#guess it really is a bizzare town

[ultimaterelic]

List of ALL Stand Users in Ultimate Relic:

OC/Non-canon to JJBA-

Alejandro Heras - Pet Sematary

Isabel DeSoto - Hell Above

Marco Ortega - Impression

Mateo Ortega - Dollhouse

Unnamed guy - Pumped Up Kicks

Parco Franco - 4th Dimensional Transition

Holly Moore - Undone

Unnamed old man - Cat People

Hugo Amendarez - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

Pope Marcellus - Holy Diver

Father Elio - Heavenly Chain

Ramona Miyamoto - RX Queen

[ TBN ]

Canon to JJBA:

Pannacotta Fugo - Purple Haze Distortion

Giorno Giovanna - Gold Experience Requiem

Guido Mista - Sex Pistols

[uwabbittuwabbit]

just realized that marc marquez has fucking jojo face syndrome like hirohiko araki was a personal consultant on marc marquez's gene expression or smth

like u really cannot make this shit up wtf his name follows the jojo naming convention too (marc mar(q)) istg...

[linkemon]

Crazy, noisy, bizzare town (Higashikata Jōsuke x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴏꜰ [ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ], ʜɪɢᴀꜱʜɪᴋᴀᴛᴀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ɪᴄᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ. ᴜɴꜰᴏʀᴛᴜɴᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ᴀꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ꜱᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴜꜱᴇʀꜱ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴜꜱᴜᴀʟʟʏ ꜱᴛɪʀꜱ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇ…

ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: 1. ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴀɴᴅꜱ ɪɴ ᴊᴏᴊᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛ 4 ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇᴅ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴏɴɢꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀɴᴅꜱ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ 90ꜱ. ɪ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰᴏʀᴍᴜʟᴀ.

Mori-Mori-Mori-Mori Morioh Cho Radio! This is your favourite neighbour Kai Harada! It's going to be a beautiful, sunny morning. Remember to bring hats and a bottle of water. I wish everyone a tasty coffee accompanied by the best songs from the top of playlists. We'll see you again in an hour. The topic of the day will be the mysterious disappearances of dogs. Stay with us!

Yoshikage Kira stretched. Satisfied, he reached for a cup of dark brown liquid. He took a sip of the pleasantly hot liquid. It burned his tongue a little but that's what he loved. He glanced at the clock. He still had a few minutes to go. As a decent office worker, he did not allow himself to be late.

He thought about what he heard on the radio. Undoubtedly, some stand user has just attracted attention. He smiled happily. This will only distract any attention from him. It was going to be another great day.

— Come on, honey — he said caressingly.

He grabbed a delicate hand, twisted his nose at the rotten stench. The hand was almost completely dead. He sprayed it with flower spray, grabbed his briefcase and left. He will have to find a new woman. But that could wait. Leaning out at this point could end badly. So he went to the office, hugging his beloved.

***

[Reader] rushed out the school door, clutching her bag tightly. She almost hit a young middle school student. She waited impatiently for the bell to ring and then she was detained after class. No matter how hard she tried, she was fifteen minutes late.

The heat in Morioh was becoming unbearable. The stronger the sun shone, the more tourists came. And that meant ice cream prices were going up. Recently, she and boys found a place where they could get them quite cheaply. In the afternoon, the best ones were often already sold out. Therefore, it was necessary to run as fast as possible.

— [Reader], what's taking you so long? — Okuyasu kicked a pebble impatiently.

— Were you attacked by an enemy stand? — Kōichi looked at her. — Just a moment and we would go looking for you.

— I'm fine. — She waved her hand dismissively. — It's all Kūjō-san's fault.

Higashikata smiled widely when he saw her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He was slightly confused, as he always was when she showed him affection in public places. Immediately afterwards, however, he eagerly grabbed her hand and they headed towards the store.

— But what does Mr. Kūjō have to do with you being late? — Nijimura never thought too fast.

The only time he really shined was in fights. Apart from them, he couldn't be expected to handle something his brother always did for him. Now that he had only his father left, he had to rely on his friends. The girl sometimes wondered how he would cope without them.

However, JoJo immediately understood what she meant. He sighed softly and muttered the customary: Yare yare greato daze. He didn't like the situation they were in either. They couldn't do anything with it. As usual, it all came down to Yoshikage Kira and the danger hanging in the air.

— I was late because Shizuka-san asked me to set her up with Jōsuke. You have no idea how difficult it was to get her off. All because your uncle — she pointed an accusing finger at her boyfriend — forbade us to show anyone that we were together.

— I'd rather not hide it either — he admitted — but I guess we don't have a choice.

— You aren't hiding now. — Okuyasu scratched his head thoughtfully.

You could almost hear the gears turning in his mind.

— Because he was only talking about school, so technically we're not breaking the ban at all — [Reader] blurted out.

She high-fived her 'partner in crime'. They had always shared a clever way of dealing with life's awkward situations. Lately, it had come in handy more often than they would have liked.

The heat pouring from the sky was becoming more and more noticeable. She was glad to be walking on the side of the sidewalk where the trees sheltered her. On the right, JoJo was blocking the sun. With his height, he created a perfect shadow the entire way.

When they saw the store, they rushed towards it. There was a nice cool air conditioning coming from inside. For a moment they just stood and breathed in the beneficial, cold air.

— Who pays today? — Hirose asked the usual question.

The three of them turned their eyes towards Higashikata. It was his turn.

— I don't have money anymore. — He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment.

— You've just won the lottery! What did you spend that money on? — The short friend looked at him in disbelief.

— My mother froze my account until I was an adult — he sighed.

One million six hundred and sixty-six thousand and six hundred and sixty-six yen had been floating around in his head for two weeks. It was useless to follow Shigechi across half the city. When he finally got the check, Tomoko said she wouldn't let him spend that much money. So he said goodbye to the vision of luxury.

— Fortunately, my father can't take my money. — Nijimura laughed and went inside with Kōichi.

The building was tiny. Four people couldn't fit in it. Maybe that's why the prices are so low. It's also possible that the old man behind the counter simply didn't know much about business.

The girl leaned against the building. There was no one on the street. Most people were at work at this time. Tourists marched to the beach, and school students returned home.

A quiet footstep broke the undisturbed silence. She glanced at the direction it was coming from. A tiny dog ​​was running across the road. Luckily for it, there were no cars. It had a red collar that jingled softly with every step. The white chihuahua moved its paws as fast as it could.

It was only after a while that she noticed the owner chasing him. The breathless woman stopped in front of her. She recognized her as a distant neighbour. She was holding the leash. The hair on her head was already starting to turn gray. By wearing a pencil skirt and high boots, she doomed herself to failure. In such an outfit, she had no chance of catching the animal.

— Have you seen my dog? — she asked, then described his appearance.

JoJo nodded.

— It ran through here a moment ago. — He pointed in the direction.

— How did she get up so quickly? Where did he get so much strength from? — she muttered.

[Reader] exchanged a knowing look with Jōsuke. It wasn't right to leave her in need. There went the quiet afternoon.

— We might help you look for her? — she suggested.

— It would be great. Her name is Kiki. — She left her phone number and then ran away.

They had quite a run in the heat before them.

***

The girl sent��Butterfly ahead. Sometimes she wished she could, like her boyfriend, just punch the enemy. The group of butterflies was great for searching and tracking. However, it could not replace the brutal strength that even Star Platinum had at its disposal. The Joestar family always said that power is only as good as its user. Yet throwing a colourful insect at someone could only disgust them. The only advantage was the distance at which she could control the stand. Fifty meters usually happened with self-controlled entities.

When she finally managed to pick up the trail, she followed him with Higashikata. The other two separated fifteen minutes ago, hoping to find Kiki on the other side of the intersection. They didn't want to waste time. Especially since the whole thing smelled strongly of mysterious disappearances of animals from the area. They called Mr. Kūjō from a nearby payphone to let him know how things were going, and went deeper into the forest.

At first the route looked promising. The wide, beaten path through the trees looked familiar. Sometimes they went for walks here. However, the further they went, the more they had to stray from the well-traveled trail. The soft ground was covered with green needles and moss. The trees cast ominous shadows among the low bushes. They grew more and more densely. The couple stopped running. It became impossible. They responded to every sound of a breaking branch or slight breeze with readiness to attack.

That's why they lost the dog again. She must have gotten far enough away that the butterflies couldn't see her. They came back and started circling around the owner.

So they continued heading in the direction Kiki had been heading before. Morioh is a small town. They should be able to walk through the forest within an hour and come out on the other side. As long as they don't get lost.

— Did you hear that? — [Reader] stopped for the first time in a long time.

She sincerely hoped her ears weren't deceiving her. The rustling of the leaves seemed to increase.

JoJo didn't answer. Slowly and quietly he looked around. He summoned Crazy Diamond and waited.

Butterfly flew forward and stopped nearby. A boar was roaming under one of the spreading trees. For a moment it seemed to be looking for food. It snorted quietly and put its snout to the ground. But when it raised its fangs, it turned towards the travelers. It was as if it had been looking for them all along.

— Back away slowly — she whispered, trying to get out of the boar's way.

But it didn't help. A war cry announced a murderous charge. Several dozen kilograms rushed towards them.

Jōsuke spotted a tree with low-growing branches. Without thinking, he started climbing, aided by his stand. [Reader] wasn't doing that well. The bark tore her fingers until they bled. She mentally cursed her stupid uniform skirt. That's why she was doing so poorly. The boy grabbed her hand just in time. Just after she had safely grabbed onto the thick trunk, the boar hit the wood. Splinters fell. The world staggered slightly for a moment.

— Crazy Diamond!

A purple fist met a brown snout. One attack wasn't enough. Slightly stunned, the animal turned and charged again. Higashikata waited for it to run up and then rained down a barrage of blows on it. It was moments like these that he regretted that his range was only two meters. He had to go lower, risking a close encounter with the fangs.

The tired, battered boar finally gave up. With its tail between its legs, it limped as far away as he could.

— Do you think they are under protection?

— Is that really what you're worried about now? — [Reader] laughed in disbelief.

— I don't have money for a fine. — He rubbed his temple thoughtfully.

Suddenly something white flashed in the bushes.

— Over there! — she shouted, pointing in the direction.

She clumsily slid down the tree and ran towards where she saw movement. She stepped straight into the mud almost immediately. Or at least that's what she preferred to think. She didn't want to assume the worst. Brown, smelly goo stuck to the shoe. Wiping the nasty stuff in the letter didn't do much good. She cursed quietly under her breath.

At least she finally found it.

— There you are, Kiki. — She slowly extended her hand towards her.

The Chihuahua tentatively sniffed her fingers. She nuzzled her trustingly. Satisfied, she took her in her arms. JoJo shouted something but she didn't hear him. She immediately felt a terrible pain in her ear. Blood flooded her eye. Instinctively she reached out her hand towards it. The red liquid was flowing at an alarming rate. Only then did she realize that the dog had bitten her.

— You damn…— She didn't finish the sentence.

The little enemy attacked the ankle. She didn't look down. She was afraid that she would throw up her breakfast at the sight of flesh.

Jōsuke caught Kiki struggling and healed her wounds with Crazy Diamond. However, the momentary peace did not last long. They saw a man in strange fur. Immediately afterwards, a snake rushed towards the boy with stunning speed. He managed to catch it but the two deadly fangs left tiny red wounds. It hurt. He knew he didn't have much time. He squeezed the reptile tightly. The stand user had no choice. He separated himself and stood before them. Higashikata held him by the throat to be sure. Enough that he couldn't move. However, this caused the animal to slip away and crawl away into the trees.

— Don't hurt me! — the enemy squeaked thinly. — You need me. Only I ca-ca-can bring him back. Without the antidote, you'll die from the v-v-venom — he stammered.

JoJo frowned. He always did this when he was worried. This didn't happen often. But now he wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't heal himself. This was the biggest drawback to his power. He had to endure every injury like a normal person.

— We don't need you at all — [Reader] said in a firm voice. — You didn't notice but I chased you to the edge of the forest.

The opponent looked back in panic.

— I also sent butterflies to find Kūjō-san. He'll be here in a minute and it's only ten minutes to the hospital. We'll make it. — She smiled defiantly.

— It can't be... you mean you did it when I was a wild boar? — His eyes widened.

— I'm the one asking the questions here. Who are you? Did Kira's father send you here? — [Reader] stuck her finger into his chest.

— My name is Ka-Ka-Kameko Hiroto — he sobbed. — Yoshihiro-san said I can do whatever I want. He called me a coward because I refused to kill people. I was too a-a-afraid.

The girl looked at him more closely. She seemed to recognize him from somewhere. However, the brown hair, small blue eyes and plain face brought no answer. In Morioh you knew almost everyone, unless they were tourists. The coat attracted the most attention. It consisted of fur pieces. Brown, black, white and gray. Dotted and spotted. They created a strange composition. The longer she looked, the more she felt sick. This is where all the missing dogs from Morioh were. He wore them as hideous clothes.

Hiroto had loved 'One Hundred and One Dalmatians' since he was a child. Every evening, his mother took a worn-out book from the shelf. There were also many others on the bookcase but she read this one to him every day. Otherwise, he simply wouldn't fall asleep. He knew the words by heart. He could recite them at every moment. Any time of day and night.

When he grew up, he started breeding fur ferrets. He studied hard, so he was accepted as an employee in a well-known and respected company. All this to look like Cruella De Vil, his idol. He wanted to create his own coat. Even if it couldn't be with white and black dots. However, it turned out that it was not that simple. He only managed to steal one piece of leather. The business was looked after with the greatest caution. He was fired pretty quickly for financial losses and animal abuse.

Bitter and angry, he moved to Morioh. The small, quiet town was supposed to give him peace. Here, where no one knew him, he decided to forget about his dream. He blended in with the crowd, toiling at the grocery store around the corner. He also rented a tiny apartment and found a fiancée. So he lived a normal life. Until fate gave him a chance — a stand that allowed him to take on the role of animals and control them. Desire overshadowed reason.

— Mercy! — he howled.

Kameko felt salty drops running down his face. Snot was coming out of his nose. He couldn't even wipe it off. He felt terrible. Until now, he had managed to reconcile his passion with the life of an average person. He was so close to achieving his goal and finishing the outfit he dreamed of. He hated the two people in front of him. He sincerely hoped they would die. If not now, then later, at the hands of the city's best assassin.

For a moment he wanted to beg for mercy again. After all, even if that little shit was bluffing, they were almost out of the forest. They outnumbered him. The situation is terrible. But through his tears, he saw his chance. It was floating a few meters away. He could barely contain the smile that spread across his lips.

— Loosen your grip! I'm choking! — he wheezed as hard as he could.

He knew it would work. He met JoJo once in a store. He was actually a soft man. Not like his creepy uncle. The only problem with him was that he never allowed you to owe a yen. He found this type of customer particularly annoying. It wouldn't save them if he let go sometimes. Because of it, he had to go to other cashiers. The brat probably had plenty of money anyway. After all, he was constantly buying hair care lotions. All the sprays and gels must have been quite an expense. Hiroto always thought it made no sense. The customer looked strange. He was wasting money.

— Just no tricks! — the boy warned him.

Kameko reached out with his mind towards a butterfly flying alone. Fate favored him by giving him this opportunity.

— Wild Animal! — He recalled his stand. — Bye, losers! Higashikata, someone must have hit you over the head once because you're a gullible idiot with a crap haircut! — He felt like he was on cloud nine shouting it.

Although he knew that he would not avoid abandoning Morioh but it was better than death. He will start over, somewhere far away. He will fly towards the blue sky and that's all they will see.

To his surprise, however, nothing happened. He should feel connected to his animal. Meanwhile, he was still stuck in Crazy Diamond's iron grip.

The girl held out her hand. The insect calmly sat on it.

— I had a feeling you might want to do that. Did you really think I would let any animal stay around? — The swallowtail butterfly flapped its wings. — I separated that butterfly from the group and changed its species while you weren't looking. You cannot bond with it because it is not a living organism. — She snapped her fingers. — Jōsuke, tell him something.

She saw that he wanted this very much. The Joestar family never left an opponent without a word. She found it funny but she didn't question the habits.

They had to hurry. The venom was slowly taking its toll. Beads of sweat ran down the back of his neck. His legs were starting to tremble slightly.

— First of all, you disrespected my girlfriend. — He pointed an accusing finger at him. — Secondly, you insulted my hair. This is unforgivable!

Crazy Diamond with a joyful Dora dora dora plunged his fist into Hiroto's face. There were screams, protests and pleas for help. However, they were of no use. After damaging his hair, Higashikata became extremely irritable. Blood was shed. It looked like it wouldn't end with a few broken teeth and a terribly bruised cheek.

However, he was interrupted by a quiet but firm voice:

— Yare yare daze.

In front of him, wearing his favourite hat, stood Mr. Kūjō. As always, he handled the situation with stoic calm. He didn't look happy.

JoJo breathed a sigh of relief when he saw him. It's true that he has to explain why he and [Reader] are together, since classes have ended a long time ago. However, he will deal with this later. The snake deprived him of his strength. He was barely holding himself together. After all, he could leave everything in the hands of others. He pushed his opponent into a tree. His head was now inside the trunk and his back was sticking out. Immediately after that, his strength left him and he fell to the ground.

Okuyasu and Hirose were the last to arrive. They panicked when they saw their friend's condition. They offered to watch the bastard until the Speedwagon Foundation took him over. They had no doubt that the Star Platinum user would be better able to transport the patient to Budogaoka Hospital. They also called Kiki's owner.

[Reader] shuffled after the older man.

— Don't look at me like that. It's embarrassing — she muttered.

She still couldn't understand how he was so different from the boy he carried on his back. It was hard to read anything in his eyes. No emotions.

— Good job — he said quietly.

She smiled. You couldn't count on more from him.

— But will we still get the lecture? — she asked.

There was a slight chance that they would get away with it. She allowed herself to dream.

— Yare yare daze.

— So we're screwed. — Resigned, she left the forest.

She looked up. The sun was already setting on the horizon. Purple mixed with pink, orange and yellow. The colours painted a beautiful picture. The heat of the day slowly faded away. A light sea breeze blew invitingly. Tourists covered in sand were returning from the beach. They gave her curious glances but said nothing. But the neighbours picked her up faster than she would have liked to tend to her remaining wounds. She had to leave her boyfriend in the hands of her uncle. However, she had no doubt that they would soon be able to spend a quiet afternoon with their friends. She was going to get the ice cream on sale no matter what.

Still, it was a good day in a crazy, noisy, bizzare town.

***

Landmarks in Morioh:

No. 31 — Haunted Forest — Locals claim that dangerous animals live there. There is also a Tree Spirit roaming around there. Sometimes on hot summer afternoons you can hear his desperate screams and calls for help.

[princess-glassred]

Henry And Eddie Body Swap: Chapter one

The very first thing Eddie notices when he wakes up in the impermeable stench of B.O., sweat, and 30 year old juicy fruit gum. The second thing he notices is that he's in the back seat of a car he's never seen before, one he hadn't even seen when he walked into the Derry Townhouse and peaked at the parking lot.

He yawned, sounding distinctly hoarse, and groggily rubbed his eyes with a balled up fist.

Rays of that classic beautiful summer sun shot through the window above Eddie's head, the same warm sun he'd biked through woods and backroads with Bill and Richie when they were much younger men.

"Shit" Eddie thought "Where the are they anyways? Where the hell am I?" he looked around the beat up car, but it seemed to have no identifying information. The most he could glean from it was that, whoever drove this car had horrible taste in vehicles.

It looked like the kind of cheap 1980's car some gangster would snort lines of coke in, definetly not the kind of car Eddie would ever be caught dead in.

He leaned up and stretched, his back aching something fierce, even worse than it usually did with him being 40 and all.

He blinked a few times, finally snapping out of his sleepy daze, but unfortunately for Eddie, waking up more didn't answer any of his questions.

In a desperate need for something to focus on, his eyes eventually drifted down to his legs which were covered by a large greenish blue hoodie as if it were a blanket.

"Huh, some one must have put it on me when I passed out." he thought for a moment and smiled "Probably Bev." He laughed, then frowned at the unknown stains on the front of it "Couldn't she have gotten something a little cleaner though?".

He attempted to raise the hoodie up and off his legs but shrieked when he realized there was absolutely nothing underneath.

Well not nothing, he was wearing underwear, tidy whiteys to be exact, but he was still pantsless in the back of some strangers car, which was a predicament he hadn't been in since college (you'd NEVER hear that from him though).

Eddie shook his head as his cheeks flushed red with embarassment, then clumsily felt around for the car door handle.

He crawled out awkwardly like he was either drunk or had very limited coordination skills, nearly stumbling and falling down on his knees onto an unfortunately placed patch of mud.

He scanned his surroundings but found nothing familiar, he appeared to be off a backroad somewhere, far away from town and no doubt far away from the townhouse. He sniffed the air again, but the stench of old gum and sweat didn't disappear now that he was out of the car, so that definetly wasn't the problem.

He looked around a little more until his eyes locked onto the cars cracked drivers side view mirror.

There he was again, that Bowers asshole, no doubt back for more after his first failed attempt on Eddie's life.

He shrieked once again and fell backwards, actually landing in the mud patch this time, much to his disgust and dismay.

Suddenly, Bowers fell backwards too, and it was then Eddie realized how bizzarely deep his voice sounded now.

He looked around for Henry but still saw nothing, the only time he saw Henry was when he picked himself back up and Henry's reflection was once more inside the sideview mirror.

Eddie panted, "Get the hell away from-" a hand clapped itself over Eddie's mouth with a sudden gasp.

His voice wasn't just deep, his voice was familiar, disturbingly familiar.

So familiar it belonged to some one else, and it was no coincidence that Henry's reflection also clapped his hand over his mouth in shock.

In Eddie's mind this could mean only one thing, and Eddie really fucking hoped that he was wrong.

He raised his hand, and Henry followed perfectly, he stuck his tongue out and Henry did the same, heck, he even flipped himself off, and guess what? Henry still did it.

This wasn't Henry's reflection, this was EDDIE'S reflection, but it was HENRY'S face.

But he couldn't be Henry. He just couldn't. That wasn't possible. That was crazy. It couldn't be. Could it? There was only one way to be certain.

He took a deep breath and felt around the back of his head, fingers tracing down to the tips of his hair, which was much longer, thicker, and dirtier than before.

He grabbed the end of it, feeling clumps of tangles in the gross unkempt rat nest attached to his head.

Eddie let out a sudden jagged and shakey breath, as the horrible reality of the situation settled in.

"Oh my god..." Eddie mumbled, only growing more uneasy at the sound of his brand new voice "I have a mullet.".

Suddenly Eddie screamed like he'd just been knifed in the back and skittered to his feet, utterly terrified.

His eyes kept darting between the car side mirror, the ground and the wind sheilds, but every where he looked just drove him into more of a panic.

"This- this can't be happening!" Eddie shouted, but his distinct new voice solidified his fate, the very same voice that had called Eddie and many others slurs and condescending names all through out his childhood.

That was the fucking voice that was coming out of his mouth now, and Eddie still couldn't wrap his head around it.

He began to pant and heave like he was on the brink of an anxiety attack, patting at his clothing for his inhaler as if he expected it to be in Henry's clothes.

When he couldn't find an inhaler to calm his nerves he did the only thing he could think to do with his hands, start mindlessly pulling at his hair.

It wasn't like he could make it any worse, so why not start tearing out clumps? He'd look as horrible and ridiculous as he felt.

"Okay! Okay! Just calm down Eddie! Don't get too frazzled! The number one thing that always causes things to get worse is when they panic so just keep calm! You're okay! You're just- You're dreaming- no! hallucinating! You're hallucinating! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm hallucinating sights and smells and sounds and- oh god- What the hell is happening?!" Eddie buried his face in his hands and paced around the back road, in the midst of the worst panic attack of his life, utterly terrified and still pantsless.

He walked back over to the car and quickly found a pair of sweat pants Henry had been wearing the night before on the floor then put them on, a horribly difficult task for some one panicked out of their mind and in a body they weren't too familiar with.

As he put them back on he rambled under his breath various things that were supposed to be reassuring but just made Eddie more painfully aware of how nuts he sounded.

"It's the fucking clown, it's messing with me." He heaved "Yeah that's it, nothing to worry about, it's just a delusion brought on by a psycho killer clown with cosmic powers- that's way more reassuring and much more plausible-".

At this point Eddie was getting pretty sick of himself, but his panicked rambles just kept spewing out of him like a bunch of word vomit, in fact, he was pretty amazed he hadn't vomited already given the circumstance.

Henry's body was so different from his, his thighs were thicker, his arms were bulkier, his stomache had a bit more flab, and over all his body was just not very well taken care of, as opposed to Eddie who'd been paranoid about a variety of illnesses and health risks all his life and tried to take care of himself the best he could.

Henry likely did not have such an oppertunity, living in an asylum for the past twenty seven years and all, hopped up on meds that likely caused his weight to fluctuate like crazy.

It was then, in that moment, a disgusting revelation hit Eddie like a truck, and he realized that that awful smell had been coming from his new body all along, and this realization was enough to make Eddie gag on the spot.

"Jesus fucking christ Henry, don't they let you bathe in Juniper Hills? What the fuck." He complained, disgusted and totally embarrassed.

He grabbed the hoodie that was on his lap when he woke up and put it on, figuring he'd REALLY prefer to show as little of his body as possible right now, then got out of the car once again.

"Okay, okay- this is- absolutely fucking nuts- but as long as I keep cool i'll be fine... right?" He mumbled to himself, the unease in his chest finally dissipating a little.

He shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets and walked for what seemed like forever into town, already forgetting the exact directions to the Derry townhouse, despite living in this stupid shithole town for years and even running past that building on multiple occaisions as the asshole owner of the body he was in chased him down with a knife.

He was just kinda winging it, hoping he might find a way to get past the overwhelming embarrassment he was feeling at the moment and work up the nerve to ask the first person he saw for directions.

Unfortunately for Eddie, the first people he saw didn't look particularly helpful, and in fact looked like the kinda people Henry might have hung out with had he been born in the 2000's instead of '74.

They were a couple teenage junkies, wearing shitty band t-shirts with even shittier bands on them that Eddie was a little too old to know about and passing joints around.

Feeling a little bit intimidated by the teens raw "I don't give a fuck" attitude, he nervously swallowed but pressed on.

"Uhm- Excuse me." Said Eddie, a little tense, drawing the annoyed attentions of the teenage smokers.

"The hell do you want?" Asked the leader, a very rude lookin teenage girl with blue hair, a beanie, and about 20 piercings on her face and body.

Eddie awkwardly put his hands together and smiled, painfully aware of how terrible he was at talking to children, heck, even as a kid he could hardly talk to other kids, that's probably why he and Myra never had some of their own, even though Myra wanted one really freakin bad.

"Hey uh- sorry to bother you're... important business- but can I ask you all question? It'll just take a second." He spat out, trying and failing to sound casual.

The girl groaned as her friends rolled their eyes "No you geezer, you can't bum a smoke.".

Her friends mumbled and groaned in agreement, embarrassing and offending him a tiny bit.

Eddie scoffed in disbelief "Believe me, that's not my thing. I'm just... having an issue and I need some uhm-... input?".

The girl raised an eyebrow, then looked at her friends and shrugged "Fine old man, ask away.".

Eddie cringed a bit at being referred to as "old man" but continued with his question anyways "Do you-" he paused, he wanted to ask if they knew how to get to the Derry Townhouse but something else was troubling him, although he had nearly accepted this horrible scenario surprisingly quickly, a part of him still wasn't so sure he wasn't experiencing some weird ass break down or mental episode.

So instead of asking for directions, Eddie asked "Do i look... sensible?", baffling the teens that stood before him.

"What?" Asked the leader, admittedly caught off gaurd and highly confused by the question.

Eddie nervously laughed "You know, like, average height, clean hair cut, looks like a risk analyst because he is one? Sensible.".

The teen girl looked at him incredulously and scoffed "You're such a liar, you're high as fuck right now." she laughed.

Eddie waved his hands around and shook his head "No no no- i'm not on drugs, i've never even smoked before. Trust me.".

One of the girls friends, an emo lookin boy sacrastically leaning against a dumpster, decided to finally chime in with his own opinion.

"Dude, you look like a washed up 80's rockstar that had to quit his band cause of his meth addiction." He joked, looking Eddie up and down with the most judgey ass expression he'd ever seen.

Another one of the girls friends also decided to speak up, and she was not any nicer in her assesment of Eddie and the new body he'd been forced into.

"Seriously man, who the fuck still wears a mullet? It's 2016, cut that shit off. You look like a pervert." she insulted, making Eddie exhale out his nose.

"I know right! Like how tacky can you be!?" Eddie grinned, then stopped when he realized how that comment didn't make any sense now that he was the one with the crappy hair do.

He forced out an awkward laugh "I mean... to my barber.... because this is my hair, not some one else's, and I could totally cut it off anytime I wanted to." he smiled.

The teens exchanged weirded out glances for a second then looked back at Eddie as if they were all thinking the same thing.

"Dude, you are so smacked." The goth boy said, looking especially annoyed.

Eddie nervously laughed again, tensing his shoulders and awkwardly twitching his fingers "Yeah, guess I am! well, I best be on my way now! Just one more thing though, you kids wouldn't happen to have directions to the derry townhouse would you?".

The teens remained perfectly quiet at that, their bored and annoyed expressions already giving Eddie the answer to his question before he even asked.

He chuckled, cringing a bit "No I don't suppose you would- guess i'll just be going then." He turned around and started walking away dejectedly, murmurs of the pot smoking teens asking "what the fuck was that guys problem" and "who was he?" fading behind him the farther he got from them.

He plopped down on a random bench and leaned over, resting his hands on his knees.

His heart was pounding like it wanted to make a grand escape, and Eddie felt the horrible urge to jump out of his skin, or rather, Henry's.

He hung his head low and took deep breaths, closing his eyes to try and calm himself.

This whole situation still felt unreal, like some cliche plot you'd see on a Tv show that ran for too many seasons, but evidently it was real and there was no way to deny it.

He looked down at his own hands front to back, whimpering at the sight of the callouses Henry had from years of doing strenous chores for his dad and getting into all kinds of trouble.

Just then, Eddie noticed something strange, somehow even stranger than the fact he was stuck as Henry Bowers right now.

There was a scar on Henry's right hand, exactly like the one on Eddie's right hand from when they had all defeated the clown the first time around and made their blood oath to come back.

So either that meant A. Henry got the exact same scar on his hand at some point or B. Eddie's body scars somehow transferred to Henry.

He felt around "his" face and after getting past Henry's stupid stubble, noticed a cut on his face, exactly where Henry had stabbed him in the cheek the night before.

He glanced around, checking to see if anyone might see what he was about to do, but thankfully almost nobody was out on the street this early, and anyone who normally would be was at work.

He took a deep yet very uneasy breath "God, this is gonna be so weird, but I gotta check-" he winced.

With shakey and already kinda grossed out hands, he rolled up the shirt he had woken up in over Henry's flabby beer belly to search for another scar to prove his theory.

Low and behold, there it was, the large scar he had gotten when he was fifteen and had to get his appendix removed cause it was infected.

"Great, well I'm just gonna give up and assume nothing today is gonna make sense." he complained, rolling his shirt back down as crowds of people began to come out of shops and head downtown.

He stood up with a grunt and groaned at the predicament he found himself in, with out much else to do at this point Eddie just started walking in a random direction in hopes he might find the town house on his own.

The people around him side stepped and avoided him like he had the plauge, and a few even gave him weirded out and concerned looks that wounded what small shreds of his ego he had left.

Maybe they thought Eddie wasn't paying attention to his surroundings so they could judge him as much as they wanted with out him noticing, but Eddie did notice, and it hurt him quite a bit.

He'd never been looked at with such disgust before, and it made Eddie just wanna turn around and yell out "Hey man! I didn't choose this body! Don't blame me!" but of course, that'd be crazy and wouldn't really do him any favors.

He walked on, pulling his hood up and stuffing his hands into the pockets with a grumble, "This is probably the most embarrassing moment of my life." Eddie thought "The only good part about this is nobody knows it's me." but that second thought didn't sit quite well with Eddie, and suddenly he stopped walking, a surge of panic striking him like lightning.

"Wait- that's not a good thing at all, that makes this so much worse. How the hell is anyone supposed to recognize me when I look like this, fuck, what the fuck is bill gonna think? Or Richie? God, if Richie finds out about this i'll never live it down. If he believes me at all, they'll probably just think i'm-" Eddie looked down at himself and begin to hyperventilate again.

He wasn't sure what was more terrifying, the idea of anyone seeing him like this and knowing who he was, or nobody knowing who he was at all, both sounded absolutely mortifying though.

In his panic Eddie began to stumble around till his back was against the Derry electronics shop window.

He heaved, feeling his own throat start to choke him with every new Bowers sounding grunt and sigh, like a knife twisting deeper into your chest.

He raised his hands to his ears and pressed hard on them, wanting so desperately to be anywhere but here.

Luckily, a kind woman pushing her infant down the street in stroller stopped to take notice of the panicing fourty year old and tried to help.

"Sir, are you alright?" She asked, sympathetically putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie forced out a panicked laugh, but her touch did seem to sooth him a little.

"I'm- okay- i'm okay- I just need-" he turned his head to look at her and suddenly she screamed, covering her face with her hands and staggering back a little, much like Eddie had done a moment ago.

He blinked in confusion, a little stunned by her horrified reaction.

I mean yeah, Henry wasn't the most attrative guy, but it wasn't like he was a mirror cracker or anything, so this was a bit of an over reaction.

Then, more people began to stop and react in similar ways, their faces turning from run of the mill judgemental looks into terrified and downright fearful stares.

He turned his head in every direction to see what had happened to make everyone so scared all of a sudden, but there was no mistake to be made, everyone was looking at him and he just couldn't fathom why.

That was until Eddie looked behind him and got a glance at the shop windows display tvs, which all were blasting the exact same news coverage all at once.

Footage of men walking through a large hospital of some kind and carrying two bodies out on a stretcher played on loop, with large text scrolling on the bottom declaring "Deranged lunatic escapes mental hospital and kills two men, suspect still at large.".

Then, the screens flashed blinding white as a piece of paper with a police sketch was thrown up on the screen, a police sketch that was so realistic Eddie might as well have been looking in another mirror.

The scrolling text at the bottom turned into a large flashing warning, declaring that if any were to come in contact with this man you should do your best to run, hide, and contact the police immediately.

Eddie spun right around to look at the crowd again, who were now all backing slowly away from him in horror, even the woman who had put a kind hand on his shoulder was backing away with her baby like Eddie might run up and stab her right now.

He swallowed, the dread from before the woman asked if he was okay swinging back with a fiery vengance.

"Uhm- uh- uhhh-" Eddie stammered like he was attempting to make enough noises they might string together into a semi coherent sentence to get him out of this mess.

It didn't matter what he said right now though, nothing could undo the fucked up situation Henry had forced Eddie into, he'd honestly be better off just crying in a ball on the floor at this point.

Now the crowd was parting, parting to make way for some one specific to come and deal with their little "problem".

A police officer with aviator sunglasses and a patchy beard stepped forward, looking so reminiscent of Henrys dad Eddie might have laughed at the irony had he not been in such a terrifying situation.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" said the officer, putting his thumbs in his pockets and smacking his lips as he chewed on what was either dip or gum.

"Another nut job thinkin he can escape Maine justice?" He continued, and at this point Eddie was wishing he could spontaneously go blind and deaf so he didn't have to see or look at his new reality anymore.

The cop squinted and reached for his gun, seeming almost excited at the prospect he might get to shoot a maniac today, "Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way son." he grinned.

"I- uh- uhm-" Eddie stammered some more, and then, upon the realization he had basically no other option left, booked it the hell out of there.

He ran faster than he had ever ran in his life in that moment, the adrenaline and his pure fight or flight instinct made his urge to get out so strong it overpowered Henry's weak ass legs and Eddie's lack of atheletic expertise.

The crowd scrambled away from him as he ran, partly because they were afraid he was running towards THEM and partly because the cop started firing off shots willy nilly at Eddie's escape.

Everyone was in hysterics, but for Eddie that actually was quite helpful, as the cop and any other cop could hardly find him amongst the hoarde of terrified townspeople, especially not with him zig zagging through couples and families like there was no tomorrow.

He just kept on running and running, never once looking back to check on who was behind him or how far away he'd gotten, he just bolted until the adrenaline finally stopped pumping and his legs gave out.

He collapsed down on some gravel with a loud crunch and a wheeze, thankfully far away from any people who could stop and scream at him some more.

Eddie was lost now, in more ways than one, and it was all so awful he considered just laying there all day until he died of dehydration.

At least now that he was looking at the cold blue sky he could get his brain in order, with no cops shooting at him or passerbys to judge.

He could just think, and let his mind roll on with the clouds, although he still had no actual ideas on what to do about this.

He thought for a little, drawing blanks until his mind landed back on thoughts of his friends and what they could possibly be doing now.

And that's when Eddie realized something even worse than the fact he looked like Henry and nobody could recognize him, something much more serious and a hell of a lot more dangerous.

"If i'm in Henry's body and nobody knows it's me then- that means Henry-" Eddie stopped, not wanting to finish his own awful thought.

"Oh god-" Eddie wheezed out, "No- don't be ridiculous- that's impossible. That's not happening." he muttered to himself.

"Besides, even if it was, they'd know it wasn't me. They'd know he was acting different. Bill would know, Richie would definetly know. Right?" but no matter how much he tried to reassure himself, he couldn't believe it.

"Maybe- maybe we'll get lucky and the clown will kill him thinking it's me." he joked, but it wasn't really a joke, it was a sincere hope, because the only thing worse than never getting his body back, would be never getting his body back because Henry's fuckin living in it.

[notthestarwar]

gold teeth and a taste for this town sounds fascinating O.O

ahhhh ok so I kind of love this. it's entirely self indulgent and I had a great time writing the first 3000 words and then realised that i'd set myself up with a mammoth task if I were ever going to manage to explain the backstory enough so that anyone but me understood what the hell was happening.

so the story is set in this kind of small dead-end, americana esque town. one day a stranger rolls in to town and wanders in to the restaurant Fox works in. And it's like he's wandered in to the wrong story, he's walked straight out of a space opera and now he's sitting in front of Fox, like thats a thing that happens. never left this small town and thinks he probably never will: fox.

and then! maul has the cheek to start quizzing Fox, and acting like Fox is out of place. As far as Maul is concerned, he's landed on some dead end planet, walked in to an even deader town, and found a clone. Maybe the last clone. And this clone, is acting like he belongs here, like he has no idea who Maul is, like he's never known war, like he's never known anything but this place.

it's so bizzare that it shakes maul out of his usual, stab first, ask questions later attitude. he arrived on this planet a bit lost, there isnt really anything left for him. his ex master took over the galaxy, and he didnt need maul to do it. maul has tried his hand at leadership, at crime. but whats the point. but then. he stumbled upon this mystery, and against all reason it just, compells him.

so maul asks some more questions and it becomes apparent that fox woke up here with no memory, assumed he belonged, and everyone in this town felt so fucking awful for him (they're out of the way but news of the war reached them. news of the clones seemingly fizzling out after the empire, supposedly all gone). they just... didnt correct his assumption. and based on like. books he's read and the gossip he hears from the locals about each other, fox has just pieced together that he's this small town boy, who's never left. of course it doesnt QUITE feel right, fox shouldnt believe it, but he wants to.

he's a clever man and he can see the way the townspeople look at him, he sees them treating him gently and he thinks, he knows, that something really bad must have led to him losing his memory. of course he assumes its something bad of the level that might happen in a town like this. he lost his family? were they murdered? was it an illness? whatever it is, nobody speaks of them (because they were never in this town!!!) so it must have been bad.

and maul just keeps following him round trying to unravel this mystery and the companionship ends up doing something to him. maybe its a mixture of the hopelessness and boredom that brought him to this place, as well as the companionship. but either way, maul begins to connect with fox, even though fox hasnt the slightest clue who he is, and through this, Maul slowly begins to deal with his own shit. through fox, he can see what palpatine did to people. through fox, he can see it wasnt right, that fox didnt deserve it. and that eventually will lead to him realising that the same thing might apply to him as well.

and a maul without that first wound (once it begins to heal), wouldnt really be the maul we know from canon. where is his motivation to keep killing, to keep everyone away? he's still maul about it. he's still a dick and he's sharp and mean. but he isnt on a rampage anymore.

and thats the story. its a small town, slow story about two men who never really felt like they needed friends, becoming friends. its about these 2 victims of palpatine, finding solace in each other because they both went through the same thing, even though one of them has no idea. its a weird one, but I love it. i'll probably never post it tbh cause its kind of confusing i guess? but its like my ugly child lol i still love it.

its still in first draft format as i never intended to share it, but heres some of it.

thank you for asking!

[exoticalmonde]

Girlies, Buoys and other friendlies, guess who is back on the Genshin phone experience because I just couldn't stand being unable to play anymore. It's been a year and a half since my pc refused to play the game and 6 months since I decided Honkai SR would be better. I can't. I need Neuvillette. I need to have him in my hands and squish him and kiss him. All the underwater things I find and kill are yours, please just come home Chief Justice.

BABAAAA LOOK AT THEM OOOO SO CHONKY little blub blub babo I adore you with all my heart.

My pride and joy every big patch is to collect all the books that I can. When will I read them? Who knows, honestly. I had so much fun reading 'The Fox and the Sea of Dandelions', so I really want to know about the Fontaine fables. I'm going in so blind you can call me Mrs. Echolocation.

Is this good?

I got the entire set with simmilar stuff. Suppose whoever needs them is gonna be lucky.

I'm also missing so much food aaa

Only 450 egg rolls. We need to get them to 700 again.

Uh... SIR? I mean, yeah I just came to your town and it all looks posh and pretty and people are well-dressed and all your food has sugar in it for whatever reason. As a person who enjoys being salty you're surprisingly inefficient in using it.

I ADORE ADORE THE COPELIUS AND COPELLIA DANCERS SO MUCH THANK YOU HOYOVERSE FOR MAKING THEM DANCE WITHOUT INTERRUPTION BECAUSE THAT IS THE COOLECT BOSS EVER IN MY LIFE THANK

---

After that brief intervention of me staring at them for 20 minutes and chasing them with my screen in the middle of the stage, we're back to looking for stuff.

I want to craft the weapons for Fontaine, I heard they're pretty cool.

I'm going to cry.

OI, OI what am I getting myself into. Quick, Paimon, lie about something I'm sure you have learned over the years on how to make u-

P... Pumpkin..... Protocol....

IS IT CHIEF JUSTICE DID HE BUY YOUR PAINTINGS BECAUSE HE LOVES THEM YOU CUTE CUTE PRETTY THING OH NO I NEED TO HUG YOU

Melusines are so much better than the Aranara, I'm sorry. Also so much more expressive in their animation. It's a little like I'm watching muppets. That's the thought that was in my head earlier at least, alas... They're too sweet to call anything but sea angels.

Neuvillette you've outdone yourself.

Uh... Paimon, let's go somewhere else. I think he needs time alone.

I have so many questions, so many things I want to do. I want to pull out Kaveh but Chongyun is so helpful. I need an electro character but I've been collecting the water flowers on the surface and they need a Hydro character. Neuvillette come home.

Also, I didnt expect the rumoyrs to be true but it seems that all Fontaine characters do the dolphin jump INCLUDING traveller when they're Hydro oriented. Very bizzare, like they learned to swim perfectly out of no where.

The anxiety of setting foot in water ever time is going to eat me alive until I forget this is only in Fontaine and I run 0 energy into a body of water deeper than my ankles and freaking die in Inazuma.

[aito-mation]

forgive me if the question was rhetorical, but in totk link doesn't have to dress up as a girl to get in gerudo town anymore. i dont think the gerudo that sells you the girl outfit is seen in the game this time? not to my knowledge, anyways. link is recognised in gerudo town as the dude who saved everyone and is a close friend of riju's, and so is the only man allowed in. i haven't even seen the girl outfit in totk, but maybe thats just me, so take it with a pinch of salt

unfortunately though, there is a larger presence of creeps trying to get in? theres a guise of "haha we're just trying to do business with them!" thats obviously fake, but im not quite sure what their intentions are but its just a bit uncomfortable to include tbh. one is seen actually inside gerudo town, sneaking around and afraid of getting caught.

the slightly good news is that theres a pretty feminine outfit link can wear without any of the bizzare implications or orientalism. its just a cute outfit with a nice status boost (to my understanding) & theres a larger presence of darker skinned/black coded hylians that aren't exoticised like the gerudo are. bare minimum but i guess we can take what we're given

i really wish that nintendo would be normal about the gerudo and stuff (even giving the other races a little big of language so the gerudo dont seem so Other when they say voe/vai/savaaq etc) but alas, baby steps i guess

the question wasnt rhetorical i have seen one single person on twitter bring up that the orientalist outfit was removed, but they didnt comment on the gerudo’s depiction at all n i saw no other mention of it anywhere, thank u for sending this.

it doesnt sound like they actually fixed the transphobia tho, bc theyre still doing a “girls only” “only guy allowed” cisnormative type shit. “creepy guys” “dressing like women” to access “women’s spaces” is transphobic Period. doesnt matter what the in-universe lore is yknow ?? the real world anti-trans rhetoric rn is at an all time high, its unconscionable to include anything like that.

like doesnt anyone else remember how they intentionally made link androgynous in oot ?? hes not a “strong hero guy” archetype, but a lot of my problem w that is based in the fandom n is a whole other post. idc if link has a “feminine” outfit option bc that just gives the fans i was criticizing the opportunity to further sexualize him. literally the tweet i mentioned, that said they removed the orientalist outfit, comments on links “sexy” outfit he can wear instead. GAG !

also the idea of “baby steps” is for individual people, not international megacorporations bringing in 12 BILLION dollars a year. you Dont need to “take what u can get” u need to not buy games from a demonstratably racist company, and clearly say that the reason is bc they keep including racism in their games. japan as a country needs to address the racism rampant in their media more, n the media companies-especially when they go international-need to recognize the need for awareness. how dare they b antiblack in games they r selling to black people ! how dare they b colorist in games they r marketing in brown ass countries. n its not like black n brown ppl dont live in japan, bc they do n they experience racism constantly ! japan likes to try and separate itself from the rest of asia n in doing so reinforces existing stereotypes about other asians, particularly southwest asians n other asians who tend to have darker skin. japan has a huge colorism problem n that cant b ignored w any of nintendo’s games bc they always put it front n fucking center. the new pokemon games were racist, the fucking kirby game was racist !! nintendo Cannot get a nostalgia pass anymore. theyre not ur friend, n theyre certainly not mine.

tears of the kingdom made 10 million dollars in three days. nintendo is not hurting bc people r rightfully pointing out that they Have to do better. but theyve been actively getting worse, not just in what they put in their games, but in the way they openly mistreat their staff. not to mention putting gary bowser in indentured servitude for having the audacity to try and preserve game history w emulation. nintendo execs have gone on the record saying they dont care if games get wiped off the face of the earth, lost to history. the consumers have to put in the work bc nintendo Will Not.

[icecoffee90]

Tag game - Get to Know You

Thank you for tagging me, @jerzwriter!

Alright, here I go with TMI about me nobody asked for! Sorry in advance! lol

Are you named after someone?

Not that I know of. Apparently my grandma wanted my parents to name me after her (Růžena), but thankfully they didn’t listen, lol. Not that it’s a bad name!

When was the last time you cried?

I don’t even remember. I almost never cry.. Usually only cry when I’m watching something (or listening to a song) where a beloved character or an animal dies.. Though I guess every few years the bottled up emotions overflow and anything can trigger the waterworks.. But I’m pretty sure the last time I cried was because of a TV show, but I really don’t remember which one it was and when (especially since I didn’t have much time to watch anything lately, lol)

Do you have kids?

No. I’m a two time aunt, that’s more than enough, lol.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Probably too much sometimes, lol

What colour are your eyes?

I always said Blue and green, but I think they’re mainly gray.

Scary Movies or happy endings?

I rarely watch scary movies (as in slashers)... I mean, if they’re on TV, I leave them on as a background noise.. But if we count movies like Sleepy Hollow, Interview with the Vampire etc as scary movies, then I would probably pick those.. But I prefer a happy ending in everything I watch!

Any special talents?

None that I know of. Other than maybe annoying people around me, lol.

Where were you born?

In a hospital in the town nearest to my hometown. Funny story about that (at least it’s funny to me, lol): The town I live in doesn’t have a hospital, so everyone from here was born in that nearest hospital, so I never thought ynthing of it.. Only to find out YEARS later that my parents only moved here when I was 6 months old! That my mom just happened to be in this town at her mother-in-law’s at that moment!

What are your hobbies?

Reading, watching TV shows and sports (tennis, snooker, ice hockey), foreign languages..

Do you have any pets?

I have a dog. But he lives at my mom’s so I don’t get to see him as often anymore..

What sports do you/have you played?

Edit: I left Elsa's anwer here by mistake! Sorry! 🤦‍♀️😅 So here's my answer..

I used to play tennis as a kid (because my sister attented a lesson, so I wanted to do it too), according to my mother I sucked.. But in my mother's eyes I suck at everything, so who knows, lol.

How tall are you?

I’m tiny. 157, 5 cm.. I’m not googling in the feet and inches again.. it was under 5 ft 2 in, i believe, lol

Favorite subject in school?

I always liked Czech (just the grammar though) and chemistry later on. Also back in 2007 when I was 16 and obsessed with German bands (yeah, yeah, yeah, mainly Tokio Hotel, I admit it! lol. But also Nevada Tan/Panik!, Cinema Bizzare and Killerpilze), I put extra effort into the German classes, lol. BECAUSE I saw a Tokio Hotel interview (or maybe it was just the twins? doesn’t matter, lol) and I was just thinking “Man, I’ve been learning German since the 3rd grade and I barely understand 3 sentences.. This is fucking embarrassing! I need to do something about that!” and (mainly thanks to German fanfic writers, lol) I was speaking fluently in no time! I really need to brush up on it agin, hopefully it’s still in there somewhere..

Great, now I’ve listened to “Ich bin nicht ich” at least 30 times over the past two days.. And 20 times to “Totgeliebt”.. HELP ME!!

Still love it, though.. And I must still have that DVD (and CD) somewhere, lmfao..

And since I’m off the topic anyway (I’M SORRY, but I did warn you, lol), can I just say that I still find it funny that my teen crush is now married to Heidi Klum? Who would have thought almost 16 years ago, lol? Shit, where did all that time go? 😭

Dream job?

Hmm, if I had unlimited supply of money amd could have done anything I wamted to, I would wanna try translating - combing reading and use of foreign languages.. I think that would be great!

Alright, that was fun! Sorry everyone who read my dumb answers, lol

Who else might wanna do this? I’m gonna tag @she-x-wolf​ (feel free to ignore, of course!)

[potatosimstuff]

What it’s like for a somewhat normal family to move into my Sims’ town? Part 2

Phil: "I have to say, *phew* you are the strongest person I've ever trained." Garrett: "*phew* You think so?"

Phil: "*phew* You're the only one who could lift this heavy on your very first session." Garrett: "Oh, *phew* you mean other people where you're from couldn't do that?" Phil: "Nope, which makes me wonder why you did ask me to train you at the end, *phew* you really don't need my help." Garrett: "*phew* Been eating too much, I cook for a living and cook at home as well." Phil: "If you say so. Oh well, you can put down the dumbbells for now."

Phil: "I still want to apologize for 3 days ago, I was overreacting. In all my life I've never seen people as big and muscular as you and your family are." Garrett: "No, it's fine. I understand the reaction. My husband is still a little angry with you but just give it time." Phil: "I hope I get to make amends with him too." Garrett: "I'm sure you will."

Phil: "I see you do have a treadmill, have you not been using it at all?" Garrett: "I bought it years ago but I've never had the time or the energy to actually use it. I usually spend my days off outside."

*RING RING* Phil: "Ah, it's my wife. Excuse me, I got to take this." Garrett: "No problem."

Phil: "Hi Sweetie, how is your first day at the new hospital?" Carrie: "Babe, this place is bizzare, there aren't many patients here cause the town's population is quite healthy." Phil: "I'm not surprised, I don't know how but this town seems to be blessed with amazing genes."

Carrie: "I've never had this much free time working at a hospital, which is probably for the best because... you know..." Phil: "Yeah, I'm still so happy about this." Carrie: "So am I..." *BEEP BEEP* Carrie: Oh I've just been paged, just as I was talking about free time. Talk to you later, love you!" Phil: "Love you too!"

Garrett: "Aww, young love." Phil: "It's more than that."

Phil: "I guess you're the closest person I have for a friend in this town, so it wouldn't hurt telling you..." Garrett: "Telling me what?" Phil: "The actual reason we moved to this town, is because Carrie is pregnant." Garrett: "Are you serious?!" Phil: "I am."

Garrett: "CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you two!" Phil: "Thanks- Ow you guys sure love giving big hugs around here..."

Garrett: "Oh right. Sorry, I forgot you're not a fan of those." Phil: "It's fine, you can put me down now though.”

Garrett: "So when's the due date?" Phil: "We've only known for a month, so 8 months from now."

Phil: "Just make sure you don't tell anyone, even Carrie, that you know."

Garrett: "Your secret is safe with me."

Notes: I didn’t initially plan to make a continuation but after @timofsimland​ ‘s suggestion I thought, why not. And yes, I promise this story is going somewhere, don’t worry. ;)

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙-𝕌𝕡 ♡

My.. my bisexual brother wants a matchup too. For KNB, Haikyuu, Jibaku Shounen Hanako San. But then he’s too shy to use his tumblr account, like gosh do I have to do all the work?! Thank you for putting up with my dumb brother, he will do the typing below;

Uh um hello. Okay I can’t do this. And wow, talking smack about me again sister? Loove you so muchhh

I’m average height I guess, somewhere around 5’6-8. (Haha short sister.) Black hair, glasses, bangs (ppl think I’m Korean.) You can call me oikawa 2.0, because I’m trash, but I’m lovable trash. Don’t worry, I’m also clingy, and stupid and—. I don’t talk much, except for rare sarcasm and I basically stay glued to my computer play games 24/7. I’m the youngest, and I like taking advantage of that (yes I get what I want or else I’ll annoy the hell out of you and nag you about it.) I don’t think it’s to that far though, it’s mainly for her to grab stuff like yogurt for me or something because she’s closer. I deliberately make my sister lose braincells >:3

Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure is best anime, and even though I love Suga, Bruno Buccarati is best mom and better. I will fight you. (I have a bad temper lmao, but it’s getting better.) Still remember that one time I did jojo poses with my sister to intimidate the other team we were playing against (haha) I took a pic of my friend doing the Naruto run and his face is just pure gold. It’s blackmail material now HAHA.

I feel like I took all the luck my sister didn’t have (like I have so much friends 😎) But I play video games a lot and I like sports too (kinda) I feel bad for her, since I took all our family’s attention when I was younger. I’m pretty nice and I like anime, making jokes, playing video games.

Lol sorry for doing this so late at night.

»»————-　♡　————-««

@kamitaxey​ OH MY GOD I’M CRYING THE BOTH OF YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE AHNFWAEHNOG;AIH Admit T and I are legit quaking at how adorable y’all are like what even– omg

I’m adopting you both ahngoaiewhgoia <3 Also YES BRUNO BEST MAMA fucking love that man oml (almost more than I love Josuke sSKSKSK)

Anywho, I really hope you enjoy the matchups I give you bb~!! (Also don’t worry about sending stuff late sksksk one of us will be awake to do it~ uwu)

» » Admin Ko

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔽𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕘…

𝕂𝕒𝕫𝕦𝕟𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕠

Alright where do I even start? This cheeky boy will be all over you! He definitely is the type to playfully tease and cling just as much as you do! He’s a sucker for affection, but loves to tease you about it! If he can, he’ll use his height against you! (even if it is just an inch or two) If you’re shorter than him, he’s gonna take advantage of it! His cheeky grin will be on his face practically all the time, and he definitely loves to steal kisses from you! Especially if you’re in the middle of a match or an intensive game!

Alright hear me out, he may tease and be a cheeky little bastard to you, but the moment you became sarcastic and deal your own sorta blow to him? He loses his mind. Cheeks flushed and brain short circuiting. He should be used to it since he’s friends with Midorima– but to hear it coming from you? He has no idea how to compute that information into his head.

Despite teasing you and being a little jerk (your jerk) he loves you 100%! He would definitely be the type to either join in and learn how to play some games with you, or just hug you from behind and watch you play like that!

Any anime watching is always accompanied by cuddle sessions and quick secret kisses being stolen here and there!

Other then that, he loves you for who you are!

𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕞𝕒 𝕂𝕠𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕖

Okay– so this one was probably kinda expected– but like video games? Ya both would kill it. Unmatched duo in the online gaming community! Literally you both would start a youtube channel of just gaming and reactions together and everyone would honestly love it! 

Even though Kenma isn’t very fond of affection or touching, he makes an exception for you. Because the one time you slumped over him and snuggled him to recharge, he found himself leaning into your touch and melting in your hold. Thus he actively seeks you out to recharge his own batteries if he has to deal with Kuroo and his dumbassry again or even dealing with Lev and his terrible volleyball basics. (Thankfully the kid has gotten better)

He prefers at home dates since you both can play as many video games as you want as well as watch anime together, but on occasion will drag you out for a simple stroll through the town for some fresh air because Kuroo will no doubt try to drag the both of you out by your legs kicking.

Definitely likes to hold your hand while you guys are out and about and will take pictures with you (aka meme worthy photos)

𝔸𝕜𝕒𝕟𝕖 𝔸𝕠𝕚

Precious smol soft baby who absolutely adores you! Despite being the school’s idol she has her own cute little quirks! Surprisingly enough I feel as though she would be the type to enjoy horror games and thriller genre anime! Definitely would like to see if the thriller anime accurately tells stories she already knows or if there’s a twist to it!

Doesn’t mind being indoors that much, but will definitely be the good in your life to take you outside and get you some vitamin D!! She’ll even tell you about the latest school rumor or folk lore she learned while you guys are on a walk! 

Definitely enjoys cuddling up to you whenever you guys binge or watch anime together. Whenever you guys are out, she would most likely be the one to link your pinkys together as you guys explore the various little shops.

Other then that, she thinks the funny poses and things you do are memorable and adorable! Will definitely help take pictures to keep as memes– just don’t expect her to do it herself. If anything she’ll enlist the help of her friends to recreate any funny anime photos~!

[mars-the-4th-planet]

The Quantum Virus - Final Victory

Chapter One

Four andalites, with two missions. One sort of secret, the other extremely secret. Two did not even know about the extremely secret one, but what are you gonna do?

Yup, it's me, Marco. I am probably the last person who should be telling you how this all went down but I might as well include my perspective right? After all I don't want to be remembered in the history books as the monkey boy who didn't have anything to do or say.

And yes, future bored kids reading textbooks will call me monkey boy. You can't convince me they won't.

Anyway, the andalites showed up. At first we were all like "oh ---- yeah, we're saved" cause we thought they were here to actually save our butts right? Wrong. This was a one-way mission to take out the head of the invasion of earth. They were gonna kill Visser Three. Which is cool I guess, good luck with that. Can't wait to meet the new Lord of the Slugs- that's not copyrighted, right?

But they fail pretty hard, Visser Three survives, and that is when we find out about their super duper secret master plan whipped up by the biggest nerds in the andalite species. That's right, weapons of mass destruction! One of the few horrors of war me and my ragged fellow animorphs have not been on the receiving end of. Yet. Right now it looks like that might change, but... We can talk about it later.

So, you know what a Quantum Virus is. You don't need me to explain it. (Not to mention I am not at all sure what it is.) But a couple of the andalites sneak into the yeerk pool complex (one of the worst places to sneak into I might add) with the plan of dropping an anti yeerk virus into the liquid of the yeerk pool. Problem is, it might kill us humans too. Thanks Mr Andalite! Boy do I appreciate you gambling my entire species like that.

Me and this (honestly kind of cute) andalite girl sneak down there too, with a plan to stop the andalite guy who has the virus. But we were just a little too late, he drops it into the water and chaos ensues.

At first, for like a few seconds, it is all normal. (in that horrible, yeerk pool sort of way) Then, an alarm goes off. An another. Apparently yeerks are dying in the pool so fast that nobody is even sure how many are dead so far. Distress signals are transmitted into holograms, brought up straight from the yeerks in the pool. What is bizzare is, nothing looks any different. If not for the yeerk technology I would have no idea if it worked yet or not.

So like a minute later... The yeerk pool is just, dead. There are no live yeerks in it left as far as the yeerks outside of it can tell. Nobody seems to know what happened or why except for us obviously. Everybody is panicked, a hork bajir says something about the Visser, I assume warn the Visser or get the Visser. All the hosts start getting packed into cages. But while that is happening, the controllers start screaming and clutching their heads. They start losing control of their hosts. I play along too, screaming and holding my head and thrashing on the floor like an idiot. Maybe I even overplayed it because I got some funny looks but it didnt matter because none of the controllers were in a state to fight anyway. The hosts start getting away, and helping each other get out. More and more controllers succumb to the virus. It is slower than in the pool, but over the next five to ten minutes all the controllers are free from their yeerk masters. Still none of them know what happened but human and hork bajir alike are going as fast as they can to free each other. Me and everybody else get the hell out, I still pretend I am a freed host like the rest to not draw attention to myself.

So that is how my Tuesday went, how about yours? Did you catch the whole thousands of people claim they had an alien living in their head thing? Did you see the helicopters fly over my town? Did you hear about the NASA explorers who got shot by hunter-killer robots while trying to analyze the yeerk pool facility?

That was just two days ago. We haven't heard from the Chee but I am guessing they will let us know how things are going for the yeerks in space or if Visser Three actually survived.

I am guessing he did. That slug is practically a cockroach. And I know a thing or two about cockroaches.

Well, I am still alive so I guess the virus does not kill humans after all. Yet, anyway. Me and the other animorphs have been spending time with who makes us happy. For me, that is Estrid. Can we talk about Estrid instead? Yes we can, because I am the one writing this log.

Estrid, is brilliant. And funny. She's got all the charm of Ax but even more unfamiliar with earth stuff. It's almost nostalgic to hang out with her. Like when Ax was first trying to do things with us. Except unlike Ax, Estrid is a cute alien girl. And holy moly I swear on the sixth season of Buffy being good that she likes me. She likes my jokes. She doesnt laugh at them, but she likes them IN A WAY. That is more than any human girls would say.

"Estrid, that is not food. That is a video game controller."

"I know it is not food, I am not stupid! I am putting. ting. In my mouth so that I may impress. Press. Immmmm. Press. You."

I laughed a bit at that. "How is that supposed to impress me? I'm curious."

"I saw a picture of a human on a computer. Pooter. Who was female and put one of these in her mouth. All the males seemed very happy with her, based on my analysis. Sis. Of the text based responses. Text is a cool word."

"Text is a very cool word. But I don't want your spit on my games, please."

Estrid smiled at me in her human morph. Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "Where, then, do you want my spit? Spi-tuh."

That took me a little by surprise. I felt my cheeks flush slightly. "How much time have you spent on the internet for the last two days?"

"Seven hours, nine minutes, and forty-three seconds."

"That was rhetorical."

Estrid smiled more at me. "I know."

God, I am crushing hard on this alien right now.

She put the controller on the coffee table and stood up. "Marco, the wireless entertainment device was unsatisfactory to taste. Let's go eat something?"

"Estrid we just--okay." how can I say no to her? She is going to eat me out of house and home, I swear. Worth it though. Dad may not agree.

We go into my kitchen, and start looking for more for her to eat. We don't really store a lot of food here. She ate most of the light snacks. All of MY snacks in particular. Still worth it. I had to resort to bringing out my secret candy stash to deter her from eating my dad's stuff.

Estrid began chomping down chewy peanut butter candies, pausing only to chug some soda. She immediately figured out earlier how to open a soda can. I didn't even have to explain it, and she says they don't have lids like that on the andalite world. Estrid is just so smart that she can easily understand alien technology. She keeps beating me in all stragety video games. Actually can we delete that last sentence? And can we add that she repaired a computer someone threw out that was so broken it wouldn't come on? And rigged up her own internet receiver without having to pay a dime? Thanks. Estrid is incredible, maybe she can give me fast and free internet next.

Tomorrow we are going to go on an actual date. Our first one. Let's hope this doesn't turn out like some kind of romantic drama cliché.

[deiophylia]

ocs and important info i guess

aki, 20, transgal, necromancer, rlly quiet but even sassier.

megumi, unknown age, female, succubus, actually perish, thot!

anastasia, 24, female, half-blooded demon, quiet, really smart. she’s Hot

gasha, unknown age (died at 16), female, zombie??, absolute baby girl. she speaks in third person and uses chan/kun/those sorts of things (ex: anastasia-chan, kimi-kun). she’s really immature and childish but she’s a babey...

zukari, 22, female, human (tint of witch in her blood), underrated! i don’t talk abt her much bc she’s kinda a side character in the main story, but she’s important! she runs a store of haunted, cursed, and just bizzare antiques. she deals w the paranormal a lot.

oliver, 20, male, human. he’s a disaster and heavily questioning his sexuality due to trauma. he rlly wants to help aki but doesn’t rlly know how to bc he has no powers. the original comic relief chara.

kimi, unknown age (died around 19-22), male, zombie?. also a good babey boy. bit more aware of the world than gasha, but he’s still childish. doesn’t get social cues.

umanosuke, 12, nb, human/witch? not 100% sure tbh, they have the ability to create illusions and mimicry. they’re quiet and emotionless, but they’re rather close to anastasia. not much is rlly known abt them.

———————

fangan characters!!!

(these also include aki, megumi, anastasia, gasha, and zukari! im just putting the others here too) they’re all gals

hitomi izumi, 17, shsl crime profiler. she’s cold n rude. she doesn’t trust the government and is very hesitant on giving away the info she gathers.

koharu haia, 16, shsl unlucky student. she makes sure everyone is aware of her talent, which she hates. she’s optimistic and tries her best no matter what!

mao kagome, 17, shsl alien reasercher. from a traditional japanese town, she’s 1000% certain that aliens are real and she’s gonna show u her evidence.

mizuki hiroto, 17, shsl floral designer. she’s quiet and usually dirty due to her hobby/talent. she’s sweet but unnaturally nervous and paranoid.

nagai joen, 17, shsl metal vocalist. she’s loud and outgoing!!! extrovert to the max! she doesn’t get social cues or personal space but she’s a loving gal!!!!

noa nori, 16, shsl funeral cosmetologist. she’s pretty quiet and soft spoken. she’s trying her best. she has feelings for tsubasa

reina dietrich, 15, shsl war general. her family paid the school ALOT to let her in. she’s a tyrant and temper tantrums r common with her.

suisei gingakei, 16, shsl conspiracy theorist. she hates mao. she’s from south korea, and moved to america when she was little. then moved to japan.

tsubasa komori, 16, shsl bat trainer. she probably kins bats. she literally thinks she is one. she loves noa A Ton!!!!!

yoko tatsuo, 17, shsl magical girl. she’s a narcissist and i hate her.

yumi yume, 16, shsl tarot card artist. really spiritual. she’s down to earth and. probably on something.

[readablenoise]

Flowers, Fabric and The Brutal Nature of the Florida Scene- An Interview with Donzii

The Miami band discuss their inspirations, a frank, honest and necessary discussion of the South Florida music scene, and saving a Cure CD.

Miami- The building is actually humming.

Tucked in a discreet part of Downtown Miami, amidst the shadows of reflective buildings that mirror and intimidate the sky itself, the 777 International Mall is unlike anything the city, and perhaps the state, has ever built. What was once a strip mall has now become a hive for artists. Clear and spray painted black windows of the individual “booths” give a brief and captivating look into each individual process. On the bottom level, there is a bookstore, a DJ spinning records at the very edge where the ghost of what a small convenience desk might have been and a band, banging on an 808 pad and various drumheads, wrapped in green screen fabric as a cameraman films it an projects what can only be described as the type of strange, hypnotic and bizzare films you might see on adult swim at 4 in the morning on a Sunday night.

And it’s truly incredible. Reimagined and refurnished into the unexpected, it provides a home for artists, bands and people who want to immerse themselves into it.

(Photo: Jenelle DeGuzman)

It’s here that we find Jenna Balfe and Dennis Fuller of Miami post-punk group Donzii currently inhabiting, expressing themselves in the best ways possible.

With an onstage prescence and performance within the group that commands the attention of all those in radius, they also possess an energy that feels as if it were taken directly, with permission from the late 70′s. From Balfe’s Poly Styrene-esque vocals to the general feeling of community the band generate, it is something hypnotic. The world feels in muted colors or just pure black and white as you can almost smell the sweat, leather and pure electrical buzz that came from the heels of performances from those bands such as David Bowie, The Runaways, Joy Division and more.

And perhaps, most intriguing of all, is that the band do not have a clear cut sound. It is something powerful, something fierce, potent and exciting but it doesn’t necessarily exist in the realms of what has already been. It is an edge shaped by experience, hope and most of all, the promise of something better. That dreams can be achieved, from the smallest of towns, to the biggest of cities. All you need is a little faith, a little angst, and a pinch of punk.

I just want to say, the energy you guys have live, is incredible.

Jenna Balfe- Thank You! We’re having fun with it and I think that’s the main thing for us.

You’re one of the only bands that are bringing post-punk back in a good way, and it’s serendipitous because today is actually the 39th anniversary of Ian Curtis, from Joy Division’s passing.

Jenna- That’s crazy.

Are there any local acts, or even international that you guys look up to in the genre?

Jenna- There’s so many bands. I like Section 25 a lot. I really like Lizzie Mercier, and she’s more on the no-wave type of vibe but there’s elements of post-punk. What else do we like, Denny?

Dennis Fuller- Locally, there’s a few interesting emerging artists. I think Ghostflower is very interesting with their kraut-rock kind of style. There’s a band from New York-we used to live in New York; Donzii actually started in Brooklyn. I was playing drums in a band called On Oui, which has since dissolved, but after that project, myself, the singer and the bass player, and Jenna, we were throwing around ideas for about a year and a half. None of those things really materialized into a band because we moved back to Miami but the seeds were planted for Donzii to kind of go on this path, this style of music. The band that I was getting to (laughs) was The Wants, and they’re from there. They’re very similar to us because we started diverging from what we were doing, that style and being influenced by that New York city style life: very stressful, and hectic and cool…

Jenna- Too cool!

Dennis- Yeah, too cool. That’s another reason we moved back here, because they’re there still being cool and we’re….

Jenna- Not. Not cool. (laughs)

 Cool is a construct though, you’re only as cool as you think you are, and you guys are doing a great job of keeping that level of confident cool.

Dennis- Thank You. And, I have depression and I don’t think I’m that cool. You know what I mean? I’m just there, constantly kind of like ‘what the fuck? I’m not doing the right thing…” There’s a lot of stuff that we think of as influences, apart from music. And a lot of that has to do with the state of political climate, our own mental states.

Jenna- It’s kind of an environmental thing.

 And being from New York, how has that influenced the way you play? Though Miami is still a large city, you turn the corner in New York and there’s always a venue. Down here, it’s becoming scarcer and scarcer for bands, and fans, to find a place to play. Has that inspired you to try harder, to get that music out more?

Jenna- I feel like because there’s so few places, it’s like it can get old fast. I feel like both for audiences and bands, because you play the same places over and over again. So for us, it’s motivated us to get our music out of Miami more. Because we’ve done the circuits, it’s a cool community and we’re grateful people want us to play, but (the Miami scene) has just become so saturated. So we’re focusing on getting some tours out Miami, up Florida. We want to do an L.A. EP release, our EP is months away. It’s recorded, we’re working on the album art and it just needs to be pressed. So we’re super close to that and we wanna hit the road!

 And do you have a name for the record?

Dennis- (jokingly) EP 2.

(Photo: Jenelle DeGuzman)

When I saw first saw you guys perform at iii Points, which is the definition of Miami, in a way. You have indulgence, you have emerging bands; you have the arts in one corner, something for the music lover in another, so there’s something for everyone. How did it feel to perform there, alongside all these major and more localized acts?

Dennis- I was definitely an honor to be asked to play there. We felt very fortunate and taken care of.

Jenna- I felt stoked to be playing before John Maus. Like, for me, when they first told us the line-up, I was like, “Oh, I guess it’s just the only time left.”  But eventually, I owned up to how awesome this was and realized that these time slots are strategic! Festivals are competitive, strategic environments. So eventually, I owned up to the fact that no, this isn’t a fucking accident, this is an honor! They’re saying that ‘You guys are a good fit here, you’re a relatable act’. And for me that was like…because I fucking love John Maus, I look up to him, like, awkwardly.

Dennis- I feel like the festival listens to the feedback, like what the audience says, and follows that advice. It felt like it flowed really nicely. It was a warm experience…like feng shui. *laughs* My other favorite part of it, besides the music was our friend had a stand called the Little Spati. It was a little shop that our friend Tara Long set up and it was such a nice little place so… go Tara *laughs*

 What would be one thing you wish you could take from New York to Miami, in an artistic sense? Because artists and people compare major cities, they can never really describe what the other lacks, or what could improve the scene they are in. Because the South Florida scene does need a lot of improvement.

Jenna- For me, I think it would be the…level of commitment. I feel like here, the commitment is very wavering, you know? There, it’s competitive to get someone’s commitment, whether it’s a friendship, an artistic relationship, but once it happens, you know it’s going to be there, it’s solid. Whereas here, it feels very “I’m not sure”. I feel like, where’s my real team in this?

Dennis- The level of commitment, not in the sense of commitment of art, in a way. There are committed people in South Florida, there are certainly people that really do support the scene and keep the scene alive. But I think in general, the commitment to…(pauses) dedication to the craft. But other than that, everyone down here is really sweet, and means well.

 And that’s what makes me curious, because you have that outside perspective. Being in this scene, involved in it, the artists I’ve spoken with know the issues: that it’s both open and closed off, everyone wants to be part of something they want to lock into and they can’t. It’s frustrating, you can feel that and it’s hard.

Jenna- It feels like…it’s weird, I think about- and it might seem like I’m going on a tangent but I’m not- I feel like, before Instagram was something I really gave a shit about, I felt like I was a likable sort of person!  I like people, they like me. And when I became more into this band, into my art projects, I had to be more on Instagram, because I had to promote myself, I have to promote my band. And then, I started noticing things. Like, certain people unfollowing me, or just these things that felt like shade and I’m like “People don’t like me? People don’t like me.” and you start to wonder what is real, especially within that. And I feel like, as an artist in the scene this kind of contention, and it’s always there. We’re all competing in a way, but it just feels like people are really quick to be like “Ah, fuck them.” And I feel it, and I don’t like it.

 And it goes back to something I touched on with another band, where it’s that feeling of almost being from a small town; it’s competitive, and it’s fierce and it’s frustrating because all of you screaming at something but no one wants to care about everyone else screaming. There is a feeling of distrust amongst local artists sometimes and it’s difficult. In New York for example, I feel the difference is yes, everyone’s competitive but everyone’s there to listen. You have management, record labels, promoters, all eager to do their jobs

Dennis- New York itself is almost considered like some kind of pedigree. Since the time of the 70’s and CBGB’s, bands from New York is a thing. It’s almost like a university for independent bands. If you’re an independent band and you’re from New York, people are going to listen to you because you’re from New York. Whereas if you’re from pretty much anywhere else…the feeling from most people is “who cares?”.

And I don’t know if that should be true. I do think if a group is from New York, then there’s definitely something to be said for that because to live there is a struggle, and so to pursue any sort of artistry is going to be difficult and it means that you’re obviously very passionate about this, about what you’re doing. And I think that’s a valid statement for everywhere else too. And for Miami, I wish in some way there would be this sort of expectation…Seattle is another place I can think of, that has a very niche sound and that you would expect good things to come from. And, I don’t think people are necessarily on the edge of their seats waiting for the next Miami band to take the world by storm. We don’t have that here, that level of expectation.

And so that’s been kind of difficult. We’ve been playing our asses off here in Miami a lot. And…for someone that gets paranoid very easily, like myself, it just becomes crazy, to keep playing the same places. Even though that’s what The Ramones did and that’s what the Talking Heads did, they played at CBGB’s every week, and they played every night. And the thing is, it’s not the 80’s anymore, not everywhere is like CBGB’s. And for anyone who wants to say “you get better by performing”, I don’t disagree with that. But at the same time, it affects me mentally, and what I think about myself, and what I think about my art. When I play, six shows a month in my hometown, three of them at the same venue, and there’s seven people at the last one, it gets…I’m $50,000 in debt for a music education, and so it really makes me crazy. Paranoid, depressed, whatever you want to call it, it messes with my head. And the times I am happiest, I am playing music, and I’m playing it everyday. I’m presumably, hopefully playing shows every day. Just not at the same venue, and the same city (laughs).

(Photo: James Jackman)

And that’s what I want these conversations to be. To be open, to be frank about what it is for a local artist to perform in this state. And it is brutal and it’s difficult because every time a great venue comes up, like Grand Central for example, it��s replaced by real estate.

Dennis- I’d like to also segue into something else, if I may. Coming from someone that studied music…in the band, there’s two of us that studied music out of five. The way that we started the band was the things that we were taught as strict, we did not want to play upon those things. We wanted to do something different so that the result came out differently. I studied performance percussion, so this was a group where I did not want to do percussion because I wanted to create something that felt authenthic; that was not safe- that was out of my comfort zone creating music, which is behind a drumset. And that goes for everyone in the band, the other member that studied music is a performance bass player; he plays keyboard in the band. And Jenna is really a dancer, and a dance therapist, she has a Master’s Degree in dance therapy, and she’s singing. She’s singing poetry.

Jenna- I have a degree in creative writing too, but I started singing- I was involved in a few projects in my early 20’s but they didn’t really go anywhere. So I started doing other stuff, and then we started dating. …And I actually auditioned for this other band he was in, and I fucking bombed it.

Dennis- She tanked it.

Jenna- I tanked it.

Dennis- I was pretty bad.

Jenna- Like, no one could really look at me after.

Dennis- It’s that thing though being from Miami, where you don’t want to tell your friends that “you’re not very good” so it was very “We’ll see if that works!”

Jenna- I knew it was horrible.

Dennis- It was cool though, it was like “C’mon, let’s go get a drink.” (laughs)

Dennis- But then fast-forward four months, he was in this project and they said “Come on over, just fuck around a bit” it was more calm, and then I found something. Since then, my voice has just been growing. I’ve always wanted to be a singer, so it’s been life-changing. I’ve been discovering new things and I love it.

 And dance and music go hand in hand with each other. As a performance artist, it flows wonderfully. And with your voice Jenna, it’s very Poly Styrene, punk and visceral but not overtly loud.

Dennis- We love X-Ray Spex, by the way. They were one of our original influences when we started the band, it was them and Lizzie Mercier.

Jenna- I think Siouxisie and the Banshees is in there for me, too.

 Jenna, coming from that performance artist and dance background, do you feel that music needs more of that visual art aspect on stage, and not just, like 4 or 5 people being on stage?

Jenna- I do. And that’s kind of been a big contribution from me for this band, I’m always getting everybody to do things out of their comfort zone. I’m like, “wear a costume” and it varies from playing a recorder or we’re gonna dance around and then lift me up and it’s all these weird…

Danny- It takes some convincing of some of the other guys.

Jenna- But then they do it, and they end up having fun! Now, they’re starting to get that it’s a part of having fun, and they’re having fun with it, letting go more. And everyone in our band is very good humoured.

 And there is a lack of visual contribution in music, it isn’t as expected and that’s partly what drew me to you guys in addition to the performance itself, was the things going on in the background, it was immense and wonderful all at once.

Jenna- Oh, we love to ham it up. I’m just a natural born ham. *laughs*

Dennis- If we’re not counting rent, that’s what a lot of our resources go into. Dog leashes, collars…

Jenna- Flowers, fabric…

Dennis- We definitely spend a lot of our resources into making our entrance and the whole performance, something different.

Jenna- I love it.

Dennis- And that’s Jenna bringing that side of things. I sort of start the fire with the music, I come in here and start making music with a drum machine or a bass line. The building blocks of the music are my responsibility, and then we come in here, we collaborate. Jenna’s definitely in charge of that performance side, that recognition, because she is a performance artist.

Jenna- We did co-write a bassline. *smiling*

Dennis- *jokingly* ….Okay, alright.

Jenna- I’m never letting go of that, by the way.  I think it’s special for me because I’m not playing instruments.

Dennis- ….Can I circle back to something regarding venues?

 Of course.

Dennis- One of the issues I’ve found from talking with musicians, young and old, in different cities is that a lot of the times venues in Miami in particular, and probably all over the country- are not really taking care of the artists.

They don’t see the necessity of a live musician. Because right now, we really do live in a world where music is everywhere, at all times; it’s readily available and it’s pretty much expected to be free. Especially if you’re not watching musicians play, if you just wanna listen to it, the expectation is “Why should I have to pay for it? And I don’t disagree with that, I love music and I’m glad I don’t have to put a dollar into the radio everytime I turn it on.

 But at the same time, it would be helpful for a band.

Dennis- Yeah! And I’m talking with other musicians, especially older ones from Miami, and they ask “You guys seem to be doing pretty good, what are you guys getting paid?” And I say, well, maybe $150-$200 for a show. And they kind of look at me like, well “I was in an 8 piece band in the 90’s and we were each getting $200” And it’s funny to me because, there’s got to be more money in the world. The price of things has certainly gone up and yet bands are getting paid like, a fifth of what they were years ago. And  I get it, DJ’ing has become a lot easier with digital technology. You can hire a DJ that doesn’t have to bring 50lbs of records anymore, you can just show up with two USB drives and that’s okay. And they can play that one guy $300 to entertain your clientele. If you want to have a band that plays for an hour, the thinking is now, why not a DJ that can play for six hours?  And I love DJ’s, this isn’t some anti-DJ campaign or diss. We just have to decide how we value music as a society, what we’re willing to pay for art. Art as a lifestyle, is that something we’re willing to contribute towards

And again, this isn’t a diss to the audience either, like a person who just has five bucks in their pocket. I have friends like that, like “The show’s $5 but I don’t even have cash right now” so I know those people too. I’m just speaking in general that venues should really step it up, and respect artists and pay them a livable wage. Especially when (a band) puts years of work and dedication, they invest in a year’s worth of equipment and even that goes back to the idea of people in bands really fine tuning themselves, which I think is something missing from Miami.

If we all critiqued each other in a way that was constructive, and weren’t taking things personally, we could have all these fined tuned bands and acts going on and then there’s no way that venues would be paying us what they are now. They would have to see that we live in a great city, with great talent. And we do.

 Do you feel that it’s easier, or better to play with a small town mentality, or a big city mentality? In the sense of approach?

Jenna- I’m trying to go more bombastic.  I’m trying not to sweat the little stuff as much and, big picture. That’s where I’m trying to be right now. And being from a small town, there’s people that I love but I don’t love their music because it’s not my type of thing. And I love them and I want to support them and my scene but you don’t want to dishonest and I realized recently, I’m not going to think about that anymore, because it was bringing me the fuck down. I just want to focus on being large, dressing crazy, having fun, giving people good energy; being my best self. Because I’m not in this to be a motherfucking “rock star” and all the negative excesses, that’s not me. I’m into nature and nice and kids and…I’m wild! And I just want to think big, like that. I want to get out of here, I want to play bigger shows.

 To reciprocate that energy and to give someone that fire and realization that “I can do this too.”

Jenna- Exactly! “I can do it, I can perform.”

Dennis- It’s very interesting when you play a venue that’s much bigger, than you’re used to? It’s actually easier to perform, and to get-

 Because you have the emotional response?

Dennis- Not only that, you definitely get that emotional response but everything is much more facilitated. If you need something, it’s there for you. Versus, a lot of the times you’re stuggling with sound issues or vibe issues, not enough people or the wrong kind of audience… And then you play these places that you’ve never played before and someone’s there to coordinate, knows what to do and it’s very quick, very easy and it sounds good. You get to focus a lot more. Some of the most stressful shows have been, some of the most smallest. Not even in Donzii, just in every band I’ve played in. There just can be so many external factors going on that don’t let me concentrate on my performance.

 It also attributes to an artist struggle that I think everyone feels, I feel it as a writer. I’ll write six drafts and trash all of them even though someone else is saying that it’s good. As a creator, you only ever hear the fault in the art you did, versus other people just hear the recording or see what you made.

Jenna- It’s true. I’ve been suffering so much creating this new EP. We had a little record party of the test pressing, we didn’t make it a big deal, we’re just like hey, come by if you want to hear it. And I was just suffering the whole time. Everyone’s saying “Wow, I like this!” and I’m just like “I sound too much like a robot.” It’s crazy, it’s so intense.

 With this record, was there any genre or direction you went into that you hadn’t covered before?

Dennis- I’d say the song we’re most excited about, is more of a darkwave track. The tracks we have released are a little bit more new wave/post punk style. They’re kind of edgy, that have that drum machine sound.

Jenna- One of the new tracks is kinda funky, and nothing like we’ve released before.

 Like a tropical, Miami kind of funky?

Dennis- We’re definitely…not tropical. Ever. *laughs* We try to be?

Jenna- I don’t know how to describe it, cause it is funky!

Dennis- Tropi-goth.

 That’s it, you’ve created a new genre!

Dennis- It sounds like if-if you wanna order everything black and brown at Pollo Tropical, get me the “Tropigoth”.

 Just black beans, that’s all it is.

Dennis- Black beans, Coca-Cola-

Jenna- Oh gross, dude!

Dennis- That’s it! Just extra large Coke, extra large rice, extra large beans, that’s the Tropigoth. That’s what you order on a Sunday night, just before the new shipment comes in, it’s all they have left.

 Is there any venue that you’d like to perform at, both in or out of Florida?

Dennis- Respectable Street. Definitely.

 And is there a band you’d like to tour with, or like to collaborate with? If you had the opportunity, if someone gave you a kind of magic pass and said “Okay, you can use this to open for any band on their national touring cycle, who would it be?”

Dennis- You go first.

Jenna- Me?! …..I’d like to open for Geneva Jacuzzi. …John Maus would be cool. Maybe someone like Black Marble…

Dennis- Magazine is another one, that would be great.

Jenna- The Poptone band! That would be awesome!

Dennis-Yeah, definitely. I’d want to make it an interesting pairing, someone that doesn’t sound like us. It would have to be a sort of crossover.

 The Cure did something similar when they came to Florida years back, they had 65daysofstatic open for them and that’s not a band that would immediately come to mind when you think The Cure but it was incredible.

Jenna- The Cure!

 That would work! Robert Smith is a big supporter of new acts.

Jenna- How crazy would that be? That’s like the type of thing I wouldn’t even say because it’s so insane. That would be-

Dennis- That would be a dream.

Jenna- Yeah, that would be like, ultimate dream.

Dennis- ...The last car we had, as it died, we had to sell it for $200 and the last thing I had to get out of it was a Cure CD.

 What album was it?

Dennis- The album was Wish.

 Okay, that’s definitely a sign.

Dennis- I…would quit every job I ever had.

Jenna- Okay! New goal! Opening for The Cure!!

 And to finish it off, I always like to do something with every band. If you could choose one lyric to sum up yourself, what would it be?

Dennis- “Nothing takes the place of you, because time is material”… I think is how it goes?

Jenna- “Nothing takes the place of you, because time is material and I’ve gone through you and back to me.”

Here’s to wishing, wherever you are.

-Jenelle DeGuzman

[potatoesandomolasses]

Diary page #20, Weather: Sunny with clouds.

I was able to make it in the Horseshoe Town, and there a lot of horses in here... Monster Hourses that walk in two feet, horses with wings, horses with cat tails, simply horses, horses with fish heads... it was kinda bizzare, seeing a lot of horses, but are pretty nice; they are pretty use to see mewmans, so my apparence its kinda no big deal for them... i decide to check the market and i was able to sell a few plants for some coins. One of the kid horses saw the guitar i brougth and ask me if i can play it; i decide to play the funny song i made with the carriage horse and he liked, then more kid horses gather around me and started dancing aroung me and when the song was finished, the horses claped their hooves and give me some coins and apparently they thought traveling actor; i guess i can play some song to win some coins when i need it...

After that, i decide to eat in a dinner near to the inn were i decide to stay, when a few Ponyheads, who live in the sky near to the town, visited the restaurant... is my particular opinion, but monster horses are more nicer than the ponyheads; when they come around, there were really noise and mean to the othes horses and i coulnt escape from their behaviour, when they said something like "Honey, what are you wearing?! Hu! Those arent clothes! Are rags! What are you, a hobo?!" I guess i should change my clothes a little, there a pretty tear up by the use; so i decide to make some clothes , but the waitress said should pay to much attention to them, apparently the Ponyheads are were nicer to other monsters in the ancient times, but since they get allied with the Royal Family, they are getting worse and worse in every generation... I dont know if its scary...or just sad...

[tumblunni]

I had a really weird dream last night where it started off as some unrelated nightmare and then as soon as it got scary dr maddiman appeared and now it was all about him? Uhh, thanks madds! I wish i could learn how to do that on purpose, being able to summon your fave charries to save you from depression would be awesome!

The nightmare part was really damn weird, it was just my fear that if someone asks me to hold a baby i would mess up and drop it. So in this nightmare i did, and somehow its entire head splattered open like a jar of ravioli sauce IT WAS SO FUCKIN SCARY! and i was desperately running around the whole town asking anyone to call an ambulance but for some illogical reason they all said no, even though the mother was crying desperately over the baby clinging barely to the last shreds of life. IT WAS REALLY TENSE AND DISTURBING!! LIKE A WHOLE FUCKIN EYEBALL FELL OUT OF THE BABY’S HEAD how in the fuck even, it only fell like 30 centimetres onto some grass GAHHH im probably never gonna be able to hold a baby ever again.

So yeh I’m 90% sure that TRULY HORRIFIC nightmare was caused by the lack of sleep and general stress ive had over the last few weeks due to imminant moving house. BUT THANKFULLY SOMEHOW YOKAI WATCH SAVED ME

seriously it was so weird, one second i was in the whole scaryness and then suddenly it was the “nursing home for elderly yokai” and all previous plot was forgotten in favour of cute madds time. thank you whatever part of my subconcious is constantly occupied by my current viddygame obsession at all times!

the plot was apparantly that dr maddiman got sent to a nursing home against his will, and he was like ‘hello excuse me i know my family would not abandon me like i abandoned them, you are absolutely lying that they just dont want to visit me ALSO IM NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO BE HERE’ (cos well he’s an old dad but in yokai years he’s practically a newborn, right?) So his quest was to figure out how to escape this place and get back to his son, he was SUPER PANICKED that clifford would think he’d just abandoned him again. like this seemed to take place directly after some hypothetical yokai watch 4 quest where they actually reunite and started living together again, cos madds was having flashbacks to cliff hugging the turtle yokai and being all ‘im so happy i have little brothers’. But then literally the next day after that happy ending, madds just woke up trapped in this weird supernatural prison claiming to be a nursing home, so HEY YO WTF IS GOIN ON?

And the style of this dungeon was REALLY COOL! it was totally like a prison with nursing home themed decorations and stuff, and a bunch of comedic prison warden/nurse monsters who were SUPER BUFF and kept yelling stuff like ‘TIME FOR BINGO NIGHT’ *shoots giant bingo chips as weapons* or ‘TIME FOR A SPONGE BATH’ *bonks you with a sponge for 1 damage* *BONKS YOU WITH AN ENTIRE BATH FOR 999 DAMAGE* The biggest challenge however was gaslighting? like, every one of these clearly yokai nurses was all ‘oh everything is perfectly fine this is just a normal nursing home and you are totally human man’. So the gimmick for the dungeon was that all of madds’s powers were limited to only stuff he could do as a human, yet at the same time he still kept his yokai appearance and weaknesses like the big frankenheart. So it was an excuse for the gameplay to be similar to the main yokai watch series, you’d ‘catch’ other yokai to help fight for you. Madds had to find other patients trapped here and pull them out of the illusions to add more people to his party. And he was also kinda really damn badass?? Still fought with throwing his scalpels and making evil potions and stuff even though all his magic was sealed. Like “dude my ultimate move was already one of my inventions rather than an actual spell, youre really underestimating me.” And of course he had to get REAL SERIOUS because the love of his son was at stake!!!!!! But he was still the same funny doctor, there were a few good scenes of him struggling to get past physics based puzzles (it was like distortion world but with sofas?) cos he’s so short and fat. And i think one of the other old dads he could add to his party was that square journalist demon guy that ive seen in some fanart but i dunno what his name is? I recall he was sassing like “i thought fat dudes in overalls were supposed to be good at jumping”, and teasing madds by taking photos of him falling off stuff and threatening to post an article of his top 10 fails. But I also got the sense that it wasnt really cruelty but just an attempt to piss madds off so he wouldnt give up? like ‘nyaah nyahh come get me i’m up here’ and then he’d actually grab his hand and help him up if he reached him. Like he was actually very grateful to madds for saving him, cos he’d come to investigate the story of the evil nursing home and got trapped instead. But he was too tsundere to admit his gratefulness so he was just saying he hated him while also being super loyal and helping him fight? I dunno man this dream just randomly gave me the idea that they would be good quarrelsome yet cuddly friends!

Anyway, i couldnt recall all of the adventure after i woke up, but i think the ending was a boss fight against a clone of Hans Full? the villain behind the evil nursing home turned out to be dr nogut, who in my headcanons is maddiman’s dad so it was like an ironic punishment ‘you abandoned me so i’ll trap you in an illusion of your kids abandoning you’. ‘no dad i ran away cos you were an abusive prick, and it was your own damn fault you died in unrelated circumstances. ALSO YOU MISSED THE MEMO I ALREADY HAD FAMILY ABANDONMENT PLOTS’ (I think a way madds knew this was all an illusion is cos the details the nurses told him were missing everything that happened? Like ‘oh yes your family totally love you and nothing is wrong’, cos evil gramps just assumed his son had run off and had a perfectly perfect life that he was jealous of)

Anyway, nogut had made a bootleg knockoff of hans full and was like SEE HOW YOU FARE AGAINST YOUR OWN ULTIMATE CREATION (EXCEPT BETTER COS I MADE IT) And madds had some sort of badass one liner like ‘he wasnt just a weapon to me, he’s my son’. And him and his army of good dads managed to defeat Second Hans without killing it, to prove a point to jerkass dad about what true dadness is. It was a really bizzare way of winning, though! He suddenly broke the fourth wall and said “if i run far enough out of the loading area then the chasing AI will stop”, then blasted a hole in the wall and just set off running into the void of untextured scenery. i guess that could kinda work in-universe too, considering that this was an illusion dungeon? like maybe illusions just work that way, lol. So nogut’s big boss monster just was unable to move beyond the limits of the dungeon walls, but nogut himself was real so he could keep following them. Madds had to fuckin run a mile a minute to dodge flying knives from this dude, but pissing him off was exactly what he wanted! They ran so far into the void that nogut’s illusion dungeon ‘despawned’, and they were just stuck here. Like ‘if you want to get out, you have to uncast the spell and let all of us out!’ So he did, and then everyone was able to beat him up with their full powers and also madds’s son and all of his friends busted in thru the window halfway thru and joined in, it was basically maximum catharsis time! Also it turned out he was only using illusions to make his bootleg hans look bigger and tougher than the real thing, it was actually a pocket size wimpy version cos he sucks. So as well as rescuing madds they also adopted Second Hans and everything was super cute and even more family than before~!

so yeh a very good anti anxiety dream right after an anxiety dream, lol

[ineffablecolors]

NEW TALES FROM THE OLD FOREST [5/a few more]

New Tales from the Old Forest; ~ 3, o00 words; FF.NET || AO3 Lovely banner by the equally lovely @katie-dub !

Hey, thanks so much to everyone who so enthusiastically dived back into this story again - means a lot! Hope the joy of the season is already upon you! :)

She wraps her arms tighter around herself and jumps in place to get the blood flowing or whatever people hope for when they do that. Perhaps they hope to jump high enough that they never come back down and just orbit the cold earth from then on. Sounded plausible enough.

But, looking out at the Storybrooke harbor, Emma has to admit that she kinda gets what Killian sees in the place. When it’s not trying to turn you into an icicle that is.

This is ridiculous. She knows enough about Storybrooke to find some hot cocoa, warm food and well, just warmth in general. So with one last semi-mournful, semi-accusatory look at Killian’s house, she gets back in her bug and asks Henry how he feels about some grilled cheese.

///

Emma knows next to nothing about Storybrooke. Usually it’s her complaining to Killian about the hustle and bustle of New York City and he either doesn’t have a bad word to say about the sleepy town he spends most of his time in or he is way less of a whiner than Emma.

(It’s probably the latter but she likes to reassure herself with the former.)

She knows nothing until the day of “The Big Skype Hijacking” as her son had dubbed it. Why? He had a lengthy explanation about the importance of title-picking for a budding author. She… does not entirely get it. Then again, maybe she is a bit prejudiced ever since “The Horrific Waffle Fiasco”. The nerve on that kid, she swears.

It all starts with her getting home early and hearing Henry’s laugher. The pros of having an 11-year-old include the fact that you are still not completely banned from the perimeter of their room but at the same time you have been made aware of what a privilege that is. And how soon it will be taken from you.

As it stands Henry’s door is thrown wide open, probably thanks to the sneaker that is jammed half under it. A definite sign of the haste with which he threw himself on his bed. And the voice drifting from his laptop explains it all.

“Well, that is quite the fascinating story, lad. So now he is stuck with this little bird?”

“Yes, but he has no idea what to do with it. He says the thing is nocturnal and won’t let him sleep!” Henry’s merriment makes her mouth tick up in seconds.

Killian’s deep laughter doesn’t hurt either.

“And has your teacher actually been to see the poor creature? Or its poor besotted owner?”

“That’s the thing – I don’t knoooow! His “bird-induced insomnia” was the last we heard from David. You know, when he came by the school to drop off some textbooks we had left behind. I’ve never seen anyone look so happy about kids leaving their stuff all over.”

“Hmmm. Well, this just won’t do now, will it? We need more intel before we can proceed with any confidence.”

“Well, I was thinking…”

Uh-oh. She knows that tone. Last time he heard that tone, they spent 3 hours in The Belle of Bookstores and came out carring so much shit Emma didn’t have to workout for a week.

“Mhmmm…”

It seems like Killian has a sixth sense about “the tone” as well.

“Maybe you could convince mom that a pet is a good thing for a kid to have around. You know, a pre-teen thing. She is really into those recently.”

“Right. And me, with all my expertise on pre-teens...”

“You write children’s slash young adults slash anyone who has good taste books!”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, young man!”

“But it might get me a puppy!”

“I’m glad to see you think your mother so easily bought, kid,” she finally joins in, leaning a hip on the doorjam and crossing her arms in her favourite ‘I’m a single mom who takes no bullshit’ pose.

“Oh. Hey, mom,” Henry, on the other hand, has his own favourite ‘I’m your little angel and you’ll forgive me anything’ face.

“Nonsense, Swan, the lad thinks your defenses so insurmountable that he felt the need to contract a professional tale spinner.”

The laptop is angled so that she can’t see Killian’s face but Emma finds herself perfectly capable of envisioning his ‘I’m so charming and suave, how can you resist me’ grin.

Because it’s 5pm and the universe is probably napping and so unable to conspire against her, Henry’s phone rings not 10 minutes later and Emma has no qualms about settling herself on the floor beside his bed and dragging his laptop into her lap.

Hijack #1: Emma Swan taking over for Henry Swan

“Fancy seeing your face, love.”

“Wish I could say the same but that light is really not doing you any favours.”

She teases him because she can. Because they’ve established that “they definitely did not break up” three weeks ago and have talked every day since. She teases him because they are good. If she wasn’t afraid that it might wake up the universe and jinx them all to hell, Emma would say that they are very good.

“Oy! No need to take me down quite so many notches, Swan. I believe this place was designed to flatter Ruby’s pale complexion and no one else’s.”

It is so obvious that he is in a public place, a diner of sorts, with a vibe that’s even familiar-ish. Which is why the slight note of irritation? warning? jealousy? in her tone is absolutely ridiculous and yet-

“Who’s Ruby?”

“Oh. Have I not told you this?”

“Mmm, don’t think so.”

Yup, definitely irritated now.

“Remember where I had my signing in your fair New York?”

“Yeah, I seem to recall that place and event. I believe Henry made me check it on Google maps 4 times. 4 times. A bookshop that we had been to before! I’m surprised he didn’t make me do a test drive before the signing to see how fast we get there.”

“Right,” he probably deserves some credit for swallowing his laughter but she sure isn’t going to give it to him. “And you know Granny? From the diner across the bookstore?”

“I’ve only been addicted to her grilled cheese for like 2 years. ‘Course I know Granny, Killian, would you get to the point already?”

“Bloody hell. Fine. Long story short – and trust me that’s no small sacrifice for a writer – Granny used to run a diner in Storybrooke with her granddaughter Ruby. They were doing real well but then Ruby went off to model in New York so they decided to open a… a branch there. But then, one Christmas-“

“Wait, wait. I’m sorry, hold up and take in some air, I didn’t mean get to the point that fast.”

Killian, bless him, actually does need to suck in some air and she shakes her head in fond exasperation.

“So, let me see, if I’m getting this right. Granny, the same Granny who has been feeding me and Henry almost every weekend for years now, used to live in Storybrooke? You used to know each other?”

“That is correct. Is why I chose the bookstore across her charming establishment. And why she was the one keeping everyone there hydrated and nourished.”

Emma snorts. She’s hard pressed to define Granny’s hot chocolate as hydrating. You can eat the thing with a spoon, it’s so thick and creamy… Some days Emma thinks she’d rather part with a kidney than Granny’s cocoa.

“Alright. Let’s ignore how absolutely bizzare that coincidence is-“

“As I told you, lass, no coincidence at all. I very purposefully chose-“

“Right, right. I got it. But still. You know Granny! Our Granny!”

“Well, to be fair, Swan, she was my Granny first.”

His grin is infuriating. And so is the way his hair falls across his forehead. And the light circling under his eyes. And the long eyelashes that swipe over it whenever he blinks at her. How can someone look so innocent and infuriating at the same time?

She knows Killian Jones is far far from innocent. And maybe it’s because she knows his story that sometimes she just wants to reach through her laptop (or Henry’s as the case may be) and brush his hair and wrap her arms around him and smother him with kisses. And that’s just plain ridiculous so-

“Whatever. Why is she here and her granddaughter is in Storybrooke, if she was the one working in New York?”

The granddaughter is still… a question mark. An ex-model question mark.

“As I was just saying, one Christmas Ruby came back and after one too many holiday run-ins with a certain deputy, she never left. But the place in New York was literally ready to open and, if you know Granny, you know that woman never turns down a challenge, so… Granny is there, making sure you don’t starve on your stakeouts and Ruby is here, bugging me closer and closer to an early grave. One mediocre cup of coffee at a time.”

“I heard that, Jones!”

And Emma heard that.

“Granny’s is a chain… Huh. I guess wonders do never cease…”

“Sorry, love, Regina seems to be calling me on here. I’ll just give her a call instead and be right back.”

And that’s how it happens.

Hijack #2: Ruby Lucas taking over for Killian Jones

“Freaking finally! I thought I’d never get my chance.”

Suddenly Emma’s screen is filled with a whole lot of what she will soon know is Ruby Lucas.

“Hey?”

“Hi! I’m Ruby. And you must be the magical Emma!”

Emma sputters. It’s not graceful and it’s not pretty but at least she’s not drinking anything.

The hell? What kind of things has Killian been saying about her?

“Excuse me?”

“Hmmm?”

“Magical Emma?”

“Oh. Sorry. That’s just what I’ve been calling you in my head. Not like to Killian’s face or anything.”

The Ruby girl gets a thoughtful, borderline fiendish look on her face.

“Maybe I should. Can someone die from blushing?”

“Umm… I don’t think so. Can we go back to how we’ve never met but you have like… a nickname for me?”

Eyes darting away just for a second, probably to check that Killian is still occupied with his manager, and Ruby fixes her with a serious look. It’s like watching all the bubble exit a champagne bottle until all that’s left is concentrated alcohol that can really do a number on your head.

“He’s been back in Storybrooke for a few years now. But he’s only been back for a couple of months.”

…

“Oh.”

…

“I don’t know what kinda magic,” Ruby scrunches up her unnecessary perfect nose and waves her hand in what Emma supposes illustrates magic. “you’ve been doing but just keep doing it, yeah?”

…

“I-“

…

“And that’s how Jones ended with a drawn mustache and a perm!”

“Bloody hell, woman!”

“She needs to be warned.”

“Get off. Off. Stay away from my computer and my- Off.”

“Looovely to finally meet you, Emma!”

Ruby leaves with a wink and a wave and a generous view of her retreating back. Killian reemerges with the most sheepish look on his face and she smiles.

She doesn’t call him her boyfriend either. The word feels so… foreign. She is not sure her mouth would know how to form the syllables.

But other parts of her anatomy are definitely beating out the rhythm.

“Bloody hell, why does Regina insist on skyping me?!”

Hijack #3: Roland Hood stealing the whole show

///

He can tell she is up to something. He knows his mom pretty well – has known her all his life, you might say.

She is great at fooling all her “targets” and depositing their asses in jail before they even realized what the hell is going on. She is not too bad at faking it with his teachers and the other parents at his school either. Expect her smile is always like… extra tight and fake-y around the other moms, especially the ones with such long nails that Henry is always a bit apprehensive about shaking hands with them – except they usually prefer to pat him on the head and squeeze him up with something like “poor sweetheart” which makes his mom look even more like an arrow drawn up and ready to fly off. Honestly, sometimes he doesn’t get adults at all.

But he gets his mom and he knows she is up to something. It’s just that… he is as well so he’ll let it slide this one time.

Henry figured (and Killian reluctantly agreed) that just because they are not getting a pet, doesn’t mean that Killian possibly can’t. There is, of course, the small matter of him being in another state but somehow David doesn’t think to ask after any whereabouts when Henry tells him he is picking a cat for his mom’s boyfriend.

Killian asked for more intel before he agrees to tackle the Teacher-Pet case. He also vehemently protested naming it that but, for the life of him, Henry doesn’t understand why – it is all about getting his teacher together with the pet shelter’s owner. It is perfect and Killian is being silly.

It is fun really. To find out that Killian can be silly as well and get cranky when his coffee is “bollocks” (whatever that is, he isn’t supposed to use it). He never really considered the fact that Killian Jones might be genius and talented and super awesome but also… silly. It’s nice.

And because he has seen Killian in action – his mom told him all about Roland hijacking Regina’s Skype and calling Killian non-stop for a full two hours before he was discovered – he knows that his matchmaking skills are the best money could buy – or, you know, puppy eyes since it’s not like he has any money. He feels like he might be getting a bit old for that trick but it seems to work just as well on Killian as it always does on his mom and desperate times…

///

The idea pops into her head about an hour after “meeting” Ruby for the first time. And once there it’s like that little piece of popcorn that’s stuck to the roof of your mouth and keeps annoying you and you just can’t get it off.

And then she goes to Granny’s a couple of days later and the woman looks at her over her glasses and says she heard her granddaughter made her acquaintance. Says she heard someone else has been making her acquaintance as well. Emma is pretty sure that’s not how you use that phrase but she is also too busy dumping half the cinnamon shaker in her cocoa and fleeing as if Granny had turned into a pack of wolves.

And then Ruby adds her on Facebook. And Emma eyes the request suspicious all Thursday and then she does the one thing Emma from like 4 months ago would probably gag at her doing. She asks Killian what he thinks. And frankly? Emma from like 4 months ago can suck it. Because she has someone whose opinion she values and respects and actually wants and she is OK with telling him that the brunette freaked her out a bit and eventually, after a couple of hours on the phone, she even tells him she was a bit “on the fence about this Ruby chic” when he first mentioned her and if his smirk is anything to go by, he knows exactly what that means but just shakes his head and says “Lucas is a pest. The big, fangy kind, not the kind you can swap away”. And really in the end, Killian just tells her to go with her gut – Ruby is cool in his books, her grandmother probably saved him from being homeless both times he rolled into Storybrooke with nothing but the clothes on his back, an unfinished manuscript and a spectacular hangover. In the end, it’s not about Killian telling her what to do at all, it’s about her having someone to talk it out with and make up her mind. It’s new. It’s kinda wonderful.

And then Henry asks if he can invite Killian to his birthday. His birthday. In August. 5 months away.

And then because being his girlfriend or whatever (she still cannot say the thing with adding “whatever” after, she has tried) doesn’t mean that she is not still a fan or whatever (that one is just a bit embarrassing – being a fan of your boyfriend… or whatever). So, yeah, she checks Killian Jones’ blog, which he updates only every month or so but, yeah, she follows him on Instagram and she follows his blog and whatever, he follows her as well and once said something ridiculous along the lines of him being a fan of her, like every part of her or whatever, so yeah. It’s fine.

But then she opens his blog, while on a ridiculously unproductive stakeout and she sees his last post from a couple of hours ago.

The wonder isn’t that love find us, as strange and magical and mystical and wonderful and unbelievable as that feels.

The wonder is that even when we never find it, even when love waits in the wings of dream for too long, even when it doesn’t knock on the door we’ve been staring as for years, or leave messages in bottles or on answering machines or on Facebook walls or in the bloody sand to be washed away by the waves of time, even when love doesn’t put flowers in our hands or tears of incomparable joy or unimaginable heartbreak in our eyes… even then… so many of us never stop believing in love.

Imagine how lucky we are. To have such hope, such faith. And then, occasionally, when we are so very very lucky… such love.

She is doing it.