#grad school here i come…
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graduated college today!!!!! 😁😁😁😁
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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Finality’s Fault Chapter 6 just dropped! In which Tango makes a crucial decision against Cub and Etho’s better judgment, while Jimmy finds some pieces of the past.
This chapter went through three rewrites to get it to where it is now, but I am so very proud of it, and would love feedback (comments/rbs) if y’all like it too! :)
#Fin Fault au#team rancher#tangotek#jimmy solidarity#trafficshipping#aris paracosm art#guys I am writing this fic while applying to grad schools#so if chapters seem a bit slower that is why#I seem to like drawing ranchers gazing lovingly at each other in front of the moon#if I had a nickel- *gets yelled at by Jimmy*#FinFault au#(comes back two weeks later to put the *real* tag for the fic on here smh
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halcyon | 18+
Romano feels like he’s dancing in his sleep, that shifting, swaying motion like waves across the beach and toes dragging through sand, like water and rhythm pulling his chest high, his shoulders low, stretching out his hips, his knees, his ankles. The soft cotton of his pillowcase scratches and tickles at his cheekbone when he turns his head into it, wisping itself against his clavicle, and he sighs against it, lets it swallow his breath the same way it swallows the heat of his body, an echo of warmed contentment and easy dreaming.
The mattress beneath him dips, and he almost pushes away the palm that slides across his stomach, his sternum, but it’s warm, too, and Romano always liked being warm, and he liked being warm beneath this hand even more. He leans into it, instead, keeps his eyes closed, and he makes a small noise that’s half deliberate and half desultory—because he does mean to acknowledge Spain, but he doesn’t mean to acknowledge him like a cat waking from a nap in lazy, dozy sunbeams, purring.
But that’s fine. That’s fine. He knows Romano sometimes sounds like that when he’s waking, and even not, just sometimes when he’s beneath the pads of Spain’s fingers, and Romano feels fine when the mattress dips again and Spain hovers over him, knees sweetly nudging his apart.
Romano keeps his eyes closed when lips skim his jaw, keeps himself ensconced in the soft sunlight that shines itself across his eyelids. It’s good like this, he thinks. It’s nice. He can hear himself breathe with an awareness he never really has when he’s around Spain, always too preoccupied with other things, irrelevant things—what he’s doing, what he’s not, what he could be doing to Spain, instead. He likes being conscious of it, of his body and his reactions, and he sighs again when that palm moves to his side, his rib cage and lower, fingers skimming over his thigh as they drag heated sheets down, away.
There’s a laugh twinkling in his ear, something bright and charmed, and his skin pricks with cognizance when he feels the breath of it, lips curving into a smile against his cheek. “Awake yet?”
Spain speaks his vowels in a whisper, his consonants always catching on the tip of his tongue, and Romano’s shoulder shifts back in a shiver, presses into the bed when soft breeze meets skin, humid and carrying the smell of midmorning sunrise.
He makes a noise again, some groaned mhm that rumbles itself up his chest and out his throat, that gets lost somewhere around his lips when the heat of Spain’s laughter leaves his cheek and instead drifts across his nipple—and the gasp that leaves him is a surprised one.
He feels stupid like this, naïve, foolish, as if he isn’t war- and weather-worn, born and raised in the echoing, thundered footsteps of the Roman Empire, older than the New World and older still, as if his own sand dunes aren’t his brothers, the rolling fields his sisters. But this is his life now: homes across his country and Spain’s, furnished with soft beds and yellow kitchens and flowing curtains that always let the light in, because neither of them ever really do well when away from the sun, too used to its bite to go without for longer than a day, two. He wakes, now, to sheets that settle across the curves of his body, to someone in his bed, wiggling his legs until they settle around tanned hips, to sea-chapped lips that hum the song of his name until he is something melodious, made of more than sinew and sand, of memory.
Spain whispers his name, a question carried softly through balmy air and that sounds so fucking in love Romano almost opens his eyes, almost gives into the needling whine of it—
But Spain always did his best work when given a task, and Romano knows Spain has no qualms about being set to work on Romano, no end to the things he would let Spain do to him, and though his mouth goes dry as Spain nips at his throat and presses a finger against him, he can only find the energy to laugh, just dry air, enough to breathe Spain in, too.
When Spain dips down and kisses him, Romano kicks the sheets up and over Spain’s back. They are still warm, and so is he.
#aph romano#hws romano#aph spain#hws spain#spamano#hetalia#hetalia fanfiction#mango minifics#listen i am by no means back yet. i have been traveling for so long and i am beyond dead on my feet#BUT!!!! i do have some little snippets and minifics i do plan on posting in the coming weeks while i turn my attention to#Other Adult Responsibilities™️ (grad school. i have grad school applications to do. and i Despise personal statements. and CVs.)#think of this as along the same veins as beneath the yellow tiles and red wine and honey. similar vibes. just not as...explicit#but still. 18+ just to be safe pls. bc i worry :(#hopefully this can be a little reminder that i am alive. and still here. kinda. pls dont forget about me :(((
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quick lil post about coming back to art full-time while also being a full time MSW student….it can be possible 0.0
anyway ty to everyone who has supported me over the years i wouldnt be able to go back to art without you all
#muertodraws#also becoming a lil more comfy calling myself autistic even tho every autistic person i have ever me is like yea ur us lol#back in therapy and i finished my first sem of grad school off strong#next sem will be crazy but o well#hoping to volunteer at a cat shelter next yr too#i need a cat in my life or else i will explode#i would get one now as an esa but i just dont have the money#so heres to hoping#anyway i know my asks are off and thats cuz i just needed to focus on school#maybe theyll come back on next year but for now if u need to reach me feel free to pm or email me#dm me on instagram too if u gotta reach me#trying to balance being on here and also wanting to be invisible and blend in with the masses and work my 9-5 and act like i dont have like#intimate knowledge about online discourse lmfao#anyway#see u all soon
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GUESS WHO JUST PASSED HER TEST WITH THE HIGHEST MARKKKKKKKKKKKK.
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i wanna live on my own again …. i’m so ready to put my books on a shelf and my clothes in a closet
#absolutely adore my parents but i’m just excited to Have My Own Place again. where i can unpack all my shit & decorate & stay for a year#and be back downtown tbh. the suburbs are very quiet & it’s peaceful but i feel so lonely out here#i’m gonna have to wait til october for prices to drop a bit but i’m determined to make it work#i got a dope job as a neurofeedback technician but it’s only 9-15h/week ($22cad/h) soooo that ain’t gonna cut it#little nervous cuz frankly i dunno if i can handle working more than ~30h/week rn & also. holy fuck it’s hard finding decent part-time jobs#although! last night my old manager asked if i’d consider coming back to the restaurant to host/do cash on a casual basis/for the holidays#which means i’m probably going to end up balancing 3 jobs again. which is kinda fucked up lol but it’s good money so i can’t turn it down#anyways i’m getting ahead of myself#i do feel like i’m genuinely looking forward to things for the first time in a while though#like grad school next year & tattoos this fall & hopefully making friends w new coworkers n shit. even if it’s unbelievably stressful 👍#pegasus speaks#hi btw i am alive. i just haven’t really been very interested in tumblr at all lately. which is kinda weird but probably for the best
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I’m alive …. Fics and drawings might take a pause for a bit though :-( but it is for good reason I am becoming a learned man
#pronounced learn-ed#anyways hi#I moved to London for grad school#insane right#anyways yeah I’ve been adjusting and now I’m sick LOL#but focusing on my studies I guess#though. I do hope to write in between once I get my feet nice and wet in my workload#because after all#writing is what got me here in the first place#and by here I mean drawing and animating lol#anyways….. imposter syndrome is coming and going#it’s weird but a good weird#anyways uhm yeah hey guys#i…. I really want to finish ghostbusters before this upcoming Halloween#[ face palm]#we will see#peace and love#love and light#ramble#good lord take a shot every time I say anyways#for fucks sake
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Sorry, we provincialized your blorbo. Yeah, we put him in a postcolonial framework and it turned out that he wasn't actually the result of a uniquely rationalistic tradition but actually of a deeply historically-situated framework whose prioritization of the narrative silences other possible epistomologies and ways of knowing. Yeah, it turns out that he can't emerge as a perfectly realized liberal individual without the creation of a reciprocal Other who is excluded from liberal personhood. Yeah, it's going to be like that no matter what, sorry. Do you want some theory or something?
#^ this is what it sounds like in my head when i think about hornblower and stephen maturin and then i come on here and am insane#sorry to all of the postcolonial scholars in the room who will immediately find 10000 holes in all of what i'm saying#for legal purposes this is a meme#to everyone else this is why boat book and anthropology do not mix well#perce rambles#they're going to throw me out of grad school for this but it's worth it
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If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?
Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.
As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.
As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.
I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.
#it's hitting me now too how badly my undergrad school prepared me for this process#besides a couple of conversations with professors about grad school and jokes about selling your soul to unethical corporations-#- we didn't get told SHIT#i've said it before and i'll say it again but do not go to a rich kid school if you are not a rich kid (this is coming from a non-rich kid)#or at the very least be prepared for people to assume you know the ins and outs of networking and stuff you've never been taught about#i'm not joking when i say the school i went to brags about how many students get job placements soon after graduation#but has next to no actual resources to help students continue their education (esp for minority students) (like myself)#it's so frustrating seeing peers of mine get cushy jobs based on who they know when i'm out here busting my ass bc idk the right people#and god forbid you want to learn more but don't have similar connections in academia! it sucks!#i know my applications' success heavily relies upon letters i'm not allowed to read written for me by professors who can vouch for me#because their names might mean something to someone who might otherwise disregard me despite how ridiculously experienced i am#knowing you're good enough but might get rejected for something that goes beyond you has to be one of the worst feelings#i already have the sneaking suspicion that i won't get accepted to one of my top three schools based on that#and i haven't even submitted my app for them yet#there's so much i hate about higher ed but dammit i still want to learn. that might be the worst part of it all.#i want to keep learning but at the end of the day it's not about what i want. it's what an institution wants FOR me.#but that will not stop me from trying or from fighting for what i want. at least i have that.#anyway sorry for the long-ass ramble and for the delay but hopefully that answers your question sufficiently enough#and hopefully what i've said is useful to someone somewhere who might be in a weird spot like this#ask#answered#anon
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Now that I’m no longer panicking about finals the immense sadness at leaving university behind has set in 😭 I’m going to miss my friends and this city and the beautiful state of North Dakota so much
#like obviously I knew this was coming#and I have known for years that I would have to leave the state at least for grad school#but goddamn#today in my soils class all of the final presentations were about soil genesis across different parts of the state#and I want to go to all of them#and the profound sadness that settled in with the realization that i might never get to is so strong#I’ll make it through this goodbye and it will be fine#but I’ve really built myself a community here and I’m going to miss it a lot#and I know I could learn to love another state just as much#but goddamn. the more time I spend in the Dakota the more I want to live here forever.
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Okay, for real, real question.
How the fuck are you actually supposed to write a dissertation? Like... there is no guidance? Is that my advisor or is that me?
I feel like someone said "Hey, write me a 150 page document about something you did over the course of the last 5 years."
And I said, "Okay, but like, how do you want that to look?" and no one answered.
And so I said, "but like, you think x y z should go in it, right?" and no one answered.
and so I said, "but like... how should I go about that?" and no one fucking answered.
So now, like as of a day ago, I was asked to have a completed dissertation to turn into my advisor NEXT WEEK.
So I've been doing the spongebob, right? Like staring down at paper, writing furiously, reading furiously, I have had a headache every day for at least 2 straight weeks; I have bags under the bags on my eyes - my fiancé literally told me I have 3 consecutive bags under each eye where they just keep getting worse; I am not sleeping well unless I take my large dose medicine; I am not tired, I am only tired, I am not hungry, my body does not feel normal, I am not bathing regularly, I am behind on chores and
I
STILL
DON'T
KNOW
WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO TO WRITE THIS.
What the fuck am I supposed to be doing? Like I'm going to give this a try but I cannot express how much I DO NOT KNOW what I'm doing.
And you say, but surely, Abby, in the last 5 years at this institution you've published right? Surely your advisor has kept up and made sure you're making good progress, right? Obviously, they have prepared you in some capacity, right?
I would say to you, unfortunately, no. No, I have not published a single first author pub in the last 5 years. My advisor has not kept up to the point over the summer we had not a single meeting -I need weekly meetings otherwise I fall into the void and am taken by the aether- and after waiting 3 months for him to give me feedback on my first paper - the first one I've written in any professional capacity - I am told to deliver a full thesis.
Somebody just fucking take me out brother. I am beyond lost at this point and feel like a failure.
Thanks for listening.
If you do have advice, it would be greatly appreciated because I'm losing my fucking mind.
#me#mental illness#what's wrong with me#phd candidate#phdjourney#phd life#phd student#phd i fucking hate it here#i hate grad school#i hate dissertation writing#i hate my existence#why did i do this#why did i choose this#its just like a fucking smidge of guidance#that's all I'm asking for#and I can't even make anyone kiss in it#its not creative at all#fucking chemistry technical writing#i love science but holy fuckballs boys#technical writing is the bane of my existance#how the fucking hell am i supposed to write something that's ALL MATH based and it not be plagiarism#where is that line#at this point do i care?#I do#but come on#jesus fucking christ#holy hell#i just want to write about the blorbos#chemistry does not equal blorbos#i'm a dumbass
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#i have…some of the hardest sql work i’ve ever seen…my finals…holidays coming up (aforementioned seasonal depression)…#grad school apps…sending out my resume in desperation to get a job in my field…gotta download my fics because im genuinely—#worried about the future of the internet for both here & ao3…i am suppressed by finances…suppressed by politics…time is finite &#i can never get everything done. like i want more than anything to be able to get CE & IR done but i worry it won’t ever happen#i am suffocating#it’s 4:15 AM. and i have to go to work…#tw vent#rose.txt
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mystery I’ve just heard about news of your career! And it is definitely a big deal cuz it’s hardworking to go all the way towards where you are now! Definitely a big leap for ya!!!! I wish you the best for it!!! 🎉🎁🫂
Y’All are so damn sweet! Thank you❤️✨
I’m very excited! My mentor and chair liked my thesis idea, as well as the headmaster for the school. I’m in a very good spot at the moment! Now I’m counting down the days until August for classes to begin!
#LOOK OUT GRAD SCHOOL HERE COMES MYSTERY! SHE GOIN’ BE BADASS AND DO COOL SHIT#mystery anon#off topic#I am an anthropologist#I am an archaeologist
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#i am just so scared that we are going to be stuck in a cycle of relative poverty now due to scribe being sick#like we were doing okay but realizing i'm not going to have enough money from financial aid this year has messed me up#the only reason we were doing okay was because the state was willing to give me money for school. and now they're not#basically entirely because i'm a non-traditional student too#and like what comes next#i want to go to grad school so badly. will it just be more of this?#will i be saddled with so many loans we can never afford to have our own place or feel secure and not guilty for having nice things?#i can't support us both on a student's not-salary#and i'm scared that me going back to school is just permanently screwing us both over now#or alternatively. will i have to give up on my dream so we can live#it was different when she had an income#now i just feel bad and selfish for pursuing something i care about#and like i'm morally in the wrong for not just dropping out and finding work somewhere even if it sucks#i'm so tired. i don't want to be crying about money right now#but here we are i guess
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I did it, guys. I finished grad school this morning. Thank you sweet little 9lb 5 oz baby Jesus 😂
#grad school#masters of science in nursing#nontraditional student#800 practicum hours#psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner#ANCC boards here I come#so many letters after my name now
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