#great for their international relations

[darththrog]

The Mexico vs USA memes are endless

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[nevesmose]

Always you do things the most difficult way, and in the most painful manner. You cultivate a martyr’s complex, lurching from man to man, holding out your bleeding wrists so they might see how you hurt yourself. You brood in the shadows when all you want to do is scream, “Look at me!” You are too arrogant to win people over through effort. You expect people to notice you there in the half-darkness, and point and shout out, “There! There is the great Perturabo! See how he labours without complaint!” You came to this court as a precocious child. Your abilities were so prodigious that nobody stopped to look at what you were becoming.

Perturabo: The Hammer of Olympia by Guy Haley

[usefulquotes7]

Being quiet doesn't always signify weakness. Sometimes it takes great strength to find that silence. Sometimes it takes incredible strength to survive. Samira Ahmed, from Internment

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

In the country where your cousins live, the head of state of an ethnic minority has been assassinated and his people’s greatest assets stolen or destroyed. They are forced to beg your cousins for help, who refuse, and they fall to fighting and a pyrrhic victory.

They are exiled and seek asylum, coming through political turmoil in two separate and suffering hosts to your country. Do you a) offer them aid and unite against a common threat, or b) bar many entrance to your realm (the only politically stable area), restrict the places they’re allowed to go, and ban their native language?

Thingol wants to make Doriath great again.

[sanjidysphoria]

also im sorry guys if i seem like im not paying enough attention to the genocide going on in gaza, truth be told i spend 50% on my time talking about it and the other 50 talking about the war in ukraine at uni.

[mermaidsirennikita]

sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like

--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book

--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever

--no "miscommunication trope"

The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?

Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).

If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.

I just don't understand the point.

[donaldtrumpsexcrimesagainst]

8/15 π^2 r^5

1/2 π^2 r^4

4/3 π r^3

Use the 5th physical dimension and higher to differentiate projections from the surrounding universe.

ATTEMPTS ARE CONSTANTLY BEING MADE TO PORTRAY BRADLEY CARL GEIGER AS MERELY AN AUTOMATED REMOTELY CONTROLLED BODY SO THAT HIS ENERGY SIGNATURE IS VIEWED AS BEING A FALSE PROJECTION AND DISREGARDED.

Attempts are also being made to portray him as an alien invader so that he can (and most of the time, is) be attacked with mind control and sensory replacement weapons, or even have unwitting military members deployed to attempt to kill him.

[mueritos]

I’m not quite sure how to word this but I’ve been digging into “lesbian 101” books like Stone Butch Blues, are there are books you think every gay man should read?

hmm. my mind immediately goes to The Velvet Rage, which is a book written by a gay therapist about gay male specific trauma/coping/experiences. Do i think the book is often very white/rich centric in its experiences? Yea, but I also feel what it says about the coping behaviors and experiences that are unique to gay men can provide insight for all kinds of queer men, and have certainly helped me understand the experiences of cis gay men (but also how those experience broach into trans gay male experiences). I think it offers a very important view into gay male culture, including hyper-sexuality, fatphobia, fag-bashing, and more.

Another book that I think all queers should read is Michael Warner's The Trouble with Normal. I have some gripes with Warner himself, but this book is extremely solid in the ways it calls out the LGBTQ movement/organizations into selling out to cis-heteronormativity, social purity, and overall dessexualization of the movement. If anyone needs to read this book, it's definitely the catty gay men who think they are better than other gays for hating "weird" queers.

Those r just two books that come to mind ^-^

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

[busterkeatonsociety]

#MovieMonday Buster Keaton accidentally marries Kate Price in “My Wife’s Relations,” 1922, but he manages to make a great escape…

[deus-ex-mona]

s. s ave me, meoto…

[moonmoonthecrabking]

"kitty's feelings for yuri came out of nowhere" it was set up better in the show than when i realised i had crushes on girls in real life

[red-flagging]

girl why did my dad just send me a picture of a mclaren f1 car outside his office with the caption "is this one of yours"

[spotlightstudios]

I did it boys, three weeks of feverishly thinking about him at work, 12 stickynotes, and a few hours of digitalization and he's alive! (Goofy Ahh Sidekick-)

And some bonus info! Because I do believe with my whole heart that Leon would dress up in that goofy lil wizard costume for his entire school career and then realize it was hella impractical last second and completely rebrand himself.

In the School Era doodles he's about 15-18, and his Pro Hero doodles are ages 19-??? (Whenever he retires or dies ig???)

[aldieb]

good news i feel like my body and mind have been beaten with hammers and i am soooooo happy about everything. move success 👍