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hcguesstheauthormessageboard · 1 year

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i decided to post my fic in the form of several oneshots instead of as one story so that way i automatically have my project technically done now. this has removed all of my stress and i have now written 5k words in the last 2 hours.

—icarus

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#icarus au poster #unbeknownst to you all that last ask was mine and i am still seething over it #sundar pichai is going to be drawn and quartered by tomorrow #the absolute NERVE of google docs to just. wipe all of my progress.#great that you’re feeling better now!!

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anonymocha · 5 months

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Having internalized lesbophobia is so funny because I find JOY in liking women but then feel guilty about that too, like what the hell; That’s like the opposite of what I’m trying to do, come on 😭 We’re back to square one 😭 Unlearn shame and guilt 😭 Girl 😭

#this bad boy can contain so much internalized lesbophobia and misogyny accumulated through the span of her teenhood #chat I am working on it trust #I need to dyke this place up and not feel bad about it #I need to DYKE MYSELF UP #I used to hate lesbians because I am so fucking jealous too btw #‘I had to repress everything while all of you get to express yourself and have fun—I hate you all’#MOCHA FROM 2020; LOOK AT YOURSELF NOW #YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE #mochats #And it will get better I bet #I am still [The Struggler] but this too shall pass

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lhrry · 2 years

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#aotv spoilers #ok you’re asking for my opinions let’s do it #i love louis!!!! im so proud of him and im so happy i got to watch him on his journey for so long and can’t wait for what’s to come for him #and i think my love for him and for his music and for my time in the fandím and for one d etc is what makes this a good watch and why i #liked it because otherwise i have my reservations to the movie and im not going to get into the babygate stuff #apart from the fact that louis trying to get freddie to hug him was extremely awkward and ive never seen less organic thing than the beach #scene and i find it funny they tried to push that as organic so hard #my issue is that it just had a potential to be a much better film is all sksmsk #it is good but it feels a bit rushed and kind of cheap in some ways and i get that’s the style of these biopics sometimes but #like it was such a shame the bg music was not really gold and was always exaggeratedly emotional because it made it cheesy and cheap and #kind of forced #i think it would have a great potential to get many people to say wow this is a strong talented guy and i think it is a great intro but i #think they undersold the movie so it’s not going to have a chance to reach an audience much wider than his current fanbase which is a shame #for his current fanbase it is a solidification and reiteration of his promo season and it is very clear where they want louis to stand and #what they want his image to be like and i think it’s absolutely amazing how they managed to show his growth as an artist and as a human and #and place him in a position where he’s now confident and secure and ready to embark on a new journey etc. although for the fans there’s #nothing new there and i think it’s worth considering how exactly they’re portraying and that they completely left out his relationships #aside from his family and the band #i think it’s important that it was noted he was undersestimated and pushed down and i think they made obvious how much he’s worked on #himself #i think it’s kinda clear they’re using it as a faith in the future promo with the new songs even though the doc ends with the end of the #tour #i think it’s interesting how many rainbow flags they chose to include without addressing the way his shows and fanbase look at all because #if i were from Gp id wonder what’s up with that esp when he only acknowledged the kmm project again #generally i think it’s a good watch that’s very transparent in what it’s trying to do for louis promo and image wise and it doesn’t tell #you anything new but it reminds you why you love this man so much while also leaving you a bit disappointed because this had a much #greater cinematic potential and a lot of it feels either rushed or underfinanced or forced and that’s a shame

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louiswilliamtomlinsons · 8 months

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#now this may sound crazy #but i think i’ve broken the deep parasocial relationship with louis #i love him and i’ll never stop loving him #but i now feel like it’s not the obsessive kind where he takes over my life #not to be Like That but the medication may have played a part on it #i can enjoy my other interests and focus on my real life goals and responsibilities #as i said i’ll never stop loving him. he’s my fave. my baby. my pookie #but i can now establish a healthy relationship with him #i feel like this is better and it’ll allow me to enjoy him in a positive way #i’m excited actually. i can follow him without needing to know everything he’s doing all the time #i just feel great right now and i’m gonna enjoy it for as long as it lasts. and when the bad days come i’ll keep going #because the good days are worth it #also this is a formal request to not send me any discourse about the husbands #i’m not interested in engaging in that anymore #no stunts. no bbg. nothing about that. just chilling #i’m here for the music and their journeys #riley if you’re reading this. thank you for being patient with me and letting me rant to you and for the intervention #you were right and i feel happier #love you so much #logan.txt

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uncaught-coolfish · 1 year

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Fun fact: When you constantly hate on female, queer, and POC characters because you're just a fucking loser shitting your pants over a white man not being the real hero, no one gives a crap about you pretending it's the other folks who are bigoted.

you want me so bad it makes you look stupid

#rwde #the way the post I just made fucking called it SHQJWKSNSHSH #I’m literally cooking pancakes and you’re asking for waffles. You cuntsucking bitch get off my blog #“Hate on” awwww sorry for hurting the fictional pixels you kin’s feelings. I’ll be better. Hey Blake your hair looks great lemme—#whisper into my monitor Real Quick #And whose the white man in particular? Your crowd sure uses that terminology a lot #I’m glad you at least read my post though. Fun fact: compliment! Don’t take it too far though you’re still fucking stupid #You think I’m pretending about anything? Did I pretend about RT being racist? Transphobic? Did I? Did I nonnie genuinely?#I hope your fucking show gets cancelled and all the people who have been hurt making it get better jobs.#Shrimple as that. Now get the fuck off my blog.

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tariah23 · 6 months

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Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like #like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫#but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it #even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭..#like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s #execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all #because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and #that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all #more like a deity and he doesn’t like that #but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever #he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people #so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his #aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool #and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry #but he’s incredibly flawed as well #I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao #I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before #he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿)#that’s literally not part of him #like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with #him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt #about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿…..#I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️#rambling #I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him #he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors #because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him #it’s very 😭❤️…

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mishtershpock · 5 months

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#okay i’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. 30 tag maximum you are my nemesis lol #my main issue here is not necessarily that the karaoke and other bach party scenes have likely been cut #it’s more that they’re clearly buddie baiting for engagement #journalists were watching the episode as early as saturday. which means the ep was ready by at least this time last week #so they knew that the scenes had been cut. and they chose to continue including it in promotion and interviews #i KNOW that logically the reason they chose those scenes to cut was because they’re less important. and we’d already seen them #they technically already gave us the clips in the promo videos. right? so bye bye #but that’s bullshit. sorry #they used buddie best friendism content as a way to promote the ep and increase hype #and then they just pull it out from under us the day before it airs #this is a madney episode. madney are getting married. buddie having fun is not the most important thing here. i get it #so why did they not promote something else? you’re telling me there was NOTHING ELSE they could’ve used?#nothing else from the episode that was free of big spoilers? at all???#it’s madney’s episode but they chose to promote one clip of buddie talking to maddie. one of chim crawling. and the bach party stuff #they must know that people would focus on the bach party. buddie is beloved buck and eddie are beloved #what were they expecting??#they used buddie as a pairing as bait. not queer bait and not even ship bait i suppose as there was nothing ‘shippy’ shown #but they baited buddie content. that’s literally what’s happened #i would be more understanding if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. it’s normal sure. shows do this all the time with fan faves #but also it is a false reflection of the episode. even journalists are saying the episode is not what they expected from the promo #it honestly feels like they’ve made fools of us. maybe the episode will air and it’ll be better than expected #but i don’t have much hope not much hope for buddie. not much hope for madney getting what they deserve. ZERO hope for eddie’s 7b storyline #frankly i’m expecting b/t to be the main chat after this ep. which is……. anyway #i’m not really liking s7 so far and i feel gaslit when people say it’s great lol #IN MY OPINION it is choppy and too fast and a little ooc and doesn’t make a lot of sense #they didn’t even green light bi!buck until episode. what. 2/3??#so presumably had to change everything from then on #i know that’s partly down to limited episode numbers but… 3 eps for the cruise (unnecessary) but 1 for madney wedding? ok #sigh. if anyone’s read this far pls don’t come for me ok. these are just my opinions #we’re all entitled to them. i’m sad for madney and i’m sad for buddie best friendism and i’m sad for s7 as a whole right now

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cuteniaarts · 5 months

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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

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danielnelsen · 6 months

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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

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tohokuu · 1 year

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my girl advice is so nicki minaj coded and these bitches don’t like it 😒

BASICALLY- i said this

tw : suicide mention

AND THEY GOT MAD

“money isn’t everything” yes it is 😟 i know that bc look at the way i run to these gojo/toji sugar daddy fics 💀💀💀

idc if he’s toxic as fuck as long as i get the key to the benz and a birkin. why? bc i’m toxic too 💀

“baby i’ll kill myself if you leave.” “okay then do it” WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW ???

boohoo, baby. gimme the keys.

and the whole argument about “if he has a good character and no money, i’d stay with him rather than a rich asshole.” i want the rich asshole. how the fuck are you gonna survive ????

“i don’t need expensive trips and expensive restaurants.” huh- well i do 🤣

OH AND- if he’s giving you that BLUE BOX THAT SAY TIFFANY but he’s toxic as fuck, i know id be running back 😭😭 i am willing to get stuck in that cycle of this shitty man who spoils me so good. like yeah baby, i’ll leave unless you buy me that purse.

i’ve had my experience with a broke nice guy and lemme tell you- it’s NOT it. i tried to go for personality and kept telling myself that him being broke wasn’t that bad BUT IT IS 😃 i wasted 5 months of my life like that.

smd if you disagree bro 😭 mmm i’m probably much less compassionate but i know i don’t deserve any less 😹 and if you come in my inbox abt this suck my fat brown balls bitch

#BROKE PPL SHOULD NEVER LAUGH ‼️‼️‼️#also someone told me i’m a great friend #but a horrible girlfriend 😭😭#i had this conversation w my bestfriend a few days ago and she was like #bro you’re a horrible person and you should not be dating until you’re actively attending therapy #and i was like 🧍🏽‍♀️ and she said that i end up damaging the other person and myself and then ignore the damage i did to myself and pretend #didn’t happen LMDOAKE but then someone else told me that i’m actually a very comforting friend #like as a friend i’m a great person bc i five the best advice on how to value #yourself and not fall for a man’s bullshit #LIKE IVE DATED ENOUGH TOXIC MEN TO BE HANDING OUT ADVICE NOW and if you don’t like my advice DONT COME CRYING TO ME BC ILL SLAP YOU #but like i’ll help you out after i slap you 🙄#like im just that bitch I WILL NEVER PUT A MAN ABOVE A WOMAN #friends are so so much more important than stupid boyfriends and i think that’s why im a better friend than a girlfriend #trust me- i used to be a great girlfriend until i got my heart put thru a #meat grinder and then i didn’t find it in myself to put my heart out like that again #i actively bitch men out and i don’t fucking feel bad #i hardly even date nice guys before you get on me abt that 💀#all the bozos i go for are dickheads and i’m a bigger dickhead #this turned into a rant

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gregmarriage · 1 year

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idk talkin’ i guess

having a bad day™️ (one of many this week) where i’m basically bedridden for the foreseeable future, because i can’t move without the possibility of my legs giving way and me injuring myself. this is pretty much constant, but sometimes it’s particularly bad, as it is this week. if it’s not this, it’s pain. if it’s not pain, it’s dizzy spells. it’s an endless cycle.

#just remembered something my sister said that i didn’t mention in the last post #she basically mansplained for lack of a better word or basically acted like she knew everything #about how i feel and my health issues and it just makes me even more pissed at her #‘i’m an expert’ fuck off you’re a generic nurse you didn’t train for years to become a expert in the shit i’m dealing with/have dealt with #she literally acted like she’s trained in epilepsy (don’t have it but had #seizures that are now under control with meds)#when she literally isn’t literally fuck off #if i said all the stuff i’m dealing with she’d take the piss and say it’s not real #she literally said ‘it’s all in my head #okay let’s swap bodies then see how you feel asshole #ughhhhhhh idk i’m just not having a totally great time right now but ehhhhhhhh 🤷🏻‍♀️

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pepprs · 2 years

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the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome

#today is our last day having a deck and i genuinely feel sick to my stomach over it. ik it’s just a piece of wood and it’s falling apart but #omg like… o ur house is about to not be our house anymore. like the deck is where me and my siblings played w our best friends it’s where i #paced back and forth to get fresh air so many times ater losing my shit during lockdown and it’s literally about to be gone…. forever? ok!!!#and then the kitchen is going to go and im going to lose it genuinely. like this house is shitty and rotting and falling apart and its great #that we are getting a renovation finally but jesus christ i have lived here all my life and yeah i hate the kitchen but it’s home and you’re #just gonna tear it down and make jt 3x bigger like it’s nothing??? ok 😂😂😂😂😂😂#purrs #literally im getting war flashbacks to losing the van which was never gonna drive again but it was my SPACE for all of lockdown and #it got fucking junked after being my sanctuary (as unpleasant as it was) for like 2 years not to mention OUR CAR that we did everything in a #and now we have my grandparents car and there isn’t a backseat so i don’t get room to breathe when they drive. and also my grandparents #house has officially been demolished to make way for a fucking mansion and the near total renovation of my high school is almost done which #means the classroom where i became a human being is gone and the office is going to get destroyed too when that renovation happens and we’ll #have to go make a home somewhere else. i know this kind of thing happens but it makes me want to start screaming. like yeah these #renovations will make life better for everyone (except the fucking mansion it’s bc my grandparents died and the developers are selfish and #cruel lol!!!!!) but the way so many of the spaces that have been important to me keep ending up getting destroyed after im done w them. it’s #comforting in a way bc it’s like oh no one else gets to have it be important but also no that ISNT comforting i want those spaces to keep #being sacred i want them to mean something to other people and i want to be able to go back and soak in the memories again. and everyone is #mad at me for freaking out the renovation but it’s like ok you come into our living space you destroy core parts of my childhood and also #create a situation where we literally can’t like eat or cook anything in the house for months like idk what we’re gonna do bc we don’t go #anywhere bc of covid except work for me and school for my brother so. idk. this whole thing SUCKS. i can’t believe it’s starting tomorrow #and i can’t believe the deck is about to be gone. pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain and suffering.

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starrytalking · 2 years

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I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but it’s okay to struggle. You don’t have to have your “life under control” right now. No matter your age and if it seems like everyone else is doing oh so well (believe me, there’s others who struggle as well!), it’s okay to still figure things out and feel like a complete mess. You still have time to grow as a person and find out what works for you and how you want to live your life. Be forgiving with yourself, I know it’s hard but you deserve rest and compassion from yourself!

#starrytalking #yes this is totally about how I feel like I didn’t do enough (aka barely anything) for uni and now have to do everything (which is a lot)#at the same time while I don’t know how I’m suppose to get everything done on time #because it’s so much; so I procrastinate all day and get even less done #but yesterday in the evening I remembered that while I feel like I should be organised and grown up enough to have done better beforehand #so that I wouldn’t feel like this right now #this isn’t actually true. like it feels like this rn but actually‚ I’m in my first year of uni technically no one expects me to have it #all figured out. like sure it would be great but I can still learn how to deal with the different work load and way things work at uni #and it’s okay to fail at times (although I still need to work on accepting that) bug that doesn’t automatically make myself a failure #and it doesn’t erase what I accomplished so far to get where I am right now and it doesn’t erase that I still have plenty of time to grow #so I’ll try to tell myself that more often and just give my best #and yes it feels like my best could be so much better if I had just done things differently a bit ago but NO I can’t change that anymore and #my best right now is still my best right now no matter what I did or didn’t do in the past #but even if you’re older by however many years and you’re reading this: you’re never too old to grow as a person and to figure things out #so if you also feel like a mess right now that’s super valid as well and you don’t need to have figured it all out yet #you can take time as well‚ I hope you’re okay and if you’re not: you can be okay again I think <3 #lol when I’m not ranting to my best friend than on here it’s like a diary xD #uni #college #student #stress #forgiveness #struggle #it’s okay #it’s okay to struggle #compassion #take time

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shoesofthefishermanswife · 2 years

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hiiiii 👀 (hope you’re having a great day and your air is better!!!)

you are the divorce understander mutual. dinah/wu san (so correct for that btw), bruce bullying, ghostbat, writing, stem student mutual. you are like the mutual mutual? you seem to be mutuals with everyone it’s so lovely to see you and all your buddies having a good time on my dash! not rn but this summer you lived the closest to me by far and so you were my weather mutual <3

#i hope you’re having a great day too!!!!#my air is wayyy better! it was 270 when i was going home yesterday #and now it’s down to 115!!!#but so many of my kids at work were feeling the effects it was so sad #had a toddler reaching into her mouth bc her throat was hurting :(#north tag #ask game answers #not dc

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sleepatterns · 14 days

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today has been. hnngngnfhskakdhhhhhh so many weird feelings and not fun thoughts. things our mom said to us + going back to grandparents house was a weird combination. also the conversation we had with our mom had the exact Opposite effect of what she was intending i think because wow holy shit we feel so so fucking awful

#we know that she didnt intend to hurt us but. wow holy shit #also think that we thought about. if she did kick us out i feel like that would be negative for our sister in some ways?#like hypothetically if our mom didnt let us stay here and then much later our sister found out why #would that not make her much more hesitant to tell our mom if she was going through similar shit?#i also just dont see how it would currently be impacting our sister #we dont do anything when shes in the house. we dont let anything show until its healed #the only reason our mom saw was because it was hot as fuck and we were cleaning out our car so we wore shorts #we told her that it was much less frequent and she said it doesn’t matter because we’re still doing it #which is like. yeah its not great but we’ve made progress and it is very much an addiction for us at this point?#not exactly the easiest thing to just Fucking Stop. we have Tried #bfhdh and her saying that whatever we’re trying to do to get better ‘clearly isnt working’#mom!! mom please we are very mentally unwell and are trying our best!!!!#her talking to us about all that just completely blindsided us too. like huh what you’re saying all this now at once #hhhh and her saying we avoid serious conversations. i can understand why she said that but its still frustrating in a way #we dont want to not be good at handling serious situations and is something we are trying to figure out how to be better at #but its hard when we tend to just shut down whenever serious things do come up #it’s something weve talked to our therapist about and is very much a result of how our grandma treated us #we just. dont know how to overcome that. and we feel like if we dont magically resolve it immediately then we’re horrible #our therapist has told us that it will take a While for our brain to realize that we are not in danger #and that our trauma responses may last for Years even with actively working on improving them #however our thoughts always go ‘youre just using that as an excuse to be awful’#hhhhhhhhmeow #did not mean to rant in the tags this much if we had known we were gonna say all this we would’ve just put it in the main post lmao

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trueloveandy · 28 days

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feeling inadequate about my writing tonight

#i don’t really have anywhere else 2 say this #been knocking into way too many cans of gas on bridges yknow and now the only bridges i have left r the spaces that r not doing me too well #admittedly.#it’s more of a me problem #do u know how hard it is to watch people ur age get supported by your friend groups when the only time you’re given the support is when you #claw and scream and beg for it. and even then #im back to not feeling 2 great about my writing #i know their writing is better than mine and that’s fine #it’s not fine but it’s fine . i can cope #i want to believe my writings decent so bad but the only people who read it r my best friend and some girl i met a few weeks ago #if my own friends can’t even fucking try to read it without me crying and begging them too then how is a large scale audience supposed to #if the people who love me and know how important my writing is to me can read it #how are complete strangers supposed to take that gamble #too saturated of a market and im not bringing anything 2 it #starting to think i should just do barrendejng or copywriting or whatever #the people I know are the same ages as me but they’re miles ahead of where I am and I’ve been writing for longer #i don’t think I’m getting better than this.#writing is all I have and I’m so mediocre about it #is it so hard to be asked to be understood and seen. Jesus Christ #ignore this if uve read it. ik shat advice I’m gonna get and its not gonna make feel any better #i just want to give up sometimes.#Anthony’s tumblr adventure #Anthony’s venting arc #there we go. a tag so anyone who follows me on here can block it #venting #that 2 #while I’m here #I wish I knew someone like me.#could fix me maybe idk at least I could feel seen and understood by more than one person #begging. please.

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