#gotta do everything my damn self around here/j

[laughableillusions]

They were fucking insane for this

[engstlersbueckers]

E. Engstler NSFW Alphabet

A/N: Haven’t seen anyone do this yet. lets mix it up.lmk what ya think and apologies for any mistakes!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She’s an angel when it comes to aftercare.Asking multiple times if she was too rough with you and no matter how much you insist you can do it on your own,she always cleans you up. “Uh uh. You stay right here I got it baby.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Emily’s an ass girl. I said wtf I said. She’s always grabbin on your ass. Loves rubbing it when you’re cuddling and dont get me started on when she’s fucking you from behind. The sound your ass makes when she’s hittin it from the back drives her crazy. As for you,her hands(quite literally) have a chokehold on you. All she’s gotta do is move her hands in a certain way and your mind just fixates on it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She’s addicted to making you cum. She wont stop until you’re gushing all over her fingers,tongue,strap,etc. Your taste is something she can’t live without.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory,)

She’s not really super secretive about what she wants to do with you. If it’s something she wants to try she’s gonna tell you straight up.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Oh she definitely knows what she’s doing. The best sex you’ve ever had in your life was from her. The way she fucks is unique,but she can lay it down like her strap is attached to her body.

F=Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy. Like i said a few letters ago she loves the feeling of your ass bouncing against her.And in doggy,she can still get up in your ear and talk to you,pull your hair,and reach around and play with your clit all she wants.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Not much laughing during the act but afterwards she’ll have you cracking up. Usually saying something dumb like “I hope I wont lookin’ at you all crazy I was really into it.”

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She always says “The only hair you’re gonna find is on my head” so do with that what you will.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You mean everything to her so she fucks you like it. She takes her time to warm you up before she even takes off her own clothes.When she’s putting her strap in you, she holds you really close and kisses you while she slides it in. “There it is…That’s my fuckin’ girl.So pretty for me.”

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She doesn’t touch herself much. Maybe on certain occasions like an away game she’ll call you and you get off together. But not much other than that. She has great self control.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

She’s pretty big on asphyxiation. She loves to choke you. Especially if you’re in front of a mirror,she loves seeing your eyes glaze over in the reflection and feeling how tight you get when she does it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Yall have pretty much done it all over the apartment. But her personal favorite is in the shower.The warm water running down your bodies while you kiss and touch all over each other,the way she presses you against the shower door. Theres something about it thats so hot to her.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The sounds you make get her so riled up,but it’s one particular sound you make every time she hits your g-spot,it almost bottoms her out she loves it so much.“Oh my god,fuck. Make that noise again baby,I love it.”

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything either of you are uncomfortable with you wont do.Pretty straightforward.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She loves giving you head.Every single time she does you damn near have to push her off you to get her to stop. The sensation of her piercings just intensifies it too.So anytime shes licking up your slit,or sucking your clit you can feel them<3

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Definitely depends on the mood. If you’re feeling really intimate,she’ll fuck you nice and slow and deep. Taking her time to fill you up to the hilt. But when she’s angry or really fired up,it’s game over for you.She’ll have your eyes in the back of your head within seconds. Just pounding away at you like you’re her favorite sex toy.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

There’s not really much time in either of your schedules for quickies so you don’t really do them often. Unless it’s right before a date or an important event and you have some time to kill.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Both of you agreed to be pretty open minded with a lot of things,including things that involve your sex life.So she’s almost always down for experimenting.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Baby,she’s an athlete. She can go for however long she pleases. She even teases you about being able to keep up after a couple rounds. “No way you’re tappin’ out on me already? C’mon gimme one more.”

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Most of the toys that you own she uses them on you. Of course you can use them whenever you want but she prefers to help you out. Like if its a vibrator she’ll sit you between her legs and keep it right on top of your clit while she teases your breasts and talks you through it.“I know…I know baby. You’re doing so good for me. Makin’ me so proud.”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She loves teasing you. When she does it she’ll do something real subtle like “accidentally” resting her hand waay too close to your inner thigh. Then when you call her out she’ll play dumb.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She’s more of a talker than anything.But she prefers when you’re the one getting loud for her. “Dont cover your fuckin’ mouth lemme hear it. Let everyone know whos fuckin’ the shit out of this pussy.”

W = Wild card (a random

headcanon for the character)

Okay..personally I feel like she’s really into phone sex. Like i feel like a broken record when i say that she loves being verbal with you. And she thinks it’s so hot that she has the power to get you off even when you’re miles away from each other. Of course she’ll always leave you anticipating what she’s gonna do to you when she comes back. “Hope you don’t have anything planned cuz once I get home I’m tearin’ that pussy up.”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She’s not on some wimpy dick shit. When she says she’s packing,she doesn’t just mean there’s a strap in her pants. That thing got some size to it. Her biggest one she has in “the shoebox” is an 8 inch. (It’s also your personal favorite :) )

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

She can be hard to read sometimes,but when her sex drive is high,you can tell because she gets really handsy. Not just the usual touching but she’s constantly grabbing your ass ,kissing all over your neck,she can just be straight up pussywhipped sometimes.

A/N:Yay you made it to the end!! This is my first ever time writing one of these so I really hope you liked it. If you have any requests my inbox is always open. I love youu<3

-S🩷

[karma1987]

This is my fucking problem!!! Look here's my story my name is Carrie and I am a sagiittarius ..I used to be a fun and loving girl growing up always smiled and was a social butterfly. As I grew I seen nothing but fights with family and shit with everyone. By everyone there's alot to name..and i won't mention names!! But the older I got the more depressed I have gotten when i was little i was sexually abused by family and fucked me up royaly at 15 i was doing weed and was then introduced to mushrooms and selling weed in my local high-school ..then when i turned 16 I was then introduced to extacy and mdma..I have done all then till w was 17 I had my first smoke got caught .and then 18 had my little girl..fm l i did great whet thru physical emotional and mental abuse then 20 had my baby boy. was so happy then 22yrs I ended up on cocain tried it for the first time and it turned out to be ketamine (horse tranquilizer) but then I wanted to fit in as i didn't get to have my teen life thought i was having fun..and then bammm God addicted...I had lost my best friend my childhood friend my first love in 2009 I still blame myself everyday. Then 2014.i met my ex and we fed off each other for 8 yrs..the beginning do t get me wrong was amazing but then my friend got cosine and she tried it then she's hooked..i never held it towards her nor against her she's her own person..but then we fed off each other for 7 yrs and honestly it's all o can go by..I have bullied and manipulated lied everything to get one more line one more high..we've both been thru shit cheating lieing not stealing but nothing but drugs I had missed out on my babies soooooo much I am regretting everything I wish I had the chance to go back but life only goes forward..

Then i met this women april 28th 2 yrs ago she touched thru that door and said covid bitchess and fuck I was in love..i fell so damn hard and hard and hard every second I was with hermmi never felt that with anyone I was with..I am so stupid cause how j was treated I treated her.. she got me help got me to do treatment I passed it even when j wanted to come home to me person and me kids and family.. why because she believed in me!! And she still sees potential why I don't know..but she's there.. cause I get into my mind and then it's so fucking hard for me to get out of it I start to believe my own shit..i miss my person I am now on a peace bond ..but new yrs 2024 i got a new charge but anger this peacebind j think I'm either going to jail..or I'll be kn legit probation with a criminal charge. I wanted to travel..i wanted to do this with my person ..but as time goes by I'm thinking I get ahead and then fall 50 steps back..life isn't ment for me..and it never will be ment for me..I want contact and as much as everyone says do not go back to u u know damn well I will..because you are my home u are my everything..I'm so sorry I hurt physically emotionally and mentally..broke ur property everything...but I am a fuck up I tend to do this shit..seriously what kind of hurt do j gotta do to myself till I get the actual help around here..I am getting a run around. And life isn't easy..I do hope u read this..cause I am certain this will be my last ..i cannot garuntee when it will happen but it will..not now not tmrw but some day..I have already damaged myself..I pushed u away so ya j hurt my heart....I have missed out on the most important shit trying to please everyone else ..that I forgot about myself..I am abusing my self alot more then anything my kids..fuck lmi will forever love them j wish j spent more time with them ppl will say I say this now then i dont follow..butit is true tho..one minute I get it the next j give up..cause I am destined to not be around..my life i think it wasn't ment for me..so honestly I wanna just off myself because everyone one j have hurt thru thick and thin I want to feel every pain i have caused them....I wanna feel something besides cocain..I don't want to do it anymore but that's my addiction..and j fought it once why can't I now...it's cause j eas Seay from my addiction..j come home and I'm on it again...let me just kay here in a pool of blook trickling down my arm..heart getting slower and slower..thmvh if j want ever around the world would be a better place and more happy..I am the root of the problem..everything that goes wrong I do believe it's cause of me..

5 pills tonight and nothing what's next..I just wanna go everything done and overwith..so let me go.....let me be j don't want you to hurt anymore and i don't want to hurt anymore.

And the shit I'm doing now..is my own doing I'm in debt I have to do it alone ..I wanna talk more but I'm very drowsy .I need sleep I hope I don't w ake up..I will always love your..take care of yourself

[oncasette]

loving you

jj maybank x fem! reader

summary: 0.7k.

“And you don’t want me to come with you? Because you miss your bed?” he asks. It’s almost worse that he doesn’t sound condescending right now, like he’s genuinely just asking. Making sure you’re okay.

or the one where you think jj needs space. jj thinks he needs you more than ever. 

warnings: self doubt, fluffy i promise

masterlist | taglist

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” JJ asks from the doorway as he watches you shuffle through the various things in the dresser. In the drawer that he’d given you full use of; the one that used to house his socks before he’d thrown all of them into the back of his closet. 

“Just for a couple days. I miss my room, you know,” you hum, hoping he can’t see all the thoughts swirling around in your head. 

“I’ll come with you,” he offers, pushing off the frame to step closer to where you’re throwing various t-shirts into your overnight bag. Half your wardrobe had been thrown into the single drawer, now that you thought about it. What, with how much you wore JJ’s clothes, anyway. 

“No! I mean— You don’t have to do that, baby,” you rush out. 

“What do you mean ‘don’t have to.’ I want to,” he says. He grabs your bicep, softly, tugging you back and turning you around to face him. He uses his right hand to brush stray hairs back from your forehead, causing you to subconsciously lean into his touch. “C’mon, baby. Is everything okay?” 

“Everything’s fine. Just miss my bed, ‘s all,” you mumble. Your facade was crumbling faster than ever. Damn him and his stupid warm hands. 

“And you don’t want me to come with you? Because you miss your bed?” he asks. It’s almost worse that he doesn’t sound condescending right now, like he’s genuinely just asking. Making sure you’re okay. 

“I don’t know, J. Feel like I’m annoying you,” you mumble.

“Annoying me how, sweetheart.” His thumb sweeps the heat off your cheeks in waves, brushing over the skin in small circles. 

“‘M just always here. I don’t know, don’t you want your space?” 

“Space?”

“Yeah, JJ. I’ve slept in John B’s guest room every night for the past four weeks,” you sigh. “You’ve gotta want space.”

“Did someone say something to you?” he asks. “Was it John B, because I’m not above drowning him, you know.” 

It’s harder to explain this way, to tell him that it wasn’t him or his friends or anything about the things around you. That it was just the way your brain worked and how your body had just felt gross and out of place and you needed out before he made you leave. Because you’d rather spend a few nights in your own home than to ever have to hear him tell you to go away. 

Still, you manage to huff out a puff air that sounds enough like a laugh that he’s got that smile prickling at the corners of his lips. 

“No, wasn’t John B. He actually bought me more shampoo last week.” Didn’t say anything about it, either, just found the fresh bottle in the shower one morning. 

“So what is it?”

“I don’t want you thinking I’m being too clingy,” you exhale. 

He pulls you into his chest in lieu of a response. His hands find your hips in an instant, palms warming up your skin through the worn fabric of the t-shirt you stole from him. It’s silent for a while, too, as JJ takes the time to sway the two of you slightly to the tune of your combined breathing. 

“I want you to listen to me, okay,” he says, not saying anything else until he hears your mumbled confirmation against his shoulder. “I’m never gonna think you’re too clingy, baby. Ever. Okay? If I could become attached to you for good, I would. I love you so much it hurts.”

“Yeah?” you ask. 

“Oh, God, I can’t believe how much I love you. Of course.”

He pulls back just enough to lean his forehead against yours. 

“So, you gonna put your clothes back in your drawer for me?” he asks. “Unless you still want to go home and want me to pack a bag, too.” 

“I love you,” you say softly, leaning forward to slant your mouth over his. He tastes like orange juice and the cherry chapstick he always stole from you. 

“I love you more, angel face,” he breaks away only long enough to get the statement out, deepening the kiss you pulled him into. 

tags-- @vintageobx @ughdesireable @zeldaknight @ridestomars @alexxavicry @bl00d-bunny

[darthmaulification]

din djarin nsfw alphabet

A/N: i STILL have writer’s block when it comes to all the other stuff i have to get done that it’s INFURIATING. 🙄😤😡 i literally write two (2) sentences, and then my head says “no thoughts, all done :)”.

so anons still waiting on your stuff, have faith, i will get them done eventually!! 🙏🙏😭😭

but i want to get more stuff out more regularly, so take another nsfw alphabet, my brain is melting. 💗

(again, i imply fem!afab!reader and also, there is sensitive content (abortion) under X)

nsfw below the cut! 😘

A = aftercare (what are they like after sex?)

Din may be a bit unsure at first, but he is so sweet when it comes to aftercare. He’s got a caring nature already, and when it comes to making sure you’re clean, comfortable, and content after sex, Din is very soft and gentle. He’ll be asking you the whole time about what you need, how you’re feeling, complimenting and praising you for being perfect. Once he’s done making sure you’re okay, Din will conclude every time with kisses and cuddles, holding you close to him all the while whispering to you in Basic and Mando’a about how much he loves you.

B = body part (what’s their favorite body part of their partner? what about themselves?)

Honestly, Din has spent so long without showing someone else any part of him, that he is fairly insecure about how he looks. He’s a tad... embarrassed by his body, because he wants it to be perfect for you, but he doesn’t feel like it is (of course, you think he’s perfect). Din has a lot of self-criticisms, he worries that he’s too old for you, that his nose is too big for your liking, that he’s got a soft tummy and not like men your age. So Din doesn’t have a favorite body part, he’ll just like anything that you like.

Now on you... Din is a big fan of your face. He comes from a culture where one’s face is kept hidden unless you’re family or spouse, so to have you in all your glory and beauty is almost overwhelming to him. He loves your eyes especially (windows to the soul, and all), how they’re so expressive, what they look like when he’s fucked you cockdumb... all glossy and hazed... Din also loves your lips in particular too, the smile that tugs them up, what they look like when you say his name... and for another obvious reason that tends to happen when you’re below his belt on your knees...

(Also Din is a boobie man, full stop).

C = cum (basically anything to do with cum)

Din cums a lot, and he wants it all over you. If you let him, he’ll splatter his nut on your face, belly, breasts, ass, and other places that he loves and wants marked. He likes seeing you all messy and sticky, covered in the stuff that he creates just for you. Din goes kinda feral though if you beg him to cum inside you, allow him to bottom out and let loose past your tight cervix straight into your womb... makes his brain fizzle out. Also, Din’s cum tastes abnormally sweet, almost too sugary, much like the sweet man himself.

D = dirty secret (what’s their dirty secret?)

Din wants to be cucked. Like he really wants to watch someone else fuck you (consensually, of course), and him not being able to do anything about it. It’d be such a fucking tease and edge for him that the thought makes him feel some sort of way in his pants.

Also, not so much of a secret but still dirty, Din can play the role of a dom to a T, but in his heart, he’s a sub. Just take the reins on day, there’s not much he’d be compelled to do to stop you.

E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Most, if not all, of Din’s sexual experiences before you were clumsy, quick fucks with sex workers at brothels or cantinas. He had most of them when the desire became to high to ignore, so really the closest around satisfied him enough. And although most of the conquests had no specialness or emotion to them, they did shape the way Din moved around bodies, aided in his ability to please and such. So Din is rather experienced, he knows what he’s doing and how to make things steamy, but he’s really never been able to truly connect with someone before. Even though he’s well versed in the art of sex, there’s a few learning curves for him to accomplish, particularly making sure he meets your needs the way you want them met, not how he thinks you may want to do things.

F = favorite position (what’s their favorite position?)

By far, Din loves nothing more but to bend you over a table, or the console board of the Razor Crest, and pound into you from behind like there’s no tomorrow. He loves to have the warmth of your ass, heavy and plush, against his pelvis all while he’s up to the hilt inside your core. Din also likes the control it gives him, having you squirming and moaning under him, one of his hands heavy on your back keeping you down while the other squeezes your thighs and hips, or plays with your clit. Din might also get a bit grabby with your hair, pulling back your head enough so that he can nibble at your neck and hiss all the dirty things he wants into your ear.

The close second for his favorite position though is having you tied up to the bed, wrists and ankles bound. It’s one of Din’s favorite sights in the entire galaxy.

G = goofy (are they the more serious type, or more humorous?)

Din is serious about making sure he’s doing all he can to make you a moaning, cockdumb mess, that’s for damn sure. He’s very driven in that regard, serious about the task at hand and all the things he has to do to make sure you know just how much he loves you. Din isn’t a stoic robot though, he’s too vibrant and compassionate of a man for that, so he’ll being saying sweet things to get you to blush and smile, grinning against the shell of your ear before kissing your neck, maybe nipping playfully at your ass or stomach too... Din knows how to give a good time.

H = hair (how well-groomed are they?)

Din is a functionalist, so he likes to keep his bush below the belt to a minimum, or at least manageable, so he trims it and sometimes shaves it fully. Though he does have a tendency to let it grow a bit if he’s having a dry spell or if he just doesn’t have the motivation... but once the tuft starts catching on the zip to his pants (he goes commando, the dork), that’s when Din knows he’s got to shave. All his body hair elsewhere; head, face, legs, back, arms, etc, Din doesn’t care much about except his moustache and tasteful stubble which he does really like to keep. Of course, Din keeps everything as clean as a whistle.

On his partners, Din doesn’t have much of a preference, but he does lean towards someone who at least keeps their stuff trimmed (and clean, of course). However, he won’t force you to do anything, it’s your body, your decisions.

I = intimacy ( how intimate are they during sex?)

Just... so intimate. Of course, Din fucks like a beast in rut, but he’s so consuming and raw with it, it’s nothing short of perfect. Din wears his heart on his sleeve, so sex is constant “I love yous” in every word and action, even when it’s all vulgarity and dirty and horny, but it’s love nonetheless. You’re able to feel it from how he presses against you, molds against you like liquid heat, how his hands make your body his own, how he kisses you with stars in his eyes, how he tells you over and over again both vocally and silently, “Thank you”.

J = jack off (do they masturbate?)

Mm... it depends on his mood. He masturbated more when he was younger, when he had more time and drive to do so. Though once he got older, and life happened, and he’s almost non-stop running around chasing quarries... Din’s just too darn tired. It got even less so when Grogu came into his life, because oh my Maker the horror Din would feel if somehow his son caught him in the act. But Din is only human, and has that accursed Mandalorian sex drive, so sometimes the urge does rear it’s head, and he’s gotta make his hand and penis best friends again.

Doesn’t help when you’re occupying his thoughts either.

K = kinks (any kinks?)

Y’know that cliché where it’s like “normal looking person whose an absolute freak in the sheets”? Yeah, that’s Din. This man is the epitome of that. Here’s his kinks:

Bondage. Din really likes the sight of you tied up on the bed, at his mercy like a bunny in a hunter’s trap. He wants to have you bound by your wrists and ankles, maybe even tying you to the bedposts, and fucking you senseless while you beg to be able to touch him too. Din favors using handcuffs (technically binders, but Star Wars lingo is silly sometimes), but he’ll use whatever you’re okay with too. And, of course, if bondage isn’t your thing, he won’t ever force you to do it. (psst, Din doesn’t mind being tied up either)

Spanking. Kind of the only aspect of the “S” part of BDSM that Din will every really partake in. He likes landing a good few firm swats on your flanks, likes seeing your ass and thighs jiggle from the force of it, the bright flush that may appear afterwards if you let him go at it a while. Din also likes just being able to touch your ass too, so a nice spank to your bottom becomes the physical message of “You’re in for it tonight, mesh’la”. Oh, and he’ll make you count.

Daddy kink. Oh Maker, if you call him Daddy, he’ll lose his mind. Din has such a big Daddy kink that even if you call him it in a nonsexual situation, he’ll be feeling that warmth until he’s able to steal you away and rail you good. He loves being the Daddy and you being his “Sweet girl” or “Cyar’ika”... the dynamic runs him wild.

Breeding/pregnancy kink. Din wants to fuck a baby into you so badly he dreams about it. It’s been impounded into him that family and parenthood are really big deals, so you bet your ass he wants to fulfill that part of his Creed by making sure your pussy’s stuffed, womb is filled to the brim, and your breasts are swollen and milky. Din wants so so deeply to see you pregnant with the kid that you and him make, he desperately wants a family with you.

Breast/nipple kink. Yeah, Din really really likes your tits. There’s something about the shape, the texture, size, weight, etc that activates some primal monkey part of his brain that has him drooling. Din loves to knead and fondle your breasts, roll them under his large hands, press them together, watch the soft flesh squish and mold around his fingers. He especially loves the cute nipples of yours, pinching them between his fingers, tweaking them. Din also really likes sucking on your tits, leaving marks all over them, playing with your nipples with his tongue...

L = location (favorite place to “do the do”?)

When you both have the opportunity, Din really really likes taking you in a good, proper bedroom, something that the uncomfortable, tiny bunk on the Razor Crest really doesn’t account for. If it were up to him, he’d want to spend his entire life with you in bedroom fit for a king, taking you over and over again on a mattress that feels like a cloud. It’s no shock then whenever Din actually shills out the credits (being the frugal man he is) to buy a hotel room is the sex borderline godlike.

M = motivation (what gets them turned on?)

A sure-fire way to get Din fully and completely riled up would be to wear something real scandalous. Be that a shirt that shows a tad bit more, or pants that are tight enough to reveal you aren’t wearing panties, or (Din’s favorite) a set of cute lingerie... Din will get hard in his pants. It’d be even more so if you tease him in public, but be warned he’ll fuck you mean for that.

N = NO (what’s their turn offs?)

Very early on, it was, obviously, taking off his helmet. If you asked, or Maker forbid tried, the mood would drop pretty extensively if not entirely from Din. He’d get uncomfortable, go silent, and the first time it happened, he left the room. Removal of the helmet was a very big one before he eventually showed you his face.

After you’ve been able to kiss his face over and over again and cry because you think he’s so beautiful? Nothing comes to Din’s mind really besides the kinks that are... nastier. Like literally, y’know... some other bodily... stuffs. Anyways, Din is pretty adaptable when it comes to kinks/positions and stuff. The pros of already being a kinky man...

O = oral (do they have a preference in giving/receiving?)

Okay, Din really loves his dick sucked. The way that you wrap your lips around his shaft, kiss the tip of his penis, fondle his balls, lick and slobber on him... makes his eyes roll to the back of his head. He especially loves being able to watch you try and take all of him in your throat, seeing the tears of pleasure squeeze out your eyes, the way you hollow your cheeks around him and suck. Din loves it when you go down on him.

... Now that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like going down on you. There is no place Din would want to be more than with his face between your legs, lapping at you like a starving animal. He’ll spend hours with his mouth on your cunt, swirling his tongue around your clit, driving orgasm after orgasm from you until you’re shaking from overstimulation and begging him to stop. Din loves your pussy, the way you taste and smell... drives him wild.

P = pace & PDA (are they soft, sensual, rough, or feral? are they open to displaying the relationship?)

Din will most often rail you into the mattress with a fervor. He tends to fuck hard, and he likes to play rough. The pace he keeps is something that makes you see stars every time he thrusts, when he ruts into you so hard that your entire body moves. However, Din does this all with a type of passionate sensuality that leaves you in tears, he fucks you sure, but it’s also fully fueled by unwavering love. When he’s feeling especially sentimental, Din will indulge on this love, and he’ll go slower, deeper, make you feel nothing but the weight of him.

And PDA... Well, Din doesn’t take the helmet or beskar off in public, so PDA is every time Din steps in front of you to shield you protectively, it’s when he offers to carry whatever you’re holding, it’s when he fights for you, it’s when he stands close to your side, when he sends you long side-eyed glances that make you feel the love, it’s when he nudges your shoulder with his, when he lets you wrap your fingers around his, when he drapes you with his cloak, surrounding you with him... It’s the little, subtle things, the personal things that mean you’re closer to him than anyone else.

Q = quickies (what’s their opinion on quickies?)

Maker, yes. Din becomes kinda addicted to having sex with you, so any and all chance to pull down his and yours pants and rut you both into a quick release is perfect for him. They don’t happen all that often, you’re both too busy most of the time, but if there’s a window of opportunity, Din will take it.

R = risks (are they okay with experimenting? do they take risks?)

Din’s kinda a big baby, so anything you may want to try with him in the bedroom that’s out of the norm will have him a stuttering, blushing mess. Most of the time though, once you’ve explained whatever you’re wanting enough, he’ll be down to do it because he knows you’re fine with it, and so is he. Though Din has his limits, a few things in particular that he’d never risk: safety and his Creed. He won’t ever try something that would potentially put the both of you in mortal danger, and wouldn’t do something that breaks his Code. Other than that, Din does enjoy pushing the boundaries a little once you’ve started, and he might even become more advantageous.

S = stamina (how many rounds can they last?)

Din can last long enough, that’s for sure. He’s not borderline superhuman like some other men, but Din doesn’t tap out early either. With the skill he has with his hands, he’s easily able to make you cum a couple times before he dicks you down, and sometimes he’s even able to draw out an orgasm or two when he’s balls deep inside you. It all usually depends on his energy level, if he’s pumped up and well rested, expect a long, long night, but if he’s so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, honestly he might just cum if you jerk him off a little bit.

Though sleepy sex with Din, although it’s very short, is also a bit of an exercise in absolute trust with him. He’s able to fall asleep in your arms, all worn out and buzzing from his orgasm, it makes him feel fully at peace.

T = toys (do they own/use any toys?)

Haha, no. Din is such a minimalist, he didn’t own any type of luxury like that, unless you count the handcuffs, but he technically uses those for his job. It really is he just doesn’t have the space nor the credits he’s willing to spare, and he didn’t have a partner before you so really it would’ve been pointless for him. But now that he’s got you in his life (and bed)? Yeah, Din might splurge a little bit and buy some things to make your romps a bit more... interesting. Be that a vibrator, some silky rope, a plug... just some fun things.

U = unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He likes to tease, because edging you edges him and that satiates the deep-rooted sub inside of him. Din likes to have you begging for release just as much as he likes the feeling of his cock practically screaming to sink into your velvety core. The teasing really goes both ways, even if Din is the one who’s technically doing all of it. He also gets really into dirty talk (for as long as he can actually speak) and will be saying all sorts of nasty things in your ear like “C’mon, cyar’ika, tell me you want my fingers” or “Pretty girl, use your words. You want my cock or no?”.

V = volume (how loud or quiet are they during sex?)

Din is loud, but in a quiet type of way? He like... whisper yells, like his voice is already naturally low, so when he’s got you all in his grasps it’s like the volume of his voice doesn’t increase, but the intensity does? Din fills the room, essentially, being the only thing you hear, even over your own moans, squeals, screams, etc. It’s mostly a lot of strained dirty talk, like each word Din says to you is determined, but he’s got to push them through clenched teeth because his dick’s twitching so hard and your pussy is just too good... and shit, once you’ve drawn the first moan out of him, it’s over for him. Din will be moaning. Once he’s lost in the sauce, which happens sorta quickly, Din becomes just as incoherent as you, maybe being able to babble out something about seeing you fat with child or maybe about how well you’re swallowing up his cock, but it really devolves into lengthy, horny moans and hefty grunts. So yes, our man’s is loud.

W = wildcard (what’s a random headcanon?)

Din loves when you tell him how much you think he’s attractive. He’s spent basically his whole life with his face in a bucket and his body in armor, so he’s never gotten compliments about his authentic self before. This kind of hampered his self-confidence and racked up his insecurity? Din doesn’t necessarily have any specific qualms with how he looks, but he also is very unsure of how you think of him. So when you tell him that you love his face; his crooked, hooked nose, his soft, honey brown eyes, his patchy stubble, and even his ridiculous moustache... it makes his heart soar.

This same sentiment goes for his body too, which Din does have a couple of more prominent issues with. For one, he’s a tad soft around the middle (age + indulging himself + taking excessive off days = weight gain) which makes him feel semi-insecure about what you may think when you don’t see chiseled, perfect abs, and he’s just generally self-conscious about his age. But when you’re fine with it? When you say you find his chub endearing?? That he’s really not that old and that he shouldn’t worry about it??? Din is beyond happy.

And in a complete 180, Din has a very high sperm count. Like astronomically high. A medical marvel type of high. So... if you indulge on his desire for a big family... expect a lot of little Djarin brats really fast.

X = x-ray & x-tra (what’s underneath those clothes? any more random headcanons?”)

Din is built like a himbo. He’s built like he’d ask you what pussy size do you wear when he buys pads for you. He’s built like the dude that comes into the store you work at every so often who’s just so captivating and out of this world handsome that you stare at him as he looks at the same thing he always does, until he leaves after not buying it for the third week in a row. He has a very good figure, muscular in all the right places from a lifetime of brutal physical activity. Din’s arms and shoulders are probably his best feature, the entirety of the appendages being toned with taut, powerful muscle and perfect for holding you. His chest is quite toned as well, though his pecs are softer and have a smattering of chest hair brushed on the muscles. Although he has a relatively trim waist and a defined Adonis belt, Din’s belly is actually pretty soft. He’s like a muscular boy, but with a bit more chub (if anyone gets that reference, you’re extra sexy), so Din doesn’t have a defined set of abs. He does have a dark happy trail that leads to the special someone between his thick-muscled thighs.

He also, from time and age, has a bit of a weathered look to him that makes him look experienced and jaded. His body also has a smattering of scars, most of them old and silvered, from scuffles and fights he’s had in his past. 

Big Dick Cum Daddy Din is hung. His penis is a mouth-watering 9 inches (22.86 cm) of throbbing glory, not overly girthy (2 inches, 5.08 cm, in width) but perfect nonetheless. He has a very prominent vein on the bell end of his cock, as well as fairly defined ridges on the sides, like he’s fucking ribbed for your pleasure. His penis is actually circumcised, so the head of his cock gets especially red once you’ve got all the blood and horniness in his loins. Din’s balls are perfect too, weighty things that hang a bit lower that only shows their virility.

Din is pro-choice. He’s a firm believer in people having autonomy over their bodies and having the ability to choose. So when it comes to abortion, even though the thought admittedly makes Din a little uncomfortable, he would fully support his partner choosing to have one, if that was their decision.

Also, Din is a bisexual icon, I don’t make the rules.

Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Yes. Ever since you come into his life, Din is horny like a teen boy all over again, it’s almost ridiculous. At the very beginning, it’s just a lot of him fantasizing about what he wants to do to you, because A) you’ve both just met, B) his Creed, and C) it’d be so embarrassing for him for you to find out how much you affect him. But once you two start getting closer, and spend weeks and months dancing around each other, Din starts to get a bit more flirty, more frisky. You definitely start noticing how much he’s wanting you, so really it comes to the point that at any time you reciprocate your feelings and consent, Din will be on you in a second. After that first time, it’s over for y’all. Din will want to fuck all the time, everywhere, whenever possible. Your pussy becomes his dick’s permanent home.

Z = zzzz (how fast do they fall asleep after?)

Din isn’t an easy sleeper in general, so after sex it’s really not much different. It always takes a while for him to fall asleep, so you’ll definitely be passed out before he even starts to feel tired. He’ll spend most of his time after making sure you’re taken care of with his exquisite aftercare, and then mumble sweet nothings to you as you fall asleep. Even after you’re out, Din will still lie awake and talk to you quietly about anything and everything that comes to mind before he eventually falls asleep too.

[hatterstan-shameblog]

Nobody asked for this but I'm gonna do it anyways...

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Fluff Alphabet: Takeru/Aguni Edition

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

A = Attractive what do they find attractive about the other?

Takeru: only reason he let Aguni wear regular clothes and not swimwear is because he saw ARM in that tank top and was like "oh damn okay 😳." So, y'know, that. (And he'll never admit it but he kinda likes how Aguni is a little bit taller than he is....) Also likes that Aguni has a really dry, deadpan sense of humor—he ways finds a way to make Takeru laugh, even when he's not really trying.

Aguni: I think the physical aspect of things wasn't really a make-or-break for him at first—like, yeah, Takeru's a good-looking guy, but that's secondary. He liked how Takeru is such a live-wire, very loud and colorful and seemingly fearless, no matter what kind of trouble they got into. (But also...he likes the hair. That's a thing for him.)

B = Baby do they want a family? why/why not?

Takeru: If they end up with one somehow, then, sure. But, like. He's not going out of his was to make it a thing. (But also, he has his cat, Ziggy, who he calls his baby, so...)

Aguni: Would secretly love to be a dad but is too worried he might mess the kid up or something. Is more than happy to be 'unofficial parent' to the neighborhood kids, though. Handing out ice pops to the kids that show up at the shop, keeping an eye out and telling them to get home before dark, maybe even showing one or two of them how to throw a better curveball...you know. Real Hallmark channel shit. (And yes, for those who were wondering: Ziggy the cat loves him and often curls up on his lap while he watches TV)

C = Cuddle how do they cuddle?

They don't really "cuddle" outside of bed. Just kinda sit next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, no big deal. But in bed, Aguni lies on his back with his arm sorta outstretched while Takeru...well, my man is worm on a string but OFF the string, he just flops all sorts of ways and a lot of them don't look comfortable but he falls asleep in minutes so whatever.

D = Dates what are dates with them like?

I don't think they do "dates"—they've got a long-term thing going on, so they often end up on the couch eating takeout and watching movies. I think they'd go to the movie theater sometimes (and talk shit for the entire film lol) and every once in a while grab dinner somewhere nice...but, usually because they have some cool limited-time-only dessert item that Takeru insists they try. (And Aguni pretends to be upset about having to get dressed up and go out, but is actually rather pleased to have a little romance...and get something to satisfy his sweet tooth.)

E = Everything you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

Aguni: Emergency Medical Contact

Takeru: Co-Signer On The Apartment Lease

F = Feelings when did they know they were falling in love?

Takeru: About a week after Aguni (drunkenly) confessed his crush. Literally spent a whole week like, "Wow, it's a shame I don't love him back. He's so kind and handsome and smart and funny...too bad, I guess..." until one night he sat up straight in bed and said "Hold up." He then immediately called Aguni and began demanding why Aguni didn't tell him he was in love with him this whole time.

Aguni: They had been friends since they were kids, so it's hard to say when his feelings went from "you're my best friend" to something different. But, once he figured it out, he swore never to mention it because that could complicate their friendship.

G = Gentle are they gentle? If so, how?

Takeru: Yes and no. He's got a bad case of "grabby hands" and often yanks Aguni to and fro to look at something or whatever. Just zero respect for the man's personal space. But otherwise...I imagine he's not particularly rough or gentle, just kind of normal. EXCEPT when it comes to the emotional stuff—like, the real heavy things. I think he's very gentle with that, not asking too many questions and just sort of taking care of him where he can.

Aguni: Generally gentle—physically, emotionally, whatever. But I do think that he's confrontational, like when there's an issue, he comes straight out and asks Takeru what's going on. Even corners him, sometimes. He seems like a "no bullshit" guy, and since Takeru is "Mr. 99% Bullshit" he's gotta deal with it as best he can.

H = Hand/Hold how do they like to hold hands?

The only time they "hold hands" is when Takeru is grabbing Aguni's wrist to drag him somewhere (or run away lol) and when Aguni is pulling Takeru's hand back to stop him from touching something...

I = Impression first impression/s

I headcanon that they met very young, like grade school age. After school, in the park, where Takeru was chilling in a tree and Aguni walked by and he was like "Hey, there's a spider up here, wanna see?" and Aguni is like "Not really, I don't like bugs..." Now, Takeru, being "weird bug kid extraordinaire" can't believe his strange little ears and hops down from the tree and starts explaining why bugs are so cool and that Aguni is wrong...and Aguni listens as this funky, tiny firecracker just talks his damn ear off. Aguni liked how excited Takeru got about things, and Takeru liked how Aguni actually listened to him. And they were fast friends after that!

J = Joker are they into pulling pranks?

Takeru fucks around all the time...and doesn't often find out, because Aguni tolerates all his antics. (To a certain point, but still.) Every once in a while, Aguni will tell some harmless little lie just to watch Takeru freak out—he told him once that Lady Gaga was leaving the music scene forever, and Takeru screamed so loud the neighbors filed a noise complaint.

K = Kisses how do they kiss?

I think they most often do quick pecks—at the breakfast table, when they get home from work. You know. Domestic stuff. But when it's not like that...I think 9/10 times it's Takeru initiating, and Aguni reciprocates by wrapping his arms around him in a big hug (because he likes it but also to keep that skinny little weirdo from wiggling so damn much, he's always moving, he can't just be still—)

L = Love who says I love you first?

Neither! I don't think they really say it at all! Why say something that doesn't need to be said? (At least, that's how they see it...)

M = Memory their favorite moment together

Aguni: It's not really a memory, but...just how they have breakfast together some mornings. Sipping coffee, discussing whatever's going on in the world, the general "togetherness" that comes with it is one of his favorite feelings.

Takeru: The time they spent a full 24 hours in a karaoke booth singing 80's hits and knocking back tequila shots and ordering way too much food.

N = Nickel do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

Takeru: Absolutely buys stuff for Aguni all the time. Mostly random snacks, or little knick-knacks that catch his eye. And also clothes, but...Aguni doesn't always approve.

Aguni: Doesn't buy Takeru stuff BUT leaves vases of flowers he grew on the table for Takeru to find.

O = Orange what color reminds them of their other half

Anything bright and obnoxious reminds Aguni of Takeru—red in particular, which also happens to be Takeru's favorite. And Takeru thinks Aguni has calm and soothing blue-green vibes. Like the ocean, beautiful and serene, but also dark and capable of incredible destruction.

P = Petnames what pet names do they use?

Takeru: All of them. Darling, babe, sweetheart (but he calls everyone those lol). Aguni-specific ones are always over-the-top and ridiculous like "brightest star in all of the heavens..." and he always gets an eye-roll for his efforts.

Aguni: Absolutely does not use pet names. Just says "hey you" or something. Once called Takeru "babe" and Takeru had to stop washing dishes and sit down because he was laughing so hard.

Q = Quaint what is their favorite non-modern thing?

Takeru: I feel like he would collect a ton of vintage stuff—clothes, records, just random little bits and bobs he comes across. But his favorite is definitely his record player—it belonged to his dad, and he keeps it in a place of honor in the hat shop.

Aguni: A set of very old and well-cared-for gardening tools. Takeru got them for him for his birthday, and he legit treasures them.

R = Rainy Day what do they like to do on a rainy day?

Lay on the couch and do literally nothing. Takeru gets the left end, Aguni takes the right, and they binge trash TV shows all day. (And also they make box-mix brownies and eat them straight out of the pan. It's "their thing.")

S = Sad how do they cheer themselves/each other up

Takeru: Aside from all his self-destrictive behaviors (binge-drinking, dangerous situations, etc.) he just really needs a good laugh. And Aguni somehow always manages to make him laugh with an unexpected, deadpan comment. Also, he makes Takeru actually talk through his problems instead of ignoring them...

Aguni: if he's in a bad mood, you just need to let him work through it on his own. He hates being "talked down to" and feels that most attempts at cheering up are cheap, so most people don't attempt. Buf...Takeru is not "most people" and breaks out his most ridiculous jokes to try to get Aguni to crack a smile.

T = Talking what do they love to talk about?

Other people! You know Takeru is the "XOXO Gossip Girl" of the neighborhood, but Aguni...he's like a little old church lady and ADORES hearing all the latest drama.

U = Unencumbered What helps them relax?

Both of them have the same method of relaxation and it's...bubble baths! Aguni does a basic, skin soothing soak and just hangs out in the warm water with a book or maybe just his thoughts to keep him company. But Takeru? He's got some fancy bath soaps, and he takes in a glass of wine and lights a few candles and does a face mask and it's a whole EVENT.

V - Very thoughts about each other

Takeru: Thinks Aguni needs to loosen up and take more risks...but also just loves the guy to pieces.

Aguni: Kinda wishes Takeru would calm tf down sometimes...but also knows that it's just how the guy is and wouldn't dare change him.

W = Wedding when, how, where do they propose?

They're not really the marrying type! They just have a mutual understanding of commitment and that's that.

(But if they did have a wedding... I think it would be a relatively small affair with all their closest friends and family. Like a dinner party, but somewhere extra nice and with lots of good food and alcohol. Intimate and meaningful, with just enough "extra" to satisfy Takeru.)

X = Xylophone What’s their song?

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" because they hid out in a karaoke booth (different from the 24-hour event that Takeru cherishes so much) to es ape the Yakuza and Takeru sang it over and over to pass the time.

Y = You the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

"Breaking" to my "Entering." The "Assault" to my "Battery." (They both hate this sort of thing and try to come up with the worst answers possible lol)

Z = Zebra if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?

They already have the cat, Ziggy, who is their perfect little angel.

[yikesharringrove]

Me and my thots

Read on ao3

-

Billy didn’t black out when the first limb clamped onto his side.

He figured he would.

Figured the searing pain would cause his brain to short.

But it didn’t.

He didn’t even drop when the next one hit, chomping into his other side.

He figures the adrenaline was keeping him going.

And probably the other-worldly strength from whatever bits of the creature was left in him.

All he knows is that the final one pierced his chest.

And he didn’t lose consciousness.

Not as he fell.

Not as Max hovered over him.

Not as he heard shouts, and felt hands pressing into his wounds.

He woke with a start.

He shook the dream out of his head, rolling to press both fists into his eyes.

He slid out from under the thick duvet, pulling it up and over the sleeping form of the person next to him.

Like he did every morning.

He scratched his chest, making his way over to their sunny little kitchen, getting the coffee going.

It’s been a while since he’s dreamed about the Mind Flayer.

In his thirty years since that night at the mall, he’s gotten enough therapy to break most of it down, to accept what happened to him, what he was forced without question to do.

He startled as arms slipped around his waist.

“You okay?”

Steve’s voice was sleep groggy, his chin hooked over Billy’s shoulder.

“Yeah, Pretty Boy. I’m alright.”

Steve placed his hand over the faded scar on Billy’s chest, kissing his shoulder blade once.

Billy turned to look at him, taking in the sparse grey hairs Steve liked to complain about, the soft lines near his eyes.

Billy sucked in a gasp of air when he woke, spluttering as his lungs burned.

He was in the hospital, his heart monitor going haywire.

Nurses flooded the room, but Billy paid them no mind, his eyes locking on the big brown ones.

Steve had pushed himself against the wall, giving the nurses room to check him over.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since the mall, just knows hat Steve’s face looks hurt, old bruises turning yellow and green as they healed.

He was stabilized, and he felt more steady. His breathing still hurt, but he was doing it on his own.

The few nurses made their way out once again.

“Jesus, Hargrove. Scared me half to death.” Steve didn’t sound scared. He sounded relieved. “I was almost asleep and then you took this giant breath, Christ.”

Steve’s hands were shaking as he lowered himself into a plastic chair facing Billy’s bed.

“Sorry.”

Billy’s voice was hoarse, and it hurt to talk.

“How long-?”

“A few weeks.” Then Steve’s face got hurt that same night.

It was odd looking at him.

He looked so young, not the face dream Billy was used to, the face of a grown man.

“Hargrove, you okay?”

And echo of that dream.

And boy did that hurt, the realization that it was a dream.

His idyllic life with Steve.

Nothing but his subconscious. Probably creating something to keep him calm while his body healed in a coma.

“Why you here?” Speaking still burned his throat. He wished he had some water.

Maybe even tea.

Steve usually makes him a nice chamomile tea when he’s sick. Puts some fresh lemon juice and honey in there. They have a lemon tea in the backyard.

He shook himself.

That was just a dream.

“Been worried about you, man.” Steve wasn’t looking at him.

Steve has trouble with eye contact.

Years spent with a father that forced it only to berate Steve for-

What the fuck. His daydream kept bleeding over, giving him all this nonsense about the dream version of Steve he had conjured up.

“Don’t know why.”

Steve looked at him then.

“Really pulled some shit, didn’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean you, you deserve to die, or something. You weren’t in control.”

“Was that night I beat your face in.”

Steve looked away again.

“Water under the bridge.”

Steve once told him he doesn’t know what that expression means, just that he’s heard people use it in situations like this.

“You don’t even know what that means.” Billy couldn’t stop himself.

He just blurted it out.

And Steve gave him a funny look.

Because of course he does. Because this Steve, this real Steve is different than the coma fantasy one Billy conjured up.

“Well, no. But people usually say it like that, don’t they?”

And Billy just stared at him.

And then his vision went hazy around the edges, and he slipped back into darkness.

“Which one?”

Steve was holding up two pairs of swim trunks. Billy was just staring at his ass.

“You know I like those little green ones.”

Steve threw him a look over his shoulder.

“I don’t think the green ones even fit anymore.”

Steve sometimes got self conscious about himself. His thighs had thickened up considerably, his ass getting plumper too. And his belly was soft, doughy, and perfect for squishing.

But the green shorts fit, even though they were tight.

And Billy loved his older body, loved when Steve put on some extra fluff. A chubby Steve meant a happy Steve. And Billy would know.

You learn a lot about a person in thirty-some years.

Steve was dressed now, shouldering a bag.

“Beach time?” His eyes were bright.

“Beach time.”

They held hands as they walked.

The air smelled like ocean spray.

The beach was close to their little house, and they found their usual spot right away, far from any other beach patrons.

“Hargrove!”

Billy came to with a start, back in the cold hospital room, back with a younger Steve.

What the fuck was going on?

“Sorry, you kinda passed out. I thought you were slipping back under, or something.”

Steve looked sheepish.

“It’s fine.”

It wasn’t. Not totally.

Because Billy wanted to live in that fucking daydream for the rest of his goddamn life.

“Sorry, I should let you sleep. I mean you’re probably exhausted.” Steve stood up, gathering the few things he had with him, a water bottle, and empty coffee cup, and a book. An old worn out copy of The Outsiders.

That’s dream Steve’s favorite book. He reads it once every year. He said it was the first book he ever read in class that actually gripped him. The only one he actually took the time to push through his rampant dyslexia to read and understand.

He won’t be diagnosed dyslexic until he’s 23. He’ll feel really vindicated and Billy will take him out for a fancy dinner. They’ll go skinny dipping in the ocean after and Steve will whine the whole time.

Billy hadn’t realized he had been staring at Steve the whole time that all ran through his brain, not until Steve snapped his fingers in front of him.

“Billy!”

“Yeah, what? Sorry.”

“Are you okay? Should I get a nurse?”

“No, I just-” he tried to scrub a hand down his face, found his muscles screamed out at the movement of his muscles after who knows how long in that bed.

It didn’t matter anyway, as his hands were wrapped up in a mitten of bandages.

“Was havin’ a good dream.”

“What was it about?”

Billy couldn’t look at Steve. Couldn’t look at those big brown eyes, couldn’t search for the specks of gold, the streaks of green that he knows are there.

“Future. Dream future, I guess.”

“Do you-” Steve hesitated, and Billy finally looked at him, watched as he reached up to tug on a lock of hair near the crown of his head. A nervous tick he’s had since he was a kid. “Do you wanna share?”

“California. Little house by the beach. Slice of Heaven, really.”

“A wife?”

“Been married for a few years.”

“She pretty?”

“The prettiest.”

Steve smiled at him softly.

“Sorry you had to wake up to me, then.”

And that? That made Billy wanna tear out his own damn hair. Made him wanna pull Steve to lay on top of him the way they both like, pet through Steve’s hair, tell him how goddamn perfect you are, Sugar.

“It’s okay. Prefer your company.”

“I guess I’m alright if the alternative is being alone.”

“Cut that out.”

Steve blinked at him.

“We’ve been talking like, five minutes and all you’ve done is apologize and talk shit on yourself.”

“Sorry, I- it’s just a habit, I guess.” He was back to playing with his hair. Being a little rougher, tugging on the lock between his fingers a bit. Billy sighed as well as he could with his burning lungs.

“Just, I like it that you’re here, okay? I’d tell you to beat it if I wanted you gone.”

And Steve smiled at him.

One of his six real smiles, not one of the eleven fake ones.

Billy can tell.

Because the real ones make his nose scrunch a bit. They make his eyes go bright and his shoulders bunch up.

And he must’ve fallen back into that dream again, because suddenly he was looking at his Steve, his grown up Steve, giving him that exact same real smile as Billy ran wet fingers over his skin.

And he pulled Steve close to him in the shower, mouthing at the skin of his neck.

And if this was a dream, he was going to burn all of this into his memory.

The way Steve’s skin tastes, the way he gasps when Billy nibbles at his ear. The way Billy feels buried deep inside him, in the soft bed that they share, the one that took months to buy because Steve is weirdly picky about bedframes for no discernible reason.

And just as he was watching Steve’s face crumple, as he was trying to memorize the exact noises he makes as he cums, he was jolted out of his dream by the real Steve, fucking sneezing.

“Sorry.” He looked distressed. “You were like, really asleep and I, I tried to hold it back.”

“’S okay. Know you got that dust thing.”

Billy was drowsy. He felt like he was inches underwater, everything moving slowly around him. Almost like the world was a little muffled.

Turns out his last dose of pain meds had been administered while he was out.

“Wait, what dust thing?”

“Got that. You know. You’re allergic to dust. And peanuts. And cashews. And-the green ones.”

“Pistachios?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you know that?”

“You told me. Nearly fuckin’ killed you first time we really made out. I had just eaten a PB and J. Sent you into anaphylaxis.”

Billy felt himself drifting, that perfect dreamland tugging him back.

And then there was a cold hand on his arm, shaking him gently.

“Billy, Billy don’t fall asleep. You gotta, Billy what the fuck? We haven’t made out. We, how do you know what I’m allergic to?”

But Billy was swallowed up by sleep once again.

He was laying next to Steve, stretched out on their bed, Steve’s head resting on his shoulder.

“Today was nice. Haven’t had a day like that in such a long time.”

“We should do it more often, then. Call outta work and hang out at the beach all day.”

Steve rolled a bit to glare playfully at Billy.

“Some of us don’t have the luxury of setting our own hours, Mr. Boss Man.”

“Billy!”

And he was back, back to staring at the pale nervous face of Young Steve.

“Billy, you’re scaring me.”

Sunlight was beginning to haze through the meager window at the end of the hospital room. Billy hadn’t had any idea of time since he got here.

Steve looked like shit, like he hadn’t slept all night.

“Billy, I don’t know if you remember, everything you said before you fell asleep but-”

“I remember.”

Steve furrowed his brows.

“How do you know that? About, about my allergies. And yesterday, you said, you said I didn’t know what water under the bridge meant. And you said, that we m-made out.”

Billy sighed again, his lungs protesting the effort.

“My dream. The future. You’re the person. My person. And now it’s like, whatever Dream Billy knows about Dream Steve I know. And I figured I just, like, made all that shit up.”

Steve was studying his face.

“Okay, then let’s see if you’ve just had some lucky guesses. Tell me what else you know, and maybe it’s all wrong.”

And Billy didn’t really like the way Steve looked like he hoped is was all wrong. Like he didn’t wanna be tied to Billy in this way.

Billy narrowed his eyes.

“When you were fourteen you watched A Streetcar Named Desire with your mom and you credit Marlon Brando as your queer awakening.”

Steve’s eyes went wide, his mouth trembling.

“Your dad has smacked you once in your life, and it’s when you got the rejection letter from Indiana State. You hid the letter from him because you knew he’d be mad, but he found it and hit you and didn’t talk to you for nearly a month.”

Steve’s eyes were shining now.

“Your mom used to always talk about how much she wished you guys could have a better garden, but because it gets so cold here, she can’t grow anything. The house we have in the daydream has like, a huge fucking garden in it, by the way. I hate gardening but you love it.”

Steve stood abruptly, pacing the length of the room in front of Billy’s bed. Billy just kept going.

It was like everything was ready to burst out of him. To prove that he knows Steve, that he loves Steve. Even if this Steve is somehow different to Dream Steve.

“You go fucking batshit over corn on the cob, just with a little butter and salt on there. That’s somehow your favorite food. Because you’re the most Midwesterner to ever Midwestern, I guess. Your second favorite food is your grandmother’s lasagna. You keep trying to recreate her recipe and no matter how much I tell you it’s fucking delicious, you always get this little pout going and explain to me about how it’s not quite right. You only started smoking because-”

“That’s, I think that’s enough.”

Steve looked like a strong gust of wind would knock him right over.

“It true.?”

“It’s, it’s all true. In, in detail. I mean the, the letter, and my dad. I swore I was never gonna tell anyone about that.”

“It took you a few years. We were talking about my dad. How he treated me, and you admitted that. How sometimes you think about that one time and it makes you sad because that was my everyday-” Billy cut himself off.

Because fuck.

He forgot that Steve knows jack fucking all about Billy.

Which means Steve was currently giving him that look, that wide-eyed, nostrils flared, mouth tight look that he always did when he was angry on Billy’s behalf.

It was kinda hot.

“Excuse me?”

“Forgot my apparent psychic abilities were limited to just me knowing about you.”

“Billy, did your dad hit you?”

And Billy kinda saw no point in lying anymore.

“All the damn time.”

And Steve was back to pacing.

“Fuck. Fuck. That honestly, wow that explains a lot. I mean, yeah. I get it now. I get it.”

Billy let him mutter to himself.

Steve always does better thinking out loud.

“You know, I was actually fucking nervous to tell you, but now I don’t care. Your dad was one of the flayed.”

“Yeah, I know. Only person I never felt guilty about.”

“You’re handling this, like, scary well.”

“Technically, I’ve had thirty years of therapy. All this has been processed already.”

“Wait, your little dream is thirty years in the future?”

“About.”

“So we’re, like, fifty?”

“About.”

“How do I look?”

Billy barked a laugh, regretting it almost immediately as his whole body screamed in protest. He wheezed a few times before he felt like he could speak again.

“I think you’re hot, but you don’t handle aging well.”

“Oh, God. What’s the damage?”

“Not telling. You’re just gonna spend the next thirty years stressing more than you already would. But lemme tell you, first time you found a grey hair? That was the funniest day of my damn life. It was like being in a soap opera. You found it and then called our lawyer to begin drawing up a will. And you kept saying how you probably only have a few god years left in you. It was hilarious.”

“Glad to know you laugh at my pain.”

“It’s one grey hair. Plus you maintain good health, don’t worry. You’ve got plenty of time to whine over grey hairs.”

“At least I don’t go bald.”

“Nah. Full head of natural hair. Not even receding.”

Steve brushed a hand through his hair, dropping heavily back into the seat next to Billy’s bed.

“Man, this is too trippy. Like, from my end, we’re not even close, you know? But to you, we’ve been together for decades. That’s fucking wild.”

“Imagine how I feel. Am I some kind of psychic now, or is this all just fucking delusion?”

“I mean, you know too much shit about me for everything to be, like, a figment of your imagination. But what happens now? Like, if we don’t live out the future just like your daydream, is the world gonna fall apart? Or is that an alternate dimension? Like, if the Upside Down exists, there’s gotta be other worlds too. Is that one of them and maybe because you were infected by the Mind Flayer you have like, a link between both worlds?” Steve’s brows were furrowed, his eyes darting all over the ceiling as he thought out loud. “And, I mean, I’m confused. I don’t know what my feelings towards you are. Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s been interest since you showed up. But now you’re telling me in some reality, we’ve been together for thirty years, and obviously you know all this deep shit about me, so do we date? When you know me like the back of your hand and I barely know you at all? And are you technically fifty years old? Since you lived out that other life?”

Billy’s head was starting to hurt, and he felt tired again.

“Sugar, you think we could table this?”

Steve’s cheeks went red as his jaw clacked shut.

“Is that what you call me? Sugar?”

“Call you a lot ‘a stuff.”

“Uh, like, like what?”

“Sugar, Pretty Boy, Stevie, Baby, Sweet Thing, Honey. Mac n’ Steve comes to mind.” Steve smiled softly at the last one, his cheeks still warm. “Princess.” Steve opened his mouth, his brows furrowing, the blush spreading down his neck. “No sense in denying how much you like them. Those are tried and true. Thirty years of calling you all that. Plus a few others. But, you know. Those are mostly reserved for the bedroom.”

Steve’s eyes went huge again.

“Fuck. You probably know what I kinks I have better than I do.”

“Oh, we’ve done some exploring in our time.”

Steve bent forward to bury his face in his hands with an Oh, God.

“I don’t think I wanna know.”

“Trust me when I say, you enjoy most of it.”

“Oh, most. That’s great.”

“There’s some trial and error. But we’re good at laughing stuff off, you and me.”

And then Steve’s eyes went wide, and he sat up straight in his chair.

“Wait, you said. When I first asked about the dream, you said, you said married. We got-I mean, we can get married?”

“Yeah. And we like, make out in public and shit. Hold hands everywhere. We’re big saps.”

Steve took a shaky breath.

“So things get, they get better? For people like us?”

“Yeah, they do,” Billy kept his voice soft, felt like sharing this thread of hope should be kept intimate, quiet. And Steve’s face split into a wide grin.

“God, I can’t fucking wait. Just to be, not to be scared all the time. Of everyone finding out this big fucking secret. It just, is.” Steve huffed a laugh. “Can’t believe it. Two guys getting married. Was our wedding nice?”

“We had two. One in the courthouse, one with everybody.”

“Wow. I just can’t believe it-wait, who;s everybody?”

“Your gang of weirdos. Here.”

And Steve lips parted, and he made that cute little face he always does before he cries.

“They all come? Dustin and the Byers and everyone?”

“Robin officiates. Dustin cries really fuckin’ loudly.”

“And they’re all, they’re all fine with it?”

“Yep.”

“God. It’s all, you think it’s too good to be true?”

“Everything I know about you was right. Don’t see a reason why everything else would be wrong.”

“Then, where do we go from here? Like, do we try to follow your memories? Or, forge our own path? Will the fact that we know about this future automatically change it?”

Billy’s heart was doing something funny as Steve wondered aloud to himself about all this.

The fact that he was all in, dead set on having this happy future with Billy, when he didn’t even know Billy.

“Are you sure about this? If we do this? Or some form of it. I mean, I know fucking everything about you. And you don’t know me at all.”

“I know you well enough to see the good in you. I know you well enough to see that under all your big scary toughness you’re caring. And you’re kind. Although you’d probably rather be dead than admit it. And besides. If, in another reality, or in the future, or whatever, I pick you to spend my life with, obviously that means there’s something in you that makes me love you.”

Billy gawked at him.

His face was hot, no doubt bright fucking red.

Because, holy shit was that a lot.

And even Billy, used to Steve’s passionate little tangents after thirty dream-years worth, was taken aback by how quickly Steve was ready to jump into this.

And all of a sudden, Billy wanted nothing more than to reach out to Steve, to pull him close and kiss him until he couldn’t fucking breathe.

“Harrington, I’m gonna need you to come kiss me right the fuck now.”

And Steve smiled, his most sunshiney happy smile, and the chair legs scraped along the tiled floor as he got up, sitting carefully on the edge of Billy’s bed.

He leaned over him, cupping Billy’s cheek in his hand, and pressing the softest of sugar kisses to his lips.

Billy let his eyes flutter closed, and he put one hand bandaged on Steve’s lap, wanting to grasp at him, to pull him even closer.

But Steve wrapped his other hand as gently as possible around the thick bandages, pulling away slowly, studying Billy’s face.

“I never asked. Is this always how our first kiss went?”

And Billy tried to search his memory, tried to find the sweet first kiss.”

“I-I don’t remember.”

Steve sat back.

“What?”

“Our first kiss, from the memories. I don’t remember. It’s like, when I think of our first kiss, all I can think of is that one just now. The other one is gone.”

An ache settled in Billy’s chest at the prospect, at losing a perfect memory with Steve. Losing their first kiss.

“So, when we do something, it like, replaces the old memory?”

“I guess.”

“So, we can build new ones then. And like, you won’t have to go through your whole life twice. We can start closer to square one. Memories that’ll be ours, and not ones that I don’t know.”

And that’s true.

For the pain of every memory gone is a brand new one, one that Steve would remember and be a part of too.

“Then I’m not telling you anymore. If we’re gonna build the memories together, we can’t be working off of some, some blueprint. Things need to be ours.”

“Agreed. We’ll make it up as we go.” Steve hadn’t stopped smiling at Billy.

“Is it weird I’m gonna kinda miss seeing you all old? You’re a silver fucking fox.”

“Yes, Bill. That’s fucking weird.” Steve took his hand and pressed a kiss on his bandages, right over where his palm will be. “Just means you’ll have to watch me go through it all again, though.”

“God, that’s the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Yeah? That get you going? The thought of me aging?”

“Nah, Pretty Boy. The thought of us aging together.”

“Wow. When you said we’re saps, you really meant it.”

Billy rolled his eyes, sighing as deeply as he could.

“Can it, Harrington. Or I’ll call the nurse and have you escorted out by security.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t. You’d miss me too much.” Steve pressed another kiss to his bandaged hand before sliding off the hospital bed, sitting back in this chair, scooting it as close as possible to the bed. He rested his elbows on the edge of Billy’s bed, and set his chin in his hands. “So, California, huh? When do we head out there?”

“Remember, like, twenty seconds ago when I said I wasn’t gonna say any more?”

Steve pushed his bottom lip out, making his eyes go big as he pouted at Billy.

“That doesn’t work on me anymore, Baby.” That was absolutely a lie. It worked on Billy nearly every time. But what’s he gonna do, reveal his weakness to Steve? Absolutely fucking not.

“C’mon, Bill. Just like, the year.”

“Nope. Not saying a damn thing.”

“Please?” Steve pouted some more.

“So odd to hear you begging outside of the bedroom.” Billy grinned with his tongue between his teeth as Steve dropped his little pouty face, his cheeks going red. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Steve rolled his eyes. Sailing right past pleading and into petulant.

“Fine. I’ll just rot here until you decide to whisk me away to California. Better make it soon or else I may just die of boredom.”

“Jesus, so fucking dramatic. Didn’t we say we’re gonna make our own memories and shit? You can very well ask me to run away with you.”

“Maybe we should like, go on a date first. So I know you’re not a serial killer before I get in a car with you and drive out of state.”

“You’re so weird.” Steve made a snarky face at him. “But you better be planning our first date. I don’t wanna accidentally repeat the other one. Want us to have our own.”

And Billy felt that overwhelming sense of sadness at losing the memories of the other date, the perfect timid experience. Going to the diner and ordering to go, eating while sitting on the hood of Steve’s car overlooking the quarry, talking for hours and hours.

But he’ll get a new memory. One he’ll cherish just as much, maybe even more, knowing that Steve will cherish the memory too.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll take out. Maybe just metaphorically speaking, as I don’t think you’re in any shape to be going out.”

“Ha ha, Shithead. Just make it nice. You’ve got a lot to live up to.”

Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly as he sighed dramatically.

“If our whole relationship is just you holding me to the impossibly high standard of alternate reality me, then I want out now.”

“Relax. The standard’s not that high.”

 Steve made an indignant squawking sound.

Billy just laughed.

“I’m kidding. Just, you know. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble meeting the standard. I fell for you once. I can do it again.”

And Steve’s face went all soft again, and he curled forward to rest his head on Billy’s arm.

“Thirty years. Always thought I’d end up divorced. People tend to get sick of me.”

“Not me. Never got sick of you, never gonna get sick of you. You’re stuck with me.”

“Then you’re stuck with me too.”

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 5 (Nessian AU)

A/N: Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, an angry Nesta and a heart-broken Cassian

2094 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

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Nesta had never been one for small talk but in his presence she spoke as if she was excellent in small talk. They spoke of all unimportant things and ended up forgetting the important stuff; their names. Again.

Feyre sent an invitation for her first anniversary party as she did for every other occasion. The only thing different was that Nesta never bothered to pay heed to her invitations before. After the day in the alley, however, she decided she was going to turn over a new leaf. This was her first step.

She checked her reflection on the side-mirror. She tried to keep her outfit and make-up as simple as possible. She only wore a white ruffled-sleeved blouse with a black pencil skirt. Her hair was braided into a coronet. She looked good, but not as good as she’ll look if she took her own time to do a detailed make-over. She let out a breath and braced herself for the inevitable little chat with her sisters.

“Nesta?” a bewildered voice breathed. She whirled around to face her younger sister, Elain, looking up at her, a small smile playing about her lips. “You’re here,” she said and flung her arms around Nesta. Nesta automatically wrapped her arms around Elain’s smaller frame. Eventually, Elain pulled back.

“No offense, but I really thought you wouldn’t be coming,” Elain said.

Nesta felt as if the smile on her face couldn't be wiped out for the next few hours. “Honestly, I didn't think I'd come either. But here I am.”

She nodded and pulled Nesta to the garden the party was held at.

“I did this,” Elain said. “This garden, I planted and groomed all this.”

“No wonder why it looks so beautiful,” Nesta replied.

She flushed and said contemplatively, “You're so different now, Nesta.”

“I hope in a good way. Where's Feyre?”

“Let's go meet everyone first.”

Nesta shook her head. “I— I need to talk to both of you before I meet everyone else. ”

Elain hesitated then said, “Can you wait in that room? I'll fetch Feyre and come.”

Nesta nodded and headed to the door at the end of the garden Elain pointed at. The room was classy, much like the exterior of the house. She was struck by the simple yet grand theme of Feyre's house. She knew he and his brothers were rich but she just didn't understand the extent of their wealth. Till now.

“What are you thinking?” Feyre wasn't the type to blindly trust people. It took more than coming for her anniversary to persuade her that Nesta's intentions were good.

Nesta faced Feyre, her youngest sister, who stood before her, gorgeous yet fierce in a simple but elegant blue gown. She shrugged, “Just thinking that I'm glad my sisters were well-provided when I couldn't take care of them.”

Feyre’s face didn’t change, she just gestured towards the couches. “Have a seat,” she said.

Nesta sat down, “You both look splendid,” she said. Feyre said that the gown was a gift, Elain thanked Nesta and offered the same.

Nesta cleared her throat. “I need to tell the both of you something. Many things, actually.”

Elain nodded encouragingly. Feyre said, “Go on.”

So Nesta spoke. She apologised. For how she wasn't there to fulfill the role of an elder sister. For how she failed to attend Feyre's marriage and many other occasions. For all the rude words she spoke to them. For shunning them. She apologised for being self consumed. For everything else.

She also promised. To try harder. To become better. To be a good sister and sister-in-law. To be with them at all times, especially when they needed her. And they listened.

“I know these words aren't enough, but I'll try to make it so,” she finished, her hands clasped with both her sisters on her sides.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. We will too,” Feyre said.

“I see a very bright future ahead of us,” Elain said.

Nesta couldn't help the tears anymore. She folded her arms around her sisters and tucked them close. Her sisters. Her beloved sisters she now knew she'd do anything to protect.

“I see a very bright future too,” Nesta said.

Nesta pulled back after what felt like an hour and looked at her sisters' tear-streaked faces.

“I love you,” the three of them said simultaneously. Nesta giggled. Elain laughed. Feyre stared.

Nesta gently brushed the tears from both of their cheeks. “I don't want to see any of you crying.”

She hugged them again, willing the hug to convey everything she didn't say out loud.

“Now, now, enough snuggling. We've got a party to attend and people to meet, remember?” Feyre said.

***

Cassian was anxious. He had always hoped Nesta, his sister-in-law, would come for the gatherings they had; be it family dinners, or birthday parties, or the random meetings they had when they just got tipsy and played games. He hadn't seen her face-to-face before. All he knows about Nesta are from the descriptions from Feyre and Elain. That, too, was minimal. One of them would quickly change the topic to something pleasant the moment traces of an emotional breakdown were visible. Every time he hoped, he was let down. She never came. He vowed he would stop hoping and instead just go about and act as if she didn't exist. But that never happened. Every time his family met, his treacherous heart would start hoping only to have a chunk of it fall off when she failed to attend. Today was no different.

Then there’s the woman who he’d been talking to the whole afternoon. He was a tangled up mess of emotions and doubt and confusion. He had been sort-of pining after Nesta. She was exactly the person he’d like. Apparently she was drop-dead gorgeous, witty and… feral. Feyre said that. Feral. She’d be someone worth seeing. She was totally a worthy opponent. It’d be fun. But the other woman? Mother above, she was ethereal. More than ethereal, in fact. Words can't contain what he had to say about her.

He was damn near killing Az for calling him right when they were about to exchange names. He really can't believe he was a hairsbreadth away from knowing her before it was all ripped away. Now they were back to square one. He didn't know anything about her.

Azriel clapped him on his back so hard that he almost stumbled and fell. Or probably that was because he was too distracted. “All good Somm?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he replied noncommittally. He busied his hands with re-rinsing the champagne flutes and wiping them clean again. He did this two times already. Still.

“Mood is sour today, Cass?” Az teased, mock-frowning.

“Nah,” Cassian said wryly, “it's as sweet as honeydew. Especially today, when my chat got interrupted.” He glared at Azriel.

“Now, now, that is a story for another day. For now though, I think I've got something that can cheer up your brooding self.”

“What is it?” he mumbled.

Az grinned. “Nesta is here.”

***

Feyre and Elain took Nesta on a quick tour around the house. Feyre’s paintings were hung on the walls throughout the whole house. Nesta grimly noticed that there wasn't a single picture of her. There were even paintings of their father whose heart had long stopped beating. But none of hers. If only she didn’t push herself away, Nesta would’ve been a happy part of her sisters’ lives.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Feyre took her hand in hers. Elain tucked herself to Nesta’s side, wrapping her arms over her slender shoulders.

Nesta already met Mor, a stunning blonde woman, and Amren, a slightly intimidating and short person. Now she only had to meet her brother-in-laws.

“Let’s go meet the boys!” Elain said brightly.

We walked back to the garden. Feyre seemed to get more and more elated the closer we got to the garden. Huh. Probably falling in love would do that to someone. Anyway, as long as her sisters were happy.

They stepped through the doorway. The garden was decorated with more banners and streamers hung on the back of chairs and on the low branches. Again, it looked opulent in a simple way.

There were three men in the centre of the garden, gathered around a table. They all were slightly similar, broad shouldered, tapered waists, muscular limbs. Three of them wore formal shirts and pants clinging to their frames. The one in the middle was Rhysand, she supposed. She smirked internally. Of course Feyre ended up with this guy. She's got a good taste. Must've gotten it from the oldest sister.

The one on the right, though. His figure felt familiar. Very, very familiar. She couldn't quite put a finger on it yet.

“The one on the left is Azriel, the one on the right is Cassian,” Feyre said, and Nesta nodded.

The boys must be really engrossed with their conversation. They hadn't noticed the three of them yet.

The guy she thought was familiar threw his head back and laughed. She gasped. That laugh. She'd know the laugh anywhere. Indeed, when he angled his face so that she could get a glimpse, she knew she was done for. She swallowed with much difficulty.

“I need to go,” she said quickly.

“Go? But— but we haven't cut the cake yet. It's still early. We've got lots more fun stuff,” Elain said.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. Only, this doesn't feel like 'trying',” Feyre said.

They sounded… hurt.

Mother above, I'm doing this wrong.

“Nesta?” Elain asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Feyre added, “you look pale.”

“Y-yeah it's f-fine. Kinda. My head hurts,” she said, accidentally clutching her stomach. “I-I mean, yeah my head hurts. Very badly. I gotta go.” She looked helplessly at both of them. “I'm so sorry. I really am. It's just— I think I need rest. I'll recompense. Probably dinner in three days?” They both shared a look and agreed.

Nesta was already walking away. “Love you both,” she threw over her shoulder.

***

“Feyre!” Rhys called. He beckoned Feyre and Elain to the table. He didn't see Nesta.

Cassian lightly kissed Feyre on her cheek once they made their way to the table and said, “Gorgeous as always. Happy anniversary!”

Feyre grinned, but it showed traces of disappointment.

He frowned. “Hey, what's wrong?”

She just shook her head and mumbled, “Nesta.” Rhys's face hardened. His brother was never fond of Nesta. He said that she was why Feyre was always worried.

“Where's Nesta?” Az asked, craning his neck to see behind farther.

“She… left,” Elain pointed, revealing a figure disappearing behind the gates. A figure he knew all too well. Shitshitshitshit.

His head snapped back to his brothers. “That is Nesta?” he damn near shouted.

Rhys scowled, “Yeah.”

No wonder why she's so beautiful, he thought dumbly before running after her with a quick “I'll be back.”

***

Nesta was wrong. In all her happiness of being reunited with her sisters, she completely forgot how even a small thing can break one's smile. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She kept her calm demeanour, but inside, she was a raging storm of emotions.

One step in front of the other, she kept reminding herself.

She kept walking. Even when she heard footsteps. Even when the steps got louder. Even as he got close enough to cease running.

But not when he called her name. She halted. Locked up her emotions. She knew she shouldn't but she turned around anyway.

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Nesta,” he breathed. She tried to hold back her shudder. It was from the night air, she told herself.

“If you have nothing to say, do let me know. I'm not going to wait forever,” she said. Harsher than she intended to. But she didn't care, at least, that's what she told herself.

Cassian winked, “I'm honored you came, sweetheart. I'll pass the credit to my influence on you. ”

She ground her teeth against the truth threatening to fall off her lips. Yes, I came here because you made me happy. And I thought that if I tried, as I did with you, I can rebuild my relationship with my sisters.

***

Cassian did something stupid. He grabbed her hand. Her eyes snapped to his, burning with anger. Like the day they first met.

He gave her a crooked grin that he knew would drive her mad. Well, more than she already was. He tilted his head to the garden, “The party is that way, love.”

She snatched back her hand at continued walking. Like a fool, he followed. “I spoke to my sisters. Told them I won't be staying tonight. And that we'll have dinner in three day's time. Does that satisfy you? Now, can you stop following me?”

“Something's wrong. What's wrong, Nes?”

“One,” she ground out, “don't call me that. Two, I'm a grown-ass woman; I know how to take care of myself. I don't need a babysitter.”

“You did. That day,” he said quietly.

She whirled on him, “Is this you taking back favours? Because I'm not interested. You want money? Take it. Tell me your price and fucking take it! Don't tread on my heels because you helped me, okay? I've got way better things to do.” She paused, “And don't follow me, Cassian.”

She turned and stalked away.

You want money? Take it. 'Take it.' As if he were a beggar, asking for alms. As if they weren't laughing at each other's jokes not more than an hour ago. As if he didn't spend a week taking care of her as if she were a part of his soul. Maybe she was.

But that was before, Cassian thought as his heart cleaved into two perfect halves. No— it smashed to a million tiny pieces.

He waited till Nesta was out of his line of sight. He turned and walked back to the garden, leaving his heart behind.

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[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙

[jawritter]

I Did It Because I Love You

**Warning** Angst, Dean is an asshole. Some language, unrequited/requited feelings. Injured Raeder. Brief description of injury and SPN level violence. Angry reader. Fluff. I think that’s it.

A/N: Cross-posted on Wattpad! Please don’t copy my stuff!! As always feedback is gold!! All mistakes are mine! Hope you enjoy it! If you would like to be added to my tag list let me know!!

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader. 

Word Count: 2689

Want more? Check out my Masterlist.

************MASTERLIST*************

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It had been a long hunt. You were tired, the boys were tired, everyone was in a grumpy mood. So you sat quietly in the back seat of Baby, knowing better than to open your mouth right now. It wasn't wise to test Dean when he was in a good mood, but when he was tired and annoyed; that was downright stupid.

You could feel his eyes on you occasionally in the rearview mirror. You refused to meet his gaze. Looking out the window, watching the Texas countryside fly by. It was all you could do to make it through this hunt, his comments and constant belittling of you didn't help your state of mind either. You were unfortunately stuck with the Winchesters right now, so you just decided the only way to deal with Dean and his constant ability to be an absolute asshole was just avoid, and ignore him as much as possible.

Two days ago you stopped talking to him completely, and barely even acknowledge him when he gave instructions on hunts. It was literally driving him insane, and you knew it, but you just didn't have the fight in you anymore it took to stand toe to toe with him.

Your mind wandered back to the last fight you had with him the day before you left to go on this hunt with him.

--------------------------------------------

"I know you don't think you're actually going on this hunt, " Dean said, as you descended the stairs into the bunker with your duffle bag over your shoulder.

"Your brother called, said he needed some help with a vamp nest you boys were about to take down in Southeast Texas, asked me to tag along because I was in the area, is that a problem for you Dean?" you asked the eldest Winchester, stopping at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yes, it is a problem. I don't know why my brother thought we needed you of all people to help take down a simple vamp nest, but we're gonna handle this just fine without you. So you can see yourself out." he said, closing the distance between the two of you, towering over you, trying to use his sheer height advantage to make himself look threatening.

"You need to crawl your little ass back in your car, and find someone else to leech off of sweetheart, we don't need you. Every hunt we have to do with you, I have to step in and save your ass. If I wanted another liability on a hunt, I would have called the Ghostfacers."

You wanted more than anything to knock that cocky smirk right off his face, but you knew Sam would lose his shit if you hit his brother.

"Fuck you, Winchester. I can carry my own damn self. I don't need you to save me, I'm not some damsel in distress..."

Dean jumped in before you could even finish your sentence, almost chest to chest with you now.

"Listen to me bitch, you are a piss poor excuse for a hunter, your reckless, and stupid. You don't think three feet ahead of yourself, and if you had any fucking sense, which you obviously don't, you would walk out that door right now, and go wait tables or some shit, because that's all your really qualified to do."

That stung. You'd been hunting since you were Dean's age, even though he was 10 years older than you. You both got thrown into the life the same way, you both were just kids when your mother's died. Your sister wasn't as lucky as Sammy though.

You opened your mouth to say something, but Dean stepped back and walked off before you could respond.

---------------------------------------

The insults and constant criticism of everything you did from then on got worse and worse as the days passed, and you all worked on the hunt. The vamps nest was bigger than you all had thought, and when you all snuck in during the day, to take them out "easy" according to Dean, while they were sleeping. They weren't in fact "sleeping", but very much awake, and it took all of you everything you had in you to take them all down.

Two of them had you back into a corner, and if it wasn't for Dean, you'd either be dead or in transition right now. It wasn't your fault it happened though, you three had thought you had wiped out the whole nest, and you were walking out behind the boys when two vamps grabbed you and tried to drag you back into the house. Dean and his cat-like reflexes cut both their heads off, but not before they had pulled you down by your hair, and drug you a few feet across the dirty cabin floor, leaving a nasty gash on the back of your leg.

Dean tried to check it before you climbed into Baby, but you refused to look at him or let him touch you. You tie your flannel around your leg tightly to stop the bleeding until you could get to the motel to stitch yourself up, and slammed the car door in his face instead of letting him do anything.

Sam said nothing, just watched the exchange. He had not been thrilled with the way his brother had been treating you this week. Making you sleep on the couch, refusing to share a bed with you while knowing Sam was way too tall to share that little full-sized bed with. Everything that came out of his mouth to you for the past three days was an insult. Even though you just took it, and didn't even speak to him Dean never let up. Sam figured he deserved it, and just smirked getting into the car.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Dean pulled into the parking lot of the rundown dump you were staying at. Getting out of the car you limped toward the front of the hotel where the lobby was located.

"Y/N! What are you doing? Come on let us stitch that up!" Dean yelled after you, but you refused to respond, just kept limping toward the front of the hotel, cursing the guy for putting your room all the way in the back of the hotel when you checked in with the boys.

You could hear Dean coming up behind you, he tried to grab your arm, and you turned on your heels. Before you can control your own actions, anger and hurt won out, and you slapped him hard in the face as you could with your thrown off balance. It was still hard enough to make him stumble backward, which you made a mental note to smirk about later. Right now you were too angry.

Dean looked at you with his hand on the side of his face like a deer caught in the headlights. Which was very funny coming from a big, strong, manly hunter; but you didn't have the strength to laugh right now.

You just turned around and started your trip back to the front of the hotel. This time it was Sam running up behind you. Grabbing you by the shoulders, and turning you around to face him. He was smart enough to keep a hold on you though so you couldn't slap him. You could see Dean standing at the same stop, still looking stunned and holding his face.

"Y/N, where are going?" he said, a look of concern on his face.

"To get my own room. I've had enough of Dean and his shit, I want to put some distance between me and your brother before I kill him in his sleep, Sam."

Sam pulled you into a tight hug, and you felt tears falling down your face that you had held at bay the whole ride back to the hotel. After a few minutes he let you go, Dean still stood at a safe distance watching the two of you.

"Wait here, and I'll go get you a room. Then I'll come and stitch your leg up."

You nodded, not saying anything, wiping your face, and hoping Dean hadn't seen you cry because you knew he'd have something mean to say to you about it.

You hobbled your way over to the bench that wasn't far from where you were standing and sat down to wait for Sam to come back with your room key. When you looked up though it wasn't Sam, but Dean standing over you.

"Y/n... I..."

"Get away from her Dean, she's had enough of you, and I don't blame her," Sam said, coming to your rescue. Helping you get to your feet and he leads you to your room away from Dean.

------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later your leg had been stitched and bandaged, thanks to Sam, and you had showered and gotten into your favorite oversized T-shirt and boy shorts. Not bothering to put sleeping pants on because the boys were staying in another room down the breezeway from you, and were there alone. Plus it hurt to have too much rub against your injured leg.

You were almost dozing off when you heard a knock on your door. Thinking it was Sam bringing you food that he'd promised he'd bring to you, you just yelled "It's open," not bothering to get up to look at who it was.

The door opened slowly, and Dean stuck his head in your room. You rolled over on your side away from the door as he entered and closed the door slowly behind him. A bag of food in one hand, and a bag from what looked like the drug store in the other.

"Hey," he said timidly, placing the stuff on your nightstand in front of you. Childishly, but you were to weak and tired to run with an injury, you rolled over on your other side. Trying to not look at him, and refusing to answer him.

"Y/N, Please... You need to eat, and I brought you something for pain. I know that's gotta hurt."

You laid there facing the wall, not saying anything, and still refusing to look at the handsome hunter. Even though you were hurt deeply, even though you were angrier than you'd ever been in your life, your heart still skips a beat when those beautiful green eyes meet yours.

Right now though, you hate it, you want to be mad. You have every right to be angry. Dean had been nothing but nasty to you the whole time you were on this hunt with the Winchesters from the point that you walked into the bunker. He'd repeatedly ripped your heart out and stomped on it. Now, even though he's devastatingly handsome, even though you have spent nights when you weren't even with the Winchesters dreaming of just laying next to him, your trust was broken along with your heart, and you didn't even know if you were able to forgive him.

"Listen, I know you're angry with me, you have every right to be... I've been a horrible dick to you ever since you stepped foot in the bunker. That was wrong.. I'm an idiot. I was hoping that if I discouraged you from coming with us you wouldn't be put in harm's way. I didn't want to see you hurt, and I thought I was protecting you." 

You felt the bed dip under his weight as he sat down on the bed next to you, and his hand came down on your shoulder, which you instinctively pulled away from. You couldn't see him, but you could have sworn you felt him flinch.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to make what I did better. I don't know how to take it all back. If I did I would. You have every right to be mad at me. Please understand that I did it because I'm in love with you, I thought if you stayed away then you wouldn't be hurt like you are right now. When that fucking thing grabbed you it was like looking at my worse nightmare. I can't stand the thought of having to burn your body sweetheart."

You could feel the tears falling down our face now. You couldn't understand what you were hearing. The Dean Winchester just said he loved you... That's impossible... You must have hit your head harder than you thought, and you were hallucinating... But his hand on your shoulder just now felt very real, his bodyweight next to you, sitting on the bed. That was very real...

Turning to face him slowly you saw he looked horrible. He was paler than usual. He looked completely exhausted. You couldn't make your voice work. All those hateful things he'd said to you still ringing in your head. No matter what he was saying, or how tired he looked.

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me right now, fuck I'll be lucky if you ever forgive me at all, but I'm not going anywhere, Sweetheart. I'm going to stay here and make sure your taken care of. I came so fucking close to losing you today. Our lives are short. We probably will never live to see 60. I only probably got 10 years left if I'm lucky."

You laid there staring at his hand on yours. You didn't pull away this time. When you looked up at him again to your surprise he had real tears falling down his God-like face. It made your heart seize up in your chest in spite of you.

"Please Y/N, say something. I can't take the silence anymore. " 

You knew he was telling the truth. The silence was getting pretty cruel at this point.

"I don't know what to say to you, Dean. You really, really hurt me."

You hated how weak your voice sounded. You were a hunter. Right now though you felt like a child.

He sat there with his head down. He looked tired and defeated, just like you felt.

After a few minutes, he got up and nodded his head. Looking like he'd had his heart ripped out and stomped on himself. Heading for the door with his head down.

"Where are you going?" you ask before you could stop yourself.

"You don't want me here," he said, not turning around, talking to his feet. "You got your own room because I've been such an ass, and you wanted to get away from me... I made you hate me."

Sitting up you looked at the man that was so strong he carried everyone, the man that never showed weakness, he looked so weak right now., so done. It made you realize even though he was always trying to carry everyone else's problems, no one ever tried to help him carry his.

Maybe he was wasn't lying just to make you feel better, maybe he was telling the truth.

"Stay," you half-whispered, but he heard you, turning slowly to look at you.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure Dean, stay..."

He had a lot of making up to do, but maybe it was best to start at the beginning. Relationships are a give and take thing. If one of you doesn't give this was never going to work. He just gave. That couldn't have been easy for him. If you were going to not lose this chance you where going to have to take his apology.

Dean came back over to the bed cautiously. Sitting down on the edge before you pulled the covers up, signaling him to slip underneath with you. Which he did slowly.

"You know it's going to take me a very long time to fully forgive you, Dean," you tell him as you snuggle into his side. His strong arms wrapping around you immediately, pulling you into him.

"I know, I'm so, so, so sorry."

Putting your hand over his chest where you could feel his heart beating you take a deep breath. Breathing in a scent that was uniquely Dean. Gunpowder, whiskey, and his cologne.

Things weren't going to be easy for the two of you, but you had to start somewhere, and here in his arms felt like a pretty good place.

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons​  @imabitch4jensen​  @rvgrsbrns​  @bi-danvers0​

[kyoka-jirou]

HELLO HI HOW ARE YOU. Soo I heard soulmate au; can we have a tamakixreader where reader has had bad soulmate experiences (parents didnt work out) and is insecure and avoids the situation? Bonus points for Tamaki being insecure and wondering if it's because he's not good enough.

The ANGST IS REAAALLLL! ; - ; this is just so cute and pure it’s not even- like what o-o

note: your dad is aged-up Hawks now. you’re welcome.

Tamaki Amajiki X Reader | Doodles

soulmate au in which whatever your draw on yourself also appears on your soulmate.

(Warnings: Parents that fight, insecurity, self doubt, extreme verbal abuse, lANGuAgE)

They were fighting again. You could hear it from downstairs.

“You can’t just come home drunk every night!” your dad shouted.

“I told you, I was just at the office late tonight! I wasn’t- I’m not drunk!” you heard your mom slur. Even though her words were steady, you could hear her tripping over her own feet.

“I can’t do this anymore, Belle! Y/N cries herself to sleep half the time because of you!”

“Y/N is just a wimpy little whore! She can’t even talk without that damn stutter!”

“She only stutters when she’s talking to you!” your dad shouted, “You’ve made her so scared of you she can’t even look you in the eye!”

You let a small tear fall down your cheek before turning the music in your headphones up. It seems like the only thing that could keep you calm was music. Whether it’d be Garth Brooks, Jared Halley, or (favorite artist), you somehow found comfort on nights like these.

‘Hey, you up?’ you scribbled on your arm.

Thirty seconds later, there was a response. 

‘Of course I am. Is it happening again?’

You sighed. He always knew what was going on.

‘Yea. Trying to drown it out though.’

‘That’s good. Where are you going for your third year of high school? I remember you said you were transferring...’

You sighed, remembering that you were starting school tomorrow. A full two weeks into the school year.

‘Yueei High. How about you?’

‘Yueei? Wow. That’s pretty cool.’

‘I guess. It wasn’t my choice though. I feel pressured into it, my dad being the freaking number two hero.’

‘Wait a second- what?’

You gasped, forgetting you’d barely mentioned anything about yourself besides the fighting. Capping your pen. You curled up on your bed, letting out a sob.

Your snow white wings curled around you, and the halo of hope that you felt in your hidden identity shattered, as you cried yourself to sleep.

----------

“Mirio I messed up.” he said as soon as his friend picked up the phone.

Around fifteen seconds later, a naked teenager barreled through his wall. Tamaki stifled a scream and he covered his eyes.

“You keep forgetting that we live in dorms Tamaki, just come on over and knock!” he smiled.

“M-Mirio, p-please put some c-clothes on.” 

“Oh, right. Sorry about that.” he said blankly, going back to his room. A few minutes later a knock sounded on his door and Tamaki got up and opened it.

Outside stood Mirio and.. Nejire.

He shook his head, of course Mirio called her over. They were practically attached at the hip ever since they found out they were soulmates. It would have made him feel like a third wheel, but he was too involved in their friendship to be let go like that.

He motioned for them to come in, and then he explained the situation.

“Well,” Nejire trailed off. “She obviously doesn’t know you’ll be here. So we could surprise her tomorrow. I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.”

Mirio nodded, “That could work! And, we could all be best friends!”

Tamaki shrunk back, “But what if she doesn’t like the attention?”

“It’ll be fine!” Nejire smiled, “She’ll feel welcomed in no time!”

----

It was Monday.

You had hesitantly gotten up to your alarm at around five-thirty, and had taken a quick hot shower. As soon as you’d gotten dressed and your hair & wings dried, you looked at the clock. It was now six-thirty.

You headed downstairs, being mindful of the shattered vase on the ground. Sliding over to the kitchen in your sock-clad feet, you opened the fridge to find a small bento and a note.

‘hey little fledgling, I made you some lunch- don’t forget that you have a meeting with principal nezu at eight. love you! - the overgrown chicken <3’

You smiled softly at your father’s antics, and you put the small bento in your saddle bag, along with a few one-subject notebooks and a pencil case.

Filling up your water bottle, you clipped it onto the side of your bag and slipped on your shoes. Patting the side pocket, you made sure your phone and wallet were in there, before heading out.

You didn’t live very far from the school, but you still wanted to get out of your house early, before the rush of kids trying to get to school came out. You didn’t like it when they stared at your wings. It made you feel uncomfortable.

Sighing, you trudged along the sidewalk, littered with old pieces of gum and trash. Quickening your pace, you managed to get to school at around seven-fifteen.

Taking a breath, you entered the gates and pulled up the schedule and map of the school that your dad had sent you earlier. Taking a few more cautious steps forward, you made your way up the steps to your locker. 

---

“Hello!” a small white mouse thing shouted, looking at you. “You must be Y/N Takami!”

You nodded your head slightly, “That’s me.”

“Great!” he smiled, taking a look at your obviously nervous form, before starting the meeting.

He ended up giving you a tour, since you were pretty early, and explained how the hero course would work.

“I understand that your father has taught you about hero-work for the past few years, correct?”

You nodded, “Yes, that’s true.”

He grinned, “I take it you’re very well acquainted with the rules of hero-work then.”

You nodded again, “Yes sir, I am. I have even already received my provisional licensing exam.”

He hummed, already expecting as much. “Well then, Takami-san. Here is your classroom. Do you need anything else before we go inside?”

You stiffened, not quite realizing that you’d already made your way to your class.

“N-No, not of the moment. But thank you.” you stammered.

“Ok then!” he smiled, opening the door, and leading you inside.

You took a shaky breath before following him in, your wings stiffened.

“Hello!” Nezu started, “A new student has transferred into your class, please introduce yourself.”

You faced the front of the class with the most false courage you could muster.

“H-Hi, I-I’m Y/N Takami, p-please take care of me!” you bowed swiftly.

“Woah! You have wings!”

“That’s so cool!”

“She’s cute, too!”

“Yess! Another girl!”

You smiled politely at the compliments as you made your way to the back of the classroom, waving Nezu goodbye.

“Well!” your teacher said, “Why don’t you all take this period to introduce yourselves!” 

The students cheered before you were met face-to-face with a guy who looked a bit like tin-tin.

“Eep!” you screamed slightly, startled.

“Mirio!” a blue haired girl yelled, “What did we talk about! Don’t scare her off!”

She sighed, before taking your hand, “Hi, I’m Nejire Hado, just call me Nejire.”

“Y-Y/N Takami, but y-you already knew that. Just call me Y/N.”

“Okey dokey, Y/N!” she smiled. “So! What do you like to do in your spare time?”

You and Nejire chatted away as the rest of the class just fell into a steady murmur. But, as you glanced around, you couldn’t help but notice the guy sitting a few rows from you, who was stressfully talking to the other guy from earlier.

Huh. Weird.

----

“Y/N! Y/N! Come eat lunch with us!” Nejire shouted from across the room. You froze before nodding slightly, feeling like a deer in headlights.

Packing up your bag, you looked at the small red flower you drew on your hand during class. It wasn’t much, but looking at it helped you calm down.

Slowly, you followed a chipper Nejire down the hall, noting the two boys following you as well.

When you all had finally found an empty table in the cafeteria, you sat down and began to eat.

“So, Y/N-” the tin-tin look-alike, who you knew as Mirio, started, “Have you found your soulmate yet?”

You, Nejire, and the shy boy you were introduced to, Tamaki, choked on your food.

“Mirio!”

“Y-you c-can’t j-just ask t-that!”

You giggled slightly at their antics, the question settling deep into your mind. What do you say?

“No.” you sighed, “I haven’t met him yet.”

The table was silent as you began to eat again, the tension thick.

Finally not being able to take it, you sighed looking up, “Is there something wrong with-”

Your breath caught in your throat.

On Tamaki’s hand, was the very flower you drew in class that day.

They seemed to notice your tense stature as they one-by-one began to follow your gaze.

“-oh.”

“Surprise?”

Your eyes widened as you realized that in fact, your soulmate was sitting right in front of you. This was it.

As your mind processed your feelings, you were reminded of last night, and how everyone at this table might know about your situation. Memories rushed through your head; the fighting, the drinking, the words, abuse, everything.

It all came back to you in a rush as panic started to seep in.

“I, u-um.” you started, trailing off, “I’ve gotta go.”

Turning quickly, you hurried out of the cafeteria, tears slipping past your eyes.

“H-hey, wait!” you heard, but it didn’t stop you. You just kept running.

Suddenly you found yourself under a water fountain, hyperventilating. 

What felt like hours later, you heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Soon enough, you were wrapped into unfamiliar, yet comforting arms.

“H-hey, hey. It’s alright. Nothing’s gonna hurt you here, ok?” you heard someone whisper into your ear.

“I’ll go grab Recovery girl.”

“Ok, I’ll go inform sensei.”

You heard other voices, but you slowly drowned them out and listened to the one who was beside you. They rubbed soft circles on your back as your breathing slowly calmed down.

“Are you alright?” They asked, and you finally opened your eyes.

It was Tamaki.

“I-I’m so sorry!” you cried, “I couldn’t stop thinking about-”

“It’s ok-” Tamaki cut in, “Y-you’ll be okay. We can sort this out.”

You let a few more tears out as your breathing slowed. You felt your eyes close as your last thought flew through your mind.

‘Maybe- this’ll be alright.’

Bonus:

“I hereby give full custody of Y/N M/N Takami to Takami Keigo.”

A loud slam was heard before you broke out into tears, hugging your soulmate and your father close, one of which was being very stiff and awkward at the sudden contact.

‘Yeah, this’ll definitely be alright.’

Hope you enjoyed!

-alice <3

5.12.20

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 2: Let the Good Times Roll.

When I woke up the next morning, my eyes were achy and itchy. Falling asleep after spending most of the evening crying might have had something to do with that. I groaned as I reached for my glasses, deciding that I definitely needed a shower. I grabbed my soaps, shampoo and conditioner, flip flops, towels, and headed towards the communal shower area.

Luckily for me, there was no one here when I got there. I turned on the water, letting it heat up as I set up my things. I pulled the curtain across and got to washing all the eye boogies off my face. The warmth of the shower was very much needed as it ran down my body. I started feeling more like myself again as I scrubbed all the night grime off. I spent a few extra minutes, just enjoying the feeling of the warm water against my skin. If I closed my eyes, I could convince my mind that I felt great about this whole thing.

Then my stomach rumbled. I realized that I really didn’t have much of an appetite after my chat with dad and emotional break down with mom. I hadn’t eaten much of anything since lunchtime yesterday. The allure of food was more than enough to convince me to leave the comfort of the shower. I quickly wrapped a towel around both my body and hair. I gathered everything up and shuffled out of there. I peeked my head around the corner, feeling self-conscious of the fact that I had to go back to my room practically naked. I dashed back to my room and closed the door as quickly and quietly as possible. Sarah was still sleeping, thank God.

I got dressed and towel dried my hair the best I could. I didn’t bother with anything fancy today, since I was going to be spending most of my day standing in line to get my textbooks. I wasn’t going to wait around and end up spending hours of my school time there, so I planned to do it today.

I checked myself in the mirror before leaving. Just plain black leggings and a over large t-shirt that read ‘how-to pick-up chicks’ with a picture of a stick figure picking up a baby chicken. I adjusted my glasses to make sure they were straight, and I tossed my hair over to one side, trying to give it some style. I said I wasn’t going to be fancy, but I’m also not going to go out looking like I woke up from a rager.

I grabbed my purse, student card and my phone, and left the room. The sun was shining brightly overhead once I got outside, trying to squeeze out those last few days of summer. It felt good on my skin, and I thought about maybe eating outside. That would be nice.

Yawning as I made my way to the meal hall, my thoughts of my new classes and the new people I would meet wormed its way into my head. I knew I would do well in most of my classes, except for maybe some of the science ones. The issue was making friends. It’s not like I had hard a terrible time making them or anything, but my disposition ended up pushing away a lot of people. Then of course, the conversation I had with my dad popped up like an unwanted house guest. Dammit, he really knew how to get in my head.

I was practically storming as I walked into the meal hall. It was actually nicer than I thought it would be. There was quite bit of space, with nice large tables. It was also clean, which was a huge plus. Of course, move in day was literally yesterday. Maybe give it a week or so, and it would change. I walked down the stairs, letting the smell of food knock me out of my foul mood.

I loaded my plate up with hash browns, two fried eggs, bacon, and toast. I was starving and couldn’t wait to eat. I was about to head outside when I saw familiar strawberry blonde hair and I found myself walking towards it.

Shyly I approached the table where Lyn sat by herself. She was nearly dozing off in her seat, her plate empty in front of her. I tapped her shoulder, causing her to jolt awake.

“Wha’?” she blinked a few times and looked over her shoulder, smiling when she saw me. “Oh, hey Ally, wassup?”

“I was hoping I could sit with you?”

“Be my guest,” she said with a yawn. Her hair was tied up in a loose bun today, instead of that tight ponytail she had yesterday, and she wasn’t wearing the paint either, revealing all her freckles that were splashed across her nose and cheeks, like I suspected.

“How’d you sleep on your first night? Any crazy parties for you, or was the noise enough?”

I shook my head. “I’m not really a party girl, honestly. And I mean, the noise was definitely something I need to get used to. But my roommate seems really cool and at least that’s something. I was worried I was going to have a horrible roommate, like some of the horror stories I read about.”

Lyn cupped her chin and was leaning against the table as she listened to me. I wonder if anyone ever told her she had an intense stare. Even in her sleepy state, I know her focus was entirely on me as I spoke. It wasn’t uncomfortable or anything like that, more like an observation. She smirked into her hand and said, “I had one of those in first year.”

“What? Really?”

She nodded, still not taking her eyes off me. “Oh, hell yeah. She was so strange. She ironed all her shit in the room, told me I wasn’t allowed to cross the line she taped to the floor unless it was a necessity, and legit told me that I couldn’t listen to my music too loudly with my headphones in. Like, this girl was on something, I swear. Eventually, I broke down and requested to be switched out. Thank God, they moved her into a single dorm, and I got to stay. That’s when Nura moved in, and she’s awesome. We get along like PB and J, you know? I’m rarely in there anyhow, with practice and work, but still. Gotta feel welcome in your own home, you know?”

She ends with that a lot, I noted. It was endearing. I nodded in agreement. “I get that. Sometimes it was hard to um…go home after school. I don’t always get along with my dad, so it was awkward to go home.”

Lyn winced. “Shit, sorry. That’s crappy, not feeling like home is a safe place.” She sat up and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “Dammit, Hart, you ruined the mood.”

“No, no! You didn’t do that at all,” I said quickly. “I was the one who brought it up in the first place!”

“I was the one who was all like ‘feel welcome in your home’,” she groaned. “Listen, I’ll make it up to you, yeah? You can ask me one thing, anything you want.”

“That seems really extreme…”

She shrugged. “I’m pretty much an open book.”

I bit my lip in thought, not really sure what to ask her. I didn’t know her all that well, but the offer to get to know her better was intriguing. Still, nothing really came to mind, and I ended up shaking my head. “Can I cash it in later?”

Lyn laughed, “Sure thing, Ally.”

We ended up talking for awhile longer about general things, like what majors we were taking and our favourite bands. Just simple stuff. Talking to Lyn was really easy. She laughed for no reason and had an infectious smile. When she was excited about something, she ended up bouncing her leg under the table. I’m not sure what it was about her that calmed me down, honestly. But she did. Maybe it truly was just her easy-going nature, but she seemed like a genuine person. Eventually, I had to get going to grab my books, much to my disappointment. I knew that once school started for real, I wasn’t going to be able to hang around her as much. It sounded like she had a lot more on her plate than I did.

As we both stood, I worked up the courage to ask for her number. That way, I could at least keep in touch with her by text. When I did, her eyes narrowed as a smirk appeared on her face.

“Sure, totally, Ally,” she took my phone from me, her fingers brushing against my hand as she did. “I don’t usually give my number out to anyone, but I will for you, since you’re cute and all,” she handed my phone back with her smirk still firmly in place.

Damn, that something I wasn’t expecting. I know I was blushing, but I tried to play it cool. I got the feeling yesterday that Lyn was a flirty kind of person, but I’m not entirely sure what her whole situation is.

“Thanks. I just know once school starts, we’ll both be pretty busy,” I said, looking away. Yeah, play it cool.

“Totally, just playing, you know?”

“Ha, totally.”

She pulled out her own phone and checked the time. “Yikes, gotta head out for real, though. Let’s try and hang before classes start, yeah? I’ll see you around, Ally!” With that, she left. But not before giving me her signature wink on the way out.

I tried to stop myself from smiling, but it was so hard. She really did have an infectious nature to her.

XXX

As I had hoped, there weren’t that many people at the bookstore. The line was a little long, but not so crazy that I would regret my choice in footwear. The bookstore itself was small, with not a lot of room to navigate. The lady behind the counter seemingly was 100 years old and was certainly moving like one. The only reason why this was taking a long time was literally because of her.

I tapped my foot along to the song I was listening to. I have to say, while I don’t love the lyrics, drivers license was a pretty catchy song. I missed the days of women writing songs telling men who did wrong by them to eff off. There was something cathartic about it all. Still, can’t deny a good song when I heard it. I was pretty content to stand there idly until someone tapped my shoulder.

I looked over, but there was no one there. Maybe the guy behind just hit me by accident? Shaking my head, I went back listening to the music when I felt the tap again. Again, there was no one there. Slowly, I take one earphone out and can hear the sounds of someone whispering around me. My eyes widened in understanding horror of what was happening.

There’s a freaking ghost trying to get my attention.

Inwardly I groaned, but I kept a neutral face on the outside. Well, except for the frantic look around I did with my eyes. There, in the corner. I turned slowly, trying not to draw too much attention to me as I did.

There is a ghost, looking no older than me, with some fancy hair cut and a nice suit on. He’s got a wicked grin on his face as we made eye contact. He floated over to stand directly in front of me.

“So, you can see me after all,” he said. All ghosts have this tinny tone to their voice, as if they’re talking through a bad phone call or something.

I nodded slowly but don’t dare say a word. There are way too many people around right now.

He tilted his head in a mostly human way, until it creeps a little bit past his shoulder, like his neck was broken. “Can’t you speak? You’re not one of those mutes, are you? Not that that’s an issue, but I was hoping to get someone who could share my story.”

Sighing through my nose, I pulled out my phone and typed out a message. I can talk, just not here. Too many people. Can it wait?

The ghost squinted at the screen, clearly able to read what I wrote. He frowned as we make eye contact again.

Oh Christ. I didn’t like the look in his eyes. He looked like he didn’t agree with me one bit. Some ghosts understood that most people can’t see them and that it makes a person look insane if they just start talking to thin air, while others just didn’t care. I had a bad feeling that this one fell in the second category.

He reached over, his hand going through my face. I felt the cold sliminess as he pulled his hand back through, and it takes my entire will power to not shudder or vomit on the spot. I really hated when they did that.

I wasn’t sure if it was normal for them to be able to touch people. I honestly never looked into too deeply, as it was best to avoid talking about it at all. But not for the first time do I regret that decision from 14-year-old me. I should have just used public library sources and at least had a better understanding of these things. But nope, I didn’t want to do anything out of the ordinary. Stupid.

“Human, all I want is for someone to listen to me and tell them what happened,” he said snootily. He reminded me of some popular guy who was used to people doing what he wanted on the drop of a hat.

I shuffled forward in the line a little. There were only three people ahead of me. I turned my head slightly, pulling my earphones up, hoping to God it looked like I was talking into the mic. “Listen, buddy. I am very happy to listen to you, but after I get out of here!” I hissed as quietly as possible.

Now he looked pissed off. Once again, he reached for me, as if that would make a difference. Except this time, it does. I can’t help but violently shudder as I stumbled back, reeling from the sudden shock of falling to my death. I don’t know if it was murder or suicide, but regardless, I feel the impact as my body hits the ground. My books tumbled out of my arms as I began to hyperventilate.

Oh my God, breathe Ally, BREATHE!

How could I breathe when I feel my neck snapping, but I don’t die right away? How can I breathe when I feel my skull leaking my brains all over the pavement? My vision is getting narrow as I trembled on the floor.

Okayyoujustneedtotakeadeepbreathlikemomtaughtyouinandoutinandoutcountto7holdfor7right?

My thoughts were racing and jumbled, my breathing definitely not slowing down in the slightest. We make eye contact one last time, me and the stupid selfish ghost. He was looking down at me with absolutely no pity or guilt at all. The look he was giving me suggested that if I had just done what he wanted, everything would have been fine.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath, but it didn’t work. I was still hyperventilating, my vision getting spotty. There is someone next to me, maybe another student. Quite frankly, I don’t really know much at this point. I felt someone, someone alive that is, take my hand and help me towards the door.

Yup, this is exactly how I expected my trip to the bookstore to be.

XXX

I woke up in my own bed, my mouth dry. I remember going outside and telling them to give me my purse. I took my Ativan and got back to my residence with the help of someone. I seriously can’t tell you who. Judging from how dark it was, it must be nighttime. Groggily, I sat up and reached for my glass of water instinctively. Except, it’s not there. Because I’m in a dorm, not my house. So, there is no night table with my water. I forced myself to get up and head towards the bathroom.

I washed my face and mouth, taking sips of water as I do. When I looked into the mirror, all I saw was my own pathetically pale face staring back at me. Day 2 and already I failed dad. Goddammit, the school might call my parents to tell them I had a panic attack at the bookstore. How humiliating. Not even a day away from home and I fall apart.

I can’t stop the tears as they fall down my face. I feel like garbage and I know I look like it too. I break down, using the sink as support. I feel like such an idiot. My mom wanted me to take a year off, maybe do some traveling. She probably knew that the stress of being away from home wasn’t going to be great for my stupid anxiety. As the sobs rack my body, someone’s timid knock draws my attention.

Sarah pokes her head into the bathroom, a look of worry on her face. She walked right in and pulled me away from the sink, embracing me.

“I’m here for you, Ally.” That’s all she said, but it strikes me deeply. This girl barely knows me but is here in this stupid bathroom, holding me tightly. Goddamn, how were some people just that good?

So there we stood, in the bathroom. She just held on to me, whispering into my ear and rubbing my back. I couldn’t say or do anything, so I just rested my head on her shoulder until I finally felt okay enough to head back to our room together.

XXX

As expected, I had a voicemail from mom when I bothered to check my phone in the morning. Well, more like afternoon. I stayed in bed all day, wearing my sloth covered PJ bottoms and my favourite hoodie. I basically watched one movie after another, just to keep my mind off things. Sometimes you really needed to take a ‘me day’.

Sarah left after checking to make sure I was feeling better. She said something about getting some good food and better desserts to cheer me up. I gotta do something nice for her after I was feeling better.

I stared at the screen, wondering if I should listen to the voicemail when a text appeared there. I was confused for a minute until I saw it was from Lyn. Then shame filled me, stopping me from opening it. She probably thought it was so lame that I had a panic attack in the stupid bookstore.

So, I ignored it. I didn’t want the only other person on this campus who I knew to think I was some pathetic loser.

Well, that only worked until my phone lit up again, this time with a phone call. I really didn’t want to answer it, so I declined the call.

Sarah walked into the room, holding two huge bags. “Okay, so like, I got some super yum food to help you feel better.”

“You really didn’t have to do that,” I mumbled into my hoodie.

“Sorry? Can’t hear you when mumble like that,” said Sarah. She plopped down on the bed and opened the first bag, pulling out a bunch of Taco Bell. The second bag had cupcakes and mini cheesecakes in it. I couldn’t believe that she did all this just for me.

She handed me a handful of Taco Bell things. I wasn’t even sure what most of it was, since my parents and I rarely ate fast food like this. But my God, it smelled amazing. I opened one up and took a tentative bite. It was so good right now. It was like Sarah knew I just needed some junk, just salty goodness.

“Yas! I like, was hoping that would work,” she said triumphantly. She noticed my phone was vibrating and picked it up, staring curiously at the screen. “Who’s Lyn? She’s called you like, 3 times. Is she your sister?”

I shook my head, stuffing more in my face. With some difficulty, I swallowed and took my phone back from her. “I just met her the other day. I guess she heard about the whole bookstore incident and wanted to check in…”

“But?”

“But I don’t want her to think less of me…”

Sarah made a disgusted face. “Ally, if someone thinks less of someone because they have anxiety, then they need to like, check themselves. So many people have mental health stuff going on. Like, seriously girl. I think she honestly just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

I stared at my phone, knowing that Sarah was probably right. Still, I wasn’t sure I was ready for that conversation. What was I going to say anyway? Hey, everything is totes fine now. Just had a panic attack because some jerkass ghost demanded I see how he gruesomely died, except didn’t bother to tell me who I was supposed to tell. So yeah, basically went through something extremely traumatic for absolutely no reason at this time. How was your day?

Yeah, that wasn’t going to fly. Instead, I fired off a text that just said, I’m doing okay now. Thanks for checking in. I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.

There. Straightforward and easy. When I got a message from Lyn, this time I opened it. Ok, let me know if u do wanna talk. I’ll be here.

“I guess I should call my mom, huh?” I said, looking over at Sarah, who was attempting to stick a whole mini cheesecake in her mouth.

She smiled unabashedly at me and swallowed. “Oh, I think you like, should, but no pressure. If you need to take time, then like, take your time.”

I gave a little laugh as I handed her a napkin for her face. It felt good to laugh. Sarah laughed too, as she wiped whipped cream off her lips. She handed me a mini cheesecake and we both attempted to shove the whole thing in without making a mess of ourselves. I giggled as I tried very hard not to make a mess, only to end up smearing a whole streak of chocolate sauce on my face somehow.

Sarah wasn’t much better off, with whipped cream on her nose this time. We ended up taking silly photos of each other and drank a ton of the pop she brought from Taco Bell. We ate and joked around for the next little while, until I finally worked up enough courage to listen to my mom’s voicemail. I excused myself and told her I was going to make the call.

I sat outside, the afternoon sun warm on my face. I don’t love the idea of making this call out in the open, but I didn’t want to kick Sarah out of her room either. It is what it is, I guess. I opened up my voicemail and listened to mom’s message.

“Hey, baby. How are you doing? Dad and I got the call and I just wanted to make sure that you’re doing better? Was there something that triggered it? Or did it just happen out of the blue? Either way, just call me back so I know you’re doing better now. Love you, Alexandra. Bye-bye.”

I scrolled to my mom’s name on the call list and hit call, listening to my phone ring in my ear. She picked up after the third ring. “Hello? Alexandra, is that you, baby?”

“It’s me, mom.”

“Thank goodness! Are you okay?” I could hear the concern dripping from her tone.

“I’m doing fine, yeah.”

“Okay, I’m glad to hear it. Can you tell me what happened?”

This was the part I wanted to avoid but knew I couldn’t. I shifted to get more comfortable and told my mom everything that happened. I wanted her to understand that everything about the whole situation was basically non-consensual. If I had the choice, I never would have spoken to that stupid preppy ghost in the first place. I wondered if my dad was listening in as I explained it all. I honestly hoped he wasn’t.

There was silence at the other end while I waited for mom to take it all in. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until mom said, “Okay.”

I sighed in relief.

“It sounds like that was…different? They’ve never done that to you before, right?”

Kind of think of it, no. That was different. Of course, when I was younger, I would just speak to them normally anyway. But that? I’ve never had a ghost do that to me, ever. I’ve never felt so violated before. It was strange…

After talking to mom a bit longer, I finally hung up and laid in the grass, looking up at the clouds. Was there something about this area that made them stronger, maybe? I really shouldn’t be thinking too much about it, but I also didn’t want that to happen again. Maybe I could walk down to the store tomorrow and see if they had anything that warded off spirits. I might also do some research, just to make sure.

So much for being ‘ordinary’, huh?

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[katsukikitten]

Irritated

"WHAT?!" Both of you yell in unison as your chairs topple over. The sound of the crashing metal against lightly carpeted floors has you glaring straight back at a pair of ember hot eyes.

You both narrow them at the same time before the third, more sheepish party in the room speaks up.

"G..guys Calm down okay?" Izuku tries his best to come off soothing but instead he heightens the situation.

"CALM DOWN?!" The hot head across from you explodes further as the director sighs deeply, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU CALM DEKU!"

"Stop coming at Izuku-kun like that. What has he ever done to you?!" You bark.

"He was born with such a stupid look on his face that's what!"

"Oh just like you were born with a stick up your ass huh Bakugou?" His eyes narrow to slits, he's about to make his normal suggestion of let's take this outside but the director cuts him off before either of you can whoop the others ass.

"Are we not adults here?!" The director smooths back his hair before staring into his empty coffee cup, "You know I was really excited when my father told me I would be the head over the top female hero and the two tied number one males but now I'm seeing why he retired early! You two even fight over Twitter!!"

"You're both a PR nightmare!" He gives you and Bakugou a sharp look, "You cannot just tell the paparazzi to fuck off cause you're not in the mood."

"But my fans like my honesty." You try to defend and Bakugou laughs almost cruelly.

"No, what they like are your fat tits. They can't make it past that to hear your foul mouth."

You bare your teeth snarling to retort but again the director cuts in.

"Enough." He glares at you and then Bakugou, "Both of you. You'll give me a heart attack before this is all over. I'm going to have to let you three go if this convention does not work out. The agency cannot handle this stress no matter how could you three are. Nezuko more coffee please love."

His assistant makes quick work of filing out of the room, anything to get away from the chaos. Director Yami pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You cannot be fucking serious?"

"Wha..Director Yami I'm sorry if I ever upset you that was not my intention but let go?"

"What bullshit is this we are the top three fucking heros?! Too much stress?!?!"

"YES!" Yami slams his fist onto the tables shocking the three of you in silence. Sure Director cusses often, snaps a few times but he never, ever raises his voice. He breathes out slowly to collect himself, straightening his tie as he does, "The company cannot get any new potential. All of the upcoming heros are worried they will be placed on important missions at the same time the three of you are on it."

"But we've worked successfully together before." You interject causing Yami's eyes to train in on you.

"Successfully sure but not well together. Izuku struggles which side to take when you or Katsuki try to lead. You both argue the entire mission and nether of you guide the apprentice or new hero."

"Not our job they should pay attention." Bakugou rolls his eyes, "It would be helpful if she just listened."

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black."

"Please!" Yami yells again, "Both of you need to listen. I'm not kidding I'll have to let you three go to different agencies. Yes you're the top heroes but you cannot live forever. The company will need to find replacements for you at some point but that cannot be done if you're always scaring them off!"

Silence falls over the room, agitation washes over your face along with Katuski's as sadness washes over Izuku's.

"Deku, Ground Zero, and Tejina will be at this comic con. Izuku to learn to have a spine when it comes to reigning you two in, to help you two get along." Director's brown eyes cut to you and Bakugou with new found harshness, "Katsuki to keep his fans interested and Y/N so you can actually meet your fans. Since for whatever reason father let you have your way on that. Not to mention 97% of this regions merchandise has one of your three faces on it and about 90% of the nation's merchandise is you three. This is a national convention."

"I just think it's a bad idea." You bite your lip and your phone weighs heavy in the pocket of your jeans. The three of you called in on your off days and for what? To be threatened to be fired over a stupid fan con. You let your eyes do a once over of that vile pig Katsuki who's toned arms are exposed for the summer sun although he wears a black tank top and black shorts. Scarlet eyes notice you looking and when you meet them it earns you a snarl before a suck of his teeth.

You roll your own as the Director breaks some of the palpable tension in the air.

"You're doing this for your fans. Do you not like your fans?" He is tight lipped as he speaks, leaning back in his chair as his eyes bore further into you.

"I love my female fans." You cross your arms. You don't realize the effect of your action, your breasts resting over your toned arms, causing them to spill over your black tank top. Izuku notices with a blush before looking away while the ash blonde stares for a moment before rolling his eyes.

"And your male fans?" Director Yami asks.

"Well let's look at the statistics of the general make up of my fans." You pull out your phone, it feels heavy as a brick in your hands as you log in, "Since you refused to do the demographic the first time we spoke of this convention I'm using my Instagram as a basis."

"It can't be that bad." Katsuki rolls his eyes as he leans back in his chair. Anger quickly melting to boredom.

"I hope you get stalked while we are there." You grumble as you find your favorite and most innocent picture.

"Wait which one? Your offical hero insta or your personal one where you're half dressed?" Yami asks in an even tone to which you still reacte violently. Like pure sodium in water.

"And what of Bakabaku and your angel child Deku?! On their own OFFICAL pages they are half naked in 75% of their pictures. Posing shirtless and in bathing suits. My posting of bathing suits and an occasional basic ass looking out at the view on my balcony in underwear and a large shirt is half dressed? BUT BLATANT MALE NIPPLE ISN'T?"

You flash your phone in his face with a picture of Katsuki at a photoshoot for a hero magazine. He looks cocky as hell with his head slightly titled, looking down at the camera with a crooked smirk, pushing his hair back with one hand, as fresh water droplets fall from ashen tips and glowing skin. The director blinks furiously at the image as you pull back your phone to look up your own page once more for comments and people's profiles.

"I'll start by reading some comments from my 'fans' aloud," You clear your throat as you start, "'Damn sugar tits why is your ass so phat.' 'Bb you is thiccccccccc' 'Bitch you finna take this cock?'"

Katsuki grinds his teeth as you read, each comment pushing him to further agitation.

"Now ask me what the picture is of."

"Gotta be you in your hero suit at the very least." Bakugou hisses as he looks away disinterested.

"No. It's a fucking selfie with a fan and our peace signs." You show him the phone and his scarlet eyes dance over the image. A rare and true smile caught on plump lips with two slender fingers brought beneath your eye, "This is the dude who commented the last one!"

The director, Izuku and Katsuki all cringe away from the glass. Izuku even seemingly uncomfortable after looking at the profile.

"They are all basement dwellers that live with their momma. I mean look at this dude. His profile picture is an anime bitch and his only photo of him self is a selfie WHERE THE LIGHT FROM HIS SIX MONITORS IS ILLUMINATING HIS FACE!!" You become heated at the end, angry that you have to scroll through these comments on the daily and block literally thousands of users that just make new accounts to harass you with. Heated enough that you lose the reigns on your quirk and everything not anchored down in the room begins to float as your eyes bore into the screen.

The glass splits from the weight of your gaze before shattering to nothing but shards and interworkings leaving you huffing. The table and unoccupied chairs slam back to the floor. Forcing you into an unpleasant reality where three sets of eyes gaze upon you.

Watching

Waiting

*Judging*

Once you realize you've lost control you blush furiously, hands flying to your lap to play with some frayed black denim on your shorts. Anything to keep your eyes averted.

Katsuki clears his throat and the Director is pulled from whatever spooked trance he was in.

"Izuku and Katsuki will be there to ensure there are no wandering hands. Right boys?"

"Who the fuck you calling boy you're like what 28? A couple years older than us and suddenly we're boys?" Katsuki spits, eyes instinctively finding you.

His stomach clenches when he sees the look on your face and he grinds his teeth, agitated all over again. Why the fuck are you making that face over some shit betas? You could kick their ass any day so why do you look so....

Afraid?

Before he can answer the dumbass question that damn Deku steals the words right out of his mouth.

"Of course we will protect Y/N." Deku sounds confident and full on in hero mode as if he were saving a damsel like he did everyday.

Unkownlingly making you feel worse. Furious and frustrated tears at your own helplessness prick your eyes. No one notices.

No one but a crimsom set of eyes, who speaks with out thinking.

"She won't need our protecting but I guess yea we can be there." His voice is so gruff when he speaks and yet his words bring you, oddly enough, some comfort. When normally even just the sound of him sucking his teeth has your skin crawling.

"Tejina we'll get you a new phone. Ground Zero, Deku you are dismissed. Plane leaves at 0800 hours tomorrow so please be packed and suited. The first day you'll be free to walk around and enjoy the con for a few hours before interviews take place. The second day will be packed as well with interviews and meet and greets."

The three of you fight some sort of emotion as he speaks. Izuku worry of letting his fans down, Katsuki agitation of the KYAAAAs he's bound to hear while you feel an emotion you are quick to overcome but for whatever reason cannot in this case, fear.

Bone grinding fear of a repeat.

The director's voice is drowned out as old, much too familar sounds, echo in your head. Foot steps that are much too sloppy and close. Glass shattering in dead silence pulling you from a deep sleep and screaming.

Lots of screaming.

××××××××××××××

Sleeping did not come easy for you that night further encouraging your intense irritation. You are the first to arrive on the still heated tarmac from yesterday's sun. Hinting about how miserable today was going to be. You took in a deep breath to soothe yourself before getting onto the private jet, just as the calming effect was setting in nails on a chalk board seemed to personify behind you.

"Oi. Did you forget how to use steps or are you gonna walk there?" You did not need to turn around to know who it was. You take an extra moment with your held breath, trying so so so hard to bite your tongue.

But like all things when it came to your temper towards him you could not.

"Walking thousands of miles would be preferable than to be sharing any sort of confined space with you." You snap stepping up two of the three steps before stopping, "In fact I would much rather this plane crash than share it with you."

Katsuki stares up at you with narrowed eyes before giving the small of your back a light push.

"Fucking same but sadly our careers are on the line if we dont make it to this convention in one piece." He bites out, urging you onto the plane as one would attempt to guide a cat. A unspoken standstill begins to unfold until the glaring match is cut short by someone clearing their throat.

"P..please glare at one another on the plane. Please." He says the magic word twice. Hoping it will have double the effect of you two being civil. Your eyes cut to shining emeralds and all you can think of is Director Yami punishing the three of you. When really it should only be the two active parties in this weird hate fueled relationship. Guilt causes you to forfeit and swallow your pride for just this weekend as you trudge up the last stepz claiming a seat by the window. Katuski opens the overhead and shoves his one and only black duffle bag into the vast amount of space before he begins sliding off his obnoxious grenade gauntlets. Placing those much more gently into the overhead.

Having you wonder with half curiosity if they are already filled with his fuel and if they are how much of a push would you need to apply in order for one to erupt. Izuku sitting across from you pulls your mind from that petty and dark place as he offers you a soft smile.

"I'm excited to see my friends from 1A." He beams to you and you smile knowingly. He must have forgotten his drunken night out with you. He told you all about class 1A. About him and Katsuki fighting, of all the fun they had. He even asked for you help so he could talk to a special girl from his class.

"Excited to see your friends or excited to see a certain *one* of your friends?" You tease, relishing over his quickly heating face as he must be relieving the night. Your question earns an almost approving snort from Bakugou as he finally takes his seat in the opposite of the aisle window seat. He digs into his pocket for his phone as he begins to sync the black over the ear head phones that rest on his neck.

"Ah..that's not it.." He tried to force a laugh and it comes out obviously fake, he attempts to divert the conversation from himself, "You haven't seen Kirishima in while right Kaachan?"

Izuku's face somehow deepens in hue as he slams his hands over his mouth having not slipped up like that in quite some time. All the while the air in the cabin seems to become charged from his mistake. You either do not notice or do not care.

"Kaachan?" You look to Midoriya and then Bakugou before slowly piecing it together, "Oh that's right you two grew up together. Man that's so fucking cute that you still call him that."

Katsuki steers his glare to you as you hold eyes with Izuku. For reasons he cannot place his rage melts to slight irritation as you finish your sentence. His ears picking up on the word cute as he watches your face form that rare true smile.

The one that makes the room seem to glow and his heart seem to race.

Race with aggravation that is but still he watches you.

"You should call him that more often. Right Kaachan?" You aim that smile at him unconsciously. He studies it for a moment before slipping his headphones up over his ears.

"Tch. Whatever." He blasts his favorite song and faces away from the two of you, not wanting either of you to see his red cheeks.

The plane ride is not as long as you now wanted it to be. You enjoyed hearing the stories from your good friend Izuku as you had not gotten the pleasure of going to UA. You had gone to a small hero academy and did not make a single friend. Too busy perfecting and controlling your quirk.

Katsuki rolls his eyes as he catches the tail end of a story, popping open the overhead to slip on his gear.

"We had so much fun. Didn't we Kaa...Katsuki?" He corrects himself last minute and your face becomes crestfallen. For some reason you liked the nickname and wanted to hear it more often. Whether it was because you knew it agitated Bakabaku with the way his broad shoulders would tense even when similar syllables left Izuku-kun's lips or maybe it was because it some how gave the hot head a very small, almost microscopic, boyish charm.

That he would have someone in his life to admire him enough to give him nice nickname. You sigh pulling at the straps of your bookbag as you three make your way across the tarmac. More than ready to get these three days of hell behind you.

A/N lol why yes this is a fourth series I've started. Why no, others are not completed yet. Why do you ask? Because I hate trying to end things with out it feeling rushed.

[tropicalfreckles]

Friends Again CH 5

MASTER LIST found here

SUMMARY: A new dilemma has risen in Lydia that she takes to the only one she can talk to about it.

SOLIDARITY

B**TLEB*BES DNI

(TW mentions of J*no, mentions of murder(no murder tho), mentions of bullying, mentions of the wedding death scene)))

Another day of school, another day of Lydia having complex feelings bubble up in her stomach. This was getting borderline exhausting with all the thoughts she kept bottled up inside. Even though she had become more comfortable with her therapist, she still wasn't sure if she wanted to just spill her guts out about these thoughts. Closing the front door behind her, she swung her backpack off while exhaling a long groan. No one was home yet except for the Maitlands, of course. They were probably upstairs since she didn't see them after scanning the living room. Rummaging through her backpack on the table she pulled out things she needed for homework then sluggishly retreated upstairs. School wasn't engaging and often times left her yearning for more. The Maitlands had recently found a way to help make her learning more simulating through their ghostly powers. They were still learning themselves. They tried learning more from the Handbook for the Recently Deceased. However, as Adam put it, it 'read like radio instructions'. Lydia didn't have too much of a hard time understanding it personally. Though that probably was because she loved deciphering the nonsensical text.

Should she let the Maitlands know she's home?

She usually would announce herself. Yet, that feeling wasn't leaving her stomach. It dampening her mood. Lydia didn't want to bother the ghostly couple with her problem. Since she still didn't understand it entirely herself. It was days like these she wished her mom was still alive. Regret wove itself in her every once in a while for leaving the Netherworld. Missing her chance to reconnect with her mother again. She knew deep down it was for the best. She would've also liked it if Delia and her dad had waited for a while before getting wed. She understood though they felt the fleetingness of life and wanted to make the best of it as long as they both were breathing. That would be another can of worms for Lydia to tackle another day. Lydia tossed her things on her bed when she entered her room. Closing the door behind her then took off her shoes. Her nerves were starting to get the best of her when she walked over to her mirror and gazed at herself.

"Why are feelings stupid..." She muttered. Grabbing a hair tie off of her stand, she ran her fingers through the raven locks tying it up.

"That's because you breathers have too many feelings; It makes shit complicated." A gravely voice chimed in. Lydia flinched for a moment then turned to scowl at the older man.

"I told you that you couldn't come into the house yet!" She snarled at him. Lydia began rubbing the pads of her forefinger and middle in circles against the temple of her head. Beetlejuice snorted then crossed his arms.

"You ain't exactly the boss of me kid. I do what I want. Within reason of your dumb rules. Besides, I was bored waiting in the stupid cemetery. There weren't any breathers to mess with today so I couldn't get anyone else to say my name." Beetlejuice rambled on, giving Lydia a shrug. The young teen threw herself face first on her bed. She thought over for a moment how risky this was.

"You didn't let Barabara and Adam see you, right?" Lydia questioned, sitting up a little on her elbows. Beetlejuice hummed while pulling his eyes out from their sockets.

"Nope, not a peep!" He snickered while tossing them in the air like a pair of die. Lydia looked on unamused before rolling on her back to stare up at the ceiling. The demon popped his eyes back in.

"Oh boy, are you having one of those angsty teen moments again? Am I gonna have to leave while you recite goth poetry or some shit?" He floated up from the ground then whipped over to her. Lydia inhaled deeply before giving a loud groan.

"Go away if you're gonna be an ass." Lydia reached out for a pillow to grab. Beetlejuice tensed up as he knew it was meant for his face. He deflated a little when he saw her hug then bury herself against it. Just as the teen hated when he would get moody, he felt the same about her. Though it was strange, the past three months now that they've been hanging out he has started to feel something he never had before. Was it that gross thing called empathy? He sighed deeply while busying himself with picking at his nails. This was going to require some finesse.

"Alright, you twisted my arm Lyds. What's bugging ya? What can your ol' pal Mr. Betelboose do to, ugh, 'help'?" He peered from the corner of his eye to see if she'd budge. She did not. He did get a grunt in response. Some progress was a win for him. Lydia flailed her legs a little as a muffled groan rose from her. The demon patiently waited for her to speak.

"As bizarre as it is to say.." Lydia dug her fingernails into her pillow as she pulled it away from her face finally. Her features scrunched up, her lips pursed. Relaxing after a moment of what looked like deep contemplation from Beetlejuice's perspective she finally spoke. "I think you might be the only person I can talk to about this." Lydia softly spoke.

Now, this was interesting.

She was actually being vulnerable to him. He only saw her do that once and that was when she summoned him back from the Netherworld. That was because of everything that built up from before. This seemed to be a new dilemma on the young girl's mind. He waved his hand to let her know she could continue.

"Beej. When did you discover that you had feelings for guys, too?" Lydia drawled out while shiftily gazing around the room. Anywhere other than making eye contact. Beetlejuice stroked his scruffy chin while trying to figure out what she meant by that. Was there a boy she liked? Did his stoic bratty friend actually have sappy feelings as well?

Wait.

"You're asking how I knew I was into more than just women? Well, first off, there is one thing ya gotta know about the Netherworld. Most folks swing both if not all ways." Beetlejuice jokingly conjured up a baseball bat and took multiple swings in different directions with it. It earned him a snort which he grinned at before continuing.

"It kind of came as an easy realization for me. I know that the stupid shit you breathers go about here on the mortal plane carries off into the Netherworld sometimes. It doesn't stick for long cause who the hell are you gonna complain to? No one." He rolled his eyes remembering all of the bigoted folks that would come through and get their panties in a twist at how the rest of the Netherworld was. While he wasn't the biggest fan of staying there all the time it wasn't always horrible there. The world of the living was more of a party for him.

"How did you really know, though?" Lydia hugged the pillow closer to her while sitting up. Beetlejuice plopped himself onto the bed next to her. Lydia had a surprisingly smart melon in that goth head of hers. He was curious why she was doubting herself so much.

"Probably when I made out with that one famous painter." He picked at his teeth. Lydia arched a brow.

"Which one?"

"You know me, scarecrow, don't kiss and tell." He grinned at her. Lydia gently smacked his knee.

"Oh BS, you always name drop famous people." She snorted. Beetlejuice snickered, moving his hands behind him then slid back more on the bed.

"You're right, I just don't remember the guy's name right now. Listen. I guess I get it. I've been observing you breathers for almost a millennia. Feelings are gross. But I know when it comes to this stuff it can be hard. Especially for kids. If there's something ya gotta blab to me about." He tilted his head in her direction while making sure he had her attention. She gave a slow nod for him to continue, "Then I'm listening."

Lydia inhaled deeply. This was nerve-racking. She just didn't know how to even express herself.

"I... I might have." Lydia banged her head into the soft pillow and gave a small whine. "I might.. like a girl at school." She spoke barely above a whisper. Beetlejuice leaned over since he could barely hear her. Lydia wrinkled her nose at the smell yet allowed him to do so.

"What was that kid? Gotta speak up." He gave a coy smile. Lydia scowled at him then looked away.

"I said... That I might like a girl at school. I'm not repeating myself again." Her cheeks were heating up at how embarrassing this was. Not so much expressing her feelings. It was more talking about a damn school crush to her stupid demon friend she was starting to make amends with. She looked over to him after a moment of making sure he wasn't going to tease her then noticed him grinning wide.

"Yeah, that's what I thought you said. HA. Of course, you're into girls! Look at you, you're tiny, snarky all the time and goth." Beetlejuice yammered on as he elbowed her side.

"Ha-ha, is this amusing to you or something? I just spilled my damn guts out." Lydia frowned, her cheeks flushed. Beetlejuice shook his head.

"Eh, maybe a little, I just find it funny that widdle Lydia has a crush. Always figured you were too feral and hated people too much for that." He pinched her cheek. She was close to snapping her teeth at his fingers. She opted for batting his hand away. Lydia wiped her cheek with her sleeve. He snickered in response then rested his elbows on his knees.

"Call me 'widdle' again and I'll throw you off the roof as I did before." She stuck her tongue out at him then took note of him smirking at her. "What?"

"Nuthin'. Just weird seeing you actually act like a teenager instead of your usual dry, deadpan self." He patted her hard on the back to which she grunted at him. "Good for you! Better to be your real self than locking that shit away. Dolores and Chuck'll probably be. I don't know, what's that word you breathers use now? 'Woke'? About this. I know the Maitlands will be. Ugh, they are just soooo supportive it's disgusting." He gagged at his last sentence to which Lydia rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if I'm going to tell anyone. At least not yet." Lydia softly spoke as she played with the pillow resting in her lap. Beej quirked a brow at her then snorted. He gave a soft bap on her head with his fist.

"Listen. I don't normally give pep talks that aren't about scaring, murder or crap. I guess I can try to understand. Daphne might be too intrusive about it. Chuck might just be super awkward about it and say something embarrassing. The other nerds are definitely gonna dote on you." Beetlejuice picked at his teeth. "Eh, take your time if you wanna. Just know that the Netherworld when ya shed your meat-sack body is gonna be fine with who or what yer into. Fuck what anyone else thinks." He let out a long yawn then stretched a little. "Trying to be nice makes me wanna take a nap or doing something nasty. Or hurl. Can't decide, this is gross."

Lydia looked over the demon while taking note of his words. She snickered at him dramatically pretending to upheave then shoved him.

"Stop being gross for five minutes." Lydia snorted then sat back on her bed finally letting go of her pillow. "Honestly.. My stomach is in a knot still. Part of me kind of wants to tell her however I don't want people to.." Midway through Lydia trailed off into a soft whisper. "I just don't want more of a reason for people to target me at school. I can handle myself for the most part. Just kind of hard when they gang up on me." She tugged at the edge of her school uniform. Without skipping a beat Beetlejuice responded.

"Want me to kill 'em for ya? I mean, if they're that big of lil assholes I'd probably be doing their parents a favor." Beetlejuice grinned while taking out a knife from his sleeve. "I'll 'cut' them down to size!" He cackled while swishing the knife around. Lydia ducked down then snorted.

"No. Murder isn't the answer to everything, BJ. Those girls are jerks but they aren't the root of the problem. Kids don't naturally act like bigoted brats. It's probably coming from their parents or something, to begin with." Lydia grabbed his arm to make him stop swinging the knife. Beetlejuice clicked his tongue then thought over what she said.

"Alright. Kill the parents and the brats. Two for two-plus no sad little orphans!" Beetlejuice hovered off the bed in glee while throwing his arms up into the air. "It'll be a real scream Lyds! Just let me loose on 'em! Come on! I haven't killed anyone since Juno!" He flexed his fingers while looking to her like an overjoyed child in a candy store. Lydia raised her hand up with a shake of her head.

"Didn't I just say murder wasn't the answer to everything?" She answered dryly while quirking a brow at him.

"I don't know, you murdered me pretty fast to try and kick my ass into the Netherworld," Beetlejuice muttered. Lydia inhaled deeply through her nostrils then slapped his thigh with her pillow.

"I'm serious. No murdering people on my behalf. I appreciate the enthusiasm but I don't want the cops on me. Making people suffer is more fun anyway." Lydia dropped the pillow then stretched her legs out. Beetlejuice floated back down to the bed then gave a little pout.

"Bah. Thought you were more fun than that, kid. Though torture also sounds like a blast." He stroked his scruffy chin. The goth teen kicked her feet against the edge of the bed.

"I was thinking more about pranking." She chuckled. "You know.. I might try talking to that girl. Just not yet." Lydia lulled her head against her shoulder to peer back at the demon. "I hate to stroke that big ego of yours. I wanna tell you that I kind of appreciate you talking to me about this. It's nice to talk to someone else who is attracted to the same gender." She took out her phone then opened the browser.

"Plus I see myself as more than one gender. Though that's a topic for another time, kid." He waved his hand as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Lydia swung her head up to stare at him.

"Oh; does that mean you're genderfluid?"

"Gender what now?" Beetlejuice quizzically stared at her while scratching the top of his scalp. Lydia quickly brought something up on her phone then showed him.

"You identify as more than one gender. See?" Lydia began scrolling through a website about the LGBTQ+ community while Beetlejuice crossed his arms and tried reading over it.

"Huh. Well shit. Guess so? Then what's being attracted to more than one gender?" He quickly snatched the phone out of her hand to look over it more.

"Well, that is a broader category. You could be either Bisexual or Pansexual." She sat up on her knees as she pressed the pad of her forefinger into the screen. Slowly she scrolled back up on the browser and pointed out the two. Beetlejuice hummed then plopped the phone back into her lap.

"Learn something new every day!" Beetlejuice grinned. The two froze when they heard the familiar voice of a woman echoing through the house.

"Lydia?? Are you home? We can get started on your homework if you want!" Barbara's hand began phasing through the door. With that Beetlejuice flung himself out the window as Lydia swatted grave dirt he left behind on her bed.

"Coming Barbara!" Lydia called.

She couldn't keep hiding him forever.

[alchemicalterror]

Self-implemented Parole

[ Below is a transcript of an RP between @askanarky​ and ol’ Jonny boy, involving Anarky’s breakout and aftermath. WIth special guest @riddlesandqueries​ and @echoandquery​

Trigger warnings: Adolescent Homelessness, swearing. ]

Fuck. Shit. God dammit. Fuck, Lonnie swears to himself, couldn’t stay hidden for two days, could he?

Here he is, leaning against the wall of the dentist’s-office-turned-failed-comedy-club-turned-pirate-radio-station-slash-hideout he’d been spending the day at. Beside him’s a wooden baseball bat, blood-red paint dripping down the business end, three posters, and an overfilled olive drab backpack absolutely covered in patches and safety pins. In his hands, a box of old clothes and records.

Bitterly, Lonnie wonders how much weight he’d lost. Six and a half months was a lot longer- or maybe shorter?- than he’d fully realized.

God, why’s he even humoring the old man? Ten bucks and he could already be gone. He’d find another shitty landlord to blackmail for an equally shitty studio apartment, and life’d go on like he never left.

...But then again, that wasn’t him. And plus, he owes Jon a lot and did kinda call him ‘dad,' and plus, he couldn’t feasibly cut him out entirely unless he left Gotham for good, and why would he do that, he’s got work to continue-

”Fuck.” Lonnie mutters under his breath, shifting his weight to his other leg.

"Fuck." Jon mutters, pulling his coat in tighter. He doesn't know jack shit about hijacked radio towers, and while his car is an unremarkable, beat-up old junker that he's had for years - it runs fine, there's no noises or weird smells, but the body has seen better days - why run into a headache with traffic, gas mileage, potentially being seen at an intersection with a recently escaped convict...?

'Course, nothing could hide how tall he is. And god damn it, it's April, it's supposed to be warm....

Jonathan mutters against the cold in vague irritation, gravitating towards the next set of charity drop-off boxes in vain hopes of actually tracking down the runt. Jesus, he should've asked for directions. At least he's in good shape.

"Me an' my motherfuckin' ide--" Pause. Squint, at someone who fits the stature in a beat up black hoodie, with a box.

"....Kid?"

The good thing about oversized hoodies is that, if you’re drowning in them enough, it can almost conceal how high you jump when something calls an epithet that can apply to you. Immediately, Lonnie crouches to quickly, but gently place his box down and grab his baseball bat in his place, then raises himself up into half of a batter’s stance at the source of the-

Wait. Tall man, absolutely orange hair, in a thrift-store jacket and blue jeans. Of fucking course.

”Jesus Christ,” he half-mouths. He lets his stance relax and his arms hang limply down in an exaggerated 'I-don’t-wanna-be-here' stance. “‘Ay.” Lonnie’s stage voice is remarkable, if a bit higher than his normal growl.

Jonathan grins, a bit, despite himself. Baseball bat? Good lad.

He lifts a hand in a wave, chuckling. "Nice to see you ain't without means, boy." Jon murmurs, nodding at the weapon. "Half kickin' myself I didn't get directions when abouts I could, I been walking around back alleys all afternoon."

"Legs could use a break, and I saw a beaten-down dive up the block some, folks don't glance at your face even when you're ordering in places like that. You wanna coffee or somethin' before we ship out?"

“....” Lonnie turns away for half a second, letting a puff of air escape his clenched teeth. “Hey, you said you didn’t need them.”

Hypocritical, coming from him. He’s at least trying to be a little friendly, through the obvious voice crack and the constantly-correcting tone. “...Fine, I guess? I mean, I’ve got what...” He backs away and unzips the front pocket of the backpack on the ground. A cheap leather wallet spills out (along with six separate embroidered circle-As in various shades of crimson.) He unfolds it and squints between the pockets, “....twelve...? Dollars on me? That’s enough for, like, a sandwich.”

"Come off it kid, I got paid yesterday, you ain't gotta spend what little you got on a sandwich. Save it, s'good to have bus money." And with that Jon turns, and waves Lonnie follow him. Tall as he is, he's long ago adopted a sort of ambling gait to make it easier for other people to keep up with his long stride.

The diner is, as estimated, utterly apathetic to the arrival of both Jonathan and Lonnie, save for the motions of seating them both. No odd looks are given to Lonnie's box of things, nor -- if he brought it along -- his bat. He was half-heartedly offered the opportunity to drop it in the umbrella rack, if he wanted to.

Jon takes a booth with a high back, and turns his attention toward the menu.

Lonnie, in fact, does put his baseball bat in the umbrella rack (only in Gotham,) and swings himself up onto the booth, squishing himself into the corner and placing his box under the table. His backpack’s placed right beside him.

He’s already small- especially compared to Jonathan- but he seems determined to make himself even smaller. Lonnie hunches over the table and scrutinizes the menu with one exposed eye, rapping his free hand on the table. Jonathan receives the occasional upwards glance from him.

Coffee. And a sandwich. Jon picks both, mentally placing his order, and sets the menu down.

"...After we order, I got some things to ask, arright?" He murmurs, keeping his voice low; the staff might not care, but patrons could. Best keep mumbly.

"Dinner's on me whatever you got to say, upfront. Ain't contingent on you givin' me answers you think I'm gonna wanna hear."

(The waitress does drift by, uninterested and unimpressed, to take their orders.)

Watching the waitress approach means Lonnie didn’t have the space to answer Jon in full; Instead, he flashes a thumbs up his way.

BLT, cherry Coke. Lonnie deserved something sweet, he thought. His menu comes down after Jon’s, and he doesn’t fully turn to place his order. He does, however, have the common sense for manners; “I’d like an egg BLT and a cherry Coke, please.”

"And I'd like a tuna sub and a black coffee, please, miss. Thank you kindly."

Their orders are noted down, and she drifts on to her next engagement - and Jon leans on the table, looking Lonnie over. Where to start. "....You got a place to stay?"

“I’ll get one.” Lonnie murmurs, implying that the answer’s actually no. “Old landlord probably won’t let me back in, not like I was actually paying for my old apartment anyway...” He murmurs as he passes the saltshaker between his hands. "...Right." Jonathan says, nodding slowly. "...If you need a place to crash a li'l while while you work him over, y'know - I got a guest room. Ain't got much more than a bed and a couple boxes and a desk, but it's dry an' the door locks." "...And like, if puttin' out on your own for a place don't work, I don't mind if you stay, right?" .... Hm. The saltshaker rests in his left hand.

“...You’re serious? C’mon, your job’s probably already batter-fried as is, if anyone finds out-”

Lonnie doesn’t trail off, per se, more than he just lets his throat close a little. “...Really? You really don’t-“

He’d be an absolute idiot to decline, but there had to be some kind of catch - ? - but Jon’s not that much of a jerkass.... "Kid, much as I'm sure you could find someone whose arm you could twist for a place, it don't sit right with me to just leave you in an alley to do that. I got the room, and - well, Arkham can just deal." Jonathan’s tone is flat.

"What they don't know ain't gonna hurt my career." Lonnie puts a fist to his rapidly-splitting mouth and exhales sharply. “‘Guess that is true,” he answers, then shakes two fingers at Jon. 

“...Shit, thanks, I guess? I didn’t... really expect you to show real concern, holy shit...” "What, you think it was just for appearances?"  Jon chuckles, genial. "Naw, son, I try to actually care 'bout the folks I work with, didn't get into this business on accounta I don't care about people."

"Look, after Dinner I'll help you carry shit, since I left the car at home." “Okay.” Lonnie doesn’t particularly feel like pushing it any more, so he doesn’t. 

“...How’d I not notice this place before?” He asks, mostly to himself. Or maybe he had, and he’d forgotten about it. Was it even worth forgetting?  Ech, everything was so overwhelming. As their food and coffee comes around, Jonathan turns his attention to the rogue chat, securing something, before starting to eat. Tuna melts are truly the mac and cheese of the sandwich world, and hard to get wrong.

[ Dr_J_C ] - Hey, Eddie, you on. [ E?Nygma ] - Yes? [ Dr_J_C ]  - You got a cab company you trust to keep their yaps shut [ E?Nygma ] - My henchwomen. [ Dr_J_C ]  - ...Think they'd be willing to come pick up me and a runaway? Wound up cross town and the kid's got luggage [ E?Nygma ] - Only one way to find out, really.

[ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Ladies? ] [ DM  E&Q to E?Nygma: [Q] You need something, Ed? ] [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Yes, if you have the time tonight. Dr Crane is asking me about securing private transit that doesn't talk too much, if you catch my drift. Since you're both the pair I trust most on the matter, I thought I'd ask if you'd be willing to go fetch him and cart him wherever he needs to go. He's not in a stabbing mood, so it shouldn't be risky. ] [ DM  E&Q to E?Nygma: [Q] Not in a stabbing mood? Color me surprised.. but sure thing, Boss! [E] Dr. Crane requires transit? We aren’t busy, so we’ll be glad to pick him up, when needed. Anything that’s said will stay in the car, don’t you worry. ] [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Peachy. Make him buy you dinner, huh? I'll forward the address: you know what to do if he starts giving you trouble, and where to send the bill. Thanks so much. ]

[ E?Nygma ] - Good news, Jonny, they'll do it. Have an address? [ Dr_J_C ]  - Yeah, hangon.... Down town, Eighth and Tuppence. The shitty diner.

[ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: : Eighth and Tuppence, the "shitty diner", as he put it. ]

[ E?Nygma ] - I told them to make you buy them dinner. 

[ Dr_J_C ]  -  Yeah, sure, doesn't have to be from here. We just got our food, so - give it an hour? [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: He's asked for you to come in an hour, so you have time to get ready. ]

[ E?Nygma ] - Done and done, don't leave them waiting.

Before eating, Lonnie removes the top slice of bread from each sandwich half and salts the (perfectly over-medium) egg on top, then slides the salt to the other side of the table. He almost chokes on his first bite. God, he missed real food. "...Arkham food, huh." Jonathan chuckles, humorlessly. "Shit, every time I've gotten outta there, pizza boxes have looked appetizing."

"Eddie's henches are gonna be givin' us a ride. They ain't snitches, and I fancy our chances in one'a their cars than on foot."

“...Tall punk one n’ a short one?” Lonnie clarifies through a mouthful of BLT. Gulp. “Nice.”

“...Spent his ketchup money on Walgreens eyeliner and a burger. Should probably get online and tell ‘im once I get home, huh.” He pauses, putting down his sandwich for a second. “I told you the ketchup thing, right?”

Jonathan grins, lifting his coffee in a weird sort of salute. "Sure did. Bet you made with Eddie, right? Eyeliner and a bite's a good cause, then. He chomps down half his sandwich before turning his attention properly to coffee.

"...Good-ish news, the Asylum is pretty sure I didn't help you break out." "So they prob'ly ain't gonna assume I came got you, neither."

“Thank god,” Lonnie comments. “Like, not just ‘cuz your job’s still safe, that’s great, but god, I didn’t spend three weeks figuring out like, 80 million people’s schedules for a friend in a high place to get the stick, it’s my damn credit.” He pauses for a sip of soda. “...Is that the right metaphor? Doesn’t matter. ‘S.... nice y’aint in that deep shit.”

Another pause. “Jesus Christ, I just said ‘y’ain’t’ in complete earnest, what the fuck are you doing to me?” Lonnie laughs, leaning his head back and pulling down one eyelid. Jonathan barks a cheerful laugh, and even that is ignored by the utter apathy that is a back-street diner in Gotham. He shakes his head until it trickles down to a snicker and, grinning, drains the rest of his coffee before his attention returns to the perfectly adequate tuna melt.

"Naww, they had me doin' damage control, after talkin' to me a bit and nosing some at my notes. Shit, I didn't know a damn thing about your plans, and it showed, son, so oughta be fine."

"New's being shitty about it anyways, though, m'sorry about that." “I~’m aware,” Lonnie chimes rather sardonically, waiting to swallow this time. “Eh, GCN’s a bunch of corporatist bullcrap anyway. They don’t think I’m a real dude, I know they aren’t a real news station, cancels out.” It really doesn’t cancel out, but the shrug indicates either he’s actually fine or he doesn’t particularly want to talk about it.

Jonathan slowly nods, and makes a mental tick to get a tee-shirt made inviting people to physically fight him if they want to call Lonnie a girl. That's a dadly thing to do, right?

"...So,” Jon starts, slowly, “Y'all called me dad."

Groan. “Uh, I’m sorry?” Lonnie shrugs to accompany the nonapology— not like it was worth applogizing for. “Slip of the tongue, like callin’ a teacher ‘mom,’ y’know?”

He sucks the rest of his Coke down and sets the tall plastic glass back on the table. Jon laughs, sitting back himself and uncrossing his arms. "Dunno where all I said I was upset about it, son." His grin is lazy and easy, and he just shrugs.

"Y'all see me as a father figure?" ... Does he? ... “I mean— you’re what, two and a half times my age n I’ve seen more of you  in the, what, three-ish months since you took my case than anyone else, not to mention you’re like...” Lonnie cycles through various expressions as he speaks, apparently directing his explanation at his fingernails. (Note the lack of a solid answer.) 

He doesn’t mention what Jon’s like. Soon, he throws his forehead into one hand, rubbing his temples.

“I mean—- no, but also not no?” "...So, solid maybe." Jon suggests, wiping crumbs off his hands with a chuckle. "Right, well that ain't somethin' you gotta come up with an answer to today, son. Right now, priority's makin' sure you don't get picked up by the cops two days after a breakout."

"And,” he adds, “Not leavin' you to find a half-comfortable Alley to try an' make a sleeping spot from."

“Mmh,” Lonnie affirms through his last bite of BLT (emphasis on the L.) “In my defense, I spent like... the first third’a my sophomore year doin’ that, I’ve got practice.” He jokes, sending finger-guns Jon’s way. “But yeah, let’s leave that for later, ‘kay?”

"Sounds good." Jonathan pulls out his wallet, leafing through it and leaving the bill in cash, with a generous tip. No, the bill hasn't actually arrived yet, but he's pretty good at math. Something about being a Chemist, maybe. 

"Ed's girls oughta be here in a nother couple minutes, so - you wanna hit the washroom or anything 'fore we head outside?"