#have some information i guess
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an angel is out in the city
#my webs#GAAAAHH I GUESS. its been a while since ive made a web weave this is more of a collage and some dicking around#but you get it. to me angels have too much information too fast#angelposting
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This is the devil’s hole pupfish! A tiny species that lives only in One water-filled limestone cavern in Nevada. It was one of the first animals on the endangered species list. At the last count in 2022 there were 263 pupfish observed - the most in 19 years! They’re tracked pretty carefully, as their 215 square foot habitat (the smallest of any know vertebrate) is fragile and has been disturbed in the past by groundwater extraction and other human interference.
[ID: an illustration of a shiny metallic blue fish, the male devil’s hole pupfish, facing to the right. It is on a lighter blue background with a ripple pattern. End.] l
#fish#fishes#fishblr#devils hole pupfish#icthyology#they were apparently controversial little guys in the 70s bc a family bought the land they’re on and tried to build a bunch of wells#and some agencies were like hey don’t build those here there are these pupfish#and I guess they went to court and it was a whole publicized thing and folks were getting bumper stickers that said either#save the pupfish or kill the pupfish#and the concept of being so self absorbed that you’re like I would rather a species go extinct forever than for one human family to have#wasted some money#and I’m gonna get a bumper sticker that informs you of this#is so fucking funny to me
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Tumblr keeps popping up to sell me ad free dashboard. But what it doesn't understand is that me and the ads have a sort of symbiosis at this point.
The guys from the fake gameplay trailers for a predatory mobile app are my blorbos
#the kings return to do WHAT?#oh my god they put him in a situation#last year he was solving fake puzzles and this year he is shooting hordes of zombies while trying to chokse#which gate that looks like all the other gates in all the other shooting hordes of zombies games#ooh whats my little phoenix wright up to?#begging to be drooled on by a giant cyclops with gianter boobs?#hell yeah you go little pheonix knight#endure or divorce! what will she pick! blond bimbo and boo monstersinc freeze to death in the cold water#my heart will go on#after their nasty dad ate all the food! the tragedy#oh heres another trailer with that same nasty dad! hes snorkling? where is my daccoon eyed woman WHAT THE FUC#SOMEONE POURED (POOP?) INTO HIS SNORKLE THATS SO TERRIBLE#theyre running away wherre is the bimbo oh its all frozen#everythign froze so fast and now nasty dad is in a winter coat and also changed his entire physique#now hes gathering logs now hes buikding a settlement#damn guess we know what happened after the divorce!#and thats how you know the winter log game is by the same company as (one of many) repair the house game#thry got nasty dad model#and he is GOING places#if yiu ever hear 'i finally found a game that is exactly what they show in the ads!' no you didnt#i would love to play the fat guy fighting a horse for the last drop of water#hes like me fr#but hes too busy building underground rooms with the hot chick who may or may not die#SPEAKING OF HOT CHICKS i love that game where you romance a level 10 babe#not a crook or informant thats her whole job description#level 10 babe#she cqn be romanced by picking her off the ground or by showing her money (which you dont have)#but the other guy does!#i wonder what halpens to her#oh good shes upgraded to mafia wife! good for her and she has some buns in the oven too she must be so happOH NO
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(BSD 113 SPOILERS) the fyodor jesus imagery is driving me insane, so here are a couple of things i noticed from this chapter (all translations from @/nineofscans).
1. fyodor’s position
so the first thing that was most obvious was fyodor’s positioning here. he may not be on a cross, but this is very intentional i would say! he is still in the position of christ on the cross.
2. fyodor’s outfit
i could be reaching, and this is less to do with jesus, but his outfit to me resembles a monk’s habit somewhat—perhaps signifying his position as a man of god.
3. stabbing with spears as the rooster crows
two things are standing out to me here:
first of all, stabbing fyodor with spears as a means of execution is interesting to me considering how jesus also was stabbed by a spears before being taken down from the cross after he gives up his life (following the “my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?” line—which was quoted in the last chapter!)
i cannot remember if jesus is also stabbed before then, but that is the one i remember the most.
the second thing that jumped out to me about this line was the part about the rooster crowing.
in the new testament, when jesus is betrayed by judas, he warns peter that before the cock crows, he (peter) will have betrayed him (jesus) three times.
what are the implications of that? i can’t really say, maybe it has something to do with why bram later gets stabbed with the holy cross sword and why he later works under fukuchi/fyodor. but it felt like an intentional nod to this part of the passion of christ.
4. bram as the devil
this is perhaps another reach, but i’m including it anyways.
before jesus re-enters jerusalem and the events of the passion of christ, he fasts for 40 days in the desert, where he is tempted from the devil (each of the gospels talks about this differently).
but anyway, this does say something. if bram is the devil, and considering all of fyodor’s positioning and religious imagery surrounding him—i feel the jesus references are very intentional. fyodor is deliberately positioned as— if not jesus, then definitely at least a disciple, or a messenger of god, almost supernatural in energy and appearance.
and with all the buddhist references to angels scattered throughout this arc—i think there’s a lot to be unveiled about fyodor yet. we definitely haven’t seen the last of him. but i’m excited to find this all out later!
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd 113#bsd manga spoilers#bsd spoilers#bsd fyodor#fyodor bsd#this barely makes sense help#putting my religious trauma to good use#jem rambles#bsd analysis#i guess??#lol tagging it anyways#all of this assuming that this is fyodor n not a twin ancestor or smth#you never know!#but at long last… we have some more fyodor information
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Toss Up Explicit | 3,539 words | Buddie Tags: Canon Divergence, (Mutual) Masturbation, Porn Watching, Repression
“It’s not -” Eddie starts, panic rising in his chest, constricting his airways until his voice comes out high and tight, “not what you think.” “It’s not gay porn?” Buck asks, his expression curiously blank. “Because this looks like gay porn.” Or: Eddie is caught browsing bad gay porn, and Buck takes it upon himself to show Eddie the good stuff.
#911#buddie#there's some handwavey internalized angst on eddie's behalf because of reasons#my fic#also the title is a pun i have been informed north americans are unaware of so i guess it's just for the british speakers aka oliver#jkjk#this was supposed to be for wanksgiving but life got in the way oh well
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Answering My Own Height Questions
*I want to apologize for everyone being untextured, but I'm too lazy to figure out how to load the textures in Blender. Besides, this should make it easier to see anyway.
While I was poking around, I decided to go ahead and definitively answer my question from a while back about how tall DJSS is.
At a quick glance, the undisputable answer appears to be that he's shorter than Tatiana, but taller than Neon J... barely.
This doesn't consider the thickness of his helmet (unless you think the helmet is his head), but even so, this difference is so small, that it's easier to say that they're about the same height.
BUT
As we know from the Christmas DLC, DJSS's feet do not sink completely into the soles of his shoes.
So adjusting for where his feet would actually touch the ground, DJSS is actually shorter than Neon J. by a good couple of inches, but still taller than Mayday.
(Not that it really matters in fanart, since they're usually wearing their default outfits anyway, so even pointing this out is basically null~)
I also wanted to check Eve against the others, and with heels she's still shorter than NJ and DJSS.
This shot was taken before I adjusted for shoe height for DJSS/Eve, but with adjustments, DJSS is still just a little taller than Eve (it's about the same difference as Neon J. vs. DJSS with shoes).
So, I've a got a win for short!DJSS, but a loss for 2nd tallest!Eve, UmU. (Tatiana is the tallest member of NSR, not counting *Sayu, who I consider a special case.)
*Sayu is in scale to her B2J battle, meaning she's a giant compared to everyone else, so I didn't include her.
And of course I had to do B2J, Kliff, and Tatiana for my own amusement.
I didn't order them by height this time, but the grid guide should suffice. It's a little hard to say if Kliff or Zuke is actually taller since their hair is so dense, but considering that Kliff also wears shoes with a heel, I'm gonna err on Kliff being *just* a hair shorter than Zuke, but they're really about the same. However, Tatiana is actually about a whole head taller than Kliff putting him at perfect motorboating height.
I wanted to check the sewer gang too, but their models are not created equal, and I don't think they're in scale with each other.
Maybe it's just me, or because he's asserting dominance, but Zam seems bigger than he should be, and Gigi/Yiruk look a little smaller than they should be. Robot could be to scale, but I think he looks a little big too.
As my final bonus, I wanted to compare Yinu and 1010 to see how accurate my "Heart and Soul" sketch would have been and...
Nope. Handholding is basically impossible for them. At best, Yinu might be able to grab one of his fingers, but it'd be straining to do so unless he hunched over. So, it'd be even more impossible in my fic where she's younger and presumably even shorter, and the MKI is implied to be bigger and bulkier.
#nsr#no straight roads#djss#dj subatomic supernova#neon j#tatiana#mayday#eve#zuke#kliff#1010#yinu#well this was fun and informative#i'm glad i can finally close the book on some of these burning height questions#but chances are i'm probably still gonna draw everyone as i've headcanoned them#i usually make kliff about a head taller than may#but i guess may is actually at about forehead kissing height to both him and zuke#i did have eve at about a head taller than nj and djss as a head shorter than him#but they're all actually pretty close#and even tatiana as the tallest isn't *that* much taller than the majority of her stars#but i'd still like to make her huge~#it's just funnier that way
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ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....
This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.
I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?
(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)
I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.
Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.
And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.
I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.
(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)
I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.
We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.
On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??
So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.
It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.
Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).
But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.
Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?
Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?
#peeta mellark#thg#the hunger games#the hunger games meta#anyway wow this got so long and I literally read it through one (1) time so uhhh sorry if this makes no sense!!#as I was doing my one read through and realized that one of my other thoughts on this is that yeah I can much more easily see the#headcanon that peeta like sells baked goods (probably at cost with no profit) out of his kitchen because that’s much more flexible#and I think that would work a lot better with what like I guess I’d call his psychiatric disability post mockingjay#and how he’d certainly want to take care of Katniss too#like that sort of flexibility makes a lot more sense for him and it’s like. if he doesn’t bake for a few days or however long then it’s fin#it’s not a formal brick and mortar business#it’s just something he’s doing because it’s a way to be involved with people and a way to do something he’s passionate about#without there being waste and while covering some of the costs#and he doesn’t have to like keep books or do payroll or any of the things I can’t see him being very passionate about#as far as like bakery management goes Lmao he can just bake!!#but then I started getting into this whole thing about how that quote-unquote ‘running a business’ like that (informally from your house)#is actually a really common practice for people living in poverty so probably something that Katniss and peeta would’ve been familiar wirh#anyway and then this whole rant about how the emphasis on the brick and mortar bakery often goes hand in hand with#this widespread fandom thing of having a fundamental misunderstanding of how rural poverty works and what it looks like#but then I was too deep into it and said you know what? never mind! and deleted it lmao
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so so sick of every courier service that's not just Regular Local Mail. why do they make everything so difficult and complicated all the time auuggghhggg
#JUST TAKE IT TO A PICK-UP POINT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD#80% of the time they're supposed to do some kind of door delivery something goes Wrong#i have SCHOOL i can't be HOME ALL THE TIME#anyway dhl marked a package as delivered that was absolutely not in the mailbox#customer service said it had been marked as delivered in mailbox which is absolutely not fucking trur#today im told the courier talked to SOMEONE and left it on a CHAIR#THAT'S NOT THE MAILBOX IS IT. SCREAMS#and presumably they didn't talk to my landlord bc he'd leave it in my house#guess ill find out after school if the package is anywhere to be found#like. seriously. they couldn't have left it in the actual mailbox??? a CHAIR??? CHAIR???????#it did Not occur to me to search the terrace area#the previous times this happened (marked delivered but not delivered)#they either hadn't delivered it at all or dropped it off at a pickup point#can we just Not do the song and dance every time. can we do something sensible. like inform me about when and where i can get my package#give me OPTIONS. GIVE ME THE OPTION TO PICK A DELIVERY TIME OR A PICKUP PLACE#and the thing im trying to work on at school keeps going WRONG#NO BAD GOOD VERY TERRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!#i don't have TIME to get sidetracked by all this
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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as many of you may have observed, clodsire, when threatened, will protrude large bony spikes from their back to defend themselves. these spikes are, in fact, highly modified rib bones that protrude through tubercles (the white spots on a clodsire’s back). the method of protrusion does in fact involve breaking the skin and forcing the bone through to the outside.
when a clodsire feels provoked, it will not immediately elect for this option. the level of stress and pressure a clodsire must feel to perform the rib-exposing behavior varies from individual to individual, but is consistent within an individual’s behavior (that is, the same clodsire will perform the behavior after the same level of provocation more-or-less every time). clodsire will usually initially defend themselves with their sticky white secretions first and foremost and may wail or bite in self-defense as well.
however, if pushed to the point of exposing their ribs, a clodsire will then use its powerful back muscles and the joints attaching the ribs to the vertebrae to force the bone through the tubercles and out of the body. following this, the clodsire will then secrete its own antimicrobial to prevent infection and accelerate healing.
it is unknown why this behavior evolved. unlike some of the adaptations taken on by the larval stage (commonly called wooper), evidence suggests that this ability existed prior to the habitat fragmentation that, over the last few centuries, has forced clodsire to maintain a more terrestrial lifestyle than quagsire. young paldean wooper, the most vulnerable stage of a clodsire’s life cycle, do not demonstrate this ability until shortly before or after metamorphosis, instead defending themselves primarily by expelling concentrated toxins from glands near their gills. while small subadult clodsire may experience some threats of predation, adult clodsire have few if any predators, particularly if they reach the species’ maximum size of nearly six feet long (which is rarer without an ideal habitat available but still possible).
#pokémon#pkmn irl#clodsire#wooper#[this is based on the second salamander clodsire is based on- the iberian ribbed newt.]#[this is mostly true of the ribbed newt but their ribs actually come out their sides.]#[i also couldn’t find any information on whether ribbed newt larvae can do this so i took my best guess.]#[i also took my best guess at when i think wooper and clodsire became more terrestrial.]#[historically some adaptations have taken place over the timeframe of a few centuries.]#[a famous case being a european moth that changed coloration in response to pollution.]
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i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]
#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous]#and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚#you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from.#it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as#a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from.#i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah#however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all.#but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora'#are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone#i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out.#ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant#and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify#myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but.#i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to#like. accommodate the facts of my family history.#sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days#box opener
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s5 episode 3 thoughts
it’s been a bit since i last watched an episode (count: 5 whole days!) and i need my hit of scully and mulder time. so imagine my surprise when i went to watch today’s episode, and saw it is not about scully and mulder, but the lone gunmen?
hmm. hmm hmm. well, how do i feel about this?
let’s just say that when i was doing my preliminary research to see if i wanted to watch this show, i came across a plot point that is going to be addressed in a few episodes, and i want to reach them NOW to see how they play out. and that is all i will say on the matter.
even if i really really really REALLY want to say more. i will not.
(author's note: imagine me sadly pressing my palm against a rainy window... no scully and mulder time today 😔)
okay. so lone gunmen origin story… let’s see where this brings us!!
it’s 1989 (the intro riff to style begins playing from an unknown source)
the swat people are here in maryland because there are a lot of gunshots. so they’re going into this mysterious building, rifles drawn, and everything is very very dark.
there’s blood on the floor but nobody around!!! and then they hear a guy groaning under a cardboard box???
whoever it is keeps moaning “they’re here, they’re here” <- WHO IS HERE?
woahhhh another guy finds the lone gunmen!!! they say they didn’t do it!!
while they’re being arrested, the guy under the box keeps yelling that they’re here. which does not clear up anything.
was that naked box man mulder…? no, it can’t be….
the intro was shorter again this time. i WILL make note of it no matter how many times it happens.
sad byers is in a jail cell with the homies :( the girls are fighting!!!! it seems they did NOT get along at first
IT WAS MULDER IN THAT CARDBOARD BOX?????? “he’s currently being held in five point restraints”, says the cop talking to byers <- what does THAT MEAN (types furiously into a search engine) ohhh okay. okay. got it now.
byers wants to know where a lady is, and he says that she IS real, because mulder saw her, but…. this answers none of my, nor the cop's, questions
“so what i’m looking at here is a warehouse break-in with nothing stolen, a shootout but no guns, lots of blood but no bodies, and an FBI agent who likes to take off all his clothes and talk about space aliens” <- yeah, that sounds about right
BYERS WAS BORN THE DAY KENNEDY DIED???? okay that is crazy for reincarnation theorists 🔥
LMAO is that why his name is “john fitzgerald” … my brain put together the date quicker than the name itself
yes, he confirms this immediately after i type it up. fun byers trivia for ya, i guess.
so he works for the federal communications commission, for now at least. he was at a computer con booth giving out buttons when all of this began!! aww, he looks so happy to be gathering your information
NO some random people were mean to him and he looks so sad now :( (him being referred to as narc is a repeated occurrence throughout the episode)
he sees a mysterious woman at the booth?? who starts to say something, but then leaves. and he follows her while his coworker is going to town on some computer games. aww man, i wanna show this guy tears of the kingdom. he’d be so happy.
mysterious woman runs into frohike, who is giving her a speech on a machine he made that gives you 33 channels of premium TV??
(i was going to say "i do not think that sounds legal" but i didn't want to sound like a Youngling. but yeah. not legal)
and langly is in the booth next door to him heckling him 💀
they’re fighting over who sells better bootleg cable LMAOOOOO!! who will win?!
this spat allows mystery woman to escape, but byers runs into her!!! she drops a photo of a child and he says “she’s very cute” as he hands it back to her. byers, why are you kind of a puppy dog here? look at him. aww.
he is stuttering and says she looks like she could use some help, but not in a way that sounds condescending at all; he seems like he genuinely means it, even if he doesn’t know wtf is going on.
oh my god, well looks like he is good at sniffing out the truth. he sits down with mysterious lady, who begins to tell him about how her child, who just turned three, was kidnapped by her boyfriend recently. the ex boyfriend is very dark and mysterious but dipped when there was a kid involved… but then came back and took her??! who is this man????
and the investigators are not finding anything!!! EXCEPT that the guy is in baltimore somewhere. but now the guy knows she’s looking for him!!!!!
she hands byers a card that says "arpanet/whtcorps" which he knows the meaning of; apparently it’s a special government project, and you can access it through the internet. glad it means something to him because it sure doesn't to me.
ohhhh, byers says he’ll try and go online and figure it out… i feel like he’s being drawn into some sort of trap, but he just wants to do the right thing….
they finally introduce each other, and now we know that mystery woman is named holly. good to know. he points out that there is a pack of sugar right in front of them that says holly?? ohhhh is she lying and that was the first name she came up with…….?
so byers comes back and kicks his coworker ken off of the computer. ken has been EVICTED!!!
the code brought them to the defense data network!!! and she wants him to hack into it??? that feels like a huge ask….
he betrays his FCC code of ethics and tries to get in there… and it takes him literally 3 seconds. damn. he could have been doing that all along. it was simply his moral code holding him back.
they find an encoded file allegedly for her daughter susanne modeski, but i don’t buy it….
but as they’re printing out the papers with the code on them, she says she sees the crazy ex boyfriend!!! they hide… why am i scared it’ll be mulder lmaooo
AND IT IS????????
what the fuck.
so, obviously she’s lying on a bunch of different levels. i'm trying to imagine mulder kidnapping a child. it’s laughable.
he runs into frohike and says “no thanks, handsome” to his offer of bootleg cable and frohike responds with “ah, a man of distinction” <- LMAO so they've just been flirting with each other from the very start?? good to know
mulder’s hair is fluffy to try and make him look younger, and it’s kinda funny and kinda adorable, but mostly funny
byers and holly go to frohike for help, because he is a very good hacker!!! he says, why are we trying to crack this code if we can just beat the shit out of your ex boyfriend and find your daughter??? it’s a very good point. holly says it’s too dangerous.
“lady, I’M dangerous” <- LMAOOOO frohike is a king of knowing his value
frohike says i’ll just go find him!! he could have the girl here for all we know!! that's direct action baby!!
holly’s trying to get them to stop following mulder, the "mysterious ex", while byers and frohike watch him…… mulder grabs some alien detection machine and it goes off (lmao) but then he darts into a back corridor.
and he finds them first!!! OHHHH he busts out the picture of holly and says they’re looking for her at the FBI ohhh nooooo
NOOOO... holly’s gone and ken is being taken away because they think he did the hacking… but all he did was play dig dug 😭😭 poor ken
byers starts to say it was him that did it, when frohike says you cannot turn yourself in as a hacker!!! aww byers :( he doesn't want any trouble... how far he has progressed in the episodes during which we come to know him since these initial moments of guilt and doubt
frohike says they need to hack into the FBI so they can figure out what is up with this woman. byers is gagged at such a request, but then frohike reminds him he’s literally already hacked into the government today, so get used to it.
meanwhile, langly is gambling??? wait. they’re playing D&D. how do you gamble while playing D&D??? no time to answer that. byers and frohike interrupt to request his assistance!
before he can agree to anything, langly makes frohike confess that HIS is the best kung fu 💀💀💀😭😭
byers is having a crisis as he realizes he will probably go to jail… meanwhile, langly hacked right into the FBI!!!! with great efficiency!!
omg wait!!! we have mulder’s info here…. he was born 10/31/61 and his eyes are green??? i guess i don’t spend a lot of time admiring his eyes. and he has a telephone number that i’m sure people still call and whoever it belongs to gets (rightfully) pissed tf off.
WAIT, IT LISTS HIS CAREER HISTORY….
"1983-1986: oxford university
1986: quantico academy
1988: currently assigned to the violent crimes unit"
this answers almost none of my questions, and if i think about it for longer than 3 seconds, i will end up doing a whole post trying to figure out HIS timeline in addition to scully’s. so now i have to struggle with THAT. we’ll circle back to it.
(i'm going to assume those 3 years at oxford would be for a grad degree? unless he went off and traveled the world before attending undergrad? because he would be 26 when went to quantico and then 23 when he started oxford, which gives him enough time to have done an undergrad degree somewhere else?? yeah. let's go with that for now)
they realize there is nothing in his profile about being psychotic or having a daughter, so that’s a point against holly. look at the man! looks totally sane.
OH tea…. HOLLY *is* susanne modeski, wanted for MURDER, SABOTAGE, and other crimes such as TERRORISM!!!! she blew up a lab!!!! this is... not good.
poor byers is realizing what he has done while someone enters the room!!! it’s HER!!!!!!
now what is going on here!!!!! she denies the blowing up of the lab and the killing of people, saying instead she tried to quit her job, which is not a job where you can just quit. and there is no daughter. byers looks so hurt. aww :(
she says that the coded file he found earlier contains everything she needs to expose the government’s plot against its own people… and she had unwittingly moved it forward by developing “ergotamine-histamine gas” <- well. that doesn’t sound good.
it causes anxiety and paranoia on its subjects!! is that what was released in mulder’s apartment at the end of s2??
(sometimes i miss big pieces because i'm so tuned into the little details. like finding out birthdays and the character's wall decorations. ergot i remember from never again, though)
susanne slash holly says the government is going to release this chemical onto the public in baltimore!!
she says the government is behind what happened to JFK and also placing bibles in hotel rooms. you see, i do not think these are quite on the same level of crime. oh, she says it’s for surveillance. well. okay. i guess.
they don’t seem to believe her, but she has a gun so they move forward with cracking the code as she requests. the message talks of an “E.B.O.”, an engineered biological operation, using toxins on humans.
ohhhhh there’s an address for where the toxins are located!!!! and she is being watched at all times, ordered by dr. kilbourne, who she says is her dentist??????
now what does her dentist have to do with this? OH, a mouth implant!!! i realize this mere milliseconds before she takes some pliers and leaves the room. you can imagine what will happen next.
she goes to the bathroom to pull out a tooth and it has a…. thingy in it????? what it actually does is incredibly unclear, and tbh i'm cool with that. i don't need to know everything
they flushed the tooth for the fear of giving away the location. which does make sense, but part of me thought they would study it. then they go to the warehouse and find the chemicals in the boxes as described. they are keeping the chemicals in asthma inhalers!!! that's just diabolical.
NOOOO, mulder is here!!!! and he is placing them all under arrest!!!
but then two other people come to grab her??? and mulder is like who tf are you????? they start shooting!!!! and the gas is spilling all over him!!!!!! which is why he’s ripping off his clothes!!!
the two mystery men go to shoot him, but susanne shoots them first!!!!
he’s writhing about….. and she runs away…. when a team arrives wearing gas masks???
AND THEY HAVE X WITH THEM?? who walks up to the lone gunmen, past them, and over to mulder????
X tells them to “sanitize it” while the lone gunmen are watching…… it is giving that scene in monsters inc
mulder is seeing aliens due to the drugs!!!! and that’s why he’s saying “they’re here” ohhh okay that makes sense
they take the guys susanne shot, and they throw 'em in body bags. then seal all of the other boxes of the gas, as well as the opened packaging on the floor that came from the boxes being shot a billion times.
byers asks X what authority he has to do this, which leads him to being told to stfu by frohike…. but he’s not letting it go!!!! ohhhh now they’re being sat down execution style…. X has the gun, and it is behind the head of byers...
the gun is empty, though!!!! so he tells them to "behave yourselves" and leaves. THAT'S ALL HE'S GOING TO DO?? he's going to let them simply walk away???
“it’s all true what susanne said about you people, isn’t it?", asks byers, as X leaves; "about john f kennedy, dallas?”
“i heard it was a lone gunman” <- OHHHH NAME ORIGIN REVEAL 🔥🔥🔥
(i’ve missed X rolling up, saying the coldest lines, and disappearing into the night air... rest in peace king)
someone comes to pick him up, and he leaves. just an average day on the job for a guy like him.
back to byers being questioned, where we began all of this. and the cop does not believe him at all, lmao. would you??
frohike and langly are groaning about women because “your molar pulling girlfriend roped us in and left us swinging in the breeze” (crazy sentence btw) (let's not get misogynistic about it)
oh byers is PISSED at this “i’m here because i wanted to learn the truth” <- YEAH, YOU TELL EM!!
he says she doesn’t owe him anything!!! she opened his eyes to the truth!!! i love a sad looking man with a moral compass!!
and mulder verified their story so they can leave now!!!
mulder’s car was stolen, so they think that susanne took it and went to the newspaper... and sure enough, we see her leaving the building.
they run to find her, knocking down some random guy in the process (LMAOOO) she says the reporters didn’t believe her story, and no one would, but she appreciates their help
oh, and now she’s kissing byers. you see, i didn’t want it to go in that direction. but here we are.
the pay phone right next to them starts ringing,,, and she says “no matter how paranoid you are, you’re not paranoid enough” and that they need to tell as many people as they can the truth; that is their weapon!!! so that must be why they started their organization? to spread the truth?
she is then shoved in a dark car with X in the backseat????
the three or them are then at the convention center while things are getting cleaned up. and mulder is here!!! he says he has weird ideas. susanne is no longer wanted by the FBI… he needs to know wtf happened last night!!
(zoom out as they begin explaining that the government wishes to control and surveil our lives)
mulder does a shocked “whaaa?” at this news and it was so funny lmao
yeah yeah yeah the government is always watching us. we all know that.
so! an interesting episode to see the origins of the nerds, but i’m not sure exactly what it’s leading to? why did we get an origin story for them now? are they going to be playing a bigger role in the rest of the season? or did they just think this was a nice time for a lore reveal?
hmm. hmm.
well, you may recall that earlier i specially was craving scully and mulder time. and i got NONE OF THAT HERE. so frankly, yes, i am annoyed. i’m not even saying it was a bad episode!! it just didn’t have scully in it, which makes it far less enjoyable than it could be.
i did enjoy seeing more into each of their individual personalities, though, so that is good? and i love how byers wants to be a good guy. aww. he's adorable.
i guess this was a fine episode, but it wasn't what i was looking forward to when i sat down and began watching, which was agents on the case time, so i may have no choice but to watch another episode tonight in an attempt to scratch that itch.
#to the lone gunmen: i do love you.... but i wanted scully time#you cannot blame a girl for having a preference#the thought of mulder kidnapping a child is so outrageous you have to laugh a little#everyone needs to apologize to ken who just wanted to play dig dug#not really more for me to say tbh!! it wasn't bad but i'm curious as to why their origins are being revealed now#and i guess i'm also glad that mulder's timeline seems more straightforward than hers LMAO#although i'm sure there is some complex piece of information that i am forgetting that will make my life hard#juni's x files liveblog#5x03#the x files#txf
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Hey guys
#omori fanart#omori#omori au#swingset au#aubrey omori#omori aubrey#basil omori#omori basil#todays chapter got lengthy 😕 welp guess thats what being a writer is!!#my mothetfreaking. braces appointment. i had to wake up at 6 am AND OUR PARROT DIED ALSO. sanest morning.#on the bright side i don't have to go outside#there is a dead animal in our freezer 🤯#i just wanna go to sleep tbh#SWINGSET REFERENCE SHEETS COMING SOON. I PROMISE. I SWEAR. IM WORKING ON THEM.#NOT final designs. very important. the final designs are a part of the fif after like chapter 14 or so.#can't wait to write chapter 9. lots of fun stuff. and finally something that has even some relation to canon. i promise.#the latests designs are actually close to what's final (minus a few details with stuff like clothes)#i just got an art request by my mom??? do i look like i know how to draw a parrot (related to information above)#hi tag readers. those few that read these. hiii
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☝🤓 What if 🤨🤔! I was back 😨🤯 after some months 😞😤😲... ahahah jokes 🧐🤣😂... unless 😳👉👈
#wren text tag#wren draws stuff#it has been a while ^_^ guess it's time to remove the dust from this blog eheh#anyway gaslighting all of you so I can pretend I didn't go on hiatus every 2 working days lol next year it will be the year I am sure 💪#I say while I'm waiting to get the appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed (as if I didn't have enough bullshit in the past few months)#did the check up some days ago and they really went “yeah. ur old. those are your wisdom teeth. we have to remove them sorry 😅😬😔💔💔”#I guess karma didn't know what else throw at me “idk make her bones annoying this time lol” so unoriginal man ugh wish I could unfollow 🙄🙄🙄#idk what else to add. Look at the drawing of my sona and wait (she's so silly omg 😖🤭🥰💖💕✨)#Speaking of ✨art✨ I have some stuff that were supposed to be posted this summer but UHM I will post them here nonetheless#imagine they were posted in time alright. I'm still working on learning how to warp the time-space continuum 🙏#and then I'll be back posting fresh cringe 🥰💖 can't wait to draw all my stupid silly little dumb angular blorbos#I also have memes to redraw with the StS characters tehehehe I'm so evil. nefarius. wicked. foul. villainous if you will#where's that emoji of the cat looking mischievous#😼😼😼#OH YEAH I also I have a bluesky. it's doodlingwren so uhmn. do what u want with this information. I'll make a decent announcement later on#there is no art for now over bsky. But you can see me blabbling abt my own forgetfulness (?)#also I changed the color theme for this blog. It's not that important but I think it's nice#logged in after some time and when I went to change my age in bio I got blinded by the light color combo 😂😭#I might do some lil changes in the next few days but so far it's good :3 the blue looks nice
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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me tuning in to watch a new cop show because jensen is the lead
#for the record i'm giving it the benefit of the doubt *slightly* more than this meme implies#but this was my mental image when i saw the announcement so i had to make the meme ;P#from the information released it seems like it might be about a conspiracy or a major cover up within multiple branches of law enforcement#which *might* make it subversive / somewhat critical wrt the role of police#and *might* also make it interesting enough to hold my attention despite it 1. being about cops and 2. not being a true genre show#but we'll have to wait and see once it airs i guess!#i'm willing to give the pilot a chance based on what we know so far though#anyway my kingdom for jensen to do something that has absolutely nothing to do with cops some time soon please and thank
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