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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 9 months ago

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By: Beth Bourne

Published: Feb 27, 2024

Kaiser gender specialists were eager to approve hormones and surgeries, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.”

On September 6, 2022, I received mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminding me of a routine cervical screening. The language of the reminder stood out to me: “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” When I asked my Ob-Gyn about this strange wording, she told me the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of their “transgender” and “gender fluid” patients.

Based on this response, several thoughts occurred to me. Could I expose the medical scandal of “gender-affirming care” by saying and doing everything my daughter and other trans-identifying kids are taught to do? Would there be the type of medical safeguarding and differential diagnosis we would expect in other fields of medicine, or would I simply be allowed to self-diagnose and be offered the tools (i.e. hormones and surgeries) to choose my own gender adventure and become my true authentic self?

If I could demonstrate that anyone suffering from delusions of their sex, self-hatred, or identity issues could qualify for and easily obtain body-altering hormones and surgeries, all covered by insurance as “medically necessary” and potentially “life-saving” care, then maybe people would finally wake up. I certainly had.

I was prepared for failure. I wasn’t prepared for how easy success would be.

* * *

I am a 53-year-old mom from Davis, CA. My daughter began identifying as a transgender boy (social transition) and using he/him pronouns at school during 8th grade. Like several of her peers who also identified as trans at her school, my daughter was a gifted student and intellectually mature but socially immature. This shift coincided with her school’s sudden commitment to, and celebration of, a now widespread set of radical beliefs about the biology of sex and gender identity.

She “came out” as trans to her father (my ex-husband) and me through a standard coming-out letter, expressing her wish to start puberty blockers. She said she knew they were safe, citing information she had read from Planned Parenthood and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also confused because this announcement was sudden and unexpected. While others quickly accepted and affirmed my daughter’s new identity, I was apprehensive and felt the need to learn more about what was going on.

Events began escalating quickly.

During a routine doctor’s visit scheduled for dizziness my daughter said that she was experiencing, the Kaiser pediatrician overheard her father using “he/him” pronouns for our daughter. The pediatrician seemed thrilled, quickly asking my daughter about her “preferred pronouns” and updating her medical records to denote that my daughter was now, in fact, my son. The pediatrician then recommended we consult the Kaiser Permanente Oakland Proud pediatric gender clinic, where she could get further information and (gender affirming) “treatment.” Now I was the one feeling dizzy.

As I began educating myself on this issue, I discovered that this phenomenon—minors, most often teen girls, suddenly adopting trans identities—was becoming increasingly widespread. It even had a name: rapid onset gender dysphoria, or ROGD. Thankfully, after learning about the potential side-effects of blockers and hormones, my ex-husband and I managed to agree not to consent to any medical interventions for our daughter until she turned 18 and would then be able to make such decisions as an adult.

Over the past five years, my daughter’s identity has slowly evolved in ways that I see as positive. Our bond, however, has become strained, particularly since I began publicly voicing my concerns about what many term as “gender ideology.” Following my daughter’s 17th birthday family celebration, she sent me an email that evening stating she would be cutting off contact with me.

While this estrangement brought me sorrow, with my daughter living full-time with her father, it also gave me the space to be an advocate/activist in pushing back on gender identity ideology in the schools and the medical industry.

I decided to go undercover as a nonbinary patient to show my daughter what danger she might be putting herself in—by people who purport to have her health as their interest, but whose main interest is in medically “affirming” (i.e., transitioning) whoever walks through their door. I am at heart a mother protecting her child.

* * *

My daughter’s sudden decision to become a boy was heavily on my mind in early September of 2022, when mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminded me of a routine cervical screening with “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” I was told that the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of transgender and “gender fluid” patients.

Throughout the whole 231-day process of my feigned gender transition, the Kaiser gender specialists were eager to serve me and give me what I wanted, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.” My emails were returned quickly, my appointments scheduled efficiently, and I never fell through the cracks. I was helped along every step of the way.

Despite gender activists and clinicians constantly claiming that obtaining hormones and surgeries is a long and complex process with plenty of safety checks in place, I was in full control at every checkpoint. I was able to self-diagnose, determine how strong a dose of testosterone I received and which surgeries I wanted to pursue, no matter how extreme and no matter how many glaring red flags I purposefully dropped. The medical workers I met repeatedly reminded me that they were not there to act as “gatekeepers.”

I was able to instantly change my medical records to reflect my new gender identity and pronouns. Despite never being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was able to obtain a prescription for testosterone and approval for a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy from my doctor. It took only three more months (90 days) to be approved for surgery to remove my uterus and have a fake penis constructed from the skin of my thigh or forearm. Therapy was never recommended.

Critics might dismiss my story as insignificant on the grounds that I am a 53-year-old woman with ample life experience who should be free to alter her body. However, this argument for adult bodily autonomy is a standard we apply to purely cosmetic procedures like breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, not “medically necessary” and “lifesaving” treatments covered by health insurance. Or interventions that compromise health and introduce illness into an otherwise healthy body. And especially not for children.

My story, which I outline in much more detail below, should convince any half-rational person that gender medicine is not operating like any other field of medicine. Based on a radical concept of “gender identity,” this medical anomaly preys upon the body-image insecurities common among pubescent minors to bill health insurance companies for permanent cosmetic procedures that often leave their patients with permanently altered bodies, damaged endocrine systems, sexual dysfunction, and infertility.

* * *

Detailed Timeline of Events

On October 6, 2022, I responded to my Ob-Gyn’s email to tell her that, after some thought, I’d decided that maybe the label “cis woman” didn’t truly reflect who I was. After all, I did have some tomboyish tendencies. I told her I would like my records to be changed to reflect my newly realized “nonbinary” identity, and that my new pronouns were they/them. I also voiced my desire to be put in touch with an endocrinologist to discuss starting testosterone treatment.

Fifteen minutes later I received an email from another Kaiser doctor informing me that my medical records had been changed, and that once my primary doctor returned to the office, I’d be able to speak with her about hormone therapy.

I responded the following day (October 7, 2022), thanking her for changing my records, and asking if she could connect me with someone who could help me make an appointment for “top surgery” (i.e., a cosmetic double mastectomy) because my chest binder was rather “uncomfortable after long days and playing tennis.”

She told me to contact my primary care MD to “get things rolling,” and that there were likely to be “preliminary evaluations.”

Six days after contacting my primary care MD for a referral, I received an email from one of Kaiser’s gender specialists asking me to schedule a phone appointment so she could better understand my goals for surgery, so that I could get “connected to care.” This call to review my “gender affirming treatment options and services” would take 15-20 minutes, after which I would be “booked for intake,” allowing me to proceed with medical transition.

This wasn’t an evaluation of whether surgical transition was appropriate, it was simply a meeting for me to tell them what I wanted so that they could provide it.

On October 18, I had my one and only in-person appointment in preparation for top surgery. I met in Davis with my primary care physician, Dr. Hong-wen Xue. The assessment was a 10-minute routine physical exam that included blood tests. Everything came back normal. Notably, there was not a single question about why I wanted top surgery or cross-sex hormones. Nor was there any discussion of the risks involved with these medical treatments.

The following week, on October 24, I had a phone appointment with Rachaell Wood, MFT, a gender specialist with Kaiser Sacramento. The call lasted 15 minutes and consisted of standard questions about potential drug use, domestic violence, guns in the house, and whether I experienced any suicidal thoughts. There were no questions from the gender specialist about my reasons for requesting a mastectomy or cross-sex hormones, or why I suddenly, at 52, decided I was “nonbinary.”

After the call, Kaiser emailed me instructions about how to prepare for my pre-surgery intake video appointment to evaluate my mental health, scheduled to take place on November 15. The email stated that prior to my appointment, I should research hormone risks on the WPATH website, and to “research bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery risks and recovery” on Kaiser’s website.

I decided to request a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy and phalloplasty. Kaiser sent me a sample timeline for gender transition surgery preparation (see below) that you can use as a reference for the process. I also asked for a prescription for cross-sex hormones (testosterone) as needed and recommended by Kaiser.

[ Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part I

This “Mental Health Visit” assessment was conducted over Zoom. The Kaiser gender specialist started with questions addressing my marital status, race, gender identity, and other demographics. She asked whether I was “thinking of any other surgeries, treatments in the future.” The list she read included “gender-affirming” hysterectomies, bottom surgeries such as metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, vocal coaching, support groups, and body contouring. “Anything else you might be interested in doing?” she asked. I said that I’d perhaps be interested in body contouring. I was also assured that all the procedures would be covered by insurance because they were considered “medically necessary.”

I dropped in several red flags regarding my mental health to see the reaction, but all were ignored. For instance, I revealed that I had PTSD. When the therapist asked me about whether I had experienced any “childhood trauma,” I explained that I grew up in Mexico City and had been groped several times and had also witnessed men masturbating in public and had been grabbed by men in subways and buses. “I was a young girl, so [I had] lots of experiences of sexual harassments, sexual assault, just the kind of stuff that happens when you are a girl growing up in a big city.” “So, you know,” I finished, “just the general feeling that you are unsafe, you know, in a female body.”

The therapist did not respond to my disclosure that trauma could be the cause of my dysphoria. Instead of viewing this trauma as potentially driving my desire to escape my female body through hormones and surgery, she asked whether there is anything “important that the surgery team should be aware of” regarding my “history of trauma,” such as whether I’d be comfortable with the surgeon examining and marking my chest prior to surgery.

When asked about whether I had had any “psychotic symptoms,” I told her that while I had had no such symptoms, my mother had a delusional nervous breakdown in her 50s because she had body dysmorphia and became convinced she had a growth on her neck that needed to be removed. I told her that my mother was then admitted to an inpatient hospital for severe depression. I asked her whether she ever sees patients with body dysmorphia and whether I could have potentially inherited that from my mother. She told me that psychosis was hereditary, but that it was “highly unlikely” that there was any connection between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.

I enthusiastically waved more mental health red flags, waiting to see if she would pick up on any of them.

I’m just wondering if my feelings, or perseverating, or feeling like these breasts make me really unhappy and I just don’t want them anymore!...I’m just not sure if that’s a similar feeling to body dysmorphia? How do you decide which one is gender dysphoria and general body dysmorphia, and just not liking something about your body? Feeling uncomfortable with your body? And I did have an eating disorder all through college. I was a distance runner in college so I had bulimia and anorexia, you know. So I don’t know if that’s related to gender dysphoria?

The therapist replied, “I completely appreciate your concerns, but I am going to ask you questions about your chest, about your expectations. And then I’ll be able to give you an assessment.” She also said the main difference between my mom’s situation and mine was that my mom didn’t really have a growth on her neck, whereas it’s “confirmed” that I actually have “chest tissue.” Furthermore, she said that while “historically there has been all this pressure on patients to be like ‘Are you really, really sure you want hormones? Are you 100% sure?’ We are a little more relaxed.” She continued, “As long as you are aware of the risks and the side-effects, you can put your toe in the water. You can stop ‘T’ [testosterone], you can go back and do it again later! You can stop it! You can stop it! You know what I mean?”

Because we ran out of time, I scheduled a follow-up phone meeting on December 27, 2022 with a different gender specialist to complete my mental health assessment for top surgery.

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part II

During this meeting, Guneet Kaur, LCSW, another Kaiser gender specialist (she/her/they/them pronouns) told me that she regretted the “gatekeeping vibe” of the meeting but assured me that since I have been “doing the work,” her questions are essentially just a form of “emotional support” before talking with the medical providers.

She asked me about what I’d been “looking into as far as hormones.” I told her that I’d be interested in taking small doses of testosterone to counterbalance my female feelings to achieve “a feeling that’s kind of neutral.”

When she asked me about me “not feeling like I match on the outside what I feel on the inside,” I dropped more red flags, mentioning my aversion to wearing dresses and skirts.

I don’t own a single dress or a skirt and haven't in 20 years. I think for me it’s been just dressing the way that’s comfortable for me, which is just wearing, jeans and sweatshirts and I have a lot of flannel shirts and, and I wear boots all the time instead of other kinds of shoes. So I think it’s been nice being able to dress, especially because I work from home now most of the time that just a feeling of clothing being one of the ways that I can feel more non-binary in my everyday life.

She responded, “Like having control over what you wear and yeah. Kind of that feeling of just, yeah, this is who I am today. That’s awesome. Yeah.”

She then asked me to describe my dysphoria, and I told her that I didn’t like the “feeling of the female form and being chesty,” and that because I am going through menopause, I wanted to start taking testosterone to avoid “that feeling of being like this apple-shaped older woman.” “Good. Okay, great,” she responded, reminding me that only “top surgery,” not testosterone, would be able to solve my chest dysphoria. (Perhaps it was because all these meetings were online, they didn’t notice I’m actually fit and relatively slender at 5’-5” and 130 pounds, and not apple-shaped at all.)

She told me that we had to get through a few more questions related to my medical history before “we can move on to the fun stuff, which is testosterone and top surgery.”

The “fun stuff” consisted of a discussion about the physical and mood changes I could expect, and her asking me about the dose of testosterone I wanted to take and the kind of “top surgery” technique I’d prefer to achieve my “chest goals.” She told me that all or most of my consultations for surgeries and hormones would be virtual.

The gender specialist told me after the appointment, she would submit my referral to the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic (MST) team that oversees “gender expansive care.” They would follow up to schedule a “nursing call” with me to review my medical history, after which they’d schedule my appointment with a surgeon for a consultation. Her instructions for this consultation were to “tell them what you’re wanting for surgery and then they share with you their game plan.”

[ Decision-making slide to help me identify my goals for top surgery–flat chest, nipple sensation, or minimal scarring. Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

She told me that Kaiser has a team of plastic surgeons who “only work with trans and nonbinary patients because there’s just so much need for them.” She asked about my priorities for chest surgery, such as whether I value flatness over nipple sensation. I learned about double incision top surgery with nipple grafts, as well as “keyhole,” “donut,” “buttonhole,” and “Inverted-T” top surgeries.

By the end of the hour-long appointment, I had my surgery referral and was ready for my “nursing call” appointment.

Nursing call with Nurse Coordinator from the Transgender Surgery and Gender Pathways Clinic at Kaiser San Francisco

On January 19, 2023, I had my nursing call with the Nurse Coordinator. He first said that “the purpose of this call is just for us to go through your chart together and make sure everything’s as accurate as possible.” Once that was done, my referral would be sent to the surgeon for a consultation.

He asked me about potential allergies and recreational drug use, and verified that I was up to date on mammograms, pap smears, and colon cancer screenings, as well as vaccines for flu and COVID. I verified my surgical history as well as my current medications and dietary supplements.

He told me about a “top surgery class” available for patients where one of the Kaiser surgeons “presents and talks about surgical techniques and options within top surgery,” and includes a panel of patients who have had top surgery. I signed up for the February 8th class.

Within 10 minutes he told me that he had “sent a referral to the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Sacramento,” and that I should be hearing from them in the next week or two to schedule a consultation.

Appointment for Testosterone

On January 27, I had a 13-minute online appointment with a primary care doctor at Kaiser Davis to discuss testosterone. The doctor verified my name and preferred pronouns, and then directly asked: “So, what would you like to do? What kind of physical things are you looking for?”

I told her I wanted facial hair, a more muscular and less “curvy” physique, and to feel stronger and androgynous. She asked me when I wanted to start, and I told her in the next few months. She asked me if I was menopausal, whether I had ovaries and a uterus, although that information should have been on my chart.

The doctor said she wanted me to come in to get some labs so she could check my current estrogen, testosterone, and hemoglobin levels before starting hormones. Then “we'll set the ball in motion and you'll be going. We’ll see you full steam ahead in the direction you wanna go.”

That was it. I made an appointment and had my lab tests done on February 12. My labs came back on February 14, and the following day, after paying a $5 copay at the Kaiser pharmacy, I picked up my testosterone pump. That was easy!

Top Surgery Consultation

On the same day I received my labs, I had a Zoom surgery consultation with Karly Autumn-Kaplan, MD, Kaiser Sacramento plastic surgeon. This consultation was all about discussing my “goals” for surgery, not about whether surgery was needed or appropriate.

I told the surgeon that I wanted a “flatter, more androgynous appearance.” She asked me some questions to get a better idea of what that meant for me. She said that some patients want a “male chest,” but that others “want to look like nothing, like just straight up and down, sometimes not even nipples.” Others still wanted their chest to appear slightly feminine and only “slightly rounded.” I told her that I’d like my chest to have a “male appearance.”

“What are your thoughts about keeping your nipples?” she asked. “Are you interested in having nipples or would you like them removed?” I told her that I’d like to keep my nipples, but to make them “smaller in size.” She asked me if I’d like them moved to “the edge of the peck muscle” to achieve “a more male appearance.” I said yes.

I was asked to show my bare chest from the front and side, which I did. Then she asked me how important it was for me to keep my nipple sensation. I replied that it was important unless it would make recovery more difficult or there were other associated risks. She highlighted the problem with the free nipple graft, saying that removing the nipple to relocate it means “you're not gonna have sensation in that nipple and areola anymore.” However, some nipple sensation could be preserved by keeping it attached to “a little stalk of tissue” with “real nerves going to it,” but that would require leaving more tissue behind. I told her I’d go for the free nipple graft to achieve a flatter appearance. It was also suggested I could skip nipple reconstruction entirely and just get nipples “tattooed” directly onto my chest.

She told me I was “a good candidate for surgery,” and put me on the surgery wait list. She said that the wait time was between three and five months, but a cancellation could move me up to a sooner date. Also, if I wanted surgery as soon as possible, I could tell the surgery scheduler that I’d be willing to have any of the other three surgeons perform my mastectomy. Outpatient top surgery would cost me a copay of $100.

They contacted twice, in February and March, notifying me of cancellations. If I had accepted and shown up on those dates, they would have removed my breasts. This would have been less than five months from the time I first contacted Kaiser to inform them of my new “nonbinary” gender identity.

How Far Can I Go?

I decided to see how easy it would be for me to get approved for a phalloplasty. Known euphemistically as “bottom surgery,” phalloplasty is the surgical creation of an artificial penis, generally using tissue from the thigh or arm.

I sent an email on March 1, 2023, requesting to have a phalloplasty and concurrent hysterectomy scheduled alongside my mastectomy.

Two weeks later, on March 16th, I had a 16-minute phone call with a gender specialist to discuss my goals for bottom surgery and obtain my referral.

During the call, I explained to the specialist that I wasn’t sure about taking testosterone anymore because I was already quite athletic and muscular, and that taking testosterone didn’t make much sense to me. Instead, I wanted bottom surgery so that I wouldn’t feel like my “top” didn’t match my “bottom.” I told her:

But what I really wanted was to have bottom surgery. So this way when I have my top surgery, which sounds like it could be very soon, that I’ll be aligned, that I won’t have this sense of dysphoria with one part of my body and the other part feeling like it matched who I am. So yeah. So I just did a little bit more research into that. And I looked at the resources on the Kaiser page for the MST clinic and I think I know what I want, which is the hysterectomy and then at the same time or soon after to be able to have a phalloplasty.

I told her that I wanted to schedule the top and bottom surgery concurrently so that I wouldn’t have to take more time off work and it would save me trips to San Francisco or Oakland, or wherever I had to go for surgery.

None of this gave the gender specialist pause. After a brief conversation about some online resources to look over, she told me that she would “submit the referral now and we’ll get this ball rolling.”

Bottom surgery would cost me a copay of $200, which included a couple of days in the hospital for recovery.

Phalloplasty Surgical Consultation with Nurse Coordinator

On May 16, 2023, I had a short surgical consultation with a nurse coordinator to go through my medical history. This was similar to the consultation for top surgery but included information about hair removal procedures for the skin on my “donor site” that would be fashioned into a makeshift penis. They also went over the procedures for determining which donor site—forearm or thigh—was more viable.

After only 15 minutes, she submitted my referral to the surgeon for another surgical consultation.

On May 25 I received an email from my phalloplasty surgeon’s scheduler, informing me that they have received my referral and are actively working on scheduling, but that they are experiencing delays.

I ended my investigation here once I had the referral for the top and bottom surgery. I never used my testosterone pump.

Final Thoughts

In fewer than 300 days, based on a set of superficial and shifting thoughts about my gender and my “embodiment goals” triggered by the mere mention of “gender” in a form letter from my primary care physician, and driven by what could only be described as minor discomforts, Kaiser Permanente’s esteemed “multi-disciplinary team” of “gender specialists” was willing, with enthusiasm—while ignoring mental health concerns, history of sexual trauma, and rapidly escalating surgical requests—to prescribe life-altering medications and perform surgeries to remove my breasts, uterus, and vagina, close my vaginal opening, and attempt a complex surgery with high failure and complication rates to create a functionless representation of a penis that destroys the integrity of my arm or thigh in the process.

This describes the supposedly meticulous, lengthy, and safety-focused process that a Kaiser patient must undergo to embark on a journey to medically alter their body. No clinician questioned my motivations. No one showed concern that I might be addressing a mental health issue through radical and irreversible interventions that wouldn’t address my amorphous problems. There were no discussions about how these treatments would impact my long-term health, romantic relationships, family, or sex life. I charted the course. The clinicians followed my lead without question. The guiding issue was what I wanted to look like.

No other medical field operates with this level of carelessness and disregard for patient health and welfare. No other medical field addresses issues of self-perception with surgery and labels it “medically necessary.” No other medical field is this disconnected from the reality of the patients it serves.

Kaiser has traded medicine for ideology. It’s far beyond time we stop the ruse of considering “gender-affirming” interventions as anything approaching medical care.

This isn’t the first time Kaiser Permanente has been in the news for completely disregarding medical safeguards in the name of “gender-affirming care.” As girls, Chloe Cole and Layla Jane became convinced that they were born in the wrong body and were actually boys on the inside. Doctors at Kaiser ignored their underlying conditions and instead prescribed testosterone and removed their breasts. Both Cole and Jane have since detransitioned and are currently suing Kaiser.

The fact that children and vulnerable adults are being exploited in this massive ideological experiment is not just tragic; it’s deeply disturbing, especially considering it has evolved into a billion-dollar industry.

I hope that by sharing my story, I can bring more focused scrutiny to the medical scandal unfolding not just at Kaiser but also at medical centers and hospitals across the Western world. These institutions have completely abandoned medical safeguards for patients who claim to be confused about their “gender,” and I aim to awaken more parents and assist them in protecting their children.

This is completely insane.

Apologists online are running around saying, but she didn't mean it, she was lying, she was pretending...

It doesn't matter.

Any kind of security, penetration or integrity test is insincere too. When security researchers compromise Microsoft's operating system or Google's browser or whatever, "but they didn't mean it" is not a defence to a discovered security flaw. It doesn't matter that the security researchers didn't plan to steal data or money or identities. The flaw in the system is there regardless.

It doesn't matter that it was insincere. Because the workers didn't know that. They never checked, never asked questions, never tested. They had been taught and instructed to never ask any questions. They did what they were supposed to. And the system failed spectacularly. Because that's what "gender affirming care" means.

Additionally, the claim that Beth Bourne committed fraud is an outright lie. A patient cannot bill. They do not have the authority. The medical clinic is the only one that can bill, and they must supply a diagnosis and a medical necessity.

If they didn't diagnose her and just wrote down what she said, then they committed fraud. If they claim they did diagnose her, then they committed fraud, because the diagnosis they concocted was bogus. This, by the way, is actually going on. Clinics are reporting fake endocrine and other disorders to get blockers, hormones and other interventions. Jamie Reed and other whistleblowers have documented evidence of this. Beth Bourne is not responsible for what the clinic does. They have medical licenses and legal responsibility. Not her.

Additionally, anyone who actually read the article would know how she tested the system. She said things like, "I've always been not that feminine. So, maybe I get my boobs removed." And they said, "sure." Instead of saying, "wait, why do you think that?" Framing it as her lying is itself a lie. They violated their ethical obligations. That much is incontrovertible. And it's directly the result of "gender affirming care," where clinics and clinicians rubber-stamp anything deemed "trans" based entirely on ideological, not medical, grounds.

#Beth Bourne #undercover #undercover investigation #gender identity ideology #queer theory #nonbinary #non binary #top surgery #bottom surgery #double mastectomy #bilateral mastectomy #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #affirmation model #medical scandal #medical malpractice #medical corruption #religion is a mental illness

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littledovesnow · 11 months ago

Text

a growing family | part 3

a/n: i told y’all not to worry with the dramatics at the end of part 2!

word count: 2.85k

warnings: canon-level violence, pregnancy, minor medical inaccuracies, stitches.

read part one here and part two here

-----

"Love," Coriolanus sighed in relief, though it was short-lived as he ran his eyes over your body. "Love, you're bleeding."

You looked at your right arm, frowning when you saw the distinct red color dripping from the cut. “Oh.”

Coriolanus darted over to your side, removing the coat you wore to reveal the flesh wound. He placed his arm on your back and directed you to one of the few pieces of furniture in the bunker, having you sit.

“What happened?” You asked, trying to piece together what had happened outside.

One Peacekeeper stepped forward with a first-aid kit, and Coriolanus allowed him to examine your arm in more detail. He simply moved to your other side, letting you keep one of his hands in your own.

The mayor and Commanding Peacekeeper were in a whispered conversation, and from what you could determine it wasn’t going well.

“Hey!” Coriolanus spoke up, anger flashing in his eyes. “What the fuck happened out there? I thought you had the area off-limits.”

“We- we did. The rebels must have had inside information.” The mayor stammered, looking weary as he watched the Peacekeeper stitch your arm. “I do apologize, Mrs. Snow, it was-”

“Don’t talk to her. Talk to me. Tell me how you managed to let some- some shitheads into the square without a proper pat down or looking in their bags.” Coriolanus was furious at this point, not only was his beloved getting sewn together, this had derailed his entire tour to gain trust from the districts.

The mayor wasn’t keen on answering, and the Commanding Peacekeeper looked like he was about to burst into tears, leaving one of the smaller, probably new Peacekeepers spoke up.

“I saw who I think placed the bomb. Looked like one of your assistants.” The man nodded to the mayor, who felt all the color drain from his face.

Coriolanus’ gaze shot to the mayor. “How convenient. Your assistant would know just when and where my wife and I would be.”

You winced as the Peacekeeper stitching you up pulled on the final suture, covering the short line in some gauze.

“I’m sorry, ma’am.” The man apologized softly, tossing the used supplies into a small orange bin in the corner of the bunker.

“It’s alright. Thank you for the help.” You smiled, letting a sigh of relief when you felt a distinct kick in your rib. “The babies thank you, as well.”

Coriolanus swiftly turned around and took your hand, helping you up. “We’ll be leaving shortly, love.”

You didn’t give a glance in the direction of the mayor, who was now in the grasp of two Peacekeepers, tears streaming down his face as he knew what fate awaited him.

“I hope Clementine is okay,” you frowned, hoping all the children from the school were safe with their parents.

“I’m sure she is.” Coriolanus made a mental note to send a personal thank-you to the family of the young girl, with a promise to help them whenever needed.

-----

Back on the train, you watched as your OB/GYN wiped the ultrasound gel off of the wand and your bump, wanting to give you a quick examination following the day’s events.

“Are they all good?” You asked, thanking your husband as he passed you another towel.

Nodding, the OB/GYN placed the wand back in the holster on the side of the machine. “Both fetuses are doing splendid. Though, I do hope you keep the stressful situations to a minimum from now on. We want to minimize risks, as this is a rather high-risk pregnancy.”

You nodded, wanting nothing but the best outcome for you and your budding family.

Coriolanus thanked her, watching her disappear into another car.

Once you two were alone, he rose from his position next to you. “I don’t think you should continue on the tour with me. Too many risks.”

Rolling your eyes, you heaved yourself off of the couch to follow him, much to his disdain. “Coryo, I’m not made of glass. I could just as easily slip back at the apartment. I think I’m safest when I’m with you.”

Coriolanus couldn’t argue with that, and as much as he preferred you safe back in the Capitol with your friends and his cousin, he knew you would be happier with him. “Just, please try and keep yourself away from any danger. I’m increasing Peacekeepers in the rest of the Districts, and they’ll do a personal sweep of the squares before we get there.”

You hummed, soft smile coming to your face as you and Coriolanus looked out along the plains as they sped by, setting sun casting a beautiful golden light on everything. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

You took Coriolanus’ hands and moved them to your lower back, thumbs just over your hip bones. “Can you massage my back?”

Laughing, Coriolanus began to knead the ever-present knots near your kidneys, pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder. “You only keep me around for my hands, I swear.”

“Well, they are pretty useful.”

-----

The following handful of districts were rather uneventful, the only real issues were women who wanted to give you unsolicited advice on pregnancy and motherhood.

Coriolanus had to bite his tongue each time someone said what an honor it was to be pregnant, how horrible childbirth felt, or the post-partum depression and how to avoid it.

They were all topics you two had discussed at length, having plans and even back-up plans for various outcomes. You two were well-prepared for how young you two were.

Currently, you were looking at your reflection in the mirror, silk robe covering your undergarments and most of your bump. You looked at the two dresses behind you through the mirror’s reflection, unsure of what one to wear.

The dress you were leaning towards was a beautiful dark brown, to pay homage to the forestry the district was known for. The only downside was you were unsure if you could fit into it, bump seeming to have doubled in size over the last few days.

“Oh, I can’t wait to be able to fit into my old clothing. You two are causing havoc with my wardrobe.” You whispered, not wanting to wake your husband, who was catching up on some much-needed rest.

As quietly as you could manage, you left the private car you and Coriolanus had been sleeping in, moving to a more communal car, one with phones.

You sat yourself down, dialing Tigris’ number and watching the trees grow nearer.

“Hello?” Tigris’ voice sounded muffled, and you cursed under your breath.

“Tigris, I’m so sorry. I forgot about the time difference!”

“Don’t worry, I was just about to get up anyway!” Tigris replied, a lie, but she knew better than to cause you more worry. “How is the tour? Coriolanus lock you in the train yet?”

Laughing, you twirled a piece of your hair as you spoke to her. “No, no, but I’m sure he wants to. I just think I’d go stir-crazy faster than anything if he did that. I was actually calling to see if you can help me plan something for our return to the Capitol, since it will be close to Coryo’s birthday.”

“I don’t think he’s going to want to do anything other than make sure you’re okay. Isn’t your due date not too long after coming back?”

Sighing, you jumped slightly when you felt a hand on your back, looking up and smiling when you saw the sleep still present in Coriolanus’ eyes. “Yes, but we can still do something. Listen, Ti, I gotta go. I promise I’ll call you in a few days!”

Tigris bid goodbye to you, and you placed the phone back on the receiver and watched Coriolanus pour himself a mug of coffee.

“I can’t wait to drink coffee again.” You yearned for the caffeinated beverage, mouth watering as the aroma reached your nose.

Coriolanus chuckled, taking a seat next to you. “I’ll make a buffet for you full of the foods you can’t have now. What shall we put on it, hm?”

You snorted, leaning your head on Coriolanus’ shoulder. “I’ll make a list.”

Your husband hummed in response, moving to wrap his arm around your shoulders and pull you into his side. “What are you thinking about? I can smell the smoke coming out of your ears.”

Smacking his chest, you looked at the rising sun. “Do you think we’ll be able to finish the tour before I go into labor? A lot of mothers of multiples don’t make it to full-term.”

Coriolanus was silent, the thought had been bouncing around in his mind since you two found out the tour had to be delayed until now. He wanted nothing more than to be back in the Capitol by the time his children wanted to make their debut, having completed the tour to its entirety, but he also knew the odds of not finishing the tour before you became parents.

“I think we’ll get as far as we can. I can always return once you’re discharged and home happy and healthy.”

You sighed, looking up at him. “Are you scared to become a father?”

Coriolanus looked down, meeting your gaze. “I think deep down, I’m always going to be scared of the unknown. But I also know that we’ve watched your sister’s children dozens of times growing up, and they’re still here. I think we’ll both be at wit’s end, but it’ll all be worth it.”

Somehow, he always knew what to say to calm your nerves, even if he didn’t realize it.

-----

You were more than ready to have your body back as your own, as the unusual sweltering heat in last few districts you and Coriolanus were going to visit was getting the best of you. You were all in District Nine for a few days, letting some weather pass before moving on to the next district.

Coriolanus had been keeping an eye on you like a hawk ever since you had experienced false labor pains the other day. He nearly blew a blood vessel when you froze mid-walk in the peaceful fields outside of train station.

It was as if he knew you were thinking of him, Coriolanus walked into the car with a worried look your way. “How are you feeling, love?”

“Tired. Swollen. The usual.” You mumbled, leaning back when Coriolanus began massaging your shoulders. “What time are we supposed to head to the mayor’s place?”

“Well, I’m going to be meeting him in about an hour. You, however, should rest. I can see the bags under your eyes, dove, you can’t keep pushing yourself. It’s not healthy.”

Shaking your head, you craned your neck to peer up at Coriolanus, who was looking out the train’s window. “Coryo, I could sleep for an eternity right now and still be tired. I’ll be fine, if I need to sit or leave, I will. I know my limits.”

Frowning, Coriolanus turned his head to look down at you, sigh escaping his lips. “I just,” he moved to sit next to you, hand going to your bump. “I worry about you, you know. I don’t want anything to happen.”

You could see the turmoil going on in his head, thinking of his late mother and sister. You knew he wanted to avoid history repeating itself as much as he could, wanting to make sure his children saw the light of day.

“How about this, we tour the District’s town square together, and then while you make your speech and all that, I’ll have a couple Peacekeepers escort me to the train.”

Coriolanus mused over the idea for a few moments, hand absentmindedly rubbing circles as he felt a few kicks from one of the twins. “Fine.”

-----

You walked alongside Coriolanus, looking at the buildings as the mayor talked about how he wants to update some of the more important ones. “The schools, the hospital. Our supplies, buildings, they’re in need of some updates. We hope, once you’re elected, you’ll be able to help us with increasing our profits with grain, so we can work on updating the most-needed areas.”

Coriolanus squinted his eyes as he looked at the decrepit-looking hospital, thankful you wouldn’t have to give birth in one of the districts, but back in the Capitol with proper medical equipment and medications.

Thinking the same, you instinctively wrapped a protective hand around your belly, wanting to protect the babies from whatever you could.

“Now, it’s not something we had planned, but would you two like to tour the hospital? I know it’s probably not what you see in the Captiol, but we do need some updates inside.”

Shaking his head, Coriolanus moved to wrap an arm around you. “We don’t have the time for it.”

“Oh, well, perhaps another time, then.” The mayor mumbled, finishing the tour near where Coriolanus would be making his speech.

Thanking your earlier self, you looked up at Coriolanus with tired eyes, letting out a small yawn. “I’ll see you back on the train, Coryo.”

Frown deepening, the mayor looked between the two of you. “Won’t you be staying to hear your husband’s speech, Mrs. Snow?”

“No, unfortunately.”

Coriolanus pressed a quick kiss to your lips and then one to your forehead, “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Knock ‘em dead.” You smiled, following the Peacekeepers back to the train station.

-----

“Alright, Mrs. Snow. Are you ready for your last examination on a train?”

You laughed at the comment, and your OB/GYN squirted the ultrasound gel onto what felt like Panem’s next district. “So ready, I can’t wait to be back in the Capitol.”

Coriolanus watched in wonder as the screen lit up with the ultrasound, still in awe over the fact that he was so close to becoming a father. “Are you sure she’ll be back in the Capitol before she goes into labor?”

The doctor fiddled with the wand for a moment before looking at the man. “I can’t say with certainty, but your wife still does have four weeks before most twins are born. You’re due back in the Capitol in eight days, plenty of time.”

You watched as her facial expression grew more serious, causing your heart rate to speed. “What’s wrong?”

“Well, it looks like the fetuses are getting into position for birth, but Fetus A isn’t allowing their sibling to get proper position.”

“What does that mean?” Coriolanus asked, squeezing your hand.

Looking at you and Coriolanus, the doctor took a few measurements before wiping the gel. “They’re in a breech position. Now, they can move back into a normal birthing position before you’re due, but if they don’t, we will need to go a C-section.”

Frowning, you pulled the shirt you were wearing over your stomach, sitting up with Coriolanus’ help. “Is it safe for them to be that way?”

Nodding, the OB/GYN turned off the computer. “For a little while longer, it’s fine. I want you to call me if anything feels different or if there’s less movement than normal. Now, you’ll start to feel dizzy more frequently, so you need to be sure to hydrate plenty and rest.”

She sent a look towards Coriolanus. “I wish you the best of luck with the rest of the tour, you have my vote, Coriolanus.”

Thanking her, Coriolanus chewed on his lip as he helped you off the makeshift exam table and out of the medical car, back to your private one.

“I really don’t want to have surgery, Coryo.” You mumbled, tears welling in your eyes.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Coriolanus wrapped his arms around you, calming you. “You heard her, there’s still time for them to move back into the right position. I’m sure they will, they want to give their mother a good birth experience.”

You let out a watery chuckle, pressing your cheek into Coriolanus’ chest. “Are you nervous to be heading back to 12?”

Knowing the change of subject was more to calm your nerves than anything, Coriolanus didn’t reprimand you for bringing up the subject.

You had only asked about his time as a Peacekeeper a few times since that summer, and once was to ask why Sejanus hadn’t come back on the train with him. You still had no idea about the cabin, the lake, his last moments with Lucy Gray before returning to the Captiol, to you.

Shaking his head, Coriolanus was brought back to the present when he felt a sharp kick to his side. “That was a strong one, huh?”

You snorted, but looked at him, waiting for an answer.

“I’m not nervous, no. It’s been years since I was there, I’m sure most of the guys there don’t even remember someone who was with them for only a few months.”

Letting the half-answer slide, you and Coriolanus swayed softly as the train moved from District Nine to Ten, both soaking up the silence and peace as your last weeks as a family of two.

-----

a/n: i'm thinking there will be one more part, posted either later this week/early next week.

taglist: @urfavnoirette @aoi-targaryen

#coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow imagine #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus x you #hunger games imagine #hunger games tbosas #hunger games x reader #coriolanus snow

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haggishlyhagging · 2 months ago

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Because I feel that I am a woman, therefore you must treat me as if I actually am, otherwise you are transphobic. As I insist on participating as a woman in your groups, gatherings, or spaces you also must forgo discussing anything about your female socialization, female anatomy, or female functions because it hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings because I was neither socialized as a girl nor am I capable of experiencing what the female body experiences from cradle to grave. But if you speak about this I am then reminded that I am not female, and therefore not really a woman. My experience of feeling like a woman must not be invalidated by your experiences of being a woman, therefore I will shame you for being female, teach you in university to estrange your body from your mind, make your distinct physicality and oppression that is specific to your sex irrelevant in the laws of the land or anything that names our differences until there is only the mind. Now only how I think about your body is real. Mind over body. Mind over matter. Spirit over matter/mater/mother. A woman is anyone who says they are a woman. My word is now more real than your mitochondrial DNA. Accept that by my word, you really don't exist.

-Ruth Barrett, “Gyn-ocide Revisited” in Female Erasure

#ruth barrett #female oppression #male entitlement #tras are mras #female erasure

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tarjapearce · 1 year ago

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Big Sister, Again

"Papa?"

"Yes, cariño?"

"Can you tell Mama to stop eating my mozarella cheese sticks?"

Miguel chuckled as he worked on his computer.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Solecito. But I'll get you a pack just for you, ok?"

"It's the second time we're out of them! And the Dulce de leche too! I tried what she eats and it's yuck!"

"Don't you worry, ok? Get yourself ready. We're going shopping."

"Okay"

----

Needless to say that Gabi was embarrassed at your antics. Kisses here and there, private jokes and Miguel had to buy everything you were telling him. Of course the craving for sweets were running rampant the whole evening.

Gabi counted a pair of corn dogs, one salted caramel ice cream, and some candied nuts. And of course, two bags of cheese sticks and two jars of Dulce de leche. You then had gone to pick up some shirts, got Benjamin new clothes, and Gabi some new soccer cleats for her practice. Along a little gift you had instructed to open at home.

You then returned home and started dinner prepping.

"Lyla"

The automated voice of Miguel’s AI chirped through the speaker "Yes, Ma'am?"

"Ugh, don't call me that. Can you schedule my next appointment with the gyn please?"

"Right away~ Ma'am"

Rolling your eyes, you continued chopping and cutting when Gabi approached, holding a t shirt with wide eyes. Bright white letters on it.

"Mama?!" Her panicked voice only made you giggle.

You'll be a big sister! Again.

Her eyes shone as she reread the letters.

"Are you?!"

"Yes."

"PAPA!!"

She ran to where Miguel was and there was a loud squeal that surely got Miguel covering his ears.

Gabi then returned to you, crying and hugging you.

"What's wrong, mi amor?"

"It's a girl?"

You hugged her and rubbed her back as she spoke in between excited sobs

"It's a girl"

She only hugged you tighter while sniffling.

"Her name is gonna be Rosie"

Lyla quipped and you wiped Gabi's tears.

"Is this why you've been eating yucky things?"

You laughed

"Yeah, your little sister has a sweet and salty tooth it seems."

"I don't care if you eat my cheese sticks anymore, Mama."

"When she starts growing even more, you'll feel it, ok?"

"Promise?!"

"Of course."

Her hands went to your lower belly and beamed.

"Finally!"

----

Taglist:

@pigeonmama

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #atsv miguel #soccer family ⚽🕷️#gabi o'hara #Rosie O'Hara #Blurb #t writes✨#lyla spiderverse

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hadesoftheladies · 3 months ago

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Opinion: We Need to Start Talking About Violent Feminist Activism Seriously

while i do not think that females are as violent or would be as violent as males without patriarchal obstruction, i think it's mostly the emasculation of women (female socialization) that leads to this demureness that perpetuates female subjugation. we often frame femininity as something that inhibits consciousness-raising, but it is actually far more frightening and deeper than that. femininity and its practices inhibit female self-worth which in turn causes women to devalue themselves. this is why women are not accustomed to fighting for themselves, like every other animal (male and female) on this earth. women are so used to "lying down and taking it" because it is something they are primed to do. the danger of femininity isn't just that it deforms our bodies or divides us from each other, it is that it physically and mentally disables our ability to fight back.

i have often neglected to mention alternative methods in my separatist posts, but separatism is not the only way we can enact large-scale societal transformation. it is the only nonviolent way.

the truth of the matter is, as much as we make jokes and fantasize about killing men, the reason most women and girls "behave" when it comes to men and men do not "behave" when it comes to women is because women simply aren't feared, despite the fact that we have the power to become a threat. even in feminist circles such as this, talk of women physically harming men is seen as taboo, as something that can be easily used against us. so we have to constantly disclose that we aren't serious. i think this is part of the problem.

the other word for fear is respect. men cannot respect or revere men they do not fear on some level. in a twisted way, in order for women to become human to men, we have to get scary. we have to hold real power over them and become intolerant to them.

this doesn't necessarily have to be done strictly in violent ways. resisting femininity can range from allowing ourselves to frown and even scowl in public, not being hospitable toward men, not complimenting, affirming, validating or cleaning up after them. but the point of combatting female socialization is resisting the role of women in patriarchal society: sexual object, or in other words, victim. it is the victimization of women that men find especially erotic. that's why consensual sex isn't enough for them. they are fuelled by female terror.

in short, gyns, i'm saying the time has come when we should aim to put the fear of god in these bastards. the only way they will view rape as badly as they view cannibalism is if there is a constant looming threat of brutal social castration. they need to fear social punishment, which is difficult because half of society is made up of men that approve. so how can the other half, women, make it so that the other half are afraid to do so?

which brings us, ironically, back to separatism and also gender non-conformity. in order for women to reach a place where we can defend ourselves using violence and not get taken ten steps back for killing/maiming a rapist, pedo, abuser we need women to have access to ironclad female solidarity.

male solidarity is what keeps the status quo intact, and female solidarity is its only worthy counterpoint. the reason patriarchy is so strong is because of female solidarity with males rather than intra-community solidarity. this is the weak point of patriarchy, it's over-dependence on women on a cellular level. society as we know it, patriarchal or not, will fall to shit if women refused to participate in its core structures. literally the only reason children are still being born, raised and schooled in the face of men's destructiveness is because of women. men can destroy as much as they like and a society will still function for the most part because of the resilience of women. literally the biggest economic problems societies face come from male criminality whether from upper or lower class men. the only reason any of it still functions is because of women. women are the glue of the home themselves, the basic unit of society. take women away, and i promise there's nothing fucking left.

for this reason, the biggest de-radicalization tools patriarchy employs against female liberation are marriage/co-habitation with men, femininity and religion and i will get into the details why briefly:

-marriage/co-habitation often results in the woman's isolation from female community or larger society because the man strategically makes himself the central focus/recipient of her resources (health, attention, energy)

-femininity keeps women focused on male approval as a source of power, further encouraging female-female competition and destroying solidairty

-religion and romance are explicitly androcentric, focusing on framing men as the only possible givers of life, purpose, fulfillment and meaning to women while simultaneously demeaning, obscuring and devaluing the fact that women are oftentimes the primary sources of human life and love

now see that all three do three very important things for de-radicalization: they frame men as sources of life, meaning and vitality as opposed to a threat or disadvantage, isolates women from their true selves (devaluing their friendships, erasing their history and contributions, distorting their nature), and pits women against each other. to sum up, centering men and then erasing and isolating women from each other and themselves.

but we won't scare men by psyching ourselves out of what's going to be necessary to defend ourselves. in order for women to be mobilized to take power men have no authority to deny them, we have to cultivate strong, nearly unbreakable self-esteem. we need to esteem ourselves so highly that we never question whether or not we should feel entitled to a better life.

that's why refusing to emasculate yourself is the first step. decolonizing your mind of its male-centeredness and no longer seeing yourself as subordinate, inferior or less worthy to a life of freedom than him.

the second step after de-centering men within yourself is to quickly center women. that's where separatism comes in. not only does this also aid you in decolonizing the rest of your mind, but it gives you the courage to go for better rather than settle for what men say you deserve. seeing that actually, men aren't vital at all to a wonderful life. throwing yourself into female centricity and replacing male hegemony with female history, philosophy, culture, literature, all of it. but not just on a mental level, on an interpersonal and financial level as well. this boosts you economically and empowers you buy giving you that independence necessary to make demands.

then when it comes to the dire, when men retaliate as they are prone to do, you don't hesitate to punish them for it. you don't hesitate to make it cost them. whether that's in organized feminist cyber attacks (doxxing, phishing, DDos attacks, etc). you make them see themselves as potential victims. where what they do to others can also be done to them. where they fear being poisoned, disappearing, outed, isolated, killed.

this kind of organized self-defense will not happen without female solidarity. we already have examples of women coming together to beat abusive men up and get rid of the threats themselves when victims of male violence fear state retaliation too much to defend themselves. female solidarity can substitute for state neglect. it is the only thing that can. the king of the pride doesn't stand a chance against a pack of lionesses. and the state cannot punish all its women lest it destroy itself entirely. governments know that restricting women restricts their economy, so killing masses of women is just not feasible.

female solidarity is the missing piece, and that's what the status quo continually tries to dismantle. also, non-violence in the face of our oppression has never been a virtue. it is something the patriarchy has counted on.

the lie of femininity is that men will respect or care for us once they see how we suffer and how beautiful we are. we think they will set us apart as sacred if they are in love with us. but the truth is they will only respect us if they fear us.

anyways, i'm just thinking out loud here, and these are all generalizations. i'll need to make a whole other article where i break this down on an infrastructural level.

#radblr #feminism #it's time we talk about violent forms of feminist activism #femininity #radical feminism

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