#hardest thing I've ever had to learn in life

[fenniefrost]

I think one of the hardest things in my life is having so much love and respect to others to the best of my ability. And knowing, through painstaking hardship and abuse, that for certain people, no amount of love, care, understanding, or respect towards them will ever make them treat you the same in return. No amount of love or attempts at understanding will be enough for certain people to heal, grow, or change their ways.

There are some people who exist, that no matter how much you give them unconditional love and respect, will still believe they should have the right to hurt you or take your rights away. And honestly, I will never understand. Their attempts to turn me into someone hateful/fearful like them never broke me, and I still believe in the hope that love exists. The only thing that changed was that I love myself enough now to not tolerate them hurting me anymore. And I hope anyone else with a kind heart also finds peace knowing you weren't the problem. You tried your best. And you deserve to be treated with kindness too.

[giantkillerjack]

@avinlander

Hello! I've got C-PTSD and I've done a Loooot of acronyms of treatment (CBT, DBT, IOP, EMDR, exposure therapy, etc.), and I agree with the above statement.

My biggest pieces of advice are:

1. As much as you can, before starting trauma treatment, ensure you are in a stable place in other parts of your life.

Often when trauma is directly processed, the stress of doing that can make your mental health more fragile for a time.

(A lot of people are not in a place where they can afford to take this time and space. Which is one of the reasons labor rights are a major mental health issue. It's NOT YOUR FAULT if you are in this position.)

Remember that if you are currently undergoing trauma, treatments like EMDR and exposure therapy (which is basically EMDR but without the back and forth brain stimulus stuff) are risky because they are destabilizing agents, and thus can do more harm than good if you are already on shaky ground.

Now, recognizing you are currently being traumatized is not always possible (trauma naturally seeks to hide itself), but to give an example from my own life:

This past year, my partner was dangerously close to death for months (she's safe now thank fuck), but since no one was abusing me and I've had years of therapy to help me recognize these feelings, I was able to recognize that, even though I had JUST FOUND an EMDR specialist, it was a bad time for me to start actively digging into past trauma because I was currently incurring more trauma.

Instead, I opted for talk therapy that helped me get through all that on a day-to-day level. Even now, as my partner slowly recovers, my life is not stable enough to do something like exposure therapy or EMDR again anytime soon.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,

2. No matter what PTSD treatment you seek out, this work will exhaust you.

I mean, PHYSICALLY exhaust you.

I am so fucking serious about this:

In 2019, I attended an Intensive Outpatient Program that involved group trauma processing.

It was an emergency 4-6 week program for suicidal adults.

I was there for 21 weeks.

As it turned out, this was what I needed to finally stabilize after years of spiraling. But it was... an intense 5 months.

In fact, I was there for so long that after a time, the counselors declared I was in charge of welcoming newcomers because I had gotten really good at giving advice to new people.

And the thing I said every single time to every single person was basically:

This will exhaust you. Be gentle.

I would say that if you are anything like me and basically everyone I know with PTSD, you will leave here and think, "all I did today was sit and talk and maybe draw a little - why the fuck am I so tired!?"

If you are like me, then tomorrow, you will wake up, and you will think, "Fuck! Why aren't i getting more done? What is WRONG with me?!" And you will push yourself as hard as you can to get everything you planned on done.

And I tell you now, that any kind of trauma processing will actually physically drain your body of energy.

And because of the nature of trauma and capitalism, you likely won't be praised by many people for the extremely hard and extremely scary (brave) work you are doing. And since, during this time, you will also almost certainly be struggling to do anything considered "productive" by the powers that be, then the shame of this exhaustion - or the sheer denial of it - becomes treacherous.

So please know that this is brave work.

Whatever brings you genuine healing is good and important and you are worth it. And every time you try - whether or not you find the solution that time - that is an act of bravery.

If no one else acknowledges that for you in the way you deserve, then let me acknowledge that here:

This is the work of the giant killers.

This is deep magic.

I'm using flowery language but I'm right.

Here be dragons, adventurer. Some for slaying, some for study. And some for finding where they have been left lying long-forgotten, waiting to finally be held by gentle hands, despite everything. And you are the only one who can do it.

You don't deserve this pain, but you do deserve to be seen in the sunlight. I can't lessen the pain. But I can say there is something terribly heroic about you. And that I see you. Sunlight looks good on you.

I salute you and I desire nothing more than to see us both (and also Mr. Wheaton and anyone who reads this and--gods I do go on don't I?) alive and at peace.

I beg you to screw up every scrap of gentleness towards yourself that you can find. Healing is the opposite of an act of brute force. You deserve your gentleness more than anyone else in the world.

Your exhaustion is not weakness; it is a physical reaction to an impossibly exhausting task. This is going to take some remembering.

Try to take time off work if you can. If you can't, try to at least take the days off after sessions until you know how it affects you. (Ex. I was NOT safe to drive or travel after my first times doing new types of trauma therapy for like 24 hours after. I was so so dissociated. I felt like I had the flu. It also didn't help that my response to my exhaustion was to shame myself and push harder. I learned the hard way. That's why I started always saying this stuff to newbies at the program.)

The exhaustion is not just in your mind and heart but in your muscles and joints, and if you try to respond to that with harshness, you'll make it worse. You need extra rest!

Best of luck and softest of hearts,

- Jack

So I was just formally diagnosed with PTSD (I have depression and anxiety and suspected PTSD for some time) and my therapist has suggested EMDR therapy. I still don’t understand much about it and I was wondering if you have tried it? Or any of your followers have?

I've been doing EMDR for a couple months. Everyone's experience is different, but my experience has been remarkable. It isn't a magic potion that takes it all away, but little by little, I'm working through the roots of my pain, sadness, and trauma, and it's working.

I want to stress that it's not magic, okay? But it's been a positive part of my experience and is currently a significant part of my healing.

Also, as a fellow member of the PTSD club, I'm so sorry. I see you.

[onlycosmere]

Brandon Sanderson on the length of Wind and Truth

PumkinFunk:  I appreciate Brandon being self-aware about the fact that he will struggle immensely to keep the word counts down for this series.

KiwiKajitsu: If only he had a better editor

PumkinFunk:  I know this has become a common criticism since Rhythm of War after Moshe Feder retired, but I don't think it's true. One of his editors for his books is Devi Pillai, the head of Tor Publishing Group. The Secret Projects were edited in-house and generally were good. He has a lot of people giving him feedback, both in-house and outside.

jmcgit:  If Brandon wanted to work on revisions for an extra 6 months to refine and streamline the book, he could do it. This is a Brandon thing, not an editor thing. What was Brandon working on up until the last minute before he had to turn the book in? He was working on making the book bigger, squeezing in more content that he wanted to add. Brandon will tell anyone who asks that he likes to write, and dislikes revising.

When an author gets big enough, the publishers and editors lose their ability to rein in the author or make certain demands. Brandon will do what he wants, and if Tor doesn't like it, they can cancel his contract and Brandon can self-publish.

Brandon Sanderson: I realize it's difficult to see behind the veil of publishing, and much is opaque, but this isn't what I was doing during the last few months--I was cutting the book significantly. However, rough draft didn't include Interludes or Epigraphs, which is why it got longer after I cut it down. This draft lost over 60k words, but then I added in the interludes and epigraphs (along with a few key scenes I decided were needed.)

So, let's be clear about a few things. No editor has ever--in my life--cut my books down. It's not what they do. They largely haven't suggested it. Every editor, Moshe included, has always suggested things to change or add--they don't do much trimming. That's all my job, and always has been. Yes, there is a line edit, which does help trim--but I haven't stopped taking those suggestions, and usually go much, much further on a page-by-page case than they suggest.

I dislike revision, which is important for me to explain because I want people to understand that even for someone who loves their job, there are parts I don't like. But I DO it. I do A LOT of it. It's the part I have to force myself to do, but I am very good at it--and if you follow my stories about learning revision, you'll find that I very clearly explain that I didn't get published until I mastered the thing that was hardest for me. I consider my it, perhaps, my greatest strength as a writer--my ability to look at feed back and apply it to improve books.

If they get long, it's not because I've lost an editor. Moshe's strong suit was always diction, not trimming--and Gillian (who does that job now) is quite accomplished at both. She's Joe Abercrombie's editor.

I realize it's odd, because "to edit" means to trim, but an editor doesn't usually trim books--they offer suggestions for changes on the larger scope, and sometimes do a line edit pass to clarify.

Stormlight books are not big because I can't stop writing. You can pick any number of my shorter novels and see I'm quite capable of doing something at a normal book length. Stormlight books are big because that's the art I want to make--and they are not, and never have been, out of control. I am perfectly willing to accept that the story I want to tell has not appealed to some in the last installments! But don't blame my editors. This is an artistic choice of mine, and their job has never been to change the art. I get the same amount of editing now as I ever have--and I take largely the same amount of their feedback.

Note: don't take this as a direct condemnation of you or some of the things /u/KiwiKajitsu said above. It's more that I want to be very clear about my goals, and the process. My stance is one of explaining, not arguing against your opinions, as those are valid and perfectly reasonable ones to hold.

I realize that a long comment reply isn't the best way to prove I can be brief, but I sincerely think the trope of "He got big so he lost the ability to be edited" is not one that I fall into--I am, if anything, the most edited person at the industry, and see more criticism and feedback of my books prepublication than any other author. Editors and beta readers collectively wrote some 800k words of feedback for me over the last two years, which I incorporate. Not just the, "Add this" but also the "this sequence feels slow or unengaging." I am extremely passionate about listening to, and incorporating, editorial feedback.

It's fine to not like what I do. But don't blindly make the argument that I write it, kick it out the door, and don't pay attention to the revision process while ignoring editors.

jmcgit: Hey Brandon, I appreciate the insight! I regret that my post may have come off as if you carelessly "write and kick it out the door", as I know how hard you and your team have been working on the book over the past months and years, and how passionate you are about getting it right.

Brandon Sanderson: No problem and no offense taken! I just see a lot of confusion about these things.

I am edited far, far more now than when I was when I started and nobody cared. Though, admittedly, I think the most editorial scrutiny I ever got was on A Memory of Light a decade ago. I probably get less now, but I also have way more extensive beta reads.

It's just a complex process. And, you also ARE right in your initial post that I could go over it again and again, and some authors do. I'm middle of the road on the number of revisions I do, by my experience. Not as many as someone like Pat R. does. More than a lot of authors. I do not subscribe to the Heinline philosophy of only editing when required by contract that is very popular these days. (This philosophy believes that your initial artistic instinct will be right, and you shouldn't undermine it later on. I am not a fan, even if some people I respect follow this philosophy.)

Anyway, your initial post wasn't far off; I just wanted to offer some more context for this thread.

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam!

I recently purchased a second hand bread machine, and I know you like to bake! (I got King Authur's Flour per your recommendation.) I was wondering if you have any recipes or tips and tricks for bread making? I don't have an oven in my apartment so sadly that's not an option for me 😔

Without an oven, a bread machine is a great acquisition! You can often also make rice, oatmeal, and sometimes even yogurt in a bread machine, depending on the model. If the machine didn't come with a manual, try googling for it, or googling the model name and "recipes" to see what else people have done with theirs. It's great you bought KA flour, because materials really do make the difference -- good flour and yeast are key. Freshness can matter with yeast so buy something with a long expiration date, and keep the yeast somewhere cool, dry, and dark.

For bread making, there are two main things I always think about: you are nurturing yeast, which is a living thing, and you're forming gluten (presumably, if you're not cooking gluten-free). The yeast wants to have food and be warm, so you want to use pretty warm water (most machine recipes say something very specific like 115-125F or similar, but it should be warmer than your skin and not so hot it hurts your skin, that's how I measure it). Sugar helps feed yeast, so often there will be sugar or honey in a recipe even if it's not a "sweet" bread. If you're using older yeast, adding a bit more sugar can help it work. Meanwhile, protein helps support gluten formation, so milk or milk powder are common ingredients often listed as optional but which are very helpful. If you have a stove, you can even make milk bread, which is one of the best, fluffiest kinds -- google "hokkaido milk bread" for recipes. Nearly any bread recipe that doesn't have a super long rise or need to be shaped can be made in a bread machine, but often (especially on the King Arthur site) a recipe will include special tips for adjusting it for a machine.

Specifically for bread machines, the bread can stay warm in the pan for a bit, but the longer it cools in the pan the more likely it is to form condensation, which leads to moisture on the surface of the crust in contact with the metal. That dries out pretty quickly if you leave it out for a bit, but moisture reduces the shelf life of homemade bread a LOT (moisture feeds mold). Your best bet is to remove the bread as soon as it's cool enough to handle -- it used to be the hardest part of making machine bread was getting it out of the damn pan, but they may have gotten better since I had one -- and wrap it in a tea towel or leave it out to cool completely before putting it in a package of some kind. I used to keep mine in the fridge because without preservatives it can mold quickly. These days most breads I bake included a few spoonfuls of King Arthur Bread and Cake Enhancer, which is a mild preservative and worth every penny -- it makes the bread softer, with better crumb, and it stays good for longer. There are other brands you can get cheaper on amazon, probably, but I've only ever used KA so I can't speak to their efficacy. It's generally not sold in stores.

Okay, two last things: one, I always put the bread machine on the floor when I was making bread in it, because it rocks back and forth a bit when kneading and I have had machines "walk" off the counter before. The floor or a wide table are best. Two, bread is difficult and even a machine for making it isn't perfect, so you may fail when you first start out. Even if you don't fail the first time, you may not get a good loaf at some point, and that's the nature of yeasted breads. Don't take it personally -- and don't give up! After a while, you start to notice if something seems "off" but it takes time to learn that sense.

Happy baking! I hope it goes well for you.

[nectardaddy]

oh captain, my captain | single dad! meian x teacher f! reader notes: yes the math is mine :), this is the cutest thing I've written in my life, trying out drabbles more bear with me, everyone thank @nekozaki for hyping me up <33

The woman took a long, deep breath as she sat back against the chair she occupied. It was almost six-thirty, close to dinner, and papers and pencils scattered the table in front of her. She knew she had to clean it up soon, but felt the motivation slowly drift from her body at the very thought of it.

“You look tired.” The low voice that sounded next to her pulled her from her thoughts, or lack thereof, and her eyes flickered over. She was met with a familiar face and dark green eyes, a tall man that seemingly towered over her as she stayed seated. But she gave him a soft smile regardless of the difference. He dressed comfortably, sweatpants and an MSBY t-shirt, juxtaposing her own semi-professional attire from work - which he offered her clothes time and time again.

“I am tired.” She groaned and let her eyes drag down him as he took a seat next to her; watched as his eyes flicked to his daughter - who now sat on the couch in the far corner of the room, crayons and paper in hand - and back to her. She felt her breath hitch in her throat a moment when his eyes locked with her own, an intensity in them she believed she would never get used to.

“You didn’t have to help her tonight, y’know?” Asked rhetorically through a small smile. It wasn’t out of the norm for her to help the man's daughter when she was over, frankly, it was out of character if she didn't. A hushed relationship between the two, oftentimes coming and going from each other's homes, that always involved the rowdiness that the smallest Meian - whom she adored - always gave. “You do that enough during the day, take a break.”

“Well, she asked,” spoken nonchalantly with a shrug. “Who am I to tell a girl who wants to learn no?” The woman returned the smile, yet let out a breathy laugh upon thinking of the man trying to help the girl himself. Second grade math, although incredibly easy to an adult, was the hardest thing ever to a small child. It was even harder to explain a concept one knew for years, memorized through mental math and countless practice, to a seven year old that had no clue where to start. “Besides, when was the last time you did division like this, anyway?”

He scoffed while he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest with a small breath. “I know how to divide, thanks.” His tone was riddled with sarcasm, but a smile still fought its way on his lips. A cheeky undertone that made a silly smile appear on her features. The man had a way with his words that made her stomach so flips; she would never get used to that either.

“Long divide, too? When’s the last time you did that?”

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t think I know how to long divide?”

She chuckled at his reaction and watched as the smallest of pouts formed on his lips at her laughter. But his lack of a straight answer was an answer in itself. “I know you don’t.”

A breath of air passed through her nose as she heard a dramatic sigh leave him. “Ye of little faith,” he groaned. “Give me the paper.” He sat up a little straighter in his chair, a little more defensive as he motioned for her to slide the paper her and his daughter had been working on earlier - the man's folly was never being able to decline a challenge, no matter how small.

With a chuckle, she compiled and passed him the paper - littered with scrawled handwriting and her own in pen. “Give it a shot, babe.” She let a laugh bubble out as she gave him a pen, “I'll even let you use my good pen.” To which he shot her a dry look, and it only made her laugh more. “You still haven’t answered my question though. When’s the last time you did long division?”

His eyes cast downward, looking at the paper before narrowing his eyes - she could tell he had no idea what he was looking at. But if it was one thing Meian Shūgo was not, it was a quitter. “Can you ever forget how?” A subtle sentiment to try and cover up his own lack of remembrance as he rewrote a problem.

“If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

He lifted his eyes to look over at her and paused, an exasperated expression on his face with his brows scrunched. “I can’t believe you just used a teacher quote on me.”

She stifled another laugh before shifting her chair closer to him. It was closeness that felt right with her, an ease to it that felt natural - like home. So she didn't mind when her arm brushed his own as she looked down at the paper, and didn't mind the warmth he gave off despite a cool house. “And I can’t believe you put the numbers in the wrong place.” A quick retort laced with sass, “can a big number go into a small number?”

He rolled his eyes once again, but felt a smile creep up to him at her reply. This was a usual back and forth they found themselves in, no matter the topic or time of day, countering each other with insincere jabs. Always competing for who exactly was better at their retorts - he would never admit it, but he knew she always won by a landslide. “Don’t be a smartass.”

His words landed a little too loud, and she watched his eyes widen just before he turned to the couch where his daughter, Himawari, sat. Coloring to her heart's content, but always listening whether the pair at the table were aware or not. “Don’t repeat that.” The girl didn't look up from her drawing but giggled in response before a small ‘ok’ followed.

The snort that came from the woman beside him made him turn his attention back. But his gaze lingered, settled on the woman beside him as all he could do was stare for a moment - to appreciate. Her fingers fiddled with the edge of the paper in front of him, and she looked at him softly. There was a care within her eyes, mingled with playfulness, that made his heart warm, and he smiled when he finally chose to look back down at the paper.

“If you don’t remember how, it’s fine, y’know?” She tossed the cheeky sentiment in the air with a hum followed by a chuckle, pushing him further into wanting to do it (and hopefully do it right as a cherry on top.)

He let out a breathy laugh as he continued to work on the problem. “I know how to long divide.” A faux confidence dripped with every word, and he hoped it would be enough to convince her - it was not.

“Ok,” she shrugged with a smile. There was something toyish about the way she spoke, like he didn't believe him; hell, he didn't even believe himself as the number in front of him seemed to blur together. “Is that why you're short dividing then? Because you're so good at long division?”

He couldn't help the laugh that left his lips, and couldn't help but put the pencil down and silently admit he had been bested by second grade math as he did. “God,” spoken through a laugh as he flicked his eyes over to her. “What the hell is short division? Am I that bad at this?”

There was a moment of pause, where his laughter settled as they both looked at one another. Her eyes flicked between his own, searching for a sense of insincerity in his words, and she covered her mouth with a hand to stifle the loud laugh that wanted to leave upon realizing he was serious. “Oh my god-”

He found himself laughing with her, despite the fact she was laughing at him, and felt content with the feeling regardless. There was something mundane about laughing together, but it was a simple enough action that made his heart feel like putty - putty that was in her hands, and he knew for a fact it would forever stay that way.

“The answer is twelve, by the way,” she spoke through giggles.

“Thanks, I thought it was ten.”

taglist (open, send as ask)

@causenessus @softpia @renardiererin @kodzu-ken @phoenix-eclipses

@wyrcan @honeekyuu @wakashudou @wolffmaiden @eggyrocks 

@yogurtkags @bakery-anon @totallytatum @mollyrolls @aozui 

@jadeoru @hyunteru @kameyyy @nekozaki @sandwhitches 

[fresne999]

Half way through the journey of our analyses

I feel like roughly half of the analysis I'm reading about OFMD S2 is folks who clearly fixated on a character (it's Izzy, it's always Izzy that inspires this kind of analysis) write analyses that cause the 2nd response of, "Um��did you ever study literary analysis in school."

Now I come at this from a slightly odd place in that I did study literary analysis in school (30+ years ago) where I learned it's possible to interpret anything about any way, because we're all bringing different lenses to the analysis. Which isn't to say that an author can't have an intended interpretation. 

Dante in Canto V of Inferno (Divine Comedy) would still like folks to understand fixating on the two damned-lovers and ignoring the details that the artist is putting in there for you to catch about how they are damned because they won't change the toxic patterns that got them there in the first place. Also, they can't because they are in hell, and hell is like that. That Dante-the-writer had Dante-the-character swoon over those same two damned-lovers (because Dante-the-character is on a journey of moral correction) is hilarious, but doesn't make it any less the point of that section of the work, but I digress.

As a career, I am very aware that folks love to misinterpret what is meant to be very clear instructions. Of course, I'm writing policies and procedures, which is a bit different from writing fiction, and is worlds away from creating a t.v. show. But that's the life experience that I always bring to literary analysis. Frequently, people choose their interpretations to fit what they want to see, and that's part of being human.

I've seen a fair number of folks interpret Izzy's redemption arc in S2 as one of a queer man struggling with disabilities and mental health issues whose struggle is made meaningless by his demise. Which sure, you could interpret it that way and in that it's coming from I'm sure an emotional place, I get it. And hmmm… I might give this interpretation more credence  if I hadn't read a lot of Izzy analysis for S1 that was wildly different than the text.

So let's take a step back. 

First, know the rules of the literary universe: OFMD is a show where the reality is not ours. It is either the Core Universe or something very close to it. BTW: If you've never heard of Core Universe or read the seminal BtVS+HtLJ "When Hellmouth's Collide" (https://www.ltljverse.com/index2.htm), a Core Universe is one where everything lines up. Row boats are magic, and where there is a Badminton, he will accidentally stab/shoot himself. 

Terminology more befitting of that fancy literature degree might be to say that OFMD functions along the logic of Magical Realism. Characters will appear briefly for the purposes of the story and then disappear not to be mentioned again (Nana, Calico Jack, Mary Read & Anne Bonny). Things align because they are meant to align. It is a universe where the Gravy Basket is a real place, and meant to be taken seriously.  It's also a universe where a man may become a seagull, because he loves the sea. You change for love, but the ways you change may be positive or toxic. 

They can result in a bird that never gets to know rest. Always flying over the sea. Or they lead to becoming a bird, who can float in the sea or land on a unicorn's leg. 

Transformation. 

Anyway, S1 - Stede commissioned a ship with secret passageways. It did not have a buxom mermaid on the prow, nor something more befitting a ship named the Revenge. He commissioned a unicorn prow and went off to become a pirate. 

A not particularly violent pirate. But a pirate who didn't have a problem with the violence of piracy. See Stede telling Lucius (hardest working man on the ship in S1) to take notes during a violent raid where the show's logo was literally carved into the chest of a dead man. 

BTW: The tone about violence is darker in S2, but the violence was there in S1. It was just presented in a more whimsical way. The nose jar was full of noses in S1. We heard about Blackbeard's violence. A man was skinned alive off screen, but we focused on the Prussian (but also sort of French) party. 

What Izzy needed to be redeemed from was established in S1. The problem is that folks who interpreted Izzy as a) the central focus of the show and b) a put upon manager just trying to do right by his crew (or as one Tumblerina referred to him as the man/father of the family going out to hunt - excuse me while I vomit - and support his family as men must do), are not going to understand what Izzy's S2 arc was all about. 

Ed and Stede are the main characters in a romantic story. There are other characters with their own arcs, but they are the main characters.

In S1, Stede created a safe space where characters had a chance to breathe for the first time. Possibly ever, and as a result revisited parts of themselves they'd lost. Wee John got back in touch with his roots as the son of a seamstress. Frenchie got back to what he loves, scamming the rich. The Swede sang like a siren of the sea, because it doesn't always have to be scary. 

Ed had his first good time in years. After expressing suicidal ideation to Izzy because of his terminal boredom in S1.E4 - Discomfort in a Married state, Ed found himself some balance. Some sweet marmalade. 

Ed and Izzy were in a toxic relationship that only reinforced their toxic behavior. And yes, I'm going to overuse the word toxic. While piracy is a place where you can go be yourself and shag whoever you want (whatever happens at sea stays at sea), it's not a place where you can be soft. Gentle. Emotionally open. Available. 

Ed's only path out that he could see at the time was to plan to skin the face of the man who built a ridonculous boat with a unicorn on the prow and wear it for the rest of his life. A plan to send Stede to Doggy Heaven. 

BTW: This is why Izzy uses the line in S2.E3 - the Innkeeper, that they put Ed down like a mad dog, so that Stede could reply that they sent Ed to Doggy Heaven. Reiterating this concept of piracy as violence, as taking away faces / identity / lives, but also losing one's own. Forgetting even what day of the year it is. Also revealing that Stede knew about Ed & Izzy's plan to murder him, send Stede to doggy heaven, and had moved on. 

This is also why the respite in S2.E4 - Fun and Games is so critical. Mary Read/Anne Bonney are portrayed as direct parallels to Stede/Ed. They are selling what are, no doubt, the spoils of their piracy. But they've chosen a remote location with no community, but each other and a life where they are not actually communicating. Which on its surface is where Ed and Stede end up, and yet…the Revenge can sail back. They are on the shore facing the sea, not in a jungle lost from a clear view. I'll quote the relevant Dante in just a bit, never fear.

Ed and Stede's new inn has the potential for a solid foundation, because the unicorn has been planted firmly in the ground, and if we get an S3, I firmly expect the unicorn leg to have transformed into a tree, because I've read a lot of medieval literature and that's how that sort of thing works. 

Well, it could be a penis tree (this was a thing in medieval marginalia), but somehow I don't think it will be. 

 But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Back in S1, the plan to murder Stede and take his identity broke down despite Izzy trying to perform an intervention to get Ed back into the toxic soup, and ended with Ed curled up in a bathtub and opening up about murdering his father. An image the show chose to flash on the screen multiple times in S2 just in case folks forgot that this was a traumatizing event for Ed, and was itself the culmination of years of traumatic abuse at his father's hands. 

Just as Stede kept flashing back to the moment his father tells him what it is to be a man, and kills an animal, the blood splashing on Stede's wee little face. 

That this is the point of the show. Transforming past trauma. It's there. You always carry the scars. Sometimes, you decide to tattoo yourself with the image of the thing you fear, and then the thing you fear is always there, but you've got to keep moving forward. To stay in one place, to stay trapped in the same emotion/action, is hell. I've read a lot of lit crit of Dante's Inferno. Trust me, it's the same thing.

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of S1E6 - Here Dragons Be, because it's where the pustule of his relationship with Ed breaks. His attempted intervention fails to get Ed to kill Stede, so Izzy tries to kill Stede. Not realizing that a) Stede is a main character and b) this is a Core Universe show. Where it's possible to win a duel by being stabbed in the left side of your gut and stay there for many hours and not die. So he loses the 1 thing that defines him, his job. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of s1E8 - We Gull Way Back, where he enlists Calico Jack to lure Ed off the boat (with all the toxic masculinity that entailed) so that the British could show up and shoot the head off the unicorn, and kill Stede. So Izzy can crawl back into his old patterns / job / life. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the big drama confrontation in S1E10 - Wherever You Go There You Are, when as a person whose entire identity is tied up in being Blackbeard's First Mate and after realizing that he couldn't cut it as a captain on his own, he does whatever the f- he can to get Ed back into the toxic soup so he can get his old role/job back.  

This isn't to say that Ed's off the deep end actions in S2.E1&2 aren't his own choices. He is a main character. His emotional arc is one of the driving forces of the show. But they are the choices of a man who wants to die. After a lifetime of violent action that had been increasingly drowning him, he wants to die in the violence of battle, but the enemy are never good enough. He wants Izzy to kill him, but Izzy won't. Until he does…sort of. He wants to die in a storm. He's carving notches on his wall hoping to lure Ned Low to him so that he can die in pain. But Ed is the devil and does not die.

Except Ed's not the devil. He doesn't have a head made of smoke. He's a man. Not a fisherman. Not a fisher of men, and what an interesting attempt to go Christ himself off into the wilderness only to be fired for not being that good at it, and then receive his letter from the deep. 

Because in a show full of magical realism, the bottles with messages will reach the intended recipient eventually.

"In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood for the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard a thing it is to say what that wood was. So savage and harsh and strong, that the thought of it renews my fear. It is so bitter that death is little more so. But to speak of the good that I found there, I will tell of the other things I saw…and like one with laboring breath comes forth from the deep onto the shore, who turns back to the perilous water and stares, so my spirit still fleeing turned to gaze upon the pass that has never left anyone alive." Dante, Canto 1, Inferno. 

Instead of dying, Ed goes not to Purgatory (sorry I'd quote the opening lines, but Inferno actually works better here), but to the Gravy Basket, where he confronts the spirit of Hornigold. Dead spirit. Aspect of Ed's self. Both. Neither. Hated. Self. Unkillable. 

Is saved by a goldfish incarnation of Stede. 

But just as the imaginary as Stede's vision of what / who he thinks he needs to be for Ed, this is not true. Life being what it is, Ed and Stede rush when they need to go slow. They break apart because they are saying words, but the other person is hearing based on their own interpretation. 

BTW: The clue Dante-the-writer gives the reader in Canto V of Inferno is how one of the damned lovers, Francesca, explains how she hooked up with her brother-in-law, Paulo. She describes reading an Arthurian romance. She and Paulo kissed when Gwenevere and Lancelot kissed in the story. Except the version they are reading (and Dante tells the reader which version this is) was intended as a cautionary tale. Also, Paulo and Francesca were real people who were murdered by Francesca's husband when he caught them together. So there is that too.

I always like it in fiction when characters misinterpret each other because they hear based on their life experiences and don't hear the things that are said/unsaid based on the life experiences of the other person speaking. That's good writing. It's also how we end up with wildly varying interpretations of works of fiction.

But I digress.

Izzy's S2 arc is that he must let go of his relationship with Ed and turn to others. He must learn to let go of toxic masculinity and let in softness. Not weakness. Water is not weak, but it is soft. Calypso, goddess of the sea, is not weak. Her birthday is whatever day you need it to be. She is vast and deep and soft and relentless. 

In Ro-sham-bo, it's a shame that there is not a gesture for water. Because it is not paper that defeats stone, but water that wears away the stone. Of course, scissors wouldn't do much to water either, so that would sort of break Ro-sham-bo, so I suppose it must stay as it is.

It is through a craft's project that the crew of the Revenge find healing. Turn Izzy into the unicorn. A unicorn that Izzy's own actions caused to be decapitated with a British cannon ball in S1. That Izzy rendered legless (drunk). But the Revenge is a boat. They just need to swim/sail. It is through a craft's project that Izzy is able to offer healing to Lucius, who in turn is then able to turn their art away from fixating on Ed, and the trauma that he's been through and back towards love, and Black Pete. 

But it's not possible to see Izzy's S2 arc, if you didn't interpret S1 Izzy as needing to go through his own gravy basket. 

That Izzy dies because his transformation is necessary. He can't leave Ed, and if he doesn't leave Ed, then Ed can't stop being Blackbeard. The kracken. He literally tells Ed this as he chooses to transform. To free the world of Blackbeard, so Ed can be Ed. Yet, I've read so many posts by folks saying, "But why did he have to die?" Which sure, you can choose not believe what the character says while dying.

Which is a narrative privilege. To get a good dying speech. "There he is" get to be transmutted from an attack to an actual seeing. The larger than life concept of a smoke headed pirate can waft away.

Stories are hard to kill. They live on long past us, and as long as someone is remembered, especially in a universe like OFMD, we live. 

Though always reject the gift of a clock. That's someone telling you that you've only got so many hours left of life. If you are a character in a story. 

Thus the other parallel in this season is Izzy to Auntie and Ed to Zheng Yi Sao. Auntie must allow Zheng softness. Izzy must go through a sea change to something new and strange. Also, this would be a case of Doylistically the writers needed to line up Olu with Stede for that to work, and thus the new configurations of Olu and Jim's relationship, which, shrug, could be poly. Could be friends to lovers to friends.  Woulda, coulda, had more time, but that's on Max for not giving us 2 more episodes.

Prince Richard was trying to become a concept, but was too in love with the mechanics of it. Stede was trying to become a concept too. Found his fame, and all too quickly the toxic end of that particular route. Magical Realism was on his side until he tried to face down Zheng Yi Sao, the Queen of Pirates, and then the rules of the story weren't. Because those clocks were ticking. Everyone was in a very dark wood. The memory of blood splashed on Stede's face as a little boy was a warning. It was a reminder. It was the wrong lessons we take from our childhood and must unlearn to become whole.

Having the final shot of the show being Buttons landing on the unicorn leg as a reminder that this is a show about transformation. One thing becoming another thing. Somewhere the dead are dancing in Calypso's court. A dance below the sea and on the sea and with the sea. While the living keep sailing on their magic ship to do…I don't know. 

Because the Golden Age of Piracy is coming to an end. They'll go create new worlds and new places to be. Transforming.

If we get no more of the show, this is a resolution.

Since I've been quoting Dante, I'm going to end this with the final vision in Paradiso. Because folks who haven't been reading my analysis for the last 30 years / read it, may not realize that the Divine Comedy (a story that begins in sorrow and ends in joy) ends with the vision of a 3 way rainbow. 

"In the profound and shining Being of the deep Light, three circles appeared, of three colours, and one magnitude: one seemed refracted by the other, like Iris’s rainbows, and the third seemed fire breathed equally from both. O how the words fall short, and how feeble compared with my conceiving!…Power, here, failed the deep imagining: but already my desire and will were rolled, like a wheel that is turned, equally, by the Love that moves the Sun and the other stars."

[eustasskidagenda]

Hello! I love your writing! May I request some fluff with Kid, Killer, Mihawk, and Buggy where their s/o who has little cooking experience tries to surprise them by cooking something for them? Whether the food be good or bad is up to you! Thank you and have a good day!

Hi hi! Sure, always up for some fluff and I'm so happy to receive a request with Killer, I love this guy. ♡ Thank you so much for requesting. I hope the outcome will match your expectations. ☆

☆ Kid, Killer, Mihawk & Buggy with a s/o who has little cooking experience

CW :g/n reader, funny, fluff, Kid has a filthy mouth 

WC : 1,4k

Kid 

"It looks like shit. I won't put that in my mouth." 

Kid is a sassy brat because this man is able to burn the water. Spaghetti with garlic, oil, and red pepper flakes is probably the only thing he can cook. Yes, Killer's favorite food. But he won't ever admit that he learned that just for Killer, obviously. He needs to keep his jaggy-attitude, as the good angry punk he is.

Kid knows you have little cooking experience and had tried to eat what you cooked, but he ended up almost suffocating and dying on the ground. He made a promise to himself to only eat Killer's food. And we all know Kid is stubborn. He won't change his mind: you almost killed him, he will never eat your food again.

But then, he notices your sad face, wet puppy eyes and all the effort you put into the meal. And, it’s his favorite food: cabbage rolls. Okay, now his heart is melting, but of course, he won’t admit it.

"Well. It looks like shit but… it doesn't smell that bad." With a heavy sigh, he rolls his eyes and sniffs the plate like a fearful dog. 

He stares at you, suspicious, before planting his fingers on the cabbage rolls, watching if there are no bugs or whatever. Yes, he's been suspicious, petty, and he doesn't give a damn. "It looks… okay I guess." 

Actually, he's confused. That food looks like it's comestible. Perhaps it's a trap. He should wait for Killer to taste it first. Or just stuff those cabbage rolls into your mouth: if you don't die or cough, maybe he'll try it. 

"You know, if I die because of this food, I'll come back to life to avenge myself," before grabbing the cabbage rolls and eating an extremely small slice.

He's sweating, convinced that the nice appearance won't make up for the terrible taste. But… actually… it's… good. Like, he's not dying or suffocating on the ground. He doesn't even need to go to the nearest bathroom. 

"Can I have some more?" After eating the whole plate and almost licking it like a starving person. He doesn't like to give compliments, but do you remember the scene at Udon camp where he was eating? Right now, it's him. So clearly, he likes what you cooked.

Kid is not a man many words and "thank you" doesn't exist in his dictionary. Although he would notice all the efforts you made and even the cuts on your fingers, the words are simply stuck in his throat. But, he would kiss your forehead and smear his lipstick on it. And later, he would leave a handmade metal gift of your favorite flower or animal, as a 'thank you'. Gifts are a way for Kid to show his love. 

"You know what, I've changed my mind. Now I'll also eat your food." With his usual gruff voice and a flustered expression.

Killer

Killer is way nicer than his captain. Quality time is definitely his love language. So if you cook something for both of you, he's honored, truly happy and probably melting inside. The outcome doesn't matter that much. The intention already means a lot to him.

Let’s assume the outcome is not that good.

"Hm, Y/N, that seems… interesting. Really al dente." While observing the carbonized pasta. 

Even without his mask, he's good at hiding his expressions. He's probably laughing because of the SMILE, but actually he wants to cry. He feels truly happy when you try your hardest just for him, but on the flipside, he knows it won't taste good. 

Why him? Is dealing with a brat like Kid not enough for his poor soul?

If he gets sick from this food, who will keep an eye on Kid? He can't take a break with that hot-headed captain. Otherwise, the crew is doomed. 

But he wants to please you, so he will taste it. And even finish the entire plate. Even if it was bad. You tried your best, just for him, all he can do is finish his food. However, he is not dishonest. "That wasn't very tasty, sweetie... But you tried your best to please me, thank you for your time. Maybe we can cook together the next time? I'll teach you some tips." 

Finally, it's a win-win situation: thanks to your limited cooking experience, he has a good reason to spend more time with you. He’s already excited to teach you some recipe.

And as the educated guy he's, Killer will of course make the dishes himself, clean up the kitchen and thank you with a soft kiss on the corner of your lips. So now his purple lipstick is smeared on your face. 

"I need to finish my work… I'll see you tonight. Thank you again for the meal, sweetie." 

Casually walking through the door and once he's out of your view, he would run to the bathroom because he's getting sick.

"Ugh, you did that to yourself" (thank you for the support, Kid)

Mihawk

What a nice surprise to be welcomed with a beautiful table, his s/o well-dressed, red wine and some refined food. After dealing with Perona and Zoro all day, he only needs that. 

Mihawk's high standards mean that if the food is looking great, it's a good sign. He would never approach anything that looks bad. 

He knows that you may not have much cooking experience, but practice can help you make progress, right? Although the last time wasn't good, you can only improve yourself. Right? Right?

At least, if he dies from intoxication, the coffin will already be ready, thanks to his ship. 

"Come share that wine with me, don't stay standing like this." While serving you a glass of red wine.

He's a bit suspicious about the food. Even though the meal may be nice, it doesn't guarantee it's good and tasty. 

He's discreetly taking a sniff of the food. He has good manners, unlike those two brats, so he won’t make it obvious.

"Come sit with me and we can taste it together."

With his hawk eyes, he's looking at you and waiting for you to eat the food first. He's really observant, so he would notice all your expressions, even the most subtle ones. As your face shows no signs of disgust, then he would eat. 

And its taste really good. Although it may not be the most refined, given his high-standard, it's tasty, comestible, and well-matched to the wine. The most important thing for him. You can't waste a good wine with a bad dinner.

"You really outdid yourself, that was perfect. I’m grateful." 

Again, not a man of many words, but with his good manners, he would help you clean the dishes. Before returning to his duties (meaning: watching the kids), he would lend you his hat. This is a simple gift and a subtle way to say 'thank you'.

Buggy

"What, you did that for me? Why…? I mean, of course, you cook for me. What more normal? I'm the great Buggy after all." 

He's feeling quite confused inside. Outside, he's acting as cocky and extravagant as he always has. After all, what’s more typical for the great Buggy to be served with a great meal? That's the minimum he deserves. 

"Alright, let's eat it!" Before stuffing a huge amount of food in his mouth. And almost threw it back onto the plate. It's… foul. 

"Y/N, WAS OUR RELATIONSHIP A LIE THE WHOLE TIME? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" 

Really? What has he done wrong? Did he leave his makeup everywhere again? Or his clothes? Or maybe it's because he forgot to put down the toilet seat. Or... wait a second... there is red on the plate... red tomatoes… like his nose... are you making fun of him? How dare you? Yes, he's overthinking. 

"That's a betrayal, I'm dying... I'm dead." 

He's yelling and gesticulating wildly, and his face almost turns green due to the awful taste, but also red due to his anger. 

He’s dramatically angry, of course.

"Listen everyone! y/n is trying to KILL me!"

The room is empty but okay Buggy.

He's exaggerating too much, it's not that bad. But here he is, rolling on the floor, holding his stomach, fainting. And as the drama queen, he is, of course, he’s using his devil fruit to fragment his bodies. "I'm so traumatized that I'm TORN apart."

When he notices your sadness, he shrugs. 

"Ugh, Y/N, you know, maybe it was just the first slice…" he would say before giving one more chance to your plate. No, it's still bad. 

"That's a masterpiece, Y/N. I'm in heaven." While trying to hide his tears. "So tasty!"Yes, he's trying to please you, because maybe he overreacted before and maybe he feels bad because you were sad. 

But Buggy is way too loud and clumsy, he sucks with comedy. It's obvious that he's lying. 

"That's fine, don't force yourself Buggy."

"Really? So our relationship wasn't a complete lie? Thank you Y/N, I love… I mean, what are you saying? I wasn't forcing myself, I'm the great Buggy, duh, no one can force me."

[wolves-and-stars]

Beginner's Guide to Wolfstar (Long Fics)

(here's a list of my top 10 favorite long fics ranging from 259k to 59k words)

Momentum by children_of_the_shadows (ao3) 259k

If you have to ready any canon compliant (mostly) marauders through the years fic, this is the one, Children_of_the_shadows is one of the best writers ever, Top 3 fic authors.

2. Text Talk by merlywhirls (ao3) 141k

Everyone knows text talk, it's basically wolfstar bible, Non Magic AU where the boys meet by accidently texting the wrong number.

3. Time is a Fine Invention by bluepeony (ao3) 105k

Brilliant university non magic au, with the most imperfect and human characterization of both Remus and Sirius, read it if only to humanize the both of them and their relationship. Insecurity in a relationship and Coming of age and all the thoughts accompanying it are perfectly described in this. so much foreshadowing if you read it carefully enough.

It'll make you hate and simultaneously empathize with both characters.

4. Slughorn's Sanitarium for Troubled Boys by MelloPie 65k

TW: discussion of mental health, SA, institutionalization, ab*use, s*icide, self h*rm.

Non-Magic AU, set in a mental institution, where both noys have to share a room. Its one of the first long fics i ever read, so maybe i have a soft spot for this one, and every other fic on this list.

5. The Lad That Loved You. by MollyMaryMarie (ao3) 81k

I've said this once and I'll say it again, mollymarymarie is one of the best writers out there, another top 3 author for me, all of her fics are amazing, obviously including dear you holiness, we can pretend, the only living boy in new york, i might have to do a separate recs list for that.

But, if you had to read just one, i would say The lad that loved you is the perfect one, set in their 6th or 7th year? of hogwarts, they hide their new relationship by acting like they hate each other, and let me tell you, they are exactly, perfectly themselves in this fic, and by that i mean exactly how i imagine them.

There is not one single thing about this fic that i would change. Perfection.

6. Discards by picascribit (ao3) 76k words

I can't make a fic rec without picascribit. Cure for nightmares changed my life. Non-magic AU, Remus meets Sirius in the library he goes to study at, real love isn't always perfect and doesn't involve perfect people, is what i've take away from this fic.

7. ten reasons (to go to michigan) by greyeyedmonster18 (ao3) 59k

Top 3 Fics. If you had to read any wolfstar fic, it would be this one. I've read 100's spanning from 2016 - till date, and this is the best one ive ever read.

Remus is newly divorced, and he meets Sirius Black.

If you've ever lost someone one and had to re-learn how to live without someone you never thought you would have to live without, this fic will encapsulate the gist of it in words.

In one of their notes the authors says something close to 'the hardest thing about losing someone is finding out that the earth keeps spinning and you have to keep living'

8. Dating Remus Lupin by Children_of_the_Shadows (ao3) 83k

Top 3 fics. I can't explain this fic in any words, the writing style is brilliant, the characterizations are unique and wonderful and perfect. Everything about this fic is brilliant.

Set in Year 5, Sirius Black wants a boyfriend and James tells him about the only other openly gay boy in in their year, it just happens to be Remus Lupin. Much to his disdain.

9. Remus Lupin's Guide to Successful Courting by Children_of_the_Shadows (ao3) 87k

Non Magic AU, Remus Lupin finds harry in his yard having escaped from school and return him back to Dr. Sirius Black, who's new to town and coincidently doesn't have an inkling about Remus's past, his eyes clear of any judgement are what make Remus fall for him and pursue him, court if you will.

I again cannot explain this fic. Children_of_the_shadows is the most talented writer, i will make a separate fic list for their other brilliant work.

10. Sex Pistol by ArtificialAorta (ffnet) 86k

Musicians AU, Remus is punk rock, Sirius is akin to the prince of pop, how can they not fall in love?

[anxiousthoughts365]

Comfortable

'Moony?' Remus looked up from his book to find James standing at the end of the sofa, and immediately his friend's demeanour made him sit up a little straighter.

James was trying his hardest to look at Remus, but despite his efforts, his hazel eyes kept darting around the room, seemingly of their own accord. The boy was also rocking slightly from side to side, shifting his weight from one foot to another, as though he just couldn't stay still, and he was twisting his long fingers together so rapidly that Remus worried for a moment that he might hurt himself.

Remus had only seen these signs a few times, but he instantly recognised what they meant. James Potter was nervous.

'What's up, Prongs?' Remus asked carefully, shifting so that his long legs slid off the sofa, making room for the other boy to sit. He ignored the twinge in his hip as James sank gratefully onto the cushion next to him. But even sitting, James couldn't be still. His leg bounced up and down rapidly, and he ran one hand distractedly through his already messy hair, somehow managing to make it look even more tousled than usual.

'I ...' James started, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he huffed in frustration and glared into the fire.

Remus swallowed the impulse to push. He'd learned over the last 6 years that both James and Sirius sometimes just needed a bit of space and quiet to talk. If they sought him out like this, it was usually because something was stuck and wouldn't come out in their usual haphazard way of just yelling their feelings at each other. He'd quickly learned to be patient in these moments, proud that he was able to provide this space for his friends (and later, as his relationship with Sirius developed, his boyfriend).

But as the minutes ticked by with James sitting silently, Remus was forced to exercise every ounce of restraint as he waited and waited. And waited. He was just forming a question that might get James started when the boy turned back to him and blurted, 'Am I boring?'

Remus might have laughed if his friend hadn't looked so distressed. Instead, he schooled his face into a neutral expression as he said, 'James, you are one of the least boring people I've ever met in my life. What on Earth made you think that?'

'Well, it's just ...' James took a deep breath, and Remus was alarmed to see his eyes growing shiny as he rambled, 'It's just that every time I hang out with Reg, he ... He falls asleep, Moony. I thought at first that it might just be because he's taken an extra class this year, and that maybe he was overdoing it. But it happens during the holidays as well. I mean, we do other stuff as well, but I've started to just accept that by the end of whatever we're doing he'll have fallen asleep on me. And I've tried to make things more exciting by taking him new places and showing him new things but -'

'Jamie,' Remus interjected hurriedly as his friend's words became slurred and breathless. He reached out to grip the boy's heaving shoulder, grounding him as he tried to catch his breath. 'You're not boring him, mate. It just means that he's comfortable with you.'

'What do you mean?' James gulped, wiping at his eyes and nearly knocking his glasses off in the process.

'I mean that you're making him feel safe,' Remus explained, a small smile creeping across his face as memories began to return to him. Memories of a young boy with long, soft black hair and a pale, haughty face. Memories of nights with limbs hopelessly tangled and steady, even breathing. Memories of whispered conversations and confessions. 'Don't you remember how Sirius would get at night when we all first started at Hogwarts?'

'Yeah,' James said slowly, his forehead creasing as he apparently tried to make the connection between his concerns and Remus' question. 'He was a nightmare. Wouldn't settle until like 2am. But then we figured out that if he slept in with someone else -' James cut himself off suddenly, his eyes widening, understanding flooding his face. 'Oh.'

'Another relic we can thank Walburga for,' Remus said wryly, any amusement gone from his tone. James' expression turned sharp, and he looked like he might ask Remus to go on, but the werewolf shook his head. 'Sirius told me his side of things, but that's not my story to tell. And it's not Regulus' story, either. You'll have to ask him.'

'Fair enough,' James rumbled, and Remus' chest ached at the hurt that flashed over his friend's face. He knew that it wasn't directed at him, knew that James was simply already feeling the pain of what he suspected Regulus might have had to endure that meant he didn't feel safe to sleep in his own bed and could only do so comfortably with James nearby. Then James was standing, already walking towards the portrait hole as he said, 'Cheers for that, Moony. See you later, yeah?'

'See you.' The portrait swung shut, and Remus sighed. He worried momentarily for his friend, whose heart was bigger than most realised. But it was a conversation he knew that James and Regulus would have to have at some point, anyway. Better that James didn't spend months in his own head, agonising over this and blaming himself for something he had no control over.

The memories that the discussion had stirred up were lingering, though, and all at once Remus had the need to seek out his own boyfriend, to make sure that he was alright. So he heaved himself up from the sofa and climbed the stairs to their dormitory, where he found Sirius lying on Remus' bed, his wand pointed at the canopy above him.

'Hey Moons,' Sirius said, without looking away from the trail of sparks he was weaving through the air above him. In moments, Remus had crossed the room and crawled up onto the bed, sinking down to press his face and chest against Sirius' torso, his hips nestled between Sirius' thighs. Slender fingers wound into the curls at the nape of his neck as Sirius asked, 'Everything alright?'

'Just needed to remind you how much I love you,' Remus murmured, turning his head to rest his chin on Sirius' sternum so he could meet the other boy's gaze. Silver eyes flashed, then softened, and Sirius' gentle smile was so beautiful that it made Remus' chest ache all over again.

'I love you,' Sirius whispered, and Remus scrambled up onto his hands and knees to press a deep kiss to Sirius' lips.

[codfanficedits]

Being with you too.

CW: A little bit of angst? Portraying of an unhealthy relationship/a break-up

Fem!reader x Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Little note: I've posted part one on another platform too and people requested a part two. I hope this doesn't suck ass!!

Part One here

Being with Simon meant you had to go to quite some gatherings with him, but you didn’t mind at all, you enjoyed socializing with people, especially new people. It meant you could tell people all about him, about how handsome he was, how the two of you met, how he was different from all the men you had met before. Not a bad word you leave you lips when you would talk about Simon. After all, how could you badmouth the man that had been nothing but good for you?

Being with Simon caused you to come into contact with the Los Vaqueros, one of the forces he had to partner up with in order to keep the world a better place. Alejandro was a nice man to talk to, a bit of a dominant type, talking over you all the time, but you didn’t mind it, after all, he was praising Simon for his good work, and that brought a smile to your face. You did like his counterpart, Rudy, a lot more. The man was quiet, but his eyes were bright, attentive even and you liked how you could tell how well he listened to you, it was way more active than Simon would listen to you, Rudy’s eyes would never leave your face, not even when you somehow got to your favourite TV show. It was so different from Simon and it brought a weird knot to your stomach. You felt bad for even thinking such things, especially when Simon loved you so much. Of course Simon listened to you, he just showed it different.

Being with Simon was reason enough to break off the conversation with Rudy, leaving him with a puzzled look on his face when you came with a lame excuse to go to the open bar. The internal war of feelings still going on, and to ease yourself you decided to bring Simon a drink, to make the feelings of guilt go away.

A smile on your face as you approach him, his back turned to you while he talked to Gaz. You could feel your heart drop when you heard snippets of his conversation.

“….talks too much…”

“…even after….missions…”

Your mouth runs dry, your hands tremble but you take another step towards him, needing to hear what Simon is saying. It couldn’t be about you? Right? He would never say such things.

“I’m telling you Gaz, she just never, ever shuts up. After our last mission I came home and the moment I stepped foot in that house, she was next to me. Like a goddamn leech sucking away the life out of me.”

Being with Simon was the reason why your heart just got shattered into your chest, the fragments piercing through your lungs as you struggle to breathe properly, hot tears forming in your eyes as his words engrave in your brain. He was supposed to be your safe haven, he was supposed to be different. You want to do all sort of things, scream at him, throw the beer in your hands to the back of his head, cuss him out, call him his father. But you can’t. Instead you turn around, silent steps away from him.

Being with Simon became a lesson on how you couldn’t even trust the person you loved so dearly, it taught you that you do indeed talk to much, making you a flawed human that should learn to shut up. You can’t even remember how you came home, the drive was a blur. Getting into the apartment was a blur, but there you were, sitting on the couch, all alone.

Leaving Simon was the hardest thing you’d ever done. Part of you wanted to change for him, chat less, talk less, shut up more. But you knew you’d advice friends to leave a man who would dare to talk shit about them like this. And you knew you would never trust another word that would leave his lips again. Those same lips that had kissed you so much, and again you could feel that war in your chest going on, your heart chattering, your lungs struggling to breath, your stomach flipping. But you couldn’t let a man break you like this. Because excusing the way he had mistreated you would be a mistake.

You made yourself the promise that no one would ever knock the wind out of you again, not like that, not like him. When you pack your stuff you wonder how you should let him know you’re leaving. Would you wait for him? Call him? Text him? Give him the chance to explain himself? Maybe it would just be one big mistake. But your heart knew better, your mind knew better, you knew better. The sadness in your chest makes way for anger. Calm anger, no more tears running down your cheeks anger, but a I’ll fold my clothes neatly in the suitcase while I leave you anger. You won’t call him, text him, wait for him, no you’re disappearing out of his life. Erasing yourself out of his narrative, and part of you wants to be there when he comes home and find everything stripped from your existence, you’re taking as much as you can load into your car. The spoons you bought? They’re coming with you, the toilet paper you bought two days ago? It’s yours and loaded into your boot. That PlayStation you got him for Christmas? Into the passenger seat it goes. Even the duvet covers are coming with you. You’re content when your car is full with all of the stuff you had bought in the years the two of you had been together and you start the drive to one of your friends. Leaving Simon would be the hardest and easiest thing you had done.

Being with you meant that Simon had to drag you along to the gatherings from work, each one more annoying than the others. You would always be so happy to talk to people, and for him it was a nice break, every word you said to others, was a word you didn’t have to say to him. He would know what you’d tell people, always boosting about how much he loved you, it made him sick to his stomach, the happiness on your face while all he could feel was disgust.

Being with you caused Simon to dread it whenever you had to meet new people he worked with. He could see you talk to Alejandro, seeing you narrow your eyes whenever Alejandro would interrupt you and talk over you, a smirk on Simons face. Because now you knew how annoying it is whenever someone talks so much. Simon could see you talking to Rudy, the poor sucker was being caught in your whirlwind of words and Simon was just really happy he wasn’t in Rudy’s position right now.

Simon turned around when he saw Gaz approaching. “She just never shuts up huh?” Gaz was the first to make a snarky remark.

“Never, she just talks too much.” Simon said with a sigh. “I’m never at peace, not even after I come home after a my missions.”

Simon shook his head. “I’m telling you Gaz, she just never, ever shuts up. After our last mission I came home and the moment I stepped foot in that house, she was next to me. Like a goddamn leech sucking away the life out of me.”

A soft chuckle leaves Gaz. “Man I don’t even know how you hold up.”

Being with you was the reason why Simon could drink this night, after all, you would be his ride home, so he had nothing to worry about. He hadn’t even noticed you had left, no instead Simon was too busy having fun with the people that he actually cared about. While you were struggling at the apartment, he was dancing and drinking. While you had made up your mind and had found the strength to leave, Simon was too busy cracking stupid jokes with Price. While you were content and driving towards one of your friends, Simon was finally ready to leave, and it wasn’t until that moment that he noticed you had left. All he could feel was annoyance, because this meant he had to take an expensive cab home.

Being with you was the reason why he dreaded going home, stepping foot into that house again. But this time it felt different. The apartment felt colder than usual, not as warm, not as cozy. And you weren’t there to greet him at the door. Maybe you were asleep? He stumbled to the bedroom, but it was empty, too empty. Simon noticed the duvet covers missing, he opened up the closet and noticed your clothes missing, his heart starting to race when he realized something was wrong. Did someone break in? No, it would be weird for a burglar to just take the duvet covers and your clothing. Did you leave? No, you wouldn’t have the balls to do so. Maybe you just went to a friend?

He stumbled to the kitchen, opening up the fridge. His eyes widening when half of the groceries were missing. The orange juice you had bought was gone, the meat, the cheese, even the beers you had bought just for him were gone. The realisation that you might’ve left finally dawned up on him, and it brought him a lot of peace. He could just spent time without have you yap an blabber all the time, he didn’t have to listen to your constant talking about those dumb shows you watched. It nearly felt as if the Gods had blessed him. Being left by you turned out to be harder than Simon had thought. He had enjoyed the silence for a while, but when he woke up in that large, empty bed, he couldn’t help but miss you next to him. He thought he would enjoy eating his breakfast in silence, but the silence that lingered in the apartment was an eerie one, and loneliness crept up to him. He tried to reach out to you, but you had blocked him on every single platform he could reach you on and for the first time since he had met you, he found himself longing for your words, the way you spoke, the way you were so passionate about all the topics you talked about.

Being left by you made him realise how much he loved you.

Leaving Simon broke you down, but you managed to pick yourself up again. It took you a while, but you slowly found yourself trusting other again, and although you were still weary of talking too much, you still had that some passion in your voice whenever you talked about something, even your silly TV shows. You went to the store, getting yourself a tub of ice cream before your favourite show would start. Your cart bumping into someone since your mind was busy with the cliffhanger of last episode. “I’m so sorry.” You mutter quickly as you look up.

Rudy.

His eyes light up a little too quickly as a smile forms on his lips. “You never told me if Big Edd and Rose ended up staying together.”

[mayzi33]

******SPOILERS, SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD.*********

I have so much to say I'm afraid my brain might explode. So I'll try to keep calm despite still being at the verge of tears.

When I first started this book series, I thought it would be the usual light, cutesy fantasy about friendship and family. And oh boy, OH BOY WAS I WRONG.

On a side note, something I'd like to point out I noticed, from the first book to the third, the lighting on the cover progressively gets darker. Of course, representing the story itself as the plot gets darker as well. On the last book, it's still dark, but there's a light coming from Janner, Kalmar and Leeli, like they finally reached sunrise after a long, ruthless night. Something i'm pretty sure was said at some point on the books themselves, about no matter how long the night is the day will always come.

Anyways. Back to the topic at hand. As the story progressed, I keep growing more and more connected to these characters, and each chapter I rooted more and more for the Jewels Of Anniera.

I'd like to add that I'm an only child, yet, somehow, I can tell Janner is one of the best eldest sibling characters ever written. My whole life I've only watched siblings around me and their relationship with eachother, especially on the eldest's side, and somehow, Janner reminded me of every friend, family member or random stranger I saw on the streets someday that have siblings.

Janner is such a complex character. He is by no means perfect, but he does have a golden heart. One of the things I was most impressed by was how the author described Janner's feelings, whatever it was the longing for his father, or just feeling burdened by his siblings. And yet, no matter what Janner is feeling, the narrator never invalidates his feelings or antagonize him. Janner is a child, a child who went through a lot. He is allowed to miss a father he never had just as he is allowed to sometimes be annoyed for always having to make sacrifices for his siblings. But one of the things I admired the most about Janner (along with everyone else I'm pretty sure) was his character development. At the first book, he'd roll his eyes at the mere thought of having to look after his siblings and saw them as a burden. At the second book, he learned the hard way how much Kalmar and Leeli matter to him, and how it hurts to be away from them. On the third book, he took pride on his title as Throne Warden and role as the eldest sibling, being devoted to protecting the High King and Song Maiden. And at last, on the last book, he leaves pride aside. He doesn't take care of Kalmar and Leeli because it's his duty, because it's honorable, neither because that's what he has always been told to do. He does it because he loves them above all else, because he finally sees how strong the bond the three of them share truly is, because he feels the blessing the Maker has gifted them, and how much stronger they are when they're together.

Janner is a kind, brave, clever, beautiful boy.

And I will forever believe that they managed to get him the water from the First Well to heal him. I will nor accept any other ending.

Kalmar. At first, the typical goofy, troublemaking sibling, more like a comic relief. But again, OHOHOHO BOY... DID THAT CHANGE.

I definetely did not expect for them to take the turn they did with Kalmar. I could tell that he would have some character arc mainly towards maturing and taking responsability, but I DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE LIKE THAT. Seeing that bright, easy-going, smiley little boy loosing his usual joyful personality when he was fanged, slowly loosing his sanity and growing on his self loathing was really something painful yet beautiful to watch. Like Janner, he also had to learn his lesson on the hardest way possible. An extrovert kid like him, having everyone turning their backs on him and looking at him with hatred, and yet, he learned to keep his head high, like a High King. (the phrase "keep your head held high or else your crown will fall" is literally perfect for him.) And most of all, seeing him risk his life to aid a strange cloven, (that turned out to be his father) grant the Hollowsfolk his forgiveness despite everything they did to him, show mercy and compassion to the Fangs despite everything they did, all of these things make Kalmar an inspiring ruler, and leaves me assured that he will be a great king after all.

Now, Leeli, sweet, pure-hearted Leeli. I will be honest, at first I was afraid that they would make her the typical "overly nice and overly fragile female character", but again, BOY WAS I WRONG. (I don't know how many times I will repeat that, I apologize.) At some points in the books, she didn't have as much spotlight as her brother and I felt like she was kind of being thrown aside. But there's always a turn the books take that make her lack of spotlight at first worth it. So young, the youngest of the Jewels Of Anniera, yet she has seen and done so much. Has a bad leg, needed to use a crutch since she was little, yet that literally never stopped her. She strives to keep up with her brothers, and despite his kind personality she shows she can be festy and even scary when she wants to. (I will never forget that moment in the second book where she was yelling at the trolls and fangs and they were actually eager to obey her lol). She hates it when people assume she's weak and often refuses help, proving she's perfectly capable. But at times, she does need help, which shows us all it's okay to have someone to rely on. She was the link between Janner and Kalmar, no matter how much they argued nor how mad they were at eachother, she was always there for both of them and connecting them back together. She may not be able to fight like her brothers, but she found her own strenght. Her music, something that has always brought joy and hope to others turns out to be an ACTUAL weapon. She kicked a Green Fang to defend her puppy, she was the first one to see the pain and kindess through Peet, Nugget sacrificed himself for her showing how her strong her love for others really is, she stopped A FREAKING DRAGON from killing her grandpa, she led an army of dogs, she defeated countless fangs with nothing but her song. One of the best child female chracters I've seen in a while. She is feminine, has her weak points, but she finds her strenght, not in swords, punches or bows but on a whistleharp. I love her so much I can't describe it.

I love all of these kids so much. I am *proud* of them. I know it's a weird thing to say about fictional characters, but these books just make me feel this way. I can't name a single character I didn't connect or feel empathy with.

Nia, such a strong, independent woman, raising her children having lost her husband and kingdom, yet keep her head held high like the queen she is.

Podo, a man who has sinned, takes shame on them, yet shows that sinners can still be good people. Loves his family above all else, protected and took care of them until his last breath, might have been a little rough around the edges, but always showed a soft spot for his daughter and grandkids.

Artham, a broken man, haunted by the shame of loosing his brother, slowly, but surely, healing. Learning to move on by protecting his nephews and niece, making what was once a weakness a strenght.

Oskar, an old man that was always sitting on the library, letting go of his peaceful life and risking his life to accompany the Wingfeathers through thick and thin.

Sara, who was taken from her family, abused and had all her hope crushed, finding her courage back after meeting Janner and taking after him, being a sisterly figure, leader and queen ti billions of orphan children, and helping them find their strenght and fight for their freedom.

Maraly, a rude strander girl who was raised horribly her whole life by her abusive father, finally finding true love and a true father figure.

Everything about this story has touched me. A broken world taken by an evil monarch who turned to be just another broken soul, filled with hopeless people, people who had surrended to the darkness... Saved by three children, who brought light everywhere they went. A boy with scars, a boy inside a wolf, and a girl with a crutch. Kids who one day were mere peasants, the other were the Jewels Of Anniera, and a year later, heroes of Aerwiar.

I've smiled, I've laughed, I've been shocked, I've been scared, I've been mad, I've cried. I have red lots, and I mean LOTS of books. Different stories, different worlds, different characters. Yet none of them has touched me half as much as The Wingfeather Saga.

It has war, tears, bloodshed, betrayals, sacrifices and sorrow. But it also has love, joy, hope, laughter, wonder and light.

This story definetely deserves way more fans and recognition. I hope that with the new animated series (which I'll definetely watch later) it begins to gain more love.

Anyways. I really love this in case y'all couldn't tell already. Have a good day/afternoon/evening.

[grapehyasynth]

young royals fic rec, 25/?

i’m (slowly) working my way through the wilmon tag on ao3 and thought that as i go i might shout out some fics i enjoy along the way! i've tagged authors where i knew their tumblr url, but please feel free to tag folks or dm me if you know ones i've missed!

see all my rec lists here

1. Dear lover, I’ll fight whoever is in your locker by @piebingo - The girls are tired of seeing Wille and Simon dance around each other without doing anything about it. They decide to take be matchmakers and matters into their own hands, asking both boys out for them to go to the ball together, through a series of love poems. What could possibly go wrong?

2. my hand was the one you reached for by @prncewilhelm - on their third valentine's day together, wille and simon discuss their first.

3. We exist in each other's memories by @cupofteainme - Simon and Wilhelm haven't seen each other in four years. Felice hosts a Hillerska reunion party. Old feelings rise to the surface.

4. We're Not Made of Stone by @princewillesothermom - As Wille and Simon navigate Christmas break and their return to Hillerska, they learn more about not only each other, but also what it means to be themselves in the face of grief, family, and love.

5. Right Here by @earlgrey-lateatnight - That’s what this weekend was about. A last chance to hang out and relax and make love before everything had to change.

6. tell me what you'll do by @purplesimme - Playing cool his crush on Simon is one of the hardest things Wille has ever had to do, and he's a Prince, for Christ's sake. He should be better at pretending, but he fell so hard and so fast it all feels out of his control.

7. a crown prince's tear-stricken guide to life by boytoast - In the dead of night, when he becomes insomnia’s favourite victim, he tries to imagine the same sensation by wrapping his own arms around his shoulders. It only works for a second.

[lvndrptchwrk]

Hi! If you have request , Could I request Baxter Ward with a reader whos a model? Step 3 or 4 are cool!

((omg thank you for the request ! i just finished the baxter dlc the other day so i've been itching to write him and this seems like the perfect scenario ! ))

baxter ward with a model mc

step 3/4 baxter x gn! mc 

spoilers for baxter’s dlc ahead! 

🔲 you’ve always had a particular taste in fashion and always loved dressing up, so it’d make sense that you would find a part time job at a modeling company after you graduated

🔲 meeting baxter for the first time, you two instantly clicked about your tastes in fashion

🔲 colorful wardrobe: he is your exact polar opposite with his black and white wardrobe, but you two loved to compare the differences in taste, and see if there's any similarities

🔲 black and white wardrobe: he is enamored about how similar your wardrobe is to his and you two talk about the similarities and how bad of an idea it is to wear black in the heat 

🔲no matter what your wardrobe is, he simply loves seeing the kinds of outfits you wear for different occasions, from casual hang-outs to fancy nights out

🔲 you two would try to coordinate your outfits to match when possible ! esp if you have a colorful wardrobe yall would be true polar opposites ! and with the matching black and white outfits you guys would fr be twins 

🔲 if you take part in a fashion show or photoshoot, he would definitely attend or want to see the photos

🔲 seeing your photos or watching you model clothes has him blown away, you are in your element and truly the star of the show in his eyes

🔲 during sightseeing, mountain and drinks, he would offer to take pictures of you throughout your time together so you could post them to social media and enhance your portfolio

🔲 leaving when summer ends is probably the hardest thing he’s done, he truly loved seeing you and you’ve impacted his life more than he ever imagined 

🔲 “as much as staying would benefit both of us, it simply isn’t meant to be . as you say, the show must go on . ”

🔲 gives you his iconic black and white eye button up as a souvenir of him

🔲 “you would find use of this when you model . plus, i can always buy another one”

🔲 after he leaves, he finds you on social media and watches as your modeling career takes off 

🔲 always likes your posts of professionally done photos and videos of you on the runway 

🔲 has cried when he saw pics of you modeling in his button up (and made it his wallpaper on his phone)

🔲 if you're contracted to model for a clothing company, he would definitely buy a couple of articles of clothing that you’ve modeled in (if its black and white of course)

🔲 if you start a blog of fashion tips, he would follow the blog and take some of your tips to heart, learning what colors would work best for him

🔲 would also take these tips for his clients, offering them colors and themes that would make them pop out at the wedding

🔲 if you ever appear on the cover of a magazine, he’d buy a couple copies just because you're on the front page

🔲 if he’s also bought posters and prints of you as well, that’s definitely for him to know and no one else to find out (he has a poster of you hanging in his office at work) 

🔲 when it’s time for jude and scott’s wedding, you were in charge of ensuring everyone’s outfits were coordinating and all the decorations matched

🔲 jude and scott definitely mentioned you were in charge of outfits but since they never mentioned you by name, he was floored when he realized you were the one helping for the wedding 

🔲 “it all makes sense, looking back at it . only you could make everyone look as divine as they are tonight, truly the work of a model”

🔲 you instantly hit it off right away a second time, you both simply could not not talk to each other, whether its about modeling or the wedding or fashion in general

🔲 he eventually reveals he follows you on social media and could not stay away from you and your work (the poster in his office was a partial giveaway)

🔲 when you two start dating again, he starts coming to all of your shows/photoshoots when he can 

🔲 if you lived far, you would definitely convince your work to let you move closer to baxter so he’d be able to see your shows or take constant trips out to model near the area

🔲 loves when you coordinate clothes with him, loves it even more when you wear his clothes

🔲 has modeled with you once or twice in his freetime, and was elated to see his face alongside yours in the final product

🔲 you both are so photogenic so obviously photographers constantly love you two together in photos

🔲 your fanbase goes feral over seeing you two together, they simply can't ignore how good you both look

🔲 he however is your number one fan and makes everyone aware of it 

🔲 “hi yes im baxter ward, wedding planner and mc’s number one fan”

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Alto/Wolff

The Others... and a secret

Note in advance: this episode contains a bit more text than in the previous parts. But it was important because it answers a few questions that some of you may have already asked yourself.

Nick went outside with Morgana and closed the bedroom door behind him. Then he took a few steps and leaned against the wall. “Thanks, I probably couldn't have done it on my own"/ ”like I said, it would have been better if I'd been informed earlier that she was expecting a child. Worse things could have happened”.

Nick paused for a moment before continuing. “You lack the means to properly examine the pregnant ladies in the city…"/ ”Mh, that's correct, yes. Above all, I don't have an ultrasound machine, there are so many things that could be detected and ruled out with it…"/ ‘It won't be long before… you'll have one of those machines at your disposal’ / ‘What do you mean?’/ ‘I've requested one’. Morgana was shocked and curious. “But where, by whom?"/…

“From people out there somewhere. I asked them for it. “/ “What… What kind of people are they?”/ “Hh… Some who have had me firmly in their grip for months. And it's up to me that… That nothing has happened here so far"/ ‘Mr. Alto…’/ ‘I value you as a very loyal person, Dr. Wolff, not just as a doctor’.

Morgana looked at him skeptically “You want to confide something in me and I'm not allowed to tell anyone, am I right?”/ “Yes, not yet. I'll talk to the people here soon, when I've got the hardest part over with"/ ‘and that would be?’. He looked at her seriously with tired eyes “Is there something you're particularly attached to, Dr.? What's the most important thing in your life?”/ “A few things. My own life, my husband, my child… My friends”.

“That's quite a lot. For me, it's been money for as long as I can remember. I learned early on how to get it, how to invest it wisely and how to spend it wisely. But money… It's also a tool you can use to manipulate people. Now I'm the one being manipulated. I have a lot of assets, it's not small. And that has gotten through to these people”

Morgana tried to follow and understand what Nick was telling her. “So… they want your money?"/ ‘All the valuables I own…’/ ‘And why don't you give them what they want?’. He took a deep breath. “Would you just give away something you've worked so hard for all your life?”. Morgana's voice became a little louder, as she seemed to understand what this was all about. “honestly, what do you have to lose except your money?"/ ‘hh… I know what you're getting at, Dr. Wolff’.

“You probably think now, just like my wife, that I'm stubborn. Yes, I am. But they also said that if I've given them everything, we won't get any more help from them…"/ ”What help have we had so far? We haven't seen any of it…”. Nick found it increasingly difficult to speak as his conscience began to torment him, “We were selfish, I…”. Her voice became more insistent. “Now tell me!"/ ‘They provided us with food and we weren't supposed to give any of it away’/ ”What…why?”

“Because there are other sick minds sitting there who want to know… how long the people here can get by without help and food now. So… Not only do they want all my assets, they also treat the people here like guinea pigs. When that meteor storm came and destroyed everything. That was just the right opportunity for them to test how humans cope in extreme situations…"/ ”Please what? I'm… Completely confused, excuse me”. Morgana had to sit down.

“They just wanted to leave us here to our fate? And you're going along with it, Mr.Alto?”. Nick couldn't look her in the eye. “They said if I lifted a finger, they'd stop supplying us"/ ”What supply? We…"/ ”For me, my family. As I said, the whole thing was an experiment”. Morgana was stunned. „And , how do they know what's going on here? Are there cameras here?”. He shook his head. “No, we should only ever observe and report. Gerhard and Nancy…"/ ”They should be spying on us, am I right? My God, that's really sick!”.

Morgana had to process the whole thing first. She was angry, surprised, many feelings overwhelmed her . “How… How did this contact even come about, Mr. Alto? How…”. Morgana hadn't really paid attention to it at first, because she had been looking after Vita the whole time. But she remembered this device in the bedroom. “Is that a Transmitter? Where did…”. Nick collected his thoughts again and tried to explain everything to her in detail. “The day before it all happened… I took it from the town hall because I wanted to do some restoration work on it. Actually, it was just an exhibit.”

“Now I remember, it was there in a bigger glass case in the foyer". He nodded. ”actually, it belonged in a museum long ago. Be that as it may. After the initial shock of the impacts was somewhat digested and we realized that the internet was down, I came up with the idea of getting the thing operational. Unfortunately, I just didn't know how to find a frequency. And then… they found me”.

Morgana had many questions running through her mind. “How did they contact you through this device? How did they know which frequency to select? How…"/ ”Believe me, I've often asked myself these questions too. Someone seems to have known that I have one of these devices. I just wonder who the hell it is. Maybe someone from here?"/ ‘That's nonsense!’.

Nick stood up and took a few steps across the room. “Why nonsense, Dr.?"/ ”Well, first of all, I don't think anyone else here has such a device except you. And I'd put my hand in the fire for every single person here. Who would come up with something like that? I would never voluntarily put my friends, my family or anyone else in the city I live in at risk. Do you understand?”.

Nick took a deep breath and exhaled. “I'm sure you're right, who would put up with such macabre nonsense here?"/ ‘You said… you get deliveries, right?’/ ‘Yes, food and other things for everyday use.’/ ‘Where do these deliveries come from?’/ „Where? I don't know, but definitely across the sea. There's a landing stage somewhere far away. The things were unloaded there and we pick them up by arrangement.”

“By arrangement… Does that mean they were never there when a delivery came?"/ ”No. We never knew when they were going to deliver to us. We were only informed by radio when the delivery arrived and we could pick it up. But apart from the goods, there was no one to be seen there, the ship was usually gone by then”. Morgana put her hands to her head. There was just so much information she had to deal with. “hh, my goodness… My head is spinning and I… I have to get back to my child”.

“Dr. Wolff…"/ ”If I've understood all this correctly, it's up to you whether we survive or perish here. I don't know how long I can carry this secret around with me now. You should talk to the people here urgently. Otherwise… I will do it” / ‘I'll do it, I promise you, as soon as…’ / ”You'd better not promise anything. Good night, Mr. Alto!”. Morgana picked up her things and made her way home.

After Morgana had left the house, Nick stood in front of the closed front door for a moment. And as he said, he had already made his decision. But he still didn't know how to deal with the consequences. He shook off his thoughts for the rest of the evening and went into the bedroom. “ssh, don't cry, o.k., I just wanted to take a closer look at you. Come here… My son”..

Nick could hear his wife snoring softly. She was still very exhausted from the birth, which had dragged on for almost a whole day. “So we haven't thought of a name yet, have we? I have a cousin, Alfonso, but we're no longer in contact. I would like that, Alfonso…Alfi, hnhn”. As he looked at his son, a few tears welled up in his eyes. Yes, as Cy once said, a little one like that changes something in you. “We'll find a solution, Alfi… Somehow”.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this part

@greenplumbboblover😊

poses by @poses-by-bee & @inkwisteria

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Given a true, heartfelt apology, a change of actions to match, and probably a LOT of time, do you think Muriel would ever forgive Lucio? Or at least detest him less? It’s one thing I haven’t been able to pin down about Muriel’s character. Would love to know your thoughts on the matter!

@httyd-chocolate here you go friend!

Lucio's forgiveness

Since I was covering Lucio's forgiveness from multiple characters, I didn't go super in-depth for Muriel's part, so I'll go more in-depth on what I consider "forgiveness" to look like ^.^

Truthfully, forgiveness as we understand it is a much angrier, active, and empowering process than what often gets portrayed as it. The contexts I most often encounter "forgiveness" in are either media, where a saintly character rises above a villain's games as that villain is facing accountability and the consequences of their actions, or when someone in interpersonal situations wants to brush over what they've done wrong. In both cases it essentially boils down to "I've decided to stop thinking about and acting on the wrong thing you did." I've rarely seen forgiveness discussed or portrayed as what I've come to understand it to be.

(To be clear - I'm not talking about petty wrongs like your roommate eating your food and then trying to make up for it by buying you the replacement. This is in reference to horrific levels of violence/betrayal/wrongdoing, like what we know makes up Lucio's backstory)

Forgiveness as I see it is something that only the person who has been wronged can do. It is not something that can be demanded or expected. It is not owed - and granting it to someone who has hurt you only adds to the accountability they face. While there are things that the person in the wrong can do to make the process of forgiveness easier, at no point are they in any position to directly involve themself in it. It is something that only the person who was wronged can do, and anybody besides them has no power in that decision and process.

It starts by listing and acknowledging all the ways in which you were wronged - each action taken or not taken, the reasons why that decision was wrong, and every harmful impact it had. It means confronting your grief and anger with the reasons that you should be grieving and angry, and allowing yourself to feel them because that is an act of justice that you are worth taking. It means reaffirming that how poorly you were treated is in violation of your inherent value, not in accordance with it. It means understanding that there are no excuses.

This phase is the longest, and perhaps the hardest part, and it's one you never completely leave. Forgiveness for something on this level of wrong isn't a single decision or action, but a maintained mental posture that gets easier to hold and smaller in the context of your life as you grow and live on. There may come a point where you hardly think of it at all and the feelings are well-worn and quieter, but that has far more to do with time and healing than what forgiveness is.

The next step is deciding who you are and what you're going to do in the context of your suffering. It's not possible to do this honestly without spending time in the first step of acknowledging how valid your hurt is and how wrong what you suffered was. It shouldn't have happened. It did happen. So, now what? Are you going to let the actions of the person who wronged you define who you are and what you can do? Or are you going to take the pain that shouldn't be yours in your own hands, and slowly learn how to carry it because you were here before it was? Will you define your suffering in the context of the person who inflicted it, or in the person hardy enough to live with it even though they shouldn't have to?

It's only after you've found it in yourself to do those things that the part we usually think of as forgiving someone starts. It's when, after seeing and feeling how wrong their actions were, after living with and growing beyond the consequences they've inflicted on you, you get to bring the results of their faults back to them:

"This is what you did wrong. This is why what you did was wrong. This is how much harm you caused. Nothing can erase what you did. This will always be something that you did, and I am proof of it. I have lived with the consequences of your actions. I have refused to become the person you treated me as. I have developed the strength to carry faults that are yours, not mine. I have taken the ugliness you forced on me and turned it into a catalyst for growth and goodness. In that regard, I have covered for your wrongs, and I am choosing to let you live in debt to me for that. Whatever peace you get from not having your wrongs visited back on you is the gift from me you do not deserve, but I am choosing to give you anyways."

Obviously, forgiveness and healing are closely linked, and neither are linear or one-size-fits-all. Sometimes the context is well-intentioned love and close relationships that caused major hurt through personal failings, and forgiveness is navigating and balancing the pain and wrongdoing with the genuine love and connection you have for each other. Sometimes the context is selfish callousness where the person who did wrong puts no stock in how they affect other people, and forgiveness is asserting that it was still wrong and that your value is equal to theirs. Sometimes the context is malice and a desire to assert and maintain power, and forgiveness is becoming empowered to live as proof of their faults where the only place they have is in your debt. Sometimes the process is so long and hard that by the time you've reached that point, you have to do it to someone who isn't around anymore.

To bring an introspective, philosophical ramble back to Muriel from the Arcana, yes, I think he could one day forgive Lucio as far as what I consider true forgiveness. He's already in the first stage when we meet him. (Julian, on the other hand, has yet to consider any of the ways Lucio treated him as more than "mantrums" and I find that very concerning -)

[crazyk-imagine]

Finding their Mate

A/N: This feels like I wrote an entire series, but it was simple headcanons, which I've found to be oddly fun to do from time to time

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freya

After everything that happened with her aunt Dahlia and her giving up everything for her family to live their best lives (without her). Can you imagine how surprised she is to find out that you two are mates; the girl is baffled beyond baffled. She doesn't pursue you when she learns the truth. If you two are friends and she has feelings for you, she'll begin to pull away a bit which leads to you confronting her and asking why she's acting the way she is because it feels like things are weird and you don't want to deal with weird. You have a hard time making friends or finding people who can tolerate you. One awkward conversation later, you two share a kiss and are on a date. I mean, if you consider you watching her practice a spell while she tries not to blush too much as a date, there you have it

Finn

Before his mother forced this life of eternal damnation onto him even if it was due to losing his youngest brother. There is one thing he never anticipated finding... you, his mate. If anyone had told him mates were real and he would meet his soon, he'd probably think you were insane. And that's saying a lot since his life has been revolving around the supernatural since he was a child. Meeting you certainly helped him through this new life, but it didn't do much when he finds himself daggered at the hands of his brother. Knowing you were out there on your own dealing with him family drove him crazy, but he didn't know you asked to be turned to live with him (imagine his surprise when he awoke nine hundred years later and found you). After talking with you, he can't imagine living without you and thanks his lucky stars for you

Elijah

When his memories came back of how he harmed Tatia, he was less enthusiastic about pursuing another female. But Davina made a friend in you (because you helped her bring Kol back) and that was the end of it. It didn't trigger that you two had met years ago until he saw the three of you enjoying breakfast together. His memories came flooding back to him and he realized that you weren't in your original body yet, hence where his younger brother got the idea to do so, trying to find the doppelgänger. You two slowly began bonding and then came the hardest time in your relationship, he lost his memories, his mind would never let him forget your face. He never knew until he and Klaus were at their end, but his brother admitted your death to him and explained that's why he has an ache in his heart. A werewolf had gotten you while you were protecting Hope. He never got to admit how sorry he was for hurting you, not until he saw you standing there, waiting for him with Hayley by your side

Klaus

He didn't believe it for a second, thought it was a hoax; thought it was something the witches cooked up to blackmail him. But the more he saw you, the more his heart raced and the more his need for you grew stronger. Not to mention the fact that his wolf didn't help, the voice calling and wanting him to take you for his own so they can claim you as theirs. He knew he was dangerous and that's why he did all he could to stay away from you in the beginning when he ever so slowly begins to accept that your fates are tied to one another. There was no way he'd let you be put in danger due to his issues or because you're associated with his family. After you manage to protect Hope and yourself while defending him and his name, he thinks maybe his family wasn't lying when they said you two were fated mates, destined to be together (perfect for one another eve). He was more than hesitant to try and form a relationship with you. You had to be the one to take the step and make things right and stop the aches n both your hearts

Kol

He initially planned on using you as leverage since he knows his brother cares about you (whether it was platonic or not). But then, there was this little spark you had and not just because you managed to shock him with your powers, to escape from him and his mother. After that he knew he had to know you, someone who is genuine friends with his half-brother and can take care of themself in they ever needed to. That one hell of a keeper and there was no way he could let you go. So, yeah, he's going to try and become your friend (only after you reject him when he asks you to go out on a date). Then when Davina tried to help him return to his body, she came to you and knew you'd be able to help more than anyone because working alone isn't enough. No one, supernatural or not, cannot deny the bond between mates. You two confessed to one another once he came back from the supernatural purgatory, in his original body, and that was that

Rebekah

After watching her brother kill almost all her lovers and ruining any chance she had at a love life, she found it hard to believe that she was offered a chance at having someone fated to be hers. Someone her brother couldn't kill without causing her severe harm. She loves too hard and fast, she knows that, but she can't help it. Now that mates are thrown into the mix, she is a little hesitant at starting something with you, but she also knows how you are (being allies with her family helped her learn more about you). Then when her siblings find their mates and watches how happy they are, she can't help but basically run into your arms and confess that she feels the bond too and wants to start a relationship with you (and if you hate Elena, that's such a bonus for her)

Hope

When she lost her parents and her Uncle Elijah, she never imagined anything good would come into her life. Always believing herself to be cursed and imagining loads of misery would continue to come her way even as she genuinely tries to let good things into her life. Then you came into play, and she was floored. First off, you're the most good-looking person she's ever seen, Landon does not compare whatsoever. But it also is more of a reason for her hesitation when it comes to interacting with you or her just trying to get to know you. You knew right away who she was to you, another reason why you wanted to talk to her, figure out how you would fit into her life. You started to pursue her, not ready to give up even as she continuously turns you down, waiting until she'll accept you. After some time, she decided to try and have her own epic love like her parents and uncle Elijah did. She doesn't regret it

Hayley

After learning the truth about her family, she didn't expect to hear that mates were a thing. Then as soon as she stepped foot in New Orleans, imagine her surprise when she met not one but two wolves who continuously looked out for her. She manages to bond with one of the two wolves right away, slightly alarmed at how easy it was to spot you in your wolf while she is out in town. Then came a full moon where she met Jackson, who may or may not, have known who the wolf was and told her, about you and your back story or the bond you two share. Unfortunately for her, you were cursed differently. Only when you find your mate on a full moon and they accept you, will you be able to turn into your human form again. She searched three moons before finding you and she thanked her bloodline for giving her someone so, well, you. You're more than she could have ever known

Davina

With everything she went through before and after learning about everything witch wise, finding a lover much less a mate was the furthest thing on her mind. After she came back from the other side and was dealing with the ancestors' punishment, you entering her life was more a blessing. Which is something she and Marcel can easily agree on. Then you put in the effort to learn about her, just as she starts to find herself, accepting everything she's done and what the other witches keep doing to her; you stay by her side is what's kept her together. She would never admit it out loud to you but ever since you had entered her life, it was more of a blessing than anyone even realized. She continues to thank her lucky stars every day once the two of you are together. You are more than she could have ever imagined, and she'll do whatever she can to protect you because there's a lot that goes on in town

Marcel

After Klaus pulled his siblings out of town after the fire and the Mikaelson's thinking he was dead, losing Rebekah... he never thought he'd get the happy ending he wanted. But then, he was out at his favorite bar, trying to charm the pants off Camille (yet again) and you waltzed in, changing his life for the better. He never knew why his heart was so full and pounding so hard until Elijah told him. Finding out that mates were a thing? He was... safe to say pleased because like the man who treated him like a son always said, a king must have a queen (or king, in some cases). And you, my dear, are his royal highness lover from now until death and that could take a while. He will always do whatever he can to give you whatever you want to keep you happy and satisfied. He wants you to feel like you can rely on him for anything and everything, which kind of makes him look like a sugar daddy with all the new things he buys you