#guess what fuckers i'm not dead

[onecupofsugar]

Cuppuccinoooo

[grimzeyedits]

Trans Omori/Sunny stimboard for me with themes of headspace and cats because these kinfirms don't stop comin (and they don't stop comin and they don't stop comin and they don't stop comin and th /ref).

Don't tag as F/O or genderbend, everything else is fine.

1 - 2 - 3 4 - X - 6 7 - 8 - 9

[8/???]

[endtimers]

how many emails have i sent my absolute cumrag of an MP. rat faced fuck. i have never emailed my representative to the federal government before but how could i not now with the genocide in palestine. maybe i should have tempered my expectations because he's a conservative but after 16 emails and no response what the fuck do i say. how do you get these people to care? i have literally begged this man to care about genocide. i shouldn't have to do that. representative democracy is a sham in the highest order i'm so fucking mad.

[bellflower-goat]

>:((((

[everythingne]

home is where the heart is (ls2)

a phone call from your overseas husband interrupts your grocery trip. fortunately, a little bit of florida sun takes the blues away. (requested anonymously, thank you, darling!)

smau/short fic / logan sargeant x wife!reader (no face claim)

warnings/notes: hurt/comfort, logan leaving williams, i once again bring indycar into my fics bc ofc i do. im manifesting logan and alex teammates at prema next season wdym.

Kyle Kirkwood calling you in the middle of the day is not what you're expecting. You pause in the middle of the Publix, a list of groceries in hand, and fumble in your purse to pull out your phone. The screen showing his name, under it a photo of Logan and Kyle drunkenly floating around your pool over the summer break.

There's a bit of hesitance, and you press the green answer button and pull the phone to your ear with a soft, "Hello?"

"I'm going to kill that British fucker." Is Kyle's first sentence, followed by, "Shit, has Logan called you yet?"

"Not today, why?" You tentatively ask and there's dead silence on the phone before a string of expletives that fly out of Floridian's mouth so quickly you nearly miss his hurried plea for you to call your fiance and the rushed, "so help me God, I need a companion to the fight to the Netherlands."

You end the call after those words, hand tight around the shopping carts handle. You had all your items, right? Not that it mattered if something had happened to Logan overseas and you weren't there. In a bit of a rush, you move to the checkout, tossing your list in you bag and grabbing your wallet. The line feels like it takes years, and the second you've pretty much thrown the bags into the back of the car you are slamming the drivers door and turning on the car as your phone syncs to the cars Bluetooth.

Logan doesn't answer.

It's to be expected. You think. He's busy, he's racing, in meetings and doing media, with little videos you have saved on your phone for when you miss him and need a quick laugh at his and Alex's banter. Usually you'd leave it, but something in Kyle's voice urged you to try again.

Someone picks up on the fifth ring.

"Yn." Benny's voice comes through, soothing you just enough even as you hear the trepidation in his own voice, "Is everything okay?"

"Is Logan okay?" You breathlessly ask, "Kyle called me and said he needed me to call Logan, did something happen?"

"We're almost back to the hotel." Benny says ad you think 'No. That can't be right, it's mid quali, but Benny cuts you off, "When we get up to his room, I'll have him call you."

"Ben, is he okay?" You strain your voice and theres a hesitance, before he sighs.

"It's not gonna be sunshine and rainbows for a bit. But he'll be alright."

Your heart sinks. And you and Benny exchange rushed goodbyes before you practically race home. Every second feels like an hour as you get home, load the groceries into their respective spots, and grab a bag of chips to stress eat while you wait for Logan's call.

And then it happens, and you can barely scramble to grab your phone fast enough to answer it with a sharp, "Logan?"

"Hey." His voice is soft. He's always been soft, choosing his words carefully and keeping back from conversations. Sure, over the years you'd known him, you'd picked his hard exterior apart for the much preferred soft side he showed you. But the walls werte back up now.

"What happened, baby?" You roll to the side, laying in the sun that warms you on the couch, knowing whatever he says next is not going to be what you want to hear.

"It's over." He sighs, "I'm done."

There's a pause where you try to figure out what he means, before your breath catches. As if he hears it, you hear him let out a void laugh.

"But I thought James said.."

"Doesn't matter what he said before, Zandvoorts my last race. He confirmed it with me this morning when we went in. I knew... he was thinking about it... but he had to wait because Red Bull wouldn't give up Liam. But I guess he found a way."

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry."

"No one's gonna know untul next week. Well, excpet for you and Kyle I guess. Because Kyle called me right after it happened and I just kinda... lost it on him."

"Kyle understands. You guys have been talking about how rough this season has been." Rolling onto your back, you let out a huff. "Oh. I wish I could be there with you."

"I'm coming right home after this. I'm not even sticking around after the race." Logan's voice softens, "I just need to see you."

"I'll be here." You smile, despite wanting to cry for your husband, "I always will be."

It's so late when Logan pulls up to the house. You've been anxiously pacing the length of the backyard for close to six hours now, sure your neighbors have finally realized you've gone a bit crazy. You hear the rumble of his engine and pause, quickly moving to slide open the back door, shutting it quickly as to not allow too many bugs or critters inside. You rush through the house, and throw open the front door to your fiance, your future husband, looking up at you.

"Hey." You whisper, but he doesn't respond. Just props his suitcase against the wall of the entryway and leans into your awaiting arms. HIs arms wrap firmly around you, hands digging into the Miami Dolphins hoodie of his that you'd been wearing all weekend, his face hidden in the crook of your neck as he just breathes in. There's no words that need to be said. The end had sort of been inevitable. Logan had hardly enjoyed his summer break, anxious that james would call any moment, and the chance to start the second leg of the season felt like good luck.

Why didn't James just do it over the break? You couldn't rationalize the answer in your head. And now your poor fiance spent two days traveling alone, and he was tired and a little gross from being on planes and flying across continents.

But now he was home, in Florida, with family set to come over tomorrow night. Giving you both time to just... exist.

"I made pasta." You murmur against the side of his head, and he leans back enough for a small kiss, "And it's with that sauce your mom makes. She wanted to be here but I figured you'd want a quiet house."

"Yeah." Logan just hums in response, arms loose around your waist, he gives you a small sigh then a peck on the nose, "Thank you, baby."

"Of course. Come on, go in and eat, it's in the microwave. I'll throw your wash in and then we can watch like... Friends or The Good Place or something."

Logan smiles, though it's nothing close to the big smiles you're used to from him. He takes your lead, following you inside, before parting in the foyer. Maybe thirty or so minutes later you recoup in the master bedroom, both in fresh pajamas, ready to curl up together when Logan just moves to basically tackle you into the bed. Your laughter rings out in the quiet home, causing the head of your sleepy golden retriever to lift from where she's been cuddled against Logan's leg since he returned.

"I have time for you to teach me to surf now." He murmurs against your collarbone from where he lays on top of you, only popping up momentarily to allow you to scoot under the covers.

"Tomorrow." You whisper to him with a tiny smile, his arms wrapping around you like a warm blanket, "We can go tomorrow."

liked by alexalbon, oscarpiastri, kylekirkwood, and others...

logansargeant: sunrise with you

tagged: yourusername

COMMENTS HAVE BEEN LIMITED ON THIS POST.

kylekirkwood: oh so now ur 'soft launching' when you've secured her?

⤷ yourusername: ky he knows im just so irresistible he had to... ensure.. 💍

logansargeant: is this why you both are giggling at your phones?

⤷ yourusername: shhh go back to playing pong with dalton

⤷ daltonsargeant: he's losing at pong mini sarge

⤷ kylekirkwood: hes lost the frat energy. too much time in england.

⤷ yourusername: another thing james vowles stole from logan

alexalbon: eyy finally

⤷ yourusername: this is bad for you, now i can publically flirt with @ lilymhe

⤷ lilymhe: the only homewrecking ill allow is you bbg

⤷ alexalbon: @ logansargeant ?? help ??

⤷ logansargeant: good luck mate

oscarpiastri: feels good to be home?

⤷ logansargeant: you know it. see u in oct.

⤷ oscarpiastri: cant wait 👍🏻

liked by kylekirkwood, daltonsargeant, and others...

yourusername: hometown healing my (future) husband <3

tagged: logansargeant

user: YES HER ACC IS PUBLIC??

user1: omg the PUPPPYYY

⤷ yourusername: her name is sanibel and she's my 'hand me down dog', my parents can't keep up with her wild energy, so i adopted her from them !

kylekirkwood: ur never letting him cut his hair short or style it again

⤷ yourusername: kyle HE LOOKS SO HOT WITH LONG HAIR.

user2: LOGAN LOOKS SO HAPPY SOBS

user3: AWWWW IM SO HAPPY HER ACC IS PUBLICCC!!

user4: WAIT FUTURE HUSBAND?

lilymhe: engagement era has u both glowing

⤷ yourusername: ur next... @ alexalbon

⤷ alexalbon: dont RUSH ME BITCH?

logansargeant: love uuuu

⤷ daltonsargeant: be squisher

⤷ logansargeant: i love you so much you are the best thignt hats ever happened to me you're so amaazingggg

⤷ yourusername: dalton its four pm why are you two drinking already

⤷ daltonsargeant: brother healing time

user5: finally we can get ALL the logan content

liked by alexlalbon, logansargeant, kylekirkwood, and others...

yourusername: bc the twt girlies think i have a whole boulder. happy one yr six months engagment to us ig :)

kylekirkwood: your hand must hurt from lugging that boulder around

user: STOP THE PICS ARE SO CUTEEEE WAAHH

user2: logan rlly did cash that first williams check huh?

alexalbon: logan rlly set a high standard

coltonherta: god DAMN

lilyzneimer: i remember the like three days up to him proposing, just him and oscar sending like PARAGRAPHS back and forth ab what he was gonna say

⤷ yourusername: did I ever tell you guys he just kinda blanked and said "i think i'll like die or something if you dont marry me"

⤷ user3:OH MY GODD AHAHAH

logansargeant: not my proudest moment tbh but it worked

⤷ yourusername: my cringefail husband <3

oscarpiastri: when is the wedding

⤷ yourusername: whenever this bitch solidifies his contract so i can schedule one between all the different race schedules

⤷ user4: DIFFERENT? race schedules?

⤷ yourusername: babes. im not letting logan touch f1 again for another few years. I missed my husband.

⤷ alexrossi: join the dark side that is indycar

⤷ logansargeant: dont tempt me

⤷ premaracing: both of you get off of instagram we are in a meeting??

⤷ yourusername: LMAOOO

general tag list (open!)

@d3kstar

[barleyo]

BARELYYYYY write another daddy Leon fic, AND MY LIFE WILL BE YOURSSS

867-5309.

Real Dad! Leon Kennedy X F! Reader (smut)

A/N: this fic is shitty and short, sorry ^_^ i literally have no drive or desire to write anymore, idk what's going on with me. probably some type of brain worm! but i thought i should at least try to get something written :3 (ily whoever knows what song the title is referencing)

Tags: incest (daddy-daughter), phone sex, age gap (21 and 50-ish), mutual masturbation, no actual sex, idk dude i'm not sure what i was going for with this

Wordcount: 719

!!! DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT/DARK CONTENT !!!

"Little note wasn't lying," Leon said into his phone, sitting in his car near the back of the bar's mostly empty parking lot. "What's this about a good time, doll?"

It was too late for him to be out like this. Too late for him to be this far from sober. Too late for him to be calling some random number that was stuck to the urinal partition. And, of course, it was much too late for him to be this horny.

"Depends," a voice, your voice, spoke on the line. "What kinda night is it, mister?"

Thank god he was drunk, or else he would've heard right through your overly sensual, fake tone. Thank god you were stupid, or else you would've known it was him right from the sleazy nicknames he used.

"Tonight?" 

Dirty fucking man. His hands were practically already in his pants. Roughly palming at himself over his tented jeans to the sound of some mystery broad's voice. 

"It's a real good night, babydoll. I think you could make it better though." He pulled his zipper down, cock pulsating desperately. 

You giggled on the other line, absolutely drowning in the sudden flush of attention. That's why you slipped the damn sticky note with your burner's number into the men's room all those nights ago, hoping some horned up man old enough to be your dad would ring your line and validate you. Little did you know, that man would truly be your dad. 

"Sounds like you could use it. I don't mind 'chatting' for a bit," you said, hand finding its way all over your body. "Tell me, y'touching yourself already?"

"To a voice like yours? Of course I am."

Leon freed himself from the confines of his pants, eyes shifting anxiously as he looked around the sparse parking lot. He was a grown man, he'd jerked off to hotlines and voices on the phone all the time. In public, though? New territory completely. 

He squeezed his shaft, feeling it pulse in his hand. Thing had a heartbeat of its own at that point as it practically begging to catch some friction and relief. 

"Glad you called," you said, sliding your panties off while you spoke. You tossed them in the corner of your room mindlessly. "I've been waiting for someone to find that little note."

Leon opened his mouth to respond when he heard a soft moan escape your mouth. That was enough for him to start. He wanted to take it slow, to enjoy himself, but who was he kidding? He was a needy fucker and he wanted to cum ASAP. 

"What'cha doing right now?" he was finally able to ask, swallowing thickly as he pumped his length. "Using those cute fingers, doll?"

You hummed through an over exaggerated moan, dramatizing and putting on a show for your 'mystery man.' 

"Sure am," you said, finger curled, reaching your g-spot the best you could with the limited length it had. "But it's not as good as the real thing."

He could practically hear the pout in your voice, and it drove him crazy. You sounded like a bratty little baby, just his type. 

"Awh, aren't you a poor thing? Bet some older cock would do you good, huh?" 

He heard the squelch of your cunt through the phone speaker. It picked up the sound of your palm hitting your clit, and the little gasps of air you let out each time you slammed your fingers in.

"Guess so." You bit your bottom lip, holding back an excited squeal at his words. "You offering?" 

Leon chuckled dryly, watching the tip of his cock weep with pre as he stroked himself. "Oh, someone's eager. Sure," he said, amused smirk on his face as he started to near his climax, hand still working furiously over his cock. "I'm offering. I could use a cute thing like you, anyway. It'll be much better than just hearing ya through the phone."

"We'll see about that," you teased, phone clicking off of the line just as he started to cum. 

(XXX)-867-5309: *sent location* 

(XXX)-867-5309: pull up ;)

Wait, that address? That was his house...

"Fuck."

Leon's head fell back on the car seat headrest, brain going a mile a minute. Hand still covered in stray spurts of cum.

"Fuck!"

[heartfullofleeches]

Loser Reader and Melan, my Girlfailer Jester Gal Yan. Loser Reader could give less of a damn about Melan's clumsiness or the bodies that pile up as a result of her blunders and doing what she must to keep her biggest fan around. Their brain kinda short circuits seeing this tall ass jester monster girl and as the established monster fucker in my stories, Loser Reader will let Melan do whatever she pleases as long as she answers the age old question for them.

-

"I-I'm really really sorry about your friend! I was just doing knife practice again and I saw you both walk by and I started to panic and the blade just slipped from my hands and-"

As the freakishly tall woman rambles on, your eyes briefly flicker from the bells dangling from her collar down to the lifeless body of your coworker. Blood drains from hole in his back roughly the length and width of a small throwing dagger seeping the lining of your sneakers. It has to be the saddest part of this ordeal - you really needed those shoes for work tomorrow.

You're more worried about this odd woman than him. It's his own fault for spending the gas money you gave him on cigarettes again. If she keeps on apologizing without paying to take a breath, you'll have two dead bodies to deal with. Does she even need to breathe? She doesn't exactly look all that human now that you've gotten a better look at her.... Some type of clown....or jester. It's probably nothing, but her appearance coupled with her height leads you to believe otherwise. Did you genuinely happen to stumble across a jester girl throwing daggers at a wall past midnight? Your thoughts begin to wander away as you stand there. A process some unfamiliar with your way of being might find troubling if they happen to catch ear of what your mind spews out.

"Do they....honk?..."

In the midst of tripping over her own words, the sudden slip of your tongue nearly sends the woman tumbling over oversized ends of her sleeves. She stands upright, balancing her weight on trembling legs as she mutters a meek. "Does..what honk?"

Crap, did you say that outloud? "Hm? Oh, nothing... I was just thinking of some thing I heard about clowns. I can see you're more of a jester, but that falls under the same number right?"

The woman stares down at her shoes. You think so, anyway - it's hard to tell where she's looking with her hat blocking fourty percent of her face. "I...I guess? If you're talking about my nose then uh it does... sometimes"

"I was talking about your chest."

You could've sworn she popped a blood vessel from how her pale face turned tomato red.

"You.... HUH?"

You raise your hands in defense, however your guilt ends there. "Sorry! My brain has a mind of its own. If it makes you feel better, I say dumb shit all the time. If it clears up my mistake entirely, you were pretty sharp with that knife throwing."

The blush of her face dims. Less fiery and more...warm. "You .. you really think so?"

"Yeah. You could probably even avoid casualties if you lift that hat off your eyes.... Listen, I really don't want to be around when people find this guy and I'm not a snitch either so you don't have to worry about me ratting on you. He's your problem now. See y'all!"

Squeezing past the jester, you sprint off into the direction of your apartment - meticulously dodging the glow of street lifes to keep your bloody shoe prints unnoticed till dawn. Alone in the alleyway, Melan reflects on the events that just occurred. She... just killed someone. That alone should terrified her, but every thought in her mind cycles back to you. You're strange. A bit perverse, but you spoke your mind about her.. Was everything you said to her true too?

Dragging the body behind a dumpster, Melan wishes that just maybe you'd become another one of her problems.

One that would follow her through her improvement as a performer.

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT with a reader who would literally get into a fist fight for them?? Literally, if someone even looks at them wrong reader will throw hands. It's literally that meme (Random person) "GET YO FUCKING DOG BITCH" (MCYT) "it don't bite" "YES IT FUCKIN DO-" I'm sorry I'm feeling silly 😔

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS PROMPT AND THE REFERENCE TO THIS MEME LMFAOOO OH MY LORD BSHWJRHEJJAJW ; very vine oriented so I apologize. you threw me into a loop referencing that

MCYT ; "anytime, anywhere, I'd beat a bitches ass for you"

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, slimecicle, quackity, & foolish gamers

warnings ; language, talk of blood/injuries, physical fighting, vine cringe because I got very carried away and you can tell

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he was one of those kids in high school that made light offensive jokes but would never fight anyone over anything, he's not a violent person at all other than in his jokes

but God forbid some random person look at you two weird in public, you're on their ass

you're more offended that they were judging Tommy at all, you couldn't care that they were judging you

"sorry, do you have a problem?" You squint your eyes at the person, "me and my boyfriend are just trying to shop and you keep following us around and staring, like, can I help you?"

just a teenage Karen

yall do take it outside when the motherfucker follows you out and begins to record you

you beat this fuckers ass to a PULP

Tommy's just holding the few bags of stuff you'd purchased staring down, jaw on the fucking floor like "Oh my God wtf do I do"

he had the vlog camera on so he kinda got it all on video before he pulled you away from the person

yall sprinted the hell away bc the security guards were running towards yall 😭😭

#neveridentified

#the person admitted guilt anyways and said they were planning to hurt you so no point in trying to track yall down for self defense

#i barely know the law shush

RANBOO

they just kind of accepted that you were like this

"I do not endorse violence unless you are y/n. I can't make them un-violent. I have tried, they're a vicious guard dog now"

hurricane Katrina? more like hurricane tortilla when you enter the building

yk the free style dance teacher vine? that'll be ranboo out in public and someone will stare at them all weird and you'll glare back

"walk away, walk away" you mumble, watching the person hurrily walk away as they see you like glaring daggers into their skull

your dynamic is the one vine that's like "Oh can I have a sip of your water?" and "It's not water or vodka, it's vinegar" "bitch what"

then you'll go make angsty edge lord posts to the one bojack horseman audio "I'm not a violent dog" and insert a clip of you beating the shit out of someone in high school

FREDDIE BADLINU

you post the "look at all those chickens" vine on your Twitter everytime you see a hate comment made for one of you

you love instigating fights w people online it's the funniest fucking thing

if you don't know how to reply to some dumbass edgelord response you'll just spam the guacamole vine until they shut up

"wait, why does y/n have so many soaps?"

"MIND YOUR FUCKIN BUISNESS DAVID"

Freddie's response to your violence is usually the saxophone seal vine. he genuinely laughs everytime he sees you fighting w someone online

sometimes you'll stream it while you wait for a response and while you're fighting online trolls who've been brainwashed by Twitter

"You're gay?!?!?!?11??11"

insert the "ms keisha dead" vine and the battle is over idk what to say

fight fire with fire I guess

NIKI NIHACHU

she hates yet loves that you'd fight ppl for her

oh, someone treated her wrong? you'll be trending on Twitter for fighting the person

#y/u/n will literally be at number 1 for a week

people edit the fight too

she appreciates it though, even though she doesn't exactly like to promote violence, she'll accept it from you

"Oh, don't worry about them, they're just a little... nervous around people sometimes"

"nervous? girl that mf is SNARLING at me"

you'll see a post that's like "me when someone tries to start shit w my s/o" and reply with the "hahaha I do that" vine

when I tell you she CACKLES reading online fights with people 😭🙏

CHARLIE SLIMECICLE

"get the F off my yard!" proceeds to have to drag you away from situations where someone's actin a little funny in a /neg way

he genuinely thinks you fighting people for him is funny

he'll tell the stories on stream and to his friends like "dude they fucked this guy up, I honestly feel bad for laughing"

honestly most the time it's people victimizing themselves

like that one meme where the lady very obviously and fakely falls over that bench on LIVE TELEVISION.

he's your biggest supporter

he's the old guy from that one vine of the kid singing "Oh wait a minute mister postman" and he does the whole ass high note

"here's y/n fighting someone for idk what because they're talking to the police 😋"

you're a problem at this point

QUACKITY

you've physically fought so many wild racists for him it's crazy

he'll gladly cheer you on

"AHHHH COME GET YO DOG BRO HELP"

"Oh it don't bite"

you proceed to bite the bitch

online fights are usually responded w the purple teletubby twerking meme

"L don't be a weak ass racist pussy next time"

you fight Logan Paul for some reason??? Twitter drama mostly

don't worry quackitys there to watch

17-3 don't worry... ehehehrhahahha

when he tells you that you need to stop instigating fights you send him the "They ask you how you are but you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine" meme BAHDNHAHA

FOOLISH GAMERS

"YOU KNOW WHAT DUDE? IM OUTTA HERE" vine in a nutshell with you two. I can't explain this but it makes sense I swear

"whatd you do to your eyebrows?" meme except its "Whyd you fight that person!?" "I don't really know!"

Twitter fights are like "and they were roommates!" "ohmygodtheywereroomates" I swear to fucking god

you love instigating shit with Twitter trolls

when you stand up for him/reply to edgelord haters for him he replies with the "country boy I love youuuuuuu" vine

"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKIN MONEY!" vine with the law and order intro is literallt how physical fights go

let's just say some stalker edgelords tracked you guys down at the streamer awards...

HE AND PUNZ GENUINLEY CHEER YOU ON

here you go trending on Twitter again

[emotionaldamages]

soft launch or hard launch - max verstappen

in which shes in a secret relationship with a certain redbull driver

social media au

part one| part two

note- this is my first time writing so it might not be as good, but hope you enjoy♡

masterlist

Liked by lewishamilton,maxverstappen, and 1,132,753 others

lando.jpg wild vera on a train @verahamilton

comments

lewishamilton that is not my child, thank you very much

verahamilton that is just wow

lando.jpg shes currently emotional about that

verahamilton no tf I'm not

username shes so pretty

carlossainz55 shes always climbing something

username I deffo ship her and lando

verahamilton I'm happily taken:)

username I KNOW YALL SEEN THAT

username MY WIFE IS TAKEN

username we just gonna ignore the lonely train..

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 3,898,753 others

verahamilton vacation with my love♡

comment

username oh myyyy a soft launch

username EVERYOME PAUSE

username my wife😿

lewishamilton young lady who is that

pierregasly kika is gonna have a huge talk with you about this

landonorris I cant keep quiet for longer

verahamilton better keep ur mouth shut child

landonorris yes mother

username pls he so scared of her

username EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY CALM

username ima go lay on the highway

verahamilton pls dont

*pretend it says vera and not rihanna

verahamilton guess who @harperbazaarus

comments

username mother.

username icon of the century

username I would go in the shark for u

landonorris yall some horny fuckers

verahamilton lando no cussing

mclaren listen to your mother lando!

landonorris IM OLDER

username I love lando so much

maxverstappen ♡♡

username I know yall see that...

username max...

username you telling me sid from ice age pulled her

georgerussell63 Y'all hear something

verahamilton yo momma(I love ur mother alot)

verahamilton has posted a story

@verahamilton

@landonoriss I know something you doonnttt, I know something you will never knooowww @verahamilton and @hersecrectbf

verahamilton the shit that happens when u bring ur child smh

landonorris you love me tho:)

verahamilton I guess so

landonorris bitch

username lando singing that one song rn

username I WANT TO KNOW WHOOOO THAT IS

username what if THATS lando

username not possible, vera is taller than lando, that dude is taller than vera

georgerussell63 why are you the only one who knows who it is

landonorris I caught them making out in my house😔

username poor lando traumatized

verahamilton bitch I told you not to walk in the room

landonorris LIAR, oh wait.. you did

username vera the children miss uuu

username someone get me my inhaler rn

username I screamed to loud

lilymhe OH MY OH MY DEAR

kikacgomess my heart is broken💔

pierregasly do I not just exist

kikacgomess no you dont not when vera is around

@landonorris tired of these people hiding

comments

username this has ruined me wtf

username OH MY GOD. WHAT THE HELLLL

username SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO WAYYY

username vera ur paying for my therapy sessions

danielriccardo VERA AND MAX WHAT.

lewishamilton oh..

username lando is so dead

verahamilton I'm going into hiding

maxverstappen let me go with u

username THEIR SO CUTE

username I want what they have

georgerussell63 I just heard lewis yell at the top of his lungs in the paddock

username someone check if max is alive

username oh myyyyyyyyyy

verahamilton SEE YALL LATER

carlossainz55 cuties

username are yall breathing ok??

[libby-for-life]

This is a short one-shot with Adam having more bird-like qualities instead of being a lamb. MalePreg. Hot steamy smut. Enjoy.

Adam doesn't know what quite to do. It's been a whole week and he's been having this intense urge to make a nest. He's been looking at children more. Specifically, babies. The little shits were adorable. Without telling anyone, Adam begins building his nest.

He makes sure that it's built to his best capabilities and soon enough, his bed has bits and pieces of the hotel inside it. Even an old blanket Lucifer threw away was tucked neatly by his pillow. He liked the scent.

For the next few days, Adam felt on edge. He wanted, no, needed a baby. But no one came to mind that was worthy of mating with Adam. It just made him more distressed and he started to brood as well.

Niffty almost lost a hand when she was instructed to bring food to him because Adam refused to come out of his nest for any reason.

Lucifer, at this point, is getting tired of Adam's bratty behavior and goes to talk to the manchild himself. Why does he have to make things so difficult?! He barged inside the room and stared at Adam with a glare.

"Why are you acting like this?!" Lucifer yelled as Adam preened his feathers. He tried to ignore that Adam was naked. "She was trying to give you food!" Adam wrinkled his nose. "She got too close. Cunt should have known better."

Lucifer growled. "Just tell me what's wrong. Why are you building a nest? Why are you acting so snappish?! It's almost like—" and then he notices Adam's eyes. They were round, the pupils covering his entire eye. His breathing was labored and he looked...restless. Lucifer smirked. "Oh. I see what's going on. It's that time of year. I guess it is April, isn't it? You have baby fever."

Adam blushed at being called out. "And? What of it?"

"Well? Why haven't you mated yet? Surely you could have found someone by now." Lucifer asked. Adam just scoffed. "Like hell I'm choosing some fucker off the street."

Lucifer came closer and Adam bristled for a moment before calming down. "What if you haven't been looking in the right direction?"

Adam looked Lucifer up and down and the devil tried to be as nonthreatening as possible. Adam was at the stage where he was mostly following instincts. If Lucifer didn't make the cut of what Adam deemed worthy, he could very well be bodily thrown out.

Suddenly, Adam shivered and looked at Lucifer with hooded eyes. Bingo

Lucifer slowly walked over to Adam's nest. He stopped at the entrance and Lucifer looked up. "May I enter?" Adam looked at him with a tilt of his head. "Yes." He looked pleased that Lucifer asked.

Lucifer snapped his fingers and he was naked. Adam looked at him appreciatively. Lucifer smirked and came closer to Adam. "Let's preen those wings, shall we? Make them look all pretty." Lucifer has to set the tone. The minute Adam's mood shifted could end up with Lucifer being fought. With nimble fingers, he dragged a claw at the edge of his wings.

Adam chirped, his eyes closing at the feeling of Lucifer's small but strong fingers working out the dead feathers and smoothing down any new ones. He dragged his claws delicately, being sure to be careful. He would be gentle. For now.

Adam could feel himself grow boneless as time went on. Lucifer knew what he was doing when it came to preening. When Lucifer dipped lower, Adam moaned at the feeling of claws grazing the base of wings. "Found it~."

Lucifer massaged the area with deft fingers. The devil smirked as his pretty bird grew more and more bothered. With a snap of fingers, Adam's clothes vanished as well. He was too much in bliss to care.

Lucifer chuckled and said, "I'm going to put a baby in you." And then he flipped the pliant bird. Adam moaned when he felt the slick of his cloaca feeling wet and leaking. Lucifer licked his lips. "My, you've been hiding treasure like this for how long? Naughty little bird~." He dragged a finger across the edge and Adam moaned, his voice sounding wobbly.

Adam screeched when a clawed finger entered in. It felt like fire and warmth and oh so good. If Adam was being truthful, he had never touched down there. Not like this. He was far too embarrassed about it. Due to this, it grew sensitive to the lightest of touches. Lucifer expertly pumped his finger in. "We're going to have to stretch you nice and good. How else am I going to fit~?"

Adam nodded, too out of it to truly understand what his mate was saying. One finger turned to two and then two turned to three. It wasn't long until Adam had Lucifer's entire fist in his cloaca. Adam was crying tears of ecstasy, drool falling off his hanging tongue. "Look how pretty you are! I think you're almost ready. What do you say, Adam? Want Daddy's cock in you~?

"Yes! Please! Fill me! Fill me with your babies!" Adam screeched and Lucifer just chuckled how needy his pretty bird sounded. He lined his dripping cock to Adam's entrance. Lucifer could feel his own instincts slipping as he growled possessively. "You're are mine, Adam. You were mine the minute you let me into the nest." And then he slammed in with a brutal pace. Adam moaned, chirped, and pleaded for more and Lucifer was happy to provide for his mate. With every thrust, Lucifer got deeper and deeper and Adam got more and more needier.

"Faster!" He yelled, eyes glowing yellow. Lucifer growled at the demand but listened. He pounded into Adam, his eyes glowing a sharp red. With a final thrust, Lucifer released his seed into Adam who gasped and chirped at the feeling.

They both bit each other, blood dripping from the wound on either of their necks before Lucifer pulled out. He spooned Adam, his fingers rubbing an exhausted Adam's belly. "I can't wait for it to be swollen with my children." Adam whimpered at the sound of his mate's voice. Lucifer sincerely hoped it worked and that Adam was going to be a mother soon. If not, well, Lucifer would just have to try again, wouldn't he?

[gallusrostromegalus]

Who wants to help me ID some rocks?

So one of the cool things that got left at the new house is the former owner's rock and fossil collection, which they meticulously catalogued by which I mean they left them out under some junipers in the back yard. The power is out, so I'm spraying some of the dirt and leaves off with the hose, but if anyone has guesses I'd love to hear them.

1. The Big Fucker:

(10 in screwdriver for scale)

First clue that there was a secret collection, this was the only one really visible. Pale translucent blue-green cubic crystals and skinny, more opaque/white ones on top of a heavy dull white rock. Pretty, whatever she is.

2. Salt n Peppa

Pretty sure the black stuff is smoky quartz, but what are the white cubes and the red rock it's on?

3. Sparkly Bois:

Two of these- I think the little cubes are pyrite, but what's the dark, shiny/metallic stuff? Very heavy for their size.

4. Assorted Dead Things!

Fossil clams and a coral I think, but if anyone knows anything more specific I'd love to hear it. Pretty sure most of these things are from the Rockies/front range area but genuinely, I don't know where they got them.

5. IDK what she is, but her name is Helen:

Like a bunch of criss-crossing wafers. Not very heavy for her size.

6. Green Stuff:

What are the green crystals coming out of this rock? They're cool, whatever they are.

7. Miscellaneous Shinies:

Assorted small rocks I found while digging. Small dead clam, I think some of that is mica, and I'm really curious about the shiny stuff on the granite (?).

Part 1/2, gonna hose some more rocks while y'all speculate.

[stellamancer]

obligatory (satoru gojo x reader)

notes: haha. the valentine's fic. it's funny i still have to post halloween fic. maybe i'll finish this week since i'm off work. uh anyway, for those who say my posts, i'm kind of hesitant to post this for two reasons: 1) it's removed from context— like you can still get a feel of what is going on, but there's no explanation as for why and 2) due to reason 1 it's tonally different than usual, at least according to my beta reader. my eternal gratitude goes to @momodita who helped me workshop this fic and continues to demand i write more gojo fics despite denying being a gojo fucker.

contains: implied f!reader (no pronouns), the return of gojo's pov (a little less whacky this time lmao), jealous gojo (because those who know me know i can't get enough), light angst or whatever the hell is going on there. additionally, for those who don't know giri choco is chocolate you give out of obligation to your coworkers and honmei choco is chocolate you give to someone you have romantic feelings for. part of the infinite loop verse.

wc: 1.8k

“Here you go.”

Satoru graciously accepts Shoko’s offering: a thin, delicately wrapped box of Valentine’s Day chocolate. Naturally, it's giri choco; Satoru is well aware that Shoko would be caught dead before even thinking about giving Satoru honmei choco. That said, it looks like she's given more thought to her gift this year— the last few years she's just handed him a gourmet chocolate bar from some high end chocolatier. Actually, the last time she'd given him something wrapped up like this was…

“There better not be any liquor in this,” Satoru says in a petulant tone reminiscent of his high school days.

Shoko merely laughs. “As if I'd waste something like that on you.”

There's no way she’s forgotten how sick Satoru got the one time she did give him liquor filled chocolates. Not only had it made him sick to his stomach, it'd given him the worst headache of his entire life. If it were up to Satoru, liquor filled chocolates wouldn't even exist. “Welllll, thanks for the chocolate. I'll be sure to get you something good next month.”

Shoko gives him a relaxed smile. “Looking forward to it, Gojo.”

Knowing Shoko, she'll want liquor as usual. Maybe the same bottle of shochu that he got last year? She liked that, but then again, the same gift twice would be boring and Satoru is not about that. Whatever it is will be a little pricey, but Satoru doesn't mind it one bit— anything for one of his oldest friends.

Having given Satoru her yearly offering of chocolate, Shoko shoos him away so she can actually get to work. Satoru considers ambling around for another hour or two, but Ijichi will probably have a heart attack if he delays his mission briefing any longer. The sooner he does it the better, he guesses. Satoru starts sauntering toward the assistant managers’ office to find Ijichi, pulling at the ribbon on the box he received from Shoko as he goes. Inside are two rows of perfectly round chocolate truffles and Satoru picks one at random and pops it into his mouth. It's filled with a sweet raspberry cream that practically melts on his tongue. Shoko really went all out this year, but no matter how good these are they'd never match up to anything homemade.

Though, when he thinks about it, Satoru supposes he won't be getting anything like that this year.

When he gets to the assistant managers’ office he easily finds Ijichi, who, for once, is not bent over a mountain of paperwork, and with him is—

You.

Handing Ijichi a box of chocolates.

For some reason, Satoru suddenly feels very, very annoyed.

“Well, well, well,” he says, the volume of his voice louder than intended, but he doesn't care. “What do we have here?”

Ijichi whirls around and lets out a squeak, his face red as can be. He starts to blubber and it almost feels like Satoru's caught him in the middle of something more illicit than receiving chocolates. If Satoru weren't feeling so annoyed, he'd find the whole sight rather funny.

You, on the other hand, are far calmer, indifferent even, as a slight frown mars your features. Something about it makes Satoru's blood burn hot.

“Did I just interrupt a heartfelt love confession?” Satoru asks dryly and Ijichi starts to freak out even more, and while Satoru notices the slightest twitch of your eye, you remain impassive.

“I hope you like the chocolates,” you tell Ijichi, outright ignoring Satoru and somehow that makes Satoru's blood run even hotter. “I kept in mind what you said about last year's so they're not as sweet.”

“Thank you!” Ijichi squeals and you give the man a sympathetic smile before you head toward the door where Satoru's standing. He knows he's blocking the way, but he doesn't move.

Will you say something to him?

You don't.

Instead, you keep your head down and squeeze past him. Or try to. You brush against his side and Satoru doesn't miss the way your body jolts when you make physical contact with him. But it only lasts a second, and when that second ends, Satoru tries to ignore the feeling of bitterness rapidly spreading throughout his chest.

He means to say something, anything to you, but the words get caught in his throat.

By the time they free themselves, you're already gone.

Satoru sighs and saunters over to Ijichi, who's been taking deep breaths to calm down after Satoru's little bout of teasing. He leans against one of the desks and crosses his arms. “So, you had a mission for me?”

“Right! Yes!” Ijichi squeaks again and takes a deep breath before he starts to explain. Satoru only half listens to the briefing, his attention more focused on the little box sitting on Ijichi’s desk. The mere sight of it spurs a complicated set of feelings. He doesn't understand. You've been giving Ijichi chocolates every Valentine's ever since you moved to Tokyo and it's never bothered him before so why now?

“Um, Gojo?”

“What?” Satoru almost snaps.

Ijichi doesn't answer right away, instead he clears his throat and then says. “It's giri choco.”

Satoru scowls. Of course it is. It's not like you'd give Ijichi honmei choco. You don't see him like that. “I know that.”

Ijichi swallows thickly. Nervously. “Just making sure.”

Then he falls silent, the air between them now terribly awkward.

“...do you want some?” Ijichi asks.

“It's your chocolate.”

“I don't mind sharing,” Ijichi says, reaching over and opening the box to reveal your homemade chocolates. They're nowhere near as perfectly round as the ones Shoko bought for Satoru, but he can tell you put effort into making sure they looked presentable. “Help yourself.”

Even Satoru isn't terrible enough to steal an entire box of chocolates meant for another man, but he does grab the nicest looking one and tosses it into his mouth.

It's bitter; a mix of dark chocolate and black coffee that's not only completely unpalatable to Satoru, but disturbingly reminiscent of the bitter feeling that's now threatening to eat him whole. He almost wants to spit it out.

But he doesn't.

Satoru swallows it all.

The mission is uneventful, absurdly easy even, though Satoru took a little longer than he needed to by toying with the curses a little prior to exorcising them. Some would consider it a touch cruel, but Satoru doesn't care. Anything to rid himself of that pesky feeling from earlier.

If it were up to him, he would have headed straight home afterwards, but Yaga had asked him to come back and do some paperwork. Satoru had tried to reason with him, tell him he'd just do it tomorrow but the principal was insistent.

Satoru trudges to his office and throws open the door. Inside, someone lets out a surprised yelp.

It’s you.

Again.

Both you and Satoru stare at each other in surprise. Given that you've been avoiding both him and this entire corridor like the plague for the past two months, you're the last person he’d expect to find in his office, hovering over his desk. And yet…

You look away from Satoru, your expression awkward. This isn't like your encounter in the assistant manager's office earlier; you can't just walk out of his office without an explanation of why you're there.

Well, you can try, but it's not like Satoru will let you.

“Weren’t you supposed to be out on an assignment?” you finally ask. Satoru thinks you mean to sound annoyed, but your tone is watered down.

“I was, but it was so easy I could have done it blindfolded.”

Normally, you'd just roll your eyes or snap back about how he's a show off or his jokes are shit, but you remain quiet. He shouldn't be surprised, but it still makes him feel weird. Almost sad. Almost empty.

“Principal Yaga asked me to leave some paperwork on your desk,” you say, sounding uncharacteristically meek.

Satoru frowns a little. Yaga, huh? He never pegged him as a meddler. Satoru approaches the desk to look at the paperwork in question; he grimaces— it's a whole freaking stack.

You start to shuffle away from Satoru and toward the door as Satoru flips through all the papers. “Anyway, if you'll excuse me—”

“Wait a sec.” Satoru says and you glance back at him in confusion. There's something peeking out from under the stack of papers. Satoru gingerly fishes it out, revealing a familiar looking box. He holds it up and adds, “Did you leave this too?”

A myriad of varying emotions flashes across your face before you settle on an awkward sort of embarrassment. “I… did.”

It's weird. Satoru didn't expect you to be so straightforward given that under normal circumstances you always choose to be as obstinate as possible. Which Satoru doesn't mind in the slightest; it makes things exciting. There are few things more fun than prying the truth out of you with whatever means necessary. Answering him so readily like this… almost feels wrong.

“I accidentally made too much,” you explain.

Satoru stares at you. It’s not an excuse, not a lie. Honestly, adjusting the amounts to account for one less person probably slipped your mind until it was too late. You could have done anything with the extra chocolate, given more to each person, eaten it yourself, but instead…

You still chose to give it to him.

Satoru tries to ignore the strange feeling stirring in his chest.

“Anyway, eat it if you want, toss it if you don’t,” you add, almost hurriedly as you move closer to the door. You give a quick bow to excuse yourself and before Satoru can say anything else, you run off.

His eyes remain glued to the empty doorway where you were just standing for a second before looking back at the box of chocolates you left for him. Carefully, he unties the ribbon and pulls off the lid. Just like Ijichi’s chocolates, the ones in his box aren’t perfect, but something about them looks nicer than the ones Ijichi got. Satoru wonders if you consciously put in a little more effort when you’d realized you had extra. The thought makes him chuckle a little.

He delicately plucks one from the box and pops it into his mouth. It’s sweet, infused with a hint of strawberry and vanilla that makes Satoru crave even more. As soon as he’s done with the first he shoves another into his mouth, and then another. With each chocolate he eats, the painful feeling in his chest grows, but he ignores it.

Before he knows it, the chocolates are all gone. Satoru licks his lips, hoping for one last taste of that strawberry vanilla sweetness only to find nothing. All he has left is the empty box and an aching heart.

if you read this whole thing, thank you and i hope you enjoyed it.

also yes, shoko got chocolates (tomo choco) too. they were similar to ijichi's, but with liquor instead of coffee.

[toxictigertonic]

Three count em THREE whole people said they liked my headcanons and wanted more so I'm back with more, this time for how they sleep bc I think it's funny.

COYLE

- Like a damn ROCK.

- But also, extremely vigilant at the same time.

- You could pick him up, shake him, scream in his face, he sleeps. Door cracks open a little? Floorboard creaks? He's up and ready for a fight.

- I really hope he'd sleep in boxers but he strikes me as a butt ass naked kinda guy. Enter his room at your own peril he WILL fight naked.

- Sleeps with his arms to his side, stiff as a board. Dead center of the bed though so good luck if you're looking to share with him.

- Sleeps like that partly bc of military and partly bc if he sleeps on his side he drools.

- Snores like a fucking lawn mower. Has woken people up from a sound sleep bc of it. People are holding grudges.

- The sunglasses and hat stay ON.

- No blankets, no sheets. You can guess how awful this is with the whole sleeping naked thing.

- Sleep walker. Again, awful when you remember that he's nakey.

- One pillow. There is a perfectly head shaped dent in it from his bald ass dome.

GOOSEBERRY

- How many pillows can you fit on a bed? Okay now double it.

- Her bed has the comfiest blankets and the biggest quilt ever.

- Futterman gets his own pillow, so she sleeps on her back with one arm up on the pillow and the other resting on her stomach.

- This is because if he doesn't have his own pillow he'll complain. Also he'll get lost in the mess of blankets.

- She still does the Futterman voice in her sleep. Futterman talks in his sleep. Futterman does not say nice things in his sleep.

- She also talks in her sleep but she's talking about making sure the children are safe or that her pie needs to come out of the oven while Futterman says things about dental hygiene (and how you'll be taught about it whether you like it or not)

- The ONLY one of the prime assets that brushes her teeth before bed. Doesn't wash her face though.

- If she didn't have Futterman to worry about she'd be a side sleeper, pillow tucked under her head and blanket tucked up under her chin.

- She'd have one stuffed animal me thinks. I'd say it's the duck but that feels too simple. How about a mmm ratty old cat.

- Wakes up with the blankets off of her everytime. She doesn't know how it happens but it does.

- Wears the cutest pajama set ever. Futterman deserves pajamas too.

- Sleepytime tea connoisseur. Chamomile with cinnamon and honey every night.

FRANCO

- Again, God help us where do I begin.

- He is my little skrunkly so I say this all with love. Maybe. Potentially. Maybe a little hate.

- Would absolutely spend the money to get an adult sized crib to sleep in. Maybe Murkoff got him one just to make him a little less of a brat (affectionate).

- Sooooo many stuffed animals. So many. From classic stuffies to weird stuffed animals you never would've thought existed.

- He cuddles with the same one every night though, without fail. According to character ai it's a pink elephant so I'm going with that.

- I feel like he'd have a special pajama set for each weekday. Or he'd wear whatever the hell he was wearing during the day to bed. Not sure which.

- If he doesn't have the binky he'll resort to thumb sucking, he won't sleep if he can't have one or the other.

- Also needs sound to sleep, a silent room makes him antsy. Typically has cartoons going.

- (Sad one for those of you who like angst) Dreams about what life could've been like if he had a happy family. Wakes up in tears every time.

- (Cute one to apologize for that) He's clingy as all hell. If someone were to sleep in the same bed as him they'd become his human teddy bear. Good luck getting up this mother fucker has Grip and is so starved for positive attention.

- He wakes up groggy as hell. Give him 30 minutes after he's gotten up bc before then he barely remembers where he is.

- Kicks in his sleep. And they're not gentle kicks either that little bastard is MEAN.

- Drools, sorry not sorry.

- If you pet his head he'll be out like a light :)

Let me know if there are any specific headcanons you'd like to hear out of my noggin because I promise I have plenty. I can talk about these freaks alllll day.

[aliteralsemicolon]

what do u think about Maeve as a character and as a love interest for Spencer?

Well she definitely exists. She was definitely a canon love interest 😐 I choose to forget a lot of details from that whole incident on purpose. Talking about this is just beating a dead horse bc I think my opinion is just a general consensus.

but here's what I think anyway:

The storyline

I won't talk about it for long because I feel like it's obvious, but the whole situation was handled so poorly. It kinda just showed up out of no where on one random peaceful day. What do you mean Maeve didn't want Spencer to get the BAU involved because 'it could endanger him'? Babe, he's already in danger just by being in a relationship with you, but I guess that just doesn't fucking matter. Also, what the fuck do you mean that Spencer just went along with it? I'm sorry? Spencer Reid, who becomes very impulsive when it comes to the wellbeing of his loved ones? He just agreed to sit back? Not even investigate in his free time?! By the time ZUGZWANG happens, we as viewers know how the BAU operates. The BAU was more than equipped to successfully deal with Diane. We know what they're supposed to do in a stalker situation, but for some reason they ignore nearly every goddamn protocol and then they're surprised when Maeve dies??

Maeve as a character

Listen, I don't dislike her because she was Spencers love interest. I'm actually somebody who's very keen on love interests for Spencer. I want that poor man to be happy. I dislike Maeve because she's one of the worst recurring characters on the show. She's very morally annoying. Not grey, annoying. Maeve is a geneticist. Geneticists, for the most part, study gene interactions and evolution. She has no fucking business diagnosing and prescribing shit from one look at an MRI scan. I don't even wanna talk about how medically inaccurate the migraine bit of the storyline is. Somehow it gets dumber. I don't know what she said for sure, but I know for a fact that she said something like she had to get to know Spencer because of how interesting he seemed. FROM HIS MRI SCANS?! Are we ignoring how unethical this is? Please, I cannot fucking do this. But there's more. Apparently she loves Spencer. She says as much at the end of a phone call AND literally writes that one love quote in the Narrative of John Smith for him. She loves Spencer, but fails to mention how she was engaged literally not long before she met him. And she doesn't feel an ounce of guilt or sadness when he ex-fiancé (whom she also supposedly loved) gets shot in the head in front of her? Also there's certain times where she just comes off as very emotionally manipulative, but in the dumbest way possible. The thing is that I don't even hate her because she's like this. Some of these things actually give the character potential to become a really interesting and complex character. It's because she tries to come across as the opposite. The writers try very hard to portray her as an intelligent, good and innocent character, but everything she does is very selfish and stupid. Personally, if I was a geneticist and some fucker reached out to me to ask about his MRI scans I would redirect him to a fucking neurologist or something.

Maeve as Spencer's love interest

She's introduced to us a mysterious woman over the payphone. We get glimpses of her body in a dark room and we watch her fiddle with things while walking around, but we don't actually get to see her face until later. Her voice is meek and sultry. If this sounds like some wattpad introduction then that's because that's literally what it is. Maeve is introduced to us in a very Y/N esc way. The whole relationship is very much wattpad story written by a 14YO back in the day. Wait I take that back, even fucking 14YO's writer better shit. At least their stories were worth ruining your sleep schedule for. I can't even be upset, Maeve is literally not the first female character portrayed this way on the show *cough* Jane Seaver *cough*. MGG didn't want Spencer to have a love interest so Maeve was written to die. I just wish they at least tried to do the characters and the story justice. Viewers couldn't even connect to Maeve because she was just thrown at us one day and then literally killed a second later. Even if she wasn't unlikable I find it very hard to imagine that I would've cared about her death, because I literally had no time to bond with the character. It's also just very awkward when she shows up after her death because I feel disconnected with Spencer's emotions. Mentally, I know that she's his first great love or whatever, but emotionally, I do not give a fuck. She does not match Spencer's freak. What she is, essentially, is a female version of Spencer (but through the male gaze because she's a woman so ofc she's slightly dumber and Y/Nified). Spencer is one of the most complex established characters on the show and Maeve as a partner for him is just very boring. And even if she's was interesting, I PERSONALLY FEEL LIKE the actors have no chemistry together. He's had more chemistry with love interests that lasted for a way shorter period than he does Maeve. Ironically, the most chemistry he has is with the one person he despises the most (Cat Adams) and I think that speaks volumes. God, I wish so badly that they utilised the bar tender he did a magic trick for or the forensic scientist in that bombing episode.

Again, I'm pretty sure most of the fandom feels this way. I'm fairly confident that I might have more to say, but I cannot be bothered anymore.

[mrfleshwizard]

Real.

Lucifer didn't even bother to talk to Adam about his behavior. "How do you know that he didn't?" Becouse in that book on the start there was NO mention that. The whole point of that story was to show Lucifer in the pure white light (you cannot concived me otherwise). If he did talk to Adam, he would mention it in the book, but he didn't. If he did do it than why he wouldn't mention it? That would make him look even better. So, yeah, he probably didn't.

"But Adam wouldn't listen-" Maybe becouse you banged his wife? I also wouldn't listen to person who my "wife" had affair with. He could try harder. You could take a form of the animal, just help Eve and Adam. Adam was literal child with adult body. He didn't know right from wrong. He needed an right teacher and Lucifer was an AUTHORITY. A fucking authority. He's job was to help humans and take care of them as a person who is older (just like the other angels) but no? Why he should do that? He's Lucifer after all! The biggest victim of the world!

Lucifer never cared about Eve. He humiliated her to make fun of Adam. (woah how mature/s) He couldn't came up with something different becouse OR he doesn't know her at all OR he doesn't know Adam at all. There are only two options.

"He refrence to the apple!" It's even worse. Imagine how Eve would felt? How SHE would felt that man who RUINED her life and her children lives and all humans life uses her like some trophy to her husband face. Eve was blamed for fall of the humanity even of it wasn't really her fault and that fucker made it worse.

That monster is responsible for every war, every illness, every death, every crime and he so proud of it. If was him I couldn't look on the minor after what I have done to innocents, how many people Die nervously of my selfhness let alone be proud of it. There nothing to be proud of.

He didn't get any punishment at all. He was rewarded. He got his wife, he give humanity a "free will" (even if they had it before), he got whole fucking kingdom, he became a KING, he became powerful, but I guess he too lazy to take care of it. He really must hate doing his duties or whatever that is spelled. (english isn't my first language) But he cries about hE dIdN't NoThInG wRoNg! Like dude you did EVERYTHING wrong. You're all existence is wrong. But no! YOU ARE THE VICTIM! YOU AND NOT ADAM OR EVE WHO HAD HUNDRED TIMES WORSE. WHOSE CHILDREN PAINFULLY DIE. And I'm not talking about Cain and Abel only. They probably had more children that Die becouse... come on, they live in the wild, they were the first parents. Starvetion, wild animals, infections, illness, accidents, cold and who knows? Maybe even sucide. Lucifer never lost a child Adam and Eve lost at least two. AT LEAST TWO.

Adam and Eve suffer starvetion, the very cold winter, they were forced to kill animals who they been friends with. Eve give birth without doctors when Lilith probably had many. Adam had to work as a farmer Lucifer never worked, at least he never was forced too.

Lucifer have a life who many of people want to have, but he doesn't care.

Adam and Eve got worse punishment than Lucifer and he acts like he is the victim.

"But his family-" They did a good thing.

Lucifer deserved to fall. Not Lilith becouse she was a CHILD WITH ADULT BODY. But Lucifer? He absolutely did.

Also can we talk how ugly he is? He supposed to be the beautiful but he a fucking abumimation. Does his power is to kill people with his ugly ass face?

I don't understand how people like him. I want him dead. That's not even a joke. I Hope Lilith will be a villain and leave his ugly ass. She deserved better than him. Everybody does.

I don't care that he likes ducks. Fuck his ducks I want them also dead. I would tell him how male ducks copulate with female ducks (they are kind a like dolphins) only to ruin his day.

If feel bad for the cocktails or something like that. You know the birds who are comperad to the Lucifer? I feel bad for them. They deserved do much, so much better than being comperad to that freak.

I'm serious. I want that poor excuse of an devil dead. Like very dead-dead. Like he wouldn't come back.

[gallaghercest]

Lyric Analysis - It's a Crime

Ok, this reunion really messed with my head. It feels like a dream come true. I never imagined to experience this. I've been listening to Oasis non-stop since the 27th. I've been obsessing with these two fuckers in such a way that I haven't done since I was 16.

My current obsession has been It's A Crime. It's a demo from 1999, SOTSOG era. A few years later it was released as a single during the Don't Believe The Truth era as "Let There Be Love". Mind you that LTBL is the second song Liam and Noel sing together, the first being Acquiesce - yes, that one where Noel sings they need and believe in each other.

I always knew these lyrics were a huge piece of evidence, but for some reason, I never managed to understand what it meant. It was sort of an enigma to me.

Well, let's get into it. It won't be anything groundbreaking, just my thoughts on the lyrics as I need to vent with someone.

Disclaimer: I don't ship Liam and Noel, these are only thoughts and theories about their relationship, and this is all merely for entertainment purposes. Noel/Liam, if you're reading this, please don't sue me. I'm cool.

Before we start, I'd like to remind you of My version/timeline of Liam and Noel's relationship as this will help you understand my analysis:

Their thingy started around 1992, as Liam and Noel got closer to each other because of Oasis;

I firmly believe Noel was the starter, hence Lock All The Doors (1992) lyrics. Why did Liam agree with that? Fuck knows. I'd die to know that;

Noel was the one who showed more affection/was head over heels in love during 1992-1995. He was always writing about Liam and treating him like a God. Liam loved Noel too but I just think he had more important things to care about, he didn't really see how important Noel's love and public displays of affection were. He was too immature to realize that and value Noel's love. We know Noel is a cold person by nature so showing his vulnerable side to Liam was something important to him, but Liam couldn't understand that;

Then we have 1996. Boom. That was the first time their ""relationship"" was in crisis. I don't know if it was because of their wives or if a single episode we're unaware of led to a crisis. I sadly don't have that info. I also believe Noel went to Mustique Island as a way to cope with/escape this crisis. He recorded nearly all the demos for Be Here Now there, including If We Shadows and Untitled. Haha. The boy was depressed as hell;

Things seemed to get a lot better in 1997-1998;

1999-2001 is a strange period, it seems off - they seemed more distant, but at the same time, there are some hints Noel was still willing to give themselves one more try. I don't have many thoughts on that period;

2002: they seemed to be on pretty good terms, but guess what: from this year onwards, their roles switched - Liam started to be the one who's most affectionate, and more passionate and needy, while Noel was more distant, and cold. That was their dynamics until 2007-2008;

2009 was a terrible year for them so I won't even bother to comment on that.

Well, you can say what you want But you won't get a thing from me And if you don't understand That's it's not in your hands you need Let there be love

You'll notice that, throughout the song, Noel uses the words "want" and "feel"/"mean" in the first line of each verse, because there's a difference between what Liam wants to say and what Liam needs to say. We'll get into that later on.

I think this verse supports what I said about Noel being emotionally unavailable during the SOTSOG era and post-2002. I don't know what happened in 1996 but he seemed to be extremely bitter ever since (1997 being an exception). No matter how many times Liam told him he loved Noel, no matter how Liam showed his affection or begged for Noel's attention, he wouldn't get it. The old Noel was dead.

The last three lines, in my opinion, show that what Liam needs is Noel's love, something that's irreplaceable in his life: there's nothing Liam can do on his own that would replace what they have, and no one else on Earth could give Liam the same love - so it's really not in his hands. This also accentuates how Noel likes to be in charge/have power.

"Let there be love". Noel is telling Liam that he should let love take over him, and thus be more expressive. Noel always says how Liam is an angry man, etc, so this is just a message to remind him that he's still able to love.

But you can say what you feel And it might never steal from me And then you must understand That it's all in your hands what you need Let there be love

English is not my first language so I have no idea if the "steal from me" is an idiom that means anything other than the regular meaning of it. The first line shows that all Noel wanted was Liam to be more verbal about them i.e. show more affection.

Third and fourth lines show that Noel's way of loving solely depends on Liam's actions - if Liam shows his love, Noel's happy and will express his love too. By saying that, we must think: does that mean Noel's love is not unconditional? Does it mean a huge part of Noel's obsession with Liam was a need to feel approved and needed by Liam, which is (plot twist) basically the exact same way Liam felt about Noel during… his entire life? In the end, both wished for the same thing from each other but were poor communicators.

Again, Noel thinks his love is all Liam needs, but Liam is unaware of it.

And I never knew But all the things that you've done Are coming right back to you But everybody knows that it's no crime

1994 Noel would never have imagined that their relationship would be in shambles in 1996, or that they would go through such emotionally-distant periods, ever.

My understanding of this whole verse is that Noel was aware that Liam was getting his karma, not only regarding their relationship but with life in general, and Noel never imagined that would ever happen, as Liam always seemed to get away with absolutely everything when they were younger.

Although Liam and Patsy had Lennon in 1999, they got divorced in 2000, so we can suppose things were not very nice when this demo was recorded. Although Liam was sober around the SOTSOG recordings in 1999, he was Drunk™️ as hell on the second Wembley night in 2000. Liam didn't value Noel's love in the early years, and now he's paying for that "mistake". In Noel's mind, that's no crime. People reap what they sow, whether that's good or bad.

But does it make you feel ashamed? You never said what you've done And there's no need to blame But everybody knows Yeah, everybody knows Everybody knows that it's no crime It's no crime

These lines are sort of a mystery to me. "You never said what you've done". What does Noel mean by that? Is he talking about the 1ncest? Or is Liam not able to admit he failed to meet Noel's emotional needs? I believe it is the latter. In Noel's mind, that would be a reason for Liam to be ashamed, but at the same time, he can't blame him, since Noel was the one who started all of this.

For a second, while I was reading the lyrics, I realised the first three lines were kind of familiar to me. Then I had an epiphany and noticed that Noel has written something similar in Stay Young, released in 1997: They're making you feel so ashamed/Making you taking the blame. As I always say, guilt, blame, shame, being a sinner, and wanting to escape from people are recurrent themes in Noel's lyrics. I wonder why…………..

So you can say what you want But you'll not get a thought from me But if you say what you mean Then you might get a thing from me Let there be love

This just reflects what I said above: if Liam says whatever he pleases - or, in this case, if he's not verbal with Noel -, Noel will shut down. However, if Liam says what he really feels deep inside, Noel might be cool to him. That line shows me that despite Liam being immature and not valuing Noel in the past/present, he still knew Liam genuinely loved him the same way he did. Noel just had this (ego-guided?) desire to hear that. Clearly, Noel's language of love is words of affirmation (he's such a Gemini!!!), and Liam's is acts of service (he's such a Virgo!!!). That's it.

While I was writing the above paragraph, I thought, "Am I going nuts? What if everything I'm writing is pure bullshit?". So I refreshed my Tumblr timeline and saw THIS:

It's a Liam quote from 2006. It's literally what I've been saying throughout this whole analysis. Liam thinks words are not necessary. But Noel does. Do I think Noel complained about Liam's lack of communication with Liam himself? Probably not. Noel'd probably think that'd be humiliating. I think there's a high chance that Noel just vented about it in his lyrics and when he was face-to-face with Liam, they'd simply fight with each other as a way to express the frustration they felt inside caused by each of them not being able to act the way they expected, love-wise.

If I ever knew That all the things I've thought Are coming right back to you But everybody thinks that it's a crime

First things first: I love Noel's delivery of the word "Crime" in this verse. It's so agonizing, you can really feel his guilt/desperation.

To me, this verse shows how Noel knows the 1ncest and his own actions/way of treating Liam impacts Liam's life and way of being, and also their relationship in general. It all started with a thought in Noel's mind back in 1992. An intrusive one, most likely. But Noel wasn't able to brush it off and eventually gave in to his forbidden wishes. If he ever knew how that would affect them forever, he'd have never done that (no shit, Sherlock).

Obviously, everybody would think what they have is a crime. Because, luckily, people are sane. Alternatively, Noel might meant that even when Liam does something wrong or gets what he deserves, people still think it's a crime for him to be held accountable for his actions. As I mentioned above, Noel is convinced that Liam is the world's protegé, a kind of invincible human being who is never blamed by anyone.

It never makes you feel ashamed You sit around and you sold And you're passing the blame But everybody knows Yeah everybody knows Everybody knows that it's a crime It's a crime

Now, Noel is kind of blaming Liam for not doing anything to change his behaviour, being convinced that Noel's the reason why everything is shite and blaming him for it. Or maybe blaming other people/situations to justify his behaviour/lack of expression of feelings.

Either way, unless Noel would address his desires directly to Liam, it doesn't make a lot of sense in my head to be a bitch about it. I mean, get a grip. Stop writing songs about it and do something!!! Cry in public!!! Make a press conference to expose how Liam is non-verbal with you!!!

Last lines conclude that, in the end, 1ncest is still a crime. Who would've thought?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x- That's it - hope you missed me and enjoyed this. Kiss Kiss JM