#hard drive failure
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HI! UM...
My external hard drive died.
My entire livelihood is on there, including my comic Senhyakkin, a lot of files crucial to an RPG Maker Project I've been working on, Commission details, and so, SO much more.
I am arranging to get the hard drive shipped out for data recovery, but I've been told it's going to cost anywhere between $1000 - $6000 USD, depending on file size and urgency. Considering that this is a 3TB drive and the stuff on there is, y'know, my livelihood, I am terrified of knowing what the final amount will be...
but it has to be done. I have to get my files back.
I am NOT interested in starting a GoFundMe-- I do not trust it whatsoever. But if anyone is willing to pitch in for the data recovery fee to, like... yknow... prevent Senhyakkin from being ended prematurely... I have the following options:
KO-FI. Even a tiny donation counts!
PATREON. Even if it's just $1 for 1 month! It will still help!
COMMISSIONS! I'm completely open for commissions and would be extremely grateful to anyone who even wants a tiny illustration from me!
I'm not sure how things are going to go. I will try to keep updates on the situation going on this blog and on Twitter, if anyone is interested/concerned.
Thank you for reading.
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My computer’s hard drive is in its last leg. 9 years of files including my month long work on my comic is in a scary place right now….
And obviously I have nothing backed up. It’s got an appointment today at the Genius Bar, so hopefully…. We’ll be able to do something…. I just don’t wanna lose it. Not any of it, but ESPECIALLY not that…
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Click, click, click
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🍷
#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking#they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly#keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time#bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy#but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point#bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be#proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is#yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol#and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao#and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel#i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks#why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls#and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others#but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on#ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives#so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok#ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down#i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal#like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve#i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that#i still feel depressed tho <3#idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to#i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk#im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol
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not enough appreciation for zenki and goki in this world i think
#even if one of them did go through a full hard drive failure and had to be reinstalled#they should be appreciated#(these two are rather obviously carrion crows rather than large-billed crows. of course.)#(i like that she calls them cute too.)
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So I'm going through my brain pan and I'm going through a scenario (not necessarily a What If) but if Dani went a "Black Suit Spidey" route...
Would she team up with Venom after being impaled the first time or..would she go anti-venom? Because for her, taking on the symbiote to bond with would take something extreme to happen in her life. ie. death, end of the world, changing point
Anti-Venom is a byproduct of having had Venom previously so..does that mean Dani developed the white blood cells to bond with something like that? Do Venom strands just warp your blood?
She really would have to be at the end of her rope to merge with any symbiote offspring too (sorry Andi/Flash/MJ but fuck you Cletus)
#*stars shattered#having Spidey thoughts#death of a mentor or loved one would REALLY drive her into a hard depressive state#a state of “failure”
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first try
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i will beat the depression slump... i will beat it.... i will........ (sobs)
#doing anything just feels like it takes more energy than i can imagine right now#which feels stupidddddd because all i want to do is engage in my hobby#it should not be that hard to start a task i know ill like#but it feels insurmountable#and i know what it is! im not ignorant to that! and i know i should give myself the grace about it#but i feel like i get so little done even on a good day that doing even less feels like a failure i cannot stand#and theres nothing i can do to change that feeling#nyxtalks#and i guess i keep thinking about all the other things on my list. gifs. replies. charms. write up my infinite ideas. something. anything#i have too much on my plate and i served myself#and those are just the fun things. chores. i gotta learn to drive. basic self care#and instead. i lie here not even having a fun waste of time time
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bro i’m so sick of being mentally ill like this shit is so annoying bc why i am literally incapable of passing 4 courses in one semester. and mind you i have pretty much no social life and did one extracurricular this semester and exactly zero last year. what do you mean my friends go to parties on weekends and have jobs on campus and also hobbies and free time?
#like seriously wtf#i hate you executive dysfunction i hate you time blindness i hate you adhd paralysis i hate you depression#cause here’s the thing: i don’t want to be miserable anymore!!!#i hate feeling like this all the time i hate it so much#it feels like i’m wasting my life#bc every class i sign up for is one that im genuinely interested in and want to do the work and learn the content and engage w the material#and then when i inevitably can’t keep up w the workload i beat up on myself so much about it#bc in my mind academic failure and success is directly tied to whether or not i am a good person#so yeah i don’t feel great about passing 1/4 classes this semester#ok technically 1/3 bc i withdrew from the one course but like that still puts me a credit behind! and it feels like a failure anyway!#i got a c+ in the one i passed and im getting an incomplete so i can pass the other#but i’m gonna b honest i gave up on the third class#and like. idk i don’t wanna say im not a quitter bc i totally am and im not normally super ashamed of that i don’t think?#but i’m having a rlly hard time telling myself that it’s ok#that it’s ok that i gave up. it’s ok that i failed. it’s ok that i didn’t have it in me this time#but i’m trying#anyways#i’m real tired#but i drive home today!#excited for 6 weeks off#i find myself wishing things were different so often lately#i just hope next semester is better
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This is a reminder to make sure you back up your laptop, computer, phone, and other devices.
Computer hardware is fickle and when it goes wrong it could be expensive.
#lighthouse posting#My hard drive just died#firmware failure is the cause#it's going to cost me £630 to get it recovered#and they aren't even providing a replacement drive as part of the price#going to be buying a bunch of chonky backup drives today#just so that this never happens again
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Modded Left 4 Dead Screenshots Volume 12
#note: The computer I mainly play L4D2 on had a hard drive failure so these will release even slower on top of me ignoring Tumblr in general#modded l4d2 screenshots#modded l4d2 team#Bowser Jr.#Left 4 Dead 2#L4D2#Teruteru Hanamura#Goro Akechi
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The thought of going to college is filling me with immense despair and I’m half thinking of dropping out
#I cant do this anymore godammit#i want to SCREAM#I know shipping characters won’t pay the bills but I wish it did#I just wish things weren’t hard anymore I want to play on easy mode. a tutorial mode even. I just. don’t want to do this anymore#I don’t want to! I cant! i cannot!!!! I am sick of disappointing people! I’m sick SICK SICK OF IT!#just another month I’ll be through with this I say#gosh I just need to hold out for just that much longer#I hate when people keep expectations from me! I hate it! Stop it!! stop telling me that I have the ‘capacity to do well’ I don’t! I am#exhausted and average at best! there is nothing I am outstanding in! I am just average! stop stop stop stop expecting that I’ll do something#remarkable in life when I’m just looking forward to dying as soon as possible! stop it! stop it!!#it drives me insane I want to punch a wall it’s driving me INSANE#I am average at everything ok? I’ve made my peace with it. I’m not destined for greater things. I’m studying for a pretty worthless degree.#I don’t even want this degree. I didn’t even choose it. I don’t want to do it. I don’t! I really don’t.#it drives me insane whenever people tell me that I don’t give my 100% in my academics. yes I don’t. I don’t because if I do I will self#destruct. last time I gave it my all I became so severely depressed that I quit everything I quit doing everything I loved. it was horrible#I gave it my all in the way people want you to and the whole time I was suffering and then I failed#it really does affect you when you for once try your absolute best and the result you get is worse than if you didn’t try at all#I was better off slacking. so ever since I’ve done the bare minimum and come to terms with the fact that I am average at best and I’m much#better off being average at best instead of being an absolute failure after doing my absolute best#they say that school doesn’t matter in the long run I hope it’s true because those scars haven’t faded still#the brain damage was irreparable#eugh I hate it here#delete later
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[incomprehensible] the one video game i can imagine batman playing and enjoying is Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
#notoriously hard game where you obsessively pursue the same objective#and all progress is lost with a single moment of carlessness#all the while you hear clips of poems on frustration bitterness and loss#and the developer monologues at you about the endless pursuit of challenge and the obsessive drive to overcome something#and the way you need some kind of taste for failure in order to be the kind of person that would enjoy a game like this#air's comics tag#hang on carlos reminded me he canonically likes fighting games. post cancelled#i know you love learning patterns. autistic king
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I'm just... I'm so angry at Square Enix right now, for them blaming Final Fantasy XVI for their loss of shares.
I could get into it, but I'm trying not to: I'm trying to breathe and calm down.
But I worry that this might not bode well for Square Enix's future, perhaps, or at least the future of the Final Fantasy series. *bites nails*
#it's like: yeah. let's just blame ffxvi overall and not some of the *admittedly* dumb decisions we made with it (like making it a ps5#exclusive) that surely made it sell not as well as it could have#you know they're going to make a hard left turn now and not do a ton of the things that ffxvi did--that WERE good choices--thinking those#were the failure#instead of looking at the bad BUSINESS decisions#i swear that square enix as a company drives me so insane. they never learn#there's even a teeny tiny part of me that's worried that this COULD be the last ff now#surely not right? and really i don't feel that way#BUT console gaming is extremely dead in japan. and they were saying that they didn't know if there'd be another ff after this#i saw that as sort of pr talk. to try to get people to really buy this game#and. again: i really doubt they'd sink their flagship series#but if nothing else. you know they're probably going to make stupid decisions with it now because of this#for one thing: they just have unrealistic expectations most of the time (and it seems like they spent way too much money on this game. whic#again: they could have moreso recovered if it wasn't a ps5 exclusive)#and it's that kind of thing that stops them from taking chances on games like twewy and nier for forever#like... stopping spending so much on games. and aiming for the sky. and make some cheaper games that don't cost a fortune and maybe go from#there#or do both. like some that are like that and some that aren't. like your aaa games#and watch them even MORESO double down on the nft garbage after this. i swear
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wish i could find that lost RPG Maker game (the fishermen and the worm) for romeo... i think it'd be playable on EasyRPG so it'd be sick to play it on a portable system false it's a VX Ace game
#silly storie#it is frustrating not to remember where i had something downloaded + i've experienced multiple hard drive failures so it's just goddamn
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you know, after all these years, absolutely nothing calms me down nearly as well as the song “quiet” from the matilda musical
#singing it or listening to it#but singing along with it is the best it’s the transition from ‘everything everything is’ to ‘quiet…’ that does it for me#just spent twenty minutes crying because for the first time all semester i just don’t want to go to student teaching tomorrow#and i was like panic attack crying and was scared i wouldn’t be able to drive home for awhile so i played quiet on repeat and sang along and#it was so messy and i barely managed to get the first half of the song out but then it was magical the way my panic attack just. diminished.#and like yeah i was still crying but it wasn’t harsh scary can’t breathe crying it was gentle quiet crying#idk that song just. gets to me. it rally fricking gets to me.#i don’t wanna go tomorrow i feel like a fricking failure and like the worst student teacher ever and ik that’s not fair to say but this past#week was really hard with the kids and gaining their respect like i’ve been trying so hard to be nice and they just laugh at me and they’re#better than this - they didn’t do this before and all i can think is ‘am i going to do a disservice to dickinson too?’#i don’t want to let my teacher down#idk#i’m sorry#i just like. couldn’t breathe ten minutes ago and grace is asleep so. i came here#idk maybe i’ll delete this later#or at least the tags🤪
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