#granted my character is pure light side

[plouing]

I just finished chapter one of the Jedi Consular story and like. MY HONOR, THEY ARE SO “canary in a coal mine” CODED

THE PLAGUE???? THE DARK PLAGUE???? THE PLAGUE THEY SHIELD OTHERS FROM AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR OWN HEALTH??????

I AM SO NORMAL RN FRFR

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Of Sin and Sinners

It’s very confusing to me how some refuse to accept that Mairon/Sauron can feel “human-like” emotions like love or lust, while projecting human-like traits like “narcissism” or “sociopathy” onto his character.

Sauron is a immortal deity, who was created by Eru himself. He’s one of the Ainur; he helped shape the world during the Ainulindalë, the “music of the Ainur”. He looks at Middle-earth in ruins and thinks the Valar have forsaken it. He steps in because, in his mindset, he’s the only deity willing to do something about it. Of course he’s “arrogant”, and thinks he owns the place. He helped creating it, in the first place.

You all also conveniently forget just how alike Sauron and Galadriel actually are, and why they are each others foils to begin with. Many of you are falling into the same trap as the “lorebros” by ignoring that character arcs exist and that “Rings of Power” Galadriel is thousands of years away from her Third Age persona. She’s not the “Lady of Light” yet, and even Sauron himself has just begun his “Dark Lord” arc.

Not only Sauron and Galadriel are both arrogant, but self-righteous, too. They both love to be on power-trips. They lie left and right, and manipulate others to get their way. We saw Galadriel do this in both Season 1 and 2, already. They both use others for their own ends. They don’t care about rules, they are their own authority. They are used to get their way, and get pissed when they don’t. They both turned their backs on the Valar (returning to Valinor/refusing their judgement) for the same reason: pride. They know each others minds because they are alike.

Of course Sauron wants her as his queen; she’s the perfect pair for him. And together they would, indeed, wreck havoc. This would be a power couple of nightmares, for everyone around them. There would be no escaping them, they would enslave everyone to their will. They are both beautiful, and Sauron is seductive. He already brought this side of Galadriel to the surface in Season 1, when we saw her flirting with him (and this is probably the explanation for Tolkien approval of Boorman’s script).

I read a lot of people saying that Sauron would destroy Galadriel’s light if she joined him. Actually, she would be far worse than Sauron. Tolkien did say that Gandalf would be worse than Sauron if he had the One Ring, and this is true for Galadriel as well. Which explains these quotes from her:

She recognizes this, she’s not that self-deluded. She’s talking about herself on a power-trip, not about how Sauron would “destroy” her.

This headcanon (and I’ve seen this in the Galadriel x Sauron fandom, too) that Galadriel is some “pure of heart she-elf, holy and divine-like character” is extremely bizarre, because this is not what we are being shown in “Rings of Power”. Nor is it what Tolkien himself wrote. For starters, Tolkien, being extremely religious, would never copy-paste his faith into magical elves. The characters that are granted with that imprint are the Valar themselves because they are meant to be of divine nature (the actual Gods of his lore). And Tolkien himself went back and forward with this idea, too. Maybe he felt it was too blasphemous, I don’t know.

This will be my wildest take yet, but Halbrand turning out to be Sauron is a aphrodisiac for Galadriel, actually. She wanted the king, yes, because the smith wasn’t good enough. But at the end of the day, Halbrand was a Southlander, a “low man”: Galadriel tells him this once they arrived at Númenor in 1x03 (“these men are not like you”). But he turned out to be the most powerful being around, and he wants her at his side. And you can bet that only makes her want him even more. And Sauron is probably aware of this, too.

This is why he’s grinning here: you thought I was a mere “low man”, did you? Even with him on his repentant era, we saw Mairon’s self-control in Season 1. He allowed Galadriel to say all kinds of arrogant stuff to him, and saved this grin for last. His pride was the reason why he couldn’t bring himself to face the Valar’s judgment, after all.

Besides: was she truly deceived by Sauron, or did she deceived herself, in Season 1? Because she’s the one who kept pushing the king of the Southlands onto him, and even acted behind his back with Queen Míriel. This is why Elrond calls her out on her bullsh*t on Season 2: “it was entirely of your choosing”. She wanted the lost king who could ride her to victory, and Sauron delivered.

There’s a lot of misunderstanding of the kind of villain Sauron actually is. He’s a cautionary tale of “be careful of what you wish for”. That’s why he’s the seductive power that makes every dream come true. Listen to Adar, he’s the one who spills the tea in “Rings of Power”. Sauron is a sharer of gifts, a wish granter, but it comes with a cost. And he’s not “chaotic evil”, he’s pure “lawful evil”; he’s methodic, a control freak and highly organized. And that’s why he’s able to gain an insane amount of power for a mere Maia.

Indeed it was; Galadriel went to Eregion, is standing there, and has the Nine, because it’s by Sauron’s design. Everything he did was to culminate in this scene. He’s a mastermind, he planned everything. And you all actually believe it was Elrond on that tent, as if Sauron, the control freak, would let anything to chance. As he so cynically says, himself:

Sauron was able to perceive Finrod, Beren & co infiltrated his fortress masquerading as Orcs, because the Orcs were acting weird. This is how calculating he truly is. Morgoth was the brute force, Sauron was the mind. And you can bet Morgoth’s overworked secretary Sauron had everything catalogued, curated and organized by size, shape and color, back at Angband fortress. He had that thing running like clockwork. He was created as a Maia of order, after all.

For my Zodiac enthusiastics out there: this villain is peak Virgo energy. Everyone associates Sauron with fire, but nah, his whole personality is Earth element-coded (and Aulë himself is very connected with Earth element, not only by creating mountains and gems/minerals, but he’s also married to “Queen of the Earth”, Yavanna).

He did had some bumps along the way: killing Celebrimbor in a rage fit, and Galadriel getting captured by Adar, but it all worked out for him in the end (except Galadriel throwing herself off a cliff, he wasn’t counting on that one, either):

We saw him lose control in “Rings of Power” and acting chaotic because it was meant to symbolize his return to “his old ways”, his fall into evil again, into Morgoth’s servitude. Morgoth was “chaotic evil”, he was the nihilistic God who wanted to destroy and corrupt everything Eru created. This is not Sauron’s character at its core.

And this is not “gaslighting” either. This is Sauron actually talking facts. It was Celebrimbor’s arrogance and vanity that allowed him to “fall prey” to Sauron. And he, indeed, chose it. Because Celebrimbor wanted to surpass Fëanor, he wanted to craft legendary objects, he wanted to create a mythos like his grandfather’s Silmarils. And Sauron gave him just that. Celebrimbor’s sins are pride (vanity), greed and envy.

Celebrimbor couldn’t care less about Halbrand (the “low man”); he used his knowledge and then forgot about him, not because Galadriel told him to, but because Halbrand was no longer useful to him. He had already forged the Three Elven rings of power (to help the Elves cheat death). And is with this that Sauron tempts him, again. And he becomes the emissary of the Valar because that’s what Celebrimbor wanted, that’s the validation he was seeking (like Galadriel wanted the king of the Southlands).

This goes back to Adar in 2x06:

Adar: But sooner or later, he sees you. Not just who you are, but who you wish to be. His eye bores a hole and the rest of him slithers in. For a while, he even makes you believe that his power has become yours. Irresistible power... that makes every desire's fulfillment seem inevitable. An ocean of color against which everything else feels forever thereafter... Galadriel: A dull gray. Adar: What did he promise you? [...] Do you want to know what he offered me? [...] Children. Galadriel: Then it would seem he gave us both what we desired. Adar: You see, it is not his lies which must be extinguished. It is him.

And this is perfectly aligned with Tolkien religious message: sin, and the price to pay for being a sinner.

These characters are not “hopeless victims” of Sauron. They are active participants on their own torment by choosing to sin, and this is symbolically represented by them aligning themselves with evil (Sauron). This is pure Christian doctrine. The showrunners have to spin it into “modern takes” of “domestic abuse” or whatever for the audience to understand, but that’s not the core message here. This is Tolkien preaching, folks. This is Tolkien saying “you all need Jesus”.

Adar and Galadriel parallel each other in a lot of ways, too. In Tolkien lore, Galadriel is described as “repentant sinner”. And Adar is a repentant sinner, too, making amends.

In the legendarium, Galadriel’s sins are pride and greed (power hungry). And “Rings of Power” built upon this and added a new one: lust. She turned her back on the Valar, and that’s why she’s banished from Valinor (heaven) in the first place.

I’ve read some speculating that she’s not actually banished and only remains on Middle-earth because she wants to. But no, that doesn’t fit Tolkien lore; the legendarium is fluid, and allows for multiple interpretations, but the core message needs to be there, all the same. Galadriel’s punishment for sinning is to be banished from heaven and she needs to repent to be allowed to return. This make complete sense with Tolkien’s work and his religious views.

But in “Rings of Power”, Galadriel’s greed is also connected with her love for Halbrand/Sauron (and I already talked about this here). So far, we haven’t see Galadriel expressing her desire to have a kingdom of her own; it’s Sauron that introduces this point, and he’s the reason why she refuses the Valar’s pardon and stays on Middle-earth, to begin with (to hunt him down).

Meaning: the reason for Galadriel’s banishment will have to be connected with Sauron in “Rings of Power”, because that’s the angle the show is exploring and working on, and they can’t ignore her banishment because that’s a huge deal in her overall character’s arc, and why she becomes “Lady of Light” and fights Sauron. When she rejects Frodo’s offer of the One Ring in the Third Age it’s her last temptation, and she humbles herself and proves to the Valar that she’s worthy of returning to Valinor, at last.

And this leads me to another notion: catholic guilt. I was raised catholic in a extremely catholic country (it’s cultural), so I recognize many of Tolkien’s religious background on his work without trying (he, too, was a catholic), and the Tolkien experts of “Rings of Power” seem to be heading in this direction, too, and that explains why Galadriel and Sauron have romantic and sexual chemistry, and there’s so much sexual innuendo in their interactions.

A crown (clitorical symbol = vagina) penetrating a sword (phallic symbol = penis)? “Rings of Power” can’t get any more obvious than this with the Freudian symbolism.

“Catholic guilt” is the deep feeling of shame after having sinned. This is often associated with sex, and having a high sex drive (usually females). And this makes perfect sense with the Eldar customs (sex = marriage; sex = children; and other puritan views of sexual acts), and why any Elf would feel deeply ashamed, guilty and in need of repenting for thousands of years (“catholic guilt”) after going against these rules.

What does this mean? Galadriel will get a taste of that D, sooner or later. And it makes more sense for it to happen when he’s fully Sauron (and not Halbrand), indeed. Because then, she can’t racionalize it as “having been deceived”. And for that sense of deep shame and guilt to kick in, she’ll have to want it, too; it has to be consensual, on her part.

And for this she’ll be punished (banished from Valinor) and will have to repent for thousands of years into the future. Even if they don’t explicitly say this on the show (which they won’t, not only they won’t go there but this religious message doesn’t really fit nowadays standards). I highly doubt any this will be explicit, at all, but there will be innuendo, symbolism, and clues of this happening in future seasons. It might even happen in Season 3, actually (in connection with Galadriel spiraling down into darkness as a consequence of Morgoth’s crown wound).

[aquatik]

it’s cold outside , neuvillette 𓆝

synopsis from the shark lover -> not many know much about fontaine’s iudex, but one thing is for sure he does not particularly like the cold. so there must be a reason behind him wanting to visit one of the coldest places on teyvat, right?

@franciosn merry christmas! hi, its your secret santa for @2023gisecretsanta :) i tried to include a little bit of furina and kept it as canon as i could! hope you enjoy <3

genshin impact masterlist

characters -> neuvillette x reader, furina appearance

word count -> 2.2k

content -> oneshot; fluff, (mostly)true cannon, pre-archon quest, mutual pinning, friends to future lovers — gender neutral reader

the people of fontaine know little of their chief justice, truthfully speaking. it was rare to see the iudex out on the lively streets of the court of fontaine where countless gathered and proceeded with their lives. if it wasn’t for his consistent appearance in opera epiclese seated at the chief justice’s post, the people of fontaine would’ve assumed he was a phantom in their nation. 

nobody knows his true name as he wishes to be referred to as his surname. 

he has always rejected any form of relationship with the people of fontaine outside of the court in order to remain professional. the only exception to this is the melusines, as he is always found sporting a small smile whenever talking to them. he’s truly does view them as the pride of fontaine.  

and most importantly, he’s never been seen absent from the opera epiclese, ever so dedicated to his role as the chief justice of fontaine. 

at least, this is what furina knows. 

“EHHH!” furina exclaimed, shaking her hands outwards in disagreement. “No, no, no, that won’t do! Who’s going to be here to—uhm—run the court proceedings! Yes, run the court proceedings!” she smirked triumphantly, her hands resting on her hips.   

she huffed proudly, taking a few steps towards neuvillette, “my dear iudex, you can’t simply abandon your post…what about all of the cases?” 

she can confidently say she knows her chief justices by the back of her hand, in and out after all these years they’ve worked together. so why on teyvat would he be requesting a leave?

granted it was only for 5 days, but five days is five days! he’s never requested a leave, even refusing to take sick days!

he sighed, turning away to grab a glass of water, “lady furina, correct me if i’m wrong, but aren’t you the god of justice, focalors? surely you can handle a few days dealing with court proceedings, can't you?” he responded, fighting a chuckle from erupting from his throat at the expression now casted on her face.

“b-but—you don’t even like the cold! why in the name of teyvat would you visit one of the coldest places in the seven nations!” she stammered, taking small but quick steps towards him.

he was drinking from his glass, and she glanced to the side to see the glass bottle labeled from the cider lake found in mondstadt. she recalls him mentioning how the water in mondstadt had crisp and pure notes, not that she ever could tell the difference between the different waters of the nations. but wait, mondstadt? 

she glanced back over at the chief justice who was still drinking from his glass, but the clear vessel gave furina a straight reflection on the light pink dusting his cheeks. on that note, she could also see the tips of his ears blushing the same color.

she recalls again the faint whispers of rumors of the recent appearances of the chief justices in the the streets, who recently began glancing at one specific floral vendor stand. it was common for this vendor to have a lot of visitors, after all, they offered flowers from the seven different regions. what was uncommon was for the iudex of fontaine to consistently begin visiting the vendor, leaving every time with a bouquet. 

many thought their chief justice had a secret lover that he kept buying arrangements for, but furina knew otherwise. after all, how could she be the god of justice if she couldn’t solve such a simple case. it was clear to her: the secret lover, or at least, the one who caught his eye was the florist themself. 

well it would explain why new vases of freshly cut and cared for flowers kept filling his office. 

he shook his head, clearing his throat as he put the glass down, “well? am i wrong, lady furina?” he attempted to distract her, but he could see the playfulness in her eyes. 

furina smirked knowingly at the distant view in the chief justice’s eyes, “fine, fine. i suppose i can handle the court for a few days…i will cast judgment upon our courts!” she exclaimed, laughing while one hand rested over her stomach, the other lifting her top hat as she twirled it in the air. 

such theatrics only fitting for their archon. 

“monsieur neuvillette, are you sure you can accompany me?” you asked, reaching to grab your travel bag. “i should be fine on my own, you needn’t worry about me.”

the iudex chuckled gently, shaking his head, “like i said, i’ve been meaning to visit myself. it’s no worries.”

as you both walked to romaritime harbor, you hummed. “monsieur, if you don’t mind me asking…” you started, waiting for his response.

he nodded, “please, go on. you have no reason to hesitate to ask me any questions.” he answered.

“well, forgive me if it’s forward, but why must you visit dragonspine?”

his eyes widened ever so slightly and you began to wonder if you indeed did overstep. before you could correct yourself, he gently laughed.

“i suppose i didn't say why. please forgive me,” he said, turning to you. “i have a particular— well, i guess you could call it a hobby. i like drinking and tasting different waters. i’ve heard the water in dragonspine has a distinct taste to it, and it’s best to drink it as fresh as possible.”

you hummed once again, nodding, “well that does make sense. different minerals and the area surrounding the water source do play a role in the taste of the water, i’d suppose.”

his eyes widened gently again and this time he turned away. what you didn’t know is that usually whenever he brought up this hobby of his, people usually brushed it off, saying that all water tasted the same.

strange…what was that feeling in his chest…

he paid no mind to it further and you both continued your journey to romaritime harbor.

after you both made it to the romaritime harbor, you landed in qingce village. from there, you both began to travel towards the city of freedom. you both had planned to stay the night at an inn and in the morning head off to dragonspine.

“you said it was a variety of cecilia you were looking for, correct?” neuvillette asked as you both entered the borders of the land of anemo.

“correct!” you answered with a small smile. you walked over to a small patch of cecilia’s you had spotted. crouching down, your palm rested on the petals of the white flower. “cecilia’s are a flower native to mondstadt. once when i was exploring the foot dragonspine, i found a different variety which grew in the colder climates. truthfully, those cecilia’s started my love for botany.”

neuvillette hummed, crouching down to your level. you glanced over at him and saw a rather serious expression, failing to notice his eyes softening. 

you thought he was bored of your conversation but before you could apologize he hummed, “could you tell me more?”

“tell you more…?” you spoke with a hint of surprise in your voice.

he cleared his throat, standing back up, “well, yes. or perhaps that may be a conversation better suited for tomorrow’s expedition.”

you nodded, enjoying the subtle breeze passing by the both of you. “right…good idea. it’s about time to check in anyways.” 

“monsieur neuvillette, are you sure you don’t require another jacket? i’d be more than willing to get you another one—“

“it's quite alright, i don’t mind the cold,” he spoke through chattering teeth, betraying his words. even so, you found it rude to push otherwise. 

you both barely began to tread up the snow covered path and you could already tell he was uncomfortable by the cold. you had heard before how monsieur neuvillette wasn’t the most comfortable with the cold, which is why you found it strange he wanted to accompany you in the first place. surely there were companies that could send over dragonspine water?

nevertheless you sighed, rubbing your hands to create heat through friction, “alright, if you say so…”

besides the cold, the path up dragonspine always amazed you with its beauty. you could even see neuvillette appreciating said beauty though his shivering.

your original goal was to make it to starglow cavern, it’s where you’ve found the most cecilia’s in dragonspine in the past. but from the looks of it, you might have to call it early. you both made it to the entombed city and try as he might, you could tell neuvillette was starting to get uncomfortable with the cold.

“there should be a small patch of the cecilia’s up ahead from what i remember. we can grab those and head back down.”

neuvillette hummed, speaking through a shiver, “but surely you need much more than a small patch…”

you nodded, turning over to him, “well yes, but i’d rather not compromise your well-being. you might develop a cold at this rate,” you said, pointing at his nose how it had become red with the cold. strangely enough, it became redder in color when you called it out. 

you turned around quickly, not wanting to keep him in this weather, “i think i see a few up ahead!” you began walking quicker as neuvillette followed your snow covered footprints.

and you were right, there was a patch of cecilia’s that had a distinct blue glow to them. you hypothesized a while back that they adapted to the climate of the mountains and this was the result of that adaptation. you carefully picked them and placed them into your basket that was lined with cryo packets to keep them fresh.

you hummed gleefully, “alright, let’s go!”

neuvillette sighed, shaking his head, “my apologies, i didn’t mean to cut your trip short…”

“it’s alright, sometimes we don’t know our own limits,” you smiled gently at him. “now come on, i don’t want to be responsible for getting the iudex sick.”

he wordlessly took the basket from you, carrying it for you as you both began to descend the portion of the mountain. “rest assured, i rarely get sick.”

“then let me make sure this isn’t one of those rare occasions,” you playfully added.

neuvillette was waiting for you in front of the gates of mondstadt as you both had agreed on last night once returning from dragonspine. it had been about 10 minutes after your agreed time and he was beginning to worry. at this point, he almost contemplated warning a guard, but he was your figure walking towards the gates.

your eyes widened. you didn’t expect him to be at the gates yet, wasn’t your meeting time in an hour? that’s when it hit you: you might’ve lost track of time. 

“where have you been? i was starting to worry…” he started, walking towards you.

you laughed sheepishly, “sorry, i got sidetracked. but here, this is for you!” you said, reaching into your travel bag to get a flask of water. “i have a few more in my bag, don’t worry, it should stay fresh with the cryo packets.”

while you were explaining how the water should hopefully taste fresh, he had to think for a moment. water? well, yes. that was the original purpose he came along with you, or so everyone thought. but as he looked at you, you seemed to be in the same outfit from when you both went up dragonspine…

“thank you. but, did you go back up the mountain?” he asked, his eyes ever observant.

“not really,” you lied, “i had commissioned someone to get a few more cecilias and i thought it was a good opportunity to commission some of the flasks of water you wanted.”

“then why are you in mountain-climbing attire?” he asked, pushing more.

you hummed, “well i did have to meet them a bit into the mountain, i didn’t want to get cold.”

it took him a few moments but he nodded, “very well, my apologies for doubting you…”

then it dawned on him— you remembered his reason for joining you. you even went out of your way to commission someone to fulfill his wish. truthfully, he had exported water from dragonspine previously. he has heard water from dragonspine tastes better when freshly collected, but truthfully, he didn’t care about that this time around. he just wanted to spend time with you.

his cheeks dusted with pink at the realization as he turned away, coughing into his hand. “we should get going now.”

you nodded, “yeah, let me go change…” you gently responded, cheeks dusted with a blush that could’ve been confused for cold weather.

thankfully, he didn’t catch on it seemed. you did go back to dragonspine. while you could’ve commissioned someone to get more cecilias, you pride yourself in hand picking all the flowers in your store. there was also the fact you wanted to get neuvillette’s water. it made your heart race a little knowing he wanted to come with you and you felt bad having him leave empty handed. 

both of your white lies seemed to pay off.

while you both rode back to fontaine, neuvillette wondered how he could tell you the truth. perhaps over a nice dinner would suffice…

note -> merry christmas everyone &lt;3

@yyuangss @2023gisecretsanta

[mockerycrow]

UNDERCOVER VII (Soap x GN!Reader)

undercover series masterlist — previous | next

summary: taking a break from telling your experiences, Soap and you spend the day together. He takes you from your room as to allow you to see more. Unfortunately for the both of you, Soap didn't bother to inform anyone of this decision. 3.8k words.

a/n: HELLO!!! YES!!! you are not imagining things! chapter seven is FINALLY out. i went on two separate impromptu hiatuses and i am going on another one at the end of this month until around november, so i wanted to get this out for y’all. i appreciate all of y’all’s patience. i love you guys. during this flashback/ptsd attack, bolted italics are present when characters are speaking russian. [THIS DOES NOT FOLLOW REBOOT MW CANON.]

[WARNINGS; light fluff(!!!), ptsd, death/suicide ideation, angst, hospital setting, death and gore, reader is not a good person morally, military inaccuracies, overall TRIGGER WARNING.]

“Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?” ― Clarice Lispector.

Lucky for me, my internal request about being left alone was granted. I skipped a meal, despite the worried glare of the main nurse taking care of me. I’m sure they wanted to put the feeding tube back into my throat—they surely looked like it. Or was that the look of genuine worry? Did I forget what it looked like? When I woke up this morning, they certainly made sure I got some food in me. I appreciate the nurses and the doctors and their efforts in taking care of me. I recognize I cannot be an easy patient by any means; whether that means the paperwork, the security… My behavior? I applaud them.

I wish I could get them a gift or something. Maybe once I’m out of their care. Is that weird?

I’ve always woken up pretty early—courtesy of Makarov’s strange routines—so when I woke up and didn’t see Soap by my side, I wasn’t too surprised. He probably has drills and routines of his own. Woke up, ate breakfast which looked absolutely immaculate, however I’m in a very weird.. flux right now. I’m not sure how to exactly describe it, but the food looked great but felt like flavorless blobs. Perhaps my tastebuds are deceiving me, or what they gave me was just pure shit. Hm.

Before he left last night, Soap assured me today was a rest day. I couldn’t help myself, but I winced at his statement. It probably wasn’t for my benefit, but for theirs. Any information I have can be a lot of paperwork, a lot of.. Meetings, I guess. I don’t know. I’m bitter, but I’m grateful for the break. 

By the time 0900 rolled around, Soap strolled into my room. Fucker had the brightest smile on his face, his lip curling just enough to expose his gum around his right upper canine. “Back on babysitting duty?” I ask, my tone flatter than usual. Soap chuckles, his boots clicking against the waxed tile as he approaches my bedside. My eyes scan his attire; dark grey t-shirt, tucked into a dark grey pair of cargo pants and regular boots. Belt, holster with the gun. Huh, surprising. My eyes glance back up at his face as Soap spoke.

“Don’ be like that, aye? Ye don’t hafta think of it like that.” Soap insists, his hand grabbing my shoulder, gently might I add. I huff—his touch burns until he removes his hand. “Look, I’m sure ye don’t want t’be held in here all day. I have an idea.” He proposes with a twinkle in his eyes. I raise an eyebrow, unable to disguise how intrigued I actually am. “Oh?” I ask, my voice low like earlier. There’s a funny feeling in my stomach. Soap throws his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the stationary wheelchair that’s remained in the corner since last night. “Why don’t we take a walk?” 

My lip curls for a moment, my eyes darting between him and the wheelchair. “You mean ‘wheel around’?” I raise an eyebrow, poking fun at him. Soap lets out a tsk and shakes his head. “Haud yer wheesht.” Soap utters before turning around, crouching down to unlock the wheels of the wheelchair. “Jokes on you, I dunno what that means.” I reply snarkily, unable to keep the smile out of my voice. “It means ‘shut up’.” He replies as if he’s gracing me with great information.

I roll my eyes, cautiously pushing the blankets down off of my legs. I wince for a moment and Soap’s legs as well as the wheelchair come into view as I get myself settled. “I’ll wheel ya, you just need t’hold the.. The fuckin’ IV thing.” Soap mutters, gesturing to the IV pole. “Soap.” I say, my tone flat.

He looks back at me with his big blue eyes—all innocent like. Fucker. “It’s a pole to hold IV bags on. So, what is it called?” I ask him like he’s a child, my tone high pitched and overly nice. Soap’s face tints pink and taps the wheelchair with his foot, pulling at the collar of his shirt. “You have an attitude, might I say.” Soap lets out a nervous laugh; he’s embarrassed and nothing is making me happier than this moment right now. I grunt as I allow Soap to help me into the wheelchair. My legs happen to be fine, but my stomach and ribs are still quite tender and sore.

“It’s called an IV pole, Soap.”

“Jesus Christ, I know.”

I hate to admit it, but Soap is a pretty good babysitter. I don’t think many people would willingly take me out of my room and help me get some fresh air, at least not like this. We’ve gone a couple of laps around the ward I’m allowed to roam and in a way, I’m appreciative of him allowing me to grasp more of the area I’m in. I wonder if he’s ever been in my position, or has known someone to be in a similar position? Bedbound, anxious? …Paranoid?

I wonder.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts as I hear a light beep from my right. I turn my head to where my IV pole, the little electronic box attached to it is lit up. “Hm?” Soap hums, his eyes trailing to where I’m looking. He grabs the pole and spins it towards himself, eyes scanning over the screen. Soap’s lips part for a second in understanding, but my eyes stay on the scar hidden underneath his mess of stubble. “Jus’ administerin’ more painkillers. It’s on a timer.”

I force myself to look away with a nod. I nearly slip back into my thoughts when I feel Soap begin to pull the wheelchair backwards. My eyes widen and I quickly grab the IV pole to drag along. I twist my head to face him the best I can despite the screw in my jaw. “Where are we going? My room’s just down the hall.” I question, turning my head, watching the door get smaller in size. Soap hums, turning the wheelchair around to push to where he was pulling it. He doesn’t answer me.

My fingers twitch around the IV pole and I quickly stop myself. Stop. Soap would’ve hurt me already if he wanted to. He has a pistol in the holster against his hip right on his belt. If he were to wish to hurt me, he would’ve already spilled my brains. Shut the fuck up.

Like you spilled hers?

What?

I blink, a beat passes, and we’re in a different hallway. One I haven’t seen before. “Soap..?” I ask louder, my heart fluttering in my chest. I’m getting nervous. Soap bends down to my ear; I can feel the wheelchair adjust under the added weight on the handles. “S’alright, just goin’ to take a longer walk. New areas, fresher air.” Soap murmurs, his breath brushing against my ear. I let out a harsh breath as he stood up straight, and.. And that fucker is humming. “Is this even allowed?” I ask, my voice quiet as my eyes dart around.

Soap lets out a laugh, slowing down a bit with his walking. “Does it matter? I’ve done much worse, this is nothin’.” 

“I don’t want to get in trouble,” I protest, but my protests are clearly weak because the bastard continues to push me down the hall. Soap lets out an amused chuckle, one of his hands coming down on my shoulder, squeezing it through my hospital gown. I flinch a bit as I didn’t expect him to touch me. “Ye’ll be fine. I’ll take the fall if it comes down to it.” His touch was gentle.

I go to argue with him again because it’s likely that it wouldn't work and wouldn’t matter, but I decide against it. Only then does his hand return to the other handle of the wheelchair. 

That’s one thing I’ve noticed about men like Soap. They’re much more touchy than you would think they would be. Most folks think that military men would have an aversion to touch, they think that these men are the epitome of their versions of masculinity. Men like Soap, though? They have no problems giving each other a hug, have no quarrels giving each other a forehead bump with each other. Hell, when you’re stuck in the middle of a blizzard, you don’t get choices; you huddle and cuddle, or you fucking die.

Soap’s touch, though.. His hand was heavy, big. Radiating heat like a portable heater through my hospital gown. It makes me wonder if his teammates are the same? They’re all in one task force, they must have seen some shit together, been through shit together. Hm. 

Soap could’ve survived the harsh winters I had been through due to him. 

Maybe. Maybe not.

I shouldn’t keep thinking of him right now, not when I don’t have to, but he won’t fucking leave my brain. I can almost hear his voice sometimes and it’s absolutely nauseating. I can’t say that I was the closest to him, but I was pretty damn up there in his ranks. I was always a go-to for a multitude of things. Things I no longer wish to fucking remember. Maybe he should’ve ended me right now. Maybe I should’ve finished the job when I got the chance.

His men were kind of touchy which was never surprising to me. Being under harsh conditions together, relying on each other to keep the other safe? It creates a bond like no other. They tended to be touchy with me in due time, too. I’m not sure how I was able to handle it for so long. Every brush of their hands on my shoulders, every shoulder and elbow bump, it felt like hot irons painfully maiming my skin, branding me for everything I’ve done.

He was touchy at times, too. It made me wanna vomit. 

..Well, now it does. At the moment, though, not really. Which just.. Makes everything worse. One part of me wishes I refused the assignment. I truly fucking feel like I should’ve. Now he’s everywhere in my life, invading the parts he was never supposed to be in. It’s not like I exactly expected this assignment to go incredibly smoothly, no. That’s quite frankly really fucking stupid to do, but I at least expected this to be smoother than it has been. Perhaps that’s been my flaw this entire time, I’m not sure. 

With him, you can never know. That’s one thing that I had to learn pretty damn quick. If you thought you knew what his plans were, you better backtrack five steps and rethink it all because you are definitely not on the right track. I guess that’s one thing I can give him; he’s always been intelligent, so much so to an annoying degree. With every report I gave, it felt like everything I was finding out was contradictory to my previous report. Even now, is the information I’m giving the 141 accurate? 

I’m not even sure anymore, not after the fact that he left me alive in that warehouse. I seriously doubt he left me alive for a reason. He’s the one who’s always put two in the head to make sure the person was dead. That’s perhaps the singular good thing he ever taught me.

I feel those leathers hands on my shoulders in my dreams.

There’s a touch on my shoulder and I jolt out of my thoughts, jerking my shoulder away, causing a lightning bolt of pain to pulse through my arm. I hiss, my hand grabbing my shoulder. “Shit,” Soap’s voice filters through my ears, and it does little to calm my pounding heart. When did it start pumping this hard..? “Are ye alrigh’? Didnae mean to startle you.” 

Fucking hell.

My hand is on my chest, feeling the desperate pound underneath. I realize I haven’t answered him and I give him a little nod. “Just startled me, is all.” I croak out. It takes me a second to look around, to get my bearings. “Was worried for a sec, was talkin’ an’ ya didn’t respond. Couldn’t tell if you were spaced out or ignorin’ me.” Soap jests. We’re still in a hallway, but possibly a different wing?--- The hallway of my ward had a long red strip in the middle of the wall, following the hallway. The stripe on this wall is yellow. I need to focus and pay attention, Jesus Christ. 

“Was thinking,” I utter. “Sorry.”

“About?” Soap begins to push the wheelchair again; my fingers twitch around the IV pole. How am I supposed to explain that? Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? 

How am I supposed to tell him I was thinking about him?

“Just..” I begin, my lip twitching as I rack my brain for an excuse. “I had a—”

“OI!”

I flinch at the booming voice from down the hall, jolting so hard in my wheelchair it scoots forward a bit. My free hand instinctively forms into a fist as suddenly, it was an empty hall and now I’m back in a fucking warehouse with a pistol in my hands. The, the fucking smell of the warehouse burns my nose, the concrete floor caked in blood and somebody’s organs—looks like a kidney, honestly. I don’t fucking know, what the fuck is happening? My hand is shaking; my finger is still on the trigger. My hand is vibrating. I pulled it, didn’t I? I glance forwards where the puddle is and there’s two bodies. I don’t.. I don’t remember their names, but fucking hell. 

“Don’t fret over them. They lived and died like the dogs they were.”

‘They were fucking human beings! They had lives, fucking friends and family, aspirations! Don’t tell me who and what to not fret over, you fucking freak!’ I try to scream at him—he’s behind me. My mouth opens and it’s moving, but nothing is leaving. I cough and choke, dropping the pistol, which rattles against the ground with a clank. My throat is tight and I reach for it, my eyebrows furrowed. I pull my fingers back and they’re slick and hot with my blood.

Fuck. FUCK. 

I blink; he stands in front of me, holding the pistol. His fucking.. Leather gloves, holding the grip, his finger hovering over the trigger. Am I dreaming? 

Please fucking tell me I’m dreaming.

The gun is aimed at my head and my hands naturally raise upwards—fuck, I can’t stop shaking! Cold sweat drips down my temple—he aims at my stomach and the pistol fires, so loud that my ears ring. I flinch, and I feel horrible bile bubble up in my throat as fierce, hot pain lights up my stomach. I try to talk but that vomit decides to bubble and hurl out of my mouth. I bend over, my eyes filling with hot tears.

It hurts—it hurts so fucking bad and none of this makes sense. 

It fucking burns.

I blink—and I gasp, and suddenly I’m back in the hospital. My vision is blurring, I’m laying down on something—it hurts, it hurts it hurts it hurts—

“I know it does, I know.” A deep voice says. Soap? 

..M–

No, it’s Soap. Soap.

It isn’t him.

There’s hands on my wrists, holding them down at my sides as someone wraps something around my head, something bumping against my nostrils. I feel vomit bubble out of my mouth and—then it’s dark.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been out, but my head fucking hurts. And so does my stomach.. And my back… and my jaw. Along with everything else.

I feel myself laying on a plush surface; there’s some soft beeping present, too. My throat aches and I find it hard to open my eyes. It takes a few minutes, definitely. Once I’m able to open my eyes, I squint to adjust my eyes to the room. The familiar room comes into focus with the red stripe in the room; it’s dark, it’s night-time. My hand comes up to my face, feeling an oxygen tube on my nose. I groan softly and I try to move my other hand, but something is restricting it..?

Don’t tell me.

I lift my head and I look down. My heart drops, seeing one of my wrists shackled back to the railing of the hospital bed via handcuffs. I swallow some spit that accumulated in my mouth before letting my head drop back down onto the pillow. It did nothing to soothe the ache in my throat. “Fuck.” I croak out. Of course—I lose privileges. For something that wasn’t my fault.

I’m alone.

Moments like these make me wish I could retreat into my mind and hide like I did when I was in that warehouse, or when I had committed violent crimes for him. I could blink one moment and I would be in a different room. There’s probably a lot that I don’t remember—I’m not sure how my recounts will be useful. Maybe it’s because when it comes to Makarov, it’s not like he’ll be subjected to an international court.

If they get their hands on the monster, they’ll kill him. Torture him, maybe. I don’t know. Nobody follows rules all of the time, that’s for sure.

I hear the hospital door swing open and my eyes immediately flicker over to it—I see Soap walk in with two plates of food. His eyes glance over to me and he lights up for a moment before he looks a bit somber. “Hey, you’re awake.” Soap utters; his voice is a special type of soft. Guilt, probably. “Yeah.” I respond quietly, my handcuffed hand twitching a bit. He walks over and grabs the rolling over-bed tray, carefully rolling it over my lower body. My eyes track his movements as he does. Soap sets the plate down before clicking a button on my bed, slowly sitting up the head of it.

I glance down at the food. I’m definitely hungry, but I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to hold down. I wince, the pain jaw aching from the angle change. “Sorry.” Soap murmurs, his own plate of food in one hand, the other reaching back to drag a chair closer to my bed. I just hum, closing my eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm the throbbing in my jaw. My eyes open after a moment and I look at the food once more. Definitely more appetizing now, and I notice Soap only got light foods, stuff you can hold down with an upset stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Soap utters, leaning closer, picking at his food. I look at him, seeing how his brow is furrowed and he’s kind of pouting. My lip twitches from the display. He looks up from his plate to me, lifting his plastic fork to dig it into the fat of his lower frowning lip. “You were right, y’know? Handcuffed ‘cause of me.” He mumbles, letting out a sigh. He seems genuinely apologetic, and a bit guilty for what happened earlier. 

“Partially my fault,” I respond, trying to minimize the movement of my jaw. “Had a little freak out. I don’t do so well with yelling, it seems.”

“So you say.” Soap immediately quips before he sinks down a little. “Too much?”

“Just a bit.”

He nods in response, eating a little piece of overly cooked steak. “Got it.” Soap chews it and swallows it, eyeing me. “Not eatin’, hm? Pain?”

I let out a tense sigh and I mutter a quick, “yeah”. Without missing a beat, Soap leans over and clicks the nurse button in order for a nurse to come to my room. “Bit weird, I thought it was on a dispensary timer.” He responds, but gives a shrug. His eyes scan my face, which causes me to look away for a moment because his eye contact is, I don’t know. It’s bothering me right now. “Do ye want t’talk about what happened?” Soap questions. I can hear food in his mouth.

Do I want to talk about what happened? Would it be for the record?

“I don’t know.” I respond honestly. “I barely remember it.” That isn’t exactly a lie. “It makes me feel like I’m losing it if I do.”

I glance at Soap and he takes a moment to process my words, chewing whatever's stuffed into his mouth from his plate. “Everybody has their demons, [name],” Soap murmurs, his voice deep and gritty. His words hold a heavy weight to them, and I feel a metaphorical weight on my chest for a second. “There’s no shame.”

I let out a huff. “I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last, huh?” I mumble. “Aye.” Soap responds. He goes to speak once more, but a nurse, the one from the beginning, walks in with a concerned face. “What’s wrong?” He asks, his voice tight. I swallow hard. “My, uh, jaw.. Everything else, it all hurts.” I try to explain, trying to keep my voice steady but there’s an uncomfortable croak to it.

I watch the nurse walk over to the IV pole and fiddle with the lines. I then close my eyes and lay my head back against the pillow properly, the nausea kind of getting to me. I have this uncomfortable, empty feeling in my belly and it’s almost anxiety inducing. Maybe it’s from anxiety in general. I don't know. 

How do you recover from something like this? Do I deserve to recover from something like this? After everything that I’ve done in the name for the “greater good”, something both my handler and Makarov told me.. Two sides to the same coin. Was all of the bloodshed and death worth it? 

Was any of it worth it?

Maybe this is something I’ll be thinking about until I die. Hell, I really did think I would die before coming back here. I thought maybe one day I would slip up on a random loyalty test Makarov would administer and he would be done with me right then and there. I wonder if dying then would’ve been better? Oh, I slipped up and failed my mission, I wouldn’t have to be here to suffer the consequences.

Maybe that’s why I am still here. To suffer any consequence of what I’ve contributed to, and done. I wonder if they will still see use, or value in me once they get the information they need from me. Will they discard me like a toy so easily just as Makarov had? Breaking someone is easy, but it depends on how good someone is able to put the pieces back together. I’m certainly broken, even though I don’t want to think about it.

But will they be able to put the pieces back together?

..Will I?

The pain in my jaw eases as well as my ribs and stomach. I think I can eat now.

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[solar-wing]

⚣ Magical Lessons in Ass-Whooping ☀️

⚣☀️ A/N → If you remember, this was like a snippet out of a story I was going to write for Conner x an original character. Haven't decided if I'm going to continue it, but I definitely want to write my scenarios and shots like this. Hope you guys enjoy it for those reading the first time and even those reading a second! WARNINGS: Canon-Typical Violence, Tension, Implied homewrecking

⚣☀️ Summary → Considering you've spent your entire life learning and studying magic from the moment you could utter your first words, it'd make sense for you to eventually start teaching and helping others. Especially those who are currently providing you refuge as things back home are a bit dangerous. But, one of them is going to learn that our knowledge is not just limited to thaumaturgy and the arcane. 'Talk shit, get hit' is a global phenomenon.

⚣☀️ Words → 2.8k

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY ☀️

“And just make sure to control your breathing…you got it!” You cheered.

A bright glimmer enveloped the room as little wisps of light started appearing around the room, forming tiny butterflies. You’d been helping Zatanna train and master her magic while also teaching her some new tricks. 

You hailed from a hidden kingdom, created from a divine gift bestowed on to your ancestor from the powerful deity linked to the sun. This power continued to pass on to their descendants, every eldest child in your bloodline blessed with the power of our solar system’s star, making you and your ancestors some of the most powerful beings to live in existence.

It was a heavy responsibility, bearing the mantle of the ‘Child of the Sun,’ being able to control such a potent and raw energy inside you. From the moment you were old enough to even say your first words, you’d been in magical training and studies to ensure your mastery of your powers. You could blast bad guys and restore an entire city with your magic by the time you were five years old.

And now, you were teaching others!

“Oh my god, I actually got it! Thanks, Y/N.” Zatanna cheered, wrapping you around in a hug.

You returned it joyfully before separating, “It’s as I mentioned previously, magic is special to us all. It lives all around and inside us. Everybody has their own individual sense of magic. Some just know and are better at channeling it than others.” You explained.

“Oh, I get it! Like a magical DNA print,” M’Gann summarized. She and Artemis were standing to the side watching the lesson you were giving Zatanna, both wanting to learn more about the mystic arts.

You smiled at the Martian’s words, nodding your head, “Exactly! Magic forms differently in everyone and changes itself as we grow and change ourselves. That’s why it’s important to find your source and learn how to connect it with a strong emotional foundation, and boom… You’ve got magic.”

Your hands glowed as you raised them to the air, a bright spot at the top of the cave forming that shined like the sun before bursting, releasing dancing rays of light swept across the room along with the little wisps of butterflies.

“So, what’s your source? If you don’t mind me asking,” Artemis inquired as the magic dissipated.

“Not at all,” You replied with a smile, “Well, obviously, being the whole ‘Child of the Sun’ thing, my source centers around that, the Sun and its solar energy.” You waved one of your hands, a light trail tailing behind as you summoned a bright illusion of your solar system’s central star.

The girls had to cover their eyes a little bit since even as a magical illusion, it still hurt their eyes. It felt so real, it was almost as if it was generating its own heat as well, warming the air around them.

“Ooh, like Superman?” M’Gann asked.

“Close, but not exactly. My source is the sun, so my magic manifests and channels itself as pure light granting me the enhancements and abilities that come with being, well, ‘light.’ Superman relies more on the radiation from its solar energy, another ability I may possess,” You answered.

Your new friends paused at that, “Wait, huh? What do you mean?” Artemis asked.

You considered for a moment if you should share this information as it was technically confidential and only privy to those of the royal family and their most trusted attendants. You figured there couldn’t be any harm in sharing this bit of information as it wasn’t like it could spell the end of the world or anything.

“A group of royal scholars and sorcerers have dedicated themselves to studying the magic and power behind the Children of the Sun since my great-grandfather’s reign. They’ve studied its different forms and how it’s moved down my family’s line over generations, noting its different strengths and weaknesses. They’ve also cataloged the different abilities it creates over time,” You explained, the teammates hanging off your every word.

“One of the scholars recently made a discovery that linked solar radiation with one of the spells I learned as a kid that can create daylight at night. When they discovered this connection, they explored more on the topic, finding that many of my spells and powers also give off their own form of radiation similar to the sun’s solar radiation. It’s led them to theorize that my ancestors and I may possibly have the ability to utilize the sun’s radiation to our advantage.”

“Wait, you’re saying you can manipulate solar radiation?! Does that mean you could take down Superman if you wanted to?” Zatanna asked.

You smiled at their surprised faces, “I’m not sure since it’s a new theory and will take time to study. Plus, I’ve never actually tried before. Hopefully, I never have to. At least with that kind of scenario,” You responded.

“Never have to what?”

You and the girls turned around to see the other guys coming down the hall, assumingly having entered the base from the ‘front door’ as M’Gann likes to call it. Conner looked at the girls and you with his arms crossed, his usual deadpan expression sitting on his face as he waited for an answer.

“Where did you guys go?” Zatanna asked, ignoring his question as Dick, Wally, and Kaldur made their way to the center of the training floor, Conner standing a little further back.

“We had a little team outing with just us guys. Hope you ladies weren’t too bored without us.” Wally smirked.

“We weren’t, as a matter of fact. We had Y/N here to keep us company since you all apparently didn’t want to include him on your little guy’s trip,” Artemis replied with her own smug smile.

“Oh really, what did you do? Sit around and do rain dances to call on the Lords of Make-Believe?”

“Wally,” Kaldur scolded.

“What?” He questioned, seeing how everyone was giving him unimpressed looks, “You all know I still don’t buy into this magical woo-hah babble. I’m a man of science who believes at the end of everything, there’s always a logical explanation.”

You raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh really,” Your face growing a mischievous smile. “So, can you explain how we’re all fully clothed and you’re standing in your underwear right now?” Everyone missed the slight glow in your irises as you cast your magic in your head.

Wally looked confused before he looked down and realized he was standing only in his underwear, his clothes vanished into thin air with his heart and rainbow-colored boxers on display for everyone.

“What the- Y/N!” He shouted before running off, his face burning red as a tomato while your friends laughed.

Artemis had her hands to her stomach before wiping away a fake tear, “Oh, that was more entertaining than anything I’ve seen in my life. Thank you for that, Y/N,” She grinned.

You gave a mock salute with two fingers while everyone was still laughing when Wally came back, now dressed in a new outfit. Everyone except Conner, who held a glare on his face that you could tell was in your direction. For whatever reason, you didn’t know and chose not to care.

“Why didn’t you invite Y/N on your outing if it was just for guys?” M’Gann asked.

“Because it was a team outing, and despite rumors to the contrary, Y/N is not on the team,” Conner voiced with an indifferent tone.

Your friends all frowned at Conner, not appreciating his sudden attitude toward you. Even Wally looked surprised by his little outburst while Zatanna spoke up in your defense.

“Well, that seems stupid. I wasn’t on the team yet when M’Gann invited me to your school’s Halloween dance. Why should Y/N be any different?” She remarked, crossing her arms. M’Gann nodded in support, her face signaling her disapproval of her boyfriend’s actions.

“We didn’t really think about that. It was more of a decision on the spot when Wally expressed his desire for a bite to eat,” Kaldur explained, with a genuine tone of regret in his posture before turning to face your direction, bowing his head. “My apologies, your Royal Highness. We meant no offense.”

“Speak for yourself,” You heard Conner mutter under his breath.

You ignored it, focusing back on your friend. “Ah, don’t worry about it, Kal. I had fun training here with the girls anyway. And I told you, it’s just Y/N. I’m not the Prince of Amun here, just a regular guy who happens to be bunking with you.” You said. Kaldur smiled in return, appreciating your forgiveness.

“Yeah, a regular guy who needs attendants waiting on him and personal guards always watching his behind,” You heard another snide comment from Conner, who was looking at the two guards standing by the opening to one of the hallways leading into the cave. Your patience also vanished into thin air by this point.

“Conner, that’s enough!” Kaldur ordered, but you were fed up.

“Is there something you need to get off your chest? You’ve been acting pissy with me since I got here, and I’ve had just about enough of it,” You snapped at the Kryptonian.

“Oh, the oh-so-regal prince actually has a backbone? Please…” Conner said, deeming you not worth his time.

“Yeah, the oh-so-regal has a backbone and will happily whoop your ass with it,” You called out after him.

The room went quiet, M’Gann now looking worried as Conner turned around to face you, a jeering expression now on his face.

“Oh really? You’ll ‘whoop my ass,’ huh? Tell me how exactly you plan to do that. With a little song and dance? A show of special effects and illusions. Or will you use your little guards in their shiny armor to fight for you? I could take them and you down without lifting my pinky toe.” He teased, slowly walking towards you until he was standing in your personal space, his arms crossed against his wide chest.

You didn’t have to turn around and see how Atlas and Samar, your two guards in mention, were standing at attention, more than ready to disprove Superboy’s insults. You raised your hands silently, signaling them to stand down. You could take care of yourself.

“Hmm, you may be right about that,” You replied calmly. Everyone except Atlas and Samar looked taken aback at your words. Conner still held a cheeky smirk, even though you could spot his somewhat quizzical look behind his eyes. “So, I’m sure you stand ready to prove it then.”

“Ooooo…” Artemis said, ever the instigator.

“Someone’s getting called out! Whatcha gonna do?” Wally shouted, joining in with the archer.

Though he appeared unphased by your friend's teasing, he considered your words, “Fine, you’re on.” He answered.

A devious smile appeared across your lips, your guards looking at you with knowing grins. Everyone cleared off the combat circle as Kaldur loaded up the sparring protocols. You and Conner stood on opposite sides of the training floor, waiting for Kal’s signal.

���This isn’t going to end well, is it?” You heard Dick ask on the side.

“Nope.” Zatanna said.

The floor brightened beneath you as Kaldur started the program, signaling it was ready.

“Who are you betting on?” Wally asked.

“Oh, Y/N 100%,” Artemis replied.

“I’ll bet you $20 bucks Conner beats Y/N in 15 seconds flat.”

“Hmm, $40 bucks says Y/N knocks out Conner in 10.”

“Deal.” Wally agreed, shaking on it.

M’Gann stood next to Kaldur, watching her boyfriend with a chagrined look. She wasn’t happy with his behavior, becoming suspicious since the team’s mission to Liza during your kingdom’s anniversary celebration and your birthday, leading to your temporary move to Happy Harbor in the Cave after rebels made an attempt on your life.

“Hope I don’t end up as the focus of your next album after this. Though, it’d be nice to say someone’s writing songs about me, even if it’s angry ones.” Conner mocked.

“Oooh, good one Con!” Wally cheered, Artemis rolling her eyes with a scoff.

You didn’t respond, letting him have his fun. You were about to make him eat his words anyway.

“Begin,” Kal said.

You stood in your spot, waiting for Conner to make his move. He cracked his knuckles before charging at you with his usual loud grunt. You side-stepped his attack, leaning and turning on your back foot while swinging your other foot around into his back, sending him flying only to land on his face. Even though he landed outside the battle ring, an interface popped up that spelled his name, and next to it, read the word ‘FAILED’ in red.

“HAH! That’ll be $40 bucks,  please.”

You heard Zatanna and Dick clapping behind you while Kal just gave you a nod of approval.

“Looks like you lifted more than your pinky toe. I’m sure you can do better than that tough guy,” You taunted, hearing Atlas and Samar snickering on the side.

Conner pushed himself off the ground, grumbling in frustration before turning around. He huffed in anger before his grimace turned into another smug grin, “Cute. They teach you that in etiquette class?” He mocked. 

You returned your own playful smile, “No, actually, Atlas taught me that during one of our combat lessons. You could learn a thing or two from him. Your form is terrible,” You remarked.

You heard the others laughing behind you, Conner’s face going red before he brushed past you, bumping your shoulders, “Let’s go again.” He stated.

“If you insist.”

When Kal signaled to go again, you chose now to charge at Conner, faking him out when he swung at your left. You ducked under his fist, bringing your body down before sticking your leg out to swipe him from under. He fell back against the ground with a grunt, the interface popping up again next to his face announcing his quick failure.

“Samar taught me that one. Hmm, are you sure you’re good at this? Quite frankly, I was expecting more.” You said while standing over him, hands held at your side.

You reset again for a third round. You amused yourself, allowing Conner to believe he was holding out for a bit before you ducked under his fist again, standing back up behind him, pushing your hands on his back to shove him forward.

He almost lost his balance but managed to stay up. 

He turned around to see you waving your fingers at him in a teasing manner. He charged at you again while swinging his arms together to trap you in a bear hug. When he got his arms around you, your body broke apart like shattered glass, dissipating into the air. 

Conner looked confused until he heard you ‘Yoo-hoo’ behind him, turning to see you launching at him with another kick across the face. He fell to the ground, the interface once again signaling his defeat.

He growled in anger before he looked up to see you standing over him again, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you get a hit in.”

He huffed before grabbing your ankle, yanking it out from under you, making you fall on your butt. The interface popped up next to you with your name now signaling the word ‘FAILED.’

“How was that?” His cheeky smile returned.

“Cute. They teach you that in anger management?”

Conner looked confused, “I don’t go to anger management.”

“Clearly.” You responded.

The others expected Conner to blow up at you (the boy did need anger management), but to everyone’s shock, he just smiled at you. Before standing up and reaching his hand down to help you up.

You stared at his hand for a moment before taking it, letting him pull you up to the ground.

You both stared at each other for a bit with no words said until you heard a throat clearing beside you, realizing the team was still here. Artemis smiled knowingly at you while Dick, & Zatanna looked uneasy. Kal scratched the back of his head awkwardly while Wally looked confused. M’Gann held a sullen expression on her face, clearly not happy.

You felt heat come up your face before clearing your throat, “I’m gonna head to the beach to do some meditation. See you guys later.” You said before turning away, your body vanishing in a flash of light. Conner looked confused when he saw you disappear, not understanding what happened. He saw Atlas and Samar shaking their heads at him before heading down the hall towards the garage exit to catch up with you. Still not getting what happened, he turned to see his friends giving him sour looks causing him to frown in return.

“What!”

☀️ | Conner Kent/Superboy | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[katyspersonal]

I had a fun dream regarding the Elden Ring DLC!!! In fact, it was a DLC for the DLC. Apparently it was my brain's spin on "how it could have gone differently", centered around at least 3 different endings (?) that I got to try! It was hard to say whether I was playing or actually being the main character and experiencing all this (best type of videogame-based dreams!)

The focal point was Divine Gate being destroyed and Miquella being spat back out, in his accursed child body again and the "plot" started when we returned some things/feelings to him to make him active. The amount of dialogue he'd provide depended on the amount of Crosses we visited, and before returning them he was completely limp. In either case he was labeled on the map as 'Heartbroken Miquella' or something. There was one 'default', ending that needed passivity sort of. There were plenty of quests and things to do still that were required for the plot, but provided you didn't do anything "special" it ended up in Miquella basically building a Noah Arc very quickly. Yes, because some unknown force triggered the great flooding that was coming. It would basically destroy the world Greater Will and Fingers created so far, and yet let it be made anew. The good side of it was, that since Death is connected with water in Elden Ring world (souls of those that didn't die properly assume Jellyfish form, Godwyn became a sea creature, Tibia Mariners) a LOT of people were coming back with the water but in pure form. Children of the Stars without their rotten flesh and all. This ending felt bittersweet though; having done so much to 'uproot' the fundamentally wrong things Two Fingers melded into this world, he still could not find the courage to let his friends die yet there was no time to separate their bodies from flesh like Ranni and victims of Astrologers' experiments... Effectively, preserving """filth""" into new world and saving what he could save.

The second ending somehow stopped the flood by effect, granting it protection of his gentle pale yellow light (not to be confused with the oppressive gold of the Erdtree!). Protection from any Outer God and from corruption and rotting from within. That however would result in people like Malenia, Godwyn (Prince of Death), Romina etc getting sealed into yellow crystals for the 'next 1000 years' so they could not corrupt the world but alas they could not be healed still. This ending was centered on Miquella comprehending that no, Radahn wasn't "corrupted by sinful world" into becoming a warmonger compared to younger self but war WAS his nature. And for many people, alas their nature was 'necessary evil' without which the world would be a hollow place. So he accepted he could not "save" some people because that'd not be them anymore. However, he could still let the world rest in Heaven by putting it in preservation for a long time. Not cleaning, just preserving from evil, external or internal. And how this secret ending was achieved? ......by marrying Miquella, which included a large variety of activities in order to distract Leda, avoid Leda, lead him away before Leda appears, sending more friends to talk to Leda, having Dane and Leda shipped (lol okay??) etc hfhygxjjh Because if you messed up this part, she'd not let you close enough to Miquella and you'd be set back to flood ending XD

Third ending had to do with the darkness!! It was a secret one, where you would seek rifts Messmer left along the way where he used Base Serpent powers too much. The rifts were patched out by the earth itself, but you had to reopen them like wounds. Reverse Crosses collecting! Because.. if they all were opened, you could access the Lightless Abyss that Base Serpent came from and force it into the world! It would extinguish any and all light of this world leaving only blue star-affiliated one. A bit like Ranni's ending but EVIL!! Creatures of golden light would get striped from it though (Queelign copes and seethes lol). It ensured a lot of horrors being unleashed though and consuming every "weak" person. Tarnished, Albinaurics and other lightness were remotely safe, but those born of gold and under Ring and relying on it were FUCKED. Especially Marika's family. They'd remain defenseless and be the first to get swallowed, so from now on they'd need protection. And whereas blue stars remained the age would be darkness swallowing all of them until only one remained. I as a "player" knew it'd explode to bring the light again.. but other characters didn't.

.....yet when I wanted to try this unleashed Abyss ending, Miquella himself stopped me by stabbing me with Bewitching Branch (not swinging it, specifically stabbing) and I woke up from very intense feeling of love and yearning for him lol fgfggh The last thing I remember how scared he was that he barely stopped... all that. But I just suddenly found him the most appealing person in the world, as if I never loved anyone else. I can't even describe how it felt. It was like.. every cell of my body suffering and only his touch could cure this torment. I had to lay down about 20 minutes to finally calm down gjfggd I am actually embarrassed by it, especially since intrusive thoughts followed, but also I guess it wasn't my fault? Very weird type of alarm clock though 💔

[utilitycaster]

on Laura's characters

This has been rattling around for a bit, and I've notably been pretty critical of how Laura's characters have been treated by the fandom, and I think a lot of the discussion of Imogen, overlaid with the discussion of Vex during TLOVM, has put it into to focus for me:

Laura plays characters that allow her to explore a lot of very selfish or self-serving behaviors, as well as the dark side of selflessness. This is, in my opinion, one of the very last lines people are squeamish about female characters crossing - and it's across the board, too. People who are comfortable with supporting women's wrongs often balk at supporting women's uglier, smaller choices, particularly for women who are otherwise portrayed as heroic. Sacrifice is still seen in a lot of women-centric media as the greatest gesture, and works where women are unabashedly self-serving are harder to find. It's why Delilah's nonstop villainy in the name of love gets a pass, but few people look head on at Vex's petty cruelty to Keyleth.

Vex is an incredibly selfish person. She is also unique among Laura's characters in realizing this about herself, and not liking it very much. It's mostly sympathetic - what are D&D shopkeepers but opportunities to haggle and ask weird questions, and Vex's anxieties about money are very justified - but less so when it comes to her possessiveness of Vax. It's very understandable that she feels protective and possessive towards him, but that doesn't negate her unkindness. Vex pressures Keyleth to the point of tears at least once (granted, it was a difficult day for everyone) and pushes at Vax as well, to the point where it causes a small but definite rift between them. At worst, this selfishness - this desire to have Vax for herself - is turned into jealousy of Vax, rather than of Keyleth, so that it can be reframed as in the name of romantic love (which is considered a more acceptable form of selfishness than familial, but that's for someone far wiser than I to unpack). However, even when that doesn't happen, it's often glossed over. The same is true for Vex stealing the broom. It's fine if you disagree with the alignment change decision - I don't particularly care for it - and Laura certainly didn't deserve hate for taking the item of a character who would never show up again. But it is a purely self-centered choice. She wants to fly, she sees a way to do so, and she takes the broom of an ally and lies about it. There's no in-game justification for this being anything but selfish, and it says a lot about her character that she does it, but the things it says are messy and difficult. I don't think you can appreciate Vex's full arc without understanding that it is her pushing past this selfishness. Holding grudges is perhaps the most selfish act of all, of keeping all that hurt to yourself and never granting forgiveness. "Sineath" is about a lot of things, but that is one of them.

Jester is much less selfish when it comes to material things, but she is, especially early on, frequently inconsiderate or insensitive. It comes from a place that is devoid of malice, but definitely does not think through the ramifications for others. This shows up when she's dismissive of sums of money that are immense for Caleb but mean little to her, or her willingness to deface temples despite the risk. However, Jester is, far more, an exploration of the darker side of selflessness. What does someone feel, when they think they must constantly be a light to those around them? Where do their frustrations come out? We see that it weighs on Jester in how difficult she finds it to balance the responsibilities and demands of Artagan during Traveler Con, and again, when she becomes aware of the potential self-sacrifice needed in Eiselcross. Vex had to learn to let go of Vax and her grudges and her need for approval from people who would never give it; Jester has to learn to start taking and putting herself first.

And then there's Imogen. Vex and Jester's selfishness was tempered by their extroversion and empathy, which at times makes it easier to ignore. While they may have self-interests, and struggle to regulate what they do or do not give (in different directions), they do, in the end, like people on the whole. Imogen does not. It's understandable, given the stress they put on her, but her powers and her judgement mean that she is a lot less able to create boundaries between them and herself. As a result, when she lets herself become closer to people, she doesn't recognize when treating her friends as a sounding board might be hurtful or insulting to them. This comes out notably in her repeated consideration of the Vanguard's position. It's fascinating because it can be seen as her trying to understand other people, especially her mother and the members of the Vanguard we've seen. There is legitimate hurt behind Tuldus, Ludinus, Liliana, and Otohan's motivations; but the person to talk over this with is not Orym, whose husband and father-in-law were innocent collateral damage to these plans, nor Laudna, who was murdered by Otohan.

I think people really shy away from the dark sides of all of these characters. People tend to focus on Vex's competence, Jester's role as the heart and light in the party, and Imogen's trauma, without realizing these are all perpetuated by that exploration of selfishness and selflessness. But given how central this is to all three of these characters, I think this is also why the fandom is often so quick to turn on them - they do not want to face how much Vex cares about her father and Vax, or how what Jester needs is not unconditional support nor concrete instructions, but honesty and a willingness to listen, or that Imogen has the capacity to do great harm to those she loves and does so, but these are all major parts of those characters. Ignoring that is how people believe Vex's arc is underserved; it's not, but you can only see it if you are willing to admit who she is at the start. It's easier for them to consider a Jester frozen in the early part of the campaign than the far more emotionally mature woman she becomes because of what it says about selfishness.

Imogen is interesting, because I've actually seen far more arguments of her as a complete monster than those absolving her. If Imogen becomes more unsure at Orym's words and needs a complete lack of judgment to come around that makes her truly heartless and unfeeling, rather than someone who has an understandably if unintentionally cold and strange way of understanding thoughts vs. words. vs. actions. I suspect this is because both Imogen herself, and the fandom, have less of a grasp on Imogen as her own person. And, to be fair, this is true of the fandom's perception of Vex and Jester; they just had better in-universe senses of self. But I'm interested in seeing if the perception of Imogen shifts back to how it was prior to episode 48, which is a more consistent discomfort with the way she puts herself first.

[moonlit-midnight]

A home in an unfamiliar place

Characters: Malleus Draconia, cameo from the Ramshackle prefect.

Genre: Friendship, Angst with comfort.

Summary: Wherein Malleus’s human best friend reminds him that he will always be loved.

Warnings:

This fic takes place before Malleus joined NRC.

GN!Reader, is a human from another magical world.

—

Malleus Draconia knew that he was bound to suffer from a loneliness that wouldn’t easily go away once you were gone, but he let you march in his life anyway.

No one could blame him though.

You were everything that he dreamed to have when he was a child, a trustworthy friend who would accept him for who he was and love him unconditionally.

You were a light. The light of all lights, and Malleus was drawn into the light emitting from you, like a sunflower towards the sun.

When humans feared to acknowledge him, you were the first one to greet him, and you did it with excitement and beaming joy.

When he was all alone, you reached out to him and welcomed him with open arms.

You sat by his side and listened to him with a patient heart.

You cared about him tremendously, making him feel loved, seen, valued and understood.

He might not express his feelings that much, but Malleus was grateful for the wonderful friendship you offered to him, and the kindness and endless affection you gave him without asking for anything in return.

★ —

Spending your mornings with Malleus in your shared garden at the royal palace was the routine you could never get tired of.

As a token of affection and gratitude for your unwavering loyalty, he grew a flower garden for both of you.

The place was filled with flowers that represented your bond; Freesia, Chrysanthemums and Geraniums.

You were sitting in a patio chair swing, admiring the beautiful surroundings while Malleus had his head sprawled on your lap, his gentle gaze not leaving your face.

“You were a dream to me, Malleus. A beautiful dream come true and I don’t want it to end.” you averted your gaze from the flowers to the prince resting on your lap.

“I don’t want it to end either.” He murmured, blinking back the tears in his melancholic jewel-green eyes.

All your life, you wished to have a companion who would show you a world you’d never seen before. Someone who would embark on adventures with you toward places where your dreams reside.

It was never granted until you stumbled upon a portal from your world, taking you to another magical realm that is Twisted Wonderland.

There you chanced upon a certain dragon fae prince who was now your best friend and greatest companion.

“It’s been wonderful to have known you.” you exclaimed, cradling Malleus's face in your warm hands.

“Thank you,” He smiled tearfully. “For being my friend. I’m honored to have you and to have known you too.”

Smiling back, you pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Malleus felt an overwhelming sense of pure love and familial warmth that he couldn't hold back his unshed tears.

“I love you, dear friend.” you stroke his hair to soothe his cries, whispering a reminder that he would always be loved and cherished dearly by you. “I love you the way an abandoned house might love someone who stumbled across it with desperation and a spark of hope.”

It was a reminder that while you were still alive, you would be with him, for your soul and his soul were inseparable.

★ —

The prefect of Ramshackle was hanging out in Malleus’s room one night when their eyes landed on a small portrait displayed on his study desk.

It was a painting of Malleus underneath a tree, and beside him was a lovely human.

They stood close to each other, arm in arm, and both had pretty smiles adorning their youthful faces.

Alhough it was only a painting, the prefect could feel warmth radiating from it.

“Hey Tsunotarou, may I ask who’s this person beside you?”

“Oh, they were a precious friend of mine who loved me with their whole heart.” Malleus responded, eyes twinkling fondly and lips curled into a soft smile.

Even as years flew by, your memory lives on forever.

[hyunnows]

A LOVE SO BEAUTIFUL | TEASER

READ HERE

In which Jeongin watches you chase after Seungmin over and over, waiting for his turn to have your heart.

PAIRING(S) | Jeongin x reader, Seungmin x reader

THEMES | angst, fluff, unrequited love (two of them), best friends to lovers, high school!au, best friend!Jeongin, lots of background characters, based on a love so beautiful (inspired by both versions), embarrassing and slightly humiliating scenes, crying, heartbreak

WORD COUNT | 10k+

RATING | pg

RELEASE | 25.10.23

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You’re bright and bubbly when you slip your gift into Seungmin’s desk, excited to see him sport a [Y/N]-original accessory and hopefully fall for you. 

Unfortunately, fate had another plan.

“Sorry [Y/N], I’m not really a jewelry guy…” Seungmin trails off, handing you back the box you’d given him earlier that day, all the bracelets inside and bundled. He tries to ignore his friend’s snickers, rubbing his neck nervously whilst handing you the small cardboard box, cheeks red in embarrassment.

You take it with two hands, barely gripping it at all with your shaky hands and blurry vision. They were laughing at you, and he didn’t like the bracelets. A quiet, "Oh, o-okay,” is all you manage to get out, biting your lip harshly as you tuck your hard work away. "Sorry.”

Seungmin gives you a guilty smile, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs, giving you an awkward wave, and running back to his group, who tease him loudly about you. He cringes at their jokes, hiding his face from you and walking away.

You think you should be crying by now, seeing as he rejected you, but you’re more ashamed because not only was Seungmin embarrassed by being around you, but his friends seemed to think you were a joke as well. How mortifying.

You hear a shuffling pair of feet approach you before you’re wrapped in the long, strong arms you call home. “They teased him and laughed. Laughed, Jeongin…” your voice shrinking in sadness. You turn to him, eyes watering. "Am I that unlikable?”

Of course, Jeongin tells you no. "You’re the most likable person I know,” in a reassuring, uncharacteristically sweet whisper. You sigh, causing him to hold you tighter to his chest. "They just… they need glasses,” evoking a light snort from you.

Turning into his chest, you wrap your arms around his waist, drawing an “Ew,” from Jeongin, although he had been the one to initiate the hug in the first place. You mutter a shut up at his faux disgust. After a tight squeeze, you release him, pulling out the now squished cardboard and handing it to him, a light tint in your cheeks as your hands brush against each other’s. “What’s this?”

“He, um, isn’t into jewelry, so I thought you could have them. They’re too big for my wrist, and I’d hate to waste Hyunjin’s nice beads,” beaming hopefully at him. You open the box, pulling out your favorite and sliding it on Jeongin’s wrist, blind to the pure puppy-love expression the brunet was giving you. Cringing slightly, you frown at the fact that you hadn’t even asked him if he wanted the bracelets. "You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to—”

Before you can pull it off him, he yanks his hand back, holding around the bracelet tightly. There was no way he wasn’t going to wear a bracelet you gave him. Granted, you’d made it with the intention of Seungmin wearing it, but he’d take what he could get. "I-um, I’ll wear it. It’s a neat bracelet,” awkwardly releasing his wrist and dropping it to his side. 

“Neat?”

“Leave me alone. This is why I’m not nice to you.”

You feel your heart flutter, but you assume it’s out of general happiness and not the fact that Jeongin wanted what you’d made. It wasn’t as if you wanted Jeongin’s approval or anything—you cared about Seungmin’s because you like him, and you definitely didn’t like Jeongin. 

Then why aren’t you able to stop the way your heart quickens around him these days?

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[archetypesanalysis]

Crosshair's Innate Archetype (Part 2)

This is the sixth instalment of my Bad Batch analysis. This character analysis has two parts: innate archetypes and anima. I will be referring to “Gods in Everyman” by Jean Shinoda Bolen for this first part analysis. This innate archetype analysis is split into two parts.

Part 1 | Part 2

Apollo is the God of the Sun, and he is second only to Zeus as the most important Greek god. The Romans called him “Apollo” like the Greeks, or “Phoebus”, which means “bright, shining, pure”. He is also the god of the arts (especially of music, dance and poetry), prophecy and archery. He is the lawgiver and punisher of wrongs, the protector of herdsmen, and the patron of medicine, who can also bring plagues. He is often depicted with a bow and a lyre, and the laurel is his sacred plant. His two famous precepts, “Know thyself” and “Nothing in excess” are inscribed on his temple at Delphi. Although he is noted for clarity and form, he has a lesser-known darker aspect, with both light and dark reflected in his symbols. Apollo is known as the pure, holy and cleansing god, which are all associated with the sun, his most important symbol. Swans are Apollo’s sacred birds, but so do crows and ravens, which represent his dark side. Snakes and wolves are also associated with Apollo. As a punisher of wrongs, Apollo is known to be cruel and can act vindictively.

The Apollo archetype is the most common archetype found in real people and in fictional characters. The clones have a strong Apollo archetype due to their military training and genetic modifications that cause them to be more inclined in following orders. This archetype is further enhanced during Order 66 as the inhibitor chip causes the clones to carry out orders without question. Crosshair has an enhanced Apollo archetype due to his genetic modification that grants him enhanced eyesight.

Apollo is an archer. His bow and arrow shafts are golden like the sun. It takes will, skill and practice to be an archer. An accomplished archer can aim for a distant target and be confident of hitting it, which comes naturally for people with strong Apollo archetype. People who identify as Apollo are logical and can easily relate to objective reality. They know what they want and have the will to accomplish their goal. They have a sense of future time, which enables them to plan ahead and set goals (like aiming at a target). Their targets are realistic, require effort to achieve it, and grant recognition. Crosshair is an accomplished sniper who is confident of hitting his targets from afar, even when the surroundings are a blur. In the Hyperspace Stories #10, Crosshair warns Wrecker that he can blast a flea off his back from 200 meters away in the pouring rain, and that he can do the same thing to Wrecker’s new toy. This indicates that Crosshair will do anything to accomplish his goals regardless of how difficult his goals are. Adding to his severe and unyielding personality, he has a very strong will to achieve his goals. Moreover, his goals are realistic for they are tangible and objective (for example, taking down a platoon of battle droids is a tangible goal). Like an archer, Crosshair has an excellent sense of future time, which enables him to plan out his trickshots perfectly as he knows where to place the reflecting mirrors and when to shoot to make those trickshots.

Apollo is the Greek god of prophecy, even though he himself does not prophesize. He gained this title by killing a great dragon or serpent named Python and taking over the oracle of Delphi as his temple, a site with a long history of prophetic divination. Through this myth, he was called Pythian Apollo and his priestess was Pythia. Apollo’s mediums were all women and their psychic divinations came from their communion with him. When people came to Apollo’s temple to consult with his oracle, the Pythia would enter a trance state and the priest would put questions to her and take down her words. The response would be turned over to another priest, who usually put it into the rhythm of poetry, though the meaning of the words was often obscure and ambiguous. Apollo as the god of prophecy fits his future-mindedness, like an archer who aims for a faraway target.

Crosshair has shown to exhibit some traits of Apollo as the god of prophecy, but it is usually limited to his ability to plan trickshots. He expertly places the reflecting mirrors on the surfaces as he has already predicted the movements of his targets. He also knows when to make the shot, which enables him to wipe out his targets with one precise shot. In “Return to Kamino”, Tech notices that Crosshair has placed the reflecting mirrors on the walls of the training ground. The placement of mirrors allows Crosshair to take down all four Imperial troopers in one shot, while leaving the Bad Batch unscathed. Crosshair only makes the trickshot when the Imperial troopers refuse to stand down. This indicates that he has foreseen that the Imperial troopers will disobey his order, and that he has planned their deaths. Moreover, the placement of mirrors also indicates that he has foreseen the positions of the Imperial troopers and the Bad Batch will take once they are in the training ground, and he ensures that his trickshot will take down all the Imperial troopers but not harm the Bad Batch.

@wwheeljack has shared this link that explains the observation training taken by military snipers. In this exercise, the snipers observe the various given objects for a short period of time. Then, they need to remember and describe what they have seen – they are not allowed to say the names of the objects. This exercise reminds me of how the oracle of Delphi is sought out by the Ancient Greeks, which evokes the Apollo archetype. It does feel that Crosshair’s enhanced eyesight and sniper training have enhanced his Apollo archetype.

As the goal-oriented archer and the god of the sun and prophecy, Apollo is the far-distant one. He can live in the future, always planning ahead. He can rise above the situation or “go skyward” to see everything objectively or to see his experiences as spiritual lessons. People who are like Apollo response to emotional pain by distancing themselves from these feelings and rise above their emotions through intellectual understanding, a mindful spiritual practice, or repeating their own principles to themselves. In the myths, Apollo had a connection to the mysterious realm of the Hyperboreans, and taking his chariot pulled by swans, he went there during the winter months. The realm of the Hyperboreans was the “northerly realm beyond the mountains”, and on a psychological level, this realm was depicted as a distant place of retreat, a starry world, another dimension, an Underworld or an enlightened world. Regardless of its depictions, the Hyperborean aspect of Apollo leads to feelings of isolation from others and the tendency to occasionally disappearing from this world into another.

As the far-distant one, Crosshair has the tendency to see the bigger picture. Throughout season 1, Crosshair explains his reasonings why he joins the Empire willingly, and keeps accusing Hunter that he cannot see the bigger picture. Moreover, Crosshair prefers to stay above his emotions when chaos breaks out. For example, when the food fight breaks out between the Bad Batch and the regular clone troopers, Crosshair chooses to ignore the commotion and continue to eat until his meal gets ruined. Interestingly, his transfer to the snowy planet of Barton IV can be interpreted as his travels to the realm of the Hyperboreans, despite the realm is not necessarily located in the Arctic Region by the Ancient Greeks. Though, the need to keep his helmet on can be Crosshair’s Hyperborean aspect of Apollo.

As the god of the sun, nothing hides from Apollo, like light shines through the darkness to expose every hidden thing. The Apollo’s clear-sightedness enables a person to see through lies, ulterior motives and hidden information. In the myths, on the day Hermes was born, he proceeded to steal cows from his half-brother Apollo. He hid his tracks by tying branches to his feet, and he laid down a false trail by having the cows walk backwards. When Apollo discovered his cattle were stolen, he noticed tracks that seemed to lead in the opposite direction, and he was not fooled. When Apollo demanded Hermes to reveal where his stolen cows were hidden, Hermes lied and tried to pass himself off as an innocent infant, in which Apollo did not buy into any of his lies. Helios, the god who personifies the sun in Greek mythology and who shares the same title as God of the Sun with Apollo, also exhibits the same clear-sightedness. In the myths, Helios was the one who tells Demeter that her daughter Persephone had been abducted by Hades, and Zeus had permitted it to happen. Helios was also the one who told Hephaestus that his wife Aphrodite had been cheating on him with Ares.

We have seen how Crosshair can easily see through lies and anything hidden from plain sight. In “A Distant Echo”, Crosshair quickly figures out why Rex strongly believes that Echo is alive and is adamant of rescuing him because Rex feels guilty for leaving Echo for dead at the Citadel. His deductions are based on his observations of Rex’s body language and changes to his voice tone. In “On the Wings of Keeradaks”, Crosshair uses his helmet scanner to see through the walls, and reports that their enemies and many droids are approaching them. In “Aftermath”, Crosshair is not convinced that Hunter has stunned Caleb, which caused the Padawan to fall to his death in the waterfall. He even inspects the surroundings and the bottom of the waterfall using his helmet scanner to confirm his suspicions. Then, he points out that Hunter should look down not across when he sees someone falls, showing his understanding of body language and how observant he is. In “Reunion”, an Elite Squad Trooper reported that he cannot detect any life signs aboard the Jedi cruiser because the scanner is not working due to atmospheric interferences. However, Crosshair immediately knows that Tech has jammed their sensors and that Clone Force 99 is still onboard the ship. He also manages to predict that Tech has tapped into their comms to track down their movements. In “Return to Kamino”, Crosshair immediately catches on Wrecker’s lie that they did not bring Omega with them. We know that our pupils dilate when we lie, and I am sure that Crosshair can see that even when we wear sunglasses or helmets with dark visor. I am also sure that Crosshair would never be impressed by magic tricks since they involve misdirection, deception and illusions. He is so observant that he can easily debunk the magic tricks. If you are hiding something, both Hunter and Crosshair will catch on quickly but with different methods – Hunter can sense it while Crosshair can observe it.

Crosshair’s Apollo archetype balances out his Poseidon archetype. When Crosshair unleashes his emotions, they are depicted as storms. The sun only comes out when the storms subside, indicating that he has finally calmed down and he now can see the truth. This motif is shown twice, which are in “Kamino Lost” and “The Outpost”. In “Kamino Lost”, the raging storm on Kamino has subsided by the time the Bad Batch reaches the landing platform at daybreak. The sun comes out, which is a rare occurrence in Kamino. At this moment, Crosshair’s anger, disappointment and sadness towards his teammates have returned to stable conditions after all the explosive arguments they have. When Hunter offers him a chance to rejoin the team, Crosshair turns it down because he sees through Hunter’s intentions. Hunter wants Crosshair to give up his life as a soldier and his allegiance with the Empire, which makes his offer conditional. This contradicts Hunter’s unconditional love towards his teammates (including Crosshair), and if Crosshair chooses to rejoin the team, it will mean that he chooses to sacrifice his values and live in the lie that everyone is fine with him (which is clearly not true because Tech, Wrecker and Echo aim their blasters at Crosshair, thinking that he is going to shoot Hunter). Crosshair can see through this inconsistency and he refuses to return.

In “The Outpost”, Crosshair and the injured Mayday endure the freezing conditions as they return to the Imperial base. Once they arrive there, the snow has stopped falling and the winds have ceased. The sun is hanging above the base as Crosshair begs Lieutenant Nolan to send a medic to save Mayday’s life. Nolan refuses, claiming that it will be a waste of the Empire’s resources. As Mayday succumbs to his injuries, Crosshair finally sees the truth – the Empire never cares about the clones because they are expendable, including him. The sun shining above Crosshair symbolizes his light side as the Empire’s cruelty towards the clones has been exposed in broad daylight. The Ice Vulture circling above Crosshair represents his dark side as Crosshair makes the decision to kill Lieutenant Nolan. The mountains behind Crosshair are positioned to look like the wings of the Ice Vulture – as if Crosshair has become the Ice Vulture. I interpret the Ice Vulture as the equivalent of the raven, Apollo’s sacred bird that represents his dark side. In the Greek myth, the raven was once white, and Apollo assigned it to keep an eye on his mortal wife Coronis, who was pregnant with his child. The bird reported to the god that she was cheating on him. Apollo responded by turning the raven’s feathers from white to black, and he killed Coronis, which he later regretted it. However, he managed to save his unborn son from her body, and gave him to Chiron the centaur to raise. This son was Asclepius, who became the god of healing and medicine. Surprisingly, Apollo’s sacred birds – swans, crows and ravens – are known for their loyalty, and the same goes for vultures. These birds fit Crosshair well as loyalty is important to him.

Apollo is the favourite son of Zeus, and he is the second most important Greek god (the first being Zeus). From his birth, Apollo proclaims that his life mission is to carry out his father’s will. As the favourite son, Apollo people are likely to be basked in parental love, approval and praises, especially from traditional parents, as if there is a brightness cast about them. They are the success in the making, a positive reflection on their parents, and an achiever in a culture that values accomplishments. If they do not have a biological father, they will seek out the approval of other people who resemble Zeus. Crosshair has this archetypal affinity to excel and to please, and he constantly seeks out approval from Hunter, who has the Zeus archetype. This is hinted in “The Bad Batch” when Crosshair smirks as Hunter praises his sharpshooting skills. Crosshair also looks up to Commander Cody and Commander Mayday, who both have higher authority than him.

When Anakin (who has the higher authority as he is a Jedi General) leads the Bad Batch and Rex to rescue Echo, Crosshair is seen following and aiding him. In “A Distant Echo”, Anakin is seen checking out Crosshair’s rifle, and Crosshair is fine with it (possibly even feeling proud that he is being noticed by a Jedi General). When Anakin is snatched away by a keeradak, Crosshair shoots a grappling line towards the flying reptile so Hunter can use it to track down Anakin. When the Bad Batch and Rex find Anakin has been pinned down by the creature and is surrounded by the Poletecs, Hunter commands Wrecker and Crosshair to carry out Plan “Rockslide”. Wrecker proceeds to push a boulder down to distract the Poletecs while Crosshair shoots an electric dart at the leg of the keeradak, forcing it to release Anakin. When Anakin tells them to split up so they can find Echo easier, Crosshair follows Anakin and saves him from almost being cornered by battle droids. Crosshair is also seen fighting alongside Anakin and Echo in the episode “On the Wings of Keeradaks”. In “Unfinished Business”, although Crosshair tells the rest of the Bad Batch and Rex to go as he helps them to buy some time, they stay back to see him performing impressive trickshots. I am sure that by staying back to watch his performance boosts Crosshair’s ego because he loves showing off and all eyes are on him. Crosshair is probably more determined to impress Anakin when he is present to witness his impressive trickshot where he destroys a group of battle droids with only one shot. Some fans jokingly say that Crosshair is disappointed that he does not receive praises from Anakin after that trickshot, so he feels the need to bring down Wrecker by jumping in to say that “he won’t top him next time”.

Apollo is the lawgiver as he provides cities their legal institutions and a structure for communities to work together and settle disputes. He also interprets law, and he supports order and moderation. He is uncomfortable with chaos, turbulence or passionate intensity. He intends to bring form and provide order through rules, laws, measure and time. As the upholders of law and order, Apollo people have a strong conviction that they know what is right and good for everyone. They may be idealists who envision a time when all people may live peacefully under the rule of law that will guarantee justice and fairness. All clones have the Apollo archetype as they follow orders without much questioning. Although the Bad Batch has a tendency to deviate from standard protocol, they still mostly follow orders. When Order 66 is issued, the inhibitor chips enhance the Apollo archetype to the point that the clones mercilessly execute their Jedi Generals that they have been working together for years.

Crosshair takes on the law-and-order aspect of Apollo strongly, even taking the saying “good soldiers follow orders” seriously. In “Aftermath”, Crosshair is somehow affected by the inhibitor chip, and tries to shoot Caleb Dume down despite Hunter keeps telling him to stand down. Crosshair later gets angry at Hunter for helping Caleb to escape and lying that the Padawan has been eliminated. To him, an order is an order, and Hunter should have completed the mission objective without considering the morality of the given order. When the Bad Batch refuses to execute Saw Gerrera and his people, Crosshair grumbles about the need to debate about morality, and states that they need to complete the mission. He believes that Saw Gerrera and his people are enemies of the Empire, and they should be eliminated. He even blames Hunter for making the team disobey orders, which causes them to be branded as traitors to the Empire.

With the effects of his inhibitor chip get amplified, Crosshair leaves the Bad Batch and joins the Empire. He carries out orders without hesitation. In “Replacements”, Crosshair orders his Elite Squad to execute the civilians associated with Saw Gerrera, and he even executes one of the members of his Elite Squad for refusing to obey his order. In “Devil’s Deal”, he follows Rampart’s order and shoots one of Senator Taa’s lekku, which allows Rampart to arrest General Cham Syndulla, his wife and other insurgents for the attempted assassination of the Senator. In “The Solitary Clone”, he carries out Governor Grotton’s order to execute Tawni Ames when Commander Cody fails to do so. In “Return to Kamino”, Crosshair reveals that he already has his inhibitor chip removed, and that he willingly pledges his loyalty to the Empire. This shocks the Bad Batch and Hunter refuses to believe it, but Crosshair says that this is who he is. It is not out of character for Crosshair to stay loyal with the Empire even without the effects of the inhibitor chip because of his strong Apollo archetype. He even chooses to return to the Empire despite he is left on the Kaminoan platform for 32 rotations because he is a soldier of the Empire. When Commander Cody talks about the rumour that more Clone Troopers have been questioning Order 66, which explains the increasing number of their desertion, Crosshair describes them as traitors like the Jedi.

Moreover, Crosshair is shown to have a strong conviction of what he thinks it is right and good for himself, the Bad Batch and Omega. In “Aftermath”, he strongly believes that the Bad Batch should have obeyed orders like good soldiers because he does not want the team to get into trouble with the higher-ups. In “Return to Kamino”, He believes that he and the rest of the Bad Batch are meant to be soldiers as this is their purpose. This is why he tells them to stop running and join the Empire because the Empire cannot protect the galaxy without strength, and he hopes to be a part of it. In addition, he tries to take Omega away from the Bad Batch and intends to send her on a shuttle offworld. He claims that this is for her own good and theirs as well. He tells Hunter that Omega is in constant danger from living among fugitives like the Bad Batch (which he has a valid point there), and that Hunter should let her go to protect her.

In Greek mythology, Apollo is known to have sibling rivalry and friendship with his younger half-brother Hermes, the Messenger God, and with his older twin sister, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt and Moon. Competition emerged between Apollo and Hermes when Hermes stole Apollo’s cattle, and from whom Apollo received the lyre. Shortly after Artemis was born, she helped her mother Leto during her prolonged labour with Apollo. There was one myth where Apollo and Artemis were called upon by their mother Leto to avenge Niobe’s insult. In a myth about Artemis and Orion, Apollo was jealous of her love towards the hunter, so he created a challenge for Artemis, causing her to unknowingly kill Orion. As an archetype of the sibling and favoured older brother, Apollo people can easily become part of a team effort. They are also competitors, and they do it well thanks to their emotional distance. Though, they may not win the top position because they appear cautious and do not inspire others to see them as leaders. They also lack the drive to amass either power or money, the vision, decisiveness, or ruthlessness of a Zeus archetype. Crosshair has a brotherly relationship with members of Clone Force 99, and he works well with them. In the episodes “On the Wings of Keeradaks” and “Unfinished Business”, he and Wrecker have a sibling rivalry where they compete each other on who can take down the most droids. Though, Crosshair does not work well with regular clone troopers with the exceptions of Commander Cody, Commander Mayday and Captain Rex (at the later part of the Clone Wars arc).

Apollo values prudence, avoids physical danger, is emotionally distant, and prefers being an observer. This makes him a side-liner, not a hero. During the Trojan War, Poseidon challenged Apollo to a duel. Apollo turned it down and explained that he was not going to fight for insignificant, short-lived mortals. He still refused to be drawn into combat even when his sister Artemis called him a coward (and somehow Hera gave her a beating for that). Furthermore, Apollo was shown to actively dislike heroes. He refused the help from Heracles through the Pythian Oracle. He also opposed Achilles during the Trojan War. Achilles died when he was struck in the heel by an arrow, which was a vulnerable spot as that had not been bathed in the river Styx. In some versions, it was Apollo who killed Achilles, but in other versions, he was the one who guided Paris to take the shot. Apollo’s action is not a heroic act – he shoots an arrow from a distance instead of getting involved in direct combat.

Crosshair is shown to have traits of the non-hero. As stated in “Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Character Encyclopedia - Join the Battle!” book, Crosshair can be cynical and bitter about the war. He is not like Wrecker, who enjoys the thrill of being on the battlefield and engaging physical combat like a hero. He is a sniper who carefully takes down his targets from afar and without revealing his position. Although he carries out his duty as a soldier seriously, he does not like being in the battlefield. The book also states that Crosshair has little regard for regular clone troopers because he views them as expendables. This aligns with Crosshair telling Captain Rex that he would have left Echo for dead because he is “just another reg”.

Apollo is the archetype of the musician. The bow and the lyre are the two stringed instruments belonging to Apollo. He uses the bow to release arrows, while he plucks the lyre to bring forth music. As the most alert Greek god, he produces music that leads people to a clearly seen truth. Apollonian music expresses clarity and purity that bring harmony and lift spirits up. Moderation and beauty are the essence and the effect of his music, which helps to charm beasts and soothe the tormented mind. Aside from music, dance and poetry are also associated with Apollo. Apollonian art is associated with order, reason, harmony, clarity and structure, which is the opposite of Dionysian art (from Dionysus the god of wine and ecstasy), which is associated with chaos, ecstasy, turbulence, emotional conflicts and passion.

I have seen headcanons of Crosshair being a musical expert – he can sing well, he can write songs, and he can play musical instruments (like the piano and bass guitar). He is likely into classical music and ambient music. He also likes songs with poetic lyrics. There are also headcanons that Crosshair is into other music genres like rock, blues, alternative, rap, and heavy metal. I accept these headcanons because Apollonian and Dionysian are the opposites of the same coin. It will be in character for Crosshair to be drawn to chaos, irrationality, intense emotions and passion. In this YouTube video between 17:00 to 19:00, Dee Bradley Baker, who voices the Bad Batch, comes up with the idea of Crosshair singing “The Time Warp” from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” (someone even made a short animatic about it in this link). The song talks about madness, chaos, sexual freedom, sensations, and being in the present, which are Dionysian values. Crosshair may be drawn to these opposite values. Aside from music, there are headcanons that Crosshair is a great dancer (mostly ballet), he writes poetry (perhaps to express his cynicism and bitterness towards the war), and he is into calligraphy, literature and aesthetic art, which align with Apollonian values.

People like Apollo tend to live in their heads, rather than in their bodies, emotions or imagination. Hence, Apollo men are not lovers. Their single-minded focus means that they are not easily distracted by attractive partners. Their relationships with women usually lack passion and emotional depth, which lead to both parties having a brother-sister relationship instead. With this arrangement, Apollo men tend to work best with Artemis and/or Athena women because these women are independent, competent and competitive, just like Apollo men. Though, Apollo men can be attracted to their opposites, which is shown in the myths where Apollo is in love with Sybil and Cassandra, who are psychic women – emotional, irrational, impractical and often unimpressed with him. Most Apollo men find these women fascinating, frustrating and unpredictable, and they may try to control them.

Although Apollo is handsome, virtuous and dependable, he is unsuccessful in love as he is rejected by Daphne, Cassandra, Sybil and Marpessa. Even his love for Hyacinth ends in tragedy when he accidentally kills Hyacinth in a discus-throwing contest. Jean Shinoda Bolen interpreted the women Apollo desires but gets rejected by them as the same women who also may reject Apollo men. These women reject Apollo because he lacks depth and intensity, emotional closeness and expressiveness, or sexual spontaneity. Some women reject an Apollo man because they sense that he is too attached to appearances.

Marpessa was loved by Apollo and a mortal man named Idas. Zeus allowed her to choose her lover between the two. Marpessa wisely chose Idas because she was aware that Apollo would desert her when she became old and grey. This myth can serve as a metaphor of choosing a “human” relationship that has the potential to grow and change over time, rather than a relationship with the unchanging Apollo.

When it comes to his relationships with Sybil and Cassandra, Apollo mistakenly assumes that love can be given in exchange for what he can provide. Apollo granted Sybil the gift of prophecy (which was how the famous Sybilline oracles came about) but she rejected him. Apollo taught Cassandra the art of prophecy on the condition that she became his lover, but she did not keep her word. Apollo got his revenge by cursing her that nobody would believe her. With the onset of the Trojan War, Cassandra continuously tried to warn everyone about the future calamities but she was shut away as a mad woman.

Although an Apollo man is cut away from his instinctual, sexual, and sensual thoughts, these thoughts may arise occasionally. His ability to focus on goals combining with his sexual desire may cause him to pursue the person he loves with great enthusiasm and passion. This is similar to the myth where Apollo was struck by an arrow shot by Eros (also known as Amor or Cupid), causing him to fall in love with Daphne and he actively pursued her. If the woman has not fallen in love with him, like Daphne in this myth, she is unlikely to relate to the intensity of his feelings due to the lack of intimacy and communication in the early stages of the relationship. She may feel like a pursued Daphne and may flee from him, as she feels more like an object he wants to possess than a woman being wooed. The myth of Apollo and Daphne ended with Daphne turning into a laurel tree to escape from the god overtaking her. Apollo still loved her, and the laurel became his sacred tree, with her leaves being made into wreaths that adorned his hair.

Even if an Apollo man manages to win a woman’s heart, she may become disappointed at him with his tendency to “go away” as a lover. She may even be unfaithful in his “absence” like the myth of Apollo and Coronis as stated earlier. If a woman desires substance rather than form, needs emotional depth rather than the security of an enduring relationship, or her nature is passionate, intense and in the moment (like Aphrodite the Goddess of Love and Beauty), she will be unhappy with her relationship with an Apollo man. This is because an Apollo man often does not see the importance of sexual attraction, physical affection and intimate verbal communication. When facing relationship difficulties, the Apollo man often withdraws as he does not see them as his problems. He can stay comfortably in a relationship or a marriage marked by emotional distance and lack of passion. His partner may feel lonely because of his lack of emotional and communication depth. She may become more like Apollo and start to cut herself off from her emotions, or she may become more irrational or hysterical in an unsuccessful attempt to get him to react emotionally.

Fortunately, Crosshair has the Poseidon archetype to balance out his Apollo archetype. This means that he is “handsome, virtuous and dependable” like Apollo, while also capable of depth and intensity, emotional closeness and expressiveness, intimacy, and sexual spontaneity like Poseidon. This archetype combination may make him an ideal partner, but with Poseidon’s relentless passion combining Apollo’s single-mindedness, he risks mirroring the myth of Apollo and Daphne if his desired partner does not reciprocate his feelings. Moreover, there is a tendency that he may occasionally sway too far into one archetype if he is unbalanced. This is because Apollo and Poseidon are the opposites – Apollo is associated with emotional distance, while Poseidon is associated with overwhelming emotions. If Crosshair chooses to distance himself emotionally, he may go too far to the point of inadvertently pushing people away and becoming lonely. However, if he chooses to give into his intense emotions, he may carry out his actions too far and inadvertently hurt other people, which can cause them to become terrified of him. Hence, it is important for Crosshair to find his centre or “Self” so he can take on the best aspects of both archetypes while reducing the risk of being “taken over” by either of them. This is possible if his “Self” is strong, which is associated with Hestia, the main archetype of Echo.

Since Apollo is “above it all” due to being the sun god, he is emotionally distant. This causes him to communicate about his emotions indirectly. When people seek his advice about something that he does not clearly understand, Apollo speaks through the Delphic Oracle, which contains ambiguous messages that require interpretation. People around an Apollo person often have to interpret the cryptic words that hint at their feelings. The Apollo person will withdraw further if they get the meaning wrong or if they try to draw them out. It is ironic that Apollo, the god of clarity who can make a person speak so precisely and clearly about an impersonal subject, is unable to make a person express themselves clearly. Furthermore, Apollo’s emotional distance also means the tendency to avoid emotional conflict, like the god refusing to respond to Poseidon’s challenge to fight during the Trojan War. He prefers to assess or judge the situation or the person from a distance. He is unwilling to “get close up” – be vulnerable and empathic – in order to truly know someone else.

It is clear that Crosshair struggles to express himself and his emotions through words – he prefers to express it through action. In “The Bad Batch”, Jesse gets angry at Crosshair because he interprets his words as insulting the regular clone troopers and disrespecting Captain Rex. In “A Distant Echo”, Rex interprets Crosshair’s words as he does not care about Echo, which causes him to angrily punch Crosshair. In these occasions, Hunter does not call out Crosshair or intervene when Rex punches Crosshair, possibly because he knows that Crosshair does not mean it. In “Aftermath”, Crosshair’s inhibitor chip is somehow activated, which causes him to become adamant about following orders. Crosshair does not understand what is wrong with himself, and his inability to properly communicate his issues with his teammates only worsens with the effects of the inhibitor chip. To make matters worse, Hunter, Tech, Wrecker and Echo do not understand what is wrong with Crosshair. They are confused of his behavioural change since they never have an issue with disobeying orders as they do it all the time. In addition, they are more focused on trying to escape the makeshift prison then dealing with Crosshair’s antics. Crosshair feels frustrated that they do not understand him and he withdraws from the team. He withdraws further when Omega tries to draw him out. In “Return to Kamino”, Crosshair offers the Bad Batch to join the Empire so they can have a purpose again. Hunter counters that Crosshair does not get who they are. Crosshair feels hurt that they do not understand his intentions and feelings towards them, and warns them not to make the same mistake twice and become his enemy. Hunter tells him that they never are enemies. Throughout “Kamino Lost”, Crosshair keeps on explaining why he chooses to join the Empire willingly, but the Bad Batch does not get him and they struggle to accept that he does this without the influence of the inhibitor chip. This causes Crosshair to withdraw himself further to the point of refusing to rejoin the Bad Batch.

People who identify as Apollo are influenced by their innate characteristics, culture and family of origin. If their family discourages emotional expression and perception, as well as enforcing a culture that disapproves vulnerability, encourages competition, and rewards acquiring power, the Apollo person, especially if they are intelligent and good-looking, may become narcissistic. This negative aspect may be worsened if they have narcissistic parents. These parents are likely to make the Apollo child to become an extension of themselves. They feel better about themselves when their Apollo child “wins” and demand that their child reflects well on them. This child feels the need to win in order to retain the conditional love of their parents, which can lead to anxiety and they end up performing worse.

An Apollo person whose life is full of successes may become arrogant. Their sense of self may become inflated, as if they identify with the god or the archetype. They may forget that they are human, and may assume that they can take on much more that they are able. This can lead to disastrous results, just like what happens to Phaëthon, the son of Helios. In this myth, Phaëthon was told by his mother that he was the son of Helios, and the young man boosted about it. When he was not believed in, he set forth to find Helios to confirm the truth. Helios acknowledged his paternity, and to assure Phaëthon further, he promised to grant him any favour he wished. Phaëthon requested to drive the sun chariot across the sky for one day. At daybreak, Phaëthon put on his father’s sun crown and climbed into the chariot. The great horses of the sun felt his unfamiliar and inexperienced hand on the reins and left the usual path taken by the sun. Phaëthon lacked the strength or experience to check their flight, and the blazing heat of the sun scorched the earth. To save the earth from further damage, Zeus struck Phaëthon down with a lightning bolt. Helios, distraught over the loss of his son, allowed the earth to go without light for one whole day, before once more putting the sun chariot on its regular course. Jean Shinoda Bolen interprets Phaëthon’s assumption that he could drive Apollo’s chariot as “an ego trip” that hurts others and causes him to be struck down.

The Bad Batch consists of Hunter, Tech, Wrecker and Crosshair, who are all enhanced clones. Crosshair views himself and his squad as more superior than the regular clone troopers or ‘regs’. In “The Bad Batch”, Crosshair sneers at Jesse and tells him that they usually do not work with regs. In “A Distant Echo”, Crosshair says that he would have left Echo for dead too because he is “just a reg” (though his actions say otherwise). In “Return to Kamino”, Hunter realizes that Tipoca City is being decommissioned, which is not a good sign because he has been informed that the Empire is phasing out clones next. Crosshair is unconcerned of it because he thinks that his loyalty to the Empire, his exceptional sharpshooting skills and his superiority will mean that he gets to keep his position. Moreover, he tries to convince the Bad Batch to join the Empire as they are superior to the “regulars” and their strength can help the Empire to protect the galaxy. When the Bad Batch refuses his offer, he tells them that Kamino, the regular clones, and the Galactic Republic's time are over. He claims that the Empire will control the entire galaxy and he hopes to be a part of it. Crosshair’s assumption that he would be important to the Empire is his “ego trip” which hurts the Bad Batch, and it eventually causes him to be “struck down” when he realizes that he is disposable in the eyes of the Empire in spite of his skills, abilities and loyalty.

Apollo is known to be cruel and punitive, especially when he has been humiliated and dominated by someone else. He does not show mercy when he defeats a rival or when he enacts his revenge. In one myth, Marsyas the Satyr challenged Apollo to a musical contest, with the agreement that the victor could do whatever he liked to the loser. There were many variations of the contest, but the most notable one was that Apollo won the contest because he could play the lyre upside down, but Marsyas could not do it with his flute. As punishment for his hubris to challenge a deity, Apollo had Marsyas tied to a tree and stripped his skin off alive, which is inhumane and cruel. In another myth, after Cassandra did not keep her word, Apollo allowed her to keep the gift of prophecy, but he proclaimed that nobody would believe in her. This punishment is both creative and cruel as Cassandra suffers both for knowing the horrible future and living through it.

Crosshair has been shown to be capable of cruelty, especially towards those who disobeys his orders. In “Replacements”, ES-01 questions Crosshair’s leadership and the efficiency of the clones. He also tells Crosshair that the Empire is currently hiring human recruits, which means Crosshair may soon be replaced. This must have been humiliating to Crosshair, and with his emotional intensity, he is not going to let it slide so easily. When Crosshair decides to execute the civilians in compliance with the order to wipe out Saw Gerrera’s camp, ES-01 refuses to comply because he feels that the order is wrong. He takes over leadership as he tells the squad to ignore Crosshair and they should bring the civilians in for questioning. Crosshair coldly reminds ES-01 that the reason he is put in charge is because he is willing to do whatever it needs to be done. Crosshair then shoots ES-01 in the chest and in front of the squad as a punishment of his insubordination. Although not as cruel as Apollo flaying Marsyas alive, it is enough to cause the rest of the squad to obey his command and execute the civilians.

In “Reunion”, Crosshair hunts down the Bad Batch for being traitors to the Empire. He and his troops surround them at the end of the ion engine chamber, and he orders one of his troops to activate the engine. His plan is to trap the Bad Batch within the ion engine and force them to surrender as to avoid being burned by the engine flare. However, the Bad Batch manages to outsmart Crosshair and escape from being incinerated, while Crosshair gets burned by the ion engine. In “Return to Kamino”, when the Elite Squad Troopers reject Crosshair’s order to stand down, he makes a creative trickshot to execute all four of them at once.

Although Apollo is known for his clarity, moderation and healing abilities, the Ancient Greeks also believed that his poisoned arrows brought pestilence and sudden deaths to mortals. Jean Shinoda Bolen interpreted these poisoned arrows as “venomous words” uttered by an Apollo person. When a moderate, rational Apollo person unleashes his fury, he unleashes his repressed emotions that are primitive, undeveloped and irrational. The Apollo person becomes a venomous snake that harms others with words. His hostile words are often directed towards his loved or respected ones who have hurt him, humiliated him, or did not live up to his expectations. Though, his own positive self is the major casualty. Dee Bradley Baker describes Crosshair’s voice as “a coiled snake”, and his words are “deliberate and ready to strike” – resembling the dark aspects of Apollo. We have seen how his venomous words have wounded many people around him. In “The Bad Batch”, Crosshair’s words have incited Jesse’s anger, which causes a conflict between the regular clone troopers and the Bad Batch to break out. In “A Distant Echo”, Rex is wounded by Crosshair’s words and he punches the sniper in a fit of rage.

Throughout Season 1, Crosshair accuses Hunter’s failed leadership as the reason the squad is in trouble, which causes Hunter to start questioning his leadership skills, and he blames himself for leaving Crosshair behind. In “Kamino Lost”, Wrecker is hurt by Crosshair’s mocking his intelligence, and he points out that Crosshair never once tried to reunite with his teammates by his own volition, and that they would have accepted him back. In the same episode, Omega tells Crosshair that she wants to believe that the inhibitor chip has made him like this but she is wrong, indicating that she is hurt by his claim that he already has the chip removed and he willingly joins the Empire.

Since an Apollo person tends to live in their heads and uphold their values, they are often ruled by an idea of what it should be. They care greatly about their appearances, and they want order to their own worlds. They are unlikely to make choices based on their heart, emotions and instincts because these are devalued within them. As a result, an Apollo person can remain in a boring and meaningless job, an empty marriage, or a study course they are not interested in, despite knowing that something better exists out there. With their tendency to emotionally distance themselves, they are able to appear unaffected by the loss.

Crosshair is a sniper, which means he only takes the shot when he is absolutely certain that he can hit his target. Any slight miscalculation will give away his position and possibly compromise the mission. With that, I can see that Crosshair is a risk-averse person. This is evident when Omega suddenly shoots the rifle out of Crosshair’s hand, taking him by surprise. When she starts spraying several blaster bolts in his direction, Crosshair chooses to retreat as he cannot predict her movements, let alone predicting that she can use a blaster well.

We know that Crosshair is proud of being part of Clone Force 99 for they are known for their 100 percent success rate. This makes Crosshair believe that they deserve challenging missions as seen in the Hyperspace Stories #10 when he initially complains that the mission to investigate battle droids can be done by regular clone troopers. Being part of Clone Force 99 also means that Crosshair sees himself and his teammates as the more superior one. In “The Bad Batch”, when Rex takes charge of the mission to the Cyber Center, Crosshair challenges his authority because Clone Force 99 has been called in to help Rex, which means they (or more specifically, Hunter) should be in charge, not Rex.

With the rise of the Empire, the Bad Batch decides to defect because they do not agree with the Empire’s orders. They become mercenaries while also taking care of Omega. On the other hand, Crosshair doubles down on what he is made for and what he is always good at – as a soldier. He believes that the Bad Batch is made to be superior soldiers, and that the Empire will benefit from their skills and abilities. In “Return to Kamino”, Crosshair offers the Bad Batch to stop running and join the Empire to have a purpose again. To him, being a soldier is all that matters, and it does not matter that his allegiance is to the Republic or to the Empire. He is angry that Hunter chooses to throw away the squad’s legacy and defect. He feels that Hunter has brought chaos to his ideal world and has tarnished the squad’s reputation. He even tells Hunter to let Omega go and stop pretending to be something that he is not – a father figure to Omega. He also looks down at Omega because she is a child, despite that she has proven many times that she is a helpful ally, and she even saves him from drowning.

Even if Crosshair knows that the Empire is bad news, he is unwilling to break away from his values and his ideal world. He tries to justify the Empire’s action of destroying Tipoca City, saying that the Clone Wars is over and now the Empire will expand their control across the galaxy. Although he is left stranded on Kamino for 32 rotations, he still chooses to return because he is a soldier of the Empire. Since Crosshair cannot see what lies ahead if he chooses to give up being a soldier, he is unwilling to take the risk and run away. He stays with the Empire because they can bring structure and stability to his life, like providing him food, weapons, clothing, shelter and payment. He even scoffs at the thought of being more than a soldier as he sneers at the Bad Batch for scavenging like rats in “Reunion”. He also calls the clones that are questioning the Empire’s orders as traitors like the Jedi in “The Solitary Clone”. His tendency to live in his head and his decision to choose order above all else have made him physically and emotionally distant from everyone. The more detached he becomes, the lonelier he gets, which is shown throughout Season 2.

It is necessary for an Apollo person to grow beyond their rational and logical mind, and be in touch with their heart and body. Jean Shinoda Bolen has proposed four methods to grow beyond the Apollo archetype. The first method is to make room for Dionysus in the psyche. Apollo shared his temple at Delphi with Dionysus. Inside the temple, there was a grave of Dionysus, and the cult of Dionysus celebrated his death as an adult god and his reincarnation as a new-born infant. During the three winter months, Dionysus was worshipped and celebrated there, while Apollo went away to the realm of the Hyperboreans. Jean Shinoda Bolen interprets it as the Apollo person must realize the need to live in the moment, and to be absorbed in sensation, feeling, inner imagery, or outer experience, which will allow Dionysus to be present.

Many Apollo people can gain access to the Dionysus archetype through Dionysian music and dance. Dionysian music and dance are perceived as a bodily experience that invites people to dance spontaneously and without self-consciousness. They respond to the music instinctively, letting their bodies move with the flow of the music. In romance, Apollo people are goal-oriented and technique minded. They tend to stay aware of the clock and they may be self-conscious in how they express their love. By allowing Dionysus to take over the romantic aspects, the person becomes more focused in the present and becomes less conscious of their sensuality and methods of expressing love. The relationship will feel like a soulful communion or an emotional merger. I have seen fans describing Crosshair being critical of his appearance and becoming anxious in pleasuring his partner, and I think these are true to his Apollo character. With that, he must learn to let Dionysus in his romantic life, and this can be done with encouragements from his partner.

Hunter is innately Dionysus while Crosshair is more like Apollo. They are the opposites and they balance each other out. When Hunter focuses too much on his body or other people, Crosshair likely helps to shift his focus. For example, in “Aftermath”, Crosshair wants Hunter to focus on the mission and stop being bothered by Omega. It is possible when Crosshair stays in his head for too long, Hunter encourages him to let go and live in the moment. I have mentioned that Dee Bradley Baker once proposed the idea of Crosshair singing “The Time Warp”, which evokes the Dionysus archetype. Dee Bradley Baker once joked that Crosshair would be the one that sits in the back of the classroom eating a bottle of glue (link here), which also evokes the Dionysus archetype. This means that it is possible for Crosshair to move his Apollo archetype aside for the Dionysus archetype.

One of Apollo’s principles is “Keep the woman under rule”, and Jean Shinoda Bolen interprets as an Apollo man’s tendency to suppress his anima, the unconscious feminine of a man. Carl Jung views the anima or inner woman as the realm of emotions and relatedness, which is linked to the man’s emotionality and capacity for closeness and receptivity, which is usually undeveloped. With that, the second method to grow beyond the Apollo archetype will require one to liberate the anima or inner woman. This liberation means to have a positive regard for “feminine” values, which allows one to honour their own feelings and the feelings of others. This method helps an Apollo person to get out of their head and into their heart or body, which enables them to feel connected to nature and all living beings. According to Jean Shinoda Bolen, most Apollo men gradually develop their anima through loving women who do not live in their heads and who can speak for their feelings. An Apollo person often hurts other people’s feelings unconsciously or due to their self-centered attitude. The Apollo person must be willing to listen and learn about feelings so they can be more caring towards others and not wanting to offend others.

Although Crosshair is surrounded by his brothers, he is free to liberate his anima (which is discussed in this link) under the encouragement of his brothers. Hunter has a strong Demeter anima, which is the mother archetype. Wrecker has a strong Aphrodite anima, which is the lover and creative woman archetype. Echo has a strong Persephone anima, or more specifically Persephone Queen of the Underworld. Demeter, Aphrodite and Persephone are associated with emotions, instincts and connectedness with others, which can help Crosshair to develop some positive regards for these values. Echo also has a strong Hestia anima, which is the wise maiden aunt archetype. This wise maiden aunt archetype can encourage Crosshair to follow his heart. Like Echo, Omega has a strong Persephone archetype, but it is more towards Persephone the Kore, which is the maiden archetype. This maiden archetype can encourage Crosshair to have a hopeful outlook in life, to be willing to trust others, and to be kind and compassionate. Even though Tech has a strong Athena anima, which is a feminine archetype that leans more towards living in one’s head and becoming detached from the heart and body, he has the Hermes archetype to counter it. Since Hermes is known to be an alchemist, a guide of souls and the rescuer of the child, he has the ability to unite masculinity and femininity, which is extremely helpful for Crosshair. By surrounding with people who view emotions, instincts, sensuality, and connectedness with others as positive values, Crosshair can learn to listen and be more considerate of other people’s feelings.

When a person is a sun-blessed Apollo, they begin life with a favoured status and with some advantages that help them to succeed in this world. The successful Apollo person usually takes credit for their accomplishments and assumes that their success is well deserved, leading them to become prideful. They may also blame others for not succeeding, without considering other factors such as circumstances, status quo, personality or intelligence. Hence, the third method to grow beyond the Apollo archetype will require one to learn humility. An Apollo person may need to actually be in someone’s shoes, or to suffer loss and feel grief, before they realize how arrogant they were and how much they did not know or appreciate. They may need to make a terrible mistake and be forgiven to experience humility. They may need to grow older and go through humbling experiences to become wiser.

The events of “The Outpost” finally gives Crosshair the hard lesson of humility. By working alongside Commander Mayday, Crosshair is able to actually feel the fit of a different pair of shoes. Although Mayday is a regular clone trooper, he is highly experienced, confident without a hint of hubris, and caring towards others. Yet, Lieutenant Nolan looks down at him for being a clone. After Crosshair and Mayday realize that the stolen cargo that they are sent to retrieved contain Stormtrooper gear, Mayday gets upset that they and their fellow brothers are thrown aside despite their combat service, sacrifice and loyalty. From here, Crosshair finally sees and feels himself in the same position as Mayday – the Empire still chooses to cast him aside despite his loyalty, exceptional skills and his supposed superiority as an enhanced clone. Later, Crosshair loses Mayday and he feels immense grief over his death. He is furious at Lieutenant Nolan for refusing to provide medical attention to Mayday. Lieutenant Nolan represents the worst aspects of an Apollo person – arrogant, cruel, thinking he is above everyone else despite lacking of command experience, and disregarding others who are below him. Upon witnessing and experiencing Nolan’s cruelty and hubris, Crosshair finally realizes how arrogant he was in the past. He also finally realizes that he did not appreciate the Republic, the Jedi, the Bad Batch, regular clones like Rex and Cody, and Omega, who are all better than how the Empire treats him and other clones. Crosshair’s decision to kill Lieutenant Nolan represents his decision to kill off his arrogant self and choose to become humble.

An Apollo person has a tendency to always do what is expected of them, without questioning whether they really want to do it. Since young, they gain love and approval for conforming to the rules, which is not difficult for them based on their archetypal nature. It often takes around the time when a mid-life crisis hits to make them start questioning their life. The fourth method to grow beyond the Apollo archetype requires one to make decisions based on love instead of logic. Once an Apollo person starts following their heart, they step out of the boundaries of their “known” rational world. They become human: they know that they are now vulnerable and they may make mistakes, but they are willing to take risks. They also give up the emotional distance that both protect them and keep them isolated.

Crosshair has a natural tendency to do what is expected of him, and he does it without questioning. He gains love and approval for being a good soldier that follows orders. His self-worth is based on what he is good at – as a soldier and as a sharpshooter. As a result, he does not see himself being more than a soldier and a sharpshooter. However, throughout the series, we are seeing Crosshair starts to follow his heart. In “Reunion”, Admiral Rampart orders Crosshair to execute Clone Force 99 for their desertion have made them traitors to the Empire. However, Crosshair reveals that he never intended to kill them in “Return to Kamino”, which means he is going against the Empire’s orders. Moreover, in “Rescue on Ryloth”, when Howzer chooses to stand up to the Empire and helps the rebels to escape, Crosshair does not choose to execute him for treason or for going against orders, which he has done previously to ES-01 in “Replacements”. Furthermore, in “Kamino Lost”, Crosshair chooses to save Omega from drowning even though his action does not fully regain his brothers’ trust. Although Crosshair is disappointed that the Bad Batch refuses his offer to join the Empire, he still chooses to protect them, lying in his report that they have perished in the bombardment of Tipoca City. In “The Outpost”, Crosshair gives up the mission to retrieve the stolen cargo, and chooses to bring Mayday back to the Imperial base in hopes that he will get medical treatment. In “Tipping Point”, Crosshair shoots the Stormtroopers but he chooses to stun Emerie Karr instead. He does this because Emerie has been at least kind to him, and it is possible that he knows that she is a female clone like Omega. When he attempts to escape, he sends Plan 88 to the Bad Batch, warning them to hide as the Empire is after Omega. He puts his brothers and sister above his need to be rescued. Of course, this journey won’t be easy for Crosshair, but as long as he continues to put an effort to let love be his motivator, he would gradually see himself as more than a soldier and a sharpshooter, and realize that his self-worth is not determined by people with authority. He would also learn to be vulnerable and be willing to take a leap of faith into the unknown.

I have the Apollo archetype as my animus. I was born into a well-off family that prioritizes education. I was able to earn very good grades and show off my various talents. With that, I was treated as “the golden child” in the family, receiving many praises from my family, relatives, teachers and even strangers. Many of my uncles and aunts would compare me with my cousins, saying how I was better than them in every way. I have to admit that all the love and approval had made me arrogant and judgmental. During my college and university years, I went to study law under my family’s suggestion. The reason was that I could work in the legal firms owned by my uncle and aunt. Besides, being a lawyer meant that I could gain a higher status in society and I could protect myself from people who wanted to take advantage of me.

I thought I have a clear future path ahead of me. However, the day after I took my first examination to become a lawyer, I had a terrible realization: my father would have never recognized me as his daughter if I wasn’t smart or talented. My parents separated since I was three, and my father had pretended that I never existed in his life. That all changed when I started to perform well in school, and he started introducing me to his business partners and workers. He was proud of my achievements and boosted about how he was a great father to me, when in reality, he was rarely there for me emotionally throughout my childhood. This realization devastated me. I almost lost sense of my identity. I did not know myself beyond my intelligence, skills and talents. I found myself only being held in high esteem based on what I could give to my family – excellent grades, high status, the perfect image of a family that raises a child to be a successful woman, etc. I was lost, not knowing where to go – this was not the life I wanted.

Then, I was denied by my uncle and aunt to work in their legal firms. I also failed my examination, which shocked my family because I always passed my examinations in my first attempt. They pressured me to retake the exams in hopes that I could pass and become a lawyer. They wanted me to earn the high status and get a stable job. Though, I had lost the motivation to become a lawyer, and I failed my retake. Since then, I became “the black sheep” in the family, and now my family threw various words to berate me. I also failed in my first relationship, which hurt me immensely. I wandered around aimlessly, unable to find a job because I could not find one that piqued my interest. I slipped into depression once more as my future became bleak and uncertain.

When I watched “The Outpost” and saw what Crosshair was going through, I saw myself in him. I saw a proud child, doing everything in their power to please those with authority, only to find that their efforts mean nothing to them, and they get casted aside instead. I was touched by the episode, and I had compassion towards Crosshair. As I saw him starting to move beyond his Apollo archetype, I found myself doing the same. Currently, I am studying a Master’s Degree in the field of education, which I have found a passion for it. My father has apologized for causing so much childhood trauma on me and he is willing to make amends, which strengthens our father-daughter bond. He now tells me that I can be whoever I want to be, and that I am more than my intelligence, skills and talents. I start to become more in touch with my instincts and emotions. I learn to be humble and less judgmental. I learn to embrace the positive and negative traits of Apollo, while choosing to move beyond this archetype. I hope to see Crosshair continuing this journey, just as I am doing now.

[sarahmadpeople]

Family Dinner

Summary: Halstead’s sister thought that this time, family dinner would be peaceful but boy was she wrong.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Hailey Upton, Will Halstead x Halstead!Reader, Jay Halstead x Halstead!Reader

Characters: Halstead!Sister Reader (OFC), Dad Halstead, Will Halstead, Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton, Jay’s daughter (OFC)

Tags: light angst, fluff, brother love, family dynamics

Warnings: none

Word count: 1101

Disclaimer: i don’t own any of the characters and this is purely fiction but based on true event ✌🏼

a/n: first chicago med fic although i’ve been watching the series since forever,, jay and hailey have a daughter in here (they deserve so much),, sorry for any mistakes and hope you enjoy this short fic ~~

Masterlist

~

There’s no Halstead family dinner that’s uneventful and that includes tonight. Everyone’s here at dad’s home for our weekly dinner. Will was the one who insisted on having dinners like this to spend time together after dad’s narrow escape from death in the apartment fire (and to watch dad’s diet once in a while, not that Will would admit that).

Dad’s seated at one end of the table and Will at the other end while Jay and Hailey sat at one side of the table and Alina and I sat at the other side of the table. Alina is my niece, Jay’s and Hailey’s daughter, who’s turning 8 years old in a few months.

Our plates were all loaded up with food that Will and I cooked since we’re in-charge of dinner tonight.

“The mashed potatoes are so good! I’m guessing Evie cooked it?” Jay said, in between mouthfuls of mashed potatoes. I laughed, “That’s right, big brother, and it’s mom’s recipe so can’t go wrong.”

There’s a pause of silence after I mentioned mom but that’s normal, we all miss her. Trying to cheer the moment, Hailey complimented the pasta that everybody knew Will made because it was his go-to dish to cook (and his most famous in the family). Dinner resumed and everyone made small talks with each other.

“I want to eat bread with nutella,” whined Alina and I glanced over to see that her dinner was already half-eaten. “Go and take the bread and nutella from the kitchen,” I instructed and Alina smiled cheerfully, skipping to the kitchen and back to the dining table with said items.

I helped Alina to spread the nutella on the bread and continued eating my dinner. Not even 5 minutes later, Alina called out to me, “I want more,” so I said, “You can do it yourself, Alina”. I pushed the bread and nutella to her. I was about to continue eating when dad voiced out, “Why can’t you just do it for her? She wants to eat it.”

Before I could even answer, he continued, “Sometimes, I think that you don’t like Alina. The way you treat her at times is just uncalled for.” I looked at dad, was he being serious? Was he really going to talk about this during dinner? Granted I’m not the kind of aunt who’s lovey dovey with their niece but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. I’m rough with her because she’s like my younger sister who can tolerate and even return that treatment to me. It was like your typical sister siblings behaviour. Regardless, it was a mutual agreement that we don’t upset each other while eating and dad being dad, went straight to break it.

“Dad, Evie’s in the middle of eating, she hasn’t eaten since lunch and was busy the whole evening, besides, Alina’s old enough to spread the nutella on her own.” I heard Will saying. I felt myself shut down, which usually happens when I’m upset.

“Yeah dad, Alina can do it herself, don’t be mad,” Hailey started before turning to me and apologised, “Sorry Evie”. I shook my head and smiled (more like grimaced) at her, whispering a short “it’s okay”. Then, before Alina could reach the bread, I took it and made one for her. My eyes got teary and I knew if I talked I’d cry so I whispered to her, asking if she wanted more. Alina nodded so I made another piece for her.

I went silent the entire dinner. Having lost appetite after what happened, I ate slowly and ended up picking half of what’s left on my plate. I felt Will nudging my leg from under the table and I looked up to see the concern in his eyes. I smiled and continued picking at my food.

One by one, everybody finished their dinner and I carried my own plate together with what’s left on the dining table to the kitchen. Tonight, it was also mine and Will’s turn to clear the dishes and clean the kitchen. So while the two of us were in the kitchen, the rest were in the living room watching tv.

“I’m sorry about dad. He shouldn’t have said that, especially when we’re eating.” Will said, starting what he hoped to be a conversation that I honestly was not in the mood for. I shrugged and replied, “Whatever, not the first time and i’m sure it’s not gonna be the last. Let’s just clear all these so we can go home.” My tone giving Will no room to retort or continue the conversation. So we cleaned in silence and soon dad’s kitchen was back to its original state, clean and tidy.

‘Hey dad, I’m gonna go home first. See ya around,” I didn’t bother to wait for any replies before heading out the front door.

“Evie!” I heard Jay called out and stopped. I felt Jay approaching before he entered my line of sight. “I want to apologise for dinner, about Alina and Dad. I know you love my daughter, no doubt about that. It’s not fair for dad to say that to you, after what you’ve done for Alina ever since she was a baby. I’m not excusing him but it’s not like you don’t know him, right. Please don’t let this be our last family dinner.” Jay said.

I scoffed because yeah, I know what dad is like, but I thought he could’ve at least spared my dignity over dinner. “Don’t worry big brother, I’m not gonna disappear just because of tonight. I’ve faced worst than this, and I’m sorry too about Alina, I could’ve just prepared more than one piece of bread and no drama would occur. It's my fault too.”

Jay laughed and shook his head, “Don’t blame yourself, we’re Halstead, what’s life without drama,” he paused, then continued, “Okay, not gonna keep you here any longer than you’d want, so see ya around kiddo, and wait for Will, you live with him,” Jay ruffled my hair and went back in. Seconds after, Will was rushing out of the house.

“You’re so impatient, lil sis, left me high and dry in there to explain to dad why we’re rushing back home,” I heard Will and rolled my eyes. As Will turned the car engine on, he looked at me and said, “Dad said he’s sorry for what he said just now,”

I nodded. I looked at the house dad stayed and thought about the people inside and knew that I wouldn’t change this family for anything, even with the baggage it comes with.

“Okay.”

~

thankss for reading!! ❤️

[majortomyourcurcuitsdead]

Some S2 E2 thoughts

Just rewatched a second episode of a second season; what a good one it is.

I wanted to write out some thoughts I had about Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s dynamic while watching it; this may have been discussed already in one way or another, but I think this aspect is so omnipresent within the series that it can sort of be taken of granted, and possibly overlooked. I also like analysing out loud, or, like here, by writing it out (it's good for my as I like to call it my acting brain).

So, my main point being is (and it can divulge into a different one in a bit cause I am sleepy yet passionate about this)- Both of them see through each other, like no one else they know does.

Crowley’s “I want to destroy children of Job” ? (Naah, Aziraphale doesn’t buy it)

Aziraphale’s responses to Crowley ~ - Whose side are you on? - God’s of course. - Oh, really? The same God that wants me to whack the kids? - Yes… (Crowley’s like lmao angel welcome to the club I guess)

And please, this is so important to support this whole point - can we talk about Crowley’s

“What do you know about what I want” bit

The facial expression, tone of voice and the eyes which we luckily have a quick glimpse of in this scene (and I have a suspicion that it was done on purpose so they are visible here), they scream “I see and understand that you know me, but it’s too dangerous for me to just be who I am. So let’s continue, at least for now, to play this game and let me create the illusion that I am a demon that I am, they need to see it. Not because I sincerely want to actually be one, fuck that to be honest; I just don’t want to die. Am I angry at this? Do I even feel a certain contempt, actually directed at myself for where I am at? Yes. Can it be better? No”.

But I also think that this is buried quite deep in the case of Crowley; you could say it’s subconscious (but most likely with time and at some point comes more to the light). I also realised with rewatching and reading other’s thoughts about this, this I-want-to-destroy-children-of-job-and-stuff “shield” for his own survival has actually grown thicker with time. (And what I want to add, not deep enough to actually sincerely want to be evil, that wouldn’t be the character we have; at least in a canon way we have now).

It’s interesting because Aziraphale is not quite the same [yet], in regards to a stance with his respective “offices”; so they are not fully mirroring each other in this aspect [again, and hopefully yet]. (As an additional note, the most similar Aziraphale was to Crowley in this regard was right after the failed Armageddon, but as we know at the end of Season 2 he returned to Heaven with a newfound hope to make it better).

Yes, Aziraphale sees through Crowley and Crowley sees through Aziraphale. But it’s only Aziraphale who actually wants to be a part of Heaven. And more precisely, he stands for what Heaven is on paper (love light peace etc), which is in fact very obviously very questionable in practice. And excuse me, Crowley? The Shuhite Crowley who in the end saves children (and also later down the line is concerned about feeding ducks with bread? Pure evil incarnate yes). Definitely a very loyal servant of Hell.

Crowley is obviously way ahead in his journey of being the odd one out, and this episode beautifully shows a muuuchh slower downhill route of a similar nature for Aziraphale (“You’re going to fast for me Crowley” much?) But that being sad, Crowley assists him on his journey when he feels is a right moment to do so, by nudging him in a direction of questioning Heaven (cause he sees his Angel is deep down in his propaganda sh*t and Crowley just wants him out of there), but also just by being there where Aziraphale is in distress without making uncomfortable moments more uncomfortable for him (I remember specifically this being pointed out by someone already, I will make sure to link the post once I find it). So as mentioned, both of them see through each other, like no one else they know does, right? Imagine how the will see through each other even more clearly after both of them are on the same page in this regard.

Ok I will be going to sleep .. soonish cause if I said "now" that would be lying tbf I just take tooo long to prepare for sleep

[marvelmaniac2000]

Sugar Plum Love

  Summary: You and Edward have been roommates for a while and you love everything he has done for you. Recently you have broken up with your long term boyfriend, and he couldn’t help seeing you fall apart. 

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Characters: Edward Nashton x fem! Reader (Y/N)

Subject: lots of soft dom, Pure Fluff, romance scenario, Kissing, something very light, mostly cute dialogue, crying, light cursing, MINORS DNI, 18+ ADULTS

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Words: 1.1k

Side notes: (Grammar apologies) I wrote this late at night, but I loved this scenario. So cute... I’ll try to edit it as much as I can heh heh …  But I miss my Eddie munchkin fandom  *sighhh* remember batman II won't be out until 2026 😭

You sat at your kitchen table with a tube of ice cream in your hand and the tv remote in the other. Anything to block out your asshole ex would be great right about now. Most of your ice cream began to melt a little from you constantly mixing it in circular motions.  Your phone vibrates from an unknown caller. The message came through from a different number from her ex. Without rolling your eyes you answer.

“What?” you scold.

“We aren’t together anymore, right?” you rolled your eyes holding your phone.

 “I said I was sorry for cheating ok? Come on everything we've been through? Give me another chance, babe pleasee” he didn’t sound genuine at all. You sigh a big relief and give a blank “No” before landing your device beside you.  You exhaled a bit before a wisp of despair rushed over you.

“Don’t cy, don’t cry” you whisper before little tears welled up in the corner of your eyes. You hear a click of a door and wipe your cheeks clean. 

“Oh hey Eddie you’re back early” you tried to hide your pink cheeks from him.  “Um no not really, I always come back here around this time.”

“Wow (Y/N) what happened to you?” Are you ok? Why are your cheeks so red (Y/N)?” Eddie sat his backpack down before coming over to you.   

"No don’t worry about me Ed I’m ok I just needed some time to think that’s all” you begin to cry even more. Eddie already knew who did this to you. It was that asshole ex of yours always taking you for granted. He had noticed this has been going on for a while now and couldn’t stand him at all. Ever single ounce of his being wanted to mash that guy into a million different pieces if he could. He didn’t deserve you at all. Every phone call or text you would send  goes unnoticed or unanswered for hours even days before getting a reply. It was bound to happen that you both were going to break up anyhow. Why would Edward pray upon the downfall of his lover? He only wanted to see you happy too, but.. With him. So he just stuck it out until eventually you came crawling back to him. Eddie pushed his glasses up and slowly placed your soft head against his chest. He softly stroked the crown of your hair while shushing you. You bury your face in his heavy sweater inhaling in his scent. If anyone else was there for you it was always him. The only common guy who made sense in all of this mess.

“Don’t cry sweetheart” Eddie whispered. Anger boiled inside of him. Edward of course couldn’t let this slide, or go under the radar. But somehow he needed to figure out what he could do to stop his little precious girl from crying. He’ll take care of him later.  You close your eyes and listen to his sweet hums.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this” you look up at him. “No no no don’t bother” Edward cusped your cheeks together. He wiped a tear away before sitting in the chair next to you. Your smooth soft hair felt so delicate to his touch. It smelled like beautiful coconut shells and lavender.

“(Y/N)” Edward softly pulled a curl around your face. “Mmm?” you moaned. “Um.. You know what I’m about to say right?”

“What exactly?” you questioned.

“You deserve someone better than him.”  “Yea I know” you whispered.

“So why put up with it? You’re so smart, kind, and beautiful and funny”  

 “Well I thought he was the one, He was everything I thought I needed in a guy. But hey I guess that proved me wrong.” There was a silent pause before you continued. Edward looked down for a moment and wondered what else he could do to make you feel better. “You know something Eddie?” You smirked and bit your lower lip.

“Yea?” he looked into your eyes so innocently. “I think the guy I needed in my life was someone like you” you giggle a bit.

“Really?” his pulse began to race wondering what was happening.  

 “I-I think you’re just telling me that” he stuttered. “Eddie, you've been with me through a lot of things, and I can’t imagine living here without you. You’ve made my life so much easier. All the late night dinners, laundry and car rides you’ve arranged for me.” You hold his cheek in your hand and turn his beautiful eyes toward you.

“Don’t you think so?” “I think we both share love for each other more than we realized.    

 “I agree" You locked eyes with him and leaned in to kiss his lips. Edward's heart races even harder feeling this intimacy he’s never felt before. This wasn’t Edward’s first time kissing a girl since he’s had other hookers in the past but with you he felt an immense fire and spark he’s been dying to feel between you both.  Eddie sucked your bottom lip to gain more access to your luscious lips. You moan even more not realizing how dominant he could be. Eddie pecked both of your hot cheeks and held your delicate hands into his. He rubbed your fingers massaging any knots that stressed his lover out.   

“For now on and always, I’ll be the one by your side (Y/N)”. You chuckled a bit.

“Now I’m crying from happiness” you teased. Eddie grinned and grazed your chin.

“That’s how it always should be sugar plum”  

“I say we forget that loser and let me take care of you mm?” Edward wiped another tear from across your face.

“Are you sure about it? I’m a grown woman I can take ca-” Eddie stopped you mid sentence.   “Don’t worry about it baby, I got you” Eddie pecked lips. “For now let’s go get some rest” Eddie pulled you by your hand and guided you to your bedroom.  

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[razorwrites]

Was Light Yagami Kira? A dissection of Light’s motivations.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!! FOR THE DEATH NOTE ANIME/MANGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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We can all agree that Death Note’s protagonist, Light Yagami is the Villain of the story, but I don’t think that becomes apparent to viewers in the first few episodes.

Whenever I see people online talk about Death Note, most agree that Light started out with good intentions but later became corrupted in his pursuit of power. I disagree. I don't think that there was ever a time when Light was killing criminals out of a sense of moral obligation. From the moment Light picked up the Death Note in episode one to the moment he was caught in episode thirty-seven Light’s motivations stayed the same, power and a means to sate his boredom. The first volume of the manga is called “Boredom” after all.

I believe that Light's descent from idealistic vigilante to delusional authoritarian wannabe with a god complex— try saying that five times fast —begins in episode four and is fully cemented in the narrative by episode seven. That is not to say that Light had pure intentions in the beginning. That couldn’t be further from the truth. However, I don’t think that Light’s sadistic tendencies are supposed to be apparent early on. Sure, his plans were overzealous and unrealistic from the start, but they did seem to come from a good place. Even if it was sort of twisted.

By not showing Light’s darker characteristics in the first couple of episodes the viewer gets to know the charismatic, intelligent kid with a strong sense of justice that the rest of the characters do. Which makes it all the more jarring when his true colors begin to show.

I know that when I watched Death Note for the first time I was rooting for Light, granted I could not have been older than eight so my worldview was very idealistic. That said, it was during this stretch of episodes that younger me realized that Light was not on the side of justice, instead he was looking out for his own personal gain.

The fourth installment of the Death Note anime is a turning point, not for Light but for the viewer. The way you’re meant to view Light as a character fundamentally shifts in the episodes that follow. Throughout the first three episodes, we see Light in a way that is for the most part favorable. Without getting into the ethics— or the lack thereof —of the death penalty we can all agree that when people do bad things they need to face the repercussions, so Light can’t be evil if he’s just feeding criminals their just deserts right?

That is exactly the way the writers want you to think during those early episodes. And it is in episode four that they begin to challenge that thinking making, you reevaluate everything you know about Light and his motivations.

What makes this shift in perspective evident is the character Raye Penber. Penber is one of twelve FBI agents sent to Japan to investigate the Japanese police and their families. Unfortunately for him, he was assigned to investigate the Yagami family, specifically their teenage son.

When Light notices he’s being followed he devises a plan to find out his “stalker’s” name. Using the death note he makes a criminal who had yet to be taken into police custody hijack a bus that he and Penber are riding. This puts Penber in a situation where he has to show Light his ID.

Ironically this feat takes place on the last day Penber would have been investigating him and his family. Light was already cleared of suspicion by the time he learned Penber’s name.

(Light is narrating)

And if he truly was only concerned with the betterment of society there should have been no reason why Penber had to die. But of course Light does not operate that way, instead, he sees this FBI agent doing his job as a personal slight. Light wants to send the message that he is god and anyone who thinks of opposing him will burn.

When Light claims Penber’s life in episode five along with all the rest of the FBI agents he does so not because they would have hindered his efforts in ridding the world of evil, the death note is an untraceable, undetectable method of killing. There is no way investigators could prove that Light's writing in the notebook has anything to do with the deaths of criminals, Light even says so himself.

Instead, he does it to make an example out of them.

Light kills those FBI agents to feed his ego, using their deaths to send a message to L and the Kira task force.

Up until this point Light had only killed criminals and people who were directly opposing him. Penber’s death was the first innocent to die at his hand or rather his pen. It is satisfying that Light’s choice to kill Penber resulted in an oversight that caused L to look into him more closely and ultimately led to his downfall. Especially since Penber’s death was completely unnecessary.

Side note: Light using Penber to kill all of the FBI agents in Japan is extra evil because people who use the death note can’t go to heaven or hell. So Light didn’t only kill the man, he ruined his afterlife as well.

Naomi Misora was a former FBI agent and the fiancé of Raye Penber. Before the events of the series, she worked under L in the Los Angeles BB murder cases. We learn of her sharp intellect and detective skills back in episode five when she correctly intuits that Kira was responsible for the bus being hijacked when Penber tells her about it.

After Penber was killed Misora began to theorize about Kira. She figures out that Kira can kill in more ways than a heart attack and that he can control his victims’ actions before they die. It is both random and unfortunate that when she went to share this information with the police she ran into Light who was dropping off a change of clothes for his father.

From the moment Light hears her mention the Kira investigation every action he takes is carefully measured. It’s almost predatory how swiftly he manages to lure her into a false sense of security. First, he walks up to the receptionist and loudly states his name and relationship with the chief of police.

Then when the receptionist recognizes him from his time spent helping his father with previous cases, Light pretends not to recognize him, causing the receptionist to explain out loud that Light has worked with the police before. All in earshot of Misora.

When Misora is sent on her way because no one from the Kira task force is available (They are meeting with L for the first time) Light offers to walk with her and allow her to use his phone to speak with his father if he calls back, revealing to her that his father is the lead investigator on the Kira investigation.

Keep in mind, at this point Light has no idea what information Misora has, whether it's something the police already know or if it holds any weight at all. For all Light knows she’s a harmless conspiracy theorist wasting the police’s time. It was already confirmed to us, the audience, that she knows what she is talking about but Light has no way of knowing that. To Light none of that matters. He still asked for her name— presumably in order to kill her —before he found out what intel she was so desperate to share. He even offers up his own name first, spelling included as if to make her more comfortable in sharing her own.

However Misora was cautious, she knew her fiancé died shortly after being put in a situation where he had to show a stranger his badge, so she gave Light a fake name when he asked. And when Light tries to write her name on a page of the death note nothing happens. Though in the brief period between writing down her alias and discovering that it had no effect, Light inner monologue says something disturbing:

When Light learns that this woman was the fiancé of Raye Penber he uses his knowledge of her loss as fuel to manipulate her.

And finally, when he manages to trick Misora into giving him her name, by appealing to her desperation to speak with L, He mocks her as she walks to her grave.

Clearly, he’s taking pleasure from the amount of power he has over the people around him.

It is a popular notion in the Death Note fandom that Light Yagami is the mask and Kira is who he truly is. I don’t believe this to be true. Before I can explain why I think this way, I need to define what Kira is in the first place. Kira is not an alter ego that Light created, rather it was bestowed on him by the public when they interpret his crimes as acts of God. Light may have referred to himself as “the god of the new world” before this point, but it is public perception that grants him that title in any meaningful way. Furthermore, it is the same public perception that decides that Kira is a force for good. Kira to the general public is a saint who damns the guilty and protects the innocent. However, we know that’s not what Light is about. Light doesn’t kill criminals out of a sense of moral obligation, he does so because he wants to exert power over others. Killing criminals just makes it easy for him to justify his actions.

In reality, both Light and Kira are characters that our protagonist is playing. He is neither the perfect son nor the god of the new world. Light isn’t motivated by altruism or a sense of justice. He is driven by a need to assert that he is better than everyone around him. He acts out of pride and boredom, not a moral obligation like he’d like you to believe. Death Note’s protagonist is special in the way that he manipulates everyone around him, even the audience.

It brings to mind a line of L’s from episode twenty-five.

Only we, the audience, don't realize how deep L manages to cut with this question, considering Light hasn’t been honest with us either.

I hope you enjoyed reading my take on the mind of Light Yagami! Did you agree with my takes? Did you disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings about this meta. Feedback is greatly appreciated as I am new to this style of writing, and if you’d like to discuss any point in this work further don’t hesitate to use my ask box! Have a good day/evening/night <3

[kittykunny]

For the details nsfw asks post: 7, 27, and 48 please!

7. A genie has granted you 3 nsfw wishes, what are you wishing for and why?

all STDs stop existing right this second, everyone who has one is retroactively healed. I think that's self explanatory xD

pregnancy only happens if both partners involved actively want it. Again, pretty self explanatory xD

I can make people behave towards my kink in whatever way I want them to (aroused, disgusted, obsessed, indifferent, etc). This is purely self serving, because I would love to go out doing taboo things and have people react in the way that makes me the horniest. A lifelong dream of mine is being taken out naked, on a leash, as my Dominant is running errands, having food, talking to their friends, and have everyone around us act like it's the most normal thing when I just squat and piss on the floor in the shopping mall, start rubbing my clit because I'm bored at the supermarket queue, or even start humping a stranger's leg in the subway

27. Have you ever masturbated to something that was not porn? If so, what was it?

Oh god, SO MUCH STUFF, especially as a kid/young teen with no internet access. Any scene in a book or movie that involved a character pissing themselves was a surefire way to get me horny (still is, lol), and there was a particularly nice one in an otherwise normal kid's book about a boy going on an adventure in the Amazon and he gets restrained by a constrictor snake for hours and ends up pissing all over himself. I was around 12 and I masturbated SO MUCH to that it's not even funny

48. Describe your favourite nsfw body part that you have. Why is it your favourite?

It's hard to pick something, but honestly I'd go with my tits. It took me a long time accepting that I'll never have perfectly round and perky tits because they're SO BIG, but now that I did, I feel comfortable flaunting them and even have fantasies centered around them. They're a 5D in Italian size (40D in the USA), heavy, have a normal amount of sag for their size, with big brown nipples and a light, almost invisible patch of stretch marks on their sides.

Thanks for the ask, love, and I'm sorry it took me so long to reply!!!!!

[harrowscore]

Ehy Val! How was the return from Milan? Any interesting anecdotes to tell about the experience of Les Miserables?

oh hi, love!!

yes, milan was amazing! obviously i already visited it last year for phantom (..... i still can't elaborate that i've actually seen it. and with THEE ramin karimloo too!), but this trip was also special.

1. i met @mircallaruthven - first time i've ever met a mutual irl in over ten years on tumblr lmao. she was as smart and lovely as i'd expected, of course - can't wait to see each other again ❤️

2. les mis was great! soooo, these are my impressions of the show:

the cast was VERY solid! unfortunately it was the staged concert, and i was far away enough from the stage so i could see perfectly the scenography (bare as it was. the lighting was great tho!) but very little of the actors' faces lol. the acoustic was flawless tho.

daniel koek was a very classic, somewhat old-school jean valjean, with beautiful singing and a strong, operatic voice. i enjoyed him very, very much.

my brother and i were absolutely floored by bradley jaden's javert (our favorite character, to no one's surprise). great voice, and a heartbreaking javert's soliloquy. on a more shallow note, he's also very handsome sjdjhdhf (#hotjavert agenda keeps winning!)

channah hewitt was such an emotional fantine - all the feelings poured down from her body, from her voice, like water. i couldn't see it that well from the gallery (thanks astigmatism i guess lol) but her wig (and cosette's) was glorious.

i think enjolras was harry grant smith - and he sounded and acted exactly as i imagine enjolras would. powerful baritone voice, but still with a boyish, youthful note. commanding, "charming but capable of being terrible", charismatic but also somehow an introvert. he was really good.

the thénardiers (gavin lee & linzi hateley) were a highlight of the show! they were hilarious. it helped that the italian audience didn't laugh at inappropriate times (when madame is verbally abusing little cosette, for example) like the english-speaking audiences usually do for... some reason i guess. we all laughed at their funny antics and ad-libs - like, when he said "i should have married her sister" and madame replied "i wish you had" lmao.

but the real star of the show (besides the leading man and javert, of course) was nathania ong's éponine. such a pure timbre, vaguely reminiscent of frances ruffelle, and sheer power - i wasn't the only one to think she was mind-blowingly good: my dad (and considering the audience's reaction to her on my own, probably everyone else too) thought the same. she also had a childish quality to her acting that i found very interesting. you could see her éponine was only a young girl, after all.

it was a staged concert so there's not much to say about the scenography, but imo they compensated for the absence of the barricade with... some kind of huge barricade-looking contraption, red-colored and illuminated, that came down from the ceiling during the second act. it was really cool to see, tho i imagine not as much as the real deal from the staged show.

the cast added some new, interesting touches and details here and there that would delight every long-time fan. the first that comes to mind are little gavroche hugging grantaire in drink with me, after the latter's pessimistic outburst. in the epilogue - for the joy of my fellow enjonine fans - i noticed enjolras and éponine standing side by side, stroking each other's arm in a really cute, friendly but surprisingly ic (at least for musical-verse!e&e) gesture. that melt my heart ngl

as it was expected, i cried and sobbed like a baby throughout all the epilogue scene, as per usual lmao. it was a miracle my painstakingly applied make-up didn't melt all over my face and turn me into a scary clown lol

tl;dr: it was really good! unfortunately for personal reasons i was a bit distracted during the show (i had some kind of minor relapse... nothing worrying, it was more annoying than anything else) but in the end it was worth the whole trip. if you want to ask me for more details you can also dm me, don't worry!! ❤️