#I think he thinks it’s fine cause they told me it’s probably not cancer but I have to go for the tests to actually rule it out

[raeathnos]

.

[paradoxcase]

Gideon the Ninth audiobook, through to the end of the book

I finally rebooted into linux again and finished listening

New voice:

The text says John's voice is "bittersweet" and "scratchy", I'm not sure if this voice matches the description and it also doesn't say " trying to be a cool goofy dad" to me, either. I dunno, maybe I'll get used to it during the next book

Other stuff:

Camilla: "[Palamedes] doesn't get distracted" with the narration adding, "as if this had caused difficulties in the past." Haha

Anastasia's note says "ask EJG", which obviously stands for "Emperor John Gaius"

Judith says "no one should ever have to watch their cavalier die" which mimics Gideon saying the opposite during the pool scene

Ianthe says that none of the challenges could be completed by yourself (without a cavalier), but that wasn't actually true of the Sixth House challenge, was it? The one with the molar. That could be completed by a necromancer alone, and that's also the one that Cytherea completed and retrieved the key for without anyone else's help

Also according to Ianthe, Babs didn't help her solve any of the challenges, and she said that it was harder working them all out by herself. I wonder if that's just because Ianthe didn't want to let Babs in on anything she was doing or because Babs refused to help for some reason. Teacher claims he gave the facility key to Babs, but Babs didn't say anything about them having one after the first murders, and I feel like he probably would have if he knew, and also he definitely would have told Corona about it

Ianthe thinks Lyctorhood is "the same thing" as soul siphoning, but more humane. I am honestly really questioning now what it is about soul siphoning that makes it so heinous to these characters when most of them are perfectly fine with things like Lyctorhood, the life siphoning, and all the Weekend at Bernie's stuff. Like, if it's because souls are sacred, then why isn't burning a soul inside yourself as an energy source for eternity also wrong?

Colum seems to come back to himself briefly before being possessed by the devil thing. I'm not sure how this fits into what we've been told about soul siphoning or the devils, honestly. Is Colum able to come back on his own? He was objecting to being siphoned in this scene. If he did come back, how was the devil able to possess him if he was alive and occupying his body?

I'm not sure when Palamedes leaves to go confront Cyhtherea. The last we see of him before that scene is him examining the YOU LIED TO US message and coming to the conclusion that Cytherea has been there before, but Gideon doesn't know where he is when the fight between Ianthe and the Eighth House starts. Harrow claims she saw him come out of the room after Camilla, but I think she's the only one to claim that she saw him at that point and Harrow's observations can be suspect. I can't think of a reason for her to hallucinate Palamedes still being there, but maybe it was just because she expected him to be there. Palamedes also later says in The Unwanted Guest that he didn't personally witness Gideon fighting and only got information on that from Camilla, but Gideon definitely did some fighting after Colum was possessed by the devil. Then again, Gideon also had that brief scuffle with Camilla back when we first meet her and Palamedes

Prior to Palamedes exploding himself, the text says "Five people had died that day." I'm not sure if the fifth person after Marta, Babs, Mayonnaise Uncle, and Colum is Teacher, who is arguably not really a person, or Judith, who did not actually die

I think Ianthe gloating about how she became a Lyctor probably helped Palamedes figure out that Cytherea was one, and that Lyctorhood had preserved her in an almost-dead state for 10,000 years, which therefore helped him realize that he could just manually advance her cancer to kill her. Before Ianthe spelled it out, he didn't believe that his hypothesis was actually correct, because he thought John was better than that

Cytherea says that one of her goals was to destabilize the Empire by killing off the heirs to all of the Houses. Since that actually did happen, and all of the heirs and their cavaliers either died, ascended to Lyctorhood, or were abducted by BOE, I'm now wondering if that plan worked and things really were destabilized by this. The Ninth House got an influx of new population and their heir actually became a Lyctor/Saint, but at the cost of there now being no one to continue Anastasia's line. I'm not sure if that counts as a positive or a negative for them (before the devils showed up, anyway)

Cytherea claimed that Teacher scared her. Like I said previously, I'm not sure I actually believe her. Based on the room that had the Teacher-related stuff in it, I believe he would have been Cassiopeia's project

Wait, now I'm wondering if Teacher's death, and the subsequent release of all of the souls that made him up had something to do with the first appearance of a devil like 30 minutes later

Cytherea's voice when she announces her true name is very different than how she's been voiced so far, but she does switch back into the "Dulcinea" voice several times during the subsequent fight, mostly when addressing Gideon

"Cytherea" is pronounced with a voiced th, which is the way it's pronounced in the English word "cytherean", but that word has different pronunciations for the c and second e than in the Locked Tomb

Harrow strapped Gideon's sword to her back when she brought it to her here, just like she later does in Harrow the Ninth

The "we do bones, motherfucker" line is even funnier when Moira Quirk says it

This final battle was over an hour long, wow, I thought it felt like it went on forever when reading the ebook, but it really does go on forever. This is officially a Peter Jackson approved audiobook

Cytherea compares both Gideon and Camilla to Loveday during this battle, and talks about how she'd like to have them as cavaliers. This feels kind of weird and offensive both to Gideon and Camilla, and also to Loveday?

I think it's interesting to note that there's a moment where Ianthe saves Gideon from getting killed by possessed!Colum, and another moment later when Ianthe saves Camilla from getting killed by Cytherea. It's kind of weird to think of Ianthe playing the role of the cavalry in this book after reading the other two, and seeing Ianthe responding to Harrow almost getting killed by G1deon by saying "yikes!" and leaving immediately

Cytherea: "I always wanted a little sister" Ianthe: "I've tried the sister thing already, and I wasn't any good at it." She really did come off as being a little at odds with Corona in this book, but after reading the rest, I'm not sure she actually means it?

Ianthe eats her own hair and flesh during this fight and the one with Colum and Mayonnaise Uncle, but I don't think we see her doing this at all during Harrow the Ninth. I guess it's like Harrow and the bone chips - after becoming a Lyctor she eventually figures out she doesn't need to do that anymore

Cytherea says that Gideon is as brave as G1deon, but prettier, which lines up after having read the other books

When Gideon is getting ready to kill herself, Harrow says "what are you doing?" and Gideon says "the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to you." I think it's interesting that she can understand that here, but doesn't seem to remember it when she reappears in Harrow the Ninth and thinks that Harrow tried to remove her because she hated her

John tells Harrow that Cytherea was his most loyal Lyctor - but wouldn't that have been G1deon?

John somehow knows the Ninth is dying here, and it's not explained how, and I don't think it is ever explained how in the other two books, either. John didn't know that Harrow's parents had killed 200 children, so how did he know it was in need of more citizens?

[m1ss-n0mer]

VENT

My mother is so annoying about gender/sexuality. She says she’s supportive and she’s probably trying to be but she’s just not good at it.

I go by he or it. My mother knows this. Usually she refers to me using she/her but she remembers she shouldn’t if we happen to be talking about gender. In those cases she uses they/them even though I have repeatedly told her those aren’t my fucking pronouns.

Also once I made a joke about maybe getting top surgery when I’m older and she was so horrified all she talked about for the next few months was how bad an idea transition, and she still does sometimes even though it’s died down. Her reasons being:

Testosterone causes people to be more reckless and aggressive. After you take it you dream less, you get fat, you grow more body hair, you become less desirable, and you can’t get pregnant if you want to.

You pay so much money for it, and it’s all just plastic surgery companies saying that everything will be better if you do it

She says those who are happy with the results are only happy because of the sunken cost fallacy

She ‘has a friend’ who works with trans ppl and says that all trans men only want it to pass and they usually aren’t happy with the results

She ‘has a friend’ who works for cps and has met trans kids who ‘just seem to think everything will get better when they transition’

Women who lost their breasts because of cancer really miss them and it’s a tragedy

I should keep looking like a conventionally attractive girl so that I can get better jobs

She joined a fb page of trans men and described them all as ‘fat, ugly, hairy, boring looking, etc’ and said how they looked prettier before they transitioned. I looked at some of the pictures. They looked fine and even if they didn’t, they looked visibly happier

‘Your brain isn’t fully mature until 25 so you should wait until that age to know for sure’

Trans people should learn to be comfortable in their bodies

I’d have to shave more so it wouldn’t be worth it (I also wouldn’t bleed so hard every month that I faint and throw up if it’s too hot but ok)

Top surgery scars are ugly and my future partners will hate me for getting rid of my perfect, gorgeous breasts

Also I casually mentioned I might be on the aro and/or ace spectrum at one point, and she just went on about how relationships ‘don’t necessarily form because of love, but because of circumstance’ and how ‘you won’t be able to find a partner who doesn’t want sex.’

Also I mentioned that one of my friends is asexual and she just straight up said it ‘must be because of trauma.’

Also she seems think the only reason I know my identity so well is because I was ‘given too much time to think about it’

Also ALSO whenever I ask for masc things like buying a binder or wearing a suit to an event rather than a dress, she’s not that receptive. (In the former case I had to remind her several times and in the latter she wanted me to at least wear SOMETHING feminine because I’m genderfluid not a full trans boy, so I ended up wearing sth more femme than I would have liked. Then she suggested we make a more feminine version just in case I feel like a girl that day. THAT IS THE FEMININE VERSION.

And I’d not even mention the bit about having to remind her to buy me a binder but when I expressed a SLIGHT interest in make up, the bought me a massive box to experiment with several days later. Like, she’s clearly desperate to have someone feminine because she finds masculinity unattractive.

[i-am-xp-64]

Guess I'm bored and wanted to make some little lores

So I make that old incer mental hospital owner an oc

I tried to make her look like the one I drew-

I were have no idea how she can look like so I just drew this shet, but now her re design is was gorgeous and even have a lore lol

Cassie Berino were an grown lady who owns the incer mental hospital, she were always loved to be an hospital owner due to her trauma about losing her father cause of his mental breakdown (he su!c!de after cause of it), she always wanted to help the once who's mental broken and heal them, that's why she study doctor, she were a sunshine person, always try her best to make everyone happy, and Dr Albert were her last victim of it, ever since they met, Cassie always try to make him laugh, no matter what he says she never leave him, and soon they become closer and one day Cassie didn't showed up, Cassie were having horrible lung pain and barely able to breathe, her mother take her to a hospital and she found out she has lung cancer, that broke her badly, when her friends find out, they start to get away from her, everyone expect Albert, Albert were also find Cassie's actions annoying but also felt bad that a sunshine like her got cancer, he and her start to hangout more and Albert try his best to help Cassie about her healthcare and beat her cancer, months pass and they both open their hospitals, they celebrate it with a picnic, it was nice, they were took out a radio and dance together, then Cassie thinks, and she got an doubt, she told Albert that what if she didn't survive till too long because that was killing her, Albert told her to not say those words and told her that everything will be fine and she will beat her cancer, then Cassie asks Albert "if something happens..can you take care of my hospital for me? And if something happens to you..ill take care of yours" that make Albert chuckle, he were fully believed that Cassie will beat the cancer but he kept the promise, after some days, it was the 2th anniversary of Cassie's hospital open so Albert wanted to surprise her with a rose, he when to her house and her mother greets him, she were not so healthy but seem alright, Albert realize that Cassie didn't woke up yet so he decided to surprise her in the bed, he go to her room and see her laying on her bed, he lean closer and whisper to her to wake up, Cassie didn't answer, so he thought "hm..you really like to make me embarrass myself, aren't you?" Get lean close and kiss her in the check, maybe she'll shock and woke up, but she didn't move at all, Albert start to get worried and shake her gently, calling her name, bit when his hand get to her chest, he didn't felt a heartbeat at all..Cassie were not breathing, Albert panic and carry her to the hospital, some hours later the doctors told him that she were died during her sleep, that hit Albert badly, he promised her that she will beat the cancer, but lung cancer had other ideas, after that day, Cassie Berino passed away, and like Albert promised, he took care of her hospital, no one know what happened to the body, Albert didn't tell anything about that, to be honest that so..weird, But he probably had some ideas for her, since he's like a scientist, you know what that mfs do.

I also draw them, look!

👉👀👈

Their last dance ✨

I want what they had-

Lmao

Damn, that series gave me insane lore ideas, I'm glad I created that series

Dr Albert Morgan belongs to @weirdsillycreature btw-

Hope you like the lore and the arts brah :3💖💖💖💖

[sebstanaddict]

Too Good To Be True

Sebastian Stan x Reader Story

Summary: A romantic comedy story where Sebastian Stan falls in love with reader but she is not who he thinks she is.

What was a dream came true turned into a nightmare for reader when she found out her mother was sick. She was forced to do something she didn't want to do in order to visit her mother and she was faced with the greatest dilemma of her life. Sebastian or her mom?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 19/28 (Might add more)

Chapter list >

Warning : fluff, illness and death reference

Word count : 10k words

---

Chapter 19 - Nightmare

Somewhere in Los Angeles, California - August 14th 2023, 9.30 am

The silence in the car was deafening as she registered the information Aurora just gave her.

Her mother had cancer?!

Her heart dropped to her stomach as she heard it. It couldn't be!

"Give me the phone." Y/n said, her voice shook as she felt her heartbeat raised and her whole body felt weak.

Aurora immediately gave her cellphone to her and watched as she called her father's number.

"Hello." Her father answered.

"Dad.. mom has breast cancer?" She asked, blinking rapidly as she tried to stop herself from crying.

"Y/n? Yes, I.. I just told you. Wait.. you sound different." Her dad responded and she sighed.

"Ahem... yes.. I.. I was crying a little." She said, trying to make her sound more like herself.

"Oh honey. I've been wanting to tell you but your mom wouldn't let me." Her father replied and she raised her eyebrows.

"But why? Why wouldn't she let me know?"

"She.. umm.. She didn't want to bother you. You have been out of work for months and this is your first job after getting laid off so she didn't want to cause trouble for you."

"Oh mom.. " She sighed again. Her mother's selfless behavior was something she admired and inherited but sometimes it was too much.

"Besides, we weren't sure. There was a couple of weeks wait until the whole diagnosis came out and it finally came out today and well... it's not good."

"Oh dad.. I'm so sorry." She couldn't help but feel tears streaming down her face.

"Yeah.. me.. me too." Her father sniffled and she couldn't help but cry even more.

"How is she now?" She asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"She's.. Well.. as fine as someone with breast cancer can be. You know it has spread to her lungs but it's not big. The doctors are telling her to get surgery, chemo and radiation. But, we need to talk to you before we decide anything because you know.. There are probably alternatives out there that we can try. We need to ask your opinion on them."

"Oh.. yeah. There are alternatives aside from conventional treatments."

"Yeah.. so.. I think it's best if you could come here so we can figure this out together as a family."

"Yeah.. yeah.. Of course, dad. I'll come there as soon as I can."

"Great! Thank you so much sweetie. Let me know when you're going to come."

"I will."

"Okay. Bye now. Love you sweetie."

"Bye dad. I love you too.. And tell mom I love her too."

"I will."

And with that she finally hung up the phone. As soon as she hung up she started crying again. She couldn't believe what was happening. One moment she was happy with Sebastian and now suddenly she was faced with the possibility of losing her mother for good?

"I'm.. sorry.." Aurora said and she sniffled. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Thank you, Aurora."

"So.. what are you going to do?" Aurora asked.

"I..no.. we need to go and visit my parents. I can't let you go alone."

"What? And leave the situation with my family behind?!"

"Aurora.. " She sighed, not believing how selfish she could still be. "My family's situation is a life and death situation! Yours is.. Well.. we can deal with it later!" She shouted, gritting her teeth.

"Fine, but I won't go unless you promise me something." Aurora said and she just rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"Break up with Seb and marry Adam."

"What?!" Her jaw dropped.

"Break up with Seb otherwise I won't come with you." Aurora clarified and she felt like strangling her neck.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yes! You want me to come with you to visit your parents, in return for that I just need you to marry Adam so my parent's company will fall to me and not that bitch cousin of mine!" Aurora shouted, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes glinted with anger.

She closed her eyes and leaned back on the chair, not believing Aurora would force her to choose between two people that she loved the most. Of course, she knew she would never sacrifice her mother for anyone, not even Sebastian. But to also marry a man she didn't love? Heck, a man she didn't know? How she wished they were switched back that very moment. She never expected herself to want to switch back to her own body as much as she did that day.

"So?" Aurora asked and she opened her eyes.

"Fine. I'll break up with Seb." She said dejectedly.

"And marry Adam." Aurora continued.

"Look.. about that. I barely know the man. Can you just.. I don't know, give me more time to think about that?" She asked.

"But that's the only way I can guarantee myself to inherit my dad's company!" Aurora protested.

"Aurora.. Are you sure you're willing to sacrifice your love life for your dad's company?" She asked but soon regretted asking her that. She didn't need to ask. Aurora never had a love life as far as she knew.

"Yes!" Aurora replied. "Men are trash anyway, unless they can give me some kind of advantage."

She rolled her eyes at that and couldn't believe a person like Aurora existed.

"But we're switched forever! It's not YOU who are going to inherit your dad's company. It's ME! And it's not YOU who are going to marry a jerk. It's ME!" She shouted, finally losing her patience with her.

"But if we switch back, I can still inherit my dad's company." Aurora insisted.

"Ooh I would love for us to switch back but how? How?!" She asked, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I don't know but we'll figure it out. There is no way! No way I'm staying in your body forever! That Gypsy woman may be dead but there are other people like her out there that can help us out! I'm sure of it!"

She stared as Aurora stared back at her defiantly. Aurora was right, there must be someone out there that could help them switch back. Or maybe they can switch back naturally as long as they already learned their lessons, like what happens in movies.

"Wait.. maybe we just need to learn our lessons. You know, like in the movie Freaky Friday?" She said.

"I've never seen that movie. Isn't that like.. A kid's movie or something?" Aurora scoffed.

"Well, maybe but it's more like a family movie." She explained, annoyed at Aurora's remarks.

"Whatever. What happens in the movie?" Aurora asked and she proceeded to explain the movie and how it ended.

"So, based on the movie we just need to learn the lesson of appreciating and understanding each other, then we can switch back!" She said, snapping her fingers.

"Okay.. so, I need to appreciate you more? Is that it?" Aurora asked.

"Yes. And as hard as it is, I also need to appreciate you more." She said and Aurora rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I'll start. Y/n.. after spending a month in jail as you, I now understand how hard it is being ugly and talentless and to be broke. Because of that I will never ever mock you or make fun of you ever again, because that hurts. Even if it's true. There." Aurora said and she sighed.

"Okay.. well.. Aurora.. After spending a month as you I now understand that being you is not as great as it seems. There are things you deal with like being lonely and being looked down on by your family and I think I kind of understand where you're coming from and why you are the way you are. I think deep down you're just insecure." She said and Aurora narrowed her eyes at that.

"You think I'm insecure?" Aurora asked, raising her voice a little.

"Well.. a little, and I understand that and I appreciate that you can hide it and still be an amazing.. Umm.. model." She said as Aurora glared at her.

"There. Let's not make this into another shouting match, shall we?" She said and Aurora nodded.

"Fine. What do we do now?" Aurora asked.

"Umm.. maybe try and close our eyes?" She said doubtfully.

"Okay." Aurora nodded and she leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes.

She tried to really feel deep sympathy towards Aurora's problems and understand her life more, even though it was hard, especially compared to her own life situation. Her mind wandered back to her mother and she couldn't help but feel her eyes prickled.

Then a breeze went past them and her heart jumped at that.

She opened her eyes once the breeze had left them and turned to the side to find..

Her face staring back at her.

Her heart plummeted at that.

"Ugh! This is not working!" Aurora protested.

"Look.. maybe we will switch back tomorrow after we sleep tonight. Or.. there is something else we need to do. In the meantime, until we figure that out, I think we should take things step by step. Right now we need to go and visit my parents. After that I'll fix things with your parents and we'll try and figure out how to switch back after that. If we haven't switched back by then."

"Okay. I agree." Aurora nodded.

It felt strange to her that she and Aurora would agree on something, but maybe that was the first step they needed until they could switch back.

"Good." She nodded and she turned the car's engine back on and drove them back to Aurora's castle.

-

7135 Hollywood Blvd, Penthouse, Los Angeles, California - August 14th 2023, 8 pm

Y/n sighed as she sat on the dining table alone, staring at the vegetarian lasagna she made earlier that evening for dinner.

Sebastian's shoot was scheduled until 6 in the afternoon that day and he was supposed to be already home. But it was 8 and he still had not come home.

After she picked Aurora up in the morning they went back to her castle and she started the preparation to visit her parents. Her parents lived in Berkeley, California. She had booked a flight for the next day and told her dad she was coming.

She also talked a bit with her mom but somehow she couldn't talk much. She ended up just crying and her mom seemed to also cry at the other end so they ended up not talking much. She missed her mom so much and really wished she and Aurora could switch bodies the next day. She couldn't imagine visiting her parents and had to act like she was Aurora the whole time.

But of course she had no idea if she and Aurora were going to switch bodies again the next day. All she could do was pray and hoped that they would.

Aurora almost didn't let her go to Sebastian's penthouse that evening. But she insisted by telling her that she was going to break up with him that night. So in the end Aurora gave her permission to go.

Yes, breaking up with Sebastian. That was the plan. She wasn't sure if she could do it. But she needed to. For her mom's sake.

She didn't want to do it over the phone or text obviously. She needed to talk to him in person and tell him everything.

She knew cooking for him wasn't going to make things easier but this was the last time she could cook for him so she decided to just do it.

She was about to pick up her cellphone to give him a call when the elevator at the entrance opened and Sebastian came in.

He looked tired but his face brightened immediately as soon as he saw her.

"Mi reina! I'm so happy you're here!" He said, walking in long strides towards her.

She stood up and smiled at him.

"Of course I'm here. I told you I would be here." She said as he finally reached her and immediately gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry I came home late. Anthony was making a ruckus. No one was able to focus because he was goofing off so much." He said as he released her, making her smile.

"I should have guessed. I thought you had the shoot with Rooney today?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah I did but then we continued the shoot with the boys." He said, referring to his friends who also played his friends in the movie.

"Oh okay." She nodded.

"I've missed you. Being on set isn't the same without you." He said as he gazed at her, drowning her in his gorgeous ocean blue eyes. Oh how much she was going to miss staring at those eyes.

"I've missed you too mi rey." She said, feeling a pang in her heart as she let herself drown in his eyes.

He smiled and placed both hands on the sides of her face then leaned closer to her to give her the most heartfelt kiss ever, making her heart burst out of her chest.

Oh how was she supposed to break up with him? She couldn't!

Her eyes started to prickle as she realized what she was going to lose. How could Aurora be so cruel? She couldn't break up with him! But then the image of her ailing mother appeared in her mind and she realized she had no choice. Besides, if she and Aurora switched bodies the next day it was for the best that she broke up with him that night to make things less weird. She didn't trust Aurora could break up with Sebastian in the least hurtful way possible and she didn't want that for him.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, breaking the kiss.

"Not really, I had some protein bar on the way back from the studio because I was so hungry then." He replied as he stroked her cheek gently, sending shivers down her spine.

"Oh okay. I made vegetarian lasagna in case you still want to eat." She said.

"Of course I want to!" He said as he released her face and turned towards the dining table.

"That looks and smells delicious!" He commented and she smiled.

"I hope it does taste good." She said as they sat down on the dining table across from each other.

"I'm sure it does! Your cooking is always amazing mi reina!" He said, making her smile.

"So, do you like it?" She asked slowly moments after they started eating.

"It's absolutely divine!" He gushed, making her smile.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah. I could eat this everyday honestly." He said as he took another spoonful and hummed in appreciation.

His words tugged at her heart and she realized that breaking up with him was going to be the hardest thing she would ever have to do.

They continued to eat in silence as she tried to form the words in her mind. She was struggling to find the reasons for breaking up with him but she tried understanding Aurora's point of view and finally found the perfect reason. She just hoped Sebastian would accept it.

"So, what did you do today?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh, I.. umm.. Y/n came back today. I spent the day with her." She replied.

"Oh, she did? I hope she's okay."

"Well.. not really. Her mother has breast cancer and she's going to go back to visit her and her dad but she came back here and asked for a favor from me." She said, making things along as she said it.

"Oh my God. That's awful!" He said, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Yeah." She sighed, trying not to cry as she remembered her mother.

"What favor did she ask from you?" He asked.

"Well.. umm.. her family needs a lot of money for her mother. You know. For chemo and stuff and she wanted to borrow some money from me."

"Oh I see. How much does she need? Maybe I can help too." He said and her heart softened at that.

"Umm.. around ten thousand dollars." She said, remembering the research she did earlier that day where she found out how much conventional therapy for cancer usually cost.

"I see. I can help give half of it and you can give the other half." He said and her jaw dropped.

"Really?" She asked, her eyes widened.

"Yeah. I mean. It's the least I can do. Cancer is just awful. I can't imagine how she's feeling right now." He said, his eyes looked a little sad.

She didn't know if she could fall even more in love with him but there she was. She wished he was a jerk instead of an extremely kind gentleman so she could break up with him easier, but of course he was never a jerk and that was why she loved him.

"Thank you so much mi rey, that would mean a lot to her. More than you know." She said as she extended her hand and squeezed his hand gently.

"Oh it's not a problem, mi reina. You know sometimes I feel kind of responsible for her. I mean. I introduced her to you so yeah. There's a bit of a connection between us. If you know what I mean."

"Yeah.. yeah.. of course. I understand." She said, feeling her heart soar at his words.

"But nothing like us of course." He smiled as he picked her hand up and kissed it gently, making her heart flutter yet at the same she felt a little sad.

"What's wrong?" He asked, releasing her hand. As always it seemed like he had sixth sense about how she felt. Maybe she should just break up with him now and get it over with. She thought, taking a deep breath.

"Umm.. Sebastian.. I.."

"Woof woof!" Suddenly Zander came barking in. He apparently just woke up from his nap on the patio.

"Oh, there you are my good boy. Here boy.. here boy." Sebastian said, cooing as he stroked Zander's fur.

"Has he eaten yet?" He asked, looking up at her.

"Umm.. no. He was asleep the whole afternoon." She replied.

"Oh okay. Come here boy, let me get you your favorite." He said as he stood up and went towards the kitchen.

She sighed as she watched him go and realized maybe she should wait before breaking up with him and try to find a better moment to do it.

Half an hour later they finished their dinner and had cleaned up everything. They sat together on a sofa in the living room side by side, the TV was on showing his favorite show but she barely watched it. Her mind was busy trying to find the courage to say the dreaded words to him.

She sighed as she tried to calm herself by focusing on her senses. Their hands were linked together and she tried to ingrain the feeling of his hand on hers onto her memory, along with his signature scent which had wafted into her nose.

She turned to face him and kissed his cheek gently, making him smile. He turned to face her and he leaned closer and kissed her lips gently. Soon they ended up having a passionate kissing session on the sofa. With every kiss and touch she tried to absorb them all and store them into her memory. He would most likely be the first and last man she would ever get the chance to be with and she didn't want to waste it.

"Let's go to the bedroom." She said, breaking the kiss as his hand started to travel towards her breast.

"Okay." He said huskily.

He stood up and with one movement carried her into his arms, making her squeal in surprise.

He laughed as he started to carry her bridal style towards his bedroom, slowing down every now and then to kiss her.

He kicked the bedroom door open and laid her on his bed gently, and soon they were lost in the act of love and lust.

Once again she tried to memorize every single touch and every single kiss from him. Hoping she would never forget them until the day she died. She let herself drown in his love and enjoy every single thing he did to her.

"I love you so much, mi hermosa reina." He said several minutes later after they reached their peak together.

"I love you so much too, mi rey guapo." She said breathlessly as the amazing feeling washed over her.

However, she couldn't help but cry as she looked up at his gorgeous face, realizing this could be the last time they made love.

"Mi reina, what's wrong?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I just.. I love you so much mi rey. So so much!" She sniffled and he smiled.

"I love you so much too mi reina." He said, gazing down at her softly as his hand wiped the tears on her cheek.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me." He said gently, making her heart soar in her chest.

"And you are too. You have no idea." She said, making him smile again.

He leaned down and gave her a gentle and loving kiss on her lips then he let her go and laid down next to her.

"I can spend every night like this with you." He said as they laid side by side staring at the ceiling. His hand slowly crawled towards hers and he squeezed it gently. Her heart tugged at that and she wondered again how she could ever say the words that would break both of them?

"Yeah.. me too." And I really wish I could. She thought sadly.

She looked up at the ceiling, taking deep breaths as she tried to gather the courage to say the dreaded words to him. After what felt like forever, she finally had gathered all her emotions and stored them neatly in the back of her mind and thought of her mother. Yes, her mother. She would do anything for her mother including losing the love of her life.

She took a deep breath, cleared her throat and finally spoke "Sebastian, I need to say something."

She waited for his response but he didn't say anything back. His hold on her hand had loosen and when she turned to look at him, his eyes were already closed.

She sighed as she realized that he had fallen asleep. His chest rose and fell steadily as he slept, his mouth opened a little. He looked so at peace, making her heart swell in her chest.

No, she couldn't do it. She wouldn't wake him up for this. It would be inconsiderate to wake him up for this. In fact it would be cruel. So she decided to do it in the morning. Hoping she wouldn't switch bodies with Aurora yet.

She ended up staring at him, drinking in his every feature. She couldn't believe how lucky she could be, being able to love and be loved by this amazing, kind and handsome man.

She knew she would never ever find someone like him ever again. In fact, she decided right then and there that her heart would belong to him forever. If she and Aurora successfully switch bodies again, she wouldn't even try and find another man. But if she and Aurora didn't switch.. well.. she would try and persuade Aurora not to force her to marry Adam. There must be something she could do. Aurora didn't care for Adam, all she cared about was inheriting her father's company, so maybe she could do something else aside from marrying Adam to make sure the company falls to her hands.

She sighed as she focused back on staring at him. She placed her arms around his body and hugged him tight, making him stir a little.

"I love you mi rey." She whispered.

"Hmm.. I love you too mi reina." He said as he placed his arm around her without opening his eyes and hugged her too.

It felt very comfortable in his arms. His warmth, his scent, his broad and big chest made her feel at home that it didn't take long for her to finally fall asleep in his arms, thinking it would be their last time together.

-

She got out of the taxi that brought them from the airport to her parents' house and her heart plummeted at the sight. People wearing black were walking into the house and she could see more people inside wearing black.

No.. it can't be! She thought internally as she walked closer towards the entrance of the house with Aurora following behind her.

She looked back and saw Aurora, in her own body, walking with a somber look on her face.

She looked down at herself and at her hands then touched her hair. She pulled at her hair and looked down to find that she had her own hair color. She then touched the glasses she was wearing and it finally clicked.

She didn't realize she and Aurora had switched bodies!

Feeling strange with everything she finally arrived at the front door and opened it slowly.

Inside she found her family, her cousins, aunts and uncles, all wearing black. They all looked at her as she entered and their faces said it all.

Her heart sank even deeper into her stomach as she looked around and found her father, standing next to an open casket.

"No! Mom!" She shouted in agony as she quickly ran towards the casket and found her mother's lifeless body lying inside.

She was too late! How could she be too late!?

Tears started to stream down her face as she looked at her mother's peaceful face.

"Mom! No! Don't leave! No!" She sobbed as she placed her hand inside the casket and touched her mother's face.

"Mom.. no.. please no.." Her heart felt like it was ripped to pieces as the devastating fact washed over her. She felt like she was going mad. The grief was pulling her in and she didn't know how to get out of it. Her heart ached tremendously, making her feel weak.

She was drowning in grief for what felt like forever until she felt a gentle shake and heard a familiar voice calling her.

"Mi reina.. sweetheart.. wake up.."

"Wake up my love.. wake up.."

She blinked several times and when she opened her eyes she found his face, the love of his life was looking down at her with his eyebrows knitted together. His hand held her shoulder gently and she realized she was dreaming.

"Sebastian?" She croaked as relief washed over her. Her mother was not dead! She was dreaming!

She immediately pulled him close to her and hugged him tight, wanting to make sure he was real and that she really just had a nightmare. His warmth and signature scent wafting to her nose made her certain he was real. Oh how relieved she was to realize that!

"Yes, I'm here Aurora. I'm here. Everything is okay." He said as he held her tight.

Aurora? Yes, she was still in Aurora's body apparently. What they did the other day didn't work.

"I'm so happy to see you." She said as she let him go and wiped the tears from her eyes.

He smiled and stroked her cheek gently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"I.. I had a nightmare." She sighed, trying to erase the memory of the devastating dream from her mind.

"I could see that. You were crying and trashing about and calling out your mom." He said, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, did I?"

"Yeah. What happened in the dream?"

"Umm.. I had a dream that my mom died." She said and his eyebrows raised.

"Y/n's mom's condition must have affected you." He said and she nodded.

"I.. I guess.." She sighed, wishing he knew the real truth.

"But your mom is okay? Right? I mean.. she's healthy and everything? Because after your cousin's gala I was kind of scared of how she would react with us leaving her like that."

"She's fine." She replied even though she didn't really know.

After the gala Aurora's mother called her but she didn't pick up. Aurora's mother ended up just leaving her a message telling her how disappointed she was with her and she hoped she would come to her senses. She just replied saying how sorry she was and that was the end of it. She hoped Aurora's mother really was okay. She hated to think that she could probably make her sick or something.

"That's good to know." He smiled.

"Yeah.. Sebastian, there's something I need to tell you." She said, realizing she had a job to do that day before she went to visit her parents.

"Oh okay, what is it? Is something wrong?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded slowly, feeling her heart ached already at the possibility of breaking up with him.

"Okay." He nodded.

She gazed at his eyes, trying to find the strength and courage to say it.

"Umm.. I'm going with Y/n to visit her parents. I have no shoot scheduled this week so I'm free. And I thought I could accompany Y/n and see how her mom is doing and maybe give the money from us to her directly. You know." She finally said.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't break up with him. Not yet. Not when she was already feeling so vulnerable after the dream. Her heart couldn't take it.

She decided she would do it after she got back from her parents'. Aurora didn't need to know the whole truth. At least not yet.

"Oh okay. Where does her parents live?"

"Berkeley, California. I've booked plane tickets for noon today." She said and he nodded.

"Okay. I wish I could come but you know I'm busy with the shoot this whole week."

"Yeah. I know."

"Well, I'm gonna miss you mi reina. That's for sure. But I'm really happy you would do this for Y/n. She needs all the support she can get."

"Yeah, she does."

"When are you coming back? I can probably pick you up from the airport."

"Oh, Sunday."

"This Sunday, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll pick you up. What about today? Is Nelson available to take you to the airport?"

"Yeah. He can take us. Don't worry about it."

"Okay. Well, I have a shoot in two hours so I have to get ready." He said dejectedly.

"Yeah of course."

"Want to join me in the shower?" He asked with a twinkle in his eyes and she smiled.

"Sure, why not."

"Great." He smiled and leaned close to kiss her lips gently.

As she walked together with him towards the bathroom she wasn't sure she could break up with him. But she knew she had to. She just didn't want to think about it yet.

--

1408 Acton, Berkeley, California - August 15th - 2pm

Her eyes traveled along the big red building outside the taxi's window. It felt like forever since she passed her former high school. The building looked the same as always with its red brick walls. She smiled as they passed the front of it where on the first day of high school a baseball hit her face, thrown by some boys from the front lawn. She had expected something like that to happen back then, having experienced similar things in elementary and middle school so she remembered just rubbing her head and moving along towards the high school's infirmary.

The taxi kept on moving towards her parents' house. Well.. her house for the first twenty two years of her life. She went to UC Berkeley, which was ten minutes away, so she thankfully had more time to stay with her parents than most college girls.

She felt kind of guilty that the last time she visited her parents was last Christmas. But then she was busy, got laid off, and pivoted to an acting career before the whole shenanigan with Aurora happened. She didn't have time to visit her parents and she felt guilty about it. She was unemployed for three months before she decided to move to LA. She could have visited them but decided to stay in Silicon Valley, waiting for job interviews which never happened.

Well, she was grateful she still had the chance to see her parents and spend time with them. Even if she was in someone else's body.

All throughout the plane ride from LA to Berkeley she told Aurora everything about her family and showed her pictures of them as well as her extended family. She also described her life as much as she could so Aurora could behave and say things accordingly. It was a miracle to her that Aurora was quiet throughout the whole thing and just listened.

Aurora of course asked her if she had broken up with Sebastian and she just mumbled an uh huh while nodding her head. She thought Aurora would be suspicious of her response but thankfully she didn't and they managed to get to Berkeley without any drama.

Minutes later they finally arrived at her parents' quaint one story house. Located among other small townhouses in the neighbourhood, her parents' house had beige brick walls and was surrounded with lovely trees and shrubs.

She didn't realize how much she missed the place. Her parents' house was what someone would call homey. Well it really was a nice and cozy little house. Nothing extravagant like Aurora's castle but not as small like her apartment either. It was just right.

She paid the taxi then opened the door. She stepped out and found her parents both already standing in front of the front door, smiling from ear to ear.

She smiled back at them but realized they were smiling at Aurora, who was smiling back at them awkwardly.

They picked up their suitcases from the trunk of the taxi then walked towards her parents.

"Y/n, dear, it's so good to see you again." Her mother said as they arrived in front of her parents.

Her mother hugged Aurora tight and she couldn't help but feel a pang in her heart.

"My, look at you. I think you've lost a lot of weight!" Her mother commented as she released Aurora and studied her body and face.

"Yeah, a little." Aurora shrugged.

"What happened to your face, Y/n?" Her father asked, studying Aurora's face.

"Oh, I.. umm.. tripped and my face hit the pavement." Aurora said, making things up.

The cut on her left eyebrow was of course not healed yet as well as the bruises on her cheek. She had tried putting concealer on them but they were still visible.

"Oh Y/n. You never change, do you." Her father chuckled.

"Well, you know me. Bad luck follows me around. It's a miracle I'm still alive." Aurora said and her parents laughed while she just narrowed her eyes at Aurora.

"Hello Mrs.Y/l/n." She said, extending her hand towards her mother.

"Oh hello, you must be Aurora Watson. So good to see you dear. Y/n has been telling me so much about you." Her mother said as she extended her hand and she shook it.

Her heart broke at how her own mother reacted towards her, like a stranger. Oh how much she would give just to be able to hug her like she usually did whenever she visited them.

"Oh, likewise." She smiled. "How are you Mrs.Y/l/n? Y/n told me about your condition."

"Oh, well, I'm just taking things day by day, you know." Her mother smiled and patted her hand but she couldn't help but notice the sadness in her eyes.

"Hello Aurora, nice to meet you." Her father said, smiling and extending his hand towards her.

"Hello Mr. Y/l/n, it's so nice to meet you." She smiled as she shook his hand.

"Well come on in. We've been waiting for you. Your mom made your favorite dish, Y/n. I hope you girls are hungry." Her father said as he opened the front door and they all walked inside.

"Oh that's great. We haven't had lunch yet." She said as she dragged her suitcases inside and Aurora followed her.

"Oh that's perfect then. You're going to love what Y/n's mom has made." Her father said, turning to her and smiled.

"Oh, what did you make Mrs.Y/l/n?" She asked.

"Fettuccine carbonara, Y/n's favorite dish." Her mother replied. Indeed it was her favorite and thinking about it brought back so many memories.

"That sounds delicious." She smiled as they arrived in the living room.

She looked at her mother which looked normal to her. She did look a little tired but overall she looked okay and she was very relieved at that.

"I hope you also have some salad?" Aurora asked.

"Salad? Oh, I'm sorry dear, I didn't prepare any. But there are some vegetables in the fridge. I can probably whip something up for you in a minute." Her mother said.

"Thank you, mom. That would be great. I learned from Aurora that eating vegetables with every meal is important." Aurora said and she glared at Aurora. Aurora noticed her glare but didn't say anything else.

Yes, it was impossible to ask Aurora to be considerate of others. She was a textbook narcissist.

"I did say that, but you really don't have to do that Mrs.Y/l/n. I mean, we don't want to make you tired or anything." She quickly said.

"Why thank you, Aurora. That's really nice of you to say that. But it's okay, I can whip up a garden salad in minutes. It's okay. Besides, you're right Aurora, having vegetables in every meal is important. Especially for someone like me." Her mother chuckled.

"Well, I can help you Mrs.Y/l/n." She said.

"No, it's okay dear. Y/n can help me." Her mother said, turning to Aurora.

"Oh, of course, okay." Aurora nodded, making her smile a little. It would be interesting to see Aurora prepare something for herself.

Her mother picked Aurora's hand and guided her to the kitchen, leaving her alone with her father.

"Just leave your suitcases here and have a seat at the dining table." Her father said.

"Okay." She nodded and left her suitcases standing by the sofa.

"So, how long are you planning on staying here, Aurora?" Her father asked as he walked to the dining room with her.

"Oh, until Sunday. I have a movie to shoot next week so I can't stay longer." She replied.

"I see. By the way, we only have 2 bedrooms, are you okay sharing a room with Y/n?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's fine." She nodded.

"The bed is a single bed but there's a sofa you can use. I hope that's okay. If not, I can help book a room for you at a hotel nearby." He said.

"Oh, that won't be necessary Mr.Y/l/n. I'm okay with sharing a room." She smiled.

"Okay. That's good. I mean, I thought you would have wanted to stay somewhere fancier and not share a room with my daughter." He responded.

"Oh, well, I thought it's better for me to stay here so I can give her more support." She replied. There was no way she was going to leave her parents with Aurora alone. She needed to stay so she could keep an eye on her.

"Oh, right. How is she taking all of this?" Her father asked. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, it's been hard on her." She replied, feeling her eyes prickled.

"I bet it is. It's been hard on me and her mother too of course. I mean, we all know cancer is tough to beat. But we try to be hopeful." Her father replied, smiling at her but his eyes showed sadness.

"Mr.Y/l/n.. if there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask." She said, reaching out to touch her father's hand.

"Thank you, Aurora. That's very considerate of you." Her father smiled at her as he patted her hand.

"No problem Mr.Y/l/n." She smiled back.

"Y/n! What is going on? It's as if you've never cooked before." Her mother's voice traveled from the kitchen and she sighed.

"I better go and check on them." His father said as he stood up.

"Maybe I can help too." She said, standing up as well and following him to the kitchen.

"Honey, what's going on?" Her father asked as soon as they entered the kitchen.

"Oh nothing. I just asked Y/n to cut the vegetables while I prepare the dressing. But the way she used the knife is like she has never cooked before." Her mother shrugged.

Indeed, when she looked at Aurora she was holding the knife as far away from her fingers, as if afraid it would come alive and hurt her.

She shook her head and sauntered over to her.

"Here, let me do it." She said.

Aurora immediately gave her the knife and excused herself to the bathroom.

"I'm going to prepare some drinks." Her father said as soon as Aurora left and left her alone with her mother.

"I'm sorry about her, Aurora. You shouldn't have to do this." Her mother said.

"It's okay, Mrs.Y/l/n. Y/n just probably has a lot on her mind." She said as she started to chop the lettuce.

"My condition stresses her out doesn't it?" Her mother said.

"Well, yes of course. She even had a dream that you.. that you.." She trailed, pausing her movement as she remembered the dream she had last night and tried not to cry.

"That I'm dead?" Her mother asked, looking at her with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Well.. yes." She said, looking up at her mother and sighed.

"I think I need to talk to her." Her mother said.

"Maybe." She said, looking down and continuing in chopping the vegetables.

"In any case, thank you for being here, Aurora. I'm sure it means the world to her." Her mother said, smiling at her.

"I'm happy to be here Mrs.Y/l/n. And I would love to help in any way I can." She responded.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it. And I'm sure Y/n does too." Her mother said and she nodded.

"You're welcome Mrs.Y/l/n." She said, smiling back at her.

Moments later they were all seated at the dining table next to the kitchen. Four plates of fettuccine carbonara were served with a big bowl of garden salad, glasses of lemonade and water.

Aurora immediately took a small bowl and filled it with the salad while she opted to start right with the fettucine.

"Mmm.. this is really amazing Mrs.Y/l/n!" She said as soon as she ate the fettuccine.

"Thank you, Aurora. I tried my best." Her mother replied, beaming at her, making her heart warm.

"By the way, you look great Mrs.Y/l/n, as in, the cancer doesn't seem to really affect you." She commented.

"Well, thankfully the size of the tumors on my breast and my lung aren't that big. I just sometimes feel out of breath and the one on my breast hurts sometimes. But I can still handle it." Her mother said and she couldn't help but admire her.

She hoped she didn't say those things just because she thought she was sharing them with a stranger. As her real daughter she really wanted to know her real feelings and conditions.

"That's good to know Mrs.Y/l/n." She said.

"Yes, well.. enough about me. Tell me about yourselves dear. Y/n told me you're an actress! That must be really interesting!" Her mother said.

"Well, it can be overrated." She said as she glanced at Aurora.

"What do you mean, dear?" Her mother asked.

"Well, it looks glamorous. But the amount of hard work that goes behind it is sometimes overlooked." She said and glanced at Aurora who was nodding her head.

"That is true. It requires talent and hard work." Aurora said and she raised her eyebrows. Talent which you don't have. She grumbled internally.

"And what is it like working as a personal assistant Y/n?" Her father asked.

"Oh, it's.. umm.. obviously not as hard as being an actress. But it's okay." Aurora shrugged, glancing at her while she just narrowed her eyes at her.

"Being a personal assistant is even harder I think." She chimed in.

"Especially if the person you are working for is a difficult person." She continued and this time Aurora looked at her and narrowed her eyes at her.

"But thankfully, Aurora here is a great employer." Aurora said, giving her parents a fake smile.

"You know the average salary for a PA is just around 3 thousand dollars a month but Aurora is paying me 6 thousand." Aurora said and her parents' eyebrows raised.

"Really? You're paying my daughter 6 thousand a month?" Her father asked, clearly impressed.

"Well yes. And that's because I asked her to work for me 24/7 and also during the weekend." She responded.

"And I think it's fair, it's even more than fair, it's very generous." Aurora said haughtily.

No amount of money is worth working for you 24/7. She grumbled internally.

"I agree. That is very generous." Her father said and she frowned, wishing she could tell her father how it actually was.

"I mean. I'm sorry dear, but we can definitely use the money for your mother." Her father said, looking at Aurora and her heart tugged at that.

"Oh, Y/f/f/n, don't say that. Aurora doesn't need to know that." Her mother protested.

"It's okay Mrs.Y/l/n. How much do you need?" She asked, turning to her father.

"Well, thankfully insurance will cover most of the cost. But we're also thinking and looking at alternative treatments. Unfortunately, insurance won't cover them." Her father replied.

"What kind of alternative treatments?" She asked.

"Well, there's this clinic in San Francisco, about half an hour away from here, that offers a more holistic approach to treating cancer. I was thinking that while you are here, maybe tomorrow we can go there together and see what they have to offer." Her father said, glancing at Aurora.

Aurora stayed silent and she kicked her feet under the table.

"Ow!" Aurora yelped.

"What happened, Y/n?!" Her mother asked.

She glanced at Aurora, silently asking her to respond to her father.

"Oh, nothing. I just hit my feet on the leg of the table." Aurora responded, chuckling awkwardly.

"Oh okay. Be careful dear." Her mother said, looking at Aurora in concern.

She continued to glare at Aurora and Aurora finally spoke again.

"By the way, yes, of course. I can go with you to San Francisco and see the clinic. Maybe Aurora can go too." Aurora said, glancing at her.

"Yes, I would love to come." She said.

"Well that's great! And that's very nice of you Aurora for wanting to come too." Her mother said, smiling warmly at her.

Of course, mom. I would do anything for you. She thought internally.

"Oh, it's no big deal Mrs.Y/l/n." She said, smiling back.

"As it happened, my boyfriend, Sebastian and I want to give some money to help for your treatment Mrs.Y/l/n." She said.

"Wait, he does?" Aurora asked.

"Yes. I told him I wanted to give you 10 thousand dollars but he said he would contribute to half of it." She said and Aurora glared at her.

"Wow, that's very generous of you Aurora!" Her father exclaimed, his eyes widened and his mouth turned up into a smile.

"Yes, well. I will cut it from Y/n's pay. So.." She said, looking at Aurora as if silently trying to tell her that she was willing not to be paid as long as she could contribute to her mother's treatment.

"Yes, and I believe that would mean you won't pay me for one month?" Aurora asked, staring at her.

"Yes, that's right." She nodded.

"Okay." Aurora nodded.

"Wow, that really will help your mother immensely." Her father said, smiling at Aurora then her.

"Thank you so much Y/n dear and thank you Aurora." Her father said, smiling at her.

"You're welcome Mr.Y/l/n." She said, smiling back at him.

"By the way, your boyfriend? I thought you broke up with him?" Aurora asked, raising her eyebrows at her and her face fell.

"Uh.. yes, about that.." She trailed.

"Will you excuse us for a moment, mom, dad?" Aurora said as she stood up and dragged her arm so she stood up as well.

"Oh okay, dear." Her mother nodded, looking a little surprised.

She braced herself as she followed Aurora out of the dining room and out into the patio in the backyard.

"You haven't broken up with him, have you?" Aurora asked, turning to face her and folding her arms on her chest.

"Umm.. No.. I couldn't.. sorry.." She grimaced and Aurora's eyes immediately bulged.

"Before you go off on me. I promise I will after I get back. It's just that I had a dream that my mother died and I was so emotional and I just.. I couldn't do it. I'm sorry." She said as she took a seat at one of the seats near her and looked down, her head hung.

Aurora didn't respond and took a seat next to her.

"You don't know how much he means to me, Aurora." She said, her eyes started to prickle.

"He's just a man." Aurora shrugged.

"No, you know he's not. He's an amazing human being, the kindest and most considerate man ever and well.. him being good looking helps a lot." She chuckled.

"Well, yeah, he is I think number two in terms of looks from among the boyfriends I've had." Aurora said.

"Number two? Who's number one?" She asked, looking up at her curiously.

"Well.. umm.. his name was Chad. He was my boyfriend in high school." Aurora said and if her eyes didn't play tricks on her, Aurora's eyes seemed to water a little.

"What happened?" She asked.

"He.. had leukemia. He died in our senior year of highschool." She explained as she blinked rapidly, like she was trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry." She said as she felt a pang in her heart. She never knew how Aurora could have a similar life experience with her.

"Yeah, thanks. It was a long time ago. I've moved on." Aurora said. Except, she felt like Aurora had not moved on. Maybe it was the reason why she had not let herself really fall in love with other men and instead did what she did.

Again, she never thought she would ever feel sorry for Aurora but there she was.

"Anyway, back to you and Seb." Aurora said, her face turned cold.

"Aurora, it's unclear whether we'll ever switch back into our own bodies. I mean..I would love for us to switch back! But the fact is we don't know whether we will ever switch. So, even if your dad's company falls to you, it won't fall to you but to me!" She said, trying to make Aurora see her point.

"I don't care. I just don't want that bitch cousin of mine to take what is rightfully mine!" Aurora protested.

"But Aurora, do you even know how to run an investment firm?" She asked in disbelief.

"No, but I'm sure Adam does. That is why you need to break up with Seb and marry Adam!" Aurora exclaimed and she shook her head.

"Well, I won't give you the money if you don't break up with Seb." Aurora threatened.

She sighed. She would do anything for her mother, so of course, she had no choice.

"Fine. I will. Once we get back I will." She said dejectedly.

"I won't give you the money until you do. Got that?" Aurora said and she nodded.

"Fine." She replied.

"Good." Aurora said and she stood up and went back inside the house, leaving her alone.

This was going to be one long week, she thought. Well, a week minus one day. They were going to stay in Berkeley for six days. She wished she had more than just six days but she was scheduled for a shoot for Pumping Black the next week for a month and then they were off to Paris for the rest of the shoot. She hoped her parents would be okay that she couldn't stay long. However, she didn't count on how much her mother needed her to be by her side.

-

Anatara Medicine 1700 California Street, Suite 520 San Francisco, California - August 19th - 10 am

It was the fifth day of their stay in Berkeley. The day after their arrival, they went to San Francisco to accompany her mother to the alternative clinic.

They were met by a nice and friendly doctor, dr. Ahvie who happened to be the founder and medical director of the clinic.

After reviewing her mother's case based on previous tests, dr. Ahvie explained the alternative treatments that they could offer. Even though some of the treatments were not approved by the FDA, somehow dr.Ahvie's explanation made sense.

After discussing them and researching for more information about what the clinic could offer and reading a lot about testimonials from other patients of the clinic, her parents decided to go through with the treatments the clinic offered. There was only one problem, the treatment cost 50 thousand dollars for three months and was not covered by insurance. Her parents only had 40 thousand dollars in savings and needed help to get the other 10 thousand. It was a godsend that Sebastian and Aurora were willing to contribute the 10 thousand dollars that was needed.

They were in the clinic that morning, accompanying her mother who was having her treatment. It was the third day of her treatment and her mother had shown some signs of detox. The treatment consisted of full body detox and her mother was starting to feel the effects. She seemed to be more tired. She also said she had a headache and felt nauseaous. She hoped her mother would feel better soon.

Her mother was inside one of the treatment rooms, Aurora sitting close to her with a nurse who was administering the medicine through IV. She sat in the waiting room with her father, watching her mother and Aurora interact through a window that showed the treatment room.

They seemed to be talking and her mother smiled and laughed at whatever Aurora said, making her curious.

Well, she was afraid that Aurora wouldn't be able to adapt to being in her house and interacted with her parents while trying not to make them too suspicious. But she was surprised that Aurora ended up being able to do both, adapt and not make them suspicious. She remembered what Y/n told her about her family and she also eventually was able to do things around the house such as cooking and cleaning, much to her surprise. It seemed her time in jail transformed her into someone better. And it seemed like Aurora enjoyed being around her parents, which surprised her too.

"So, what time are you going back to LA tomorrow?" Her father asked.

"Oh, the plane is scheduled to leave at 1.30 pm Mr.Y/l/n." She replied, turning to face him.

"I see. I'm sorry. But, is there any way you could give my daughter some more time to stay here? Her mother needs her now more than ever." Her father asked.

She felt a pang in her heart as she heard it. She did think about asking Aurora to stay behind while she went back to LA. Seeing how Aurora was able to interact well with her parents made her confident that she could leave Aurora behind. But she didn't know if Aurora would agree.

"Well, I don't mind Mr.Y/l/n. But I need to ask her first." She replied.

"Of course. I'm sure she won't mind either. I just don't know whether you will need her back in LA." Her father responded.

"Yes, well. I can manage on my own. And there are other assistants available to help me during shooting. So I don't really mind." She said.

"That's really nice of you, Aurora. Thank you so much." Her father said, smiling wide at her.

"You're welcome Mr.Y/l/n. I'll ask her as soon as we get home." She said and her father nodded.

It wasn't until after dinner later on that night that she finally got the chance to ask Aurora.

They sat on chairs on the patio at the back of the house, just enjoying the streams of lights hung on the trees in the back garden and the sound of unseen crickets. It was so tranquil and lovely. She remembered all those years of enjoying the same atmosphere while she was still living there. Never in a million years she thought of ever sharing the atmosphere with someone like Aurora. And being in a weird circumstance too.

"So.. umm. I want to thank you for coming here with me and willing to visit my parents. And moreover for being so nice to my parents." She broke the silence.

"You're welcome, Y/n." Aurora said, turning to her and smiled a little.

"I know how it feels to have someone you love being sick. So.." Aurora trailed.

"Yeah. Thank you." She said, remembering Aurora's ex Chad.

"Anyway, I.. umm.. I hate to ask you this but. Earlier today my dad asked if maybe you could stay behind while I go back to LA. Because he said my mother needs you. I mean.. she needs me but since I'm in your body so.." She trailed.

"You want me to stay here?" Aurora asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes, if that's okay with you, of course." She said, hoping Aurora would agree.

"Well, as long as you keep your promise of breaking up with Seb and marry Adam, I'll stay, but no longer than a week." Aurora said and she sighed.

"Can you stay until it's time to leave for Paris?" She asked.

"What?! A month?!" Aurora asked. Her voice raised.

"I know it's too much to ask but it would mean a lot to me and my parents. I mean, if we somehow switched along the way then that would be great, right? We can just go on and continue our lives." She said.

"No, you would still owe me a month of work." Aurora replied and she sighed.

"I'll pay you back. I promise." She said and Aurora sighed.

"Fine. But only if you also promise to figure out a way for us to switch again." Aurora said.

"Aurora, I can't promise you anything. I will be busy with the shoot and your family anyway." She replied.

"Hmm.. true."

"If anything, you might have more free time than me." She said and Aurora nodded.

"I guess I'll see what I can do." Aurora said and she nodded.

"Thank you. I'll try and see what I can also do on my end." She said.

"Okay."

"Thank you, Aurora. I really appreciate it." She said and Aurora nodded.

After months of being at opposite ends and being literal enemies, she was surprised how her relationship with Aurora transformed in just several days. Aurora might not be what she could call a friend. But at least she was more civil with her and Aurora's empathy towards her situation was something she didn't expect to get.

Well, the next hard thing she would have to do was to break up with Sebastian.

And she did not look forward to it at all.

Chapter 20 >

Taglist

@dhoruwolfie @kandis-mom

[destinygoldenstar]

Disventure Camp Character Impressions *Compilation* (Part 5)

<< Part 4

***

"What the hell was that bullshit in the elimination?!"

OMG THANK YOU

THANK YOU

GRETT CALLS IT OUT. OMG THANK YOU.

I FEEL VALIDATED.

"You mean the way we were exposed?"

...oh.

No I was talking about your choice on voting.

Nope. I'm not validated.

"Golden, that's the thing with us villains. We don't need your permission to slay. We do it anyway."

"What experience can a six year old have?!"

"Well let's see, my parents abandoned me in the woods. Clearly they hate me."

"...I know she's right, but it still hurts to hear."

Oh.

So she's just kinda accepted that she's awful.

"The adults in my life think I'm a demon with no redeeming qualities, so that must be true. Might as well live off that."

Does that imply that Fiore was an accidental pregnancy...?

I mean I'm not a mother, but I know that's something that can happen if you don't, you know, control yourself.

Oh not these two again.

YOU'VE BEEN FIGHTING THE PAST THREE EPISODES. GET OVER IT.

"Hey Tom, I know I said this a dozen times, but I really am sowwy. Can you forgive me?" (Jake)

"Jake I just learned I have cancer. And for some reason I'm gonna say that's your fault. Get out of my life." (Tom)

"You don't have to apologize."

"It's all me. It's always my fault. I'm the one who always has to take the blame for things like this."

"Maybe they're making up."

Up or out?

GOD I JUST SAID I WAS GLAD THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

"For some reason, Golden is whispering in my hear and urging me to kiss the boy."

"Maybe I was wrong to think badly of these young-ins."

"Except Fiore. She's just as bad as I thought."

"What happened to the sky?"

"It's covered in grapes and strawberries, and idk why that is-also why is part of the forest blocked off? Why can't we get out?" (Fiore)

"Fiore I don't think you're supposed to be playing those games." (Alec)

I still headcanon Fiore is a Mortal Combat fangirl.

"Alright gang, grab every weapon in this place you can find and start SMASHING!!!"

"Fiore, I think I know what's happening."

"Don't freak out... but a bear is gonna pop out in a minute and force us to kill each other."

"It's the only explanation. Don't tell anyone."

"Uh, we are right here and in hearing range."

"Did you hear that?!"

"Sounded like gunshots!"

"Don't worry guys! It's just Tom killing a man! It's fine!" (Ellie)

"I KISSSED A SERIAL KILLER?!?!" (Jake)

XD

"I don't care if he's a serial killer! HE'S MY LOVE! WE'RE LETTING HIM IN. WHAT'S THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN?!"

"What's going on?!"

"Ellie why do you have ketchup splashed all over your face?"

"They looked like people, but they're not!"

"I would never kill a man! I swear!!" (Tom)

"What if it was a woman?" (Ellie)

"...shit!!" (Tom)

"I think we... have to... cut off your arm."

NO I WAS JUST JOKING, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT?!?!?!?!?

"GOLDEN IS OUR OVERLORD AND SHE TOLD ME TO SAVE YOU BY CUTTING OFF YOUR ARM!!!"

"Wow Miriam, how'd you learn to do that?"

"Back in my day, I was secretly a serial killer!"

"Tom! Are you okay?"

"No worries. I got a body count in the double digits now. Cool, huh?"

"You want to ask if I think they're alive? Well I got bad news."

"They're in Mexico right now."

NO GODDAMMIT

FIORE WHYYYYYYYY

“Hey guys! I got another trick I wanna show you. It’s called: ‘BURY YOUR GAYS’”

A six year old is celebrating among her victims.

"WHOO HOOO!!! I KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!"

WHY IS TOM IN THE FAMILY GUY POSE?!?!?!?!?

"See that's my secret Golden. My mask protects me from getting killed, so I'm just faking my death."

"...oh wait I'm not wearing my mask anymore. SHIT-"

"Oh my gosh, my arm! I have my arm!"

"Oh my gosh, I've been in a coma for a MONTH! Cause I died on the first day!"

"I'm just glad I have both my arms again."

Ellie's just done.

"Yeah TOM! Don't cut a woman's arm off! I'M VOTING YOU TONIGHT."

"You'll be distorted for a few more hours, adjusting back to our time, getting back to your body, all that kind of stuff."

"And you'll probably need YEARS of therapy."

(I did impressions A LOT this episode...)

Continued On Part 6 >>

[golbrocklovely]

Give the guy a break.

Sam has been editing and doing more than comments, he's done countless instagram stories showing it. Even some tweets, just cos one time Colby said he does the initial cut in an interview for a livestream where Sam was letting Colby do most of the talking you're all up in arms about it constantly dragging the guy and leaving bitter comments when truth is we know next to nothing about how much either of them are working week after week.

For all we know up until they drove back to LA Sam could of been pulling all nighters just the same as Colby working on the conjuring videos, in fact thinking about it now we know for a fact he that he was pulling all nighters editing the conjuring stuff because he's made instagram stories showing us that he has been.

I have noted in previous comments that you keep saying you're done talking about this, but then making snide comments on peoples asks to you. If you don't want to talk about it or cause drama on this topic, why keep feeling the need to bring it up?

look, the reason why i have the opinions that i have about snc and their editing/anything else they do is BECAUSE they told us. is there more to the story? of course. there is probably plenty that i don't know anything about. not to mention i also make assumptions all the time. i have never once argued that i am 100% in the right. however, if i'm trying to come up with an opinion on something that i don't know the full story on, you know who i'm gonna listen to first? sam and colby.

colby laid out how they edit now via jc's stream. sam NODDED HIS HEAD to what colby told jc, and said "yeah" when colby asked if that sounded right. i'm gonna take him at his word, especially since he agreed with colby. he had all the room in the world to chime in if he felt like that wasn't accurate. now, does that mean he doesn't edit occasionally from time to time? no, and i've never said he doesn't edit AT ALL. i just said he doesn't edit as often as colby does - which is ALL THE TIME. sam gets the option to not edit bc they have an editor for him. colby, however, doesn't. and thus, that's why i *personally believe* colby does more work than sam when it comes to editing.

if colby works full time, and sam works part time, how is it wrong for me to say that colby works more than sam?? but i've never said that he doesn't work at all. it would be kinda silly for him to just sit back and hope shit gets done and it would be sillier for me to think that way.

and the reason why i make the comments that i do is bc i'm annoyed at seeing sam get to have all this free time in the world, while colby - the man who had to go thru cancer and chemo this year, need we forget - doesn't have time to do anything outside of editing, drinking, hiking, and sleeping. those are his own words. what free time does colby have, outside of going to the same parties that sam goes to? what does colby have outside of snc enterprises? sam has dumbandwise, sam has his marathon (which is not something you can just casually train for), sam is relearning to play the piano, sam is reading and coming up with philosophical opinions. what does colby have? a song from 2021? a career with that song that he can't even go after bc it's either make content as snc or music? what else? bc honestly - there IS nothing else. colby is pulling his weight and then some. sam is kinda just getting by. and to me, that's not fair. bc for every meeting, contract, business adventure sam is taking on for snc, colby is ALSO doing that. and then spending hours editing. and having no life outside of that.

if sam wants a break or doesn't want to always edit, that's fine. i will never argue against either one of them taking breaks when they need it. but this man FOR YEARS has been against taking breaks, doesn't think ppl should live for vacations, has been a workhorse for the longest time. and while it's great that he wants to start taking breaks more often - bc again, i think that's a good thing - it should not be at the expense of colby doing more work this time around. and then on top of all of that, sam gets praise for an edit he bare works on, while colby gets paid dust even tho every video on their channel has ALWAYS been edited by him (minus maybe the 25x25 shit which neither one really worked on if i remember correctly). not only that, he also does the content for xplrclub. so tell me, how is that fair?

if you want to try and make the argument that colby needs to stand up for himself and take more breaks when he needs to and all that jazz - sure. i agree with you on that. but that doesn't negate what sam is currently doing.

[underscoreddie]

Starry eyed

Awsten knight x male reader fanfiction. Angst.

TW: seizures, cancer

A/N: alright this fic isn't the best I made but it's also not the worst. Probably shouldn't be the first fic I post on here but idrc anymore.

"He's having another one!" Geoff screamed from the bathroom. I immediately threw off my bass and ran to the bathroom, Otto following behind me.

"What do you mean Geoff!? Please don't tell me it's another seizure!" I shouted, trying to get a view on what was happening. Awsten was sitting on the floor completely locked up. He was practically unmoving. I immediately bent down and shook him. He had no response, staying completely still. Otto and Geoff were practically screaming at each other, and Awsten looked like he was about to break every tendon in his body.

"I'm SORRY for not immediately screaming seizure Otto! I was making sure he was unhurt!" Geoff screamed.

"It's our best friend's life here, not a video game! You should have told us the second he fell!" Otto held up his finger like he was telling off a child.

"Both of you, stop bickering! We need to stay calm don't we?" I mumbled. They both looked at me and softened their gaze, Otto still having an angry look on his face but not nearly as aggressive. I grabbed Awsten's hands and tried to pull away his sharp nails digging into his skin.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna get his meds for when he gets out of this." Geoff mumbled, squeezing past Otto.

"Thank you Geoff." I said softly, petting Awsten's hair. "It'll all be done soon baby, I swear it's gonna be okay." I nuzzled my face into his shoulder and kissed it. "It's gonna stop soon."

Geoff came back into the bathroom shortly after.

"Everything's on the couch, should we take him there now Incase it turns into the breakdancing type of seizure?"

"Did he see flashing lights to cause this?"

"I don't think so, maybe stress?"

"I think he's fine. He only has those kinds when he sees flashing lights. It should end soon anyway." I said softly. Geoff nodded.

"im going to go make everything comfortable for him." he said, leaving the room.

Awsten's eyes shifted towards me and stared into mine. They looked panicked.

"it's over soon I swear it's gonna end soon." I kissed his shoulder and pet his hair as we waited for it to stop. Minutes passed.

"Y/N, we need to call an ambulance!" Otto said as he checked his phone.

"What, why?" my eyes widened.

"it's been like 7 minutes! Brain damage happens over 5, remember?" Otto frantically said as he typed numbers into his phone. He took a few deep breaths, acting more casual afterwards. Geoff came bolting into the room.

"Ambulance? What?!?!" the brown haired boy panicked.

"I'm calling 911, it's been 7 minutes." Otto's voice lacked any tone, and he tried to deadpan in every other way, but you could tell his face was full of worry. He was trying to hide his fear for Awsten.

"911, what's your emergency?" the operator softly spoke. it was on speaker. I started to speak.

"My boyfriend has been having a seizure for over 5 minutes!"

"Ok ok, what's you and your boyfriends name?" Otto set the phone down on the floor and sat down cross-legged.

"I'm Y/N, my boyfriend is Awsten, our friends Otto and Geoff are here too."

"Okay Y/N, I want your friends to make sure all medication Awsten has used in the last 24 hours and that he is in a safe place, ok?"

"ok, ok yeah." Otto automatically jumped up and exited the room quickly, running around and grabbing Awsten's many pill bottles.

"Ok, what's the address?"

"103 1st street."

"Does Awsten have Epilepsy?"

"Yeah, a pretty bad case."

"Ok Y/N I have an ambulance on the way. They will be there shortly. I'm going to stay on the line to make sure nothing progresses okay?

"Ok, yeah, yeah." I took deep breaths and kissed Awsten's cheek "it's gonna be ok Aws."

"They are pulling up now, it's almost over. You two are very brave. I'll go when I hear them enter the room." as the operator spoke a knock was heard on the door. Geoff ran to the door. I heard them talking.

"Hello sir, where's the medical emergency?"

"He's in the bathroom!" Geoff guided the paramedics into the room.

"Sir, please step out of the room." they pointed at me. I nodded and stepped away from Awsten. the phone hung up. They immediately checked if Awsten was breathing and talked into a small radio. "he's not okay to be guided out, stretcher now."

10 seconds later a stretcher rolled into the house, moving us to the side. They all lifted Awsten onto the stretcher, quickly moving him back to the ambulance. I followed closely behind. they lifted him into the ambulance, almost closing the door before I interrupted.

"Hey! I'm his boyfriend, can I please ride with him?" I begged to one of the paramedics. The other one was already in the ambulance, checking Awsten's vitals.

"If you aren't by law related to the patient we can't let you in." the paramedic gave me a sorry look.

"please, I beg you. We've been together for 13 years."

"... fine. Don't tell them I let you though. you two need to get married eventually." they gave me a small smile as they opened the door further.

"Thank you so much!" I relaxed as I climbed in. I sat on a seat next to Awsten, holding his hand. I saw Otto and Geoff rush stuff into their car from the window in the back. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, preparing for the worst.

____________________

My eyes opened. I almost fell asleep, but Geoff pinched me awake.

"stay awake for Awsten. we need to make sure he's okay."

stay awake stay awake stay awake stay awake stay awake stay awake!

"It's so hard."

"I know but the results are coming back soon, we won't have to wait much longer."

"He's the love of my life Geoff, if he got brain damage I don't know what I'd do."

"He'd still be the same Awsten."

"The same body but likely not the same man."

Geoff grunted and held his head in his hands. After around 30 seconds the doctor walked into the small room they placed us in. All 3 of us jumped up.

"You are the friends and partner of A. Knight, correct?"

"Yes." Otto nodded.

"Well I have good news and bad news." the doctor sighed, sitting in a chair on the opposite side of us.

"Good news, his brain itself is completely fine. No neurons were affected.." the rooms thick and heavy air immediately lifted. all 3 of us sighed and relaxed. "Bad news, his condition significantly grew in severity somehow since the last time we saw him and we know why."

"Why?" I was on the edge of my seat.

"He has a brain tumor."

Everything felt wrong.

"is it cancerous?" Geoff whispered.

"We are still doing tests, but it's likely."

[amplifyme]

I'd be curious about your thoughts: It's been awhile since I watched En Ami; but I always took that scene as Scully knowing he's lying, knowing he (in all probability) had tampered with her, but weighing the costs and the benefits. Since she didn't feel any trauma to her body, there was nothing to pinpoint as a hole in his lies; and in that case, it came down to the original point: were the risks of this trip worth it? Scully, imo, was still playing along to get the "cure to everything"-- her selflessness for humanity (and cure for her cancer) outweighing any temporary misgivings.

I do believe if she had felt any trauma or any lingering sensation she would have been gone. But she didn't; and she still didn't have the cure.

It's the ending, I think, that flubs it the most: instead of focusing on Scully's rage for being baited (though it's touched on slightly), and Mulder's boiling rage on her behalf (though, again, it's slightly touched on), they end it focused on CSM and his weird little "redemption arc" bit. Sure, fine, whatever; but it leaves it on a sympathetic note for him in the vein of Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man. Yes, it was his own self-pitying POV; but this episode ALSO involved Scully heavily. There needed to be a focus on her own letdown, anger, trauma, and fear that she finally lets rise to the surface.

There wasn't enough time for all of these elements, of course.

Am I off base? Could be-- curious how far! XDDD

Well, I'm not gonna tell you you're off-base! 😆 After all, everyone views the episodes through their own lenses and it's all subjective.

I just don't buy anything about this episode - from start to finish. WBD wasn't at all subtle when it came to writing this redemption tale for CSM. For one thing the character had done absolutely nothing to deserve it. For another, it required taking one of the leads and erasing almost everything we knew about what drives her personally and professionally, about her own experiences with CSM and all it had cost her and Mulder, and portrayed her as naive and gullible. While it's not too far off the mark to attach those descriptions to Mulder from time to time, nothing I'd seen of Scully up to that point led me to believe she would go with CSM based on nothing more than his word. And then stay even after she woke to find herself in that bed in pajamas she knew without a doubt she hadn't changed into herself.

Even with what knowledge she had about where Mulder had found the chip that may have cured her cancer, I can't believe that alone would cause her to trust CSM enough to put her safety and well-being in his hands. I don't believe that even with the possibility of a cure for all cancer, all illness waved in front of her like a carrot on a stick, that she would so impulsively drop everything and go with him. Scully doesn't do impulsive. She overthinks everything, and I think the only person who can drive her to impulsivity is Mulder, and then only when he's pissed her off (see Ed Jerse). So, no, I can never buy that her sense of selflessness would override her bullshit detector, not when it comes to CSM.

Yes, she took precautions by rigging the hidden microphone and then mailing the tape (?!?!?) to Mulder. But it was uncharacteristically stupid of her to go in the first place. And she had to have known that as soon as Skinner told Mulder there was a Scully family emergency, he would've had his nose to the ground like a bloodhound.

I could go on but I'll spare you. Let me wrap this up by saying that Scully didn't earn the right to rage about being baited; it's something she should've anticipated from the get-go. And she then rationalizes her gullibility by saying that she saw something in CSM that made her believe his intentions were good? Puh-leeze. And I couldn't disagree more with your belief that Mulder was pissed for Scully. He was pissed at her, and rightly so.

In closing, it doesn't surprise me that the fallout of Scully's actions were never addressed or mentioned again. Mulder and Scully have always been chess pieces to be molded and moved around the board however CC saw fit. It's just that it was done to Scully in far more egregious ways than Mulder was ever made to suffer.

Yep, still hate this episode as much as ever.

[cynicalone94]

Ch. 12 Outside Income

When Intelligence gets pulled in to solve a case that another unit can't seem to close, evidence quickly begins to suggest that the gang they're investigating has man on the inside. But what shouldn't be a big deal, Intelligence is known for rooting out corruption, quickly becomes a very big deal when something goes very, very wrong.

Read on AO3 here.

Her partner is sleeping.

That much isn’t new. It feels like Jay hasn’t done anything but sleep for the last week and a half.

The good part is that he’s finally sleeping in his own bed.

There’s still an oxygen concentrator sitting in the corner, a cannula situated under his nose. It’s expected to be there for a while as his lungs continue to heal but they are healing.

Only time will tell if he’ll heal enough to resume the high intensity job that he loves but at least now they know that he won’t be confined to a hospital bed for the rest of his life.

It’s still hard to listen to him breathe, every breath labored and sluggish but it’s getting better.

Things are looking up, looking better all the time.

“I can hear you thinking from over here.” Jay rasps tiredly, eyes still closed.

“Sorry partner.” she says with a wry smile. “I’ll go think somewhere else.”

“And keep not sleeping?” he asks. “Come over here.”

“Jay.” she cautions.

“Just to sleep.” he says. “Not trying to make a move on you. But I know you haven’t been sleeping well. Just come lie down where you can hear that I’m still breathing and get some sleep.”

“You think listening to you breathe like that is gonna put my mind at ease?” she asks with a smirk.

It doesn’t stop her from walking toward the bed, toeing out of her shoes and then climbing up next to him.

“No better lullaby out there.” he mutters.

“You’re an idiot.” she tells him even as she rests her head on the pillow.

“And yet you’ve been standing there watching me sleep for at least forty five minutes.” he counters.

“Well yeah.” she says. “Cause you’re my idiot. Now go back to sleep.”

He still hasn’t opened his eyes but he offers her a tired grin, settling deeper into his pillow.

Within seconds he’s back asleep and she returns the smile, stroking her fingers through his hair and then settles herself onto the pillow.

Soon enough she’s off to sleep herself.

He makes it out to the couch the next afternoon, watching a game on the television while Hailey mills around in the kitchen, handling his meds and trying to put together something for him to eat.

Will is coming over after work to spend the night and she’s probably going to go home. Take care of some things around her apartment, maybe sleep in her own bed for once.

Though apparently she sleeps easier with Jay nearby, when she can hear that he’s still alive, still breathing.

“Hailey?” Jay calls out.

“Yeah?” she asks, racing into the other room. “What’s up? You okay?”

“I’m fine.” he assures her. “I’m sorry, I’m fine. Just… Did you guys figure out who the mole was?”

Hailey’s breath catches.

So this is it. The conversation she’d wanted so desperately to avoid is here.

“Yeah.” she says, sitting next to him. “We did.”

“It was Marston, wasn’t it.”

He’s not really asking and she sighs.

“Yeah.” she confirms. “It was. Jay, I’m sorry.”

“Why did he do it?” he asks. “Why does a guy like that, with a record like his, jump in bed with drug dealing gang bangers?”

“I’m not going to lie.” she says, reaching over to put a hand on his forearm. “I’d rather not answer that question.”

He lets out a long breath.

“Hailey.”

“He needed the extra money to pay for his dad’s cancer treatments.” she tells him. “He started looking the other way, giving them heads up on things. But they just kept asking for more and more and soon he was in too deep to say no.”

“And when we stole their drugs…”

“They told him he was going to help them get their drugs back.” she fills in.

“So he set me up?” Jay says, looking down.

“He says he tried to fight back.” she says. “That he argued against it, only agreed when they promised the cop they took wouldn’t be hurt but…”

“No way he didn’t know they were lying.” he says. “He was in too deep. Couldn’t tell them no without getting killed. Couldn’t get out of following through without admitting to what he’d done. So he handed me over.”

“Yeah.” she agrees. “He did. I’m sorry, Jay. I wish there was something that I could say that would make this better but… everything about it sucks. It sucks that you were taken, it sucks that they burned you like they did, it sucks that you were exposed to that gas, it sucks how much pain you’ve been in ever since. And it sucks ass that another cop willingly played a roll in it.”

He looks up at her, still pale face showing exactly as much heartbreak as she’d expected.

“I can offer you one small tidbit.” she says. “Voight chewed him up and spit him out like a pack of the shittiest bubble gum out there.”

He tries to smile but he can’t quite fake it and she lets her hand slide down over his.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” she repeats.

[d0ntw0rrybehappy]

journallllll 5/21

now that i’m moving out it’s gonna be harder to see my mom cause i’m further away and she’s gonna be sooo sad. i worry about my mom bc inside she is the world’s most lovable sweetest well-meaning person but she has less self-awareness/emotional control than most people so people judge her rly hard. i always want to be like guys just roll your eyes and let it go and let her know she is loved, she just has some weird kind of like, specific mom dementia/brain glitch, and deep down you KNOW this so lay off. there are so few people my mom lets in or will actually listen to. she was this kid runaway who built a life for herself in the art world copping designer clothes and flying to paree like a fucking pirate and then she had me instead of getting married and i’m one of the like MAYBE 3 people she actually likes. lol. nails & teeth metaphor “you’re the only one she’ll listen to” or “you’re the only one who can talk to her.” i miss her friend jaime who was an indubitably brilliant depressive semitic russian translator who never once judged my mom and they had this kind of relationship where they’d lie feet-to-head on a couch and just chat chat chat. she was my favorite of my mom’s friends. she died from cancer and self-neglect basically. bullshit. shauna’s friend alex reminded me of her the last night and i was like ugh i miss jaime. i wish my mom still had jaime!!! what am i gonna do? i have to have my own life but i have to protect my mom. stupid WASPs be like “you can’t take on your moms problems” shut the fuck up WASP you don’t know shit. other kids be rolling their moms around in wheel chairs and don’t complain you piece of individualist propaganda. nails & teeth metaphor the ignominious but resolute fighter (the progeny) lol.

so anyway this isn’t a post about my mom this is a post about henry cuz then i remembered henry lives on the west side like my mom. henry whom i’ve been on two dates with and have a major crush on. not a normal crush, a “oh you’re about to buy a horse son” level crush. and i imagined when i come to the west side, henry joining me for dinner on the days i visit my mom. not because that sounded like oh so much fun to him but because it was a way for us to spend time together. there are ppl who are married who do that kind of stuff for each other. it made me want to cry bc that would mean so much to me. this is fantasy henry not real henry but probably he would. i’ve only been on two dates with him and everyone is like avaaaaa don’t have too many expectations and like I KNOW i know i’m in it like ?? what’s the phrase? in it like jarvin? lol. besides if he dumped me i would DESERVE IT!!! i got fuckin’ KARMA to pay baby i broke more than a couple hearts the past couple years THIS IS WHAT THEY FELT LIKE?!? THEY FELT LIKE THIS?!?!?? wow FUCK

um but yeah obviously i would survive and if we break up it’s cause we’re not a match and there’s nothing *wrong* with me, duh, duhhhhh, totally notttttt a completely unhinged and slightly unhygienic individual, plus now i know what to look for - kind!!! stable!!! people!!! people i have a lot in common with!!! smart!!! part of the same world as me!!! people with a vision, a goal, passions!!! who take care of themselves!!! okay there’s gotta be lots of guys like that. so if it’s not henry FINE. but guyssssss guys i could actually see a future with him wtf was i doing before??? wowww i played so many games without realizing. 

anyway so we’ve only been on 2 dates so far but i am fully smitten with him (with spells of crushing doubt) and if one more person tells me to play it cool and not have expectations i WILL bite bc bitch I KNOW can you give me SOME OTHER KIND OF ADVICE PLS i have obviously not TOLD him any of this so stop putting more pressure on me to act or feel a certain way trust me I GET IT. and i think it’s dumb this is the advice given to women anyway.

also i’m going to europe probably for an entire month and as long as i don’t lose my job i’m gonna have a fucking amazing summer. losing job doesn’t seem that plausible, however, terrifying thought, bc i’m on my own now and need the moolah. and was a little uneven the past few months but that’s just a learning lesson ig. plus there’s always more jobs. right??? right. *sailor moon handhold sparkle fx*

ok thanks for being witnesses to my online diary my friends anxietyposting on here actually kind of helps, really excited for the future, it’s amazing that i’m getting these opportunities and the reason i’m so anxious is bc i care and i have something to lose. !

[starrystar]

Inexpert alt:

11

Alcohol ink background in sunset colors

The cancer surgeon was lovely, though. 

MD: Looks like three point three centimeters.

SB: Um, that number keeps going up for some reason…?

We had a long talk about Bob.

MD: Some tumors are like golden retrievers. They can still bite, but you don’t worry as much about them. Some are like rottweilers, and you have to train them very carefully because they can do a lot of damage. Yours is a rottweiler. 

Caption: Every rottie I’ve ever known was a big moosh, but it didn’t seem like the time. 

12

Purple background. Eat sentence is in a different bold font. 

There are four main types of breast cancer. Three of them eat hormones like estrogen. Then there’s the kind I got. Triple negative. 

SB: Fine, okay, you don’t need to have fonts about it. 

13

Teal alcohol ink background.

Only ten percent of breast cancers are triple negative. They are fast-growing, aggressive, and more likely to recur. 

SB: Great.

Quotation: We’re gonna hit this with everything we’ve got, the surgeon told me. 

In gold: Chemo

Bolded font: More chemo lumpectomy radiation

SB: That is indeed a lot.

14

Pink swirly background

Bob was stage two. Another two months, he’d have been stage three and making a run for the lymph nodes.

SB: Hang on, if it’s not eating hormones, then what’s it eating?

Ummm…

SB: It’s me, isn’t it. Great. 

Fortunately my lymph nodes looked clear.

SB: Thank god. When my grandma’s cancer got in her lymph nodes, her arm swelled up like a sausage. 

15

Red background

Fun fact: Bob was dead inside, and not just because I’m gen X. 

MD: The tumor is outstripping its blood supply, so the interior is mostly dead cells.

SB: Like an abscess?! 

MD: No, no. The surface is still alive. 

SB: Oh, so like the world’s shittiest malted milk ball? 

MD: Sigh. Yes. 

SB: With a cancerous chocolate shell!

I liked the surgeon. She was sweet and soft-spoken and clearly was expecting someone more traumatized. 

16

Green background

Quotation: It was nothing you did. You didn’t cause it and you couldn’t have prevented it. MD: It wouldn’t have been on your last mammogram. It probably wasn’t there four months ago. You caught it as early as humanly possible.

SB in gray: Except for that month I dicked around…

MD: Pardon?

SB: Nothing.

Quotation: I’m sending you to my oncologist. We’ve already discussed your treatment. 

SB: Your…?

Caption: She took off her scarf. Ah. Not a fashion statement, then. I suppose they don’t make recommendations better than that. 

17

Marbled background like pink quartz with gold vein

The oncologist wasn’t available for ten days. 

SB: I guess I’m glad they don’t think it’s serious enough to rush me into chemo tomorrow?

It was a very long ten days.

Captions: People on social media were really lovely. I read supportive comments whenever I could without crying. Publishers sent me flowers and bottles of wine. My husband was a saint. He always is, but more than usual.

18

Purple background

Captions: Some days,. I felt almost normal. But then I’d be watching a cartoon or taking the dog out and the little voice would say hey. Hey. you have cancer. 

I drew a face on bob in sharpie

Polaroid style image of a bruised boob with an angry toothy cartoon face drawn on it. 

I knew I’d potentially be out for months so I frantically finished a novel and edited another one and made changes on a third. 

SB: Gotta finish gotta finish gotta finish

19

Red and disturbingly fleshy background

Caption: My mom kept asking if there was anything she could do! Anything! After the twelfth time I told her to knock it off. Then I felt bad. Snapping at mom is like punching a small, well-meaning songbird. 

Mom: I didn’t think you’d want me to send you a pink ribbon decal…

SB: No, mom. I do not need to raise awareness of breast cancer. I am extremely aware of breast cancer right now. I have achieved maximum awareness.

I didn’t want to become someone whose whole life was about cancer.

Mom: Do you wan me to come stay with you? 

SB: Mom, you know I love you, but if you do, I will have to kill you.

Part 2 of The Saga of Bob!

Part I here

(Thank you to the multiple people who transcribed part 1–you rock on toast!)

Also, this is done with the Amazing Alcohol Inks 2.0 brush set in Procreate, which I love because they can look both like the super-non-threatening marbled platitude backgrounds you see in the doctor’s office AND viscera, depending on how hard you lean on the brush.

Part III coming soon to a Tumblr near you!

[automatismoateo]

I hope God is real so I can beat his ass via /r/atheism

I hope God is real so I can beat his ass I have cancer, I developed it out of the blue and at my age it's super rare. In one of my doctors entire 50+ year career he's only saw one person younger with it (by a year) and I'm the only one that's got this cancer young without a genetic cause. I was a Christian. People told me God was trying to make me a better Christian but it felt like they were talking to me like an abusive boyfriend or something "he only hits you because he loves you" vibe. He only gave me cancer because he loves me so much and he just wants me to rely on him for all this. Him giving me cancer was just him showing how important I am to him and he just loves me so much he needed to test me. Whatever. I don't see how a loving god could know me better than I know myself and think I'm going to tolerate abuse. He intentionally obliterated my faith. I still genuinely hope God exists, I hope I get an audience with him after I die so that I can beat him to a fucking pulp so fine I'm going to fucking drink whatever gore is leftover. If God exists he's probably got a couple more years left because once the cancer finishes me off God is a fucking goner. Submitted December 04, 2023 at 12:39PM by Mousewaterdrinker (From Reddit https://ift.tt/ej6oahL)

[madameseal]

«Sekai kara Neko ga Kieta nara» Genki Kawamura

The book reads easily and simply. She raises serious arguments, but so easily, as if it were commonplace. The same routine and unnecessary thing as the main character in this world.

There are practically no descriptions in the book. This is me... pleased. If you think about it, it really plays into the hands of the book and the feeling of being the main character. Of course, the main character is not a cardboard box. He has his own principles, hobbies, acquaintances, past, emotions, feelings. But it's easy for me to associate myself with him.

I also recently talked to my ex-partner and we told each other everything that had been digested for three years since the breakup. I, too, once loved to look at stamps. I also wanted to get a job that was far from the most prestigious because of my love of business. I don't have the warmest relationship with my father either. I also know people who are fans of cinema. And what to hide - the mother is fond of historical series.

I've had a lot of cats in my life. Very. Probably a few dozen. At least forty who lived with me for a while. There were only two in his life. And they were very significant. He couldn't get rid of them.

If you think about it that way, I wouldn't be able to agree to this deal with a demon, knowing how much fundamental and serious things he would offer. Although the disappearance of phones and movies is not particularly offensive. Humanity has been doing fine without them for many centuries. But the loss of time and cats in my opinion caused the collapse. It is impossible for me to imagine a world without them or their analogues. But the loss of time and cats in my opinion caused the collapse.

The book is not only about things. In parallel with the disappearance of things from the world, we learn the story of the life and death of the protagonist. It looks like their cancers are hereditary. The main character regrets a lot, but does not go into continuous self-flagellation, flooding the reader with whining about the uselessness of his existence and the futility of being. No. Occasionally he whines and goes on to sort things out in his little life.

This is the most appropriate time when the universe could give me this book. I have a lot to think about further from this book.

[anzu2snow]

Went to my oncology appointment today. She’s not too worried about the little progression indicated in the bone scan. She said we just need to keep watching it. She wasn’t concerned about my liver either. She said it’s probably not related to the cancer, so I should talk to my primary care doctor about it. Plus, she said if the AST (a liver enzyme) was much higher she’d be more concerned. I asked if the cold medicine I had could mess with it, and she said it can. I’m still worried about having a fatty liver. It doesn’t sound like a good thing. She thinks I have Cushing’s syndrome. Dexamethasone caused it. She said the swelling, moon face, more abdominal fat, skin changes, etc. all might have been from that. She wants me to try to get off it again. The last time I tried, I swelled up like a balloon. She said we could go even slower. I’m only taking 1mg of it. I agreed to take it every other day. She said after a month of that maybe going down to 1/2mg. The thing is it’s a 2mg pill and I’m already cutting them in half. It’ll be hard to do a 1/4 of a pill. I don’t know how that will go. I do want off of it, but I don’t want to swell up, so I feel stuck with it at the moment. I told her that I’ve noticed I’m losing weight again. She seemed concerned about that. I really need to lose more again, so I’m happy with it. I feel if I end up skin and bones, then I’ll worry about it. I brought up the dizziness I’ve been having lately. She asked if I’ve had headaches as well, and I have. She was concerned about it, and brought up doing a brain MRI. I didn’t want to because of the feeling I had last time. It was not fun. She said if it continues, and/or gets worse, I need to have a brain MRI. Maybe I just won’t mention it again, even if it keeps happening. My brain’s probably fine. Her nurse chatted with me about having diabetic cats. How to do better with giving the shots. That was interesting. She loves when we talk about our cats. After seeing my oncologist, another nurse came in and gave me my xgeva shot. I didn’t have to move to another room. That was nice. It was on the left arm this time. It hurt a lot this time. When I told him, he said everyone he gives it to tells him that.

[sirchubbybunny]

Today has been mixed and we're ending this year on a bad note at this rate.

Basically my dog is getting up there and has been having trouble for a while. A lump on her side, bad joints, and all of that. From what I remember, my family took her to our vet to get looked at for a wound. She was there for the day having some surgery and getting the site biopsied. We got a call back, apparently, saying all was fine and her labs were alright. Cool.

My mom took her back to get the rest of her stitches removed, and I say "rest of" because she chewed some of them out. While there, the vet gave us her lab results saying it's cancer. So whoever we talked to must have given us someone else's results. She told me he said she probably has a few weeks or months left in her and it's just about keeping her comfortable.

Everyone else in the house apart from me and my partner knew and I don't know when they planned on telling us. Now it fucking blows trying to figure out what's going to happen first: my dog dying or I get a call for my top surgery consultation. I don't know and I don't want to say nothing else could make this worse, but my luck has been tried constantly this year considering two mutuals of mine could have died in a car accident the day after my birthday.

I don't even want to jinx myself at this point. It's paranoid thinking, but I'm sure with how bad my hand has been, I'll inadvertently cause one of my friends to die if I get too anxious via some butterfly effect bullshit. If that happens, then I'm just gonna crumble.