#anti edward/esme

[nightingale2004]

Twilight next generation: Bella x Edward version

Elizabeth Rosaleise Swan Cullen

Faceclaim: Katie Douglas

Oldest daughter of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan and the firstborn triplet

Elizabeth is a vampire human hybrid, otherwise known as a Dhampir in her family

She looks more like her mother with a bit of her father

Elizabeth prefers to be called Liz, Lizzy, Elly, or Eliza for shirt

Like most of her family, she is gifted and she has the ability of mind control

Elizabeth and her siblings were born in Forks Washington, but as soon as they were born, her family immediately packed up and made their way straight to Alaska with the help of Jacob and his pack

Liz has a love for dancing, and her family comes all to her dance shows. Her favorite is ballet, the waltz, and also playing "Just Dance"

Has more control over her thirst for blood than her siblings

She's not really close with her parents but feels more close with the rest of her family.

She always wanted to meet her mom's parents. After they moved back to Forks, she developed a very great relationship with her grandfather Charlie Swan and his new wife, Sue Clearwater

Feels closer with her aunt Rosalie and her Uncle Emmett.

She always challenges her uncle Emmett to a dance off (which she always wins)

Loves her sister Renesmee

She is a bookworm like her dad and also has a major collection of music records

Loves her family very much

She often dances in private to let off a little steam or when she needs to clear her head

Has a great sense of fashion (thanks to her aunt Alice)

She's a loner like her dad and prefers her solitude, but there are times when she loves the comfort of her family

Is also a lover of yoga

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

E.J (Edward Jr.) Masen Swan Cullen

Faceclaim: Timothée Chalamet

E.J. is the second born triplet and firstborn son of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan

Like his sisters, he is also a Dhampir

He is called Eddie, Ed, mini Ed, or mini Edward by his family (mostly by his uncle Emmett)

He has a gift as well, which is telekinesis (moving things with his mind)

When E.J. shared his mother's womb with his sisters, the three of them could communicate with each other through their minds

E.J. and his sister's still have psychic conversations with each other in case they don't want their parents hearing them

E.J. takes after his father in appearance but has his mother's awkward introverted personality

E.J. is an artistic soul and loves painting, drawing and sketching.

He is a big loner.

Prefers silence but loves hearing his younger sister Nessie play piano

Loves playing chess with Edward

He often sketches his family or anything he sees

Loves training with his uncle Jasper

He is a little gentleman and modern feminist

A big bookworm

He is Esme's favorite (don't tell anyone🤫)

He is closer with his dad and often seeks him out for advice along with his uncle Jasper and Grandfather Carlisle

He is a baseball champion and one of the fastest runners in the Cullen clan

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Renesmee Carlie Swan Cullen

Faceclaim: Mackenzie Foy

Renesmee is the youngest child of Edward and Bella Cullen and the third triplet out of her siblings

She is a mommy's girl

Takes after both her parents but has her father's beauty in Bella's opinion

Also a Dhampir

Unlike her older siblings, she is actually very social and loves interacting with her family and making new friends

She loves playing piano and is a piano protege

She is very close with almost all her family

She is called Nessie, Ren, Nes and Beautiful by her family

She and her siblings grew up in Alaska, but when the triplets became teens, Bella wanted to go back to Forks and managed to convince everyone to join her

Renesmee has a bit of difficulty controlling her thirst and can sometimes go into a spiral, which is a risk to her family.

When Ness and her family moved to Forks, it wasn't an easy adjustment, but they soon grew comfortable. At least until the wolf shifter and Volturi drama happened.

Renesmee writes her own music and original pieces. She also plays music for Lizzie to dance to.

She hates seeing her family argue with each other or see her parents fight

Her gift is shield penetration and thought transmission. She can also have psychic conversations.

Renesmee tries to see the bright side of things and tries to make everyone happy.

(Before anyone asks: No! JACOB DOES NOT IMPRINT ON RENESMEE IN THIS UNIVERSE AND I REFUSE TO MAKE IT CANON!!!)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella was just a hallucination Edward was having but she didn't exist to anyone else?

Beautiful, anon, beautiful.

There's No New Girl in Forks

Midnight Sun starts a slight bit differently.

The Cullens are eating lunch as usual, Edward's bemoaning that he's in an endless purgatory of teenage filth (that he himself chose to frequent, Edward) and Edward vaguely notes the new girl that doesn't exist.

He's mildly surprised no one else seems to care about the new girl, she's good looking enough, he guesses, but it seems the denziens of Forks don't give a flying fuck.

He does get mildly annoyed when he sees that Jessica, Lauren, Mike, etc. are completely ignoring the girl at lunch. He knew Jessica was vain and self-centered, but this really goes beyond the pale. Wow, Forks sucks a lot.

Edward, however, doesn't comment on this to his family as it's just boring normal Forks behavior to him. He feels no need to acknowledge it's even happening and thinks his family's doing a great job being above it all (they're not as this girl doesn't actually exist).

Then Biology happens.

Edward Nearly Eats the Girl Who Doesn't Exist

Edward doesn't explain much of anything to the family.

He tells Carlisle he nearly ate someone (Bella Swan, Edward says, and Carlisle has a brief moment of 'who' but figures it's not worth focusing on when Edward seems to need to desperately leave the area) and then he's gone.

The Cullens try to puzzle out who it is/why Edward would react like that.

Someone must have had a nosebleed in Biology, they eventually figure, and like canon Alice feels terrible for missing it by focusing so much on what could happen to Jasper.

Edward comes back not long after and puts on a very brave face. The family's not as concerned this time around as they don't think it's a specific person's scent, all the same people are there after all, it must have just been a bad day/nose bleed. The likelihood of nosebleed happening again is probably pretty miniscule.

Carlisle gently reminds Edward that they tend to do blood testing in Biology and he may uh want to skip that day. Edward privately agrees but is mortified Carlisle says as much.

Edward Starts Talking to an Empty Seat

Edward interrogates the empty seat, determined to discover whether or not she's realized Edward is strange (the entire class now has as Edward's conversing with an empty chair, it's fucking weird, they figure he's role playing or something).

Edward finds himself intrigued, she gives answers he never would have suspected (almost as if she's not really a person).

This is terrible because the next day she's nearly hit by a van. Edward miraculously saves her in time.

His family wonders why the fuck Edward darted across the parking lot to save Jessica Stanley's front bumper.

"The rest of the car is totaled anyway" Emmett notes, Edward didn't even save the fucking car. And it's a really shitty car!

There's no vote that evening (despite Edward being shocked that there isn't one) as no one saw Edward's mad dash across the parking lot to not save Jessica's car.

Rosalie gives him hell for this, Edward thinks she's being callous dismissing Bella's life so easily and he points out that Bella could have died.

Rosalie thinks "Bella" is a hypothetical high school student who, in theory, could have been standing right there. She can't even.

Edward Starts Creeping in an Empty Room

Edward, unable to deny himself any longer, starts running out of the house to spy on the sleeping Bella in Charlie Swan's empty office that he thinks is a bedroom.

He asks himself why he saved her from the van and if she hasn't been sent here to torment him.

50/50 he eats Bella then and hides for several weeks from his family/potentially forever out of shame and the family has no idea what's happened to him and why the other 50 is he decides he must be in love.

Edward is in Love

Canon proceeds as Edward bails on his family to have lunch with an empty chair.

They feel vaguely insulted and very confused when Edward... starts talking to it about... theories.

"The fuck is he doing?" Rosalie asks, but then decides Edward's being a nerd or something. If she asks, Edward will just pretend Rosalie's the one being stupid and she won't fall for this obvious bait.

There's no Port Angeles as Alice doesn't have the vision that Bella's in danger (as Bella doesn't exist). Instead, eventually, Bella confesses that she discovered Edward's a vampire (how, unexplained, as she never went to La Push as I don't think Edward would make that connection)

"This woman is a saint" Edward breathes as she professes to love him anyway despite his vampirism. He takes her to the meadow and nearly eats her. What he's really doing, of course, is frolicking around by himself in the sunlight with a blouse on.

Edward has a great time.

Then comes the moment.

Edward invites Bella over to meet his family.

The Family Feels Very Taken Aback

"What?" they all ask, "Who?"

This is even worse than canon, where Bella Swan at least existed, and they saw Edward have conversations with her/nearly eat her. This is coming completely out of left field.

They don't even know a Bella! Where the fuck is she from?

"Oh, you're hilarious," Edward responds, laughing, thinking Carlisle's making a joke about how small of a town Forks is and how unlikely it is Edward would find his soulmate right here in high school.

Carlisle's not joking.

The family has an emergency meeting trying to figure out what anyone knows about this. Alice has seen nothing, she hasn't even seen this girl come over, there's a giant blank space.

Edward postulates that she's also immune to Alice's gift. It explains a lot, there's a lot that Alice should have been picking up on and since she's immune to Edward as well it would make sense.

"Uh, sure" Alice says, not sure how to feel about this at all or that a complete stranger is about to enter her life and might become a sister.

(She puts on a very brave face.)

Rosalie thinks this is a horrible idea. Edward, this girl has no reason to get involved. You've potentially ruined her life for no reason, behind everyone's back, what the fuck.

Edward tells her she wouldn't understand and likely makes a crack about Emmett.

Regardless, it's made clear, the girl's coming over in a few hours.

Rosalie bolts, she can't do this. She will not be a part of this, she needs to process and she is out! Emmett goes with her.

This leaves the rest of them. They hold their breath...

The Emperor Has No Clothes

Edward opens the door for nobody.

He talks to thin air, as if there's a person there, and looks at them as if expecting them to react. They have 0.005 seconds.

Esme recovers first and greets Bella with a warm smile. She punches Carlisle in the stomach, "Play along, dear!" as she assumes Edward's playing a game of some sort and this is some kind of hilarious (but not really) joke.

"Welcome to our house... Bella..." Carlisle somehow manages.

Alice and Jasper quickly disappear, they want no part in this.

Edward gives the thin air a tour of the house getting into a weird amount of Carlisle's personal history with it (Carlisle really really really doesn't feel comfortable about this).

Esme decides she should make pasta. Her name's "Bella" right? Isn't that Italian?

":/" - Carlisle Cullen

Eventually, Bella leaves, and Edward informs the family they did a marvelous job "EXCEPT FOR YOU, ROSALIE".

The family just kind of smiles awkwardly and laughs, waiting for Edward to drop the punch line of it all being a joke.

He doesn't.

The family has an emergency meeting.

Is Edward Fucking with Us?

There's heated debate while Edward's out creeping on Bella for the night as the family sees a few options.

One is that Bella exists but can be neither seen, nor heard, nor smelled. This is Esme's theory. It's... politely dropped.

Another is that Edward believes Bella exists and has gone completely mad. This is also moved past. It's a theory, and Edward has been acting a bit erratic (especially when Peter and Charlotte were visiting) but he's very consistent and this is also the first they've really heard of this.

A third is that Edward's getting passive aggressive bizarre revenge for the unspoken desire for him to get a girlfriend already. Nobody's said anything, nobody thought it was that big of a deal, but Edward must have been chafing at always being the odd man out and being pitied that this is his way of finally having enough.

This last is what they eventually settle on.

Rosalie still can't even.

"Well, what are we going to do about it?"

Alice sees confronting Edward going very bad places. Very... argumentative places, Edward apparently won't be breaking character until after the DVD commentary.

The best thing they can do, she informs them, is go along with it until Edward gets bored and realizes this is silly and nobody cares that he's single.

They all acknowledge that, as it's Edward and he's very stubborn, that could take a while...

Bella's Invited to a Baseball Game

Alice notes that it's a great day to play baseball! Oh, oh, Bella's coming too? Oh. Great.

Edward notes his family's lack of enthusiasm and informs them that they're being awful (ESPECIALLY YOU, ROSALIE) Think about it from Bella's perspective who has been so accepting of their nature. And here they are, acting like she's dirt beneath their feet.

"Alright, fine," Rosalie says, "I'll be the nicest person ever."

Edward watches in horror and embarrassment as Rosalie proceeds to be almost saccharine sweet to Bella (Bella of course is very flustered by the attention but is too naive to realize Rosalie's not being sincere at all).

The baseball game goes ahead as schelduled then to Edward's horror other vampires show up.

The Cullens... pause. Are they going to stop pretending now? Edward? Edward? Please? This will get very weird very fast and potentially dangeorus. Edward?!

Edward doesn't say anything but he starts acting really shifty, as if he's trying to hide someone from James, Victoria, and Laurent. He's also snarling.

"This is Edward," Carlisle introduces lamely.

As there's no tasty human to goad the Cullens with, while James is intrigued by Alice, I imagine he's actually too weirded out to do anything. They go on their way.

Edward is tormented he put Bella's life in such danger and vows to never do so again.

"... I think that's entirely possible" Carlisle notes, as Bella doesn't exist to be out in danger.

They Throw Bella a Birthday Party

Summer approaches and Bella is now invited to the house every day. The family vacates any room Edward's in as they don't want to be forced to talk to "Bella". Esme keeps making her cupcakes.

They frequently ask Alice how to make it stop or else when it will stop but so far as she can tell Edward will never decide to stop doing this so...

"For the foreseeable future" is what Alice notes much to the collective "ugh" of the family.

Emmett's just mildly disturbed by how in character Edward's getting. Though he does think Edward's waxing poetry about Bella is fucking hilarious (he doesn't know how he feels given that Edward's now funnier than him).

"Rock on, Edward" Emmett says.

Edward makes Alice throw Bella a birthday party.

Alice really doesn't want to. At all. She feels like Edward's just mocking her at this point. Even she's wondering when this will end.

Regardless, a birthday party is had and Alice is dismayed to learn that "Bella" didn't even want one. The girl is apparently too shy for parties or presents. Edward made her do this for nothing.

"Alice loves parties" - Edward to Bella

Jasper doesn't eat Bella because she doesn't exist. A very awkward party is had by all.

Things Continue

Things continue up until graduation at which point Edward professes he intends to leave Bella to live her human life for good.

("Thank fucking god" Rosalie says, it's a dumb conclusion to this dumb debacle but at least it's fucking over.)

They all conclude it's over and done with and gleefully plan the next move.

Except Edward ups and leaves.

He doesn't go to Rio, as there's no Victoria to chase, but he notes he needs some time to process his time away from Bella.

"... Sure, you do that" they all say, not sure what this is about but figuring Edward needs his space.

Edward leaves and... drops off the map. He stops calling, doesn't respond to them, and they start to get very worried. What the hell is going on with him?

Alice warns that any attempt at an intervention will lead to disaster. Just... let Edward get over this.

Edward likely goes to Dartmouth where the Bella in his head has gone to college. He watches her from afar, despairing when she gets a wonderful, intellectual, human boyfriend.

Edward sooner or later caves and decides to live apart from his family for the duration of Bella Swan's human life.

Eventually, We Reach Volterra

Edward goes to Volterra to kill himself when Bella dies.

Aro is greeted with this story (which from Edward's perspective is very real). "Oh, what a tragic story!" Aro notes, but as in canon notes he's not killing Edward over this.

Edward walks in the sun, there's no Bella to stop him.

Upon meeting the rest of the Cullens in the aftermath... Aro awkwardly learns there was no Bella.

He decides not to tell them that uh Edward wasn't joking.

[restinslices]

(I swear to y’all, imma go back to Mortal Kombat. But I have to rant. Imma pretend it’s the early 2000s and rant about Twilight. If you’re pro any of the Cullens, don’t even read this)

I’m not saying Jacob should’ve kissed Bella, but my thing is this; Jacob kisses you and you call him a dog and say you hope Edward kills him. Edward has done foul shit the ENTIRE SERIES and you let him slide repeatedly. There’s this part where Bella gets mad and says something like “at least Edward an act like an adult”. Bitch. He IS AN ADULT. What do you mean? Bella is way more harsh when it comes to Jacob and I don’t get why she holds so much anger towards this child and holds him to this high standard but has none of these feelings when it comes to the old ass adult she’s with. Since I’m typing, Stephanie Myers is weird and idc what y’all say. I remember Bella described Leah as beautiful in an EXOTIC way. MA’AM? It feels like she realized how asshole-ish the Cullens are and tried to make the wolves seem worse but all I’m thinking is “they’re definitely in the right when it comes to not liking the Cullens”.

The wolves don’t like vampires because they’re a safety risk. The Cullens being there (keep in mind, they’re rich enough to leave and never come back) is triggering these young ass people to turn into wolves. The Cullens don’t like the wolves because?? They have no valid reason. Edward constantly says the wolves are dangerous and yeah, they’re not the safest to be around but compared to vampires they’re a lot safer. Bella has only been harmed by vampires and only the vampires have tried to end her life. James, Laurent, Jasper, Victoria, the new born army that’s forming, the Volturi. She’s only been in danger because of the wolves once. Like, I don’t get how Stephanie expects us to agree with Edward when there’s proof that the wolves are way safer. Not 100% safe but better than vampires. And while I love Seth, I swear Seth is the “you’re not like the others” character. They only like Seth because he doesn’t hold animosity towards them as if that animosity isn’t valid. It’s giving “you’re not like other blacks, you talk proper” (ik he’s not black, it’s an example). I’m finishing the books because I’m too deep to quit but I wish they let Victoria finish the job.

[starr-angelofnarnia]

Literally always wondered about this. The "police" of the vampire world massacre tourists every day, but the Cullens living amongst humans are the ones who are going to expose their kind? Um okay.

Tuscan police when a third of global disappearances is linked to tourists in Volterra:

[loveswrites]

Hi!🫶🏻

How are you? You haven't written in a long time. Btw, i really like your fics.

I was wondering if you could maybe write a poly!cullen x reader fic?

If you don't like it, you don't have to, of course🫶🏻

So I'm Tasty? Poly Cullens X Reader

Time it took me: 1 hour

Word count: 624 words

To Anon: Hey love! I'm doing lovely! Thank you for read my writing! I love when you guys tell me how much you like what I create! I wrote this one just for you. It might be a little short but I heard you guys miss me?

Love <3

“I’m better when I’m with you.” Jasper said, holding your hand as the two of you strolled through the woods. Well the eight of you. You and Jasper just separated yourselves from the group a little. 

“What do you mean?” You questioned looking up at him.

You were the one that had suggested that you guys go for a walk. You were feeling stuck in cluttered sitting inside of your own house all day. You much more preferred sitting in the Cullen's house rather than your own. 

“My thirst for human blood is easier to tame when I’m with you.” Jasper said, keeping his eyes front as you stepped on the wet wooded area.

“So what you're saying is I don’t smell good enough? I’m not intoxicating? I’m offended.” You pouted, crossing your arms. Hearing laughter next to you and a few laughs and snickers behind you made you turn around stopping in your tracks. 

“And why are you laughing?” You yelled slightly offended.

“You feel the same-” 

“Yes.” You were cut off as you continued.

“You think I wouldn't taste good!” You said pointing to each individual Cullen who each had a slight smile on their face. Their golden eyes look at you with so much amusement. 

“I actually think the opposite.” Emmett said, raising his hand.

“Me too, You humble our desire for you a little too much sweetheart.” Esme said, also raising her hand causing Carlisle to laugh a little.

“You were the first human in a long time. I didn't think I would be able to resist.” Rose said, raising her hand as well.

“You think this type of resistance is just here and easy?” Alice said, holding her hand high. 

“Though I would never ‘eat’ you, I’ve seen it.” She smiled. You shook your head as you smiled Alice always uses her powers to see a little further into the future to calm your nerves rather it’s because of a test or if a plane was going to blow up tomorrow. 

“You already know how I feel.” Edward said, raising his hand with a slight smirk on his face.

“I think what we meant was we also feel the same as in your presence. Your presence is so calming and relaxing to us that the urge to ‘Eat you’ As you say is buried deep inside.” Carlisle said, smiling at you. It’s like his Golden eyes shimmered every time you looked at him.

“But trust me it’s still there.” Jasper added, making you laugh immediately. Because as much as he loves you and you knew that for a fact. There are still some times when you can’t be around Jasper Because he hasn’t eaten for a few days.  

The rest of the Cullens nod in agreement to Jasper's words.

“So I am Tasty?” You questioned just wanting to confirm.

“Yes darling. Now let’s go.” Jasper said, throwing his arm around your waist guiding you to start back walking. The sun was creeping back down and with Vampires or not you never liked to just sit in the woods at night. 

“So hypothetically if I were to bake a cherry pie with just a little bit of blood you think you guys would notice?” You questioned walking with Jasper.

“Don’t do that.” 

“A cherry pie sounds good actually.”

“Immediately.”

“That doesn’t look like a good decision, please don’t make that.”

“I don’t think it counts as biting a human right?”

“That would break my no blood streak sadly.”

“You guys are no fun.” You pouted still thinking about it.

“Don’t make it!” Alice yelled.

“Why not!” You yelled back starting a bickering war all the way to the Cullens house.

 Something you loved to do with your anti blood lovers.

[flippinpancakes64]

Could you do The Cullens x Reader! Who is just a very happy and cheerful person, pretty small, and then they just get sad or teary eyed when someone calls them childish, what would be their reaction?

The Cullens with a very happy but sensitive reader

I can definitely relate to the sensitive part, but I am rather large so we'll see how good I am at portraying that

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy

Edward:

He doesn’t mind that you’re smaller than him

He actually kinda likes it

And he loves your personality

It’s so bright and nice

It’s a good change of pace to hear kind and clear thoughts as opposed to mean and rude ones

Now as far as when he hears people insulting you

He doesn’t let that shit fly

Especially when you come up to him later with tears in your eyes

He is anti-bully and pro-you

He will knock a bitch out

And he does his best to reassure you that he loves you for you and that he never wants you to change ever

Alice:

All things considered, you are like her clone

Small, cheerful, peppy

Only difference is that what other people say still gets to you

Granted, she’s had over 100 years to become desensitized

But she knows the feeling

Those people calling you childish have called her that too

She tells them to back off and watch themselves

As for you, she never wants you to change

You are so vibrant and lively and fun

And if those people ever got to you and you felt that you needed to try to change yourself, she shuts that down instantly

No changing yourself to fit into society for her

One order of being your own person please

Jasper:

He loves your personality so much

It’s canon that he tends to gravitate towards people who have a positive mind because it makes him feel better

And what better person than sunlight embodied

But when you come to the lunch table one day and you look like you’re about to cry, he is ready to fight

He doesn’t actually fight tho

He knows he won’t be able to hold back and he will end up killing someone

He loves you, but not enough to blow their whole cover and to reset all of his progress

He reassures you that he doesn’t think you’re childish

If anything, everybody else is just miserable

Rosalie:

Grumpy and sunshine relationship dynamic?

She likes to give you a hard time sometimes, pretending to be annoyed at how energetic you are

But in reality she loves it

She’s so used to Edward being miserable and everyone at school being miserable that she loves your personality

And she does fight someone

When you come over after school and look like you’re about to cry, she instantly takes her earrings out

She finds whoever said it and beats their ass

She will not let anyone upset you like that ever again

Emmett:

Your personality is a nice change from Rosalie’s

Not that he would admit that

But it’s nice to have someone who actually acts happy all the time

You’re his little ray of sunshine and he loves you

And when you come up to him about to cry, he gets ready to kill someone

And then he actually does

The guy deserved it idk

They can’t trace it back to him so it’s all ok

He reassures you as much as you need that he loves you and that he never wants you to change

Esme:

Another ray of sunshine

She’s so inviting and kind, you two match each other perfectly

Only she’s never really had to deal with anyone calling her childish

She’s of course had the random soccer mom asking her if she’s really qualified to be caring for a bunch of teenagers, but that’s it

So when you come home crying, she’s not too sure of what to do

She does her best to comfort you

Cue your favorite food, movie, and blanket

She spends the whole night cuddling with you and telling you that you are perfect exactly as you are

Carlisle:

He appreciates a nice, positive person

He deals with a lot of rude people at work, so it’s good to unwind

He has never once thought of you as childish in any way

One day you’re visiting him in the clinic and a random man says that you’re far too childish to be dating the doctor

He’s shocked

And you’re upset

He takes you back to his office to calm down and pages the secretary to kick that guy out

Reassures you that you are not childish and that he never wants you to change

Vampire! Bella:

She’s been around sunshine people for a long time

Her mom, Alice, Esme, and Edward when he gets what he wants

So your presence is nothing new

But she appreciates it nonetheless

She loves how you can find the good in everything

It balances out her bleak mindset

So when she sees someone insult you, she’s irate

She goes over to them and like stomps on their foot or something

And then tells them to never even look at you again

Ultimate bodyguard

[reignof-fyre]

Adding more to this just cause

Jasper being shamed for his struggle with blood-lust makes me angry cause he feels not only his own, but his entire covens

Rosalie's whole personality is mean and I want a baby and I despise it. meyer could have made Rosalie so much better but just didn't - also her creepy obsession w babies and her almost acting like a mum to rotisserie is weird

Alice is actually creepy

Dickward's belief that he's above the law is actually so fucking dumb like there's only two options once a human knows about you and that's 1) turn em or 2) kill em and in the supernatural world that makes sense like???? Why did he think he could keep Bella human and ALSO him denying her turning is him disrespecting her choices and bodily autonomy (same with rosalie's stance on turning) you cannot change my mind like if she says she wants to be a vamp, stfu Edward

There's A LOT of issues with bodily autonomy actually and also dickward making decisions for Bella without her imput/opinion and its super controlly and Victorian and I despise it

Esme may be compassionate and motherly but she's also blind to her children's flaws, same with Carlisle.

I feel more sympathy for Victoria than anyone else cause her man was killed for following his natural instincts as a vampire to hunt and kill ???? I don't get it fr

The Cullen's diet is actually negatively impactful to the environment and animal population 😐

The volturi could have been so much more bad ass but Meyer just made them cartoon villains and it annoys me lol

The not so subtle racism towards native Americans is actually so disgusting and enrages me so much, doubly so since the tribe Meyer wrote about is real and has suffered since her books were published.

So I made the mistake of rereading my favourite twilight fic, and I'm sitting here realizing there is just so much about the series that is Not Good and I just have to yell about it for fucking real lmao

[felixschokehold]

Disclaimer: List is due to change over time as new things are learned about each character.

Bias|Favorites 

Ultimate Bias: Felix of the Volturi

He is TALL.

He has very little scenes in the books/movies but the back story I’ve given him and literally just my own story of him has made me very attached to him.

I also love Daniel Cudmore as Felix and I am perpetually Dead^TM.

Cannot help but to love fictional homicidal men.

Edward Cullen

Edward (and Bella) call to my BPD/bipolar so fucking hard. I understand the obsession. The mania. The self hatred. The lack of confidence in someone loving you because you don’t feel “good enough”.  

Love the vigilante vampire side story. Homicidal? Check. Justified killings? Double check. Love it. Living for it.

Leah Clearwater

An absolute badass.

She deserved much better.

Demetri of the Volturi

In the books he’s also Tall. 

In the movies he’s very charming and funny (i.e. shoving Felix to hoard food).

I feel very sorry for him since Aro literally kidnapped him from Amun’s coven.

Emmett Cullen

Everyone’s fave himbo. 

Felt very protective of Bella as a brother very early on (Midnight Sun describes this during driving away from the baseball scene). 

Marcus of the Volturi

His entire life was ruined by Aro and I feel so sorry for him.

He had the greatest love of all time and it was ripped from him. 

Is absolutely done with everything and is ready to die at any moment. Mood. 

Jane and Alec

Literally just two innocent children. 

Aro also basically ruined their life and turned them without their consent (afaik). 

Forcefully bound and kept content by Aro. 

So much pity for them. My children.

Paul 

Anger issues. Same. 

Have you seen him?

Indifferent

Alice Cullen

Continuously and borderline obnoxiously tries to force Bella into her own picture of femininity.

Literally is okay with loving a non-repentant Confederate soldier.

She is nice but just kind of rubs me the wrong way ig.

Carlisle Cullen

Created his own “family” without any consent from them as they lay dying. 

Sam Uley

Seems like a hardass, but was probs just trying to be a leader and do what was best. 

Esme Cullen 

She is wholesome but not my cup of tea. 

Some motherly figures make me feel weird because mine is dead lmao.

The Pack

Unnamed members above and below go here, just no reason to like or dislike them.

The Denali Coven

I understand where Irina comes from. Kate is pretty cool ig. Tanya is alright. Eleazar and Carmen are hot af. I just don’t feel any certain way for the whole clan.

Anti|Non Favorites

Ultimate Anti: Jacob Black

Imprinting on a child; Smeyers writing imprinting as how wolves “find their mate”, and the “future” Alice saw in the movie of them acting kind of romantic to each other has made me have a very vile taste for Jacob Black. Pre-wolf Jacob? Totally cool. Post-wolf Jacob? Absolute fucking incel. 

Aro of the Volturi

Aro doesn’t “recruit”, he straight up kidnaps. He uses Chelsea and Corin’s powers to remove vampires he wants from covens they’re in and ties them to him for ultimate loyalty. He killed his own sister, Didyme, because he didn’t want Marcus to leave as he and Didyme were mated and wanted to dip from the Volturi. Aro is enslaving and kidnapping vampires on the reg.

Caius of the Volturi

He is the only member of the Volturi that Aro has not forced to stay. Caius stays on his own, he only uses Corin’s ability to cure his boredom when he isn’t committing mass murder or punishing lawbreakers. 

Rosalie Cullen (Hale) 

Supreme Bitch for literally no reason. 

Pro-lifer. 

Treats Bella like absolute garbage and almost gets her own brother killed because “Bella I eNvY yOu”

Rene 

Was never a real mother to Bella, Bella had to mother her. 

Selfish. 

Just annoying and a terrible person lol.

Charlie Swan 

Didn’t do anything in the movie when Jacob kissed Bella without consent. In the book, he praised Jacob for kissing Bella.

ACAB. 

Jasper Cullen (Hale) 

I only put him here because he’s a Confederate soldier with no remorse. 

Probably a racist.

Quil 

Also imprinted on a child.

[cto10121]

Watching Breaking Dawn: Part 1, easily the most boring and slow-paced of all the Twilight movies until the pregnancy drama—and that’s saying something. I’ll just get right to it:

Bella voiceover-ing the St. Millay quote is not it. For one thing, that is not Bella’s line, that is just the epigraph of the whole book. It’s as if they decided to have Bella V.O. the Genesis quote from the first book. Nah, son

Yeah, let’s start a movie all about Bella and Edward with…Jacob finding out about the invitation. Because the script is so patently in love with Jacob

Not Bella touching the dreamcatcher just before her wedding…Script Being in Love With Jacob Part 383872928

“You aren’t a virgin?” If the movies had been smart about their humor they could have included Emmett laughing at this O.S. I would have

And of course they had Edward tell Bella about his Batman vigilante years just before the day of!!!!! Meanwhile Book!Edward told her in the very first book of the series. No wonder people call this relationship abusive. It’s not…it’s just the movies sucked hard at adaptation. Also the scriptwriter just could not write Edward for shit

They finally show some Emmett/Edward/Jasper bromaderie…last movie of this series but better some than never

Dream Bella’s wedding looks so nice in all white with the rose petals…also Stewart is styled better than her wont, she actually looks more in line with Book Bella. Also her dream wedding dress looks better than her official one. Not by much, though.

But! I have to question why the movie included this as the dream instead of the immortal child dream in canon. Bella is definitely not having second thoughts about being with Edward—she just hates being center of attention, so the whole experience of the wedding is onerous to her. So she wouldn’t dream about this particular cold feet. I suppose the dream is actually about her worries about losing herself to her vampire bloodlust once she turns. I’ll be generous for once and opt for that interpretation

“Are those graduation caps?” Billy Burke!Charlie being the best as ever, I see. But also I’m reminded of that movie-only detail, so bleurgh. So stupid

The human characters gawking hilariously at the Denalis and being realistically shallow and catty…This Script Loves the Human Characters Too Much Part 848472728

Yeah, Bella’s actual wedding dress is a bit of a disappointment. It’s not old-fashioned enough to be charming and not modern enough to be sleek and sophisticated. It’s kind of in that bland middle.

Stephanie Meyer cameo!!! She honestly looks more Esme than the actress playing Esme. Hate how the antis say Bella’s her self-insert…they’re both brunette and that’s basically it. Meyer is actually too curvy and her hair is curly, not wavy like Bella’s. Also, Bella’s top lip is supposed to be bigger than her bottom half—not the case with Meyer.

The music is still the worst, I see. Generic orchestral scoring + mediocre pop songs that will be instantly dated in some years. As always, Hollywood only get actually good composers for dumb dick flick shit.

Carmen just straight up smooching Bella on the cheeks…movie, I beg you to please remember that they are all vampires here.

Irina’s face when she sees the wolves 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The acting, I swear. But I guess the movie introducing that conflict early is good set up. But the execution…Irina just implying Bella is a liar is not it, fam. That Laurent wanted to kill Bella is verifiable.

“Bella, I hope you’ve gotten enough sleep these last years, ‘cause you won’t be getting any more in a while.” 💯 Script Writes Good Emmett Lines Part 939383828. Also, Charlie just *chugging champagne* just clinches it

“Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I’m a cop. I know things.” 💯 Script Writes Charlie the Best For No Good Reason Part 393982727.

Bella and Edward actually laughing together and having a good time during the cringe toasts is probably the closest I’ll ever get to canon Book Bedward and that makes me so, so irritated

Edward’s speech is actually…well-written? Let me see…holy shit. That was actually an adaptation and not dutiful verbatim. Script had (1) braincell about Edward after all

Aaaand once again Movie Bella is more happy to see Jacob than she is at her whole wedding. 🤮Script Is In Love With Jacob Part 48837727272. But this is even more egregious, since in the book Bella was happy at her wedding!!! In fact, it’s the first time that she actually described herself as beautiful!!!!! She couldn’t stop kissing Edward!!!! Please, movie, I beg you to let Stewart emote!!!!!

Trying hard for that Bella/Renée feels…actually it’s tragic that Bella never realized how dirty she had been done by having Renée as a mother

So many beautiful Brazilian compositions out there and many fun rhythms (the baión in my favorite) and they chose the most generic samba imaginable. Ahimè

Isle Esme looks nice. That’s it, but…yeah, it does

Do we really need a whole montage over Bella’s human minutes post sex scene? Nah, son. Some book-accurate details could have definitely been shortened. Also, that song is horrible

…Why do they look like there’s a green screen when they’re in the water? It’s so weird. Oh God…

🎶I’ve waited a hundred years 🎶 Oh God the horrible music is so on-point it’s cringe

THEY ACTUALLY SHOWED EDWARD DESTROYING THE BED BOARD, I CAN���T

Listen, I understand that some people were disappointed by the fade-to-black sex scene (I know I was in my tender years) but in hindsight it made the comedy of Edward’s angst and Bella riding on the vampire dick high so much better. You just don’t get that vibe in the movie.

Edward: “Bella, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” 😐 Pattinson really dngaf

Bella: “Why can’t you see how perfectly happy I am???” Idk, Bella…maybe because you looked shocked and appalled when he revealed your bruises? Instead of being cutely bemused and nonchalant as you were in the books? Stewart’s acting choices really are questionable

They actually showed the reactions of the Ticuna housemaids to Bedward’s bedroom 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 If movie movie’d properly they could have had a scene with Kaure warning her husband or something

I will say this for Pattinson’s Portuguese, it’s at least intelligible. So kudos, I guess

Book Edward: *burning man look, literally half-mad, will do anything so that Bella would survive* Movie Edward: 😔 So unserious

…Why the hell did they overlap the actors’ voices with the wolves’ growls???? It’s so damn corny. And these actors aren’t clearly voice actors…

So Movie Bella accepts that she will die and the baby will live (Book Bella meanwhile stuck to her plan and was adamant she and the fetus would both live), thereby fucking over Movie Edward and just being OOC in general. Meanwhile Movie Edward yells at Bella for her choice and slams the door. Kind reminder that no matter his hatred of the fetus Book Edward does help Bella and is always at her side, to the point where he rejects hunting with the rest of the family

They do portray Bella’s malnourished state well…I hope those bones on poor Stewart were not real

I’m so happy that they just got rid of Bella’s sense of humor through her pregnancy (“Hey, it’s good practice”) and her dark sense of humor in general. By happy, of course, I mean “fucking irked”

I like how awkwardly/casually they spring the “Edward can hear the fetus’s thoughts” thing and of course Patt!Edward just accepts this. Meanwhile Book Bella almost shrieked in surprise and Edward was having a second revelation.

So Movie Jacob wants Sam to take back Leah and Seth. He also decides now that he would kill Renesmee and tells Sam this. And this is somehow Jacob playing them for fools…? I don’t even know, this makes no sense. Why can’t Jacob and Leah and Seth guard the Cullens as in the book?

Edward: *stabs Bella’s stomach huge ass needle* “It’s my venom.” Why, movie? He looks like he’s impaled her! At least RPatt’s acting is good here

JACOB’S IMPRINTING VISION HAS ADULT RENESMEE FROLICKING, OH GOD. Movie truly took the worst possible route re: the imprinting. Nothing in the books justify this. And with corny editing too

The wolves attacking the Cullens was so stupid…movies always got to movie, I guess

The transformation sequence was okay…dislike the use of Bella’s Lullaby, though. Totally inappropriate for the pain and drama of the transformation.

[zalrb]

I have mixed feelings about Twilight. So I hate the movies. They are awful, period.

But the books are where Twilight has the potential to be interesting. If you read the books as if Bella is an unreliable narrator, Twilight becomes much darker because Edward/Bella (and let’s be honest, Jacob/Bella, Alice/Jasper, and Carlisle/Esme) are all really unhealthy relationships. Edward just doesn’t care about Bella at all, she’s a mannequin he can project onto.

If there was a TV show/movie that depicted it that way, with more attention devoted to the much more interesting side characters, I’d watch it. But I know it’s just going to be more Morman propaganda, anti-Quileute racism, and the most stale romance. Ugh.

My favourite thing about this ask is it being like, If you just change these major aspects of the series that contextualize everything else in it, it would be interesting. LMAO .

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if renee was the one carlisle turned after edward and esme was bella's divorced-and-recently-remarried mom?

Well, the thing is, you say that like any of these things would happen or we'd get to canon.

(As a side note, I love it when you guys do this. You assume you can switch things around and we'll totally end up exactly where canon was with no changes, right? Totally.)

But let's start with the Cullen side.

Carlisle Turns Renee

Edward's horrified. He considers Renee to be a self-centered monster (note that Edward approved of Renee in canon but... only really in her relation to Bella and that she brought Bella into this world. He considered her to be a very selfish person based on what Bella told him and her thoughts).

She gets the Rosalie treatment tenfold.

I imagine this drives Edward out the door sooner and... likely means he doesn't come back as now instead of Esme and Carlisle (whom he adores) he'll have to deal with Renee and be unable to get Carlisle to get rid of her.

Edward considers eating people he finds to be morally repugnant while despising himself.

As a result, Carlisle may or may not turn the rest of the Cullens and if he does they may or may not go to Forks. If they do, then Edward's not there to have his romance with Bella Swan.

Esme is Bella's Mother

Unclear if Esme and Charlie would have gotten divorced. The Renee and Charlie situation sounded like a complete mess all around, one where they never should have gotten married, and maybe that happens with Esme and Charlie but...

The thing is that Esme in canon does everything for her child and she has the best chance of supporting them if she stays with Charlie who has a stable job and cares for his daughter. She left in canon because her husband was abusive and would put her and her child in danger.

More, Bella would be a completely different person growing up without Renee. Bella's character is greatly informed by growing up with her mother and feeling she had to be her own parent.

Bella with Esme, even if Esme remains married to Charlie, has a very strong and supportive mother figure. Bella may still have her self-esteem issues, may still have her issues with her parents, but probably not to the same degree as she did in canon and probably not the same longing for the Cullens who she sees as the perfect family unit.

She'd probably still be attracted to Edward and have her fling, as he's a very hot boy who notices her, but we'd see a lot more concern on Esme's end and a lot more devastation from Bella on having to leave both parents behind (and assuring herself they can totally email, totally)

[sapphiredhearts-a]

@antihcroes | closed starter

he felt like he was flying . although he was not the fastest of the cullen clan , emmett still enjoyed running . it was one of the many perks of his new life and sometimes he ran around their property alaska where they were currently staying when he wasn't even going out to hunt . he loved the wind , he loved how even barefoot the snow on the ground felt like a blanket , and he loved how he never ran out of breath as he ran - not even if he went for hours . he was finishing one of these said runs that day as he came back to the house . he wore jeans and a flannel - actually putting on tennis shoes today despite not needing protection from the cold . sometimes he missed having to do human things but the pros for him seemed to outweigh any discomfort he would feel . he was humming to himself when he came across her by accident . in general , emmett tended to avoid the blonde . he didn't necessarily mean anything by it - he just found that her vibe brought him down more often than not . he was grateful that she had saved him and brought him into this life - but when he expressed that gratitude he got the sense that she didn't appreciate it . edward was just as gloomy - seriously , the whole family needed anti depressants when he came around - but he could lighten up sometimes and the boys had found common ground over the months since emmett had been turned . rosalie , albeit the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen , seemed to be a lost cause . still - emmett's mother had not raised him up to not speak when he saw someone . so the boy swallows his pride and nods in her direction . ' I didn't realize anyone was here . ' carlisle had to work and esme had mentioned hunting with edward . he realized now that no one had mentioned rosalie - but she seemed content to do her own thing . at least , that's how emmett saw it . ' do you - uh - need . . . I mean want some company ? '

[waldensblog]

So I finished New Moon as part of my twilight re-read, and... I kinda violently dislike the Cullens now? And I am absolutely 110% on Charlie and the Wolves side. Long ass rant below the line.

Bella gets a papercut at her 18th birthday, and is about to be murdered for it. Edward is completely 100% right on the car-ride back that if she went to Angela’s house or something, this shit wouldn’t have happened. So at first it’s like “oh good, Edward realizes this is very bad for her, since he does love her, he’s going to make the selfless choice and leave.”

And then this motherfucker manages to find a way to do in a selfish-ass manner. He barely says two words to her for DAYS and tells his entire family to skip town without saying ONE WORD to this girl whose grown very attached to all of them - especially Alice. Apparently she wanted to say goodbye but Edward decided it’s better this way. Now... it’s easy to just be mad at Edward for that, but no. I’m furious at all of them, Alice included. She could have ignored Edward, told him that’s a dickish move, and said goodbye in person, or SOMETHING. Like Charlie says SOME WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE. 

And then Edward, Mr. “Don’t go into the forest please, it’s dangerous” decides the best way to break up with Bella is to... bring her into said forest when breaking it off and leave her there. He even takes the fucking time to forge a note saying where Bella went - maybe because he knew she’d end up on the forest floor like that? Edward... what the actual fuck? No really, why not break up with her in her BEDROOM where she’ll lie in her bed, be safe... this is just... dude... wtf. 

Bella is then depressed for MONTHS on end, and Charlie is doing his fucking best. Unfortunately Bella never did get to have a slumber party with Jess and Angela, honestly - I think that would have helped so much. She spent so much time being depressed, feeling there was a hole, etc. and never got to the stage of being angry - furious, at all of them. She wouldn’t have needed to give details, she could have just gone on a tangent about the literal leaving-her-completely-out-of-the-blue, while Angela nodded and Jessica fist-pumped like she’s at a fucking rave. I was robbed, robbed of this possibility. Rather than go through that kinda healing, she basically ignores all her friends. 

And I think Bella was honest-to-god enthralled. She refers to it in Twilight as Dazzling, and we see that vampires have this uncanny ability to persuade someone - nurses, waiters, teachers, etc. whether they are conscious of it or not. I can’t help but think that when Edward decided he was going to talk to Bella, try and date her - he enthralled her (whether he knew it or not), and that’s why she just can’t get past it. She should be furious at him, but she isn’t.

Bella ends up spending time with Jake - at first she’s kind of using him, she wants the motorcycles to get hallucinations of Edward, which - Girl, get therapy, please. But over time she really grows fond of him, they become best friends, and I can actually see her falling in love with him. I know Meyer clarifies on her website that she did fall in love with him in New Moon, and I can fucking see it. 

At first she tells him she doesn’t share his feelings, but then she says “Maybe I could” and compares him to Paris - I don’t like that she’s seeing him as 2nd choice, but it’s clear that she does love him. He is her sun, he makes her feel whole again, she becomes a “wolf girl”, standing there in her dream beside Emily, another “wolf girl”. He puts his arm around her, holds her hand, calls her “honey”, others say she’s his “girlfriend”, and she doesn’t decline it. Then Mike straight up asks “are you dating him?” and Bella answers “not in the technical sense”. I’m sorry but... an answer like that is... she loves him, but is afraid to move on. She even then almost does - they almost kiss in his car when Alice shows up.

And of course... Bella, enthralled as she is, decides to go to Alice. Personally, if my 18-year old ass had been in that car with Jake deliberating “shift or get her to safety” and I saw Alice’s car, I’d have been like “Wait I know that car! Yeah let’s get the fuck out of here!!!” and held my middle finger to the window as he sped off. Like you really want to go see this “friend” who straight up ghosted you for months? Naw, not me. 

Jacob, despite being treated shittily, is more than understanding. I think the wolves are immune to enthrallment, and they can see it for what it is - so they try. Jacob comes back, he tries to talk to her, and they again, nearly kiss - it’s so close. But then shit happens, and oh no, Edward’s gonna kill himself because he’s a fucking drama queen. 

Bella, feeling responsible decides she must help. So she ditches Charlie, ditches Jacob, and runs off. 

When she comes back with Edward in toe? Oh.my.god. the rage, the seething from Charlie, like... I get it. I feel it. I side with it. Charlie straight up asks like... how dare you show your face? And no really, how dare he? Dude ditches town with no word, leaving Bella an absolute mess, then he brings her back after she ran off suddenly. Like from Charlie’s POV he’s gotta be thinking “Billy is fucking right, fuck this family.” Charlie then tries to forbid Edward from being in the house or seeing Bella, and she says no - obviously, being 18, he can’t make her do anything - but he’s concerned, and honestly, I’d be fucking concerned too. Her behaviour is irrational af from his POV. 

When Jacob shows up at the end, he isn’t even aware that Bella had been trying to call him. He thought Edward was controlling her movements - and again, it’s easy to see why he thinks that. From where he’s standing, Bella is enthralled, and is acting extremely irrationally. He’s trying to protect his best friend from what he sees as an obvious abuser, and the only way he knows how is to get her in trouble with the motorcycles (kinda odd to me that Charlie would ground Bella that specific way instead of letting her go to La Push, you’d think Charlie would be driving them together there frequently, but I digress). 

Jacob is sorry to get her in trouble, but he’s a 16-year old boy, and he’s doing his best. Then when Bella reaches out to him - Edward actually, literally, holds her back. How, exactly, is Jacob supposed to interpret this beyond Edward controlling her, even where she isn’t enthralled. Of course he’s pissed off. 

Of course all the wolves feel so strongly against the Cullens. Who found her on the forest floor, the dangerous-ass forest floor after Edward left her? Sam. Who was there for her when they weren’t, making her feel like a person again? Jacob. Who protected her from a vampire that the Cullens, as a collective, should have had the fucking brains to realize would absolutely come to Forks? The wolves. Who is responsible for these literal children shifting? The Cullens. Who has a ton of money and could easily do just about anything they want and decide to buy like 6 expensive cars and live in a mansion, hoarding their wealth? The Cullens. Who are immortal colonizers that damn well know what living there does? The Cullens. 

So yeah, my first time reading it, I was Team Jacob, but I didn’t hate all the Cullens. Now? Nah, fuck all y’all. Team Wolf pack, team Charlie, all the fucking way. Maybe I’ll feel differently after Eclipse, idk, but right now? Fuck them. 

[geezerwench]

Esme to Rosalie and Edward probably.

[magicianpanache]

Edward, Carlisle and Esme: The Cullen Ménage à Trois

I can't help finding it very convenient for Edward that by shacking up Esme and Carlisle, he gets to be the center of the world of the two people he cares most about.

Esme loves him more than anything, even maybe her husband, as any mother would, meaning she'll ultimately always be on his size.

Carlisle, though, is more independent. Sure, Edward has a special place as Carlisle’s first creation, but Carlisle has a job (doctor) and an identity outside of the coven (that weird monk). Edward, ever the clever bugger, ensures he’ll never leave by finding her a wife who will always be devoted first and foremost to him.

I find that hilarious.

[dalekofchaos]

Sad but true