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abyssal-endling · 2 years ago
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okok Myshka post since @corknaut and @lilspacewolfie asked
this is. very unorganized.
Myshka is 18 - 20; they/them pronouns. Escaped from Kataru and the Dentist, and ran into the gang on a heist a few days afterwards.
When first meeting Dallas, while he was injured and separated from the group during a heist, they were so malnourished that Dallas genuinely thought they were a child, closer to 10. Myshka ended up following him back with the gang, patching him up and helping Chains patch up Houston and Dragan, and Bain decided they'd simply have Myshka come along until they figured out what to do with them. (AKA: figure out if they would tell the police or not)
During this time, they became very very close with Houston. Even more interesting to the gang, Myshka and Vlad seemed to know each other. Neither would say anything about it, Myshka specifically getting agitated and withdrawn. Dallas and Bain became a bit more adamant that Myshka not stay- Myshka's attachment issues to Dallas and Houston were a hazard, and really, the gang did not have the ability to keep them there.
Eventually, the Dentist contacts Bain with a job. An important test weapon was missing, supposedly stolen. Dallas has Myshka, Sokol, Houston, Dragan, Chains, Hoxton, and Wolf come along for the job. The briefing is set up with a meeting- the first time anyone other than Dallas will be meeting the Dentist.
The Dentist is quite pleased when he sees that they already have the weapon- Myshka. Myshka panics and shuts down, resulting in the others choosing to go on the job without them, leaving them with the Dentist until they're done so they're safe and don't do anything to hurt themselves. A heist and a few lies later, Myshka is separated from the gang, heading back to Kataru.
Vlad. Well, he goes on his own personal mission after.
Despite everything, Myshka is distressed and actively tries to fight or prevent the Dentist from harming Bain. (It... doesn't go well for anyone.)
The extreme trauma and stress from Kataru caused them to have a fragile mental state. Rewards for doing tasks correctly were non-existent, while doing a task extremely well resulted in simple praise and an extra portion of food, albeit extremely small. Doing something wrong, however, or not in the way their superiors wanted, resulted in severe punishment of any kind. The main thing they were punished for was "playing", ie: moving things around without others noticing to see how they'd react; hiding documents, weapons, and other various items on others, making it seem the person stole it or was trying to sneak it out; they had even started doing this to the Dentist. This follows them outside Kataru. An almost innocent cruelty, toying with Murkywater, police, and even every day guards by scaring them, causing minor issues in their comms, flickering lights, etc. before getting bored and finally killing them.
They cling to Houston and are relatively dependent on him, panicking when he is hurt on jobs they aren't on, and going into fits of rage when he returns injured or is arguing with someone. When he is away, they function fine, but eventually become nervous, worrying about him. They've messed with his things before, to a much smaller extent than when they were in Kataru, and will mess with Dallas, Vlad, and Locke's belongings as well when they desire attention from one of them or are upset with them, to the point where they have broken something on impulse. They are very open about this with Houston: they don't know how else to get the attention they want, and they have a lot of self-hatred due to this. They also feel disgusted at themselves for toying with the guards, or their "prey". It's severe enough for them to have gotten sick after a heist because of it, and its somewhat involuntary. They'll physically recoil and shake when they realize what they're doing. Vlad attributes it to being raised as a lab rat: they were treated that way, alongside others, and still go through the motions of the tasks they would be assigned. Other scars from Kataru include needing permission to eat, and having to patrol at night.
Vlad being imprisoned damaged their already fragile mental state. He had been a parent figure to Myshka, and given them their name. His 11 year imprisonment meant Myshka spent a large amount of their life knowing only the Dentist. Something happened between the two prior to his imprisonment that neither mention, and Iveta avoids talking about. Only Hajrudin will say anything, which is that "Vlad had a daughter, she was about Myshka's age... the Dentist, and the Ark. It was... really bad. Vlad was so mad- he didn't- he didn't mean to scare them. They didn't know."
Vlad calls them “his little baby mouse”, or his "baby," as Myshka was very tiny as a child and extremely quick and quiet. They only thing that has changed is how big they are; they have also accidentally scared multiple members of the Payday gang as they move near silently. They also have a very odd habit of being able to avoid most cameras. Vlad also calls Myshka "his baby."
They tend to prefer hand to hand combat, as they feel a rush upon the contact, but again, feel disturbed by their emotions. Houston is one of the only ones who is able to touch them, and he has been picked up by them once, as well as knocked to the ground many times. (They also tend to break into his room to sleep in his room or near him, as they feel safer that way.)
They love the ocean, as the waves and water calm them. Myshka has said, on occasion, they wish they were a jellyfish because jellyfish "Don't feel anything. They just float along. Nothing hurts."
Myshka adores Houston, Locke, Vlad, Gage, and Ilija. No one is sure how Myshka has even met Ilija.
Myshka has instinctively howled with Wolf. Hoxton was so startled that he nearly dropped everything he was carrying.
Soup the Goat is the fiercest defender of them, and sits against them when they're upset. (Other animal friends include crows, a horde of rats, what Houston is pretty sure is a coyote, a family of geese, and whatever else they have dragged home from their adventures.)
Dallas affectionately refers to them as “the rabid raccoon in the garage”, which they use with pride.
Loves reading over what Duke has written about Kataru and hearing him talk about architecture.
Typically yells "GOODNIGHT BAIN" when going to bed (they have, in fact, gotten a response from him through messages) and has put a pizza in front of where a camera might be "in case Bain is hungry." Dallas once joked if leaving pizza out for Santa was a new thing, to which Myshka said "Hajrudin's coming over?!" so genuinely and excitedly that he had to call Vlad to bring Hajrudin over.
Dragan and Chains are able to keep up with them in sparring the most, but they secretly love sparring with Jacket because he “understands it.” Jacket seems to tolerate them, as they can be found quietly watching him play games, typically huddled in the corner under a blanket. (He saw Myshka being harassed at one point and came back with an arm firmly around their shoulder with blood on his face.) Myshka also likes to play hockey with Sokol. They are admittedly horrific at it and can’t skate, and generally do not know what's going on, but Sokol has become determined to get them to improve.
Gets super excited when Hoxton sings as he makes breakfast. They’ve joined in and then made Dallas and Houston join.
Main roll overall is translating whatever the fuck Vlad says and providing emotional support.
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titenoute · 1 year ago
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Meme redraw OG Rayman prefers to choose kindness whenever he can...
V.2 :
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But sometimes, you gotta send a message.
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monsterboyblood · 4 months ago
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Some very rough concepts for soul core Bass and Proto, with some extra things under the cut like how Bass' buster works and some helmetless ideas for the two of them.
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chalamet-chalamet · 2 years ago
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These are insane (IG credit to holycolorfulpig)
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fobnsfwdoodlesbackup · 4 months ago
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Hi y'all, I just wanted to talk a little about the behind the scenes of what I've been up to, to give y'all a little transparency and to open myself up for any tips or input! 🙏 Thank you for your continued support and for taking the time to look at my art 🫶
First and foremost I wanted to give some transparency about my art capacity.
As og followers may remember, I started this blog when I was doing art full time. Eventually my living expenses grew and I had to go back to work. I find myself in a cycle of "I'll make more art soon, once I get a job!" And "I'll make more art soon, once I am done with this job!" I lost my most recent job suddenly, having had an extension waved over my head until the last day(October 7th). Now I'm excited to have more time for art, but I am also feeling a rush to get a new job ASAP as I've been living paycheck to paycheck. I dream of doing this work full time, I'm just scared it's not quite there yet and I worry that I come off as scammy or dishonest when I anticipate more stability around the corner.
Second, I've been struggling with the Patreon. It's taken me a while to come to terms with this, but from what I've seen Patreon is not intuitive at all from the creator end. It doesn't do a good job of organizing addresses, emails, showing who or who isn't subscribed to me, or organizing and displaying the work I put on there. I've been really shocked by this experience, since lots of big names use Patreon. It's been a great way to streamline support, but it's been unhelpful in every other regard. I would like to continue using it, but I will most likely post more wips or process videos there in the future.
Which brings me to my third point, zines. I love making zines so much, it feels personal and fulfilling and fun! However the Patreon issues make it harder to keep information in order about where to send zines, or even where to message folks about them. In addition to this, the post office has been a big barrier to me, oftentimes only being open at the same time as my dayjob. Making zines can take days, then sending them out is a whole other monster.
This work is so important to me. Drawing peoples fantasies, representing body types, creating work around sexuality and the human experience feels like what I'm meant to do. I've made comics since I was a kid. This is the dream to me. The friends I've been able to make through this work are so important to me, and the conversations have been invaluable. Not to mention fun! I wanna doodle, I wanna draw hot stuff, I wanna thirst over these dudes! I want to play!
But I also just want to be transparent about the barriers I'm working around to share that experience. I'm completely self taught, both in art AND in running shops, building websites, running 8 accounts, etc. I take a lot of time to learn the logistics of these things, and try to make them make sense for my relationship with y'all (I do not want to paywall my art!! I don't want to!!!). This year my desktop broke down (the main one I use for all paintings and digital art). I've paused my Etsy shops and my Patreon to try to catch up with things. Trying to learn to paint in a completely different program. Then lost my job with no savings.
At the end of the day I don't want anything to come between me sharing my art with you. I wish I could doodle a thing, take a picture, and post it here. No third party site, no shop, no subscription. Just sharing my art with you. I promise I'm trying to figure out how to stay as close to that as possible, and I want to thank y'all for sticking with me as I untangle all of that.
So, what can you expect in the near future?
I'm working on a couple of painting commissions right now, which you should be able to see in the next couple of days! I want to catch up on kinktober and get those posted as well. There's a comic commission in progress which I'm very eager to work on, and which I think y'all will be excited for! To ease the weight of the Patreon I think I may do less zines/polls there and more wips and process videos! If possible, I want to do more full colored work too.
Thank you again for enjoying my work, and if you have any input or tips my inbox is always open 🙏🫶💕
#long post#info#marco lore#i wish i had time to edit this and make it nice#i just wanted to be open with yall about how much work this takes and that im trying to make it more doable#i don't want to overpromise stuff with patreon or shops and if im late sending stuff i never ever want it to come off as intentional or mali#malicious or as a scam#im just trying very hard to like ...survive. financially. and then trying to make all the logistics of thos big machine work. and then keep#up with commissions and shops and printing and mailing#god i wish i had employees but jts just me#i hand draw everything and then post it here to the word press to the ig and crop and caption and tag#then to the Patreon if it makes sense to or to the tiktok back in the day#and the formatting is all different#and i get messages across all of these platforms and I'm trying to learn a new way of painting on the fly#on top of that im supposed to be running my two Etsy shops too which im not right now because..broadly gestures#my nervous system can only take losing a job so often. the rug was really pulled feom under me in this one. i thought id have more time#i don't want to sound like I'm whining and i don't want to give up on all of this#i want to be very very very clear that art is what i love and who i am and what i want to do#i want to be posting on the daily again#i just need to evaluate what that looks like everytime life changes#I'm seriously so grateful for those of y'all that have joined the Patreon or bought stuff from the shop i really don't mean to drop the ball#so many times#y'all have literally been the difference between me making rent or not and I'm so worried that i don't make enough art to give back to that#relationship#im trying my best#okay anyways im posting this
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buwheal · 10 months ago
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I !!! Think!!! I’ve finally finished the key frames & inbetweens!!!! Kinda was hoping itd be done today but oh well. All thats left to do is rendering, pacing, and text!! Or,, well,, just the first two because im not doing text aha. Its visually carried :-3 should be fast because its not too complicated
Oughh still have to finish storyboarding the next one though aha.. and then the one after that.. because i have no idea what im doing for that one and i PROBABLY should lol
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Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about
#do NOT quote me on those numbers i pulled them straight out of my ass#like the ending was rushed and the diamonds didnt get to be fully developed but liek#the whole reason that was the case is there was an entire 6th season planned#and then the show got axed early because rebecca sugar and crew refused the back down on the rupphire wedding.#and even rushedness aside like the point of the show was never that you should hug fascists and forgive people no matter what#the diamond were rose's (and his) dysfunctional family whose personal suffering became the basis for the cruelty of gem society#bismuth in The Real World would have been right to want to kill the diamonds as a force of revolution#but the point of the show is that even the most complicated people are still people who can change. even if you dont forgive them#even steven quartz universe the most loving boy in the world very obviously does not like being around the diamonds. but that is how it is#it was a children's show that emphasized compassion and communication and family as themes. of course steven didnt kill the diamonds lol#i really fully believe the stevenbomb format (which was not the crew's choice or fault) cooked peoples' brains#you had months between major arcs so every wrongdoing by a character had months to be warped and misinterpreted and so no resolution could#ever satisfy fans who were festering with their own opinions for way too long#like these arcs looking back are not that long and they resolve in fairly reasonable manners but they took fuckin forever in real time to#wrap up#and ppl on the internet with no other hobbies than arguing made the fandom suck to be in and gave su a bad name#even if you dont like steven universe i think the amount of vitriol thrown at the show is/was fucking INSANE for what it is lmaooo#people were so so jolly to accuse rebecca sugar (a jewish lady) of being a fascist/fash sympathizer and paint every writing shortcoming or#morally dubious character action as a sign of pure fuckin evil#ok that was a long ass fuckin rant in the tags i am so sorry i'm just kind of opinionated on this matter as i am all matters#i've been rewatching su with my dad lately and this very normal and well paced and fun watchthrough experience has been illuminating#just how insane and uncalled for the hellish discourse sphere around su was/is#i say was/is i have no idea what su discourse is like nowadays. i'm too scareds to look in the su crit tag
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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unnonexistence · 5 months ago
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i am just going to have to get used to ambiguously-defined variables and bad documentation, aren't i
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the-acid-pear · 1 year ago
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today's prompts are spiders and self insert so i've been thinking of drawing nembone and a uh, bunger. but Im still thinking around the uh. ? i cant remember the word HELP the fucking COMPOSITION there.
#luly talks#i was thinking of formating it like a parody of a flash or mobile game where the character is like FEED ME x =D but i cannot find like#references.#btw another ideas i had was doing ONLY self insert and make a character select screen with my sonas#first i thought of a gif where you'd change selection making the border shine and the character change expression and get color#(otherwise they'd be greyed out) and then i thought of doing a more classic smash bros like character screen#but those two ideas would be too hard#i also thought of something more simple like just. my fursonas hugging yuri style#and then i was like no lets go back to nembone (my og idea as mentioned yesterday on the tags of my art post)#and i was CONVINCED today the prompt was path and i was gonna make a very cool scene with Nembone and Keabin sitting on a bar#and i hope yall know why i hope yall are tuned in with the completely neglected bugsnax oc luly lore but in case youre not first of all#shame on you but second its bc keabin actually is my save where ppl DIE#and i spoke in a post that i think is in my oc blog or maybe my self ship one either way im sure is crossposted on both but i spoke about#how fucking Low Nembone would be in a post Shelda's death path <- eh eh get it get it that's where the prompt plays!!#they'd also be saying something about wishing things could've been different or something#it'd have been a cool drawing and a great excuse to draw my guy keabin who has been borderline fucking retconned otherwise but hey#its not the prompt. so.#idk what i will do for tomorrow btw i dont have many complicated fits ocs juan has been in my brain for close to a decade or more#and he has never wore anything but a green tshirt and some pants#but ill figure something i might do Bloody#or i might double the fuck down and if i do bloody i can tie spiders to her and do nembone and keabin today#it is cringetober after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mbat · 1 month ago
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decided to rank all the world of warcraft zones. !! not by quests or story !! literally just by looks and how much fun i have there. the fun part is important for the lower ones lol, especially the last 2. i Do Not like the goblin starting... everything about it
its almost entirely sorted by alphabetical order except for the top rank and the first 3 of the second rank lol (also the bottom 2). can you tell i love draenei stuff?
also this list DOES NOT take the cities into account, which is why durotar and elwynn are so low for example. im gonna rank cities separately lol
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khioneee · 3 months ago
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tap out. pt ii.
warnings. mentions of death, emotional distress, grief and loss, pregnancy.
a few years later, another tap-out ceremony arrives, but this time, the air feels different—heavier, somber. simon’s been gone for over a year, his deployment unexpectedly extended due to an incident overseas. you’d been told he couldn’t come home for a while, but that didn’t make the waiting any easier.
today, you stand among families who aren’t just here to tap out their loved ones but to say goodbye to those who didn’t make it home. tears stream down faces as loved ones gather around caskets, grieving the soldiers they’d lost. the sight fills you with a mix of dread and relief, knowing simon is still out there, waiting.
simon stands in formation, rigid as always, but he has a sense for you. before you even appear in his line of sight, he knows you’re near. but imagine his surprise when he catches a glimpse of you in his peripheral vision, a small bundle wrapped securely in your arms.
his heart hammers in his chest, quickening as he realizes what this means. his breath catches, his eyes fixed on you as you approach. you look up at him, your eyes sparkling, a knowing smile on your face as you watch the subtle changes in his expression—the slight twitch of his eyebrows, the way his breathing picks up as it dawns on him.
both of you had been trying for a baby before he left, and now, standing before him, you hold that precious life in your arms. it had been a struggle going through pregnancy without him, feeling his absence during every kick and every sleepless night. but seeing him now, looking more than ready to meet your child, all the pain fades away, replaced by a joy so profound it fills every inch of you.
‘daddy’s home,’ you whisper softly, tilting the blanket so simon can see her tiny face, fast asleep, a perfect mirror of him in miniature. she’s got his nose, his quiet strength already etched into her tiny features.
with tears in your eyes, you reach up, your hand finding his cheek, tapping him out in the gentlest of touches.
the moment your hand connects, simon moves, breaking formation as he pulls both of you into his arms, holding you close as if he’ll never let go. his voice is thick with emotion, barely a whisper as he murmurs, ‘my loves.’
you knew your husband had a reputation in the military—a man as cold and unyielding as steel, a fortress no one could break. but as he held you and your newborn in his arms, that carefully built facade cracked, revealing a vulnerable side of him that only you ever saw. the tough soldier was gone, replaced by a man whose heart lay entirely with his family.
‘do you want to hold her?’ you ask softly, watching his eyes light up with a blend of surprise and joy.
‘her?’ he whispers, voice catching on the single word, as if it’s almost too much for him to believe.
you nod, smiling through a haze of happy tears. ‘her.’
with slow, reverent movements, you pass your daughter to him, watching as she looks impossibly tiny cradled in his strong arms. simon looks down at her with a mixture of wonder and fierce protectiveness, as though he’s already memorizing every detail of her face.
as if sensing her father’s gaze, the baby yawns, a soft little sound that makes simon’s eyes shine with awe. you catch the faintest smile pulling at his lips, a rare, tender expression that he reserves only for moments like this.
he leans down, pressing his lips gently to her forehead. ‘never gonna let anything happen to you,’ he murmurs, voice thick with love and quiet promise.
while simon was lost in his quiet moment with your daughter, a loud shout cut through the air, breaking the peaceful silence.
‘is that our baby i see?!’
simon’s head snapped up, his expression immediately shifting to something harder. he turned to see soap grinning widely, practically bouncing with excitement. with a sigh, simon reached over and smacked the back of soap’s head, though his movements were careful not to jostle the sleeping baby in his arms.
‘there’s people grieving, you idiot,’ simon muttered, but soap only snickered, completely unfazed.
‘and what do you mean, ‘our’? she’s y/n’s and mine. you’re not part of this relationship, mate,’ simon added, his tone dripping with mock irritation.
but soap, undeterred, just ignored him and held out his hands, wiggling his fingers in a display of exaggerated excitement. ‘oh, come on! let me hold our child!’
simon groaned, looking down at you with a glance that seemed to ask, ‘do i really have to put up with this?’ but he couldn’t hide the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as soap’s enthusiasm filled the air around you.
reluctantly, and with another sigh, simon finally leaned over, carefully passing your daughter to soap, though not without a low, ‘if you don’t keep her calm, you’re not holding her again.’
soap just grinned, taking her into his arms as if he’d won the lottery, cradling her gently and cooing softly.
soon after, the rest of task force 141 gathered around, drawn by the excitement, each member eager to catch a glimpse of the new addition to the family.
you and simon stood to the side, watching with cautious eyes as they took turns holding her, each one adopting a careful gentleness you wouldn’t have expected from hardened soldiers.
price held her with a proud grin, murmuring something about ‘training her to be the next captain,’ while gaz made her giggle softly with his gentle cooing. even the usually reserved roach softened as he held her, a rare smile tugging at his lips.
you glanced up at simon, watching his face as he stood beside you, arms crossed in a show of casual indifference.
but you knew him too well. beneath the mask of stoicism, there was something warmer, a subtle softness in his gaze as he watched his team, his family, sharing this moment with him. this gruff, unbreakable soldier, who had once thought he’d lost everything, had found a new family among them, one that shared in his joys and sorrows alike.
reaching over, you took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. he didn’t say anything, just gave your hand a quick squeeze in return, a quiet acknowledgment. but you could see it in his eyes, that gratitude for a family he never expected to find—a family that had now become part of yours.
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exculis · 9 months ago
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used to be a ton of miso soup posts on the dash like i dunno a year ago or maybe longer. probably longer. my sense of time is bad. anyway im definitely looking forward to it bc ive heard such good things basically lol.
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exopelagic · 10 months ago
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supervisor was met. god help our souls
#I think everything is fine and this is mostly residual anxiety#but also. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I now have a project area that I can start properly planning out which is good#and I have a vague schedule for the next month which helps a lot#next two weeks have just become very busy bc I have the majority of the writing for my proposal to do#I’m struggling most at this minute I think with why this actually matters#bc looking like my project will be abt spatial structure within populations which like cool interesting#but I do have to talk abt why anyone should care abt this#it is kinda frustrating to me actually bc I wanted to do smth with more immediate relevance now but the area I’ve ended up with#was 1. result of me dropping the topic I actually wanted to do 2. mentioning one of the first things I could figure out smth coherent for#3. supervisor latching onto that from my email and now we’re running with it#so okay like this immediate thing I’m doing won’t have any kind of application bc this is a study system so that’s not the issue#need to think wider abt what you learn from this and generalisability#has relevance to range shifts bc of climate change and from there is important to small scale evolutionary processes#whether you get differentiation or stratification within populations#potentially more relevant to island evolution and like. gene pool stuff?#I think I’m struggling rn bc I’ve not figured out my hypotheses yet and I can test things in a way that will be useful for other things#and there IS still utility in understanding things better come on I was willing to die on the pure science hill for so long#hdhdhsjdhnshdbsb I think I’m slightly frustrated by my supervisor just not thinking very much abt stuff#like he didn’t know the schedule for the proposal deadlines and I don’t think he knows the format tbh#I also had to tell him the focus was on the one year and not the extension bc. dude this is a masters I only have a year what#I know he’s done these before and it wasn’t exactly a surprise that this was coming so I’m kinda confused and a little annoyed#but okay it’s fine it’s fine. I can email him abt importance. and I’ll be asking abt titles around Wednesday once Ive figured out some ideas#rn i need to think about what I would be testing here with what I have available and how I would do it and I can write an overview from that#figure out what are the important questions to ask and I can find stuff that would be relevant to like conservation and shit#bc I KNOW that there’s important stuff here that I’m just not seeing. I might have to link stuff to fitness to get a more rounded analysis#which is also fine I can do that that’s probably a good way to tie the project together honestly. will make that one of the main aims#I think the studies on that are kinda lacking anyway and haven’t been done in a while so would still be filling a gap and if not#I can use THOSE studies for relevance of the project. that’s what im missing i think it’s the next step so I can understand consequences#luke.txt
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doctorlafayette · 1 year ago
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An Unreachable Ocean of Feeling.
Oh, how I long for a relationship.
It does not need to be romantic, friendship
would suffice if the feelings are deep and true.
I want love in any of its forms. Companionship
is the siren call that I would sail to the rocks for. Everything
feels superficial. Shallow like the coral reef. My ship
in the bottle traps me from interacting with the world as it
rocks with the gently rolling waves of my emotions. I would ship
my heart to anyone I thought could give me the feelings
I crave. No one cries “Alex!” as I go down with my ship.
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nereidprinc3ss · 10 months ago
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hi!!! here for a request. can we have a imagine where reader has a wound from surgery or whatever on like in a rib and she hides to change the bandages but then spencer sees her and he’s like ‘lemme help you’ and…
you do you for the rest!
in which spencer helps BAU fem!reader change her bandages in the bathroom at work. it's intimate, and he's adorable and awkward, and it only fuels her terrible, terrible crush.
warnings/tags: fluff, talk/description of wound, brief talk of being stabbed (does not actually occur in this fic lol), reader wears a bra, spencer undoes said bra but not sexually, lots of suggestive humor and teasing, a TINY sprinkling of angst but not really, idiots in love
a/n: i'm picturing early seasons spencer and it is filling me with so much unbridled joy. I. LOVE. HIM. thank you for the request!! and lets not talk about how inconsistent my formatting for requests is pls and thanks!!
It’s not like you meant to bend down so quickly that your wound reopened—but here you are, suffering the consequences of your actions in the women’s bathroom at Quantico as you try to assess the injury before you re-bandage it. And your shoe is still untied. 
Unfortunately, the fact that you had quite literally been stabbed in the back last week makes it hard to reach said injury—especially when you’re at work and so can’t take off your shirt like you normally would. And all this struggling means it’s taking longer than it should, so now you’re focused on the wound and its scabby, wet edges and all the things it’s secreting rather than hurrying to give another statement of the entire event to Hotch since the first one had apparently been too sparse on the details. 
A knock sounds on the open door. Spencer calls your name. 
“You in there?”
The angle of your neck has your voice slightly strained as you call back, “yeah, what’s up? Is it Hotch?” you pause to hiss as you accidentally scratch at the wound with a nail. You don’t even want to know how much bacteria you just introduced to it. “Tell him I didn’t forget our meeting, I’ll be there in—”
“It’s not Hotch. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with your back? I know you said you were going to check on it, but you’ve been in there a while.”
You sigh, dropping your sore arm as you continue to hold up your shirt with the other and regarding the reflection of your back in the mirror. 
“Actually—could you come in here?”
There’s a pause. 
“You want me to come into the women’s restroom?”
“Yes, Spencer. It’s fine. There’s nobody else in here. I just… I need some help, I think.”
The last part is admitted quietly, with an air of defeat. To admit to needing help, is, by your standards, the same as failure. Spencer knows this, which is probably the only reason he puts aside his hesitations and shuffles uncertainly into the tiled room. If you’re asking for help, it’s because you really need it. 
“What do you need help with?” he asks, sweeping his gaze suspiciously around the lavatory as if you were lying about there not being any other women present and this whole thing might be a trap of some sort. 
“It’s gross, and you can totally say no.”
He raises his brows expectantly, before spotting the weeping wound on your back. Unconsciously he steps closer, leaning forward. It’s not your fault, and the gore is not specific to you—anyone’s body would react this way to being stabbed. But you still feel embarrassed by the close attention to such an ugly marring, which nobody besides you and your doctors has actually seen up close.
“That doesn’t look good,” he mutters. The expression on his face is irritatingly familiar—the drawn brows, tightened eyes, barely parted lips—but it takes a moment before you realize what it is. 
“Reid,” you complain. He’s still stooped over slightly to examine the wound, and looks up at you through dark lashes with those infuriatingly warm puppydog eyes.
“What?”
“You’re looking at me the way you look at a dead body on the slab.”
His nose scrunches.
Some might say it scrunches adorably. 
“No, I’m not. That’s just my face.”
“Okay, well stop. It’s freaking me out.”
He pouts—actually pouts. Subtle, but bottom lip jutted out and all. It’s ridiculously endearing. 
“My face freaks you out?”
“Wh—no! That’s not what I said! You have—you have a great face! I didn’t mean—” 
You manage to claw yourself out of the hole you’re digging when you see the dopey smile growing on his face. 
Oh. He was fucking with you. 
He never used to do that. It’s unnerving to be the fucked with instead of the fucker for a change. Especially when it’s Spencer. 
“What did you need me for?” Spencer asks by way of peace offering. You close your eyes and sigh, attempting to collect your thoughts without his presence re-scrambling them.  
“Um—I just need you to put this bandage over it. I can’t reach without taking my shirt off.”
And now you’re forced to wonder if he’s thinking about you shirtless as much as you’re thinking about you shirtless.
“Yeah—don’t do that,” he says absentmindedly, stepping again closer to get a better look before turning to the nearest sink.
For some reason, this offends you. 
“Why not?”
Spencer pulls another face as he washes his hands—you love the constant flow of expressions he always seems so unconscious of. Even when they’re not pleasant and directed at you.  
“Are you asking me why shouldn’t you take your shirt off?” he clarifies. 
“I know why I shouldn’t take my shirt off, but I want to know why you think I shouldn’t take my shirt off.”
“Because we’re at work?” he observes astutely. You frown deeply at his completely logical reply. Spencer chuckles as he dries his hands and approaches once more, taking the square of gauze pre-lined with medical tape from your hand. “I mean, I can’t stop you. But it would be kind of a weird choice.”
“Oh, so me shirtless is weird?”
Cool fingers meet the comparatively hot skin of your back—where everything is still sensitive because the wound wreaked havoc on your nerves there. You flinch slightly. 
“Sorry,” he murmurs gently. Though his touch is so incredibly light it doesn’t really hurt—it hurts much less than when you’re tending to the wound, anyway. It’s almost soothing. After a moment he continues, a bit louder. “And that is not what I was saying. But I am completely comfortable asserting that it would be weird for you to be shirtless at work.”
The gentle touches contrast with his teasing words and serve to disorient you as you’re shaken back in to your usual dynamic. Which is markedly more sarcastic. 
“Well—”
Before you have to think of something to say, Spencer interrupts you. 
“Your, um—I think your… brassiere… is in the way.”
As soon as he says it you burst out laughing. It echoes through the room. 
“My brassiere? Are you actually 70 years old?”
His brows knit even tighter and his face gets very pink very quickly. He can’t meet your eyes over your shoulder. 
“That’s what it’s called.”
“Spencer, you may be the first person to use that word since 1952. Say bra.”
“I don’t want to,” he complains. Your laughter only grows as your head tips back. 
“Why? How is brassiere better than bra?”
“It’s—it’s too colloquial! I’m trying to be professional!”
“Call it a bra or I’m going to rub my dirty hands all over my back,” you threaten, adopting a poker face so he knows you mean business. His eyes widen immediately. 
“Oh my god! Bra! Do you want to introduce staph and meningitis and g—do not do that!”
“See? How hard was that?”
“I hate you,” he mumbles, face still flushed and adorable. “And you still have to take it off.”
“Excuse me?” you grin, pretending to be affronted because you know he didn’t mean it like that but it’s fun to pretend he did. Fun for you, of course. Not so much for him. He's utterly flustered by this point.
“Or at least undo it! It’s in the way.”
With a deeply bored sigh, you go to unclasp your bra—but as you go to do it your shirt drops down. You grimace, humor briefly forgotten as the fabric brushes the damaged skin. 
“I can’t—”
“Okay, just—I’ll do it,” Spencer says. “Just move your shirt again.”
So you do, watching his reflection as he works.
And you have not one joke to break the heavy silence with as you feel his knuckles gently pressing into the middle of your back, as he unclasps the bra with his characteristic tenderness and a surprising amount of agility. It’s quiet except for your pulse in your own ears as he carefully pushes it out of his way, holding it down with a hand to your rib cage and fingertips slipping just under the fabric of your shirt—unintentionally and certainly non-sexual, no doubt, but skimming under your heart in a way that still feels so intimate you’re realizing how touch-starved you are. 
“You do that often?” you find yourself asking, because you’re stupid, and you need to cool the tension before it chokes you, and you can’t help yourself even though you don’t actually want to know the answer. 
“I,” he begins, voice quiet as rustling paper, tongue darting over his lip and eyes narrowed. The sentence stalls as he focuses on placing the patch just so. “Do not think that is an appropriate workplace question.”
Something aches in the pit of your stomach. 
Something resembling jealousy. 
It was not the timid evasive linguistic maneuver of someone who is insecure about the thing they’re discussing. It was not the awkward fumbling no but I don’t want to tell you that which you were expecting from Spencer Reid. 
Nor is it an easy yes—an admission between friends. He doesn’t want to tell you. 
You swallow and try to act like yourself. 
“Yet here you are, in the woman’s restroom at our place of employment, undoing my bra. I think we’re past professionalism.”
“When you decontextualize it like that it sounds like something it’s not. This is professional, because I’m helping you with a wound you sustained on the job. I’m being a good colleague.”
Your lips twist into a smile he can’t see. 
“A great colleague would kiss it better.”
“It's almost like you want me to file a sexual harassment complaint with HR," he says through a little smirk as he smooths the bandage over. Before you can snip back, he steamrolls over his own teasing—you’ve both been speaking in almost reverent tones since he started but his voice loses the sarcastic edge from a second before and reverts back to concerned and sweet. “Does that feel okay?”
You rotate your shoulders best you can without letting go of your shirt or flashing the good doctor to check if it feels secure.  
“It’s good. And hey—if I were going to sexually harass you I would do a lot better than that. You think that’s my best material? That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I keep so many inappropriate comments to myself. You’d be shocked by some of the things I have almost said to you.”
He laughs, secures the band of your bra and begins fitting it to the clasp you’d had it on—and at that precise moment Emily walks in. 
“H—woah.”
“It’s—I’m—I was helping her!” Spencer panics, immediately removing his hands from you like his palms are burning and holding them up defensively. 
“Oh, you helped me alright,” you tease, pulling your shirt back into place. 
“Don’t say it like that!” And then, to Emily, “I was changing out her bandage!”
“Changing my bandage,” you emphasize, winking more than is advisable. 
“That’s—this is a hostile work environment! I feel unsafe!” Spencer almost yells, half laughs, as he scampers towards the door. “I’m going to HR!”
“Shut up! You love it!”
His laughter audibly travels farther away for several moments as he presumably goes back down the hallway to do his actual job. 
You have the stupidest grin on your face, but you wipe it off when you notice Emily staring. 
“What?”
“Nothing,” she says, shaking her head and looking away, moving toward a stall. “You’re just… you guys are funny.”
“What do you mean funny?” You demand, standing right outside her stall as she closes it. 
“Wh—I mean funny! Are you going to listen to me pee, you weirdo?”
You frown. 
She makes a good point. 
Unfortunately, giving Hotch a more detailed statement is just as bad as you’d thought it’d be. Despite how cheery you’ve tried to remain about the whole situation, despite the way you insisted that the wound was so shallow you didn’t need more than a few days off work, despite the jokes you make about forgetting it’s even there because it’s on your back—it’s hard not to remember exactly how the glass felt twisting under your skin, how you’d felt suddenly so hot and lightheaded and sick to your stomach and the way Morgan hollered because he didn’t know how deep it had gone after you crumpled quick from shock, when you’re asked to describe it all in excruciating detail. 
It only takes ten minutes, but they seem to drag on and on and by the time you’re leaving Hotch’s office you feel utterly drained. You hurry back to your desk, covertly wiping away moisture that you refuse to allow to become tears. Once seated, and having dodged sympathetic looks and avoided any do you want to talk about its, you allow yourself a few deep breaths with your eyes shut. 
When you open them, you realize there’s a fresh cup of your favorite tea on your desk, in the Snoopy mug the team is always fighting over. Now his little black nose is covered by a square of yellow paper. You’re already smiling as you peel away the sticky note and hold it closer. 
On it is an adorably odd smiley-face, and a note in familiar, messy looping scrawl. 
I would never report you to HR beautiful
That would be a stab in the back!
You snort loudly and clap a hand to your mouth—but you’ve already drawn the attention of almost everyone in the bullpen. 
When you turn to look at Spencer, he’s not looking back. Instead, his eyes are firmly trained on his computer screen. But he’s got his chin propped on his fist over the desk, and his knuckles are doing a poor job of concealing a giant self satisfied grin. He is the only person on the team who knows you well enough to make such a distasteful joke. And he also knows you well enough to know that it would make you feel so much better after your meeting with Hotch than all the well-meaning sincerity in the world ever could.
Funny. 
Maybe that is the right word for what you two are. 
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