, actually.” He wanted to swallow the words back as soon as they slipped by his lips. It was too much.

Her eyes shot open and widened as she looked at him. Like she couldn’t believe it. Didn’t believe it. “Oh.” She blinked several times in rapid succession before turning back to look over the city. “Thank you.” And then he watched her wince. At least he wasn’t the only one who felt odd up here on the roof. “I think you’re the only one who’s ever said that to me.” And before he could respond to that, she started walking quickly toward the door back inside. “I think we should go back down before someone catches us up here.”

And again, Simon followed where she led.

It shouldn’t have surprised you to see Soap lurking outside Kirby’s door by the time you made it back. He was pretending to read a magazine when you and Simon walked up. He winked at you before Simon stood beside him and you made your way back into Kirby’s room. The baby was fussing and Kirby explained that the doctor had just administered her first vaccine and eye drops.

“My brave little girl,” Kirby said, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s forehead.

“Have you decided on a name? Are you continuing the video game monikers?”

(Paul had managed to convince Chauncey that Kirby was a perfectly acceptable name—not that she fought him much on anything—and had a strong meaning and was definitely not his favorite video game character.)

Kirby giggled. “Maybe.” The baby settled, cherubic cheek pressed against her mother’s chest. “But I’m thinking Pauline for a first name.”

Your heart broke in a good way. A cathartic ache. “It’s perfect.”

“Pauline Zelda.”

You tried to groan but could only laugh. It worked.

But the lights overhead flickered for a moment and you tried to ignore how your entire body reacted, seizing and locking each of your joints. You quickly looked out into the hallway to see Soap and Simon both outside the door, now both pretending to read the magazine while staying within earshot. They didn’t seem fazed so you tried to push out a slow breath, forcing yourself to relax.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. Probably just a little jumpy still.”

Kirby just laughed. “Remember a couple of years ago with that blackout that came out of nowhere?”

The subtle gaze Soap sent toward Simon had you frowning. That blackout had been explained as a power surge but there was now something at the back of your head whispering that it wasn’t what you had believed. (It was probably because you and Kirby had seen an explosion and it didn’t look like it was just a converter giving out.) You know what? You weren’t going to ask.

“We spent that whole night sipping on soda and eating your melting ice cream out of the freezer.” Kirby reached out and nudged at your elbow. “Remember?”

You sighed, fighting a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember.” She’d made you laugh until your stomach hurt, regaling you with tales of her classes at Northwestern and the shenanigans she got up to with her ragtag team of friends.

Kirby was quiet for a little longer before shifting and placing little Pauline into your arms. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Other than the obvious?” You asked, pressing a surely crooked smile to your face. “I’ve never been happier.” It was almost true.

Eventually, Kirby settled in to rest, hoping for more than the handful of minutes she’d had earlier, and you excused yourself after apologizing for having to leave so soon. “You aren’t leaving forever, silly.” She mused, a tired smile pressing at her mouth. “I’ll see you soon, yeah? I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you replied, the syllables breaking on your tongue as you kissed her forehead and then did the same to a happily sleeping Pauline. And it was time to go—your time was up. You kept your eyes on your sister as the door closed, trying to press the picture into your mind…just in case.

Simon and Soap quietly led you back downstairs and Gaz and Price wordlessly stepped to your side when you hit the lobby, boxing you in as you walked back out to the SUV. You sagged against the seat. The last handful of hours had been a lot. Beautiful and strange in several different ways.

You needed a nap.

Simon settled in next to you as the engine started and you watched him for a moment, knowing he was well aware of your gaze. You’d poured out your pathetic life story to him. Left your cards out on the proverbial table. He hadn’t seemed at all disturbed or grossly intrigued like a few others had been. He had been quiet. But maybe you should’ve seen that one coming.

Soap filled the quiet of the SUV with stories about him being a doting uncle to his gaggle of nieces and nephews. It was fun to listen to and you might have to take his trick about sneaking Pauline chocolate whenever she ate something she didn’t like; his nieces always needed to be bribed whenever brussel sprouts ended up on their plates. “Gotta balance it out,” he said with a grin.

You were nearly dead on your feet by the time the lock to your room beeped and you slipped inside. Toeing off your shoes, you washed your face and changed back into your pajamas despite it nearing breakfast time now. But you didn’t mind when you heard the wall click.

“Olright?” Simon asked. “Big day.”

Your laugh hurt and was more of a squeak anyway. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He nodded, but still lingered. And you didn’t mind the company. “Where are you from?” It was an innocuous enough question. But you really didn’t know much about him at all. You had just dumped your mess of a life story at his feet and didn’t even know where he was born.

“Manchester.” He gave the answer easily and didn’t move from his place beside you.

And you had to smile. Maybe you should’ve guessed it with the accent, but you were always bad at placing those. “Did you know that the oldest library in the UK is in Manchester? I always wanted to go when I was doing my internship in London, ages ago.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Never found the time.” You sighed, not brave enough to look at him now. Not brave enough to linger on the thought that you might have met him years ago if you had made a different choice. But Manchester was a big city and you weren’t exactly someone who’d walk up to someone you found attractive and introduce yourself. And Simon didn’t seem the type, either. …not that he thought you were attractive—SHUT UP! “Maybe after all this is over, I’ll go.”

The combined adrenaline and exhaustion from everything was probably making you think you could take on the world, but you did have a list miles-long of places you wanted to see, restaurants you wanted to try, things you wanted to do. If you could survive being on a known terrorist’s hit list, maybe you could actually live your life. Maybe. Maybe you’d start with that bakery down the street in your neighborhood across town (and then work your way back up to international travel; this trip to London was proving to be a lot). It supposedly had good chocolate croissants-

“I could show you.”

Your mouth hung open, dumbly, just for a moment at Simon’s simple sentence. “You would?”

He looked at you, his stare heavy and unblinking. “‘Course.”

That one word felt like a brick to your sternum. “Oh.”

Next Chapter

A/N: Sorry this chapter was so "talk-y" but I figured you guys (and Simon) deserved some answers before [redacted redacted redacted]. Please let me know what you think! Your comments really keep me motivated!

#Simon Riley x reader #Simon ghost Riley x reader #simon Riley x you #ghost x reader #cod x reader #cod fanfic #simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #cod mw3 #female reader

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clockwayswrites · 10 months ago

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City Pigeons Bleed Green - Part 18

masterpost

“You’re still here.”

Danny hated that he said that.

Of course Bruce was still there if he was sitting at the table, coffee raised halfway to his mouth. Danny didn’t need to state the obvious like that, especially not to someone like Bruce Wayne. Since apparently Bruce Wayne was Batman. But, it was just that… Bruce was still there.

The morning light was drifting through the window, bright compared to the rain of yesterday. Danny had woken up back in the apartment, slipped away from Hood with a soft explanation he was hungry, and there Bruce was. It was a new day and Bruce was still there.

Bruce set his coffee down and smiled. It was a little crooked and slightly uncertain.

It was Danny’s own smile.

“Morning, chum,” Bruce said. His voice was rough with sleep, the letters almost seemed to catch on each other. Clearly Bruce wasn’t a morning person either. “Are they letting you have coffee yet and do you want any?”

Danny stepped fully into the main living space. “Only a cup and not with any sugar. I can have cream though.”

Bruce nodded and stood. “How much cream?”

“Oh, I can get it—” Danny said quickly, jolting forward a step.

“It’s not a problem, Danny. Go ahead and take a seat,” Bruce said with a little wave to the table. He grabbed one of the cups from the drying rack and held it up in question.

Danny pouted for just a moment before he relented and headed for the table. “About a quarter cream, since I can’t have sugar.”

Bruce nodded and made up the coffee. When he came back to the table he brought the plate of muffins Hood had made with him and set it in the middle of the table. Danny waited for Bruce to sit before he pulled the coffee close to him, cradling it for the warmth.

The apartment was silent for a time as they both drank their coffee and Danny started on a muffin. He unwrapped it before turning it upside down and starting to pick at the bottom first. When he noticed Bruce’s curious gaze he ducked his head with a little shrug.

“The top is the best bit, so I save it for last. My p— they… no one cooked much at h—where I grew up.”

“That’s smart,” Bruce said, thankfully ignoring the rest of Danny’s stumbling words. “Jason learned a lot of what he cooks from Alfred, though he’s expanded his flavor combinations since he’s lived on his own.”

“He’s good. It’s been really nice,” Danny said. He hesitated before asking, “Who’s Alfred?”

Bruce smiled fondly. “Officially my butler, but he’s the man who raised me after my parents died.”

“He’s the real head of the house,” Red— Tim said through a yawn as he stumbled into the room. He looked at the table with the two of them and the muffins before he just made some sort of strangled noise and dropped onto the couch that was still made up as a bed.

“Tim is right,” Bruce said, unconcerned by the fact his son seemed asleep again. “Alfred does his best to keep us all in line. I know he’s looking forward to meeting you, once you’re ready to come be at the Manor.”

Danny jolted, a chunk of muffin crushed suddenly between his fingers. “The Manor?”

Bruce set his mug down slowly. “Once you’re ready, of course. There’s no rush for you to move, we all want you to be comfortable first.”

“No, I mean, just… you’d want me there? At your home?”

Bruce’s whole face softened sadly. It was in little ways, but Bruce’s face was one Danny could read easily. It felt almost invasive how much Danny could see in Bruce’s too familiar eyes.

“Danny, I get that… it might take you time to accept it, but I meant it yesterday: I would love to have you in my family. The others were right to keep me away before because you asked to not meet me yet, but if you hadn’t, they would have brought you home that night. You’ve been family since you found us.”

“They found me,” Danny whispered. He was worried if he said much more, if he thought much more about Bruce’s words, that he would start crying again.

“You got to Gotham— you got to where we could find you,” Bruce said, “and that was very, very brave of you.”

Danny sniffled and wiped at his eyes. Okay, so maybe he was crying again.

“What did you do to him, old man?” Hood snapped, voice still heavily with sleep.

Danny shook his head. “N-nothing. He— he wants me to go to the manor.”

The resulting silence gave Danny enough time to get his tears mostly under control, though he still accepted the tissue Hood handed up as he crouched down by Danny’s chair.

“You don’t have to go, if you don’t want,” Hood said.

Oh he was making a mess of this, of course he was. “No! I do! I just… I just didn’t think I’d get a home again.”

“You’ve got lots of homes now, Dandelion,” Hood said, his words a soft rumble. “You’ve got the Manor and my place and Dick’s place. And I’m pretty sure you could weasel out of Tim access to his place we all pretend he doesn’t have that he goes to when he needs space.”

“Fuck you,” Tim mumbled into the pillow.

Danny clutched desperately at Hood’s sleeve. “Will you come to the Manor? Just… just at first?”

Hood’s whole face softened. “Course, kid. We all still have rooms there. We’ll have to do it like here, where we change around some so we can keep looking after the city, but I’ll still be around lots until you settle.”

“All of my kids are always welcome, whenever they want,” Bruce said in a purposeful sort of way.

Hood gave a little snort. “Yeah… anyways, I’m not letting you just eat muffins. What sort of egg do you want?”

Danny made himself let go of Hood’s sleeve. “Scrambled, please.”

“Timbit?”

“Smfts.”

“Sure. Bruce?”

“Scrambled is good,” Bruce said softly.

---

AN: You al voted so here is the first chunk of the chapter! Lots of little gentle ways Danny being there is helping heal the rest of the family that hopefully you all can see, even if Danny doesn't.

#dp x dc #batpham #city pigeons

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downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le · 11 months ago

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Always Been You (Dick Grayson x Reader) - Chapter 6

Always Been You (Dick Grayson x Reader) Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Word Count: 2946 Warnings: death, violence, fighting, bloody wounds, angst, infuriatingly oblivious love interest, slowburn Spoilers: Young Justice Seasons 1-3 plot partially, but it ended in 2022 so catch up.

Y/N Prince - miracle daughter of Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor - and Dick Grayson - first adoptive son of the Batman himself - have been best friends since day one. They went to school together, trained together, kept each other's alter ego secret from everyone else, and they founded the Young Justice alongside their friends together.

But as time progressed, Y/N and Dick grew up and Y/N found herself wanting more than friendship with Dick. But he never seemed to indicate that he reciprocated her feelings. And when Wally died and Dick abandoned the team, Y/N realised he never would. So she heads to the one place she knows will help her become a stronger warrior so that one day she can take her mother's place: Themyscira.

Two years after his leave, Dick reaches out to his old friends to help him with a mission. But when he finds out Y/N left too, he chases after her in the hopes to bring her back.

However, when the two finally reunite, it isn't as warm as he hopes. Not to mention Themyscira becomes under siege as they go to war against Echidna, the Mother of Monsters in Greek Mythology, and her army of monstrous children.

Will Dick and Y/N be able to put their past behind them and save the Amazonians' homeland? Or will they fall, unable to tell one another their true feelings?

~~~

'...Starting tomorrow, we prepare for Echidna's war,' Queen Hippolyta announced to those in the War Chamber.

After Echidna's kraken attack, the Queen had called for an emergency meeting in the War Chamber to discuss matters. Generals and their lieutenants discussed the right protocols and procedures they would instruct their soldiers to carry out over the coming days. It was well past midnight now, but no one in the chamber looked as if sleep would come easily when they returned to their own chambers.

'For now, head back to bed. Hera knows we are going to need all of our energy to face what lies ahead.' Everyone simply bowed their heads in understanding and left the chamber. Except for Y/N.

She was staring intensely at the small sculptured map of the entire island - as if trying to commit every stair, every mountain, every grain of sand to memory - when a hand on her shoulder pulled her from her trance.

'You too, my dear,' Queen Hippolyta said gently. 'You have endured much tonight. Go. Rest.'

'What? No.' Y/N shook off her grandmother's hand and stood up tall, but she could not help rubbing her tired eyes as she strained to keep them open. 'We should be preparing now, Grandmother. Echidna will certainly not be resting before she tries to destroy all of Themyscira. I will not let her.'

'I know, dear child.' Queen Hippolyta gently cupped Y/N's face and turned her attention away from the map. 'But what good are soldiers if they do not rest? We have three days - there will be plenty of time for sleepless nights then. For now, I am telling you to rest.'

Y/N had to admit she was exhausted. She had been training all these months, but hadn't been in a real fight with real danger since she'd left the team. Her body was already starting to ache, and so she conceded. 'Is that an order from her Royal Highness?'

'It is an order from your grandmother,' the queen replied with a soft smile. She brought Y/N's forehead to her lips briefly before she finally let go. 'Rest. Our work begins tomorrow.'

Y/N nodded then headed for the War Chamber doors. Now that she'd acknowledged it, her exhaustion was now weighing on her eyes more heavily, and the thought of falling into her crisp linen bed sounded heavenly.

As soon as she opened the door to leave, however, she was met with, 'So what did you talk about?'

Dick Grayson didn't look an ounce tired as he pushed off from his place on the wall and sauntered up to her. Damn, had he waited there for three hours? It didn't matter. All that mattered was getting to her bed and he certainly wasn't going to stop her now.

'Nothing you need to worry yourself about,' Y/N deflected as she made her way down the corridor. She was hoping her stern tone would hint that she was in no mood to talk, but Dick Grayson was not one to read such obvious signs.

'What's that supposed to mean?' he asked, following swiftly after her. 'You woke up every general and their lieutenant to discuss what then? A new uniform?'

'If you want to make jokes about my people's future existence, then we definitely don't have anything to talk about,' Y/N bit back, increasing her pace as she turned around a corner.

'Then what did you guys talk about in there?' Dick insisted. Y/N had to give it to him, he was persistent. 'Look, I want to help. But how can I if you won't talk to me?'

'Just because you caught me tonight, does not mean I am obliged to answer your every question.'

'Catching you? I saved your life! Speaking of which, I think a "thank you" is at least the minimum you can say to me right now. Which, by the way, you're welcome for. But if you won't say it, then tell me why I can't possibly help you with this.'

'Because this doesn't concern you,' Y/N replied, reaching the spiral staircase that led up to floor of her chambers. She started her ascent as she continued. 'This isn't your war to fight. You weren't even meant to be here.'

'So what do I do then?' Dick asked, his tone offended as he still followed her up the stairs. 'Just jump on a sailing ship tomorrow and head back to Blüdhaven like none of this ever happened?'

'Oh, so that's where you've settled down. How noble of you.'

'I'm being serious, Y/N.' Dick grabbed Y/N's wrist with a grip tight enough to halt her charge, but loose enough to let her know she could escape any time. She had just reached the next floor when he did, leaving him two steps below her eyesight.

'So am I,' she hissed back, but her anger was superficial. Her bed was just down the corridor and Richard bloody Grayson was doing everything in his power to stop her from reaching it.

She tugged her wrist out of his grip and looked down at him with a glare so severe she hoped he would catch fire. 'Go home. To your life of freedom and abandonment, to the girl who undoubtedly is waiting for you in your disgusting apartment, to the team, I don't care! Just go.'

The pair stood looking at each for the longest time. The window beside the staircase entrance allowed the light of the full moon to shine onto Dick's flawless, sharp face. The pale light cast shadows under his eyes, hollowed his cheekbones. And for the first time since coming to the island, the cocky glint in his eyes wasn't there.

It was the most serious Y/N had ever seen him, even when they were both on the same team together doing the most craziest and dangerous missions that either of them could've died on.

He was telling her the truth, and that one fact made her soften her glare.

'Why do you hate me so much?' he asked, his voice cracking slightly as if he were on the verge of tears.

This took Y/N aback.

Hate. She'd never used the word in association with Dick. Even when he left, even when he never came back, even when he never spared her another thought or word. She wanted to slap him, tell him he was stupid because how could she ever hate him after she'd spent so much time feeling the very opposite for him?

Y/N didn't hate Dick Grayson, but she couldn't forgive him for what he'd done either.

'You left me,' she finally said, voice low so as not to release all her emotions at once. 'You left all of us behind as if we were nothing. As if we weren't family. You left when we - when I needed you the most. What? Did you expect me to just be waiting for you when you decided to come back? Were you ever going to come back, Dick? Well?'

He had no reply, only a face expressing a full range of emotions. Shock, sadness, guilt, shame.

The last one gave Y/N her answer.

It wasn't until Dick reached for her cheek that Y/N realised she was crying. She was too shocked to bat away his hand as he wiped her cheek gently, smoothing away her tears. Despite the cold night, his hand was warm, and in her moment of weakness, Y/N allowed her eyes to close for just a moment and lean into his touch.

Once or twice she'd dreamed of a moment like this, where Dick would hold her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. But that's all it was, a dream.

Remembering herself, Y/N pulled away from Dick's hand and hastily wiped her tears. His hand hung in the air for a moment longer before letting it fall to his side in defeat.

'I should go rest,' Y/N said after an eternity of silence. 'We start preparations and training at dawn. I will make sure someone sets you on your way early tomorrow. It will be as if you never had come to Themyscira.'

'But I will remember,' Dick said gently. 'I will know what is happening.'

Y/N nodded in agreement. 'But it is not your war to fight.'

Dick stared at her, the blues in his eyes swirling like tumultuous waves as if battling with himself. Eventually he nodded and took a step down.

'We both leave at dawn, then?' he asked.

'So it would seem,' Y/N answered.

'And I will never see you again?'

Y/N hadn't contemplated this, but now that it was out there, there indeed was a high chance that they would never see each other again. Not only him, but the rest of the team, her mother.

Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat and said, 'It is a sacrifice every warrior offers up before every battle.'

It wasn't a straight answer, but it was enough for Dick it seemed as he said, 'Then I wish you the best of luck, Princess.'

Y/N didn't like how distant he sounded when he used her title. It wasn't him, it wasn't her. All of it was wrong, but had it not been herself that insisted he call her by such? To put distance between them? To communicate her anger with him, and make it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him ever again?

She'd dug her own grave, and so now she must lay in it.

'You too, Nightwing,' she managed to get out, and then Dick was descending, leaving Y/N alone with her jumbled thoughts and emotions on the stairs. She'd been exhausted before, but now she was wide awake.

Y/n stayed at the top of the stairs well after Dick's footsteps stopped echoing, unable to move over the threshold of the past into the future. She'd just unofficially said goodbye to her best friend and the love of her life. So much was left unsaid - maybe for the best, or possibly it would be her biggest regrets if she didn't make it through this war.

Y/N finally managed to pull herself away from the staircase at that thought. I must rest now, she told herself as she finally made it to her chambers. Tomorrow, I have a war to try and win.

~~~

T minus three days until Echidna's War

Y/N doesn't remember when she fell asleep, but she does remember taking a long time to do so after her conversation with Dick. All that had been said - all that hadn't been said - had left her tossing and turning for a long time after she slipped into her linen bed.

However, she was very much awake the moment she felt warm sun rays bathe her skin.

Her eyes flew open as realisation shocked her into action. I'm late! Y/N looked out the window briefly and saw the sun high in the sky; it was well and truly past dawn.

Faster than she'd ever done before, Y/N dressed in her warrior uniform, grabbed her sword that she always had on hand in case of an emergency, and sprinted through the palace and down to the training grounds.

The other women were never going to let her live this down if they were to survive Echidna's war, but they were not going to survive by sleeping in. It only appeared to be early morning, but the warriors would've been working for a solid few hours by now. Precious hours that Y/N had wasted sleeping in, instead of training or making blockades or literally doing anything more helpful.

By the time she reached the training grounds, she was the most out of breath she'd ever been in her life. Y/N quickly spotted Calliope supervising a group of young warriors as they practised using monster nets against some wooden dummies.

'Well look who finally decided to wake from their beauty sleep,' Calliope said with a smirk as Y/N approached her.

'I slept pretty bad last night,' Y/N explained. 'And no one came to wake me up. Where is the group I'm meant to be taking?'

Still smirking, Calliope pointed to a large crowd seemingly gathered around one person. Whoever it was, they had to be interesting, as women and young girls were enamoured with whoever was talking.

'Who is that?' Y/N asked, unable to see the instructor through the thick crowd.

'The reason you slept bad last night,' Calliope answered smoothly, and Y/N felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment and shock.

Not wanting to be teased any further, Y/N staunched over to the crowd and forced the women to part so she could reach the front of the crowd. And there in the centre on the ground, pointing at seemingly random points on a map of Themyscira, was Dick Grayson.

'...Now we don't know specifically what Echidna is going to throw at us,' Dick said to the group, 'but my guess is she is going to send big and small creatures alike. With the small creatures, I suggest setting up traps here, here, and here where the passages are narrow and there is only one way out. We'll lure them into the passageway and then take them out from above.'

'What if they can fly?' one soldier asked.

'Then we lure them to places like the caverns on the east side of the island. Or we make nets to secure the creature's exits out over the passages that have no roofs. Let's go scout those areas today and start setting up what we need weapons and equipment wise there. Any questions?'

'I do,' Y/N found herself saying, finally drawing everyone's - including Dick's - attention to her arrival. 'What do you think you're doing?'

Dick stood up and made to step towards her. 'Y/N, I-'

'Give us a minute,' Y/N directed at the crowd, and they all quickly dispersed at her stern tone. When everyone had either started their own conversations or started sparring to kill the time, Y/N finally addressed Dick.

'What in the name of Hera do you think you're doing ordering my soldiers around?' she seethed, though she was more angry at herself still than him. 'I thought I told you to go home. You're meant to be on a ship sailing back to Blüdhaven by now.'

'I was,' Dick agreed, and that seriousness from last night returned to his stupidly beautiful face once more. It made him look older, wiser. He still looked good, much to Y/N's chagrin. 'But what you said last night got me thinking that... that maybe I need to stay.'

'What?' Y/N couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was he mad? 'Dick, this isn't some silly little mission to complete. We are preparing for war.'

'I know that,' he insisted. 'But... all I've done since Wally's death is run away. It's true; I left the team, I abandoned you - all because I was too scared to try and be brave. Brave... like you.'

Y/N was too shocked to respond, so Dick continued.

'You may hate me, Y/N,' he said, and the look in his eyes surprisingly pained her, 'but I want to stay, I want to help.'

'If you're doing this to make yourself feel better, then you can just leave now-'

'I'm not, Y/N,' Dick interrupted her, now looking into her eyes with such sincerity she knew he was telling the truth. 'I'm doing this because it is the right thing to do. I also just can't accept that I will never see you again. You're too important to me, to the world, to leave behind.'

Y/N's breath hitched as Dick took a step closer to her, never once breaking eye contact. 'I won't abandon you. Never again.'

Those words alone almost broke her facade of cool and uncaring. He meant it. He truly meant it. If he had not just said the words, she would've seen it in his eyes for it was there - the same sentiment.

He would not leave her. Regardless of Themyscira's fate, he would not leave her.

Her Dick Grayson was back.

She regathered her composure by taking a small step away from him. He might be back, but Dick would have to prove himself still if he wanted her back in any capacity.

'Just because I was late, that doesn't mean you take over my training,' she muttered grumpily.

Dick chuckled. 'I didn't steal them. I spoke with Queen Hippolyta herself. She thought it would be a wonderful idea if I stayed to help.'

Y/N sighed in defeat. 'Of course she did,' she muttered. She made a mental note to have a word with her grandmother later about this.

For now, she - and now Dick, it seemed - had a training to conduct.

She spun around to the slightly dispersed crowd of warriors and called out, 'All right. Everyone, grab what you need for the scout today. Half of you will go with Nightwing here to the East Caverns and map out our traps there. The rest of you will come with me to the Northern Passages between the mountains. We leave in ten minutes.'

'Yes, Princess!'

'Well, then, Nightwing,' Y/N said as the group dispersed again to gather their equipment, 'are you ready to go win a war?'

Dick flashed her his signature smile, though his eyes had a renewed sparkle and Y/N wondered if it possibly was because of her.

'Always, Princess.'

'Don't call me that.'

'Oh, but I insist, Princess.'

'One more remark and I'll order the warriors to set you up as bait for the monsters.'

'Whatever you say... Princess.'

--------------------

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ladyloveandjustice · 5 months ago

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My Top 12 Favorite Anime of 2024 (and more)!

We had a lot of good anime in 2024, so here's the list of my top 12 favorites and some bonus great anime as well. If you get tired of clicking the review links, check out my anime overview collection for all of them here.

You can also check out my post about my favorite manga from 2024 here and my favorite books of 2024 here.

These are in no particular order!

Delicious in Dungeon (a.k.a Dungeon Meshi)

Dungeon Meshi is one of my favorite stories period, and easily my top anime of the year. The basic premise is that Laios and his party of adventurers need to travel through a monster-infested dungeon rescue his sister. Rather waste precious time earning money for food, Laios decides they should just eat the monsters they encounter as they travel. But then that simple plot spins off into so much more...

The story combines cooking and adventure animanga expertly. It has some of the most impressive and fascinating worldbuilding I've ever seen, top-tier varied character design and a great plot. It's also funny as hell, and I love its main cast of nuanced eccentric weirdos with all my heart. Even the characters who have five minutes of screen time feel like you could watch a spin-off series about them.

It's not just about food, but the cycle of life and death, about hunger of all kinds, about ecosystems and societies and finding solace in the monstrous...there's a lot simmering under this story!

So, go ahead and eat up! And read my review here for more!

Mayonaka Punch

Canceled YouTuber, Masaki, meets a pathetic lesbian vampire, Live. Live agrees to help Masaki launch a new YouTube channel, but in exchange, Masaki has to let Live suck up all her blood when they reach 100 million subscribers.

This is the kind of stuff I watch anime for. This is what dreams are made of.

Do you support women's wrongs? Are you craving some women who are loveable shitheads? Do you want a great ensemble comedy about five disaster vampires wreaking havoc and a cynical human along for the ride? This show has all that, plus some down bad lesbian vampire shenanigans! But there's also a lot of growth for the main character, and the show has a lot of pathos in how it explores how the internet and its outrage train can do a number on one's mental health.

It's a ton of fun! See my full review here!

Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc.

Being a magical girl is no longer the domain of teenagers, and has evolved into an actual career dominated by adult women. Kana becomes a magical girl for a scrappy start up company, and tries her best to navigate working life.

It's the magical girl story about adult women I've been craving for years! Magical girl media often explores the struggles of adolescence and growing up, and this show takes us to the next step by using magical girls to explore what it’s like to be a young woman entering the working world. The focus is one Kana struggling to grow her confidence and accept support from her workplace, but it also has a lot to say about companies exploiting their workers, prizing efficiency and growth over actually taking care of their customers, and it shows how the world could be better than what it is right now. Check out my review here for more detail!

Girls Band Cry

After being bullied, Nina drops out school and ends up starting a band with four other girls, including the woman whose music saved her at her darkest moment. Nina's determined for the band to stick it to the people who once looked down on them. GBC features some wonderfully messy and entertaining teenage girls, actually incredible CGI animation and great music. Nina, the lead, is allowed to be angry and obnoxious and powered by spite, but the narrative sympathizes with her and loves her spirit, even if she sometimes messes things up. All the girls have rough edges and raw emotion and a great dynamic with each other. They also flip people off a lot.

It was kind of screwed over by streaming, but don't sleep on it! See my review here!

Natsume's Book of Friends (Season 7)

Anime's sweetest boy and his horrible cat (affectionate) are back, and it's time for more yokai adventures! I’ve already talked at length about how this series is special–check out my series review/ Rec post for the series here. I also did an article titled The Courage to Speak: Mental Illness and Recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends that goes into more in-depth analysis. The story is sweet and charming and sometimes heartwrenching and very important to me.

It's yet another season of lovely, bittersweet yokai tales that tug on your heartstrings, the characters continue to heal and grow in slow but satisfying ways. It just feels so nice watching this series again and letting the love, comfort, and catharsis wash over me. See my review here.

Dead Dead Demon's DeDeDeDe Destruction

A giant mothership is hovering over Tokyo. The aliens have done nothing, not even leaving their ship, but Japan and America are already trying to blow that UFO up, and show off who has the best weapons, causing many civilian casualties along the way. Meanwhile, two girls are just trying to living their lives.

This anime goes hard on criticizing the military industrial complex, Japanese nationalism and imperialism, American imperialism, xenophobia, mistreatment of immigrants, rich people, and conspiracy theorists. That means it's often devastating and visceral, but it also follows some fantastic weird girls and their ride-or-die soul bond, as well as other charming, funny teenagers who are just trying to live in a world falling apart around them. You can also look forward to some plot twists that recontextualize everything you know!

You should also see my review for some content warnings and a really important message about episode order if you want more detail, you can read it here.

Senpai is an Otokonoko

Makoto is an "otokonoko" ( a term that means crossdressing boy) and he's figuring out his relationship to gender, and hiding his interests from his mother. A girl named Aoi confesses to him, thinking he's a girl. But he reveals the truth, she's ecstatic about it, much to his shock. Meanwhile, Makoto's best friend Ryuji is also crushing on him...

It's tough to be a queer kid in a world full of rigid gender roles and insidious homophobia, and this anime shows the unfairness of that struggle. But it also shows the joy of finding those who accept and understand you, and of slowly becoming comfortable with who you are. The show knows how to make you really roots for these great kids, and it's really good at tugging the ol' heartstrings. See my review here for more!

A Sign of Affection

The anime follows Yuki, a shy girl who's been deaf since birth, and Itsuomi, a world-traveler and polyglot, fall in love. They both live in very different worlds, but as their romance blooms, they're eager to learn more about each other.

A Sign of Affection is shoujo romance at its sweetest, with soft colors, gentle blushes, tender moments, and plenty of warm fuzzies. The animation is beautiful and the show treats Yuki's perspective with care and delicacy as the story goes on. It also have a great focus on communication and consent in a relationship. Read my review here!

YATAGARASU: The Raven Does Not Choose Its Master

In this world, people have the ability to shapeshift into yatagarasu, the giant three legged ravens from Japanese mythology. Prince Wakamiya, who's next in line for the emperor, is thought to be an incarnation of the powerful "Golden Raven", so the four women chosen as his bride candidates (each who carry the hopes of their respective provinces) compete fiercely for his hand. Yukiya, a canny young boy, has been pulled into being the prince's attendant, and both Yukiya and the women soon find themselves pulled into a deadly web of mysteries and political machinations.

Yatagarasu is a tightly woven tale of political intrigue, featuring lots of palace folk plotting against each other, multiple assassination attempts, spies, fascinating worldbuilding and use of mythology, well executed plot twists, and complex characters. Yukiya is a very likeable little trickster with a heart of gold, and he works well as an audience surrogate who has to keep up with all this weird court drama. In the first half, the story focuses a lot on on women contending with rigid roles and how that leads to both enmity and empathy between them. But disappointingly, most of those characters are dropped or have their roles reduced in the second half of the anime, which is a shame.

Overall, this anime is a story that hooks you with it's story and it's dark, majestic atmosphere and never lets go. It's just plain good, and pretty underrated, so I'd suggest checking it out!

The Apothecary Diaries (Episodes 13-24)

The second half of The Apothecary Diaries was somehow even better than the first half, crafting a compelling ongoing mystery and delving into MaoMao’s backstory. There were quite a few big thrills that made me gasp aloud. MaoMao, the world's best poison-obsessed detective, pulled off some show-stopping feats and she remains an incredible, endearing character. Especially now that we’ve learned she has a killer evil laugh. Check out my review of the first part of The Apothecary Diaries here and slightly more detail on this run of episodes here.

Dandadan

Another one you've probably heard of, it's the story of two kids- Momo, who was abducted by aliens and Okarun, who was cursed by a yokai. Now they have to break Okarun's curese while aliens and yokai are hunting them!

Dandadan is an anime bursting with absurd action and humor, and it has a boppin’ soundtrack and amazing animation from Science Saru. It’s wildly weird in the best way, and the characters are hilarious lovable losers. It's also the rare example of a battle shonen that actually treats its female lead as an equal to her male partner, in screen time and in battle. I adore Momo with all my heart- she's fun, she's bombastic, she's badass, she's everything.

However, the main problem I have with the show is its pattern of putting Momo in sexual peril. I go into more detail about this and the show in general in my review here.

Train to the End of the World

A story about four girls and a dog traveling across a weird, warped version of Japan to find their missing friend, Train to the End of the World is wild. I absolutely adore bizarre anime about equally bizarre girls, and this delivers. We see the girls encounter a cult with mushrooms growing out of their heads, screaming goatmen and even zombies on their journey. The dynamic between the different characters is great, and the dialogue is snappy. If you appreciate wild and weird zaniness that also has a lot of heart and great friendships, give this show a try. My full review is here.

Bonus Anime- some other stuff you might want to check out!

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

Despite an extremely goofy title Cherry Magic quickly became a surprisingly grounded, thoughtful and heartfelt BL romance worth watching. See my full review here.

7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys a Carefree Life Married to Her Worst Enemy!

Rishe has lived seven lives, had lots of adventures, and in every single one of them, she has been killed as result of the world war started by the emperor of a neighboring kingdom. Each time Rishe dies, she's sent back to the moment the crown prince of her own country broke off their engagement (she's actually pretty happy about it). But in her seventh life, the future Emperor sees her, is instantly smitten by how cool she is and proposes to her. Rishe decides she might as well enjoy life chilling in the palace before things inevitably go to hell.

7th Time Loop has a fun conceit, and it features a vivacious, badass heroine who's a joy to watch. Having lived as a commoner in most of her past lives, she's ready to use her smarts to help people--whether it's going undercover to help a maid who's being bullied or addressing illiteracy among the servant girls. Whether she's beating up kidnappers or politically maneuvering, she's learning and growing and kicking ass. While her love interest is a bit too broody for me, I do deeply relate to how Rishe's badassery clearly turns him on. The antagonists and plot are sometimes a bit silly, but it's always a good time. A josei anime about an awesome gal is just what the doctor ordered.

Acro Trip

A silly show about a magical girl fangirl who's recruited to an evil organization by an incompetent villain, Acro Trip is a lot of fun, and I recommend it to any magical girl enjoyer. I also recommend it to anyone who loves pathetic failguys and girls. Our "villain" Chrome is the most hilariously pathetic of them all. You like bad boys? Well this man is literally bad at everything. See my full review here.

Whisper Me a Love Song

I have to give a shoutout to the only textual yuri anime that came out this year--it's production basically completely collapsed, but it's still watchable and the story is a sweet and solid girl band romance. At least consider giving the manga a shot if nothing else! See my review here!

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ash-says · 1 year ago

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Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 2:

1) Get your basics straight. Education. Boundaries. Financial independence. Further breaking it down and linking it if you get proper education at some point you are bound to get an awareness of this world, if you are able to adapt and improvise yourself and develop your emotional intelligence and get your boundaries straight you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama and problems. Education (formal and informal) both will help you in gaining opportunities and if you are financially independent, you are holding the power to make your own decisions.

2) Develop thick skin. Your mom is calling you names. Slut, whore and what not. Your dad doesn't trust you and abuses you physically. So, what now? Are you going to let them define what you are or internalize the anger and use it as a fuel to become successful? Choice is yours.

3) They say you don't owe an explanation to anyone. Sorry to burst your little bubble. Actually you do. We live in a society and have relationships that we need to maintain for survival. This hyper independent stuff is only good to read. We have responsibilities that we need to fulfill. If you don't owe an explanation to anyone then don't cry about a closure from someone too. If you can live by this go ahead and practice it.

4) Stop isolating yourself. That's it. That's the point.

5) First kill the fear inside you. Being a rebel outside the house is no good. Be disciplined. Know how to manipulate your family members in your favor and if you can't just find the weak points and threaten. I know it's difficult to implement but you learn through trial and error. Plus something is better than nothing.

6) Stop glorifying people who treat you with kindness and love. That's the bare minimum. Just because you didn't get it served in a silver spoon doesn't mean it is not served in a silver spoon. People can have ulterior motives and even if they don't fix it in your brain that's normal. No rose colored glasses allowed.

7) Don't be afraid of indulging in your sexuality. No I am not saying go and have sex with people. I mean it in a deeper sense. Connect with the repressed sexual side and try to find healthy outlets. Don't dim yourself to fit in others'expectations or to ease someone's insecurity. Be unapologetic about your wants and desires. Know yourself. It's a powerful energy source if you know how to use it positively.

8) Cry, cry and cry. Wail like a child. No need to keep it all in. No need to act like a macho woman BUT only in front of your god or your belief system. Max in front of your truly trusted people.

9) Question everything as easily as breathing. Doubt every thing. Every action. Every person. What proof do you have to not doubt ? Stop giving benefit of doubts. Stop looking for excuses on how they could be good and instead look for ways in which they can harm you. That's your lottery to be poised and composed. It's just what it is.

10) Obsession. We have it in loads. That's natural to us. So the trick here is to be obsessive. Hella obsessive but about things, topics, goals, subjects, inanimate things,etc. God forbid but never be obsessive about a person. Not even over your dead body. Why? For that I need to make another detailed post I think.

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hells-wasabii · 1 year ago

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I’m shamelessly asking for some Carmilla Carmine x fem!reader where reader gets nearly killed during extermination day, maybe severely hurt kind of thing cuz I’m a sucker for angst

A/N: And I am shamelessly answering this wholeheartedly Can I just say that I love Carmilla?? And one can never have enough angst. I went ahead and decided to make it a drabble

A/n's A/N: I came back after finishing this, i really didn't mean for it to get so long. It's not a drabble anymore, it's a short fic. the word count is nearly three times what i usually allot for my drabbles.

Character: Carmilla

Type: Fic (Carmilla x fem!reader injured during extermination, Angst, Fluff)

All it takes is one second. Time meant everything during the annual extermination. If you drop your guard, let yourself get distracted, it could mean certain death. This was something that Carmilla had been extra diligent in teaching her daughters, and something that she had always reminded you, her love, her heart, of constantly.

You would always offer a soft smile of reassurance, pressing a kiss to the overlord's hand.

But things don't always go as planned, do they?

No one expected to get separated.

There had been an explosion that had taken out most of the city block. Some sinner trying to put up a fight before their inevitable demise, her daughters informed her after the fact. She had found Odette and Clara easily, both on the same side of the blast as she had been, but she had lost sight of you. You hadn't been caught in the blast, she knew that for sure. You were durable enough for something as measly as that to not be of much effect, anyhow.

But the fact that she didn't know where you had gone made her nervous. No one was truly safe during the exterminations, only hellborns and the king.

Her blood ran cold when your scream met her ears, her head snapping in the direction.

No.

Carmilla was in motion before her mind could catch up. The arms dealer instinctively ran through the streets littered with death and destruction, Clara and Odette calling after her. It wasn't like their mother to act so impulsively.

Turning the corner, there you were, lying in a slowly growing pool of blood. The arms dealer deflated upon seeing you in such a state. If only she had gotten here sooner. Luckily, the exorcist has gone. Likely to chase down some other damned soul like an animal, she thought bitterly. Skidding to a stop, she dropped to her knees at your side.

You were in a bad state, disheveled, bruised, bloodied. The worst of it appeared to be a rather large stab wound just above your hip, likely from some sort of spear.

But you were still breathing, nonetheless. You could still be saved. Hope bloomed in Carmilla's chest, as she pushed aside your blouse to better reveal the worst of your injuries.

"Girls," Carmilla called out once she was sure that it was safe for them to follow.

As she checked you for other injuries her daughters knelt by her side.

"Mother, here." Clara sounded as frantic as Carmilla felt. The overlord briefly turned to her daughter, surprised to find her taking off her coat to offer her. "To apply pressure," her daughter clarified. Her heart swelled at the action, accepting the coat and pressing it to your wound.

"Look!" Odette called out, and out of the corner of her eye, Carmilla saw her pointing to the sky. "The angels are retreating!"

"She's right!" Clara chimed in, placing a hand on her mother's shoulder, "We should get her back home, then we can tend to the wound properly."

Carmilla had never felt prouder of her daughters, they truly had grown into exceptional young women. She made a mental note to properly thank the both of them once things had settled.

But home was too far away, they would never make it there before you bled out. Lady luck was on your side as the four of you hadn't been too far from one of their safe houses, however, they needed to move quickly before you lost too much blood.

The next hour and a half were a blur. The moment they had unlocked the door to the safe house the Carmines got to work

Your wounds were cleaned and dressed. Carmilla herself had been the one to wash off the blood and dirt that caked your skin and you were laid up in bed. Odette and Clara had left once they were sure you would recover, choosing to give you and their mother space.

The arms dealer couldn't help feeling partially responsible. She thought if only she had been more diligent, and kept you close to her, maybe you wouldn't be left in such a state. The realization hit her, hard. She could have lost you.

"Carmilla?" your voice pulled the overlord from her thoughts. You were awake! In an instant she was by your side, taking your hand in hers.

"It's okay darling, Everything is alright now." You don't answer, at least not with your words. instead, with a grateful smile turning up the corners of your lips, you gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She couldn't help but return the smile, relieved. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to your temple.

"Funny, for a moment there, I thought I'd somehow made it to heaven. Mistook you for an angel," you managed out a strained laugh, though you immediately regretted it when a sharp pain shot through your lower abdomen. Your smile returned, however, as Carmilla couldn't help but roll her eyes. But you had met your mark, the arms dealer finally let the tension leave her body.

"Mi amore."

"Yes, Carmilla?" You at first thought that the arms dealer was going to scold you for making light of the situation. You never would have expected the next words out of her mouth. She breathed out, gaze softening, her request was barely above a whisper.

"Marry me."

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin headcanons #hazbin imagine #carmilla carmine x reader #carmilla x reader #carmilla carmine

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alexanderlightweight · 2 months ago

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Could I ask for something in the the worth of a life vs or in the guided by my unchained heart vs? I don't really have anything specific so I'm fine with anything

akjenflakjn yes. you can. please do in fact. here is the next part for when Alec is mostly out of danger and Magnus dealing with the misunderstanding Jace and Izzy are dealing with. I hope you enjoy!!

first part of the worth of a life (I just realized probs most people don't know the plot so its: asmodeus asks for magnus to break the parabatai bond instead of for Magnus' magic. in order for Magnus to save Jace. because Asmodeus thinks Alec will break up with Magnus for the 'betrayal'. so no Magnus losing his magic

<3 lumine

the worth of a life

Alec wakes for a second time and wishes he didn’t. He would have held his breath until unconscious if it weren’t for the way his body automatically relaxes as the realization he’s safe and in Magnus’ arms hits him.

Adamas can be fatal for anyone with a deep or harsh enough wound.

Even shadowhunters.

It is very rare to recover from a wound made from adamas. Even if the arrow hadn’t been stabbed completely through his chest and out his back, the arrow itself still pierced his heart.

Alec’s body is in upheaval, his very being wrought with the feeling of agony at having been betrayed by one of his own blades. To have it wielded against him in such a way is an anathema.

Shadowhunters, especially ones from gifted bloodlines, did not easily relinquish their weapons. Often they were heirlooms, passed down between the children who were drawn to them.

Giving his bow to Magnus, even to save his sister, was comparable to blasphemy and the only reason it’s not considered treason is because none of them thought it plausible and Magnus didn’t follow through.

Magnus was completely right when he said the Clave never imagined downworlders being involved in their own personal events and customs or using their own personal laws, so they’ve left a plethora of gaping hools and easily manipulable loopholes.

Even better, the Clave can’t change them before they are implemented and they can’t stop Alec and Magnus because they prepare all the work and research ahead of time so while the Clave scrambles to find and change rules before Magnus and Alec can use one, it’s no use.

There are thousands of rules that they just assume aren’t feasible, when really they’re just waiting to be used. The Clave’s bigotry is so intense that it’s a weapon easily used against them.

Magnus and he are in charge every time they use a law against the Clave, the Clave just hasn’t realized it yet.

Despite his thoughts turning from his injuries to admiring the man he loves, Alec remembers again the night and he sighs, pressing a kiss to an exhausted — no doubt because he traveled to Edom, saved Jace, rescued Alec and then helped heal him — Magnus brow. He carefully — because it hurts to breathe and move and even the beating of his heart aches with an echo of pain — nuzzles closer and shuts his eyes.

When Magnus feels like waking they will. Until there and probably even after, there is no place he’d rather be than here.

In Magnus arms.

As Alec drifts back to sleep his thoughts wander and a part of his cauterized soul aches, but it’s strangely not the worst pain he’s felt from it and while it comes and goes it doesn’t overwhelm him..

—

Magnus wakes with the magical buzz of an alert telling him his phone is ringing from an allowed contact. He answers it without looking only to hear quiet, wavering sobs that he recognizes.

“Jace?”

“Magnus—” Jace’s voice is raw and devastated and Magnus mentally sighs as he realizes he’s not going to be able to sleep any longer no matter how exhausted he is.

“What?”

“Please, I know I have no right but let me see him. Let me see his body.”

Magnus blinks rapidly before he realizes just what is going on and it’s only with the knowledge that the wards will let him know if Alexander’s condition changes that he leaves the room.

“Jace, listen to me. No, do not start begging, just shut up and listen to me.” There’s a moment of unsteady breathing before quiet and Magnus sighs, “Alexander is still alive, Jace.” Across the phone there’s a relieved rattle that sounds nearly inhuman in its relief. “He’s struggling and barely made it, but I assure you that he’s alive. The parabatai bond didn’t survive the owl being purged from your body and the magic that it took to do so.” Which, while a small omission, isn’t an outright lie either.

It was simply the price of success rather than a side effect.

However unless Jace specifically asks, Magnus will keep his mouth sealed. Perhaps it is a bit petty, but even when Alexander outright asked Jace and Clary hadn’t told him the truth. If Jace ever asks, Magnus will at least tell him the truth.

There’s no words, just harsh drawn out silence and Magnus is beginning to worry he’ll need to send a fire message to Isabelle since Jace is crying now.

Raw sobs so loud that Magnus has to pull the phone away from his ear with a frown. He understands the relief, the purge of emotions if Jace had thought Alec dead, but he’s too tired to suffer through the sound.

“Jace, Jace I don’t have time for this so pull yourself together.” Because Magnus doesn’t have time. This isn’t callousness. Magnus simply doesn’t have energy for it. He went to Edom, returned and survived a deal with his father, saved Jace and then Alec before portaling them home and summoning Catarina before they spent over twelve hours healing Alexander.

He needs to eat and sleep and recover his magic so that he can keep Alexander safe and breathing and his wounded and raw heart beating. “I think I understand what happened, the parabtai bond snapped for you, it did for Alec as well. If I hadn’t cut off the shaft and held the arrowhead with magics, the convulsions of the bond breaking could have finished killing him. Except while I could confirm to him that you were alive and the owl gone, you had no way to know he was still alive.”

Magnus ignores the whimper his words cause and continues, “but he is alive. Catarina and I have removed the adamas and are trying our best but we both know that adamas wounds rarely heal, even for nephilim.”

Iratze’s are useless in the face of angelic weapons.

“I, Magnus, you know I’m me now. You purged it away yourself, can I come? I can be there in ten minutes, please I need to see him.”

“Jace.” Magnus' voice deepens with exhaustion the seriousness of his next statement, “I understand that seeing Alec is what you honestly need and want. However it cannot not happen. Not only does Alexander remain in a very delicate state even after both Catarina and I exhausted both our potions and magics and rituals, but he’s barely stable.”

“He hasn’t asked for me?” Jace sounds devastated and Magnus reminds himself that he is playing therapist because of Alec.

“He hasn’t barely even spoken yet, Jace. Not since I first found him and only again right after we stabilized him. He asked after you, immediately. However he hasn’t woken up since. That he woke up once at all was a miracle, his heart wasn’t as steady as it should have been when he slept the second time. Again, Catarina and I barely have managed to keep it beating as the adamas went directly into his heart. I truly don’t know if he’ll ever fully recover or if he does, when.”

On the phone Jace’s breath hitches in another sob but Magnus will not hesitate.

He’s too tired and raw too.

“Because of that, I don’t know how his mental state is yet, Jace. Of course he still worries and cares for you, but he also showed me that the parabatai bond was gone again, for good this time he said. There’s a wound there that was patched before and then somewhat mended but now the very seams have ripped. Between that and your face being the same as the one who taunted and nearly murdered him, I’d rather not shock his heart or his head. Not after both the physical and emotional trauma he’s been through.”

Magnus knows that Jace would love nothing more than to fight him on this. He’s itching for any kind of a brawl, verbal or physical if Magnus knows him — and unfortunately he does. But Magnus is speaking facts, not antagonizing him. Even if his words manage to do both.

“Tell him to call me when he wakes up.” Jace’s voice is unsteady, but it’s clear he’s trying to do his best, for Alec this time.

“Once he wakes properly, I’ll tell him to call you when he’s ready. Whenever that is. Also convey to Isabelle, if she and Clarissa aren’t already listening in to this call,” a small wet laugh proves him right. Even if it’s quickly covered by the soft clap of a hand, “that they are also not allowed to visit. This is not an attack against you, Jace or a punishment. This is simply to ensure he survives.”

There’s quiet now and then a silence.

“Jace agrees—” It’s Isabelle’s voice now and it’s hoarse and wobbly but sincere, “he’s a little overwhelmed but that’s the relief. We understand Magnus and will listen, we just want Alec safe. If anyone disagrees, I’ll change their mind.” From the way she speaks, Magnus knows that it will be in a bloody, eviscerating way. “As much as I want to be there too, I won’t let myself or anyone else get in the way of Alec healing this time.”

Her voice trembles and Magnus wonders if she’s remembering how Alexander nearly died when trying to find Jace via the parabatai rune. How he’d screamed in agony and went down when it disappeared the first time — not that they were told the truth of why — and how badly Alec’s been struggling since Jace’s possession.

“Thank you, Isabelle.” He allows himself a sigh of relief, “the wards are up not only for protection but stability but to decrease fluctuations. Even Catarina isn’t leaving, she just moved her home to the floor below me so it could be included in the wards, which is where Madzie stays right now.”

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just stay with you?”

“Even Madzie can’t be around him right now, Isabelle. The possibility of her magic wanting to reach out and heal him is too strong and her control too limited. We are taking no risk, my dear. Not with Alexander.”

There’s a pause as she reflects upon his words and he hears her murmuring something indistinct to Jace and Clarissa for a moment.

“Thank you, Magnus. For everything. Saving Jace and keeping Alec alive. Thank you. We’ll all keep out of your way until you let us know Alec’s ready. As for the Clave, I think it’s time that we step up and protect Alec this time.”

AN:

magnus isn't going to lie to Jace (because that's what Jace did when Alec asked him if he died) but he's not going to supply info. If Jace wants to truly know he can ask and Magnus will tell him exactly why the parabatai bond was broken but also Jace will accept the price because one, he knows you cant exactly negotiate with a greater demon and 2) Magnus saved both his life and Alec. jace would not have handled actually murdering Alec even if he was mind controlled well. but also Jace is find accepting it as a consequence of the owl being gone because he knows the bond has been fucked since he died. so its not going to come up really.

the bond can't be redone, I think clary might offer to try with her runes but that's... you don't force a bond and shed be using her powers to force it and neither want that. also Alec no longer wants it back. if he could have mended it then yes, but despite how much he cares and loves Jace its been nothing but agony after agony for a while now. he barely remembers what a healthy bond feels like after all the pain and betrayal and the last memories he has of it are the distorted fucked up feeling that the owl induced with nightmares etc.

so Alec is just. it's broken so many times that it's clearly not meant to be. no thank you. and Jace doesn't want anything else fucking with his body or brain because clary's runes can sometimes have side effects etc. Jace needs to be alone in his own body and soul to recover and remember who he is, without the bond thanks to Lilith and the owl and at one point Jonathon/Sebastian, fucking with him.

Magnus does not know that the reason Alec is still asleep is because he woke up and exhausted himself with 'thoughts' (waking up and using your brain after trauma is exhausting) and needed to refresh.

#lumine writes #writing wednesday #writing wednesdays #the worth of a life #magnus bane #malec #alec lightwood #shadowhunters

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agirlwithglam · 1 year ago

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S.M.A.R.T goals:

How to set and achieve your goals

What does SMART stand for?

S - specific. don't just set vague goals like "i wanna get fit" or "i wanna get abs". how are you gonna know when/ where to start? if you want to get fit: your goal could be "go to the gym for 30 mins everyday" or "i want to run 5k in under 30 mins". whatever works for you. some other examples: -> if your big goal is to get high marks on your next test: your "mini" goals/ steps should be to study everyday for at least 30-60mins. -> if your big goal is to get money/ become rich: your steps/ mini goals should be to save $___ daily first. and also figure out a way you can make a mini business/ get a job.

M - measurable. make sure that your goals are measurable- meaning that you should be able to track them. some examples: -> if your goal is to read more: then create or find a habit tracker or something so everyday when you read, you can mark it down for that day. ! recommended resource: James Clear's habit tracker journal- you can find it on amazon.

A - Achievable keep your goals realistic and attainable. if you know you dont have the time/ energy to read a whole book in 1 week, dont do it- otherwise you'll get easily discouraged. the goldilocks principle: don't make it too easy, where it doesn't give you a challenge, but don't make it too hard either, otherwise you'll get easily discouraged.

R - Relevant basically a WHY. why do you want/ need to accomplish this goal? have a motivation which drives you. make sure your goal is relevant to you in some sort of way. example: -> if you want to learn a language such as spanish, why do you wanna learn it? because you want to travel to Spain one day? to be able to communicate with someone? even if the purpose is as simple as "wanting to be bilingual cus it makes me feel cool and impressive" - if that motivates you, then go ahead!

T - time bound your goals need to have some sort of deadline or urgency attached to it- otherwise you could take all the time you want to start and procrastinate as much as you want. having a deadline for the goal will motivate you to take action sooner, than later.

how to use SMART goals effectively:

decide on the goal. (something that you actually need/ want to accomplish.)

break it down into smaller steps. (very small. so small that you can start working on whatever it is NOW.) you want to get high marks on your test? lets break it down. study 30 mins everyday -> walk to desk -> get material out -> identify what you need to study -> find your weaker topics & write it out -> create a planner or smth -> start studying. // need help? find videos online, go thru material again, find study tips, etc.

write them down. (helps you stay accountable. also people who write their goals down are 42% more likely to achieve them than people who don't write it down.)

create an action plan. (relates to the 2nd point. outline the necessary steps to take, identify resources, set milestones, plan for potential obstacles.)

monitor and evaluate progress. (regularly review your goals, mistakes, and progress. what could you do better to be more efficient and quicker? how can you learn from your mistakes?)

stay committed and flexible. (you really need to be committed to achieve the goals, you shouldn't just start off super excited, doing great in the first week then slacking off. you've made a commitment to YOURSELF. respect yourself enough to stick to it! but also be flexible with your goals. if you're reeeallyy not able to do it one day, plan to do a bit more the next day. stay focussed and don't get discouraged by setbacks.)

celebrate achievements. (recognise when you've hit a major milestone, and celebrate it! this helps you maintain motivation and a sense of accomplishment. and reward yourself!!)

random additional tips:

visualisation. (such a strong form of manifestation. everyday visualise yourself with your goals, feeling all the emotions and thoughts that come with it! visualisation can also really boost your motivation and drive to achieve it.)

PRIORITIES. (remember that also, all goals aren't equally important. prioritise the ones that really matter. this doesn't mean that you can't focus on the other goals, just make sure the ones that need more attention, get more attention.)

positive language. (use kind and encouraging words towards yourself. know and understand that you are that girl who can achieve ANYTHING she sets her mind to.)

seek support. (ask friends and family or a mentor for help. if you want, be careful tho, share your goals with them to help you stay accountable. and if you know a person who's achieved your goals, GET ADVICE FROM THEM! where better to get advice from than someone who's been through what you're going through?)

stay organised. (self explanatory. just stay organised. messy space = messy mind. clean space = clean mind.)

maintain balance. (of course your goals are important, but so is the age you're currently at. especially if you're a teenage, DONT WASTE THESE YEARS!! get out of the house! make friends! go to parties! LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST. also make sure that you get the adequate rest needed!)

write about your journey. (write about the struggles, the obstacles, how you overcame them, insights you got on this journey, etc. trust me, it'll be so interesting and helpful to read when you're older.)

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aliesbienish · 9 months ago

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The study of wolves - Part four

chapter one ✩ chapter two ✩ chapter three

“This is it,” you declared, confirming your GPS location with the ones of the latest wolf sighting.

It was still a fairly wood area, only a small clearing letting in a circle of sunlight. You placed your bag on the side of the trail and began to have a scan of the area.

Paul watched you in awe as you examined the ground for paw prints and the brush for any animal made tracks. After a few minutes you saw an area of flattened grass a few feet off the trail that peaked your interest. The animal made path left the small clearing and continued on downhill, meandering past rocky outcrops and large pine trees. Importantly you can hear the faint sound of flowing water in this distance, making the path a possible trail from den to the stream.

“Can you bring me my backpack?” You yelled to Paul.

“Here you go,” Paul passed over the bag a few minutes later. You went searching for the small motion sensor camera tucked at the bottom. “You found something?”

“Yup, our first spot! There is an animal trail here, you see? I’m not a hundred percent sure it’s our wolves, but the location makes sense with the water down that way and possible den locations up higher. I think we place it here for now and come back in a few days to see what it’s captured.”

“Why don’t we follow the path up or down?” Paul questioned.

“Honestly this is the easiest spot for us to access and find. If we do capture photos I think we could probably go place another camera down near the stream. I probably wouldn’t risk going up to the dens, they only use them when they are rearing pups and I don’t particularly want to piss off a mother wolf when we go to collect the camera.”

“I’d protect you,”

“I don’t doubt that cowboy. But what if it’s Jared with me when we are collecting them? You and I both know he’s sacrifice me to save himself,”

“Good call. Here it is,”

You wrapped the strap of the camera around a sturdy tree trunk at the bend of the track. Hoping you’d capture wolves coming and going from both directions.

“Okay, I need you to test this out for me!”

“You what? No thanks,”

“Oh come on, you just have to walk up and down the path. I promise to only put one of the photos in the data report, got to credit you somehow” You joked.

“Oh ha ha,” He stated starting to head up the trail. Once he was out of your sight you called him back, and he performed a turn any catwalk model would be jealous off. After walking down the track a few yards you checked the photos captured and gave your go ahead. Quickly snapping a photo of the site, noting the coordinates and saving a location on your phone it was done.

“Well that’s us good to go, nice modelling work there. I think the elders would be silly not to put out some Quileute merch and leak those photos,”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, I just happened to be channeling my inner wolf.”

“Of course, I forgot wolves are known to be natural stutters.”

“And don’t you dare leak those photos, because I’m sure as shit that the elders would have no clue how,”

“Don’t worry cowboy - whoops I’m sorry wolf boy, I’d make sure to get photos of Sam and Jared as well. The world deserves to see all three of you rock khaki,”

You reserved almost an animalistic growl from Paul for your comments, that probably should have startled you but realistically made you feel hot and bothered.

Paul himself wasn’t sure if it was in appreciation of the wolf boy comment or the jealously towards Sam and Jared.

“Come on smart arse,” he quipped, helping you put your backpack over your shoulders, “We better start to head back to the car before I give into the temptation to leave you here,”

“Go right ahead - I’ve been leaving a breadcrumb trail all day, so I can easily find my way back without your help,” You stuck your tongue out, and confidently stated heading in the opposite direction of the car.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Next chapter

But of a short (but hopefully sweet) chapter. Is Paul absolutely OOC when he’s with reader, yup. If anyone thinks that’s wouldn’t how he would be one on one with his imprint then fight me xx

Thanks for reading!

#twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagine #twilight #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote imagine #paul x reader #paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote #Paul x y/n #paul lahote x y/n #twilight x y/n #twilight x you

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mweothe11e · 1 year ago

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PAC: What do you need to learn to love about yourself?

Never forget to only take what resonates and leave what doesn't. This is a general PAC reading, so if the first pile you chose doesn't resonate with you, then maybe you're meant to read another pile.

(this is for entertainment purposes only)

.·:*¨ ¨*:·. •,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.•,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

Pile 1: Ace of Swords, 4 of Coins, 9 of Cups

You may feel like an outcast, Pile 1. You don’t think like other people. You might have also been scrutinized for being able to “work smart”, being told, “Why do we have to do it a new way when the old way still works?”. My dear Pile 1, you must learn to love your inner visionary. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve the current system of things. You sought to evolve and you hope by sharing your ideas, others can grow and move forward with you. You’re also able to see through the mess and create clarity for yourself. Embrace the parts of you that can naturally find ways of life more efficiently and cost-effectively.

Another great thing about you that deserves a whole lot of love is your practical approach towards financial literacy. Others might have called you stingy but they didn’t know you might have grown up in a place of lack. So you had promised yourself to work smart so that you won’t have to worry about how you’re going to afford to put food on the table, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back.

There’s nothing to be ashamed about knowing how to make money work for you. You have this natural ability to be wise and practical about your resources. Be proud that you know how to also be secure internally as well. Establishing healthy boundaries is a skill we all need yet not everyone learns. People call you guarded, I say you know that not everyone deserves to have access to you.

Finally, never shame yourself for being able to achieve your goals and dreams in life, pile 1. You should allow yourself to enjoy the fruits of your labor unapologetically. This is a rather hard pill to swallow for those with survivor’s guilt. Being able to become the person you’ve always wanted to be means those people you loved who didn’t evolve with you might get left behind. This makes it difficult for you to allow yourself to savor your success when you have loved ones who haven’t achieved their dreams yet.

As much as you want to be happy for them, you can’t make them achieve their success for them. They chose their way of life as you did yours. If your success bothers them, it’s not your responsibility to coddle and make yourself small for their comfort. So, if you feel you deserve to go on a solo vacation for your hard work, then go for it. If you want to move into your own apartment, go right ahead.

You have every right to use your money to whoever you see fit. You’ve worked hard to earn that, so treat yourself right with the fruits of your labor. Don’t apologize for that promotion. Never apologize for your happiness. You just need to remember one thing: you can’t control how others react to your success.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·. •,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.•,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

Pile 2: Moon, 9 of Swords, 4 of Swords

First of all pile 2, one thing you should learn to love about yourself is your intuition and your ability to easily see through the BS. Yup, I said it loud and clear. You see through the BS in people. They can’t lie to you, even to save their lives. Your intuition is a gift that helps you in any way that can help lead you into your highest good. Though it seems that pile 2 feels bad that you see through the superficial two-faced niceties among your peers. You might have experienced moments where you muttered under your breath, “I hope I’m wrong” only to be proven right yet again. Don’t you think it’s high time you should stop lying to yourself and embrace this amazing gift?

Another thing you should learn to love about yourself is knowing your limits and being able to give yourself the space to honor and validate your fears and anxiety. Don’t beat yourself up for being aware of what you can or cannot do because knowing your limitations means you can utilize whatever skills you have at hand that are to your advantage.

Also, not everyone is resilient enough to be able to hold space for their fears, anxiety, and insecurities without letting the aforementioned swallow them whole. You know yourself well enough that you need to be able to safely allow your feelings to be seen and validated for your and everyone’s good. You know what it’s like to be at the bottom, so you know that with your acquired knowledge backed by personal experience, you can help someone else ease through their own fears and anxiety.

Finally Pile 2, you need to stop feeling guilty about prioritizing your self-care and rest. You know what your body requires to be able to do your tasks every day. There’s nothing wrong with being able to listen to what your body needs intuitively. When you know you’re about to rest, you know yourself well enough that you need to pause, reassess, and re-strategize your approach moving forward.

You should also be proud of knowing how to protect your peace. Some people who call you selfish for putting yourself, down don’t like the fact that they can’t manipulate and abuse you to their advantage. The issue is with them, never with you. Knowing how to protect and defend yourself is something you should be proud of. You know your worth and you also know what you won’t tolerate. So, you shouldn’t fault and cave into to toxic societal norm of conforming to unrealistic and unethical double standards. Embrace your self-worth. Never feel bad about putting yourself first.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·. •,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.•,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

Pile 3: 5 of Swords, 10 of Coins, Justice

Hi Pile 3, what you need to learn to love about yourself is your conflict resolution skills. This pile feels like my eloquent speakers pile. Could also be my bookworm pile. With an extensive vocabulary and unfortunately growing up in a hostile environment, for the sake of your survival, you grew up having no choice but to be good at conflict resolution. I know it’s an odd thing to love about yourself but another great thing that you should learn to love about yourself is you know when to stand firm and fight, if necessary.

Like, if diplomacy is useless, you’re ready to take the offensive approach. But this has always been your last resort. Knowing what it’s like to grow up in a chaotic environment if you had a choice, you would avoid recreating that childhood chaos in your current adult life. You’d exhaust all diplomatic approaches before you’re forced to take the offensive stance. That’s one of the many things about you that deserves to be loved and appreciated.

What you need to learn to love about yourself is your legacy/roots/ancestry, pile 3. This could also be my POC / mixed race / immigrant pile. It sort of makes sense why you’re a bit iffy about your lineage, especially if you’re mixed race because you might have been bullied when you were younger. So, it’s a bit tricky to love a part of you that your immediate environment teased/bullied/ostracized you for.

You must have dealt with a whole plethora of traumatic stories because you don’t look like most people around you. There’s nothing wrong with being different. There’s nothing wrong with being an immigrant. There’s nothing wrong about being of mixed race. You are beautiful/handsome/lovable just the way you are. The issues is never with you so never shame yourself for your lineage. You deserve love, respect, and happiness for simply existing.

Finally, don’t feel bad about being honest and holding others accountable. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you are upholding your integrity. You should learn to love the parts of yourself that cannot stand injustice. You have this natural instinct to defend the powerless and speak for the silenced. Not everyone is brave enough to fight for their beliefs and the rights of others. Your need for truth is quite remarkable. So never feel bad about not being a good liar. It just means you don’t see the point of lying to someone.

In this age where manipulation and mental games are being praised as “owning your power”, people, like you pile 3, are rarer than black opals in a Pacific ocean full of diamonds. So never let anyone bully you into conforming to this mental gymnastics just to be accepted/in a relationship. People who are meant to be in your life don’t have to be lied to in order for them to want to be with you. You can only keep someone that wants to be kept.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·. •,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.•,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

Pile 4: 10 of Cups, Page of Wands, King of Cups

From what I can pick up for you pile 4 is that you should be proud that you came from a loving home. I know, it kind of sounds like too much of a flex. To have been able to grow up in a loving environment while your peers grew up in chaotic and traumatic environments tends to leave a heavy guilt in your heart. A part of you feels bad that you can’t relate to having a crappy childhood because your parents actually did the work and healed together so that you can have a happy childhood.

So… whenever your friends or peers open up about how they feel unloved and unappreciated at home then they ask you about your childhood, you must have lied to avoid putting salt in their wounds. I understand the need for camaraderie but you shouldn’t feel bad about having come from a loving family. If your friends are okay with this suggestion, why not invite them over? Ask your family if they can be more understanding and considerate towards your friends. To be an example that not all adults are bad.

Another interpretation of this card is to be proud of your happiness. Don’t feel bad that you actually have a loving partner while your friends are still single. Don’t be ashamed of being seen with your significant other. It’s not like you’re intentionally making your single friends jealous whenever you answer their questions about your love life.

You should be unapologetically proud of your happiness, especially when you know you did nothing wrong. Why apologize for your happiness when everyone wants to be happy, in some shape or form? Also, consider this as a word of caution, if someone around you isn’t happy for your happiness, best to cut ties with them. It’s not wise to be around someone who doesn’t know how to be happy for the happiness of others. This doesn’t just involve relationships, this can also be applied to promotions, achievements, and awards.

Something about yourself that deserves more love pile 3 is your cheerful disposition and adventurous spirit. It’s not shameful to be able to see the silver lining. It’s not bad to be able to see the good in people. With how our world is in constant chaos and peril, we need people like you who haven’t lost hope for a better and brighter future.

So never feel bad about being perceived as naïve when you’re simply not projecting your bad experiences to the new people you meet in your life. What’s so bad about still being able to be excited about the glimmers in life? There’s nothing to feel bad about being able to cater and nurture your inner child. So never let the world shame you for never giving up hope.

Finally Pile 4, you should learn to love your natural inclination for diplomacy. Knowing when to listen to your heart or when to lead with your head is such a life-changing and valuable ability that majority of us are constantly learning to master day by day. You might have been told that you’re so mature and wiser than your age, which might have been internalized as this insatiable need to always be reliable and dependable. At times, it might feel like such a burden at times; to always be the person everyone relies on.

So… since you are aware of the weight of the responsibility of being the reliable person for everyone, you should use your ability of discernment to decide a schedule on when will you entertain request for counsel for those who need you. You know what your needs are, and you also know that you need to be able to live a balanced life to be of service to others. So, learn to be okay with putting yourself first so that you can help others better in a later date.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·. •,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.•,¸,.·’ ‘·.,¸,•.·:*¨ ¨*:·.

Please do let me know how you resonate with your pile in the comment section below.

Thank you so much for looking through my PAC.

Tagging my personal account: @e11e27 as a reminder.

#divination #tarot #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #pick a card #tarot cards #tarotblr #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a photo #pac tarot #pac reading

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