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roanniom · 4 years ago

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The Night That Follows

Poe Dameron x Reader

Word Count: 8,000~

Summary: While celebrating a successful mission, you and Poe accidently ingest a mysterious beverage that makes it hard to resist one another, helping you forget the stress that weighs you down and the friendship that you’ve been holding between you two as a shield.

Note: This is my first ever non-ADCU fic and it is dedicated to the ever lovely and supportive @paper-n-ashes who urged me to get out of my comfort zone and cheered me on.

Warnings: NSFW, dirty talk, alcohol consumption, sex pollen, drugged drink (it’s drugged with the sex pollen by a 3rd party and not with malicious intent but it still might be triggering), masturbation (f/m), PIV sex, unprotected sex, war-related angst

When people talk about war, they often discuss the paralyzing fear, the numbing depression. Hopelessness that spreads through your veins like cold water as you face immeasurable odds and stare death in the face day after day. And you can attest to these feelings. You experience them with each dawn that breaks, muddy in the sky regardless of the atmosphere shrouding whatever planet you find yourself waking on each morning. Your life is transient, full of ships and bases and camps. The constants are the clothes on your back, the friends in your squadron (those who survive), and the x-wing you hop in each time danger calls.

The other constant is the part of war that people do not discuss. The rush of adrenaline every time you make it out of a tough scrape. Adrenaline that burns your veins, evaporating the icy hopelessness that had flooded you up until the minute your boots hit turf and your jellied knees catch up to the reality that you are still very much alive. The euphoria that crackles in your brain when you spy your best mate zooming down from above, finally landing and throwing themselves into your arms in the hug you never thought you’d experience again after their coms had gone down in a fire fight. The absolute debauchery of a night of celebration after such a fire fight. Because nobody needs to live quite as much as those who may die.

Which is how you find yourself here, on this non-descript jungle planet, the name of which you didn’t catch during your descent because honestly there have been so many jungle planets and they have all become little more than coordinates on a screen to you at this point. You and your squad have been set up with a mini-festival by the resistance-sympathizing locals as a thank you for your recent decimation of their First Order oppressors. The operation had been pretty seamless, thanks in no small part to the excellent teamwork between you and a one Poe Dameron.

Your flying today had rivaled some of his best, which is certainly saying something since Poe prides himself on being the best pilot in the resistance. You certainly gave him a run for his money, outflying TIE fighters and swiveling shuttle cannons in a perfectly choreographed tandem maneuver wherein the two of you manipulated your assailants to ultimately destroy themselves.

As you knock back a burning shot of the local alcoholic beverage, the liquid tingling and warming you all the way down, you search the triumphant crowd for the cocky pilot who had helped you set the stage for this celebration. You wouldn’t dwell on the earlier events of the day much more tonight. Wouldn’t think much of the comrades you’d lost in the struggle. That was an ache that would throb back to life tomorrow. Tonight, the priority is living.

It is then that you lock eyes with Poe Dameron through the throngs of semi-drunken revelers. His handsome face splits into a wide, cocky grin, so you adopt an exasperated smirk in response as he pushes his way towards you. Such is the game you play. A dance, if you will. Poe plays the role of the self-assured, overly confident golden boy while you, his long suffering partner, humble him with your good-natured criticism and ever rolling eyes.

“Alright there, Sweets?” Poe practically drawls as he reaches you, the nickname both a term of endearment and a teasing reference to the sweet tooth that keeps you hoarding candies of all kinds in your bunk, much to Poe’s own benefit. You beam up at him and upend your little glass to demonstrate its emptiness.

“On my way there, Fly Boy.”

“Looks like you’re falling behind, rookie. Like you did on that triple barrel twist today.”

You throw a punch that lands a little too lightly on his shoulder to produce the grunt and showy flail that he graces you with.

“First of all, you’re not allowed to call me rookie anymore. Your dumb ass might need to be constantly reassured that you’re ‘best pilot in the resistance,’ but by now I am, at worst, second best.” Your gut warms and you’re not sure if it’s the drink or Poe’s deep, full-bodied laugh in response. “And second of all, we don’t talk about the day if we make it to the night.”

Poe almost seems to sober at your words, a phrase of his tossed back at him. The smile remains, though, and he tosses an arm around you before dragging you over to the table that’s been set up with refreshments.

“Right you are, Sweets,” Poe agrees quietly. Louder now and injecting you two into the crowd surrounding the cluster of bottles, he continues, “as for you being second best pilot, I’d rather let the squad decide before you go getting a head too big to fit in your helmet.”

This receives a laugh from the crowd as well as another smattering of slaps thrown towards Poe’s chest.

“Dameron, we all know you already have your own helmet custom made so you can stuff that massive ego in there,” your friend Myrna.

“And those curls,” you add, reaching up and ruffling your hand through his hair in that way that always makes his nose scrunch up in mock anger.

“If you must know, there’s something else they also have to custom make me…” Poe says, grabbing your wrist and forcing your hand to slide down his chest towards the bottom of his flight suit zipper and wiggling his eyebrows. You shriek and yank your hand away.

“In your dreams, Dameron.” Poe leans down toward you so that his face is close enough for you to feel his breath fan across your cheeks.

“Or perhaps in yours?”

Suddenly a small, wrinkled face appears between you. It’s an elderly female member of the local alien race and she’s beaming up at you, holding two steaming mugs and smiling around a garbled statement in a language you don’t recognize.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m not sure I…” you interrupt her, glancing awkwardly between her massive eyes and Poe’s confused ones.

“I might be able to translate!” Myrna cries out, stumbling forward with a newly refilled glass in her hand.

“You sure that’s not just the liquor talking?” Poe asks with a chuckle. Myrna waves him off and kneels unsteadily to listen to the old woman. More garbled speech issues forward as the woman gestures between you and Poe with her mugs. Myrna nods several times and gives little hums of agreement and affirmation. You and Poe trade glances of amusement during the interaction, but you have to look away when the upturned corner of Poe’s mouth begins to distract you.

“Alright alright,” Myrna pipes up. You turn back in time to see Myrna standing back up to her full height, now holding the two mugs, while the woman waddles back into the crowd.

“What’s the deal?” Poe asks, slinging his arm back around your shoulders. You resist the knee jerk actions that come to mind, both to slap his touch away and to lean into it, standing rigid instead.

“She said these are for you,” Myrna says, pushing the steaming mugs into your hands and Poe’s.

“Did she say why?” You peer at the milky, opalescent contents curiously. Myrna has already moved on, however, turning back to the pilot she’d been hanging on before you and Poe had approached. You look to Poe but he shrugs.

“I don’t know, something about you guys deserving it.” Myrna waves her hand dismissively, obviously ready to get back to her own evening. You look up at Poe, unsure, but he’s nodding and smiling.

“Hear that, Sweets? Seems like word travels fast that we’re the top two pilots,” Poe says cheekily, clinking his mug to yours before throwing back his head and downing its contents in one gulp. Your insides ignite at his acknowledgment, as well as the bob of his adam’s apple, but your eyes still flit warily to your beverage.

“We don’t even know what it is and you’re drinking it?”

“Honey, I’m pretty sure that liquor we were taking shots of earlier was actually jet fuel, I don’t think we need to be too worried about this.” Poe smacks his lips and runs his finger around the inside of the mug. “And besides, it’s really kriffing good.”

Watching the way his cheeks hollow out as he sucks the last dregs of his drink from his finger makes a heat boil in the pit of the stomach. You decide you actually are quite thirsty, and since your curiosity is stronger than your apprehension, you knock the liquid back yourself.

“Atta girl!” Poe cheers you on, nudging you. The drink is sweet and thick on your tongue like a melted version of the ice cream you’d tasted once, many years ago. You can still remember the creamy texture, very much worth the credits paid to the traveling vendor who’d brought it to your village during the hottest summer of your childhood. As you swallow this liquid down, however, its cold temperature changes into a burn, similar to alcohol, though smoother than any liquor you’d ever had.

“Good, right?” Poe asks, eyebrows raised. You nod and lick your lips, sure that you’re imagining things when Poe’s eyes flicker down to your darting tongue.

“That was actually pretty good,” you concede with a grin.

“So what have we learned tonight?” Poe prompts, grabbing your mug from your hands and placing it next to his on a nearby table. You shake your head.

“Your cockiness extends to believing locals on a miniscule planet find you special?”

“The correct answer was ‘always give things a chance,’ Sweets, but you can continue being closeminded if you want,” Poe responds with a chuckle. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and makes to walk away.

“Fine!” You reach out and grab his arm before he can leave. When he rounds back on you with a wide smile you roll your eyes and refuse eye contact. “And just so you know, I’m a lot more open minded than you think, Dameron.”

“Is that so, rookie?” You bristle but as the glee raises in his eyes at your reaction you do your best to tamp it down.

“I’m…flexible,” you say, your grin begrudging. A hubbub breaks out beyond you in the crowd as the makeshift band that had assembled to play party music transitions to a particularly festive song, causing both you and Poe to watch as people begin forming an impromptu dance floor. When Poe turns back at you and raises his eyebrows, expectant, you throw up your hands defensively.

“No. Don’t look at me like that, Fly Boy,” you’re quick to say, but Poe’s even quicker, having already grabbed you by the hand and pulled you to him. Your body collides with his and his other hand finds the dip of your waist.

“Oh I’m sorry, what was that I just heard someone say about being open minded?” Poe asks. In a sudden fluid motion he dips you, bending you over so that your back is parallel to the ground and his face hovers over yours. “Being flexible?”

You let him pull you back up and steady yourself with a hand on his chest to catch your balance, dizzy now, most likely from the suddenness of the motion. You’re about to toss back a witty retort, possibly something that will knock him down a few pegs, but then you catch the glint in his eye and a smile spreads across your lips unbidden.

“You get one dance, Dameron.”

~*~

One dance turned into many, as it turns out. The band, upon realizing their audience’s appetite for raucous music, had begun a steady rotation of upbeat tunes. The dance floor had expanded, spilling out of its original confines in the center of the town square and into the concession areas on the perimeter. Resistance members danced and drank, their bodies jumping and moving to the beat in one chaotic mass of excess energy and euphoria. Bodies writhe against one another in all directions as people seek out friction that can confirm to them that they did indeed survive the day’s trials.

You’re experiencing friction of your own in your little portion of the dance floor. Where things had started out innocently – energetic bouncing to the beat and moving in unison – the tone had long changed. At this point Poe is behind you, arms slung dangerously low on your hips to hold you against him, hands pressed right above your pelvis. The feeling of his chest pressing against your back, his hips bracketing your ass – you’ve lost yourself in the sensations. The rhythm of the music shakes through your muscles but instead of tense and tired, they’re loose and buzzing.

Though truth be told, they aren’t the only thing buzzing. The proximity of Poe’s hands to your lower body feels charged like a magnet. Without thinking you press your hands over the backs of his, encouraging pressure on your lower abdomen. You swear you hear Poe growl behind you has his hands pull you further to him, but it could also be the roar of the crowd. Your hips move in sync, your ass grinding against him in time with the music. Escapism in its purest form is what you’re experiencing in Poe’s arms, held against Poe’s body, matching Poe’s motions. It’s heady and distracting and everything you could ask for to make living feel like living, especially in the aftermath of a day centered on death. You’re content to let this moment last as long as the universe allows.

That is until you realize that the increasing beat you’d thought was a shift in the music is actually the rapid crescendo of your own heartbeat.

Swallowing you find your throat is thick, saliva pooling in your mouth inexplicably. You take a deep breath and allow your mind to reel. How long had you been feeling like this? Why hadn’t you noticed these feelings coming on?

One of the large hands at your hip begins sliding up along the plane of your side and you get your answer. The weight of his touch lights your skin on fire as it drags up and across your collar bone. Your breath feels ragged, rattling around in lungs that can’t seem to take in oxygen no matter how high your chest rises and falls. Poe’s hand lingers on your throat for a second so you swallow again, with even less luck than before. His hand reaches up to grip your jaw which he uses to turn your head back toward him.

Oh.

Poe continues to move behind you, his motions controlling you both on the floor, but his face is strained. Sweat dots his temples, gleaming in his curls, and his teeth seem gritted, making his jaw set at a striking angle. His eyes pin you down, however, and they keep your attention as you gaze back, wide-eyed.

“You okay, rookie?” Poe’s voice is deeper than normal, huskier. The way it reverberates through your body makes a rumbling bubble up deep inside your chest. The beginnings of a moan, perhaps? You’re quick to gasp a response before such a sound has a chance to make its way into the air between you.

“I’m…feeling quite strange.”

The hand still at your waist tightens its grip while the other rejoins on the opposite side. You have to gasp again to keep from moaning. Suddenly you’re being maneuvered forward, Poe’s guidance weaving you through the crowd with ease despite the congested revelry.

Neither of you see the way Myrna is watching you both with a knowing smirk from her place draped around her own handsome pilot beau. Or the way the little old woman who’d gifted you the beverage hovers on the outskirts of the dance floor, a proud look on her wrinkled face as she eyes your retreating figures.

~*~

You’re not really able to follow where Poe is directing you, mainly because of how the imprint of his hands on your body seems to be searing into your skin through your flight suit. While your accelerated heart rate was the thing you had been most worried about, now you are equally worried about the dull ache that has seated itself in the pit of your stomach. You bite down hard on your lip to keep the moan from spilling out, the one you’ve been suppressing since the moment you became conscious to your current discomfort.

When Poe’s stride finally slows to a stop only then are you able to take in your surroundings. Blinking, you’re surprised to find that you’re now outside of the town, far from the lights and bustle of the party, walking into the silent clearing that contains the squadron’s parked aircrafts.

“Why are we all the way out here?” you ask, unsettled by how deep your voice sounds in the darkness.

“Needed to get away from the crowd.” You’re even more unsettled by how breathless Poe’s voice is as he says his first words since the dance floor. So unsettled that you turn in his arms so you can finally take in his disheveled appearance fully.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, it’s the weirdest thing. One minute everything was fine and the next…”

“You can’t catch your breath,” you finish for him and he nods gravely. Both of your chests are practically heaving, pressing into each other with each exhale. When you become aware of this, it also brings awareness of the way his chest pressed up against yours is also adding pressure to your nipples. Since when were your nipples hard? The night is balmy, a cool breeze barely able to disturb the moist warmth that settles in the jungle terrain. You feel sweat begin to collect on the back of your neck and your hairline, much like the sweat causing Poe to shine a bit in the moonlight. And yet your nipples are hard and a shudder runs through your body, nerve endings clearly ten steps ahead of you, taking in some experience to which you’d yet to catch up.

“Wait a minute, look at me,” Poe suddenly orders, his fingers wrapping around your chin to lift your face toward his. You freeze as he stares down at you, eyes widening at whatever he sees.

“What is it?” you ask, voice urgent, almost frightened.

“Your pupils are wide as planets,” he mutters, distracted fingers drawing up the side of your jaw to press to the pulse point at your throat. “Your heartbeat is out of control.”

“I haven’t been able to calm down,” you say, nodding but getting more worried by the second. “Why can’t I calm down? Are you feeling the same way?”

Poe’s mouth presses into a hard line and he turns away abruptly, head tilting down.

“Oh fuck.”

“What?” You try to pull him back toward you but he doesn’t budge.

“I think…we’ve been drugged.”

Your blood runs cold and a hand flies to cover your mouth. You’d known tonight was too good to be true. Your mind races, making connections out of thin air, trying to place when and where you could have possibly come in close enough proximity to First Order agents to be compromised.

“But what – how – what can we do? What is it? Is it deadly?” You’re cut off by a sound issuing from Poe’s now curved body. You wonder at first if it’s a sob, which makes sense because you’re about ready to cry yourself. But then you realize it’s a chuckle.

“I wouldn’t say deadly. Just exceedingly inconvenient.”

“So you know what it is then?” you prompt, tugging at his shoulder some more to try and see his face. “Tell me!”

“Well for starters I’m pretty sure it was that drink the old woman gave us.”

Fuck.

Of course. What was the one suspicious thing you’d ingested all day? The fact that you hadn’t thought about it sooner makes you want to kick yourself, but you press on instead, anxious to have the matter dealt with.

“What does it do?” You hate the tremor that colors your voice. At that Poe finally turns around and you take him in all at once, trying to assess what he could have been hiding. His tall, wide-legged stance makes it easy to notice after a few seconds. As your gaze moves lower on his body you finally see the massive tent forming below the zipper line of his flight suit.

Without even being able to mentally process what you’re looking at your body responds immediately. A rush of warmth and wetness floods the apex of your thighs and the moan that you’d so far been able to hold in finally makes it way out of your throat. Poe’s eyes, which had recently gone hooded, widen in response to the lewd sound. You clap a hand over your mouth and snap your eyes back up to his face, away from the rigid shape that had made the muscles inside you contract wantonly around nothing.

“It’s made from a plant that’s meant to accelerate sex drive,” Poe says matter-of-factly.

You almost don’t hear him because your eyes have already slid back down his body, feasting on the sight of his impressive bulge. You’d heard stories of Poe’s sexual prowess, many from the man’s own loud mouth. You knew he’d satisfied many members of the Resistance, male and female alike. But you had never truly let yourself consider what he’d be like. What he’d look like. What he’d feel like…

“Why would she possibly give that to us of all people?” You feel like you’re going to cry. The feelings coursing through your body are overwhelming.

“Maybe she went around spiking many people at the party. Maybe she just thought you and I would look hot together? You can’t blame her for that one.” Poe winks at you and it diffuses some of your angst. You let out a tense laugh and shake your head.

“How do we make it stop?” you force yourself to ask, just as you force yourself yet again to look back up in his eyes. Poe averts his own, a sheepish look overtaking his face. When he doesn’t answer you step forward and grab his arm in alarm, trying not to consider the way his bicep bulges under his sleeve. “Poe?!”

“We have to…take care of it.”

You’re launching yourself away from him before he can finish the sentence. You probably knew the answer before you’d even asked the question, but his words still sent electricity through your spine.

“We can’t. That’s…that’s crazy – you’re crazy, Dameron!”

“Hey, you think I like this? Standing here like an idiot with my dick so hard I can barely see straight?”

The sexual nature of his words, spoken so plainly and without euphemism for the first time, makes a new wave of wetness pool between your legs against your will.

“Don’t….talk about it,” you say through gritted teeth, closing your eyes in an attempt to center yourself.

“What? Don’t talk about my aching cock?” he asks, almost as a challenge. He’s frustrated now, egged on by your attitude.

“Stop it.”

“Are you about to tell me you aren’t wet right now?”

You turn your back on him in a childish and fruitless attempt at blocking out his words. When you don’t reply you hear his footsteps as he approaches from behind.

“If we’re both having the same reaction, and I’m certain we are, then I’d imagine you’re practically dripping right now.”

His words would have made your eyes cross if you didn’t have them shut so tightly. A hand molds around your hip while the other grasps at the side of your neck, both working in tandem to pull your back flush against his front. The impact, though gentle, knocks the wind out of you. Or whatever wind had been in you in the first place. His lips are at your ear then and you melt into his touch.

“If we take care of this together we’ll go back to normal.”

“…back to normal?” you ask, simply repeating and not really aware of your words.

“Exactly.”

“I…I don’t know.” Poe’s hardened length is pressing into your ass now, insistent and firm behind you. The hand on your hip migrates lower to pull you against him. A swivel of his hips causes your own to follow the momentum, gyrating in their own right.

“We can be quick,” Poe coos, his voice vibrating over your earlobe where his lips are making contact with your skin. Another low chuckle sounds. “Or I can take my time if you want. Either way, I can promise you’ll enjoy it.”

There’s your cocky Fly Boy.

You wrench yourself from his grasp and take a few steadying steps away before gaining the wherewithal to turn back and face him once more. He looks supremely disappointed, arms still outstretched in the place where you had just been.

“Does this really have to be a…team effort?” you ask, face screwed up with discomfort. Poe runs a hand through his hair and casts a distracted glance about your surroundings.

“I mean I guess theoretically one could take care of themselves – ”

“Great!” you cut him off and stalk around to the other side of his x-wing. Of course he’d brought you to his ship. You look around for your own but when you can’t find it you plop yourself down on the ground.

“Are you kriffing serious?” comes Poe’s angry voice behind you as he stomps over. “We could bang this out and feel better but you’re just going to – ”

“Oh ‘bang’ this out? Real nice, Dameron.”

“You know what I mean.” You can practically hear his eye roll.

“The other side,” you say simply, lowering the zipper on your flight suit. When you don’t hear the sound of his retreating footsteps, however, you pause. “Stay on the other side of the ship, Dameron.”

He grumbles but does as you say. When you finally hear the sound of him throwing himself to the ground, you lift the tab of your zipper again. However, the loud and sudden ziiiip indicating that he’s yanked open his own garment seems ring out then in the clearing and you’re inundated with mental images of what that must look like. Poe sprawled on the ground with his flight suit open and askew. You imagine the expanse of his chest, the way the muscle would ripple in the shadows of the jungle. You’d seen him without a shirt before, the arms of his flight suit tied at his waist as he reclined beneath his x-wing making repairs. Covered in sweat and grease. The memory and the subsequent lurid thoughts have you dipping your hand down into the small opening you’ve made in your clothes, not fully comfortable enough to expose yourself entirely to the elements. When you reach the place between your thighs you have to swallow the gasp that bursts forth at the realization that Poe had been right. You’re not just wet. You’re dripping.

“Fuck.”

You think you say it quietly but a chuckle from the other side of the ship proves otherwise.

“Need any help over there?”

You ignore him and try to focus in on your own body, closing your eyes. You allow a hand to ghost over your breast as you ease a finger through your folds. You feel the insistent thrumming of your pulse even down below and your breath is shallow in your chest. The images dancing behind your eyelids show you flashes, glimpses of things you try to banish from your mind. The angle of Poe’s jaw. His faint, ever present stubble. The arch of his eyebrow. The curve of his smirk. His ass in those pants.

“Sweets…”

Poe’s voice interrupts a whimper you hadn’t even realized you were releasing.

“Poe.” Your voice is small and it cracks around his name. Your muscles are contracting but nothing you do eases the sensation. It just continues building within you. “It hurts.”

“Just come over here. I don’t even have to touch you. Just let me help you through it.”

You ponder the darkness before you, the way it envelops the other aircrafts in this makeshift parking zone. You hear a shick shick shick behind you and your cunt aches. Completely in response to the siren call of Poe Dameron’s building pleasure. You’re immediately intensely jealous. Jealous of the way that, you assumed, he was having more luck getting himself off than you were, despite the fingers inside you right now. Jealous of the way his voice didn’t crack when he beckoned you over.

But most of all jealous of the fact that he’s the one currently touching his hard cock. Not you.

You will yourself to stand up, pulling your hand out of your flight suit but not bothering to zip it back up. On jelly legs you make your way to the other side of the ship. The far side, facing away from the town square and the distant glow of the party you’ve now forgotten.

As you round the edge of the x-wing you bite your lip at the sight before you. Poe is indeed sprawled out with his suit zipped all the way down. His thick member protrudes from the bottom of the opening, a fist moving up and down rapidly, pulling from root to flushed tip in skilled motions. However the eyes that gaze up at you from under his unruly mop of curly hair are not doused with pleasure and satisfaction as you’d imagined. Instead he looks pained, almost agonized. At the sight of you he sits up a bit and does his best to give you a reassuring smile though it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful, rookie.”

“That’s the drink talking,” you dismiss, despite the way your stomach swoops as you move to settle yourself down next to him, careful not to make contact. “And you know I hate you calling me rookie.”

“I’ll call you anything you want, baby, as long as you start touching yourself.”

Your cunt pulses at his words so suddenly that you almost double over. Your breathing, already ragged, speeds up as you feel the overwhelming urge to have something deep inside you. Dropping your hand into the opening in your suit you halt, however, watching Poe warily in your peripheral vision. He catches you looking and reluctantly stills the hand moving on member.

“Would sitting back to back help?” he sighs. You nod, scrambling over so that your back is to his.

This is better. This is much better, you think as you dip your hand back between your legs and into the waiting slick. You drag a finger in tight circles over your clit and do your best to calm the racing thoughts that flit back to images of Poe’s body.

The body that is currently pressed to yours, though not at all in the manner you would prefer.

Poe grunts then, making you lose your rhythm.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve wanted you, you know.”

You cut your answering gasp off at the source, not daring to make a sound lest it interrupt this information that you desperately needed to here. He interprets your silence correctly and continues.

“I’ve thought about you. When I’m in the cockpit on my way to some distant planet. When not even hyper speed can get me there quick enough before thoughts of you creep in.” He almost sounds mad, but you get it. The emotions coursing through your body along with the hormones are driving you wild and you don’t know how to feel.

“What…what are the thoughts about?” you can’t help but ask.

“I’d love to say it’s your smile or your brains or something sweet like that. And I do think about those things too, don’t get me wrong,” he says on a hoarse chuckle. “But it’s mainly your body.”

You slip a third finger inside your cunt as he says this, his words and the feeling mixing to cause you to let out an unchecked moan. You feel Poe’s body shudder against you.

“Shit Sweets you’re killing me.” You feel him tense as his hand begins moving faster. “I think about how you look poured into that flight suit. The way your tits and ass jiggle when you hop into your x-wing – fuck.” Another shudder wracks through his body and you can’t take it anymore. The way you’re touching yourself isn’t the way you usually do it. Not in those rare moments where you’ve got the sleeping quarters to yourself and you’re able to get yourself off in your bunk to images of a chiseled jawline, a clothed bulge, rippling muscles, soft, curly hair…

You abruptly pitch yourself forward to balance yourself on your knees and one hand while the remaining hand redoubles its efforts between your legs. The shift in position ends your physical contact with Poe and he swivels to see.

“What are you – ”

“Don’t turn around,” you gasp out. Your new angle works in your favor as your swollen clit becomes more sensitive, pulled down by gravity so that every swipe of your finger becomes more potent. “But for the love of gods, don’t stop talking.”

Poe is taken aback by your sudden forwardness, but he doesn’t let it faze him for long. Instead you hear his renewed efforts at jerking off as the sound of skin swiping across skin, made smoother by spit and precum, gets louder behind you.

“What do you want me to talk about? How much I wish it was your tight little pussy I was fucking instead of my fist?”

The whimper you release at that statement is unlike any sound you’ve ever made and it only spurs Poe on.

“And I just know you’re tight. I know it. And wet too, just like I guessed you were. I can hear it, baby,” he practically growls and you become intensely away of the slick, creamy sounds coming from the rapid in and out, in and out rhythm of your fingers delving into your cunt. “You’re dripping, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” You close your eyes and hear his words and wish the fingers inside you were harder, thicker, him.

“You wish it was my cock inside you, I know you do. You don’t want to admit it but you wish I was pounding into you, making you feel good. Making the ache go away.”

Your answering whine confirms his beliefs and he lets out a triumphant grunt.

“Fuck, baby. I want it, too. Bury myself deep inside of you and fuck you till that drink wears off and you’re still screaming for me, that’s how good it would be.”

“Oh gods.”

“Tell me who you’re wet for.”

“Y-you.” It comes out small. You’re shocked that you even say it, especially with how much you’ve been fighting all of this. You want it. You want it in your bones and in your blood and in your tight, spasming cunt. But you also want Poe’s friendship. Want him to tousle your hair on the way to the hanger. Want him to keep sending you funny messages over your data pad, constantly trying to outdo your own silly riddles and jokes. Want to tease him and eat dinner with him in the mess hall and slap him when he says something stupid and yell at him when he does something dangerous and cry when he doesn’t come back on time from a mission…

A sob finds its way out of your body, sandwiched between two moans. You’re not sure Poe even heard it until his voice reaches your ears again, this time gentler.

“Sweets? Is this working for you?”

You take a shuddering breath before answering.

“No.”

You practically hear Poe slump in defeat, the rhythm of his hand on his length slowing down. You bite your lip before continuing.

“Take me, Poe.”

“What?” Poe whirls around so fast you feel the air woosh over you as he disturbs it. You jump to your feet, still facing away from him and yank your flight suit over your shoulders and down your body, stepping out so it pools on the ground. He watches as you get back down on your hands and knees before him in your underwear, ass in the air, waiting for him to catch up.

“I need you, Poe. Just…just please get inside me,” you say, reaching back to pull the damp fabric of your panties aside, exposing your glistening, swollen folds for him to see.

You don’t have to ask him a third time. He’s on you so fast that you’re confused by his motions. It takes a few seconds before you realize that he’s taken your discarded flight suit and stretched it out on the ground, positioning you over it so that your hands and knees are protected from the dirt. The sweetness of this considerate action is offset by the way his fingers dig harshly into your hips, maneuvering your ass so that it lines up with his pelvis. You tilt forward, aided by pressure on your lower back which raises your click cunt to the level of his cock.

“I’m going to make you feel so good – ”

“No more words, Dameron. Just shut up and get your cock inside – FUCK.” He spears you mid-sentence and you immediately fall down onto your elbows. Your ass still in the air, held in place by his hard grip, receives a smack and you cry out, feeling no pain. Only pleasure as the sting ripples through you and into your clenching cunt. He feels it deep inside you and groans.

“Maybe you’re the one who needs to shut up, baby.” His words issue forth from gritted teeth. “Always fucking teasing me with that fucking mouth.” His hips rut into yours, taking up an unforgiving pace, while the rest of his body folds over yours so his chest pressed flush to your back. One hand closes tightly around your chin, wrenching up your head and dragging a finger over your bottom lip which has grown plump from biting. “This beautiful, bossy fucking mouth. Always telling me off, telling me what to do.”

Your tongue darts out to meet his skin and his other fingers caress your chin in response. It’s a stark contrast to the almost feral way he is still clutching your hip and driving into you over and over.

There’s almost no resistance. You’re tight, cunt clutching onto his throbbing cock in an effort to keep him buried inside, but you’re wetter than you’ve ever been and it’s making his thrusts effortless. You assume it’s a side effect of the drink. But in some part of your brain you can’t believe that a plant could possibly make a man’s cock feel as good as Poe’s does right now inside you. How a plant could cause you to feel pleasure that is not simply rooted in the way his hand drags down from your jaw to wrench your breasts out of the cups of your bra. How a plant could in any way magnify the surely already intoxicating feeling of Poe’s mouth working at the side of your neck, the curve of your shoulder.

“This working, baby? This doing it?” Poe checks in then, not relenting in his thrusts. Never relenting. “You’re squeezing me, so I know your little pussy likes it.”

A shuddering gasp kicks through you before you can answer his question and he laughs. The vibrations go straight from his cock to your clit and you whimper some more.

“Your sounds. I want to record these little sounds you’re making and play them back when I’m flying. Have you fill the space in my x-wing till I can’t take it any more.” Poe presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder, nipping and then laving the skin over with his tongue. “I’m going to hear these sounds in my dreams.”

“It’s…just…the drink,” you practically hiccup, barely able to form thoughts from the way your body has focused all energy, all recognitions of nerve endings to the space between your thighs. Poe slaps your ass again and you keen.

“Just listen to yourself, baby. No drink is making you sound this hot. That’s all you, Sweets.”

Before you can argue further you do take a second to listen. To the way your shallow breaths mix with whimpers and whines. The gurgle in the back of your throat when his cock bounces against your cervix. He’s right. It is hot. You are hot. You reach a hand down to your clit, desperate to increase the already mind-blowing stimulation, greedy for more.

“You feel so good. You’re sosososogood,” you barely manage to slur. Despite your inability to fully speak you make the attempt because you assume that if hearing your gasps is egging him on, your words will amplify it. And amplify it they do. Poe’s hips stutter for a second before he drops down heavier on you, thrusting deeper and from a more primal place. A hand savagely kneads at one of your breasts, playing with the nipple.

“I’ve never been this full. I can’t take it, I can’t…”

“Seems like you’re taking it pretty well, baby,” Poe coos, pressing more kisses to the side of your neck.

“I need m-more,” you gasp, realizing with urgency that the pressure in your core is finally building past the plateau of the last…hour? Half an hour? How long had this been going on? All night? It doesn’t matter because Poe’s inside you and he’s listening to you and suddenly you’re being slammed into with all the force he can muster. He expertly wrings pleasure from your body and you feel yourself careening toward a release that you can’t describe. Just out of reach and full of all the potential energy inherent in an object rocketing toward the moon only to soon plummet back to the depths.

“Poe! I…I…oh fuck…oh gods…I…”

“Go on, baby. Cum.”

“You ha- ahhhh. But you…y-you…” You’re babbling. You’re incoherent, not wanting to leave him behind in the blinding ache that comes before release. Your hands are fisting in the flight suit below you, desperate for something solid, something substantial to hold onto.

“Don’t wait for me, Sweets. Let go.”

And then his hands are closing over yours, fingers interlacing and squeezing down, pinning you to the ground with white knuckles that would hurt if you weren’t squeezing him right back, finally grounded in the way you needed.

And you’re cumming.

And cumming.

You feel every muscle in your body seize and spasm and bliss roils out through you in waves. You shake and stutter under him, feeling fresh wetness gush down around his cock as he fucks you through the feeling. You keep waiting for it to stop but it doesn’t, it only intensifies. It must be a side effect. Of the drink not the man. But when you feel yourself transcending the moment, the way your soul feels like it is literally floating above you, you use the out of body experience to take in the man who is causing this pleasure. The way he cages you in, bracing you through the storm of your orgasm, giving more and more to keep the flame burning as long as possible.

His muscles ultimately seize sometime around when your soul seems to sink back into your body and you’re one again enough with your senses that you can feel him paint your walls with sticky, hot cum. He doesn’t drop his weight on you like other men have after the completion of such exertions. Other men who had focused more on the destination than the journey, leaving you as wanting for release as you were wanting for air under the pressure of their body weight. Instead, Poe pulls you of you and flops to his back in the grass beside you. Without him holding you up you crumble down, face pressing into the fabric of your rumpled flight suit instead of the dirt, thanks to Poe.

A few minutes pass, silent except for the sound of your slowing gasps for air. When your breathing evens Poe sits up on his haunches to guide you back into your flight suit. You’re sticky from sweat and your combined cum, but you couldn’t care less with your bones liquified and your eyelids heavy. Gone is the buzzing ache, in its place a heavy sleepiness. When Poe lays you, now clothed, gingerly back down on the ground you automatically curl into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around your body.

Neither of you shares another word. You don’t have to.

Because shortly after you doze off. And for the first time in a long time your final thoughts before sleep overtakes you are not of the dread the morning will bring, but the solace you found in the night.

~*~

When you wake it’s to a dawn as grey as all the ones before it. Hazy with receding fog and with the promise of all the danger that looms ahead in the hours soon to follow. One of the planet’s suns has already breached the horizon, and you raise a hand to cover your eyes as you peer out from under the x-wing’s protective wing. Looking down you take stock.

Your flight suit is on but fully unzipped, leaving your chest and stomach entirely exposed, all the way down to your lower belly. A large hand covers one of your breasts, fingers twitching against your flesh as the man attached to it continues to dream. You follow the length of his arm to take in his body, tucked close into your own, equally unzipped, his broad torso showing through the gaping fabric. You watch Poe’s abdominal muscles contract with his inhales and exhales for a moment while you check in with your body.

The humming from last night is gone, that much is for certain. This makes you believe that the effects of the drink have worn off. You’re quick to question this hypothesis, however, when Poe stirs in his sleep and his hand squeezes down a bit on your breast. Your breath catches in your throat and fire shoots through your veins. A lingering symptom, you wonder. Or perhaps just a normal, biological reaction to sexual stimuli. You kick yourself mentally because of course it has to be the latter. It couldn’t be the third option which you won’t even allow yourself to fully consider.

You require a shower urgently, it occurs to you suddenly. And food, a realization that coincides with a rumbling in your empty stomach. Knowing you’ll never have a good enough excuse to extricate yourself from this gorgeous man’s arms you steel your nerves and pull away. When you stand, Poe groans and allows an eye to crack open, his hand flying up to shield his eyes from the rising sun. You’re silhouetted against the dawn and he takes in your outline. The curves of you.

“Morning, Sweets,” he says, voice hoarse with sleep this time instead of sex.

“Morning, Fly Boy,” you reply simply with a small smile. You feel a buzzing in the pocket of your suit then and pull out your mini com unit, even more portable than your usual data pad. The message that blares across the screen and you relay it before Poe can reach his own device which had similarly vibrated.

“We’ve got a new mission. Briefing is in an hour and then we take off.” The information feels stilted as it leaves your lips. How can you feel so entirely, earth-shatteringly changed and yet in many ways everything is still the same. The sun still came up. The war still rages on.

You look down at Poe and his intense expression as he watches you makes you think that he’s wondering the same thing.

Your heart thumps in your chest, this time unaided by any drugged drink or the eyes or hands of a man whose existence seemed both your making and undoing. Routine is the only thing that can calm these nerves. Routine is what is required to survive war. Routine and protocol and boundaries.

You zip up your flight suit with finality.

“See you at the briefing?” you ask, though its more statement than question.

“Of course.” Poe’s response is quiet as he continues to watch you from his reclining position. You’re still above him and at a distance, a position he often associates with you.

You smile and give him a good natured salute before turning and making you way back toward the town where you know the rest of the Resistance members are already bustling about and preparing for the day.

Another day you hope you, and Poe, will be lucky enough to outlive.

~*~

Doing a smaller taglist since it’s a Poe fic and I’m not sure if everyone on my usual taglist is into it (Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed for future work!): @paper-n-ashes @mariesackler @tlcwrites @foxilayde @mylifeisactuallyamess @sacklerscumrag @jynzandtonic @millenialcatlady @barbers-glimmerin-darlin @hopeamarsu @direnightshade @leather-flannel-liquor @fizzywoohoo @aliveandlonely @wayward-rose @safarigirlsp @emeraldsiren20 @finn-ray-nal-beads @maryforyou @maybe-your-left

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goldenfharry · 3 years ago

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To those blaming Harry saying he was okay with her neglecting HER kids. If the leech tries to play the victim and says Harry manipulated her into leaving her family for him and told her to follow him around the world, Harry didn't hold a gun to her head forcing her to leave Jason and her kids. It wasn't as if her life was on the line if she didn't leave them for Harry. It wasn't as if her fiance and kids life was on the line if she didn't leave them and agreed to be with him to protect them. With the way some people are blaming Harry, you would think he threatened to go after her and her family by making him look so desperate to be with her. By making him look so desperate to sleep with his director. Have you guys forgotten this is Harry Styles we're talking about. He would never risk tainting his image for a quick hookup with his boss. People only believe he likes older women because that's the way he's been portrayed in the media. A womaniser who only has eyes for middle aged women.

But you know what? I've loved Harry (and I still do love him so much) since he was on x factor. I've seen all the shit he's had to go through since day one. Sure I don't know what went on behind closed doors but I've seen the way he's been treated by the media and his previous management team. I've seen the amount of fake stories people made up online about hooking up with him or dating him just for clout. I've seen the times he looked bothered whenever interviewers would try to be nosy about his personal life and kept asking questions about his dating / sex life but was too kind to tell them to shut up. I've seen the times he's truly been happy. I've seen his REAL smile which I have yet to see when he's with the leech. I don't believe the "he fucked his director for the role" or "they hooked up on set and fell in love" bullshit. He definitely was not the reason the leech abandoned the family that loved her for him. He signed the stunt contract to promote the film and the contract was meant to last until spring 2021. Of course the leech continued to keep following him around like a dog after that and maniupulated HIM to extend the contract. Yes Harry was stupid for agreeing to stunt with a woman who has kids in the first place and he got himself into this mess. But didn't it occur to anyone that maybe it's HER the one that's making him go along with the stunt for this long. Maybe she blackmailed him by telling him that if he doesn't contine playing along, she will make up fake accusations against him. At the end of the day she did start those drug rumours which Anne then had to follow her after to calm the leech down. Why do some people think it's only possible for men to manipulate and blackmail women yet don't stop to think that maybe it's the men who are actually being manipulated? Trust me, men can also be intimidated by women. I know it because I've seen my uncle in a similar situation with his wife. They've been married for over a decade now and he still feels intimidated by her. Why he's still with her I'll never know. But yes I've seen how depressed and stressed out Harry looked everytime he was with her. Not once have I seen that guy smile around her. Apart from the (staged) yatch pics. Over 50 pap pics from last month and not a single where he looks happy at all. Over 100 videos from Coachella of them two and again, not a single one where he's smiling or looks happy to be her. Especially in the videos where he's "holding" her while the leech looks smug. He is definitely being manipulated by the leech and the truth will come out. We'll see who defends her then.

After all the twat is friends with Amber Heard and we all know her history with a certain middle aged man.

#freeHarry

This is so controversial to be honest, there are so many opinions about it, so I'm just gonna post this and stay neutral! 😅

I'm so sorry for your uncle though, men can definitely suffer as well, hope his situation gets better. No man or woman should go through intimidation in their lives, specially from the person that they share their life with. 💛

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years ago

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YOOOO i absolutely screamed when you said Esme could have ended up with Edward! Then i was like... they might be onto something. Could you talk more about what that would look like? Would Esme have ended up with someone else in the fam and have it be less weird? Personally i think maybe Esme and Jasper could work. Esme is quite literally the goodness and beacon of hope Jasper thinks Alice is, minus the manipulation (well intended or not). BUT Esme would also do anything it took to keep her family together, she and Jasper were actually on the same side in the MS vote. Also I gotta say it... what if Esme was just really into hot blondes and not particularly Carlisle himself lol. Whatre your thoughts on Esme + pairings? Or Esme being not her canon self?

The post anon is referring to.

Well, from your first question you're asking what it'd look like for her to end up with Edward but the rest is clearly pointing towards discussing Esme and Jasper.

So, I'm going to ignore that bit for now (there's another ask on that anyway).

Could Esme Have Ended Up With Someone Else in the Family?

No, I don't think that'd work out.

First, when she's turned, it's just Edward and Carlisle. There are no other options there. Given who Esme is I... don't think she'd wait around too long single.

More, with Carlisle, it was such a perfect scenario. This man she'd idealized for years rescues her, resurrects her, and is as beautiful and kind as she remembers. And she, too, is now beautiful.

Instantly she's head over heels. I don't think her eye would wander elsewhere easily.

To do that... Carlisle would have to never realize she was interested. Which, given that Edward has to tell him, is entirely possible. Edward could decide that Esme marrying Carlisle is a threat, rather than everything he ever wanted, he doesn't want Carlisle taken away by some woman.

Of course, in that scenario, Edward is not Esme's doting son, their relationship is a complete catastrophe, and Esme's life is probably utterly miserable living with this oblivious perfect man and his terrifying son.

Edward would probably force her to leave and delay his murder eating adventures a few years. Of course, then Rosalie happens, and Edward in this universe likely straight up murders her. STOP TURNING PEOPLE, CARLISLE! AREN'T I ENOUGH FOR YOOOOOOOOU?!

Point being though, in canon, so much of Esme's interest in Carlisle defines her life. It defines her role in the Cullens once she's turned. It defines her human life as she pines after Carlisle and, presumably, turns down many marriage candidates before getting stuck with Charles.

An Esme who was not infatuated with Carlisle at sixteen is a very different character.

Come On, Try, Muffin

Alright, let's say, AU occurs so that Esme is turned but has 0 interest in Carlisle. Somehow, for some reason, Edward tolerates her presence without her being Mother. Though honestly she probably bores him.

Well, Edward can actually go two paths. He goes full Mother anyway but is very Norman Bates about it. Edward/Esme happens, it's much weirder and worse than Carlisle/Esme. Carlisle tries not to examine that relationship too closely. And I already said we weren't going to talk about it in this post.

The other path is that Edward's not an Esme fan and she desperately tries and fails to connect to him. She can fulfil the role of the mother he lost, this sad, angry, messed up orphan boy. He doesn't need her pity. Edward treats her like garbage and then a few short years later runs off to eat murderers.

Esme and Carlisle are the only ones left. And it's very awkward.

Esme doesn't know how to feel or interact with this really handsome guy and Carlisle, in turn, doesn't quite get Esme. It's mostly awkward, though not terrible.

Fast forward, Edward comes back, something in Esme's soul dies a little as this means hard times are incoming. Rosalie's turned, and while Rosalie likes Esme well enough and feels very bad for her, she's not interested.

The idea of being with a woman also probably wouldn't even occur to Esme.

Rosalie/Emmett is an immediate thing, so Emmett's off the table.

Not to mention, I think he's a little too mountain man for Esme. He's kind, but not an idealized, perfect, kind. Emmett loves Rosalie, but often does not support her, and I don't think Esme's strong enough to do what Rosalie does in that relationship (support herself). Esme's also beautiful, but not Emmett's brand of beautiful.

Honestly, in this universe Esme probably joins the Denali once the Cullens run into them. It's this nice, mostly single, mostly all women coven. Esme wouldn't feel so out of place there, and they still follow the diet.

Esme doesn't have a role in this pseudo human life Carlisle's living. She's not Mother in this world, she's not Carlisle's wife, and so her just staying inside the house for fear of eating others is depressing and lonely. It'd be a much better life for her to live with a more isolationist vegetarian coven (though Esme would likely find the Denali Sister's constant pursuit and seduction of mortal men disturbing).

But let's say she does stick around until Jasper and Alice finally show up. Well, Jasper and Alice show up as an item, the reason Jasper arrives is because Alice told him about these people and took him along, so that's not happening either.

As for Bella, Edward is interested in her and Esme would never look even if he wasn't. Would probably never meet Bella.

Esme remains single.

But What About Esme and Jasper?!

I think this is the least likely.

To like Jasper, Esme really would have to be an entirely different character with an entirely different history.

Remember, Jasper is terrifying. He looks terrifying, riddled with scars, and with little hesitation he makes horrifying decisions that have to be made. More, he's very intimidating.

He's a very quiet guy, but that quietness lends itself to the intimidation, and for how polite he truly is there's something about him that screams Danger.

He gives the polar opposite aura that Carlisle does.

Esme would never, ever, end up with a man like Jasper. He'd scare the shit out of her, and, given her experiences I don't blame her. After Charles, why would Esme want anything but the safest choice?

Carlisle oozes kindness and respect to women. I'm not saying Jasper doesn't, but he also looks like death on wheels, and that is not something Esme would ever go for.

Even if she was... mostly different from the surreal existence that is canon Esme.

To end up with Jasper, Esme can't have had her marriage with Charles, but if she never had that she likely never would have become a Cullen.

Even if she does, somehow, anyway, and she won't be the Esme we know, Jasper is still very scary looking, with a very scary past, and not the guy any sane woman immediately goes for.

Esme does not go for Jasper.

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smol-and-grumpy · 4 years ago

Text

What I Want Most - Five

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean’s life has been all work and no play lately. When Gabe, his friend, coerced him into tagging along to a club, he couldn’t say no as Gabe has been pestering him for a while now. What Dean didn’t expect was that he’d meet his match in that club in the form of a stunning woman with underlying daddy issues.

Warnings: Daddy kink (by now, this is a given), rivalry in the office, office sex, semi-public sex, blow job

Word Count: 1924

Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons <3

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

In the morning, Dean’s in their office, touching up his own presentation for tomorrow. He steals a glance at the clock, it’s almost 8.40 AM. It’s almost time for her presentation and Y/N’s still not here.

He wonders if he went too far.

Well, she still has about ten minutes before she has to be in the meeting room to set everything up. And if she’s not going to be here, he’ll make sure to waltz in there and bring up a sorry excuse to steal some time. He’s not a monster after all, it was just supposed to be a little prank.

Last night, after she fell asleep, Dean manipulated her alarm, setting the alarm later than she wanted to get up. Like, not too late that she’d miss the meeting, but late enough so that she won’t have a lot of time to get herself ready.

He set his own alarm and placed his phone under the pillow so he would wake up as soon as it started to vibrate. He did get up. Sneaked his way out of her apartment and left her there, still sound asleep.

Dean’s typing away at the email, it’s 8.47 AM now.

Three minutes until he has to save her ass.

That cute little sweet ass, though.

A minute later, the door opens and she’s looking at him. Her hair’s put together but there’s no trace of makeup. She also wears glasses, god and he didn’t even know this about her but fuck, she looks super cute with her glasses. These, paired with her being angry, is really what his librarian dreams are made of.

Maybe he could ask her to role play it once.

But yeah, maybe he could ask when she’s not mad at him anymore.

He ignores her, stares meticulously into his screen.

Walking in, she drops her laptop bag and pulls out her laptop wordlessly.

Dean risks a glance up, sees her staring at him. Her eyes are narrow.

He smirks, “You look worse for wear. Had a rough night, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you,” She mumbles and proceeds to walk to the door.

“Well,” Dean starts, but stops because she turns around and sends him a glare.

“I hate you so much right now,”

The door closes with a bang.

Oh well, this went super great. He doesn’t know if he should be scared that she’s so fucking mad at him or prank her some more because she’s so cute when she’s mad.

Oh my god, Y/N absolutely hates Dean fucking Winchester.

He made her late but he at least set the alarm early enough for her to be able to make it. But still... that doesn’t mean that he deserves a fucking medal, though.

The presentation went well, so at least she has that, but she’s still mad at him so if he wants to get his dick wet, he can find someone else. She’s so fucking done.

Back in the office, she is glad that Dean was out at another meeting, so at least she has a breather.

Dean showed up thirty minutes later with a cup of coffee for her and she doesn’t know but she has a very hard time trusting it. So she looks at the coffee and up at him.

“What?” He asks because she still hasn’t said a word, “You think I want to poison you or something?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” She shrugs and returns to her screen and types something on her keyboard.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” He growls and squats down next to her, “I’m sorry, okay? I thought a little competition is healthy. A little prank here and there. I wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize your career in any way,”

“I almost missed my meeting,” She said drily, trying not to look at him.

“Yeah! There you have it. Almost!”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but it doesn’t make it sound any better,”

“My god,” Dean threads his hand through his hair, “You know what? I’m done apologizing,” He walks over to his own desk and sits down, “They are singing your praises. I was in the elevator with one of the execs who was at your presentation. So, even though I made you late, I didn’t make you miss it,”

“It still doesn’t make it right, Dean,”

“Whatever,” He snorts and she can tell that he’s moping. He probably feels guilty.

Maybe she’s being too harsh. He played a prank, she played a prank, and he was right, it didn’t do a lot of damage but still…

It was about two hours of silent treatment later that she got up to walk over to the folder cabinet in search of a folder she needed, but she couldn’t find it. The space where it should be is empty.

Turning around, she sees that Dean’s using it. He’s probably working on the same thing as she is, which is due in the afternoon.

Y/N sighs and goes back to her desk, deciding to work on something else until he’s finished, but after thirty minutes have passed, he’s still hogging it.

“Jesus, are you done with the folder? It can’t be so hard to find the two numbers in there that you need, can it?”

He rolls his chair to the side to be able to look past his screen at her, “You need something, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, that damn folder! You’ve been hogging it for way too long,”

Dean cocks an eyebrow, “You want it?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I want your pussy but that’s not something I get tonight, do I?” He chuckles, “Sometimes we don’t get what we want, baby,” Getting up from behind his desk, Dean picks up the folder and walks over to her, “You can be glad I have a conference call with England now,” He sets the folder on her desk and walks back, nodding at her as he places his headphones over his head.

He’s probably trying to make peace and ugh, it’s almost impossible for her to stay mad. Damn him and his look and the way he talks and walks.

While Dean dials himself into the conference call, she quickly picks out the numbers she needs and returns the file back to his desk. He’s still listening in to the call but tilts his head up to smile at her. His teeth are showing white, the crinkles around his eyes are deep and god, he looks so cute with all the freckles on his face.

Returning to her seat, she listens in as Dean speaks. He’s really good at what he’s doing, and to be honest, she doesn’t even know if she’d have a chance against him. It’s a little disheartening thinking about it.

Y/N has to remind herself that it’s not really his fault. It wasn’t him who decided that he has to fight for a position that’s rightfully his. And he’s been helping a lot. At least, he did with the presentation she was having today. So, when it comes to him as a person, and when she puts the office rivalry aside, he is a good guy and she should definitely cut him some slack.

After finishing her report, she sees that the conference call should last another ten minutes. With a grin, she lowers herself under her desk and crawls over to where Dean’s sitting. Dean’s legs are spread and he drums on the floor with his shoe. He doesn’t know that she’s down here, but he will soon.

Placing her hands on his thighs, she can hear him mutter something and can feel his body go stiff.

“Yeah, I’m listening,” Dean mumbles.

With a chuckle, she skids her nails along his thighs, until she reaches his belt buckle and quickly undoes it, trying not to let it clink too loudly. Her fingers work on his button next, pulling the zipper down after.

Her hand goes inside his pants, takes out his dick that’s still soft but it twitches in her fist and it slowly starts to grow at her touch. Dean shudders when she breathes warm air against it.

“Jesus,” He whispers, “No, I’m sorry, just stubbed my toes,” He says above.

She has to chuckle at that and then she sticks her tongue out, licks a broad stripe from the base to his tip. Dean doesn’t make a sound, but his legs are slightly trembling. He’s probably trying to keep himself together.

Sucking in the tip of his cock, she lets it out with an audible popping sound. The taste of him is strong in her mouth. She absolutely loves how he tastes, it makes her mouth water some more.

The more precum is leaking out of him, the stronger his scent is and it fills her nose, clouds her mind. It’s fucking intoxicating.

Y/N takes him in her mouth again, bobs her head up and down and tries her best not to make too much of a sound. Dean’s saying something, but she doesn’t listen. She’s so into it that her mind tunes out all the other sounds and senses. All she feels and tastes is Dean.

With one hand she jerks him off where her mouth can’t reach in this position. With her other hand, she cradles his balls in her palms, giving them some attention and there might have been another moan.

Humming around his girth, she gobbles him down, sucks a bit harsher at the tip before she swirls her tongue around the underside of it before she takes him in again. It seems like Dean is close because his balls are jumping in her palm and he tries to fuck up into her mouth.

“Alright, thank you for your time, bye,” He finishes the call and she can hear how strained it sounds.

“Fuck,” Is the next thing she hears before she feels a hand on the back of her head, holding her down on his cock while he pushes his hips up to meet her mouth. He thrusts a couple of times and then she hears the familiar growl, feels the warmth of the cum flooding her throat and mouth.

She swallows it all down, licks at his tip and sucks at it again, making sure she catches every last drop. She cleans his shaft too, swirls her tongue around. When she finishes, she smacks her lips and Dean rolls his chair back, looks down at her.

He reaches out, his thumb caressing her cheek, before they brush over her lips, and she bites at it, making him chuckle, “Baby,” Dean’s still trying to catch his breath, “Fuck, was that to tell me you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Y/N nods.

Pulling her up by her arm, he places her into his lap and kisses her soft and gentle, “I’m glad. I could also fucking eat you up right now, but we know that’s not possible,”

“Well, you don’t know if you don’t try, right?” She grins.

“Don’t fucking tempt me. Otherwise, neither one of us will have a job by the end of the week,” He kisses her cheek before he nuzzles his face into the crook of her neck. She feels him breathing in the scent of her skin, “I’m sorry about this morning, okay? It was just a silly prank,”

“I know,”

“Does that mean daddy can take you home tonight? Reward you for the good girl you are?”

She grins with a nod of her head.

Six

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

#what i want most #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #nathalie writes

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a-froger-epic · 3 years ago

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Thank you for putting those psychotic Mary stans in their place. They are delusional. It’s mind boggling they keep insisting Freddie loved her above anyone else. Ummm, hello, the man confessed his sexuality to avoid being trapped in a marriage with her. I think he valued his own happiness more than he did hers, and I don’t fault him one bit for it. He could have carried on as a closeted bisexual man, but he chose to tell her “I DON’T LOVE YOU”. Love and affection are not the same thing. And what he felt for Mary was just affection. Tbh, I think she kind of manipulated him emotionally for leaving her and that’s why she stayed on as a friend and as an employee. Any woman that gets her heart broken like that breaks all contact and moves on. You learn to live without the person that caused you so much pain. It’s not like there were any children binding them together, she just couldn’t move on from the fairytale she wanted. Also, I am almost certain GL isn’t hers for life. I remember seeing a copy of his will somewhere and it states the house reverts back to his estate after 40 50? years. So it’s not like she can leave it to her children or anything. I’m trying to find a copy to verify.

I’m not really interested in putting anyone in their place. I have my own thoughts on the whole matter, is all.

I agree that it's pretty weird to insist Freddie loved Mary above everyone else. He had a lot of love for her, he did trust her, he also loved a lot of other people.

I don't, however, think it's as simple as "he confessed his sexuality to avoid being trapped in a marriage with her". First off, he had probably come to a point where he was forced to accept that he was gay. Yes, I'm aware he told her he was bisexual, but to me that really, really seems like him trying to spare her feelings and not make it seem as though their entire relationship had been a sham (because I don’t think it was, to either of them) or - we really can't know - perhaps even still hoping that it could be true. But I think it's the former, I think he was well aware that he was gay by then. He had, after all, been seeing a man behind her back for a year at that point.

And to his confession, Mary did not respond with shock or disbelief. She told him: Freddie, you're gay.

(This got really long, a lot of speculation and analysis under the cut.)

Mary knew, or as good as knew that he was gay. The confession was perhaps the final, definitive confirmation. And that leads me to think that, for one, their sexual relationship must have pretty much been non-existent for a long while at that point. This then begs the question, why didn’t she leave him? Now, anyone who hasn’t been in a long relationship might not be aware how common it is for two people, even without one person struggling with their sexuality, to end up in a sexless relationship. It’s actually really not uncommon. Sometimes, the physical attraction just fizzles out. I was in a relationship with a boy from when I was 16 to when I was 22, and in second half of that relationship we were pretty much down to being intimate every three to four months or so. He wasn’t gay, I was attracted to guys, we were just no longer really at all attracted to each other. But there are many other aspects to a relationship than just sex. I still felt that I was in love with him, I still had romantic feelings for him, even if the actual, sexual attraction was missing. I was the one to break up with him eventually and it broke my heart, too.

I think leaving Mary broke Freddie’s heart as much as it broke Mary’s heart, even though he was also in love with David. I think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time, because that has happened to me - not for everyone, but I think that there are people who are more inclined toward feeling that way. I think Freddie was one of those people, which is evidenced by his insistence that he had enough love for more than person, he expressed so himself. At that point love becomes a conscious choice, because you’ll find few partners who are willing to share. You have to decide who you will and want to stay in love with and simply stay with. And that will be the relationship which is more viable. Clearly, when Freddie left Mary, his relationship with David had become more viable and being a sexual, sensual person, he was not fulfilled living in a partnership that had stopped being a sexual relationship. Whereas Mary, it seems to me, was someone who (and I’ve said this before) very readily brushed things under the carpet and just carried on. And likely would have carried on as long as Freddie was willing to. Yes, I think she loved him a lot, I also think that having been as young as she was when she met him, she couldn’t fathom not being with him anymore. But I think, in a way, Freddie felt the same.

I disagree with what you say about any woman who has her heart broken removing herself from the situation after and moving on. That has not been my experienced and it is something that is highly individual and varies from person to person, from relationship to relationship, from situation to situation. I personally know more than one woman who has an ex who turned out to be gay and who is still very good friends with them.

I don’t agree that Mary staying in Freddie’s life was all Mary’s emotional manipulation. I would go so far as to say that she probably wanted to remove herself from the situation more than Freddie let her. Again, there is much evidence of Freddie not wanting to let go of people in his life. He had horrendous abandonment issues. In many ways, Freddie was needy. I think he would have been crushed and very distressed if she had broken off all contact with him. He would have found that very, very difficult to deal with. I think, rather, that Mary stayed in his life both because she loved him a lot and because he expressed his need for her to not abandon him completely.

What comes to mind here is the relationship Kenny Everett had with his wife, which was by no means the same, but strikes some similar chords. So let me go there briefly. When Kenny proposed to his wife, who was a good few years older than him just by the way, she was aware that he was gay. She said she used to think of him as her little gay friend and was shocked at the proposal. However, they had apparently managed to have sex under the influence of LSD (yay, drugs? :/) and so Kenny had got it in his mind that he could marry and be in love with this woman, and that all the right feelings would come with ‘practice’, so he said, more or less. Now, from her perspective, she had already had a failed marriage and probably already understood that often sex is not all, and decided the companionship with somebody who cared about her so much, who she liked being with so much, was worth it. Here is the interesting thing. They went on to have what they both insisted later on was absolutely a real marriage, in their eyes. However, Kenny became depressed because of course he hadn’t ‘cured’ himself of homosexuality by getting married and eventually it was his wife who set him up with a waiter (during a night out to dinner with Freddie, no less, who was already with David at the time) and that waiter became Kenny’s first boyfriend.

But, the story of Kenny and his wife, Lee, does not end there. Lee ended up getting married again, and it was a bit of a shock to her when Kenny not only became quite upset that she would no longer wear his ring but also started popping over to her and her husband’s house for breakfast and such. Inserting himself into their relationship almost as a third wheel to some degree. Kenny did not want her back, he was very, very gay and ended up living with his two (!) gay lovers. But he also refused to let her go for a very long time. It had much to do with the fact that Lee really had mothered him a lot and clearly that was something he couldn’t quite get the same way anywhere else.

Now, Kenny is not Freddie and Lee is not Mary. But I think there was a part of Freddie which was very reluctant to let go of the aspects of Mary which his male partners couldn’t provide for him the same way. The practical care-taking aspect, the mothering, if you will. We are also talking about a certain generation here, please keep in mind, where men were not raised to be and not likely to be of a care-taking nature. I think Freddie solved that problem for himself the absolute best way he could, by keeping her close in a professional sense too and literally assigning her a business-related care-taking role. I’m nowhere near done speculating about all this, by the way. There are so many nuances here.

I do think that Mary felt she was owed something for having given so much of her time/life/energy to him, and I also do think that subconsciously she probably did express what a shame it was that they couldn’t have been right for each other, which fed into Freddie’s guilt and made him feel that he had to always provide for her because it was ‘his fault’ they could not be a happily married couple with children, etc. I have sympathy for both of them, to be honest.

So those are my thoughts on that. The ownership of GL and whether it runs out is not something I know a lot about, I’m afraid.

#ask response #Freddie Mercury #Mary Austin

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jackcinephile · 4 years ago

Text

LO Fans: "I love Lore Olympus because it deals with serious themes, like sexual assault, abuse, gaslighting, trauma, and mental health issues!"

Me, who spent my life discovering and obsessing over masterpieces like this:

"You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that to impress me."

Yeah, I never understood that kind of praise. For one thing, people act like LO is groundbreaking for that reason, despite there being countless movies, books, tv shows, comics, and video games that also deal with the same themes. That isn't to say there can't be more stories like this, however. I, for one, am begging for another video game that comes close to the emotional resonance of Silent Hill 2, or for a faithful adaptation of Dracula and/or Phantom of the Opera, or for a horror movie as unsettling as The Howling! But to say any new story that deals with these themes is unique for doing so, is just simply not true. Lore Olympus is no more unique than any of these stories. Also, I don't understand the praise that Lore Olympus is great just by virtue of having these themes in the first place. Just because a story has serious themes, doesn't automatically make it good. Far too often does LO use its themes as a crutch for a plot that is standard issue among romances, as opposed to stories like The Howling, which has a very intriguing, outlandish plot that serves as a catalyst to explore themes of very real and relatable horror. Lore Olympus, without its intense themes, is just another story about the CEO falling in love with his intern. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE those kinds of stories, but Lore Olympus just doesn't really do it for me. And the poorly executed themes just hamper it even further for me.

If it wasn't already apparent, has anyone noticed a pattern between these titles? All but one are horror stories. In my opinion, that is one of the key differences between them and LO: Horror! The themes within, are ones that illicit terror, and the stories reflect that (even Phantom of the Opera--don't listen to anyone who says it's a romance). Starting with Dracula, one of the scenes that horrified me the most in the book was the one where Count Dracula sneaks into Mina's bedroom. The book describes him slitting open his own vein and forcing her to drink his blood. Mina then expresses feelings of violation, much akin to what rape survivors feel. It doesn't pull any punches in its shocking, horrific portrayal, but it never comes off as exploitative. That's because the best horror stories rely on the audience's empathy. In this case, nobody wants to feel violated, so we feel as horrified as the characters do when we read about this grotesque event. And because it is about illiciting fear through empathy, Dracula succeeds where Lore Olympus fails. Lore Olympus, before all else, is a romance. And rape should not be in a romantic story. Especially not when the narrative of LO uses this trauma to validate the relationship between the two leads. I'm not a fan of stories that use trauma to validate a relationship between romantic interests, and I think that partly stems from reading the Phantom of the Opera.

If you ask me, Phantom of the Opera is one if the best books to discuss abuse and gaslighting ever written! Despite misconceptions generated by the popularity of the musical, PotO is very much a horror story with hardly any romance at all. And it's one of the best examples about why using trauma to validate a romance is a very bad idea! You see, all the conflict of the story begins with The Phantom and his trauma. He was born with multiple physical deformities that cause him to look like a living corpse. Because of this, he is despised and rejected by the world in order to escape the hatred of the world, he commissions the construction of the Paris Opera House, complete with intricate catacombs where he can live out the rest of his miserable days. Then one day, a woman named Christine comes to work at the Opera as a chorus girl. She is sad and alone due to her being orphaned, without a friend in the world. She too is emotionally damaged and the Phantom thinks this means she'll understand him. The trouble begins instantly when he claims to be a character from a folktale that Christine's father used to tell her. This is when the manipulation and gaslighting begins. Part of what makes this so effective is how we see it from an outside perspective. The protagonist, Raoul, is in love with Christine and we get to see his confusion and growing concern when he starts realizing Christine is showing signs of an abusive relationship. What makes the relationship even worse is the fact that Christine actually does understand The Phantom. So she doesn't run away not only out of fear, but also compassion. She knows what it's like to feel isolated and dead to the world and The Phantom uses that against her. The more I describe this, the more parallels I begin to see to Hades' and Minthe's relationship. Yes, Minthe abused Hades in much of the same way as The Phantom abused Christine. Notice how Minthe keeps convincing Hades that they're the only people who understand each other, even going so far as to say, "We're the same." The funny thing is, that's exactly what the narrative uses to validate Hades' and Persephone's relationship! It tries to establish that Hades and Persephone relate to each other and they say, several times, "We're the same," to each other. But this is exactly how Hades got stuck in a toxic relationship with Minthe, so why is it suddenly okay now? Relationships that use shared trauma to validate themselves are almost always doomed to become toxic, in one way or another.

So what about the healthy relationship in Phantom of the Opera? Well, it's kinda interesting actually. You see, Christine eventually comes to realize that she needs help, so she turns to the protagonist, Raoul, to get her away from the Phantom. Raoul has an interesting character arc because he starts the novel being pretty immature and kinda selfish. He doesn't really take Christine's feelings into consideration. It's more like a boy chasing his childhood crush (actually that's exactly what happens). However, over the course of the story, as he becomes increasingly concerned with her well-being, he learns to care more about her feelings and her needs. This culminates in the climax, when he's willing to crawl through hell itself for her sake. I bring all this up because I wanted to compare Raoul with Hades as well. Hades is a very consistent character. He doesn't need an arc like Raoul because, from the very beginning, he's willing to put all of Persephone's needs before his, to a fault! That is his entire purpose within the narrative of LO. He exists to serve Persephone. Raoul didn't exist to serve Christine. He had his own journey of growing and maturing. And Christine didn't exist to serve Raoul either. It bothers me that a novel from 1910 has a more well-rounded relationship than a modern comic! Actually, now that I think about it, isn't Persephone's entire character arc supposed to be her learning that she shouldn't exist to serve others? Well, that totally contradicts Hades' role in the story, doesn't it? He exists to serve her! I guess, in the eyes of LO, it's only okay if men serve women, but not for women to serve men. Newsflash: neither is okay.

Now Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) remains, to this day, one of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen! That's all thanks to its brutal depictions of domestic abuse. So Dr. Henry Jekyll believes the solution to enlightening the human race is to separate the good and evil in our souls. He solves this problem by creating a drug to do just that, which transforms him into Edward Hyde, but he becomes addicted and starts terrorizing a woman who was once a former patient of his. I think what makes this so effective, when compared to LO, is one simple factor: Fear. I am terrified of Edward Hyde, but whenever Apollo shows up, I'm just annoyed. That's because Hyde isn't being used to sell an agenda, while Apoll is. Apollo is all about making a statement about toxic masculinity, which always bothered me from the very beginning! Being an abusive cunt who rapes women has nothing to do with masculinity! It doesn't matter if you're masculine or feminine, anyone can be a cunting abusive rapist. If you are a rapist, it's because you're a monster who lacks empathy, not because of masculinity. And if you think masculinity has something to do with a lack of empathy, fuck off! Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is not about toxic masculinity. It's about how drug addiction can often hurt other people around us just as much, if not moreso, than ourselves. It also doesn't use rape to validate a relationship between characters. I'm sorry, but that is just the laziest storytelling technique. When the antagonist is a rapist OF COURSE the male love interest is going to look better by comparison! But when you take Apollo out of the equation, Hades stops looking like a desirable love interest real fucking quick.

So yeah, I think Hades makes for a bad love interest. That's mostly because he's so much like Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Yeah, the one title from the list above that's not a horror, but is no less relevant. The thing is, both Hades and Shinji have a lot in common, such as hating themselves, having a bad relationship with their father, and not caring at all about their own wants and needs. Oh, also Asuka's a better written character than Minthe, but that's a whole other topic. What makes Evangelion work, in my opinion, is that Shinji's whole journey is about learning to love himself, while Hades is portrayed as being perfect the way he is. Hades in LO is like a flawless beacon of virtue, solely because he worships the ground Persephone walks on. But the guy just doesn't care about himself at all! Like I said earlier, Hades guilty of the same self-destructive behaviors as Persephone but he's praised for it, while Persephone is encouraged to look after herself more often. Compare this to Shinji, whose life only gets worse the more he neglects himself. The only time Hades does something beneficial for himself is when he breaks up with Minthe, but immediately after that, he starts devoting every ounce of energy to Persephone! All that matters is her! He doesn't give a single fuck about himself. Sorry, but that's not good qualities in a male love interest. In all fairness, this is a problem with the romance genre as a whole. Most romances give priority to the protagonist (in this case Persephone) while neglecting the love interest (Hades). It's why I have a serious problem with the entire genre.

Now what could Silent Hill 2 have that is in any way relevant to Lore Olympus? Two words: Nightmare Fuel. Personifying trauma as literal demons is one of the smartest ideas anyone's ever had, because speaking from personal experience, that's how it feels. I just don't feel like the trauma experienced by the characters in LO is a waking nightmare like it is in real life. For one, the characters' trauma only pops up when it's convenient for the plot. Like whenever Persephone starts experiencing ptsd, it happens when she's with Hades so we can get a scene with Hades cuddling her. After that, it shows up in a scene to make her look badass by confronting Apollo. No, just no. The Howling did it better too, by making the protagonist's trauma such an inconvenience in her life! I never felt that way in LO. When you uss traumatic encounters to make your character look like a badass, kindly fuck off.

#lore olympus

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jiejie-eonni-onee-sama · 3 years ago

Text

THE BASTERDS’S ANGELS

Somewhere in a safe place in the French countryside, a group of armed men prepared themselves for the mission they were sent for: killing Nazis and sending fear through the ranks of the Wehrmacht based in France.

And until now, they managed to accomplish their work, as the German soldiers only knew them as The Basterds.

Led by Lieutenant Aldo Raine, those volunteers took pleasure in killing and terrifying their foes, as many of the Basterds were Jewish.

Looking at his men, Aldo smirked: he could not wait to hunt down new Nazis.

"I know that look. Looking for new scalps, darling?"

Smiling, he turned and saw the woman he cherished the most.

"You know me too well, honey."

"That's why we're husband and wife!"

"Ya damn right, Winona."

The woman named Winona was, indeed, Aldo's wife. Born in the Cherokee tribe, this woman was the embodiment of the Native American female warrior: athletic, wise, loyal, and brave.

Moreover, she was the only woman in this group. Some people would think that a woman had nothing to do in the U.S. Army.

But quoteth Donny, "She kills more nazis in one day than I kill in three days."

The Cherokee woman has already won the respect of her peers since the first day in France. Besides, she gained a gruesome reputation among the Nazis based in France. They called her "The Cherokee Amazon."

The Apache and the Cherokee: a match made in heaven who took their enemies in hell...

Aldo put his arm around her shoulders:

"Can ya believe it, honey? You and I, in France, killing fascists... How pleasant it is!"

"I agree."

"It's like our honeymoon!"

Winona laughed at this statement.

"Well, a very blood-thirsty honeymoon. But honestly, I would never imagine killing Nazis without you, Aldo!"

"Aw, sweetie! Ya know how to talk to me!" he grinned before kissing her.

A sweet moment interrupted by the booming voice of Donny Donowitz, aka "The Bear Jew."

"Aw, look at those lovebirds!"

"Damn ya, Donny! I was enjoying this moment!"

"We have noticed!" smirked Wicki.

Raine rolled his eyes but smirked. His men are the best among the best, especially when it comes to killing Nazis.

They all came from different backgrounds, had various faiths, but for sure, they were more than ready to wipe out the Third Reich.

Of course, among his men, there was Donny Donowitz, a sturdy chap from Boston and the other leader of the group. This man gained the nickname of "Bear Jew" after he bashed the skull of dozens of Nazis with his prized baseball bat.

Then, you have Wilhelm Wicki, who fled his native Austria after the Anchlüss. Probably one of the oldest members of this group, his remarkable marksmanship made him a feared sniper.

Sitting next to Wicki was Hugo Stiglitz, a former German soldier. He hated the regime to the core, and he managed to kill 13 Gestapo officers. The Basterds get him out of his jail, and now, Hugo became one of them. More silent than some of his teammates, he easily scared people around him.

Near them, a young man was quietly reading a book, enjoying this peaceful moment. This young man was Smithson Utivich, another Jewish-American soldier. Like his friends, he enrolled in this group to save the remaining European Jews from Nazism's clutches. Even if he was not the most impressive, he excelled at killing Nazis.

The one next to Utivich, who was taking a small rest, was Omar Ulmer, his best friend. A remarkable soldier, Private Ulmer often works along with Smithson and Donny during his missions. Fast and efficient, the Nazis did not stand a chance against him.

Not far from Omar, his friend Gerold Hirschberg was laughing with his comrades. Hirschberg was considered a loyal and cheerful friend by his fellow Basterds. However, his hot-tempered character made him the official trouble seeker of the group, as he often found himself in danger.

The other man talking with Hirshcberg was named Michael Zimmermann. He has the two roles of driver and explosives expert. The Germans muttered that he was a crazy man who escaped from an asylum. But the truth was that Michael only became mad when he saw a swastika. But for the Basterds, he was a pleasant companion and a joyful friend.

Sitting at his right, his best friend named Simon Sakowitz was tidying his medical stuff. Before the war, he was a brilliant medicine student, but he decided to put his studies on hiatus to enroll in the army. Simon was a skilled and efficient doctor in his group and also an appreciated friend.

Smoking a cigarette, Andy Kagan smirked while looking at his teammates. The young Mister Kagan came from a wealthy family and started a promising acting career in Hollywood until he decided to rescue his people in Europe. He was the spy of the group, a master of manipulation and charm.

Leaning against a tree, Archie Hicox looked at his allies with a mixture of puzzlement and amusement. This British officer was the last addition to the group. In the beginning, the MI5 spy did not get along with the Basterds, as he saw them as a bunch of crazy rednecks while the others considered him as a snobbish man. But the more they worked together, the most they trusted each other, and mutual respect started to settle between them.

All those men were here in France for one reason: killing Nazis.

Something they excelled, as they did earlier, as they exterminated an entire patrol an hour ago.

Now, they enjoyed a moment of calm to relax before reaching another town.

Suddenly, Aldo gently stroke Winona's cheek and said:

"Get ready, my lady. We're gonna move!"

"At your orders, Mr. Raine!" smirked the woman as she started to pick up her belongings.

Smiling, the Lieutenant turned to his men and exclaimed:

"Get up, boys! We move!"

"Uh? What? What's going? Are we attacked?" asked Omar, startled.

"Nah, Omar. The Lieutenant just said we're moving. Get up now!" explained Donny.

"Where are we going?" asked Simon.

"Probably somewhere near Fontainebleau. At least, we have to get closer to Paris," replied Utivich.

"Exactly, Smitty! I hope I will have time to pay my debt off once we got there!" sighed Zimmermann as he finished packing up his stuff.

As he picked his backpack, Hirschberg noticed Hugo, who trimmed his knife in his bag. Smirking, the young Basterd came nearer to his comrade. A little game that Andy and Wicki had noticed.

"Oh my Lord! Here we go again! Will Hirschberg never learn his lessons?" sighed the Austrian.

"I wonder how it will end this time: will Hirschberg have a kicked butt or a broken nose?" smirked the American.

Meanwhile, Gerold was close to Hugo and said with an authoritative tone:

"C'mon, Stiglitz! Hurry up! We have to go!"

The German deserter turned and glared at his teammate:

"Lass mich in Ruhe, Hirschberg." (Leave me alone, Hirschberg).

"Why do I fear the worst?" sighed Simon as he pinched the bridge of the nose.

He counted how many times he healed the bruises on Hirschberg after the latter tried to pick up on someone stronger than him.

At the same time, Hirschberg teased Hugo while the latter tried to contain his anger. But his patience was running thin...

"Ich werde es dir nicht zwei mal sagen." (I won't tell you twice).

"Aw, come on! Don't look at me like that! I am trying to tell you that you're a bit slow!"

"Stop that, Gerold! You're going to regret it!" smirked Andy.

Indeed, Hugo was pissed off by Gerold. Fuming, he took his knife and put it on Hirschberg's throat.

"Leave me alone. Now!" growled the German man.

Gulping, the young Basterd raised his hands in defeat.

"O-OK, Stiglitz. I stop. Can you lower your knife, please?"

Growling, Hugo put his knife back in his vest while Gerold ran away.

"We told you that you're going to have trouble, Geri!" snickered Michael.

As for Wicki, he turned to Hugo and asked:

"War es notwendig, Hirschberg einen Schrecken einzujagen, Hugo?" (Was it necessary to scare Hirschberg, Hugo?)

"Er ist eine Nervensäge." (He is a pain in the ass.) snarled Hugo as he walked towards Donny and Omar.

Wilhelm rolled his eyes and muttered:

"Ich schwöre bei Gott, die würden mich wahnsinnig machen!" (I swear to God, they would drive me crazy!)

"C'MON, BOYS! WE HAVE A LONG ROAD!" yelled Aldo as he led the march along with Winona.

Soon, all the commando started their long road across the French countryside. Unbeknownst to them, they were about to make an encounter that would change their lives for a long time...

Meanwhile, Maddie and Ada wandered through the forest, looking for shelter.

A little earlier, they had almost been spotted by a German patrol, which had scared them.

Now, their priority was to find a safe place while they waited for help.

As they walked through the woods, Maddie saw a cave:

"Look, aunty! A shelter!"

"Well done, Maddie! Let's go!"

They rushed to the hiding place and checked that nothing was inside.

Once assured that they were alone, Ada ordered her niece:

"Listen to me, Maddie: you're going to stay here and make no noise, okay?"

"What about you? What are you going to do?" asked the little girl.

"I'll try to find something to eat. Keep quiet, do you understand?"

Maddie nodded. Smiling, Ada stroked her head:

"I'll be back soon, I promise!"

Then, she walked away while Maddie hid behind a rock.

The young girl hated being alone. Of course, she knew that it was necessary. But the truth was that she was scared.

She was afraid to be alone, at the mercy of the Germans. After all, what could a seven-year-old girl do when faced with armed soldiers?

And then, who knew what could happen to her aunt?

Well, the little girl knew that Ada was capable of defending herself. But if anything happened to her, she would not be able to survive.

Suddenly, she heard voices and footsteps approaching the cave. Covering her mouth and trying to be as hidden as possible, Maddie tried to figure out who had just arrived.

She kept her ears open and listened to the conversation:

"Great, guys! We can stop here!"

"Finally, it's about time! We must have been walking for hours, and my legs are killing me!"

"Stop complaining, Gerold!"

"Oh no! You're not going to start bickering again!"

Maddie was intrigued: these people seemed to be speaking in English. Well, at least she wasn't dealing with Nazis, which was good news.

But what were these people doing here?

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear anyone enter the cave until a man's voice asked:

"What on earth are you doing here?"

Horrified, she looked up and saw a medium-sized man staring at her with a surprised look.

As for Omar, he did not expect to find a child alone in a place like this.

He called his boss:

"Lieutenant, come and see!"

"What?" asked Aldo, who arrived in his turn and saw the little girl.

"Look at that! It's quite funny!"

"What's going on?" asked Wicki.

For all answers, the two men came out of the cave, escorting Maddie. The little girl was looking at the rest of the group with a frightened look.

"It seems that our hideout already had an occupant!" declared Hicox.

"But who's crazy enough to leave a kid all alone in the wild?" exclaimed Michael.

"I don't know," muttered Andy.

Simon, in his role as a doctor, walked over to the girl:

"I need to check her out. Who knows, maybe she needs treatment?"

"Do your job, doc!"

Sakowitz kneeled in front of Maddie and asked her:

"Do you speak English?"

She hesitantly replied with a small voice:

"Y-Yes, doctor!"

"Aw, ain't she cute?" smiled Donny.

"Low your voice, Don. She is scared!" said Winona while looking at the young girl.

Meanwhile, Simon carefully examined Maddie. He realized that she might suffer from malnutrition.

"Oh God, look how thin she is!"

He turned to Aldo.

"Lieutenant, do we have some food to give her?"

"For sure! Omar, gimme some bread, would ya?"

"Right now, sir!" replied Ulmer as he threw a piece of bread.

Raine caught it and handed the bread to Maddie.

"Here, ya can have some!"

Hesitantly, the little girl took the bread and muttered:

"Thank you!"

"Cute and polite: you must be a lovely little person!" smirked Archie.

Maddie took a bite and ate slowly, enjoying the taste of the bread.

"Poor little thing! She must not have eaten for days!" declared Wicki.

Winona came nearer and asked:

"What's your name, little one?"

Once she finished her mouthful, the little girl replied:

"Maddie Mandelbaum!"

"Okay, Maddie. Now, tell me: what are you doing here, all alone?"

Looking around, Maddie replied:

"It's because I flee!"

"What do you flee?"

For an answer, Maddie picked her necklace and showed a silver Star of David.

That's all it took for the Basterds to understand what Maddie was trying to escape.

"I see... You're a Jew, right?"

The little girl nodded.

"I see... But what are you doing by yourself?"

"I'm not alone: my auntie went to get food."

"Well, okay. And what's your auntie's name?" asked Smithson.

A female voice answered:

"Why don't you ask me?"

Everyone turned to Ada, who was holding a bag over her shoulder.

The young woman looked suspiciously at this troop. Even though they were not wearing Wehrmacht uniforms, she did not want to take the risk of crossing paths with Gestapo soldiers.

"Well, I guess you're the famous aunt?" asked Omar.

"Indeed. I am Adela Mandelbaum. And you?"

"We are American... with a German deserter, an American-Austrian soldier, and a British officer," replied Andy.

Sighing with relief, Ada put down her bag.

"At least there's some good news in this mess!"

Maddie rushed to her aunt and said:

"Ce sont des gens bien, tata. Ils m’ont donné du pain!" (They're good people, Auntie. They gave me bread!)

Aldo walked over to Ada and introduced himself:

"Lieutenant Aldo Raine, nice to meet ya. So like this, you're the one who manages survival?"

"Yes, indeed."

"I see. And how long have ya been alone?"

"I don't know. I'm more concerned about escaping the Germans than counting the days."

Aldo nodded before replying:

"And I suppose you're hiding because you're Jewish, Imma right?"

Ada sighed.

"Exactly."

Donny spoke up:

"Lieutenant, we can't leave them alone. They'll get caught by the Krauts!"

"But they're civilians: we can't afford to have potential targets with us!" grumbled Hirschberg.

Hugo glared at him:

"Put yourself in the kid's shoes: would you like to be left at the mercy of those sickos? I don't think so."

Simon added:

"Besides, if they stay with us, they'll be safe. What do you think, Lieutenant?"

Raine massaged the back of his neck, doubtful.

"It's true that having two civilians with us can be a problem..."

He met his wife's gaze as she stared at him pleadingly. And if there was one person who could make Aldo Raine give in, it was Winona.

He sketched a smile:

"But as ya seem to me two brave women, it seems logical to me that ya stay with us!

This decision was greeted with enthusiasm by the rest of the team.

"I thank you for your help."

"No worries. After all, several of my guys are Jewish."

The young woman asked:

"Before I forget, Lieutenant Raine..."

"Yes, Miss?"

"What is your mission here?"

At these moments, she saw all the Basterds sketch a toothy grin. And the Lieutenant's answer did not hide their intentions:

"We parachuted into France for one mission and one mission only: to kill Nazis!"

Hugo asked:

"Doesn't that cause you problems?"

At these words, he saw a gleam in Ada's eye that he knew all too well. He could see the sorrow and hatred for the Nazis in her brown orbs.

And the determined tone of her voice confirmed his impression:

"On the contrary, it pleases me to hear that my people are being avenged. Hitler's foot soldiers stole my life and threatened my niece. I lost my family, and I don't know if they are alive or if those Gestapo goons shot them!"

She turned to Aldo and declared:

"Lieutenant, I know I look like a simple damsel in distress, but I want revenge. I want to make them pay for the evil they've done."

Impressed by this sudden determination, Aldo asked:

"What can ya do?"

"I'm an excellent shot, and I can fight."

"That's not so ladylike, coming from a young woman!"

Ada smiled:

"Who said I was ladylike?"

"My aunt is the best in the world... right after Mom!" pointed Maddie.

Aldo smirked and held out his hand.

"In that case, welcome to the team, Ada! Just so you know, if you join this commando, you owe me 100 Nazi scalps!"

Without hesitation, Ada grasped the outstretched hand and shook it in agreement.

"I will settle that debt, Lieutenant. And I will die trying if I have to!"

"That's what I like to hear!"

"But I want you to promise to look out for Maddie, no matter what!"

"PROMISED!" exclaimed the Basterds.

At that moment, Maddie's face lit up with an adorable smile that seemed to shine through the dim light of the Fontainebleau woods. Now she had nothing to fear from the Germans because now she had found guardian angels armed with guns and baseball bats.

As for Ada, it was a new life for her that began. She was not a prey anymore. Now, she was the predator.

The Germans better start running because she won't have mercy. And Ada Mandelbaum always kept her words...

Thanks for the reading!

Stay tuned for the next chapter!

@sergeant-donny-donowitz @marilynmonroefanfics @velvet-waltz @ocfairygodmother @redrosewritingsstuff @empress-writes @jokersqueenofchaos (whom I thank for the German translation) @fandoms-are-my-friends-1321 @knives-out17 @multific @cherryplasmids @askthebasterds @nataschalena2

#inglourious basterds #fanfiction #the basterds's angels

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hidiingplace · 3 years ago

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TODD HEADCANON + BEFRIENDING THE ‘LITTLE GUYS’

general. okay so i know I’ve spoken on this privately with people, but Todd is one of those people (both as the Fox and as himself) who befriends the people in bad situations very easily and very quickly. This is especially true in his current/most recent verse, so i’m going to talk about this.

vulnerable. Todd connects very quick with the vulnerable populations. The homeless, children, women, etc. This is just in his nature as he knows that in some way he can be a protector to these people if they need it. He offers his smiles, his spare change, his friendship, his loyalty, his personality, his everything to these people the closer and closer they get. While Todd might be closed off with the people who are privileged in life or have had little hardship, Todd is far more open with the people who are in dire situations. He likes being called upon, he likes assuming that role of protector, provider, or even helper when he’s able to.

homeless. because Todd himself spent from age 8-15 homeless, Todd connects very quickly with the homeless population where ever he is living. He’s the kind of person who when he sees a homeless person while he’s waiting for a cross walk light to turn green, he’ll lean up against whatever is closest to the person and strike up a conversation. He shakes hands, compliments them, introduces himself. He never forgets a face either, so it’s not uncommon to see him waving to someone and asking them how they’re doing or if they need anything. He doesn’t infantilize the homeless either like many people do –– in short, he treats them like normal, healthy people. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t just give the homeless his left overs from a restaurant, but will buy a full meal to go for himself and for the other person and sit down and strike up a conversation about their life together. He is also known to give away some of his old clothes to his homeless friends casually, give them gifts for their birthdays and holidays and stuff. Todd gives his phone number out generously to homeless people he knows, letting them know he’s a safe place to come and talk to or to come to him if they need anything. if you’re with him out and about, expect to be delayed going anywhere if he sees homeless people he knows. He’ll introduce you to them, make small talk, and carry on as if he was talking to an old friend. Because to Todd, he doesn’t make the distinction between someone being homeless or not and being his friend. They are his friends by default.

subnote on the homeless. Todd/The Fox’s main enemy and villain is a name named Sebastian who uses, abuses, and manipulates the homeless population to do his bidding. Todd (as the Fox) has come across his friends beaten, abused, or even dead at the hands of Sebastian. It’s Todd’s innate understanding of just how vulnerable the homeless population that sets him on the track of hunting down Sebastian. Even if Todd never meets Sebastian, the Fox and Todd both serve as protectors for this type of vulnerable people which is WHY politicians hate The Fox.

children. Todd loves children, and having been a child who has experienced a serious amount of abuse and neglect, he notices those things in children very quickly. Even children he knows are well cared for, he often times becomes unbelievably protective of them. He’s known to strike up conversations with children while their parents are there and while they’re not. He knows sometimes it comes off the wrong way, but really he just enjoys making sure their okay and checking up on them. He also does not infantilize children at all, and tends to swear around them without realizing it too much. Most kids really like him, and he takes a vested interest in the children of his friends and family. He knows first hand how someone can make a situation look okay from the outside when really there is trouble at home. He trusts his friends and his family, but that skeptical part of him is always making sure the children in his life are okay.

women. Todd for awhile had a very complicated relationship with woman, but has since gotten over that and invested himself in the woman in his life. He will, and has, gotten revenge on behalf of women who have been wronged. He has a deep and vested understanding of what women face, even if he has never experienced it, he’s seen in while living on the streets. It’s a haunting thing to see, so he tends to put a lot of weight on a woman’s word far more than a man. as with everyone, he’s a skeptic of people’s true intentions a lot of the time, but he’s heard and seen his fair share of awful done to woman to feel an emboldened need to be their champion in dire situations. He is not under the impression that woman are helpless and need to be protected, but he is well aware of his abilities and privileges as not only a man, but as a masked vigilante to be able to serve up revenge or justice on their behalf.

final thoughts. i could go on and on about the many vulnerable types of people todd is protective over, but really what it boils down to is that he favours the people who have to fight a million times harder for everything in their lives, BECAUSE HE RELATES TO THEM. they’re the people he will befriend, they’re the people he will fight for, they’re the people that motivate him to put on that fox mask and try to do some fucking good even though morally he generally is more neutral. He cares about making THEIR world better, and no one else’s. I’m going to end this here before I get too lengthy, but this goes hand in hand with Todd’s distain for the rich and wealthy which I’ve talked about here.

#( this is a heavy one but it needed to get out there )#todd rebane ( general ).#todd rebane ( headcanon ).#abuse mention tw #homelessness mention tw

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autumnblogs · 4 years ago

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Day 44: Preoccupied about the same things as Trolls, revisited

Welcome back y’all! Before we get into this, I want to talk about the Condesce/Meenah as a parallel character to Mom Lalonde/Roxy. You can read a bit about @mmmmalo‘s takes on Openbound, and why they think that Meenah is symbolically Roxy’s Doppelganger here.

I want to call attention to some specific similarities between them, and while I think it’s a bit of a stretch, Homestuck draws parallels between characters all the time.

Both the Condesce and Mom Lalonde are matriarch figures estranged from their potential offspring by dire circumstances and servitude to a patriarchal authority and his time-spanning plan - for the Condesce, that’s English obviously, but for Mom Lalonde, that’s Grandpa Harley - servitude to his design renders her a wreck of an alcoholic forced to endure the end of days with no means to stop them from happening, living with a daughter who wants nothing to do her.

Both Meenah and Roxy are rebels against a repressive order, inclined to shirk their assigned Role in service to someone else’s master plan, but ultimately, through some roundabout means or another, give service to it anyway (for Meenah, scratching the game, and ultimately ending up English’s glorified slave for eons in the end; for Roxy, at first refusing to play Sburb in hopes of spiting the Batterwitch, but ultimately ending up playing into her schemes anyway).

They are both rebellious spirits who are repeatedly forced to participate in Paradox Space’s Alpha Timeline all but against their will by hegemonic forces, slaves to a system that they exist in perpetual rebellion against, and by the end of the comic, they both get to help strike a decisive blow against the ultimate foe. Unfortunately, unlike Roxy, Meenah is ultimately the kind of person who chooses at practically every occasion to continue cycles of abuse instead of breaking them. There is ultimately no possibility of reconciliation between these estranged sisters.

So, I see a lot of the Alpha Kids in the four Alpha Trolls who appear in this flash. As the Faux Heroic Himbo, the parallel between Rufioh and Jake is obvious. I don’t think that it’s fair to characterize Jake’s relationship with Dirk as being “cheating on Jane,” though that’s probably how Jane feels about the whole situation; I’ve always gotten the impression she feels entitled to him.

More after the break.

The imagery here is an obvious parallel between Jake and Dirk’s big damn kiss, and Rufioh and Horuss’s - but between Rufioh’s bravado and general obliviousness, and Horuss’s clear triangular parallel with Dirk and Equius, we should expect that the situation is switched here - Dirk = Horuss, Rufioh = Jake.

While it could easily just be a bit of extraneous characterization, I’m inclined to regard Rufioh’s characterization of the women in his life as “Dolls�� especially because of his symbolic proximity to Lord English. (He is at best one degree of separation from him, as Jake English’s Alpha Troll Doppelganger) - and the fact that Puppets and Dolls are pretty much synonymous with each other in terms of the way that English interacts with them.

More extremely obvious parallels.

Both of the Zahhaks have hangups about dating down the Hemospectrum, and as long as we’re examining Dirk through the lens of the Zahhaks, allow me to speculate; I think that part of the reason Dirk chooses not to directly identify with the label of gay is less aloofly progressive futurism, and more that he is uncomfortable with his own sexuality.

As a guy who repeatedly appeals to reactionary ideals and rhetorical devices like “Western Civilization,” “Reason,” “Logic,” maybe there is a degree to which we can read Horuss and Equius’ self-repression through the haemospectrum into Dirk suffering from internalized Homophobia.

This is a real long shot, but I’ve always gotten the impression that Dirk is a bit of a bottom. Maybe his desire in building up Jake into a powerful counterpart, like English’s desire to transform Jake into a powerful rival, is built out of a desire to be Oedipally usurped by a former pupil - to have his Eromenos turn the tables, and become the Erastes in turn, in power-dynamic terms.

In Classical Civilization, homosexual relations weren’t unheard of, and were pretty reasonably common, but it was seen as shameful to bottom, especially for someone of a lower social standing than you were (Julius Caesar was mocked as the Queen of Bithynia when it was rumored that he bottomed for Nicomedes IV, which was a serious attack on his political career).

Wild speculative tangent over.

Now this is interesting; Meenah is unwittingly drawing a parralel between Damara and Vriska. The main commonality between them is that, like Vriska (and also like Rose, and also like Jane - who is the fourth and final character in this particular set) her spite and resentment is used as the vector for English’s manipulation of their setting.

Like Vriska, Damara deliberately sabotages the ability of her session members to win, helping to create a powerful foe who forces a session to be scratched.

Like Rose, Damara descends into nihilistic substance abuse to cope with feelings of emptiness.

Like Jane, Damara’s actual feelings of emptiness come about as a result of feelings of rejection in relation to betrayal from within her close friendship circle.

Ironically, while Damara’s reaction is far worse than Jane’s, her anger is actually probably far more understandable - Jane is not entitled to Jake.

The situation between Horuss and Rufioh is also similar to what will resolve between Jake and Dirk shortly - they are just basically incompatible, or at least they will be until both parties do some work on themselves, but a combination of an oblivious party who can’t stop talking about himself, and social timidity on the part of the other prevents the situation from resolving amicably.

“As Long As I Know That I Am Free”

Sometimes, encountering our ancestors doesn’t have to be a source of tension, anxiety, expectation, and fear. Porrim models parental love for Kanaya in a way that, unusually for ancestors in Homestuck, is purely beneficial for her younger counterpart.

It’s okay to identify with roles and identities that have been corrupted or hegemonized by our culture. There’s nothing intrinsically bad about being a man, or about being a woman, as long as our embodiment of those roles is emancipatory to us.

Kanaya can still be a Mom, if that’s what she wants to be. Violence and money aren’t the only form that power can take.

Sometimes, learning the right lessons is just a matter of pausing for a second and being critical of all narratives; deciding for ourselves what we want to be. It’s the lesson that Porrim has to teach Kanaya.

This is just objectively true.

Aranea positions Rufioh as both a foil to Cronus, and to herself, further strengthening the Jake as Rufioh parallels.

What I think is really interesting about all this, is if we want to read the other three trolls as Jake, Dirk, and Jane, that makes Meenah the Roxy of this group! And while Roxy has never been vicious or deliberately cruel, there’s a certain resonance between her persistent hassling of Jane, her meddling in the Jake English Sweepstakes, and the disaster that it provokes, and Meenah’s bullying - I even early on in my first readthrough took a disliking to Roxy because of what I viewed as exactly that - bullying her counterparts, assertively trying to get them to behave the way she wanted.

https://homestuck.com/story/5401

Oh man, where to even begin with Karkat riding off into the Penis Sunset. Like, the Sun in relation to Dave is persistently an icon of Bro’s surveillance of him, and then there’s his burgeoning affection for Karkat (he mentions story time with Karkat in the third Openbound suggesting that he actually took Karkat up on his offer to read through trashy Troll Romance).

Like, there’s probably something in Dave’s troubled psyche that’s on display here but damn if I know what it is. Maybe he’s ruminating on the fact that Bro would probably not be too accepting of his relationship with Karkat, hence the juxtaposition of the symbol of Bro’s hostility with the imagery of Karkat riding a dick?

https://homestuck.com/story/5404

I don’t really need to explicate much on what Rose is trying to say, I think but just in case, here’s a little rundown of what she’s trying to explain.

The apple is a symbol of an irreducible idea. Many ideas are reducible - as molecules are reducible to atoms, and atoms are reducible to quarks and stuff, so are ideas reducible to increasingly more abstracted and basic units.

The closer to notionally irreducible a thing becomes, the more difficult it becomes to express an idea, until at last, that which is truly irreducible resolves, and reveals to us the true, intrinsic nature of reality. For every complex idea, we can refer to more fundamental ideas, until at last, we arrive at an idea, which when probed, responds back simply, “It just does that.”

This, I think, is that to which we ought to give the name of God; that force so fundamental that it truly does just do that.

In the world of Homestuck, Symbols, and with them, Rituals - stories! Are manifestations of the primeval and irreducible ideas. Everything else is a universe in orbit around the Divine - the Aspects themselves, perhaps, or something more fundamental than the Aspects even.

What makes reducing these stories to the irreducible principles that they allude to so difficult is that you’re effectively trying to explain the electromagnetic force by comparing it to rubber bands, when in fact, the electromagnetic force is what makes the rubber bands behave that way in the first place.

As a Ritual, Rose’s drinking is pretty similar to John’s Dad roleplaying - an attempt at unity with Her Mom. Another empty signifier.

https://homestuck.com/story/5405

Dave is already really embracing his new role as the actually most sincere and straightforward member of the party. Lovin’ it.

It’s kind of nice that Aradia and Vriska are getting along now. That’s gratifying for personal reasons.

Ah yeah, I forgot that was ever addressed officially.

https://homestuck.com/story/5435

The man

HASS the ring.

https://homestuck.com/story/5440

And with the depressingly empty Void session established via a single flash, we shall conclude for the evening.

Tomorrow, we’ll get to know our little villain.

For now, it’s Cam signing off, Alive, and a little Annoyed that I wasted a couple hours playing the Outriders Demo this afternoon. Seriously, what an aesthetically bleak and kind of mediocre-looking class-based cover shooter.

#liveblogging #commentary #pederasty mention #richard feynman

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restlessmaknae · 4 years ago

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promises for pride - present days

Beware of promises. You never know what they might turn you into.

Also; the downfall of a prince and his way of becoming one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

♦ Characters: pride!Seokjin x humility!OC

♦ Genre: demon au, seven deadly sins au, pride au, historical, angst, drama

♦ Words: 13k

♦ Warning: mentions of blood, death and the usual historical stuff

♦ promises for pride: past days (first half) / present days (second half)

🙝 9 🙞

Present day

Kim Seokjin died on 14th April in 937, a year after Myungeun's death. After Hubaekje's annexation, the three kingdoms were finally united and he had been a king for more than a year and a half when he got shot during an unnecessary war between the new kingdom and Chang'an, the capital of Tang. He died on the spot as an arrow was shot through his heart. How ironic was his last thought before he fell to the ground and closed his eyes for one last time.

He didn't want to become a Sin; he was chosen to be one. He couldn't do anything though; he would suffer even more if he protested against the demons’ will. Nonetheless, since he was now the Pride himself, of course he wouldn't mess it up and face failure because that would make him feel unworthy of his title.

After all, Pride was said to be the most foremost and serious of the Seven Deadly Sins. Pride was what changed angels into devils. It was the only Sin that had a virtuous side. Everyone knew that a well-balanced self-esteem was more of a gift than a curse but when people took it too far or they had the potential to take it too far, that's when his job started. Although the start was a bit like walking on a thorny road for him, he eventually managed to enjoy his life as a Sin and truth to be told, it couldn't have been better.

He saw as people turned into narcissist assholes who picked fights with everyone, merciless bosses who took their employees' diligence for granted, pedantic parents who set high expectations for their kids because they couldn't be satisfied with less than perfect and youngsters with dangerously corrupt selfishness who bullied their classmates because they thought that they had every right to bully them.

Humans were so easily manipulated. Seokjin didn't really have a hard time messing with their thoughts and vision. If whispering into their ears and living with them like a second voice weren’t sufficient enough, he would use mirrors as his ultimate weapon. He could make everyone believe that they were perfect, they were beautiful or handsome, they were loved and he could also make them see unrealistic (but undoubtedly seducing) alternatives.

Let's say that there was a girl with braces at the age of 13, feeling totally worthless. She convinced herself that she was ugly and fat and no one would love her thanks to the naughty comments that she got by her classmates. Yet, when Seokjin showed up, he made sure that she felt the opposite. She was special because she had braces and this way she would be even more beautiful. Therefore she's better than all her bullies. She can bully them now that she knows that she's better than them.

Note that Seokjin used tools to manipulate them but it was the girl that let him take over her thoughts and behaviour. He showed how she could change her life and instead of using his words only for self-comfort, she got carried away and totally turned the tables. If the human wasn't strong enough to say no to him, it was a piece of cake to play with their feelings and ruin their lives.

It would be an understatement to say that he was glad to play his role; he lived to be Pride. Just like his name suggests, he was more than happy to take everyone with him on an evil ride and show what happens at the end of the road; when you start to believe in yourself. Of course, with Seokjin's assistance, people believed in themselves too much but humans couldn't stop, they were just as obsessed with Pride as with food, money, appearance or achievements. It wasn't difficult to use them as his toys.

Luckily, Seokjin himself stayed as his 19-year-old self since he was only 19 years old when he died and Sins didn't age with time. If such a system hadn't existed, he would have been almost 1100 years old by now. He couldn't mind his young age at all because he knew that he wasn't a child anymore and none of the Sins looked at him as someone reckless or childish. They were perfectly aware of his passion for his Sin and they didn't look down on him. Not like they would have the right to do it.

After all, he was the most serious Sin. The first Pride was the one who turned Lucifer into Satan. Seokjin just made sure to get the demons’ hopes up. He motioned the French to start the revolution in 1789, he fuelled the communist policies of Mao Zedong which resulted in the Great Chinese Famine, he was the one who whispered into Stalin's ears to force the starvation genocide against the Ukraine which we commonly call by the name of Holodomor and he was there when the two world wars happened and even after when Jews were systematically murdered during the Holocaust. Of course, he was there every single time. He didn't fail his mission. He was Pride and pride was the number one reason why the most terrible events of human history took place.

There were only two tiny things that bothered him throughout those long years. One was that he still remembered all of his memories from his human life. He had heard that there was a Sin that had only blurry memories and couldn't really solve the puzzle of his life but he remembered it all. And he pitied himself, he pitied how weak, fragile and naive he used to be. He pitied how he had hoped that his brothers would change but they never did. He pitied how he couldn't overcome his anxiety and step on the throne earlier.

Besides pity, he didn't regret anything. Not even that one last war between Goryeo and Chang'na. Not even the annexing of Hubaekje and Silla. He was proud of what he had done and he was sure that if his father still lived, he would say that he was proud, too. Looking back now, he didn't even know why Myungeun had meant so much to him. Unfortunately, she couldn't see the big picture − that what he had done was for a greater purpose, it was for a stronger and bigger Goryeo. He re-wrote history yet she couldn't see it. He always felt a kind of hollowness when he thought of her but it was nothing compared to that devastating pain that he had experienced when he held her dead body in the middle of the battlefield.

The other thing that bothered him was the lack of company. He really didn't need a woman in his life to make him feel complete but he could use some company once in a while. All Sins were preoccupied with their own duties, they didn't have time to fool around and throw parties. (Maybe except Lust who literally ran a nightclub, so if we take that into consideration, he was always partying.) He enjoyed that he could dye his hair in whatever colour he wanted (he opted for cotton candy pink at that time) and try on whatever clothes he laid his eyes on, eat whatever food he wanted but it got boring after a while.

To spend his spare time, he liked to mess with some demons that were inferior to him. One of them was Lee Jaehwan who was actually a nice guy but he was such a blabbermouth, he always talked about gossips that didn't interest him. Not to mention that he couldn’t waste his precious time on nasty gossip. It would hurt his pride.

Yet, that day he could say something interesting that piqued the Sin’s curiosity.

"I have some news for you," Jaehwan bowed with respect as he approached Seokjin but the demon merely shrugged it off. Jaehwan was known to be an undercover demon who usually hung out with angels or the Virtues themselves because he really had the face of an angel and no one would suspect that he was actually a demon.

"I don't have lots of time now, so keep it to yourself until I get back," he patted Jaehwan's shoulder as he tried to pass by him but the other demon's words caught him off-guard. He didn't expect what kind of news he would really have.

"Your opposite Virtue, the pretty Humility is actually looking for you."

Frankly, he didn't imagine such news. Why on Earth was Humility looking for him? She was too good to even consider hurting him despite the fact that she could easily destroy him with a single touch of her hand. Okay, maybe not a single one but if an entirely selfless soul like the Virtue herself − or a human with the same abilities − touched him for a long time, it would feel like his whole body was on fire. It would destroy him.

However, due to the fact that Humility was a Virtue, killing a Sin would probably never even cross her mind, so why would she look for him?

Now, it was time to interrogate Jaehwan.

🙝 10 🙞

“What do you mean by looking for me?” Seokjin raised his eyebrows in question, apparently unable to process what he had just heard. The news was nonsense. Why on Earth (or in Hell) Humility would be searching for him? That made no sense.

“I don’t actually know,” the other demon shrugged. His features were manly and sharp and even though Pride was so much older than him, Jaehwan was actually older than him in human age, so it was a peculiar sight when they were talking and Jaehwan acted like a scaredy-cat besides the Sin.

Seokjin didn’t care about the age gap between him and other demons as he always emphasised that tiny little fact that he would at least stay young forever. By the way, he knew well that everyone envied his gorgeous face and well-built body. He was literally fine as Hell. He knew he looked astonishingly handsome, even some cheap female demons were chasing after him yet he ignored them every single time they tried to hit on him. Love wasn’t a definition for him, plus he didn’t want to waste his precious time on such pitiful things like romance. Only humans and weak-hearted demons did that but he wasn’t one of them.

“I’ve just passed by an angel who said that Humility was on edge lately because she couldn’t find someone whom she wanted to. Later, I heard that she was looking for you but God knows why?” he pouted in a deadpan manner, making Seokjin more than angry with his flat response.

Pride took a step closer to the taller guy and grabbed the collar of his shirt. Jaehwan’s eyes widened in fear, not to mention his cheeks that were almost on fire. Even his ears turned red when the Sin’s voice rose higher.

“You better snoop on her because I won’t believe you until you tell me why she’s after me,” he gritted his teeth, shaking his head in disbelief. Did that lower-class demon really dare to assume that he was interested in such gossip? Did he think that he had time for this?

He was a busy man, he was a Sin after all and nothing could indicate his excellence better than the fact that he had been a Sin for more than a thousand years. That was a huge accomplishment; neither of the previous Prides was as successful as him. One didn’t do his job properly and started behaving like a good person, so he was fired. One was distracted by the issues of his own descendants, so he held the record for the shortest period as a Sin while another one fell in love with a human and that particular human was so pure and selfless that her touch killed him.

Oh yes, if he forgot to mention, there was only one thing that could make him weak or even destroy him. That was the touch of an entirely selfless soul. Of course, it could only happen if the soul was absolutely and entirely selfless but it was just as rare as the times when Jin didn’t look good.

However, even if he was his demon self, there was still some risk that he could get hurt. If he happened to get in physical touch with any of the Virtues, he could seriously get hurt or even die if they touched him constantly for several minutes. The touch was almost like playing with fire; he literally felt like he got burnt when their arms brushed with his. He knew that by experience because when he started as a Sin he was so reckless that he wouldn’t believe in this whole “touch of an entirely selfless soul” garbage and looked for a Virtue on purpose to touch her. He still got the scar on his palm that he had obtained that day.

“O-of course, I’ll do that,” Jaehwan stuttered nervously and gulped. He tried to look away because he felt like the ground would consume him if their gazes met. That’s how mighty Seokjin’s look was.

“Good,” Pride boasted a satisfied grin and let him go. “Now, go! I don’t want to see you again until you find out why Humility is looking for me. Got it?” his voice resonated like it was the sound of the thunder, small wonder why the low-class demon shivered in fear. He looked like he could pass out in any minute but that was exactly the kind of reaction Seokjin wanted to get.

In the blink of an eye, Jaehwan nodded his head vigorously and disappeared into thin air. Pride was aiming for such a cowardly response, yet he was still quite proud of his confident confrontation. He could recall the times when he was only a weak, naïve little kid whom everyone liked to bully. He pitied that side of him so bad. His human self was one that he wished to forget. He hated how small and scared he was. How pathetic.

He was a coward and Myungeun was one to blame for it. If it wouldn’t be for his father’s last wish, he wouldn’t have overcome his pitifulness. Believing her promises was a mistake. Falling in love with her was a mistake. She caused more harm than good. She couldn’t see that he only wanted to unite the kingdoms and create something stronger than Silla, Hubaekje and Goryeo by themselves. If she had given in, he wouldn’t have to take over Hubaekje using violence and shedding blood. It was all her fault.

At least, that’s what he said to himself. That’s how he tried to suppress his guilt and human emotions. However, as a Sin, it was inevitable that he thought differently of his human life. Becoming one of those high-class demons required a lot of personal traits that even criminals didn’t possess. Sins had to make something awful to become one. Kim Seokjin killed thousands of innocent people just to nourish his pride and unite the three kingdoms. He even killed Myungeun and her family, the royal family of Hubaekje. One by one. Without fear. Without guilt. Without humility. The Sin was already working hard in him and took over his life just like a drug would make someone addicted. He was addicted to Pride, he couldn’t say no to the evil and whenever he couldn’t feel it within him, he felt lost, he felt as if his life didn’t have a purpose. Even his death was connected to that certain Sin of his; if he hadn’t been so eager to take over Chang'an, he wouldn’t have died.

Yet, he couldn’t mind how his life turned out in the end. That last part of his life was what made him proud. Sadly, that was all he found important. Everything before that seemed unnecessary, childish and humiliating.

No wonder why he made a great Sin; he wasn’t even a human at heart, not anymore.

Not like he seemed human in the last part of his life…

🙝 11 🙞

Kim Seokjin's favourite pastime activity (or so he called that) was messing with the little humans' feelings. Not like it wasn't his full-time job but he didn't see it as a challenge. That so-called work for him was when he needed to convince a famous person − for instance, a politician − who also tried to manipulate others, so doing the same to someone who had already used the tricks of manipulation was both troublesome and time-consuming. He enjoyed every bit of it though.

So where was Pride actually? He was everywhere; in human form, in demon form, in the humans' dreams, in their head, with their reflection in the mirror... he was literally everywhere. Just like other Sins, he used teleportation to get to places but since it was limited, he made sure to have bases all around the world. He had one in Seoul, in Dubai, in Melbourne, in London, in Paris, in Los Angeles and in Egypt, too. They were all some sorts of luxurious places that someone as selfish as Pride himself would visit – casinos, 5 star hotels, banks, exhibition halls filled with paintings that each worth millions of dollars.

His bases weren’t necessarily a sign of arrogance or dignity; yet people turned those places into useless competitions and fierce battlefields. As self-confidence was within anyone, Pride only needed a triggering factor to start spreading through their veins like viruses. After that, there was no turning back.

Frankly, some people didn't have a lot to do with Pride. Of course, there were still such people around the world who were almost entirely selfless but it was rare. In this technologically-driven society where everyone wanted to compete in the worldwide race, he didn't really have a difficult job.

He was there when kids fought who's the smartest; when youngsters talked back to their relatives or to their superiors; he was there when high schoolers took the CSATs; he was there during any contests (especially beauty contests, it seemed that the competition was a matter of life and death for ladies) and he also assisted with break-ups. If love took an unfortunate (or a fortunate one for him) turn, Pride immediately crept its way into the lovers' hearts. There was a thin line between equality and superiority and most of the humans didn't notice when they reached the latter one.

Sometimes he had to be on the spot − either in human form or in demon form − to seduce the little humans, sometimes he didn't even have to be in their thoughts because people were naturally born to be selfish and prideful. As soon as they sinned, he felt as if there was some unseen force charging him up. He became powerful and his heart − that was actually not beating since the day he died − felt alive again. He felt invincible like he could take over the whole world.

This way, it came as no surprise that Sins were the second highest ranked demons in the underworld. There was just one above them − Lucifer. In the modern people's words, he was their boss. That didn't necessarily mean that he watched their every step because he liked to mind his own business, so until they didn't do anything unforgettable − in other words, anything good −, Lucifer didn't tease the Sins, nor did he reprimand them. He was there as an example, a role model and a living legend. Rumour has it that one of the previous Prides was the one who turned Lucifer into Satan and Pride himself was also the one who changed angels into devils. On the other hand, Humility’s job was to turn exceptionally generous and kind-hearted men into angels.

Like there was the North and South Pole, the Sun and the Moon, black and white, good and evil, Sins weren’t the only ones who looked after our world but their female opposites existed too − the Virtues. Both groups contributed to the balance of the world and despite the fact that Virtues occasionally seemed to be more powerful, most of the time Sins were the ones who ruled the world.

If we look at that way, ever since Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden apple, humans were meant to be sinners. It was easier for them to do something bad rather than something good. Therefore, Virtues had a prominently tough job nowadays as the world was becoming more and more evil.

Taking the current situation into consideration, maybe Humility wanted to seal a deal with Seokjin. Whereas, he was smarter than sealing a deal with a Virtue and so she should have been smarter, too. He never made a deal with good people. It wasn't his cup of tea – it might sound odd but for him, it equalled something disgusting and dirty. It was against his own rules. It was against his Pride.

Concerning that he hadn’t really met a Virtue in person (he encountered Patience once when he wanted to see if that “touch of an entirely selfless soul” worked in real life but that was all), let alone Humility, he couldn't even imagine what was waiting for him. Not to mention that he hadn’t even encountered that particular Virtue in all his life as a Sin. He didn’t really have time to sit down for an afternoon tea along a freshly-baked croissant at a Derbyshire tearoom with the lovely Humility.

So why now? Why was he so important all of the sudden? He didn’t remember that he had committed any crime – or to be precise, he didn’t do anything that could be considered good. Not until the day they finally met did he realise why she had been looking for him.

“Good to see you again, Jin,” a gentle female voice called from behind when he was currently in Paris, disguised in demon form, hiding behind a wall, stalking a young lad whom he wanted to manipulate to believe that he was better than the guy who had previously bullied him. He knew that nobody deserved to be bullied and that the kid should fight back. Nonetheless, Pride didn’t want the scene to just stop there. He wanted to take the young boy to the depth of his Sin.

Despite all his will and pride, Seokjin couldn’t help but turn around at the familiar yet long-forgotten nickname. He was sure that no one knew of this particular name, except one single person, therefore no one could call him by Jin, except…

“Myungeun?” the words unconsciously left his lips like a raindrop streaming down the window; slowly, reluctantly but steadily. If his heart had still beaten, he was sure that it would have skipped a beat.

Honestly, she looked just as breath-taking as always – if not more. The way her long, raven-black hair fell lusciously over her shoulders was mesmerizing. Her beautiful big doe eyes – those obsidian-black wonders – were shining with fondness just like in the good old days. She was so young and beautiful like a daydream on a summer midnight – it seemed that she could vanish in any minute, that’s why he was even afraid to touch her. Now that she was in front of him, he was left staring at her. All his words abandoned him along with his stupid Pride.

There was one single thing about her that he couldn’t process. It was the reason why his thoughts were tangled. Firstly, she was as young as when he had last seen her, so that could only mean one thing: she didn’t age with time. On top of that, there was something not human-like about her, something ethereal. He was sure that he was merely hallucinating things. He was more than 1000 years old and the appearance of such mental disorders increases by age, so it could happen in his case as well.

“Yes, it’s me, Jin,” she nodded as a gentle smile was forming on her rosy-coloured lips.” Although they know me better as Humility nowadays.”

Seokjin had never been more flabbergasted all his life.

🙝 12 🙞

Paris always had a special place in his heart. Everything about this city was so sinful, luxurious and one of a kind. Ever since the French Revolution took place, he was fond of coming back and spoiling people. French were said to be snobbish and rude. It was so much fun to watch them play his stupid little games.

Conversely, seeing someone as pure as Myungeun in that smoke-filled alley with horrendous and disgraceful graffiti painting the walls around them was remarkably odd. She seemed out of place. On the other hand, Humility didn’t find the sight peculiar − to see him in Paris. It was one of his favourite cities, the rumours said. Though she didn’t like to believe all those nasty and outrageous rumours because she didn’t judge anyone based on the gossips but now she understood why they claimed that Paris suited the one and only Pride well.

He looked like he was born to be French; although his features were of a typical Korean descendant, his sense of fashion and his cotton candy pink hair was anything but ordinary. Contrary to his young (human) age, he wore a properly fitted and ironed white shirt, a black suit, black cotton trousers with beige belt and elegant leather shoes. His pink hair was neatly parted and his neck was decorated with an oh so popular choker. He looked chic and stylish. He looked prominently spectacular, even in his demon form.

“Why were you looking for me?” Seokjin inquired nonchalantly as he couldn’t suppress a smug smile, seeing that the Virtue was eyeing him top to bottom. When she heard his question, she averted her eyes back to his face and that made him feel all sorts of inexplicable emotions.

“I wanted to see for myself if you are really the Seokjin that I used to know.”

“Well, I am as you can see,” he flung his arms in the air, a little taken aback by the fact that she wanted only this much.

He was Pride after all. He sought after an answer like I wanted to see the Sin that is over a 1000 years old and still ruining lives or I wish I sealed a deal with Pride because I can’t keep up with all these sinful people. Compared to his expectations, her answer was too dull. Too mundane.

“Well, if you only wanted to know this much… Pardon me but I have better things to do,” he cleared his throat in an attempt to turn back to that young lad but she insisted on prying into his life even more.

“Do you remember me? Your past?” her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. He was aware that not all the Sins knew of their human lives, let alone the people who they had encountered while they were still living. Luckily (or not), he was one of those who did. That didn’t matter a single bit. At least not for him.

“I remember everything but I wouldn’t regret anything,” he puffed his chest out in pride, taking in her sight. She sure changed; she looked less naïve and childish than the last time he had seen her but she still had that unfathomable aura to her. She looked pretty like the cherry trees during spring with her pure white dress that was so long that it covered her legs but she was holy like a real angel. After all, she was one of them. As Sins were high-class demons, Virtues were high-class angels. Just the little humans didn’t know anything about the world they lived in.

“Not even killing thousands of innocent people? Parents, grandparents, children, relatives, friends and lovers?” Humility asked with a hurtful expression.

“No, not even that,” he shook his head fervently and flashed an evil grin. “That was the best part.”

“It seems that it’s true what they say,” the Virtue murmured quietly but Seokjin could still hear her words. His hearing was exceptionally good.

“They say what?” he furrowed his eyebrows in question. Demons said a lot about him; like he was the most handsome Sin out of all (he was worldwide handsome, that was a fact) and that he was the original one and the other Sins showed up only after his appearance. He couldn’t argue with any of them, their compliments pushed his initially high self-esteem even higher.

“That being a Sin makes you think differently of your past,” the Virtue mused on the fact, her face slowly dissolving into a somewhat dishonest flinch.

“I don’t think differently of my past. You are the one who couldn’t accept the confident side of me, even when we were still humans,” Pride pointed out without shame and the expression on Humility’s face could tell hundreds of tales at once; she was undeniably hurt by his words but she was more like disappointed. Baffled.

“Pride started to consume you in front of my eyes and even though I tried to stop you, you couldn’t be stopped. Nor did my promises,” she shook her head agitatedly, looking down at her intertwined hands.

If he had been a human, he would have hugged her to prove that she was wrong but he wasn’t a human anymore. All he could do was to counter-attack her in a not-so-gentle manner. He wasn’t a Sin for nothing. He wasn’t innocent, nor kind anymore. He wasn’t good at all. He was the epitome of evil. The definition of Sin.

“You and your stupid promises!” he huffed is disbelief. How dare she bring up her promises, for crying out loud. “If it hadn’t been for those promises, I wouldn’t have become a Sin.”

“You were the one who broke them, not me!” Myungeun spoke up, her voice shaking a bit as the tension in the air was rising.

“You were the one who set high expectations for me that I couldn’t reach! It’s not my fault that I made mistakes but it’s yours that you still believed that I was a good person! I was never a good one and you should have seen it!” he spluttered the words as his voice rose higher and higher. The alley resonated his furious response but concerning that he was in demon form, humans couldn’t hear any of it.

But Myungeun could and it would have been a lie to say that she was ready for such an abusive confession. Judged by the sudden paleness on her face, she had probably never considered that he felt guilty for breaking her promises and blamed her for believing that he was a good soul. He wasn’t an innocent child, not even in the beginning but she saw it otherwise.

“You were a good one until your father died,” she added quietly as her long fingers were toying with the rims of her dress.

“That’s not true. He didn’t spoil me. He was the one who opened my eyes and made me see that the world was harsh. I only wanted to make him proud,” he answered matter-of-factly, not knowing why it was so hard for her to understand. Humility was either blind or too generous to see that he was born to be a sinner. Not only was he born to be a sinner but he was also born to be a Sin.

“Make him proud by taking innocent lives?” she raised her eyebrows in question, another flinch making its way onto her face. “You never agreed with that kind of policy,” she reminded him but he was too carried away with him being a demon that he wouldn’t admit that she was right.

It was almost like the winter fog; he couldn’t touch it, it wasn’t made of any material that could be seen with his eyes but he always felt its presence. Its mysterious, dark and captivating presence. That was how living as a Sin was like. He knew deep down that his past wasn’t like how he had remembered. It was like telling someone a fib that even you couldn’t believe. Yet, he couldn’t really help. An unseen virus was already working in him that forced him to think and speak differently. Liar became his middle name.

“If people hadn’t been so stubborn, I would have used other methods,” he shrugged his shoulder like he wasn’t talking about killing off innocent people just because they didn’t want to let him take over their kingdom.

“I’ve heard that you killed my family, too,” Myungeun decided to look back at him at this exact moment, so Pride could easily catch sight of the pearl-like teardrops welling up at the corner of her eyes. If she was about to talk about his past, why would she even search for him? She knew what happened and she probably knew that he would be in denial. So did she want to test the waters or what?

“I did,” he admitted shamelessly.

“Did you enjoy it?” she wanted to know between soundless sobs. He couldn’t help but snicker at her question. Was she playing on the emotional side now? Oh, she was indeed cunning. More cunning than he had assumed that a Virtue would be.

However, as soon as he wanted to open his mouth to say something, his inner voice was of his faster’s and it told him the answer right away. No, I didn’t. Seokjin was flabbergasted at the sudden change in his own train of thoughts. It was one of those moments; when he could feel that something was odd. His human side came to surface and confused his demon side. They were always within him but most of the time it was his demon self that was superior.

Yet, there were those clicks like when you change the channel and until you turn into a new show, there’s this switch where you don’t really watch the previous but not even the following show. It was the same with him; he didn’t belong to any side in those moments.

Luckily, it took only a second or so to snap himself back to his senses. He decided to ignore her question and just ask her instead.

“Anyway, how did you find me?” he furrowed his eyebrows in question because it piqued his curiosity ever since they met that day. Sins couldn’t simply be found as they were everywhere and nowhere at the same time. They were like the Moon during daytime; they were around them but humans couldn’t see them.

“A demon hunter owed me a favour after I assisted her with her tattoos that would protect her from all the Sins. So I asked her to find out where you are because I’ve been searching for you after I got to know that you might be that so-called King Seokjin who united the Later Three Kingdoms. Up until now, my search wasn’t fruitful,” she explained in detail but he still couldn’t understand her. In the end, he opted for the easiest option; he merely threw the question at her.

“Why did it matter that I was that so-called King Seokjin or not?”

“Because−“ she started bluntly but closed her mouth within a second. She was searching for the right words to say, even though she was so overwhelmed by her own feelings that she couldn’t imagine that words would be enough to describe how she felt. “I wanted to see you,” she nibbled her lower lip coyly and it would have been an adorable sight if he hadn’t been the most serious Sin and she hadn’t been a Virtue. Considering their current situation, it was almost ridiculous. At least, for Seokjin.

“You wanted to see me?” his eyes widened in amusement. He clearly didn’t care about the suppressed tears at the corner of her eyes or the devastated expression displaying on her heart-shaped face. “I know that everyone wants to see my handsome face but I don’t think it was worth the favour.”

“You know, I have more of my human side than you and for me, it was worth it,” she declared a bit blatantly compared to a Virtue but he didn’t care about such things. He couldn’t. He was the definition of evil, ignorance and self-indulgence.

“Did I meet your expectations?” he elevated an eyebrow in question while he was slowly donning a teasing grin.

“No,” she blurted out without vagueness. “You are just as evil as I had expected,” she acknowledged without blinking an eye.

“Ouch!” Seokjin placed a hand over his chest, acting like her words bite into him. The truth couldn’t have been further from that. “Was that supposed to make me feel bad? Guilty perhaps?” he clicked his tongue, challengingly taking one step closer to her. Despite his assumption, she didn’t even budge.

“Do you remember what it’s like to feel anything besides pride? To adore the sunset? To smell the fragrance of flowers? To watch kids chasing each other on a playground? To read a poem for your own entertainment? Do you even remember what it’s like to feel?” she was thinking out loud, demanding one answer after another. Her voice cracked a little at the end, making it obvious that she was scared to voice out her own concerns.

Her rambling somehow touched him. Not in a really emotional way but he didn’t feel as neutral as before. While she seemed terrified to get her answers, he was afraid that his bewilderment was obvious. So he had to make sure that Humility didn’t see how much he weakened at her words.

“I feel, just not as you do,” he concluded dryly and without warning, he evaporated. He used his teleportation skills to get to his favourite casino in Dubai and to forget about that conversation with Myungeun.

Leaving without a proper goodbye was a habit of theirs and not even time could break it.

🙝 13 🙞

Pride was supposed to carry on with his usual life.

He was supposed to spoil people, whisper sinful things into humans' ears, mess with their childish feelings, let them bring each other down (and actually motion them to do so), steal their dreams and take away their hope. He was supposed to show up here and there and grasp everyone no matter their age, status, gender or their passion. He was within everyone since every single human being was selfish in one way or another. They were born to be selfish. From the moment they opened their eyes for the first time, it was inevitable that they gave in to Pride. After all, it was a part of them, it was just as essential for their everyday life as their own heart − they couldn't get rid of it, they were born with it, they were living with it, they were breathing with it. It was one of their multiple sides, it was the darker, the evil side. The unfortunate circumstances that could trigger the sinful behaviour were just oil to the fire.

Yet, there was something that he couldn't get over and it interfered with his daily life as the most serious Sins. It was what Humility had said to him. Do you even remember what it’s like to feel?

Did he? His sudden, wrathful answer must have been a mumbled of course. Of course, he felt emotions. He was full of pride. His feelings were chained to him and his nature. His demon nature, to be exact. Pride was like a prisoner that was kept in a cage. He could have ran away from his fate but there was no use. It would get back to him sooner or later and it would drive him totally crazy despite all his will. He knew how to feel. That was all he was doing every single day, in every single minute and second.

He felt the selfish desire of humans, their hunger for fame, success and love. Their arrogance and pettiness which made them do all sorts of crazy and unacceptable things. They wanted to take over the world, be greater than God himself and compete for the first place. Their arrogance was so disgusting in his eyes. They couldn't even bring up their own kids, how did they believe that they would be worthy of leading others? How? That was Seokjin's biggest question and he didn't seem to find an answer, not even after living for more than 1100 years as a Sin.

To make things clear, Pride wasn't fond of the idea that God existed. He didn't believe such nonsense until he saw that so-called creature of the world with his own eyes. After all, if God existed, why wouldn't he have a say in the matters of the world? Why wouldn't he stop the Sins as they were gathering more and more slaves as time went by?

He felt. Really, he felt lots of things. Just not the ones that Myungeun had mentioned and it bothered him as Hell. He couldn't really know what was going on with him, he felt as if he was about to burst. He felt as his throat was stuffed with little feathers that made it impossible for him to breathe properly. He was a dying whale that wanted to grasp for some air but he couldn't and the lack of oxygen suffocated him. He was underwater, drowning in confusion accompanied by all those bittersweet memories that came back thanks to her words. Memories of him and Myungeun. Why did they seem lovely all of a sudden? Why didn't they seem wrong or merely disgusting? Why? Just why?

Of course, as professional as he was, he tried his best to keep his internal turmoil at bay. After all, no one had a guide for a Sin who began to have feelings other than arrogance and selfishness, right? So what could he possibly do to feel like he was still in control of his emotions?

That's right. Yelling at a lower-class demon. Sadly (or not), it was Jaehwan's lucky day. He happened to be the one who came to Pride's mind as soon as he got back from Tokyo, so he turned out to be the one at whom he relieved his stress.

"Did you find out why Humility was looking for me?" he narrowed his eyebrows as he was looking at the other demon.

They were at Seokjin's luxurious suite in Seoul, both in human form, since it was what he had asked for. Jaehwan apparently wasn't glad to hear that Pride wanted to talk to him but he had no choice. He had to be there for him because if he didn't, he would die. Not like he didn't have the possibility to die even when he met up with his superior but at least he tried.

Pride knew that he didn't look up the issue. He was also aware that Jaehwan had no idea that the said Virtue had already visited him and gave him the reason herself. On the other hand, he was a Sin. He had fun toying with others, seeing as their eyelashes fluttered, as they gulped nervously or mumbled like an anxious teenager, searching for the right words to say. Jaehwan was no exception.

"Actually, I couldn't find anything..." his voice trailed off at the end, his gaze darting around the room. Seokjin rolled his eyes in annoyance. Just as expected.

"You couldn't or you didn't even try?" Seokjin took a step closer to him, almost forcing him with his mere presence to look up. He knew the truth, of course he knew, he could easily read his mind and on top of everything, he knew Jaehwan since the day the other guy became a demon, so he didn't have a tough job. It was funny how a previous hitman was acting like a scared little kitten in front of a Sin.

"I tried to but−"

"Don't lie to me, Jaehwan!" he raised his voice and took another step. His face was only a few inches apart from his and he used Jaehwan’s cowardly behaviour as an excuse to slap him in the face. He didn't protest and Seokjin couldn't actually help but gloat at his victory. He found joy in others' pain. He sometimes wondered if such merciless behaviour was a must when someone became a Sin.

"I-I-I'm sorry, sir," he stuttered like a little kid who had been reprimanded by his parents.

"You can be sorry."

"That won't happen again. I promise," he put his hand over his heart and even looked up to prove that he was thinking his words seriously.

The word 'promise' left a bitter aftertaste in Pride’s mouth. The promises from his past came to his mind and he couldn't get away from all the emotions that accompanied the sudden flashbacks.

"Damn it, Jaehwan!" he exclaimed furiously, making the other slightly bounce in surprise. Others would think that he was used to Pride's outbursts but most of the time he was characteristically quiet like a businessman who was already prepared for the worst outcome. Right now, even Jaehwan seemed to throw his usual calmness out of the window.

"Why would you promise something that you know you can't keep?" Pride flung his arms in the air because he had to occupy his hands if he didn't want to punch him in the face again. Even though his hands itched for a second round, he knew how to play well. He wanted to threaten Jaehwan, not beat him up.

"I want to try to keep it," the lower-class demon made an attempt to clear the rising tension in the air but the Sin merely shrugged his promise off.

"Instead of your petty promises, you can help me find a way to destroy a Virtue," he offered matter-of-factly but it was more of a demand than an actual favour. Jaehwan's eyes immediately widened in fear but Seokjin didn't expect anything less. After all, one of the highest-ranked demons was in front of him, of course he would be bewildered to hear that a Sin was about to destroy a Virtue.

"D-do you want to destroy Humility?" he panted in short, his voice a bit forlorn. Seokjin could clearly sense his bafflement and worry. He could see the little drops of sweat sliding down his cheeks. He could feel his dismay.

"I have to. She keeps getting on my nerves," he shrugged nonchalantly as he wasn't talking about killing a Virtue but suggesting a movie night out. Initially, he didn't intend to take away Myungeun’s life but that was the only solution to solve his current problem. To get rid of all those infuriating feelings and disturbing flashbacks.

"But you know that you will also die if you kill her with your selfish touch," Jaehwan warned him as if he didn't keep it in mind for already a millennium. Just like the touch of an entirely selfless soul could kill Pride, the touch of an entirely selfish soul could also kill Humility. That's why he tried to avoid her as much as possible. His life was too vulnerable for him. He was proud of what he had committed through all those years. He didn’t want to throw it away, that’s why he wanted to find another way rather than taking his own life.

"Like I don't know," he rebuked Jaehwan with his typically menacing voice, his patience already wearing thin. "That's why we have to find another way. Are you in or not?" he questioned cunningly in order to test the waters. Not like the lower-class demon had a choice. He was just fooling around but he sure enjoyed every bit of his one-man show.

"I'm in," Jaehwan bobbed his head in submission. His answer wasn't the most convincing one but at least it was an answer.

The game was already on. And it was really the matter of life and death.

Or should he say the matter of after-life and definite death?

🙝 14 🙞

The task was harder than he had expected.

It seemed that he had the silliest weakness out of all the 7 Deadly Sins. For Lust and Gluttony, it was any item that was previously blessed by Chastity or Temperance – aka their opposite Virtues. For Wrath, it was any weapon containing or coated in daffodil oil. A hairpin which was rumoured to be Greed’s brother was said to be Sin's weakness while Envy wasn’t particularly fond of pigeons. Seokjin didn’t have any information regarding Sloth’s possible triggers but who knew? Anything could happen when it came to the underworld’s creatures.

Meanwhile, he was there with that sentimental “a touch of an entirely selfless soul” garbage that could have been a line out of a fairy tale. He had outright laughed at Lucifer when he first told him about his weakness. It was after he had been promoted and he was announced to be the next Pride. He was actually a mere lower-class demon for almost 5 years when the previous Pride died of love. He fell in love with a human which was actually not a written rule but anyone knew down there that if a demon – let alone a Sin! − fell in love with a human, they wouldn’t be able to act as viciously as they were supposed to, therefore they wouldn’t do their job properly, therefore they would be fired – in single words killed.

How pathetic. Seokjin was sure that he would never make that mistake. He was just as sure about it as he was of his good looks. He wasn’t a good-looking royal only when he was the king of Goryeo but he was still handsome after his death. Nobody could disagree with it and honestly nobody would. It was a fact, Pride knew that he was the handsomest demon of all times.

Anyway, where was he? Oh yes, before he immersed into his state-of-the-art features, he wanted to fume because he couldn’t find a way to get rid of Humility without killing himself. He visited some ancient demons who were said to be demons even before people started to track time. He asked Jaehwan to look into previous Sins and Virtues’ history to see if there was any similar case. He even searched for Lust who couldn’t care less about his childish plays until he didn’t bring him some girls. He did everything, looked everywhere but to no avail.

“God must exist after all. It’s certainly his way to protect his beloved Virtues,” he lamented to his reflection in the mirror, standing in the living room of his suite in Dubai.

The current problem piqued his curiosity and nestled into his mind. It was absolutely annoying. It wasn’t like a pitiful bug that he could just kill with a wave of his hand. It was the most tremendous obstacle that he had to deal with. He knew that he was the one who created this whole mess but he couldn’t stop. Not now.

The problem was that he couldn’t even sleep because flashbacks and nightmares were hunting him, forcing him to wake up and make sure that he was alive, he was still Pride and Humility with her killer touch was nowhere to be found. As gibberish as it sounds, he couldn’t do anything to avoid the memories coming back, not even with all his supernatural powers. Sleeping wasn’t something that he could control. After he became a demon, he still opted for sleeping although he wasn’t a human being and he didn’t have human needs. He merely liked the feeling after a long sleep and the fact that he was alone in the dark with his thoughts. He was selfish, wasn’t he? He needed time to himself.

That time was now a thing of the past as he even gave up on sleeping to make sure that the memories wouldn’t follow him when he closed his eyes and became one with the dreamworld. If there was anything that he feared these days, it was sleeping. The memories didn’t just attack him but slapped him in the face, vigorously just like a fighter would do. Not once, not twice but multiple times. He felt a lot of things while being Pride but he never felt pain. The sudden spike of pain that was rushing through him once the memory lane grabbed him was anything but enjoyable. It was terrifying. Despite the fact that he didn’t have a beating heart anymore, he felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his ribcage every single time. The misery was excruciating.

He didn’t let it affect his job though but it seemed that Lucifer somehow found out that he was acting oddly in the past few weeks. At least, that’s what he assumed when Jaehwan informed him that the highest-ranked demon wanted to see him. Of course, Lucifer could have just teleported right beside Seokjin but Lucifer was a busy man. If one didn’t want to go to him in person, he wouldn’t want to waste his precious time with their business. Period.

Seokjin had one option and that was visiting the demon above all who had his special office on top of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. It was actually invisible to the human eye, the little humans thought that it wasn’t possible to enter the highest floor. How blind they were to all things supernatural.

As soon as Seokjin knocked on the door, he heard an inpatient yes from inside, so he swiftly opened it and entered his office. He had been there multiple times before – usually for a meeting after a century or when Lucifer announced a new Sin – but it was decorated differently than last time. Black used to dominate on the walls but now it was red, to be precise crimson-red. The huge windows still offered a magnificent view of the busy city streets while the paintings on the walls represented the 7 Sins and the demons’ activities. The guy sure had a chic yet modest style.

People must have imagined Lucifer as someone significantly tall with well-built muscles, so that he can scare away the lower-class demons. They might have pictured him with the eyes of a devil or a laugh of a maniac. Pride knew that they sometimes portrayed him with horns and almost naked but the truth couldn’t have been further from their paintings. Lucifer didn’t even look that extraordinary in his nicely ironed white shirt and black coat. He was elegant but not scary. Not yet.

“I’ve heard that you wanted to see me,” Seokjin broke the silence to get Lucifer’s attention who was busy discussing something with his newly-promoted assistant. The rumour had it that his assistant was a guy named Jackson Wang who was a street fighter in his previous life and his speciality was martial arts. According to some lower-class resources, he was fearless and merciless. He never lost a battle until one of the gang’s heads had enough and hit him with a car. He died on the spot but became Lucifer’s right hand almost immediately.

The two shifted their attention to Seokjin who casually started eyeing the new assistant top to bottom. That Jackson guy emulated his action and they stared at each other for a couple more seconds until Lucifer finally spoke up.

“Oh yes, Pride,” his face suddenly lit up at the sight of his – let’s be honest – favourite Sin. Seokjin saw a hint of bafflement in the assistant’s eye, he could tell right away that Jackson had no idea who he was until their boss said so. Or he just didn’t want to believe that he was so gorgeous. Whatever the case might be, the admiring expression on the lower-class demon’s face undoubtedly boosted his confidence.

“It’s nice to see you again. How long has it been since we’ve last met? 120 years? Maybe 220 years?” Lucifer chuckled with his unique nasally voice as he stood up from his desk and shook hands with the Sin. Then, he offered him a seat and dismissed his assistant. Jackson bowed respectfully and casted a last glance at Pride before he evaporated. “Ah, time really flies,” Lucifer dropped a weary sigh as he took a seat at his desk and looked up at the demon in front of him.

The frightening part was that this expression was unfathomable. At first glance, it seemed so easy to read his mind. However, after a few more seconds, one had to admit that his eyes contained the horrors of centuries and his features were oddly ancient. He was a handsome young man around the age of 24 or so – note that he wasn’t more handsome than Seokjin – but his features were old. Amidst all those horrible flashes of the past, no one could tell what he was thinking or planning. He was a book without a guideline.

“Well, anyway,” Lucifer cleared his throat to regain his composure. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. “I wanted to see you because I’ve heard that you’ve been distracted lately by the lovely Humility,” he emphasised the name on purpose, glaring at the Sin who could have been surprised at his sudden attack but he was prepared for this kind of conversation.

“I’m not distracted. It’s just that I used to know her, she was my soon-to-be wife when I was still the king of Goryeo and we share some memories. But that’s all,” he claimed confidently. His voice wasn’t trailing off, his body wasn’t shaking and he didn’t want to avert his eyes elsewhere but Lucifer’s face. He tried his best to act as nonchalantly as possible.

“Hmm, interesting,” marvelled his boss with a dubious tone. Seokjin had nothing to hide, so even if Lucifer decided to look up their shared past, he would find the same. He wasn’t afraid, not even after his boss’ following sentence. “I’ve also heard that you are planning on killing her.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Seokjin nodded in agreement. He wasn’t surprised that news travelled fast in the underworld. After all, demons were blabbermouths just like humans. That was one of the rare similarities between the two species. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a way that would ensure that I would also make it out alive. Is there a way to get rid of her without me getting killed?” he inquired as he leant forward. He may have been roughish but at least he didn’t have to hide his true nature in front of Lucifer. His despicable side was one of the reasons why the highest-ranked demon was fond of him.

Lucifer didn’t even flinch. It seemed that Pride wasn’t the only Sin who made an attempt to kill a Virtue or Lucifer could merely imagine that he was capable of something so outrageous.

“Well, not that I know of,” he shrugged in a deadpan manner and pondered for a thought. “If you are completely selfish when you touch her, you can kill her, yes. But if she’s also completely selfless, she can also kill you. The only thing that you can do is to make her sin, so that she won’t be entirely selfless anymore but otherwise, I don’t think you can succeed.”

“And that’s not so easy to make a Virtue sin,” Seokjin remarked disappointedly as he ran a hand through his pink hair. He was frustrated as Hell, small wonder why his boss could easily sense his annoyance. That dratted weakness.

“Exactly,” Lucifer clicked his tongue. He leaned back and waited for Pride’s response, challengingly raising his eyebrows. He was sure that it wasn’t enough for the Sin to merely accept the situation as he was already eager to take actions as soon as possible.

Small wonder the highest-ranked demon couldn’t suppress a complacent grin when Seokjin proved that he wouldn’t let the chance slip through his fingers. He was more adamant than that.

“I’ll find a way,” he stated doggedly.

“Well, it’s up to you but if you get killed and we don’t meet until then, I really enjoyed working with you!” Lucifer clapped his hands like he was saying goodbye for real. Pride knew that he was usually playful but he couldn’t laugh with him this time. His life was really on the line. “You were a pretty cocky guy and I liked your confidence. Well done, my friend!” he winked at him but the other demon rolled his eyes.

“Ah, not so soon! I’m not dead,” he reprimanded his boss, slightly offended by the sudden farewell. He wasn’t sure if he would make it out alive but he wanted to believe that there was a way for him to live, even after killing Humility.

“Not yet but you never know what the future might hold for you,” Lucifer admonished his inferior but he was dead curious to see what Pride might pull out of his sleeve.

He was his favourite Sin after all. His reputation was really no joke and killing a Virtue would definitely boost his self-confidence. Not like the most arrogant and assertive Sin needed it though.

🙝 15 🙞

Seokjin was Pride for a reason.

His life as a human – to be precise, the end of his life – proved to be enough for the title after the previous one had died. He was an expert at manipulating people, lurking them, convincing them to sin and playing with their feelings. It didn’t only involve individuals but families, friendships and lovers, too. That day was no exception.

He was in Prague with a couple who were arguing over some silly question that they could have easily solved if they hadn’t been so stubborn. It was because the guy had applied for a two-week internship in Australia and his application was accepted but he hadn’t told the girl. When he finally told her the truth, of course she freaked out. They had been together for more than 2 years, so it was understandable that the female was on edge upon hearing the news. That’s when Pride stepped in.

“Look, sweetheart!” he whispered into the girl’s ears, already feeling her confidence shaking at his manipulation. He wasn’t the type to call humans by nicknames but it was a way to get closer to them and start messing with their thoughts. “He didn’t tell you what he was up to, right? So why should you stand by him and support his decision? You deserve someone better. Someone who thinks highly of his girlfriend and doesn’t hide the truth from you. Someone who is better than him. Someone who takes care of you well and spends more time with you. You deserve better, don’t you?” he reasoned as he smiled cryptically. His eyes were twinkling with desire, hunger for submission. Although the waiting was getting on his nerves, that was the part that he enjoyed the most.

The girl nibbled her lips as she was musing. The expression on her face indicated that she was more likely to believe the Sin than to ignore his words. After all, pride was a pretty tricky thing. It was everyone’s greatest weakness.

“We’ve been together for 2 years! If I had been really that important to you, you would have told me,” the female bellowed as tears began to stream down her face. Seokjin found tremendous pleasure in her pathetic act. She was so pitiful when she couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. As he was a Sin, he was able to understand and speak every single language but words like this were the source of his entertainment, no matter the language.

Her boyfriend took a step closer to her and gently grabbed her wrist but she swiftly pushed herself out of his grasp. Pride prominently enjoyed what he was witnessing, he only wished to have a bag of popcorn and a bottle of Coke with him. The scene in front of him was exactly like watching a heart-breaking romance in the cinema.

The best part was about to come when a dazzling glow appeared beside them, forcing the demon to look away. Only when he felt the heat decreasing, did he actually avert his eyes back to the couple and the sudden visitor… who turned out to be Humility in a pure-white dress and an ever so kind smile.

He cursed quietly under his breath. They had never been in action together, small wonder why he was so dumbfounded to see her this time. How could she ruin his moment? How dared she show up when he was so into his little game? How and why?

Apart from the fact that Pride was undeniably wrathful, he also felt a bit uncomfortable. Memories of him and Myungeun started to bombard him and he couldn’t get rid of the sudden spike of insecurity that was rushing through him. He didn’t know how her mere presence could leave such an impact on him but he wasn’t fond of the feelings that she triggered. He wanted to shake her and grab her by the arm to shout at Humility for ruining his perfect moment – and his perfectly calm life – but the thought snapped him back to his senses. He couldn’t touch her. He could get hurt. He could get killed.

The Virtue sneaked a quick glance at him before turning to the man beside her.

“Why don’t you tell her why you’ve chosen this internship?” she suggested gently, her voice sickeningly sweet.

The guy hesitated a bit, so seeing his reluctance, Pride was prominently interested in his response. At first, it didn’t seem like he would take her advice but he still spoke up in the end much to Seokjin’s annoyance.

“Look, honey, I need to tell you something.”

“Don’t listen to him! He has already lied to you multiple times. Why would today be any different?” Pride clenched his jaw, his hands balled into fists. He couldn’t bear to be the loser, he wanted to win. Especially because Myungeun was his opponent. He wanted to win so badly.

“Just listen to him! How do you know that he won’t tell you the truth? Plus, it was the only time he didn’t tell you what was going on, you know that well,” Humility stated calmly, prodding the girl who was still struggling to decide between the Sin’s and the Virtue’s suggestion. Seokjin knew that he was telling fibs but who cared if he got what he wanted? Sins liked to play it dirty.

Before she could even muster a single word, the male suddenly confessed everything, taking both supernatural creatures by surprise.

“This internship is mandatory for me to get the job I’ve been thinking of. It has a pretty good salary, so that means that we could also move together without worrying about the bills if I got it for real. The only reason why I didn’t want to tell you because I wasn’t sure that I would get accepted,” the guy came to a halt to take a deep breath before he continued. “You know that I wouldn’t want to hurt you. You mean so much to me and this internship could benefit our future plans as well. If it weren’t for the job and its good salary, I wouldn’t even think of it. I love you so much, honey. Please, forgive me,” he pleaded frantically, his hands reaching out to the girl who was constantly sobbing silently. Tears were strolling down her cheeks, they were unstoppable like a river. The only thing that could soothe her nerves was the touch of her boyfriend, so she accepted his hand and let him hug her.

Seokjin let some profanities fly out of his mouth. He knew he lost; he was defeated by Humility and her ridiculously trivial methods. Of course, Sins used lies to manipulate humans but didn’t people like to believe in lies more than the truth? After all, they never knew who was honest or not, they could only trust themselves. This time, it seemed that it was the other way round.

“Why does this word mean so much to people?” Seokjin groaned at the sight of the hugging couple, unable to comprehend the ridiculous situation. He still couldn’t quite process the fact that he had just lost.

“Why?” Humility turned to him with a curious smile, her eyes forming little crescents. Seokjin felt like throwing up when the couple behind Humility started kissing each other like they didn’t know the definition of moderation.

“Wouldn’t you feel better if someone told you that they love you?” the Virtue queried and for the first time that day, Pride was actually thankful for her question. At least she distracted him. Not only with her question but also with her ethereal beauty, mesmerizing obsidian-black eyes, heart-shaped face, loving smile and those long lashes that painted semi circles under her eyes, adding to her pale palette.

“As a Sin, I don’t care about such things,” he shrugged as a pretentious frown was forming on his lips. Oh please, who needed silly I love yous when all he wanted was selfishness? Wrath, self-confidence, superiority and luxury. Love wasn’t a thing on his most wanted list. Not then, not ever.

“And what if I told you that I love you?” Myungeun whispered coyly, her voice barely audible.

She really glowed like a shooting star in the sky, even her eyes were twinkling. He couldn’t argue with her beauty and he would lie if he said that her presence didn’t make him feel all sorts of things. Like human things. He was a damn good liar after all and he kept it all to himself but he couldn’t deny that something was bubbling up inside him. He felt as if the past and the present suddenly collided and he could see all of their fragile memories and their present scene at the same time. The turmoil of emotions meant nothing but trouble.

“You wouldn’t lie to me,” Seokjin snarled at her, almost threatening her with his flickering eyes. Despite acting all cocky and invincible, he didn’t want to hear the word. He was a bit afraid what it would leave him with. Lust? Desire for forgiveness? Hate? Or maybe guilt? Oh no, thank you so much, he didn’t want any of those childish human feelings.

“I loved you and I still love you, Jin,” she confessed without a blink of an eye, struggling to keep her hands to herself. She reached out for a moment but let her hands drop instead when she realised that she couldn’t touch him. The pain in her eyes could tell more than anything; the black of her orbs never seemed so sorrowful before. “And you shouldn’t forget that Virtues can’t lie,” she reminded him with a brittle voice and evaporated right then and there, leaving the oh so mighty Pride looking like he was about to faint.

He felt as if the ground was about to crumble because she was damn right. Virtues couldn’t lie.

I loved you and I still love you, Jin.

How was that even possible? How could she love him after all these time, after all they had been through?

How could a Virtue fall in love with a Sin?

🙝 16 🙞

Living as a Sin never seemed so difficult before. Never in his 1100 years as Pride was as hard as the last few months thanks to that special someone who showed up like an unwanted visitor in the middle of a birthday party.

Seokjin had a hard time adjusting to the situation and his newly appeared feelings. He had no idea what was going on with him but the more he thought of Humility’s words, the less he could concentrate on his duty. Not only did he dread the night when he forced himself to stay awake but he began to dread the day, too. He was failing as a Sin and to make matters worse, more and more demon noticed his mistakes. Not like they initially liked him because it seemed that the whole underworld was against him but he couldn’t care less when he was the original and most serious Sin out of all. Demons were merely jealous of him and his success.

Anyway, the situation still infuriated him and he couldn’t do anything but to distract himself. So he began to question Humility’s words as he didn’t even believe in love in the first place. What was love anyway? Just a doomed connection made up by humans who wanted to find yet another way to destroy themselves and others. Considering that he had never been loved – even Myungeun turned against him in the end −, he had no idea what it was. He could see it every single day but he couldn’t feel it. He caught glimpses of kissing couples on the streets, loving gazes around the dinner table, failed attempts at holding each other’s hands and innocent quick pecks on the cheek. He could look at all those people and still couldn’t feel a thing.

What was so good about love? It would hurt you anyway. The moment your lover breaks up with you, the moment someone doesn’t even show interest, the moment they lie to you, humiliate you, make fun of you or use you for selfish purposes. They even hurt you when they die. You lose every single day but not only as a person, you also lose a piece of yourself. So what was so good about loss? He himself lost a lot of things during his 19 years as a human and he didn’t want more pain. He had suffered enough and Myungeun was only another source of pain. She made him believe that she would stay by him no matter what and she didn’t even consider helping him when he was about to unite the three kingdoms! Oh, Myungeun and her stupid promises… they were literally the death of him.

As Prince Seokjin, the only form of care that he knew of was punishment. He was always accused of crimes and lies, he was always bullied for the way he looked and he was humiliated just because he was born. He wasn’t born to receive love and he accepted it from a very early age. He even warned Myungeun not to get closer to him because he doesn’t deserve love, he was fated to be an outcast. He warned her not to take care of him because she would get hurt. It was her fault that she didn’t listen to him. Even though she thought – and Jin also believed in it for a long time – that she did good to him, she was the one who hurt him the most. He wanted to hate her for that but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t.

The thing that bothered him the most was that she claimed that she loved him, even before he became a Sin and until present day. He was perfectly aware of the fact that Virtues couldn’t lie, that’s why they were Virtues. Sins could casually use lies as a way to manipulate people but Virtues couldn’t. So how could she say that she loved him? How could she be so sure that he loved this arrogant, erratic, blatant, unattainable and thick-skinned man? How could she love a Sin?

Looking at their situation, Seokjin wasn’t the only one who couldn’t control his emotions. Though it couldn’t have been a problem for Myungeun since he didn’t hear anything from her after the day they had met in Prague. After all, was the fact that she loved a Sin was a sin itself? He highly doubted, it was merely peculiar. Love wasn’t a Sin, not even sex. Only sex without love was considered a Sin according to Lust and the rules of the underworld.

Not even Jaehwan wanted to ask what was bothering him, he almost looked like he was waiting for him to fail. There was a weird expression on his face which he couldn’t decipher. Nonetheless, Seokjin had bigger problems than Jaehwan’s ridiculous features, so he didn’t waste more time dwelling on such minor things.

It was the first time he was willing to find Humility without being told to do so, without dying to know why she was looking for him and without intending to kill her. He gave up on his initial plan as he realised that it was a mission impossible. He still wished to get rid of her but he had a different plan now.

Even without prying into her business, he had an idea where he could find her and when he found her daydreaming beside the Jeongbang Falls, sitting on a rock, enjoying as the chilly night wind blew through her hair, he wasn’t surprised at all. She was as sentimental as always.

“You are so predictable,” Pride cleared his throat to gain her attention but she didn’t even avert her eyes to the young man, she continued on staring at the ocean which was tinted greyish by the breath-taking moonlight.

It was already past 2 AM, the time when Humility usually stopped her activities and sat by the ocean for half an hour to recharge her batteries. It was rumoured that she had a special place where she let off some steam but demons weren’t interested in a Virtue’s favourite place, let alone Pride who always minded his business, he didn’t have time for gossip. Yet, he had a feeling that she might be beside the Jeongbang Falls as this was the place that she wanted to visit before she would die. She once shared it with the little Jin and considering that she never had the chance to fulfil her dream, the waterfall in Jeju was his first tip.

“But you are quite unpredictable,” she noted quietly as she peeped at the Sin, a gentle smile hiding in the corner of her rosy-coloured lips. Seokjin couldn’t believe how she stayed so tender after all this time, after all he had said to her but then he reminded himself that she was a Virtue after all. It was her job and unlike him, she was doing a pretty good job.

Pride shrugged his shoulders and casually sat down on a rock, not too close but not too far from Humility. A sudden jolt of tranquillity simmered through him as he let his eyes wander at the ocean. There was something oddly familiar about the whole situation. Myungeun was beside him, humming a child song to herself and looking at the waves crashing into the shore, washing over sand and smaller rocks. The scenery was new but the feeling was familiar. It reminded him of the times when they were beside the Palace’s lake or picking flowers in the garden. It represented the times of perfect serendipity, ethereal calmness and that so-called purity of youth. It was like finding a safe haven in a tangled mess.

The sudden nostalgic bitterness attacked his mind first, bombarding him with flashbacks. Then, it moved on to his heart, squeezing it with those human feelings that he hadn’t experienced in a millennium. He could have said that it scared him but he had already given in to all those emotions. There was no use; the disease was already spreading through his whole body and his whole being. A Sin lost to a Virtue and she didn’t even have an idea that she was slowly destroying him as a Sin and bringing his human self to surface.

“Why did you really want to see me?” Pride broke the pleasant silence that was covering them like a warm blanket on a cold winter night.

Poor girl didn’t think that he would question her out of the blue, therefore she couldn’t help but wince in surprise. Her cheeks were glowing in embarrassment, her ears turning red. For the second time already, she nibbled her lips. Seokjin didn’t even attempt to suppress his honest reaction this time. The thought that she hadn’t changed a bit raised his lips into a small smile.

“I missed you,” she drawled nervously.

“Why?” Seokjin raised his eyebrows, throwing caution to the wind. He knew that it would be the last time he saw her, so he didn’t want to beat around the bush. It was now or never.

“Because I died so quickly, I couldn’t even say what I wanted to say to you and the feeling left me with a pang of hollowness in my chest,” she admitted, her voice slightly shaking. Her gaze darted around the beach but never settled on Seokjin’s face. She wasn’t ready to face him but she wasn’t even sure that she would ever be.

The reunion took her by surprise and she had no idea what she should expect from the Sin. She saw him being frustrated, yelling at her, his eyes on fire like he was about to kill her on the spot. She saw him being disappointed, hands balled into fists, his whole body ready for a fight. She saw him being confused, unable to understand the feelings of humans, unable to feel the love between the girl and the boy in Prague. Nonetheless, she could feel the love of the couple and that’s why she knew that he wouldn’t be able to convince them. Their love was stronger than their self-love.

There were countless times when Humility couldn’t succeed because humans weren’t strong enough to say no to their selfish desires but she tried her best to persuade them to change. Sometimes it wasn’t enough but at least she tried.

Every Virtue knew that the world lost its balance and the demons started to take over the world but they couldn’t give up. They were chosen to be Virtues because their chastity, forgiveness, generosity, kindness, diligence, temperance or humility changed lives. She had definitely changed lives – including Seokjin’s − but so did the previous Pride and she couldn’t win in Jin’s case. That’s why she was so eager to become a Virtue; she wanted to win and save lives. She didn’t want to see humans transforming into something so unpredictable and evil as Seokjin did all those years ago. She lived almost 500 years as an angel when she finally had the chance to become a Virtue and she didn’t hesitate to accept the offer.

“Why?” Seokjin exclaimed frantically, more furious than last time. The sudden change in his behaviour made her heart leap and she unconsciously looked for his eyes. His coal-black eyes were seriously dangerous and searing; they weren’t flames, they were bigger than that. They were hundreds of flames united in a huge, devastating one. “Why do you want to say a proper goodbye to me when you know I don’t deserve it? Why do you love me when you know I’m rotten as hell? Why do you do this to me? Why can’t you just live in your perfect Virtue world and leave me alone? Why do you have to make me feel guilty for spoiling those people?”

His scream echoed back from the stones, sounding like dreary pleadings in the chilly spring dawn. His words were fragile like a raindrop that could reach the ground anytime and become one with it. Their relationship was cursed from the beginning and the more he got closer to her, the more he was able to see it. They should have never met, thus they should have never fallen in love. It was a love written in the stars, written for tragedy, nothing else.

As a human, he was unable to change for her and save her from dying and as a Sin, he was unable to see why she turned against him and why she loved him after she had died in his arms. In both forms of his life, he reckoned that he merely wanted to protect her from himself yet he didn’t realise that all he wanted to do was to protect her from his love. Deep inside, he always had a feeling that he would hurt the people around him and he wanted to avoid the inevitable as much as possible.

So why was it so hard for her to see his struggle? Why couldn’t she realise that he wanted to save her from himself? From his love?

“I guess you already know that you can’t decide who you fall in love with, right?” Humility let out an aghast sigh, her words sending shivers down his spine.

He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he couldn’t pacify his fast-paced thoughts and his human self that was about to take control of him. He knew what he was about to do, so he wasn’t scared. He swiftly reached out to Humility, grabbed her hand and held it to his heart, even though he knew that she couldn’t feel its beating. Yet, he could already feel the crazy burning in his veins. His body was on fire, his chest was squeezing painfully while the excruciating pain was slowly tearing him apart. As the pain escalated, his breathing became more and more ragged.

“What are you doing, Jin?” Humility’s eyes widened in both shock and fear. She certainly felt a tad bit of pain but it wasn’t like the one she had imagined. She wasn’t suffering as the Sin apparently did. “You are killing yourself!” she screamed frantically while she was trying to escape from his grasp but he was stronger than ever. He wouldn’t let go of her.

“Don’t you dare to let go of me!” he cried out helplessly, doubling over. The Virtue was gasping for air, she made countless attempts to yank her hand away from him but he was too adamant.

Why? And why didn’t she feel that unbearable pain that she should have? It was said that if an entirely selfish soul touches her for a long time, she would get hurt and she would feel like dying again. Nonetheless, she didn’t feel like the last time she was shot. Apart from a little aching, she was fine. So what was going on?

“I can’t let you die!”

“But you have to let me!” he sucked in a breath, his eyes tearing up. His face was now practically snuggled to her chest, still not causing any pain. He was relieved after all. His plan seemed to work, she was still safe. Let me die in your arms, he wanted to say but his mouth wouldn’t budge.

“Jin, don’t do this! Let go of me, please! I want to save you!” Myungeun shook him, still trying to peel himself off of her.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, spilling down her face and landing on Jin’s pale skin. One by one. They became little dots on the thick paper that was his handsome face. He never looked more fragile than that time as he was in her arms, his eyelashes shaking, his body trembling, his hands clinging onto her body and his eyes out of focus.

“Last time I couldn’t save you! Let me do it this time!” he pleaded in between coughs, his voice strangely weak. The oh so mighty Pride threw away his mask and she could see his bare self without that stupid masquerade. His soul was in front of her, bleeding out with each passing second. The fact that he didn’t want her to help stung her right at the heart.

“I-I can’t! Please, Jin, please…” she cried out in horror. Her vision became blurry due to the amount of tears that started to slide down her cheeks. She wanted to wipe them away but Pride still held onto her like she was his last string of hope. Maybe she was. But for what?

“Myungeun…” he rolled her name off his tongue in a surprisingly gentle way. She couldn’t help but weep more. No one had called her by her real name for hundreds of years. “Let me keep my promise this time,” he asked tenderly, coughing a bit more. She didn’t know which one of their promises he was currently talking about.

“What promise?”

“I don’t want to be a narcissist anymore. I want to save you,” he bawled in tears, his voice shaky and brittle. He coughed up blood, the spots painting his fancy white shirt crimson-red, just like on the days when he was killing off hundreds of innocent people as Goryeo’s king. The only difference was that this time it was his own blood.

“But how?” she managed a sentence out, her eyes full of remorse. If he died in her arms, she didn’t know how she would bear the sight of his dead body, let alone the memory that would hunt her.

“By killing myself,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. There was a trace of smile playing on his lips that made her heart ache even more. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore. You don’t have to think of me anymore,” he added and his words were like bullets sent through her heart. He mumbled something about love with his last breath but she couldn’t comprehend it. He closed his eyes sooner than she could have prepared herself and he was already gone. He broke into tiny little pieces like glass and the wind carried all of them far, far away.

She let out a heart-wrenching scream, a cry of a girl who lost her precious love for the second time. The first time, she couldn’t even say goodbye and no matter how evil he became, she still wanted to say to him what she couldn’t tell him before. On the other hand, she had the chance to confess to him only when they were already the creatures of the after-life who were supposed to carry on accompanying the humans’ lives. Little did she know that the long-awaited confession that she wanted to share with Seokjin hurt him so much that he started to experience human feelings again.

That day by the Jeongbang Falls was the second time when she couldn’t say the words to him because he was on the verge of dying. Seokjin already knew that she loved him but she still felt the need to bid a proper farewell, even though she couldn’t let go of him… she didn’t want to.

The pain Pride was going through wasn’t physical, it was the pain caused by heart-break. She didn’t feel such pain, not even when he shot an arrow through her heart and she was dying. That was another kind of pain; almost peaceful, slow yet constant like a lovely piano piece. This one was rather raw, full of emotions, fire and ashes, blood and tears. How could he do it for her? How could he know that she wouldn’t get hurt when he touches her?

Oh, how Myungeun truly wished that she had died with him like the first time! She wanted to be in his arms instead of holding Seokjin’s body. It was odd how history repeated itself in the opposite way. It must have been their fate. The fate of star-crossed lovers.

Humility looked at her hands with terror, already expecting burnt spots all over her body. Contrary to her expectations, all she could see was an ink tattoo with Pride’s name. Not until she saw the Sin’s name did it finally dawn on her why she wasn’t affected by his touch. She assumed that his human side took control of him, so he wasn’t completely selfish when he touched her and that’s why he couldn’t scar her. On the other hand, she was still entirely selfless and that’s why she could destroy his demon side. Unfortunately, his human side wasn’t strong enough to bear the transformation and that’s why he died.

Humility should have been happy because defeating a Sin was considered a success, yet all she felt in the following centuries was bitterness. Demons took advantage of the situation, especially Jaehwan who became the new Pride. Lucifer chose him personally since he knew the guy’s little secret, he knew that Jaehwan found a way to defeat Humility but because he was so selfish and sought after the title of Pride, he didn’t tell him and Seokjin already lost a bit of his demon abilities, so he couldn’t sense that he was lying. The only way Jin could have ended his pain was to get rid of his memories once and for all and that meant taking Lucifer’s place. If he killed Lucifer, he would immediately become the new one and his memories would be erased.

Kim Seokjin might not have been humble, light-hearted and innocent all his life but he wasn’t born to be Pride, he became one under the wrong circumstances. On the contrary, he chose to change his fate for the first time in his life and only he knew if it was really worth it. After a long time, he really felt like living, he was able to feel all those things Myungeun had mentioned before.

He realised on the verge of dying that he was loved. During his human life, during his demon life, whenever he was beside Myungeun, he was loved. He was just too blind to see it.

The more she thought about it, the more tears she shed. Even though she wasn’t the one who died that day, she felt like dying with him. A piece of her soul left her and accompanied Seokjin to God knows where. They would hold hands through the white light together. They would be together forever.

Just like they had promised each other all those years ago.

#bts #jin #bts scenarios #jin scenarios #seokjin scenarios #bts imagines #jin imagines #seokjin imagines #bts historical #jin historical #seokjin historical #bts demon au #jin demon au #seokjin demon au #my story #restlessmaknae

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nickelkeep · 4 years ago

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Try Something New

Pairing: Sam/Eileen/Gabe Rating: T Word Count: 2.1K Warnings: Season 15 Fix It, Pre-Poly, Poly Negotiations Written For: FicWip’s Holiday Exchange Nope, still not on Ao3. Still Working on that.

Sam sat at the War Table. His laptop was open, and the software that Charlie had made so long ago was scanning newspapers across the country. While it was scrolling dutifully, it was the last thing on his mind. Sam’s attention was focused on the small cell phone in his hand. Every time the screen went black, he would hit the button to wake it back up. His own face would look back at him, smiling.

Even after everything Chuck had dragged them through, Eileen had kept Sam’s picture as her phone’s lock screen. Sam shivered involuntarily as he thought of Eileen.

Everyone who had been snapped by Chuck had been returned. Charlie. Stevie. Bobby. Donna. Jody. The girls. Every single one of them had been restored by Jack. It didn’t make sense. Even Cas, who had been taken by the Empty, was returned sans grace by Jack.

So where was she?

It wasn’t like Sam didn’t pray to Jack. He did, once a day. The kid might be the new God, but he was still his, Dean’s, and Cas’ son first. And every time he prayed, Sam asked for some sort of sign that Eileen was alive.

Sam set down Eileen’s phone and picked up his own. There were no new texts, no missed calls.

Fuck, he needed something to distract him from the growing chasm inside his chest. It was time to take a page from Dean’s book of coping. A visit with the other Jack.

...

Several shots later, Sam groaned as his head hit the table beneath him. “Why did I think this would be a good idea?” A hand rested on his shoulder, and a cool wave of relief rushed through him.

“I’m not sure.” Sam turned his head to the side and looked up, his eyes finding the mischievous golden eyes of Gabriel smiling down at him. “You had a choice of two Jacks, and you chose the one that comes in a bottle.”

“Gabe? No. You’re in the fucking empty. I’m fucking hallucinating.” Sam rotated his head back so his forehead rested on the chilled wood. He let out a sigh. “If I’m talking to a ghost, I might as well get it off my chest. Jack wasn’t answering.”

“I’m as real as they get, Sam.” For a hallucination, Gabriel was actually pretty solid. “As for Jack, I’m not surprised. The kid’s following in Pop’s footsteps. A hands-off approach.” The inflection in Gabriel’s voice betrayed his annoyance. “So, you pray to Jack, you tell him about your day.”

“I ask about Eileen! I ask him every day for some sort of sign she’s alive.” Sam scoffed as he sat up. “I don’t get anything from him. There’s no response.”

Gabriel’s smile broadened across his face as he laughed. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know it’s not funny. You’re clearly missing her. But, as the last remaining Archangel, I thought you were getting my sign.” He handed Sam Eileen’s phone. “Have you needed to charge it? Has it died once since you started asking if she’s okay?”

“What?” Sam took the phone hesitantly. He pressed the button to wake it up and promptly looked at the battery. 100% Charge. “You kept her phone charged to show me that she’s alive?”

“This is me we're talking about. I thought it was clever. You’re always looking at it, flipping through the pictures Eileen keeps on it. Re-reading your messages with her.” Gabriel walked around the table and sat down across from Sam. “I figured that as long as it was alive, one, you’d be able to smile on your memories with Eileen, and two, you would know that she’s alive.”

“Gabe, I didn’t notice until just now.” Sam ran his fingers through his hair before setting her phone down. “I mean, I should have. But it’s been the last thing on my mind.” He rubs his face before resting his head in his palms. “So wait. You’re alive, and she’s alive?”

“Very much so,” Gabriel replied. “I’m sorry my message wasn’t clear.”

Sam jumped up at the confirmation. “Gabe, she’s alive?!”

“Yeah, Sam. I think we need to get your hearing checked as I already confirmed it several times over.” Gabriel tilted his head, watching Sam’s reaction. “I thought you would be happy to know that I’ve been keeping an eye on her. When Jack restored everyone, I made sure that I was there when he restored her. Someone needed to be with her. Jack was a little focused on reviving Cas to focus on the people he UnThanosed.”

“Why isn’t she here? Where is she? Is she hurt or stuck? Do I need to go get her?”

Gabriel did his best to appear innocent. “She wanted to learn to believe again.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Over the months, you all did something unthinkable—you, Dean, Cas, Rowena, Eileen, even Jack. You guys saved the world. There were sacrifices. You lost loved ones.” Gabriel reached across the table and picked up Eileen’s phone. “And even though you succeeded in the end, it was still with great sacrifice. Dean lost Cas. You lost Eileen. The Winchester found family was dust in the wind.

“Once you guys defeated Chuck, and Jack took his power and absorbed Amara, he tried to reset the world as best as a three-year-old could. He brought back everyone. He returned your loved ones.” Gabriel gestured to himself as he looked up at Sam. “When Jack restored Eileen, I made sure I was there. I didn’t want her to forget what happened, so I was there.”

Sam sat back down slowly. “She wouldn’t have remembered Chuck erasing her?”

“Jack brought everyone back, and despite what you may think of me, I wanted to make it as minimally traumatic as possible. So when everyone returned, I erased the memory of them not feeling so well. For the majority of the world, it was like no time passed at all.” Gabriel twirled a finger, and a sucker manifested. He unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth.

“I can understand that. But what does that have to do with Eileen?”

“She remembers everything. Eileen remembers you bringing her back to life, how it was Chuck’s manipulation. She remembers your proclamation of love before she left the bunker to find herself.” Gabriel looked around the library before leaning forward like he had a secret. “Eileen thinks that she let you down.”

“What? No!” Sam shook his head. “What happened was out of her control. Chuck did manipulate her, but her feelings, our feelings? Those were real. They belonged to us!”

Gabriel nodded. “I am well aware. However, Chuck also knew this and lied to make you believe that they weren’t.”

“I thought we had moved past that.” Sam hung his hand between his heads.

“Well, being erased, then brought back by Jack, being welcomed back to life by me, it kinda threw her faith again.” Sam’s jaw dropped, and his mouth gaped open, causing Gabriel to quickly explain. “She wants to know she’s going to stay on Earth this time. Eileen doesn’t want to go back to hell or go to heaven yet. She thought I was there to take her up to the pearly gates.” Gabriel pointed his lollipop at Sam. ”She doesn’t want to be nothing or forgotten. She doesn’t want to just be. Eileen wants to know her place in this world.”

“That’s all fair and good, Gabe, but I’ve been worried sick, no way to find her.” Sam looked at the Archangel sitting across from him. “Does she not want to be with me?”

“She thinks that you may not want to be with her.” Gabriel kicked his feet up on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Something about Sam’s angel is back to watch over him.”

Sam nodded. Then realized what Gabriel said. “Wait, what?”

“When she realized I was alive, since you know, I’m the one who went to her, she thought it was me staking my claim on you.” Gabriel held his hands up when Sam scowled. “I didn’t. I actually told her otherwise. That you mourned me and moved on.”

“That’s not entirely true.” Sam blushed. “Eileen knows how much I love you, Gabe. She and I have a different love from what you and I had. Have. I don’t even know right now.” He shook his head. “I need to find her, Gabe. If I had known she was actively hiding from me…”

“You’d what? Try and find her? Eileen’s one of the best hunters out there. She’d outrun you every time.” Gabriel pulled his sucker out of his mouth again and stared at it for a moment. “Ever think that I may have made myself known to you right now because maybe now she’s ready?”

“Is this one of your tricks, Gabe?”

Gabriel at least pretended to be offended. “Me, pull a trick in regards to something this serious?” When Sam’s face twisted into trademarked bitchface number 135, Gabriel shook his head and laughed. “Sam, I’m serious when it comes to this.“

"So what makes you think she wants to see me now?”

“I’ve been with her this entire time, Sam.” Gabriel paused to let that register. “We’ve spent the past couple of months getting to know each other. I certainly wasn’t joking when she said that she wanted to know her place in this world.”

“Where is she?”

Gabriel closed his eyes, and a moment later, Eileen walked into the Library. “Hi, Sam.” She looked nervous, almost afraid, and Sam hated it. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Sam signed as he asked his question.

“I assume Gabe told you already? About me wanting to find me again?” Eileen waited for Sam to nod before continuing. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that while everything may have been a part of Chuck’s story, that it didn’t negate what I felt for you. Or what you feel for me. I know that we had started working on it, but when Gabe found me, everything I had started to build came falling down like a house of cards.”

Sam shot another bitchface – number thirty-seven - at Gabriel, who held up his hands in defense again. Sam deflated and looked at Eileen. “I would have been happy to talk to you.” He looked at Gabriel, continuing his signing for Eileen. “Both of you.”

“I know, Sam. Gabe knows too. But the truth be told, I really did need to figure out what my role in life, especially now that Chuck is gone, and Jack is in charge.” Eileen looked at Gabe and smiled. “I’m still my own woman, I can still kick any monster’s ass, I’m still independent. But I have two very dedicated people who love me.”

“Two?” Sam followed Eileen’s gaze to Gabriel. “Gabe?”

Gabriel shrugged. “What can I say? I see why she means the world to you.” He offered a hand to both Sam and Eileen. “I don’t see a reason why this can’t work, Sam. You and ‘Leen have your relationship. ‘Leen and I have ours, And then we have ours. Three separate relationships between three people who care deeply about each other.”

“You make it sound easy.” He looked back to Eileen and repeated his statement in Sign for her. “What do you think, Eileen?”

“I think nothing in life is easy. Especially the things you want. You work for what you want.” She looked at Gabriel and smiled before looking back at Sam. “It might not be easy, but it’s something we deserve. Happiness.”

Sam worried his bottom lip as the words of both his lover and former lover embedded themselves in his brain and heart. He could have both. They had gone searching for answers together, and both agreed on one thing.

Him.

“This is new territory for me”— Sam held up a finger when Gabriel tried to interject. —“for all of us. But if you both are willing, then I’m willing.” He looked over at Eileen. “But we need to be open with each other.” He turned to Gabe. “And we need to be honest with each other.”

Gabriel wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist at the same time he pulled Eileen in for a hug. “We get it, Sam.” He kissed the top of Eileen’s head before standing on tiptoe to kiss Sam. “And you got us.”

#fanfiction #the 15 year show #season 15 fix-it #sam/gabriel/eileen #sam winchester #gabriel #eileen leahy #polyamory #rating: t

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wouriqueen · 4 years ago

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About Hae Kyung’s wounds and why No Eul needed to be part of this story

So episode 8 was amazing and one of the important things it did for me was finally make clear to us the narrative importance of having Jin No Eul in this story : she’s there so we can understand Hae Kyung better, and so Hae Kyung can understand himself and not repeat the same mistakes.

To be honest, although I rant on and on about M. Scary Jae Hyuk I never actually felt like the exes being in the show was a deterrent to watch or a flaw in the story. Yes, it was partly because the synopsis I’d read made it clear they’d be prominent characters and because having watched many k-dramas, I expected some of the antics they pulled (although not all - they have an unprecedented kind of audacity and entitlement lmao)

But ALSO : I figured they had to have been added in there for a reason. And since the show made pretty clear in previous episodes that Do Hee and Hae Kyung do not have any feelings left for these people (they’ve clearly stated it to each other during / after the camping trip + their attitude towards their ex says it all), I thought “This is not about love triangles”. I figured No Eul and Jae Hyuk were there to push along the leads’ character development and inform us about their personalities and the wounds that made them the way they are now.

(Under the cut : why Hae Kyung’s break-up with No Eul was also a little bit his fault and why realizing that will help him get over that painful break-up, understand he loves Do Hee and not repeat the mistakes he made with No Eul).

About the narrative role of the exes : Jae Hyuk ... right now, he’s only bringing in drama lol. I’m not complaining because he’s shaking things up narratively and I actually like that - I just worry that the drama gives him too much narrative presence / power and that his character ends up obscuring the true subject of the show which is Do Hee and Hae Kyung learning how to love and trust again, together.

But No Eul? She’s different. I don’t know if the same will ever happen for Jae Hyuk’s character but episode 8 of Dinner Mate gave a deeper meaning / role to her character.

You probably noticed - Hae Kyung doesn’t seem to have many people around him. His father passed years ago, he’s rejecting his mother and his only friends are :

His assistant with whom he maintains a distance with no matter how much he likes him, the cause (or the excuse) being : it’s a professional relationship)

Gon Woo who clearly is more No Eul’s friend that Hae Kyung’s (maybe that’s even how he met him in the 1st place ?)

Which means that No Eul, the woman he dated for 8 years, was the closest person to him.

And yet ... their latest conversation reveals that he in fact never really opened up his heart to her. Sure he had sincere feelings for her, but he never let himself get so invested that her acting up or cheating would actually really get to him.

Do you realize how scary and sad that is ? How closed off this means he’s been all these years ?

And this is something we’ve had hints of all along : him never showing or saying as much as Do Hee did, him being the one to demand they have rules to their “dinner mate” relationship and notably adding the “no dating” rule ... He told Do Hee he’d closed off his heart (decided to “never start again”) after No Eul left him, but the truth is that his heart had never been opened in the first place. Or rather, it might have been open enough for him to enter a romantic relationship, but never enough for him to rely on the people who try to love him back.

Do you remember ? In the beginning of this story when they see each other again for the 1st time and they discuss their break-up, she brings up the same topic as in episode 8 : how she hated that he never got angry or jealous no matter the wrong she did him. Back then I thought she was just ungrateful, manipulative and toxic. I thought he forgave everything because he loved her too much, and because he maybe had a more naive personality that made him let her walk all over him.

Then No Eul’s long-standing familial issues were revealed and I thought he had been forgiving because he’s a really empathetic person, as we’ve seen, because he pitied her circumstances, and because he related to her being let down by her mother.

But turns out he never even had to try hard to forgive her, because he never was truly that angry in the first place, because he never let himself want her enough that he’d even feel such emotions to the extent you’re supposed to when it comes to someone you love.

No Eul is right. For all that she is selfish and sometimes childish, even though she’s a cheater, even though she should have confronted him about this all the way back when they were still together instead of betraying him in ways that would only convince him further that he was right in safeguarding his heart like that... she’s right on one thing at least.

He never truly loved her.

He liked her a lot, he cared so much and he still does, obviously, but there was none of that greed that comes with love - none of the greed that drives him now to step out of his comfort zone and risk being vulnerable all so he can share one more meal with Do Hee. We’re talking about the guy who let go of his 8-year-long love with No Eul so easily !

Which means Do Hee is different from No Eul. What I think is : he may like her just a bit more than he used to like No Eul, but also the circumstances allowed his feelings for Do Hee to develop differently.

Think about it : initially their relationship doesn’t have a title and they purposefully do not exchange numbers. Like they said, this is what made it easy for them to open up. Except their excuse is "I can be vulnerable and embarrassing because you don't know me in 'real life'", and imo the truth is : "a stranger can’t abandon you because they were never really there for you anyway" . Then they decide to become “dinner friends” ....... BUT he wants to establish rules to still keep a distance lol. And now I realize : it’s not just that he was more comfortable with her if she remained a stranger. It’s that if she became someone to him, he’d have the urge to barricade his heart again. And he didn’t want that. Why ?

Because having no official relationship title meant she officially didn’t owe him anything. And precisely because there were no expectations, no commitment Do Hee could possibly betray .... there were no mistrust and no fear. That allowed him to open up and rely on her just a teeny tiny bit by talking about his first love. And I guess the taste of it was strong - because he starts looking for her when he’s upset or considering calling her. He heeds her advice.

But he never crosses the line. He never calls to seek comfort. Even when he goes to look for her, he never admits it to her (aka that time he looked for her at the restaurant they went to, or when he waited near her house to return her earring.)

Sure, he attempts taking a few steps forward because he wants to be close to her (”I don’t mind if you show me “too much””, “you can tell me about you if you want”)....

.... but he never goes far enough. He’s still scared. Even when their little bubble bursts and their easy relationship turns out to be a little complicated, when Do Hee gets scared and runs away, even as he tries to reassure her by revealing his identity and hanging onto her and trying to convince her ... he’s still not letting himself be hopeful, be vulnerable, be expectant. He’s saying “I am here for you”. Not “Will you be here for me ?” and he probably thinks at first that Do Hee needs to hear the 1st one because she’s been abandoned twice, but actually she needs to hear the 2nd one because she needs to know she’s not the only one invested in the relationship !! That he needs her as much as she needs him.

That’s what anyone would want.

That’s what No Eul wanted.

No Eul failed to ask for it the right way but by clearing the air with her and really getting to the bottom of what went wrong with her, Hae Kyung realized he was making the same mistake and risking losing Do Hee because of it. That’s why he confesses to Do Hee. He doesn’t want to lose her like he lost No Eul. And that’s why No Eul needed to be part of this story - for Hae Kyung not only to get closure with her but to understand himself better and finally move forward.

Edit : forgot to mention it but of course I think his reluctance to open up and rely on people all has to do with his mom abandoning him / not being there when he needed her the most all those years ago.

#of course this is just my personal analysis #can you tell I care too much about this drama yet ??#dinner mate #mbc dinner mate

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writingawaymylife · 4 years ago

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Dance Around - Jump Forward Part IV - Finale

A/N: This bloody part has been through five revisions, countless energy drinks, and hours of Metallica editing sessions, but I finally think I’ve gotten it to a quality that it deserves - especially since it’s technically the ending of DAJF. I’m really grateful to everyone that has read this so far, I really appreciate the patience and support - it has literally made me so happy. Seeing the comments and people getting excited for it... Oof, it’s really made me so, so excited to write again. I really hope this is everything you guys hoped for, and maybe even a little more. K, I’ll let you get to it before I get soft and shed tears (gross). Love you all!

Ship: Higgs/Reader

DAJF Masterlist

Warnings: Near death experience (Higgs), swearing, a bit of soft served ice cream at the end.

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Everything he had ever built for himself was falling apart. One crumbling piece by crumbling piece, slowly turning to dust until there was nothing left in the ruins but remains of the one thing he had fought so hard for. He didn’t know what to feel. Anger? Resentment? Betrayal? Fear. That one he knew without a shadow of a doubt.

He hadn’t felt this in a long, long while. Not since his last conversation with…

Higgs looked down into the sand his knees were slowly sinking into. Mind fading out and away from the voices of that fucking bastard Sam and that bitch of a woman Fragile. He felt sick. Too many emotions that didn’t fit underneath the terms “happy”, “proud”, and “accomplished”. Even when he had so much power, even when all the odds pointed his way, he would never accomplish anything in this pathetic life, would he?

He was bound to be the failure. The loser in the Endgame. He was nothing more than a tiny blip in the fabric of time and space. He was nothing.

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Each breath felt like he was sucking in nothing. For the first time in years, he felt his eyes burn. His eyes closed, head bowing even more as he tried to get some semblance of poise. He couldn’t do this, not now. Not with Fragile and Sam a mere few feet away from him. But the reality still crept into his mind and held his heart in a vice grip.

This was his end. On a Beach, surrounded by dead, stinking fish and at the end of a gun, pointed by none other than Fragile. It wasn’t what he wanted - no, what he wanted was to be by Amelie’s side. Watching the world crumble and burn before the end dragged him down with it. He wanted to end knowing that he had some impact on this world and the next, that he had done something that was right. But, when looking back, he should have realized that it wasn’t in the cards for him.

What did he really accomplish? What was it that he did that would mean anything in the end? The lives he had taken would have been for nothing. All that effort to weave this pathetic tale with Amelie to use Sam, would be for nothing. Throwing away his entire life for a cause would be for nothing. Pushing away the one person that had ever wanted to be with him for him would be for nothing.

How naive he was. An incompetent, powerless, obtuse man. He should have known.

He should have seen this coming from a God-damned mile away.

In the end, it was (Y/N) that seemed to appear the most in his mind. As they had for the past couple weeks. It hurt to think about them, shame and anger accumulating and overflowing in ways that had made him a near ticking time bomb.

What would have happened if he had stayed with (Y/N)? Taken that chance to fix the mess he had made. Even if it terrified him to admit whatever he felt towards them, he had a chance to form a connection that wasn’t based on power and manipulation. They were safe. A serrated knife that was never used against him, even when they were tempted. They were a haven that gave him much-needed respite from the crumbling world outside of that small bunker.

They had risked everything in knowing and befriending him. If anyone had found out about (Y/N)’s connection to him, they would have been in a world of danger, their life ripped away from them in a blink of an eye, and they wouldn’t have been able to do a single thing about it. Yet they let him stay, let him carve himself a place in their life, and take up residence there. Then as soon as the both of them had begun to really become something, he ran away. Tore open a wound and left it there, untreated and bleeding. He couldn’t stop thinking about the shaky breath they had sucked in, the fear in their body and eyes when he had pressed he had appeared behind them, had threatened them. For most people, he didn’t care. But, in a disgustingly cheesy way that had Higgs’ upper lip lifting in disgust, (Y/N) wasn’t most people.

Higgs didn’t regret many of his actions in life. What happened, happened and there was nothing anyone could ever do to fix that. But if there was one thing that would weigh on his shoulders as the void took him, it would be how easily he had thrown out his relationship with them.

It was the sound of a magazine locking into place that brought him back to reality. Death, casting her shadow over him, ready to pounce. This wasn’t how he wanted it to end.

Higgs looked up. Eyes catching Fragile’s who were cold and calculating. She looked so unremorseful, and he could see there was a part of her that took pride in this. In knowing that the last face he’d see would be hers before he was filled with led. The roles had reversed, and now she was the one with the power.

“So. This is it, isn’t it? The end of the line.” His voice was steely and rough, not a single sway as he kept his vocal cords in control. He pushed through the pain, sitting up straight as his aching muscles protested with pulls and stings. In the end, it wouldn’t matter, his pain would be gone in a few moments. And if there was one thing he knew, it was that he was going down with as much dignity as he could have.

“I’m proud of you, for comin’ all this way for revenge. It seems that in the end we really did have something’ in common, didn’t we?” The butt of the gun was shoved into his face with just enough force to leave him light-headed and on the ground. Blood was filling up his mouth yet again, copper taste overriding his senses as he spit onto the sand below him. His chuckle sounded weak, even to his ears, but he forced the shaky, sore smile onto his face. A liquid, thick and warm and most definitely blood, was seeping from his forehead.

“You never know when to shut up, do you?” Her voice, just like her face, was flat. Any spark of emotion he had seen before was gone, there was nothing there. No hatred, no anger. Only cold, hard apathy.

He slowly got back onto his knees, digging his shoulder into the ground to help push him up, and fighting the grunt of pain that slipped from his lips. “Oh Honey, what else would you expect?”

The gun was turned in her hands. Stock pressed into her shoulder, and the barrel pointed in his face. Her head tilted, eyes narrowing just the slightest as she spoke. “Will those be your last words?”

The question hung in the air for a moment, heavy and terrifying as he realized that this really was the end. ‘There’s no avoiding the inevitable’, as he always said, and, in the end, he knew that the idea would always extend to his death as well.

But he was never one for going with passive compliance. If he was going down, he would make sure he left a stain she would never be able to scrub off.

He sighed, shaky and thick, as he shook his head and looked up at her with narrowed eyes. A smile, sickly sweet and just as poisonous, crept onto his face.

“I hope ‘ya know that my blood will always be on your hands.”

Fragile seemed shocked, eyes widening slightly as she looked over his face. For the first time in their brief conversation, he saw hesitation.

He rolled his eyes, trying to feign as much boredom as he could as he looked up towards the sky.

“Well?” He started, voice casual and disinterested. “Get it on with.”

The seconds ticked by, and, as he lowered his head and looked over at her, he could see the trepidation in her face. Eyes narrowed and jaw working, body shifting just slightly as if she was fighting with herself.

He wondered, for a brief moment, if she was going to let him live.

The gun, which had lowered just the slightest, was aimed back at him before he could really give the thought much attention. Whatever it was she had been fighting against, she had stifled. Fragiles finger was on the trigger. His eyes moved back to the cloudy sky. He sucked in his last breath.

“Stop!”

Time seemed to freeze when the word broke the tense atmosphere. A voice he hadn’t heard in so long, thick with fear, relief, and desperation, had everything within him freezing just like the atmosphere.

No.

His brain stopped. Heart skipping a beat. The breath left his lungs. He felt frozen, just like the atmosphere. Scared to even look in the direction of the voice.

That couldn’t be them. They had told him they hadn’t Jumped in years. Hell, they said that they would never jump again!

There was no possible way this could be happening.

“Oh. Fuck.”

He couldn’t handle it any longer as the words, now dripped with more terror than the first word, forced him to look over his shoulder.

“What the fuck?” His voice sounded ragged and breathy, lungs crying out for air as stopped working, and he caught eyes with the last person he had ever expected to see.

(Y/N)’s eyes made contact with his, and he swears he sees a look of relief and concern wash over their face as they look him over. Shoulders slumping with the slightest release of tension as they gave him this soft, reassuring smile. It took only a few seconds for him to see just how exhausted they were, bags under eyes and thighs shaking with the need to rest

“Higgs.” Their voice was rough and drained, lungs heaving as their hands slipped from their place by their head and they turned to look at him.

“Do not move.” (Y/N) frozen, eyes widening as they moved from his to Fragile’s.

“Don’t shoot!” Their hands were up. Breath coming out in short, barely controlled and quavering every few seconds, and body as stiff as a board as they turned their body so they were facing hers. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone, that wasn’t why I came here, I have no intention of doing so.” Their eyes moved between Fragile’s and her gun, voice just slightly higher than usual. “Please, there’s… no need for that.”

Any fear he had felt for himself shifted with a sharp and freezing knife in his chest, trailing up his spine and forcing him to fight the reaction to tackle Fragile. He sucked in a breath sharply, brain working a mile a minute as he tried to comprehend what was happening, and desperately trying to calm his breathing and manage the terror at the idea of them getting hurt.

They shouldn’t have been here. Not after their last conversation, not after what he had said, and how he had threatened them. Why would they be here?

His eyes darted in the direction he had heard Sam and Amelie head in, and relief flooded him when he realized that they were too far away to have seen or heard the commotion. He could only catch a glimpse of Sam from behind a whale, though he hadn’t caught on to what was happening.

He hoped the fuck would stay that way.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” Fragile demanded, taking a small step towards (Y/N) as her finger slowly inching towards the trigger.

Higgs felt powerless, eyes moving between the two as he tried to find a way to get the gun pointed anywhere else. He grunted as he tried desperately the get out of the rope wrapped around his wrists, a low growl in his throat as they cut into his skin. Fragile glanced over at him, but nonetheless kept the gun aimed at (Y/N).

(Y/N) looked just as scared and shocked as Fragile and he himself was, body shaking with adrenaline and fear as they tried to keep themselves from making any sudden moves. If they so much as took one step that Fragile didn’t like, all three of them knew that there would be a bullet in their skull.

He was so powerless.

Binds felt tighter than they ever were in this moment, digging into his wrists as he tried to tear them off or get his hands out of them. This wasn’t what he wanted. He could deal with himself dying, he knew that was going to happen, whether it was for or against his plans. But the mere concept of them getting hurt sent a spike of rage through him that had him nearly seeing red. No. No matter how many bodies he saw or created, the brutal image of them, on the ground, dying, was one that shook him to his core. He didn’t want to see that. Not now, not later, not ever.

Fuck, why did they have to be so reckless?

“I don’t think it would be the greatest moment to share who I am-” They stopped when Fragile glared, an intimidating step and gun being pointed with more force than before. He hoped he knew Fragile enough to know she wouldn’t hurt them, but in this moment, when she was so ready to go against her set of morals to kill him, he wondered if she would let anything get in her way. “and I swear that the only thing that I want to do is get him out of here. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Higgs’ eyes widened. Out of anything he expected to come out of their mouth, that was most certainly not that. He didn’t need to be saved. He wasn’t saveable, he was a doomed man who was already reaching the end of his ticking clock. His life wasn’t worth risking theirs for. Not now. Not ever!

“(Y/N),-” The serrated edge in his voice was enough to them to look over at him, but he didn’t have enough time to finish before Fragile cut him off.

“I can’t let you do that.” Fragile had taken another few steps forward now, eyes narrowed as she tried to gauge them out. He wanted to scream, panic overriding his system as the image of them, dead and bleeding out on the sand kept repeating over and over in his head.

“Get the hell out of here!” He hissed, tugging hard enough to feel something pull tightly in his shoulder. He let out a groan, deep and low in his throat as he closed his eyes and managed his breath.

“Did you not just hear me?” Their voice, a pitch higher and faster, ripped him from the throbbing in his shoulder enough to look over at their distressed and angered expression. “I’m not leaving without you. I’m trying to save you, dumbass!” He bowed his head, mumbling a string of expletives and insults as he let out a clipped and sardonic chuckle. Even with the situation, (Y/N) had still found a way to insult him. He could practically feel (Y/N) glare before he looked back up to see it in full effect.

“He isn’t yours to save.”

They looked back towards Fragile. “But he’s yours to punish?” (Y/N) took a step forward as well, hands lowering slightly as they tried to work with Fragile. “I know he has done some horrific things, and he has hurt far more than he was healed. But that doesn’t give you or I or anyone other than Death the right to take his life away. He still has some hope, he can still be good. I still have hope. I have faith in knowing that he could be so much better than he ever was. Please. Do you really want his blood on your hands? What would that do?” They sucked in a deep breath, voice breaking in fear as they moved closer to him.

“What if you’re wrong?” Fragile’s voice was softer than it had been in the tense past five minutes, though it still held a serrated edge. Her head tilted and turned just enough to look at him.

“Than I’m an idiot?” They kept their eyes on her. “Then he will be…” Their jaw clenched and they winced. “My responsibility. Whatever that entails. Just… please. Please don’t do this.”

The air felt suffocating. Thick and buzzing with more than just Chiral Matter and death. The beat of his heart, fast and heavy, filling his ears with the blood rushing sound as he kept his eyes on (Y/N).

They needed to get out of here. This was so stupid.

“Take him. Before I change my mind.”

His eyes widened and he looked over at Fragile, eyes connecting with hers as she let the gun slip from its hold and rest against her hip. Fragile stood there for a moment, staring at (Y/N) who stayed where they were standing, before she walked around him, eyes moving from (Y/N)’s to his, as she leaned down and picked up his Chiral Mask and her bag. The look in her eyes when she stood back to her full height, was one he would never forget.

She turned and walked away, towards Sam and Amelie.

No. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real.

(Y/N) was in front of him in seconds, knees pressing into the sand and thighs brushing against his as they cupped his cheeks. It took everything to take his eyes away from Fragile’s back and turn to look over at (Y/N), afraid that once he did everything would disappear. Their eyes, that beautiful inviting colour that pulled him in and left him breathless. Clear as day and just less than a foot away from his. Their thumb, gentle and with more emotion than he thought possible in the action, brushed gently against his cheekbone.

His shoulders slouched, and eyes moving across their face as his breathing came out in short, light huffs. He couldn’t stop searching their face, looking for anything, a flaw, and warping, to prove that he had just finally completely, purely, lost it.

“Hey.” Their voice was so delicate at that moment. The briefest of whispers as they looked over his face.

The warmth from their palms seeped into his skin, and, as the realization truly soaked in that they were here, for the first time in so long, he let himself melt into the touch. A laugh, thick and heavy, left his lips as he looked into their eyes, searching for the answer for their stupid decision.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” His voice was rough and thick, wavering slightly as he raised his brows.

They let out a laugh, one that had his lips perking up into a soft smile as they shook their head. And tears, fresh and confusing him with the happiness they held, spilled from (Y/N)’s eyes.

“Let’s get you home, okay?”

Home.

He liked the idea of that.

“Okay.”

#higgs x reader #higgs monaghan x reader #higgs monaghan

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