#harry potter's a little shit

[your-neighbourhood-antisocial]

Harry *harms someone*

Tom : *pupils dilate so much they almost swallow his iris*

Tom, later : Dear diary, I js discovered a new level of horny today

[whore-of-hogwarts06]

AU where Dad James Potter has a crush on baker Regulus Black:

James and five-year-old Harry: *enter bakery*

James, to Harry: Go on, buddy, tell the nice baker what you want.

Harry: *shyly walks up to Regulus*

Regulus: What can I get you, cupcake?

Harry: *giggles* I’m not a cupcake!

Regulus, with a wide grin: Oh! I’m so sorry, you’re so sweet, I mistook you for one!

Harry, pointing to James: My dad thinks you’re sweet, too!

*James and Regulus freeze and just stare at each other*

Harry, continuing his yapping: He talks about you all the time. He thinks you’re really pretty and that you have a nice a-

James: *grabs a random cupcake and slaps a 50 on the table before grabbing Harry and fleeing the bakery*

[shadowjinx2906]

James: *sighs a madly in love sigh* He speaks with a voice as sweet as honey 😍

…

Regulus: The fuck you looking at, Four Eyes?

[starving-marauder-lover]

Barty: WHO ATE MY FRIES

Barty: I'M GOING TO FUCKING KI-

Evan: I did

Barty: Kiss you and buy you more, you haven't been eating as much Rosie.

Regulus: You fucking simp.

I love finding ideas on Pinterest

[stareggie]

regulus: i won the idgaf wars.

james: u walked all the way to my house because i wouldn’t answer ur text because i was in the shower.

regulus: do not spread misinformation. i apparated.

[antsrust]

Hockey Player!James x Figure Skater!Regulus

These took me so long but I absolutely love how they turned out. I have a whole fic about them planned out in my head but I cannot be bothered to actually write it lol

[ultravioletbrit]

“new” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 234 words

 

Regulus is making tea in the kitchen in the flat he shares with Sirius when James walks in and casually leans against the counter.  

“You want some?” Regulus asks him.

“Sure… So, I was thinking---” James starts.

“That’s new for you.” Regulus smiles at him.

“Ha ha. I was thinking maybe you and I could hang out this weekend.” James says.

“We hang out all the time.” Regulus states simply as he moves to the cabinets to get some mugs down.

“Right… yeah… but I was thinking maybe we could hang out alone… together… you and me… together, alone… hanging out… together.” James rambles.

Regulus pauses as he’s trying to reach the mugs on the top shelf, he swears Sirius puts them just out of Regulus’ reach on purpose. He slowly turns around to see James against the counter, not so casually anymore with his eyes squeezed shut.

“Are you asking me out, Potter?” Regulus says with a smirk.

“I’m trying really hard.” James replies with his eyes still closed.

Regulus walks over to him and gives him a small chaste kiss on the cheek.

“I’d love to hang out alone, together with you.” Regulus says nonchalantly, quickly turning back to the tea so James doesn’t see his blush or his smile. He can tell James is smiling also without even looking at him.

“Stop smiling like an idiot and get the damn mugs down.”

[a-great-tragedy]

I love the Jegulus dynamic in muggle aus because though their magic is gone, Regulus’s inability to have a normal conversation with anyone isn’t.

Like, James will try to flirt with him at a party and Regulus will say something like “alright, well um I’m gonna go talk to my friends now.. bye?” And walk away as fast as he can.

[hearts4dorlene]

Remus: Hey fellas, good night?

Peter *grumbles*: Not as good as yours apparently

Remus: What-?

Peter: Yours and Sirius' Muffliato charm broke

Remus: Oh shit did you guys hear?

*Enter James*

James: Oh god your faces, what have I missed Wormy?

Peter: Did you not hear them both last night James? Were you out or something? They were going at it-

Peter:

Peter: Why are you wearing a Slytherin tie James?

*Enter Sirius*

Sirius: Just been to get some breakfast and saw my little brother wearing a Gryffindor tie?

Remus: James?

James: Funny story lads, so you see-

[alenablack]

I really really love the idea of Tom Riddle being raised religious (because of course he was, stuck in an english orphanage during a war, probably fed bible phrases in the place of a full belly) and the studious little shit that he is, he probably memorized the entirety of the King James edition of the bible. Probably slipped the more vicious pieces of the old testament into his monologues and speeches, swayed his followers with muggle blasphemy; a slight to both muggles and wizards alike.

[old-angryslytherin]

Tom, exasperated: you must stop

harry: what are you talking about? im not doing anything

Tom: your Occlumency shields are still not strong enough to keep me out

harry: ...

Tom: we're in public, and you're making that extremely difficult

[your-neighbourhood-antisocial]

Tom : I'm bi

Abraxas : bi what? Bilingual? Bisexual? Bi-

Harry : *appears out of seemingly nowhere* I know what, he's a bitch!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Some random student: So, are you going to ask a girl to Hogsmeade?

Sirius, deeply offended: You think I’m straight???

[regglilbean]

ill be picking him up gently between my hands and never letting him go 🤲

[addsalwayssick]

James: next time someone says smth mean to me i’m going to go to their room in the middle of the night and be like “mummy i threw up 🙁”

Regulus: You’re an ugly rat

James:

Regulus: are you coming now

[stareggie]

regulus: who hurt you?

james: do you want a list?

regulus: actually, yes.