#happy birthday to our peter pettigrew!!!

[starchaseriseverything]

Did I forget to post this yesterday? Yes. Did I realize it's not actually his birthday yesterday. Yes, but I was busy and I finished it yesterday.

Peter wakes up to a shout from downstairs, more than likely one of the boys as none of them are in their beds and the door is wide open, almost like they were in a rush to get out. Peter sees the rest of his roommates still sleeping, besides his friends who are supposed to be asleep as well, assuming it’s still before seven.

Peter gets up out of bed and walks out the door, already seeing the light on downstairs. He creeps down the stairs and hides behind the wall as his friends do something by the couches. “Siri, I swear.” Lily whispers, yelling at Sirius.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers back to the red-headed girl. “It slipped.”

“Pads!” James whisper yells when he walks back in through the portrait hole. Sybill walks in behind him. “What did you do!?”

“I dropped it.”

“How could you drop it!?” Sybill whispers back in a hurry. “That was for Peter!”

“It was your globe!”

“It was still a gift for him!”

“Guys, calm down.” Mary says, trying to break up the fight. “We’ll get a new one before anyone wakes up.”

Sybill groans and goes to pick up some pieces that shattered. “Okay, is everything ready?’ Alice asks, standing next to Frank looking at the few people who are still setting things up.

“I think so.” Marlene replies, not acknowledging James and Sirius who are running around putting things down and picking things up to put someplace else.

“James! Sirius!” Remus whisper yells. The two boys stop and put the things down they had and goes to stand next to the others.

“I think that’s it.” Lily says. Lily looks at her wrist. “It’s only seven and Peter won’t wake up for at least ten minutes.”

“So, we just wait?” James asks.

“Yeah, basically.” Mary replies. Peter hears his roommates come out of the room and down the stairs, ignoring him completely.

“Peter should be awake with how loud they are.” Remus says, walking towards the stairs. Peter rushes up the stairs and to his trunk, grabbing his school robes and into the bathroom.

Peter smiles when the doors shut. They remembered. They remembered my birthday. He thinks.

Peter only told them about his birthday at the end of their first year. That was when he finally trusted them enough to tell them everything and they complained about not throwing him a party for his birthday. They threw him a party every year since then, but they’ve been so busy this year that he thought no one would remember. Well, apparently, they did. And they invited his girlfriend.

Peter makes his face go to a neutral expression as to not let them know he knows before opening the door. He gets bombarded by streamers in his face. He spits the few confetti that got in his mouth out and stares at the three boys staring at him dumbfounded. “Happy birthday, Pete!” They yell, another streamer coming in contact with his face.

Once the confetti is out of his eyes, he finally smiles. “Thank you.”

The boys smile at him and pull him downstairs. To the four girls standing there with more streamers and they set them off and another from behind him belonging to Frank. His girlfriend sets another off from beside him and smiles. “Happy birthday, Petey.” Sybill says while smiling. Peter turns to her, picking her up and twirling her around. She yelps in surprise but smiles as he sets her down.

“I love you.” he whispers to her after kissing her on the lips.

She kisses him again. “I love you, too.”

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Party for Moony. Part 1.

Sirius remembered Remus's eleventh birthday. Sirius remembered the delicious chocolate cake his mum had prepared. Sirius remembered the books his dad had given him which made him happy. Sirius remembered the birthday song, the laughter, Remus's bright smile as he blew the candles.

It hadn't been a huge party or celebration. Remus didn't have more relatives. He didn't have friends at school. But it had been filled with love. Sirius had been surprised with the amount of hugs and kisses Remus had received from his parents. It was a shame Sirius had been the only one to witness it.

"Thank you for coming, Sirius. It was a nice birthday"

"Yeah! I hope you liked my card, Rosie" Of course, Remus was Rosie then. Sirius scratched his head in embarrassment "I didn't have money for a present. I'm a kid"

That made Remus laugh.

"I loved it!" To Sirius’s surprise, he received a kiss on the cheek "Best birthday ever"

Sirius remembered the details so well. But it was stupid that he didn't remember the date. It was until they were talking about Rugby and some match that was going to happen around March, that Remus mentioned it was his birthday. Sirius felt stupid to forget. He used to be Remus's best friend. And now he had missed five birthdays. He felt shitty about it.

"Of course! The beginning of March, right?" Sirius guessed.

"The 10th, yeah" Remus gave him a soft smile over his book.

"Cool! Are you a March child?" James commented with excitement "Me too! Mine's the 27th"

They hit palms. Then the subject was dropped. But Sirius couldn't stop thinking about it. It was mid February already. They had to plan something.

"We have to do something for Remus's birthday" Sirius told his friends at the dorm while Remus was studying with Lily.

"Yeah sure" James answered as he was typing on his laptop "We'll make a party in the Common Room"

He sounded like he didn't care. But Sirius had the urge to do something special. Make up for being a shitty friend and disappearing from Remus's life.

"It has to be something more special than a shitty party in the Common Room" Sirius groaned irritably. James and Peter looked at him.

"Watch it, Potter" Peter joked "Remus is winning your place as Sirius’s best friend"

"Shut up, Wormtail" James threw a pillow at him "I will always be Sirius’s best friend, right?"

"Yeah" Sirius didn't pay attention though. He was thinking of what could Remus enjoy. "It has to be something big" he added without noticing how James rolled his eyes "For what he told me, he hadn't had many friends. Or birthday parties. We have to party hard!"

"Yeah!" Peter beamed with the word party because he appreciated everything that sounded cool.

"Do you remember when we made that huge party at the beginning of fifth year? That even seven years wanted to come?" Sirius asked with a smile.

"Oh! That was wicked" Peter nodded.

James didn't look so happy.

"We should do something big again!" Sirius exclaimed "Invite the whole school!"

Peter beamed but James didn't. "Prongsie?"

"All of that for Lupin and not your best friend?" he murmured under his breath.

"What?"

"Yeah yeah!" he said louder "Sounds cool"

Sirius knew his best friend very well and he knew he was jealous. It was comical.

"Since Prongsie, our magesty, has also his birthday on March" he smiled as he sat on James's bed "We can make a joint party!"

James looked up at him with a pout. "You remember about me as well?"

Sirius giggled "Don't be an idiot, Potter" he said "It's just that Remus had never had a birthday party"

"Never?" Peter asked with surprise.

Sirius shook his head. "Well, he used to have dinner with his parents. But his mum is dead. And his dad is not here. We are his friends now. We should make him feel special"

James and Peter looked pitiful.

"Prongs, you've had plenty of parties, haven't you?" Sirius asked "And your parents will probably come to Hogsmeade for the weekend like every year... Remus will be all alone..."

James sighed "Fine, you are right"

"Plus, you said Remus was one of us now, didn't you?" Sirius asked with a smile "He is supposedly a Marauder now, isn't he?"

Sirius and Peter looked at their friend for a confirmation. James was unconsciously the one who said the last words when it came to Marauders business. And yes, they had told Remus over Christmas that he was one of them. They made him sign the Marauders' Code and all. They baptized him as Moony. They hadn't accepted anyone in their group before. But Remus was different. He was easily liked by all the boys.

James's mouth twisted in a smile. "Yeah of course he is one of us"

That made Sirius smile. He felt Remus was meant to be a Marauder.

"Huge Marauder fuckery then" Peter commented with hands on his hips "It is a sign that Remus and Prongs share birthday month. We can make March our annual time for a party chaos"

"We can make it a tradition" Sirius agreed. Then looking at James again for confirmation.

"Sure" James sighed with a slight smile "Sounds good"

"I also have an idea" Sirius added now that the three boys were sat at James's bed "Remember when we talked to Remus about his business?"

"He owns a business?" Peter asked clueless. Sirius hit his head.

"I'm talking about him being trans!"

"Oh yeah" Peter nodded embarrassed while his friends giggled.

"What does that have to do with his birthday?" James asked.

"I was thinking about presents and what he would like.." Sirius explained "A book? A sweater? Some chocolate?..." he shook his head "And then it hit me!" he smirked "He would like money for his surgery"

"To remove his boobs?" Peter asked making the others chuckle.

"Yes, Wormy. To remove his boobs"

"I don't think you can say boobs, though mate" James suggested.

"Tits?"

James shook his head.

"Melons?"

Sirius sighed as James started laughing "Melons?"

Peter shrugged "I don't know"

"How about chest?" Sirius intervened.

"That sounds better!" Peter exclaimed as Sirius ruffled his hair.

"Carry on, Padfoot" James tutted.

"With what?"

"You had an idea..."

"Oh yeah! Bloody Pettigrew distracted me..." Sirius rolled his eyes "I think we should take the advantage of the party, charge for the entrance or something and gather the money for Remus's surgery"

"Do you think people are going to pay for a party?"

"This school is full of rich wankers that would do anything to have a good time" Sirius explained "Plus, this would not be a common party. We have to make it more interesting, worth paying for" Sirius smiled at the end because he was excited about his own idea. He could picture Remus's smiley face already.

"I would pay for that" Peter commented.

"Good thing you have a free pass" Sirius answered.

"Yeah? How come?"

Sirius pursed his lips "You'll be one of the organizers" then bam, another hit on Peter's head. Then Sirius turned to James.

"Prongs?"

James was looking at Sirius in a strange way. It was a mixture of anger and jealousy, but also pride. James was the good bloke that went around helping others. Not Sirius. He was the hero. Not Sirius. He had ideas to cheer his friends up, not Sirius.

"You really like him, don't you?" James said calmy. As if he was accepting the idea. James was easygoing, good to make friends besides the Marauders. Not Sirius. But Remus was different. He was Sirius’s. In the way he was his friend first. In the way that he discovered how cool Remus was. In the way that Sirius could be liked by other people besides James. He was popular for being a Black and for being James Potter's best friend. But Remus was someone that proved Sirius could be liked for himself. And Sirius liked that.

Now, he blushed. James made birthdays a big deal for The Marauders. Not Sirius. The fact that Sirius cared this much about Remus's was weird.

He must've really liked Remus. And of course, Remus (Rosie back then) was the hype of his childhood. But Sirius was not a kid anymore. So this embarrassed him as a teenager.

Sirius shrugged "I like to do stuff for my friends" he blushed more.

James didn't tease him for blushing. He just pulled him closer to give him a kiss on his head.

"Remus is a Marauder. One of us" James said to his friends "So we have the mission to make him have the best birthday of his life"

When Sirius saw him smiling, he loved James more. He was really lucky to have him. And Remus would to.

"For Moony" he extended his hand in the middle of them. Moony had been his nickname for Remus since always. But now he didn't mind his friends using it as well.

"For Moony" James added immediately, doing the same.

"For Super Moony" Peter added last with a huge smile.

They all laughed and excitedly began planning everything before telling Remus the news.

[simply-cooler]

anyways here’s the marauders era characters at a taylor swift themed birthday party

gosh, that’s a lengthy title

lily evans is our birthday girl!! (wish her happy birthday!! >:( )

regulus black does NOT want to there, but james dragged him out of his hibernation cabin (his room). he’s in a black and white suit, and a snake ring. he refused to wear any color or do anything else taylor swift related.

sirius black is very excited to be there, unlike his brother. james still had to drag him out of his room because he is not a morning person. many pillows were thrown at james’ face that morning. hes also wearing a black and white suit but with a dark green tie, shoes, and an assortment of reputation rings.

barty crouch was invited by regulus as plus one as long as he behaved. (he did NOT behave, he threw up on the pavement due to too much drinking). he’s wearing black button up shirt and a leather miniskirt. he dyed his hair a streak of purple in honor of speak now. lily hated his outfit, but he was too busy partying to care.

lily evans, our lovely birthday girl, was in a green dress, her curls pinned up, and in cowboy boots. her nails were a beautiful teal color.

remus lupin obviously wanted to go, he loves his best friend, lily evans. however, he was very stressed about what to wear. “eras tour attire?!? lily, what even is that??” he exclaimed when he got the invite. with the help of lily and sirius, he found himself in a folklore cardigan, grey dress pants, a button up shirt, and grey dress shoes. he hated the outfit, “who wears a cardigan over a button up shirt?” he thought, but shut his mouth in support for lily.

mary macdonald was very, very excited for her best friends’ party. like barty, she also wanted to dress up for speak now. however, she took another approach with a purple ballgown, her curls with bows in them, and heels. she was very scared of upstaging her best friend. she checked many times that lily was okay with her outfit. lily being lily loved it and was happy that there were some of her friends who actually dressed up nice.

marlene mckinnon didn’t know much about taylor swift, but she was ready with the help of mary and lily. she opted for a big red shirt that stated “a lot going on right now”, little ripped black shorts and red sneakers. “are you sure i’m not underdressed,” she asked mary when seeing her ball gown. “no, you look lovely,” lily exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

dorcas meadows also didn’t know much about taylor swift, but she was assisted by Pinterest. she had created a board just for this event. she wore a long, flowly yellow dress and cowboy boots, representing the fearless era.

peter pettigrew wasn’t very excited to go. he loved lily and all that, but he didn’t know what to wear at all. he settled on a big, brown sweater and pants for evermore. lily let him borrow a necklace that had “evermore” written in gold, cursive letters.

james potter was very excited to go, in support of his girlfriend/friend (ur choice if u ship jily or not). he woke up bright and early, even before lily. he wore a red sweater and black dress pants, along with his spider-man sneakers. lily did not approve of his shoe choice, but didn’t say anything.

evan rosier was not invited, but came as bartys plus one. lily was very frustrated, saying that barty was a plus one, and that plus ones don’t get to invite other people. she was also remarking that there wasn’t enough food for them. so, evan came with a basket of his own snacks for him and his boyfriend, barty. he wore a white vest with black details and a white colored shirt under, along with white dress pants and black shoes. lily did not appreciate that he didn’t come as an era, but she was happy that he was dressed so formally. he also was the one to pat barry’s back as he puked.

pandora was not invited but evan took her as his plus one. lily was very angry to see that evan also brought someone with him. but, pandora was the most normal out of her, barty, and evan, so lily held her tongue. she wore a pink, heart resin top and a flowly white skirt. she had heart clips in her braids. lily even complimented her outfit.

predictably, the night was very chaotic.

[ashesandhackles]

Beyond the Veil (masterpost)

Co-written with @thedreamermusing

Sirius Black/Severus Snape. 97k.

A canon-divergent rewrite of Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows that follows the relationship between Sirius Black and Severus Snape. Think of it as mine and Dreamer's character study with romance.

Our list of chapters (and tiny previews where you can see we have experimented with multiple POVs) under the cut! Also a Snape and Lily prequel written by @thedreamermusing here: January 30th, 1975 (Happy Birthday Lily)

Chapter 1 - Prologue

Time was a standstill in these long hallways and empty rooms, full of memories that ticked under his skin like a pulse under a livid bruise.

Chapter 2 - changing perceptions

He was tempted to laugh, laugh like a maniac, at the absurdity, the injustice, out of grief--let out all his curled up emotions in a big hearty laugh. But then again, that hadn't worked out so well for him 15 years ago.

Chapter 3 - 12 Grimmauld Place meets Spinner's End

What Pettigrew lacked in skill; he made up for in malice.  This seemingly pusillanimous creature hid within him a rusty sword whose efficiency lay not in the sharpness of the blade, but in the unnoticed poison of the rust.

Chapter 4- Enemy of my Enemy

"I brought him here because I finally see the advantages of being brawny rather than brainy," Snape smirked.

Chapter 5 - The Prince and Padfoot

"You disgust me.” rang over and over in his head like a church bell, a judgement in a confessional, a whisper that haunted his ears when he dreamed and lay awake, sometimes unable to tell the difference.

Chapter 6 - Monsters and Old School Friends

His wildness hung over him like an aura of a predator. Long-limbed, lax, but there was danger bubbling within him, an inexplicable ferocity that filled the air around him. How could anyone else not see that monster?

Chapter 7 - Circular Path

When Severus saw it for the first time, he was amazed. It was an answer to a question he had all his life, a representation of what could be built if he just reached out for the future and grabbed it with greedy hands. Now, as Narcissa opened the door with a stone face belied by the terror in her eyes, he was able to see the Manor for what it really was--a mouldering dump of pureblood affectations that concealed its decay as well as Grimmauld Place accentuated it.

Chapter 8 - Tale of Two Black Stars

Severus had known all along how to see who held the room. It was ingrained in him since he was a child. In Spinner's End, it was his father. A looming presence of overbearing violence that his mother, his magical mother, cowered against. He noticed it again in the playground - where Lily flew in air, in a burst of extraordinarily controlled magic. 

Chapter 9 - The Wounds of Men

He did not know where their sudden leap of faith for the ferret came from ( “C’mon mate, I know Malfoy is a git but Death Eater is serious business!” ), but it made him feel stupid and ridiculous--it was almost as if he was back at Aunt Petunia’s, listening to her sweet talk the neighbours about Harry’s delinquency. ( “He told you he sleeps under a cupboard? A nasty, nasty lie! But the poor dear has got no one else; his parents didn’t leave us any money as well. It’s been such a strain on our finances…” 

Chapter 10 - By The Light of The Full Moon

The first week at Azkaban was truly horrendous. Peter valued his mind - it was his best weapon and it helped him fade into the background. Losing the ability to think clearly, unable to tell dreams and memories apart; it was a sensation that terrified him. It felt like getting sucked into the quicksand of his resentment and anger and guilt that he kept at bay. He didn’t want to feel it. What use were those emotions, if they failed to help him survive?

Chapter 11 - Face Death in Hope

Death, Pain - all unavoidable things. Things he had to play with - in hope that one day, he would be able to expiate what he was carrying.  He would not live to see it, he was sure. But he could hope. The only relief he had is that he would not die by his - Gellert’s- hand. “I am the only one who should be allowed to kill you,” he had said, a declaration, a threat - he wasn’t sure. “It is me that keeps you alive.”

Chapter 12 - Who Are You?

He was a son of the House of Malfoy, a noble house, one of the sacred 28, whose line went back generations. Their legacy was set in stone, the purity of their blood unquestioned. It infuriated him that nobody recognised that--that Potter, with his filthy mixed blood and mudblood mother--didn’t recognise that. And now, it had become so much worse. His father was a laughingstock. His mother looked pale and frightened all the time. It was up to him to bring things back to normal.

Chapter 13 - The Last Enemy (Part 1)

There were so many things that he thought were forgotten, so many memories whose life and colour had been drained away by grief and Azkaban. But standing here in the square, it was clear that they had always been there. He had felt something similar after walking into the doors of Grimmauld Place for the first time, but the only memories rising to surface there were of misery long-replaced. Here, every bit of youthful joy and love rose and flickered through his mind like stained-glass colours through snow, and every unremarkable step they had ever made on the square seemed precious in a fragile kind of way. 

Chapter 14 - Shedding the Maker's Skin

“Lyall Lupin,” Fenrir said, smiling at the infinitesimal jerk Remus’ body gave. “I knew you came from money, boy. You’re his son, aren’t you?”

Remus went cold. 

“Soulless, evil and deserving of nothing but death,” Fenrir quoted. “That is what he believes.”

A rage Remus had never felt before was travelling up his spine, fossilising hatred into the marrow of his bones.

Chapter 15 - Ozymandias

Once upon a time, Voldemort had looked at Snape and seen a mirror, a broken mirror of course, because Severus did not have even a shadow of his charisma, charm, looks, or skill. But even so, when Severus had come to him, an angry, profoundly gifted young half-blood brewing with hatred over his Muggle heritage, he had been so hopeful at his promise. They had both seemed to view the world in the same way; they both understood that magic was where power lay. Magic had made Voldemort immortal and then mortal again. They both respected it in a way nobody else did, and Voldemort had thought he found someone who could equal Bellatrix’s esteem. 

But Severus’s weakness had been disgustingly banal. To think that it was lust of all things to claim him, and lust for a plain Mudblood at that. And now, it was the same, only for Lucius’s dullard of a wife.

Chapter 16 - In Noctem (Carry My Soul)

The idea of it makes me feel ill. He is no longer whole; his soul is distorted. He is no better than those vile creatures that guard Azkaban. He intended to murder Kreacher, who has been serving our family for generations. Our family, whose blood is pure and unbroken, has been used to destroy the soul of a magical being. It has become clear to me now. This monster will ruin us all more than any mudblood ever will. 

Chapter 17 - Wings to the Kingdom

Until the time Death claims me, let the moth sing to your bones: I loved you since I saw you. I loved you when I hated you. I loved you when you betrayed us. I loved you when you destroyed me. 

Yours, Gellert.

Chapter 18 - The Last Enemy (Part 2)

The window brought in a draft of salt as Remus cut up chicken for the Order lunch.  Tonks was just beside him, mashing the potatoes with zeal, her arm brushing up against his own on occasion. He felt embarrassed, it was ridiculous the degree to which any proximity to her affected him. It was the isolation of the cottage, he thought, that seemed to keep them away from the dark cloud hovering above them.  It was the rhythm of the sea, a comforting lullaby of a different world, a different life.

Chapter 19 - A Lament in the Ashes

Where is my golden palace? Where is my ivory bed? Where is the joy of my morning hour? Where the Sons of Eternity are singing, Draco thumbed through the book from the shelves in the bedroom. Years ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of perusing a book of poetry written by a Muggle.

Chapter 20 - Epilogue

“It must be nice,” he said. “To start again every time you die. You can make as many mistakes as you want and be reborn from them.” 

Fawkes trilled. The corner of Serverus’s mouth lifted. 

[lovely-peace]

The Power of Orion and Walburga Black

The power of Orion and Walburga Black Part 1 (Sirius Black x Reader I am very sorry for my bad English!! English isn't my first language and this is my first fanfiction so I hope you can forgive my bad writing style :'))

The letter

Sirius Black was a difficult man. A person who you cannot tame. A free soul. His parents were never really phased by that. They still tried to make him the person they wanted him to be. But they always failed and he was proud of that.

Well, that's what he thought.

His parents were not shocked when he ran off. "Good", they thought, "now is that problem out the way. " But their pride was damaged even though they would never admit that. Their first born son just ran off to the Potters of all people.

Gryffindors. Even though Blacks were always in Slytherin.

They knew he would be trouble when he was sorted into Gryffindor.

" What will the people think of the noble house black?? The pureblood prodigy! The proud Slytherin estate! Lost their son to a muggle friend… To a Gryffindor…"

Tough times for such pride and stuck up human beings. But Sirius couldn't care less. He learned from his best friend James Potter to be proud of himself that he was in fact a Gryffindor. He hated his parents. He hated the place he was forced to call home for the first 11 years of his life. He hated the Black lifestyle. So he decided to go to the Potters. Because James was his light in the pitch Black atmosphere of the pressure which was on him.

The marauders. James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. Four Gryffindors.

Some would call them troublemakers but for Sirius they were home. No pureblood idealogy, no pressure to be a heir. Just him and his friends doing silly pranks.

The letter arrived.

It was his birthday. He turned 17, was finally an adult. It was his 7th year in Hogwarts. He hadn't heard from his parents since he moved to the Potters and he was happy about it. Sirius got presents from his friends and from his new family. The day started so good.

But then the owls came.

The great hall was a magical place. The food was good and the four friends always fooled around. Well, Remus maybe not always but he had at least a smile on his face. But all that seemed like a dream to Sirius when he saw what was coming.

The black family owl.

At first he was sure it would fly to Regulus. With a letter in which it would remind him not to be like Sirius.

It came his way. To the Gryffindor table.

When the owl landed on his table he couldn't move. The owl spatted the letter in front of him and looked at him with big eyes. Like it was waiting. The conversation of his friends stopped. They didn't know what was going on. Sirius was frozen in his place. He didn't know what to think, what to do, hell he didn't even know how to breathe in that moment.

"What's wrong, Padfoot?" asked James. His hand was in his hair, like always when he was nervous. Peter took the letter and wanted to take a look at it, but the owl poked him before he could open it. It seemed to glare at him. "Ouch, what is wrong with this owl?!" he said. "It doesn't want anyone to open the letter except me. It was raised to bring letters only to the worthy ones. The Blacks. That's what my parents think." Sirius explained with a monotone voice. Remus looked at him with a confused look in his eyes. "Why aren't you opening it then? It's your birthday, it can't be that bad." Remus tried to reason with him.

But he didn't know what he was talking about. It will be bad.

Sirius was shaking when he opened the letter. This time the owl didn't move. The 3 friends of his waited. There was a tense atmosphere in the room.

Dear Sirius, Your mother and I decided it is finally the time you will be more than a nuisance to our family. You are a man now. As our first son, you have a duty to forfill. As your parents we decided you will be marrying (y/l/n y/n). The parents of her already agreed to the ceremony. It will be on her 17th birthday.

You can be relieved that anyone was willing to marry you, after all the shame you brought upon our family. We expect a heir from you two after you graduate from hogwarts.

AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM THIS LAST CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO US.

You will meet her on Christmas. YOU WILL COME HOME FOR THIS OCCASION.

Sirius didn't even realize he was holding his breath until he breathed again. His friends were all waiting for him to explain what was written in the letter. But Sirius was to shocked to say anything. He was angry. So, so angry that he didn't have any control over his own life. His parents still had this influence on his life even though he left them behind. He was still just a Black. Nothing more to anyone else except for his friends. Nothing more to his future wife. Why would she agree to marry him, when she didn't even know him, if it weren't for him being a Black?

So he made a promise to himself. He wouldn't make it that easy for his family.

Little did he know…

… That y/n received a similar letter to his across the great hall. Her parents hadn't talked to her about any marriage. She had no problem with marrying Sirius Black. She had a problem with being arranged to marry him, just for money and a pureblood heir.

She always liked him. Since year 1 when he picked up her stuff and smiled at her after she let them fall.

But she didn't believe her parents knew or cared about that. And that frustrated her. She always wanted to talk to Sirius. But now she wasn't sure what to do. She was sad that they won't be able to be a normal couple. That he will never see her as a normal human being.

Only as an example of the power his parents had over him.

[bunny-bopper]

I posted 979 times in 2022

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Blogs I reblogged the most:

@maikanna

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@snapecentric

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I tagged 467 of my posts in 2022

#snupin - 56 posts

#severus snape - 38 posts

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Longest Tag: 103 characters

#and i don't wanna download it because i want to contribute to the ratings when it finally does get here

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Rules: List the first lines of your last 10 stories. See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some people to take part.

Thanks for tagging me @logicgunn! I haven't done this in a while :)

Well They're No Friends Of Mine

(hp, snupin, marauder's era, oneshot)

"Look at him. Skulking about as usual."

Puffed Up Like A...

(hp, lucius malfoy/oc, lucissa, oneshot)

It had not been real.

A Little Nudge

(sga, mcshep, oneshot)

“Fine,” Rodney announced, slamming his tray down on the table, “I give up.”

The Truth Will Out

(hp, snupin, multi chapter, adult)

He knows something is wrong before the potion even touches his lips.

The Reckoning of Severus Snape

(hp, severus snape/euphemia rowle, oneshot, adult, dark)

There was never any performance: no lustful moans or delicate sighs, no hair cascading artfully down one shoulder, no sweetly whispered words, and certainly no declarations of love.

I Like Mine With A Kiss

(hp, fleur/tonks, multi chapter, adult)

Ever since she was a little girl, Fleur simply could not stand mess.

The Potion Seller and the Wolf

(hp, snupin, multi chapter, fairytale au)

The forest held few surprises for Severus Snape.

Aurora

(hp, severus snape/aurora sinistra, oneshot, adult)

"Are you okay, love? Do you want to stop?"

Narcissa

(hp, snucissa, oneshot, adult)

"Lay back down, darling. That's a good boy."

Bellatrix

See the full post

27 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#4

Kinky Snupin sex, you say?

Is there any other kind? lol.

I thought I had more recs but the only one I seem to have bookmarked is Five Time Lupin and Snape Should Not Have Had Sex At Order Headquarters (But Couldn't Help It) by Snegurochka. Seriously - it's got everything. Humour, angst, kink, and even has surprisingly sweet ending.

I'd quite like to do a kinky Snupin rec list at some point. If anyone has any they want to share please feel free to add to this post!

My kinkiest fic by far is The Truth Will Out which I am actually going to update - shocking I know - today or tomorrow!

29 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

#3

The Truth Will Out

A Remus/Severus fic 

Rating: E

Summary: When Severus spikes his Wolfsbane with truth potion, Remus reveals something neither of them expected.

Tags: porn with plot, porn with feelings, bdsm, dom/sub elements, dom severus snape, sub remus lupin, bondage, edgeplay, spanking, humiliation 

Chapter 11 is up in which it all breaks down at the role reversal. Or does it?

41 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#2

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Remus Lupin & Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape

Characters: Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Mary Macdonald

Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, snupin - Freeform, POV Remus Lupin, Yule Ball (Harry Potter), Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Bullying, Dancing

Summary:

Whenever his friends pull a prank on Snape, Remus always looks the other way. But what if there's another option?

52 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just need a scene at the Battle of Hogwarts where Snape reveals his loyalties by breaking his cover to save someone's life. Then I need an epically clichéd fight scene where he takes on like ten Death Eaters and wins easily. Oh and I need it set to a soundtrack - preferably a classic pop rock song completely incongruous to a fight scene but someone works incredibly well.

98 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sunflower-wormwood]

james speaks sarcasm

peter doesn’t feel appreciated

remus thinks they hate him and they think he hates them but they all jus love each other sm

sirius is dumb.

[giffgaff6592]

anything for our moony

All the Young Dudes by MsKingBean89

[cherrynott]

howlers; h.p.

pairing: harry james potter x fem!reader

synopse: everytime harry fucks anything up and gets in trouble, there is a bet: which howler will he be receiving?

warnings: everything’s fine au, howlers, james and sirius being an iconic duo, just fluff

word count: 1.4k

a/n: this idea is from a pin i saw (can’t link it here), so credits to its owner! hope you enjoy it :)

.

Harry James Potter's life was no easy task, but in the best way possible.

Voldemort had been defeated on the fateful 31st October of 1981, within the dark sky of halloween night. No one knew exactly what happened; just that he went to the Potter's to kill the youngest of them, and the curse, apparently, backfired. There was also a rumor about a stag and a black dog, but we will not get into detail. All that mattered was that Voldemort was gone. For good.

Most of his followers went to Azkaban, including Peter Pettigrew, for his betrayal and hidden devoted passion to the dark side. There were some rebellions in the following years, but nothing too big, as their leader had fallen. And because there were such good aurors taking care of everything.

So, having James Potter as his father, Sirius Black as his godfather, and Remus Lupin as his, basically, second father and godfather, growing up was eventful, to say the least.

Don't get him wrong; he absolutely loved them with all of his might. He just wished that they made it easier for him sometimes. Like now, for example.

It was a typical wednesday morning. Everyone was in the Great Hall, as breakfast time was still going and there would be no classes for another half an hour.

You were currently almost completely in your boyfriend's lap, eating your cereals and talking happily to Ginny and Hermoine.

Harry, however, was not very happy; in fact, he was dreading every minute of this breakfast.

He had his arms wrapped around your waist, and his head was buried in your shoulder, eyes closed. He was trying his best to ignore his friends' teasing, the glances from people around and, mainly, the big windows.

Why? Because Hedwig would enter the Hall any minute now. Why was he dreading it? Howlers, of course.

He had pranked Snape along with the Weasley twins the previous day. It was pretty good, if you asked Harry. All of the cauldrons had exploded, and confetti was thrown at Snape, as it was his birthday. They just had to do it. One week of detention and McGonagalls lectures were more than worth it. But there was a little detail that Harry always seemed to forget; the howler he would get the day after.

There were just three options:

1, James and Sirius congratulating him and wishing they were there;

2, Lily wanting to beat his arse;

Or 3, everything mixed together and the complete chaos.

So, here he was; trying to hide in you, hoping you would save him. "Harry, love, I swear to Merlin, I loved your prank-"

"Hey!--" Fred and George yelled from somewhere.

"- but what were you expecting? They do this all the time. You better be hoping that my mom won't be in that howler, then it would be embarrassing," you grinned at him. In all honesty, you usually were involved in the mess (growing up with Harry would do that to you) and your mom was a troublemaker along with the Marauders in their years- the only voice of sense being Lily (even though we all know that Lily secretly loved it all). So, this didn't really faze you; it was actually amusing.

You weren't part of this prank because Harry wanted it to be a surprise. And one hell of a surprise it was.

You too got a week worth of detention because you couldn't stop laughing. Ron and Dean got 3 days. The rest of the students got all one night just because.

"Why can't they just be normal people?" Harry's muffled voice asked.

You rolled your eyes, still smiling. "We are talking about our families here, Harry. Nothing less should be expected."

A few moments passed. Everyone was talking with their friends, and the High Table was still full with all of the professor's and staff. The noise in the Great Hall was full of life, and it was strangely comforting.

Suddenly all the chatter died down, and everyone was looking at the windows. Harry immediately seated upright and snapped his head to the windows direction.

The motion almost made you fall, and that made Harry wrap his arms tighter around you, and pull your body flushed against his well-built chest.

A snowy owl majestically flew around the room with two letters in its beak. One of them was bright red.

Harry loudly groaned which got several chuckles from around. He could swear that Hedwig did this every time for attention. Sirius probably bribed her to do it; fly in the most attention-bringer moment. Fucking Padfoot.

The letters fell into your lap, as you were still on Harry. You cackled loudly as you picked the howler up and wiggled it right in front of Harry's face.

Harry pouted and took the letter, sighing. Looking around, he saw every single pair of eyes on them, the silence defining.

Harry closed his eyes tightly in exasperation, taking one last deep breath, and opened the howler.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER, WHAT THE HELL--" Lily's voice bellowed.

"I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU, SON!--"

"James Fleamont,"

"MOONY MOONY MOONY, DID YA HEARD ABOUT THE PRANK?!"

"SIRIUS, NO! WHERE DID YOU CAME FROM, OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"PADS, THE PRANK ON SNIVELLUS, BRILLIANT! He learned it from me--"

"Actually, if he learned it from someone it was from me. Remember that time, Remus and Sirius were--" your mother's voice echoed through the letter.

"NO! Out of here!" Remus' voice yelled in the background.

"And he got what? One week worth of detention? AMAZING!" Sirius laughed.

"Minnie's getting soft, honestly--"

"Harry, please behave; I love you- James you get back here right this second or I swear to Godric."

"Lily-flower, darling, hey--!" James yelped after a big metallic bang!.

"Goodbye, Harry, " Remus chuckled.

"Don't forget to write to us! And you too Y/N!" your mother excitedly said.

"PADFOOT NO--!"

And the howler ended.

For ten solid seconds, no one said anything.

And then, the chaos started.

Yells and money was being passed around. At this point, it was regular free entertainment for everyone. Harry wanted to at least pretend that he was embarrassed, but really, he couldn't.

You yelled out a 'yes!' before jumping from Harry’s lap and running to the High Table.

Once you reached it, you slammed your two hands right in front of Dumbledoor and McGonagall. "Well, professor, it seems like you have a small debt to pay, isn't it?" you smirked.

Dumbledoor sighed. "Very well. Ms. Y/L/N," he gave you a small bag full of galleons. "Minerva," he gave McGonagall another one.

"Yes, Albus, Ms. Y/L/N is quite right, I reckon. And I believe you also owe me something, no?" Minerva raised her eyebrows with a small proudful smile.

You high-fived McGonagall, who rolled her eyes, and put your galleons in a hidden pocket of your robe. "Nice doing business with you. Headmaster, Minnie," you started to walk run back to her table.

When you got there, everything was still the same. Yells, laughs, bickering, the usual. You took place in your boyfriend's lap again, this time facing him and grinned as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Hello there, my love!"

Harry bit his lip, trying to contain his amusement. "How much did you get this time?"

You eyed him suspiciously. However, you quickly gave in when Harry raised an eyebrow. "...20 galleons," you answered proudly.

Harry grinned. "Why do they keep betting with you?"

"Maybe they still haven't memorised the sore taste of loss?" you sighed dramatically.

"Merlin, I love you so much," Harry laughed and brought your face closer.

"Of course you do, doesn't everybody?" you teased.

Harry deadpanned.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding, I've been spending way too much time with Padfoot, haven't I?" you tried again. No response from Harry. You then beamed. "I love you."

Harry brushed your lips together, a soft smile adorning his face. And when you were sure he would kiss you, he suddenly smirked. "Doesn't everybody?"

"Harry James Potter!"

Yes, his life really was not easy, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

[crazyk-imagine]

Napkins

Pairings: Sirius Black/ reader

Characters: Reader, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans

Briefly mentioned: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin

Warnings:

Word Count: 1,570

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m happy.” 

“Because you’re with me?” Sirius throws his arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer. 

“No, you toad,” you shove his arm off you. 

“What’s got you all happy?” 

“James and Lily are finally together. Remus is doing alright after last night. I think he’s taking a nap. Anyway, Peter was nice enough to go to the kitchen to grab a few things for Moony.” 

“And?” 

“Our little group is having a rare calm day. It makes me happy.” You smile, staring at him. 

Sirius steps in front of you, walking backwards with his arms behind his back. “And?” 

You tilt your head, “and what?” 

“You forgot to mention one other very important person.” 

“Oh, right? Minnie’s doing good. I think her birthday is coming up soon, so I was thinking-” 

“Not her. Me!” 

You nod, “right, right. Yes, you... are... not looking... as tired as you could.” 

“Really?” 

“What? It was a compliment.” 

“You could have mentioned my dashing good looks or my fabulously soft hair or my amazing skills.” 

“As if you need someone to boost your ego.” 

“I do. You have no idea the kind of pressure I have when it comes to these things.” 

“What? The next girl you want to "date" has softer hair than you?” 

His eyes widen and he gasps. He right in front of you before you can comprehend it. He’s holding onto your shoulders, “you take that back! Take it back now!” 

You do your best to suppress your amusement but fail. “No,” you swat at his arms, “get off of me.” You push him off you. 

“No. Hey! Get here!” He shouts, watching you run down towards the end of the hallway. 

Peering your head around the corner, you shout, “No!” And take off, doing your best to get to the Gryffindor entrance before him. 

Glancing over your shoulder, eyes widen in alarm when you see Sirius is only a few feet away and duck through the entrance, running into the common room. 

-

The two of you stumble upon the newest couple. 

“Well, well, well... What do we have here?” Sirius jokes, interrupting the two. 

James gives Pads an annoyed look as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend. 

Lily doesn’t respond, not because she couldn’t think of anything. It’s only because she’s blushing so much to say anything. She’s embarrassed… her best friend and one of James’ best friends had caught them. 

“We were enjoying our time away from you.” 

You sit on the floor, staring at the fire. 

“You're so mean Jamie,” Sirius whines. 

He stomps his feet, making his way towards you and dramatically collapses onto your lap. 

He leans on your legs so his torso’s floating above the ground with his arms wide open. “Hold me.” 

You scoff, shoving him off you. 

-

Peter enters the room, shaking his head when he sees Sirius pouting. He assumes it’s something you’ve done… or not done. 

Peter holds the small basket up, shaking it to let you know he’s back. 

-

You push yourself off the ground... only to be brought back down into a certain soft haired “dog's” lap. “Let me go.” 

“No.” 

“I need to help-” 

“No.” 

“But-” 

“No! You’re staying here!” He whines louder than before. 

“Shut up Pads. Not everyone needs to hear your loudmouth.” 

“I happen to think I have an appropriate sounding mouth.” 

“Oh Merlin,” you mutter. 

“Why’re you two here anyway? There are plenty of other places to be “alone” together. I can tell you all of the best spots.” He winks at the couple. 

“We don’t really want to go somewhere tainted with germs,” Lily says with sass. 

You chuckle. “What’re you laughing at?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Fine.” He snuggles into you. His chin rests on your shoulder as he leans his head on yours. 

"Sorry Peter. Send Remus my love." 

"SEnD ReMuS mY lOvE," Sirius mimics to himself. 

Although he was most definitely not quiet because everyone rolls their eyes at his behavior. 

“What made you two want to stay here? I thought you two were going on a date?” You ask. 

“We were-” Lily begins but is cut off by a certain boyfriend of hers. 

“But then my darling Lilykins,” James turns, smiling at his girlfriend, “got crumbs on her,” his eyes travel down to her lips, “luscious lips,” he mutters the last couple of words to himself. 

You and Lily look at one another and shake your heads. 

“Just because she’s your girl doesn’t mean you can try and have your way with her anywhere you want? We weren’t even gone for that long and you...” Sirius clicks his tongue, making a tsk tsk noise as he shakes his head. 

You slap his arm gently but Sirius being Sirius makes a big dramatic scene. “Stop it. Anyway, I’m happy you two are together but please for my sanity and whatever innocence I have left. Do that somewhere more private... you know if you do decide to go further. I’m perfectly fine if you two want to make out but remember Lily,” you turn to look at her, “we have children among us and we both know I’m not talking about the actual children that go to this school.” 

James and Sirius let out an offended noise. 

“True. We’ll do our best to keep it to a minimum. If I can get this one,” she points to James, “to corporate.” 

The two of you break into a fit of laughter. 

"Corporate," you and Lily repeat, turning red as you hold your stomachs that are beginning to ache from too much laughter. 

“I feel I should be able to kiss my girlfriend whenever I want,” James grumbles, interrupting you two. 

You fan your face, exhaling slowly as you tried to compose yourself. 

Lily covers her eyes and focuses on her breathing. 

“Prongs, you can totally do that no one's stopping you but... think of me." 

You elbow Sirius. 

"Us. Think of us, your very best friends." 

James narrows his eyes at Sirius. 

Your eyes widen in alarm. “Hey- Hey Pads, maybe- maybe we should uh ease up on them. James has been waiting to get with her. He’s happy, she’s happy. Let's leave them be.” 

Sirius turns his head so he can look at you. “And why on earth would I let Prongs kiss Mrs. Prongs?” He asks with a raised brow. 

You glance back at James who was no longer on the couch. “C’mon, you know you’re happy for them.” 

“Of course, I’m happy for the idiot.” 

“Hey!” James interjects, pouncing on Sirius' back. 

-

You fight Sirius' hold and escape before James could tackle you too. 

"I see you made it out alive," Lily comments. 

"Of course, I did. There's no way I'm getting roped up in," you gesture towards Sirius who has James in a headlock. "That." 

"I don't blame you. I'm lucky James doesn't have more injuries after he plays quidditch." 

"Yeah, same with Sirius. Why can't they use all this energy on the field?" 

"They do but they somehow get more." 

"Or maybe they save it for us. So, what really brought you two here?" 

“I came here to change my sweater.” 

“Why?” 

“James dropped his snack on me, and I got crumbs all over me. Do you think I’m going to walk around with crumbs and stains all over me?” 

“No but you could have grabbed a napkin-” 

“I did! James did but he made it worse, so I figured I’d just come here and change my sweater.” 

“And then you found another way to get warm?” You tease. 

Lily blushes, close to turning the same shade as her hair. “Oh shush. What’d you do?” 

You gasp. “I did nothing.” 

Lily purses her lips. 

“Fine. I was mentioning how I’m happy all of us are able to relax today and I may not have mentioned the idiot and he got upset.” 

“I wonder why?” 

“What are talking about?” 

“The girl he loves didn’t say anything about him.” 

You scoff through your nose. “Okay, he doesn’t love me.” 

“Proves how little you pay attention.” 

“How can I think he loves me when he talks about all the girls he dates?” 

“To make you jealous.” 

“of course. Why didn’t I think of that?” 

“You’ll see.” 

“Will I now?” 

“If he’s anything like James. He won’t give up.” 

“Thank Merlin there’s only one James.” 

“Yes, and he’s mine.” 

“How sweet.” 

“Who’s sweet?” James asks, fixing his glasses. 

“Your darling girlfriend.” 

“I would hope so.” 

“James!” 

“I say it with love!” 

-

You chuckle and shake your head at the two and get off the couch giving the two more space. 

You turn to see Sirius sitting on chair, leaning his chin on hand as he stares at you. 

When he notices you looking at him, he smiles and pats the chair. 

You roll your eyes and sit beside him. 

He wraps his arms around you. 

You lean into him and smile. 

-

Lily snuggles into James and glances your way. 

-

You feel eyes on you and find her watching you two with raised brows. 

You purse your lips and look away, snuggling further into Sirius. 

‘She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.’ 

-

James nudges Lily bringing her out of her thoughts. 

He gestures toward the two of you. 

She shakes her head. 

‘Idiots.’ The two think as they watch the two of you sitting together chatting.

[the-dream-team]

Chlorine

A fluffy little one-shot for @efkgirldetective's summer of jily week two prompt: swimming with friends // Today we're younger than we're ever gonna be <3

“What in Merlin’s name is that smell?” gagged Sirius, bringing his towel up to cover his nose.

Mary swotted him with a bright green foam noodle. “That’s just the chlorine, you knob. It’s a chemical Muggles use to keep the water clean.”

“The water’s not clean?” squeaked Peter, his beady eyes widening.

“Take a look around Pettigrew,” laughed Mary, gesturing wildly. “There are about a trillion little kids running around with saggy trunks and juice-stained mouths, it’s not exactly the Prefect’s bathroom here.”

The group of teenagers took a moment to survey their surroundings. Sirius was right, the thick summer air reeked of chlorine wafting from unnaturally electric blue swimming pools, packed with screaming children, brightly colored floaties, and haggard parents. Behind the main pool, reaching up to the sky, stood two impressive slides, winding and bending in every direction before opening up into a smaller basin. Once every minute, the slide discarded a new, squealing child into the water with an eruptive splash.

Lily eyed the Muggle kids with some trepidation. “Are we too old to be here?” she asked, eyes shifting as she clutched her copy of Herbology for Potioneers a little closer to her chest. “It feels like everyone else is about a decade younger than us.”

“Don’t worry too much about that, Evans,” said James, a bright smile aimed in her direction. “Today we’re younger than we’re ever going to be, anyway!” He nudged her affectionately, resulting in a rosy hue that spread across her cheeks as their bare shoulders made contact.

“Alright,” announced Remus after barely dodging a rogue beach ball, “let’s find a place to put our towels before these buggers realize we’re easy targets.”

They managed to snag a row of plastic lounge chairs beside the wave pool to dump their belongings on before Sirius set his sights on the towering waterslides across the park.

“You said these slides were crazy fast, right MacDonald?” Sirius asked, a dangerous gleam in his eye.

“They’re the fastest in Britain,” grinned Mary, tossing her sunnies aside. “And you get some serious air on your way out, it’s the closest thing Muggles have to flying, I’d argue.”

Lily tensed and quickly diverted her attention to her book, though her eyes remained still as she stared at the pages. Almost no one noticed her sudden discomfort.

“That’s bloody brilliant,” grinned Sirius. “Last one to the top has to buy us a round of those mushie drinks.”

“They’re called slushies, Padfoot.”

“Call them whatever you want, Moony, but I want a blue one.” Sirius discarded his t-shirt onto a chair and kicked off his sandals in preperation. “Prongs, do you think we could convince the lifeguards to let us go down the slides together?”

But James wasn’t paying attention to Sirius. “Nah, go ahead without me,” he said, eyes trained on Lily as she continued intently staring at her book. “I think I’m gonna start out a little slower with the lazy river. Evans, care to keep me company?”

Lily’s eyes snapped up to see Sirius’ dropped jaw, Mary’s raised eyebrows, and James’ steady smile.

“Oh,” she said, her voice finding a higher octave than usual, “sure, I could join you.”

“Fine,” grumbled Sirius, pulling the others along with him, “but I’m coming to find you at that dopey river after our first round on the slides. I won’t let you be boring all day, Prongs.”

James shrugged, barely paying the others any mind as he extended a hand to Lily. She watched their friends saunter off before accepting his help to stand up.

“Hold on there, Evans,” said James, plucking her book from her hands and tossing it back onto their pile of towels, “I can’t have you doing homework; today is all about having fun!”

“Then why aren’t you going with the others to the slides?”

He paused, considering her question with a smile. “Because you’re way more fun than a couple of waterslides.”

Before she had a chance to respond, James pulled her away from the chairs and towards the center of the park, their bare feet slapping against sizzling cement as they navigated around young children and indifferent lifeguards.

The lazy river lived directly across from the concession stand, perfectly situated for parents who wanted to keep an eye on their floating kids while they enjoyed a cool beer and a basket of hot chips. The river wound itself around an impressive structure resembling a fairytale castle, complete with canons that sprayed water onto passerbys and waterfalls that poured over plastered mountainsides and into its surrounding moat.

At the water’s edge sat a pile of tubes, growing hot under the unrelenting midday sun. James released Lily’s hand to secure them two floats, missing her subtle disappointed huff at the loss of his grip when he turned his back on her. But by the time he handed over her tube, she’d managed to rearrange her face into a neutral smile.

“After you, Evans,” he said with a little bow, extending an arm towards the gently rolling river.

She rolled her eyes at the exaggerated chivalry, but stepped forward nonetheless, carefully placing her tube in the water and lowering herself into the center. The water, cool and refreshing, lapped against her backside and kissed her heels as she hung her legs over the tempered rubber.

James took a different approach, choosing to throw his own tube unceremoniously into the water before giving himself a running start to cannonball onto it. Lily screeched as he nearly jumped directly on top of her.

“You prat!” she laughed, splashing water on his face, covering his glasses in little droplets.

“You know you love me,” he teased, a glint in his eye.

The pink glow that spread across her cheeks could have passed as a light sunburn, but the way James’ eyes flashed suggested he’d picked up on the truth. His dimples appeared despite the attempt to keep his grin at bay.

“So, Potter,” she started, choosing to change the subject, “what drew you to the lazy river, other than the obvious similarities you share?”

James drove an imaginary dagger into his chest. “You wound me, Evans! But if you must know, I thought it’d be the perfect place to chat with you.”

If the river’s current hadn’t continued pulling them along, Lily might have thought time had stood still. “To chat?”

“Yeah,” he responded as though it were obvious, “the playground would be too noisy with all the kids running around, it seems like we would’ve spent more time underwater than above it at the wave pool, and the hot tubs are simply not weather appropriate.”

“With me?”

It was finally James’ turn to look surprised. “Of course! I’ve spent my whole summer mucking about with the boys, but I’ve hardly seen you since Peter’s party and I missed talking with you.”

Lily tried passing off her pleased burst of laughter as a scoff. “I always forget how forthright you are.”

“I’m an open book,” he replied, sticking her with a pointed stare she couldn’t see as she averted her own gaze, attempting to hide her growing blush he had already clocked.

“I wish I could be more like that,” she spoke to the distance, to the cloudless expanse of sky, hoping it would relay the message to the boy whose intertube continued bouncing rhythmically against her own as they traveled in endless circles.

“As a kid,” she continued, “I loved playgrounds. Gravity melted away when I sailed off swings and soared through slides, when my magic took over before I even knew what I was. But the uncontrollable flying always scared my parents, so when my family visited parks, I’d be kept on the sidelines, hidden away to avoid causing a scene. I guess I got pretty good at hiding.”

“Do you want help practicing?”

Lily jerked her attention back to James and his easy eyes, his ruffled hair. “What?”

“Do you want help practicing being an open book?” he repeated simply. “I happen to be an expert and I’d be happy to lend my talents.”

His cheeky grin earned him a light splashing and an only-slightly-exasperated huff. “You know what, fine. Teach me your ways, Potter.”

“Alright,” he said, eyes brightening as he adjusted his position on his tube to face her more fully, “we’ll start with easy questions and then get gradually harder from there. The only rule is that you have to answer honestly.”

Lily sunk slightly into the hole of her intertube, but nodded, resting her chin on her folded arms, fingers mindlessly dipping in and out of the passing water below.

“First off, who is your best friend?”

“That’s your easy question?” Lily guffawed.

“What?” asked James, watching her curiously. “I already know the basics. Your favourite colour is forest green, you like chocolate biscuits best, and your sister is a piece of work. Now, who is your best friend?”

“Mary, I guess?” said Lily, brows furrowed slightly. “We immediately clicked since we first met, what with us both being Muggleborn, and after Sev was out of the picture…”

“I’m familiar with this part,” James grimaced, his focus shifting to his fingernails. “So, next question. If you had to be sorted into a different house, which one would you choose?”

“Hufflepuff,” she responded without blinking. “Closest to the kitchens, obviously. Next question.”

“Respectable,” he chuckled. “How about… do you prefer Butterbeer or Firewhiskey?”

She paused, catching his eye for longer than she’d planned. “You probably already know the answer.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards with a jolt of hope. “Butterbeer spiked with Firewhiskey?”

“Butterbeer spiked with Firewhiskey.”

James leaned forward slightly, his arm extending absentmindedly to reach for the cloth handles on Lily’s tube to pull her closer. “Like the ones we made at Peter’s birthday party last month?”

Their hands mingled together in the water between their tubes, pruned fingers brushing against each other as the current pushed them together. “Exactly like the ones from Peter’s birthday.”

He was near enough to count every sunkissed freckle spattered across her nose. She could practically fall into his growing dimples.

“Oi, Prongs!” came the disappointing voice of Sirius Black from the concession stand’s picnic tables. “You can’t hide from us all day, mate!”

“Maybe not,” James called back, a lopsided smirk sliding across his face, “but I can try!”

Before Sirius had a chance to respond, James sunk through the center of his intertube and disappeared under the water’s surface. Lily peered into the river, wondering if he could have possibly brought his Invisibility Cloak with him to the park, but her thoughts were quickly interrupted when a hand grabbed her ankle under the water. It tugged lightly, willing her out of her tube and into the depths of the lazy river.

Once fully submerged in the water, Lily squinted her eyes open to see her new surroundings, blue like the sky with ripples of sunlight refracting through the flowing stream, circular shadows overhead from the tubes they left on the surface, roaming away like drifting clouds searching for different horizons. A hand found her arm and spun her around, bringing her face to face with James, his glasses attempting an escape into the river’s flow, tiny air bubbles escaping through his nose and growing smile.

He pulled her across the width of the river, through a shower of bubbles from the underside of a waterfall, and into still water again before finally leading them both to the surface. They broke back into the world with gasping breaths and laughter, finding themselves in a dark, quiet alcove behind one of the castle’s waterfall features. The lazy river continued on as they stood together in their hidden cave, separated only by a wall of tumbling water. Despite no longer being pulled by the river’s current, the two found themselves drifting closer and closer to one another.

“Do you have any more questions?” asked Lily, her whisper echoing around and joining in with the soft roar of the waterfall.

James tried to control the beating of his heart, which must have been reverberating all around their little retreat based on how loudly he heard it pounding in his ears.

He cleared his throat. “Did you want me to kiss you that night at Peter’s party?”

She inhaled sharply. “Yes. Next question.”

“Do you want me to kiss you now?”

“Yes.”

She barely got the word out before James’ lips found hers, crashing down like a wave against the shore, pulling them into a riptide of racing hearts, fluttering eyelashes, and sighing breaths. They kissed and kissed and kissed until their heads spun, either drunk off the thrill of new beginnings or thoughts of Firewhiskey-spiked Butterbeer. Or possibly it was the intoxicating combination of magic mixed with chlorine.

[starchaseriseverything]

Remus wakes up to the one and only James Potter standing over him. "Jesus, James."

"Happy Birthday, Moony!" That woke up Sirius from beside him.

"Prongs! Cut it out! I'm tired!"

James' face sags a little. "Sorry, Padfoot. Just wanted to surprise Moony."

"It's fine, Prongs." Sirius sits up and kisses Remus' forehead. "Joyeux anniversaire, Mooney."

"Thanks, my love."

"Always."

"You're sickening!" Peter shouts from his bed.

"You're just sour because you're single." Sirius says.

"Not the point!"

"Shut the fuck up." Remus hears someone say.

James smiles a little wider. "Sorry. Let's get out of here before we keep getting yelled at."

James walks right out, and when James wakes up, he never leaves without getting dressed, so he must already be. Remus grabs his outfit picked out for him by his beautiful boyfriend - which Remus will never mention to his face to keep his ego in check - and walks to the bathroom to get ready.

Sirius picked out a white shirt, his favorite sweater, and baggy jeans. He's not gonna lie. He does look amazing in this outfit.

They go down to breakfast, and while he passes, he gets a bunch of 'happy birthday's' from all his friends. He stares at the Gryffindor table where they sit. It's decorated with balloons and a banner above the table that says 'Happy Birthday, Mooney!'.

James is grinning from ear to ear next to him. "Do you like it?"

"Bit much, ain't it?"

"Never enough for our Mooney." His boyfriend says on the other side of him.

Peter isn't affected at all and just walks to the table and plops down in his usual seat. Marlene is seemingly enthused, smiling up at him as he sits down next to Sirius.

Lily, Mary, Marlene, Alice, and Frank have been sitting with them for years now. Since the second year, at least. But Marlene always sat with James first year before she got her own friends. They've been friends since seven. Apparently, they lived right next to each other and were living next to muggles.

They're family's are weird. That's all he has to say. I mean, Marlene is a half-blood, but James? James is a pure-blood, well, blood-traitor, but still.

Breakfast was - as usual- eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. It's what they always have on Sunday's. It's a tradition for the house elves to cook with the head teacher of each house for birthdays, though. And Minnie is a good cook. So, it should be much better than it usually is.

When Remus took that first bite, he was in awe. Minnie did a lot better this year. It's amazing.

After breakfast, they went back to the common room to open presents. James and Marlene ran ahead of them and set it all up. There was a whole spot just for them. Always has been since second year. No one ever goes in that spot. Not if they want to be the victim of a prank.

Marlene and James are sitting right next to each other, smiles mirroring each other's. The chair is surrounded by presents. Remus' spot. "Why so many?" He asks.

"Because you deserve it." Lily responds as she goes to sit down next to Mary and Alice. Frank follows behind while Sirius sits at the end of the couch closest to the chair. Remus sighs and sits down as best he could without touching the gifts.

Sirius smiles. "Mine first." He says while grabbing a small box wrapped in a happy birthday wrapping paper. Now that Remus is actually looking at them, they all are, and the bags are the same ones for each gift, too.

Remus takes it. When he opens it, he gasps. "You didn't."

Sirius smiles wider. "I did." It's a necklace with the moon and Canis Major - Sirius' constellation.

"I love it, my star." He replies, putting it back in its box and looking back at Sirius.

"Ok, ok, love birds." Frank says. "My turn."

Again, it's a box but bigger. It houses three grandpa sweaters - the ones he mentioned he wanted a month ago. "You remembered?"

Frank smiles. "Of course I did."

"Thank you, Frank." He puts them back in the box and sets them aside. Mary hands Remus her gift next. It's houses the tennis shoes Remus was talking about. "You guys are the best." He says while smiling at his new shoes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Rem." He just them aside, and Peter hands him his gift. He opens the bag and sees hair care products. "Peter!"

"What? I bought all the ones you use, plus some."

"I don't take enough care of my hair?"

"That's not what I'm saying. Just try 'em. They work amazing for me." He says while fluffing his hair.

Remus rolls his eyes. "Sure, whatever you say, Pete." He sets the bag aside, and Alice hands him her present. A sketching pad and pencils. "Aw, thanks, Al. I love you."

"I love you, too, Remy."

Next, it's Marlene' gift. Records. ABBA, to be exact. He smiles. "My favorite." He bought a record player a few months ago but hasn't had any time to buy any records. "Thank you, Marls."

Marlene smiles. "I pay attention."

Remus laughs. "Yeah, you all do."

Lily hands him hers. In a bag, there are three different books. Muggle. Lord of The Rings. All three books. "I've always wanted to read this. Thank you, Lils."

"Book group for a reason."

Remus smiles at that while James hands him his last gift. Three notebooks for the books Lily got him. "James,"

"You're welcome, Mooney."

"Thank you."

The rest of the day goes by in a wizz. They play muggle games that Remus can't quite remember the names of. And even Minnie gave him a gift. Potions books. He doesn't know why she has them, but he's thankful.

All his friends are the best he could ask for. But the best part was falling asleep with Sirius.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Regulus didn't mean to intervene. He was simply having a little bit of weed, on the patio outside. Careful not to be caught of course. Too much going on in his life as always. Too overwhelmed by all the people at the party. Seeing Sirius and having a mix of rage and pity. He looked so happy celebrating his boyfriend's birthday, with his friends, his new family. It was obvious that he had been slowly drifting away. Regulus had been changing lately. Or so Sirius thought.

Anyway... Regulus had to carry on with his plan to be able to save his brother, and also Walburga.

"So... I really wanted to speak with you, Mary"

Regulus recognized Pettigrew's voice. So he hid behind a pillar. The least he needed now was for Pettigrew to tell his brother he had been smoking. Regulus tried to wave the smell away.

"God, this vodka tastes like piss" Mary groaned.

"Have you ever tasted piss?"

"You have a general idea based of what it smells like"

Peter chuckled at that. They probably thought they were alone. And Regulus hated to be listening to their private conversation. But he didn't know what else to do.

"I think I am going to stop drinking just for drinking" Mary continued as she dropped her drink on a plant "See? I am a mature woman"

"What did that plant ever do to you?"

Regulus could hear the amusement in Peter's voice.

Mary snorted.

"So what did want to talk about?"

"Well... It is more of a question..."

Mary giggled.

"Okay?"

There was a minute of silence after that. And Regulus rolled his eyes, because fuck it. He knew were this conversation was heading towards to.

"Do you think we are great together?" Peter finally asked. After a pause, Regulus thought they would already be snogging.

"As friends?" Mary asked carefully.

Peter took a deep breath.

"No Mary... You know what I am talking about..."

Silence.

"No, Peter..."

Mary tried to stop him but he carried on.

"I mean we make sense together... Think about it..."

"No... No..."

"Yes  Mary. Yes!" Peter exclaimed "You know how I feel about you. Don't pretend you don't"

"We won't work"

"Why?? Because we are cliché? Because our friends are in couples already? Bullshit! Who cares?"

"It is not about that..."

"Mary, I love you..."

"No you don't..."

"Yes, I do!" Peter sounded desperate "How am I not supposed to feel this if we spend all the time together, you led me on..."

"No..." Mary answered "No, Peter. That's not..." she sighed "I care about you. I do... As a friend"

Regulus heard Peter sniffing and he knew he was crying. God, Regulus kind of felt sorry for him. From Sirius' friends, he was the least annoying.

"Of course... As a friend..." Peter spat.

"Peter... I am sorry..." And she did. She sounded genuinely sorry "Don't be sad..."

"You are probably rejecting me because I am not good enough..."

"No... No.. No... That's not true. I swear" Mary said "You are more than enough..."

"No..."

"Peter, you are amazing. You are good. You are incredible... And any girl would so lucky to be with you. But... But that's not me..."

"I love you..."

"I am not meant for this sort of thing..." Mary tried desperately "I don't know why I can't love you the way you want me to, really.... I don't know..."

"I love you, Mary" Peter sniffed again "God, I played this whole movie inside my head... I am so stupid"

"You are not stupid!" Mary begged, and Regulus could hear her voice breaking "I think I am not meant for love"

Regulus had never been in a situation like this. He hadn't even come near to have a girlfriend. Not like Sirius who found everyone fascinating. Not like Sirius that went around heating many girls' ears, fooling with them, joking around. Perhaps Lupin had been his first serious relationship. Regulus saw the way they looked at each other. It was attractive. It almost made Regulus want that with someone.

But Regulus understood what Mary was saying now. How she wasn't meant for love. Regulus wasn't either. Perhaps it had been the fact that he hadn't met someone he fancied yet, but the mere idea of going out with someone made him want to die. It was fun reading about romance, as long as it involved someone else.

"That's bullshit, Mary" Peter carried on taking Regulus out of his thoughts "I am pretty sure if it were someone else asking you out, you would say yes"

"No..."

"Like... Mulciber for example"

"I don't want anything to do with him"

"You went out on a date with him on Valentine's"

Mary was silent. Then she said in a whisper.

"That was a mistake"

But Peter was furious.

"If it were anyone else, you would say yes!" Peter cried again "But no, nobody wants dumb stupid Peter..."

"Peter, don't say that..."

"Come on, you dated James, you had a thing with Frank and then Mulciber....You even kissed Marlene's brother" Peter snorted "The real reason you don't want anything serious is because you want to fuck around with handsome boys... Not losers like me"

"Peter..."

"Everyone is right" he said "You are a whore, Mary!"

Regulus flinched as he heard the slap. It must've hurt.

"I'm sorry..." Peter cried harder this time.

"Peter, I love you. You are the best friend someone could have"

"I am gonna go..."

"Peter!"

"Leave me alone!"

Regulus heard Peter's steps drifting away and how she let out her breath and a few sobs. Regulus wished she would just go away and find comfort in some friend. Regulus had heard enough. And he hated people crying in front of him.

But Mary recomposed with a few sniffs and she said.

"I know you are here... I could smell the weed since we arrived"

Regulus closed his eyes in frustration. He wondered if he could escape. This was so embarrassing.

"Regulus..."

Shit. Regulus sighed as he came out of behind the pillar.

"How do you know it was me?"

Regulus tried to sound uninterested as always. Hands inside his pockets. Like he hadn't heard that intimate conversation of her.

"You and your weird friend are the ones who smoke weed around school"

Regulus nodded. Although he wanted to ask her if she could not tell Sirius. If Sirius didn't know already. He probably did.

"And I saw you hiding" Mary added.

"Okay..."

Mary was looking intensely at him. Regulus hated to be stared, so he looked at the floor.

"You heard all of it, right?"

"I was just there..." he pointed at his previous hiding spot "Of course I did"

Mary nodded looking sad.

"I didn't mean to... But... But I didn't know what to do... And you were being loud"

Regulus wished his cheeks weren't on fire. It happened when he spoke with people he didn't know well.

But Mary wasn't listening. She began crying right there in front of him. Her shoulders were shaking. And she wiped her nose with her sleeve. Under her hoodie she was wearing a small dress.

Regulus didn't know what to do. He cursed his bad luck.

"Do you think I am a whore too?"

"Ehh..."

"I mean just because a girl doesn't have a stable boyfriend... Doesn't mean she is indeed a whore..." Mary was sobbing harder "And I really love snogging boys... And mooree...." sniff sniff "But Peter... Peter is special. I didn't want to lose him, you know?"

Anyone. Literally anyone would be a better help for Mary right now. Regulus knew he was supposed to hold her, and tell her everything was okay, and probably tell her she wasn’t a whore. But he really didn't want to. Crying women reminded him of Walburga in her worse moments.

Regulus observed awkwardly as Mary stabled herself. And she calmed down.

"Sorry..." she said, wiping her tears "You probably don't care about this at all"

"No... I... I mean I do..."

Regulus was pathetic.

Mary sighed.

"I should've said yes" Mary added "To Peter I mean. He would be a wonderful boyfriend. The best boyfriend someone could have"

"Do you actually want to say yes?" Regulus found himself asking "Do you actually love him?"

Mary twisted her mouth. Her makeup was all ruined.

"I love him as a friend" she said "I love him so much but not like that"

"So why would you say yes?"

"I feel comfortable and incredible with Peter. More than I had ever felt with any boy" she explained "He treats better than anyone. And Peter is perfect, you know?" she swallowed "Any girl would be lucky to date him. Why couldn't that lucky girl be me?"

Mary sighed.

"I think Peter would love me properly"

"But you won't love him" Regulus answered.

"Does it matter?"

"I think it does" Regulus said.

Mary snorted, and something like a smile appeared on her face.

"Have you ever felt like you have to be in love because people around you fall in love and they look so happy that you wonder: 'Why not me?' But then you won't feel it? With anyone?"

Mary had just described what Regulus felt all the time. Regulus found romance stupid. But there was something attractive to the way couples were. Most of songs talked about it. Everyone was looking for it. But it resulted so easy for others. And then Regulus just didn't like anyone. Everyone was too short, too tall, too talkative, too quiet, too happy, too depressed, too stupid, too intelligent... Perhaps none of them were the problem. The problem was Regulus.

"I have felt that, actually"

Mary looked at him in a curious way. Regulus couldn't avoid blushing.

"Have you fancied anyone, Regulus?"

Regulus was going to lie. But he didn't find a point anymore. Not with Mary.

"No" he said.

Mary nodded. She didn't make fun of him, or tell him 'Oh you will find someone eventually'.

"All..." Regulus hated the way he sounded so he cleared his throat "All those boys... That you..."

Mary raised an eyebrow. Regulus carried on.

"Have you fancied any of them?"

Mary wasn't offended by that question. Everyone thought she was an easy girl. The rumors had been worse last term for what happened with Longbottom. But Regulus didn't think she was easy. Or at least he didn't care.

"I've fancied them" Mary answered "For a nice conversation. For really good sex..."

Regulus blushed with that word. And Mary noticed because she smiled.

"But not really, you know?" Mary continued "Not in a romantic way. I've never been in love.... And I don't think I will"

"Me neither"

Regulus realized what he confessed after he said it. But it was true.

They both looked at each other. Mary smiled. And Regulus forced himself to smile as well.

"I thought I was the only one" Mary giggled.

"Me too"

"So..." Mary smiled "Don't mind me asking. Have you snogged any girl?"

"No"

"Any boy?"

"That's not for me" Regulus answered annoyed.

"Okay..." Mary said "That's fine"

"Do you think I am weird?"

Mary snorted.

"I like snogging and sex... You probably like weed" she shrugged "I mean we all have our things"

Regulus found himself smiling.

"You are actually very cool, Regulus" Mary said with a smile "Not just my friend's weird little brother"

Speaking of which...

"Would you mind not telling Sirius about this?"

"About you smoking weed?"

"And the other thing too"

Mary nodded, she smiled again.

"Thank you"

Mary was cool. Perhaps they had that in common. The not dating part. But Sirius was different. Ever since he started dating Lupin he thought romance was the best thing ever. And he would never understand Regulus. He had been teasing him with Pandora. And Panda was just his friend. He didn't get it.

"Would you share some of that split with me?" Mary smiled raising an eyebrow.

Regulus shook his head. But he smiled.

"I could smoke more"

He turned on his unfinished split and took a drag passing it to Mary.

"So weird..." she tutted as she had a drag "I remember when you were such a cute baby in your first year and you followed Sirius around..."

"Oh shut up!" Regulus rolled his eyes.

Mary laughed. And her laugh, Regulus concluded, was beautiful and contagious.

[enbysiriusblack]

Peter doesn't want to die

Don't wanna be a bad guy, I'm just a loner baby

"Please, I don't want to die", he pleaded.

Lucius smirked, "then join us. You'll be valuable to our side."

And now you've gotten in my way

"I don't know if you can be trusted yet, Pettigrew. Kill the Mckinnons to prove your worth."

I can't decide, whether you should live or die

Peter looked back at zir reflection in the broken mirror, the edges plastered with pictures of her friends.

They pulled off one of the photos of him and Marlene and stared at it.

He loved her. He didn't want to do it.

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven

Peter wasn't religious, but Marlene was. Marlene thought she'd go to heaven, if ze killed her she'd be alright.

Please don't hang your head and cry

They fought off tears, and tried to smile in the mirror.

He was happy. This is what happy feels like.

No wonder why my heart feels dead inside

He made his way up the house, and couldn't feel anything but the looming fear of death.

Kill or be killed. And she didn’t want to be killed.

It's cold and hard and petrified

The door opened and they got zir wand out straight away. He killed Marlene's father, and his corpse dropped straight to the floor.

Lock the doors and close the blinds

This would be easy. He's already killed now. Marlene would just get killed by someone else, ze could do this.

We're going for a ride

Peter pushed the door open and Marlene, wand out and ready, stared at him in shock.

I've got to hand it to you

"Peter?" Marlene said his name, her wand pointed directly at them.

You've played by all the same rules

"I'm sorry, Marlene", Peter said before flicking his wand so her own flew out her grip.

She took steps backwards, towards the small fireplace and floo powder on top of it.

Peter laughed. Smart, but too late.

It takes the truth to fool me

"How are you the traitor? Petey?" Marlene gasped.

Peter clenched their fists at the cute nickname they had called him since first year.

And now you've made me angry

"Avada Kedavra", he yelled and her body went limp.

She was dead.

Oh, I could throw you in the lake

He was now fully a death eater, she had earned his mark.

He felt some sense of purpose for the first time, while they threw the dead body of a muggleborn into a lake.

Or feed you poisoned birthday cake

He sat at the long dining table of Malfoy manor as ze watched the dark lord poison someone.

The table cheered as the traitorous man flopped down, that's what happened to traitors.

I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone

Then Dorcas was there and they knew Peter had killed Marlene.

He had always liked Dorcas, that was a shame.

Oh, I could bury you alive

Dorcas would have to go. They were going after Peter, other death eaters, and the dark lord.

If he didn't kill them, someone else easily would.

But you might crawl out with a knife

Dorcas showed up at a meeting, wand out and way too much adrenaline.

The dark lord tied them to a chair before they had even fully stepping into the room.

And kill me when I'm sleeping

The dark lord asked him to identify that it was Dorcas Meadowes, order member.

Peter took off their mask and Dorcas glared at zem in anger.

That's why

He nodded, and they were instantly killed.

I can't decide, whether you should live or die

James was one of their best friends, since they were eleven. Peter never thought James or Lily would be killed.

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven

They were good. Too good for earth, and the war. It made sense they wouldn't survive, he reasoned.

Please don't hang your head and cry

And at least she wouldn't have to kill them in person, the dark lord would do that.

It was an honour to be killed by him personally.

No wonder why my heart feels dead inside

Now Sirius was there. Of course Sirius would be there to avenge them.

It's cold and hard and petrified

They had killed so many people now, but he was still alive. That's what truly mattered.

Lock the doors and close the blinds

As long as he survived.

Peter didn't want to die.

We're going for a ride

[startanewdream]

The other marauder

Summary: Harry is five when he asks what means Wormtail.

Harry is thirteen when he asks who is Peter Pettigrew.

Harry is seventeen when he tells James that Peter is dead.

(Or how James would have dealt with Peter's betrayal if he was alive)

Part of my Jily Lives AU series of one-shots! I would love to hear your thoughts about how James would react to Peter Pettigrew if he lived. 

Below the cut or over AO3 are just my thoughts (all 11k of them).

________________________

Harry is five the first time he asks about Wormtail.

It’s a September afternoon and the weather has been nice all week, so at the weekend they indulge themselves in a pool that James conjures in their backyard. It’s mostly for Harry’s sake and his son laughs as Sirius turns into a dog to jump in the pool, swimming and splashing water in them as he shakes himself dry. Harry’s happy giggles keep them all amused.

As the night falls and it gets cooler, they rest lazily in the lawn around a fireplace that Lily conjures for them, toasting marshmallows. James and Lily share a blanket, looking at the stars above them, while Sirius holds Harry, all wrapped in a towel, against his chest.

James is distracted, really, and he barely notes as Harry starts to read the numbers and phrases of the tattoos in Sirius’ chest. Harry had just started school that year and he had loved learning how to read and write - he was curious, his son…

‘Wormtail’, Harry reads out, and in the silence of the night, his high-pitched childish voice sounds louder. ‘What it means?’

He is looking at Sirius, expecting his godfather to answer him just like Sirius had explained patiently about his other tattoos, but Sirius doesn’t say anything.

Instead, Sirius looks gravely at James, who just blinks, equally speechless.

James doesn’t know how to answer that. He’d thought that Sirius had removed that particular tattoo a long time ago.

But now that he looks at Sirius’ chest, he sees the four names are still inscribed there, over his heart, like they’ve been since he was seventeen, each one handwritten by its owner. James doesn’t need to try harder to remember that cold December afternoon, when they were hanging freely in London and Sirius had declared he wanted a tattoo. He was the only one of them that was of age then, and James had watched rather enviously as Sirius got their nicknames tattooed in his skin, somehow making all of them really part of him.

James had promised he’d get a tattoo too, but he ended up forgetting and Sirius had always loved more tattoos than him anyway. In any case, James hadn’t thought about Sirius’ tattoos for ages.

Then he stares Wormtail’s name there along with the others, part of a group that he doesn’t belong to anymore.

That sight fills James with hatred beyond words.

At his side, sensing his stress, Lily touches the back of his head in a soothingly move.

‘It’s just a name, Harry’, she says dismissively, making Harry look at her.

‘Who is Wormtail?’, he asks, curious as always. Then he giggles. ‘It’s a funny name’.

‘He is gone’, James says dryly, and the tone of his voice makes Harry recoil against Sirius, clearly distressed over the idea of upsetting his father. Lily now presses his head with a little more strength, and James forces himself to relax. ‘It’s no one, Harry’, he adds more kindly.

Harry doesn’t look convinced, but he gives a tiny nod, staying in thoughtful silence then. His big green eyes are still fixed on Sirius’ chest and James sees he is reading the other words there, moving his lips silently.

James throws a shirt to Sirius after that.

Later, when he passes Harry’s room on his way to his own, he sees the light is on. That makes him frown, because Sirius had already tucked Harry for sleep, and Harry usually crashes after a day of activities.

When he opens the door, he sees Harry is on his desk by the window, his small legs swinging in the air as he busies himself writing something.

‘Harry?’, James asks, and Harry turns to him with a guilty expression that James thinks will need a lot of improvement if he wants to get away with pranks in the future.

Harry jumps to the floor, grabbing what he had written and hiding it hurriedly behind him.

‘Shouldn’t you be in bed?’, James adds softly, and Harry nods, running to his bed and getting under his blanket.

James comes to tuck him in again, passing his hands through Harry's hair to mess it, the way that always makes Harry laugh. Then his hand falls on Harry's tiny hand, where there is a crumpled paper.

'May I?', James asks. Harry bits his lips, looking very much like his mother when she is thoughtful, but he opens his hand.

James unfolds the paper to see that Harry copied Sirius' tattoo, writing in his trembling childish handwriting: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs .

He thinks of the night they signed those names on the Marauder's Map, a hundred years ago, and how, in that moment, it seemed they would all shine brightly forever.

He can feel Harry's eyes over him, apprehensive, so he forces himself to breath evenly.

'Nice letters', he says, letting the paper rest on the nightstand. 'You make your "g" like your mum's. Now, be a good boy and sleep, ok?'

'Dad?', Harry asks timidly. 'You are Prongs, right?'

James feels something heavy inside his chest, but he nods.

'Padfoot is Sirius' dog. And Uncle Moony is Uncle Moony'. James just acquiesces with his head, still silent. Harry's eyes are very big, the moonlight entering the bedroom and highlighting his young face. 'So who is Wormtail?'

James looks at Harry's face, at his curious innocent son, and, not for the first time, he asks himself what made Peter betray them.

What made him betray  James . Was that James' fault? Was it Peter's ambition?

He doesn't know and he fears he never will.

'When I was in Hogwarts, with Padfoot and Moony, we had another friend', he whispers, his voice shaking slightly. 'We called him Wormtail'.

'He was like you? A Gryff… Gryve…'

'Gryffindor', James completes for him, watching Harry beam at the word, his hand automatically reaching for the stuffed lion at the edge of his bed, that James takes to give to him, watching Harry hugging the lion. 'Yes, he was, and in our year too'.

'Then he was a lion like you!'

James closes his eyes briefly and he remembers their first transformation, when James had turned into a majestic stag and Sirius into a beautiful black dog and Peter had looked crestfallen at being a small rat. Sirius had teased him, but that had been one of few jokes that James had asked him to drop it.

Afterwards, James had found Peter and had reminded him of the great accomplishment he had achieved by turning into an animagus at the age of fifteen.

'You should be proud of being a rat', James had said and Peter had beamed, drying away the tears in his eyes.

James supposes he should have seen then. A rat.

'He was once', he says instead, because he always wondered where was the courage that the Sorting Hat had seen in Peter at age eleven.

'Where is he?'

'Gone'.

'Gone where?'

James lies down at Harry's side, his eyes on the stuffed lion, trying not to think of the index finger that was given to Peter's mother as the only piece of him they ever found.

'Do you remember when mum's cat was old? And he slept very deeply?'

'Oh. And he didn't wake up anymore'.

'Well, that is what happens when someone is gone. They sleep and they never wake up anymore'.

Harry frowns in concentration.

‘They are dreaming?’

‘Something like a very long dream, yes’.

'If I sleep now, I will wake up?'

James smiles softly and places a kiss on his forehead.

'You will', he assures.

'Mum was sad when the cat slept', Harry murmurs, still frowning in concentration. 'Were you sad when your friend was gone?'

Truth be told, James had not known about Peter's fate until two days later. The first of November had been a rush of meetings with Dumbledore then the Order then confirming everything was right with Harry and just trying to understand what had happened.

It was only on the next day that he found out that after making sure they were safe, Sirius had taken his motorbike and had gone after Peter alone.

He only had seen the pictures of the explosion in the papers the next day. Sirius had never talked to him about what happened, other than saying Peter had tried to escape and had exploded a gas pipe instead. Twelve people were killed, including Peter. A massacre and one of his best friends had turned into a mass murderer.

James had never really grieved for Peter and he had ignored all attempts of Peter's mother to contact him. He knew she would want answers he did not have.

He had felt a lot of things for Peter's betrayal and demise, but it never occurred to him whether sadness was one of them.

'I think so', he says, not wanting to lie to Harry despite knowing he won't ever fully disclose this story to his son. He thinks of happy nights in the Common Room, in the way Peter always smiled to him as if he would trust James to guide him in the dark. James wonders when that smile lost hope. Somehow, it feels that Peter died long before he blew up himself. 'Yes, I was sad'.

Harry gives him the stuffed lion.

'Here, have Godric', he says, as serious as he can sound. 'He will make you happy'.

James smiles and hugs the lion before returning him to Harry.

'I am already happy. You are safe, Harry, and that makes me happy'.

Harry yawns and holds his lion tightly. James rises, messing with Harry’s hair one last time.

'Now, good night, Harry'.

'You forgot -'

'You are right, sorry. Good night, Godric'.

Harry smiles quietly, closing his eyes and James watches him for a minute before closing the door.

Whatever else he would feel for Peter’s betrayal, he knows he can’t ever forgive Peter for risking his family.

____________________

Harry is thirteen when he asks who is Peter Pettigrew.

It's the end of July. Harry is happy, having the Weasley over for a birthday party. James watches amusedly as the Weasley twins are clearly plotting something (even after all these years James can still spot a prank miles away), when he sees Sirius has arrived.

Sirius hugs Harry and gives him his birthday present, but it's clear something is off with Sirius. Now James thinks about it, it's been over two weeks that he hasn't seen Sirius. It happens from time to time when Sirius is overcharged with his job at the Ministry, but usually, Sirius warns them before he is on a mission or if he will become unavailable.

Whatever it is, Sirius seems to be avoiding him purposely, going to talk to Remus in a low voice in a quiet corner. Whatever they are talking makes Sirius relax a little, then they both turn to look at James, who just stares back calmly. He knows Sirius will come to talk to him about what is bothering him.

They don't have secrets with each other.

So James waits and he isn’t really surprised when Sirius comes quietly to his side and requests a private word. His face is grave, without any shadow of a smile, as if James needs another sign that whatever it’s pestering him, it’s important.

They lock themselves in Lily's office and Sirius takes a deep breath, looking at James as if he wished more than anything he could be saying something else.

'Peter is alive'.

James blinks, for a wondrous second not understanding.

‘What Peter?’

‘Peter Pettigrew’.

‘That’s impossible!’

‘We have a witness that saw him early this month close to Ottery St. Catchpole. Older, balder, but, yes, it was him’.

‘Who? Who saw him?’

‘Bertha Jorkins’.

James snorts nervously.

‘Bertha? You know what she’s like, Padfoot. She can’t see the difference between a dog and a crup -’

‘I saw her memories, James, it’s really him’. Sirius sighs. ‘Don’t you think I wish he were dead too?’

‘Do you?’, asks James, because he remembers how Sirius never erased Wormtail’s name of his tattoo, but even as he asks he regrets his question.

‘I went  after him, didn’t I? I watched he blow up a whole street -’

‘But not himself, clearly!  How did you miss that?’

Sirius shakes his head, angry, though James can tell he is angrier at himself.

‘Well, he was a rat - I don’t know how he managed to explode and turn at the same time, but then again we did underestimate Peter a lot, right?’

‘We can’t do that again, Sirius! We can’t let him escape our fingers, not when…’

‘I  know, Prongs, I know. I’ve set a task force with Shacklebolt and Fudge is talking about even involving the Muggle Prime Minister this time… We’ll surround him and capture him. It’s just a matter of time’.

‘You said he was seen on Ottery St. Catchpole? That’s where the Weasleys live, we must -’

Sirius sighs heavier now, and there is a dark cloud on his face, one that looks a lot like that time when Sirius had pranked Snape into going to the Shrieking Shack. Guilt.

‘He is not there anymore, we’ve checked the city over and over - even the sewers, yes, but he is not in the region anymore’.

‘But we must tell Arthur, Ron can be in danger -’

‘Peter isn’t there, James, he… He was just probably searching for some information, Ottery St. Catchpole has one of the biggest wizarding communities and… When Bertha saw him, the Weasley weren’t even there. They were abroad’.

James remembers the prize that Arthur had won and their sunny trip to Egypt; he had been happy for them. But that…

‘That was two weeks ago!’, James cries, and Sirius flinches, but he nods. ‘You are telling me you withhold that for two weeks? What the hell is your problem, Sirius?’

Sirius crosses his arms.

‘That was classified, that’s the problem. We thought if we could trace him quietly, it would be better’.

‘Better for who? In case you forgot, your godson is a target for him!’

‘Harry was never in danger, James’, Sirius says quietly. ‘Peter was seen far from here and, well, if he’s been alive for the last twelve years, then he never once went after Harry’.

‘He is rat - he could be here or at Hogwarts and we wouldn’t -’

‘He is not here now, there is your love protection, remember?’, points Sirius, his voice much more soothing than James has ever seen him sound. He supposes years as Auror have made Sirius much better qualified to deal with stress. ‘And as for Hogwarts, once again, Harry was never in danger as far as we know. No unknown rat or crazy old man has come near him’.

‘But I can’t - Harry can’t return there, not -’

‘You are overreacting, James, and you know it. Harry will be under Dumbledore’s protection all the time at Hogwarts and there is something else’. He pauses, and then there is a tender smile on his lips. ‘Moony will be there too. Dumbledore asked him to teach Defense this year’.

‘Oh’, that brings a smile to James’ face as well. He knows how much Remus has been studying and how much he loves to share his knowledge with others. ‘ Finally. Remus must be so happy’.

‘He is excited, yes, but if you want to know the main reason he accepted was to watch out for Harry too’.

‘Remus knew too? So what,  everyone knew?’

‘Don’t be like that - we just tried to solve things before it got too complicated. But now -’

‘Now?’

‘Someone leaked it for the Daily Prophet’, Sirius admits, breathing heavily. ‘It will be on the front page tomorrow morning. And you know what that means -’

‘Panic’.

‘He got marked as one of Voldemort’s biggest supporters. Nonsense, we know, Peter was never the brightest, he wouldn’t be any better Death Eater… he was just in the right place. But it doesn’t matter, people will panic, I will get owls daily with people reporting they’ve seen him… It will be a mess’.

‘And it will be harder to find him now he knows he’s been hunted’, James muses thoughtfully. ‘I suppose none of the free Death Eaters are happy with him either’.

Sirius gives one of his bark-like laughs.

‘The traitor who helped lead Voldemort to his downfall? I bet not. They will think the traitor betrayed them too’.

‘As if…’ James sighs. Then he glances at Sirius speculatively. He knows what Sirius will say, but he can try. ‘I can help’.

‘No’, Sirius shakes his head. ‘You are too involved in this, and you know it. It will not do any good’.

‘I can’t just stay here knowing he is out there -’

‘See, that’s why I didn’t want you to know. Breathe, James. The Aurors are taking care of it, I am taking care of it and about Harry, I promise you, I won’t let anything happen to him. Not even if I need to be at his side all the time’.

‘He will love that’, James snorts. ‘But you are right, Harry will be at Hogwarts, the least we can do is… trust anything will happen’.

‘I hope not, Fudge is talking about putting dementors around Hogwarts for protection… Like I said, a mess’.

‘What good will dementors do?’

‘None, of course, but -’, Sirius flushes, looking guilty. ‘It’s not like we can just tell them about Peter, right? It would lead to too many questions, and Remus -’

‘I know’, James agrees, sighing. ‘We will just have to be careful. Harry will need to be more careful if a mass murderer is after him, he can’t be out after hours or going in his trips outside the castle - or, damn it, there are Hogsmeade trips this year - ‘

‘Don’t forbid him of going’, says Sirius, frowning. ‘Or you will just make him find a way of going without you knowing’.

‘He wouldn’t if -’

‘If you tell him what’s going on?’, Sirius challenges. ‘Are you going to tell him the whole story?’

James doesn’t say anything, but Sirius already knows the answer.

‘That boy may have Lily’s sense of responsibility, but he is also your son and I know you will be disappointed if he never finds out one of the secret passages out of the castle - do you really want to test him?’

James chuckles against his will.

‘Fine, he can keep Hogsmeade trips, as long as it’s safe. I just can’t help but think… who knows how Peter Pettigrew’s mind is after all this time? What if he thinks that getting Harry will bring Voldemort back?’

‘He was never the most brilliant, James’, Sirius repeats derisively.

‘Still, twelve years of brooding Voldemort’s fall… he bet all on Voldemort, didn’t he?’

‘He bet wrong’, Sirius says, his voice resolute. ‘Now, can we let this go for now? It’ll be in tomorrow’s paper and I just want a moment to celebrate my favourite godson’s birthday’.

‘He is your only godson’, James notes, more at ease with Sirius’ joke.

‘Only because you and Lily stopped too early’.

‘Remus would be the next godfather’.

‘You wouldn’t dare!’.

James laughs, without answering.

They go back to the party, and once in a while, James thinks Harry is looking at him, but whenever he looks back, Harry is already doing something - talking animatedly to Ron or even coaching a blushing Ginny to play Exploding Snap.

There is no talking of Peter Pettigrew for the night, until later when they are in their bedroom, and James tells Lily the news that Sirius brought.

Lily turns to him then, her green eyes full of worry.

‘We should tell Harry’.

‘There is nothing to tell him’, whispers James. ‘We don’t know if Wormtail will go after him’.

‘What does your heart tell you?’

James closes his eyes, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose.

‘I think it’s not a coincidence he has been sighted after all these years’.

‘That’s what I thought too. I can talk to Harry if you want’.

‘No, I will - it’s my… my burden. Just give me some time, ok?’

Lily sighs and nods. James can feel her watching him, but he doesn’t open his eyes.

‘And how do you feel about that?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘About Peter being alive. You never dealt with it, James, not really’.

‘He was a traitor’, James mumbles, his voice full of repulse. ‘There was nothing to deal with. He betrayed us then he died. Or so we thought, but I didn’t care he was dead’.

‘Didn’t you?’, she asks softly, and James doesn’t answer her.

It seems there are a lot of things he doesn’t want to say, so after a minute, Lily turns off the lights. She hugs him in the dark, her hand caressing his, and James pretends he doesn’t care at all that Peter is alive.

Lily pretends she doesn’t know he cares, so it works for everyone.

The next morning, when they are in the kitchen for breakfast, Harry jumps from his chair as soon as the morning owl comes with the Daily Prophet.

‘Thanks’, he says to the owl, watching it fly away. Then he opens the newspaper. ‘Wow. Who is Peter Pettigrew?’

James grabs the Prophet. There is a big photo of Wormtail, blinking at him.  Peter Pettigrew is alive and on the loose, the headline says.

He looks at the face he hasn’t seen in the past twelve years, having even stored all photos in which he was together with them. James had worked really hard to delete from his existence the fact that he was once friends with Wormtail, and still Peter managed to crawl back in his life.

‘Friends don’t leave’, he remembers saying to Peter a long time ago, and James can’t help but find the irony there.

It’s an old photo, of when Peter was twenty, young and looking so fragile. He wonders how Wormtail is now. Sirius described him as older and balder, and that thought fills him with anger. He remembers the old Order, how many of them were killed, and James asks himself - as he always does when his thoughts steer in that direction - how many died because  he was once friends with Peter Pettigrew.

‘Dad?’, Harry asks again, and James sees Harry is watching him carefully.

‘He was a Death Eater’, Lily answers for him, taking the newspaper from his hand and replacing it with a cup of tea. ‘One of Voldemort’s followers. He got famous for - ’, Lily looks briefly at James. ‘ - for murdering twelve people with a single curse’.

‘Twelve people?’, Harry repeats, astonished. ‘With one curse?’

‘Yeah, and for all these years we thought he had killed himself also. But now -’

Lily shrugs at the newspaper, folding it so Peter’s face is hidden. Harry grabs the Prophet, his eyes scanning fast the news. 

‘Sirius is after him?’, he asks, and James wakes up.

‘They are sending the best Aurors’, he says in the lighter voice he can manage.

‘I am sure your godfather will catch him in a blink’, adds Lily, in the same tone as James.

Sirius hasn’t caught Peter in the two weeks of advantage he had,  James thinks darkly, but he doesn’t say anything. With luck, Peter has left the country by now. He was never the bravest; he wouldn’t face a manhunt for him.

Harry is nodding, looking strangely excited at the thought of his godfather going after a famous murderer, and Lily looks at James as if expecting him to tell now and then that Pettigrew may be after Harry.

It’s still early August, James thinks. There is still time.

August passes by in a blink, and Lily is throwing looks at him that are more and more worried than before, but still, James can’t force himself to say anything to Harry.

Then Sirius comes to the news that Fudge has not resisted public pressure and he decided to place dementors around Hogwarts for “protection”.

‘Everyone agrees that he is after Harry’, Sirius explains in a quiet voice. He looks more tired than James has ever seen him, and he guesses easily that Sirius must be double-shifting in his search for Pettigrew.

Sirius is the only one that is almost as upset as James by Peter’s betrayal. James thinks it’s not fair; he never blamed Sirius for suggesting the exchange of Secret Keeper - it was a good plan.

James only blames himself for not seeing how excited Peter had been at the idea, how he trusted the most precious things in his life for someone he thought he was a friend.

The mistake is on James, not on Sirius.

‘It’s silly, we have no evidence that it’s more likely he may go to Hogwarts than anywhere else, and Dumbledore was furious’, Sirius is saying, dismayed. ‘But Fudge is sure that he is after Harry, and you know Fudge -’

‘He likes to show that he is doing something, yes’, James completes. He doesn’t have much contact with the Minister of Magic, but Sirius doesn’t seem impressed by him and James trusts Sirius’ opinion. ‘So what now?’

‘Now we hope the dementors at least catch Peter if he is dumb enough to bump into them. But it will be miserable at Hogwarts this year, that I give you. I  hate dementors’.

‘Me too’.

‘Every time I have to go to Azkaban... God, I hate that place. I don’t think even filthy like my dear cousin Bellatrix deserves it’.

‘Peter might’, James says quietly. ‘Or not, he won’t feel anything probably -’

‘James…’

‘What? We always protected him so it was not like he could have bad memories of school or of the war. And then what, do you think he regrets telling Voldemort? You think it’s a bad memory for him? It was probably the happiest moment of his life, delivering the Potters…’

‘James’, Sirius calls him again, louder so James can’t ignore him this time. ‘I don’t care if it will affect Peter or not, and neither should you. It’s not our problem anymore’.

‘It will always be my problem’.

‘It’s only his problem. See, thoughts like that… Lily is worried about you’.

James rolls his eyes.

‘You two have been talking behind my back?’

‘Yes’, Sirius admits shamelessly. ‘It’s what we do when you don’t talk to any of us’.

‘I am talking with you right now’.

Sirius raises his eyebrows.

‘We can talk about the map of Hogwarts you have been studying in the library’.

James flushes.

‘It’s nothing. Just a silly hobby’.

‘It’s silly’, Sirius agrees. ‘Studying Hogwarts’ pipelines? There was a bloody basilisk in them, and you think you might find Peter like that?’

James doesn’t answer.

‘You will get crazy if you try to catch him like that, James, trust me. It’s like catching smoke with your hand. Now, if you want to do something useful… Have you talked to Harry?’

‘If you’ve been talking with Lily, you know I haven’t yet’.

Sirius just looks at him, expecting, and James sighs. ‘I will talk to him tonight’, he concedes.

Still, James delays the moment as much as he can, until, right after Harry turns in for the night, he sees Sirius and Lily looking at him, both with identical reproval looks on their faces.

‘I hate when you join forces against me’, he mumbles, but he goes.

As much as James doesn’t want to talk to Harry about it, he knows it’s for the better.

He knocks on Harry’s door, opening to find Harry already with his pyjamas, lying lazily on his bed.

‘Dad?’, Harry asks, surprised. Then he smirks. ‘Coming to tuck me in? I am a little bit older for that’.

James laughs easily, sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed and arraying the blanket over Harry, making his son roll his eyes.

‘You are never too old’.

‘This is silly’, Harry disagrees, moving so he messes all the work James had done with his blanket. ‘What is it?’

‘Maybe I just want to wish you a good night’.

‘You already said it downstairs’.

‘Or maybe I came to see if you want a bedtime story’.

‘I’m thirteen’, Harry notes, exasperated.

‘Even for a Marauder’s tale?’, James asks in a soft voice. Harry blinks, and James can see the interest in there.

‘I could listen to one’, Harry says in a nonchalant voice. ‘Just because you love them so much’.

‘Put on my account, yeah’, James almost smiles. Then he looks at his own hands. ‘Did I ever tell you about the Marauder’s Map?’

‘I think Sirius mentioned a map once’.

‘We lost this map so many years ago that we tend to forget… Well, it was the other half of our secret to perfect pranks. The first one you know’.

‘The Cloak’, Harry guesses.

‘Yeah… you see, this map was just as amazing, and maybe even a little more, because we created it from scratch. It was a map of Hogwarts, showing every corridor, every room, but the most amazing thing - it showed where everyone was. There were small dots with everyone’s names, in real-time’.

‘Wow!’, Harry looks impressed. ‘How did you do it?’

‘A combination of good spells, our talents, plenty of time to spare, my Invisibility Cloak so we could walk around… It was supposed to be our legacy’.

‘And how come I don’t have this map?’, asks Harry, sounding outraged. James chuckles lightly.

‘Because we lost in our Seventh Year. Filch got it - I don’t think he understood what it was, but he was smart enough to see it was important. Well, by then we were leaving Hogwarts and we had more pressing things to care about anyway’.

Harry shakes his head in fake devastation.

‘You should have thought about your future son’.

‘I was eighteen, Harry, you can be sure I didn’t think about kids’, James says playfully. ‘Well, we enjoyed the Marauder’s Map while we could. It saved us a lot of times of being caught, especially when we got separated…’

‘What do you think happened to it?’

‘It’s probably gathering dust in Filch’s office. If you happen to find an old harmless parchment lying around, that’s it… and you will see it’s signed with our names. Well, nicknames. Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and…’

‘Wormtail’, Harry finishes for him, in a low voice.

James sighs, looking back at Harry.

‘You remember’, he says, and Harry just nods. There doesn’t seem to be any special acknowledgement in his eyes, so James just adds, in the most casual voice he can manage. ‘Well, we four did it. It was the greatest Map ever. There were all these secret passages in and outside school too’.

‘The ones you don’t want to tell me about’, Harry notes, just a touch of complaint in his voice.

‘I told you to explore and I gave you my Cloak, didn’t I?’. He smiles. ‘You got to deserve knowing the passages, kiddo’.

‘I’ve explored Hogwarts’, Harry says, with a note of pride in his voice that James knows is for his father more than for himself.

‘The Marauders never found the Chamber of Secrets, I will give you that’, James agrees.  

Harry smiles bashfully. James shakes his head at the adventures his son had, then he sighs. 

‘But this year I will have to ask you to suspend your explorations, Harry’.

Harry just blinks.

‘There is something I’ve got to tell you, and I’m sorry to have postponed so much, I just didn’t want you to worry during summer -’

‘Dad’, Harry cuts him off, looking guilty. ‘It’s fine. I  know’.

‘You know? How could you?’

‘I heard you and Sirius talking on my birthday’, he admits. ‘I know I shouldn’t, but I heard my name and… I know Peter Pettigrew is after me’.

Now it’s James’ turn to blink.

‘What else did you hear?’

‘Only that “a mass murderer” is after me’, Harry repeats, a little unfazed, as if it’s no big deal that he is the target of a mass murderer. In his case, James thinks, it’s not the first time. ‘Is there more?’

Once upon a time James looked at Peter’s face, at his friend’s face, and  asked him if he could do him the greatest favour of being their secret keeper.

‘It will be dangerous, I know’, James had said, not wanting to lie to Peter. ‘And I know it’s too much, Peter, but I wouldn’t ask if -’

‘James’, Peter had said, placing a hand on his shoulder, looking much more valiant than James had ever seen him. ‘I would do anything for you, you know that. You can trust me’.

James had trusted him and seven days later Voldemort had walked effortlessly into his house.

‘No, that’s it’, James whispers, knowing perfectly well what he is lying about. ‘We are just worried because he was a huge supporter of Voldemort and… well, he lost everything right after Voldemort lost to you, so -’

‘Let me guess, another crazy person who thinks I somehow can bring Voldemort back to power’.

‘We think so’, James agrees. ‘There will be extra protection in Hogwarts this year, so I ask you to just be equally extra careful, ok? Just be a good boy for once and stay inside the castle, or with people around you -’

‘I’m not scared’, Harry says.

‘I know you are not. But I want you to promise… don't go looking for Pettigrew'.

Harry opens his eyes, startled.

'Why would I go out looking for someone who wants to kill me?', he asks, and James just looks back at him, without answering. After a few seconds, Harry grins. 'Ok, I get it, I have a bad record'.

James lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

'You are notorious for acting first, think later. Hum, I wonder where that impulsive trace came from'.

Harry laughs.

'Mum, probably', he teases. Then his face softens. 'You don't need to worry, Dad. I am sure Sirius will catch him easily'.

'I trust Padfoot too'. There is a moment of silence. 'You still haven't promised'.

'Oh, you are right. I promise to behave this year'.

'Not too much, you can pull off a prank or two', James says, grinning, and Harry winks at him. 'Well, I think I will let you rest now. See if we can be on time this year in King's Cross'.

Harry flushes. They are always late because of him.

'Good night, Harry'.

'Night… hey, dad?'

'Yeah?'

'If you are a stag and Sirius is a dog, that friend of yours, Wormtail, was he an animagus too?'

James' throat is suddenly dry and he stops at the door to turn to Harry.

'Yeah, he was a rat', he whispers. 'Let me know if you see any strange rat around you, ok?'

'Isn't he… I mean, I thought he was dead'.

Harry says the last word in a low voice as if he feels guilty of remembering his father that his friend is dead.

Harry's eyes look so full of concern for him, so much like Lily's eyes, that he can hear her voice in his head, telling him to tell Harry the truth about Pettigrew and Wormtail, to explain to him what happened.

What James did.

How he didn't realize one of his best friends was a spy who sold James' family in exchange for power.

How he dared doubt Remus, while the real traitor was being cherished as a brave hero for keeping the most important secret.

How James would have died for Peter.

He can't face Harry. He can't tell him that truth.

'My friend is gone, James says at least. 'But you never know. Watch out for unknown rats, ok?'

Harry nods and James closes the door silently.

__________________

It’s not the first time the school year ends with James visiting the hospital wing in search of his son, but this is the first time he meets Sirius there.

‘Prongs -’, Sirius starts, looking guilty and trying to rise from the bed he was laying on, but James just shakes his head. Sirius’ head is all bandaged, and, from what Dumbledore told him, it was a nasty blow, along with many other cuts in his body.

Later, James will tease Sirius for being an old man that can’t even deal with a werewolf anymore, but now James is not in the mood.

‘Just rest, Padfoot’, he says dismissively. ‘Are you ok?’

‘I am, but -  he was here and -’

‘I know what happened. Dumbledore told me’. James presses his lips for a moment. ‘Where is Harry?’

Sirius winces at the tone of James’ voice.

‘He was released early this morning, but James… Come on, it’s not his fault’.

‘Which part? Going after Wormtail or almost being kissed by a dementor?’

‘Everything’, Sirius says softly. ‘He saved more than one life yesterday, you know. You should be proud of him’.

‘I will be prouder when he ends a year without me needing to pay him a visit in the hospital wing. Now, do you know where he is?’

Sirius sighs.

‘Try the lake. I think he will be there with his thoughts after last night.

James wonders what is in the lake that would particularly attract Harry, but he just nods, leaving the infirmary.

The truth is he is  mad. He woke up to a letter of Dumbledore, calling for him and Lily at their earliest convenience. James had recognized the tone of Dumbledore’s letter - it spoke of Harry getting into some adventure that he should not have.

Except he would not classify everything that had happened the night before as one of Harry’s adventures. It was much more a suicidal attempt because he could not fathom any good reason for his son to go after Peter Pettigrew - after promising he wouldn’t -, drawing Sirius’ attention, then Remus and, for some baffling reason,  Snape.

And then, as if that was not enough, even though Harry had managed, with his friends and Sirius and Remus, to catch Peter, he had slipped out of their fingers and everyone was almost kissed by one hundred dementors.

‘How?’, Lily had asked, her face pale and troubled, grasping James’ hand with such force that it was stopping his blood circulation. ‘How did they escape the dementors?’

‘They had time’, Dumbledore had answered enigmatically.

James had no time for deciphering enigmas. He had left to check on Sirius and to find Harry. He needed to understand why Harry had put himself in so much danger, over and over, and what had made him go chase after Peter Pettigrew when he knew the danger Peter represented.

And it had been all for nothing. Wormtail is still at loose, still a  danger, still unpunished for everything he did. And he got so close to Harry, whose life he once offered freely to Voldemort, even after assuring James he would protect it with his last breath…

The sun makes James blink blindly when he leaves the castle. It’s a beautiful hot day, and he sees a line of students going in the direction of Hogsmeade - it's probably the last trip of the year there.

With a guilt jolt, he thinks of revoking Harry's permission to go to Hogsmeade after there was a sight of Wormtail there. It turned out to be an unfounded rumour, but James had not been thinking straight.

He was never really able to when it involved Wormtail.

Harry had been furious at being forbidden from going to Hogsmeade and even Lily had not supported his decision then. Considering Harry had ended up meeting Wormtail at Hogwarts grounds, even if they went to the Shrieking Shack, he supposes he was on the wrong on that one.

He finds Harry easily after a few minutes, under the shadow of a tree with Ron and Hermione. They both raise when they see James approaching, and they each place a supporting hand on Harry's shoulder.

The sight fills James' heart with sudden warmth. He loves Ron and Hermione and he loves to watch them together. That trio has nothing to do with the Marauders, really - he can point out some similarities if he must, but they are altogether a different group.

And still James sees that, with Ron and Hermione, Harry has the kind of friendship that James himself found with Sirius and Remus. That friendship that will last a lifetime, through troubles and doubts.

His anger lessens a little.

Ron and Hermione whisper something to Harry and he sees his son nodding. They leave Harry, passing James with just a greeting with their heads. For some reason, Ron flushes when James waves back, looking strangely guilty.

'He thinks it's his fault', Harry explains, and James sees he was watching him from his place at the ground. Harry doesn’t raise. 'For not noticing what Scabbers was - well, that he wasn't a normal rat'.

'Nobody blames him', James whispers, sitting right next to Harry, who turns to the lake once more, seeming fixed on the sun shining in the water. 'Now - care to tell me what happened?'

'You are angry', Harry notes, with a sigh.

'Of course I am angry. I told you not to go after Pettigrew and what did you do?'

'I promised I wouldn't go after Pettigrew, but last night it wasn't him I was after. I was chasing  Wormtail'.

James feels the jab, even though Harry doesn’t sound particularly accusing.

'Harry -'

'And he had Ron', Harry adds simply. 'He knew I would go after Ron - he told me you would have done the same for him'.

James breathes heavily.

'I would'.

'Why didn't you tell me the story, dad?', Harry asks, sounding hurt, and he turns to James. 'Why did you never tell me that Peter Pettigrew was Wormtail - and everything he did?'

James presses his lips for a moment.

'It wasn't your burden to bear. This was on me. It wasn't you that he betrayed, Harry'.

'I don't think he sees that way', Harry sighs. 'He tried… well, let me tell you the whole story, ok?'

Harry waits until James nods to begin his tale of the last night.

He tells James how he, Ron and Hermione had broken the rules to do company to Hagrid because Buckbeak would be executed and how they had found Scabbers hiding in there. They had tried to return to the castle, but Scabbers had shrieked and bit Ron and then -

'He turned into a man', Harry whispers. 'It was nothing like that photo on wanted posters, I didn't even recognize him right away…'

Harry tells how Pettigrew dragged Ron to under the Whomping Willow, how Hermione's cat had helped them find the secret tunnel and then they had ended up in the Shrieking Shack.

'He said he just wanted to  talk, but he looked crazy like… he kept babbling and seeing shadows and he called me by your name more than once'.

'We do look alike', James notes dully. 'And then Sirius came?'

Harry sighs and he explains that Sirius and Remus had followed them.

'Wait, how did they know where you were?'

Harry looks guilty at that.

'Because Remus had the Marauder's Map'.

'What? He found it? He never -'

'He got from me', Harry admits, his voice dropping shame now. 'I… It came to me in December, after...' Harry stops and looks at him with deep sorrow. 'I am  sorry, Dad, I really am, I should have told you sooner, but - let me go back at the beginning…'

Then Harry tells, sounding really remorseful, how he got the Marauder's Map (though he doesn’t share names, because Harry is loyal), how he was upset that James had forbidden him from going to Hogsmeade and how he had used the Map to go to Hogsmead secretly and then he had listened to the story of how the Potters had been betrayed by one of their closest friends.

And how Harry had understood how Wormtail, whose name was written on the Marauder's Map, had been responsible for almost killing them.

'That's why you were withdrawn at Christmas', James says, finally understanding why Harry had seemed upset - he'd thought it was only because of the Hogsmeade permission and because of the accident with Harry’s broom.

'I couldn't tell you what I had heard', murmurs Harry. 'And I knew you never liked to talk about it, so… well, anyway, I had the Map until April only -'

As Harry continues his story, James thinks he will have a serious conversation with Remus about friendship coming before being a professor (though Remus will say that as Harry's teacher he shouldn't also share a Marauder’s secret - it's complicated, he supposes).

Then Harry talks about how Sirius and Remus incarcerated Peter.

'He kept telling he wanted to tell his story, that he was sorry, so sorry', Harry whispers. 'And I asked them to let him, I thought… maybe there was some excuse, maybe we had understood all wrong somehow… And he tried to explain, Wormtail, he told your story… how you turn into animagi for Remus... how he was always your friend and how Voldemort had tricked him…'

James' hand acts on its own, raising to grab Harry's shoulder. Harry turns to him with a sad smile.

'I think they wanted to believe him', he whispers. 'Remus and Sirius, I mean. Pettigrew kept talking about being sorry for everything, how he never wanted to betray any of us, and - there was a moment where Sirius and Remus lowered their wands… then Snape came'.

And with evident annoyance, Harry tells how Snape had come and had belittled them for being stupid enough to fall for Pettigrew's fake weakness again and how Sirius and Snape had fought.

'Snape cast this nasty spell, he hit Sirius… then I disarmed Snape, except Ron and Hermione did too, and he fell unconscious'. Harry rolls his eyes, unconcerned. 'I saw Snape last night, he is not happy with me. Not that he ever is -'

'So you jinxed your professor', James notes, thinking he should sound stern, even if he doesn't really understand why Snape had to stick his nose on that story when it had nothing to do with him.

'Yeah', Harry blushes, at least not seeming proud of it. 'Then…'

He tells how they revived Sirius and how Sirius had actually said Snape was right. They shouldn't trust Peter again.

'Wormtail screamed like if Sirius was giving him a death sentence', Harry whispers, his voice distant. 'And it was… he begged them, and he begged me, he said… he said you would have understood. You would have forgiven him'.

James' grasp on Harry is harder, but Harry doesn't seem to notice.

'Sirius told me Peter would have watched me die, would have watched you die, without turning a hair because he valued his life more than any of ours. He accused Wormtail of selling information for Voldemort for at least one year before his downfall…'

'We always knew there was a spy', James says, forcing himself to release his hand on Harry's shoulder so he doesn’t hurt him without meaning to. 'But I could never believe it was one of them… any of them'.

'He admitted', Harry says, with a grimace, as if he wished he was saying something different to his father. 'He confessed he was the spy and that he had been almost ever since leaving school… and he asked what he should have done, with Voldemort gathering so much power'.

'He should have died', James whispers. 'Died rather than betraying his friends, because -'

' - that's what you would have done for him', Harry finishes for James, with a sigh. 'That's what Sirius said. Then Remus told him that he should have known… if Voldemort didn't kill him, they would. They raised their wands… and that's where I stopped them. I placed myself in front of their wands, in front of Wormtail’.

'You?', asks James, surprised. He'd thought sense had come to Sirius and Remus.

'I told them you wouldn't like them to become murderers because of him. I - I thought how you once saved Snape from Sirius' prank because you didn't want any of them to feel guilty of killing someone and how… even if you never liked Snape, there are some lines you don’t cross'. Harry pauses, looking more troubled than any fourteen-year-old should feel. 'Was I wrong?'

There is a desperate need for validation on Harry’s face, but James looks beyond his son, over the lake, and if he closes his eyes he can hear the sound of four teenagers sharing a carefree laugh at the edge of the lake.

There are many questions he would like an answer to, but the one he always comes back to is “why?”. Somehow, he doubts even Wormtail really knows why he did everything and why he betrayed his friends.

And if Wormtail was right in front of him - older and weaker and alone -, James likes to think he would have felt the same pity that Harry felt. In the end, Wormtail did not win in what mattered the most. Harry is alive. 

And Prongs, Padfoot and Moony are still together.

'No, you did right', he whispers. 'I never thought if I wanted him dead or not - there was so much happening right after Voldemort fell, that the first time I thought about him was when Sirius came to tell us he was dead. I guess I was just so used to him being dead that I never wondered if... If I got the chance, if I had him at my mercy… I don't know. I like to think I would have done the same'.

He hears Harry breathing again at his side.

'I thought about the dementors and that if someone deserved Azkaban, it would be him', Harry explains. 'But then all hell broke loose’.

Then Harry finishes the story as James had heard already from Dumbledore, telling about how Remus forgot to drink his Wolfsbane Potion and how Pettigrew had escaped, but the dementors had been drawn to his presence anyway.

‘It was chaos’, Harry says in a low voice. ‘Sirius had drifted away to control Remus and it had worked because the werewolf ran to the forest, but Sirius was hurt -’

‘It was always a two-man job’, James notes. ‘Or two animals. With only one of us it was too difficult, and the werewolf was not used to being controlled after years of Wolfsbane Potion’.

Harry sighs.

‘And then the dementors came. I don’t think they cared who they were kissing, and I tried to cast the Patronus just as Uncle Moony taught me. But… I couldn’t’.

James feels goosebumps over his body, imagining the despair Harry must have felt then, with a hundred dementors upon him and Sirius - but he has no idea how they escaped.

‘And what happened? Snape -’

‘No, he was still knocked out… I was almost losing consciousness too, but then I saw…’ Harry smiles now, looking at James with nothing but love in his eyes. ‘ You. Prongs saved us’.

James blinks, confused. ‘I wasn’t there - what do you mean?’

Harry lifts his wand and points to the lake.

‘Expecto Patronum!’, he cries, and from the point of his wand, somehow brighter than the sun reflecting in the lake, comes out a beautiful stag, who runs to the lake before vanishing in a wisp of air.

A warm feeling spreads through James’ body and he stares at the place the Patronus vanished, somehow as lost for words as he felt the first time he ever saw Harry, just after he was born. He remembers looking at that tiny fragile baby, all wrapped in a blanket and crying out loud, knowing no words could explain what he was feeling then. They, he and Lily, had made that precious thing.

‘He is perfect’, was the first thing he said after several minutes, when Harry was quieter and Lily had helped him hold his son for the first time. James’ arms were trembling, but he managed to hold Harry, until his son slept in his arms.

James loves Harry ever since he knew of his existence, but there are moments where that love threatens to overwhelm and scare him a little too. He understands his love for his parents, for his friends and for Lily. But that paternal love for Harry - a mix of his desire that Harry gets to be free to live fully, but also a need of protecting him against all evil, so nothing can ever hurt him - he feels he will never be able to truly understand.

And now, seeing that Harry’s Patronus is his stag, it’s James, really, he feels that his desire of protecting Harry is being achieved. He will always be with Harry.

Harry begins talking again, explaining about Time-Turners and James refuses to think of the time paradox there, instead focusing on the satisfied smile that comes out on Harry’s face as he speaks of saving Buckbeak, and then how he accepted he couldn’t try to change time to catch Wormtail.

‘I couldn’t risk’, he says, distressed. ‘Hermione was right, if anyone saw us, if I changed anything - Sirius could be kissed’.

And so could Harry, but James knows Harry always thinks of others first. His son is too selfless sometimes, but as much as this worries James, it also fills him with a burning pride.

‘When the time came, I kept thinking you would appear, until - until I finally understood. I had seen myself - but also you too. And I thought about how you were always there for me, how much I wanted - I wanted to be like you’. Harry flushes and ignores the way James’ eyes are sparkling now. ‘Then Prongs came to life. I guess - all four Marauders were here last night’.

James hears once more the ghost of the laughs and he thinks how many times they had sat together around the lake, in September or in late spring, studying and joking and planning one of their pranks. Life at Hogwarts had been easier.

Except sometimes he wonders if Wormtail’s rupture began even at Hogwarts, when he felt left out or lesser than his friends, when he wasn’t as admired as James or as cherished as Sirius or as lovable as Remus. But this question is much like time paradoxes: James will get mad trying to understand it.

‘We never left’, James says at least. ‘The Marauders were made to stay at Hogwarts’.

Harry smiles softly.

‘Moony gave me the Marauder’s Map back. He says he doesn’t feel guilty now he is not my teacher any more’.

James sighs. He hasn’t seen Remus yet - he had left Hogwarts as soon as he could -, but Dumbledore had told him about his resignation after his secret had slipped out. This thought causes a wave of fury in him - it took Snape almost twenty years, but he finally managed to tell Remus’ secret, that git.

‘Can I keep it?’, Harry asks, and James can see the greed in his eyes, how much he wants to save the Map for himself.

The responsible part of him - the one that made him Head Boy and that drove him to hide instead of fight when Harry was being hunted by Voldemort - wants to get the Map back. But the other part - the one who helped create that Map, who is always thrilled for adventures and adrenaline - tells him it wouldn’t be fair. He’d want Harry to know Hogwarts’ secrets.

And Harry would get himself into trouble anyway.

‘It’s your legacy’, he says, making Harry beam. Lily will shake her head at the idea of Harry getting involved in even more confusion, but James will cover that for him.

At least this one. There are other aspects he can’t ignore.

‘Do you believe in prophecies?’, Harry asks suddenly, turning to him with a serious face, and James forces himself not to grimace.

‘Some people do’, he says vaguely, thinking back of that night Dumbledore had summoned him and Lily, as well as Frank and Alice, to tell them grave news. ‘I like to think we make our own destiny’.

Harry looks at him with a resolute expression, taking in James’ answer. As Lily says with half-amusement and half-exasperation, Harry always heeds his father’s words better than anyone else’s.

‘Good. Me too’. Harry sighs. ‘Dumbledore told me that someday I might be glad that I saved Wormtail’s life. That he is in debt with me, just as Snape is with you’.

James gives Harry a knowing look.

‘Let me guess, you want that debt as much as I want old Snape’s debt’.

‘I don’t want any connection with him’, agrees Harry. ‘He betrayed you. You - you could have died’.

‘I could. And even if I had, it would not change much, I hope’. He puts an arm around Harry’s shoulder, and Harry accepts his embrace. ‘Even if I were dead, I would always love and be with you’.

‘I am glad you are here’, Harry whispers, his voice breaking at the thought of his father dead, and he turns his face away from James.

James allows his son one moment of privacy, before grinning.

‘Let’s hope you still think so after this summer’, he says brightly. ‘As much as proud of you as I am, you did ignore me and went to Hogsmeade hidden, and you went after Wormtail - you are so  grounded this summer’.

Harry groans.

‘Oh, yes. We will talk about your chores - and no complaints or I will even revoke us going to the Quidditch World Cup’.

Harry throws a scandalized look at James.

‘You wouldn’t!’

‘Well, you are right, I wouldn’t. No messing with Quidditch. But if you want to go to Hogsmeade next year, then I expect a lot of work - I’m thinking of the garden and cleaning the attic  at least’.

‘You are the worst’, Harry moans, but James knows his son doesn’t really think so, and Harry knows he knows.

It works for both of them.

___________________

Harry is fourteen when Wormtail ties him to a gravestone, cuts him, takes his blood and helps to resurrect Voldemort.

That drives James very close to the edge.

Everything is stressful that summer. Harry is shut and brooding and so full of everything that for the first time in his life he actually screams madly at James and Lily, demanding to have answers even if he doesn’t even know what his questions are. Lily is worried about everything, her nerves worn thin, and the fact that they now have to live on Grimmauld Place until Harry returns to school doesn’t help her. Even Sirius, who James can always count on to be on the same page as him, is dark and sulking because he is away from work and locked inside his parent’s house most of the time.

James deals with all of them because he is good at helping other people and solving their problems. He lets Harry scream at him and he hugs him when Harry’s tired of screaming. He hears Lily’s worries and he helps her see everything will be alright. He takes Sirius off Grimmauld Place as much as he can, and if not, he tries to give him happier memories of that bloody house.

It’s his own problems that James can’t handle very well.

Lily sees through him but James doesn’t think she can understand this one. Peter was her friend, but not like he once was James, so Lily doesn’t feel particularly betrayed by the fact that it was Peter that bleed Harry and left him to die - again - despite the fact that Harry once saved his life.

That summer, finding Peter becomes an obsession for James. He can’t help but think that if he had tried to find him last year, maybe things could have been different. Every time James sees the faint scar on Harry’s arm, fury washes over him.

He searches through Sirius’ notes, talks with Kingsley and even tries to ask Snape if he knows something. Snape looks at him with disdain - nothing new there -, but for some reason, James believes when Snape tells him that whatever he’s been hiding, Wormtail is safe for now.

‘The Dark Lord despises him’, Snape explains coolly. ‘He knows your friend  is a vermin. But he was useful, so your friend is being protected’.

Snape always likes to remember James that Peter was once James’ friend, probably enjoying how this hurts James, even though James never takes his bait. He learned a long time ago that ignoring Snape annoys him much more than answering back and, in any case, he has bigger problems than worrying about a school feud that he really thinks Snape should be over by now.

‘Let me know if you learn anything useful’, it’s all James says, and he ignores how Snape seems affronted at this.

‘He could be dead if your son hadn’t been so noble’, Snape whispers softly, and he leaves before James can say anything.

It doesn’t matter. Even if James sometimes agrees with him, he wouldn’t say anything. Most of the time he still believes Harry did the right thing. He doesn’t want a murder in Sirius or Remus’ consciousness.

On his own, James thinks he could deal with.

But despite his best efforts, he never gets any closer to finding Wormtail. A rat always knows how to hide.

Still, his obsession almost cost him Lily and Harry,  and James promises to himself that one day he will find Wormtail, but never at the cost of what Peter almost took away from him once.

_________________

Harry is seventeen when he tells James that Peter is dead.

It’s in April. They know they shouldn’t, but James and Lily keep visiting Shell Cottage to assist Harry as much as they can before he leaves again, even though Harry isn’t asking for any assistance.

He looks more reserved than ever, vanishing for hours with Ron, Hermione and the goblin Griphook of all beings, and James has planned enough pranks in his life to know they are plotting something about that mysterious mission that Dumbledore left for them.

The one that Harry absolutely refused to tell his parents about.

James sees the impact of that mission on Harry. His son looks much older than his age, much graver and sorrowful than James would like. They all look like they've been through hell - they have cuts and they are thin and they look scared, but that trio refuses to speak of where they’ve been and what they’ve done.

‘Not yet’, Harry says, when James asks him. ‘When this is over, we will talk’.

James wonders when it will all be over, but he knows Harry wouldn’t answer that either. At some point, Harry grabbed the world, put it on his shoulder, and decided to walk carrying it on. He wishes that Harry would not give himself so much responsibility - or that he would share the weight at least.

On the last day of April, James is in the living room of Shell Cottage when he sees Harry, Ron and Hermione descending the stairs from another of their talks with Griphook. They all look more serious; while Hermione goes to check her things, Ron drifts off in search of his brother and Harry stops in front of James and Lily.

He looks first at his mother, and James sees they are in one of their moments of silent communication, that sharp understanding between them that James could never grasp really.

Lily sees more things in Harry's face than James ever could, and whatever she sees, it doesn't make her happy. James is about to question what this is about when Harry turns to him.

'Can we talk alone?'

Harry's face is grave, so James only nods. He raises, following Harry as he leaves the cottage, passing Dobby's grave and walking until they stand at the edge of a cliff overseeing the sea. He saw Harry in that spot before, looking all contemplative, but Harry never shared his thoughts with him.

It hurts a little to see his son so distant, as if Harry doesn't trust his father anymore, as much as it makes him satisfied that Harry is an adult now, able to make his own decisions.

He only wishes Harry got to be a kid before growing up.

Harry turns to him and now James can recognize the expression on his face. It's the same he had over the summer before he vanished at the wedding.

The face of someone who is leaving and doesn't know when - or if - will be back.

'We are leaving tomorrow', Harry announces and though James already expected to hear it, this sentence still fills him with despair and fear.

He can't ask where Harry will go and he can't ask when he is going to return. And he can't ask Harry to don't go. They had fought over this all summer (at least James had because Harry had just looked at him as if he had lived a thousand of lives and he had listened and looked sorrowful, but Harry had refused to say anything about his mission or to give up his idea of going).

His brave marvellous son is too stubborn sometimes.

So James ignores all his deep urge to grab Harry and run, choosing to respect his son, and asks:

'Will you be safe?'

'I think so', Harry answers and James loves and hates that he is being honest instead of promising something he can't control. 'We've planned this over and over'.

'Like you planned that break in the Ministry?'

Harry flushes at this, but he doesn't say anything. That adventure of his was in the newspaper, for Merlin's sake, and still, he refuses to say a word about why they did it or what they accomplished.

'Better, I hope', James says for him. 'Just tell me I won't hear about it in the newspaper again'.

Harry almost smiles at this; it's just a shadow, but it's a Marauder's smile, and it fills James' heart to the brim to know that Harry is still capable of it after everything he has been through.

Then Harry sighs and looks at the sea again.

'There is something I need to tell you before I leave'.

Just in case I don't return, Harry doesn't say but James hears it anyway.

'Pettigrew is dead'.

This is not what James expected to hear. He blinks, astonished, and hears as Harry explains mildly what happened at Malfoy Manor.

'His silver hand killed him?', James repeats in a low voice. 'The one Vol - You-Know-Who gave him?'

'Yeah. I think he always knew…'

'Of his debt?'

Harry shrugs.

'I don't think he minded that. It's the kind of thing he wouldn't believe in, like love and fairy tales or life debts'.

Harry speaks with a gloomy perspective of Voldemort's feeling that makes James shivers.

'I think he knew that some part of Wormtail regretted it. A tiny part, but it was enough'. Harry sighs heavily. 'We were struggling and I told him he owed me his life and… that you would be ashamed of him'.

James grabs Harry's arm, but Harry still looks far away.

'He didn't release me exactly, but for a moment, a fraction of a second, he hesitated. And then the hand turned against him. There was nothing we could do'.

'Of course not', James agrees absently, just following his instinct of comforting Harry. Then he registers what Harry said. 'You tried to save him'.

Harry doesn't answer, but he doesn't need to. James knows his son and, God bless him, his heart is always in the right place.

‘Why did you never talk to me about Wormtail?’, Harry asks, and James thinks that’s a question that has been bothering his son for many years now. ‘You told me once about Pettigrew, and you told me about Wormtail, but we never really talk about what he did’.

In the end, it did not matter because Harry had discovered in any case, but James feels suddenly ashamed.

‘I was embarrassed’, he says in a low voice. ‘Too ashamed to confess that everything that happened with us - your scar, the prophecy coming true - was because I put my faith in the wrong person, that I was too blind to believe my friend -’

‘It was not your fault, dad. You know, Remus once told me I was like you, too quick to consider dishonour to believe that a friend would betray me, and… he was right, but I’m proud of being like that. It’s better than living with fear. And if people don’t correspond to what we believe of them - that’s their loss. Not ours’.

Harry is looking at him with so much serenity that for an instant James feels more like the son than the father. In fact, now he sees, he realizes they are the same size now; there are differences of age and, of course, in the eyes, but they could be twins if seen from afar.

He wonders when Harry grew up so much and how much he really influenced his son. He hopes it was a lot, because he is really happy and proud of the man Harry is becoming.

James approaches him quietly, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder and for a moment they both stay looking at the ocean, watching the waves crash below them.

'Are you glad?', Harry asks in a whisper. 'That Peter died?'

James thinks of when catching Peter was a desperate need as if that somehow would solve all the problems that Peter had caused.

He remembers that fury he felt when Sirius told him Peter was still alive.

He remembers that trembling first-year boy in their dormitory, who wanted to be their friend, who looked up to James.

And he feels a longing for a time that was good, but he can't go back and he can't change what happened. Peter made his own choices, just as everyone else did.

And he had made the last choice of feeling guilty for a split-second and had died because of it.

But the fact is that Harry is here, alive. That's all he ever asked of Peter.

'I’m not glad', James whispers at least. 'But I’m also not sad. My friend was gone a long time ago'.

Harry gives him a long look and James thinks he doesn't agree totally with him, but Harry doesn't say anything. Lily would probably know what he means, and James never learned how to read Harry that well, but he doesn't mind.

Someday Harry will explain to him what he is thinking. Harry always tells him in the end.

'Be careful tomorrow', he says. 'And after that. Send us some news if you can - just to let us know…'

Let us know you're alive, James thinks, but he doesn't finish. Harry seems to understand, however. He nods and takes a deep breath, before turning to James with a hopeful smile.

‘Let’s go back for dinner?’

James almost says no. He thinks he can’t endure the feeling of sharing a meal with Harry and Lily and wondering if this will be the last meal they share; but the last time Harry went away, the feeling of not even remembering what was the last thing he’d said to Harry had been worse.

He wants a - not last, not ever the last one - dinner with Harry, and to hug him - not goodbye, but a good night - and to remember Harry that no matter what, they will see each other again. And, as Harry’s Patronus won’t let them forget, James is always with his son.

So James puts a brave smile on his face, messes with Harry’s hair in that way that makes Harry look pleasantly annoyed, and they return together to Shell Cottage.

[seaweedbrain404]

Wolfstar Au!: Epilogue pt 1 (the last part of Parties and Morning Regrets)

pt1 of the fic

read it on ao3

epilogue pt2

previous pt

i had to split the epilogue into two part because it was too long for tumblr, anyway tagging @icitlali for the second last time

5 years later - a year told through footage from Sirius Black’s camera

Jan 3

A tall, lanky man with tawny hair and barely visible freckles sat in an armchair with a book in his lap. A few moments passed before the man looked up.

���Fuck off Sirius”

A voice off camera spoke: “but Remus, you look really sexy when you’re reading”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “Tea?”

“Yeah”

Remus stood up, making his way to the kitchen, and Sirius followed. He switched the kettle on and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “Turn off the camera, Sirius”

Feb 20

The door to a new apartment. Remus had his hand on the doorknob.

“Okay now-“ Sirius’ voice said off camera.

Remus pushed the door open to reveal a slightly nicer apartment. Sirius walked in, camera in hand and pulled Remus into a kiss.

“It’s all ours” He flipped the camera around, to document the new apartment. “No more James and Lily shagging and me walking in on them”

Remus laughed. “We get to decorate it the way we want it”

“Does that mean-“

“No, absolutely no leather couches”

“Remus” Sirius whined and flipped the camera back to himself. “Remus has something against leather and apparently style too” he said into the camera.

Remus appeared beside him, kissing his cheek. “I said I’d either agree to a dog or the couches and you picked the dog”

“Cause dogs are cool”

Mar 10

A birthday cake with chocolate frosting. Remus was in front of it, ready to blow out the candles. Lily, James, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Peter Pettigrew were all standing around him while Sirius filmed.

“....Happy birthday dear Remus! Happy birthday to you!”

Remus blew out the candles, everyone cheered and Lily began cutting the cake. There was a small, dark haired boy who squeezed himself onto Remus’ lap.

“Happy birthday Uncle Moo’y!” The little boy cheered, turning around and hugging Remus.

“Thank you Harry”

“Your Uncle’s getting old, eh?” Sirius’ voice off camera spoke suddenly.

“Bugger off”

“Yeah, bugger off!” cheered Harry again, hoping off and running to the next person.

“Come on, I wanna interview you”

“Why?” Remus asked but took Sirius’ outstretched hand anyway.

“It’ll be fun” Sirius flipped the camera to show himself and Remus. He turned back to kiss Remus for a second before pulling him along again.

They walked across the hall to their bedroom and Sirius pushed Remus into a spare chair. He flipped the camera again, to show Remus.

“State your name”

“Sirius, you know my name”

“State your name”

“Remus Lupin”

“What age are you today?”

“28”

“How are you feeling today?”

“Good, I’m confused though” Remus laughed. “Why are we doing this interview?”

“So that you have something to look back on when you’re like 88”

“Does that mean I get to interview you in November?”

“Maybe… okay, who are your friends?”

“Lily and James, Dorcas and Marlene and Mary”

“Aren’t you forgetting someone?”

“I wouldn’t count a 3-year-old as a friend”

“I’m not talking about Harry”

Remus smiled, shrugging. “Well no, you’re not my friend, people who are in love usually aren’t friends”

“So, you’re in love with me?”

“Far too much for my own good”

Remus walked out of frame, the camera turned off.

April 29

A picnic blanket and a tree. Remus was leaning against the tree, eyes closed. There was a small child on his lap, also asleep.

James suddenly appeared in frame, obscuring Remus and Harry. “Whatcha doing?”

“Trying to have a nice moment”

James turned around so that the back of his head was visible. “I wanna hose them”

“Remus will kill me”

“It’ll be fun”

“Fine”

The camera cuts.

May 16

A beach, this time the camera was left on a rock. Sirius and Remus were both visible in frame. The sun was setting over the ocean, making the sky a bright pink.

Sirius kissed Remus, pulling him closer by the belt loops in his jeans. Remus’ hands were loosely around his neck.

Sirius pushed Remus away and knelt on the ground to propose. “Remus, will you?” he asked the question and glanced back at the camera.

Remus’ hands went to mouth, covering his nose as well. Tears welled up in his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll marry you”

The camera ran out of battery.

June 6

Another picnic blanket. Lily, James, Harry, Marlene, Dorcas and Remus were all sitting on it and smiling or waving at the camera. A dog was running around them, finally settling down with his head on Remus’ lap.

The others were chatting amongst themselves. Harry's chocolate covered face was momentarily zoomed in on. The camera panned from him across to Remus.

“Come on Sirius” Remus’ hands were outstretched towards the camera.

“I’m coming, I’m coming” Sirius' voice said off camera. “I’m just admiring the view”

There was a zoom in on Remus who laughed. “You’re literally pointing it at me!”

“That’s the point, love”