#anyways if anyone has any questions im happy to answer

[fishyizm]

getting nuis and nesos from japan

from a guy that looks at listings as a hobby and owns a few nuis

--

this post is mostly about project sekai since i see alot about how people don't really know much about merch from japan and looking at this stuff is kinda my hobby lol

getting stuff from japan is pretty good since its wayy cheaper, especially right now since yen to usd is really low rn (unsure about other countries currency sorry) usually prsk stuff is scalped to the point where its better to get it from japan even with the proxy fee lmao (the price for wanting merch for something popular)

getting merch from japan is actually really easy through proxy services, which will order things for you in japan and then ship them to you in the country you reside. i use mercari (a secondhand market) through buyee but there are other proxy services too, you should probably do some digging to find out which ones best for shipping to your country and area. i like buyee but it only takes foreign paypals so that can be a downside

if you want to find merch for a specific character i reccomend looking up how the chracters name is spelled in kanji/however its spelled in game (the spellings are usually on the wiki in the character info panel, you can also get them in game but its easier to copy paste) you can look it up in english but you might get prices aimed at american audiences and machine translation is famously terrible with names. if youre looking for merch from a less popular thing then you can look up the thing's name but thingsll usually be listed under character names

once you have the name you can put ぬい (nui, plush) or ねそべり(nesoberi, those laying down ones.) there are probably other kinds but these are the ones i look into lol

if you want fast results you can go to the recommended tab in the top right but if you have the time i reccomend sorting by lowest price and digging through untill you find what you want, whichll probably give you the best price

for project sekai specifically if you want cheap plushes be a fan of leoni, momojan, or anhane lol popular character merch is anywhere from 1.5x to 3x more expensive than unpopular characters. even so itll be less expensive than english ebay lol. under the cut i have the usual pricing ive seen for prsk plushes but it all depends since mercari is basically japanese ebay, so this is only for old merch and crane game prizes. if you want more recent merch im sure theres people who buy lots and resell, i dont have any reccomendations for project sekai but i know @/enstarsgoods on twitter does this for enstars

(rant i did on this post's tags about nui pricing) [the chibi eye nuis r anywhere from 600¥ ($4) to 2000¥ ($14) depending on if its a guy/niigo or not (lmao) and nesos get up to 7000¥ ($45) (for guys) (i saw some of the girl ones listed around 4000¥ [$26]) and nesos arent listed (as) often. idk anything about the dot eye nuis and nuigarumis since i dont like how they look (lol)

keep in mind that these r resales so theyre a bit more expensive than if u just ordered one when they were in stock like nesos r originally only ¥2750 ($18) but r scalped to hell especially on english ebay]

on top of the price for the goods youll buy you also have to pay japan shipping (usually this is included but sometimes it isnt, it is on every listing if this is the case or not as well as the price) as well as a conversion fee per item which isnt much (i got away with 900¥ ($6) in total for 5 items) and shipping from japan to your country (for me it was ¥2300 [15] but i live in a very easy place to ship to so it may cost more for you) this is about the same as ebay shipping cost wise (for me at least)

--

i dont really know what people do with their project sekai nuis (except blend?? burn?? milk copypasta irl..) but with enstars people usually put cute clips in their hair and blush them which is super cute. people also make nui costumes that you can buy. you can search ぬい服 (nui clothes) and usually put the type of nui you have's origin/size (since they can be different demensions) people don't make them for project sekai nuis but im sure there are outfits available in that size/patterns around somewhere

[mxqdii]

hey! i love love your work, and i was wondering if i could request a chris sturniolo x fem!reader?

maybe reader is also a well known influencer, or an actress or something of the sort, and there’s rumours about her and chris being together that they haven’t really confirmed?

but they are dating and she’s on live one day and he calls her like an intimate pet name, or just overall says something that shows they are in fact together and like the comments on the live just go crazy and stuff and shes like telling chris she’s on live or whatver

im so sorry if this doesnt make sense 🙏🙏

stop bc i requested pretty much this same thing to another author (on wattpad) a few months back, so when i read this request it was such an "i made it" moment (i love u sm, you're just like me fr fr)

baby - c.s

pairings: chris sturniolo x reader

summary: chris accidentally calls reader 'baby' while she's on live, revealing to the whole world that they're dating/

warning(s): fluff, reader calling chris bro 😔

not proofread

i'm sitting on the couch, watching tv, bored out of my mind.

then an idea hits me, i could go on live!

i used to go live a lot with the triplets, but only on their account, so it would be fun to go live on mine.

i open instagram and click the live button, watching the stream fill with thousands of people

"holy shit that's a lot of people" i say with a nervous laugh

"uhh i guess i'll answer any questions anyone has! so feel free to ask anything!" i add, smiling

i read through the comments, lots of them asking where the triplets are

i can't help but notice seeing a few asking if me and chris are dating.

fortunately, those allegations are true! but we've decided to keep it quiet for, just for now.

still, there’s only so much one can hide from the public

and although me and chris haven't said anything, i think everybody knows anyway.

people can see our glances, our gestures, how close we are, it's all pretty obvious.

i answer a few questions like my favorite singer, when my next video is coming out, podcast stuff with the triplets, and just some other various topics.

suddenly i hear the door unlock, looking over at it, but not really caring.

maybe i can get whichever triplet that is to join my live.

chris walks in and i smile in his direction

"hey baby" he says and my expression immediately drops.

i look at him, PALE.

(absolutely terrified to look back at the screen)

"what?" he says, walking closer, i turn my head to the screen, anticipating my death.

i let out a sigh of relief seeing the comments

@ssturniolo BABY???

@strniolo AWWWWWWWW

@lvrsparadise GOODBYE I LOVE THEM.

@ellieswifie this is such a chris and y/n mistake 😭

@lavieenvalentina i'm so happy for them i'll cry

(shoutout to everyone tagged ILY<;3)

as i'm reading the comments, i smile, chris hovering over me reading them too

suddenly he hugs me from behind, squeezing me tight

"chris!" i say laughing

"let me go bro" i whine

"you did not just call me bro" he says, immediately stopping

his death glare makes me laugh

"consider it payback for you calling me baby on live" i say laughing

(him clearly not amused)

"okay fine fine im sorry, guys it's all okay he's not my bro please let me redeem myself" i say joking on the last part

me and chris stay on live for another 30 minutes, answering questions about how we got together and just stuff about our relationship.

"bye guys we love you!!" i say, ending the live

i close out of insta, putting my phone down with an exhausted sigh

"so?" i mumble, anticipating chris's response

"so? so nothing" he say's with a smile and i face palm

"chris! we just told like, the world that we're dating" i laugh

"yeah, and i'm happy about it, like honestly i can't think of a better way it could've happened" he says

we both look at eachother and burst out laughing

"we're a little interesting thats for sure" i say

"i can't believe we tell the world we're dating ON ACCIDENT and then you start calling me bro" chris says, making me laugh harder

"i was nervous! im sorry!" i yell with my hands up in defense

"yeah yeah, it's fine" he says, wrapping his arms around me

"bro" he adds on

"chris i swear to god-"

TAGLIST:

@strniolo @stargirlv0id @annaisabookworm

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Hehe and it's me again! So i dont know if it's late in your country or no. (In mine it's arleady 23:01 anyways so i am here to request something that was in my mind since two days, how about the hashira being totally shocked cause they find out that Obanai sanemi and giyuu are in a poly relationship, like didn't they hated Giyuu? and didnt giyuu hated them too.....

im so mad bc i answered this but then my wifi cut off and then it got deleted DHGHGJ / it’s late evening here rn idk

Hashira reacting to SaneObaGiyuu !

Shinobu Kocho:

Pure disbelief, she’s utterly flummoxed and does NOT believe it. She’s probably supportive but ever so confused, wondering how the fuck they managed this and why and what and when— She maybe suspected Giyuu’s intentions to be their ‘friends’ had ulterior motive but hadn’t even suspected that, nor thought about it long enough to consider it. She’s in a lil shock, give her time and she’ll go back to teasing them (as a whole now).

Muichiro Tokito:

He really does not give a fuck.

Tengen Uzui:

He’s a bit confused and wondering how any of them managed to pull anyone, especially with their personality clashes, but he’s all encouragement and doesn’t mind. He’s probably leaning in for alllll the details. It’s everyone’s problem if he doesn’t find out everything. Really wouldn’t have seen it coming, but then again the most unapproachable Hashira were bound to get together, right?

Kyojuro Rengoku:

(blink blink) Congratulations!!! ?? (he’s a bit confused, wondering how it came out to be like this, but 100% supportive and absolutely hoping that this will make them fight less) (thinks they’re a nice trio tho) (hopes they won’t gang up together against mutual enemies unless it’s muzan, then he hopes they go all out LMAOO)

Mitsuri Kanroji:

#1 supporter all the fucking way!! She’s relieved they got along and wants the best for them. She’s exuberant and giggling (Sanemi was trying not to punch her) and she really wants to hug them all. Feels like a proud mother watching her children grow (neither of the three see her as a mother figure in the very slightest)

Gyomei Himejima:

Glad they’re together, hopes they prosper well, probably the calmest about it. He’s happy for them and is glad they relatively get along now. Also has a little questions about how they managed to talk all of it out, but won’t pry.

[sirludox]

please tell me all about your zosan pony verse i love them!

Oh my god it would be an honour! I'll start off by mentioning that the reason I chose Sanji as a pegasus was I see his more flamboyant personality fitting that better and i just could not imagine a horse wielding 3 swords without some sort of help so I tinkered how unicorn magic works slightly with it being more closely related to mental and physical strength rather than just being a sort of cheat code haha! Also it was fun imagining a more brutish unicorn compared to the usual elegance of one! Zoro did in fact lose his horn with his first meeting of Mihawk! I was debating making him lose it when he lost his eye but I felt like him dedicating himself even more to training and meditation to make up for what he's lost fit better with it occurring much earlier on than randomly off screen like his eye. Sanji also witnessing him lose his horn yet still declare his loyalty and never losing a fight again would push Sanji to join the crew since he cant fly Sanji, like I said, can't fly mostly related to a) the deformed genes from the poison and b) his wings were bound down when he was a kid by Judge while he was imprisoned much like how he had the helmet on. While their growth wasn't affected, having no prior training on top of the messed up genes means as much as he can do with "flying" is gliding off of tall places or high up but even then that's limited. His "sky walk" is still done with his legs like in the original, so while he can technically "fly", he can't feel the wind between his wings like he normally should for having wings and so he often enjoys spreading his wings out on windy days to ease the desire of "freedom"! He uses his wings primarily as he would hands now, using them to carry food and dishes out and express emotions with them, and absolutely hates having them constricted (it begins to freak him out slightly). Sanji then learnt to use his legs (mostly his back ones) for fighting from Zeff (whom im still debating lost a leg or a wing) and the rest is history! These two still bicker and are the exact same as they are in the original, just with the bonus addition of them bonding over them missing their core "features" of their kind, a broken horn and useless wings. They never ever bring these aspects up in a way to offend/insult the other, as they know they're both rather sensitive topics, but they both use what they've lost to their advantage and dont let any of it hold them back Some more unique quirks they have now are:

Sanji preens/grooms his feathers a LOT and takes a lot of care with them. These days (20's), he's allowed Zoro to preen him when he can't from injuries, and Zoro is good with it/surprisingly gentle after learning from Kuina

Unicorns usually rub/touch horns gently in a comforting manner between family or extremely close (wink wink) others, and butting heads/clashing is more aggressive (which is why zosan often bump heads when arguing). As a trade off for the preening Sanji will often gently touch his head to Zoro's as thanks, or when he's in a particularly bad spot (be it physically or mentally) as a way to comfort him without words being needed to be said. Sanji doesn't know the more romantic connotations of it <3

Sanji tends to "fluff up" during preening as subconsciously finding it extremely relaxing and pleasing and Zoro pokes fun at him for it a little but not too much to avoid scaring him away

40 year old Zosan here has Sanji much more comfortable asking Zoro for a preen or "demanding for it" and Zoro finds it "so annoying" but does it anyway (theyre grossly in love)

Sanji will tease Zoro for being so "brute" as a unicorn, and Zoro teases Sanji for being a "dumb peacock"

Sorry for so much of a ramble haha they're just so much fun to work with, and included a couple sketches to kind of go along with things and explore other characters! If you (or anyone) has any other questions I'll be happy to answer ❤️ (sorry if some of this doesnt make sense haha)

[finsterkiibo]

EDIT: HERES THE TRANSCRIPT FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT!!

HAPPY YEAR FOUR (FIRST YEAR HERE ON TUMBLR THOUGH!!) SAIIBO WEEK LIST DROP DAY!!!!! >:DD HELL YEAHAHHA!!! READ ALL SLIDES PLEASE!!!!! VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING!!! LIST IS ON THE LAST SLIDE!!!!! THE WEEK ITSELF WILL BE TAKING PLACE FROM JULY 21nd TO JULY 27th THIS YEAR!!!!!

this year I themed the list around out-of-game/non-despair style stuff, as i stuck more with ingame for the last two lists! (but that doesn’t mean you can’t theme it around ingame if you want to btw!) i still kept all the prompts vague as hell though cuz I really LOVED what people came up with last year when I made it vague, it gives a lot of creative freedom not being specific!!! AND ALSO it’s still hopefully writer friendly bc of that as well!!! I usually try not to make AU designs or like. specific outfits prompts in recent years cuz!!! it’s not super writer friendly aha BUT!! THAT MEANS THAT THEY CAN LITERALLY BE IN ANY AU OR IN ANY OUTFITS YOU WISH SO!!!! YEAHHH

ANYWAYS!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!! FOUR YEARS….. OF FINNY SAIIBO WEEK…. ISNT THAT CRAZY…. feel free to share around/reblog etc etc if you think anyone would be interested in joining the saiibo journey this year! excited for the new people I may be reaching through tumblr this year!! need the saiibo love to stretch beyond instant gram me thinks hehe

also!! if anyone has any questions about this saiibo week, please don’t be afraid to ask in the comments or through tumblrs ask system!! would be delighted to clear up any confusion or answer any questions!!

[smallishzine]

Guys I know this post is long and ramble-y but if you applied to contribute to the zine please read!!!!! We’re still in the “all the posts are a shlep to the end and deeply boring” phase, trust me it annoys me too, but we gotta make it through together!!!

greetings everyjeremy! Apologies for not posting updates, but we are currently in the sending emails process! There are several asks and dms that I have received from people who either are asking about the email address or have not been emailed yet, and while I currently don’t have time to respond to them, just know that I have seen them, and I will get back to you all as soon as I can. IMPORTANT: EVERY SINGLE APPLICANT SHOULD RECEIVE AN EMAIL. IF YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED AN EMAIL IT IS NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE REJECTED ITS BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT EMAILED YOU YET. If you think we forgot, please contact us! (And maybe also triple check your inbox and verify that the email address you are looking at is the one you listed in the form before you contact us, cause checking whether you’ve been emailed takes time, and I got homework to be doing)

another important note: if you are asking about the status of your application, so like that includes emails n stuff, please dm the blog rather than sending an ask. The questions are specific to just you, so it doesn’t make sense to respond publicly, as that also leave no more room for further questions/clarification, and buries info that pertains to everyone under one-person-specific stuff. additionally if you send asks anonymously, then we have no way to know who you are, which sounds redundant, but needs to be said. If I see an anon ask that says “can you check if I was emailed?” Then I have no way to know who I’m checking for. You could be literally any of the applications that we received. IM NOT TRYING TO CALL ANYONE OUT HERE, AND IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, YOU WERE ALL VERY POLITE, AND ID BE HAPPY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR TO GIVE YOU ANSWERS.

anyway, thank you for reading, and thank you to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. who applied for the zine. Seriously I know everyone says this yadayada we appreciate you we wish we could accept everyone who applied, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ITS A CLASSIC FOR A REASON WE’RE GOING CLICHE, GASP THE HORROR, YEAH THATS RIGHT THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU APPLIED ITS AMAZING TO SEE HOW MUCH SUPPORT THIS PROJECT HAS GATHERED I SINCERELY WISH THAT WE COULD ACCEPT EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAHHHH BE APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT IN OUR LASER DEATH BEAM OF GRATITUDE YOU WILL RECEIVE OUR APPRECIATION FOR YOU TAKING THE TIME TO APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sweeneydino]

IM OBSESSED WITH UR CROSSOVER IDEA, BUT I GOTTA ASK QUESTIONS

1: When Donnie grows to be 14-16, does that mean his bros are gonna be 30? Or does time work diffrently? (Ex: Time works 4x faster in RISE universe)

2: When did Danny adopt Don? In guessing somewhere from year 2012 since that prob when he died

3: you mentioned that RISE!Donnie and Don become friends, just what is the age difference exactly?

4: How would the brother reunite? (If they do) do they accidentoy get thrown into the dimension and be like “ah nit this again and find Don? Or will they meet their other versions and itll go like this:

“Oh that Don, the mafias son-“

“DONNIE?”

(sorry if this a lot pf questions and you don't wanna spoil/ don’t have this planned out, im just rlly excited. No pressure to answer)

GVAJSUSYBS IM GLAD YOU LIKE IT!

Honestly, the AU was for anyone who wanted to pick it up cause I'm not known for staying on top of things, but I'm happy to answer any questions anyway susnwkjs!

1) They will srill be the same age. Fortunately, time isn't all that different, well sorta. Donnie, despite dying around 2012 or so(the timeline is a mess, fuck time travel) would've been reincarnated to around 2002-2004 in the Rise Universe. So when they eventually go to get Donnie, it would've been only a few months since his death, but in the rise universe, he's been there his whole life.

So I suppose a better answer would be, fuck it we ball. Or really, they went to the future (~ ._.)~

2) Danny adopted Don in 2002-2003. Why? Cause I've made enough angst aus for my liking 😔

3) Don is older by 2 years. So Donatello looks up to him.

4)They do reunite! :D I'm not sure what specifically since I have many ideas on how, most include April if not, then Donatello doing something silly to show how amazing he is. Either way, when they get there, it won't be easy, obviously, since Don was raised there and is not gonna believe these random weirdos that look like him and come and tell him he doesn't belong there. The kid probably has enough imposter syndrome.

Although...

I do think this is funny.

Feel free to add to this AU! It would be greatly appreciated ehjekwuw

[twistedastrology]

you cannot run a subreddit like a fucking dictatorship.

----------------------------------------------------------

im pissed as hell rn so im gonna bitch abt this real quick bc im a gemini and bitching is my specialty- and i cant do a workout yet so 😵‍💫

recently I've been very active in the r/astrology subreddit, primarily answering people's questions bc it's my favorite thing to do

I answered one person's question about the difference between the ascendant, chiron and north node, i was incredibly happy to answer bc i love helping people, especially with "easier" questions like that- (i use quotes to be respectful bc i am of the belief that no question is a stupid question)

i will give the mods one thing, they DID have a rule about self promotion even if the thing you're promoting is free- that one was my bad (i offered to look at someone's chart) and i will (and did) own up to it.

the one i will NOT own up to is the one that was not written in the fucking rules goddamn anywhere.

for reference, this was my comment that they took out back and shot:

just from this shit alone i was fucking pissed off because no goddamn way you're gonna sit here and tell me "degree theory has absolutely no basis" DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF ASTROLOGY AS A WHOLE IS JUST THEORIES AND INTERPRETATION.

there's a reason astrology and astronomy are separate. one is based off of actual, provable mathematical equations, and the other is INTERPRETATION.

i replied, and then they did too:

"we caJT pUt eVery PoSsIblE tHiNg iN tHe RulEs" YOU HAVE 6 FUCKINH RULES. YOU CAN ADD ONE ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE SO PISSY ABOUT IT. what are you allergic to the number SEVEN???? is it because it's a LIBRA DEGREE? $! #?? #? #

and the fucking "and I'd encourage you to study them" id encourage you to study my fucking ass while i fart in your face motherfucker u wanna find out how korn got their fucking band name? $! #? #? #? #?

you dont believe in degree theory??? Fun fact: your north node of destiny is in 26° MY ASS and your mercury is in 3° BULLSHIT- and your ass and my foot are in a 0° orbit conjunction 🥳🥳🥳

motherfucker degree theory is a T H E O R Y. you can't just remove someone's fucking comment yapping about it because you think it has no "basis in real astrology"- way to promote critical thinking, asshole!!!!!! you would burn the library of alexandria if you didn't agree with one fucking book in it.

this is why i was kind of afraid to go on reddit because people are so high and mighty with their astrology there that they are just about allergic to any other interpretations- and the r/astrology subreddit, at least some of the mods, seem to be exactly like that

like im sorry but my mercury in an aries degree of gemini makes perfect fucking sense to me- and the only other thing i have in aries is my venus which ISNT EVEN IN ORBIT TO MAKE A SEXTILE!!!! and these people definitely dont believe in cranking the orbits so i cant even say that 😒

not to mention dodecatemoria and decans are Technically degree theory- not in the sense of 1 degree = aries, but in the sense of "section of degrees = sign", especially dodecatemoria which is literally 0 - 29° of any sign

here's a chart in case anyone's interested:

dodecatemoria is also literally BABYLONIAN. that shit is OLD. granted egyptian decans and such are older, but that's still DECANS. AND DE GR E E S.

im not coming for everyone on the subreddit as a whole, just whoever appointed this dumbass fucking rule- why have an astrology subreddit when you can't even talk about certain astrology topics. fucking shit yourself loser i hope you burn.

to the people that dont know me that well btw i am not actually actively wishing harm on anyone- i just get very dramatic when im pissy 😒 anyway ill probably do a post on how i use degree theory soon in spite of this so keep an eye out!!! 🥳🥳

[bwabys-scenarios]

hii i really don’t mean this in a bad way! but i saw one of your posts taking about how you mostly write for chubby readers, and i really admire that. keep writing!

buutt, i just have a (not very) little question. one thing about me is that i really do not understand why people write for specially one type of person? like, i absolutely love the inclusivity and i love all your works, but why can’t everyone just write.. for y/n?? if that makes sense.

like, not describing the reader’s body, skin tone, or anything else like that. i’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but it’s just something i have been curious about for ages! and i’ve been too scared to ask on the notes because i don’t want anyone to think i’m being mean ( ´ ▽ ` )

basically, what i’m trying to ask is; is it bad that i would prefer if writers wrote for nobody in particular?

because i think that it’s so much easier, that way everybody can be happy without leaving one type of person out?

also, i understand if it’s for one type of oneshot/ story, though. like such as reader getting bullied, harassed, or whatever because of the trait you chose to write about.

and i also completely understand if you write for a specific type of person because that’s what you’re like, and i think that’s great!! i love when writers write y/n as themselves, because honestly me too. but for the people comfortable with that, do you think they should write as i suggested?

like, writing a y/n that’s just.. y/n. not described fully so you can imagine whatever you want for them.

i love your works, and really want you to keep writing!

so please tell me your thoughts on what i said! i am trying to learn how to understand people better, but if you want to ignore that’s totally fine! thank you for reading, i hope you have a wonderful day. <3

note: im sorry if this is a lot and confusing. i kinda just dumped everything i was thinking because i’ve never brought this up with anyone and got a bit nervous to ask this. sorry!

short answer: I write chubby readers because chubby readers deserve to see stories where their bodies are mentioned, celebrated, and loved. Writing for a completely neutral reader is not something I’m interested in, because I would not be able to relate to that at all.

Long answer: Fat people, like me, are often taken out of the experience of reading a reader insert fanfiction because the reader is described as thin WITHOUT any warning saying the fic would describe the body type. You can write your the reader to look however you look, but not tagging it/warning about it can surprise readers and put them off, especially when it happens so often for chubby readers. So I’m not against a reader being skinny, it would just be nice to have a warning or tag.

But anyways, making the reader completely neutral works sometimes, but a lot of the time people write/read chubby reader inserts to see their SPECIFIC body type loved and celebrated because often times it is not in regular reader inserts. People seek out chubby!reader inserts to see a reader being loved that has their body type, they aren’t looking for neutrality. They want a character that has the same struggles, insecurities, and life experiences that they can relate to. A chubby!reader accomplishes that.

I hope this answers your question! It’s okay to be curious and ask questions nicely, so don’t feel nervous :)

[little-bumblebeeee]

heya, it's me again (you'll know who i am in the next few words) ...would you mind doing another dustin fic? sorry to keep bothering you lol (and if you don't mind I might keep on asking you as time goes on cause i just love him so much <3)

maybe dustin x a lab person (7 is my lucky number soo yk) where they've known each other for a while & dust just now finds out they have powers

its okay if not, & i hope you're having a wonderful day !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBG SORRY IM LATE IM GOING THRU IT LOVE YOUUU

Speechless - Dustin x (intended to be fem but ended up gender neutral) reader - 690 words

You knew El back then, but you weren’t close with her and you asked her not to tell. Another reason nobody knew who you were before.

You got out around the same time as 011, what you knew her as, but you were found by the Munson’s and not poor Benny. The only reason the Munson’s survived is that Benny didn’t have a gun hidden behind the couch, Benny didn’t have a reputation as the freak and the failure, and Benny definitely didn’t have the goods to bribe the agents.

You always wore a watch, per Eddie’s instructions, as he gently told you when you met that maybe a kid with a shaved head and “007” on their wrist would be a little off-putting. He knows somewhat from experience, he had said to you.

They took care of you, sending you to school. You didn’t quite excel but you enjoyed it, especially science, always wanting to stay after class to peek into the microscope at the little wiggling bacteria that was usually there from the last class period. That’s when you met Dustin, when he was still small with a toothless smile and wild curls, when he was still staying after science class to see the updates Mr. Clark had with the AV club.

This is the first time Dustin has ever seen you without the watch Eddie gifted you. He hasn’t really seen anyone else with those perfectly inked numbers on their wrist, and it’s almost instant.

“What’s that?” Dustin ends up asking you, peering curiously at the small black sliver of ink he sees peeking out of your sleeve. He’d have to find out eventually, didn’t he? But you didn’t *want* it to be now, as you sat on the carpeted floor, eating greasy pizza and drinking sugary soda.

“It’s, uh… my number.” You answer simply, lifting your sleeve, setting down that flimsy paper plate that was barely holding your pizza slice on it. Dustin is… oddly quiet for a few moments. You stopped using your powers, hadn’t in so long that you don’t even think you can anymore, and you’d just end up embarrassing yourself if you tried.

Instead he simply looks… excited, a smile spreading on his face as a sort of glow seems to appear, that lightbulb moment he told you about ages ago that you for some reason kept in mind all this time. Next thing you know, there’s a flurry of questions invading your ears, but you can hardly hear them. You just see that smile.

You’ve always liked his smile, told him so millions of times when you didn’t know any better about social situations. Does he remember that? He had to have, you said it so many times over the years it’s impossible that he forgot it.

You’ve heard of the word speechless before. Yet you’ve never experienced it, always so excited to talk about new things you learned or things you saw that day, and now is the first time you’ve ever truly been speechless. This is a pretty boy. You’ve seen handsome boys, gorgeous boys, but this boy… your boy… is something different. Something special.

So you surge forward and slam your lips against Dustin’s like you’ve seen in all those movies Max made you and El watch. He clutches at you until his hands reach your shoulders, a motion you hope is a good thing.

He yanks you away, panting and blinking at you. His lips are parted and shiny, a new sort of blush dusting the apples of his cheeks as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

“You kissed me.” He says. You truly can’t tell if it’s a statement or a question, but you nod anyways. You can’t find shame in you in this moment, only that pure raw feeling of your heart thumping that you always get around him, that you never get around anybody else, that you just know is love. A love that cannot be compared to the love you hold for Max or Lucas or Wayne or Eddie, no, this is Dustin’s love.

And this time he kisses you.

Your boy.

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

Hi, im not a super active tumblr user, but i really like your blog and i often visit it since i havent found anyone else who answers or discusses things about Axl as detailed as you do. I wanted to ask you smth regarding the little Michelle situation. I know youve talked about it a few times, but i was wondering, on what scale do you believe the whole thing & how do you manage to still look at Axl in a positive light? My questions are kinda coming from me not knowing what to think about it, because i was a really big fan of him and then one day i came across her videos of explaining the r... situation in details. I wanted to think that it is not real, but i couldnt find a reason why she would describe such thing in a detail if it wasnt true. I can excuse anything else hes done, but this one is too horrific if its true. She did seem sincere in her videos so i really dont know.

Hello! I’d be happy to discuss this ^.^

The only parts I believe in her story are her upbringing, her running away from home at a young age to become a baby groupie, and Axl’s perspective on how her situation unfolded with him.

Slash mentioned this in parts of his book, and Axl discussed it, but essentially Little Michelle, who was 15 at the time, was having sex with Axl up in a loft while Slash was sleeping downstairs. It’s possible Michelle might’ve been strung out on drugs while having intercourse with Axl, so she was subconsciously submitting to him, but not consciously, which leads into the next point.

After she woke up, and the drugs wore off, she didn’t know where she was or how she got there. To tell you truthfully, she might’ve been under the impression that she was kidnapped which could explain why she freaked out so badly in front of them. Axl had to kick her out of the place which caused Michelle to run down the streets, naked, and tell the police what had happened. Axl said she was crazy and she didn’t even remember her own name.

At first, I was like, “Axl, you can’t call every woman you’ve been with crazy.” 😂 But the more I looked into her story and saw her videos, the more I understood what he meant. And he was right lol.

The parts I believe are fabricated are how she first saw Axl at Tower Records when she was 14, how she officially met him at 15, how she was in a serious relationship with him, became pregnant, had a miscarriage, got raped by him, and how she met Erin Everly afterwards. Keep in mind, it’s easy for anyone to create their own story and alter a timeline after doing some critical research, and it appears Michelle has done this and she’s trying to rewrite history, or blow her story out of proportion, similar to Sheila Kennedy’s case. Btw Sheila’s case got settled a few months ago and Axl said she made up the entire story, which could very well be Michelle’s case here, too.

Anyways, her miscarriage sounds similar to Erin’s miscarriage. Michelle mentioned that the rape took place at a studio where other men beat her up first, and then Axl raped her, and threw her outside in the cold (since it apparently happened in December). Why isn’t she holding the other men who hurt her accountable as well? Why is it only Axl? Yeah, she probably didn’t know the other men, but if she wants justice to be served on her part why isn’t she holding EVERYONE accountable for their actions? It doesn’t make sense.

With her knowing Erin, there have been other people in her comment section who’ve complained that Michelle couldn’t have possibly met Erin in California during this time because Erin was still in New York around that time, etc. Michelle reassured those people that she wasn’t messing up any timeline but it seems she was messing up the Erin timeline lol. And Erin hasn’t mentioned Little Michelle at all so I doubt she even knows who she is.

What’s strange is Michelle has a dislike for Erin because she described Erin being fake around her by having a “kill ‘em with kindness” attitude which I thought was weird since Erin doesn’t look like the kind of person to act that way around anybody. I think Michelle is jealous because Erin got chosen by Axl to marry him and she probably wished she could’ve swapped places.

Axl has mentioned many times in the papers how he’s honest about everything, and maybe straightforward and a little blunt, but it’s always the press who has mixed up his words, or lied about him to make him seem worse in a lot of situations. That’s why I’d rather believe what Axl has to say as opposed to reading what he did in a newspaper since journalists like to make up a lot of lies in order to create an interesting story - ✨drama✨ You see what I mean, anon?

That’s why I don’t believe the majority of what Michelle has told everyone on TikTok. She’s left more questions unanswered than answered ones. There’s a lot of plotholes within her story. If she really wanted to she could’ve sued him when both Stephanie and Erin did, that would’ve been a perfect time, for Michelle, to get her story into the limelight, but she didn’t do it. She waited until recently to do it which is EXTREMELY late. The Me Too movement might’ve inspired her to break her silence but I’m not a big fan of anybody, don’t care who, digging up someone’s dirt from the past 40 years ago and trying to settle it now. It should’ve been handled within the first 10 years it occurred, not 40.

My theory is she’s doing this to try and take Axl out of the music industry and end his career/touring days early. It’s not gonna be possible tho since Axl is already 62 and he’s at the end of his career anyway, so it’s not gonna make much difference as opposed to it being the beginning of his career during his prime. So, I think Michelle is wasting her breath on him.

When you first look at her TikTok and watch a few videos, you believe her. But once you scroll further into her older videos, they become more suspicious and she doesn’t seem mentally stable. I know she’s mentioned that TikTok was a place for her to heal from her trauma but it did the opposite effect by just triggering it.

As for me keeping a positive light on Axl, it hasn’t been easy lol. I’m a pretty open-minded individual who tries to look for the why in everything since everything does happen for a reason. For instance, why did Axl do this? Or that? What caused him to say this or do that? Once I find the why then it becomes clear why people did things the way they did, and it might help others understand the motive behind it better. I know it does for me.

I think what also helped is I’ve been doing research on a lot of people, not just him. And I’ve found some pretty horrific things whenever I read something on either Charlie Chaplin or Lee Harvey Oswald, the man who shot JFK, so I think all the guys I’ve been researching over the years have prepared me to take on Axl 😂

I don’t view Axl any differently after knowing these things about him. In fact, I love him more than ever (if that’s even possible lol). Sure, I disagree with some of the things he did in the past, but I find flaws beautiful in a person since we’re not perfect beings. Also, I can relate to Axl in a few ways, especially about being misunderstood, and I miiiight share a bit of his temper, but I don’t throw things or punch walls 😅

It’s about having patience, mulling over some distressing facts, and giving him a chance for who he really is. Don’t hate or judge him, but be more understanding of him and think about why he is the way he is, just like everybody else. Trial and error lol. But trust me, it’s worth it for him. He’s mentally stimulating for me and I pretty much learn something new about him everyday. It’s amazing!

I hope this helped, anon. Good luck with all of this information and don’t be so hard on Axl. The man has been fucked (literally) by so many people. I’m just glad he’s still here with us today and doing what he loves 🙏🏻🧡 Keep on enjoying the music!

[tangledinink]

Ok! Ok! Just one more ask (for now-)!

Does big mama find out that the twins are bio girls? If she does, is she happy or upset? Is she upset they didn't tell her? Does she try to make this a profitable thing (take this how you will)? Is she supportive or not? Did she just not know or did she not care to confirm?

Also!! I just love the tail you gave donnie!! Does leo have a tail? Is it as long as Donnie's? Also which twin is older? Do they share a room? Or do they have their own rooms? If they have their own rooms, do they have like a floor of the hotel just to themselves? Are there plans for any love interest in this au? Are Mikey and Raph also girls? Or did draxum accidentally get two girl turtles? What are all the boys (and Cassandra)'s sexual and gender identity?

Thank you!!! Again sorry for the question spam

lmao sorry for the wait for some reason my brain said i could not possibly answer this until i completed the egg saga and therefore answered the first part of this question. but now im also gonna do an additional part showing donnie and mama's conversation, so it'll get even more answer...

tldr; she finds out about donnie, but still does not know about leo. she is upset and essentially forbids donnie from telling anyone about this-- (cause imagine the pr nightmare.) she wasn't previously aware that they were biologically female.

also!!! thank you!!! leo does also have a tail, but it's a lot shorter and stubbier than donnie's. he's privately a bit jealous of donnie's long, pretty, expressive tail. likewise, donnie is privately a bit jealous of leo's short, simple tail, which is never stepped on or caught in doors-- but neither of them would ever admit it and would in fact claim superiority of their own tail if asked.

donnie is the older twin.

they do not share a room, but they do share a floor of the hotel. they each have their own massive bedroom, complete with en suite bathrooms, balconies, and every other bell and whistle you could ever dream of, and are 'next door neighbors' so to speak. Mama occupies the top floor just above them, and everything below them is the actual hotel.

i don't currently have plans for any love interests!

all four of the brothers identify as male (at least right now, anyway,) and mikey and raph are both biologically male. draxum did not really care about the gender of the turtles he obtained for his experiments; he just needed strong, healthy specimens. (plus, turtles are, like, notoriously hard to sex, anyway.)

leo is pretty sure that he's gay, but hasn't breathed a word of this to anyone. he's well aware that being a prettyboy bachelor and making the girls swoon or whatever the fuck is a part of his 'brand' as a performer, and that messing with this would NOT be well received by his mother.

donnie is bisexual, but hasn't really noticed or processed this himself yet, because he doesn't spend very much time or energy considering what is or is not attractive to him. he has other things to worry about, thank you. (and he's not as...... easily impressed as leo is.) it's not like either of them are out socializing with people their age or going on dates or anything, anyway.

mikey isn't into labels u w u but also hasn't really ever put too much time or energy or thought into dating or anything like that. he's busy trying to eliminate humanity <3

raph, bless his soul, has never once in his life even considered thinking critically about his gender or sexuality or anything else. that's not even a little bit in his world sphere. he has no gotdamn idea.

cassandra is definitely a lesbian lol.

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

long personal post about how actually things have gotten better

warning: mention of heavy topics

so im deciding to start re-embracing the joy and sincerity and vulnerability i had at 15. Tumblr was literally my diary.

however the suicidal ideation of being 15? no. tho we still have bouts of hopelessness, but its different now. however i do rlt struggle to refer to that time as being suicidal, but im not sure there is a better word. like i did not want to live, but i did not want to die - because all of my thoughts and logic had me convinced that yeh, it could (and likely would) be worse ... moving on...

i also used to actually reblog stuff. not just scroll and like. and ive been reblogging more lately.

why wasnt i reblogging or posting?

at some point i became very repressed. i shut down self expression and started just internalising all of my lows and lots of other thoughts. i had some bad friendships and experiences and shitty home life where i adapted by just burying everything. not just the bad stuff. i was terrified of judgement and having the things i enjoyed and cared about and liked, be torn to shreds. i was also very scared to say the wrong thing (thanks Tumblr Moral Perfectionism and Purity Culture). but whilst im still not comfortable sharing my passions and emotions IRL... thats just common sense. its mostly family and experience has taught me that they will insult me. i am a lot less afraid of cringe. and im a lot more confident in my own thoughts and opinions. we could also talk about how fandom died for me in 2016 and iykyk. like i lost hope and didn't see the point trying to care again if loss was inevitable. its one of those grand philosophical questions and my answer was that it was better to have no joy or love than it was to risk having something and suffering the pain of losing it... but that is an anxiety mindset. you cannot be happy living out of caution. the greatest joy comes not without risk.

anyways, for a few years now, ive really been on the up. i got some diagnoses which meant I could finally start to understand myself and what was going on and why, and I could learn to manage it. And im not just talking mental/neurodivergence. i was also really physically sick for a long time and im still dealing with the trauma of that because noone fucking believed me (ps. if anyone knew me during that time and you did believe me. thanks. but also despite my memory being shit, ive got to say noone rly knew me during that time. i was very shutdown and had very limited interaction with anyone.) and all i just kept hearing about during that time was how lazy I was and how i must have a really low pain tolerance but ANYWAY. point is, im doing better.

still not living in a perfect situation, and im still not well (i never will be, such is the nature of "chronic" ) but im not living in a state of fear and dread every single day. im in a much better place.

am i exhausted constantly bc i now have a fulltime job and it is unnecessarily stressful and also physically demanding and also i have very little energy to begin with? yeh. but also do i love my job? also yes.

do i have very real concerns that im going to burn out and/or my condition will worsen and i will be unable to work and support myself and i wont have a safety net? also yeh. thats that bouts of hopelessness i mentioned earlier.

but mostly, im doing okay.

i dont have as many friendships as i used to, or any especially close friends but, the people i do have in my life are good people. i dont feel constantly scared that i will say the wrong thing - something embarrassing or awkward or questionable - and that they will abandon me. there is a sense of security.

i dont rly have anyone that I feel completely comfortable and relaxed around but im getting there. Like very almost there, for the first time in my entire life. i can see the possibility of being accepted and at ease. and it is really only me holding myself back. (one day i will figure out how to relax).

i constantly joke about having cured my anxiety but honestly? i kind of did. the thought patterns are still there but I'm so much better equipped to recognise and manage those thoughts. my every action is no longer dictated by my anxiety. most of the time I'm barely aware of what im doing. which thats its own issue... But im no longer in a perpetual state of hypervigilance and that is good. im not even on antidepressants anymore. I've got the anxiety under control, not the other way around.

if 15 year old me met me now- she would be slightly disappointed that i didnt have my own place - but otherwise she would be so shocked at how well i function and how confident i am and how happy i am, and shocked that i now actually want to live a life.

im also, as i said, making an effort to actually give a fuck again. im gonna start caring about things and im not gonna shut up about it.

im going to be more open and honest. and im going to learn how to be me.

being vulnerable is the absolute most terrifying thing but thats my goal. thats the necessary risk. it won't come easily or naturally or right away, but i will get there.

things are looking up.

[taeiris]

if I’ve already sent this ask before I’m so sorry, I’ve got adhd, but how did you find your art? (I’m in my questioning phase)

hihi!!! no problem! i think i have some kind of glitch with asks bc when i go look for them it says i have 3, but when i check it, there isn’t any so im sorry if any of u have ever sent asks and i havent answered them it’s probably bc of that😭

but anyways lets get on it!

finding you art style is not smth simple at ALL. ive been drawing my entire life!!! and ive had a bunch of different styles until now, they kinda used to change every few months or so, i was always happy with them but it never really lasted??? and i always had at least one part of the process of it to dread doing, for example, coloring.

it wasn’t until recently i FINALLLYYY found a style im 100% comfortable in.

it really takes experimenting and finding what elements of creating art you love and enjoy the most. for me, i used to mostly do traditional art, just pencil or ink sketching and i would OCCASIONALLY color them. so i really used to enjoy kinda the messiness of the pencil on trad mediums and stuff? and i never rlly found a way to translate that element to digital art which is the one i enjoy the most now.

brushes are very important! it depends on the look you like. since i like that pencil feel, i use a pencil looking brush! (softy from esbenlash’s procreate brush set) and i also got a paper feel screen protector for my ipad to enhance the experience🔥

i found i mostly enjoyed doing lineart and didnt rlly look forward to coloring, i didnt find my past styles enjoyable bc they kind of felt restricting in that area? since i didnt find a way to make it more abt the lineart and less abt coloring that i liked (ofc theres plenty! i just didnt find one for me)

so tbh i think what mostly influenced the style i enjoy the most now is film, and baroque art!

i had recently seen:

Crimson Peak (2015)

The Shape of Water (2017)

and ofc

Stranger Things DUHHHHH

and i fell in love with the way the lightning was, heavy dark shadows and moody lights, and tried to match my style to it and found that it highlighted all the things i enjoy doing the most while drawing! so thats where i am now

special mention to the one movie im obsessed with currently

The Crow (1994)

also has the similar style

all that + experimenting, studying other’s art i liked and finding elements to integrate to my art, ANDDD music also played a huge part in it. so as you can see for me its about kind of combining aspects of every single piece of media i like 😭

its not gonna be the same for everyone, but its always good to have a guide so i hope this was useful for you and anyone else! im always willing answer any art questions :)

don’t worry too much about speeding up finding your style, it’ll come to you eventually, so focus on enjoying the moment and learning, take mental notes of what you like and don’t like!

sorry this is kinda long as hell… but i like rambling

[abyssal-ilk]

i was sneaking through your ethena tags and, unrelated to him, you mentioned your bg3 pc being maybe poly w/ wyll and astarion, and you are so real for that. you are SO real for that

hihi anon!! first off, it's very fun to know that you were snooping through ethena's tag lol. i NEED to post more about him, he's such a sweetheart, and im happy to answer any questions you or anyone else has about him!!

ANYWAYS. listen. i am not immune to poly wyll/astarion. im not. im so weak for it. wyll is my favorite bg3 character (alongside orin, my worstie orin) and i adore him and astarion's dynamic. of course i have to drop my dumbass durge between them and have them kiss

[tanadrin]

Hey... sorry if this is too much, but im a baby trans and ive been struggling to grasp the concept what gender is, everytime i try to look for a definition i only find the vague basics like "its what you identify as!" Or i find bigoted shit from trasphobes. If you have any recommendations of essays about gender from trans people who dive deeper unto the concept it would really help. Sorry if im bothering you i just dont really know who else to ask 😅

i don't know how helpful i can be. i have a very instrumental view of transition--i.e., if you think it might make you happier than you are now, you should give it a try and see. i think a lot of pointless verbiage is spilled on trying to nail down difficult-to-elucidate questions about purely internal experiences, about the distinction between gender and sex, and about what all this gender stuff means anyway. i think that stuff can be interesting to discuss, if you like that sort of thing (and i do!) but that loading yourself up with a lot of gender theory isn't actually useful for figuring out what you should do vis a vis your gender presentation and how you identify.

for those latter questions, i think the answer is simple: what makes you happier? when you imagine a given gender presentation, or your body being different in certain ways, or people calling you by a certain name, does that sound appealing? doesn't matter why. if so, go for it! and frankly this advice is quite agnostic of whether or not you're cis or trans. people should adopt the identities that feel most conducive to their happiness. you do not need elaborate theoretical justifications for any of it. anyone who demands an elaborate theoretical justification for how you dress or what name you choose to use or anything like that is an asshole whose opinion you can safely ignore. i guarantee you they are selective in this demand, and are only using it to try to find an excuse to be a dick.

that said, you want a definition of gender, and i guess i can try.

"gender" has no definition. that's not meant to be a smart aleck answer. what i mean is: "gender" is a conceptual category. conceptual categories do not exist outside of our discourse about them. there is nowhere in the world you can go to lay your hands on A Gender. there is no Gender Particle. and while in most philosophical traditions we think of categories as having necessary and sufficient conditions for membership ("a human is an animal descended from the last common ancestor of humans and chimpanzees" might be such a taxonomic definition), conceptual categories aren't actually constructed that way. because that's not how the human brain actually works: when you're a kid learning what words mean, you don't learn "a chair is a thing with four legs you sit on." that wouldn't be accurate anyway (a horse is not a chair). you see lots of chairs and pictures of chairs and you form an image in your mind of what a chair is and when you see a thing your brain compares it to other things like it you've seen before, and if it looks like your mental model of a chair, you think, "chair."

(this is in fact how almost all definitions work in practice. even for formal scientific categories for which it seems like a traditional definition might be workable, because our terms are so specific, there are problems and corner-cases. is a HeLa cell a human? it's certainly an autonomous organism. it's certainly descended from the last common ancestor of a chimpanzee and a human being. but it's a single-celled organism that exists only in laboratory cultures, and lacks everything else we expect a human to have.)

so, uh, gender. "gender" is from the latin word "genus" meaning "kind." it is a doublet (that is, shares an etymological origin) with the words "genre" and (more distantly) "kin." obviously, a word's etymology is not its meaning. confusing the two is called the etymological fallacy. but originally when we talked about "gender" we were pretty explicitly talking about categories in general, and i think that's useful to keep in mind. incidentally, "sex" (also from Latin) has a similar etymology--it's related to "section," i.e., the creation of a category by dividing a group. though "sex" acquired something like its current meaning much earlier.

most human cultures group humans into two broad conceptual categories. this is based on a variety of traits, of which physical traits like genitals are seen as frequently foundational. some cultures explicitly create additional ancillary categories, or provide a means to move (often only partially) from one category to another. contemporarily, there has been an effort to distinguish "biological sex" (seen as what chromosomes you have, reflected by what genitals and other physical characteristics you have) from "gender" (seen as a question of social presentation).

i think this is a mistake. you might be able to spot why--biological sex is a conceptual category! most humans are xx or xy, but there is in fact a wide variety of sex-chromosomal arrangements that are possible. xx and xy are only the most common. biology is messy, and it's hard to tell how messy, because we don't routinely karyotype people. the existence of rare-but-noteworthy conditions like complete androgen insensitivity (frequently reuslting in a chromosomal "male" that is "mis"identified as and lives their whole life as a female) highlight that even within the purely biological realm, sex emerges only as two broad clusters, not as two clearly divided bins. moreover, a trans person who has been taking cross-sex hormones for many years is in a sort of willingly-imposed intersex state. so saying a trans woman is a "biological male" or a trans man is a "biological female" (especially if they have had an orchiectomy or hysterectomy and can no longer produce gametes of their respective assigned sex at birth) is sort of funny--we're privileging an (assumed) chromosomal arrangement over the biological facts on the ground. and while DNA does control a lot about how our bodies grow and develop, it can in fact be overridden! otherwise, cosmetic surgery, or hair dye, or LASIK surgery would all be exercises in futility.

"gender" is sometimes also talked about as a set of internal experiences. you "feel like" or "identify as" a particular gender. and while it's certainly plainly true for some people (both cis and trans), it seems not to be true of everybody (cis or trans), and for other people it's hard to say. not everybody has perfect access to their own feelings all the time. people get told they're lying about what they feel when that's socially inconvenient for other people. and internal states are impossible to measure or verify. they're also often pretty hard to put into words, and we mostly can access them only indirectly, by sidling up to them, or by trying to find other people whose experiences/thoughts/feelings seem to resonate with our own.

so i don't have a definition of gender for you, or an etiology, or even a very robust account. sorry! but i also think that anybody trying to tell you they do is operating from an understanding so narrow that they don't even begin to understand its limits.