#guys can you believe I spent hours on this trash?

[jaylaxies]

NOW OR NEVER

PAIRING: spider-man!sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, unprotected sex, choking, fingering, slight bondage, usage of nicknames, breeding.

SYNOPSIS: going around the city with your massive poster which said, ‘Choke me, Spider-Man!’ was something you did for fun, not knowing that your dream might actually come true.

WC: 1.4k words

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni

A/N: hihi, loves! this one was requested by my anonnie and i’ve also posted this as a mark fic before! i hope you guys will like it :3 all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

“Shh, baby. Don’t want your parents to hear now, do we?”

You truly couldn’t believe that it was happening—that Spider-Man was in your room with his slender fingers wrapped ever so perfect around your throat.

You’ve always wanted this from the day you first saw him, on the day he saved a lift full of people from falling down and crashing to the ground. You were one of those who unfortunately got stuck inside the lift too, which was the traumatic onset of your tiny crush on him.

No one knew who was behind that mask, yet his suit clad figure was a sight to see, his build lean and slightly muscular, not to mention he smelled brilliant (a little something you gathered when he saved you).

To add to it, his ever so attractive voice always grasped everyone’s attention, you thought he was funny too, which is exactly why you ended up making a poster full of glitter saying:

Choke me, Spider-Man!

It was a silly joke, albeit you’d definitely be lying if you say you didn’t get wet dreams about the superhero, because you did. Detailed ones at that.

Maybe carrying the poster with you at all times was a stretch but you did it anyway, granted that your city was full of crimes and spotting Spider-Man was an easy task, which is why you proudly held up the poster in the crowd whenever you saw him, after he fought with the villain that is.

The people around you laughed, but it wasn’t mocking, it was more of an amused laugh, and you could have sworn you noticed spidey look your way, before swinging away, much to your dismay.

This went on a few times. You were practically waving the poster frantically when it was the fourth time, yet he didn’t pay you attention of any sort, leaving you dejected as you dragged yourself back home from Uni, chuckling at your state.

Crush on a superhero?

Pathetic.

He’s loved by countless people all over the world, what makes you think he’d have time to give you even a sliver of his attention when he’s so busy saving the world?

Clicking your tongue, you threw the crumbled poster in the trash can of your bedroom, dimming the lights as you sat down on your bed, ready to change into your nightwear before opting to sleep to take your mind off things.

Just then, a loud sound of knocking on your window caught your attention, which was funny considering you lived up on a pretty high floor in your apartment building. You thought that it must be a bird, still, you decided to open the curtains to check it out.

Shock would be an understatement to explain what you were feeling the second your eyes laid on the person right outside your window.

The reason for your sour mood, or rather, the reason you spent hours trying to ease the pent up frustration in you each night, moaning out with need, was hanging by your window.

“Oh god,” you breathed out, brain short circuiting for a few seconds before you shook your head, opening the windows for him to come in.

Who knew Spider-Man would actually care enough to notice you?

Then you realized just how awkward the situation was, and you didn’t have much to say anymore now that he was standing right in front of you, looking around as if he was inspecting your room.

“Spider man,” you breathed out, and he chuckled.

His attention was on you now, walking closer to you, “so, you’re the one who wanted to be choked by me,” he said smoothly, and you couldn’t help but shamelessly gawk at his figure, mouth watering at the sight.

“Uhm—I mean, holy fuck you’re actually here,” you tried to voice out your thoughts, but they were a mess, which only caused him to chuckle at your shocked state.

“Didn’t you want me here, baby?” He asked and you felt your knees buckling at the deep tone of his voice.

You took another step back, only to lose balance and trip. But good for you, your spidey was quick to shoot his web on your silky night blouse, pulling you close and right into his arms.

He smelled so good.

“Careful. We don’t want you hurting your pretty face,” he whispered, tracing his glove clad finger along your jaw, gripping your chin when he noticed how your body had gone still, “deep breaths, babe.”

“Are you gonna fuck me?” You asked, voice coming out in a low whine, eyes twinkling with hope.

He chuckled, pulling his mask up which had you bubbling with anticipation, you really wanted to see what he looked like. However, he stopped a little too soon for your liking, only exposing his lips, leaning in to mumble against your own.

“I’m gonna fuck the life out of you,” he whispers, a gasp leaving your lips as you pulled him closer into a rushed kiss.

He was quick to take over, kissing you harder as he pushed you down on your bed, you could feel his fang like canines biting down on your bottom lip, “undress, quick,” he ordered, and you fumbled while getting everything off your body.

Your cheeks were warm, your eyes on his figure, which was now devoid of his costume, faint abs and strong muscles on display for you, but your mouth practically salivated at the sight of his cock, thick and hard.

Just when you sat up to touch him, he grabbed your wrist, pushing them up your head and shooting webs to tie them, making sure they didn’t move.

You never knew you’d be into web-play but here you are, getting wet by being constrained by webs.

“Please,” you begged in hopes that he’d touch you, or do something, anything.

“So needy, aren’t you?” He clicks his tongue, his fingers caressing your cunt, collecting your wetness, “so wet already,” he smirked, “wanna be fucked all night, huh?” He asked, continuing working his fingers between your legs, arousal leaking from your cunt.

His other hand was wrapped up around your neck, fingers tightening enough for you to gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you felt lightheaded with the whole situation, but you couldn’t have asked for anything better.

He was so good with his fingers, thumb pads circling your clit while two digits plunged in and out of you, eliciting moans out of you.

“Shh,” he whispered, his hold around your neck tightening which caused you to open your mouth, giving him the perfect opportunity to lean in and spit in your mouth, watching the glob travel down your tongue till you gulped it down, earning a praise out of him, “good girl.”

He pulled back right when your body started shaking with the orgasm building up in your lower abdomen, his hold on your neck loose to let you breathe some more before he took it to the next level.

He ran his lips down your neck, sucking harshly as he lined his cock to your eager folds, your expression blissful and your entrance so wet, it made it easy for him to bottom out, “so fucking pretty,” he groaned out.

His voice strained as he started fucking you into your mattress, his power was evident with how precise and hard his thrusts were. It was a lifetime opportunity for you, and you wished to savour every second of it as you wrapped your legs around his slender waist, pulling him even closer and deeper in your pussy.

He hit your spot over and over again, “cream my cock like a good girl, baby,” he rasped out, his own orgasm approaching.

You couldn’t hold back anymore, with his fingers still gripping your neck, the lack of air was evident but it somehow made you feel as if you were floating with unadulterated bliss around you as you finally reached your state of euphoria, coming undone on his cock, exactly when he filled you up with his cum, mixing it with yours as he emptied himself in you.

You whined when he pulled back, getting dressed after draining you, “you’re leaving?” You asked, frowning.

“Gotta save the world now, pretty,” he whispered, removing his webs from your wrists before pecking your lips and rushing out of the window, leaving you dazed.

Maybe making the poster wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

@jaeminvore @macaroonff @ajayke-reads @lunalovesstories @jayzdaze @deobitifull @celeste-hoon @mari-oclock @kpoprhia @ikeuizm @woniebae @lalalalawon @blessedcursd @skzenhalove @heesuncore @seuomo @kyurizeu @haechan-nahceah @tobiosbbyghorl @jezzebear @jaehoonii @itsgivingitalian @bunhoons @luvswonyoung @ma-riiii @addictedtohobi @heeliopheelia @haanigurl

permanent taglist open! comment or send an ask to be added!

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[sadlynotthevoid]

Okey, but, I feel like og!Cale is the type of person that, if someone tried to make fun of him for a crush, he would be like "ah, yeah, that's true" and openly admit it.

So, og AlbeCale AU where whenever someone tries to mock Cale about liking Alberu or asks him about it, he downright says the truth. Regardless of who is hearing him.

As in, maybe once someone asks if Rok Soo and Cale are dating because they seem close (in part because they're kind of close, and in part because Cale keeps knowing what he is thinking, but they don't know that's just a Cale thing). And Rok Soo is like:

Rok Soo: Nah. This guy's type are baker princes.

Cale: You got it wrong. I don't like any princes who bake, I like Alberu only.

And Alberu, who was drinking tea on the background, suddenly chokes on his cup. Which they notice, of course.

"Oh. Hey, Al. Are you okay?"

—Totally unfazed for having Alberu heard the whole conversation.

He's so shameless about it and it's completely unintentional.

He has no idea of how people treat their crushes normally nor is interested on doing the same. He knows that some people tend to get shy, but a decade purposefully acting as trash killed most of his shame— Well, at least when it is about others' opinions of him—. If he wants to do something, being laughed at is not what's going to stop him.

And what he wants is to say how adorable he thinks Alberu is, so that's what he does.

Rejection? He isn't proposing anything. He doesn't plan on dating or wooing Alberu either. It's not that he wouldn't like it, it's just that it hasn't occurred to him that that's even an option. For him, who had spent years hearing everyone say the worst of him, the idea of someone wanting him by their side is so far away that it has yet to form.

So he keeps making casual comments about how cute Alberu is when he's confused, or "his hair looks so soft, I bet it feels that way too", or "he looks so handsome when he's tricking people. I like it more when he doesn't have to, tho", while everyone else feels embarrased for it. Except Rosalyn, she thinks it's hilarious.

Of course, he's pretty much respectful about it, never crossing the line to sexual harassment. And he would stop if Alberu told him too, but he doesn't. He kinda didn't realize that was an option at the beginning and, at this point, he got used and actually enjoys it a bit (a lot).

Cale: oh, sweets! They're my fifth favorite thing in this cruel world.

Rosalyn, fully knowing what she's doing: what are the other four?

Cale, carefully choicing which cake eat first: Well— *rising a finger per item* my family, animals, Alberu and wine. In that order.

Alberu: *frowns* I'm only third?

Cale, picking a chocolate tart: Mm? I loved animals since before meeting you and, at this point, is a part of myself. The other day I saw a dog and spent two hours squatting at her side without realize. It was not a conscious decision, it was... a soul impulse, let's say.

Alberu, looking at his thighs because damn, that's a lot of time to stay in that position: Oh. Wait, you've also loved wine since before meeting me.

Cale: Yes, but drinking wine is a choice. I can live happily without it. You would be... more difficult to leave.

Alberu: *processing* (that means— can't be happy without me aksjdjsj) "blushes hard*

Rosalyn, looking at Alberu's silly fuming face: (don't laugh don't laugh) Pff—

Cale: cherry pie? *Holds a mini pie in front of Alberu*

The turn tables when Alberu realizes that Cale doesn't have resistaince against genuine compliments. He never takes fake glibbery words seriously, but if someone says the slightliest good thing about him and they mean it, he'll become a mess. He just— doesn't know how to react when someone believes anything good about him.

So, Alberu starts complimenting him seriously— as reprisal, of course ("that's just flirting, nephew. You two are flirting, stop calling it vengeance"). Small but real things, details most people doesn't notice, deeper things that he deserves to hear (because, honestly, someone should tell him how sweet he is. How considerate he is. How much he should be appreciated because he's precious. And it seems Alberu is that someone). It works everytime.

Alberu calls his smile cute once and Cale stops talking. Face red and eyes avoiding everything, he can't pronounce a single word.

He calls him kind after Cale subtly helped a strange for no reason (he's obviously doing it in a way others wouldn't notice unless they knew what to look for. Alberu wonders if this is other "Cale thing"). Cale trips and almost gets discovered. When Alberu looks at his face, he's pouting.

Curiously, he doesn't have the same reaction when he gets called smart. He just smiles a bit and sometimes puffs his chest. Huh. Still adorable, tho.

[5ummit]

HTP Fic Recs: Hidden Gems

Have you, like me, devoured everything in the Hydra Trash Party AO3 tag and are desperate for more? Well you may be in luck.

In honor of CATWS's 10th anniversary I’ve decided, yet again, to make a new rec list so that these gems don't get buried in my overwhelmingly extensive original rec list. This list features HTP and HTP-adjacent fics that are NOT tagged as HTP (either because the author didn't know the label existed or didn't believe it applied to their fic), making them particularly hard to find, and I think, deserving of more attention.

Many of these fics don’t have much, if any, explicit noncon, but noncon is often implied or referenced and they’re all rife with other types of dehumanization and abuse so the usual HTP warnings still apply. Read tags carefully etc.

The Making of the Winter Soldier [series] by CluckU & Mumble_Bee Relationship: Hydra Agents/WS, Zola/WS Words: 13,700

There are a small, precious collection of things he knows for certain each time he wakes in his chair: He is a weapon. A soldier. An asset. He is being molded into the Fist of Hydra. He must prove himself. Failure is not an option.

Muscle Memory by sparklingbinjuice Relationship: Rumlow & Bucky Words: 4500

It had taken five minutes of fumbling but he had eventually picked the lock. The soldier wouldn’t be back for hours. Coordinates provided by the remaining, somewhat rudimentary, tracking device installed in the titanium arm indicated that he wandered the streets on weekends – watching people, visiting libraries and museums, feeding the birds. It was all so horribly human.

Reconquer, regain, recover by werebird Relationship: Hydra Agents/WS (past) Words: 2300

Hydra had known his body better than he himself ever could. They had taken it, reshaped it, reprogrammed it. They had birthed the Winter Soldier although they had never given him life.

Taming Winter by Runlights Relationship: Rumlow & WS, Steve & Bucky Words: 91,000 Notes: terrifying bloodthirsty WS

Regardless of the intravenous set pumping warming fluids into those veins, regardless of the fact that a moment ago, the guy looked on the verge of death, the Winter Soldier was out of the chair and in front of him with two steps that happened so quickly he didn’t even have time to do more than inhale. He froze as he felt the press of his own combat knife against his throat, the bite of the blade causing blood to well and slip down his throat. This was the point where he suspected people felt fear, especially staring into those unfocused cold eyes. He only felt a twisted fascination.

The Soldier’s Kittens by exclamation Relationship: Sam & Bucky, Steve & Bucky Words: 11,300 Notes: animal abuse/death

"Sam's a really good guy," Steve said. "I think you'd like him if you spent more time with him." Bucky said nothing. He would not show any interest in Sam, just as he had not shown any interest when Steve had taken him to the animal shelter to try and get him to interact with the dogs there. He knew this trap and he wouldn't fall into it twice.

Flinching by Exorin Relationship: Steve/Bucky Words: 570

It might finally break what's left of him if Steve knew the way he's had to dig his nails into his palms hard enough to draw blood just to shape his breath into the sound of a moan.

I'm comin' up only to hold you under by anonymous Relationship: Hydra Agents/Bucky, Steve/Bucky (past) Words: 2100

They drag him out of his cell by his hair and toss him into a room full of identical guards. He lands hard on his knees, the force of the impact stuttering up his weak, tired body, and he glares up and them with all the hatred he can gather. He feels off-balance, like he does whenever he tries to carry himself now—the stump of his missing arm has a phantom weight he can't get used to, won't get used to.

Context is Everything by thedevilchicken Relationship: Hannibal/Bucky Words: 2600

"I don't understand," Bucky replied. "Recontextualize?" "Your memories of HYDRA seem…distant," Hannibal said. "The way you speak about them is as if they happened to someone else. In order to process your trauma, you must understand that they happened to you."

Never Letting the Blood Dry by BarrenPines Relationship: Rumlow & WS, Steve & Bucky Words: 2500 Notes: whipping

After the mission, there were pats on the back, expressions of congratulations and thanks, and a dozen other little niceties that made his skin crawl. He’d gotten lucky, that’s all. And he’d also defied orders, departed from his assigned task. Praise wasn’t what he deserved.

[thesolaireslawyer]

Ain't Sayin'

TW - Alcohol, references of Past violence, AN - I Originally was gonna do the cutest Sam picks up Asher at the Bar. But this seemed more fun! WC - 1314 Unempowered College AU This was requested by @professionallyyappin

Sam wasn’t the type of guy to put his nose where it didn’t belong. But he couldn’t stand people abandoning their partners. Or whoever they were going out with. Anything can happen, and it may as well be the last time you see them. So when his friend Asher's date stepped away to use the bathroom. 

He didn’t think much of it, but it was already past the 45-minute mark. Yeah if he needed to take a shit sure. But Sam didn’t trust it. Even if he wasn’t sitting with 2 of them anymore, he could see the look in Asher’s eyes as the time ticked away. But he couldn’t just go over there, he promised he wouldn’t get involved. 

But he couldn’t help but stare at the ticking clock. Every minute he was wasting in that bathroom was a minute he couldn’t spend with the guy he came with. The same guy who spent hours trying to convince him it’d be a great idea to go out. The same guy who went through Milo’s hounding to pick out a nice outfit. 

And now he was sitting at the bar alone. Swirling his drink, waiting for his sad excuse of a man to come back. He looked back at his whiskey; the shot glass was still full. If not a little more now thanks to the melted ice. 

He watched as the clock struck 12:50. He has been in the bathroom for 50 minutes. 50 fucking minutes. You know what? 

Fuck This. 

Downing his watered-down whiskey, he wasn’t going to get involved but he sure hell ain’t letting his friend get treated like this. Stay in the bathroom, Asher wanted to have a fun night. Whether that's with or without him, can be decided later. His drink burned as it went down. 

A little liquid courage does wonders for all parties involved after all. 

—

Asher looked at the cup, all he wanted to do was hang out. Was that so fucking hard to ask for? He hadn’t even touched his beer, he didn’t even like beer. Mack brought it for himself realized it wasn’t what he wanted and decided to give it to Ash. like he was a damn garbage disposal. 

And then he disappeared to quote on quote wash his hands. For fifty minutes? He didn’t believe it. Whatever he was doing, he was taking forever. He should have just listened to Sam- when he said it wasn’t gonna be a good idea. But when has he ever listened to the medical major? No matter how helpful his advice would be. Asher looked at the cup, it was discolored now. The lime that was on the side, was now floating in the drink, and the lime seeds were in the bottom of the glass. 

As if the drink didn’t look unappetizing enough. Now it was a discolored mess- did he mention it smelt terrible? This night was just going bad. And Mack leaving him wasn’t making it better. He was excited about this. He had been waiting all week for this. Even got Sam to promise not to cause problems again. 

On the other side of the bar and a certain brown-eyed cowboy. Was glaring hard at that bathroom door. It had been an hour. Sixty fucking minutes and god knows how many seconds. Since he stepped into that mother-loving bathroom. Downing his second shot of whiskey, shivering at the burn. 

Fine. don’t come back, Sam will give Ash the fun time he wanted to have. The fun time he deserved.  

He made his way over, hoping the door opened so he could flip him off. 

‘’ this seat taken? ‘’ Sam pointed to Mack's former sit 

‘’ Technically Yes. ‘’ 

‘’ Not at all? Wonderful! ‘’ Sam took the seat- with the biggest grin on his face. 

‘’Mack gonna want his seat back ‘’ Asher looked at his roommate, he was doing this on purpose. 

‘’ He can find another seat. In fact.. ‘’ Sam pointed at a trash can. ‘’ That's a better seat for him No? ‘’  Sam finished with a smile that could rival that of the Grinch

‘’ Sam. ‘’ 

‘’ You know when Milo said your outfit was gonna be good. I didn’t think It’d be this good. ‘’ 

‘’ Sam.  ‘’ Ash could feel his eye twitch. 

‘’ You want an actual drink? That look shit looks nasty- ‘’ 

‘’ SAM. ‘’ Asher raised his voice louder than he wanted. But the music was loud enough to protect the others around them. 

‘’ you promised you wouldn’t do this. ‘’ Asher looked down at his drink. 

‘’ I promised I wouldn’t punch em in the face again. ‘’ Sam shot a sign at the bartender signaling for another drink.  ‘’ I don’t know why you invited me you know how I feel about em ‘’ 

As the drink slid across the counter, Asher intercepted it downing it in a gulp. He needed that, and Sam owed him that. 

‘’ I  wanted you two to get along ‘’ Asher said as he placed the shot glass down. 

‘’ Never gonna happen ‘’ Sam said glancing towards the bathroom door. ‘’ you know how I feel about stuff like this. ‘’ he turned his eyes back to Asher. 

Asher sighed he should have expected this. Hell, he didn’t blame him he wanted to tell him off for giving him this beer. 

‘’ you enjoyed the drink? ‘’

‘’ yeah. What do you want Samuel? ‘’ Asher turned to look him in the eye. 

‘’ you wanted to have fun.. Right? ‘’ Sam smiled. ‘’ And I wanna have some fun and when you put two and two together. You get best friends ‘’ he chuckled as he jabbed at Ash. 

‘’ Fun? Mister, I collect different color flannels as a hobby. ‘’ as much as Ash wanted to hide the small smile on his face. He was bad at doing so- 

‘’ My flannel collection doesn’t concern that of you Milo or that other little shit. ‘’ Sam sneered signalling for another drink. 

‘’ Might wanna slow down on the alcohol gramps ‘’ Asher teased as the glass slid across the countertop again. 

‘’ you realized you were born in the nineties too right? ‘’ Sam snapped back downing the burning liquor. Asher couldn’t help but chuckle, guess the gramps couldn’t handle the heat. 

‘’ I see you laughin' over there. ‘’ 

‘’ if you didn’t I’d think you’re losing your sight faster than you thought. ‘’ 

‘’ you shit. ‘’ Sam couldn’t help but break into a smile, theirs that beautiful smile again. 

‘’I think im going to wait for Mack to get back so we can Uber out together. ‘’ 

And with that sentence, his smile was gone. Sam didn’t like that. 

‘’ or we could do what we came here to do. ‘’ He wanted to get one dance in with him. Something that ass wouldn’t grant him. 

‘’ which is? ‘’ 

‘’ Dance, party, and have fun you only live once. ‘’ Sam tried to reason. ‘’ Listen if you wanna go then go. But I ain’t sayin let him ruin the entire night. He finished. 

‘’ let me guess the NiGhT iS StIlL YoUnG ‘’ Asher said mocking Sam. 

‘’ I knew you’d see it my way! ‘’ Sam couldn’t help but chuckle.  ‘’ I Ain’t Sayin leave him here.. Though it’s not a bad idea.. I just want you to have some fun tonight. ‘’  Sam looked at Ash. he was thinking, he watched him turn to look at the bathroom door before turning back to Sam. 

‘’Let's see if you’re as good on the floor as you are with words cowboy ‘’ Asher said smirking. 

‘’ that a challenge ‘’ 

‘’ depends.. You up for it? ‘’ Asher sled off the barstool waiting for Sam to join him. 

‘’ Bet. ‘’ 

Samuel Collins has been in love with his best friend for the past 2 years. And one day he will tell him. For now, seeing him smile and laugh with him was good enough for him. However, Samuel doesn’t realize Asher feels the same. 

Or Asher was planning on ending things with Mack that night. For now, dancing and laughing made up for this shitty night.

~~~~

Taglist @porters-fangs @sunsickcrab @achios @dawnofiight

[mumms-the-word]

seeing everyone getting their opinions out there about Gale being 35 (or 35-38 according to one dev/artist) and lots of people being “absolutely not no 35yo has knees that bad or gray hair or talks like that or—“

my brother/sister/sibling in Christ as someone who is not quite 30, my knees are trash (creaking, popping, cracking, weak, aching, some days they’re absolutely useless and stairs/steps will make them twinge for hours) and I also have crow’s feet and chronic pain, not unlike gale himself

my mother had gray hair at 21 from nursing school. my cousin has had streaks of gray in her hair since 9th grade. my buddy has a streak of gray in his bangs and he’s 27.

gale talks like every humanities/academic person in a PhD program who has spent the last ten years trying to get a degree and pretend like it doesn’t wither him inside to hear “what are you supposed to do with that” after someone asks him what he’s getting a degree in

gale acts like the guy who is only just now emerging from grad school or at least extended time in higher academics and has to adjust to the world outside of his rigid academic program where not everyone wants to hear random theories or understands his research (and who is realizing he can finally define himself based on something that isn’t his academic area of expertise)

if he talks or acts like he’s older than 35 it’s probably because he’s an academic, most 20s/30s academics are just Like That (source: me, i’m a grad student/academic with grad school/academic friends as young as 22. I joke that my 27yo academic friend channels Tolkien every time he opens his mouth to explain his theories/thoughts, like he doesn’t talk like a 27yo “normally”)

(what the hell is normal anyway)

All this to say, it’s not unreasonable for Gale to be 35. People age differently. People act older or younger than their age. You’re welcome to ignore the canon age and headcanon your Gale as old or as young as you want him to be. But him being 35 is totally reasonable.

Anyways this is for all the friends who just need a bit of affirmation that it’s okay to believe Gale is 35 💛

[weewookinard]

Pardon my french!

BuckTommy Positivity Week 2024 - day one

I know i'm late to the party but @searching-for-the-moon gave me a great idea so here we are. You can learn more about this challenge through @bucktommypositivityweek's blog!

Prompt: what they love most about each other

You can read it on AO3 or down below. Every fic will be posted on AO3 as chapters of the same fic!

-----

“Okay, I’m impressed now. Is there anything you can’t do?”

Tommy looks at Evan who is wearing the prettiest smile he’s ever seen, a happy grin of his own gently warming up his face as they leave the gallery where they spent two hours learning pottery. In the bag Evan is carrying lays a strange attempt of a mug, base not quite flat and edges all wrong and messy. The mug is yellow, painted with care and patience. Which weren’t enough to ensure a great result. Against the mug, two bowls are wrapped in newspaper sheets. They are bright blue with white flowers, both perfect shapes, both delicately painted. Both the work of a Tommy who cannot stop smiling while his boyfriend continues to compliment him. It is endearing, the way Evan talks and talks and talk, always eager to let Tommy knows how much he’s impressed by anything new he learns about him.

“I swear Evan, it was the first time I did pottery.”

“Not the first time you painted though, so it’s almost like you cheated.” The blond can’t stop his smile from widening again, and his free hand quickly finds itself in Tommy’s one. They walk together like that for a while, heading to Evan’s loft just four blocks away from the gallery where the class was happening.

“It is so infuriating, you are always good at everything you try, how is that possible?” He continues, not paying attention to the world around him, and Tommy has to pull him fast by the hand before Evan bumps into a trash can. The movement coax Evan in Tommy’s direction, and soon enough the two men are against each other, chests touching and the older man’s arms around Evan’s waist, a gesture his body cannot stop doing when his boyfriend is close enough. It does nothing but push another bright smile on Evan’s face and Tommy must kiss him about it.

He knows his boyfriend clumsiness and unawareness of what surrounds him should bug him, but he can’t stop thinking it makes the other man even more adorable, if it is humanly possible. Evan is living in a world of his own, and for six months now he’s been okay with letting Tommy be a part of it.

Tommy loves him for that. He loves him for pretty much everything Evan does or says.

“I’m not good at everything!” He interjects, a laugh on his voice when they start walking again and Evan gives him a deadpan look, almost bumping into another human being.

“Shut up, I’m sure you can do crazy things. Like, I don’t know, French braid! Or macarons, which is so fucking hard to do right, by the way. Hell, I am sure you know how to speak French while we’re at it!"

Evan had started hyperfixating on everything French related since the opening of the Paris Olympics. “They had a dancing croissant; can you believe it? And the torchbearer? I’ve never seen somebody this hot, except you of course. If I hadn’t discovered my bisexuality with you, this person would have done the trick just fine.”

He then proceeded to explain to Tommy what the French torchbearer had been about, some reference to video games as well as opera. “Did you know Assassin’s Creed was French? And so are the Minions! And The Daft Punk! Even the helicopter was invented by the French!”

So, Evan talking about macarons and French braid isn’t that weird.

The thing is, Tommy’s answer is a surprise so unexpected that Evan’s jaw drop when his boyfriend respond. “Oh no, you don’t want me near long haired heads, and I’m not really good at macarons, I’m more of a waffle guy anyway. French though-”

Evan stops him before he can say anything else.

“Thomas Kinard, do not tell me you know how to speak French.”

Tommy’s amused face must be a good enough answer because Evan’s stops right here, in the middle of the sidewalk, starstruck. “Do you speak French?”

« Un petit peu, je ne me suis pas entrainé depuis longtemps. »

Evan does not know what it means, he doesn’t even know if Tommy said it right or if he just invented words to play with him. But it doesn't matter anyway, he’s too flabbergasted to care.

“What. The. Fuck.” He manages to say after way to long of a pause, proof that his brain just stopped working. It makes Tommy giggle, and the pilot brings his boyfriend hand to his lips and places a kiss on each one of his fingers.

“Tout va bien ?” He then asks, knowing full well what the words cause in Evan’s head.

Chaos, pure unexpected, hot as fuck chaos.

“What. Why. How. What. Fuck, how?” The younger man is clearly losing it and Tommy knows there is only one way to soothe his lover’s brain. So he takes a step forward, Evan’s free hand still in his, his other hand cupping Evan’s face, and proceed to kiss his boyfriend slowly, almost lazy, a hint of defiance in every one of his movements. Usually Evan melts on the touch, but this time he finds the strength to back-up, well, not before he moans in Tommy’s lips and kiss him back anyway.

“I’ll still need answers Kinard.”

“Let’s go home first, and then maybe I’ll give you some.” Tommy replies, a knowing smile on his face, pupils darkening with the promise of giving.

-----

“So, how?”

They both lay in Evan’s bed, sweaty and sore and happy. The bag with their dishes inside has been abandoned on the diner table, and their clothes have been thrown in every part of the loft without any care.

Tommy thinks about his answer for a moment, before he turns his head toward Evan, looking at him with a mix of tenderness and guilt. “I… I dated a guy. It was a long time ago, but the words stayed.” It is all he his able to say before he looks away, worried that Evan might get jealous, or sad, or something. Instead, Evan puts his hand on Tommy’s chest, playing with the hairy skin, and looks at him with fondness.

“You know, you don’t have to be ashamed of your past Tommy. I have exes too.” He says, trying to comfort the older man, a bright smile even in his voice. His tone is reassuring, and Tommy finally looks back at him with a sheepish glance.

“I know, it’s just… It has always been a thing with my other exes, you know? French is romantic, French is the language of love and, well, a lot of the men I dated weren’t happy that I had learned it for someone else you know?”

Evan nods, still admiring his boyfriend, caressing his perfect body.

“Is it why you hadn’t told me about it yet?” Tommy hums and Evan drops a kiss on his cheek, a touch so intimate the pilot still can’t quite believe he deserves it. “Well, I’m not jealous, and I’m not angry. I love that you give one hundred percent when you love someone, and that you are capable of learning a whole language just for them.” He smiles again, shifting his body so he’s almost completely on top of Tommy. “And it would be really stupid of me to be mad because you can speak French to me. It’s so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I love it! I love you Tommy, and every moment that made you you. The good and the bad.” Tommy smiles disappear when Evan come and kiss him, a deep, heated kiss. In his lips Tommy swears he can taste love. “But what I love most is that I’m getting used to all those little things I learn about you. I want to be used to everything about you for ever.”

“Sounds good to me.”

-----

translation: 

- A little bit, i've not trained for a long time.

- Is everything okay?

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Retaliation: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Summary: Everyone can see just how much you're suffering, Spencer more than most. When he confesses to the team about your nightmares, Derek takes matters into his own hands.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

News of another murder comes in at the house that belonged to Dan Otey so your entire team heads over there immediately. The only people left behind by the crime are Dan's wife and son who are upstairs. Dan is dead on the ground downstairs, and Schrader and his partner are long gone.

You turn to the front door and see Dale and his partner come in. You can't get much out of the partner but you know it's a man with brown hair. Dan and his wife are trying to protect his crying son but they ordered her and the son upstairs. The partner goes up there to make sure they are taken care of while Dale shoots Dan downstairs. God, will you ever be able to escape this feeling? Will you ever not take other people's pain and think it's your own?

"His wife and son were home," JJ whispers. "The partner took them upstairs while Schrader destroyed the place. Emily is with the wife right now."

You walk upstairs and stay outside the bedroom door where Dan's wife is. You don't make yourself known but you're close enough to hear their conversation.

"Dan had turned everything around. He was clean. Life was finally good, but I was always afraid to believe it, you know? Because then he could be taken away."

"I'm so sorry for your loss. Did you get a good look at the man Dale was with?"

"Uh, white, mid-forties, short hair? I don't know," she sighs.

"Have you ever seen him before?"

"Dale, yes. The other guy, no."

"We're trying to figure out how Schrader knows his partner."

"I have no idea."

"How did they talk to each other?"

"They didn't. Dale trashed the place and the other guy took us upstairs. He kept pushing me and Jason. I didn't know what was gonna happen," she sniffles.

"Did he hurt you?"

"He just scared us. He locked us in the back room and told us to shut up. Jason wouldn't stop crying."

You stare at the wall in front of you and let the tears fall down your cheeks. God, you hate crying. You wish you never had this gift. It's two AM by the time you get back to the station. Derek is in one of the empty office rooms talking on the phone so you gather with the rest of the team to talk about the case.

"Schrader gets off on power. Power, money, and revenge are what motivate him. He spent eleven years in prison and comes out as a murderer who needs a partner, somebody as bold as him. Where did they meet?"

"Schrader was away and patient. The minute he got out, he hooked up with his partner before killing Stacy on his way to kidnap his daughter. What's missing from his day?"

"The money," you say quietly. "He took his daughter but left the money. It doesn't make sense. Did he have another plan on how to support himself in Canada?"

"He's only known a life of crime. He's incapable of change. Time away proved that," Spencer says.

"Otey's wide said the partner locked them away like he didn't want them to get hurt. He was protective."

"They're both dominant personalities, but they sound like they played good cop/bad cop. It's been four hours since the accident. Do you still think I'm in shock?"

"Let's find out. Y/N, would you do the honors of giving a cognitive interview?"

"Sure," you mutter and get up.

You bring Emily to an empty office to give yourself some peace and privacy.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Fine. Let's just focus on you."

"Y/N..."

"Emily, drop it. I am not talking about this with you. Okay?" She nods and you grab her hands so you can focus on her energy and her experience. You'd rather be alone right now but you're the only one who can see clearly what happened. "Start from the beginning. Just talk about it and I'll pull what I need."

She begins the story of what happened and you use her energy and words to paint yourself a pretty picture. You close your eyes and picture yourself in the backseat of the car, next to Schrader.

Emily was in the passenger seat and Bunting was driving the car. The road was dark and lonely but that didn't stop Schrader from yapping his mouth the whole time. One small four-door black car passes by and he's looking out the window as if he is looking or waiting for someone.

Another car passes by them but this time, it's a big truck. It looks like a worker's truck with yellow lights attached to the top, only they were off. As soon as the truck passes by, Schrader takes off his seatbelt. He bends over as if he is sick and lifts himself out of the seat to pull his arms under himself so he can get his cuffed hands to the front and not the back.

Emily thinks he's actually sick but she can't see what you can see. When Schrader gets his hands in the front, he puts his seatbelt back on. Suddenly, the worker's truck from before comes crashing into the side of the car where Bunting is.

The car flips multiple times down the ditch where Derek found the car. Emily is pretty out of it but Schrader leans over and wraps his cuffed hands around Bunting's neck and starts to strangle him. Once Bunting is dead, he climbs over the seat and fishes for the keys in Emily's pockets, but she is too dazed and hurt to do anything about it.

Someone comes from the truck and Emily believes it's someone coming to help. However, he opens Schrader's door and helps him out, saving him. His partner. No matter how hard you try, you can't put a face to the partner. All you know is that he's a white man wearing jeans and boots.

They struggle for a bit and you know it's because Schrader wants to kill Emily. She knows there is a partner. She's seen both of their faces, but the partner won't allow it. He drags Schrader away before anything else can happen. That's when she gets out and crawls to the street where Derek intercepts her.

You let go of Emily's hands and take a step back from her to collect yourself. She looks tired from having to relive that but she'll be fine. You leave the room and address the team, telling them everything you saw.

"The partner took Otey's family upstairs and protected them from Schrader, just like he did with Emily," you finish.

"Do we really think a good guy hooked up with a criminal like Dale Schrader?"

"Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?"

You look back and see Derek in the empty office where he was making his phone call. You leave the group and join him inside, and he closes the door behind you.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No. I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I know you're not okay even though you say you are."

"Derek, can we do this some other time? Or never, I prefer."

"Y/N." It's the way he says your name so softly that makes you shut up and willing to hear him out. "I've noticed you're spaced out a lot, distracted, and anxious. I know what happened at the house of our last case. I see it here. You're terrified. You're living in fear." 

You can't say anything because you know it's true.

"What's your point, Derek?"

"Look, prison changes people whether you're in there for years or two and a half months." Again, you can't say anything about that. "You don't have to talk to me about this but you will talk to someone."

"What do you mean?"

Derek hands you a paper with people's names and phone numbers on it.

"Those are therapists the FBI are willing to send you to to help you out. You can choose who you go to."

"I'm fine--"

"No, you're not. You'll have weekly sessions until the therapist deems you okay."

"Derek!" He only shrugs in response. "You're really forcing me to go to therapy?"

"No, I'm not forcing you to do anything, but you'll go if you want to keep your job."

He leaves the office and you look at the paper in your hands. You scoff angrily and watch him talk to the team as if he didn't just order you to go back to a different kind of prison. This time, it's an emotional one.

By the time six AM rolls around, you're not any closer to figuring out who the partner is or where Schrader might be. You're on your fifth cup of coffee while everyone else is having their second. You might be killing yourself with the caffeine but you need it if you're going to stay awake.

"So, how did Schrader get this guy to sign on?" Derek asks.

"Good people do bad things. I'm just saying, it happens."

"Maybe, but this partner wouldn't let me die. He protected Otey's family. On the same day, he helped a convicted felon escape custody. His loyalties are all over the place," Emily sighs.

"The guy sounds desperate. Maybe he needs some money. I mean, Schrader's got a lot of it still out there. He could have promised him a cut."

"I don't know," Emily disagrees. "He's an accomplice to three murders and a kidnapping. Is there enough money out there for you to sign on to something like that? I think it's something bigger than the money. Maybe Schrader's threatening him. Whatever it is, it'd have to be big."

What's the point of discussing with the team anymore? What's the point of anything? You're too tired to think so you're too tired to actively engage with anyone on the team. You'll do what you can to help but you'll need to be told what to do instead of taking initiative which you used to have.

"We caught Schrader because he kidnapped his daughter. He was emotional and his guard was down. Clearly, family means more to him than we thought. Schrader's ex-wife forced him to give up custody of Jenny. Maybe he wants this guy to know what it feels like to lose his family, too."

"It sounds like revenge to me."

"Maybe it is."

"Do we have anything on Schrader's case? Any potential victims?" JJ asks when she walks into the station after getting some sleep.

"The usual--judges and lawyers."

"They're all accounted for this morning," Derek says.

"If it's revenge, then it's gotta be someone who put him away. If it's not the officers who put him away or the judge who sentenced him, then who is it?"

Hotch gets Penelope on the phone.

"Garcia, I need the names of every law enforcement agent Involved in the Schrader case."

"You know everybody."

"Yeah, but I want every single employee the year that he was arrested."

"Give me a minute."

"A whole minute? Come on, baby girl, are you losing your touch?" Derek grins.

"Oh, watch your pretty mouth. Personnel records come at you now."

Maybe Schrader is using someone on the police force as his partner, someone he is threatening.

"Who is still active?"

"Most."

"Would he risk using an active officer?"

"Depends on how much he hates them. Has anyone retired?"

"Two of them. Mat Massey and Jeff Messick. Both are married with kids, white, and in their fifties," Spencer reads from the file Pen sent over.

Why are you even here? There is nothing stopping you from getting up, walking out of this building, and never returning. Wait, there is one. Spencer. He's been so kind and good to you. You could never leave him no matter what you're going through.

"Can I see those pictures?" Emily asks. She shakes her head when she doesn't recognize either of them. "They aren't the partner. Why wouldn't he go after one of the officers who arrested him? It makes the most sense for revenge."

"Wait a minute, guys, listen to this," Derek says. "There was a witness who never testified on Schrader's behalf. He might have seen that as a betrayal. When he gets out of prison, he can use him to get what he wants. Garcia, I want you to run a history on a witness from the Schrader case, Joey Short."

"Alright, Joey was born in 1966 in New York City. He didn't hold a lot of jobs except for in construction. He was in and out of rehab."

"Where is he now?"

"His last known address was ten years ago."

"Did he do time?"

"No."

"Come on, Garcia. People don't just disappear. This guy's got a history with a lot of holes in it. He went to rehab. You know, maybe this guy had to walk the walk."

"He was undercover," Hotch says.

"That makes sense. Those guys are up for anything, and they take big risks professionally and personally. It explains his behavior, too. Good guy doing bad things."

"Garcia, what's his real name?"

"It's not here," she says after a few seconds.

"If Schrader can find it, so can we. The guy needed to be Schrader's friend so they're probably around the same age. Look for academy graduates in the early nineties. Did any of them not go into police work?"

"Baby, I don't follow you," Penelope frowns.

"If he went undercover, then anything tied to the academy would have to be severed. I mean, the guy graduated but had to immediately start working his history as Joey Short. He went into construction, made his contacts in the bank robbery world, and then he met Schrader. He earned Schrader's trust, turned him in, and got out of the game."

Penelope works quickly through the list of men that fit the description Derek gave.

"Okay, here are a couple of guys that look like they dropped out."

"Are there pictures?" Emily asks.

"Sending them to you now."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[valeriele3]

I just love crossovers between games I like so..

You just got sucked into a portal that leads to another world but would you look at that? You dragged your dearest friend with you!

Genshin Sagau x Reader ft. Leona Kingscholar

Warnings: Bad grammar, ooc, cringe

Under a familiar big tree lies two idiots

"Look at what you just did you stupid Herbivore”

“Wha— I don’t mind you calling me a herbivore but, what do you mean ‘stupid’?!”

“FYI I am not stupid mr. Kingscholar”

“Mhm..Sure..Yawn”

“I’m serious! My grades are above average okay? Aboveeeee average!”

“Whatever..Wake me up when you find the way back..”

☆彡

“Hey..Hey Leona..Leona~”

“…”

“Leona~ Wake up..! Psst..Psst! Leona!”

“…”

“Leona..! I know you can hear me and are awake..!”

“Get up right now. Or I’ll keep bothering you nonstop..!”

After a while Leona begrudgingly rose up from his slumber after having had enough of your constant annoyance(That’s a lie. He loves your voice) and the not so quiet whispers in the room

“Did you finally find the way back..?” He yawns like the lazy cat man he is

“Uh..No? Just..Take a look around the room right now..”

“Hm?”

“…”

“Good night..”

“WAIT! DON’T GO BACK TO SLEEP! LEONA!!” You cry out(More like screech)

“A-Ahem..Your Grace..I don’t mean to be rude but if I may ask..Who is that lovely man beside you?”

“My husband— I mean friend..Best friend..My bestest friend bestie Leona”

“Hah? What do you mean “best friend”? I think I prefer the first one Herbivore” Leona smirks YOU BETTER WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE SIR OR I WILL STRANGLE YOU

“H-Husband?!!”

The crowd starts to whisper amongst themselves

One sweet archon is happy for you while a certain group and 3 archons are planning the death of our beloved lion..Honestly, everyone’s planning his death at the moment

“HEKWNAJ NO! No no no..! Leona isn’t my husband! We’re just schoolmates!” Said by a frantic you that’s trying to calm everyone in the throne room

“Wow..How cruel of you Herbivore..After everything we’ve been through together”

“After all the nights spent together, the dates, and the sneaking out..Whatever happened to “us vs the entire world”?” Leona feint hurt

“GASP so that guy really is Their Grace’s husband?!” - uninvited guests

“NO! Do you all not believe me? Your dearest creator? Do you all think I’m a liar?”

“Of course not Your Grace!”

“Please forgive us!”

“We didn’t mean to offend you almighty creator!”

‘Ehheheheheheheh yesss crawl beneath me my underlings HAHAHAHAHAH then..I shall conquer this world..! And the other worlds to come!’

‘That Herbivore is thinking about something sinister again..Whatever it is doesn’t concern me though so whatever..’

Leona goes back to sleep <3

☆彡

That very same day lots of mortals and immortals tried to kill Leona but he just turned most of them to sand (He didn’t turn any of the playable characters into sand because of you telling him not to)

The people who managed to survive their encounter with Leona a.k.a playable characters (except the children) received a stern scolding that lasted for hours from you. Oh and they’re banned from your palace for a while as punishment

Sorry this is so bad..I had a plan and all but I got lazy and everything so take this trash..I’m so tired for whatever reason despite not doing anything the whole day

[threadandlace]

Blue Jean Baby- seamstress for the band series part five (13.0k)

Masterlist- to start from the beginning

You watched Sam disappear down the stairs of the bus and stood in silence for a moment, letting the last few minutes replay through your head. “Are you ready to go back there?” you heard Albert call back. You shouted back your approval before grabbing your phone and immediately calling Jen.

“This better be good, it’s after midnight,” Jen mumbled as a greeting. “Jen, you’re never going to believe what just happened…”

You quickly recounted the events from the last few days, ending with the awkward kiss with a very inebriated Sam. Jen was quiet for a moment, soaking everything in. “Well, I don’t want just a historical recollection of everything, I want to know how you feel! Your thoughts!” Jen exclaimed. “Oh, I definitely don’t like him. I don’t think,” you replied, chewing on your lip as you thought. There was something somewhat magnetic about Sam, but you couldn’t imagine yourself being with him. “Yeah, no. I don’t think he’s a good choice for me. And now I don’t know how to go about explaining that to him,” you conceded. “Well, given his reaction, I think he knows he fucked up. And you said he was drunk, right? So odds are, he may not even remember it,” Jen replied quietly. “Jen, I feel like that is definitely not something you just forget. Even if you’re drunk. And he wasn’t like, trashed,” you clarified. “Well, there’s not much you can do about it tonight, you’ll just have to gauge him in the morning. What are you working on?” Jen asked, changing the subject.

You went into detail about the project currently laid out in front of you- another one of Jake’s jackets. You were carefully sketching out a floral design on the back in chalk, which would serve as a guide for various fabrics you’d layer to finish out the design. It was going to be your main project for the night, although you’d want to get some rest too. Albert had mentioned that the drive would be about 12 hours at what he called “tour bus turtle speed.” Jen gave you a few suggestions for your design before ending the conversation. “If you don’t let me go to sleep, I will personally drive to Pennsylvania  and commit crimes against you,” Jen said, her voice raspy with exhaustion. “Fine. Sleep well,” you said, waiting for a snappy remark. There was none, so you hung up the phone and laughed to yourself. Sure, Jen could be a true character, but she brought joy into your life, and that was all that mattered.

The next four hours were spent alternating between being hunched over your sewing machine and sprawled out over the scraps of fabric on the table. You finished the jacket quicker than you’d thought, deciding sleep would be your reward. Brushing your teeth and washing your face on a moving bus proved to be slightly difficult, but not impossible. You couldn’t help but notice how quiet the bus was without the group, a constant stillness present. You changed into your pajamas before heading up to check on Albert. You’d grown quite fond of him, and you were incredibly thankful for his ability to get you from point A to B quickly and safely. You found him focused on the drive and in good spirits, listening to a comedy podcast play on his phone. “Do you want any snacks or water?” you asked him. “I’m all good, hon. You go get some rest!” he replied, giving you a wide smile, his face crinkling. 

You crawled into your bunk and rolled to plug your phone in. A message popped up on your phone as you were setting your alarm. You opened it.

Danny: Are you and Albert doing okay? 

You couldn’t help but smile at the text. Danny truly was a sweet guy, and you knew the text was genuine. 

Yes, we are good! How are you guys faring? I figured you’d all be asleep by now! 

Danny: I’m the last one up, got sucked into my book. Wanted to check in before I went to sleep and figured you’d be up.

Hmmm, a book? I haven’t seen him read at all during this trip. Must be boring on their bus. I wonder if Sam told him what happened… 

I’m headed to bed too. See you in the morning!

Danny: Good night! 

You finished setting your alarm, choosing 10:00 am as a decent wake up time. Six hours didn’t seem like enough sleep, but you had run on a lot less and should be close to the destination at that time. The quiet hum and swishing of the road noise had you asleep in mere minutes, the day’s events making you more exhausted than you had thought. ___________________________________________

Your alarm woke you, and you rolled to grab for your phone. You checked your home screen and saw you had no messages, a good sign that nothing was amiss. Rolling out of the bunk and onto the floor, you realized that the bus was still moving. A quick check of your phone told you that you were still in Ohio, a ways to go from the venue in Pennsylvania. You grabbed a change of clothes and your toiletries before heading to the bathroom to do a quick morning routine and change. As you brushed your teeth, the events of last night came flooding back into your memory and you cringed. Hopefully he won’t even remember what happened. He was pretty drunk. You finished in the bathroom and returned your stuff to your suitcase before walking up the hall to check in on Albert.

“Good morning!” Albert greeted you, a smile on his face as he took a sip from his reusable coffee mug which was plastered with pictures of what you could only guess was his family. You gave him a smile and pulled down the small seat that was attached to the front divider of the bus. “How’s it going?” you inquired, looking out at the road as you waited for his answer. “We hit some traffic due to construction during the night, and then we were just in traffic,” he replied, giving you a sigh. “That’s frustrating,” you said, watching as he continued to sip on his coffee, his eyes never leaving the road. He nodded. “We are running behind, that’s for sure. I think we will be stopped for a late breakfast, early lunch. Dean, the other driver, said that the boys are mostly awake and ready to stop.” You nodded again and smiled at the fact that he called them “the boys.” You pointed to his cup. “Who are all these lovely people?” you asked turning it in the cup holder to examine it. He gave you a smile and began to tell you about each person, giving you funny stories along the way.

You and Albert talked for about 45 minutes. You listened to him as he told you about his family, occasionally interjecting bits and pieces about your own. Eventually he pulled into the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel, following behind the other bus. You stood and stretched as Albert parked. Jake was the first one off of the bus, making a beeline towards the restaurant. Josh and Danny were next, immediately heading towards your bus. You walked down to greet them, both of them giving you a grin. “Good morning,” you said as Josh reached out to pull you into his side, linking arms with you as the three of you walked into the restaurant. 

Jake was standing by the hostess booth and turned to face the group as you approached. “The wait is going to be about ten minutes,” he said quietly, giving you a big grin in greeting. “Did you get any sleep?” he asked softly. “Oh yeah, a few hours,” you replied as you all followed Josh as he wandered around the store, inspecting the various gifts and gadgets that they had for sale. “What about you guys? Good drive so far?” you inquired, wondering where Sam was. “Not too bad. Sam was up all night, sick as a dog. He drank way too much last night and the motion got to him I think,” Danny replied, swiping his curly bangs out of his eyes. “I slept great,” Josh cut in, turning to show you a tiny sewing kit he’d found on a shelf. “Yeah, Josh here sleeps like a log,” Danny cut in, rubbing his face. “I, however, do not. So I was up most of the night with Sam. Making sure he was hydrated and everything.” Jake elbowed his side and laughed. “Danny’s the modern Florence Nightingale if she was a drummer in a band. The mom of the band for sure. Do you guys remember that one time in Germany when we were all drunk and high off of our asses and somehow Danny still got us back to the hotel? Part nurse, part tracking dog I swear,” Jake said with a laugh as Josh turned to show you another trinket, this time a little bird carrying a thread in its mouth. “Look, it’s you,” Josh said, a twinkle in his eye. Danny pulled a mouse holding a comically large piece of cheese from off the shelf, presenting it to Josh. “And this is you, Josh,” Danny chuckled. Josh gave him a jab with his elbow and placed the bird back on the shelf. 

A voice over the loudspeaker called Jake's name and the group headed to claim your table. You passed Albert and Dean sitting together on your way to your table and you gave Albert’s shoulder a light squeeze. You took the seat at the far end of the table and Josh pushed Danny out of the way to take the seat next to you. “Nuh uh, I don’t want to sit next to Jake, he stinks,” Josh said, pushing Danny towards the other side of the table. Danny shook his head, but went to sit across from you, next to Jake. Your waitress handed out the menus and took your drink orders, all four of you ordering coffee. 

Josh leaned over towards you. “What are you going to get?” he whispered. You turned to look at him and chuckled. “I don’t know… Why? Is it a secret?” you whispered back from behind your menu. He glanced over at Jake and Danny, who were both absorbed in reading over the options. “We may or may not have placed bets over what you’d get. But I think they may have forgotten,” Josh replied, turning the page of his menu. You couldn’t help but laugh and shake your head as you continued to read the many options. They placed bets on what I’d order… which means they talked about me when I wasn’t there… hmmm… 

Your waitress came back and placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of each of you before taking your orders. Jake ordered some sort of hash brown casserole, Danny chose some sort of sandwich and Josh chose pancakes. They all turned to look at you expectantly when it was your turn. “I’ll do the pancake breakfast with scrambled eggs, no meat please,” you said before handing the waitress your menu. Josh grinned widely and held his hands out to Danny and Jake, who were digging in their pockets for their wallets. “What can I say? I am a girl who loves pancakes,” you confessed as Jake and Danny each handed Josh a $20 bill from their wallets, grumbling the whole time. “A girl after my own heart,” Josh said, stuffing the bills in his pockets as he nudged you. 

The food came quickly and everyone busied themselves with eating. After a moment, Jake spoke up. “Did anyone text Sam and ask him what he wants?” Josh and Danny shook their heads, but Danny picked up his phone to send him a text. You all spent the rest of the meal chatting and listening to stories from everyone’s various travels- theirs to various countries to perform, yours to various locations for fashion shows and shoots. “Favorite place you’ve been, go!” Josh asked, gesturing to you first. “India, by far. I’ve only been once, but it was amazing,” you answered honestly before turning to look at Jake, signaling his turn. “Probably Germany,” he answered. Danny agreed with his answer. “I think India has been my favorite too. The culture alone is just… amazing,” Josh answered, a sense of amazement in his voice. 

Your waitress came back by to check on your group, and Danny checked his phone. “Sam hasn’t responded, any ideas what he’ll want?” he asked the group. Josh thought for a moment before turning to the waitress who was waiting with her pen held above her notepad. “Can we get a baked potato? No meat, but the rest of the toppings on the side if you could, to go” Josh requested. She wrote it down and nodded before making her way towards the kitchen. “Good call,” Danny acknowledged as he finished his coffee. 

Jake got up first to go pay the bill while the rest of you waited for Sam’s food. “Hopefully he’s not dead,” Josh joked, before looking at Danny. “He seemed real out of sorts last night, didn’t he? Any idea what has been bothering him?” Josh asked. Danny shook his head before answering. “I have no idea. I think being stuck in that elevator threw him for a loop.” You nodded in agreement, knowing only you must know the real reason for his behavior. “Whatever it is, I hope he gets his shit together. I’m tired of him acting like an ass,” Josh replied, shaking his head. 

Sam’s food came out soon after and Danny grabbed the bag to carry it out. Josh turned to you as you all walked out towards the buses. “Can I ride with you? I need some quiet and I have a feeling they,” he pointed to Danny and Jake, who were goofing off in the parking lot, “are not going to be quiet.” 

“Of course! I may be running the sewing machine but I can promise no jam sessions,” you answered, giving him a grin. “Absolutely perfect. Let me go grab my bag and make sure Samuel is alive and at least somewhat well,” Josh said before jogging to the other bus, pausing only to jokingly kick out at both Jake and Danny, who both tried to grab him before he ducked and ran past them, onto the bus. What goofballs, you thought to yourself as you laughed, their shenanigans bringing a smile to your face. 

Once back on the bus, you checked your phone.

Jen: Any updates? Lover boy say anything?

You grimaced at the term, but shot her a reply. 

Nope, he was apparently sick for most of the night. Didn’t come to brunch. They think it’s because he’s hungover but I’m not so sure…

You pulled out one of Josh’s jumpsuits for a future show, laying it carefully on the table in front of you.

Jen: Well, he’ll have to face you sooner than later. Maybe he really is sick, forgot the whole thing.

You wished. You picked a stray fuzz off of the jumpsuit before replying.

We will see. Hoping for the best. 

Josh climbed on board, giving Albert a squeeze before walking back into your work area and plopping down onto the bench across from you. “Y’all ready back there?” you heard Albert call back. You and Josh both yelled your approval before turning back to each other.

 “I’m guessing that’s mine,” Josh said, shooting you a grin. “Well, you are the only one who wears a full jumpsuit, so yes, this would be yours,” you answered. He walked over to the table and ran his hand across the soft fabric, taking care not to snag any of the rhinestones that you’d applied. The burnt orange fabric was the perfect shade for him and you knew he’d love the deep cut of the neckline. “I can’t wait to wear this one,” Josh said softly as he inspected the various elements. You pulled out your pattern to show him. “I need to finish applying the rhinestones and then it should be ready for a test run. Hopefully at the end of the day at the latest,” you explained as you gestured to the areas that still needed some work. He nodded and went back to his spot on the bench, pulling out his journal and an assortment of colored markers. 

You both worked in comfortable silence until Josh fell asleep, his journal face down on his chest. You were able to complete all of the outfits for the next state and had laid down on the bench opposite Josh to rest when you felt the bus come to a stop. You turned to look at Josh, waiting for him to rouse, but he didn’t. He looked so peaceful laying there, his curly hair framing his face which was completely relaxed, his pink lips slightly open as he breathed deeply in and out. Walking quietly, you went to gently place your hand on his arm to wake him. He unconsciously reached out and put his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb against the top of your hand slowly. 

“Hey Josh,” you whispered, lowering yourself to get closer to him so he could hear you. He still didn’t stir, clearly deep in a dream as he mumbled softly to himself and maintained his grasp on your hand. The doors of the bus rattled open and Jake suddenly appeared, glancing back and forth between you and Josh. “Help?” you whispered, gesturing to his hold on your hand. Jake chuckled and walked towards his twin, smacking his leg a couple of times. “Josh, let go,” Jake commanded, reaching out to lightly pop his hand. Josh jolted awake and turned to glare at Jake, clearly irritated with the rude awakening. He looked down and realized he was still holding onto your hand and he instantly let go, turning to face you. “Sorry, I uh…” Josh stammered as he pushed himself up and started to pick up his pens and markers. “He sometimes just reaches out and grabs hold of whoever is next to him. He used to do it all the time when we were little. Luckily he didn’t pull you on top of him. He’s been known to do that too,” Jake said with a laugh, Josh shooting daggers at him. 

Danny and Sam appeared in your work area, Sam sporting a dark pair of sunglasses. “Looks like you’re alive!” you teased, hoping to gauge Sam’s reaction. He responded with a shrug. “Well, we have the rest of the day off, what shall we do?” Danny asked before taking a seat next to Josh, helping him finish putting his art materials into the small canvas bag he had. Jake had pulled his phone out and was scrolling. “Phillies game?” Jake suggested and Josh clapped his hands. “I want a hot dog!” he exclaimed, suddenly very awake and back to his animated self. Danny turned to face you. “Will you come with us?” he asked. Josh chimed in. “Yes! Come! It will be so fun! You said you were done with the next set of outfits, so you should have time! Right?” You nodded slowly, weighing the options. You wanted to go- you loved baseball and hanging out with the group was so much fun, but you did have some things you should get done and were unsure of where you stood with Sam. You glanced over at him but he was caught up in his phone. 

“Why not? I do love some baseball,” you agreed. “I’ll double check and see if any of the crew wants to go too,” Jake added, pulling out his phone to send a group message. “Let’s take everything up to the rooms,” Danny added, gesturing towards the hotel. You grabbed your suitcase and backpack before making your way off of the bus, you and Jake inviting Albert on your way out the door. “No, I have a date with my bed. Y’all have a great time though!” Albert said, giving you a wink. 

Emily met you in the lobby of the hotel, handing everyone their keys. “Y’all have fun tonight. Please stay out of the media, and be ready to head to the venue at 11 am for soundcheck.” The group nodded and you all headed up to the floor you all shared, once again. “Alright, the game starts at 4:30, it’s 3:00 now, so leave at 3:30? Is that enough time for everyone?” Jake asked before the group broke up. You all agreed and went your separate ways to get ready for the evening game.

The hotel room was nice, albeit small. You threw your suitcase onto the desk and opened it, knowing you needed to pick an outfit and probably shower. You settled on a pair of ripped, dark-wash jeans, a plain white v neck and your trusty jean jacket. A quick shower refreshed your mind and body. You quickly applied a light layer of makeup and added some product to your hair so that it’d dry in a more controlled pattern of natural waves. 

You knocked on the twin’s door, hoping they hadn’t left yet, but there was no response. You checked your phone- it was only 3:26. You moved on to Sam and Danny’s door and knocked quietly. The door opened almost instantly, Danny greeting you with a grin. “Come on in, Sam is finishing up. The twins are probably running late, like always,” he said as he backed up, letting you walk in. 

You walked past Sam who was bent over the counter, picking at something on his face in the mirror. “You okay?” you asked and instantly froze. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” He shot back defensively. You held up your hands. “Just checking in on you. I know you weren’t feeling good earlier,” you said, hoping you were hinting that you cared about him, even if you didn’t in the way he wanted. “He’s fine, just a baby,” Danny joked as went to sit on the foot of one of the beds, bending to slip on and tie his shoes. You sat on the other bed, watching him as his long fingers worked to quickly throw the laces over each other and tie them quickly into a bow. He finished and sat back, grinning at you. “So, you like baseball?” he asked. You nodded. “I used to play softball in high school. I was a pitcher,” you responded, giving him a grin. “Damn, you’ve been holding out on us! A woman of many talents,” Danny replied. 

You both jumped at the sounds coming from the door. It sounded like someone was trying to knock the door off of its hinges. “Jake and Josh,” Danny said, answering your question of who the hell would be knocking that loud. Sam opened the door and the twins filtered in. “Are we ready?” Josh asked. He was dressed in a casual jumpsuit he’d actually commissioned from you before you’d been brought onboard to work on their stage outfits. It was the first project you’d worked on for him, when you knew that you both had an artistic connection. You smiled as you walked over and gently reached out to run your hand along one of the pockets you’d embroidered the sides of. He turned to watch you, grinning. “I guess you recognize this, huh?” Josh said, giving you a somewhat shy grin. That’s new. I’ve never seen this man shy before. Ever. You smiled and nodded, the memories of the first time you ever heard his voice rushing into the forefront of your mind.

A year earlier…

“Hi, uh, my name is Josh Kiszka. I am calling in regards to some, uh, design work I’ve seen? That you’ve done? I was given your name by Jim Jackson of the Ivys. I loved the jumpsuit you made for him and wanted to see if you were taking on new clients. I’m in a band called Greta Van Fleet and we are looking for someone new who would be willing to take us on. I saw your portfolio and I’m just… blown away by your work. Truly just, ethereal. And the mixed media work is just something else. Truly groundbreaking. Anyways, give me a call back at…”

You still had the voicemail saved in your phone. You had googled Josh and the band the moment you got the message, falling in love with the premise of their band, the message behind the music and, of course, the fashion. Something about the frontman’s presence really sold you on wanting to work with this band. You had immediately called Josh back and gotten to work on your first trial project for him.

Present day

“Alright so I’ll text you guys your tickets. The uber should be here in about 3 minutes, so we should head down to the lobby. There’s a couple other roadies that are gonna meet us there- it should be Jack, Damion and then Olivia and Ava. They’re just now getting into town so they’ll need to stop here first,” Jake explained, giving you an overview of the game plan. You knew Jack was one of their other tour managers, Damion was his assistant, Olivia did social media and Ava did both social media and marketing and helped Emily as a part-time assistant. You’d met them in passing and were excited to get to spend time with them. The camaraderie among the tour group was something you really were starting to enjoy, even if you were typically alone while you worked. 

The uber pulled up outside of the lobby and you all got in, the group letting you sit in the front seat. The drive to the park went quickly as you all listened to your driver recount the crazy things he’d seen throughout the day in the city. 

You’d pulled up your ticket on your phone as you all walked in, each person scanning their ticket before walking through the security process. You all met up on the other side, taking a moment to try to get your bearings. “I think our seats are over that way,” Danny said, gesturing to the left. “I thought they were that way,” Jake countered, pointing in the opposite direction. “I would’ve figured you guys would have a box or something, being rockstars and all,” you jested. Sam shrugged and finally spoke to you for the first time that day. “We could probably pull some strings.” Jake shook his head. “I just want a normal experience for once. We will be fine. Let’s get some beers first and then we can find our seats.” “Ah, yes, because alcohol makes everything easier to find,” Josh said with a chuckle. You couldn’t help but laugh, knowing there was some truth. “Oh, you know all about not being able to find things, don’t you, dear brother,” Sam taunted. The group got silent and you knew Sam had once again hit a nerve. Does he mean… sexually or literally? Either way, what a shitty comment Sam. Josh waved him off and linked his arm in yours on one side, Jake’s on the other before pulling you both along with him towards the bar.

After everyone had their respective drinks, Josh was able to find a worker and ask for directions, much to Jake’s chagrin. The group followed the slightly confusing directions and you were able to find your seats after a few minutes and many flights of stairs. You filed into your seats and sat. You turned to realize Danny was sitting on your left, and Sam was on your right. 

This won’t be awkward at all. 

You all sipped on your drinks as Josh flipped through a program, leaning over to show the group various things he found of interest. “I don’t even know what their mascot is supposed to be. Is it a dragon? Or like, a muppet-type thing?” Josh asked as he showed you a picture. “I think it’s supposed to be a bird,” Danny answered, his eyes trained on the field below. “He freaks me out,” Sam added, giving you a grimace. You nodded in agreement. “Look, he’s got a weird little tongue too,” Josh said, pointing to another picture, his face pinched in disgust. 

You stood for the national anthem and listened as a local singer belted out the words, rather poorly. “Should’ve asked me to do it,” Josh joked after you all had sat back down, “at least I would’ve been on key.” Jake snorted. “Have you ever sung the national anthem for anything like this?” you asked Josh. “No, I actually haven’t,” he replied as he took another sip of his drink. “They don’t typically want someone wailing for the national anthem,” Sam joked and Josh rolled his eyes. “I’d like to hear you do it. I think it’d sound pretty good,” you countered. Sam shifted beside you. “Don’t praise him too much, his ego is big enough already,” Danny warned and you laughed in response. 

“Well, it looks like the other group won’t be able to make it. They ended up getting in a fender bender just outside of the city and have to deal with that,” Jake announced. You all grumbled, sad they wouldn’t be able to join you. “Everyone is okay, right? Nobody got hurt?” Danny asked, clearly worried about the group. Jake confirmed that everyone was fine, albeit annoyed. 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a refill,” Sam said, rising from his seat. Danny nodded, his eyes never leaving the game. Jake and Josh agreed and you stood too. “I’ll come help,” you said, figuring you needed to clear the air and that it was now or never. Sam’s face went still and you could tell he was panicking ever so slightly. “Uh, yeah, okay,” he replied as you both turned to descend the steps to the main part of the arena. 

“Look…” Sam started as soon as you were away from the noise of the crowd. You waited for him to continue. “I messed up last night. I completely misread the situation and I’m really sorry. Can we just pretend it never happened?” Sam asked, his voice drenched in anxiety. You nodded, placing your hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry Sam.” He shrugged. “It’s fine, really. It’s nothing,” he replied as he turned to continue walking in search of refills.

I don’t think it’s nothing, but at least it’s been addressed.

You followed him up to the counter of one of the park’s bars and listened as he ordered another round. He paid for the drinks, making sure to leave a decent tip. You grabbed your drink and Danny’s and Sam grabbed the other three. You made your way back to your seats in silence, following Sam as he weaved through the crowds. You both sighed with relief when you’d made it back, both of you unconsciously tense. Whether it be from the crowds, or the awkward silence between you, being back with the group eased the tension. 

You handed Danny his drink and he gave you a bright smile. The way the skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled and his freckles bounced was truly gorgeous. 

Chill out, he’s just a man. 

You sat back down, Josh leaning over to fill you in on what had happened while you were gone, Danny translating when you couldn’t discern what Josh was talking about. You all laughed as you listened to Josh’s versions of events, including a recount of his spotting of the mascot. “Shit’s terrifying,” Josh said, gesturing to the green bird-like creature that was down on the field. 

You all made it to the bottom of the fourth inning before the drinks were gone and everyone was hungry. Josh offered to make this trip down to the concessions and you agreed to go with him so you could use the bathroom. “I can come help,” Danny offered but Josh waved him off. “Someone has to stay, watch and be able to update us,” Josh replied, gesturing at Jake, who was on his phone, and Sam, who was too busy watching the crowd to watch the game. “Text what you guys want in the group chat. And text me if that bird makes a move,” Josh instructed before taking the lead down the stairs. 

Once you had made it into the stadium, you pointed to the bathroom. “I’ll catch up with you!” you promised before darting into the bathroom. 

Josh was waiting for you outside of the bathroom when you emerged. He waited for me. “I only got asked for a picture once,” he chuckled as you walked towards the closest concession stand. “Really?” you asked and he nodded. “Super sweet group of girls! They’re in town for the concert tomorrow!” he said with a smile. He clearly loved the group’s fans, even if they could be intense. 

Josh pulled out his phone and read off the order to the concession stand worker when you arrived at the window. Everyone got hot dogs, except you and Sam- you’d opted for a pretzel and Sam for nachos. Josh paid for the order and you both carried the food back to the seats, Josh letting you walk first as he followed. 

You’d settled back into your seats and Danny was updating you on the game as Josh scanned the field for the mascot. “Is he actually scared of that thing?” you whispered to Danny. He gave you a look and nodded. “Ah, there’s the fucker,” Josh mumbled, pointing. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Josh, it’s not like he’s going to come up here and get you,” you reminded. He turned and gave you a serious and terrified look. “Don’t even say that,” he hissed, “you’ll manifest that shit.” The rest of you were in tears as you all laughed at his seriousness. “He’s always been like this,” Jake interjected and you stopped to look at Josh. “Josh, it’s a common fear! Something about not being able to see someone’s face is kinda scary,” you replied, reaching out to place a hand over his. He rolled his eyes and continued eating his hot dog.

Sam bought another round of beers from a vendor walking the stands at the top of the seventh. “I forget how long these games are,” Sam protested, handing you a beer. You cracked it open and took a sip before nudging him. “At least the home team is winning. I’m sure there’d be more people watching if they weren’t though.” He nodded and laughed before pointing to show you someone’s funny hat that he’d spotted earlier. Maybe we are okay. 

“Oh shit,” Danny grumbled, nudging you with his knee. You looked up towards where he was pointing and saw yourself on the big screen. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the caption on the screen- Kiss Cam! The camera was trained on you and Danny, the crowd egging you both on. You both shook your heads, but the crowd was relentless. You turned to look at him and he gave you a smile and shrugged. You nodded and you both gave in to the overwhelming peer pressure as Danny leaned forward to kiss you. 

He kissed you gently, his lips softer than you could’ve imagined. The kiss was only for a second, more of a peck than an actual kiss. He pulled away and turned to wave to the camera, you copied him as you forced yourself to laugh it off. 

The truth was that you hadn’t taken a breath the entire time and had to remind yourself when you began to feel lightheaded. “You okay,” Danny whispered. You nodded and took a sip of your beer, playing it off as you watched another couple fall victim to the camera. Sam had grown incredibly still beside you, clutching his can of beer. “Shit,” Jake mumbled and you all turned to look at him. He held his phone towards the group and Danny reached forward to take it. He tilted the screen towards you and you saw a tweet featuring you and Danny’s faces on the jumbotron with a caption that read “GVF is at the Phillies game?! WHAT?!” You had a sinking feeling in your stomach. “Shit,” Danny muttered before turning to Jake and Josh, “we gotta get out of here.” 

You grabbed your trash and headed down the stairs quickly. Jake pulled a security guard aside and tried to explain the situation to him, but it was too late. People around you had pulled out their phones and a group had gathered at the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, shit,” Josh said, eyes wide. The security guard called over the walkie and received some instructions, ushering you towards a different exit. You followed him quickly, the group moving behind you. The guard swiped his key card and escorted the group into a room, telling you to hang tight and that someone would be with us in a moment. 

You realized where you were when you turned around. The guard had brought you to a private box. You walked over to the glass wall overlooking the field. “May as well watch the game,” you said as you sat in one of the cushy chairs facing the field. Josh and Danny nodded in agreement and took chairs on either side of you. Jake continued to pace near the front of the room, talking on the phone to someone. Sam was walking around the room, looking in cabinets and examining the framed pictures and memorabilia. 

A few minutes passed and you all turned to face the door when it opened. A woman and man walked into the room, moving to shake Jake’s hand and then Sam’s. You, Josh and Danny walked over to join the conversation. The woman shook your hands when you approached and introduced herself as Samantha, the PR person for the team. The man with her was a social media representative and introduced himself as Jack. You all exchanged pleasantries and you introduced yourself since you knew they likely wouldn’t know who you were.

 “We were wondering if we could do a PR-type thing for our social media? We will talk over the details with your management if you have their information,” Samantha inquired. Jake nodded and Sam butted in, “we were actually on our way out. We have a show tomorrow and…” Samantha cut him off, “oh, yes, we totally understand. But we think this could be a really good opportunity.” Jake pulled a business card out of his wallet and handed it to her. “Give our tour manager a call and let us know what she says,” Jake said before sending a few texts. Samantha nodded and left the room, Jack following closely behind her. 

“Fuck, I wish we could just go,” Sam complained, sinking into one of the plush seats. “I texted Emily and told her to decline on our behalf. Hopefully she can turn this woman down,” Jake countered, sitting down in the chair next to Sam. “They probably just want a couple of pictures. I’m sure it’ll be quick,” Danny offered, patting Sam’s shoulder. 

Samantha and Jack came back into the room carrying a few jerseys. “So we talked to your manager and she agreed that a picture would be good PR for both parties. So, we brought you guys some custom jerseys and if we could just get one picture, we will get you guys out of here,” Samantha said. The group had switched into their PR mode and willingly accepted, putting the jerseys on over their clothes. The door opened and a photographer walked in, holding the door for none other than the mascot that you’d seen walking the field. 

You turned to look at Josh, whose face had gone pale, eyes wide with panic. The other boys had started to laugh, but you realized Josh was barely holding it together. You quickly walked over to him and placed yourself between him and the obscenely large green fuzzy “muppet-looking thing”. You placed both hands on Josh’s shoulders and gently reminded him to breathe before playing off the move like you were straightening his jersey. He gave you a panicked look and Jake came over to stand next to Josh, finally realizing how freaked out he was. The photographer motioned for the group to move in front of the glass, and you grabbed everyone’s stuff to hold. Jake put a protective arm around Josh, making sure to keep himself between Josh and the mascot. The group lined up for a photo, Josh pulling out his acting skills to instantly relax his posture and pose for the photo. As soon as the flash went off and the photographer gave the okay, Josh darted over to you. He stood slightly behind you and you turned to play off the interaction as you giving him his jacket back. The mascot waved before being ushered out of the room, Josh sighing with relief once it was gone.

Samantha had arranged for an escort out of the box to an uber. You all prepared to step out of  the box, multiple security guards standing around you, although you still believed it was all overabundant caution. As soon as the doors opened, you realized you probably needed more security guards than you had. There was a huge group of people surrounding the box, all holding phones and yelling. They lined the walls as far as you could see, no break to be seen as you started to panic. 

You felt a hand intertwine with yours and you looked down to see Josh’s hand holding onto yours for a moment before he squeezed and let go, giving you a reassuring smile. Danny came up on the other side of you, putting his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side protectively. The group began walking forward, leaving the safety of the private room, the noise level rising as soon as you stepped into the hall. 

Josh walked closely on your other side, Danny pressed against you on your other, Jake and Sam taking up the rear. The guys waved and smiled as they walked, occasionally moving closer together when the surrounding force of security was pushed inwards by over-excited people. You heard shrieking and turned to see a girl absolutely bawling as she pushed against the human security barricade, reaching out for Jake as he passed. He gave her a smile but continued on. 

The walk seemed to take forever, but you finally made it to a set of doors that led to the stadium’s back hallways. Once you made it through the doors, you felt yourself relax and Danny released his hold on you. “You okay?” Josh asked and you nodded. You really weren’t, but you knew you needed to put on a brave face. He reached out to squeeze your hand again, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand as you walked, returning some of the comfort you’d given him earlier. 

You made it to the back exit and Danny put his arm over your shoulder again as you emerged from the building. There were flashes of light from what you guessed were more fans before you all climbed into a waiting uber. You felt yourself breathe again when the car moved forward, security helping clear the way. 

The drive back to the hotel was quiet, everyone likely a little shaken up over the experience. “So much for a quiet night,” Jake muttered and you all laughed. 

Luckily the hotel was devoid of fans and you were able to get in without issues. “I’m starving. Do you guys want to order something?” Sam asked on the ride up to the seventh floor. Everyone agreed. “We have the biggest room, do you guys want to head there?” Josh suggested. Everyone once again agreed and you headed to their room once the elevator doors slid open. 

Once inside the twin’s room, you were able to fully relax, releasing tension you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. “I don’t know how you guys ever get used to that. It’s freaking scary,” you reflected as you took a seat at the table in the corner of the room. Jake chuckled, “it’s still a little nerve-wracking. But then I remember that they are all just excited and wouldn’t do anything to hurt us.” Josh nodded in agreement. “I don’t know, I think that kiss cam may have painted a target on our backs,” Danny joked, giving you a nudge as he took a seat next to you. “Yeah, I’m scared to see what twitter thought about that,” Jake added. “I’m sure people won’t even talk about it. Like, what a stupid thing to focus on,” you said. “I don’t know. There’s some groups that will absolutely spiral over anything. I have a feeling they’ll think you,” Jake pointed at you and Danny, “are an item. And we all know how that tends to go.”

The room was silent for a beat before you continued the conversation. “And what does that mean?” you asked, giving Jake a look. “He’s just being cryptic. It’s fine,” Danny answered, shooting Jake a look. “I hate to say it, but Jake’s right,” Sam added. “Look, can we just order some food? I’m hungry now and ready to get to relaxing,” Josh interrupted. He pulled up UberEats and you all decided on Indian. The order was placed and Jake flipped on the TV to find something for you all to watch while you waited. Josh immediately took over the remote, choosing an obscure movie none of you had heard of to watch.

About an hour later there was a knock at the door and Sam went to answer it. He brought the food in and set the bag on the table. You reached forward to help lay everything out, your hand gently grazing Sam’s for a split second before he jerked it away quickly. You brushed it off and  popped open your order, the smell of your favorite dish soothing you instantly. “I love Indian food. I think malai kofta would be my death row meal. If I could only choose one,” you revealed. Josh nodded intensely before giving you a grin. “It’s my favorite too. Indian food is,” he clarified. 

You all ate in silence as you continued to watch the movie. Jake groaned quietly and shifted to show Josh, who was sitting next to him on the floor, his phone. Josh made a disgruntled face and shook his head. “What is it?” you asked. Jake shook his head. “It’s nothing,” was all he gave you as a response as Danny and Sam both reached down to check their phones simultaneously. “If something is going on, I’d like to know about it,” you countered. Jake sighed deeply before giving you an answer. “People are pissed. They think you and Danny are together and that’s why you’re being seen in all these different places with us.” 

You scoffed at him. “There’s no way. A couple of people are upset because I work for you guys? I think these people need to take a step back from social media,” you replied, taking another bite of your food. “It’s not just a couple of people,” Josh said quietly. You turned to look at him and stopped mid-chew after realizing the look he was giving you meant this was serious. “What,” you questioned. “People are… pissed,” Jake replied. “It’s just because people are jealous. They like to think they know our lives when they don’t. They see a single snippet and just run with it,” Danny said as he stood up from his spot near you, clearly exasperated. “Well, I’m not worried about it,” you waved their concerns off. “Maybe you should post something. Clear the air,” Jake suggested. “Clear the air of what?” you questioned. “That you and Danny aren’t a thing,” he clarified. “Oh, yeah. I can do that. What should I post?” you replied, trying to remain casual. 

Jake patted to the spot on the bed next to him and you went to sit by him. He helped you pick out a few pictures from the ones you’d snapped earlier. He put them in order on your instagram- first one of you with your pretzel standing in front of a railing overlooking the game, next one you’d had someone behind you take of the whole group, followed by a shot you’d taken of your beer in your hand with the field in the background. “Perfect. Caption it something about work,” Sam said as he leaned in to check your progress. “What about ‘work outing’ or something? You have pretty simple captions so that should work, right? Not too off-track from the usual?” Danny offered. You nodded and added the caption. “Do I tag you guys or what?” you asked. Jake nodded and you added the tags to the picture of the group. You posted and collapsed back on the bed. “Social media sucks,” you said quietly. Josh enthusiastically agreed as he threw his phone onto the bed, making a funny noise and flipping it off as it bounced, causing you to giggle. 

Danny and Sam walked you to your room after the twins kicked you out. It was about 1 am now, the events of the day were finally catching up to you. “Promise me one thing,” Danny said as he leaned against your door frame, catching the door before it closed behind you. You turned to face him, realizing he was standing very close to you. “Stay off social media tonight. Please,” he gently insisted. You nodded before telling him and Sam, who was standing over to the side, goodnight.

You went through your nighttime routine quickly, ready to climb under the fluffy hotel duvet and forget the day. Flipping off the bathroom light, you changed into your pajamas before slipping into bed, the cool sheets quickly warming with your body heat. After setting your alarm for 9:00 am so you could catch the end of the hotel’s breakfast, you placed your phone on the nightstand and shut off the lamp. Your phone called to you and you couldn’t push aside the overwhelming feelings of curiosity- what exactly had the boys seen that made them so concerned?

You wished you hadn’t looked. Sitting up in bed, you had tears falling down your cheeks as you clutched your phone to your chest. Danny had been right to tell you not to look online- twitter, instagram and even facebook were filled with a sea of disgusting comments and threats. There were comments about your body, your looks, the way you talked, the way you kissed, your art, even about the beer you’d drunk. Everyone had something negative to say, all of them angry at you. 

Work outing? As if she isn’t fucking all of them for the fame… gross

Is she their social media person? It’d check out… I figured it would be someone who is the epitome of a hot mess.

Danny’s really lowered his standards with this one.

All you would see when you closed your eyes were the nasty comments and awful edits people had made of you. Your face was plastered all over the fandom, not a single person willing to stick up for you. 

You cried yourself to sleep, the exhaustion from the past few days and the mental toll of so much hate eventually knocking you out.  

__________________________________________________________

As soon as the alarm went off, you groaned and slapped at your phone, begging the noise to stop. The memories of the previous night came rushing back, hitting you like a slap in the face. You rolled out of bed and headed into the bathroom, knowing you needed to hurry if you wanted to make breakfast.

You did as much damage control as you could, your face and eyes still exceptionally puffy and red from the night of crying. While brushing your teeth, you started to check the notifications on your phone before stopping and turning off notifications for everything but texts and calls. No use giving in to the hatred. They’ve done enough damage already. You slipped on a comfy two-piece set, grabbed your backpack and headed to breakfast. 

The dining room was mostly empty. You made a plate and found a seat in the corner before pulling out your sketchbook. May as well turn this negative energy into something positive. You’d started to design a final element for Jake’s Florida suit when Josh materialized in front of you, carrying a plate and his journal. He gestured to the seat across from you and you nodded. 

Josh sat down and looked at you, searching your face. Josh took a bite of his bagel and chewed for a second before speaking. “You looked. Didn’t you?” was all he said, his tone quiet and gentle. You were still looking down at your sketch, but nodded. Suddenly the tears came back, leaking down onto the drawing you’d been working on. Josh reached over and gently removed the pencil from your hand and pulled the sketchbook away from the splash zone. He took your now-empty hand in his and ran his thumb over the back of your hand, comforting you. “I’m so sorry,” was all he was able to choke out. You looked up at him. He wasn’t crying, but he was clearly hurting for you. 

Josh shook his head before continuing. “I love them so much. Most of them, at least. Most of them, they’re good people. They really take being a part of the Peaceful Army to heart, stand for what we stand for. But some of them are just…” he trailed off, lost in thought. “They’re just not good people. I almost wish we could just cut them out. All the hate, it’s just too much sometimes,” he finished quietly. You nodded and wiped your face. 

Sam walked over and pulled a chair up to the table, interrupting the moment. He started to eat, completely unaware of what was going on. It was only when Jake sat down across from him and put a caring hand on your shoulder that he realized something was wrong. 

“What’s up?” Sam asked, still slightly oblivious. Danny pulled up another chair and set his food down before putting an arm around your shoulders and giving you a squeeze. “I’m guessing you didn’t follow my request,” Danny said quietly and you nodded. “Oh shit,” Sam interjected, “how much did you see?” 

You wiped your face and decided to be brave. “Enough. People really have nothing better to do, huh?” you said with a stiff chuckle before taking a bite of your eggs. Jake, sensing your want to change the subject, pointed to the sketch you’d been working on. “Who is that for?” he asked, although he likely already knew the answer. “You, for sure. Who else would wear something like this?” you asked and he nodded in agreement before launching into a series of questions about the design and the elaborate beadwork you’d outlined for the back panel. 

You all headed back upstairs to pack up your belongings before boarding the buses and heading to the venue. Packing was getting easier and you were able to get loaded onto the bus quickly. You spent the extra time checking the outfits and making sure they were ready for their debut that night. 

Albert came back to check on you a little before 11 am. “Did you have fun last night?” he asked, clearly unaware of the drama that had ensued. You filled him in on the events from the night, leaving out the part about social media and the kiss. He listened, completely intrigued. “I’m so glad you have those boys to keep you safe from the crowds. I’d hate to see you get hurt.” He paused. “Well, get hurt again. Although I know that,” he gestured to your cheek, which was no longer as swollen, “was an accident.” You nodded in agreement and he headed up to the front to prepare for “take off” as he called it. 

You weren’t surprised to see Danny board your bus, but you were surprised to see Sam. “We figured we’d ride with you,” Sam said, giving you a smile. “If that’s okay,” Danny added, waiting for your confirmation. “The more the merrier!” you agreed. 

________________________________________________________

The venue staff had met you at the bus to help you get the wardrobe off. You’d placed everything into each member’s dressing room and were sitting in the sitting area outside the dressing rooms answering emails when you saw Josh. He came over and sat in one of the large chairs positioned next to the loveseat you sat cross legged on. “How was sound check?” you inquired. He shrugged and leaned back in the chair, uncharacteristically still. A few moments later, you heard his breathing slow and his leg twitched, a sure sign he was asleep. I wonder why he came out here. His dressing room furniture must not be very comfortable. You continued to work on emails, sending Jen a text update as you worked.

You saw Emily for the first time that day as she hurried by with a few members of the venue staff, carrying large trays of sandwiches. Emily nodded towards Josh and you nodded back, understanding the message. You leaned over and jostled Josh’s leg, hoping he’d wake up more easily this time. Sure enough, his head popped up and he gave you a questioning look before looking around the room. “I can’t believe I fell asleep,” he said, running a hand through his loose curls. “I can. It’s been a long day already. You sat down and instantly fell asleep,” you explained. “They just brought in sandwiches,” you pointed out, gesturing to the end of the hall. That was all it took to wake him up completely and he was on his feet in a second. “Come on,” he garbled, reaching for your hand and pulling you behind him gently. 

You and Josh made your sandwich selections and Josh chatted with some of the venue staff. “Can you go find Sam and send him down, please?” Emily asked you quickly as you walked by. You nodded and headed to find his dressing room. 

Sam’s door was closed and you knocked lightly. You waited, but there was no response besides some slight shuffling. You knocked again, this time a bit louder. “Uh… just a second!” you heard Sam call from behind the door. Shrugging to yourself, you took a seat in the chair outside his room and waited. 

A few minutes later, Sam popped his head out. “You okay?” you asked, noticing that his hair was sticking to trails of sweat on his face. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’s up?” he shot back, shifting uncomfortably. “Well, they brought sandwiches and Emily asked me to let you know. You’d better make a move, they’re going quick,” you informed, gesturing with your plate towards the end of the hall. “Okay, thanks,” Sam said quickly before shutting the door. That was weird. Shaking off the odd interaction, you headed back to your seat to continue with your email, which had gotten seriously backed up. 

Someone sat down in the chair next to you, so you looked up. “Hey, Danny,” you greeted with a smile, which he easily returned. “These are really good,” he replied, lifting his sandwich. You nodded in agreement and had just opened your mouth to respond when Sam’s door flew open. You and Danny both turned to watch a girl walk out quickly before a beat passed and Sam walked out behind her. She scurried down the hall and out of sight as Sam walked towards the sandwiches. Instantly, your eyes met Danny’s. He gave you a befuddled look and shrugged. 

Sam returned to your area a moment later, taking a seat on the other side of Danny before taking a bite of his sandwich. You and Danny both watched him, waiting for him to explain. Sam looked up from his sandwich and caught you both looking at him. “What?” he asked, his mouth full. Jake had made his way to the group and sat across from you, next to Sam. Danny shot Sam a look and he shrugged in response. “I don’t know what you guys are being weird about,” Sam shook his head, taking another large bite. Jake looked from Danny to Sam and then to you. “What’d he do?” Jake asked, taking a bite of his own sandwich. Josh walked quickly down the hall and took the chair on your other side, sipping from a paper cup as he assessed the group. “Who was that girl Sam?” Josh asked quietly.

Leave it to Josh to ask the million dollar question. You all watched him and waited for an answer. “Just some girl who works the venue,” Sam said casually. Jake rolled his eyes and sat back, “I thought you were going to quit doing this shit. Especially after what happened last tour.” The air grew incredibly tense. You stood, gathering your stuff, “I’m gonna go search for some help and get the wardrobe brought in.” Danny stood and followed. “I’ll come help.” You nodded and he followed behind you towards the back doors. 

Once you’d made it outside, Danny cleared his throat and ran a hand lightly over his curls, clearly uncomfortable. Once you’d input the code on the bus door, it opened and you both stepped inside, closing the door behind you. Danny leaned against the table, watching you as you gathered everything. 

You turned to face him. “Is everything okay?” Danny nodded and you turned back to your task. “I should probably explain,” Danny said as he reached out for the box of shoes you had pulled from the closet. You turned back to face him. “You don’t have to. Clearly there’s some history and an issue there. It’s none of my business.” He shook his head. “No, it’s not fair for you to be around the arguing and have no idea. Basically, at the end of the last tour, Sam had just broken up with his girlfriend and he went a little crazy, hooked up with a couple of girls, pretty irresponsible. It almost got him in some big trouble, especially from a PR standpoint.” 

Danny paused briefly before continuing. “Anyways, he spent time working on himself and we all figured he was coming into this tour really solid. As you can tell, he’s been really off. I think the whole thing is just a lot for him at the moment. Something really sent him for a loop, but I have a feeling he will get over it. Jake and Josh will lay down the law and it’ll be fine.”

You nodded slowly as you took everything in. I definitely have made everything about ten times worse. “That’s just… crazy,” you replied. I should just tell Danny. He’ll know what to do. “Actually, I feel like I may know what…” you started before you were interrupted by Jake storming onto the bus. 

“He’s an idiot. Doesn’t even see why he shouldn’t just be hooking up with random girls. Especially when we need to be focused,” Jake said, sighing with exasperation. You and Danny both turned to look at him as he took a seat on one of the benches, arms crossed. “Was he at least safe and…” Danny started. Jake nodded but pressed his pointer fingers into his temples as he did so.

The three of you stood in silence for a moment as you quietly pulled the night’s wardrobe from the rack, Danny taking pieces from you to hold. Danny cleared his throat once you’d gathered everything and Jake turned to look at him. “We need to get back inside. Let’s just try to focus on giving this group a good show, doing what we do best,” Danny said, giving Jake a tense smile. Jake nodded and grabbed the box of shoes and jewelry from the table before heading back to the venue.

You worked to quickly deliver the outfits to each dressing room, Jake and Danny recruiting venue staff to help. The three of you walked into Sam’s room last and found him laid out on a couch in the middle of the room, Josh sitting on the end. Josh gave Jake a look that, to you, looked like whatever conversation Jake had walked away from didn’t end well. Sam turned to look at the group. “What is this? Some kind of weird intervention?” Sam asked.  

Sam started to laugh, at first just chuckling before it turned into full fledged gasping for air. Clearly he found himself hilarious tonight. Sam pointed at you. “She didn’t even tell you guys, did she?” he asked between pants. “Tell us what?” Danny asked as he came into the room, assessing the situation. You looked at Sam and shook your head, trying to let him know that he really didn’t need to do this right now. “You know what? Never mind. Now, can I get dressed without an audience?” Sam finished, taking another sip of his drink. Everyone filed out, clearly having more questions than answers.

You found yourself back in the seat you’d sat in earlier, working on yet another project. This time, it was the side of one of Sam’s suits that you held in your lap as you applied beadwork around the embroidered flowers that decorated the fabric. Jake was the first one dressed and he came to show you. “Looks great, Jake. How does it feel?” you asked as you finished the flower you were on. He beamed at you as he inspected the dark blue suit adorned with light blue, lightning-type designs. “Feels great. I keep thinking that I’ve found my favorite suit, but each time you give me something new, I’m proven wrong.” 

He moved to sit next to you. “Do you know what Sam was talking about earlier?” Jake whispered. It’s not really my issue to tell. Obviously it’s affected Sam, and therefore it’s his embarrassing story to tell. “No idea,” you lied, turning back to start a new line of beads. Jake nodded, although you could tell he didn’t believe you. 

Danny came out next, finishing the prep on his drumsticks as he came to show you his outfit. “I like this one a lot,” Danny added as he finished placing the electrical-type tape around the bottom of the stick, ripping it with his teeth. He looked great in his slightly sheer cutoff shirt and dark blue pants that you’d painstakingly applied hundreds of rhinestones along the sides of. “I don’t know how you don’t rip your teeth out,” Josh said with a shiver as he came to stand in front of you, doing a little theatrical twirl. He looked stunning in his latest jumpsuit. It wasn’t as ornate as his other ones, but the light blue fabric with shimmery overlay and rhinestone swirls looked perfect on him.

Sam was the last to join the group, his outfit your favorite of the lot. This suit didn’t have a wing like some of his other suits, but the feather and wing-type application of lighter colored threads on the lapels still gave a nod to birds. His dark blue lame-type pants completed the ensemble. You’d been a little worried about putting men in pants adorned with glitter and sparkles, but everything tied together flawlessly. “You guys look great. Have an amazing show,” you grinned as venue staff ushered them towards the stage. 

There was no monitor backstage, so you could only discern what was happening based off of the crowd and music you could make out from behind multiple walls. Your hands moved quickly as you worked to finish Jake’s jacket for Georgia. No idea why I’m working on this when I need to finish Sam’s jacket for the next show. Georgia is in like, 3 weeks. You decided to get out of your own head, remembering that bead work takes longer than the other types of embellishment you’d be using. 

Time flew by as you worked, your hands cramping from the repetitive movements. You snapped a picture of your progress and sent it to Jen, who had been incredibly busy on a new project. You were hunched over, fingers moving furiously when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You nearly jumped out of your skin, arms flying up and making contact with the person standing over you as you lurched backwards. 

“It’s just me! I’m sorry!” Danny exclaimed, instantly removing his hand. “Shit, sorry Danny!” You instinctively reached out to place a hand over his side where you’d smacked him. You felt him start to move away at your touch before he stopped, letting your hand rest on his side. You felt him breathe in steadily, your hand moving with his side. Breaking from your trance, you removed your hand before smiling shyly. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to whack you. You okay?” you asked. Danny gave you a grin and nodded. “It takes a lot more than that to hurt me. I grew up with the Kiszkas, okay?” he joked. Josh appeared next to Danny, giving you a wide smile. “How’d it go?” you inquired, both of them shrugging. Josh turned to look behind him before whispering his answer. “We were a little off. Jake’s still pretty pissed and Sam was just… off. Like he’s been.” 

Danny nodded and continued, “it still went pretty well though, considering. The crowd was really great.” Jake walked up and poked Josh in the side, causing him to jump sideways into Danny. Josh shot him an annoyed glance before turning to head back to his dressing room. “That looks great,” Jake panted, still slightly out of breath as the adrenaline wore off. “It’s coming along!” you replied, turning it to show him. You saw Sam head into his dressing room, luckily alone. Danny and Jake gave you a wave before heading in their respective directions to shower. Time moved quickly and soon you were loaded back on the bus, Josh seated on the floor scribbling furiously in his journal while Jake plucked away on a ukulele he’d shown up with. 

“Can we ride with you?” Josh had asked as you’d all been whisked out to the back door of the venue. “Of course,” you had replied, grabbing Josh’s bag from his shoulder as he headed over towards the group of fans gathered by a fence surrounding the backlot. Jake held his bag out for an assistant helping you all out, nodding towards you before following the group towards the fence. The assistant followed you onto your bus, a small group carrying the wardrobe behind you. You orchestrated where all of the various bits and pieces of the outfits went while placing you and Josh’s stuff on the main table, everyone moving quickly.

Now a hush fell over the bus aside from the scribbling of Josh’s pencils and gentle melodic plucking from Jake. You liked when the twins rode with you- their energies mellowed out as exhaustion fell over them and they brought positive, creative energy to your space. You’d finished Jake’s jacket and moved on to finishing stringing beads and embellishments on Sam’s jacket. You never really worried about the weight of his jackets because he almost always shed the jacket after the first song or two, opting to go bare-chested. 

The strings of glittery material made slight tinkling noises as you added them to the jacket, stringing them carefully in various patterns. You were using a form to hold the jacket upright and were having issues with the angles. “Fucking hate these things,” you muttered to yourself after sticking yourself in the same finger for the third time that night, turning to fumble in your bag for a bandaid as your finger started to bleed. 

“Oh god, are you okay?” Josh asked, standing up and coming over to you. He grabbed a tissue from a box sitting on a table by the bench and took your hand in his, inspecting your finger. “I usually don’t prick myself this hard, but I’ve hit the same damn spot like, three times,” you said, exasperated as he pressed the tissue onto the spot. He took the bandaid from you and carefully applied it before looking up at you. “You good?” he asked and you nodded. “Thanks,” you replied quietly as he threw the trash in a bin and went back to his spot on the floor, resuming his coloring as if nothing had even happened. 

You inspected the bandaid. He had wrapped it carefully around your finger, ensuring that you had full mobility of the joint so you could continue working. You looked over at him, blissfully unaware of how touched you were at his gesture. Jake’s phone started to ring and he answered it, having a quick conversation with whoever was on the other end. He hung up the call and sat up, turning to face you and Josh who were watching him. “We are going to stop and get gas in a few minutes. There’s a couple of places in the same complex where we can grab dinner,” Jake updated you. “Should I go tell Albert or does he know?” you asked. Jake shrugged so you headed up to the front of the bus to check in with Albert.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” Albert asked. You smiled at the name. “Did you hear from Dean? I think the other bus is planning to stop.” He nodded and pointed to the walkie talkie he had placed on his dash before giving you a wink. “Oh, I should’ve figured,” you laughed and he gave you a grin. “I appreciate you coming to check on me though. We should be stopping in about,” he paused and looked at the GPS attached to the dash of the bus, “ten minutes.” “I’ll let them know,” you said as you turned to head to the back of the bus. 

“We are about ten minutes out,” you let Jake and Josh know before you continued your project. You were able to get a few more strings onto the jacket before the bus came to a stop. Your group of three filed off, Albert promising to pick you up in the same place after he got gas. Danny and Sam walked over to you and your group headed into the gas station. 

“Well, I guess our options are Wendy’s and… gas station burritos,” Sam said, gesturing to the ‘closed’ sign on the door to the adjoined Taco Bell. Josh made a face at the suggestion of a gas station burrito, taking off in the direction of the Wendy’s. Everyone followed behind him and lined up to order. 

The food came out quickly and Jake checked to make sure the orders were split up correctly before handing Sam and Danny’s food to Danny. Jake headed out towards the bus without another word, carrying the rest of the food. Danny and Sam looked at each other and headed out behind him. “Well, I guess you’re stuck with us for the rest of the night,” Josh joked, putting his arm through yours as you followed behind everyone else. “I’d more so say you're stuck with me and my tinkling,” you laughed as Josh bumped hips with you. Everything seemed more fun with him around, so you didn’t mind at all that he’d be joining you, likely overnight. 

You got back on the bus and checked in on Albert, who was eating what looked to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, before heading back to find your food laid out at what had been designated as “your” spot at the table. Josh sat to your right and Jake to your left at their respective spots. 

You all ate in silence as the bus headed back onto the interstate. Jake cleared his throat and looked over to you, waiting a moment before speaking. You watched him carefully as you waited. “Thanks for your help today. I know you didn’t sign on for all this. But I, we, appreciate it.” Jake spoke quietly, but you knew his words carried a lot of meaning. Jake was the quietest of the group so when he spoke, people were sure to listen. A man of fewer words than his twin, you knew he chose to speak with deliberation. You gave him a sincere smile and nodded. “I just hope things are okay.” Josh brushed Jake off with his hand. “Things will be fine. We just needed some time away from Sam. He hasn’t been making the best choices lately and we miss his goofiness. We’ve been missing that a lot this tour, but he will get it back.” You nodded and turned back to your potato as you all continued to eat in now comfortable silence.

Josh fell asleep on the bench again, journal rising and falling on his chest as he breathed deeply. Jake had made his way to the top bunk in the back shortly after 1 am, choosing comfort. You continued to work until about 3 am before checking in with Albert, who let you know you were still about seven hours from your destination. You warmed up his coffee for him in the microwave before brushing your teeth, changing into comfy clothes and making your way to your bunk, careful to roll into the bed quietly so as not to disturb Jake. You fell asleep to the swooshing of the tires on the road, hoping things would get a little easier. 

Little did you know things were going to be getting a lot messier.

Taglist: @eyelinerjake @radmads-gvf

[jaylaxies]

KINKTOBER DAY 28 — CHOKING KINK

PAIRING: spider-man!mark x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, unprotected sex, choking, fingering, slight bondage, usage of nicknames, breeding.

WC: 1.3k words

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni

A/N: hihi, loves! i couldn’t stop thinking of spidermark so here we are! i hope you guys will like it :3 all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

✎ kinktober masterlist

“Shh, baby. Don’t want your parents to hear now, do we?” 

You truly couldn’t believe that it was happening—that Spider-Man was in your room with his slender fingers wrapped around your throat. 

You’ve always wanted this from the day you first saw him, on the day he saved a lift full of people from falling down and crashing to the ground. You were one of those who got stuck in the lift too, which was the traumatic onset of your tiny crush on him. 

No one knew who was behind that mask, yet his suit clad figure was a sight to see, his build lean and slightly muscular, not to mention he smelled brilliant (a little something you gathered when he saved you).  

To add to it, his ever so attractive voice always grasped everyone’s attention, you thought he was funny too, which is exactly why you ended up making a poster full of glitter saying:

Choke me, Spider-Man!

It was a silly joke, albeit you’d definitely be lying if you say you didn’t get wet dreams about the superhero, because you did. Detailed ones at that. 

Maybe carrying the poster with you at all times was a bit of a stretch but you did it anyway, granted that your city was full of crimes and spotting Spider-Man was an easy task, which is why you proudly held up the poster in the crowd whenever you saw him, after he fought with the villain that is. 

The people around you laughed, but it wasn’t mocking, it was more of an amused chuckle, and you could have sworn you noticed spidey look your way, before swinging away, much to your dismay. 

This went on a few times. You were practically waving the poster when it was the fourth time, yet he didn’t pay you any attention, leaving you dejected as you dragged yourself back home from Uni, chuckling at your state. 

Crush on a superhero?

Pathetic. He’s loved by countless people all over the world, what makes you think he’d have time to give you even a sliver of his attention when he’s so busy saving the world?

Clicking your tongue, you threw the crumbled poster in the trash can of your bedroom, dimming the lights as you sat down on your bed, ready to change into your nightwear before opting to sleep to take your mind off things. 

Just then, a loud sound of knocking on your window caught your attention, which was funny considering you lived up on a pretty high floor in your apartment building. You thought that it must be a bird, still, you decided to open the curtains to check it out. 

Shock would be an understatement to explain what you were feeling the second your eyes laid on the person right outside your window. 

The reason for your sour mood, or rather, the reason you spent hours trying to ease the pent up frustration in you each night, moaning out with need, was hanging by your window. 

“Oh god,” you breathed out, brain short circuiting for a few seconds before you shook your head, opening the windows for him to come in. 

Who knew Spider-Man would actually care enough to notice you? 

Then you realized just how awkward the situation was, and you didn’t have much to say anymore now that he was standing right in front of you, looking around as if he was inspecting your room. 

“Spider man,” you breathed out, and he chuckled. 

His attention was on you now, walking closer to you, “so, you’re the one who wanted to be choked by me,” he said smoothly, and you couldn’t help but shamelessly gawk at his figure, mouth watering at the sight. 

“Uhm—I mean, holy fuck you’re actually here,” you tried to voice out your thoughts, but they were a mess, which only caused him to chuckle at your shocked state. 

“Didn’t you want me here, baby?” He asked and you felt your knees buckling at the deep tone of his voice. 

You took another step back, only to lose balance and trip. But good for you, your spidey was quick to shoot his web on your silky night blouse, pulling you close and right into his arms. 

He smelled so good. 

“Careful. We don’t want you hurting your pretty face,” he whispered, tracing his glove clad finger along your jaw, gripping your chin when he noticed how your body had gone still, “deep breaths, babe.”

“Are you gonna fuck me?” You asked, voice coming out in a low whine, eyes twinkling with hope. 

He chuckled, pulling his mask up which had you bubbling with anticipation, you really wanted to see what he looked like. However, he stopped a little too soon for your liking, only exposing his lips, leaning in to mumble against your own. 

“I’m gonna fuck the life out of you,” he whispers, a gasp leaving your lips as you pulled him closer into a rushed kiss. 

He was quick to take over, kissing you harder as he pushed you down on your bed, “undress, quick,” he ordered, and you fumbled while getting everything off your body. 

Your cheeks were warm, your eyes on his figure, which was now devoid of his costume, faint abs and strong muscles on display for you, but your mouth practically salivated at the sight of his cock, thick and hard. 

Just when you sat up to touch him, he grabbed your wrist, pushing them up your head and shooting webs to make sure they didn’t move. 

You never knew you’d be into web-play but here you are, getting wet by being constrained by webs. 

“Please,” you begged in hopes that he’d touch you, or do something, anything. 

“So needy, aren’t you?” He clicks his tongue, his fingers caressing your cunt, collecting your wetness, “so wet already,” he smirked, “wanna be fucked all night, huh?” He asked, continuing working his fingers between your legs, arousal leaking from your cunt. 

His other hand was wrapped up around your neck, fingers tightening enough for you to gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you felt lightheaded with the whole situation, but you couldn’t have asked for anything better. 

He was so good with his fingers, thumb pads circling your clit while two digits plunged in and out of you, eliciting moans out of you. 

“Shh,” he whispered, his hold around your neck tightening which caused you to open your mouth, giving him the perfect opportunity to lean in and spit in your mouth, watching the glob travel down your tongue till you gulped it down, earning a praise out of him, “good girl.” 

He pulled back right when your body started shaking with the orgasm building up in your lower abdomen, his hold on your neck loose to let you breathe some more before he took it to the next level. 

He ran his lips down your neck, sucking harshly as he lined his cock to your eager folds, your expression blissful and your entrance so wet, it made it easy for him to bottom out, “so fucking pretty,” he groaned out. 

His voice strained as he started fucking you into your mattress, his power was evident with how precise and hard his thrusts were. It was a lifetime opportunity for you, and you wished to savour every second of it as you wrapped your legs around his slender waist, pulling him even closer and deeper in your pussy. 

He hit your spot over and over again, “cream my cock like a good girl, baby,” he rasped out, his own orgasm approaching. 

You couldn’t hold back anymore, with his fingers still gripping your neck, the lack of air was evident but it somehow made you feel as if you were floating with unadulterated bliss around you as you finally reached your state of euphoria, coming undone on his cock, exactly when he filled you up with his cum, mixing it with yours as he emptied himself in you. 

You whined when he pulled back, getting dressed after draining you, “you’re leaving?” You asked, frowning. 

“Gotta save the world now, pretty,” he whispered, removing his webs from your wrists before pecking your lips and rushing out of the window. 

Maybe making the poster wasn’t such a bad idea after all. 

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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[divorcingjimmatthews]

i couldn't really find the kind of prompt list I was looking for (kind of like those OC development guidelines but for ship dynamics? do they exist?) so i made my own ‼

meet my (canon x OC) ship — jade and diane aka his girlfriend that he found in the trash🌲🚁

pictured: jade talks about the symbols while diane wonders what is wrong with him worries for his mental state

🌎 how they met: jade finds diane the morning after her helicopter got trapped and was forced to land in a clear in the woods during the night. severely sick and delirious from having spent most of the night in the lake to escape the nightmare creatures, she believes that jade, marielle and kristi have kidnapped her which makes her very difficult to help. jade has a strong interest in making sure that she recovers for the valuable information that she can provide, so he puts in a lot of effort into nursing her back to health and becomes extremely attached along the way <3

👀 who fell first: jade definitely became attached first because of the emotional investment that he had in her recovery, and dianne quickly followed as soon as she started feeling better. but they only started romantically liking each other after they got the opportunity to hang out in "normal" circumstances once diane was out of the clinic. she was listening to him talk about his science theories one day and thought 'oh wait, i don't just trauma-like this guy, i actually really really like-like this guy...!'

💚 how do they make each other feel: basically? safe. diane is a naturally closed-off person but jade is honest and open enough to make her feel safe to do the same. meanwhile, jade deeply appreciates the way diane is always quietly watching out for his mental state

⚘ one thing they like about the other: diane collects every single peak autism jade moment in her heart like they're very cool rocks that she found, and jade can't get over how cute she is when she smiles and how hot it is that she can do badass flying kicks

💫 one fun moment they had: diane didn't have any of her own clothes with her save for her pilot gear, so jade takes her to the storage room and tells her to pick what she wants to wear. diane flashes a lil playful smile and tells him to pick what he wants her to wear. he passes on the chance to be horny about it and just starts picking the worst possible outfits he can find for her to try on, and she has the time of her life trying them on for him to rate how well she managed to pull them off. she manages to convince him to try on a few of her own picks too. jim walks in on them and jade throws him a fancy shirt for him to try on but tragically he's anti-fun and his wife has been missing for two weeks but that's clearly irrelevant here /jk

🍂 one angsty moment they had: jade basically ended up investing his last thread of sanity into helping diane recover so when she takes a turn for the worse and it looks like she might not make it after all, kristi and marielle start worrying for jade's mental state if the worst ends up happening. diane tries to draw some diagrams for him so he can know how to repurpose the instruments from her helicopter and read the data she gathered about the terrain but he wants to hear none of it and just tells her to save her strength

i could talk about them for hours so i'm going to end it here... sorry to inflict my OC on y'all. if you read this far we are basically married, i love you forever and i owe you my life /lh

[navybrat817]

Hi Navy! I keep up with all your work and I think it’s amazing! I’m sure people can have preferences for certain characters but that’s a personal choice not binding on the author and that’s not a difficult concept to understand so I don’t understand why it had to be reiterated in a separate post oof. But I hope you’re getting more nice messages than bad ones!!

Also on a side note, ALLOW ME TO SCREMA INYO A VOID

you will NOT believe what I saw after hours in university. MY PROF IS A BIKE GUY 😭😭😭😭😭

Just not something I expected out of him but now that ik I’m not sure how to handle it AAAAAH

🎓

I appreciate that, nonnie. ❤️ I got a couple of not-so-nice asks for not updating a specific AU (I'm guessing it was the same nonnie) and trashing my current ficlets. That energy could've been spent sending love to writers or reblogging things they enjoyed. But there are so many kind people like you and it makes sharing enjoyable.

So a professor AND a bike guy? He really is fanfic material and I love that for you.

I hope you're having an awesome day! Love and thanks. ❤️

[theressomethinghappeninginparis]

Okay, a lot of stuff happened and I'm currently thinking of residing in a hostel or something so I don't have to travel here again. I visited the places I found important on my map and gathered some information on anything I could get my hands on.

Transcript of the first page: Pawn Shop: Nothing. It was closed although the opening hours said it should be open. I will ask around if anyone knows the owner and will come back later, maybe they are on a coffe break. Serpent Rouge: The club's dead like anything in this, pardon me, shithole. They have a front entry that's locked and a back door with a glass window that I could technically smash in. To ass to my criminal record. There was also a lady called Janice that mentioned another woman inquiring her about the happenings and I tookt he bait as she suggested I worked with her...okay, I lied, but listen, it would benefit us all. I got some information on the other woman's tasks: she wanted to find a guy named Bouchard(?) and she should stay away from him. From what I know and what the murmurs in Paris are saying, Bouchard is a drug dealer and shady as well. What I would want from him, who knows.

Transcript of the second page: Herbalist: I need a new pen and I spent a fortune on this herbalist. I paid for some tea, asked him things, paid for paracetamol, asked him another, back and forth. What I got out of him is that I should stay home and not snoop around, that most people are bribable but him, the healing balms really stops bleeings and if I have some business here I should ask Bernand(?) and not him. Who the fuck is Bernand and why is everyone so secretive around here?

Transcript of the third page: Park: I met an old man feding birds there. No idea who he is, I also did not ask, but I mentioned the murder of Carvier here and if he knew anything about it. He explained he keeps low since his friend Arnould(?) was attacked by something or someone and he assumes it was the monstrum, and people are asking him a lot these days. The lady inquiring Janice earlier, does he mean her? Chruch: The church isn't one anymore, it's the base of a legal boxing club. The guy working there as a referee I think likes gold and was thick, and intimidating and he wasn't talking too much. So I didn't expect a nice answer, left in one piece, and as I asked him about Bouchard, he said I shouldn't go further if I want to see the next day. Cool!

Transcript of the fourth page: Café Metro: The 4th arrondissement of Paris is flooded in trash I swear. It's dirty, neglected, most houses are abandoned and the café looks like a place you'd stay if you lost all money and dignity. It's also collecting rust at the front door and old papers in beneath it. There was one customer reading newspapers in the corner, old wine and the bartender was semi happy. After he told me I was nosy and I was asking around like another person today I tried offering him something. I tried it with painkillers but he suggested something I could help him with. And he gave me a plan! Can you believe this shit. He hands me a scrap of paper and wants me to solve his "problem". Don't ask me why I agreed.

Transcript of the fifth page: The problem is as follows: there is a trinket in the Serpent Rouge in the broken stage light. The club is full of, guess qhose goons? Bouchard. And I'll probably see my grandfather before I get to the box.

In conclusion I lied my way through Parism will get the trinket, and totally not die doing that. I need to do some things that sound like a bad thriller. I need to find this Bouchard guy, I need to talk to Rennes (the pawn shop owner apparently) like Pierre (bartender) told me to, and I have a day to figure all this out. He offered me to sleep at a dorm above his café, I accepted it and shoved a cupboard in front of the door. I heard junkies outside and the place is crawling with shadows.

Transcript of the sixth and seventh page: Here's the super accurate perfect correctly scaled map by Pierre. I slept like crap and I got keys from him. He won't go there with me so I need to get in myself, I will use the door I wanted to ahem shatter at first. If anybody asks, I am a janitor.

Writing this in a parallel street again and I'm feeling anxious. So. The club Pierre said was full of goons is full of people. No kidding. There were dead security men on the floor, electronic music blasting, the blood wasn't dried out completely. The top floor was not to be reached by me, the stairs were stuffed with musical equipment. And I'm not touching anyone. I called the police anonymously and my plan is now as follows: i'll get myself a box that's fitting into the stage lights. The pawn shop should be suitable for that. I'll tell Pierre he can pick up the box at, let's say, the park. And I'm doing it for professional secrecy reasons. Like, what is he pitching it in exchange??

I'll get a box, go to Pierre, tell him to spit his information out, leave and never be seen again.

[whisperhushh]

Is me, again, I just received the friend number and I'm going to deactivate, I don't know what else to do to make everyone believe, I don't know why I want everyone to believe it. I think is cause one time I called this fandom my family, please share this message:

The image that I sent to Whisper was in dark mode, as you guys claimed wouldn't be photoshopped if was in dark mode, it is in dark mode, I will not brain root myself to please a fandom who is just trashing me out like you guys are doing in here.

As I said to whisper before, I can be a lot of things but not a liar, I really wanted this to be a made up history, but truly, this band was my safe place, I'm here for 7 years and ending with a block from the people I always supported even when they didn't had this fame or money, that I spent hours in packed venues to see them close, donate money on twitch when things was hard for Noah in the quarantine, the band that I love and cried, and worst being called a liar seeing, Whisper being mistreated at her own blog cause of me and my big ass mouth, I shouldn't have shared this in here.

I'm truly devastated to see the band that I always supported blocking me cause of a little comment and next seeing people I get used to talk aways just mistreating me cause I wanted to keep things between me and Whisper.

I send a message for Diva also, but if you guys really care about mental health, please when she posted it, doesn't make this bigger than it is.

I just whished I didn't shared this with you guys, I was wrong about Bad Omens and the fandom.

I'm not talking about this matter ever again, and hope you guys are satisfied with the outcome, and If it not, we are two, cause I'm not satisfied with the way I'm leaving this fandom.

One last thing, I never wanted to harm Bad Omens or Noah in any way, I'm diagnosed with depression since 13y and they saved me, Noah streaming was the only time I wouldn't harm myself in the quarantine 'cause was the only time I didn't feel lonely. I really really loved Noah, Folio, Jolly and Nick, and I'm truly sorry if I did anything bad to them or to the fandom, in the end, I broke Noah rule of not making Bad Omens my life, but is really hard of not doing that when they saved me so many times.

I hope you guys have a good and long life, wishing all the success in the world for them. Concrete forever, goodbye, friends! ❤️

.

[laurentrvls]

My First Disaster

It was 2013, the year before I was talking to this guy who ended being the human embodiment of trash — putting it as kindly as possible. My friends at the time were in their final years of college and looking for postgrad institutes. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do anymore and had dropped out of college to figure it all out. I was working two jobs since I wasn't doing anything else, might as well make that bag! While in my self- discovering- longer- than -usual -gap- year I started running. I would run 5k's, 10k's, found local hiking groups. I was vegetarian since 2008 and started watching Vegan youtubers. I had a different Tumblr account at the time and I connected with a few people that were Vegan, Runners, and overall pleasant people. I started connecting with people all over the country comparing Farmer's Markets and asking for recipe advice sprinkled with vegan memes.

One of the people I connected with was a person from Los Angeles, California. A place I've always wanted to go to. After months of messaging back and forth the idea to visit came up in conversation. We had a lot in common and the vegan scene in LA was a decade ahead of the east coast at this point. So we decided to meet up.

(HOLD UP: PAUSE: I truly think that I am AMAZINGLY LUCKY to be here today. Meeting a stranger online was easily the dumbest thing I have done in my life (and I hopped on a random bus in Mexico not speaking any Spanish so I know dumb — yes I'll post about that incident as well) I AM NOT recommending anyone fly across the country to meet someone online, ever. Back in 2013 I believe I did everything I could to make sure I would be safe as a 21 year old women. We talked for months, Video chatted frequently, we sent each other pictures of our ID's I actually called the University they claimed to go to posing as an employer to confirm they were a student there. I selected a hotel and place to meet that was public and not far from a police station, Etc. Even with all this I still think it was a really dumb thing for me to do looking back on the situation now. Again, I am very lucky that the person I was meeting was not crazy and still call them a friend today. Please read my blog entries as entertainment and NOT an instruction manual)

So, we met up in November, I arrived at LAX and got off the plane. We met up and they offered to drive me to my hotel in downtown LA. When I got out of the car I checked that I had everything.

"I can't find my wallet"

"It's got to be here somewhere"

We spent the next 10 minutes ripping apart this car with no luck.

"Wanna go back to the airport?"

*feeling like the biggest burden on the planet*

"Nah I'll just explain what happened"

"You're oddly calm about this"

I go inside realizing the only thing that even has my name on it is my luggage tag. I go to the reception desk and explain my life story to this poor guy who can see that I'm trying to stay calm and says "I'm sorry that happened, I just need a credit card to have on file in case of incidentals."

I call my mom and tell her the situation. Geeze can you imagine your child is across the country and has no money, no ID and calls you freaking out that she's going to be forced to sleep outside in downtown Los Angeles. I call her also not realizing that she's three hours ahead of me and trying to close the store since she is a manager. I tell her she needs to fax a credit card to the nice hotel man and I can go to my room. She then let's me know she's A. trying to close a store and send associates home. B. doesn't know any place open that could fax something. C. Now has to figure out how she's going to send me my passport (For ID) and money overnight to California. The Receptionist takes the phone and said since we were members of the hotel chain he would get approval to just take her card over the phone.

I was fortunate that my mom was able to overnight my passport and a $300 Visa Gift card to my hotel so that three days into my trip I could do things that weren't free. With my laptop I was able to look up free things to do in LA like go to the public library which is was more elaborate than my local library. I randomly found a handful of quarters in one of the suitcase pockets and purchased those dry as heck granola bars (I think it had honey in it but I was desperate) My friend would visit and pay for lunch/ dinner all while attending school. Obviously when I got some money I treated a few times and ended up giving the remainder to my friend when I was dropped off at the airport. I went home and now had to replace all my cards, my ID, I had over $600 in cash, gift cards, even my SSN card and a blank check because I got direct deposit a few weeks before my trip!

So I get all new cards, curse the heavens that I lost the money. As soon as I get home I call my best friend and we meet the next weekend to plan our trip to LA together during his spring break in March.

Months go by, life's pretty much back to normal. My friend and I are planning our trip to California together when my mom texts me "Postcard on fridge for wallet". I was so confused. I was at work, I call "What about the wallet??" She responds "I dont know you got a postcard that says to call about your wallet". Funny thing was I didn't know if I should be excited, I already replaced everything, No way my money could be in the wallet. I thought, most likely they are just letting me know that they did their investigation and couldn't find anything after so many months of looking. I get home late at night no further details on the postcard that came from Texas.

The next morning I call. They confirmed they had a wallet that matched the description. They wanted me to list everything I could remember being in the wallet. I did not mention the money at first since I knew with all my heart that it was gone. I listed Gift cards I remember having, told her about the blank check and SSN card, "okay yes and what else" I listed all my credit cards, school ID, fortune cookie fortunes I had saved, "did you have any currency?" No. Way. "yeah I assumed it's no longer in there", "There is cash in the wallet, do you remember how much it was?" My mind went fuzzy, 'what is money?' 'did the planet start spinning faster?' I contemplated before saying "$658?". She confirmed that I was close enough to know it was in fact my wallet and asked for my address. I proceeded to tell my friend from California, my friends and family and no one could believe it. Probably should of gotten a lottery ticket that day.

I do still considered myself cursed even though the wallet was returned to me 120 days after losing it. When people start prying into my travel history they are bound to ask "what's the craziest thing to have happened to you while traveling?" Until very recently I would always tell them this story.

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

Open Heart - Chapter 11

Panacea

The following night, Matthew was sat in a booth at Donahue’s waiting for his friends. He was absolutely exhausted: someone had been spreading rumours that he was trash-talking the nurses and they had retaliated by completely ignoring him. The only one who believed him was Danny, but he couldn’t side against his fellow nurses. Matthew had spent the day doing several people’s jobsworth and panicking about the treatment time he was wasting. He hadn’t stopped for lunch, or even for coffee, and had only been able to use the toilet ten hours into his shift. He gripped his beer glass, wondering if it was big enough.

“Hey Matthew.” Landry sat beside him. “You look tired.”

“I am,” Matthew groaned. “And it’s gonna be more of the same tomorrow, isn’t it?”

Landry hesitated, and then patted Matthew’s arm. “Hang in there,” he said, trying to be reassuring.

Jackie joined them next, taking one look at Matthew and buying him another beer. Bryce, Elijah and Sienna joined after that.

“So, how was pulling an entire shift without any nursing staff support?” Bryce asked cheerfully.

“Nightmare. I appreciated them before, and that’s just reached a whole new level today. Too bad they won’t believe me if I say that.”

“Something fishy is going on though,” Bryce mused. “Your pager was turned off Monday. Then your charts went missing, and now someone spreading rumours to piss off the nurses.”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Jackie said. “Matthew’s being sabotaged.”

Matthew had been afraid of that, but hearing it out loud made him wince. Elijah and Sienna shared a look.

“Who would jeopardise patients that way, though?” Sienna asked.

“Well that’s just it. It’s not endangering the patients, it’s just making Matthew look bad,” Landry said.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s so messed up.” Elijah was shaking his head.

“I’ll be OK as long as I have you guys,” Matthew said, smiling round the group. “I mean, Elijah stood up for me when the attendings thought I was losing stuff on purpose, and today Sienna requested a bunch of stuff from the nurses for me in her name.”

“Anytime, bud.”

“Danny’s secretly on our side, too.”

“What a scab,” Jackie smirked. “Anyway, Matthew, if you know who’s behind this, just tell me who to punch.”

“Um, not that I don’t appreciate that Jackie, but that’s not why I asked you to meet me.” Jackie scared him sometimes. “Remember that Panacea rejected my request for the Huntingtons treatment for Mrs Martinez?”

“I wish we could just give it to her anyway.” Sienna looked sad.

“Well that’s what I’m gonna do.”

A shocked silence followed this statement, everyone had their mouths open. Matthew sat calmly as he waited for someone to say something. His mind was made up.

“For real?” Elijah asked faintly.

“Bad-ass!” Jackie sounded impressed.

“You can’t be serious!” Landry spluttered. “If you get caught you’ll risk your entire career!”

“It’s worth it,” Matthew said firmly. “I won’t let Panacea withhold a cure from Mrs Martinez to increase profit margins.”

“But…the mortality rate…she might die…”

“She knows, I told her. But she wants to try anyway. So, Declan Nash will be meeting the diagnostics team at Edenbrook tomorrow, and he always has Panacea samples in his briefcase. All I’ve got to do is get into it and extract a dose.”

Bryce was looking extremely impressed, but Landry was appalled.

“You want to steal from a pharma exec? You must be…”

“I’m in.”

Matthew blinked at Jackie.

“You are? Really?”

“Absolutely. You’re gonna need all the help you can get. BUT if this goes south, I know nothing about anything.” She winked at him, any lingering doubt over the rankings long forgotten.

“Same. This sounds like too much fun to pass up.” Bryce had a mischievous glint in his eye, and Sienna was agreeing. She wanted Mrs Martinez to see Paris.

“Pharma companies shouldn’t get to play God,” Elijah muttered with quiet anger.

Landry was the only one who didn’t say anything. Matthew looked at him cautiously…and couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed when he shook his head. Landry was usually sensible, but he had hoped he might be willing to break the rules for Mrs Martinez.

“I can’t be involved in this. You’re going too far.”

“Maybe I am, but I’m not stopping now. Look, I understand if you can’t help, you’ve got to do what you think is right—”

“Would you listen to yourself?!” Landry suddenly snapped, making everyone jump. “This isn’t an argument with two sides! I am doing what’s right, legally and morally.”

“Landry…”

“No. Reconsider this, guys. Mrs Martinez is fine and she could still live for years!”

Landry was frighteningly clever, but he could be so closed-minded. Matthew wished he could open his third eye.

“She’d only be alive because she’d be imprisoned by her own treatment! What kind of life is that?”

He held Landry’s eye in defiance, and Landry looked back at him, pleading. The others didn’t dare to say anything, and then Landry sighed and stood up.

“Just…please rethink this. OK?”

“Landry, wait…” Sienna tried to placate him, but Landry was swiftly walking away.

Matthew sighed, but wouldn’t let himself be hung up on it. Maybe he’d come round. They were still friends. Bryce cleared his throat.

“So…Declan Nash coming to Edenbrook tomorrow? I hope you have a plan.”

“Actually, I have a few.”

They spent the night going through plans and back-up plans and contingency plans for the back-up plans  until Matthew’s head was spinning. He burned with adrenaline at the thought that Mrs Martinez could be preparing for Paris in a few weeks.

Matthew readied himself the next day by leaning against a banister in the atrium to study his charts as Declan Nash strolled through the doors, briefcase in hand. Chief Emery came to greet him and Matthew was suitably grossed out when he heard the cheesy pick-up line Declan used on her. Judging by Harper’s face when she turned around, she felt the same way.

Matthew followed them down the hall at a careful distance, texting an alert to Elijah, who appeared with excellent timing and reported that Dr Mirani needed help with an urgent case. Nash sat in a chair to wait for Harper. Matthew gave the signal to Bryce.

“Are you OK, Mr Russell?” Bryce asked as he gently helped an elderly man down the hall. “That food poisoning did a number on you.”

Matthew’s hand hovered over a text message to Jackie – the Mr Russell manoeuvre was risky – but he needn’t have worried. Mr Russell turned slightly green and Bryce subtly turned him ever-so-slightly towards Nash. Vomit splattered over Nash’s pants. The stars had aligned that day.

Matthew rushed into the nearby bathroom where Sienna hid in the far cubicle. They stood close together, holding their breath until they heard Bryce crashing through the door, apologising loudly.

“…so sorry, sir, honestly it happens to the doctors all the time…”

“…so disgusting, who knows what sort have germs have just been passed on?!”

“Don’t worry sir, food poisoning’s not contagious. Let me help you get cleaned up.”

“Harper will never want to get dinner with me now…”

“Wait, what?”

“What?”

In the commotion, Bryce had kicked Nash’s briefcase towards their stall. Matthew opened it, Sienna held out her open palm where she had scrawled the name of the medication: V-3706.

He found it, nestled amongst pill bottles and vials of liquid. Sienna uncapped a new syringe, and he stuck it into the vial, filling the syringe with blue liquid, before recapping the syringe, closing the briefcase and pushing it out under the door. Bryce and Nash had argued the whole time.

Matthew tucked the syringe into his scrub top pocket, his heart beating fast. The tricky part was over.

“Matthew, look!” Sienna whispered. They peered through the crack in the toilet stall door to see Bryce lifting Nash up to the hand dryers. Matthew pressed his lips together to keep from laughing, resolutely NOT looking at Sienna.

“That’s quite enough! Put me down!”

“Are you sure man? It’ll totally work…”

Nash pushed away from Bryce, stumbling a little as he landed. He tried to pull himself up to full height (5‘7“) to regain his dignity, except he was red-faced and in a rumpled suit with his trousers stained in the worst possible way.

“Now, see hear, I have a very important meeting to attend to and I can’t be dealing with the likes of you. Now, if you don’t mind…”

Nash glanced round for his briefcase and frowned when he spotted it lying a foot away from where he had dropped it. Matthew silently panicked…but Nash just shrugged and picked it up before storming out the bathroom. Bryce fixed his hair in the mirror, winking at the cubicle where he knew Matthew and Sienna would be hiding, then strutted out without a care in the world.

Matthew and Sienna both burst into collective laughter, partly with relief, mostly from the ridiculousness they had just witnessed. They had to take a few minutes to calm down.

“Jackie will be sorry she didn’t get to run over Nash with a hospital bed,” Sienna giggled, referring to plan B.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll take the chance regardless.”

They left the bathroom, still grinning, and Matthew turned to Sienna.

“OK, see if we can regroup before—”

“Rookie.”

Of course the plan had been going too well. Now Dr Ramsey was bearing down on them, something Matthew hadn’t quite considered. Sienna paled as they faced him. Matthew squeezed her shoulder.

“What are you playing at, exactly?” Ramsey asked in that deadly calm voice that usually brewed up a storm. “You think I didn’t notice that trick with the scalpel jockey and Mr Russell?”

“Dr Ramsey…I need you to trust me.”

“To trust you?” Ethan’s face deepened to a scowl.

“Please, Dr Ramsey,” Sienna said. “Dr Valentine is doing the right thing.”

“And what, pray tell, is that?”

Matthew suddenly remembered Ethan’s words on a Miami balcony.

“I’m doing whatever it takes.”

Ethan tensed, his brow furrowing as he realised he may have unleashed a monster.

“Ramsey!” Nash’s impatient shout had the three of them turning to Declan. He was glaring at Ethan, flatly ignoring the other two. “It’s your diagnostics department after all. What’s the hold-up?”

Ethan gave them one more apprehensive look but followed Nash down the hallway to the conference room. Matthew sighed in relief and tugged Sienna in the opposite direction.

“Alert the others to meet us in the on-call room.”

“On it.” She started texting. “What about Dr Ramsey?”

“I’ll deal with it, but let’s worry about this for now.”

The others were already in the on-call room when they got there, looking at Matthew expectantly. Matthew looked back solemnly…and then triumphantly produced the syringe from his pocket. His friends cheered.

“That was actually kinda fun!”

“I’m still gonna run Declan over if the opportunity presents itself.”

Sienna and Matthew shared a knowing smirk.

“Do you want any of us to come with you?” she asked.

“No. If I get caught, it’ll just be me handling the drug.” Matthew tucked the syringe back into his pocket. “You guys don’t need to go down with me.”

“Tell Mrs M we’re pulling for her!”

Matthew buzzed as he strolled through the hospital, keeping his eyes to the floor. In some ways he was in the best hiding place: a doctor in a hurry was not unusual, and no one was going to waste time watching him closely in the chaos of the hospital. Still, it was relief when he got to Mrs Martinez’s room and found her alone.

She sat up when he entered.

“Is it…time?”

“If you want it to be.”

Matthew presented her with the syringe. Her face melted into a beautiful smile.

“Mrs Martinez,” he said gently. “I need to remind you of what’s at stake. There’s a forty percent chance this will kill you.”

“Matthew, I would take a ninety-nine percent chance of dying over another ten years in this hospital. Even for the slightest chance of exploring the world…I would give anything.”

She spoke reverently and her eyes glittered with tears. For a moment, it was Matthew’s greatest dream as well as hers.

“Then let’s not waste another second,” he said. “Give me your arm and cross your fingers.”

As Mrs Martinez closed her eyes in readiness, Matthew injected the serum that just might be their answer…

They kept a low profile over the next few days. Matthew stuck to his assigned cases, but everyone kept their eyes and ears open for changes in Mrs Martinez’s condition. Ines had been heard reporting to Chief Emery that Mrs Martinez’s white blood cell count had improved at a rate that suggested she may not even need treatment for much longer. Matthew passed it on to his roommates that night and they whooped and cheered and raised a toast to Mrs Martinez…all except Landry, who stayed in his room. He was spending more and more time in there lately. Matthew was worried about him: stress seemed to be taking it’s toll, but when Matthew tried to ask him, Landry just brushed it off.

Ines ended Mrs Martinez’s treatment and she went a full week without any regression. Dr Ramsey authorised her official discharge.

“Wait, that’s it?” Sienna gasped. “Nine years and we just kick her out the door?”

“That’s the job, Dr Trinh. Although…” Ethan suddenly smiled. “I suppose some of the staff would like to wish her well.”

“How about a leaving party? We can set it up in the cafeteria for a few hours for people to come and go?”

Ethan chuckled. Not even he was immune to Sienna’s sweetness.

“Alright then. But don’t spend all day setting up.”

Half an hour later, Matthew stopped by Mrs Martinez’s room. She was sitting on her bed – in street clothes for the first time in years – reading a French to English dictionary.

“I know you’re eager to get going but what do you say we go the long way round, for old time’s sake?”

“Only for you, Dr Valentine!”

She took his arm and they walked down corridor, her pace already much faster than before. As they walked, she told him about the time she had switched the salt and sugar just in time for Dr Mirani’s coffee break, something Matthew would have paid good money to see. He opened the door to the cafeteria and they were greeted with a huge cheer.

“SURPRISE!”

Matthew grinned as he took in the scene. A surprisingly large number of doctors were gathered: his friends and other interns, Rafael and other paramedics, Dr Mirani (stoic as ever), Dr Delarosa, Dr Tanaka, Dr Ramsey, Chief Emery, and more attendings whose names Matthew didn’t know. The cafeteria itself had been decorated with streamers, confetti and a few balloons. It looked like a party hurricane had swept through the room, but that was what happened when you planned a party in half an hour.

“Surprise, Mrs Martinez,” Matthew said, happily. “We’re so happy to see you healthy enough to leave.”

“Oh my…” Mrs Martinez’s eyes shimmered as she gazed around. “This is simply…from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

She was quickly swallowed up by the crowd, laughing with the seniors and chatting with the interns. Rafael caught up with Matthew immediately.

“Hey you,” he said cheerfully ,lightly touching his elbow. “What’s this about? We just got told Mrs Martinez was leaving and there was a goodbye party in the cafeteria.”

“She’s been cured,” Matthew said. Rafael’s eyes went wide.

“No way! That’s incredible! She’s been here for so long…how?”

“Modern medicine, I guess,” Matthew smiled. He planned to tell Rafael, but not in the hospital.

“Hey guys,” Sienna said, bouncing over. “What do you think of the decorations?”

“It’s fantastic! How did you put it together so quickly?”

“Dr Ramsey paged everyone – apparently loads of people wanted to say goodbye – and apparently the peds ward always has party supplies.”

“Yeah, apparently they like to make an effort for kids birthdays,” Rafael nodded. “Wait until Christmas. They put this huge tree up in the atrium and there’s tinsel and fairy lights in the corridors. I’ve heard they go all-out decorating the peds ward, and Dr Mirani dresses as Santa to visit the kids on Christmas Eve.”

“Wait…Dr Mirani?”

Matthew and Sienna looked equally confused as they glanced back at Zaid, still wearing a poker face as Ines chatted with Mrs Martinez.

“Are you sure?” Sienna asked doubtfully. Rafael shrugged.

“I’ve never seen it for myself, but I’m sure I’ve heard Dr Mirani.” He looked over at Zaid and had to admit it didn’t quite add up. “Maybe I misheard.”

“It sounds amazing though. I might have to drop by peds at Christmas. Ooh, I’m excited now!”

As the three of them chatted, Dr Ramsey brushed past, looking at Matthew significantly. There was no room for Matthew to pretend he didn’t understand what he meant. He quietly excused himself and approached Dr Ramsey warily. He was looking at Mrs Martinez, who was telling Aurora about how she had got engaged: she had said ‘carry me’ but he misheard and thought she said ‘marry me’. Still, she saw no reason to correct him.

“I haven’t seen Teresa smile this easily in a long time,” Ethan murmured. Then he remembered where he was and turned to Matthew, sternly. “And, Rookie, don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

“About?” Matthew gulped.

“The day of Declan’s meeting.” Ramsey looked straight into Matthew’s core. “I know you had a hand in this somehow. Perhaps one day you’ll be so kind as to clue me in.”

“One day…” Matthew knew Ramsey would never forget.

Still, Matthew was free for the moment. He rejoined his friends as Ethan wondered into the crowd. Sienna told them about her sister, who had just opened a hair salon in Springfield. Rafael didn’t have any siblings, but he had a lot of cousins close in age in Boston and Brazil. Some of them now had small children. Matthew talked a little about Casey: she had enjoyed history and he liked to think she might have grown up to be an museum curator, or delving into archaeology.

“Hey guys.” Their other friends, except Landry who hadn’t shown up to the party, had joined them. “We want to get Mrs Martinez a going-away present. You wanna come?”

“Hell yeah!”

The six of them raced down to the hospital gift shop where they examined various hats and bags, maps of the world, and a lot of pens and notebooks. They settled on a journal with scarlet binding and plain, marbled pages.

“She could write about so many adventures, and stick all her photos in it!” Sienna said. Matthew agreed. Sienna was so excitable, and he realised she hadn’t been so energetic in weeks. He had been too caught up with Kyra and Mrs Martinez. He felt guilty and resolved to talk to Sienna properly that night.

They presented the journal to Mrs Martinez when they rejoined the party. She was delighted.

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” she smiled, turning the pages. “I can’t wait to fill it all in.”

“Damn, we didn’t get a pen with it,” Jackie realised, but Bryce just smirked.

“Have something very personal from me, Mrs M,” he said, flourishing his own pen.

Mrs Martinez laughed as she graciously accepted the pen.

“I can’t help wishing you started at Edenbrook earlier. I won’t forget you coming to keep me company. I’ll send you all postcards!”

Her excitement rubbed off on the group and soon they were all speculating about the adventures she might have. Of course, Paris was her first stop. She would turn back for her next-most desired destinations, Argentina and Brazil (“say hi to my cousins!” Rafael joked), then England, Spain and Italy. Her next steps would be planned later.

“My daughter’s always wanted to visit Japan, it would be nice to do that together,” she said.

“They must be thrilled that you’re out of hospital?” Elijah asked.

“They are, but they’re worried about me. I suppose it came as a shock. They don’t understand medicine as much as you doctors do,” she said, conspiratorially.

A few minutes later, Chief Emery gathered the doctors around for a toast. She recalled her own residency days when Mrs Martinez first arrived at Edenbrook. She was clearly heartbroken her life had turned out this way, but she refused to lose hope. When doctors came to visit her, she always invited them to sit down for a minute, hoarding cafeteria snacks and doling them out to the tired staff. She quickly became, as Harper put it, the heart and soul of Edenbrook. Ethan stood beside Harper, nodding in agreement.

Ines looked like she might cry as she described Mrs Martinez as a ray of sunshine in her life. Zaid admitted he would treasure his memories of Mrs Martinez, including his spiked coffee. Bryce appreciated how Mrs Martinez could always cheer someone up with a joke. Jackie promised she would cause as much trouble as Mrs Martinez, if not more. When it was Matthew’s turn, he raised his cup and toasted to “her next big adventure”, his sentiments echoed by Rafael.

And finally it was time to say goodbye. A cheer went up when Chief Emery announced her cab was waiting. Mrs Martinez thanked everyone and promised she would never forget them. She was escorted out by Matthew and Rafael, who flanked her like two personal bodyguards. As they walked through the doors of the hospital, she took a deep breath and turned her face to the sun.

“You know,” she said softly. “I’ve wanted to leave for so long…but part of me will miss this awful place.”

“We’ll miss you too,” Matthew said softly. He thought of her room upstairs, already being cleaned and prepared for a new patient. The postcards had left blu-tac stains on the walls, but were now safely tucked into a suitcase. Matthew hoped the next patient would ask about the marks; Mrs Martinez deserved a long legacy.

Mrs Martinez gave Rafael a big hug goodbye, telling him she would miss their joint coffee breaks.

“You two play nicely now,” she chuckled as she pulled away. Then she looked between them thoughtfully. “You know, you’re very cute together.”

The laugh from Rafael sent flutters through Matthew’s stomach and he glanced away with a smile.

“Believe me, Ma’am, I’m well aware of my luck,” Rafael said. Matthew looked back to meet his gaze, and his cheeks warmed at his smile. He had never known such a rush.

“As long as you know, I can rest easy,” Mrs Martinez beamed as she turned to Matthew for a big hug goodbye. “This is all because of you, Matthew. I’ll send you a postcard.”

“Have the best time,” Matthew said as he gave her a squeeze.

Excitement sparkled on her face as she stepped away and picked up her suitcase.

“Look out, world! Here I come!” she proclaimed before walking to the taxi where the driver jumped out to help with the suitcase.

The young men waved cheerfully as the cab drove away into the sun. Rafael lightly rested his hand on the small of Matthew’s back, the warmth of his skin radiated through Matthew’s scrubs. Matthew turned to him with a grin.

“So…well aware of your luck, huh?”

“I’d be stupid not to be,” Rafael said as he stepped closer and inclined his head. Matthew met his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Mmm…I’m an extremely fortunate man,” Rafael whispered against Matthew’s lips as they broke apart. Matthew shivered pleasantly.

“Please. Everyone knows I’m the lucky one here.”

Rafael laughed and they started kissing again, only to quickly break apart at the sound of Rafael’s radio: there had been an accident on the highway.

“I’d better get moving!” he gasped. Matthew gave him one more very quick kiss.

“Go. You’ve got lives to save.”

Rafael smiled broadly at him before running towards the ambulance bay. Matthew watched him go. It couldn’t get better than this: a long-term patient finding a cure and pursuing a dream. The most handsome man in the world feeling lucky to have someone like him in his life. The level of happiness was almost unbelievable, and he walked back in to the hospital in a bit of a daze as a flock of birds flew overheard.

“Matthew!”

Elijah and Sienna were hanging out in the atrium.

“You did a really good thing,” Elijah said, admirably.

“You really did.” Sienna’s voice broke at the end of her sentence.

“Sienna, you’re crying! What’s wrong?”

“Oh, I’m not sad this time, it’s just that this is my first happy ending in so long…” Sienna’s pager beeped. With a resigned sigh, she walked away. She didn’t have the energy to keep up her smile.

“Damn.” Elijah sounded worried. “She’s really down.”

“Yeah,” Matthew agreed. “We need to cheer her up…”

It was hard work organising a fun day out for Sienna in the two days before their day off, but after a lot of messaging with Danny, the group piled into Landry’s car just after lunchtime on Thursday. Sienna sat in the back between Matthew and Jackie, wearing a blindfold. She had been kept in the dark, thinking she and Jackie were having a duvet day, until Matthew announced they had a surprise for her and they needed to leave the apartment in fifteen minutes.

“We’re here!” Landry announced, pulling into a small car park. Sienna giggled as she was helped out the car and down a small path, only removing the blindfold when they were inside Whiskers ‘n’ Things Pet Store.

“Ohmygod, puppies! Puppies everywhere!” Sienna gasped. A pen of yapping puppies had been set up on one side, tails wagging eagerly. On another side was a pen of tiny playful kittens. A large cage at the back housed multi-coloured birds. A sign pointed into a darkened room, advertising reptiles and rodents.

Danny stepped forward with a grin. He had a box turtle in his hands as he indicated the woman beside him.

“This is my cousin Kima. She works here and agreed that you guys could come down this afternoon and meet the animals.” He nodded at the group behind Sienna. “Thank your friends for setting it up.”

“No way!”

“You’ve been down lately. We thought you could use a break,” Matthew said gently.

“We’re not judging you or anything,” Jackie added, when Sienna’s face fell. “You’ve been saddled with the crappiest cases for months. Even I’d be bummed out.”

“You deserve a chance to relax.”

“But is this really how you guys want to spend your only day off?”

“Well, I think we might just survive,” Jackie teased. Her eyes kept darting over to the kittens. “So stop talking to us and cuddle the hundreds of animals we brought you here to see.”

Sienna gave an excited squeal and turned to Danny for a tour of the store. The others laughed and took some pictures before looking around themselves.

“Landry, your bag’s moving,” Elijah said.

Landry had put his doctor’s bag – he brought it everywhere – to one side when they came in and now it was suddenly shuffling around on the floor. He paled.

“How is…no way…tha-that’s impossible…”

He trembled as he watched it…until a fluffy, grey chinchilla popped its head out the pocket, then scampered out across the floor. Kima scooped it up, laughing along with the others. Landry practically collapsed in relief.

“Oh man, you should have seen your face!” Elijah snorted. “You thought it was a ghost!”

“Shut up!” Landry sniggered, red in the face. He picked up his bag, securing all the pockets before shouldering it again. “I was just surprised. It won’t happen again.”

About half an hour later, Elijah was outside with some store staff, playing Fetch with some of the puppies. Jackie had admired some hamsters, but mostly stuck with the cats. Landry had gone into the reptile room.

“Hey Matthew,” Kima said. “Want to feed some babies?”

She brought Matthew to a small couch and handed him some rubber gloves before bringing over a tiny newborn kitten. Matthew gasped; it was so young it was blind and was smaller than the palm of his hand. It’s fur was white, with black and orange patches, and a little pink nose.

“This is Princess, she’s five days old,” Kima said. “Hold her upright or she’ll choke…that’s it…”

Kira handed a small bottle of kitten formula to Matthew who, very carefully, guided it to Princess’s mouth. She started drinking almost on instinct.

“I feel like a father,” Matthew whispered to no-one, watching the kitten adoringly. He had missed being around animals. Taking care of the kitten almost made him wish he had become a vet.

“Matthew.” Sienna had just bounced up to him.

“Hi.” Matthew peered up at her from where he sat. “Did you know there’s a chinchilla on your head?”

Sienna giggled. The chinchilla that had got into Landry’s bag was now perched on top of her head.

“Chinchillas can be temperamental, but this one’s really affectionate! I didn’t realise how much I missed them.” She carefully lowered herself on to the couch, careful not to jostle either animal. “Thanks for organising this by the way.”

“It was a group effort.”

“You spear-headed it though, didn’t you? It’s the kind of thing you’d do.” She smiled at him and patted his knee. “You’re a good friend.”

Matthew lowered his voice.

“Have you thought anymore about your residency?”

“I still don’t know,” Sienna admitted. “I’ve tried talking to Wayne about it, but he can’t understand why I wanted to become a doctor in the first place. Oh, did you invite him here?”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think to. I can call him now if you want?”

“No that’s alright. He’d hate it anyway.”

Sienna’s eyes grew distant. Matthew felt so bad for her.

“Sienna, maybe it’s time to—”

“Hey Sienna! Want to meet a fennec fox?”

Danny was holding what looked like a small yellow dog with round, black eyes and big, pointy ears.

“Um, is that a trick question?”

Sienna suddenly jumped up and rushed over to Danny, the chinchilla clinging to her head for dear life. Matthew smiled as he carefully returned Princess to the litter, where she curled up amongst her fellow kittens. He watched as Sienna and Danny played with the fennec fox. Cupid could almost be fluttering over them.

“Sienna looks like she’s having a great time,” Elijah said as he rolled back inside.

“Do you think she might—oh!” Jackie was walking over to them when the very same chinchilla jumped on to her shoulder, taking her by surprise.

“Oh man, I love this chinchilla!” Elijah chortled.

Matthew reached over to pet it.

“You’re certainly a little troublemaker. And so very soft!”

“She’s never leaving my shoulder,” Jackie gloated. “Anyway, do you think she might ditch the deadweight and start something with Danny?” She looked over at the two of them, significantly. They certainly would have appeared to be a couple from the outside.

“I genuinely forgot to invite Wayne,” Matthew said. “But we can’t force her to do anything…no matter how much we don’t like him.”

“Wish I had your patience,” Jackie muttered, stroking the chinchilla.

They spent another hour happily playing with the animals. Sienna told Kima about the chinchillas her dad had at home…and then they were signing papers to adopt the friendly chinchilla. Matthew suggested the name ‘Spooky’ on account of how she had made Jackie and Landry jump. The others unanimously agreed…though Landry wasn’t thrilled about the reminder.

Elijah and Jackie both dozed off on the drive home. Sienna sat in the back again, between Jackie and Matthew. She held the chinchilla carrier in her lap. Spooky peered through the bars, curiously.

“Rafael just asked to see a picture,” Matthew said. “Want to be in it?”

“Sure!”

Matthew held up the phone, capturing his and Sienna’s smiling faces as Sienna turned Spooky towards the camera. Jackie was visible in the background, snoozing against the window.

“She’ll kill you if she finds out you sent that one,” Sienna giggled.

“Our secret, right?”

Matthew’s smile got bigger when he showed Sienna Rafael’s reply: ‘ADORABLE’ followed by a line of heart-eye emojis.

“Is he talking about the chinchilla or you?” Sienna teased, making Matthew blush, but they were both distracted when they realised he had an email from Mrs Martinez: she had made it to Paris.

Her email detailed the time already spent in Paris, visiting the Eiffel Tower, a boat ride down the Seine, and even through the catacombs. But of course, her first stop had been the Sacre-Coeur. She had dedicated a whole day to it, exploring every inch of the building, listening to the organ music and the choir rehearsal. A photo was attached: Mrs Martinez stood right in front of the church she had dreamed of for years, her journal in her hands, and a look of happiness never seen before on her face. Matthew read the email over and over again. This was all that mattered. The job was hard, but the good times were so very worth it.

It was only three days later when Matthew ranked number one yet again. He was owning it, walking the corridors with a big smile as a passing attending congratulated him.

“Got a minute?” Someone else asked. “I can show you a patient with a bladder the size of a grapefruit!”

“Maybe later. I’ve got labs to run,” Matthew smiled. It sounded interesting, but he hadn’t forgotten that he had been all over Aurora a few months ago.

“Hey guys,” he said, when he walked past them. He paused when he realised they were huddled solemnly in a corner. “Are you OK?”

His friends glanced at each other, then Bryce stepped forward and put a hand on Matthew’s shoulder.

“We shouldn’t talk about it here,” he said gently. “Let’s go.”

He lead Matthew and the group into an on-call room. Matthew felt slightly dissociated. Perhaps he was about to wake up from a dream.

“It’s Mrs Martinez,” Elijah said quietly.

Matthew’s hands started to shake.

“Has something happened?” he asked hoarsely.

There was a big pause. Then Bryce confirmed his fear.

“She passed away in her sleep in a hotel room in Buenos Aires.”

“Oh god,” Matthew gasped, as his vision blurred. He couldn’t take a breath as the walls seemed to sway around him. Jackie made him sit down on a bed, sitting on one side of him. Bryce sat on his other side, rubbing his back.

“Deep breaths buddy,” Bryce said gently. “It’ll be OK.”

Matthew buried his face in his hands, which then knotted into his hair.

“I feel like…oh god…this is all my fault,” Matthew gasped. He swallowed back bile that was rising in his throat.

“The hell it is,” Jackie said suddenly. She moved to kneel down in front of him and made him look at her directly. “You saw Mrs Martinez at that church. Being there meant everything to her. You gave her time to live her dream.”

They had printed off Mrs Martinez’s photo and stuck it to the fridge.

Landry had been stood at the back not saying anything, but now he suddenly scowled.

“And how exactly do you think her family are going to feel about this?!”

“I’d hope they’d be happy for her—”

“I told you you were going too far! Matthew might lose his career over this!”

The nausea rose up again in Matthew’s throat as the colour drained from his face. The room started swaying again. Bryce practically forced his head between his knees and told him to take deep breaths. Jackie started snapping back at Landry but his ears were ringing too much to hear what was being said. They started to clear as he calmed down.

“...overheard Chief Emery talking. They’re pulling up Mrs Martinez’s records and opening an investigation.”

“I should confess,” Matthew said suddenly. “I should tell Chief Emery everything—”

“No way!”

“They might kick you out the residency, and for what? What good will that do now?”

“Mrs Martinez wouldn’t want that, she was so grateful for what you did.”

Matthew stared at the floor as he took it in. It would have been so easy for his friends to back out and leave him to deal with the consequences. He wouldn’t have blamed them, but here they were.

“Alright. I won’t say anything. For now.”

The last half of his shift passed in a haze of guilt. It gnawed at his side and he couldn’t figure out if people were suspicious of him. The word of Mrs Martinez was spreading and the mood was growing sombre. Even Zaid wasn’t himself; he told Matthew to go home and enjoy his evening.

It was the last thing Matthew wanted to do, but no one would give him anymore case work and there were only so many times he could check on the same group of patients in one hour.

He could barely keep his head up as he shuffled into the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. He paused when he noticed Ethan sitting at a table, reading a book. He knew he should tell Ethan, if he hadn’t already guessed…but Rafael was sat on the other side of the room.

Matthew bit his lip. The prospect of telling Rafael had seemed so easy when Mrs Martinez was happily exploring Paris, but now she was dead and his actions didn’t seem nearly as heroic as they had before. Rafael may well be disgusted at him…and he would have every right to be.

Matthew took a deep breath as he walked to Rafael’s table.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Please.” Rafael gave him his achingly sweet smile as he pulled a chair out next to him. “My shift’s over. I’m just decompressing before I leave. I try not to bring the work home with me.”

“I know the feeling,” Matthew said. He propped his head up with his hand. Rafael frowned.

“Are you alright?”

“Did you, um, hear about Mrs Martinez?”

“I did.” Rafael looked sad. “It’s such a shame. She was so lovely.”

Matthew’s heart twisted. Rafael had to know.

“It was me. I’m the reason she died.”

And he told Rafael everything. Rafael sat back in his chair, listening intently as Matthew told him the story from meeting Declan Nash, to the news that had broken that day.

“Wow…” Rafael sighed, heavily. “That’s…a lot to process.”

Matthew couldn’t look at him. He looked at the table instead, twisting his hands in hair again.

“I was so sure I was doing the right thing but now I can’t stop thinking about her,” he said hoarsely. His words spilled out like a confessional. “I’ve second-guessed everything I’ve said to every patient today. I’m terrified of getting it wrong with someone else, or coming in tomorrow to find I’ve been kicked out the program without getting a chance to try again, and then I think about Mrs Martinez dying all alone in another country and I feel so selfish for worrying about myself--”

“Don’t do that so hard, you’ll hurt yourself,” Rafael said suddenly. Matthew was pulling his hair so much his knuckles had gone white. Rafael took hold of his hands and held them gently on the table.

“It’s OK, you’re not selfish. You’re having a perfectly normal reaction to tragedy.”

Matthew blinked. Rafael showed no sign of disgust. It was almost like it was a perfectly normal situation.

“You…don’t think I’m a terrible person?”

“You helped an old lady live her life the way she wanted. I think that was brave.” Rafael gave him the soft smile that had only been directed at Matthew. The tightness in his chest released, and he didn’t know what to say.

“Come here,” Rafael said, and pulled him into a tight hug. His arms were warm and protective and Matthew clung to him, closing his eyes as he pressed his face to Rafael’s shoulder. He wasn’t disgusted by him. He was sticking by him. Matthew started to feel that he might just be OK somehow.

“I still feel guilty about it though,” he admitted, slightly muffled. He felt safe in Rafael’s arms, he didn’t want to leave any time soon.

“That’s what happens when we can’t save someone. There isn’t a day on this job where I don’t feel the guilt.” Something in Rafael’s voice gave Matthew pause. He finally pulled away to look at him.

“You’ve been a paramedic for so long though. How do you deal with it?”

“I use it,” Rafael said. “Every day I try to do better. Because how much worse would the guilt feel if you didn’t try everything you could?” He stroked Matthew’s cheek sympathetically. “You look like you could use some decompression yourself.”

Matthew nodded weakly. Rafael got suddenly shy.

“Um…I’m not licenced or anything, but I’ve been told I’m good at giving massages.”

“Oh?”

“Well, if you want, we could find an empty room and I’ll give you a rubdown.” Rafael cleared his throat. “You can say no, I just think you need something to pick you up off the mat.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Matthew saw Ethan putting his book away and leaving the cafeteria. He groaned inwardly at the prospect of telling him. He turned back to Rafael.

“That sounds perfect.”

They found an empty patient room on the first floor and left their bags in the corner. Rafael lowered the blinds and dimmed the lights

They found an empty patient room on the first floor and left their bags in the corner. Rafael lowered the blinds and dimmed the lights whilst Matthew adjusted the bed until it was flat.

“So you’re an expert masseuse as well, huh?” he said casually. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“I’m awful at a lot of things,” Rafael chuckled. “I just don’t want you to figure it out.” He placed his hands on the radiator. “Go ahead and lie face down on the bed.”

Matthew sat on the bed and took off his scrub top.

“Oh!” Rafael spluttered. “I mean…you don’t have to…”

“I want to,” Matthew said. “Unless you don’t like it.”

“No I really like it!” Rafael blurted, then realised what he’d just said. “Um…I mean, whatever you’d prefer.”

Matthew grinned as he lay down on the bed. He was healthy enough and hit the gym or went running on occasion, but he certainly wasn’t jacked like Rafael or even Bryce. Apparently Rafael still found him very pleasing, and it boosted his ego a little.

“I know you’re this courageous action hero and all,” he said. “But you’re super-cute when you’re nervous.”

“I’m always nervous on the job,” Rafael said. “I just don’t let it stop me.” He approached the bed. “Let me know if this is too much pressure.”

His warm hands were strong but gentle as he started kneading Matthew’s shoulders and moved rhythmically across his upper back. Matthew gasped in delight, his toes curling, as Rafael ran his fingers down his spine, artfully probing the flesh on either side. Matthew was full of knots, particularly in the middle of his back.

“That’s where you carry your tension, apparently,” Rafael murmured, smoothing it out. Under his hands, Matthew flinched and squirmed…and then let out a loud moan of relief as Rafael worked his back, smoothing the pain into pleasure.

“Ooooooh myyyy gooooooooooddddd….” He moaned into the pillows and Rafael had to pause the massage to laugh.

“That’s, um, a very good sound.”

“Keep going and you’ll hear it again.”

“I sure hope so…”

Rafael resumed the massage, doing his best to focus on the task at hand, though it was very distracting with Matthew making those kinds of sounds. Rafael couldn’t figure out if he was doing it on purpose.

“So…mmm…” Matthew was saying. “When did you…aaah���learn to do this?”

“I’ve been reading up on musculature quite a bit actually,” Rafael said. “I’ve been thinking about what my life will look like when I leave the hospital.”

“Wait, what?” Matthew propped himself up on his elbows, trying to look at him. “You’re thinking about leaving the paramedic service?”

“Sssh, you’re supposed to be relaxing,” Rafael said, carefully pushing him back down on the bed and resuming the massage. “And no, it’s not like that. It’s just that there’s not much progression left in it and some of the things you see…well, it just might not be a lifelong career like medicine is for you.” Rafael was still haunted by scenes of car accidents, and the sounds of loved ones cries when they were too late. He shook his head clear. “Down the road, I was thinking about occupational therapy.”

Matthew’s eyes were closing, but now he perked up.

“You’d be a great OT!”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. You’re so kind and patient…and you sure as hell have the hands for it,” he sighed, melting into Rafael’s touch.

“I…heh…that’s flattering. It’s just an idea for now though.”

Matthew hummed absently, but he was too far gone to manage much more of a conversation. He was floating away, lulled by Rafael’s care.

Images of parachutes flickered behind his eyelids, then he realised he was lying on a bed too hard and small to be his bed at home. It took a minute to remember, and he opened his eyes to see Rafael sitting in a chair, reading a novel. He glanced up with a smile and put the book down.

“That good, huh?”

“Mmm…how long was I out?”

“About an hour. I figured you could use the rest.”

Rafael stood as Matthew sat up slowly. He stretched his back, blissfully tension-free.

“I feel like I’m walking on air,” he sighed, still sounding a little sleepy. Rafael traced his jaw with his fingers.

“Don’t move too quickly, OK?”

Matthew nodded and turned his face up to Rafael hopefully. Rafael smiled and leaned down to kiss him. Matthew slipped his hand round the back of Rafael’s neck, kissing him with gratitude, not only for the massage but for everything.

The next day started off like any other. Matthew tried to focus on the new day until an announcement came through the tannoy system: paging Dr Valentine to Chief Emery’s office.

“Oh no,” he whispered faintly.

He felt wooden as he knocked on the door of the imposing office and made his way to the seat in front of Chief Emery’s desk. She sat up straight, her face smooth and unreadable. Matthew clasped his hands in his lap.

“I’ll get to the point, Valentine,” Chief Emery said, her calm voice doing nothing to give away her mood. “The family of Teresa Martinez is suing Edenbrook Hospital.”

“Oh no, that’s awful!” Matthew wondered if he imagined the sweat on his forehead. Chief Emery was giving him a calculating look.

“’Oh no’ is right. Somehow her family is under the impression that a doctor used an unapproved medication on Mrs Martinez without hospital permission…and they say that doctor was you.”

Her eyes tightened ever so slightly as Matthew squeezed his hands together. His mouth had gone dry.

“The patient’s body is being returned from Argentina. A thorough autopsy will be conducted once it is back in the country,” Chief Emery continued. “I hope the family is wrong, Dr Valentine, but if they’re not…well, I don’t think I need to explain how serious the charges are.”

“No, Chief Emery,” Matthew said. His ears were ringing and his heartbeat felt loud enough to make the walls vibrate.

“Good,” Chief Emery said. “Keep working for now. I’ll notify you of the next step in due course.”

Matthew kept his head up as he left the office, but then fell heavily against the wall, gasping for breath. The walls spun around him. He was losing his career, he had killed someone, he didn’t know what to do, no one would be able to help him, he couldn’t incriminate his friends…

At the sound of footsteps, he looked up to see Dr Ramsey marching towards him. His eyes widened.

“Dr Ramsey, can we talk? I need your help.”

Dr Ramsey walked straight past him. Matthew struggled to his feet.

“Dr Ramsey—”

“I’ll only disappoint you, Matthew.”

That was unexpected. Matthew looked up at Dr Ramsey, whose face was grey and his eyes were bloodshot. He seemed to be staring a hundred yards ahead.

“Dr Ramsey…did something happen?”

Dr Ramsey finally paused. He turned to Matthew. He had the face of a man who had lost all hope.

“Naveen has a month to live.”

“No…no…” Matthew tried to think. There was always something to hold on to, something to work for. “Dr Ramsey, there has to be a way…”

“There is no way.” Ethan started moving again, not caring if Matthew could keep up. “I tried everything. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t save him” He reached the door at the end of the hallway, glancing back at Matthew. “There’s nothing we can do.”

And he closed the door in Matthew’s face.