#got told it was okay but got a second call that they reviewed it again and found something

[raeathnos]

.

[samkerrworshipper]

let me love you | Leah Williamson x Reader

a lot of angst, ending in fluff, themes of eating disorders, depression and alcohol abuse, 5900 words

please keep sending request yall i need something to feed my brainnn

i’m stuck on a blurb for this so basically just what happens after a rough moment in r and leah’s relationship, can they fix it? can they learn to love each other again? the photo i’ve used says it all lol

it’s piecy and i think u can see my sleep deprivation in this one but hope you enjoy!

I’d known going into camp that I was in trouble. That as soon as the team doctor did our pre camp exam that I was going to be fucked. With the extensive weight loss I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was approached but I hadn’t expected it to be the first night.

I’d been lying in my bed, in my room by myself. I was rooming with Keira this camp, but luckily enough she spent most of her time in Lucy or Leah’s room so I didn’t see much of her. I’d had the tv playing in the background, to fill the room with something other than the sound of my breathing and the sound of me scrolling through my phone. Then my little bubble, my perfect barrier that I’d created was broken by the resounding noise of someone knocking at my door.

“Y/n, it’s me.”

Sarina. Fuck.

“It’s open.”

It was probably the polite thing to get up and open the door but I was comfortable in my bed and while Sarina was terrifying I couldn’t see her getting mad at me over something so minor. The door cracked open and I switched the tv off out of respect for the manager who had closed my hotel room door behind her. Her face was unsteady, like she was unsure how to approach the conversation, something that I’d never seen on her.

“You missed dinner.”

“I feel asleep, the jetlag has tossed me around a little bit. I didn’t even realise until I woke up twenty minutes ago.”

It wasn’t a lie, I had travelled an obscene amount in the past twenty four hours. I’d flown from Cabo to New York, then spent 20 hours in New York with Kristie and some of the Gotham girls before getting on a plane to take me to Barcelona, where I’d spent a very short eight hours with Keira and Lucy before we got on a plane to London to bring us to camp. It had been hectic to say the least and had resulted in one of my suitcases being lost and me being in a very lengthy back and forth discussion with British Airways about how my luggage had ended up in Austria and that no, I didn’t have the time to go to Austria to retrieve it.

“I think we need to have a talk.”

Sarina’s foot was tapping nervously at her side, it was her tell, she was about to have a hard conversation that was not going to be easy to go over.

“Okay.”

She nodded at me.

“Meeting room 2, five minutes?”

I gulped, fuck, a meeting room. It had gone from informal to a little bit to formal for my liking. I nodded regardless, too scared to reply in any other way.

“Yes Ma’am.”

As soon as Sarina had left my room I was throwing myself out of the bed to throw on some proper clothes and make myself look a little bit more presentable. I threw on my light blue tech fleece and puffer jacket that we all had and then very haphazardly threw my hair into a greasy high pony. I pushed some mascara through my eyelashes and some moisturiser on my skin before coming to the conclusion that no amount of makeup was going to be able to disguise the purple bags under my eyes. Once I was done making myself look a little bit less dead I picked up my phone and keycard from my bedside table and left the room, making my way down the hallway towards the meeting rooms.

The meeting rooms had a multitude of purposes, zoom calls, skypes, video review, contract signing. Business stuff mainly, not a talk with your coach. That was what had me trembling a little bit as I made my way closer to the meeting rooms. When I got to the door of the second one, the one I’d been told to go to I waited outside of it for a few seconds before lifting my fist and knocking twice on the door. I didn’t have to wait long for a reply, Sarina was at the door opening it for me in a matter of seconds. I stepped into the room quickly, my eyes recognising all the faces in the room.

I was directed to a seat at the table, sitting directly across from Sarina, Leah, Millie and our team doctor. Lucy and Keira were seated on either side of me and the whole vibe of the room was enough to tell me that I was royally fucked.

“We are all here to have an open conversation about your recent medical exam.”

I kept my eyes on my own hands, which were resting on the table, playing with the rings that adorned my hands. I couldn’t look up, couldn’t bear to look into the eyes of a woman who a few weeks ago I had loved so intensely and now couldn’t even think about without crying.

“You're here to tell me that I’ve dropped a dangerous amount of weight considering my normal weight class, that I should get some further tests done even though we know that there is nothing medically wrong with me. We’ll beat around the bush a little bit, try to ignore the fact that we all know that you can’t allow me to play when I’ve dropped this much weight and then you’ll send me home.”

Sarina’s jaw was set firmly, I could make out that much as my eyes darted up to the older woman quickly to catch a look at her facial expression.

“Do you want to die Ms y/l/n.”

I was taken aback massively by the question, because who asks a person that question, especially in this context.

“I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with certain people in the room. I don’t want to die necessarily but living right now isn’t exactly ideal either. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, I’ll admit that, I’m aware. I’ve neglected my body, prioritised other things. I knew walking in here that I’d dropped 2 stone and I wasn’t proud of it. I just went through an intense break up though, I’ve been in Cabo for three weeks, most of which I don’t remember. I know that it’s bad, I know that as an athlete we have expectations but I need some wiggle room, I need you to give me a shot to make this better. Because I honestly believe that in this environment I can fix it, I’ll get the weight back, I’ll get back into therapy or whatever. I’ll give up the bad habits, I just need a period of grace.”

I couldn’t look at Leah, couldn’t let myself out of fear that my brave face would fall and I’d be left in shambles sitting here. I just needed to convince Sarina that I could get my shit together.

She was in front of my brooding for a few minutes, leaving everyone in the room in an awkward silence.

“Everyone out besides Leah and you.”

Fuck.

I watched as everyone else slowly got up, Lucy giving me a reassuring pat on the back before exiting the room.

“I’m giving you both five minutes to explain what the fuck happened between you two, because as much as you both want to make it sound like nothing it isn’t. Everyone can feel it and obviously it's affecting the both of you.”

I still couldn’t look at her, it just hurt.

“Seems like I’m the only one who’s suffering.”

“That’s not true nor fair y/n. Leah’s having her own struggles.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes at the table.

“She’s the one who caused the problems in the first place so I’d call that karma.”

The tension in the room was thick, like a cloud laid over us.

“That’s not fair, you had a part in it as well.”

“I had a part in you kissing Jordan at a party?”

“Jordan kissed me first off, drunkenly, she apologised profusely to both of us when she was sober. You soberly made the decision to kiss fucking Alexia.”

If the tension could have thickened anymore, it did.

“You cheated on me with your ex, I think I can cheat on you with my ex situation.”

“Do you realised how fucked up that whole ideology is? I didn’t want to cheat on you, anyone who was there that night will tell you that I physically pushed Jordan off of me, I didn’t want it to happen. I know it hurts you, but you wouldn’t even hear me out, you didn’t answer my calls or texts. I didn’t know where you went, just heard from Lucy that you’d decided to go abroad for a few weeks and you were turning your phone off. I spent 3 days sitting in Keira’s apartment balling my eyes out because I missed you so much, I haven’t slept properly ever since, I can’t fucking live without you y/n/n.”

Leah was sobbing and it hurt a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I wanted to hug her, wipe the tears from her face and apologise for my stupidity, to make it all better. But I was stubborn as shit and I also hadn’t really forgiven Leah. I hadn’t forgiven myself either.

That night had been the worst one of my life. Seeing Leah making out with Jordan had broken my heart and before I knew it I’d been running out of the bar we’d been celebrating in and calling Ale because she was my person and then she was picking me up and taking me back to my apartment and she was comforting me on our sofa and then we were kissing and Leah was walking in, mascara smeared and tears down her face and then Ale was running out of the apartment. I ended up waiting for Leah to fall asleep before I’d fled. I’d been terrified, my fear response was flight, when I was scared I fled, so that was what I’d done on that godforsaken night.

“I don’t really give a shit who did what. You both fucked up, that’s evident. We have the olympic coming up, Leah you are coming off of an ACL injury and you are going to be our captain, y/n, we need you on top of your game for us to win. I won’t deal with this team being torn into shreds because the both of you are too stubborn to talk about your feelings. Am I understood?”

Both Leah and I nodded meekly at Sarina, the both of us equally terrified of the dutchwoman and the tone of voice she was using towards us, like we were six year olds.

“Y/n, I’ll give you a grace period, two weeks. You’ve got two weeks to show that you can make some improvement in your habits, but there will be conditions if you wish to continue training and playing during those two weeks. You will eat every single meal, with the rest of the team. You aren’t going to work out beyond our team scheduled gym sessions. You will go back to talking to a therapist on a weekly basis. You are going to socialise with your teammates instead of holding yourself up in your room by yourself. You and Leah will room together until you can prove to me that you can be civil. If any of these conditions are broken you will find yourself sidelined, am I understood?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Sarina nodded at me, her blue eyes staring intensely into my own, I was trying to get away from this situation, away from the confrontation that was only bound to get worse the longer Leah and I were stuck in a room together.

“You are free to go, I expect to see you at breakfast tomorrow morning.”

I’d given Sarina a quick nod before bolting out of my seat and straight out of the room. I was pretty sure I’d had the worst 96 hours of my life. My whole body felt like it was on fire, my hair and face were still greasy from all of the airplane travel and my eyes just hurt. I half jogged my way back to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me almost as soon as I’d closed the door behind me. I slowly slid down against the solid wood, this whole situation was so fucked.

Not only did I have to focus on being fucking civil with a woman who I hated, I had to fucking turn my whole life around in a matter of two weeks, which right now seemed pretty fucking impossible. I wasn’t a person who cried very often, I wasn’t in touch with my emotions like that. But right now, fat, warm, wet tears were dripping down my face and my lip was wobbling between my two front teeth trying to suppress the sobs that were coming up from my throat. Love hurt. Loving someone and being loved is one of the hardest things that I’d ever done, because it’s not easy to spend every day loving a person, it fulfilling but it also is so fucking painful.

I could hardly make up the energy to get off the floor, so I didn’t. I sat against the door, crying, shaking and trembling as I let out the feelings that I’d built up for the last month. I was a person who didn’t cry very often, when I was drunk, when someone died, when I was really hurt. That was the extent of my emotional release. Leah was similar, that’s why we’d hit it off, neither of us were over emotional, we didn’t read into things and we didn’t over complicate anything. At the end of the day neither of us had to worry about the other one getting offended by a joke or drunken words. I’d honestly believed we were soulmates, for a long time, but that night had wrecked it all.

Both of us had been stupid, it had been the celebratory night of our win in the Nations League, we’d beaten Spain, it was a big deal. Everyone was completely wasted and I didn’t remember much of the night until Leah had been on the dance floor with Jordan, Chloe, Millie, Rachel and some other teammates and one moment Leah is motioning for me to join me and the next Jordan is making out with her and I’m running out with Lucy following me. Then Lucy called Ale because I’d locked myself in our hotel room ensuite. Then Ale was there and she was comforting me and hugging me and I was pissed off at Leah and then I was kissing Ale and she was telling me no and the Leah walked in to comfort me and it was just a fucking mess of alcohol and emotions.

Just thinking about that night had hurt, I hadn’t let myself in the last month. Not when I’d been in Cabo drinking all day and night, clubbing and partying and spending all of my spare time trying to push my emotions away. Then I’d gotten the call from Sarina, I’d been expecting it but it had still shocked me for some reason. In a matter of 24 hours I’d been packing up all my shit and hopping on a plane back to the one place that I couldn’t have been more desperate to avoid. I’d contemplated turning down the call up, but a call from my agent had told me that I couldn’t expect an invite back if I turned one down now. The Olympics was a big deal as well, it was something that I did want to do but the overwhelming anxiety I had felt being faced with the reality that I was walking into a group of people that worshipped the ground that my ex girlfriend walked on.

My thought pattern was interrupted by the sound of knocking directly above my head. The sound pulsated against the wood and across my body, seeping deep into my bones. It was a resounding knock, loud, echoing across the room.

“Y/n, open up.”

It was the voice that I least wanted to hear at that moment and I tried my hardest to ignore it but the sound of the knocking repeating made it harder.

“Y/n/n, c’mon, open the door, I know you're in there.”

It was the nickname that only she called me, a nickname I hadn’t heard in a month and it hurt my soul hearing it. It made fresher tears fall from my eyes that I rubbed at furiously with the sleeve of my jumper. I wiped as much of the smudged mascara and tears from my face, I knew subconsciously that my eyes were red and puffy and Leah would one hundred percent be able to tell. For my dignity though I rubbed it all from my face before standing up and opened the door.

Before I could say anything Leah had slipped past me and into the room, making herself at home and sitting down on Keira’s bed, resting herself at the very top so she was leaning against the headboard. I pushed down any thoughts that I had about Leah being in the same position in our own bed, except with a lot less clothes covering her body.

“You’ve been crying.”

It wasn’t a question, a statement, but it held a question in it somewhere. Leah wasn’t used to me crying, so the fact that I was crying was probably a little bit of a shock to her.

“What do you want?”

Leah pouted at me, sarcastically, it pissed me off how confident she was when I felt like I was tearing at the seams.

“In case you didn’t remember, we’re roomies now. I wanted to talk, I think we both have stuff we need to get off of our chests. I love you y/n/n and I’m worried about you.”

“Go worry about Jordan.”

I was leaning against the dresser, trying my hardest to keep my shit together in front of the woman that was making me feel so many things that I had been denying myself for a month.

“That’s fair, but also not necessary. I didn’t kiss her y/n, I didn’t even get as close as a metre’s distance from her, anyone there could tell you that. I pushed her off me. So yes, she kissed me, without my consent or my desire for her to do so. I love you, not her. I promise you that. She means nothing to me beyond being my friend, I don’t love her.”

I didn’t really know what to say. Leah wasn’t really the root of my anger, because I knew that it had been Jordan all over Leah, and at the end of the day she’d come to my room that night to apologise instead of going back to Jordan’s, I was her priority.

“She loves you, and I can’t do anything about that. That hurts and I know that it shouldn’t, I have no right to be jealous but it hurts.”

Leah looked contemplatively at me, like she was trying to understand what I was saying but knew that she couldn’t really.

“Do you love Alexia?”

I gulped, that was a fucked up question that I didn’t have a answer for. My immediate silence gave enough context to that.

“That’s not a fair question.”

I was deflecting and also furiously toying with a loose thread on the edge of my jumper.

“I think I deserve to know if the woman I love loves me the same way.”

It was hard hearing those words come out of her mouth as well.

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t love her. I dated her for six years, I thought I was going to marry her. I don’t love her like I loved you. We broke up because we couldn’t love each other that way. It was a surface relationship, but we both knew at the end of the day that we couldn’t get married or have kids or get old together, we didn’t love each other like that. We didn’t have a messy break up, I didn’t have a phase where I hated her and I wanted nothing more than to be away from her. We just stopped physically loving each other. She’s still my person Leah, you know that. I regret kissing her, I was so drunk and I was so fucking upset and she was so familiar to me in that moment. So maybe I do love her, in some fucked up way, but I don’t love her long term. She’s not the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life loving, not the person that I want to wake up next to, not the person that I want to write vows for, not the person that I want to be with every minute of every day. I don’t yearn for her.”

I realised now that there were tears in Leah’s eyes, which shocked me a little. Leah never cried, I could count the amount of times I’d seen her properly sob on one hand. Four times. When we won the Euros, when she did her ACL, when she woke up from ACL surgery and that night when it had all happened. Apart from that she was a brick wall, she wore a facade everyday, that very little people got to see broken down. I considered myself very grateful to have been able to see past it, to see the side of Leah that not a lot did. She’d let a stray tear go every once in a while, but proper crying, proper emotional, vulnerable crying was very rare to see.

“Do you love me long term?”

“Leah, that's not a fair question either.”

Tears were running down Leah’s face, similar to the tears that had been falling down my face less than five minutes ago.

“It's not fair? I’ve been here for the last month y/n, wondering if we still stand a chance. Wondering if you still love me, wondering if I should wait around for you? I want to know if you still love me as much as I love you.”

I could feel more tears coming to my eyes, Leah was sitting not even three metres away from me and yet it felt like we were oceans apart.

“I don’t know. Does it really matter?”

Leah was wiping at her face, she detested vulnerability and it was clear in her actions.

“Does it matter? Y/n/n, I am trying to figure out if I am going to spend the rest of my life fucking mourning losing the love of my life. I want to know if I stand a chance, if there is something here that we can salvage, something here that we can try and fix. I will spend everyday making it up to you if I have to, anything you need us to do I am down to do it.”

I shifted from toe to toe in my spot standing, Leah’s words were so genuine, they had so much power over me, sent shivers down my whole body.

“I love you. I love you enough though to tell you that I’m a fucking wreck, some of it’s because of this, some of it is just me. Leah I’m trying to fucking sort myself out now and I love you but I’m not going to tell you that your my priority right now, I love you but I also am trying to learn how to love myself and I’m also trying to learn how to love my sport again.”

Leah pursed her lips, wiping the last of her emotional admission tears from her face. She looked so raw, her blonde hair was thrown up in a messy high bun, an unusual look for her, her face was stripped bare of any makeup and her jumper looked a tad bit too big on her. She looked stripped, stripped of her dignity, stripped of her facade, stripped of everything that made her Leah motherfucking Williamson. I wasn’t looking at England’s captain, I wasn’t looking at Arsenal and England’s world class defenders. I was looking at just Leah. The Leah who would wake me up with forehead kisses every morning, the Leah who would give me foot massages after a rough training, the Leah who would only look at me in a room full of people.

“I’ve worried about you so much that I started to get scared I was praying. You took off and I didn’t know with who or where. I mean I know that I fucked up but y/n/n, we could have talked it out, or we could have tried to. You fled and you didn’t even give me a goodbye. I didn’t know if we were done or if I was ever going to see you again and it fucking broke me. I stayed in bed for a week, I didn’t eat, I didn’t leave. Keira and Lucy literally had to drag me out of bed to get me to do anything. I cried, non stop for a week, it was horrible and I felt like shit. Then Lucy got Alexia to come over and we talked it out and she told me that she didn’t mean for it to happen and all she wanted was for us to be happy and it broke me because how am I supposed to be happy when the woman I love is nowhere to be seen.”

A sob echoed from her chest and it broke my heart, because I hated seeing Leah in pain, I hated seeing her hurt. When she’d done her ACL it had been the most gut wrenching thing I’d had to witness. The only difference was that now I was the source of pain and it hurt ten times more.

I pushed myself off of the dresser and towards the bed. Leah’s head was buried in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees as her palms rubbed furiously at her eyes. I sat down onto the bed and pushed myself up against the headboard beside her, putting one of my arms down on her shoulders and gently nudging her head into my neck. It was uncharted territory but also felt so familiar and right. Hearing Leah’s sobs hurt my soul, but my contact seemed to calm her a little bit. She flinched away initially, unsure but then she was seeking it out, leaving into me and everything about it felt right.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for what happened with Jordan, I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel loved, I’m sorry if I didn’t treat you well enough, I’m sorry if I’m not good enough. I’m trying to work on it, I’m trying to be better,” I stopped Leah before she could say much more.

“It’s not your fault Leah,” My voice came out with exasperation, because I hated that Leah felt that way,

“You made me feel loved everyday, you treated me perfectly. You are perfect Leah, you were a perfect girlfriend, a perfect captain, a perfect person. We had our moments but you are a good person, you don’t need to be better. I’m the one who can’t fucking handle herself, who had to flee the country when it got rough and I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that I ran when it got hard.”

Hearing Leah hiccup on her breath was so painful for me, painful enough that I reached my hand down to her face to try and wipe some of the tears off of her cheeks.

“C’mon, you're too pretty to be crying.”

It was a weak compliment that died with the mood of the room, Leah let out a depressing laugh that honestly just made it all worse but her sobs did quieten down a little bit and I noticed that the tremors that were haunting her whole body had slowed down and had become less of a repetitive pattern.

“You haven’t been eating, you lost two stones, did I do that to you?”

Leah’s voice was so shaky, so insanely innate for her.

“Me not eating has nothing to do with you and I won’t have you taking the blame for it. Not everything is your fault Leah and you don’t have to take the blame for it all. I know how your brain works, that you are going to take the blame for everything that has happened between us, but it’s not your fault, a lot of it is mine, my eating habits though have nothing to do with you.”

My voice was a mixture of steady and stern, I had a point to get across and I needed Leah to understand that, I needed her to know that. She wasn’t as fearless and brave as she constantly tried to prove to anyone, she was always the first to blame herself for anything, always getting down on herself and I knew that, I knew that Leah could send herself into a downward spiral.

She pulled her head out of my shoulder and locked eyes with me, her dark brown eyes felt like they were violating me, I felt like I was naked under her gaze, like I was so incredibly vulnerable.

“Why haven’t you been eating?”

I felt like I was under a magnifying glass, like Leah could see every single part of me and could see into my brain. She always worried about me, always. To the point where sometimes it was concerning, I had as much as a sniffle and she was doting over me like my mother.

“I’m fine Lee.”

“If you were fine you wouldn’t have lost two stones.”

She could read me too easily and she knew that I was pretty much putty in her hands as soon as she started talking.

“It got dark for me when I left, I needed to leave but then I was gone and I realised that I was so alone and I was partying to try and avoid my feelings and it worked but you know how I am when I’m depressed, I stop eating, I stop functioning. I lived off of alcohol for three weeks and then I got the call from Sarina and for the first time in three weeks I was completely sober and it hit me like a freight train. I realised how bad it had gotten and I was in shambles.”

Leah nodded at me, she knew how I worked, knew that when I was starting to spiral I tended to push it all down until it got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown.

“You need to eat, we need you playing, I need you on the field. It broke my heart when Sarina came and told me, when she asked me if I’d seen any of the warning signs or if I’d noticed and I couldn’t give her an answer.”

I brought my hand back up to rest on Leah’s face, she was still shaking, still hiccuping with every word that she said. I pushed the tears that were pooling on her face away with the pad of my thumb.

“I couldn’t even tell her anything.”

Leah’s words were thrown out between choken sobs and hiccups, it was so strung out and painful that I felt it in my chest.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, I’m sorry I deserted you. I’m so sorry I hurt you Lee, you deserve better, you deserve someone who has their shit together.”

Leah pulled herself out from beside me and scooted herself so she was sitting in front of me, between my legs looking at me directly.

“I want you though, I want to love you and I want you to let me.”

I couldn’t do much more than look at her, look at her eyes, look at how heartbroken they were. They were full of so much pain, so many sleepless nights and a part of me wanted to fix some of that.

“Let us be happy, let all of this devastation come to an end and just let us be happy. We’ll work through what happened, we can try therapy, or something else. I want you though y/n/n, I want you forever and I don’t want us to give up on that because of some stupid shit that happened when we were drunk.”

Those fucking eyes, they held the sun and the moon, they had the power to make me do anything.

“I want to try, for us. I still think that you are my forever Leah. I just don’t want either of us to get hurt in the process.”

“Love hurts, we work through it. Please just try it for me.”

Her lip was wobbling in between her teeth and it took every single piece of self control I had to not take that lip in my own and just kiss the woman like I wanted to.

“Okay.”

Leah’s face lit up almost immediately, like a kid in a candy store. She leant in towards me, her lips hovering centimetres away from my own and her eyes looking into my own and it took literally every piece of my self control not to initiate anything.

“Is this okay?”

Leah’s voice was calmer this time, less rough on the edges, less broken. I nodded eagerly at her and relaxed into her body as she pressed her lips to mine. It was soft, tender, relaxing, so perfect.

“How about this?”

It was murmured against my lips, a small smirk forming along Leah’s lips.

“So good, but I think we are both overdue for some sleep.”

Leah frowned against my lips but nodded, we were both tired and it was obvious in our actions. She plopped herself down next to me, relaxing into my body and laying her head against my chest.

“Flick the lamp of love.”

The term of endearment sent a shiver down my back, it was so normal and yet so shocking to me. I obeyed her immediately, turning over to the bedside lamp and flicking it off so we were left in the dark. I shrugged my jacket off before relaxing down into the pillow. Leah shifted around for a few seconds, finding a comfortable spot on my body before stilling herself. She looked so small curled up against me, I tugged her hair out of its bun and rubbed her roots just the way I knew she liked me too and rubbed her back the way I knew sent her straight to sleep. It probably took not even a minute before Leah’s body relaxed fully and her breaths evened out and when they did I smiled a little bit looking at her exhausted form. I leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before relaxing myself fully against the pillows and preparing myself for my own sleep.

“I love you Leah, always.”

[cheynovak]

Between Power and Freedom

Part 4

Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N Shurley Female character     

Summary: Y/N, the ambitious daughter of a powerful CEO, grapples with her father's choices, while she secretly takes a job with Dean Winchester, the rugged CEO of a rival company. Sparks fly between Y/N and Dean as they navigate their growing attraction amid corporate rivalry and family pressure.

Warnings: This story will contain parts that are 18+!

English is not my first language 

*Please do not copy my work, reblog/comments/likes are appreciated* 

I walked into Dean’s office, a mix of anticipation and nerves swirling in my stomach. “Dean? You wanted to see me?” I called out, but the room was eerily silent.

As I stepped further inside, I felt a sudden rush of warmth as hands unexpectedly pulled me back against a strong frame. My breath hitched as I recognized Dean’s scent, a mix of vanilla and bourbon, something distinctly him.

His lips brushed over my neck, sending shivers down my spine, and before I knew it, he was unbuttoning my blouse just enough to slip his large hand inside, igniting a fire within me.

“I’ve been craving you,” he whispered, his voice deep and husky. The way he said it made my heart race, and I could feel the heat radiating between us.

In an instant, he turned me around, pushing me onto his desk as he crawled on top of me. I offered my body completely, surrendering to the heat of the moment, feeling alive in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

But just as our lips meet, I jolted awake, the harsh sound of my alarm cutting through the intoxicating haze of the dream. I sat up in bed, my heart pounding, the remnants of the fantasy still swirling in my mind.

“What’s wrong with me?!” I exclaimed, burying my face in my hands. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and I couldn’t believe I had just dreamt about having sex with my boss on his desk. I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts away, but they clung to me like a second skin.

I got out of bed, desperately trying to distract myself. I splashed cold water on my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. “It was just a dream,” I told myself, but I could still feel the echoes of Dean’s lips on my skin and the heat of his body against mine.

--

As I got ready for work, I couldn't shake the lingering feelings from the dream. I knew I had to face Dean today, and the thought both excited and terrified me. Would he notice how flustered I was? Would I be able to act normally around him after that dream?

With every passing minute, the tension built. I arrived at the office, my heart racing, trying to focus on my tasks. But every time I heard Dean's voice or caught a glimpse of him, my mind flashed back to the dream.

Finally, I found myself outside his office again, taking a deep breath before I knocked on the door. “Come in,” his voice called, and I opened the door, stepping inside.

Dean was sitting behind his desk, reviewing some papers. He looked up, and his gaze met mine, that familiar warmth in his eyes making my stomach flutter. “Hey, Y/N. Thanks for coming in. I wanted to go over some things for the upcoming project,” he said, gesturing for me to take a seat.

I nodded, trying to maintain my composure. “Of course, what do you need me to do?”

As we started discussing the project, I did my best to focus on the conversation, but my mind kept drifting back to that dream. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks every time I looked at him, and it was maddening.

Halfway through the meeting, Dean leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “You okay? You seem a little distracted today.”

I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind, I guess.” His brow furrowed slightly, as if he could see through my facade. “If you need to talk about anything, I’m here.”

I bit my lip, caught between wanting to confide in him and the embarrassment of what was still fresh in my mind. Instead, I managed a small smile. “Thanks, Dean. I appreciate it.”

As we continued our discussion, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had any idea of the thoughts racing through my mind or the dream I’d had about him... here... on this desk. And as the tension hung in the air, it became increasingly clear that whatever this was between us was far from over.

After Dean explained all the details of the project, he leaned back in his chair, his gaze focused on me. “I need you to run the numbers and see what budget we can come up with,” he said, handing me a few documents.

I accepted the task, standing up to leave, but just as I turned to walk away, I felt his voice stop me in my tracks. “Eh, Y/N… about last night,” he began, his tone serious. “Are you… ok? Is everything ok between us?”

My heart raced at the mention of the kiss, the heat creeping back into my cheeks. I shrugged it off, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Why?”

He stood up, crossing over to the other end of his desk, and leaned against it, studying me closely. “You’re acting different,” he noted, his brow furrowed with concern.

I took a deep breath, the weight of my personal life pressing down on me. “It’s just… my dad, and I haven’t been sleeping well for a long time,” I admitted, hoping my vague explanation would suffice.

Dean nodded, his expression softening, and I felt a flicker of relief. I turned again, ready to leave, but he called out once more. “Hey, one more thing. I’m meeting with investors for lunch tomorrow. Normally Bobby joins, but… would you mind coming instead?”

I was caught off guard by the request, my heart skipping a beat. “Uh, yeah, sure,” I stammered, surprised at how quickly I agreed. “Just send me an email with the details, and I’ll be there.”

He smiled, a hint of relief washing over his features. “Thanks, Y/N. I really appreciate it. I think it’ll be good for you to meet them.”

“Of course,” I replied, my mind racing at the implications of the lunch. Would this be another opportunity to get to know him better? Or would it be another reminder of the tension lingering between us?

As I walked back to my desk, I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. Meeting investors was a big deal, and the thought of being by Dean’s side in that environment sent my heart racing. I had to remind myself to keep it professional, despite how my mind kept wandering back to that kiss.

The rest of the morning dragged on as I prepared for the meeting, running the numbers for the project and trying to clear my head. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the lunch would change everything.

When Dean finally sent me the email with the details, I glanced over it quickly. The meeting was set for noon at a fancy restaurant downtown.

--

I dressed carefully, wanting to look professional yet approachable, knowing that first impressions mattered, especially in front of investors.

As I arrived at the restaurant, I spotted Dean waiting by the entrance, looking sharp in his fitted suit. He caught my eye and smiled, his expression warm yet slightly nervous.

“Hey, you made it,” he said, a hint of relief in his voice. “Wouldn’t miss it,” I replied, trying to mirror his enthusiasm.

As we walked inside, he whispered in my ear "You look amazing." I felt a mix of nerves and excitement. This was a chance not just to impress the investors but to show Dean that I was capable and confident, despite the unspoken tension between us.

The lunch was filled with discussions about the company’s future, projections, and strategies. Dean handled the conversations with ease, his charisma shining through as he spoke. I chimed in when necessary, feeling more at ease with every passing moment.

But even in the midst of business talk, I couldn’t help but catch the way Dean glanced at me occasionally, as if he was gauging my reactions, or maybe searching for something more beneath the surface.

As dessert arrived, the conversation shifted slightly. One of the investors leaned back in his chair, eyeing me curiously. “So, Y/N, how do you feel working for Dean? Must be interesting to be under such a charismatic leader,” he said, smirking slightly.

I felt my cheeks flush, and I shot a quick glance at Dean, who was watching me intently. “It’s been great,” I said, keeping my tone light. “I’m learning a lot and enjoying the challenges.”

Dean chimed in, a grin on his face. “She’s been a tremendous asset to the team. Couldn’t do it without her.”

I could feel my heart flutter at his words, a warmth spreading through me. The way he spoke about me, with genuine respect, made it hard to focus on anything else.

After the meeting wrapped up and the investors began to leave, I turned to Dean, a sense of accomplishment washing over me. “I think it went really well,” I said, my excitement bubbling over.

Dean nodded, a proud smile on his face. “You handled yourself like a pro. I knew I could count on you.”

As we exited the restaurant, the tension from before still lingered, but it felt different now—charged with potential. I glanced up at him, my heart racing, and for a moment, the world around us faded away. Would today be the day we finally addressed what had happened between us? Or would we keep pretending like it hadn’t?

As we reached the sidewalk, Dean turned to me, his expression serious yet inviting. “Y/N, about the other night…” I took a breath, my heart pounding in my chest. “Yeah?”

“I just want to say… I don’t want things to be weird between us. We can talk about it, you know,” Dean said, his expression serious but soft. I raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk on my lips. “You know you’re making it awkward by bringing it up, right?”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, fair point. How about we celebrate instead? Drinks on me?”

“Sure, why not.” I replied, eager to shift the atmosphere.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere more fun,” he said, his voice a little slurred but his intentions clear. He took my hand, leading me out of the bar and down a dimly lit street until we arrived at a high-end underground pub.

“This is my go-to place when I need time alone,” he admitted, glancing at me with a hint of vulnerability. “I feel honored to have you here with me.”

I smiled, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. The pub was intimate, with plush seating and a cozy atmosphere, and as we settled into a corner booth, I felt like we were in our own little world.

One drink turned into two, then three, and before long, we were at our sixth, both of us laughing and sharing stories like old friends.

With every drink, Dean seemed to grow more animated, his usual charm becoming increasingly flirtatious. I found myself giggling at his jokes, the alcohol loosening any tension I had felt earlier.

Dean became more flirtatious with each passing moment, leaning closer, his knee brushing against mine. I leaned in, enjoying the way the lightness of the alcohol made everything feel easier, more carefree.

“So, what’s the real reason you keep me around?” he teased, a playful glint in his eyes. “You must have some ulterior motive.”

“Maybe I’m just keeping you here for the free drinks,” I shot back, grinning.

“Oh, so you admit it?” he laughed, his voice low, making my heart race. The chemistry between us crackled like electricity, and I leaned in even closer, lost in the moment.

Just then, Dean’s lips were so close to my ear that I could feel his warm breath against my skin. “You know, I really enjoy spending time with you, Y/N,” he whispered, his tone sending shivers down my spine.

But just as the air became thick with anticipation, the front door swung open, and in walked Jo. My stomach dropped as I watched her scan the room, her gaze landing on us.

“Dean!” she called out, making a beeline for our table. "Why are you here and not at home!?"

Dean’s expression shifted from playful to awkward as he straightened in his seat, suddenly all business. “Uh, just having a celebration drink with Y/N,” he said, attempting to sound casual, but the tension was palpable.

Jo looked between us, her eyes narrowing. “Right. Because that’s all you’re doing,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as she continued to stand there, making a scene. “Is this how you spend your time while I’m at home?” she shot at Dean, her tone accusatory.

“Jo, chill. We’re just having a good time,” Dean replied, annoyance creeping into his voice.

“Oh, so now it’s ‘just a good time’? That’s rich,” she snapped, crossing her arms. The atmosphere at our table shifted dramatically, and I could feel my heart sinking.

“Jo, it’s not like that,” Dean said, his tone firm, but I could see the tension in his shoulders.

I glanced between them, feeling like an intruder in a battle I didn’t want to be part of. “Maybe I should go,” I suggested quietly, trying to diffuse the situation.

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” Jo insisted, glaring at me. “You’re the one trying to take him away from me.”

“Take him away from you? Jo, that’s not what’s happening,” I replied, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. I didn’t want to fight with her.

Dean sighed, running a hand over his face in exasperation. “Can we not do this here? This is supposed to be a fun place,” he said, his voice strained.

“Fun for who?” Jo retorted, her eyes flashing with anger. “You’re just making a fool of yourself, Dean.”

I looked at Dean, my heart aching for him. He didn’t deserve this, and I could see how uncomfortable he was becoming. “Maybe we should just talk later,” I suggested gently, wanting to give him a chance to breathe.

“Yeah, maybe that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice low and resigned. Jo huffed, clearly not satisfied with that response, but Dean’s eyes met mine, a silent plea for understanding passing between us.

I nodded slowly, my heart heavy as I stood up from the table. “I’ll see you at work?” I said to Dean, trying to keep my voice steady. “Yeah, definitely,” he replied, though the spark that had ignited between us felt extinguished in the wake of Jo’s arrival.

As I walked away, I could feel Jo’s eyes on my back, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t over. The night that had begun so promisingly had turned into a tangled web of emotions, leaving me feeling lost and uncertain.

Outside, I took a deep breath, hoping that when I spoke to him later, we could figure things out.

But deep down, I knew that the complications were only just beginning.

--

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[mydearneteyam]

AS IT RAINS ;; TEYLAN

summary ;; just one look is enough to want to learn more.

pairing ;; teylan x gn!na'vi!reader

warnings ;; none

word count ;; 0.8k

word of the day ;; nume [ˈn·u.m·ɛ] vin. learn

"Yes, I-I know, I'm sure I know it's name!" you heard Teylan's voice along with a soft laughter from Ri'nela. As you entered HQ you came upon two familiar faces. From the tablet in the female's hands you could guess that she was trying to see if Teylan knew the names of the pictures. Priya told you they were 'memory games' to get the younger Sarentu to get used to Pandora a little more. Behind Teylan's back you folded your arms, waiting for him to speak.

"Well?" smiled Ri'nela, giving you an amused look. The capped one scanned the image in front of him and clapped his hands.

"It's a Whipfang Crawler!" he exclaimed. You gave a couple of soft claps, making him jump in fright and turn to look at you.

"Tslikxyu Txumtem" you corrected. "But very good. I see you've made progress" you sat down next to him, swinging one of your legs over the couch. The girl extended the tablet to you.

"I got eight out of ten right, but the names in Na'vi are still… complex for me" you listen to him at the same time he receive the device, reviewing the earliest pictures.

You remembered a couple of words from Dr. Alma, who had explained to you that Teylan was the most attached to English and in itself, to human practices or customs.

"You're on the right track." you pointed out to him, noticing the boy's face light up all over, happy to have approval, you could guess.

"I have to go. Nor has asked me to help with something." indicated Ri'nela, holding onto your shoulder and carefully, you placed your hand over hers, smiling.

"That's alright. I can go on. I'm a great teacher" you laughed, making Teylan's tail wag anxiously as he noticed how you took the tablet from him and set it down on the couch.

"Are we gonna keep studying?" he asked, to which you stood up, holding out your hand.

"Outside. We are going to study outside" you indicated.

…

"Look, look, a Helicoradian!" Teylan smiled, approaching the plant excitedly, touching it and noticing how it retracted. It had been a while since both of them had left the place and for now, it has been good. Very good.

"And in our language, what is it called?" you asked, keeping up with him. Teylan made a grimace that you found amusing, where he also shrugged, hoping he was right.

"Tawtsngal?" you denied. "Ah, Loreyu!" now you nodded.

"Tawtsngal, 'the plant of love' according to humans… it's from another area" you remember, looking down at your feet as you walked. Suddenly, the sound of some branches and something falling made you raise your head. Teylan frowned and before he could bring his hand to his cap, you stopped him.

"Kali'weya…" now, he didn't remember that name at all, but when he noticed that from his cap dangled something similar to what Nor once caught, similar to a scorpion, his eyes snapped open, terrified.

"Wha...what do I do?" he asked, almost freaking out. Carefully and with only the tip of one of the arrows you had, you received it, pulling it out of Teylan's cap and setting it down on a log.

"They can sting" you said, now taking his face onto your hands and examining to see if something else hadn't landed on his hair. The closeness was such that the boy's tail once again swayed vigorously and anxiously. When you noticed his ears tilted back, you released him, with your cheeks flushing. "I'm sorry, I thought something else had fallen."

Teylan shook his head, embarrassed. "It's okay…" he pressed his lips, starting to turn around. You were just about to suggest to come back at HQ if he wanted, but when you felt drops of water fall to your face you smiled.

"Let's stay here for a while, please" you took his hand before he managed to walk away. Although that action even surprised you, you didn't want to avoid physical contact between both.

The Sarentu looked at you for a few seconds. Your hair was beginning to be adorned by the raindrops and the bio-luminescence of the trees was beginning to glow behind your figure, thought your freckles were too. Your nose wrinkled every time the water hit your face, but you kept smiling.

"You are a blessing…" he said, with a low tone. You turned to look at him and he tried to walk away again, embarrassed. "Sorry, sorry!"

"Syawn, blessing. Rain is a blessing" you nodded with a serene face, oblivious to the context of what he said. "You get it right, well done. We can go back now" you let go of his hand, but he took it again with purple cheeks.

"I want… to learn more"

You noticed that the rain became heavier, but his grip, for the first time, was resolute.

"As you wish".

a/n ;; i had an idea for a series for so'lek but mmmm- and i repeat, people, if i make a mistake please correct me, english isn't my first language and i'm insecure.....

[magnifythesun]

Hi! Are you still taking ianthony prompts? I've had this stuck in my head the time Ian's car broke down and Anthony said he begged Ian 6 times to come pick him up and I just imagine Damsel in Distress Ian who's also stubborn and a bit oblivious to a worried and protective Anthony who's always there for him in different situations.

Thank you sooo much for the prompt!!

This is definitely one of my favorite little details that they've dropped about themselves haha!! I can't believe Anthony had to ask Ian SIX whole times just to come get him 😂 Ian truly must never ask for help! Okay, I'm a little rusty in my writing but I'm excited so let's see how this goes! Let me know what you think! ^_^

(mid writing notes: writing this really made me realize just how many times SIX whole times of asking your friend to let you give them a ride is. SIX TIMES)

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56102110

--

Leave it to Ian to get stranded in the only 'middle-of-nowhere' spot in LA. Anthony was wearing tracks into his living room carpet, caught up in rereading the messages Ian had sent.

"Car broke 😢" was the first sign of trouble, accompanied by the sad photo of Ian's car half-pulled off of the asphalt into grass.

"Where are you?" Anthony had shot back, confused by the seemingly rural background of the photo. "Got AAA coming to help?"

"In the most barren part of the whole city." Ian replied after a couple of minutes. "I'm taking a look at at it now but yeah I'm probably going to call them. Car sounds fucked."

"Shit, man. Lemme know if you need a ride" Anthony offered. It only took a second for the reply.

"No worries, I'll be good."

There had been radio silence for a while then. Anthony hadn't been too stressed. He figured Ian already had a different person lined up to get him if his car didn't start back up. Still, he kept glancing at his phone for updates that didn't come.

After about forty minutes, and a quick glance at the clock that told him it'd be getting dark soon, Anthony texted Ian again.

"Triple A fix your car?"

The response was prompt. "Nope"

Anthony stared at the message, knowing this man did not just send him only the word 'nope.' It took a minute but more followed.

"The AAA guy's still looking at it but from what I can tell it's beyond his scope. He mentioned I should probably call a tow truck so I've been looking at reviews."

Anthony glanced outside his window, frowning at the rapidly darkening sky. "That sounds like a good idea. after you call whoever, I can drive over so you have a ride once they've towed yours"

Ian responded quickly, "No don't worry I'm all good."

Definitely must have a ride then, Anthony thought. Still, he had to make sure. "Oh good, you've got a ride then?"

There was a long pause, so Anthony set his phone down, glancing at the setting sun again and went to get some water from the kitchen.

Coming back in to his phone, he checked his messages, and-

"No, I'll probably just Uber."

Anthony was flabbergasted. "Why?? Don't worry man it's no problem for me to pick you up. Let me know where you're at." It was actually just straight up dark outside at this point. "Is the AAA guy still there??"

"Nah he's gone. Waiting on the tow truck."

Alone in the middle-of-nowhere Los Angeles? Anthony thought, In the dark? Worry flared up in his chest and the pacing began.

"Ian, just drop me your map pin and I'll head over."

"It's chill, I'm not in a rush to get home." Ian replied, not a care in the world.

Anthony resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. "that's not really the point??"

Suddenly a picture was loading in on the messages.

Anthony braced himself for a lackadaisical gif (and yes, he pronounced it jif like god and the creator intended) but was greeted instead with a horrendous selfie of Ian holding the phone at an angle an inch from his chin, smiling at him. The artificial light from his phone lit up the interior of his car behind him. Anthony couldn't help but laugh, even as the worry churned in his stomach. Another message followed.

"Don't worry. I'm a big boy now, all grown up and everything."

Anthony considered wracking his brains for a daddy joke, but decided Ian didn't deserve it right now. He grabbed his keys and wallet, flicked off the living room light, and left, locking his door behind him. As he walked toward his car, he jabbed the call button.

It rang only twice before Ian picked up. Anthony heard him take a breath to speak and didn't give him a chance. "Ian, just tell me where you're at, I'm heading to my car now."

"I-" Ian sounded surprised. There was a moment of rustling on the other end, then Anthony was clearly put on speaker as Ian's voice echoed slightly through the call. "Anthony, really, it's fine. The tow truck people have an ETA of like 15 minutes and then I'll call the Uber while they're hooking the car up."

Anthony, now at his car, pressed his eyes closed for a second in annoyance as he clicked his key. He hoped Ian could hear the pointed little beep-beep of his car unlocking in response.

"You really don't have to go out of your way to come get me," Ian continued, undeterred. "I didn't mean to derail your whole night with this," He laughed.

Anthony got in the car and leaned his head on his steering wheel in despair. "Ian."

"What?" Ian asked.

Anthony began to laugh despite himself, "I don't understand," He laughed harder, pushing the words out. "Why won't you just let me pick you up? I've asked you like five times!"

There was a moment of silence from Ian's end, and Anthony knew Ian was processing just how ridiculous this had become. Ian started snickering. Then they were both just laughing, Anthony holding the phone tight to his ear as Ian's laughter poured from it, his other hand ready to turn the car on.

"So," Anthony caught his breath, "So can you -please- drop me a map pin so I can come get you?"

"Alright, alright." Ian said.

Ian's voice was soft and breathless from his laughter. Anthony had spent a long time learning how to properly relish the beautiful moments in his life. The sound of Ian's voice right now, echoing slightly through the phone? That was one of those moments.

Anthony's phone pinged. "There. You happy?"

"Finally, my god." Anthony pulled the phone away to check. "Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Great," Ian said. "I think the tow truck gets here right about then." Anthony could still hear the smile in his voice. "I'll be here, waiting for you to rescue me."

[jedimasterbailey]

WARNING! AHSOKA SHOW RANT DOWN BELOW! SPOILERS!

Furthermore, I’m going to be completely honest in this review so if you’re someone who truly enjoyed the show, you’re a Rebels stan, etc. then this post isn’t for you. Haters will be blocked immediately so take your negative energy elsewhere. You have been warned!

For everyone else, buckle up because I’ve got a lot to say and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as well. All comments are welcome so long as they are respectful to everyone.

Okay, so now that the show is done for now. I’m going to be listing some major talking points. We’re there some aspects of the show that I enjoyed/appreciated? Absolutely! But overall, I’m leaving this show very disappointed, confused, and frustrated. The finale left me feeling empty and never have I personally been more silent after a Star Wars show. Now mind you I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I love Ahsoka’s character dearly as well as the Clone Wars and the prequels so there is bias here. Furthermore I am pretty indifferent with Rebels so going in knowing that the Ahsoka show wasn’t going to be…well about Ahsoka but rather a Rebels sequel, that already put a bad taste in my mouth and I was very nervous how this show was going to go and well…it was exactly what I expected from a Filoni/cheap Disney production. Without further ado, here’s a list of all my beef.

1.) Lack of a Coherent and Cohesive Story

So I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but my main issue with Dave Feloni productions is that the story seems to be going all over the place and there’s a lot of moving parts that don’t necessarily meld well together. I often think to myself that Ahsoka is an example of a poorly written fanfiction brought to the screen. So the plot of the show initally was focused on Ahsoka bringing Ezra home. Okay, that’s simple, there’s many different ways we can make that cool and interesting but that’s not what happened here. We’re just filled with a ton of confusing information and we’re in for a very boring journey heading for a very anticlimactic and unsatisfying ending.

For starters, we the audience are informed that Ahsoka and Sabine had started an apprenticeship (which I have ALOT of issues with but that’s for another talking point) but they got into a tiff (which we never find out about and/or see) and now things are just depressing and weird between them. First of all, anyone who has seen Rebels KNOWS that Ahsoka and Sabine literally had very little to do with each other; I can’t recall a single conversation those two have had in the past, nor was it ever eluded to us that Sabine is Force sensitive.

Second we see that Hera and Sabine don’t have anything to do with each other for some reason? Which is weird considering all that’s happened and their history but okay suddenly Sabine, a grown ass 30+ year old woman is Ahsoka’s responsibility, which again why? We don’t get any background information, we’re just expected to accept and go with it.

Third, Ahsoka and Hyuang are reunited and working together immediately but again do we know how that became to be? No. We see none of that.

Fourth we are told that Morgan Elsbeth, a one off antagonist from the Mandalorian that Ahsoka fought is suddenly a Dathormirian woman even though she looks nothing like one besides her outfits in the show nor was that eluded to previously.

Fifth, we are introduced to these two new…I don’t even know what to call them “dark siders” “non Jedi” Shin and Baylan (who is apparently a former Jedi from the Clone Wars but did we see that or see how he knew Ahsoka and Anakin? No.) but we aren’t given any reason to care about them other than they’re in Ahsoka’s way of completing her mission. They end up being more like time fillers that anything else and end up walking away from the big conclusion. Like…why are they even in this show and why should we care?

Perhaps Dave Feloni has this big grand story in his mind but he’s so far up his own ass that none of us get to see this story. It’s like seeing a little kid play with their action figures and they’re super passionate about it but as a outsider you have no idea what’s going on. Now this isn’t good not only for the sake of good storytelling but it’s bad for business too.

Disney wants to make as much money off of Star Wars as they can. That’s extremely obvious. However here you have a show that isn’t going to pull in a casual Star Wars viewers (they would have to watch so much content to catch up on whose who and what is going on) nor is it really going to pull in fans of Clone Wars and Rebels because while they overlap, the fandoms are different and Feloni hasn’t done a good job melding those worlds together thus the divisive opinions on this show. This leaves for an incredibly small niche of people and honestly I think whatever toy sells they make from this show will do better than the actual ratings. I would be shocked if they greenlit for another season because I’m pretty done with this story as is many of the people who would be willing to watch.

All in all this is embarrassing how Feloni and the gang with all the money and resources can’t pull off a simple and epic show when there are thousands of unpaid fanfic writers that could pull off a much better story and build these beloved up characters, which leads into my next point.

2. The Characterizations of Ahsoka, Sabine, and Hera Are Bad

Now I have mentioned previously how much I love Ahsoka but damn it upon watching this show, she may as well be dead. Ahsoka has been given the Luke Skywalker treatment in that Ahsoka has been stripped of everything that made her lovable in Clone Wars and Rebels and is left as a sorry shell of who she once was. Her dialouge is hollow and lifeless not like the lively Ashley counterpart that made us all love Ahsoka in the first place. And no don’t give this “well she’s older now” bullshti excuse because Obi Wan Kenobi never lost his cheekiness and charisma as an old man, neither did Yoda, or Leia, etc. Just because you age doesn’t mean you have to be lifeless. Maturity does not equate to emotionless. Secondly for a woman whose well into her fifties and still acts very much like a Jedi Ahsoka’s views on the Jedi and their philosophy seem very warped and the audience is again left confused as to where she stands on the Jedi. I mentioned in a previous post how I couldn’t stand Ahsoka’s negativity towards the Jedi and how nobody seems to matter but Anakin (even though he’s put her through a ton of trauma and has tried to kill her as Vader) because it’s just so distasteful to the people who raised her and loved her that died by genocide no thanks to Anakin. Ahsoka has zero character development other than she seems to forgive Anakin for his wrongdoings despite the nonexistent apology. For a show that has her name on it, she sure is boring. Makes me miss Ashley and old Ahsoka even more.

As for Sabine I probably could write a whole thesis on how unlikeable she is but I’ll keep it short. One, I find it sick on Feloni’s part that he’s having a grown 30+ year old woman act like a teenager and be snarky with just about everyone. Ezra, who annoyed me immensely in Rebels, was WAY more mature and grounded. And again I’m sick and tired of the Mandalorian excuse of you getting to be an asshole because youre Mandalorian. Shut up. No one is above manners and decency. Sabine’s actions in this show have been far from Jedi like and thanks to her immaturity, she left Ahsoka for dead once and is indirectly responsible for the death of New Republic officers who were trying to stop this very dangerous mission that could possibly bring Thrawn and the Empire back ensuing more death and destruction of innocents. Ahsoka deserves to be angry with her for her words and actions, but of course Sabine gets a free pass and her bad behavior will continue to be enabled.

As for Hera…when did she become such a Karen? Just because you’re an officer doesn’t mean you get to abuse your power for your own personal agenda. That Senator was right about her. Finding Thrawn is a threat to the galaxy and using resources and putting lives at risk for it is a big deal. Hera was depicted as honorable and responsible in the Rebels series and I swear I was watching a different person on screen. Also she is a major Sabine enabler and that needs to stop. Sabine is grown and needs to grow up and fix her attitude.

3.) Anakin’s Role In the Show

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Hayden and I love Anakin, I have the dude tattooed on me for Force sake so don’t come at me for that, but I had some issues on how his character was used here. First, I’m tired of Ahsoka’s relevance to Anakin being the only defining trait about her. Second, I’m continuously annoyed by Anakin’s lack of accountability in these shows; he never once apologizes to Ahsoka for all that’s happened, he never once’s has a meaningful conversation with her; he just basically beats her down until she finally lets go of her past. Did I love the Clone Wars flashbacks! YES! They were my favorite part of the entire show and I want MORE of that; but I so wish Anakin could have been reflecting on his own actions with Ahsoka instead of being like “Is ThAt WhAt ThIs Is AbOuT?” Like come on 🙄

4.) Ahsoka’s “It’s Time To Move On” Line

Are you kidding me Ahsoka? There is still so much more to unpack with her past such as all the other relationships she’s had that completely changed her trajectory like BARRISS and REX and she could also be a mentor figure to Luke and Leia, etc. But nope the only thing that matters is getting over Anakin and all is well despite being stranded in another galaxy and Thrawn being unleashed back home. Like THIS IS NOT OKAY!

5.) The Cheap Ass Production of this Show

I’m not normally one to comment on production but it was so obvious in this show how many corners were cut. For one characters like Thrawn look god awful. Dude looking like a blue Elon Musk instead of an intimidating villain. The use of fog and the volume were very obvious and the places we went to were so boring minus the red leaves forest. The worlds of Star Wars used to be so cool and otherworldly but that’s not the case nowadays and it’s sad. Also why does Force ghost Anakin look better in the 2000’s than it does now? I prefer quality over quantity so I really wish Disney would quit churning out these cheaply made productions and have the audacity to rise their Disney plus subscriptions and not pay their people well.

6.) THE RACISM

I’m so fucking tired of this y’all! 🤬 of course make the Jewish actor in the shipyard be greedy and power hungry. Of course make the Asian Senator the asshole and not any of the white protagonists. The antisemitism and racism against POC is unacceptable to me and it should be unacceptable to you too.

Conclusion

I’m sure I’m missing some talking points but these are my biggest grips and as an Ahsoka fan I’m disappointed. Being a miserable Jedi not Jedi responsible for bringing a new evil into the galaxy but being content being stranded in another galaxy is not the future I believe Ahsoka deserves and I sincerely hope they don’t continue this story. It’s just bad all around. Except for the Loth cats… the Loth cats can stay. And Clone Wars flashbacks.

[mattybstqrn]

𝐈'𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 - 𝐂.𝐖

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝟹𝚡, 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎

Female Reader x Cole Walter

Y/n walked the halls of her school, seeing all the couples made her annoyed, but she was happy that all her friends had Valentines, she had one too, but she couldn't see him because she lived about an hour away from him, now you may be wondering who that guy is, well that guy is Cole Walter.

Y/n and Cole used to go to school together but one day she had to move away, again you may be wondering why and that was because her parents had gotten divorced, she wanted to stay with her dad so she could be with her boyfriend, Cole, but her mom was her best friend and she couldn't handle being away from her so she left Silver Falls and went with her mom, visiting her dad and Cole at least once a month.

The divorce saddened her, but she knew it was coming, they all did.

But what broke her heart even more was that she had to be away from her boyfriend, the love of her life. When she told him, her heart was aching, and she couldn't stop herself from crying.

~lil flashback~

~One Year ago~

Y/n had just gotten the news that her parents were getting a divorce, she was heartbroken, she knew it was coming but she was still sad, especially because her parents made her pick who she had to stay with. 

She of course, went with her mom, she wanted to stay with her dad and boyfriend, but she couldn't live without her mom, so she knew who she had to go with, they Silver Falls next week. She had seven days to spend time with her friends and Cole.

As soon as she made her decision she drove straight to the Walter's house. She didn't know how she'd tell him, and she didn't know she'd be able to get the words out of her mouth without crying, she had driven the whole way there with tears in her eyes.

Once she arrived, she took a deep breath and a few seconds to herself, she wiped her tears, and looked into her review mirror, she looked a mess, but she tried her best to fix herself up, she took one last deep breath and got out of her car.

She rang the doorbell, the door opened to reveal just the person she wanted to talk to, Cole. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming over today," he said, "I'm not complaining though," he added with a shrug, "Actually I wanted to talk to you," she said with a quiet sniffle which made him realize that she had been crying and how puffy her eyes were, "Uh, okay, are you okay?" she nodded in response not wanting to say anything knowing that she'd just choke up.

He came outside and sat down on the bench with her and then she started, "Uh, my parents are getting a divorce," she said as her eyes started to water, "I'm sorry-" he was about to continue but she cut him off, "There's more... my mom is moving and I-I'm going with her," she then started crying, call her a crybaby but she was a very emotional person and she just got bad news and now she would be away from her boyfriend for god knows how long.

"What?" was all he managed to get out, she couldn't even respond she just cried harder which caused him to bring her closer and hold her and comfort her as best as he could. That was one of their last days together for six months.

~End of flashback~

COLE'S POV

Today was Valentine's Day and even though I had a Valentine's who was about an hour away, I was still pissed, I wanted to see my girlfriend and spoil her but I had to wait till the end of the school day, my family knew my plans of driving to my girlfriend so I could see her but my mom demanded that I actually go to school and just wait till the end of the day, but I had different plans.

I told my brothers and cousins that I'd be ditching school to go see my girlfriend, so they'd have to find a ride home, they nodded none of them really caring per usual, and went inside. I however got back in my truck and started driving, I had about an hour plus traffic before I got there.

Y/N'S POV

Meanwhile, you sat in class bored as hell as you tried to pay attention, but you couldn't your teacher was putting you to sleep, and even though you were trying to fight it, it was taking over. 

An hour later, you had decided to skip school for the rest of the day considering how tired you were, so you said goodbye to your friends and started making your way to your car, but you stopped when you saw a very familiar face waiting by your car, with a bouquet of flowers. 

Realizing who it was as you got closer you ran over to him, jumping into his arms out of excitement, practically smushing the flowers in the process, "Sorry," you apologized just in case you hurt him or the flowers, "It's okay," he whispered, "I missed you," you said sighing in relief, "I missed you too," he immediately replied.

You stood like that for a few minutes just you and him, comfortable in his arms before pulling away and asking, "What're you doing here?" you were surprised that he was her, but he handed you the half-smushed flowers before responding, "I came to see you, my beautiful girlfriend, who's lonely on Valentine's Day," you smiled at him.

He smiled back at you, you wanted nothing more than to see him today and here he was, patiently waiting for you by your car, "I love you," you told him placing your hand on either side of his face, you had told each other those three words before but it meant a lot to him right now, "I love you too," 

Pulling you into a kiss, you immediately kissed him back, dropping your flowers in the process, but in your defense, he took you by surprise, you guys continued to kiss as if it would be the last time, which it might've been for a while.

Cole then pulled away and spoke, "C'mon, I have a surprise for you," you looked at him confused.

But Cole had an amazing plan, he had a surprise for her, he knew she'd love it, but you didn't know, and you honestly didn't care what it was as long as you could spend the day with him and be completely unbothered.

The drive was actually shorter than expected, you thought Cole would drive somewhere far but he just drove for about ten minutes to a familiar air b & b, you didn't know what to except but you followed him, "Do you trust me?" 

"Of course," you nodded.

He lead you inside, going to an elevator, stopping on the 5th floor, he lead you to a room, and when he opened the door for, like he had been doing all day he revealed a nice big room decorated with candles and flowers, it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for you.

You were surprised, shock was written all over your face as you looked around admiring everything that you assumed he set up, "Did you do all of this?" you asked with shock and adoration filling your tone, "I had some help," he shrugged, "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" you beamed as you admired everything he did.

"So, I want to officially ask, will you be my Valentine?" you looked up at him, slowly walking over to him, you then wrapped your arms around his neck, he responded by wrapping his arms around you waist.

Placing your hand on his cheek you responded, "I'm yours," it might've sounded cheesy, but you didn't care, it was already true. You are his and he is yours.

He immediately pulled you into a kiss, he was deeply in love with you, and you are deeply in love with him. "I love you," he said in between kisses, "I love you more," you told him.

"I have more surprises for you," he said pulling away, "Oh god, Cole this is more than enough," he shook his head no and lead you over to the bed and sat you down as he reached into the closet and grabbed out a bag.

He handed it to you, nodding at you to open it, you responded with "Fine" and opened it, there was snacks, jewelry, all of your favorite things, he knew you so well.

"I love it, Cole! thank you," he nodded in response, "But I feel bad, I didn't get you anything," you added with sigh, "It's okay, we can worry about that later," he said with a smirk, and you knew exactly what he meant by that, "Sounds good to me," 

He then led you into the kitchen and started cooking your favorite food as you watched him, you wanted to help out, but he assured you that he didn't need help and that today he'd be doing everything for you.

He messed up a little bit and then you made him let you help which he eventually did let you. You guys cooked and then when you were done you sat down to eat your favorite food. 

You guys ate and talked, caught up on everything you guys had missed, which wasn't a lot, but it was fun you guys have an amazing day and when nighttime came you put on a movie until you both got bored and decided to give Cole his surprise 😉.

Y/n and Cole rushed into the room, he was holding you, your arms were wrapped around his waist as he opened the door not bothering to pull away from you as your lips moved in sync, leaving you both breathless.

He held you with one hand as he moved all the decorations off of the bed and onto the floor, then placing you onto the bed, you immediately reached to take off his shirt while he took of your dress, then pulling each other into another kiss which led to him kissing down your neck all the way down to your stomach.

You both saw that you still had your pants and underwear on and went to take them off and then you guys started kissing again, he breathlessly kissed down your neck as you ran your fingers threw his hair in pleasure.

And before you know it, you were on top and you kissed down his eight pack as he squirmed under you trying to stay still, but he was crazy about you and when you touched him, he felt like he couldn't hold himself back from being all over you.

You kissed down his neck and abs and then you know....

[atopfourthwall]

Tbh you lament what people say about you and bemoan "harrassment and bullying". Yet you told RLM to "eat a bag of dicks" unprompted. You said Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them!". You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out, or for giving you simple, solid advice like below. You say youve calmed down in reviews yet still yell at the comic creators over minor stuff. The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison.

Okay, first of all I did not tell RLM to "eat a big of dicks" unprompted. What I said was "Eat a dick, jackass" while talking about the Plinkett Reviews in regards to how parts of them have not aged well, in particular the line that I felt was a bit racist - "Black people don't like Star Wars" (to be clear - I don't think anyone at RLM is racist [AFAIK]. The remark itself feels like it is, though, but that's also emblematic of edgier, wince-inducing internet humor from the time - we're all guilty of awful jokes like this to some degree, myself included). Now I ended up removing this line from the Star Wars Prequel reviews compilation because I realized it was needlessly inflammatory towards them and some perceived it as me attempting to star a beef with them… when of course I don't want to start a beef with ANYONE, much less someone much, MUCH more popular than me.

And no, I did not say Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them" (unless I said this on Twitter a long while ago). I'm assuming this is in reference to a part of the Fallout: New Vegas streams. Someone in the superchats asked a question relating to them and my other guests didn't know who they are. I proceeded to spend all of 40 seconds calmly explaining (though admittedly with a bit of light irritation) "They're other streamers, one of whom apparently does a GREAT impression of me. They're also responsible for popularizing calling me Lightbringer, soooo… screw 'em." That was it. But apparently "screw 'em" was TOO MUCH for a lot of people, because I got flooded with hate from that - videos made about how I was "TRIGGERED!" and "HAD A MELTDOWN!" Because that was one of the first public times I ever talked about how I wasn't okay with the nickname. We'll circle back around to this in a minute.

"You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out-" Aaand right there you prove that you don't actually watch my stuff. You're just repeating the same garbage from people who ALSO don't watch my stuff, but assume I have not changed at all, that I am the same person forever whose opinions don't change, whose attitude doesn't change, never gets better, etc.

Because I haven't been angry at people asking when the next History of Power Rangers is out in ALMOST TEN YEARS.

And the reason I know that number in particular is because I started my Patreon in 2014. The question annoyed me so much because I didn't have an answer for them and it seemed like they didn't care about anything else I did. But then I started my Patreon and one of the Milestone goals was actual release dates for HOPR. And thus since then I've been able to answer when new ones are coming out.

You want to know how NOT angry I am about the question I am now? I put it on t-shirts.

You can buy them at https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr?product=2 and https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr-03?product=2 (I was going to post pictures of them but Tumblr keeps breaking when I try). There's a third one, but I don't think I put that one back up because it was intended for Shark Robot where colors are limited and it didn't do very well.

But this is a thing that's brought up by people who hate me - my irritation at the question as if it was still something that bothered me because, again, they cannot conceive that maybe I've changed. No, I am cringe forever and there is nothing I can say or do that will satisfy them.

But no, I "lecture people constantly" evidently. People say I'm obsessed about this topic, about the bullying, that I just talk about it soooo much and I can't move on from it and it haunts my every waking moment and that such "simple, solid advice" like "Be okay with being bullied" is met with unreasonable hostility and my mind fixated on it constantly.

Unless of course you actually look at what I post, what I reblog, what I tweet about and then you discover "Oh, he actually only talks about it when people bring it up to him. He only made that thread because he said the harassment is starting to rise up again and that was days and days ago and hasn't said anything about it since. In fact, on this very Tumblr he's only bringing it up again because somebody ELSE is bringing it up, allowing him a chance to further break down why asshole behavior is still asshole behavior.

So let's bring this back to the "screw 'em" thing. You'll notice that in none of these longer rambling statements I've made have I brought them up. Sure, in that 40 seconds during the stream I did… but that was in the middle of the first wave of it where it really WAS affecting me psychologically hard… and I have not talked about them on stream since then. I don't talk about them in these threads. I don't tell my fans to harass them. I don't make up some nickname for them or mock them or do anything other than maybe some frustration at them during the thread a few years ago (and I am explicitly telling my fans not do so - if you want to be an asshole to them, you can fuck off from my fans). Because I don't WANT to talk about them. They can do whatever the hell they want on their streams. They can call me Lightbringer there, make weird memes about me. It's THEIR space to do with as they please.

The problem is entirely that their fans come to MY space to be assholes. To repeat those memes, to bully me and call me the name. Some do it innocently, thinking I'm okay with it (which, again - is who that thread was directed towards)… but there are others who are being assholes about it. And I'm going to call them assholes about it and block them. And I'm still not going to talk about Oney because I don't want to - they're not the ones who are spamming Lightbringer in my chat or comments or trying to find some way of sneaking it into the comments past my comment filters to try to get a gotcha on me. Hell, I've gotten some people who have said they discovered me and love my stuff now BECAUSE Oney talked about me.

And I'd really like to know which recent review you saw where I was specifically attacking creators in the manner you seem to think I did. Because being angry at a plot point or a narrative decision is not the same thing as attacking a creator. I'll freely tell you about the ones I HAVE specifically called out for shittiness - the racist, the homophobic, the sexual harassers, the transphobic, the one that spread misinformation, or just the greedy assholes. But just looking at the list of the last 50+ episodes I've done that maybe… once or twice? And even despite ALL those horrible things, I STILL tell my fans to leave them alone - to not start fights with them, to not send my videos to them, etc. Because I don't want my fans to be bullies, either.

I will end this with one final thing: "The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison." Yeah, well, that's because you're you and I'm me. Something that seems innocuous to one person may be deeply triggering for someone else. Something that seems like an innocent joke might actually be really fucking with someone mentally, as it was for me. And that's why I've tried to tell people "Hey, please don't do that." Maybe I do it aggressively. But sometimes that's the only way people will listen. If people are still doing it even after I've expressed how much it harms me - telling me that I should just "get over it" or "let them do it and respond with a laugh" even though I keep saying it DOES affect me, then those people are assholes and I don't see why I should give them the time of day.

Hopefully this lengthy response (I really am a windbag) helps people understand or it clears up some bullshit. And if it's still not good enough for you, then nothing less than complete capitulation to being called Lightbringer is the only thing that will satisfy you… well, fuck off.

[quinnysnursery]

when the party's over,, lil green notebook・₊✧

featuring : little!ben all on his lonesome (not proof read)

divider credit : @the-aesthetics-shop

this work is apart of my frat/college au, find out more about it here.

ben hummed happily, kicking his leg against the air as he sat on his carpeted floor- scribbling away in one of his many notebooks.

this one was special though. it was his regression notebook. it was green (mossy green, to be specific) and spiraled with plenty of stickers decorating the front.

larri had bought it for him after ben came to him in tears because his regressed self had scribbled all over the notes he'd taken during a film history lecture.

it was the first gift that ben had been given just for his regression. sure, it probably didn't cost larri more than 10 bucks but that didn't matter to benjamin. he had mattered enough to larri to make the man use his amazon prime subscription just for a gift.

inside, was nearly 40 pages of any and everything that little ben could think of. some pages had "film reviews" of his favorite disney movies (winnie the pooh, toy story, etc), others had funnily shaped leaves and swan feathers glued onto the parchment that he'd found while wondering famous again.

ben didn't know if it was out of embarrassment or something else, but very few people got to see what he scribbled down inside the notebook. quen saw the most, larri coming in quick second.

currently, he was working on another film review. this one on 'inside out'. little ben's film reviews looked drastically different than big ben's.

the film reviews he wrote while not regressed consisted of multiple long-winded rants about metaphors and symbolism. as well as the looming pressure that it had to be good.

the film reviews he wrote while regressed were nothing like that though. instead, ben wrote about how the movie taught him important lessons and how much he liked the character design. it was a nice change.

sudden slams against ben's dorm door caused him to break his crayon, "ben! let's go! double delta party!" larri's voice called out. ben grumbled, frowning as he sat up- he knew he should've told his friend about his regression plans.

"kay!" ben yelled back with slight attitude, sitting up and grabbing the notebook off the floor and throwing it onto his bed- pulling on his shoes and opening the door to be greeted by an impatient larri.

as the two entered the elevators, ben's fuzzy headspace had already drifted far out of his reach. that was okay though, his green notebook would always keep his headspace perfectly safe.

taglist !! :

@ducklingsandlambs @mattssturnz @littlestar44

@graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch

@sturnsxplr-25 @cherry-red-heart @pr3ttyf4wn @frlinbruh

@jazminepetit-homme @raynaaxx @tyummyz @starri-nightss

@cyberskulzzz @nicksbestie @urfavbestiee @nicksloverrr

@babybatxxx

[thewulf]

That's a Kill Part 3 || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Y/N Kazansky. The Admiral's daughter. You always had to prove yourself to the boys. The good old boys. You never thought much of any of them, knowing you were better than them. That was until you were called back to Top Gun. You meet Lieutenant Jake "Hangman" Seresin who drives you nuts, the first day. You start to fall for the man in front of you as he does the same. Jake meets the family!

A/N: Final part (I think)! I legit had so much fun writing this mini-series. It definitely helped as a writer! Please send in any requests! Hope you enjoy! Also - pretending Ice is completely okay - no cancer

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Y/N, Iceman x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 5,200+

“Dad, please promise me you’ll be nice.” You stifled a groan as you talked to your dad over the phone.

Long story short. Mav caught you and Jake in a compromising position in the men’s locker room at Top Gun. Jake was called in to consult on a mission. You were both rather excited you’d be working together again, even if it was just for a week.

The two of you had been dating for the last six months. You finally gained the courage to tell your parents after Mav caught you. Mav found you with Jake on top of you getting ready to rip your flight suit off, you begged Mav not to tell Iceman. It was something you had to tell your dad, you and only you.

“I can’t promise anything Y/N.” Dad sounded not so thrilled.

You finally told your dad and family about Jake after Mav gave you an ultimatum. Either you needed to tell Ice within the next few weeks, or he would. You weren’t too surprised when you saw the look of horror cross your dads face when you told him. Tom knew it was a matter of time before you got involved with somebody, but it seemed to come out of left field. There was no warning, you just dropped the bomb on him.

If you thought dad was protective before… he kicked it up a notch after telling him about Lieutenant Jake Seresin. He reviewed all of Jake’s papers, scavenging through them to make sure there was nothing in his file. He asked you about a million questions in regard to him only stopping after you snapped at him. He was concerned, worried that his baby girl could get hurt.

“Dad!” This time you let the groan out, “Please promise me you will try. I really like him.” You admitted, not being the best at coming clean with your feelings. Especially when coming clean meant to your own father.

“Oh,” He paused, “You really like him? That changes things.” He spoke with a dry sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Please.” You begged, sounding almost desperate.

You could hear him doing something in the background, stopping when you spoke last, “You really like him hmm?” He asked curiously. You seemingly finally broke through to him.

“Yes dad. I really like him. I even love…”

“Nope, stop right there. You can’t say that before I meet the damn kid.” He grumbled as he realized how serious you were about Jake. He didn’t know just how happy had made you over the last six months. Each and every time you saw him you swear you fell more and more in love with him.

“Dad! You can’t go into dinner with that attitude.”

“I’ll go into it however I want.”

You let a sigh out you had been holding in thinking you actually got somewhere with the man, “Dad, I’m 27 years old and this is my first legit boyfriend. Please, please I’m begging you, don’t run him out the door the second you meet him. You and mom were married and had already had Will at this point in your lives.”

He sensed the desperation in your voice and the point you were making, “Alright Y/N, I’ll be on my best behavior.” It was hard for him. His little girl was growing up. He knew you were right though. He had gotten married at 25 and had a kid by the time he was 27. You were here potentially just starting your life. He wanted to laugh knowing it was easier to let you go on that damn mission than it was to know you fell in love with someone.

“Thank you, dad.” You smiled as he finally agreed to your request, “He reminds me of you.”

“Now, wait a damn minute…”

“In a good way dad!” You interrupted him continuing before he could, “He’s one of the best aviators I’ve been around, he makes me better every time we’re in the air. You’d appreciate it, dad. He’s also so sweet to me but such an asshole in the field… reminds me of a certain guy I know.” You grinned realizing how much the two were like. Eerily similar.

Ice smiled hearing your rattle off your favorite qualities of your boyfriend, “He sounds fine.” Tom couldn’t admit it just yet, but you seemed happy with Jake. Genuinely happy. Ice noticed the way you gushed when you talked about him, it was the same way your mom swooned over him.

You laughed hearing your father try and accept it, “He is daddio. So nice. I think you’ll like him.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

Shaking your head you continued, “As long as you try. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Then that’s what you’ll get.”

You suppressed the squeal you wanted to give him knowing it’d just irritate him, “Thank you dad!”

“Of course, sweetheart. Now, when can we expect you two?” He paced back and forth feeling slightly anxious at the prospect of you bringing a man into his home.

“Six still work? Jake gets off around four today.”

“That works.”

Doing a mini happy dance you replied to him, “Perfect. Can’t wait. See you tonight! Love you.”

“Love you too Y/N.”

Hanging up the phone you realized what you just gotten yourself into. You were bringing Jake Seresin to the admiral’s house. Your own fathers home. This was the final stamp of approval from the people you love in your life, your mom and dad. Mav was floored but thrilled when he caught you two. Phoenix couldn’t get enough of it. Although she never really believed you when you would tell her how loving Jake really was. Bradley was confused but happy for the pair. You just had to introduce him to your family now, no pressure or anything.

Walking through your apartment door you settled on the couch after a long day of flying. These Top Gun pilots were putting you through the ringer. You could never let your mask slip at work, you always had to be on at work. So, these moments where you could just sit and not think? Heaven.

You were pulled from your thoughts when the front door clicked open revealing your handsome boyfriend, “Hi.”

“Hello gorgeous girl.” He walked over to you throwing his head in your lap, legs sprawled out along the couch, “Rough day?” He asked as you absentmindedly played with his hair.

“Yeah, I have to deal with twenty Jake Seresin’s all day. Cocky arrogant aviator assholes.” You replied earning a hearty grin from Jake. You swore you’d never grow tired of those dimples. You couldn’t believe just how lucky you were to have him.

“They sound incredible.” He smiled even further if that was possible.

Rolling your eyes, you tried to lightly shove him off of you. He didn’t budge, “We’ve got to get ready for dinner.” You said as you tried to get him to move.

His smile dropped almost instantaneously, “With your dad?”

“And mom!”

Jake clicked his tongue attempting to play dumb with you, “Did I agree to that?”

Nodding you wrapped your arms around him, “You did, yesterday.” You bopped him on the nose earning a groan from the man.

“Are you sure?” He asked rolling his face into your thigh, hiding away.

“Mhmm.” You grinned down at him adoring how comfortable he was with you. You learned quickly that Jake was a physical touch kind of guy. If he wasn’t holding your hand, he had an arm around you should or on you back. It was an adjustment for you, but you’ve grown to love it, craving his touch, “Is that okay?”

“I guess.” He said softly while rolling back over to look up at you, “You’re so pretty.”

“And you’re changing the subject.” A light flush showed on your cheeks. Even after six months with him the simplest compliments still sent your heart into a frenzy.

He brushed his thumb over your cheek, “I like making you blush.” You could’ve melted right then and there with the look he was giving you. You knew how in love he was with you as his eyes gave him right away. He looked at you with the most admiration you’ve ever seen, like you were his world.

“You’re very good at it.” Giggling you too looked at him with the most admiration. You were officially a sucker for Jake Seresin.

It was scary at first, falling for him. He made it so easy for you. Truly, he was the perfect gentleman. You never opened your door, never pumped gas, always had a fresh set of flowers and were constantly showered in compliments. It was downright impossible not to fall for him as fast as you did. How could you not?

“I love you.” He said as he shifted off your lap but still sitting right next to you, “So much.” He took his hand, gently wrapping it around the back of your head pulling you closer to him. He wanted a kiss, and you’d happily oblige.

You really did live for these moments with him. These sweet romantic moments that happened in the comfort of your own homes. You and Jake technically still had separate places of residence, but he was at your apartment almost every day and night. He initially claimed it was closer to work (it was not) but you’d never say anything, you loved having him around.

“And I love you, so much.” You spoke after parting from the kiss. Resting your head on his forehead you continued, “You know who else will love you?”

He snuck in another quick kiss before replying, “Who?”

“My father.”

You felt the breath of air he let out, “I don’t know about that one sweetheart.” He sat back in his seat thinking all too hard.

“What’s got you worried?” You turned his head to look at you.

“Well for one you’re his daughter, his pride and joy. And two he is the Admiral of the Pacific Fleet.”

Nodding you snuggled into him this time, “He’s just dad.”

Jake chuckled, “He’s your dad darling.”

“Don’t worry, I already buttered him up.”

“Okay,” He kissed your forehead, “If you think it’s time to meet the parents then let’s do it.”

Grinning you threw yourself on top of him squeezing him into a hug, “Thank you Jake.” Whispering into his ear you felt a small shiver in response from him.

“Anything for you baby.” He squeezed you back, “I need to go shower again.”

You ignored him only holding him tighter not wanting to let go just yet. He continued, “If you don’t get up, you’re just coming with me.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Oh sweetheart, I’d never lie to you.” Smirking he lifted you effortlessly with him off the couch. You wrapped your legs around his torso. You felt him laughing as you kept your head tucked in his shoulder, “To the shower we go.”

You squeezed his hand lightly when you made it to the front door of your parents’ home, “You ready?” You asked him, wanting to make sure he was okay.

“As I’ll ever be.”

You rang the doorbell feeling weirdly calm knowing your mom would likely answer. She did. She always did.

“Y/N!” She wrapped you up in the biggest mom hug, “It’s so good to see you.”

“Hi mom.” You hugged her back with just as much vigor. You felt so blessed to have two loving parents that actually still loved each other.

She turned eyeing your boyfriend up and down sending you a nod of approval, “And you must be Jake.”

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded his head towards her, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Kazansky.”

“Oh, call me Sarah.” She patted his arm before opening the door for you two, “Dad is in his office, he’ll be out shortly. Make yourself at home Jake.” She smiled at him before heading back into the kitchen.

You grabbed his hand, “Not so bad.”

“Yet.” He chuckled softly, “Your mom is lovely darling.”

“I agree, let’s go see if she needs any help.” You pulled him into the kitchen watching your mom chop some vegetables up for the salad.

Jake spoke up before you could, “This is a beautiful home, Sarah.”

“Thank you, Jake,” She smiled as she continued chopping, “The Navy does have its benefits.”

“That it does indeed.” He concurred with her. You didn’t try and stop the smile seeing the two of them converse. It seemed so normal. So domestic, “Need any help?”

“Oh no Jake.” She turned to you, “Y/N, show him around. Dad will be out shortly.”

You nodded grabbing his hand again, “Follow me!”

The two of you ended up in your childhood bedroom. Your mom wouldn’t let dad change it at all so Jake was seeing your true childhood bedroom in all its glory, purple walls and all. He plopped down on your bed taking in the surroundings, “This is cute.” He smirked.

“Don’t even start Lieutenant.” You eyed him giving him a playful glare.

Throwing his hands up in mock defense he stood up and wrapped you in hug, “Sorry sweetheart.”

“Suck up.” You hugged him back, “C’mon, let’s go. You’ve got to meet my dad.”

Lazily smiling he nodded, “Your wish is my command darling.” He let you pull him back throughout the house only pausing at the kitchen entryway spotting your dad next to his wife. Gulping he took another small step forward standing just behind you.

“Hello sir.” He gave dad a curt nod unsure of what to do next.

You gave dad a look, one that told him to play nice.

“Hangman. How’d you get that call sign?” Your dad eyed him harshly, something he usually only reserved for when he was angry. You shot him a wide-eyed look trying to diffuse the tension your father unnecessarily added. Straight to the questions. You shouldn’t have expected anything less.

You had never seen Jake so nervous before, Ice was quite an intimidating man. You squeezed his arm urging him to respond, “Well sir I…” He stuttered eliciting another squeeze from you, “I suggested playing hangman as an icebreaker when the squadron first met… sir.”

Tom narrowed his gaze, “That’s it.”

Nodding quickly, Jake smiled softly, “That’s it.” You could feel a small amount of tension release from him. So far, not so bad you thought.

“So, dad.” You tried your best to change the conversation, “Anything coming down the line? Any secret missions?”

Your dad huffed, “None that I can tell you about.” He finally broke the stare down on Jake. His demeanor changed as he turned to you. His gaze softened as he returned to dad, not the admiral, “Come here, give your old man a hug.”

Walking over to him, you gave him a tight squeeze, “Be nice.” You whispered to him, only your mom hearing.

He pinched your arm lightly letting you know he got the message, “Good to see you kid.”

“Likewise.” You punched his shoulder before returning back to Jake. Noticing how tense he was you smiled brightly at him, settling yourself in front of him again.

“Jake,” Your mom chimed in sensing the slight tension in the room, “Y/N tells us you’re a pilot as well?”

“Yes ma’am.” His southern drawl comes through ever so slightly making you weak at the knees, “Strike Fighter Squadron 151, the Vigilantes. Although, I do miss being a part of the dagger squad.” He smiled down at you softly almost forgetting your parents were right there.

“I heard all about it.” Your mom laughed recalling the yelling match between you and Ice. He was obviously furious when you got back from the mission even going so far as to threaten to ground you, air wise. You almost let him get the better of you, but you forced him to understand your reasoning. He understood why you went back to help Mav, but he didn’t agree with it. Of course, he loved Maverick, but you were his daughter he’d always pick you over him.

“Jake saved our asses.” Reaching behind you, you found one of his hands. You ran your fingers up and down the back of it hoping it brought him comfort.

“Shouldn’t have been in the situation to begin with.” Ice grumbled taking a seat at the table.

Shaking your head you replied, “We’ve already gotten into this dad. No need to bring it up again.” Sitting down across from him you sent him a look of irritation.

Your dad shot you a small smile knowing how badly you wanted this to go well. You motioned for Jake to come join you at the table.

Ice turned his attention to your boyfriend, “Hangman. What are your intentions with my daughter?”

“Dad!” You placed your hand on Jake’s thigh knowing it’d help, even just a bit.

He shrugged, “It’s a question Y/N.”

Jake leaned forward looking confident once again, “Sir, would you like the honest truth or the one I’m supposed to tell you?”

Your dad eyed him curiously, “The truth.” Mom made her way over sitting down next to her husband.

Jake smiled at her before turning back to Ice, “I intend to marry your daughter, sir.”

Your head snapped in Jake’s direction giving him a bewildered look. You hadn’t spoken about marriage with him. That topic was so far off your mind it didn’t even seem conceivable, yet. Your mom looked over the moon for just having met him. Ice nodded his head slowly observing Jake not expecting that answer.

Jake smiled down at you fondly seeing your shocked expression. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you into him, “Sir. I know you don’t want to hear this. But I’m so in love with your daughter. I would do anything for her. She’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And my momma always told me you never let a good thing go. Y/N here… she’s the best thing. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. I have every intention on settling down, marrying, and starting a family with your daughter. If she’s okay with that.” Thankful that Jake was holding onto you, you looked up at him seeing that he was nodding at you. Confirming what he said. He had every intention of making you his wife.

You were convinced your heart might just beat right out of your chest. You were wholly not prepared for Jake to lay it down like that. To put his intentions out there in front of your mom and dad.  Sure, the two of you talked about the future but for Jake to put it all out there like that? With such certainty? So much was going through your head you hardly heard you dad start speaking again.

Ice leaned back in his chair, your mom watching him expectantly, “Well Lieutenant. You seem to have the right intentions. I just need you to show me now.”

“Absolutely sir.” Jake beamed as he grew in confidence gaining a little respect from the Naval Admiral. Jake looked up to your father. Admitting what he just had to him was no easy task, but he needed to. Jake needed Ice to know just how much he adored you

You still hadn’t managed to find the right words to continue the conversation with the three of them. He wanted to marry you? He wanted to make you his wife? He wanted to have kids with you? You can’t imagine what you’ve done so right in your life to deserve the love you got from Jake, but you were so beyond thankful you had it.

“Isn’t that right Y/N?” Your mom asked.

“Oh sorry, what was that mom?”

She grinned seeing the realization of what Jake had said to your father come across your face, “I was just saying you seem happy.”

“I’m happy.” You broke eye contact with mom opting to look back up at Jake, “Very happy.”

“Let’s eat.” Your dad interrupted the moment, clearly uncomfortable with all of the emotions flying around.

Throughout dinner you saw that both your father and Jake seemed to relax a bit as casual conversation flowed, rather easily. The steak your mom made being a hot topic of discussion. Your fathers looks softened substantially throughout the meal. He even cracked a few jokes with Jake, joking with him about his call sign. Your dad definitely assumed the worst when he heard it.

After another bottle of wine split between the group the laughter started. A permanent rose shade graced your cheeks after your third bottle. Before you knew it the two couples had sat there talking, eating, and drinking for two hours. You thought the dinner would go okay. But this was more than you could have wished for. Your dad had warmed up to him quicker than anyone you had seen before.

“Jake.” Your dad smiled over to him. You grinned watching the interaction between them beyond thrilled dad had used his first name.

“Yeah?”

He leaned forward after setting his napkin on the plate, “Nightcap in my office?”

Jake nodded, “Absolutely.”

You were smiling so hard your cheeks started burning. You gave his thigh a squeeze before he stood up, following your dad away from the kitchen. He shot you a wink before he left fully.

You and your mom cleaned up before settling in the living room, “You didn’t tell me it was this serious Y/N.” The smile on her face was something to see. You could tell how excited she was. She had wanted you to get out there and live a life outside of the Navy, which included dating. It was never a priority for you and your mom knew that. But after hearing what Jake had to say and seeing how he dotingly looked down at you she knew Jake was special.

You turned to her grinning from ear to ear, “He’s never said that before. I don’t think I realized how serious it was.” You admitted to her.

“He’s in love with you Y/N. Very much in love with you. Anybody can see it, even your father. I didn’t tell you this, but he approves so far. Jake’s little speech made quite the impression.”

Eyes wide you continued looking at her, “Really?”

She nodded her head, “Dad just wants the best for you sweetie. For you to be happy. You glow when you’re around him. He seems to be what’s best for you.”

You scooted closer to her on the couch laying your head on her shoulder, “I love him so much mom. He’s so good to me. He treats me better than anybody has. I just… I love him.”

She smiled softly brushing a strand of hair out of your face, “I’m so happy for you. It’s quite the feeling, isn’t it?”

“It’s the best feeling in the world.” You agreed with her.

The two of you continued to chat for the next thirty minutes or so before Jake and dad returned from his office. The two of them had smiles on their faces as they joined you and mom in the living room. You couldn’t describe the feeling seeing your dad smile at your boyfriend like that, like he was already part of the family.

“Ready to go home sweetheart?” Jake asked still standing, “Early morning at Top Gun.”

You nodded kissing your mom on the cheek. You gave your dad a big hug whispering, “Thank you dad.” In his ear before releasing him from your grip.

“Anytime. I’ll call you tomorrow.” You dad kissed you on the head before giving a brief nod to Jake.

“Jake, it was nice to meet you. Keep making my daughter happy.” Dad stuck his hand out for Jake to take.

Jake shook his hand with a newly found confidence, “I have no other plans, sir.”

The ride home was filled with comfortable silence. The night shifted into one you could’ve only dreamed of with Jake laying his heart on the line like that. You know your dad was impressed. The way he began to smile more throughout the dinner and asked Jake genuine questions made your heart soar. The two most important men in your life met each other and got off to a really good start.

Holding his hand you turned to him, “Dad likes you.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the road but ran his thumb along your finger, “You think?”

“I know. He stopped treating you like a Lieutenant and started treating you like Jake, my handsome hunky Naval aviator boyfriend.”

He laughed at your response, never failing to love your personality, “Well that’s good.”

“It’s more than good!”

You saw the tension release from his body, “I was so nervous.”

“I know.” You leaned down to kiss his knuckles, “But you did so good baby.”

Squeezing your hand he replied, “And your mom?”

“She loved you the second you stepped foot into the house.”

He didn’t hide his beaming smile as he continued to look ahead on the road, never daring to take his eyes off the road when you were a passenger, “They’re great people.”

“They really are. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I get to have them, and I get to love you. I don’t need anything else.” You didn’t want to ask him what they talked about back in your dad’s office, maybe another time. You were riding out a high nothing could vanquish.

Jake felt his heart rate pick up at your vulnerability. Truth be told he wasn’t planning on his little monologue earlier but when he had Ice’s eyes on him like that he had to. He had to express just how important you were to him. He knew very early on in the relationship that you’d be the one he was going to marry. Jake’s grandma gave him a ring after divulging all the details to the family. He was planning on getting it refurbished once he knew what style of ring you liked.

He wasn’t planning on proposing to you anytime soon but after tonight? All bets were off. Practically, he knew he needed to wait another six months for the optics of it all. It wouldn’t look good proposing to you only six months in, but did he want to. He would wait because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. But if you wanted to get married tomorrow at the courthouse, he’d be all in.

You two were well out of the honeymoon phase and only seemed to grow closer with each passing day. Your love grew and then grew some more. You wanted to be around him all the time, touching him some way all the time.

“You’re the sweetest girl I know.” He brought your hand to his lips, kissing it softly, “I have everything I need too. You’re it Y/N.”

He pulled into your driveway shutting the car off. Quickly hopping out to get the door for you. Hand in hand the two of you walked inside not being able to take your eyes off each other.

“You really want to marry me?” You asked him feeling all sorts of emotions. You needed to ask him, to make sure what he confessed was true. You knew it was true, but you desired to hear it.

He closed the minimal distance between you two, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead, “I want to marry you sweetheart. So, fucking bad.”

“And start a family?” Your head was swimming in all the thoughts you had. Jake was a straight shooter. He didn’t have anything to hide from you anymore. This is what he wanted, and he needed you to know it, desperately hoping you felt the same.

He nodded placing a kiss on your cheek, hands on your shoulders, “I’d love to have kids with you Y/N. As many as you want.”

“Really?” Feeling your legs beginning to tremble you leaned into him for some stability. Of course, the two of you expressed just how much you loved one another. But this? This was a life changing conversation. This, quite literally, left you weak at the knees. There’s nothing more that you could’ve asked for.

He placed a gentle kiss on your other cheek, “Yes sweetheart. I want to do everything with you. I want to build a life with you.”

“How many kids do you want?” You questioned again all of this starting to feel like too much. In the best way, of course.

Grinning he placed a kiss on your nose, “I think three is a good number.”

“Three kids.” You bit your lip taking it all in. It was easy to imagine a future with him. Three little blond-haired babies running around sounded like a dream. Three of him.

“Three of you.” He smiled placing a kiss right on your lips.

“And you.” You kissed him back as you ran your hands up his neck to his hair, deepening the kiss as you pulled him closer. He let a soft groan out. You knew what you were doing. Jake was a sucker for your hands in his hair.

“You’re killing me darling.” He whispered right in your ear. Jake also knew what he was doing. For as much as you knew about him, he probably knew double that about you.

Smiling you batted your eyelashes just how he liked. You knew Jake through and through knowing what set him off, “I’d love to have three babies with you Lieutenant.” You continued to run your hands across his hair eliciting another moan from the man.

“Yeah?” He asked as he pulled your waist into his body.

“Hell yeah Jake.” You whispered into his ear feeling just how excited he was, bodies sandwiched together.

“What do you say then Kazansky, should we practice making some babies?”

Nodding your head eagerly you replied, “That sounds very enticing Seresin.” You leaned up to kiss him again.

Smirking he kissed you back right before he picked you up, “Hey!” You laughed clinging to him like you had previously in the day.

“I can’t have my sweet girl walk all the way to the bedroom, now can I?”

Giggling and shaking your head it hit you how damn happy you were. How lucky you were to find Jake when you did. From the outside looking in people might’ve thought you two were moving too fast, but it felt so right to you. You had never been so sure of anything, other than becoming a pilot, when it came to loving Jake. He made you feel like the absolute luckiest girl in the world.

“I love you, Jake.” Kissing his neck, you loved to see how he reacted to your touch. You always managed to get a shiver or chill out of him.

“And I love you. Let me show you just how much I do.” Smirking, he winked down at you hightailing it for your room.

[cherrys-writings]

Hi :)

Could you maybe write smth where Grayson is hospitalized and Jameson is pretending he doesn’t care (but he does)

A Few Minutes With His Brother

Warnings: Angst, Bodily injury, hurt Grayson

Grayson was catching up with Avery and the bodyguards when he was thrown from his feet, heat searing his shoulder. He landed hard on the cold asphalt with a sickening crack. Grayson tried to push himself up only for blinding pain to force him back to the ground. Ears ringing, he tried to look for Avery. She needed to be safe. Something was dripping into his eyes. Grayson fought to keep them open, he had to make sure Avery was safe, for Jameson’s sake. Blurry figures were running towards him, someone was yelling. Fuck, his head hurt…everything hurt. Grayson wanted to escape the pain for just a second when he let his eyes fall shut.

***********************************

Oren held Avery back while his men rushed to check on Grayson. He was too still. She kept waiting for him to get up and dust off his suit. His pained yelling stopped so suddenly Avery could only assume the worst. She didn’t force herself to stifle her sobs. Grayson was just trying to help her figure out part of the puzzle that was Hawthorne Island. Instead, he got caught up in an attempt to end her life. 

“Stop fighting me so I can let the paramedics through when they arrive,” Oren growled.

“Is he BREATHING?” Avery screamed as Oren hauled her to the bullet-proof SUV. 

One of the men had two fingers pressed to Graysons neck, “Don’t move him,” he said. 

Sirens blared in the distance and Avery could just make out the red flashing lights of the first responders. She tried to open the door. She needed to see for herself that Grayson was breathing, but it wouldn’t budge. Apparently bullet-proof cars come with child locks. 

Avery watched as they put a brace around Grayson’s neck and slowly got him onto a backboard. She didn’t see much else as they loaded him into the ambulance, one of her security team riding along. She watched the firefighters spray water on the ball of flame that was once a jet as the rest of the security team made their way back to the SUV. The one in the passenger seat told Oren what hospital the three ambulances were going to. Avery hadn’t seen the other two injured men, her focus only on Grayson. 

Avery was taken directly to a hotel, despite her protests to go to the hospital. She paced the room as she waited for Oren to return with news. Suddenly, Avery realised she should let everyone know what happened, although someone probably notified them. Still, she got her phone out anyway and called Libby. 

“Avery! Nash just got a call. Something about a bomb on the plane, are you okay?” Libby was on the verge of tears. 

“I’m alright Libs, but…Grayson,” she took a deep breath, “Grayson’s hurt. I don’t know how bad it is; they won’t let me near the hospital.”

There was yelling in the background. “We’re on our way Avery.”

***********************************

Grayson squinted against the too bright lights. He groaned as the pain came flooding back. His head, ribs, shoulder, just about everything hurt. He tried to turn his head, but something wouldn’t let him. A gentle hand was on his shoulder when he tried to sit up. 

“You’re in the hospital. The plane exploded. They say you might need surgery.”

Grayson recognised the member of Avery’s security, but his name eluded him. If that ringing would stop maybe he could remember. 

A nurse walked in, “your c-spine is okay, so we can take that off your neck now. The trauma surgeon is reviewing your scans.”

After she left the room Grayson asked, “where’s Avery?”

“She’s safe, sir.”

The response sounded far away as black dotted his vision again. People around him started moving quickly and his bed was rolling down the halls. He was pulled from one bed to another. Someone was talking to Grayson, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Maybe something about oxygen. He let the darkness overtake him again. 

***********************************

“Maybe he’ll finally be rid of that stick up his ass,” Jameson sneered.

“That’s enough Jamie,” Nash said, striding over to take his brother by the arm. Nash pulled him into the bathroom, practically throwing Jameson inside. “We almost lost our brother and all you can do is make jokes. I know you two had your fights, but this is just sick.”

Jameson rolled his eyes, “Grayson will be awake and bossing everyone around again in no time at all. He’ll walk it off.”

Everyone took turns sitting in Grayson’s room. The second he was stable, they had him moved to Hawthorne House. Believing he would recover quicker if he was at home. Grayson still hadn’t woken up. Jameson wouldn’t stop telling anyone who would listen how quickly Grayson would bounce back, his voice shakier each time. Jameson had taken to sleeping in a recliner beside Grayson’s bed. It had been nearly a week since the bomb, while Grayson continued to improve physically, he wasn’t showing signs of waking anytime soon. Jameson’s attitude turned the third day he was home. He never left Grayson’s room, barely ate, and if they listened closely, they could hear Jamie’s shaky voice telling his brother how much he loved and needed him. That he was lost without his older brother and even though they fight he wants Grayson in his life more than anything. At night, Jameson didn’t stop any tears that fell as he held Grayson’s hand and stared at the sharp lines on the heart monitor, the only indication that his brother was still with him. 

Nash and Xander could barely get Jameson away long enough to take a proper shower. He was always back within a few minutes, hair wet, taking his spot again in the recliner. Avery tried to get Jameson to play chess, but that only upset him more. He and Grayson had learned together after all. Avery had no idea what to do. Jameson had never been this broken up about anything before. She would sit with him by Grayson’s bed, trailing her fingers up and down his arm. Sometimes she could get him to take a few bites of food, but most of the time he would just sip the water she would bring. Avery hated that she couldn’t constantly stay with the two of them. Some nights she would sleep on a cot set up in the room. Other nights she would stroke Jameson’s hair until he fell asleep, one hand resting on Grayson’s bed. 

Something stirred Jameson in the middle of the night. It took him a moment to hear the faint, scratchy voice asking, “Where? Where?”

He could hear the fear creeping into Grayson’s voice and he scrambled to turn on the lamp on a nearby table. Grayson groaned in pain at the sudden brightness. Jameson could hardly believe it; his brother was awake. Grayson’s eyes had finally opened. Jameson sniffled, trying not to tear up just yet.

“Where?”

Jameson rushed back to sit on the edge of the bed, “Home. You’re home Gray.”

Tears streamed down his face as he stared at Grayson. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead to his brother’s. “You woke up.”

Grayson wrapped an arm weakly around Jameson, “It’s okay Jamie. It’s okay now.”

Jameson sat back, it wasn’t okay yet. He had no idea how to begin. How to tell Grayson how afraid he had been. How worried everyone was. He knew he should call the doctor and get Grayson assessed, but he needed a few more minutes with his brother. 

Grayson reached for his brother’s hand, squeezing it as tightly as he could, “I love you too Jamie.”

************************************************************************

I'm slowly but surely getting requests written. Thank you for your patience!

[remnantsofthepast-if]

What exactly you didn't like in new da, if you don't mind asking? <3

Oof, where to start? There're quite a lot of things, not gonna lie, but most of them are spoilers so I'm going to stick to the non spoilery ones.

Let me begin by saying that I do like the game despite its clear flaws, and I understand that it must have been a tricky development with covid happening in between and a lot of important people who worked on previous games leaving. As a (somewhat of a) developer myself, I sympathise with that, but as a consumer I have to judge the end result I bought, and after waiting for a decade I just expected something more than what we got.

Putting my opinion under the cut because I get passionate about it. Hope you have time to spare, lol!

For starters, this game gets rid of the Keep and only has three choices to import. While most of the things in the Keep are not really important (especially since the game takes place in the north), that's already a bad start and rises serious concerns, mainly with the returning characters.

It also butchers half of the already existing lore, and contradicts another bunch of events that happened in previous games, like the Well of Sorrows. Harding talks about how the Inquisitor went to the altar of Mythal (which only happens if the Inquisitor drank from the Well), but then, during a conversation between Taash and Emmrich, they talk about how Morrigan turned into a dragon during the events of DAI (which only happens of she drank from the Well)

The pacing of the first half of the game is excruciatingly slow. There are a lot of parts that are there only to lengthen the game unnecessarily, and it can get very boring very fast.

The dialogues are... okay-ish, I guess? It's very obvious that they wanted to be socially correct. Way too much, in fact. They seemed so focused on being inoffensive that there’s little real conflict between characters or in the plot. There's a part where two characters apparently argue? Except that there's no real argument. I only knew because the game told me, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed because again, nothing really happened. And they were completely fine with one another after one conversation two minutes later.

All the companions feel rather dull to me, and some are incredibly annoying. For example, there was a series of quests regarding Solas that I enjoyed at lot, and the companions would get together to comment on it. It was a serious and very interesting subject, but then one of the characters would jump out of the blue to (try to) make some witty remark that only managed to take me out of the story.

Plus, the childish dialogue most of them have (all of them, really) doesn't help at all. Another problem of being socially correct in a game that's supposed to be dark. Most of the time, conversations with them feel more like talking to teenagers than adults.

And don't even get me started on how awful Taash's character is... And no, the problem is not their gender identity, but how it was handled. This ask I got about Albert/Lavina describes perfectly my problem with Taash.

Also, and this only happens with the spanish translation, why the fuck did they translate Harding's name? Why is the text calling her Encaje instead of Lace!? God, that pissed me off so much I ended up changing the text to english, lmao!

Lastly, what they did to some of the returning characters... Poor Isabela, smh. Thank goodness Morrigan doesn't have that big of a role, and that there's zero mention of the Warden and Hawke.

---

It's not as bad as I read in early reviews (thankfully!), and I'm still having fun with it. But I expected to get so invested that I'd end up making several runs like in previous games. Now I'm only playing once and probably forget about it for a long while. Hopefully when (if) I replay it I won't ditch it like I ditched my second run of MEA.

Anyway, TLDR: Mediocre at best. Good individual game, but pretty bad sequel. The only good thing this game does as a sequel is give those Inquisitors who romanced Solas a happy ending. That's pretty much it.

The name "Dragon Age" weights heavily on it. Probably the reason why I'm judging it so harshly.

Thanks for the ask, btw! That was entertaining xD Shame on me for spending more time writing this than a chapter of my story, lol!

[bangtaninborderland]

JHS- Dancing In The Rain

The weather had been awful all week, sowozoo was coming up and you could see how tense all the members were regarding the possibility of a rainy day befalling them.

You couldn’t keep count of the amount of times you’d had a call from hobi who was once again asking you to inform him of the weather updates from the news channels on TV.

With just two days before the concert you were thankful your husband was home, resting. He had a tendency to overwork himself, something he had mentioned he found comfort from in you. You had made sure to cook him his favourite dinner which he complained about, arguing he needed to maintain his weight. However after giving him a glare he stopped his protests immediately, after a few minuets he was groaning about how good it tasted.

You were relaxed to see him smiling, at home it wasn’t something he did much of, of course that didn’t mean he was unhappy or your relationship was dull. It just meant that with you he felt that he could be everything he couldn’t with everyone else, he didn’t feel like he had to show you the perfect sides of him because you had always told him you believed every side of him was as perfect as the rest.

Once you’d cleaned up, something he had argued to do but you’d declined, you joined him on the bed. He was reviewing videos from his earlier dance practice with the members. You knew how important this time was for him so simply laid next to him, your head on his shoulder as his hand lazily grazed through your hair.

“Dove?” He whispered, pulling you from the precipice of sleep.

You winced as you opened your eyes, the light in the room too bright. “What’s wrong baby?”

“Do you want to go for a walk with me?” He smiled, slipping his jacket on.

It was rare that you two had the ability to go out with one another unplanned, of course you jumped at the chance. “Let me just brush my teeth and change, okay?”

“Take your time.” He kissed your jaw before retreating to the kitchen.

You checked the clock before slipping into the bathroom, it was only 8pm yet the city was dark. Illuminated only by the lights escaping from buildings and business around you.

You brushed your teeth and ran a brush through your hair before applying some sunscreen and tinted chapstick. You threw on a pair of black jogging bottoms much similar to hobis and a green sweatshirt that was most definitely hobis.

“Ready?” He asked, holding a hand out to you.

You walked over to him, your feet moving faster than your body could. “All ready.”

You secured your arms around his waist as he did yours. You let yourself relax against him, the sandalwood scent of his cologne a welcome comfort. “You smell so good.” You hum against him.

“I think taehyungie got me it for my birthday.” He laughed, pulling back to hand you your shoes.

“Well can you ask him to buy some more?” You pleaded, a grin stretching across your lips.

He breathed in harshly. “Ah, it was expensive babe.”

You deadpanned. “He is a literal millionaire.”

“I am too you know, I can buy my own cologne.” He defends, feigning a frown.

“Hobi you refused to order food because there was a double charge for the weather.” You tie your laces before dipping up your own coat, Hoseok stands behind you holding your hair to ensure none of it gets caught.

“I’m rich not dumb, besides it was sunny.” His hand rests on your hip, his fingers drawing along your waistband causing a shiver to run down your spine.

He must have notices as his hand moves completely, this time wrapping around your neck. “All mine.”

“All yours.” You whisper.

“Maybe I should just take you back to bed hmm?” His lips are rough against your own, him clearly dominating the kiss.

You barely manage out a strangled moan as he slips his other hand between your legs. It’s barely there a few seconds before he pulls away.

“Wha-?” You stand there, dazed and confused. Slightly upset by the sudden loss of contact.

He simply laughs, his fingers linking yours before he opens the door. “Let’s go beautiful.

“You’re so mean.” You whine taking a step outside, he follows behind you locking the door.

“So how has work been?.” You rest your head against his shoulder as you walk around the back road, it wasn’t accessible to cars and it was irregular for anyone to be around except other residents but neither of you wanted to risk it so you had both made sure to take the usual black face masks, you had chosen a cap whereas Hoseok has chosen to sport his green beanie.

He looked around before answering, it was something he did out of reflex. Not wanting to alert anyone of his identity. “It’s been okay, we have been practicing non stop. Namjoon-ah has been staying late to help anyone who needs it, the same goes for Jimin.”

You smiled at how thoughtful the boys were. When you had first met hobi there had been some worried about your intentions but that disappeared as quickly as it formed. You and the other members becoming fast friends. “You forgot to mention yourself in that list.”

“Hmm?” He questions, sliding his free hand into his pocket.

“You’ve been coming home late practically every day for the past month, I know how the others always favour your method of teaching for dance. They feel assured when dance captain Jung isn’t scolding them.” You laugh, peeking up at him.

He follows suit, his own gaze blazing into yours. A flush of red coloured your face, you thanked the face mask otherwise you would have been embarrassed. Despite the fact you were married you could never understand just how Hoseok was able to have such a strong effect on you, a mere look from the man was enough to bring you to your knees.

“I’m not that scary baby.” He chuckles, checking a message that’s come through on his phone.

“Do you ever see those videos army makes of your “dance captain glare?”

“I do, jungkookie showed me one a few weeks ago. I scared myself but I promise it’s not anger I just look like that when I concentrate.” He frowns, staring at his phone screen. “Jimin asked if you wanted to go to dinner with us all after the concert?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” You nod, watching his face as he replies. “Scary captain jung.” You squeeze his hand, letting him know that you wasn’t serious. Worried you upset him as his frown deepens. “What’s wrong?”

“Rain.” He pouts dramatically, holding his phone towards you. A few drops of rainwater had run across the screen. It was light enough to go amiss.

You stayed hopeful as you chimed “maybe it will just be a few drops, do you want to go home or should we go to the store?”

He looked up to the sky as of hoping for an answer on wether or not the scattered raindrops were going to come full force. “I guess we could go to the store, it will pass.”

“Forever hopeful, my hobi.” You giggle, kissing him against his cheek through the mask.

“You know I think the hardest thing about working so late is that I miss you, I worry sometimes even after all these years that you’ll decide it’s all too much.” He rubs his thumb against the back of your hand, something you were sure he did to reassure himself.

You slowed your pace. “I wonder something if I’m too little, if I don’t give you as much as you give me. I think I remind myself that outside all of who we are and what we do we are just people, you are my Hoseok and just that.” You come to a pause to pull your mask down as you do his, kissing him quickly before slipping them back on.

“That’s why I married you.”

“Because I’m amazing?” You raise an eyebrow, jokingly.

He shakes his head and you do your best to muster a disappointed sigh. “Don’t do that, of course you’re amazing. I married you because you are the only person in the entire world that can make me feel like Jung Hoseok. Of course it’s like that with the members but that’s different because they are the same as me. You aren’t, not society wise. You are just as incredible and strong, not to mention out of this world intelligent but before you I never got to be just Hoseok. The second I get home it’s like I’m a normal person.”

You let his words hang in the air for a few moments, wanting to respond in a way where he felt heard. You always tried to take time before talking about something so serious. Words that were truly meaningful deserved to be thought about carefully. You drew in a breath before beginning with. L”You are and always will be a normal person hobi, you’ll always be someone worthy of privacy and respect. People often think just because you have done amazing things that the ordinary person hasn’t that you have done unfair or outward look on life. I remember the day I met you, standing there absolutely lost in the car park with your security trying to usher me away. I remember arguing with them because I had just as much right to be there as you, on our first date I felt mortified i had acting that way. I was prepared to walk into that cafe and apologise but now looking back I don’t regret it.”

“Every single day you amazing me more, how did I become so lucky, I could have had everything in the world but none of it would have meant half as much if I didn’t have you.” He brings his palm to your face, caressing your cheek. It was a small act of affection, it wasn’t something you did much of in public for obvious reasons but this was always special, intimate. A wordless way to say I love you.

You were 20 minuets away from the late night convenience store when the storm hit fully, you had huddled underneath the stores cover hoping it would pass but it didn’t and soon enough the space became too crowded that you were forced to move.

Hobi had tried to give you his jacket to cover yourself but you declined, slipping you hand into his before beginning to run, he followed along his legs matching your pace as you skated along the streets, you were both soaked but it didn’t matter. The echos of your laughter as you ran past people down to the backstreet was joyous. You were thankful you were able to keep up with Hoseok, his stamina much better than yours.

Sure enough your running turned to a jog and then to a light walk as you both panted, the rain still pounding against you both. “I can’t breathe.” Hoseok pants, reaching for the water bottle he had brought a mere five minuets ago.

He drank half before passing it to you which you accepted without question. You stood for a few minuets trying to keep your heart from beating out of your chest and your lungs from exploding before Hoseok pulled his hand into yours.

“What are we doing?” You giggle as he wraps his arms around your waist.

He checks around once again before pulling his face mask down along with yours. His smile warming you instantly. “Dancing in the rain.”

“Hobi you’ll get sick.” You decline, not wanting to risk putting him at an inconvenience right before the concert.

“We can worry about that tomorrow, right now I want to dance with my wife. I want to kiss her in the streetlights. I want to hear her tell me she loves me. Is that too much to ask?”

“Never.” You lean in to press your lips against his as you both sway, there was no music and you doubt this could even be considered dancing but you didn’t care.

The rain could fall four hours, it could thunder and flood but nothing could make you move. Nothing could steal you from this beautiful moment. Your husband laughing as he twirls you around in a manner that makes you feel like some princess, you blushing as he compliments you like he is trying to win you. It’s one you know will be told as a story for years to come.

You’d always talked about children, you both wanted them. You couldn’t wait to tell them the story of how their mother and father crazily danced in the rain at 9pm whispering confessions of love to one another.

After all, everyone loves a romance novel.

[petalsthefish]

Hello! I was thinking about you recently and realized your petalstofish account was gone, and I started to worry about you. Because that’s what I do. Maybe you said something about leaving your previous accounts and I missed it, that would be likely on my part. So I was thrilled when Dumbest Witch Alive showed up in my inbox and I found you here again! I hope you’re well!

Hi friend!! thank you so much for reaching out and for reading DWA!!!!I told @gryffindormischief last night that I genuinely threw up words onto paper and that’s the mess that came out lmao

Alsoooooo…I am so sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. I had mentioned only a couple of times that I was dealing with some health issues, but I never went into full detail, so I’m sure it looked odd when I just disappeared. 2023 was really hard year, and I stepped away from all social media except for my instagram for quite some time…but I’m really really excited to be back here and feeling more like Petals again. I missed everyone, and even in the year or so away, I knew eventually I would come back. I just didn’t want anyone to worry if I told them what was going on, so I figured a cold cut was easiest ♥️

Short story:

I was very ill, but I’m feeling SO much better!

Long Story:

Essentially, I had just moved back to Florida after being gone for four years in Arizona. When my old doctor in Florida saw me, they decided that the plaquinil treatments that I have been taking for my chronic illness for the last few years in Arizona had not been working. They decided to put me on this drug called methotrexate. It was chemotherapy in pill form, low dose, and it’s commonly used for people who have rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. My genetics love me so I have both RA and Lupus. So they thought it was a perfect match for me. It’s rare for people to have a super bad reaction to it, usually just fatigue and hair loss, but of course I managed to have like the worst reaction of all.

Due to multiple side effects, I ended up bed bound within a few days of starting my daily doses. During this time I could barely sit up and eat a meal. My mental health was plummeting anytime I allowed myself to have my phone in bed. I knew I had to do something else, before I totally crashed off the deep end. I would go on and see all my friends at Taylor’s era tour, and I’d had to sell my tickets. I was missing birthdays, movies, long planned trips with friends. I was SO lost in a way I can’t even begin to describe.

Even though my wonderful parents moved me in with them and got me a second opinion, by the time the new doctor got me off of the methotrexate and onto a new drug, it took another few months for my body to complete expel it from my system. So I was down for the count from March to October.

Thankfully, I’m feeling SOOO much better now and have a wonderful doctor who listens to me and never tells me my feelings aren’t valid. Once I had a better grasp mentally and physically, and I felt okay enough to start writing and reading and reviewing again, I decided to return to social media. Im actually super excited because I start physical therapy this week, which is a huge step, and I no longer need to use FMLA every week at work. Yay!

ALSOOOO not wholly related but some bot stole PetalsToFish SO HERE I AM WITH A NEW NAME. THANKS BOTS🤪

Xoxo

If u read all the way thru this I owe you an ice cream sundae

[haphira]

Miraculous Ladybug and the Valiant Annuler By: Haphira

38. Step 2 – Action; Chat Noir, Superhero...? - chat gets his miraculous taken  

After the eventful night Marinette had, her bed was calling her. Sleep came easily for once and Marinette woke up feeling refreshed, it was a nice change of pace. Her morning at school was pleasant too, most everyone said hi to her. School was uneventful, and Lila had made herself scarce again, Marinette didn’t have to deal with her which was a blessing.  

Adrien was oddly quiet, Marinette noticed that he seemed distracted, which means he would pay less attention to her. Marinette was thankful, she didn’t have those butterfly feelings anymore, but Adrien made her feel... disappointed, she could admit that now. The way he decided to handle Lila was wrong, the way he lied about supporting Marinette, the way he went after her for not being the perfect “everyday ladybug” he wanted her to be, it was all wrong. Yeah, she was done with the weight of that pressure. Adrien wasn’t the “sunshine child” she thought he was, more naïve than she thought. She didn’t hate him... but she didn’t like him anymore. It was a complicated feeling. She held no romantic feelings for him anymore and Marinette wasn’t sure about being friends with him. She was sitting on the fence with that. Marinette doesn’t believe he did anything maliciously, but the ignorance hurt. Adrien wasn’t the person she thought he was. And that’s okay, Marinette believed in the best of him, and he fell flat, that just makes him human. But... If she ever pursued a friendship with him, it would be a while before she trusted him.  

Shaking the thoughts away, Marinette refocused back to the last class of the day, Mrs. Bustier was droning on about fairy tales again. Marinette couldn’t help but think of the last time, where she had to kiss Chat Noir to break the hate spell on him. It was NOT an action she wanted to repeat. Speaking of Chat Noir, Marinette reviewed the plan in her head one more time, she couldn’t wait to be free of Chat. Chat just made her angry and uncomfortable, before he got obsessed with her, he was an okay partner, he supported her, gave her the right words she needed to hear to keep moving forward. He was a bit silly and goofy but a good person. At least that was what Marinette originally thought. Now though, she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He turned into someone Marinette didn’t agree with or could work with. All past friendly feelings were gone, and that made her sad. But she wouldn’t dwell on it, it was way past time she thought of herself first.  

Realizing that class was almost done, she packed her things so she could rush out and get the plan to take Chat Noir’s ring put into motion. Once the bell rang, Marinette was out of her seat, and in a second out of the classroom door, she thought she might have heard her name being called but she wasn’t sure, so she ignored it and ran home.  

Marinette greeted her parents in the bakery and told them she was going to be out for a while. She threw her bag on her desk and went up to the skylight. She breathed deeply for a moment and focused on what she was going to do, but before she could transform the Akuma Alert went off. Groaning, Marinette transformed and hooked her yoyo to a tall building and leapt into the air.  

As Ladybug scanned the city, she found the Akuma. The Akuma for the most part was just yelling and turning people into fairytale characters, not overly dangerous, but annoying. Then she spotted him. Chat Noir was on a building across from her, just sitting and watching the Akuma wreak havoc. Anger bubbled in Ladybug’s chest. “Chat Noir, what are you doing?!” Ladybug landed in front of the Akuma, some girl dressed like a princess yelling about fairy tales being real and glared up at Chat for a moment before refocusing on the Akuma. She didn’t have the time to deal with him.  

Ladybug did a quick look over and thought the Akuma had to be in her mask. She yelled for Chat again, but he didn’t respond, just passively watching and doing nothing.  

Ladybug was beyond pissed at Chat Noir, after calling her lucky charm, a fishhook, she proceeded to defeat the Akuma after a few throws with the hook attached to her yoyo to grab the mask. After releasing the butterfly and the girl apologizing for being Akumatized, Ladybug faced where she heard Chat land behind her.  

Chat looked nonplussed at LB, and Ladybug was barely containing her anger, she was partly surprised Hawkmoth didn’t try to send a butterfly for her, but she did just finish dealing with his most recent Akuma. 

“Follow me.” Ladybug commanded and raced across the rooftops to the Eiffel tower, going to the top where they couldn't be overheard. Ladybug didn’t look back to see if Chat was following her, at this point, she almost didn’t care, almost.  

“What was that today, Chat Noir?” Ladybug asked in a calm voice, if Chat had been paying attention, that should have warned him something was off. Behing him, Ladybug saw Sionnach, Hachi, and Dìonadair creep up behind him and got into position.  

“Just proving my point Bugaboo, you need me.” Chat grinned like he just ate the canary, and leaned on his staff, relaxing his body, and completely unaware of the growing storm he was about to face.  

Ladybug stared at him, thinking about how she wanted to respond and go through with her plans. Sighing, Ladybug reached out to take Chat’s hands, which he eagerly reciprocated. 

“Chat Noir, I think you were right. It was foolish of me to think I could do this alone. That I could take down Akumas by myself, that I do need a partner to fight with me.” Ladybug looked up from their joined hands to stare Chat in the face. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning, he was so giddy. Swallowing hard, Ladybug gathered her courage to do the next step.  

“This whole idea that we are soulmates, that we are made for each other, well it just scared me.” Well, it terrified her, Ladybug never wanted to be chained to someone like Chat Noir, “But I know what I have to do now, I know I have to change for the better.” Ladybug nodded, which was the signal for Dìonadair to put up Shell-ter around them, Sionnach to produce smoke so no one outside the superheroes could see and Hachi kept hidden away, waiting to see if she was needed to sting Chat Noir.  

It was over in a flash, Chat had closed his eyes, missing the flashes of light of other superpowers being used around him and started to lean into Ladybug and pucker his lips. Ladybug quickly slid the ring off his finger, there was a flash of green light, then Chat realized that his transformation was no longer on, and Ladybug stashed the ring in her yoyo and took a step back.  

Adrien Agreste stood in shock staring at Ladybug and Ladybug was desperately trying to hide the horror of discovering who Chat Noir had been. Shock turned into anger for Cha-Adrien, “You-you tricked me?!” Ladybug took another step back, at this point Adrien finally noticed LB’s reaction to him.  

Horror and disgust were at war on her face, Ladybug thought back on all the times Adrien flirted with her in battle, or Chat telling her that Lila’s lies don’t matter. Flipping Adrien and Chat interchangeably with each past memory. The boy she thought she knew better now, had betrayed her again.  

“M’Lady?” That snapped Ladybug out of her thoughts, and she put up a front and hid her emotions.  

“Adrien Agreste, I hereby renounce you as the black cat miraculous wielder, you have been found unworthy of holding a Miraculous.” 

“You can’t do this!” 

“Yes, I can, I am the Guardian in training, and I must think of what is best for me and Paris. You, Agreste, have proven that you cannot be trusted or relied on in the battle against Hawkmoth.” Adrien reached out to Ladybug, but she just took another step back away from him, keeping a minimal three feet of distance inside the Shell-ter. 

“This is your mess, from your actions as Chat Noir, deal with the consequences.” Ladybug took her yoyo from her hip and ready it to leave, Adrien was still standing there with confusion and anger on his face.  

“What do you mean? I did nothing wrong!” Adrien exclaimed.  

“The fact that you can say that proves you have no awareness of your actions. You are unsuited for the cat.” Adrien bristled at the comment.  

“You need me, there is no better Cat than me! You’ll see Ladybug, you will come back to me!” Adrien yelled after her. Then beeping could be heard, echoing three times in the enclosed area. Adrien finally realized his surroundings. Dìonadair and Sionnach stood side by side behind him, as he turned around Hachi came out and stung him in the back, freezing him in place. Ladybug and Hachi walked around him to join the others, finally dispersing the shield and mirage. Adrien would have had his eyes bugging out of his head if he could move. Ladybug had betrayed him for the fake heroes. Anger coursed through him, but he could do nothing but stand there, still as a statue.  

“Goodbye, Agreste.” Ladybug said without turning back, and the four superheroes went off into the air together, never once looking back.  

Chapter 39

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Three

Previously

EP goes on a date (that she does not describe fully which irritated me because it's lazy writing)

during said date she's asked "when did you know" which means "when did you start liking things traditionally done/enjoyed by boys/men but can also definitely totally be done by girls/women as well"

EP says "four" which is not a thing

this leads to a very long and trying chapter about how EP did things that again, you can do if you are a girl, or if you are actually just a child of either sex

EP tries to make friends

EP has a boyfriend; they get called "f slurs" by teenagers and EP revels in being thought of as a boy (note: she just has a short haircut)(also second note: who revels in being called a slur? Jesus)

there is a lengthy discourse about a boat explosion in 1917 Halifax which is tangentially related to things being discussed in the chapter but interested me enough to go learn more about it today

EP refers to Halifax's gay community in 1917 as "queer" and your reviewer ended the night before she put her fist through the wall of her very, very hot apartment

You can now find previous parts of this readthrough here.

Now

Chapter Four

EP and her mom move to a new home

it is nice; people do normal people things there

Not a boy.

EP talks about playing in the bathtub with action figures; again, this is a thing that all kids did

her mom supports her imaginative play

EP has a crush on the girl in Honey I Shrunk the Kids

EP's mom is a good teacher

together they watch hockey and eat Canadian food (ketchup chips burned my tongue off last year when I visited but hey nobody's perfect)

There is a three-paragraph stint here that got me in the chest.

So let's talk this one through. A female child didn't like wearing restrictive clothing that female children are made to wear. Tights are awful no matter if you think you're a boy or not. No one should wear them. (I am correct on this and I do not take notes.) Dresses are confining and most girls are told to not do certain things when you're in them. Your humble reviewer wore dresses almost every single day throughout her childhood so she climbed trees, rode her bicycle, went wading, performed science experiments, jumped rope, hid during hide and seek, went sledding, and played any number of other games and sports in them. Was I told to stop, to be more feminine, to be a young lady, to be more "modest"? Yes. Would it have been easier in pants? Fuck yes. But I wasn't going to stop doing the things I wanted because I was wearing dresses and tights.

"Boy as friends should have been over"? What? Is there an age where one cannot be friends with a boy? It must be older than 36, because I am younger than 36 and still friends with many boys. They are now called men, of course, but I have had friends who were boys for all of my childhood and teenage years and my Catholic mother didn't find that strange. (After all, Jesus had many friends who were boys, and many friends who were girls.)

Mothers sometimes want things for you that you don't want but they want. It is okay to let go of those things. It is okay to start to forge your own path. Wear dresses when they want, once a year or whatever. Play nice. Take it off as soon as you can. Learn to negotiate "nice pants and a sweater" into the equation as soon as you can. It doesn't mean you're a boy.

And EP's Mom - who sounds a lot like my mom on this topic - was right - being someone who is GNC or who is even a bit different (for instance, someone who might be a closeted lesbian) is going to make your life more difficult, because kids are assholes who believe strongly in pattern recognition so any outlier is going to be attacked. My huge imaginary world was built to protect me from all of the bullying I received. I was happiest alone because no one bullied me there. I still wasn't a boy. I was just a weird kid who would one day realize she was a lesbian.

EP says she has never doubted her mom's love for her

but she feels like her mom didn't know how to say "no" to things that were harmful and her mom made her conform because she didn't know what else to do

EP tells a story about trips she and her mom would take to a beach where they did things like enjoy the natural scenery and pretend they had walkie talkies

it leads to this

This is why thirty-somethings have no business writing memoirs, and it's only half-because of the sappy dramatic writing. EP, you are still free. You can still have any kind of relationship with your mom you want. You can even make your relationship better.

EP liked snow days

she and her mom went to Tim Hortons and got hot beverages

sledding was also nice and leads to further fanciful writing

I'm getting to a point in this book where I'm honestly wondering how it's going to end. And I don't mean that in a a negative way (although there are times when I'm reading that I have to physically push on my lips because I feel like I'm wading through molasses trying to make sense of it all), but in the way that EP and I come from not dissimilar backgrounds, had not dissimilar childhoods, and - so far - have similar feelings about those things, and I need to know how it gets from Point A to Point B. We both came out as lesbians, we both have gender dysphoria. I want to know what the justification was for the massive body modification and a trans identity over therapy, or if EP's going to talk about therapy at all. I want to know how she settled on leaving her wife. I want to know if she thinks of herself as straight.

I can honestly only read one or two chapters a night because some of this hurts - it feels too close to home. I am understanding how someone like EP, like me, like a lot of weird and maybe undiagnosed girls, gets to a point where "not being a girl" is the best choice. I want to know what the tipping point is.