#gotta love oversharing
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I can't keep staying up until midnight looking through Tumblr and then catch a whiff of the time resulting in my putting everything where it needs to be and getting all ready for bed
and then deciding that now would be a good time to read Dostoyevsky
#brain why#i need sleep#if you wanted to read you should've closed the laptop#anyways#it's late#and i felt the urge to make this post after i had already gotten ready for bed#4#the only bad thing about this is that i need to be up in 8 hours#gotta love oversharing#you all in the void don't much mind though#i swear i'm actually a decent human#i just struggle with self-control sometimes#whichhh is an understatement#welp#we're all only human as they say#i'll probably sleep now#this has been my daily post with way too many tags#goodnight y'all#y'all are in my prayers tonight#(for no reason other than that i really appreciate you and love you)#tumblr is awesome and you can't change my mind#OKAY#GOODNIGHT FOR REAL NOW#i almost typed gg instead of goodnight lol#BONK#the talkies tag
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Wish I could write meta but apparently I got the "lacks critical thinking skills" trait
#like i take EVERYTHING at fave value#unless im being paranoid and then EVERYTHING is people secretley making fun of me#gotta love autism 🤪#oversharing hours#i can just Project and thats it
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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The. Discrepancy. In the Amount of Lines so far. I mean it makes sense, Alfonse is The Main Guy, and Sharena takes a little time to join. But like DAMN.....
I also had the brief thought of attempting to sync them up, but. That. May be more effort than I'm willing to put in. ... We'll see. Also if their Amount of dialogue IS so skewed like this, it may be WAY more trouble than it's worth LMFAOOO 😅🧍
#sorry this is like the most exciting thing that's happened to me in like weeks. maybe even months.#ALWAYS REMEMBER. YOUR FATE IS IN YOUR OWN HANDS 💪💪💪💪💪👍👍👍💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥#anyways i gotta get ready but like. will likely finish setting up sharena's blog soon LMFAOOO#SORRY I'M OBSESSED WITH BOTH OF THEM. AS IF IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT. I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MCUH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#also shoutout to the one person who's already following this blog on account of me just scrapping what was there#and refurbishing it. nothing of value was lost. i've learned to be brave and overshare on main.#it's.. humbling. as well as cathartic.
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sooo the teacher that i hate and kinda wished death upon every day for the past 6 months just suffered a horrible accident and had a traumatic brain injury….. im gonna be paying this karmic debt for my next 20 lives yall
#gotta be careful who you wish death upon#still hate him tho#yap tag#trauma yap tag#will not be sleeping tonight#i love oversharing on the internet
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sometimes i wonder if my mutuals get annoyed because of how many posts i do in a day..
#like love me i'm so sorry#gotta figure out how to not feel guilty?? by simply existing??#like this is my laptop and you are all just ppl on my laptop??#i can post what i want on this little blog of mine#AND YET!!!#i am hyperaware that ppl have to scroll through my posts and might not like a singular post and then hate me#so like#yeahhh#oversharing on the internet is my favorite pastime#k bye for now lolz
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having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy
#and by night i mean its 5am but shhhhh#what sucks is i was actually building my acting confidence back up quite a bit with my delirium stuff#and i still do wanna do more of that!#but i got reminded that regardless of how good an actor i am i don't meet the 'must be this skinny to have emotions' bar#so i could only ever play her over the internet where people can't see my body#which is especially dumb bc she has like 60% of a physical form at best and yet its always a skinny one#and like i love sandman but it has a fatphobia problem. and the show has not exactly rectified it#kinda wanna draw despair skinny and the other endless not to turn the whole depression = overweight thing on its head#bc hell depression also = underweight and frankly i'd rather have no fat characters at all than her be the only one#but i fear that would get misconstrued and i don't wanna bring down that kinda hate on my head#and like i know i can't change what i look like i've tried i gotta be happy with this eventually#but i see no difference between comic despair and myself in the mirror#and sometimes it makes me feel like im two minutes away from growing tusks#so whoooooo oversharing on the internet#just. i wanna punch something but the something is society so unfortunately that's not really possible#okay to rb if you want i give zero fucks about this being shared im just keeping it in the tags bc that's polite
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gods I love having health insurance
#YA BOI HAS A UTI FOR THE FIRST TIME WOOHOOO#and may i also say: Ow#anyway I'm good i got a telehealth appt with a like 15min wait and they're gonna call in some abx. GOTTA LOVE HAVING HEALTH INSURANCE#so hopefully i can pick up meds tomorrow 👍#doth oversharing hour
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It's incredibly tough because we no longer have social media that's suitable for fandom interactions the way livejournal was. Individual journals + interest communities which could be easily locked/unlocked as you wanted. People had to search out what they wanted etc. Twitter and tumblr just can't do it (and let's not even mention tiktok)
ITS KIND OF SAD......... i was never really on livejournal when i was younger bc i was like 10 and did not know what the internet was capable of offering but even just being on deviantart in the early 2010s gave me a strong sense of community and support...... just a bunch of hobbyists doing their own little things and joining those groups deviantart had was alot of fun for lil kid me!
the best substitute we've got for livejournal these days is like. discord. but thats so annoying especially when theyre specifically locking content behind a discord invite since many of us may not even know if we vibe there!! and its intimidating to be thrown into a group chat with people who already have established bonds ONTOP of not even knowing if youll get along😭
while i think tumblr is relatively good for fandom posting and such i definitely wouldnt call it the best place to make friends with similar interests...... since its hard to really like. have actual conversations with people on here since the ask feature is pretty one-sided, tags arent meant to be responded to a majority of the time, the comments feature barely gets used and the dms system is wonky as hell. and twitter is just a cesspool of reactionary people who dont think before they tweet and are just waiting to make their next callout post, but god is it a good place to hold a conversation and bond with people................ you just cant win these days huh
#proud of myself for not being a tiktok user also#ask#anyone else think todays internet is strangely lonely#like obv i have internet friends that i hang out with frequently and love#but it just feels like it used to be so much easier to make friends ??? but maybe im just getting old and out of touch ????#idk!!!! its so hard finding people to relate to these days for me!!!!!#because it doesnt feel like people care as much for just sharing their love for things anymore.......#either because people are so fixated on the negatives or theyre just drawing whats popular#and not drawing what they wanna draw#which is a bit sad but i get it. capitalism fucking sucks and u gotta do what u gotta do to get by but man. it just sucks#again though. i could just be getting old#BUT ANYWAY. THATS ENOUGH LETTING PEOPLE KNOW IM A REAL HUMAN WITH REAL FEELINGS FOR THE DAY#LOVE OVERSHARING ON THE INTERNET#IM DRAWING HALF-NAKED GIRLS RN THERES NO TIME TO GET EXISTENTIAL#I FEEL DIZZY
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i Need to stop expressing my thoughts on tumblr dot com at 7am on zero sleep, one of these days i'm gonna end up embarrassing myself ALXNALXMSKXNSXN
#idk idk...#it's my little blog where i share my little thoughts; maybe i shouldn't be so shy about expressing them alxmzmxnzmxm#the two moods: wanting to Overshare and wanting to Never Speak Again#gotta love anxiety babey ✨️#anyway i'm. doing it Again ALSMAKXNXDNDN#i'm sleepy and i have the cold so i'm not entirely on the planet right now 😅
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OMG POLL TIME
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ssssSIGHHHHHHHH. i miss daigo *was just looking at him*
YEAH..
#snap chats#i love him sm bro... unreal... every time i think about him for too long i go insane#looking at my daigo locket as tho he were my husband at sea and not a videogame character#funny bit bout that locket tho it happens to fall of its hook sometimes and so it did yesterday so i put it in my pocket#but i forgot to take it out before goin to bed so Imagine My Shock when i wake up this mornin and see the lil thing there#did give me an excuse to look at daigo first thing this mornin.. gave me the energy to exercise it did#yk how when you're working out and you're thinki' shit like#'if i dont do this rep someones going to break into my house and kill my dog and i wont be able to do anything about it'#yeah same shit except i just be thinkin Do It For Daigo Bro#i aint even in the same building as my dog anymore </3#i'll see him again in like. a month when i gotta go to my sister's wedding so that'll be fun ig#no bruh on that i was talkin to my bestie bout that and what i was gon wear#and she really go 'wear the masato outfit :)' and i be like NOOOOO however. it would be very funny if i did#MUCH to consider..#tags are everywhere as usual but i just like to overshare :)
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2 things. 1) i’ve decided i’m crushing on this guy i’m trying to befriend atm. cause why not. 2) he just texted telling me he liked my neil pants. this guy knows nothing about classic rock i can say with certainty so yippee now i get to infodump about neil ^_^
#also i just got out of guitar and we talked about neil a bunch. yayyyy ^_^#outfit pics momentarily i gotta edit them but yeah i’ll post those soon#anyways yeah idk. i do wanna be friends with this guy either way but also i might be crushing or im arospec. lots of possibilities.#am i making up a crush cause im bored or do i like him or am i aro (cause something isnt right here good lord). you never know#anyways i havent had a crush since grade 8…… so this’ll be interesting#this has nothing to do with u guys i just love to overshare on here
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I've been so awful and weird and not cool to people lately and that's gotta change too
#like being in love with randy and making that weird#oversharing and dropping heavy things way too casually:(#ive been powerless to stop being weird and delusional#it stops though its gotta stop
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every time a new thing with my depression kicks up I’m like 😐 bc it’s been 12 years at this point why the fuck are their new symptoms. I thought I had a handle on this shit but apparently not
#As of last year-ish I started having big ol’ struggles with food#like- I’ve never really struggled with food before and now it’s like one meal a day is fine ig bc apparently I’m not hungry? But I know I A#or maybe I forgot to eat bc I had breakfast and then whoops it’s now 4pm and I just didn’t have lunch. I don’t feel hungry#in general I feel numb like mentally#physically exhausted#idk I just :/#in the mood to disappear from the face of the earth#Personal#I’ve been doing a lot of personal posts lately and I gotta stress that I’m not doing this for attention or pity I’m using my stupid little#blog like a diary#I SHOULD write it down instead bc I- oversharing always feels cringe in the end#like stfu no one cares and it’s true or uh oh that’s the depression#idk I feel bad and being sick doesn’t help and then worrying about taking time from here freaks me out bc fomo and insecurity#idkidkidk not gonna say I wanna die but goddamn I wish I was in a healthy body with a job I liked and my own place#and I’m getting worse bc the meltdowns have started up again#sooooo fun#I love being mentally ill and physically ill I loooooove being alive and being stuck living through situations I want to be OUT OF. FUCK
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So i was looking at guitar straps a few days ago because i need one and i saw like that exact strap and actually considered it for a while but decided not to go with that one. If i had recognized it as one that mikey way owned it might have affected my decision. Who knows. The one i did buy has stars on it though so thats pretty cool.
#oversharing on the internet at 1 a.m timeeee#i like stars. and a lot of other trans people i know do also. is there like a thing they do to us is this just a weird coincidence.#what is our fucking problem#yeah.#[insert cool original post tag]#2000s mikey way was just walking around looking like a lesbian. gotta love him for that#that's actually why he had the whole thing with pete. its because they were both lesbians. yeah guys that makes sense#pete still is but unfortunately mikey got hit with the heterosexual beam#idk. it's 1 am i should sleep
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