#grief is hard

[legendofthe3divas]

i just really hope that people can take respect on Liams passing, and stop joking about it, like ‘he’s not in payne anymore, he took the wrong direction’. keep it to yourself. please.

someone has lost their dad, someone has lost their partner, someone has lost their son, someone has lost their friends, someone has lost their idol. be respectful and thoughtful of the pain they are going through. the grief. joking about it will make it worse for them and is very rude.

[theaethernetconnection]

Uhm okay sobbing I guess

[mermaidgirl30]

Thank you for all the kind words for Biscuit, that means so much to me 🥹 He is at home resting, so we will spend however many days we have left with him and give him all the love and cuddles. I took the day off to spend with him, and I’m just gonna have him on my lap while I write a little. I saw some new pics of Pedro, and that definitely cheered me up.

[thosearefuckingonions]

I really want to go back to my maladaptive daydream scenario of the up all night era album/music videos. I know I shouldn’t cause that’s probably a terrible coping mechanism. I want to see his face and hear his voice and have everything be okay.

[greenparker]

Andrew Garfield and elmo are ripping me apart right now talking about loss, why am I sobbing???????? AUSTIWHSJEVE

[davekitties]

I was close by (dropping off a friend who came with me to run some errands and get signed up for my new job), so I stopped by the cemetery where Nick is buried. there was a little dog barking at me, aggressively, from 15 feet away the whole time I was there, so I didn't stay long. I just miss him so much 💙

[milo-is-rambling]

I have this feeling in my chest. A muscle straining in between my ribs. I know logically it's coming from my shoulders. I know. I know. You told me to sit up straight. I know. I don't listen. So I get this pain. It's one of those pains where I can't change anything to fix it while it's happening. All I can do I press my fingertips to the muscle and push. Some pain can be used to alleviate others. That's something I've found. Mom used to cry every time she talked about her father getting older. I remember every thanksgiving, driving home from dinner at her parents house, listening to Christmas music on the radio with my mom crying in the passenger seat. She says it doesn't scare her anymore. Nothing scares her anymore. She sounds like me in school. I still remember telling my art teacher that I wanted to cut myself so she couldn't let me have a pencil sharpener. Didn't scare me to tell her. Didn't scare me later when I loudly told her to go fuck herself when she put one on my desk. Didn't even scare me walking my backpack to the office or getting suspended for a day. It made me feel sickly proud of myself. None of the kids in that class looked at me the same after. Or the teachers. I dropped out a year later. Some pain can alleviate others. I remember you telling me when I got home that we could hang out the day I was suspended. I think I turned you down to sit alone in my room. I wish I had gone with you. Some pain is still pain. Like driving my older brother from his school to your funeral. That pain is still pain. Watching your son cry in front of the friends he outgrew years ago just because they knew you. You were always a better dad to other peoples kids. We always said that. Maybe it has something to do with the personalities we inherit from our parents. Like how I cry every time someone talks about their father getting older. The concept of grandparents puts me in bed for a day. Don't even get me started on weddings. Or funerals. Or my own graduation. None of it's the same. Some joy is still pain. I don't think I'll forget that.

[lifeonkylesfarm]

I don't know a single person who has gotten over their grief. I don't think it's really possible. It's not that it stays so horribly debilitating forever, it dulls, but it's still there. My mother's dog Zelda died 40+ years ago. She isn't over it. She isn't over the death of our cat Poody, who died in April 2013. I'm not over it either, and I remember the day in precise detail, as if it were yesterday. Her father, my grandfather, died 14 years ago. Neither of us are over that. My cousin's son died a few years ago. I don't think that grief will ever leave her. My paternal grandma's father (my great grandfather) died in the early 70s. She isn't over it. She still has dreams about his death and about him being here. I still dream most days about my cat who died 7 years ago. My great aunts still reminisce about my other paternal great grandfather, who, coincidentally, died the same year as the other. The people we love never leave our minds. I think we simply have to learn to live with it, to accept it. It's hard.

[tcfkag]

There are times when I still think we may have been a bit crazy to move into a log cabin in farm country (in New England farm country that is, which actually means we’re only 15 minutes from the city I grew up in) but right now isn’t one of them.

I’m sitting in our living room that’s all decked out for the holiday, drinking hot chocolate with a crackling fire and this weekend we got to bring Peanut to do several things that I did at her age, including bringing her to the Zoo along with her Uncle and Gramp.

For those who know me in real life, you know it’s been a difficult time for us, and I am honestly dreading the holidays (the first ones without my Mom), but having these chances to create new traditions while also embracing some of the old is so special.

[sharloola]

you can die today

i promise it’s okay. i know it hurts, and you didn’t mean to get this sick. i know the lights are annoying and you don’t want to worry anyone. i know you can’t restart your own heart. so we can make a deal: you can die today if you come back tomorrow.

or next week, i don’t mind. just die today, and only today because we still have more to do. i know what we’re doing for your birthday and i might do something to make you proud. die today, if you must, i won’t cry. just don’t be gone when the seasons change. i told time to wait for us. i told the sun you’d be back. see? she’s waiting up there, in the sky. you can die today.

s.o.

[helpmebelieveinanything]

pursuing aspirations like a child craves star stickers

little tokens of one’s achievements.

true success comes from when you believe you’ve succeeded:

a gift given after hardship.

my mom would be proud of me, the way i scraped up the pieces of my life after her passing,

carved a little place for myself in this world

it’s scary, yes

and often, i feel alone in this journey

but that’s ok

because around me, i’ve collected little golden stars. little mementos of my previous achievements,

and they keep me company

in sickness and in grief

[thelyd]

the crushing weight of grief over a long since passed loved one is really inconvenient for college study 0/10 do not recommend

[mammameesh]

Dear Suz,

It feels like Christmas a little bit more this year. Not much, perhaps enough.

I made ornaments for friends I haven't met. I can almost see your eye roll. But in a very small way, it's like you were here again. Making ornaments at a dinning room table. You arguing over my artistic style. I can almost hear mom telling us its time to clear the table for dinner for the umpteenth time.

You live, in my memories now. I'm doing my best to hold onto that. Christmas isn't Christmas without you. It actually can be quite lonely.

Small pieces of myself live now, in the great outside....and since you are a part of me I guess pieces of you do too? I don't know how it works.

I love you,

your Chelle.

[mixedbag-o-beans]

do i wish i was back in middle school? ABSOLUTELY NOT. do i miss the feeling of being that feral little bastard? nearly every single day. homie was unhinged and taking no prisoners. they picked every single fight for better or worse. it hard to believe now i used to hate that version of me. now i’m certain they’re 10x braver than i am now. i don’t think i could stomach telling them what’s coming up the road. and i know everything that’s happened is what made me who i am now. but i miss them. maybe they would know what to do

[midniallsnack]

hi! i am still sad about Liam. it comes in waves. it's hard some days to look at pictures of him smiling. i can't listen to If I Could Fly, and some songs are easier to listen to than others, but I tend to skip them now when they come on shuffle so i don't cry on my way to work. hope that helps

[firebonbon]

Idk why I feel guilty for missing you, but I do and I hope you’re doing okay 💜