#haunt me verse bs

[theemptyislost]

Since this is taking so long, here is a snippet. (its unedited and still a rough draft)

[animusrox]

TOP 10

Past Lives

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

How to Blow Up a Pipeline

Poor Things

Oppenheimer

Barbie

BlackBerry

The Holdovers

The Iron Claw

Killers of the Flower Moon

MY LETTERBOXD Grade A 11.    The Killer 12.    Beau Is Afraid 13.    Dream Scenario 14.    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 15.    Godzilla Minus One 16.    American Fiction 17.    They Cloned Tyrone 18.     Evil Dead Rise 19.    Eileen 20.    The Artifice Girl 21.   Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem 22.    Talk to Me 23.    Reality 24.    Leave the World Behind 25.    A Thousand and One 26.    Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One 27.    Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. 28.    Theater Camp 29.   Carmen 30.    Merry Little Batman 31.    Priscilla 32.    Society of the Snow 33.    Infinity Pool 34.    Enys Men 35.    Sanctuary 36.    Rye Lane 37.    Skinamarink 38.    Monster 39.    Anatomy of a Fall 40.    Landscape with Invisible Hand 41.    Reptile 42.    Sisu 43.    Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game 44.    No One Will Save You 45.    Tetris 46.    May December 47.    The Zone of Interest 48.    V/H/S/85 49.    Dumb Money 50.    El Conde 51.    Arnold 52.    Maestro 53.    Napoleon 54.    20 Days in Mariupol 55.    Influencer 56.    The Creator 57.    Origin 58.    Thanksgiving 59.    Next Goal Wins 60.    The Boy and the Heron 61.    Bottoms 62.    Wonka

[Press Keep Reading For The Full Graded List]

Grade B

63.   God Is a Bullet 64.    No Hard Feelings 65.    Joy Ride 66.    Fair Play 67.     Cocaine Bear 68.    NYAD 69.    Asteroid City 70.    Nowhere 71.    The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster 72.    Divinity 73.    The Equalizer 3 74.    The Last Voyage of the Demeter 75.    Venus 76.    Butcher’s Crossing 77.    Somewhere in Queens 78.    The Persian Version 79.    Boston Strangler 80.    Polite Society 81.    Miguel Wants to Fight 82.    The Color Purple 83.    The Royal Hotel 84.    Saw X 85.    All of Us Strangers 86.    Fallen Leaves 87.    Ferrari 88.    Elemental 89.    Peter Pan & Wendy 90.    Renfield 91.    Cat Person 92.    Scream VI 93.    The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes 94.    BS High 95.    Blue Beetle 96.    Huesera: The Bone Woman 97.    When Evil Lurks 98.    Dark Harvest 99.    A Good Person 100.    Final Cut 101.    Knock at the Cabin 102.    Quiz Lady 103.    Leo 104.    Air 105.    The Super Mario Bros. Movie 106.    Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham 107.    John Wick: Chapter 4 108.    Beaten to Death 109.    The Wrath of Becky 110.    Passages 111.    Transformers: Rise of the Beasts 112.    Gran Turismo 113.    65 114.    Sick 115.    Sister Death 116.    The Blackening 117.    Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain 118.    Flamin’ Hot 119.    Nimona 120.    Cobweb 121.    Totally Killer 122.    What’s Love Got to Do with It? 123.     Sharper 124.    Unseen 125.    Dunki 126.    Bird Box Barcelona 127.    The Marvels 128.    Shazam! Fury of the Gods

Grade C

129.   Wildflower 130.    Freelance 131.    M3GAN 132.    Strays 133.    Sympathy for the Devil 134.    Creed III 135.    Chevalier 136.    The Marsh King’s Daughter 137.    A Haunting in Venice 138.    The Little Mermaid 139.    Silent Night 140.    Master Gardener 141.    The Flash 142.    Fast X 143.    The Pope’s Exorcist 144.    Saltburn 145.    Kandahar 146.    Stand 147.    Plane 148.   Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny 149.    Fingernails 150.    Quicksand 151.    Fool’s Paradise 152.    Migration 153.    Rustin 154.    The Covenant 155.    Good Burger 2 156.    The Pod Generation 157.    Alice, Darling 158.    Insidious: The Red Door 159.    Missing 160.    Shotgun Wedding 161.    You Hurt My Feelings 162.    The Boogeyman 163.    Showing Up 164.    Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom 165.    Champions 166.    Consecration 167.    The Nun II 168.    Biosphere 169.    House Party 170.    The Exorcist: Believer 171.    Big George Foreman 172.    Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves 173.    Children of the Corn 174.    The Beanie Bubble 175.    Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Grade F

176.    Anyone But You 177.    Marlowe 178.    Paint 179.    Extraction 2 180.    It Lives Inside 181.    Deliver Us 182.    Trolls Band Together 183.    Finestkind 184.    Corner Office 185.    Wish 186.    Prisoner’s Daughter 187.    Pain Hustlers 188.    Foe 189.    The Mother 190.    Old Dads 191.    Ghosted 192.    Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken 193.    Haunted Mansion 194.    Mafia Mamma 195.    Five Nights at Freddy’s 196.    The Machine 197.    Justice League: Warworld 198.    We Have a Ghost 199.    What Comes Around 200.    Legion of Super-Heroes 201.    The Boys in the Boat 202.    Attachment 203.    Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre 204.    About My Father 205.    You People 206.    Meg 2: The Trench 207.    Pathaan 208.    Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire 209.    Assassin 210.    Dalíland 211.    Vacation Friends 2

Bottom 10

212.    Sound of Freedom 213.    Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 214.    When You Finish Saving The World 215.    Heart of Stone 216.    Family Switch 217.    Expend4bles 218.    Sweetwater 219.    Hypnotic 220.    80 for Brady 221.    Spinning Gold

[cipher-fresh]

Me again (HC guy), I’ve got some more Tolkien trivia. Some time between 1955 and 1972, JRR Tolkien received a gift from a fan. It was a goblet with the ring verse inscribed upon in in Black Speech as seen in the book and films. But because BS is an evil tongue, Tolkien was astounded and horrified by this gift, he decided to use it as an ash tray. I swear I’m not making this up. He wrote about it in a letter and everything. I think it’s hysterical. What about you?

that is so funny…Tolkien my dude you MADE that language. was he being haunted by it. also hearing pre-internet fandom stuff is wild like people just did that

[satans-helper]

What Nick cave songs would you recommend I want to be one of his children too pls

YO. FRIEND. Always happy to introduce people to my Dark Father! Let me preface by saying there's not a single NC&BS album I dislike and I think my suggestions as for which songs to sort of start with might be unorthodox. But here we go.

Do You Love Me? (Pt. I) from Let Love In. What an opener. I think this song is a beautiful introduction to how masterful and gorgeous Nick's writing can be. That first verse alone sends shivers down my spine. I think it also is really revealing when it comes to the various skills of the rest of the band. Lots of piano, rhythmic guitar, everything has its place.

From Her to Eternity from the debut album of the same name. Their early work really has so much intense, violent and visceral energy and themes wrapped up inside. I think this song is a great standalone expression of that, not only lyrically but vocally and musically. Jarring, unsettling and dark...yeah, that's 80s Nick Cave.

Tupelo from The First Born Is Dead. Personally I really love Nick's fascination with Elvis (and the deep American south) so I was really drawn to this song. I hear it as a twisted, almost mythological storytelling of Elvis' birth ("distant thunder rumble. Rumble hungry like the Beast. The Beast it cometh") LOVE the bass in this song.

Stagger Lee from Murder Ballads. Now, this album is probably my least favorite but goddamn, if this song ain't a banger. More inspiration from the American south, more storytelling, more of Nick's messed up characters, tons of cursing...it's fucking wild.

Brompton Oratory from The Boatman's Call, the album Nick created after his breakup with PJ Harvey. Quite simply, I think this song is beautiful. Nick's voice is as gentle as the music, like a breeze. I feel this album and Let Love In which comes right before it show more personal vulnerability within Nick, but The Boatman's Call is so completely open and not full of loud, violent anguish, but full of quiet, sad pain and introspection.

There She Goes, My Beautiful World from Abattoir Blues / The Lyre of Orpheus. This is just...LIVELY. one of my top ten songs. It's full of incredible energy, especially thanks to the gospel influence and amazing backing vocals, and I love Nick's cultural and artistic references in this song all about that journey to find inspiration and just create.

Jubilee Street from Push The Sky Away. This, to me, is like, some of the ultimate grown-up Nick. I know this is written as and intended to be a song that's actually more uplifting, and I think it really is, but man. It pulls my heart straight down every time I hear it (stringed instruments really get me...) There was a time when I cried every time I listened to it. It's also where i got the lyrics in my blog header from. I'm amazed by it. In awe. I'm transforming. I'm vibrating. I'm glowing. I'm flying. Look at me now.

I Need You from Skeleton Tree. If you want raw emotion, here it is. I know this album was in production before Nick's son died but this album always speaks to me as an album of grief. He has a really haunting voice on this song, it feels almost too personal to be listening to.

Bright Horses from Ghosteen. Okay, so THIS album is actually the grief album. But Nick himself also said he feels this album is more hopeful and optimistic than anything and I agree, with its sad, quiet, enchanting beauty. This is vastly different from every other album and it should be. I love every single track but I think as an introduction, Bright Horses really exemplifies that light and hope Nick was working to convey. It's gorgeous. It makes me weep. Only Nick can do this.

I hope this wasn't too much but I am a diehard Nick Cave stan. I really do view him unlike any other musician I'm a fan of. He truly is godlike to me, an eternal beacon of inspiration and fascination. I feel very blessed to have been in his presence multiple times. The band as a whole is phenomenal and I really hope you enjoy some of these...please feel free to share your thoughts if you listen to any! 💗💕

[winebleeds]

sample scenarios & plots based on common themes & tropes i’ve seen on tumblr. may help with interactions & ease into plotting, though each of the muses have their own verses found in their main bio pages that can be found in the navi link on the pinned post (raleigh’s, liz’s, and jamie’s verses are completed, but i am still working on maddie’s, so you can pm me for that). i’ve numbered these where you may reply with said number for this post, if interested, or mention them in the other verses comment in the interest tracker. I am putting this under a read more since it’s long & i may updated this occasionally when ideas comes to mind. you can also message on discord, with that on the pinned post as well. 💖

GENERAL

G1.    🌌space🌌 in our favorite rocketship  G2.    but especially relating to kohalto, a lore that i can go more in depth with private chats without having the entirely of the lore written out yet. kohalto can also be a dystopian society that’s located on earth. G3.    raleigh, liz, & jamie being part of the same crime syndicate instead of doing their own small scale crimes, either base on your muses lore or one plotted out. they could also be part of a rival syndicate from your muse or the three person crew is getting in the way of your muses crimes.   G4:    more on ellesmere, which can be from your muse riding on the ellesmere trail or the first time on the property. honestly this is more of a setting piece. G5:    speaking of the ellesmere setting, a regency / victorian era plot where ellesmere is in england. could be br*dergton or a*sten based. or just any historical plot with the spencers being equestrians. really just anything in historical periods, from the 80s or ancient. G6.    of course the ever so cliché of  your muse is friends, rivals, or acquainted with raleigh/jamie/liz/maddie & your muse meets jamie/liz/raleigh & either has a fling, relationship, or one sided crush on jamie/raleigh/liz. because liking a friend’s sibling is spicy apparently. G7.    an au where the four spencers work at a restaurant or café. this can be flexible in terms of being in competition with your muse’s place or your muse being a customer / working with them (either with your muse as the owner or working under the spencer business). for the positions themselves, raleigh & liz would be the co-owners/manager as they split tasks (raleigh with employees while liz with accounting, ie), though liz could also serve as a bartender, then jamie as a chef/barista, and maddie as a hostess/server/barista.

 RALEIGH

R1.    most likely to be a teacher, either with primary, secondary, or uni. probably teaches biology or any science related field. R2.    most likely to pay for your muse coffee or drink at a cafe. or just paying it forward in general. also the most likely to venture into cafes getting his tea or going into a library / bookstore to get a new book. R3.    he likes exploring different areas and, while not believing in any supernatural, would be the most likely to investigate with your muse in haunted places or supernatural things, if only for his curiosity or looking at that nice ivy. outside of supernatural, he’ll just venture in nature. R4.    ANYTHING WITH HIS DOGS. R5.    if he does anything pertaining in the celebrity world, he would be a director or writer. and he would hate the limelight & he just wants to be creative. R6.    most likely to be the oblivious one that won’t realize there’s a relationship. so ig slow burn. and anything awkward or friends to lovers. but also most likely to talk to any ex’s again, for anything romantic. R7.    someone to talk nerdy to him. or influencing his chaotic side & doing dumb things together.  for more platonic or general relationships.  R8.    would offer his space if someone needs somewhere to live or stich up close. he’s a gentle mom friend when someone gets close enough to him. can be supportive of younger muses.

ELIZABETH

E1.    most likely to be a lawyer or politician aide. any position that her father would prefer her to have over an engineering. E2.    most likely to be part of your muses’ own business if she’s shooting for a higher position within it, like cfo or ceo or just the executive board. mainly for fashion design but anything in general. E3.    for any of her older verses, then she could be a CEO, politician (senate), or a professor for a uni with engineering. E4.    for her becoming a celebrity, then a musician similar to... yeah. so country to indie pop & has a reputation similar to her modern. maddie probably writes the lyrics for liz though. i just can’t see liz getting into acting rip, though she could produce. E5.    horses. neigh. that’s all. but even an au where she runs ellesmere or has a horse pasture herself... with her own winery. E6.    mostly likely for slow burns & rivals / enemies to lovers, for anything romantic. also the most likely to have one night stands or just ghost your muse. E7.    most likely to have wine nights with your muse. or being someone that, while blunt, your muse ends up talking to because liz listens. or your muse just sees through liz’s icey bs & befriends her.  E8.    also the most likely to “adopt” or being extra supportive your muse if they need a home, physically or emotionally. or just needs someone to remind them to finish that resume & proofread papers. the most stern mom friend, but a caring mom friend nevertheless. 

JAMIE

J0. his name is benjamin james spencer, & his nickname was benny but now is ben (because i love you charlie) J1.    most likely to go into acting once his football career vanished.  J2.    most likely to be a firefight too, especially if his cousin nick had more inspiration with jamie. J3.    most likely to fight your muse if your muse is confrontational & filled with testosterone. so someone fight his ass. OH, could even be a boxing au if jamie is like, forgetting about his own physical health. but this easily fits in modern if you muse ever ticks jamie off. J4.    so jamie is actually the biggest animal out of the four, so him going to animal shelters or horses or dealing with his cat or your muses’ pets. would definitely get his softer side here. could even be him running ellesmere. J5.    BODYGUARD AU. J6.    also the most likely to fall into the fake dating trope. can have one night stands as well, but doesn’t like them as much anymore. J7.    your muse being someone that jamie felt he wronged in his younger years, such as being a jerk in college or having puked on your muse then blaming them for it, you know, his darker period. and, now, he’s reconnecting in order to apologize about the things he’s done wrong. could go swell or angsty. J8:    most likely to be the one your muse has to “adopt” or support whenever he does dumb things. someone tell him not to get into fights. so having a paternal / older sibling figure.

MADDIE

M1.    her being a known bassist / rock star with her band & has that celebrity status within the alternative / rock / metal genres. but she could also be part of your muse’s band or genre sphere. M2.    most likely to be in college with your muse, where maddie lives in a dorm instead with liz or have classes together... though likely to skip those classes. M3.    most likely to be a tattoo artist or running a flowershop. M4.    is the one that likes being around artists, being an artist herself.  M5.    mostly likely be a waitress or bartend, practically when she doesn’t go to college. M6.    being part of her cousin’s motorcycle gang. M7.    most likely be to accept your muse as an older platonic figure or even like a sibling to her. someone to guide her in life as she grows into her own.

[ngeibheann]

Nobody Needs to Know

don’t ask why i’m doing this just [john mulaney voice] go! FETCH!

For the record, medicine isn't miracles. He's not really sure what it'll take for other people to get that through their thick skulls.

A re-write of The Oaths They Take, almost five years later.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27880353

When shit goes south with a dullahan, Worth spends about two hours cleaning wounds, applying runes, and swearing at any little thing that moves. Hanna’s out for the night, medicated to a comfortable sleep on Worth’s insistence that he needs to be asleep unless he makes a break for it to go chasing after the monster again. He puts tall, dark, and dead in charge of making sure he stays asleep, but leaving the room gives him the perfect opportunity to start antagonizing a vampire the second he starts asking questions.

 It’s an awful goddamn pantomime they’ve got going on. Someone gets hurt, someone starts yelling, someone starts punching. It’s a social re-run, with the dialogue blurring together with past arguments. It’s remixed and retooled, and suddenly calling someone a cunt seems fresh and exciting. What’s less fresh would be the right hook to the jaw, knuckles scraping just barely against teeth.

 In their equal defenses, bickering about how much effort Worth had put into stabilizing Hanna probably was going to end with someone swinging. A lot of bloody rage for his apparent ineptitude as a medical professional, a lot of misplaced wish-upon-a-star bullshit about what medicine can do and how fast it works.

 “Medicine ain’t magic, an’ I’m not some fuckin fairy. You, maybe. Not me.”

 The comment is spat out with a tall leer and a bandaged hand running across his face, attention paid to a busted lip. The indignant look Conrad gives Worth isn’t anything new, but there’s a flash of what, regret? That maybe behind all of the bastard bravado there’s something that makes him feel some kind of guilt for hitting him? Shame isn’t tolerated in the clinic, usually.

 Worth crosses his arms over his chest when he realizes the silence is punctuated by that stare. “He’s gonna be out fer awhile. Y’can leave if yer gonna just stare at me like that.”

 Conrad blinks himself out of the daze, mirroring the crossed arms in a bout of defensiveness. “I expected you to punch me back.”

 He doesn’t expect the doctor to roll his eyes, a sigh like a heavy hiss before moving away from his position in their little stage at the center of the clinic, meandering back to a filing cabinet behind his desk. Conrad follows, if only out of morbid curiosity when he hears him mutter don’t feel like it as a response.

 “Wait, wait,” Conrad says, hand dropping onto the scuffed surface of Worth’s desk, only to immediately retract it when he comes into contact with some sort of slick substance that sticks to his hand for a moment. “You’re pissed.”

 Worth doesn’t dignify the analysis with a response, hissing and cursing at the filing cabinet when he rattles it loose on its bearings. It groans and screeches on the rails, metal screams against metal— the contents inside clattering with a glassy clatter and wet noise. It’s enough to cause some flinching on Conrad’s behalf, vampire senses be damned.

 When Worth turns around, he’s got a handle of tequila in hand and a neutral glare on his face. He sidles closer to Conrad, lean-sitting against the edge of the desk and unscrewing the cap of the bottle with deadened abandon. It’s unnatural, his silence stilted and the level of visible malice in him dropped to a complete standstill. It’d be pleasant if it didn’t manage to fill Conrad with curious dread.

 “Don’t tell me you grew a conscience after I decked you,” Conrad says, if only to goad Worth into acting more like himself and less like a haunted mannequin. “I might think you actually—“

 Worth cuffs him in the back of the head, his free hand delivering an open-palmed smack while he takes a belt from the amber bottle. It’s a sharp hit, enough to earn an ow, fuck in response. The look he gets is incredulous, offended, and yet somehow died back to a state of bewildered mystery.

 “Fuck yer conscience bullshit,” Worth finally bites out, bottle hanging loosely from the neck in his grasp. “Yeh wouldn’t be in here pissin’ an’ moanin’ about m’ bedside manner if yeh actually had an ounce a’ competence in your body. All of yeh, fuckin’ amazing.”

 “Oh, so Hanna being attacked by some weird horseman thing is my fault, now?” Conrad asks, and his fists curl at the nod he receives in return to the question.

 “All of yer faults. Stupid as sin, can’t keep that kid outta trouble, then yeh come in and have me patch Little Red Ridin’ Rune back up—“

 “Keeping him out of trouble is like keeping you out of a fucking liquor store, jackass.”

 The interruption earns another swat, only to be stopped mid-swing when Conrad swivels to grab his wrist with some degree of bruising force. Worth swears under his breath, sucks in air through his teeth, and takes another drink.

 Conrad glares back at him, bony wrist still in hand. “So were you always this much of a callous douche, or do you just need therapy and an AA meeting?”

 “What is this, a first date?”

 “Always a dick. Got it.”

 There’s a long pause before Worth thrusts the bottle of tequila in Conrad’s general direction, the tension in his shoulders dropping when he gives a protracted sigh. Conrad doesn’t take the offer, which then lets Worth remember that right, he is a vampire. No matter how much tequila is in his bloodstream, there’s no blood in booze.

 “Take a wild guess why I dropped out.” Worth says, an exhausted command. The bottle sits on the last remaining free space on the desk, atop a stack of messy papers. Conrad finally lets go of his wrist, only to cross his arms and close his eyes in an overblown act of thought.

 “My money’s on illiteracy or completely flunking out.” Conrad says, finger tapping against his arm. He opens his eyes to look back at Worth with a smug grin. “Am I right, or am I painfully right?”

 “I’ve got a BS in pre-med, dickhead,” Worth says, but there’s some degree of a smile on his face. It’s weird, Conrad admits to the existence of some positive expression on Worth as a bizzaro hex, but it’s more welcome than whatever hollow demon was possessing him moments ago.

 “You’re bluffing.”

 “I went t’ fuckin’ NYU. Grossman.”

 Conrad stares back at him, knowing full well the insinuation is that Worth did well, and at some point, had an obscene amount of money. Certainly passed an MCAT along the way, which is possibly the most un-Worth thing he could have ever guessed. But, by the venom in the way he says Grossman, Conrad knows it’s not a lie.

 “So, why’d you leave, then? Money run out?” Conrad asks, and Worth makes a point of looking back to the exam room, as if he could somehow see everything behind the wood of the door. His hands tent together before picking at the gauze on his arms.

 “Yeh ever think about how patient info sounds like bible verses?” Worth asks, which gets a blank stare if only for the insane revelation that Worth gives enough of a damn about the bible to draw that conclusion. “John, 19. Claire, 28. Steven, 14. Like that.”

 Conrad clears his throat to absolve him of any lingering ogling of the way Worth seems to quiet himself when he brings up the suggestion, fixated on his own arms. “Can’t say I have.”

 Worth looks up from his wrists, head slightly tilted. There’s exhaustion in his expression that his voice barely carries. “Y’think about it more when they die.”

 “You dropped out because—“

 “I didn’t have th’ balls t’ watch people mistake medicine fer miracles every night a’ my life? Or maybe it was watchin’ people die?” Worth answers with a question that’s not quite a question, pushing a hand through his hair with a ragged sigh. He taps the pockets of his coat, quick to fumble through getting a cigarette and jamming the filter between his teeth.

 There’s a dead silence between them and the click of the lighter, and Conrad finally notices the flecks of red on the gauze covering Worth’s arms. He hadn’t been picking at his skin, but if blood was— jesus christ. Leave it to him, really. Walking around with someone else’s blood on him, despite an apparent attempt to have washed it off if his hands are any sure sign of concern. It’d be poetic if it weren’t so fucking morbid.

 Instead, Conrad opts to put a hand out. “Pass me one.”

 Worth gives him a side eye of insane proportions. “Since when d’ya smoke, princess?”

 Conrad rolls his eyes at the nickname, instead leaning over and taking a cigarette from the coat pocket himself. It’s a risky move, it’s a little too weirdo-intimate, but judging by the lack of protest, it’s probably fine. He mentions something about a metric fuckton of weed in college- art school bullshit and all that jazz. It’s enough of an answer to get Worth to give him a light at least, the two sitting on the table and taking silent drags.

 It was stressful, the bad shape Hanna had been in, and Conrad doesn’t exactly get Worth’s opinion on Hanna, but he knows he has to care somehow. In his own insult you on the operating table sort of way, but it’s still giving a shit. Seeing him visibly shaken feels cruel, almost. Any other day he’d be reveling in the way Worth’s been knocked off his hostile high-horse, but now it’d seem evil. A trespass of some kind.

 He doesn’t know when he started leaning against him, maybe an instinct to hunt for some extra bodily warmth in the chill of the clinic. It’s a bitter late November, and being undead doesn’t do Conrad any favors in the cold.

 He figures it can’t hurt to ask another question, that maybe Worth actually brought it up because he wants to talk about what the hell happened in New York. That maybe he’s moved on from being a petulant child and learned to use his words.

 “Why’d you tell me this?”

 The question is quiet and gets a huff in response, a slow drag hazing the air around them. Worth puts a free hand on Conrad’s shoulder, slowly slinking down his back to give a firm clap against his shoulder blade.

 “Cause,” He says slowly, staring at the front door of the clinic. “Nobody’s ever gonna believe ya if yeh squeal.”

 Of fucking course. Conrad can’t quite make out the tone, if he’s been bluffing the whole time or just pointing out that nobody in their right mind would ever believe he’d ever admit to that, especially to him.

 “Fucker.” Conrad says under a smoke-laiden exhale, opting for the response that gives Worth some plausible deniability to keep up the unshakeable asshole facade.

 “Bitch.” Worth mutters back, hand still idly moving against his back, personal space entirely forgotten in that moment.

 It’s going to be a long night.

[risingsouls]

Headcanon: Gohan

[So I had this thought about Gohan last night and again after seeing a manga scan from dumb Super that I’ve had on many occasions and have probably waxed on about here on twice as many occasions. While ranting to the two poor souls that suffer my bs more than most, I was discussing my experience as a Gohan Fan within the DB fandom, both here and outside of Dumblr. Of course, the fuckboy idea of hating Gohan because he wanted to be a scholar and gave up fighting (essentially) in canon and wasn’t another carbon copy of Goku and Vegeta came up, and I articulated my thoughts on it better last night than I think I ever have, so here I am, sharing this revelation.

So, if you’ve read my bio/verses for Gohan, I have maintained in my canon for him that he does try to keep up with his training along with his studies. Disclaimer: while it may seem like I share the same idea of hating that Gohan wanted to be something other than a fighter like mentioned fuckboys, I am here to vehemently say that it’s not true. Not in the same vapid way (and hate’s a strong word because I don’t mind that choice in canon because it does make sense. To a degree, which I will obvs go into now).

My original reasoning for this addendum to how canon handles Gohan post-Z that I’ve mentioned before is basically that, as much as he cares about those around him--friends or complete strangers--, it makes less sense imo for him to just stop altogether and just settle back into the “Dad’s/Goku’s got this” sort of mindset that prevails among pretty much all the Z warriors and co. With his failures with Cell and then again with Buu (i.e. letting his confidence get the better of him and losing the edge he had in the fights and costing innocent lives, including his father’s because of it), someone as empathetic and caring as Gohan wouldn’t just shrug those failures off; they would stick in his subconscious and haunt him, to be dramatic. He lived through an era where Goku wasn’t there to save the day (an era of peace, granted, if you don’t count the movies), so with these things in mind, it’s difficult for me to see him dropping training altogether. Would it be as intensive as Goku and Vegeta, or even Tien and Piccolo? Definitely not. But I feel like he would still try to train WHILE he pursues his dream of becoming a scholar.

(That part was longer than I meant to make it BUT HERE’S THE REAL BIT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT)

The other revelation I had about this last night goes more into the decision from a writing stand point. The decision made in canon to have Gohan fully abandon his training like...defeats the whole purpose of his turning point when he fought Cell. You know, that big moment where he’s refusing to fight because that’s not who he is or wants to be and he wants peace and warns Cell not to anger him but 16 talks to him and, as his friends are being beaten to near death by the Cell Jrs, points out to him that there are people and monsters in the universe that do not care about peace or much of anything else. That there are times when it is okay and necessary to fight to protect the people and things you love. The conversation and moment that spurs his transformation to Super Saiyan 2 and gives him the power to beat Cell. To me, this is a moment and conversation that sticks with him throughout the rest of his life (I mean he becomes the Great Saiyaman to protect people and kick bad guy ass, an example of fighting to protect people, especially when they can’t protect themselves), and for him to stop training altogether just sort of takes the understanding he comes to, a pivotal change in his character that further sets him apart from especially Goku and Vegeta (as in, fighting as a need rather than an enjoyment of it), and sets it on fire. It really just takes an important moment and makes it near irrelevant. And that’s what irks me about that decision. Not because he’s not a badass meat head like his dad and Vegeta, but that, imo, it makes very important developments in Gohan’s character basically irrelevant. And I don’t see why he couldn’t balance both, damn it. xD]

[adevotedappraisal]

The Carter Trilogy, part three of five

4:44: And you stare blankly into space, thinking about all the time you wasted on all this basic shit

During Fade to Black, the documentary following Jay Zs 2003 farewell performance for a short-lived retirement from rap, this curious thing happens. Between the setups for the performance at Madison Square Garden, and Jay traversing the country to nest with hit producer after producer, a scene appears of Jay, presumably at his Roc-a-Fella records headquarters, asking, actually beseeching, the motley crew of executives, rappers and goons to prod him to talk about the negative effects of drugs and guns in a song, being that he had glamourized them over the course of six or so albums by that point. No resolution to change course was made at that meeting, but the look of Jay Z in that scene was riveting.  He looked like a man that wanted some kind, aged woman to hold his face in her hands and tell him to follow his heart.  Instead he was surrounded by men only concerned with the bottom line, men he personally chose.  “If that’s what they want to hear, then they buy it,” one says.

Then, there’s a moment on the album he traversed the country for, 2003s The Black Album, on the song “Moment of Clarity,” where he says the lines “truthfully I’d rather rhyme like Common Sense, but I did five mil, and I ain’t rhyme like Common since,” once again exposing some type of urge to, I don’t know, tell the world the tumbling and uncovered things washing around in his soul that sounded like the hot whiskey that sloshed around in Nina Simone’s voice, or like Un’s voice that night he was stabbed, or like that trembling awe in Donny Hathaway’s voice when he let go and sang about being free, or that sounded like his wife’s flat voice as she stared blankly into space over the phone.  Well that urge, that curiosity, to step outside of the celebrity version that one constructs to present to the world, is found on 4:44.

A stark, bracing look at the life of Shawn Carter, rife with intimacy and triumph are found across these songs, some which show a Jay Z in charge, advising and boasting, and another set of songs that deconstruct the myth of the Rap star at the same time.  

Opener “Kill Jay Z” is a series of clear-eyed, accusatory, second person couplets over a panicked muffle of a beat.  Confessionals and invective pushed together into lines, not only in the famous Kanye “20 mill” line but also in “you stabbed Un over some records, your excuse was he was talking too reckless,” and “you got people you love you sold drugs to, you got high on the life, that shit drugged you.”  It’s the type of shit men say into the shower in tortured litanies the afternoon after a late night bender, a shocking look at a man without his crown coming to terms with himself. The lines come off as strips of ego, revealing a man as used to failing as he is to winning.

Then there is the centerpiece and title track, which along with Cardi Bs “Bodak Yellow,” was one of the best songs a New York rapper released that year, a track that marries captivating lyrics over an equally striking beat.  

He uses his voice in subtle ways now, to express shaded emotions, like in “Adnis,” from the set of throwaways-for-a-reason extra CD tracks, where he confesses about his father “you couldn’t kick the habit, wished you had said something,” and over that whinnying vocal sample and those somber piano chords I try to imagine the advice a drug dealer might give to a parent that uses, the karmic kindness he might have met him with.

And on “Legacy” he is limber and reflective, on a coolly lazy chop of some drums and that Donnie Hathaway voice sample I told you about, sounding like Train of Thought-era Talib Kweli.  Rapping again about his father, or Father, he says, “I studied muslims, bhuddas and Christians, I was running from him, but he was giving me wisdom.”  

First the beat, a joyous chop of some modern Blue Eyed soul from Britain, the swooping runs and hot yelps of the singer swirling into a deep groove, a masterful manufacturing of voice and instrumental bombast that recalls the great beats of J Dilla’s rhythmic juggling of Luther Vandross’ voice in “Airworks,” and Just Blaze’s arresting rendering of Gladys Knights voice on Freeway’s “When They Remember.”  The song, and all production here, is handled by Chicago producer No I.D.  

He came up producing the first three Common albums with the same multi-bar looping of sounds, with the Common songs focusing on the bassline and guitar of jazz and funk records.  But with Jay, his beats has its main characteristics coming from the chopping of the piano, the voice and the soft harmonies of Soul songs, and this song it is said, was done after No I.D. sent him the beat and song to listen to, with Jay listening and then later waking at the titular time to compose and spew his guts out about his marriage and behavior.  

Now whether that story is true, or whether it is true for marketing purposes, is immaterial, because the truth and the purported truth both resulted in this resolute, unflinched honesty, these lyrics cutting into not only the mirrored scales of celebrity drama, but into the dermis and flesh of relationships themselves. “I said ‘don’t embarrass me’ instead of ‘be mine,’ that was my proposal for us to go steady,” he says, the admission of a man on top of the Rap world at the start of the millenium, from when he was cocksure and unsure at the same time.  

Later, he talks of stillborns, then threesomes and then there is the crushing observation “your eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed,” and then he ends a verse with the prayer of husbands in the quote “I stew over, what if, you over, my shit?”

This is an examination of the parts of a man when he was broken and flailing for control, the myth deflated into an approachable Clark Kent of a rapper, and broken down even more until the mask goes away, until the acknowledgement that Santa Claus is fake, until what results is an aesthetic of honesty, a veteran giving a seamless performance of realness.

There of course is still Jay’s expected brand of braggadocio, the songs that make up the mythical Jay, and that creates the tension of this album. “Smile” finds Jay and his mother rising above their adversaries of career and sexuality over a sweet sampling of a Stevie Wonder classic. “Aw you thought I was washed/ I’m at the cleaners, laundering dirty money, like the teamsters,” he boasts. There’s “Bam” with Junior Gong, where he is at his most alert and violent, surrounded by an angelic cloud of Sister Nancys echoing through the reggae strut.  With “Marcy Me,” the rapper is at the top of his powers, each line filled with double entendres and agile flows, the song resonant and dense enough to be the type of track found on a late-nineties DJ Clue tape, and then it starts slowing down and expanding into an epic sprawl, the voices of yesteryear stretched, echoed.

This look at the man behind the throne is what gives a lot of 4:44 its social and emotional push forward.  As time has passed though, we see that the album that came with building-spanning pomp and mysterious advertisements, is in reality an insular record, with wisened words cosseted in beats with warm, swirling harmonies.   What the Brooklyn, N.Y. rapper manages to do is produce a solid album, not about relishing in cash, money and hoes, but about a life in the wake of those excesses, and about the barbed reckoning in the heart of marriages necessary for them to beat again.  I don’t think Jay is haunted by his searching questions from that moment in the documentary.  And I don’t think he gets up at four-something in the morning anymore either.

But there’s something that stops me from just calling 4:44 a new classic and an epic comeback like others did upon release.  It’s just that, well, I wish this album swung for the fences more. There’s a ton of great album tracks dealing with the knotted distemper of love and of life, but only “4:44” and “Marcy Me” even try to whip any of this up into a frenzy, and I think that is because other than the tangled root of Frank Ocean in “Caught in Their Eyes” and the thick chants of “Bam,” there isn’t much in the way of choruses here.

There is a hermetic groove here, the songs that Jay picked for NoI.D. to chop up included a number of warm Soul records from the seventies. The songs are turned inward most lines, causing him to employ more relaxed tones in his voice, like his drugged, mocking confessions on the foggy “Moonlight.” This works well for some songs to play after some fine Common or Talib Kweli joints, but Jay Z, and his voice, are at their best when they are on top of the world, not coiled and engaging in self-flagellation.

[uayv]

＼(￣▽￣)／me again with my stream of bs album review that no one asked for~ nct 127 neo zone edition

Elevator (127F): * D I N G *. oh hellooooo sexy bass. the synth is so cute(?). lmao was gonnas ay this sounds relatively stripped back but then nevermmiiinnnnddddd. crey this is such a fun laid back song. like the kind of song id play on a sunny morning making pancakes to. 

영웅 (英雄; Kick It): honestly i love this kind of strong beat heavy songs. plus their using the same kind of chant/layered speak-sing voice that Go had. OH yeaahhh that brief beat of emptiness mmmmm sexy. eheh that one brief melodic sound softens the songs so much and makes it so nice on the ears. tbh i get why people are like oh its ~noise~ cause the melody is really hard to pull out. like you cant really hum this song without doing the dubstup BWOBBWOBWOBWOBOBWOB. ooooh raplineeeee. me a doyoung voice supremicist. im putting this on my work out playlist. ughiuhgehrigjhkewf haechans voice yeeeeee.

꿈 (Boom): creyeyryewryewurehjfkdkke johnnnyyyyyyy. i absolutely love boom. this was one of my favs during the song previews challenge thing. omfg this weird interlude...is this a bridge?...or part of the chorus???? whatever that weird sexy part is oh yeah im here for that. i actually have such a fondness for marks voice.

낮잠 (Pandora’s Box): oh looveee when it picks up. oooh a lil jazzy? blues? in the piano is it???? and that brief lil dance into minor during pandoras box. theyre really doing a lot of group lines eh. T^T maaarrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkleeelleeeeeee. taeeeyyoooonnngggg. JONNETH. man they went serious with them 90s synths. committing to the concept i approve.

Day Dream (白日夢): another ‘dream’ reference *notes into on insane conspiracy theory lockbox*. oh wtf ooooh this brief off-kilter beat suddenly in all this dreamy kind of haze. loving you feels like im dreaminnggg. interesting almost pizzicato singing layered with this amorphous dreamy sound. falestooooo. those chimes add such a nice touch. 

Interlude: Neo Zone: this is hella into the neo-verse style. i love how the interludes always have a bit of dissonance. OK DUBSTEP????????? sexy how they truly make it feel like youre gently falling from a day dream and suddenly it gets a little haunting and disjointed,,, and then hella BWAHBWAHBBWAHH. wait whatd he whisper?? no more trauma? drama?

뿔 (MAD DOG): this song is so hella taeyongs style. lol the tongue click. im just a hella sucker for marks voice. truly sounds like im blowing my speakers out with these sounds but its all good.

Sit Down!: omg sorry this just sounds like such a typical song that i might here in some clubs here. hahah jokes nevermind that was a sudden switch in the pre-chorus. OH NOPELMAO we’re back to the club. starting to see why theyve organized the album story this way and why the interlude is there.

메아리 (Love Me Now): oh sexiest opening in this album?? oooh the tropical pan flute thing in the back. this feels like one of those summer songs. I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME NOWOWOWOWOW. ohhh why do they manipulate the voices that way?? SO SUMMERY BUT ITS RAINING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. whoever falsettoing with haechan *chefs kiss*. the kind of song id vacuum to in my earphones.

우산 (Love Song): SORRY THE BEAT IT STARTED WITH AND I WAS LIKE HELLO IS THIS BRUNO MARKS? ILL RENT A BEACH HOUSE IN MIAMI? WAK UP WITH NO JAMMIES? mmmmmm jaehyun. ooooh i fucking love this song. lots of fun effects in the background with a variety of spacing. 

백야 (White Night): that 90s ass synth. oh yeh. oh oh yeh yeh. serenaaddeeee meeeeeee. zoomzoomzoomzoom.

Not Alone: oh. OH. OH? i love how their voices blend together. its just so gorgeous. WHOSE LOW ASS VOICE WAS THAT. me popping a piece of chocolate in my mouth cause this song genuinely feels so comforting.

Dreams Come True: sexy. love u. oh a light sprinkle of that piano.

[queenofcats17]

So I know this song doesn't apply to Henry at ALL, but don't you think that the fifth and sixth stanza in Christine Ebersole's After All ("Some dreams die upon the vine/And there's a relief you can't imagine" are the starting phrases for each) could work with his character?

I feel like the vibe of the song suits Henry. It may be a mother singing about her child, but I feel like Henry is the sort of man who cares very deeply about his children. I feel like he would do anything for his children, even if it ends up making them hate him in the end.

But that’s not really what you asked me. ^^” 

On to the verses you specifically mentioned.

Some dreams die upon the vine Some they never have a chance Sweeter than the sweetest wine That mine becomes The Queen of France And it's a relief you can't imagine It's filling every sinew, bone and nerve That you can get out of this hell hole And finally live the life that you deserve And that you leave the past you knew would haunt you And all the regret you didn't show Might just grow up and save you after all Might just grow up and save you Might just grow up and save you after all

This last stanza especially works for Henry. Realizing that he doesn’t have to put up with Joey’s BS was probably very empowering for him. It must have been a relief, knowing he wasn’t going to be stuck in this Hell forever.

He’d probably also be kind of burned out on the whole “dreams” thing after his experiences with Joey.

[theemptyislost]

Annnddd, here we go. -_-

Chapter 14 is up and clocking in at roughly 11,207 words. Its a long one and I STILL had to cut it short. Sorry about the delay to all who read my nonsense.

[amieravenson]

Magickal Month- October

Magickal Month- October October is the 10th month of the year, though it’s named after ‘octo’ meaning 8 in the old Roman calendar. Another one of those, right? It was moved into the 10th place with the establishment of January and February as the first and second months in the Julian and Gregorian calendars. It was also known as Wynterfylleth to the Anglo Saxons, because it was thought that Winter begins at the full moon in October. Don’t we all just love October? I don’t know many people who don’t get a little thrill when the weather starts getting chillier, when the wind starts blowing the leaves off trees, and when the pumpkin spice starts flowing. There’s just something in the air that makes you simultaneously want to be outside to see the beautiful leaves, and also go inside and prepare your nest for the long hibernation of the winter. The weather is finally breaking a little here in Georgia, we’re seeing low 80s instead of the 90s that just didn’t want to give up the ghost. I’m seeing a lot of house wrens lately, particularly a pair that have set up a nest just below the window in front of my sink where I wash dishes. We also saw a big Eastern Kingsnake a few weeks ago, and it was lovely. I hope it stays away from the hawks and owls in the neighborhood and continues to eat any poisonous snakes or obnoxious rodents that are around. I also saw a committee of black-headed vultures hanging out on a cell tower yesterday. The leaves aren’t really changing yet, but they ARE falling from trees that don’t really carry a lot of color, like the 3 trunked ash tree in my back yard that I call The Three Sisters. Lunations: New Moon in Libra October 8th at 11:46pm EDT Full Moon in Taurus October 24th at 12:45pm EDT Astronomy: October 5- Venus goes retrograde at 3:07pm in Scorpio Orionids meteor shower peaks October 21st-22nd. Southern Taurids meteor shower peaks October 28th-29th. Celtic Tree Month: Ivy (Sept 30- October 27): End of the harvest, looking back at our successes and losses, strengthening our resolve to face the future, taking the long-term view, fidelity and fertility, protection, healing, good luck for women and brides, guards against negativity and disaster, reaches around and through obstacles to find light and nourishment, reaching out, expansion. Reed (October 28- November 24): Introverting, withdrawing, connecting with the past and with spirit, ancestors, messages from the spirit world, culling that which doesn’t serve us, dreaming- but not planning. Seeking basic truth, finding direction, giving meaning and purpose to your journey, skill and direction, secret strength and secret motivations, seeing beneath the surface. Holidays (non-Pagan): October 1- Shmini Atzeret (Jewish) October 2- Simchat Torah (Jewish) October 4- Feast of St Francis of Assisi (Christian) October 8- Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples’ Day (I prefer the latter) October 9- Navaratri (Hindu) October 9- Leif Erikson Day October 16- Boss’s Day October 18- Dussehra (Hindu) Holidays (Pagan): October 6- Greek festival honoring Gaia and the Nymphs October 8- Old European feast of the Triple Goddess, as mother transforms into crone October 8- Festival of Greek Hekate, who guides followers through crises and transitions October 9- Pyanepsion Noumenia- Greek festival honoring all Gods and Goddesses October 11- Feast of the Charities to honor Goddesses of beneficence October 12- Feast of Aphrodite, honoring peace and compassion October 14- Proerosia- Greek festival where fruits of the harvest were offered to Demeter October 14- October 28- Old Norse Winter Nights Feast, honoring ancestors and deities with toasts and offerings October 19- Thesmophoria- Greek festival honoring Kore’s transition into Persephone (Goddess of the Underworld) October 27- Apatura- Festival welcoming new children and newcomers into the community October 28- November 2- Roman/Egyptian festival remembering Set’s murder of Osiris and Isis’s healing him October 31- Day of mourning witches persecuted for their religion or women who were persecuted as witches October 31- November 2- Samhain- Celtic/Welsh New Year and feast of Cerridwen October 31- November 7- Hallowmas/Day of the Dead/Mid-Autumn- marks the end of the agricultural year and last harvest as well as the transition from focusing on life and growth to death and rest, also a day to honor ancestors Themes for the month: The last harvest- bringing in the things you can use over the Winter and culling the things that you don’t intend to take forward with you. Sacrifice- giving up your crutches. The Ancestors, Spirit Guides, deepening your relationship to Deity. Speaking with spirits and the fae while the veil is thin. Introverting. Pumpkin spice and anything warm and cozy. General activities for the month: Apple picking, cider-making, making and dressing in costumes, carving pumpkins, making and eating candy, trick-or-treating, watching horror movies, visiting haunted houses, knitting for the upcoming Winter, communicating with spirits and ancestors (carefully!), divination, cutting away anything you don’t want to take into the long winter. Herbs I’m using: Pumpkin spice- come on, it’s everywhere. Coffee beans- this is when I start to up my coffee game because it’s cool enough that I can drink it without sweating. The scent just brings me into Autumn and Winter. Sandalwood- I burn incense a lot around this time of year too. It seems too overpowering in the Summer, but it feels cozy and warm as the temps start dropping. Stones I’m using: Petrified Wood- not only is it a tie to the past, and hence the ancestors, but I had a particular piece kind of jump at me recently and say it wanted to be used. Who am I to argue? Lepidolite- I got a really beautiful piece at a rock show recently, and I can’t leave it alone. As much as I love Autumn, it does bring some darker moods as the sun spends less and less time in the sky. Lepidolite is really good for depression, and will help see me through, emotionally speaking, until next Spring. Chrysanthemum Stone- good for cutting away all that doesn’t serve you. This is a great theme for this time of year. Goddess of the Month: The Norns and The Fates. These are similar groups of 3 deities who rule over the destiny and fate of each of us. I feel really drawn to fate this time of year, and they’re great to connect with for tarot readings, which I feel especially drawn to right now. I’ll be working on deepening my connection with them, and asking them to help me in my tarot/divination practices for the coming year.

October 3 card reading Our reading this month is interesting, and I feel like it has to do with a lot of what's going on in the news right now. First, we see the Three of Bats, which corresponds to the Three of Swords. So this signifies that we’re going into this month with some suffering. We’re feeling grief and really struggling with our emotions. This could be due to several things. This could be because of things that have happened to us personally, but I think it has something to do with the Kavanaugh hearings and the pain that this has dredged up for a lot of women lately. I’ve been having trouble engaging in social media because of all the #metoo stories, and though I think it’s really important to witness the pain, it can be difficult to feel inundated by it. Next, we have the Five of Pumpkins reversed. The upshot of what’s been happening in the news is that we’re realizing that we’re not alone in sharing our stories. We’re realizing that we have a lot of similiarities, and that the only way to make any sort of change is for us all to stick together and stay strong together. I think that’s a really important lesson. If one of us can help pull someone who’s struggling out of the cold, and show them they’re not alone, then we all can, and we can begin to heal collectively. Lastly, we see The Lovers reversed. I don’t see this as trouble in our relationships on a personal level, but rather a call to re-examine how we deal with each other as men and women. If we’re going to come to a place of mutual respect and healthy relationships, we need to take all the rules we learned about what it means to be a man or a woman and turn them on their heads. It’s time to stop going with the harmful status quo and envision a new way of relating. For our special guidance card, we see Skull of Stars, Infinite Possibilities. This card represents letting go of the daily BS we all deal with and thinking much, much bigger. We’re all a part of this same universe together, and when we realize that, we can find our highest selves in our highest future. It’s time to cast off old beliefs and old ways of thinking and create this universe together. ******************************** Haunting Haunting By Emmanuel George Cefai Haunting haunting down the glooms haunting haunting graves and tombs cemeteries that light in the middle of a night torches that go round cemeteries held and bound by ghosts and shrouds So verse speaks but ah! in dreaming The Sub-Conscious further speaks. My personal tides: A lot of things are still up in the air for me. They’ve been decided, but I just have to wait to hear back about decisions that have been made and determinations for my future. So I’m just trying to be patient and wait it out. In the meantime, I’m working hard on creating tarot classes, which I’ve been wanting to create for over a year. I keep getting the sense that I’m meant to teach in some way, and that feeds into my mission statement, which is to bring magick into the lives of others. My personal goals: Write, record, edit, release all my Tarot 101 classes before Yule. Begin to take steps to ‘find home’. Figure out where we’re wanting to move and start looking at prices for land. Create magick for Samhain! Read the full article

[automatismoateo]

Islam Taught Me Fear Through Djinn via /r/atheism

Submitted March 17, 2021 at 11:53AM by Independent_Lie8413 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/3cDIBbP) Islam Taught Me Fear Through Djinn

One of many things that kept me in line and drove me away from religion:

Being raised as a Muslim came with its benefits and its detriments. Thankfully, I am blessed with two loving parents who think of their children's safety and well-being before anything, so the benefits here were being taught moral values that didn't sway from righteousness and how to be kind to others, among many other lessons.

The detriments, however, balanced out the benefits in the end, one being the lesson of djinn. If you don't know, djinn in Islam (as I have been taught) are ethereal beings that walk in a different plain than us humans, but they can still see us and mess with us however they please. "Complete bs," I know... but try telling that to a child with an over-active imagination, raised in a Muslim country and therefore believing anything they are told regarding religion.

I started getting hallucinations after that lesson. Genuine. Hallucinations. The first one was when I was 9 and had passed by our bathroom (djinn, I was told, love the bathroom for some reason). A large blue figure was confronting a small red figure, both humanoid but faceless from my recollection. I was skipping down the hallway so it was a really quick moment. As soon as they were in my peripheral their heads could be seen snapping toward my direction. Then I went back to check who was there, and they were gone. I did not sleep that night.

Another time we were in a mosque somewhere in the US, I was 12 this time. There was a woman towards the front left of the praying area, clothed in black and gray, who kept bowing. At first I thought it was the customary entrance-prayer you do when you step foot onto the rug. Then she surpassed the two rounds of prayer that was customary of this action, so I glanced to look at an empty space. I was beyond freaked out at this point, but it was Friday and the 40-min lecture just started so there was no leaving any time soon. Over and over I kept seeing this lady bowing, faster and faster, until I dart my eyes to try and catch up with her but to no avail. I prayed in fear that day.

Throughout my upbringing thereafter I would cease the visual hallucinations and begin hearing the wails of a weary soul, thinking it was a family member across the house every time. Insistent on never being the boy who cried wolf I would check every time to see who was calling, but to be met by a confused brother or a sleeping mother. I questioned the verses I was taught to ward such things, those times.

Then, when I was 16, my father was insistent on his sons to marathon these new lectures by his new favorite scholar he had found on YouTube. Some of the videos discussed the histories of the men of Islam we were named after, such as Khalid Ibn Al-Waleed. They fell asleep or something but I kept watching out of boredom, until my favorite topic popped up: Djinn. This is where I learned of their ethereal presence and their impossible feats, of their immeasurable strength and their inability to proceed to the Hereafter in death. What utter fuckery I had believed in. It was at this time I completely understood how many lies had been fed to keep me in control. Among many others, the djinn were a fear factor to keep me in line of doing bad things like skipping prayers or not reciting Ayat Al-Kursi every time I entered the bathroom (seriously, what's with the bathroom?).

What amazes me is how my father, a very wise, loving, and intelligent man who knows more than is beneficial for him, believes any of this as genuine truth. And he had the audacity to tell his kid that "ooooh the djinn will haunt you forever if you are a bad boy." And here I am, imagining the cursed beings haunting me throughout my childhood, preying upon the bad boy who did not thank the lord for being raised from clay. Imagine driving fear into your children to keep them from leaving your father's religion. What a helpless thing a child is.

Huff... This is my first time venting this kind of stuff. Glad I found this place to do so.

[serenitysteps]

My pride shattered, my hope regained

I clearly remember the words my 8th grade math teacher said to me when she drove us back to school from the county Mu Alpha Theta competition, “Do you want to go to a school, where you can be the top, or a school that’ll challenge you and you might not be the top” These are words she told me when I asked her whether I should go to an IB high school. 

4 years later, I didn’t regret the choice I made to challenge myself. Yes, I was not valedictorian or salutatorian but I was still a bright student. Straight A..maybe one or two Bs.. and bright enough to get accepted to Duke. 

I believe a lot of Duke students can relate to me. We were all from one of the bests in our own high school. Most are considered the standard of the family. “Doing well” in school is something that we can all flaunt. And to a degree, we all know we are smart with several ounces of confident. 

Personally for me, this was so true. High School was a haven. Nothing to worry academically and I was always the happy virus and the mood maker of the class. But somehow this happiness, confident, and energy disappeared into thin air in college.

The same formula didn’t work anymore. And, with several failing midterm grades in some classes, my pride shattered. I especially began to look at my C- multi-calc grade as a disgrace to my math history. I was reminded of the time, my IB English teacher asked me, “Are you sure you want to go to Duke” with a hint of worry that Duke might be too hard for me. I doubted myself and began to compare myself against my peers. They didn’t look like they are struggling like me at all.  I started to think I don’t belong here. I was not good enough. 

The feeling is something that haunt me awhile. It really affected my mood and my relationships with my friends, especially with the ones at home. Sometimes, I shut down and lack energy to make even proper conversation with friends. So often, people at church or family friends shower me with praises and reminisced the joy they all felt when I got into Duke. I began to think I didn’t deserve them at all. With senior, and zero confidence in landing a job immediately, I wished I could just hide under the blanket in these moments. 

But two months ago my hopelessness took a turn. After going for a walk in East campus trail with a friend in a morning, I dropped my apartment key and late afternoon, I came back to search for it. Ironically, looking for my apartment key found a key to  open my eyes to God unlock my internal struggles. During the search, I began to have a heartfelt conversation with God, asking and demanding him to answer WHY? why success isn’t one way street? why he put me through these tribulations? And, I began to list a list of complaints. 

At that moment, a verse came into my mind. Deuteronomy 4:24: For the lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. When the verse struck me, I couldn’t do anything but pause. Pause to look at my lifeless surrounding and pause to look at my life all over again. I realize God loves me so much. He loves me so so much that he does not want me to find happiness or success without him. Not even for momentarily. He wants to be the reason and be part of my every success story. If he could be closer to me by putting me through tribulations, he would do it. 

My pride has shelled him so he is breaking my pride to let himself in. 

This is a reminder that the proverb “I can do all things” does not simply stop there but ends with “through Christ who strengthens me.” Ego and pride have no place. Above all, what’s really beautiful i nthe end is that his grace and mercy always overpower his jealousy. He always welcome me back even when I stray awy. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

my highlights list of Owl City songs

maybe you’ve only heard like “fireflies” and you dont have shit taste and aren’t a coward and so you’ve always hoped i’d make a list of imo extra standout owl city songs; maybe i just wanted to make something like this list even though i didnt try that hard to cut it down and it would change every day and i dont think i dislike any of his songs and could give reasons why i especially like some element of pretty much each of them

Assuming Everyone’s Also Heard: VANILLA TWILIGHT (Ocean Eyes), GOOD TIME (The Midsummer Station) they’re both amazing. vanilla twilight is intense and good for when you’re looking at a nice sunset and feeling brave. shaq is in the music video. that carly rae jepsen and adam young happened to team up was a great move by whoever initiated it, and good time is iconic, and there’s a version where carly rae jepsen is also singing the chorus and its better but i dont really know how to search for it in particular because its otherwise identical

***HELLO SEATTLE*** (Ocean Eyes) this was on the radio too so it couldve gone in the above section but it needs its own. im not sure i’d say this is officially my favorite owl city song but if someone hadnt heard anything by owl city this is the one i’d choose to represent his entire vibe and be the first impression. and you’d think nobody could possibly remix it but adam young himself did and its fantastic and relatable even though the only lyrics are the occasional words “hello seattle.” technically the first version of this song is on the album “of june” and theyre both good but i like the ocean eyes version best

DESIGNER SKYLINE (Of June) the most upbeat song on the album probably. adam young is very very good at lyrics and some elements of this include his imagery, rhythm, alliteration, wordplay, and general ability to make the words in a song both euphonic in the sound along but also be very Pretty content wise. ok im most serious about how good he is with lyrics so maybe i’ll be more concise after this one

FUZZY BLUE LIGHTS (Of June) owl city songs aren’t depressing or even really Sad even when they’re sad (w/ some exceptions…cough silhouette) but they’re good if you are / have been a Sad Person Who Lives In Their Head because thats what a lot of the songs are about / the perspective theyre from. this one sounds like that and also like an overcast day

***IF MY HEART WAS A HOUSE*** (Ocean Eyes) the Best love song of the whole discography imo. it goes hard as fuck. i don’t date but for the duration of this song i have a gf/bf/nb-f

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG (Ocean Eyes) one of the best and another one of the best love songs. im especially partial to the winter theme now o course. this super cool thing happens in the middle with amazing lyrics and this volume effect. the instrumental versions of this and if my heart was a house are also killer

ANGELS (All Things Bright And Beautiful) adam young loves jesus a whole lot; this song is about literal christian angels. i love the alliteration of the lines “in the dust on the cellar staircase / a pair of footprints followed me / i saw a flicker in the fake fireplace”. not many owl city songs are from both an upbeat perspective AND have upbeat music, and this one’s chorus really goes for it. adam y.’s pretty excited about jesus stuff i think and so when he channels that in songs especially about jesus, it’s pretty energetic. but for the most part his songs arent overtly christian save maybe some passing references, so if thats a concern dont worry

***GALAXIES*** (ATBAB) for example, this one definitely has a jesus line. but this is just one of the references to an unspecified “he” which means it could also just be interpreted as gay. (owl city belongs to the gays btw) and this really is a song to go ham to and listen to it with stereo speakers because one of my fave parts relies on that. the intro is a bit jarring because the outro of “january 28, 1986” is meant to transition into this one

DEMENTIA (The Midsummer Station) i’d put this as a highlight but recognize its coz its a personal fave. it sounds like it would be incredibly depressing of course but it has nothing to do with actual dementia thank god. it’s a love song and very upbeat in both sound and content. i’m hugely partial to the lyrics, especially the pairs “every light in the night flickered in and out / every bone in my back shivered up and down”; “every voice in my head shouted yes and no / every freight train of thought fought to stop and go”; “every tear in my eyes dripped and wouldn’t drop / every disc in my spine shook and couldn’t stop” and “every hand let me go that i tried to hold / every warm-hearted love left me freezing cold”

KISS ME BABE, IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME (single) he has a bunch of random christmas singles and this ones the best. the titles ridiculous and i love it, and the song isn’t really about anything and i love it. it is such a bop. “peppermint winter” and “humbug” are the other best xmas ones

SHOOTING STAR (Midsummer) half the songs on this album are summery dancey songs about having fun with other people (usually owl city songs are about being lonely or having fun with one other person tops by cloudwatching, so this album is unusual in that regard and rocks out a bit which is also unusual as per owl city’s tendency to sound really dreamy or otherwise fairly light. it bothers people who are in the “the old stuff is better” camp of everything) and the other half are upbeat summery songs that are encouraging and tell you you’re a good and special person. this one is the latter and a lot of fun. i like the lyrics and melody of the lines “fan a flame so hot it melts our hearts” and “let your colors burn and brightly burst / into a million sparks that all disperse / and illuminate a world that’ll try to bring you down” (but not this time)

GOLD (Midsummer) same category song as above (title refers to “i know you’re gold”). it’s great and sung to a person about to go off and do something and you’re telling them they can totally do it because they’re great. i maintain that one of the Owl City Signature Moves is The Affectionate Sigh: he’s very good at working in words sung with a rising/falling tone, a la a sigh, and its an upbeat delivery not like a “im sad” sigh. when it happens in this song is my favorite part of the whole thing, at the end of the line: “you’ll never be far, i’m keeping you near, inside of my heart, you’re he^re”

BEAUTIFUL TIMES (Ultraviolet EP) the songs on ultraviolet all have a super cool sound, kind of mixing the more loud/layered/noisy quality of midsummer station with the more introverted vibe he usually has, and are all kind of about being stressed and sad but looking to something or someone and kind of seeing a chance to feel okay. “this isn’t the end” is completely about a girl who’s dad kills himself but it has the really good line “you fight to survive cuz you made it this far” and otherwise has a technically uplifting end but without much of the “you shouldnt kill yourself because life is magical” bs which is useless and irrelevant imo but instead the “life is chaotic and you cant say the future is going to be good but it exists and meanwhile you’re not dead yet” which is an infinitely more thoughtful approach. but anyways, about beautiful times: its also about being happy but usually being really sad (“this fight of my life is so hard (so hard, so hard) but i’m gonna survive, oh oh these are beautiful times,”) and also isnt very patronizing about the subject (the prospect/aspiration of feeling happy when you’re a Sad Person) and frames everything in having had damagingly negative feelings while still being overall positive. i really like the way he sings into the first few verses with an echo of what will be the first couple of words, overlapping slightly and growing in volume before taking you right into the actual start of the verse. this is the most upbeat sounding song of the EP imo

THUNDERSTRUCK (Mobile Orchestra) the intro alone is killer. one of the most Go Hard to songs of the owl city discography. proudly carries the tradition of singing about ghosts (see: plant life, a fun-to-sing-along-to song all about an actual haunted house)

BACK HOME (Mo Orch) this album has a lot of sounds that, while familiar, are different from any of the other albums, like this one which is very very country. it goes hard as fuck. it uses the word “fireflies” for the first time since fireflies. i love it

CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU (M.O.) personal fave of the album is mostly why this is here. as the title suggests its a dramatic love song, i love how pumped the chorus is and the way the outro sounds. Love To Sing Along

***WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?*** this is peak “happy music, sad lyrics” even though thats everywhere in owl city music, its pretty rare to find songs that are straightforwardly happy. this song is a banger and lyrically crushing. i guess its in the “bittersweet” category like a shit ton of owl city songs are, but still. this song changed our lives

I HOPE YOU THINK OF ME has this sick chill drumbeat throughout the song which is kind of rare. it kind of fuses his underwater type sound with his going hard as hell sound. like, it would be like the choreography of “bet on it” if i was listening to this song while standing up. you get really into the lyrics. i love this part at the end where the music pulls back for just a second while he goes “the thought is KILLING me!” shoutout to “kamikaze” where he yells half of it and its invigorating, shoutout to “paper tigers” which is an amazing song that hasnt shown up on an album

SUNBURN (Ocean Eyes) possibly the cutest owl city song. it has a sweet guitar riff. cute sweet, not sickass sweet.

HOT AIR BALLOON (Ocean Eyes) possibly the happiest owl city song. extremely cute but not as cute as sunburn but happier than sunburn.

BEAUTIFUL MYSTERY killer intro, really upbeat, the melody of the verses is great and the chorus goes pretty hard

RAINBOW VEINS (Maybe I’m Dreaming) another top level cute and happy song (“cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains, and i’ll blend up that rainbow above you, and shoot it through your veins”) and has a top tier chilled out whispery interlude/bridge/whatever that then throws you into this pumped up finale

THE YACHT CLUB (ATBAB) speaking of being thrown into a pumped up finale, this does that too. so does “umbrella beach.” this one goes hardest imo and the live version of it goes even harder than that. plus the lyrics are amazing and the alliteration is stellar

***SUPER HONEYMOON*** (Maybe I’m Dreaming) consistently one of my top tier faves. i like the semi staccato delivery of parts of the lyrics, the music is fantastic, also very Classic Example of owl city

SKY DIVER (MID) super dreamy and pretty and bittersweet sounding, classic

HALCYON a bop!!! electronica on electronica

SLEEPWALKER so fun and sounds like a song to be going to the beach to

YOUTOPIA (ft. Adam Young) obvs not owl city but i’m putting it in, the full 4 min version. not only dreamy and bittersweet but one thing i always love in music is an unresolved musical phrase repeating on end. there’s also this part in the middle where his vocals kind of layer and grow and it has a long E sound and when he lingers on the long E its one of those things that would be grating except for its actually great because of that. see: honey and the bee

MR. HEARTACHE (ft. Adam Young) a total bop about being sad. like i wanna jump around to this song. see: tokyo, the song by adam young (owl city) featuring the artists of this one, SEKAI NO OWARI, which has my fave lyric “are you having fun yet, i’ll send you the sunset, i love the most”

FIREFLIES (Said the Sky remix) the intro to this is like, oh my god. the only fireflies remix the world needs.

UMBRELLA BEACH (Long Lost Sun remix) the original is great but i love this version even more. the finale is fantastic and exuberant

THAT’S IT i could include all the songs because i have good things to say and specific things to point out about each of them. for example: dental care is a masterpiece of puns. puns are a running theme in owl city. so is ghosts, the sky, the ocean, and The Affectionate Sigh. if you listen to enough songs you find repetitions of certain phrases like “oh darling i wish you were here,” “i feel like a postcard, i wish you were here,” “like hundreds of postcards, that say i wish you were here” and someone should make a post of all of them. it would be me if i had a laptop. anyways i like owl city you’re welcome for this post

[airadam]

Episode 125 : The Audacity Of Dope

"In the land of the free, the slaves are still here."

- Jerry Beeks

The grind continues, and as the autumn starts to really draw in, the selection gets you prepared for full hoodie and boot season with some rugged sounds from the old to the new!

A couple of events for you...

The Flyest @ Klondyke Club, Manchester, November 15th - guest starring me on the turntables!

Artifacts ft. DJ Mr.Len @ Joshua Brooks, November 30th

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Royal Flush : Life Is Hard

Royal Flush is known to most for his debut "Ghetto Millionaire" album, but he definitely has had some other solid tracks over the years. While this is on the 2019 release "The Governor", it was first heard on the 2005 "Street Boss" album. The production (don't have credits for this one) is top-notch, with the eerie and dramatic instrumental sounding very noir - a perfect backdrop for Flush's grim Queens thug braggadocio.

[Maxmillion] Panda One : Elaborate (Touch You) (Instrumental)

There's another track on this 2002 12" that has been the favourite for me for a long time, but on a re-visit this month I had to give this beat a little bit of light! The sample it's based around has been used before, but not quite like this - good job by Maxmillion.

Phi Life Cypher : Earth Rulers

One of my favourite rhyme duos with a killer single! DJ Beware put me up on this one back in the day, but I only recently got my own vinyl copy. Si Phili and Life just firehose lyrics right down the DJ Nappa-produced track, in a way any fan of bars has to appreciate. The finishing touches are provided by the dancehall samples, which I think come from recordings of the veteran Earth Ruler sound system - the little one-bar sample that drops in in place of a hook is absolute fire! 

Redlight Boogie ft. DJ Chainsaw : Hands Down

Amsterdam's Redlight Boogie yells, snarls, and spits his way through this cut from the "Dirty Money, Clean Hands" album - abrasive like a sack of Brillo pads. DJ Chainsaw drops in for some cuts at the close, which end up blending over the scratches from... 

Gang Starr : Bad Name

Huge new single which the heavy Hip-Hop listeners will surely have had on repeat the last few weeks! Easily the biggest musical surprise of the last few years has been the news that a new Gang Starr album release is imminent, and that there have been unreleased Guru vocals in the vault all these years. The "Family & Loyalty" single stunned everyone, and this follow-up will keep the buzz going until the LP drops. DJ Premier on production, the late great Guru on the mic - it's what we've been missing.

Bronx Slang : More Grief

It's been great to see Bronx Slang getting momentum up this year off the back of their excellent debut album, and it just so happens that this track that I was planning to play anyway turns out to be their new single! Jerry Beeks gets busy on the mic with the kind of consciousness that a lot of people swear doesn't exist in music these days, while Jadell packs in the funk to complete the soulful stew. Don't sleep!

Jay Dee : Jay Dee #17

Big shout to Iain and Teresa for hooking up a release I needed in my collection - "King of the Beats" by J Dilla! Lots of unreleased beats on this one, as well as a few the hardcore listeners might know. This particular beat bounces along with that characteristic Dilla swing, focusing on the low end for a pleasing groove.

Skyzoo & Pete Rock : Ten Days

If you like Pete Rock beats, you want to get the new "Retropolitan" album - 100% Soul Brother #1, with Brooklyn's Skyzoo helming mic proceedings throughout. This isn't the kind of beat that you automatically associate with Rock, but it just goes to show he can be versatile with it. Skyzoo is on that "get money" talk here, with a hook that conjures up this scene from "Paid In Full". As an aside - I totally forgot that the closing track on this album shares the podcast title, which I've wanted to use with the cover photo for a while!

Black Moon : A Haaa

My goodness, what a wait - sixteen years since the "Total Eclipse" album (2006's "Alter the Chemistry" was dope, but essentially a remix project), but at last Black Moon are back in full effect on "Rise of da Moon"! One of the original Timbs and hoodies crews, this episode wouldn't have been right without them. This tune is short but a banger, with a heavy digital bassline anchoring things while Buckshot showcases the flow and flavour that made him famous. Also check that heavy boom that kicks in between the 1 and 2 beats of each bar!

Black Thought ft. Styles P : Making A Murderer

Devastation from last year's "Streams of Thought, Volume 1" EP. More bars than HMP, more bars than Temple Bar. Black Thought is one of the world's best MCs, who needs no hook and offers no reprieve on his fire first verse. It's a brave man who would get on the mic after him, but Styles P takes the challenge and does himself proud - rising to the occasion. 9th Wonder's instrumental beats you into submission in the best way with the heaviness of the drum track, but it's Thought that holds the murder weapon here.

Children of Zeus : Ghost

CoZ maintained their hot streak of great music with "The Winter Tape", and it's just about the season for those tunes to get a re-airing. Tyler Daly takes sole charge of the vocals for this haunting tale of lost love. 

Vanilla : Sweet Talk

The title track from the last of the soul-inspired beat tape trilogy by this UK producer is a smooth one. Vanilla works a melancholy 70s soul sample, and the drums are suitably subtle so as not to overpower it.

Professor Griff and the Last Asiatic Disciples : The Verdict

This is the first of two tracks from albums that opened up the nineties, just as we start to look towards a new decade. Professor Griff's solo debut album "Pawns in the Game" came during his initial suspension/expulsion, and found him on unfamiliar ground as he was not a rhyme writer by trade. Still, he delivered the rhymes with conviction (no pun intended) on a song that opens with a take on Louis Farrakhan's short play "The Trial", and the rest of the L.A.D come through too. Beat Master Clay D provides the beat, based on a familiar break that never gets old but packed with other samples in a way that is unaffordable in terms of clearance fees these days...

Master Ace : I Got Ta

When the Juice Crew veteran's name was still spelled this way, the year was 1990, haircuts were angular, and Ace was making his solo debut on the highly regarded "Take A Look Around", from which this track is taken! Mister Cee takes a classic James Brown sample and keeps the Godfather's voice in for Master Ace to work around lyrically as he states his intentions.

Joell Ortiz ft. Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, and Styles P : Put Some Money On It

Second straight tune working a vocal sample into the lyrics - this time, from the 2011 "Free Agent" mixtape with The LOX making a great guest appearance. Straight street bars all the way through, and Sean C and LV with the uptempo soul/funk production for a big win.

Sampa The Great ft. Krown : Time's Up

Massive thanks to Agent J for gifting me this LP! From Zambia via Botswana and Australia comes Sampa, whose new LP "The Return" jumps around stylistically but never lets you forget that this is an MC of quality. She and the featured guest Krown take the machinations of the record industry to task on this one and announce that the clock has run out on their BS. Silentjay's beat starts off centred around those stick hits to remind you of a clock, then brings those lows in to drive it forward. Definitely an album worth a listen!

Boogie Down Productions : Duck Down (Instrumental)

Early 90s ruggedness on this 12" release from the "Sex & Violence" LP. KRS and Pal Joey smack the beat into the drum sampler here, and right at the end you hear the sound effect that plays under one of Hip-Hop's best-remembered calls for a rewind!

Edgar Allen Floe : Arrest The President (Cypher God)

We played the original version of this track to open episode 90, almost three years ago, but I only recently learned that there was a remake! Edgar Allen Floe of the Justus League does a solid job with this, covering similar themes as the original and even borrowing some of the rhyme scheme while switching up the words themselves. The dope beat is pretty much the exact same as the Marley Marl-produced original, bringing that hectic 80s urgency and just begging to be cut up every time. Check out more of Floe's work on the rest of the album, "The Streetwise LP".

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

  Check out this episode!