#got told it was okay but got a second call that they reviewed it again and found something

[kashverse]

Do you think you could write about Sukuna x reader before baby kuna and there live before reader even gettin pregnant I really love your work 💗💗💗✨✨✨✨

some corporate boss mamakuna x employee sukuna lore! this is how they first met :)

back before babykuna, before the house full of labubus, cats, and stolen hoodies, there was corporate sukuna. and corporate sukuna? he was supposed to be a goddamn nightmare. you had heard horror stories.

"he’s impossible to work with."

"he made the last manager cry."

"he once told HR to 'suck his entire d—'"

okay, so maybe that last one was a little concerning. but you were young, fresh into a leadership role, and ready to face whatever demon of a man this company had somehow not yet fired. so naturally, when you finally met him, arms crossed, scowl carved into his face like a roman statue, you prepared for the worst. 

"ryomen sukuna, right?" you greeted, professional, poised, the picture of authority. his eyes flicked up to you, and you swear, for half a second, there was a spark of mischief, a flicker of something dangerous. but then, to your absolute shock, sukuna—the devil himself, the menace of the office, the man who had apparently made three secretaries quit in a single week—was nice. or, well, nice enough.

he nodded, grumbled out a respectful “yeah,” and got to work. no backtalk, no glaring, no slamming of desks or throwing office supplies at interns. just grumpy efficiency. you smiled. bright. cheerful. unshaken.

“great! looking forward to working with you.”

then, the moment you turned your back? he was a goddamn menace. “oi, dipshit,” sukuna barked across the office, and some poor intern visibly flinched. “why the fuck is my report missing page five?”

“um—”

“no, don’t ‘um’ me. are you illiterate? do you need me to read the assignment out loud for you like you’re in fuckin' kindergarten?”

“no, sir, i just—”

“fix it.”

when you turned back around, brows raised? sukuna was already back to his task, perfectly behaved, like an honor student trying not to get caught. you frowned, a little suspicious. he blinked at you. innocent. wide-eyed. docile.

…okay, maybe the HR rumors were exaggerated. maybe he was just misunderstood. but then you turned away again, and—

“hey, you, yeah, you—who the fuck made this spreadsheet? a blind goat?!” 

this cycle repeated daily. whenever you were around, sukuna was just a grumpy but functional employee. he answered your questions, finished his work on time, and—god forbid—was even kind of charming when he wasn’t glaring at people. but the moment you left the room? utter carnage.

by week two, everyone in the office knew.

one particularly brave soul even tried to test it. “hey, sukuna,” some junior exec chirped while you were grabbing coffee, “think you could help me review this client file?” sukuna barely spared them a glance. “sure.”

but then you left to take a phone call.

“are you incapable of using your own goddamn brain, or is it just decorative?”

you walked back in. “everything okay?”

sukuna, completely blank-faced: “yeah.”

everyone was traumatized. you? completely clueless. until one day, you walked into the office a little earlier than usual and caught him—midway through roasting some poor IT guy’s entire existence. you cleared your throat. sukuna froze.

then, he straightened his tie, rolled his shoulders back, and—without missing a beat—“ah, boss. g'morning.” like nothing happened. 

you blinked. he blinked back.

…this motherfucker.

[raeathnos]

.

[chanlix-honey]

Run It Again (Bang Chan)

Warning: Smut (+18), pet names, daddy kink, fingering, fear of thunder, and a panic attack occurrence. Please let me know if I missed anything! Minors, please do not interact.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Thank you all for your patience! Without further ado, here's my first Bang Chan x Fem Reader fic. I'm thinking of making this a series, but I have too many ideas and not enough time to write. Let me know if you would like me to continue this, and make it a series with all the boys!

It’s Friday night, and you’ve just come home from a long day of doing voiceovers. With your throat a little sore, you decide to boil some water for a honey tea and change out of your work clothes. Once you’ve changed into your sleepwear, your phone rings. Your manager, Delilah, is calling you.

“Hey Y/N, are you busy tomorrow?”

“Uh, no I don’t think so. Why, what’s up, Delilah?” You ask. You hear her sneeze, sounding distant from her phone. 

“-choo! I’m so sorry for calling so last minute, but the animation team just told me they finished the final scenes for the show,” she starts.

“Ah, ok.” Your kettle clicks off, signaling that your water is boiled. You return to the kitchen, grabbing a cup, spoon, and a honey jar. 

You shoulder your phone to multitask the call and your tea. “And you know what else is great? Cough cough—The director called just before I called you to say that the voices need to be done by Sunday morning so the team can review it.” 

You stop your movements, putting down the honey. 

“What?”

“Yeah…I know.” 

You both sigh on the call together. Delilah clears her throat.

“Could you come in tomorrow morning so we can make any necessary edits before the review?” Her coughs crunch on the other end of the line.

“Definitely, I’ll be there in the morning.” 

“Great! I’ll email you the script now so you can take a look at your lines beforehand. I’m so sorry for all of this, I’m—cough—sure this is inconvenient for you.”

“It’s okay, really! Like I said, I have no plans for tomorrow.” You reassure her. 

“Ok, thank you...I’ll see you tomorrow! I’ll send the script now. Good night, y/n!” 

“Got it. Good night Delilah.” You both hang up.

You stir the honey and hot water in thought. 

As much as you love voice acting, sometimes the job can be stressful. You’re grateful that this job lets you express yourself through characters and it pays your bills. And to be working with the company of your dreams—Stray Kids—is unreal. You remember watching Skzoo as a kid and the joy it brought you. And yet, you can’t help but think that there seems to be some lack of communication (and time management?) within some departments. Hyunjin–head of animation–often loses his head if Felix isn’t around to check in with him.

Finishing your tea, you put the cup in the sink. You head to the fridge to grab some leftovers and put them in the microwave to heat up. Once the food starts rotating, you hear your phone ding. Checking the notification, you read the email. It’s the script for tomorrow’s session.

The TV plays in the background, but you don’t really pay any mind to it until this moment. “Be sure to bring an umbrella if you’re planning to go out tomorrow, as there is a high chance of rain tomorrow…”

You skim through your lines until the microwave beeps. You take out your food and begin to read through the script carefully.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

—

You arrive in front of the production building. 

Dark clouds billow the skies, and the sound of thunder floods your ears. You scamper into the building quickly, umbrella in hand. When you enter the building the rain begins to pelt down on the ground. You jump, as lightning strikes outside. For a moment, you stop and breathe deep and shaky breaths. Once you’ve calmed down, you take the stairs to the second floor. All the recording booths are at this level, making it helpful for your trembling knees.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t last all day,” you mutter to yourself. 

You’ve always hated storms. They’ve terrified you ever since you were a kid. The strong winds always made you paranoid, thinking of the worst situations. When thunder breached your ears, you would always hide under a blanket to muffle the noise. Your parents used to let you hide in their closet to calm down, usually with a stuffed animal or blanket in hand. 

Even today, they stress you out. As if coming to work in the morning for a last-minute session wasn’t stressful enough.

Entering the recording room, you put your stuff down on the couch with a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for sound-proof rooms. Comfortable with the atmosphere, you head into the booth. You take some headphones sitting on a small table in the booth and put them on. Waiting for Delilah and the others to come in, you open your phone to review the script some more. After a few minutes, you get a text from her.

Hey Y/N, just wanted to let you know I can’t make it to the studio today. I woke up with a terrible cold. One of the other guys will come in to watch over your session.

Ah, ok. Thanks for letting me know! I’ll stop by to bring you some soup. Take it easy in the meantime!

One of the other guys? Who could it—

“—Y/N? Can you hear me?” A male voice takes you out of your thoughts. You widen your eyes as you’re familiar with that voice. Looking up, you see him.

“Oh good, you can. I’ll be filling in for Delilah, so just do your lines as if I wasn’t here.” He smiles.

The director is here? Why him, out of everyone? Your hands begin to clam up.

Changbin or Han is usually here to fill in if something happens. 

“Ahm, I got them working on other projects this morning, so their schedules are full.”

“Oh, I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

He nods, sheepishly. An embarrassing moment of silence passes and his voice fills my ears. 

“Right, go ahead and start from line 5, I’ll play the scene just two lines before yours, so be ready.” You nod in agreement.

The scene plays and you’re cued in to say your line. “Hello! I’m Joy, the host of this series, where the boys bake…”

You breeze through your lines and before you know it, you’re nearly done with this session. 

Until, this line. 

This is great! Mmm, this pastry is so good, mmm…

You tense up, forgetting that line felt a little lewd for your liking. You thought about it while reading through the script the first time. Realizing that Delilah would be there to listen in, the anxious thought went away quickly. 

But Delilah isn’t here. Chan is. The director of this whole project is here watching you voice your lines.

No way. No way I’m doing this line in front of the director. It feels weird…wrong even. I can’t do this! 

You’ve never really interacted with a guy in that way before. There is zero experience in that field. You never even touched porn or smut books to find out. You run away when guys flirt with you. The idea of interacting with someone to that extent terrifies you. Doing anything that even remotely puts yourself in a situation that could lead to uhm…doing more…sets you off. You’re worried you would mess up. Especially since you wouldn’t know what to do. You find that trying to function becomes quickly more difficult.

You curse to yourself at the cold that took over Delilah. 

The count-in starts, quickly realizing you're up. And the line is next. “This is g-great! Sorry, I stuttered.” He pauses the recording to talk to you.

“No worries, we can always cut it. Just try it again. I’ll give you the last line to prepare yourself.” He instructs, hearing the count-in tick in your ears.

“This is great! M–coughs” he pauses it again. “Is everything okay Y/N?”

“coughs, clearing throat y-eah, yeah. Sorry, I just had something caught in my throat *coughs* I-I’m fine.” You move away from the microphone to clear your throat some more. After a moment, you stretch and take deep breaths to calm down.

“I’m alright now, I can do it this time!” 

“Ok, let’s take it back to the last line.” You nod and hear the count-in once more.

The line plays and you’re ready. “This is grea-AH!” You jump back from the microphone and take your headphones off. Chan bursts into the booth concerned.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“A spider..” you pant. “I saw a spider on the mic…” He looks around the mic and the ground to find it. 

“Spider? I don’t see it anywhere.” He keeps looking around but to no avail. You could’ve sworn you saw it! Didn’t you? Or maybe was it just your hair in your face? 

He sighs and rubs his eyes. 

“I know we’re almost done, but let’s take a break. It’s still early, and we’re both clearly tired. We’ve been going at this for a few hours already.” His head tilts towards the door leading back to the recording space. You follow him begrudgingly.  

He must be so annoyed with me. Maybe he’ll fire me for this… You think to yourself.

Once exiting the booth, you see him back in the chair staring ahead, lost in thought.

After a few moments, he speaks again. 

“I’ve noticed you’re having trouble finishing the line.” He looks at you. Chan gets up from the chair and saunters over to you. 

“I-I just got it yesterday...I’m just flubbing over this one.” You reassure, avoiding eye contact. Keeping a distance, you walk backward as he continues coming towards you. 

“Honest. You just said yourself, it’s early. W-we’re tired. I-I’m tired.” You stammer. Unable to walk any further, your back presses against the wall. Chan places his hand on the wall, near your face, and leans in closer and closer, just until there’s a few inches of space between your noses.

“I don’t believe you. I think you’re nervous.” he sneers, picking up on your nerves.

“Is it…because of me?” He questions.

“That’s..I–” he gently grabs your chin and tilts it up, bringing your vision back to him.

“Delilah tells me you’re great at what you do. Am I wrong?” You feel your face getting hot.

“N-no, you’re not..” you mutter.

You hear your heartbeat travel from your chest to your ears. Blood continues to rush to your face. You start to feel your pussy thrum at the situation.

“Hm. Thought so.” The hand on your chin travels to your lips. His thumb brushes his thumb over your bottom lip.

So soft…I could kiss her right now. He thinks.

“Have you…have you been with someone before?” He looks down at your lips, licking his. Your eyes widen at the question.

“I-!” You close your mouth, trying to collect your thoughts. He looks back up to you, waiting for your response.

“I don’t think that question has anything to do with my work—”

“—Oh but it does. Have you ever felt a man’s touch before, Y/n?” Your brain short circuits. You struggle to find words.

“Have they…” his hand slinks down to your hip, his other hand still perched on the wall.

“Taken care of your needs?”

“Uh…” you begin to feel a wetness growing in your panties.

“Maybe…pleasured you before?” His hand shifts some more, resting on your thigh. His thumb rubs towards your inner thigh, fingers reaching close to your womanhood. You feel yourself vibrate under his touch.

“I…” his hand stops moving on your thigh, waiting for your response. 

“N-no..” you whisper. “You’re the first.” He hums in response, as his eyes darken.

“Then can I–no. May I, take care of you?”

All the lights were cut off, and all the electronics whirring in the room were powered down. Chan looked around in the dark room, realizing what had just happened.

“Eep!” You quickly grab onto Chan’s shirt and hide in his chest. 

“The storm must have knocked out the electricity. It’s alr–”

“–Please.” His attention is brought back to you. 

“Please, uhm…” You wrap your arms around his shoulders, combing your fingers into his hair. He smiles.

“At your service.” He leans in to kiss you, closing the gap. 

For the first time in your life, you feel so...aware of your body. Blood pumps to your fingers. Goosebumps lay atop your skin. You feel your hair standing up. You feel the fuzz on your soft sweater. The chill rushing up your back. The throbbing in your jeans. The warmth of his touch. His hands ride up under your sweater, just enough where he can feel the skin above your jeans. 

The smell of Chan’s cologne wraps around you, and it's so rich. It’s a light vanilla smell with a bite of cedar and a dash of cinnamon–it’s all you want to smell. And his hair is so plush. It’s like feeling a pillow. You want him, and yet you can’t do anything. You don’t know how.

Your lips move with tenacity, with caution. Anxiety prisons your well-being and you freeze, unsure of what to do next. Chan notices this and pulls back. He rubs his thumbs on your hips to help you calm down.

“Is this ok? Do you want to stop?” He asks.

“I-No. I’m sorry, this is ok…I just don’t know what to do.” Your mind is going a million miles per hour. You struggle to grasp where your head is. All the possibilities of what-ifs, hows, and should-I thoughts whir into the blender that is your mind. You’re slipping into the rabbit hole. A dark pit of void that is filled with racing thoughts. The void strangles you, seeping into your lungs. They continue to fill, ready to burst–

“—Y/N?” A pin drops. You hear your name breathe past his lips. 

“Hey. Hey, it’s alright. We can stop if you’re not feeling ok.”

“No, sorry I–I just need a second.” You shakily sigh. “Can I–is it ok if I hug you? Sorry, I–”

He pulls you into his chest, and a small poomf sound is heard, as he wraps his arms around you. Your body vibrates for a moment. Your anxiousness has nowhere to go, so it encapsulates your body. You take deep breaths to really try and calm down. Chan rubs the small of your back–ever so softly–you hum in response.

“Don’t apologize to me ever again. And you don’t have to ask if you need something from me. Just tell me, and I’ll make it happen.”

“Sor–I’ll-I’ll try.” You sink further into his chest as you feel your heart beating to a normal level. Your shoulders slump and you wrap your arms around him.

You start to hear his heart beating in his chest. It’s nearly all you can hear.

After a few minutes, you let go of him and he gently pulls away.

“How are you feeling?” He whispers.

“Better.” You sigh in contentment.

“..And about…?” He leads. You feel your face get hot again.

“Oh! Uh, y-es. I’m still–yes.” You nod. “Tell me at any point if you want to stop, ok?”

“Alright,” you respond. He leans down to your ear and whispers.

“Good girl. Listen to your body and let it talk for you. I’ll do the rest.” He brings his hands to your hips once more. He tilts down, his face breathing down your neck. Softly, he presses his lips to it. 

Again. 

Again. 

Again. 

He keeps at this to trail down your neck and a bit past your collarbone. He stops just above your sweater, where it lays. 

“I’m going to take this off of you, ok? Raise your arms for me, baby girl.” You do just as you’re told, and he pulls your sweater off of you, revealing your chest and baby pink bra. You’re itching to hide your chest as a habit but you’re more curious to see what else he does next. So you tame the itch. 

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” Chan takes you into his arms and kisses in between your breasts. He sucks and licks all around your exposed flesh, leaving marks. In the midst of this, he slips one of his hands onto your bra’s clasp and undoes the latch. Coming up to your shoulders, he slides the bands of your bra off them.

“Do you know how gorgeous you are?” You look away, blushing some more. You feel your lower region pulse. A soaking feeling sits in your panties once more and you moan quietly. Though not quiet enough. 

“Fuck baby girl,” Bangchan grabs your thighs and lifts you. “Daddy wants to hear that again.” You wrap your legs around his hips. Chan kisses you again, his tongue threatening to take dominance. He licks your bottom lips for entrance and you comply, letting him explore your tongue. 

He leans you on the wall to take a hand to one of your breasts. With his right hand free, he teases your nipples, pinching and pulling at his own discretion. You moan and whimper in his mouth and Chan can’t help but praise you. He pulls away from the intense kiss while continuing to play with your breasts.

“That’s it pretty girl, you’re so good for me.” Chan nuzzles himself into the other side of your neck, leaving kisses all over it. 

“Everyone should know you’re mine,” he growls. He sucks and bites your neck, intentionally bruising it. 

“O-oh Chan…” you whimper. Still on his hips, you feel his stiffness. You need more of him, this isn’t enough.

“Mmh..” you grind on him once and your pussy twitches. Both of you are still clothed. There’s so many layers between you two. But you can’t help it. You want him. You need him. 

Before you realize, you hear Chan groaning in your ear.

You grind on him again. And again. And again.

“Fuck baby, you’re so eager. You want my dick, huh? You want daddy’s dick in you, princess?” He growls.

You stop for a moment, feeling your body flutter in response to Bangchan calling himself “Daddy”. Rolling off his tongue so pleasantly, so confidently. You plead to yourself mentally, wishing he would say it again. You whine, melting into his body.

“Yes! P-please. I n-need it..daddy.” He coos.

“Aw, you're so cute. You like it when I call myself daddy, don't you princess?” Your face feels hot.

“Y-yes..I really like it..” you mutter, hiding your face in his neck.

“Such a sweet girl. I can’t deny you begging so nicely for me. Daddy will give you what you want…but first, I’m going to take your pants off ok?” He speaks softly.

“Ok.” You nod.

He puts you down to unzip your pants. Pulling them down enough to see your matching pink panties. Your damp spot is revealed and he hums at the sight.

“My, my, baby girl. All soaked, just for me.” He gets down on his knees.

Chan kisses your pussy between the panties and pulls them down, along with your pants. You step out of them, now completely naked. He looks up to you.

“Let me hear you more princess, ok?” Chan plants his face into your region and you squeal in surprise. It’s a new feeling. An odd feeling. A good feeling. Really good. He licks your clit slowly and you whine.

“Ah..d-daddy. That feels good,” you sigh. Chan licks a long stripe, close to your cunt. You feel the pit of your belly sink. At the same time, it feels like something’s unraveling, like a blooming flower. One by one petals peel away from its center. Your cunt pulsates, aching for more.

Chan speeds up, his tongue flattening and stretching between your folds. He alternates his pace, all in attempts to rile you up. This works, as you feel..something grow.

This bubbling feeling…feels like it’s going to burst…

“I’m–I’m–” 

Before you can form your sentence, your body shakes, erupting a wave of shock and pleasure throughout your body. He stops his actions to give you a moment.

“Good girl, let it all out for Daddy,” He brings a hand to your head, petting your hair gently.

Once your body relaxes, you feel something warm and wet come out of you. 

“Ah, you’re so pretty when you cum babygirl.” He kisses your temples gingerly. 

You could barely feel his kisses as your body felt like it was floating. You feel hazy, but good. All you’re thinking about is Chan and you feel butterflies in your belly. Your thoughts move slowly. Drifting around like clouds. Eventually, come back to yourself.

“Doing ok cutie?” He asks.

All you could muster up to say was “Mhm”. You smile up at him, laying a hand on his cheek. 

“We didn’t get to, um–” He interrupts.

“It’s ok, I came when you did. We can work up to it next time.” He grabs the hand on his cheek and kisses it.

“N-Next time?!” You blush.

“Of course…and we have some things to talk about before we get there. Would you like to get lunch together?”

Thunder dispels the sweet moment you both shared. “Can we order in?”

“Of course. We’re gonna be stuck inside for a bit.” He giggles.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first, yeah?”

[bambi-kinos]

Dakota Days Review

I got an ask requesting I post the Dakota Days review. The rest of the ask will be mega long so I don't want to just add on the review to the end and make it an even bigger read. So I'm posting this as its own free-floating thing.

So my deal is that in 2023 and 2024 I had enough time on my hands that I read a shitton of Beatle books (including most of the books in my big recommendation post, which I am still thinking about updating so keep in mind it hasn't achieved its final form.) I regularly talk these over with a friend and this review is mostly what I told her when she asked if she should read it or not. Either this will sell you on the book or it will not lol. I did some light editing for readability but otherwise it is mostly intact from the original post date February 13, 2023....good God, 2 fucking years ago!

Okay so Dakota Days. It's an account of John Green, also known as Charlie Swan who was a tarot reader that was close to the Lennons following John's return from his Lost Weekend.

Charlie states from the start that he is only trying to impart a snapshot of what it was like to live with John and Yoko during this time. He straight up admits that he has edited out certain parts of it to respect their privacy (and to cover his own ass as he did his fair share of scamming Yoko during this period.) He also straight up admits that he smushed together many years, events, and conversations in the book. He explains this very sensibly: while he claims a prodigious memory (which will prove not to be the case) he also says that he just spent too many years in John and Yoko's employment to recount all of them without boring the reader.

This is a very effective tactic. Charlie is deliberately telling us something that he is doing (editing the accounts of what happened) because it will make us trust him more. Being honest about misdoings you've done or will do tends to get people to like you more. This is what con artists do when they are trying to get people to fall for their schemes: they will tell you what they are doing and then they will do it. It is effective because it works. Charlie tells us that he is either misremembering or covering his own ass and because he does this we like him, which primes us to accept everything he says.

Charlie gets called up by Yoko only a few hours after John drags home. She renames him Charlie Swan because she knows John will be jealous of him having the same name. Charlie goes along with it because he knows Yoko is an easy mark; he claims in the text that he found John at Disney World of all places and that this is how Yoko ended the long weekend. Considering this is not how it happened we can guess that what Charlie actually did was pull the wool over Yoko's eyes and then claim credit for it. Again, a very effective tactic.

What happens next is really interesting: John feigns being poisoned. He's told Yoko that May poisoned him in his tea. Charlie reads the cards and they tell him "no way was John poisoned" and John leverages this to get Yoko out of the room. John picks Charlie's brain about the occult for a while and then lets him go home after a few hours.

Won't recount everything that happens next but I will say this: Dakota Days is the second half of the story about John's Dakota years and it compliments Fred's book perfectly. Fred depicted a manic John and a cold, distant Yoko. Charlie depicts a depressive John and an anxious Yoko in desperate need of hand holding at every single stage in her life. The amount of time and money that John and Yoko spend on con artists like Charlie as well as their other astrologers, mystics, and Korean herb healers is astounding. They were completely and utterly paralyzed with terror if they had to make decisions on their own. Indecisive, fretful, worried, anxious, Yoko straight up has a panic attack at one point because Charlie orders her to make a decision on her own and she almost dissolves into tears because she can't do it.

The funny part is I find none of these depictions at odd with one another. Yoko's imperious mask always hid the frightened baby underneath and John's aggressive ego always hid the broken hearted lover who wanted to be anywhere but where he was. Yoko didn't give Fred an "in" because he was a servant but she feared and respected Charlie so she could afford to be a broken little girl in front of him. John respected Charlie as a magician and hung on his every word. He didn't see a point in pretending to be something he wasn't like he did with Fred.

Charlie's big thing in the book is that he depicts himself as Spitting Straight Facts at John and Yoko. He condenses these into different conversations. For example, at one point Yoko takes John to Japan for a few months because she wants to convince him to live there full time. All of their clothes are packed according to what Charlie's tarot cards tell them are lucky to take. Yoko asks him to cast spells to keep John in a good mood. They plan out their journey to follow certain directions based on Japanese numerology that calculates the luck of cardinal directions. (Charlie cheerfully admits that this is outside of his education so he can't give an opinion on it. This is part of his set up, he doesn't have a problem admitting his weaknesses which makes him come off as more honest than he really is.)

It all goes wrong within two weeks: John hates Japan. Absolutely hates it. He hates having to entertain Yoko's family. He hates the hotels they are in. Yoko calls Charlie on the verge of tears and tells him that John is humiliating her in front of her family -- apparently Yoko's mother and sister called Yoko out on her bullshit and they accused her of accomplishing nothing with her art. (Holy shit, based?!) Yoko is desperate for John's wealth and status to impress her mother and tells Charlie, "I know what they say about me, they say that all I did was marry John and spend his money!" Which is of course absolutely true.

Yoko is desperate to win her mother's favor because she wants Sean to get a sizable piece of the inheritance but she was so disgusted with Yoko that she wouldn't even acknowledge Sean. (Brutal.) Yoko takes this personally because her sister Setsuko married a Westerner, a diplomat, and Yoko dissolves into hysterics over the phone demanding that Charlie tarot read for new, luckier clothes and have them air mailed to them. As far as I know, Charlie did it because it was an order and Yoko was paying his bills.

It gets worse though because John starts shuffling around like a zombie, moaning, whacking his head against the walls, etc. He tells Charlie that he's pretending to be dead. (I actually think I know what John was doing -- he probably absorbed some of Japan's pop culture about ghosts and he started imitating it.) This freaks out Yoko's family and her mother asked what the hell she was doing bringing this fucked up white guy to Japan. Charlie depicts himself as being the only person John can vent to which is something that I actually believe even though it probably didn't go down in precisely this way.

When Yoko tells John that they're going home soon, John perks up. He starts wooing Yoko's mother and makes nice with her. The funny part is that after all that, John actually succeeded in making Yoko's mother like him! Of course Yoko calls Charlie, again almost in tears, and tells him "John is doing it all wrong, he's being friendly with her, he's not holding her at a distance, he's buying her things and taking her out to fancy eateries!" Yoko is depicted as flat out hysterical in this conversation, enraged and upset that John charmed his way into her mother's good graces instead of making her submit by being ice cold and imperious (aka acting like Mimi) which dissolves her into anguish. And then, at the end of it all, Charlie says that Yoko is being ridiculous and it's a good thing that John is finally getting along with her mother. (Hittin' hard with that street wisdom!) Yoko is very bitter in response. After that chapter I thought, "man Charlie is putting up with a lot huh."

The entire book goes this way. It depicts a John that will make grand gestures towards Yoko (he has Charlie perform a "druidic" marriage ceremony to reaffirm his marriage to Yoko and Charlie has a GREAT time making shit up and forcing John to gather all this bullshit stuff that has nothing to do with Celtic traditions, Charlie's account is so so gleeful about making John dance like a monkey) but actively loathes her the rest of the time. Charlie outright states that their relationship is unhappy.

For example, when Sean was born, John was crazy with worry and made up the Dakota to be more comfortable for Yoko and the baby. But when Yoko finally came home she immediately handed Sean to the nanny (which John HATED, he tried to make her pick Sean back up because he was so upset) and went to her room after a huge fight with John. John then sat down with Charlie and bitterly vented about the fact that he knew Yoko didn't appreciate him and that he was furious that she smoked through her pregnancy and that she wasn't interested in Sean. He accuses her of making Sean sick which is probably true considering Yoko was probably on heroin through out the pregnancy! John is actually kind of stunning here because he is utterly pissed off at Yoko for putting Sean's health at risk and then snubbing John when she finally gets home. His breakdown when Yoko comes home is incredible. They have a baby that she hyped up to Charlie as a Messiah and then she didn't want him. And it still didn't make her love John. The despair in his words.

A lot of the conversations that Charlie depicts follows this pattern. At one point John gets so angry about Yoko's coldness that he picks a fight with her, gets in her face, and just starts screaming at her. She runs out of the room crying because she's frightened of him and then calls Charlie to do a tarot card reading on why John was so mad at her. Charlie speculates it's because she doesn't communicate well with John and he was trying to shake something loose. She goes on a long rant about why this can't possibly be the case because she's only doing what's best for him so please Charlie read the cards…. of course when Charlie spoke to John, John replied that he was angry that Yoko speaks Japanese because he doesn't understand what she's saying to the servants and he thinks that they're talking about him. He's paranoid and angry that she's doing something that he can't get involved with. So he started screaming at her and throwing cigarette packets at her.

At times like this, when Yoko and John are fighting, Charlie takes on an interesting role. He will tell them hard truths about their relationship that they don't like. When Yoko whines that John is being too independent in 1979, Charlie tells her that this is a good thing and that she should be happy that John doesn't need to be managed. He also tells her that she and John will be happier if they are independent of each other. This bounces off Yoko completely and she whines (Yoko is VERY childish in this book) that this isn't possible or safe because John is too stupid (!!) and naive (!!) to make decisions on his own.

Charlie very deliberately depicts himself almost as a marriage counselor to them. You can see his prodigious perfect memory fails him at these junctures because when he relays conversations, John and Yoko don't sound like themselves most of the time. But the funny part is, I totally believe it. I actually do think that Charlie Swan had moments where he gave his unvarnished opinion about JohnandYoko to John and Yoko. He could do this safely for a few reasons:

1) He knew they considered him superior to them. He successfully dug a foothold in their minds and had them both totally convinced that he was legit. They couldn't throw him out because he was their closest tarot reader and it looks like he also had a legitimate head for business because he was able to give them some good financial advice. All of this meant that they were in awe of him and neither of them wanted to go against what he said. They were completely at his mercy. In a way I think it's lucky that Charlie wasn't more malicious because he could have manipulated John and Yoko into doing some depraved shit if he felt like it. They both worshipped him completely. Independent sources verified that John called Charlie "the Oracle" and it wasn't all a jest.

2) Conmen are incredibly good at reading people. They see our weaknesses and they understand them. He had John and Yoko sized up the moment he met them. He realized John and Yoko were both inherently childish, very credulous, willing to believe anything, and that they would only take the easy way out. They wanted self improvement to come only at the cost of their check books. They loved spending money (I think they both had shopping addictions -- I know because I have a shopping addiction) and they didn't want to be disciplined in the slightest. In fact Charlie depicts several moments where outside parties force John and Yoko to be disciplined and they both react like children being forced to sit in the time out chair.

3) John and Yoko, being very petulant, lazy, and weak at this stage of their lives, were totally impervious to criticism. John at least admitted that he knew Charlie was right about certain things but Yoko always had excuses for why she couldn't give John a longer leash/respect him as her life partner, be nice to her mother (Charlie at one point straight up asks why she's being such a bitch to her mother and Yoko is full of pathetic excuses), spend time with her baby, etc. (She couldn't buy farmland on her own because she didn't know how to ascertain if any of the property was good, so she had Charlie do readings so she didn't have to take responsibility for it.) John and Yoko did not want to shoulder any kind of responsibility for anything at all. They are both depicted as sleepwalking through life, becoming outraged when anything temporarily waylaid them.

You could give them as many hard truths as you wanted and it would never take because they will never ever accept it or act on it or own their mistakes. John and Yoko are often at odds in the book, screaming and arguing with each other, John fucking things up on purpose for Yoko's family, but when it comes to Growing The Hell Up, they were a united couple saying "no the hell we will not!"

This is reading between the lines now but I think Charlie is straight up laughing at them at some points and he's letting us in on the joke. He knows that so long as they remain petulant and undisciplined, he will always have a job. So he can tell them honestly to their faces that they are bad parents, that they are a terrible couple, that John is a sullen asshole and Yoko is a whiny bitch, and they will never ever fire him. They will argue with him but Yoko will have him back in her bedroom in 15 minutes to get him to read tarot cards for her again.

A few things I found interesting:

Sean is not portrayed at all in the book. John once describes Sean as overly quiet and meek especially around John and John says it's because he knows Sean is frightened of him. Interesting that this is at odds with Fred's portrayal of Sean. However I actually feel a little soft towards Charlie Swan on this because I think he did it to protect Sean, the way he said he would protect the Lennons' privacy at the beginning of the book. I legit think he was shielding Sean because Sean under 18 when Charlie published this. I think he didn't want Sean to have to wrestle with being depicted in a memoir at that age. The Dakota situation is so fucked up that I legit believe that this expert scam artist might have been in the only moral person on John and Yoko's payroll. I say this because Charlie is absolutely fearless towards John and Yoko in this book so he clearly didn't give a shit about being sued for libel. So IMO he did it to protect Sean because Sean was only a child.

John goes in a 15 month depression in 1978 because Sean once asked him (after seeing one of their poor cats fall out of a window) what happened to the cat that died. John tells him that the cat went to the Land of the Dead because it fell, explaining that nothing can survive a fall out of a window that high. Sean apparently thought about it and said "then Daddy, why haven't you walked out the window?" Jesus Christ.

Charlie scolds John for being a shitty parent and tells him that Sean is just a kid and that he doesn't understand what he's saying. He's just repeating things that he's heard around the house, and if you read between the lines you can feel Charlie judging John and Yoko because Charlie understands that this exposure to the occult is fucking Sean up. John becomes very surly and asks him "how the hell do you know" to which Charlie replies "I studied art therapy and child psychology in college for my teaching degree." (Independent verification has proven that this is true!) John sinks even deeper into a funk that yet another person is proving to be more knowledgeable about John's children than John himself, and rolls over in bed, beginning a 15 month period where he won't see anyone. He just lays there watching tv with the sound off.

Yoko is constantly on edge. She's obsessed with what people think of her. Charlie describes 1979/80 as being very trying because Yoko constantly repeating the same questions for Charlie to read for, trying to divine what stories journalists will write about her next.

John is similarly obsessed with having a positive PR image. He's deeply upset that no one liked his Rock n Roll or Shaved Fish albums (because they don't have new material.) John spends an entire chapter moaning that he hates his audience because they don't love him enough. Then he admits that he thinks he owes them new material but that he won't commit to anything without having a decent stock of songs to burn through. Then he swivels back to piling more blame onto his audience and continues bitching that they don't love him enough to make up for the anguish that he feels all the time. He piled a lot of blame and resentment onto The Public for not being able to "fix" his sadness.

At one point Yoko wants to buy blessings/curses from an actual witch so they go to Brazil. They find a bruja and Charlie intimates to the audience that brujas are expert con artists in a class of their own. He relates that a bruja once sabotaged a building project at which time the builders invited her onto the property to do an """exorcism""" from which she made a tidy profit and they were able to resume building. (Charlie does not depict it in precisely this way but he relates the story in such broad ""magical"" terms that you can see him grinning, pointing, winking, and nodding at you from across the room. Charlie made it as obvious as he possibly could that he was totally fucking with these people and that he knew when other magicians were fucking with people as well.)

Yoko has to sit through a week of a Brazilian woman putting her through fake and expensive rituals, all while putting on a fake Jamaican accent??? Yoko is so dumb and desperate that she doesn't see through it. Charlie is incredibly contemptuous through out the section. He does have an interesting "magic" battle with the bruja (here called Nora, her actual name was Lena) where they size each other up and the bruja agrees to take Yoko on as a client. Eventually Yoko gets cold feet and begs Charlie for a way to get her out of the rituals because she's scared that Nora mentioned a "blood sacrifice" and Yoko doesn't want to kill someone.

To which Charlie replies: "Yoko, why don't you just tell Nora how you feel? You're the client, if you don't want to make a blood sacrifice then just ask Nora to do something different. I don't think she's going to kill a person but if you're that worried then you can tell Nora about your concerns and she'll either change it or explain what will happen. You're paying her, remember?"

Yoko dissolves into more hysterics. She's scared the bruja will put a curse on her or Sean or John. She's too anxious to ask for clarification or help. Charlie rolls his eyes through the entire section.

Then the actual ritual happens, Nora kills a dove (poor thing) and then tells Yoko to sign her name to sell her soul to…something? I actually didn't understand what, though Charlie told Yoko "it's impossible for you to sell your soul so just go along with it dumbass."

But Yoko melts down. She can't do it. She begs Charlie to sign on her behalf and it sounds like she was actually crying because she was so scared. Charlie and Nora both sigh but Charlie signs the document and Nora goes "okay, done!"

Yoko then asks Charlie "Hey did you sign Charlie Swan or John Green?" To which Charlie replies, "what makes you think I signed either of those names?" Yoko freaks out and follows him around going "What name did you sign?? Whose soul did you sell??? Charlie?!!!! Charlie!!!!" But he never tells her lmao. He is so fucking contemptuous of her, it's amazing. This sequence is Charlie Swan rubbing his superiority in Yoko's face with utter glee, and he completely gets away with it. She's too scared to argue with him.

Obviously Charlie doesn't talk about everything here. For example, he and Sam Green both pulled a fast one on Yoko by counterfeiting a painting and selling it to her -- her own boyfriend! It was a complete success, she paid them both handsomely for it. He doesn't talk about that here. But it's clear from the outset IMO that he lies his ass off about tarot reading through out the entire book and is able to do as well as he does because he does actually have some good business sense.

I have to be honest: I respect the fuck out of Charlie Swan. This man is a king. He scammed John and Yoko out of millions. He did so well that he could tell them how awful they were to their faces and they had no choice but to swallow it whole. They didn't have the sac to stand up to him. And he was kind enough to write this book and show us how he did it: by taking advantage of their fear, petulance, and refusal to grow up. Dakota Days is an amazing book.

I have decided that the rocknroll industry is one big trailer park and John and Yoko had the biggest trailer. John is straight up wandering around in a robe and curlers reading the astrology and Dear Abby sections of the newspaper, Yoko is knocking back forties wondering when she can upgrade to the younger model. Sean is their poor kid with a learning disorder that is doing the pyromaniac thing. Going to Swiss boarding school (so that Yoko didn't have to be reminded of John) is probably what straightened him out and saved him.

Not trying to diss trailer parks, I met a lot of nice people who lived in them when I worked insurance, so pulling more from sitcom trash here. But John and Yoko fought, a lot, like these types of couples always do (that anecdote of Pete Shotton's second phone call where Yoko is screaming her head off in the background. I live next to a trashy family like this.) Who knows what Sean heard and what he repeated because he was so young.

This is the book that convinced me that John retreated into the Dakota out of shame. He knew that being with Paul was the best thing that ever happened to him, the only good thing, and he fucked it up with drugs and untreated mental illness. Which sadly has to be hung around his own neck. He blew his life up for no reason and he hid because he knew that.

John thought there were only two options: go back to Yoko or eat crow and go back to Paul. He couldn't stand either but at least with Yoko he didn't have to dance for the press. It never occurred to him that he had options and could do anything.

[samkerrworshipper]

let me love you | Leah Williamson x Reader

a lot of angst, ending in fluff, themes of eating disorders, depression and alcohol abuse, 5900 words

please keep sending request yall i need something to feed my brainnn

i’m stuck on a blurb for this so basically just what happens after a rough moment in r and leah’s relationship, can they fix it? can they learn to love each other again? the photo i’ve used says it all lol

it’s piecy and i think u can see my sleep deprivation in this one but hope you enjoy!

I’d known going into camp that I was in trouble. That as soon as the team doctor did our pre camp exam that I was going to be fucked. With the extensive weight loss I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was approached but I hadn’t expected it to be the first night.

I’d been lying in my bed, in my room by myself. I was rooming with Keira this camp, but luckily enough she spent most of her time in Lucy or Leah’s room so I didn’t see much of her. I’d had the tv playing in the background, to fill the room with something other than the sound of my breathing and the sound of me scrolling through my phone. Then my little bubble, my perfect barrier that I’d created was broken by the resounding noise of someone knocking at my door.

“Y/n, it’s me.”

Sarina. Fuck.

“It’s open.”

It was probably the polite thing to get up and open the door but I was comfortable in my bed and while Sarina was terrifying I couldn’t see her getting mad at me over something so minor. The door cracked open and I switched the tv off out of respect for the manager who had closed my hotel room door behind her. Her face was unsteady, like she was unsure how to approach the conversation, something that I’d never seen on her.

“You missed dinner.”

“I feel asleep, the jetlag has tossed me around a little bit. I didn’t even realise until I woke up twenty minutes ago.”

It wasn’t a lie, I had travelled an obscene amount in the past twenty four hours. I’d flown from Cabo to New York, then spent 20 hours in New York with Kristie and some of the Gotham girls before getting on a plane to take me to Barcelona, where I’d spent a very short eight hours with Keira and Lucy before we got on a plane to London to bring us to camp. It had been hectic to say the least and had resulted in one of my suitcases being lost and me being in a very lengthy back and forth discussion with British Airways about how my luggage had ended up in Austria and that no, I didn’t have the time to go to Austria to retrieve it.

“I think we need to have a talk.”

Sarina’s foot was tapping nervously at her side, it was her tell, she was about to have a hard conversation that was not going to be easy to go over.

“Okay.”

She nodded at me.

“Meeting room 2, five minutes?”

I gulped, fuck, a meeting room. It had gone from informal to a little bit to formal for my liking. I nodded regardless, too scared to reply in any other way.

“Yes Ma’am.”

As soon as Sarina had left my room I was throwing myself out of the bed to throw on some proper clothes and make myself look a little bit more presentable. I threw on my light blue tech fleece and puffer jacket that we all had and then very haphazardly threw my hair into a greasy high pony. I pushed some mascara through my eyelashes and some moisturiser on my skin before coming to the conclusion that no amount of makeup was going to be able to disguise the purple bags under my eyes. Once I was done making myself look a little bit less dead I picked up my phone and keycard from my bedside table and left the room, making my way down the hallway towards the meeting rooms.

The meeting rooms had a multitude of purposes, zoom calls, skypes, video review, contract signing. Business stuff mainly, not a talk with your coach. That was what had me trembling a little bit as I made my way closer to the meeting rooms. When I got to the door of the second one, the one I’d been told to go to I waited outside of it for a few seconds before lifting my fist and knocking twice on the door. I didn’t have to wait long for a reply, Sarina was at the door opening it for me in a matter of seconds. I stepped into the room quickly, my eyes recognising all the faces in the room.

I was directed to a seat at the table, sitting directly across from Sarina, Leah, Millie and our team doctor. Lucy and Keira were seated on either side of me and the whole vibe of the room was enough to tell me that I was royally fucked.

“We are all here to have an open conversation about your recent medical exam.”

I kept my eyes on my own hands, which were resting on the table, playing with the rings that adorned my hands. I couldn’t look up, couldn’t bear to look into the eyes of a woman who a few weeks ago I had loved so intensely and now couldn’t even think about without crying.

“You're here to tell me that I’ve dropped a dangerous amount of weight considering my normal weight class, that I should get some further tests done even though we know that there is nothing medically wrong with me. We’ll beat around the bush a little bit, try to ignore the fact that we all know that you can’t allow me to play when I’ve dropped this much weight and then you’ll send me home.”

Sarina’s jaw was set firmly, I could make out that much as my eyes darted up to the older woman quickly to catch a look at her facial expression.

“Do you want to die Ms y/l/n.”

I was taken aback massively by the question, because who asks a person that question, especially in this context.

“I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with certain people in the room. I don’t want to die necessarily but living right now isn’t exactly ideal either. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, I’ll admit that, I’m aware. I’ve neglected my body, prioritised other things. I knew walking in here that I’d dropped 2 stone and I wasn’t proud of it. I just went through an intense break up though, I’ve been in Cabo for three weeks, most of which I don’t remember. I know that it’s bad, I know that as an athlete we have expectations but I need some wiggle room, I need you to give me a shot to make this better. Because I honestly believe that in this environment I can fix it, I’ll get the weight back, I’ll get back into therapy or whatever. I’ll give up the bad habits, I just need a period of grace.”

I couldn’t look at Leah, couldn’t let myself out of fear that my brave face would fall and I’d be left in shambles sitting here. I just needed to convince Sarina that I could get my shit together.

She was in front of my brooding for a few minutes, leaving everyone in the room in an awkward silence.

“Everyone out besides Leah and you.”

Fuck.

I watched as everyone else slowly got up, Lucy giving me a reassuring pat on the back before exiting the room.

“I’m giving you both five minutes to explain what the fuck happened between you two, because as much as you both want to make it sound like nothing it isn’t. Everyone can feel it and obviously it's affecting the both of you.”

I still couldn’t look at her, it just hurt.

“Seems like I’m the only one who’s suffering.”

“That’s not true nor fair y/n. Leah’s having her own struggles.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes at the table.

“She’s the one who caused the problems in the first place so I’d call that karma.”

The tension in the room was thick, like a cloud laid over us.

“That’s not fair, you had a part in it as well.”

“I had a part in you kissing Jordan at a party?”

“Jordan kissed me first off, drunkenly, she apologised profusely to both of us when she was sober. You soberly made the decision to kiss fucking Alexia.”

If the tension could have thickened anymore, it did.

“You cheated on me with your ex, I think I can cheat on you with my ex situation.”

“Do you realised how fucked up that whole ideology is? I didn’t want to cheat on you, anyone who was there that night will tell you that I physically pushed Jordan off of me, I didn’t want it to happen. I know it hurts you, but you wouldn’t even hear me out, you didn’t answer my calls or texts. I didn’t know where you went, just heard from Lucy that you’d decided to go abroad for a few weeks and you were turning your phone off. I spent 3 days sitting in Keira’s apartment balling my eyes out because I missed you so much, I haven’t slept properly ever since, I can’t fucking live without you y/n/n.”

Leah was sobbing and it hurt a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I wanted to hug her, wipe the tears from her face and apologise for my stupidity, to make it all better. But I was stubborn as shit and I also hadn’t really forgiven Leah. I hadn’t forgiven myself either.

That night had been the worst one of my life. Seeing Leah making out with Jordan had broken my heart and before I knew it I’d been running out of the bar we’d been celebrating in and calling Ale because she was my person and then she was picking me up and taking me back to my apartment and she was comforting me on our sofa and then we were kissing and Leah was walking in, mascara smeared and tears down her face and then Ale was running out of the apartment. I ended up waiting for Leah to fall asleep before I’d fled. I’d been terrified, my fear response was flight, when I was scared I fled, so that was what I’d done on that godforsaken night.

“I don’t really give a shit who did what. You both fucked up, that’s evident. We have the olympic coming up, Leah you are coming off of an ACL injury and you are going to be our captain, y/n, we need you on top of your game for us to win. I won’t deal with this team being torn into shreds because the both of you are too stubborn to talk about your feelings. Am I understood?”

Both Leah and I nodded meekly at Sarina, the both of us equally terrified of the dutchwoman and the tone of voice she was using towards us, like we were six year olds.

“Y/n, I’ll give you a grace period, two weeks. You’ve got two weeks to show that you can make some improvement in your habits, but there will be conditions if you wish to continue training and playing during those two weeks. You will eat every single meal, with the rest of the team. You aren’t going to work out beyond our team scheduled gym sessions. You will go back to talking to a therapist on a weekly basis. You are going to socialise with your teammates instead of holding yourself up in your room by yourself. You and Leah will room together until you can prove to me that you can be civil. If any of these conditions are broken you will find yourself sidelined, am I understood?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Sarina nodded at me, her blue eyes staring intensely into my own, I was trying to get away from this situation, away from the confrontation that was only bound to get worse the longer Leah and I were stuck in a room together.

“You are free to go, I expect to see you at breakfast tomorrow morning.”

I’d given Sarina a quick nod before bolting out of my seat and straight out of the room. I was pretty sure I’d had the worst 96 hours of my life. My whole body felt like it was on fire, my hair and face were still greasy from all of the airplane travel and my eyes just hurt. I half jogged my way back to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me almost as soon as I’d closed the door behind me. I slowly slid down against the solid wood, this whole situation was so fucked.

Not only did I have to focus on being fucking civil with a woman who I hated, I had to fucking turn my whole life around in a matter of two weeks, which right now seemed pretty fucking impossible. I wasn’t a person who cried very often, I wasn’t in touch with my emotions like that. But right now, fat, warm, wet tears were dripping down my face and my lip was wobbling between my two front teeth trying to suppress the sobs that were coming up from my throat. Love hurt. Loving someone and being loved is one of the hardest things that I’d ever done, because it’s not easy to spend every day loving a person, it fulfilling but it also is so fucking painful.

I could hardly make up the energy to get off the floor, so I didn’t. I sat against the door, crying, shaking and trembling as I let out the feelings that I’d built up for the last month. I was a person who didn’t cry very often, when I was drunk, when someone died, when I was really hurt. That was the extent of my emotional release. Leah was similar, that’s why we’d hit it off, neither of us were over emotional, we didn’t read into things and we didn’t over complicate anything. At the end of the day neither of us had to worry about the other one getting offended by a joke or drunken words. I’d honestly believed we were soulmates, for a long time, but that night had wrecked it all.

Both of us had been stupid, it had been the celebratory night of our win in the Nations League, we’d beaten Spain, it was a big deal. Everyone was completely wasted and I didn’t remember much of the night until Leah had been on the dance floor with Jordan, Chloe, Millie, Rachel and some other teammates and one moment Leah is motioning for me to join me and the next Jordan is making out with her and I’m running out with Lucy following me. Then Lucy called Ale because I’d locked myself in our hotel room ensuite. Then Ale was there and she was comforting me and hugging me and I was pissed off at Leah and then I was kissing Ale and she was telling me no and the Leah walked in to comfort me and it was just a fucking mess of alcohol and emotions.

Just thinking about that night had hurt, I hadn’t let myself in the last month. Not when I’d been in Cabo drinking all day and night, clubbing and partying and spending all of my spare time trying to push my emotions away. Then I’d gotten the call from Sarina, I’d been expecting it but it had still shocked me for some reason. In a matter of 24 hours I’d been packing up all my shit and hopping on a plane back to the one place that I couldn’t have been more desperate to avoid. I’d contemplated turning down the call up, but a call from my agent had told me that I couldn’t expect an invite back if I turned one down now. The Olympics was a big deal as well, it was something that I did want to do but the overwhelming anxiety I had felt being faced with the reality that I was walking into a group of people that worshipped the ground that my ex girlfriend walked on.

My thought pattern was interrupted by the sound of knocking directly above my head. The sound pulsated against the wood and across my body, seeping deep into my bones. It was a resounding knock, loud, echoing across the room.

“Y/n, open up.”

It was the voice that I least wanted to hear at that moment and I tried my hardest to ignore it but the sound of the knocking repeating made it harder.

“Y/n/n, c’mon, open the door, I know you're in there.”

It was the nickname that only she called me, a nickname I hadn’t heard in a month and it hurt my soul hearing it. It made fresher tears fall from my eyes that I rubbed at furiously with the sleeve of my jumper. I wiped as much of the smudged mascara and tears from my face, I knew subconsciously that my eyes were red and puffy and Leah would one hundred percent be able to tell. For my dignity though I rubbed it all from my face before standing up and opened the door.

Before I could say anything Leah had slipped past me and into the room, making herself at home and sitting down on Keira’s bed, resting herself at the very top so she was leaning against the headboard. I pushed down any thoughts that I had about Leah being in the same position in our own bed, except with a lot less clothes covering her body.

“You’ve been crying.”

It wasn’t a question, a statement, but it held a question in it somewhere. Leah wasn’t used to me crying, so the fact that I was crying was probably a little bit of a shock to her.

“What do you want?”

Leah pouted at me, sarcastically, it pissed me off how confident she was when I felt like I was tearing at the seams.

“In case you didn’t remember, we’re roomies now. I wanted to talk, I think we both have stuff we need to get off of our chests. I love you y/n/n and I’m worried about you.”

“Go worry about Jordan.”

I was leaning against the dresser, trying my hardest to keep my shit together in front of the woman that was making me feel so many things that I had been denying myself for a month.

“That’s fair, but also not necessary. I didn’t kiss her y/n, I didn’t even get as close as a metre’s distance from her, anyone there could tell you that. I pushed her off me. So yes, she kissed me, without my consent or my desire for her to do so. I love you, not her. I promise you that. She means nothing to me beyond being my friend, I don’t love her.”

I didn’t really know what to say. Leah wasn’t really the root of my anger, because I knew that it had been Jordan all over Leah, and at the end of the day she’d come to my room that night to apologise instead of going back to Jordan’s, I was her priority.

“She loves you, and I can’t do anything about that. That hurts and I know that it shouldn’t, I have no right to be jealous but it hurts.”

Leah looked contemplatively at me, like she was trying to understand what I was saying but knew that she couldn’t really.

“Do you love Alexia?”

I gulped, that was a fucked up question that I didn’t have a answer for. My immediate silence gave enough context to that.

“That’s not a fair question.”

I was deflecting and also furiously toying with a loose thread on the edge of my jumper.

“I think I deserve to know if the woman I love loves me the same way.”

It was hard hearing those words come out of her mouth as well.

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t love her. I dated her for six years, I thought I was going to marry her. I don’t love her like I loved you. We broke up because we couldn’t love each other that way. It was a surface relationship, but we both knew at the end of the day that we couldn’t get married or have kids or get old together, we didn’t love each other like that. We didn’t have a messy break up, I didn’t have a phase where I hated her and I wanted nothing more than to be away from her. We just stopped physically loving each other. She’s still my person Leah, you know that. I regret kissing her, I was so drunk and I was so fucking upset and she was so familiar to me in that moment. So maybe I do love her, in some fucked up way, but I don’t love her long term. She’s not the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life loving, not the person that I want to wake up next to, not the person that I want to write vows for, not the person that I want to be with every minute of every day. I don’t yearn for her.”

I realised now that there were tears in Leah’s eyes, which shocked me a little. Leah never cried, I could count the amount of times I’d seen her properly sob on one hand. Four times. When we won the Euros, when she did her ACL, when she woke up from ACL surgery and that night when it had all happened. Apart from that she was a brick wall, she wore a facade everyday, that very little people got to see broken down. I considered myself very grateful to have been able to see past it, to see the side of Leah that not a lot did. She’d let a stray tear go every once in a while, but proper crying, proper emotional, vulnerable crying was very rare to see.

“Do you love me long term?”

“Leah, that's not a fair question either.”

Tears were running down Leah’s face, similar to the tears that had been falling down my face less than five minutes ago.

“It's not fair? I’ve been here for the last month y/n, wondering if we still stand a chance. Wondering if you still love me, wondering if I should wait around for you? I want to know if you still love me as much as I love you.”

I could feel more tears coming to my eyes, Leah was sitting not even three metres away from me and yet it felt like we were oceans apart.

“I don’t know. Does it really matter?”

Leah was wiping at her face, she detested vulnerability and it was clear in her actions.

“Does it matter? Y/n/n, I am trying to figure out if I am going to spend the rest of my life fucking mourning losing the love of my life. I want to know if I stand a chance, if there is something here that we can salvage, something here that we can try and fix. I will spend everyday making it up to you if I have to, anything you need us to do I am down to do it.”

I shifted from toe to toe in my spot standing, Leah’s words were so genuine, they had so much power over me, sent shivers down my whole body.

“I love you. I love you enough though to tell you that I’m a fucking wreck, some of it’s because of this, some of it is just me. Leah I’m trying to fucking sort myself out now and I love you but I’m not going to tell you that your my priority right now, I love you but I also am trying to learn how to love myself and I’m also trying to learn how to love my sport again.”

Leah pursed her lips, wiping the last of her emotional admission tears from her face. She looked so raw, her blonde hair was thrown up in a messy high bun, an unusual look for her, her face was stripped bare of any makeup and her jumper looked a tad bit too big on her. She looked stripped, stripped of her dignity, stripped of her facade, stripped of everything that made her Leah motherfucking Williamson. I wasn’t looking at England’s captain, I wasn’t looking at Arsenal and England’s world class defenders. I was looking at just Leah. The Leah who would wake me up with forehead kisses every morning, the Leah who would give me foot massages after a rough training, the Leah who would only look at me in a room full of people.

“I’ve worried about you so much that I started to get scared I was praying. You took off and I didn’t know with who or where. I mean I know that I fucked up but y/n/n, we could have talked it out, or we could have tried to. You fled and you didn’t even give me a goodbye. I didn’t know if we were done or if I was ever going to see you again and it fucking broke me. I stayed in bed for a week, I didn’t eat, I didn’t leave. Keira and Lucy literally had to drag me out of bed to get me to do anything. I cried, non stop for a week, it was horrible and I felt like shit. Then Lucy got Alexia to come over and we talked it out and she told me that she didn’t mean for it to happen and all she wanted was for us to be happy and it broke me because how am I supposed to be happy when the woman I love is nowhere to be seen.”

A sob echoed from her chest and it broke my heart, because I hated seeing Leah in pain, I hated seeing her hurt. When she’d done her ACL it had been the most gut wrenching thing I’d had to witness. The only difference was that now I was the source of pain and it hurt ten times more.

I pushed myself off of the dresser and towards the bed. Leah’s head was buried in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees as her palms rubbed furiously at her eyes. I sat down onto the bed and pushed myself up against the headboard beside her, putting one of my arms down on her shoulders and gently nudging her head into my neck. It was uncharted territory but also felt so familiar and right. Hearing Leah’s sobs hurt my soul, but my contact seemed to calm her a little bit. She flinched away initially, unsure but then she was seeking it out, leaving into me and everything about it felt right.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for what happened with Jordan, I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel loved, I’m sorry if I didn’t treat you well enough, I’m sorry if I’m not good enough. I’m trying to work on it, I’m trying to be better,” I stopped Leah before she could say much more.

“It’s not your fault Leah,” My voice came out with exasperation, because I hated that Leah felt that way,

“You made me feel loved everyday, you treated me perfectly. You are perfect Leah, you were a perfect girlfriend, a perfect captain, a perfect person. We had our moments but you are a good person, you don’t need to be better. I’m the one who can’t fucking handle herself, who had to flee the country when it got rough and I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that I ran when it got hard.”

Hearing Leah hiccup on her breath was so painful for me, painful enough that I reached my hand down to her face to try and wipe some of the tears off of her cheeks.

“C’mon, you're too pretty to be crying.”

It was a weak compliment that died with the mood of the room, Leah let out a depressing laugh that honestly just made it all worse but her sobs did quieten down a little bit and I noticed that the tremors that were haunting her whole body had slowed down and had become less of a repetitive pattern.

“You haven’t been eating, you lost two stones, did I do that to you?”

Leah’s voice was so shaky, so insanely innate for her.

“Me not eating has nothing to do with you and I won’t have you taking the blame for it. Not everything is your fault Leah and you don’t have to take the blame for it all. I know how your brain works, that you are going to take the blame for everything that has happened between us, but it’s not your fault, a lot of it is mine, my eating habits though have nothing to do with you.”

My voice was a mixture of steady and stern, I had a point to get across and I needed Leah to understand that, I needed her to know that. She wasn’t as fearless and brave as she constantly tried to prove to anyone, she was always the first to blame herself for anything, always getting down on herself and I knew that, I knew that Leah could send herself into a downward spiral.

She pulled her head out of my shoulder and locked eyes with me, her dark brown eyes felt like they were violating me, I felt like I was naked under her gaze, like I was so incredibly vulnerable.

“Why haven’t you been eating?”

I felt like I was under a magnifying glass, like Leah could see every single part of me and could see into my brain. She always worried about me, always. To the point where sometimes it was concerning, I had as much as a sniffle and she was doting over me like my mother.

“I’m fine Lee.”

“If you were fine you wouldn’t have lost two stones.”

She could read me too easily and she knew that I was pretty much putty in her hands as soon as she started talking.

“It got dark for me when I left, I needed to leave but then I was gone and I realised that I was so alone and I was partying to try and avoid my feelings and it worked but you know how I am when I’m depressed, I stop eating, I stop functioning. I lived off of alcohol for three weeks and then I got the call from Sarina and for the first time in three weeks I was completely sober and it hit me like a freight train. I realised how bad it had gotten and I was in shambles.”

Leah nodded at me, she knew how I worked, knew that when I was starting to spiral I tended to push it all down until it got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown.

“You need to eat, we need you playing, I need you on the field. It broke my heart when Sarina came and told me, when she asked me if I’d seen any of the warning signs or if I’d noticed and I couldn’t give her an answer.”

I brought my hand back up to rest on Leah’s face, she was still shaking, still hiccuping with every word that she said. I pushed the tears that were pooling on her face away with the pad of my thumb.

“I couldn’t even tell her anything.”

Leah’s words were thrown out between choken sobs and hiccups, it was so strung out and painful that I felt it in my chest.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, I’m sorry I deserted you. I’m so sorry I hurt you Lee, you deserve better, you deserve someone who has their shit together.”

Leah pulled herself out from beside me and scooted herself so she was sitting in front of me, between my legs looking at me directly.

“I want you though, I want to love you and I want you to let me.”

I couldn’t do much more than look at her, look at her eyes, look at how heartbroken they were. They were full of so much pain, so many sleepless nights and a part of me wanted to fix some of that.

“Let us be happy, let all of this devastation come to an end and just let us be happy. We’ll work through what happened, we can try therapy, or something else. I want you though y/n/n, I want you forever and I don’t want us to give up on that because of some stupid shit that happened when we were drunk.”

Those fucking eyes, they held the sun and the moon, they had the power to make me do anything.

“I want to try, for us. I still think that you are my forever Leah. I just don’t want either of us to get hurt in the process.”

“Love hurts, we work through it. Please just try it for me.”

Her lip was wobbling in between her teeth and it took every single piece of self control I had to not take that lip in my own and just kiss the woman like I wanted to.

“Okay.”

Leah’s face lit up almost immediately, like a kid in a candy store. She leant in towards me, her lips hovering centimetres away from my own and her eyes looking into my own and it took literally every piece of my self control not to initiate anything.

“Is this okay?”

Leah’s voice was calmer this time, less rough on the edges, less broken. I nodded eagerly at her and relaxed into her body as she pressed her lips to mine. It was soft, tender, relaxing, so perfect.

“How about this?”

It was murmured against my lips, a small smirk forming along Leah’s lips.

“So good, but I think we are both overdue for some sleep.”

Leah frowned against my lips but nodded, we were both tired and it was obvious in our actions. She plopped herself down next to me, relaxing into my body and laying her head against my chest.

“Flick the lamp of love.”

The term of endearment sent a shiver down my back, it was so normal and yet so shocking to me. I obeyed her immediately, turning over to the bedside lamp and flicking it off so we were left in the dark. I shrugged my jacket off before relaxing down into the pillow. Leah shifted around for a few seconds, finding a comfortable spot on my body before stilling herself. She looked so small curled up against me, I tugged her hair out of its bun and rubbed her roots just the way I knew she liked me too and rubbed her back the way I knew sent her straight to sleep. It probably took not even a minute before Leah’s body relaxed fully and her breaths evened out and when they did I smiled a little bit looking at her exhausted form. I leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before relaxing myself fully against the pillows and preparing myself for my own sleep.

“I love you Leah, always.”

[astro-stars]

fish mafia (TWST)

The Mostro Lounge was quiet, save for the faint clinking of glasses and the murmured conversations of a few customers. Azul sat in his VIP room, meticulously reviewing contracts. The stillness of the space was something he cherished, a rare moment of calm amidst the chaos of running the lounge.

That calm shattered when the door swung open with a loud creak. Standing in the doorway was Yuu, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling with a loopy kind of cheerfulness. She swayed slightly, a soft giggle escaping her lips as she stepped inside.

Azul looked up, startled. “Prefect? What are you doing here? And… are you alright?”

Yuu stumbled toward his desk, her grin widening. “Azul! I escaped Ace and Deuce,” she said, her voice sing-song and sweet. “They were trying to stop me, but I… I had to come see you. It’s important.”

Azul raised an eyebrow, setting his pen down. “Important?”

Yuu nodded vigorously, giggling again. “Super important. Pretty Boy, I figured it out. I know your secret.”

Azul’s composure wavered for a split second. “My secret?”

“Yeah,” Yuu said, leaning on his desk conspiratorially. “You’re totally the fish mafia.”

The room went silent. Azul blinked, utterly baffled. “I’m sorry, the… fish mafia?”

“Yes!” Yuu exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “It all makes sense. You’re the boss—you’ve got all these contracts and schemes. Jade is your consigliere because he’s calm and sneaky. And Floyd? Floyd’s the enforcer who makes people swim with the fishes! It’s perfect!”

From behind the doorway, Floyd’s unmistakable laugh rang out as he poked his head in. “Oh, this is gold. Shrimpy, keep going! I’m loving this.”

Jade appeared a moment later, his composed expression tinged with amusement. “How creative, Prefect. I must admit, this is a… unique perspective.”

Azul groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Prefect, I assure you, we are not the fish mafia.”

“Oh, but you totally are,” Yuu insisted, her tone earnest despite her loopy demeanor. “My mom thinks so too. I told her all about you, and now she calls you that. Isn’t that funny?”

Floyd burst out laughing, leaning against the doorframe. “Boss, you hear that? We’re famous!”

Jade’s smile widened slightly. “Quite the reputation you’ve cultivated, Azul.”

Azul sighed deeply, his usual composure slipping. “This is absurd.”

Yuu leaned back in her chair, her giggles softening into a sweet smile. “It’s not absurd. It’s… cute. You’re all amazing, and I think it’s great. Fish mafia or not, you’re my favorites.”

Azul shook his head, though a faint smile tugged at his lips despite himself. “Let’s get you to the infirmary before you decide to spread this… colorful idea to the rest of the school.”

“Okay, Pretty Boy,” Yuu said sweetly, standing up and swaying slightly. “But only if you promise to tell me all your fish mafia secrets later.”

Floyd’s laughter echoed as they escorted her out, his amusement uncontainable. “Shrimpy, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us. Boss, you’ve got to live up to this now!”

Jade chuckled softly, his tone playful. “Indeed, it seems we’ve gained quite the title.”

Azul sighed once more, his cheeks faintly pink. “Let’s just focus on getting her back to normal.”

TAGLIST: @soramcduckahyucky

BORDERS: me!!

[cheynovak]

Between Power and Freedom

Part 4

Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N Shurley Female character     

Summary: Y/N, the ambitious daughter of a powerful CEO, grapples with her father's choices, while she secretly takes a job with Dean Winchester, the rugged CEO of a rival company. Sparks fly between Y/N and Dean as they navigate their growing attraction amid corporate rivalry and family pressure.

Warnings: This story will contain parts that are 18+!

English is not my first language 

*Please do not copy my work, reblog/comments/likes are appreciated* 

I walked into Dean’s office, a mix of anticipation and nerves swirling in my stomach. “Dean? You wanted to see me?” I called out, but the room was eerily silent.

As I stepped further inside, I felt a sudden rush of warmth as hands unexpectedly pulled me back against a strong frame. My breath hitched as I recognized Dean’s scent, a mix of vanilla and bourbon, something distinctly him.

His lips brushed over my neck, sending shivers down my spine, and before I knew it, he was unbuttoning my blouse just enough to slip his large hand inside, igniting a fire within me.

“I’ve been craving you,” he whispered, his voice deep and husky. The way he said it made my heart race, and I could feel the heat radiating between us.

In an instant, he turned me around, pushing me onto his desk as he crawled on top of me. I offered my body completely, surrendering to the heat of the moment, feeling alive in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

But just as our lips meet, I jolted awake, the harsh sound of my alarm cutting through the intoxicating haze of the dream. I sat up in bed, my heart pounding, the remnants of the fantasy still swirling in my mind.

“What’s wrong with me?!” I exclaimed, burying my face in my hands. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and I couldn’t believe I had just dreamt about having sex with my boss on his desk. I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts away, but they clung to me like a second skin.

I got out of bed, desperately trying to distract myself. I splashed cold water on my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. “It was just a dream,” I told myself, but I could still feel the echoes of Dean’s lips on my skin and the heat of his body against mine.

--

As I got ready for work, I couldn't shake the lingering feelings from the dream. I knew I had to face Dean today, and the thought both excited and terrified me. Would he notice how flustered I was? Would I be able to act normally around him after that dream?

With every passing minute, the tension built. I arrived at the office, my heart racing, trying to focus on my tasks. But every time I heard Dean's voice or caught a glimpse of him, my mind flashed back to the dream.

Finally, I found myself outside his office again, taking a deep breath before I knocked on the door. “Come in,” his voice called, and I opened the door, stepping inside.

Dean was sitting behind his desk, reviewing some papers. He looked up, and his gaze met mine, that familiar warmth in his eyes making my stomach flutter. “Hey, Y/N. Thanks for coming in. I wanted to go over some things for the upcoming project,” he said, gesturing for me to take a seat.

I nodded, trying to maintain my composure. “Of course, what do you need me to do?”

As we started discussing the project, I did my best to focus on the conversation, but my mind kept drifting back to that dream. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks every time I looked at him, and it was maddening.

Halfway through the meeting, Dean leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “You okay? You seem a little distracted today.”

I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind, I guess.” His brow furrowed slightly, as if he could see through my facade. “If you need to talk about anything, I’m here.”

I bit my lip, caught between wanting to confide in him and the embarrassment of what was still fresh in my mind. Instead, I managed a small smile. “Thanks, Dean. I appreciate it.”

As we continued our discussion, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had any idea of the thoughts racing through my mind or the dream I’d had about him... here... on this desk. And as the tension hung in the air, it became increasingly clear that whatever this was between us was far from over.

After Dean explained all the details of the project, he leaned back in his chair, his gaze focused on me. “I need you to run the numbers and see what budget we can come up with,” he said, handing me a few documents.

I accepted the task, standing up to leave, but just as I turned to walk away, I felt his voice stop me in my tracks. “Eh, Y/N… about last night,” he began, his tone serious. “Are you… ok? Is everything ok between us?”

My heart raced at the mention of the kiss, the heat creeping back into my cheeks. I shrugged it off, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Why?”

He stood up, crossing over to the other end of his desk, and leaned against it, studying me closely. “You’re acting different,” he noted, his brow furrowed with concern.

I took a deep breath, the weight of my personal life pressing down on me. “It’s just… my dad, and I haven’t been sleeping well for a long time,” I admitted, hoping my vague explanation would suffice.

Dean nodded, his expression softening, and I felt a flicker of relief. I turned again, ready to leave, but he called out once more. “Hey, one more thing. I’m meeting with investors for lunch tomorrow. Normally Bobby joins, but… would you mind coming instead?”

I was caught off guard by the request, my heart skipping a beat. “Uh, yeah, sure,” I stammered, surprised at how quickly I agreed. “Just send me an email with the details, and I’ll be there.”

He smiled, a hint of relief washing over his features. “Thanks, Y/N. I really appreciate it. I think it’ll be good for you to meet them.”

“Of course,” I replied, my mind racing at the implications of the lunch. Would this be another opportunity to get to know him better? Or would it be another reminder of the tension lingering between us?

As I walked back to my desk, I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. Meeting investors was a big deal, and the thought of being by Dean’s side in that environment sent my heart racing. I had to remind myself to keep it professional, despite how my mind kept wandering back to that kiss.

The rest of the morning dragged on as I prepared for the meeting, running the numbers for the project and trying to clear my head. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the lunch would change everything.

When Dean finally sent me the email with the details, I glanced over it quickly. The meeting was set for noon at a fancy restaurant downtown.

--

I dressed carefully, wanting to look professional yet approachable, knowing that first impressions mattered, especially in front of investors.

As I arrived at the restaurant, I spotted Dean waiting by the entrance, looking sharp in his fitted suit. He caught my eye and smiled, his expression warm yet slightly nervous.

“Hey, you made it,” he said, a hint of relief in his voice. “Wouldn’t miss it,” I replied, trying to mirror his enthusiasm.

As we walked inside, he whispered in my ear "You look amazing." I felt a mix of nerves and excitement. This was a chance not just to impress the investors but to show Dean that I was capable and confident, despite the unspoken tension between us.

The lunch was filled with discussions about the company’s future, projections, and strategies. Dean handled the conversations with ease, his charisma shining through as he spoke. I chimed in when necessary, feeling more at ease with every passing moment.

But even in the midst of business talk, I couldn’t help but catch the way Dean glanced at me occasionally, as if he was gauging my reactions, or maybe searching for something more beneath the surface.

As dessert arrived, the conversation shifted slightly. One of the investors leaned back in his chair, eyeing me curiously. “So, Y/N, how do you feel working for Dean? Must be interesting to be under such a charismatic leader,” he said, smirking slightly.

I felt my cheeks flush, and I shot a quick glance at Dean, who was watching me intently. “It’s been great,” I said, keeping my tone light. “I’m learning a lot and enjoying the challenges.”

Dean chimed in, a grin on his face. “She’s been a tremendous asset to the team. Couldn’t do it without her.”

I could feel my heart flutter at his words, a warmth spreading through me. The way he spoke about me, with genuine respect, made it hard to focus on anything else.

After the meeting wrapped up and the investors began to leave, I turned to Dean, a sense of accomplishment washing over me. “I think it went really well,” I said, my excitement bubbling over.

Dean nodded, a proud smile on his face. “You handled yourself like a pro. I knew I could count on you.”

As we exited the restaurant, the tension from before still lingered, but it felt different now—charged with potential. I glanced up at him, my heart racing, and for a moment, the world around us faded away. Would today be the day we finally addressed what had happened between us? Or would we keep pretending like it hadn’t?

As we reached the sidewalk, Dean turned to me, his expression serious yet inviting. “Y/N, about the other night…” I took a breath, my heart pounding in my chest. “Yeah?”

“I just want to say… I don’t want things to be weird between us. We can talk about it, you know,” Dean said, his expression serious but soft. I raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk on my lips. “You know you’re making it awkward by bringing it up, right?”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, fair point. How about we celebrate instead? Drinks on me?”

“Sure, why not.” I replied, eager to shift the atmosphere.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere more fun,” he said, his voice a little slurred but his intentions clear. He took my hand, leading me out of the bar and down a dimly lit street until we arrived at a high-end underground pub.

“This is my go-to place when I need time alone,” he admitted, glancing at me with a hint of vulnerability. “I feel honored to have you here with me.”

I smiled, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. The pub was intimate, with plush seating and a cozy atmosphere, and as we settled into a corner booth, I felt like we were in our own little world.

One drink turned into two, then three, and before long, we were at our sixth, both of us laughing and sharing stories like old friends.

With every drink, Dean seemed to grow more animated, his usual charm becoming increasingly flirtatious. I found myself giggling at his jokes, the alcohol loosening any tension I had felt earlier.

Dean became more flirtatious with each passing moment, leaning closer, his knee brushing against mine. I leaned in, enjoying the way the lightness of the alcohol made everything feel easier, more carefree.

“So, what’s the real reason you keep me around?” he teased, a playful glint in his eyes. “You must have some ulterior motive.”

“Maybe I’m just keeping you here for the free drinks,” I shot back, grinning.

“Oh, so you admit it?” he laughed, his voice low, making my heart race. The chemistry between us crackled like electricity, and I leaned in even closer, lost in the moment.

Just then, Dean’s lips were so close to my ear that I could feel his warm breath against my skin. “You know, I really enjoy spending time with you, Y/N,” he whispered, his tone sending shivers down my spine.

But just as the air became thick with anticipation, the front door swung open, and in walked Jo. My stomach dropped as I watched her scan the room, her gaze landing on us.

“Dean!” she called out, making a beeline for our table. "Why are you here and not at home!?"

Dean’s expression shifted from playful to awkward as he straightened in his seat, suddenly all business. “Uh, just having a celebration drink with Y/N,” he said, attempting to sound casual, but the tension was palpable.

Jo looked between us, her eyes narrowing. “Right. Because that’s all you’re doing,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as she continued to stand there, making a scene. “Is this how you spend your time while I’m at home?” she shot at Dean, her tone accusatory.

“Jo, chill. We’re just having a good time,” Dean replied, annoyance creeping into his voice.

“Oh, so now it’s ‘just a good time��? That’s rich,” she snapped, crossing her arms. The atmosphere at our table shifted dramatically, and I could feel my heart sinking.

“Jo, it’s not like that,” Dean said, his tone firm, but I could see the tension in his shoulders.

I glanced between them, feeling like an intruder in a battle I didn’t want to be part of. “Maybe I should go,” I suggested quietly, trying to diffuse the situation.

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” Jo insisted, glaring at me. “You’re the one trying to take him away from me.”

“Take him away from you? Jo, that’s not what’s happening,” I replied, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. I didn’t want to fight with her.

Dean sighed, running a hand over his face in exasperation. “Can we not do this here? This is supposed to be a fun place,” he said, his voice strained.

“Fun for who?” Jo retorted, her eyes flashing with anger. “You’re just making a fool of yourself, Dean.”

I looked at Dean, my heart aching for him. He didn’t deserve this, and I could see how uncomfortable he was becoming. “Maybe we should just talk later,” I suggested gently, wanting to give him a chance to breathe.

“Yeah, maybe that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice low and resigned. Jo huffed, clearly not satisfied with that response, but Dean’s eyes met mine, a silent plea for understanding passing between us.

I nodded slowly, my heart heavy as I stood up from the table. “I’ll see you at work?” I said to Dean, trying to keep my voice steady. “Yeah, definitely,” he replied, though the spark that had ignited between us felt extinguished in the wake of Jo’s arrival.

As I walked away, I could feel Jo’s eyes on my back, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t over. The night that had begun so promisingly had turned into a tangled web of emotions, leaving me feeling lost and uncertain.

Outside, I took a deep breath, hoping that when I spoke to him later, we could figure things out.

But deep down, I knew that the complications were only just beginning.

--

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[mydearneteyam]

AS IT RAINS ;; TEYLAN

summary ;; just one look is enough to want to learn more.

pairing ;; teylan x gn!na'vi!reader

warnings ;; none

word count ;; 0.8k

word of the day ;; nume [ˈn·u.m·ɛ] vin. learn

"Yes, I-I know, I'm sure I know it's name!" you heard Teylan's voice along with a soft laughter from Ri'nela. As you entered HQ you came upon two familiar faces. From the tablet in the female's hands you could guess that she was trying to see if Teylan knew the names of the pictures. Priya told you they were 'memory games' to get the younger Sarentu to get used to Pandora a little more. Behind Teylan's back you folded your arms, waiting for him to speak.

"Well?" smiled Ri'nela, giving you an amused look. The capped one scanned the image in front of him and clapped his hands.

"It's a Whipfang Crawler!" he exclaimed. You gave a couple of soft claps, making him jump in fright and turn to look at you.

"Tslikxyu Txumtem" you corrected. "But very good. I see you've made progress" you sat down next to him, swinging one of your legs over the couch. The girl extended the tablet to you.

"I got eight out of ten right, but the names in Na'vi are still… complex for me" you listen to him at the same time he receive the device, reviewing the earliest pictures.

You remembered a couple of words from Dr. Alma, who had explained to you that Teylan was the most attached to English and in itself, to human practices or customs.

"You're on the right track." you pointed out to him, noticing the boy's face light up all over, happy to have approval, you could guess.

"I have to go. Nor has asked me to help with something." indicated Ri'nela, holding onto your shoulder and carefully, you placed your hand over hers, smiling.

"That's alright. I can go on. I'm a great teacher" you laughed, making Teylan's tail wag anxiously as he noticed how you took the tablet from him and set it down on the couch.

"Are we gonna keep studying?" he asked, to which you stood up, holding out your hand.

"Outside. We are going to study outside" you indicated.

…

"Look, look, a Helicoradian!" Teylan smiled, approaching the plant excitedly, touching it and noticing how it retracted. It had been a while since both of them had left the place and for now, it has been good. Very good.

"And in our language, what is it called?" you asked, keeping up with him. Teylan made a grimace that you found amusing, where he also shrugged, hoping he was right.

"Tawtsngal?" you denied. "Ah, Loreyu!" now you nodded.

"Tawtsngal, 'the plant of love' according to humans… it's from another area" you remember, looking down at your feet as you walked. Suddenly, the sound of some branches and something falling made you raise your head. Teylan frowned and before he could bring his hand to his cap, you stopped him.

"Kali'weya…" now, he didn't remember that name at all, but when he noticed that from his cap dangled something similar to what Nor once caught, similar to a scorpion, his eyes snapped open, terrified.

"Wha...what do I do?" he asked, almost freaking out. Carefully and with only the tip of one of the arrows you had, you received it, pulling it out of Teylan's cap and setting it down on a log.

"They can sting" you said, now taking his face onto your hands and examining to see if something else hadn't landed on his hair. The closeness was such that the boy's tail once again swayed vigorously and anxiously. When you noticed his ears tilted back, you released him, with your cheeks flushing. "I'm sorry, I thought something else had fallen."

Teylan shook his head, embarrassed. "It's okay…" he pressed his lips, starting to turn around. You were just about to suggest to come back at HQ if he wanted, but when you felt drops of water fall to your face you smiled.

"Let's stay here for a while, please" you took his hand before he managed to walk away. Although that action even surprised you, you didn't want to avoid physical contact between both.

The Sarentu looked at you for a few seconds. Your hair was beginning to be adorned by the raindrops and the bio-luminescence of the trees was beginning to glow behind your figure, thought your freckles were too. Your nose wrinkled every time the water hit your face, but you kept smiling.

"You are a blessing…" he said, with a low tone. You turned to look at him and he tried to walk away again, embarrassed. "Sorry, sorry!"

"Syawn, blessing. Rain is a blessing" you nodded with a serene face, oblivious to the context of what he said. "You get it right, well done. We can go back now" you let go of his hand, but he took it again with purple cheeks.

"I want… to learn more"

You noticed that the rain became heavier, but his grip, for the first time, was resolute.

"As you wish".

a/n ;; i had an idea for a series for so'lek but mmmm- and i repeat, people, if i make a mistake please correct me, english isn't my first language and i'm insecure.....

[magnifythesun]

Hi! Are you still taking ianthony prompts? I've had this stuck in my head the time Ian's car broke down and Anthony said he begged Ian 6 times to come pick him up and I just imagine Damsel in Distress Ian who's also stubborn and a bit oblivious to a worried and protective Anthony who's always there for him in different situations.

Thank you sooo much for the prompt!!

This is definitely one of my favorite little details that they've dropped about themselves haha!! I can't believe Anthony had to ask Ian SIX whole times just to come get him 😂 Ian truly must never ask for help! Okay, I'm a little rusty in my writing but I'm excited so let's see how this goes! Let me know what you think! ^_^

(mid writing notes: writing this really made me realize just how many times SIX whole times of asking your friend to let you give them a ride is. SIX TIMES)

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56102110

--

Leave it to Ian to get stranded in the only 'middle-of-nowhere' spot in LA. Anthony was wearing tracks into his living room carpet, caught up in rereading the messages Ian had sent.

"Car broke 😢" was the first sign of trouble, accompanied by the sad photo of Ian's car half-pulled off of the asphalt into grass.

"Where are you?" Anthony had shot back, confused by the seemingly rural background of the photo. "Got AAA coming to help?"

"In the most barren part of the whole city." Ian replied after a couple of minutes. "I'm taking a look at at it now but yeah I'm probably going to call them. Car sounds fucked."

"Shit, man. Lemme know if you need a ride" Anthony offered. It only took a second for the reply.

"No worries, I'll be good."

There had been radio silence for a while then. Anthony hadn't been too stressed. He figured Ian already had a different person lined up to get him if his car didn't start back up. Still, he kept glancing at his phone for updates that didn't come.

After about forty minutes, and a quick glance at the clock that told him it'd be getting dark soon, Anthony texted Ian again.

"Triple A fix your car?"

The response was prompt. "Nope"

Anthony stared at the message, knowing this man did not just send him only the word 'nope.' It took a minute but more followed.

"The AAA guy's still looking at it but from what I can tell it's beyond his scope. He mentioned I should probably call a tow truck so I've been looking at reviews."

Anthony glanced outside his window, frowning at the rapidly darkening sky. "That sounds like a good idea. after you call whoever, I can drive over so you have a ride once they've towed yours"

Ian responded quickly, "No don't worry I'm all good."

Definitely must have a ride then, Anthony thought. Still, he had to make sure. "Oh good, you've got a ride then?"

There was a long pause, so Anthony set his phone down, glancing at the setting sun again and went to get some water from the kitchen.

Coming back in to his phone, he checked his messages, and-

"No, I'll probably just Uber."

Anthony was flabbergasted. "Why?? Don't worry man it's no problem for me to pick you up. Let me know where you're at." It was actually just straight up dark outside at this point. "Is the AAA guy still there??"

"Nah he's gone. Waiting on the tow truck."

Alone in the middle-of-nowhere Los Angeles? Anthony thought, In the dark? Worry flared up in his chest and the pacing began.

"Ian, just drop me your map pin and I'll head over."

"It's chill, I'm not in a rush to get home." Ian replied, not a care in the world.

Anthony resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. "that's not really the point??"

Suddenly a picture was loading in on the messages.

Anthony braced himself for a lackadaisical gif (and yes, he pronounced it jif like god and the creator intended) but was greeted instead with a horrendous selfie of Ian holding the phone at an angle an inch from his chin, smiling at him. The artificial light from his phone lit up the interior of his car behind him. Anthony couldn't help but laugh, even as the worry churned in his stomach. Another message followed.

"Don't worry. I'm a big boy now, all grown up and everything."

Anthony considered wracking his brains for a daddy joke, but decided Ian didn't deserve it right now. He grabbed his keys and wallet, flicked off the living room light, and left, locking his door behind him. As he walked toward his car, he jabbed the call button.

It rang only twice before Ian picked up. Anthony heard him take a breath to speak and didn't give him a chance. "Ian, just tell me where you're at, I'm heading to my car now."

"I-" Ian sounded surprised. There was a moment of rustling on the other end, then Anthony was clearly put on speaker as Ian's voice echoed slightly through the call. "Anthony, really, it's fine. The tow truck people have an ETA of like 15 minutes and then I'll call the Uber while they're hooking the car up."

Anthony, now at his car, pressed his eyes closed for a second in annoyance as he clicked his key. He hoped Ian could hear the pointed little beep-beep of his car unlocking in response.

"You really don't have to go out of your way to come get me," Ian continued, undeterred. "I didn't mean to derail your whole night with this," He laughed.

Anthony got in the car and leaned his head on his steering wheel in despair. "Ian."

"What?" Ian asked.

Anthony began to laugh despite himself, "I don't understand," He laughed harder, pushing the words out. "Why won't you just let me pick you up? I've asked you like five times!"

There was a moment of silence from Ian's end, and Anthony knew Ian was processing just how ridiculous this had become. Ian started snickering. Then they were both just laughing, Anthony holding the phone tight to his ear as Ian's laughter poured from it, his other hand ready to turn the car on.

"So," Anthony caught his breath, "So can you -please- drop me a map pin so I can come get you?"

"Alright, alright." Ian said.

Ian's voice was soft and breathless from his laughter. Anthony had spent a long time learning how to properly relish the beautiful moments in his life. The sound of Ian's voice right now, echoing slightly through the phone? That was one of those moments.

Anthony's phone pinged. "There. You happy?"

"Finally, my god." Anthony pulled the phone away to check. "Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Great," Ian said. "I think the tow truck gets here right about then." Anthony could still hear the smile in his voice. "I'll be here, waiting for you to rescue me."

[jedimasterbailey]

WARNING! AHSOKA SHOW RANT DOWN BELOW! SPOILERS!

Furthermore, I’m going to be completely honest in this review so if you’re someone who truly enjoyed the show, you’re a Rebels stan, etc. then this post isn’t for you. Haters will be blocked immediately so take your negative energy elsewhere. You have been warned!

For everyone else, buckle up because I’ve got a lot to say and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as well. All comments are welcome so long as they are respectful to everyone.

Okay, so now that the show is done for now. I’m going to be listing some major talking points. We’re there some aspects of the show that I enjoyed/appreciated? Absolutely! But overall, I’m leaving this show very disappointed, confused, and frustrated. The finale left me feeling empty and never have I personally been more silent after a Star Wars show. Now mind you I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I love Ahsoka’s character dearly as well as the Clone Wars and the prequels so there is bias here. Furthermore I am pretty indifferent with Rebels so going in knowing that the Ahsoka show wasn’t going to be…well about Ahsoka but rather a Rebels sequel, that already put a bad taste in my mouth and I was very nervous how this show was going to go and well…it was exactly what I expected from a Filoni/cheap Disney production. Without further ado, here’s a list of all my beef.

1.) Lack of a Coherent and Cohesive Story

So I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but my main issue with Dave Feloni productions is that the story seems to be going all over the place and there’s a lot of moving parts that don’t necessarily meld well together. I often think to myself that Ahsoka is an example of a poorly written fanfiction brought to the screen. So the plot of the show initally was focused on Ahsoka bringing Ezra home. Okay, that’s simple, there’s many different ways we can make that cool and interesting but that’s not what happened here. We’re just filled with a ton of confusing information and we’re in for a very boring journey heading for a very anticlimactic and unsatisfying ending.

For starters, we the audience are informed that Ahsoka and Sabine had started an apprenticeship (which I have ALOT of issues with but that’s for another talking point) but they got into a tiff (which we never find out about and/or see) and now things are just depressing and weird between them. First of all, anyone who has seen Rebels KNOWS that Ahsoka and Sabine literally had very little to do with each other; I can’t recall a single conversation those two have had in the past, nor was it ever eluded to us that Sabine is Force sensitive.

Second we see that Hera and Sabine don’t have anything to do with each other for some reason? Which is weird considering all that’s happened and their history but okay suddenly Sabine, a grown ass 30+ year old woman is Ahsoka’s responsibility, which again why? We don’t get any background information, we’re just expected to accept and go with it.

Third, Ahsoka and Hyuang are reunited and working together immediately but again do we know how that became to be? No. We see none of that.

Fourth we are told that Morgan Elsbeth, a one off antagonist from the Mandalorian that Ahsoka fought is suddenly a Dathormirian woman even though she looks nothing like one besides her outfits in the show nor was that eluded to previously.

Fifth, we are introduced to these two new…I don’t even know what to call them “dark siders” “non Jedi” Shin and Baylan (who is apparently a former Jedi from the Clone Wars but did we see that or see how he knew Ahsoka and Anakin? No.) but we aren’t given any reason to care about them other than they’re in Ahsoka’s way of completing her mission. They end up being more like time fillers that anything else and end up walking away from the big conclusion. Like…why are they even in this show and why should we care?

Perhaps Dave Feloni has this big grand story in his mind but he’s so far up his own ass that none of us get to see this story. It’s like seeing a little kid play with their action figures and they’re super passionate about it but as a outsider you have no idea what’s going on. Now this isn’t good not only for the sake of good storytelling but it’s bad for business too.

Disney wants to make as much money off of Star Wars as they can. That’s extremely obvious. However here you have a show that isn’t going to pull in a casual Star Wars viewers (they would have to watch so much content to catch up on whose who and what is going on) nor is it really going to pull in fans of Clone Wars and Rebels because while they overlap, the fandoms are different and Feloni hasn’t done a good job melding those worlds together thus the divisive opinions on this show. This leaves for an incredibly small niche of people and honestly I think whatever toy sells they make from this show will do better than the actual ratings. I would be shocked if they greenlit for another season because I’m pretty done with this story as is many of the people who would be willing to watch.

All in all this is embarrassing how Feloni and the gang with all the money and resources can’t pull off a simple and epic show when there are thousands of unpaid fanfic writers that could pull off a much better story and build these beloved up characters, which leads into my next point.

2. The Characterizations of Ahsoka, Sabine, and Hera Are Bad

Now I have mentioned previously how much I love Ahsoka but damn it upon watching this show, she may as well be dead. Ahsoka has been given the Luke Skywalker treatment in that Ahsoka has been stripped of everything that made her lovable in Clone Wars and Rebels and is left as a sorry shell of who she once was. Her dialouge is hollow and lifeless not like the lively Ashley counterpart that made us all love Ahsoka in the first place. And no don’t give this “well she’s older now” bullshti excuse because Obi Wan Kenobi never lost his cheekiness and charisma as an old man, neither did Yoda, or Leia, etc. Just because you age doesn’t mean you have to be lifeless. Maturity does not equate to emotionless. Secondly for a woman whose well into her fifties and still acts very much like a Jedi Ahsoka’s views on the Jedi and their philosophy seem very warped and the audience is again left confused as to where she stands on the Jedi. I mentioned in a previous post how I couldn’t stand Ahsoka’s negativity towards the Jedi and how nobody seems to matter but Anakin (even though he’s put her through a ton of trauma and has tried to kill her as Vader) because it’s just so distasteful to the people who raised her and loved her that died by genocide no thanks to Anakin. Ahsoka has zero character development other than she seems to forgive Anakin for his wrongdoings despite the nonexistent apology. For a show that has her name on it, she sure is boring. Makes me miss Ashley and old Ahsoka even more.

As for Sabine I probably could write a whole thesis on how unlikeable she is but I’ll keep it short. One, I find it sick on Feloni’s part that he’s having a grown 30+ year old woman act like a teenager and be snarky with just about everyone. Ezra, who annoyed me immensely in Rebels, was WAY more mature and grounded. And again I’m sick and tired of the Mandalorian excuse of you getting to be an asshole because youre Mandalorian. Shut up. No one is above manners and decency. Sabine’s actions in this show have been far from Jedi like and thanks to her immaturity, she left Ahsoka for dead once and is indirectly responsible for the death of New Republic officers who were trying to stop this very dangerous mission that could possibly bring Thrawn and the Empire back ensuing more death and destruction of innocents. Ahsoka deserves to be angry with her for her words and actions, but of course Sabine gets a free pass and her bad behavior will continue to be enabled.

As for Hera…when did she become such a Karen? Just because you’re an officer doesn’t mean you get to abuse your power for your own personal agenda. That Senator was right about her. Finding Thrawn is a threat to the galaxy and using resources and putting lives at risk for it is a big deal. Hera was depicted as honorable and responsible in the Rebels series and I swear I was watching a different person on screen. Also she is a major Sabine enabler and that needs to stop. Sabine is grown and needs to grow up and fix her attitude.

3.) Anakin’s Role In the Show

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Hayden and I love Anakin, I have the dude tattooed on me for Force sake so don’t come at me for that, but I had some issues on how his character was used here. First, I’m tired of Ahsoka’s relevance to Anakin being the only defining trait about her. Second, I’m continuously annoyed by Anakin’s lack of accountability in these shows; he never once apologizes to Ahsoka for all that’s happened, he never once’s has a meaningful conversation with her; he just basically beats her down until she finally lets go of her past. Did I love the Clone Wars flashbacks! YES! They were my favorite part of the entire show and I want MORE of that; but I so wish Anakin could have been reflecting on his own actions with Ahsoka instead of being like “Is ThAt WhAt ThIs Is AbOuT?” Like come on 🙄

4.) Ahsoka’s “It’s Time To Move On” Line

Are you kidding me Ahsoka? There is still so much more to unpack with her past such as all the other relationships she’s had that completely changed her trajectory like BARRISS and REX and she could also be a mentor figure to Luke and Leia, etc. But nope the only thing that matters is getting over Anakin and all is well despite being stranded in another galaxy and Thrawn being unleashed back home. Like THIS IS NOT OKAY!

5.) The Cheap Ass Production of this Show

I’m not normally one to comment on production but it was so obvious in this show how many corners were cut. For one characters like Thrawn look god awful. Dude looking like a blue Elon Musk instead of an intimidating villain. The use of fog and the volume were very obvious and the places we went to were so boring minus the red leaves forest. The worlds of Star Wars used to be so cool and otherworldly but that’s not the case nowadays and it’s sad. Also why does Force ghost Anakin look better in the 2000’s than it does now? I prefer quality over quantity so I really wish Disney would quit churning out these cheaply made productions and have the audacity to rise their Disney plus subscriptions and not pay their people well.

6.) THE RACISM

I’m so fucking tired of this y’all! 🤬 of course make the Jewish actor in the shipyard be greedy and power hungry. Of course make the Asian Senator the asshole and not any of the white protagonists. The antisemitism and racism against POC is unacceptable to me and it should be unacceptable to you too.

Conclusion

I’m sure I’m missing some talking points but these are my biggest grips and as an Ahsoka fan I���m disappointed. Being a miserable Jedi not Jedi responsible for bringing a new evil into the galaxy but being content being stranded in another galaxy is not the future I believe Ahsoka deserves and I sincerely hope they don’t continue this story. It’s just bad all around. Except for the Loth cats… the Loth cats can stay. And Clone Wars flashbacks.

[mattybstqrn]

𝐈'𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 - 𝐂.𝐖

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝟹𝚡, 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎

Female Reader x Cole Walter

Y/n walked the halls of her school, seeing all the couples made her annoyed, but she was happy that all her friends had Valentines, she had one too, but she couldn't see him because she lived about an hour away from him, now you may be wondering who that guy is, well that guy is Cole Walter.

Y/n and Cole used to go to school together but one day she had to move away, again you may be wondering why and that was because her parents had gotten divorced, she wanted to stay with her dad so she could be with her boyfriend, Cole, but her mom was her best friend and she couldn't handle being away from her so she left Silver Falls and went with her mom, visiting her dad and Cole at least once a month.

The divorce saddened her, but she knew it was coming, they all did.

But what broke her heart even more was that she had to be away from her boyfriend, the love of her life. When she told him, her heart was aching, and she couldn't stop herself from crying.

~lil flashback~

~One Year ago~

Y/n had just gotten the news that her parents were getting a divorce, she was heartbroken, she knew it was coming but she was still sad, especially because her parents made her pick who she had to stay with. 

She of course, went with her mom, she wanted to stay with her dad and boyfriend, but she couldn't live without her mom, so she knew who she had to go with, they Silver Falls next week. She had seven days to spend time with her friends and Cole.

As soon as she made her decision she drove straight to the Walter's house. She didn't know how she'd tell him, and she didn't know she'd be able to get the words out of her mouth without crying, she had driven the whole way there with tears in her eyes.

Once she arrived, she took a deep breath and a few seconds to herself, she wiped her tears, and looked into her review mirror, she looked a mess, but she tried her best to fix herself up, she took one last deep breath and got out of her car.

She rang the doorbell, the door opened to reveal just the person she wanted to talk to, Cole. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming over today," he said, "I'm not complaining though," he added with a shrug, "Actually I wanted to talk to you," she said with a quiet sniffle which made him realize that she had been crying and how puffy her eyes were, "Uh, okay, are you okay?" she nodded in response not wanting to say anything knowing that she'd just choke up.

He came outside and sat down on the bench with her and then she started, "Uh, my parents are getting a divorce," she said as her eyes started to water, "I'm sorry-" he was about to continue but she cut him off, "There's more... my mom is moving and I-I'm going with her," she then started crying, call her a crybaby but she was a very emotional person and she just got bad news and now she would be away from her boyfriend for god knows how long.

"What?" was all he managed to get out, she couldn't even respond she just cried harder which caused him to bring her closer and hold her and comfort her as best as he could. That was one of their last days together for six months.

~End of flashback~

COLE'S POV

Today was Valentine's Day and even though I had a Valentine's who was about an hour away, I was still pissed, I wanted to see my girlfriend and spoil her but I had to wait till the end of the school day, my family knew my plans of driving to my girlfriend so I could see her but my mom demanded that I actually go to school and just wait till the end of the day, but I had different plans.

I told my brothers and cousins that I'd be ditching school to go see my girlfriend, so they'd have to find a ride home, they nodded none of them really caring per usual, and went inside. I however got back in my truck and started driving, I had about an hour plus traffic before I got there.

Y/N'S POV

Meanwhile, you sat in class bored as hell as you tried to pay attention, but you couldn't your teacher was putting you to sleep, and even though you were trying to fight it, it was taking over. 

An hour later, you had decided to skip school for the rest of the day considering how tired you were, so you said goodbye to your friends and started making your way to your car, but you stopped when you saw a very familiar face waiting by your car, with a bouquet of flowers. 

Realizing who it was as you got closer you ran over to him, jumping into his arms out of excitement, practically smushing the flowers in the process, "Sorry," you apologized just in case you hurt him or the flowers, "It's okay," he whispered, "I missed you," you said sighing in relief, "I missed you too," he immediately replied.

You stood like that for a few minutes just you and him, comfortable in his arms before pulling away and asking, "What're you doing here?" you were surprised that he was her, but he handed you the half-smushed flowers before responding, "I came to see you, my beautiful girlfriend, who's lonely on Valentine's Day," you smiled at him.

He smiled back at you, you wanted nothing more than to see him today and here he was, patiently waiting for you by your car, "I love you," you told him placing your hand on either side of his face, you had told each other those three words before but it meant a lot to him right now, "I love you too," 

Pulling you into a kiss, you immediately kissed him back, dropping your flowers in the process, but in your defense, he took you by surprise, you guys continued to kiss as if it would be the last time, which it might've been for a while.

Cole then pulled away and spoke, "C'mon, I have a surprise for you," you looked at him confused.

But Cole had an amazing plan, he had a surprise for her, he knew she'd love it, but you didn't know, and you honestly didn't care what it was as long as you could spend the day with him and be completely unbothered.

The drive was actually shorter than expected, you thought Cole would drive somewhere far but he just drove for about ten minutes to a familiar air b & b, you didn't know what to except but you followed him, "Do you trust me?" 

"Of course," you nodded.

He lead you inside, going to an elevator, stopping on the 5th floor, he lead you to a room, and when he opened the door for, like he had been doing all day he revealed a nice big room decorated with candles and flowers, it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for you.

You were surprised, shock was written all over your face as you looked around admiring everything that you assumed he set up, "Did you do all of this?" you asked with shock and adoration filling your tone, "I had some help," he shrugged, "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" you beamed as you admired everything he did.

"So, I want to officially ask, will you be my Valentine?" you looked up at him, slowly walking over to him, you then wrapped your arms around his neck, he responded by wrapping his arms around you waist.

Placing your hand on his cheek you responded, "I'm yours," it might've sounded cheesy, but you didn't care, it was already true. You are his and he is yours.

He immediately pulled you into a kiss, he was deeply in love with you, and you are deeply in love with him. "I love you," he said in between kisses, "I love you more," you told him.

"I have more surprises for you," he said pulling away, "Oh god, Cole this is more than enough," he shook his head no and lead you over to the bed and sat you down as he reached into the closet and grabbed out a bag.

He handed it to you, nodding at you to open it, you responded with "Fine" and opened it, there was snacks, jewelry, all of your favorite things, he knew you so well.

"I love it, Cole! thank you," he nodded in response, "But I feel bad, I didn't get you anything," you added with sigh, "It's okay, we can worry about that later," he said with a smirk, and you knew exactly what he meant by that, "Sounds good to me," 

He then led you into the kitchen and started cooking your favorite food as you watched him, you wanted to help out, but he assured you that he didn't need help and that today he'd be doing everything for you.

He messed up a little bit and then you made him let you help which he eventually did let you. You guys cooked and then when you were done you sat down to eat your favorite food. 

You guys ate and talked, caught up on everything you guys had missed, which wasn't a lot, but it was fun you guys have an amazing day and when nighttime came you put on a movie until you both got bored and decided to give Cole his surprise 😉.

Y/n and Cole rushed into the room, he was holding you, your arms were wrapped around his waist as he opened the door not bothering to pull away from you as your lips moved in sync, leaving you both breathless.

He held you with one hand as he moved all the decorations off of the bed and onto the floor, then placing you onto the bed, you immediately reached to take off his shirt while he took of your dress, then pulling each other into another kiss which led to him kissing down your neck all the way down to your stomach.

You both saw that you still had your pants and underwear on and went to take them off and then you guys started kissing again, he breathlessly kissed down your neck as you ran your fingers threw his hair in pleasure.

And before you know it, you were on top and you kissed down his eight pack as he squirmed under you trying to stay still, but he was crazy about you and when you touched him, he felt like he couldn't hold himself back from being all over you.

You kissed down his neck and abs and then you know....

[atopfourthwall]

Tbh you lament what people say about you and bemoan "harrassment and bullying". Yet you told RLM to "eat a bag of dicks" unprompted. You said Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them!". You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out, or for giving you simple, solid advice like below. You say youve calmed down in reviews yet still yell at the comic creators over minor stuff. The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison.

Okay, first of all I did not tell RLM to "eat a big of dicks" unprompted. What I said was "Eat a dick, jackass" while talking about the Plinkett Reviews in regards to how parts of them have not aged well, in particular the line that I felt was a bit racist - "Black people don't like Star Wars" (to be clear - I don't think anyone at RLM is racist [AFAIK]. The remark itself feels like it is, though, but that's also emblematic of edgier, wince-inducing internet humor from the time - we're all guilty of awful jokes like this to some degree, myself included). Now I ended up removing this line from the Star Wars Prequel reviews compilation because I realized it was needlessly inflammatory towards them and some perceived it as me attempting to star a beef with them… when of course I don't want to start a beef with ANYONE, much less someone much, MUCH more popular than me.

And no, I did not say Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them" (unless I said this on Twitter a long while ago). I'm assuming this is in reference to a part of the Fallout: New Vegas streams. Someone in the superchats asked a question relating to them and my other guests didn't know who they are. I proceeded to spend all of 40 seconds calmly explaining (though admittedly with a bit of light irritation) "They're other streamers, one of whom apparently does a GREAT impression of me. They're also responsible for popularizing calling me Lightbringer, soooo… screw 'em." That was it. But apparently "screw 'em" was TOO MUCH for a lot of people, because I got flooded with hate from that - videos made about how I was "TRIGGERED!" and "HAD A MELTDOWN!" Because that was one of the first public times I ever talked about how I wasn't okay with the nickname. We'll circle back around to this in a minute.

"You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out-" Aaand right there you prove that you don't actually watch my stuff. You're just repeating the same garbage from people who ALSO don't watch my stuff, but assume I have not changed at all, that I am the same person forever whose opinions don't change, whose attitude doesn't change, never gets better, etc.

Because I haven't been angry at people asking when the next History of Power Rangers is out in ALMOST TEN YEARS.

And the reason I know that number in particular is because I started my Patreon in 2014. The question annoyed me so much because I didn't have an answer for them and it seemed like they didn't care about anything else I did. But then I started my Patreon and one of the Milestone goals was actual release dates for HOPR. And thus since then I've been able to answer when new ones are coming out.

You want to know how NOT angry I am about the question I am now? I put it on t-shirts.

You can buy them at https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr?product=2 and https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr-03?product=2 (I was going to post pictures of them but Tumblr keeps breaking when I try). There's a third one, but I don't think I put that one back up because it was intended for Shark Robot where colors are limited and it didn't do very well.

But this is a thing that's brought up by people who hate me - my irritation at the question as if it was still something that bothered me because, again, they cannot conceive that maybe I've changed. No, I am cringe forever and there is nothing I can say or do that will satisfy them.

But no, I "lecture people constantly" evidently. People say I'm obsessed about this topic, about the bullying, that I just talk about it soooo much and I can't move on from it and it haunts my every waking moment and that such "simple, solid advice" like "Be okay with being bullied" is met with unreasonable hostility and my mind fixated on it constantly.

Unless of course you actually look at what I post, what I reblog, what I tweet about and then you discover "Oh, he actually only talks about it when people bring it up to him. He only made that thread because he said the harassment is starting to rise up again and that was days and days ago and hasn't said anything about it since. In fact, on this very Tumblr he's only bringing it up again because somebody ELSE is bringing it up, allowing him a chance to further break down why asshole behavior is still asshole behavior.

So let's bring this back to the "screw 'em" thing. You'll notice that in none of these longer rambling statements I've made have I brought them up. Sure, in that 40 seconds during the stream I did… but that was in the middle of the first wave of it where it really WAS affecting me psychologically hard… and I have not talked about them on stream since then. I don't talk about them in these threads. I don't tell my fans to harass them. I don't make up some nickname for them or mock them or do anything other than maybe some frustration at them during the thread a few years ago (and I am explicitly telling my fans not do so - if you want to be an asshole to them, you can fuck off from my fans). Because I don't WANT to talk about them. They can do whatever the hell they want on their streams. They can call me Lightbringer there, make weird memes about me. It's THEIR space to do with as they please.

The problem is entirely that their fans come to MY space to be assholes. To repeat those memes, to bully me and call me the name. Some do it innocently, thinking I'm okay with it (which, again - is who that thread was directed towards)… but there are others who are being assholes about it. And I'm going to call them assholes about it and block them. And I'm still not going to talk about Oney because I don't want to - they're not the ones who are spamming Lightbringer in my chat or comments or trying to find some way of sneaking it into the comments past my comment filters to try to get a gotcha on me. Hell, I've gotten some people who have said they discovered me and love my stuff now BECAUSE Oney talked about me.

And I'd really like to know which recent review you saw where I was specifically attacking creators in the manner you seem to think I did. Because being angry at a plot point or a narrative decision is not the same thing as attacking a creator. I'll freely tell you about the ones I HAVE specifically called out for shittiness - the racist, the homophobic, the sexual harassers, the transphobic, the one that spread misinformation, or just the greedy assholes. But just looking at the list of the last 50+ episodes I've done that maybe… once or twice? And even despite ALL those horrible things, I STILL tell my fans to leave them alone - to not start fights with them, to not send my videos to them, etc. Because I don't want my fans to be bullies, either.

I will end this with one final thing: "The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison." Yeah, well, that's because you're you and I'm me. Something that seems innocuous to one person may be deeply triggering for someone else. Something that seems like an innocent joke might actually be really fucking with someone mentally, as it was for me. And that's why I've tried to tell people "Hey, please don't do that." Maybe I do it aggressively. But sometimes that's the only way people will listen. If people are still doing it even after I've expressed how much it harms me - telling me that I should just "get over it" or "let them do it and respond with a laugh" even though I keep saying it DOES affect me, then those people are assholes and I don't see why I should give them the time of day.

Hopefully this lengthy response (I really am a windbag) helps people understand or it clears up some bullshit. And if it's still not good enough for you, then nothing less than complete capitulation to being called Lightbringer is the only thing that will satisfy you… well, fuck off.

[quinnysnursery]

when the party's over,, lil green notebook・₊✧

featuring : little!ben all on his lonesome (not proof read)

divider credit : @the-aesthetics-shop

this work is apart of my frat/college au, find out more about it here.

ben hummed happily, kicking his leg against the air as he sat on his carpeted floor- scribbling away in one of his many notebooks.

this one was special though. it was his regression notebook. it was green (mossy green, to be specific) and spiraled with plenty of stickers decorating the front.

larri had bought it for him after ben came to him in tears because his regressed self had scribbled all over the notes he'd taken during a film history lecture.

it was the first gift that ben had been given just for his regression. sure, it probably didn't cost larri more than 10 bucks but that didn't matter to benjamin. he had mattered enough to larri to make the man use his amazon prime subscription just for a gift.

inside, was nearly 40 pages of any and everything that little ben could think of. some pages had "film reviews" of his favorite disney movies (winnie the pooh, toy story, etc), others had funnily shaped leaves and swan feathers glued onto the parchment that he'd found while wondering famous again.

ben didn't know if it was out of embarrassment or something else, but very few people got to see what he scribbled down inside the notebook. quen saw the most, larri coming in quick second.

currently, he was working on another film review. this one on 'inside out'. little ben's film reviews looked drastically different than big ben's.

the film reviews he wrote while not regressed consisted of multiple long-winded rants about metaphors and symbolism. as well as the looming pressure that it had to be good.

the film reviews he wrote while regressed were nothing like that though. instead, ben wrote about how the movie taught him important lessons and how much he liked the character design. it was a nice change.

sudden slams against ben's dorm door caused him to break his crayon, "ben! let's go! double delta party!" larri's voice called out. ben grumbled, frowning as he sat up- he knew he should've told his friend about his regression plans.

"kay!" ben yelled back with slight attitude, sitting up and grabbing the notebook off the floor and throwing it onto his bed- pulling on his shoes and opening the door to be greeted by an impatient larri.

as the two entered the elevators, ben's fuzzy headspace had already drifted far out of his reach. that was okay though, his green notebook would always keep his headspace perfectly safe.

taglist !! :

@ducklingsandlambs @mattssturnz @littlestar44

@graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch

@sturnsxplr-25 @cherry-red-heart @pr3ttyf4wn @frlinbruh

@jazminepetit-homme @raynaaxx @tyummyz @starri-nightss

@cyberskulzzz @nicksbestie @urfavbestiee @nicksloverrr

@babybatxxx

[cherrys-writings]

Hi :)

Could you maybe write smth where Grayson is hospitalized and Jameson is pretending he doesn’t care (but he does)

A Few Minutes With His Brother

Warnings: Angst, Bodily injury, hurt Grayson

Grayson was catching up with Avery and the bodyguards when he was thrown from his feet, heat searing his shoulder. He landed hard on the cold asphalt with a sickening crack. Grayson tried to push himself up only for blinding pain to force him back to the ground. Ears ringing, he tried to look for Avery. She needed to be safe. Something was dripping into his eyes. Grayson fought to keep them open, he had to make sure Avery was safe, for Jameson’s sake. Blurry figures were running towards him, someone was yelling. Fuck, his head hurt…everything hurt. Grayson wanted to escape the pain for just a second when he let his eyes fall shut.

***********************************

Oren held Avery back while his men rushed to check on Grayson. He was too still. She kept waiting for him to get up and dust off his suit. His pained yelling stopped so suddenly Avery could only assume the worst. She didn’t force herself to stifle her sobs. Grayson was just trying to help her figure out part of the puzzle that was Hawthorne Island. Instead, he got caught up in an attempt to end her life. 

“Stop fighting me so I can let the paramedics through when they arrive,” Oren growled.

“Is he BREATHING?” Avery screamed as Oren hauled her to the bullet-proof SUV. 

One of the men had two fingers pressed to Graysons neck, “Don’t move him,” he said. 

Sirens blared in the distance and Avery could just make out the red flashing lights of the first responders. She tried to open the door. She needed to see for herself that Grayson was breathing, but it wouldn’t budge. Apparently bullet-proof cars come with child locks. 

Avery watched as they put a brace around Grayson’s neck and slowly got him onto a backboard. She didn’t see much else as they loaded him into the ambulance, one of her security team riding along. She watched the firefighters spray water on the ball of flame that was once a jet as the rest of the security team made their way back to the SUV. The one in the passenger seat told Oren what hospital the three ambulances were going to. Avery hadn’t seen the other two injured men, her focus only on Grayson. 

Avery was taken directly to a hotel, despite her protests to go to the hospital. She paced the room as she waited for Oren to return with news. Suddenly, Avery realised she should let everyone know what happened, although someone probably notified them. Still, she got her phone out anyway and called Libby. 

“Avery! Nash just got a call. Something about a bomb on the plane, are you okay?” Libby was on the verge of tears. 

“I’m alright Libs, but…Grayson,” she took a deep breath, “Grayson’s hurt. I don’t know how bad it is; they won’t let me near the hospital.”

There was yelling in the background. “We’re on our way Avery.”

***********************************

Grayson squinted against the too bright lights. He groaned as the pain came flooding back. His head, ribs, shoulder, just about everything hurt. He tried to turn his head, but something wouldn’t let him. A gentle hand was on his shoulder when he tried to sit up. 

“You’re in the hospital. The plane exploded. They say you might need surgery.”

Grayson recognised the member of Avery’s security, but his name eluded him. If that ringing would stop maybe he could remember. 

A nurse walked in, “your c-spine is okay, so we can take that off your neck now. The trauma surgeon is reviewing your scans.”

After she left the room Grayson asked, “where’s Avery?”

“She’s safe, sir.”

The response sounded far away as black dotted his vision again. People around him started moving quickly and his bed was rolling down the halls. He was pulled from one bed to another. Someone was talking to Grayson, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Maybe something about oxygen. He let the darkness overtake him again. 

***********************************

“Maybe he’ll finally be rid of that stick up his ass,” Jameson sneered.

“That’s enough Jamie,” Nash said, striding over to take his brother by the arm. Nash pulled him into the bathroom, practically throwing Jameson inside. “We almost lost our brother and all you can do is make jokes. I know you two had your fights, but this is just sick.”

Jameson rolled his eyes, “Grayson will be awake and bossing everyone around again in no time at all. He’ll walk it off.”

Everyone took turns sitting in Grayson’s room. The second he was stable, they had him moved to Hawthorne House. Believing he would recover quicker if he was at home. Grayson still hadn’t woken up. Jameson wouldn’t stop telling anyone who would listen how quickly Grayson would bounce back, his voice shakier each time. Jameson had taken to sleeping in a recliner beside Grayson’s bed. It had been nearly a week since the bomb, while Grayson continued to improve physically, he wasn’t showing signs of waking anytime soon. Jameson’s attitude turned the third day he was home. He never left Grayson’s room, barely ate, and if they listened closely, they could hear Jamie’s shaky voice telling his brother how much he loved and needed him. That he was lost without his older brother and even though they fight he wants Grayson in his life more than anything. At night, Jameson didn’t stop any tears that fell as he held Grayson’s hand and stared at the sharp lines on the heart monitor, the only indication that his brother was still with him. 

Nash and Xander could barely get Jameson away long enough to take a proper shower. He was always back within a few minutes, hair wet, taking his spot again in the recliner. Avery tried to get Jameson to play chess, but that only upset him more. He and Grayson had learned together after all. Avery had no idea what to do. Jameson had never been this broken up about anything before. She would sit with him by Grayson’s bed, trailing her fingers up and down his arm. Sometimes she could get him to take a few bites of food, but most of the time he would just sip the water she would bring. Avery hated that she couldn’t constantly stay with the two of them. Some nights she would sleep on a cot set up in the room. Other nights she would stroke Jameson’s hair until he fell asleep, one hand resting on Grayson’s bed. 

Something stirred Jameson in the middle of the night. It took him a moment to hear the faint, scratchy voice asking, “Where? Where?”

He could hear the fear creeping into Grayson’s voice and he scrambled to turn on the lamp on a nearby table. Grayson groaned in pain at the sudden brightness. Jameson could hardly believe it; his brother was awake. Grayson’s eyes had finally opened. Jameson sniffled, trying not to tear up just yet.

“Where?”

Jameson rushed back to sit on the edge of the bed, “Home. You’re home Gray.”

Tears streamed down his face as he stared at Grayson. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead to his brother’s. “You woke up.”

Grayson wrapped an arm weakly around Jameson, “It’s okay Jamie. It’s okay now.”

Jameson sat back, it wasn’t okay yet. He had no idea how to begin. How to tell Grayson how afraid he had been. How worried everyone was. He knew he should call the doctor and get Grayson assessed, but he needed a few more minutes with his brother. 

Grayson reached for his brother’s hand, squeezing it as tightly as he could, “I love you too Jamie.”

************************************************************************

I'm slowly but surely getting requests written. Thank you for your patience!

[timothylawrence]

okay. alright. farewell, my turnabout review. this is a long one

shout out to my favorite case to date. I cried about three times. I haven't been this affected by something in so long. I genuinely had to lay down after finishing this up... I know i'm going to forget things but I'll try to remember the jist of it all..... sorry.

-Okay. I'll start with the heart of the game, of the series. Like I said, Maya's quite literally the heart of the game and Phoenix clearly cares for her more than anyone at this point in time. She was barely in this case and my god. I missed her so bad. Everytime she showed up, my heart sank deeper and deeper. I missed her. I love her so much. I cried. Phoenix misses her so clearly... the repeated calls for her to be okay, that he wants nothing more than for her to be okay. We hadn't seen Phoenix that beat up at this point, this distressed, and I felt his panic. It was so well translated. My god.

Like everytime he put his head in his hands i would just get so distraught. the way he cries, he shakes, he literally nearly passes out because she's gone. he risks so much for her. she's his heart man wtf thats his little sister.

-the way the whole gang came together to get her back. I know that's right!! that's the heart of the game for you!!! she's the heart!! she's so loved!!! It was so nice to see the whole gang get together and work together it was so so sweet.

-okay shout out to Gumshoe I've been a fan of his from the start but he has time and time again put his job on the line to help us... and his love and care for Pearl and Maya and Phoenix and Miles... like he's a big softy...

btw i have never had a physical reaction like i did when this popped up. I sat back in my chair and had my hands over my mouth silent for like 40 seconds. i did NOT see this coming so soon. Like i was SHOCKED.

-the case itself was definitely the most stressful yet but i loved it. i loved Adrian, so desperate to tell the story of two awful men who not only used her, but her mentor. like fuck. her story was sad as hell. i was so so scared for Maya the whole time, the flips between her and her capture vs Phoenix's case, the use of Mia, oooohhhhh.... it was so funny too because i told jordan the case before 'are we ever gonna defend someone who's guilty and lo and behold...

-sorry this frame deserves its own . i know phoenix cried his eyes out come on. they love eachotherrrr

-Miles and Phoenix.... can you two just kiss or something... I loved loved angry phoenix... like hes so mad at his friend for leaving him and ugh. their angst was so good. I'm glad he gave Miles the what for. fuck.

??????

-Franziska. Franziska. Franziska. I can't even think of her without getting teary eyed. she lost everything, her father, her chance at redemption/revenge, her purpose. And then Miles did everything in his power to try and mend something but it's just. it's just not so easy. fuck my life. I knew she would hit hard, esp with her relationship with Miles, but man. Man. I got so emotional seeing her cry. Seeing her confess to her brother. the fact she literally saved the day. she showed up at the last moment and saved the day, even if it ruined her perfect streak. and its all because Miles asked her to.

-Phoenix bringing her tulips to the hospital is so fucking cute too btw. also i am so upset we got an injured gumshoe sprite and got an injured franziska... she got shot!!!!!!!

this is so fucking sad. then this girl you left behind. her dad left. miles left. she has no one and nothing. she has nothing left. what is their for her to do?? and miles asks her to not give up. "today you chased after me after i left you behind all these years". theyre such a good good good depiction of child abuse and the kid who got out and who didn't like holy fuck. man. how is anyone normal about them. how.

-also. the role Fran plays to Miles is so similar to the role Maya plays to Phoenix and that is not lost on me. their little sisters were at stake in this case agghhh

ahhh. all in all, def my fav case to date. Franziska and Maya are definitely my faves. and i cant wait to start that next game. good god. perhaps my first ever 10/10 here. whoooo also go listen to merry christmas please dont call its a franziska miles song BYE

[acaplaya-musings]

Geoff Castellucci Carol Of The Bells - thoughts/commentary

Excuse me while I go pick my jaw up from the floor because like MY GOD????

So yeah Peter Hollens' cover has been definitely dethroned in my mind! Geoff has done it again! This feels like the spiritual successor to his God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen cover and I love it so much!

Okay so the thing is that this dropped to Patreon late in the morning last Sunday for me (the day after Zat You Santa Claus appeared on VP's Patreon), when I was about to go out shopping with my mum, so I barely had just enough time to watch it (there was no way I could wait when I saw what the song was!), and thus didn't start typing stuff up until I returned home from shopping (yes, my premiere post was actually typed up after I had already watched the video, but it was still true of my thoughts before I had hit play). And then after I got home, I had other new videos to watch, a Christmas tree to decorate, a dog to walk, etc, and basically it's now nighttime, roughly 10 hours later, that I'm able to watch it for a second time. So I'm gonna do what I did with VoicePlay's Christmas upload, and rewatch it on my laptop while pausing to type up notes on my phone, so I don't forget to mention anything. (And I won't be doing Voiceplay-adjacent visuals for this one, so I'll have thoughts on the video itself here as well).

Review/commentary below the cut!

Love the beginning with the audible crackling from the fireplace! Really helps start to set the mood/vibe right off the bat and draw you in!

One of the Patrons drew attention to the fact that all of the "Geoffs" walk into shot in this one, and actually yeah that's a new thing for Geoff! And I gotta wonder if that was an additional editing challenge for him. It works phenomenally well though - like I didn't even think about it at first really!

Ooh that first piano note with like the background reverb(?) and the strings and stuff, now that sure sets a tone!

Obligatory appreciation for the hair - the grey streak is becoming one of multiple grey "highlights" and I love it. Okay moving on, just had to get that off my chest as per usual!

Oh wow that backing percussion! Almost sounds like a bit of war drums in there? (Seriously, this is basically God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen part 2 and it's THE BEST)

Dang it's close to like a full minute before we get the first proper vocal line (as in proper lyrics rather than humming or stuff) but it doesn't matter because he has me ENTRANCED.

In Geoff's most recent monthly webchat on his Patron, he had told us that there was like a couple or a few good subharmonics in his upcoming song cover, and OH HE WASN'T KIDDING!

"Merry Christmaaaaaaaa..." and that is where my jaw dropped, and basically stayed dropped for most of the rest of the video. SIR!

Okay so like it's a little hard to be sure, due to the heavy reverb effects on the sub (which I personally think was a great addition - makes it more epic!) but like uhhh did he hold that subharmonic for 14 seconds? Like I know he held a B0 sub for 15 seconds in Valhalla Calling, but like still, dude!

And I of course gotta give some love to Tenor!Geoff as well. Geoff is getting so good at using his upper register!

"All seem to say... Throw cares awaaaayyyy..." Case in point! Gosh that was so dang gorgeous!

I honestly wish I had more to say about this cover, because it is phenomenal, but basically I sat through most of that rewatch with a massive grin on my face. That was freaking stunning, and honestly a video I'd be dang tempted to watch year-round, because seriously, wow.

In about half an hour from now, VoicePlay's Zat You Santa Claus? cover will be dropping, and then half an hour after that will be my thoughts/commentary for it! (I swear I had to edit the bottom of both this post and the other one because I predicted Geoff's video to be premiering at some point after VoicePlay's, not before). I'm gonna be doing a couple of posts summarising all the videos we've gotten from both Geoff and VoicePlay this year, because why not, and I'll have them posted at some point before Christmas! Now onto Christmas With VoicePlay!