#hail Hel

[broomsick]

She is the one who stands with Her arms open,

Ready to welcome those who have walked across the Gjöll bridge.

She is not one to be tricked,

For Her holy name is renowned through the nine worlds,

All of which know of Her power:

She cradles the souls of those who come to rest with the Gods,

And She does not discriminate the peasant from the king,

Nor the humble from the noble.

To Her we send songs of praise.

Onto Her I entrust my life.

Beside Her does the Luminous One sit.

Upon Her is a crown made of ash.

Artist

[theskelosbadlands]

As the veil thins…

[hexylo]

Forever thanking Lady Hel for her assistance with my first hex. 🙏

[grimlypagan-archive]

I'm this close to making a sideblog specifically for Hel because I just think she's so cool!!! I love her!!!

[jadeiteee]

 ˚⋆୨୧˚ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ CLOSED˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 

Pairing/s : Daniel Ricciardo x reader

Face claim : Heidi Berger and nonface from pinterest🫶🏻🫶🏻

Summary : That one famous fan acc is dating Daniel??

Warnings : ?

Author’s notes : am on a writing slump rn😔😔 pls leave some comments and force me to continue writing pls. Also ofc I need to slip in Maxiel in everytjing🫶🏻🫶🏻

*Your Accounts

liked by Danielricciardo_3, Maxiel333, Danielr1cc1ardo and 4.721 others

Ricciardo3 : Daniel Ricciardo before Qualifying -Canada 2024

User4 : Can I have the third picturee??                                                                       ↳ Ricciardo3 : Check your dms!                                                                       ↳ User3: ME TOOOOOO                                            ↳ Ricciardo3 : https://www.Ricciardo3.com I uploaded the pictures here!🫶🏻🫶🏻

User8: Daniel serving every day

User2: The car is ass but atleast he is slaying😔😔                                                 

                           

liked by Maxielforever, Ricciardoupdates, Dannyric3 and 8.521 others Ricciardo3 : 🚜🚜 all pictures uploaded in my website🫶🏻

User12: HE IS SO FUCKINHOT I CANT BE3ATYE HEL- ↳ User5 : Take a deep breath🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️

User8: Where are you finding all these pics?? ↳ User14 : who cares, they are feeding us with all these boyfriend pics✊🏻✊🏻

User6 : All hail mother for serving us high quality daniel content🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Ricciardo3 : 🫶🏻🫶🏻 @/danielricciardo

User17: WAIT FUCK SO THAT TWIT WAS FR???

User16: TOLD YALL IT WQS REAL MOBIDT WAS LISTENING TOME

User35: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLOTTWIST??!!

danielricciardo : One year and counting❤️❤️ @/yourusername

maxverstappen1: I was not informed of this?? ↳ yourusername : Just so you know as a diehard Maxiel fan I would gladly back down and let you guys marry eachother🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ ↳ danielricciardo: wtf?? ↳ User70 : Y/N IS A MAXIEL FAN?!! ↳ User69 : MAX DIDN’T KNEW??

User5 : Taking a deep breath🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️

User333 : THIS IS ALL TOI MUCH FOR ME TO PROCESS

[lunawolfheart666]

Hail to hel caretaker of the ancestors

Something I did a few years ago

[busridetohelheim]

Hail Hel, Goddess of the Land of the Dead and Caretaker of the Departed.

Take care of my mother for me. Make sure she rests and doesn't try to take care of everybody around her. Please? Tell her I love her and I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

[notthesomefather]

Prayer for the Autumn Equinox

[[ I typically honor Nott during this holiday, but this year I felt compelled to write a prayer to Hel and Idun. ]]

Nurturers of diminishing buds and resurrection, Shepherds of decay and vibrancy, Be with us now and hear our praise this morning. Guard the harvest we reaped in months far brighter, As the leaves begin to blush in brilliant displays.

Ladies of setting dusk and rising dawn, Bringers of the dimming and rising light, Be with us now and hear our thanks on this day. Guide us through the nights that grow longer, As the brilliant hues of summer fade and rest.

Goddesses of life and its cycles, Preservers of growth and balance, Be with us now and hear our adoration this evening. Stoke the warmth in our hearths and hearts, As the chilly fingers of frost grasp ever closer.

Hail to Lady Hel! Hail to Lady Idun!

[santoschristos]

Hela the Rune Goddess Hagalaz

Hela (or Hel), the goddess of death and lady of the underworld in Norse/Germanic myths. Hela resides in Helheim, the lowest world at the roots of the sacred World Tree, and collects all the souls of those people in the Northern Tradition who are not claimed by specific protective deities. In ancient times, it was said to welcome and care for all souls who died of any death that did not occur in physical combat. In the northern tradition, death is not seen as evil, but is simply a part of the cycle of nature. Hela is usually shown as one part beautiful woman and one part decaying skeleton or corpse, because she is not interested in hiding or euphemizing the true nature of Death. For Hela, decay is as sacred as any other part of the cycle of Life. She is a Goddess of great transpersonal compassion, and her followers say she never tells a lie.

--Text written by Alfa Omega

Hagalaz (Hagal)

Hagalaz, hagal, haegl - ice, hail, goddess Hagal.

Listen to your own intuition.

Hag, Hagalla - from Old English 'haegtesse' - witch.

The rune's potential: focusing and transforming primal energies into an orderly structure.

The rune's message: don't be afraid of situations that seem unfavorable to you. Trust your inner self, it will help you figure out a difficult situation and make it favorable for you.

Hagalaz is the first rune in the second aett of the Elder Futhark. It is the rune of the hailstone, and represents the destructive energy of the forces of nature. This is a rune of both disaster and healing. It is significant in its position as the ninth rune of the Elder Futhark. It completes one phase while transitioning into another. Hagalaz portrays the destructive powers of the natural world; severe weather and elemental forces that wipe away the old, while planting the seed of something new. This rune is connected with wyrd, the inevitable power of fate and the integration of the shadow. In magic this rune can be used for cursing and banishing. It has the energy of dark feminine power, witchcraft and the deep subconscious.

Hagal is the later form of this rune, derived from the Younger Futhark, and is considered the “mother rune” of the later Armanen Futhark. It resembles a snowflake, and the crystalline structure of ice. The crystal matrix is the basis for the runes of the Armanen Futhark. The six spokes of Hagal are reminiscent of the Hexagram, the six pointed star that combines the active and passive principles of creation. In Norse mythology the Middle World was created by the two primal elements, fire and ice. Muspelheim and Niflheim are the realms of these elements. Niflheim, the realm of ice, mist and darkness is an aspect of Helheim. --Hela’s Runes by Coby Michael

HEL: Goddess of Death/Queen of Helheim Image by Mahaboka

[sleepyhollowtimburton]

Origins of the Headless Horseman legend

Despite the legend of Sleepy Hollow being one of the oldest American written horror stories, the origin behind the Headless Horseman is a lot older and originates in Europe.

Washington Irving first published the legend of Sleepy Hollow between 1819-1820. In this story, it is explained that the Headless Horseman was a German mercenary soldier, a Hessian hailing from the German state Hessen, who unfortunately lost his head during the revolutionary war after being hit by a canon ball to the face. It is interesting that Irving chose for a German origin for the Horseman in a Dutch town as both Germany and the Netherlands have legends of headless horsemen, talking decapitated heads, ghost riders in the dark that have its origins in pre-Christian times.

Here are some examples of the headless horseman myth from different countries in Europe:

Netherlands: The belief in the wild hunt was once quite important in pre-Christian times, it's in fact the origin of the modern Dutch holiday of Sinterklaas which was introduced in the USA as Santa Clause. As the days shorten and winter arrives, the Germanic God Wodan, or in some instances the Goddess Hel/Holle, rides through the sky followed by a horde of the undead. Anyone unfortunate enough to see the riders in the sky, would soon die and join the hunt. To please the hunt, people began to give offerings to the God Wodan and his horse Sleipnir, placing carrots in shoes, this tradition is still being done in the Netherlands until this very day. I am myself a Germanic Pagan and I honour the wild hunt by making offerings to Wodan and his horse and blowing the midwinter horn.

There is also a Dutch medieval song 'Heer Halewijn', the origins of which are assumed to be older, an oral tradition before being written down around the 15th century. This song tells the tale of a princess set out to meet Halewijn who in turn ends up being a murderer who decapitates women in the forest. The princess manages to decapitate Halewijn instead and takes his head with her to her father the king, Halewijn's decapitated head however continues to talk to the princess.

Ireland: In Irish folklore, the Dullahan is a headless evil entity who rides a horse while carrying his head under his arm. This spectre is perhaps the most famous and classic example of the visual origin of the Headless Horseman. Not only does the Dullahan carry his own head, he also wields a whip made out of a human spine. Whenever the Dullahan halts his horse, a death will happen by calling out that person's name. Some say that the Dullahan is the spirit of Crom Dubh, a Celtic deity who was worshiped by means of human sacrifices.

There is also the Cóiste Bodhar, a strange headless entity who drives a black coach. Bodhar is a harbinger of death who arrives to announce the passing of a relative or a loved one, quite similar to the grim reaper.

Wales: Now the country of Wales is home to quite a few headless mysteries. One of the more famous stories tells about a headless woman: 'Fenyw heb un pen' who eerily also rides a horse without a head. Another story tells of how Bryn Hall was haunted by a headless horseman until the horseman pointed towards a body which turned out to be the dead body of an illegimate child of Bryn Hall. This version of the Headless Horseman seems to have been more benign, rather than being a harbinger of death or a crazed killer.

Germany: Germany is also home to several Headless Horseman legends and is of course the home country of Irving's version of the Headless Horseman. Most of Germany's legends originate from the Rhineland area and were part of a morality tale. Many of these Headless Horsemen were doomed men, being punished for their sins on earth so they had to wander until they had atoned for their sins. Sometimes these Headless men would perform good deeds, most times however they would kill victims, not by decapitation but simply by touching them. Both Germany and the Netherlands believed in the Wild Hunt legend and it is alleged that many of these Headless Horsemen have their origin in the pagan wild hunt.

England: England also has several legends concerning Headless Horsemen, one of these is part of the legend of Arthur, the Green Knight. This knight challenged one man in Arthur's court to strike him down with his axe but the Green Knight warned the man he would strike the man back later in a year. As promised, the knight got decapitated, picked up his head and later decapitated the man whom he challenged. Another headless horseman legend originates from the Dartmoor area, nothing much is known about this legend other than that people have seen a headless man riding around the countryside.

In the end, the Headless Horseman has its origins in both Celtic and Germanic mythology and new versions of the legend keep on popping up throughout history, either as a bringer/omen of death or as a killer waiting for his unfortunate victims. Seldomly is the Headless Horseman a benign person helping people in need.

The legend found its way to the USA thanks to Dutch, Irish, English and German settlers and was immortalized by Washington Irving in his 1820 story 'the legend of Sleepy Hollow'. Washington Irving himself probably based the story on the old Dutch and German stories as he was familiar with them thanks to his travels. The retellings of German folktakes 'Volksmärchen der Deutschen, 1783 was especially a big source of inspiration for Washington Irving.

[moonlight1237]

Hel Norse Divine

@ghosting-medium helped write and edit this!

ᚺᛖᛚ (elder futhark)

Hel (old norse) Hell(e) (old english)

Her name comes from a root meaning, covered or hidden kinda like Hades and Frau Holle, and like a helmet or a helm, which is also the name of the realm which she resides in Helheim (old norse=Hel) also meaning “the grave” or to be put in your grave this land is not a place of punishment like the Christian Hell, it was more of a waiting place where Lady Hel takes in the “unchosen souls of the dead”. Helhiem was believed to be guarded by a giant wolf it’s disputed whether it’s her brother Fenrir or another wolf named Garm, Helheim is in one of the nine realms which is Niflheim, her plate and knife are named “hunger” and “famine”

She is the daughter of Loki and the giantess (or a jötunn) Angrboða; her brothers are Fenrir (Vánagandr or Fenris) and Jörmungandr (Midgard serpent). Some don’t realize the gods and giants aren’t different races but different families and titles as Hel was born of a god/goddess parent she has the title of goddess but she can also be referred to as a giantess.

She appears as half-blue or sometimes some say it translate to black both mean she’s half corpse/rotting and the other half is a flesh colored beautiful woman, she’s known to appear to her followers as either or both if she feels the need to scare you or shock you she may come as her rotting side or if she wants to come off more motherly she may show up as her flesh side, some say she has white or black hair it varies to person.

She also had a 3 legged horse also known as “Hel-horse” a scrawny boney white/yellow horse which in the “prose edda” she brought plague and death

She’s said to lead an army of undead souls into battle during Ragnarok to fight in a valley against the undead warriors of valhalla (Old Norse: Valhǫll) aka the hall of the slain or hall of the corpse.

She appears in Baldrs draumar and the Voluspa in the poetic edda also known as the “Elder edda”.

In Baldrs draumar you see her when she refuses to give Baldrs soul back to the other gods and keeps him in Helheim unless everything in the universe weeps for his “death” (gods in norse mythology don’t “die” they’re reborn in a way) when one giantess refuses to weep Hel keeps Baldr in Helheim till Ragnarok. It was known she treated him fairly and even gave him a seat beside her as a guest of honor in her hall.

Ullr was another god who visited Niflheim often so he often visited Hel in Helheim.

Why she was thrown from Asgard is disputed; some believe it was due to her looks that she made the other gods uncomfy, or that like her brothers the Æsir gods condemned her before she really did wrong leading to a self fulfilling prophecy, or that Odin gifted the hall to her.

Hel is the queen of afterlife and the caretaker of the dead in some sources she was also the main god who made decisions on judgements for who received punishments in Helheim as not all who went to Helheim go as punishment and it was said that Helheim had 2 sides.

General association

Death

The afterlife

Ancestor work

Shadow work

Bones

Sickness/plague

Cold/winter

Revenge

Scrying

Hidden places

Tombs

Gold / Sliver

Rotting/wilting

Spirits and death work

Necromancy

Animals associated

Ravens

Horses (black or white sometimes bay)

Wolves (due to her brother and the guardian of her hall)

Crows

Vultures

Any black animals

Elderly animals

Scents

Pine

Amber

Earthy scents

Apple

Cinnamon

Homey scents

Spice scents

Musky strong scents

Colors

Black

White

Blue

Sliver

Gold

Runes/Tarot

Hagalaz (hail)

Eihwaz (yew)

Death

Queen of wands

Queen of swords

Numbers

3

9-Upg this number comes up with her a lot due to her being a ruler of one of the nine realms

Element

Earth - because of her ruling of the underworld, and being under the earth

Zodiac Sign

Scorpio - upg, but Scorpio deals with a lot of secrecy, privacy, shadows, and death

Cancer - upg, she’s “the one who hides or is covered”, since Cancer’s animal is the crab, and that is an animal that is covered by its hard shell. Many individuals that work with Lady Hel associate her with being motherly, but also strict. Cancer is the sign of nurturing, and emotions so it makes sense.

As for other zodiac signs, I would consider any zodiac signs near the end of the cycle. The zodiac cycle is associated with the cycle of life and death; so near the end of the cycle is going to be death. This could be signs like Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces. There is no historical basis for this, as Norse Paganism didn’t really document or use zodiac signs.

Day of the Week

Saturday

Crystals

Any type of obsidian

Black onyx

Hematite

Smokey quartz

Labradorite

Moonstone

Jet

Black tourmaline

Plants

Yew (do not consume yourself EVER)

Any poisonous plant really (deadly nightshade, foxglove, etc) (do not handle unless you are a pro and know how to handle poisonous plants)

roses/dried roses

fungi/mushrooms and other decomposers

Mold

Juniper berries/bush (do not consume yourself EVER)

Pine

apples/apple trees/apple blossoms

Plantain

Black roses

Drinks and food

Mead/alcohol (especially spiced flavors) - classic Norse offerings that are appreciated by all Norse deities

Meat

Bread

Coffee

Tea - Black tea is a type of tea that might be best for Lady Hel due to her strong association to the color Black. If you don’t have this tea don’t worry, I bet she’ll be grateful for any tea you have.

Dark chocolate

Apples

Yew/Juniper berries (do not handle unless you are a pro and know how to handle poisonous plants)

Marshmallows/or marshmallow fluff

Molten/lava cakes

Fudge

Anything bittersweet or spiced

Things to offer/do in devotion to her

Bones/skulls

Learn runes, and casting runes

Learn bone throwing/casting

Raven bones/skulls

Mirrors (especially black or silver mirrors)

Any art you make for her

Black or white cloth

Black/white/silver candles

Crystals

Food/drink, Raw meat

Learning your shadow self

Learning your family history or connecting to your an ancestors

Visiting a cemetery or graveyard and pay your respects to the dead

Cleaning up cemeteries or volunteering at one - make sure you know how to properly clean graves and have the spirits permission before cleaning the grave

Respecting the dead and spirits wherever you are

Saying a prayer to her when you see or find dead animals

Veiling

Skeleton imagery

Wolf imagery or wolf teeth

Learning a scandinavian language (old norse, dansk, norwegian, icelandic, swedish)

Learn runic writing

Flowers/dried flowers/flowers that are near dead if not already dead

If your experienced in norse folk magic a blot (ONLY IF YOU KNOW HOW AND HAVE PROPER UNDERSTANDING AND GUIDANCE AND EXPERIENCE)

Feathers

Fur/animal hides - make sure you get these ethically, do not just injure an animal for its hide, and not pay respect to the animal or Lady Hel during it.

Things that respect that dead like something from your ancestors

Any kind of animal imagery related to her

Signs she could be reaching out

Sudden interest in her

Hearing her name brought up a lot, either in conversation or subconsciously

Sudden interest in death work or spirit work

Seeing black animals

Seeing animal death and bones

Her being in your dreams a lot or her name mentioned a lot

Suddenly wanting to learn to scry or do runes

Drawn towards obsidian, or smokey quartz suddenly

Getting her rune or tarot card a lot

Being drawn towards norse mythology or her myths

seeing dead bugs in unusual places

Hel music/meditation

https://youtu.be/eXl6iGuV_44

https://youtu.be/uIDWg-KqX8c

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XwuUkj1u31j90LCq3ftau?si=b60faa340c2a45bf

Resources

https://www.angelfire.com/journal/ofapoet/hel.html-A really good article of info on Lady Hel but of course take everything with a grain of salt

http://ydalir.ca/norsegods/hel/- A decent run down on Lady Hel with some good info

The “Prose Edda” also known as the “younger edda”

The “Poetic Edda”-translation by Jackson Crawford also known as the “elder edda”

“The Viking Spirit”-Daniel McCoy

“Tales Of Norse Mythology”-Helen A. Guerber

https://angelorum.co/heathenry/connecting-with-the-goddess-hel/ - A decent article with some UPG and well known facts

https://youtu.be/yg5QyIPXdAI- Info on Lady Hel from a witches view with some UPG.

https://youtu.be/6r_iPQA2vZw- The historical research on Hel including her names roots, what she does, and her realm

https://youtu.be/Ac2veVpMPWA- A complete basic intro to Norse mythology from a historical view

https://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends-europe/going-hel-and-back-travel-helheim-where-goddess-darkness-reigned-006174- A little bit of info on Lady Hel

https://www.worldhistory.org/Hel/ - quick blurb on Lady Hel’s history

https://youtu.be/WeW1-oXEubk-Jackson Crawfords run through on the main norse gods and goddesses

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLATNGYBQ-TjqOIFzdVApjXXpWXOzZHKFp- Jackson Crawford norse mythology playlist and run through from a professor and historical standpoint

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLATNGYBQ-TjrPCf9YGy0qzqca1ypcGs50- Jackson Crawfords run through of all the Nordic runes and how they work from a historical standing

https://youtu.be/mhMHTZ2jfXM- Grimfrost academies documentary on Viking age culture and how the norse people lived and used things

[orinene]

~Prayer To My Goddesses~

Hail to Gaia, goddess of the earth Mother of all, I honor you. May golden Aphrodite, whose gift it is to bring us together in love and compassion, be with us: we honor you and praise your might. Hail to Idunn, keeper of the treasured fruit of youth and vigor, radiant renewer of life. Hail to Hel, host of our beloved dead, inevitable one to whom we all will go. Dua Hathor, lady of gold, mistress of joy and pleasure, steadfast friend of women, I praise and honor you.

Hail to Nyx, goddess of the night primordial of night, I honor you

Hail to Eris, goddess of chaos and strife bringer of discord, I honor you Hail to the Muses, goddesses of the arts Calliope, Clio, Polyhymnia, Euterpe, Terpsichore, Erato, Melpomene, Thalia, Urania. I honor all of you Hail to Lilith, first wife of Adam rebel dark goddess, I honor you

Hail to Hecate, mother of witches queen of the witches, I honor you ~So be it, So it is~

[messy-curiosity]

Hail Hel, Lady of the Dead

Made this in devotion to Lady Hel to keep on my digital altar <3

[hels-light]

Hel

You represent the duality of our existence

To accept life is to accept death, both hand in hand with each other

Welcome me with open arms when I reach your gates

Hail lady Hel, queen of Helheim

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us chapter 9

AO3 link

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

Little baby warning, it does get angsty and there are some mentions of sex, no smut yet though, sorry guys.

Giving @cheesy-cryptid all the flowers for their beautiful art. Without it I wouldn't be writing this massive project I have given myself lol

Also giving flowers to my bestie @micropoe10 ✨ she's gonna be reading parts of this for the first time with everyone so I can't wait to see her reaction hehehe

Tag list:

@justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @tragedybunny @davenswitcher @wayward-hel

Chapter 9

why cuts aren't healing

The relationship between Astarion and Octavia had changed since her little intrusion. She had seen him walking around without the glasses, finally. Whatever reasoning he had for that was lost on her, since he stopped speaking directly to her.

 He would just stare, those fire orange eyes seemed to burn into her seething with a mix of disappointment, rage, betrayal. Gale had the unfortunate duty of passing her messages from Astarion, working as their in between. 

 The cold notes Astarion would send in with Gale were only about work. No smarmy comments, no sarcastic airs, just boring work. Octavia crumples up and throws the note in the garbage next to her.

 "Do you think he's ever going to speak to me?" She asks Gale, flatly. She inhales deeply and slumps down on the chair. 

 "Octavia, you literally broke the one rule the man has for ALL OF US. What were you expecting? A handshake? A pat on the head? Please."

 Gale looked at her with an annoyed face, his tone not much further. "Listen, let him brood, it'll be good for him. For you too. Maybe you'll learn what 'private' means."

 Gale isn't hiding that he's mad, but there's a hint of concern behind it. He obviously cares for Astarion, but he can only do so much for these two. 

  --------------------—-------------------

 In his dusty office, Astarion still obsesses over the argument with Octavia. She was so afraid of him. Even as she was being torn down, she still looked at him with a nurturing curiosity.

 The entire thing confused him, why did she smell like Tav? Why do her eyes look at him like hers did? She reminded him so much of his lost love. Was he imagining it, or was it the regret playing tricks on his mind again?

It had been one hundred and fifty years since he let the human go. She was desperate to join him in the Underdark, she could help him, they were in love after all. 

 Somehow Astarion couldn't ask her to give up her life in the sunlight for him. She screamed, begged, pleaded, fought, and cried. Nothing would move him from this firm stance. He couldn't take her from the only life she had known above ground. Especially not now that they were all being hailed as heroes. 

 The look on her face when he denied her was still seared into his memories. The necessary pain he had to put her through to save her. He was too cowardly to face it, so he left in the night. 

 Never looking back at the Elfsong Tavern, never seeing his friends, letting them all kill him in their minds. They were all dead now, or they assumed he was. There was no point in dwelling on his own actions. 

 Still, he can't help but wonder, what happened to them? Did Lae'zel and Shadowheart ever forgive his choices? Was his Gale truly happy like the letters his great grandson gave him said? Did Wyll and Karlach even make it to Avernus? Astarion let the sorrow fill his core, the despair growing and twisting into total apathy. 

 He often thought of his last night with Tav, the way he had to lie to calm her down. Her tears as he kissed her worries away. His hands on her body, feeling her come undone with every touch. She crashed her lips on his desperately, the worry and insecurities followed by hunger and lust. 

 Her soft cries of pleasure and heartbreak echo in his ears as they have each night for almost a century and a half. Her slow caresses were pleading him to stay, to never leave her alone. They had grown so much together, she trusted him with her blood, her body, and her heart. They had risked everything and came out the other side. 

 He decides then to bring her to bliss one last night before never indulging in her ever again. To feel her running hot in his icy veins, warm with her glorious blood. She was always so generous with her gifts. Her blood, her love, her body. He should be ashamed to want to leave them all behind. 

So many have killed for the type of love and affection that he had in his hands. He was foolish to let it slip through like the ashes he would turn into if he walked into the sun like he imagined so long ago. 

 His mind couldn't help but wonder.

 

Was she happy? Did she forget him? Did she ever have the family she wanted? She always wanted kids, and even though he wasn't sure if he could give her some without dangerous risks, he would have done it for her. Even if he wasn't sure he ever wanted them himself, he .

 He closes his eyes and hears her voice, soft and melancholy in the cold white hue of the moonlit night.

 I will do anything for you, I love you. 

 You have me, my Star.

 I'm yours forever. 

 Don't leave me. 

 

Please.

 The memories were all too painful, he tried hard to suppress the anger, grief and regret. but it burned like a house fire. Slowly, then all at once. He slams one of his fists onto the desk in front of him. The pain shoots up his wrist and arm, making his shoulder vibrate. 

 He winces and swipes off the papers on his desk, he keeps punching the desk until he can't feel his right hand. The good thing is that he won't be too badly hurt if he kills a big animal tonight. It should still be easy to catch a deer, even in this weakened state. 

 

The aggression won't stop, he wants to yell, to destroy this whole facade, but he can't. His whole 'new' life is built on the foundation of his old one. He can't move on, no matter how many times he's lied to himself about it. No matter how many times he's tried he can still sense her. 

 There was a bit of a complication now, though. Octavia reminded him so much of her. The thought kept replaying in his head, all the little things he had noticed these last months.

 She had the same tilted laugh, the same sweet smile that lights up her face, her way of challenging him to get a playful rise out of him. Maybe there was something there but now he can't face her. Why had she violated his only wish, what could possibly compel her to sneak in and spy on him like that? 

 Astarion lets all the emotion rise, his breathing quickens, his chest feels like it's tightening, the pain that was in his arm takes over his whole body and he falls into the chair behind him.

 His head throbs, and it almost feels like that fucking tadpole made its way back inside him. The room is spinning and shrinking all at once. The shadows in the corners slowly growing darker around him.

  The sound that comes from him erupts from his lungs, a rumbling sob that he can't suppress. The little he feels now comes out in giant tears, he gasps for air as if he's digging himself out of the grave again.

 Nothing can stop the flow of emotions rippling from within. The shaky breaths tumble out, bathed in the chill of the room. He buries his head in his hands and lets it all melt away. 

 The sorrow he feels washes over him, the memories and lost time all pouring out. The weight of the years, the grief, all the stupid things he said and did that hurt them. He never meant to do any of it. He was just trying to protect them. His loneliness kept them safe, it was the only thing he could tell himself after all these years of self isolation.

 As much as he hates putting up his walls with Octavia, she seems remorseful enough to respect this distance he's forced upon them. Practically punishing herself to gain back his favor. He can tell with the way she'll quickly turn away when he catches her looking at him, or how her eyebrows do that thing…

 Oh no. 

 Oh Gods…

 The realization hits him all at once. He's got to apologize if he even thinks this could work in his favor.

 She deserves some compassion from him, at least. It's time to let go of the fear and to show someone he can be open to feeling like this again. 

 He's scared, always has been. It feels different now somehow, he only has to open the door and let it in, whether it will welcome him or engulf him in its flames was to be discovered in due time.

[stars4loki]

30 days of devotion to Loki

day 5: Deity's family members

Loki is married to Sigyn and they have two sons together. Narfi/Nari and Váli. By the jötunn Angrboða, Loki is the father of Hel, the wolf Fenrir, and the world serpent Jörmungandr.

Hail Loki!