#guess who still thinks every aspect of The Search is terrible: this guy

[bugcatcherkit]

What are your thoughts on Reigen I'm so curious now

Ohhh where do i start with Contradictions Georg himself.... Masking Andy... (clenches teeth) I have to make a list so I don't rant about one particular thing only.

the thing that hits hardest for me about his character is his Existentialism man. it's terribly relatable. Indeed, he is a Very Small Guy in a Very Big World and it's difficult to be Seen because of that. But also he's littered with Fear of Being Perceived and Understood. So he deals with his Existentialism by reaching for something (he doesn't know what) that'll make him somebody (he doesn't know who, just that it can't be his genuine self). MAN!!!!!!

Second thing that hits hard about his character is his unfiltered insecurities and self-loathing. Every time someone goes "We have to talk" he goes over every mistake or possible mistake he's ever made. He's the type of guy to search up the meaning of a word before he uses it, even if he's used it a 100 times before. Because what if he's wrong this one specific time?? Also his insecurities frequently make him act worse (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) rather than better (as opposed to Mob most of the time) and i appreciate that so much.

I appreciate his Just Some Guyness over his babygirlness (not that they can't coexist i guess). Sorry guys. This is also why i think i prefer manga Reigen over anime Reigen. Like i can appreciate anime Reigen's maxed-out eccentricities and stuff, but overall I like the more Reservedness (?) that manga Reigen has. Personally it makes his groundedness, bad actions, and self-improvement hit a little harder. It goes well with his struggle to display his emotions in a loose and genuine way.

but despite this he's still silly. and frequently outlandishly embarrassing. and these are super important to his character also. Alongside his very genuine concern and care for the lives of others at any given moment.

He's always talking about his interpersonal relationships in terms of the Respect the other party holds for him. and then Separation Arc comes in with a steel chair that says "you have to give respect back to make a relationship Good and Fair and Genuine, idiot."

the only relationship this doesn't hold true to is with Dimple. Neither of them have any respect for each other really. And it's awesome.

i love how he is always just some Mediocre guy. He slowly self-improves certain aspects of his life but at the end of the day he's still paying Grown Man Serizawa 300 yen an hour (last time I checked). So.

Him being Mob's foil also means he has a lot in common with other Mob antagonists. But he has so many Mogamisms that it drives me up the wall. Sometimes he'll say a Mogamism and in my mind Mob looks at him with such a sudden intensity that he gets Scared

I frequently think of the scene where he is at the bar during Separation Arc and he realizes the bar people aren't his friends. And he says "I'm not good at this" and leaves. I don't have much to expand here but just know that when I think of how he experiences interpersonal relationships I think about this line. Because he's so good at a lot of things but Not This (Relationships overall. But also probably solving their problems in the moment).

not a fan of Dad or Uncle Reigen. To anyone really. Sorryyy. No hate to those who are though.

uhhhhhhh umm this has gotten so long. Sorry this is so unorganized i think i do better with more direct questions because i suck at staying on topic/being concise when i have free reign. There's so many aspects of his character that I didn't get to here that I also love. But its so hard to think of them all. I hope this gives you an idea though?

[askbensolo]

Hi Ben 👋 hope you're doing well! As someone who has recently come out as aroace, I just wanted to point out that not liking people That Way doesn't preclude relationships. For me, that means that I would be comfortable and happy in a QPR, where my partner and I love each other platonically, share a living space and responsibilities, and spend a lot of our time together, even if we're not romantically or physically interested in each other. Of course, it's okay if your identity has shifted, too! The self is meant to be fluid.

That's a good point, anon. There is such a thing as really deep platonic relationships. Like my dad's brotherhood with Chewie. The bond between Luke and my mom as twins. Or, yeah, the friendship Fannie and I had for so many years, even though I'm a guy and she's a girl. Just because two people are really close doesn't necessitate that their relationship be romantic. I've always known that—in fact, I've had a hard time understanding why other people don't see it that way.

But then...what does make a relationship romantic? I've gone through checkboxes in my head, and it seems like almost every aspect of a romantic relationship could be part of a platonic one too (with, uh, perhaps a few exceptions). Is it just...vibes?

I mean...something about Fannie being a girl makes me feel differently towards her. I've figured that much out. At the risk of sounding like a sexist Hutt...I like that she's cute, and short, and nice, and I feel kind of protective over her, and I liked when she surprised me with dinner, and when she had my sandwich waiting when I came home—

WOW this is not sounding great right now. I freaking swear I am not a douchebag.

I mean...I also think it's cool that she's a Jedi, and could totally kick my butt. And I really value her sense of justice, and how she thinks deeply about the galaxy, and searches for hope and meaning. I don't think I know anyone as patient and humble as she is, which is, like, the total opposite of me...

And, I don't know, I guess she's kinda pretty, as far as girls go. I don't really look at 'em much. But her skin's a nice color. I like when her eyes get really big. And I like how she feels when I hug her. Like a soft pillow.

...That sounded like an insult but I promise it wasn't. Why I am so terrible at this?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure she's interested in me romantically. And...maybe...physically? Wait NOPE I am not emotionally prepared to think about that right now I am so totally packing that up in a box and yeeting it away for later we'll get there when we get there if we get there oh my FORCE that's like...that's like its own whole separate thing that I haven't even dreamed of thinking of beginning to get into.

Be right back. I need a minute.

...

...I have recomposed myself and folded my hands together in a calm and collected manner.

Anyway. You're right. It's normal for people to change in different ways, as they grow up and get older. At first, I felt like I was losing my grip on a crucial part of who I was...but...maybe it's just that who I am is changing a little. I mean...I've already changed a lot from who I used to be. Just look at my blog history. But I'm still me. A thousand changes couldn't make me not be me...and that's pretty comforting to know.

[thingsareswinging]

Nineteen and Afraid

Day One.

He slouches down next to her, opposite her brother, swallowing the creeping terror racing up his throat. After all these years, it’s almost nostalgic to be petrified of her again. The setting’s not the same, at least. No matter what goes down in the next few minutes, he’s not concerned for the integrity of his organs.

He feels awkward in his skin, full of an itching need to stand, to pace, to do something other than sit and breathe, loud and thick and stupid. He’s no good when it comes to a problem he’s not allowed to break.

So. What is he allowed to break here?

“So. I’m guessing this isn’t what you guys were hoping to discover?”

She unfurls instantly, turning to him and levelling a glower that lets him know he’ll be paying for that comment later, but that doesn’t bother him too much. He’s gotten pretty good at drawing her out of herself by now, and sometimes it takes a poke with a sharp stick.

She’s pissed off but she’s present again, so that’s okay. Zuko’s the problem now. Sokka loves the guy, he really does, but there’s nobody in the world that can match him for picking the wrong moment to say the wrong thing.

And between the three of them, the knowledge that Ursa forgot them on purpose hangs in the air like a very localised thunderhead. Nobody, not even Zuko, has worked up the nerve to go near that particular thought just yet. But it’s only a matter of time.

Now? Now Sokka knows an opportune moment for a tactical retreat when he sees one, and right now the airships are looming overhead and someone set the vanguard on fire. Call him a pessimist, which everyone was going to do anyway, but he didn’t see a single way this whole field trip was going to end well, even before spirit monsters started showing up.

Operation: run for the lifeboats is a go.

“Alright, it’s been wild, but I was thinking of getting out of here,” he says, as nonchalantly as if he somehow didn’t notice the way both the Drama Siblings were on the verge of furious tears. “Zuko, I’m sure you’ve got this under control. See you next time we’re passing, yeah?”

It’s Azula he’s looking at, though, and he doesn’t stand until she nods.

They’re almost to the door before Zuko pipes up.

“Azula… you’re really going to walk away? Leave her like this?” He sounds so small, so unsure, that for a second Sokka feels nothing but a sympathetic ache in his chest. But the small choke in Azula’s throat, the noise he’s almost sure Zuko doesn’t hear, takes his heart and crushes it.

“Honestly, Zuko?” she responds, in an almost passable drawl. “I think I am. You know why?” She turns on her heel, calm shattered, lips curled in a snarl- “Because she wants me to. Because she threw us away, because if she ever loved you, or me, it- it wasn’t good enough! She wanted us gone, Zuko. We upset her, just by existing. And if you want to undo all that hard work she did, if you want to impose yourself on our dear mother, our mother who never cared enough to remember our names-” she shudders, and Sokka almost dares to put a hand to her shoulder, but he can’t bear to interrupt- “then you do it alone, Zuko. I want no more part in this sad display.”

She spins on her heel, eyes screwed up tight, and sweeps from the room. “We’re leaving,” she declares, over her shoulder. “Do whatever you like.”

Sokka can barely breathe, choking on the atmosphere. He can only shoot Zuko a single, apologetic look before turning and trotting after her.

Yeah. This is going to take some smoothing over.

[nexyra]

James Ironwood, for character ask? 👀

Aaaa thank you so much for the ask ♡ More rambling incoming !! Sorry for the wait btw, I've been both pretty busy and tired ;;

If you hate James Ironwood and don't wanna hear one good thing about him tap out now please ღ

My fav ship(s) for the character

I am not a super big shipper when it comes to James, but there are still some I like more than others soo here goes :

I think Ironwitch is a pretty good one. It's not necessarily a ship I'd search content for but I think these two would work well together ! Glynda is stern and honest and a no-nonsense kind of woman. She has the strenght to stand up to James when he slips or gets too stubborn when faced with the high stakes. At the same time, we've been shown that she cares for him and she knows he's only trying to do what's best for people. She has faith in him but also the ability to stand at his side as an equal. She seems to be the more steadfast of Ozpin's circle : loyal, you know you can trust her, and she will not crumble. This is the kind of personnality that I think James both admire and feel safe with. And the other way around, I think James is a good match for Glynda too. On a day to day basis, he's serious enough to not annoy here, but he's also a softie in some aspects and that's a nice combination to smooth out Glynda's edges.

Ironqrow is a completely different dynamic. The "we're annoying each other" dynamic is not one I'm particularly interested in usually xD But these two certainly had strong & interesting moments so it's a pretty valid ship !! Despite how they might butt heads because of the difference in their upbringing they (prior to V8) clearly trusted each other with their life. Even if Qrow jokes about shooting himself if he had to be one of James' man, when everything goes to shit there is no doubt in his mind that James wasn't responsible. Similarly, while James talks of shooting Qrow for his misbehaviour, when push comes to shove and we meet a tired Ironwood, run ragged by the pressure he's under... the only thing he does is hug him and reiterates how glad he is to see him. So again, they clearly have a lot of faith and trust in the other, and that's solid ground for a relationship.

My least favorite ship(s) for the character

Same spiel as always, shipping kids and adults is a big no from me; so any ships between Ironwood and RWBYJNOR can qualify here. That said, among the less uncomfortable ones, here are those I don't really like

This one is again because I love their relationship but platonically only, I'm talking of Winter Soldier. The reading I like best is not that Ironwood is Winter's Jacques 2.0, nor that he groomed her; but that he was an important father figure in her life. Protective and caring, who tried to help her escape with what he knew. I don't see James recruiting Winter as a way to gain a strong ally. But rather that Winter wanted to detach herself from her family name, and make something worthwhile of herself all on her own. And that the military is what Ironwood knows and understand, so naturally it's a career he'd see as a good path. Just like Winter then proposed it to Weiss. I like to think they care about each other a LOT and they're their own tight family in between the lines, even if professionalism might throw a wrench into it. For short I love them together but not romantically please =)

I don't know if there's a ship name for this, but Salem x James Ironwood would be a big nope from me too... In general, let's just assume I ship Salem with nobody because abuse.

My fav & least fav platonic relationship(s) for the character

Fav platonic relationship would be (have been because we dont talk about V8?) with Winter. Fooor the reasons I've explained above I suppose x) I (again) love the trust they had in one another and the quiet support.

There was also his relationship with Oscar that I really liked during V7, although it has been soured a bit by the (valid) reading from some people that Ironwood sought out Ozpin a lot through Oscar, and given his identity issues it is not ground for a greatly healthy relationship. Their interactions were still very intersting though ♡ I consider Oscar to be the kid who went at trying to appease James' fear or make him reconsider his decisions the best way. There was true understanding and hope for a working relationship here. I do feel that Oscar put in more work than James however (emotionally) and I wish there had been pay-back instead of a gunshot.

For my least fav relationship ? Probably Robyn or Watts ? Robyn was always very antagonistic toward Ironwood since their priorities are so different. And I overall just don't really like her after V7 so there are very few relationships with her I'm interested in (the exception is her ship with Fiona I think it's cute). Meanwhile, Watts is just a petty asshole hell bent on ruining Ironwood because he didn't pick his project. I'm not very interested in hate relationships, and since theirs wasn't deeply explored anyway, it's even more the case here. Their fight was great though, one of my favorite RWBY fights !

My favorite thing about the character

Well this was completely proven wrong by V8 buuut as of V7 I liked that he was a deconstruction of the military general (dictator) trope. Sooo you can guess how i feel about V8 X) In general among RWBY, several of my fav are fav BECAUSE they look like one trope but also have key differences that from the get go make the character stray away from said trope. For example I'm not a fan of the princess tsundere archetype at all, but I loooved Weiss in V1 BECAUSE she was extra-willing to listen and change her mind, and you could very easily tell that it was her upbringing speaking more than herself in most occasions.

Similarly, I wasn't a big fan of Ironwood before V7. I didn't hate him you know and he wasn't lower than most characters in my Tier list but I also didn't particularly care. But you know what ? I've aaaalways had a really soft spot for the "angsty angry traumatized teen". And RWBY made the mistake of extending that soft spot to "tired adults trying their best" (only to repeatedly beat them up/make them villains after making me care about them but what can you do uh)

Soo in general, I loved that Ironwood was trying so hard. I loved that he was tired and in over his head but learning and listening and trying to do good and be better despite his fears. I liked that he told his entourage about Salem and was loyal. I liked that he cared about helping the people above his own image and the way people perceived him. I liked that you could tell this was a terrible situation all around, and his decisions WERE questionnable but we could SEE that he meant WELL and was genuinely trying so hard despite how scared and tired he was.

My biggest criticism for the character

Well this won't be a surprise but in general I just wished he had stayed a morally grey character we were allowed to feel for instead of a cartoon black villain. I didn't need James to be THE Hero or anything like this despite some accusations levelled at those who like him. Him becoming one of RWBY's antagonist is honestly fine by me ! It is interesting. But I'd have preferred they kept him ambiguous and trying in his own way. (And smart because V8 Ironwood was dumb af)

I can be a tad overprotective of his character since he's just... so despised, so I think that I have inadvertently distanced myself from any of his flaws... somehow like "people are already yelling all of them so I don't need to add to this shit show" you know ? skjfkd But I KNOW he has them and it would still have been good to develop his flaws, just... not like that

But yea I'd have liked it if V8 Ironwood DID diverge from RWBYJNORQ and became an antagonist but not an iredeemable villain. LIKE,, we redeemed Hazel and Emerald and IRONWOOD is where the writers draw the line by saying "nope this one is rotten" ?? What ?

When was their writing at the peak according to me (ex : best season)

V7 definitely ! Ironwood carried V7 so hard haha. His character was fleshed out and given nuance and made to struggle and evolve and I loved him in that volume.

A song I think fits them & why

Hunger • Monsters & Men Human • Rag'n'Bone Man Way down we go • Kaleo Beekeeper • Keaton Henson Thistle and weeds • Mumford and Sons Castle of Glass • Linkin Park It's all so incredibly loud • Glass Animals

A headcanon to make up about them

His metal parts impact his metabolism so Ironwood is terrible at holding his alcohool and very little manages to knock him out. He's a workaholic. His low tolerence for alcohool is a great tool whn friends need to put him to sleep.

His joints crack and hurt in the cold, his metal parts as well and they are an hassle in the sand. James like to keep his room temperature warmer than the average atlasian because of this, otherwise he has to spend 30 min every morning simply unwiding muscles to move around efficiently.

He's not a good singer but has a nice low voice for telling stories. If he had kids, he'd probably avoid lullabies but compensate with bedtimes stories.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

As always, I'm kind of reflecting along the way as I write this, and one thing I'm thinking right now is... Doesn't it take away from the atlas arc message ITSELF to just pile up so many "standard bad guy" stuff on Ironwood ? Like, I wanna ask... why do we hate him ? Is he an antagonist because he lets fear get the best of him ? Because he's a classist who doesn't care about Mantle like some fans argue ? Because he's too stubborn and wants to be THE hero ? Because he doesn't listen to others ? Because he abandonned Mantle ? Because he kills peopke left and right ? Because he wanted to bomb a city ? I think you might see where I'm going with this : his status as villain is kind of messy. V8 just kept piling-up flaws and villainous actions onto Ironwood with no concern for whether this was a lenght he would go to (using the certainty that he would go to any lenghts to enact his plans), ,or whether these were one of the initial flaws/failings that led to his "fall" as an antagonist. What lesson is Ironwood supposed to learn ? Personally the very first time I yelled at my screen "No ! Why would the writers choose that ?" is when Ironwood shot Oscar. When answering criticism against medias, many people tend to look at it only through the lense of "well it makes sense in universe" or as if there were no other ways for the story to devolve. But at the end of the way, everything in a story is a choice from the writer even if it is influenced by the characters' personnalities. If I took the scene where Ironwood shoots Oscar, someone might tell me "he's crippled by his PTSD, he COULD do this." Maybe, that's a reading I can somewhat understand at least. But the writers have the power to NOT put his character in such a position. When I saw the wreck that was V7 finale, I ranted to my bestfriend about it and at no point did i say "why did Ironwood do that", I said "why did the writers make him shoot Oscar, the only point narratively would be to make irredeemable" Aaaand that's what they went for and I obviously didn't care for it. So if I had to rewrite it; I would have kept Ironwood's "mistakes" more focused. If he's wrong because he wants to abandon Mantle, because he's (understandably) scared and doesn't want to take risks; then stay focused on that. It's what makes RWBY leave, and out of all his V8 actions that's really the only thing RWBY needed to tell the whole world he wasn't an ally anymore apparently. - Don't make him shoot Oscar point blank, instead Oscar can simply fall because he flinches away from Ironwood's outburst; and a distraught/guilty Ironwood can decide that he doesn't have the time or capacity to help because of the tense situation. (Killing and not saving someone don't hold the same moral weight at all). - Don't make him kill people left and right or bomb cities, maintain the flaw of Ironwood struggling with his PTSD and his fear and not being able to take risks. - Don't paint him as a black villain, and eventually write V8 in such a way that RWBYJNORQ show taking risks might lead to a bigger victory, which was the volume's theme anyway. For example, following Oscar's destruction of the whale, a growth can occur that would bring back together the two anti-Salem factions : Oscar's risk put Atlas out of harm's way, which leads to Ironwood seeing that maybe there WAS a way to save Mantle as well as Atlas despite Salem's presence and he might have jumped the gun too quickly because of his fears. I'm not sure, I haven't thought about this extensively honestly but I hope you see what I mean. I think it would have been more focused & more in-character to focus Ironwood's failings on his fear; and the fact that he cares for the people and the greater good sometimes at the cost of the individuals. The idea that by sacrificing individuals too much you forget the people you're fighting for in the first place, could have been interesting to dig deeper into. Keep to the idea that Ironwood is somewhat disensitized to the individuals suffering for the sake of the greater good, instead of making him just

callous & uncaring.

My guess for their MBTI/Enneagram

I think pre-V8 Ironwood was an unconventionnal ENFJ. Aka, the type of character no one would type ENFJ because they go by stereotypes and Fe stereotypes are just enneagram 2 everywhere (aka nice, kind, helpful) whereas Ironwood has an enneagram tritype very common among xxTJs so that's what he looks/behaves like, but the way he thinks (what's best for the people, ethical values derived from an Atlasian upbringing) align more with Fe cognitively I think I'm going with ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4

Starting from V8 though, Ironwood veered clearly into ENTJ territory (types aren't supposed to change but I wouldn't say RWBY is the most consistent media when it comes to characters' personnalities)

One aspect that I think would be nice to delve deeper into ?

I understand why they didn't care to, but it'd have been interesting to get a few backstory hints for Ironwood. How did he lose half his body ? How did Oz recruit him ? Or some pieces about his upbringing ?

[factual-fantasy]

21 asks, some old some new, all basically just heart warming compliments. ♡ඩᴗඩ♡

You’re welcome!! And thank you so much!! Something I always love to do with characters like this is give them some crazy depth. Give answers for things that the media they’re from never answers. I always work really hard to make it all fit together and really feel natural and I’m so happy you noticed! (இ﹏இ`｡)

I’ll be sure to. I’m still feeling really crummy mentally, but taking a break from my lovely community of fans certainly didn’t make me feel any better. XD

Pfff Kitty cat Pirate man XD

Well you’re sort of right. Captain Barnacles is my favorite character 100%, but the reason why I draw those two together so often is because the show has established that they are really good friends. 

Where ever the Captain is, Kwazii is usually nearby. Kwazii was the only one that knew about the Captains fear, Kwazii is the Octonauts lieutenant, which probably means that they spend a lot time around each other. They share a bed pod, they have had these little interactions that don’t happen with anyone else. Like fist bumps, shoulder pats etc.

They’re even used as an example of symbiosis in the crab and urchin episode! Now, you can interpret that how you’d like, but I believe the show is somewhat subtly trying to push the point that these two are best friends, like family even.

So when ever I draw Captain Barnacles, I always have an incentive to draw Kwazii with him. :}

Honestly by my headcannons, I feel like Kwazii would need it more than anyone else really. But yeah, the Captain could really use me a pick me up. XD

Dawww you’re welcome, I’m just glad everyone likes my art so much. ♡●ᴗ●♡

Th-Thank you!! That’s so sweet!! I’ll Be sure to keep making them!- Be sure to drop in some suggestions you guys so I know what ya’ll want to see!! :}

COMMERE YOU

(before I left for a break)

Well I may have needed more time to “relax”, but I just missed you guys too much lol.

Wow! That’s a lot of shows! I don’t recall really watching.. any of them.. any way uh- that aside, there are several shows I used to watch as a kid. Some weren’t meant for kids but were still funny to me.

For one, like I’m sure a lot of people did, I watched SpongeBob.

I also used to watch, of course, Octonauts. Although that was when I was a wee bit older.

I also used to watch The Three Stooges.. this one was for adults I think but it was still hilarious.

I also used to watch Beetle Baily, although this one was kind of like a once a year tradition type thing we did.

There may be one or two more but I don’t recall.. I mean, we did have one episode of speed racer that I watched over and over and over again. Or.. was it a movie? Heh, I uh, cant really recall.. 

(after my break announcement)

Thank you, turns out taking a break from Tumblr kind’a just made me miss the community. I felt really awful while I was gone but feel a little better after returning sooo.... guess I’m hangin around for a little while longer! :}

No I don’t ship anyone personally, although I can see how some of their dynamics could be seen like that.

Oh! No worries, that’s alright, and that thing is in the description as a heads up kind’a. If I tag my own art as ship or explicitly say it is okay to do so, then go for it. I just don't usually ship characters and don't want my art to be perceived incorrectly.. 

I have watched both Octonauts movies and season 1-3 on Netflix. When it comes to season 4, so far I haven't had much trouble just finding it on YouTube.

When it comes to watching season 4 in order, just go to the episode wiki, find the names in order and keep searching on YouTube until you’re sure you’re on the right episode. Pretty sure you can find basically all the Octonauts episode this way, go ahead and give it a shot! Hope it works!

To keep the fourth wall breaking to a minimum, what would my Transformer OCs think of Octonauts?

Suburban, A.T.Dragster, Green Truck, Escort, Vega, Red Van, Brown Suburban, Miata, AND Honda, most likely wouldn't really be interested and wouldn’t really have an opinion on the show, but they don't make fun of anyone who does watch it. No matter how old. Volvo specifically would respect the educational aspect of the show and most likely wouldn’t pick on anyone for watching it either.

U.M.Dragster would kind’a poke fun at the show and its imperfections. But low key is peeking around the corner wanting to know what the characters do next.

White Truck thinks it pretty cool and kind’a likes to watch it with others, but wont really go out of his way to watch it on his own.

Beluga would probably think its really cute, bet 10 bucks her favorite character is Kwazii.

Ranger would be hooked. She loves everything about Earths water and want’s to learn everything about it. Including the creatures that live in it. She would appreciate the show “dumbing everything down” for her, because she doesn’t know these basic things that kids know. Having everything “dumbed down” makes it easier for her to understand everything.

Jeepy’s driver used to make fun of me for watching it, but now he thinks it neat. So maybe he’d think its silly but eventually come around?

Bash Buggy cant see the screen-

But really Its cool though, he wouldn’t be all that interested in it even if he could watch it anyway.

Daww thank you! ♡●ᴗ●♡

Oh how cool! I never thought so many people grew up watching this too, I thought this show was really obscure! Glad I can share the nostalgia and joy with ya’ll through my art! :}

You mean the Vegimals? These little dudes?

I just haven’t had a good opportunity to draw them yet is all. 

Hmmmm.... let me think.. I feel like my Transformer OCs would mostly like certain aspects of seasonal things, not one season and all of its aesthetics as a whole.

Suburban, Red Van, Escort, Brown Suburban and Green Truck love the bonfire part of colder weather. The warm, bright and surrounded by loved ones aspect of it is what they enjoy. Especially Brown Suburban. He loves bonfires man. The more light and heat the better, that poor mech is freezing his aft off out there in that old manky dark shed all by himself. He just wants to be around his loved ones where its warm and bright.

Miata would probably like pumpkin spice lattes, and just that aspect of fall. Beluga and Honda however would be all over fall and all its traditions. They’d be all over every season really, always up to date with trends and having fun.

The Dragsters are all about summer and its aesthetics. Summer is the prime time for dragstrips and the weather they function most efficiently in so they’re all for it.   

Vega is more about fall. Sure its not really racing weather, but he does like all the pretty colors and the temperature is just right for him.

White Truck would like summer the most. He’d like the attire, the swimming, the warmth, all of it. He’d function a little on the edge I’d think though, he does have a bit of an overheating issue.. but still, I think summers for the win.

Ranger would like summer. Summer = more fish in the water. She loves to look at fish and be out in the water and just explore everything. Summer is when most of the fish are around so she’d really enjoy that. When it comes to seasonal outfits and food? Meh, waters cooler.

Volvo doesn't care for any weather or aesthetics honestly. But would prefer fall for its cooler temperatures. Having so many layers of armor is bound to make you overheat eventually.

Jeepy would like the fall and winter most of all, because of MUD. Going slipin, driftin and slidin with Bash is a real hoot, so he’d really like those seasons. He’s just built for them you know? Plus he’d kill a man for a glass of eggnog so he likes that aspect of cooler seasons too. :}

Bash Buggy likes summer and spring for the temperatures mostly. He also likes winter and fall, but because of the mud, he doesn’t like them for any other reason. Just the mud and goofing around with Jeepy. Everything else about those cold seasons are terrible, and he cant even see all the pretty colors and aesthetics so what does it matter? His body has no insulation anymore so the cold just eats him up, and he cant go outside in the snow because of his blindness and the cold. So he’s stuck shivering indoors while his friends go goof around in the snow without him. Colder seasons suck besides mud, the warmer ones are a win.

I don’t know, it just kind’a makes me uncomfortable. Not all artists are the same, not all artists like that.

It kind of feels like stealing to me in a way, I just don’t like it..

I want to, but I am completely halted by the knowledge that these comics don’t get much traction. They only get a handful of notes when I post them, which just makes them feel like a waste of time.

I’m weird about time. I don't like talking about my interests with others because I know I’m wasting their time and they don’t care anyway.

I am heavily discouraged to draw things online, not just because people steal, but because only a handful of people truly care and get excited about them.

And I mean, a handful of lovely followers, is a handful lovely followers. But you can see how a people pleaser like me would drift towards what people want me to draw instead of what I want to draw.

And when it comes to what people want me to draw? Besides those lovely few, people don’t want to see my comics.

[progamerton]

Thoughts on my portrayal

I've been meaning to get more active on this account as soon as I can scrounge up enough will to do so. But I wanted to explain my thought process as to why certain aspects are the way they are for the... 10(?) people who actually care lmao.

My Proton is heavily inspired by his appearance in the HGSS manga. Tbh I'm not a huge fan of PokeSpe, but when you've got such slim pickings with the in-game canon material, anything that can be taken into consideration should at least be at least looked at. I found the idea that he was Team Rocket's stoic, quiet, Computer Tech Guy a fresh take. As a result, I combined them -- Proton IS indeed their stoic, quiet Computer Tech / Social Media Guy, but he's ALSO a ruthless sadistic asshole, who's only quiet because he can't stand talking to other people.

When you look at his portrayal as a combination between the games and PokeSpe, things start to make a lot more sense. He is an incredibly capable, computer-savvy internet nerd, but he makes himself so unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) that he's got a weird amount of mystique about him. Girls in the organization tend to simp for him because, as sparse as he makes himself, he's still the most visible Executive in the organization, and he's got a pretty face to boot. They will usually try to prove how much they adore him by savagely targeting anything he deems stupid like the most toxic Stans in the history of anything. But ultimately, all of that is for naught. Proton is just too fucking misanthropic to ever give a damn about other people, and in truth, he probably hates his Stans the most out of anybody. But he accepts the chaos they wreak as the only "good" thing to come out of the situation.

Now about his accent: There's a fair amount of debate about whether or not Sinnoh should be treated as just another part of Japan, as was intended, or Russia. Tbh I go with the former hc more than the latter, but I decided to give Proton a Slavic-ish accent anyways because 1) It's kinda funny 2) Chicks dig guys with foreign accents 3) Proton can be obtuse on purpose and no one could be able to tell.

He does have genuine difficulties with speaking Japanese, but is generally much better at writing it. This is mostly because he talks a lot faster than he writes. When you're documenting a report or something, you can go slow or proofread it as you see fit. Talking doesn't work like that. He's personally the type of guy who would hate having a conversation with someone where they pause every 5 seconds and spend an eternity searching for the right word, so he made the conscious decision to sacrifice accuracy for speed with the assumption of, "Meh, they'll figure out what I really meant." (This also comes into play during internet / IM conversations where speed is more important.) Just call his ability Hustle I guess, lmao.

Despite his deep, pathological hatred for just about Everything in the world, Proton is super devoted to Team Rocket as a whole, and instills the same measure of respect into those serving directly under him. That's because he felt like Team Rocket was the first organization that really GOT him and appreciated him for who he was (a terrible, sadistic douchebag) instead of trying to change him for the "better". In fact, they promoted him for it. That's special to him, so his feelings in general about returning to a more "civilized" career fills him with dread. He'd quite literally fight for Team Rocket to the death if need-be.

Team Rocket also gave him his first, most significant friend in Petrel, who is the cool headed one in their red/blue dynamic. Despite that, you'll hear him constantly insult Petrel and downplay his importance, often calling him degrading stuff like "Rattata Man". In a very strange way, that could be considered a compliment from him, since he calls basically everyone (including himself) "maggots". Being a Rattata among maggots doesn't sound too bad, does it? In addition, he calls Giovanni p much exclusively "Boss". That's the most respect he'll ever show anyone tbh.

So it should be no surprise why Proton tends to hate Silver so much -- he respects Giovanni more than anyone in the world, and here comes this whiny little brat, mooching off of him. He knows now that Silver is SUPPOSED to be Giovanni's kid, but tbh he thinks it's a lie and considers Giovanni dumb as fuck for not seeing it for himself. In Proton's eyes, Giovanni and Silver look NOTHING alike. So don't expect him to show you any high regards if you're a Silver mun. He'll disrespect you in front of anyone -- including your own damn father, if need-be. No fear.

That's about all I have in terms of HCs for this guy. Please feel free to shoot me any questions about him if you have them.

[sesamestreep]

stack the deck with wild cards (chapter 2)

(read on AO3)

(start from the beginning)

SUMMARY: Jyn tries to tell Cassian about the pregnancy--and the abortion--but it’s more difficult than she thought it would be. And she was already pretty sure it was going to suck.

A/N: The next installment of the Obvious Child AU. Same warnings apply! See the AO3 links for more details! Discussions of pregnancy, abortion, and unsafe sex abound. Curate your own experience! I love you!

Jyn practically wears a hole in the floor of her apartment from pacing so much, but she does eventually find the courage to tap Cassian’s name on her phone and call him. It’s mid-afternoon on a weekday and she’s gotten precisely nothing done all day because she’s been fretting about this conversation. She tries to remind herself of Bodhi’s reassurances that Cassian will be cool about all of this, but in reality, the only thing that’s actually making her feel better is the thought of getting this part over with, so she can panic about every other aspect of this situation instead.

Cassian mercifully picks up on the second ring. “Hello?” He says, cautiously.

Somehow, despite the fact that she was very intentionally calling him on the telephone, actually hearing his voice still catches her off guard. It doesn’t help that Cassian has a really nice voice, something she’s allowed to notice without it being weird because she's an amateur musician and all. He tends to be pretty quiet in general, but he’s also been know to occasionally go off on a tangent about something he really cares about—some new thing a local politician is doing that he thinks is stupid, or one of the kids he works with doing something amazing with their life that he can’t wait to share—and Jyn somehow does not get bored of listening to him, like she normally would with anyone else who tries to talk to her about politics or children. She’s happy to blame that on the whole nice voice thing and to ignore the part of her brain that’s suggesting maybe she just likes him as a person.

“Hello?” Cassian asks again, sounding more confused this time.

“Cassian, hi,” Jyn says, finally snapping out of her reverie. “It’s Jyn.”

“Yeah, I saw the name on the screen,” he says, not unkindly, and she resists the urge to smack herself on the forehead like she’s in a cartoon.

“Sorry, I, uh, didn’t know if you’d have my number saved or not,” she says, glad he can’t see the way she’s grimacing at her own stupidity.

“Of course I do,” he replies, matter-of-factly. “What can I do for you? Is everything alright?”

Jyn panics at the question and she can’t keep the bristle out of her tone. “Why would something be wrong?”

“I just—I thought something might have happened to Bodhi,” he says, and his tone is hard to read. “You and I don’t normally talk on the phone much.”

We don’t talk much at all , Jyn thinks, petulantly, even though she’s the one who said she would call after they hooked up and then didn’t, so whose fault is it really? If she wanted them to talk more, she could have made that happen and she didn’t. And moreover, she supposes he probably would be her first call if something had happened to Bodhi. They live together after all and, beyond that, Cassian just seems like he’d be good in a crisis. She could imagine leaning on him—trusting him, that is—in a time of stress. Not now, obviously. But in a theoretical situation in an alternate universe where she hadn’t ruined whatever relationship they have or could have with her numerous issues, he’d be the guy to call, she thinks.

“Uh, no, I guess we don’t,” she admits. “Bodhi’s fine, though. So, no worries there.”

“Oh, good,” he replies, with obvious relief. “So, what do you need?”

It doesn’t sound dismissive, but she can’t see him and so she can’t be absolutely certain. Maybe he’s annoyed to hear from her after all this time. It would make sense, but the possibility of it still stings. She forces herself to push past it and keep going.

“I just wanted to tell you—” Jyn is cut off by some murmuring in the background of the call followed by some loud rustling, as if Cassian was blocking the phone’s mic. It only continues for a few seconds, before the sound on the line is clear again.

“Sorry about that, Jyn,” Cassian says, sincerely. “My co-worker needed to ask me something before our meeting and she didn’t realize I was on the phone.”

“Oh,” Jyn says, and that stops her short. She figured he was at work and that wasn’t really the ideal place for him to get this news, but she has no idea what kind of hours he works and she couldn’t bear to put it off any longer. But now, it seems like a terrible idea.

“Do you—I thought you had your own office,” she says, for all it’s a complete non-sequitur. She thought he’d at least be alone when she told him the news.

“Me?” He asks, as if she could mean anyone else. “No, it’s an open floor plan at the office. I just have a cubicle.”

“Oh,” she says again. The idea of breaking this news to Cassian when he’s in full view of his co-workers and won’t be able to process it in private suddenly feels so cruel to Jyn that she can’t even think what to say next.

“Is that a problem?”

“No, no. Not at all. I’m just—I always pictured you as having your own office. Not that I picture you—I don’t think about your work, that is. I just, when I called you, I was imagining an office, that’s all.”

“Right,” Cassian says, evenly. Jyn could sink into the floor, she’s so embarrassed. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Jyn’s brain is going into panic mode, which is the only explanation for why she blurts out what she does. “I just wanted to know if you were free for dinner,” she practically shouts.

“Dinner?”

“Yes, dinner,” she replies, cheerily, even as the reality of what’s she’s asked hits her like a freight train. That sounds like a date, you moron , her brain shouts at her.

“Me and you?”

Jyn closes her eyes against the embarrassment she feels, both at her suggestion and at his incredulity. “Yeah, me and you,” she answers, and with her eyes shut, she can allow herself to enjoy the idea of it, of getting dinner with him. Like they’re just normal people that like each other and everything is simple.

“When?”

“Is tonight too soon?”

“I don’t have any other plans,” he says and Jyn thinks he might sound nervous. It makes her feel incredible and terrible at the same time. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“Um, there’s this Thai place in my neighborhood that I really like,” she says, naming the first place she can think of. Besides, if she has to have this awful conversation over dinner, it might as well be at a place she likes. “If you like Thai food, that is.”

“Yeah. Yes. That sounds great.”

“I’ll send you the address. Could you meet me for 7 o’clock?”

“I’ll have to come directly from work, but if that’s okay with you, 7 is fine.”

“Totally okay with me,” she says, absently thinking of the sweater-and-a-button-up ensembles he normally wears to work and if that’s what he’ll wear to the restaurant tonight. She wonders if he’ll have the sleeves rolled up in the way she finds stupidly attractive for no discernible reason.

“Great,” he says, brightly and then clears his throat. “I’ll see you then.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Jyn replies, and then wishes she could take it back. She always likes seeing him, but under the circumstances, it sounds so cheery and fake.

Cassian, for his part, seems caught off-guard, but he recovers fairly quickly. “I am too.”

They eventually run out of pleasant almost-sign-offs and have to actually say goodbye and hang up, which leaves Jyn in her empty apartment to continue freaking out. Why had she put this conversation off even further? Obviously, telling him at work was not a great plan, but tricking him into thinking they’re going to have a nice dinner—maybe he even thinks she was asking him out on a date—is somehow worse. The only advantage to this new plan is that he’s very unlikely to cause a scene in a public place. Then again, Jyn has a hard time imagining Cassian causing a scene anywhere. He’s so calm and collected most of the time. That bodes well for how he’ll take her news, but she can’t really be sure.

After texting him the address for the restaurant, Jyn copes with the stress of her impending dinner by trying on literally every outfit she owns, in order to figure out what to wear. It can’t be too fancy or too sexy because she needs Cassian to know it’s not a date, but she also doesn’t want to look casual or frumpy, though she doesn’t examine her motives for wanting to look good for this awkward dinner too closely. By the end of this process, most of her clothing is in a pile on her bed that she will have to clear off later in order to go to sleep—a problem for future Jyn, as always—and she’s selected a pair of black overalls that seem to be the item with the least paint on them in her entire wardrobe to wear over a cropped sweater. It’s a cute outfit that doesn’t explicitly scream “DATE NIGHT” but also doesn’t make her feel hideous, which, for all her pregnancy isn’t far along, is a hard feeling to come by, thanks to the hormones.

She picks out shoes to match and even puts on some makeup and tries to get her bangs to look normal, which kills enough time that, if she walks to the restaurant instead of being lazy and taking a cab, she might actually beat Cassian there, even though he’s aggressively early to everything. After the obligatory search for wherever she left her keys—a daily ritual for her—she sets out for the restaurant feeling only a little queasy with what she assumes are nerves.

The restaurant is busy enough for a weekday evening but Jyn only has to wait a few minutes for a table. She warns the waiter she’s expecting someone and orders an iced tea while she waits. She bobs one knee up and down furiously underneath the table, anxious for Cassian to show up and secretly wishing he won’t so she can just go home and pretend none of this is really happening. Though she tries not to, she still watches the door like a hawk, practically jumping out of her seat every time someone walks through the main entrance.

Cassian shows up at 7:02 PM, leaving Jyn very little time to freak out alone, for all it felt like an eternity. She’s watching as he comes through the door and speaks to the hostess, so she sees him run a hand through his hair in what she assumes is a nervous gesture and her throat goes very dry, both at how attractive he is and at the idea of fucking up his night like she’s about to. It’s just then that the hostess points in her direction and Cassian’s gaze lands on her, which means Jyn gets to watch as his polite but guarded look melts into something more familiar and affectionate and relieved. He’s relieved to see her , she thinks, incredulously, even as she waves at him. Did he think she would stand him up? Did he think he imagined their entire phone call?

“Hi,” he says, a little breathlessly, as he reaches the table.

Jyn stands abruptly from her seat, for lack of anything better to do and leans into him at the same moment he leans towards her. She has a brief moment of panic where she thinks he might kiss her—not that a kiss from him would be a bad thing, generally speaking, but she would feel guilty under the circumstances—and so she swerves gracelessly to the left. Her mouth collides with the side of his face as he wraps an arm around her in a loose hug and she realizes, belatedly, that she completely misjudged what he was going for. She doesn’t allow herself to linger in the embrace, even if she kind of wants to, and pulls back quickly, before she can get used to the warm weight of his hand on her back.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he says, when she’s dropped back into her seat and he’s busied himself with removing his jacket and scarf.

Jyn resists the urge to laugh at that, knowing he’s being completely earnest. He was two minutes late, that’s nothing, she wants to say, but she waves off his apology without a word.

“Did you have any trouble finding the place?” She asks, instead.

“No, not at all,” he says, as he sits across from her. “The train was just delayed.”

“As always.”

He smiles at that, leaning forward on his elbows on the table, and it makes Jyn wistful for the version of tonight where they are just out to dinner for fun. In that version, the only thing she has to be nervous about is if they’ll go home together at the end of the night. In reality, she knows there’s no chance of that happening, but some part of her longs for it. She wishes she’d called him two months ago, back when things were simple—or, at least, simpler—and asked him to this same restaurant. It could have been nice, feeling these nerves for all the good reasons instead of why she has them now.

“So, I was—”

“Have you—?”

They both speak at the same time and Cassian’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs, which is so unfairly cute that Jyn can’t even laugh in return at their shared mishap.

“You go,” he says.

“I, uh—” Jyn starts to say, but she’s interrupted by the waiter returning with her drink and asking if he can get Cassian anything.

“Just water, thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Jyn asks before she can stop herself. She doesn’t know why she thinks adding alcohol to this situation will help, but she also thinks he might want to drink once he hears her news. “It’s my treat.”

Cassian looks puzzled by this, but his features clear after a second. “I’m good, really,” he says, before turning back to the waiter. “Thank you.”

The waiter hurries off, leaving them alone again. Cassian opens his menu and begins scanning through the first section, before looking up at her with obvious concern.

“Do you already know what you’re getting?” He asks.

“Oh,” Jyn says, flattening her palm on her unopened menu. “Yes, but just because I always get the same thing here. Their pad see ew is really good.”

Cassian nods, as if this is fascinating information to him. “I’m going to have to read through the menu, unfortunately,” he says, apologetically.

She makes an exaggerated hand gesture that is meant to bat his apology away but in truth conveys absolutely nothing. “Take your time,” she says, to clarify.

Cassian reading his menu gives Jyn some time to regroup and also to note that he is, in fact, wearing a navy blue cable knit sweater over what looks to be a light blue button-up. The sleeves aren’t rolled up to his elbows, which is disappointing, but she assumes that’s because it’s freezing outside. He’s also biting his lip as he concentrates on reading, which is simultaneously very cute and completely hot. She realizes she’s been staring at him intently half a second after Cassian does.

“What’s the matter?” He asks, looking embarrassed.

“No, it’s—nothing!”

“I should be making conversation, shouldn’t I?”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Jyn says, hurriedly. It’s not like she can just tell him she was staring because he’s stupidly handsome. “I just got lost in thought for a second.”

“Do you come here often?” He asks, completely sincerely and Jyn laughs before she can stop herself.

“Sorry,” she says, when she’s regained her self-control. “That’s just such a line. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but—”

Before she can finish her sentence or Cassian can defend himself like he clearly wants to, something lands at their feet with a thump and a rattle. Cassian leans down to retrieve it and returns with one of those baby toys with different bits that all make different noises or have different textures. It’s done up entirely in bright primary colors and seems to have a smiling puppy’s head at the very top. A screech from the table behind them alerts Jyn to the item’s true owner.

Cassian twists in his chair to offer the toy back to a chunky toddler with a mop of riotous curls who’s sitting in a high chair at the next table over. “I take it this is yours,” he says, very seriously to the baby, who squawks delightedly at the sight of the toy.

The child’s mother, sitting with an older child on the other side of the table, gives Cassian a grateful smile. “Can you say ‘thank you?’” She asks in a pleasant voice. The baby just gurgles in response, leaving the woman to thank Cassian herself.

Cassian turns back to Jyn with an amused smile on his face that honestly overwhelms her. It’s rare to see him smile without a hint of self-deprecation or irony to it. If she put her mind to it, she could probably count the number of genuine smiles like that she’s seen on one hand. He’s almost always pulling them back, reining them in, for whatever reason.

“Anyway,” he says, turning his full attention back to her. “You were making fun of me for using a generic line on you.”

“I wasn’t,” Jyn says, and can’t help smiling herself. “I knew that’s not what you meant. You were really just asking if I come here often.”

“Yes, I was.”

“I do, to answer your question. It’s my favorite place for takeout, when I’m too lazy to cook, which is almost always.”

“You don’t eat in? With this ambience?” He asks, gesturing around the place.

“Hey, don’t judge their decor,” she fires back, more defensive than she would have expected herself to be. There are a million string lights everywhere, and the walls are painted a very aggressive shade of red, and the owners decorate to the nines for every single holiday, which means there’s hearts and lace and chubby Cupids wielding arrows everywhere for Valentine’s Day. “It’s fun.”

“Very,” Cassian agrees, with one of his small cryptic smiles. It makes Jyn remember with sudden clarity how fun it was to kiss him, to feel that smile against her lips.

She shakes herself out of it, focusing on the present. “I suppose your favorite restaurant is very chic and minimalist with its decor,” she says.

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” he replies, giving the matter some consideration. “Honestly, I don’t go out for dinner a lot. I prefer to cook at home.”

“Well, I’ve been to your apartment,” she says, trying not to feel inadequate by comparison. “It’s pretty chic.”

It doesn’t occur to her what she’s said until after the words are out of her mouth. She obviously just meant that she’s been over to visit Bodhi before, but when Cassian gives her a surprised look in response, she realizes she has also unwittingly brought to mind the time they hooked up. It’s not an artful segue by any means, but she does need to get this over with and stop pretending they can just sit here and have a nice meal together, like normal people.

“Actually, that reminds me,” she begins, bracing herself for how much this is going to suck, “there’s something I wanted to tell you—”

Their neighbor at the next table chooses that perfect moment to toss their horrible mutated puppy toy at Jyn’s feet again and it breaks her concentration. Cassian, who’d been watching her and listening intently a second beforehand, spots the toy on the ground and leans to pick it up again before Jyn can even think to react. Instead of just turning around and handing it over again, he actually gets up and goes over to the baby this time, crouching in front of the high chair.

“You know, if you keep throwing this around, you might lose it,” he says, very solemnly, to the child. “Somebody might kick it into the kitchen. My friend over there might accidentally take it home with her.” The baby swivels around to look at Jyn and smiles at her with drooly gums that do nothing to make her want a child of her own. She smiles weakly in response.

“Anything could happen,” Cassian continues, drawing the baby’s attention back to him. “I don’t want you to lose it. Your mother doesn’t want you to lose it. You don’t want to lose it.” He’s saying all of this with that faux-serious tone people adopt with children, as if they’re grown-ups who understand what’s going on but also with a slight sing-song lilt to it. “So, no more throwing, okay?”

The baby shrieks and reaches for the toy, which Cassian pulls just slightly out of reach, delighting the child further.

“Do we have an agreement?” He asks, holding out his hand, as if the child is a small businessman he’s making a deal with. The baby smacks a drool-soaked palm against Cassian’s in response, which makes him smile. “Very good.”

As he stands up, the child’s mother says something quietly to him, which Cassian waves off nonchalantly. He turns and drops back into his seat across from Jyn as if nothing has happened.

“Sorry about that,” he says. “You were saying…”

Jyn’s throat feels completely dry and speaking feels beyond her abilities at the moment, so she reaches for her drink before she replies. “You have a way with kids, huh?” She says, gesturing to their friends at the next table.

“Oh, that?” He asks, shrugging it off. “I guess so. I helped a lot with my sister when she was that age. My grandmother tells me I was so obsessed with babies that my parents had another kid just so I’d stop bugging them about it.”

“Huh,” Jyn says, trying to sound noncommittal while she’s panicking internally. God, of course he loves kids. Why would this be easy?

Cassian, however, is oblivious to her distress, looking back over his shoulder at the family at the next table. “I’m really excited to have a bunch of little ones running around soon,” he says, out of nowhere, and Jyn’s stomach turns over.

She’s standing before she can even form a thought. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she knows she can’t stay here. The sudden movement draws Cassian’s attention back to her and he looks up at her in alarm.

“Jyn, are you okay?”

“I, uh,” she says, struggling for a lie that will get her out of there fast enough. “I think I left the oven on at my place, actually. So I have to go, right now.”

“Oh,” Cassian says, looking concerned and maybe even a little disappointed. “Well, I can go with you, or walk you out, if you—” He goes to put his coat on and Jyn throws her arm out to stop him, which just alarms him further.

“No need,” she says, half-frantic. She fishes her wallet out of her coat pocket and takes a few bills out, flinging them at the table in her urgency. “For my drink.”

“Oh, there’s no—”

“I’ll, uh—I’ll call you,” Jyn says, already rushing for the door. It doesn’t occur to her until she’s halfway to her apartment that she said the exact same thing the last time she ran out on him too.

[traumatized-motherfuckers]

CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

.............................................................................................................................

Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

 Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

[blackhatclubblog]

Top Ten Shows with #s in the titles

Because there are many ways to divide dramas, and this is one. XD The K2 Oh, yes, let's start with the one that should have been so much cooler. What should have been the core of the story: is it possible for a good, if terribly broken (kudos to the show for portraying PTSD), man to save a bad, and equally broken, woman with the power of his friendship? Unfortunately, they thought a ridiculous lot of action, a few good actors, and the potential for awesome could save an 11th hour gutting of the best parts of the drama in favor of an absolutely idiotic (and entirely inappropriate) loveline with a actress who could not hold her own against the other leads. It did not work. I will say the action scenes are still fun and the OST is one I still enjoy, though. Right along with the glorious speculation on what could have been. XD 7th Grade Civil Servant ...'k, and this was a DNF. It was a stupid, slapstick spy comedy that even fans of such (of which I am not one) did not enjoy. I was hoping, because it had Joo Won in, but...no. I could barely make it through the beginning. Two Weeks Okay, I liked this one. It is a drama not really for children or the undiscerning...but a good story in multiple ways. It’s one of those incredible redemption stories that I adored but that which is slightly harder to recommend to everyone indiscriminately. Basically, the MC made a terrible choice in attempting to protect someone he loved, and his life was destroyed. When the story starts, he is in a very bad place, and the story doesn't shy away from the depths to which he has sunk. When his ex-girlfriend finds him and tells him that she actually had the baby he demanded she abort, and that baby is now a young girl dying of leukemia who needs him donate stem cells...his life takes a different turn. Watching him fight step by step to believe that he can change, that he can become the person those he loves need so desperately, and come to a full understanding of what exactly he has done in the past...it's incredible. {There is a scene where he ends up helping a stranger deliver her baby, and the moment it truly hits him what he almost forced his girlfriend to do and that he might never have met his daughter if his girlfriend had followed through...gah.} This ^ scene, sure, might lose a few points for why is a man on the run from the police and the bad guys helping a random lady deliver a baby of all things? and is this too on the nose in forcing him to make up for not supporting his own family when he should have done so? But it all depends on how you feel about symbolism. XD Also, I just discovered, doing my usual fruitless search for a good MV of Two Weeks, that Japan has also done a version, which stars Miura Haruma. Which A) brb, watching that now, and B) that leads directly into: 5 Minutes to Tomorrow A man enters the twisting reality of a highly concerning pair of twin sisters...which one died and which one came home as his wife?  This also counts as a DNF, I guess, because I have tried to watch this movie 2-3 times and fallen asleep promptly every time, which is not a great recommendation for any kind of murder mystery. To be fair, the Chinese or Japanese movies I have watched have been few and far between. All of the latter, however have been the fault of the following drama: Bloody Monday 1-2 This is totally cheating and I really don't care. There are rare Korean or Japanese shows with seasons, so I'm utilizing that unique aspect. XD Anyway, it's been a while since I watched it, but I highlight it for 2 reasons: Miura Haruma and Sato Takeru.   Okay, just kidding. But I keep checking out and then dropping Japanese films and shows in hopes of one or the other of these two will be in another show as brilliantly addicting as this one. So far, Sato Takeru is the only one who has managed it. What made Bloody Monday so good? Plotting, pacing, characters. It is a j-drama/dorama, so be warned that compared to the k-dramas I tend to watch it is a little more graphic in terms of language, death, clothing choices, subject matter...but if you're looking for a fight-the-terrorist-save-the-world story utilizing a genius hacker and his best friends and a brilliantly charismatic villain..this is it. The villain subconsciously inspired a decent amount of my Contract to Time Travel character Ja-Il - his intelligence, his charisma, his relationship with his siblings...but one of the main reasons I love it is that the MC is so resoundingly true. When it comes down to saving his country or betraying his principles, what choice will he make? Tactically he may be stupid, but he's still practically a child, and the strength of his convictions matters to me. Also, I loved that season 2 did not pick up with everyone the same. It showed how people were hurt, how people were changed, how people grew up, from season 1. It hurt, but it felt real. Queen for Seven Days Speaking of watching new dramas because of who is in them...Park Min Young SLAYS in every drama I've seen her in (including rom com, which I DO NOT EVEN WATCH but which I have watched for her and pretty much died laughing over)...and Yeon Woo Jin (who...now that I think about it...I have watched a rom-com with him in it too...yikes...this is not me...) Maybe I'm an idiot for wanting to ruin the two rom-coms I've enjoyed in my life by seeing two of their leads in a tragedy, but...I have heard nothing but high praise for every aspect of this drama except the trailers, and once I get past my current stack of tragic historical dramas, I'm definitely going to watch this one. Five Fingers This one is on hold...to be honest, I only ever wanted to watch it because of the opening sequence of piano music, which I watched. All I know is it's about pseudo-brothers and revenge and pianos? And there's a fire in there somewhere? Which sounds like a fun combination, but I'm not sure as a story that has enough weight to pull me completely in. I might do better with my time to just learn some piano music for myself.... 38 Task Force Okay, for something not a revenge tragedy...this weirdly named show is for fans of Leverage and Seo In Guk. The relationships weren't quite so well done as I'd hoped, and the cons (which then became the point of it all) were minimally memorable. I remember one of them involved the main conman giving a speech at a fancy place...and another involved him coming up with a car out of thin air...and another had something to do with antiques and throwing money everywhere. So. I remember enjoying it enough to watch it...but not much else. Rating: Eh. School 2013 Aw...one more drama that is neither tragedy nor romance. It's a school drama about guilt, honesty, dreams, the impact of adult role models on troubled children, and a David-Jonathan friendship that went horribly wrong. As such it is a lot less weighty than most of the others on this list...yet while you're watching it you forget that the only thing at stake is the friendship of some high school boys and possibly their futures. Which I think is something Korean dramas sometimes excel at - is the tragic destruction of a friendship going to destroy the world? No, but when you're in the situation it might feel like it is, and the drama manages to pull you in so that you feel what they're feeling. Six Flying Dragons Sooooo....back to tragedies....*cough* Caveat: I have not yet finished this. But just the first few episodes plunged me into the founding of a nation and the creation of a man - I love how Korean dramas are not afraid to spend the time setting up the world and showing you exactly what choices were made to make someone the person they became. And maybe it’s a bloody mess of history but it’s tragic and fascinating and even if largely fictionalized there is so much to learn from history, let alone about story-telling. I’m looking forward to watching this one as a whole.   What is your favorite drama or movie with a number in the title? Which of the above have you watched? XD

[aire101]

Ferrum Chapter 4

Hey y'all, got this chapter out a bit sooner than the last one!

For those who read the light novels of SAO this chapter will be kinda familiar, for those who have only watched the anime, this is the town where Kirito ran to after leaving Klein in Episode 1, and the quest where he got his Anneal Blade we see in the series.

Also, while I make no promises that it will make it into the story, I am open to suggestions on what kind of adventures or shenanigans you would like to see the boys get up to in SAO. As I've mentioned previously I don't really intend to get the boys mixed up too much in the main canon, so if there's an aspect of the SAO world in general you'd like to see explored outside of the main battles and Kirito's storyline I'm open to considering it. I'm also ok with interactions with known characters, just trying to avoid writing the whole Kirito centric Aincrad arc.

--------------

Activate-Vertical slash-hold

“Switch!”

1-2

“Switch!”

Defend-rage spike, upward strike—

“SWITCH!”

Peter fell back again, the post motion-delay that set in for a measly few seconds was nevertheless a highly vulnerable moment that he and Mr. Stark had figured out a work around for early on in their trek. The boars from Day 1 had been easy one hit kills, so they hadn’t noticed the system forced post-motion cool down period until they had been fighting on the road the next day. Their tag-team approach served them well, and best that Peter could tell from when they came upon other players in the wild, most of the rest had come to the same conclusion that they had. Because of that, it was unusual these days to find someone soloing in the pvp areas by choice.

Mr. Stark switched in with a strong horizontal slash, bringing the Little Nepenthe's HP down to zero.

“You know, I was never one for plants anyway, but after this quest I swear to god I will never put a single point into the gardening skill,” said Mr. Stark as he sheathed his sword.

“I’ve told you, green stuff is sadness and disappointment solidified,” replied Peter, following suit.

“I still expect you to eat your greens, kid.”

“It’s a tragedy, I tell you. Here we are, trapped in a fantasy game and every meal is still served with vegetables.”

“Yeah, that’s the real tragedy here.”

“I want my money back.”

“You weren’t even the one who bought the game. But either way, I’ll buy you every Playstation, X-Box, and Nintendo game ever in existence when we get back if you just never touch a full dive ever again,” said Mr. Stark, laughing.

And there’s Peter’s daily reminder that he still hadn’t informed Mr. Stark of the horrific truth of his situation.

“I think it’s time to call it a night, Underoos.”

“Is this quest even worth it? We’ve been out here for like three days weeding these things out. The drop rate on this thing is atrocious,” moaned Peter.

“From what our source says, this quest has one of the best weapons you can find on this floor as it’s reward. And while I’ve been funneling as many points as possible into weapon creation, its not quite where it needs to be to match that yet, so better to start with a good blade and just do the enhancement myself. Also, don’t think I didn’t notice that terrible pun, you should be ashamed.”

“Hey, there’s no shame in my pun game.”

Mr. Stark gave a deep sigh/groan before he turned and started walking back towards the direction of Horunka Village. He probably had rolled his eyes too, but it was impossible to tell through the helmet he always wore.

Night had long since fallen over Aincrad, and it had been dark in the forest even before that. Pale blue light slit through the trees overhead, lighting the path, but otherwise they made their way by memory and intuition. A breeze stirred up leaves from the ground, and Peter shivered slightly from the cool night air.

“Do you think its going to snow here in the winter?” asked Peter.

“If we’re all still here in the winter—which all signs point to yes— I think it will. We can see from the thunderstorm last week it has a functioning variable weather simulator. I wasn’t a part of that programing team obviously, so I don’t know for certain just how far that variable goes, but I would think the primary associated weather variations like rain, snow and heat waves will be included. It might also vary by floor. Probably won’t know the answer to that until we get a few floors opened up,” answered Mr. Stark.

“Huh… something to look forward to I guess,” said Peter.

“Why? You don’t get enough snow in Queens?” Mr. Stark said with a joking tone.

“Yeah, but you know in the real world I kinda have to be careful with the cold. My body temperature runs a bit cooler than the average, so unless I’m in the suit I try to keep exposure to a minimum. In here I can probably spend all day in it with out any trouble,” said Peter.

“I didn’t know that, actually,” said Mr. Stark, this time far more seriously. “You haven’t mentioned it, and I hadn’t thought about that at all.”

“Oh. Well, that built in heater and temperature regulator in the suit pretty much took care of the problem. It’s just something I have to keep in mind,” said Peter, awkwardly trying to cover his slip up. Obviously that had been a conversation they had some time after Mr. Stark’s last memory.

It had been almost two weeks since they had been locked in this game, and Peter was still no where close to figuring out how Mr Stark was even here. And he was equally no where closer to telling Mr. Stark the truth about the events in the real world— Thanos and the Infinity Stones, Mrs. Stark and Morgan, Mr. Stark’s death and Peter’s own—

“Anyway, we should definitely make a day of it once it does. I don’t know about you, but its been years since I built a snowman and I kinda want to change that,” said Peter, quickly diverting his thoughts.

“Sure, might as well. Not like we’re going anywhere fast in here. Though if you start singing Frozen songs I might reconsider.”

“You know, they’ve written out your entire life story in news articles and magazines, but they always leave out how much of a killjoy you are.”

“Whatever, kid. I’m the life of the party.”

“A retirement party, maybe.”

Mr. Stark threw the finger back over his shoulder at Peter and kept walking.

Peter was just just about to follow suit when out of the corner of his eye, the sight of polygons coalescing into a hazy form caught his attention.

It was obviously another Little Nepenthe, but above the typical hellish roots and vines and the bizarre, speckled pitcher plant topped with its gaping fanged mouth, was a large, blood red bloom.

Petter inhaled sharply, the sound causing Mr. Stark to spin around as well.

This was it. This is what they were looking for.

Before the creature could attack and he could second guess himself, Peter drew his sword and leapt in with a swift Horizontal Strike at the plant’s weak spot— the joint between the stalk and the pitcher.

The strike hit true, and before the evil hell plant got even a single chance to spew its corrosive liquids, it dissolved back into broken polygons, leaving behind nothing but the delicate flower holding the Ovule they had searched for.

“Whoa! You actually got one!”

Mr. Stark and Peter both spun around, swords raised. Behind them stood another player no older than Peter, with his arms now raised in a sign of surrender.

“Sorry! I was using my hide skill in here. It doesn’t really work on the Little Nepenthes, but it helps avoid other confrontations,” said the player.

Despite what they said, Peter took a good look around, searching for others. The timing and the seeming lack of a party giving good reason for concern. PKers lurking around valuable drop spots to attack and rob unsuspecting players of their loot wasn’t an uncommon thing in PvP games, and unfortunately not even a full two weeks in, SAO was no exception. In any other game, they may simply be considered griefers. But here, to the best of their knowledge it was nothing short of murder.

“Where’s the rest of your party?” asked Mr. Stark, not lowering his blade.

“Eh, I don’t really have one,” said the guy sheepishly

“Forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe,” said Mr. Stark. “Kid, do you see anyone else? Or are they hidden as well?”

“Look, there’s really no one else, its just me. People in here don’t really like my type,” said the guy, with a sad note in his voice.

“Oh…” said Mr. Stark, voice now tinged more compassion than aggression. “You’re a beta tester, aren’t you kid?”

The guy flinched, but nodded. “Please, I promise I’m just doing some light grinding in the area. There’s no one else, and I already have the quest item.”

Mr. Stark didn’t sheath his sword, but he gave a nod and backed away.

“Alright, good luck then,” he said.

The other player nodded in return, turned and walked back into the woods.

“Pocket the ovule quick and keep an eye out. Don’t sheath your sword until we get back into town,” said Mr. Stark before he began running back in the direction of Horunka village.

Peter slipped the item into his inventory and easily kept pace with the other man. After a few minutes of running, Peter finally spoke up, “Do you think he was telling the truth? Pretty surprising he freely admitted to that. For all he knows we could have been Beta Killers.”

“If we had killed someone our player cursors would still be orange. It is unusual though. He must have figured it was worth the risk to try and get us to back off,” said Mr. Stark. “Poor kid, as if being stuck in this game wasn’t bad enough, having to hide a beta status from other players…”

Just as Mr. Stark had expected that first day, it didn’t take long before the terrified and angry masses started looking for someone to blame. And with Kayaba disappearing into the digital ether, apparently the scapegoats they chose were the 700 or so beta testers who had logged in with the rest that day. According to most pub talk, the beta testers had left the rest of the players in the dust of the Town of Beginnings, getting through the most lucrative quests and hunts before most even dared to leave the city. They were condemned as selfish and greedy, and were therefore persona non-gratis in most parties. Even worse were the stories of betas being outright murdered and monster PK’d. Out of the almost 1000 players who were already dead about two weeks in, around 150 had been beta testers. A staggering amount given how few of them there had been. Plenty had undoubtedly met their end due to the game itself, but many had ended up victims of angry mobs.

Peter didn’t understand it. Yeah, the beta testers had more info and experience than the rest, but they had shared much of that info on the internet before the game even began. Then after a few days in game, vendor markets began carrying a free SAO Guide booklet created by someone called ‘The Rat’, who had clearly made and circulated the original file Ned had uploaded to the Nervegear. Almost anything you could want to know was available. It was how they had learned of this quest in the first place.

“Hey Ferrum, why do people have to suck so bad?” asked Peter, mostly rhetorically.

“If I had the answer to that, I wouldn’t have been a weapons manufacturer.”

After a few minutes of running they finally crossed over into the town Safe Zone. Horunka was a small village, with only about ten buildings in all. One of which was the house of the NPC who gave the quest, and their current destination.

As they walked down the road towards the house, several parties milled about, clearly having just returned from their own hunts. A couple eyed the two of them as they walked through.

“Looks like someone finally managed to snag an ovule. Lucky bastards…” someone muttered.

“Who actually wears a helmet in this game?” said another.

“Yikes, imagine being stuck in here with your dad…”

Overhearing that last line caused Peter’s face to flush, which given its digital nature was just plain unfair. Did they have to be that thorough?

No bigger than the town was, they were soon standing in the living area of the house. The lady of the house whom they had met previously still stood stirring a pot of simmering liquid, her expression drawn and tired. The only thing that about her that gave her away as an NPC rather than a player was the exclamation mark hovering above her head in the place of a player cursor, indicating a quest in progress.

“Go on, kid,” said Mr. Stark, staying by the door.

Peter slowly approached. Even knowing that the woman was an NPC, it still felt rude to just barge into the house without invitation. He brought up is inventory and took out the ovule, handing it out to her to take.

Immediately her face brightened, and Peter couldn’t help but wonder just how developed the NPC AIs were. Were they simple rudimentary ones like most games? Or were they more like Mr. Stark’s AIs? Was she aware of what she was?

“Oh, thank you so much, kind swordsman! My daughter has only grown worse since we last spoke, I was beginning to worry she may not make it till your return,” she said, taking the ovule from my hand and adding it to the pot.

I saw my quest log update to the left of my view, but I was distracted by the sound of deep coughs coming from further in the house.

“Here, this blade has been passed down in my family for generations, but I gladly trade it in exchange for your aid saving my child’s life. Take it with my blessing,” said the lady, pulling a blade encased in a worn red sheath from an old trunk. With both hands she extended it out to me to take, a smile still on her lips, tears of gratitude sparkling in her eyes.

“Thank you,” said Peter, perhaps unnecessarily, but old habits die hard.

The lady nodded in response and went back to stirring the pot in the kitchen. The quest was complete.

In the center of his field of vision, Peter received a message declaring as much, along with one noting the EXP points gained.

“Alright, let’s head back to the inn and get some grub and call it a night,” said Mr. Stark, holding the door open for him.

Behind them the lady did not acknowledge them at all, but began carefully ladling the contents of the pot into a cup. Peter wondered if somewhere inside there really was a little NPC girl the lady tended to day in and day out, forever trying to alleviate an illness she was created to suffer through.

As Peter walked through the doorway out into the night, he thought back to Aunt May. Back to when he always seemed to catch whatever bug was going around at the time. She may not be the best cook, but one thing she had down pat was chicken noodle soup. She would stand over a pot in the kitchen just like the NPC had, cooking up a big batch that he could easily heat up through out the day when he felt up to eating. Their finances being what they were, she and Ben could not always get out of work so easily, if at all. They did their best to schedule their work so one could be there with him, but sometimes the overlap just wasn’t quite there. Fortunately, a little old lady all the apartment kids called Nana lived a couple doors down from them and was usually content to be on call for kids who needed it.

He wondered what Aunt May was doing right now. Was she sitting beside his hospital bed, holding his hand, but he couldn’t feel it? Were they literally in the same room with each other, but worlds apart? Would she talk to him like she used to when she thought he was sleeping, hoping against everything that he could somehow hear her? What would she say? They had only just started finding their new normal when this happened…

He looked down at this hands, but all he could feel was the weight of the sword he still held.

Tears came, unbidden and unwanted.

If that bastard was going to lock them in this prison, the least he could have done was not code in visual emotion effects.

“Awww… look at the little boy crying,” mocked one of the players outside the inn as they passed.

“Don’t be an asshole, Derrig. You cried for two days straight when this shit started,” said one of his party members, while slapping the offender on the back of the head.

“You ok, Peter?” asked Mr. Stark quietly. “I would offer to go beat the shit out of that guy, but not sure if its worth a duel.”

“No, don’t do that. I’m alright,” said Peter. “Let’s just get up to the room.”

“You go on up, I’ll order some dinner to be delivered,” said Mr. Stark.

Peter nodded. They pretty much always ate in a room so that Mr. Stark could remove his helmet. Occasionally Peter wished they could eat with the other players, just to visit with someone else for a change. This wasn’t one of those nights.

Once in their room, Peter quickly removed most of his gear, leaving only his breaches and his tunic. The sword he placed on the table.

Apparently the sword was called ‘Anneal Blade.’

Peter fell back into a chair, letting his head roll back, closing his eyes.

In the real world, he would undoubtedly be able to hear every conversation going on in the rooms around them, as well as whatever hubbub was going on in the main room downstairs. But in here there was naught but silence. It had taken him a bit to get used to not hearing literally everything going on around him. He hadn’t realized just how much noise he was used to constantly filtering through in his day to day life until it was completely removed. He had thought he would love not having to deal with his extra sensitive senses, but come to find out it was pretty anxiety inducing to have them taken away, like an extended bout of sensory deprivation.

If only he had never put on that Nervegear. If he had told Ned that maybe they should wait until the next round of production of SAO to get into the game, let them get the bugs worked out.

Except…

The door opened, and in came Mr. Stark and two plates of whatever today’s special was downstairs.

“They were pretty busy down there, so I just brought it up myself. Figured I’d listen in on a pub talk a minute and see if any news has been circulating,” Mr. Stark said, setting down the plates.

“Did you hear anything interesting?” asked Peter.

“Not much. But one group did mention that there were some rumors floating around about a Log-Out point in a forest west of the Town of Beginnings. No one going in has come out alive though, and the Rat has been trying to get word out that the information is false and didn’t come from her,” said Mr. Stark, sitting in the chair opposite.

“Ugh, that sucks,” said Peter. “What’s the point in starting a rumor like that anyway?”

“Some people get their kicks in screwed up ways, kid. It’s as simple as that.”

The lapsed into silence as they ate their meal. But eventually Peter noticed Mr. Stark looking up at him.

“What?” asked Peter.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Peter swallowed and shook his head, “Not much to talk about. Was just thinking about Aunt May.”

Mr. Stark nodded, “I’m not going to say she’s doing fine, because we both know that’s probably a lie. But I will say that she’s a strong woman, and I know as soon as we get out of here she will be right there waiting for you with some awful attempt at baked food and the world’s longest hug.”

Peter gave a laugh as tears began to spring up again.

“You’re definitely right. Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Look kid,” said Mr. Stark with a sigh. “I know you enjoy watching me squirm, but I would really appreciate it if you would switch to just ‘Tony.’ For one thing, there’s millions of Tonys in the world, but with the right info out there the name ‘Mr. Stark’ might become a bit suspicious eventually. We’ve just been calling me by my user name outside of our room, and that’s worked out alright, but eventually you might slip. And given my track record on secret identities, we should probably do everything possible to avoid scrutiny as long as possible.”

“Dude, you never had a secret identity. As soon as Iron Man became a thing you outed yourself on live television,” said Peter with a caustic tone.

“Whatever, my point still stands,” said Mr. Stark, waving off Peter’s remark.

“Does it though?”

“Yes, please, please start calling me Tony.”

“It really bugs you, doesn’t it?” asked Peter with a laugh. “Why?”

Honestly, when he asked he had expected Mr. Stark to blow off the question and change the subject. Because in the real world— back before the Decimation— every time they’d had this conversation and he had asked, that was ultimately what Mr. Stark did.

This time however, a tense silence met his question.

“Growing up, Howard was always ‘Mr. Stark.’”

There was a pause, as if he was unsure whether to continue, or how.

“Pretty much everyone on earth calls me ‘Mr. Stark.’ And that’s who they see— billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, wanna-be hero, narcissist, hedonist. That’s by design. It’s what everyone expected from me—being my father’s son— and I rose to the occasion. There’s only a handful of people who have gotten past ‘Mr. Stark’ and made it to ‘Tony.’ At this point, I’d like to think you’re one of them who has.”

Peter sat in quiet shock. Then slowly his heart filled up to the brim with something warm and sad, until he felt he could have burst.

There were a million things he felt, and only a few he could say. But only one he felt needed to be said right then.

“Ok… Tony. But I don’t want to hear you call yourself a wanna-be hero again. Because you are a hero. To everyone… but especially me.”

Tony didn’t reply for a moment, but eventually settled on a nod.

“Alright, deal,” Tony finally said, turning back to his food.

The got a few more bites in before Tony spoke again.

“I’m thinking of skipping on meals for a while. I’m kinda curious how long it takes to actually start feeling hungry in here.”

Peter looked at him confused, “What do you mean? You haven’t been hungry? Like at all?”

Tony blinked at him, “No, you mean you have?”

“Uh, yeah… several times a day usually.”

“Huh… maybe its because of your real world metabolism bleeding through. But no, haven’t felt it at all yet. Seems like a waste of Cor for me to buy meals if I haven’t actually been hungry,” said Tony, finishing up the last bite of his roast. “Not to say that its a wasted experience. They did a pretty remarkable job on this coding. But it would probably be better to save what money we can for now.”

Peter nodded, turning back to his own plate, but could only bring himself to push the food around a little, his stomach suddenly a bit queasy. Perhaps Tony was right, and it was just because of his RL body needs…

He’d talk to a few other players about their experience. Just to be sure.

“So, ‘Anneal Blade,’ huh?” said Tony, looking over the sword still laying on the table. He brought up its specs to analyze.

“Yeah, not exactly sure what the name is about. I mean, I know about the annealing process in biochemistry. I studied it a bit after the spider bite. But not sure how that would really apply to a sword,” said Peter.

“It was originally a process to remove impurities and harden iron for weapons. That’s where scientists originally pulled the term from that they used for the DNA process,” said Tony offhand, still reading through the sword’s numbers and looking it over in his hands. “The sword is as good as the guide implied. It should definitely hold up for you for a good while. Especially once I can start enhancements on it. Looks like we can attempt up to eight.”

“Does that mean we need to put a blacksmith’s forge on the shortlist?” asked Peter.

“Nah, I still have a few levels before we need to worry about that. Still, like I said, it is probably a good idea to start pinching pennies where we can. Jesus, I haven’t had to save money since that time my old man cut me off for a while back in college. This sucks.”

“Welcome to how the other 99.9% live,” said Peter, not an ounce of sympathy in his voice.

Tony shrugged, “Karma is definitely a bitch.”

“This isn’t karma. You’re just a spoiled brat.”

Tony stuck out his tongue, just like the mature adult he was.

Peter laughed, “Exactly. I’m calling it a night. We good to head out in the morning?”

“Yup, heading west from here to grind a bit on some of the higher level forest mobs. We’ll see where we end up after that.”

Peter nodded. Where ever they went and whatever they faced, they would do it together. They’d make it through this.

Even without his spider powers and Tony’s money, they were still Spider-man and Iron Man. Kayaba couldn’t take that away from them.

[panickypeachboy]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME.

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

TAGGED BY:  @sternenteile, #1 Geno fan. TAGGING:  Do it.

MY MUSE IS:  canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ Nope. Most people just call ZPiW the game with anime girls wielding guns. Outside of me, not much fanart is produced of the peach boy, as it’s well, mostly the girls. Miiverse revealed that the ratio is a bit more even but still, peeps really like them girl designs (designed by a female artist) ]

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ i mean ?? i’ve met and seen many people who have/had crushes on geno so ??????? but i don’t think it’s like. that. ghfskjhgsg??? ]

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ Personally, I have to say yes. Momotaro is strong as frick because in game, you’re supposed to level towns to “clean them up”. And this is in addition to the traditional Momotaro folktale that, a Momotaro is a strong child who can lift. However, most just look to Snow White as the strongest cuz she dented metal bare handed...and well is the “face” of the game.]

are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ This game is better known for having girls...with guns. But I wouldn’t say he’s really *that* underrated, considering the basic character is just that...basic. ]

were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. [ Well, my theory is that he just stumbled upon the fight between survivors and zombies so...kind of yes? Momotaro was one to actually gather folks to storm the castle as they say, because it seems before hand the other heroes were just minding their own business. So, being the one who talks the most (ironically) and the one that the game follows...yeah he’s relevant.]

were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ Sadly so, in the sense that I wished the devs would’ve allowed for branching plots depending on which character you choose. This is including the fact that the game is purposely trying to emulate how old-school games were bare bones in characterizations and plot.]

are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ Just another folklore hero in the world of Wonderland...a place chock FULL of fairy tales and folktales. Though he might’ve garnered a reputation of being destructive after ZPiW... ]

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / neutral. [ ]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?  —  Ehhhh...I think I make do with what I got from the teeny breadcrumbs of canon I got...however, many folks commented that Momotaro looks WAAAAAAY tougher than what I make him out to be so...I guess that’s a fail for following canon strictly on my part. .w.;; If I truly went 1:1, things may be bland...or not...I mean there’s as many subversions to the traditional heroes as there are well, the typical shounen stuff.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.  —  Is Momotaro an OC at this point? Probably. But hey, if you guys want a lad who’s adorable but tough...you could look elsewhere...or you can find that in Momo! I wanted to try to represent some stuff of special needs, but I’m still working out the kinks...but the kid’s loyal, and a very good cook at that! He definitely needs a confidence booster, but could that be part of his charm? Maybe. But hey, I think y’all might really like the idea I got for him, and mainly Smash! Like, have you ever wondered what goes on in that mansion? ...well yes, but what about those who aren’t fighters? Or even assist trophies! That’s where the smash verse comes in! Take a peek into the (tough) lives of Waddle Dees and the peach boy, along with other creatures not suitable for Smash! They’re just as handy for making sure the place is well run and fed! If someone isn’t cleaning and cooking to maintain 70+ fighters, and 20+ assist trophies...who is?

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).  —  This is a character from a game whose designers may appreciate the female figure a bit too much. I always have a tough time recommending this game to others, and hell, I’m terrible at playing it myself. Hell, the fact that most of the characters are minors is just a...”why do you design them like this Bo.mi” thing. Most do seem to think highly of those designs though, as that’s the main aspect of the game I keep hearing in my searches. Now, I’ve received a good amount of concerns over the years that Momotaro not speaking proper English is either racist or babyish...or both. Is my take too depressing? There are often times I think yes, and feel unbelievable shame over it despite others going hard on the angst train.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?  —  Well uh, I believe I was charmed by his rugged but baby appearance in the game..and it just so happen at the time that I was part of a budding rp group. Despite the theme being mostly “OUENDAN”, that was the start of me shoving Momotaro into every fuckin’ thing because he’s cute as shit and obscure muses can be fun too! It was also probably relaxing for me because gosh dang back then I was scared of getting something wrong about someone canon with more lore...and I am still scared about that to this day.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?  —  Studying about Japanese culture, learning the language...the fact that I’ve been rping him for almost 10 years (read like 8-9 at this point)...I do wonder if I should stop rping him...and then I keep hearing that people only want characters only in as fighters, fighters are the only important thing about smash and that grows my weird spite and just continue this “backstage” plot of Smash. Yes, getting a franchise in as a fighter is a VERY high commemoration but, I think it’s just as equally amazing when a franchise gets in as an assist trophy or even a spirit/trophy! So yeah it’s petty and I better find some other motivation soon because it’s exhausting.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?  yes / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ Ahaha....I’m starting to give up on that idea at this point, as several noted that Momotaro isn’t as timid in canon as I write him. But I do try to keep those boneheaded traits of the peach boy in my portrayal. ]

do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [ It’s a must for Momotaro, whose game is a tribute to how the old timey arcade games didn’t have much to their plots. Otherwise, I would think that playing him would end up pretty dry..whether I play him closer to canon or not. ]

do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ ...I should write more. ]

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO [ Stupidly yes. Been playing him for 8 years so it’s a hard habit to break. ]

are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ I mean, if I wasn’t confident enough I would’ve dropped him...though I have thought about that several times. There be times where I run into some sort of writer’s block due to his meek (and traumatized) nature, and because of how he speaks, it’s scary. Am I pushing his issues too much...? Or just HIM in general...? ]

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. [ Again, writer block happens when some muses don’t click, or personally I don’t want to interact with someone. And then when I do want to write with someone, I fear that my simpler (children’s book) ways of writing would be a turn off. I don’t want to end up babbling too long that there’s too much detail but I shudder at seeing single lines in response to long prose. ]

are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / sorta. [ Yeaaaah i get stressed and cry at lot at confrontation and just...anxiety in general. Been trying to keep that off the dash though, as I’m sure peeps got their own troubles already. DMs are good to have y’all. ]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?  —  I do my best to take crits when I get them but sometimes it just haunts me because I have mixed feelings on being told that the way he speaks is racist or childish.  But hey, if you got more advice on how to write trauma and special needs, I’m all ears! Particularly because I’m writing from my own experience in my life and research. ...Dad isn’t that superb at speaking English and that's where I got the Momo speak.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  —  Yes please...but at this point I kinda have sadly accepted that’s just gonna be rare because he’s obscure.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  —  as my take on Momotaro is very meek, I’d like to see how one would take  on a more confident/more canon true take on him. But that’s a pipe dream. Coruse the only headcanon I will never take (that I fear the fandom will have due to perverted nature) is that he’s just a fuckin harem protag wanting to get into pants. To that I say: NO. In canon he doesn’t give a fuck about the fact his teammates are girls...or even acknowledges that they're girls. It’s the time to survive, not boogie on beds...or at a tree.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?  — I anticipate that wholly because again, I have gotten comments that my take on Momotaro has not properly prepared them to witness the sheer destruction and toughness that is canontaro. Honestly I’d be hyped to see more takes...except for the harem route ones. Am I gonna jinx myself for saying it that much?

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?  —  I probably would be sad but understanding...I mean it’s not the first time that someone has taken deep offense at Momo and me, mainly in the rp sense. I would hope they would at least go find something that makes them happy.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  —  Yep yep. Or well stealth editing too, that helps.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   —  Ehhhh....maybe...? I mean most think I’m chill but, I’m a ball of anxiety at times. But, I am also one who reaches out because, gosh dang...a lot of peeps are nervous beans and that’s okay. So...it’s a sort of, yeah.

[razorblade180]

Lasting Embers part 29: The Gift

The long awaited day is finally here; the day nobody wanted to come. The famous and secret heroes of Remnant finally close the distance to venture off to a threat bigger than any of them. Friends and family by their side not ready to say goodbye but have to nonetheless. All but one that is.....a young and broken girl who still sits against her door; not moving once through the entire night.

[Jaune’s house]

Yujin:......*looks at her window*

Sunlight breaking through the blinds...

Yujin:(It’s morning huh? Have I really been sitting here the entire night? Wonder what time it is? Maybe it’s already past ten and they’re gone.) *looks around* (where’s my scroll?)

She keeps swiveling her head to spot it until it’s painfully clear she has to stand up to look. Blood eventually flows back into her legs and she’s able to move. High and low she search’s for it until she spots it under the door crack.

Yujin:All that searching and it was right next to me. *opens door* I guess I really am slip-......

Yujin:*picks up a small box wrapped in white, yellow, and blue.*.......(Mom did say was leaving the gift here didn’t she? It feels light; maybe it’s a-......why should I care? Why...do I care?)

Her finger rubs the thin paper; surprisingly, it looks like it came from a professional. One thing is for sure, Yang spared no expense when it came to effort. It irritated her slightly to know that. The box was held and admired for a solid five minutes by now. Maybe it would’ve been less time but deciding if she should open it was difficult. What she was holding just might be the last thing she ever gets from her mother. No matter what it is or how she feels it was a truth she had to accept.

Yujin:(It might not be my birthday anymore but still....*undoing paper* it’s only right to open a gift.) Hmm?

Yujin:*lifts up a scroll and a journal*.........(no way they’re school supplies.) *open it*

“Hey Yujin it’s me your mother, but I guess that’s pretty obvious isn’t it? Sorry, writing was never my strongest skill set in school so this might get a little clumsy so to speak. If you’re reading this then I just want to say thank you; taking the time to look at this means the world to me. I also want to apologize for being a terrible mother....."

Yujin:.....

“No matter how I slice it, some of the words you said was true about me. Going off to fight these villains instead of trying to defend you while staying close does not sound or look good. Knowing Summer, she would’ve attempted to at least make it work. Unfortunately I’m not her; the only way I know how to protect you is like this. Fighting along side our family and friends; yeah I’m including Adam in that. Honestly I see some of grit in you and it’s pretty damn awesome. I see so much of everybody who’s got to raise you throughout the years when we interact. Jaune’s will, Mom’s poise, Dad’s heart, and even aspects from Ren and Nora. The only person I don’t really see is me; it stings if I’m being truthful. All you wanted was to get to know me and I’ve robbed you of that. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

Her heart nearly stopped as she turned the page. The left side was more of the message written to her. The right side on the other hand wasn’t a message at all; it was a table of contents. Birthdays, first fights, training, vacations, adventures, it was everything. In just under a week Yang Xiao Long had written about what seemed to be every major and memorable thing in her life. The story of her mother was currently in her hands.

“I know it’s no replacement for a face to face conversation but in this journal I’ve written numerous things about myself so you can know who I am. On the scroll you’ll fine videos of the events in the book; it’s named and put into chronological order thanks to your Aunt. You deserve to see me at my best and worst moments of my life; to know I’m not as glamorous as anybody might make me out to be. Learning about me though isn’t the only thing I wanted to share with you finally. Yujin I want to be able to push you forward in life; be a mother and help figure problems that might come you way. We didn’t get to do much together but if we did anything it was fight. The final chapters was everything I noticed in each one. Not only that but I’ve made a list of possible ways for your Semblance to be used. I hope it’s useful somehow.

Sure enough the list was there and detailed. The back of the book was filled with experimental new tricks that Yujin wouldn’t have began to dream off. Each one carfully described and some drawn for reference.

“I know it never seemed like I was there for you, but I’ve always been in your corner to cheer you on. Despite how you feel about me and whatever happens to me out there, know my love for you will never die. You’ll always be my little ember dragon.”

Yujin:....*starts searching through the scroll* First Day At Beacon? *hits play*

Yang:Yo this is Yang Xiao Long, future huntress extraordinaire. Making this little vlog on the airship because my dad is corny and wants memories. Not all bad though because *flips camera*

Ruby:*hides face* Don’t record me! I

Yang:My baby sister gets to join me! Isn’t she the cutest?

Yujin:(They look so young. I wonder if....) *fast forwards*

Yang:So that air ride could’ve gone better. Some guy ended up getting vomit on my shoe. He’s lucky it wasn’t my hair.

Yujin:(Yep...)

Ruby:Give him a break. Not like he wanted to do it.

Yang:Defending strangers huh? A model huntress already, or is puberty finally hitting you?

Ruby:Puberty has been here thank you very much! He is pretty cute though when his face didn’t look green.

Yang:Eh, not really my type. *video ends*

A small smile creeps onto her face that immediately changes to shock as she continues to searchl. Maybe it was out of instinct but her finger immediately kept scrolling until found it on the day of her birth. The file was named “Sundrop” The video opens with a very tired Jaune holding the camera and pointing it at an even more tired Yang.

Jaune:*whispering* Here we are at Vale General Hospital. It’s very late and we’re both very tired but it doesn’t matter. What matters is the little sundrop my amazing wife is holding.

Yang:*snickering* Sundrop? Not sure how I feel about that.

Jaune:It only makes sense the sunshine in my life gave birth to a smaller sunshine.

Yang:*cuddling her* As far as I’m concerned she shines brighter than me already. Just look at her, I can’t believe I’ve made something so perfect. From here on out it’s all about her from now on; forever and always. *smiles softly*

Yujin:.....*eyes watering*

Jaune:Uh oh, it’s been thirty minutes and Yang has officially lost her mind over this baby.

Yang:Our baby, and it’s been nine months and thirty minutes thank you very much. *kisses it’s forehead* Your daddy is acting like he’s not head over heels for you Yujin. Don’t worry though, as soon as he turns the camera off he’s gonna want to hold you and cry.

Jaune:Possibly.....*video ends*

Yujin:*wipes her eyes*(There’s......so much here. Six days and it’s so detailed. If this is about her life then what’s the last vid-)

“Homecoming”

Yujin:This date is....*presses play*

Ruby is recording her sister as she anxiously bounces her leg on the train ride home. You can tell het smile is filled with happiness and worry.

Ruby:Hello future me or whoever is watching this. You’re currently watching my big sister silently losing her mind as we finally head home from a.....I think eleven years of fighting evil. She’s so worked up that I don’t think she notices that the train seats are heating up and people are staring.

Yang:I’m what? *red* oh, sorry everyone! My bad.....

Ruby:*laughing* Please calm down. It would be a shame if you died of a heart attack before we made it home.

Yang:How can I be calm!? In a few more hours I’ll have Yujin in my arms again.

Ruby:You know she’s not four anymore right?

Yang:I know that, I can still hug her. Hehe I wonder how big she’s gotten, if she’s made friends, *gasp!* maybe even a boyfriend!?

Ruby:Calm down there dork. You’ll see her soon.

Yang:Hopefully she’ll recognize me; hopefully I recognize her. My four year old is fifteen today. *tearing up* God it’s been such a long time. Soon things will be calm; finally I can spend the rest of my life with her. She’s probably absolutely stunning by now. *smiles*

Ruby:Geez you’re about to smother Yujin, I can already tell. Hopefully she’s not in an angsty teen phase.

Yang:Even if she is I’m still gonna smother her! Things are looking up! *video ends*

She didn’t bother to play another video after that. Instead she decided to just stare at the screen as the journal in her hand got gripped tightly. Soon after, the screen became blurry to her; tears kept finding new ways to sneak their way out of her. This time though it was different than the rest. Anger, frustration, and sadness was what kept her down before; now it was the feeling that bothered her all week. For seven days and seven nights she’s done nothing but push out someone who’s been desperately trying to reach her just like how she wanted to reach out to them. The only difference is Yang never stopped trying to reach out for her. Yujin knew exactly what this feeling was and it was about to eat her alive. Guilt and Regret we’re going to ruin any memory she has of her mother, unless......

Yujin:*looks at the scroll*

“8:45 am”

Yujin:*rushing down stairs* Please tell me took grandpa’s car. Please tell me- *looks in garage*

Sure enough, her car was there and ready for use.

Yujin:*wipes her face* Okay..... I can do this.....

[Train Station]

Vale’s train station is one of the remaining architectural works that survived The Fall of Beacon. From here it’s the jumping off point to the rest of Remnant. This feeling is echoed by the fact that even though it’s called a station, there isn’t a real building. A massive slap of concrete with a umbrellas for shade is mostly what is here besides the ticket punchers with their small booths. It’s old fashioned but it works; people come and go from here often. Unfortunately Yang and Ruby didn’t think they’d be here so soon again; at least it’s a beautiful day out. Warm weather and a gentle breeze that blows through the rolling hills behind the rails gives off a sense ease.

Yang:Ruby can I tell you something?

Ruby:You can tell me anything.

Yang:This just might be the worse day of my entire life.

Ruby:Definitely top ten.

Yang:At least I have you though.

Ruby:Always....*grabs her hand*

Raven:You haven’t always had me but I’m definitely here for you! *smiles*

Yang:*snorts* Never doubted it for a moment. I wonder if everyone is still going to show up?

Weiss:What, you think we would “snowflake?”

Yang:Weiss get seri- oh hey you’re here. Wait, did you just make a pun!?

Neo:*walks up* She’s been waiting to say that for a week.

Ruby:Oh hey! I didn’t think you were gonna decide to come.

Neo:Nah I’m not coming; I’m not leaving the Arcs like that. They have good food; I’m just here to see Weiss off. *grabs her hand*

Weiss:*blushing*.......

Ruby and Yang:!!??

Weiss:It’s been an interesting week.

Ruby and Yang:I’ll say....

Tai:*looks at Jaune*......

Jaune:In my defense it wasn’t my idea. Also what were you and Raven doing for a week?

Tai:I can’t tell if you’re more like me or if Yang is more like me. Either way I guess I shouldn’t complain. I’m glad you’ve been someone they could always depend on. I couldn’t ask for a better son-in-law.

Jaune: That means a lot; think they’ll be okay.

Tai:Are you kidding? No one stops our family as long as they’re together.

Adam:Believe me, challenging them alone is a struggle in its own right.

Everyone:Turns to see Adam clothes similar to his days robbing trains. The only difference is the flower symbol is missing and a cloak is over it. His eyes are hidden by shades and even his hair is dyed black. The rest of the family, along with Ilia, and Blake walk behind him.

Yang:Okay so I have two major questions. One, why dye the hair when it’s already long and laid down.

Adam:Just in case.

Yang:Second, I learned you have my sister’s number for years. Why exactly?

Adam:*pulls out cross necklace* rose’s recognize other rose’s

Yang:*looks at Ruby*

Ruby:*holding a cross necklace* It’s a story for another time; maybe on the train ride sis.

Yang:I literally can’t with you all.

Jael:She’s not what I quite expected. What do you think Sien-

Sienna:Uh..excuse me? M...Mrs. Xiao Long?

Yang:Hmm? Well hello there, need something?

Sienna:*ears down* I’m not sure if you remember me but we’ve met before. You actually helped save my life when I was six. I bit your hand?

Yang:......*rubs her ears* Of course I remember you silly. How’ve you been? You’ve grown like a weed. *smiles*

Sienna:*wide eyed* Good! I’ve been really good! You may know or not but I have a sister now. *steps aside*

Jael:.....

Yang:Hey there *crouches* I’ve heard a bit about you. Adam makes cute kids I see.

Jael:Th...thanks. I’ve heard much about you; also your daughter.

There was a sort of coldness in her voice that everyone felt. Her absence was noticeably missed and it took Yang by surprise for her to mention it. Jael didn’t look worried though; she looked eager. Almost like she’s got an itch that desperately needs to be scratch.

Yang:Unfortunately she’s not here. Things for her are rough with all this going on.

Jael:She didn’t want to see you off?

............

Yang:*frowns* No, she didn’t.

Jael:Oh, sorry to hear that. Excuse me but I need a moment. *quickly walks off*

Jacquelyn:uhhh I’m just gonna...yeah. *follows her*

As Jael walks away Tenzen and company pass by her. No glances were exchanged but there wasn’t a need for any.

Tenzen:*stops walking*.......*turns around*

Ren:Everything okay?

Tenzen:Yeah.....just got a chill or something. I didn’t like it. *continues walking*

Jacquelyn:Hey Jael are you-

Jael:She doesn’t even show up to see her family off, is obviously angry with her mom about it, gotten our family roped into it by accident or not. I’m beginning to think I don’t have to actually meet this person before I form my opinion like you guys want.

Jacquelyn:......You hate her don’t you? Even after what your father told you.

Jael:He’s leaving to help protect me but I’m not dumb enough to believe not a piece of it is for her. Just thinking about how someone so loved and blessed with opportunity can be so....so.... *clenches her chest* yeah, I hate her.

Jacquelyn:*slightly opens up her kimono* look at this for me.

Jael:*staring at a scar below her ribs* A scar? How long have you had that?

Jacquelyn:Years, your father gave it to me on accident.

Jael:Wh....what? Why would he.....I thought.... he loves you.

Jacquelyn:Yeah, but you gotta remember the dad you see wasn’t how he used to be. A long time ago hate ruled his life. One time when our Oasis was still being built people came and destroyed everything. They didn’t know who we were, just low lives causing pain. Any time we relocated either grimm got the better of the place or them. We were tired and hungry; him especially. So when they came back again your father was ready to kill them despite my wishes.

Jael:You wouldn’t let him fight?

Jacquelyn:It was a delicate time for him. I was afraid any back pedaling would ruin any progress already made. There were times I fought them but more and more kept coming. Eventually Adam finally lashed out and it did actually scare them away; it wasn’t enough for him though. While one was running away Adam sent a moonslice at him; I jumped in front of it....

Jael:You what!?

Jacquelyn:I wasn’t thinking. All I knew was I was scared of this one incident turning into something worse. That night is still a bit of a blur; I remember an intense pain and then just laying on the sand bleeding. When I woke your father was over right over me crying. It might’ve been the first time I saw him scared and genuinely apologetic. He promised me that night things were going to be different; he’d try harder to do the right thing.

Jael:.......*looks away*

Jacquelyn:Hate and anger are dangerous. You might just get you or someone you care about hurt if it goes unchecked. You have the disadvantage of it most likely being both. Hating this girl is fine for now but don’t let it linger. Let it fade away with time. *holds her close*

Jael:Did dad’s hate fade away?

Jacquelyn:Sort of; he stopped focusing on the hate left by his past and found a way to fill it with love. Sienna eased his mind but I think you really filled it with the love he needed to have. *smiles* You saved him, not me.

Jael:.....I’m gonna just stand here for a moment okay? I’ll come back over when the train arrives.

Jacquelyn:Take the time you need. *kisses her cheek and leaves*

Adam:She okay?

Jacquelyn:Yeah, just processing everything. Sorry about that Yang.

Yang:It’s no problem. I should be the one apologizing; can’t help but feel like it’s my fault a bit. If I knew about her sooner then-

Adam:Geez, apologizing to me feels weird. Just watch my back when things get heavy. *smirks* I’ll watch your arm.

Everyone:.........

Yang:......*rubs nose*

Adam:........*smacks lips*

Both of them end up in a fit of laughter suddenly. To everyone’s surprise they even fist bump and causes everyone else to slowly begin to laugh as well. To any stranger you would think everyone here were old friends since birth. Only they would know the truth about the effort it took to get there. Even Jael admired the sight.

Jael:(Is this what happens when hate heals? If dad could do it then there’s hope for me. I just need time right?)

“9:45 train to north western Anima arrived. 10:00 train to Vacou will arrive soon.”

Ren:Well...that’s me. Time to get healed.

Mercury:We’ll miss you guys.

Emerald:Don’t you dare get lazy out there. We want to meet up with all of you.

Nora:Hopefully we’ll be done before you guys are. Don’t rush your healing for me ok?

Ren:As long as you don’t rush so I don’t have to join. *kisses her* Tenzen?

Tenzen:Yeah?

Ren:Be ready for me to out dance you when I get back. *winks*

Tenzen:*smiles* I accept your challenge! I’ll show the student has surpassed the teacher.

The unlikely trio gets on the train as they wave goodbye. Even with a nice goodbye however, hearts start to get heavy. No turning back now.

Nora:You okay Tenzen?

Tenzen:I’m okay *takes a breath* being here hurts more than I thought to see him go.

“10:00 train to Vacou arrived”

Tenzen:Now I gotta watch you.

Blake:Already!? It’s ahead of schedule.

Nora:*hugs him tightly* No matter what happens, never lose that smile of yours. Light up people’s world and live happily.

Tenzen:Bright and sudden like a lightning bolt; I promise.

Adam:Neo, you’re second in command. I know you and Ilia can handle things.

Weiss:Hey, you got that promotion you wanted.

Neo:By default but I’ll take it. You leave the organization in good hands.

Ilia:I’ll watch her....

Blake:Same....

Frost family:*stares at him*

Adam:*opens his arms* Don’t just stand there you three.

Frost family:*hugs him* Be safe, we love you.

Tai:Will you miss me this time?

Raven:I missed you last time. *kisses him* Don’t worry, I’ll be back in your arms before you know it.

Jaune:*hugging Ruby and Yang* It was seeing you two again*

Ruby:Next time it’ll be for good. You have my word. My house still needs to be rebuilt. I’ll give you two a moment. *dashes off*

Yang:.....I really wanted to wear that wedding ring longer.

Jaune:Next time you will. Until then...*tears up* it’ll be waiting for you just like me. Anything you want me to tell Yujin?

Yang:I don’t know if there’s anything more for me to say. If she never forgives me then......hehe *covers her face* damn it, please let her forgive me. *weeping* I don’t think I can live knowing she won’t!

She breaks down and drops to her knees; not caring who sees. The sight of it is almost too much for Jaune to take as she helps her back on her feet and guides her to the train door. From there Ruby takes her and everyone on it stares back at their family as the doors finally close. The whistle finally blows to solidify the journey, then it starts to move. Slowly at first but surly getting faster. Every so, everybody just keeps staring as the distance grows. The moment nobody wanted is here; the moment of uncertainty.

“STOP THE TRAIN!!!!”

Yang’s head jerked up in shocked. That shout was extremely close; too close to be possible. The train was moving near high speed by now. Already the station looked like a speck to them, but she definitely knew what she heard.

Yang:Please tell me someone else heard that?

Nora*halfway out a window* This is something you might want to see Yang.

Yang:*looks* Y....Yujin!?

Several feet behind them was none other than her daughter driving right beside the train at full speed. She glances over at her mother with an awkward smile and wave.

Yang:YUJIN!?

Adam:Never a dull moment.

Ruby:How’d she gey the mustang off of Patch?

Yujin:Tell the conductor to stop! I’m almost out of ga- *car slowing down* damnit.....!

Yang:Shit! Uhhh is there an emergency break or.... Oh! Make a portal mom!

Raven:That car is still moving way too fast. Last thing we need is mustang flying in here. If she got out the car then-

Nora:Would a boy flying through here be a problem? *smiling*

Once again they look out the window but the mustang is empty. A trail of orange lightning can be seen barely keeping up with the caboose of the train.

Raven:*grabs sword* I’ll try...

Yang:*walks to the back.*

Yujin:Whenever I need help you never hesitate.

Tenzen:*carrying her* By now you should know I have your back; even if your ideas are completely insane.

Yujin:*stretching*If I can just reach the back....I almost..... *grabs it* Ha!

Tenzen:*tosses her up* Good luck!

Yujin:Huh? Take my hand!

Tenzen:Nah, this is your goodbye. Tell my mom she doesn’t have to worry about me. *stops running*

She can see him wave as the distance increases. Her heart starts to race as her palms get sweaty. Only thing standing in her way now is a few doors. All she has to do is open it.

Yujin:*grabs handle* Here goes noth-

Yang:*Opens door*..........

Yujin:....Have you been crying? Your eyes are puffy.

Yang:Your eyes are puffy too......

Yujin:It’s been a rough morning. *pulls out journal* I guess you were wrong about me not getting anything from you; we cry the same. *shaking* You were also wrong about you being a terrible mom. I’m a sorry excuse for a daughter.

Yang:Yujin I-

Yujin:No, I need to get this off my chest. I...*sniff* I punched you in the face, screamed and shunned you. I said I didn’t care if you came back alive. *crying* How could I say that to you!? I am so, so sorry mom. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself for what I did. All you did was try your best to be around ever since you came back and I-

Before she could chastise herself further, Yang reached out and pulled her in close. Whatever Yujin was going to say turned into pure noise as she began to wailing into her mother’s shirt. All Yang could do his hold her tighter she started to cry again too.

Yujin:I can’t believe I wasted the entire week being upset; now I don’t know when I’ll see you again.

Yang:It’s alright, this moment right is enough. It’s more than enough. *lets go* I want you to know that I’m not mad at you in the slightest you got that? Life has a way of bringing people together when it matters most; I’ll come back to you and your father I swear. *wiping Yujin’s tears*

Yujin:We’ll be waiting for you; no matter how long it takes. Mom I...I love you, even when I thought I didn’t. Being your daughter is something I’ll never regret.

Yang:I love you too and I’m so proud of you as well. You’re growing up just fine. *smiles* Promise me something; promise me that you’ll continue to be the best version of yourself you can be and show everyone at Beacon what you’re made of.

Yujin:*smiles* Ha, with this journal I’ll make sure everyone knows what a Xiao Long can do.

Raven:*walks in with everyone, including Tenzen* Sorry to cut this short but people are starting to see we have stowaways.

Yujin:How’d you get on Tenzen?

Tenzen:*winded* We overshot a portal your grandma made. Please don’t make me run that fast again.

Nora:At least you got to see me one more time. *hugs him*

Raven:*makes a portal* this leads right to Jaune. Stay safe kiddos.

Yujin and Tenzen:See you later everyone!

Everyone:See you when we see you.

Tenzen:*jumps through portal*

Yujin:Later “Hunter extraordinaire.”

Yang:Later Sundrop.....

As she walks up to the portal, Yujin stops for a moment and turns back around. Without warning she swaps her blue bandanna with Yang’s purple one.

Yujin:For luck, better have it when you get back. *jumps through portal*

Jaune:*waiting*

Yang:*smiling* Deal.....

Yujin:*hops out* Hey dad! Saw mom and I sort of lost the car in a ditch. Sorry for not telling y- *gets hugged*

Jaune:You’re such a handful you know that?

Yang:I think it’s genetics. Can we go home now? I’m super exhausted.

Tenzen:At this rate you’ll be spent before the exams begin.

Yujin:About that, *looks at journal* I think I’m gonna hold off on those until next year. I got some reading to do.

Sienna:*ears twitching* You hear that?

Jael:As clear as day.

Sienna:Guess that means you’ll be a year ahead.

Jael:Nah, *holds chest* I think....I want a breather and spend time at home a bit longer. Is that okay?

Jacquelyn:When would I say no to spending more time with my kids? So, you gonna say hi to her?

The idea was enticing and not a bad one. Before she agreeded to it though her eyes glanced back over at Yujin; specifically what was around her neck. A pendent in the shape of a sun. Not much different than the star pendant Adam gave her as a late birthday present during the festival. The only reason was it was late was because during her actual birthday he was already off to check in on Yujin like usual. But why would he give her one too? Unless both of them have close or the same-

Jael:.....*walks away* I’ll pass, not up to it. Maybe next time.

Jacquelyn:Oh uhhh okay? Let’s get going then.

Jael:Fine by me; not a fan of this place anyways.

Yujin:Hmm? Is that Adam’s family? Maybe I should say- *tugged away by Tenzen* hey! What ar you doing?

Tenzen:You smell like you haven’t showered in in a day, you’re in a tank top and pj pants with no shoes, and they probably need time to themselves. Not the best time for first impressions. Go home dork; I’ll call you later.

Yujin:You have a point I guess. Thanks for everything Tenzen; you are a real life saver.

Tai wraps his arm around the girl and walk off with Jaune. Neo finally decides to make her leave with Ilia and Blake as they discuss their next move. Tenzen however takes a minute just to stare at this mysterious girl with goat horns as she continues to walk away. He couldn’t put his finger on it but there was something about her aura that was just.....intense.

Tenzen: “A life saver” huh? I hope it wasn’t that serious. *walks home*

[ecoamerica]

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[rosedaewaters]

I Get To Love You - Joe Mazzello x Reader

Synopsis: Wedding jitters suck.

Word Count: 1.7k - short one but fluffy one.

Warnings: none! just cutesy stuff I think - i hope AHAH

A/N: Hiya, it’s Cel, back with another one I guess. I hope you guys enjoy it, this has been in my head for a bit, but I haven’t been able to type it out. It’s kinda crappy but I think everything I write is crappy so oh well. Enjoy! :)

I stood in front of the mirror, gazing at my reflection, smoothing out my chiffon dress as others rushed around me. Some were yelling at others to grab a makeup brush from the table, or a comb or even some false eyelashes, some were drinking glasses of champagne and the others were fixing my dress along with me. My best friend fixed up a strand of my hair, her beautiful wine red dress flowing to the floor, the twists of the straps were gorgeous, the shade of the dress complimented her skin colour so well.

“So, you ready?”

I’d been asked that question a lot lately, and more times than I’d like to admit, I’ve said perfect, but I’m not. I thought I’d be ready, that’s what I’d been saying this whole time. Now that I come to think of it, I may not be ready. I might not be ready to give my life away to this man. My thoughts come into play, the anxiety creeping onto my face didn’t go unnoticed by her either. She looks at me with a frown.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I began to tear up, what happens if he doesn’t love me anymore? What happens if our love dies out and we split? What happens if I get pregnant and he doesn’t want the kid? I began to breathe erratically, I fan my face with my hand as a means to try to stop the tears. I feel her leave my side for a few seconds, coming back with a paper fan, trying to blow air at my face to stop the tears. I close my eyes, trying to will away the fear, but it keeps crawling back into my head, my throat almost closes up.

“What if he doesn’t actually want to stay with me?” I breathe, grabbing the fan off of her, fanning myself faster, harder. “What happens if he’s just saying all this? What happens if he doesn’t actually love me-” She grabs at my shoulders, pulling me up so I’m able to look her in the eye.

“If he doesn’t love you, then why’d he help you plan the wedding?” I look at her eyes, flickering back and forth between the determined gaze. “Why’d he pick out your rings?” I try to speak, nothing comes out. “If he didn’t love you, why did he call you last night, while he was in his own hotel room with his mates, to say that he’s ready to get married to you? That he loves you? That he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you?”

“I-” I’m at a loss for words, not knowing what to say to that.

“Get him on the phone now!” She yells to someone, making my eyes widen.

“Wait, no- don’t!”

“He’ll reassure you, my darling,” She pauses and grabs the phone from one of the girls grasps. “Hi there, darl, could you please tell Y/N that she’s being completely irrational, that you do want to marry her, otherwise we wouldn’t be here if you didn’t?” She nods once as she hands the phone to me. I shakily pick up the phone, placing it to my ear.

“Hi,” I reply meekly, not knowing what to say. I sigh when I begin to hear his voice. I let out a shaky breath.

“Hi sweetheart, are you okay?” His smooth, velvety voice rings through my ears, his accent calming me down almost immediately

“Just a bit jittery, I guess,” I nervously chuckle, pressing the back of my hand to my forehead in attempts to focus my breathing. My nerves had calmed down a little bit, but they were still prevalent in my mind.

“Hey, just remember I love you, so much, and I can’t, and I cannot stress this enough, wait to marry you.” I let out a small laugh at his statement, my nerves flying out the window, hopefully, to never be seen again.

“Sorry for calling you, I didn’t want them to but-”

“You were freaking out, which is okay, pre-wedding jitters suck apparently, I understand. But I do love you. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” He sighs through the phone in content, he’s happy, he’s happy to marry me. “I bet you look beautiful.”

“I’ll let you be the judge of that,” I whisper, a small giggle leaving my lips. “You’ll see in about half an hour. If you don’t cry, I’ll sue.” I let out another laugh as I hear a ‘pfft’ come from the other line.

“And ruin my reputation? Darling, no way,” He laughs. I hear muffled voices, hearing Joe say a few ‘yeps’. “Alright my love, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you at the altar?”

“Of course you will. I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

We hang up and as I place the phone down on the table beside me I giggle, looking back in the mirror. I saw a much happier version of myself. A version of myself who was ready to finally wed the man I love. The man I’ve loved for 3 years. The man who proposed to me on a night out on the town, on our 2 year anniversary, stopping in front of a McDonalds to get down on one knee. The man who made me bawl my eyes out before I said yes.

I was ready. I was ready to marry him, I was ready to become Y/N Mazzello.

Joe would completely deny that he cried when I walked down the altar with my father, even though the video cameras caught it all. He would deny that he cried when I stood next to him, my beauty shining in his face (his words) and wiped a tear away from his cheek, his face rosy and almost sweaty. I let out a nervous laugh as he began his vows.

“Wow, what to say about the woman I love?” The crowd let out a collective light laugh. “I’ve loved this woman since I laid my eyes on her, when she walked into that coffee shop I was at, getting coffees for my cast mates on the way to work. I had to speak to her, she had this beauty that I didn’t expect. It was strange, I’d never felt that way before.” As Joe paused, the crowd let out some ‘awws’ to accompany the sentimental thought. “This woman before me has changed so much over the years, she’s become the best version of herself.” His eyes search mine as he places his palm over my cheek. Tears filled my eyes for the second time today, but this time was for good reason. As I close my eyes briefly, a tear falls from my eye, making me let out a small choked laugh. “Oh great, now she’s crying,” Joe laughs, wiping away the tear with his thumb.

“She’s kind, generous, beautiful and just all over a great gal.” Joe laughs, his hand gripping mine tighter, the other hand falling to my shoulder.

“I love her a lot, even when she dances weirdly in the kitchen, I’m joking-” I laugh.

“Y/N’s been there for me in times of need, want and love. She’s the love of my life. I wouldn’t be able to live without her.” I let out another sob as Joe finishes his speech. He slides the silver band on my ring finger, I begin playing with the engagement ring on my right hand with my thumb, his hands were shaky and clammy, something I wasn’t used to feeling from Joe’s hands.

“How do I even follow that up?” The crowd lets out another collective laugh. I stare into Joe’s eyes, his gorgeous chocolatey eyes, those of which I could stare at until I fall asleep.

“Joe, you’re a handful sometimes, I’ll admit that, but you’re my handful, loving, caring and did I say loving?” I let out a small chuckle, looking into his eyes. He was smiling with every aspect of his face, the crinkly eyes, the flared nostrils and of course, his gorgeous lips curved into the smile I love. “You’re so kind, so selfless and- so invested in Ben sometimes, but it’s okay because I know you love me too.” Joe lets out a cackle as he looks over to Ben to shoot a wink at him. Ben gives a finger-gun in response, with a little click from his mouth.

“When I first met you, I was surprised you’d even noticed me. I mean, you looked like a god in that coffee shop.” I laugh, the crowd joining in too. Joe looks down, bashfully, bringing his blushing gaze back to me.

“You find the light in every situation, you make me laugh in the worst possible scenarios. I love that about you. You’re a light in my darkness sometimes when I have terrible days, you don’t need to know about it, you just cuddle me until I fall asleep, or until I stop crying. You make me so happy Joe, you have given me so much happiness, I cannot thank you enough for that.” Another few tears slip down my face, Joe wiping them away as he stares at me, love, adoration and complete confidence in his decision to marry me.

“I love you so much, Joe. You’ll never be able to get rid of me at this point, boy, you’re stuck with me for life.” I let out another choked laugh, sniffling a little to try to stop the tears. “I get to love you for the rest of my life, and even life after that, because I will love you then. I will always try my best to make it back to you because you are my person.” I place the simple band on his finger as well, hands still shaky and clammy. He brings my hand to his lips, placing a smile kiss onto the finger with the band. I let out another teary chuckle, smiling widely at him.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, my love.”

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride.”

Joe grasps my face in both of his hands, smiling as he leans in to kiss my lips, the crowd cheering along for us. He pulls away slightly, his lips still on mine but enough so he can speak.

“I can’t wait for our honeymoon, babe.” A smirk on his lips as he pulls me in by the waist. I let out a squeak at the sudden movement, placing a hand to the back of his head.

“Only a few more hours to go.”

[quirkydeaky]

Life is Real {Chapter Three}

ROGER TAYLOR

how will Roger cope when he finds that his new best friend,  whom he’s falling in love with, is slowly dying?

.

HI! So I’m back and hoping this series will not flop, lol. A few people have been interested in seeing this, so here I am with what people want! If you want, drop a comment or send me an ask and I’ll add you to my tag list. Mwah!

{p.s - send me asks cause i want mutuals and my ask box is open! eek!}

Also… This story is a multi-part fan-fiction with heavy, mature themes. The Original (and Main) Female Character has a type of Cancer. The type will not be mentioned, but there may be some scenes with heavy implements of medication, treatment or heavily implied scenes at a hospital.

I DO understand that this topic hits close to home for a lot of people, and if this angst-based series is not something for you, please ignore. Thank you.

.

W/C: 2.6k+

Warnings: Fluff, Angst.

Main Characters: 80s!Roger Taylor, MammaMia2!Lily James

[so, basically this chapter has a lot of dialogue, but this is where Lillian finally become completely honest with Roger about her deathly illness. This is where things are finally beginning to take place in the plot. Enjoy honey’s xxx]

"So he actually threw your maracas into the audience?" Lillian questions after hearing the magnificently odd story of how Roger stole his maracas after hours of searching, only for Freddie to throw them into the audience.

"I'm not joking!" He said as Lillian burst into another fit of laughter at his exasperated tone. "You should've seen me, though... I was ecstatic after finding them, and for him to throw them into the audience like that for one of our audience members to take home? I was fuming!" He exclaimed, throwing his free hand that wasn't connected to the steering wheel and resting dangerously close to Lilly's thigh into the air.

"Any other stories I need to hear about?" She questioned.

"Heard about that time I trashed my kit? Pretty sure it was '74, Rainbow Theatre?"

"No! But why would you even consider, let alone, do such a thing?"

"Terrible night that was. Don't get me wrong, though... a great performance from the four of us from the circumstances we were put in, the electricity cutting in and out constantly I think pushed me over the edge, along with some other things."

"Sounds interesting. Can't believe I'm in the car with the actual Roger Taylor."

"Oh, 's nothing, really. Quite the opposite of how a lot of fans would actually react, I guess. You're the type of down to earth that I really appreciate."

"That's nice to know, I appreciate the compliment."

"Wait- don't get me wrong... you are actually a fan, right?"

"Yes, I am, Roger. Don't think you're boasting about your one of a kind, crazy talented band to someone who really isn't listening or appreciating the stories, because I am, really."

"You have our albums?"

"Every single one. From Smile's first 45 to The Game that was released a little over a month ago. Love it all."

"Even Smile's first release? Wow, you've stuck around a while, have you not?"

Nodding in agreement, she replied. "I have."

"But, why don't you know about some of our stories, and stuff? Like, that story of me trashing the kit, almost everyone in London knows about it, not to mention holds it against me, to this day, almost six and a half years later!"

"Well, I- don't really know. At the start when you guys became famous after Killer Queen, I was just graduating Uni at the time, and was busy with trying to find some temporary work, but then had to drop that job as some other things got in the way."

"What kind of things?" Roger questioned.

Roger's eagerness really didn't go unnoticeable. He was in a form of desperation to find out about his new, so called best friend that he needed in his life. He knew this friendship was really going to work, basing it off already being able to tell that the trust and communication was there between the two. But Roger really didn't realise that he could press this somewhat introverted yet extroverted woman too much.

Ignoring his previous comment, she continued.

"And as of recent times, I've picked up a one-shift a week part-time job while working and focusing on the creative aspect of my life-"

"As I mentioned before, what kind of things got in the way?" He pressed, eyes flicking over to her before regaining focus on the road, making Lilly shift in her seat and lean more towards and against the locked door of the travelling car, feeling a blush creep up her neck and towards her cheeks.

"I- I can't really explain. Not right now."

"If it's something explicit or something that has or is scaring, even hurting you... you can tell me. I have no one to tell, if that's what your wondering."

Its not that Lillian wanted to hide such a massive part of her life that was impacting almost everything she did from Roger. It'd be an act of cruelty and dishonesty, having and letting him open up when she hasn't done the same.

"I- yeah, I guess. Okay."

"Okay? You'll tell me?"

She nodded, nerves and fear encasing her voice so much she was afraid to speak. "When is the next turn off?"

"In a couple of minutes, love. 'Want me to just pull into a park or something just outside London?"

"Yeah, just do that."

.

"Okay. You're going to get the truth, obviously," Lillian begins as they step towards a park bench after stepping out of the car not long before, about to get down into the nitty gritty before being interrupted.

"I would hope so."

"Right. Do you want this the light or the hard way?"

"I'll take either, as long as you're comfortable." Roger says with a shrug as he sits on the seat, patting the space next to him to invite her.

Sitting down, she continues. "How easily d'you take me being upfront and probably confronting?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay," She starts, turning and facing him, gaze ripping away from the empty, large space in front of them. Crossing her legs, Lillian fiddles in her bag before taking out three small bottles of different medications, two bottles being almost full as she only collected them from the pharmacy two or so days ago, another being half full.

While Roger stares at the bottles now laid out in front of him, he's lost for words, many assumptions being made in his head that were now not only crammed with lyrics, beats, things to do and his slowly failing marriage, but now his poor, new best friend's health and safety.

"So, what... it's the fourteenth of July, 1980, and doctor's aren't really sure if I'll make it to my thirtieth birthday... that's in April of 1983."

Roger is still speechless, mouth now agape. He doesn't know how to respond to that. Like, this woman who he's already in admiration of, slowly becoming his new best friend, one he is already developing small feelings for, is dying?

It's not what he expected.

What she didn't expect, though, was a response from him. And she hadn't received one yet, and she was fine with that.

It was what she expected. Not to receive a response.

Another thing, though, was how surprised Lillian was with herself. She didn't even have the heart to consider how she, herself, would feel telling Roger all of this. She knew she was comfortable with him the minute they began that proper conversation at the end of his driveway, but having him as the first person to know about her cancer was something entirely different.

Yet, she was okay with it.

"I'm so, so sorry, Lil. I- wow," He says.

Lil. That was new.

She liked it.

"I can't even explain how apologetic and bad I feel."

"And you don't have to, Roger." Lilly said, shaking her head.

"I've been dealing with this on my own for a little over three years. It's cancer. I didn't know it ran in my family, I don't think it does. But it can happen to anyone, at any time. People just need to accept that, and after a while, I learnt. I learnt how to accept that I had the cancer tag that no one knew I walked around with everyday. I didn't have anyone to tell. Mum? She's off with some new bloke, forgotten about me. Don't even know where dad is. I'm an only child and have no friends, except you. Roger, this may be confronting, but I need- god, I need you to understand and accept me for who I am."

"Lil-"

"Please." She begs, in desperation for a little love from someone in her life. Platonically from Roger, of course. He had a wife.

His wife that was slowly becoming further and further away from him, that was.

"Lillian, listen to me." Roger began, griping her shoulders, surprising her with the action and making her chin lift, gaze locking on his.

"I will accept you for whoever you are. The fact that you have cancer? That matters so much to me, in the aspect of me looking after you, driving you to treatment, appointments, whatever. I don't care what I have to do. You have me. I understand, I'm the first person you've had in a long time, and knowing that? I simply can't leave you on your own when you need me most."

Lillian was crying at this point, the realisation of finally having someone who not only will treat her right, but not verbally abuse her like both of her father's. Not a person who will leave her alone, like her mother or that so called friend Sophie. The realisation that someone will finally realise of her existence.

The realisation that someone will love her.

Her tears were flowing freely, Roger cooing and wiping them away as he brought her in for a hug.

Only her second hug in however many years. Both hugs being from Roger.

With the bottles of medication forgotten, she latched her arms around Roger's neck forcefully, knocking over one bottle and climbing over the other two to have a more meaningful hug with the man she now called her best friend.

The touch of his skin on hers lit a fire inside of her, almost instantly craving the small amount of affection she hadn't received in so, so long, with the same happening for Roger.

She wasn't the only one that was craving affection. He was too.

With a slowly disintegrating marriage, how could he not? His wife was now settling for divorce papers. Fights at home become common. Returning to an empty house came even more often then not.

Roger hadn't had a proper, genuine hug in over a year; small side hugs from his three best friends not surfacing even close enough to a real life display of the comfort he needed of so much in his life.

But he had Lillian now. Even if it wasn't for as long as he needed.

The loss of affection, god, Roger didn't know how much it would draw him closer to this new person in his life. One who hadn't experienced affection, comfort, anything of that sort for so long.

The hug lasted a while, sobs still eliciting Lilly's throat as Roger rubbed her back. The small amount of affection that they were both on the receiving end of automatically drew the two closer together, their desperation untameable.

They both wanted someone to love them, and they both wanted to love someone.

That's exactly why when Lillian's head lifted from his shoulder where it lay seconds beforehand, that they both didn't make any effort to pull any further away from each other, Lilly basically resting on his crossed legs.

Roger took a moment to admire the girl's tear stained face, her pretty, sculpted cheek bones blotched a beetroot red, taking the attention away from where her wet eyelashes rested upon her skin where freckles gently lay, eyebrows crinkling as she admired Roger in the exact same way.

She narrowly avoided being caught by Roger as she admired his flawless skin, pale skin a little flushed from the light breeze that blew through the park on a late Summer afternoon, probably also flushed from the intimacy and close proximity of the two bodies in the hug they shared. His breathing was ragged as it escaped his pink, thin yet pillowy lips, a little chapped from gnawing at them in between sentences as he talked up a storm in the car.

His piercing blue eyes caught her own hazel shaded ones as her eyes flicked over his face for the last time, her gaze almost catching something else in motion behind him, all to avoid him, yet what she wasn't giving him, he wanted.

Attention.

He wanted her attention. He wanted her admiration.

Bringing his hand to her chin, he grasped it between his thumb, index and middle fingers, drawing her gaze back to his, eyes locking with one another. Even though he wasn't originally planning to get go of his grasp on her, he did. Only to replace his fingers to fiddle with the only ring he wore.

His wedding band.

"Roger," Lillian started as her eyes caught his actions as he began pushing it up and down is finger, a contemplative face present on his gorgeous features. "What are you-"

"She treats me like shit," Is all the man said before regaining focus on Lillian, stopping his actions and shifting a little closer to the twenty seven year old woman. "Fights with me constantly," He mumbled. "Could say the woman hates me and wouldn't even feel a rid of guilt."

"Roger, I'm-"

"Don't bother, she's settling for divorce papers, and the worst thing? She's not even upset about it. Always says in our fights that she can't wait to get out of the toxic life I've always given her. She hates me. Hasn't loved me in over a year. Haven't felt love from anyone in over a year." He recited, as if the story was what he had told numerous times to different people, or even to himself. Maybe that's why he has no guilt. Only desperation and sadness.

"But no one sees how desperate I am for love to be shown in my direction. The love you receive from friends as they continuously support you hasn't even lasted me long enough. Don't know what to do with myself."

While Lillian was listening and trying to understand the concept of the message Roger was trying to convey, she was interrupted as her body jerked at the sound of church bells ringing in the distance, signalling the beginning of a new hour of the day. Eyes flicking to her watch that she wore on her wrist, it read six p.m.

Her gaze refocused towards the sky after that, ears still perked at the sound of the continuous church bells, still ringing. Breathing in the fresh air and being out in the brisk hours of the beginning of the night was something she rarely got to do, so she focused her eyes on the slowly darkening blue of the sky, searching for the moon to appear at any moment.

Her gaze dropped to the seat the pair were sat on after hearing a light clutter noise. Looking up and seeing Roger with his mouth slightly parted, breathing ragged and increasing as the seconds passed.

The thing Lilly had missed was the way Roger looked at her, trying to succumb and make a decision as she was distracted from his presence. He couldn't help himself, but in the short time the two have known each other, he was beginning to develop feelings for her, and while it was oh so wrong, it felt so, so right, too.

That's why the light clatter noise drew the attention of Lillian. It's exactly what Roger wanted. Her attention.

Her own lips parted at the sight of Roger, and the sight of what caused the clutter noise on the metal bench seat.

His wedding band.

And even if Lillian could only experience three of the main senses at that current time; smelling Roger's cologne, feeling the goosebumps on her skin appear because of Roger's close proximity in his presence, seeing Roger with wide, hazel eyes, that's when she was privileged to feeling and tasting.

The feeling of his pillowy and slightly chapped lips.

The taste of his cigarette.

Roger had kissed her. And almost nothing had felt so right in his life when he felt Lillian kiss back, only for her to pull away seconds later, opening her eyes slowly out of pure bliss before widening them in shock and oblivion.

And at the same time, their mouth opened, spitting out both the obvious, and the not so obvious.

"Roger! You have a wife." "I'm not hers anymore."

TAG LIST: @rogerinathehystericalqueen @toger-raylor @jennyggggrrr @xox-talia-xox​  @hottestofspaces @stormtrprinstilettos @devil-in-those-eyes @redspecialty​​ @brian-roger-deaky-and-fred​​ @ogrogerbattle​​ @im-addicted-to-queen​​ @killerqueenbucky​​ @xgoingdownx​​ @benhardyisdaddy​ @luvborhap​ @loveandbeloved29​ @deacytits @loversoon

[tessatechaitea]

Scarab #1

As I picked this up, I said, "If that's not a Glenn Fabry cover then I'm not a virgin!"

Look out! We've got a real barn burner of a tale starting here!

Louis, the old man, gets interesting when he reveals that his wife, Eleanor, has been locked behind a door in his house since 1945. And it's not a normal door! It's a door his father brought home and threatened him with the cutting off of his hands if he ever touched it. He said his father became Bluebeard but I think that was just metaphorical what with the door that nobody can look behind and all. I don't think he really had a bunch of dead wives' heads behind it. Although Louis here now had one wife's head behind it! Probably still attached to her body and possibly not dead, what with the door being magic and all. According to Louis, even Scarab couldn't get the door open. I guess Scarab is a superhero? And maybe it was Louis's alternate identity? Or maybe Louis knew him. I think I'll discover the answer to that question when I read the next page. Well, it's not actually the next page. That page describes how Louis's father disappears inside the door for months at a time and returns with strange items and new venereal diseases. It's the page after that page where we learn that Louis became the Scarab by messing with one of his father's treasures.

Fifty percent chance this isn't a superhero outfit but an alien S&M getup.

I'm not good with double negatives and I just got concerned that the initial caption reads wrong. Just make sure you read it to mean I'm totally not a virgin! Meanwhile, Eleanor lives in the Labyrinth of Doors now. She gets to be eternally young and have grand adventures every day. Sometimes she finds locked doors that can't be opened. Exciting! Other times, she'll find empty rooms behind the doors. Dramatic! Occasionally, she'll discover old appliances and housewares in piles. Swoontacular! How boring is my life that reading about a life where you get to open mystery doors that lead to stupid bullshit gets my heart racing?! Eleanor is living the dream! When I was a kid, one of my fantasies was that somebody would create a game which was just a neighborhood or city void of people. But their houses were all still there and you could go from house to house snooping at all of their possessions. I was so boring that my fantasy wasn't even about the end of the world where I could do that for real. I only wanted to do it from the safety of my room on my Vic-20! Oh, and how delusional was I that I thought a game like that would run on my Vic-20?! What a stupid jerk I was. I heard that, you smart ass! Questioning the tense of that sentence!

See? An assassin! Look at me doing actual research instead of just ejaculating my own precious opinions!

After the Sicari's ritual to find the door is over, he relaxes naked under a ceiling of swords while holding back his orgasm (so as not to commit the sin of Onan (which he wouldn't be committing because the sin of Onan is not a sexual sin but a breach of contract. But since religious people are obsessed with sexual desire (having so much pent up inside of them at all times), they've consistently demanded that the Onan story was something the Onan story was not. Just go read it yourself) and "shivering ... with a terrible sexual longing for death." It's too bad the Sicari is the bad guy because he just became my favorite comic book character. I wonder if Vertigo ever sold t-shirts of the Sicari? Can you wear a t-shirt in public that shows some leprous man whose skin is half barbed wire naked and holding in his orgasm? That sounds more dangerous than holding in a sneeze. While Sicari doesn't come, Louis sits at home thinking about his comic book battles as the Scarab.

I don't remember the time Doctor Fate fought Conjoined Twins Brain Man.

I hope the previous panel is ildchay ornpay! I'm using King Beauregard's suggestion to fool Tumblr's censors! But wouldn't be weird if you couldn't even talk about the negative aspects of ildchay ornpay (which I think are all the aspects, just to be clear!) without Tumblr censoring you? It would almost be like Tumblr didn't want people to be educated on how terrible ildchay ornpay was! Oh, I hope I didn't drive away all of my ildchay ornpay loving readers! Sorry for being critical of you with that whole "it's all negative" take! Eleanor's next adventure is a room full of electric fans. Can you imagine standing in front of not one fan but dozens?! Oh the heights of excitement she must experience every day of her life! So many fans blowing on you all at once! It's erotic!

Holy crap! This is a Vertigo title! They mentioned the lady's curse!

Remember the good old days when you didn't know what a period was or what the word virgin meant and your only wish was to search through a stranger's sock drawer? Oh to be young and naive again! To not have your body betray you and say, "No! Today you are a woman! Put away your childhood things and bleed!" To not have people at school pointing and laughing and calling you a name you had to look up in the dictionary later that day which led you to think, "Everybody else in seventh grade has fucked?!" To never be burdened by the shame of your first forays into masturbation, splashing loudly in the bathtub in such a way that, looking back, you know your mom totally fucking knew what you were doing in there. To feel the sweet granular relief that it was Chris Huff who got labeled "the breadbox masturbater" in junior high and not you (not that you'd ever even though of jerking off into a bread box. Nor did you think Chris did either but some kid has to become the scapegoat burdened with the rest of the school's masturbatory sins!). To never be so old that you find yourself sitting in a dark room thinking, "How fucking terrible must that burden have been for Chris back then if I can still, thirty-five years later, remember his whole Goddamned name?!" I never felt more empathy for a person, before or since, then when Chris Huff's name was said at 9th grade graduation and nearly the entire auditorium laughed. I swear I almost cried right there among all my peers. But I held it in lest I get labeled a bread box masturbator sympathizer! The night Eleanor finds her first window in the Labyrinth of Doors (and thinks about her period) is the night the Sicari finds the door and murders Louis. Or probably tries to murder Louis. He'll probably get his S&M costume on before he dies and it'll heal him because it's magic. I'm only speculating that it's magic because it's created by a scarab and because the Scarab fought alongside Doctor Fate. The Sicari throws Louis out of the second floor window which means I now have to believe that, broken and bleeding, Louis is going to crawl back upstairs to get to the scarab. You know, comic book, it would have been a lot easier on my psyche if you'd just let the Sicari dump Louis by the bottom drawer of the dresser. Sure, I understand it's less dramatic! But realize that just asking me to believe a 78 year old man can survive being dumped on the floor is already straining the limits of my disbelief! You can't also ask me to believe all of his bones didn't shatter after going out the second floor window! My God, I'm already invested in believing in a magic door and an evil being whose brain is composed of conjoined twins! How much more work do you want me to do here?!

No Louis. You're dead and this comic is over.

Being that this is a Vertigo comic book, Justin probably is dead and the rest of this story is just Justin Jacob's Laddering the last few seconds of his life. The Sicari realizes the door to Alamut (whatever that is. I can't constantly be asked to do research while reading comic books. Somebody expects me to check Wikipedia twice in one sitting?! The nerve! (okay fine! I checked. It's a region in Iran! Happy?)) doesn't exist. And in his rage, he does something that would be unthinkable to non-Comicsgate comic book readers in 2019: he threatens to rape Eleanor's corpse! Man, that Vertigo sure knew how to do horror! He also threatens to shit in the Scarab's heart when the Scarab finally shows up. That's the kind of thing that made a person reading comic books in 1993 think, "Whoa! This is cutting edge adult stuff! I can't wait to tell my first boss that I'm going to shit in his heart!" Yes, Louis manages to crawl upstairs and open the dresser drawer and put on his sex suit. He then somehow manages to find Eleanor but not in time. She's been killed by The Sicari. So the Scarab tells the Sicari that he's dead and he dies. And as he dies, the Sicari realizes there is no afterlife, no paradise, waiting for him and he loses his death boner and weeps like a baby that's dying. What a fucking wuss. I don't know why the last scene takes place on a plane but it does. I guess the bathroom door on this flight was a magic bathroom door that led to the Labyrinth of Doors. Maybe all doors sometimes lead there! The Scarab Rating: I rarely get excited by what I might discover on the other side of a door which seems odd when you realize one of my biggest fantasies as a kid was basically just that. Maybe I've been taking doors for granted? From now on, I'm going to stop expecting the room I've always known to be behind the door to be there. I'm going to hold my breath and hope that it will lead somewhere fascinating, like a room full of hatstands or urinals or electric fans or some other noun writer John Smith could come up with off the top of his head to take the place of something mysterious and exciting. Seriously, John Smith. You could have at least filled Eleanor's rooms with fornicating sloths and newscasters eating shit. But I guess the point was for Eleanor to be lonely so every room had to just have useless, inorganic bullshit. Just like the rooms in my house. Oh my God! I'm Eleanor!

[ivalice-tifalucis]

Found a forum about Take That, also found some interesting discussion

Now it’s 4AM in the morning, I slept too much for past couple of days because of some flu and the medicine makes me drowzy and moody all the time and sleeping was very tempting. I should’ve finished my essay so I can get this one subject to more than a ‘B’ so I can still retain my dream of going to Netherlands this year. But here I am searching non-important things (or at least maybe it’s important for my curiosity), and tried to google if there’s any existing Take That forum. My standard is high with mygnrforum which is a super active and long term versatile fan forum of Guns N’ Roses, I even manage to find myself some friends there. The whole website is even made and funded by fans, active discussions from all age, nationalities, and genders, and even there was a time when Axl Rose decided to showed up to everyone’s surprise. But hey, obviously GN’R is bazillion times bigger than TT. I just saw their concert of same shit they’ve been singing for 35 years with terrible mickey mouse voice of Axl’s and people still went lit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I finally see my favorite rock band. It just hanging around with old fans give me sense of cynical for the band.

Anyway...

I went to thread that is talking about Odyssey. You may check it here: http://www.buzzjack.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=209704&st=440

The thread is actually meant for both Robbie and Take That fans. I found nice thread that talked about Reveal and even gave me snippets that I haven’t even seen before since I was too poor to buy Reveal. But what I want to talk about in Odyssey thread is the view of this person who definitely this kind of annoying GB Army you will find a lot around Thatters group or social medias comments sections. Try to start from the link I gave you. Here this person talks about the BBC Documentary.

Tl;dr the cynical side of Thatters and that for this lovey-dovey band, in the eyes of some of their fans they still are one of the most controversial band.

“Saw it  There were some tears involved here as well, but of boredom, unfortunately. Absolutely NOTHING new whatsoever and nothing of substance and, on many occasions, it felt like the Robbie and his backing singers documentary. The era starting with 2006 was almost brushed off, because, of course, Robbie wasn't there - most of the moments from this era were the ones with Robbie in it-, we had the neverending Jason eulogy, but nothing to actually celebrate the members that really carry Take That. And I realized another thing that pissed me off - in almost all the recent performances, Robbie had the silver jacket, to make sure he distinguished himself from the others - God forbid someone mistook him for just a member and he didn't take the center of the stage. I guess that, on a very superficial level, the documentary will do its job, it will sell the album, but I see it as nothing more than that - just a promo trick, without real substance. I hope one day we get a documentary that brushes off Robbie's coming and going and the boys' constant "guilt" over it and the Jason "I'm happy to enjoy the money I've made off the back of TT, but without TT" and actually concentrates on what Mark, Gary and Howard have been doing. I know I sound bitter and I'm probably blowing things out of proportion a bit, but, seriously, is it too much to ask, as a fan, to have one episode that doesn't involve Robbie? Gary's documentary with James was so much more fun and deep, at the same time. This looked just like a label-ordered film, with no other purpose than filling some pockets. I was really disappointed. And I didn't understand what was the whole thing of including their mums in this documentary if they gave them 2 minutes and didn't get anything of substance out of them? We got more time with the same old fans that appear everywhere and say nothing interesting. It would have been more interesting to just have 2 fans that actually had some stories to tell; the same for the mums - considering how crazy it got in the 90s, they'd have had a ton of stories to tell - they probably talked amongst themselves, but nobody was smart enough to include the stuff of interest in the documentary. Sorry, just because I'm a fan, I'm not gonna praise everything they do, especially when it's so shallow. Rant over “

I mean a documentary released close with release date of their Greatest Hits album obviously not for commercial purpose related, right? People already complain that it’s going to be only TT3 doing Greatest Hits tour and she wants this documentary only about TT3. I agree though that maybe there should be more Take That mums and less fan stories maybe. But I think she doesn’t understand that ‘We’ve Come a Long Way’ is not like ‘For the Record’ or ‘Look Back Don’t Stare’. The purpose of this documentary is celebrating and look back but with brighter light on their career in the past 30 years. Don’t expect bunch of guys look pissed and depressed in this one.

And when I say she’s definitely GB Army, just read it how she reacts around the other person who is more leaning to Robbie. 

“Take That have been a UK (almost) only act since especially after Progress. Boy or Manbands do not sell well in the rest of Europe. It is not down to them only. The music taste is different. Robbie maintained his solo fanbase in Europe different to the UK more than TT. He sells out stadiums still. Progress was the unification all time height. Gary never sold well in Europe. And in the UK in the comments on FB, Newspapers etc (aside of the usual hate comments every public figure gets) you see that his political direction and the tax issue hurt his image. Robbie coming and going makes some people happy, some unhappy as you also realize in the comments even in this thread. But what really took mojo away is Jason leaving. And the miss of huge ballads. However, as long as they sell tours, even if it is for the live moment rather than TT - it is good for them as it pays millions in their wallets. In 10 years there might be a full reunion and then the Progress effect will set in again”

And this GB Army lady thinks Gary has no political direction. Then do tell me why people mocking him as Tory. I don’t understand UK politics. I always roll my eyes when I found random comments like for example at Kit Harington, sometimes he got called Tory too and ffs the dude never say anything about his political views, the reason he got called Tory is probably people mistaken him for being blue blood because he is the nth descendant of an Earl and married to Rose Leslie, whom her uncle is an Earl. But then again, it’s even written on his wikipedia page with article related, Gary did stated he supported David Cameron.

Oh this GB Army lady again...

“To be frank, I understand certain fans liked Jason and miss him, I personally don't. I'm probably one of the few people who don't acknowledge that "intelligence" and "wisdom" the others are talking about - that's probably because I saw really intelligent, academic people in the person of my professors and I know how that truly looks. I guess Jason strived to be intelligent and he probably read a lot, but, imo, he had no real in depth view of anything. I'm not saying, by any means, he was a stupid person, just that he wasn't any more intelligent than the others. I agree with you, though, about his contribution to the band - even if it was only for the moral of the group, he was good for them. But he chose to leave, he wasn't kicked out, so I don't see why the boys have to always go out of their way to acknowledge him - if "fans" attack them for this, then they're idiots. The interviews the boys did in November clearly showed they are annoyed of always being asked about Jason and Robbie - that's why I find this documentary to be more of a "guided" one - they said exactly what people expected them to say, regardless of how they actually feel.“

“As I've said, I agree that both Jason and Robbie's contributions had to be acknowledged, that's indisputable. What I'm saying is that Robbie's presence in the documentary wasn't necessary, given all he's done to the boys. He could have left them have their moment. I truly, truly despised him when he referred to them as "my business brothers". He's clever when it comes to distorting reality without many people noticing it. Maybe the III and Wonderland eras weren't as successful as the previous ones, but, given the context, it's no wonder. They were still successful and it was all down to Gary, Mark and Howard. 30 years of work and did anyone actually acknowledge these eras? Even Odyssey was brushed off. So, I have a problem with the program being called "We've come a long way" while we're only presented the beginning and some of the middle. Oh, and funny how Robbie uploads his new single on yt precisely the day the documentary airs! How convenient! “

There’s also some talking about TT downfall, how they can’t sell as much as they used to. Personally, I wanna know too from this side of the story, long term fan all the way to the 90s. And tbh their problem is also every musicians for all time and all place problem. Even Gary acknowledge this. They’re an old act. And that’s ok. Kinda agree that they made some bad decisions on songs and singles, but to me it’s related to the first problem. I stand with all the 5 lads so I don’t think Robbie came and left and changing the dynamic has something major to do. I agree that they’re lacking huge ballads now, but I still enjoy their newer songs tbh, The Jason one is quite intriguing though.

“I agree about the impact of Jason leaving. He may have been quiet on records but from what I could see he was --Robbie and Gary aside-- the next most popular member since they reformed. (**) I think Jason represented 'the good guy' and humble aspects more naturally than the others and this gained him droves of fans. He is very intelligent, including emotionally intelligent which made him relatable with everyday members of the public. The other four are nice though in my opinion you could tell Jason was truly sincere. Of course he is also the only member not involved in any tax issue and possibly took moral issue on this. I once read he still banks with his local co-op.”

IMO, this part is even interesting

A (dylandog): “I actually feel for Howard. A few months ago he bumped into the 'elusive Jay' on Kensington High Street and they had a brief chat. Apparently that was the first time Jay had see Howard's two children. Howard has also posted some lovely heart felt posts about Jay - who has completely cut the boys out of his life. I genuinely think that Howard is upset by Jay's decision to not only walk away from the band, but also their friendship.”

B (GBA lady): “That's exactly what I'm thinking, dylandog. Howard and Jason seemed to be very good friends during the TT years and Mark, well, he seems to be friends with everyone. I'm not including Gary on this one, although, back in the 90s, they said themselves, it was Gary-Howard-Jay, on one side, and Mark-Robbie, on the other side. I can understand - to a certain extent - Jason's decision to quit the music industry, but I don't get why he had to also quit his friendships. Howard was the one who said, during an interview, that Jason doesn't even reply to their emails anymore.”

A: “Jay was always the one that struggled with the limelight so to some extent it wasn't a surprise that he was the one to jump ship. I also felt that he was, to put it bluntly, rather work shy.  I think they probably understand/accept his decision to leave the music industry, but I agree with you, they must be hurt and confused by his actions to cut them out of his life. I know if a friend I'd spent many years with did that to me I'd feel very hurt. It does make me wonder what an earth went on? Was Jay appalled by their involvement in the tax scheme or was it something else? Whilst I understand Jay has his own life and friendship groups to completely erase them from his life is drastic to say the least. “

B: “I don't think it has anything to do with the their tax scheme. I doubt he even knew what the boys did with their share. Jason's finances are managed by his brother, the boys' by someone else. I don't see them sit down and talk: "oh, did your lawyer/accountant make you sign that paper regarding that investment?". I really trust Gary when he says he had no idea what he was signing - if he had any suspicion back then that it would be something that would backfire, he'd have pulled the money out immediately and payed the tax to the State, just like he did when he found out what it was all about. BUT, in the eventuality that Gary and the others lie and they knew they were doing something morally questionable and Jason was aware of this and this is the reason he left the band, then shame on him! He isn't a saint, he's done his fair share of morally questionable things in life - at the end of the day, using fans for sex is way more wrong than making an investment that doesn't break any laws -, so he wasn't in any position to judge. Just like all the others, he did alcohol, he did drugs, he used people for his own pleasure.....he really had no foot to stand on when it came to this. He is enjoying, after all, a life of doing nothing off the back of others, limelight shy or not. I sincerely hope that is not the reason he quit the band. If it were, his mum being in the documentary would look very weird.“

Then another guy came...

C: “I don't understand the talk about Jay like he is a bad guy here when this is probably the main reason why he quit the band, to stop stangers being judgmental on him. What's wrong with him dating young girls or older girls (Catherine Tate wasn't exactly young when they were dating)? He is single and should be allowed to date whoever he wants. And if he decided to quit because of the tax thing then I don't see any problem. People has different values in life that hold dear to their heart. Anyway, all this was just you guys' speculations (not even truth) and you still manage to use it to talk down on him just because he is not your favorite. Jason has never been a fan of technology since when he was in the band so I see no reasons for him to change after he left the band. Being of grid is so Jason that I don't know why everyone would be surprised. I have a lot of old colleagues that I was close to when I was working with them but never bother to keep in touch. I still like them but they are not my priority at the moment. There are so many levels of friendship and Take That is definitely a unique one.”

A: “I'm sorry you see it that way BadHabit. I in no way meant to be dismissive of Jay or suggest that he is a 'bad guy.' If you read my post I do say I miss Jay and for me they were at their best as a four piece. However, it's not unfair of me to point out that he had few leads, which I think is a shame by the way,because he's my second favourite vocalist in the band, or that he had very little input re song writing. The forum is for comments and opinions and unless we're looking at facts such as sales figures, then of course it's merely conjecture. My point was that I didn't fully understand the intellectual label given to Jason. Of course he can 'date' whom is wishes, regardless of their age, I don't think I suggested otherwise, but simply made an observations that he appears to have been photographed with much younger women on a number of occasions and therefore falls into that stereotype of older man/ younger woman. By the way for balance Howard is married to a much younger woman as well.“

B: “In regards to Jason dating younger women - although I couldn't care less about his private life (as long as his private life doesn't affect TT's image/reputation/connections)-, I do believe it's morally wrong for a 40+ old man to be dating 20 year olds. No, a person doesn't have the right to date whomever they please. In some countries, it's legal for 80+ year olds to marry young girls, some are still kids - based on the mighty principle that "one can do whatever/whomever they please". Just because it's not illegal, it doesn't mean it's not wrong. Plus, it's just disturbing to see an almost 50 year old - or is he 50 already? - jumping from woman to woman - he's either interested in settling down, in which case he should be dating just one person -or he's not interested in a family life, in which case he shouldn't be dating at all. I could understand it to some extent when all the boys were teens or in their early 20s, but now it's just ridiculous. I know you all live in a "liberal" thinking country, but I have the feeling nowadays abnormalities are being perceived as normal, which is soooo wrong. It's not right that any person on this forum be made to "retract" an opinion based on a system of values, just because others' fan bias. Like dylandog said, nobody believes Jason is "a bad guy", but that doesn't mean he's a saint either- he's just showing signs of immature and questionable decisions. Every single member of this band has been criticized for various choices they've made in their lives, why would be Jason exempt from the same treatment? He actually had it pretty easy going while he was in the band. For all his questionable public appearances, he never got the 10th amount of the slagging Gary did for simply existing.“

*sigh* now I’m getting some pattern that the older you are as a fan of an act, the cynical you are.

If anyone manage to read this until this part, please let me know your thoughts. Especially about Jason because tbh even I still confuse about his mindset.