#and the profound sadness that settled in with the realization that i might never get to is so strong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dabilove27 · 4 years ago

Text

Bright

Pairing: Kirishima x Fem!Reader

Rating: T

Warnings: Idiots who don’t realize they are in love, some language, a tiny bit of angst but it has a happy ending! I think that’s all

Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: So this is the first thing I've ever written and posted on here. It might be 5.2 words of crap but I put a lot of work into it. I just want to thank my amazing friends for hyping me up to finally post this and the never ending support. I love y’all so much! Y’all’s encouragement has meant so much to me!

At the start of this journey, you never would have guessed this is where the two of you would end up. Swaying slowly, in a large ballroom with the lights turned low, in the most expensive white dress you would ever own. Your arms wrap around the muscular neck of the love of your life, and everything feels complete. Marrying Eijirou Kirishima was a dream. Grinning, you look up at his glowing face as you finish your first dance as husband and wife. Being in his arms, you felt safe and secure as he wrapped them around your waist. In moments like this, it was hard to think of a time when you weren't the center of each other's lives.

You met Kirishima the same day you began your hero journey at UA.

Scurrying down the massive hallways, you make it to your homeroom of 1-A. Many students already occupy the classroom and are engaged in conversations. Maneuvering around the groups of students, you find your assigned seat and begin to settle in. As you scan the room, your eyes land on a boy with spiky hair and vivid red eyes. His smile beams, and as you continue to glance at him, a small grin grows on your face. As if feeling the weight of your gaze on him, he turns towards you, and his eyes meet yours. Oh crap, he noticed me staring, you hastily turn your face down to your desk as you feel the warmth of embarrassment in your face.

You hear shuffling from a chair scraping across the floor, and then a cheerful voice exclaims, "Hi, I'm Eijirou Kirishima! Nice to meet you..." he pauses, waiting for you to introduce yourself. You move your gaze from your desk to his face, and that's when you see his smile. From far away, his smile was bright, but up close, it appeared to be blinding. Positivity radiates from him.

Swallowing down your previous embarrassment, you introduce yourself and tell him it's nice to meet him too. Without you realizing a small grin comes to your face.

Kirishima stands there, grinning at you as he dives into a conversation with you as if the two of you had known each other for years. Kirishima's heart seems to stop dead in its tracks as he watches the small grin you have blossom into a full smile. He wasn't sure if he believed in love at first sight, but something was happening as he continues to stare into your eyes. Fumbling, he continues to try and carry on a conversation, and he swears he feels his heart stop again when you laugh.

You and Kirishima become fast friends after that initial meeting. His passion and upbeat personality are hard to overlook. He becomes a bright part of your daily life. You spend your day's training, studying, and eating lunch with him frequently. Something you didn't notice was Kirishima's lingering glances or how his smile would beam when he would make you laugh. Eventually, both of you became part of the Bakusquad, and even with a new friend group, you always seem to gravitate to each other.

Your first year at UA could be summed up like a whirlwind. From the USJ incident, the sports festival, and later the training camp. It was no surprise that tensions were high when you and your classmates moved into the dorms. Through all the ups and downs, you and Kirishima would find each other for support.

Sometime later, a few of your classmates were given the task of infiltrating a Yakuza hideout with the Pro Heros. Heart pounding, you wished Kirishima good luck on his mission without realizing how dangerous it would be. He cherished the tight hug you gave him before he had to leave. He pulled that memory to cope with the physical pain while being taken to the hospital. With that in his mind, he felt more at ease, knowing he would see you soon.

News had spread that the fight with the Yakuza group wasn't a pretty one, but you had no idea how Kirishima had faired. Anxiety pulsed through your body as you walked to the hospital where Kirishima was.

Making your way through the sterile hospital hallways, your heartbeat was racing as you approach his door. Knocking gently, a muffled "come in" came through the other side. Slowly, you open the door, and your eyes find Kirishima's red ones. Kirishima was sitting up in his hospital bed, with white bandages almost wholly covering him. The only things you could see were his eyes with dark bags below them, a few tufts of hair, and his mouth that was curving into a small grin when your eyes met.

Kirishima's heart begins to beat a little bit faster the moment his eyes meet yours. It felt like a lifetime since that hug before the mission. There was a moment during his fight with Rappa he wasn't sure if he ever would see you again. The feeling of joy at seeing your face overcame him. At that moment, the only thing that mattered to him was you and seeing your precious face light up. It was like he couldn't feel the physical pain from the fight anymore.

Your giggle brought him back to the moment. A longing goes through his chest as he watches you cover your mouth with your hand. You are trying to smother your giggles at his mummy-like state. "Hey! Come on, don't laugh!" Kirishima exclaims, his smirk spreads wider as more giggles continued to leak out of you.

"Sorry, you're right; it's not funny that you got hurt, but at least you have a Halloween costume idea," you respond playfully and send him a quick wink as your giggles finally died down. Moving towards the chair near his hospital bed, you pull out the small lunch you packed for him. "I'm glad you're okay, Eijirou," you mutter in a more somber voice, thinking about the horrible what-if scenarios that could have happened. You lift your hand to your eyes to rub any away any tears that threaten to fall. The last thing you want is to make this about you after what Kirishima had to experience.

Kirishima swallows, his eyes focusing on your face as you sink into the chair with a sad smile. His chest clenches as the smile continues to shrink. He clears his throat and tries to pick up the mood; it kills him to see you sad. "Yeah! I'm just fine! Now let me eat whatever smells so delicious in there," he declares in an upbeat tone as he maneuvers in his bed to scootch closer to you.

Your sad smile morphs into a happier one after hearing his encouragement, and you move your eyes to meet his. Kirishima never ceases to amaze you with his positive outlook. He's sitting there beaming and lively as ever, not letting his injuries get him down. Little did you know, despite the physical pain Kirishima felt, he was putting on a happy face for you. He would do anything to keep a smile on your face.

It dawns on you that both of his arms are in slings, and there is no way he can feed himself. Letting out a soft sigh and shaking your head, you pull out the chopsticks you brought. "Well, it looks like you can't move your arms like that," you gesture with your hands, "so I guess I will have to feed you” you say with a wink. You move to pick up a piece of chicken and begin to bring it towards his mouth.

Kirishima was thankful you couldn't see his entire face right then. He didn't want you to see the blush growing across his cheeks. "No, I-um. It's okay, I've-" he stammers to find something to say as thoughts fly through his mind. Should I stop her? I can feed myself, right? Fuck, she's so cute.

Kirishima's heart is pounding as his eyes dart between your face and the hand that continues to move to his mouth. This moment allows you to pop the chicken piece in his slightly gaping mouth. Kirishima sits there in bewilderment, still with his mouth agape. Gently placing your hand below his bandaged chin, you push upward to close it. "Now chew, Eijirou," you say with a soft grin as you pull your hand away. It takes him a moment before his brain begins to work again, and he chews and swallows the piece of food.

After that, Kirishima lets you serve him the rest of the meal. He wasn't sure if the blush left his face or his heart ever stopped racing. One thing he was sure of is that he wants this moment to never end. With the warmth of having you so close and smelling your familiar smell, he could swear this was paradise. That was the moment Kirishima knew he wanted something more profound than friendship with you. He knew he wanted to live a life where being this close to each other was normal and not just because he went on a terrible mission.

Years go by, and your friendship with Kirishima is steady as you enter your third year at UA. Almost all your classmates watch as his feelings grow into something more profound while you remain oblivious. Almost everyone could see that Kirishima would take any chance to be closer to you.

They could see it in the way he would try to switch partners during training exercises. "Hey, Oijiro! Did you get paired with Y/N for training? My quirk would work better with hers for this exercise. Let's go ahead and switch."

In the way he would pull Bakugou over to the side and talk with him when Bakugou yells at you. "Bakubro, hey man, can you tone it down a bit? She didn't mean to insult your cooking."

On movie nights with the class, he would try to save the love seat that perfectly fit the two of you. "Denki! I know you and Y/N both hate horror movies, but she'll end up digging her nails into your skin during the worst parts. Let me save your arm, and I'll sit with her."

You didn't notice all the little things like your classmates did. Kirishima was your best friend. It didn't matter that he would want to train with you; he knew your quirk the best and vice versa. It wasn't a big deal when he would get on Bakugou for yelling at you; friends stick up for each other. You thought he was sweet when he would want to sit next to you during movie night.

The only thing Kirishima hadn't done yet was confess his feelings to you. The fear of destroying your friendship kept him from putting his feelings into words. So he would sit by and enjoy the feeling of you being close to him during training. Or bury his face into your hair whenever the two of you cuddle up together on the movie nights. He would put his feelings aside to relish in the smiles you would send his way when he would crack jokes. Because he would never want to lose these things if you didn't like him back.

And deep down, there was something there for you too. But you wouldn't say anything either. Because both of you would rather keep it safe than risk rejection from your best friend. It was easier this way.

"You're an idiot, Shittyhair. Fucking say something already," Bakugou complains to the red-haired male as they walk to class one cold morning.

"Hush, man, someone could hear!" Kirishima glances around to make sure none of your classmates are close enough to overhear the conversation. The last thing he needs is someone like Denki or Sero finding out and spilling it to you. "Besides, your talking nonsense. We are just friends." Kirishima laughs nervously and moves his hand to rub the back of his neck under his scarf. A small pang of sadness goes through his heart at saying it out loud.

"Yeah, whatever idiot," Bakugou responds with a shake of his head and chooses not to push it. While you and Kirishima are idiots ignoring mutual feelings, Bakugou is much more observant. He hopes Kirishima makes his move soon because he can see someone else trying to come into the picture.

Your final few months of high school is when things change for the two of you.

"I like you. Would you please go on a date with me?" Words flow smoothly from the man in front of you.

Sure, you had gotten closer to Todoroki after being in the same class with him for over three years. You worked with him on a couple of projects, trained together, and even studied together sometimes. But having him confess feelings was not something you were expecting.

Standing there, feelings of excitement and confusion radiate through you and leave you speechless. You want this moment, but with someone else. Kirishima's soft crimson eyes and spiky hair come to your mind, and a familiar ache begins in your heart. An ache that you have tried to battle away these last few years. But we're only friends. If he had wanted more, he would have said something by now. You are so caught up in your thoughts you almost forget that Todoroki is still waiting for your answer.

Letting out a breath you didn't realize you were holding, you push down those feelings. Lifting your eyes, you meet the blue and grey ones staring back at you, awaiting your answer. Even if you hold feelings for Kirishima, there was a possibility he didn't feel the same, and so you chose to give this a chance.

A small smile comes to your face as you respond. "Sure, Todoroki, I would love to go on a date with you."

Gossip spreads like wildfire among your class. It's not really a surprise considering some of the classmates you have. As the day progresses, almost everyone is aware that Shouto Todoroki asked you on a date. And eventually, Kirishima would find out too.

Walking through the kitchen in your dorms, he happens to overhear the end of a conversation between Mina and Ochacho. Mina was musing aloud about your upcoming date with Shouto without realizing he had walked in. "Oh, I wonder where Todoroki is going to take her! I bet it will be fancy, and the food will be amazing!" Mina gushes.

"Whoa! Todoroki confessed to someone? Who's the lucky person? I bet it's Yaoyorozu. They'd be pe- why are you looking at me like that?" Kirishima stops his animated monologue and gives Mina a confused expression. Mina's animated face falls to a more melancholy expression as she turns towards him.

"Oh Eijirou, um well, you see, Todoroki asked Y/N on a date." Mina's words stumble out carefully, knowing this news would hurt him. "She said yes." Mina finishes as she breaks eye contact with Kirishima. Kirishima's face falls as he continues to stare at Mina as his world crumbles around him. His chest was aching at the surreal probability that he had lost his chance with you.

How could he ever compete with Todoroki? He was one of the strongest in the class and could own up to his feelings. He feels tears begin to sting behind his eyes as his thoughts weigh heavily on him. Kirishima has never had to deal with this before. No one else had ever approached you with confessions. They all saw you with Kirishima and knew how he felt. But what could he do now? He couldn't confess now. That could ruin any happiness you might have with Todoroki, as well as your friendship with him. It would be selfish of him to try and ruin that for you, no matter how bad it hurt him. Turning away from Mina and Ochako, Kirishima swallows his feelings. He treks toward his room, ignoring Mina's desperate calling to him. Closing his door, he sinks down immediately and covers his face with his hands. The tears he held back in the hallway begin streaming down his face as he thinks about the woman he loved being with someone else.

Like most new relationships, things were awkward with Todoroki at first. His stoic personality is a stark contrast to Kirishima's bright and upbeat one. It's not like you were trying to compare the two, but Kirishima had been your focus for three years now. Accepting the date with Todoroki was something you did to try and have your own happiness. Expecting him to share your feeling was unrealistic. You had to move on from him.

Months pass, and your relationship with Todoroki grows. At the same time, your friendship with Kirishima seems to stretch further apart. The time you spend with Kirishima is replaced by the time you spend with Todoroki. He no longer always tried to be the one with you in training. He stopped making excuses to sit next to you on movie nights. It was Todoroki's job to take care of you now. While Kirishima's heart ached, he wanted you to be happy. It hurt to see you intertwine your fingers with Todoroki. His heart felt like it was shattering him to see you lean into Todoroki on hard days instead of him. It killed him when your beautiful laughter filled the halls at something Shouto had said and not him. Despite all this pain, Kirishima did not want to ruin your happiness, so he stays quiet.

Your final year at UA is coming to an end, and graduation is right around the corner. The absence of Kirishima leaves a hole in your heart. Things don't feel as bright as they once had. You miss spending time with him and being close. He was, or had been, your best friend before all of this.

Todoroki is a wonderful boyfriend. He's kind and goes out of his way to make sure you are happy, but he's also able to see that you aren't as comfortable as you had been. Trying hard, you still spend time investing in your relationship with Shouto. But deep down, your heart is longing for someone else.

"We should talk," Todoroki murmurs, sitting down with you on the floor against your bed in your dorm room. You know what that phrase means. "I know I'm not always the best with picking up certain things, but I can tell when something isn't right with you," he says as he turns towards you and slides his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. The warmth that radiates from his left side seeps into your palm gently.

You try to blink back some tears threatening to fall as you rub your thumb gently back and forth over Todoroki's knuckles. The thought of making eye contact with him feels overwhelming. Facing the pain of a possible breakup and the pain of the person you really love not being in your life was too much to handle. "I'm sorry, Shouto, I want this to work, but…" your voice trails off as more tears begin to slide down your face.

"But I'm not him." Todoroki lifts his free hand to wipe away a few of the tears with his thumb. You relish a little in the cool sensation against your warm cheeks. "I didn't realize until after I confessed how much he cared for you. I finally noticed how he looks at you after we started dating." He pauses for a moment and looks down at your linked hands. "And how you look at him." He squeezes your hand softly a moment before silence overtakes the room.

"I'm sorry, Shouto." You let out a whisper and give his hand a gentle squeeze back

Todoroki lifts your chin gently with the hand that isn't holding yours and moves your gaze to his. Smiling, he says, "I think you should tell him. I like you a lot, but Kirishima has your heart. I think we both want you to be happy, and I know he will make you happier than I can." With that, he pulls you into an embrace and places a small kiss on the top of your head.

You feel your chest tighten as his lops gently leave your head, and he begins to pull away. You aren't sure if you should reach out to him or try to save this. Even though you know he's right, your heart still aches. No one said breakups were comfortable, even if it was best for both of you. Tears continue to drip down your cheeks as Todoroki quietly makes his way out your door and closes it with a little click. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you bury your face into your arms and let the silent tears fall.

As fate would have it, Kirishima is making his way down the hallway as Todoroki is leaving. "She needs you right now," Todoroki says as he continues to walk by Kirishima. Without any explanation, Kirishima knew it was you. He felt his palms begin to become clammy with sweat as a thousand scenarios flashed through his mind.

Kirishima stops walking and gives Todoroki's retreating figure a skeptical look. "What do you mean?" The words rushed out of his mouth as his pulse begins to pick up. You had Todoroki now; why would you need him? The thought flashes through his mind. Todoroki doesn't respond, just continuing to walk towards the elevators to go to his own floor. Kirishima begins to move again faster than he was before to your room. Standing outside the door, he doesn't bother knocking and barges into your room.

Seeing you curled up on the ground and the shine of shed tears on your cheeks causes Kirsihima's heart to lurch. Time feels like it is moving slowly as he stumbles over to you. He needs to hold you, had to let you know that everything would be okay.

As he sinks down to sit next to you, Kirishima envelops your shoulders in his muscular arms. Instantly, you lean into him like nothing had ever changed. Taking in a breath with a little shudder, you inhale his familiar cologne. It's a smell you never realized how much you'd miss. And his embrace is precisely what you needed right now. Kirishima buries his face to the top of your head and intensifies his hold on you. He gently rubs his fingertips up and down your arm in a way that he knows brings you comfort.

Hey, what happened?" Kirishima softly whispers into your hair. He isn't a confrontational man, but it took every bit of restraint in him not to go confront Todoroki and demand why he left you here in this state.

A little sniffle from you as you wipe away more tears brings him back to this moment. Todoroki didn't matter anymore, only you, only making sure that you were okay. "We broke up, Eijirou," you softly say with a little tremble of your bottom lip as more tears threaten to fall.

At those words, it was like he had been dunked in cold water. How could Todoroki be so stupid to let you go? And before he can even stop himself, he is saying things that he has held on to for so long, "He's an idiot. If I had you, I would never let you go." Panic courses through his veins as his thoughts begin to race. Crap! That's not what she needed to hear, and she doesn't like you like that idiot! Kirishima stiffens as he feels you reposition yourself so that you are looking at him directly. "Ah, sorry, that was uncalled for," Kirishima laughs nervously while redirecting his gaze to the ceiling, hoping that you don't catch the blush rising on his face.

"Eijirou, I actually want to talk to you about that," you sniffle again and take one of his large hands in your own. "Please look at me," you plead softly as Kirishima returns his gaze to meet yours. "I like you a lot Eijirou, and that's why Shouto and I didn't work out. You don't have to return my feelings, but-" you try to finish, but Kirishima cuts you off.

"I like you too! I've liked you for a long time!" The words rush from Kirishima's mouth; he moves quickly and clasps your smaller hands in his grip. This feels right. He feels right. "I know this might not be the best time, but I'm not letting my chance escape again. When you are ready, please go out with me."

Looking at Kirishima with his bright crimson eyes and a smile that shines like the sun, you can't stop the grin forming on your face. He's still able to bring a smile to your face even when feeling so down. This is everything you've ever wanted. "Yes, I'll go out with you, Eijirou," letting out a little giggle as his smile grows to the largest you think you've ever seen. The joy is beaming from his smile.

Graduation passes, and your relationship with Kirishima seems to integrate seamlessly into both of your lives. Your friendship morphs into becoming partners. There was a neverending slew of dates with Kirishima wanting to try everything with you. From dinner dates to going to the beach, each new adventure added another incredible memory of your relationship together. It was like the two of you were meant to be, and every memory solidified that.

A few years later, on a day in early December, Kirishima tells you he is taking you on a surprise date. He refuses to let you know where you are going or what the date would involve. The only thing he will tell you is to dress warm because the date involved you going outside.

As the two of you drive out of the city to a rural area, you can see Kisishima practically bursting at the seams. There are small signs you have picked up all these years together that you know means he's nervous. The leg he isn't using to drive is bouncing up and down, and he reaches out to grasp your hand and squeezes gently from time to time. You make a choice not to question him because you can see how hard he is trying to keep this a surprise, and it's cute; you don't want to ruin that for him.

He pulls the car up to a gated expanse of land and quickly inputs a code into a keypad. The gate slowly creaks open, and Kirishima continues to drive onto the property. Excitement and questions bubble up inside of you as you gaze out the window. You can't see much, though, because everything is pitch black, except for the vast amount of starts that are typically dulled by the city lights. He drives the car a little bit more down the path before he stops and puts it into park.

"Okay, we're here!" He exclaims while clamoring out of the vehicle to come to open your door for you.

Stepping out of the car, you grasp for Kirishima's forearm. Your hand meets his toned bicep, and you cuddle into his warm side. Both for the heat and balance because you can hardly see in the dark.

Fuck, she's so cute. Kirishima gets lost in his thoughts as he feels your body cuddle into his. Sometimes it feels surreal to him that he's able to call you his, that you are here with him, that you picked him. He watches you as you tilt your head up to look at all the stars. At that moment, it was like all his nervousness melted away; seeing your beautiful face gazing up at the sky made his heart stop.

"Babe, it's so gorgeous," you say in awe. Moving your gaze from the sky, you look over to Kirishima's face. The only thing you can make out in the dark is the small smile on his face.

"Come on sweet girl, walk with me." Kirishima extends his hand, and you reach out to place your hand in his. Both of you stumble along through darkness together for a few steps in silence. He gradually comes to a stop between two trees that are intertwined above you. "Stand right here," he speaks quietly while letting go of your hand as you quirk a confused brow at him. You couldn't see what he was doing, but you were able to hear him exhale a big breath and shuffle around.

As you wait for Kirishima to finish whatever he is doing, you glance to the sky again to see the stars scattered across the night sky. All of a sudden, the trees explode with tiny twinkle lights of various vibrant colors. Strands of lights wrap through the branches and down the tree's base. Your breath hitches as you stand in awe for the second time that evening.

Your mind drifts back to Kirishima as your heart fills with warmth. This is one of the reasons you love him so much. He knows how much you love the holiday lights this time of year, always dragging him through the city to see them all. Little gestures like this were what made him perfect.

Adjusting your gaze to the spot where Kirishima was, you see him down on one knee. It's a scene that's played over in your mind many times. But that doesn't stop the immediate shock that goes through you as tears begin to form.

Moving your gaze, you see him holding a small black bock that he begins to open. Your name escapes his lips before he begins, "I love you so much. You are my best friend and my everything. I've loved you since our first year at UA. From that moment you came to see me at the hospital. I want us to be together forever. I want to be able to call you my wife. Will you marry me?" Kirishima finishes with a shaky breath and smiles up at you. He hopes you can't hear the pounding of his heart as he waits for your answer.

Your heart flutters as you look at his smiling face. That smile is more brilliant than the stars and lights together, and just like the first time you met, you can't help but smile back. "Yes, Eijirou, yes, I will marry you!" A few tears escape from your eyes as he slips the engagement ring on your finger.

Kirishima stands and pulls you into a crushing embrace that lifts you off the ground. You could stay in his gentle but firm hold forever. As he sets you down, he brings his lips to yours. The familiarity of his slightly chapped lips lets you get lost in him. He's your everything, and this is all you could have ever asked for. You couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, the love of your life, Eijirou Kirishima.

And all those moments bring you to the best night of your life so far—the day where you marry your best friend. Held safely in his strong arms, you wouldn't trade this for anything—your bright and shining Eijirou Kirishima.

Alright! If you have taken the time to read this, thank you!! This will probably be one of the softer things on my blog. So I'm not sure if I'll write something like this again. But again, thank you for taking the time to read!

Taglist: @haikyuuwaifu @isseisbbg

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima fluff #kirishima x you #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #bright #my fic

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now-im-a-belieber · 4 years ago

Note

Hii❤️ can j please request "i love you so much that it terrifies me" with Bill? Thank you❤️

prompt: "i love you so much that it terrifies me"

bill guarnere x female!reader

a/n: annnnd im back to writing angst! don't worry the ending is mostly happy and i kind of have an idea for a part 2?! but here's this for now, i'm kinda proud o' this one!

taglist: @capsparkyspeirs @wecomrades @tvserie-s-world @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant

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Your enlistment was nothing short of a miracle.

It happened during the last attempt you'd given yourself out of about a dozen other times. The officer, who'd become used to you storming up to his desk every other day, sighed upon noticing your return this time. Until then, he'd only ever glance your way and then back down at whatever work lay upon his desk. But this time, he sighed.

Hell, so what if you'd worn him down more so than convinced him you were fit to fight? He'd finally agreed to let you sign your name on the dotted line.

"Fine." The officer said. "You wanna prove something so badly, go on, prove it." And he went on to ramble about how he wouldn't be surprised to find you back home in a week's time after failing to meet any requirements at Toccoa.

"War is no place for women." He huffed, finally.

"Then I'd better hurry and get out there. Since anyone who shares your ideals clearly has no fight left in them on the behalf of people like me."

You brushed off his discouragement and marched home to the beat of your ever quickening heart. Bill was certainly going to have a lot to say about this. But so were you...

He was packing when you arrived. There were no more days left until Bill was due at the training camp. Just one night's rest. The last night you'd planned to spend together for only God knew how long.

But before any goodbyes could begin, you hovered in the bedroom doorway with news to share. Better to get this out in the open and out of the way...

"I got in." You breathed, stood with the confirmation papers in your vice grip, like if you let go of them they'd cease being tangible.

"You got in?" Bill repeated in monotone. You weren't expecting a fight. You'd actually thought Bill would burst at the seams with pride and joy, like he said he would when you first wondered aloud, if your joining up was wise.

But then he repeated the same sentence in some kind of realization. And there was a smile affecting his tone as he spoke in the charming draw you'd always adored. He abandoned his poorly packed bags and swept across the room to stand before you, with a gleam in his eye. And then came his rambles of praise and excitement. Telling you he knew you'd make it. Telling you he'd be right behind you every step, ready to give hell to anyone who might try and break you down along the way.

You let your man fawn and flatter you, but knew this night couldn't end without making yourself perfectly clear.

"That's the thing though." You revealed with a shaky breath. You hadn't thought much about how to say this. But you knew you had too.

"Your help.... I don't think it would help. Bill, I have to do this on my own. The officer's right. I *do* have something to prove. And I don't want anyone thinking I made it to where I'm headed because my boyfriend knocked enough barriers out of my way."

You didn't wanna fight. You desperately didn't want this to be a fight. But this was something you were sure of. So you braced yourself at the sight of your man's jaw clenching.

And there was no hiding the flash of sadness in Bill's eye's, though sadness for what, you couldn't be exactly sure. As you held your breath, you watched as Bill slowly relaxed his shoulders. And through the pregnant silence that had settled, he reached out to you and said, "Alright, doll."

"Alright?" You wondered in suspicion. That was almost too easy.

"I know you ain't gonna change your mind about somethin' this important to ya." Bill pointed.

So then it was decided. You'd be headed to the same place with the same goal with the person you'd loved longer than you had fingers to count on. But you wouldn't let on that you'd known Bill long before stepping foot onto the camp grounds. After a while longer of your making your aspirations clear, Bill promised he understood. And you hoped your selfish determination wouldn't be misconstrued.

And still, your man went on another monolog about how proud of you he was.

"But if ya think I won't be around every corner waitin' up to steal you away, you'd better think again." Bill kissed your head and coaxed you to bed, reminding you this was the last of night's like these.

So you stayed entirely swept up in Bill's orbit. Talk of what things would be like quickly washed away by your appreciation for the moment Bill implored you to stay focused on. This was the last of night's like these indeed...

///

He'd been at Toccoa for a week already. You realized entirely, that your late joining would affect you just as negatively as every other aspect of your joining at all.

But this only made you want it worse than ever. Not just to prove yourself. Not just to prove others wrong. But you felt the desire to be a part of this for reasons much more profound than you'd ever had the means to understand for yourself, let alone explain to anyone.

So you followed every rule like it was do or die. From which path to walk to find your barracks- to the drills you were sent to practice before you'd so much as stepped out of the cab ride here.

And to your surprise, you seemed to blend into the background of things. There were no gasps or whispers traded as you found your place among the men.

It was hard to tell if they could care less about your presence, or if they collectively, subconsciously, decided to freeze you out; finding it the easiest way to focus on reigning supreme themselves.

And it was just as you'd gotten used to the silence you'd been receiving, when you saw him. Your man. Your Bill, yakin' with some fellas who reminded you of the kids you'd hung around the school yard with, back home.

And at the sight of the man you'd loved for so long, after a fortnight gone from his side, you were inclined to run into his loving arms- despite your fuss made about keeping a distance.

And then he saw you, too. And the bunch he was with had begun walking off. Bill seemed to turn, to follow along, in a moment that sent your heart to plummet. But over his shoulder Bill shot you a wink and a sly smile.

And something about the smile he gave you beyond the space he respected made your heart rise back up and melt all the while. And you realized he was completely on your side. How did you get so lucky?

Things went on like that for a couple weeks. Most of the company would pay you no mind. This meant your accomplishments seemed invisible and the times you might've been bold enough to ask for a helping hand fell on deaf ears.

But some started to pester you, unable to hold back their snide remarks any longer. An odd pride swelled within you, when your existence started becoming meaningful enough to irk them. And eventually, a few of the sweeter souls seemed to recognize that you were, in fact, a human, just as eager to be a part of the great big fight as they were.

So with the few friends you'd made, you'd found occasional moments of respite side by side. But of course, there was one soldier who managed to hold your attention everyday- though you were damn good at pretending this wasn't so.

Bill, on the other hand, couldn't be stopped from shouting encouragement across obstacle courses and casting longing stares across the dining hall. And some of the guys you'd started getting on with kept cracking jokes about how Bill must've had some secret crush on you. In a way, they weren't wrong. And the whole act was almost a little bit fun.

Bill went as far as introducing himself to you, acting a bigger flirt than you'd ever recalled him acting when he was very first pursuing you- which was really saying something.

And when the pair of you managed to sneak off on those weekends you were set free, it was almost as if you'd never been parted at all. Bill would trace patterns across your skin and laugh with you about nothing into the night, like always.

And every one of those rare opportunities ended by you asking if he was still alright with this whole strange arrangement you'd created. And Bill assured he was fine to sit back and watch you out run easy company's fastest sprinters, and give Shifty's near perfect shooting record a little competition. Bill knew you were on a personal mission to accomplish all the things you knew you could, without any implications. But you *were* starting to miss him.

Because those days and nights where you got to steal a moment of Bill's time were becoming sparse. And your rough plans together were almost always thwarted- by surprise drills and punishments.

And it came as a shock to no one that you'd most often get the worst of it from Sobel. His unhinged language somehow sunk lower when aimed at you. You knew his demeaning of your gender was intended to break you down. But you didn't let it. His discipline was often set up for you to fail, and make a fool of yourself. But you powered through the worst of it, and shot the bastard a grin each time you managed to come out on top of each ridiculous task. If you hadn't been motivated to push yourself before, you'd become mad to gain power by now.

Trouble was, on the few nights Bill made a point to sneak into your bunk, there was just no time for much besides dutifully listening to him drone on about how he missed you.

You'd been made to double your workload when everyone else got the rare chance to take it easy. And during then, Bill sought you out, like he once promised he would. And though you couldn't help but appreciate the nights he offered to stay up with you; to help finish some nightmarish task made to drive you to throwing in the towel- you sent him away. Bill would argue that any fight you had to face was his fight too. And you argued back that you thought he'd promised he understood that you were dead set on coming through this on your own.

Some mornings he'd let his hand squeeze your own below the table in the dining hall; while the others were busy fighting over desserts. But you eventually started shooting down Bill's attempts to display even the smallest affection- feeling strangely endangered by and entirely undeserving of his kind attention, at least until you earned your wings.

Those moments were already so few. And eventually they ceased all together, and the weeks started to fly by. Before you knew it, the time that had passed almost seemed to push the two of you further apart. Bill would be sent on one exercise while you were banished elsewhere. And on and on, until d-day.

As you slipped into your gear, a pit grew in your gut. Not for fear of what might be to come, but because you couldn't find Bill. And you *needed*to find him before thing's got even more complicated.

The sight of the man boarding a separate plane only brought you a blink of relief. But hardly so, it was no goodbye. Only confirmation that he was headed toward the same fate as you.

You were pushed onto your own flight, and the worry within you increased ten fold.

As the plane idled, some men chattered to ease their nerves. Their conversation had passed through one of your ears and out of the other, until you heard Bill's name repeated a couple of times.

"What's his problem? Seems to be more of a bitch than usual." One of them griped, wondering about the state of your man. It made you sick to realize you hadn't been near enough to him to realize he'd been in a strange mood, for a while.

"Yeah, well you'd be a bitch too if you found out your brother died, just before your flight out to hell." Johnny Martin pipped up. His tone more defensive than usual. You couldn't help but gawk at the peevish soldier who'd often, perplexingly, been kind to you. Had he really just said what you thought he said?

"Bill's brother?" You begged to know, trying quickly to hide the way your face fell.

"Yeah. He was killed in Italy, somewhere." Martin informed, keeping a quizzical eye on you.

"I see." You played, shoving all the terror and hurt deep deep down. There simply was no time to feel such things, and certainly not enough time for an explanation, should you start to lose it a little.

Before you knew it you were rocketing toward the ground and scrambling through tall grass to find a familiar face. Smoke and flames led your way, and one day and night passed before you saw your man again- two days that seemed to pass slower than years and decades.

And when you did spot Bill, he was relaxing with some of the others on the steps of a blown up building; and some horrid resistance within you grew stronger than the usual natural instinct to run into his embrace. The mixed emotions caused a cry to lodge itself in your throat, but you wouldn't let it out of course.

And by then Bill had made his way close enough to you to notice the sheen of tears you were reluctant to let fall.

"Still blerry eye'd from that shit storm we dived into, huh?" He nudged your side with his elbow and the smile he wore was gentle and encouraging despite the mayhem that had shadowed your senses, and his no doubt, for days now.

"You didn't tell me about your brother." You spoke in a whisper that came out in more of a hiss, unintentionally.

"Yeah, well you didn't tell me goodbye. But who's countin'?" Bill shot back, not speaking in anger so much as dejection. The two of you stood holding each others gaze for the first time in longer than just the two days you'd been separated.

"So what are we gonna do?" Bill wondered. But the ending of his statement was drowned out by the officers shouting for your company to fall out.

And for weeks that was as good as it got. The looks you shared across rooms were scant. And if there was ever time you might've had to find each other and sort things, you didn't take it- too terribly afraid he'd tell you how horribly you'd been treating him and break your heart in the middle of this already loveless bedlam.

It was all your fault, creating this chasm between the two of you and having no clue how to close it up. You'd walked around it many a time and met on the edge but the space was only growing.

The distance you insisted upon at first was never supposed to last this long but it seemed to have found a permanent place between you.

And what was worse, were the instances Bill found himself at your side- sharing silence on patrols and long rides from one place to another.

He was right in your reach. Just like he promised to always be. But that only made the storm of emotion within you seem to rage even wilder.

By the time your company had reached Belgium, you'd convinced yourself that everything you'd once shared with Bill was long gone. For all the times you failed to reach out to him, Bill seemed to pass up reaching out to you all the same.

Until one night. You were headed back from viewing some old film with a few of the guys who'd become used to your presence. There were still a few troopers who grimaced at the sight of you mixed in battle near them. But there were more who'd been proud to fight beside you, and invited you to take in a film on one lucky night off.

Bill was among them, listening to their banter while you lagged behind the bunch. You'd been certain that he'd finally crossed over to the side if the men who'd found it easier to turn a blind eye your way. But then

your crew rounded the corner of some weather worn barn. And Bill broke away from the group and stopped you from walking on- grabbing you by the elbow and gently holding you to stall.

"Bill, I don't think-" you began, croaking past the ever present lump in your throat. Worried that the others would hear should you start to bicker. You didn't care what they knew, anymore. Only hoped to prevent any further upset. There was already so much sorrow you're lot had to carry and sort through. And selfishly, you couldn't dream of stirring up any more upset.

"Shaddup. This ain't how it's gonna be no more." Bill returned, his voice full and insistent. He still held one of your arms and brought his other hand to follow suit.

You were too stunned by his insistence and his closeness after so much confusion that you keep your mouth shut.

"I miss you, damn it."

Your brow furrowed at his gentle confession and your mouth hovered open. Too many words jammed in your throat but you manage to stammer out the one's that reign truest.

"I miss you too."

Bill's worry seemed to fade into relief. His eyes shut as he brought his lips to your head, like he always used to do. And you let him.

"Well, we can't have that." You closed your eyes then, as he spoke against your temple and ran his hand up to your shoulders, bringing his fingers to hold your face. You let Bill lean in for a real kiss, feather light and sweet as ever. And you didn't try and stop as he followed behind on your decided way back toward your billet.

But as you turned the corner at last, a drunken member of your company stopped you from walking further.

Cobb stood in the middle of the rest of the path, sipping from a foreign bottle. He never liked you much. Before you could shove past the guy, he spoke up.

"Who the fuck do you two think you are?" Cobb spat, eyeing Bill past your shoulder. "What makes either of you think you deserve happiness, let alone love? In the palm of your hand in the middle of all this? It's audacious. You disgust me." Perhaps Cobb had seen the way Bill had only just so tenderly held you. Or perhaps he was just on another senseless bender.

Either way, you let your eye's roll and breezed on by, leaving the drunken fool behind. He didn't let Bill pass so easily, though, slurring something about your character in the face of the man who'd so far unconditionally loved you.

"Get fucked, Cobb. Maybe that stick up your ass'll come lose, then." Bill pushed past the soldier who'd been insulted enough to shut his mouth. But his alcohol fueled barb rang in your ears the rest of the walk to the place you were headed.

The walk was quiet. And you debated over speaking your mind even as you crept into the room. It had to be done, you realized. The room was empty of listening ear, and equipped with a door to shut the world out. You and Bill hadn't had many chances like this in a year or so. And you knew fate had designed this opportunity, a chance to finally say everything that you hadn't been able to.

"Bill." You stared, turning to face your man after you'd turned the lock on the door. He stood with his arms crossed as if to brace for impact.

"Maybe Roy wasn't wrong."

Bill shook his head as you spoke and met you in the middle of the room where you'd stood.

"I just got you back. You're nuts if ya think I'm gonna let you slip away from me again."

"But I didn't slip away!" You corrected with urgency. "I pushed you away. More than a couple of times!"

"Maybe, but you had a good reason." Bill assured, his eyes going wide under his strong furrowed brow.

"No, I had a selfish reason. And Cobb might be a drunk asshole but he's right! I don't deserve you, not now!"

"Fuck that guy. He gets a say in what happens to us? Don't fuckin' think so. You're not walkin' away from me after all this time just cause some pessimistic asshole-"

As Bill shouted, you lost all the strength you'd been enforcing to keep from falling apart over this. Your throat burned as a pathetic sob escaped and hot tears ran down your face.

What had started as some mechanism you'd used to get through training turned into something bigger and uglier. This was war. This was what it turned you into. Some selfish monster greeded for more credit when you'd already earned your place.

You'd pushed Bill away time and again and you knew he had to be near his breaking point. He proved so tonight, by grabbing you close and demanding you not stray so far again, like you'd ever really come back from doing so.

And what was worse than the realization that you'd pushed him away, was the realization that Bill might not always come back. And what if you couldn't change? What if, on your road back to being less selfish, he'd finally realize you weren't worth the chase?

"I fucked up." You admitted, heaving the realization through sobs. "Oh God, Bill, please don't leave me."

"Hello? You heard a thing I've been sayin'?" Bill rang, reaching out to you much like he did not even an hour ago. One set of fingers came to lovingly brush the tears still rolling from your eyes. And then he held your head in his hands so you'd look at him as he spoke up.

"It's always gonna be you. That's what I'm put here fightin' for. Even when you get all determined and leave me in the dust. Hell, I'm so in love with you it terrifies me, doll. Scares me that one day you'll get too good at bein' on your own, and leave me, all alone, still be fightin'." Bill poured forth, searching your gaze as he spoke.

"Point is, I'll always be on your team. You just gotta let me stay cheerin' you on, damn it."

You nodded and tried to swallow your emotions to no avail. And finally just let yourself cry again as you repeated to Bill how sorry you were. He wrapped you in his embrace and let you lose it.

"I'll do better." You swore, meeting his eyes.

"Just feel better, for now, huh? That'll make me a happy man."

You didn't deserve Bill. But damn it, if he'd still have you, you'd be right there ready to cherish his very existence with each set and rise of the sun. You both agreed that there was no way either of you could make it through the rest of this hell without one another close by.

And you figured some of the guys had already pieced together that there was something between you and the man with an unforgiving nickname. And, apparently, Bill had entrusted Babe Heffron with his entire life story by now. That explained the curious glances the replacement had now and again thrown your way.

To hell with what anyone might've made of the two of you. To hell with any future or past where Bill wasn't in step with you.

The next night your company was hauled off toward the forest without a coat to trade between the lot of you. Teeth chattered and breath fogged the freezing air. But Bill clasped his hand in yours, and an incomparable warmth spread across everything that made you whole.

Some new kid was the subject of the company's pestering tonight, but it hardly lasted. Spirit's settled and someone near the front of the ride seemed to rhetorically wonder about home, and what it would be like to get back.

Some men answered, voicing hopes and dreams of the future. You only turned to look right at Bill, who already had his sights set on you. And then you realized, nothing much had really changed. You'd always been lucky with Bill at your side. God how you'd be glad to let it last...

#bill guarnere #bill guarnere x reader #bill guarnere imagine #band of brothers

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sparklingpax · 3 years ago

Text

We return to another episode of Kuni rambles incoherently on tumblr with a phone at 18%

Alternately titled, someone take my phone the f r ag away from me

Ok. I apologize if someone else has come up with this idea first and this is therefore a pale comparison to the original idea, but um, here goes.

I want an au (?? Might have a different name based on what I'm talking about Actually, but brain Fried so I can't remember) where optimus gets to talk to his youngest self--to Orion Pax :0

Note: the times it mentions Optimus is like. from Op’s pov? Since Orion never learns his name?? If that makes sense?? Sorry this is so confusing aa a a--

so anyway Sorry for typos and grammar stuff, I'm typing this on my phone as it slowly dies Hfkdjsj hH 😳

///

Orion is pulled from his study books at the sound of footsteps.

A shadow is cast over him.

Wonder and disbelief spark in his gaze as he stares up at the rather grand figure before him.

This mech--plating a nearly exact match to his own in the red, blue, and silver coloring--seems to possess an air about him that is...neither true confidence, nor uncertain existence.

At the very least, it seems he knows who he is, and his purpose in this world. Something Orion is still working on.

Silence rests between them.

Optimus, meanwhile, feels an overwhelming sense of yearning.

Seeing Orion--seeing himself--he wishes he could go back to those days.

The simpler days of youthful naivety towards life.

When Cybertron still thrived under golden days and the silvery illumination of the moons at night.

When the buildings stood tall and beautiful and untouched.

When he could never have known the awful sight of a corpse at the end of his own sword, or the unnatural cries a bot makes as it is brutally murdered next to you, and you can do nothing but continue to fend for your own life...

"You are...studying for a quarterly exam?" Optimus asks, leaning closer to see the book. He recognizes the cover and feels a twinge in his spark.

He remembers the book.

...And that he never enjoyed Chemistry much.

"...I am.....but...how did you know?" Orion stands slowly to meet the gaze of the mech standing over his desk. His gaze turns to light worry and confusion.

Orion is acutely aware of a feeling in his spark that...a lot about this mech feels familiar.

Somehow even...intimately.

"A-actually...um...."

He stammers in the silence, fishing desperately for the words to use that would ask his question, yet still be polite.

After all, 'are you related to me?' is definitely an awkward--perhaps intrusive--question to ask a complete stranger...

Optimus continues to regard the young bot, slightly amused.

He knows what Orion is hoping to ask, but also that it would be hard to ask a question like that upfront, at least when he was a younger mech.

"Orion Pax," Optimus says, placing his servos on his hips.

"Y-yes?"

"Be careful not to stay up too late with that book. Tests require knowledge, but they also require one to be awake to take them...and sleep--"

"--helps a processor function, yes..." the smaller mech sighs, frustrated. He's heard that one before, but his mind isn't thinking about that at the moment.

Alright, so he knows my name, too. But...I've never met him? There's absolutely no way he doesn't know me somehow... but how could I possibly--

"Orion?"

He jolts at his name, almost blurting the question before pulling himself back.

The mech standing over his desk gives the gentlest of smiles and rests a firm servo on Orion's shoulder.

"I know what you are going to ask, Orion."

"You...do?"

"And I will tell you as much as I can."

What is he, inside my head now?

But he receives an answer that shocks him more than that would.

"I....am you, Orion, and beneath my title and age from my timeline....I am still you," he pauses, beginning to look a little sad now.

Orion blinks a few times, absolutely shocked.

"....but you're so....tall..." Is all he manages to murmur before realizing what he just said and instantly feeling heat rush to his face.

Optimus tightens his jaw as he doesn't wish to embarrass the archivist any further by laughing.

I was less careful with my thoughts and emotions once. If only I still knew how...

"I am a Prime, and I am fighting a war."

"A war?" Orion frowns in thought.

There's hasn't been a war since the revolution against the Quintesson oppressors.

What need had Cybertron to fight again?

"Is it an invasion of Cybertron to come? Or a resources conflict?"

And me? Fighting in that war? But...I fail every self-defense practice with Megatronus, at that's true no matter how hard I try...

Optimus feels his chest grow heavy as he remembers the pain Megatron's anger alone had caused him after the council of Halogen.

The guilt, regret, frustration at his friend's obstinance, fear, sadness...

He realizes quickly that he can't possibly unload the heavier truth to Orion--to himself--all over again.

He can't...bring himself to tell Orion that his closest friend and mentor would be the leading force in a centuries-long, gritty, bleak and somewhat horribly hopeless war against him and his cause.

So he instead offers a rather sad smile, and chooses not to answer the question.

"Orion, hear my words, even if you don’t understand them at present. No matter what happens or who around you turns for the darker path, you must never lose your spark, hope, or your character."

"My spark....and character?" He echoes, distantly. "Hope?"

"Indeed," Optimus affirms, feeling an uneasiness of his own.

The light in his eyes has dulled, yet they also maintain a grim light to them.

One that tells Orion that this mech has seen things he wished never to have seen, and never to see again.

A grief so strong it....scares him.

Orion feels a wave of uneasiness wash over his whole body.

Something very dark is somewhere in the future...and now he has something to do with it?

And...it involves him becoming bigger, taller, stronger? Learning to fight...to kill, maybe?

To kill means to take a life. To end it.

Orion swallows, at last processing the other part of what the mech had told him.

He had to become a Prime??

"I--but I couldn't...not in any dream could I..." He trails off, feeling almost too much at once.

I cannot kill.

Optimus senses the turmoil he's set in the younger mech and feels guilty immediately.

"Do not worry," he consoles him, reaching for his smaller servos. He then looks Orion in the eye, knowing the firmness will settle his mind. "My being here alone may be enough to stop what might happen to you, to this planet..."

Orion indeed beings to feel the pounding in his spark settle just a little.

A war would mean all kinds of devastation he couldn't begin to imagine...but this mech was from another timeline.

Perhaps we...are destined for another future.

"Above all, know that if you never lose yourself, then....whatever you become will be just as true as that," he tells him. The words are weighted with something profound.

The archivist knows in his spark that it will be a long time before he can grasp that emotion, but he is fine with that.

Orion blinks at him, feeling a new wave of mixed emotions he can't define. He feels himself tense as he tries to control it.

But the mech's hand reaches to his arm.

He nods encouragingly, and Orion just knows the Prime doesn't want him to pent up his emotions.

"In my eyes, Orion, you have always been a prime..."

Optimus draws back at last and slowly begins to leave.

It must be time for him to go...

Orion stands at his desk, staring, a forearm still raised.

"...Or so I am told by those around me..."

The mech adds with a mild chuckle before finally leaving the room.

Orion continues to stare at the now empty doorway ahead of him.

Was that even real?

Himself?

From another future?

And yet...there is that feeling in his spark...the gut instinct telling him to trust in what this mech had been saying, that it was all real...

He plops back into his seat, staring at the ceiling.

He is too lost in thought to try and get back into his late-night studying.

And then it sinks in.

I never asked him his name!!

He deflates a little and facepalms.

Orion, you dumbaft....

///

Nhjdjdjs I hate this, writing skils have left the chat

bye ;w;

#transformers #transformers prime #tfp #tf #kuniwrites #orion pax #tfp orion pax #fanfiction #transformers fanfiction #transformers prime fanfiction #tfp fanfiction #Megatronus #Megatron

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wireddless · 4 years ago

Text

Codeine Scene (Five H. x Reader) [3]

Codeine Scene Masterlist

Authors Note: First off, I am SO sorry. New Years is always a slow time for me, and I did not mean to take this long to publish. Second of all, this chapter is a transition chapter into a much more fucked up story. I’m warning you now that the rest of this fic will get really really dark. I don’t recommend reading after this chapter if you can’t handle depictions of r*pe, murder, heavy drug use (cocaine, etc,) and other disturbing topics . I’m basing this story off of personal experiences, and in no way do I want someone who isn’t ready to read something like this to read this. This is like the last safe chapter, please do not read after this if you can’t handle the topics mentioned above

Summary: Klaus moves Reader up to Ben’s old room early in the morning. Afterwards, they eat breakfast and decide to trip on acid together. Five learns more about her than he expected to today

Warnings: Drug use (LSD[acid],) mentions of suicide, mentions of sex

Word Count: 3777

Taglist: @alexander-hamilhoe @dumdumsun

The gentle shaking of (Y/n)’s shoulder pulled her from her sleep. Klaus stood over her, harshly whispering her name. Looking towards his window, she could see the sky was just barely starting to light up, it was still early.

“Klaus it’s like 7:30!” She quickly grabbed the sheet that was covering her from the waist down and yanked it over her head. A small groan left Klaus’s mouth and he yanked it back off of her. “It’s Sunday!” She tried convincing him to let her sleep in, but it was no use.

“I talked to Ben and he said you could stay in his room!” Klaus wrestled with (Y/n) over the blanket, knowing she was still tired. Ever the impatient man he was, Klaus spoke again, “We gotta get you settled in right now!”

“Fine! Fine. I’m up.” (Y/n) sat up and shoved her matted hair out of her face. “Why right now?” Klaus looked at her like the answer was obvious. It wasn’t, of course.

“Because trauma can be associated with places! Coming in here right after what happened yesterday could be an issue.” He grabbed a hair brush off of his dresser and pushed her to sit on the bed. Climbing behind her, he started to brush her hair. “Even if you aren’t reminded of it in here, it’s always good to be able to have some privacy.” He made valid points.

“I guess you're right.” Klaus was extraordinarily gentle with her hair, pulling out all of the mats and even putting in the effort to put it in a low ponytail to keep it out of her face. “Thank you.” (Y/n) turned and smiled at Klaus, pulling him into a quick, tight, hug.

Ben's room was up the green stairway, across from Five’s room. (Y/n)’s face scrunched a little when she realized Five would be right across the hallway, but she didn’t complain. Her arms were a little tired from carrying her suitcase and heavier back pack up the stairs so early in the morning, but it would fade rather quickly.

Klaus opened the door and stepped aside, letting (Y/n) rush to the bed with her heavy luggage. “Dad replaced everything in this room a week after Ben died.” Klaus sat on the bed next to her luggage, and she plopped next to him. “He said old reminders would only set us back, so he made this one of many guest rooms.” Klaus peered in the closet, knowing that Ben’s academy uniforms were no longer hanging pristinely on the rack.

“He didn’t die in here, did he?” (Y/n) turned to look at Klaus, feeling heavy sympathy.

“Oh no! A mission went wrong, and I suppose we all messed up, but the monster inside his chest started tearing him apart.” Klaus’s usual, very happy energy, was replaced by a solemn, cold one. “He died in the infirmary.” Klaus looked down at the bedsheets. They weren’t the one that Ben had used. “I still talk to him every day, but it still makes me a little sad.” Klaus sniffled and rubbed his eyes.

(Y/n) pulled Klaus into a bone crushing hug, knowing he needed the comfort. “That’s terrible.” She was a very empathetic person, relying more on feeling than thinking, so she was struggling to hold back her own tears. “Are you sure he’s ok with this?”

“Yeah! He said something about moving on, and finally attempting to find peace.” Klaus clapped his hands once as he stood. “He’s kind of started meditating too, which is kind of weird, because he’s a ghost and all.” He stood and glanced around the room, getting a good look at it before (Y/n) would make it her own. “Let’s go get some breakfast after we unpack, huh?”

“That sounds nice.” (Y/n) stood and hugged Klaus again, silently letting him know that she was there for him.

The walk all the way down to the basement kitchen was unexpectedly exhausting. Six flights of stairs later, two flights between every floor, they were sitting at the table, staring at Five scrape his eggs off the skillet and onto his toast.

“I’m not making eggs for you two.” His voice was monotone and annoyed. He wasn’t a morning person. “Take some responsibility and make them yourself.” Five grabbed his food and coffee, and looked at both of them before giving his usual tight-lipped smirk and blipping away, presumably to his room.

Klaus released a few small giggles he was holding in and hopped off the island. “He always seems to add a little spice to life.”

As he was making his way over to the fridge to grab some eggs, (Y/n) asked; “Is he like this every morning?” Not wasting a second after her question, Klaus replied.

“Yep!” He pulled out four eggs and set them in a clean bowl on the counter. “Without a doubt. It’s worse on weekdays too, because the classes he teaches are all early in the morning. Now do you want scrambled, fried, or boiled?”

“Scrambled, please.” As Klaus got to work on making breakfast for the two of them, she thought about what Five might teach. “Hey Klaus?”

“Yeah?” Klaus was stirring the already scrambled eggs in the skillet.

“What does Five teach? I mean it makes sense that he’s a teacher, but I just can’t think of what he’d be so willing to teach for a living.” Klaus looked back at (Y/n) before down at the eggs again. Her chin was resting in her hands, and she stared over at him, waiting for his answer.

“I think some sort of ethics class, like there’s different types of ethics, but that’s all I really know. He doesn’t really talk about work, and it’s a bit weird considering he was an assassin.” Klaus split the scrambled eggs in two separate bowls with forks in them and gave one to (Y/n).

“He killed people?” (Y/n) dug into the eggs, shoving them in her mouth, listening for Klaus.

“We’ve all dabbled with a little murder before, it’s not really that big of a deal for us, but he swore never to kill for someone else again, I’m pretty sure.” Klaus fillet out a little moan of joy as he started filling his own stomach with the eggs.

“That must be why he was so unphased about what happened yesterday, that makes me feel a lot better.” She concluded, trying not to remember the way she nearly beat the life out of the man in Five’s car as she shoved more of Klaus’s eggs in her mouth. “These are really good!”

“Danke!” Klaus thanked her in German, with a mouth full of eggs. He swallowed them and continued speaking. “That actually reminds me- you’ve done acid right?” (Y/n) thought on the question for a moment before answering.

“No actually, but I did do shrooms a lot with my friends before I dropped out.” Her fork scraped the bowl, trying to get the last of the eggs.

“Good! You have experience.” Klaus poured the last of his eggs in his mouth, straight from the bowl, before swallowing. “Would you like to do acid with me? You don’t have to, but I feel like this would definitely raise your spirits.” Klaus leaned toward her, waiting for her answer.

“I’d love to actually.” (Y/n) swallowed the last of her eggs, and stacked her bowl with Klaus’s, before taking them to the sink to wash them. Klaus stood and followed her, digging in the breast pocket of his half-unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and pulling out a small square of folded tin foil.

“Great! Now stick your tongue out.” Klaus unfolded the foil and pulled a tiny white square of paper, roughly the size of a phone keyboard key, out from the six-ish others in it. (Y/n) stuck her tongue out as she rinsed the now-clean bowls and Klaus placed the piece of paper on it, before sticking one on his own tongue.

(Y/n) stuck her tongue back in her mouth and sucked a bit on the paper. “So do I swallow it, or…?” The tab didn’t make it any harder to talk, thank god.

“If you want to, but you absorb it faster when it’s in your mouth.” Klaus picked up the bowls and started drying them. “It’s not bitter at all is it?” Klaus asked, checking to make sure she didn’t take a laced tab.

(Y/n) focused on the tab again, not really noticing any taste. “Not that I can notice.” Klaus smiled as he shut the cabinet where he placed the bowls.

“That means we’re all good! You can swallow it when the paper feels soggy enough, though, you’ve probably absorbed most of it by now.” Klaus led her back upstairs to his room, practically dragging her by her wrist. “Things are gonna get really funny for a little bit before you actually start tripping.” Klaus shut the door behind them and plopped on his bed.

“Doesn’t it take like an hour to kick in?” This wasn’t her first rodeo, so she knew her way around at least a bit.

“Yeah yeah, it’s kinda like shrooms? But the visuals and the trip are just a bit different, you’ll see what I mean.” Klaus grabbed a joint he had rolled earlier and lit up, taking a few puffs before passing it to (Y/n). “Just settle in for like half an hour and then get up to see how you feel.”

•••

Tripping on LSD was a profound experience. (Y/n) wasn’t able to go outside, as it was raining cold, so she stayed inside, wandering around the house. She and Klaus made some really cool art, and Klaus held it over the vents to dry while she was walking around the house.

Tripping felt like seeing the universe fully for the first time, and she could somewhat understand Klaus’s view of the world. Many times throughout the last three hours, she thought she saw Five blipping away out of the corner of her eye. She had dismissed it every time, of course.

Now the trip was peaking, and the visuals were insane. The air around (Y/n) felt like breathable, transparent, clay, and it was a little overwhelming with all the visuals, so she opened the door in front of her and quietly sat next to it, letting out a long, happy sigh. Closing her eyes, she paid attention to the gorgeous visuals she could see behind her eyelids.

(Y/n) didn’t even notice Five sitting on his bed, staring at her from over his book. She was too focused on the movement behind her eyelids, and the euphoric feeling surrounding her, so when Five spoke, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“I think you have the wrong room.” The sound of Five closing his book reached her ears.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I- I wasn’t paying attention I’ll leave.” (Y/n) stumbled over her words as she tried to stand, clearly embarrassed.

“No, no, it’s fine actually.” Five spoke, rather out of character. “A little company once in a while feels nice, and I see no harm when you’re being quiet.” His face was beyond distorted, but she could still recognize his permanent scowl.

“Really?” (Y/n) settled back down, more relaxed and at ease.

“Yeah, I don’t really care.” Five grabbed his book again, opening it back to where he was. “Just don’t be too annoying.”

“I won’t don’t worry.” Five grunted quietly at her response. A smile painted itself on her face, and she slid all the way down the wall, with her head now on the floor with the rest of her.

•••

And she was quiet. Five watched for like an hour and a half as her eyes slowly focused on something new in his room every few moments. She was quite taken by the math equations across his wall, and he found it rather cute. He started to find her less annoying, now understanding that she coped the way his brother did.

He was alone once again in his room now, no longer accompanied by (Y/n). In fact, she was accompanied by one of her “friends.” She barely even knew the guy.

Five could hear everything. Every moan. Every word spoken with the intent of being quiet, but wasn’t held under the gentle guise of a whisper. It infuriated him.

Of course, he understood that she didn’t grow up in a particularly healthy home, given that she was in a homeless shelter at almost 18, so she didn’t understand healthy coping habits. It genuinely hurt his heart, if just a little bit, that he could watch another hurt soul walk down the same path as his brother.

Klaus had gotten help for his addictions, and was off addictive drugs completely, but even Five understood that not everyone will be able to get the help they need. He wouldn’t say he had any feelings for her, but he still felt sympathy.

Knowing that it was how she coped made hearing all of it a little easier, but he still wasn’t able to handle it after hearing it for fifteen minutes, so he jumped down to the kitchen, brewed himself some herbal tea, added a little vodka, and read his book, criss cross, on the table in the center of the room, attempting to ignore what was happening right across from his room.

•••

Bailey had just left, and (Y/n) was exhausted. He was kind of an ass, and he treated her like shit in middle school, but he was a horny teen, and it was really easy to just invite him over.

The trip was fading out now. She was no longer peaking, and the visuals were far less intense. (Y/n), after standing at the stairs, staring at them for a couple minutes, deemed it safe to be able to walk down them. She knew it was normally safe to go down the steps while tripping, but something in her head told her to wait, so she did.

These particular steps were a little steep, as well, so she made her way down slowly, leading herself to the kitchen in the basement. Her bare feet padded quietly on the floor as she walked to the stove, turning the heating element under the tea kettle on. The bags under her eyes felt so beyond heavy, and she knew she’d be sleeping deeply tonight.

“You done up there?” Five’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. (Y/n) turned and leaned on the counter to face him.

“Yeah, yeah, he left like ten minutes ago. I’m just really tired and want some tea to relax I guess.” Her arms were crossed, comfortably holding each other up.

Five hummed in response. “Well I see we both thought of the same thing.” He lifted his mug of tea, peppermint maybe, and put it to his lips.

“I thought you only drank coffee.” (Y/n) chuckled a little feeling the heat of the stove begin to reach her back.

“Well it wouldn’t be very logical to drink caffeine so late in the day, especially when I have to teach an early class tomorrow.” Five flipped the page of his book, continuing to read while talking to her.

“Makes sense.” Her words were drowned out by the high whistling of the tea kettle, letting her know she could pour it into the cup. Grabbing the tin of loose leaf tea, she hummed as she scooped it into the reusable tea bag that was next to it.

(Y/n) dropped the tea bag in the cup, following up with the boiling water. She turned, bringing her and her cup to the table, now sitting next to Five. Five was a grumpy, annoying, old, man who has to grow up all over again, but his company was enjoyable, it contrasted hers in such a way that it comforted her. It made her feel like her ADHD was less severe, like her inability to focus was matched by someone who could do nothing but focus.

Only a day had gone by since they met, and she was already comforted by him.

Five shut his book and looked over at her. The more he got to know her, the more subtly enjoyable he found her. Her sitting not two feet from him didn’t bother him as much as it usually would. He was kind of ok with that.

“You drink peppermint?” (Y/n)’s voice was scratchy and hoarse. She really did need the tea.

“Yeah, it’s the least fruity from what I’ve tried.” He took another sip. “Simple classic.” He set it down and looked over at her, engaging in an unexpected conversation.

“I tend to prefer fruitier teas, I’ve noticed.” She looked down at the cup that she’d been drinking out of for a couple minutes now. “They go down easier and really comfort me. Reminds me of my mom, she only ever made fruity teas.” She took another sip, letting the warmth fill her up.

“What happened to your mom?” Five looked back down at his drink, then back up at the girl next to him. “I noticed that you didn’t exactly live with her when we picked up your stuff.”

“Yeah..” (Y/n) hesitated a little. He was awfully blunt. “I was like seven when it happened, but I’m told it was a double suicide, between her and dad.” Her legs were swinging a little nervously. “Mom sent me up to my room one night and told me not to come out until she opened the door, no matter what. The next day a detective came into my room and carried me out screaming. They were both dead on the floor. I lived with my aunt and uncle after that.”

“Oh shit.” Five didn’t expect her answer to be this upsetting.

“Yeah. My uncle told me it was a double suicide, my aunt said the same thing, she manipulated me and made me think they did it because of me.” (Y/n) sighed into her drink, her distorted reflection staring back at her. “I don’t even remember what the scene looked like, just a lot of blood. I don’t look at anything about it either, don’t really want to relive it.”

“That’s really tough, wow.” Five chuckled uncomfortably and finished his drink. “I didn’t know my mother, but my mom was a robot. She was pretty much indestructible, but she was fully shut off when our house was being attacked a long time ago.”

“Oh my.” (Y/n)’s voice was soft, hoarse, and tired. Her hand gently moved to rest atop his, not really knowing how else to reassure him, if he even needed it, of course. “I’m sorry about that.”

Five didn’t even seem to notice his hand being covered. “No it’s fine, I got over it long long ago.” His words were just slightly slurred, and his eyes had reddened slightly.

“Well I’m here if you ever need like, a hug or something.” (Y/n) laughed. “I don’t really know how else to comfort anyone.”

“It shouldn’t be your job to comfort anyone, that’s not your responsibility.” Five chuckled and smiled slightly. (Y/n) hadn’t expected him to smile, and it wasn’t as weird as she thought it would be.

Before she could even mention it though, Klaus’s happy, booming voice echoed in the kitchen as he practically skipped to the fridge. As she yanked her hand away from Five, she noticed the way he pulled his arm away as well. Maybe he did notice?

Klaus and Five started talking about something as he got off the table and placed his cup in the sink, but she wasn’t paying attention. Before her attention was quickly pulled to the floor, she thought on the way Five had wrenched his arm away.

As anxiety inducing as it was, the LSD that was still in her system made it easy to quickly move onto the next thought. Before she knew it, a flash of blue wrenched her out of her head and she looked up at Klaus, now alone with her in the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetie.” Klaus kissed her cheek and led her gently off the table and to the stairs. “Your trip going good?” He popped a black olive in his mouth.

“Yeah it’s going fine, I really like it. It’s kinda different from shrooms, but not like a bad different.” She was just two steps behind him, trying to keep the same pace as him.

“That’s great.” Klaus hummed as he popped another olive in his mouth. “These are absolutely amazing. I figured you would like it, it’s really calming and stuff for me. Makes the sad feeling kinda disappear for weeks after.”

“Oh same, I’ve just felt creative and warm all day.” They stopped in front of Klaus’s room, Klaus still eating his olives. “I’m actually exhausted too, the trip felt really nice.”

“Well I’m glad I could have helped.” Klaus pulled her into a tight hug, humming loudly. Hugs felt great on psychedelics, she had noticed.

“You helped so much.” (Y/n)’s voice was slightly muffled by Klaus’s chest. She pulled out of Klaus’s chest, speaking again. “I’m gonna go to bed now, if that’s ok, I’m so so tired.” She laughed a little.

“That’s fine, I’m gonna crash the moment I hit my bed, so..” Klaus smiled down at her, thankful for this mini-him.

“Night night, Klaus.” (Y/n) and Klaus both separated to head to their rooms, both about to sleep deeply enough to miss a train going through the house.

The stairs up to her new room were an almost pastel green color, covered by what looked to be years of grime and nicotine stains. It added character, she thought. The checkerboard floor at the top of the stairs seemed to lead her straight to her new room, which she was really thankful for, she was exhausted.

Her fingers wrapped around the doorknob, twisting the old carved crystal just enough to open it. She closed it the same way, with just enough effort for it to work, she could have sworn she saw something blue flash near her, but she doubted herself immediately. Once she plopped on the bed, her fingers dragged her phone across the sheets towards her.

It took (Y/n) two full minutes to open her phone, not remembering her password and then not being able to type the right letters slowed her down significantly. It wouldn’t matter though, because once she turned on some quiet music, she was fast asleep.

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cablesscutie · 3 years ago

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34. “I just want to be there for you.” Zutara, For the fluff prompt list please ☺️

Hello!! You sent me this a very long time ago and then my brain was bad and ground to a screeching halt, but I have been thinking about it this whole time! And now my brain has finally allowed me to make words again these past few weeks, so here it is:

PART 1 \\ PART 2

Even after seeing pictures of Zuko convinces Katara to tentatively agree to Ty Lee’s hairbrained scheme, she still tells herself that she has time to bail. If she really decides that she doesn’t need a date after all, she can just cancel on him and tell Aang her date had food poisoning or something. If worst comes to worst, she can claim that she has food poisoning too and escape the entire mortifying ordeal altogether. Zuko is just an option.

This is the constant refrain in her mind week after week as the date of the wedding approaches, and Katara gets somehow less enthusiastic about it with each passing day. She thinks it as she lets Suki shove her into a fitting room, laden with figure-hugging dresses. She thinks it as she scrolls quickly past Instagram posts counting down the days, politely liking them faster than she can process the sight of fairy lights and mason jars. She thinks it as she impulsively adds a leg waxing to her bi-monthly spa day with Toph. Zuko is just an option.

Just an option with arms that look like they would feel strong and secure around her, and a shy smile, and who’s sweet and playful with kids. Katara lets out a long, frustrated groan and presses her forehead to her desk, rolling it back and forth in a futile attempt to rub out the impending headache of a Friday afternoon. A moment later, she hears the telltale rattle of Suki’s office chair, and then her friend is rolling to a stop beside her.

“You good?” she asks, brushing aside Katara’s hair so she can see her face.

“No,” she sighs, annoyed.

“Is it the rehearsal dinner? Because if you don’t want to go, I can just say you got held late at work.”

“No, no. That’ll be...fine, probably. It’s this whole wedding date thing.”

“Oh do not tell me you’re still being all wishy-washy about it.”

“It just feels like a weird thing to do! I’m just going to show up at my ex’s wedding with this random dude? How will that look?”

“Um, probably like you’ve moved on? Which you have. Objectively. You even had a whole other relationship.”

“Really? Because I think it’ll look like I’m jealous and trying not to be.”

Suki fixes her with disbelieving eyebrows and a laugh. “Trust me, babe. Nobody is going to think that you’re the one that left that relationship pining. You were basically his mom. If this was Jet’s wedding...eh, maybe? But you tend to settle.”

Katara isn’t quite sure if Suki is trying to insult her or compliment her with that statement, and she isn’t sure if her kneejerk, “Hey!” is out of a desire to defend her judgement, or her past partners’ character. Regardless, she doesn’t have much after that to refute the point. Aang seems like a functional enough adult now, a few years out of college, but when they had dated, the “teen” in his nineteen years definitely showed. As for Jet, her much more recent cut, he was...vibing.

“Hon, you’re gonna be fine. I’ve heard Ty Lee and Mai talk about Zuko before, and he sounds like a decent guy. At worst, you have a meh date and escape some social awkwardness, but-” the upward tilt of Suki’s voice had Katara on edge, knowing what was coming next.

“Please, no -”

“- it could be good.”

“No, it can’t be.”

“Ty Lee seems really confident about you two, and you know she’s got a creepy good love radar. After all, she’s the one who convinced me not to block your brother when he slid into my DM’s. Even you told me to block him.”

“She does not have love radar. I love her, but the girl is an unstoppable meddler; she was bound to have a hit once,” Katara dismisses. It’s true that Sokka and Suki are adorable now, and perhaps evidence of the existence of soulmates, but Katara maintains that Ty Lee is a hopeless romantic who believes anything could be the start of an epic love story.

“Fine, be a cynic then. But you’ve already acknowledged that he’s hot, so just go to the wedding with him, and maybe finally rebound from Jet.”

“Hmm,” Katara hums noncommittally.

She’s something of a serial monogamist. She’d left her first real relationship with Aang intending on a summer fling to cleanse her palate before going back for her senior year. After a whirlwind month with the mature and worldly Jiang, she’d been looking into online classes, all but ready to move onto her houseboat and sail away into the sunset. Until Suki pointed out that it was an insane plan, and the ultimately parted ways as planned when Jiang set out to sea again. From there, she had fallen in with Jet as a friend with benefits to blow off steam through her last year without leaving herself open to distraction.

He wasn’t the kind of stable presence she could see herself settling down with, but wasn’t looking to be babied either. No, Jet was more of a feral creature. He knew he was dysfunctional and was fine with it, because function was the system and the system was bogus. Then, she got to know him, and realized that he kept people at a distance for much the same reason she was always pulling them too close. Suddenly, she had grand dreams of showing him the healing power of love, and both of them breaking free of their pain, never needing to fear being alone ever again. He cheated on her, and even as she was shouting at him, she’d known deep down that they had both just repeated their same bad habits all over again.

Now, there is Zuko. Zuko, with tragedy in his scarred eye, and sadness in his smile, but gentle hands on little legs resting on his shoulders. Katara thinks she could make many bad habits out of Zuko, and she is not too proud to admit that it terrifies her. Her stomach turns, and she thinks it might not even be a lie by the time she tells Zuko she’s suddenly too sick to attend the wedding.

The nausea gets worse at the rehearsal dinner, when she walks in to find Jet there, grinning at a bridesmaid. Suki hauls her over to Aang to give him a dressing-down for inviting him, and Katara is somehow reminded in the span of five minutes why she is extremely glad to be rid of both of them.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem!” Aang says, his usual defense. “And he is my friend - we go rock climbing together.”

“Small world,” Suki snarls, and Aang goes wide-eyed, leaning around her to look beseechingly at Katara.

“I swear, I didn’t think you were avoiding each other! After all, we’re exes, and it’s my wedding, but that’s not weird. So I figured you wouldn’t have a problem being in the same room as your other ex.”

Katara grits her teeth behind glossy lips that she forces into a smile, and despite Suki’s murder eyes and the voice in her head telling her not to - to swallow her embarrassment and tell the truth - she finds herself falling back on those old bad habits. “It’s okay, Aang. You had good intentions. We can be adults for one day.”

“Thank you so much Katara,” Aang gushes, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug that pins her arms briefly to her sides. “You’re the best!”

Suki shakes her head in disappointment as he bounds away. “You made your bed,” she reminds Katara. “Guess now you have to decide who to lie in it with.” She glides away to join Sokka at the bar, leaving Katara standing dazed and confused.

“Katara, hey,” an all too familiar voice greets her almost immediately after, and Katara closes her eyes. Suki totally hung her out to dry, and she can’t even be that mad because she’s right.

“Jet,” she says evenly, turning to face him. This shouldn’t be hard for her. While she doesn’t forgive him, she’s also very over him and understands that she’s an idiot for not making Aang ask him to leave. “How are you?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he says, bobbing his head. His clothes are formal but rumpled by disdain for their formality, an effect which once had a liquifying effect on Katara’s insides, but now just feels rude. “I was actually coming over to ask you the same thing,” he says, as though it is a profound inquiry and not the root of all small talk. She opens her mouth to offer a brusque reply and make an excuse to join Sokka and Suki at their table, but he knocks the wind out of her sails with his next words. “Ex’s wedding and all. Brutal.” He gives her a look that she is all to familiar with: his I-see-your-pain look. It was another thing about him that used to push all the right buttons on her, but now she just feels insulted at the presumption that she needs or wants his pity.

“Aang is actually a very dear friend,” she says, trying to sound as impenetrably chipper as possible. “Like a little brother.”

Jet is not deterred, leaning closer to her, his hand just brushing her elbow. “I feel bad about how things ended between us,” he says softly. “I should’ve done better by you.” Katara is momentarily stunned. Is she actually getting a sincere apology? “Which is why I think we should go to the wedding together. I just want to be there for you.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water down her spine, dousing both the fire of her anger and the tiny kindling warmth in her stomach. Katara pulls her shoulders back, straightening her spine, and snaps, “I already have someone to be there for me.”

Jet blinks and rears back a little. “Alright. I’ll, uh. Be looking forward to meeting them then.”

As he slinks away, she feels a moment of deep satisfaction. Only to nearly aspirate her sip of wine as she realizes she has officially painted herself into a corner. Zuko is coming to this wedding.

Thank you! If anyone wants to send me a line or prompt (from this list or your brain) I'll keep it going!

#zutara #zutara fic #my writing #ask game

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demenior · 3 years ago

Text

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons:

I love talking about my own work and

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories.

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God.

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’.

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency.

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics.

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression.

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question.

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”.

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish?

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance!

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired).

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc.

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years.

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did.

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.)

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

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victoriaviveskhuong · 3 years ago

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POWER ANIMALS ~ Working w/ Spirit Animals through SHAMANIC Journeying

Why would you want to connect with your Power Animal?

Before we get started, What is a Power Animal?

In Shamanism, a Power Animal is a kind of helping spirit who feel compassion for the human condition. We come to this Earth and it is such a profound, often challenging adventure, and they know what is awaiting us, so they know that we need support and they volunteer to support us, almost like guardian angels.

When we meet our power animal, what we are meeting with is the essence of a species. That means that even if your power animal shows up like, let’s say a black cat or a white cat, It is not just that cat or this cat. Instead, it’s the blueprint of all cats that have ever existed and will exist, so that’s why we relate to it like the essence of a species.

How Do We Meet Our Power Animal?

Normally, we’re going to do so by going into Shamanic Journeying. Shamanic Journeying is an ancient process to go into what we call non-ordinary reality, beyond time and space. So we go beyond our physical experience and what we are able to perceive through our physical senses, and we are able to connect with the Spirit world where we can meet our power animal.

What Does Our Power Animal Mean?

youtube

Sometimes we say, “Okay, so I connected with a cat, or a dog, or a lion... What does it mean? I want to know what it means...tell me, tell me…” However, that’s not the best way of understanding why that power animal comes into your life. Why? Well, let’s draw an analogy. You might have a friend that, due to your specific connection with them, you experience them as love, or encouragement, or any other experience. They might bring unique characteristics to your relationship because of who they are, who you are, and the combination between the two of you at that specific time in your lives, right? However, that same person might meet somebody else at that same time and their experience and connection might be completely different. The same person that brings love to you might bring tension or stress to another. So it all comes to how you work with each other and what you need at that moment in your life.

Because of this, my recommendation is for you to discover why this power animal is coming into your life through the art of direct revelation, and we do this through Shamanic Journeying.

Developing the Relationship

Once we connect with our power animal, we want to make sure that we keep our relationship. The reason why this is important is because they are like any other relationship in our lives. If you have a friend and you never see them, you never talk to them, then there is no relationship. So with our power animals we want to develop a relationship, especially because there is a kind of adjustment period that occurs until we really, really understand how they communicate with us. It is not like you and I, right now, connecting through English words. For our power animals, the way they express themselves to us is very different because in the world of Spirit is not about languages like English. Instead, many times it is going to be through communication we perceive through the different inner senses that we can tune into.

So for example, some people might perceive the spirit world through their inner sight, such as seeing images or symbols which are information rich and can be “translated” as information. You may see your power animal in a certain way that makes you understand different details of the message they are bringing to you.

Or you might receive the information through body sensations. When you are very sensitive to perceiving the spirit world through your body, that is being clairsentient. So as you go through the journey, you might not even see your power animal and instead, you might just have a sensation. “I know there is a presence there. I cannot see it but I know that it is a tiger.”

So this is the way in which your power animal communicates with you and it takes time to understand. It’s not a clear-cut language, unless you are clairaudient. In that case, you might actually receive messages that are word by word.

A Matter of Perspective

Power animals have a perspective that is beyond the one that we have and, because of that, they can help us see things with greater clarity.

We are living our lives somewhat confined in this physical reality and sometimes may lose track of the big picture. Think back to previous years in your life, a time where you were in the middle of a challenging situation and made a decision that you would not have done if you were able to have more time to reflect. Perhaps your perspective was narrowed back then, however, now that you are not in the situation and your emotions are more settled, you have a different and often more clear perspective and might see a new array of possibilities to resolve the original challenge.

So with our power animals it is similar. They are not so involved in the game of our physical existence and thus, they can see from outside the box and help us access a bigger picture vision.

I remember times in which my power animals were like my best friends.

I remember a time when I felt like my power animals were like my best friends. I felt sad and alone, missing my family and friends in Spain, and getting used to living in the US. I just wanted to cry. Suddenly, I connected with my power animal and for a moment I felt that embrace. Suddenly, all that energy transformed the experience for me and I felt held and supported, and I just felt that everything was gonna be okay.

So power animals might bring guidance that is really practical step by step processes, like “Okay, we can do this, we can do that.” but they can also bring outstanding emotional support.

Having power animals in your life can completely, completely transform your experience, because you don’t feel alone anymore, and that’s beautiful.

Reconnect with the Wild

Power animas reconnect us with a part of us that is wild. Sometimes, when we meet our power animals just for a visit, we might end up running in the wild within non-ordinary reality with them and we might experience things that we don’t experience in this reality. So they help us stay in that connection which, in itself, is life-changing.

How Many Power Animals We Have?

In general, everyone has a couple of power animals but you may have even more, like ten, twenty… it depends. People who work in healing have more helping spirits and power animals because they are part of how they provide that bridge to bring healing, guidance, or whatever their clients need through the veil, from the spirit realm into this reality. Because of this, they sometimes have different power animals that specialize in different things.

Power Loss

In Shamanism, when somebody is in a situation of feeling powerless, feeling like everything goes wrong, lack of fortune, things just not looking up, we call this power loss. This is because their power animal is not with them anymore. Thankfully, there is a powerful healing process called power animal retrieval in which a Shamanic Practitioner brings the power animal back to that person.

Power Animal = Totem Animal?

Another question that I get many times is “Is my power animal my totem animal? Well, it’s not exactly the same. The totem animal is what represents our energy or essence, whereas a power animal is an energy that we need in a certain period in our lives. So it may come into our lives only during a certain period because we might have started a relationship, or a business, or are going to school… and we are not completely having the power or wisdom we need to go through it. The power animal then comes to support us and activate that aspect that we don’t have at the moment within ourselves.

Sometimes, we get the surprise that they are our original “guardian angels” and stay with us for life, but sometimes they are not, so the connection dissipates and we stop working together as we have achieved our own inner power in the regard they came to help us with.

From all the power animals I met and worked with, I never knew who was going to stay but then, over the years, I realized “Oh my goodness! I'm still working with this power animal and it’s being such an amazing journey. It is an amazing friendship!

Expectations

Another thing that is interesting about power animals is that sometimes we have expectations such as "this is a good power animal, this one I don’t want to connect with".

In one of my classes, one of my students connected with a rat and that was her power animal. "I don’t even want to share about this" - she shared. This is because, in our society, it doesn’t feel like the most fancy animal to connect with. We don’t see rats as valuable and this is because sometimes we just don’t understand the qualities or intelligence that a specific animal might have and how that quality might serve us in our lives. These are precious hidden treasures!

Reflecting upon these judgments can bring a sense of acceptance. We discriminate against certain animals and love others, almost as if we put them in categories. Now imagine, what would happen if extraterrestrials would come to our world and would say “Hmmm, that’s a human, wahhh..disgusting” Ah!!…what about that?

So we can look at the world with new eyes and be open, open-hearted, and might be positively surprised. If a power animal that you don’t resonate comes to you, think about what is the lesson, why that animal is coming at that moment. Rats are very intelligent and they find their way around, so maybe that was something that that student needed at that moment in their life. We never know!

Physical Reality

Something I absolutely love about connecting with Power Animals is that in the beginning we create this relationship in the Shamanic Journey but many times we might find that same animal we find in our physical ordinary experience, our physical reality. You meet a, let’s say... a hawk as your power animal and then you remember, “Oh wow! I have seen this hawk flying above me for the last week.” So that’s amazing because now you have that confirmation of a strong connection. Or the opposite, you meet your power animal and then suddenly you start seeing more and more hawks, or more and more of your power animal. So then, that relationship starts expanding on both sides of the veil that separates the world of spirit and the world of physicality, and that's such a precious experience!

#power animals #animal spirits #shamanism #spirituality #victoria vives #victoria vives khuong #Youtube

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fishoutofcamelot · 4 years ago

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Yves Montand's les feuilles mortes is Merwen as Gwen ages and becomes old, memories flitting in and out of her consciousness as Merlin tends to her last moments on her death bed, her hand caressing his cheek as she says the final goodbye. Merlin clutches into her hand tight, his shoulders tremored as he sobs, losing his last friend and lover.

Dude it’s MY job to make people sad about Merwen! If you keep this up, I’ll be out of a job!!! And I can’t afford that in this tragic fandom economy.

Ngl tho, you’re absolutely right about the vibes. Although if I might add, I also kinda get a reincarnation vibe from it too.

The scene: France, 1947. WWII is finally over. Merlin, or Michon Epinette as he goes by now, is walking down a wet cobblestone street. His face is sullen. As he walks, hands stuffed into his pockets and head bowed, flashbacks are interjected into his mind. Brief snippets of his time in Camelot - meeting Arthur, hanging out with the knights, saving the kingdom. But above all, his time with Gwen. All the memories and laughs and tears they shared together.

The flashbacks increase in frequency the further along he comes, only now they’re all focusing on Arthur’s death, Leon and Gaius and Percival’s deaths, until only Merlin and Gwen remain. Until Gwen ages and dies too, until Merlin is left weeping over her dead body. But in none of the memories do any of their faces appear. The faces and appearances of his loved ones are just some of the many things he’s forgotten after all these years, much to his distress.

Merlin shakes his head to force the memories away, and enters a bar. It’s pretty empty. Everyone is fairly quiet aside from the clanking of glasses and occasional murmurs here and there - and on the stage, a slow, morose jazz performance.

He sits down at the bar and gets a drink, watching the performance and trying not to cry over how deeply the mournful lyrics speak to him. It’s the 1400-year anniversary of Gwen’s death, and it stings just as intensely now as it did back then.

The woman singing wears a yellow dress that is elegant yet simple, back exposed and black gloves deftly holding the microphone. Her own eyes are tearful, she herself affected by her own lyrics - Les Feuilles Mortes, now that he thinks about it - and if not for some impressive self-control then her elaborate makeup might have been running.

But looking at her face, her dark, gentle face and deep brown eyes, a most profound sense of deja vu settles into his gut. As if he should know her somehow.

But Merlin has lived for many, many years, and has met many, many people. If he’s met her before, he doesn’t remember, and likely never will. And besides, it was probably nothing important.

Still, the clenching of his heart pulls him to her. As if something terrible will happen, as if he’ll suffer a loss worse than he can ever imagine, if he doesn’t hold her in his arms this very moment.

Instead of sweeping her up and never letting go, Merlin waits for the song to end, politely applauds, and then greets her as she sits down at the bar stool next to him. Another performer walks onto the stage in her place.

They speak in French as she asks if she’s seen him before, a puzzled look creasing her features. He says that he’s just got one of those faces, and reaches out his hand to shake hers. He introduces himself using his current alias, Michon Epinette, but his ribcage screams at him to tell the truth. To tell her that his name is Merlin. He ignores the impulse.

She calls herself Guinevere Laurent, and oh how his heart aches at the familiarity of it. Another Guinevere, just as kind and soft as his own had once been. He commends her performance, admits that it had made him cry, and she tells him it has that effect on people - especially those who have recently suffered a loss.

Ms. Laurent asks him who he’s lost, then gets flustered as she apologizes for being so forward. He instead tells her that he lost a great deal of friends. Everyone he’s ever known and loved is dead now.

“The war?” she surmises.

“Yes,” he says, because while they’re not thinking about the same war it’s still true.

She sips from her cocktail glass. “I lost a great deal of friends to the war as well. My brother Elouan, my best friend Lazare, and my father Thomas. Normandy, all of them.”

He shrugs. “If they had to die at war, at least it was Normandy.” Then, flustering - “Oh no, I’m so sorry! That was so insensitive of me. I didn’t mean -”

Ms. Laurent - Guinevere - shakes her head. “It’s fine. You’re right, though. Normandy is...heroic. As good a place to die as any. I just...I just wish they hadn’t had to die in the first place.”

Merlin has nothing to say to that, so he doesn’t. And the two of them sit there at the bar counter, nursing their cocktails - which are, coincidentally, the exact same - and ruminate over their respective losses. Guinevere Laurent is likely thinking about the second world war, and Merlin is thinking about Camlann. And both of them are thinking about after. What happens next. Where they go from here, when everyone they care about is six feet under.

While the similarity in names is likely a coincidence, Merlin can’t help but feel drawn to this Guinevere too. She speaks and acts and feels so much like the one he lost that his chest burns with sorrow. But also, perhaps, with something else too. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

Merlin ventures out his broken heart and cracks a joke, trying to lighten her spirits. For the life of him, he will never be able to remember what the joke is, but it does its job in making a tentative smile splash onto her face.

Warily, with an uneven and rough voice, she murmurs out a joke of her own. He won’t ever be able to remember that one, either, but he laughs just as quietly and genuinely as she did.

After an hour their laughter has transformed into something loud and unending, and it fills up the entire bar with an orange, jovial mood. Other people are talking amongst themselves with more liveliness than they had before, and now Merlin and Guinevere are not the only people smiling in here. Even the scrunched-faced bartender is cracking a grin.

It feels familiar. It feels like he’s been in this situation before - laughing with someone as loudly as possible to chase away their mutual pains, until their desperation turns into sincerity and sincerity into passion.

For one glorious evening, Merlin allows himself to exist in a fantasy world where Gwen isn’t dead, but sitting right next to him. It’s weird and wrong, for sure, but he can’t help pretending that Guinevere Laurent and Guinevere Pendragon are the same person.

The crowd raucously, drunkenly cries out to Guinevere for an encore, begging her to give them another song. She shakes her head and says she’s done for the night, and all her songs are too sad anyway, but the crowd remains insistent.

Merlin nudges her shoulder with his own. “You can do this, Gwen.”

And for some reason, just locking eyes with him is enough for her to acquiesce.

She dusts off her dress and reluctantly shuffles onto the stage once more, and the current performer steps aside to let her have the microphone.

Guinevere discusses something with the people manning the instruments, and after a moment they appear to reach an agreement of some kind.

As the music swells to life, she casts one final glance at Merlin. He nods encouragingly, and she nods back, then closes her eyes and begins.

“Je suis seul ce soir,” she sings in a soulful cadence.

He loses himself in the music, lets the medieval nostalgia consume him like a snake devouring a field mouse - and just as the snake’s venom strikes the mouse, so too does a heartbreaking realization strike Merlin.

He called her Gwen. He referred to Guinevere Laurent as Gwen, his Gwen.

But she’s not. She’s not his Gwen.

His Gwen is dead, and she’s not coming back.

Suddenly, the whole world flares harshly at him. The lights are too modern and bright, the music is too loud and lively, the crowd is too busy and young. And Guinevere Laurent stands on the stage, eyes closed as she sings from the heart.

And it’s not Gwen. It’s not Gwen, it’s not Gwen, it’s not Gwen, and the reminder of this truth is a slap to the face. Gwen didn’t dress like that, didn’t speak that language, didn’t sing in French bars or drink cheap cocktails.

Gwen died. She died in pain, and she died gasping for air, and she died pushing him away in fear because her senile mind could not recall who he was. She died afraid, surrounded by faces and places she didn’t recognize, tearfully asking for a brother who had been dead for decades.

But even despite with all the differences, Guinevere Laurent looks so horribly similar to Gwen, back when she was young and innocent. The similarities, the memories, are enough to shatter whatever shaky pieces of his heart he had managed to cobble together.

Merlin presses a trembling fist to his mouth as tears pierce their way through his eyes, clouding his vision and sapping his body of any resolve it might have had.

He fumbles out of the bar to get away from it all, lest the agony bubble out of him like blood. The cold air stings his cheeks, but the bitterness of it provides a momentary distraction from the memories left behind in the bar.

Determined to find some other hole-in-the-wall at which to drink and forget forget forget, Merlin stumbles away, not even bothering to wipe away the curtain of tears shuttering his face.

But back in the bar, Guinevere Laurent begins to remember things. As the melody holds up her heart, as the fondness that ‘Michon’ had born within her chest lifts her ever higher, flashes of a distant life spark in her mind.

A boy with an impish grin, stuck in the stocks but still shaking her hand. A young man with a colourful scarf, sitting on a hill and braiding flowers into her hair. A friend, back pressed to hers as they both hold swords and fight to defend their kingdom. A companion, holding her wrinkled hands and helping her get up the stairs.

The name whispers into her mind. Merlin.

But as the final notes of Seule Ce Soir rumble to an end, as Guinevere opens her eyes in the hopes of soaking in the rays of her old friend’s presence, she finds no sign of Michon - Merlin - and instead a vacancy in his place.

Thanks for the ask! <3

#long post #i shouldve added a read more line huh #well im too lazy to do it now so we'll just have to suffer through it #merwen #mergwen #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #bbcm #ask #fish post

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takingcourage · 4 years ago

Text

A Sugar Touch

Pairing: Liam x MC

Word Count: 1,350

Summary: The royal newlyweds make up for lost time during a walk through Central Park.

Note: This story was written based on a request from @needalittlerain for the dialogue prompt, “Are you blushing or cold?” It ended up being very self-indulgent (and perhaps a little short! I haven’t had as much time to write this week as I’d imagined), but I hope that it’s enjoyable all the same.

Like so many other things, credit for the title belongs to Shakespeare.

No one on earth would have recognized them. All of their identifying features were obscured, buried deep beneath endless layers of flannel and down.

“If we wanted snow, we could have gone to Lythikos,” Eliza told her husband, taking an exaggerated breath so that she could watch the cottony puff drift away from her lips with the exhale. In spite of her words, she couldn’t help the delighted smile that tugged her cheeks. There was always something magical about being back in New York City.

“We came here for more than snow, my love.”

Eliza warmed at the term of endearment, and she sought his gloved hand at her side. Fingers interlocked, they took several steps to separate themselves from Bastien and Mara. Though they were conscious not to turn any sharp corners or get too far ahead, the distance made their excursion all the more enjoyable.

"We've already accomplished our purpose here," she reminded, thinking of the lengthy meetings they’d sat through that morning. As they took their first step onto the bridge, she tightened her handhold: experience had taught her just how easy it was to lose traction on the icy stones.

Liam's grip pulsed, and she slowed in time to see the slight furrow of his brow before they came to a complete stop at the apex. "That's a very small part of why we came to New York, and it has no bearing at all on the rest of our day."

"Then why are we here?" she asked, finding it impossible not to grin at the eager traces of silver in his eyes.

His own smile soon followed, and he took a moment to collect himself before responding. “To make up for the last time we came -- the time when I couldn't get by with kissing you whenever I wished.”

Distinct, unmistakable heat trailed over Eliza’s shoulders and unspooled low in her belly. "You're serious?"

"Utterly. You don't know the torment of not being able to kiss you freely in this city."

"I do," she admitted with a pang of recognition at past suffering. "And I agree that it's a fitting reason to stay in the city a little while longer." Latching both hands in the collar of his peacoat, she pulled him close enough to feel his heat, still tangible beneath the many layers of fabric. Smile broadening, she brought his soft lips to her own. "How was that? Are you satisfied?"

"Always, but somehow it's never enough. How do you do that to me, Eliza?”

She pressed her lips together, hanging onto the last remnant of their kiss for as long as she could. “Maybe another kiss would help you figure it out.”

Liam’s head lowered conspiratorially, and she caught a glimpse of their bodyguards a respectful distance away. As she stood taller in her boots to meet him, his words tickled her ears and sent a shiver down her spine.

“That was my intent. I have a whole list of sites within the park if you'll indulge me."

His aim shouldn’t have come as a surprise -- she’d lost count of the similar gestures he’d planned out in their time together. Still, the earnest admission was enough to bring a resurgence of the glee that she’d felt just on entering the hallowed ground. "I'll kiss you anywhere.”

He tucked her into his side, close enough for their conversation to go unheeded by passersby. “We’ve kissed in fourteen different countries, did you know that?”

“I didn’t.” As she ticked through the list of places they’d visited, she was struck by how much of an undertaking that record must have been. Since their engagement and subsequent marriage, there had been no lack of kisses.

“Rest assured, we’ll kiss in many, many more. But I think I’ll focus on our current setting first.”

“What's number one on your list?"

“That bridge was, actually,” he admitted with a momentary chuckle. “As usual, you have an uncanny ability to anticipate my desires before I’ve said them.”

“Then what about the second?”

Liam used his free hand to fish a well-worn map from his coat pocket, consulting it for a moment. “We’re nearly there.”

She allowed him to lead the way, biting back her protests that she could guide him through most of the park with her eyes closed. Regardless of her own familiarity, watching him navigate his determined route made it seem novel again -- as if she hadn’t spent the better part of her first autumn in New York using this place to sate her longing for the native trees of home.

They wound their way into an alcove she knew well, startling an unsuspecting pair of lovers away from their hidden bench. Eliza mouthed a sorry as they crept further into the cultivated space, but paid them no further attention.

“I’ve always loved this garden,” she revealed once she and Liam were more or less alone. “I did a lot of coursework here junior year when I didn’t have any Friday classes.” She caught his gaze. “You’re much better company than my books.”

“I should hope so.” He tipped her chin forward with a knuckle, and her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation.

The kiss started slowly, with an almost aching tenderness as his hand slipped beneath her scarf to cup her neck. Though she hated for it to end, she couldn’t help her sigh of contentment when he finally pulled away.

“You have witchcraft in your lips, Eliza," he whispered, eyes still dark with desire.

In spite of her own jumbled thoughts, she managed to hold his gaze. There was the expected glint of humor there, but she could tell that it was underlaid with sincerity. Her cheeks grew hot with realization.

“Are you blushing or cold?”

“Both, probably,” she murmured as the words faded into a breathy giggle before she attempted to offer some explanation for her laughter. "When i was in theater, I used to claim that was one of the smoothest lines in all of Shakespeare. I never dreamed it would be used on me one day -- in his garden, no less!”

“Maybe I should use him on you more often...” Liam contemplated, brushing a smooth line over her eyebrow with his thumb.

“You’re smooth enough without his help,” she promised, finding her compliment interrupted by a tiny white dot that floated toward his cheek. Her brows arched in appreciation.

“More snow,” he deduced, casting a keen eye over their surroundings. “This calls for another kiss.”

“Liam!” But her protest was muffled against his lips.

-----

They whiled away the better part of the frigid afternoon exploring the park’s attractions -- both well-known and forgotten -- and indulging in many kisses -- impulsive as well as planned. The sum total was almost enough for Eliza to feel guilty for subjecting their bodyguards to the display. Almost.

“Is your hot chocolate still warm?”

“Barely,” she admitted, swirling the cup’s contents before she took one final sip. The sun had only started what was sure to be a hasty descent, yet already there was a profound chill settling into the air. “Where are we off to next? Are you going to spirit me away to the cove? My old bar? The Statue of Liberty?” She raised a suggestive brow at the final location.

“Not tonight, though I do have reservations for an early dinner. After that, I thought we might start our journey home. If we make it out in time, we could spend all of tomorrow in Valtoria before anyone even realizes we’re back. I don’t have any obligations until Monday.”

“That’s perfect.” Still clutching her near-empty cup, in one hand, she wound the other around his waist. “I’m always a little sad to leave the city, but I’m ready to be home again.” Passing through the park gates, she took a moment to contemplate just how much the concept of home had shifted for her in the past couple of years.

“We’ll come back,” Liam assured. “I already have another list started for the next time we’re here -- perhaps in the spring?”

#playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #the royal romance #trr #liam rys #liam x mc

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ushiwakaa · 5 years ago

Text

𝐈 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you’re a mangaka who draws from your own experiences to write your stories. your new editor disapproves this method.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: akaashi keiji x reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, hanahaki au

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: suicidal thoughts/ideation, blood, vomit, major character death

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2 k

𝐚/𝐧: this was written for the cheese cult’s hanahaki fic event !! djnfjdngjnjfnjnjngjn this took me so , so , so long to write because every version i wrote ended up hitting the same brick wall of unimaginable angst and believe it or not, this is probably the happiest version. i was supposed to post this two whole as days ago but hey , at least it happened

From over the cover of the fairytale he reads, the young boy boy peers at you with soft sage eyes — checking to see if you’re still awake. You are, but you’re careful to keep your eyes closed, face buried into the blanket.

“The end,” the young boy finishes softly, closing his book.

He gingerly places the book to the side before sliding in next to you under the covers. You can feel his eyes on you for another moment before he takes a deep breath — there’s a secret, a confession, something on the tip of his tongue.

You never hear it.

You wake up with a start, a cough half-way up your throat. You cough and cough and cough until the first bud breaks air, tickling the back of your throat. You reach your fingers into your mouth and pull.

Bitterly, you stare at the withering bouquet in your hands.

The flowers are wet with your saliva — only a hint of blood coating the white of the petals.

When you went to the doctor about it, she said you were lucky. She said that your flowers were so small, you could go your entire life with an unrequited love and they would leave your respiratory system alone. She also added, no doctor in their right mind would perform a removal surgery on a person who was more likely to die on the table, then by their illness.

While cultivating roses would be painful, at least it would be a quick death.

Like every other day, you toss out the pathetic string of baby’s breath in the garbage bin as you head into the washroom to wash out your mouth.

You get off of the train at a quarter to ten — thankfully on time for your meeting.

Kaori gives a friendly smile when you enter her office. Even behind her desk, you can see her burgeoning belly. Despite pushing eight months into her pregnancy, she beams. In her smile, she wears the name brand brightness that they all share — the people with a requited love, that is. The lucky ones whose flowers weren’t fed with misery and tears.

You try your best not to resent her but your jealousy bleeds when you sit in the glossy, apple green chair.

“How are you?” Kaori asks, her gentle eyes watching you.

You give a vague shrug, a small smile. “Sad that this is it.”

She’s pleased by this answer, giving a laugh. It reminds you of blue bells rustling in the wind. “I’ll be back and ready to work on your next series before you know it.”

You give an empty chuckle.

There’s a knock at the door and you both look. A man stands in the doorway — staring at Kaori dryly. His plain neutrals are out of place in her bright office but her brightness doesn’t flicker as she waves him in. You play with the sleeve of your severely drab cotton blouse as you wonder if that’s how you look here.

“Akaashi! Glad you could make it.”

He gives a slight bow to Kaori first, then you. You stop fiddling with your sleeve and return the bow while seated. He takes a seat in the chair opposite to you (Kaori dubbed it the pineapple throne after its piss yellow hue). He’s too tall for it. It’s almost comical. You might write that in for one of your characters.

“(Y/N), this is Akaashi Keiji. Akaashi, this is (L/N) (Y/N).” She turns to you. “He will be taking over as your editor for the last volume while I’m on maternity leave.”

You look over at him — “Akaashi… Keiji?”

At an arm's length, you can see the gentle slope of his nose and the delicate curl of the eyelashes that frame the muted green of his eyes. There’s something that’s strangely familiar about him but you can’t put your finger on it. You know him. You don’t know how, but you do.

“I look forward to working with you.”

You smile, but at the back of your throat, you can feel a familiar itch beginning to grow.

Despite the connection your body draws to him, Akaashi doesn’t show any recognition in return.

He taps his pen lightly on the paper. “What’s going on here? What’s your plan for this girl?”

You peer over the desk to look at the character on trial — the panel shows the short haired girl spewing forget-me-nots into the trash bin. Immediately, you frown. It’s annoying that he doesn’t know her name. She is literally one of three main characters.

“Konoka?” You settle back into your seat. “She’s going to die.”

He looks up at you. “I gathered that much, but why?”

If the robot says it, it really must not make sense but then again, you doubt he even understood the nuances of the series if he couldn’t even remember Konoka’s name. “Because she has Hanahaki Disease.”

“Okay, but —” if you hadn’t been growing annoyed by his flat tone, you might’ve swooned at the softness, “forget-me-nots are small. She couldn’t possibly die of Hanahaki.”

“That’s why she kills herself.”

He’s silent for a moment, calculating his next words. “...You realize that she’s one of your most beloved characters, right? Your readers don’t want to see her die like that.”

“This is the trajectory the story has been on since she and Tanaka met again.” Your tone is more charged than you intend, but you can’t help but defend Konoka’s decision fiercely. “She has to commit suicide. It’s the only way she can move on.”

“Yes, but Kanoka—”

Pointedly, you cut him off, “Thank you for your opinion but I refuse to compromise on that.”

He purses his lips. “I sincerely ask you to reconsider.”

“I will not compromise my artistic integrity for your comfort.”

“Killing characters off isn’t profound. It isn’t always necessary.”

“In this case, it is.” Your cheeks burn red as you stand up for yourself — this fight is on a personal level. “I’m not killing her for shock value. I’m killing her because every night, Konoka dreams about Tanaka, and everyday, she wakes up and throws up flowers because she knows he doesn’t love her back. I’m killing her because there’s no one else for her. I’m killing her because the flowers won’t and that — that’s more painful.”

The silence in the aftermath of your rant is deafening. He says nothing to you for another moment, staring into the smoulder of your eyes with a calculating stare. It might be a mistake to appeal to the emotional aspect of it — after all, you sort of doubt he has any at this point — but, at the root of it, that’s what it is: an emotional problem.

“Fine,” he says. “You still have to redo this panel, though.”

Your mouth burns with a minty tang as you walk back into your room — drawn over by the buzzing sound of your ringer. Looking at the caller I.D., you have half a mind to throw it across the room and get back under the covers.

But, with all the professionalism you can muster at nine in the morning, you say, “Hello?”

“Are you finished with the second draft?” Akaashi’s flat drawl reverbs through the speaker.

You resist the urge to sigh. “Yes.”

“Can you come by the office to drop it off?”

“Today?” You scratch absently at your collarbone. “Uh… I can swing by tomorrow, but if you really need it today — you can pick it up from my apartment?”

There’s silence on the other line — likely weighing the pros and cons. In the weeks you’ve worked under him, you’ve noticed that he does nothing without proper evaluation.

“Is three o’clock alright?”

You’re in the middle of vacuuming when a knock at the door interrupts you. While you’re expecting it, you’re not any less annoyed. You open the door with a tight smile, manuscript already in hand. Akaashi gives a monotone greeting in his monotone clothes with his monotone face.

“Hello. May I use your washroom?”

You give a sigh as you open the door wider. “The door on the left.”

He enters your apartment, neatly putting his shoes by the door. You toss the manuscript back on the counter. You meant to send him on his way, but, because he’s already here, you put on a kettle to boil.

“I sincerely hope you reconsider your plans.”

You turn around at the comment, looking at your editor with a raised brow. “I’m still killing Konoka.”

He’s a different person when you look at him. For once, there’s something behind his eyes — a sharpness to his gaze. That feeling returns — the one that sees flowers tickling at your trachea.

Gravely, he repeats. “I sincerely hope you reconsider your plans.”

He must’ve seen your garbage bin. You feel ready to throw something else up now.

“Tell me about them,” Akaashi says.

“About who?”

“Whoever it is you’re willing to die for.”

“I…” You feel faint as you rub at your clavicle. “I don’t think you want to hear this.”

“That’s why I asked, isn’t it?”

So you do.

You swallow your pride as you tell him about the little boy you once knew. You tell him about the summer you didn’t leave each other’s side and how one day, while you were camping, you woke up next to him and he was coughing petals and buds and thorns. When his parents took him to the hospital, he never came back and you didn’t get to ask any questions before they moved away.

You tell him that you started dying that day. That the doctors told your parents that the surgery was too risky for your age. That when you came back a few years later, they told you that it was still too risky when the chances of your death were slim. Some days are better than most, you tell him, but because you never stop thinking about him, you’ll never get better.

It’s the same story that you are writing.

Akaashi looks at you for a solemn moment, watching you with incredible disbelief. He’s going to call you an over-dramatic idiot for wanting to die over a childhood crush. If it wasn’t your reality, you’d agree with him too. What a stupid reason to die.

But then, he coughs. When he moves his hands from his mouth, both your stomachs drop while you stare in horror at the soft petal, sopping wet with his blood.

His eyes widen the same time yours do. Immediately, the phone is in your hand, calling an ambulance.

He thinks he’s dying.

This feeling now, and the feeling from back then... They’re one in the same.

That night, you fell asleep facing him. Your button nose and dark lashes were illuminated by the glow created by his flashlight. It wasn’t until he peered over the cover of the book, he realized that you were knocked out cold.

“You’re so pretty,” he wanted to say.

Instead, a coughing fit seized him, which woke you in turn. He’d been complaining about a dry throat recently, so you disappeared to get him a water from the coolers outside of the tent.

When you came back, the sleeping bag was littered with bloodied petals. The chilled bottle hit the floor as you gave a blood-curdling scream.

This time, when Akaashi wakes up in the hospital, he’s already coughing. In rapid succession, four blood-soaked petals of varying sizes, the round bud they were plucked from, and two thorns spew from his mouth. He looks at you, startled, more emotion than you’ve ever seen him exhibit.

Your eyes are red rimmed and swollen.

Gently, you pick up the debris littering his lap and toss it into the garbage beside you. The thorns fall through the maze of baby’s breath you had also coughed up and hit the bottom of the bin with a dull thud.

"Keiji?” you sniffle, your voice soft. “How do you feel?”

“Not good,” he answers. Akaashi chuckles but you can see the blood dribble from his mouth. You wipe at his chapped lips with a tissue.

“The doctor said to call him when you woke up. Let me just —” You feel dizzy as you stand, maybe a touch overwhelmed. “I’m going to go get him.”

There’s a minuscule tug at your hand. When you look down at Akaashi, he’s watching you. His eyes are still a faint shade of green, but there’s a new shine behind them.

“Can I tell you something first?” You hesitate for a second. Then, you nod. “I hope you reconsider your decision.” In the chaos of the past few hours, you had forgotten the matter that brought you here. “I want Konoka to choose herself over Tanaka. Even if she coughs up flowers everyday... I want her to live.”

You take Akaashi’s hand — large, smooth, and cold — in yours. “I can do that.”

“I know that it hurts, but she needs to know that means she’s alive.” You squeeze lightly as his words resonate within you. “I haven’t felt pain in a decade. But, that means I haven’t felt anything. Right now?” He gives you a small smile. “I’m more alive than I’ve ever been.”

Gently letting go of him, you say, “I’ll get you the doctor.”

You wince when he coughs again — loud and wet. A confession in this final hour won’t do anything. The withered flowers have to come out somehow.

Still, “I love you,” you try.

He smiles weakly back at you. “I love you too.”

𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @akaashichigo @drainedjaz @haikkeiji @annalyn-annalyn @mlkytobio @sosugasweet @cali-writes-sometimes @simping4ratsumu @shishinoya @from-left-to-write @akaashit-baeji @kxgeyamasmilk @agaassi @hanibuni @cupofkenma @kawanisshi @milk-n-writings @thiccbokuto @shinsukestan @sufiawrites @wakaitoshi @skyguy-peach @fern-writes-ig @briswriting @kawaiikraykray @bubbleteaa @miyuswriting @raevaioli @ouikarwa @hakueishirei @pineapplekween @estherwritess @keiji-n @achoohq @badlywritten-hq @mochibeaa @oinkanna @chxrry-wxne @spudicide @airybby @asranomical @karmasuna

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x you #haikyuu fanfiction #cheesecultficevent #hanahacheese #akaashi keiji #tw suicidal thought #tw suicidal ideation #tw major character death #tw blood #tw vomit #writing

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omg-imagine · 5 years ago

Text

⊱ Forget Me Not (8/15) ⊰

Pairing: Keanu Reeves x Reader

Summary: After you wake up from a coma and realize that your memories from the last five years have been erased, Keanu works to bring back what you have lost.

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Angst

A/N: I kept thinking this would be a short chapter but then BAM! words ahaha. Once again, thank you for the feedback! It truly means the world to me. I hope you enjoy!

Part 7

Since the spontaneous beach date in Santa Monica, time seemed to blend seamlessly from one day to the next. Nearly three, blissful weeks had flown by in a blink of an eye, and your relationship with Keanu blossomed like a fresh flower in the spring. The connection had grown more profound when the two of you crossed the line between friendship and romance, the sweet kiss on the sandy shores being the final push you needed.

The days that followed felt something akin to the beginning of the honeymoon phase in a relationship. Your parents had been right; Keanu was a good man who loved you very much. Each day he was winning over your heart more and more. He treated you like a queen with a tender adoration, unlike no other. He made you feel things you didn't believe anymore, pulling you away from the past you've known and despised, and replacing it with moments much better.

Keanu had made it his mission to bring you to all of the favorite places you used to go together. He took you to a fancy restaurant up in the hills, an art gallery you spent hours at, and most recently, a botanical garden where you found out about your newest affinity for flowers. Everywhere you went, Keanu shared with you cute little anecdotes from the last time you visited, adding more stories to cherish in your heart forever.

Along with that, you were also unable to keep your hands off of each other. Touches seemed to linger a little longer, and holding hands while out in public became the norm. You realized how much you were addicted to kissing Keanu, and how your heart would melt with every adoring look he gave after pulling away.

Sometimes, you would steal a kiss from Keanu when he least expected it. He would be in the midst of telling you about his day at the Arch office when suddenly, you would lean in and kiss the living daylights out of him. After a moment of surprise, he would quickly kiss you back, his lips perfectly melding with yours as he held you close. You didn't know of another man who could kiss you breathlessly like Keanu, and deep inside, you didn't want to.

You only wanted him.

Though the two of you had gotten closer over the last few weeks, you didn't miss the slight sadness hiding behind his eyes. Whenever you tried to get Keanu to open up about his feelings, he was often reluctant to do so, answering with short, vague responses that barely skimmed the surface. Something was clearly troubling him, and it was a bit worrisome that he couldn't tell you why.

But you still trusted him. Perhaps it was quite naive of you to believe that he has done nothing wrong, but he never gave you a reason not to. Your best guess was that he continued to blame himself for your accident. There could have been a quarrel that night, causing you to leave the house, which wasn't unusual for you to do so. After all, you did have a bad temper, and a bad temper was typically followed by impulsive decisions, usually unfortunate ones.

Such as driving in the dark, in the middle of a nasty storm.

And if you were correct, then Keanu shouldn't feel guilty about what had happened, and he needed to understand that.

"Y/N?"

A gentle voice spoke your name, and you glanced up, seeing Harry, the receptionist at the office. Your doctor had cleared you to return to work earlier that week, and you were excited to finally have something to do rather than stay at home all day. You weren't sure what exactly your job entailed, but being that it's related to one of your passions, you couldn't wait to get started.

"Hey, Harry," you smiled as you stood up from your seat, smoothing out the wrinkles from your blouse.

"Nicholas is ready for you in his office," the older gentleman informed you. "It really is great seeing you again here. Everyone was so worried when we got word of your accident and the amnesia. I almost didn't believe it until you walked in here and didn't recognize me right away. But all that matters is that you're fine now, and you're back."

"Thank you. I appreciate the card you sent me while I was in the hospital. It was lovely of you to do that."

"Of course, honey. You and I were inseparable, and I wish you could remember the shenanigans we've done here."

"Me too," you added. "Don't worry, one day we'll get lunch together and catch up."

"I can't wait." Harry beamed brightly, leading the way to Nicholas' office.

Stopping in the hallway just several feet from your boss' door, Harry turned around to face you. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," you answered, sensing the slight jitters in your body.

"Don't worry, Nick is a nice guy. You're going to love him," Harry responded before approaching the office and knocking lightly on the wooden door. "Sir, she's here."

Seconds later, the door swung open, revealing a tall man with a bright smile, joy and relief emanating from his face as his eyes settled on you. He was younger than you had expected him to be, more charming and good-looking, too. You felt Harry softly squeeze your shoulder before walking away, leaving you alone with Nicholas.

"I can't believe that you're back," he said, stepping to the side and allowing you to enter his office. "When Harry mentioned that you were coming to visit today, I was ecstatic. We've missed you around here. Well, mostly me because I thought I had lost the best assistant I've had."

Sitting down in front of his desk, you studied the walls around the room. It was decorated with what you assumed were his best works, as well as the plaques, certificates, and awards he had received for his talent. According to Molly, Nicholas was very well-known in the industry, and you were lucky to have worked alongside him.

"Impressive, huh?" You heard him say, and you shifted your gaze forward. "It took years of hard work and dedication. Not impossible as some people may think."

"I didn't pursue a career in this at first because that's exactly what I had thought—it was impossible."

Nicholas nodded. "That wasn't your mindset any more after you started working with me. You have the talent and tenacity. I could see you owning a successful business one day."

"Really?" You smiled at him.

"Surely," he replied, sliding a portfolio towards you. "Here, these are your most recent works. Back in January, we were doing this big fashion shoot in Prague. Soon after it was over, we went to Paris and then Milan. Your gift really shone at that time, and I'm very proud of how far you've come."

Flipping through the photographs, you couldn't believe that this what you were now doing for a living. It certainly was a step up from those boring 9 to 5 jobs you used to have.

"We actually have another project for a client coming up soon. It'll be a week in Japan, and I was hoping that you'll be well enough to come."

"That sounds amazing, and it would be an honor," you began, closing the portfolio and handing it back to Nicholas. "But I'm not sure if it’s the best idea to do so soon. I don't think I'm as good now than I was before the crash."

"Nonsense," Nicholas chuckled. "You are a natural, and I've known that since the very first day you walked in here. I'll tell you what, just think about it and get back to me in a week or two. I would really love to have you back on our team again."

"Okay," you nodded your head, accepting his suggestion. "I'll think about it and let you know if my decision changes."

"Good," he grinned, giving you two thumbs up before getting up from his seat. "Now, let me show you around and re-introduce you to everyone else. I'm sure they're all excited to see you."

---

You were practically skipping out of the building at the end of the day, overwhelmed with excitement knowing that you would be officially back to work next Monday. Although you wouldn't be doing everything you were usually responsible for, Nicholas was willing to use the time you're there to train you again.

As you walked to the quiet parking lot across the street, you heard the clicking of a camera shutter, a sound that was unmistakable in your ears. There was a sudden flash of bright light, followed by another click, whirr, and repeat. It was coming from behind you, you could tell, and your feet began picking up the pace. You could already spot Keanu's car which you had borrowed parked at the very end of the lot, and you quickly searched for the keys inside your purse.

"Damn it," you muttered when you stumbled, dropping your bag and its contents all over the concrete.

Your heart thumped wildly in your chest as you caught a glimpse of the stranger approaching you. It wasn't that you were scared that he might hurt you. You had become somewhat used to the presence of paparazzi whenever you and Keanu were out and about. But this was the first time that you were alone, cornered by one, and you didn't know what to expect.

"Here, let me help you, Y/N," the man's deep voice sounded as he crouched right beside you, a camera ready in his hand.

"No, it's fine," you gruffly spoke, grabbing your belongings and tossing them back into the purse as fast as you could. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Hey, there's no need to be worried," he assured. Though he wasn't menacing, you could tell that trouble lay ahead the more he spoke to you. "I only want to talk, that's all."

Finally, you stood up and swung your purse over your shoulder, walking briskly towards your vehicle. "No, I don't want to talk to you."

"Listen, Y/N, I'm running a story here about you and your boyfriend Keanu," the man trailed closely behind you. Merely a few steps more, you thought to yourself, and you would escape his bold intrusiveness. "There's been reports of your break-up before the accident—"

"Break-up?" you halted for a brief second, the mention of it catching you off-guard. Turning your head, you looked at the man in the eye. "You must be mistaken."

You didn't know why you were still talking to him. What you should be doing was getting inside the car and driving back home.

Back to Keanu.

But your mind couldn't shake away the strange feeling unexpectedly washing over you. You drew in a shallow breath, unable to ignore a certain uneasiness. You dared not to ask anything further, afraid that the man's answer would be nothing but hearsay. Yet, you remained intrigued, not fully understanding why. It sounded familiar as if it wasn't the first time you had heard it.

"Yeah, break-up," the man carefully nodded. "The two of you hadn’t been seen together in months. There were reports of tension between you and Keanu for a while. Surely this rings a bell, yes?"

You stayed silent. According to Keanu, no one outside your family and a select number of friends knew about your amnesia. His team hasn't caught wind of any article mentioning your current condition either, and you wanted to keep it that way.

"I-I have to go," you stammered out before promptly opening the driver's side door and sliding inside.

From the rearview mirror, you could see the man taking more pictures of you, even as you pulled out of the parking space. You drove away from the building and further down the street, turning into a convenience store lot once you were sure that you had gotten far enough. Putting the car in park, you sat there for a moment, hands still gripping the wheel as doubt gnawed at your guts.

The quiet purr of the engine filled the empty air, offering itself as a fleeting distraction from the hurricane of thoughts swirling inside your head. You didn't want to believe what some stranger had said to you, but you couldn't easily brush it off. It perturbed you, causing you to second guess everything you know, what Keanu has told you.

The perfect relationship you had painted— the one deeply ingrained in your mind for some time— was now falling apart. It crumbled down the more you tried to fit the pieces of the puzzle, your heart both seeking and fearing the truth. You had always ignored the possibility that Keanu could have been lying to you, pushing the idea of it away because you wanted to hold onto the happiness.

But perhaps you were indeed that naive after all.

---

Keanu flipped back to the first page of the script he had finished reading, thoroughly enjoying the plot and the storyline of the character he was being asked to play. He could see himself accepting the role and working on the movie scheduled to shoot early next year. The only thing holding him back once again was you.

Things between him and you were going great, to say the least. It felt like everything was back to normal. The kind of normal which Keanu had missed so dearly and at one point, thought that the two of you would never get to experience again. This entire journey of showing you the memories that you've lost was also reminding him of what was special about you. It reminded him of why he fell in love with you, something he had forgotten before the accident.

You would be coming home anytime soon, so Keanu decided to simply wait and discuss with you about the upcoming project. As he sat there on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through the hundreds of emails on his phone, another text came in from Molly, and he heaved out a sigh. Opening the notification, he then read the words on the screen, realizing that it was the same question she has been asking him for weeks.

Have you told her yet?

No, Keanu typed out and quickly hit send.

When will you? It's been weeks, Keanu. She deserves to know the truth.

Ignoring Molly's response, he deleted the messages and set his cell down on the coffee table. Keanu was lucky that she had not mentioned anything about it yet to you despite how often you and Molly were talking now. He knew it would only be a matter of time before she told you, however, either on purpose or a slip of the tongue. Keanu should be grateful that Molly was giving him the chance to confess to you himself instead of hearing it from someone else.

As if it fared any better the last time.

Keanu was mulling over his predicament when he heard the car pulling into the driveway. Quickly, he got up and headed to the front door, ready to greet you and ask you how your day went. But when he stepped outside and saw the crestfallen look on your face, the smile he had on faltered, withering away as he hurriedly met you halfway.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Keanu probed, bringing his hands up to hold the sides of your face. You didn't even glance up as you pushed him away, silently walking past him. You almost made it to the door when you paused, your body tense as it slowly spun around to face him.

"Ke," you said his name in a whisper, your teary gaze meeting his own. You opened your mouth again to speak, but no other words would come out. Keanu waited as you attempted to collect yourself, but your chest continued to rise and fall with rapid breaths. "I-I can't… There are just too many thoughts in my head. I-I feel so scattered."

Exhaling deeply, Keanu recognized it almost immediately. You were clearly overwhelmed, and he knew a way to calm you down. Closing in the distance between you and him, he placed a palm on your cheek, urging you to look at his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"I-I don't know," you stuttered lowly, much to Keanu's shock. "I don't know what to think anymore."

"Then let me help," he spoke softly. His hand moved down to grasp yours, tugging it slightly as he began heading towards the garage, encouraging you to follow.

Punching in the code, the door opened slowly, revealing his array of motorcycles inside. Keanu led you to his most treasured bike, his sleek and elegant black Norton Commando which had become your favorite one to ride with him. He caught the hesitation etched in your features, so he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I need you to trust me right now, can you do that?"

You shrugged, eyes remaining downcast. "What are we doing?"

"We're going for a ride," Keanu answered before swiftly retrieving two helmets and the keys by the back wall. "Here, put this on while I wheel the bike out."

Moments later, Keanu was on the motorcycle with you sitting behind him. Your arms were tightly wrapped around his waist, afraid of losing balance. The bike idled underneath as he glanced over his shoulder, seeing you looking back at him.

"Don't worry, just relax and hold on," he said over the rumbling sound of the engine running.

Pushing the kickstand up, Keanu twisted the handlebars and smoothly pulled out of the driveway and onto the quiet street. Usually, he would have gone at a faster speed but decided to drive a mile or two under the posted limit. He wanted you to get used to the feeling of riding a bike again, which he hoped was currently working.

He felt you leaning in close, your chest resting on his back as he carefully navigated up and down the winding roads. The cool nighttime breeze blew gently into Keanu's face, but all he could focus on besides the path ahead was the heat radiating from you. A familiar warmth spread throughout his body as you clung on to him.

Yet another thing he has missed.

Reaching a red light, Keanu placed a foot down to steady the bike, waiting for the signal to change. He then looked back at you, noticing how your eyes had softened and the small smile on your lips. "Are you okay?"

You gave him a nod. "Yeah. I actually quite like this."

Keanu removed a hand from the handlebar and placed it above the one splayed on his abdomen. He intertwined his fingers with yours, allowing the simple touch to bring you comfort and reassurance. Eventually, the light turned green, and he started to drive again, the destination in mind just another mile up ahead.

Slowing down as he reached a bend, he brought the bike to a stop along the side of the road and shut off the ignition. Keanu slid his helmet off, brushing his messy locks back as you did the same.

"Is this…" you trailed off, seeing the bright lights of Los Angeles in the distance, the scenic view in front of you nearly taking your breath away. "This is the overlook from that picture back at the house."

Keanu smiled as he took your hand and began strolling through the grassy hill, bringing you closer to the edge. The sky was like a dark, infinite canvas with millions of twinkling stars painted upon it. They shone brilliantly in your eyes that were filled with wonder and awe. He led you to a wooden bench, gesturing for you to sit before taking the space next to you.

There was silence, and as much as Keanu wanted to break it, he let you bask in it for now. The overlook was a special place for both of you, not only because it was where he kissed you for the first time. It was the place you went to when life got too stressful, and you needed peace. It was a place for you to get away for a little while just to think.

"When I left the office, something happened," you revealed, your attention still on the skyline. "A guy approached me, one of those paparazzi, and he said we broke up before the crash."

Keanu's breath stalled as your glossy gaze slowly shifted to him.

"I know I shouldn't be paying them any attention or believe a word that they say," you sighed. "But it stuck to me and left me wondering if there's any truth to it."

This was it. It was Keanu's time to finally come clean. This was his opportunity to tell you what truly happened that night and the months leading up to it. As he sat there staring into your pleading eyes, he could already sense the hurt in them, and Keanu knew he would only be adding more.

"We didn't break up," he said tautly, his voice thick. "But for a while, we were in a bad place in our relationship."

"A bad place?" You repeated shakily. "What happened?"

Keanu licked his dry lips, his eyes flickering down in shame. "We were fighting a lot. I was doing a movie out of town, and the distance made it worse. I'd promise that I'd be home to spend time with you but never followed through. When I did come back, I let out all of my stress on you and pushed you away whenever you tried to get close. You were growing tired of it—of me. Meanwhile, I just ignored it."

Truth.

"The night of your accident, we got into a huge argument. I had said so many hurtful things to you that I still can't believe those words came out of my mouth," he continued, running a hand over his face.

Half-truth.

Keanu still couldn't force himself to admit it, the real truth. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't say it. It was already difficult for him to tell you pieces of the story. The memories of you and him screaming at each other and hurling insults broke his heart all over again.

If there was one thing Keanu had learned that night, it was that he couldn't lose you. He has gone through tragedy after tragedy for years, and he didn't want you to be another one of his devastating losses. He believed that he'd make up for his mistakes later on and prove to you how much he regretted making them.

Prove to you that he still loved you despite what he had told you before you stormed out of the house.

"Y/N?" He murmured, his hand coming to rest on your thigh, gently shaking you out of your daze. "Please, say something."

You blinked at him as you placed your hand on top of his. "We all make mistakes, Keanu."

"I know, and I didn't want to tell you because I was scared."

You knitted your brows. "Scared of what?"

"That you'd leave me. I was scared that if I told you that we were at the end of our ropes, you wouldn't stay. But I need you, Y/N. I love you, and I can't see myself spending a day without you."

"I don't like lies, Keanu." Shaking your head, you cupped the side of Keanu's face, the pad of your thumb brushing against the prickly scruff along his jaw. "You should have told me this earlier."

A single tear streaked down his cheek, and you wiped it away. "I know."

“But is that all?”

Swallowing thickly, Keanu nodded once.

Lie.

“Okay, I believe you.”

He exhaled a long breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep that from you.”

"You don't have to be perfect, Ke, because no one on this earth is. I might not remember how I felt back then, but all that matters is what I'm feeling now."

"And that is?"

You smiled softly at him before nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. "I feel like I'm falling in love with you."

With his free hand, Keanu tilted your chin up so that your eyes could meet. Though there was less weight on his shoulders now, he had yet to share with you one last important detail of the story. He's now caught in a battle between telling you to clear his conscience or let the secret be forgotten but risk dealing with the consequences if you end up finding out on your own.

But when you leaned up to his face, your soft lips sweetly molding to his, Keanu saved the fight with himself for another time. Because god forbid you do uncover the truth and leave, he wanted to at least savor every moment he has left with you.

Part 9

Tags: @penwieldingdreamer @fanficsrusz @toomanystoriessolittletime @awessomness @meetmeinthematinee @ringa-starr @ficsnroses @iworshipkeanureeves @keandrews @greenmanalishi @feminine-machinegun @thehumanistsdiary @lussdew @rdjloverxxx @flaminasteroid @danceoftwowolves @allie1804-fan

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves x you #my fics #reader insert #rpf

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is0gild · 4 years ago

Text

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Bonus Chapter 7

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 20,116

Chapter Rating: PG-13...ish! Me being the very easily flustered writer that I am, I can tell you right now that no OVERLY graphic sexy things happen and there is a fade to black at the end, so it is all still fairly tame. But still, there is a lotta sexy innuendo and talk of sexy, ahem… ITEMS. Just wanted to drop a heads up since the rest of my story up to this point has been fairly PG for the most part, so didn’t want to blind side anyone!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

"Baby, all I want for Christmas is you."

Rayne stumbled a bit as she pushed the double stroller along, blowing out an amused little pft through her teeth. "Please, please tell me he did not actually say that!"

I sighed, hanging my head as I kept stride next to her, "He did. When I asked him for gift ideas, those were his exact words."

Anna erupted into laughter beside me, gripping my arm for support. "Dear lord, have I ever mentioned what a friggin' cliché, cheesy cornball your man is?"

"Not to mention no help at all," I grumbled, crossing my arms. "This is like Lea's birthday all over again. I mean, I know the stuff he likes, but honestly... what do you get for the man that buys everything and anything he wants for himself the second he sees it?"

"Don't worry, pumpkin," Rayne reached over to pat a comforting hand to my shoulder. "We wander around here long enough, something's sure to jump out at us eventually!"

"I hope so," I grimaced, not feeling so confident myself as we pressed onward through the crowded mall. I'd just gotten off my morning shift at the Ice Palace not too long ago and was still in my uniform minus the hat. It seemed I wasn't the only one who had to do some last minute holiday shopping, for that was the exact reason my sister and best friend had met up with me here as soon as I'd clocked out. With Christmas only a week away however, Dusk Town Center was understandably packed nearly to bursting. Merchandise was all but flying off the shelves in every store. Even if by some miracle I did manage to find the perfect gift here today, with my luck it'd probably be completely out of stock and backordered for months.

Gah, I shouldn't have kept putting this off for so long! But I had been racking my brain for weeks now for what to get him and had come up with zilch. Still had zilch. Ugh…

Last-minute-panicked-impulse-shopping don't fail me now!

Anna suddenly gasped and stopped walking. I took a few more steps before I slowed as well, glancing back at her with one eyebrow quirked. Her eyes weren't focused on me however as a slow grin spread across her face. "...what if we took Lea's words literally?"

Rayne and I exchanged a quick look. She shrugged, seemingly just as in the dark as I was. As mall traffic kept flowing unperturbed around us, my gaze settled on Anna once more and I snorted with a shake of my head, "What, you mean just put me under the tree gift-wrapped with a bow for Christmas morning?"

"Something like that, Sis," she giggled, suddenly latching on to my arm once more but now with a surprisingly strong grip.

Uh-oh… that impish gleam in her eye was making me nervous...

"Oh-ho, I see where she's going with this," Rayne sniggered before shifting the stroller over to be in front of me instead. "Here, take this." I blinked, my fingers automatically closing around the handlebar. Then she had seized hold of my other arm.

Oh gosh, her devilish little smirk was making me really, really nervous…

The ladies nodded at each other in unison in some unspoken agreement then without warning took off sprinting. I gasped and tripped over my own two feet, but managed to stay up right as I was dragged along with them. The sea of people parted for the stroller bearing two laughing infants like they were a friggin' pair of tiny Moses and we had zero trouble getting through, making a beeline straight for-

My eyes widened, "Oh no."

"Oh yes!" Anna cackled, tightening her hold on my arm.

I futilely dug my heels in, trying to put on the brakes. "No, no, no!"

"Yes, yes, yes!" Rayne answered in glee.

There was no use fighting it. This was happening. Like it or not, I had no choice but to charge headlong into a little shop known as…

...Esmeralda's Secrets.

I had just been forcibly manhandled into literal Underwear Hell. Everywhere as far as the eye could see, things were lacy… things were silky…

...things were fluffy.

Egads, the horror. The fluffy, fluffy, neon pink, leopard-printed utter horror.

I squeaked, squeezing my eyes closed and burying my face into my hands. I was almost surprised my palms didn't burn from how badly my cheeks were roasting.

I heard a chuckle from Rayne as I felt her trying to gently pry my fingers away from my eyes. "Don't play coy, sweetie, we're all grown-ups here! You act like you've never been in an adult happy fun-time store to buy some lingerie before!"

"Maybe because I haven't!" I dropped my hands to fix her with a hard stare. Instead, the recipient of my said stare turned out to be a mannequin in something skimpy, leathery and with far too many buckles. "Oh dear," I muttered, somehow managing to blush even harder as I looked away and held a hand up to block my line of sight to it.

"Really, Sis? You've never been in one of these places? Not ever, not even once?" Anna snerked, shaking her head. The sheer disbelief coloring her voice led me to believe that she had been in this type of store before. This was not a realization I was comfortable with. "But you're so…" she whistled, winking one eye shut as her hands traced an hour-glass figure in the air before me. "...and Lea's so…" now she trilled her tongue against the roof of her mouth, eyebrows bouncing as she mimed pouncing with curled, wriggling fingers. "...ya know what I mean?"

...was it sad that I did in fact know exactly what she meant?

Scrunching my eyes shut as I pressed my fingers between my eyebrows, I puffed out a low sigh. Then, rather awkwardly (scratch that... very, very awkwardly), I explained, "...while it's… true that we're quite, er… active in that, hrm… department… we, uh… r-rather, that is to say, lingerie is a particular… bedroom... adventure we've yet to have as of, um… as of yet."

I couldn't believe this was actually a conversation I was having with my baby sister.

She brightened. "Well then thank your lucky stars cuz I've just handed you the perfect Christmas present on a silver platter! You're welcome!"

I tipped my head to one side with a dubious frown. "...really?" Plucking a hanger bearing an intricate, ruffled bra from a nearby rack, I wrinkled my nose at it before putting it back. "Doesn't seem like it'd be the most meaningful, heartfelt gift…"

"Please!" Rayne batted a hand through the air with a snort. "It's not like it's an anniversary or anything, it's Christmas - a consumer holiday glorified by the big corporations to weasel as much munny as they can outta us! Not every gift has to be thoughtful and profound, you're allowed to just have a lil fun with it sometimes!"

"Still… I don't know…" I said slowly as my gaze wandered against my will towards a nearby case filled with… ah, hm… shall we say, recreational items? I quickly averted my eyes.

"How 'bout we just peruse a bit, 'kay? No harm in that!" Rayne grinned as she steered the stroller further into the store.

"Yeah, Sis, just let us peruse!" Anna beamed as she linked her arm in mine once more and tugged me into a stumbling walk.

I pressed my lips together into a thin line and said nothing as I let her guide me along. I mean, did I even have a choice? Really? Maybe the sooner I stopped arguing, the sooner we could get this whole embarrassing ordeal over with and leave.

As I let my eyes idly drift from one frilly garment to the next, I did have to begrudgingly concede that Anna and Rayne might actually be onto something here with the lingerie idea. Don't get me wrong, Lea had never made me feel pressured to, er… "dress up" for the occasion or anything like that. It was never even really a conversation we'd ever had, so honestly it wasn't something I'd particularly given much thought to before this very moment. That said, I could hardly see him being exactly opposed to the idea either. Far from it, in fact…

Thus why it might just make the perfect Christmas surprise.

Anna abruptly pulled us to an unexpected stop in front of another customer, drooping her eyelids at the individual as she informed him, "You know that'd be more of a Christmas gift for you than for her, right?"

The gentleman in question paled, choking back a startled, "Huh?" and looking rather guilty as he stood there with the sheer, sparkly spaghetti-strapped thong dangling from his fingers that'd he'd been mulling over.

Rayne stepped up beside us, parking her stroller with it aimed directly at the guy as she deadpanned, "For shame! My babies judge you!"

He blinked, glancing down at the infants. Cayde and Aria squealed and burbled back. Turning bright red and dropping the underwear, he made a hasty retreat out of the shop.

"Haha, yes! That was too fun, Ray-Ray!" Anna snickered, giving her a high five. As I pinched the bridge of my nose with a tiny shake of my head, Anna asked, "What?"

I grumbled, "Being in a lingerie store by myself would be mortifying enough, but it's just now dawning on me how utterly ridiculous it is that I'm in here with my sister and a mom who brought her two babies."

"Psh, they're fine with it," Rayne brushed off, redirecting her gaze to someone nearby who seemed to work here. "Excuse me, Miss, you're fine with my tots being here, right?"

The woman turned to face us with a warm smile. She had long, wavy raven hair, eyes as green and sparkly as emeralds, and the kind of figure that would probably be pictured in a dictionary next to the word "voluptuous." In short, exactly the kind person any boss who ran a lingerie store would be positively thrilled to hire as an employee. She hummed a soft laugh as she waved a finger in greeting to the twins, "Of course! I actually have a kid of my own back home… Djali looks to be just about their age, maybe a few months older. Anyway, I completely understand and have no problem at all with you bringing them in here."

"Told ya," Rayne smugly razzed her tongue in victory at me.

And this prime example of maturity was a parent, folks.

Rolling my eyes but fighting a grin, I then glimpsed the worker's name tag and furrowed my brow. "Wait… you're Esmeralda?" I blinked a couple times. "...that's not just a fancy name they put on the store sign?"

"Nope! I own and operate this lil business," the woman smiled proudly now.

"Well then, Esmeralda, I hafta ask…" one corner of Anna's lips turned up as she leaned to whisper conspiratorially, "What's your secret?"

A little snort escaped her nose before she gestured back towards the front of the store, "Not letting creeps like that get to me."

Looking out the shop windows back into the mall proper, we now all spotted a rather sinister-looking old man standing out there who seemed to be… protesting? He was holding up a sign aimed directly at this little boutique bearing in big, bold letters the words (and I kid you not): SINNERS, REPENT. Other mall shoppers were giving the man a wide berth as he just stood there a few feet away from the entrance into here, glaring. Gosh, how had we not seen him on our way in? Maybe he'd arrived after us.

"Ugh," Rayne scrunched up her nose in distaste at the sight of the man. "What's ol' Skeezy McSkeezerson's problem?"

"He's just some religious nutjob who thinks my little," up came her fingers to provide air quotes, "den of iniquity here is ruining the wholesome, family friendliness of the mall. Ignore Frollo, he's harmless."

Anna raised an eyebrow, "You're chummy enough with that gnarly bag of bones to know his name?"

Chuckling, Esmeralda shrugged, "Kind of hard not to know it, what with him harassing me every morning when I come to open shop and every night when I lock up. Luckily, he's not brave enough to follow me inside, probably too afraid he'll fall victim all this sin and debauchery hanging on the racks. This place is my sanctuary," she glanced around with a contented sigh. Then she clapped her hands together once, flashing her best customer service smile now. "But that's enough talk about that! Is there anything I can help you lovely ladies out with today?"

"Perhaps you can assist my beautiful bestie here by helping her pick out some sexy underwear for her to show off to her man," Rayne beamed, slinging an arm around my shoulders. "You'll hafta forgive her, she's a tad clueless cuz she's a bit of a lingerie virgin."

"Hmmmmm," Esmeralda slowly circled me as she tapped a curled finger to chin. I felt a heat rising to my face once again under such scrutiny and I began fidgeting with my braid. "...yes, I can already picture a few of my items that could suit you perfectly. But first, tell me a little about your beau - do you think he could handle being subjected to some of our more…" she paused, a sly little gleam flitting across her eyes now as she smirked, "...risqué outfits?"

Forget him, I don't think I could handle being subjected to some of their more risqué outfits!

Before I could respond however, Anna chimed in with, "Oh don't worry, Lea can handle them! Trust me, he's as red blooded and virile as they come!"

"Anna!" I gasped, horrified as I strangled my braid harder.

She gave my shoulder a light, playful shove, "C'mon, Sis, you think I can't friggin' hear you two going at it whenever I spend the night on your living room couch?"

I nearly tore my braid straight out of my scalp.

Face? What face? No, I no longer had one and in its place now was nothing but a raging inferno.

"I- He- We- Tha-" I spluttered and stammered, unable to complete a coherent thought, much less sentence.

"Aw, I think you broke her," Rayne cooed with a little giggle, patting me on the head.

Esmeralda had already set to work, drifting from one rack to the next, seemingly knowing exactly where to find each thing she was looking for as she quickly and efficiently riffled through the garments, plucking up hangers here and there to toss over her arm before moving to the next one. Before long, she'd returned to stand in front of me with an assortment of delicates neatly stacked in the crook of her elbow. "I've picked out a few options for you for starters, just let me know if you see any you'd like to try on." With that, she held up the first one.

...I did not understand what I was even looking at here. Like, at all. Was she holding it upside down?

Though I made no comment, my expression must have told her everything. "Alright, not your cup of tea. Moving along," she smiled good-humoredly as she set that one aside and lifted up another one for me to look at.

Good lord, was that supposed to be lingerie or a net? The thing was more holes than fabric. Just how many limbs did they think I had?

Tucking that one away as well, she laughed, "Take it that one's a no too. Don't worry, I have a good feeling about this next one." She showed it to me and…

...actually? It wasn't too distressing.

No, it was actually a rather classy and tasteful kind of sexy, with its silk and its hint of lace and its overbust corset in a deep, rich blue.

I hesitated with a thoughtful frown before reaching a hand out to gingerly take it from her. Cheeks still simmering away, I pursed my lips to one side as I considered it for a few seconds longer, then mumbled, "You said something about being able to try them on?"

Esmeralda smiled brightly. "Follow me, I'll take you to a fitting room."

As she started leading me towards the back, I was suddenly halted in my tracks when I heard, "Sis! Sis!" My eyebrows knit together as I turned my head towards Anna's voice. I spotted her over by one of the wall shelves, holding something up high over her head and waving it about with an almost manic glee as Rayne smothered snickers into her hand beside her. "You should get this for Lea too!"

It took me a second to realize what it was she had in her hand, but when I did, every last drop of blood in my body came hurtling up into my face.

"No!" I shouted across the store. "No way! I am not buying that!"

I bought it.

But only because Anna wouldn't stop pestering me about the stupid thing until I did.

I hadn't been able to bring myself to gift-wrap it with the lingerie that I'd also ended up purchasing. Heck, I'd barely been able to bring myself to wrap the lingerie itself, but what exactly else could I have done? Surprised him with it by just walking into the bedroom wearing it? Please, as if I could ever be so bold - I'd practically burst into flames from all the blushing I'd been doing just wrapping the dang thing. As for the other thing, I'd just panicked and hid it away wedged between the bedframe and underside of our mattress for the time being until I could figure out something else to do with it.

Thankfully, I'd also managed to come up with a second gift to give Lea. In a sudden surge of inspiration out of the blue, I'd gotten the idea to get him a vintage movie reel projector. I could just picture him getting all excited about collecting all of his cheesy classics he loved so much in their original format so we could watch them "the way they were meant to be watched" or something like that. Finding one used online hadn't been all that difficult or expensive, not to mention thank goodness for overnight shipping! The device itself was big but not all that heavy, almost shockingly so - I'd easily been able to lug it around myself for getting it all wrapped and whatnot.

So there my two presents sat in the living room as Christmas Eve dawned, beneath a tiny yet festively decorated tree that we had to constantly keep Marshmallow from trying to eat. It was hard to blame the giant fuzzball though really - now almost fully grown, Marshmallow was bigger than the dinky little pine so was it any real wonder that he seemed to consider it his new favorite chew toy?

In any case, me getting Lea more than one gift seemed to have worked out for the best as it hadn't slipped my notice that he'd also gotten me a couple things that were currently nestled there at the base of that tree. Our small cluster of presents were really only there for the sake of appearances at the moment. We weren't going to be here on Christmas day itself. We were in fact just a few minutes away from hitting the road to spend the holidays in my family's sizable cabin tucked away up in the snowy mountains surrounding Arendelle. Luckily, the only actual relatives that would be there were Anna and Saïx, with the rest of the guest rooms being filled out by a handful of our friends we'd invited to join us for the holidays. In any case, all we had left to do before we departed was finish getting dressed, wrap up packing with a few last minute supplies, toss the presents into the car trunk, wrangle Marshmallow into the backseat and then we'd be off.

Thus my mild surprise when just as I'd finish rinsing my dish from breakfast, I felt Lea wrapping his arms around my waist to hug me from behind as he nuzzled my neck and whispered, "Hey, how 'bout we each open up one of our presents a day early? It'll be fun, whaddya say?"

I glanced over my shoulder at him and he flashed me a cheeky little grin. I blinked a couple times, then peeked over towards our teeny tree in the living room. More specifically, at the gifts beneath it. At one gift in particular.

You know… that gift.

I hastily averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks warm.

Drat, had he noticed which one my eyes had zeroed in on?

Clearing my throat as I set the dish in the drying rack, I asked casually, "Do we really have the time? We're already running a bit behind, we should've been on the highway ten minutes ago."

"We're already late, what's a few extra measly minutes?"

I tried again, "But today? Right now? ...it's not even Christmas yet."

"Pfft, what, like the holiday police are gonna bust us for bending the rules a lil?" he chuckled low as he gave my ear a playful nip before pulling away, spinning me around to face him. "Misbehave, live a lil! Being bad never felt so good! 'Sides, I'm just dying to know whatcha got me. C'mon, it's just one present each, we'll still have others to rip open on jolly ol' Saint Nick's Day tomorrow."

I had to resist the urge to look at that gift again.

Damn it, girl, be cool.

Instead, I smiled and relented with a small sigh, "Alright, fine. Only one though, got it?"

"Course!" he beamed, before gesturing a hand towards the living room with a slight bow of his head. "Ladies first."

I walked past him, exiting the kitchen and approaching where our tree stood guard over its little horde of presents. I considered them for a few seconds before picking out a bright red, flat-ish one decorated in nutcracker soldier printed gift wrap. Then I moved to the couch, making room by easing Marshmallow over a bit where he laid conked out in a deep sleep (on his back and with his tongue lolled out) before I took a seat on the middle cushion.

As I watched Lea approach the pile of gifts now to pick one out for himself, I couldn't help a small twitch as I suddenly began to regret every poor life choice I'd made that'd led up to me buying that stupid lingerie. I mean, seriously, what had I been thinking when I'd let Rayne and Anna talk me into getting that silly thing? What would I even possibly say when Lea unwrapped it? How would I- no, shush, relax, Elsa, it'll all be fine. Lea probably wasn't even going to pick that one. He was probably more curious about whatever the bigger, flashier-looking one could be - it was probably the whole reason he'd even suggested opening a couple right now. Yeah, that had to be it! There was no way he could be interested the measly, smaller, less fancy looking pres-

Fudge, he'd picked the lingerie.

Jerk probably had caught me staring at it.

"Are you sure that's the one you want to open now?" I blurted out before my mind could catch up. Noting the slight tremor to my voice, I cleared my throat and gave a tiny nervous laugh, my fingers absently picking at the tape on my own present. "The other one's bigger. Clunkier, you might even say. Could be a lot of work hauling it all the way up to the cabin, then hauling it all the way back. Maybe it'd be better if you just opened that one here instead."

"Nah, I don't mind lugging it back and forth," he laughed as he plopped down onto the sofa on my other side opposite of Marshmallow, settling the abomination that was my gift into his lap. "I could use the workout anyhow! This glorious physique don't just happen on its own, ya know!" he grinned, flexing one arm and kissing his bicep.

I gave a soft snort. "True, I suppose you have to burn off all that ice cream you consume by the gallon somehow," I poked a gentle fingertip to his belly.

"Hey now, maybe I wouldn't eat so much o' the crap if the girl working at the Ice Palace weren't such a cutie," he leaned towards me with a wink.

"Oh-ho, no," I waggled a finger in his face. "You were a sugar junkie long before I got a job there, so don't even try to blame your sweet tooth on me."

He smirked. "Who said I was talking 'bout you?"

I smacked him in the face with one of the couch's throw pillows.

"I mean, obviously I was talking 'bout you, babe!" He reached over to tweak my nose, "You're the cutest chick who works there, no contest! ...literally, cuz you're the only chick who works there, so that's not even really saying mu-"

I whacked him with the pillow again.

"I kid, I kid, c'mon, you know I think you're the most gorgeous creature in all of creation! Gimme that thing before you fluffily bludgeon me to death," he snerked, confiscating the cushion from me and tucking it away between the armrest and his hip before nudging my shoulder with his. "Now go on, open up my present to ya already!"

With a tiny shake of my head at him, I redirected my focus to the nicely wrapped gift in my lap and began carefully removing the tape. Once I'd made enough of an opening, I liberated a thin box from within. Raising an eyebrow, I lifted the lid off to discover two long, green slips of sturdy paper inside decorated with a logo on one half and lots of teeny printed text filling the rest of it. I picked them up with a little frown, squinting as I read them, then gasped and shot up to my feet, the box tumbling out of my lap down to the carpet. "How?! How did you manage to get tickets?! This musical has been sold out for months!"

"I have my ways," he sighed smugly, slouching down more comfortably into the sofa cushion. "We should be able to squeeze it in before the end of winter break, so figured we could take in the show, spend a few days in the big apple, make a whole trip outta it, ya know?"

"That… that sounds amazing, that-" I cut myself off, suddenly at a loss for words. Broadway was currently running my favorite musical - the one that song was from that I'd chosen to audition with for our community theater's Wicked tryouts. I'd been dying to go and Lea knew that, but tickets had been impossible to get. Not so for him, it seemed. I hastily sat back down, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and yanking him over to me to kiss him thoroughly. Smiling against his lips, I then drew back just enough to whisper, "Thank you… this means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it," he murmured back, gaze hooded as he nudged the tip of my nose with his. Then he pulled away, eyes lighting up a bit as he eagerly rubbed his hands together over his own present now. "Alright, my turn!"

I paled, heart all but flatlining in my chest. Crud, I'd completely forgotten. Here Lea had picked out something super sweet and thoughtful for me, and what had I gotten him in return?

Underwear.

Nay, not just underwear.

Friggin' frilly underwear.

"No!" I yelped, lunging for it just as he'd ripped some of the wrapping paper off one corner. Managing to snatch it out of his hands, I scrambled to stand and get it away from him. He stared blankly at me, one eyebrow quirked. Eyes darting wildly about, I said, "No, this… you don't want to open this one! This one's, er…" I hid it behind my back, biting my bottom lip, "...it's nothing really, it's- you know what? Let's get you the other one! Yes, that's the one you want, and this one you can open, er… never? Yeah, let's say never! In fact, let's just completely forget this one ever existed and I'll go get you the other-"

Just as I'd turned to make my way back over to the tree, Lea snaked one arm out and snagged the gift back with a chipper little, "Yoink!"

"Hey!" I tried to steal it back from him, but he'd stood up to his full height, holding it high above his head where it was easily out of my reach.

Curse him, his stupid tall self and his stupid, stupid long arms!

He chuckled as he pressed a quick peck to my forehead, "Now I know this is for sure the one I wanna open. With you getting all flustered over it, whatever it is has gotta be good!"

"But-"

"Ah-ah!" his finger booped me on the nose before he plonked back down into his seat on the couch. "Ya know it only makes me wanna open it more the harder you fight it, right? Just let it go, El, it's happening."

My lips pinched sourly before I huffed and sat down as well. I grabbed another throw pillow and hugged it tightly to my chest, burying my face in it just enough for me to peek out anxiously over the top.

Alright, fine. Let's get this impending trainwreck over with.

But I swear, this is the last time I listen to any advice Anna and Rayne give me ever again.

I tried not to flinch with each little tear he made in the gift wrap, the cartoony frolicking reindeers and elves printed on it seeming so deceptively innocent now when you considered what scandalous secrets lay hidden beneath them. All too soon, he was balling up the tattered remains and tossing them over his shoulder before opening the box, shifting the neatly folded tissue paper within aside and-

His whole body went still. Then he blinked once. Then twice. "Huh," was all he said at first. Then with a bemused little upward curve to one corner of his lips, he was delicately lifting the lingerie up out of the box in all its salacious glory. "...babe, I'm flattered, but blue's not really my color."

...oh god, the big clueless dope thought I'd given it to him as a joke for him to wear. He didn't realize-

Fudge, now I had to spell it out for him.

Having to wonder how my brain was not melting straight out of my ears at this point what with how badly my face was broiling, I set the pillow aside, folded my hands in my lap, sat up a little straighter and opened my mouth. Then swiftly snapped it back shut, cheeks cranking up the heat even further.

How… do I even put this?

Taking a deep breath, I tried again, "But it is… my color..."

He dropped the garment, eyes growing round and expression slack. "Oh." A pause. Then, "Oh, so you'd be the one who'd- oh." Picking it up again, a huge, lopsided grin spread across his suddenly rather flushed face as he eyed it in a whole new light now. "...oh, I see."

Fingers strangling the life out of each other in my lap, I looked away as I went on, "I know it's not as nice or as… sincere as your gift to me was, but I promise my other present is much better and-"

"No, no, none of that now, it's- I- this is-" Apparently struggling to find the right words to do justice to what he wanted to say, he instead settled for schooling his expression to be almost comically stoic as he gave big, emphatic nods with a thumbs up that then shifted into forming an O with his thumb and forefinger, signaling his approval.

I perked up a little uncertainly. "...you mean you like it? Really?"

"Oh yeah, trust me, I like it… really, really like it." Lea then cleared his throat, knee bouncing up and down as his fingers idly traced back and forth over the lace embroidered into the silky fabric. "Sooooo, heh… when do we take this baby out for its first test spin? ...now? Or say, I dunno, uh…" he shrugged, clearly trying (and failing) not to sound too eager as he repeated, "now?"

Down, boy.

I bit back a tiny smile. "No, now we should be on the road and making our way towards the cabin," I said as I rose to my feet to head towards the bedroom, snatching the lingerie from his grasp as I moved past him.

"Hey!" He vaulted himself over the backrest of the couch in the flash, hot on my heels. "That's mine!"

Crossing my arms as I spun around to face him, I said, "Yes, but I'm simply taking it to pack it with my things so we have it for the trip."

"Oh." Lea was grinning so big again now, it crinkled his guyliner. "I'll allow this."

"How very magnanimous of you," I snorted, turning to continue my journey to the bedroom once more. "I'm going to go finish packing and getting dressed, while you-" Just as I'd stepped through the door, I glanced back to discover he'd followed me in here. "...just where do you think you're going?"

He hunched down to my eye level, eyebrows bouncing over his half-lidded gaze. "To help ya get dressed, of course."

"Uh-uh. No," I planted a hand firmly to his chest, forcing him to walk in reverse and back out of the room. "I know that look. We don't have time for that look, we're late enough as it is. You stay out here, clean up the trashed wrapping paper, and get the rest of the gifts and Marshmallow out to the car."

"Aw c'mon, El, ya gotta lemme in there so I can help you," he insisted.

I gave him a flat look. "...do I? Do I really? Enlighten me then, please… why do I 'gotta' let you in here?"

"Er… cuz I'm a charming, lovable scamp with devilish good looks that you just can't say no to?"

I drooped my eyelids at him. Then I shut the door in his face, locking it for good measure.

Charm your way through that, scamp.

My cheeks puffed as I blew out a long breath, taking a second to fan my still very heated face with my hands. I then crossed the room, tossing Lea's gift next to where my almost fully packed suitcase laid open atop the bed. I set to work grabbing whatever else I needed - things like my charger and whatnot - and stuffed them into my travel case.

I then paused in a brief moment of indecision before sighing, rolling my eyes, and sticking my hand under the mattress to retrieve the other thing that Anna had made me buy from Esmeralda's Secrets. I frowned at it, then turned and held it up as I asked, "What do you think? Should I take it along?"

Bruni blinked back at me from inside his terrarium, cocking his head. Then can you guess what the little salamander did next? Go on, take a wild guess.

If your answer involved his tongue, his eyeball, and/or the swiping of said tongue over said eyeball, then you'd be correct.

I snorted. "You know, we really need to get you some new talking points as I feel you've pretty much said all you can say with that one at this point," I told him as I double checked he had enough food in there with him to keep him amply fed while we were gone. Then I gave the thing in my grip one final glance with a tiny shake of my head before tucking it away inside my luggage, burying it deep beneath several layers of clothing. Chances were good it'd never see the light of day, but why not bring it just in case? I mean, the lingerie had been such a hit and we hadn't even gotten to the fun part with it yet. I could imagine this thing would probably be met with equally rave reviews from Lea as well, should I muster up the courage to actually bring it out.

Now all I needed to do was pack the lingerie, get dressed, and go. I picked it up, dangling it before me as I considered it for a moment. My lips pursed to one side.

...an idea was beginning to take form in my mind.

A little wicked one.

A supremely stupid one.

One that was only asking for trouble.

Honestly, I don't know what possessed me to do it.

But I did it anyway.

"Everyone else is there already. I can't believe we're actually going to be the last ones to arrive," I muttered, narrowing my eyes at the text message from Anna on my phone.

"Bah, don't sweat it," Lea chuckled as he sped his car down the highway. We'd been on it for about twenty minutes now. He glanced over at me, tipping his aviators down just enough to wink over the rim, "Just means they'll have our hot cocoa ready and waiting for us in a couple o' steaming mugs by the time we get there."

My throat gave a small, noncommittal hmph. "Just be glad Anna's insisting on saving the master bedroom for us instead of calling dibs on it for her and Kristoff," I told him, pocketing my phone once more. Then I said, "I still think it was silly of Saïx to drive out ahead of us on his own instead of carpooling with us. He would've been able to sleep on the ride over."

He flicked on his blinker as our lane began to merge with the next one over. "Think he plans to bail on our lil holiday bonanza a day or two earlier than the rest of us. 'Sides, pretty sure he wasn't too keen on the idea of being the overstuffed fleabag's snuggle buddy on the whole drive over," he sniggered as he stretched a hand behind him into the backseat without looking to give Marshmallow a couple of affectionate pats to the head. "Hey!" he quickly snatched the hand back when his love was reciprocated with tooth hugs.

"Well then, his loss." I grinned as I twisted around in my seat to give the dog scritches under the chin, cooing, "Isn't that right, Marshmallow?"

Did that sound like an invitation to come sit in my lap? Because apparently to Marshmallow, it did. In the blink of an eye, he'd excitedly squeezed his way through the space between our two front seats to crush me under the mountain of white fluff that was him, tail thumping away at a mile a minute against the dash. Quite a feat considering there was barely enough space in the car seat to accommodate the colossal canine alone, much less the both of us. To this day, I'm still not quite sure how Marshmallow had managed to wedge himself up here with me.

After much cackling from Lea and wheezed coaxing from me, Marshmallow was finally persuaded a few minutes later to clamber back into the backseat once more, though not without a healthy dose of whining and puppy-dog pouting. Able to breathe again, I inhaled deeply as I began to straighten myself back out - the assault of doggy cuddles had left me in a bit of a disarray. I swept the few stray pale tendrils of my hair that had escaped back into my bun, smoothed the rumples out of my off the shoulder button-up blouse, and-

"Holy shit, is that... Under your clothes, you're already wearing it?!" Lea fumbled with his shades, perching them atop his head as his suddenly wide-eyed stare was now in a tug-of-war between my leg and watching the road.

With a start, I glanced down to discover that Marshmallow's little snuggle ambush had caused my knee-length skirt with a side-slit to ride up a bit, revealing the lacy garter (complete with a little blue bow) wrapped around my thigh that was holding up my black sheer stockings. Blushing furiously, I hastily jerked the hem of my skirt back down to hide it again and awkwardly avoided his gaze as I crossed my legs, mumbling, "...maybe."

Yes.

I was already wearing it.

"It" being the lingerie.

Which, by the way if you hadn't guessed by now, was the supremely stupid thing I'd decided to do.

Lea said nothing, just continued to gawk at me.

Gosh, if my cheeks burned any brighter, Santa would be asking me to guide his sleigh tonight instead of Rudolph.

Talk. I needed to talk. To fill this silence that was making me fidget restlessly under his gaze. Go on, mouth, just move and make with the words already. Any words. "...it's... actually rather comfortable." ...okay? "The lingerie, that is." Oh good. Thanks for clarifying the obvious. "Wouldn't think it would be. Would've thought it'd be more designed in favor of being, ah… aesthetically pleasing at the expense of comfort." Oh dear, where was I going with this? "I mean, I tried it on before buying it. Of course I did, it'd be silly not to at least make sure it- but, you know, I only had it on for a grand total of a minute in the fitting room, not really long enough to tell if- but now that I've had it on for an, er… extended period, I can say that it's, uh… it's quite comfortable. The silk is real nice, real… smooth against the skin." I take it back. Stop talking. Stop talking this instant. "Fits like a glove, as the saying goes, not… tight or restricting at all like I'd imagined it might be. The whole thing's really quite flexible with a plenty of give, actually…" Your license to speak has been revoked, mouth, you hear me? Zip it! "I shouldn't have any problems bending or twisting into any sort of posi-"

The car beside us suddenly blared its horn - apparently Lea had been a little too preoccupied by my line of discussion and in his distraction had begun to accidentally drift into the next lane over. "Fuck," he hissed, swerving us back into our proper lane. Clearing his throat as he shot the other vehicle a quick, apologetic wave, he told me, "Love, I'm dying to hear the end of that sentence, trust me, I'm highly invested at this point, but we're gonna hafta put a pin in it and circle back round to it later cuz this is a dangerous conversation to be having with a man while he's driving."

You heard the man, mouth. Friggin' cram it.

Pressing my lips firmly together, I tugged at the hem of my skirt again and gave a single curt nod, making no further comment.

We drove in silence for a minute as the trees of the forest around us blurred past our windows. Lea's eyes kept flicking to me out of the corner of his peripheral. He coughed into his fist and vigorously ruffled his fingers through his hair before returning his grip to the wheel. His knee began to jiggle up and down. Then, "Hey, uh… how 'bout we make a pit stop somewhere?"

I glanced towards him, my head tipping to one side. "A pit stop?"

"Yeah, so we can, ya know... stretch our legs… and other things," he wickedly smirked as he reached over the center console for my hand and brought it up to his lips, bouncing his eyebrows at me over my knuckles as he pressed a kiss to them.

A noise that was half laugh, half scoff escaped me. "There's not another rest stop for miles."

He shrugged. "I'm not picky. I'm sure a nice thicket could do in a pinch."

I gave him a flat look. "...a thicket? Really?"

"What? I'll make sure it's a romantic one! A classy one!"

"And how, pray tell, do you make a thicket classy?" I crossed my arms under my chest, arching an eyebrow at him.

"By keeping our pinkies raised the whole time!" Lea beamed, holding one hand up and wiggling his little finger.

Snorting, I shook my head. "No stops until we get there, understood?"

A harsh little huff emitted from his throat, "Fine." Then his foot pressed down harder on the gas and the engine thrummed louder as we started passing the other cars more quickly.

I hummed a soft laugh, "Oh sure, now you're in a hurry to get there."

"Well yeah! Ya said it yourself: we're late. Just trynta make up for lost time!" One corner of his lips quirked up as he added, "'Sides, the sooner we get there, the sooner I can unwrap my present."

"You know you're not allowed to open the other one until tomorrow morning," I tutted.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he not so subtly eyed me up and down, leaving zero doubt as to exactly what he meant.

Suppressing the urge to squirm, my hands swiped the nonexistent wrinkles out of my skirt as I dropped a casual, "Goodness, all this fuss and you haven't even seen part two of your gift yet."

He shot me a double-take. "Jesus Christ, there's a part two?!"

I'm with him, there's a part two?! Mouth, what are you even-

...oh dear, I was talking about the thing tucked away in my luggage between my dresses and my nightgown, wasn't I?

Damn Anna to the bloody ninth circle of hell for ever making me buy that infernal thing!

Alright, mouth, we can still get out of this. Remember the three B's: backtrack, backtrack, backtrack! Just go on and work your magic.

"Guess you'll just have to wait until later tonight to find out."

...mouth, you're fired.

Lea gave a low whistle and grinned big. "Somebody musta told Santa that I've been a very good boy this year," he murmured, his gaze drifting towards me again. Then traveling downward. Searching. As if he could somehow catch a glimpse of the lingerie hidden beneath through sheer force of will alone.

"Hey now, eyes on the road, mister," I chided.

He pouted, but did as he was told.

I snorted, "What's with the face? It's not like you can see anything anyway, you don't have x-ray vision."

"And I curse my goddamn maker every day for such a heinous oversight," he grumbled under his breath as he slipped his aviators back down onto his face.

We ended up making it to the cabin in record time. It wasn't currently snowing, but a thick glittering blanket of white had coated everything around us, from the ground to the trees to the cabin itself. Lea parked us next to the other cars and as he shut off the engine and the heat with it, I shrugged into my long heavy coat. I probably didn't really need it, the walk to the door would take less than ten seconds and I'd never been one to freeze easily, but it would be one less thing to carry.

Marshmallow was making it abundantly clear he was ready to no longer be trapped inside the car as he pawed at the back door and whimpered. Chuckling and telling him to hang on, I reached back to clip on his leash before exiting the vehicle myself, my knee high boots sinking into the snow as I let him out. He nearly ripped my arm out of my socket when he tried to bolt to investigate his new strange surroundings with all its new strange scents, but I managed to keep him in check if only just barely. Lea, having wrapped a black and red checkered scarf around his neck and donned his own thick jacket, took it upon himself to grab our suitcases seeing as how I pretty much had my hands full maintaining control of Marshmallow.

"We're here!" I called out as I opened the front door and let Marshmallow pull me inside, Lea following us and kicking the door shut behind him before dumping our things on the floor. As I knelt down to remove the leash once more, Marshmallow's nostrils suddenly flared with a big sniff before his ears perked and he went very still, his eyes intently focused on the hallway that led to the main sitting room. Oh-ho, I knew who he smelled. The second the leash was unclipped, the big wall of fur excitedly charged off deeper into the house.

I shook my head with a tiny grin as I slipped out of my coat and folded it over the banister next to the entrance. Before I could follow in my dog's tracks however, I felt Lea's hand closing around mine. He gently tugged me back and spun me around to face him, backing me up against the banister as he planted his hands on top of it to either side of me, trapping me between it and his body. Then he was leaning in real close, eyes hooded as his nose brushed alongside mine, his breath tickling my lips as he purred, "Ya know what I was thinking?"

I gave a low hum, reaching up to straighten his collar before resting my hands against his chest, absently smoothing out any creases in the fabric as I asked softly, "What were you thinking?"

His eyes crinkled slightly as he dipped his head, nosing the sensitive skin just beneath my ear and making me shiver. "Was thinkin' you should help me take the luggage to our room."

Translation: he was eager to "unwrap his gift."

A smile tugged at one corner of my mouth. "I see. Well, here's what I'm thinking…"

"Mm-hm," he prompted distractedly, straightening up just enough to try and go in for a kiss.

He probably thought he could seduce me to our bedroom with the power of his lips alone. And you know, he might have been right. He was a really good kisser.

Which is why I clamped my hand over his mouth at the last second, grinned sweetly up at him and said, "I'm thinking I know how much you love being a gentleman and I would simply hate to rob you of this ideal moment of chivalry by offering any sort of help with our suitcases. You're welcome." I lightly patted him on the cheek before trying to slip free of his arms. I didn't make it far however before he'd snagged me around the waist, pulling me up against him. I sighed, "Come on, Lea, the others are waiting for us."

"And they can wait a lil bit longer while we…" that wicked curve to his lips resurfaced, "settle in. It'll be fine, we'll see them later tonight." A thoughtful pause before he waggled his eyebrows, hooking a finger under my chin as he began to lean in once more, murmuring, "Make that tomorrow."

"There you two are!" Anna suddenly came bursting into the room with her signature bubbly laugh. "Was beginning to think you got friggin' lost!"

Whew! Saved by the baby sister!

Don't get me wrong, Lea was making a tempting offer. More than tempting. It's just that we hadn't made the trip all the way up to this cabin only to just lock ourselves in a room together for god knew how long. No, I'd come here to spend time with my friends and family. It was rather rare that I actually chose to spend time with a large group of people, but something about the holidays brought that out in me I suppose. There would be plenty of time for that other stuff later after everyone had turned in for the night. Lea would just have to wait his turn.

His shoulders slumped and he sulked a bit at being interrupted, but Anna hardly noticed as she snagged my arm, "C'mon, everyone's in the living room!"

"Hold it!" Lea hadn't let go of my hand yet. "El's gotta, uh… help me find our room first!"

"Oh! Up the stairs, first one on the left, you can't miss it!" Anna happily chirped, not wasting another second to drag me off.

He reluctantly let my fingers slip free of his this time as he released a low, grumbling huff. I glanced back at him as I let myself be towed along, crinkling my nose in amusement. He crinkled his back, though his was oozing snark. Could a nose crinkle even be snarky? Because if it could, his was decidedly so. With that, I lost sight of him as I was yanked around the corner and down the hall.

I could hear the rumble of chatter and laughter growing louder as we drew near before we stepped into the large family room. Everyone was seated cozily around the large roaring fireplace. Sora had little Cayde (or at least, I thought it was Cayde… I was still getting the hang of telling them apart) settled in his lap while both he and Kairi laughed and made goofy faces for the baby. Riku was nearby, keeping his watchful dad eye on them while holding a conversation with Kristoff at the same time. Rayne and Aria were nowhere to be seen, but I suspected the latter had probably been in need of a change and so had been taken into another room to have that dealt with.

Marshmallow was exactly where I expected him to be - sprawled across Saïx's lap, whether Saïx liked it or not. It looked like there might have been a bit of a kerfuffle for Saïx seemed slightly ruffled, but in the end he'd apparently just accepted his fate and currently had his laptop settled on Marshmallow's back as he typed away at it, a mildly miffed expression twisting his face behind his glasses. Roxas and Xion were seated in armchairs close to him, snickering and shoving each other's shoulders over something.

"Look who I found!" Anna announced as she brought me further into the room. They all looked up and I was met with a round of boisterous greetings. Giving my arm one final squeeze before releasing it, Anna said, "Have a seat! I'll go bring in the snacks now that we're all here!"

I began, "Oh, I'd be happy to help with-"

"No, that's fine! I really only require the assistance of one big, handsome, strapping gentleman and I have just the perfect one in mind..." As she spoke those words, Kristoff perked up and turned his head towards her with a huge smile. "...Sora!"

"Huh, wha?" Sora froze mid-squishing his cheeks together for Cayde at the sound of his own name, blinking a couple times. Kristoff looked positively crestfallen.

Anna snerked. "Kidding! Of course I was talking about you, you big dummy," she planted a quick peck to Kristoff's chin, which seemed to mollify him. Then she gathered both his hands in hers with a chipper, "Now c'mon!" before tugging him off towards the kitchen.

I grinned after them before glancing around for a place to sit. Saïx and Marshmallow were the only ones on their couch and though my beloved four-legged friend did admittedly take up a lot of space, the two of them were on the far side of it and it was a long couch so there was still plenty of room left. I eased myself down on the opposite end from them beside where the "kiddos" had seemingly picked up their conversation right where it'd left off.

"'Lemme copy your homework, Xion. Do all the work on the group project, Xion,'" she was reciting in a voice that I believe was a mock imitation of Roxas's. Then she gave a scoff, albeit in good-humor, "I swear, Rox, I'm nothing more than just a puppet for you to boss around."

"That's right, dance on my strings, puppet!" Roxas cackled back, waggling his fingers in the air above his head as if to manipulate said imaginary strings and earning himself yet another shove to his shoulder.

I listened with half an ear, momentarily distracted as my eyes scanned the room. Where was it? I knew it just had to be here somew-

Ah-ha! There! Dangling from the archway Anna and I had just come through a moment before.

Mistletoe.

I silently filed away its location for later. It'd be useful. Trust me.

"Just be grateful winter break arrived in the nick of time to save your punk ass because I was this close to throttling you," Xion sighed, rolling her eyes before flashing me a long-suffering smile. "I tell ya, Elsa, one of these days this doof will no longer have me around to cover for him and he'll be a total wreck without me!"

He looked aghast, clutching his chest. "No! Xion, you could never abandon me!" A beat. "...who else will I have ice cream with?"

"What am I, chopped liver?" Lea's voice suddenly piped up, drawing our attention. Apparently all done toting our luggage up to our room, he now came striding in, mussing up both Xion's and Roxas's hair by way of hello as he passed them, "Look who got here early."

Roxas swatted his hand away, "No, you're just late."

Lea placed a palm on the back of the couch, catapulting himself over it to land heavily in the spot between me and Marshmallow. Slipping an arm around my shoulders, he declared, "The life of the party is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

"I'm sorry, why are you talking about Sora now?" Xion slyly teased.

"Yeah, he actually showed up on time unlike your late ass," Roxas sniggered before releasing a tiny, hissed "ow" when Lea delivered a swift kick to his shin.

Rolling his eyes, Lea sighed, "So what were you squirts talking about before I got here?"

Xion smirked over at her blond friend, "About how lost Rox would be if he didn't have me around to carry his lazy butt all the time. And we're talking completely lost. Bet he wouldn't even know who he was anymore."

He shrugged, "Psh, what are you talking about? I am me, nobody else."

"You're a chimp is what you are," she poked him in the cheek. "You're lucky you even know your own name, much less how to spell it. If it weren't for me, you'd of flunked outta college ages ago."

"Ooo, we're talking about college?" Anna chimed into the conversation as she came bustling back into the room precariously managing four mugs of hot cocoa, two in each hand. Kristoff was right behind her bearing a couple trays of Christmas cookies and pastries. One of the cocoas was sweetly delivered to me before the others were distributed and Anna sent Kristoff back to the kitchen to continue ferrying in more after he'd left the snacks on a coffee table. Happily flopping down into a nearby armchair, she popped one of the sweets into her mouth before continuing, "I can't believe I have less than a year before I graduate! Unlike some people…" Her eyes smugly drifted to Lea.

"Hey now, rude! Shit, why the drive-by? I'm working through my credits as fast as I can," he grumbled as he accepted one of the cocoas Kristoff had returned with and blew on it. Then one side of his mouth quirked up at he told Kristoff, "My my, she's got ya trained good, huh?"

His only response was a hand gesture that was less than PG. Lea just snorted at that.

"What are your plans after college? I don't think you've told me yet," I asked my sister, hazarding a slow careful sip. Mmmm, chocolate! I cradled it close in both hands, enjoying the warmth seeping into my fingers.

Anna grabbed a handful of holiday truffles, tossing one up in the air and catching it in her mouth with a huge grin before answering. "Thinking of going to work with dad at the company!"

I choked on the second sip I'd just been taking, coughing a bit. "R-really?"

I could picture Anna doing a lot of things. Some stuffy corporate politics job? Not so much.

"Don't act so surprised!" she laughed. "You know I've worked there every summer practically all my life! I like it, and I'm actually pretty good at it too! I think maybe I could run that place one day!"

"Ah, so good to see that the archaic practice of nepotism is still alive and well," Saïx dryly drawled, not looking up from his screen nor pausing in his typing.

My sister huffed, narrowing her eyes at him. "Shush, you! It wasn't handed to me, I've worked my sweet friggin' little butt off for this! Am still working my butt off, thank you very much! And I'll have you know one day when I'm handed the keys to the kingdom, there's going to be some changes around there! I think I could do some real good in the world once I'm in charge! So you can kindly shove it," she razzed her tongue at him before slipping three more sugary treats into her mouth with as much lofty dignity as anyone could do such a thing. It was actually rather impressive.

Saïx merely gave a low hmph at that, fingers still tapping away. Lea drooped his eyelids at him before shifting his leg over to nudge his brother's shoe with his Converse. "Oi. You seriously working right now, dude? C'mon, man, it's Christmas! Quit being such a scrooge, have a heart and let loose a lil!" As he spoke, I could feel his thumb idly tracing light circles in the hollow of my bare shoulder, probably missing having my braid to fiddle with.

"If I had a heart, this would be where I die of laughter," Saïx muttered, squinting at his screen with a thoughtful frown before pressing the backspace a couple times.

"Don't be silly, course you have a heart!" Roxas beamed and shrugged. "Small and shriveled, yes, but it's there!"

Xion rose, moving to instead take a seat on the armrest next to Saïx. "Yeah, you're not a scrooge, you're a grinch! We just need to give you some hugs and eggnog and that heart'll grow three sizes, you'll see!" she giggled, throwing her arms around his shoulders and squeezing hard.

"Ugh, will the intrusions never end?" Saïx huffed, trying to pry himself free of her vice-like embrace but to no avail.

"Shh, you know you love it!"

I had a growing suspicion Lea's interest in the current conversation had waned, for I could sense his intent gaze on me now as I bent forward to put my half drunk cocoa down on the coffee table and reach for the nearest snack tray. As I settled back more comfortably into my seat, he brought up a hand to tuck a stray wisp of my hair that had gotten free back behind my ear before ducking his head to trail feather light kisses down the slope of my neck that left little tingles in their wake. I turned my head to look at him through lowered lashes and he grinned, moving to close the distance between our lips and-

-I crammed a christmas cookie in his mouth.

Nice try, bucko, but you're not going to trick me up to the bedroom that easily.

"Ah! You two made it! Finally!" Rayne came into the room just then, toting Aria on her hip. "Yeesh, took ya long enough!" she smiled as I stood up and we hugged each other. Then she was offering me the baby with an abrupt, "Here, hold this."

I tensed, blinking a couple times, my hands twitching but making no other movements to accept the burbling infant from her. "I… er…"

"Here, I'll take her," Lea muffled out around the mouthful of cookie he was still choking down thanks to me, reaching up to pluck Aria from Rayne's hands and sitting her down in his lap.

I released a silent sigh of relief. Could you believe it had been weeks since the twins had been born and I had still yet to actually hold either one of them? Some godmother I was turning out to be. But dammit, babies were just so squishy and fragile! What if I accidentally broke one of them?

Uh-uh. No. Not on my watch.

Just keep the babies away from me and my klutzy hands. Really, it'd be in everyone's best interest.

"So, uh… have you finished getting their nursery all set up at long last?" I asked as I settled into my seat on the couch once more.

"Yes, finally!" Rayne grinned as she squeezed into Anna's armchair with her and my sister rested her head on her shoulder. "Since Cayde was an unexpected surprise, hadta do a lot of scrambling getting a second crib and other such things for him. Plus it took goddamn ages scrubbing and bleaching every last inch of your old room."

"Bleaching?" Lea echoed curiously, bouncing a laughing Aria on his knee. I couldn't help but notice however that his gaze had drifted to where the mistletoe hung, seemingly just now having noticed it. I could all but see the wheels turning behind those crafty green eyes of his.

My ex-roommate gave him a flat look. "Red, please. You used to spend the night over. A lot. No tykes of mine are gonna be playing somewhere you two used to do the frick-frack constantly without it being properly and thoroughly disinfected and sanitized first."

"Ah," was the only response he made to that. As Rayne then got momentarily distracted by her husband coming over to give her surprise smooches, Lea leaned closer to me, muttering low out of the corner of his mouth so only I could hear, "Take it we're not gonna tell her 'bout their living room couch then?"

Feeling heat creeping up the back of my neck, I cleared my throat and shook my head, answering a quick but just as quiet, "No."

"Or the kitchen countertops? Or that one time on the dining table? Or-"

"No. No, none of it," I hissed, face full on roasting now.

What can I say? Lea could be very, ahem… persuasive when it came to having his way.

"Oh!" Anna suddenly straightened up in her seat excitedly as it seemed she'd just remember something. "You auditioned for the Spring musical, right? Have they announced who got what parts yet?"

Grateful for the subject change, I eagerly nodded, "Yes, actually, they just posted the cast sheet yesterday afternoon." A surge of giddiness filled my chest as I bit back a grin. "...I got the lead."

"Wha- Seriously?! Oh my friggin' god! Sis! Congratulations! And you're only now telling me? You should have said something sooner, this is a big deal!"

Lea glanced up from blowing air raspberries for a happily squealing Aria to say, "That's what I kept trynta tell her."

"I'd hardly call community theater a big deal," I self-consciously brushed off, the pleased smile I was fighting growing wider despite myself. "...I am really excited about it though."

"And you should be, sweetpea!" Rayne reached for my hands in my lap, covering them with her own. "Community theater it may be, but the people there still know their shit! They've recognized your talent and are trusting you with more responsibility! Your first official lead! That's huge!"

"Today, community theater… tomorrow, Broadway… the day after that, the world," Lea intoned in a dramatic whisper.

I rolled my eyes with a small grin, "That's not exactly how it w-"

"Too late. Already said it. It's happening."

As I shook my head at him, Anna hopped up to her feet, struck a finger up in the air and declared, "This calls for celebration! Be right back with something to spike the cocoa with!" With that, she blurred out of the room back towards the kitchen.

I shyly accepted a few more congrats from everyone else before conversation gradually turned to other topics and I just contentedly listened for a bit. The chit chat began to fade into the background however as I glanced towards Lea.

Gosh, he was so good with Aria. How did he make it look so easy? Not to mention there was something so pure and comically endearing about seeing this absolute behemoth of a man with his mess of untamed red hair, guyliner, and black nail polish being so gentle as he played peek-a-boo with the tiny baby. I know I'd already thought he'd make an amazing father one day, but thinking it and actually seeing him in action were two completely different things. Watching the two of them right now-

Oh dear, it was doing things to me.

You know. Stomach butterflies, knees going weak, insides turning into mush kind of things.

Things that must have been as plain as day to read on my face for Lea happened to look over at me, blink a couple times, then quirk an eyebrow as his gaze flicked back and forth between me and Aria while he put two and two together. Then he smirked. Turning the infant to face me now, he took on a high-pitch, munchkin-like voice as he began guiding Aria's arms into flourishing gestures as if she were the one talking instead of him, "Come, m'dear, and let awesome, suave, studly Unkie Lea whisk you away to the bedroom to ravage you and introduce you to whole new worlds of pleasure."

I gave him a blank stare. "...are you seriously trying to seduce me with a baby right now?"

His grin turned toothy. "Depends. Is it working?"

Kind of.

Sort of.

Yes.

"No."

Liar.

Pretty sure he knew it too, what with the way he was squinting at me with that crooked little half-grin of his. His lips parted, but before he could utter another word, Anna practically bounced back into the room.

"We got Crème De Menthe," she held up a long, skinny green bottle in one hand, "we got Kahlúa," her other hand waggled a smaller brown bottle, "we got it all, take your pick! But first, I took a look out the window while I was in the kitchen and now I have a very important question for you." She set the booze down on the table, stood in front of me with both hands firmly planted on her hips and gave me her most serious expression as she stared down her nose at me. Abruptly, she broke out into an ear-to-ear smile, "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

"Hell yeah I do!" Sora finally tore his attention away from Cayde to enthusiastically shout across the room, causing Kairi to smother a snicker behind her hand.

"I'm in," Roxas was already on his feet and making his way towards where his warmer outerwear had been carelessly tossed onto some of the other furniture.

Xion was not too far behind him with a, "Me too! Bet my snowman will totally kick your snowman's frozen powdered ass!"

"Oh, it's on!"

Humming a small laugh, I nodded at Anna, "I'd love to."

Before I could rise from my seat however, I felt Lea's hand grabbing mine. "You sure about that, babe? You're not really, ya know…" his eyes briefly flicked down to indicate my clothes. More specifically, what was concealed beneath my clothes. "...dressed for cold weather and ya might catch a chill. So whaddya say we get you upstairs and-"

"Ah-ah," I pressed a fingertip to his lips, silencing him. "I'll be fine. You know the cold never bothered me anyway. I just need to snag a pair of gloves and go grab my coat from the foyer." I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before standing.

I'd barely managed to take a step however before Lea'd hastily dumped Aria into Saïx's unsuspecting hands and charged past me to stand in my path, right smack dab beneath the-

"Hold it!" he held his palm up in my face, then smirked, propped one shoulder against the inside of the archway he occupied now and pointed up with a smug, "Mistletoe."

I narrowed my eyes at the little sprig above his head, then crossed my arms as my eyelids drooped. "And I suppose you're expecting a kiss now?"

"Tradition demands it and who are we to scoff in the face of tradition? 'Sides, you wanna get your coat, you'll have to get through me first. So pucker up, schmoopsie-poo, cuz these lips aren't gonna kiss themselves!" He stretched a hand towards me, adding a low, "C'mere."

I considered his awaiting hand for a moment. Then I met his gaze, one corner of my mouth quirking up before I snagged the nearest thing - or rather, nearest person, which just so happened to be Roxas as he was running by. "You heard the man: those lips aren't going to kiss themselves!" I winked at the blond before giving him a little push towards Lea.

"You ready, big guy, because here comes some sweet, sweet sugar!" Roxas cackled as he latched onto him and made kissy noises.

"Get off, ya twerp!" Lea growled, planting a hand on Roxas's face and trying to wriggle free of his stranglehold.

"But, dude!" he muffled back against his palm. "Tradition demands it and who are we to scoff in the face of tradition?"

"I believe it's now someone else's turn to hold the infant," I suddenly heard Saïx dryly announce and I glanced back towards him to see him looking quite unamused as he held Aria upside down by one ankle at arms length. She giggled in delight as she reached for Marshmallow, who obliged her with a curious snuffle of her fingers. As Rayne gasped and rushed to take her from him, I shook my head with a grin and quickly slipped past Lea while he was still busy trying to extract himself from Roxas's grapple and thus was unable to stop me.

And to think… the holiday shenanigans had only just begun.

"Welp, that's game!" Lea declared with a clap. Rising from the couch, he pulled me up with him and tried to drag me off as he hastily added, "Was fun guys, but we're gonna call it an early night. C'mon, El."

"What?" I laughed softly, digging my heels in and bringing us both to a lurching stop. "That was just the first round. We haven't even scored yet," I chided as I started leading him back towards the sofa.

He let me, huffing out a low sigh as he grumpily plopped back down into his seat and muttered under his breath, "Whaddya think I've been trying to do this whole time…"

I narrowed my eyes at him, pinching his arm for the comment.

"Oo, the foreplay's starting early, huh?" he waggled his eyebrows at me.

I pinched him harder.

"Babe, ya know you're only encouraging me at this point, right?"

I snorted, shifting tactics and shoving the notepad and pencil into his hands, "Just figure out the points please?"

"Fiiiiiine," he made an exaggerated show of rolling his eyes before scratching the pencil across the paper, tongue licking one corner of his lips as he worked. I shot the rest of the group a tiny apologetic smile.

It seemed Lea was getting a bit antsy for his gift.

I suppose he had been being rather patient for a while now. We had all spent several hours out in the snow - for the record, Xion's snowman had indeed kicked Roxas's snowman's frozen powdered butt. Lea had tried to corner me once or twice out there for some, hrm… snogging, but a well-timed handful of snow to his face did wonders for cooling that fiery passion of his down if only for a moment. Several snow angels and snowball fights later and we'd all finally had our fill and come back inside to warm ourselves by the fireplace once more. We were well past lunchtime now, but we still had plenty of snacks to tide us over until dinner. In the meantime, we'd decided to get a game of charades going at Anna's request.

At least, that's what we were attempting to do…

Of course, it'd help if the scorekeeper was actually doing his job correctly.

Or, you know… at all.

"Alright, lessee here…" Lea mumbled, pencil still furiously scribbling away. "You, my love, have four points, I have negative seventeen, and looks like Riku's won with… hm, carry the one… one million points. Now that's game! Shucks, too bad, so sad, let's go, El." Dropping the pad and pencil to the couch cushions, he snagged my hand and hopped up to his feet once more.

"Sit," came my simple yet firm command as I yanked him back down next to me. Pushing the pencil and notepad squarely into his chest, I told him, "Do it right."

As Lea released a sigh through his nose, Riku snorted from where he sat in another couch snuggled up close with his wife. "Do you even know the score? Have you been paying attention at all?"

"Course I know it! Got it memorized up here in the ol' noggin," he poked the pencil's eraser to his temple with a grin. However it quickly faded into a frown as he squinted down at the paper, tapping his writing utensil against it a couple times. "...but, I mean… if anyone else'd wanna compare notes and tell me what they think the point totals are, I'd only be too happy to let 'em know if they're right or wrong."

"But I thought you already knew the score, Mr Got-It-Memorized," Kairi sniggered, mockingly tapping a fingertip to the side of her forehead.

"I do. That was a test, and one ya just failed, princess. Minus fifty points for Kairi," Lea razzed his tongue at her as he wrote that down.

Sora groaned, "I want a new scorekeeper!"

"And that's minus one hundred points for you, bucko!"

Oh dear. We'd given the doofus way too much power.

"I'll take over keeping track of points," Rayne volunteered as she smiled and shook her head at my boyfriend's antics.

"Treason! Minus one thousand points for Raindrop for the villainy, attempted mutiny, and-"

I snatched the notepad from his fingers and smacked his shoulder with it before tossing it to Rayne who chirped a little "thank you!" at me as she caught it. I tried to confiscate the pencil as well, but he held it up high and away from me. As I stretched across him to reach for it, he took advantage of my new close proximity to plant a small peck to the tip of my nose.

I drooped my eyelids up at him.

Fine then. Keep the pencil, you big dork.

Anna piped up now, "Alright, we'll just call that first round a warm-up! Points start now!" She glanced over her shoulder and called out, "You're missing out on all the fun, Saïx, you sure you don't wanna join us?"

He'd moved some time ago to a table on the other side of the room far away from the rest of us, still hard at work on his laptop with Marshmallow curled up at his feet. "There's nothing I'd hate more," came his flat reply.

"So sayeth Mr Holly-Jolly himself," Lea muttered, staring up at the ceiling now as he balanced the pencil on his nose. I tried to swipe it, but he was faster in grabbing it off himself and once again keeping it out of my reach.

"Since we're starting off fresh, how about some new teams? Gals versus guys?" Xion suggested. She then bumped her shoulder into Roxas's with a goading smirk, "Unless, ya know, you're too scared of getting your asses handed to you by a buncha girls."

He snerked, bumping her back harder. "Bring it!"

As the others began weighing in as well on the new arrangement for the teams, I felt it. This tiny tickle against my thigh. I glanced down to discover Lea trying to use the eraser end of the pencil to covertly lift the side slit of my skirt for another discreet peek at the garter.

I lightly slapped his hand away and stood up, quickly saying, "You know, girls against boys sounds like an excellent idea. I think I'll go sit with my new teammates over here." I squeezed into the other couch between Anna and the armrest, edging Riku out from the opposite end and forcing him to find another seat. Across from Lea now, I shot him a pointed look with one eyebrow arched and a small smirk.

He just sulkily slumped further down into his own seat, knee jiggling up and down as he began gnawing on the pencil.

Oh yeah. Definitely antsy.

But no need to pout there, buddy, you and I both know you secretly love the torture of being forced to wait.

...was it wrong of me to actually be kind of enjoying this newfound power over him so much?

"Alright! Now that that's all settled, let the games begin!" Anna beamed before her blue gaze settled on me. "Sis, why don't you start us off?"

I stiffened. "Wha- me?" I bit down on my lower lip, eyes darting to the left as my hands began to fidget with each other in my lap. "...are you sure? Maybe it'd be better if someone else-"

"Elsa," she interrupted me, placing both hands on my shoulders. "Sis. I love you. You know I do. But you royally suck at charades."

"Hey!" I narrowed my eyes at her.

She shrugged, "Don't you 'hey' me, it's true!"

My face pinched sourly. "...okay, fair. But still… cheap shot."

An unapologetic grin pulled at her lips. "So now that we've got that established, don't you think getting the absolute travesty that will be your turn out of the way first so the rest of the team can help us finish strong might be the best call?"

I fixed her with a dull stare. "Gee, thanks for sugar coating it."

"No prob!" she giggled before her eyes turned expectant. "Sooo…?"

"Fine, just give me my word and let's get this over with," I relented with a sigh and held my hand out. Anna's face lit up and she offered me the basket full of tiny folded bits of paper. I plucked one up without much consideration and rose, stomping a few steps away.

We all remember what a "fan" of charades I am, right?

Not.

Ugh, the things I do for my sister.

Was it too late to be dragged off by Lea so he could have his manly way with me instead?

Releasing another sigh as I took my spot, I turned to face the others with a steely look of determination now. I'd show Anna. Time to put all those acting classes I'd been taking to good use! My team was going to guess my word so fast, they wouldn't even know what hit them. I was going to own this word. I was going to charade the hell out of this word! But first… alright, you stupid word, let's find out what you are. I opened the little slip of paper and squinted down at it.

…ice?

…

What the frick was I supposed to do with ice?!

"All set?" came the sound of Kristoff's voice and my head shot up, eyes wide and skin drained of color. Does this look like the face of someone who's 'all set'?! "Good! Timer starts in three…"

Wait.

"...two…"

No.

"...one…"

Stop!

"...GO!"

Fudge.

He flipped over the small plastic hourglass and I…

...just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights.

"You got this, Elsa!" Anna called out to me. Oh sure, thanks for the vote of confidence now. Too little, too late, Sis. "...any time." No really? And here I was just standing around doing nothing on purpose because I figured that's how you win. "Just… just do it with your body!" Gah, I'm trying!

Okay, think, Elsa, think! Ice… how do I get them to say ice… Ice, ice, ice… ice...berg? ...Icicle? ...ice, ice, baby? Oh come on, Elsa, stop being silly and focus! Ice…

...cube!

Ice cube! Yes, I think I could work with that!

I suddenly snapped into action, my hands blocking out a large shape in the air.

"Oh, oh, square!" Anna said excitedly.

Rayne tipped her head to one side, asking, "A rectangle?"

Kairi chimed in with, "A box!"

I twirled my index finger sideways, indicating for them to keep going before I began outlining the same shape again.

"Television box!"

"Lunch box!"

"Juke box!"

Gah, move on from the infernal word box already, people!

Xion squinted and gave a doubtful, "...microwave?"

"Crate!"

"Toaster!"

"Croaster!" Anna shouted, bouncing up and down in her seat before freezing with a frown. "Wait… that's not a word…"

Despairing and not knowing what else to do, I kept miming the same shape in the air, just more frantically now.

As if doing it faster would somehow help the situation.

"Cube!"

Oh wow, it actually had!

I clapped and nodded vigorously, hopping on the balls of my feet. Alright, onto phase two, which…

...there was no phase two.

Crud.

I had zero idea how to get them from cube to ice cube.

I did not think this through.

Alright. Forget cube. Cube was stupid. Cube is out the window. New plan!

...got it! Okay, no, this was good. They were going to get it for sure this time. It was so obvious, I should've thought of it sooner. When you think of ice, you think of…

...ice skating.

Smiling and sure of myself now, I spread my arms out wide to either side of me and balanced on one foot, like a skater gliding on one blade across a frozen pond.

"Oh, ah… ballerina!"

"Tightrope walker!"

"Er… a tree? Maybe?"

A tree? I looked down at myself. How was this a friggin' tree?!

I locked gazes with Anna and stretched my pose out further for emphasis. Her face was scrunched up in deep thought. Come on, Sis, help me out here. You've seen me ice skate before, you know what it looks like. You got this. Two sisters, one mind. Suddenly her face brightened and she jumped up to her feet. Ha, there it is! I knew she'd get i-

"Michael Jordan!" she yelled, stabbing a finger in my direction.

...nevermind.

Kairi abruptly rocketed up beside her, "Gandalf!"

Anna shook her head, "Pffft, like Gandalf Cube is a thing!"

"And what, like Michael Jordan Cube is?"

Oof, I really shot myself in the foot with that whole cube thing earlier, huh?

As the girls began to bicker amongst themselves while I continued to wobble and sway on one foot, I glanced over towards the boys who were all quietly snickering at our expense. Well, almost all of them. Lea instead seemed rather fascinated by the way I'd stretched and arched my body into its current pose, his eyes half-lidded as they travelled down my curves, his head slightly tilted and teeth still idly gnawing that pencil.

I smirked, a new idea forming inside my head. The girls needed more clues, after all. Planting both feet back on the ground, I bowed at the waist as if reaching down to tie the laces on my imaginary ice skates. As I bent forward, I made sure Lea got just enough of a glimpse down the front of my blouse to give him a hint of something lacy.

He bit the pencil in half with a loud crack!

Okay, I really was enjoying teasing him way too much now.

I think all this power was going straight to my head!

The all-corrupting power of the lingerie...

A gasp suddenly tore out of Anna and she started pointing back and forth between Lea and me, "I saw that! You two secretly communicated! You're working together! Double agent! Cheater!"

My head rocked back and I stammered, "Wha-?! I- How would that even- I am most certainly not-"

"Ahhnnnt!" Kristoff loudly and obnoxiously made a buzzer sound.

"Oh come on, I can't be out of time already!" I told him, crossing my arms.

"You talked, and there's no talking in charades, so consider yourself disqualified," he chuckled, then added, "PS: you actually ran out of time ages ago, we just let you keep going because watching you epically fail so hard was too funny."

Blowing out a tiny huff through my nostrils, I returned to my seat where the rest of the ladies gave me pats on the back and shoulder squeezes to console me. As Anna side-hugged me with one arm, she said, "There, there, Sis, I'm sure the word you got just sucked. Lemme see it," she took the little scrap of paper from me and unfurled it, read it, then blinked. "Ice?!" she snapped incredulously. "You couldn't get ice?!"

I sunk further down into my seat with a groan, pinching the bridge of my nose and making no further comment.

Surprisingly, the game ended in a draw. What I lacked in being able to communicate a concept without the use of words, I more than made up for in my ability to guess what my teammates were acting out. And while I may have been my team's handicap, turns out Lea was theirs. Normally he'd have been one of their stronger players, but it seemed his head just wasn't in the game. Not if the way his eyes kept distractedly drifting over to me while the rest of the boys had to constantly yell at him to focus was any sort of clue.

A couple hours and several rounds later brought us to a point where more than a few stomachs were suddenly loudly grumbling. We decided it was high time to break for dinner, seeing as how cookies and candy canes just weren't cutting it anymore. As everyone else started making their way towards the dining room, I excused myself so I could go freshen up real quick.

As I finished up in the bathroom, I turned the faucet off and flicked my hands a few times to shake away the water before reaching for the towel. Fingers now dried, I took a moment to eye myself in the mirror before straightening my bun and smoothing out my skirt. With a little satisfied nod, I turned, opened the door and-

-came to a screeching stop, looking up and blinking a couple times. "...can I help you?"

Lea smirked back down at me from where he stood in the threshold blocking my exit. Without uttering a word, he just smugly pointed up. My gaze followed his finger and-

Fudge.

Guess what we were both now under?

That's right. He'd moved the mistletoe.

My eyelids drooped at him. "Well now, that's just cheati- mmph!"

His warm lips were suddenly on mine as he grabbed my face in both hands. Unconsciously, my body leaned into his, my hands grasping at his shirt and wrinkling the material as he kissed me long and slow and we just stayed in the doorway there for a few heartbeats, his thumbs tenderly grazing along my cheekbones. Then there was a shift. His breathing turned ragged, his lips more urgent and demanding as a low growl emitted from his throat and Lea started backing me into the bathroom once more, kicking the door shut after him. Without breaking the kiss, he fumbled a hand behind him to lock it then was pushing me up against the sink counter. Lea wasted no time lifting me to sit on top of it, situating his hips between my knees as he hooked his hands beneath them and pulled me up against him roughly. He then wrapped my legs around his waist, fingertips caressing along the stockings, up my thighs and hiking my skirt a bit.

At last he broke the kiss, redirecting his attention to nibble down the side of my throat. Breathless and face hot, I whispered, "Lea, maybe we shouldn't-"

My neck suddenly seared in intense pleasure as his teeth bit down hard at just the right spot and I gasped.

...okay, maybe we should.

He huskily chuckled against my skin, lightly kissing it now as he murmured, "You were saying, Love?"

Desperately trying and failing to unscramble my brain, I began, "I… I was…"

"Mm-hm," he prompted absently as his lips and tongue continued to trail a path down my neck while his fingers pushed the hem of my skirt up a tad further.

"...was saying that… that we, uh…"

"Mm-hm," Lea hummed again, pulling back slightly now with a sly gleam in his crinkled eyes as he reached a hand back over his shoulder, grabbed the back of his tee, and-

Oh wow, there goes the shirt. On the floor. Just like that.

Should.

Lea had just made an extremely compelling argument for should.

I'd mentioned how persuasive he could be, right?

I dazedly watched as he took my hands in his, pressing my palms to his bare chest now as he leaned in to hungrily kiss me again. My fingers took on minds of their own as they began to drift and roam, slowly tracing down the lines and contours of his leanly muscled torso. I shivered as I felt his fingertips skim over the hollow of my shoulder and along my collarbone before settling on the top button of my blouse, tugging to undo it and moving down to the next-

"Elsa!" Several loud, frantic bangs against the door abruptly startled us apart. It took me a second to recognize Sora's voice coming from the other side as he whined, "Hurry up in there, I really, really gotta go!"

"Occupied!" Lea shouted over his shoulder before grinning as he hooked a finger under my chin and bent forward, his lips brushing mine once more.

"...Elsa? Why does your voice sound funny?" Sora asked uncertainly, causing me to snort against Lea's lips. His shoulders slumped and he hung his head, cursing under his breath. The spell had been broken. We both knew it.

I gently pushed him away, scooting myself down off the countertop and snatching his shirt up off the ground to hand to him. Then I took a second to fan myself in a futile effort to cool my face before opening the door and immediately saying, "This isn't what it looks like."

Sora blinked at me. Then his gaze darted to where Lea stood behind me, eyeing Sora sourly as he pulled his tee back on.

...okay, it was exactly what it looked like.

But Sora didn't need to know that!

He blinked again, "Um…"

Deciding to save him from having to come up with a more sophisticated response than that, I simply took Lea's hand in mine and left the bathroom towing him along after me, his dark scowl never leaving Sora as we pushed passed him and headed towards the dining room.

On the way there, we bumped into Rayne in the hallway who was bouncing Cayde in her arms in what seemed to be an attempt to get him to settle down. She arched an eyebrow at me as we drew near. "I thought you were freshening up."

My brow furrowed at her. "...I did."

She eyed me up and down, then snerked. "Sure ya did," was her only remark as she wiggled her eyebrows, shifted the baby to rest against her shoulder and disappeared through the door to join the others for dinner.

I tipped my head to one side, then glanced in a decorative mirror that was hanging on the wall to my left. To say I'd been disheveled would have been the understatement of the century. My skirt was rumpled, my blouse skewed, and I was still bright red from practically head to toe. To top it all off, my hair was free of its bun and positively wild.

"When did you do that?" I narrowed my eyes accusingly at Lea as I did my best to gather and throw it back up into a haphazard bun.

Alright fine, I knew exactly when he did it. I just hadn't even realized he'd done it.

He pursed his lips to one side, shoved his hands into his pockets and gave a tiny shrug as I finished righting my clothes. I then noticed his eyes flick down, suddenly seeming highly fascinated by something. I followed his gaze to spot my top button of my blouse still undone and flashing a scandalous little sneak preview of the lingerie. Blushing harder (the exact opposite of what I wanted to be doing right now, dammit, cheeks!), I hastily re-fastened the button while Lea grinned wolfishly. I pinched his arm, wiping the smirk off his face before taking his hand in mine once more and leading him into the room.

Everyone was seated at the long wooden dining table already and were all too busy laughing and talking over each other to pay much mind to our entrance. As I quietly took a seat, I noticed most of the dishes of piping hot food had already been brought out to the table. Kristoff was bringing out the last of them with my sister's help.

"I'm so happy my man knows how to cook," Anna delightedly chirped as she set down a bowl of yams before giggling and pressing a smooch to Kristoff's cheek. "That way, I don't have to!"

I smiled at the two of them while Lea plonked down into the chair beside me. He laced our fingers together, his thumb idly rubbing along my knuckles as he settled his other elbow onto the table, heavily propped his chin in his palm and heaved a long, drawn out sigh through his nose. His eyes narrowed on Sora as he returned from the restroom and happily crossed the room to take a seat between Riku and Kairi, totally oblivious to the daggers my boyfriend was glaring at him the whole way. Lea then looked away, petulantly huffing out a second grumbly sigh.

It seemed somebody was still a bit pouty over our little interlude in the bathroom being interrupted.

We couldn't have that now, could we? Not on Christmas! Let's see what we can do to perk his spirits a bit.

I shifted ever so slightly in my seat, casually bumping my knee into his as if it were by accident. Lea glanced over at me, quirking an eyebrow. One corner of my lips turned up as I took our still intertwined hands and moved them under the table, releasing his so it could settle on my knee instead. He sat up a little straighter in his chair, his other eyebrow rising to join the first. I grinned coyly, averted my gaze and said nothing, merely waiting for him to take the hint as I reached for the cup of hot cider already waiting for me next to my plate.

Slowly, tentatively, his hand started to slide up my leg, brushing my skirt up with it as he went until he reached the garter. There he paused, his fingertips exploring, grazing over its soft delicate embroidery and toying with it. I could see Lea's face heating as he brought his other hand up to bite down on the knuckle of his curled finger. I just sipped my drink and smiled politely at the conversation the others were carrying on around us. The perfect picture of prim and properness. As if nothing even remotely untoward were happening under the table in the slightest.

Eventually, his hand began tracing the garter down to my inner thigh, discovering where one of the straps connected to it. His fingertips trailed circles over the clasp a couple times before then attempting to follow the strap further up between my legs.

That's when I snagged his wrist, stopping it dead in its tracks and shooting him a flat look.

Sorry, bucko, but that's as far as this little adventure at the dinner table goes.

His muscles were tense. His left eye twitched. But then Lea closed his eyes, released a low, shaky breath and his posture relaxed somewhat as with what appeared to be a considerable amount of visible effort, he willed himself to take his hand back.

"So hey!" Kairi suddenly piped up over everyone else, causing the chatter to die down a bit as all eyes turned towards her. "I brought a buncha Christmas movies with me! You know, all the classics. I was thinking maybe it could be fun for all of us to watch a couple after we finish eating. How does that sound?"

Lea cleared his throat, raking his fingers through his hair as he began, "Actually, El and I had other-"

"What a wonderful idea!" I chimed in brightly before turning to plant a swift peck to the corner of Lea's jawline. "We'd love to, isn't that right, Lea? Since we all know what a fan of the classics you are."

He pressed his lips together into a thin line and simply fixed me with a dull stare.

Oh yes.

No doubt about it.

I was definitely having way, way too much fun teasing him.

It was late. Little Ralphie Parker's father had just thrown aside fistfuls upon fistfuls of packing to liberate the infamous leg lamp from its crate in the movie. A quick glance around the dim room, lit only by the soft glow from the TV screen, revealed everyone to be cozied up together in one way or another as they enjoyed the film.

Rayne was curled up with Riku under a blanket, him turning his head to press an affectionate kiss to the top of her head. Sora was using Kairi's lap as a makeshift pillow, their hands joined and resting atop his chest as they watched. Anna was occupying an armchair with Kristoff seated on the floor before her, using her knees as a backrest while her nimble fingers plaited hundreds of thin, tiny braids into his short blonde hair. Roxas and Xion were taking their turn for some snuggle time with the twins who, even though it was now well past their bedtimes, were being quite obstinate about going to sleep.

Even Saïx had a cuddle buddy, although he was too busy snoring to realize it. It seemed being up during the daylight hours to power through getting all his work done had finally caught up to and taken its toll on him. Back on the couch once more, his laptop lay forgotten on his lap with the screensaver running while he'd conked out nestled into Marshmallow's plush fur beside him. Marshmallow's tail thumped quietly against the couch cushions as he too began to drift off into dreams.

Grinning, I returned my gaze to the movie and settled more comfortably into Lea's side as I laid my head against his chest once again and my arms hugged more tightly around his waist. I could feel him fiddling with a stray lock of my bangs that'd gotten loose, looping and twiddling it between his fingers. Then his hand diverted its attention to instead trail lightly along my bare shoulder, his fingertips drawing invisible patterns there against my skin. It tickled and I involuntarily squirmed against him a bit.

I heard him suck in a soft hiss of breath, shifting in his seat as he hastily removed his hand, fingers splaying and flexing before closing into a fist that he planted firmly on the sofa backrest behind my head now. His knee started furiously jerking up and down. I turned my head to look up at him. His whole body was rigid and his jaw set tight, the very fires of determination seemingly burning in his eyes currently as he focused hard on the movie (perhaps a little too hard), though his gaze kept flicking to the clock hanging on the wall every few seconds.

Frowning, I brought a hand up, brushing my knuckles tenderly over his cheek. Lea stiffened, his whole body suddenly going very still. I altered course to stroke his hair, gently running my fingers through it. His breath hitched as his eyes slowly closed and I could feel him quivering slightly. Then he abruptly snatched my hand, disentangling it from his mess of untamed hair.

I blinked at him.

He pressed a lingering kiss to the back of my hand before settling it on his knee as he ducked his head, bringing his lips right next to my ear as he half whispered, half growled, "Love, it's taking every last ounce of restraint I have not to just throw you on the coffee table and take you in a primal cavemanly fashion, so unless you want to give our friends a bit of a show, I suggest you stop."

...oh dear.

It seemed I'd made him wait a little too long and he was dangerously close to his breaking point.

Thus I decided to finally and at long last take pity on him.

It was time.

Time to let him unwrap his gift.

I stood up, spinning on my heel to face Lea. He stared up at my quizzically, probably leery of getting his hopes up at this point. Smiling sweetly, I reached down, taking his hands in mine and pulling him up to his feet as well as I announced to the rest of the room, "If you'll excuse us, Lea's not feeling too hot, so we're going to head to bed now." His hand still in mine, I led him out of the room and towards the stairs as the others called out a chorus of feel-betters and goodnights after us.

Reaching the second floor, I stepped through our door ahead of him and cast a brief glance about as I stood in the center of the bedroom, taking it in. The traditional rustic wooden walls decorated with a couple small pieces of hanging art here and there. The pair of plump armchairs in one corner next to a homey little fireplace, currently unlit and cold but with plenty of logs just waiting for a spark. The antique wardrobe and dresser off to one side, the door off to another leading into the adjoining private bathroom. The king-sized bed stacked high with blankets and quilts for fighting off the chill later on in the dead of night.

The muted click of Lea shutting the door behind us caught my attention, but I didn't turn to look at him, merely waited. There was a pause. One that was so long and quiet, I almost began to wonder if he'd left for some reason. But then I could all but feel him standing behind me, feel the warmth practically radiating off his body just a few short inches away from mine, sending a tiny chill up my spine and a small flutter through my chest.

His hands found their way to my hair, a simple tug pulling the bun free once more and sending my platinum locks cascading down my back. I shook it out a little more, resisting the urge to shiver at the pleasant tingling sensation brought on by him slowly, almost reverently combing his fingers through the strands. Then his fingertips were trailing along my shoulders and ghosting lightly down my arms where they came to settle comfortably on my hips. I could feel him nestling his face into my hair, pressing a kiss into it as he inhaled deeply, humming low in pleasure as his grip on my hips tightened and his body pressed more firmly up against my back.

At the gentle insistence of his hands, I turned and faced him now. Gosh, he was so tall. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I wasn't. It was moments like these - moments where no words were spoken and there was so little space between us - that reminded me just how tall he truly was. Not to mention how handsome he was or painfully gorgeous those startlingly green eyes of his were, especially while they were hooded and swirling as darkly as they were now. My pulse couldn't help but pick up the tempo beneath his heated gaze.

The air felt charged between us, nearly unbearably so. I was almost surprised Lea hadn't simply pounced the second we were alone. The slight tremble to his hand as he brought it up to stroke my cheek suggested that might be exactly what he wanted to do but was holding himself back. Perhaps he was going slow because he was wary of this moment being snatched away from him yet again like they all had been so far today. Perhaps he simply wanted to take his time and savor this. Whatever the case may be, as his fingers tangled themselves in my hair and he leaned in now, there was no doubt in my mind all that was about to change. I knew the second his lips met mine, all bets would be off. That last shred of restraint he was barely clinging on to would snap and all that pent up frustration he'd been keeping in check all day would be unleashed and given free rein. My face burned and my heart hammered as he closed the distance, so near now that I could feel his breath warming my lips as he murmured my name and-

"TOOTHPASTE!" I suddenly blurted out loudly.

He jerked back, eyes wide and both eyebrows skyrocketing as if to ask, Um… sorry, who what now?

Which honestly? Couldn't blame him.

So, mouth? Care to explain yourself?

I stammered nonsensically for a bit, wringing my hands together before finally pointing a thumb over my shoulder towards the restroom and managing to get out, "For brush teeth… make m-mint fresh in mouth."

Ah yes, clear as mud now. Thanks, mouth. Your gift for gab never ceases to amaze and astound.

My oh so eloquent words hung in the air between us as we just stared at each other for a few seconds. Then I bolted into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me. Pressing my back to it, I buried my face in my hands and slid down to sit on the floor.

Smooth going there, little Miss Casanova. Just really know how to set the mood, huh?

I groaned and banged the back of my head against the door.

Oh god, Lea was going to think I freaked out because of him. That I didn't want to, hrm… be intimate with him. But I did! I loved being intimate with him! It was something he was very good at! Very, very good! Amazing, in fact! But what did I go and do the second I had a chance to do exactly that with him?

I'd panicked and choked, that's what!

Because this time was different.

This time, lingerie was involved.

Putting it on and teasing him with it was one thing. But lingerie had implications. It set expectations. You were supposed to, I don't know… act sexy… be sexy… you know, that whole feminine wiles things! And my feminine wiles? Still a work in progress. Sure, it was something I'd gotten better at since Lea and I had started dating, but trust me, I still had a long way to go. And yet here I'd gone, riling him up all day and now that the moment had finally arrived where I had to deliver the goods, I'd…

I'd gotten a bit of stage fright, okay?! So sue me!

...maybe I was just being silly. Overthinking all of this. Putting too much pressure on myself for no reason. This was Lea we were talking about here, after all. I could go out there and do the least attractive impression of a sloth in a negligee doing the chicken dance while yodeling and he'd still probably find it sexy. (...dear lord, the fool honestly might. Not even joking anymore.) The point was that he loved me and I loved him, so this shouldn't be such a big deal. One teeny bit of silky, lacy fabric shouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, this was supposed to be fun.

So, missy, you march your little hiney back out there and have fun, dammit!

Nostrils flaring, I pressed a hand to the door behind me and pushed myself up onto my feet once more, turning to look at myself in the mirror. My reflection had fists balled at her hips, her shoulders squared, her head held high, and a look of ironclad resolve flashing in her blue eyes. I leaned forward, planting one hand on the sink countertop and using the other to jab a finger up against the mirror surface as I hissed, "Now listen up and listen good, me! You're going to go out there and… and… knock his friggin' socks off!"

She blinked back at me, visibly gulping with a tiny frown.

My shoulders sagged. "...I think."

Atta girl, that's the fire and can-do attitude we like to hear!

Face hardening once more, I gave myself a firm nod, straightened up and gingerly began unbuttoning my blouse. Once I'd shed it and tossed it to the floor, I slipped out of my skirt as well. Then I stood in front of the mirror inspecting myself, cheeks surely roasting hotter than the fires of Mount Doom. My lips pursed to one side. I awkwardly settled a hand against my right hip. Then I swept my hair forward over one shoulder. Only to brush it back again a second later.

Couldn't decide which way had a more 'come hither' look to it.

Narrowing my eyes, I whisked it forward again.

Then back.

Forward.

Back.

Fo-

Ugh, forget it and move on already!

Just then, I remembered something. Hesitantly, I turned my head, my eyes drifting almost unbidden towards our suitcases cluttered together in one corner of the spacious bathroom. Not really sure why Lea had put them in here when he'd dropped them off earlier. Maybe I'd asked him to and it'd simply slipped my mind. Maybe he'd just been looking for a place to stow them where they'd be out of our way in anticipation of tonight's activities.

Whatever the case may be, they were in here with me now. And that meant…

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I approached them, locating mine and unzipping it. Flipping the lid open, I stared inside and paused in a moment of indecision. Then I grit my teeth and plunged my hand in, digging down deep past my clothes in search of the thing.

You know.

That thing.

The one Anna had made me buy.

I felt my fingers bump into it and I closed them around it, holding my breath before pulling it out. Then I stared down at what I now held in my hand.

A riding crop.

You read that right.

A friggin' riding crop.

Did I have the first clue what to do with it?

Not really, no.

Was I going to bring it out with me anyway?

...sure, why not?

I mean, I was already a bit of a nervous wreck over this whole ordeal, so it was hard to imagine this could make it any worse.

Go big or go home, as they say.

Heart pounding in my ears and insides twisting into a billion, quadrillion knots, I turned to face the door, chin hitched and back straight.

Slinky lingerie? Check. Riding crop? Check… apparently.

Operation Sexy Time was a go.

Let's do this.

I bravely charged forth.

And by that, I mean I opened the door just enough to cautiously poke my head out for a peek.

But I bravely poked my head out cautiously, dammit!

I spotted Lea dejectedly lying on the bed now, sprawled out on his back and smothering his face with a pillow. Heh… off to a good start here. Opening the door wider, I quietly crept a few steps into the room. With how high my blush had cranked up to at this point, it was a wonder I hadn't burnt to a crisp already. My empty hand stiffly found its way to my hip once more. I swept my hair forward again. Then grimaced, pushing it back. Then forw-

Gah, quit fussing, you stupid hands, and just get on with it already!

As Lea still seemed unaware of my presence and with me at a loss for how else to get his attention, I anxiously cleared my throat.

He didn't budge, just groaned into the pillow and muffled out, "What new way have you come to torment me with now, devil woman?"

Such a drama queen. Shaking my head, I began, "Lea-"

"Is there even really lingerie under there or is that just more of your cruel, twisted mind games to string me along and torture me?"

I rolled my eyes with a tiny huff of a snort and tried again, "Lea."

Face still under the pillow, he struck a defiant finger up high into the air, "Well not this guy! Nu-uh, no siree bob! I am done dancing to your sadistic whims! Begone, devious succubus, and tempt me no more with your-"

"Lea!" I snapped exasperatedly, unconsciously smacking my crop against my leg.

Oof, that'd stung a bit.

But it seemed to be what finally caught his attention. He hooked a thumb beneath his pillow now, lazily hoisting it up just enough for him to lift his head and look at me. Then he bolted up into a sitting position, back ramrod straight and eyes all but popping out of his head as the pillow tumbled to the mattress behind him. His wide-eyed gaze met mine. Then darted down to the lingerie. Over to the riding crop in my hand. Then he was madly scrambling to the foot of the bed, sitting on his knees there with his hands gripping the edge of the bedframe hard enough to turn his knuckles white as he heavily and rapidly breathed through his nose.

I just stood there, flushing more furiously and resisting the urge to self-consciously shift my weight from one foot to the other.

OhgodwhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdowhatdoIdowhatdoI-

In a state of mild panic, I abruptly thrust the crop towards him and blurted out, "Shirt. Off."

...sure, that works.

Not missing a beat and faster than should have been humanly possible, Lea yanked his top up over his head and chucked it across the room. Then his eyes fastened on me once more, seemingly eagerly awaiting my next instruction.

Uh…

Nowwhatnowwhatnowwhatnowwhatnowwhatnow-

"Knees," I pointed at a spot on the floor in front of me, "Now."

In his haste to comply, he stumbled and fell out of the bed, crashing into the floor but was quick to recover and prop himself up on his knees before me.

Fudgewhatnextwhatnextwhatnextwhat-

Swat your thigh with the thingie again!

...I'm sorry, brain, do what now?

Well, I mean… it seemed to be highly well received just a second ago, so…

Pulse racing, I hesitated for a split second before piercing the air with another sharp thwack of the riding crop hitting my skin. His muscles visibly grew taut and tense, but he stayed put, his throat emitting an impatient whimper.

...was it really this easy?

...this actually was kind of fun…

Feeling some of the nervous tension start to ebb from my body, I slowly began to circle him now, lightly tapping the lash of the crop into the palm of my other hand as I murmured, "Now… what, oh what am I going to do with you?"

Lea released a deep, throaty chuckle. "...I might be able to think of a thing or two…"

Coming to a stop in front of him once again, I bowed down to his eye level, using the riding crop to lift his chin as I grinned at him. "I'm listening."

For the record, zero sleep was had that Christmas night.

The lingerie did not survive Lea's ravenous onslaught.

We may have also slightly broken that antique dresser.

Oops. Guess they just don't make those things as sturdy as they used to.

Author's Note: HAPPY NEW YEAR! And based on this chapter, have another (belated) merry Christmas xD Figures that my longest chapter to date had to be the friggin' lingerie chapter xD I am almost ashamed of myself… BUT NOT REALLY! No regrets, yolo! Lol, I hope you all had as much fun reading this as I had fun writing it :D

Fun Fact: This was actually the first bonus chapter idea I came up with for this story. It came to me about a year ago while I was still working on chapter… 17 I think? I wanted to immediately start writing it, but I restrained myself, wanting to finish the main story first. But having a whole year with this one-shot in the back of my mind is probably why it ended up being so long, cuz I kept coming up with more little ideas to squeeze into it xD Then of course, I started coming up with the ideas for the other bonus chapters that came before it, forcing myself to wait even longer to write it but aaahhhhhh, yay, I finally got to this one! And did I include Esmeralda's Secrets all the way back in chapter 19 specifically with this bonus chapter in mind? Yes, yes I did x'D Of course, I knew this whole time Esmeralda herself was gonna be making an appearance, but Frollo turned out to be a last minute addition that came to me as I was writing the chapter. But including him made me realize I had a missed opportunity: on one of Lea's and Elsa's many visits to the mall's clock tower which has BELLS, they should've bumped into a certain hunchback who's in charge of maintaining said bells xD Ah well, even tho they never saw him in the story, I've made it canon now: that is officially Quasimodo's job in this AU xD And he's always embarrassed about his adoptive father protesting with his picket signs outside the store of the cute girl he has a crush on xD Poor guy!

So many lines I snagged from the video games and the movies as references this chapter, I wonder if you guys were able to catch every single little one I slipped in? xD And obviously Elsa's fave musical that's playing at Broadway is Frozen 2 (since that's where Show Yourself that she sang back in auditions was from) but I didn't want to CALL it that in the story, but had zero ideas for a clever replacement title, so it didn't get a name xD And while I gave a few details here and there, for the most part I left the lingerie Elsa purchased vague on purpose - I figure some things are just best left to the imagination ;P Lea doesn't usually have such a one track mind as he did this chapter… or maybe he does and he's just usually more tactful about concealing it xD Either way, Lea ALSO isn't usually presented with the possibility of his very hot girlfriend dressing up in sexy lingerie for him, so can ya really blame the guy for being a bit of a horndog this chapter? I think not xP Worry not however, he'll be back to his normal, (slightly) more classy self next chapter xD You can bet tho that now that he knows Elsa has been to the dirty store in the mall, that he has since dragged her back there on more than one occasion now so they could make a few purchases as a couple, hehehe :3 But like I said all the way back at the very beginning, despite the main subject of the chapter, it was still all fairly tame, right? I haven't yet crossed THAT particular line… I may come right up to the line, dance wildly and with reckless abandon on top of the line, but not cross it xD I dunno if I'll ever be brave enough to write a full-on lemon, but maybe one day…. Hehehehe…

Anyhoo, tis with a sad and heavy heart that I must announce that this will probably be my last update for a while. Don't worry, there's more to come! I still have at least 3 more bonus chapters for this story planned! However, I've been working on almost nothing but this story for over a year now and I've finally hit a point where I need a break xD I think I'm gonna take a few weeks and have a breather from writing in general, but trust me, that won't last for long before the itch takes hold of me once again and I'll NEED to scratch it! When that happens, I'm not sure what I'm gonna work on next - it'll be Axelsa, without question, that's just my brand yo, it has bewitched my very SOUL xD But WHICH Axelsa story is the question! Will I update one of my older incomplete stories over on FFN/AO3 or will I get back to work on that new story I have the first 3 chapters written of that I've yet to share with you all? Guess we'll seeeeeeeeeeee xD I might eventually start posting some of my older stories here on tumblr too - they’re all incomplete currently tho and I was hoping to finish them before I started sharing them here, but I might not be able to resist in the end. I have commissioned a couple artists recently, so hopefully you’ll be seeing those soon! I’ll have more of my own personal fanart to share too in the hopefully near future, I just need to wait for my hand to recover as I sprained it being the irresponsible dope that I am and have had to put my doodling on hold while it recuperates xD All of that is to say, you’ll be hearing from me and my Axelsa obsession again in some form or another in the near future, you can count on it!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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