#happy bleeders everyone <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[motley-cunt]

beefiest sweeney todd in in the universe I guess

[beachy--head]

Hey Cha! Feel free to ignore this, but could I request a drabble of Jackson reacting to April dyeing her hair back to its natural red colour? Like maybe she visits family and comes back with red hair and it surprises him (or something). I for sure think he had some thoughts™ about it!

It's okay if not, I love your writing and your blog either way, and have a fantastic day 😊

I'm so happy you sent this request, because I have the same headcanon about April's red hair (that it's her natural color and she dyed it brown to blend in). Thank you so much for your support and kind comments, and I hope you'll like this one! <3

___

“Have you seen April?”

Jackson looks up from the chart he’s signing to face a frantic, out-of-breath Lexie. 

“No, but she’s supposed to come back from her family holiday today, though.”

Lexie nods fervently. 

“I know that, I bumped into her this morning. She changed her hair, and I may have said something like ‘it’s such a big change!’, but like, in a positive way! But now she’s having second thoughts, so you have to tell her her hair is perfect the way it is, because it suits her, and I don’t want to be responsible for one of her freak-outs.”

Jackson rolls his eyes.

“Newsflash, Lex, I’m a guy. We don’t care about haircuts. I’m not going to see April and pretend I’ve noticed she cut 1 inch of her hair.”  

“You know what? You suck, Avery.”

Lexie gives him a dirty look and scuttles back to an exam room. He shakes his head and goes back to his chart. What does Lexie think he and April talk about? 

“Hi!”

He doesn’t need to look up to recognize his best friend’s cheerful voice. April smiles at him, in the familiar way he’s now used to, like she’s genuinely happy to see him, and he can’t help but smile back. Her surgical gown and scrub cap indicate that she’s fresh out of surgery, and she confirms it (a double bypass, lucky her) before removing her cap in one smooth movement, freeing her hair.

Her newly bright red hair.

Oh.

“Uh.”

Catherine Avery has raised him better than this, but he can’t help but stare at her. 

“You’re okay?”

Her green eyes, the perfect contrast to the red, look at him with concern, and he shakes his head to get his head straight. 

“Yeah, yeah. How was your trip?”

“Good! The flight was awful, but I managed to see everyone, and…,” and as April recounts her vacation, he observes, mesmerized, as she runs her hand through her hair, untangling the knots her scrub cap has made. When she frowns, though, he realizes he has not listened to a single word she said.

“You’re staring.”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at me for the past minute, and it’s becoming creepy. Do I have something on my face? Wait, it’s not blood, isn’t it? Ugh, I know Cristina oriented that bleeder towards me during surgery.”

“What? No, sorry, I drifted off. Come on, let’s get lunch.”

Lexie finds them in the cafeteria a few minutes later, and what he’s supposed to do is study for the cleft palate surgery Sloan is letting him scrub in later that day. Not give furtive glances to his friend and eavesdrop on Lexie and April’s conversation  – well, on April’s rambling about how she wanted not to stand out in med school with bright red hair, so he guesses the hair change topic is back on. 

“Being another brunette just seemed easier, and my sisters were livid when I did it, which honestly was a bonus,” and every time she talks about her sisters, Jackson finds himself extremely glad he never had any siblings. “My mother is happy I went back to red though, she said we should always go with our God-given color and that my hair was red for a reason.” 

He doesn’t know April’s mother, but he completely agrees with her. Red suits her, way more than the brown hair did, and why is he even thinking about this? 

“I’m not sure about it though, sometimes I think the red is still too much. Do you think I should dye it back?”

He’s lucky Lexie is quick to reassure his friend that her hair is fine, because he doesn’t think that the indignant “No!!!” he had to bite back would have been a useful contribution to the conversation. Since when does a guy care about their friend’s hair color? 

Sneaking one last glance to April, he goes back to his book and reads a sentence about temporary stitches for what must be the fourth time.

He figures his new staring habit would last just a few days, the time to get used to her more vibrant hair (the perfect match to what he knows his best friend is), but it’s now been three weeks, and if anything, he notices her more, which is probably because of the brighter color (or so he tells himself). In the hospital crowd, his eyes find her more often than not, usually when she’s not even aware of his presence, and he’s had time to study all the ways the light reflects on her locks. Not that he would admit it to anybody, but he studies her, the way one studies a work of art, trying to absorb the slightest nuances, and it unnerves him. It’s just a hair color. 

“Avery! Back me up here!”

Alex’s voice brings him back to reality, and he realizes he’s, once again, drifted off the second April entered the room.

“What?”

“Pippi Longstocking here wants us to study tonight and practice for our fellowship interviews. We’re watching the game, right?”

April rolls her eyes.

“Well, fine by me, Karev. Just because you don’t have any hospitals wanting you doesn’t mean we can’t prepare.”

Alex grunts, a sure sign the insult landed, and April smirks, proud of herself, a sight Jackson finds adorable (or something similar a grown man should feel towards his best friend). She takes a hairband, ties her hair in a knot, leaving a few strands of hair fall on her exposed neck, and the staring comes back with a vengeance, followed by a lip twitch. 

Uh.

Fixating on a friend’s hair is completely normal, right?

Right?

[justjasper]

60 Alkaline Trio Lyrics Writing Prompts

What do I do with these? Write something inspired by one of them! Get your followers to send you a prompt for you to write for!

Themes: love, death, substance abuse, suicide, violence

Kiss You to Death

1. I don't care if we fuck or we talk or we cry

Every Thug Needs a Lady

2. Right now you're all that I recognise

Over and Out

3. Please tell my wife I loved her more than life itself

This Could Be Love

4. I've got some mad ideas involving you and me

Cringe

5. You were the last good thing I ever saw

Pocket Knife

6. I've been waiting here so long // For someone just like me

Clavicle

7. I want to wake up naked next to you // Kissing the curve of your clavicle

Mr Chainsaw

8. Found out recently that you were leaving // For good I hope, I softly tell my ceiling

You're Dead

9. But I now have nothing but your heartbeat in my head

Enjoy Your Day

10. I hope he bought you roses

Steamer Trunk

11. I love you so I told you, but it didn't matter much

Dead on the Floor

12. We felt so good together // It was way too good to be

Continental

13. Ran out of time, no kiss goodbye

One Last Dance

14. Beyond repair, the damage that I did

Kick Rocks

15. You had nowhere to go, so you came right back here

Sorry About That

16. Maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken-hearted

Midnight Blue

17. I had nobody but you

This is Getting Over You

18. Today I woke up younger than I've been in years

Bleeder

19. My heart bleeds for what you never did

Calling All Skeletons

20. I've come to love your disappearing act // Do one more pretty please

Blue in the Face

21. I don't dream since I quit sleeping // And I haven't slept since I met you

Radio

22. I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling

Dethbed

23. They tried everything and everyone but you

One Hundred Stories

24. I'm dying just to feel you breathe

My Friend Peter

25. I don't care who you've been sleeping with these days

Sweet Vampires

26. This love-hate is making me cry

I Lied My Face Off

27. It's never fine when you go away

Love Love, Kiss Kiss

28. Do you curse the happy couple?

Crawl

29. Never had a drink that I didn't like // Got a taste of you, threw up all night

Cooking Wine

30. Sorry I'm late, I was out spoiling my liver

Off the Map

31. I'm like a junkie for your smart mouth

San Francisco

32. And I was drinking you goodbye

Fine

33. It's ironic that I drink to make my insides stop hurting

I'm Dying Tomorrow

34. Take lots of pills, commit irreversible sins

Back to Hell

35. Like the pills in your hand, I'll never let you down

This Addiction

36. I once tried to kick this addiction // I swear I'll never kick again

Trouble Breathing

37. You said tonight is a wonderful night to die

While You're Waiting

38. I'm not crying wolf, you whisper // I'm really dead this time

Sadie

39. Play dead dear, it's your only hope of pulling through

Only Love

40. You're dying when you start thinking like that

Do You Wanna Know?

41. My spine is slipping like a fault line // If I go I'll bury us all

Eating Me Alive

42. The end of me was so beautiful

Queen of Pain

43. I've never seen scars like yours

Burn

44. Everyone learns faster on fire

Trucks and Trains

45. Some hit so hard you barely feel a thing

Is This Thing Cursed?

46. My haunted head aches so much worse

Your Neck

47. We'll do our very best to keep our appetites in check

Emma

48. Note on the bed stand signed in blood: Sincerely, never coming back

I Was A Prayer

49. To a hopeless cause I sold my soul

Hell Yes

50. You watched all my dreams come apart at the seams

Take Lots With Alcohol

51. I have no desire to see through my own eyes any more

Trouble Breathing

52. Cause things they never work out right

Help Me

53. You left all the lights burning but nobody's home

Prevent This Tragedy

54. I'm begging you, stop praying for me

If You Had a Bad Time

55. If you're up to your ears in blood sweat and wasted years // I'm hoping you're going to open your throat and just scream

Balanced on a Shelf

56. A somewhat inviting very different kind of hell // To live without ever looking at yourself

Settle For Satin

57. You'll never dream again, but you can pray

Every Thug Needs a Lady

58. I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer

If We Never Go Inside

59. A train appeared in town one night // For some of us it saved our lives

Song For Julie

60. I was wrong when I said things never turn out right

[she-karev]

Trying to Get Pregnant (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Five

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 18 Episode 17/Season 5 Episode 17

Summary: Andrew discovers a devastating diagnosis on Link’s patient. Amber helps take care of a patients baby at the station where Jo overhears her talking about trying to get pregnant.

Words: 1764

February 18th, 2022

Andrew is in the final stages of breaking through the intestinal wall to allow him access into the infected section of the small intestine. Link is assisting and making sure that Andrew covers the steps to the general attendings annoyance.

“Okay now use the cautery pen-”

“To break through the wall and allow us visual access into the small intestine.”

Link nods and probes more, “Right and the scans show the tumor-”

“Around the lower ileum I know and assuming the tumor isn’t wrapped around any major organs I put clamps on both sides of the diseased tissue and resect it. After I resect the tumor I use the GIA stapler to connect the two ends of the small bowel together. Is that a good enough plan or do you want to hover some more?” Andrew’s tone makes it known that he is getting agitated by Link undermining him.

Link looks at his friend blankly seeing he is pushing it, “You want me to back off?”

“If you please.” Andrew continues his surgery when his phone rings by the surgical tray that the scrub nurse picks up.

“It’s your wife Dr. DeLuca.”

“Put her on speaker.” The nurse does that and Andrew speaks to Amber from his position, “Hey babe what’s up?”

Amber speaks from the phone inside the ambulance at Station 19, “Hey quick question, how do you feel about having sex in the back of an ambulance?”

Andrew’s eyes widen in shock as the whole OR hears that with Link looking at him in shock before chuckling under his breath to not give himself away to Amber.

DeLuca chuckles uneasily before breaking it to Amber, “You’re on speaker with OR 3.”

Amber frowns at that, “Oh…that would have been nice to know before I humiliated myself.” Andrew grins at her bashfulness, “Well it’s too late now so might as well continue. The gurneys aren’t as uncomfortable as they look and assuming nobody get’s hurt we have an ambulance all to ourselves when we get off shift.”

“And as a former EMT I should tell you ambulances carry more than one communicable disease in between calls. I mean it’s the reason ambulance chasers are employed.”

“Fair enough, I just thought we could spice things up a bit but a trip to the isolation bubble might stop it short.” Amber hears someone calling out to her outside the ambulance, “I gotta go babe, I’ll see you at home, I love you.”

“I love you too bye.” The nurse hangs up the phone and Link looks at Andrew in amusement causing him to grin, “Sorry about that.”

“No it’s fine man you and Amber are still in the honeymoon phase a year later which makes me bitter but I am choosing to be happy for you two. Do you want to continue?”

Andrew nods and finally has access to the small intestine that shows the tumor is worse than the scans showed, “Damn it. It's wrapped around the vascular structures.”

Link looks at the tumor in sadness for his patient, “I see it.”

Andrew sighs and puts away the tools, “Okay, everyone, change of plan. We're gonna divert the bowel, buy him a little more time, make him more comfortable.”

Link is surprised at this course, “No, no. Hold on, you're not gonna resect any of it?”

“The tumor is wrapped around major bleeders, even taking out a small portion could make him bleed out, it’s too risky.”

“So he's just supposed to live with this in his bowel?”

“I didn't put the tumor in there, Link.” Andrew bitterly reminds him.

Link is still mad, “So you're just gonna close him up with a stool bag and that's it?”

“The other option is I close him without doing anything. He's dying, Link. I’m sorry.” Link looks down sad, “This will help him with his pain. He'll live a better life, even if it's just for a few weeks.”

Link sighs, “He wants to meet his son.”

Andrew closes his eyes feeling sympathy for Simon knowing how much he wants to have a child as well but keeps his emotions in check, “Okay. Let's prep for an ileostomy.”

Later at Station 19

Amber enters the exam room in her lab coat and casual clothes holding a tablet for the lab results. Her patient is a three-month-old newborn baby boy named Conor who came in with his mother, Sara, after crying all night and presenting with a fever this morning. Sara is young and working on becoming an accountant while her boyfriend is a truck driver who spends most of his time on the road. The mom rocks the crying baby up and down as Amber enters the room.

“The labs came back. Conor has RSV, it’s a virus common on babies it affects the breathing mainly.”

Sara looks at her baby in panic, “Oh my god, is he gonna be okay?”

“RSV typically goes away after two weeks with at home treatment. You should give him fluids so he doesn’t get dehydrated, fit his room with a humidifier so the mucus in his nose can break up, and give him infant Tylenol for the fever.” Amber writes down instructions on the tablet, “Now if none of that works, go to Grey Sloan memorial and ask for Dr. Alex Karev. He’s the chief of pediatric surgery and he’ll do an antibiotic drip on Conor to flush his system of the infection.”

Sara sighs as she holds the baby, “I don’t have insurance, I’m trying to finish school so I can get a job and my boyfriend is trying to find his footing.”

“Don’t worry I know him personally, he’s not in it for the money he’s in it to make sure boys like Conor can go home healthy and happy.” The mom looks relieved by that as Amber prints the instructions. Conor begins to calm down causing Amber to smile at him, “Can I ask you, what are babies like at Conor’s age?”

Sara exhales, “Oh you know, they eat, cry, poop, not sleep and then rinse and repeat. Do you have kids?”

“Um no not yet.” Amber says longingly, “My husband and I just started trying and I am anxious for the stick to be positive. I’m impatient by nature.”

“So am I.” The mom grins, “But this little guy has helped me a lot in that department. It turns out a crying baby can help you be friendly towards awful customers who claim I put a cockroach in their food.”

“That will definitely help me with the next patient I have who thinks they know more about medicine that I do.”

Sara chuckles, “Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”

Amber thinks for a moment, “Honestly? I’m fine with either. I grew up with two older brothers so a part of me yearned for a girl I can relate to. But as much as I complain about them, I got used to being around boys, so it helps prepare me if I have one. And I don’t really care as long as my baby is happy and healthy.”

“It sounds like you got this then.” Sara’s phone rings inside her purse slung over her shoulder that she tries to reach but can’t with Conor in her arms, “I’m sorry can you hold him for minute? It might be his dad calling to check on us.”

Amber is taken back but nods, “Yeah sure I need the practice anyway.” Sara puts the baby in Amber’s arms and the young doctor takes him outside the tent where she smiles at the cute baby, “Hi, how are you? Do you think you might be a firefighter or a doctor? I strongly recommend doctor, don’t tell the other firefighters.”

Jo exits the tent next door and approaches her sister-in-law with a grin, “Cute baby.”

“Thanks, it’s my patients, she’s talking to her boyfriend over the phone. I am watching this little cutie in the meantime. I gotta say this place is a lot more relaxing than the hospital. Maybe I missed my calling at the fire station.”

Jo smiles holding the baby’s tiny hand, “Well firefighters don’t get to work while pregnant. It’s the one advantage you have as a resident when the time comes.”

Amber’s eyes widen at that, “How did you find out? Did DeLuca tell you?”

“Nope you did.” Jo informs her with a happy smile, “The tents are thin and I was right next door treating a sprained ankle when you told Sara about you and Andrew trying to have a baby.”

Amber groans at that, “I knew we should have sprung for cubicles.”

Jo squeals in joy, “I can’t believe it you’re gonna be a mom, I’m gonna be an auntie. This is amazing!”

Amber chuckles at Jo’s excitement, “Calm down please, we literally started trying last night so it could be a while before we see results.”

“Still aren’t you guys excited? I mean you’re gonna be parents.”

Amber looks at the baby in her arms with a grin, “Yeah, we’re pretty happy to start this new chapter of our lives.”

Jo squeezes Amber’s arm in joy, “Seriously though Luna is the best thing that happened to me and Alex. I hope everything works out and you guys get a little bundle of joy of your own.”

“Me too.” Amber rocks the baby in her arms before she realizes she needs to clarify things with Jo, “Listen you’re the only one who knows about this so we would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself until we’re ready to tell people.”

“You guys haven’t told anyone? Not even Carina?”

“I love her as much as a I love you as a sister but ever since she started hormone treatments she’s been agitated at every inconvenience. I don’t want her pissed off at me because I’m trying when I’m young and don’t need a turkey baster to conceive. God knows I’m never gonna hear the end of it until I pop out a kid.”

Jo nods, “Yeah when I was on her service, she told me I was wiping a baby wrong. I get it and if she tells me that she’s finally pregnant I will tell you, so it’ll soften the blow when you tell her about your attempts at having a baby.”

“You are the best seriously.” Sara approaches Amber free handed and she hands Conor back to her and the young mom leaves the fire station. Amber and Jo go back to their other patients.

Next Part Here

[deanstead]

One Plus One

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request by anon: hiiii! can i request a jay halstead x reading imagine where the reader get's hurt on a case and is in critical condition. they've already been dating for about 2-3 years. they take her to chicago med and will or connor is the one that operates on her. she ends up pulling through. whoever operates on her accidentally spoils the news that BOTH the reader and the baby are okay. jay gets emotional, happy ending, maybe marriage proposal? please and thank you so much!!!

Word Count: 1,076

Warnings: pregnancy, mentions of blood/injury, angst, fluff

A/N: First try at pregnancy mentions in a fic, so I hope this turned out okay! Please hit me up and let me know what yall think! Hoping the tags work!

---

“Y/N!”

Jay’s voice sounded faint, as if it was coming from a long distance away.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” You struggled to focus on Jay, the sound of his voice and the image of his face swam a little in front of you.

“Y/N! Look at me, you stay with me, you hear me?”

Your face felt swollen, you weren’t sure what hurt because it hurt everywhere. Had there been a gun? Or had the suspect simply overpowered you? You didn’t know, everything felt heavy and you could barely make out Jay hovering above you.

Jay’s voice got more and more muffled, as if you were sinking deeper underwater.

“No no, baby stay with me, don’t you give up on me Y/N!”

That was the last thing you heard before the darkness pressed in around you.

---

Jay paced in the waiting room as he looked up at the clock again. Was the surgery supposed to take this long?

“Jay.” Will called as he entered the waiting room.

Jay’s head snapped up, landing on his older brother. “Will, can you check on her, please?” Jay asked, a look in his eyes that Will hadn’t seen before.

Will swallowed back a reassurance and nodded, disappearing towards the direction of the operating rooms.

Jay looked around at the waiting room which was full of their team members but only he was too anxious to sit still.

The both of you had been partners until two years ago when Voight decided that the two of you worked better with different partners given your romantic relationship. Jay hadn’t been thrilled but you had convinced him that it was okay and that it’d be better.

“Jay.” Adam put a hand on his shoulder.

“Where were you?” Jay demanded, turning to face Adam. “You were supposed to have her back, how could you let this happen?”

Everyone else looked up and Kevin stood, wondering if he should break it up.

“Jay, I…”

“You’re her partner!” Jay raised his voice a little. Everyone could tell Jay was struggling to keep it together. Considering everything, Jay was already holding back because deep down he knew that Adam would never knowingly put you in danger. And even Adam seemed to know that.

Just as the tension seemed to be climbing in the waiting room, Will and Connor opened the door.

Jay spun around, making a beeline for Connor, as Voight stepped up as well.

“We controlled the bleeder, everything looks okay, they’re both fine.” Connor reassured Jay.

Jay’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Both?” No one else had been hurt today, everyone else was sitting in the waiting room with Jay, waiting on news about you.  

Connor nodded. “Yeah, Y/N and the baby are both fine. The fetus is stable.”

The words bounced around the waiting room.

“Jay, you could have told me.” Will said, smiling.

Connor continued to study Jay. “You didn’t know?”

“You’re sure?” Jay asked now, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Connor smiled. “Congratulations.”

---

Jay was still in a state of shock.

Had you known? Why didn’t you tell him? There were a thousand questions racing through Jay’s mind but he pushed it all to the back of his mind as Connor came back in to let him know that he could go in to see you again. Jay had already been to look in on you after the surgery when you were still unconscious. Connor was now here to let Jay know that you were awake and had gone through the cognitive tests with no issues.

“Hey stranger.” Jay called, leaning on the door frame at the entrance to your recovery room.

You smiled back at him, as you lay propped up in bed. You could see it in his eyes, his worried expression still looming over him.

You stretched out your arm, beckoning him to come closer.

Jay smiled and moved forward, fitting his hand into yours and scooting as close as he could to you. He was silent for a while, just watching you, as if he was committing you to memory.

“Jay?” You probed, “I’m okay.”

“Did you know?” Jay finally opened his mouth, asking the one question that was weighing on his mind.

You frowned a little in confusion before you realised what he was really asking. You let your gaze fall. “I wasn’t sure.” You whispered. “Until now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jay asked.

You shrugged. “I had a negative and a positive. I just wasn’t sure. I was planning to come to Med to get tested but we got hit with the case this morning and I just…” You paused again, watching Jay and for the first time in a long time you weren’t able to get an accurate read on him.

“And I didn’t know if…” You paused.

“Y/N, I love you. There’s nothing in the world that would change that.”

You smiled. “I know. I just… I wasn’t sure if this was in your plans, yet. A baby changes everything Jay, like it or not. And I wasn’t sure if…”

Jay leaned forward, interrupting with you a kiss.

“Anything that has to do with you is in my plans.” Jay whispered.

A moment of silence passed between the two of you before Jay gently put a hand on your stomach.

“A baby, huh?” He muttered. When he looked back up, you saw a twinkle of tears in his eyes.

You smiled and put a hand up to his face. “You sure about this?”

Jay raised his hand to cover yours. “There’s no one else in the world that I would want to do this with. Ever.”

Jay suddenly straightened up. “Look, this is so not where I wanted to do this.”

Your eyebrows unconsciously scrunched together. “Do what?”

Jay gently pulled himself away from you, reaching into his pocket. Before you knew what was happening, Jay was down on one knee beside your hospital bed.

“Jay…”

“Y/N, will you marry me?” Jay’s green eyes were shining.

You stared at him.

“Baby, say something.” Jay said. You could see his green eyes growing more doubtful.

“I promise you, this has less to do with the baby than the fact I can’t think of anyone else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with.” Jay blabbered. “Do you think I carry a ring around in my pocket everyday?”

You cracked a smile.

“Of course, I’ll marry you.” You whispered.​

[potatosoldier]

Are you still there?

/ Part 3 /

Later in the chapter, the medic names are made up from the fact that what names were common!

The following morning was interesting indeed. Lewis had been very productive and gotten me PT gear and my WAC dress greens, which included a hobby jacket, “garrison” cap and a pretty skirt. I was extremely grateful, until he gave me my OD’s, which of course were made for men. The issue of being unhappy didn’t come to place until he saw me in them. And he laughed so loud it startled the men who wear near our barrack. 

“Oh my, my, you look like you’re gonna spread your wings and take off like a flying squirrel”, he snorts coming over to me and playfully flaps the sides of my jacket. I look at him very unimpressed, and then quickly slap his hands away. But then sigh. “I should’ve kept the skirt”, I giggle. But all in all it isn’t so bad, I have my medics patch and good pants. They are a little tight on the hips, but nothing unbearable. 

And off we went, him escorting me to my first field exercise with Herbert Sobel. Oh boy. 

------------------

“Nurse Winters, what is the meaning of this, you look more unpresentable then any of these men!” 

The screaming of Sobel starts straight away as I stand with the men from the second platoon. “No excuse, sir”I say knowing he was commenting on my jacket. He looks ready to snarl, once again. “I’ll let you off, since you are only a woman after all, find a belt for tomorrow, or I will have to find an adequate punishment.” I just look ahead my eyes cold, so that’s how it is. “yes, sir.”

I feel like he assigned me with the second platoon just to torture my husband. And me. He was in for a surprise, if there was one thing me and Dick would not waver from, that was our duty. 

-------------------

I quickly started learning that I already had some knowledge to the matters we were going through. Enough for me at least. My main job for now was keep up with the men and when needed, have a plan on how to transport the “wounded” and if that was not possible, how to make a good long term plan for their health and the stamina and safety of the other men. 

I was thinking and whispering with Eugene Roe as two of our men: Joe Toye and “Popeye” Wynn were “wounded”. Joe had a shoulder wound and Popeye had an upper thigh wound. Both we’re now patched up with Popeye having a syrette tied to his jacket. 

“We have to take one man off the line, to help Popeye near the Jeep, and once we drag Joe far enough he can start walking. One of us has to stay here, in case there comes an urgent need for a medic”, I whisper. 

Roe looks at me little uncertain, but nods. “We’re gonna need to call the jeep towards the edge of the woods, but still near enough, we can’t wait too much, since Popeye’s wound is a heavy bleeder”, he backs up with his Louisiana drawl. 

We report our plan, and luckily, we get the knowledge that we just saved more than two men, we the good decision of one of staying near the line. 

“But Winters, Roe, next time call for back up, we need all the good men in the line, when someone needs to be carried, try and get help along with the jeep. Even if it feels obvious, remember clear orders”, Dick says nodding as he looks over our work. 

I feel pride swell up in my chest, not because we did surprisingly well, but because I got good objective critique. Learn, Sonja, learn everything you can. 

--------------------

When the maneuver is over,  everyone looks more or less annoyed. Sobel turned out to be the epitome of good in theory, terrible in practice. My thighs were also on fire, even if I had good physical training, the crouched running in high speed for surprisingly long distances is rough. 

“So, how does it feel now?”, Skip asks as we sit together to eat. I was once again chatting with Skip. It felt good to have people who actually reacted well to my arrival. 

Joe was apprehensive still, but yesterday when we talked, he realized that I was just a proper farm girl from Minnesota. Nothing fancy even I used pretty words, I was just a curious soul. 

I shrug: “I was scared it was going to be worse, with all you told me yesterday. Apart from the reprimands I got for my height and lack of muscle tone, I feel like I got very just treatment”, I smile and take a mouthful of the food on my plate. 

Skip snorts and looks at me like I had gone crazy. “The man screamed at you, because you aren’t able to carry a man thrice your size, but instead you dragged him, come on “, he shakes his head. I shrug once again. 

“I’m here to do a duty, I’m assigned with you because I was deemed fit, and if I want to be fit enough I have to work for it. He cannot let me off”, I explain my side. Sobel had yes screamed at me for dragging Denver Randleman when he was wounded, but Christ I was happy I was even able to move him. I knew I should do better, but for now I just need to work harder. 

Bill shakes his head : “You’re a fucking skirt, ain’t no man carrying Bull from this company either” And continues to shovel down his food. 

Skip grins at me. “you see Nurse Winters, we fight your corner, even if you are green and weak”. I glare at him playfully. I know that’s what most of the men thought, but Skip was not one of them. He really had been there for me today on the field. Him and Penkala. If I did something wrong, they quickly did something to make me correct it. 

But when it comes to others, it had been a tough day. Joe Liebgott was constantly on my neck, I heard the way he spoke about me, I heard the way him and some of his friends said I did not deserve my place here. In all honesty, I couldn’t blame him. I was a woman, it was easy for them to think that I was just some hussy who crawled up the right thigh. I needed to deserve my place here, i needed them to see that I was more then just big doe eyes and pinned up hair. 

“What will you do when we are jump training?”, he asks suddenly. I was not jumping into Normandy, so I was not taken in for the parachute training. I swallow quickly and answer: “I’ll be doing PT or then preparing at the hospital. I cannot believe how big that hospital is, it truly is wonder”

Skip smiles at my happiness. It was easy for me to talk to him like this. One-on-one. I was still too nervous to open my mouth when I was in the middle of all the men. “You really like helping people, huh”,he chuckles. 

I nod and continue eating quietly.

------------------

Couple weeks later, I was a new woman. I knew my routine and I was dedicated to make it perfect. I still had very few friends, but they all seemed to have accepted my presence at least. Skip was still my safety blanket among the men. Me and Richard had made the decision of being very chaste and professional, even in private. Lewis decided it was a good reason to tease us for being the epitome of purity, but we saw it as a fair and responsible thing to do. 

The men did not know about him being my husband either, for the record the army had so many people with the same name, that it was not surprising that they didn’t even suspect it. Although it was harder and harder for me every day to hear one nameless sergeant keep pestering people about my husbands calm and correct ways. 

Today was my day, well it was a field exercise designed for medics. Many simulated casualties so that we could practice our bandaging, improvising and so forth. 

“Come on, I’m wounded plant me just a little one”, George tried pursing his lips as I bandaged his leg, making a improvised splint. I shake my head and bring two of my fingers first onto my lips then plant them on his. 

“There you go”, I say as I finish the bandage. He looks at me in mock horror, “You just put your dirty fingers into my mouth!”, he gasps. I roll my eyes smiling. 

“I put them on your mouth, you’re wounded, you have bigger worries”, I reason and look at him like a mother would look at a misbehaved child. He just mouths words mockingly and pats my head like I was his best dog to torture. 

Then what I see next makes me freeze, some of the medics truly sedating Sobel. Oh Christ no. I stand up and job over to them. “What do you think you are doing?”, I ask sharply at the two medics, Webb and Jackson, who are now trying to pull down Herbert’s pants. 

“Fuck of broad”, they snort and try to keep going. I purse my lips and kneel next to them. “I may be a nurse, but I am a part of this company. You are risking this mans health, which goes against every vow you’ve made. You may think I am just an ignorant woman, who wants to play a soldier, but I’m here to do my job. You might not care about him, but this is not the way to go”, I quietly advice them. 

They look at me raising their eyebrows as if they had to care what I’m saying. Webb then shakes his head and snorts grasping the front of my collar to bring me closer. 

“Oi, hands off the lady Webb!”, comes a raspy voice. Behind us comes Joe Toye with a makeshift sling. Webb doesn’t move at first not thinking Joe could be series. 

But once Joe stands behind us and growls “What did I just say?”, the hand comes off right away. “Nurse Winters had the balls to tell you off. I don’t care the fuck you are doing to that on the floor, but you ain’t disrespecting her”, he says seriously while looking at Webb and Jackson both. 

“Sorry Winters”, they both mumble. I sigh and stand shaking my head. “Just don’t hurt him”, I whisper and go to help with the evacuating. 

Joe stops me before I can go. I smile at him tenderly ���Thanks for that Joe, it means a lot.” He shakes his head and one corner of his mouth raises up: “Just fighting for your corner, Bambi” 

I walk to the litters with a smile on my face. The nickname is ridiculous, but hey, I was finally fitting in. 

--------------------

“So no one reported?”, Nixon asks as we sit on our bunks. I shake my head: “Nope, I tried to tell them off Lew I really did”, I sigh and look at my hands. 

He chuckles: “Don’t say that anywhere else, they’ll ask you to identify”. The door opens and Dick steps in. Straight from the latrines. I smile at him in my PT gear. It felt nice, the shorts. I was not really a fan of anything restricting me from the waist down. Oh no Sonja, do not phrase things like that ever again. 

He smiles at me too and then does something surprising, he walks over to me and lays a kiss on my forehead. “You really impressed the men yesterday, I heard what you did”, he whispers. I shrug, it was nothing he wouldn’t have done. 

“Wanna plant one on me just as congrats?”, I ask in a tender whisper. He chuckles and gives me a sound kiss. I grin widely and take a look at my book Seitsemän veljestä. The Seven brothers, a Finnish novel. My brother send it to me one Christmas. Now the spine looked torn, Sobel had had his fun looking at it while throwing our things all over the place. When I saw the state of my books I almost cried. Luckily one of the soldiers from F-company, David was his name, was able to tell me where to get some cheap books. 

“You sicken me you know, ever since she came in you’ve become a freaking dog”, Lewis throws from his bed. Dick once again rolls his eyes and starts to neatly fold his clothing. “She is my wife, Nix. And we have been perfectly professional, you of all people know that”, he grunts taking his boots off. 

Nix chuckles, the sound a strange thing on it’s own. “I hit a nerve”, he sings and happily plops down once again.

And once again thank you @iilovemusic12us ❤️

[sorry-i-spaced]

Issues

Hawkeye is seen in the show as being a ladies man and quite the player. We know his mom died when he was just 10 and we know Caryle and Trapper both left without saying bye to Hawkeye. So I decided to play with the idea that he has abandonment and commitment issues because of this. I borrowed some of the dialogue from the episode “The More I see of You” in the beginning. 

“If you’d gone into medicine with the same lack of conviction as marriage”

“Your work is always going to be the single most important thing in your life”

“Maybe you would have needed me a little more”

“Doug was able to commit”

“Commit”

Lack of conviction”

“Work….important...lack of conviction”

“Commit”

“Hawk? Hawkeye? Earth to Hawkeye! Anybody up there?” waved a concerned BJ. 

“Huh? Oh,yeah, what?” shook Hawkeye as he came back to reality.

“Did you say something?” asked Hawkeye realizing he had zoned out big time. 

“Yea, I was asking if you wanted to get dinner. I heard Igor was sick of all the grief we gave him so he made an upside down dinner in retaliation.” 

Hawkeye sat there contemplating whether food was more important than wallowing in self pity for the way he let things get between Carlye and him.   

“Nah, I think I’m just going to nap. We are supposed to get a heavy influx of wounded by dawn and I want to catch up on sleep.” And with that BJ got up to leave and Hawkeye laid down in his army issued  mess of a cot and shut his eyes.

“Incoming wounded! All Medical and Surgical staff report for triage! Looks like it will a doozy” barked the PA system.

Opening his eyes Hawkeye threw his  pillow in the direction of  Beej. 

“Get up” he yelled. 

The red haired man rose (wait that’s not right Beej has blonde hair)

“Did you dye your hair and forget to tell me?” asked the raven haired man confused. 

“Not that I’m aware of” called back the other man as he was putting on his shoes. 

The two quickly ran out the door. 

In triage Hawk got right to work. 

“This one has a chest wound. Get some blood in him and get him prepped”

“This one can wait”

Hawkeye barked orders to the nurses. He got up and made a run for the O.R.

“Hawkeye! How goes it?” asked Klinger, who was running in the same direction as him.

Boom!

“Ahh!” yelped Klinger as he threw his head forcefully into the dirt. 

Hawkeye stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the man. Cocking his head to the side he says, “ Klinger, a landmine went off. You’re fine. Get your head out of the dirt this instant. Anybody looking on would think you're bucking for a section 8 again. By reason of ostrich.

“I’m not acting sir” deadpanned Klinger as he lifted his head, shaking the dirt out of his hair.

Hawkeye blinked and shook his head. Klinger was right, he was an ostrich through and through. 

“When did this happen?” he asked.

“I’ve always been one sir. You just couldn’t tell since I spend so much of my time in dresses confident I can get out of the Army. But to be honest I’m scared as shit. Scared of dying and scared I won’t ever return to Toledo the same as I left.” 

The two were now in the scrub room. Hawkeye was washing up. 

“So Beej dyes his hair and forgets to tell me and you're an ostrich?What else will happen today.” 

“Beej didn’t dye his hair. He is a robin.”

“A robin? As in the bird?” questioned Hawkeye as he patted his hands dry.

“He is a songbird. Yes. If you don’t believe me just look at him yourself.” 

The two had somehow ended up in the O.R and Hawkeye was at a table picking apart peacock feathers. Hawkeye looked up and to his surprise Beej was in fact a big fat plump red robin - complete with wings and a beak.

Looking at Klinger Hawkeye was left to wonder, “why?” 

“He left his baby girl very early on in her life.” 

Again Hawkeye had moved from the O.R back into the scrub room. These abrupt scene changes were getting awfully annoying. 

“We all left family to be dragged to this God Forsaken Hell Hole. Why should he be so special.”

“Well for much of the same reason that I’m scared he feels guilty about leaving during such a crucial part of his little girl's life.”

“My mom left me early on in life, I turned out fine.” Hawkeye spat back. 

Hawkeye who realized he was sitting on the bench leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. Pursing his lips together he began to ask more questions trying not to dwell on the fact his mom left him.

“So Beej is guilty and you're scared. Is there anyone else I should know about?”

Silence. Klinger was trying to figure out what to say. This was all coming out too fast. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. His job was to help propel the story along and these observations were supposed to happen naturally. Well as naturally as having birds operate on patients who just see the shell of the person not the bird. But no this man was too smart for even his unconsciousness. Finally he began to speak, slowly hoping he wouldn’t reveal too much.

“Our fearless leader Potter is a bald eagle because he is insecure in his talents. He is a career man - as I’m sure you’re aware of. But he lacks the knowledge of all these fancy techniques you young doctors seem to pick up so easily. Margaret is a puffin because all she wants to do is be accepted by everyone. Frank is a hummingbird because he is annoying as all shit and is very insecure due to it. Oh and you’re a peacock.” 

That got Pierce to shoot up like a bean pole.

“Wait! Aren’t you going to tell me why I’m a peacock?” his voice raised and wavered a bit. 

“Sorry sir, you’ll have to figure that one out on your own.

“What why? Klinger, you gotta tell me! Come on we know everyone else’s insecurities, why can’t I know my own?”

Klinger didn’t know how to respond. He knew he had 3 sets of 10 minutes and 1 set of an hour of time to try and get Hawkeye to learn why he is a peacock. But he also knew it was up to his subconscious to interact with his unconscious to help move the narrative. 

“Ow!” yelped Hawkeye breaking the silence. 

“What the hell was that?” 

Not even Klinger had an explanation.

All of sudden a flying pillow came out of nowhere. 

Klinger now understood what was happening. Someone was trying to wake Hawkeye. There little mental party would be ending soon. 

“Hawk” echoed a ghostly sound. 

“Why are you calling me a Hawk, I thought you said I was a peac-” 

His eyes shot open! Looking down at him were a pair of blue eyes. Beej

“What? What happened?” Hawkeye asked as he began to get up.

“Wounded” called Beej as he put on his converse. 

“Suction! So yea, don’t know what any of that means but thought I’d share my dream with the rest of the class,” said Pierce as he tried to stop a bleeder his patient had come in with. 

“That’s scary accurate. Especially my fear. How did you pin us all down like that?” called BJ concentrating on his own bleeder. 

“Pierce, are you good with birds? Seems like you pinned us to an appropriate matching bird” called Potter. 

Hawkeye was now working on closing up the patient, “I’ve gone bird watching with my dad back in Maine. One time when I was a kid, right when mom died, he decided to get his mind off her death he was going to do a Big Year. I would come along on bird watching expeditions during school breaks and weekends. But I still would like to know why I’m a peacock. Of all the birds to be.” called Hawkeye. 

“If it bugs you that much, why don’t you ask Sidney the next time he comes up for Poker.” said BJ when they were back in the Swamp. 

They were finally out of surgery and the two swamp rats were playing tennis with a blown up surgical glove they took from the scrub room. 

A week later, before Poker was supposed to take place, Sidney was set up in the VIP tent chatting with Hawkeye. 

“So you dreamt about everyone’s fears personifying and taking the form of birds? What do you think it means?” lead the Psychiatrist. 

“I don’t know Sidney, you tell me, you’re the expert on these types of things.” pleaded Hawkeye, who had taken up pacing around the tent. 

“Hawk, I want you to get to that conclusion yourself. It won’t be helpful if I do it for you.”

Hawkeye stopped pacing and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What do you want to hear. I want to be as helpful as possible. In my dream Klinger said basically the same thing.”

“Humor me and tell me about your childhood, that’s always a good place to start when talking about fears and issues,” claimed Sidney.

“My childhood. What do you wanna know” asked Hawkeye. 

“How was your relationship with your mom?” 

“Nonexistent. I’ve told you before she died when I was 10. Just been dad and I since then.” replied Hawkeye flatley.

“Do you have any resentment towards her dying?” pried Sidney.

“You know dad didn’t even tell me she was sick? He waited until she passed to come clean and tell me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I was angry for years. At her for getting sick and at dad for not having the decency to tell me she was sick. But I got over it. No hard feelings”

Rambled Hawk. 

“Ok, so issues from mom, how about dad?”

“Dad? Oh he was great! After mom died we became thick as thieves. He was the one who inspired me to go into medicine. He wasn’t too happy about it to be honest.” gleaned Hawk.

“I remember you telling me last time I was here that there was a nurse here that you had an old fling with. How did that end?”

“Caryle. I really don’t know what happened. We were living together during residency you know.”

Raising an eyebrow Sidney interjected, “ So you guys were serious?” 

“That’s what I thought.” continued Hawkeye. “But just like mom and just like Trapper did 6 months ago, she up and left. I didn’t get to say bye or anything. She just one day decided she had enough of me, packed her bags and was out of the apartment before I even had time to get home and try and stop her. I thought Trapper would have at least left something. But I guess not. I guess I’m just not worth the hassle to say bye too. God. Why did dad not let me tell mom bye. Her own son was in the dark. I get Caryle and Trapper. It was bound to happen. Unhappy relationship and discharge but God, mom? Really? I hated her for it you know. I just wish once someone would leave and tell me about it first. Why do I always have to be the last to know. I bet the thing I got going on with Beej will end just as abruptly as it did with Trapper.” rambled on Hawkeye.

“Hawkeye, stop a minute, let’s process all that you said.” steered Sidney realizing he was losing his patient rapidly. 

Hawkeye shut up and listened. 

“You mention over and over that you never got to say goodbye to all these people. You also mention being the last to hear of relationships ending.”

“Yea, so?” sighed Hawkeye.

“Let’s go back to the dream. In the dream you describe each of your friends as birds relating to their fears and issues. Beej - your best friend is a robin because he is guilty for leaving his baby girl. Klinger is an ostrich - which I never would have pegged him as so thank you for that lovely image - because he is scared and fearful he won’t return home and if he does he will be completely different. Potter is a bald eagle because he is insecure in his abilities despite being a career man in the army. Margaret is a Puffin because she has the fear that she will never fit in anywhere so she forces herself to. And Frank is a hummingbird because he is insecure in his own way and -”

“ - a peacock for commitment issues” finished Hawkeye. 

“Precisely. It seems like you are scared to trust people because everyone seems to leave you at some point. Starting way back when your mom left you abruptly. Oh also in my own professional diagnosis I would also tack on abandonment issues” added Sidney.

“What gives Sid, I thought you were going to let me come to the conclusion on my own accord.” whimpered Hawkeye.

“Eh, I see how hard you’re trying to figure this all out, so I decided to give you a freebie” laughed Sidney.

“Well in true Freud fashion, my issues really do stem from my mother,” laughed Hawkeye sadly. 

The two sat for another hour trying to brainstorm ways Hawkeye could push past these thoughts of abandonment and commitment issues and how he could overcome them. 

The End!

[hello-there]

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[normal-thoughts-official]

More trans Raphael headcanons please🥺

anon, i hope you know that youre my favorite person on this website. i would bleed for you. i would die for you. but most importantly, i would live for you. i would work everyday to see joy in the world and make it a better place. for you. i owe you my life, which i feel begins only now, in this new breath that i take as i start typing this response

in no particular order:

one of the reasons him and rosa were so close is because she accepted him readily and wholeheartedly. like, they were already super close before (that’s partially why she didn’t give a straight fuck) but the way she just... accepted him so easily and stood by him really cemented how much he adores her

like, his family as a whole was pretty accepting (his mom didn’t move all the way to the US to try and start a new life for her kids just to kick one of them out. plus, in a latino neighborhood, there were probably a few travestis already, as well as trans people as a whole, cuz well, poor place. it also helped that they then had a “man in the house” since i hc it was just the 3 of them), but his mum was also catholic and had never heard of that before, so it took her a while to figure out how to handle that? but rosa was the one who was like, correcting everyone cheerfully when they got his pronouns wrong, making sure no one picked on him and stuff, you know?

she felt good about it too, because when they had moved she was the one who had trouble adjusting and he was the one protecting her, so she got to pay it back and :’) nice 

obviously there were no T shots easily available by that time, so he kind of just, improvised a binder, cut his hair short, and hoped for the best

rosa helped him take the “binder” off sometimes. she also made sure that she didn’t wear it too tight or for too long after they had a pretty big scare where it started constricting him in the middle of the street (went through that once! do not recommend!) 

after he became a vampire, when he used to go to the bleeder dens and stuff, he for a while tried to only drink blood from cis men to see if it would help him transition lmao

it doesn’t, and being a vampire also means that he can’t possibly get surgery (super healing) or T shots even if they were available, so that sucks and for a while after raphael turns he’s more dysphoric than ever

magnus “trans icon” bane helped him with that after he took raphael in too, because he had been perfecting ways to magically transition for years, and guess what! it works on vampires too because fuck you. and also even if it didn’t magnus would have probably tried to figure out a way that did anyway 

magnus also offers a glamor, but he foregoes it most of the time, specially after he starts to grow more muscle and stuff? also he feels more dysphoric about the way they look like, with the clothes than without haha me projecting never and now the binder can’t hurt him, so you know. whatever

the downworld is full of trans icons due to, you know, immortality meaning that there are people from several different backgrounds and societies and time periods that had nothing to do with the modern gender binary, and that slaps hard actually. it’s pretty much normal, specially among warlocks (which are most of his friends anyway, as he’s raised by magnus), and that makes him feel less and less dysphoric and more and more comfortable as time went by 

with that being said, camille is 100% a transphobic bitch because that’s how she rolls so’s lorenzo tbh lmaooo but she doesn’t come into the picture until later anyway

not to be a slut but like..... all of raphael’s partners are trans too....... saiaphaeliorn is the ULTIMATE trans power couple (quadrouple? anyway)

simon is one of the first people he meets after getting to the downworld who’s also a trans man (as most people are non-binary/have culturally specific genders) and it’s. really nice, actually 

also!!! i’ve talked before about my headcanon that magnus uses clothing as a form of protection and he teaches raphael the same, so like... magnus also teaching raphael how to use clothing that helps him be perceived as masculine.... teaching him how to spot a person’s reactions to his gender to protect himself from potentially transphobic violence....... just being the greatest trans dad

the result of transition he liked the most was his voice, by far. the muscles are a very great bonus even if he could do with getting a little taller but like... to this day he sometimes hears his own voice, realizes how deep and pretty it sounds, and gets a little overwhelmed by how happy he is

gender euphoria yall!!! gender euphoria!!

raphael seeing himself in the mirror when magnus gives him one of these expensive three-piece suits that he never even dreamt of being able to afford and being just. so excited he barely knows what to do with it

ooh that’s also one of the reason he wears vests so frequently? you know besides the whole Good Pressure thing, they help him seem more lean u kno

ok i think that’s all i have but if anyone else also has hcs or trans raphael thoughts as a whole please send them to me because aaaa i just love he

[greysfanpage388]

Grey’s Anatomy Season 16 episode 3

Another great episode! 🥰

*spoiler alert*

[[MORE]]

1. I loved the casting of guest stars Holly Marie Combs and Alyssa Milano ( from Charmed) as sisters Haylee and Heidi - their incredible acting brought so much substance to this episode. I felt sad with them when ‘Heather’ was pronounced brain dead, and had to laugh out loud when the real Heather phoned, causing them to jump out of their skin 😆😂🤣 I’m so glad that it was not Heather who is dead , and the 3 sisters have another shot at reconciliation.

2. I really liked Amelia deciding together with Link to tell her family about her pregnancy . Yes, it is a good thing, Amelia! This shows huge character development on her part , wanting to tell her family about the good news, after being afraid of getting pregnant again last season. I really loved the scene of Amelia and Link telling Meredith and DeLuca about the pregnancy and Meredith being so happy for Amelia and hugging her. Yes, she’s gonna be auntie Mer! I do wish that we would at least see Amelia making a phone call to Addison to tell her the news, even if we just hear Amelia’s side of the conversation. Kate Walsh guest starring would be a huge bonus.

3. Kudos to Jo for successfully performing the ALPSS procedure solo , with Meredith remotely assisting her during lunch break. I’ve to admit, I was also feeling nervous for Jo when there was a bleeder and Jo couldn’t locate the source of the bleeding or the organs temporarily. I breathed a sigh of relief with Mer, Jo and everyone else in he OR when the procedure was completed successfully. I’m sure Mer must be proud of Jo!!

4. The story of the elderly couple, Bertie ‘Bird’ and So Young is so touching. What a romantic story indeed! Love knows no boundaries or language barriers and passes the test of time! I’m so glad the lovely couple finally found their way back to each other and are reunited again after so many years. So sweet!

5. Nico Kim is actually likeable this episode. I really liked how he became the interpreter between So Young and the Grey Sloan doctors, and how he offered to guide Schmidt in inserting a guide wire.

6. I’m not gonna miss Qadri too much, and was a little bothered about how she only came to Grey Sloan Memorial to learn from Meredith. Meredith is not the only top class surgeon in the hospital! Anyways, I also dislike Bailey for being on a firing spree this season.

7. The Maggie and Vic scene was so awkward lol, I actually feel sorry for them both 😆

8. I liked Owen offering to take care of Allison while Teddy goes back to work. Not every man is willing to do this for their partner/ spouse. Kudos to him. I think I might start to like Owen and Teddy together.

9. There is still no love lost between Tom and Owen lol. Poor Owen having to hide from Tom. 😅

Do let me know what you guys thought of the episode. I would like to hear from you all 😘

[zire-7]

A Totally Biased Review Of Violet

A Totally Biased Review Of Violet

Fourscore and 12 years ago, my entire world changed on the way to school one morning. My sister’s friend lent her his copy of Violet and I, being cognizant of the limited battery life of my CD player, was listening to the song I was currently obsessed with before turning it off to conserve the precious batteries. When I regretfully turned it off, it was my sister’s music I was understandably wary, my eardrums were assaulted with the line “two of them are sisters. I’m a murder tramp, birthday boy” I think I said “I’m gonna bash them, bash them in” I think he said”

The Birthday Massacre has owned my soul ever since that fateful truck ride to school. Now, I will confess to taking a shine to just Happy Birthday. I know, what you’re thinking. WTF?! How could you only like just one song?! To be fair, I was teenager at the time and was still in the ‘liking only one song from an album’ phase and Happy Birthday was a song about murdering a bunch of kids at a birthday party. I envisioned all of the bullies at my previous schools and the ones at school being violently murdered at said birthday party. Don’t judge me, its how I got through most of my days at school. Anyway after school I did try to listen to the rest of Violet, but alas I couldn’t make it passed Horror Show. Though I did like some aspects of Lovers End, I remained completely and utterly in love with, you guessed it, Happy Birthday. A couple months later, I revisited the Violet album and literally thought to myself: “What the fuck, this is fucking awesome. My younger self was stupid.”

Without further ado, the songs…

Prologue; Lovers End

38 seconds of weird mystical-y creature and water through a drain sounds before it bleeds into the mesmerizing synths of Lovers End’s intro. Which is fantastic even with the Violet album being TBM’s second record, the synths are haunting and remind me of a broken music box. Then those drums creeping in… pure magic. Lyrically this song goes back and forth between a lullaby and a hellish nightmare. A lovesick teenager goes out to find their lover but is unaware that they have a psychotic imaginary friend that killed said lover. The chorus hits you like a freight train with the way Chibi delivers it. You can feel the fear and despair shrouded in each line.  

Favorite Lyrics: Calling for the other, searching for her lover, secrets she discovers, drain her face of colour. 1…2…3…4…Underneath cellar floor, 5…6…7…8…Lover will suffocate.

Rating: 20 Violets. The whisper-y tone used for the verses is the heart and soul of the song.

Happy Birthday[Or The Birthday Massacre]

This song was originally titled The Birthday Massacre. For any newer fans that have yet to learn this little tidbit, TBM used to be called Imagica. It came from Clive Barker’s novel Imagjica. Now I know what you’re wondering, why’d they change too The Birthday Massacre. Well, another band was called Imagika with a K and they got all sorts of pissed off about it. So the most awesome and kind hearted people you’ll ever meet, TBM, changed it. But why did they pick 'The Birthday Massacre’? Simple it was their most popular song at the time. However, it was also a better fit according to TBM because its two things that don’t go together. Which is very true of their music; juxtaposition of sweet and sour, life and death, good and evil.

Speaking of juxtaposition, murder and mayhem at a birthday party. Lovers End and Happy Birthday bleed into each other. [This album has a lot of Bleeders, its one of many things that I happen to appreciate about it as a whole.] The instrumental interlude, this band does them a lot and does them well, has a powerful blend of synths, drums, and bass. This one will get your fingers drumming along to the synths, you’ll also want to sing, and dance. The verses are sung in a whisper that caress your ears drawing you further along to the song’s imagery. Chibi’s vocals are strong and powerful, growing more intense with each chorus. This whole song builds on the subtle elements until it bursts into a stunning crescendo at the beginning and the end of it.

Favorite Lyrics:  I think my friend said, “Don’t forget the video.” I think my friend said, “Don’t forget to smile.” “You’re a Murder Tramp, Murder Tramp,” I think he said. “You’re a Murder boy, birthday boy”, I think I said.

Rating: It introduced me to The Birthday Massacre, it is my favorite out of all of them. It gets all the awards. I would happily listen to it until my ears bleed, if I could only have one song on the magical ipod that never dies with indestructible headphones on the deserted island this be that song, and I will never tire of it; repeat for eternity.[It hurts my soul when any of my family members skip it when I don’t have control of my ipod or they ask me to, I’m too nice to say no.] So it can’t be rated, if its already got the highest rating it can get with me.

Horror Show

You will dance, you will sing, and this song will make you its puppet. Chibi’s voice is angelic throughout. [Honestly I was super disappointed in my younger self for not loving this fun energetic anthem.] Did I mention that you will sing? This song is an accurate AF depiction of what happens when a popular kid falls from grace. As well as the losers, and freaks rising above such pettiness and working to include the outcasts; though not really. [Outcasts are former popular assholes at the bottom of the pecking order. They don’t get made fun of because us losers and freaks are better than that.] Or how hard it is to ever forget a bully that tormented you because you confessed to liking them, they then proceeded to make your life a living hell. It backfires and the both of you are tormented now.  The synths are crazy and so on point. The 80s vibes are strong with this one especially that interlude; it reminds me of A Night At the Roxbury.  

Favorite Lyrics: They shut the door. We fell far behind. We try forgiveness, but they cross the line.  And now the moment has passed and we can’t rewind. We are dead long before we run out of time.

Rating: 40 Violets. I’d be surprised if you make it to the instrumental interlude without moving your head to the beat. [You lie!] The interlude will break you.

Violet & Red

An explosion of synths opens Violet before a true blending of instruments and synths ushers us into this violet ballad. For it is a ballad of love gone wrong, of longing, of empty wistfulness for feelings starting to fade. The synths and drums accompanying the melancholy vocals of the chorus is breath taking. You’ll definitely want to sing along to this one as well as dance to the drums and synths. Seriously, you won’t be able to help it, this song will get you to sing and dance to it. [Fight me!]

The synths slowly fade getting softer and softer before bleeding into one of two instrumental tracks. Red is a nice little tune with very pretty synths that are a breath of fresh air from the ups and downs of Violet.

Favorite Lyrics: Past uncertainties combine, bringing tears to sleepless eyes. Memory runs the course of time, blood runs cold beyond the violet prison for violent visions.

Rating: 60 Violets. An emotional roller-coaster ride that brings us down to make us get up and dance to the beat.

Play Dead

Red sweeps us into my second favorite synths on the album and my favorite drums. My second favorite vocals, they just have so much power over me. [It was with this song that I wanted to go back and hit my younger self over the head while saying; listen to the whole album] This song was and still is a fast favorite, I connected with it so much because of the story the lyrics weave. [Its how I often felt after a day of elementary school and middle school. Hell its how I felt about school in general.] A tale of a witch granting a boon to a gender queer personage. The boon is a spell to make everyone play dead, forever. As I said the vocals are amazing, but are epic for the last chorus after the instrumental interlude. You now that moment, where your soul is screaming 'YEAAAAAAAAAS’, and the singer is giving their all; you share a moment together. [This band gives 110% to the power of INFINITY!!!]  

Favorite Lyrics: And boys are so cold, they speak without meaning. The only time they talk is in their sleep. And girls are a bore, their touch without feeling. Their secrets always far to grim to keep. And up until now, you’ve lived in their shadows trying hard to please them. But they’ll never change, as long as their breathing.  I’ll cast you a spell, a magic were everyone plays dead forever.

Rating: 70 Dead Violets. This song will get you to sing along and dance to it. I know, I know, but I only speak the truth.

Blue

Play Dead crashes us into Blue, and my favorite synths on the album. They are epic and magic and misleading in combination with the harsher edge to the opening. All the verses are sung in a sweet airy, like cotton candy, tone that unsurprisingly enhance the song. Than wham into the chorus with growling vocals. [Fun fact, the band referrers to the growling as Chibi’s snake man voice.] Granted the growling is not for everyone but, I love it so. There is not enough of it in my opinion. Throughout these gritty and fairy tail esque refrains the instrumental music reminds me of a twisted music box. The synths on the chorus are twinkle-y bells…

[Wait…peeps, I’ve listened to the Violet album so much, that I memorized the lyrics without ever glancing at the lyric book or looking them up. My sister put the album on our computer and then gave it back to her friend; I didn’t have my own copy for awhile. Any ways, I just realized that the synths on the chorus and in the opening, are a xylophone!!!]

so yeah there’s a xylophone, it rocks. It meshes so well with the music. [I love this even more now.] Those. Instrumental. Interludes. Though…

Demented tea party song or a dark interpretation of Toy Story???

Favorite Lyrics: Black tongues speak faster than the car can crash. You supply the rumors, and I’ll provide the wrath. Romance is breaking every heart in two, casting shadows in the pale shade of blue. Fate changes than the death of light. You supply the envy, and I’ll provide the spite. Reflections cutting every face into two, casting shadows in the pale shade of blue.

Rating: 80 African Blue Lilies. This song will not only get you to sing, you’ll growl along too, even if you can’t growl. You will do so. Tis the heaviest song on the album. [Really wanted to go back in time and smack my younger self for missing out on this amazing song too.]

Video Kid

Like something right out of a Mario World start screen or the sound effects from The Ping Pong Video Game, but softer, these opening and closing synths: NEED TO BE IN BAND HERO 4. [I want to play them on the key board, damn it! All of TBM’s songs need to be in Band Hero 4.] Easily my third favorite synth sounds on the album. Every time I listen to the song, I go back and forth between deciding what I like better, the music or the vocals. True, its all music, but peeps there is a whispered bridge that is magnificent and on point drums, guitar, bass, and synths. I just can’t pick what to fangirl about to get you to listen to it. Just listen to it. Do it.

Favorite Lyrics: Got a voice like something I heard before. The message misleading. We’re lying, we’re cheating. We’re only repeating the motions, preceding.

Rating: 90 Violets. Dance, sing, and do your own version of The Robot; the song commands you.

The Dream & Black

Video Kid doesn’t quite bleed into this song, but it transitions beautifully into some weird synths that I don’t know if I like them or not; even though this record has killed many, many, many, batteries. [Before killing my ipod battery too.] I am permanently on the fence about these synths, I don’t love them, I don’t hate them. Anyways a strong drum presence as well as enjoyable synths. They are softer for the verse getting more intense in the chorus. Them vocals with 'just so’ synths in the background makes my soul very happy. I’m weak for the bridge with Chibi bring down the rafters, there are no singer friendly octaves to be had here. Not that you’ll care when trying to sing it, you’ll sing it anyway.

The music of The Dream pulls back, leaving you in the star filled night sky. Where you drift on soothing waves of synths.

Favorite Lyrics: She flies over clouds in twilight skies, nothing to bind her, no one will find her this high. Far above the rainy weather, all plans have come together, and for the first time she feels just fine.

Rating: 110 Violets. There will be singing, you will sing, and dance or at the least you won’t be able to sit still. This album is catchy AF.

Holiday

Black sets you on the ground as the first rain drops of synths fall. Lighting up the darkened streets before you’re swept along in the lyrical melancholy tide. From the drums to the guitars, the song is a true follow the Will-O-Wisp to another time and place, where its always night time and raining.   With every line sung you are taken further and further away from the chaos around you to a peaceful abode.    

Favorite Lyrics: Deadlight Holiday killing time to make us stay,  hollow as the promises of yesterday. On and on the music plays memories in paraphrase falling past my window like the morning rain.

Rating: 120 Violets. I have to say it, I have to, you will sing, and maybe you’ll dance. But you will sing along.

Nevermind

Holiday fakes you out, all like: “nah, I’m going to get all quiet and totally not going to blend with the start of the next song. “ [Off stage whisper: 'Lies and Deception’!] Don’t be fooled its a bleeder like the last three songs. However, unlike The Dream, Black, and Holiday this song is an abrupt, but not unwelcome, departure from the nice little three song tale you were in. There’s a rich family throwing an X-mas party at their winter villa in the middle of nowhere, where everyone is trying to stab each other in the back. [The Lannisters.]

I love the vocals, they are unapologetic and carve themselves into your ear drums, helped immensely with the beat of those drums. [I couldn’t resist.] By far it contains my third favorite instrumental interlude; Blue’s are second and Happy Birthday’s is first.  

Favorite Lyrics:  Now your conversation’s scholarships and occupations, you look so different than before when…nevermind…anyway this reckless violation, tarnishing my reputation has left me nothing kind to say

Rating: 130 Violets. I officially dubbed this TBM’s Karaoke album. It will make you want to sing every damn song. Every. Single. One.

Score:  

50 Shades of Violets [I had to.]

Ahh…once more we have come to the end of another Biased Review of another TBM album. This time it was more personal for me, as I was introduced to The Birthday Massacre with the Violet album. I will freely admit that my younger self was unbelievably single minded in her focus on just one song. Albeit a life-changing song, but it took a brush with a knife for me to revisit more than that one song on the Violet album. [I did not draw my own blood that day, it was a near thing, and I AM OKAY. AND I HAVE BEEN OKAY FOR A LONG TIME NOW. DON’T WORRY FOR ME.]

Oh boy, guess I have some explaining to do. What I’m about to say is the unvarnished reality of myself, I mean it when I say this; The Birthday Massacre saved my life. You’re rolling your eyes and going: “pfft, yeah you and everyone else in the world.” That’s just it though, you weren’t there in that kitchen, feeling the cold seep into your socks from the linoleum, with a knife held over your arm, waiting for the last note of music from Happy Birthday to end so you could drag the metal clean through the skin with a shaking hand, you didn’t let that interlude speak to you, and you didn’t allow the thoughts to surface.  Thoughts that said, “man, these guys are going to make some fucking awesome music. Its too bad that I won’t be around to hear it.” and “I want to see them play live.”

Those were my thoughts that day. A day I have never forgotten, a day that I gave to another person, I let them in, and they threw it back in my fucking face by bad mouthing The Birthday Massacre.  They also weren’t there when I took my sandwich back to the room I shared with my sister, still feeling like I wanted to use that knife to make me bleed, and the only way I could think of to silence those thoughts; listening to the Violet album from start to finish.

And guess what? I was right, they have made awesome fucking music. Are there songs that I dislike, you bet your ass there are. I dislike, 8, 8 songs out of 119. They are a amazing to see live, I’ve seen them 3 times. I saw them on their Pins & Needles tour [Nov 22, 2010], the tour with Black Veil Brides, I saw them on their Superstition Tour with New Years Day and The Red Paintings [ Dec 09, 2014], and I saw them on their Under Your Spell Tour with Army of the Universe, and Sumo Cyco [May 26, 2017].

They are my favorite band, their music saved my life, and lent me the strength to fight off my demons. Which is why I will always be a fan of The Birthday Massacre.

[evenstevensranked]

#24: Season 3, Episode 10 - “Hutch Boy”

School bully Lloyd Offler targets Louis as his next victim. Meanwhile, Ren’s hair is accidentally dyed blonde!

First off, I just want to say that I'm dedicating this review to Brad Bufanda, the actor who played Lloyd. It was brought to my attention on Instagram that he just recently passed away on November 1st. He was 34. Very strange timing because this episode was next on my list already and I was working on the review as I found out. My heart kinda sank. I feel really weird segueing into my regular, light-hearted style now after the fact -- but I figure it's actually better to keep things light during darker times. So yeah. Let's do this!

This one opens with one of the most incredible things ever: a flying squirrel. Not an actual flying squirrel of course, but a mechanical one that Louis and Twitty rigged to scare Tom -- who happens to have an extremely specific and strange fear of flying squirrels. I wonder what instilled that fear? lol. How many squirrels have you seen flyin' around out there? 

This bit used to have me in stitches. Tom’s terrified scream is something you have to hear for yourself. 

Just then, some guy named Lloyd Offler approaches them and starts yelling at Louis for giving him "hard looks." Like, excuse me? I'll never understand how bullies pick their victims. Louis is the best, leave him alone. I know that Louis, Tawny, and Tom are supposed to be outcasts of sorts (leaving out Twitty because we’ve seen that he’s actually pretty popular)... But still. Louis is cool imo. Lloyd walks away, but not before letting Louis know that he’s on his radar now. Great. 

~Radar~

Cut to the subplot. Ren volunteers her hair to the “Future Beauticians” Club, and let me tell you... I had such an ah-ha moment when I was re-watching this episode. For whatever reason, I always thought the club was called the Future PETITIONS club. Ruby says the name so fast it’s hard to understand. I was always so confused, like... What the heck is that? What petitions? And what do they have to do with dyeing hair? And then it hit me. I kid you not, it was like the skies opened up! "Beauticians” obviously makes so much more sense, lol. 

To Ren’s horror, her hair turns out platinum blonde. Ruby has a flashback to the moment it all went wrong. We see that mid-gossip, she was distracted and poured soda into the dye mixture instead of whatever else she was supposed to use. I always felt personally responsible for this accident because she starts off the gossip with "So, I'm talkin' to Brittany..." Don't drag me into this, Ruby. 

At least it was “natural” soda. 

Ren is furious at first but soon notices that her hair is garnering attention. So she starts strutting down the hall to a "Walking on Sunshine" rip off. 

This is another situation like the "Staying Alive" rip off in Stevens Genes. From memory, I would've bet money that the actual "Walking on Sunshine" was used here!! But nope. I'm still fascinated by how the brain can be tricked like that. Girls are staring at Ren with jealousy now and guys are checking her out... including Louis -- who doesn’t recognize her at first. It’s highly disturbing. 

“hey, blondie... how u doin?” - Louis stop. Ignoring the fact that it’s Ren, it’s so weird to see Louis attempt to hit on someone. *shivers with disgust* I take back what I said about him being cool. 

At lunch, the gang is laughing about how Lloyd’s name is spelled with two L’s. “Maybe he pronounces it La-Loyd?” Tawny jokes. Louis dies of laughter and says “...And my name’s La-Louis” so sarcastically. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME. Shia is so full of joy here and the whole scene has such an organic feel to it. You get the sense that these are real friends at school having a laugh. It’s contagious and warms my heart. 

So pure.

Suddenly.......... this iMovie “suspense” sound effect plays twice as Lloyd appears hovering behind Louis asking “You having a good time, La-Louis?” Why are these double L jokes so funny to me?! Oh my god. Lloyd picks up Louis’ sandwich, licks it dramatically, and puts it back on his tray. Nice guy! Louis tries to reason with him, but Lloyd refuses and says “See you in shop class” ominously.

During shop class Louis is so afraid of what Lloyd might do, he’s quite literally shaking like a leaf. Twitty tries to reassure him by saying the teacher is nearby and won’t let anything happen to him. But then the teacher is all “I’m gonna step out of the room for a minute and I will take my time.” This is so good. Now that they’re alone, Lloyd snatches away Louis' “shelf” project and puts it in the hutch he's constructing. This is a great bit though because Louis decides to face Lloyd then and apologize (even though he did nothing wrong.) It’s really nice. Louis is so sincere and mature here. Lloyd seemingly accepts the apology... but then stuffs Louis into the hutch as well. (see cover photo)

Tom politely confronts Lloyd insisting he let Louis out of the hutch, before he says “I’m sorry it’s come to this...” and randomly goes completely black belt on Lloyd to everyone's shock. Then again, was it to everyone’s shock? Because their classmates emerged from their workstations, conveniently holding up wood for Tom to break lol. I love how the teacher walks back in while Tom is kickin’ around like he’s Jackie Chan, and has one of those “f this, I’m out” moments: 

This show’s humor was way ahead of its time. 

Louis is beyond shocked and it always cracks me up when Tom calmly helps Louis out of the hutch and whispers “Come on, buddy.” I don’t know what it is... but it’s just so freaking funny. There’s this hilarious ~zen~ music playing as well which is the icing on the cake. There’s a great line later that day when Louis starts evaluating the situation: “If Tom was the biggest wimp at school, and he saved MY butt? That means I’M THE BIGGEST WIMP AT SCHOOL.” ....true tho. Twitty mentions our good ol’ buddy Pete who everyone apparently prays to on this show when he says “Who would’ve known he was an honest to Pete, second degree black belt?!” lol. 

To wrap up Ren’s plot, because not too much else happens: She basically becomes an overtly stereotypical blonde overnight. Constantly saying “oh muh gosh!,” reading fashion magazines during class, and blowing off her commitments to roller skate in the house instead. 

Okay, is she curling her hair now? or did they honestly think we wouldn’t notice that Ren’s hair magically became curly after it was dyed blonde. Who picked this wig? 

She also went out and got a whole new wardrobe to go with her hair or something?! Because these clothes she’s wearing do not seem like stuff she already had in her closet. Ruby rounds up a bunch of blondes from LJH and holds a mini intervention for Ren -- telling her that she’s giving blondes a bad name. And that’s pretty much it! Ruby dyes her hair back to normal.

I love how Ruby left her “a little souvenir” of blonde! I’ve been dyeing one small section of my hair blonde for years now, so this always makes me happy lol. Look at how much body Ren’s “hair” has when she’s blonde and how flat it is when she’s back to normal lol.... seems legit. I also definitely owned that yellow and blue striped top that girl on the left is wearing.

Back to Louis’ drama. Tom is outside casually practicing his martial arts when Louis approaches him with some hot chocolate from Doris. Tom’s so ~in the zone~ that he almost roundhouse kicks Louis in the face. I needed to gif it:

Louis tells Tom that he wants to be just like him, he wants to learn how to fight. Tom agrees to teach Louis ~his ways~ and I swear this is one of my favorite bits EVERRRRRRR. There’s no way I’m typing all of this out. You have to feast your eyes on the greatness yourself:

“Louis... did I mention it takes 9 years to learn my ways?” - This show is absolute GOLD, I do not care what anyone says. 

Who knew Fred Meyers could actually do all of that, though?! So yeah, after telling Lloyd he’d fight him, even though he can’t fight -- Tom tells Louis his only option is to “find his inner strength and harness it.” And Louis, being the actual genius he is, takes that advice quite literally. I also love how Louis just says “meet me in the alley at 7″ .......which alley, bro? Ya also gotta love that “The Rock” reference. (”If you smell what Louis is cookin’!”) This show really did pick the BEST things to reference when it came to pop culture. It feels like Dwayne Johnson is everywhere these days!

The last big scene of the episode is the alley sequence, and I love it so much. Louis has Beans and Twitty secretly help him work a harness he rigged to fly around like some crazy martial arts master just to freak Lloyd out and avoid fighting altogether. It starts off pretty hilarious (Louis literally does the macarena as a “kung fu” move) but then it gets serious for a minute and it’s perfect. Of course, it all goes down in flames and Lloyd sees the wire. It feels so satisfying to reach the heart of a bully. It's great when you start to see Lloyd feel bad about how he’s treated Louis and I freaking love how Louis gives in, but at the same time -- stands up for himself. He tells Lloyd to beat him up, almost pressuring him to do so -- which obviously makes Lloyd NOT want to beat him up. It's great. 

“I’ve come to the realization that if I’m gonna get hit, I’m gonna get hit. You know what you’re gonna wanna do? Get some towels. ‘Cause I’m a bleeder.” - Yesss, Louis. 

This leads to one of my favorite little exchanges in the series. Lloyd immediately becomes a huge softie and wants to know how Louis pulled off the harness trick and they quickly start bonding over engineering. Lloyd is all "I didn't know you were into mechanical stuff!" And Louis says "Yeah, dude. I am. But you were too busy putting me in your hutch." - I'm sooo glad they actually had Louis say that engineering is something he's into! Because otherwise, his inventions come across as nothing but wacky things that only exist to support the gags he pulls with no further explanation. Idk. It's such a short moment, but it makes me so happy every time!!! Louis even gives Lloyd a quick rundown of the materials he used to rig the harness and idk man, it just makes me smile. I LOVE THIS CHARACTER SO MUCH. (I also just noticed that the flying squirrel gag was solid foreshadowing for this harness rig.)

I always get a little sad that Lloyd didn't become a bit of a recurring character for the rest of the season or something. This final scene between them has a ~beginning of a beautiful friendship~ sort of vibe. Lloyd invites Louis to check out his home workshop and ugh it’s so nice. We hardly ever see Louis with any friends outside of his core group, let alone someone else who shares his love of engineering, so maybe that’s why this scene always hits me.  

I really like this episode for some reason. Always have. Like, A LOT. I think it’s because of the big showdown in shop class. And Louis wanting to learn martial arts from Tom. And the flying squirrel. And Louis and Lloyd in the alley. It's all amazing. And Ren’s plot is pretty fun, too. This is just an awesome episode all around. 

Rest in Peace, Brad Bufanda. 

Thanks for reading! And please contribute to the conversation below if ya like. 

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[hey-taylor-a]

In your opinion, what makes a good book? I'm still stuck with working on mine and I feel like the quality is not where it is. I wish somebody could read it and give me some pointers! *chews nails*

Jeez lol what a hard question for someone who is probably not qualified to answer. First off I am honored that you asked me.Secondly, in my opinion for a book to be good it is dependent on a few variables. First, what kind of book? If it's a book about someone or something then to be good it has to convey a message in a interesting and meaningful way that keeps people reading until the end. Even if they disagree with the book or its opinions if they read it to the end and it made them think then it accomplished its job because you can't always change people's minds but if you can make them think then you have done something that most people cannot.Of course I think you are referring to fiction writing like what I am trying to accomplish myself. Sooooo in order for your book to be "good" or "successful" depends on you. Most would say that the mark of a writer is recognition or fame. I agree being a renowned writer is an easy way to say a book is good but if you wanted a hidden message or moral of the story and no one gets it, then even if your book is good and famous, it failed your intended purpose. Sometimes just getting the book finished is the hardest and most important part to you as the writer and so it doesn't have to be great, though you probably won't be happy if it's not. Rather than just droning on more though let's assume you just want to make some great fiction writing that you want readers to love. My personal opinion is that a great book does one thing that good books might not. Influence culture. A great book makes the readers want to be a part of it's reality so bad that they talk about, want to see more, want to tell people about it, make fanfics of it, and have personal ties to it. They relate to the writing and it influences their lives. That's what I hope for my own writing. I want to share the many worlds and realities that I Day dream about every day and I hope they love them as much as I do.So I haven't been able to finish my writing because I am always so busy with family and work but I am always trying to find time to finish it. What do I think I have to do to make it great is what I will tell you if you are still reading this eye bleeder of a response. This isn't easy for any writer but here is my list1. Be original as possible. It's not easy because almost every idea out there has been done. That ok, put your twist on it. Your writing will be good if you put your heart into it and take the time to develop the plot. You also don't have to make your book crazy different than any other just to be original. Tropes and cliche's are called so for a reason, people use them so often because they are good.2. Develop your characters. There is plenty of info out there on how but inbox me and I will help if you want.3. Don't change your story because one person or a publisher doesn't like it, but at the same time don't be afraid to change something or listen to the opinions of others. If you tell someone about details of your story and criticize them LISTEN and think about it. They may have their head up their bum or they may have the majority opinion and be making a complaint that most of your readers will. Be confident with your writing but be humble. It's like your child, have faith in them and support them but be willing to take advice.4 have a plot that keeps people interested with twists and changes that impact the characters in meaningful ways. And remember not everything has to be some elaborate Twyst either. Do you want to press the line of what people think is possible in reasonable for your characters to do but not Cross it and make them think nothing makes sense and your characters don't make sense and nothing is relatable.5 some extra stuff I would say is important to me as a reader is leaving some open ended questions but tie up important ones. Having hidden messages and connections to reality without coming out and saying it directly. And don't be afraid to do things in your book that you know will make people mad if it's important to you that it be done. You can never make everyone happy. Have fun I hope I helped and if not message me. Ps I would love to hear about your book.

[1-dollar-cd-sale-reviews]

Unwritten Law - Here’s To The Mourning (2005)

This is an album I’ve known about for a while. I’m a big fan of the song F.I.G.H.T, which was featured in the game Burnout Revenge - F.I.G.H.T, Red Flag and Lights and Sounds were the only three songs I particularly liked on that soundtrack. Because of this, I went back to F.I.G.H.T a lot - even out of those three, it was my favorite track. Hell, I even downloaded it on Limewire back in the day. So this is the first album I’ve reviewed where I’ve been aware of its existence before buying the CD - because of that, I think I went into the album a little bit biased - I had a reasonable idea about what to expect before I listened to the record.

I’ve actually listened to this album twice before this review, both times while playing Borderlands on PS3. There’s a lyric in the first song that talks about needing to get a second wind, which kind of floored me at the time - I’m well aware that it’s an existing term, but how often does it come up? Because of my prior experience with the album, I’ve had more time to sit back and chew on it than other records - which doesn’t help with the pre-existing bias towards the record. Full disclosure, I went into this album expecting to like it due to a song I heard like eight years ago - if you think that has negatively affected my ability to critically assess it, then feel free to write this review off. Don’t write the album off, though - listen for yourself and judge it by your own parameters.

Buyer beware, this album has several descriptions of recreational drug use - if that is an issue that you are sensitive to, I don’t recommend picking up this album. The review is fairly safe, so feel free to keep reading - but if drug use is a touchy subject, I highly recommend staying away from the album proper, because it is brought up several times in a very prominent light. You have been warned.

Back when I did a review of The Bleeders’ record “As Sweet As Sin”, I mentioned a lack of energy that really brought the album down - the singer just wasn’t that good, he had garbage range and he brought the band down because of it. I mentioned wanting something metal, something really loud and energetic, and that record left me feeling very unsatisfied.

I mention that review because I think I found a record that lives up to the expectations I had for The Bleeders.

The singer of Unwritten Law has range. He shouts, he barks, and he can tone it down and chill out. His voice complements the band, and vice versa - everything just slots together really well. Unwritten Law - in 2005, at least - is the complete antithesis of The Bleeders, and it makes me so happy.

The album starts with a 50 second intro that leads into the opening song, Get Up. It’s a promising start to the record, everything barring the vocals gets shown off before it dives into the subject matter head-first.

Get Up has a good amount of heaviness to it, but it’s also surprisingly mellow in its rhythm and vocal style. The chorus is kind of uplifting, the vocals soar and there’s a really well-worn feeling of being back in the saddle, returning to something you haven’t touched on in a while. I think that’s just the lyric “business as usual, 1-2-3″, but I like the sentiment a great deal.

There’s some pretty gentle subject matter in some of the songs, like Because of You which is like a thank-you note to someone who helped the singer to achieve his dreams. I’m kind of against that sort of thing because something about it takes me out of it, but I don’t have a bad thing to say about this song - even with the theme of the song, it’s as heavy as the rest of the album.

Lost Control could have easily been in a Burnout game. It’s a fast, pounding song with a hype as fuck chorus, where the singer really gets to show his chops. Next to Slow Dance and F.I.G.H.T, this is one of the hardest songs on the album, and it’s awesome.

And speaking of Slow Dance - it takes a different approach than the rest of the album and has more of a pulse to its rhythm as opposed to an ongoing wall of sound. The vocals of the chorus are absolutely biting - there’s more of an edge to the vocals during the end of the chorus, the vocalist barks out these strings of “Go, go, go!”, and I kind of love how harshly he delivers the lyrics “Slow dance/Take a chance on me/Take off your pants with me”.

The only track I didn’t like so much was She Says. Felt like a bit of a relationship song, which I’m not particularly a fan of, and it has the line “Father I’ve sinned”, and I’ve heard that dozens of times in tons of other stuff. There’s also the song Save Me (Wakeup Call), which is kind of like a “I’m not okay, I promise” or “life sucks - I know” type of song - another type of song I personally don’t like. But the thing about Save Me (Wakeup Call) is that I actually liked it a lot - the singer was pretty good, the lyrics had some wit even if they treaded a little bit of familiar ground, and it’s a nice, chill interlude after half an album of roaring guitars and loud singing.

Another negative is that in Walrus, they use the word “gay” as a pejorative - “everything is gay, everyone is fake”. It’s a part of the chorus, and it’s a bit jarring - it kinda shows how much the world has changed since 2005. It wasn’t right to do, but it is what it is. The song is chill otherwise, and an interesting closing to the album, but I understand if the usage is uncomfortable - I mostly just thought about how prevalent “gay” used to be as an insult, and how that’s changed - at least in my life. If this is a dealbreaker from some edgy mid-00′s rock, that’s cool and I respect that - but the record is still really good, and I recommend any other song..

There are a bunch of songs I didn’t mention - thank god, I’m trying to move away from my approach of going down the track listing and describing each song one at a time. Out of all these songs, I recommend Slow Dance, Rejections Cold, F.I.G.H.T and Intro/Get Up. I could easily recommend over three quarters of the album, but these are the ones I liked the best. I didn’t even get to F.I.G.H.T in my review - honestly, you should grab a copy of Burnout Revenge and listen to it there. That’s where it sounds the best.

You can grab the album for anywhere between $6 and $25, and the whole album is up on Youtube. I recommend buying the CD, it’s a great album to own if you’re into hard rock from the mid-00’s.

[jacklawsonsurvivor-blog]

Journal Entries II

Editors note: TW for attempted sexual assault.

April 27th 2018

I still have power as of the time i am putting these thoughts down. I have spent the past day glued to CNN and other news channels (fuck Fox News) and i think shit might be fucked beyond control. According to the news most of upper Maryland and parts of West Virginia and Penn are under a “Total Quarantine” by the Federal Government spearheaded by the CDC. It means that i am stuck here in my area for the moment. I am very glad my sweet wife is far from this. I am really unsure of how i could handle all of this with her here.

I went out yesterday and talked to my neighbors. Shelia & Donna are set with food and water for a while and we can see each other without having to go outside to signal. I gave them some nails to help board up the windows out front. Jeff & Barb aren’t home and i haven’t seen them for a while. I don’t know if they tried to bolt early but they have three kids. i Really hope they were on vacation far away. Finally Marko & Josephine are screwed it seems. They spent most of their money this week trying to get supplies from the food lion and weis but it seems price gouging and mugging was going on.  Marko has a really bad black eye and Jo isn’t much better. she got a knife wound up her arm. I gave her some of my wife’s thread in case her would came open and some more food.

The news is full of vids of attacks and the National guard shooting at people to get back away from the makeshift boundaries. The worst was at the Penn border. At least a dozen were shot as they tried to get out of the quarantine. The video of a little girl dead and starting to twitch as she got up will haunt me forever i think.

April 28th 2018

Things are breaking down fast. A house a block down that i can see from the deck caught fire. No one came to put it out. So far i haven’t seen any dead, zombies, biters whatever the fuck people want to call them. I still have power. So well done potomac edison. I talked to her today. My wife is holding it together but she cried on face time. i showed her all my supplies and how the house was defended. it made her feel better. she told me how much she loved me and happy birthday a day early just in case she can’t tomorrow. There have still been no reports of the pathogen showing up west of the Mississippi for a few days. CNN says they have it contained (In America) to mostly the East Coast. Lucky us.

After i got off the phone i decided to do a real audit of my supplies:

8 gallons of water, 24 canned soups, 4 pounds of white rice, 24 cans of ginger ale, 5 boxes of protein bars, three packs of fig newtons, two packages of crackers, 6 pounds of salt, 2 cases worth of random beer, 9 bottles of high proof booze, 20 cans of random veggies, 10 cans of fruits, 4 pounds of flour and random other stuff in the pantry. 3 twenty pound bags of cat food (for the cat)

As far as weapons go i have my baseball bat, 4 folding knives, a hunting knife, my compound bow with 25 good arrows and 5 not so good arrows. 1 old broad head, 5 current style broad heads, 3 stopper heads, 3 bleeder heads, 19 field points (bodkins), my .20 gauge with 10 slugs and 15 buck shot, and my .45 with 2 full boxes of ammo. Plus random lethal things in the garage.

i am well set and really hope this blows over buy i doubt it.

April 29th 2018

Happy Birthday to Me. Still have power but it has flickered a few times. I talked to Mom for the first time in days. Dale got her out of maryland and long with my step dad and youngest sister. i will owe that man forever. They couldn’t say where they are and that she can’t talk for long but she wanted to tell me she loved me and that she was safe. Mom tears are the worst. Hannah cried a lot too shes safe and really sad they couldn’t take the dog but shes safe and that is all that matters. Andy, god bless him, told me he knew i would be safe and that this is nothing for a gamer nerd like me to handle. he joked i have been training for this my whole life and  should be fine. Bless that man for making me laugh.

Dad called too. He is safe so is my step mom and step sister but,...my grand parents are dead. Someone went though the entire old people complex and shot almost everyone in the night. A letter was left talking about giving mercy to the infirm before things got worse. Dad is not ok. He is trying to be but he is not. He has food and weapons plus plenty of ammo. He is far from the quarantine area but ready just in case. i told him i would be fine. i hope i wasn’t lying.

I can still smell the smoke from the house that burnt down. I had the fire place cleaned last year so at least i don’t have to worry too much if it is still like this in winter. fuck. my grandparents are gone for no fucking reason. Lord give my old man strength.

May 3rd 2018

Where to start? Power is out and i don’t think it is coming back. There was an attack of Zombies two days ago. It started at the house behind me. I woke up to screaming and the power out. My new neighbor (i never met her not really) was screaming and holding her kid and trying to run out her back door. I could see she was bleeding. Her husband was following her. Fast. His face seemed wrong and distorted. Blood was all down his front. Before i could grab a gun or anything really the kid started spasming or something. Then ...then he ripped open her throat with his teeth. i puked up everything in me.

The neighbors next to them opened their doors and came out to see what was up. The kid sprinted like a shot to Ginny. She was nice. She liked to grow potatoes on her deck. She was hoping to make vodka this year. She won’t now. The kid got her in the gut. i had never seen guts before. i wish i haven’t. i froze for just a moment longer but the gun shots got me out of it. Someone i hadn’t met started shooting at the kid. center mass doesn’t work on zombies. i thought we knew that already. The Dad started moving again to the sound of the shots. i aimed at the kid with my .45. it was a long shot but i hit him. back of his head blew off.

Doug tried to calm his wife Ginny and didn’t listen when i screamed across the back yard to back off her. She turned and took a chunk out of his face. Their son Robbie didn’t wait. He took a bat to his Mom’s head. His Dad went inside. i heard a single bang not long after. The zombie Dad i didn’t know was still running after the shots. No idea what happened after that. It seems all that commotion must have called the other Zombies that had been around but had no reason to come my way. I did a fast check of the doors and my windows. i could see Donna on her deck give me the all clear.

i went out to my deck with my shotgun and my bat across my back. I could smell something horrible. Marko was walking at our fence line just sort of shambling. When he turned i could see his stomach was open and trailing his intestines. i didn’t eat for 24 hours or so. Jo was standing on her suv and started to scream for me. That of course called over all of the Zombies that had started to gather. I don’t know what i was thinking and i don’t know if i was really. if i had been thinking i don’t know if i would have done this. i ran to Marko and stopped two feet from him and shot him in the head. I told Jo to start running to me and head up the deck stairs. I shot two more Zombies. One i didn’t know and the other was a kid i saw at his bus stop all the time. God forgive me but i didn’t hesitate.

We made it inside.

I got her calmed down and told her she needed to show me that she wasn’t bit or scratched. She did but wasn’t really happy with me right then but i think she gets it now. She wasn’t but. She took her clothes off but i told her keep her undies on. i hope she appreciated it. I got her fed too. Her arm cut held. The short version is Marko was fuming about getting his ass kicked trying to find food and took it out on Jo. Seems this was a thing he did. I never knew. i feel like shit. i shared my good booze with that man. He tried to rape her. pinned her down and was going to “do what he wanted in what holes he wanted.” she said that she felt something break in her. She grabbed a knife (this happened in their kitchen) and managed to sliced him enough to make him let go. He charged she did it again and cut him all the way open.

She had only a few moments to breath before he turned. He chased her around the house and out the door. She hid on the top of their deck roof for hours. She said by the time she came down Marko wasn’t running anymore just shambling. She got chased up on the SUV then i walked out.

I need a drink.  

[shayspannbauer318754]

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