#guys please im so mentally ill
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guys please if my post is over 5 likes dont like it no more the worms in my brain cant handle it /hj /lh
#guys please im so mentally ill#how the fuck do i do a whole ass painting that gets like 30 likes but the second i post tautrian i get 250 on ig???#i love yall but fr numbers scare me#context mostly on insta#like bro my fucking friends lil sister from MIDDLE SCHOOL liked that shit i forgot these people followed me#not like rude or nothin i just cant handle it lmao im gonna take another year long break from insta just to lose the algorithms favor
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well this is all that i can be
#persona 5#goro akechi#p5r#p5 spoilers#p5#persona 5 royal#myart#fanart#digital#clip studio paint#artists on tumblr#comic#bright colors#hi guys im normal about goro as always of course#he means so much#finally. i can use my mental illnesses for fun nd profit#please let me know any silly thoughts id love to hear. smiles smiles
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Instagram has not been treating me well so I come crawling back to tumblr with the royal margarine dump post
#normal about this guy#yes that shimeji is unfinished#some of these are older than others#theyre all mental illness induced though#i like men#royal margarine cookie#cookie run kingdom#cookie run fanart#cookie run kingdom fanart#*might* talk about my headcanons someday. maybe.#theres so little fanart of him that i can find it drives me insane#this is a wasteland please send help im starved#Leo's art tag
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when realize you’re not mutuals you’re just following them
#pls#follow me please#ur so mean to me#do you want to kiss .#silly#sillyposting#so silly#autism#mental illness#silly little guy#ur mom#crying about it#the sillies#shitpost#ur mom lol#crying rn#this is a cry for help#im not crying you are#the voices#why must god make me carry this burden#:(#:( sigh#:( sad#:(( pls#:( why
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getting nuis and nesos from japan
from a guy that looks at listings as a hobby and owns a few nuis
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this post is mostly about project sekai since i see alot about how people don't really know much about merch from japan and looking at this stuff is kinda my hobby lol
getting stuff from japan is pretty good since its wayy cheaper, especially right now since yen to usd is really low rn (unsure about other countries currency sorry) usually prsk stuff is scalped to the point where its better to get it from japan even with the proxy fee lmao (the price for wanting merch for something popular)
getting merch from japan is actually really easy through proxy services, which will order things for you in japan and then ship them to you in the country you reside. i use mercari (a secondhand market) through buyee but there are other proxy services too, you should probably do some digging to find out which ones best for shipping to your country and area. i like buyee but it only takes foreign paypals so that can be a downside
if you want to find merch for a specific character i reccomend looking up how the chracters name is spelled in kanji/however its spelled in game (the spellings are usually on the wiki in the character info panel, you can also get them in game but its easier to copy paste) you can look it up in english but you might get prices aimed at american audiences and machine translation is famously terrible with names. if youre looking for merch from a less popular thing then you can look up the thing's name but thingsll usually be listed under character names
once you have the name you can put ぬい (nui, plush) or ねそべり(nesoberi, those laying down ones.) there are probably other kinds but these are the ones i look into lol
if you want fast results you can go to the recommended tab in the top right but if you have the time i reccomend sorting by lowest price and digging through untill you find what you want, whichll probably give you the best price
for project sekai specifically if you want cheap plushes be a fan of leoni, momojan, or anhane lol popular character merch is anywhere from 1.5x to 3x more expensive than unpopular characters. even so itll be less expensive than english ebay lol. under the cut i have the usual pricing ive seen for prsk plushes but it all depends since mercari is basically japanese ebay, so this is only for old merch and crane game prizes. if you want more recent merch im sure theres people who buy lots and resell, i dont have any reccomendations for project sekai but i know @/enstarsgoods on twitter does this for enstars
(rant i did on this post's tags about nui pricing) [the chibi eye nuis r anywhere from 600¥ ($4) to 2000¥ ($14) depending on if its a guy/niigo or not (lmao) and nesos get up to 7000¥ ($45) (for guys) (i saw some of the girl ones listed around 4000¥ [$26]) and nesos arent listed (as) often. idk anything about the dot eye nuis and nuigarumis since i dont like how they look (lol)
keep in mind that these r resales so theyre a bit more expensive than if u just ordered one when they were in stock like nesos r originally only ¥2750 ($18) but r scalped to hell especially on english ebay]
on top of the price for the goods youll buy you also have to pay japan shipping (usually this is included but sometimes it isnt, it is on every listing if this is the case or not as well as the price) as well as a conversion fee per item which isnt much (i got away with 900¥ ($6) in total for 5 items) and shipping from japan to your country (for me it was ¥2300 [15] but i live in a very easy place to ship to so it may cost more for you) this is about the same as ebay shipping cost wise (for me at least)
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i dont really know what people do with their project sekai nuis (except blend?? burn?? milk copypasta irl..) but with enstars people usually put cute clips in their hair and blush them which is super cute. people also make nui costumes that you can buy. you can search ぬい服 (nui clothes) and usually put the type of nui you have's origin/size (since they can be different demensions) people don't make them for project sekai nuis but im sure there are outfits available in that size/patterns around somewhere
#sorry im mentally ill about this stuff and i see so many people not know ehere to get it esp prsk fans#or they get it off of ebay or etsy and theyre so expensive.. 30 dollars for a 8cm guy holy shit#i got my chiaki enstars nui for $30.. theyre like $70 on ebay#if anything is misspelled or off please lmk#spaced out for easy(ish) reading#i cant tell if things are bold but i did it anyways incase it helps#id put images but im not buying anything currently adn i think its fine without them#i dont know how to tag this ouu#project sekai#ensemble stars#prsk#pjsk#enstars#long post#anyways if anyone has any questions im happy to answer
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choosing violence 10 + 16 + 22 !!!! >:333
ok u didnt specify a fandom but im just gonna do this for pd because its front and center in my mind !!!!!! oh boy i cant wait to be crucified for my opinions
10. worst part of fanon
this is a problem with every jrwi campaign and also like. most . other fandoms to be real. but it seems like my favorite characters are always the ones that get the worst of the mischaracterization beam -_- i cant tell you HOW MANY fics ive opened bc the premise sounds cool only to IMMEDIATELY close it due to "he would not fucking say that" this isnt pd but if i have to read one more fic that infantilizes gillion for not understanding Land Things im going to blow up. hes stupid sometimes yeah! but hes not ignorant and hes not a baby hes like. literally the oldest one on the crew even if its only by a year or two. head in hands
16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
ok im gonna get burnt at the stake for this one but i personally dont really see the appeal of tfem ashe... like i see the appeal yeah of course i do i just dont get why people are so like... weirdly forceful and passive aggressive about it? also this is totally a personal thing no hate to anyone that does this but its kind of a peeve of mine when ppl write analysis posts ans use their headcanon pronouns like.... if u are going to talk about and analyze canon then talk about canon !!!! i cant tell u how many good ashe posts ive skipped over bc im like. we are talking about different characters here .. respect to ashe tfemers and everything but its not for me
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
THERE IS A DISTURBING LACK OF CLARENCE ALBERT FAN CONTENT. WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT MORE INSNAE ABOUT CLARENCE ALBERT. HELLO???? am i the only person that feels this way . can anyone hear me its so fucking dark in here. every day i just want to read a fic about clarence albert and i am met with this
and neither of them are . interesting to me. hell on earth. bizly PLEASE give me more clarence lore in season 3 im fucking starving.
#irt the ashe thing ive always had a personal Thing against changing a characters pronouns it feels a little too close to genderbend for me#and i have NOT have positive experiences with genderbends so i just tend to avoid it hsbdfjsbdf#so. not for me! but i wish ppl were less. weird about it i guess#ppl are always like. if you dont like this tfem hc that means youre a misogynist and a terf and im like???? no????#i would feel the exact same way if ppl started exclusively using he/him to refer to ja.y fe.rin. idk man. the constant Mental Illness Guilt#is like . youre a bad person for not she/hering as.he wi.nters#but fuck it we ball. im ready for the discourse anons for this. censoring tags out of fear hsbjfsjfsdfs#sooooooo many of my jrwi mutuals are going to block meeeeeeeee#head in hands. choosing violence choosing violence choosing violence#anyway both of the clarence fics are aus. and i dont want to READ an au. i want to read about THE CANON GUY. PLEASE. HES SO INTERESTING.#AND HES LIKE. THE BASIS FOR ALL OF MALS WHOLE THING.#THERES SO MUCH THERE#UAUGHHHHGHGH#anyway. anyway. hi ros im writing nhw tidalwave fic <3 its gonna be short but ive had a vision.#we should make. an ao3 collab folder or something to put the nhw fics in. because ive had so many ideas#asks#ask game#friends!!!#intertexts
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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character
#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum#my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly#i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight#god please helo me#edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU#you too sonic youre not out of this either#mf werehog bro#PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get#and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why#also hunger games#i think my brain is making me read#like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books#and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me#thats always how i am oh my god#but like my teacher told me to read it#and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like#im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment#hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og#yall dont fw pintrest like i do
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Little british blond boy jumpscare
#rat rambles#starve posting#cc#<- for myself when I inevitably need to look at png of wendy#there is smth deeply wrong with him I need to be one pf those guys who collects every sing frame of animations their fave is in#its so gnarly how much this stupid blond guy brings me joy I love him sm#like he has been single handedly keeping this game's death grip on my brain alive#he is like The comfort character atm#dont think Ive had a character that makes me lose my mind this hard since like my og rimi mental illness era#anyways please politely nod along with me insisting this kid is a trans egg that is on the verge of cracking just trust me Im always right#anyways ignore the time Im going to bed now 👍
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@ anyone I've made uncomfortable/feel invalid with my stupid questions: I know literally nothing that judgemental seeming question I asked you was not out of a judgemental place I was just confused
#I once unironically asked a trans man all the annoying questions#“so if you're gay aren't you just technically a straight woman?”#“wait you think what?”#“wait what religion are you?”#GIRL I SWEAR IM JUST STUPID. I DO NOT MEAN IT BAD#kipbarks#SHIT LIKE “wait I thought that was wrong because (blank)” ((<-guy who does not know it's okay))#same goes for certain mental illnesses. and stuff like endos#I DoN"T KNOW. OKay. please explain everything to me I know absolutely notjng
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maybe im just too mentally ill but the way every character in the bright sessions takes one look at damien and immediately goes This Guy Is Evil Incarnate Scum Of The Earth kindaaaa owwie hurts me
#bro just like. has a personality disorder and a creepy superpower that he uses to get food/shelter and make people hang out with him#just get him some real therapy and teach him cognitive empathy please im begging#i think it especially rubs me the wrong way bc like. okay so the mentally ill guy with no resources or support network has to be exiled bc#he hurts and manipulates people and is according to the narrative incapable of change#but the evil organization the imprisons and experiments on people can be reformed from the inside with the help of one of the people that#ignored the evil shit happening in front of him??#hurtie#the bright sessions#damien gorham#tape recorded
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when you both have extreme personality disorders so you get every dynamic in one <3 :33
#heehee#real#do you want to kiss .#please#so silly#silly little guy#mental illness#shitpost#silly#sillyposting#the sillies#crying about it#bpd#npd#borderline pd#ehehe <3#oh so silly#im so funny#so gay#im melting#im mentally ill#actually mentally ill#i should just shut up#i should sleep#I should be in a psych ward :3
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damn.. this shit got me feelin
GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#fuck this dude#im so over everything#i just need friends#noone wants me#cant wait to die#just get it over with#or start something#fuck#idc#anything#someone help me please#FUCK OFF#ILL RIP YOU APART#please guys i just need a friend#I HOPE EVERY NERVE IN YOUR BODY FEELS THE PAIN I HAVE#i might have a small little bit of a tiny mental health problem#im perfect#perfectly flawed#IM THE WORST AND I HATE YOU#FUCK YOU#BURN FUCKER#i need a hug#does anyone read these?#yeah i know you are but i mean someone that cares about me the way i care about them.#SHIT#NO NONO#I KNOW YOURE HERE#stay please#nust read a few more words#bare with me its almost over
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system things is who's fucking idea was this
system things is guarding my headmates from texting our ex
#dissociative system#plural system#system#system stuff#system things#plural#traumagenic system#system memes#alters#actually traumagenic#🔭🌸#🔭?????#🔭🪲#🔭planetary system drink LESS OFTEN PLEASE#when it becomes days in a row it's not good for us#what if i texted my ex tho#what if ramona backed off and i texted my ex#planetary system might be getting a fucking boyfriend tho bc this guy likes us SO MUHC#i showed him my blood vial and he was on board with it#he called me emp and goth and i'm niether#he's also 1.5 years younger than me and i feel weird about that#also unpacking so much trauma from my ex and idk if i'm mentally stable enough for this but i like.. attention#he thinks i'm pretty#thinking about texting my ex#SL DRJNK DRANK SO MYHC VODKA AND JACK DANIELS PLEASE DONT MIND ME#DONF LOOK AT ME#the more i unpack my trauma with my ex the more im like.. she was manipulating me right? but i feel guilty about that#planetary system wonders if their the problem and like YEAH they're mentally ill but.. not the biggest issue their for sure#am k going to explain my system to a cishet guy???#he called me babygirl and like BRO OKAY BHT KM MOSTLY NOT A GILR
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the things my mind will do to NOT have to face the consequences of a traumatic story arc
"oh so and so died last week? and the new episode is tonight? hmm sounds like it'll be a good one...
.....y'know i've really been meaning to get into [absolute rabbit hole of a fandom]"
#it just feels like today should be a break week day#like my guy just passed LAST thursday and you want me to come back? for MORE? of what? that??#yeah no i need another week to mentally prepare and then ill be right with you please and thank you#i never actually watch the rebroadcast in the mornings cuz it feels weird watching cr with the sun shining#but the thought of locking in for 4 more hours of stress tonight is not for me#so maybe ill catch it on yt and watch while i play sdv or something#yknow balance out the stress with a game that is deceptively stressful but in a different way lmao#plus i still havent finished the fhjy episode so. im busy lol#the fandom that my brain is trying to use as an excuse to miss the live btw is naddpod#ive been keeping up with dnd court cuz its just fun sillies that require none of my attention or brain power#so i havent gotten into a campaign yet but i think about it a lot. i know ill like it and thatll be the end of me#but anyway good luck tonight critters!#the temptation might have me idly popping into stream but heres to hoping no one else perishes! :'D#critical role#sea rambles
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