#hair doodads

[eyelydz]

contents

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

[amethyst-crowns]

Fuck it : Stylizes your Munson V2

baby got a blowout with this one

looking cuddly as FUCK

[i-am-totally-not-a-lizard]

Fun part of having long hair and zero motivation to get out of bed for 9 months of the year: hair ties accumulate everywhere. I found 63 from just cleaning the floor of my room 🤠

[pitchou8910]

Sonic sona desk doodle but i get longer hair :3

[derpu-doodles]

SINCE Y'ALL LOVE THE AKECHIS SO MUCH. HAVE A PRINCE CROW

yes this was from yesterday. I must ration the posts because I haven't posted in ages only to suddenly just Keep Posting BWAHAHAHA

dude . , why is he so Drawable™ HE'S JUST SO DRAWABLE. as you can tell I had a lot of fun with this one WIAHDHAHA what with the hair and Shoulder Doodads™ being so flow-y

[matchadobo]

Hot sexy welder here!

Could i get uuuuh headcannons kid or killer with a fem reader trying to woo them with her crafting skills? Like bringing them little handmade trinkets or stabby doodads?

Please and thank you 🙏,

A very down bad welder

KIDD & KILLER; gifts

wc: 1264 warning/s: suggestive in the end but completely sfw! fluff?? steamin?? this is my first time writing for a 2 person x reader kinda thing so forgive me if it sucks </3

"have you seen captain? killer-san too?"

you had gone around the victoria to look for kidd and his vice captain, frantically asking each face you see for the two. even the rookies who were too scared of you and the boys were in daze as you held a crate of overflowing contraptions you made over the week.

"why? gonna court 'em with that?" heat teased with a bastardly smile on his face, reaching over to touch the trinkets in the heavy crate.

it had been a known FACT around the ship that you have a MASSIVE crush on the two of them. though kidd and killer know it too, they never shut your feelings down nor ignore it. it's not the first time you've brought over some trinkets you made.

you pulled them away with a raised brow, "don't touch it! i didn't make 'em for you!" you stuck your tongue out. "and yes, i plan to give it to 'em. got any problem?"

heat surrendered with his hands leveled above his chest. "absolutely not, ma'am." he cleared his throat before finally answering your question. "but i think they're in kidd's workshop, they're planning shit for the next island."

"thanks! now, answering properly isn't so hard, right?!" you nudged him goodbye and strolled to the last room in the hallway.

you knocked a few times, waited for a while before the bickering stopped, and saw these two towering men welcome you. except that kidd has a scowl and killer has his mask on.

kidd placed his human arm at the top part of the door frame (that's how tall he is ☹️) and leaned down at your height. "what's so important, buttercup?" there was a hint of irritation in his tone, but you're used to it. you knew he wasn't annoyed, in fact the shift in his gaze from you to the shit you're carrying proved his curiosity.

killer peeked over kidd's shoulder, giving you a wave to which you smiled back at him since your hands are full.

"i brought gifts!" you beamed, trying to lift the heavy crate you're carrying. killer saw you struggling so he stepped over to carry them for you.

"gifts? last i check christmas was in the 25th, name." killer skimmed through the crate, one hand carrying the bottom of the crate, to which you were absolutely struggling on with two hands, while the other shuffled through the pile of metalworks.

"it doesn't have to be christmas to give gifts, okay? i was just..." you fiddled with your fingers. "working on something for a long time and i wanna give it to you guys."

"you love givin' shit to us that much, yeah?" kidd reached over to ruffle your hair as you looked down to try and hide your blush. "come on now 'ere inside, shortcake. let's see what you got."

as you three get settled inside, the two have began to rummage through the crate of your handiworks. "so, love it, huh?" you broke out, anticipating their reaction.

"you really wanna fill up my shelves with your shit, aye?" kidd lifted a ballerina you made from nuts and screws, it spun with the lever attached on its base when it was pulled by him.

killer played with the cars you made, wheels spinning with oiled up nuts. "don't keep them all to yourself, kidd. i'd want some of the cars too."

you were between them as they examined each trinket you made, you held stuff up for them as you showed how each of them works. they've selected those they want to keep for themselves, praising the way each piece was constructed.

"you really amaze me with these, name." kidd started, taking the miniature globe you fiddled with. "tell me somethin', why do you keep making this for us?"

both of their eyes were fixed on you, earnestly anticipating your answer. your cheeks felt hot and you felt so little under their gaze. as a member of the kidd pirates, you're used to feeling little around towering men in the crew. your crushes are two meters for fuck's sake! but you never felt so overwhelmed by them at this moment.

"don't get us wrong, name. i personally love these!" killer exclaimed, giving you a nudge. "it's just that... you do these things for someone more than once and it starts to mean something else." killer shifted in his feet, the blue in his eyes peeking through the holes of the helmet.

"like what?" you raised a brow. alternating gazes between the two men. "what kind of message does it give?" you crossed your arms, getting closer.

"name," kidd responded, getting one step closer to you. "i know you and how you don't give a fuck about anything else that you don't care about. these consistent things, these gifts and baubles, you take time in them, cooped up in your room. and don't get me started on your lingering gazes, alright? we're not fuckin' blind, sweetheart." he finished with a grin.

"so tell us," killer started, now both of them were too fucking close to you, you can smell their colognes that fucked with your brain too hard. "is this your way of confessing and saying i love you, princess?"

there was silence. and for a moment, you thought the world had stopped spinning. you cleared your throat because it felt like shit got stuck on it. "what if i said yes? what if i said i do love the living shit outta the both of you it drives me fucking insane and the only way i know how to say it is by flooding the both of you with stuff i make when i think about the you two and i can't do anything about it because making these bullshits is the only way i know how to express myself, okay? then what will happen, huh?" you frantically monologued, word-vomiting everything. once you realized what you had done, you felt all the heat in your body rise in your head and you suddenly felt lightheaded.

"i'll tell you what'll happen, i'll pull you close like this." kidd grabbed your wrist as you crashed in his embrace. "have you in my arms. tell you that i feel the exact-fucking-way. and this, is the part where i kiss you." he leaned in close pressing his lips to yours, that's where your heart fucking stopped and your breathing became irregular. his lips tasted like rum and raspberry, the latter taste must be from the lipstick you gifted him back then.

"come on now captain, you're not the only one she confessed to, right?" killer interrupted. "give me a chance to say i love you too."

kidd smiled through the kiss, pulling away. "you okay with being shared?" he joked as you got even redder before he handed you to killer. "make it fast, i might not contain myself and make out with the both of you."

killer first removed his helmet, you've seen him before without it but god was he like a goddamn greek god with those eyes and cheekbones. killer held you by your waist while his other hand was at the back of your head under your hair, "i'm gonna kiss you now, that okay?" he asked, searching for any denial in your eyes but all he saw was utter anticipation and need. you nodded, closing your eyes. his lips tasted like peach and whiskey.

it was sublime. you didn't sleep in your bed that night and let's also say you three did other things than sleep.

hellooooo thank you for introducing yourself 🌷 hope this is okay for you?? i realized why not both?? both is good?? LMAO I LOVE THIS SM THANKS FOR THE REQ 🥰

[whiskey-bumblebee]

when I kissed the teacher 💋

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3338

A/N: fits into the touch tank ‘verse! All characters are consenting adults (and not to spoil it, but Hotch isn’t really a professor so it’s especially okay <3), Smut! Office sex. MDNI 

Also I feel like I didn’t describe the sex position super well, so here’s a visual (link image is N S F W!, it’s drawn so it’s not pure porn but. It’s sexual) 

Divider courtesy of @animatedglittergraphics-n-more​

There’s a rush of excitement in your veins as you smooth your hands over your outfit, walking down the hallway to the onsite lecture theatre at Quantico. Dr. Hotchner is guest lecturing today, and you’ll be damned if he doesn’t notice you.

The bottom hem of your skirt sits well above your knees. You’re wearing your favourite blouse, holding some books in your arms, which are folded across your chest. Your tote holds a handful of pens and a notebook. The lipstick on your lips is your favourite shade. A diamond tennis bracelet adorns one of your wrists. In short, you feel like a million dollars, and you look like a billion.

You can tell that you’re late by the fact that the hallway leading up to the door is completely empty. When you walk in, and take a seat in the back row, your suspicion is confirmed. Professor Hotchner doesn’t look up at you, caught up in the concept he’s explaining. You take a minute to set up your notebook and take the cap off your pen. It’s one of the ones with a feathery doodad on top, and you can’t stifle a smile when you watch it bobbing in the air above the page as you write the date. 

“So, based on those traits, we were able to determine that the unknown subject was disorganized, driven by passion, and prone to making mistakes. Each of those assumptions was correct, but which aspect of the wider profile was an error? Someone who isn’t familiar with the case, please.”

A tall young adult with blonde hair raised his hand, and Professor Hotchner called on him.

“The assumption that they must have been part of a wider criminal network?” He offered.

“Yes,” Professor Hotchner replied. “Can you tell me why that was a significant error we made?”

“Well, there wasn’t much evidence for that part of the profile, aside from the fact that there were a lot of crime scenes for a single individual.”

“And what is the lesson there? Someone else, please.”

Someone you couldn’t quite make out in the front row raised their hand, and the professor nodded in their direction.

“Don’t assume the worst?”

“Well,” Hotchner paused. “Sometimes it’s helpful to assume the worst, because it forces you to confront a minimal loss scenario, rather than a completely effective solution. Has anyone ever heard the expression ‘when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras’?”

There was some scattered nodding throughout the room.

“Right. So in the field, statistics matter. For instance, the vast majority of arsonists are young males. Knowing that information can help you narrow down the suspect pool quickly, which is key when response time is important.”

He clicked over to the next slide, and you grimaced, seeing the gutted remains of what had once been a lecture hall. 

“However,” Professor Hotchner said, taking a dramatic pause as the students considered the image. “It’s important that you don’t make a habit of ruling out zebras, because every now and again, you’ll see an unsub who doesn’t fit the stereotypical profile for their crime, method, location...”

Something pink caught his eye, and he glanced up at the back row, where he saw you, dutifully taking notes with a completely ridiculous pen. You looked up when you realized that the room had fallen silent, making eye contact with him. You gave him a dreamy wave, resting your chin on your hand. 

He looked away quickly. “As I was saying...”

The rest of the lecture continued fairly successfully. At one point, the professor was stumped by a question from a student, who had asked how a profiler was supposed to know the difference between a horse and a zebra when the hoofbeats are all you have to go on. He’d paced the room for a minute or so, considering his response.

“I would say that it takes practice. The main takeaway is that you shouldn’t jump straight to zebra, but you shouldn’t rule it out either, until you have a strong reason to do so.” He looked at the student who’d asked the question, a small smile causing his lips to turn upward. “But I wouldn’t know. I’m not a biologist.”

Scattered laughter broke out in the auditorium, and he pulled back the sleeve of his suit jacket to check the time. 

“Alright, I’m sure you all have places to be, but if there’s one piece of advice I would give you all, it’s that there are no perfect answers, which, honestly, makes lecturing on this topic a little difficult. You’ll make mistakes, no profile is ever flawless. But, most of all, remember that the profile doesn’t need to be perfect to work. A lot of the time, research, police work, autopsies, all come together, and it’s the details from those, combined with the profile, that enables us to limit harm.”

He cleared his throat and glanced up at you again, pressing his lips together tightly before looking somewhere else in the room.

“Thank you everybody, have a good weekend. I have a few minutes for questions-”

The end of his sentence was overtaken by the sound of students chatting, packing their bags, and clearing the aisles. You stayed put, watching a line form between his lectern and up the stairs, almost stretching to the back of the lecture hall.

You sighed lightly, waiting for the line to abate before you joined it. The other students were lucky that the professor was being so generous with his time. It had been half an hour, and the last three students were still waiting patiently for their turns. Most of the interactions had just been handshakes, futile attempts at networking. Even with the best intentions, he’d never remember their names, and besides, it would be unprofessional to give any of them a leg up. The BAU was a selective group, and for good reason. Very few of the students who had an interest in profiling would actually be good candidates for the unit.

At long last, the professor was finishing up with the last student. You made eye contact with Hotchner, shooting him a small smile before pushing the tip of your pointer finger between your lips, under the guise of soothing a papercut. You made sure to drag your finger out of your mouth torturously slowly, emphasizing the way your lips parted. He’d know exactly what you were getting at.

He cleared his throat and tore his eyes from yours. “I’m very sorry Patrick, but I really need to get back to work. Besides, I think you’ll be able to find most of the answers on the FBI website, if the hostage negotiation stream is something you’re interested in.”

Patrick stuttered, nodding and quickly leaving the room. Professor Hotchner had perhaps been a little curt, but you could tell he was tiring of the schmoozing from the look he shot you, eyebrows raised. 

He said your last name affectionately. “Would you mind if we take this to my office? I think another class is scheduled in this room in a few minutes.”

“Of course,” You said, gesturing for him to go up the stairs before you.

“No, after you,” He insisted. You crossed your arms.

“I’m sorry, Professor, but I have a rule not to let men walk behind me.”

Your comment clearly flustered him, and he cleared his throat, a blush coming over his cheeks. He confined his eyeline tightly to the ground.

A few minutes later, you were seated in his office, the professor in his leather armchair and you sitting on the edge of the desk. 

“Sorry there are no other seats,” He apologized, still struggling to make eye contact with you.

“It’s no problem,” You said sweetly, letting your legs swing. 

“What did you want to talk about?” He finally looked up at you, his eyelashes framing his dark eyes beautifully. 

“I was wondering if you could help me revise the notes from today? I missed the first few minutes and I hate leaving them incomplete,” You explained sheepishly.

You leaned all the way back on his desk, letting your back rest flat against it as you reached to the floor for your notebook. You heard him take a sharp exhale at the way he was suddenly in the right place to look directly up your skirt. He pressed his lips together tightly, looking away as you popped back up, spine upright again.

Opening the book to today’s page, you held the book open with one hand, propping it up on your lap, pointing to the notes you’d made. Sure enough, he walked you through each of the notes you’d taken, telling you where you’d missed a key point. As you did so, he pulled his chair in closer to the desk, one of his hands coming to your thigh, where he rested it casually. If you put the book down, he would have been face to face with your barely-covered pelvis, given how much your skirt was riding up.

You played with your hair for a moment, nodding as he explained the principle of minimal loss. In a breathy voice, you asked, “And that’s where the trickle, flow, gush strategy comes into play?”

He noticed your emphasis on those three words, and swallowed. “Well, yes. Sometimes the minimal loss principle is used outside of hostage situations, but trickle, flow, gush is only ever used in hostage scenarios.”

Undoing the top few buttons on your blouse, you leaned forward, emphasizing your breasts. “That’s so... interesting.”

His hand, the one on your thigh, started to move incrementally towards your hip, taking the skirt with it as he went. You set the notebook aside, finally, and waited for his reaction. 

“Professor?”

“Yes?”

“Would you care for a practical experiment in profiling?”

He sighed and leaned back in his armchair, drinking in the sight of you on his desk, skirt bunched up around your hips, blouse no longer modestly buttoned.

“We tend to make a rule of not profiling profilers,” He explained, but in all honesty, you were watching his hands slip from the arms of the chair to his lap, where he folded them over his crotch.

“One sentence, just tell me if I’m telling the truth,” You begged, spreading your legs slightly. He couldn’t help the way his jaw slackened as he realized what you were revealing. This whole time, his whole lecture... you had nothing underneath that tiny, tiny skirt.

Suddenly, he was standing over you, disrupting the height difference that had left you, for once, looking down at him. He placed the tip of his index finger on the beginning of the inside of your thigh, just by your knee. 

“Go ahead,” He breathed, close enough that you could feel it on your neck. He pressed a soft, chaste kiss there, trailing down your neck at an excruciating pace. Once you were moaning softly, he started tracing his finger up the inside of your thigh. You had the distinct feeling that once his finger and mouth crossed paths, you might burst into flames. Such light, delicate touches that they were almost ticklish.

You grabbed his tie tightly in your fist, pulling it so he had no choice but to face you.

“I want you to fuck me, more than I want anything else in the world.”

From the immediate reddening of his face, you could tell he knew you meant every letter of what you’d said. It must have been almost intimidating to know that you were being completely earnest, almost frightening to be wanted so badly.

“So, Professor...” You sighed, before pulling him in by the tie and licking a stripe up his stubbled cheek, “True or false?“

“True,” He said, his baritone cutting right through you. It was his straightforward, factual tone. There was no room for argument or misinterpretation.

You let go of his tie and laid back on the desk, leaving your legs dangling over the edge, your hips at the perfect height, resting securely on the desk. 

You heard the sound of a zipper being undone, and looked up to see him draping his blazer over the back of his chair. He was standing between your legs, taking you in like a painting at a gallery, cocking his head from side to side.

“You’re ethereal,” He said plainly. 

“Fuck me then,” You replied.

It was bold, but you knew that after the lecture, and the way you’d been teasing each other in the office, you’d be able to take him. You were soaked, leaving your core dripping, feeling hypersensitive to the slight coldness of the room. 

He pumped his hand up and down his cock, and on any other day, you’d be happy to watch him pleasuring himself: the pure masculinity of his huge hands fisting his length... But today, you needed it.

“Please,” You whimpered. 

“Just putting on a condom,” He murmured quietly. In the hush that came over the room as you admired each other, you heard the wrapper landing in the plastic-lined bin under his desk. 

He gave your hip a squeeze, and you nodded. He nodded back, and nudged your legs wider apart. There was already a delicious stretch in your inner thighs from how you had to open your hips to create space for his strong frame. Once he was satisfied with your position, he started to ease into you, guided with one of his hands.

Your breathing immediately became shallower, and you felt yourself clench tightly around the very very tip of him. He moved his hand away and guided your legs into the air, letting your ankles rest against the front of his shoulders. He gripped your thighs for leverage.

He pushed in further, and you moaned loudly. You both knew the office floor would be empty, so neither of you made any attempts to stay quiet. 

“You’re so big,” You said, grinding your hips towards his and whining softly at how it pushed his length even further into you. He gave a short thrust, and it knocked the wind out of you. 

He moaned your name softly and whispered, “I don’t think I can keep up the act. What do you need, baby?”

“Please just fuck me, don’t worry about taking it slow,” You breathed. “Please, just give it to me hard.”

He huffed a short laugh, breaking character temporarily to cup your cheek affectionately. 

“I love you,” He said tenderly, his mouth setting into a firm line as he leaned into the second part of his sentence, “But I’m going to fuck you like I want to break you.”

 And with that, he pressed the rest of the way inside, his mouth dropping into an ‘O’. His sigh was almost pornographic, and he looked up at the ceiling. You weren’t sure if he was praying or just trying to become accustomed to the feeling.

“You’re so tight,” He hissed. “Gonna fuck you open.”

True to his word, he set a brutal pace; slow but deep, slamming his hips into yours, pulling out halfway, slamming in again. It left your brain in a tailspin, with stars behind your eyes. He’d switch it up by pulling almost all the way out, leaving you begging and writhing, grinding your hips towards his, and then he’d push back in slowly, watching your reaction to every inch, your brows pinched, eyes screwing shut.

“Touch your breasts,” He said. “Wish I could, but I’m a little,” He breathed, fucking into you hard. “Preoccupied.”

With each thrust, shit was tumbling from the desk. You couldn’t bring yourself to care, the crashes to the floor only a small part of the soundtrack of his thrusts and your shared sounds. When his groans gave way to something more akin to whines, you knew he was getting close. The desk was scooting across the floor with the force of it all. 

“Can you finish like this?”

You knew it was a question without judgement, so you weren’t ashamed to shake your head. 

He stroked one of your legs affectionately. “I’m going to drop this one so I have some room to work,” He said under his breath. 

You nodded, and he gently eased your leg down, making sure it was slow enough that you wouldn’t cramp or stretch too far in this strange position. With one of your legs in the air, and the other wrapped around his hip, he lowered his free hand to your labia. He pressed his cock almost all of the way into you, and traced his thumb around your stretched opening, making you aware of how much of him you were taking.

“So deep,” He groaned softly. “Feel how well you take me?”

He brought his thumb around to the top of your slit, tracing it in wide circles, gathering some of your wetness and using it to lubricate your clit as he made his circles narrower and faster.

“Like that?” He breathed.

“Up and down,” You whined breathily. “I’m so close, Aaron.”

He moved his thumb up and down, flicking your clit under his thumb. Your reaction was immediate, your legs shaking around him, held in place by his steadying hand on your upright leg.

“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron,” You chanted, eyes rolling back. 

He moaned, the ragged sound getting caught in his throat. You heard your name echoed back to you in his deep baritone, and the sound, and his continued attention to your clit, sent you deeper into your orgasm. Whether this was still the first, or the second, you were unsure. Your legs shook against him, and he pressed kisses to your calf as he spilled himself into the condom, muffling the sound into your skin. You were starting to come down just as he came, so you watched as his face crumpled, almost as if he was about to cry. He panted heavily and opened his eyes, looking directly at you.

It was cliche, but you really felt that he was staring straight into your soul. His face broke out into a wide grin, and he eased out of you quickly, before you became too sensitive. With the utmost care, he helped you bring your other leg back down, rubbing your thigh gently to discourage any aches from setting in. His warm hands felt wonderful on your skin, and you moaned softly. Once your body felt like it was back on the right planet again, you grinned and he smiled right back at you, leaning down to press kisses all over your face. 

“I love you,” He murmured. 

You hummed affirmatively, running your hands over his back, still clothed in his button up and tie. “I love you too.”

He disappeared from your eyeline for a second, and when he helped you to your feet, you saw that he had laid out his suit jacket and pants on the floor of the office. 

“It’s not a bed, but...” He blushed slightly, hand coming to the back of his neck. You kissed his cheek and lay down as he took off the condom and pulled on his briefs. He loosened his tie and lay down beside you. The ground was undeniably hard, but for now, the warmth of his clothing beneath you was enough. He pulled you into his arms, wrapping them around you so you were snug against his chest. Happy, you nuzzled into him, feeling his comforting natural scent fill your nose. 

“If I doze off, you have to wake me up,” You craned your neck so you could look at his face. He gave you an affectionate squeeze, but he was already almost lost to the sandman. He hummed softly, his breath evening out. 

You snuggled into him. You’d both wake up soon enough, since he was right, this wasn’t much of a bed, but for now, you couldn’t imagine doing anything other than resting your head back down on his chest and letting yourself be held, but more importantly than that, completely and utterly loved. 

[stealingyourspins]

shrimp Kai next to Nya, 0-0

(chipmunk voice) this is so unfair!

proceeds to ride around on others to go anywhere, hair being the easiest place to not get knocked off, he can tie himself down with a few strands

SEE YOU GET ME! Here are some of my notes on how Kai and Cole travel :)

small and isn’t nearly as fast as her or the rest of their friends. Kai found Nya as a lone Orca mer baby and did his best to care for her even as he too was a young kid. He successfully managed to keep her alive and gained her trust and bonded with her as an older brother figure (although he nearly ran himself to the brink of death from exhaustion doing his best to gather the enormous quantity of food she needed to survive before she could safety hunt on her own)

- Kai, is an absolutely tiny guy in comparison to Lloyd and likes to hide in the folds, pockets, and hoods of Lloyd’s sweatshirts as a crustacean who enjoys small crevices and nooks to hide in. Lloyd is delighted by this, both very happy when Kai started to trust him enough to travel with him instead of Nya, but also to be delighted by the small shells, trinkets, and doodads that Kai leaves in his pockets as a thank you for their travels and as a way to show his affection towards the half mer.

- Cole, a rockfish, also enjoys hiding in Lloyd’s hoodie pockets as he’s a fairly small mer and it’s dangerous for him to be out in the open ocean without any cover. Cole is big enough that he doesn’t fully fit inside his hoodie pockets but he can fit most of his tail and lower torso inside. He holds onto the edges of the pockets fabric and will talk to Lloyd or look around while taking cover. He later requests that Lloyd wears articles of clothing with big stomach area pockets whenever he visits and Lloyd happily complies, seeing how much happier and calmer Cole is when he’s able to have an easier form of cover while hanging out with his friends.

[skyliv]

@h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt hi! hello

this is a finished drabble i tried to do like. two weeks ago, but tumblr crashed and wiped all of it so unfortunately i hadn’t been motivated till now! but! i hope this can lighten your day even the slightest bit

“Oy! Kat!” Hobie’s voice sang from further down on the beach. He rose from a crouch in the sand with something in his hand, a few of his wicks blowing over his shoulders. Even with the distance, his smile was clear as the water.

Kath was a few yards away, sat on a salmon pink towel under an umbrella. They didn’t even have to steal that one! This universe’s beach was stunning, pearlescent specks of sand between soft golds and creams, the water’s blue nearly blended with the sky as gentle waves lapped around Hobie’s feet. Kath sat up some, lifting her bedazzled sunglasses and adjusting her arm on her tote bag.

She pulls her belongings back under the shade when her boyfriend returns, and sits up with her hair slightly pressed to one side. A smile spreads across her lips when Hobie approaches, his fist clenched around something odd. Although, he doesn’t speak right away, raising a brow waiting for her to request it. He liked the moment of silence, even if the sand was hot when it got into his sandals, or if the sea’s salt got into his eyes from the breeze. It was like a quick moment in heaven, getting to see his favorite girl with so little worries.

Then, she snickers, “Well? What’cha got?” Which snaps him out of his own head.

“Oh, nothin’, just a little doodad that reminds me of my Kat,” He kneels on the towel, sitting on his calves and leaning on one hand on the ground. This prompts Kath to sit up more, a few ruffles on her bright swimsuit fluttering in the wind. Her eyes narrow, her pupils do too, and she leans forward over his hand. One of her own goes to cup it, nails brushing over his skin.

Just like him, she couldn’t be happier. Grains of sand were stuck in her hair, and there was a faint sheen of the sunscreen on both of their bodies. Hobie’s smile grows and he opens his hand.

It’s a small, single seashell. It’s been eroded down by time, of course, and is a small smooth triangle. One side is textured and mainly white, but the other is a soft pink that grows more intense at the edges.

“Y’Think I can use this as a pick?”

Kath blinked a few times, slightly surprised at how he could find something like that, before bursting out into laughter at his comment. “You’re joking, right?!”

“‘Course not!” Hobie exclaimed, his head just over hers as he begins to laugh as well. He shifts his hand around it, holding it between his thumb and index fingers like a proper pick, before strumming in the air a few times. “I’d say it’s pretty good.”

Kath playfully pushes her palm against his shoulder, causing him to laugh just a touch more.

“Then you’ll have to show me later,” She teased, before she held out a hand to take the shell.

“I’d love to,” And Hobie drops it in her palm.

[archetypal-archivist]

A Kinder World AU- Part 11

Mike and Pac’s House

masterlist

Pac and Mike are a pair of young adults with a love for chaos, a deeper fondness for each other, and an utter distaste for anything resembling the stuffy atmosphere of university. As such, they've moved to Quesadilla island to work as fishermen alongside their longtime friend Felps while they try to figure out what they want to do with their lives. However, the introduction of Forever, Cellbit, and Forever's son Richarlyson have thrown a wrench into their plans and now they now find themselves titled not only as fishermen but as parents, alongside their more normal role of “horrible pranksters from the pits of hell, oh god why did you bring them with you Felps.”

1) Pac and Mike have been friends for years, having grown up and into each other such that they can't conceive of life without having both of them in it together. As such, their houses are really two smaller ones shoved together, an extra difficulty for Fit during the initial design process of building their home, but a necessary change all the same. The larger building their home is part of is known as the Favela, nicknamed by Forever upon seeing the monstrosity of stacked houses and rickety ladders that Felps had asked Fit to build for them when they all first moved there. It's a name that fits the structure well, not least because it's had problems weathering storms in the past much like the one that wrecked huge parts of it and left the Favela five homeless and couch surfing for a time. Fit blames Pac, Mike and the rest for skimping on paying for good materials, Felps and company blame him for not building it more structurally sound, but all can agree that the redesign after the worst of the storm had past looks much better than the initial draft.

2) Given their need to repay Fit for the property, Pac and Mike work long hours to earn enough to keep on top of the fees, with Pac leaving in the early mornings to fish out on the open water and coming back to trade the boat off to Mike, who takes the night shift and fishes by the light of the moon. On most days however, they’ll stay up a few hours at dawn and dusk to hang out with each other and the other Favela members. Both men are chronically sleep deprived and thus prone to the sillies, but it’s a welcome trade as they enjoy each other’s company too much to only see each other on weekends. Due to their nocturnal vs diurnal sleep schedules, Richarlyson thought for a long time that they were one person who could shapeshift or perhaps split into two beings like a cell committing mitosis. His curiosity prompted his dad Forever to stalk their front door with a camera to try and photograph the transition. Mike thought this was hilarious and convinced Pac to go along with the bit for a week before they showed up to  game night as two people instead of only sending Mike to play.

3) Pac and Mike are a pair of frighteningly intelligent people with horrible sleep schedules and a chronic prankster streak. As such, their rooftop is home to not only the local seagulls but also a wide variety of doodads, gizmos, and whatsits the likes of which the world has never seen and never really wanted to in the first place. Their inventions range from the useful, like “sonic flash bangs” and “turbo trawlers” to help with fishing, to the utterly nonsensical like Mike's hair-cutting bot that they made when Philza began complaining about his hair getting too long. It's not exactly safe to be up on the roof all the time, but Pac installed a harness and belay system that keeps the worst of the falls to something manageable. Pac and Mike also work on prank ideas too, and they are the instigators of Quesadilla's worst prank war to date, although they didn't end up the victors in the end- that honor goes to Richarlyson and his crack team of Luzu, Dapper, and Philza. The stories told about the final prank that ended it all are truly epic.

4) Since their houses were originally two that have since been squished together, the layout is more than a little atypical. The green portion of the house is an exact mirror of the blue portion, but flipped 90 degrees, and many of the rooms that are duplicates of intention and purpose keep much of their structure, even if the furniture has completely changed. For example, the green portion has what was clearly a bathroom at one point, tile floor included, but its current function is of a walk-in closet. The blue portion has a bathroom but no central living space, the room taken up by a miniature machinest's shop full of scrapped projects- the ragged sofas and half-deconstructed TV relegated to the green portion of the building. The only thing the house actually has two of is bedrooms but even that hasn't fully escaped. Given how often Mike and Pac stay up “late” talking and laughing together, it's not uncommon for the duo to end up passing out in the same bed unintentionally. This earns them some teasing from the rest of the Favela five but they laugh along with the rest of the crew- you can only wake up so many times with your best friend's feet in your face and your hand over their mouth to smother their snores before you find it funny too.

5) The second floor of their house is dedicated to their kitchen, which receives plenty of use, if not always by the duo themselves. After Cellbit’s injury that left  him unable to commit to his usual work, Felps moved them both to Quesadilla, picking up Pac and Mike to come along like two stray cats. Initially it was just to help their friend Cellbit move in, but upon seeing the community, Pac and Mike decided to stay and live with their friends. The quartet were incredibly close and when Forever suddenly arrived with his beleaguered son Richarlyson, they took pity on the kid and invited him and his dad to build a house alongside their own. Thus, the quartet became a quintet and Forever’s incredible love for good food led to the formation of daily meals together. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner, one meal a day is always held as a collective in someone’s kitchen and who’s turn it is to cook is a topic of hot debate. Pac and Mike’s kitchen is fairly standard, albeit with a few rube goldberg machines to do things like make toast, so they often will hold dinner for everyone, serving up oddly tasty pizza with even odder toppings. Sometimes they’ll even invite other members of the community to dine with them, although the faces they make when it’s Mike’s turn to cook are often a little funny. (Who thought it was a good idea to put canned corn on pizza?)

6) Because of the layered nature of the Favela houses, there isn’t much parking for everyone’s boats. As such, it’s a race every morning and evening to see who gets to park at the docks and who has to park elsewhere for the night. Given their sketchy schedules, Pac and Mike often get the short end of the stick and thus have taken to leaving their boat- a beautiful green and light blue vessel with a vicious motor and plenty of room for nets- in other people’s “front lawns” so to speak. They find it hilarious whenever someone stumbles out of their house, half asleep, and tries to drive off to go fish only for their key to not fit the keyhole as it’s not their boat. The only ones exempt from this practice are Rubius, Luzu, and Quackity as all of them will either prank the boat (the former 2) or hotwire it and drive off with it anyway (the latter).

[thealmightyemprex]

Reading Ted Newsome and John Brancato's Spiderman script

1.So we start with an artsy shot of a spider web before showing our antagonist Doc Ock working on the Cyclotron (Im assuming this is the The Mcguffin ).I like the intro to Ock,working with a tenticaled doodad,while taking a drag of a cigarette and eating a chili dog.I also like the depiction of him as a brooding broadly built guy with long hair ,a bit unkempt with stains on his shirt due to being focused on his work

2.So we are introduced to Ocks colleagues,and OC's for the film Thorkle (Tall thin guy wearing glasses in his 40's) and Rossomoff (Who despite being 75 is very spry).The writers were Hammer fans so wrote these roles with Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee respectfully in mind ....Which I see it ,but Lee was younger then Cushing but whatever,maybe makeup

3.So Bob Hoskins was the main choice for Doc Ock .....And I kind of love the idea of this super genius having Hoskins signature Cockney accent

4.Also Rossomoff admits he doesnt like Thorkle to Ock,RIGHT IN FRONT OF THORKLE .DAaaaaaaaaaaamn what did Thorkle do to get disdain from both Ock and Rossomoff ???

5.Huh Peter is a collage student here instead of Highschool.Neat

6."Curtis Connors Science center " Cute

7.So Harry Osborne here is an awkward weird friend in a heavy metal T Shirt......So he is basically Evil Ed from Fright Night

8.Liz Allen is reading Jane Austin ....Dont know what else to say but she is

9.Also so Liz Allen is the romantic interest instead of Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane Watson....Interesting

10.Liz and Peter flirt by saying how much they dont like eachother.....Kay

11."Doc Ock has a cigarette dangling out of his mouth as there is a no smoking sign behind him"....OK that made me laugh

12,Otto is so dead inside,I love it

13.Harry stole a rabbit from a science lab and releases it and a dozen Basset hounds into a library .....What an elaborate prank

14.Huh Jameson is introduced BEFORE Petey became Spider-Man

15.Also should point out Stan Lee wanted to play JAmeson

16.So Aunt May here is a woman in her 50's,very stylish and full of life......So the opposite of comic Aunt May ,and thank the Lord for that .Honestly this feels more like modern takes on Aunt May

17.Uncle Ben seems nice ,not the brightest guy but clearly cares for Peter but isnt sure how fatherly to be

18.So Doc Ock is forced to quit an experiment but does it secretly anyway causing an explosion....huh....Why do I feel Spider-Man 2002,Spider-Man 2 and Into the Spiderverse took elements from this movie

19.I like that the accident that makes Otto Doctor Octopus also mutates the Spider that bites Peter

20.Love the pure joy Peter has at finding his powers

To be continued

@ariel-seagull-wings @piterelizabethdevries @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @filmcityworld1 @princesssarisa @countesspetofi

[goodboylupin]

So happy to finally share my fill for the Challenges & Chill: Chills and Thrills prompt, Old Doll. You may have caught this fic when it was first published on AO3 a couple weeks ago, but now I get to claim it, to crosspost it, to have it attached to my name 🙌🏽 Have some funny, family fluff that's sweet as birthday cake.

1.5k | Rated G | Humour | Sirius Black/Remus Lupin; Regulus Black | Fluff, Canon Divergent AU, No Voldemort AU, Reconciliation, Babies, Married Wolfstar, Uncle Regulus, Regulus Lives, Dads Wolfstar

Summary: Regulus always gave the best gifts to his niece. Sure they were too expensive and arrived far too frequently, but he certainly never failed to impress! Until…

Blacks showed their affection by buying things for the people they loved.

Remus knew this. Remus befriended a Black at eleven, then married said Black at twenty-two.

Remus thought he knew this. But see, Sirius Black had always been the black sheep of his family — a trauma that was the source of many puns — and been all but adopted by the Potters when he was still quite young. Sirius had picked up other ways of expressing love from living with the most tactile family of all time. Sirius, while he did like purchasing trinkets and doodads, still preferred the more immediate of an arm around a shoulder or a hand ruffling hair (or in Remus’s case, kissing his boyfriend/fiancé/husband silly).

Then there was Regulus.

Regulus, to fill the gap Sirius left behind when he walked out of Grimmauld Place, had become the perfect Black, even more than he already had been. He always kept the stiffest of upper lips, the evilest of smirks, the shiniest of hair, the bespoke-est of robes, and a general air of superiority and indifference. A perfect Black, surrounded by perfect Selwyns and Rosiers and Crouches in Slytherin House, who spoke only in Received Pronunciation and Galleons.

For all that Sirius was reticent to discuss his home life, and especially the happy aspects of it, for all that Sirius spoke of Regulus as a hapless fool doomed to darkness like all the children who put blood supremacists on a pedestal, it was clear to anyone who really knew how to listen to Sirius that his baby brother had once been an incredibly sweet and loving little boy. Regulus had once adored his big brother, clinging to his hand like a limpet every hour of the day.

When Orion and Walburga Black had finally croaked, Regulus, as the patriarch of the oldest and richest family in wizarding Britain, was free to contact his estranged and disowned brother once more without fear of retribution. It soon became apparent that he still adored his big brother, but the little boy who could hold a hand or say a mispronounced I love you was gone.

So Regulus liked to buy Sirius a lot of stuff.

And then Sirius and Remus became parents to a baby girl. And if Regulus adored his brother, he absolutely doted on his niece, in the only way he knew how.

There was a frankly obscene amount of stuff an unimaginably wealthy man could — and did — buy his beloved niece.

(Remus had joked once that they were running out of space in their house, a bit of a gentle hint that Regulus ought to ease back on the gift-giving. To which Regulus offered to move them into one of the larger Black family properties.)

So on the day of Mimosa’s first birthday party, Remus did wonder what Regulus would get the toddler who had everything, because Regulus had bought said toddler everything.

(That wasn’t fair, Remus chastised himself. James also spoiled the baby rotten, asserting it was his right as godfather and that Sirius had been even worse with Harry. But Remus felt no compunctions rebuking James for it, so…)

Regulus arrived exactly 20 minutes after the start time on the invitations, fashionably late as was his wont. He greeted Remus with a firm handshake, then held out two fingers for Mimosa to do the same.

Mimosa instead stuck her uncle’s fingers in her mouth to start chewing.

“That’s not very polite, Mimsy,” Regulus said with a furrowed brow, though he made no move to pull his hand away.

Remus instead shifted her weight over so Regulus had no choice but to cradle her in his arms. “Her molars are starting to come in, I’m afraid. She’s been trying to chew on her tiara all day.”

“Well, don’t do that,” he told the baby very seriously. “Those are real diamonds, you know.”

“She knows,” Remus agreed. “It’s all right, she prefers the fingers of the people she most loves anyway.”

For a moment, just one shining fraction of a second, Regulus grinned wide and beaming, before he schooled his expression back to pleasant neutrality. 

Remus withheld a sigh. Would it really be so terrible for him to show his emotions to a baby?

He glanced around to see what Regulus brought for a birthday present, fully expecting another miniature flying car, or perhaps a unicorn.

Regulus popped his fingers out just long enough to hand Remus a gift bag that had been hanging in the crook of his elbow, the gesture somehow imperious despite the baby slobber.

“Ah, thank you, Regulus, I’ll put it on the gift table. Sirius is in the bouncy castle outside if you’d like to go over to say hello.”

“What in Merlin’s name is a bouncy castle?”

“Guess you’ll find out!” Remus tipped his head at the patio doors with a smile.

Curiosity catching the better of him, Remus checked to make sure nobody caught him peeking before carefully parting the crinkly, sparkly layers of tissue and seeing what hid beneath.

Remus yelped and dropped the bag.

Steeling himself, he picked the bag back up and took another look inside.

Yep, still the ugliest doll in the world nestled inside.

It was truly hideous: one single, beady void of a solid black eye; dingy, greyish strings of what may have once been blond hair; a stained, frayed dress that looked like it had been clawed by an animal; and most unnerving of all was the painted-on smile.

Remus placed the bag gingerly on the table, in case the demon doll was cursed. (He wasn’t being dramatic. Sirius told him half the items in his childhood home were at least lightly cursed, so the children could build natural immunity and caution. Clearly the caution-building was not successful for Sirius. For most Blacks, it allegedly developed into full-blown paranoia.) He backed away slowly, then turned and speed-walked away. 

That thing wasn’t his problem until present time.

—

“Present time!” Lily called out, lilting and melodic.

Remus huffed a sigh as all the children were corralled to sit in the living room. He took a seat beside Sirius, hoping he could very subtly hide himself behind his husband’s larger frame when the time came to present that wretched little thing in the gleaming silver bag.

It just didn’t make sense, he thought as he smiled and clapped while Sirius helped their baby girl absolutely destroy sparkly wrapping paper, oohing and aahing and keeping track in his notebook for thank you cards. Regulus had impeccable taste. Mimsy’s playroom was appointed with all manner of beautiful, elegant, usually age-appropriate and sturdy toys and figurines. Had he hit his head while shopping and turned into Knockturn Alley? Had he been attacked by a pack of feral Kneazles that chewed up the contents of his gift bag while leaving him unscathed, then been too embarrassed to tell anyone of his harrowing journey? Had the Black family abruptly fallen into bankruptcy from buying one baby frock too many, and Regulus, penniless and proud, taken a job as a fishmonger in secret, then pulled the bedraggled doll from the mouth of a sturgeon?

No, Remus shook his head. That was ridiculous. Regulus would land a job at a snooty Muggle fashion boutique before he went for something as smelly as fish mongering. Or he’d become a kept man.

“And finally!” Sirius boomed. “Last but certainly not least, from my dearest little brother and Mimsy’s favourite uncle, Regulus!”

“Her only uncle,” Regulus drawled.

“And all the more loved for it,” Sirius quipped back, then kissed the top of Mimosa’s head and refocused his attention. She pulled the tissue paper out herself and took great delight in flinging it at the ground, then let out a happy string of babbles as she pulled out the doll.

Sirius let out a little gasp, but to Remus’s shock, it wasn’t a gasp of horror or disgust or fear. No, he knew his husband, that was a gasp of great sentiment and good feeing.

“Reggie,” Sirius murmured, glassy eyed and lips quivering. “Is this Lady Friendly?”

“It is,” Regulus answered. “I found her hidden away in the attic. Cleaned her up as much as any charm could.”

“She was my absolute favourite doll,” Sirius explained, leaning his shoulder against Remus’s. “I brought her everywhere. My mother hated her because… I don’t even remember why. The day she lost her eye, mother told me she would have her sent away for repairs. I never saw her again.”

“Until today,” Remus said.

“Until today,” Sirius echoed. “And now it’s yours, Mim. Do you like it?”

Mimosa stuck the arm of the doll in her mouth.

A collective aww sounded through the room.

“Thank you so much, Regulus,” Sirius said, staring at his brother solemnly. “We love it.”

Remus agreed, even if Lady Friendly followed him with a dead-eyed gaze. He could just hide it in the cupboard when Mimosa wasn’t playing with it.

“I’m glad,” Regulus replied. He gulped hard, Adam’s apple bobbing. “I love you.”

Sirius, baby still in hand, leapt over the arm of the couch to envelop Regulus in a hug.

Remus smiled and turned the doll to face the couch.

A little commentary I wanted to share about Sirius and Remus's name choice: Mimosa is both a large genus of flower (a nod to Lupin being a genus of flower) and a star in the Crux constellation (keeping with the Black family theme naming). The wizarding world doesn't really seem to favour cocktails, so they don't find out about the drink until she's like seven.

Many thanks to my beta and to you, dear reader, for giving my fic a go! Likes but especially reblog are always appreciated 💞

[xxlittle0birdxx]

Okay, so bear with me…

AU Mandalorian Obi-wan goes to Naboo with Qui-gon to break the Trade Federation blockade, wearing full Mando armor, carrying the Darksaber. Besides, Sith Lords have nothing on cranky toddlers who missed their nap.

Bo-Katan tags along, because why the hell not? And Padmé and the Handmaidens have earned her respect, simply by being armed to the teeth, but all their weaponry is cleverly hidden in the wigs and formal attire. Those fancy hair doodads are really vibroblades. They all have blasters in thigh or ankle holsters.

Anakin was supposed to stay behind on Mandalore, because a battle is no place for a child. Artoo sneaks him onboard the ship to Naboo.

[adalwolfgang]

Die Society

Chapter 1 : Ricardo Zizi

Warning: Smoking, Curse words, Ricardo being Ricardo

It's been a whole month since you've made your move to Los Angeles, California. Moving has allowed you to be introduced to incredible opportunities regarding your lifestyle and career. After finishing college, you decided it would be best to travel. Decide what you want to do with your life.

So far, no luck has come with getting a stable career, but you were able to find a fitting lifestyle and routine.

The apartment you had rented out was rather nice. One master bedroom, a single guest bedroom, a kitchen, and a decent size bathroom.

Some neighbors from your apartment complex recommended going downtown where most business's looked for help.

A neighbor down the call of the apartment building recommended trying out at a gym that wasn't far down the road. You took your time, strolling down the street and taking in the new sights. After asking around, a group of locals told you where the studio was. Upon arriving to the front of the building, nothing seemed to stand out, apart from the large sign saying, "Zizi's Spin Class". When walking in, a strong smell wafted through your nose. Burned Tobacco. The bell chimed notifying the receptionist. She glanced up at you for a second before speaking.

"If you're a member, you're late for the spin class and if you're new. You're still late for the spin class.”

Before you could respond a man walked around a wall connecting to what could only be the workout studio. The man was tall with long dark hair, round glasses, and a Versace outfit.

"Hello, welcome to my private spin class. My name is Ricardo and I'll be your instructor this evening." The man said before grabbing your hand and giving it a quick kiss. 'Awkward' was all you could think of as he led you to a group of people sitting on spin bikes while explaining that you can participate in the class and get a membership afterwards, if you want too of course.

He sets you in the front row, claiming it was the only one left. Once he got on his bike, he informed everyone to warm up first, then the class would start.

Time Skip...

Ricardo started to clap randomly, making peoples little side convo's quiet down. Once the claps got softer, his eyes glancing in your direction, he leaned forward and began talking.

"All right...Is this working?" he said as he tapped a microphone attached to the front of his bike. "Hey everyone, how are you doing? Welcome to another silent spin class with me, Ricardo Zizi. Now, I see a lot of new faces here which is great. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for coming along for a new type of spin experience and to explain a little bit more about what we do in these sessions. So, if you look to your right, on your bike you got some headphones. And these headphones are connected to radio, streaming services and this little doodad right here" he explains while motioning with his hands as he lists off all the things the headphones are connected to.

"The idea of silent spin class is its either silent in which case you can just switch off the sound or you can just concentrate on the sounds you want to hear." He keeps eye contact with you for a few seconds before looking away and adjusting himself on his bike.

"Now it's a full body spin workout so I hope that you remember that the winner takes it all because we are going to be working those, abdominals, making those obliques look fleek and just having a good time." He pauses for a moment before continuing.

"Now before you begin, because not everyone is as good as you, reset your machine by pressing the button and holding it on the left." Everyone does as they're told, you doing the same.

"Mhmm.. Everyone ready? Let's begin." As he continues talking everyone through the process, his attention seems to shift toward you again. You raise an eyebrow at him, all he does is smirk in return.

"Now, I'll be keeping my voice fairly quiet, so that I don't suprise you or make you swerve into another cyclist, right?" A few people laugh at his joke, while others are already in concentration with cycling.

"But I want you to be mindful at the kind of speed we're going here today. So, we're looking at about 35 kilometers per hour, and by the end of today's session we should have burned off about 300 calories. Now I don't want you worrying about being able to keep up. Go with your pace. Remember if it was a race, we'd be on the road but we're all here. Static. Burning calories together and enjoying each other's company." He shoots a wink your way before continuing his little speech.

"Right, so on your display you can see the time. We've already done a minute; it wasn't that easy."

"With your hands, if you place them on the diodes on the left and right you will get a heart reading. This is your heart so pay attention. Make sure you don't push it too far, okay? I'm looking at you, yes right Joey I remember. Now we've also got lots of other information, the calories burning, the distance, all the fun stuff. On the front of your bike, you also have two resistance bands to make a delightfully relaxful sound. We're going to be using those in conjunction with the cycling in general to ensure that you get a full body work out." As you process his words, you do start feeling the burn in your body. Small droplets of sweat already forming on your skin.

"Okay guys, we're up to almost two and a half minutes. Another two-and-a-half-minute mark we are going to start using the resistance bands. I'm not going to say much, just follow my lead. I'm going to start by working the obliques. Pulling and turning to the appropriate side." As he talks, he demonstrates what to do.

"All right, how's that sound" he says as he leans forward again on his bike while smiling and staring at you. You just raise an eyebrow before shifting your gaze to the wall behind him causing him to chuckle under his breath as he gets back to talking.

"Oh, now just before I forget when you arrive, please make sure you sign in at the reception in case there's a fire or something. We got to make sure everyone's accounted for. All right, so if you want to warm up go ahead and do that." Right as he finishes his sentence, he proceeds to talk directly to you.

"Hey, as you can see, I'm wearing my Versace, so you better have brought your game face, right?"

After saying this he starts smiling to himself before ending the discourse conversation.

"Let's do some quick exercise's" He points at you, "You got this, don't worry."

"Remember, concentrate on your breathing, keep it regular. If it helps breath in on pull and out on when you let go. But when you pull remember to control the return. Thats where the strength comes in. Alright let's do both. Test those pecks." He continues the exercise 2 more times before talking again.

"Now you'll notice on your bike there is a resistance setting, by default set this to five. All right? You can turn it down if you want. The only thing you need to worry about is yourself. Don't look left, don't look right, hell don't even necessarily look at me. Concentrate on yourself. You don't have to race, ok? And if you can tense your muscles a little. Your abdominals, not traditionally work out on a bike but what you can do is lift yourself while riding. Tense up real good and push." He proceeds to grabs both sides of the bikes seat and lift himself to show everyone who is watching.

"Let's do some bicep and triceps' work. Grab both the resistance bands and lift." He continues this a few more times before leaning closer to the front of his bike.

"How are we feeling? Good. Hey, new face, front row, enjoying it?" You simply respond that you are starting to feel a sweat on your head.

"Oh yeah, you'll be working up a sweat all right. Don't worry." Before you can make a comeback, he starts calling out someone in the back.

"Joey, Both feet dude."

As everyone continues cycling, Mr. Hotshot starts talking to no one in particular on stretching as he stretches his muscles. The thing is, as he is doing it, he keeps direct eye contact with you and just smirks every time you happen to make eye contact with him. This guy was starting to weird you out.

"Now we are approaching the eight-minute mark. Now as regulars know at about the 15-minute mark, we go into solo mode. Now this is where even I put on my headphones we emote. We concentrate on the music, listen to it. It becomes our rhythm as we cycle. Today I'm listening to something, and I want to see if you can work out which song by the way I choose to emote. And I want to see emotion from all of you. Every. Single. One. You got that? No, Lip syncing is imperative. You must Lip Sync or you're out of the class. All right?" Everyone just nods before getting their choice of music ready, some people already having their music playing.

"I don't want to hear it, Joey." He says this as he points to the man from earlier, then goes back to as if nothing happened.

"All Right, so remember that we're feeling pretty relaxed, and the good news is we're just about to hit 100 calories burned. We're approaching the nine-minute mark. Let's do some pecs." Again, he demonstrates the exercise four more times while keeping eye contact with you.

"How are we all feeling? We should be maintaining a rough 35 to 40k. It's ok if you're not but I don't know about you. I'm starting to sweat, which is no bad thing. So, make sure that you are drinking plenty of fluids. I want to see each of you with your water, taking a sip whenever you need to, okay?"

He goes on to walking through with everyone on the exercises for about, 3 minutes before leaning forward and talking to you again.

"You are doing really well. I'm very impressed." He fixes he glasses before trying to ask you a question.

"Would you come- Sorry microphone right." He adjusts his shirt before continuing.

"Okay, we're coming up to the 15-minute mark which is emote territory, so I need you to emote. We are almost hitting 150 calories, which is great. You've all got this. You are all impressing me. You are all a testament to the success of the silent spin." He does a few more movements before speaking again.

"All right, halfway. Nearly halfway at 15 minutes you're going to hit 150 calories. This is two burgers you ate, Jill. You should be feeling the heat now.

Feeling little drip drops of sweat down your forehead. You don't know where you are going, but you are getting there in style. You are getting there on a bike, without wheels, like the angels of old.

Behold spin." You just look at him with a hesitant look. 'This man is weird in the weirdest way' was all you could think to describe him.

"All right. Cynthia, I want to see better posture.

Much better. I'm very impressed. Good. Very good..." As he points and praises at you, he shoots another wink your way. Smirking like some lascivious fool.

"You, what's your name? Andrew. Andy Pandy. Pudding pie. Rode the bike. And made them die. Okay guys, headphones on. It's Emote time." After saying this everyone including yourself put on your headphones. Ricardo grabs his phone from the upholder on his bike and starts looking for the song he wanted everyone to guess.

After you find your song of choice, you start lip syncing. Everyone starts doing the same, but what make you question this instructor even more was him dancing. Not your normal head movements to certain lyrics but actually dancing, as if he was in some night club. This went on for about six to seven minutes if you had to take a guess. Soon the silent emote or whatever he calls it was over, he threw his headphones to the right of him and started talking again.

"Okay, apologies if I got a little...carried away there. It's a favorite of mine. And-phew makes me sweat. Hey. Andrew. Great work on the emoting. You are definitely invited." This made you even more confused. Invited to what? Was doing exercise a test for something?

"We are now 20 minutes in. You have all done incredibly well. We're going to do a few more minutes, okay?" He looks at you before speaking again. " How are you feeling? You, okay?" You simply nod. "Good." He continues to work with the resistance bands a few times before speaking again.

"I don't know about you guys, but I feel like we've done a pretty good workout today. How are we feeling? Joey. Cynthia. Carl, I didn't see you. Hey buddy. You're rocking out to the crew? Of course you are. We are coming up to 216 calories burned. That is indicative. About 23 minutes of us cycling together. We've been varying our speeds between 30-35 kph. Okay I want all of you to feel proud of what you've done today. That was some serious spin. Really, really impressive stuff but I think we'll call it a day for now. So slow down, slow down, that's it. Okay, now we don't want to be like those other people before us, do we? So, we reset the machine when we step off of it. I want to say, well done, again. Let's do some breathing exercises to cool down. You ready? Okay so breathe in, and out(×4). All right, well, if you guys are anything like me. You got sweat in your eye. Your shirt is soaked, and you could use some food so all of you make your way out, but you!” He points toward you.

"Newbie, can I just talk to you for a minute? Once everyone else is gone?" You slowly shake your head yes as he smiles at you. You watch as people leave, and Ricardo starts bidding people out.

"Okay, see you Gel. Yeah, say hi. She going to come next week. Her funeral? Man." He slowly exhales before picking up some things and putting them back in their original spot. As he does this you ask him if somethings wrong.

"Ye, just two minutes. Hey. So- Oh man. Hey I... I hate to be that guy, but can I grab one of those?" He points at your pack of cigarettes peaking from your chest pocket. You question why he asks for one in a studio, but you reluctantly get one out and hand him one.

"Oh, thank you." You ask him if it's okay to smoke inside but all he says is, "Oh it's my studio, don't worry." You still feel skeptical with smoking and ask again to make sure. "Oh yeah, yeah, Mhmm." As he also uses your lighter, he thanks you again.

Soon the tension and awkwardness starts to build back up again so you try and make small talk.

"Oh, thanks for coming, yeah, it's a cool class huh. Yeah, I wanted to do something a little bit different. You know? All these spin classes are so noisy." You start asking him small questions like why his name is Ricardo.

"Ricardo Zizi. Yeah...It's Italian. My folks are from the old country. Yeah, I'm a little bit more...Modern. Yeah, erm this place is owned by...Hugo Hoffman. Heard of him?" You remember seeing billboards about someone with that name.

"That's right, real estate. I work for him. This? No, this is just a side gig. I'm into entertainment. I'm a Dj of course. Who isn't right?" He laughs at his own joke before taking another drag from the cigarette.

"You know...I can't get over this feeling that I've seen you somewhere before. This is a long shot, but you could work..." Before he can finish you already start panicking thinking he is going to ask you to be involved in something illegal . He must have noticed your panicked expression because he quickly interrupts.

"No nothing like that! Party work. Mr. Hoffman. He has these big 'top secret' shin digs. All you have to do is hand out some Hors D'oeuvre, maybe chat to a few guests, or some drinks. 300 bucks. What do you say?" You contemplate for a moment before asking if there is a catch because right now this seems too good to be true and sketchy all at once.

"There is one weird catch. He's a... hm... he's an eccentric guy. You know? Yeah, weirdo. Most super rich people are, don't you think? But anyway, he has dress requirements. Not just clothes but makeup. Things like that. Hairstyles. And he likes to see staff before he lets them into the party." You ask him a few more questions since you have no idea what you need to look like or what to wear.

"If you're still interested sure. Well look, why don't I take your number" He hands you his cell phone.

"Just pop it in there. Mhmm. Give me a sec." He starts tapping on his phone before your own phone dings.

"That's me. Ricardo Zizi. Spell it how it sounds. Two z's. I've just texted you two of my friends' numbers. The first one is Valencia. She's this crazy…women. She's going to do your makeup. Just how Mr. Hoffman likes it, okay? And the other number is for my friend Elissa. Well, she's my girlfriend actually." This both shocks and confuses you. This dudes been flirting with you the whole time while being in a relationship? What a prick. "But don't tell her I told you that- Anyways. She's a photographer so she'll take some snaps for you to share with Mr. Hoffman. All being good, Ill text you again letting you know it's cool and I'll send you the address." You still feel skeptical, but 300 dollars is a lot and would help with things. As if he can see the hesitation in your eyes he continues.

"It's one night, 300 bucks, easy money huh?"

Finally, you nod your head and thank him.

"It's the least I could do for the smoke. Oh! one more thing before I forget. You don't need to worry about that right now just go home, get cleaned up and then tomorrow go see Valencia. Then in the afternoon go see Elissa. Just text them before. They all have socials so it will be fine. But there is a bouncer on the doorway. I forget his name. Real grumpy guy but this kind of a 'eyes watch shit' type deal. You know what I mean so you're going to have to give him a password. The password is... Hel-..Hill...Hilarious...I think. Ill text it to you before the event regardless." After processing all this new information, you thank him again before getting ready to leave since it does seem like it's getting late, and you still need to do other things.

"Well, hey, it's been great to meet you" He shakes your hand. "Thank you for coming to the class. It's a lot of fun, right? Kind of goofy. I always get lost in that song. Probably says something about me huh. Good luck. It's been a real pleasure meeting you and all being well I'll see you tomorrow night and you'll be 300 bucks richer, and I'll be in the bosses' good books for getting someone who actually knows what they're doing. All right, well, I got another class starting up soon, so I better get ready. I'm caked in sweat. But thank you. I look forward to working with you. Ciao bello."

You walk out of the studio, looking down the the text message with both numbers sent to you. Oddly enough, the Los Angeles sun seemed to be going down so you start making the walk back to your apartment. You still couldn't get that negative thought out of your mind but you were able to push it to the back of your head. Til tomorrow.

[marmorafarms]

Does anyone read Gravity Falls fic still? Well I hope so because I'm writing one!

Friday I'm In Love

Ch 1

Rating: Teen+ (PG 13)

Pairing: Stan Pines/OC

Summary: When Elfie comes to Gravity Falls to help her friend propose, she wasn't expecting to experience the wildest summer of her life. With the return of demonic forces imminent, Elfie must band together with the Pines family, and finds love along the way.

You can also find the fic here on ao3!

“This is a stupid plan for butt faces,”

“Mabel, when will you understand that just because you don’t agree with a plan doesn’t make it inherently bad?” Dipper said, shaking his head at his twin sister. She was sitting on a log, glaring at the ground while Dipper fiddled around with a strange gadget. It looked exactly like a smart watch, but the words appearing on screen were odd sigils rimmed with red.

“I just think this could hurt someone if you’re not careful. And you and Grunkle Ford are never careful,” Mabel grumbled.

“That’s not true!” Dipper said. “Look, all it does is summon the last person to touch it. Other than me of course, because I’ve calibrated it to me, therefore I can’t summon myself if I’m holding it. The last person to hold it was Grunkle Ford. So when I press this button, Grunkle Ford will appear.”

“Are you sure that’s who had it last?” Mabel said nervously. “He set it down near the register in the Mystery Shack. What if someone else picked it up? You could be snatching someone from their family!”

“Mabel, just trust me. I know what I’m doing. And a one and a two and a…” the teenage boy pressed a button, and there was a sudden flash of blue light.

“And here we have Grunkle…wait what?!” 

—

One second ago, Elfie had been mindlessly chatting with her best friend Melody in the parking lot of a place called The Mystery Shack. And now? Here she was, standing in the middle of the woods with two teenagers goggling at her.

“Do I need to up my meds?” Elfie said, looking around. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

“Dipper what did I tell you?!” the young girl said, turning to the boy next to her. “This lady here touched it last! And she’s freaked out because of your koo-koo-bananas machine doodad! You have to send her back!”

“I don’t know how!” the boy who seemed to be named Dipper said frantically.

“Are either of you Melody?” Elfie asked tentatively. 

“You’re okay ma’am,” the girl said, standing up and brushing herself off. “Don’t worry, you don’t need to up your meds! Probably.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dipper said. “Um. Well. Did you happen to be at a place called the Mystery Shack recently?”

The brown haired boy looked very worried, his aviator hat askew. He quickly adjusted it and began to pace back and forth while the girl who must be his sister began to chastise him. Elfie took a moment to look around, before spying a sign shaped like an arrow, with a green question mark sloppily painted on. Okay. That was something she recognized. All she needed to do was ground herself and then—

“You must’ve been at the Mystery Shack, otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now. For some reason, you grabbed this, and now you’re in the woods with us.”

“I was in the parking lot just now,” Elfie finally said. “And then I disconnected from reality because there’s no way I just teleported.”

“Oh no, you totally teleported,” the girl said. “My brother here created a thingy that teleports people! Kinda cool, kinda messed up, but don’t worry! You’re fine. The Mystery Shack is down the road a bit. I’m Mabel, and the guy who messed up your day is Dipper!”

“I didn’t mess up her day!” Dipper said angrily. “Did I?”

“Okay, let’s say this is actually happening,” Elfie said, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “That means that my friend who is about to propose to her boyfriend is now probably freaking out. In the parking lot. Alone. At least she’ll be able to go into the store and find her boyfriend.”

“Why wasn’t he with you?” Dipper asked, frowning. “Was she really going to propose to him in a lame tourist trap?”

Elfie glared at the boy. “It’s not lame!” she said, stamping her foot like a child. “Her boyfriend owns the shack, so you better watch it kid.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged shocked expressions, and turned to her, wonder in their eyes.

“Is her boyfriend Soos?” Mabel said slowly.

“That’s Jesùs Ramirez to you,” Elfie said with a sniff. “Or Mr. Mystery I suppose.”

“No, we call him Soos all the time!” Mabel said. “You’re friends with Melody? Dipper, how come you didn’t connect the dots?”

“What? Me?” Dipper said, annoyed. “What about you?”

“I’m not good at piecing all the puzzely things together,” Mabel said. “You’re the one who does that.”

“Look,” Dipper said, turning to Elfie. “Soos is one of my—“

“OUR!” Mabel interrupted with a shout.

Dipper sighed. “One of our best friends in town. Yes he’s eighteen years older than us, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is—wait did you say Melody is going to propose?”

Elfie sighed. This day was going to hell in a hand basket very fast. But if these kids were telling the truth, getting back to Melody, and more importantly getting to where she had been trying to go, would be a snap. She really needed to get to her friend and help her with the proposal. They had a whole plan and everything!

“Yeah she is,” Elfie said. “And I need to be there to make sure it goes off without a hitch. But I guess things going perfectly to plan isn’t happening anymore.”

"We have to get you back!” Mabel said, slapping her hands to her face. “Where’s the golf cart? We need to get Soos engaged!”

Before she knew it, Elfie found herself zooming through the underbrush of the forest, ducking her head every few seconds when a branch passed by. She held on for dear life as they flew over stumps and tree roots. When they finally arrived, Elfie saw Melody in the parking lot. A tall heavy set man that could only be Soos stood next to her, along with two men that looked 30 years her senior.

They all had serious expressions on their face. One of the men wore a long trench coat, and everyone was staring at him as spoke at top speed.

“The logical explanation is that your friend touched the device, and Dipper decided to use it. Don’t worry Melody, we will find her very soon.”

“Maybe sooner than we thought. Is that her?” the other man said in a gravely voice, pointing towards Elfie and the two teens. Elfie swore she was seeing double as she looked at the two men. There were a few distinct differences, but she was definitely looking at a set of identical twins. Elfie’s stomach did a flip as she looked at the twin pointing in her direction.

He was a stocky man wearing a brown leather jacket and a deep frown. His five o’clock shadow was really doing it for her, and she had to look away. Damn her thing for older men.

“Dipper my boy!” the man in the trench coat said, spreading his arms wide. “I’m glad to see you!”

"And I’m glad to see you!” Melody said happily, looking at Elfie. 

“You said this town was weird but I wasn’t expecting that,” Elfie said, glancing at Dipper, who was staring at the ground.

“Yeah my brother and Grunkle Ford get up to all kinds of crazy wacko shenanigans,” Mabel said with a laugh. “I’m just glad you’re safe um…uh…what was your name?” In their haste to get back to the shack, Elfie hadn’t had the chance to introduce herself.

“Oh, I’m Elfie,” she said with a smile.

“That’s a cool name!” the teenage girl said.

"It’s a nickname,” Elfie said. “You can thank Melody over here for it. She gave it to me in middle school.”

“Why?” Dipper asked. “I’ll tell you why I go by Dipper if you tell me your actual name.”

“Maybe in a second,” Elfie said. “I need to talk to Melody about something,” she said, giving her friend a pointed look. Melody looked nervous at these words and then sighed.

“I was going to tell you earlier, but then you vanished,” Melody said. “Our…plans…have to wait. Stan and Ford here, as well as Dipper and Mabel, are staying here for a few months, and Soos wants to get them settled in.”

No way. This couldn’t be happening! Elfie and Melody had been planning this for months, and two sets of twins were going to ruin it by staying here?

“Plans?” Soos said frowning. “I thought you two dudes were just gonna tour the Mystery Shack and then get going.”

“We kind of wanted to hang out with you,” Elfie said. “We thought we could go to the lake for a bit.”

“Oh,” Soos said, looking surprised. “Sorry guys, I gotta get them settled in. You’re not leaving today are you? I thought Melody said something about you guys staying for a bit.”

“Elfie is staying with a friend, and I’m staying with my grandma like I do every summer,” Melody said.

“Who’s your friend?” the older man with leather jacket said. 

“His name is Dan,” Elfie said, thinking about her lumberjack friend. “Real sweet guy. I’ve missed him.”

For some reason, everyone was silent except for Melody, who was covering a grin with her hand.

“What?” Elfie said. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Did you just say your friend is Manly Dan?” Mabel said with a gasp.

“And did you say he was sweet?” Soos said, cocking his head to the side. “That dude is scary!”

“Dan isn’t scary!” Elfie said, frowning. “He’s a really nice guy. What makes you think he’s not?”

“He broke the town clock by punching it over and over again. That weirdo’s got a screw loose,” the man in the leather jacket said, rolling his eyes.

“Stan!” Mabel said, slapping his shoulder. “Don’t say that!”

“I’m just saying it like it is!” Stan said. “He’s nuts!”

“Wait a second,” Elfie said, narrowing her eyes. “I know you. You’re the founder of this place, I saw a picture of you on the wall of the gift shop.”

“Yep!” Stan said proudly. “I’m—“

“The Mystery hack,” Elfie said, and Stan choked on air. Everyone looked at her with wide eyes, and she continued.

“Stan Pines, right? I’ve heard about you from Dan over the years and I know exactly what kind of man you are. Dan has a screw loose? Hello Pot, my friend’s name is Kettle. Are you really calling him black?”

“Well, wait, I wasn’t trying to—“

“He’s probably worried about me,” Elfie said, sticking her nose in the air. “It was good to meet most of you, but I probably won’t be seeing you.”

“Elfie!” Melody said scandalized. “Don’t be like this!”

Elfie whipped out her phone and began dialing. “I’m calling Dan to pick me up,” she said and stalked off.

“I like her,” Mabel said fondly. “She’s fun.”

—

“I really Stan’d that one up, didn’t I?” Stan said with a sigh, plopping down on the chair that Soos had saved just for him.

“Stanley, when people talk fondly about a friend, you shouldn’t start insulting said friend,” his twin Ford said with a sigh, sitting down on the couch and scrawling something down in a notebook.

“What do you know about friendship?” Stan asked. “You can barely stand to be around anyone in town. Why should I take advice from you?”

“I may not like being around other people, but I do know a thing or two about how people work, unlike you apparently. Considering how that situation went down, I’d say I know a lot more than you,” Ford said.

“She shouldn’t’ve talked to him like that though,” Soos said, entering the room with a bag of potato chips. “Melody said she’s going to do damage control. You guys’ll probably bump into each other sooner or later, this town is pretty small. She wants to make sure Elfie doesn’t stay mad for like, the rest of time.”

“I wasn’t trying to make her mad or nothin’,” Stan said. “It’s just that—“

“That your brain and your mouth aren’t connected!” said a voice from the doorway. Everyone jumped and turned. Mabel was leaning against the door frame, tapping away at her phone.

“Don’t worry, I’m like that too!” she said, walking into the living room. “My mouth sometimes says stuff that my brain hears and goes what?! It’s okay, I’m sure everything will be fine. Soos, do you know how long she’ll be staying here for?”

“Sorry dawg, I don’t know,” Soos said with a shrug. “Melody just said she’ll be here for “a bit” and I don’t know what that means.”

“Hopefully for a while!” Mabel said happily, turning the TV on. “She seems cool. Dipper likes her too, don’t you Dip Dop?” Mabel shouted into the hallway.

“Can you not call me that?” Dipper said, emerging from the kitchen with a can of Pitt Cola. 

“Only if you tell them what you said about Elfie,” Mabel said with a giggle.

“W-what? I didn’t say anything!” Dipper said quickly, face flushing. 

“You said she looks like a super m—“

“A super great person who is not anything more than just a super great person,” Dipper said, clapping a hand over his sister’s mouth. “What are you all looking at?” he asked the group.

“Was Mabel about to say super model?” Soos asked, sitting down next to Ford.

“Ugh, it doesn’t matter!” Dipper said angrily. “Look, okay, maybe I think she’s pretty, but I didn’t say anything else.”

“Yeah he did,” Mabel said smirking. 

“Eh, makes sense,” Stan said with a shrug. “She’s a pretty lady. But she’s also an adult so don’t be weird about your new summer crush.”

“I don’t have a summer crush!” Dipper said, voice cracking. “You guys suck!”

“Wait, Stan!” Mabel said, looking at him with big eyes. “You think she’s pretty too?”

“Well. I mean, yeah. She’s objectively good looking. Pretty face, and a nice—“

“Choose your next words very carefully,” Ford said tersely without looking up from his writing. Just as Stan was about to fire back, Soos’ phone buzzed.

“Oh dudes, it’s Melody!” Soos said, reading the message. “She says she managed to convince Elfie not to uh…gouge Stan’s eyes out with a rusty spoon? That’s weirdly specific.”

“Yeesh, this lady is crazy, no wonder she’s friends with Dan,” Stan said shaking his head.

“A beautiful woman who threatens you with violence? Sounds like every woman you flirt with,” Ford said shaking his head. “You like crazy.”

“Yeah, but those were one night—“

“Aaand that’s our cue to leave,” Dipper said, yanking Mabel to her feet.

“Awww…” Mabel said sadly, but let her brother lead her out of the room.

“Look Soos. I’m sorry I got your girl’s friend mad. But she’s fine now, right? All’s well that ends well,” Stan said looking at Soos.

“Mr. Pines, I’m not sure everything went well. Sure she’s not going to like, murder you, but maybe you should apologize.”

A booming laugh sounded from beside the young man. Ford was wiping a tear from his eye as he laughed, journal falling to the floor.

“Stanley apologizing? That’s a good one.”

“I just said sorry to Soos,” Stan grumbled, “It’s not like I’m incapable of it.”

“Your apology amounted to “sorry I did a bad thing but who cares because it’s better now” which is a terrible one,” Ford pointed out. “Sincerely apologizing for hurting the feelings of someone and trying to get that person to be on good terms with you? That won’t happen.”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of!” Stanley said, annoyed. “I could apologize to her right now. Gimme the phone Soos.”

“Over the phone? Really Stanley? That’s the easy way out. Apologizing in person is something you could never do.”

“Oh I’ll do it!” Stan said, getting to his feet. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going over to Dan’s house and I’ll give the best apology the world has ever seen!” And with that, Stan stormed out of the living room, presumably going to his room to pout.

“Dude. That was amazing,” Soos said, looking at Ford with wide eyes. “How’d you do that?”

“Do what?” Ford said innocently.

“You were right, Stan never apologizes in a real way. But he’s actually gonna do it now! You got him to!”

“Getting my brother to do things is simple,” Ford said, picking his journal up. “All you have to do is piss him off by saying that he can’t do it, and then he will. I got him to investigate a sea monster near Alaska doing just that. We had to dive into the freezing waters, and he didn’t want to. Not until I told him that of course he couldn’t do it. Why would he? Obviously he didn’t have it in him. And then just like that, he put his gear on, and we got that monster taken care of.”

“Wow,” Soos said, eyes wide. “That’s like, super top secret information. I won’t tell a soul!”

“Eh, it’s probably something people should know,” Ford said. “It’ll make everyone’s life easier.”

“I should let Elfie know that Stan’s coming over in the morning,” Soos said, picking up his phone. “And probably send back up just in case she changes her mind about the rusty spoon.”

—

“Manly Dan, eh?” Elfie said, bustling around the kitchen to help Dan make dinner. Dan looked at her in surprise, eyebrows shooting up.

“Where’d you hear that one from?” he asked.

“Some teenager named Mabel,” Elfie said as she coated some asparagus in olive oil. “If things hadn’t been so strange today, I would’ve laughed.”

“What, you don’t think I’m manly?” Dan said good naturedly. “These muscles ain’t enough to prove it?” the red haired lumberjack said, flexing for his friend.

“Hmm. Not convinced,” Elfie said, and Dan sighed dramatically.

“I’m the manliest in town,” Dan said. “That’s how I got the name. Even manlier than the manotaurs.”

“Than the what?” Elfie asked as she began to close the oven door.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said nervously. “Just a joke.”

“No no no,” Elfie said, wagging a finger. “There’s something up with this town. What’s a manotaur?”

“Nothing’s up with this town,” Dan said firmly, putting a steak in a pan. “Why would you think that?”

“That girl Mabel? Well her brother teleported me from the Mystery Shack.” Elfie began to recount her day to Dan, who listened in stony silence. His face was unreadable, but Elfie didn’t seem to be paying attention. She was too busy ranting about Stan.

“Can you believe he said that?” Elfie said. “I wanted to punch him.”

“Elfie, you’re doing it again,” Dan said, putting some rosemary in the pan. 

“Doing what?” Elfie asked, hand on her hip.

“Going wild over something small. Was that a big problem, or a little problem?” Dan asked. Elfie looked to the side, and her shoulders sagged.

“A little one,” she grumbled.

“Everyone thinks I’m a bit crazy,” Dan said. “It doesn’t bother me though because everyone in this town is a bit crazy. But Stan is alright. He saved the town once.”

“Really?” Elfie said skeptically.

“Really,” Dan said. “And he gave my daughter a job before she went off to college.”

“How’s Wendy doing by the way?” Elfie asked. 

“She’s great,” Dan said with a wide smile. “I’m proud of that kid. She’ll be a sophomore in college come fall term. Gets straight A’s, even in classes she swears she’s gonna fail.”

“Cindy would be proud,” Elfie said. Dan stopped what he was doing for a moment, and then smiled at Elfie.

“I think she would. You know, you two were like peas in a pod. Probably why we all got along so well.” Dan said, a sad smile on his face.

“She used to call me an honorary red head from how firey I am,” Elfie said, playing with a lock of her dark brown hair. “I’m glad everything is going well. Are we going to make the trip to visit her?” 

“Of course. The Valentino’s do a good job taking care of her headstone, but I like to clean it myself sometimes. Place some new flowers down.”

There was a comfortable silence before Elfie spoke again.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot,” Dan said, flipping the steak.

“Why weren’t you shocked when I said Dipper teleported me?”

“That boy is a friend of Wendy’s,” Dan said. “They met when he was 12. If there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that you should always expect the unexpected with him.”

“Does he know what a manotaur is?” Elfie asked casually. 

“I think so,” Dan said. “Look they’re basically a minotaur with the power of toxic masculinity. They have dumb thoughts about what being a man is about. I try and teach the boys that being a man isn’t about being strong or mean or something like that. It’s about what’s inside. Being your own man isn’t about being aggro all the time, and nobody should think like that.”

“True,” Elfie said. “Where are they by the way?”

“They’re staying the night with some friends,” Dan said. 

“All three?” Elfie asked surprised. Dan nodded.

“They’ll be back tomorrow. Marcus has been talking my ear off about how great it will be for me to have a friend, and Gus and Kevin have been speculating about gifts.”

Elfie laughed and shook her head. “Your boys know me too well. I did in fact bring them some stuff.”

“I think Marcus is right though,” Dan said casually. “I’m glad to have my best friend back.”

“Aww,” Elfie said, leaning against his shoulder. “You’ve got friends here though, right?”

“I have been getting to know Stan’s brother Ford,” Dan said slowly.

“Oh have you?” Elfie asked, an impish smile on her face.

“Not like that!” Dan said, swatting at her.

“He’s pretty cute, wouldn’t be surprised if you were,” Elfie said.

“I guess so,” Dan said with a shrug. “You must think Stan’s cute too then. They’re twins after all.”

“I mean…he’s not terrible looking,” Elfie said, pulling the asparagus out of the oven. Dan leveled her with a look, and Elfie sighed.

“Alright fine, he’s really hot. But! I’m still mad at him. So that docks him like, 100 hotness points.”

“You’ve always had a thing for the elderly,” Dan said.

“He’s not elderly!” Elfie said, slapping his shoulder. “He’s like, 65, max.”

“Which makes him over 30 years older than you,” Dan said.

“It’s not like I’m trying to date him,” Elfie said.

“Nah, you’d just be trying to fuck him,” Dan said, and Elfie almost dropped the plate of steak and asparagus that Dan had handed to her.

“You are so lucky your kids aren’t home,” Elfie said.

“Am I wrong?” he asked as they sat down at the dining table.

“I’m not answering that,” Elfie said, stabbing a piece of meat.

"That tells me all I need to know,” Dan said, leaning back in his chair. He handed Elfie a soda, and cracked open a can of beer for himself.

“Ooo, you splurged on the name brand stuff,” Elfie said, taking a drink.

“Anything for you, doll,” Dan said.

After dinner, Elfie walked to the spare bedroom and changed into her pajamas. Dan had been right, she had completely overreacted. But she couldn’t stand her friends being made fun of. She knew exactly how that went, and wasn’t going to stand for it. Right as she was about to turn the lamp off, her phone buzzed.

Hey emmy elf!

It was Melody.

Hey! What’s up?

She and Melody chatted about nothing for awhile. Just as Elfie was about to tell her she needed to get some shut eye, Melody sent a long message.

Look, I wanted to talk about earlier. Stan was out of line, but you kinda blew up at him. I think maybe it’d be better if we all just made friends and forgot about what he said. The town is really small, and there really isn’t a lot to do. You’re going to run into him at some point, and I don’t want any bad blood between you guys. Stan is like a father to Soos, and I think it’d be good if we were all friends.

Elfie sighed. Melody had a point.

Yeah okay, I won’t gouge his eyes out with rusty spoon, I promise.

She flipped her phone over and closed her eyes. This town was crazy, but hopefully she could learn to love it. Elfie dreamed of being captured by a giant minotaur who kept saying weird disrespectful things about women. Her dream continued, and Stan showed up to save the day. When Elfie woke up, she was slightly annoyed that the best part of the dream had been interrupted. Oh well. Sliding out of bed, she was about to grab her clothes and go take a shower when there was a knock on the door.

“Hold on!” Elfie said. She opened the door and saw Dan standing in the doorway.

"Someone’s here to see you,” he said with a big yawn.

“Is it Melody?” Elfie asked.

“Soos and…well you’ll see,” Dan said.

A feeling of dread washed over her, and Elfie walked to the front door. She flung it open to find Soos and Stan at the doorstep, both pointedly looking away from her.

Fuck.

She was wearing a tight tank top and mini shorts, both of which left little to the imagination. Slightly embarrassed, but willing to hold her ground, Elfie cleared her throat.

“Do you need something?” she asked.

“Stan wanted to talk to you,” Soos said.

Stan was looking at the ground, seeming to regret his choice to come here.

“I just wanted to talk about yesterday,” Stan said. “But uh, maybe I should come back later.”

“Give me one second,” Elfie said, and quickly rushed back in to her house. She caught the words “…take her to the diner” right before she closed the door. Today was shaping up to be something interesting.