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astonmartinii · 2 days ago
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other side of the moon - chapter five | formula one imagine
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pairing: fem retired formula one driver reader x ??? fem retired formula one driver reader x platonic!kimi antonelli
one big car launch with every driver in attendance - what can go wrong?
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR | SERIES MASTERLIST
whatever bright spark decided that formula one needed one big, fancy car launch must want y/n dead. here she stood in one of the many green rooms in a black dress that’s a little too tight and an absolute pain to sit down in.
on one side of the room george sits in his dressing gown being doted on five different people while he talks down the phone in a tone too loud for the crowded room. kimi, on the other hand, sits on the couch on the other side, having waved off all of the people trying to smear yet another cream on his face.
“are you just going to be haunting me all season?” george said as he hung up the phone. glaring at y/n through the mirror.
“if i’m haunting you, does that mean you did something wrong?” y/n gasps, “am i the skeleton in your closet, georgie?”
the mercedes personnel in the green room were still, almost waiting for it to hit boiling point and all spill over. george and y/n stared each other down, waiting for someone to make the next move. george steadily looked y/n up and down, not being subtle at all. y/n raised her eyebrow at the brit.
“i could get used to you in my colours,” george said with a smirk.
“bore off russell, i don’t wear anything for you. these will be seen as kimi’s colours before you know it.”
a knock on the door signalled the start of the show. george stood up and took off his robe, revealing the new mercedes racesuit for the season. the brit made his way to the door but before he left, he turned to y/n and said, “don’t get too comfortable, i have my eye on you”
“oh georgie, you always have,” y/n flirted before schooling her face, “and how has that worked out for you?”
the brit pointed to his racesuit, “better than it has for you.”
that was a low blow, but y/n was prepared to play it that way if that was the game for the season. george looked at her again, as if to challenge her, but y/n stayed silent though her stare was unwavering. she had said a lot worse about herself to herself after the crash.
with that george turned and left, calling out to alex down the corridor.
“i really don’t understand him,” kimi said, “it was only like a week or two ago he was cussing you out in monaco, then today he checks you out but then threatens you like two seconds later?”
“first lesson of the year, kimi. do not trust a word that man says to you.”
the pair linked arms and made their way out of the green room. there was a gaggle of drivers at the end of the corridor, all decked out in their racesuits except the ferrari boys who were in normal suits. the group fell silent as they all turned to see the new arrivals.
“i didn’t know it was bring your mum to work day?” alex called out as they neared the group, smiling as he came to hug her.
a french-accented voice hollered a ‘milf’ from the back of the group, y/n suspected it was pierre, but paid no mind. an offended squeak followed as y/n looked up to see max delivering a slap to the back of his head.
“i’m just dropping him off, i gotta get to my seat before i’m roped into an interview. i had to sneak in this afternoon, i swear sky sports are like stalking me!”
the group watched along as y/n leaned in to whisper into kimi’s ear, “remember what i told you. smile, be likeable and tell jokes. these people are underestimating you, let them. we’ll do our real talking in the car. good luck and try and have some fun.”
the pair did their ‘handshake’, which really was just a pinky promise, and broke apart. y/n looks back at the group one more time, smiles at max and takes her leave. just a couple paces down the corridor, a voice called out her name.
“y/n, hey!” lewis called, catching up to her quickly, “i didn’t think i’d see you back here tonight.”
“i wasn’t planning on it, to be fair. kimi is technically an adult now, but i still didn’t want to leave him on his own here of all places.”
lewis laughed as the pair looked back at the group. kimi had nestled himself next to ollie, quietly talking to each other with esteban looking over both of them. y/n caught the gaze of esteban and the frenchman gave her a quick nod before inserting himself into the conversation. the height difference between kimi and esteban was comical, but y/n was happy knowing esteban would look out for him in places she couldn’t be.
“i didn’t think you would like the whole mentor role, being so young and everything, but you seem to be doing a good job.”
“thank you lewis, but honestly he makes it very easy,” y/n looked at the group again with a fond look on her face.
lewis brought his hand to her face and made her look at him, “i thought i’d never see that look on your face again.”
y/n looked down and blushed, shaking lewis’ hand off. “i am happy. a lot happier than i expected to be, anyway.”
“i’m happy that you’re happy. i’m happy you’re back, i won’t keep my distance this time, even if you’re in the home of the enemy now.”
y/n laughed, “well i thought it was bad going back to your ex, and look at me now. so maybe they’re not as much as an enemy as you think.”
an announcement from further down the corridor cute the conversation there, lewis tries not to look bothered, but y/n can still tell.
“looks like you’re needed elsewhere, superstar,” y/n said with a wink, “try not to let charles outshine you too much.”
“he wishes.”
y/n watched him walk away and was confused. lewis had never expressed interest in her before, platonic or romantic. even when she was a young rookie with stars in her eyes, she was never on his radar. was she now? the visit in london had been weird and the way his eyes had been fixed on her since she arrived today was even weirder.
y/n didn’t really have the time to be grappling with that struggle today, not with everything else going on. the audience seemed like enough distance between her and lando, but after monaco, there was no real knowing what could happen. george was just as confusing as his compatriot, with harsh words but also a glimmer of something else too.
she needed a glass of champagne pronto.
max watched the interaction between y/n and lewis like a hawk, so focused that he didn’t realise that he had formed quite an audience. nico hulkenberg, kimi, ollie and esteban watched him try and conceal his feelings, but his face showed every thought.
“you want to make it any more obvious that you’re jealous?” nico said, nudging max to break him out of his daze.
“i’m not jealous, i just wonder what they actually have to talk about…”
“you’re not jealous you say? you didn’t even glare at him this much during 2021.” esteban chimed in.
max furrowed his brows and forced himself to look away. he already felt guilty for harbouring these feelings for y/n and now he’s faced with a curious look from kimi, making him feel even worse. he did not want to make the same mistake as lando and george had in the past. he meant it when he said he just wanted to exist with her.
“kimi, how would you feel about having max as your dad?” ollie said, hiding slightly behind esteban.
“he’s very good with the cats?”
“thanks, that’s such a glowing recommendation, kimi, thanks!”
kimi held up his hands in surrender but max couldn’t be angry at the italian - plus he did take very good care of his cats and brando. in fact, he had nearly thrown his back out, much to red bull’s chagrin, building a new cat tower so brando could watch the birds from his preferred spot. the cat had settled in well in his place in monaco while y/n had been staying, the dutchman didn’t want to think too much about what it could mean, but it was on his mind.
“i just mean i caught you googling how to make sure your cat is getting enough vitamin d because you were worried about how cloudy it’s been in monaco?”
kimi tried to backpedal, but his anecdote was overheard by more drivers, bringing them into the conversation.
“are you being for real? vitamins are just pseudoscience dude,” pierre said but isack popped his head into the circle to say, “vitamins are real? and vitamin d deficiency is actually a really huge problem.”
“thank you isack!”
“as if i’m taking health advice from a rookie,” pierre laughed. yuki took his turn to pipe up next, “i saw you eat a whole jar of peanut butter in one sitting last winter break? what do you know about health?”
“why is it gang up on pierre hour? why aren’t we focusing on the real issue here? like how pathetic max is about y/n?”
max sputtered as even more drivers joined the conversation.
“i am not pathetic. brando is practically my son. kimi back me up, doesn’t he love me?”
“he does -” kimi started defending max before charles butted in with a: “calling for help from the other son? we see how it is verstappen.”
this was a losing battle. max just hoped it stayed this light hearted but he saw lando and george approaching the group.
“max is not my dad, but i wouldn’t mind. he drove all the way to nice to pick up my parcel because i didn’t understand monaco postal charges!”
poor kimi was trying to help, but he was just making it inadvertently worse.
“this is making your pseudoadoption last year look like child’s play, oscar,” alex said, earning him a whack from charles.
“kimi is not my son, but that doesn’t mean i won’t look out for him. this is a horrible place to come when you’re already disliked. some people, not naming names, have made it clear they have a problem with him and y/n, so it’s simply my moral duty to look out for him.”
the group quietened down, looking amongst each other.
“why am i so out of the loop, who is bullying this literal child?” nico said, pulling kimi into his chest, the italian letting out a squeak as the german petted him. “so? do tell.”
for two people who were very eager to call y/n and kimi every name under the sun just a week ago, they were very silent in that moment.
“oh! we’re talking about the lovely cocktail party i threw that was ruined by lando and george!” charles blurted out, he grabbed fernando’s hand, “it was so nice, i even brought olives, but they came in spouting all this shit about y/n and kimi and seduction and older women?”
both brits scratched the backs of their necks. the cocktail party drama was not a good move from them, especially so close to the start of the season.
“it wasn’t quite like that?” george hurried out.
“you accused y/n of trying to sleep with me?” oscar said.
“you said that i was going the max verstappen route of getting with an older ‘problematic’ woman?” kimi added from nico’s side.
“you also kinda implicated yourself in y/n’s crash?” alex heaped on for good measure.
“alex!?” george and lando shouted, “whose side are you meant to be on?”
“i’m not on a “side” because i’m not fucking five, but i will point out hypocrisy and stupidity and that’s both of you. come on, it’s 2025 and you guys are still stuck in like 2017.”
“right, i feel really stupid because what the fuck are you people talking about and why wasn’t i invited to this party?” fernando said, a confused look on his face.
“lando and george are still hung up on y/n years later even though she never actually expressed interest in them, max has the best odds on actually sealing the deal and i don’t know, kimi is getting shit because he brought her back and none of them can actually regulate their emotions!” charles said, exasperated, “keep up grandpa, you’ve been here the whole time!”
“i do not have the ‘best odds’ because y/n isn’t a horse, you don’t bet on women?” max bit back.
“actually i bet on women all the time,” yuki said but when he saw how the group were looking at him he added, “ufc, duh!”
even as they were herded towards the backstage, the group continued bickering like children.
“all i’m saying is that your crush is super obvious and you need to be careful! y/n will know and will use it against you, just look at what happened with me and george!” lando hissed at max.
the dutchman glared at the brit, this really had gone too far. “can you like actually give me an example of where she ‘led you on’ i am genuinely curious,” max snipped, “quickly.”
lando immediately looked at the floor and bit his lip. max began tapping his foot with an impatient look.
“well she would be super flirty with me in the videos the team would make us film?” lando didn’t sound convinced, and max didn’t buy a single second of it.
“if that’s what you think flirting is i feel sorry for all of your ex girlfriends, you must be a horrible boyfriend - ouch!” charles was cut off by a shove from george.
“stay out of this charles!”
“i won’t stay out of this, y/n is actually a friend of mine. yeah that’s right she doesn’t hate me because i don’t assume that any girl who is fractionally nice to me is in love with me.”
“lando you basically tortured that girl her entire formula one career, do you need to do it now as well?” max said, “i think this season will be a lot easier for you if you drop this now.”
“is that a threat?”
“it’s a promise.”
all the bickering surrounding the pair ceased, tension rising in the air. the call for the mclaren boys drew lando out of his stare down with max. the brit joined oscar at the front of the queue and painted on his PR smile.
y/n had found her way to her seat, flanked by natalie pinkham on one side and jenson button on the other. there goes her plans for a quiet evening.
“so the rumours are true,” jenson said before jumping up to give her a hug, “i’ve missed you, rocky”
y/n flushed at the nickname. since her first ever race in formula one, jenson had crowned her his ‘pocket rocket’ which had eventually been worn down to just rocky. she hadn’t heard it in so long, jenson’s appearances being relegated to messages via sara or flowers that only gave away his identity with the use of rocky.
“did sky set up this seating arrangement? are you going to ambush me for an interview?”
“i can’t believe you’d think so low of me,” jenson clutched at his imaginary pearls, “and as if you can say no to me anyway.”
the pair took their seats as the show started. natalie handed her a glass of champagne and whispered in her ear, “you might need this.” well that doesn’t bode well.
the two mclaren drivers made their way out onto stage, joined by zak and andrea. y/n leaned into jenson, “i don’t understand why he insists on being everywhere, have we not suffered enough?”
jenson tried to stifle his laugh, “are you sure you don’t want to work in commentary?”
“i think it’s best i keep my opinion on these men to myself.”
the mclaren spiel followed the closely the same scripts they used when y/n still raced for them, though a healthy dose of constructors champions boasting had been added. a second questionable decision from formula one reared it’s head when nico rosberg asked his first unscripted question:
“so boys, how do you feel about the return of former mclaren driver y/n y/ln to the paddock? excited to see her?”
y/n swore she could see lando’s eye twitch from her front row seat. there was an awkward pause and y/n could feel the rest of the audience tense. even though the general public didn’t know the ins and outs of the fall out, there was definitely rising suspicion.
nico found y/n in the audience and gave her such a shit-eating grin that she almost didn’t care about the situation he just put her in.
“we’re of course over the moon to see her back in the paddock. i know i’ve harboured a lot of guilt as to how i ended up with my seat, so i’m happy that y/n can see me in action and hopefully i can continue to make her proud!” oscar said with a genuine smile, the only convincing one from the men clad in orange.
“continue to?” nico asked, “have you had confirmation of this?”
y/n’s eyes snapped to oscar who despite receiving glares from his boss, continued on.
“we spoke at charles’ cocktail party. i’ve always been a fan of hers and it was great to finally set the record straight. she was a lot more graceful than i would’ve been in her position. to be honest i was a bit of a weepy mess, but she was very supportive. i’m only slightly jealous of kimi…”
“very nice. did you get any insight on her opinion on hungary?” nico pushed, only to be cut off by zak.
“if you so desperately want her opinion on everything, you can wait until you’re on sky’s dime. this is a car launch, no? we’re confident in our car for this season and intend on winning both championships. and do you know how we’re going to do that? with the two drivers on stage right now, not one who was a flash in the pan four years ago.”
you could hear a pin drop in the venue. even lando had a shocked look on his face as he and oscar exchanged a look.
“that’s fighting talk from the man who ended her career, but what do i know?” nico said sharply but then turned to the audience, “ladies and gentlemen, mclaren!”
there was tentative applause from crowd and when y/n and oscar made eye contact she gave him a small smile. this was only the first team…
nico looked for y/n in the front row and gave her a thumbs up to which she shook her head violently. jenson burst out laughing, “well, i don’t think we’ll be having this as the car launch format again.”
“i don’t know about you but i’m throughly entertained,” natalie said, “if nico was like that with mclaren, i can’t wait for ferrari!”
the next few teams were decidedly less dramatic. y/n could see kimi and george lining up next to come on stage and she hoped the italian remembered her advice.
george walked on stage with confident strides, followed by toto and finally kimi. the italian looked out at the audience, squinting from the harsh lights but calming his features when he saw y/n. she gave him a thumbs up and got a smile in return.
“you’re loving this mum role aren’t you?” jenson said.
“you’re making me feel old, stop. but yes i would kill myself if anything happened to him, so i guess so.”
back on stage, nico had started his interview. first toto was being grilled about the hopes for the season and how life at mercedes would be without lewis hamilton. the german was clearly trying to bait his former boss into giving him a juicy soundbite.
“kimi, let’s come to you now. you’re first season in formula one and you’ve already brought in the big guns? y/n y/ln as your mentor, that’s a big statement.”
kimi looked startled and his eyes snapped to meet y/n’s. she nodded to him, urging him to answer.
“why wouldn’t i want a legend of the sport like her as my mentor? she still knows what she’s doing, and if it ruffles some feathers in the paddock at the same time, what’s the harm?”
she was so proud of her protégé. jenson choked on his champagne at kimi’s answer, “kids got balls.”
“well, well, well. you’re not beating around the bush are you? but do tell me, kimi, what’s so special about you that y/n would come out of retirement?”
“i’ll save that answer for australia, nico,” kimi said, surprised by the laughs from the audience, “but maybe i’ve just got a charm the rest of the grid doesn’t?”
“holy shit,” natalie said, “was this the strategy, y/n?”
“i told him to make them like him? are you not entertained?”
nico, for once, was speechless on stage. george huffed next to toto, waiting for his turn to talk. the german clocked onto this and a devilish smile broke out on his face.
“so george, you and y/n grew up together… do you not have charm? as far as we can tell, you haven’t spoken to y/n in years?”
y/n’s mouth dropped open. jenson was right, there’s no way this format, at least with nico hosting, was ever happening again.
“i have more than enough charm, thank you nico. are you going to ask us anymore questions about the season or is it all just tabloid questions from you tonight?”
“tabloid?! well, now that makes me think you’ve got something to hide… but as for your 2025 season, are you afraid that you might lose to an 18-year-old rookie?”
george sputtered in response, “i have no fear of losing, i just beat a seven time world champion, a rookie, no offence, has no bearing on my season.”
“that’s a big claim, george. you better hope you stick to it. it’ll be your sixth season in formula one, do you think you’ll finally be able to claim the number one driver role?”
george’s face was getting redder and redder as he tried to remain calm. he made eye contact with y/n briefly, giving her the subtlest glare he could.
“i think i made a very good case for myself for the last two seasons and toto has faith in me to lead this team back to where they should be.”
nico had a wolfish grin on his face, he was enjoying this psychological torture a little too much.
“you don’t think toto has more faith in kimi, a driver he allowed to skip an entire step on the junior ladder and is giving his formula one debut at just 18? and straight into a mercedes rather than say… a williams?”
george’s shiny mask was starting to slip. this was meant to be a fun event for fans but had descended into a nico rosberg masterclass of making everyone suffer - and for once y/n was enjoying it.
“classy as always, nico,” george said.
“it’s what i do best,” nico laughed to himself, “back to you kimi, are you intimidated at all by your senior teammate? do you think you can make a case for yourself as the number one driver?”
the italian paused for a moment, thinking to y/n’s advice - he needed people to like him.
“i’m more than happy to play a team game to bring mercedes back to the top,” he smiled to toto, “but make no mistake i’m here to win and i won’t just step aside without good reason.”
“well, this is a duo i’ll be watching closely this season. mercedes!”
the trio shuffled off of stage and y/n let out a sigh of relief, she could throw back as much champagne as she wanted now.
another couple of teams made their way past nico’s questioning, but as nico hulkenberg and gabriel bortoleto made their way off of the stage the audience held their breath. next was ferrari.
charles, lewis and fred vasseur made their way on stage, and as has become classic fashion, lewis situated himself as far from nico as possible.
“welcome, welcome. a different line up this year and much to think about, do you think you can finally bring the championship back to italy?”
fred started on what was likely a pre-written script and y/n tuned out for a second. the ferrari boys looked nothing short of glamorous in their tailored black suits with the yellow of the ferrari logo popping on the left breast. both men looked assured, no nerves, just pure confidence - the type of confidence that draws you to a person.
y/n caught lewis’ eye and he gave her a quick wink, something that did not go unnoticed by jenson beside her.
“what was that all about, rocky?” jenson whispered. y/n kept looking forward, ignoring jenson’s stare burning into the side of her head. the brit kept poking her, “i’m not going to stop until you answer me!”
y/n batted his hand away, “i don’t know what you’re talking about old man, leave me alone!”
“i saw that, hell, the whole place saw that! you are aware that is a man 14 years your senior!”
y/n downed her champagne and whispered to jenson, “listen, i don’t know what the fuck is happening! he came to my apartment and he’s being really nice? i don’t know?!”
jenson looked between the two and grabbed his own champagne. “i was teammates with that guy! you might be a grown up now but he’s really old!”
y/n slapped a hand over her mouth to stop her laughing out loud. jenson did have a point. was lewis actually flirting with her or was he just being nice? was she falling into the same headspace that lando and george were in with her?
“i am not going to get with lewis, jens. he’s just being nice, that’s all. now shut up i want to see if nico makes the brocedes breakup all of our problem.”
nico had finished his interrogation of charles and set his sights on his former teammate. y/n grabbed jenson’s hand in anticipation.
“so lewis, new team, new you? how do you feel coming into a team where charles has dominated for the last five years?”
lewis gives nico a forced smile, “i am excited for the challenge. there’s a lot of changes coming into this season, people leaving and new faces. it’s best to face a challenge head on rather than running.”
“you didn’t run from mercedes? you didn’t want to stick it out and retire with the team that gave you so much success?”
“you’d know all about running wouldn’t you nico?”
y/n dropped her glass of champagne and the rest of the audience gasped but nico did not look phased at all.
“i am happy with my decision, time will tell if you’ll be happy with yours. charles dealt with sebastian, don’t think he’ll roll over for you.”
charles looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but on stage and fred’s face would tell you he’s at the gallows rather than a car launch.
“was in your brief today to make the vibes in here as rancid as possible? as i said i am excited for the season ahead and nothing you can say today will change that.”
lewis took the lead and left the stage, leaving nico alone with a pleased look on his face. the german found y/n’s gaze again and wiggled his eyebrows. if there was ever a man you need to take the heat off of you, he was the one.
there was one final team to go and this entire nightmare of a night would be over. the final team was none other than red bull - nothing could possibly go wrong here could they?
christian, like the other team principals, started with a long-winded spiel that said a whole lot of nothing. y/n smiled widely when she caught max’s eye and he responded with an eye roll directed at christian’s rambling. the dutchman, for a second, had forgotten he was in fact on stage in front of thousands. the pair stare at each other and bite their lips to keep the laughs in.
jenson leaned in again, “not to keep questioning you, but what is happening here? and don’t lie, i know he’s the only one you kept in contact with and who you have been staying with in monaco.”
“it’s nothing! it’s something? i don’t know what it is? we’re just existing together. i think romance in the paddock is the worst thing for me right now. i need to be fully focused on kimi.”
“first of all - we’re exisiting together? that’s so fucking gross. and two - you’re still allowed to have fun?” jenson wiggled his eyebrows.
“not everyone can be the playboy of formula one, stud.”
“true. i’m not sure you have the devilishly good looks to be a playboy - hey”
y/n snatched his glass of champagne and turned back towards the stage just as max took to the microphone.
“so max, do you think there’s a chance of a fifth title in a row?”
max laughed in his signature way, “here i thought you’d gotten all of your aggression out with lewis. we’ll have to see how we line up against the other teams, but you always have to believe you can win every single race, so that’s what i’ll continue to do.”
a quick glance from nico told y/n that her peaceful night hadn’t started just yet.
“you’ll finally have your best friend back in the paddock, are you still excited even though she’ll be in mercedes uniform?”
“i think toto has another thing coming if he thinks she’ll be wearing that ugly uniform,” max said, “but it makes no difference to me what garage y/n is in, we’re like magnets, you can’t keep us a part for long.”
nico hummed, “is that why you were the only one she kept in contact with after the crash?”
“yes? it’s mostly because we’re best friends but also because i’m a decent human being.”
oh fuck.
“how do you mean, max?”
christian tried to butt in, “i don’t think we need to go into that here.”
“oh i’m more than happy to, and nico has been stirring all night, what’s just a little more to add to the pot?”
you could almost hear the audience shuffling to the edge of their seats and for the first time that evening, y/n felt some of the cameras on her. she gave them a small wave and hoped they would pan back to the actual action.
“all i’m saying is that there are a lot of victim complexes in the paddock, it’s full of people who would rather say ‘i don’t know why she doesn’t talk to me?’ rather than do some actual introspection. y/n will talk to you if you’re not an asshole, just as kimi.”
“so you’re saying there’s a truth to the rumours?”
“which rumours? you know, since your employers like to report on so many?”
nico chuckled, “well, the rumours that perhaps the brits in the paddock didn’t get on as well as we were led to believe?”
max smiled, “well, that’s not my story to tell, but i’ve found that if you ask them, they’re more than happy to give you the scoop.”
for a moment, y/n’s heart stopped, fearing that nico would take this as the chance to bring her into the fray. max seemed to sense this as well and added, “but as for me, i’m just happy she’s back in any capacity. i’ve missed my partner in crime.”
“have you spoken about formula one in her break at all? you won all four of your titles in that time?”
“i know she watched it, but we haven’t spoken about it. i respected her boundaries at the time, but i knew she was watching based on some suspiciously timed texts.”
nico laughed, “i’m not sure we can ever stay away from this sport for long.”
“i’m glad that is the case,” max said, more to himself than anyone else.
the red bull boys were ushered off of the stage as nico delivered his closing remarks and announced the musical guests.
“he’s glad that’s the case? oh he’s in deep,” jenson gasped, “you can’t tell me that’s nothing, i rebuke it right this second.”
y/n sighed, standing and heading to the backstage bar. “i really don’t want to think about it jenson.”
“but you’re staying at his house, he’s building shit for your cat and gushing about you on stage!”
“i am well aware, but i don’t really know what you want me to do about that?”
“i want you to get your man and let him treat you how you’re supposed to be!”
y/n picked up another glass of champagne, talking the biggest sip before replying to jenson.
“you’re just as bad as the girls on twitter sometimes.”
kimi bursts through the doors, back in his comfy clothes, and rushes over to y/n. she wraps the italian into a hug.
“i’m so proud of you!”
kimi blushes, rocking back and forth on his feet, “thank you, y/n! i’m so glad we’ve got this out of the way i’m ready to race now!”
jenson laughed along side them, “an eager one, this one. i remember when i had that much energy.”
the rest of the drivers flooded into the room, grabbing drinks or just taking a seat. max, much like kimi, made his way straight to y/n, also pulling her into his chest. he whispered in her ear, “i’m sorry i got carried away talking about you, i just can’t help myself.”
y/n can’t help but feel the butterflies in her stomach at the confession. she was really trying to keep her feelings out of her return to formula one, but seeing max like this was putting a real spanner in the works. the dutchman’s protective nature along side his intense respect for her made her feel special for the first time since the crash.
“i take no offence, maxy. i’ll never say no to a compliment, especially from you.”
the group moves away from the bar and as they settle into their seats backstage, max’s arm wraps around her waist. y/n knew she shouldn’t do it, not here in front of everyone but that’s what her heart wanted. the first few weeks into her return and all the drama was wearing on her and they hadn’t even made it to the paddock yet. she snuggled into max’s side, letting the dutchman brush her hair out of her face.
“y/n?” kimi said from the other side of her, “i’m really happy you’re here, and i hope you’ll let yourself have this,” kimi motioned to max, who was deep in conversation with jenson.
“don’t you worry about that, kimi.”
“you’ve punished yourself for years, please don’t keep telling yourself that you’re not allowed this. also don’t wait up for me, i’m going to crash at ollie’s”
kimi said as his departing gift as he went to catch up with ollie and watch some of the music. y/n let herself relax back into max’s hold and her eyes close, all of the pent up stress of the evening rushing out.
“are we really that boring?” jenson asked.
“do you want to get out of here, y/n?” max asked, when y/n flopped further onto him, he took that as his answer.
grabbing her bag, max took y/n’s hand in his and pulled her from the seat. the pair exchanged hugs with jenson and made a quiet exit from backstage. they tried to be as subtle as possible, but nothing is ever secret in formula one.
jenson slid in beside lewis at the bar.
“you want to tell me what your plan is with her?”
lewis looked at his former teammate in confusion.
“i saw that wink and i know you were flirting with her when you went to her apartment. what’s the plan, you’re 14 years older than her?”
“i don’t have a plan? i felt bad about how i was when she was in formula one, i’m just trying to make her feel welcome again.”
“and winking at her at a televised event is definitely going to help?”
lewis scoffed, “i don’t really like what you’re implying.”
“i’m implying that you need to watch your step, seriously. the vultures are just waiting for her to make one wrong step, don’t give them an excuse to call her a gold digger or anything along those lines.”
“and what if i said i did like her?”
“i’d ask you if you actually know her? you didn’t speak to her after the crash, you didn’t speak to her when she was in the sport so i’m confused to where this would have come from?”
“you can drop the dad act jenson, i’m just being friendly. it looks like max got in there first anyway.”
jenson hummed, “not everything is a competition.”
y/n and max climbed into max’s hire car for the weekend and finally let themselves breathe.
“that was a lot,” y/n said, slipping off her heels, “nico really was out for blood.”
“i found it entertaining, but that usually is a death wish for anything in formula one.”
the pair laughed, and as max turned the ignition, y/n’s taylor swift playlist crackled into life.
“are you heading back to your hotel or do you want to crash at mine?” y/n asked as she put her address into the gps, despite max knowing nearly every route across london to her apartment.
“a chance to avoid team duties for as long as possible? count me in!”
“so you don’t want to spend more time with me? just want to avoid your team?”
max placed his hand on her thigh, “you know i always want to spend more time with you.”
the streets were relatively clear at this time with the event still in swing. max weaved through traffic as they entered west london. the dutchman nestled his car in y/n’s spot for her pink cadillac that was still in monaco. y/n started to fiddle with her heels to put them back on, but max stopped her.
he walked round to her side of the car and picked up her up bridal style. y/n giggled and wrapped her arms around max’s neck. the pair made their way up to her apartment as fast as possible, but made sure to say hi to frank who not so subtlety gave y/n a thumbs up and a wink.
the apartment was quiet without the meows of brando who was also back in monaco with jimmy and sassy. max stopped in the kitchen to pour two glasses of water but y/n went ahead to the bathroom to wash off the grime of the event.
she slipped into bed dressed in her pjamas that consisted of some old gym shorts and one of max’s toro rosso shirts. the dutchman knocked on her door.
“come in, maxy.”
max made his way into the room, placing the glass of water on her beside table. he sat on the edge of the bed, “good night, try not to dream of me too much.” the dutchman leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead before moving back towards the door.
“max?”
“yes?”
“will you stay with me?”
“always.”
max got under the covers and tentatively reached out to her. sensing the apprehension, y/n turned over and tucked herself under max’s chin. his arms snuck around her waist and for the first time in three years, y/n finally slept peacefully without the images of her crash.
fin.
note: sorry this took so long, i've been a bit of a writing rut but i'm back!
taglist: @folkloresreputation @hc-dutch @shimmermotorsport @96mcobo @eclipsedcherry @formulaal @czennieszn @gothicwidowsworld @emily-b @suns3treading @henna006 @kazgirl20 @anotherapollokid @littlegrapejuice @daemyratwst @annimausi @yawn-zi @lulu-1998 @xsilkesworld @justaf1girl @daddyslittlevillain @evans-dejong @abq654 @elizamoe133 @wierdflowerpower @t1nkerbel1 @okcurran @raizelchrysanderoctavius @skepvids @multilovebot @fernandoalonso14 @jules-kup-172 @m4xgirlie @rorabelle15 @minkyungseokie @formula1-motogpfan @peterholland04 @miureiz @freyathehuntress @lighttsoutlewis @aleatorio1234 @chaosandevelyn@blueberry648579@dog-and-cat-person230@fastandcurious16@obxstiles@cosmicwintr@becca388510@savagittariuspy@tibadi @thisbitxhs-blog @finn-dot-com @scenesofobx @moofilms @alilstressyandlotdepressy @nana-love-bugzzz @mayax2o07 @obsessed-fan-alert @1-queenofpotatoes-1 @jajouska @poppysrin @mimimarvelingmarvel @jiyumie @heeseungthel0ml 
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witherby · 2 days ago
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Absolutely loving the littlest wayne au 😍😍😍😍. Your most recent post made me think. Damien is relieved that mouse doesn't decided to join the bats, but I'd love to know how the other react when mouse reject the robin title.
Keep up the great work seriously you're super talented✨️.
Thank you so much for saying that! I appreciate it!
Bruce and Damian are relieved. He's getting older, and Gotham still needs protectors right now, but the city is getting better. Slowly and steadily, he hasn't needed to patrol every single night anymore. Gothamites are learning to defend themselves. Rogues are dwindling. Not only are you not particularly needed to defend the city, Bruce wants you to enjoy your life without the burden of that responsibility weighing down your shoulders. Maybe, one day, he'll be able to retire and do the same.
Bruce was going to stop recruiting Robins after Tim, truth be told, but Damian was raised with the League of Assassins and needed a more pacifistic outlet for all that rage that blossomed under Ra's Al Ghul, so he almost had no choice but to pass the mantle down again. Your disinterest doesn't offend him, it brings him peace.
Tim, briefly, considers it a waste of potential. You have the ability to control darkness and shadows. The bats operate exclusively in the night. Are you joking? Why wouldn't you want to protect the city with that? A couple weeks later, though, he comes around when he gets home from a days-long mission and wishes he had the time to just lie in bed and decompress for the foreseeable future. He thinks about his lack of free time, and about how he's always thinking about casework, and updating his suit, and picking up his next round of antibiotics because Damian's grandfather took his fucking spleen, and realizes he really doesn't want you doing all of that. It's bad enough you're keeping the secret of your family's double lives as they run around in spandex beating up criminals. You don't need to live a complicated double life of your own, and he doesn't want you to.
Dick is confused. He loves being Nightwing! He defends the citizens of Gotham and Blüdhaven when they can't defend themselves. Saving lives gives him a great sense of fulfillment. (It's the Parentification making him think he's only lovable if he's useful, actually, but 🤫) Dick will try to convince you to give the vigilantism a shot, just in a small supporting role for a bank heist or something, but if you put your foot down and insist you aren't interested in crime fighting, he kinda becomes a fish out of water. You don't want your big bro to be your superhero mentor? You're just his baby sibling and that's it? What are you guys supposed to find in common, now? How does he remain lovable to you if you aren't partners in the field?
He'll come around, but you gotta give him some time. Having a civilian sibling is going to do him a surprising amount of good.
Jason was rooting on you not becoming a Robin. He was prepared to do anything and everything to talk you out of it, including kidnapping you and taking you to his apartment in Crime Alley if need be so your other family members can't influence your decision. He doesn't want you to collect scars like trading cards. He doesn't want you learning how to apply a field tourniquet to avoid bleeding out from a gunshot wound. He doesn't want you getting a deeper glimpse of Gotham's rotted underbelly than you absolutely have to. He doesn't want you to die saving a city that takes and takes and takes and very rarely gives back. You are worth more than what you can do for others, and he was gearing up to talk that lesson into you until he was blue in the face.
So I'd like you to picture him just sagging in his seat, thanking a god he doesn't believe in that you're already unwilling to join their seemingly neverending crusade. Then he's gonna sit back up and ask if you wanna go play video games or something.
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v6quewrlds · 10 hours ago
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Can you plzzzz write something based off the new Alo ad song with Joe. Maybe y/n and Joe have been dating for awhile, their heading to his house when he decides to take the "long way home" just to admire her/he realizes he's in love/falling in love with her!
Btw I love your writes sososo much!!! Like have you ever thought about writing a book frfr? Kinda new here so not sure if you've ever talked about it but yeah <3
imagine taking the long way home with joe.
author's note⠀⁎⠀got so carried away writing this. i honestly don't think i have the attention span/commitment required to write a book lol. but this song is the cutest ty for requesting <3
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Three short knocks on the mahogany of her front door echoed through the hallway. Her heart nearly leaped out of her chest as she paused her frantic search for the last earring she'd lost amidst the chaos of packing. She rushed to the door, her pulse racing like it did every time the anticipation of seeing Joe caught her in its grasp. She took a deep breath, casting a quick glance at the mirror by the door before opening it with a soft smile and bright eyes.
"Hey," Joe greeted with a casual ease, a bouquet of white peonies in one hand and a bottle of her favorite wine in the other. His grin was as warm as ever, his blue eyes scanning the room, taking in the sight of her apartment in the throes of preparation for her short getaway.
She moved to the side, allowing him to enter. "Hey," she echoed, closing the door before turning to step into his arm for a brief hug and a chaste kiss. "You didn't have to bring these," she said, nodding at the flowers and the wine, taking them from him with a gentle show of awe.
"They're your favorites," he said simply, tucking his hands into his pockets with a shrug. She felt a warmth spread through her chest, a feeling she was getting quite used to around him. She took the bouquet to the kitchen to find a vase, her mind racing with the excitement of the days ahead.
The apartment was small but cozy, filled with the scents of her favorite candles and the faint sound of an old Drake song playing in the background. As she filled a vase with water, Joe wandered in, peering over her shoulder. "You almost ready to go?"
She nodded, setting the flowers down. "Just gotta take the trash out. I don't wanna leave with it just sitting here. I'll take it on our way out."
Joe offered to do it for her, a gesture that touched her more than he could know. She watched as he took the bag, telling her he'd be right back as he headed out the door. As he turned, she took the opportunity to sneak a peek at him. He was dressed casually, a blue crewneck and worn-in gray jeans that hugged his athletic frame. His hair was ruffled slightly, as if he'd run his hands through it, a nervous trait which she found utterly endearing.
While Joe was gone, she took one last look around her apartment, ensuring she hadn't forgotten anything. Her eyes fell on the fridge, a collection of photos held by magnets. The newest addition was a polaroid of them in the mirror. Her camera was covering half of her face as Joe appeared to be mid-sentence. She couldn't remember what he'd said, but she could see the laughter in his eyes, the joy she felt that day reflected back at her.
They had known each other for a year and had been dating for four months, but it felt like forever. She couldn't believe how fast she had fallen for Joe, having been one heartbreak away from swearing off men entirely. Yet here she was, about to spend her precious PTO in his arms, in his house, surrounded by his life.
When he returned from tossing the trash, he found her with her back to the door, her hand lingering over the fridge, the photo of them smiling back at her. He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. "Ready?" he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.
She turned in his embrace, leaning into him. "Yeah," she murmured, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Let me grab my things." She stepped away from the fridge, breaking the momentary reverie, and picked up her bag, her heart thumping against her chest as he held out a hand to take it from her.
As they left her apartment, Joe led her to his car parked at the curb. The car was a sleek black, gleaming under the streetlights, the seats plush leather as she slid into the passenger side. They'd had their fair share of fancy dinners and morning afters since they started dating, but there was something about staying at Joe's place - four days uninterrupted - that made this feel different.
On the way to Joe's, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was being unusually quiet. She tried to keep the conversation flowing, filling the silence with tales of her workplace dramas and the latest episode of the show they were watching together. Yet Joe's responses were shorter than usual, his eyes on the road as if it held secrets he hadn't yet uncovered. The only solace to her nervous mind was his warm hand on her thigh, a silent reassurance that he was still there with her, even if his thoughts seemed a mile away.
She turned her attention to the road, realizing they were taking a route she didn't recognize. "You're not taking me to some sketchy motel, are you?" she teased, trying to lighten the mood.
Joe chuckled, glancing at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Nah, I just wanted to admire the scenery," he said, his thumb tracing gentle circles on her thigh. "If I wanted to kidnap you, I'd be a little more creative than using my own car."
She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. "Good point," she conceded. They drove on in the comfortable silence, the hum of the car engine the only sound between them. As they approached a red light, Joe took the opportunity to shift in his seat, turning to her with a seriousness that made her pause mid-sentence.
"You okay?" she asked, her voice trailing off as she met his gaze. There was something in Joe's eyes she hadn't seen before, a vulnerability that made her heart swell. He reached over and took her hand, his thumb brushing against her knuckles in a rhythmic pattern.
"I just wanna look at you," he hummed simply, his gaze roaming over her features like a photograph he was memorizing. She felt a sudden shyness bloom in her chest, the weight of his stare making her self-conscious. She tried to laugh it off, but it came out as more of a nervous giggle. "You're so beautiful."
Her face warmed at his words, and she playfully swatted his hand away. "Joe, the light's been red for ages. You're gonna miss it," she said, but there was no bite to her tone.
He didn't break eye contact, his expression earnest. "I know these lights," he said, a half smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "We'll be here a while." His right moved to cradle her face, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone.
Her eyes searched his, the playfulness in her gaze slowly giving way to something deeper. "Joe…" she breathed, not quite sure what to make of the sudden shift in their usual dynamic.
The light turned green, and her eyes flicked to the rearview mirror. No honks yet. She couldn't hold back her laughter, breaking the tension. "Alright, you've had your moment, now drive," she playfully ordered, her voice a mix of affection and amusement.
Joe's smile grew, and he finally turned back to the road, his hand falling away from her face to its spot on her thigh. His foot eased off the brake, and they rolled through the now-green light. She watched as the scenery passed by, her thoughts racing with the unspoken words that had filled the car. The rest of the drive was spent in a gentle quietude, their fingers intertwined, the occasional glance shared between them speaking volumes.
When they arrived at Joe's house, it was a stark contrast to the cozy warmth of her apartment. Expensive and sprawling, it was a testament to his success, with high ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows that revealed a perfectly manicured lawn and a pool that reflected the moonlight. It stood alone on a hill, a good distance away from the other affluent homes in the immediate area.
He pulled into the garage and cut the engine, the silence enveloping them as the door rolled down behind them. She felt a peculiar mix of excitement and trepidation as Joe opened her door for her. She stepped out, her sneakers setting against the cold cement floor, her eyes scanning the room filled with various equipment and a few luxury cars. She couldn't help but feel a touch overwhelmed by the grandeur of his life, so different from her own.
"You taking it in?" Joe asked, his hand lingering on hers as he helped her out of the car.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. "Yeah," she said with a nod, "just a little…wowed by all of this." She gestured to the garage, taking in the grandeur of his home.
"Still?" He teased with that deep chuckle of his. "You've been in here at least twice before."
"Every time feels like the first," she replied, a hint of awe still in her voice as her eyes fell back to his. She could feel her breath catch as Joe leaned in, his gaze never leaving hers, his thumb still brushing against the back of her hand. The air in the garage grew thick with anticipation, and she stepped closer, her free hand reaching up to cup his cheek.
"You okay?" She asked again gently, her fingers brushing through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck. His eyes searched hers, a faraway look swirling in his baby blues, one she hadn't seen before.
"Yeah," he murmured, "Just…thinking." He stepped closer, his other hand finding the small of her back, pulling her into him until she was nestled against his chest. She could feel the steady thump of his heart against her own, his warm breath fluttering against her face as he exhaled as if searching for the right words.
"I love you." He said finally, the words coming out so softly she wasn't sure if she'd heard him right.
She froze, her eyes widening. She had felt it, of course. The way he looked at her, the way he held her, the little things he did. But she hadn't expected to hear it, not yet. Her heart skipped a beat as she stared up at him, her eyes searching his, looking for any sign of a joke or tease. But Joe's face was earnest, his eyes holding hers without a trace of humor.
She searched for the words she hadn't yet said out loud, the words that had been growing in her chest for weeks now. They felt heavy on her tongue, but she knew they were true. "I love you too," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. The moment stretched out as if time had paused just for them.
Joe's face broke into a smile, the tension in his shoulders melting away. He leaned down to kiss her, a gentle, lingering kiss that spoke of love and relief. She felt her heart swell, her hands coming up to wrap around his neck, deepening the kiss. They broke apart, both breathing heavily, exhaling together as if staring in a mirror.
"I've been waiting to tell you," he murmured, his voice a hoarse whisper. "I didn't know if it was too soon, but I couldn't not say it."
She leaned into him, her hand still on his neck, her eyes searching his. "I've been wanting to say it," she said, her voice filled with warmth and understanding. "I just didn't expect it to come out like this."
Joe chuckled, his eyes shining with affection. "Well, I figured I'd make it a memory worth keeping," he said, his thumb still stroking her cheek. The silence that followed was peaceful, the only sound their synchronized breaths and the distant hum of the garage door motor.
She felt a warmth spread through her, a warmth that seemed to banish the cold from the concrete around them. "It's definitely one I'll hold onto," she said, her voice low and earnest. She leaned into his embrace, feeling the strength in his arms, the beat of his heart. It was perfect.
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essektheylyss · 8 months ago
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growing up with regular wildfires means it hits 75 degrees outside and I start sniffing the air like a fucking bloodhound Smokey Bear
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sibyl-of-space · 14 days ago
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call from unknown number with local area code
answer in case it's a job offer from local homeless shelter (I know they're at the stage of calling my references)
it's the CFO from the job I gave notice at 2 weeks ago asking if I can stay longer on any terms I name because my new manager just quit cold turkey
happy wednesday gamers,
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spookykestrel · 11 months ago
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I never cared much for black teas but I had the yummiest earl grey at a coffee shop and it’s like my eyes have been opened it’s all I can think about
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hyliagirl42 · 1 year ago
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Sorry, I can't make it to the thing you invited me to that day. I have an already planned activity for later that evening. Yeah, I know, your thing is in the morning and wont take very long and will definitely be over with plenty of time for me to enjoy the rest of the day before my activity. I know. But see, thing is. I have an Activity. In the Evening. So I can't :)
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what-even-is-sleep · 8 months ago
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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).
#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops#mypost#have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month#steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more#but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr#and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da#scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so#it takes an hour minimum#2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think#3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy#and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is#e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry#. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling#imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo#((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much#done in these courses when I have a full week rip#5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails#all dis. hmm#oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna#be difficult…#hm#writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT
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rosicheeks · 10 months ago
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🥺💋☠️🎧💝
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow#but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done#and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird#but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow#so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood#was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone#ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and#hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy#i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better#god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely#focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony#so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno#lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done#to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself#sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough#lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime#so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha#back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies#oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad#tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire#tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh#unrelated
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago
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im finally going to replay y0...
#it's been a little over 2 years#and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like#i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end#i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3#someday though#ugh im nervous though#not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health#assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october#i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before#and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added)#but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow#especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation#also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all??#truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial#like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the#bright lights and eye contact factory#girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this#anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head#with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless#for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles)#and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now#when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that#but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis#whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!!#OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND#which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal#so uh. 😬😬
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kiefbowl · 7 days ago
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here's some more unsolicited adult advice as someone in her 30s who knows there are a lot of twenty somethings and teens that follow her: if you're trying to build a new habit you really want, and are struggling, you have to break it down to the smallest building block possible. If you're failing, you haven't thought small enough. I know it's possible to hear stories of people who just snapped into new life mode one day by "just deciding", but truly what's happening there is a confluence of events and experiences that force the brain into some sort of epiphany. You cannot will an epiphany. It'll never work. For most times of your life, you will need to build habits intentionally, and that means not working against yourself and to set micro goals. like laughably tiny goals. because once that easy tiny goal is met, you can build off it, tiny goal after tiny goal until you reach your big goal.
so for example, if you want to be a morning person that gets up at ass crack dawn so that you can work out, eat brekkie, shower, and get to work at a leisurely pace, and you're not that person because you will hit your snooze button 800 times, you have to get the big picture goal out of your head. think smaller. "I want to get up 15 minutes earlier than I normally do." If you can't do that, make it 5 minutes. "I want to cook breakfast every day" hell no too big. "I want to eat something, anything, before I leave the house" hell yeah, fantastic. When you go to the grocery store to make sure there are things in the house for breakfast, if you keep buying bagels and microwave sandwiches that you ignore, you gotta think smaller. SMALLER. What's something so easy to eat that you'll never say no to. Is it a yogurt? Is it a handful of grapes? Is it a hostess ho ho? is it hot cheetos? FORGET the big picture of the fantasy put-together woman preparing a full nutritious meal that you'd be proud to admit to. Think only of the smallest goal you can achieve. If you know you can't say no to an ice cream sandwich, put a ton of ice cream sandwiches in your freezer and have one for breakfast every day until it's so instilled in you that you gotta get up to eat something you can start diversifying.
It sounds like, from the lack of habit place, that must take forever. But really it doesn't take too long to form the habit once the discipline kicks in. the trick is that you have to give your brain something easy to become disciplined to. If it's too hard, think easier and smaller. No one has to know. Literally no one in the gd world has to know that for 4 weeks when you were 22 you had an ice cream sandwich for breakfast every day. who cares. If it gets you eating oatmeal with fresh fruit in a few months who cares. you did it, yay. smaller, easier. if you can't do it, think smaller and easier. smaller!! EASIER!!! You are not thinking smaller and easier enough. break your brain thinking how small and easy you can go. SMALLER. EVEN SMALLER, SIS.
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arminsumi · 2 months ago
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... hubby!Gojo with a huge breeding kink who just obsesses over you when you're ovulating and can't think about anything else but fucking a baby into your hips.
+ warnings; mdni, breeding kink, some dumbification
+ an; I literally had this idea in my drafts for a year... 😳
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Maybe he's got a freaky sixth sense, maybe it's just because he's got heightened senses, or maybe there's some scientific studies to back it up; but Gojo can smell when you're ovulating. And it turns him on — of course it does. He has a bigger breeding kink than you do.
"Oh, you're ovulating." he notes after sniffing your skin... and you do a double take like he's insane. Because he is insane — you married a madman.
He pays closer attention to your cycle than you do, reminding you to mark down when you get your period, and coddling you in the days leading up to ovulation.
"Satoru, it's just an estimation." you tell him, but he's got a glow in his eyes when he sees your period tracker app telling him that today's your most fertile day — if he cums in you today, it's basically guaranteed.
He researches positions that help conception, bends and pushes you into them, and fucks you deep with his thick cock, going harder on your poor hole than he normally does — grunting more than he normally does, throbbing more than he normally does... like it just awakens something primal in him, and now he's obsessively fucking you like he has no other purpose but to breed his sweet little wife.
"Nn! Satoruuu!" you whine and paw at his torso, your walls overwhelmed by the pressure of his cock splitting you open.
"Yes babyyy?" he coos, giving you a crooked, blissed-out smile as he tilts his head.
There's sweat dripping off his abs, his pink nipples are hard, his biceps are twitching, and he's running one hand through his dampened white hair as he stills inside you for a moment.
"'s too deep! T-too big!" you moan lewdly, a bit of drool escaping the corner of your mouth.
"...aw, I know I'm just too big for ya, huh?" he coos cockily; hearing you tell him that he's 'too big' never gets old.
He's so determined to give you his baby that he tries everything to increase the chances; staying inside you for 5 minutes after shooting his load in, having you rest with a pillow under your back so your hips are raised — "Gotta help my lil' guys swim." he acts like an idiot about it, but sweetly so. Nothing excites him more than the idea of being a dad, except the idea of fathering your children.
After sex, when the two of you are cleaning up, Satoru feels over and massages your tummy with a small smile on his face. He's lost in thought, hair all messy and face tired like he's run a marathon, hopeful that this time he got you pregnant.
He'll pamper you like his queen, humming and going to the ends of the earth to get you anything you ask for. He really fawns over you when you're ovulating, and lays on the compliments thick while snuggling your neck and creeping his fingers up your thighs — pretty soon he'll sink them inside and stretch you out on them, preparing you for what he cutely calls "baby making" but is actually sweaty, nasty, kinky sex — there's a definite difference in the cute, snuggly sex and the literal breeding sessions no matter how much he plays it off.
"Satoru... my legs are still weak after this morning, give me a break, will you?"
"Aw come on, this is an innocent request... and if babymaking happens, it happens..." he mutters the last part under his breath.
"You're crazy."
But you know you're gonna fall for it after you take one look at his rock-hard, juicy pink, dummy big cock and those breeder balls.
He just beams victoriously when you hop over to him like a little bunny.
Satoru's pushes into you as deep as your pussy allows him, and then some more just to pressure your deepest spot, pinning your wrists down and whispering sultrily into your ear about how well you take him, how beautiful you look, how good it feels to fuck your fertile pussy knowing that he'll most definitely get you pregnant because his cum is perfect; thick and sticky and gooey and pungent, perfect just like he is — the cocky bastard.
When his creampies makes you cum, A-spot pressured with his pulsing tip, he grins so wide that you scold him about it.
"Stop grinning like a psychopath." you pant.
He just looks up at you, face hardly an inch away, and asks a dumb, smiley "D'you feel pregnant?" ... as if it happens so fast.
"Gee, I don't know, we should go again just to make sure — that was a joke, that was a joke! Nn! Satoru!" too late, he's flipping you over and slowly filling you up again.
And oh god Satoru loves sliding back in for round twos. The smell of sex and cum wafting up and hitting his nose just makes him plunge back into your cum-filled little hole with only one thing in mind and that is breeding you 'till you're stuffed to the max.
"Come on, y' gonna be a good wifey for me and get knocked up?" he rasps against your ear, thrusting his cock up into your sensitive spots until his creampies turn into whipped cream, frothed up and milky-white and smeared on your pussy lips.
Like the nasty boy he is (and always has been, even before marriage), Satoru forces your head down and makes you watch him fuck his dummy big cock into you.
"Yeah, watch that cock fill you up... look at all my cum leaking out..." he tuts, "... don't be so wasteful, baby... oh well, 'm gonna fuck it back into you anyways. Come on, let me in deeper — aw, what's wrong?" he coos when you claw at his meaty bicep.
"'toruuu, so deep! Y-you're so fucking deep, I can't think..."
His heart pangs when he hears you complain about being too stuffed, "Oh baby you don't need to think, just lay there and let me put a baby in your sweet pussy — gonna fuck you so dumb, the only name you'll remember is mine."
Of course, he has to get a creampie in every day. Sometimes even a few times a day. Sometimes even at 4 AM, and you swat him for being a horny idiot — but it takes five minutes to give in because you can hear the need in his voice when he whines "Please?" and starts humping against you, "I've got so much cum for you." he tells you and though it sounds so sweet in his soft, bedroom voice it's hard to take him as an innocent man, because his thick boner is grinding hard and hot between your plush lips.
You can bet you'll probably only get to sleep when the birds are chirping, 'cause your hubby's balls are too heavy and full of cum and he needs to drain himself inside you — oh, and you can also bet that afterwards he will be sleeping like a princess, clinging to you with his face snuggled into your tummy.
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unproduciblesmackdown · 8 months ago
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one thing i can intermittently remember re: lackadaisy is that way back when, would've been around '08 to '10, i mentioned it to someone in person w/whomst like informal Media Recs Trading was established & i think mentioned wanting recs for checking out webcomics specifically? & i was like ooh lackadaisy Gotta be lackadaisy (i read like, a few others at the time but was immediately huge on that one specifically due to [the ways it pwned were obvious to me first reading it in '07 and Now alike]) and like. in the realm of Left Field Responses I Got After Ventures Of Someone W/o The Confidence I Have Now Thanks To Grinding For It In The Entire Interim i eventually followed up like did you check it out, what do you think, b/c my enthusiasm was stronger than my reluctance to bring shit up unprompted. and i think they were sort of evasive a moment but then were like nah b/c.......why are they cats....like lmfaoooo was Not ready for that like yeah idk what to tell you if that was that significant a factor. except that if you know that much it's too late the furry police are en route
not long afterwards perhaps truly more unexpected. i managed to finagle going to the first convention marble hornets was at, relatively short notice, and this is thanks to by that point having Enthusiasm behind it again, of course. afterwards to the relatively small tumblr mh ether i Ventured Forth again like is there interest in my talking about it, livestream q&a possibilities style even? and then i got an anon telling me not now b/c hοmestuck had updated. omicron just to not risk it plus i think even now i'd filter my own post. like divide this into four sections the way i'm truly at a loss. didn't have that much to talk about but looking back like fr you're neurononconforming in online fanbase Posting same as in the [random discord servers Hate them! non normative verbal communication happens in scores / hundreds of words if it happens at all] like and yet it gets to you to the con. and to the "i don't need other people to like media 'with' me i didn't talk about lackadaisy at all till the pilot dropping & my [first full reread in a Minute] got me all fired up posting style & 'hey wait. my special little guy. all this fresh Mystery Plot Everything appreciation. whoa'" moment. plus nowadays it's only like Lol Lmao whereas back then it was like :( :/ but also still funny b/c this person was running away throwing chairs & tables behind them like i'm not a furry i'm not and an anon was like didn't ask don't care oppa homestuck style. standing there palms open like. furious theorizing is there for me
#talking to the one person i rec'd lackadaisy to could always be a trip just out of nowhere so like#and i was [when you're autistic] in that situation then too#it could be them and their friend in the room & i'd chime into the conversation except No I Didn't. ignored lol#other times i was not but when it's unreliable it's like you can't be nonplussed why i'm not forthcoming w/shit. you Can be but idc....#lattermoreso > be me > be autistic > in that small niche fanbase for years Whole Time felt like i must be bad at smthing#/ had better deliberately try to conform somehow or Put Myself Out There or etcccc like lol & lmao hand on my own shoulder....#but like also idk no matter the scale of things who even likes/wants/enjoys a fanbase experience where you Gotta know Everyone#much less Like everybody or do some kind of social extracurricular the right way lol. guess godspeed if you do#living & learning like was early into smthing when it was quite niche online then it stops being niche? quietly backing out#doesn't mean i'm not just out here Posting then & now but like. doing what i always do#simply my shit & then if people enjoy it well that's a rewarding overlap on the internet for us isn't it#legitimate in & of itself / its own right. don't have to extend into Friendship & it will probably not lol#which; w/never being fucked to stop filtering homstuck posts even unto this day; not like i would take personal insult or like#think one needs to argue their way out of going Nah That's Okay to a rec or anything lmfao#just so like [person standing there emoji] Not prepared for someone to be not interested b/c anthro design it's kittycats. okiey..........#not prepared to get anons as like the only real response going like No. no it's humestuck time. Huh Wha? hewwo?#past me struggling & bemused like hang in there. my Power and Oh I Get It Now levels greatly increased. Eventually. Gradually lol.#couldn't convince them to endure the cats couldn't convince them to go a block & visit their partner on said partner's bday. it was tough#don't think i convinced anyone of anything ever in my Regular MH Posting Life n Times#scooted away from that too b/c it Also simply got more obviously unwieldy for a bit after slender release. back in the day fr
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the-cooler-king · 9 months ago
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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coridallasmultipass · 11 months ago
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