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tieronecrush · 1 year ago

Text

hot & heavy

chapter ten: a hidden gem, my own goldmine

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 10k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners, feeling familial and self-pressure, ESTABLISHED relationship FINALLY, spanish cause joel is latino, fingering, unprotected p in v, dirty talkkk king joel miller, soft (and soft dom) joel, possessive joel, mentions of depression diagnosis and symptoms, struggling with self, discussion of co-parenting, angst, MAJOR doubt! and a slumber party! yay!

a/n: thank you as always to the bestie/cousin/sister wife/sweet, sweet gf @northernbluess for beta-reading this chapter, seriously i can't write without you so you're stuck with me. also this chapter is a little heavier in spanish then before, so if there are any corrections needed, please comment or message me! i went through multiple translations to try to find the best/most common, but things are bound to slip through the cracks.

Joel’s been catching up with some chores around the house this evening after Sarah’s gone to bed: dishes are washed and put away, counters wiped down and floors mopped. He reset the living room after he put the laundry in the dryer, settling onto the couch with a long sigh. Hands rub at his tired eyes, muscles aching for his bed but he is determined to stay up until you text him that you’re back at your friend’s house safe.

A few of your friends from college ended up with jobs in Austin, and tonight you’d all arranged to go out downtown. You had, sweetly, invited Joel to tag along but when you mentioned that the only other guys there would be boyfriends of your friends that were your age, he politely declined. Well, he used his daughter as an excuse because he didn’t want to admit that he was a little insecure about the age difference, even still.

It’s not even a large one, you’re twenty-five and he’s thirty-three, but with a nearly ten year old kid and his own business, he’s willing to bet he’s in a much different place in life than your friends' significant others. And if there isn’t a lot of common ground, Joel knows he’s not the most social or conversational.

Resting his eyes, his head rolls back onto the couch while the TV drones on about the latest Astros game. A short buzz from his phone in his pocket peels his eyes open, yawning quietly as he fishes the device out and flips it open.

FROM: Mariposa

Cn u pcik me up pLs????

While deciphering your drunk text, another couple are delivered and he keys down to see them as he chuckles at the antics.

I miiss u

Eveynoe is w their BFs n I wnt mine

Plesaseeeeeee J

Before he can type a response to you, an incoming call blocks out his screen, his thumb hitting the accept button quickly and bringing the phone to his ear.

“Feelin’ alright, Mari?”

A hiccup on the other line makes him laugh quietly again, your voice coming in over the music and people in the background, “No, not alright. M’sad.”

“Why’re you sad, sweet girl?”

“Cause you’re not here. Every—everybody’s…No I didn’t want a vodka water, gross! I wanna vodka soooooda with lime…Oops, sorry J. What was I saying?” A giggle from your end pulls a smile on his face, only slightly worried at your level of intoxication.

“You were telling me why you’re sad.”

“Right! M’sad cause all my friends have got their boy—” One hiccup. “Boyfriends here. And you’re aaaallllll the way at home.” Another hiccup. “I wanna be home with you.”

“I see. Well, I don’t want you to be sad, darlin’, so m’gonna come pick you up. How’s that sound?”

He hears a gasp into the phone and your voice gets quieter, imagining you holding the phone or turning your head away to a nearby friend.

“He’s coming! Jus’ to pick me up though, we gotta get back for Sar—Sarah…Yeah, she’s so cute…Well, yeah duh, he’s a DILF…I mean, to me I guess he’d be a DIAF…‘Dad I Am Fucking’…Oh, shit!” There’s a rustling as he laughs to himself overhearing your conversation, a smug smile on his face from you bragging to your friends. “M’sorry, J, god I totally forgot I was on the phone!” You punctuate your sentence with an incredulous laugh before quieting down to hear Joel.

“That’s alright, Mari. M’gonna drop Sarah with Tommy and then come and get you, okay? Can you tell me where you are?” Joel is already standing from the couch, grabbing his keys from the entryway before making his way upstairs to get Sarah into the car.

“Ummm…One sec!” The line rustles again while he stands at the top of the stairs. “Okay, we’re at that place on 11th, Nickel City.”

“Yeah, I know where that is, sweetheart. Be there soon, okay?”

“Okay. Tha—” One last hiccup. “—nks, J.”

“Anytime, amor. Anytime.”

With Sarah dropped off at Tommy’s, Joel goes into town to pick you up. It takes another twenty minutes from Tommy’s place, finding a parking spot not too far from the bar. He slips in the door and starts to comb his eyes over the crowd, most people stepping out of his way from his intimidating frame while he weaves through the masses.

Spotting you off to the side at a high-top table, some friends he recognizes from your photos dotted around the surface as well. You’re wrapped up in a conversation with the person next to you while you sit on a stool, Joel’s eyes finally landing on the person you’re talking to. It’s another man, about his height, maybe a few inches shorter. He’s got light hair, a clean-cut look with some fancy shirt on. Clearly, the guy is flirting with you, standing closer and leaning an arm around the back of your chair. Knowing how drunk you sounded over the phone, it occurs to him that you likely don’t even realize this guy’s body language, a primal possessiveness taking over his judgment.

He’s waited years for you. There’s no way in hell he isn’t putting on a show for this guy to send him a message.

Joel rolls his shoulders back, chest raising with the corrective posture. He saunters over to the table, politely smiling and waving as your friends must recognize him and welcome him to the group. He walks right up to the other side of your chair, placing a hand on your lower back and brushing against the skin exposed by the tank top you’re wearing.

A small gasp exhales from you with the surprise contact, turning your head and beaming when you see him. The look makes the wings of his butterfly flap faster, beating in time with his heartbeat.

“You’re here! M’so happy to see you.” He matches your smile before he is crushed in a hug, your arms around his neck. Unraveling from each other, you turn back toward the other man, before one of your other friends comes over to tell you something, pulling you away but still within arm’s length for Joel to keep his hand on you.

Joel reaches his hand out toward the man, “Nice to meet you…”

“Colton.”

“Nice to meet you, Colton. Are you one of the college friends?”

Colton gives a weak handshake to Joel, shaking his head with a laugh, “No, actually, never met any of ‘em until tonight. Well, except Taylor. M’relatively new to town, met Taylor through work, so you know how it is. Trying to make some connections.”

Joel has to hold back his eye roll, annoyance clear on his face at the skirting around that this Colton is doing. Joel’s heard it before from Tommy — going up to a girl and using the ‘new in town’ line to get a conversation started and to hopefully get them to leave with you to ‘show you around’.

Mine. You’re mine, he repeats to himself, the jealousy pumping in his veins.

“So’re you one of the college friends? Or an Austin friend?” Colton makes polite conversation while you turn in Joel’s arm and wrap your own around his back. Tugging on his t-shirt the fingers of one of your hands slip under the material and skim across his skin. Joel clears his throat, chuckling dryly as he keeps his gaze on Colton.

“Uh, not quite. M’the boyfriend.” His head nods to his side to you, a tight, smug smile on his face as he watches the gears in Colton’s head turn.

It’s not happening for him tonight. Or ever.

“Oh shit! You must be Joel! We’ve been waiting for you. I’ve just been making sure she’s had some water and didn’t wander off before you got here. She’s been talkin’ about you all night, made me think about how many times I’ve drunkenly ranted about my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, Taylor’s my girlfriend — she’s the one with blonde hair right across the table.” Colton beams down the way as Taylor makes eye contact with him, waving to the woman as she smiles back at him.

The man is a golden retriever. And Joel thought he was some douchebag trying to hook up with his girlfriend. Joel opens his mouth to apologize for his cold behavior, but before he can your head pops up from his chest, grabbing his attention. Hands at his back scratch your nails against his skin, humming contently as you press a sloppy kiss to his jaw.

Colton considers his duties relieved and goes to find his girlfriend before Joel can thank him, leaving the two of you at the end of the table. Joel pulls his chin in to look down at you, smiling softly and moving a hand to the back of your neck.

“You alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, jus’ happy you’re here. Missed you.”

Joe presses a kiss to your forehead and you hum again, swaying sleepily in his arms. “M’glad you called me, Mariposa.”

“Can we go home now please?”

“Yeah, Mari, ‘course we can. You want me to bring you to your house?” His hands move to your sides, running up and down against the fabric of your tank top. You hook your arms around his neck and shake your head, a tiny “humpf” accompanying it.

“No, home.”

“My house?”

“Yes! Home. Wanna sleep in your bed, s’comfier than mine.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I can bring you home.”

A warm stirring is felt in his chest, steadying you in your stance and keeping an arm around your waist. You say goodbye to your friends, all of them waving to you both as Joel steers you through the bar and to his truck outside.

Joel calls Tommy on the way home, his brother telling him that Sarah’s out cold and he can bring her back in the morning when she wakes up. He presses for an answer about why Joel had to drop Sarah off, but Joel ignores Tommy’s question again and hangs up.

Safely back at his house, he helps you out of the truck and inside, walking behind you on the stairs as you stumble. It’s like a baby deer learning to walk — he’s never seen you this drunk, tipsy, sure, but never at this level. A smile crosses his face as he imagines a moment like this in the future with you, maybe after a night out for the two of you or maybe even after your wedding.

Your voice pulls him out of his thoughts, tripping over your feet at the landing and recovering on your own. His hand hovers at your back, ready to break your fall if it happens.

“I’m alright, m’alright. Jus’ tripped a lil’.”

To be safe, Joel holds your hips the rest of the way up and into his room, sitting you on the edge of the mattress and gathering a t-shirt from his drawers for you to wear to bed.

“No, I want the funny one that I like,” you whine, waving a hand back at his dresser. Joel shakes his head to himself, chuckling about the fact that you still have a preference for sleep attire.

He grabs the shirt you’re talking about, a worn and washed one that he got as a joke from Tommy a few years ago. He normally wears it to sleep himself, if he wears one, or around the house if he knows he won’t be going out. It’s faded black now, yellow text that reads ‘I do know it all…I just can’t remember it all at once.’

Upon finding it in his drawer last week, you laughed hysterically and made him put it on for a Polaroid. You’ve also requested it every time you’ve stayed over since.

In front of you again, with the correct shirt, he kneels down and pats the outside of your thighs. “Can you stand for me, sweetheart?”

Using his shoulders as support, you stand on sea legs, swaying back and forth as he looks up at you. “Can I take off your skirt, darlin’?”

“Yeah, you can, cutie.” You giggle and sway wider, playing with the curls at the top of his head, turning his head to your will as he unbuttons and unzips your denim skirt. “You got some grays mixed in here, mister.”

“M’getting old, Mari. No surprises there.” He chuckles and helps you lift each foot to step out of the tube of material completely, rubbing a hand on your calf before he stands in front of you again. He’s faced with a pout, brows knit together in anger.

“You’re not getting old. You’re literally in your thirties. Not old.”

“Say that to the gray hairs then, sweetheart.”

“Gray hairs—“ Hiccup. “Mean nothing ‘sides the fact that you’re gonna be a silver fox. My silver fox.”

A content smile, closed lips, pulls the corners of your mouth up. Heavy eyelids cover your irises halfway, the sight of you so drunkenly drowsy is utterly adorable to him. Fingers grip the bottom of your tank top, kissing your forehead.

“Can I take off your shirt?”

“Take it all off, bay-beeee.” Your swaying causes you to stumble again, Joel catching you before you fall back onto the bed. Once you’re steady, your own hands slip under his shirt, running over his tummy while you press sloppy kisses into his neck. “Mm, want you so bad, J.”

“I love you, darlin’, and you know I want you all the time, but not tonight. You need to get some water and go to sleep. For a while.” A defeated sigh blows against his skin, rocking back on your heels and Joel holding your weight to bring you to stand straight again. “Arms up, baby.”

You comply without another ask, lifting your arms as if they’re heavy weights, allowing Joel to tug the material over your head. With a slight slap sound, your arms drop back against your sides. Joel takes off your bra for you and gets you into his t-shirt, giving you a small kiss. He walks you to your side of the bed, tucking you in.

“Be right back, sweet girl. Gonna get you some water and then you can go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” You sigh, nesting into the sheets and duvet. Your eyes close, soft hums filling the room as he runs downstairs, filling a glass of water and grabbing ibuprofen to leave at your bedside for the morning.

Returning to his room, he coaxed you to sit up, having you drink half the glass. He changes for bed himself, stripping down to his boxers and slipping under the covers, pulling you closer with an arm around your waist.

“G’night, Mari.”

“Mm, night, J. Thanks for coming to get me and bringing me home. Like sleeping next to you lots more than a sleepover with my friends…”

“Like sleeping next to you too, Mari. Missed you all night. M’glad you’re home now.”

“Nightie night.”

“Nightie night, sweet girl. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” He pinches your side playfully, breathing a laugh out of his nose at your yelp and squeezing you closer. With a kiss to the top of your head, he lulls you to sleep with his fingertips running up and down your spine, thoughts going right back to those flash images of a future with you.

“Love you, Mariposa.”

There’s an ache all over your body, eyes too sore and crusted over with sleep to peel open when you first wake up. Light peeks through the curtains, shining onto the bed and directly at your face, making you groan into the pillow and attempt to roll over.

Unfortunately, your body is telling you to get up, find water or pain meds or some coffee, you really wouldn’t be all too picky at this moment. Rolling over onto your back, you reach out to your side and feel bedding underneath your hand, pouting to yourself when you finally open your eyes and see Joel’s gone. As you sit up, you can hear the shower turn on in the bathroom attached to his bedroom and you can hear some quiet humming from the other side of the door. A smile crosses your face, the idea of a shower nestling itself in your mind and feeling like it would be the only thing to get rid of all of this hangover.

On the nightstand next to you, there are two burgundy-colored tablets and a half glass of water, vaguely remembering last night when Joel made you drink the other half before going to sleep. Washing down the ibuprofen with the entirety of the water, you start to recount what you can recall from the night before, cringing internally when you get to the point that Joel showed up to pick you up. You don’t really remember getting home, but looking down at the t-shirt you’re wearing clues you in that Joel must have done most of the work to get you into bed.

Slipping out from under the duvet, you set the empty glass back down and slink over to the bathroom, twisting the knob and opening the door. The squeak of the hinges breaks your sneaking attempt and Joel’s humming stops.

He speaks up over the sound of the water, “Mariposa? That you?”

“I sure hope no one else would be sneaking into the bathroom this morning. Unless you have another drunk girlfriend you had to pick up from the bar,” you laugh at the self-deprecating joke, picking up your toothbrush and squeezing out a dollop of toothpaste to clean your teeth. And to get rid of the taste of tequila lingering on your tongue.

The shower curtain slides back a bit and Joel’s head sticks out, goofy grin on his face with curls hanging on his forehead. “Nah, just got the one. How’re feeling this morning?”

“Like I got beat up by a bunch of vodka sodas and a couple of tequila shots.” Your words are muffled around the foamy toothpaste, leaning back against the counter facing him.

“Yeah, you were pretty drunk, darlin’. But it was honestly cute, you’re a funny drunk.”

Turning back toward the sink, you fold over the sink to spit out and rinse your mouth out, groaning softly, “God, please tell me I didn’t do or say anything embarrassing.”

“Nothin’ too bad, but there were some things that I will be committing to memory,” Joel laughs and winks, the noise getting louder as you groan again and roll your head back.

“This is the worst part about getting drunk. People holding stupid shit you said over your head.” Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you look at Joel across the few feet separating you and watch him shake his head and grin sweetly.

“I’ll tell you what you said, sweetheart, but I think you’re in too physically fragile of a state right now.”

“God, you are right about that,” you sigh and shake your head, propping yourself off the counter you were leaning on, crossing the tiles to be only a foot from Joel’s face, “Can I join you? A shower sounds like exactly what I need right now.”

He nods quickly, halfway through the question and you chuckle at the antics, pulling the t-shirt over your head and slipping off your panties to leave both in a heap with Joel’s clothes. He opens the curtain for you and steps back toward the other wall while you close the curtain and drag yourself under the stream of water.

A sigh relaxes your chest and shoulders, closing your eyes as you let the warm water run all over you. Joel’s hands brush across your skin, the feeling of his work-worn palms sending a tingle of excitement down your skin and chilling your body even under the hot water. His thumbs cup under your breasts while the rest of his fingers splay out on your ribcage, tips of them toward your back as he holds you closer to him.

“Mm, you’re so beautiful, d’you know that, mi Mariposa? La mujer más hermosa del mundo (The most beautiful woman in the world),” Joel mumbles against your skin when he nestles into the crook of your neck, curving his back to fit with you perfectly. His hands wander from your ribs, circling around your back and drifting down to the swell of your ass where they settle with a gentle squeeze.

“I think I’m getting better at Spanish 'cause I understood that. And it was very sweet, thank you, J. I think you’re the most beautiful man in the world.” You giggle and feel Joel exhale a chuckle against your neck, peppering slow and spaced kisses along your shoulder.

“You also told me something else about what you think of me last night. Well, it was to one of your friends but you were still on the phone with me so I heard,” he stretches to full height again with a smug smirk, squeezing your ass again as you sigh.

“Oh god, what did I say to you? Did I feed your massive ego?” you tease, bringing your hands up to his shoulders and lightly scratching your nails against his skin.

“I learned that I am a DILF last night. Or according to you, I am a DIAF to you. Dad I Am Fucking.” He can barely get the last sentence out around his loud laugh, your embarrassed reaction of wide eyes and jaw dropped egging him on more.

“Stop, I cannot believe I said that. And that you heard! You’re never going to let me live that down.”

“Not a chance, sweetheart. Not a chance,” Joel can’t wipe the giggly smile off of his face as he continues, “Oh, and you also were definitely really into me getting you into pajamas last night. I asked if I could take off your shirt and you said ‘Take it all off bay-beeee’. Which was very tempting.”

“Oh my god, if you don’t stop telling me all of this right now, I won’t take anything off for you again.” It’s a thinly veiled threat, both of you know it holds zero weight.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop.”

“Thank you,” you breathe out as you turn toward the shelf in the shower, reaching for the body wash before Joel intercepts your hand, holding it in his and lowering it to your side. He presses his chest to your back, the contact also nudging his hard cock into the flesh of your ass.

“Y’know, I woke up this morning after you were all over me last night with a fucking hard on. Aching for you. And then you come in here and ask to join me in the shower, made it come right back…” he leans down, kissing your shoulder, up your neck and to your ear, “D’you still want me, Mariposa? Hm?”

One of his hands drifts to your inner thighs, coaxing your legs apart and swiping two fingers from your entrance to your clit. Your arousal coats his fingers, a quiet whimper leaving your lips in an exhale, eyes closing and head rolling back against his shoulder.

“You still want me, mi dulzura? Feels like you do,” his lips are against your ear, voice low and gravelly, and he slowly circles your clit as you continue to whimper and writhe in his arms, “Sounds like you do, too, mi amor. Y’know, we have the whole house to ourselves, Mariposa. I want you to be loud for me while I touch you. Understand?”

Lost in the sparks of pleasure slowly building, your words get caught in your throat as one of your arms reaches up to wrap around to the nape of his neck. At the lack of response to his question, Joel pinches your clit before pulling his hand away.

“No, no, no, please. I understand. I’ll be loud for you, J. Please touch me…”

You grip the curls at the back of his head, biting your lip and opening your eyes again to look at Joel’s head at your side. His hand comes back, his thumb rubbing your clit while his middle finger sinks into you until the first knuckle. He keeps his eyes on your face, slowly working the finger in and out of your cunt, never giving it to you fully.

“Fuck, don’t tease me, Joel. Please, pretty please, gimme more.”

A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest, his nose nudging at your cheek to turn your head straight toward the tiled wall, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your jaw.

“You want more, Mariposa?”

“Pleasepleaseplease.”

“Mm, and are you going to be good? Give me all your pretty sounds that I love?” Joel pushes his entire middle finger into you now, holding it there, “If I give you what you want, you gotta be loud for me, pretty girl.”

“I will, I promise.” You wiggle your hips to get any more friction building, grumbling in frustration when Joel’s other arm tugs your hips back against him, strapping you to him like a seatbelt. The thumb against your clit leaves, and as you’re about to complain again, Joel adds another finger and starts to thrust them in and out frenetically, the heel of his palm rubbing the sensitive bud at the front of your folds.

A sinful moan rolls from your gut, bouncing off of the walls of the shower and drowning out the sound of the water for a few seconds. You can feel Joel’s satisfied smirk against your skin, his mouth dipping to the crook of your neck to suck at your pulse point and leave his mark. His hand continues its rapid pace, your legs bending as they start to give out the closer you reach to the edge. To attempt to hold your weight, you lean your arms against the tiles, feeling yourself being held up by Joel’s arm tightened across your hips.

“Fuck, Joel, feels so fucking good. Oh!” Your voice pitches up when his fingers graze that spot inside your walls, the sound catching in your throat. Joel pushes deeper with his fingers, hooking them to find that same spot and petting against it with small strokes of his fingers. The sounds coming from you are uncontrollable, head falling back against his shoulder as a mess of his name, lustful whimpers and whines, and wanton moans echo in the steaming shower.

“That’s it, pretty girl, I can feel how close you are. Nearly squeezing my fingers out of ya.” Joel’s small groan vibrates against your shoulder, his hard-on being pressed into your back and leaking pre-cum. You can feel yourself clench around his fingers, the edges of your vision blurring as you near your peak. “Gonna come for me, Mari? Gonna be a good girl and come all over my hand so you can be ready for my cock?”

His words are the final push, pleasure oozing around his fingers and dripping down your folds, warmth spreading in your body as your nerve endings tingle. You can hear yourself moaning his name, small encouragements spoken in your ear as Joel continues to fuck his fingers into you throughout your orgasm. When you’re fully present in your body again, Joel slips his fingers out of you slowly, turning your head and kissing you deeply.

“Need you so fucking bad, Mariposa,” he says against your lips, kissing you fervently before speaking again, “Wanna bend you over and make you take my cock, and you’ll tell me how good it feels filling you up. You want it, pretty girl?”

“Need it, J. Please, I need you so bad.” You kiss him this time, pressing your hips back and grinding against his cock, the rumble of a mouth muffled into your mouth as your tongues meld together. Joel pulls away and grips your hips, turning both of you so his back is facing the stream of water.

“Hands against the wall, amor, arch your back for me—” You follow his instructions with one of his large hands skimming along your spine, folded to an angle at your hips. “That’s it, baby. So good for me.”

Joel takes his cock in his hands, teasing his tip at your entrance and earning a whine from you. A dark laugh is heard faintly from behind you, an equally quiet sigh of relief when he gives you just the tip.

“Mm, fuck, Mari. Estás tan apretado, y húmedo, y cálido. Nunca me voy a cansar de este coño. (You’re so tight, and wet, and warm. I’m never going to get tired of this pussy.)”

Before you can formulate any sort of response, despite not fully knowing what he said, Joel gives you a few more inches of his cock, stuttering out a moan from you before his hips set a rough, desperate pace. Grunts and groans, moans and whimpers fill the bathroom, your names exchanged back and forth as he fucks you from behind. His hands hold tightly onto your hips, digging in to surely form bruises to match the hickey at your collar, and to keep you from being rammed into the wall with how hard his thrusts are.

“More, fuck, gimme all of it, J. Want you to fill me up, make it hard to fucking walk straight.”

There’s a vibrating rumble that resonates in your own chest, Joel completely pulling out on the downstroke and heaving his chest up and down with shallow breaths.

“Fucking dirty girl. Mi chica sucia. Filthy, baby.” He runs his fingers down the line of your spine, still arched for him. You feel him lined up at your entrance again, whimpering for him and pressing your hips back to try to get him inside. Joel chuckles, shaking his head, “Mm, can’t get enough of my cock, can you, sweetheart? Greedy little thing.”

Your jaw drops open with a toe-curling moan, Joel’s hips thrusting his throbbing cock into your waiting cunt to fill you completely, the same rough and hard pace set as he makes you knock forward and brace against the wall with every movement.

“Take it, darlin’. Oh, fuck, aguantarla. Puedes aguantarla, mi dulzura. (Oh, fuck, take it. You can take it, my sweetness.)” Joel’s head rolls back with another guttural moan, tilting forward to watch his cock disappearing into your dripping hole. “Fuck, such a pretty pussy. And it’s all fucking mine, isn’t that right, Mariposa?”

“Y-Yes! Fuck yeah, it’s all yours, J. No one could ever fuck me like you,” you glance over your shoulder and he makes eye contact, a wide, knowing smile on his face. Your cunt clenches around his cock, his brutal pace hurtling you toward the edge. Just as you’re about to ask for that little bit more, he reads your mind and slips one of his hands around your front, errantly rubbing circles in your clit.

“Can feel you around me, Mari, know you’re close. You gonna let me fill you up with my come? Gonna milk my cock with your tight pussy?”

All you can do is nod, eyes shutting tightly as moans squeak out of you. One hand reaches back to grip his wrist as he keeps you right there at the edge.

“Say it, baby. Say it back to me and I’ll let you come. Give you just what you need.”

A deep breath brings enough air into your lungs to rasp out, “Please fill me up, Joel. Wanna milk your cock of everything you can give me, want you to be dripping out of me all day. Remind me of how only you can have my pussy.”

“Fuck yeah, that’s right, sweetheart. Such a good girl.” Joel eyes that you have a hand bracing you still, letting go of your hip as he fucks you, rubbing your clit continuously. He reaches his free hand around to your mouth, prodding his thumb at your lips and humming when you take it into your mouth and suck. After a minute, he pops out his saliva covered digit and brings it back to your body, pushing into the tight ring of muscle facing him. The sensation of stimulation at all three places barrels you to your high, pussy gripping his cock as everything tenses and pleasure rocks your body and clears your mind.

With the tightness felt in both holes around him, Joel takes one, two, three more thirsts before he’s spilling into you, ropes of come coating your walls and lazy jerks of his hips fucking it deeper into you.

After a moment, Joel pulls out of you slowly, gathering all that dribbles out of you and pushing it back inside with his fingers, causing a shudder down your spine.

The two of you come down from your peaks, the water running cold now. Still needing to clean yourselves, Joel washes your body while you shampoo and condition his hair as he folds over to gently exfoliate your legs. The tasks get swapped, Joel washing your hair while you wash his body.

Stepping out, he grabs a towel for you, wrapping it around you tightly and giving you a sweet, chaste kiss. He gets another towel for himself, both of you drying off and heading back into his bedroom to get dressed again.

You sit on the edge of his bed in your clothes from last night, one of his shirts pulled over your tank top and tucked into your skirt. As you comb your fingers over your wet hair, you look at Joel as he pulls on a pair of jeans standing next to his closet.

“Hey, I have a question for you, actually.”

“Shoot, darlin’.”

“Am I remembering correctly that last night when you came to the bar, you were acting a little jealous toward Colton? Did you think he was flirting with me or something and you got all possessive?” you giggle quietly.

Joel blushes and shakes his head with an overexaggerated eye roll. “Pffft, no. Don’t remember it happening like that, probably a bit clouded in your memory.”

Laughing more, you stand up and cross over to him, hands splayed on his soft tummy and head tilted away from him.

“Oh, sure. Sure, J, we’ll go with that if it makes you feel better.” Reaching up you give his cheek a gentle pat and wink at him, giggling faintly before he gathers you up in his arms and gives you a kiss.

“Good, 'cause it does make me feel better. ‘Sides can you blame me for getting a little jealous? We’ve waited like three years to get this right with each other, m’not letting it go.”

“Me neither, which is why you don’t ever have to be jealous cause it’s only you, baby.” You send him a wink and a grin, giving him a kiss before you both hear the front door open, Tommy’s voice echoing upstairs as he calls out for Joel. He looks down at you, biting his lip.

“I didn’t think he’d be bringing Sarah home this early. Uh, d’you mind that he’s here or should I jus’ say…” he trails off awkwardly, waiting for your thoughts on how to broach the fact that you’re over here, in Joel’s shirt and clearly have stayed the night with your wet hair from the shower.

“If you’re fine with him knowing, we can tell him. That is if Sarah hasn’t spilled the beans already.” Joel laughs faintly and nods, running his hands up and down your arms.

“That is highly possible. But guess we’ll have to find out when we head downstairs. And I’m apologizing now for any stupid shit my brother says.”

“You act like I don’t know Tommy already.”

“You don’t know Tommy as my girlfriend. He’s going to give you some shit, and he’s going to give a lot to me for keeping it from him.”

“Think I can survive Tommy Miller. Now, c’mon, get a shirt on, and let’s go. I need some coffee.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Joel descendsed the stairs ahead of you, rounding the corner into the kitchen and greeting his brother as Tommy pours himself a cup of coffee. Sarah is already at the table, cereal bowl in front her as she eats and reads her book. Joel grabs two mugs from the cabinet, earning a confused look from Tommy before you walk into the room, the confusion melting into mischief. His brother nudges at Joel’s arm and winks.

“Ah, así que esta es la razón de su aventura nocturna en la ciudad. Puedo ver por qué estabas tan desesperada por mi ayuda. (Oh, so this is the reason for your late-night adventure into the city. I can see why you were so desperate for my help.)”

Joel’s eyes roll into the back of his head, “Cállate, Tommy. Necesitaba que la llevaran a casa, así que le di una. (Shut up, Tommy. She needed a ride home, so I gave her one.)”

“Claro, claro. Un paseo. (Sure, sure. A ride.)”

“Pendejo de mierda (Fucking dumbass).”

“¿Qué? No estoy diciendo que haya algo malo en ello. Estoy feliz de ver a su hijo si significa que usted consigue algunos. Finalmente. (What? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I am happy to watch your child if it means you getting some. Finally.)” He laughs when Joel glares at him, Tommy crossing over to the table and covering Sarah’s ears. “Además, ella está jodidamente caliente. No sé lo que ve en un viejo como tú. (Plus, she’s fucking hot. Don’t know what she sees in an old man like you.)”

“Yo tampoco. Y deja de hablar de ella así. (I don’t either. And stop talking about her like that.)” Joel’s voice grits out the last sentence, his short fuse being tested with Tommy’s teasing this morning.

“No, realmente, ella es casi diez años más joven y podría conseguir a quien quisiera, pero ¿eres tú? Mejor empieza a apostar por los caballos, hermano. (No, really, she’s almost ten years younger and could get anybody she wanted, but it’s you? Better start betting on the horses, brother.)” His younger brother comes back to stand next to him, picking up his mug and taking a sip.

“Déjalo. (Quit it.)” Joel sends him another glare, grabbing the milk out of the fridge to add some to your cup.

“Maldita sea, tal vez tengo que contratar a una niñera para Sarah cuando está en mi casa. O tal vez la contrate yo mismo. (Damn, maybe I gotta hire a nanny for Sarah when she’s at my house. Or maybe I’ll hire her myself.)”

When Joel looks back at Tommy, he sees him eyeing you as you talk to Sarah at the table, smacking him upside the back of his head.

“Tommy, si no te callas la mierda ahora mismo, lo juro por Dios. (Tommy, if you don’t shut the fuck right now, I swear to god.)”

“Qué? Ella tu novia ahora? (What? She your girlfriend now?)” The young Miller questions, raising an eyebrow.

“Sí, lo es. Así que deja de hablar de lo caliente que es mi novia. (Yeah, she is. So stop talking about how hot my girlfriend is.)” Joel states matter-of-factly, shutting the fridge after returning the jug of milk.

“I understood some of that actually,” you say with a proud smile on your face, one of eager mischief on Tommy’s across the room.

Joel whips his head to you, wide eyes, “What did you understand?”

“You called him an asshole. Something about Sarah. The word girlfriend was thrown in there.”

Joel sighs quietly in relief, picking up your prepared mug of coffee.

“Oh, and something about you being old. And that your brother thinks I’m hot. ” Tommy sputters on his drink as he starts to laugh loudly, a deep blush warming Joel’s cheeks. You walk over to him and take the mug out of his hand, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Cause you’re not old and Tommy just wishes he wasn’t single at thirty years old.”

Joel laughs and Tommy waves your comment off, rolling his eyes before winking at you, “Oh please, you wish you found me before this old man.”

“Sure, Tommy. You can think that all you want, but I met you both on the same day.” Joel barks out a laugh, a smug grin on his face from you holding your own toward Tommy.

Joel looks at his brother, a smile growing on Tommy’s face, “Well, maybe you needed to get your eyes checked that day, Posey. Cause you’d have to be blind to not pick me over the decrepit ass.”

“Y’know, I’m happy to set you up with one of my friends. She likes the type of cute guys who think they’re funny.”

“I know I’m funny, Posey, so not sure if it’s gonna work out. But yes, I would like to be set up with this friend of yours, please…” You laugh and nod, sipping your coffee before answering.

“I’ll work some magic for ya, Tommy.”

“I like this one, Joel, better keep her around so she can be my wingman.”

“You say ‘this one’ as if there have been others,” Joel rolls his eyes and continues, “And I certainly don’t need your advice on that front Tommy. She’s got me as long as she wants me, but please dear god, you should not be his wingwoman. Don’t subject yourself to that torture, Mari.”

The three of you chat to catch up, Tommy genuinely asking about your time in Boston and telling you how glad he is that you’re back around to make his people happy again. The comment swells your heart before your attention is pulled to Sarah as she asks about having a sleepover with you.

“I would love to throw a sleepover with you, sweet pea. I’ll bring over all the goodies to your house and we can stay in your room and watch movies and paint our nails and do all the fun girly things.”

“Yes! And Daddy and Uncle Tommy aren’t allowed ‘cause no boys.” She points at the two of them, both of them frowning and sighing.

“Can I at least be at home, mija?” Joel jokes, and the three of you laugh as Sarah seriously considers her answer.

“Yeah, that’s fine, but you gotta leave us to do the sleepover things ourselves.”

“Deal, Bug. I can do that.”

“Oh yes! It’s all decided then, we’ll have a sleepover when your week at camp is over.” You clap your hands together and grin, already planning everything you need to do this week to prepare for it.

“Damn, Mari, you brought a lot of stuff for one night with Sarah.” Joel eyes you from head to toe, a duffle on your arm, and shopping bags in your hands. He takes the plastic bags from you, holding the back door open for you before following you over to the island to set down all of your purchases. “You do know it’s only Sarah, right, darlin’? None of her friends are coming. This is a practice run for a sleepover.”

“I know, but I wanted to make the first girly sleepover she has at her house fun. I loved having my friends stay over when I was younger, and I dunno, you’re a boy so you don’t get it.” Rustling around in the bags, you start to pull out snacks and candy, along with fun new nail polishes and nail stickers, new hair clips, some young-girl-friendly makeup, and new pajamas for Sarah and you.

“Sweetheart, this is all really nice, but let me give you some money for it all. This is a ton of stuff.” Joel glances at the counter covered in supplies, and before you can answer he’s walking to the front door to get his wallet from the entryway table.

You call out after him, “I’m not going to take it so don’t bother trying! It wasn’t even that much anyway.”

Popping back around the corner into the kitchen, cash in hand, he shakes his head with a mocking laugh, “You’re funny. Even if it was five dollars, I’m giving you ten. Now please take the cash.”

Joel stops in front of you, hand out with a hundred in his hand. A dry laugh leaves your chest, pushing his hand away as you continue to sort through everything from the shops, “Not happening. This was way less than a hundred dollars too, so definitely not accepting that. Go put it back in your wallet, Miller.”

“You’re so goddam stubborn sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah, and you’re not?”

“Hey, I didn’t say that. I know I’m stubborn, that’s why this argument is happening. And why I am about to do this.” Joel steps behind you, slipping the bill into the back pocket of your shorts. You groan, fishing it out and shoving it back in his hand, pushing at his chest.

Joel rebuttals with another attempt, stepping toward you but you step back, backing around to the other side of the counter as he follows closely. You hold your arms out to keep space between the two of you, not being able to hold back a laugh as you start to pick up the pace in your cyclical chase.

“Joel! I’m not taking your damn money, leave it!”

“Mariposa, please, we both know I am way more stubborn than you and m’not gonna stop unless you take it.”

Shaking your head, you turn around to actually move into a speedwalk-jog kind of walk around the kitchen, serpentining your steps.

“Darlin’, I can still catch you if you walk like that.”

“Well, I’d like to see you try.”

Joel takes that statement as a challenge, suddenly catching up with you and wrapping his arms to your front, slipping the bill in the waistband of your shorts before letting you go, putting his hands up in the air.

Wordlessly, you snatch the money from your bottoms, throw it on the counter, and go back to the pile of purchases on the counter. After all of that, you start to unload the drinks in the fridge and open the pantry to throw the sweets and other snacks on one of the shelves. Joel stands and watches you, eyes going back and forth between following your movements to all of the things lying out, including the money.

A feeling kicks up in your chest, tightening your insides with a wring. Small moments send you back to feelings like these, unsupported by actual occurrences but your brain doesn’t care about what actually happens; it prefers the what-ifs. What if this doesn’t last, what if you’re too young, what if you’re too anxious, too broken, too much and it all comes crumbling from under you before you fully realize it? What if this is one of those moments you look back on as a sign? It’s taut and consuming, begging you to say something about it to release the corkscrew.

“If this is too much or if I’m overstepping a — I don’t know — a parental boundary 'cause she’s not my kid, and I know that, of course, but I wanted to do this for Sarah. M’not the nanny that you have to reimburse anymore, I just thought it would be fun to make it like how my sleepovers used to be as a kid…”

Joel’s brows stitch together with what looks like confusion or concern, rounding the kitchen island and standing next to you. A hand on your hip closest to him presses into the flesh there, turning you toward him as the other hand reaches up to tilt your chin to him. Your eyes avoid his, embarrassment heating your body with licks of flames.

“Can you look at me? Please?” His voice is unwavering but shy, boyish. You answer with a flick of up, meeting his own stare. “Mari, sweetheart, this isn’t about anything like that. I know you aren’t ‘the nanny’ anymore, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think you were ever just ‘the nanny’ to either of us. I was being pigheaded, and I didn’t want you to take on doin’ all of this yourself. It’s jus’ automatic for me to want to cover for Sarah, with any sort of activity. Not that I don’t want you to do all of this. I can’t even begin to explain how much it means to me that you care so much for Sarah. I’m just, I’m being her dad. And not giving you the means to do things for her yourself. M’sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, J. I should have better explained myself from the beginning. I want to be a part of your lives, I want to….I don’t know, I don’t want to take the place of her mom, obviously, but I want to be someone she can do girly things with if we’re gonna be together for a while—”

“Not if, Mari. I don’t plan on letting you go without a serious fight,” Joel’s thumb brushes against your cheek as he holds your gaze, “I am so grateful and so relieved that Sarah has someone like you in her life. ‘Specially right now with everything around her mom leavin’, you’re exactly what she needs. What we both need…I will take the money back. But next time we’re splitting it, and every time after that ‘til it’s time that it’s coming outta a joint account.”

When Sarah arrives home from her playdate, Joel retreats upstairs after ordering pizza for the two of you (and him, because he claimed he was gonna sneak down) to watch something on the small tv in his bedroom. You and Sarah changed into your new pajamas and got all of the snacks moved into the living room, trekking blankets and pillows and stuffed animals from her room and around the house to build a nest on the floor in front of the couch.

Sarah had chosen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants out of the stack of movies you had rented, popping it in and sitting back with you while you had her pick out a color for her nails. The two of you talked about camp and the past school year, her confessing a crush she has on a boy in her camp group this year. There’s only a few details you get from her as you paint her nails, giggling with her when she gets shy and telling her about your first crush.

Sarah eventually is the one to paint your nails, turning out a bit messy and abstract during the process but nonetheless it was fun. As she’s finishing up a second coat on the last nail of yours, the doorbell rings for the pizza and Joel jogs downstairs a minute later to answer the door. Carrying the boxes over to the kitchen after he paid and tipped, he grins at you and nods to the set up.

“Is that every pillow in our house?”

“Well, no, you still have the ones on your bed cause you were sitting on ‘em,” you reply as you walk into the kitchen behind Sarah, fingers splayed apart, careful not to smudge. The younger Miller does the same, looking up at Joel when she stands next to the pizza box.

“Daddy, can you get the slices for me? I don’t want to mess up my nails that Posey painted for me. Look at them! They’re so pretty!” She raises her arms up to give Joel a look, his hand taking one of hers and inspecting it.

“Gosh, Bug, these are just gorgeous. Mari did a great job,” he grins at you, giving you a wink at the same time an idea pops into yours.

“I could do your nails, J. They could match Sarah’s!” Your suggestion is immediately supported by his daughter, her small stature jumping up and down in front of him.

“Yes, yes! You need to get your nails painted, Daddy!”

“Wasn’t this sleepover ‘no boys allowed’?” he arches a brow before he grabs a piece of pizza, plopping it on a plate for Sarah to take into the other room, “If I can stay for longer than it takes to paint my nails and hang out and eat your snacks, you can absolutely paint my nails.”

Sarah takes her plate from her dad, grinning ear-to-ear as she retreats back to the blanket nest. Joel makes a plate for you, carrying it out with his own and setting them on the coffee table. With a groan, he lowers himself to the ground, leaning his back against the couch and holding out his hands to you.

“Go for it, sweetheart.”

“D’you want the same thing as Sarah or something different?”

“Hmm, what d’you think, mija? Should we match?”

“I think you should give Daddy the color I gave you, Posey. It’s so pretty!” she leans back against you, using you as a backrest while she eats her pizza carefully with her wet nails, engrossed in the movie.

“Alright, guess it’s decided then. We’ll be matching,” you smile at him, taking one hand in yours to pull it closer, relaxing it against your thigh as you open the polish bottle. Concentrating on the tasks at hand, Joel wiggles his fingers when you aren’t in the midst of painting to get your attention, holding up a piece of pizza near your face.

“Eat, darlin’. Gotta fuel your artistic brain,” he winks and smiles sweetly at you, earning a quiet laugh before you lean in and take a bite chewing as you go back to painting. You switch hands after a few more bites, giving him a break to eat his own pizza and you yours while the three of you watch the movie. Once your job is done, you close the bottle tight and set it on the table, getting Sarah’s attention to look at it.

“How’d I do, Sare-Bear? Does your dad look pretty?” Her giggles pull some from all of you, nodding and clapping her hands together.

“Daddy, you need some of my pretty stickers and then Posey needs to take a picture with her camera.” Sarah stands and moves over to the pile of beauty supplies, grabbing the pack of nail stickers you bought and picking out a sheet. She sits next to Joel, stickering around his face as he closes his eyes and lets it all happen.

“Is this what happens all the time at girl sleepovers?” He peeks an eye open at you, getting a wide smile and shrug.

“Guess we’ll have to have some more for you to really find out.” Sarah steps back from her handiwork, and you pick up the Polaroid camera, lining up the shot from the side of Joel where there’s multiple star stickers clustered around his eyes. The shutter snaps when he looks at you, spitting out the image. You hand it to Sarah to watch it develop, showing you both quickly before going to hang it on the fridge along with a few other of your shots. You snap another of him looking at you directly, soft rounded eyes filled with affection.

Once you set the camera down, holding onto that photo for yourself, his hands find your thighs, running over the soft cotton of your PJ pants.

“Thank you for doin’ this for her, she hasn’t been this happy and giggly since before you left last summer.” Joel leans in, giving you a gentle, lingering kiss. “I love you. So, so much, Mari.”

Instead of answering, you give him another kiss before Sarah walks back in, settling between the two of you on the floor nest, cuddling up within your little unit of three to finish out the movie.

A few nights after your slumber party, you sneak over to Joel’s again before bed, using the key to the back door that he had made for you. He’s sitting on the couch, a line of sight to the door and a sleepy smile tugging at his lips when he sees you.

Padding your feet across the floors, you climb onto the couch next to him and curl your legs under you while you lean into his side. His arm wraps you up and his lips press against your forehead with a content sigh.

“Hi, Mari.”

“Hey, J.”

“How was your day, darlin’?” he asks as he turns off the TV, fingers ghosting up and down your bicep.

“Good, it was good. Babysat for the O’Connors today with the little baby. She’s so adorable, just a day full of baby giggles.” You grin and Joel smiles back at you, nodding along, “And then after that I drove to therapy and had that for an hour and then went home and waited to come see you.”

“M’very glad you’re here. Can’t sleep without you anymore,” he kisses your temple, “How was therapy, amor?”

“Today was a little hard. Talked more about maybe looking into medicine cause I feel like it isn’t fully there yet. But I do feel like I am happy. Like in my heart. My brain just can't keep up. Still have a lack of interest in things and not a lot of energy like I used to.”

Joel hums an acknowledgment, looking down at you on his shoulder, “M’here if you need to talk about anything, sweet girl.”

“I know. Thank you,” you give him a chaste kiss, smiling drowsily, “How was your day?”

“Pretty alright. Had to go fill in for someone who called in sick today at a job site so I’m exhausted from all the lifting and using machinery. But the framing is all done which means there’s something that looks like a house standing on the lot,” Joel chuckles softly and glances out the front window, “And then, uh, ran into your mom when I got home. She must’ve been running out for something but she stopped to talk and invited me and Sarah and Tommy to celebrate the Fourth with y’all.”

You sit up, grinning excitedly, “Really? Oh my gosh, that will be so fun. Our first official holiday together. Even though it’s just the Fourth of July. Kind of lame.”

Joel chuckles along with you, nodding his head and avoiding your eyes, “I mean, I told her yes ‘cause I didn’t think you’d mind. But the more I got to thinkin’, I guess, I just—I think I need some more time before we tell your parents about us.”

Your face falls before you can hide it, Joel’s hand immediately reaching to cup your cheek delicately, “M’sorry, sweet girl. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do it at a family event and maybe it might be best if we can sit them down sometime to talk about it all.”

A slow nod keeps you quiet, in your thoughts, rambling out an agreement as you bring your eyes to Joel’s again, “Yeah, yeah, I understand. I agree. Would be best to wait a little while longer.”

“Thank you, darlin’. M’so glad you agree. We’ll find the right time, eventually,” Joel gives you a tender kiss, lingering against your lips for a few more dopey exchanges. He pulls away, standing up and gathering you up with him, leading you to his bedroom and getting into bed with you, “Night, Mariposa. Love you.”

“Night, J,” you reply meekly, the small sound of your voice easily brushed off as fatigue. Joel keeps you close, spooning you with his front against your chest, falling asleep behind you quickly. You can’t rest, especially after that short and decided conversation.

Why did you agree so easily? And why was he even asking for more time? His daughter knows, his brother knows, your friends know. What’s any different about your family? Is he afraid that if he breaks your heart he’ll have to move? But why would he even think about that possibility when all he’s told you is how much he loves you, how he’ll be yours until you want nothing to do with him anymore?

Every reassurance that he’s given you is flooding your mind, those doubts and fears worming their way into the sweet memories and poisoning them with twisted words.

Every time he’s said he loves you, does he mean it? Or is he only saying it to say it, to placate your anxieties about the future of you two by committing in a way?

Is this push back about telling your family a response to you not being ready to say ‘I love you’ back? Is he getting fed up with waiting for it?

Are you too much too quickly? Weaving yourself too tightly into his life and his daughter’s life? Is he going to start to drift, to put off telling your parents until he can end it?

These thoughts cycle in an endless loop, keeping you up while Joel sleeps soundly beside you. Nausea stirs in your stomach, rapid heart beating from the spiraling of your mind keeping you wide awake until the early hours of the morning.

The only way you can manage to fall asleep is turning in Joel’s arms, cuddling into his chest and breathing in his scent to halt the carousel of negativity in your brain long enough for his even breaths to lull you to sleep.

One last question flashes to you before you’re finally asleep:

What happens when Summer ends?

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christinesficrecs · 2 years ago

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Anon asked:

Christine! Have you been reading any new Sterek fanfic lately? Do you have recs for fics posted or updated in the last year or so?

Here are the fics I’ve read recently. Some of them are new’ish. Also, check the fic rec friday tag for other great random fics. ❤️

The Lure of Gold by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 25.7K | WIP

Derek’s breath caught when he saw the gold flare in Stiles’ eyes.

There was something deeper in Stiles’ eyes than Derek had seen before—like the golden flicker of a lure, tempting a fish. And it nearly unnerved him.

Like the tale of the siren beckoning the sailor to the rocks, a fool hearted man who agreed too quickly to follow the sweet melody at the price of embracing death. Derek believed that to be a curse, once.

But would death greet such a foolish man if the siren truly wanted him?

and you are the only one, my everything by EvanesDust | 10.9K

Stiles is gay and in love with his best friend, Derek.

Derek is straight. He thought Stiles was, too, but then he walks in on Stiles with a guy and—holy shit!—maybe he's not so straight after all.

Stiles Stilinski's Epic Garage Band Experiment by DiscontentedWinter | 1.1K

“No,” says Dad when Stiles brings home the drum kit from the garage sale down the street. “No, no, no, no, no.”

I Wonder (Whatever Could It Be?) by MadcapRomantic | 10.5K | Explicit

Derek Hale works for the FBI. Intern Stiles Stilinski has moved departments twice, neither at his own request, and Derek is dreading dealing with him.

That is, until he gets a whiff of the kid...

Blindsided by AClosedFicIsNeverRead | 39.6K | Explicit

Derek exhaled tremulously and tried to stay calm. He called several more times, growing steadily more frantic each time, before allowing the truth to settle in: Stiles’ phone was off. “No. No, no, no, please, no,” Derek whispered to himself, barely able to see the screen through his tearful eyes. What had he done? Had he been so blinded by rage that he dismissed Stiles' call for help?

The Stilinski Method by Gia279 | 6.3K

In which Derek thinks he's in a meet cute, and Stiles thinks he's in a paranormal mystery. They're both smitten.

To Have Outlived the Night by stillane | 23.4K | Mature

Derek steps away from the window. “You helped me. They took that as a declaration.”

A Princely Knight by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 25.1K | Mature

He would stand by Stiles’ side, a constant shadow of protection until his death. A life for a life, one worth much more than an orphan turned thief turned royal guard could comprehend. In truth, Derek saw the one person he would gladly give his life for, because Stiles made this world better.

Cookies, coffee and shut the fucupcakes by DropsOfAddiction | 26.2K | Explicit

“Ok. I’ve got a few shirts with me because I came here straight from work, but I think it’s going to be a tight fit. I know I’m not as skinny as I used to be but I’m not exactly the same hunky physique as you, oh grand macho werewolf,” Stiles shrugs.

Derek runs his eyes blatantly over Stiles’ chest.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Derek mutters, and he slams his mouth shut, teeth audibly clacking together, as if he really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Stiles flushes but he heads upstairs to grab Derek a spare dark shirt. When he gets back to the kitchen, Derek’s already shed his dirty shirt and he’s helping himself to Stiles’ half empty mug of coffee, neck thrown back as he drinks.

Stiles literally looks to the heavens because he must have done something really good in a past life to be awarded with the sight of Derek Hale’s naked, very firm, slightly hairy torso parading around his dad’s kitchen before eleven in the morning.

Drinking his coffee. Stiles’ mouth had just been on that mug. Right where Derek’s mouth is.

By elementary school rules of dating (ie sharing a bottle, your mouth touching where someone else’s mouth was just touching, sharing cooties) they’re now married.

Fault Line by MadcapRomantic | 11.8K | Explicit

When Derek comes to, his head hurts.

No, hurts is the wrong word. It's not strong enough. His head feels like it's being split in two, down the middle. His ears are ringing, and his vision is blurred.

But despite it all, strong and crisp and clear, is the underlying scent of home, pack, and mate.

What It Takes To Not Be Broken by Whispering_Sumire | 17.4K | Mature

He's pretty sure Death is nipping at his heels at this point.

But he has to stay awake, has to keep Gerard away from Erica and Boyd, the two Betas still tied up with mountain ash and electricity on the other side of the room, and it looks like they're trying to scream through their duct-tape, still, but he can't hear it, not anymore.

The terrible, all-consuming, staticky silence had over taken him after about the third time Gerard's lackey- Ben, he thinks his name was- had stuck a military grade taser to his ear, a low enough voltage not to cause brain damage, he'd said, because the point of this was for him to talk.

it's obvious, you're oblivious by EvanesDust | 14.8K | Explicit

Derek’s new roommate is alpha bait but seems disinterested in everyone—especially Derek.

Stiles is suddenly popular, but can't seem to catch the interest of the only alpha he actually likes.

...or the one where Stiles and Derek get paired together in room assignments and are secretly in love with the other.

#sterek #sterek fics #ficrecs #fic rec friday #read all the fics

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belphegor1982 · 11 months ago

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Find the word in your WIPs

I was tagged by both @rose-of-pollux and @tuttle4077 for a "Find the word in your WIP" game! Here are the rules: Find the words from the list in your WIPs and post the paragraph they belong to.

Thanks a lot :D They both gave me different words, too, so let's go!

I ended up using What Nightmares May Come (my long HH fic) a lot, if only because it's so long (64k+ words, gah, if only the inspiration could come back!!) but also from The Message (the follow-up to Mon Pays et Paris), three The Mummy WIPs, and one word from a Legend of Vox Machina somewhat long WIP. And since it got so long, I'm putting most of it under a cut ^^'

Tagging @thisstableground, @tinydooms, @laurelindebear, @teashoesandhair, @kabbal and @kaantt 💜

List of (new) words: chase | average | fast | minute | whole

sigh (from The Message, Hogan's Heroes)

“Did you clear that up with Colonel Hogan?” he asked. LeBeau stuck out his chin in a familiar show of stubbornness.

“Of course I did,” he said just a second too quickly.

Kinch shook his head.

“Man, now I know why you won’t play poker with Newkirk. He’d clean you right out.” He sighed. “LeBeau, you can’t just take a radio because you feel like it. Do you know how many of the guys miss listening to the Andrew Sisters or the World Series?”

hint (from A Fifth of Glenlivet, The Mummy)

The tea was light and slightly sweet, with a hint of mint. Egyptian style. Rick – though more of a coffee guy – had to admit that for what he considered to be lightly flavoured hot water, it wasn’t that bad, especially without the obligatory splash of milk generally favoured by the British.

heart (from Manifold, The Mummy)

She waits a little, enjoying the wind on her face and the shade the balloon casts over them; then she asks without looking at him, her voice very low, her heartbeat very loud, “Whom did you fall in love with first: Elizabeth, or Tom?”

toast (from In A Mellow Tone, The Mummy)

“Good Heavens. And I thought my parents had their hands full with me and Evy.” Jonathan put his palm into his hand and grinned. “How much of a scamp were you when you were a kid?”

“Not that much,” Harry said with a sharp smile, “but I usually got away with a lot, even more than Nellie did. You see, I didn’t often let myself get caught.”

“Sound philosophy,” said Jonathan, raising his half-empty pint in a toast Harry met with his own. “So you have four siblings?”

operation (from What Nightmares May Come, Hogan's Heroes)

The conversation in Klink’s office seemed to be over, so Kinch unplugged the coffee pot and replaced the lid. They were all thinking the same thing; all operations would have to come to a complete stop. The absence of the sub already meant they couldn’t go through with their orders of ‘assisting escaping prisoners’; but this meant that the other part, about ‘cooperating with all friendly forces and using every means possible to injure and harass the enemy’, was nixed as well if nobody could set foot outside camp.

_______________________

That's it for Tuttle's words! Now for Rose's :o)

sea (from What Nightmares May Come, Hogan's Heroes)

“Let’s hope that your escape will earn him a one-way ticket to the Russian front,” Hogan grimly quipped, his eyes serious. “In the meantime, you get to stay at the… ‘guerilla Hilton’ for a couple of days, we fit you with civilian clothes and official papers, and you do a little cross-country ‘round the German countryside. There’s a British sub in the North sea, a little off Wangerland. You’ll be in England faster than you can say ‘fish and chips’.”

star (from What Nightmares May Come, Hogan's Heroes)

Hogan whistled between his teeth. “So they’re basically stuck here for God knows how long?”

“Basically.”

“No chance of a plane, I suppose?”

“I asked. Apparently, if our guests were two-star generals, they would consider sending one.” Hogan didn’t miss the discreet sarcasm in his radioman’s deadpan voice.

pleasant (from A Fifth of Glenlivet, The Mummy)

Something loosened in the set of Jonathan’s shoulders.

“Good. Because if you’re planning to steal more toolkits for my sister then it’s better if… Well, you know. She’s had a lot flung at her because she has the gall to be a scholar and a girl, and ‘only half-English’ to boot.”

Something told Rick that particular turn of phrase glossed over many others, much less pleasant. Which both siblings probably had their own share ‘flung at’ them, come to think of it.

walk (from Underture, The Legend of Vox Machina)

Scanlan let his hand fall and rolled his eyes.

“Look, you don’t need to get your panties in a knot. I can see better than you at the moment, so the way I see it there’s only one way you won’t fall behind and get lost.” He walked back to Vax and thrust out his hand with a grin large enough to be obvious even in the dark. “Wanna hold hands?”

linger (from What Nightmares May Come, Hogan's Heroes)

“Oh, perfectly, Major,” Klink muttered in an almost defeated tone, resisting the urge to rub his temples. The lingering headache had been small this morning, the inevitable result of a restless night, but Hochstetter excelled in the art of making migraines in other people’s heads grow in a way even Hogan did not.

Thanks again :o)

#sometimes I write

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spnfanficpond · 2 years ago

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February 2023 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE (you don’t have to be a member) CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for Tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @spnexploration

Words Unsaid (series) by @iprobablyshipit91

It's a great Royal AU with a princess reader and her friend and fencing partner, Dean Winchester. She's down to earth and kickass, far from a princess locked away in a tower. Great writing and really interesting about what might happen next!

~*~*~

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Now and Then (series) by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

I love me some angst and pining and this series DEFINITELY delivers!! If cheating is a trigger for you, then this is not for you, but that's about the only warning I could give. Wanna long for something you can't have? Then read this fic!

Collared (series) by @spnexploration

I've nominated this series before, and I have to nominate it again, because it's getting into the really hard parts, now. They've gotten the collar off of her, and she has to deal with the mental issues that result from everything she's gone through. And there are SO MANY. And no therapists for victims of supernatural assault! Reading how she's trying to work through everything is fascinating!!

28 Days (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Apparently, I'm just into angsty series this month where people have to deal with their shit, because here's another one I'm loving! The cast of characters in this is impressing me more and more as it goes along, too. And poor Dean!! I can't wait to see where this goes!

Handle Me by @icecream-and-gadreel

Breaking my angsty streak here with a Destiel AU that is smutty as all get out! Noodle is back and she hasn't lost a step with her writing!

~*~*~

Nominated by @iprobablyshipit91

Pack (series) by @spnexploration

This series is just starting and it’s already shaping up to be a major comfort fic for me. Dean is so caring and protective already and always leaves me wanting more. There’s also Madison who is the best addition to this story!

Limelight (series) by @talesmaniac89

I love the social media aspect and how this story is told. The different dates the reader goes on with different guys from the series are hilarious and the interactions with Dean are super sweet! I can’t wait to read more

Love On The Brain by @waynes-multiverse

This one shot was just so funny. From Sam scheming, to them running into each other naked, to them just going for it and then finally Sam walking back in. Brilliant!

Last Time? by @smellingofpoetry

This was just really hot. I loved how sassy the reader was at the end when she listed off how many times they’d been together despite it being the last time

~*~*~

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

I Licked It So It's Mine by @cloverhighfive

Very cute and domestic!!! DEAN COOKING!!!

~*~*~

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Twenty Minutes or Less by @iprobablyshipit91

Funny, hot and Dean is cocky but sweet 💖 Loved it.

A Few Moments of Madness by @smellingofpoetry

This was smoking hot, I needed a cigarette after and then THAT ending!! I did not see it coming and its was perfectly delicious!

~*~*~

Nominated by @glygriffe

Dean dancing drabble by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is a cute and wholesome story about a later seasons Dean just enjoying seeing someone being happy!

Reciprocus by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This one is a a Weechester story (I cannot resist a Weechester story) about how a teacher can leave a mark.

If We Make It Through December (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

A Christmas steamy romance story between Donna and Dean!

Dean's Demise in Flower Pics by @cloverhighfive

I didn't think I would find a lot of new stories with the last Fishing for (smutty) treasure weekend. But I still did found some cool and different ones, like this one! It's a visual story board that conveys with very little text what Dean is feeling...!

~*~*~

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Date Night by @princessmisery666

Two of my favorite things: shower sex and period sex. This is so sexy and cute. And the last line is adorable!

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

These are not actual awards, as in, there is no competition! This system is set up so everyone has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author in the Pond that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#angel fish awards #angel fish awards masterlist #spnfanficpond #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #spn fan fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #spn fic rec #supernatural fic rec

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ramsaybaggins · 1 year ago

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Letters with the Kraken for the tag game please!

So, this one is abandoned mostly because someone else posted their version first and I don't want people to think I'm copying their idea, but it was based on that tumblr post going round about a kid sending letters to an aquarium octopus! The idea was Louis wanted to write to a giant pacific octopus at Ed's aquarium, and Stede adds a little note, and basically Ed and Stede fall in love through these letters. Here's a big excerpt as it's likely I'll never post it

When Ed had pulled on his uniform and slid into work through the employee door that morning, he hadn't expected to find something new in his mailbox. It was a letter addressed to "The Giant Pacific Octopus." He tilted his head as he slipped the flap of the envelope open and pulled out two sheets of paper. The top one was written in what was very obviously the hand of a child, the one behind it was much neater. He dropped down into his office chair and got reading.

"Dear Octopus,

My name is Louis Bonnet, and I really love sea creatures. Do you have a name? I asked my dad if octopuses could read and write because I know you're very clever and he said maybe we should write to one to see, and we found out you live a couple of hours away! What is it like being an octopus? What do you do all day? Do you have any friends?

Thank you!

Louis"

Ed couldn't help but smile as he read through the letter again. It was so sweet, and Ed knew exactly what he was going to do before he even read the other sheet. He crossed his legs on his desk and swapped pages.

"Dear keeper,

My name is Stede and I am Louis' dad. He's really taken with the idea of getting a response, whether it's from you or from the 'octopus'. I'm doing my best to encourage his enthusiasm with his interests, so we would really appreciate a response of some kind if you have the time. I completely understand that you may be too busy! I've enclosed a stamped, addressed envelope so it shouldn't put you out any cost or further inconvenience.

Best wishes,

Stede."

Ed scanned the page again. The writing was neat yet pretty, and the signature at the end had a swooping flourish. This Stede guy seemed like a good dad, it made Ed feel warm.Why not indulge the kid, huh? It was nice to see a parent so involved with their child nowadays, Ed saw too many kids come through the aquarium full of awe and excitement, only to have their bored, huffing parents rush them through all of the exhibits. Sure, it wasn't all of them, but it was enough.

He dropped his feet off of the desk and onto the floor, then opened the top drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper. He picked his favourite blue ballpoint pen and got to work drafting a response.

"Hi Louis,

I can't read or write, but my keeper Ed read me your letter and I wanted to respond. I hope you don't mind if he writes it for me. My name is Kraken and I've been living here for nearly a year! It's great being an octopus, my tentacles are really long and strong so I can cause plenty of mischief in my tank! Sometimes I even squirt Ed when he's walking above me. He usually laughs, so I think he likes it, really. I love watching all the people come past my tank every day, humans are so interesting! What's it like being a human? It must be busy! I do have friends. Ed is my friend, and there are plenty of fish and other creatures in my tank to hang out with. I look forward to your next letter!

Yours,

Kraken."

A separate piece of paper awaited his response to Stede’s note.

"Hello Stede,

I'm the octopus keeper at the aquarium, Ed Teach. I hope the letter I've attached 'from' Kraken is okay, thought it might get the fella excited without giving him wrong info. It was great to get your letters, honestly. Been here a long time and I was starting to wonder if I'd run my course, but asking to be penpals with an octopus? Brilliant. You seem like a good dad, it's nice. Feel free to let Louis keep writing, and I'll keep responding. What age is he? Just so I can make sure I'm replying in an age appropriate style, not too many big words or anything.

Yours,

Ed."

#ask game #wip game #ofmd #my wips

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bisexual-horror-fan · 2 years ago

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Bex's Blossom By Kate Winborne Annotations.

Hello, hello, hello! SO! This has been a project that I have been working on since August of 2022. I have been re-reading and annotating Blossom by Kate Winborne or @xmichaelmyers here on tumblr. I love Blossom, it is a fantastic book and when the hardcover update came out I just had to get it! So I did and when I did I thought why not write my thoughts out as I go? I have never annotated a book before. Kate didn’t ask this of me, I am not being paid, this is purely out of the sheer love I have for Kate, her work and these characters. So! Settle in and watch me scream in a spoiler heavy annotation of Blossom. Seriously I talk about spoilery things, if you haven’t read it and want to than please read the book first.

I am going to annotate the next book After The Lamb Bites Back in smaller chunks as I go when I start reading it soon and will post them here on my blog so you can experience my going insane as it is happening! I will give notice and give this a tag if you wanna blacklist for spoilers! Now, under the cut, let’s get into it! Warnings for me being horny on main and discussions of heavy topics and violence and gore. (P.S. Food is a big thing in this book so I outline what I ate before and during and after my reading sessions to be extra.)

—

Starting at 7:41 PM on August 5th. Blossom Re-read of the hardcover edition. Dinner: Chili lime fish tacos with pickled red onions, salsa and chipotle mayo, drinking whisky and ginger ale over ice, snacking on while reading, salted caramel caramilk bar.

What Kate wrote inside the cover is still so sweet. As is the foreword, so much love and so much excitement.

Prolog:

The opening of the women watching their daughters in the park, still hits. That is the first thing from the book I ever read when Kate started posting and it still stands out so well. I want white wine and cheese now.

It is wild how Kate can drop a fucking line about a throw away character, one we just meet, overdosing three hours later, someone we know nothing of and should not give a fuck about and are made to feel and care. Amazing, haunting, I feel bad for his son.

THE WHORE IS HERE.

THE TREES KNOW MORE THAN THEY DARE SAY INDEED!

–

Chapter One

–

I love the description of us truly seeing him, it is so evocative. Also. I am weak. Professor Williamson, has such a good ring to it.

Henry in the showerrrr. All of that is good but the man just going for it and getting off. Amazing image, ten outta ten.

The man eating one packet of oatmeal and not even finishing it and whiskey for dinner while watching a nature show. This man. He needs someone to cook for him. I am that someone.

The first sex scene of the book, Henry taking home a woman from Happy’s is short but vivid. A great insight into him. Henry is not satisfied by this encounter, to me, when reading it, the impression that she is seemingly so into it, so close and intimate, doesn’t make him feel comforted or seen, but rather the opposite. It makes him feel more hollow, more aware of the hunger inside of himself. This is one of the parts I kept thinking about knowing this re-read was coming. Henry is entirely unknowable, this woman and her illusion of closeness only serves to remind him of that. No one can know him, there are things about him that no one could ever understand and so he has to hide them, forget about the fact that he does NOT have the ability to allow someone so close to him or tolerate such vulnerability and honesty and emotional intimacy. What a lonely fucking guy.

The detail of a single hair left behind that he curls around his finger until it breaks really stands out.

He’s got a new casssse!

—

Chapter Two.

—

The casual and consistent use and description of colours is one of my longest standing faves in this book. So effective!

Henry shoving the bible into the nightstand out of sight? Fucking same dude. My guy!

The man packing the alcohol in his bag so fucking neatly to make sure it is safe. To then get drunk and pass the fuck out. He is not okay.

Ahhhhh this discription of The Town is so fucking good!

“-residing alongside the trauma that coated her tongue like honey, sweet as ripe tangerines, but bitter against the back of her throat like coffee grounds.” I still think of this line often. It will pop into my head unbidden frequently.

—

Chapter Three.

—

Henry looking down at his medication with disdain before swallowing them down with cold coffee making me like, hey king you need to talk? Need your dick sucked? You know my number get at me.

I would eat at this hotel's breakfast. I really would.

Blossom is officially here! Vanilla almond milk latte, as someone who has worked in coffee shops since seventeen on and off, reads as a very her drink.

I have always really loved the description of Bethany. The detail of her avocado socks always stuck out. Considering the use of colour Kate applies throughout the whole book I know I should think of them being just the colour avocado, but part of me likes to think of them as printed with little cartoon avocados and that is cute as fuck and I love it.

Blossom sees Henry for the very first time! God, the excitement I feel from this is far too much!

“She wanted to crack him open like an egg, spool through his brains, his guts, burrow herself deep inside his roughness. As if there was a safety to it all. A home in all that damage.” The first line that really hooked me my first read and it still hits. It is a line just so full of, God, promise of so much shit to come.

Henry met Sophie and this time around, I feel differently about it just her saying that nothing bad has ever happened in this town is just, infuriating? On a deep level. Nothing bad has ever happened here? Really Soph? Not even in your own home? You fuck.

I am begging, begging the people in The Town to acknowledge the horrors in front of them as if I am Charlie Day in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia ranting about Pepe Silvia.

Sophie seeing Blossom staring and being like “Please, for once, PLEASE-” and Blossom being like “Ahahaha, no! <3.” Adore it.

—

Chapter Four.

—

Norman has arrived. He wants a steak before seven thirty. This man is an animal and not in the good way. Henry’s reaction is appropriate for once, I too, am disgusted.

Stop judging Sophie! The man BARELY eats, he needs all the nutrition he can get! Let him have his fucking raspberry pie and ice cream!

Discussion of the first two murders. Henry is much too excited by the prospect of a serial killer, which bitch, same?!

Henry going into the detail of the first real gruesome crime scene he was sent to like damn, DAMN! FUCK KATE!

Henry talking shop! About the pattern, how confident, talking about the killer being addicted, the parallels. Mannnn.

PROLONGED EYE CONTACT!

Finished reading for tonight at 10:11 PM. 60 pages covered this first session.

—

Wednesday August 10th. Second session. Starting at 9:20 Pm. Off tomorrow. Dinner: Peanut and sesame noodles with chilli oil and green onion. More whiskey with ginger ale over ice. Snacking on hot cheetos and a crispy caramel kit-kat while reading.

—

Chapter Five.

—

Oh the HOSPITAL! YES!

Tv is on a cooking channel because of course it is.

Henry just cutting the small talk short asdfghjkajshglakhdg, “Take me to the bodies FRANK-” And Frank being like “If you got the stomach for it.” Like Frank. Honey. You know nothing of this man.

Henry being totally unfazed by the smell of the dead. This man is not okay. (This will be said many times throughout this.)

Why, why, why do I love this passage so much? Talking about how Henry looks over the body? The image is so crystal clear. It is almost like I am in the room. Like I can smell the bleach as I look over his shoulder, watching as he inspects the cadaver below him, watching how the bright harsh lighting catches on the cold thick blood clotting between his gloved fingers? I can see Henry at this moment. Like I could just reach out and touch him. How can something like this be written in a way that is so telling, so intimate yet so detached? It is captivating as hell. Just like Henry himself. This was another moment during my first read though that made me want to know more about him.

“Coffee, yeah. Thanks.” That is such a human moment that just reeks of reality. A phrase I have heard uttered a million times in my line of work and I can hear how it was said perfectly. The little details really make this.

Shit coffee indeed, let me make this man a good cup of coffee PLEASE-

He needs a fresh body!!!

—-

Chapter Six.

—-

Man is so particular about his coffee honestly I love what it adds to his character. It says SO much by saying so little.

Oh my God and Mr.Clemmington was a cook.

Henry hating small talk makes so much sense. What an asshole. Love him.

Name drop! Blossom James ooooohhh.

“Anyway, I hope no girl in this town is capable of such a thing…” Oh giiiirlll. You don’t know shit about shit.

Henry taking his pills with leftover coffee with cigarette ash in it like SIR can you PLEASE take care of yourself even just a little?!

Henry, you need more than dry cereal for dinner.

—

Chapter Seven.

—

Henry’s breakfast, coffee, cigarettes and fucking twizzlers apparently.

Watching him at work is captivating. Henry rattling off what should be done and in what order is justttt a sickening delight. What a freak.

Ethan is missing. And Henry is a little too defensive. “I didn’t say anything.” Mmmhmmm. You didn’t have to.

—

Chapter Eight.

—

Henry deadass like “We are looking for a body-” and Norman just, “Oh you’d like that sooooo much wouldn’t you?!” Uh. Yeah. Duh dude, he’s the worst.

Ethan and Blossom went out, eh? Oooh boy.

This chapter is short but so fucking gooood. I love how they haven’t even formally met and he is getting frustrated by her! The build up and teasing before we really get to know her is just so fucking delicous.

—

Chapter Nine.

—

The description of the hotel’s restaurant is another stand out. I can imagine myself sitting there, smelling the vanilia of the candles and partaking in the food, almost as if I can taste the vegetable medley myself.

I love Blossom's dress, periwinkle is an underrated colour and the meaning of her wearing it here, tonight, during their first official meeting is not lost on me and the impact is strong.

They are sitting, they are talkING-

Blossom clearly has thoughts about Ethan. I can hear the bite of the way she says ‘Golden boy’ and it is telling.

“Henry.” Whore. Him. Not her. He is the whore. Like call me Henry, the fuck IS that?! Asking her to use your first name? Mmm? Already so informal? Like a slut? Have you no shame?

“Picky with your food.” “If you’d call it that.” The TENSION! I’ve already read this before but I am still so like !!!!

“-he just didn’t fuck me anymore.” girl fucking say it.

“Do you like me Henry?” I mean fuck how could he not?

Oh mannnn another masturbation scene hell yeah baby! Unlike the first one this one lingers for longer and it is good. The idea that he doesn’t even necessarily enjoy the act of this, it is a means to an end, an annoyance, it’s a mix of anger, of disgust, of maintenance, of hatred, it’s this balance that is just so fucking right. The idea of hating the act of this is just, so interesting to me. Not just from a narrative perspective, not just for the way it lets us into Henry’s mind, but because it is so utterly different and conflicting from my own personal feelings about the act. Not even the act as he is doing it but my own relationship with it on a deep and personal level, the differences between he and I, they don’t divide me from his character, if anything, they intrigue me further, beckoning me to know him.

“The taste of her name as sweet as the frost-glazing of a strawberry filled cake, flowering in his chest until it choked him.” Pure poetry. Gorgeous. Perfect. Another stand out line. Makes me think of so much, the images of digging my fingers into a pretty little decorated cake, of ripping and tearing and splitting it open simply to destroy something beautiful, to mirror what Blossom is already doing to Henry in such a short time, to then just lick the mashed and sugary strawberry mixture of the filling from my fingers, just because, flit through my mind while reading this line. What is this book capable of? The things it can conjure up cannot be understated.

Hot, hot, hot. Love he was still half dressed and just spills himself onto the sheets.

��

Finished second session at 10:53 PM. 45 pages covered in the second session. Word count over 2K now.

—

Such a large break happened because of me leaving my previous job, moving into a new town and starting a new job, better late than never, I am back on it!

Starting this session at 11:02 AM on January 17th, a Tuesday, I have the day off today. Breakfast was cereal, I am having ice water and no snack because I will break for lunch soon.

—

Chapter Ten.

—

I adore the description of Blossom’s house, it is so clear that just like all things Kate writes, a ton of thought was put into every detail.

More food, this reminds me I should make meatloaf again soon,

“Seeing the Agent made her hungry.” I fucking LOVE.

“Breathing out with the softness of a flowering bruise, tender and hesitant.” Kate I simultaneously want to kiss and punch you for always doing this! You throw out just the best fucking lines so damn casually. As if we are roommates, I finished a long day at work, sitting at the kitchen table and you just stride into the room, drop one of the most profound things I have ever heard and then just waltz off back to your own space as if it were nothing and I am not left changed and struggling to contend with what you just forced upon me. That is what lines like this feel like and do to me. Does that make sense?

And here it is, another real heart stopping and revealing moment of what makes Blossom her. You just know from the jump that there is something more to her, and this passage makes it abundantly clear and makes you feel for her. While I personally have experienced my fair share of this sort of thing in my own life it is of course, like a lot of stories, different from what she has but my heart goes out to her. Why can’t Blossom use, abuse, and take from these men as they have taken from her? Why not?

This chapter isn’t long but it doesn’t need to be, it is honestly very necessary and I love the look into Blossom alone and at home.

—

Chapter Eleven.

—

Man fell asleep still dressed and cum covered. What a fucking whore, what an inspiration, what a guy. How down bad am I, do you ask? So bad that I read this and my first thought was, “I could fix that. Fuck the shower, I have a mouth-” With all the coffee he drinks, his alcohol problem and the smoking his cum must taste terrible. Still wouldn’t stop me.

I love this so much. Having Blossom showering in the last chapter towards the end and Henry at the next towards the start and difference in how they do even down to the temperature they prefer, amazing.

Back at the diner, another meeting, more tension and of course, more food. It is impossible to read this and not get hungry and also slightly nauseated at points, it is beautiful.

“-reached for more, satisfying herself in front of him.” I fucking canNOT.

I love any scene with them talking back and forth.

This is so fucking good, she is getting to him so easily and just how unapologetically she is eating. Also, “But you’re not sorry. Why would you be?” Might be one of my fave quotes so far, it stuck out my last reading as well.

Interrupting Henry when he immediately assumes the killer is a man and her fighting him on it.

“Don’t underestimate the rage of a woman, Special Agent.” YEAH HENRY! And maybe it WAS a threat. What are you gonna do about it?

Invite Blossom to the search part apparently.

—

Chapter Twelve.

—

I feel it is important to mention at this juncture that I cannot read in silence so I have on a thunderstorm in the woods audio going and it feels just totally perfect for reading this

Henry runs through the details of the practised lie of what happened between him and his wife with a shocking amount of detachment, but not that shocking for him.

Mr.Whitmore you should learn to like, I dunno, lie better.

The cropped tea and pink bell bottoms is unironically one of my favourite Blossom looks described in this book.

This conversation, the back and forth and talking about favourite colours, their characters really shine here, another stand out moment. After having read this once before Henry saying “Blue” and knowing what will come later, I had to put the book down for a moment, and not just to type up this annotation.

“How old are you, Blossom?” “Eighteen.” Old enough to legally...Vote. But on the real again the tension in this scene, sharing the cigarette, the closeness, just THIS.

A body has been discovered!

Blossom admitting she doesn’t feel anything upon seeing the disgusting corpse is just so fucking good.

Chapter twelve was fucking great, I forgot how much happened in this one chapter, a total fave.

—

Chapter Thirteen.

—

Blossom and Henry are just lying to police now, alright, alright.

Short but to the point, I enjoy the small details in this one. Describing the grotesque nature of the body especially was very effective.

Also the forgetting a clipboard and letting Blossom write on his back, cute, realistic, adore it.

Course you can’t pass up a fresh corpse Henry you fucking freak.

—

Chapter Fourteen.

—

The entertainment centre! I remember simply adoring this next chapter, I am excited!

Grilling Mr.Whitmore on why he works here occasionally. Henry you are so, so transparent and projecting really hard here. Being so critical with him being so close to the teenagers when what are you doing with Blossom? You woke up splattered in your own cum after passing out post-nut, post-jack sesh thinking about a certain eighteen year old blonde, remember?

More Henry and Blossom talking <3

“Oh, come on. You can’t deny that…You don’t look at all these…Preppy, skimpy seventeen and eighteen year old girls and don’t think about when you were that age with the impulse control of a twelve year old.” HENRY!

“No. I don’t. Because I’m not seventeen, or eighteen anymore, Henry. And neither are you.” “Doesn’t mean I still can’t look.” He is so fucking gross. And yet…

I do feel for ol Norm here but at the same time he really does need to let Henry do his damn job.

“We’ll see if the Coopers are ready to talk and resume the work on Monday. I’m sure the killer will understand.” What a note to go out on Henry damn.

A knock on the door? This late? Who could it be? I ask having fully read this book before.

I was right by the way, this chapter was so good and so engrossing.

—

Chapter Fifteen.

—

Of course it’s Blossom who is here. Obviously. Who else?

Naturally she comes in.

Absent mom and a dead mom. Gotta love two people with mommy issues getting together.

I find myself unable to pull away during their conversations, they are just still so engaging to read. That being said, “Why don’t you like white wine?” “I’ve always preferred something stronger. Something that bites.” Oh I bet you do.

She’s making the move, SHE’S MAKING THE MOVE-

The description of Henry here, hands up, not looking at her, trying very, very hard to maintain his composure and will and not touch her. Oof.

They are kissing! This is where it all starts to really go tits up and I am so here for it.

“We shouldn’t be doing this-” Oh but you’re gonna Henry, you are, we all know it just do it!

He really is trying here, and he does make a good point, they shouldn’t get involved with each other like this but that is part of what makes it so good!!!

She isn’t wearing any panties.

Man is done for.

And he gives in! Get it Henry! I wish that were me. Who in this scenario? Like a true bisexual. Both.

Just going for it and with no protection! Henry, you animal.

His garden. This whole section is phenomenal. People could learn a thing or two about writing sex scenes from reading how Kate does it!

Kate’s work is just mind blowing. It is incredible how she writes the differences between Henry and Blossom post their first time together. For him feeling like he can breathe for the first time in years and her imagining becoming one with the forest, consumed with rot and dying like the way they view sex and each other is so intensely fascinating. It just so interesting too because I have felt like Blossom has, chest feeling scooped out and hollow and empty but never relating to sex, reading this book with just how different my perspective on physicality with another human from there's never bores me.

“RISE AND SHINE, ASSHOLE, NEW DAY! AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE NOW!” That is just this book and Henry’s life all over, huh? A good alternate tagline.

Ahhhhh a dream sequence and such a fucking good one! The imagery in this is immaculate, the one that stands out to me the most is the mention of Blossom’s hair in a high ponytail tied with a pink ribbon, so fucking good and so clever. Blossom becoming a literal monster and tearing him apart, what do you think it means Henry? C’mon, THINK!

Another fantastic chapter, of course.

—

Chapter Sixteen.

—

He is making her breakfast. Also blueberry pancakes are in fact the best, I will not take criticism at this time.

“Colour me impressed.” My gesturing to a board covered with papers and tacked with pins, red strings connecting seemingly random things and moments, “It all comes back to COLOUR! IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT THE COLOUR! DO YOU SEE-”

“Yet, there was still nothing ever as tooth-rotting as Blossom James.” I am punching the air!

—

Chapter Seventeen.

—

Her being so excited to see him oh my GOD. “I missed you.” “You always miss me.” Things that happen between me and my husband all the time, no word of a lie.

Planning secret meetings ooooooh.

“I want you to do exactly what you wanted to do the day we found Ethan.” Blossom. Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Also I love the little jump here. The few weeks and the mention of just how many times and places they have fucked thus far, they have clearly been very busy.

Fucking right next to the scene of the crime, extremely risky but also, extremely hot.

This is all fucking amazing. The depth, the feeling, Blossom’s and Henry’s worry and doubt and hungry fervour for one another being so all consuming constantly. The question of how does this end is a good one to leave the chapter with.

How will it all end?

—

Chapter Eighteen.

—

Kate describes kisses in a million ways and I am here for all of them. Preppy and sickening or otherwise.

This man smokes. So fucking much my God. Third read I should do a cigarette counter.

Henry drinking and getting sloppy and good ol Norm comes to the rescue.

Bro. Dude. Asking for Blossom in your drunken stupor is not going to help anyone or anything my GOD DUDE!

He is such a fucking messss.

—

Chapter Nineteen.

—

Yeah you forgot your shit at the bar you fucking walking embarrassment of a man Henry.

I’m part of the Abby fanclub.

I really like Sophie and Norm interacting. It totally reads that they have known each other a very long time and I love the easy and playful air between them both very much. A joy to read.

The suspensions are not misplaced Sophie, not at all.

Blossom comes by to bring a lot more than just coffee in this scene that is for damn sure. Norm is really trying to give Henry the benefit of the doubt and struggling. I think he is almost trying too hard to convince himself but as he told Sophie before, what else can he do?

Another great chapter with more tension. I am stopping for now to break for lunch. I am thinking of an egg salad sandwich. It is 1:34 PM. I covered 110 pages this round, over halfway through the book. This has been the longest session so far and the doc is now over 4,000 words.

—

It is January 29th, a Sunday, it is 12:31 PM, I have the day off and the laundry going as I sit down for this session. I had a sleep in and a late breakfast of an open faced sandwich consisting of egg and honey ham with chive cream cheese and hashbrowns. Water and no snack again.

—

Chapter Twenty.

—

Blossom is having a party and again, I love the outfit described here, it is one of the first ones I think of, totally iconic and so her.

Blossom in the bathroom with some fucking guy and this guy, Kyle, God, I hate him. Hated him the first read, hate him this one too, what a complete shit stain.

I hate and love how real this is. It is just so fucking sickening because it is so common and happens all the damn time and has happened to her how many times? I wish Blossom would, I wish she would rip his teeth out, or scream or something but I know all too well what can happen in these scenarios and why she doesn’t. God, Kate, stop being such a good writer all the time damn it!

This is the kind of part that makes me want to reach in the pages and kill Kyle myself. Reminding myself he is a fictional character means nothing because Henry and Blossom are fictional too, you know? But the feelings they make me feel are real, what I get from reading this book is real and while they aren’t real living breathing people, Kate writes them so well they feel like they are. Even if they are fictional and I am real and I cannot touch them in a tangible way, this asshole, Kyle is fictional just as they are and therefore can and chooses to do harm and the threat of Blossoms hurt by him feels so sharp I could cut myself on it.

“Did you cum?” Kill yourself Kyle you pathetic rapist fuckwad.

Mr.Whitmore why are you at a high schooler’s party exactly???

“Rather, there was a tenderness to his bruising touch.” Kate. Girl. I am eating this line. Crushing it up and snorting it, need it in my bloodstream.

The drama of it all, neither of them can communicate properly at all like just please can you for once be normal. I say as if I don’t love them at their absolute worst.

—

Godddd what a fucking chapter, so good, so much happened but not enough to feel like overwhelmed by it, you know? Stellar as to be expected.

—

Before. Technically Chapter Twenty-One.

—

The wife is here. Cindy, poor, poor Cindy. Love the pjs tho.

Siiiigh, you too Henry? I say as I read him about to force himself on his wife as if I have not read this before.

This scene is so hard to talk about but I want to talk about it, you know? Like it is very intense how unintentional it seems to be, he didn’t come home planning to kill his wife, it isn’t a big premeditated thing, also I love how real this is. How he is so comfortable, so sure everything will be fine and cares so much about what he wants or feels he needs that he has no regard for her and pays the heaviest fine for it, her death, being the one that killed her. But also, even though we see him leaning on booze and pills and the rest, the man is still alive, he still goes on living, walking free after he did that.

RIP Cindy, we hardly knew you and you definitely deserved better.

—

Short chapter but it is deff supposed to be, gets across just what it needs to and it hit hard and is insanely effective.

—

Chapter Twenty-Two.

—

Blossom got into the car and now after a short but tense drive they are having a conversation and this conversation my Lord! Henry is totally upset that Blossom is right by the way, she knows he likes how she looks next to him and how she makes him feel but he’s all “oh I’m so much older, my job, my station, my morals-” WHAT MORALS HENRY?

Also Henry has a point, Blossom James does have main character syndrome and is just constantly inserting herself into the narrative but she is fucking interesting as hell and I wanna see her all the time so damn Henry let her live!

“You know nothing about me.” Mmmm don’t be so sure Henry.

Blossom is again correct, you wanted to fuck her from the moment you saw her, don’t deny it you mess of a man!

Him hitting her !, her nose bleeding and her smiling up at him with fucking red teeth, !!, the description I never get tired of reading ever of her being a predator of equal conviction !!!!!!!!!

Like I could go on and on about this section just it is so fucking good! Henry’s complex and swirling emotional state consuming him so thoroughly and being unable to control himself around her! The conflicting wants and feelings and him being just thoroughly unequipped to deal with it all! They are a car crash I cannot look away from, nor would I ever want to. I stare and let the images of them tangled up in a gory flaming pile burn into my retinas until the fumes of spilled gasoline make me literally pass the fuck out.

Me dancing in my chair as I read how Henry wants to kill and main Blossom, just a nice Sunday afternoon.

Henry saying he doesn’t want to fight her. Like I don’t believe you again Henry,

They are fucking in the carrr! Which like yes, hot, get it, but also, Blossom are you good?

Henry chasisting her over smoking, like, dude. For real?

Blossom calling him Daddy, him calling her disgusting and shotgunning smoke into her mouth, her being so fucking coy and pleased with herself, “And you love it.” Like yeah he does and so do I! Do it again!

Blossom asking him to the fucking dance! THE DANCE IS COMING! AH!

Henry of course you can’t go to the dance you old fuck but also her teasing him about going with a boy her own age and him getting so angry over it has me so amped, like the playfulness on display here it is just all a game to her!

—

I want to make this chapter breakfast in bed and then smash the coffee mug over its head before giving it a big ol kiss.

—

Chapter Twenty-Three.

—

Chinese food late at night in a hotel room sounds so fucking good right now it is unreal.

Okay but now I need a disgustingly detailed section of how exactly Henry eats pussy or do I gotta do that myself? I can do it myself! I just need to know, we know I can deliver it too. I just gotta think on it.

Blossom asking to get choked by him like girl you don’t know what you are asking of him! He CAN hurt you! He wants to! You are meddling in forces you do not understand!

Every little piece and look into Blossoms past is so fucking sad. She has been through so much I hate it.

Must every guy in Blossom’s life suck so fucking hard?

Also the milk and honey thing coming around and around again is so fucking perfect and apt and slots into this story fucking amazingly well.

Blossom making him breakfast! I would eat what she made, it sounds fucking good honestly.

Another amazingly described kiss that is so fucking perfect I ache.

—

Another banger of a chapter my God I feel so full and spoiled during this re-read.

—

Chapter Twenty Four.

—

Why are all the suspects older dudes? Hum. I wonder.

Also Henry dressed like a total slut today, we love to see it!

Someone who hangs around the younger guys and girls. Man, I wonder who he is thinking of!!!

I could listen to Henry go off about this kind of thing forever, Freud or otherwise.

Stacy do be Stacy though that is for damn sure Norman.

Norman inviting Henry for dinner and asking him for a smile that turns out to be so unsettling that he is just straight up like nevermind please don’t ever do that again oh my God. Perfection. Hilarious. Whenever and I do mean WHEN, not IF, the movie or tv series or whatever adapt of this happens, that detail needs to be left in.

Blossom out alone with a bunch of boys in the woods and drinking, a horrible idea really.

I can hear the “I wasn’t gonna let them do anything, I was just playyingg-” in my head and it is great. Also sure, Blossom.

This girl will not stop running her mouth to save her life. You are gonna get you and Henry in so much trouble!

I don’t blame Sopher for hating Henry, man is always acting suspicious.

And so it comes out again! Henry I think you do have it out for Whitmore and I think it is because you see an uncomfortable amount of yourself in him at times and refuse to acknowledge it. But also yeah Whitmore is really weird, keep an eye on that guy.

Ooooof. Norman laying it down, like he knows what is up! He isn’t dumb Henry! “I hope to fuck I don’t.” Hits so fucking hard.

Man I do not like Sophie but that is totally a ME and my issues thing because she is right about a lot of this.

—

Another fucking awesome chapter, the scene with her in the woods and Henry coming by is another stand out in my mind I find myself thinking of often.

—

Chapter Twenty-Five.

—

Henry finding the old pictures of Blossom on the fridge and wondering what made her so “hard” like man if you only knew.

God, the imagery you describe Kate everytime it gets to me. Reach into her brains and feel around, discover what is really wrong Henry do it!

The girl was just fucking waiting for him! Also the lingerie sounds cute as fuck.

C’mon Henry we both know you are gonna fuck her, just do it my guy.

The give and take between them both, the constant fight and unease and just inability to just exist without conflict. Man do I love it.

Blossom calling him daddy has me feeling some kind of way.

The choose to kiss me thing has my in knots just it is fucking fantastic Kate just truly something else.

The softness and the not wanting to be so vulnerable but being unable to help it.

—

Finished this session at 2:31 PM. Stopping at page 288. I covered 73 pages this time around. The doc is over 5.5K words. Less than 100 pages left to cover. The next annotation session might be my last. Excited to finish strong!

—

It is January 31st, a Tuesday, once again it is my day off. I have less than 100 pages left to cover in Blossom and I am going to attempt to complete the book and the annotations this session. For breakfast I had a fried egg sunny side up on a single slice of buttered toast, topped with green onion and everything bagel seasoning. No snack as I am planning on lunch today, perhaps mac and cheese? I am drinking a country peach herbal tea out of my mug Kate sent, “The Trees Know More Than They Dare Say” stares back at me as I put on more thunderstorms in the forest sounds at 10:56 AM and this new reading session begins.

—

Chapter Twenty-Six.

—

I don’t think I have mentioned it until now but Henry smoking Marlboro’s just makes like way, way too much sense. I can see him holding the classic iconic white and red and gold pack in his hand very clearly.

Henry staring into the forest and wanting to lie down and rot and let it all overtake him in many a similar way that Blossom has is so interesting. Also it makes me wonder like are they just this similar? Or is something up with this forest in particular? But then I remember all the time I have spent in forests and that they are just Like That.

Henry plays nice at the dinner with Norm’s family and I love the honesty of him telling Norm when asked, that he doesn’t give a shit what he thinks but what Stacy thinks actually matters. Good shit, consistent with his character and just an awesome detail.

Norm filling in Henry on the ‘rumours’ and him brushing it off as just that. Henry is understandably very upset as am I!

Another shower, him gripping the sink and staring at himself in the mirror, again, reminiscent and similar of Blossom earlier.

Talking about her perfume being on his coats and his pillows, and then this, “She was everywhere. Infecting him.” She so is! I love how slowly it happens but how clear it is here, how much she is burrowed inside him and has affected him so heavily, she has set up camp inside him and he isn’t even fully aware of how much she has. I am obsessed.

“He felt as if she was the biggest mystery of all.” Fucking cut, print, beautiful note to finish on. Another moment I can see put to screen.

—

A fantastic chapter, seriously so many good smaller details, thoroughly enjoyable yet again,

—

Chapter Twenty-Seven.

—

This chapter is only about two pages but what a two pages.

Two pages of Blossom breaking down after expecting Henry to reach out and him not, her sobbing, clawing at herself and drinking. The descriptions here at the end, of so desperate for relief you hurt yourself immensely in the process, willing to tear till you see bone just hoping for a moment’s peace, goregous.

—

Ethan, or, Chapter Twenty-Eight.

—

Another very short chapter, describing Blossom in the cemetery and Ethan following her there. The conversation is brief, him saying she shouldn’t be out like this, him affirming that it’s not girls like her that are dying, it’s boys like him and him assuring her that he can “bench 200” so the guy will have his work cut out for him. Okay, nice attempt to flex Ethan /s. But this last line is the stand out to me, “-and Blossom let her head fall back, snaking her arm around his shoulders and closing her eyes, engulfing him.” Phew. Truly a banger.

—

Chapter Twenty-Nine.

—

Oh my God this is it, this is the chapter, the long, extended dream sequence. I dunno if I am ready again! This part is so intense but so good. Okay, okay, be cool, here we go.

We kick off with a wonderfully descriptive scene of Henry eating, frantic, hungry, desperately trying to satisfy himself, right? Eating meat, drinking red wine, eating pomegranate, and it’s all fine until we pull away to see that he is actually eating Blossom. And not in the way we have seen before, we are talking full out, full on, raw, animalistic, cannibal style consumption.

It isn’t enough and it will never be enough as he feeds and eats until there is literally nothing left of her, going so far as to consume bone, marrow and cartilage.

He reaches back in and instead of finding warmth and hopefully more food instead he finds a nest of baby spiders and I get a chill every time I read this part ugh!

This image is the best. Henry trying to fight to get the spiders off, almost tripping and then Blossom, still dead, reaching out, catching his wrist and holding him there, mouth opening and dark legs of a much larger spider reaching out from the darkness just- my GOD. Horror, pure, horror, goodness.

Tea update, I have gotten so distracted reading and annotating it has now gone cold.

The dream shifts suddenly to Henry being in front of and then going into Blossom’s house in search of her, the hope that he will find her safe is one that I cannot share with him because Henry, awake or asleep she is never safe with you.

The description of the room in total disarray is fantastic and also again something that one can picture so easily.

Blossom is dead and Henry is holding her and sobbing and I am FEELING!

Him crying and apologising is everything.

But, it was all a joke because all of this is a big fucking joke to Blossom, even pretending she is dead all for him to discover.

“Does it make you feel good? Tearing those around you apart? Destroying those that care about you?” Go off Henry. But also yeah Blossom, does it?

“I’m sorry.” “No you’re not.” - “You never are.” Fucking snaps Kate.

This moment still fucks me up, Henry realizing that he is dead on the floor, has been watching himself this whole time.

“Are you going to hurt me like you hurt her?” She asked. “Do you want to hurt me Henry? Do you want to kill me too?” This whole scene, this whole sequence is indescribably good. I wouldn’t want them to cut a single moment or movement from this pure gold.

Words are failing me.

He’s awake!

The bitch is back and she is drunk.

I have read a few reviews that claim the work of Kate and this book in particular to be ripping off Gone Girl, calling it plagiarism, especially for this next part. Blossom, drunk and a mess giving a speech, a rant, going the fuck off about the awful treatment of men and expectations thrust upon her and all women and that just pisses me off. The reviews, not her speech, her speech is great. I hate that reviewers see a woman giving a speech about mistreatment, and the entitlement of men and look at Kate and her work and compare her to Gillian Flynn negatively. Because don’t you know there can be only one book like this? Only one story delving into the rage inherent to the feminine? Only one book can have this kind of character, this kind of story, everything else is clearly a copy, a cheap imitation, instead of insulting and making unfair and frankly incorrect claims, looking at the broader picture. These reviewers look at this and compare instead of seeing that both these stories and many more like them can have their own spot in the conversation, and can co-exist. And the biggest point of all, maybe, just fucking maybe, the reason there is multiple stories, conversations, rants, characters like Amy and like Blossom is because what they are talking about, what they preach has distinct truth and basis in the reality of the experience of tons and tons of women and that is why it hits and resonates.

Also Henry thank God you stopped yourself from saying that shit because holy fuck no one is ever asking for it ever.

Henry not believing female rage, like alright bud, sit down.

Blossom’s feelings are so valid here. The want for people who have harmed you to see how they have and understand it and share that feeling. It is fucking powerful, this whole section is!

“Would you kill to take back your power?” Henry, you are getting closer to getting it.

The way I need this whole scene filmed yesterday.

Blossom’s got a fucking gun. The first time I read this my stomach dropped.

This scene with her holding the gun to him is so tense.

Kate you could write about the issues with women only becoming empowered in media through abuse and hurt from men for hours and hours and I would eat it up. Oh shit, wait, I already have. I’d do it again.

I like to think for sure a part of Blossom wants to stop this, wants to be ‘normal’ wants to love as Henry describes but again, the constant mistreatment from everyone all her life prevents that. How can she just swallow back all this hate and not let it poison her? How can she just move on from that? It IS like saying that they won, she becomes another person standing idly by, a part of the problem.

Finally she falls asleep and the chapter ends.

—

This is my favourite chapter in the book by far. I could scream on and on about it more than I already have, the dream sequence I could read it and go line by line diving in deeper I swear to God. I gotta hold myself back in some places though.

—

Chapter Thirty.

—

A hard and tense conversation is had once Blossom wakes up in the morning.

Henry keeps on choosing her, she didn’t ask for it, true but he isn’t unreasonable in wanting her to choose him back and some proof of this.

She clearly doesn’t want him to go, but he does.

She usually has cold showers but takes a hot one in an attempt to understand. I could never take a cold shower so Blossom girl, I do not understand you in that respect.

—

A shorter but extremely emotionally driven chapter that hits the spot after the last one.

—

Chapter Thirty-One.

—

Blossom asking for some help with her photos.

Oh my God Mr.Whitmore you fucking creep. Yeah I will look over your photos for the end of year project, how about I bring a bottle of wine along?! You sick fuck I hate you.

She is eating once again, drinking once again, watching a nature documentary and wishing she as the wolf and the prey all at once and I am still just so fucking captivated by it.

Yeah those Barbie commercials suck, I’d turn off the TV too.

—

Chapter Thirty-Two.

—

We finally got another body hoooo boy!

Again tied with a pink ribbon, again many, many stab wounds, throat slashed this time, leaving him to choke on his own blood.

I afforded myself a ten minute break at this time to grab an ice water and make lunch, I sit back down with my mac and cheese ready to eat and read.

The killer is being unorganised and cocky, in broad daylight no less?

A school ID at the scene of the crime!

A frantic call from Blossom oh my God!

Mr.Whitmore is with her and when Henry gets there he is dead and she is holding the knife.

Her sobbing about how she lost control is haunting knowing what we know. Knowing how important control is to her and this is why she is doing this, convincing herself whenever she is being hurt or used she is still in control it is like what happened? The tension!

—

My mac and cheese threatens to go cold at this rate because this book, again even on the second readthrough, is so captivating.

—

Chapter Thirty-Three.

—

Blossom is in the hospital and Henry is there with her.

The girl has been really fucked up my God.

Norman is totally a bit salty and mad at himself that Henry was right this whole time about it being Mr.Whitmore.

Love Henry describing the motif of the pink ribbon representing Blossom, just, real good.

I really, really like Norm and Sohpie’s interactions, again the air of how long they have known each other hangs heavy.

Of course it actually happened Norm. Come on. What kid lies about that?

—

Another chapter in the books that I love, a big smooch for this one.

—

Chapter Thirty-Four.

—

We are finally at the dance hooo boy.

The theme of the dance being love, gag me.

Henry is here like she wanted!

Be still my heart she is wearing fucking blue. SHE IS WEARING BLUE!

It’s all like a dream, an actually good one for once Henry, a rarity for you I am sure.

They dance and yeah all the parents watching on like uhhh? Hilarious, like shut up you don’t know them like us the readers do!

And they leave the dance togetherrrr. God I love them way too much for how bad they are for each other.

Back at the hotel, much making out and getting drunk together.

He wants to rip away the blue and bury himself in her pink oh my fucking-KATE! I love you.

Blossom is that girl. Drunk all like, “I wanna go swimming!” And fuck I felt that.

Kate could write something just listing colours over and over and I would love it.

Of course he doesn’t want her in the pool. She wants him in the pool with her, so she drags him in, naturally.

The build up of what you think is going to be a steamy sex scene poolside ends up with Blossom breaking down and man my heart hurts.

—

This chapter is just so well paced AND well placed, you know what I mean, it is just mwah, amazing, very needed, tonally it flows so well.

—

Chapter Thirty-Five.

—

It’s summer, a month after the dance and Henry pays Blossom a visit.

We get to hear some of her statement and mannn. It is just, fucking pitch perfect, immaculate.

“I want to love you…So badly…” - “But?” - Blossom didn’t answer. I am ripping my own hair out oh my God.

Blossom is so empty inside, nothing there at all and so she instead of dealing with the internal pain, she seeks physical pleasure.

Okay this next sex scene, so fucking good, just I love the juxtaposition of the flowery language with harsher terms thrown in there, it is through the whole book and it feels like it sums up Blossom the character insanely well.

“In return, Blossom gave him exactly what he needed, at the same time, taking exactly what she wanted. A perfect balance.” Can I get this line tattoo’d on the inside of my eyelids as well as marry it?

—

Chapter Thirty-Six.

—

Post fuck our fave creep Henry Williamson watches Blossom shower and I wish that were me.

Oh he is smoking less look at him!

“He wondered if this could last forever.” Doubtful. A nice thought though.

You’ve been here how many times and you only look around her room now? Alright.

Of course you go for her underwear drawer you little freak of a man!

Henry finds an envelope and in it a series of pictures of the bodies, of the crime scenes but they aren’t copies, oh no they are originals and very different from the ones he has seen previously.

A delectable little cut back showing Adam Hall from the start going to the woods for a run and Blossom following after him oh my God.

—

And just like that the book is over. It is, amazing, truly a gripping read even the second time. I noticed more, picked up on more and really loved it even more. Blossom being the real one behind all this is fantastic, well played and woven without it feeling shoved in your face or obvious and reading it now after the first time knowing she did it was a trip! This book is fantastic, I could read it over and over and I intend to! It plays like a movie, I love the characters and it is just phenomenal. I cannot recommend it enough. Seriously everyone needs to read this and then review it afterwards I am begging! Kate, this book is just, ugh, so special and something so different and I am just totally enamoured with it and you and how you write. In case this 8.6K document didn’t express that already. Thank you again so much for this story and now I can’t wait to read After The Lamb Bites Back!

#Blossom #Blossom By Kate Winborne #horror fiction #BHF writing #annotations #I fucking love how this came out and hope it captures how much I love this book #my thoughts and just how insane it makes me #I LOVE YOU KATE #Fr there are spoilers in this tho so tread lightly #Henry Williamson

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thrpr0phetuseek · 2 months ago

Note

I can’t really give poetics of thanks to everyone at this moment—communicating and accepting appreciation has always been a struggle—but I’m so incredibly grateful for everyone who has said something and all those who silently think it. I cannot explain how much I love seeing everyone’s stories and interactions. The bonds between characters and the silly chaos that is brewed!

It’s not like I’m leaving any time soon, but I feel there’s ones I just have to point out and people I have to mention just because of how much I adore seeing every little thing they do.

• @the-warrior-of-the-mind’s crazy memory loss and angst management; I love seeing everyone handle your situation differently and I can’t wait till Tir gets to experience it—also the daughter-father bond is soooo cutee!!!!

• @king-of-the-fish and @4mph1r1t3’s marriage and adoption and love for so many other divine and mortal beings. Seriously, watching you guys interact brightens up my day, such the iconic duo.

• @op3n-arms, @frayna-of-the-hollow, @just-a-mer ; gods know whatever I’d do without you guys. Seriously have had some of the best rps with you guys and I’m so glad I get to share all my lore with you guys!!

• @best-dressed-on-mt-olympus the bee allergy made me laugh when it was first introduced and it still makes me smile when I see one of your posts; related or not

• @apollo-god-of--like--everything honestly any rp you do makes me smile uncontrollably; Apollo is such a cool fellow and you play him so well

• @notesbyaphrodite & @the-god-ofwar ; I love seeing you guys just be so sweet to each other, it’s so heartwarming

I’d actually tag everyone I follow probably but I got super embarrassed and socially anxious just now so I’m stopping here 😅💀 just know that even if you weren’t tagged, I love your rps and seeing them makes me super happy!

—

Anyways- love you guys so much more than I could express /p don’t know what I’d do without you guys! I’ll be open for small rps or lore-related asks the end of today, and all of the next three days. On the weekend I’ll check back in and let you guys know how I feel! But thank you so much to everyone who’s been super supportive and reassuring and everyone who has just been vibing [stuck in their bedroom!], every single one of you makes me days SO BRIGHT!

Seriously, don’t know what I’d do without you all.

Anyway, I’ll be back soon enough—I’m not even completely gone now—but I’ll be excited to come back fully ready and open for all the angst that’ll come with whatever you guys plan and the probably-gonna-max-be-three-things that Tir forgot! No spoilers! /silly

P.S. thanks mod ^ who reblogged this, you’re really so kind. I love seeing your notifs all the time, especially when you interact with the crazy teen-god rps! Lots of cool stuff =D

♡ • *head kiss* You seem like you need one.

[ smiles ]

“Thank you. You have no idea how much that helps.”

—

ooc ~ I’ve had waaayy too many mental breakdowns today and it’s been healthy and refreshing and stuff but like- I have not been able to respond to any rps I have had today and istgs seeing yours just felt like a weight lifted. Like, it’s not overbearing or asking me to put much thought. Just a simple “hi, love ya, hope you’re doing okay, bye” kind of rp. One that’s calm and comforting and warm. That’s exactly what I need today; so many mental/emotional/physical battles and I’m afraid I haven’t quite won any

also to any of those said rpers seeing this, o swear I didn’t abandon you, I just could not and can not pull myself together rn. I’ve been crying for hours. I’ll be better eventually I think, I just can’t do the large rps rn. That being said, if anyone wants to start non-complicated, easy-going, lightweight ones, I’m open for that, I’ll just be on and off my phone bcz stress is manifesting physically rn.

I’m reading the Odyssey and writing annotations and feeling a little better, I hope this explains today simply and sorry Aph for using your post as an explanation, just didn’t quite know how to respond or when to explain 😅

but yeah, hope none of that was too complicated to understand; I’m good with words in rp, I suck at communicating things irl/ooc

#ooc #im sentimental srry guys 😅#also if you didn’t wanna be tagged mb #anyway love yall /p #if I’m taking care of myself I expect y’all to too just fyi

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stupid-hoe-shit · 3 years ago

Note

hii, can u write another luffy smut? (also fluffy) i just felt that ur write w him is very accurate!!

In love with the feeling

luffy x fem! reader

- fandom -> one piece

- word count -> 2,725

- tags -> monkey d. luffy, monkey d. luffy/reader, vinsmoke sanji, mutual pining, established relationship, first-time blow jobs, first time, blow jobs, face-sitting, cunnilingus, porn with plot, porn with feelings, cowgirl position, teasing, fluff.

- ao3 link -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/37239892

-> i'm so sorry for not posting. hopefully, this will make up for it lol. thank you for requesting!! i made luffy extra needy in this one😉enjoy and let me know what you think!!

______________________________________________________

“Please! Just one bite!”, Luffy begs as Sanji gives you a cupcake.

“No Luffy! This is for her!”, Sanji yells. “Here you go, sweetheart”.

“Thank you, Sanji.” You say with a blush. You never got used to the attention Sanji would give you. He would always say sweet words and call you nice names. You couldn’t help but feel flattered.

Luffy pouts as you take a bite. You hum at the sweetest of the cupcake, making Luffy even more upset. As Sanji walks away, you look at Luffy with a sneaky look. You watch as Luffy sits there, grumpy.

“Hey, Luffy,” you whisper, trying to get his attention.

He points at himself, then looks behind him to see if you were talking to anyone else, even if you said his name.

“Yes, Luffy, I’m talking to you”, He walks over, wondering why you called him over. You hold out the rest of your cupcake for him, asking him to take it. He has hearts-for-eyes looking at the cupcake, staring at it with love. He grabs it and immediately shoved it into his mouth, loving the sweet taste of it.

“Thank you so much!”, he says with a big smile, “You’re the best!” he shouts.

You’ve had a thing for Luffy for a while now. You couldn’t help but have a soft spot for him. His determined eyes every time he seems an enemy, the way his smile lights up the whole room, everything. The crush you have on him has been innocent. Staring at him longer, blushing if he compliments you, etc. He has a way of sending butterflies to your stomach like no one has ever before.

Your heart flutters at his smile as you smile back. Suddenly, Usopp and Chopper call him over to fish. He smiles at you one more time before going over to them.

The moon shines in the dark, stars scattering throughout the sky. You watch the moonlight as it reflects upon the dark ocean water, cascading onto the ship.

Luffy watches you from afar as you sit on the edge of the deck. Your face is lit up by the moon, smiling up at the sky. You have always told the crew how much you love the stars and the moon. However, Luffy didn’t quite understand why. You told him something along the lines of ‘beautiful things are meant to be admired’. He didn’t quite understand when you first said it. But now…yeah, he gets it’s.

He understands because he’s looking at you.

His chest tightens and his stomach flutters. For the first time in a while, Luffy blushes. He stands there, eyes wide, mouth agape. He hasn’t really thought about you like this before. Hell, he hasn’t thought about anyone like this before. He doesn’t understand. He wants to hold you by your face, look at you in the eyes and tell you that you’re beautiful.

You hear footsteps approaching you as you watch stars. Before you can turn around, Luffy is grabbing you by your face, staring you straight in the eyes. He is inches away from your face, making your face hot. Your eyes are wide, shocked about the position you are in with your captain.

"You're beautiful," he says with his innocent tone. You audibly gasp. Luffy, the guy who has the attention span of a goldfish, called you beautiful. And you absolutely loved it.

You smile at him with hooded eyes, "Luffy...you're beautiful too", you tell him. He straightens his back, now sporting an intense blush. You have never seen your captain flustered before, let alone for you. Luffy slowly starts to form his signature wide smile, and giggles. Before he can say anything, you move in kiss his cheek. He stares in disbelief as you walk away, heading to your bedroom.

This was just the start...

——————————————————————————

After that night, you guys considered yourself a couple. It's been a couple of months since that night and everything is going better you could have imagined. You didn't even think Luffy knew how to be a boyfriend. But, surprisingly, he's a pretty good partner. Is he embarrassing in front of the crew? Sure. Does he choose food over you? Sometimes. But you make each other happy, and that's all that matters.

Right now you are cuddling in his room. His arms are wrapped around you tightly as he snores. As you try to fall asleep, however, you feel something poking at your back. You wiggle your hips to investigate but all you get is a groan from Luffy. He wakes up, upset.

"Hey! Why are moving around so much! I was having a good dream...", he complains.

"Luffy, you're poking me."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!", you wiggle your hips once more, trying to show him where. However, once he realizes, he goes silent.

"Uhh...Luffy...?", you call out. You turn around to see his face bright red, eyes wide. You inspect further, looking at his body language. He looks stiff, almost uncomfortable. As you look further, you see something poking in his pants. The material of his pants is being pulled, making it obvious that he has a boner.

You and Luffy haven't done anything sexual. The farthest you have gotten was making out. You haven't even had the conversation yet. Sure you make jokes about it. However, it always goes over his head. Of course, you have thought about it. But you didn't think Luffy would be the type of person to even have sex. He seemed too focused on his dreams so you never brought it up.

In actuality, it was quite the opposite. Luffy's dreams of becoming king of the pirates will always be his top priority. But, he's a guy. And you know what guys are? Horny.

Luffy thinks about you sexually a lot. Like, a lot a lot. He never really thought about it before until he had a dream about you. It started off innocent, just you and him cuddling. Then, all of the sudden, you were on your knees sucking him off as he played with your hair. After that day, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He wanted to ask you, but the last thing he would ever want to do was make you uncomfortable. Also, he's content with just thinking about it. He doesn't really mind.

But he just couldn't help himself but think about you lying next to him. He couldn't help but just think about that dream again. He wanted to make it a reality.

"Luffy...are you hard?" you ask, your face burning up out of embarrassment

"Um, maybe?" he responds. You raise your eyebrow at his answer. Maybe? To a yes or no question? C'mon Luffy. However, he quickly gives in.

"Okay, okay! Yes, I am. But it was an accident, okay? I'm sorry." he says. You don't blame him, obviously. He couldn't control it. You just weren't expecting a tent in his pants.

"...well...do you...need help with it?" you ask before you can even think. You can't believe the words that leave your mouth.

“Yes”, he says as soon as the words leave your mouth. You turn over completely, facing him. You hesitantly kiss him, your lips clashing together. He moans into your mouth shamelessly, raking his hands in your hair. You break the kiss and move on top of him, straddling his waist. He feels the heat from your cunt on his cock and grabs both your thighs with his hands, stabilizing himself.

"Luffy I didn't know you were so...sensitive", you say, looking at him with a smirk. He grinds into you, unable to stop his hips from rutting. You whine at the feeling of his hard cock brushing against your clit.

"Mmm, please...just... do something!", he whines. You give in, moving your body downwards so that you are looking up at him with your face near his cock. You slowly unbutton his pants, pulling down his boxers with it. His cock flings out of his pants, precum dripping from his tip. It wasn't small, that's for sure. You couldn't help but lick your lips at the way the veins on his cock throbbed with need. Luffy let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

You grab the base of it while watching Luffy, looking for a reaction. Even the smallest touch of your fingertips has him writhing. He couldn't help it. The way your small hand looked wrapped around him made him dizzy, the feeling in his gut intensifying. You stroked him up and down, looking at the way his precum just slips out of his tip and onto your hand. His heavy breathing and whines were all that took up your brain as your mouth made its way to his tip. As soon as your tongue hits his tip, he moans, grabbing the bedsheets. You suck on his tip, bobbing your head up and down.

"Yes, that feels so good", he praises, "Please go faster, please," he begged, chasing his release. You did as he said; since he asked oh-so nicely. As you quicken your pace, you also move your head down deeper, going as far as you can.

Luffy whines, "Yes, yes, oh my god, yes". His heavy breathing quickly becomes pants as you run your tongue on the underside of his cock. The sounds from him go straight to your core, soaking your underwear.

"I think- I'm- gonna cum!", he exclaims. You look each other in the eyes as he waits for you to move. However, you don't. In fact, you go deeper, wanting to feel his cum go down your throat. His eyes widen, realizing you want him to cum in your mouth, to swallow it all. It's this thought that has him cumming. His back is arching off the bed, his head tilted back, hands gripping the bedsheets as hard as he can.

You take your mouth off of him slowly, letting his cock fall limp. You look up to see him with a blissful smile. Luffy suddenly looks at you and says,

“Your turn!”

…Huh?!

“But, Luffy, this was about you,” you reason.

“Okay, well…now it’s about you!”, he says with his signature smile. Before you can react he’s sitting up, grabbing your arm and waist and situating you onto his chest.

“Lu-Luffy…are you sure?”, you gulp.

“Yes! Now come on!”

You hesitantly get off his chest and take off your shorts. As you do, you feel his stare on you. No shame, no embarrassment, just pure lust. You put your legs around his head, your pussy right above his hungry mouth. Luffy hums.

“There’s a wet spot.”

“Luffy!“, you cry out. You are about to die of embarrassment and nothing has even happened yet. He chuckles and loves your panties to the side to expose your wet, pretty cunt.

He put his hands on the back of your thighs and the feeling has you shivering. His warm fingers against your skin have you forcefully shutting your mouth to not let any noise out.

He tentatively licks against your underwear, his tongue bumping against your clit. You whimper, falling forward and catching yourself against the bed.

He continues to lick just like that. Soft, almost gentle. You let whines unintentionally, but you're slowly losing your will to care. He grips your thighs harder when your head falls back, moaning into your cunt. This sends a wave of vibration through your clit, like a shock of electricity.

“Oh my god, Luffy”, you breathe out. He continues to laugh at your reactions, having the time of his life watching you fall apart. But, he wants more. And if Luffy wants something, he gets it.

He puts his mouth around your clit and sucks.

Your eyes open wide as you moan into your hand, covering the noises. He hums onto your clit, sending more shockwaves through your body. He lets go of your clit, catching his breath.

“You look so pretty,” he says as he put his mouth right back onto your cunt. You whine, grabbing his hair and shoving his face closer to your pussy. You have never been this wet before. The way his tongue swipes across your clit has your head spinning, and soon enough, you're about to cum.

“Luffy, I- 'm cumming!” Your confession makes him go faster, moving his tongue in every direction. You throw your head back as you cum, the knot snapping inside of you.

Luffy can’t look away. The face your make, the noise you make, the noises your pussy makes, god. It's just too much for him to handle. He’s now rock hard again as you cum, swallowing it all. As you come down from your high, you move off of his face and onto his chest. You see your slick all over his face, making you even more embarrassed.

You lean down and kiss him, both of you smiling. Your taste yourself in his mouth as you swipe your tongue across his lips. You separate your lips and smile at him. However, Luffy seems to avoid eye contact with you again.

“What’s wrong Luffy?” you ask, nervous that you upset him in some way.

“…I’m hard again…”, he confesses. He thought you would be upset, however, you just laugh.

“Do you… need my help again?” You look at him in a way that makes him rut his hips. Your eyes, your smirk, everything.

“Yes,” he quickly responds.

You move your body down, shimming until you’re at his cock. Your rock your hips back and forth, dragging your pussy across his cock, teasing him. He moans, gripping the sheets.

He can’t wait any longer. He just can’t. Your warm cunt right above his cock, sliding in-between your folds.

“Put- put it in,” he stutters breathlessly.

“What do we say?” you tease. You can’t help it. The way he looks right now is something right out of porn. He looks so…needy.

“Please?” he whines, wanting, no, needing your pussy. Your face heats up at his begging, not expecting him, your captain, to beg for you.

You give him what he wants- and what you want too- by sinking down on his cock. The tips just slide in as you both gasp. The stretch is painful but good. So good that you sit

|completely down on his cock.

Luffy is in love. With you or the feeling? He isn’t sure. What he does know, however, is that he needs more.

He quickly grabs the back of your thighs, lifts up your hips, and starts going slow. His cock hits the spot that has your eyes rolling back.

“Lu- Luff- y,” you stammer out his name, “fe-feels so-o good.”

Hearing you choke out his name like that has him thrusting faster, pounding into you so fast you feel like you are about to break. The way your walls are fluttering against him has his cock throbbing.

“You feel so good around me like this,” he groans. He watches the way your breasts bounce in your shirt. He moves one of his hands under your shirt and gropes your breast. You moan at the feeling of his rough hands against your soft skin, his fingers brushing against your nipple.

“Luf- Luffy, I’m gonna- gonna cum!” You warn him. Your cunt clamps down on him, feeling so utterly full.

He brings the hand on your breast down to your clit, rubbing it back and forth. You cum, covering your mouth with your hand to hide your moans. Luffy cums shortly after, filling you up. It leaks out of your pussy, spilling all over your thighs.

You lay together, catching your breath. Your head lies in between in his neck, breathing in his scent and watching the sweat fall from his forehead and along his neck.

“Can we…do it again? Another time?” Luffy asks, looking in your eyes with hope. He’s basically bouncing up and down with excitement.

“I’d like that very much, Luffy,” you say smiling.

After you both clean up and head to bed, you cuddle, as you do every night. However, you feel Luffy clinging to you like a dog, his boner poking you in the back again. You can already tell this Is going to become a daily thing, but you’re not complaining.

——————————————————————————

#anime #one piece x reader #one piece #one piece smut #monkey d. luffy #luffy x reader #straw hat luffy #luffy smut

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marcyyss · 2 years ago

Text

' Summer Romance '

Bruce Yamada x Reader

I took this idea from a hc post, i dont remember the person's user so pls if u know it tag them :(

Summary: you and Bruce always go to the same summer camp, and since then you two are best friends! You guys know that you like each other but never make a move, till one summer

Today was the most waited day for you, it was the first day of summer camp and you get to see Bruce once again!

You were waiting for Bruce's car in the enter of the camp, you were nervous because your friends told you to confess to him this summer, you were always talking about him, his eyes, his smile, his hair and how much you missed him

As you were daydreaming about him, you heard a car parking close so you turned to that car and you saw the most handsome, cute, pretty and adorable boy of all time " Bruce Yamada " looking at you with a big smile, as always so you run to him and give him a big hug

— " Bruce, i missed you so much! "

— " I missed you too y/n! How are you? "

— " Im great of course, because im with youuu "

— " Haha stop it, my parents are here "

Bruce said goodbye to his parents and they left.

— " I love your parents, they are so sweet.. not like you "

— " I never saw YOUR parents tho "

— " They dont like you "

— " My in-laws dont like me?! "

It was a common joke between you two, everyone thought that you and Bruce were a couple so you let them think that because its funny

— " I dont like you either, next summer im going to stop going here and leaving you ALL alone "

— " Finally, a peaceful summer "

— " So Bruce.. We should get inside right? "

— " Sure, lets see what "FUN" activities we get this year "

You two enter the camp, it is a nice place, nature, friends, adults that they are supposed to be helpful but they arent.

Actually you guys are "famous" there, everyone know you two, and you know everyone

— " I always thought thag i will be super lonely here and everyone will hate me "

You said, randomly as always

— " Yeah, i know, but little silly me talked to you so now i have to stand you all summer. "

— " YEAH BUT, you love me, your parents love me, now kiss me Brucyyy~ "

— " BRUCY?! Thats the best nickname you could think of? "

— " Duh, what kind of name is Bruce anyways? I cant think of anything else "

— " DONT YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF MY NAME. "

You and Bruce were either the BEST team in the activities or rivals who wants the other to lose.

Like in some activitie which you and other person had one of ur feet tied together and you had to go to the finish line first to win!

You and your partner fall, and Bruce and his partner won. Of course you said that Bruce pushed you but he did not ( or he did?.. )

And in a fishing activie, you two were in the same team and the camp had fish to eat for a whole week

The part that you two enjoyed the most was sleeping time, you and Bruce sneak out of the cabins and go for a walk by the lake, its like a rutine of everyday, breakfast, activities, lunch, rest, activities, dinner, and walk by the lake

— " So.. This girl Penny looked at you with love eyes "

— " I kissed her last year, totally not worth it "

— " Maybe she got better in kissing? "

— " Maybe she didn't? I dont want to kiss her again, im traumatized for last time "

— " HAH, its not worse then when i had to kiss JAKE "

— " I Can't believe that you actually did it. "

— " I wasn't going to lose truth or dare "

— " Surprised that no one asked us to kiss tho "

— " Awww Brucyyy do you want to kiss meeee? "

— " Yeah. No. "

— " You are diying to kiss my lips mua muaaa "

time passes and you two sit near the lake

— " Im so exhausted, doing activities and games all day is tiring "

Bruce said, as he lays down on the floor

— " Yeah, i know, its kinda fun tho.. "

— " Of course it its, its fun spending time with you and beating you on games "

— " You know im the best "

— " Yeah sure y/n, I AM the best "

— " You know Bruce? I always liked you "

— " Ugh, disgusting "

— " You are disgusting! "

— " Yeah, i like you too "

— " Damn, i guess i should kiss your ugly and disgusting face now MMWAAAAK "

You grabbed his face and kissed him

— " Ew, so disgusting, you are a worst kisser then Penny "

— " Shut up. "

Agggg i love Bruce

#fluff #headcanons #fanfic #bruce yamada #bruce yamada x reader #finney blake #finney blake x reader #robin arellano #robin arellano x reader #the black phone x reader #vance hopper x reader #vance hopper

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heythere-mel · 3 years ago

Text

Drunk In Love

Frankie Morales x f!reader

W/C: 1.8K+

Warnings: Language, Friends to lovers? F L U F F 🤍

Summary: A little liquid courage reveals some big secrets.

A/N: So I was tagged in a post with a possible prompt idea and I couldn’t let it go so here’s my little twist on it. (Prompt will be in red yall!) Thank you @kteague and @icanbeyourjedi both for your endless support, ilysm! Likes, reblogs, any love appreciated. Enjoy!! 💜💜

——-

“Has anyone seen Frankie?”

“Upstairs in Ben’s room I think. That liquor is finally starting to hit him.” Will snickers as he throws a few more beer cans into the trash bag.

Tonight was all about celebrating Benny’s huge win during his latest fight. A total underdog going in, he had crushed the competition which ultimately called for a celebration. Everyone had stopped by at various times throughout the night except one person. The only person Frankie longed to see and talk to. They all knew your work had been hectic lately and the chances of you coming out were slim, but Frankie held on to that slight glimmer of hope with every passing guest through the door.

“Come have a shot with us Fish!”

“Yeah! She would want you to be having fun!” Benny called out.

The guys loved teasing him about his growing crush on you. Knowing he was too chickenshit to actually say anything, with or without you here.

“Very funny cabrón. Just give me the damn drink.” That was nearly a few hours ago.

Santi took the steps two at a time until he came upon Benny’s rec room. It was a work in progress but the essentials were there. Including a new giant plush beanbag chair that had become a favorite amongst the grown men. Benny and Frankie always fighting over whom would be able to lounge on it during get togethers. He was slumped deep into the cushion with his phone above his head completely entranced by the screen.

“What ya lookin at there Fish?”

“Hmm,” he looks over at Santiago with eyes half lidded and a bashful grin. He’s seen that look from his best friend before. Frankie is definitely feeling good.

“Wait, is that?...”

“Yeahhhh,” he lovingly sighs, followed by a small hiccup. “Isn’t she just the most beautiful girl in the world?” turning his phone more towards him. Frankie had been going through a hidden photo album when Santi walked in. It was a little something he had put together for particular moments like this. Moments when he was just simply missing you. The picture was from the state fair a few months back. You had on your favorite yellow sundress and signature white sneakers. ‘Cute yet casual’ he remembers you saying. You were fully enveloped in some cotton candy when he snuck the picture. The web of sticky sweet treat making you giggle as it hit your tongue, changing it to a bright shade of pink. He had never seen something so pure in his whole life.

Santi watched as his friend gushed over the photo. If heart eyes were real, Frankie’s would be their poster child.

“You really like her, don’t you?”

“No, Santiago. I love her.”

Santi’s eyes widen at his friends direct admission. His own shit-eating grin creeping on to his face. FINALLY he thought. He knew Frankie was a little tipsy right now but from the way he, along with everyone else in the group, had seen the two of you dancing around each other it was about time someone admits it. Plus, you know what they say; the only people to ever tell the truth are children and drunks.

“You should tell her man!”

Frankie’s head snaps in his direction as if it were so obvious.

“You’re right hermano! I gotta tell her!”

Frankie stumbles with his phone, the device looking smaller in his big hands as he begins to smash out a text to you.

——-

You didn’t know how long you were out but by the small amount of drool starting to gather and make its way down your face you would assume it had been a while. You had dozed off at your laptop. Knowing your friends were all having fun without you while you prepped the last PowerPoint for your huge project at work was in hindsight a little sad, but as of tomorrow afternoon you too could properly celebrate. You had been so busy with work lately, there hadn’t been a chance to see or spend time with any of your boys. You missed the rowdiness. You missed him. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking of your friend in this way but the idea of Frankie’s warm embrace was enough to send you into a blissful sleep, that is until your phone startled you awake. Slowly perking up when you saw it was an incoming text from him.

Mi cielo! You awake?

You look at the time on your phone. It was almost 1am. Before you could answer, another text comes in.

It’s late of course you’re not…

Busy workin. Now sleeping. My beautiful brainy girl.

Your face flushes at the endearment. Say something!

Frankie! Hi! I’m awake. Are you okay? It’s late. Did you make it home?

Cielito! Better now that I’m talking to you. This party’s lame cause you’re not here.

Hahah I’m gonna tell Benny you called his party lame.

I’ll tell him myself! LAME. BENJAMIN. 😎

I miss you guys! I’m sorry I couldn’t come out tonight. Tomorrow though! I’m gonna need a drink or two!

Baby I’ll buy you ALLLLL the drinks! 🍹🍻🥂

I’m holding you to that Morales! Oh, did you need a ride home or anything? I’m guessing YOU’VE had a few? 😉 Lol

It was late and you were still willing to come for him. The gesture alone solidified his next actions. Just go for it Francisco!

Always caring for me. Someone should care for you…

And who do you suggest that be?…

ME OBVIOUSLY. Always cared for you.

Know why I call you mi cielo? Cause you’re my sky, my heaven on earth, my everything.

I’m sorry. Santi said I talk too much. I don’t care tho. My love, I am intoxicated, but I just wanted you to know…my real feelings.

You were at a loss for words. How do you respond to that? You see the bubbles start to form on the screen, anticipating what he may say next. He seems to be writing forever but they stop. No indication of a new text coming in and that sinking feeling hits you like a truck. Did one of your best friends and the man you were harboring a huge crush on really just say all that? Was any of it true? Or just drunk talk?

——-

“ …so amazing. wanna marry you one day, make all the babies. We’d have fun with that part 😉 travel the world I CAN FLY US and just everything with you…” Frankie slightly slurs out as he types away.

“WHOAAA HOLD ON FISH!” Pope snatches Frankie’s phone from him, quickly erasing everything he just wrote out to you.

“Look, I’m glad you’re coming to your senses but if you text her all this, instead of telling her in person, she’ll never believe you. Plus, it’s late and you’re a bit drunk.”

“But I love her even when I’m not drunk!”

Santi barked out a laugh at the serious look on his friends face.

“I know buddy, but you’ll thank me later. Here, look at these pictures of her for right now.” Santi pulled up your Instagram account to the photos from your birthday hike. It was you and all the guys, the accompanying pictures in the post were of an individual photo with each of them. Frankie scrolls to the one of you and him. His arm around your waist and yours around his neck as you posed cheek to cheek. This one was a favorite of his and also in his secret album. He zooms in to your face and kisses his screen.

“Goodnight cariño.” Frankie whispers as he shuts his eyes. The soft beanbag hugging him as he drifts off to the photo still being displayed on his phone. Santi sees this as the perfect opportunity to snap a picture and send it to you, knowing you’re probably wondering what the hell was actually going on.

——-

It has been about twenty minutes now and not another word from Frankie. You had moved to your bed to try and get some sleep but it was useless. Should I call him? No this isn’t an over the phone conversation. Ugh just another thing to overthink tonight. You toss and turn trying to get comfortable when your phone on the nightstand lights up.

“Pope: 1 Attachment”

You quickly unlock your phone to a picture of Frankie curled up as best as possible on the beanbag chair. You let out a small snicker when a message pops up:

As you probably know, our Fish is a little outta it. I remember my first drink lol but in all honesty, everything he told you tonight is true. I don’t mean to spill his secrets but the man adores you. As you see from the attached picture, he fell asleep with your photo pulled up on his phone. I’m also keeping the picture I took for future clowning opportunities. It’ll make a great story at your wedding 😏 okay goodnight!

You sat in bed on the verge of happy tears. Texting one final thing back:

Make sure he gets to a proper bed please. You know how his back is.

——-

Despite getting only a few hours of sleep, you managed to get through your presentation at work and killing it. You decided after to cut the day short and surprise Frankie. You pulled up to the Miller’s place and let yourself in, running into Santiago in the process.

“Hi there!” he says to you in a playful voice.

“Hi Santi. Ummm, is Frankie still..?”

“Yeah, lover boy is still passed out in Ben’s room. Go wake his ass up. You’re the only person he probably wouldn’t yell at for disturbing his beauty sleep, el borracho.”

——-

Opening the door as quietly as possible, you find Frankie still sound asleep. Walking over to him, you find enough space to sit down on the bed next to him. He looks so peaceful, the curls from his now longer hair look just as soft as they are wild. You take the opportunity to run your fingers through them, sweeping a rogue strand from his forehead. He inhales sharply at your touch, slowly opening his eyes while leaning into you.

“Cielo, hi.”

“Hi Francisco.”

“I’m not dreaming am I?”

“No hermoso, it’s me. I’m really here.”

“About last night…”

“Did you mean it?...”

The eye contact between you is consuming. Your heart strumming erratically from the look he is giving you.

“Every word.”

Frankie doesn’t overthink it, pulling you down to him in the most passionate kiss, pouring every thought and feeling he’s wanted to convey to you since you’d first met. Your head is spinning from the euphoric rush of finally feeling those plush lips against yours. You giggle as you start to pull back, not before he peppers your face with sweet little pecks.

“You have room under here for me? A sweet, yet drunk dork kept me up late last night and I could use a little nap.”

“For you mi cielo, always.”

#drunk in love #frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales fluff #frankie catfish morales #pedro pascal#mel writes!

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kipscorner · 2 years ago

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-- Anything in parentheses (abc) feel free to delete! -- Anything in square brackets [abc] feel free to change! -- This is a long post, so please remember to tag “long post tw” or some kind of varient of the sort so you don’t clog mobile users dashes/people who don’t have “shorten posts.” turned on! :D

“Doesn't this seem like a bit much?”

“This is what Christmas is all about! Can't you feel it?”

“You guys, where are we? I think we should go back.”

“Serves them right, those Yuletide-loving sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers!”

“I really don't like them. No, I don't.”

“I've been much too tolerant of these (Whovenile) delinquents and their innocent, victimless pranks.”

“So, they want to get to know me, do they?”

“I guess I could use a little social interaction.”

“Yeah, you bet. Ho, ho, ho, and stuff…”

“You see, [name]? The city is a dangerous place.”

“Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.”

“Well, it's just, I look around at you and [Mom] and everyone getting all kerbobbled. Doesn't this seem...superﬂuous?”

“I think they were up on the mountain playing with matches, or defacing public property, or....”

“Take a look at his mailbox, (sweetie). Not a single Christmas card, in or out… Ever!”

“And for the rest of you: Jury duty! Jury duty! Jury duty! Blackmail. Pink slip. Chain letter. Eviction notice. Jury duty!”

“Well, that worked out nicely.”

“[Max], let's go. Our work here is finished.”

“Don't you know you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you? What's your problem? Are you a wild animal?”

“Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing? Wrong-o.”

“You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping! I am so proud of you.”

“My, I've never seen so many beautiful Christmas lights, [Betty Lou!]”

“It's handcrafted and almost 100 years old.”

“Come on, hurry up, Slowpoke.”

“What's that stench? It's fantastic!”

“One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.”

“Did Christmas change or just me?"

“First floor, factory rejects.”

“But we did our worst. And that's all that matters.”

“At least I scared the bejeebles out of that little [girl] at the post office. [She]'ll be scarred for life, if we're lucky.”

“Funny she didn't rat on us, though. Must be afraid of reprisals.”

“If you utter so much as one syllable I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish!”

“I've got all the company I need right here.”

“I'm an idiot!”

“You're an idiot!”

“Am I just eating because I'm bored?”

“In your own words, please tell me everything you know about [the Grinch.]”

“Hey, honey, our baby is here! He looks just like your boss.”

“It was Christmas Eve, and a strange wind blew that night.”

“Do you want a Christmas cookie?”

“Don't forget, tomorrow is our big Christmas gift exchange.Everyone bring a special gift for a special someone.”

“You don't have a chance with [her].”

“It was a horrible day when they were so cruel to [him]. And I could hardly bear it.”

“And that was the last time we ever saw [him]. The very last time.”

“I hate you.Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. Loathe entirely!”

“Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!”

“I may do something drastic.”

“You made that up! It doesn't say that.”

“But the book does say: The cheer-meister is the one who deserves a back slap or a toast. And it goes to the soul at Christmas who needs it most."

“Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.”

“The impudence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall!”

“You called down the thunder now, get ready for the boom!”

“Gaze into the face of fear!”

“You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you.”

“Run for your life before I kill again!”

“Maybe you need a time-out.”

“Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television.”

“"Holiday Whobie-what-y"?”

“I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding?”

“I myself am having some Yuletide doubts.”

“Award? You never mentioned an award!”

“Was anyone emotionally shattered?”

“Come on, a minute ago I couldn't shut you up! Details, details!”

“I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger, less hairy me.”

“Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life!”

“You can make snow angels later.”

“The nerve of those (Whos). Inviting me down there on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it.”

“4:00, wallow in self-pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger tell no one. 5:30, jazzercise. 6:30, dinner with me… I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I'm booked! If I bumped the loathing to 9:00, I'd have time to lay in bed stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.”

“It's not a dress, it's a kilt! Sicko!”

“This is ridiculous. If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! That's it, I'm not going.”

“Ohh, ahh, mmm… That's it, I'm not going.”

“[He] isn't here. What? [He] didn't show? Who could have predicted this?

“All right. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me grab a handful of popcorn shrimp, and blow out of there.”

“But what if it's a cruel prank? What if it's a cash bar? How dare they!”

“All right, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late.”

“All right. I've made my decision! I'm going, and that's that!”

“Come on, while I'm young!”

“But first, a little family reunion.”

“Are you two still living?”

“Sweater? What are you talkin' about? No, I can't! I can't do that!”

“No. I can't do it, honestly. I'm not ready. It's too much, too soon!”

“I've got a lawyer. There'll be hell to pay!”

“Look at the time. I really should be getting back.”

“Bring it on! Is that all you got? Is that all you got? Come on!”

“That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about!”

“Look, I don't want to make waves, but this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid!”

“There is, however one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful. Mistletoe.”

“Burn, baby! Burn!”

“Evening, folks. Mind if I ride along? You might want to scooch over.”

“You fellas all right? How about a nice hat?”

“I'm hurt, [Lou]. I'm hurt, and I don't hurt easily.”

“But you and your family.... I'm so disappointed.”

“I just wanted everybody to be together for Christmas.”

“Suffering snorkelblatz! They're relentless!”

“Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme!”

“I must stop this whole thing. Why for year after year I've put up with it now.”

“Are you having a holly, jolly Christmas? Wrong-o!”

“If you're not going to help me then you might as well…”

“You're as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel.”

“Just face the music, you're a monster.”

“Your heart's an empty hole.”

“I asked for three-quarters, not five-eighths. Stay focused!”

“Air bag is a little slow. But that's what these tests are for!”

“Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it!”

“Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.”

“No, forget that part. We'll improvise.”

“Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial.”

“We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up, and then I'm gonna die!”

“[Mommy], tell it to stop!”

“Almost lost my cool there.”

“It's Santa! Go right back to sleep.”

“[He]'s planning a double-twisting interrupted forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty.”

“Blasted water weight! Goes right to my hips.”

“Okay, fellas. Show time.”

“[Mr. Santa], what are you doing with our tree?”

“[Santa], what's Christmas really about?”

“I know [he]'s mean and hairy and smelly. [His] hands might be cold and clammy. But I think [he]'s actually kind of sweet.”

“Nice kid. Bad judge of character.”

“Clearance sale. Everything must go.”

“That wasn't so bad, was it, [Max]?”

“What an embarrassment! I've been robbed!”

“I wonder who could have done this.”

“But did anyone listen to me? No.”

“[Cindy], I hope you're very proud of what you've done.”

“You're glad. You're glad everything is gone. You're glad that [the Grinch] virtually wrecked.... No, not wrecked, pulverized Christmas. Is that what I'm hearing?”

“You can't hurt Christmas, [Mr. Mayor], because it isn't about the gifts or the contests or the fancy lights. That's what [Cindy]'s been trying to tell everyone! And me. [She]'s been trying to tell me.”

“What's wrong with you? This is a child!”

“[She]'s my child. And she happens to be right, by the way.”

“I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here, my family!”

“Now for the final note in my symphony of downright nasty not-niceness! The crescendo of my odious opus! The wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears!”

“Somehow or other, it came Just the same!”

“How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!”

“Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

“Help me! I'm feeling!”

“What's happening to me? I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking?”

“All right, that's enough! Knock it off! beat it! Get out of here! One step at a time!

“Wait! This can't happen! It shouldn't! It couldn't! It mustn't! It wouldn't! Not now, not then, not ever again!”

“What are you doing up there!?”

“I came to see you. No one should be alone on Christmas.”

“I got you, [Cindy Lou]!”

“Are you kiddin'? The sun is bright and the powder's bitchin'!”

“Now scoot over! It's my turn to drive!”

“Now you listen to me, [young] [lady]! Even if we're horribly mangled there'll be no sad faces on Christmas.”

“By the way, these lights match your outfit perfectly.”

“This could be more difficult to negotiate.”

“Out of the way! I have no insurance!”

“Run for your lives! Watch out, I can't stop!”

“Aren't you gonna cuff me? Put me in a choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray?”

“Sorry but my heart belongs to someone else.”

“Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.”

“There's nothin' like the holidays.”

“Too late! That'll be mine.”

#rp meme #inbox meme #sentence starters #the grinch meme #christmas inbox meme

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bonvoyagenoona · 2 years ago

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BTS Case Conceptualizations | Jin

Intro: Thanks again for indulging me as I share more about my characterization process for writing BTS fanfics (for more, check out the tag #how i write)! This started with a post about how easy or hard it is to write about the guys (you can check it out here), and additional questions about my characterization process! Here are some abridged notes for context:

Psychological principles guide my writing style, partially because of my training, partially because psychology and writing (especially fanfiction writing!) are so intrinsically linked, and partially because I just happen to naturally gravitate toward delving deeper into core beliefs of characters

The framework that I use for characterization is based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which assumes that people’s core beliefs about the Self, the World, and the Future influence people’s thoughts and actions

I use the members as ways to describe central themes in stories by using them to illustrate conflicts and/or resolutions in beliefs about the Self, the World, and the Future

For more on the series, click here, or follow the tag #bts case conceptualizations!

Jin

Our next installment is for our beloved Seokjinnie!

Jin’s concerns are about his Significance. I always think about his desire to celebrate himself in some ways:

source: JINSONYEONDAN

And I juxtapose that with his shyness when he is being celebrated by other members, like when Hobi was so quick to thank and celebrate Jin for working just as hard for PTD LV even while injured:

source: bellank 18

Contrast that further with how Jin also points out when people aren’t paying attention to him on his special days. Remember Jin’s birthday Vlive in 2020?

source: vlive

We celebrate Jin for being braggadocious in the silliest way. He’s goofy, random, and sweet. But at his heart, he’s humble, even self-deprecating about his capabilities, role, and personality. This particular juxtaposition screams something to my psychologist brain. Jin’s tendency to swing from braggadociousness to self-deprecation often reminds me of this scene from Fleabag, in which her therapist points out her tendency to use humor as a defense mechanism.

youtube

I think about this scene all the time. My therapist-y ears perk up when I feel people doing this when I’m talking with them. And we see Jin do this all the time. In fact, it’s a big part of his idol identity. Jin himself acknowledges using “Worldwide Handsome” as a joke:

'I’m nothing special, and I’m someone who doesn’t particularly excel at anything,' Jin said.

'Though people around me don’t think of me that way at all…if I even start to say something like this, they’ll say, "How can you say that? You’ve accomplished amazing things,"' he continued.

'But I still have a hard time accepting that. If someone were to ask me what sets me apart from other people, I wouldn’t have much to say other than "I’m a member of BTS,"' Jin shared.

source: Daily Mail

Humor is a well-known defense mechanism in the Freudian / psychodynamic sense. CBT doesn’t recognize defense mechanisms using the same terminology, but the use of humor can help identify irrational beliefs that one can hold about themselves. Check out these studies that examine the role that humor may play in identifying and breaking down such behavioral patterns.

This allows us to point out the all-or-nothing thinking that we can all succumb to: the idea that “one absolutely must be competent, adequate, and achieving in all important respects or else one is an inadequate, worthless person” (source: Psychology Today).

And I think this is particularly important, as we’ve seen time and time again, when someone is valued for their looks, or something completely arbitrary that they don’t have control over. People discount them. So much so that they may start to discount themselves.

source: anonymous954

And what happens when you’re a small fish in a big pond? What happens when you’re known for your looks, but you’re in an environment where everyone looks incredible? It’s even easier to question what you might bring to the table. To question what might be uniquely yours. What might be uniquely you.

CBT Application Through Core Beliefs

Self: Significance Negative core beliefs: I am insignificant; I am forgettable. Positive core beliefs: I am integral; I am included.

World: Attention Negative core beliefs: The world ignores me. Positive core beliefs: The world celebrates me.

Future: Negative core belief: People will question if I ever deserved to be here. Positive core belief: People will think I’m special.

At his worst, Jin sees himself as someone who doesn’t contribute anything to the team. In some ways, his sense of humor allows him to mask that insecurity; in other ways, it helps him get to the joke first before anybody else can call him out on what he thinks are his flaws. I’ve been re-reading Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck, and this statement really sums that up:

However, at his best, Jin is particularly powerful.

Jin somehow always finds a way to embrace that insignificance.

'You know how everyone is born with a certain talent? I think my talent is that when something unpleasant happens or when I’m having a tough time mentally, I’m able to forget things quickly,' he said.

Jin added that, 'if I focus on my everyday life, I naturally wind up forgetting and moving forward.'

He also made quite the surprising admission that he doesn't think he's special at all.

source: Daily Mail

He spoke with Yoongi in a very “do or do not, there is no try” kind of way during their chat during season 1 of In the Soop, strongly making the point that happiness cannot be achieved or accomplished; it is merely a state of being. And it’s that enlightenment that I try to speak to in my fics.

Characterizations: A Map of Mrs. Kims, Hideaway

In A Map of Mrs. Kims, which is a work in progress, Jin is a character meant to investigate what it is to live as an independent person in today’s world, someone who is not focused on long-term partnership, someone who is fulfilled as he is on his own. In addition to that, he is a casanova focused on his career and immediate family. But when his mother, or his friends, press him on his love life, he does have a bit of a guard up. He tries to cover this up with jokes that focus instead on his sexual prowess.

“How many girls??” Retsuko’s eyes glisten with curiosity and excitement.

Jin pauses typing and looks sideways at her, eyes narrowing.

“You can’t be reveling in this.”

“I know I tease you relentlessly, but it’s because you’re hot as shit, smart as shit, kind as shit, but shouldn’t be single as shit.”

“I’m not single as shit.”

Jin presses ENTER on his keyboard and lets his initial data analysis run as he swivels his chair to face Retsuko head on.

“I’m just single. It’s not shitty, being single. I go on dates when I want. But I like—”

“—your independence, yeah yeah yeah,” Retsuko mocks, nodding her head exaggeratedly. She sits back and crosses her legs, the inside of her right knee resting on her left. “You do know that you don’t just merge into the person you commit to, right? You’re still your own person. You don’t just… blob together, like glue, or snot, or… or… I dunno, name another viscous fluid.”

Jin smirks.

Retsuko smirks back. “That’s why you’re single.”

“I just have too much viscous fluid in me to save it all for one person,” Jin says, turning back to his screen and scanning the syntax of his analysis. “Sharing is caring.”

“Well,” Retsuko says, “you might find out that after years of sharing—”

“Incessant sharing.”

“Incessant sharing—”

“Messy. Criminally so.”

“After your incessant, messy, criminal, absolutely depraved and disgusting sharing,” Retsuko jokes, “you’ll look up and find that there’s no one to share with anymore.”

Obviously, happiness is not only discovered through romantic partnership. I just happen to enjoy exploring the meaning of different kinds of personal relationships in my fics. But compare AMOMK Jin’s reaction here to Hideaway Jin’s reaction to partnership.

Here, instead of using humor to deflect or mask, he chooses to be vulnerable. When discussing the nature of his and Y/N’s working relationship, meant to support a chaebol that consists of many families, he decides to be honest about his feelings, particularly about how that affects his friendship and personal relationship with Y/N.

You know what Jin means. If you abide by the current familial obligations, you don’t doubt that this will come up again and again. It puts undue stress on a relationship. Before Kwan, you were hopeful that you’d just find someone who understood. Now, you’re sure that no one will, and you’re beginning to resign yourself to that fate. But you can’t just turn your back on tradition. On power. On your parents. On your family. On Jin.

“I think you’re going to be the only guy in my life,” you say.

Jin’s breath hitches in his chest. You feel his body stutter.

You take some time to finish your tea. You’re feeling better, just waiting for all of this turmoil to settle. And Jin choosing to wait with you is helping.

“I’d be honored to be the next guy,” Jin says with a smirk.

You laugh.

“Why is that funny?” Jin asks, looking at you playfully.

“You know what I meant,” you say, leaning over and setting your empty mug on the table. “It’s just not going to happen for me, as long as I choose to focus on work, and on you.”

“What if you put a different kind of focus on me, then?”

You turn to Jin, confused.

As if to explain, Jin slowly raises his arm, the one that’s between you, the one you’re leaning on, and wraps it around you, under the blanket. He hugs you closer to him. You feel his fingers press against your arm and run down to your hand, intertwining his fingers into yours.

“Think about it, Friday. Think about me.”

You close your eyes and sigh, sinking into his hold.

He does feel good.

You’re looking straight ahead, but he turns his head and rests his chin on top of your head. Under the blanket, he moves his other arm to find your knees, scooping his forearm under them and turning you so that your legs run across his lap. He brings his arms around you, his hand still intertwined with yours. You look at him finally, questioningly. Your arm finds its way to his broad chest, and when you trace the collar of his muscle shirt, the blanket slips off of you both slightly, falling to your waists.

You deepen your touch, feeling the outline of the muscles of his firm chest. He sighs and closes his eyes, breathing hard. You’re starting to feel too warm, like you might start sweating.

He feels you, too. His hands are running up from your ankles to your thigh, moving across your stomach, and then down your other thigh to your other ankle. He grabs hold of your calf and massages it.

His other hand moves to your back, stroking it gently, first with just the knuckle of his thumb, but then with his entire palm, his fingers tickling in its wake. He grabs at your side, and you move against him, pressing into his chest harder, and letting out a little gasp.

You place your hand on his cheek, and he presses his hand over yours. You stroke his cheek, and he licks his lips. You gaze into each other’s eyes, and you see a glimmer of what could be.

But your gut is telling you the same thing that it will tell you in bed at Jin’s hideaway.

This won’t work.

You break your gaze and bring your hands down his neck, down his chest, and then back into your lap. You lean your head against his collarbone.

“We can’t, Jin.”

He watches you silently, both of you cooling back down, his hold feeling more like its usual caring and friendly hug.

“I just want you to know… I’m not a joke, either,” Jin says.

In all of my Jin stories, save maybe one, there is some aspect of insignificance or insecurity about his performance or identity in some way, whether it’s as a professional, or a significant other, or a lover. He often covers that up with humor, and he also has the tendency to act in boyishly, rapscallion-y, selfish, and self-destructive ways in an attempt to keep expectations of him extremely low. By the end of his character arcs, things have rarely changed for him. For example, in Hideaway, he still faces the huge responsibility of taking over his father’s company. However, the way he cognitively reframes his situation helps him see that responsibility through. Similarly to how IRL Jin thinks about BTS, Hideaway Jin realizes that he doesn’t have to do it all himself. And that takes the pressure off.

I write Jin in this way to honor the fact that we all fear our own potential. We have a hard time seeing our own strengths. We get confused when we try to line up with what other people value. When familiarity breeds contempt, knowing ourselves and being extremely self-aware, can sometimes backfire. So, we sometimes need to forget — or at the very least, go easy on ourselves. Jin teaches us how to embrace the things that we are uncomfortable with and turn them into our own joys. In a world where we often wonder what we can bring to the table, or how we can show up for others, we often forget that just showing up at all is more than enough.

As always, thanks for reading! What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? I’m always interested in hearing what you have to say, so send me an ask or comment below!

🧠 Cheryl

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