#gotta make more nice elf stuff

[chicinlicin]

💫 pull the thread 💫

[discontentramblings]

new year's eve is for making your dnd characters in bg3, right

[anothersadsimp]

Musical Detour

Astarion x Bard!Reader

Words: 3000

Synopsis: Imagine that scene in Tangled where they're all dancing n stuff but Tav does the music. Thats pretty much it. FLUFF

A/N: THIS STARTED AS A SMALL CUTE IDEA AND HERE WE ARE OVER 3000 WORDS LATER FUCK. Okay back into the void bye.

You and your party had just arrived at Wyrms Crossing after defeating a used to be immortal and a literal god. Tensions were high as well as the exhaustion that flooded your minds and bodies, but there was an elder brain to be stopped. Refugees surround the lower levels of the city, bickering and groaning from long travels. 

“So many people seeking refuge.” Shadowheart mummers. 

“All hoping to get into Baldur's Gate, where my father is held. They won’t get the help they need until we save him.” Wyll notes.

“One problem at a time. Why don’t we set up camp? Me, Astarion, Karlach, and Gale will take a look around.” You suggest, trying to keep your tone light. 

“Sounds good, be safe.” Shadowheart nods, before leading the others to the area we scouted. 

“Well, where are we off to now, oh fearless leader?” Astarion chides. 

You sigh, looking around the surroundings overwhelming you. You see a cobble road to your left which leads to multiple buildings with people bustling about. You turn and nod your head towards the road, “This way seems like a good start.”

You start walking down the path where it leads to the main road. Once you reach it there's a line of people waiting in front of a gate. You were about to start maneuvering around them when one of your companions stopped.

“Oh. My. Gods. It’s the Circus of the Last Days! My mum and dad would bring me when I was a kid.” Karlach exclaims, stomping in place for a moment in excitement. “Tav we have to stop in just for a little bit. Please?” 

Her excitement brought a smile to your face, and you couldn't help but want to go just for her enjoyment. Who knows what silly mischief your current company will get into going in, it certainly piqued your interest. You looked around Karlach’s large frame to the others behind her with your shoulders shrugged, and a natural smile gracing your face.

You knew just how to convince Astarion into getting into trouble, more than he actually realized after you became official. It wasn't just the effortless smile that seemed to radiate off of you that convinced him, but your eyes grew wide as soon as they met with his.

He sighs, “Fine, but if there's any clowns, you’re on your own.”

Karlach jumps with excitement, which makes your smile widen. Suddenly she grabs your wrist and pulls you towards the entrance. Astarion frowned for just a moment after your face, holding an expression that rivaled the sunshine on his skin, was ripped away.

“No stopping those two once they’re together. They seem to be the only one that can keep up with Karlach’s energy.” Gale comments before following behind them. 

Astarion watches a moment longer before jogging up to stand behind you, Karlach taking his spot next to you still holding your wrist. He is still as close to you as he can get, his chest just barely rubbing against the back of your armor. The feeling causes you to turn your head to the side just so with a small smile, always acknowledging his presence. 

Your attention gets turned back ahead of you as the line moves up. As you step up you see an elf in some of the most colorful clothes you’ve seen, along with a ghoul dressed up as hideously as the elf.

“Hello, hello, and welcome to the Circus of the Last Days!” He greets enthusiastically.

“Hello, we’d like to enter please.” You say.

“Ah yes! Come and forget your worries! Benji just has to check if you're a vicious murderer first.” He says with a smile. “Benji!

The clownish ghoul stalks up towards the four of you and begins sniffing the air.

“BLOOD. TASTY BLOOD, SO DELICIOUS” It shouts and laughs maniacally.

“Well, I gotta say that's the first. Sorry folks, I'm afraid you cannot enter. Have a nice day!” He dismisses. 

After seeing how excited Karlach had gotten, and how her shoulders drooped, you refused to take no for an answer. Even if you could feel Astarion perk up behind you at being turned away, and Gale sighing somewhere behind. 

“Oh! Did I forget to mention, I’ve been recently hired! Meet your new bard! And their band of misfits.” You exclaim, gesturing with your arms and showing your violin. 

“Oh! No one tells me anything around here. Well, welcome to the family. You’ll want to talk to Ringmaster Lucretious once you head in. Good luck!” He says before moving to open the gate to the circus.  

You smile awkwardly towards the strange gatekeeper and continue into the entryway. Once through you could see colorful booths lined up, each with a different character expressively trying to get customers. You slowly walk past each one, taking in every detail you can of each vendor. Clearly they’re swindling. Years of being a bard on the streets had taught you a thing or two about how con artists work, and sometimes having to be one. 

“Surprising to see how many people fall for these silly games, just a waste of gold.” Gale comments. 

“Common, I want to play at least one game, the point is to have fun!.” Karlach whines. 

You reach into your pouch and pull out some gold holding your hand out towards her, “Go crazy Karlach.” you say with a smile.

A fiery, playful grin adorns her face, “Thank you!” She grabs the gold from your hand and quickly brings you into a bone crushing hug before racing off.

You, Astarion, and Gale continue walking, checking out the rest of the booths. As you venture deeper into the circus you start to hear music. It sounds like a few people playing together playing a familiar song. One you know by heart. You couldn't help but follow the music, your pace increasing.

“Something catch your attention, my dear?” Astarion asks behind you, but it doesn't quite register in your head and you continue walking.

You round a wide corner to see a little band playing just a few shallow steps down. There's a gnome holding a strong steady beat, while a drow plays strums on a lute. Alongside them was an elf carrying the main melody on their flute. The music begins to take you, the beat drumming in your chest, becoming your new heartbeat. The rhythm of drow’s strumming makes it feel as if you could float away with its voice. You tracked the elfs movements as he played the main part of the song. He’s floating around the crowd, trying to keep them engaged. 

You close your eyes for a brief moment, really listening to the flute. The key they’re playing the song in, each particular note to the beloved melody they play. Slowly you grab your violin strapped to your back with its bow. You can hear the notes in your head, and you know just the right moment to jump into the song.

“Everything alright?” Gale asks, but once again the question falls upon deaf ears.

The three musicians look at eachother, and the tension and volume of the music increase. It’s about to happen, and your eyes coles once more. The main part is coming up and that's when you’ll jump in. You keep your eyes closed counting to drumming that took over your heartbeat. 

1

2

And

You leap down the 3 shallow steps to be on the same level as the other musicians starting to harmonize with the flute. Your eyes were closed, lost in the melodies the four of you create. Your body moved with the music stepping, skipping, turning in whichever way the music desired it to.

People nearby cheered, some throwing gold at you and the three others. Eventually the cheering turned into a gathering of dancing and laughing. Random circus patrons and even workers stop to watch your merry band. The laughter made your eyes open to see wide smiles surround you. Couples and children dance around you causing a wide smile to shine on your face. 

Meanwhile Astarion and Gale stood right where you left them staring at the scene before them. Astarion shifts his weight onto one leg, and his arms cross. He tilts his head to the side as he watches you, and swears your smile blinds him momentarily. Without realizing it the corners of his mouth curl up as you start to interact with the crowd. You crouch down in front of a small human child and poke them lightly with the tip of your bow during a small break. The child giggled, hands coming out to try and catch your bow but you pull away with a twirl and begin to play once again.

“Always up to something.” Gale smiles, his body relaxing.

“You mean always causing a scene? Then yes, they’re quite good at that.” Though the words seem a tad harsh, there's no sense of malice in them. That soft smile of his refusing to leave. 

After another twirl you stop a moment, out of breath but refusing to stop playing. You look over towards your companions and see them looking at the scene unfolding. Only Astarion was staring straight at you. You stare into his blood red orbs the best you can from the distance between you. Even though you’re already breathless it feels as if he took your breath away, and not the performing. Warmth spread through your body from his gaze making you feel both giddy and shy. 

You force yourself to turn away from Astarion to look at the ensemble beginning to end the song. The drum slows, the rest following its beat as the flute dies off. You begin to improv with the strums of the lute as the drum slowly fades. You lock eyes with the drow ready to finally finish the song. They strum the last chord, as you play the last few notes while slowly bowing. You draw the last note out and stop, bowed over in a small lunge-like stance and your chest heaving.

The crowd erupted into cheers, and shouts. Gold clattered onto the stone beneath your feet, which made you stand to full height. Everyone around you had wide smiles, applauding you and the others for the show. You walk over to talk to the other musicians, and help them pick up the gold.

“Did you know they could play like that?” Gale asked, one hand holding his chin clearly amused. 

“I-I had no idea.” He said in disbelief. 

They both knew you could play, have even heard you practice no matter how hard you tried to hide it. But they had no idea how well the practice had really paid off. They had no idea how well you actually perform in front of people. Astarion briefly wondered how your name wasn’t well known for your talents. 

You turn away and leave the group of musicians behind you, violin packed on your back, and head towards your companions. About half way there the small child you poked ran up and tugged on your pant leg. You crouch down to see they have a few small wildflowers in their small fist held out towards you.

“Thank you! These are beautiful.” The child lights up at your words and runs back towards their parent. You stand back up and continue to walk back towards your friends. You look down at the flowers and pick one to put behind your ear.

You stop in front of Astarion and Gale, still too preoccupied with the flowers to see their astonished faces. Once you were satisfied you looked up at them, and you can’t tell if the warmth you’re feeling is embarrassment or residual from all the dancing. 

“That was amazing!” Gale exclaims, his smile wider than you’ve ever seen. 

You let out a little huff of a chuckle, a bashful smile adorning your face, “Thanks.”

“So, you do really have talent after all.” Astarion teases, with a wicked smirk to match.

Somehow you can't help but relax from his silly teasing, a genuine smile coming back as you hit his shoulder. “Shut up” you mumble. 

“It’s really a shame Karlach missed that. She’ll be sad when she finds out, no doubt.” Gale comments. 

“Please, she would’ve burned her heart out from dancing if she were here.” Astarion cracks.

“We should probably find her.” you say trying to change the topic, “The games couldn’t have taken that long. I saw her run off that way” you point. 

“Right. Well let’s make sure she hasn’t burned anything, yes?” Gale rhetorically asks as he leads on the way in the direction you pointed towards. 

You turn to follow Gale but stop when you don’t feel the vampire's presence behind you, “You coming?” You ask.

You turn around after asking to see if he’d followed but you still see him standing there. His arms were no longer crossed, he had one hand on his hip that was jutted out and the other resting at his side. His eyes were still trained on you almost as if you had put him in a trance. He finally made eye contact, and that subtle smile that naturally came to him when looking at you grew. 

Astarion started making his way to you, never once looking away from your widened eyes. You couldn’t look away from him as he stalked towards you, Gale and Karlach forgotten from one endearing gaze from your vampire. You take note of that cute little smile that adorns his face. It’s small, but it's rare to see a smile like this one from him. Once that's genuine.

He stops in front of you, one hand coming to grab your waist to bring you closer. You raise your hands up to his chest, one hand still clutching the other flowers the child gifted you. You’re nearly chest to chest if it weren't for your arms trapped in between you two. The hand on your waist now further towards your back as his arm wraps around you. The other hand comes up to the one holding the flowers, running his fingers gently over the back of your hand. 

“You really are something, you know that?” His voice is deep, and low enough for just you to hear. 

“That I am, though I do hope you mean it in a good way.” You tease, head cocking to the side. 

“Depends on the day, really.” He says with a dumb contemplative look on his face, that smirk never leaving. “But yes, I do mean it in a good way.” 

He looks back into your eyes, before the drop down and he leans closer. Both of your eyes close in unison as he gives you a gentle, chase kiss. You unintentionally softly sigh into the kiss, loving the feeling of him close to you. He pulls away and you’re still momentarily dazed, eyes taking a second before opening to see him looking back at you.

A little chuckle escapes him at your dazed expression, “Aren’t you just an adorable little pup.” 

You hum at his teasing comment, slowly coming out of the trance he put you in. You look at the flowers still clutched in your hand and grab the small red one with your other hand. 

You somehow get closer than you already were, your lips grazing his ear, “Same can be said about you, my love.” you whisper. 

As you tease him with your breathy words against his ear, the hand holding the small dainty flower comes up to place it in his luscious locks. Your hand brushes his other gently as you work causing the smallest of gasps to escape his lips, you would’ve missed it if not being so close. You step back after twining the flower into his curls, taking in every detail of his face and your work. The red hue flower perfectly matched the highlights of his eyes as they shine in the sun that bathes the entirety of Baulders Gate.  

“Perfect.” You smile. “Anyways where did the other misfits go?” You wonder, starting to turn around looking for them. You start walking in the direction you saw Gale disappear to, leaving Astarion behind. 

He stared in bewilderment as you walked off, not quite ready for you to turn the table so fast on him in more than one way. ‘Certainly is something’ he thinks to himself as a small smile of disbelief graces his lips, before walking after you. 

BONUS:

You and Astarion were still looking for Gale and Karlach. The circus really wasn't too big, and how does one lose a tall, rambunctious, fiery Tiefling. You were coming up on the last few booths, and still no luck. Did you pass them?

“Where in the hells are they?” You wonder out loud, beginning to get tired of walking in circles. 

Astarion was cut off, from what was no doubt a teasing or snarky comment, by running footsteps approaching the both of you. People part as you see Karlach jog towards you, you can tell she’s burning hotter than usual. You brush it off knowing it's from excitement, judging by the smile on her face. You then notice she's holding something rather large in both of her arms.

“Guess what I just got!” She shouts.

She raises a large owlbear blush closer to her chest as to showcase it, arms around its middle as if she's carrying a real owlbear cub. You’re surprised it's not being chared by her excitement.

“He matches the one we got at camp, now he’s got another friend!” She screams in excitement. “That game merchant had no idea what hit him!”

“Oh, no. Please tell me you didn’t set anything on fire.” You groan

“No, but they will need a new strength gage, and hammer.” Gale chides in, strolling behind Karlach. “Quite an impressive display nevertheless.” 

“Somehow I’m not surprised. Now I heard something about a terrible clown? Let's see how terrible.” You say with genuine curiosity.

“You’re really gonna drag me to a clown show?” Astarion scoffs.

“Come on! It’ll be fun, well fun to make fun of him.” You say, having to think halfway through after listening to yourself. 

Your hands grab one of Astarions before dragging him along with you to the circus stage. He groans and reluctantly lets you lead him away. The other two follow behind you, Karlach distracted with her new plush and Gale wondering how he ended up with such fools.

[gddmgttsu]

Hello!

(I have a nasty habit of wanting to write only about bad things so let's talk about something else)

I've somehow read all of Dungeon Meshi within the last two days or so. Time well spent I'd say...

The first time I've even heard of Dungeon Meshi was seeing all the Twitter clips from the first episode of the anime. I thought the premise was cute so I decided to take a peek at the anime with a friend.

The first two episodes were alright but at the time it didn't quite grip me as much as I thought it would. While I loved all the characters doing their thing, it was missing something that would really hook me in you know what I mean?

=======SPOILERS I SUPPOSE======

If you haven't seen any of it yet, please go and check it out it's pretty good. I wouldn't want to ruin anything about it for the blind.

After the second episode I just put it off for a bit but a month to so later, I saw a twitter clip or maybe it was a teaser that was about Falin's resurrection. I was astonished to see not a digested corpse coming out of the dragon but a goddamn skeleton of what's left. That was what I was missing in order to get hooked so my interest was fully piqued.

So now I've gotten around to reading the whole thing and MAN was I surprised. The world is so interesting, the characters are all loveable and it gets surprisingly dark every now and then. It touches on alot of themes that I like involving death and the stains of time.

My favorite manga of all time is Berserk so the moment the manga started getting into that stuff I was fully invested.

One of scenes that really stood out to me were Marcille's nightmare and how it sets up that bit near the end. I don't really know much about elf lore and I just beat Baldur's Gate 3 so it was interesting to learn more about how an increased lifespan is just sadness for the elf in question.

Seeing Laois get touched by her nightmare and immediately starts aging and freaking Marcille out just made me go "OH NO IS THAT WHY SHE'S AFRAID" and it makes me sad to think about life without your loved ones.

Another one is Senshi's backstory with the Griffin and how he had to live a long time with that gnawing thought at the back of his head. It thoroughly explains why he's so adamant about eating a balanced meal and how living as healthy as can be is so important to him. I honestly teared up pretty bad seeing those final panels of him eating the hippogriff stew.

I suppose my only nitpicks is that we never really got to hang out with Falin enough. I would have loved to see more of the gang interact with her since from the flashbacks and what little time we do get with her, she's a sweetheart too.

There's also Itsuzumi and how I personally don't think her arc was fully done but at least she had her moment with the succubis.

These are very minor and there are even more minor ones and honestly I don't mind them very much because the story is already like a 10/10.

=========SPOILERS END=========

The volumes kept ending at cliffhangers so I couldn't stop wanting to read more and more so I ended up binging the whole thing.

I'm glad I did though because the manga went into detail a couple of things I've been thinking about recently too. It just nice to see and read thoughts about the little things that bother me right now. Even if it is through a silly manga about eating monsters.

Honestly, the manga influenced me maybe like 10-30% as to doing a bit better with how I treat myself and my health.

To close it off, I gotta say I really loved it and I'm excited to go through it again with the anime. Hopefully my friend won't mind if I drag them with me since I left them at ep2 hehehe.

TLDR: FARCILLE IS REAL DON'T LET THEM TELL YOU OTHERISE

[prismatic-bell]

Hey everybody, it's SMALL BUSINESS BLACK FRIDAY!!!!

Friends, Romans, countrypeople, all my scallywags and hooligans, longtime veterans and Twitter refugees, it's that time again.

LET ME YELL AT YOU EXCITEDLY ABOUT MY ROOMMATE'S ETSY SHOP

Follow me under the readmore and let me expound, Watson.

It is WINTER, and thus time to MOISTURIZE and KEEP YOUR SKIN HEALTHY. You can do this with a variety of products sold worldwide but none will provide you the scent and satisfaction of HANDMADE COLD-PROCESS SOAP. Perhaps you'd enjoy the light, subtle scent of green tea and cucumber, or maybe you want to smell like a movie cowboy looks (so, you know, all the good stuff without the sweat and cow poop). If you want to make your bathroom smell nice for guests this winter season consider the aptly-named Christmas Tree scent, or you can clean and exfoliate with my personal favorite, Coffee scent with real coffee beans in it. None of these quite your thing? No problem--click into the main shop, there are seventeen scents from apple to lavender and I've only shown you four.

Now that you're clean, I must insist you pamper your face with ZEO'S LIP BALMS which are as soft and silky as a kitten's itty-bitty nose and come in many flavors

Are you a proud BASIC BITCH like moi? Would you bleed pumpkin spice if we cut open your veins? Do you wear a toque with a bobble on top and screech excitedly every time you see the leaves turn color? PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE BRAND-SPANKING-NEW FALL FLAVORS LINE which has not been available in person for like three years and not online, um, ever. Featuring such delights as Chai Latte and Cinnamon Donut (among others), all you need is a favorite cozy sweater. Or, if you're slightly more bougie than that--an Intermediate-Level Bitch, let us say--you may enjoy THE COFFEE SHOP LINE, which is also entirely new and features all your faves from your local cafe--whether you enjoy the simplicity of Black Coffee, One Sugar or the sucrose-soaked glory of a Caramel Macchiato. And if you simply gotta have a classic, you can do so in mutiple ways with the reintroduced WIZARD OF OZ LINE. I can't pick a favorite from this one. It's like picking a favorite child. From the sharp and strong Rosemary Spearmint of the Wicked Witch to the Chocolate Cinnamon sweetness of the Tin Man's exceptionally large heart, it's a delightful collection that--yes--features two perfect cold-weather flavors, Dorothy's Cinnamon Apple Vanilla and the Scarecrow's Spiced Orange Vanilla. (okay, okay, Dorothy's my favorite.) Ah but PERHAPS YOU ARE WONDERING IF ZEO'S RESTOCKED YOUR FAVORITE. Have you heard me rhapsodize before about the Sailor Senshi balms, Steven Universe flavors, or variety in the Overwatch line? Good news for you--all of these, along with Yuri! On Ice and Wonder Woman, have been restocked. COME REPLENISH YOUR FAVORITE.

Now that your lips have been touched by the equivalent of Julie Andrews personally gracing you with her presence, HOW DO YOUR HANDS AND FEET FEEL???? Bit scratchy, perhaps? Nipped up with the weather? In need of some TLC? Zeo's fantastic CUTICLE OIL doing wonders for your fingernails and the areas thereabouts, but you need something more heavy-duty for the rest?

Well grab a pair of socks you don't mind getting messy and pick up THE MOST AMAZING HAND AND FOOT SALVE YOU WILL EVER OWN. I will personally swear by it. Your poor abused soles and fingers will feel as though they've been dipped in the sparkles ubiquitous to Disney princesses and then wrapped lovingly in the finest of elf fabrics. You will wake up in the morning certain your skin has been carefully and benevolently replaced by a supernatural being that wants you to have a really fantastic day. "Half an ounce? That doesn't seem like a lot--" You don't need a lot. There is every possibility Zeo secretly got this recipe from Miracle Max.

Is this whole post just an excuse for me to post funny gifs? No, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it.

SO WITH YOUR FOOTSIES AND TOOTSIES PAMPERED PERHAPS YOU'RE ALSO OF THE HIRSUTE PERSUASION, or, statistically likely, know somebody who is. You need your whiskers to behave themselves and remain as the most luscious facial locks so you might, someday, aspire to be this gentleman.

(I think we all aspire to be this gentleman, whoever he is.)

ZEO CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT TOO

Moisturize your muttonchops with BEARD OIL! Condition your chin with BEARD CREAM! Subdue your stubble with BEARD BALM!!! All three of these products will provide you with soft, supple whiskers, and the beard balm can be used to do some lightweight taming. (It also works on regular hair on particularly staticky days, if you're the kind of person who has that kind of trouble.)

NOW THAT YOU'RE ALL CLEAN AND MOISTURIZED DO YOU WANNA SMELL GOOD

HECK YEAH YOU WANNA SMELL GOOD

Tumblr has decided I don't need any more gifs because apparently I've abused my power too much, so you're all spared from my horrible Jack Sparrow puns. That's okay because according to Johnny Depp, Jack smells absolutely horrific.

INSTEAD LET ME INTEREST YOU IN THE NEW ALICE IN WONDERLAND LINE OF SCENTED OIL ROLLERS

There's Alice. There's the Hatter. There's the Queen of Hearts. There's lush, English scents and a teatime to make your heart sing. All are guaranteed to delight you but the Queen, especially, is a wonderful winter scent.

HEY BUT MAYBE YOU LIKED THAT COWBOY IDEA SO YOU SHOULD TAKE A GANDER AT THE TRIGUN LINE Featuring our favorite foursome (Vash, Wolfwood, Millie, and Meryl), you have four fantastic takes on The Old West But In Space In The Future. You assume gunpowder? YOU'RE RIGHT. You assume leather? CORRECT. You assume vanilla? ....no? You haven't watched the show recently enough, go back and do it again. Take some donuts as snack food.

BUT DID YOU PERHAPS WANT SOMETHING A LITTLE SHARPER AND MORE ESOTERIC, YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN THE YONA LINE WHICH NOW ALSO HAS TWO NEW SCENTS Designed to smell as though you're hanging in ancient Japan with dragon gods, these are admittedly not my faves (personal preference, I'm not the patchouli type) but are adored by all who try them. So what, Nina, is your type, if not patchouli, you ask, AND FRIEND I WILL REFER YOU TO THE DARK TOWER LINE. On first glance this is similar to the Trigun line, but there's one major difference: where Trigun leans heavily on hope and light, The Dark Tower is postapocalyptic and comes with a tinge of darkness and danger. These are the smokier scents, the heavier scents, the ones with just a hint of bitterness at what a better, fairer world would have been--but with such joy that for this moment, at least, we are here, to enjoy what we have.

Ah. But you, friend, you're the more particular type. You need something a little more unique. In that case, allow me to introduce you, please, to THE YU-GI-OH LINE. Featuring ten characters from the original show, there's no taste this line won't match. A sexier gambler-slash-archaeologist than Indiana Jones could ever hope to be? Choose the suave and masculine Suguroku. Sexy and sophisticated lady of status? Mai Kujaki. Your life's goal is to smell like the physical embodiment of a Claire's store if Claire's actually sold decent body sprays? Anzu Mazaki. A mystery wrapped in an enigma and tied up with a whiff of the esoteric? May I present Ryou Bakura?

AND NOW FINALLY

THE DENOUEMENT OF THIS POST

From the time this post goes live until midnight Arizona time on Monday, all items in the shop are 25% off for the Black Friday weekend. This is an automatic sale and requires no input from you except your purchase.

COME BASK IN THE DELIGHTS OF SELF-CARE AND SUPPORT A SMALL BUSINESS!!!

[coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic]

A Flirt and a Hero?

This is my first fanfic on here and it’s been AWHILE so be gentle with me and let me know if you want more!

Slight warning!: hint of violence and gross intoxicated men flirting.

——————————————————

You were on your first month or so working at this tavern/inn and it was the busiest time of week, thankfully it was still early and the rush hadn’t come yet. You had gotten used to the brash comments and drunkards of the nightly crowd, getting to know a bit of the regulars and hearing the tales of adventures near and far, though half the time you know most of the stories are a bit stretched to say the least. Although it paid fine and the tips are typically pretty good, given you were a fairly attractive elven woman, it wasn’t too hard to flirt your way into making a few extra coins. Plus you enjoyed a good flirt once and awhile.

As the night was picking up and the crowd was flowing it slowly but surely you saw some familiar faces, some you like and some you frankly wish they’d lose a bar fight and never come back but what can you do, just smile, get the ladies out a bit and work your magic, just another night.

You were bringing out an order along with another barmaid that worked there, cute curvy tiefling girl named Scarlett who had been working there forever apparently. Walking over to her table she took lead and was doing most of the talking, being respectful to her getting her tips you remained on the quieter side of things and spoke when you had to, dropping off the drinks, it was a loud group that you had seen fairly often, Vox Machina is what they called themselves, you yourself hadn’t heard of the group but a few coworkers sure did.

The small male Gnome was flirting up a storm to Scarlett, not that you could blame him, some of the stuff he said was…creative to put it nicely. Though there was a certain half elf man that caught your eye and luckily you had his drink.

“And this is for you handsome.” You said as you sat his ale down on the table, he turned his head to you and gave a smirk followed with a light chuckle “well well if I knew the service would be so charming I would’ve dressed better.” He returned your energy, you knew were going going to have some fun flirting with this one if he keeps it up. “I bet you say that to all the barmaids” you teased as you playfully pouted and walked away from the table with Scarlett. You felt his lingering gaze upon your back and you couldn’t help but have a slight grin on your face.

As you continued to make rounds, refilling tankards and bringing over food you caught the waving of a hand, your eyes followed the arm and saw that same half elf man dressed in black, although he was at a different, smaller table and his friends were scattered about the tavern. You sauntered over towards him with a sweet smile. “Need something?” You ask as you hold the currently empty tray in front of you, flat against your body. “Yes indeed, I need your name, love.” He stated as he leaned onto the table he was sitting at, resting his chin on one hand, the other gesturing for you to join him. You get closer to the end of the table but don’t sit down, you might get in trouble for that given it’s gotten so busy. “My name? How can you ask me that when I don’t know who you are?” You tap his nose with your finger to further the flirtation and he takes your hand gently before you can pull it away and placed his lips on the back of your hand, giving it a kiss. “The name is Vax, now it’s your turn beautiful.” He gave you a wink afterwards.

Even you, who’s heard every line, every flirt and then some felt your cheeks become slightly warmer than before, he was good and he knew it. “Well if you’re gonna kiss me more to get my name, maybe I won’t tell you!” You playfully pulled your hand back and rushed off, gotta leave them wanting more right? Even though you were the one wanting a bit more this time. He, unbeknownst to you, swiftly followed you back to the bar and was sitting down when you turned back to head back out to deliver yet another ale. You stopped, a bit surprised he was so quick to follow.

“Now, aren’t you a naughty one.” He chuckled out as he scanned you from head to toe and back up. Your uniform tight against your body and corset bringing out your curves. “Wait right here and I’ll tell you anything you want.” You say as you pass him, speaking softer so only he would hear. Your free hand brushing some hair as you do so. You deliver the ale to the table and one of the very drunk men grabbed you a little more aggressively than you’d like. “Oh- was there something else you needed?” You asked, trying to pry away from his grasp slightly, it was no use. He pulled you onto his lap and was trying to convince you to come with him for the night.

“C’mon little lady! A pretty thing like you should have fun with someone like me, let me show you a good time!!” He was slurring his words and barely keeping direct eye contact despite you being literally on his lap, you hop up and push away saying “No! Now let go of me!” He had said some less than respectful things to not only you but every waitress in here so he lost the whole ‘politely decline’ privileges. As per usual this didn’t sit well with him or his other wasted buddies at the table. You were backing away as they advanced and soon you felt an arm snake around your waist and pulled you away, as you looked you saw a familiar black garb and saw Vax. “Now I believe this lady and many others have said ‘No’ and I best believe your respect that before you get your ass beaten.”

The men in front of you both laughed. “And what are you gonna do pretty boy?! Hit me?” Vax, who was calm as still water laughed himself a bit and shook his head “Oh no no, you’re mistaken, I can’t be bothered with that, but he will.” He pointed.. above him? Oh right! He has a Goliath friend! From what you saw he was the cheerful one other that the Druid girl, but when you saw him now he looked battle ready, even without a weapon in hand. He threw his fist into his other hand and had a bloodthirsty grin. “Best we go now, love” Vax spoke softly to you as he weaved you both through the crowed just in time for the brawl to break out. You blinked as you watched the main hall get absolutely destroyed by not only the man and Goliath but everyone else who started fighting elsewhere in here.

You looked up at him as he let you go, his hand resting on his hip paired with his grin. “A flirt and a hero I see, what a combo.” You smile and close the distance a bit, your chest touching his. “My name is Y/n, it’s nice to meet you Vax.” His grin grew bigger as you got close. “Trust me, the pleasure is mine. Wanna get out of this place?” You weren’t sure if he meant to have some ‘fun’ or to just flirt more but either way you were game.

[runawaymun]

Hey is there an elf headcanon you wanna rant about that's been tearing your heart out and using it as an embroidery tool? I feel like it's good for authors to get to air this out every so often.

this is has been sitting awhile just because I have been trying to figure out how to put the New Thought into words!

I've been thinking a lot lately about differences between Men and Elves and taking the consequences of what we know about how each interacts with Music to their logical end. So... this has somehow manifested in me thinking about how Elves build homes and decorate them vs how Men do. (and as per usual, this relates to Elrond and how he is different from everyone around him!)

Elves are super orderly and are bound to Arda and bound to their Themes...and they have all the time in the world to really think about their spaces and curate them. So I wouldn't say they're necessarily minimalist, but all of the decor is really built into the structure of the building -- especially for Noldorin Elves who like to Make Shit. So Elves don't really decorate with objects -- like, all of their objects are already inherently gorgeous in how they make them. Down to the silverware. So that's "decor" in a sense. But rather than clutter objects, you get beautifully wrought wall sconces and incredibly detailed murals -- stuff that got built into the building. And when it comes to soft items for making a space comforting, since they don't really spend hours on end sleeping and beds are more for relaxing & sex, and they don't feel temperature, I think they might just have like one or two pillows and one gorgeous coverlet and that's it.

Like they don't really get setting up objects around the room. But humans do it because we don't have the time to think so deeply and most of us don't necessarily build our own homes like that. We nest somewhere. So we bring in objects we love to surround ourselves with and sometimes it can get rather messy, and that's Really Weird to an elf. Especially if you're bringing in rocks/twigs/feathers etc. etc. because that has a home outside??? What are you bringing it inside for??? Leave it where it is???

And then this also brings me to Elves and clutter objects in general -- and collectables/gifts. And I can't remember if this is canon in Laws & Customs or something but I've just decided that you can't just give "raw materials" as a gift, short of flowers (but even then those ought to be arranged carefully into a nice bouquet). Like most Elves won't be mean if you hand them a cool rock you found but they'll just be confused.

Anyway this leads me to Elrond. I've already headcannoned that he has a level of nesting & bowerbird behavior from the Ainur genetics (What are Doriath and Mordor and Taniquetil but Big Nests? Rivendell = nest). And then, via Ainur have Bird Tendencies, that leads to bowerbird behavior of "I have a MATE and so thus I need to DECORATE" -- so naturally this leads to him absolutely going ham feral on Rivendell when he and Cel get married (hello pillows, hello blankets, hello clutter objects and ribbons and feathers etc etc. etc. oh Celebrian likes weaving?? Hi babe I bought you seven looms for your loom room!! Cel: "Wh--")

ANYWAY this brings me to the Mannish side of him, and I wonder how much of the decorating instincts are mannish. As well as the gifting instincts. And when he was younger he kind of learned that rocks & stuff aren't appropriate gifts. You gotta do stuff with that. And he just got super repressed about all of the collectibles and tried to keep that tamped down. Then Cel comes along and he starts leaving her rocks and she's like ????? and Gil's like that means he likes you. And once Cel gets the hang of this I think they make a great team. He collects cool shit and she does all of the crafting/carving/etc.

But yeah I've been thinking a lot about how Elves want things to be orderly, and how this might extend to even a room, and how each piece in that room is carefully designed and curated to be harmonious with everything else...and men, we just throw shit in there because We Like It.

[tokillamockingbird427]

I agree, Elias is a great dad, he'd be so nice/patient about what his boys do.

He'd also be so proud of them, that he'd just talk about their interests at the moment to the Ghosts, because he gets invested into too, because he wants to know what his boys like, no matter if it's books, games, shows, animals or whatever. He will look into it too so he can keep a conversation with the boys about it, but just so much that they can tell him new stuff about it. He always tries to stay up to date with that, so that when he's somewhere else or in general he can keep an eye out for related stuff he can bring back for them.

It makes for funny/awkward situations later, when someone asks if they still like this or that and Logan or Hesh just stand there "dude, i liked that when i was like 12, how do you know that?" And then they gotta explain that Elias wouldn't stop chewing their ears off about it at the time

-🐑

Yesss, he just whips out the photos of them he has in his wallet anytime the topic of anything even vaguely related to them comes up. Mention video games and he'll go on about how good Hesh is at them, sports and you'll be regaled with Logan's latest volleyball game. Wanna hear about the boys making their own treehouse? No? Too bad. You're gonna hear it anyways.

I think it would be real cute if the Ghosts knew he wanted to keep up to date on the stuff the boys are into so they start giving him info on said things because a few of them are into the same things as Logan and Hesh. They're all Elias's "guy on the inside" and help mostly because they adore Elias but also because the guy going on and on about his kids has endeared them to the Ghosties. And of course, like you said, they don't spoil the hell out of the thing to Elias, just gives him enough to go off of.

Fun fact, I kinda have the last bit of that in a WIP I have, where the Ghosts are already familiar with Logan+Hesh because Elias just does NOT shut up about them. /Aff. They join the team and everyone's just more or less expecting them, so they get a very warm welcome. Cute stuff, and funny, cus the boys gotta play catch up. Lol (Said WIP in questions sees Keegan no clip into an alternate reality where he becomes a familiar to an elf Logan. Everything there is a medieval fantasy type deal. Picture Keegan hissing and swatting at a ball of light (will-o-wisp) like a cat and that's pretty much it. He does almost die tho.)

[plenilune]

actually I should probably mention over on this side of the internet, as it is an all-consuming machine inside of me now and whatever, that I am writing a book again, after a decade-long break to become a completely different person, which was apparently the secret ingredient??? for some reason the ability to actually work on this thing that's been simmering away pretty quietly for two years was kicked out of me by trigun, even though this story is absolutely nothing like trigun except that there's a bunch of assholes doing permanent roadtrips with each other (a feature of many if not most of my favourite types of stories so that barely counts) and it's got my take* on the sad asshole chainsmoker who shoots stuff archetype in it but this one's a nonbinary butch who is still predictably hurling themself face-first onto the bed of nails of gay yearning.

actually it's about a heist gone horribly wrong and how you survive under conditions of extreme late capitalism and corporatocracy in space (you do crimes about it, mostly) and what happens when you're a mess with a bad personality desperately in love with your dead best friend but also really angry at how you're discovering she lied to you a lot so you hate-fuck her nemesis about it but her nemesis was also in love with her so like, now it's weird. you don't catch feelings about it though. the fuck.

alternately, a tight-knit heist crew, contracted by a rival company to steal technology from a major corporation for purposes of sabotage, finds themselves adrift when the heist goes tits up and their leader is killed. still under contract to finish the job, they are forced to partner with the detective who's spent years trying to take them down in an increasingly personal cat-and-mouse game, while also reckoning with the hole their leader's death has left in the family and team dynamic, and with the lies she left behind her.

also it's about cities and workers' rights and the corporatisation of everything, because, have you met me. and there's a b-plot that rowan did to me by accident where saul goodman falls in love with like, manic pixie dreamboy space elf char aznable. don't look at me like that.

anyway I'm doing a lot of reading about this (it's not a research-dependent book but I do want to ground it and also it's an excuse to learn even more about all of the things I am most interested in and also angry about experiencing in real life about cities and capitalism and industry AND ALSO, I, not a detail-worldbuilder, gotta build a bunch of whole-ass cities and planets and I want to HAVE A GOOD TIME ABOUT IT and make weird exciting future space shit!) and will probably do more posting about it because it is becoming My Life. which feels nice! honestly! the last time this happened was a decade ago and let me tell you that book did not have a viable and complete plot!

oh also there's a bunch of danger days in here. gerard way gender icon etc etc

anyway uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh there's that. stay tuned! yelling will definitely occur in your vicinity. sorry.

* I can't promise that this will be the only time I have a go at the gender envy trope that has haunted my entire life but hey. actually it's not even the first time, but I've let Corey take over custody of Rook.

[plounce]

as someone whos played ffxiv for almost 8 years now i gotta say its SO exciting to see youve started playing. i really enjoy seeing you talking about trc and kurofai (unfortunately i know absolutely nothing about xmen so it goes right over my head) and so im excited to see any thoughts you have about the ffxiv story and characters!

HEEHEEHEE. most of my ffxivposting has been in a thread on my twt priv, but after the recent botslaughter im gonna try and move it over here.

im at the beginning of stormblood. here are my thoughts:

as i said previously, in ARR i was very meh on alphinaud. i have a grudge against his ARR va (due to critical role), i was like "WHY are we starting a PARAMILITARY ORG", and i was kind of like hey. im playing a 6ft tall elf lady with a huge axe. you fancy little twerp dont boss me around. the end of ARR was soooo crazy and good though, really kicked the plot into gear for me, and those cutscenes were like WHOA!! OMG THE GUY FROM THE BEGINNING CUTSCENE... and in heavensward he became my little boy. because he basically reversed all the things i didnt really like about him. new VA. constant regret and shame about the crystal braves. and everyone was like awww hahaha youre a nice little boy. and he is. he is a boy. and he's polite. and he got a new outfit that covered his midriff, which i appreciated.

minfillia... im sorry. her VA was so insanely bad. and i never really DID anything with her that made me feel attached to her. she felt very bland and generic. i was like okay cool 👍 see ya. i also think her outfit was so blaaaahhhh like it gave me girl next door final fantasy character, NOT leader of an NGO, which would have been more appealing to me.

y'shtola: one of my mutuals is constantly posting her very cute WoL/yshtola fanart and i thought i would like a bit more than i presently do... i like her! i just feel like she hasnt gotten to do very much that isnt going "hmm.. aether." i think it's delightful that she shares a VA with sera from dragon age. bitches with bangs 4 lesbians

urianger: when i first saw urianger i was aghast. i was like. PEOPLE ARE HORNY FOR THAT THING? but now that ive seen more of his shb/edw outfit im like aha i see. you have gender. you're either like "do not perceiveth me" or "dripping with gold in a lightweight backless gown". i really enjoyed his undercover outfit with the WoD. i don't think he did anything wrong. he was like "yeah i did lie to everyone and help manipulate events to send minfilia to a different data center. i feel absolutely awful about it, i wish my trolley problem principles had not made me deceiveth thou all, i am a horrible villain, pray do not feel compelled to forgive me" and i was like nah youre good 👍 like she isnt DEAD. plus he always tried to help me a little bit when he could. i like his funny voice. i like how in ARR he was voiced by fenris dragonage. take those goggles and hood off again mx tism

tataru: if lalafells didn't look like that. i would be shipping my WoL with her. i think she is so cute and fun and a delight. she is a joy. my girl JUGGLES!!!!! she makes OUTFITS!!!!!!!!! she has A KETTLE WITH A FANCY NAME!!!!!!!!!! and she works so hard. im so glad she got to come with us to ishgard. she is my joy. my light...

thancred: i have heard tell that he really leaves behind his initial lothario characterization, and i really have not seen it in forever, which made ARR thancred perfectly fine to me. i was prepared for him to be much more egregious. i wish i knew him a bit better before he got possessed. i was like oh okay! yeah i guess i havent seen him in a while. which made me sad because i love possession storylines i think they are so juicy. his ponytail and rattee (like a ratstache but a goatee) are funny to me. thancred nakey images were funny. there was a moment towards the end of hvw when he came back and i talked to him in ishgard between convos with nobles and he said stuff that was very commiserating and i was like okay i have decided you and my WoL are complaining friends. sipping the haterade together. i think he's like 5'7". like with alphinaud, the character development in this game has really surprised me with how effective it feels. i look forward to seeing him grimly yet compassionately fail forward even more. and to be a single dad. aforementioned mutual (who i know through klapollo) is into thancred/urianger so im also looking forward to confining them into the yaoi compartment

cid: HE IS MY FRIEND :) i love how he's a short king. i like how he was simply like "fascism and imperialism are bad. i am going to go fight against it by building big airships :)" no qualms no struggle just knew what was right and went and did it. he's like a gay older coworker who you go out for drinks with sometimes and invites you to barbeques. i enjoy him and nero's turbodivorce saga.

alisaie: i completely forgot to do all the bahamut raids in ARR so when she showed up post-hvw i was like oh it's time for the girltwin! and she was like "oh we've worked together already :)" and i was like oh god. we only had one conversation. oops. so far i think she's a delight. i have heard that she's a bit of a lesbo. good for her. love that she gets a sword and she gets to be the mean one of the two twins. i cant wait for her little red jacket. looking forward to more >:)

krile: have not seen much of her so far but i LOVE how she has a cloak with cat ears, so cute. LOVE how she teases alphinaud. im like yes... shared character history... quite fun...

ysayle: I LOVE YOU DRAGON ELSAGARD I LOVE YOUUUUUU BIIIIIIIIITCH... I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. i love her style. i love her political convictions. i love her gap moe with the moogles. i think my WoL had a crush on her. i think it's messed up that during the scene where the WoL and alphinaud are prying the eyes off of estinien, she touches alphinaud's hand. she should be touching MY HAND!!!!!!!!!!!! all love to haurchefaunt but I BONDED WITH HER.

estinien: i know many people like estinien. every time he spoke a word at ysayle i felt like a barking like her guard dog. DONT YOU SPEAK TO MY GIRL IN THAT TONE YOU BROODYBOY SMELLMAN. SHUT UP. i assume he softens up now that he is retired from All That. i thought his relationship with alphinaud was very sweet - i liked when he taught alphinaud how to gather firewood. i think my WoL only tolerates estinien because alphinaud is so attached.

haurchefant: i was still barely reading dialogue in ARR when he was introduced. so he showed up and was like OMG HI AGAIN BESTIE!!!!!! and i was like oh! that man! one of my friends is gaymarried to him so he's like my gay brother-in-law. i am a lesbian and my WoL is also a lesbian so we were hagging/tyking (dyke tyke) out with each other. the facial animation on the WoL when he croaks was astoundingly good. i call him horsey

aymeric: well he certainly is competent, principled, and nice. one of the more handsome elezen men in the game. i know he's implied playersexual so i really need him to stop inviting me to dinner because i have had conversations with dude friends like that before and it is so painfully awkward. i think it is great that he committed fratricide AND popecide. wahoo!

lyse: i really enjoyed yda. yknow. i thought she was such a fun cockney karate bimbo. i didn't know she was lyse. i've heard about lyse. and how she is conspicuously the only blonde blue-eyed ala mhigan. and how she is a source of some of the collar-tugging politics in stormblood. sigh. so. i am now burdened with her.

raubahn: I LOVE RAUBAHNNNNNNNNNN I LOVE HIMMMM i love how he has a small adult son. i love how he is trying so hard. i love how he is so righteous and hardworking. the misery lolorito and ilberd put him through during hvw made me so mad on his behalf. when lolorito was like "oh, how we laughed at how upset you were!" i was like RAUBAHN. HE IS THE PERFECT HEIGHT FOR YOU TO JUST PUNT ACROSS THE TOWN SQUARE. PUNT HIM RAUBAHN. YOU DESERVE IT. and i love a one-armed king. kurogane swag

lucia: i think she is cool and fun. hahaha dont potentially be in love with aymeric queen youre so hot and cool and butch

matoya: SHE'S SO COOL. I LOVE HER DESIGN. HER VOICE ACTING. AND HER RUDENESS. AND OF COURSE THE FROGS

moenbryda: i thought she was so fun and cool. i was like cool!! new character!! big funny woman i love it!! and then near bluefog she dished about her childhood a little and i was like... is that a deathflag. and it was :(

okay thats all the npcs i can think to have anything to say about.

i was pleasantly surprised by the way that lalafells are not the lolibait/shotabait i had grimly prepared for them to be. they are just short funny guys for the most part. moving past that, i then got slammed into by the giant brick that says "BEAST TRIBES". i heard that the new writer has made their writing a lot better (apparently the alliance leaders acknowledge that they have been basically been doing genocide on these sentient beings, which is helping me push forward through stuff)! i do their quests really regularly because i like helping them out. i would really love to see someone with more expertise on the subject write about the presentation of indigenous peoples in ffxiv, because i think that there is a lot going on that is vital to critically inspect.

i have to go eat dinner now. but i will try to post more thoughts on here as i have them >:)

[yourfavsinbg3]

YOUR FAVS IN BG3: Link and Zelda from ToTK!

Link, the half-elf folk hero Ranger, and Zelda, the half-elf noble Wizard.

Reasoning and builds under the cut!

These are specifically from Tears of the Kingdom/Breath of the Wild because there is so much variety in the Links and Zeldas of the series as a whole! I've also only played BotW and ToTK so I'm most familiar with these incarnations. I do plan to attempt making other incarnations, but I'd want to get more familiar with those games first before jumping in. (I do know that OoT Zelda would be a monk, for obvious reasons, but beyond that I don't know much.)

Both Link and Zelda are half elves here because I feel that fits the Hylian aesthetic the best.

LINK

First up: why is Link a ranger and not a fighter? I decided on ranger because of their focus on wilderness survival. Plus, they've got the "ranger knight" subclass which implies service to a noble house; in my mind, that fits Link being the Champion of Hyrule and Zelda's chosen protector. Ranger's limited spellcasting ability is also a nice nod to the runes and abilities he's able to use in both Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom.

His background being "folk hero" feels kind of self explanatory; he's one of the most famous warriors in all of Hyrule, even if no one recognizes him when they first meet him.

Link is a wood half elf, for that movement speed buff. Boy's gotta zip around all day, he's gotta be quick about it.

Build

Despite him being a ranger from the start, the best class to describe Link would be the Eldritch Knight fighter subclass. However, having played that subclass, it can feel kind of underwhelming. I believe a Ranger/Fighter multiclass allows for a similar vibe while being more effective in combat.

For level one stats, he has 16 strength, 16 dexterity, 14 constitution, 8 intelligence, 10 wisdom, and 10 charisma (all pictured below).

I've chosen for wisdom to be kind of a dump stat because he's the Hero of Courage, not the Hero of Wisdom. Man's is a little bit stupid and that's okay. Also, in my experience, the most useful ranger spells are either passive buffs (like Hunter's Mark), or damaging spells that rely on your attack roll to hit (like Ensnaring Strike).

Once Link levels up, he'll be taking an immediate level in fighter. It's important to get second wind and action surge as soon as possible, just because of how useful they are in combat. Also, it's a good analog for flurry rushes and going absolutely ham with the apples to heal during combat.

Beyond level 2, there are a couple different paths that make a ranger/fighter build good. These are just what I've personally experimented with, so if you wanna do something else, go nuts!

One is to go three levels ranger and nine levels fighter. This lets you pick up the "Hunter" subclass and the Horde Breaker ability, which is very good. (Honestly all the Hunter's Prey options are great, it really depends on personal preference.) Fighter subclasses are between Battle Master and Champion; either are fantastic, but I've found Battle Master to be a little overwhelming. If you just want to whack stuff, go with Champion. If you're okay with strategy, Battle Master fits with the "lore" of BotW/ToTK Link better.

Another option is to just do one or two levels of ranger, and slam the rest into fighter. If you do a 1 Ranger/11 Fighter split, you get access to 3 attacks per turn, which is very very nice. A 2 Ranger/10 Fighter split is pretty much the same, but this time you get two spells. Whoopie! These builds definitely offer more raw damage, but I personally don't see the point in having this small of a split. It kind of makes Ranger redundant, so I personally wouldn't go this route. If you're hungering for extra attacks, Hyena ears let you make haste potions, but Wizards can cast it as soon as they get access to level 3 spell slots. (The Darkfire Shortbow also lets you cast it on yourself once per long rest. You got options if you wanna get extra attacks and actions!)

The inverse of this (10 Ranger/2 Fighter) gives you access to action surge, second wind, and you get access to much more spells and more interesting class abilities. This is my personal favorite combination, because I'm a filthy ranger defender. Even so, I can recognize it needs the little extra oomph fighter can offer.

ZELDA

Zelda was actually a lot harder to decide on a starting class for. She's definitely a spellcaster, and an argument can be made that she's a divine spellcaster and therefore should be a Knowledge domain cleric. (Also, her holding the Triforce of Wisdom? That's cleric shit if I've ever heard it.) I can also see an argument for her being a sorcerer, as her powers come from being a reincarnation of the Goddess Hylia.

If there was a divine soul sorcerer class in BG3, it'd be that, hands down. However, there's not, so I personally discount sorcerer as an option here. (Would love to see a Zelda build using this in pen and paper, though.)

(ToTK Spoilers in this paragraph) There's also a very convincing argument that it'd be most fitting to make her a dragon soul sorcerer, because gestures at ToTK. However, I don't think it fits beyond that, though the comparison makes me laugh. Figured I'd mention it for that reason alone.

I ended up with Wizard because most of her work, in both ToTk and BoTW, is scholarly in nature. Zelda is most driven by knowledge and her desire to do better by her people, as opposed to devotion to a god.

Build

Zelda's level one stats are 8 strength, 8 dexterity, 12 constitution, 16 intelligence, 16 wisdom, and 14 charisma (as pictured below). Her starting spells are Mage Armor, Shield, Protection from Good and Evil, Sleep, Magic Missile, and Feather Fall. Her cantrips are Mage Hand, Blade Ward, and Friends. As a high half elf, I gave her the Light cantrip as another nod to her divine power manifesting. (All in the picture below, but it might be hard to see.)

In terms of leveling up, I think an argument can be made that a cleric multiclass might not be a bad idea. However, builds like that are Multi Attribute Dependent (MAD), so they can be a bit difficult to level properly to feel effective. I've never personally experimented with it, and have been advised by friends who are better at this game to avoid MAD builds. I just think it'd be neat, which is why I mention it as an option.

Overall, Zelda has a pretty simple level up scheme: level up into Divination Wizard, get her hands on as many scrolls as possible, and keep learning spells till she drops. Wizards are a versatile and powerful class already, so while multiclassing is tempting, I personally avoid it here.

There is, however, a very very compelling argument for getting three levels in sorcerer, subclass of your choice. Using sorcerery points to get more spell slots, quickened spell and twinned spell... All extremely fun things to play around with. Plus, I love Wild Magic dearly. I don't think this multiclass fits Zelda very well, but it's such a good combo that I had to mention it.

[stagmalinay]

Session 01 part 1

Alright, I have had the strangest day.

First, I wake up in a void and talk to some guy. Well, he sounded like a guy, and he said he wanted to use me as some errand boy, which was fine, I guess, Deshi was leaving for another time anyway, so I said why not, and then got randomly transported to another world. Like Deshi did. It wasn't Earth though.

So anyway, I wake up naked save for this weird belt holding a tiny pouch. Didn't do much to cover anything and the guy never told me what I would be fetching, so I just sort of looked around where I was and tried to find something to wear. I was in some old decrepit buildings and wondered for a second if I'd been transported to the future or something, I remember Deshi saying the future looked something like that, and found a bunch of stuff. It was dimly lit there, so it was kind of hard to see anything, but I found some shiny red, green and clear rocks, some plain clothes which I promptly put on, a second outfit that I stashed away just in case, some cloth, some bone jewelry, thin wooden sticks, and some dirty rocks that I think was food at some point, but it tasted like dirt so I'm not sure.

Anyway, in the midst of my search, I run into a guy with pointy ears and he throws dirt at me. I think I feel it crawling over me at some point, but it goes away and doesn't do me any harm, so I just kind of go the other direction. But then I run into this giant green thing, and it's breathing. He's a little shorter than Lord Carroll, but I decide it's best to leave him alone for the time being.

I search the rest of the cave and end up running into the dirt guy again huddled up into a corner facing away. He really wasn't paying me any attention, so I decided to say hi and scared the crap out of him. He was apparently already scared because of some creatures hanging out on the ceiling of the space in this area. I didn't know what they were, so I left those alone too.

I kept searching around for some stuff and realized that dirt guy was following me. He wasn't doing anything, so I just left him to his business and kept investigating.

Eventually, I came back to the giant green thing and searched the rooms around there. Well, the green thing woke up and decided to make a fire. I chose to stay out of sight but Dirt Guy just went right up and sat next to him. I'd never seen someone with green skin before, but I didn't think it was a good thing. Even so, they didn't do anything violent or dangerous, so I more or less just observed them freely. The green guy got up and left and then Dirt Guy left afterwards. I decided I might as well leave because there really wasn't much left in this building, if you can call it that, and went outside.

It looked like morning and I didn't see the green guy anymore, but Dirt Guy and I saw this small town in the distance and headed there together. Dirt Guy really doesn't talk much.

Here, I learned a lot. The town was called Silver Axe Oasis and this goblin guy who ran a bank helped fill in a lot of information for me. Dirt Guy was a half elf, which was why his ears were pointed, and the giant green guy was a half orc, which was why he was green. I thought that was really weird that they were basically people, but not people. I'd never even heard of orcs and goblins and elves before.

Anyway, this was apparently a tourist spot and the goblin showed me over to this area so I could watch the show. This small hairy guy came out, clearly drunk, and proclaimed himself king where he was pelted by a bunch of red berries until everything was bathed in red, except the small outlined area where Dirt Guy and I were standing. Then he just sort of returned to this room and the goblin went and changed his clothes. Gotta admit, it was a really nice looking outfit before, but the one after was nice too.

After the spectacle, Dirt Guy decided to go and fuss with the chair the king had sat on before, mocking and miming him in silence. I couldn't help but smirk and before I went back into the bank, the half orc must've fully woken up by now and was charging straight into town towards Dirt Guy. For a second, Dirt Guy looked terrified and then just... disappeared. He held up the chair for protection though and I could tell where he was because he never put the chair down. I really had to laugh at this point and soon, the half orc and inviso-Dirt Guy were fighting over the chair until the chair got destroyed.

At this point, I had no idea what was going on, but I was thoroughly entertained. I don't understand anything that's going on in this world, but whatever.

I head back into the bank, the goblin referring to Dirt Guy and half orc as my friends and then fed me and gave me water, which I very much needed. It wasn't too bad. Then the goblin admitted that he liked me, or at least I was easier to interact with than the other two, which I agree, and gave me an explanation on their money system. To be honest, I prefer the favor system of Thera.

Then I had to pay a platinum coin to Pouro who apparently teleported us to Mugen's, the half orc's, home town, so I did. And that's only the half of it.

I'll tell you more tomorrow, but I gotta say, totally understand Deshi's confusion with things on Thera now. As normal as it may seem in some ways, absolutely nothing is normal in a world different from your own.

CONTEXT: Author started a DnD campaign playing as me. Sessions are on Tuesdays and I'll be posting about my experiences after each session. I'll split them up so they aren't too long. Enjoy! And it turns out, I don't care if you're "human" or not, I'll still flirt with ya. 😘

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.55--Episodes 23-1

I have watched through S6E1; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—You seriously have to be next-level stupid to look at the story of Jekyll and Hyde and think ‘gee, what a good idea! Let’s do it again!’

—That part where Henry got New York to believe in magic had mega Buddy the Elf vibes. Which, by the way, is one of my favorite Christmas movies, I can’t wait to watch it soon.

—Speaking of inconsequential tangents, the hotel Rumple was staying in was called Hotel D’or. Which amused me because of Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask. The location in that game was called Monte D’or. And that video game had story for days, let me tell you. I loved playing it, my sister loved playing it, we both cried at the end…good times.

—Henry deciding to destroy magic without consulting either of his *MAGICAL* moms about it was so dumb. How did he not consider that in a family like his, destroying magic would have consequences?

—I’m very glad the no-magic thing didn’t last very long.

—Regina and Rumple are giving some very interesting counterpoints on the concept of light and darkness. Regina’s got the right spirit, in wanting to act according to the light, but the wrong idea. You can’t just destroy the darkness in you, it’s impossible. Rumple has the right idea, in accepting that he has both light and darkness in him, but he’s a little too quick to act according to the darkness. It’s about that balance between knowing the darkness and wanting the light. It’s part of why bringing in Jekyll and Hyde at this specific juncture is so smart.

—Tbh, if I were Rumple, I would just lay down on the floor and waste away. He’s lost his son before birth. He’s basically the best man he can be and Belle still doesn’t want him. He’s lost basically ever person he’s ever loved, and some of it is on him. It’s terrible.

—That vision of Emma’s future has me stressing. There must be a reason we didn’t get to see the face of her killer. Also, the magic that person used was red—the same color as Rumple’s magic. And that robe was so Dark One-esque I thought it was PTSD about the time all the Dark Ones invaded Storybrooke.

—On the bright side, Emma’s killer is not: Snow, Charming, Henry, or Hook.

—It’s nice that we’ve decided Robin is at peace. The idea of just ceasing to existence is literally the scariest thing I can think of, so not having to think about it anymore is good. Also, it’s better for him and Regina.

—YES! Archie returns! And in full force, with dog, coffee, and an offer of help. How do I love Archie? Let me count the ways.

—Actually, Hyde’s old realm was a lot cooler than Storybrooke. I mean, no offense, I love Storybrooke, but that place looked amazing. I want to say the genre is like, sci-fantasy? It’s kinda if sci-fi, but with fantasy instead of fi? There’s gotta be a name for it, but I haven’t got a clue.

—I’m really living for this portrayal of Jekyll and Hyde. The dynamic is both sinister and intimate and there’s an underlying helplessness on Jekyll’s part and violence on Hyde’s, and it’s just right. 10/10

—Are we finally getting some Aladdin stuff? It’s about time! Heck, Jafar riding the magic carpet through the desert shooting magic lasers at a random guy is worth the wait on its own.

—I really hope that Oracle girl isn’t the only important thing we get out of Agrabah. She’s kinda basic.

—I’d love to know more about what makes Aladdin a Savior. Sure, he was the hero of his movie, but not really Savior-level hero.

—I adore Iago. He’s such a pretty bird. :)

—Snow and Regina being friends now makes me happy. They missed out on what could’ve been a great mother-daughter relationship back in the day, but at least they have each other to lean on now.

—If I don’t become insufferable about Dr. Jekyll, then I’m doing it wrong. He is just adorable! I love his glasses, and his fancy semi-Regency clothes, and his genius brain….And his personality hits the sweet spot. I’m realizing right now that I have no clue how to really describe him, which annoys the heck out of me because he really does strike a chord with me.

—I adore that fluttery feeling when there’s a new character to love. Eventually it melts into the deeper connection that makes it so terrible when bad things happen, but the initial stage is fun too. And it reappears a little bit every time you get to see a slightly older character in a new outfit—mega bonus points! But the flutters? Yeah, I need those.

[whoree321]

the bad batch + items i would knit for them

a/n: i’m obsessed with knitting/crocheting bc i’m actually a very very ancient old elderly decrepit person trapped in the body of a sexy young lady. and i especially love knitting things for other ppl bc it makes me feel like a little christmas elf. so this is what i would make for each of the bad batch

***

Hunter: headband

yes this is an obvious one but i don’t care

hunter wears the same rotting headband every single day someone needs to provide him with extras so he can at least rotate them

headbands are really easy to knit so i could provide him with an endless supply of clean ones

ALSO it would be so cute to make the actual headband one of the bad batch colors (black, red, even white) and then crochet little appliqués to sew onto them

like the skull, 99, those would so cute on there like basically how the skull is on his already but more 3D

yarn is also most likely more breathable than whatever he’s currently got strapped on there so comfort wise it would be better too

Crosshair: beanie

crosshair is such a 2015 beanie dude

like i don’t mean that in any sort of way bc he’s a handsome young man BUT he’s very “i’m the misunderstood artsy loner guy who wears leather jackets and beanies and smokes cigarettes and reads classic literature���

and i love that energy for him so he deserves a beanie to compliment it

also i think crosshair is a very chronically cold person but is too proud to ever admit he’s cold so he won’t put on a jacket or use a blanket BUT he’ll wear his beanie bc he can pass it off as a fashion choice

Tech: tote bag

tech has so many god damn things

so many trinkets and gadgets and tools

HES GOT GADGETS AND GIZMOS A PLENTY HES GOT WHOZITS AND WHATZITS GALORE

but anyway he needs somewhere to put all of those things! and if that storage location is also mobile? even better!

I keep a lot of my things in tote bags (literally i keep my knitting stuff in a tote bag) bc it’s easier and then they’re ready to go if i need to transport them

i just think he would get a lot of use out of something like that, plus this is more of a time consuming project and he would have the patience to wait since it’s not a pressing need

i’m making a tote bag for myself right now and i’m knitting a design into it (eggplant emoji on one side, peach emoji on the other side) and i would def do a design on tech’s to make it more exciting and I think he would really appreciate the craftsmanship of it all

Wrecker: bucket hat

crosshair might be a beanie dude. but wrecker is 1000% a bucket hat dude

like wrecker is just such a chad in the best possible way (in the beloved himbo way) and i think his natural state is at like a tailgate (or some kind of outside day drinking event), hawaiian shirt unbuttoned, bucket hat on, sipping a bud light and playing cornhole

bucket hats are more of a crochet thing but they’re pretty easy and quick to make and they’re super cute with little appliqués sewn on like with hunters headband

he would love having a few different ones with different vibes like obvi some bad batch themed ones but other ones too

specifically the one i’m picturing in my head is like a pretty light blue with little white cloud appliqués sewn in all over so it looks like a beautiful blue sky

Echo: blanket

now this is a time consuming project. you gotta really love someone to devote this commitment to them

as much as i love all these lovely individuals, echo is the only one who deserves having these labors performed for his comfort

echo has had almost only the worst of times ever. now he’s like half robot and doesn’t even get to have a robot hand OR his own bed he sleeps in a fucking hammock

he deserves the world, the least i could do is make him a big cozy knit blanket

echo is also the only one who’s patient enough to wait for a nice blanket to be made. everyone else would get antsy too soon

i would use that big soft yarn they sell for baby blankets like i would just buy a fuck ton of it and it would be so comfy

Omega: sweater

omega is the only one i would make a sweater for

similarly to echo i think she’s the only one who deserves such a laborious task, but also she’s much much smaller than the rest so it would be way easier

not to be fully mrs weasley but i would def knit her initial into the sweater

NO I WOULD KNIT THE GREEK LETTER OMEGA INTO THE SWEATER THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE

i’d prob also make matching headbands for her and hunter but whatevs

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 10

A/N: y’all ever think about that one empires episode of pearl’s where she helps sausage fight off a raid and that turns into a pvp battle between them, and she absolutely destroys him? yeah me too. also check out this awesome art by @amostfoolishgold​! anyway back to jimmy pov!

Warnings: injury, unconsciousness, fevers, talk of death, violence, corruption/infection, self-blame

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

The sun was nearing the horizon, casting the Overgrown in a golden glow. The castle was beginning to take shape, but they had unfortunately run low on materials, and Joel and Lizzie weren’t back from their gathering trip yet. So for the moment, they all just sat in the half-constructed shell of a castle, having light conversation as they waited for Joel and Lizzie to arrive. But soon enough, the conversation dwindled into an awkward silence. That is, until Gem stood up with a determined look in her eyes and a gentle smile.

“Why don’t we head to my empire for dinner? We’ve been working hard all day and could use a break!” she said brightly. Jimmy wasn’t sure how he felt about Gem quite yet, after everything that had happened- but she and Pearl had been a huge help. Meanwhile Shelby looked intrigued by the offer, and while Katherine first nervously glanced to the horizon, she looked back to Gem with a smile.

“That is very kind of you, Gem. I’d love to- we should probably just leave a note for Joel and Lizzie to let them know where we’ve gone,” Katherine said, standing up as well. Gem looked to Jimmy semi-nervously- and well, Jimmy was always a bit of a softie, wasn’t he? He smiled at Gem and stood up too.

“That does sound nice, thank you for inviting us,” Jimmy said. Gem beamed, and Pearl looked relieved as she stood up next to Gem.

“Well, you definitely won’t see me complaining about free food!” Shelby chimed in, hopping up to her feet. That caused the group to break into laughter, and the air between them felt comfortable again.

Once Katherine had written the note and put it where Lizzie and Joel could easily find it, the five of them (minus Pearl, who had wings) equipped their elytra and flew off to the Crystal Cliffs. When they first arrived there, everything seemed normal. The grand cliffs themselves, the buildings nestled in and around them, the towers- it was a beautiful and mystical place. But there was something blue, white, and gold that stood out in a heap on the ground near one of the buildings- a very familiar something blue, white and gold.

“Oh my god-” Gem started, landing on the ground beside the figure.

“Is that-” Pearl said, unable to finish the thought as she landed just behind Gem.

“Scott?” Jimmy finished, voice shaking as he came in for a bit of an unsteady landing a few feet away from where Scott laid on the ground, breathing shallow and upon a closer look, something red pulsing and spreading beneath his skin like some sort of vine. Jimmy barely registered Katherine and Shelby landing on either side of him, too focused on what was before him.

“This- this red stuff reminds me of the redstone spikes in Fwhip’s empire- or maybe something from the nether?” Gem pondered as she knelt beside Scott, a purple glow coming over her hand as she reached out towards the infection in his arm.

“I’ve seen that before,” Shelby said, voice sounding distant and laced with horror. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised to hear such a terrified tone of voice from the usually enthusiastic gnome.

“The infection?” Pearl asked.

“The corruption. I’ve seen it happen to my people back home, until it consumed them until there was nothing left- it’s why I came here, to try and find a cure or some way to stop it. But nothing worked,” Shelby explained shakily, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Jimmy felt like he was going to cry too- and some awful part of himself thought that he should be glad that this happened to Scott, that it served him right after betraying Jimmy and breaking his heart- but he couldn’t. Despite everything Scott had done, despite never wanting to see Scott again- none of that meant that Jimmy didn’t want a world where the winged elf wasn’t in it. And what about what Pearl had said? Scott didn’t seem happy with Fwhip either, but now Jimmy would never know the truth. Not if it died with Scott.

Jimmy was so wrapped up in his conflicted mess of emotions that he didn’t even notice that someone else had flown in until Katherine let out a sharp gasp. He tore his gaze away from Scott to see what had caused that reaction from Katherine- and saw Fwhip. A mix of anger and terror boiled in his veins and swirled in his stomach at the sight of him. Fwhip looked baffled to see so many people in Gem’s empire, and plastered on a forced friendly smile. Jimmy’s hand found Katherine’s, and she squeezed it back tightly with no intention of letting go.

“Gem! Hi, so I wanted to smooth things over- I think we left things on a bad note-”

“What did you do to Scott,” Gem demanded, cutting off Fwhip as she stood up from beside Scott. Purple sparks danced in the air around her, and Jimmy swallowed nervously- he didn’t think he had ever seen Gem seem so intimidating before. Jimmy was relieved to see that Fwhip looked nervous too.

“Well, I haven’t seen Scott since our meeting, he seemed upset when he left- weird that he ended up here- y’know I was actually gonna go and talk to him after you-”

“If by talk, you mean do whatever you did to Scott to us?!” Pearl demanded, hand on the hilt of her sword as she took a step forward to stand beside Gem.

“I didn’t-”

“I’ve had enough of your lies, Fwhip. What. Did. You. Do,” Gem said evenly. Fwhip swallowed nervously, before sighing and finally giving in.

“Okay, so I may have set a few traps in his empire and got Sausage to help me with letting a raid infiltrate his village and the surrounding lands- but I figured Scott could handle a few traps and some mobs, it was only meant to be a warning, I never meant to kill him! He must have really gotten soft if he couldn’t deal with it,” Fwhip rambled. Gem and Pearl seemed semi-satisfied with his answer, but Pearl kept her hand on her sword and purple sparks still danced around Gem. But there was something that Fwhip said that bothered Jimmy, and along with what Pearl had said… guilt was beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach.

“What do you mean by that?” Jimmy asked tentatively. Fwhip let out a harsh laugh, turning to Jimmy incredulously.

“The idiot actually fell for you. He was just supposed to be a distraction, a contingency plan to make sure you wouldn’t be trouble. But he got in too deep, and look where that got him,” Fwhip scoffed, looking down at Scott’s deathly still form in disdain. Guilt was crashing on Jimmy in waves now. He had pushed Scott away. Scott had actually cared about him and he pushed him away. And then he had no one to go to for help when Fwhip decided to send a “warning” and got hurt as a result.

“You’re lucky I’m a pacifist,” Katherine spat, more angry than Jimmy had ever heard her. He wished he could have shared her anger, shouted at Fwhip too- but Jimmy just felt numb.

“Well unluckily for Fwhip, I don’t have that problem,” Pearl fumed, drawing her sword. Fwhip started to scramble back as Pearl leapt at him. His backwards stumble turned into a run, and Pearl kept pace with him just fine, using her wings if necessary and brandishing her sword to chase him away.

“Pearl can handle him- can you three help me get Scott to the apothecary? I’d do it by myself, but he’s tall and there’s the bulk of his wings to worry about too,” Gem asked, looking down at Scott worriedly.

“Erm- right, of course,” Jimmy said, letting go of Katherine’s hand to join Gem at Scott’s side.

“Hold on- go to the other side and help me turn him over,” Gem said. Jimmy did as she asked, and being mindful of his wings, the two of them gently rolled Scott over so he was on his back. Scott was feverish to the touch, and even unconscious his expression was contorted with pain.

“He’s hot,” Jimmy said, distant horror in his tone.

“Now isn’t the time for that, Jimmy,” Gem teased, trying to lessen the tension in the air. Jimmy’s face scrunched up in irritation as he half-heartedly glared at her.

“He has a fever, Gem,” Jimmy huffed. Gem laughed nervously.

“I know, I know, just trying to make this less terrible than it is,” Gem sighed. Jimmy gave her a weak smile, and together the two of them gently lifted Scott up. Jimmy ended up mostly holding Scott, while Gem supported his wings. Scott’s head lolled against his shoulder, labored breaths fanning his neck. Jimmy should have felt embarrassed or flustered, cradling Scott like this- but he was too concerned with how limp and unresponsive Scott felt in his arms.

“I’ll get the doors for you!” Shelby offered, quickly making her way over to the apothecary door. Katherine hovered around Jimmy and Gem semi-anxiously, making sure that they had a good hold on Scott as they made their way over to the apothecary. But all went well, and they were able to safely transport Scott into one of the apothecary beds. He had begun to shiver and tremble every so often now, and Jimmy could have sworn the corruption had spread, reaching his fingertips.

“There’s gotta be a way to stop that, or at least slow it down,” Gem murmured in thought, pulling up a chair to sit at Scott’s side. She reached out to the cut where the corruption on Scott’s arm stemmed from, hand glowing purple again. She closed her hand over it, and her eyes began to glow the same purple as her hand. But then the glow flickered, turning red for a moment before it dissipated entirely and Gem drew her hand back with a yelp, stumbling backwards out of her seat beside Scott’s bed. Jimmy scrambled over to help her up, eyes darting nervously between her and Scott.

“Is everything alright? I chased Fwhip off, but I swear if he’s done something in here…” Pearl trailed off as she walked into the apothecary, eyes zeroing on Gem as she rubbed at her temples.

“I’m fine. The corruption- it fought back. It’s… alive, somehow,” Gem said with morbid curiosity in her tone.

“It’s a type of fungus. That’s as much as my people could figure out before I came here to try and find a cure. The red stuff is everywhere in my old home- even if you tried to get rid of it, it would just come back. And in the cases where it latched onto a person… there was no getting it out,” Shelby explained, sounding like she was going to cry. Gem hummed thoughtfully.

“Did you try any sort of magic with it?” she asked.

“No, my people were not magic-users- in fact I’d hardly seen magic before I came here, where the air seems charged with the stuff,” Shelby replied, gesturing around her. A determined expression came over Gem’s face.

“Then I’m not gonna stop trying. I don’t know if I can fully fight off the corruption, but I definitely think I can slow its spread. In the meantime, we’re gonna need to get Scott’s fever down- at this rate, that’ll kill him before the corruption will,” Gem said, resting the back of her hand on Scott’s forehead and frowning.

“He’s probably a little beat-up too- Fwhip did say he trapped his empire,” Katherine added. Gem nodded in agreement.

“We’ll need cool water and cloth to make a compress for his forehead- and I should have some healing potions around here- it couldn’t hurt to brew some more though too, just in case,” Gem rambled, starting to stand up before Pearl put up a hand.

“You two stay here with Scott, I know where you keep things around here. Katherine, Shelby and I can worry about getting things for you,” she soothed. Jimmy tilted his head in confusion.

“Wait, I can help get things too…” Jimmy trailed off uncertainly.

“You can help if you want. I just figured you’d wanna stick by Scott,” Pearl shrugged with a gentle smile. Jimmy flushed slightly as he looked down at the floor, away from Pearl’s knowing stare.

“I… yeah. I’ll stick by Scott,” he said softly, gaze shifting to look at the winged elf who always managed to make his emotions into a muddled mess. Scott was an enemy, a friend, a- a something, then an enemy again- but whatever Scott was to Jimmy now, he knew one thing: he wasn’t letting Scott out of his sight again. Doing so the last time caused this to happen. He had to be there if- no, when Scott woke up. He had to apologize for pushing him away, and hope that maybe Scott still cared about him after everything that had happened to accept it.

-

Taglists below! Let me know if you want to be added/removed!

MCYT General Fic Taglist: @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @gattonero17 @hetapeep41 @space-ace123 @vyeoh

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[angryschnauzer]

Jingle My Bells

Summary: Continuing my AU Rugby Teacher theme that was so brilliantly plot bunny’d by @feelmyroarrrr​, Henry finds himself bored at home having been put onto quarantine due to cases at the school he teaches at. With his school shutting early for the holidays, when his wife needs help at her school, she calls in his assistance for some festive fun... with some after hours fun for themselves too.

Pairing: AU Rugby Teacher Henry Cavill x Teacher Wife

Warnings: Bad Puns, NSFW, 18+, Established Relationship, Public/Risky Sex Workplace Sex, Henry dressed as Santa Claus (yes thats a warning in itself).

Gif by @littlefreya​ and used with her kind permission.

Previous Rugby Teacher Henry Ficlet.

Masterlist on AO3, and old fics can be found at @angryschnauzerwrites​. I don’t run a tag list.

Jingle My Bells

Henry was bored. Two weeks of quarantine after another faculty member had tested positive had meant he'd been confined to the house 24/7. Just as his test results had come back negative and his return to work for the last week of term had been scheduled, the high school had been notified that two students had come in contact with confirmed cases, so to cut their losses the board of governors had simply implemented end of term a week early.

And sure, Henry had done what he could to help keep himself busy; online gaming, World of Warcraft, hell; he'd even helped you mark homework for your primary school class. He cooked dinner for you so it was ready the moment you arrived home, and the house was the cleanest it'd ever been, but without you home with him he was just… bored.

"Just one more day, then its the end of term" you'd reassured him as you'd kissed him goodbye that morning, and he'd pulled you into his arms;

"Will you wear the elf outfit home tonight?"

"Oh, does someone have an elf kink?" You'd grinned and raised an eyebrow.

Henry lifted his hand to the little bells that were attached to your green knit dress;

"I kinda want to find out how i can make these jingle… i have some ideas…"

"Well you can fill my stockings after work, but i've got to go or i'll be late…" you pressed a kiss to his cheek; "Got to set up the area for Santa" 

With a groan your husband released you;

"Fine, but i want you to sit on my lap later"

-

Henry was standing at the fridge contemplating whether eating Babybell cheeses wrapped in Parma ham sandwiched between two slices of toast counted as lunch when his phone rang. Seeing your school's number on the display he was half curious and half worried, but visibly relaxed when he heard your voice;

"Hennn…." You purred

"Oh god… you only use that voice when you want something i won't like…"

"Are you free this afternoon?"

He sighed over dramatically;

"What do you need?"

"We need a Santa. The guy we booked was someone's grandad but he's been on the sherry and we had to send him home because he was slurring his speech and referred to the kids as 'crotch gobins'"

Henry let out a snort of laughter;

"I've met your class… some of them are…"

"Nevertheless… could you stand in? We've got the suit, and you've been quarantining for 3 weeks so are safe… pleeease…"

"Hmmmmnn"

"Hennn, please… i've got a thirty kids that still believe…"

Henry sighed;

"Okay… i'll be there in ten minutes"

“You’ll need to walk…there’s no space left in the staff car park”

He sighed;

“Okay, make it thirty minutes”

-

If there was an award for best/worst performance as Santa, Henry would have got it hands down. Putting on his best pantomime Brian Blessed voice, he'd Ho Ho Ho'd his way through the three youngest classes of wide eyed Little Ones that had thoroughly loved meeting Santa. When it had come to the older kids in the Junior years, generally 8 years old and above, he'd taken a different tactic, instead filing them out to the playground and if they could score a hoop through the Netball net, he'd deem them nice rather than naughty.

By the time hometime rolled around every single child had a smile on their face, excitedly rushing out to their parents waiting at the gate, pointing out Santa to their younger siblings sat in Pushchairs and Prams.

When you’d finally waved everyone off you made your way back to your classroom, the security door alert sounding as you entered the corridor, the hallways quiet where your colleagues had already packed up their stuff and left for the day. Henry trailed behind you, chattering away about what the kids had told him, shedding himself of the fake Santa beard and the scratchy jacket, leaving him wearing the hat, his plain black t-shirt, and the Santa trousers and boots. He flopped down into your chair as you busied yourself around the classroom, his feet up on your desk. 

Moving around him you stacked papers ready to be archived when he wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you onto his lap;

“Come and sit on Santa’s knee”

Abandoning the papers you laughed as you settled on your husband's lap, turning to kiss him and the little bells on your dress jingled as you moved. The kiss went from chaste to needy in a matter of seconds, and you could feel Henry harden beneath your ass as you wriggled on his lap. His hand groped at your breasts through your dress as his lips started a trail along your chin and down your neck;

“Have you been naughty or nice this year?”

You wriggled on your lap;

“Oh I've been Naughty…”

Suddenly you were spinning as Henry fluidly moved to his feet, pushing you over your desk and stood behind you;

“Well i guess i’d better do something about that then” he pulled your dress up with a jingle of the bells attached and smoothed his hands over your ass, the green and white stripes of your tights framing your buttocks. With strong fingers he grasped the thin fabric and tugged, ripping a hole in them and letting out an appreciative grunt when he found you wearing a lace thong;

“You’ve been parading around in that little dress with this poor excuse for underwear beneath all day? You really have been a naughty girl” he purred in your ear as his fingers tugged the elastic aside.

You tried to move away, painfully aware of your location;

“Hen! We’re at school!”

“Shhh… the door alarm to the hallway will sound if anyone comes… so how about i make you cum before that happens, eh?”

His fingers had found your clit as he’d pushed his thumb into your velvet channel, and any further arguments were lost on your tongue as you sighed in pleasure;

“Hen, make it quick… the cleaners will be doing their rounds soon”

Looking over your shoulder you watched as Henry quickly shoved the Santa trousers and boxers down, his thick and meaty dick springing free where he was already rock hard and dripping with need;

“I’m gonna jingle your bells darling…” he positioned himself and quickly thrust in, making you gasp at the sudden stretch of it; “Gonna fill your stockings…”

“Tights” you corrected

“Same fucking thing” he grunted as he started to pound into you, the rhythmic thud of his efforts topped off with the delicate jingling of the bells on your dress. His hands moved and grabbed at your breasts, his breath hot and heavy against your ear as he filled you hard and fast from behind; “Want me to come down your chimney tonight?”

Grinning you turned your head;

“How about we save that for when we’re at home…?”

Henry paused, his eyes going wide when he realised you were agreeing to the one thing in your sex life you hadn’t tried yet, even after being married for a number of years and him dropping numerous hints;

“Really?”

“Well, i know you didn’t put it on your Christmas list but if a elf is gonna be naughty she might as well be naughty all the way…” you winked at him; “But you gotta hurry up now…”

With a grunt of determination he started to pound into you, one hand moving down your stomach and pushing between your legs, rubbing at your clit as he did his best to quickly bring you both to orgasm. Your moans started to get louder, and he clamped his other hand over your mouth as he started to feel you cuming, your body shaking and the loud thuds of his thrusts filling the room as your desk squeaked on the linoleum floor. With a grunt he thrust in deep and at the height of your orgasm you felt him flooding your womb with rope of his creamy seed, his massive hands pulling you to his chest as he buried his face in your neck whilst your cunt milked the last of his cum from his body. 

Breathless and glowing, you rested your head on Henry’s shoulder, your chest heaving before he carefully pulled out of you, pulling your underwear back into place as he tucked himself back into his boxers and Santa trousers. As you shimmied your dress back down you heard the thrumming of the floor polisher along the corridor, your eyes going wide before Henry turned you and rested his hands on your shoulders;

“C’mon, lets get home”

Taking a deep breath you smiled;

“Help be grab the last few bits then we can go”

Five minutes later you were stepping out of your classroom, Henry holding the large box of things you wanted to bring home for the holidays including your peace lily, pulling the door shut when you heard footsteps, turning to see the after hours cleaner;

“Night Mr Howell, have a good Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas Mrs Cavill…” he paused when he saw Henry standing next to you

“This is my Husband, he stood in as Santa today”

The old man nodded and smiled, carrying on with his mop as you walked in the opposite direction. Just as you got the security door you heard him starting to whistle, your eyes shooting up to meet Henry’s as you heard the tune;

‘Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way…’

Henry wrapped his free arm around your shoulders;

“C’mon my naughtly little Elf, i’ll drive you home” he grinned at you; “Then we can see about that chimney of yours…”

You clenched at the thought, your body already tingling at the thought of it. And hey, if you were going to let your husband finally fuck your ass, at least you had the entire school holidays to recover.