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The fun thing about picking up a cat from the street is that they know a negative amount of rules and will commit entirely new crimes
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Verosika playing card from the Helluva Boss playing card deck.
[source] [source 2]
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Alastor being a weird deer man and grooming people he cares about part 2 (part 1)
I've been a good girl today. I worked on a presentation for the lecture I hate. I deserve to make a little sketch. Yeah. Yeah.
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POV: you entered his office without knocking. He can explain.
(This started as a study in his expressions but then idk what possessed me)
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Extremely specific headcanon I have for Hazbin Hotel, that has yet to slip into any actually written (not just half done in a draft) fic:
Bear with me but, Lillith ruled Hell for an as yet unknown period of time, yes?
What if, to amass the power she needed rapidly enough to challenge Heaven, she simply... wrote into Law, in a place where Sinners were unlikely to look or contest even if they could, that she immediately gained ownership of the soul of anyone who hit Sovereign Overlord rank?
Binding that Sinner and their amassed chains to her instantly.
With a number of caveats under the Law, including one to bind them to silence about the matter, one to allow her to pull power form them and their networks as needed, one to bind them to her service including the battlefront if required, and one to advise that they could not lose overlord rank unless defeated. The latter preventing both the power from depleting, and her clever little thralls from simply voiding the 'deal' and being able to tell people of it.
Should one of her Overlords fall, they likely regenerate on the end of a leash for the new Sovereign who would succeed them. You would assume they could tell someone, but ah, that's the clever part... another little addendum to the Law she wrote in after one of her former thralls tried to spill the proverbial magic beans to Lucifer...
Thankfully, her husband had been utterly subsumed by a depressive episode and was clearly dissociating so hard he was mentally four Rings down as the sinner begged his help...
But after that, and after her favourites had feasted on the fool, Lillith learned. She carefully changed her wording to void that any Soverigns current or former, those who 'lived' and served on a chain to a Sovereign, could not share anything about their ties to the Queen or her plans or anything of that nature.
She'd pulled in a few of the scholarly but socially inept Goetia princelings for that one. They were so interested in the Words and the way they could curl the language so restrictively tight (theoretically) that none even considered wondering what the Queen needed the terms FOR. Envisioning a real world application was just... not how they operated, after all.
What care they for the plights of sinners?
Couldn't Lillith bind them with her songs? Perhaps. But Sinners were tricky, and all so differently empowered more than a few could rival her own tricks if pushed or boosted. Ah, and that's the carrot over the stick, of course... for every Sovereign she forced to kneel to her, she bounced power down the line as well. A neverending feedback loop where both parties received something... some even gained new tricks.
Why would they fight back if it benefitted them? When the Queen didn't really bother them all that much except the occasional task or request? When they loved bloodshed and slaughter, and each dreamed of what Heaven could look like when decimated and ripe for the pickings under their claws, paws, tentacles or other appendages.
Some of the older Overlords, the Sovereigns, she left to their own devices at this point. She never had to fight for Zestial's loyalty, he was a nightmare made 'flesh' but his respect for the royal house was widely known. Even moreso when the Princess was born.
They would take tea in the gardens sometime, easily waving away the ever-present leash between one throat to the other's hand. Sometimes, Lillith imagined she wouldn't really need to bind him, that she could count on his support if she let the deal break, but... a niggling fear always held her back.
Given how capricious Heaven was growing, how carefully worded the missives and their demands, she couldn't help but grow paranoid. Charlotte was a threat to them. The chubby cheeked little thing that occasionally blew one of the palace walls out with her midnight wails for a feed, was a terrifying Thing to the feathered fools above.
She felt their eyes on her, on Charlie, on Hell constantly.
In a perfect world, Lillith would pluck their wings one feather at a time, until they reconsidered tormenting her family. Her people.
Perhaps there were denizens who deserved eternal torment... but not all of humanity's children could be painted with such a broad stroke. There were those here who should have ascended... who were weighed down by a mistake made early on, or an act in panicked attempts to save their own life, or even retribution for a life of cruelty. How could Heaven see what trauma these sinners bore and decide that one act defined a whole life of living, breathing, loving and laughter?
Ah, but that was what she clashed with them over.
After all, these were the Good Peoples who requested Charlie be terminated before and almost immediately after delivery. Lillith had lost several overlords and hellborn soldiers keeping them from Lucifer and Charlie that day. And then the weeks after, when they tried over and over. Damn their portals.
Zestial had been of particular assistance there. The only one she felt safe enough having close to the newborn and her healing husband, his powers surging back as they no longer needed to feed the growing child. Still, he was nowhere near at full strength, and Heaven saw vulnerability as a time to strike. The cowards.
She had pooled their forces and fought back, rebelling mildly at first. In ways that seemed appropriate and proper to the situation of course... she could get away with such actions to defend her family.
Little forays became ongoing assaults from above. Time passed in a whirling miasma that felt at once like molasses and yet... as dizzyingly swift as an out of control merry-go-round. Immortality was heavy and confusing, even for the First Woman.
Her people, the majority at least, rallied at her warcry. At the songs she gave them to strengthen their resolve, to empower them all to face the angels...
And then a few new toys fell into Hell, changing the playing field slightly, as Heaven's plans changed. First, came the technologically empowered Sinner whose very existence birthed telecommunications and radios in all seven rings... a way for her to reach out to all her subjects at once was quite the boon. And on the other hand, his odd skillset made the Sinner quite the swiss army knife, and it took little time to ensnare his soul as he ascended with alarming speed to sovereign overlord status.
Secondly, and most horrifyingly, came the exorcists. They were called Guards, at first, of course. Strange, hard to kill angels that seemed more... battle inclined. Less empathetic to the Sinners.
Of course angels before them had killed in their attempts to get to the Royals, but these... things... they just killed whoever stood in their way. It was disgusting, how blatantly they would take lives so permanently and smirk at Lillith, at Lucifer, at the others.
Lillith came to hear of betrayal amongst her own ranks as well. Dissent for being owned was nothing new, not for her Sovereigns... but to discover some were openly plotting with Heaven to allow access to Charlotte? To Lucifer and Lillith? Her fury was incandescent. Violent and merciless.
She tore the ringleader apart, but the others scattered.
She sent the ever graceful and ruthless Rosie, the Canibal Queen, after several of them and turned a blind eye to their ends. The others, why she unleashed Alastor, the Radio Demon, upon them. After all, hunting Sinners was his preferred pastime, and she also needed him to make an example of them on the funny little show he did.
Their screams helped to soothe Charlotte to sleep in the evenings, as they rocketed across the airwaves. Lillith never did truly compel the Radio Demon to explain how he managed to force them into the airwaves and prevent reformation... but ah, does it matter when everything is working well for once?
Feeling more in control, finally, the Queen allowed herself a rare moment of relaxation. Something she would curse herself for in future. So much wet wrong beneath her weary gaze, and she saw none of it until the dominos fell, revealing the hidden pattern far too late to do anything about it.
Since Charlie's birth and the constant barrage from above, Lucifer had truly withdrawn into himself. Lillith couldn't let such melancholy invade their daughter's formative years, working to keep them separated to allow him time to heal and settle. Let him come back to himself, to be the father he Could Be in time.
In hindsight, her actions were cruel and pulling from him the only joy he truly knew in those dark days of self-loathing. She should have watched him far closer... for a moment of weakness, a chink in the armour is all one needs to strike.
Somehow, Heaven slipped through the cracks, whispered in the ear of her little love... convinced him that Hell's population was too numerous, that if he agreed to a thinning of the herd, Heaven would sign an agreement against harming any Hellborn during their proposed Cleansings. With Charlotte's name top of the list of protected persons.
Of course he signed. Lillith had been furious about it in the moment, but once per decade was better than nothing... and she could see where his heart was in this, he wanted to protect Charlotte as a father, to keep them both safe.
She'd acted out of emotion then, taking Charlotte with her from the palace and leaving for her own, enraged. Mind whirling with plans on how best to thwart this new threat... some things slipped in the interim, especially when it came to her Sovereigns.
Lillith called several to her, naturally, seeking counsel and support from more than a few of her trusted. Additionally seeking some guidance on parenting from the few she trusted who had been decent enough caregivers, like Carmilla.
She failed to see the burgeoning problems between her Radio Demon and the newly rising Vox, until things fell apart. Just as Hell was growing enamoured with the miracle of television and visual media that swept through the Rings, and her collar closed on the man's throat... a miscommunication blew her plans to use their combined abilities to rally Hell, right out of the water.
Vox had pursued someone oblivious to his intentions, who thought they were friends. Alastor reacted calmly and firmly rebuffing the first few times... but grew weary of the insistence, something Lillith came to hear of in passing through Rosie's love for gossip. If the Queen could have stepped back through time to make a change, she would have halted that nonsense before it spiralled out of control... before Vox made his fateful connection to that Moth.
Valentino was a Sovereign, yes. But Lillith used his chain to keep the moth as far from herself, her daughters and the other overlords as possible. She disliked being in his prescence. Of course his smoke couldn't compel her... but she knew what he was, what he used his powers for... what he whispered in the ears of others to darken their hearts. So very... like Heaven, it made her skin crawl.
There was a strategic value in his powers, potentially, but they had no angels apart from Lucifer to test the efficacy of the smoke upon. And the archangel simply shrugged off the intoxicant like an unpleasant air freshner. Lillith found herself discarding the moth, mentally, and moving on to other plans.
Something she regretted, when looking back. You did not turn your back on someone like Valentino, it allowed them access to your lowered guard... and for someone like the moth, the loss of favour and interest in them could easily cause resentment to stir.
Battle plans accelerated, she had her peoples armed and pulsing with her song through the airwaves and television screens. All willing to fight, to rebel, to stand under her banner.
Charlotte was nearing her adult years, which was why Lillith even dared risk this inevitable confrontation. They couldn't hurt her daughter, not like this... she was powerful, like Lucifer. Idealistic and frustratingly filled with hope, but... exceptionally gifted, even with the agreed upon restrictions placed atop Charlotte when she was barely delivered. Bound, but not helpless.
The next extermination was crawling closer... this would be the eighth to occur, and Lillith grieved all those lost in the ones before. But planning a war, or at least a proper defence, took time and strategy. A chance to save All i the future, meant losing Some in the interim sadly.
Perhaps she abandoned Charlotte more than anticipated in this time. She simply wanted to keep Charlie distracted, sending her off with different Sins for holidays and visits... but it was never enough. Lillith craved to see her darling daily, and yet... for her safety, she had to appear distant, aloof, cold and closed off to her daughter.
If Heaven succeeded, the repercussions MUST fall on Lillith alone. Charlie would be spared. She had to be, or what was the point of it all?
Rarely did Lillith feel her Sovereigns call for her through the chains, it was not exactly a well-loved situation by the majority... but her favoured often tolerated it well enough. Yet, when it happened, she always responded rapidly.
This had not been... the anticipated scene, however, as she materialised inside the newly formed AV Tower to find Valentino pinning a stunned-looking Alastor to the floor with several arms and smoke filling the air. Vox grinning as his eye swirled, the words he spewed churning Lillith's very stomach as he tried to change the fundamental nature of his once-friend.
Once more, she regretted not having the moth dealt with earlier on. This level of manipulation... not just Alastor, but Vox, her little picture box who had always been so eager to help and protect... this was vile. Pink saliva dripped from the moth's tongue onto the deer's face, rolling off his clenched smile.
She had separated the three immediately, blasting Valentino and Vox so forcefully backwards that parts of the pair began to combust in hellfire. Irrational as she knew it was, all she could see was Adam trying to force himself onto her in the Garden, and it filled her with a rage that blinded the Queen to all else.
Even if Alastor had not been one of her favoured, and a dependable executioner of her enemies, she wiuld have defended him. Or any of her Overlords, against such an assault to their person.
Her furious song made Vox's screen crack, made Valentino tear at his own antennae until one tore off as it resonated deeply within his head. It compelled them to grovel, even as she helped the bespelled Alastor upright, curling her song around him so the notes did not cause him harm.
Lucifer would not understand why she returned home angry that night, he tried vacantly to appease her, but was so deep in his own despair from the latest demands of Heaven that Lillith wasn't surprised he didn't ask why she dragged a sinner to the palace. Nor was there even the slightest recognition in those normally sparkling eyes as he mechanically flushed the remaining biochemicals from the Overlord's form, with the barest flex of his powers.
Lillith couldn't help but worry at his increasing absences... but there was so much going on. He ate, because she ate... he spoke when she spoke to him, and he retreated to his rooms when it was all done. Everything by wrote, in the worst way possible.
He barely noted the addition on the nearest couch, nor the other Sovereign who remained knitting furiously on a chair nearby. Imp servants politely offering a variety of foods and drinks to all present...
Only the brief call from Charlie in the Wrath Ring breaking the heavy atmosphere in the palace that evening.
Lillith felt on edge for days after. There was so much happening, and that wasn't even counting the issues amongst her Sovereigns...
Heaven had to pay for their misdeeds, and she finally felt on the knife's edge of rebelling. The final straw came in the form of a new missive, delivered with obnoxious pomp and circumstance by some sort of Cherub... which she had internally debated allowing Alastor and Rosie to eat, as the pair had always mentioned wanting to see if it tasted like Heavenly veal.
However, she held them at bay... this time.
At least... until she read the message. A smug little memo that the exterminations would now be every five years, instead of every ten, made her see red. Lillith's blood boiled, and in a moment of anger, she did indeed eviscerate the messenger despite the proverbs against it.
Reluctantly, once the moment of fury ended, she'd allowed the cannibals their delicacy... and then had to use their collars to contain the pair in the palace for the next few hours until the heightened sensations of bloodlust and manic joy wore off. She wrote a new law into Hell that night, preventing anyone from eating Cherubs whenever possible. For practical purposes.
One couldn't have the whole of Cannibal Town blissed out and bloodthirsty, after all, they could more easily decimate Hell than the exorcists under such circumstances. The absolute ridiculousness of her day made the Queen laugh heartily, not quite dispelling the rage she felt around he missive but... lightening the burden.
Lucifer crumpled in on himself hearing the new proclamation. The despair was palpable, his claws tearing at his own hair at the realisation that this was how Heaven would play it from here on out. Always pushing for more, more, more now that the first signature was given... always pointing their angelic spears at Charlie whenever he pushed back. Lillith had to sing him out of a panic attack so violent the former angel nearly passed out.
Once he was settled again, Lillith put him to bed and snuggled close, taking the time to memorise every inch of his face... the sensations of their bodies melded together, tucking it deep in her mind for-... well, just in case.
Tomorrow, she decided.
Lillith sang a quiet lullaby into the ears of her twitching husband until he settled peacefully into an enchanted sleep. She hoped he might forgive her in future, when all had come to pass... but if not, then at least he was safe this night.
And so it came to be, that when the exorcists rained down upon Hell, they came across an empowered army waiting to fight back. Furious at always feeling under threat from Heaven, when life was already so miserable.
Lillith's song set hearts thrumming to the beat, filling them to the brim with power, sinners and Sovereigns alike. They fought with everything they had, tooth, claw and powers of all kinds... but the exorcists were far too tough to simply pin down and disembowl as one could a cherub.
They seemed faster, more resilient, devoid of anything but the cruel joy of slaughter like any sinner might be. How had they ended up Winners, with such attitudes?
Lillith fought by her Sovereigns, close to her favoured ones as they took on Heaven for her. Some of the Sovereigns had resisted mightily, but she had been able to change their minds with persuasion... others, she ordered with songs. If Valentino and Vox were front and centre of the battlefront, so be it.
Sinners were being slaughtered in every direction, drowning her hopes for victory as their angelic steel seemed to rain down upon them without any reprieve or mercy in sight. She felt the call to retreat rise in her throat, and die out as a familiar figure blocked out the red sun before her...
Adam, grinning behind an exorcist mask, swiftly engaged her in combat. Lazily using his granted divine abilities to force her backwards, clearly enjoying having her on the backfoot. Lillith wasn't certain who gave the arrogant bastard Grace, but they deserved to experience a molten lava enema.
Without any particular strain, as her spear broke against his buldging form, Adam knocked her to the ground. Pinning her, his grin wide and delighted; lecherous in a way that sent her into a momentary flashback to Eden, and her pulse thundered, vision greying at the edges.
A shield flickered to life between them before his disgusting tongue could get anywhere near her face, leaving the Queen sighing in relief. Adam snarled, demanding to see who had thrown up the odd translucent black dome between the pair. It flickered, wobbly and not as tangible as it could be, before snapping out of existence as several exorcists took their chance to subdue the caster.
Ah, yes of course... Lillith had been feeding more of her power down the chain to Alastor, Rosie, Zestial and Carmilla these days. Her 'four horsemen' she liked to joke in private. New abilities were bound to develop... but this shield was intriguing.
The Queen headbutted Adam as he laughed at her Sovereign being downed. He yelled, nothing particularly pleasant in his response, and tried to strike her in response only to find a shield making his palm sting instead.
An exorcist slammed Alastor's head into the ground with the blunt end of her weapon, finishing whatever small trace of consciousness remained. Lillith could see that the battle was nearly over, her sinners, her subjects and her Sovereigns all decimated.
Rosie was bleeding sluggishly to her far right, with Carmilla and Zestial fighting over her, forcing angels back to allow an imp medic time to patch up the Cannibette. Exorcists across the field were laughing as they stabbed still twitching forms.
With a sharp dismissive wave, Lillith sent her remaining Sovereigns from the battlefield. Once they landed, they could theoretically summon their remaining soldiers through their deals... leaving the dead and dying to the battlefield.
Adam slapped her, right across the face, commanding that she stop her games. Delighted to have the upper hand again now that her rebellion had failed... and to see her brought low against him.
"We can't have this sort of thing spreading, Lilly, you know that. So I think you and the fucker with the shield thing are going to come with us, up top, and one of the uptights is going to pay Lucifer a little visit. See what we can negotiate after you fucking idiots decided to push back." He crooned, just about radiating malicious glee and self-importance. "See, my rockin' bitches, my girls here, they love to kill you vile sinners, and well... once every five years just ain't cutting it for my soldiers. I've already got the green light from Sera to have Yearly exterminations.... all thanks to you."
Lillith's heart stutters in horror. No.
"Oh yeah, you bet. See, I'd make it once a month, but Sera's a bit tight about that... she said she would consider it if we can't come to an agreement. So I think we're gonna make one of those little Deals that gets your Demon dicks hard, right? You're gonna promise to come with me and play nice, keep your red pet over there under control in Heaven, and I'll stop pushing for monthly access to Hell... we'll sign the yearly accord like planned. Sound good?"
She glared at him. "What would you have me do?"
He blinks. "Uh, well, just knowing you and the homewrecker are trapped apart is going to be fun for me. But I don't want your used ass, I got my girls, and I can have any of 'em I want anytime. THEY love me, like you were supposed to."
"We will be... safe? And the hellborn will remain covered by the contract?"
"The imps and shit? Yeah, course. They're just doing their thing, they didn't choose to be here, they're just living their lives." Adam shrugged, bored with the topic. "And you can bring the sharp-toothed deer with you, as company or whatever, but he bites anybody and I'm going to liquify him. Don't like that shield shit he was on about, we might need to try and work out a way to break it while you're having time with us..."
That sparked interest. They were afraid of the shield? Why? It had deflected some attacks, but it wasn't a strong ability, Alastor had only manifested it mid-battle... but then again, it had the potential to cause trouble for everyone above if he honed it. Or she boosted it with her voice.
"...as long as the terms of the deal are as stated and not subject to change, I will agree to it." She accepts, knowing it's all she can do. Her hand clasps Adam's, and the energy explodes in all directions. She feels her gorge rise as a chain clamps about her throat, the chain resting in Adam's hand... as Heaven had originally wanted her bound to the First Man.
With a grin that twisted her insides, Adam hefts the shackled Queen into his arms and spreads his wings. "C'mon Lil, let's get back to a place where they understand the concept of bathing... alley-oop!"
She cursed his name as they took off, heading for Heaven, her heart drowning in misery.
-------
Hours turned to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and then years... it blurred after a while.
Adam held his bargain, he dared not touch her, but he did bother her regularly to wave his metaphorical dick about. Prove his superiority.
Lucifer had never needed to. He was small and sweet, but his power, his confidence could radiate when he was feeling like himself. He never needed to show off like this to enforce his position. You could sense the King and his Authority when needed.
She agonised over his state, as he had woken to a world destroyed and a wife gone. The hierarchy of sinners in shambles and a new demand in his hands for more death and destruction. It must have destroyed her little love... but at least Charlotte was safe.
As time wore on, Lillith was left to her own devices. Often only with Alastor to speak with, when the angels weren't demanding to play target practice with him, trying to find new ways around his abilities.
He was often dropped back to her less than whole, but able to regenerate with a little musical encouragement. Adam wouldn't let his girls use pure angelic steel with their new toy, because he liked to drag out his games.
Lillith couldn't recall how many times she had attempted to apologise for the situation, for Alastor being trapped with her here. He always waved it off, some cheery nonsense about how fighting was better than dead... and she had done the same for him.
At least she wasn't here alone. That may have driven her to madness.
Eventually, she was left on an odd plane, a little pocket dimension that encompassed an ocean and a few luxuries. You never hungered here, or felt the need to use the facilities, but you could bathe in hot water for hours without pruning so there was that.
It had been hilarious the time Adam barged in to find both Queen and Sovereign Overlord soaking in ridiculously decadent claw footed tubs filled to the brim with scented bubbles, having quite the conversation about some exorcist gossip he'd overhead between training rounds. Soft music wafted through the tropical air from Alastor's internal radio, a bit mued but functional even in Heaven.
Lillith is certain it was the cucumber slices on their eyes that short-circuited Adam's tiny brain.
He accused the pair of sleeping together, which set them into hysterical laughter, confusing Adam further. He'd originally come to demand to use the radio fucker for a new training session with his girls... but this whole scenario set the First Man off.
Lillith couldn't help but feel a thrum of satisfaction at seeing him foolishly try to puff out his chest and assert dominance in a room of people who didn't care one iota. Still, Adam's fragile ego decided that the risk of ANOTHER man stealing Lillith away was too great, despite the near decade the pair had lived together in semi-harmony (the Queen maintained that there were other good genres of music, and she would kill him herself if she had to hear certain songs again any time this century) with nothing happening.
The fluffed up fool actually ORDERS Lillith to send Alastor back to Hell. It was a wonder that the 1812 Overture with Cannon didn't start playing in triumph behind the pair as they shared covert under-cucumber glances at one another.
"Of course, Adam. As you wish." She capitulates, and settles back in the tub. "Was that all?"
"Yeah, you better do as I say! I-... what? Er, yeah. Just get him gone by tomorrow, I got some shit to get through."
Lillith waits until he is gone to shoot out of the tub and pull on a robe, tossing another at the overlord before he even has a chance to step hoof out of the tub. He just about falls back in, leading to his shadow playing a laugh track, and getting yanked into the tub with him.
Of all the Overlords to be trapped with, at least Alastor was entertaining. Still, they had been handed golden eggs, and there was little time before Adam would recall his folly and try to slay the goose.
They had to act fast.
In rather a rush, the Queen outlines what she needs Alastor to do, without pushing around the current boundaries of Adam's own restrictions on her. The ones filtering down to her Sovereigns through the collar on her own throat, infuriatingly.
He must find Charlie, and help her, protect her without backing down. He must find Lucifer and force the King to take respobsibility for his child, his people, if he's still stuck in that haze of lost time and despair. He must not let Adam succeed, but he also cannot take up arms against Heaven.
Too much movement and Heaven would notice she had tasked him against them. If her leash went taut, so did Alastor's.
It was only later, that she would think over her wording and regret the specificity of her orders.
---------
Her overlords are in disarray after her departure, infighting and a sense of arrogance at her Silence. The chain links remain lax, and so... more than a few overstep their bounds.
The first she knows of any changes, is when Adam comes to complain that 'her brat' has built a hotel for Sinners to be redeemed. Ah, Charlotte was such a dreamer... as her father had been, once.
Bitching himself raw about having to meet with her about her plan for this nonsense. He flashes images on the orb, showing off pictures of her dear little girl all grown up and a ragtag assortment of-... hold on, was that an exorcist?
Why was Charlie kissing her? Oh... dear. Well, their line was quite attracted to the angelic kind, it was only a matter of time.
A distorted figure in the background of one of the shots tells her that at least Alastor has joined in on whatever her daughter is up to. And that Lucifer has requested the meeting makes the Queen assume he must be at least partly involved. The King's hang ups about Upstairs wouldn't allow him to passively call for a meeting, he must be jumping out of his skin right about now in fear for Charlie.
Of course she is the first to hear Adam's gloating as he returns, touting delight that the exterminations were now every 6 months and he was going for 'that little cunt's hotel' first.
Lillith hoped to one day watch him choke on his last breath for that statement. He could do whatever he wanted to her, but not Charlie. Not her daughter.
Stomach roiling, her face impassive, she listened... and for the next six months, she fretted and plotted. Trying to find a way to help... trying to work out where to from here.
------
Lillith's nails dug into her thighs every second after the horns blared to signify the exorcists were leaving. It reverberated in her pocket dimension, unheard by the rest of Heaven but a cruel and specific taunt from Adam right at his First Wife.
Dread gnawed at her insides.
Let her live through this. Let Adam break the oaths first... let Lucifer intervene.
She couldn't help but move to the orb oh so carelessly left for her in the sand. Watching would hurt her, but not knowing the fates of her loved ones burned like angelic steel.
Lillith fell to temptation once more and forced the orb to show her the battle. Heart thundering as she watched the scene play out, with Adam breaking a far too familiar shield and Rosie's cannibals and cannibettes devouring angels.
She cursed at the sudden realisation. It was so obvious to use angelic steel against the angels! How had they not tried such a contingency before?
Charlie looked so beautiful, so deadly amongst the army fighting back... and that angel of hers played the sword perfectly to Charlie's shield. Oh... that one would definitely receive the royal blessing for Charlie's hand when she asked.
The chain linking to Alastor jerked, and she couldn't help but feel it fracture momentarily before stabilising. Her attention flickered to the roof to see the battle that commenced when the shield shattered... and the ending. Her eyes noted the distinct lack of angelic steel, and Lillith swore. She did not typically do so, but this... this was a special occasion.
Do not take up arms against Heaven, why had she phrased it that way? How could even the most powerful sinner defeat the First Man without angelic steel? But her order to protect Charlie at all costs countermanded any attempt to dodge fighting like this.
The Queen tugged at her hair and gasped as one of her Favoured was downed. She tried to pulse power down the chains, but it was muted given the pair were in different realms.
Adam turned his attention to Charlotte, and the Queen's heart seized in her chest. The violence and glee Adam showed when aiming for Charlotte was horrifying, and the fool couldn't help but showboat about it.
The gratification of seeing Lucifer step in to pummel the bastard into the dirt was... something else. Something that made her heart thrum and her skin tingle. Ah, he was so handsome in his full demonic form.
And then the little gremlin maid stabbed Adam, leaving the Queen overcome with delighted joy as tears pricked in her eyes. The collar disintegrating about her shoulders as he gasped his last.
She was free. She could go home.
A sound at the entrance had her tossing the orb to the sand and reclining on her sun lounge, artistically unbothered as she pretended to tan. That annoying pick-me exorcist, Banjo or whatever her name was, arrived to bleed all over her pocket dimension.
"Adam's dead, and so's your deal with him. Now I need you to go deal with your little bitch of a daughter, as soon as possible." She snarls, and Lillith makes a show of rolling her eyes.
"If you insist."
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The Queen portals home faster than she can blink, taking her first acrid breath of hellfire and brimstone in eight long years with joy and minimal coughing.
Her chains pull taut as she calls on her Sovereigns to attend her. Some fight, but are subdued easily enough...
And Lillith leads them to the newly refurbished Hazbin Hotel, where her overwrought and overjoyed daughter stands amongst friends singing about tomorrow. Ah, she definitely was Lucifer's child after all.
The final note breaks as the Princess chokes out a sobbed 'Mum?' before racing to her. Lucifer dropping to the ground so fast he could have broken his wings if they hadn't retracted in time as the King cautiously approached.
"Darling, I'm so pleased to see you again... safe and sound. I've brought some help to get this place sorted out once more, and then we can chat about the future of your project, hmmm?" Lillith falls back into the role of Queen so easily, like changing attire.
Charlie is trying to pulverise her ribcage... and then Lucifer tentatively puts his arms around the pair to crush them even further. She pets their hair, humming to soothe.
Others present are in awe, never having met the Queen. however, she is looking for another in the mess of bodies. Easily, she begins to disperse Overlords about the place to manage the rebuilding efforts.
Rosie is next to arrive, flinging her arms about the Queen in joy to see her again. Zestial bows low and kisses her hand as Carmilla curtsies, before Lillith tries to crush the pair in her deceptively strong arms.
"I missed you all, thank you for standing with my daughter." She greets them, smiling. Charlie is by her own angel, beaming through her sobs, vibrating with her emotional overload.
Lucifer hovers close, and squints between the overlords and Lillith. He gasps. "You didn't..."
"Oh, but I did. A long, long time ago... and I don't regret it." She murmurs back, as the Overlords wave up at him. "The ones before you are almost all of my Favoured Sovereigns, but I am missing one... would you happen to know where I might find Alastor, dear?"
Lucifer's expression scrunched up tight. "Ugh, the deer? Really? He's such an asshole..."
"Perhaps, but he's a friend and I am concerned about what I saw of his fight with Adam. The requests I made of him before he returned to Hell were... not well articulated. I'm afraid that they pushed him to act literally, and he was harmed as a result."
"Returned from where, exactly? Where were you?" Lucifer asked, ignoring the rest, but languidly looking around for a haze of red.
"Heaven, unfortunately. Adam quashed my initial rebellion, but in order to stop him pushing for monthly exterminations I was forced to make a deal. I was trapped in Heaven, with him... and with Alastor. Long story, I'll tell you it all later, I promise." She assures, watching his expression crumple and smooth back out as her words hit home. His hellfire crown flares at the realisation that Adam had effectively kidnapped her.
"If he wasn't already dead, I'd pull him apart for that."
"I know, darling, and I love you for it. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I see who I'm missing..." Lillith mutters, heading off towards a red blur who is holding another smaller reddish white blur in the air by the back of their attire. Under any other circumstance, she would remain with Charlie and Lucifer, never letting go... but she had to fix her mistake.
Lucifer followed after her, seemingly annoyed at her focus on the Overlord, but wanting to remain close.
"Alastor, darling, lovely to see you again..." she opens, all light and charm, opening her arms. He near drops Niffty in surprise to hear Lillith in Hell and whirls around, attempting to stifle a wince but not quite swiftly enough to avoid her sharp eyes. "Now you can let me have a look at that the easy way, or I start singing..."
"No idea what you're talking about!" He chirps back, seemingly still deciding if she's really here or it's some sort of trick. "Tell me, your Majesty, what were we doing when Adam arrived and became so irate he allowed me entry back to Hell?"
She covered her mouth, but a rather unregal sounding snort escaped, as her eyes flickered to Lucifer's face. "Sharing a bubble bath and gossip, as you played that same blasted tune on loop until I assumed drowning you would be the best way to shut it off."
The laughter burst forth as Alastor couldn't help himself, the very same music began to play in the air about them in a stilted way. Like it was a radio with a broken speaker.
"You did WHAT with my wife?!"
"Oh relax, sire, we had our own tubs... perhaps you should try a bubble bath, it might help you ease some of the tension from today's fight."
"Yes, and speaking of..." Lillith started, and then had to grab the other before he dissolved into shadows. "No. Stay." The command evaporated his escape route.
"Now is not the time..." Alastor counters.
"Oh, it is. I worded my requests wrong, and you were injured, so I believe we are going to take care of it right now. You wouldn't want me to feel distressed, would you deer?" The queen grins, playing both the cards of friendship and his distinct inherent desire to not cause undue distress to women. She's relaively sure that was his mother's doing, based on their conversations over the years.
"I really think you are overestimating the issue, Lillith... my staff is broken, yes, but I can mend it in time. And I don't think your voice can do anything for the bruise on my ego." He deflects, playing a distorted laugh track. "Why don't you go see young Charlotte, I can see she's nearly bursting out of her skin that you are finally back."
She prods him dead in the centre of his chest, and her finger comes away wet with blood. "Of course, just the staff you say."
"...perhaps later?" he negotiates, ignoring the way Zestial casts a very knowing grin over at him. One did not simply negotiate with the Queen, not when she was worried about something. You capitulated.
"Last chance, deerling... show me the problem or I deal with it my way." Lillith smiles, putting a hand on his shoulder, it looks friendly... but that's why her threats were so lethal. She feels him try to shadow away again, and the Queen rolls her eyes. "Ah, why did you have to be so stubborn, Alastor... we just want to help."
Lucifer grumbles a soft "I don't, his fake ass father people eating bullshit can die for all I care..."
And she laughs. The sounds snaps off suddenly as she again feels the push of a desperate shadow shift hitting her command's boundaries. Her hand slips up to the nape of his neck and she leans in close to sing a soft suggestion into his ears. His eyes fall blank as his body slumps against hers in slumber, and she feels the wet slide of bloody fabric against her own attire as she rearranges him.
She places him on the ground as Charlie runs over, worried Vaggie inches behind with her spear hovering in different directions. Worried that pointing it at her future mother in law may cause tension between them.
Rosie kneels to put Al's head on her skirted knees. "I see you didn't manage to do anything about his stubborn streak when you went on your... vacation." She teases the Queen.
"You know as well as I, Rosie, that some things are beyond even my powers..." Lillith laughed, popping open the man's attire to get a look at the wound. "Hmmm, there's some Grace in there, but I think I can draw it out with song... unless my darling husband could help?"
"Fine. But only for you, not him... you sure I can't get you a new one? There's got to be a more fun Overlord for your collection..." Lucifer chatters away as he tugs at the golden threads of something ephemeral that coil out of the injury. Lillith sings softly, sealing the damaged flesh back to a semi-healed state. Sinner regeneration would take over once the angelic threat was dispersed.
"Ah, but I'm attached to this one. And, I do rather need him for one little errand he's been asking for for soem time... I had to hold off before because we weren't sure if we'd need the pair for battle."
Rosie gasped, utterly delighted. "You mean...?"
"Yes, when he's awake I give you permission to turn them into whatever dish you want." Lillith grinned as Rosie lit up with joy. "And if you save me a morsel from each, I would be grateful... even if it's only symbolic I feel it necessary to reclaim them somehow."
Once he was healed, and she was satisfied Alastor would live, Lillith rose to return to her beuatiful daughter and hovering husband.
She held them for the longest time, now the immediate danger was past them. "I missed you both so much... I never stopped thinking of you, and how to keep you safe even when I was trapped up there. If we can retire to the palace for a little while, I'd love to tell you everything... you must have so many questions."
Charlie may never let go of her mother again.
Lucifer snapped a portal open and then swopped both his girls into his arms, spinning them through the air before diving through to the palace. Lillith laughed, joy building and echoing through her chest at the heady feeling of freedom after so long.
Heaven may lodge repercussions tomorrow, that was the risk they took fighting today... but for now, she felt nothing but contentment at being home with her family.
There would be time to burn down Heaven later.
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Several hours later, an extremely confused Angel Dust let out a curse so profound that the new wallpaper just about peeled off in horror.
Husk whirled around from hammering in floorboards to find the stunned spider staring at his chain as it pulsed frenetically. The radio began to click through stations, finally settling on static before a very familiar pair of voices erupted into screams around them. All of Hell alight with their agony.
Short-lived, though it was.
In mere moments, one of the voices gurgled out into a pitiful whimper that trailed into nothingness. The links of Angel's collar shuddered and reformed in a very familiar green, with a tinge of magenta that could only belong to Overlord Rosie.
"No fuckin' way..." Angel gasped.
"Well, shit. Welcome to the team, I guess." Husk huffed, clapping the spider on the shoulder, and making a soft noise of surprise as the gruff bartender finds himself dipped and kissed by three pairs of arms. "Hey, warn a guy before you go all romantasy on him..."
"Heh, sorry, got all excited. You think Smiles'd let me see his di-..."
"No. But he'll eat you if you ask, so, maybe rethink it."
"Well, okay, but I dunno what I can bring to the table outside of hooking. Not the best match up overlord wise."
"You shoot straighter than you act, 'course he's gonna love having that sort of firepower around to run fucked up errands. Now come on, I think we've earned a drink."
"Damn right we have."
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Lillith felt the chains snap as Vox and Valentino died, an odd sensation that left her feeling elated rather than a sense of loss.
Like exhaling after a long swim. Something else done and dusted off the to-do list for making Hell a better place.
Lucifer curled tighter against her on one side, his wings stretching across the couch to cover all bodies present. Charlie tucked in tight on the other side with Vaggie pulled close against herself.
It was so very warm, so comfortable and safe.
After everything... they were together again, and the world was still here. Tomorrow could bring anything.
Lillith sighed in contentment, heart full as she surveryed her little family and strummed mental fingers over the secure bonds of her chains. Flooding them with power that bounced back, feeling that all was well with all her Sovereigns from frustrating to Favoured.
Hell was changing, and she would be there to see it happen.
But perhaps... after a quick nap, ensconced in the safety of her family's arms.
Her last thought, as she fell asleep, was wondering if she could provide the little cleaning gremlin who killed Adam a medal of honour...
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I have no idea how it works, but every musical number he does makes me rise and flex with him 💃
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wait you understand that kinks are ok because they're fantasies that make you happy right? you all get that you don't need to have trauma for your kinks to be okay? right? like none of you think i witnessed a tragic accident on the pool toy assembly line right?
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I've seen a number of people worried and concerned about this language on Ao3s current "agree to these terms of service" page. The short version is:
Don't worry. This isn't anything bad. Checking that box just means you forgive them for being US American.
Long version: This text makes perfect sense if you're familiar with the issues around GDPR and in particular the uncertainty about Privacy Shield and SCCs after Schrems II. But I suspect most people aren't, so let's get into it, with the caveat that this is a Eurocentric (and in particular EU centric) view of this.
The basic outline is that Europeans in the EU have a right to privacy under the EU's General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), an EU directive (let's simplify things and call it an EU law) that regulates how various entities, including companies and the government, may acquire, store and process data about you.
The list of what counts as data about you is enormous. It includes things like your name and birthday, but also your email address, your computers IP address, user names, whatever. If an advertiser could want it, it's on the list.
The general rule is that they can't, unless you give explicit permission, or it's for one of a number of enumerated reasons (not all of which are as clear as would be desirable, but that's another topic). You have a right to request a copy of the data, you have a right to force them to delete their data and so on. It's not quite on the level of constitutional rights, but it is a pretty big deal.
In contrast, the US, home of most of the world's internet companies, has no such right at a federal level. If someone has your data, it is fundamentally theirs. American police, FBI, CIA and so on also have far more rights to request your data than the ones in Europe.
So how can an American website provide services to persons in the EU? Well… Honestly, there's an argument to be made that they can't.
US websites can promise in their terms and conditions that they will keep your data as safe as a European site would. In fact, they have to, unless they start specifically excluding Europeans. The EU even provides Standard Contract Clauses (SCCs) that they can use for this.
However, e.g. Facebook's T&Cs can't bind the US government. Facebook can't promise that it'll keep your data as secure as it is in the EU even if they wanted to (which they absolutely don't), because the US government can get to it easily, and EU citizens can't even sue the US government over it.
Despite the importance that US companies have in Europe, this is not a theoretical concern at all. There have been two successive international agreements between the US and the EU about this, and both were struck down by the EU court as being in violation of EU law, in the Schrems I and Schrems II decisions (named after Max Schrems, an Austrian privacy activist who sued in both cases).
A third international agreement is currently being prepared, and in the meantime the previous agreement (known as "Privacy Shield") remains tentatively in place. The problem is that the US government does not want to offer EU citizens equivalent protection as they have under EU law; they don't even want to offer US citizens these protections. They just love spying on foreigners too much. The previous agreements tried to hide that under flowery language, but couldn't actually solve it. It's unclear and in my opinion unlikely that they'll manage to get a version that survives judicial review this time. Max Schrems is waiting.
So what is a site like Ao3 to do? They're arguably not part of the problem, Max Schrems keeps suing Meta, not the OTW, but they are subject to the rules because they process stuff like your email address.
Their solution is this checkbox. You agree that they can process your data even though they're in the US, and they can't guarantee you that the US government won't spy on you in ways that would be illegal for the government of e.g. Belgium. Is that legal under EU law? …probably as legal as fan fiction in general, I suppose, which is to say let's hope nobody sues to try and find out.
But what's important is that nothing changed, just the language. Ao3 has always stored your user name and email address on servers in the US, subject to whatever the FBI, CIA, NSA and FRA may want to do it. They're just making it more clear now.
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THE SHAPE MY FUCKING CAT IS MAKING RIGHT NOW?
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I remember when I first watched this show, I played this part at least 5 times
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Alastor Cutie Patootie Fanart - Colored
:3
I really enjoyed drawing my pookie! Thanks for all the support I've been getting on my art, I really appreciate it!
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I got the beautiful RadioApple print signed by Jeremy Jordan and Amir Talia as a birthday present from my husband.
I’m obsessed.
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