#hanabusa x shu

[heretherebedork]

Asuka is entirely trapped between them. Their love is freeing for them, bringing them together, but Asuka is trapped. He's absolutely hemmed in completely and his smile fades the more they love each other. This is the reminder of what he doesn't have and what he feels like he's loving. Asuka had enjoying the day, part of a bigger whole, but this brought them together in a way that reminds him of what he's running away from.

Behind them and then framed between them and Asuka might have found support but he's still alone, he's still struggling, and he still sees their relationship for how sweet and loving it is. In earlier scenes Shin had to get between Asuka and Minato constantly but this shows that the truth is that Asuka cannot get between them. That space isn't him pushing them apart, it's him seeing the love between them and wishing he could find his own way to make that space.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Do you believe me?

For @nieves-de-sugui 🧡

[noona96n]

I saw the post about asking you questions about your writing and first I just want to say I LOVE your writing! I adore WBL and I have read your fics multiple times. You are one of the writers that makes me wish we could leave kudos repeatedly!

So my question for you is an odd one and feel free to ignore it if you want.

Have you watched Kei x Yaku: Dangerous Buddy? Cause Shiro gives me such Shu Yi vibes! I can see Shiro needing to get out of Japan for a time and going to stay with his childhood best friend who now lives in a different country. They would be so fun and poor Shi De having to put up with both of them for a time. Especially when they start talking in Japanese instead of English so he doesn’t know what they are on about.

Anyways I’m just babbling mostly. Just wondering if you know who Shiro is and if you can also picture he and Shu Yi being adorable gremlins together?

yes yes i do know shiro~~ i adore him!!! and his actor!!!

i actually read a bit of manga before! i watched most of the live action too but got busy so i dropped it lol ik how it ends so im not very keen on picking it back up any time soon haha

and yes omg yes i can totally imagine SY and SR just vibing!!! they can totally become friends!!! SR could've attended one of the many corporate parties SY had to attend omg this is perfect

anon u have the biggest brain everrrrr thank u for putting this image in my head im so happy~~~

SR would have such a blast teasing SY about it too hnghhh

[mbruben-stein]

list of things I write and take requests for.

list of things I will write:

Scenarios.

Headcanons / HC (I only do four to seven characters.)

Boyfriend Scenarios.

Girlfriend Scenarios.

Dating would Include.

Match-up.

Soulmate.

Love stories

X Reader.

x pregnant character or reader.

Character X Character.

X They/Them reader.

X Male Reader

X Female Reader

Girl x Boy.

Boy x Boy.

Girl X Girl.

Yandere Alphabet

S/O Headcanons.

SFW Alphabet.

NSFW Alphabet 18+.

list of prompts writing request ideas and request:

Main Paige/list.

List of animes and characters that I write.

Snow White With Red Hair:

Zen Wisteria

Shirayuki

Kiki Seiran

Mitsuhide Louen

Obi

Mihaya

Kazuki

Ryuu

Raji Shenazard

Sakaki

Black Butler:

Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel Phantomhive

Mey-Rin

Grell Sutcliff

Undertaker

Finnian

Bardroy

Pluto

Lau

Soma Asman Kadar

William T. Spears

Agni

Ronald Knox

Alois Trancy

Claude Faustus

Hannah Annafellows

My Hero Academia:

Izuku Midoriya

Katsuki Bakugo

Momo Yaoyorozu

Shoto Todoroki

Fumikage Tokoyami

Mezo Shoji

Denki Kaminari

Hanta Sero

Kyoka Jiro

Dabi / Touya Todoroki

Mashirao Ojiro

Eijiro Kirishima

Ochaco Uraraka

Tsuyu Asui

Mina Ashido

Himiko Toga

Tenya Ida

Toru Hagakure

Mirio Togata

Tamaki Amajiki

Nejire Hado

Hitoshi Shinso

Melissa Shield

Hawks / Keigo Takami

Eraser Head / Shota Aizawa

All Might / Toshinori Yagi

Midnight / Nemuri Kayama

Mr. Principal / Nezu

Ingenium / Tensei Ida

Tomura Shigaraki

One piece:

Monkey D. Luffy

Roronoa Zoro

Nami

Nico Robin

Sanji

Shanks

Usopp

Trafalgar D. Water Law

Portgas D. Ace

Sabo

Dracule Mihawk

Inuyasha:

Inuyasha

Kagome

Koga

Sesshōmaru

Miroku

Sango

Kohaku

Shippo

The sacrificial princess and the king of beasts:

Sariphi

Leonhart

Ilya

Anubis

Death Note:

l lawliet

Light Yagami

Near

Touta Matsuda

Misa Amane

Ryuk

Vampire Knight:

Zero Kiryu

Hanabusa Aido

Yuki Cross

Kaname Kuran

Senri Shiki

Takuma Ichijo

Akatsuki Kain

Kaien Cross

Ruka Souen

Toga Yagari

Ichiru Kiryu

Rido Kuran

Attack On Titans:

Eren Yeager

Levi Ackerman

Mikasa Ackerman

Armin Arlert

Historia Reiss

Jean Kirschtein

Connie Springer

Hange zoe

Erwin Smith

Annie Leonhart

Sasha Braus

Moblit Berner

Reiner Braun

Marco Bodt

Bertolt Hoover

Ymir

Yu-Gi-Oh:

Yugi Muto

Seto Kaiba

Yami Yugi / Adam Moto

Téa Gardner

Joey Wheeler

Tristan Taylor

Mokuba Kaiba

Bakura

Avatar the Last Airbender. (Yes, I count this as an anime. This is because I really like it and love it. Sorry for the people who don't think it's an anime, but you can't change my mind.):

Aang

Zuko

Katara

Toph

Sokka

Ty Lee

Azula

Diabolical lovers:

Yui Komori

Reiji Sakamaki

Ayato Sakamaki

Laito Sakamaki

Subaru Sakamaki

Shu Sakamaki

Yui Komori

Kou Mukami

Ouran High School Host Club:

Tamaki Suoh

Kyoya Ootori

Kaoru Hitachiin

Hitachiin Hikaru

Haruhi Fujioka

Ritsu Kasanoda

Takashi Morinozuka

Violet Evergarden:

Gilbert Bougainvillea

Benedict Blue

violet Evergarden

Cattleya Baudelaire

Claudia Hodgins

Iris Cannary 

 The Ancient Magus’ Bride:

Chise Hatori

Elias Ainsworth

Lindel

Ruth

Silver

Assassination Classroom:

Nagisa Shiota

Karma Akabane

Hinano Kurahashi

Hinata Okano

Tadaomi Karasuma

Korosensei

Yuri on ice:

Yuuri Katsuki

Yuri Plisetsky

Victor Nikiforov

Mila Babicheva

Otabek Altin

Phichit Chulanont

Ben 10:

Ben

Gwen

Kevin

Rook Blonko

Ken

RWBY

Ruby Rose

Yang Xiao Long

Weiss Schnee

Blake Belladonna

Pyrrha Nikos

Lie Ren

Jaune Arc

Oscar Pine

Sun Wukong

Ozpin

Crow / Qrow Branwen

Tokyo Revengers:

Takemichi Hanagaki

Mikey/Manjiro Sano

Draken/Ken Ryūgūji

Takashi Mitsuya

Keisuke Baji

Chifuyu Matsuno

Hinata Tachibana

Kazutora Hanemiya

Akkun/Atsushi Sendo

Smiley/Nahoya Kawata

Angry/souya kawata

Emma Sano

Ran Haitani

Rindo Haitani

Shuji Hanma

Izana Kurokawa

list of movies and characters that I write.

Harry Potter:

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Rubeus Hagrid

Neville Longbottom

Ginny Weasley

Remus Lupin

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Draco Malfoy

Charlie Weasley

Sirius Black

Twilight:

Edward Cullen

Bella Swan

Jacob Black

Alice Cullen

Jasper Hale

Carlisle Cullen

Emmett Cullen

Sam Uley

Embry Call

Hocus Pocus:

Thackery Binx

Max Dennison

Rise of the Guardians:

Jack Frost

Bunnymund

Nicholas St. North

Tooth Fairy

Pitch Black

The Hobbit / The Lord of the Rings:

Bilbo Baggins

Thorin Oakenshield

Samwise Gamgee

Legolas

Fili

Kili

Thranduil

Frodo Baggins

list of Marvel movies / comics and characters that I write.

The Avengers:

Peter Parker / Spider-Man

Bruce Banner / Hulk

Tony Stark / Iron Man

Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow

Thor

Clint Barton

Steve Rogers / Captain America

Loki

T'Challa / Black Panther

Miles Morales / Spinn Spider-Man / Kid-Arachnid

Guardians of the Galaxy:

Peter Quill / Star-Lord

Rocket Raccoon

Gamora

Yondu

Groot

Drax

list of DC movie / Comics and characters that I write.

DC: 

Bruce Wayne / Bat-Man

Clark Kent / Superman

Diana Prince / Wonder Woman

Dick Grayson / Nightwing

Jon Lane Kent

Selina Kyle / Catwoman

Zatanna Zatara

Tim Drake

Kara Zor-El / Supergirl

Suicide Squad:

Harley Quinn

Deadshot

Chato Santana

Tatsu Yamashiro

Teen Titans:

Damian Wayne / Robin

Raven

Koriand'r / Starfire

Victor Stone / Cyborg

Garfield Logan / Beast Boy

Jaime Reyes / Blue Beetle

Terra

list of shows and characters that I write.

Secrets Of Unfortunate Events:

Violet Baudelaire

Klaus Baudelaire

Quigley Quagmire

Isadora Quagmire

Lemony Snicket

Fiona Widdershins

Duncan Quagmire

Gravity Falls:

Dipper

Mabel

Wendy

robbie

The owl house:

Luz Noceda

Edalyn Clawthorne/ the owl lady

Willow Park

Lilith Clawthorne

Gus Porter

Amity Blight

Emira Blight

Edric Blight

Hunter/ the golden guard

Milo Murphy's Law:

Milo Murphy

Melissa Chase

Zack Underwood

Sara Murphy

Amanda Lopez 

Dakota

Balthazar Cavendish

TMNT/ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012:

Leo/Leonardo

Raph/Raphael

Donnie/Donatello

Mikey/Michelangelo

Splinter/Hamato Yoshi

April O'nell

Cassey Jones

[crazyfreckledginger]

Character Order Imagines

For now, all characters will have an imagine until there is the same number for each. After that, two imagines per fandom will be posted depending on who you want to see. If there are other characters that you want to requests but is not listed and the fandom is enscribed, you can still request that character. 

Remember... The characters that I write for fics, headcanons etc.. are not the same, make sure to look at my fandom list!   

Bayverse:

Bumblebee 

Cade Yaeger 

Optimus Prime 

Dinobots 

Dragonstorm 

Others  

Diabolik Lovers:

Shu Sakamaki

Reiji Sakamaki

Ayato Sakamaki

Kanato Sakamaki

Laito Sakamaki

Subaru Sakamaki

Ruki Mukami

Kou Mukami

Yuma Mukami

Azusa Mukami

DC:

Damian Wayne (Robin) 

Dick Grayson (Nightwing) Arkham Knight  

Jason Todd (Red Hood) Arkham Knight  

Roy Harper (Speedy/Red Arrow/Arsenal)

The Justice League (WW, Batman, Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman) Superman

Tim Drake (Red Robin) 

Wally West (Kid Flash) 

DC/ Marvel Villians:

Bane

Donald Pierce

Erik Killmonger 

Francis Freeman (Ajax) 

Harley Quinn 

Loki 

Selina Kyle (Catwoman) 

The Joker (Jared Leto & Heath Ledger) and Jerome Valeska 

Victor Creed (Sabertooth)

Fairy Tail

Natsu Dragneel

Lucy Heartfilia

Happy

Ezra Scarlet

Mirajane Strauss

Juvia Lockser

Gray Fullbuster

Wendy Marvell

Cana Alberona

Loke/ Leo

Lyon Vastia

Hibiki Lates

Ren Akatsuki

Eve Tearm

Jellal Fernandez

From Dusk Till Dawn:

Kate Fuller

Kisa/ Santanico 

Richard ‘Richie’ Gecko 

Seth Gecko 

Hemlock Grove:

Roman Godfrey

Shelley Godfrey

Peter Rumaneck

Kingsman:

Agent Tequila 

Agent Whiskey 

Eggsy Unwin

MCU:

Bruce Banner (Hulk)

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)

Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel)

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)

Doctor Stephen Strange (Doctor Strange)

Eddie Brock (Venom)

Jim Rhodes (War Machine)

Johnny Blaze (The Ghost Rider)

Luis, Dave & Kurt

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)

Peter Parker (Spiderman)

Pietro Maximoff (Quicklsilver)

Rocket Racoon

Sam Wilson (Falcon)

Scott Lang (Antman)

Shuri Udaku

Steve Rogers (Captain America)

Talos

Thor Odinson

Tony Stark (Iron Man)

T’Challa (Black Panther)

Wanda Maximoff (Scarlet Witch)

Shadowhunters:

Alec Lightwood

Isabelle Lightwood

Magnus Bane 

Rafael Santiago 

Sirius The Jaeger

Yuily

Mikhail

Dorothea

Philip

Sons Of Anarchy:

Jax Teller

Happy Lowman 

Chibs Telford 

Tig Trager 

Juice Ortiz 

Opie Winston 

Tara Knowels/Gemma Telller/Clay Morrow/Half Sack

SAMCRO

Stranger Things:

Billy Hargrove 

Steve Harrington  

Supernatural (only up to season 6):

Castiel

Crowley

Dean Winchester

Lucifer

Sam Winchester

Teen Wolf:

Allison Argent 

Derek Hale 

Isaac Lahey 

Kira Yukimura 

Liam Dunbar 

Lydia Martin 

Malia Tate 

Peter Hale

Scott McCall 

Stiles Stilinski 

Theo Raeken 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

April O’Neil 

Casey Jones

Donatello 

Leonardo 

Michelangelo 

Raphaël  

The Seven Deadly Sins

Melodias

Ban

Diane

King

Merlin

Elizabeth Liones

Hawk

Jericho

Howzer

Guilthunder

Arthur Pendragon

Estarossa

Zeldris 

The Defenders:

Jessica Jones

Kilgrave

Luke Cage

Matt Murdock 

The Vampire Diaries:

Bonnie Bennett

Caroline Forbes

Damon Salvatore

Elijah Mikaelson 

Jenna Sommers

Kai Parker  

Katherine Pierce  

Klaus Mikaelson

Elijah Mikaelson

Kol Mikaelson

Lexi Branson 

Lorenzo St. John

Rebekah Mikaelson

Stefan Salvatore

Tomb Raider:

Lara Croft 

Lu Ren 

Wiliam ‘Cap’ Hatfield  

Vampire Knight:

Kaname Kuran

Zero Kiryu

Aido Hanabusa

Akastuki Kain

Senri Shiki

Takuma Ichijo

X-Men:

Axel Cluney (Zeitgeist) 

Nathan Summers (Cable) 

Ellie Phimister (Negasonic Teenage Warhead) 

Jack Hammer (Weasel) 

Neena Thurman (Domino) 

Laura Kinney (X-23) 

Logan Howlett (The Wolverine)

Peter Maximoff (Quicksilver) 

Remy Le Beau (Gambit) 

Wade Wilson (Deadpool) 

Yukio 

Last updated: 31/08/19

[heretherebedork]

The soft, soft, soft way that he looks at the phone after finally talking to Asuka again? The tender glance? The little hint of a smile? Deceased. This what they can have and what they will have if they just keep talking.

I love Shu learning about himself and learn about Asuka and how much he is learning to accept and his own growth. His own self acceptance is growing and it's darling.

I love this acknowledgement that Asuka has loved Shu the whole time and that Shu is just starting to realize what that truly, really means. This isn't about a relationship where everything was unequal or anyone was being manipulative. This is about a relationship where one half really did have to discover new things about himself and the other half was trying to settle for less than he needed or wanted for the sake of having someone to love.

While they could have had a queerplatonic relationship that Asuka would have accepted and Shu would have remained comfortable in, their own changing emotions and closeness has changed that for both of them and it's just so fascinating to watch.

As someone who struggles with the idea of returning romantic feelings for someone (not that I can imagine someone feeling romantic feelings towards me in the first place) this is amazing. The expression of that fear? The knowledge that romance is a struggle for him and that he may never feel as strongly as Asuka but wants to try? The fact that he wants this romantic relationship but doesn't know if his feelings are as powerful as the person who loves him but he is still worthy of being loved and worth the effort of love? It's gorgeous.

I do love that Shin is also learning from Shu but that he supports Shu was well. Shin, who wants Minato to love him just as fiercely as he loves Minato, understands that Shu and Asuka's relationship is different but also that his relationship can look different than he expected.

This is about learning from each other and learning about love from every angle and every aspect and every person around you because love is never the same and love is important and love matters.

[heretherebedork]

The lollipop.

Something shared from childhood, a comfort, a symbol of care and curiosity and something new and a history shared together that has always been a struggle for them to understand because each man makes such different assumptions.

Shu gave a lollipop to an upset boy to comfort him and now Asuka still looks at lollipops and thinks of Shu and Shu still carries one in his pocket.

The sweetness that once offered comfort now represents love. Love that Asuka embraces and that Shu carries quietly and that they can now learn to share more equally.

[heretherebedork]

I love starting with this shot. Through a fishtank, watching them as they can't even look at each other, watching Asuka stare at Shu who stares at the fish and knowing that they share love and share a want for more and wondering if they can manage to finally say the words they share or if they're still trapped in their own fears and their own minds.

I do appreciate that Asuka speaks first because we know how much he's been hurting and how confused he is by everything going on. And he asks before Shu has even turned to look at him, he asks staring at the back of his head and desperate. They're both desperate but they both struggle so much expressing themselves.

Finally

Communication has finally opened! Thank you, Shu. Thank you. He finally says what he saw and he listens after. I really do love that the doubt is easily dispelled.

I love this tiny confused boy so much y'all. Asuka went out of his way to help a friend and never thought that helping her would be the thing that ended up hurting him. And yet here we are, here we are and he is aching.

And this is why I love Shu so much as well. Shu wants the explanation. He wants to know. He wants to understand. He's afraid of understanding, yes, but he needs to know.

I also love how he just can't sit still. But this is also about how Shu and Asuka need each other to work on their communication. They struggle alone but, together, they can do this.

(We know the explanation and we know it makes perfect sense and we know it's true but Asuka didn't know the problem and Shu didn't know what was happening and this finally opened up space between them that has been empty for a long time.)

Asuka has never even contemplated that idea that Shu could really, actually love him. He's never considered that an option. The idea of Shu being jealous never crossed his mind. Why would it? Shu has never expressed love in a way that Asuka would recognize. He's always the one to push that Asuka said he would be happy at his side, to pull away from affection, to push their own space and that Asuka needs to earn any chance to even just do something with him.

Asuka had accepted this queerplatonic relationship as a replacement for the romantic one he desired and he is suddenly faced with the idea that maybe, maybe, he could have what he's always wanted.

Shu, darling, we all love you and we understand but Asuka has loved you for a very, very long time.

Asuka so excited by the idea that Shu was actually thinking about him, actually jealous of anything, that he forgets to explain what he was doing in his eagerness to chase down Shu and get an answer is just... perfect.

Asuka acts without thinking. He leaps in, feet first, and he acts the moment he can and when he can and when he gets excited nothing else matters. He is the embodiment of puppy energy.

Shu, finding out the truth: Oh, I was worried about that? What was I worried about again?

Everyone but Shu knew this. Literally. Every single person knew this. And, honestly, Asuka has confessed to Shu several times but it's understandable because Shu experiencing jealousy for the first time and realizing his own love for Asuka absolutely blindsided him. It took him out entirely and left him mostly unthinking.

But this is also just the sweetest little confession. I love how earnest Asuka is and how much he cares about Shu and how much love he just wants to pour into him given a chance. Asuka wants to love Shu even without love in return and to be able to love him with a chance at something in return? More than he ever dreamed.

I really, really love that Shu believes Asuka. I love that this miscommunication is easily solved and that all it takes is a question and the truth and there's no fight or disbelieve. It's as simple as telling the truth and being understood.

Shu is so unused to the idea of loving someone, of the concept itself, and yet here he is. Falling in love. And realizing that what Asuka feels for him makes him happy. And Asuka just melts for him.

A hug! An actual hug! Oh, it's good. Shu might ask him to stop but he also stops trying to push him away quickly enough. I love that for them. They're discovering what it means to love each other and what it means to share love with each other. This is their journey. It isn't about coming out or about exploring the societal pressures. It's about coming to terms with changing your own views of love and what it means to you and what it means in a relationship and discovering what love is.

Asuka has loved Shu for a long time but Shu is just discovering that he can love romantically and that's what their relationship is about. It's about changing and discovering that you can change and realizing that love can mean many different things but also realizing how important it is to share when you discover it.

[heretherebedork]

Asuka has so many shots this episode in the dark, outside, in places where he's alone and where no one else sees him or would or cares and the illustrations of how alone he is, how much he's struggling by himself without anyone to turn to about his relationship... He can't talk to Shin, Shin just dismisses him. He can't talk to Minato, Minato doesn't give advice. He can't talk to his family, he's not out to them. He can't talk to Shu, Shu isn't talking. So all he has is himself and the darkness and the silence and fear that is filling him up.

Asuka asks to talk (but we're never looking at him when he does, only at Shu, only at Shu who keeps on saying no no no no) and he just desperately wants to communicate but he can't press the way Shin can with Minato, he can't just not give up because Shu isn't like that, because Shu can and will simply push him away and Asuka isn't brave enough to push knowing what he thinks might happen.

Shu getting injured is enough to Asuka to break the barrier between them, to cross the doorway, but he's instantly rebuked and stops again. Asuka simply cannot press hard enough nor should he. Shu is not at the point yet where he could understand or react properly to Asuka's pain and loneliness even in their relationship. He's still figuring out that he even has feelings. And Asuka doesn't know that but he knows that he simply cannot push the way Shin does.

Watching Asuka's heart break in real time is so painful. Up until now, he'd at least been trying to pretend their relationship was okay and that Shu cared about him in return. But this moment is nothing but doubt. He's suddenly unsure and he was never exactly secure so this only makes it worse. He's staring at Shu with pain in his eyes and all that love that he's been trying to keep alive and trying to be happy with what he can get and suddenly there's nothing.

The worst part is knowing why this happened and understanding exactly what Shu is going through and what he's starting to realize and what he's thinking but also knowing that Asuka knows nothing and is just hurt and lost and lonely and aching and so, so afraid.

Asuka has loved Shu for years. He agreed to date him believing that Shu could not love him but would at least try to be in a relationship. He agreed to just try being together and he's been falling apart ever since because that relationship simply isn't enough to fulfill him, especially with their poor communication.

I love that they're falling apart in such a similar but dissimilar way to Shin and Minato. Shin and Minato both love each other and know that but are insecure in their own ways and struggling with coming out and own their affection and being public and all of that. While Asuka and Shu are struggling with the internals of their relationship, with what love looks like and feels like for them and how to talk about anything with each other.

Ongoingly, that is why I love Shin and Shu's friendship. They're so different and their friendship really is powerful.

My entire heart for this moment. Asuka's shock that Shu says he doesn't dislike talking to him? That's some of the most direct affection and positive reaction to their interaction that Shu gives him. Asuka is instantly so happy and disbelieving and Shu doesn't see or understand how desperate he is because he's still thinking about seeing Asuka tell someone that a girl was his girlfriend. He also has no idea how desperate Asuka is for this affection because neither of them can communicate and because he's just starting to realize how he feels for the man he agreed to date.

Asuka is so desperate for anything because he's trying to cling to the idea that just being at his side will be enough as he realizes it isn't and Shu is uncomfortable because he's learning new things about himself each and every day.

Asuka reaches out and Shu panics because he doesn't understand what he feels. But Asuka knows what he's feeling and it's heartbreak.

I mean, can you imagine having your boyfriend say that to you?

Now, again, we know that Shu thinks Asuka is cheating on him and saw him when he was helping a friend. We know that Shu is starting to realize that he loves Asuka a whole lot more than he thought and that he's hurt and unsure about their status. We know what Asuka doesn't know any of that and only sees his relationships falling apart with nothing happening. We know that Asuka was only helping protect a friend when he said they were going out. We know that what's happening here is a complete failure of communication. They don't. How would they know? They're the failure to communicate.

Asuka doesn't push. He sees that Shu is uncomfortable and looking away from him and he steps away. He can't push this issue. He's too afraid of losing what little he has, the tiny things he's managed to piece together, that he cannot risk losing anything bigger by asking for what he truly needs in this relationships.

It's a fatal flaw to what they have now and why they need to change. Why they need to grow. Why all this pain has to happen. Because when people are afraid to ask for what they need in a relationship, that relationship is doomed.

Asuka and Shu need to rebuild their relationship from the ground up, from the love up and that is why Shu needs to realize he loves Aauka and Asuka needs to learn how to express his needs.

And he says that while he's trapped in the open doorway, back on the other side of everything, getting nothing from Shu but his back and his silence and suddenly he's on the outside and he can't even look because what he wants to see has turned away and left him alone. He begs to talk on Line and gets nothing. Shu doesn't turn back to us or to him again. He is closing himself off because what's happening scares him so much and he doesn't have any idea what to do or say or think. He doesn't turn around until he's sure Asuka is gone.

He turns around only when Asuka is entirely gone but he stares at him with that same heartbroken look Asuka was giving him. They're both shattering their hearts on each other because they just can't communicate. Neither one knows what to say so they don't say anything at all.

Asuka is trying to cling to the idea that loving Shu without being loved in return is enough and Shu is just barely starting to realize that what he feels for Asuka is more than he ever imagined he would feel.

And we're back to where we started. Back to Asuka outside and in the dark and alone and aching and clinging to a relationship that isn't giving him anything he needs. But he doesn't know how to let go and he doesn't want to let go, no matter how much he is being hurt.

The ache of it all just overwhelms me. I'm very glad that we see (in a scene I will analyze in a different post) that Shu really didn't realize he was in love with Asuka and is just starting to realize how he feels. Because if he'd know that for longer... it would be a lot worse, honestly.

[heretherebedork]

In which a lollipop represents love. Asuka is already enjoying his lollipop but he's also heading off on his own, feeling better but still hurting and wanting to give them the chance to be by themselves together instead. Asuka knows he's in love and he's known for a long time. He unwrapped his own feelings, he's accepted his own feelings even if they aren't returned, even if this is all he ever has.

Shu doesn't unwrap the lollipop. He doesn't taste it, he doesn't accept it. He holds it and he wraps it up in his hands and he stares. He is still afraid of what this means, of what loving Asuka means to him. Shu is afraid of love and so his love is still wrapped up and held, unopened.. He's examining the container but not the contents.

(But it's also the only connection they have in this episodes. This single lollipop that one is eating as he leaves two people to their love story and one wrapped up lollipop held tightly in pain and worry.)

[heretherebedork]

Looking through all my screenshots to talk about the lollipop connection, I was struck by this.

Shu holds Asuka's hand the same way he holds the lollipop.

Even before he realized he loved Asuka, even before he discovered his own jealousy, he already held Asuka as something, as someone, precious.

Shu's love is different and he feels it differently and he expresses is differently but he loves Asuka and he has long loved Asuka, in his way.

Now they have begun their exploration of their unique relationship, their own love, the way that they love each other and will be loved by each other.

As sweet as a lollipop and as sweet as a moment of kindness and as sweet as wanting to see each other smile.

[heretherebedork]

Mmmm, Shu in the doorway as he finally approaches his own feelings through Shin who has never shied away from love or standing up for his relationship.

This contrasting with the way that Minato has separated them due to Shin's jealousy and want to be out about their relationship is very interesting because Shin has never doubted his love while Shu is just starting to realize that he might feel something more for Asuka.

We're making the transition from a queerplatonic relationship that was not fulfilling what Asuka needed but was what Shu thought he wanted into a romantic relationship that they both want as this love is realized.

I am not implying or saying that a queerplatonic relationship is less than romance. By no means. But It is different and these characters trying to face their differences and to face what's changed and what's different and what it means is truly interesting.

Because Asuka has always approached this as a romantic relationship but tried to temper his own love with the knowledge that Shu simply didn't feel that way... while Shu has just been coasting along on Asuka's affection and love because it fulfilled what he needed from their relationship... until it didn't because he saw Asuka supposedly cheating and started to realize that he wanted more.

... This doorway just means a lot to me, okay? Shu is taking the first steps into a change in his identity, realizing he's in love and what that means for him and for his relationship and how it affects him and it's beautiful. Because he is the student to Shin's expertise. We see him through the same doorway, sitting at a desk, Shin in a position of authority.

Again and again we see Shu not using his words because he doesn't know what to say or how to say it or assumes that people will understand him without his spoken participation. Shu always makes the very base assumption that people know what he needs and what he means without having to actually say it.

That's part of why his relationship with Asuka is under so much stress. He only says about half of what he needs to express his feelings and affection and he says even less sometimes because he doesn't know what he's feeling himself.

Third time for this exact trope of someone thinking that the physical manifestation of love is a physical malady with their heart. I love them all.

But also this just explains so much. Even when Shu was showing Asuka affection, it wasn't from a place of romantic love. At least not yet. He hadn't realized that what he felt was love, that he felt more than he'd thought.

Shu came into this expecting a queerplatonic non-romantic relationship on his part and to simply be who he could be to Asuka and assumed that Asuka loving him was just... enough. And now he's realizing that he fell in love and he think that Asuka might have fallen out of love because he thinks he was cheating on him.

My beloved this absolute emotional idiot. I love Shu so much because he doesn't recognize his own emotions. He has no idea and no connection to the idea that he loves Asuka and that's why his heart hurts. He really doesn't know. This is entirely foreign to him.

Shin is so done with everyone else's relationship. His struggles in his own have left him with just nothing. He's so frustrated with these older men who don't seem to know their own feelings.

We need so many more straightforward boys like Shin, y'all.

Oh, Shin, we all love you. The most audacious boy to ever BL. The best beansprout. The boy who loved and loved and loved and never stopped for anything.

Shin getting to express his frustration with the way his relationship with Minato is good here. It's important to know that he loves Minato but he's also hurt by the way Minato acts and treats him sometimes, that for all his love doesn't end he isn't always happy about it. It's just nice how many people Shin has to talk to about his feelings.

Unlike Minato and Asuka.

(That is a whole thing I could talk about, how Shu and Shin both have other people to confide in and manage to communicate with each other while Asuka and Minato tend to end up very trapped in their own heads. They can't even give each other advice because they're caught in their own thoughts. Asuka does have Shin to have some extent but their communication is also rough.)

Shu literally getting smacked with the realization that he loves Asuka. That he absolutely, fully, completely loves him. You know. His boyfriend.

Well, again, I think Shu considered them to be queerplatonic and to realize that you're feeling romantic love when you never considered yourself capable of romantic love is a terrifying concept. To be faced with feelings you never thought you'd have and for someone that you think might have stopped feeling that for you... terrifying.

Shin continues to be a genius and Shu's realization takes a lot for him. I mean, it is in fact huge. I can't be upset with him.

But also I think that this explains a lot of why people struggle with their relationship. @italianpersonwithashippersheart's has left all the best comments in my tags about their struggles with their pairing and I get it (also, omfg, those tags make my day EVERY TIME just FYI). And I think this is a huge component of it. Realizing that Shu didn't know he loved Asuka has colored all his actions in this entire show so far. Shu has genuinely been acting on affection and care but not on romantic love. Because he didn't recognize it as a feeling and because he doesn't even know what it means.

It's a struggle because there is a difference between how you care for someone and how you stay in a relationship with someone when you care for them versus when you romantically love them.

This is also about Shu coming to the realization of what's been happening in their relationship. Of what their relationship is and what it means to him.

This is the perfect halfway mark for the series because the rest has to be about settling with the cheating and the communication and what romantic love means to both of them. We know Asuka has been feeling neglected and lonely in this relationship and now it's Shu's turn to try to act on what he's feeling.

May Shin's direct communication be a blessing to these two. Because Shu and Asuka need to actually talk at some point. Desperately. They need communication. But Asuka is afraid of losing Shu and Shu didn't realize what he felt until it was threatened.

I am already dying for next. Absolutely lost. Absolutely gone. Asuka is so terrified of losing Shu that he can't do anything or act on anything or speak up because he's terrified of losing even the tiniest hints of what he has. And what is Shu going to do? Who's he going to talk to!? I doubt it's Asuka, honestly. But I cannot wait. I love this show so much, y'all.

(Also, the chup chup has been a Thai joke about kissing so many times that I'm a bit surprised to see it in Japan but I love it.)

[heretherebedork]

Asuka in a doorway but it's not with Shu and so he can open the door, he can let himself in, he can pout and push and go over the top because both Minato and Shin are safe for him. He knows he can't push them away and lose them. So he opens the door, the steps in, he stares at them. He is hurting but he is still freer with them than he ever can be with Shu.

He breaks the line, enters their space, without hesitation. And he wants to be able to do that with Shu, we've seen that again and again, that he wants to be able to share his space and his love... but he is so afraid of losing Shu that he never does.

Asuka's hurt versus the shock of both Shin and Minato is perfect. Because he was comic a moment ago and now he's shrunk so throughly that it's almost shocking. Because that's how much he hurts.

(Also because Shin knows that Shu is talking about loving Asuka and has asked him advice about that in his relationships. Shin knows that Shu loves Asuka and has just started to realize those feelings so of course he's even more confused. How could Shu recognize those feelings and leave Asuka feeling like this? That is entirely foreign to Shin.)

This is why I love Asuka so much. He can go from being the saddest most serious young man to over the top insistence because that's just how he tries to cope. He hates being serious. He runs to Minato and Shin and he makes a big show but the quietness, the pain, the seriousness, seeps in more and more. He's so much smaller when he's letting himself hurt.

Insert more about how Asuka pushes them apart and steps into their space and changes everything going on between them but also how much he can do that with them while he can't even begin to get closer to Shu or push him for answers or affection.

More doorways! But this time he isn't alone. This time, Shin and Minato are there with Asuka. He's being listened to, he's being believed, he's getting to actually communicate his fears.

(I really want to point out that Shin and Asuka are on the same side of the table and that the table is between Shin and Minato. Shin and Asuka are the young one struggling with uncommunicative and insecure and unsure older partners while Minato represents the relationship Asuka wishes he had with Shu but is still struggling with what Shin wants and needs.)

But also, Asuka is just struggling so much and he doesn't have anyone else to turn to. Minato is his most trusted adult.

And this just hurts. Because Asuka has been trying to feel lucky for so long. He's been trying not to worry. He's been trying to be happy with what Shu can give hum. But he's aching. He's lonelier in this relationship than he ever was outside of it and yet all he hears if that he should be happy that Shu will even look at him, would even take this chance. Minato says to feel special but all Asuka feels is alone.

This is alone emblematic about how Minato thinks in relationship, honestly, and it's fascinating. The value in the relationship being about someone taking a chance on you rather than communication and making your partner feel wanted and loved... this is something Minato is constantly overcoming but automatically leans back into it when giving advice.

(Also, Asuka is so tiny when Minato tells him he should feel special. Tiny and tired.)

And he doesn't know why. Asuka has no idea what's going on or why and he's just... hurting. He's hurting and aching and he's trying to talk about it but he can't tell the person who's hurting him not just because he's being ignored but also because he's constantly afraid to tell Shu anything that might push him away. And now he doesn't know what he's done and it's still happening.

Teeny tiny boy not getting any useful advice from anyone, honestly. He's trying so hard but there's no one around him who can help because they've got their own issues.

Again and again, we get more of these quiet moments where Asuka admits that he's struggling without also going over the top... but struggles so much and a moment later he's up and big and taking up space and quick to fight because what else is he supposed? This is hard, this hurts, he doesn't want to hurt.

Absolutely emotionally destroyed for both of them and how they could really, really use each other as a good friend but neither of them knows how to communicate with each other. At least Shin is better at communicating with Minato than Asuka is with Shu but the both of them have so much in common and could so easily be supporting each other instead of fighting.

(But also more about how a relationship looks on the outside versus how it feels on the inside and how Minato and Shin's relationship is, despite their issues, a lot healthier and more open than Asuka and Shu's is.)

Ongoingly, tiny sad Asuka is hurting me but also just about my favorite boy. He's struggling and so he studies because he can't sleep. And having Shin see him like this? See him struggling and quiet and small and that's when Shin helps him, when Shin stays with him.

This boy. I am really, really starting to wonder what's going to happen when they talk. Because Asuka is absolutely desperate and so hurt and he's trying so hard all the time. Asuka really has been putting all the effort into their relationship up until this point and now he's suddenly trapped on the outside with no idea what he did and no idea how to change it.

This is why I'm worried about their talk. Because Shu is going to have to both talk and listen and they've both struggled with that so much. Will Shu genuinely believe Asuka? Will Asuka find the words that make sense? Will Shu actually be straightforward? Will they figure out what's going on?

I had to end on this because it's so sweet and it shows that none of them are alone and none of them will let someone be alone. For all that Shin is frustrated with Asuka on a regular basis... he saw him in and pain and he stayed with him, he studied with him, until they both fell asleep.

No one is alone. No needs to be alone. Being together is better than being alone.

[heretherebedork]

My entire heart for this silly boy, this goofy boy, who is trying so hard and loves so much and then watches other people love and realizes how little he has but how much he wants what he has to never end.

Asuka just aches with his love for Shu and he sees how happy Minato and Shin are, no matter how much they might be struggling on their own. Because even when they're struggling, Minato and Shin have the relationship he wishes he had. They touch and they share their life and they smile at each other and they laugh together and they're affectionate no matter how awkward it might get.

But, especially now, Asuka is caught in a place where all his love aches and all his love feels like he's losing everything. He's been in this relationship with Shu for months and even when he wasn't getting what he needed, he was getting something but now he's not getting anything at all.

I do love the contrast we saw in these scene, between the over the top goofy Asuka that runs and yells and then these quiet moments that are so rare because he doesn't like these quiet moments, he doesn't like to be quiet and hurt because it feels more real. And each time we see them, despite his own wild actions a moment before, there's a reminder than he's still young and still in love and still hurt and just trying to distract himself from that pain.

[heretherebedork]

If we actually get this next week, I will absolutely die on the spot. My boys! The possibility of communication! The chance to actually understand each other! The tiniest hint that they might clear up a misunderstanding.

(The contrast of how long their misunderstanding lasts versus how Minato and Shin really do end up clearing the air between them fairly quickly each time is gorgeous but I need them to start at some point.)

But this is important because it does have to be Shu who starts this conversation, who asks questions, who brings up what happened from his point of view because Asuka is completely unaware of what happened.

They need to talk. They need to tell each other what's hurting them and what's making them ache and what they're thinking because they're not sharing any of that. Asuka has never told Shu how much he truly wants in their relationship and how much he isn't getting it and Shu saw him appear to be cheating and instantly pulled out of their relationship entirely. Now, yes, that's because he is in the process of realizing that his queer platonic feelings and relationship are turning into a romantic one despite him thinking he'd never actually experience romantic love... but they still need to communicate. At all. Even just a little.

So, fingers crossed.

Though we're still early enough in the series that this could just be another miscommunication and more issues between them because, well, we just hit the halfway point.

[heretherebedork]

I am still thinking about Shu and Asuka and doorways.

They are so trapped y'all.

Asuka is trapped in a relationship where he isn't getting what he needs, neither the attention not the affection, but he can't bear the idea of losing this relationship either. And Shu is just coming to the realization that he is actually in love with Asuka and he is trapped in his own lack of knowledge and pain that he doesn't understand.

They are seeking, looking for something, and Shu finds the explanation with Shin but Asuka finds nothing.

Both Asuka and Shu are constantly looking when the other person isn't, trying to catch a glimpse of something. Asuka searching for a sign that this relationship can be what he needs and Shu trying to determine what's going on.

The problem is communication. Neither of them talks about what's bothering them. For all that Shu is so often straightforward about his intentions, when it comes to actual emotions he expresses nothing and gives nothing because he often doesn't even seem to realize he's feeling them himself. And Asuka is so scared of losing Shu, of pushing him too hard, that he cannot take any risks.

They are both clinging to this in different ways, one from the belief that words are more important and one out of desperation to not lose what he finally found.

(I was thinking of @respectthepetty when I saw this and realized they both have a single black line across their chest/shoulder when they say this because it's not true to their heart. On opposite sides because it's for opposite reasons but it's still the same sentiment in the end. Shu might not know he's in love and Asuka might be determined to make himself happy with whatever he as but it's the same result of their heart having a black line breaking it or cutting it off.)

And then it's Asuka outside. Asuka framed between tress and in a closed doorway and always outside, without shelter, without protection, lost and hurt and confused. He is not Shin, to be forward without fear. He is not Minato to truly be willing to push away his wants and dreams for the future that the world expects for him. He is only himself, a young man struggling with loving someone who struggles to express himself and determined to make a relationship work without ever asking for what he needs because he's so sure he's supposed to be happy with what he has, isn't he?

He breaks my heart.