#had this discussion yesterday at my book club

[loveydive]

really feel like trying to omit all gendered language from everyday speech is so performative. SORRY ^-^

[wordsarelife]

—hits different

pairing: isaac lahey x fem!reader

summary: isaac and you both like each other, it just takes some time for you to realize that the other does as well..

warnings: underage drinking

notes: this should've been posted yesterday.. i'm so sorry

"have any of you seen y/n?" isaacs voice beamed off the walls of the large room and both derek and scott turned their heads so sudden, he wondered if he had just interrupted something.

"y/n?" scott wondered "haven't seen her since school"

"well, obviously she's not here" derek exclaimed with a roll of his eyes and isaac sighed.

"i know" he stretched "i just wondered if any of you knew where exactly she is" he widened his eyes to make a point, which was answered with another eye roll from derek and a shrug from scott. "well, thank you for all the help. i'll go find her myself then"

"she might be hanging out with stiles" scott said as isaac was already walking out of the door.

despite scott being not sure, isaac decided that it did not hurt to drive to stiles' house and have a look for himself. he often found you in the company of the boy, which sometimes made him wonder if there was going more than friendship between the both of you.

he stopped the car before stiles house and got out, walking up the front porch and knocking on the door.

"hey" stiles exclaimed when he swung open the door.

"hey" isaac greeted "i'm looking for y/n" he explained, before he tried to take a look inside "is she here?"

stile shook his head "no, she mentioned something about a club, and some other friend that was going with her"

"huh" isaac nodded, with a tight-lipped smile. "thats kind of weird of her, isn't it?"

stiles just shrugged his shoulders and isaac nodded finally.

"okay, ehm, thanks man"

"sure" stiles nodded with a tightlipped smile, at the lack of movement from isaac, he raised his brows "is there still something i can help you with?"

"uh, yeah" isaac smiled uncomfortably "what's the name of the club?"

"the sinema, i guess" stiles replied shrugging "it's the only club around here"

"yeah, right" isaac raised his arm, lazily waving goodbye, before he walked back to his car.

"is there one story that does not involve isaac lahey?" your friend, amy, loudly asked your, trying to be heard over the music.

"sorry" you replied "we're just very close"

"yeah, yeah" amy nodded her head, having heard enough of the boy in the last hour "that's exactly why you're gonna get drunk out of your mind and forget all about him"

"i'm not sure that's how it works" you noted.

"well it does in my books" amy furrowed her brows, holding the tequila shot in your direction.

you took the glass, admitting that you couldn't think of a better solution yourself, so it couldn't hurt to try hers. anything to get your mind of the blonde boy was greatly appreciated.

the night passed by quickly, you were a drunken mess, slurring about everything and anything.

"you know what i find weird?" you asked amy, both of you laying in the sitting booth of the club.

"no, what?" amy replied, a giggle breaking out between her lips. you joined into her laughter, unable to contain yourself, before you quickly shook your head, focusing back on the matter you were trying to discuss.

"well, scott said that isaac doesn't fancy kylie" you began, rolling your eyes at the name of the girl. at the same time you felt kind of bad, she hadn't done anything to you and yet here you were, saying her name like she had ran over your dog. "but if that's true, why is he always sending her these fuck me eyes?"

"fuck me eyes?" amy repeated, giggling once again "i'm not sure that's a thing, honey"

"i'm sure it is, i've seen it first-hand from stiles to lydia"

amy laughed even louder amidst the fact that you had spied on other people to prove your point.

"i think that's just stiles personally" she shrugged.

the thing about being drunk was that there was no way to direct any feelings, when you were drunk, your mood shifted like you were sitting on a roller coaster.

"can you please take this seriously?" you asked, your tone etched in annoyance and frustration.

"but you're being ridiculous" amy shook her head and you sat up, crossing your arms.

"i'm not trying to be" you muttered, the first tears escaping your eyes.

"y/n, sweetheart" amy cooed, sitting up as well and dropping an arm around your shoulder. "don't cry about him again please" you felt bad that it was your fault that the mood had shifted so drastically. both of you had so much fun all night and now you had gone and spoiled the mood.

"sorry" you cried. "i just miss isaac so much and i wish that he would miss me too whenever we're not together"

unbeknownst to you, isaac did miss you just as much as you were missing him.

"excuse me?" the bouncer turned around, raising his brows at the boy that was absolutely not dressed like he was going clubbing.

"what?" the man asked, watching the blonde boy expectingly.

"i was searching for my friend" isaac explained "she's about this tall" he held a hand up, before he continued to describe the color and length of your hair, what you were probably wearing and how your voice sounded "she's really pretty, really nice, most of the time at least" he ended his description.

the bouncer, who was ready to turn the boy away with an annoyed 'do you think i know everyone inside?', paused, when he noticed two girls stumbling out of the entrance. "that her?" he asked, pointing a finger in their direction.

"wow" isaac muttered impressed, before he nodded "yeah, thanks man" he patted the bouncer's shoulder, before he walked up to amy and you.

"isaac" you slurred as you recognized the boy behind amy.

"yeah, yeah" amy nodded "we already discussed him, honey"

"no" you shook your head, pointing again "isaac!"

amy almost sighed in relief when she noticed the boy approaching. even though she had the same amount of tequila shots as you, she had calmed down a bit and was way less drunk than you. she could handle alcohol much better than you anyway.

"hey" isaac smiled with a lopsided grin.

"isaac!" you slurred once again and the blonde boy laughed at your excitement.

"do you think you could take her home?" amy asked "my boyfriend just came and we want to stay a bit longer. i'd invite the both of you along, but i think y/n's had enough"

"of course" isaac nodded "no problem"

"thank you" amy smiled gratefully, before she hugged you goodbye and pointed her boyfriend out to isaac, so he was sure she was not alone waiting for him.

"bye!" you slurred in her direction as she took off.

isaac watched you in silent amusement. "let's go home, yeah?" he smiled and you nodded, your eyes already halfway closed.

he helped you to the car, all while you put on a tremendous rendition of taylor swifts 'love story'. you missed half the lyrics and weren't singing the right notes, but isaac didn't mind.

"pretty good" he complimented laughing once your singing had been finished.

"thank you, isaac" you smiled at him, dragging out his name. "your name is so beautiful" you smiled before you repeated pronouncing it slower every time.

the sunlight streamed through the window, hitting your face and waking you up with an unpleasant grogginess. your head throbbed, and your mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. slowly, you opened your eyes and glanced around, realizing you were in your own bed. relief washed over you briefly before flashes of the previous night trickled back.

you remembered the club, the tequila shots, and then… isaac. you groaned, hiding your face in the pillow, trying to bury the embarrassing memories. what had you said to him? something about his name being beautiful. you cringed inwardly. you could not remember his answer, nor anything that happened after.

a sudden noise from the front door made you sit up abruptly, the room spinning a little from the movement. you steadied yourself, listening. someone was trying to come into the house. your heart raced as you quickly as you oustretched your hand, reaching for the phone on the bedside table.

"amy?" you whispered as soon as you friend had picked up.

"y/n?" amy wondered. you could tell that she had just woken up herself, her voice almost breaking. "who's that?" another voice asked and you could imagine henry, amy's boyfriend laying next to her, confusion evident on his face.

"it's y/n" amy whispered harshly, before her mouth was closer to the phone again. "what is it, honey? it's the middle of the night"

"it's past eleven" you whispered harshly "and someones trying to break into the house"

"what?" you couldn't see what she was doing, but imagined she was sitting up in bed, due to all the noise she was making.

"someone's breaking in" you repeated.

"shit" amy said worriedly "okay, it's alright, henry can come and-"

before she could finish, the front door flew open. you quickly slipped onto the ground so you could hide behind the bed. "too late" your voice was a pitch higher as you basically screamed in a whisper "they're inside"

"shit, shit, shit" you could hear rushed movements on the other side of the phone "get up, idiot" amy screamed at henry (you assumed) "our friend is getting murdered"

"amy" even after all the years at the side of scott and stiles and every bad situation they had gotten themselves in, you had never been so scared before.

"it's alright, babe" amy tried to sound calming, but failed miserably "we're coming to help you"

"y/n?" a voice called and steps neared your bedroom. you couldn't help the sigh of relief escaping your lips.

"are you dead?" amy screamed and you held the phone away, your ears ringing from the loudness of her voice. "did they find you?"

"well if they didn't before, they would have now" you muttered "i'm alright, it's just isaac"

isaac opened the door, just as you had finished speaking. you raised your hand, waving at him and he walked around the bed, eyebrows furrowed.

"i'll call you back later" you said into the phone, ending the call before amy was able to say anything else.

"so, what are you doing, exactly?" isaac asked, amusement sounding through his voice.

"i thought someone was trying to break in" you shrugged, you saw no sense in lying.

"oh sorry" isaac scratched the back of his neck "i didn't mean to scare, you asked me to stay yesterday, so i slept on the couch and went to grab some breakfast for us"

"oh god" you held your hand in your hands, not being able to look at him "i can't even remember half the car ride yesterday, let alone anything that followed after" you looked down and only noticed now that you were wearing a pyjama.

"you changed yourself" isaac quickly said as he noticed the worry on your face "you asked me to give you a pyjama and changed while i waited in the hallway"

"sorry" you shook your head "i shouldn't have assumed—“

"no, no" isaac quickly interrupted "it's fine, please don't apologize"

you stood up and both of you were now standing in front of each other. "did i say something embarrassing yesterday?" you asked. you weren't sure if you wanted an answer to that, but you had to know.

isaac smiled. "well, you told me that my name was beautiful, which no one has done before, so it's greatly appreciated"

"that's it?" you wondered.

"eh, no" isaac looked a bit uncomfortable now and your smile died down.

"did i say something inappropriate?" your eyes widened "did i say something that made you uncomfortable?"

"no, but" isaac looked out of the window behind you, his cheeks reddening more and more "you said that you really really liked me"

your eyes widened even more and you looked down in embarrassment. "oh my god, i'm so—" you paused, remembering a very important detail from the night before "wait, why were you at the club yesterday?"

isaac laughed. "i was searching for you, actually" he admitted.

"oh really?" you smiled up at him.

"yeah" isaac shrugged "that's also why i stayed even though i live three minutes away, because i really really like you too"

a wave of relief and something warmer washed over you. isaac's words took a moment to sink in, and when they did, your heart fluttered.

"you... you like me?" you repeated, hardly believing what you were hearing.

isaac nodded, his cheeks still tinged with a light blush. "yeah, i do. i have for a while now, but i didn't know how to tell you. when stiles said you were at the club last night, i thought it was the perfect chance to see you."

you couldn't help but smile, the nervousness in your stomach slowly turning into excitement. "you asked stiles where i was?"

"yeah" isaac shrugged, laughing "i thought you were with him, because i always thought there was something going on between the two of you"

"oh, isaac" you shook your head "that couldn't be more wrong. as i said last night: i like you and only you. stiles is like a brother to me, i couldn't never even, no—ew"

isaac giggled, before he stepped closer, his expression softening. "i'm glad we finally got that out in the open."

you nodded, feeling a sense of anticipation building. "so, what now?"

isaac's lopsided grin returned. "how about we start with breakfast? i got your favorite from the bakery down the street."

your stomach growled at the mention of food, and you laughed. "that sounds perfect."

[melodramaticatheart]

We Have A Deal - Lyra x Gray

word count: 1.2k

book: the grandest game series

ship: lyra kane x grayson hawthorne

requested by anon!

I adjust my crimson dress, the silky fabric whispering against my skin as I glance at Grayson. "You clean up nicely, Mr. Hawthorne," I remark, a hint of a smirk playing on my lips. I’d seen him with a suit on before but never one like this. The color reminds me of stormy clouds, like his eyes. It suits his personality perfectly. I silently chuckle at the wordplay, watching as Grayson parks in front of a valet. The car ride was silent, thirty-five excruciating silent minutes to be exact, it was no wonder why I was going insane making jokes to myself. 

Hawthorne boy had decided to take me out to dinner to discuss the next part of our plan. He’d showed up at my apartment three weeks ago saying he knew who I was and that he wanted to help with my dad’s mysterious suicide, all I want is to go home and regret ever calling him in the first place.

“Ms. Kane, are you going to get out of the car or will I have to carry you out?” I look at my now-open car door and see Grayson extending a hand. I must’ve been lost in thought. “No need Grayson,” I say, staring him right in the eye. I get out of the car without taking his hand. 

The first thing I pick up on is the faint noise of live music. Jazz music. “You like jazz, correct?” I spin to where Grayson is standing, watching me I realize. He looks at me closer waiting for an answer. “Yes I do, I've just never had the pleasure of hearing it live.” I hear the way my voice softens at that last part. I hate how much he knows about me. I was supposed to have the upper hand in this. I quickly dismiss the recurring thought and walk into the club without waiting for him. Sadly he catches up to me in three long strides. I walk beside him silently as he leads me to a booth at the corner of the club. Couples are dancing to the music closer to the back of the club while others enjoy their drinks at the bar to the side. It’s the band that gets my attention most of all. I’ve always wanted to listen to jazz live, but I’d never gotten the opportunity. Vinyls were the closest thing I could get to it. In one word it was electric. “How did you know I liked jazz?” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. I turn to the blonde boy sitting in front of me looking for an answer. “The day I went to your apartment for the first time you were listening to the Time Out vinyl. I thought it would be better to bring you to an environment you could be comfortable in.” He’d picked up on that? I can barely remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but he can remember what music I was listening to three weeks ago? I shift in the booth not knowing how to respond so instead I change the subject. “I’m going to get a drink, do you want anything?” I stand up running a hand through my dress. “An espresso martini,” Grayson says, looking at me. My eyebrows shoot up. “You drink?” “Rarely, but I think I’m going to need it if I have to deal with you all night” I scowl at his response, making my way to the bar. I order quickly, making my way to our table to continue our impending conversation. “Ok, Hawthorne boy, why did you bring me here?” I say shooting him a look. He takes a sip before hitting me with a question instead of an answer. “Are your classes starting soon, Lyra?” I straighten not expecting that. “They start in two months,” I respond watching as Grayson takes a sip of his espresso before setting it aside. “You want to know what my family has to do with your father's suicide, well it’s not that easy Ms. Kane.” “Nothing’s ever easy with you, Hawthorne boy.” I retort staring him in the eye. “But I’m assuming you didn’t drive me thirty-five minutes to tell me that” A sly smirk starts making its way to my lips.

Grayson’s eyes glint in the dim light of the club. “Maybe I just wanted to bring a pretty girl to a jazz club.” He tilts his head, looking every bit the white rich boy persona I imagine him to be. But I can’t dwell on the fact he just called me pretty because he’s pulling his phone out of his pocket to show me something. “I found this in my family’s home, I thought you’d find it interesting.” He holds out his phone to a picture of a file named Thomas Thomas. “This isn’t my dad,” I say flatly after scanning the page's content.  

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive.”

Grayson shifts in his seat taking another sip of his espresso. It was clear he didn’t drink alcohol often with the way his eyes watered at the taste. “Your little riddle and this file are our only clues, at the moment.” He says trying to think of something to say.

I’m about to say something when he cuts me off making me shut my mouth once more. “I have a proposition for you. I’ve been debating it but I don’t see any other way I can help you.” He seems to pause a second before sharing with me his idea. “Every year my family hosts some sort of game this year it’s private. That means we can pick our contestants unlike last year-” “Grayson I know all this. What does that have to do with us?” I cut him off confused with where he’s taking this. He only stares at me. 

That’s when I realize I said ‘us’ as in me and him. A team. I sink back into the booth until he responds. “This year the game is a little different” I watch how he traces the outline of his cup “I want you to be in the games this year.” I can’t help it I burst out laughing, me on an island for two weeks, yeah right “I’m sorry I need a moment, I can’t take you seriously,” I look up to see Grayson’s straight face. The laughter bubbles up again. I wipe at the tears in my eyes before taking a sip of my wine. “No” “Why not? You’d be getting paid, you’d be comfortable, and we would be close so we could work together to figure out more. Plus I’d have more resources there with me.” I watch as he lists the reasons. Good reasons. “Grayson no, I can’t, look they are good reasons but I have a life, I have my mom who would go insane if I didn’t text for two weeks, it won’t work.” I can’t leave my life not when I have her depending on me. “I want to help Lyra I do, it’s been eating at me. And I won’t be able to rest until I’m sure you’re at peace.” He stares at me with those stupid pretty eyes of his. I look away trying to collect myself. 

“If I do this, you have to promise me I'll be able to contact my mom at least once a day.” 

“Deal”

“Ok then Hawthorne Boy, I guess I am one to play games after all.”

⊹‿︵‿୨ི୧‿︵‿⊹

THATS THAT ME ESPRESSO

this is my longest one shot ever but idk i hate my writing 😭

taglist: @heqrtlcss, @reminiscentreader, @urbanflorals, @lyrakanefanatic, @mrswarnerxo

[accio-victuuri]

an analysis : Xiao Zhan + The Moon & Sixpence 🌖

as usual with xzs videos like the one just released, you can make an entire thesis into the possible meanings of every chapter and frame. add it’s relation to xz and if you’re a pro, go deep into the techniques they used in shooting and editing. this one tho is centered around the theme of “the moon and sixpence” which is a book xz recommended before. I saw a few articles linking this to the elements on the vlog and so i looked into it.

i have lightly talked about some elements from the vlog yesterday but focused more on the quotes that appeared and the music chosen.

it’s been years since he mentioned this book and he didn’t even say that it’s his all-time-favorite. for example, the van gogh elements, we expect that already to be a recurring theme. as well as the moon, but this one has another connection to it. i am honestly curious where his headspace is at, and why, in this specific point in time he felt so close to the message of that book or some parts of it.

let me start with a synopsis and the book is available on googlebooks if you wanna try it out like i did. 🔖

with the plot alone, you can get a sense of why he would like it. at the time he read it, he was not yet the superstar xiao zhan that we know now. and this is why i guess he related to it more now. especially the sacrifices he has to make for the path he has chosen. this was evident in his GQ cover story interview where he compares himself to his other friends and how they have normal lives. the books is written in the first person POV of narrator who is looking into the stockbroker turned artist Charles Strickland. you get to see the thoughts of the narrator and how he views the main character of his story. the way i see it, the narrator is “Xiao Zhan the person” and how he sees “Xiao Zhan the public personality”. this concept of two sides to him was opened up in his esquire cover story and i can’t help but think it relates to this story.

i will be heavily quoting passages from the book that attracted me and i personally thought relates to xz. this is my personal interpretation only.

The greatness of Charles Strickland was authentic. It may be that you do not like his art, but at all events you can hardly refuse it the tribute of your interest. He disturbs and arrests.

the story starts of with this line and well isn’t this one way to describe xiao zhan? he has always been described as authentic and the “real deal” as far as idols and actors go. not many people are expected to like him or be part of his fan club and chase him — however, one thing is clear: he disturbs and arrests. his popularity is something that is unheard of and many artist and companies try to replicate. he is a disturbance to the norm in c-ent and why he is a constant target. it’s his biggest asset and liability. something like MFW and stepping out of his home is also expected to attract all kinds of attention. He is aware of that.

“His faults are accepted as the necessary complement to his merits. It is still possible to discuss his place in art, and the adulation of his admirers is perhaps no less capricious than the disparagement of his detractors; but one thing can never be doubtful, and that is that he had genius. To my mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; and if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”

this is in the POV of the narrator, describing the artist he is writing a book about, Charles Strickland. the message of this quote is similar to the one i mentioned above. xz is not perfect and people, specifically his fans should accept that. it’s what makes him more real. through his wins and losses, he is still xiao zhan.

“It is a salutary discipline to consider the vast number of books that are written, the fair hopes with which their authors see them published, and the fate which awaits them. What chance is there that any book will make its way among that multitude? And the successful books are but the successes of a season. Heaven knows what pains the author has been at, what bitter experiences he has endured and what heartache suffered, to give some chance reader a few hours’ relaxation or to while away the tedium of a journey. And if I may judge from the reviews, many of these books are well and carefully written; much thought has gone to their composition; to some even has been given the anxious labour of a lifetime. The moral I draw is that the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”

this next passage makes me think of the projects he has done and what it must feel like for him. there are a lot of dramas/movies that come out every year and what we repeatedly hear from xz is that he only wishes to bring good works. something people will enjoy and appreciate— never mind the popularity that comes with it. he just finished filming a big project LOCH which i can only imagine is so stressful to him. and now is working on another historical drama.

he is someone who immerses himself in the character and once it’s done, it must be a huge weight off his shoulder. like what is said — seek reward in the pleasure of work and in release from the burden of his thoughts.

“Then, what in God’s name have you left her for?’

‘I want to paint.’

I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.

‘But you’re forty.’

‘That’s what made me think it was high time to begin.’

i think this one is pretty self explanatory, how he started in the entertainment circle a little bit later in his life. compared to his peers. but the answer was simple to him as it was with Strickland, in his case, “i want to sing.”

‘I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.”

this message seems similar to the one quoted on the vlog about about the rivers and small streams. in this one, it emphasizes how one should not be afraid to take the small step of “swimming badly” in hopes that someday they will wade the waters more efficiently.

“But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him”

If there was something in this book the describes XZ so perfectly — it is this one. I think he is not devoid of over thinking about what people say or being a people pleaser. but in recent times, i am seeing a change in him and how he is more calm. a freedom in the way he speaks, the truths he is no longer holding back. he is not afraid to be different anymore.

which led to that GUCCI outfit. LOL! 🤣🤣🤣

‘Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on.’

‘That’s a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn’t want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing.”

so true. a great majority wouldn’t and couldn’t do what he does. just looking at the chapters in the vlog, from going to a distant place and dealing with the MGW chaos. after that, being only afforded a small time to decompress and sit. to enjoy the sunset. that’s what his life is.

“I don’t pretend to be a great painter’, he said. ‘I’m not a Michael Angelo, no, but I have something. I sell. I bring romance into the homes of all sorts of people. Do you know, they buy my pictures not only in Holland, but in Norway and Sweden and Denmark? It’s mostly merchants who buy them, and rich tradesmen. You can’t imagine what the winters are like in those countries, so long and dark and cold. They like to think that Italy is like my pictures. That’s what they expect. That’s what I expected Italy to be before I came here.”

i would guess this is how he sees his work. he never claimed to be the best, you can see that with how he always mentions wanting to be better. he wants to give the people a positive view of life. which i can clearly see from the vlogs even, makes you wanna go where he visited.

“A man’s work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”

another one that i think describes xz. his little actions that we see reveal his true self —- the gentle, funny and dorky xiao zhan which is a contrast to the character he sometimes has to portray. it’s when we talk about his duality, the way he was posing and “game face on” for GUCCI but when he did the interview you can see the dorky xiao zhan 😂

there are times that xiao zhan merges some of the qualities of his celebrity side and i think it’s perfectly person. it is a huge part of his life, and the way i see it, his experiences only make him a better person.

“I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage.

They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known.

Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.

Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.

Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth.

Here at last he finds rest.”

read that again. it’s a lovely way to put into words what i imagine is something that not only xz goes through. we know what kind of environment and country he lives in, i’m not trying to get political but you get the point. being a celebrity or public personality like him is vastly different from how it is with the rest of the world. i have always admired how he handles it all with grace, how he he willingly accepts the responsibility and burden of being who he is. and that’s why i was also surprised by his answer when asked about a parallel world and he answers about a superpower where he can make it possible to have no disputes in the world. being in that place, with lots of people around, from different parts of the world probably made him think more about this topic. aside from eating pizza and being his usual beautiful self, he was thinking about some serious issues too.

chapter 1 was about going to a distant place but not really, there was something in that place and experience that feels like a home he longs for.

alternate explanation, this can also mean him living his life as a graphic designer, and then spreading his wings into a different industry — being the place he has sought. but considering the time this was released and where he is now at life, i’m thinking it’s more of the former.

so busy yearning for the moon that he never saw the sixpence at his feet. 🪙

this imagery at the end of the vlog + the coin he holds + the quote fits so well together. the way i see it, XZ is doing both. he appreciates the moon, he looks up to it but he doesn’t miss to see and hold the sixpence. it’s why he is holding on to it, in some, it was even rolling on it’s own towards him. and it’s not just the proverbial sixpence. he is seeing and appreciating his surroundings —- the egg he ate, laundry, bike etc.

as a fan, this is actually comforting to me. the book itself is not the happiest, which makes sense cause xz prefers melodramatic to downright tragic stories. but it shows a realistic view of what some goes through to pursue their dreams. it’s not as glamorous as what we see on tv or the internet. but the end of the vlog, shows that xz is keeping a balance. he is not just busy looking up at the moon— he is also living his life.

-END.

I first knew about the connection of the vlog to the book via 辉夜姬不叽 and i got hooked into writing something about it and reading the source material. i also liked @resonancewitness interpretation of the vlog, particularly the lines in starry starry night.

[iamatinydinosaur]

🍀Clay🍀

I like you

Ever Since Clay found out he liked you, he had been doing everything in his power to understand what Love is. He's never experienced, didnt even dabble. He asked Branch and Bruce about what he should do, he started reading romance novels and even went as far as observing couples without them knowing.

"Hey Y/N!" He exclaimed walking up to you. You turned round. You were busy trying to fix one of the Putt Putt Trolls comforter as your quite skilled in crochet and knitting. "Hey Clay, give me a minute I'm nearly done... There!" You exclaimed standing up and folding the comforter. "Wanna go for a walk." He said as you walked to the Putt Putt Troll's pod. "Hmm sure, where?" You asked knocking on the door. "The forest." He asked as you handed over the comforter. The Troll thanked you, hugging you tightly. You smiled and waved goodbye as you walked away with your tall best friend. "Okay, let me go pack a bag. Wait here." You said before running to your pod. You came back with supplies. You two stopped at Branch's bunker so he could pack his own supplies and then you two set off.

You two walked together discussing possible sad book club books, trips you want to take and just catching up since you guys haven't seen each other that much for the past few days. "Then Poppy and Viva accidentally dropped the glitter bomb and I got covered. It took me 3 hours to get everything completely off." You pouted as Clay chuckled. "It's not funny, I still sometimes sneeze glitter!" You jabbed him in the side, making him wince. You two had been walking for about two hours at this point. You came across a beautiful river.

You sat down and you both pulled out a water bottle. You quickly pulled out a small bag. "I made your favorite cookies yesterday, I was gonna find you today to give them to you. So I thought just to bring them." You smiled down at him, being sat on a higher rock. He smiled brightly. He took out a Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip cookie. He made a moaning noise as he tasted it. Not noticing you blushing from the noise. "They're so good." He smiled offering you one. You took it. Clay looked up. You looked gorgeous today. You wore your hair with some plaits running through it, you wore your favourite floral dress and you smiled while humming. You always did that when you ate something you love.

Clay found your little mannerisms cute. When you tap you foot silently when knitting, when your nose scrunches when your judging someone (mainly his brothers), how your eyes sparkle when you speak about the two sister who are you best friends and how when you are thinking about a problem you have you always chew on the pen you're holding.

You looked up at him noticing him staring. "What have I got something on my face?" You asked brushing at it. Clay's heart rate quickened. Why is it that everything you do is cute? He stood up. He's so tall that he's the same height as you, even though youre on a higher rock. "Yeah lean forward I'll get it." He said. You leant forward waiting for him to get it off. He took you by your face and kissed you gently. He pulled away and placed his forehead on yours. "I like you." He whispered. You smiled and leant forward kissing him again while sliding down the rock onto his. You wrapped your arms around his neck, while he wrapped his around your waist. "I like you too." You mumbled into his lips. He smiled, deepening the kiss.

...

"Wait did I not have something on my face?"

A/N: ehhhhhhh!!! He's so cute. I love him

[ineffable-opinions]

BL: Romancing in a Bubble?

As always, please let me know if you have suggestions, critiques, comments or corrections.

I will only be discussing BL broadly (here I use BL as an umbrella term) and not just live action. I don’t want to club together BL and GL since in spite of their shared roots they are very different in their genre conventions, target demographics, and history. Also, I am not very familiar with it.

I consider BL a genre in itself – practically well as the way Masala is a cinema genre.

Please check the content/trigger warnings before diving into the works I have mentioned below. Feel free to message or ask.

BL / romance

I don’t think BL is romance or even a sub-genre of romance. A lot of BL is romance. Many more of them have at least a romantic side to them. There is enough overlap between those genres to give the impression that BL is romance. (I remember the discussion Killing Stalking had prompted.)

But there are plenty of BL devoid of romance. Like One Room Angel, Social Reform Season, and The Orc Bride. Similarly, BL is not exactly a porn sub-genre even though there are plenty of ero-BL.

Also, there are plenty of BL where romance takes backseat such as The Night Beyond the Tricornered Window, Blue Morning, Brother, Lawless Gangster and Thousand Autumns.

BL / queer

Queer – Can I call it a genre the way I call BL a genre? Even if one were to ignore queer as method in academia, it is still so complex.

Let me quote Taiwanese tongzhi (queer) author Chiang-Sheng Kuo:

[W]hat exactly is queer literature? Is it queer literature if queer people like to read it, or is it only queer literature if there are queer characters in the books? Or is it an appendage of the queer movement? If a queer author writes a book without queer characters, does that represent a certain aspect of queer culture?

(You can find the whole interview here.)

I think the problem persist even when I think of queer as a label.

Then there is the issue with conception of “queerness” itself. Like, in a way it is a limiting term. Is it fair to call normative or customary male-male erotic practices such as masti and Launda Naach, “queer” just because that’s how it is perceived elsewhere now?

To quote what Kaustav Bakshi wrote in Writing the LGBTIHQ+ movement in Bangla:

In the last decade, the question of decolonizing queer epistemologies was being raised periodically, whereby queer politics, despite having a shared agenda of toppling heteronormativity, and queer culture, albeit having a shared aesthetics, became more and more regionalist – not in a negative sense – but, with implications of difference, which can be interpreted and understood only when one subjectively experiences the ‘region’ with respect to gender, class, caste, ethnicity, physical and intellectual ability, access to education, metropolitan cultures, and most importantly, the internet.

[T]he attraction towards the launda is not understood as ‘queer’ – non-normative or out of the ordinary – but, as an integral part of sexual life, which is not always compulsively alert to the heterosexual-homosexual binary.

Imo, decolonizing queer epistemologies comes in handy when discussing BL since there are plenty of BL dealing with:

Historical BL set in eras and locations that had customary male-male sexualities and practices.

BL with special settings, like omegaverse, with different (if any) idea of queerness.

BL / other queer content

Just as Japan has gei-comi, and other manga like Shoujo Manga Artist Minamoto-San Comes Out, and Kieta Hatsukoi (shoujo), What Did You Eat Yesterday and My Brother's Husband (seinen) beside BL manga, different countries offer diversity in queer content with noticeable overlap. But clubbing them together would not be easy. Moreover, this diversity is as much cross-sectional as it is temporal (tanbi, JUNE, shonen ai, yaoi, BL in Japan).

BL the main difference between BL and other queer genres is BL’s focus on moe (affect). Anyway, BL predates LGBTQ+ acronym. It predates de-pathologization of homosexuality in many BL creating regions. Fu-people (BL fans) were creating BL before mainstream media started representing queer people in media. Fu-people battled state and its censors everywhere along with queer people. Live action BL is commercialized and we get mostly feel-good content. But that is capitalism (and the State) reaping the dividends of decades of fu-people’s labor of love.

I wonder if it is apt to consider BL the way western queer shows (such Verbotene Liebe, Queer as Folks, Os Nossos Dias and SKAM) as benchmark when discussing BL? Won’t it be better to evaluate consider BL in relation to local non-BL queer content in BL producing countries? But then, there are BL inspired by western queer culture such as Partners by Tamaki Yura.

Here are three gei-comi that I recommend for BL audience, through which they can get an insight into non-BL queer manga from Japan (created with androphilic men as target audience) :

Fire Code by Ichikawa Kazuhide

Fisherman's Lodge by Gengoroh Tagame

Coming Home by Go Fujimoto

Here is my BL versus gei-comi list which I think highlights their differences and similarities (I have included only Gengoroh Tagame’s works since they are probably the easiest to access/buy/borrow):

Do You Remember South Island P.O.W. Camp? by Gengoroh Tagame || Hitori de Yoru wa Koerarenai by Matsumoto Yoh

Arena by Gengoroh Tagame || Jinx by Mingwa

Cretian Cow by Gengoroh Tagame || The Orc Bride by Madobuchiya (Nishin)

Uo to Mizu by Gengoroh Tagame || Terpenoid by Okadaya Tetuzoh

My Brother's Husband by Gengoroh Tagame || The Story of My Brother by Ike Reibun

There is lot of overlap between BL and gei-comi. Gengoroh Tagame first published in JUNE (a magazine that contributed to BL we know now). There are magazines and anthologies (Nikutaiha BL) that offer crossover between different streams of queer content.

Similarly, there are danmei (Chinese BL) novel written by queer men such as the autobiographical works: Six Records of a Floating Life and Waiting Until 35 Years Old by NanKang BaiQi and Bei Cheng Tian Jie (北城天街) by FeiTian YeXiang.

BL / Queerness - exploration and conflict

Here are some live action BL (I’m not including some of the more famous ones like TharnType and Wedding Plan) where plot is rooted in character’s queerness and its exploration or implications:

Lan Yu – first danmei to get live action adaptation. The central conflict is rooted in the queerness of its characters, particularly Chen HanDong.

A Round Trip to Love and Irresistible Love – based on danmei by Lan Lin. These are part of a shared universe. The former has both ‘coming out’ (Cheng Yichen) and ‘leaving home’ (Lu Feng). In the latter, all the conflict is rooted in compulsory heterosexuality and we get the perspective of not only an amphiphilic (bisexual) man (Xie Yan) but also an amphiphilic woman (Xia Jun) of the same social class.

Boys Love: The Movie

No Touching At All (2014)

Udagawachou de Matteteyo (2015)

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese

Sing in Love (2022) – Queerness is part of the main conflict.

Mood Indigo

Life: Senjou no Bokura

Light on Me

I don’t keep track of these things usually, so this is based off memory.

In Japan, most BL has dealt with the struggles of being queer in a largely heterosexist society since the days of tanbi and shonen-ai (such as Zankoku Na Kami Ga Shihai Suru by Hagio Moto). JUNE gained notoriety for focusing on it and yaoi boom was movement away from that. Then yaoi gained notoriety for existing in a bubble. When BL started to treat heterosexism in society as a part of the narrative, it garnered praise for being ‘transformative’.

BL has managed to carry within it different modes of identity and queerness.

Take Okane ga Nai (No Money) by Hitoyo Shinozaki and Toru Kousaka for example.

It is often held up as the epitome of all that is wrong with BL (or yaoi as anglophone fandom calls it). What’s less talked about is the main character, Ayase Yukiya’s queer angst and his exploration of identity that spans several volumes of the manga series. Kano on the other hand doesn’t struggle with his identity at all since his attraction to Ayase is driven by a very strong, initially unreciprocated emotional connection dependency (formed when his father died and he was at his lowest). For him, sexuality is merely a form of expression of his attraction for Ayase. Therefore, it does not inform his identity in anyway.

Within cannon, Someya and Honda’s pairing offer contrast to Ayase and Kano’s pairing. In a way, Kano and Someya have post-queer and pre-queer identities, respectively. Someya is a self-actualized person who mentors other queer characters (club staff, Ayase, Honda, Kano). There is a lot of give and take that happens between Ayase and all the queer people he meets at Someya’s club. Ayase's and Honda’s struggles with identity and sexuality are juxtaposed with Kano's and Someya's self-assured disposition.

That is also why I don’t think I Told Sunset About You stands out much. It can easily fit into the BL fold because there are plenty of BL that approached the same theme as I Told Sunset About You in a similar fashion (including these live action BL: His - Koisuru Tsumori Nante Nakatta, Life: Senjou no Bokura and The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese).  

I recommend the danmei novel Sissy by Shui QianCheng, the author of the works Beloved Enemy, My Stand-In and Meet You at the Blossom are based on, for a more detailed exploration of heterosexism, including femmephobia and homophobia.

Sissy, Beloved Enemy and Professional Body Double (the novel My Stand-in is based on) are all part of 188 group (a shared universe of novels).

There are plenty of other BL from other region that are focus on themes such as heterosexism and compulsory heterosexuality. Here is such a one-shot: Romantic by Motoni Modoru (part of the anthology Tanbishugi).

BL / terms

I like BL and associated terms like danmei because of the culture and the history associated with those terms. Tanbi and danmei are different readings of same characters 耽美 but they represent very different things. Shonen-ai literally translate to boy(s) love but that term (or BRM (boys’ romantic manga) as Emiko Nozawa puts it) carries within it so much history and specific artistic styles and sensibilities. Waai is derived from yaoi/yuri but there are fu-cultural processes, very different from that of yaoi creation, behind the production of Y-novels. I learned a lot from exploring these words alone.

[amazing-spider-man-book-club]

Officially announcing The Amazing Spider-Man Book Club with @frankendykes-monster and @duel1971

@frankendykes-monster : Hello out there all future readers! This new blog is going to serve as coverage for the entirety of Steve Ditko and Stan Lee's run on The Amazing Spider-Man from 1962 - 1966. I had wanted to do something big for Tumblr for years now given the enthusiasm surrounding the character on here juxtaposed with a certain lack of interest for the "source text" of the character. Some of my plans were pretty dry before I decided that we should read and discuss every issue alongside you!

Some points to note:

We will cover Spider-Man's appearances in Amazing Fantasy #15, Amazing Spider-Man #1 - 38, and Amazing Spider-Man Annual 1 - 2. When Ditko leaves the title, so do we. This is not to say Spider-Man sucks afterwards (like some Ditko partisans out there would have you believe...) but rather because Ditko's departure from the title and John Romita Sr. stepping in represents an entirely new creative era that, by Romita's own admission, was built on what Ditko had already done. This is covering the body of work that is the "foundation" of Spider-Man, nothing more. Every post will include an online link to the issue in question so you can read alongside us.

This is for fun. This means some of our commentary may not the most insightful or some of our sources may not be credited beyond "it is known." As of right now I don't personally have access to the entirety of Ditko's writings on the subject of his time here, unfortunately. Along with that there's no consistent time frame when these posts will come out, starting even now when this announcement was supposed to be yesterday but I just didn't feel like it. Annual 1, 2, and #38 will serve as our "year in review" posts so right now we are looking at 41 posts in the future before this blog is complete.

@duel1971 : I've been blogging about comics on this site for a little over a decade. I have no other qualifications except a passion for Spider-Man, and one time, I saw Brian Michael Bendis get confronted by a guy wearing a “kill brian michael bendis” shirt at a con. Excited to do this little project with my bud Rachael.

[theodysseyofhomer]

percy jackson book club: sea of monsters edition yesterday evening (context: i'm a librarian, my coworker and i run it for the tweens). there was no book discussion because we used the whole hour making clay monster sculptures. because of who i am as a person, i wrote up a little odyssey trivia. one of the questions was "true or false: odysseus was a demigod," which tripped most of them up; had an exchange with one kid that was like

"what? was he a god then?" "he was 100% mortal" "then how did he do all that stuff 🤔" "he was really, really cool"

[the-himawari]

A3! Sakisaka Muku - Translation [SSR] MANKAI Treasure (2/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Muku: (This should be the place, I think…)

Sakyo: …

Muku: ! —Good afternoon, Sakyo-san.

Sakyo: Ah, you came. That was quicker than I thought.

Mukuk: The hint for my treasure hunt was easy to figure out, after all. This came to mind as soon as I saw the sheet. It felt new talking to you alone here, so I remember it like it was yesterday.

Sakyo: Same here.

*flashback starts*

Muku: …

Sakyo: …Sakisaka?

Muku: Sakyo-san! What a coincidence.

Sakyo: Yeah. …Are you studyin’? I didn't interrupt you, did I?

Muku: Oh, no. I’m more or less finished already, so it’s not a problem. If you’d like, why don’t you take a seat here? Did you come here to read some books?

Sakyo: I just wrapped up some work nearby. I finished what I had to do earlier than planned, so I thought I’d read some books as a break before headin’ home.

Muku: Okay, I see.

Sakyo: …Sakisaka, I see your glass is empty already. It looks like you were workin’ hard on your studies. I’ll buy you another drink.

Muku: Eh! Not at all. You don’t have to treat me…! I was just doing my own thing here…

Sakyo: There’s no need to be polite. But if Nanao and the others find out, they'll be clamourin' all over me. So in exchange, don't say a peep to them about this.

Muku: Alright…! Thank you very much for the treat.

Sakyo: Don’t mention it. What do you wanna order?

Muku: Hmm, I’ll get iced tea then…!

-pause-

Sakyo: By the way, the shoujo manga you told me about the other day was pretty interestin’ and worth the read.

Muku: Really!? That’s wonderful to hear!

Sakyo: The drawings were really detailed. The outfits were also drawn with lots of care.

Muku: That’s right! All the scenes were breathtaking and captured your eye. The military uniform the hero was wearing looked quite dashing, didn’t it? The dress the heroine wore also had lots of variations, so I recommended it to Yuki-kun… And he said they were good references for his designs.

Sakyo: I see.

Muku: By the way, the military uniform the hero wears is so popular that they’re selling it as a plushie costume as well!

Sakyo: A plushie costume? They sell stuff like that?

Muku: Yep! It comes in several sizes, so you can dress your stuffed animal in one that fits them.

Sakyo: (Is it that popular? I dunno much about plushies myself, so I’m not sure what all the craze is about. But…) That sounds like merch you’d like, Sakisaka.

Muku: Ehehe. I can’t deny that. I’d like to dress William up one day…

Sakyo: William… oh yeah, that was the teddy bear you own, right?

Muku: Yes! Right now, I’m working hard to slowly save up money to buy that costume for him.

Sakyo: I see. You’re thinkin’ with a plan in mind. That’s great.

Muku: Thank you very much. In any case, I’m really happy that both you and Yuki-kun read that work.

Sakyo: You’re good at recommending the manga you like to others. I naturally felt like givin’ it a read. That being said, maybe we can capitalize on that…

Muku: Capitalize on it…?

Sakyo: As the Shoujo Manga Appreciation Club, it might not be a bad idea to give presentations on the manga that we wanna recommend to our fellow members.

Muku: Presentations…! Wow, that makes me nervous, but I’d be happy if I could get everyone even a little interested in the things I have to share.

Sakyo: Miyoshi gives great presentations too, doesn’t he?

Muku: That’s true! I’d love to listen to yours and Kazu-kun’s presentations too. Let’s discuss it with Kazu-kun as soon as we get home!

Sakyo: Yeah, let’s do that.

*flashback ends*

Muku: And that’s how the Shoujo Manga Appreciation Club started holding presentations every now and then. Both you and Kazu-kun introduce themes that I never would’ve thought of myself, so it’s always fun when it’s time for a presentation.

Sakyo: I think your presentations are intriguing too… But this comes first today. Happy birthday, Sakisaka.

Muku: Aw, thank you very much…! Wow, the wrapping is adorable. Is it alright if I open it?

Sakyo: Go ahead.

*opens*

Muku: …!! This is the military uniform from that work…! It’s the plushie costume that I mentioned back then, right…!

Sakyo: Yeah. It didn’t look like you bought it yet. You can use that money you saved up for another special somethin’. It should fit since I got Miyoshi to check the plushie’s size in advance.

Muku: Thank you so much! I’m so happy! I never thought I’d receive this costume…! I’ll dress William up once I get home!

Sakyo: Pff… if it makes you that happy, then it was worth gettin’ as a present. Alright, here’s your next hint.

---

previous | next

[romaine2424]

Daily Blog June 22, 2023

So that was fun yesterday in starting this blog. I seriously do hope that as time goes by that others will start doing the same. :) I do want to add that in my posts I will be adding some fandom history now and then. Today is one of those days. I may have been a bit self-indulgent. *blushes*

What I'm Reading:

I'm trying to savor the Ginny sorted into Slytherin story I mentioned yesterday. In my first read of it, I raced through it and know that I probably missed enjoying it in it's complete form. I'm on a few Discords and one of them being Harry Potter Fanfiction Club. They have a vote every month to choose what fics the members can read together and discuss. This month they chose for Drarry aideomai's Dwelling. I'd read this masterpiece before but decided to look for a shorter fic by this amazing author. I chose Nice Things. OMG all 22K of this fic is such a treat. If you ever need a warm, dreamylike fic, choose this one. It's an 8th year fic where only 7 of the classmates come back. Ron, Harry, and Hermione are in the mix. Draco is there along with Theo. They are assigned to live in a cottage on the grounds of Hogwarts. The progression of Harry and Draco's relationship is lovely. Read it now or Bookmark it for later when the need for this type of fic hits...as we all know there are times it's needed.

Tumblr Posts of Interest:

I only have one today and that's just because I have a bit to say about it as it holds a special place in my fandom heart.

HD Fan Fair (Career Fair) is open for prompts! They have openings for 250 prompts and so far have 153. Prompt closing is on June 30th. Claiming begins on July 1st.

First of all, I think we need to give a huge shout-out to Fan Fair mod @phoenixacid. This will be her 10th year of modding this fest. I do believe she worked on it even earlier. Anyone who's modded a fest before knows the dedication it takes to see it through. Her co-mod, @sassy-cissa has been involved since 2018.

Here's a little history about this Fest

This fest has been going on annually since 2009, with the exception of 2011. It was conceived by @marguerite26 and myself, with @vaysh11 and Jamie2109 soon joining in. I was unable to mod for personal reasons that first year and only partially the second...after that I pretty much left fandom. Back then, you really couldn't just start a fest when other established fests were already on the calendar. It was considered impolite and it would be posted on LJ about what an arse you were. LOL When hd_inspired closed shop, we jumped in and took their spot in Autumn. Fan Fair started with Career Fair and then moved on to Travel Fair. Since then, they've had Book (books mentioned in HP), Sex, Food, and Pottermore Fairs with repeats for Career, Travel and Food. Both Inspired and then Fan Fair were novel in being a prompt fest as opposed to an exchange fest like @hd-erised (back then it was hd_holidays). We felt it gave greater control to the authors to write to a prompt they liked as opposed to be assigned one, which from personal experience can cause angst and meltdowns. That is why it was called a Fair as opposed to a fest. A fest usually meant an Exchange Fest.

When I came back to fandom, I about cried seeing that @Phoenixacid had not only kept Fan Fair alive but it was thriving. I wrote for it that first year I came back in 2021, and I made a promise to read and comment on every fic and art piece posted for the Fairs. I only skipped one fic last year. It was brilliantly written but was beyond my comfort level for psychological horror. I don't listen to Podfics, I'm sorry to say. When I used to commute hours to and from work, I could but now I don't have the where-with-all to pay attention.

So go PROMPT!!!!! And give tons of love to the two mods!!!! Mods are the backbone of fandom.

For more history on Fan Fair and links to all the previous Fairs and their masterlists, here you go. Fan Fair on Fanlore.

Tumblr Drarry Fic/Art Resource:

Did you know the amazing @snowgall created and maintains a Drarry fanart archive at @snowingalway. She had noticed that fandom art of old was being lost and artists were leaving fandom. The pieces available for viewing are those that the artists have given her permission to archive. She personally contacted the artists to ask for such permission. I think when you visit the sight and view what she's saved, you too will be thrilled and indebted for what she's done for Drarry fandom. Please not she also posts and collect current works, too!

Last Tidbit:

I mentioned yesterday that I'd be reccing a fic today. I'm going to hold off on that until tomorrow. This is long enough. *blushes again*

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Lt. Natasha “Phoenix” Trace — Fluffy Headcanons ❤️‍🔥 | Top Gun Maverick Headcanon

Link to my TGM masterlist

Dancing is weekly occurrence when in a relationship w/ Phoenix. She loves dancing and its better when she gets to hold you in her arms or spin you around. You two are the main attraction when you go to dance clubs. Sometimes when you’re home Phoenix will play music just to sway you side to side.

Whenever Phoenix lets her hair down you automatically love to run your fingers through it. She’s always keeping it up per regulation but you relish when its down in its natural wave. You especially love when its hair washing day and she needs your assistance. “Babe, can you help me with—.” “YES!”

Phoenix loves to cook and is always trying new recipes. You’ll be her taste tester and when its your turn in the kitchen she can’t help but stand to the side and watch you. You are that couple who plan your week’s worth of meals and go to the commissary or grocery store together to get the stuff. But never go on an empty stomach—cause then you leave with your cart overflowing with shit you didn’t come for in the first place.

Y’all are the ones who would host a Friendsgiving w/ the other members of the Dagger Squad. It became a tradition with y’all having a specific theme each year. One year it was everyone had to make a dish that started with the first letter of their name, then another you all dressed up ad Maverick. This past year involved going around the table and unpacking celebrity scandals.

You and Nat are not just partners, but each other’s best friend & cheerleader. In the gym you are pushing each other to get another rep in. When it comes to your jobs you’re both there to listen when the other needs to rant about the rough day they had. “Today the Gs were just too much and it gave me a headache. I was off target by five seconds.” You two are always going out of your way to make sure the other knows they are loved. Even if it small & simple gestures. “I ran you a bath if you’re feeling up to it. I went out yesterday to get those bath salts you love.”

Date night is a weekly ritual. They mostly consist of walks on the beach, dinner and movie night, of going to the arcade since you two are competitive. You’ll go to the fair when its in town or splurge on a concert every once and a while. It’s something you always look forward to at the end of the week when you’re free from nights nose deep in work where you can enjoy time with your lover.

Phoenix is a total book worm, in fact, the reason y’all met was because she saw you reading a favorite book if hers in a cafe. She was on her lunch break and needed a quick coffee to keep her going when she spotted you in the corner table completely invested in the book you had. When she saw the title —and how absolutely gorgeous you were—Nat walked up to you saying, “that’s a great book you’ve got there. One of my favorite reads this year. What part are you at?” You, completely speechless by the beautiful woman in front of you, stuttered out a response. Before Nat knew it she was well over her lunch break after you two fell deep into discussion over the main character. Once y’all became official, you guys would have nights where you cuddled up to Nat just to listen to her read aloud.

If you’re an artist of some form—photographer, musician, painter, writer, poet, etc—Nat would be your muse. Anything that came to your creative mind often involved her in some way, shape, or form. Your memory card would be filled with images of her doing candid things like reading, cooking, working on her car, or simply walking down the street ahead of you. The song book with pages upon pages of lyrics referenced her doe eyes and gorgeous smile. The protagonist/love interest of your novel would be based around her personality. Paintings often depicted Nat or drew inspiration from your relationship.

Rooster and Bob are your closest friends in the squad. Bob because he wad Nats backseater and best friend, and Rooster because not only did he know Nat the longest but also was the first to welcome you to their little family. He’d be the first person you’d go to when asking for advice on what to get Nat for birthday, anniversary, promotion and what not. You and Bob often have deep discussions where he gives wonderful advice whenever you’re seeking a third party opinion.

Nat loved dogs so expect to have multiple in your home. You guys are always fostering to help the local animal shelter—which sometimes makes you regret it since you always cry when an animal you’ve attached to has to leave. You guys have adopted four fur babies and must live off base since on base residents are only required two pets. And there’s no way in hell you’re surrendering/re-homing your fur children. “Wait Nat, they’ve all bonded—we can’t separate them!!” “Then we’re gonna need a bigger house, baby….one with a giant yard.”

[ladyofcrowsandcoffee]

So this drabble was inspired by a prompt by the lovely @faerunsbest and takes place in the timeline where Isadora doesn't end up dating a companion . Rackal and Clairice belongs to @barbwillbrb Ma'na belongs to faerunsbest. Hope y'all enjoy I'm just having fun playing dolls with my friends' tavs

Rackal passed the extra glass of wine to Clairice, his brow creasing with concern.Ma'na turned to face them instead of watching the door pouting slightly.

"Still no Isa, it's been what a week," Clairice said.

"Closer to a week and a half since anyone here saw her. If Dammon says she missed book-club without telling him I'm heading to her place something is up," Rackal said, tapping the table with his left hand.

"Did we get the dates wrong on her trip?

Pinky headbutted the woman who works for her father into the harbor yesterday so she should be at her place," Ma'na said, tilting her head.

" Something just feels weird. She hasn't gotten coffee in the morning with Cal, not been here for dinner, flaked on plans with Shadowheart and Karlach, didn't show up to pick up the potion that helps her surges from Rolan, and more," Rackal said before focusing on his beer.

"Regardless of what Dammon says I'm going to her place tonight. Don't care if I have to break in through a window," Clairice said leaning back in her chair.

Some time passed with them discussing other topics and sharing a few dishes. Rackal kept watch for Dammon, his thoughts frequenting to anything odd from the last few interactions he had with Isa. Only thing that stood out to him was her being upset over her partner canceling date night as they were sick almost three weeks ago and her partner rolling their eyes when Clairice asked if they saw Isadora a week ago. The last one still got under his skin as they were apathetic to the point of callousness about Isa's whereabouts. They were lucky his hands were full. Dammon slid in by Rackal.

"Sorry I'm late, discussion got heated over how feasible the positioning was."

Ma'na looked at him hopeful despite the worry that was starting to show.

"My only update is that she missed book club without notice and Zevlor only saw her for about 5 minutes when he stopped by. He said on his second visit she didn't open the door or come out in the 15 minutes he waited to see if she opened the door to collect the bread he brought over but was empty this morning. Shame as her analysis of the book is something I enjoy."

"Did he mention if she looked sick? She might need some soup or tea," Ma'na said.

" Not necessarily he expressed concern and how he used his body to keep her at the door said it was hell rider instincts kicking in."

"Which means she at least from what he could see was alone and not in any immediate perceivable danger. Still concerning and not ruling out her being in distress," Rackal said.

Clairice shot him a quick glance as if she came to the same conclusion or at least in the same area thought wise. Ma'na paid the tab and cracked her knuckles.

"Well what are we waiting for, we've got a door to punch.”

They made one stop on the way to her place just in case she was sick and not just self isolating. On Ma'na's insistence they added a bird shaped blue quartz piece. The trio moved silently towards her apartment door. Rackal reached for the board where she kept the spare key. Clairice was already opening the door, smirking at Rackal while putting the lockpick back into its case. The apartment was a mess with empty bottles of alcohol sitting on the kitchen counter near a plate of half eaten crackers.

"Zevlor I told you I was fine no need to-," Isadora said, her eyes puffy corkscrew in one hand and a bottle of Marsember ice wine in the other.

She was dressed in one of her flowy sleep shirts and cloth shorts which had pockets. Her buns and braids were unraveling with signs of being slept in due to stray strands sticking out. As she moved it was clear she was somewhere between sobering up and drunk beyond reason.

"What in the nine hells is going on Isa," Clairice said taking the corkscrew on instinct

Rackal was about to check her body for injuries when he noticed Clairice had already beaten him to the punch. Ma'na quietly shut the door behind herself.

"Make yourselves comfortable I'll try to fill you in with a minimal breakdown," she tried making her laugh sound natural.

Isadora flopped on the middle cushion of the sofa. Ma'na sat right next to her ignoring any pleas for personal space. Clairice perched on the arm of another chair while ushering Rackal to sit on the other side of Isa. It took him a moment to realize it was so she couldn't bolt just in case.

"Well for starters we broke up more accurately I dumped them," she said, her voice already shaking.

"Then it's their-," Clairice quickly shut up as if their brain flagged the snide remark as a bad idea mid sentence.

" I had my suspicions that they were... cheating on me so I confronted them," her eyes started watering as she tried forcing the words out.

Ma'na pulled her into a hug and refused to let go. Isadora broke down into a sobbing mess muttering in elvish. Rackal had a death grip on the arm of the sofa already fighting the urge to go handle the asshole knowing the answer about to slip from her lips. Clairice managed to keep a mostly neutral face; the only thing that gave it away was the fury in her eyes.

"Shhh it's okay just take a deep breath and continue, preferably in common," Ma'na said as she stroked her back.

"Well the bastard admitted to my face that they were cheating when I confronted them. They went into details it wasn't just the canceled date night. It wasn't even just one person they admitted to seeing eight people behind my back," her tears mixed with anger in her voice and wildly gesturing.

Rackal grabbed one the hand she was gesturing with as it started to show signs of a fireball forming. He was sure she had control but wasn't risking her hitting some because she guessed wrong on which person was just her seeing double or quadruple.

" You can feel however you need but please don't set something on fire at least here."

" Do you want me to teach the asshole a lesson," Clairice asked.

" No clue I'm still processing everything as I feel like I received multiple stab wounds and had my heart eviscerated from my chest. Their fucking smirk like they were proud of getting caught made me want to take a blunt weapon and smash their favorite carriage or something. So I've been a crying drunk mess since that happened. Literally expected Lia or Zevlor to be the ones to break in first."

She buried her head into Ma'na's shoulder.

"They're a jerk and I'm going to punch them."

"Ma'na please don't I can't bail any of you out for acting on my behalf. It's why I haven't told either sibling. My brother in law literally would find a way to smite him without becoming an oathbreaker. My actual brother would just go I told you so after fighting them. I'm not speaking on what my sister would do but it wouldn't go well."

"Bail implies getting caught. It would be simple and I wouldn't even need to get Keene involved. I'd find-"

Rackal shot Clairice a glance before gesturing back to Isadora. While she shut up she still flipped Rackal off.

" I'm sorry I just couldn't risk y'all getting caught up in this mess and I didn't know I'd isolate this badly given if I wasn't drinking or crying I was asleep.They don't give you a manual on how to handle your partner admitting to cheating or even mention that it can cause wild magic surges. I turned my favorite wine into a damn cheese wheel before you broke in. It wasn't even a good cheese."

"I was going to use the key but Clairice acted faster."

" The spare key was brought back inside when Zevlor left after standing outside for half an hour. I knew both Lia and Zevlor would be back so I didn't want to have them burst in. "

"Knew it wasn't going to be there,"Clairice said, sticking her tongue out at Rackal.

" You're crashing with one of us until you're done processing. We'll do our hair and other sleepover activities," Ma'na said, squeezing Isa into a tighter hug.

" I can't impose like that, I already made you come down here."

" Not imposing it's making sure you get food in you and out of your head. Zevlor's bread and crackers aren't a meal so don't argue that," Rackal said.

Clairice nodded and almost broke into a laugh when his hand left the sofa arm as he almost cracked the wood holding in his anger. Ma'na was holding Isa close while fixing her braids. Isa was holding back another round of tears.

"They don't deserve your tears. You're hotter than the hells and I'm not going to standby with this. I'm taking you to a fancy steak dinner," Clairice said as she headed into Isa's room to pack her bag.

Clairice had an inkling of suspicion that Isadora would agree to go then usher them out under the guise of packing and would find a way to keep them out for a bit. Plus it allowed for anything from the asshole at the top of her hit list to be shoved into a box out of sight.

" I still feel bad I wasn't trying to make everyone concerned. Also Ma'na if you want me to stop being cuddled up on you please let me know. You're just comfy."

" Stay, you need it. But I do have a new rock for your collection once we set up the pillow fort."

Rackal feigned being excited as his mind was focused on how he'd handle her ex as regardless of what she wished as this crossed too many lines for him to ignore. Clairice threw the stuffed bag at Rackal's feet, her eyes saying count me in.

They spent the next few days sleeping on each other's couches or spare beds. Her ex while they managed to avoid Rackal and Clairice didn't think to actively avoid Zevlor or Dammon. Unfortunately for them neither Dammon or Zevlor were informed of the break up within the first couple hours of Isadora crashing on Ma'na's floor. Both didn't hesitate to knock them on the ground with a solid punch when her ex was caught making out with one of the affair partners. Learning from mistakes wasn't exactly their strong suit given they made the same mistake hours later. Dammon only felt bad as he didn't realize his own strength and caused the table the ex landed on to crack a bit. Zevlor only wished he did a follow up punch with his other hand. Which only intensified after he went to break the news to Isa and was filled in on the details.

Last time her ex was seen in Baldur's Gate was when they were raving about a demonic faun creature attacking them in an alleyway and accusing Pinky of being that creature. While Pinky was definitely that creature he played his part of a sweet little goat when the flaming fists came to talk to Ma'na. Had anyone other than Isadora bothered to have speak with animals active they would've heard him saying I'd do it again and they deserved it for planning to ask for a second chance. They didn't learn their lesson with Pinky and sent a letter via singing bard to try to win her back that was intercepted by Clairice. While Isadora can't prove Clairice and Rackal went to kick their ass in the three days they both disappeared. She had her suspicions as Clairice returned some of her missing jewelry that was left at her ex's house and Rackal looked like he gotten a bruise from the world's weakest punch.

[dandelion-network]

had a successful book discussion yesterday with our environmental book club. i wasnt sure if people would like the book i chose (Silent Earth: averting the insect apocalypse) but one woman said it was one of her favorites and a man and son drove in from a different city to attend the discussion and report back to his wife who wanted to come but couldn't. two patrons even asked about the previous books they weren't around for.

there hasnt been a single book that someone didnt like or didnt have anything good to say about it. in every discussion, we (read: i) get compliments about our choices. [there was only one book that my co lead chose but the rest have been mine]

now i have to keep this up and start planning for next year

[magicalrocketships]

For the book ask:

What’s something you read recently and disliked?

I have got a LOT better at not finishing things that I don't like, but we had a book club at work up until recently, and we read Cat Lady by Dawn O'Porter earlier this year and everyone else loved it and I legitimately thought it was one of the worst things I'd ever read in my life. I kept my mouth mostly shut when we met to discuss it because they all got quite a lot from it and all I could think was dear fucking god, being straight and not being terminally online sounds AWFUL. (Sorry if any of you liked this book, it was 250% Not For Me).

ALSO I saw the trailer for Red, White, and Royal Blue yesterday and I H A T E D that book and some of you have been lucky ("lucky") enough to hear my thoughts about it irl, but I also know that so many people get so much from it and I am not the core audience.

[socialfauxpa]

2022 book wrap up

I got a couple messages about what i was reading in 2022 and thought the Storygraph Wrap up feature might be a good chance to post about it.

If anyone is interested in adding me on storygraph, my account username is socialfauxpas

I read a total 36 books and graphic novels this year! I was aiming to read 22 books in 2022 and overshot that goal. Most of the graphic novels were re-reads of Saga catching up for the new issues this year (i am completely caught up as of yesterday). And yes Harrow the ninth is on here twice, i read it twice this year. Also nothing but love for Martha Wells's Murder bot diaries those six books slay.

I'll post some detailed thoughts about my 5 star reads under the cut below.

My 5 Star Reads

Last night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo

Listed under books that made me lose my mind. I read this in January 2022 and its discussions of discovering and belonging to queer community and acceptance of butchness had me legit sobbing at times. And all that is being paralleled with 1950's Red-Scare paranoia ! Malinda Lo was insane for this and I recommenced it to everyone interested in historical queer fiction because it has been rattling around my head for literally a year.

The Starless Sea By Erin Morgenstern

I Love Erin Morgenstern, her novel the Night Circus is one of my all-time favourite love stories ever. Starless sea is a banger too. It comes out swinging with her beautiful prose fantastic protagonists and a novel about the nature of stories and storytellers? Insane. Her wold building and interweaving of timelines is so incredible. I also listened to this as an audio book and the reader was so good at the different characters voices and delivery of the stories it really added a lot of depth to an already rich story.

The Priory of the Orange Tree By Samantha Shannon

Talk about a win for the High fantasy gays, this ones got it all. Dragons, romance, magic, RICH world building. It's what i wish game of thrones was-> a entire cast of characters and interconnected storylines across continents that 1) made sense to its own story and 2) no homophobia lol. I literally couldn't put this brick of a 850+ page novel down and read it in exactly 10 days according to storygrpah.

The Unbroken by C.L. Clark

The review on the cover says something like" this book wil grab you by the collar, break your heart over its knee, then mend it" and Yeah.jpeg. It does that. I love Touraine and Luca, their dynamic is incredible. Adele voice "Its about the devotion babes, devotion".I found this book through a Tordotcom article about The Butch Martyr in SFF, where it talked about 2 of my other favourite queer fantasy series (Gideon the Ninth and The Traitor Baru Cormorant) and i figured anything that is mentioned in the same breath as those two must be a banger, and BOy howdy is it. And ill tell you if i had nickle for every book I've read that features heavy themes of colonialism, of dealing with the grief of a love lost, and loving a culture that will never see you as one of its own, id have about 15cents. Which isn't a lot but it was the hot new trend for books i read in 2022 (2021 was lobotomy).

She Who Became the Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan

Another one i could not put down. I listened to this one as an audio book as well and i was plugged the fuck in. Absolute banger of historical fiction and an incredible GNC protagonist. I feel like ive seen this book mentioned a lot along side Xiran Jay Zhao's Iron Widow (which i also read and liked a lot this year) because these authors have taken real people from Chinese history are playing around with them like dolls. But the way this book talked about fate and how the life you live is an active choice really hit. And talk about a book that is gender, JESUS. You know how sometimes you read something and you can just tell it was written by someone who GETS it, Shelly Parker-Chan gets gender in a way that i haven't seen in a long time.

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Can't talk about books that are so gender without talking about Nona. Yall know my love for the locked tomb series and this torch is still being carried. I've been thinking about the "It’s finished, it’s done. You can’t take loved away." line for uhhhhhh 5 months straight. I can not say enough good things about this series, I could talk about it for literally years (and i have).

[razorsadness]

Early in the week I had a sexy dream about Laura Jane Grace, so I’ve been kinda obsessed with all things LJG since (not that that’s really anything new.)

I had a couple instances of my favorite radio station seemingly reading my mind. One evening, I’d been thinking about the Stooges song “Search & Destroy,” and it came on the radio. A couple days later, driving to the store, thinking about Joe Strummer, The Clash’s version of “I Fought the Law” came on.

I received good news on another of my dear ones’ health scares.

P. got a little depressed and grumpy, as he always does around the holidays.

Thanksgiving sucked, as it pretty much always does. The food was good, that’s the best thing I can say about it. C. woke up way too early so he was cranky, my parents had some big argument about how long to cook the turkey because they are incapable of getting through a holiday (or really any day, but holidays are worse) without some kind of bickering, their moods made C.’s mood worse, he had a meltdown, the stress gave me a phlegm attack.

So, yeah, being around my parents and their dysfunctional dynamics literally made me physically ill. God, it’s no wonder I’m so fucked up and have such a hard time being calm with my kids. At least I am determined to work on my shit, to not repeat all my parent’s mistakes, and when I do make a mistake I let my kids know it was my fault and not theirs. It’s a difficult process and I fuck up a lot, but at least I am trying.

I’ve started taking stock of 2022. I always have a tendency to think I didn’t do anything in any given year (meaning: in terms of my vocations and avocations, and in terms of just living my life.) But then, when I look back on the year, I usually find I did more than I’d initially thought.

So: one of my poems was performed by the Racine Concert band. I had a poem published in Fine Print, which they nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Someone put one of my older poems as a result in a uQuiz. I wrote a bunch of poems for NaPoWriMo, one of which was featured on the official NaPo website. I got to conduct an interview with one of my all-time favorite writers, and write a review of her book, and had those and a story published on the website of one of my other favorite writers. I wrote a brand-new chapbook, and Scumbag Press published it. Wisconsin Death Trip is almost totally sold out, and I may have to go into a second printing. Someone I know has been teaching some of the poems from it in the poetry class she teaches, and someone else I know bought a bunch of copies and he’s going to read/discuss it with his poetry book club. He told me that it’s the type of book he thinks will stand the test of time; he said it’s both such a perfect record of experience and an experience unto itself that it will still be relevant ten, twenty, thirty years from now. I published two zines, including a brand-new issue of Reckless Chants (the first full-length issue since 2019!) I started putting the finishing touches on a revised edition of WWTAWWTAP. I’m nearing the end of NaNoWriMo, and I’ve been working on my novella, the Chicago novella I’ve been trying to write for years, and I’m going to surpass my personal goal of 15,000 words. It won’t be done-done by December 1—I keep thinking of more to add and some of what’s in it right now will ultimately be taken out—but I am finally getting it down and it feels really good.

I’ve written a ton, actually, both poetry and prose—some of it hasn’t been published yet, some of it will probably never be published—but either way, I have written.

Yesterday, C. said to me: “Mom, you’ve written so many things! You’re rich in writing.” I thought he was talking about making money from it, and I said: “Oh, well, I haven’t made that much money from it.” He said: “No, I mean, you’re rich in writing, because there’s so much of it.” Then he said: “And you’re rich in art, too, because you’ve made a lot. And so am I! I make art all the time!” I nearly wept. What a beautiful way of looking at it. Even if we make no money from it, even if no one else ever sees it, I am rich in art and writing.

I made a ton of art. I got commissioned for a couple collages. One of my pieces is currently in an art show sponsored by an actual art museum. I published a few Bone & Ink Press titles and kept the press alive, despite all the difficulties. I made some short films, recorded some spoken word tracks, participated in some zine and poetry readings, tabled at a zine fest, made a podcast. I started playing accordion again. I’ve already got things lined up for the early part of 2023: the January 2023 edition of BONK! Performance Series, which I am both curating and performing in; the Woodland Pattern Poetry Marathon; and an opportunity to teach a group of high school kids about writing and performing poetry.

I kept my family and myself alive, despite some bouts of serious illness and the worsening of some of my disabilities (both mental and physical). I hustled for work and side-gigs and got some help from some kind people, and always managed to make ends meet. I homeschooled two kids. P. and I kept the spark alive in our relationship, even when it was tough. I quit smoking, started again, and am now on track to quit again. (And I am proud of myself despite the slip-ups; it’s a hard fucking addiction to kick, but I consider every cigarette I don’t smoke a win.) I read a lot of books. I cooked a lot of good food. I hung out with some friends—not as often as I would have liked, due to life’s responsibilities + this endless pandemic, but still more than I have since 2019. I took a couple few-day/night trips to Door County, a handful of day trips (Kenosha, Milwaukee, Beloit, Chicago), and had a lot of adventures close to home—long walks around my ‘hood, park visits, beach bummin’, hangin’ downtown, and hella trips to the library.

Yesterday, the library had a Black Friday event. They couldn’t have their usual fall sale due to renovations, so yesterday they did a thing where you could buy a bag for $5 and cram as much as you could fit into it. We filled two bags, and got a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of astronomy books and magazines for C. and some Christmas classics for the whole family and some mystery novels for P., and I got a book of poetry, a book of short stories, two memoirs, an art book, and a Blu-Ray disc of Sin City. It was awesome, and definitely the only Black Friday sale I would ever go to.

Today I’ve been listening to a lot of trip-hop and abstract/instrumental hip-hop. I did yoga this morning. I read some poems, did some novella-writing. I did a bunch of loads of laundry and started packing. C. and I worked on an art project, and there was an…incident…with some gold paint and it ended up in my hair and all over my face, so I took a shower. I was craving a fried egg & cheese sandwich like I used to get from the food carts in Philly every winter, so I made some for lunch. C. and I took a long walk at golden hour, picked up nature treasures; I showed him the way seed pods can make good percussion instruments. Now, P. is cooking dinner, I’m having a drink, soon I’ll be tuning in to this month’s edition of BONK!. Tomorrow, we head up to Door County for our final northwoods visit of 2022.